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novamariestark · 5 months

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Cowboy on a Segway

[A/N] this was written on my phone. There may be spelling mistakes, either due to my fat thumbs or autocorrect.

Summary: you and Madison have been alone since the start. You feel completely responsible for her safety. One day you two meet Columbus and Tallahassee. When they invite you back to their camp, you have a little drink with Tallahassee

Warnings: 🔞, piv (unprotected sex), age gap, Venice mentioned as your name but you can change it, oral, poorly written smut

Word count: 3641

Fandom: Zombieland 2: Double Tap

Pairing: Tallahassee x reader

For the past several years, the abandoned mall had been your home. You had managed to scavenge and collect enough supplies from the various small businesses tucked away within its walls to keep yourself fed and tended to during the winter months. However, your resources were now running dry, and you had come to the realization that it was time to venture outside of the mall and find some more provisions elsewhere. Despite the availability of other housing options, you had chosen to make the mall your home, with the only problem being your persistent little sister who had taken up residence in the freezer. Your living quarters were situated on a catwalk hanging down the ceiling of the mall, which provided you with an excellent view of all the shops and stores below, including the one that your sister wouldn’t leave.

You sighed as you encountered yet another zombie. This was typical for any journey outside - always a few of them that either had failed to make it to wherever they were going, or were too comfortable where they were. You had become used to the sudden adrenaline rush of preparing to face another one of the undead - a reflex that you had grown accustomed to over the years.

You raised your trusty axe, ready to defend yourself against the rotting corpse lurching towards you. In one swift motion, you brought the axe down on its head, cleaving it in two. The putrid flesh and bone crumbled under the force of your blow, leaving a mess behind. You wiped the axe clean on your pants and continued on your way, the cold air filling your lungs as you breathed.

But what if something happened to you? What would happen to your sister without you around? The thought crossed your mind, as it often did, as it was a constant and understandable fear. You felt a bit protective of your sister, and you wanted to make sure she was safe no matter what happened.

When you got back to the freezer, you found it empty. You realized you had been gone longer than expected and your heart sank with worry – had something happened to her while you were away? You scanned the horizon for any sign of movement. You quickly dropped the supplies through the door and set off to look for her.

‘What part of stay here did she not understand?’ you asked yourself aloud. Even before the world was overrun by drooling, undead freaks, you were looking after Madison. In some ways, she was like a toddler, you couldn’t take your eyes off her for a second.

A scream and a gunshot caught your attention, sending your heart into an indescribable panic. You knew who had screamed and terror beyond compare had you sprinting towards the source. Your sister's safety was your sole priority and with that in mind, you cocked your own gun, ready to shoot whoever was attacking her.

The distance between you and the source closed with each step you took, until you could hear your sister's voice coming from a candle shop. You stopped behind a board when you saw a – cowboy? On a segway? ‘How tired are you?’

“Don’t mind me,” he said, putting his gun away.

You stopped outside the doorway and peered into the shop. You make your presence known to the cowboy and stand beside him to find your sister hugging a curly haired boy. A stranger. Typical.

“Maddy!”

She released her hold and turned to you, “Hey Venny, look. Humans!”

“Yes,” you said, drawing out the word longer with a sarcastic nod of your head, “That’s why they’re talking,”

“Is this your dad?” Madison asked, turning towards the curly haired kid she had just been glued to. Gesturing to the man with the Segway and cowboy hat. God you loved cowboy hats.

“For shit’s sake, slightly older, better-looking friend,” he corrected. You loved older guys too but being stuck in a mall after the world ended, didn’t give you much of a social life. In fact, the only person you’ve had contact with was your sister, and sometimes you could feel yourself losing IQ points.

'My name's Venice,' you said, introducing yourself as you held your hand out eagerly for the man to take, desperate for any kind of physical contact. He placed his big hand in yours and introduced himself.

“Tallahassee.” He replied, he nodded his hat towards curly, “Not his dad,”

“Didn't think so,” you smirked, almost unable to take your eyes away from him.

He raised his brow and turned to you, his lips forming a smirk to match yours, “Oh yeah? How?” He challenged.

You looked him up and down, “Well, you’re handsome,” you shrugged then you looked over to curly, “And he’s… well I don’t want to be rude,”

“He’s a little spit-fuck, I know, Darlin’” the nickname caused shivers to dance along your spine. He looked around the shop, “You live here?” he asked you, but your sister answered for you.

“No, Paul Blart. I live in the freezer in Pinkberry, mm-hm,” she replied with a giggle, “It keeps the zombies out. Though it is awfully chilly,”

“Ever consider... turning it off?” Tallahassee asked, even though he was sure he knew the answer.

“Couldn’t find the switch, like anywhere. I was hoping the electricity would run out.”

Curly then added something about how the dams 'keep giving us power' and Tallahassee had quipped, 'Apparently not brain power.' You couldn't help yourself, and snorted in agreement, quickly trying to hide your laughter behind your hands, lest your sister discover that you were making fun of her.

As she spins to face you, her smile fades in an instant. “l feel like you’re being super judgey. Like, I’m getting a real anti-me vibe off you.” she says, pointing at Tallahassee

“Are you?” Tallahassee retorted, his tone dripping with sarcasm as he mimicked the stance of a teenage girl. His voice had even adopted a slightly higher pitch.

“Oh, my God. There it was again. That’s hurtful. I’m like really good at surviving,” Madison whined.

“What are you talking about? You barely leave the freezer. That’s hiding not surviving,” you told her.

“What about food?” Curly asked, standing beside Madison, “How’d she get food?”

“How do you think?” You asked, pointing to yourself, “Door to door service,”

“I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go,” she says, “And I can run really, really, really, really, fast. I used to do a lot of hot yoga and Soulcycle and…”

“Cardio!” Curly blurts out, stopping her annoyingly long ramble, “Sorry, I do a lot of Cardio too. It’s actually my number one rule, which is dorky,” he said, to which you nodded, with a quiet ‘yes’ falling from your lips, which apparently the hot cowboy heard, if the throaty chuckle was anything to go by, “But I’ve got a list of rules for surviving Zombieland,”

“Really? So do I!” she yelled in her annoying peppy voice

“You have rules?!” he asked, getting excited.

“Well actually, it’s mostly just ‘Stay in the Freezer.’” She said, twirling a piece of her bleached blonde hair.

“Yeah, and you can’t even follow that rule,” you grumbled.

“Oh and ‘Don’t Eat Nuts.’ ‘Cause I’m allergic. To nuts,” she added.

Curly smiles at Madison as if she charmed him, “We’ve, uh, set up camp just down the road,”

Tallahassee tries to catch Columbus’s eye, waving his arms around, mouthing ‘no’. he wouldn’t mind you coming to their camp. But your sister? No, he’d rather slam his balls repeatedly in a car door.

Curly ignored Tallahassee and continued, “At the White House, care to join?”

“The White House?! I’ve always wanted to visit the seat of government!” Tallahassee shoots Columbus a look.

Tallahassee turns on the segway and you turned towards Pinkberry where you left your supplies, “Aren’t you comin?”

“Aw dang, you noticed me trying to dump her on you,” you said in mock defeat, earning another chuckle, “I am, just getting our things,”

“I could come with you, watch your back,”

“Is it only my back you want to watch?” you asked, catching him off guard, you shrugged, muttering “Shame,” before walking off.

You walked through the hall of empty shops. The only sounds were your footsteps and the whirring of the segway.

“You know, your boy isn’t going to have any backup if he’s attacked,” you said to him as you opened the freezer door, sticking your hand in to grab the supplies, “Just one more stop,” you said before grabbing a rope that dangled from the ceiling and climbing up to your “room.”

“You lived up there?”

“Yup, so I could keep an eye on her,” you said, pointing to the yogurt shop, “Found a cool spot years ago but she wouldn’t leave. Figured if I left it turned on, she’d change her mind. She didn’t,” you explained.

“Wait, you knew you could turn it off?” he asked, you smirked and nodded.

“Why do you think she never found the switch?” You asked, pointing to a poster on the wall.

“You hid the switch?”

“Like I said, I was trying to get her out,” you shrugged. Tallahassee laughed. Although he did wonder why you didn’t just leave her and go off on your own. He guessed it was the same reason he kept Columbus around, not that he’d tell anybody, “That’s everything,” you said before climbing down the rope and jumping to the floor, “Let’s go,”

***

Soon you were at the White House. That was now, white and green. You had tuned out the list of rules that Curly was rambling on about and your sister walked beside him as if she were a golden retriever and he had a treat in his hand.

“And rule fifty-three - ‘Wet-naps.’” He said pulling some out of his back pocket. You rolled your eyes and looked to Tallahassee.

“Does he ever stop?” you asked, he shook his head as he stared at the back of his head, a murderous gaze in his eyes.

“I can’t believe you keep all this stuff in your head,”

“Thank you,”

“It’s amazing,” she said, she stopped and turned to Tallahassee causing you both to come to a stop, “You know, you’re really lucky you found someone so smart to take care of you. Most people your age get left all by themselves, and that can be so hard,”

Tallahassee closes his eyes, the vein by his temple pulsing, he punches him in the chest, “I am so lucky.” He dragged him away, “Can we have a little summit in the Oval Office?”

“You guys. I can’t believe we’re in the White House. This is soy random,”

“Will you shut up? Please?” you looked around the space and spotted a statue, “Look, go introduce yourself,”

“You know why she’s still alive, right? Zombies eat brains. She don’t got one,”

“It’s true, she’s having a conversation with one of the statues right now,” you said at the door,

“In fact, the statue is smarter than her,”

“See,” Tallahassee gestures to you, “I’m not the only one,”

“If she’s so bad, why have you put up with her for so long?” Curly asked you.

“I could ask him the same question about you,” you said nodding to Tallahassee. Curly opened his mouth to say something but you didn’t want to hear his voice anymore, so you continued,

“Maddy’s my little sister. Like it or not, I’m stuck with her,”

“Oh,” Curly said.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, it’s just she’s um you know, like really, y-you know and you’re like y-you know, like him,”

“You know I could kill you, right? Without even moving from this spot?”

Before he could respond, your sister walked in, “Could you maybe give you a tour?” she asked, she looked around the room, “Woah, this is the Oval Office. Wait, why do they call it that?”

“For the love of God, take her on a tour,” you spat out, you needed a break from her. You were starting to miss your little paradise that hovered above ground, that gave you much needed peace. A place to escape before your sister’s squeaky peppy voice forced you to put a bullet in your head.

The two rushed out the door and a hand with a glass appeared in front of your face, you took the glass and downed the alcohol in one, “Thanks, needed that,”

“I can tell,” he said pouring you some more, “It seems yours annoys you more than mine does,”

“7 years in that shithole with only Maddy, I mean I love her, she’s my sister, but God I’d have a better conversation with a poodle,” you said, downing another half glass of whiskey, “I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear this,” you popped the glass down and headed for the door, “I’m going to find us some rooms, far away from you guys, give you some space,”

“You don’t have to, relax, have another drink,”

And you did. Or 5.

***

You and Tallahassee were swapping stories about your 10 years of Zombieland. You were sat on a chair, and he was opposite, sprawled out on the couch, you had to stop yourself from staring as his shirt lifted up higher every time he moved, displaying his abs and v-line.

Soon you heard noises coming from above, “Oh my God,” you groaned.

“I believe that’s what she’s supposed to say,” Tallahassee pointed out.

You rolled your eyes and downed the last of your drink. You don’t know what it was that caused you to be so bold and confident, probably the whiskey, but you stood from you seat and straddled Tallahassee’s hips. You lean in close, your warm breath against his ear “When was the last time someone took care of you?” you purred.

His eyes meet yours, a hint of surprise swimming in them. He smirks, his rough hands finding their way to your waist, pulling you in closer. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” he replies, his voice husky.

“I don’t?” you asked innocently. He growled and without hesitation, he swiftly pins you down, caging you beneath his powerful body, his eyes burning with raw intensity.

Tallahassee pauses for a moment, his intense gaze locked with yours, “You say the word and we’ll stop,”

“What word? I wanna avoid it,” you smirked up at him a mischievous glint in your eyes.

Tallahassee chuckled darkly before bending his head, his lips finding your neck. His hands traveled up your back, massaging and kneading the muscles there, making you arch into him further. You moaned, feeling his hot breath on your skin as he suckled a trail up your neck to your earlobe. His teeth gently nipped at it, sending a shiver down your spine.

Breathless, you look deep into his eyes, her voice dripping with desire as you plead, "Fuck me," Tallahassee groans, One hand pins yours above your head, the other travels under your shirt. His calloused fingers trace your silky-smooth skin, his touch leaving a burning trail. He undoes the button of your jeans, yanking them halfway down your thighs. Without wasting a second, he pushes your dampened panties to the side, easing a thick finger between your dripping folds. He kisses your neck and along your jawline as he thrusts two fingers expertly inside of you.

Your back arches off the couch, a strangled moan escaping your lips. Tallahassee's thumb teases your clit, circling and pressing until you're on the brink of ecstasy. He leans forward, capturing your lips in a fierce kiss as he begins to thrust his fingers deeper inside of you. You can feel his erection pressing against your hip, hot and hard, and you ache for him to be inside of you.

He started to increase the intensity as he felt your body twitch, responding to each of his movements, “Please,” you whimper, wanting more. Practically begging for it.

Your pleas didn’t go unanswered. He placed one more kiss on your lips before sliding down your body, your eyes following his every move. He pulled your jeans down the remainder of your legs and threw them across the room. As your eyes were looking to see where they landed, you feel something warm and wet seep through you folds. Snapping your head back to him, you see his face buried between your legs. His tongue swirling around your lips as if he’s trying to mop up every last drop of your slick. You can’t help but let out a moan as he bites, licks and sucks at your little bundle of nerves. Your hips buck involuntarily causing him to rest his free hand on your stomach to keep you still.

His hand returns, sliding up your abdomen, cupping your breast and squeezing gently. He licks you one more time, tasting the sweetness that coats his tongue, before looking up at you, his eyes dark with lust.

He stands up and starts stripping himself of his clothes. You clench your legs together to get friction as his cock springs free.

"Like what you see?" he asked, his voice husky and rough. You nod, unable to speak, as your gaze drifts down to the thick length of him. You quickly climb off the couch and onto your knees in front of him.

He groans, his hips jerking forward as you take him in your hands. Your fingers wrap around his shaft, stroking up and down the length of him, marveling at the heat and the size. "You're so fucking beautiful," he breathes, his eyes watching you intently.

You look up at him as you continue to stroke him, feeling his skin slide over your palm. His gaze meets yours, and for a moment, you feel like you can see straight into his soul. You lean forward, taking his cock into your mouth, feeling the velvety smoothness against your tongue. You close your lips around him, taking him as deep as you can, and begin to bob your head up and down.

His hands run through your hair, cupping your head as he watches you work him. You can feel the way he trembles, the way his hips jerk forward as you suck him deeper, the way his breath hitches in his throat. You know he's close, and you want nothing more than to feel him come in your mouth.

Pulling back, you look up at him, your chest heaving as you catch your breath. His eyes are half-closed, his head tilted back, his expression one of pure bliss. You reach out, tracing a finger along his cheekbone, feeling the warmth of his skin against your fingertip. "I want to feel you inside me," you whisper, and he groans, his hips jerking forward again.

He helps you to your feet, his hands on your waist, and guides you back to the couch. You climb onto the cushions, legs spread wide, and watch as he positions himself between your thighs. He brushes a stray hair out of your face, his thumb tracing your cheekbone, before leaning down to capture your lips in a deep, passionate kiss. His cock presses against your folds, and with one smooth motion, he pushes inside of you.

You gasp, feeling the stretch of his length as he fills you. He groans, his hips stuttering as he begins to thrust, the rhythm echoing in your core. His hands move to your hips, holding you steady as he takes you roughly, your body meeting his thrust for thrust. Your breath comes in ragged gasps, your nails digging into the soft cushion beneath you.

He looks down at you, his eyes dark and intense, his expression a mixture of lust and possession. His lips find your neck, sucking and nipping at your skin, leaving a sting that feels almost as good as the thrust of his hips. "You're so fucking tight," he growls, his words vibrating against your skin.

You arch your back, meeting his thrusts with equal force. Your nails scrape down his back, leaving a trail of red lines on his skin. You can feel the tension building inside you, the familiar ache spreading through your core. "I'm close," you gasp, your body trembling with the effort to hold back.

He groans, his hips moving faster, his cock thrusting deeper. "Cum for me," he urges, his lips finding yours in a bruising kiss. You shudder, your orgasm washing over you in a wave of heat and pleasure. Your inner walls tighten around him, milking his cock as you cry out his name.

His thrusts grow jerky and rough, and you feel the warmth of his release deep inside you. He groans, his body shuddering as he empties himself, his hips still moving even as he collapses onto you, pinning you beneath his weight. His breath comes in ragged gasps, his chest heaving against yours.

For a moment, you're lost in the afterglow of your orgasm, feeling the weight of his body pressed against yours, the heat of his skin seared into your memory. You luxuriate in the intimacy of the moment, reveling in the way he moves against you, the way he feels inside you.

He rolls off you, collapsing to the side, still breathing heavily. You watch him, tracing a lazy finger along the lines of his chest, admiring the play of muscles in his arms and shoulders, "I don't remember it feeling that good,"

"What?"

You laugh, turning your head to look at him. "You know what I mean."

"I think you mean, round 2," he smirked.

"Oh really?" you asked, a smirk of your own painting your lips, "You think you're up for it, old man?"

He swiftly pins you down again, "I'll show you who's an old man, darlin'"

[A/N] I feel like it didn't turn out as good as i imagined.

#female reader #reader insert #tallahassee x reader #zombieland x reader #zombieland fanfiction #zombieland double tap

41 notes · View notes

dantakeyoman · 10 months

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𝐉𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐘 | 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐰𝐨

♡ 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

♡ * 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒆𝒙𝒚, 𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆, 𝒛𝒐𝒎𝒃𝒊𝒆-𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑱𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏. 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒔. *

♡ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦 (𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐨𝐟 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐬, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐞𝐭𝐜.

♡ * 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚: 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍 *

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄

After a couple of miles of endless bickering and one ups between Columbus and Wichita, the gang had found an decent-looking RV stopped at a junkyard under an overpass.

You and Tallahassee scoped out the area first to make sure it was safe, before starting the trek to get there.

And the entire time he had been daring himself to ask you about...well, you.

What were you two?

Were you going to strike off together once all of this was over?

Were you both all right enough to strike off together?

Did you mean him when you said you were through?

All questions that were practically eating away at him.

But just as he got enough courage to ask, you'd made it, and it was time to put back on the face.

"All right! This is what I'm talkin' about," he smiled as the group approached the RV, "We're finally gonna be ridin' in style."

"You know the drill. I gotta check it out first," you reminded, fighting off your own smile.

It had been a while since you checked out an RV.

Good thing your memory was pristine when it came to all things vehicle.

"You guys, I partied with 3 Doors Down in one of these," Madison started, moving to the front of the pack to open the door.

"It was so-." The second she cracked it, the alarm went off, and zombies from all directions came out the woodwork.

"Shit," you hissed, quickly climbing into the front and shutting it off.

"Jersey," Tal called you over.

"On it," you nodded, walking out the door and stepping up on his hand.

"Front of the car's twelve o'clock. Trunk is six. You're our eyes," he explained, lifting you up onto the roof.

"Don't worry, guys. They're much more afraid of us than we are of them," Madison assured.

"God, that is not even remotely true," Wichita sighed.

You dug in your duffel and grabbed your trusty AK, slinging your uzi over your shoulder.

"We meet again, duckies," you smirked, the way they were so easily lining up making you feel nostalgic.

"Two o'clock!"

Wichita took that one down with her hand-held Gatling gun.

"Eleven! Eleven! Seven-thirty!"

You saw another at six o'clock, but didn't call it, wanting to bag one for yourself.

"One-thirty!"

"Why is everyone shouting numbers?!" Madison loudly asked over the gunfire.

"Eleven!"

"Twelve!" She shouted.

"Six! And two o'clock! Eight! Six o'clock!"

Nothing but gunfire could be heard, and it looks like there was no end to the zombies in sight.

"Eight! Ten! Eight! Eight o'clock!"

Madison had saved Wichita from a zombie with her pepper spray, making a smirk rise to your face.

'Oh, I'm never gonna let her live that down.'

"One-thirty! Three! One! Three!"

You took three, since no one had got to it yet.

And once it was dead, you turned around, seeing more coming out the corner of your eye.

"One o'clock! Ten-thirty! Eleven! Eleven! Actually, it's a Homer. Don't waste a bullet."

"Hawking, Jersey, Hawking!" Wichita shouted.

You whipped around to see a fucking Hawking running at you at full speed.

"Fucker," you spat, pistol-whipping it off the roof and jumping down, landing on its head and crushing it.

"Yay!" Madison clapped with a smile, as if you were performing.

Just then, a zombie came out of nowhere from under the RV, grabbing onto her foot.

"Aah, he's trying to bite me!"

"Ninja! Ninja!" Columbus exclaimed, quickly shooting it dead.

She gasped, turning to look at him with this enamoured expression.

"You saved me."

"All right. Settle down."

More snarling could be heard, and you whipped around to see the last incoming zombie.

"Tal, one o'clock," you stated, nodding towards the monster.

"Pardon me, Pop Tart," he stepped past Madison, "Not quite done yet."

He shot two right at its chest, but it dodged...somehow.

'What the fuck?"

"What the fuck?" Tal spoke your mind.

He shot two again, double-tapping it right between the eyes.

The zombie dropped to the ground.

"Try to dodge me, motherfucker."

Tal turned back around, ready to get in the RV.

But the zombie got back up.

Creepily, without the use of arms or legs.

"Tal?" You nodded again, concerned.

He turned around, surprised to see the monster still gnashing and on the charge again.

"One plus one still equals two, right?" He asked, shooting it another five times.

But it continued to crawl forward, even as he shot it seven more times.

"What the ever-lovin' fuck?!"

When it got too close, he settled with smashing its head in, finally killing it.

...

"Ew," Madison grimaced.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

As you drove down the road, back in the minivan, you thought about how free you would be if you just put one right between your eyes right then and there.

After all that zombie killing, you all had scored the RV.

But just as Tallahassee was pulling out, he drove over a spike strip that was hidden by a whole bunch of undergrowth.

Even still, you could've taken the ice cream truck.

But because Columbus was a pussy that's still afraid of clowns in a world of flesh-eating monsters, you had to settle with the minivan.

So now here you were, driving down the highway, contemplating swereving into a ditch to put yourself out of your misery.

"I've always wanted to start a business where strangers drive strangers around in their car for money," Madison randomly started, making you hang your head.

'Here the fuck we go should be my fuckin' catchphrase.'

"Let's say you were really drunk and needed a ride home. You'd just get online and hop right in with a stranger. And they'd take you anywhere you want to go."

The two men laughed, turning to each other with smiles.

"Oh, yeah. Who then kills you," Columbus joked.

"They'd have gum, or, like, lollipops-." "That was exactly what my parents taught me," Wichita said sarcastically.

"They were like, if a stranger offers you candy or gum, get in their car. Great idea."

"If they try to murder you, you can have a system so you, like, can rate them. Like, if they try to murder you, like, you get zero points. But if they don't try to murder you, you get, like, five points," Madison tried to explain.

"Madison, I think it is a very good idea," Columbus smiled.

"Yeah, no, I cannot see that going wrong," Wichita scoffed.

"All I'm saying is the taxi industry was very flawed-." Suddenly, she burped.

Quite aggressively actually.

"You okay?" You asked, looking up into the rear-view.

She was really, really pale.

"I think I'm, like, hot. I'm hot," she felt her forehead, "I guess I'm so used ot being in the freezer all the time."

"Yeah, sure, that makes sense," Columbus nodded.

Just then, she farted and burped at the same time.

"I feel funny," she wheezed, her voice suddenly gone.

Oh, shit.

You suddenly remembered the Ninja zombie from before.

The one that grabbed her.

'This bitch is turning into a fucking zombie.'

"Nope," you pulled over, making a loud screech.

She quickly got out the car, walking a couple steps before projectile vomitting.

The tell-tale sign that zombie transformation was on the way.

You felt your stomach drop.

You had a bad history with freshly turned zombies, and in no way did you want to subject yourself to that trauma again.

Everyone already saw what happened to you the last time.

"Ooo, chunkage," Tal grimaced.

"Maybe she'll pull through," Columbus suggested.

"What do you mean? You are the one who always says don't take any chances," Wichita scoffed.

"So who's doin' the honors?" Tal asked with a smile, "I mean, personally, I wouldn't mind, but I don't want anyone calling me selfish."

"Hey, come on, she is a living, thinking being, okay?" Columbus scolded.

Everyone cocked a brow.

"She's a living being," he corrected.

"I know from personal experience that zombies are at their most bat-shit when they first turn," you started, cocking your shotgun.

"So, we either figure out who's doing what in the next five seconds or I'm going out there myself and getting this shit over with."

Columbus nodded, cocking his own gun and stepping out the car, leading Madison over to the woods.

It was quiet for a minute, and shouts could be heard, before two gunshots went off, and the shouts went quiet.

The boy sadly trudged back in the car, and shut the door, you being quick to start back on the road.

The quicker you could leave it behind, the quicker it would become a memory.

"Look, I'm not gonna pretend that I'm broken up about it," Tal started, turning to face Columbus in the backseat, "but, um, I am sorry. She didn't deserve that."

"He's right. That's a terrible way to go, even for..." "Just period, man," you groaned, throwing your head back.

"It's a terrible way to go, period. Just because she was annoying doesn't mean you can be an asshole about it."

"I'm not being an asshole about it," she defended.

"It was a little assy," Tal nodded.

"I wasn't trying to be. It's sad, and that's obviously not what I wanted-." "What is it you do want?" Columbus asked.

"I wanna find my sister."

"Good."

"Good

"Great, in fact."

"Great."

"Awesome."

"This is gonna be a long drive," Tal sighed.

"How about we play a throwback? The Quite Game?" you rhetorically asked.

"Good? Great. Everyone shut the fuck up."

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

The four of you made it to Graceland, but sadly, it was quite literally a pile of rubble.

And with no Beast or Little Rock in sight, you were out of leads.

Not to mention Tallahassee was torn up about the destruction of the "happiest place on earth".

Tired, and losing hope by the minute, you took everyone back on the road.

And not too far from Graceland, you found the Beast parked outside this place called the Hound Dog Hotel.

So here you all were, busting in to see if you find the girl anywhere.

"Wow," Tallahassee gasped, eyes going wide at all the Elvis memorabilia, "It may not be Graceland, but it sure looks a hell of a lot like Graceland."

"It does," Columbus agreed.

"Here's the deal. We'll split up. I'll go this way-." "No, no, no, I should talk to her," Wichita interrupted.

"I'm her sister. I'll talk to her first. You guys stay here."

"Stay here my ass, I'm headed to the bar," you scoffed, walking over to the Tiki themed corner and hopping the counter.

You searched the shelf for that distinct name and label, hoping they had it in stock.

Until you laid eyes on it.

"Jack mother-fuckin' Daniels," you smirked, grabbing the bottle by its neck and reading its date.

'1960 Jack Daniels. Elvis knew his liquor.'

You uncorked it, taking a healthy swig and relishing that familiar burn.

"Best feeling on earth," you smiled, taking another one as Tal began to sing and play the piano in the background.

You felt bad that you'd been icing him out for nearly the entire trip.

It felt odd, almost awkward, not talking to him like how you would usually do.

Joking and flirting and laughing.

That's what you were used to.

But now you could feel the gap between you two getting bigger and bigger.

You'd have to find Little Rock and leave soon, otherwise you'd lose your nerve.

Just then, you saw the shadow of a woman head around the corner and towards where Tal was.

You couldn't make out her features, but you tell what was in her hand from a mile away.

A pistol.

Quickly and quietly, you stepped out from behind the bar, following her.

She'd entered the room Tal was in, but he was too wrapped up in his music to notice her.

'Goddammit, Tallahasse.'

Without warning, she slammed the piano cover on his fingers, and hit him in the head with the music stand, knocking him over.

She trained her gun at his head, but you were quick to aim at her as well.

"Watch it," you warned, eyes cold and serious.

Her eyes flit up, turning her gun towards you.

"No, no, no, no, don't shoot 'er," Tally frantically asked, standing up.

"Start talking," she ordered.

"You first," you denied.

She clicked off her safety, and you did the same.

"I'm just gonna go ahead and be the civil one here. My name is Tallahassee," Tal chimed, eyes flicking to you in hopes you would follow his lead.

God, he loved you were fiery but one day it was going to get you killed.

"Jersey," you begrudgingly answered.

"Nevada," she stated, "Now, what the fuck are you doing in the Hound Dog?"

"We got a thing for the King," Tal said in an Elvis imitation.

"He's got a thing for the King," you corrected, "I'm here to make sure he doesn't die."

Just then, Wichita and Columbus burst in at the noise, Nevada taking a big step back.

"They're here for that, too," you added, tucking away your glock.

"Is anybody else in here with you?" She turned to you and Tal.

"Just us," you assured, sitting down on the piano stool.

She turned to Columbus and looked down at his shoes.

"Why the hell are you wearing Elvis' actual shoes?"

"Comfort," he stated, seriously.

"You live here?" Wichita asked.

Nevada sighed, lowering her gun, "Yeah."

"So that car out front? The girl ho was driving it, is she-?" "Gone," Nevada answered.

"She and that poser-peace lover of hers-." "Berkeley?" Tal chimed.

"Berkeley...took off a few days ago," she corrected, "And trust me, they shouldn't have. It's not safe out there."

"Dammit," Wichita hissed, angrily plopping down on a couch.

"Why didn't they take the Beast?" You asked.

"He said it was too establishment," she air quoted.

'That dickhead...'

"Oh, I will kill that little fart-snack myself," Tal grumbled.

"You're lucky I didn't do the same to you two," she scoffed, implying you and Tal, "Seriously. Do you know how close I was to Murraying you?"

Everyone froze.

"To what-ing him?" Wichita asked.

"Murraying him," Nevada nodded, "Y'know, when you shoot someone thinking they're a zombie. Apparently that's how Bill Murray died."

You smirked as Columbus began to stutter, awkwardly acting as if he didn't know this information.

Discreetly, you pulled the polaroid from that day out your pocket and handed it to Nevada, her eyes going wide.

"No fuckin' way," she scoffed in disbelief.

"Yeah, don't listen to this guy. He's killed more celebrities than cocaine," you nodded.

"Look, the girl from before. Did she say where she was going?" Wichita asked, returning to the subject.

"No. But that idiot, Berkeley, wouldn't shut the fuck up about it," Nevada sighed.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

#tallahassee #tallahassee x reader #zombieland double tap x reader #zombieland double tap #zombieland x reader #zombieland

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th3d0nutl0rd · 1 year

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Bitches be like "I'm fighting monsters" and then the monsters are bisexuality. And zombies.

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bi-hanssnowflake · 11 days

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Obsessed with my new edit. 😍

#mk1 #bi han #sub zero #h #havik #mortal kombat #tomas vrbada #smoke mk1 #kenshi takahashi #arthur morgan #red dead redemption two #halsin #buldars gate 3 #bear man #i choose the bear #tallahassee #zombieland double tap

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junousher · 1 year

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@lgbtqcreators creator bingo: tropes

EMMA STONE as WITCHITA in ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP

#userheidikins #userlgbtq #zombieland double tap #emma stone #tusercat #userrin #underbetelgeuse #userjean #rogerhealey #userbirb #estoneedit #tuserjen #userannalise #userrobin #userbaz #userhallie #userkaylee

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nkp1981 · 3 months

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#woody harrelson #cheers #zombieland #zombieland double tap #the hunger games

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monimoonn · 2 years

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You really just have to add Zombies to literally any piece of media and I will eat it up like a starving man no questions asked.

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mikimeiko · 2 years

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Zombieland: Double Tap | Directer by Ruben Fleischer (2019)

#zombieland #zombieland double tap #surprisingly good #like i was prepared for it to be an uninspired ok film and IT WASN'T #for once a ten years after sequel was actually a good idea #movies #films i watched in 2022 #i made this #i just want a tag for the things i personally put out into the world

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blissfultyranny · 5 months

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un actually zombieland is the best movie and tallahassee and mark zuckerberg or whatever are husbands

#oh my god his name is columbus #zombieland #tallahasse #columbus #tallahasse x columbus #zombieland saga #zombieland 2009 #zombieland double tap #talumbus

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altrodent · 1 year

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I have been watching, reading, and playing so many things recently so here is some content you can expect to see from me soon-ish (hopefully)!

ZOMBIE-LAND

• Columbus (duh)

• Tallahassee (if you guys behave, istg 😭)

BORDERLANDS (Tales From The Borderlands)

• Rhys (Obvi, honestly obsessed atm)

• Vaughn (🩷)

• Hologram Handsome Jack (maybe some angst 👀)

• August (I know, I know, don’t judge!)

BASEKETBALL

•Coop, Remer, and maybe both of them at the same time again 🤭

REQUESTS!

I have received a BUNCH of requests lately, and I’m super happy, I’ll make sure those are my priority as I am thrilled to have your support! But just know I have seen them and I am/will be working on them!🩷

Thank you for all the love and support, seeing you guys enjoy my work means the world to me 🖤

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actressplayground4 · 3 days

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Abigail Breslin (23) in Zombieland Double Tap (201

#abigail breslin #Zombieland #zombieland double tap #zombieland saga #actress #a #2010s #10

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pastelpastrypan · 1 year

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Art of me and the boys’ Project zomboid characters 💕

#my art crap #my artwork #project zomboid #ocs #Zombieland #Madison zombieland #zombieland double tap

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dantakeyoman · 10 months

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𝐉𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐘 | 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐰𝐨

♡ 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

♡ * 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚: 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍 *

𝐎𝐍𝐄

The last six years had been the best years of your life, including pre-Z day.

...

Okay, maybe not best, but very high up there.

Never, in this life or the next, would you have guessed that these people would become such an important part of your life.

Or that your relationship would begin to feel nothing short of familial.

Save for Tallahassee, of course.

You had taken on a sort of motherly figure towards Little Rock, and for Wichita and Columbus...

Maybe one of those laid back aunts?

Anyways, your East Coast tour with the apocalyptic Brady Bunch had brought you to the White House...or whatever's left of it.

The five of you decided to hole up there for a little while and rest in style.

But after a month or so of being cooped up in the mansion, you decided to take up your own form of relaxation by working on one of the limos left in the White House Garage.

It actually worked as a sort of bonding activity for you and Tal, seeing as he was looking for something to fill the Cadillac Escalade sized hole that had been left in his heart.

"I love you so much, baby," Tallahassee cooed, lifting his welding mask with a look of pure admiration, "You're gorgeous."

You rolled out from under the car and lifted your grease smudged goggles, shooting him a glare.

And as if he could feel your gaze, he turned to you, changing his tune.

"Of course, not as much as you, darlin'," he assured, flipping his mask back on and getting to work, "The Beast here's a close second."

"Lucky me," you sarcastically smiled, standing up and grabbing a rag to wipe your hands, "Ya hear that, Little Rock? I'm a narrow first to a car."

She laughed, sitting herself on the table and handing you your toolbox.

You and Tallahassee still hadn't hashed out exactly what you were, or labelled it in any sort of way.

You two had kissed, made out, fucked, but never actually talked about what it meant to one another.

Shoot, you two hadn't even said the L word yet.

But it was just known within the group that you were together exclusively, no names attached, and that was the way it would most likely stay.

"Just goes to show that romance is a bust. There'll always be a tricked out car ready to replace you."

Little Rock looked like she was thinking for a moment, before a smile stretched on her face.

"Well, maybe being first to a car wouldn't be so bad...if we find someone for me," she suggested.

Just as you were about to respond, Tal lifted his mask with an obnoxious laugh.

"Shouldn't be a problem," he chuckled, "As long as you're open to dating zombies."

You facepalmed.

Sometimes you wondered if he had the bone that helps you sympathize just completely taken out his body.

"So you're saying what? I'm never gonna find a boyfriend? Or get married? Have a family?" She asked.

"We're your family, so one outta three ain't bad," he shrugged.

You sighed, covering your face.

That was the worst possible answer.

In an upset huff, Little Rock stormed off, leaving the garage.

And when she was completely gone, you hit Tal in the head with a bolt.

"Ow!" He winced, sharply turning to you as he rubbed the area, "The hell was that for?"

"You need to stop babyin' her," you scolded, starting to pack up your tools and such for the day, "She's eighteen, and she feels a little cooped up at the moment. It's normal. We just gotta find her some people to hang out with."

"We're people," he scoffed, muffled by his mask as he turned off his blow torch.

"Other people her age, Tally," you clarified, turning to him with a tired look.

He let out his own sigh, climbing out the tiny cock-pit of the Beast and taking off his mask.

"I don't understand why she's so antsy. We got everythin' you could ever want right here," he shook his head, undoing his welding apron.

"She's an adult, and she has needs," you started, putting your toolbox in its assigned cabinet, "Needs which, believe it or not, will not be satisfied by killin' zombies or fixin' up cars."

He tilted his head, confused about what you were talking about.

Until you raised your eyebrows with a knowing look, and the realization hit

"She's too young," he immediately denied.

You scoffed.

"How old were you when you had your first?"

...

"That's not important."

"I rest my case," you smirked.

"Even if that was something that was...needed...there isn't a soul for miles," he waved you off.

"Well then maybe soon, we might wanna travel some miles to find her somebody," you huffed, starting to get frustrated with his stubbornness.

"Who? Some random twenty somethin' that wants ta get his wick wet? Or a desperate teen that doesn't know his own ass from a hole in the ground?"

Fair point.

You scoffed.

Annoyingly fair point.

You rolled your eyes, turning away from him to finish cleaning up.

Tal smiled to himself, happy he had won the argument, but after a minute or so, he noticed that you were still icing him out.

And he'd rather have lost then face your cold shoulder.

So he rested his hands on your waist and gently turning you around to face him.

You cocked an eyebrow, and he placed a kiss on your hairline.

"I just wanna do what's best for her. You know that," he said sincerely, leaning his forehead into yours.

In your head, you cursed at yourself, pissed and embarrassed that you were already melting for him.

You knew he hated the cold shoulder.

He knew you liked it when he got soft all of a sudden.

You knew that he hates it when you don't react.

And he knew you went crazy for his accent.

Unstoppable force meets immovable object.

...

You caved.

"You love playin' me for a sucker, donchu?"

He chuckled.

"My favorite pass-time."

"I hate you."

"Wasn't what you was sayin' two nights ago."

"You're sleepin' on the couch."

"An' you're comin' with me," he smirked, pulling you in for a kiss.

You rolled your eyes, but eased into it, throwing your arms over his shoulders.

'This man's gonna be the death of me.'

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

"Hello? Ho, ho, ho!" Tallahassee smiled, popping out from behind his Christmas tree, "Merry Christmas!"

He was dressed in a red blazer with a Santa hat and cotton balls he'd glued in the shape of a beard.

'Oh, no.'

"Hey, Tal," Little Rock sighed.

"Santa," he corrected.

Columbus and Wichita were trying desperately not to laugh, and you pinched the bridge of your nose, tired.

He plopped himself down in a chair, patting his knee for Little Rock to sit, "What would you like for Christmas, little girl? A pony?"

"No, I'd actually really like you to stop calling me little girl," she shook her head.

"Well, technically, you are little and you're a girl," he corrected again.

"Well, uh, I am not a little girl, Santa," Columbus chimed, handing his gun to Wichita and sitting down on Tal's knee, "But do you know what I would like?"

"I don't give a fuck what you like," Tal denied in his Santa voice, shoving Columbus off his knee.

"I'm getting a drink," you sighed, walking over to the President's desk and grabbing his mug, pouring yourself some bourbon.

"That reminds me," Wichita perked up with a smile, "Gifts. We have gifts."

Everyone took a seat on the couches as she grabbed a brown paper bag out from under the tree and handed it to Columbus.

"Oh my God," he went wide eyed with a smile as he pulled out a book, "It's a first edition Tolkien. And you wrote in it. There's my name right there, marring this perfectly preserved paper. And yours, too."

"I actually drew the portrait of you in the back," you smirked, kicking up your feet on the table.

He flipped the book over, opening to the back page to see you had made a horribly drawn stick caricature of him that had an odd emphasis on his hair.

"You didn't stop. Thank you so much," he smiled, giving you a thankful nod before moving to Wichita's couch and giving her a kiss.

"Touching," Tal nodded, going over to the tree and picking up a present, handing it to Little Rock, "I couldn't find any wrapping paper but don't worry, just tear it open. It doesn't matter. S'only Taft."

He literally wrapped the present with a painting of Former President William Howard Taft.

"He was our fattest president, so there's actually quite a lot left over. If you need some wrapping paper," he sighed, "Columbus, I didn't get anything from you."

"I didn't get anything from you," you added, taking a sip of your bourbon.

"Your gift's later," he assured, giving you an awful wink-smirk combination.

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose as the others caught on to what he was implying.

"With Santa..." Columbus shook his head disapprovingly.

"No one wants to know that," Little Rock shivered.

"Do you ever get sick of sleeping on the couch?" You wondered out loud.

You weren't against the present, not one bit.

But the concept of time and place is something that Tallahassee just couldn't grasp.

Little Rock had torn through the Taft wrapping paper and opened the box to see that it was a fancy looking revolver.

"Just what I wanted. Another gun," Little Rock sarcastically smiled, visibly sinking at the sight of it

"Oh, hey, well, not just any gun. A Colt .45," Tal corrected, pulling out the weapon, "And not just any Colt .45, the King's."

"England? Denmark? Lichtenstein?" Columbus guessed.

"Here we go," you sighed, already knowing what was coming.

He'd talked your ear off so many times about him that you might as well have known the man personally.

"There's only one king," Tal held up a finger, posing like a certain 50s rockstar, "Elvis Aaron fuckin' Presley, the greatest who ever lived. The king of kings."

"Yup," you popped the p, taking another sip of your drink.

"He gave this gun to Nixon when he visited the White House, and I give it to you locked and loaded," Tal smiled, handing it back to her, "Yeah, he used to shoot that Colt in his backyard. King's palace. Memphis, Tennessee. I tell you about Graceland?"

"Only like a hundred times," Little Rock quickly answered.

"We'll go there together someday," he nodded.

"Actually, I'm gonna go shoot this right now," she stated, standing up, "I think I saw some Zs down by the reflecting pool."

"I'll go with," he suggested, but more like insisted.

"I'll go by myself," she assured, frustration showing plainly on her face.

'Oh, shit.'

"It's Christmas," he gasped, offended.

"It's not fucking Christmas, it's November 17th," she scoffed, walking out and slamming the door behind herself.

Tal looked shocked at her sudden outburst, and also slightly hurt.

You groaned, letting your head fall back for a moment.

'It's like shit just goes into one ear and right out the other with this man.'

"Tallahassee, what did we discuss a couple days ago?" You rhetorically asked.

He paused for a moment, slightly nerved by the use of his full name and the sudden question.

...

"I need to stop babyin' her," he answered, the wheels starting to turn.

"And what did you just do?"

".............Baby her."

"Thank you," you smiled, "Now give the damn girl her space."

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

"I mean, it's not like I started wedding planning or anything. I'm not crazy," Columbus vented, now going on month two.

"Who wants to get married in winter? Spring, sure."

You, Columbus, and Tallahassee were currently riding motor scooters around a mall, trying to get over the events of last month.

Tal's Santa display was the final straw for Little Rock.

She was sick of him treating her like she was still twelve, and was sick of having no one her age to talk to about it.

And on top of that, a horribly timed proposal from Columbus to Wichita, which made the woman incredibly uncomfortable.

So they took the Beast and hightailed it.

Again.

So for the last two months straight, the only thing Columbus was willing to talk about was Wichita, Wichita, Wichita.

And it was driving you and Tallahassee up a wall.

Until, he eventually broke.

"I mean with my hair and the humidity-." "Oh, my God, man! I cannot listen to this shit anymore! It's been over a month!"

"Yeah, I'm bereft," he agreed.

"I'm giving you one more day to mope around, and then you gotta snap the fuck outta it," Tal sighed, "This whole finding a home idea of yours has made us soft, and by us, I mean you."

"It's high time that we nut up and hit the road again. And by we, I mean me. That's where I belong. Lone wolf. You are welcome to tag along."

You sighed, massaging your temple.

You had the feeling that Little Rock was going to crack soon.

You knew something like this was gonna happen.

And yet you had done nothing to prevent it.

Now, you were paying the price.

The girls gone.

The guys arguing.

And one skull-splitting headache.

The snarls of a zombie snapped you out of your self-reproaching thoughts, and you let out a sigh of relief.

It was huddled near the mirror of a destroyed clothing store, dressed as if she was once a shopper there.

Tallahassee lifted his gun, about to shoot it when you held your arm out in front of him.

"I'm taking this one," you stated in a tone that left no argument, hopping off your scooter.

The two men turned to each other, one with a look of worry and one with a look of pride.

The zombie continued to hiss, staying in its place as you walked closer, a pissed look on your face.

Noticing a halfway broken bottle on the ground, you kicked it into the monster's face, it letting out an agitated roar and sprinting towards you.

You quickly unsheathed the crowbar from your pants loop and wound up your swing, slamming a full force hit right into the zombie's face.

It fell to the ground, gurgling and spitting up blood, but you pressed on, bashing the poor thing in any and every spot you could reach.

Until eventually it looked like a pile of mushy, bloody ground meat.

"That's gotta be, like, a thirteen-tuple tap," Columbus chimed, feeling sorry for the zombie as you were still beating the living shit out of it, "I'm pretty sure it's dead."

Landing a final hit on her face, you stopped, panting as you looked down at your work.

...

'Yikes.'

Okay, maybe that wasn't entirely about Little Rock.

In all honesty, Tallahassee's talk about striking out on his own made something pang in your chest.

Something sharp.

Something that had never happened before.

You were self-aware enough to know that you'd gotten seriously attached to the man over the last six years, and while he was a major pain in the ass, it would be incredibly hard for you to press on without him.

So, seeing and hearing him say so easily that he should just go off on his own, made you feel like shit.

And a little ashamed, too.

"Got it all out your system?" Tallahassee cockily asked, practically glowing.

He was proud to say that you were his gal.

His sexy, zombie-beating gal.

"Yeah," you caught your breath, tossing the crow bar, "Just needed a punching bag."

"Y'know, I never told y'all this before," he started, your display suddenly reminding him of something, "In fact, I never told anybody."

You turned around to face him, cocking a brow.

Columbus was also intrigued.

"But I have Native American blood coursing through my veins."

...

You did your best to suppress a snicker.

"Like, right now?" Columbus asked, fighting back a smile.

"Yeah, right now. Blackfoot Indian to be exact," Tal nodded, stepping off his scooter and walking over to one of the stores, "The freest men in history. Mid-1800s, roamed the plains, no houses, no laws, no possessions, no chiefs to report to, no wives to listen to."

'Wonder how long they lasted.'

"They listened....to the call of the Buffalo," he smirked, starting to push a bunch of jewelry off a table, "And the hunted those buffalo by herding them off the cliff to their deaths. The Great Buffalo Jump."

You rolled your eyes and turned around to go look for another blunt force object, already sensing a rant coming on.

And Columbus did, too, whipping around his scooter to look for a candle store.

"I don't know why I never told anyone about my Blackfoot blood. I guess it's just a sacred little secret. Honestly, you two are the first non-tribesmen I have genuinely trusted because you've always been there for me. You care and you listen. You really listen."

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

#tallahassee x reader #tallahassee #zombieland x reader #zombieland #zombieland double tap #zombieland double tap x reader

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