#Yes! I've lost my mind muddling around in them! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strigital · 6 months

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hey there, handsome beans. how are y'all?

bet y'all were wondering where tf Meg's gone again. to make long and complicated story short: a few physical illnesses followed by a severe mental crysis followed by more sickness followed by more mental problems. there was, among other things, an autistic breakdown which as we know doesn't go away easily. i will be severely honest with you guys. i do not know how i am still alive, given how horribly suicidal some of these days are. i suppose having pets does make a difference - no matter how selfish the suicidal ideation is it never manages to overpower the motherly need to love and protect these small creatures that so wholly depend on you not just for food, water and shelter, but for companionship as well… Belle, despite having only been out of shelter for like three moths, has been working her little butt off trying her damnest to convince me that i am needed: from following me everywhere like a shadow to crying like a child whenever there's a closed door between us… anyways, what was i talking about? ah yes… the horrific state both my mind a body ended up in. i honestly have no idea where this all came from. it was like one day it was sunny and calm and the next morning i woke up in the aftermath of a severe hurricane, ruin and corpses all around me. perhaps it was all brewing for a long time and i simply failed to notice the telltale signs. after all, there's no smoke without fire. there must've been a trigger. a final drop, a straw that broke the camel's back. sometimes it felt like a horror film, full of terrible thoughts and feelings that paralise you in a fetal position in the corner of your bed and keep you there hostage for days on end. some other days there would be flashes of unexplainable happiness that lasted barely a few hours and left you feeling panicked. most days there would be this prevailing feeling of numbness that wouldn't allow you to eat, let alone take care of daily chores. i've been having severe nightmares. i've plunged my body into a state of starvation. i've turned my home into a horror house of dirt and clutter. i'm failing behind in college and my boss at work is extremely unhappy with my productivity. i've lost ability to feel time: days muddle together, all i ever feel is a desire to sleep all the fucking time.

worst of all is that i cut contact with my closest people, among them - my dearly beloved husband, who still fights cancer on the other side of the planet, wondering where his useless wife gone. i've decided that it would be better for all of them, especially my hubby, to not see me in this condition. that the best i can do for them is to remove myself from their already busy lives and free them from any heartache i may cause, me being out of my mind and all. i did, however, used the very last of my strenght to reach out, to try and call for help… the suicide prevention line was a fucking joke that left me even more desperate than i was before i contacted them. i did, however, join a local autistic group on facebook and lurked there quietly, absorbing their experiences and sifting through for any sliver of hope. and i foud it. a doctor, who may just be the only specialist on adult autism in this entire country. getting an appointment with her was a small war in of itself. and she will cost me a lot of money… but as of right now i feel like she is the only person who can pull me off of the edge, before i tumble over and plummet into the abbyss. 29th of november i will sit my ass on a train and ride to another city to meet her. i pray to whatever will listen that she will take me seriously because neither my current psychiatrist nor my psychologist do. anyone i tried talking to these past two months on the matter of my crisis never offered me any help, only useless advice like "you should talk to a priest" or "have you tried reading a self-help book?". i'm drowning over here, karen, a priest and a book will only be of use during my funeral… the meds have become useless, even when i double or triple dosage.

most of all my heart aches for my husband. he tried calling me a few times yet i was too broken and lost in the dark to even have the courage to call back. i know i have no right to scream for help to a person who had been at war with a third stage cancer for almost three long difficult years. but i am teethering on the edge. i feel like that tiny hedghehog from an old soviet cartoon - lost in a thick fog, calling out for someone, anyone, looking for a way out. and the fact that no one understands or tries to understand hurts even more. the only one's who do are those anonymous people on facebook, fighting similar battles to mine. and when i read a letter from an anonymous mom who, like me, reached her breaking point and cut off any contact with her family in preparation for a final act and she only writes on facebook to find someone, anyone, to tell her what she truly needs and wants to hear in order to swerve off of this path of self-destruction i cannot help but feel an odd likeness to hope. i am not alone. but these people, those like me, simply do not exist within an arm's reach… god almighty, i so so hope the doctor will fix me. i am so tired waking up everyday with a desperate desire to die and walking all day with an invisible noose on my neck which only grows tighter every day.

i will go now and try to record a longwinded voice message for my husband… again. i will try my bestest to apologise, to try to explain, to ask for help. but how do you even begin to explain that your life so suddenly, so abruptly and seemingly our of nowhere became an open bleeding rotten sore, that only grows everyday, infecting more and more of your soul? i don't know. i never had this kind of crisis before in my life and, as if by some cruel divine joke, right now i have no family, no friends to turn to, beside my cat and my dog.

i will not ask of you to pray for me nor wish me luck. y'all have your own busy, messy lives. i only ask that you take care of yourself and your loved ones, so nothing like that ever happens to you or them. trust me when i say that no one will believe you, because this wound is invisible. they will tell you to feel grateful for having two arms and two legs and a roof over your head. meanwhile you will slowly rot away until one day they'll gasp: "how did this happen? they were such a happy person, nothing was wrong in their lives!" that's so fucking unfair, but it is the world we live in. and i know that oversharing like this on the internet is an incredibly stupid thing to do, but… i don't know. maybe another person with similar hardships in their life will read this and realise that they are not the black sheep of the human species and that shit like that happens to others too. i know this thought brings some very mild comfort to me, so maybe it will also brings some to them.

so stay strong, my beans. god knows i'm trying to. love you all and, hopefully, see you in the near future again with memes and stuff,

-- Meg K.

#personal #update #autism

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padawanlost · 3 years

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Something I've noticed recently over the past few months is this trend where people have been diagnosing Anakin with narcissistic personality disorder instead of C-PTSD or BPD, the more commonly seen diagnoses. I personally disagree, but I wanted to hear your "two sense" on the matter if you will, you're one of the best meta-writers on this site.

It’s because people don’t like Anakin as presented on screen. They want Anakin to be as selfish and arrogant as possible so they can blame him from everything that happened. If it’s ALL about Anakin than everyone else can be left off the hook.

Anakin ‘I don’t want to be a problem’ Skywalker is clearly narcissistic. I mean, he fits all the signs:

Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration

“Ten years in this place, and still he was an object of interest. Of speculation. All their hopes and dreams hanging on him like decorations on a bantha skeleton at Boonta Eve. He hated it.” [Clone Wars: Wild space, Karen Miller]

Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance

“You would forgo your destiny for Padmé?” Anakin’s brows beetled in anger. “I never claimed to be the Chosen One. That was Qui-Gon. Even the Council doesn’t believe it anymore, so why should you?” [ James Luceno. Labyrinth of Evil]

Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it

Anakin bumped his hand against [Obi-wan]. “Wait. Just—wait.” Embarrassed, he took a deep breath. “Look. Don’t take this the wrong way. It’s just—it’s the mission, right? That’s what matters. So—” “Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s whisper sounded amused. “It’s fine. I was about to suggest it myself when the droids turned up.” “You were?” “Play to your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. That’s how a battle is won. That’s how we’ll win the war.” Anakin had to smile. I should’ve known he wouldn’t take it personally. “Yeah. So—once I’m up and over and nobody raises the alarm, give me a five-count then follow. I’ll give you the best Force boost I can. Not that you’ll need much. Your leap was only a meter and a half behind Master Windu’s. Remember?” Obi-Wan gave a breathy chuckle. “I remember I had nosebleeds for a week afterward. Don’t ever feel bad for being extraordinary, Anakin. Now off you go. We don’t have all night.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Take advantage of others to get what they want

“He thought of how unflinchingly loyal Anakin was to anyone he considered a friend.” [Matthew Stover’s Revenge of the Sith]

Exaggerate achievements and talents

He was the Chosen One, they told him. He was supposed to bring balance to the Force. Anakin thought that some little extra support might go with being the Chosen One, a helping hand or at least some understanding from the Jedi Council, but instead he was passed around like an unwelcome burden, ending up with Qui-Gon Jinn and then Kenobi because nobody else would have him. His chosen status meant less than nothing; it felt more like a stigma. And they wondered why he was difficult at times. Maybe they didn’t want balance, whatever that was. Maybe nobody liked a Jedi who was that different. He felt like an embarrassment to them. I do everything you ask of me. I try so hard. When is it going to be enough? When are you going to say, “Okay, Anakin Skywalker, you’re good enough”? Karen Traviss’s The Clone Wars

Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

Impatience. Concern. Relief. Loneliness. Weariness. And grief, not yet healed. Such a muddle of emotions. Such a weight on [Anakin]’s shoulders. Months of brutal battle had left [Ahsoka] drained and nearly numb, but it was worse for Anakin. He was a Jedi general with countless lives entrusted to his care, and every life damaged or lost he counted as a personal failure. For other people he found forgiveness; for himself there was none. For himself there was only anger at not meeting his own exacting standards. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people

It’s not just Skywalker’s rank that makes us give him one hundred percent. It’s because he treats us with respect, and he puts himself on the line with us.” [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior

Having worked their way around the village, finding nothing to wake their uneasily sleeping sense of alarm, Obi-Wan and Anakin returned to the beaten-dirt square and the charter house. Its doors were open now and a woman who had to be Teeba Brandeh stood on the broad step, hands on her narrow hips, watching the children scatter across the square to play a proper game of kickball. Grinning, without bothering to ask if he might, or if it were wise, or if they had the time to spare, so independent these days, Anakin jogged to join them. After a moment’s amazed hesitation the children welcomed him with squeals of delight, rough-and-tumbled him into their midst and made him one of their own. Obi-Wan shook his head. “He’s nice,” said the girl with the bracelet and the ragged hair, wandering over to stand beside him. “Don’t be cross with him, Teeb Yavid.” Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege

“Oh, no,” said Anakin, grinning. “It was fun too.” May the Force give me strength. “And that business with the boy? Because when I said no heavy lifting I—” Anakin’s amusement vanished. “He wasn’t heavy. These younglings are skin and bone. I look at them and—” He clenched his jaw. ”Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege

Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations

[Anakin] did not like the fact that he had won. It seemed wrong that he had stepped so far out of line, and yet had been retained as a Padawan. He did not like the unease this victory, if victory it was, produced in him. Above all weaknesses, arrogance was the most costly. They keep me here because I have potential they’ve never seen before. They keep me in training because they’re curious to see what I can do. I feel like a rich man who never knows whether his friends are true-or whether they just want his money. This was a particularly galling thought, and certainly neither true nor fair. Why do they put up with me, then? Why do I keep testing them? [Greg Bear’s Rogue Planet]

Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others

“I’m sorry. I’m not normally this stupid. I just—” And then she felt her face crumple and heard herself sob. Her knees buckled and she began to sink toward the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she choked. “Don’t mind me. I’m fine.” [Anakin] caught her before she tumbled completely. Lifted her without effort and carried her to the sofa. Boneless and unprotesting, she let him. Let her face turn to his roughly shirted, dirty chest and howled her rage and shame against him. Dimly, she felt his hand warm and comforting on her back and heard his soft voice saying, over and over, “It’s all right. It’s all right. You’re safe now. It’s all right.” The crazy thing was that she did feel safe. For the first time since those Separatist blaster bolts seared the air and sand of Niriktavi Bay, since she saw her friends and colleagues slaughtered, she felt safe. Then, abruptly, she felt mortified. What was she doing? Weeping like a child all over a man young enough to be her son? Where was her pride? She shifted away from him, unable to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry.” “Don’t apologize,” he said gently. “You’ve got a right to be upset. Now, where’s that medkit?”Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth

Be envious of others and believe others envy them

The Jedi Council didn’t want me, either. Being the Chosen One didn’t count for anything. Master Yoda wouldn’t train me, or Windu. Every member of the Jedi Council had had something more pressing to do than help him work out what this terrible, galaxy-changing power of his meant, and how he should live in its shadow. He still wasn’t sure. Anakin recalled standing there in that grand, polished Jedi Council Chamber, surrounded by what felt like fear, and disdain, and bewilderment—who were those Masters to feel bewildered, that the only person there who cared if he lived or died was Master Qui-Gon Jinn. [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]

[Anakin] had worried that Obi-Wan did not have room for him in his heart. But Shmi’s smile rose in Anakin’s mind. Hearts have infinite room, my son. JUDE WATSON’S THE TRAIL OF THE JEDI

Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious

The fear and dread in her face eased, just a little. “You’re a very sweet young man, Anakin Skywalker.” [Karen Miller’s Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

[Anakin] humbles me, sometimes. He makes me feel small. He can’t see a broken thing without wanting to fix it. [Karen Miller’s Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

“I don’t know,” she said, floundering. “I can’t say I’ve ever given the Jedi much thought. I mean, not as individuals. I never expected to meet one—let alone two. I don’t tend to go places where your skills are needed. But—well—you’re gentle.” [Karen Miller’s Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

“I’m not giving him to you,” [Anakin]’d told her. “He’s not even really mine to give; when I built him, I was a slave, and everything I did belonged to Watto. Cliegg Lars bought him along with my mother; Owen gave him back to me, but I’m a Jedi. I have renounced possessions. I guess that means he’s free now. What I’m really doing is asking you to look after him for me.” “Look after him?” “Yes. Maybe even give him a job. He’s a little fussy,” he’d admitted, “and maybe I shouldn’t have given him quite so much self-consciousness—he’s a worrier—but he’s very smart, and he might be a real help to a big-time diplomat … like, say, a Senator from Naboo?”Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith

#ask #anon #sw meta #meta: anakin #meta: fandom #txt

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kyotarou · 3 years

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text me now - part 8

previous | masterlist

title: end of the line; the start of something new

warnings: fluff, angst, cheesiness, mild swearing, making out

word count: 1.1k+

special notes at the end (be warned it’s pretty long)

It felt like the whole world was on your shoulders, pushing you deeper underwater. You couldn't breathe despite the crisp air, your lungs aching with every breath. What would be comforting silence was unbearable, especially when Tendou's eyes refused to meet yours, a hint of a scowl hiding beneath his forced neutral expression. It was a bad idea to invite him out, but he did agree to this. You sat on the soft grass of a park near school, watching the shiny blue ripples of the pond rock back and forth. Spring was supposed to be a time of clarity, but your mind was more muddled than ever. The sweet scent of fresh blossoms made your head spin and your stomach churn. More than anything, your heart felt heavier with each passing second. You were unaware Tendou shared the same weight as well.

With you beside him, he was at a loss for words. He was stuck in a cave of his unspoken thoughts, unable to see the light. He wasn't sure where to start or if he had the courage to speak. He pondered on Semi's words, cursing him for clouding him in that air of mystery. He glanced at you, chest growing tighter upon seeing your pained face. Could he fix things?

Tendou took a deep breath.

He turned to you and all his thoughts slipped away. The words weighing on his tongue disappeared, leaving him with a blank slate and a frozen mind. You looked perfect like this, the slight flutter of your lashes as the wind kissed your cheeks, your fingers entwined in your lap—how he wished it was his lips on your skin and his hands tangled in yours. His cheeks grew hot in adoration and shame. He couldn’t believe he nearly let you go.

"(Y/N)..." Tendou immediately bit his tongue. He hadn’t mean to say that.

You turned toward him with a pained smile. "Yes, Satori?"

He could've melted right then and there. His name sounded so sweet on your tongue, so soft and fragile. You treated it with delicacy, a treasure to cherish. He wondered if you'd ever say it like that again.

He looked away. "I... I'm sorry."

"For avoiding me."

It wasn't a question, but rather a statement you both knew the answer to. Tendou was sorry for that, and he was sorry for himself for being blinded by his jealousy and rage. He hurt you and you still stuck with him. He was still hurting you now, refusing to give you any hint of the storm brewing within, all his feelings encapsulated in his fragile body, forcing their way out.

"How do you put up with me?" Tendou crushed a handful of grass. “I’m a piece of shit.”

Your eyes widened, brows furrowed in shock. "You’re kidding, right?"

Tendou let out a harsh scoff and shook his head. Of course he wasn’t. He’d rather you push him away, scream at him to leave, than have you toy with his heart. He wasn’t cut out for love, but he was than willing to try for you—no, with you. The question was, did you want that?

Of course you did, but he was oblivious.

Tendou gulped. "I've been terrible to you, (Y/N)."

"You're far from that."

"(Y/N)-"

"Satori." He jumped when your hand landed on top of his, gentle but firm. Despite your warm smile, he saw how frustrated you were. "Stop saying all those things about yourself. You’re a hell of a lot better than I am.”

His lips parted in shock, throat becoming tight while your grip loosened. You looked up to him—it made his chest swell with pride, but he also felt worse. You left him open to your next attack. You stretched him thin, made him soft, cradled his heart in your hands. You had the power to change him, to either create or destroy something great. Tendou had no means to defend himself. What could he do now besides listen?

You made him vulnerable. You made him happy. You made him feel loved.

The storm inside him was beginning to creep through, the first sign being his thumb wiping the stray eyelash on your cheek. You saw everything—the regret and agony swirling behind his eyes, the slight quiver of his lip. For the first time, Tendou would no longer try to block anything or anyone; he'd bare all his feelings for you.

You let out a shaky breath. Your body had gravitated towards his, shoulders pressed against each other. He sensed the hesitation and fear behind your next words. "You're my first love, Satori. I want you to be my only love."

Tendou lost himself in your gaze, drowning in the endless adoration. Your noses were almost touching now, and he could feel your breath on his cheek. His line of sight flitted to your parted lips. He found himself leaning towards you until his skin was on yours. You kissed him, a wordless conversation shared between two pairs of entwined lips. Tendou didn't need them; his body did all the talking. Your hands snaked into his hair, his gently gripping your wrists. Your kisses were intoxicating, slow and passionate, and leaving him to ache for more. It was ten times sweeter than the accidental kiss now that he knew where your heart lay.

The storm had finally escaped, but rather than a violent downpour, it was a ray of warm clarity and sunny skies. Your bodies felt lighter ten times than before, the tension on your shoulders lifted. You fit so well in his arms as did he, like the final piece in a complex puzzle. His movements continued to grow bolder until you lightly pushed him away with a grin, forehead resting against his.

A heavy fog clouded his mind, but one thing was clear; he could do this for the rest of his life. He was speechless but satisfied, a grin tugging at his tingling lips. Tendou already craved the feeling of yours on his, and he longed for when he could do it again, though he knew it would be soon. The four words that followed after solidified the warmth that spread within, a sense of content and harmony in his previously nerve-wracking day.

“I love you, Satori.”

His arms wrapped around your waist to pull you against his chest. He didn’t mind if you could feel his thumping heart. If anything, he wanted you to—only you could make him feel this way. Tendou was glad his guesses had been wrong for once. Your heart belonged to him, and his to you.

He kept his nose pressed against your cheek, smiling. The tips of your ears grew hot when he placed a featherlight kiss on your jaw, all ounces of shame and uncertainty washed away.

"I love you, too, (Y/N)."

“So-” You murmured against his temple, fingers slotted between his. “Turn this into a real date?”

He grinned. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

a/n: okay...where do i begin? i started this smau back in january after i reblogged a fic title game and an anon sent in “text me now with a member of shiratorizwa.” i chose tendou and thought it was a cute idea. i even said that it’d be a great smau but had no intention of doing anything with the idea, until @theuntamedmulti reblogged and said she wanted this potential smau to exist—and out came this series.

tbh i was really excited but also hesitant. the last series i tried to make when i first started my blog ended up being deleted and discontinued. i’m really bad at completing series in general, so to have this one be a success is a huge accomplishment for me.

i remember finishing all of the smau parts within a span of 2-3 days (which is why some of the timestamps are set in january lol).

as cliche as this sounds, this series has a very special place in my heart. i am very thankful that so many of you enjoy this smau, even if it’s quite short compared to several others. thank you so much for your support. thank you to the anon who sent in that ask, this couldn’t have started without you. thank you to vivian, aka @theuntamedmulti for giving me that little push to start this.

i love you all <3

taglist (closed): @zozodreamy @theuntamedmulti @tsukkim0on @elianetsantana @dekustowel @aideen00 @justfandomlover @rogueofbullshit @giogama08 @squiddlie @captaincyberqueen @kutozume @nachotrash @ems1des @ish-scribbles @salty-satan @darkmbti @rintarosslut @zbops @dumbb1tc4 @candyyrushh @ro-ro-noa @aghasetzen @fi-chanwrites @tobiosaphrodite @panflowerlii @shinah-satoru @lucacangettathisass @maneazuasahi @bokutosbabyowll @fantasycantasy

series completed.

#text me now!#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #tendou satori #tendou satori x reader #tendou satori smau #tendou satori x you #tendou satori x y/n #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x you #satori tendou #satori tendou x reader #satori tendou smau #tendou satori fanfic #tendou x reader

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merinnan · 2 years

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Hi! I'm very new to the DMBJ fandom and completely lost about what to watch or read first. I've watched about 9 episodes of Reunion, fell in love with the characters and started reading fic. I've read the first novel and watched a couple episodes of LT1. But I see complaints about some of the shows and don't know whether to keep watching chronologically or skip around for the best Iron Triangle content. And should I plan to read all the books? Any thoughts or suggestions? Thank you!

Hi， and welcome!

DMBJ can seem a bit daunting and confusing at first just because there's so much of it, it jumps all over the place, and all the canons are muddled together.

On the other hand, part of what makes DMBJ so delightful is that there's so much of it, it jumps all over the place, and all the canons are muddled toghether.

It basically means that you really can just jump in wherever, and watch/read in whatever you like, and you will get the important stuff (and find your favourite details). And then when you go back and reread/rewatch stuff after you've read/watched more, you will pick up on a whole heap of new things you hadn't before.

I would absolutely recommend reading all the books (and unless you can read Chinese, I am so sorry that the terrible official English translations are all we've got for the first half of the main series, but it is worth it to get the story, and once you get to the fan translations those are MUCH better, I promise).

Whether you want to read them before watching the shows, after watching the shows, or in between watching them is up to you. You will get a lot of details in the books that you won't in the shows - and there are also some fantastic books and extras that haven't yet been adapted into show format (Zang Hai Hua and Southern Archives immediately jump to mind). You can definitely jump around with reading the books, too - I read Sha Hai and Zang Hai Hua before I finished reading the main series, and didn't have any problems keeping up with what was going on (although it helped that I knew how the main series ended before I read them).

Like with all TV adaptations of books, the dramas have made quite a few plot changes, so it's definitely worth both reading the books and watching the shows.

The dramas, ah... The dramas are definitely not all created equal. Some of them are significantly better than others, but they're all a lot of fun to watch. (I'm told that even 2.5 has some redeeming features, although that one I have yet to watch for myself due to a lack of time and some of the less than great things I've heard about it). Everyone has their favourite drama, and opinions on most of them vary wildly from person to person in the fandom - what can be one person's favourite one is one that someone else absolutely hates. So, yes, you'll hear complaints about all of the shows, to be honest, because every show has some part of the fandom that dislikes it. Some of these complaints are objectively valid (the longer shows absolutely suffer from some annoying and boring filler in order to pad out the runtime, for instance, and DMBJ as a whole has a problem with fridging female characters), while a lot of them are pretty subjective and come down to the person's personal likes and dislikes.

I like all the shows that I've seen, although I definitely have my favourites, and all of them have both their good points and their bad points. Even with my favourite (Reunion) there were parts of it that I just straight up don't like and will fast forward through on rewatches (and yet I know people who love those self-same parts, but who will fast-forward through parts that I really liked). Which is really just a long-winded way of saying that you're not going to know which of the shows you like better than others (and which parts of those shows you do or don't like) without watching them for yourself.

As for what order to watch the shows in, that entirely comes down to personal preference: do you WANT to watch them chronologically, or do you want to watch the best Iron Triangle stuff first and come back to check out the other shows later? Both of these are completely valid choices and neither is more confusing than the other. You can always change your mind if you start watching one way and decide that that isn't working for you, and switch to the other way.

If you want to go for best Iron Triangle content first, I would suggest either finishing off Reunion, then going back to watch Ultimate Note and Tomb of the Sea (there's a lot less Iron Triangle and pingxie content in it compared to the others, but what's there is really amazing), and then watching TLT1, TLT2, and the donghua, or watching Ultimate Note, then finishing off Reunion, then Tomb of the Sea, TLT1, TLT2, and the donghua. Then 2.5 to finish off the main story shows.

If you want to watch chronologically, it's TLT1, TLT2, TLT2.5, donghua (although the donghua could go before 2.5 or even before 2, since it covers one of the books that 2 covers), Ultimate Note, Tomb of the Sea, Reunion.

As I said above, though, if you want to skip around, there isn't a problem with doing that. If you get partway through one of them and really don't want to keep watching it, you can skip on to the next show without a problem, you'll easily pick up all the important stuff anyway (especially once you start Ultimate Note, which has a 'previously on' type recap at the start of the first episode to quickly bring you up to speed on the major plot points that take place before it).

The Mystic Nine (the Republican-era prequel) you can really watch whenever/wherever you want, since about the only impact it has on the other shows is that it's the show that introduces Zhang Rishan (who later appears in Sha Hai and Ultimate Note), and there's a few references to it here and there in later shows.

Time Raiders, the 2016 movie, is completely standalone to everything. It's best described as a steampunk-ish AU of DMBJ. It's absolutely hilarious and I love it, but it really has nothing to do with the main canon.

There's also several spin-off movies and short series for Tomb of the Sea and Reunion, but I'd really advise that you watch the shows first. The spin-offs have nothing to do with the main plot, and the characters in them really won't mean anything to you without having watched the shows, since they feature side characters from those shows.

Have you found any of the DMBJ Discords yet? There's a few of us around. If you haven't and would like to join, let me know and I'll shoot you some invite links!

Hope some of this helps, and enjoy watching/reading/falling into these pits with us!

#beantrees #dmbj #daomu biji #the lost tomb

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veliseraptor · 5 years

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Your fanfic my body's made of shell is amazing and I've read it so many times it's not funny. I was wondering if you'd ever consider doing a version from Thor's POV? I'd love to know what was going through his mind while finding out that Loki is still alive.

hey here have a completely unedited mess!!!

better to love than to have and to hold, companion to this fic, thor pov, 3.4k because I am incapable of self control

Thanos was gone.

And with him, half the universe.

In Wakanda, Thor folded to the ground as the last thing that had been holding him up was ripped away, and he was left only with the crushing weight of his losses.

None of them really knew what to do.

There was the general feeling that they ought to do something, but what that could be - it was too big, Thor thought. Too much. They hadn't stopped Thanos. They didn't know where he was, to avenge the lives he'd stolen. They were frozen. They were drowning.

Three days after Thanos had achieved his goal and cracked the world in two, and Thor sat at the top of Warrior Falls, staring at nothing and wondering, a little, why he had bothered to rise this morning at all.

The kimoyo beads on his wrist - a gift Thor had done nothing to deserve - lit up with a message. It was the newly crowned queen; so young, and already carrying so much grief, Thor thought unhappily.

"Yes," he said, to indicate he was listening.

"Thor," Shuri said, and in that one word Thor heard her tension and unease and was immediately on alert. "Come to my lab. Right away."

"What," Thor started to ask, but she had already closed the connection, looking over her shoulder at something behind her. Thor didn't really need more information than that, though. He didn't know the princess well, but she wouldn't react like this, or contact him so urgently, for a trifle. Which meant that there was trouble. A part of Thor wondered wearily how much more trouble there could be, but he knew that the truth was 'always more.' If his life of late had shown him anything, it was that.

He made his way back down from the mountains toward Birnin Zana (empty, so empty, and too quiet) and from there to Shuri's lab. He'd been there before, in the early aftermath, when they'd been trying desperately to perform triage on a universe that was bleeding out. He'd been there since. He and the young princess had both lost a brother. And she now knew the burden of ruling a decimated people. Thor only wished there was more solace he could offer her.

The door in didn't open automatically at his approach. Thor paused, and he could hear raised voices inside - Okoye, it sounded like, her voice sharp, dangerous, attacked, don't know. He tapped lightly and it fell silent.

A moment later the door opened and Shuri looked up at him, her expression somber. Thor tensed. "What is it," he asked, and she opened her mouth, then closed it and stepped back.

"He just - appeared," she said lowly. "Inside our borders. The Dora Milaje found him, and when they told me...I thought maybe..."

Thor heard himself make a sound - a low moan, wounded-animal sound. It was Loki, lying there, his body still and limp as the last time Thor had seen him, held him, cheek pressed to his unmoving chest. His eyes were closed now rather than open and staring, which seemed like a mercy, at least, but Thor still wavered, his stomach lurching into his throat. At least, a part of him thought, at least his body hadn't been torn apart in space, he deserved, at least, the honor of a proper burning.

"Thor," Shuri said, some urgency in her voice, "he's not dead."

Thor's head whipped around. "What?" He said. Shuri gestured and Thor looked back at Loki, taking in the details he'd missed at first. The fact that he was limp rather than stiff as a corpse gone cold, and as he drew closer, scarcely daring to believe, the very slight rise and fall of his chest. Thor's inhale hurt and came out as a helpless sob, and he could not even feel ashamed.

"He was conscious for a while after the Dora Milaje found him," Shuri said. "Lashed out at them - they're not seriously harmed," she added quickly. "I think he did more harm to himself panicking than he did to them. He's been unconscious since." She paused. "His neck..."

The awful, soul-rending crack echoed in Thor's ears. He didn't take his eyes off Loki. Knowing that he lived somehow made the livid bruises ringing his throat all the more hideous; he could see now, though, the force field that cradled his head and neck, keeping both aligned. "I know," Thor said hoarsely. If Loki was alive - he should be healing. Except - maybe there wasn't enough left in him to both survive and mend himself. "Can you...fix it?"

"Yes," Shuri said. "It's...bad, but it could be worse. I'll need to call in a proper doctor, though, and I..." she hesitated. "I'm sorry to ask this, but...is it likely that he will survive? Because if not...there are so many of my people who need help, and I have a duty to them."

Thor's first reaction was rage: how dare you, how dare you place the lives of humans above my brother's, but a moment later he was ashamed. And besides...he laid a trembling hand on Loki's forehead. His skin felt damp with sweat and too warm, but it was the sweat and warmth of the living. "He will," Thor said. "If Loki has come this far..."

All this time, a part of him thought. Days, Loki had been alive, and in pain, and alone. How had he even managed to come here? How much strength had he expended that he couldn't spare?

"May I stay?" He asked.

"Yes," Shuri said at once. "Yes, of course. And I'll...I'll find a doctor with the right experience."

"Thank you," Thor said, hushed. He still could not look away from Loki. He moved his hand to rest against his cheek, careful not to jostle his head.

He couldn't move away. It felt like if he did, if he took even a step back, Loki would be gone.

Thor did make himself move eventually, but only to find a chair for himself so he could sit beside Loki and hold his hand, fingers resting over the pulse in his wrist, slow and weak but there, there, there.

Loki remained still as death until the doctor came to examine him. The moment she touched him to test mobility, his eyes snapped open and he made a horrible snarling sound. His magic lashed out even more violently, sending the doctor skidding across the floor; Loki tried to claw himself upright, but the second his head lifted away from the field that had been supporting him, he screamed and collapsed back down. His breathing was harsh and noisy, whistling in and out of his lungs as he panted.

Thor bent over Loki, his eyes open but unseeing, eyelids fluttering. He looked so afraid, and Thor’s heart ached. "Loki," he said, trying to keep his voice calm. "It's me. It's Thor. Do you hear me? You're safe now." Loki's eyes rolled with unreasoning terror and he shuddered in seizure-like spasms, seemingly unaware that Thor was there at all. Before too long, though, and without responding, he seemed to exhaust himself back into unconsciousness.

The doctor, for her part, picked herself up off the floor and refused to come any closer.

"It isn't his fault," Thor protested, but he couldn't truly blame her. She hadn't been seriously hurt, but she could have been. He bent his head forward, looking down at Loki. Was it his imagination, or did his head look more askew on his neck, that wrongness to the angle more pronounced?

Shuri forced him out, her expression tight. "I'm going to try to make a better brace," she said. "While we figure out what to do." Thor walked outside in a daze, thoughts and feelings a hopelessly tangled muddle.

Loki was alive, he told himself. Right now, that was all that mattered.

"Thor," he heard, and looked up to see Steve jogging toward him. "I heard something had happened--" The fear - the dread - was naked on his face. His friend had aged, in Thor's absence - the burdens he bore grown heavier. Thor supposed that was true for them all. For a moment he considered lying - it was nothing, everything is fine - but...

"It's Loki," he said. The confusion on Steve's face made him add, "he's alive."

"You said..."

"That Thanos killed him? I thought he had. He--" Thor swallowed, and made himself go on. "Strangled him. And broke his neck. I held his body and I was certain--" He'd been certain on Svartalfheim, too. No more resurrections, Thanos had said, and Thor felt a surge of spiteful pleasure: you were wrong. You underestimated him.

"Somehow," Thor managed, at length, "he survived. And made his way here."

"Here," Steve said, glancing past Thor like he thought Loki would appear. It occurred to Thor belatedly that perhaps his friends would not find this such welcome news. That perhaps his friends might resent that Thor had been given this gift, and those they loved were still lost.

"Yes," he said. "Though he is not...he is still wounded."

Steve's face was blank for a long moment before he dropped it into his hands. "God," he said. Thor waited, and Steve looked up, finally. "I'm glad," he said. "I'm glad for you. And if there's, I don't know, anything I can do to help, anything you need...it'd be nice to be able to do something." His lips twisted in a wry smile that didn't move the rest of his face.

Steve's acceptance made Thor sad more than it relieved him. "Thank you," he said. "If there is anything...I'll let you know."

Thor left Loki very seldom over the next days. Shuri designed, as she’d said, a new brace for Loki’s neck that was more solid than the force field and was apparently able to ease some of Loki’s pain. Thor asked twice more for someone who would work on Loki, but after the third failure Shuri put her foot down. "I can't ask people to put themselves in danger when it's not helping," she said flatly.

"Are you giving up, then?" Thor demanded, his temper heating, but she held her ground.

"No," she said. "I'm working on it. Or - having it worked on." She looked, for just a moment, unbearably tired, and then visibly straightened. Too old for her age, Thor thought. "Hopefully we'll have something soon that can make it so we can help him without him attacking us."

Thor glanced unhappily over at Loki. "How soon?"

"I don't know," Shuri said. "I can't just help you. My people need..." Her voice faltered a little, but she caught herself.

"I know," Thor said, shame creeping into his heart. "I know how great a burden you bear. And I am grateful, impossibly grateful, that you are helping me at all. I only ask because--"

Something caught Thor's attention and he paused, frowning, though at first he couldn't have said why. Loki, he thought, and looked toward him, realizing that the rasp of his breathing had changed rhythms

"Loki?" Thor said carefully.

Loki took a rattling breath and jerked, his left hand flying up to the new brace around his throat and clawing at it. Before Thor could reach him, his hand glowed green and the brace simply dissolved under his hands.

Loki's howl of pain cut Thor to the quick. He grabbed Loki's wrists and held them. "Hold still, Loki," he said. "You need to - it's meant to help. You're hurting yourself."

Loki went still all at once, ceasing even to breathe. Thor jerked his head at the Dora Milaje by the door, keeping his gaze on Loki; his eyes were wide open but unfocused. When the fresh brace closed around his neck, he started shaking; Thor thought of Thanos's hand on Loki's throat and his grip on Loki's arms tightened. "It's all right," he made himself say. "Stay calm."

Loki opened his mouth like he was going to speak, but all that came out was a horrible rasp. Thor took a deep, uneven breath. "If I let go," he said, "you have to leave the brace alone."

Loki's eyes seemed to clear a little, his eyebrows pulling together. Thor tried to give him an encouraging smile, though he wasn't sure how well it worked. It didn't seem to soothe Loki, at any rate, his breathing picking up again, rasping in and out. His right arm twitched and Loki's face spasmed, a sound like a whine squeezed out of him.

"It's all right," Thor tried. "I'm here." He couldn't tell if it mattered. Loki didn't really seem to relax. Thor kept his hold on his wrists, wary of the possibility that Loki might try again to remove the brace, as he turned to look at Shuri. A real doctor, she said. Reminding him again that this was temporary. That she could keep Loki stable but not heal him. That if they could not find the means to keep Loki from hurting those trying to help, it was possible he wouldn't recover.

He let go slowly after Shuri left. "Thor," Loki said, his voice almost unrecognizable as his. "You're - alive."

Thor's breath exploded out of him and he almost buckled. "So are you," he said, pressing a hand to Loki's chest where he could feel his heart. "So are you." He wanted to weep, to clutch Loki to his chest and hold him there - but he was all too aware that he was far more likely to hurt than help.

Every word out of Loki's mouth made Thor want to wince. His voice didn't sound like his - hoarse, rasping. An audible reminder of what had happened, and of the pain that Loki was feeling now. But at least he was awake, and coherent. He looked at Thor with a kind of desperate hunger that made Thor ache. Like he was as afraid that Thor might vanish as Thor was that Loki would.

When Loki dropped off again, he hadn't asked about Thanos, or what had happened. In truth, Thor was relieved. That wasn't a conversation he thought either of them was ready to have. Not now. When Loki was well.

You'll be here? Loki had asked, when Thor had asked if he was willing to try again with the doctors. Speaking still sounded like it hurt, and there was something agonizingly raw in his voice and his face, in the way he asked. Scared, young.

Yes, Thor had said. I'll be here. As though his presence had ever been enough. And yet Loki still asked.

Within moments of being given the drug Wakanda’s scientists had crafted, Loki was awake, aware, but unable to so much as clench a fist. Almost immediately his breathing turned quick and ragged: the sound of oncoming panic. Thor put his hands on Loki's shoulders and pressed down lightly. "Easy, brother," he said. "It's all right."

Knowing what it would be, expecting that it would hurt, and hoping that hurt now would mean less later, wasn't the same as watching it happen.

Wakanda's healers were far more advanced than any of the other doctors Thor had seen on Midgard, but they still had to cut into Loki's flesh to reach and set the bones of his spine. No tension tightened Loki's body as flesh parted under the knife, but he made a small pained noise. Thor shushed him, his stomach turning. They had been able to manage this much, but anesthetic and painkillers had been deemed too dangerous to experiment with by the doctors. Which meant this was going to hurt.

"I'm here, Loki," he said, hoping it would help. "I'm right here, it's going to be over soon."

It wasn't. Or at least, it seemed like an eternity. Loki started screaming when they reached bone, a sound that cut Thor through, his every instinct screaming at him to throw the doctors out, to rip them away from Loki and end the pain they were causing him. He held himself back with gritted teeth, bending down to murmur in Loki's ear, desperate attempts at comfort that Loki didn't seem able to hear.

Eventually, enough was enough, and Thor breathed a sigh of relief when Loki cut off, either mind or body apparently unable to take any more.

Thor couldn't actually watch the doing of it. The work of pressing Loki's vertebrae back into line, the intimate reminder of how close Loki had brushed to death. He looked away, though he left his hands on Loki's shoulders until it was done, like his unconscious brother might feel them there.

"He should stay still and resting for a while yet," the head doctor said, looking a little shaken. "And leave the brace on." She hesitated. "Someone will need to remove the stitches--"

"I can," Thor said firmly. "I have experience with it. And you have - too much to see to." She seemed grateful, if Thor wasn't mistaken, and nodded.

Soon he was alone, with Loki still unconscious. Was it Thor's imagination, or did his color look better? Was his breathing coming a little easier? He scarcely dared hope, and yet it crept up on him anyways.

Thor remembered clearly the first time Loki had been seriously injured. They'd been playing Frost Giant and Asgardian, with Thor playing the former and Loki the latter. Roaring ferociously about how he was going to eat Loki when he caught him, Thor pursued Loki with what he hoped was his most fearsome expression, Loki's nimbleness and speed barely keeping him out of Thor's reach. Suddenly, he'd bent his path, bolting for a tree, and climbed it like a squirrel. Thor had started up it after him, scrambling for purchase as Loki climbed higher, laughing.

"You can't catch me!" He'd said, looking back as he reached up, grasping for the next branch up. Thor saw it about to happen and reached himself, like he could catch Loki from below, stop him from falling. (As he had, centuries later, when Loki hung over the void and let go.)

Loki did fall. And landed with a sound like a branch snapping underfoot.

Thor hadn't bothered to climb back down, just jumping to the ground and rushing over to Loki, who was sitting up and staring at his arm bending the wrong way with wide eyes. It seemed to take him several moments to register the pain and started crying.

"It's all right," Thor had said, almost frantically. "Loki, it's all right, come with me, let's just go to the healers and, and they'll fix it. Here, take my hand and squeeze as hard as you want."

Loki had looked at him, gasping between sobs, and said only, "Thor," something plaintive in it, like he thought Thor could make everything better. He couldn't, he knew that even then, knew it looking at Loki's arm that he couldn't fix. But he wanted to, so badly it hurt. Wanted to live up to that look on Loki's face: the belief, the faith, like Thor was his hero.

Here they were now, a long way from then, and looking at Loki lying in repose Thor felt that need again. To make everything better.

Loki still did not know about Thanos's victory. Thor would have to tell him, sooner or later - sooner would be better. But he didn't want to. Didn't want Loki to know how badly he had failed - not just at stopping the Titan, but at avenging Loki, Heimdall, their people. That he'd been within a breath of finishing it, and had not. Had needed the satisfaction of looking in Thanos's eyes as he died, and for that--

For that, this.

What would Loki think of him? Thor told himself it did not matter. That what mattered was Loki's being here. But Loki was all that was left, and Thor did not want to bear his scorn, his anger, his disappointment.

He shoved the dark thoughts away, focusing instead on what was good. Loki, here. The bruises at last fading, his breathing easier, color a little better. Mending. Not well, but mending.

Norns, he was exhausted. Thor couldn't remember the last time he'd slept. Perhaps if he just closed his eyes for a little...

He dreamed of Loki laughing, scrambling up the tree, reaching for a branch that wasn't there. This time, Thor caught him. This time, Loki didn't fall.

#anonymous #tragic siblings #thor is my favorite puppy #loki's a goddamn mess #infinity war fix it #a wild fic appeared #what am i doing? good question

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roxxythebirbrps · 5 years

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Charlie's Birthday Part 4

Charlie: Oh nothing really, I was just thinking back to when I flew over Hogsmeade without permission *chuckles looking down at him smiling at him happily sighing this has got to be one of the best birthdays she ever had*

Damien: *chuckles, wagging his finger accusingly* Charlie! That was dangerous and not to mention completely against the rules set... or so I would say if you were still a student.

Charlie: *laughs a bit* that's right I am not a student~ So there. *nods* though you know what now that I look at it the stars are really clear here we should find a hill and watch the stars. *suggest this thinking that it probably won't happen but would be fun to do no the less*

Damien: *Looks at her confused for a second* Watch the stars? Hmmm, I guess we could. I not sure of any hills around here though. *He never really saw the point of star gazing besides astrology class but Charlie suggested it, and of course he was going to do it, looking around to see if he could find that hill*

Charlie: Yeah you know staring up at the stars? You've never just looked up at them and watched them? *she looks over at him then up at the stars then back at him smiling letting go of his arm and twirls* we don't have to look at the stars Damien it was just a suggestion *laughs*

Damien: Just watched them? No I haven't... *laugh softly trailing behind her as she twirls looking more like the kid he knew... but also as the adult he was starting to see all over again in his muddled mind* It's your suggestion, your birthday- you get to do whatever.

Charlie: I've told you this before I'm sure but I don't care what I do today you've already made this birthday one of the best I've ever had *smiles happily at him walking back to him and takes his arm again*

Damien: *smiles offering his arm willingly this time, shifting the cake slightly under his other arm* I'm sure you've had much better, But I'm glad I could be there for this one. *he resists the urge to ruffle her hair, instead opting to smile at her again and to see the stars reflected in her eyes and his heart did that weird flip that it's been doing all day... So cliche for him to be thinking of, like straight out of a cheesy romance novel... but oddly relaxing and he chuckled a bit looking back to the road* Let's find you that stargazing hill.

Charlie: *smiles happily hugging his arm tightly before leaning her head on his shoulder, being with Damien gave her this warmth in her heart. She had missed this warmth that she had back before she left the school. This whole body warmth that made her feel light as air, she figures its her old feelings for him taking over so she doesn't mind it*

Damien: *he missed her, he really had, he wouldn't show it... he never did. He didn't even show it when she left, when he spend the day after everyone left closed in his office so he wouldn't have to show how drained his face looked to the other faculty of the school on the train. But this was as close as they got when she was in school... maybe once or twice she leaned her head on his shoulder in his office, he offered her comfort that he would show no other person and he liked it, even he felt the twinge of caring that he felt back then and he sighed, leading her past the Shrieking Shack and out the village* It's not a hill.... but it is a bit of a clearing....

Charlie: that's okay we just need to be able to see the stars without leaning our heads back, cause its a pain in the neck to look up at the stars, literally *laughs keeping her head leaned up against his shoulder walking along with him hoping she isn't bothering him too much with how close she was to him*

Damien: Alright, then this is the place. *releasing her arm slowly he pulls out his wand conjuring up a blanket and places the cake down on the edge, he hesitated a little, never having done anything quite like this before he holds out his hand to Charlie to help her sit* Ladies first....

Charlie: thank you *she takes his hand and uses it to help herself sit down careful not to tumble and fall letting go of his hand. She sits there hugging her legs smiling up at him waiting for him to sit down before laying down all the way* Your turn~

Damien: *smiles lightly and slides down besides her, though he hated the fact that the were outside, it was quite and they were alone. It was nicer out here as he slide the cake further onto the blanket and away from anything that might want it was a snack besides them.* So what do we do now?

Charlie: *she lays back stretching out smiling staring up at the stars* Now we do whatever we want *giggles a bit* we can keep talking we can stare at the stars we can do whatever. *she rolls onto her side letting it flop wherever it wants and smiles at him*

Damien: Well, it's whatever you want. I'm just here to deliver a cake. *laughs, smiling at her before gazing up at the stars* Well.... they really are beautiful....

Charlie: *flops back and looks up at the stars smiling softly, her blue eyes staring up at them* Yeah, it's hard to see the stars back home. too many lights and things like that.

Damien: *thinks for a second* You know, I don't really know if you can see the stars at my house... I would believe so, since there's not much electricity there... I'm one of the few houses that do have it. *he hasn't laid back yet and probably won't unless asked to, but her looks down at her and there's that adult with the childlike eyes he keeps seeing, and he's caught off guard again, the hair from her ponytail splayed out, the stars yet again reflected in her eyes- she is beautiful. his heart got caught in his throat making it difficult to speak and he gulped slightly, hoping she wouldn't call him to speak anytime soon, but he was staring again and he hadn't noticed that yet*

Charlie: I really love the stars *she holds a had out to the sky smiling looking at her hand silhouetted by the stars. Sighing softly she lets her hand fall back to her side gazing up at the stars getting lost in the expansion of the starry night sky. She wonders what it would be like to fly in the sky at night among the stars, after several moments she looks to Damien hoping he wasn't upset with her for not talking to him for so long. When he sees him staring down at her she smiles gently up at him.*

Damien: *as soon as she looks his way, his heart got caught up in his throat again, he blushes a mumbles a sorry before looking away, /Why did I say sorry?/ he knew that on right away, it's because he was staring, that rude and obnoxious and he knew he hated it when others stared at him.... but why was he blushing, that one wasn't as easily answered and it worried him. He rubbed the back of his next hoping that his blush wasn't easily caught in the dark of the night sky*

Charlie: *she blinks a few times when he looks away from her, her heart dropping a litte. Was he upset with her for not talking to him? She sighs a bit and looks back up at the stars a more neutral face this time. She wished he was more comfortable with her, she stares off into the stars letting her mind wander around a bit thinking a various useless things*

Damien: *clears his throat trying to calm himself again, chancing a look over to her... no smile. It was time for his heart to fall back into place, he was ruining her moment.... Was it because he wasn't talking? That must be it, if it was one thing he loved it was talking to her... loved? Yes, he loved talking to her, the mindless banter, her laugh, her smile. He would even chance to say that he loved her- in what way though, he couldn't tell anymore. But at least he knew it to be true. But he made her lose her smile on her birthday. He had to make it up to her.* Hey Charlie, do you know the constellations?

Charlie: huh? *snapping out of her mindless thoughts she looks up at him then to the stars* the constellations? well I know a few like there *points up at a set of stars* that's orion and over there is the big dipper *pointing to another set of stars, she thought it was rather odd for him to ask her about constellations but given their current situation she supposed it made sense.*

Damien: *decides that now would be a good time to lean back, because just as she said, tilting his head back to see the stars was giving him a neck cramp, and he made sure to avoid her hair, sweeping it out of the way before laying down, looking at the places where she was pointing* Hmmm, I guess you know this already, but I've never done this outside of class... I'm a little rusty... but the big dipper... that's easy to remember. *he sighs a bit looking over the countless stars trying to find more that he remembered and failing* What were you thinking of? When you spaced out.... if you don't mind me asking. If you do, it's quite alright if you don't answer me....

Charlie: *chuckles looking over at Damien smiling a bit* well don't worry I won't shun you for your lack of knowledge~ *teasing him she smiles a bit more, she looks back up at the stars and was about to pour out another set when he asked her what she was thinking about* what I was thinking of? well....I was thinking of a bunch of different things just letting my mind wander around in my head. *she shrugs a bit, she wasn't going to tell him that some of the things she was thinking about involved him.*

Damien: I was once a Ravenclaw, a lack of knowledge was something to get shunned for. *laughs a little until she answers his question* Wandering mind hmm? *going on the feeling she didn't want to further explain - something that he knew to well- he didn't question further, he just laid there looking up at the stars again* Just tell me when you want your cake.

Charlie: yep....... *she stars at the stars slowly slipping back into that haze she had before until something catches her eye, a shooting star. Whizzing past them in the night sky, she gasps loudly she's never seen a shooting star before this was just all too amazing* A SHOOTING STAR! *she points at it, a look of awe took over her face, her eyes seemed to sparkle*

#actual rp #rp log #charlie #charlie and damien #damien

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roxxythebirbrps · 5 years

Conversation

Charlie's Birthday Part 5

Damien: *sees that she's starting the slip back and starts to go into his own thoughts as well, when suddenly her gasp brought him back to their reality and the shooting star above them, he had only seen one before, when he was really young and the thought brought something small from his memory* Charlie! You have to make a wish! Before it vanishes! *he took her hand and looked over to her with a bright smile, and suddenly the star wasn't nearly that important. There was that small girl again but with longer hair but that sparkle in her eye and he wished for her to always keep that sparkle, for her to be happy to keep that youth that he loved within her, but to never stop growing*

Charlie: *she blinks a few times at Damien's bright smile, she blushes lightly till she snaps out of it and closes her eyes tightly lightly squeezing his hand as she made her wish. A selfish wish but a wish all the same. She wished that she could stay by Damien's side forever, even if it isn't in a romantic way. She was always happiest when she was with him and she never wanted that to end*

Damien: *smiles at her as she squeezes his hand, knowing better than to ask her her wish, but just hoping that both his and hers got through to the wayward star. He wasn't one for wishing or anything of the sort, but the look on her face, the fact that she closed her eyes so tightly and seemed to be wishing so hard allowed him to throw whatever notions he had out the window* I hope your wish was a good one. I know mine was.

Charlie: absolutely, the best wish I could have ever asked for *she opens her eyes and the shooting star was gone and she sighs smiling* I can't believe I saw a shooting star....on my birthday no less....my first shooting star *chuckles smiling softly* I knew this was going to be a good birthday.

Damien: Well I'm sure you'll get it then. *smiles, looking up at the sky again, looking for the last little glimmer of light to know that that shooting star was real, he doesn't see it, but he doesn't question the validity of it all. He was content with this, a moment shared between him and Charlie alone* Happy Birthday, Charlie.

Charlie: *turns her head and smiles at him softly her heart soring this day has been an amazing on in her life.* Thank you Damien....thank you so much.... *she rolls over and hugs him laying with him she doesn't want this moment to end. Just the two of them under the starlit sky it was so wonderful*

Damien: */Should I move?! Should I not move?! Should I hug her back?! Would that be to awkward!? Should I say something?!? I should say something! What do I say? Is there something to say!? Would I be able to say it without stumbling past my words!? I don't think so... WHy am I still thinking about it?! I should do something before Charlie get suspicious about why I'm not moving... I'm so stiff right now... NOT IN THAT WAY! WHY AM I SCREAMING ABOUT THIS IN MY OWN MIND?! I should calm down... yes, calm down relax. It's just the kid.... not that kid, she's not a kid anymore.... but that doesn't make her any less "the kid" right? I should really stop thinking about this and do something.../ The heat rising from embarrassment from his own ridiculous awkwardness was almost to much to bear as he moved a hand stiffly to pat her back awkwardly several moments later* Yo-you're welcome.... *then figuring that she would possibly take that poor excuse for a hug as a slight against her, he hugged her for real this time adding a small kiss atop her head.... /WHY DID I DO THAT?! Will she take it the wrong way?! I meant it was a nice gesture, what the hell is going on with me!??/ His confusion, if she cared to look up, clearly written all over his face*

Charlie: *somewhat suspected for him to freeze up like this so she didn't really mind it all to much. She couldn't help but chuckle at the awkward back pat and his stuttered you're welcome. It was so like Damien that's what made it so perfectly him, she smiles softly as he hugged her but her heart stopped when she felt the kiss on the top of her head. She blushes deeply not knowing what to do she knows it can't possibly be anything more than a friendly gesture but still a kiss on the top of her head, her heart just kept fluttering*

Damien: *frozen up again, but this time with Charlie in his arms, he knew about as much to do about the situation he put himself in as she did. Sooner or later they were both going to have to move, but that's not what he was thinking about... actually he wasn't thinking about anything as his mind became a muddled mess of sounds and words, just as his conversation might have been had he been able to talk anymore.... finally calming down a couple of minutes later all he could think was made she hadn't felt it, there was no reaction coming from her side that the kiss happened and even though it was such a simple friendly gesture - emphasis on the FRIEND part in Damien's mind, he just wouldn't mention it unless she did. There. All fixed, nothing to it, now only if he could talk again....* I, um... I.... *he couldn't even think of anything to say, so he shut himself up again.*

Charlie: *she stars rather still during his whole inner conversation while she tried to calm herself down. She kept repeating 'it meant nothing, it was a friendly kiss, it meant nothing, its damien' over and over in her head till her heart stopped racing. She takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out still hugging him. Despite her slightly panicked heart beat she wasn't planning on moving away from Damien at any time. She wanted to hug and cuddle him even if he ends up breaking every time she does. She snaps out of it as soon as she hears him try to speak, feeling a bit bad that he might have thought her lack of reaction to the kiss was a bad thing but she worries that she might have taken it wrong and if she just pretends like she didn't feel it she didn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing or upsetting him*

Damien: *feeling her take deep breaths besides him- he was to deep in his own frenzy to feel hers- he calmed down much more and his thoughts started to retain coherency yet again, one word kept repeating.... Cake? Why was he thinking of cake.... and then suddenly it hit him- Her cake! he sat up immediately* We still haven't had the cake! *realizing how stupid it must seem for him to be springing up for something to small he laughs a little* I'm sorry I'd had completely forgotten about it...

Charlie: *him sitting up so suddenly startled her* eek! *him sitting up also made her fall slightly to the side which made her blush a bit more than she already was. She begins to think that it was probably too bold of her to hug him and lay with him like that without expecting to be flung from his body like that. She nods a bit and sits up slightly herself* yes..cake.. *still very embarrassed*

Damien: *hadn't realized his actions would have lead to something like that and he tried to right her immediately, patting her side light and fixing her hair* Oh Charlie I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to fling you like that I just had a thought... You are alright though, aren't you/ I haven't hurt you in any way have I? *his caring about her wellbeing always trumps his embarrassment of affairs, as shown in the Three Broomstick and again here as his eyes looked to her with concern*

Charlie: *so beyond embarrassed right now, even though she knows she really doesn't need to be. There was something so....incurable about this embarrassment, something about hugging someone then getting flinged from them makes it hard to get over. She lets him right her and shifts awkwardly* i..i'm fine *oh god she's turned into Damien*

Damien: *he's messed up royally and he knows it, he doesn't know how to fix this and it worries him even more and as he finally noticed her embarrassed look, her awkward shift, he understands at least partially where it's coming from, and he stops, fighting with his own blush yet again to comfort her, he had hurt her, but not in any way that can be fixed by his medical training* Charlie.... I didn't mean anything by it, I swear... I just... I just got lost in my own thoughts- not that now wasn't more important than my thoughts, because the now -with you - is great and I wouldn't exchange it but... oh gods I've ruined it! I've spoiled your birthday! I didn't mean to I swear! it was so careless of me to jump up like that, and you.... you.... I'm sorry. *right back to where he started that whole speech at and head hung low, he felt as if her should just take the cake back to his room and toss it into the fire.*

Charlie: *runs her fingers through her pony tail slowly as he talks well...while he rambled on, she had hoped that he would be too dense to realize her awkwardness but her hopes were dashed. She waits until he finishes to speak again, though she looks out over the clearing rather than at him. She was still too embarrassed by the whole thing* its okay...I know you didn't mean to do it.....you didn't ruin my birthday..Damien.....

Damien: *sighs, just knowing that she’s lying to keep him from feeling horrible, he turns looking out to the clearing as well, shifting one of his knees up to rest his arm the other hand searching for something to do, something that will make her feel alright and he settles on it, knowing that just maybe this will make things worse or better, but at least he hopes it'll get the message across that he doesn't want their closeness to end because of his own stupidity- He puts an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him if only for a brief moment before rubbing her back lightly*

Charlie: *she was about to say she wanted to eat cake when he puts his arm around her and pulled her into him. This by far was the most shocking thing that has happened to her so far. She just could not believe that he would want to continue close contact with her after that, she couldn't help but blush. After a few long moments she wraps her arms around him hugging him tightly closing her eyes sighing a bit. This gesture made her happy and definitely made her feel better*

Damien: *he waits for a bit, thinking in her non-reaction that nothing's changed, but then smiles as she hugs him and he chuckles a bit in relief, some of the awkwardness that he regained over the last few years, being shrugged off in this one gesture and he hugs her back, the muddled up confusion in his mind giving way to a specific calmness, he didn't care how he saw her, he only cared who she was- and she was Charlie, his happy little Hufflepuff, and although he shunned it at first he realized that he needed this closeness to someone, and Charlie was the only one who can give it to him and he laughs again* Hey Charlie, you wouldn't happen to want that cake anymore, would you?

Charlie: *she uses his mild thought period to take in the hug trying to get the most out of it before he changed his mind and stopped hugging her. She wanted to feel his arms around her like this all the time, but I suppose that's a silly notion. She moves her head slightly to look at the cake before answering with the only answer that seemed obvious to her* of course I still want cake, you made it for me didn't you? *she smiles a bit still hugging him*

#actual rp #rp log #charlie #charlie and damien #damien

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