#You are not immune to being ableist just because you're also disabled. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

worshipper-status · 21 days

Text

💙A General Guide to Taking Care of a Disabled Darling (From a Disabled Yandere)💙

Hiya everyone! I saw someone make a guide on this and wanted to add some more in depth detail as a disabled yandere so I can give you all the best advice on keeping and caring for your darling. Admittedly as someone who's disabled, nothing makes me want to be away from someone more than someone who is ableist so if you want to keep a darling with a disability it's best to be informed. I'm going to approach this as if you are in an active relationship with someone just because that's where a lot of my perspective comes from (as well as from the perspective of my personal disabilities) but if you all want any more advice please tell me! Anyways onto the list!

(Long post below)

1.) Research, research, research

If your darling tells you what specific conditions they deal with write it down. Remember it. Anything. And when you get a spare moment, I want you to pour yourself into research for that condition and generally how disabled people are treated. If you are an able-bodied yandere, you are not immune to ableism and that is the number one thing that will push your darling away. Learn everything you can about their condition. What may help one disability may hurt another. Also if you and your darling are on good terms don't be afraid to ask questions! Take note of what personally helps them. Good example, while hot water is known to help with joint pain and muscle aches it can be really bad for disabilities that cause light headedness and vertigo like POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) so knowing what you're dealing with can give you a leg up.

As a general note, try to avoid telling them to exercise, meditate, do yoga, go on a diet, etc. If that stuff could fix out conditions we already would have done it, and for certain conditions, it can make symptoms worse. Please listen to your darling on what they specifically need. Become an expert on every facet of them and their opinions on their disability. If you're reading this you're probably a yandere so it's not exactly like research is hard for us.

2.) Have supplies on hand

Being disabled and going anywhere usually requires some level of forethought, or effort. So try making it easier by having supplies on hand. Here's a list of stuff I keep on me at all times to aid with m disabilities when I'm out in the wild!

Pain meds of choice

Instant hot packs

Instant cold packs

Hot and cold pain cream (BIOFREEZE IS EXPENSIVE BUT IT WORKS SO WELL)

Electrolyte drink or drink mix with water

Compression items for different joints

Blood pressure reader of some kind (I use a fitbit tbh)

Headphones

Sunglasses (Sun is to bright, don't judge)

Fidget toys

My mobility aid

Now this is what I personally carry on myself. What you can carry for your darling is going to vary on who they are, where they stand in your life and what their disabilities are. (Note: If you know someone with POTS and they have a flare up, being able to provide an electrolyte drink during the episode may help get you on their good side, especially if they know you as someone they can rely on for that. Don't hold me to that advice all I know is I would probably marry someone if they did that for me lmao.)

Adjust to what they personally need. There's a lot of other items that could be useful to have on hand depending on what their disabilities are, such as different types of OTC meds you could grab, specific compression items, heart rate monitors, glucose monitors, vomit bags, incontinence products, if legal marijuana products, etc. It's all based on what they struggle with which is why step one is research. You can't build a medical supply kit if you don't know what you're trying to treat.

3.) Be their advocate

This is the me lecturing you about ableism section. Your darling whether physically or mentally disabled has to put up with a LOT of bullshit. Ableism is very deeply rooted in our society, so often you're gonna see your darling in certain situations. Strangers asking whats wrong with them, people claiming they don't have what they say they have, saying their faking for attention, saying they don't really need XYZ support item, etc. You need to learn to defend your darling the correct way.

It's going to vary from person to person, from situation to situation, but your best bet is shutting shit like that down. some stranger walks up to your wheelchair using yandere and asks what's wrong with them? Tell them your darlings medical history is none of their business. Someone says their lazy for using their supports? Stand up for them. Say they need these supports and being on a fair playing field with everyone else isn't lazy. At a doctor's appointment and your darling is AFAB and the doctor's trying to blow off their symptoms? Tell them what you've seen. Ask the doc what they would do if your darling wasn't AFAB. Tell them to mark lack of treatment in charts. Make the doctors cover their asses. You in these settings are your darling's biggest resource.

But also...

4.) Learn when to shut the fuck up. Don't put your foot in your mouth.

You (if you are an able bodied yandere, which is my target demographic with this) reading this, probably struggle a lot with being ableist and don't even realize. This is where listening to others is gonna win you a lot of brownie points. Sometimes, you need to advocate, sometimes, especially in disabled spaces with your darling, you need to learn to shut the fuck up and listen. It will usually benefit you greatly to not speak over your darling in these settings because it can give you a lot of useful info on how to deepen your relationship and also not be an ass to them. In the beginning, there's going to be times where you say hurtful shit. Move your pride to the side and apologize. You are not immune to having bigoted ideals. General rule of thumb, if your darling wants to speak first, let them, you can give input afterwards. And if they specifically tell you to shut up in a certain setting because you're talking over them, shut up.

5.) Okay now for the fun stuff. Love languages!

With people who struggle with disabilities, they may express their love languages in different ways. Acts of service may carry more weight if your darling really struggles with tasks. Quality time may matter more if they're bed ridden and bored out of their mind. Here is a very general guide of love language actions for disabled darlings.

Acts of Service:

Cleaning their room for them

Doing the dishes

Taking out trash

Doing their laundry

Making doctor's appointments for them

Taking them to and from doctor's appointments

Refilling and picking up their prescriptions

Quality Time:

If they're in a pain flare, keep them company, even if it's just napping with them!

Watch shows with them if they're struggling with doing anything that requires a lot of movement.

Run errands with them, so they can have help with difficult tasks like carrying heavy objects, or talking to customer service representatives.

If they're unable to leave the house but able to move a little bit, suggest video games, board games, or some fun low energy activity together

Go to doctor's appointments with them. Like be in the physical room. You'd be surprised how much it helps if your darling wants the assistance.

Words of Affirmation:

ENCOURAGE THEM

SERIOUSLY BEING DISABLED IS SO FUCKING HARD

THEY GOT OUT OF BED TODAY? PRAISE THEM!

THEY DECIDED TO MAKE A MEAL INSTEAD OF EATING ONLY DORITOS? PRAISE THEM!

EVERYTHING THEY DO REQUIRES MORE EFFORT THAN THE NORMAL HUMAN YOU BETTER FUCKING BE PRAISING THEM FOR THAT SHIT

Physical Touch:

Okay, gonna get the caveat out of the way, some conditions will cause physical touch to be painful. Find out from your darling if that's the case. Otherwise...

Does your darling struggle with hygiene? Do they trust you enough to be naked in front of you? Shower together. Not even in a horny way, taking showers while disabled fucking sucks man. Having someone to help me wash myself helps a lot. Bonus points if shower chair is involved.

Massages. If your loved one needs a lot of creams or ointments, put them on for them, work them in carefully. If they're more pain treatments, a deeper massage may also help work those knots out. Just be careful and be gentle and slow. Listen to your darling. Pay attention to their responses. Whether they're leaning into or away from how hard you're kneading. Just communicate clearly for this. Don't hurt them on accident

Cuddles. I'm gonna be blunt. Sometimes, your darling will end up stuck in bed barely able to do anything. Cuddle them. Being stuck is so much less lonely that way. Also bonus points for nap time being a quality time thing.

Help them with "intimate" tasks they may struggle with. Showering together goes in this category but for a broader purpose, this category exists. Once again this has to have that layer of trust, but this is things like helping them get dressed, helping them feed themselves, helping them brush their teeth or manage their hair (PLEASE DO RESEARCH ON THEIR HAIR TYPE FOR THIS).

Receiving Gifts:

Help them pay for medical supplies if you can afford it. It doesn't need to be a power chair. If you want to just buy someone some ibuprofen, or a heating pad, or just like... some small item that may help them, I promise you it will matter. If they mention running low on a critical medical supply that's OTC and you have the money for, just buy it for them.

Buying them things that can keep them entertained in bed or inside the house is also a really nice thoughtful item.

STREAMING SERVICES!!! IF YOU CAN PAY FOR A SUBSCRIPTION OF THEIR CHOICE TO ANY STREAMING SERVICE THEY WANT. GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO BINGE WATCH WITH YOU WHILE STUCK IN BED.

This one is a little more tailored to me, but if your darling is like me and appreciates monthly subscription boxes with surprise items in them, consider a "spoonie" or "chronic illness" box. They are usually pretty surface level stuff but the items in them tend to be nice and veer in the self care category so it's an option to consider.

Don't give them "Get well soon cards" unless you know FOR CERTAIN that whatever is plaguing them right now can actually get well soon. Most disabilities you can't recover from. There is no "get well soon" for most of us. Don't give us a reminder of that.

Anyways! That's my list. Feel free to add onto this if you all have any other ideas. If you're ableist in my notes, I freely block and report so don't test me.

Have a nice day!

(I didn't proofread this, please cut me some slack if this is all over the place)

20 notes · View notes

the80srewinders · 3 months

Text

So I posted the truth on why sysmeds are the way they are. How they attack people who they feel are invalidating them and anyone who disproves their false reality they hide in. How they bait the people they want to smear. And I got a comment on that post that proves as an example of that.

First, I'd like to start with this is blatant misgendering: I have never gave any gender clues on this account about me (host.) I never used a feminine name here, and the name I chose is gender neutral and common with masculine aligned people, non binary or transgender. I don't advertise my pronouns here because I like some form of anonymity, and the name I use on here is not my real name as an alter, host at that, or anywhere- its a way of keeping anonymous, somewhat. So what this person did was assume gender or intentionally use "girl" knowing there is a chance I might not be. That alone says all you need to know about this person.

Yes, the body is special needs. Not revealing too much for safety, but we have immune system issues and psychological issues other than DID and CPTSD. But how does special needs even come into this? Even if you're referring to the ableist stereotype on people who are both mentally and physically disabled, it still doesn't mean they can't be plural from trauma. Or at all.

You don't need trauma to be a system. You might need it to be a DID/OSDD system, but even that hasn't been proven yet and as of this writing (February 1 2024) it is not listed as a requirement in the DSM or ICD. There have been people with DID/OSDD who report no trauma although those numbers are small. People have spread the "DID/OSDD forms from trauma only" view without knowing that for a fact- sure its what causes most cases of DID/OSDD, including ours. But if you read the science behind how DID develops, a high ability to dissociate is all that's needed besides overwhelming experiences. This could be sensory/overstimulation in an autistic child (and many people with DID/OSDD also have autism, maybe sensory/overstimulation trauma causes or paves the way for DID/OSDD in them) or frequently having needles and other scary or invasive medical treatments as a child. DID/OSDD is commonly associated with the most severe abuse when it's not always the case. If DID/OSDD is a disorder caused by trauma then why can't "mild trauma" be on that list if it causes dissociation? What seems like "mild trauma" is severe to a small child in the age range DID/OSDD develops.

And about the "have a horrible life" comment, thank you because it's obvious I have or else I wouldn't have DID to hear you tell it, right?

That's also not something to say to someone who is still struggling with their trauma. Being a so called traumatized person going out here and saying hateful comments like that only proves that you let your trauma turn you into a miserable toxic exclusionist, when we built ourselves into better people because of our trauma. You know trauma is a serious and sensitive subject, and you should be just as serious and thoughtful when talking to other traumatized people.

Also I'd like to add the use of delusion in this context is ableist. Delusions are often painful to the people who have them and people with DID/OSDD can experience delusions, as can anyone with any mental disorder. The brain is complex and no one will fully understand it, which is why we're always going to advocate for everyone's lived experiences.

#dissociative identity disorder #actually dissociative #other specified dissociative disorder #osddid #dissociation #pro endo #endo safe #syscourse

29 notes · View notes

q-u-a-rantine-high-school · 9 months

Text

Okay so I've just gotten a sudden wave of disability pride month posts on my feed, which is not a problem, I don't have a problem with it at all, however I do have a problem with the fact that almost all of the posts are just physically disabled people shitting on mentally disabled people who are able-bodied. Please keep reading, I'm going to put a cut here because its a bit of a long post

Most of them are by the same person, or same couple of people, and they are making them under the guise of pointing out the issue of able-bodied mentality disabled people being ableist to physically disabled people. But when you read through them, what they are saying and how they are saying it really isn't that.

All I'm seeing is basically them saying 'you're not disabled enough for me because you can still move you're body and you should be ashamed of yourself for that, and so now I'm going to make you feel like an idiot and a child and also you're ableist if you call me out.'

And I keep seeing the same person saying that they're making posts about physically disabled people for physically disabled people on their blog about disabled people when instead the whole post is just them complaining (quite aggressively too) about mentally disabled people. They keep saying that just because you're neurodivergent doesn't make you immune to being ableist, but that goes both ways. Just because you're physically disabled doesn't make you immune to being ableist either

I'm seeing people complain about how physically disabled people are being verbally harassed when they are quite literally doing the same thing to mentally disabled people at the same time. I even saw them complaining about someone saying we should all be supporting each other. They keep saying "make your own post" but then come into the replies of those posts and keep bitching. And then they have the audacity to complain about being called ableist and try to turn it around on mentally disabled people again.

I understand that it can be and is a problem but holy shit, you don't need to do it back. It's a problem enough for some mentally disabled people not feeling comfortable enough to call their disability a disability, even though that's what it is, because they don't feel like they're disabled enough and you are not helping. This time is for all of us, not just you. We are supposed to be proud of ourselves, each other, and support each other, and all you are doing is shitting on other people just because they aren't disabled enough for you. And then for you to tell them to get over themselves. No, you need to get over yourself.

You are not more special just because your disability is physical. We are not less disabled just because we are still able-bodied.

#and this is not me shitting on physically disabled people #so dont you dare try that shit here #this is a post calling out the people who are being hypocrites #im not debating anyone on this so again don't even try that shit #disability #disabled #disabilties #disability pride month #disabled positivity #happy disability pride month #physical disability #physically disabled #mentally disabled #mental disability

12 notes · View notes

anothergameofwickedgrace · 10 months

Text

I'm sick as fuck at people under 22 acting like anyone older than them is the fucking crypt keeper. And like you should just expire for daring to age.

That's ageist as fuck.

Woman alone get told they're worthless after 25 and you assholes are perpetuating the same fucking rhetoric.

People in their 20s, 30s, and even 40s are not old, you fucking babies. Grow up. Fr. Because one day you will age too and I hope you're treated the way you treat others.

I'm also so fucking done with teens and younger adults demonizing people over 25 in fandom space. Because apparently when you get older you lose all your interests??? And you're not allowed to have fun? You guys know the people that run the events and all the famous cosplayers are usually over 30? That the people who make the content you like are almost always (gasp) adults over 25??

Just fucking stop with hating people older than you for the crime of being born before you. Its gross and you are a shitty person. You are not better than them because you're younger.

Also I'd also like to say that trying to prevent old people from voting is both ageist and ableist as fuck. Heaven forbid older (and usually disabled) people get a say in the society they live in. Should they just live without representation until they die? That's not ok. Its actually really fucked up!

STOP. OTHERING. PEOPLE. That is some conservative bullshit. Turning against someone for existing in a way you find lesser. Making fun of people for aging even though everyone will. Even though it's already hard enough alone. Just stop. Go to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

I don't ever remember anyone I know acting so hateful to people for being older when I was a teenager. So why, in a generation who likes to say they're for acceptance and equality and kindness, are you so hateful and discriminatory? Put your money where your fucking mouth is and use some empathy and understanding on people who are different than you. I shouldn't have to tell this to self proclaimed left leaning people.

You love to pretend you're better than all those "stupid old people", so why don't you fucking act like it? Why can you only see things in black and white? Why are you cruel to people who haven't done you anything, but just dared to exist over the age 22? If this is the hateful way you treat and talk about people, then I understand why you act this way. Because you are a fucking child. A baby. Teenagers are fully functioning people who have the ability to understand nuance. You don't get to plead innocence due to age. Sorry. You want to be taken seriously, so understand your words have consequence. You are not immune to criticism.

Stop being ageist. Just stop. You'll thank me later when harmful rhetoric isn't aimed at you when you get older.

#also im not a fucking millenial or a fucking gen Z #and the infighting is disgusting #we are all on the same side #those are your siblings guys #Im tech a zillennial so im stuck between you two #im tired of millennials acting childish by starting fights with gen Z #but I'm more tired of gen Z doing the same to millenials and then acting like the older adult is in the wrong for responding to their bs #im a Zillenial and im fucking tired of the generation wars #youre letting them win by turing against each other #ageism #wicked rambles

9 notes · View notes

jacky-rubou · 6 months

Note

Any commentary to share on "He Signs I Love You"? That story got me right in the heart </3

sure i do!

i find giving my favorite characters disabilities they don't have in canon to be fascinating to think about, one of the reasons I had the idea for that fic in the first place.

At first, I wondered about having Ford become paralyzed after Crampelter knocked him around too hard when he was a kid, but having it be Stan during the Portal fight felt better plot wise. also didn't know how I'd work it out if he was paralyzed that early.

There was a point where I debated making Ford's traumatic brain injury be bad enough to give him semi-permanent amnesia they'd have to work through, but I wanted him to know most of what was going on so i just didn't go through with that.

I believe I made Ford mute and not able to write well enough to be legible anymore because I wanted it to be a little more difficult for him to tell Stan about Bill. Also because I couldn't leave the idea of Ford using sign language with his six fingers and everything. I thought the idea was neat.

I did kinda want to make Ford feel a bit more angry about what Stan did to him (on accident, but y'know), but i think i was a hair too worried about accidentally coming off as ableist to go through with it properly. also i was having a hard time making Ford as angry as he should be because i'm so biased when it comes to him. if i were to rewrite it, i would probably make the process for Ford reconciling with Stan take a little bit more time. i'm trying to do better with this in my Blind!Ford au haha.

there was so much I researched for this fic, it's crazy. I wanted to be as true to the experience of being disabled in the way I made Ford disabled as an able-bodied person as myself could possibly write. I may have fallen short in some aspects, but I swear I was trying. I hope the research shined through in my writing.

a scene I wanted to do but ended up not doing was Ford trying to wash himself in the bath but worrying Stan enough for him to try helping. But it felt awkward by the time I would've gotten to that so I ditched it.

When the kids come to town, I wanted them to find out how Ford got paralyzed by finding the basement and seeing a bit of dried blood where Ford had been injured on the controls and asking Ford about it. But I was too writing exhausted at that point to even try it, plus I didn't think it would fit. In the au canonically, I think they just spotted scarring on the back of his neck and head and asked about it that way.

Having Ford pass away at the end was not part of the plan. I was initially just gonna give him a regular boring happy ever after ending, but it felt a little unfulfilling somehow. I had the idea to end it like this because I remembered something about paralysis weakening the immune system and potentially shortening the life span of those with the disability. Also the angst was too perfect to ignore. And I think it worked out pretty well. I feel it works just fine in this au.

that's pretty much the basics of what I want to say commentary wise. if there's anything specific about this au or another fic you want the director's commentary that you're curious about, feel free to send in another ask about it. thank you for the ask and hope you like my commentary here.

#AskJacky #ask game #gravity falls #ford pines #stanford pines #au #sorry for bein late

5 notes · View notes

septembersghost · 2 years

Note

so I totally understand being afraid to catch covid when u are already chronically ill and have a malfunctioning immune system, but do u think vaccines actually make a difference? my parents are both vaccinated 4x and they got it twice (the first time was like 2 weeks after their fourth vaccination!) so if u are out and about, it doesn't actually matter who's vaccinated and who isn't, it literally makes no difference

vaccines make a monumental difference because they lessen severity, i know you mean well asking this, but it's this kind of mindset that's making everything really scary and difficult right now, because people conflate being vaccinated with never catching it ever, and that's not true of any immunization, although it does lessen communicability and a virus' incubation. you can get sick twice, but you're not ending up in the ICU on a ventilator, or in the ground. the majority of the people dying now are unvaccinated. the vaccine doesn't 100% protect you against long-covid, but it will absolutely reduce the likelihood that you're going to be permanently disabled by the virus.

also, "it makes no difference" is ableist and harmful FOR people like me. every single healthy, able-bodied person should be vaccinated not only to protect themselves, but to protect everyone around them. just because *you* don't get sick or don't have symptoms doesn't mean you're not going to pass it to someone else who might be immunocompromised and at severe risk. that's why masks are important and why the mandates being lifted is troubling, because it's not just about individuals! it's about everyone around us at any given time. masks reduce communicability, the vaccine reduces communicability and severity. "it doesn't matter" is like saying everyone with a compromised immune system should just never leave the house again (which is mostly what i've had to do) because we don't deserve to be safe. the vaccine is protective even if it isn't 100% foolproof. the reason we drastically reduced/nearly eradicated smallpox and polio are because vaccines exist - but if people stop being vaccinated against them, they're going to come back (hence we've already seen instances of both thanks to anti-vaxxers). the flu vaccine is important for the exact same reasons. do you have a tetanus vaccine? chicken pox? meningitis? mmr when you were a baby? it's all for these same reasons, nothing eliminates the chance of catching something altogether, but all these viruses are lessened and mitigated by vaccinations.

mild cold symptoms versus death is a MASSIVE difference, i cannot possibly impress strongly enough how vital this is.

#anonymous #letterbox #covid

18 notes · View notes

bloodanddiscoballs · 2 years

Text

So, I think it's possible to accidentally parrot ideology long before actually sliding into the harmful group that they are parroting from, and I think that anyone and everyone can be guilty of this.

You being a part of one marginalized group does not automatically mean that you are exempt from this. Having hateful messages packaged in a way that is all about keeping others safe or standing up to something/someone is exactly how dangerous ideologies get traction and how all harmful groups grow. In an age where we are being told that you must always be angry about something, it is even easier for this method of spreading to work. I've seen various people fully parrot things that TERFs say, just adding a more LGBT friendly twist to it. I've seen disabled people say ableist things but frame it in a way that clearly shows that they don't think they're being ableist. I've heard various People of Color be racist, both backhandedly and fully, to other People of Color and act as if they aren't because they said it in a way that, in their mind, wasn't racist. I've watched as people from all of these different groups spout harmful ideology about people from other marginalized groups packaged in a way that sounded completely different and almost helpful/positive. Almost.

Look, harmful ideas are not always put in front of you in black and white packaging. Sometimes, it's going to be incredibly obvious to you. Don't ignore those moments. Call it out for what it is and act accordingly. However, don't assume that this is the only way that harmful messages are introduced into society. In fact, more often than not, it's the sneaky method that you will come into contact with, especially nowadays. Messages need to be palatable in order for them to be adopted into one's belief system and into society as a whole. You and I are never going to be immune to this tactic. You and I are not above being duped by those who want to hurt others.

It takes constant work and utilizes your critical thinking skills with everything you read. I'm not about to tell you that this can't be exhausting because it can! Sometimes, you're just not in the mood to work everything over in your mind and ask serious questions. That's ok! In those moments, I think it's healthy to say, "I need to come back to this" when faced with articles, posts, videos, etc. that require your attention. This also means not reblogging posts blindly. Misinformation is spread like wildfire on social media and quickly takes on a life of its own. We've watched this happen here on Tumblr many times. All I'm saying is that just because something is written or spoken with the language of the oppressed group does not mean that it is not harmful. Just because it is written or spoken by a member of an oppressed group does not mean that it is not harmful. Learn to pick apart the message. Learn to see how something has been rephrased. Learn to identify a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Finally, learn how to say that you were wrong or that you hurt others. None of us are perfect, and it does no good to pretend like we've never been in the wrong. Life is a constant journey of bettering yourself. It's healthy to look back on a younger you and be embarrassed about some of the things you've said or done. It means you've grown! Acknowledge, educate yourself, and do better. Be vigilant.

#i made this cause i had to unfollow someone cause they were really starting to sound like a terf #but activly hated terfs #which really didnt make sense cayse from my perspective they were just rebranding some of their talking points #but they couldn't see it #i dont think theyre a bad person tbh i think theyve just gotten lied to and caught up in trying to be good

169 notes · View notes

thefeistydragon · 2 years

Text

Finally figured out how to delete comments (had to unblock assholes first, then delete, then reblock), so maybe just maybe the harassment will actually stop.

Funny how people will crow about preventing harm to other people or not being a bigot while actively harassing people in ways specifically targeting autistic people. Real fun.

Also funny (read: hypocritical) how people will go on about "listen to the experiences of x marginalized group" while actively throwing another group under the bus.

Somehow, they can see it isn't okay to throw trans mascs under the bus to get a point across (true) but think it's totally fine to let disabled people be collateral to a point. And when someone points out "Hey don't further ableism to get your point across" it's "I can't be ableist I have X condition."

They'll say that unironically while recognizing not every trans person has the same experiences. And not every POC or Jewish person or woman or any other marginalized group, even if they come from practically the same background, is going to have the same experiences. And that internalized bigotry is a thing.....except for ableism I guess?

Which is especially wild considering how varied the conditions that all fall under "disability" are. You literally, as a human, cannot know the entirety of how every disability out there works. It's mentally impossible.

What worries me is that someone who is supposedly a disability advocate irl unironically thinks they can determine what other people are triggered by, and that triggers are exactly 1 to 1 to trauma. Rather than a complicated brain response to trauma that sometimes don't make any sense.

Like literally unironically think that reading the first hand account of a survivor of trauma can't trigger someone with similar trauma if they didn't go through the exact same situation.

And that other conditions can't be triggered by things the person hasn't experienced 1 to 1. Like, tell that to people with ocd or psychosis and you're not going to come off as a disability advocate. You're going to come across as an ableist conservative who thinks their condition is fake.

That's not how any of that works, and with a view like that they're going to hurt people.

I've already been getting harassed about this for weeks by people who unironically will say they're preventing harm.

That kind of thinking is along the lines of the bs "You should be triggered" stuff that's going around. Which, say you don't actually understand mental health issues without saying you don't understand mental health issues.

Having a condition doesn't mean you're immune to holding incorrect views about it. Hell, there are people with diagnosed depression who go around telling other people to just smile all the time and it'll "fix them", and that they just need to "be more positive" (one of my friends' aunts for example).

That doesn't make the person right, doesn't make them immune to internalized ableism. And definitely doesn't make them immune to ableism against or an expert on any condition they don't even have.

Also someone bringing up something they personally went through and the resulting effect of trauma, and essentially telling them "Well I went through that and am not triggered by it so obviously people aren't triggered by that" is...such a cold take.

I went through the exact same trauma as someone close to me. As in we're survivors of the same traumatic incident. And we both have different triggers and have recovered differently.

Everyone is different, and all you're doing is echoing ableist conservative rhetoric when you accuse people of faking.

(For context, apparently people wanting warnings for a particular piece of media that contains graphic human rights abuses, as well as interpersonal emotional abuse, boundary violation, extreme unsanitary conditions, brutal death, suicidal ideation, and multiple cases of actual suicide, are being bigoted.

Because they "should" be triggered, because the things that happened that are being talked about are horrible.

Which. No. The topic is unpleasant. Uncomfortable. Not good. It's normal to feel uncomfortable or angry or horrified or to despair at the cruelty of humanity.

But being triggered isn't any of that. And it doesn't help people to learn to be thrown into a mental health crisis. It especially doesn't help to have their experiences with that denied afterwards and to be told they're a terrible person for it, or that they "should" have gone through that.

Either people are fundamentally misunderstanding what being triggered is for mental health conditions, and are aiding actual bigots in appropriating the term, or they're so unbelievably exceedingly cruel to disabled people I don't know where to begin.)

Fun thing, you don't exactly learn history properly if you're disocciating, panicking, or otherwise mentally having a crisis or checking out.

And backing up conservative "Those snowflakes and their trigger warnings" rhetoric because conservatives have decided to co-opt the need for them to "justify" banning media? Is ableism. It's throwing disabled people under the bus and calling people bigoted for just having mental health issues and trying to manage them, rather than addressing any of the issues around censorship or people avoiding responsibility for learning about history.

Tldr, I'm tired of getting harassed by people who think someone with contamination based ocd scrubbing their skin to bleeding for days after reading something is lying about it. Or who think the previously mentioned person should have to go through that because the topic being covered was about atrocities.

Oh yeah and that people with PTSD own the word trigger, and that it always manifests exactly like theirs. Pretty tired of that too.

#feisty vent #internalized ableism is a thing and someone asking not to be thrown under the bus in a conversation is not them being a bigot #but apparently people object enough to that to harass people #this is the last I'm going to pist shout this because it's not worth the energy #and honestly I've noticed being open about harassment just tends to bring more #what bothers me here is the hypocrisy #like these are the same people who recognize it's not okay when transmascs get thrown under the bus to talk about other trans issues #but can't see how that applies to other groups #long vent post

3 notes · View notes

thebibliosphere · 4 years

Note

I don't want to stress you out so feel free to just delete my message if this is a topic you're avoiding! I was wondering how you're handling all the panic around coronavirus. I'm immunocompramised and even 'the common cold' will knock me on my ass for weeks and the only reassurance I'm hearing is that it doesn't kill healthy people. I'm trying to reassure myself that people are more likely to wash their hands& the like during the outbreak, but I was hoping you might share some thoughts?

Immunocompromised solidarity fist bump. I too am only just now getting back on my feet after the cold I caught two weeks ago, and I do mean back on my feet in a very literal sense. That shit knocked me six ways from Sunday and now suddenly people are telling me it’s March. Amazing.

That said, when it comes to coronavirus, I’m treating it like every flu season. Which is to say, the usual annual fear and preparedness that comes from being immunocompromised and surrounded by privileged, healthy people who don’t seem to understand the importance of handwashing and covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze all of the time, not just when we’re facing a possible global pandemic.

What I am having to factor in now, however, is other people’s panic, and the fact that healthy and able-bodied people are buying up medical supplies that disabled and chronically ill people need to use, sometimes on a daily basis, despite the fact that things like paper face masks really won’t protect them from something like the COVID-19 virus, not least of all because they don’t know how to use them, and don’t know how to take them on and off without the risk of contamination. Same with vogmaks. Vogmasks should never be used to prevent the spread of illness, firstly because their filter doesn’t work that way (it’s not small or well fitted enough) and secondly because as a reusable mask, it’s a high risk of contamination every time you put it on, especially given that vogmask comes with a fitted filter, and washing the mask renders the filter into mulch. So using a vogmask in a contagion type situation is highly not recommended, and if one has to be used, it should be discarded immediately afterward. This hasn’t stopped people from panic buying them in droves, however, and as of March 2nd 2020 the official store is still out of stock, meaning that people like myself who need them to go outside due to pollen and air pollutant risks aren’t able to get our hands on them. Heck, we can’t even get our hands on regular paper masks, and the ones that are available are selling on Amazon for $200 a pop and are not properly made and are not certified medical grade. Fuck, even my SIL’s hospital where she works is running out of masks, all because people are panic buying.

Which sure was the long way round of me saying, I’m more pissed than worried.

Oh sure I’m worried, but no more so than I am for usual cold and flu season because every year is a potential risk to my health and longevity of life. And while I think some worry is healthy and entirely understandable, I also think it’s important not to let it escalate to full-blown “gargling with bleach” panic, which yes, is apparently a thing people are asking google if you should do. Cause, y’know, can’t catch coronavirus if you’re dead...

Being alert and aware is good, being prepared is good, and sure, it’s probably a good idea to make sure you’ve got some extra meals in the freezer and an extra package of two of toilet paper in the house just in case all of humanity grinds to a halt for a few weeks. (also stock up on any meds you might need) But I’m also not lying awake at night worried about it. I’m far too busy lying awake at night worried about my own body and the things it’s capable of all on its own. So yeah, am I more at risk from something like COVID-19? Yes. Am I worried about it? Yes. Do I find it completely callous, ableist and utterly monstrous to hear able-bodied and healthy people saying things like “don’t worry, it’s only going to kill the weak”, abso-fucking-lutely. I’m legit one more comment like that away from drowning a motherfucker.

But I’m also trying very hard not to let panic and fear rule my life. Which is basically how I’ve been living for the last 5 years anyway if I’m honest. It’s so very, very easy at the moment to look around and be consumed by terror, and if I’m honest, it happens to me at least ten times a day before I’m able to reel it back in and do what I can about it. Which in this instance, is taking care of myself, and taking a few extra precautions here and there to avoid potential sickness.

So yeah, I don’t know if any of this is reassuring, cause honestly, I’m not sure how to reassure myself sometimes. But I also acknowledge that anxiety and stress take a toll on my immune system, and I need to do what I can to stay calm and not weaken an already fragile vessel any further. So I’m taking my meds, I’m practicing good hygiene habits, I’m avoiding people where possible, and generally just trying to live my life as safely and as best I can in a world where people cite the death of people like me as an acceptable statistic provided they make it out all right. Sad, pissed, and resolved to outlive every one of the motherfuckers if it’s the last thing I do.

Take care of yourself. I know you will, but take extra care of yourself. Be kinder than usual, allow yourself to rest more, stock up on your meds if you can, get some extra food in the freezer so you don’t have to expend energy going grocery shopping. And toilet paper. Trust me, you never want to run out of toilet paper while in self-imposed quarantine.

#petaluhsims #chronic health tag #I hope some of this makes sense #I have a lot of complicated thoughts on the matter #and most of them are me trying to curtail the white noise of panic

649 notes · View notes