#I want to learn new things but those old habits are ENTRENCHED
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Golden Rings Chapter 4: A Light
The Storybrooke sequel to Golden Cuffs
Rumple meets his new wife
Read on AO3
Leaning on his cane, Rumpelstiltskin staggered away from Granny’s Bed and Breakfast. Orange electric lights cast dark shadows along the empty streets. The shadows hid him from view. No resident of Storybrooke, Maine noticed any unusual behavior from the man they all knew as Mr. Gold.
A bright yellow car was parked along the curb. When he had walked by, Gold had recognized it as a 1972 Volkswagen Beetle and had priced it at under ten thousand dollars. The license plate was from Massachusetts, and no one in Storybrooke had a vehicle so distinctive and colorful. A stranger had come to town. Gold had gone inside, to collect either the rent or Ruby Lucas. He would inquire about this new arrival.
But then he had heard the name Emma.
Snow White had told Rumpelstiltskin the name she would give to her unborn child. In exchange, he had told her that the child was the only one who could break the Queen’s curse. Emma, an infant princess, the product of True Love, would grow up to be the Savior of them all. On the child’s twenty-eighth birthday, she would be called to them. She would begin the battle that would break the curse, destroy the Evil Queen, and bring back the happy endings that were denied to them in this cruel land without magic.
Tonight, he had seen her.
Overwhelmed by the enormity of it all, Rumpelstiltskin braced himself on Gold’s cane. It had worked. All of it. Centuries of planning and manipulation. Failures and setbacks. Arranging everything and everyone into their proper places so that events led--slowly but surely--to one inevitable conclusion: True Love had triumphed in the old world, and a sorceress who was as full of power as she was of pain had destroyed that world and brought everyone to a place where they would all be loveless and miserable.
Exactly where he wanted to be.
His son was here. Somewhere in this world. Long ago, a Seer had told him that he would find Baelfire again. Now he was closer than he had ever been before. Somehow, even after centuries had passed in the old world, Bae was alive in this one. He could still be fourteen. Or he could be an old man. But he was out there. And Rumpelstiltskin would find him.
Turning the corner to where Gold had parked his Cadillac--five minutes and several lifetimes ago--Rumpelstiltskin stopped in his tracks. Feet were pressed up against the inside of the windshield on the passenger’s side of the car. Bare feet. Small, pale, women’s feet.
“Belle,” he whispered.
His heart didn’t know whether to lighten or sink.
He looked down at the fourth finger of his left hand. Gold had a lifelong habit of wearing a moonstone ring there. To the few brave souls who asked, he would say it was a symbol of his bachelorhood. He neither wanted nor needed to marry. Even after he had married Mrs. Gold, he had kept the moonstone ring--because he still didn’t want or need to shackle himself to her. But he also wore a plain gold band, nearly hidden by the more ostentatious ring. Only Mrs. Gold knew it was there.
And now Rumpelstiltskin knew too. That band was his wedding ring, not Gold’s. Belle had the other half of the matched set. Once, their rings had been the cuffs that had bound her to the Dark One’s will, forced her to obey his every word. By the time he had married Belle, the rings had no magic, but more power than ever before. Even across worlds, the rings connected them to each other. They had always been a sign that he belonged to Belle--as much as she had ever belonged to him. Rumpelstiltskin wanted to be bound to his wife. He could think of no greater delight.
But Mrs. Gold was not Belle.
As he approached the car, he saw more of her. Sitting low in the passenger’s seat, she sprawled her bare legs over the dashboard in a lascivious display. Her mustard-yellow shirtdress had the top several buttons open to expose the pale skin of her chest. The lingerie shop in town didn’t sell a brassiere to match the underpants Gold wanted her to wear today, so she had gone without. The dress mostly covered her breasts, but their shapes were clearly outlined to anyone close enough to see. Her skirt was bunched up around her hips and one hand was tucked inside those lacy, poison-green underpants.
Rumpelstiltskin didn’t breathe.
Gold’s knowledge came to him then. Belle--Mrs. Gold--had been teasing herself since twelve o’clock that afternoon. It was one of the games they liked to play, particularly on rent day. On these days, Gold allowed her free access to her body, head to toe. While he collected other people’s money and misery, she would slowly work herself over. Hour by hour, Mrs. Gold would stroke and caress her legs, her neck, her chest. She would pinch and scratch and rub to her heart’s delight. About an hour before they were due to go home, Gold finally gave her permission to touch the sweet wetness between her legs. He allowed this so long as only teased and never gave in to full satisfaction. And Mrs. Gold knew better than to test her husband.
The end of the game, of course, was when all the rent was collected. That was when Gold finally deigned to touch her himself. With one hand on the steering wheel and one between her thighs, he reclaimed his control over his wife’s pleasure, forcing or denying her completion as it suited him. When he chose to let her come, he rolled down the windows and made her moans last for the entire drive back to his house.
Rumpelstiltskin opened the door and slid into the car. The dome light turned on when he put the key in the ignition. Mrs. Gold lit up just as much.
“Welcome back!” she smiled. She pulled her legs down from the dashboard and slipped her feet into her high-heeled shoes. Her hand remained up her skirt. “No waitress?”
“No.” He said what Gold would say. “Somehow the Lucas women were able to gather up the necessary funds.”
“Oh I’m sorry, Mr. Gold.” She lowered her eyes. “That was my fault.”
He glanced at her, but couldn’t bear to look for long.
Mrs. Gold kept apologizing. “I shouldn’t have visited the diner so early yesterday. If I had been later, they wouldn’t have had enough time to get the money.”
She paused, and by the time Rumpelstiltskin realized that she was waiting for a response, she had started again.
“My only excuse is that Ruby is always off on Saturday nights, and I wanted to make sure she got the message. I--I did do the best I could.”
Gold’s plan had been to coerce Ruby Lucas into offering to spend a night with them in exchange for a reprieve on her grandmother’s rent. It was the sort of scenario that amused him. Not only would he get to use the body of a beautiful young woman--in addition to the one he was already married to--but he would get to make Ruby feel cheap and helpless. Gold cared less about the sex than the selling. If he could get the girl to offer herself once, she would be more likely to try again the next time he arranged for her to be in a bind. Then she would be in his power. He could keep demanding more and more while providing less and less.
But then Emma Swan had entered the story.
Rumpelstiltskin knew Emma was responsible for the Lucases having enough cash to get through the month. Gold’s plan had been foolproof, but Emma was a new variable in the equation. She was the Savior, and she was already making this town a better place.
“Are you angry with me, Mr. Gold?”
Rumpelstiltskin blinked. He looked over at the woman in the seat next to him. The hand between her legs had stopped moving. Her body was perched on the edge of the seat, nervous. Expectant. She thought he was going to punish her.
He couldn’t look at her face.
“No,” he said at last. “I’m not angry with you, Mrs. Gold.”
He allowed the motions of driving a car to busy his hands. He focused on the road to keep himself from looking at his wife. Rumpelstiltskin could use Gold’s knowledge to do things he had never learned. Gold’s hands and feet worked the wheel and the pedals. Gold’s memory knew which streets to take, when to stop at different lights and signs.
It was lucky Rumpelstiltskin had practice with hosting a second consciousness in his head. Becoming the Dark One had also given him knowledge he had never learned, abilities he could not fathom. To a crippled, mud-poor spinner, an automobile was just as much magic as a transportation spell.
Once before, he had crafted a new identity out of disparate parts. He had decided how much of the Dark One he could bear to take on, how much of the spinner he couldn’t separate from. Now he would do the same with Gold.
Everyone else in Storybrooke was fully entrenched in their cursed lives. They had no idea that it was possible to be someone else. And that was for the best. If you weren’t used to it, having two realities in your head at the same time could drive you mad.
His wife was quiet on the drive back to the house. Despite what Rumpelstiltskin had said, she clearly still thought that she had disappointed Gold. If he was displeased with her, she knew better than to make matters worse with chit chat he would find tiresome.
Rumpelstiltskin pulled the car into the small garage that sat separate from the house. Mrs. Gold didn’t move. She didn’t unbuckle her safety belt or adjust her position on the seat. The woman stared at the darkness in front of her, her unmoving hand dutifully clasped between her thighs.
He had to act. He had to do something. What would Gold do, to comfort his wife? How would he assure her that she had done no wrong?
But then the answer came to him: Gold wouldn’t care that his wife had done nothing wrong. He benefited from her thinking that she had, that she was obligated to make it up to him. Gold would unzip his trousers, pull his wife down by her hair, and stuff her sweet mouth with the full length of his cock before he would say a single word to comfort her. The man wouldn’t even offer her a patronizing “Good girl,” until his seed dribbled out from between her lips. And even then, he would force her to walk outside to the front door with it on her face. He wouldn’t let her clean herself until he grew bored with the sight of his “decoration”.
Rumpelstiltskin had no stomach for that sort of thing. Not now.
So he decided to do what Gold would do if he was pleased with his wife. Taking his cane, he got out of the car and walked around the front to her side. Then, he opened Mrs. Gold’s door for her. In this world, that was an old-fashioned, gentlemanly gesture. When Gold was feeling his best, he considered himself an old-fashioned gentleman.
Mrs. Gold seemed to read the action in the way Rumpelstiltskin had intended it. She extended her free hand, and he helped her out of the car. Her smile was broad, and shaky with relief.
“Thank you very much, Mr. Gold. You’re too good to me.”
Rumpelstiltskin clenched his teeth and said nothing. He let go of her hand as soon as she was on her feet.
She walked ahead of him, as Gold had trained her to do. He liked to admire the view. And it gave him a thrill to know that he could see her when she couldn’t see him. Gold liked to imagine that he was stalking his pretty wife. He fancied himself a predator, choosing the right moment to lunge at his unsuspecting prey.
Rumpelstiltskin shook his head.
By the standards of Storybrooke, Gold’s house was a palace. It was three stories high, with balconies and porches and bay windows. The style was named after queens and the house lived up to its royal pedigree.
It was painted pink on the outside, which was unusual in this world. Once, some fool had questioned Gold about that. How could a real man bear to live in a pink house? Gold had quipped that yes, the house was the color of a woman--that was why he liked to go in and out as many times a day as possible.
When Mrs. Gold got to the front door, she stood to the side on the porch and waited. For a moment, Rumpelstiltskin puzzled at that. Why didn’t she open the door and go in? This was her home too, wasn’t it? But then the nasty fact came to him: Mrs. Gold didn’t have a key to the house where she lived. Gold had made it very clear to her that this was his house. Whether or not she was allowed inside was entirely based on his pleasure.
But she was smiling, when he came up to the door. She presented herself with her arms behind her back. The posture pushed out her chest and further exposed her open shirtfront and bare skin. A chill wind blew through the autumn night, but Mrs. Gold didn’t flinch. She didn’t make a move to cover herself from his sight.
Rumpelstiltskin unlocked the door and held it open.
She hurried in with an enthusiastic, “Thank you, Mr. Gold!”
He took a deep breath before he crossed the threshold into Gold’s mansion. Even once he was inside, Rumpelstiltskin kept his back to the interior for a moment. He took his time locking the double doors behind him. He pressed a button by the door and an electric light shone down through a crystal chandelier.
When he turned around, Mrs. Gold was kneeling on the wooden floor in front of him.
Her shoes were lined up neatly on a shoe rack. Her yellow dress was hanging from a coat hook on the wall. Her underpants were in her hands, offered up to him. The light green had become dark with the dampness of her pleasure.
Rumpelstiltskin froze. One hand gripped his cane. But his other hand didn’t hesitate to do what Gold would do. He took the underpants and brought them up to his nose.
Belle.
In that moment, it was her. He knew Belle’s scent, her taste. He knew the feeling of her wetness on his fingers. He knew her cunt, hot and slick and ready for him. He knew her breathing, her sighs, all those delectable noises she made as he pleasured her, over and over.
And now she was in front of him. Belle’s body, small and lovely. Belle’s skin, pale as cream and smooth as silk. Belle’s scars, scars he had inflicted in his passion and sewn up with golden thread. Belle’s hair, that wild tangle of brown curls he loved to tame. Belle’s eyes, crystalline blue, wide and pleading, yearning for him. She wanted his touch, his attention, even his cruelty. Whatever he chose to give her, she would take it gladly and hunger for more.
Belle’s pink lips parted. Belle’s voice spoke. But the words that came out of her mouth were things that Belle would never say.
“Well, Mr. Gold, you’ve got the rent money. Would you like to pour it out on the bed and rub my face in it while you fuck me from behind?”
Gold wanted very much to do that, and Rumpelstiltskin felt his body responding. Why not? This woman was as much his wife now as she had ever been. She was Belle! She was beautiful, and she wanted him. He held the evidence of her desire in the palm of his hand. There was nothing to stop him from taking her upstairs and pounding his cock into her until she forgot her own name.
But that was exactly the problem.
Mrs. Gold didn’t know her own name. She wasn’t Belle.
And Rumpelstiltskin was not Gold.
Then and there, he made the decision: He would never sleep with Mrs. Gold. She wanted someone he wasn’t, and he wanted someone she could never be. Rumpelstiltskin hadn’t married Belle for her body. It would be an insult to his true wife to use this woman for his pleasure just because the two shared a physical form.
But he couldn’t let Mrs. Gold know that. Not yet, and preferably not ever. He didn’t know if anyone else in Storybrooke was awake from the curse. He didn’t even know who had survived the journey from one world to the other. He didn’t know how much time it would take before Emma Swan broke the curse.
All Rumpelstiltskin knew was who he was, who his wife was, and how important it was to keep those facts a secret. Some might call it cowardice, but he knew it as wisdom. Just because he had made it to the new world, his work had not finished. He had to wait for the next phase of the plan. He had to lay low, he had to gather information, he had to appear as much like Gold as he could possibly stand.
He could not treat his wife the way Gold did. But nor could he let her know what he was doing. He’d be walking on a blade’s edge until the Savior broke the curse.
For the present, Mrs. Gold stared up at him. Belle’s eyes, rimmed with paint and wide with want. Belle’s shoulders, rising and falling as she breathed. Even Belle’s petite, perfect breasts, her nipples pointed and red from the cold and the teasing she had given them.
Rumpelstiltskin didn’t let a muscle move on his face as he took the underpants in his hand and slid them into the pocket of his suit coat, right next to the bag of rent money. It was the sort of thing Gold would do.
“I’m not going to fuck you tonight,” he announced coldly.
Mrs. Gold’s face fell. “I--I said I was sorry, Mr. Gold.” She lowered her head down to the floor. “I know I should be punished. Please punish me, Mr. Gold. Please hurt me. But please don’t deny me yourself. Not on rent day.”
She turned her head in a motion Rumpelstiltskin knew too well. She was going to kiss his boots. She was going to grovel and beg for his affection, just like he used to order Belle to do. No. Never again!
He tried to dart away, but remembered his ankle--too late. Gold had a cane for a reason. He fell back against the door with a hard thud. Hands pressed against the wood, he just barely stopped himself from sliding down to the ground.
Mrs. Gold rose up on her knees, eyes wide with concern. Her hands were raised up, as if she thought she could catch him. There was a small scar on the same hand as her wedding band. Belle’s scar, Belle’s ring.
Rumpelstiltskin waved her away before he managed to stand. “Just go,” he snarled. The shock of the fall was giving way to embarrassment, but even that was less pressing than the aching throb in his ankle.
After all these years, he had almost forgotten that pain.
“Where should I go?” Mrs. Gold got to her feet. Her voice was timid, but she looked steadily at him. “May I dress first?”
Rumpelstiltskin took a deep breath. Then another. He had taught Belle to calm her fears with breathing. As long as you can breathe, you are alive, sweetheart. As long as you can breathe, you can think. He had to think.
Mrs. Gold had taken him literally when he had told her to go. She was ready to walk out the door and stay away until he summoned her back. She was only mildly concerned that she might be naked in public outside on a late autumn night.
“You’ll stay in the house,” he clarified. He tried to keep his composure, even though he was breathing more heavily than Gold would. “You can do whatever you like, within the usual parameters. I’m going to my study to take care of the accounts. I do not wish to be distrubed. Is that understood?”
She nodded, like an obedient child. “Yes, Mr. Gold.”
“I may be up quite late,” he went on. “You are to be asleep by ten.”
At that, she looked askance. Normally rent day was when Gold kept his wife up late. He let his twin vices of greed and lust feed off of each other, with wrath often adding to the frenzy. It was the highlight of their month. But Mrs. Gold knew better than to question her husband when he gave her an order.
“I’ll be ready for you whenever you want me, Mr. Gold.”
Rumpelstiltskin made himself grin. “Yes, dearie, I know you will.”
Gold regularly called his wife dearie. It was a term he used when he knew he was cheating someone out of something. Rumpelstiltskin had stopped thinking of Belle as dearie within a week of knowing her.
Without another word, Mrs. Gold took her dress off the hook and went upstairs.
****
Even after Rumpelstiltskin turned on a desk lamp, Gold’s study remained dark and gloomy. Mahogany shelves full of thick books lined the walls, adding depth to the black shadows. A burgundy leather armchair and footstool lurked in the far corner. A matching couch stood in front of the fireplace, perpendicular to the large antique desk in front of the window.
Gold had many fond memories of having his wife bent over the arm of the couch while he worked at his desk. Sometimes he would spank her or fuck her. But just as often he would leave her for hours while she silently begged for his touch. Gold always made sure to angle her so that she couldn’t see him, or any other part of the room. She never knew where he was, if he was looking at her or ignoring her. He would keep her hands restrained behind her back and sometimes her ankles tied together so she was all but helpless. Naked and bound, with a ball gag in her mouth, her face pressed against a sheet of plastic to protect the leather and collect her tears and drool.
Shaking his head, Rumpelstiltskin looked away from the couch. He didn’t want to think about Mrs. Gold, about how cruelly her husband had treated her for twenty-eight years. He didn’t want to imagine Belle crying and pleading--or worse, falling silent because she knew better than to complain. Such images were too fresh in his mind. Before Belle had agreed to be his wife, he had made her cry far too many times. Was Gold the way he was because Rumpelstiltskin had been the way he was?
Sinking into the office chair, he rubbed his face. After a moment, he loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his dress shirt. This was a truly hideous shirt. The pattern of black and white checks clashed with itself and did no favors for any suit that tried to match it. Did Gold think he looked handsome wearing this? Had he walked out of this house this morning confident that this was the best choice of wardrobe he could have made?
What a fool.
Oddly, the thought comforted Rumpelstiltskin. He liked judging Gold’s taste. It was proof that they were not the same. His other self didn’t know how to dress any more than he knew how to treat his wife well. But he knew better.
Rumpelstiltskin was a better man than Gold. That wasn’t saying much, but it was something. Some little spark of hope to cling to.
The shelf nearest the desk was covered by a panel of dark wood on a hinge. Curious, Rumpelstiltskin pulled down gently on the top of the panel. It folded down to reveal a single cut glass tumbler and several bottles of liquor. A bar. A much-needed amenity on a day like today.
He grabbed the first bottle he saw--it had a blue label that lay at an angle across the light blue glass--and poured a drink into the tumbler. The alcohol burned in his mouth like a cleansing fire.
He tried not to drink too quickly. What would his tolerance be in this new world? His body was what it had been as a spinner, just as lame, just as weak. In this world without magic, he had lost most of what made him the Dark One. The scales were gone. He couldn’t see without light anymore. He wouldn’t be able to go weeks without eating or sleeping any time soon. There was much that he would have to get used to again.
And there was his ankle.
Rumpelstiltskin leaned Gold’s cane against the desk. At least that looked less pathetic than the walking stick he’d relied on for fourteen years. Gods, was that really all it had been? He had been a cripple for the whole of Bae’s life--from the day Rumpelstiltskin had heard he would be a father until the moment he felt the old Dark One’s blood on his hands. One instant of cowardice had led to fourteen years of wretchedness, and even centuries later he was still branded by that choice.
Another swallow of liquor. Later, there would be time to wallow in self-pity over all the different ways he had ruined his own life. He knew from experience that such emotions never really went away. Regrets always lay dormant, like sleeping beasts waiting for the sound of a single wrong step in the forest to wake up and ravage the unsuspecting.
Only Belle had ever helped him, with her steadfast stubbornness and gentle strength. She had cut through his years of pain to expose his soul and center. And she had called it beautiful. He could come to her with his weakness, his fear, the most ugly and most evil parts of him, and she would only see how much he needed love.
And she would give him love. Even when he didn’t deserve it. And he loved her. He made her his wife and the mistress of his dagger. Everything he had, everything he was belonged to her. It wasn’t enough, but it was all he had to give.
Tears pricked at his eyes. He reached into his jacket pocket for a handkerchief. Instead, his fingers grasped upon Mrs. Gold’s underpants and a bag of money.
He tossed them both on the desk, quick to keep from touching either item. The whole of Gold’s life lay before him on the desk. No tears, no love. Just sex and money.
And power. A drawer in the desk opened up to reveal a leather-bound ledger book. This was where Gold’s power lay. This was the record of practically everyone in Storybrooke, everyone who was in his debt. In red and black ink, Gold had carefully written down all of their names, what they wanted, and how much they paid him every month to have it.
Rumpelstiltskin read over the list. Row upon row of names that meant nothing to him--yet. Marco Beginini. Janine Woolverton. Mary Margaret Blanchard. Ashley Boyd. Mara Trudine. Archibald Hopper. On and on it went. Gold owned their homes or their places of business. He had loaned money to pay for their cars or medical bills. And now he had them in his book. Month by month, he kept tabs on these people’s lives. Diligently, he recorded how much trouble they had in keeping up with the payments, using that as an indicator of whether or not they could be manipulated into offering him more than just cash.
Gold had more than enough cash. Rumpelstiltskin’s fingers set to work counting out the strips of colored paper that served as money in this world. There were coins as well, silver and copper. People in Storybrooke were so desperate to appease their landlord that they emptied their change jars and counted up nickels and pennies to make sure the rent was paid.
The money was grimy and sometimes sticky under his touch. Dirt-poor, Rumpelstiltskin thought. Desperate souls. The sort of people who would pick up a coin off a dirty sidewalk because you never knew if you might need it. Mr. Gold wouldn’t show mercy if you were even one penny short.
Rumpelstiltskin leaned back in the chair. How long would it have been before Gold started demanding fealty from these people? If he hadn’t woken up, how many more months would have passed before Gold started making people grovel in the streets and kiss his shiny black shoes? This world was supposed to have evolved beyond lords and peasants. There was a saying here that all men were created equal. How could anyone believe that, as long as men like Gold ruled over so many others?
Once the amounts were recorded--money counted, names amounts tidily written down--Rumpelstiltskin put the cash to rights. Gold had a system for this, as he did for everything in his life. The bills marked for one hundred dollars went into his safe. If anyone came to him for a loan, he would have the funds ready to disperse. Twenty dollar bills went to the bank, to be deposited in various bank accounts. Gold never deposited enough cash at one time to arouse suspicion--though of course there was nothing for anyone to suspect about his business interests, nothing at all. The coins and small bills went back to his pawn shop to fill out the cash register.
And the fifties went to Mrs. Gold.
As far as Gold was concerned, his wife existed for two reasons: To get fucked and to spend his money. He gave her at least a thousand dollars a week and expected her to show him the receipts of what she bought. Jewelry, clothes, useless gadgets that would get thrown away within a month. The most practical errand she ever ran was going to the grocer’s and buying whatever gourmet food they had to sell.
He liked her to go to as many places around Storybrooke as possible. Her mission was to flaunt his wealth and her sex. As many people as possible should see her, and they should all walk away knowing that she was nothing but a gold-digging fucktoy. That was what Gold wanted people to think about the woman he had married.
Rumpelstiltskin stood up from the desk with a heavy sigh. When was the last time he had been so tired? There was a watch in his trouser pocket. He pulled it out and saw that it was after midnight. Mrs. Gold would surely be asleep by now.
For a man who used a cane, Gold had an agonizing number of stairs in his house. Rumpelstiltskin made the climb with his free hand braced along the wall or the bannister. This house had been built in a time when guests and servants and large families were expected to take up space in a home. Perhaps that was why these dark halls and empty rooms felt more lonely than his castle in the old world ever had.
Belle had made that castle into a home for both of them. Even when she was his thing, she had explored and poked around. Her very presence had changed it, quite without her knowing what she was doing. She had made the place feel wanted, and by wanting it, she had made it her own.
Once she was his wife they had both been more deliberate about making the castle a place for her comfort. It had become a world of books and blankets, full of plush furniture big enough for them to snuggle up together. Heavy curtains had come down, and fires were always lit for warmth. Belle had brought light into his residence, and into his life.
Now, Rumpelstiltskin had to bring his own light into the gloom of Gold’s house. As he made his way to the master suite, he pushed buttons and switches to turn on the electric illumination.
But when he opened the door, a light was already lit for him. Adjoining Gold’s bedroom there was a separate sitting area, with a fireplace and a wardrobe and a set of cloth-upholstered chairs. Between the chairs, an antique table lamp gave off a red glow.
The lampshade was shaped like a crescent, with red beads dangling from the border on either side. The shade itself was covered with gold lace and embroidered silk roses. The light was dim and lurid. It was meant to be more alluring than illuminating. But it was better than the darkness in the hallway.
Mrs. Gold had left it on for when he came to bed. Gold never ordered her to do that. She had thought, she had planned. She wanted to welcome him, even in this small, silent way. She wanted to make him comfortable, in whatever way he allowed her.
“Are you awake?”
He gave the question softly to the darkness in the next room. All he got in answer was the sound of heavy breathing, a steady rhythm he knew so well. For a single, wonderful year, he and Belle had been together in their marriage. For so many nights, they had shared a bed. While she slept, he would stay awake beside her. Listening to her breathing had contented him as much as spinning.
He couldn’t look at the sleeping figure in Gold’s bed. Rumpelstiltskin went to the next room in this suite, the washroom. The light from the table lamp didn’t reach this far, so he shut the door to the bedroom before flipping the switch.
He scrubbed the filthy money off of his hands. He let his body go through a series of nighttime rituals he was too tired to try to understand. Without thought, took off his clothes and dressed in a pair of navy blue silk pajamas.
Gold’s side of the bed was near the wall. He would be able to get up without having to fumble for his cane. Rumpelstiltskin put the damn thing in the corner where it always went--where Gold’s body would know to find it at all hours of the day or night. Then he pulled back the blanket and got into bed with Mrs. Gold.
The movement didn’t wake her. Far too often, Rumpelstiltskin had only come to bed after Belle was already asleep, and he had learned how to keep from disturbing her. But even in sleep, Mrs. Gold was ready to welcome her husband. She scooted towards him without turning around and she wouldn’t stop until one of his legs was wrapped around her body, covering her, claiming her.
Exhausted beyond imagining and seeking any comfort he could find, Rumpelstiltskin didn’t pull away. He curled around her body and buried his face in her hair. He searched for the scent of Belle, underneath all of Mrs. Gold’s perfumes and products. His arm wrapped around her. She was so warm, so lovely. Her skin was smooth under his palms, soft as a rose petal. Half-asleep, Rumpelstiltskin stroked his wife’s arms, her sides. She felt so good to touch. And judging by her soft, slumbering noises, she enjoyed him touching her as well.
He wasn’t aware of how much skin he was touching until he felt the synthetic lace at her hip. Her underpants. Mrs. Gold had gone to bed wearing nothing but a pair of underpants. There was an obvious hole on the side. He remembered her words in the entryway. She had promised that she would be ready for him.
Ready for Gold.
Rumpelstiltskin’s hands balled into fists. He couldn’t bear to touch her anymore, but nor could he bear to let her go. Even as Mrs. Gold, she was too dear to him. In every other way, he was so far from Belle. He couldn’t allow even this scrap of her to slip through his fingers. In the dark of Gold’s bedroom, Rumpelstiltskin clung to his wife and wept.
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Passage 10: Holding Space
Nurture the darkness of your soul
until you become whole.
Can you do this and not fail?
Can you focus your life-breath until you become
supple as a newborn child?
While you cleanse your inner vision
will you be found without fault?
Can you love people and lead them
without forcing your will on them?
When Heaven gives and takes away
can you be content with the outcome?
When you understand all things
can you step back from your own understanding?
Giving birth and nourishing,
making without possessing,
expecting nothing in return.
To grow, yet not to control:
This is the mysterious virtue.
There’s a lot to break down in this passage, so let’s just start at the beginning. “Nurture the darkness of your soul until it becomes whole.” Now, while that sounds super heavy metal and badass, what it’s actually referring to are spaces of emptiness – vacancies – within your soul. There are spaces inside of you that have not yet filled in, spaces for you to become more. We are not yet complete people, so there is room inside us for growth. It is your responsibility, in order to become the best version of yourself, to nurture that darkness, that emptiness, to save space for growth.
I’m now going to provide a metaphor, which is not from the Tao Te Ching, but which I find helpful in illustrating some of its messages.
The emptiness or darkness of the soul is like an empty field which hasn’t been seeded. We know that we will need to grow something there someday, so it is up to us to act as stewards of this field. We should make sure that it is fertilized, well-tended and cleared of weeds. We want to create the best space possible for future growth.
So how do we do this? How do we hold the space and tend to the field?
Well, the space is already there. As long as you are alive, you are developing. However, it is the natural tendency of humanity to just grow more of the same stuff. The plants that are already there in your soul, the behaviors and ideas that you’ve already developed, will just multiply themselves and overtake those empty spaces. In the end, you will have simply redoubled who you are and become more entrenched in your current ideas and beliefs until you are, like a lot of older people, just an old curmudgeon stuck in your ways with no room for new ideas.
So, essentially, what we need to do to prevent this is to keep back the weeds of what’s already there in order to save space for something new. We should ensure that there is always space cleared and tended for something new, that we’re not just growing more of the same old shit.
Let’s move on now to lines 4-7 of this passage. To “become supple as a newborn child” is to clear the way until we have a childlike receptiveness, able to absorb and integrate new ideas with ease. To do this, we must cleanse our inner vision, clear out the perception filters that we see the world through. These are the seeds that spread our spiritual weeds.
But in order to do this, we first have to know ourselves. Any good gardener will tell you that the first step to controlling weeds is to identify them. We must examine our perceptions and biases, the personal experiences that are clouding our views of the world. We search for these, analyze them, hold them in our hands. Slowly, we are able to strip away those filters, pull the weeds, until we have a childlike view of the world.
How many of your beliefs, habits, or filters of perception are born of childhood trauma? Beyond trauma, what about harmful or rigid ideas passed down to us from our families? Childhood is when we are most receptive, when we are sowing and growing our first fields of belief. How much of what you have grown since then has been new, unfiltered by what came before? How much has simply been the seed blown over from those first experiences?
Let’s move on to the next line: “Can you love people and lead them without forcing your will on them?” To love someone is to learn them, to allow the idea of them to grow within you. But, to stay with our field metaphor, have you given them their own space to grow into who they truly are, unimpeded by your preconceived notions of who they should be? Or are you growing them in a weeded space, where they can become nothing except a shallow sum of your perceptions?
The other lines support this idea, that we must release entrenched ideas like ownership, the things we know, our preconceived notions and the things in the world we want to control. I discussed in “Passage 2: Judgment and Categorization” how the idea of possessing people and objects is born of our impulse to categorize everything. These filters of perception, these weeds, inform those categorizations.
Have you ever been to a funeral for a person you thought you knew relatively well, only to discover that there were huge aspects of their life that you knew hardly anything about? Maybe there were friends or colleagues you had never met, people telling stories about things they had done that you had no idea about? In moments like those, we suddenly realize that we do not know a person in their entirety, that we see just one facet of a much more complex creation.
The rest of the passage is very much about this notion: relinquishing your sense of control and ownership over the things around you. Just because you’ve made something doesn’t mean it belongs to you. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they’re yours. Just because you have something now doesn’t mean it’s yours forever. The things around us are like sand mandalas. We spend hours working at something, whether that is creation or relationship building or learning something. But they are not ours to preserve. These things, like all things, will fade away. That’s part of the beauty of it. You put your energy and soul into it, and then you let it go. The act of creation was the virtue, not the art itself. The act of loving was the virtue, not the relationship. The act of learning was the virtue, not the knowledge. Not the product.
As I said at the beginning, there were a lot of complex ideas to break down in this passage, and I didn’t even get to everything. None of these ideas can be fully absorbed in a single sitting. So, to strip things down to a more manageable size for now, let me pose a few questions you can walk away with:
What are you doing to hold space for new spiritual growth?
What are some of the weeds that intervene in your attempts to grow?
What are some ways you can practice making without possessing?
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It: Chapter 2
It: Chapter 2 is an almost three hour movie in which just about nothing of value happens
this review contains implied spoilers for the movie! if that bothers you, don’t read ahead.
It (2017) had some incredible setpieces with brilliant monster designs and fantastic practical effects, bolstered by a couple of excellent performances from the show-stealing Finn Wolfhard and Jack Dylan Grazer, along with an outstanding performance by Bill Skarsgard as Pennywise. this, and the simplicity of the plot, make up for the fact that the character writing was often shallow and the dialogue laden with exposition.
It: Chapter 2 has almost all of those qualities, but also one major flaw: it's a bad movie.
there’s a lot to unpack when it comes to why exactly It 2 is such an extreme drop in quality to the first movie; the biggest is the story, which is a mish-mash of new footage of the child actors and the characters as adults, and is probably the biggest pisstake in film history in terms how much of an extreme waste of time it is. for a film to so thoroughly enforce the idea that the characters’ actions are pointless and serve nothing is unbelievable. as a movie that should be a triumphant ending to the saga, we’re given what is explicitly told to us to be pointless.
It 2′s sin is that it doesn’t build up to anything. not storybeats, not relationships, often not even scares. things are laughably obviously telegraphed, even more so than It 2017′s often heavy-handed exposition. the movie wants us to care about the characters because of their past together, but rather than building off the first film’s two hours of story it instead patches in new settings and scenes that no viewer has any attachment to.
“remember the club house? you love the club house!” the film says, showing us to a set we’ve never seen before and have no reason to care about other than it dictates we have to now care about it. the first movie was incredibly well received and is now beloved, it has more than enough emotional moments to build off of, but the film rejects all that in favour of bringing up new ideas, new concepts that hardly get built upon. it demands you care, but doesn’t earn that compassion or attention.
unresolved issues is the name of the game in this movie; characters are constantly shown to have problems, huge, serious problems. Beverly is being abused by her husband, something we’re shown in overly graphic detail. Mike is suffering from untold trauma from standing vigil over Derry for years. Bill is fucking up his movie and his relationship with his wife. Richie is living a lie, deep within the closet. what’s most egregious is not just that these issues don’t get resolved, but that they never get addressed.
we are meant to believe that these characters care about each other, care deeply, have a connection that would drive them to die for each other, but no one notices that Bev is covered with bruises and is desperately avoiding home. no one questions Mike’s erratic, terrified behaviour. Bill forgets his wife exists. as i watched the movie i found myself asking, if Ben loves Beverly so much, why can’t he see her pain?
in the first movie, the characters’ issues were deeply entrenched in their psyche, were part of what Pennywise used to manipulate and attack them. in this movie, they haven’t moved on from their childhood issues and their adult issues are merely tacked on, lip service to the idea that they have grown up but a refusal to actually spend time examining what their issues as adults are. all the characters are suffering in some way, but they never share these things. for all their love and trust, they never developed past their childhood and they never learned how to be adults. their arcs from the first movie are reset completely; their development in that film never happened. for how little that film ties into this one and how much this one wants to retell history with new content, it might as well not have existed at all.
if It: Chapter 2 lacks anything, it’s tact. it’s carelessly violent and shallow, throwing around horrifying concepts and spending no time to flesh them out. while the idea in the book that Pennywise’s presence leads to more violence, abuse and bigotry deserves criticism, this film manages to do an even worse job. what in the book might be questionable and in need of updating becomes uncomfortable and thoughtless in the movie. the gay hate crime at the film is one of the most prominent examples; always a horrifying thing to read in the movie it serves even less purpose, exposes even less about the town, adds nothing, means nothing. goes nowhere.
let’s talk about being gay. let’s talk about Richie.
here’s a fun fact; discounting Nightmare on Elm Street 2 (as painful as it is for me to say this, as someone who fucking adores that movie) It: Chapter 2 is the first horror movie in a big franchise to have a gay hero, unless there’s some information i really badly need to be updated on. making Richie gay was a good move, and i think Richie was the perfect character to pick for it. he’s by far one of the two most likeable characters in the film, the most memorable, gets the best moments and the best lines.
but the conclusion the film gives him, combined with the hate crime earlier in the movie, after he spends the entire film in the closet letting no one know he is suffering, is that he will never be happy. he can’t open up to anyone about what he’s feeling; he never tells any of the others, even Eddie, the character strongly implied to be the love of his life. while Ben and Beverly are given one of the best and most visually striking setpieces of the film to reunite in, there is no such moment for Eddie and Richie. there is no catharsis for either of them.
while making Richie gay was an excellent idea, to try and throw a bone to us starving gays to have someone to cling to, but the ending of the movie left me feeling completely hollow. i did not want my takeaway from his character to be that he is traumatised beyond the point of any healing.
the politics of gay representation in this movie are bad, and so is race.
Stephen King is a writer with a dirty reputation for his habit of using “native americans” as shorthand for something magic and not understandable, and this film manages to not only dig up the few traces of this from the book but also make it worse, turning the ritual of chud (something that the book implied only worked because the characters believed in it and had no tie to native americans) into the act of ignorant, misinformed indigenous people who get not a single line to explain or defend themselves but are only allowed to be set dressing to later be ridiculed and demonised.
Mike, the sole black character of the movie, is served horribly in this film. while in the novel he was one of the most important characters, a thoughtful librarian and historian carefully gathering the history of Derry to research the truth of It’s influence, he was given no screen time in the first movie and in this one is the detested outsider of the group. he is pushed into the position of mentor and guide, rather than friend, and comes across almost like the old stereotype of the magical black character, someone who is only there to provide guidance to the white leads through insight he mysteriously and magically possesses. the film stripped away his position as historian and researcher from the first movie and now scrambles to make up for that, leaving him without the history and characterisation to allow us to understand who and why he is.
on top of this, despite the enormity of his sacrifice to stay in Derry and the clear mental strain it’s put him through -- Isaiah Mustafa gives Mike more depth and thought than anyone else did and brings in his performance layers of subtlety this film doesn’t deserve -- the other characters are mocking and derisive of his attempts, don’t trust him and accuse him repeatedly of lying to and betraying them. these moments go nowhere, also. he is always immediately ‘forgiven’ without any thought as to his own suffering or the continual selflessness of his actions. he’s the thoughtless punchbag to a film in which the character continually martyrs himself for the comfort of others.
he isn’t even given the dignity of being called the leader of the group, despite doing everything for them and coming up with every idea. for some reason, the leader is nominated as Bill, despite James McAvoy’s performance being lackluster to the point of fading into the background entirely and the character of Bill doing next to nothing in the film at all.
but again -- the characters in It are not allowed to care about each other’s pain and suffering outside of a few moments. they come with their mental turmoil and they are either completely cured of it or allowed to remain in it, unmentioned again.
there’s not a bad actor in this -- James Ransone is astonishingly good, pitch-perfectly recreating Jack Dylan Grazer’s every mannerism, Bill Hader is both funny and heart-rendering when needed, Isaiah Mustafa moves mountains to make the script give him some depth, and Bill Skarsgard is again incredible as Pennywise -- but there’s also not an actor who isn’t horribly, horribly maligned by the script. Jessica Chastain, an actress of tremendous power and presence, is given next to nothing to do or say. more thought and care is given to Stephen King’s cameo as a shop owner than the role of Henry Bowers.
the film has its moments. Richie and Eddie are a delight, and the monster design and practical effects are again top of the line. it’s just a painful shame that so much talent and craft, the skills of the incredible artists and designers, the hard work of the enthusiastic and engaged cast and the intricacy of the sets are wasted on a movie that has no direction, no idea where it’s going and no point to make about anything.
also, it’s pretty fucking galling for a movie to continually make jokes about how despised a writer’s endings are only for it to take the far better ending of the book and discard it for something so ridiculous it was a strain not to laugh in the theatre.
It: Chapter 2 has no reason to be as bad as it is, but all the goodwill in the world can’t save a story this fragile, this pointless, and that refuses to engage with any of the subject it brings up to this degree. It wants us to take it very seriously indeed, but there’s nothing here to latch onto; this movie is someone screaming ‘oh the horror’ in a beautiful room filled with set dressings that crumble to ash.
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Let Boys Love Girl Things
For a deeply depressed, angry, and vitriolic bisexual 20-something who stumbled out of a toxic 2-year intensive college program confused as fuck about his gender and hurting everyone around him, it is with no exaggeration that I say My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic’s low-key stakes, warmth, humour, kindness, and utter lack of cynical irony was my first step on the road not only to recovery but coming even sort of close to having an accord with my identity. So I quite frankly I am exhausted that I have spent nine years being judged on the behaviour of a fandom group from 4chan.
Nine years ago there was a gross perpetuation of toxic masculinity where men were ridiculed en-masse for liking a “girl’s show,” a campaign of derision that only intensified as the worst elements of 4chan gave everyone the evidence they seemed to want to justify their snap-judgement that boys liking girls shows was fundamentally weird, gross, and worthy of censure.
We like to clap ourselves on the back for how woke we are now. There’s no discourse that says it is “skeevy” that men enjoy She-Ra, and petulant MRAs on Reddit getting upset about the show’s new ‘feminist’ agenda is considered to be representative of nothing other than petulant MRAs on Reddit, not the She-Ra fandom as a whole. Steven Universe is triumphed everywhere as a victory for better masculinity - without anyone ever noting that Steven would love every single moment of My Little Pony: FiM. He’d cry at the wedding, and he’d weep at the destruction of the library, and he’d think the Storm King was an effective villain while Connie rolled her eyes and tried and failed to point-out the weak characterization. Steven would cheer and cry every time a villain was redeemed through the power of love and friendship. Because he’s Steven, and he loves schmaltz, and it’s okay for a boy to like schmaltz.
If we truly believe that, as we say we do, it’s time let the habit of shaming boys who liked a cartoon show go. It’s been a decade.
Yes: MLP: FiM had a disgusting contingent of its fandom. You know what other franchise has that problem? A little film series you might have heard of called Star Wars. A contingent of Star Wars fandom was so racist it drove actors of colour off of twitter because it piled hate upon them. It was so misogynistic that somebody out there recut the entirety of The Last Jedi so that men save the day and all the women get reduced to bit parts. And yet if I see a Star Wars avatar my first assumption generally isn’t “oh you like Star Wars, so you must therefore be a misogynistic racist.” Because statistically speaking, you aren’t - just like, statistically speaking, the men who liked My Little Pony weren’t 4chan users. Not that most people bothered to find that out, because - shockingly - the worst elements had loud voices and got all the press, and the standard we applied to them was so entrenched in patriarchy that none of us wanted to accept that men could like the girls show without it being some gross violation of the proper order.
I’m tired of that. The show’s been on nine years - long enough that kids who grew up watching it are old enough to start entering “The Discourse Space,” and what kind of example do we want to set for them that a show that might have meant so much to them growing up is given a defacto label of deviancy?
”Adult males like this show about the little kiddie ponies - that’s so creepy.”
There’s a point I want to make here that I think really needs to be said so I am going to make it large
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a show for children; it is not a show about children.
What do I mean by this? Adventure Time is the story of Finn, a 12-year-old. Steven Universe is a show about Steven Universe, a 12-year-old. Ok K.O. is a show about K.O. a 6-11 year-old. Avatar: The Last Airbender is about a group of kids aged 11-14. She-Ra is a show about Adora who is… 16-ish? 17? And so on.
MLP:FiM is a show about 20-somethings. It’s a show about a grad student, a small business owner, a baker, a farmer, an environmental technician, a… trust fund baby?*... and, later, a former dictator. Yes, there are some kid characters, but the primary cast are all young adults who’ve reached adulthood and found themselves having to learn over and over again all sorts of shit they really ought to have known by now but don’t. It is, in short, a story about Millennials: an entire generation who reached adulthood not knowing what that meant or how to cope. Every time you laugh at the characters and go “how do they not know this [obvious thing that is obvious to adults]” you do so while watching a children’s cartoon rather than paying your taxes because you’re still not sure how to do that properly and are just low-key freaking out about it and hoping the problem goes away on its own. I speak from experience. The list in endless: we might ridicule the ponies ignorance at social graces, but i’ve been on this hellsite long enough that I’m pretty sure most of you are social-anxious neurotics who cock-up just as often and just as spectacularly as any pony on the show.
I’ve grown up in-sync with these characters. I’ve seen them go from floundering at 20 to sorta getting their act together and coming to grips with adult life as they reach 30. I’ve seen them become successful, get new jobs, start new careers. There have been episodes about how to deal with parents who embarrass you, how to get your parents to understand that you’re an adult now and want to be treated that way. There str stories about how to handle deadbeat older brothers who won’t stop mooching off your emotional labour, and how to mourn parents who’ve died. There are also stories about the byzantine nature of school regulation. (If next season is all about Twilight Sparkle reforming the Equestrian tax code it will be entirely in keeping with the adult-life-trend the show has been on for a while.)
My point with all this is that the “liking the kid’s show” narrative is disingenuous in the way it frames fans as creepy. To get tu quoque about it all I could raise my hand and point at all you adults gushing about all these kid protagonists in your favourite cartoon shows and go “Isn’t that CREEPY and GROSS you DEVIANTS” and on and on and on.
But I won’t.
Because it was never really about that, was it? It’s never been about that.
It was, at first, about what it was and wasn’t okay for boys - for men - to like. As a kid who’d been mercilessly bullied for being even the tiniest bit effeminate, openly embracing the fact that I liked this show about the colourful cartoon ponies felt like painting a target on my back. As for the boys younger than me - the boys still in high school in 2010 and 2011 who openly embraced this show? Braver than any US marine. When this all started it was about policing what was ‘appropriate’ for boys - nobody gave the adult Transformers fandom the same kind of shit, I assure you. It was about patriarchy - and how unwilling we all were to let go of it, no matter how progressive we told ourselves we were. Just like any moral panic, it developed a far more disturbing tone of disapprobation because if a handful of fans on 4chan were creepy than surely all the fandom was creepy. I’ve had plenty of fun mail in my inbox as people with cartoon avatars told me my opinion was invalid because I had an avatar from a different cartoon show. If I had an MP avatar that made me a “brony,” which made me a creepy MRA edgelord. Never mind that I don’t even use the term, and haven’t since… well, since the grossest elements of 4chan got it tattooed on their phalluses and trumpeted it to the heavens as the calling card of their misogyny.
There was a moment, I think, back in the halcyon days of 2010 and 2011 where we could have taken this another way. Where, socially, the rise of boys watching ‘the girl’s show’ was treated as a breakthrough, as a paradigm shift, as something to be celebrated and nurtured instead of something to revile like an anti-homosexual PSA from the 1950s. “Can’t let the adult men near that children’s show, who knows what might happen. They might repeat the trends that all fandoms have done for decades upon decades - the horror!”
We could have been better - but we weren’t. We mocked, and clutched our pearls, and looked appalled, and in doing so we fed the trolls all the ammunition they’d ever need to turn themselves into The Poor Oppressed Babies who just wanted to be left alone to watch their ponies and belittle women in peace. So the gender-questioning bi boy trying to feel good about himself got rounded-up with the usual 4chan suspects because we both enjoyed the same television program.
Patriarchy is not an external force with its boot upon our necks: it is a collaborative social effort, reinforced both consciously and sub-consciously every day. The internet of the early 2010s was a very different place, and the decisions we made then still live with us today. If we want to stop the perpetuation of toxic masculinity, we have to ourselves cease to perpetuate it. There’s an entire generation of queer boys and non-binary boys and non-bro cis-boys - the kind who cry and care and give a shit about kindness - who have grown up on Steven Universe and Adventure Time and yes, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. These are boys who deserve to have a better place prepared for them than I had, one that isn’t still littered by the baggage of all the dumb stupid crap from 2010 and 2011.
It’s time to let the ghost of Toxic 4chan Fandoms Past go already, and let this show about cartoon ponies be free to entertain and delight without incurring a moral inquisition. Life is so bad right now, the news is so dire. Curl up with My Little pony: Friendship is Magic and let all its goodness, and kindness, and laughter, and caring carry you away and remind you that we can still tell stories about worlds in which those virtues are treasured. Let the show stand on its actual merits, and not the cultural lodestones of long-gone reprobates. And stop granting the phantoms of 4chan the power to say anything meaningful in 2019.
_________________
*Serious question: what does Fluttershy do for a living? Like, as her job? For most of the series? She’s the only one who doesn’t have a meaningful career, and after meeting her enabling parents you just know she’s been living off pre-existing savings for years (she’s thrifty like that).
[Note: this post was originally posted in this thread. It has since been re-edited and slightly modified.]
#my little pony#my little pony: friendship is magic#MLP#MLP FiM#steven universe#connie maheswaran#adventure time#4chan#patriarchy#gender roles#bisexuality#She-Ra#Avatar#Avatar the last airbender#atla#Adora#Fin the human#OK KO#K.O.#brony#bronies#twilight sparkle#fluttershy#rainbow dash#rarity#pinkie pie#applejack#starlight glimmer#millenials#long post
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A Guide to Venus Retrograde 💔❤️ Part 1
1st House 💋
I COMMIT to RADICAL SELF-CARE
When Venus goes retrograde in the sign the 1st house a main theme is SELF-ESTEEM. Venus rules love in the 1st house it rules SELF-LOVE. I also call the 1st house the arena of THE SACRED BODY TEMPLE. It is not a common perception to view ones body as a temple of Goddessence, housing a piece of infinite Spirit but that is exactly what it is! Venus retrograde in this area brings up opportunities to shift to this focus. The 1st house is one of the rulers of the physical body and FEELINGS about the body so any type of medical or other health issue, including mental health, can be brought up.
It is possible that the crisis could bring the need for help from outside ones self but ultimately there is serious “inner work” that has to be done, that no-one else can do for us.
The 1st house represents very early childhood, so very often there is birth trauma and/or the addressing of a serious incident or experience that negatively affected the person when they were very small - like a divorce, move, death or other departure of someone close, major financial or other issues dealt with or experienced by parents, etc.
Children are imprinted with the energetic themes their mother was experiencing while in the womb and beyond. Often deep issues will find more clarity and resolution by an evaluation of what ones mother was experiencing when they were in the womb and very young. The 1st house rules not only our self-image but also what we put out into the world - how others see us. Venus retrograde in this area of life can often bring a reexamination of how we are putting ourselves out into the world. This can be about vocation, “what we call ourselves” related to work - “I am an accountant, waitress, etc.” Many people never had or eventually lose connection with they way people know them. Often people know others through their work.
This transit can bring sudden or increasing dissatisfaction for work or some other way we are putting ourselves out into the world. Feeling stuck or overwhelmed when one realizes how entrenched they are in their image is a common experience during this transit. Reevaluation of appearance (wardrobe, hairstyle/color, etc.) is very commonly brought up during Venus retrograde through the 1st house.
Remember the theme of retrogrades as not being a time to ACT on the reevaluation! Doing something like “window-shopping” or researching for stores or other resources for looking for new wardrobe additions is better indicated than actually buying anything, unless you are in a situation where you won’t miss the money if you no longer like the garments after the transit passes. It is fine to go through old clothes and make piles to release of things you no longer resonate with but there is caution here that you could get rid of things you turn out to wish you hadn’t.
So the best idea is make the piles and put them aside somewhere (garage or somewhere out of the way) until you can check back in when the energies shift. An idea of how to use the retrograde energy in a safe way with no regret is to look through magazines (don’t spend too much on them or be too excessive this, though!) and cut out styles, sources, etc. for things that you resonate with. You can also create a board through Pinterest to hold your new visions until the energies are clear to see what sticks. You may find you return back to some styles or fashion/beauty related interest from your past, or the past/retro styles.
The 2nd House 🛍
I choose NOW to be SMART with MONEY
Venus rules the 2nd house is there is more oomph to a retrograde in this house. When Venus moves retrograde in this placement earned income, spending habits, values, financial priorities, sustainability, material assets and priorities, and security are the areas of focus. Venus retrograde could bring a decrease in income and/or an increase in income returning in a way that you made it in the past or coming from past clients or connections. Individuals relationship with money is often involved in the reevaluation process of this transit.This is a great time to do research and assessment on material things of value.
In general, the only time buying anything notable is indicated during Venus retrograde is:
If it’s really inexpensive
You’re getting a “Smoking Hot Deal”
You’re not going to miss the money
Or, it doesn’t matter if you hate what you bought at the end of the Venus retrograde, because it is of no consequence to you.
Making purchases like this can be good if:
You’re spending wisely and not wildly
If you’re sure you’re not going to regret the expense
If you’re one of those people who has the disposable income and you buy something you end up not liking and you just put it way or give it away when you’re done with it. It’s fine and it’s no big deal.
But you may find that it just might not turn out the way you thought it would and for lot of people that’s a big deal when they’re spending money on something.
Some questions you can proactively address during this transit or that may come up naturally as a product of the transit:
Do you have a budget?
Is it working for you?
Are you in debt?
Are your financial circumstances sustainable?
Are you saving money? If not, why not, and should you start? How can you start?
Are you wasting money?
Do you want to have more luxuries? Are you willing to trade the time and resources for living more opulently? Is the trade off for more money worth the time and other resources and sacrifices you may have to make?
Do you want to live more simply? How can you streamline your efforts to have more of a ‘simple abundance’?
How are you making money? Do you enjoy it? Is it worth the sacrifices being made? Is there a better way?
What can I do now to ensure my future security? What steps can I take to improve my financial picture?
Just as with our self-esteem, our money mindset is imprinted from our parents and other caregivers and circumstances when we were young. That doesn’t mean it always translates exactly the same is it did/is for our parents, sometimes we create the opposite based on decisions we make from our early experiences.
“You have to work hard/way too much to get by”
“You can’t see your family much if you are going to appropriately ensure their financial security”
“You can’t do what you love and earn a good living from it”
and countless other plagues we have picked up from our predecessors! No blame to assign, just an understanding of the imprint, where it comes from and the need to address it.
The 3rd House 💐
I spill LOVE with every thought, every look, every word
The 3rd house is the ruler of communication so when Venus moves through this area one topic that will frequently pop up is communication as it relates to work/income and love/relationships.
Most people communicate according to their astrological wiring, as well as how they were imprinted during their upbringing. Often neither of these ways of communicating are getting the person what they want. This transit will likely bring up 'weak links' as it relates to communication of every kind. Devices that we use to communicate are also covered here so questions about HOW we are using devices/our relationship with them, will likely come up. The 3rd house relates to cousins, sibling, aunts, uncles, etc. (basically relatives that aren't parents or kids).
Topics of communication, financial connections or interactions, or any other aspect of these relationships are likely to come up now. Sometimes opportunities might present with one of these relatives. It is a great time to discuss these possibilities, but usually better to wait until the transit is clear to commit. If it is for something very short term, then it could have a good flow if it is naturally flowing without much work, investment, or commitment.
The 3rd house also rules the energy of mobility ~ cars, planes, bikes, boats, wheelchairs, anything that one uses to get around. Questions about/doubt cast on how we are using these modes of mobility will often come up during this time. It is a great time to do research for future purchases but better to hold off on actual purchases unless they qualify under my stipulations for making purchases during Venus retrograde
Some topics that will naturally come up or some great proactive questions to explore when Venus is retrograde in the 3rd house:
Is HOW you are communicating getting you to where you want to be at work/career? in your creative expression? in your relationships?
Are there financial opportunities with your relatives (including step-relatives), especially siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins?
How are you spending money as it relates to your devices for communication - phones, tablets, computers, etc?
How are you using your communication devices? would learning about HOW to use them better, more efficiently, more lucratively assist you in your bigger visions?
How are spending/using money as it relates to vehicles/transportation? is there some research and/or planning to be done to put you in a more desirable situation with your transportation needs, habits, desires?
The 4th House 🌈
I look upon the past with eyes of forgiveness and a heart full of gratitude
The 4th house is all about home and family. Childhood events are likely to come up as echoes from the past, for better and worse. Real estate, design, and other things related to homes are very likely to come up, as well. A common way I have seen this come up is a family real estate issue, like an inheritance or other family asset that there is consideration to sell. It is a great time to research property values, do inspections, assessments, etc. but if you are the one holding the property, it is not advisable to sell it during this transit as often you are not seeing clearly about the value of the asset and will likely wish you held on to it or sold it for more.
For buyers with cash or very secure finances, many good investments can be found at this time. Sometimes people get the urge to renovate at this time. It is not well-indicated to do this because you aren’t seeing clearly as it relates to spending money and the aesthetic aspect of design. Many a person has a spent a bundle on design projects during this transit only to fall out of resonance with their choices after the transit passes. It is a fine time to research anything about a future renovation or design project, though.
Lost love can also return to your home, like a lover or spouse to live with you. For those with relationships that are intact, the retrograde can return the ‘magic’ back to the relationship. Venus retrograde will definitely test relationships so if there are weak links, they will likely come up to be worked with again. Most of these issues stem from issues with parents and caregivers in childhood. The 4th house also relates directly to mother (although occasionally I have seen something with Dad show up here), so things involving your mother, your relationship to her, your experience as a mother yourself, etc. may come up to be worked with. During this time doing simple and inexpensive things to home to improve aesthetics but no big money or big decisions. Clearing out and reorganizing is better indicated than new purchases.
Some questions you can proactively address during or that may naturally come up during Venus retrograde through the 4th house:
How is my childhood effecting/limiting/accentuating my current relationship?
Where can I apply forgiveness, for the sake of my own health and happiness? For the sake of others?
Does a family member need me? How can I have a healthy relationship and find balance while giving help?
Do I need help from a family member/member of my household? How can I be fair and balanced with what I need help with and honor myself and the other person?
How can I create more coherence in my home space?
How can I make money from past investments involving homes/houses/family money?
P2//P3
#source:#https://www.anniehelpsyou.com/blog/item/73-your-definitive-guide-to-venus-retrograde-series-aries-the-1st-house#venus retrograde#2nd house transit#4th house transit#3rd house transit#1st house transit#astrology post
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I hope there's not a question limit per ask lol... Paint it Black: 3, 4, 5, 11, 12, 14 and 15 (or as many of those as you feel like answering lol)
Okay, two things.
A. Of *course* there’s no ask limit. I am an attention whore and will talk all day if you encourage me. Ask away!!
B. WTF tumblr? When I reposted that, it was a paragraph basically saying “ask about my fic!”, but now there are NUMBERED QUESTIONS? What? Where was the second half of that post when I came across it in my dash?
ANSWERS
3. What’s your favourite line of narration?
Oh geez. How the hell am I going to answer that? I have favourite lines per chapter, I have favourite lines per scene! Each part I’m reading at any given moment happens to be my favourite. Every time I reread it, I find something new... and... maybe I suck for saying this... but I think “you’re a fucking genius”, then I get all sad, because I think that was probably one of the last great things I’ll write. I’ve been going downhill ever since... but anyways, to seriously answer your question, I’ll give a few examples...
- That face off scene between Regina and Snow, where Snow claims her father was a good man and Regina answers “To you!”, the entire scene is charged and emotional and brings up so much shit between them that was never explored in canon.
- The flashback of Emma’s tenth birthday (technically collectively, all of the flashbacks, really. They’re angsty as fuck, but so formative in their characterisation that sometimes I forget they’re not actually canon). I have this habit of tearing Emma down to her bare bones and then trying to build her up again. I actually do this with most of my main female characters, and I do apologise for that Buffy, Kaylee, Veronica, Emma, and Alex. You all deserve so much better than me.
- The scene where Regina is alone in the castle and revisits the old chamber of Leopold’s. It’s hard to read but that is some weird little cathartic release right there. There is some great imagery that I don’t think many people allow Regina when it comes to her healing. Everybody tends to go the “being married to Leopold was a BAD THING” route, without ever really exploring the day to day soul destroying aspect of it. The reality of being the King’s prisoner wife. But giving her the ability and strength to revisit it, so she can finally acknowledge to herself how damaging it was, to close herself off from it both literally and figuratively, and then to be self aware enough to compare that situation to the one she has Emma in. That is empowerment.
- The parallel scenes of Emma and Henry at the start and the end of the fic. The first being when Henry is so adamant to rescue Emma and curse everyone again just to take them back... and the last where you can see how much indoctrinated he is into the fairy tale land, how much he is drifting from “our world” being the real one, to the fairy tale land being his reality, and how his morality has shifted... but then... he also brings it back by getting vulnerable and shows his concern not just for Emma but for Regina... which also shows great advancement from the child like black/white morality of good vs evil he begins with to an acceptance of a more adult grey-area morality, his willingness to examine the facts and the truth to make up his mind.
All the minor characters... Nancy (sweet, voiced Nancy), and Miss Edith (poor Miss Edith), Rachel, all the little characters that had such minor parts, but had such great effects in the lives of our main characters.
Oooh, writing Rumple was fun. I got to write him as nobody really does. As that creepy reptilian imp from the first few flashbacks in S1. Before they really woobified him. The hysteric giggling, maniacal creature who smelled the air and exuded pure malice. It was really enjoyable writing him like that.
Well, this went terribly off topic... anyway, yes, flashback scenes and confrontation scenes, be they between Snow and Regina, Emma and Regina, Regina and Maleficent, Emma and Snow, Emma and Henry... it’s in emotion that the true power of the fic lives.
4. What’s your favourite line of dialogue?
oh, this is harder than the first. It would take me ages to reread this fic (and now I most likely am, thanks) to really go through it and cherry pick my favourites. But, if a line has happened to truly hit home and resonate with you as a reader, it most likely did the same for me. I remember quite a few times writing this fic, thinking “holy fuck!” and knowing, just knowing, that it was definitely the line to write.
5. What part was the hardest to write?
The first two chapters. Up until the pivotal moment where Regina heals Emma, those were difficult to write and definitely difficult to read. I’ve had many readers tell me they were about to give up, bc it was too much torture porn to enjoy, but that moment specifically was a turning point for them because it built up the trust that I could and would reign Regina in beyond the point of no forgiveness or return.
11. What do you like best about this fic?
I liked writing it.
It took me to some pretty intense places. Fic writing, for me, has always been a form of therapy. I work through to some pretty intense fucking emotions through the angst of it all. Like, no, I have never been magically transported to a fairy tale land, collared, enslaved, and held against my will for the sake of my family and community’s lives... but if you look deeper in my life at the time, I had just been through a pretty horrific pregnancy that nearly killed me, my spouse and I separated, and I was left ill, recovering, and a single mother of a toddler and infant. I felt like I was being ripped apart from all angles, forced into a live of servitude for the betterment of everyone around me at the cost of myself. Even, though, like Emma, I didn’t blame them, it was still a period of mourning and loss.
I didn’t realise it at the time. This revelation happened years later when rereading the fic and trying to see where all the emotions had been coming from. It happens a lot with some of my more intense, dramatic, and (strangely enough) most popular fics. I don’t always see the correlation to my life at the time, but if I look back I can generally trace the rationality behind what my muse was trying to work through.
12. What do you like least about this fic?
The polarisation. The controversy. That fucking chapter fucking four. I still cannot reread that chapter without having to take a step back and breathe. That scene has some good imagery, but even now sometimes I just skip it. It’s not worth the shakes or unease or... ugh, just thinking about it upsets me.
I made a mistake in the tagging and I learned from it, but holy fuck was I attacked at the time and used as a sacrifical cow to the radfems. It was, honestly, surprising to me. Not only the reaction, but the harshness of it, all the accusation and personal attacks aimed at me.
I mean, I knew the fic was always going to be confronting to some. It dealt with some pretty hard issues and subject matter. I had warned for all the violence and non/dub con. But... I didn’t expect or prepare for the backlash in including a male, even if the male used was... just used... and never actually amounted to anything more than a tool for Regina to control/bind/further entrench Emma to her own will in one scene.
I, very naively, went into it thinking “surprise!”, and that an almost canon past pairing that was heavily explored in the actual show would not be controversial in the least. More fool me, I suppose. I definitely went back to re-tag it, I apologised. I am not sure what else I could have done, but to this day this fic is held up as an example of queer baiting and everything wrong with false lesbianism. And it is definitely used as an example by biphobic people as to why bisexual women cannot be trusted as we’re all “really straight women at heart”.
To be fair, I never explicitly labelled the fic as “lesbian”. I begin all my fics (no matter how AU or ‘out there’) from a canon stand point. Meaning, everything that happened in the show up to that point counts. Which includes every prior relationship both Emma and Regina had been in up to the Season One finale. Which, surprise, were with men!!
14. Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?
I don’t know if there’s anything they should ‘learn’, but I definitely hope readers realise that this is in NO WAY AN EXAMPLE OF A HEALTHY BDSM RELATIONSHIP. It is not meant to be a guide, a ‘how to’, or a ‘goal’. This is an incredibly fucked up way for two already fucked up characters, to find some kind of semblance of existence in a world/s stacked up against them from the very start. I didn’t think I needed to state that out loud, but apparently I had to. Many times.
If not that... then definitely I hope perhaps some of the writing made people think about the characters more in depth, or differently, that it gave the reader a new way of thinking about the show and the storylines/characters in it.
15. What did you learn from writing this fic?
Tagging. Tagging fucking matters. Tag properly. Like, just do it.
In all seriousness, though... I think I learned a lot about my own trauma.
I also think my writing developed throughout the fic. There is a definite shift from the first two chapters... you can definitely see where it became less of a short one off smutty fic set up and more of an in depth angsty character exploration of the soul kinda thing.
I learned about set up and development and bringing in stray bits of plot development later in the story to tie up loose ends.
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I firmly believe that the window washing business has a tremendous amount of advantages over other businesses.
I've been in a number of businesses as many of you probably have, and when making the comparisons between window washing and some
of the other lame businesses out there, you have to admit that window washing comes up smelling like roses.
BUT...us window washers will still face challenges.
And I'm not talking about the challenge of cleaning a window. Anybody can get a window clean with a little elbow grease and the proper tools.
No, I'm referring to the ability to clean windows and market your business at the same time. This is the ultimate juggling act.
If you stop marketing your business for any length of time, it's only a matter of time before calls from interested prospects dry up, and consequently, so does your calender.
I saw it happen very recently with a guy who had a good 3 weeks of window cleaning jobs lined up. He used every marketing
technique outlined in my manual How to Start Your Own Residential Window Washing Business. He lined up all kinds of jobs. But then he decided to focus his attention only to window cleaning, not to marketing. Oops.
To make a long story short, after that 3 week spurt of business, he woke up one day to find no customers on his calender, so he essentially had to start over. Now of course, he'll have those customers to come back to again and again on a repeat basis, but I'm talking about right now having gaps on the schedule which really shouldn't be there.
And it's harder and more time consuming to start over then it is to just keep the gravy train rolling.
Let me explain with a couple of stories.
--Master motivator Zig Zigler talked about "starting over" in one of his speeches I heard recently. He used the analogy of one of those old fashioned Wells you may be familiar with.
These types of Wells have big 'ole handles you need to crank in order to draw water from the Well.
When first wanting water, you have to really pump fast and furious. But once you have a constant stream of water coming out, then it just takes a little pressure on the pump handle to keep it going. The hard work was already done at the beginning. BUT...don't stop. Because the water will go all the way to the
bottom if you do, and you'd have to start all over again with serious pumping action.
--The people who I've helped get into the window washing business have heard me talk about when I was in the Insurance business. One of the things I used to do at the beginning of my insurance career was actually shut down my marketing efforts during Thanksgiving week and not crank it up again until after the last college football bowl game was played at the beginning of January.
I just sat around for six or seven weeks or so getting fat on all the Holiday goodies, and alhough it was great just kicking back
on my little mini-vacation, come the beginning of January, I had to start all over again generating interest, making phone calls,
following up, setting appointments, etc.
Which means that I didn't see the fruits of January's labor until March or so as far as having a full calender of appointments again and banking commissions.
I mention the above couple of stories just to illustrate a point, and that is simply that we can't back off or let up. Because if we do, we could find ourselves with some unwanted vacancies on our schedule. And this is especially true if you're relatively new to the window cleaning biz.
But that's the challenge. Like the person above who had 3 weeks of window washing jobs. How in the world do you wash windows and
still market your biz?
The short answer to this is that we need to learn to prioritize and incorporate effective time management principles.
I know, I know. Pretty elementary stuff here, but it really is critical to master them.
One of my most successful students is a guy that plans his entire day around a 2 hour marketing window where he'll distribute flyers, coordinate a postcard campaign, talk to other service
businesses, talk to realtors, talk to property managers, talk to builders, visit commercial storefronts, or any number of other things on the marketing agenda.
Time doesn't permit everything above to be done within that two hour time frame obviously, but he'll pick one, maybe two strategies he wants to use that day, and then do 'em.
The 2 hours may be at the beginning of the day or the end of the day, or it may be one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon. That doesn't matter. What does matter is that he'll take ACTION and expose his marketing message for 2 hours each day to prospects.
Mike truly understands that we have no business without customers, so he sits down at night and jots down the next day's marketing goals on a "to do" list. This is as basic as it gets, but hey...it works.
And this is confirmed when he calls and we talk about the fact that prospects are calling (many times as we're talking, we'll be interrupted a couple of times by his phone ringing) and his calender is filled up with window washing jobs.
By doing this, and committing to it on paper, the challenge of finding prospects is null and void. Like my 'ole sales manager used to say, "if you talk to enough people, you've got to make sales".
In my case, I used to take one whole day and part of another to do what Mike does every day.
I generally preferred to do my window washing estimating on Friday, and Friday morning was when my business breakfast was held where business owners got together and supported each other with leads and referrals.
Since I figured I was already dressed up in nice company clothes (polo shirt/dockers) instead of my window washing work clothes,
I figured I may as well make that my main marketing day, so I mapped out a schedule on Thursday night of who to see and talk to
on Friday in addition to the estimates I was scheduled to do.
That doesn't mean I didn't do any marketing during the week. Postcards were a big part of my biz, so if I was ready for a mailing, there was always time during the week to place a 5 minute phone call to my direct mail house and tell Dick to send
out a mailing to zone such and such.
And Saturday morning was pretty much reserved for me to go out with 2 to 4 neighborhood kids and blanket subdivisions with flyers.
As an example of what you could do, if you're scheduling a job, schedule it at 10 or 11 and then head out at 9:00 to:
--introduce yourself to 5 realtors and give them your business card.
--quickly drop off 25 flyers to commercial storefronts. In/out/next.
--visit 3 other service businesses to see if they would be interested in getting together to promote each of your businesses. (I know of one guy who formed his own leads type of organization since there were none in his town)
And then the next day, jot down other things you can do, or repeat the above. At the end of the week, you'll not only feel like you accomplished something, but more importantly, you'll be creating tremendous awareness for your company, which of course, leads to more phone calls, more business, and more moolah in your pocket!
The above is not hard, and when looked at daily, they're just little things, but it's the little things you do every single day
that will determine your ultimate success, not the one big thing that we might do every 2 or 3 weeks.
Now the good news is that over time, we can all drastically decrease our marketing "to do" lists.
The first two years of my business was hustle, bustle, hustle bustle. Every form of marketing that could be used was used. After about two years though, guess what? The pump was primed
hard enough during the early stages, I then just had to apply a tiny bit of continuous marketing (it never can stop completely), kick back, get the phone calls, fill up the calender, and
coordinate my window washing crews. All the fun stuff.
Just remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. An initial burst of massive action is excellent because it generates immediate dollars and gets you entrenched into the biz, but mark-
eting needs to be sustained over time if you're looking for long term success.
Experts have said that once we do something for 21 days, it becomes a habit. I don't know about the 21 days part, but I do know if we do something long enough, it'll simply become second nature to us.
So...there are many challenging pieces to the window washing business. Prioritize the implementation of those pieces by creating yourself a simple "to do" list (Hint-place marketing at the top), incorporate time management into making that list work, and repeat on a regular basis.
Lather
Rinse
Repeat
If you do that, then the snowball of window washing customers that I refer to in my manual will gather up speed. And when that starts to happen, you may as well get out of the way because there ain't nothing you can do to stop it. :o)
To your window washing success,
Steve
256-546-2446
Steve Wright is the author of How to Start Your Own Residential Window Washing Business, and has started hundreds of individuals on the path to success in their own window washing business. Mr. Wright has also developed a revolutionary online web-based system called The Customer Factor to assist all window washing business owners in maintaining and growing a successful business. Using both of these resources provides the one-two punch needed to catapult anyone from zero to six figures per year in the window washing business. For more information, give Mr. Wright a call at 256-546-2446 or visit either of the websites posted.
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Steve_Wright/6268
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/75407
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To those whom I’ve disappointed and to those to whom I am disappointing...
On Monday I demonstrated that common sense, good judgment, and I are not always the best friends. I learned about a social event that I was not involved in, and I felt hurt, left out, emotionally neglected and replied out of pain.
I hurt others in a moment of weakness, and for that, I apologize and ask forgiveness.
For me, one of the most iconic images of the 90s was a clip from Blind Melon’s “No Rain” video. In it, a little girl in a bee costume is ridiculed after a dance performance, and spends the song wandering the street…again facing derision and ridicule from strangers. Then, at one point in the song, she sees a gated field. In it, she sees others in bee costumes, dancing around. She pushes through the gate and joyously cavorts—having found “her” people.
I’ve come to define these moments of social connection “bee girl” moments. Most of us have them—especially in the furry fandom.
Like most, I was interested in anthropomorphic animals since I was a child. After reading The Wind in the Willows in third grade, I wanted to join that created family of Rat, Mole, Toad, and Badger. In the mid 80s, I saw Animalympics on HBO until I knew the songs by heart. Likewise, seeing Rock and Rule on the Movie Channel in early 1986 not only furthered my interest in anthropomorphics, but expanded my musical palate out a bit. I started collecting comic books in 1987, as quarter bins were bursting with remnants of the Black-And-White boom—many of which were anthropomorphic attempts to become the next TMNT. When I played role playing games or video games, I gravitated towards any animal-themed races, classes, or characters.
Frankly, I thought I was weird and the only one.
In December 1993, I saw a clip of an event called Confurence on the then-new Sci-Fi Channel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iodRjbBKB0k). For the first time, I knew that there were others out there like me…that I wasn’t alone.
Florida State University, like many universities in the early 90s, restricted their student Internet access to engineering and computer science students. If you weren’t in one of those disciplines, the assumption was that you didn’t need to access the Internet. Of course, once I’d seen the Internet, that didn’t stop me. I’d learned a little UNIX trick that allowed me to access a raw Telnet in 1992, but I didn’t know what USENET was until January of 1994, when FSU began selling Garnet accounts to students—a basic Internet account with Telnet, email, a few other early 90s goodies, and USENET access. One Friday night, as I was diving through the sea of alt and soc groups, I found one called alt.fan.furry. The group was buzzing about an event called “Confurence” which was happening that weekend in Orange County, California.
I had my “bee girl” moment. I soaked up every zine I could find. Alt.fan.furry was my new hangout. I had an account on Furrymuck and explored more.
I felt like I belonged somewhere. I made a trip in January 1995 to Confurence Six and soon connected with virtual friends.
I wanted to get more involved. I wanted to give back. I didn’t want to just be a passive fandom participant. I put my art out there—though I knew I would be mocked and ridiculed for my lack of skill (I was). I started the first openly gay furry zine, Ten Furcent, in 1995.I published a comic book, Milikardo Knights, in 1997. In 1999, when Ed Zolna’s Mailbox Books folded, I was one of several who tried to open a zine distribution business to fill the void—mine having been Bronzebear Media. And in 2001, I founded Florida’s first furry con, Furry Spring Break, which folded after an internal coup in late 2001 and became an event you may be familiar with today.
Yet while most (sane and rational) people would have denounced the fandom and moved on, if not taken up ranks with folks like the Burned Furs (whose ranks were pretty much filled with fandom failures who could not adapt to the growing and changing nature of the fandom and began pre-Trump cries of “take back our fandom!”) and becoming toxic and bitter fandom saboteurs, I stayed in to help how I could. I involved myself with the staff of events like Mephit Furmeet, Furry Weekend Atlanta, and Midwest Furfest.
In 2011, I took a break. I finally realized after a social breakdown that I was grinding metal and stepped away. I’d moved to North Carolina in the wake of the Great Recession, and I decided to focus on my career. Thus, for years, I was the guy at the Triangle Area Furries meets who stood off to the sides and only chatted with one or two trusted friends, as I licked my metaphorical wounds from the 90s and 00s.
But I never quit, I never left, I never got bitter, and I never tried to sabotage the fandom. For me, furry fandom was my family. You don’t abandon family because of a few toxic relatives. Like the odd cousin at the family gathering, I just stepped away a bit because the obnoxious aunts and uncles had finally taken their toll.
In 2015, I finally got some forward motion on my career and returned to fandom activities, with MFF 15 being my first con back since 2010. In the summer of 2016, I thought about the fact that there were no cons or large “destination” events in or around Raleigh, in spite of the large community. I talked to an old friend, and in early July 2016, Tarpaw Furmeet was born. We staged a “practice” event in November 2016, which then gave way to events that grew in May and October of 2017. As they grew, we eventually had a staff, with whom I started to bond. People were friendly to me at the Triangle Area Furries events and actually started to talk to me.
I actually thought that I was “in,” but got blindsided by my social eagerness, as several of you now know.
To really get this, you need to understand a little of my history and romp through some trauma baggage. I was in a family with two emotionally abusive parents. I not only heard the constant barrage of how I was “not good enough” from both, but during their divorce, each specialized their skills by projecting their spousal loathing onto my brother and I.
My mother played the diehard Christian card, completely modernizing the “spare the rod, spoil the child” concept by making my brother and I draft up “contracts” that opened with “PAIN + FEAR = RESPECT” then laid out multiple violation clauses. Usually, the clauses in these contracts varied by my mother’s mood and often had a bad habit of doing so when she’d had a bad day at work.
My father, meanwhile, decided to simply deploy a forever-scarring tactical nuke on a school morning in early 1981. As my mother was helping my brother and I dress, my father came downstairs, looked at us all and said simply “bye guys, have a nice life” before walking out the door. We knew our parents were divorcing, so my brother and I spent five minutes trying to persuade him to stay—and by “persuade” I meant that my mother held one sibling while the other sibling laid behind the tires of Dad’s Corvette, then swapped places when she would pull the other one from behind the tires. A few hours later, when I had a hysterical breakdown in my third grade classroom, neither my teacher nor principal believed me. I was sent to the office, and the principal called my father’s office to follow up on the “lie.” Upon calling my father’s office, I was told that he’d flown to Acapulco to holiday with the women he was (then) leaving my mother for. My mother at least intervened to back up the “have a nice life” story, because I had to go home since I was a basket case. Dad came back tanned and whored, and acted like nothing had happened—not even an apology.
Since then, I’ve had a nagging fear of abandonment and all purpose fear of letting people get control over me. I’ve tried to address it by simply not letting people connect to me emotionally and living a life of fierce self-sufficiency. I’ve heard “aloof” pushed on to me so many times in my life, I’d have assumed it was my name if I didn’t know better. After all, I figure, everyone leaves me eventually…so why attach to them? Likewise, my other coping mechanism is to just quit when things turned bad—a trend in my early relationships. Imagine that Kermit/Dark Kermit meme: “Things going bad in the relationship… Bail on them before they get to bail on you!” I tried to not quit a spiraling situation once. I made the mistake of entrenching on Furry Spring Break when the coup’s instigator began to get out of control in mid-2001 and fought suicidal urges for most of 2002 once I’d been ousted.
I’ve been used to being left out of things. It was the hallmark of my adolescence. When it wasn’t a point-blank, mean girls style rejection (no seriously, I got “you cant sit here” in the school lunchroom), the reasons were a bit softer on the blow. “Sorry, we just didn’t think you were interested” or “Sorry but there just wasn’t enough room for you” were the popular go-tos.
Once, when I was fourteen, I let my guards down. My father went to the “country club” church in Flint Michigan, First Pres—the one where the shi shi white people went to escape the lower classes. One afternoon, I got a call from one of the students in “the Pipe,” their Wednesday night youth group. “Hey, can you come to the meeting tonight? We’d love to have you there!”
I was beyond elated. Someone called me to come out. They wanted me out there.Me, worthless, stupid me. When my father got home from work, I told him in no uncertain terms that I had to go to church that night, for the Pipe. When I got there, people were friendly towards me. Then the meeting started. Eventually, one of the leaders came out playing “Sasha Cashachek,” a taunting (yet Christian) Russian femme fatale (it was 1986. Russians and Iranians were stock bad guys then) who was gloating that the Pipe wouldn’t make their ski trip. Eventually, we stopped for snacks, and a few people came up to me during the break.
“So we know you like to ski, and we’ve got a big weekend ski trip scheduled to (some shi shi place I can’t remember) in a month, but we need a few more people to help pay for it! Want to come?”
I told them that I’d already booked with my high school ski club on a trip to Killington, Vermont, and my dad was tapped.
“Oh.” No one talked to me as soon as I’d announced that. Not even a “goodbye” when I left.
Remember that scene in “A Christmas Story” when Ralphie learns that Little Orphan Annie’s important “secret message” was nothing more than an Ovaltine ad? I got the 80s church group version of it.
When I said no to the ski trip, I went back to either being invisible in that church group every Sunday (I never went to another Wednesday night meeting), or I existed only when I wore or did something worthy of social mockery. I never got an invite back to the Pipe.… After that, I shut down. I stopped trying.
Given that I’d taken to emotional avoidance since late childhood, I was used to it. I took jobs in college that kept me working Friday and Saturday nights, so I didn’t have to worry about feeling slighted from collegiate social events, and I always had an excuse when people felt crazy enough to ask me to do something. And as an adult, I became a hermit who spent most weekends alone, playing video games or working. I never kept friends because I didn’t think friends wanted to keep me around. I feel emotionally uncomfortable when people press me into social conversation…unless I’ve been drinking or that weird cluster of neurons has fired that say “we can trust this person Lighten up, badger.”
But I thought that things were going differently in the Triangle. I felt my guards dropping. I didn’t feel that “fuck! Fly now! Flee, fatass! Get small or invisible!” reflex when I talked to people.
So on January 1, 2018, I became aware of a New Years party via Twitter. I saw friends names. I saw friends pictures. And I didn’t even know about it. In a split second, I was caught off guard.
And I felt stupid. I felt like I’d been left out. Knowing that people there were talking about con plans, I had fears of another Furry Spring Break style coup. But most importantly I felt worthless, like I did in childhood and adolescence because I wasn’t good enough to get invited. I felt like I’d made inroads, that people liked me and wanted me around, and I felt foolish for letting my guards down. It was like finding out that the people at the Pipe only wanted me there to make a ski trip happen, and threw me aside as soon as I couldn’t help them do it.
So I made a nudging reply that my invitation must have been lost. I later vented because I felt like all I was good for was making the con happen. Then the messages started piling in…
“No one owes you anything!”
And they were right.
And that was my mistake. I own that. No one has to be my friend, and no one owes me a damned thing. I had thought that because we had bonded as a staff, because we had broken meals together at staff meetings, that I was more important than I was in the collective zeitgeist —namely, that I’d finally gone from beyond being the “creepy” guy to someone that people actually wanted to know and interact with. Again, my mistake.
As our event has grown, I’ve been mulling over the #FurryOver30 hashtag from Twitter—the reaction to an ageist movement that suggested that anyone over 30 should leave furry fandom. As of 2017, I’d been a formal part of the fandom for almost 24 years, and at 45 years old, I’d more than outlived my socially-decreed “time” by the claimants standards. Likewise, as I was pulling locals together to build this event, I remembered a friend telling me recently that I’d been described to him as “creepy” by at least one local furry in the early ‘10’s, before I stepped forward to begin building things. Despite groups in fandom who told me I didn’t belong, I actually felt like I did here—like I wasn’t just “buying” my way in by making a convention happen in the area.
I had gotten a little comfortable and let my guards down. I had thought that I’d had my “Bee Girl” moment and found my community, and that being excluded from the party was a harsh reality check. So I got angry on Twitter. I apologize for any assumptions made, and I assure folks that I’ll maintain my social distance as I keep looking for my “bee girl” moment elsewhere in the fandom.
For four days now, the people I've hurt told me how I disappointed them. That happens a lot, believe me. Just ask my parents for the last fourty-five years, so it's nothing new. If this is your first time, I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm not always going to be able to be the unflappable badger, or an unmoveable rock. I'm broken. I've been broken most of my life, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm on my way to being whole. Only to be reminded of just how very far I have to go. I'm not convinced I'll ever be whole? But I'm going to keep trying. And I'm hoping to keep trying with the those around me.
Once again, I apologize.
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What if your problems aren’t personal?
Think of your biggest personal challenge. What if it's not actually personal and the meaning you've given it is wrong?
You have an incredible mind. And one of the things it does so well is spin complicated personalized stories around every internal and external event you experience. We, as a collective of humans, have a real drive to create meaning in our lives. But often the so-called meaningful story is not only untrue but it becomes a point of personal anguish that much of our time and money is spent “figuring out”. One of the perils of our privilege is that we have the resources to flood these pain points with our time and attention. But what the world needs, and what we also dimly but chronically sense, is that the world needs us to do so much more than this. What if we’ve been wasting our time personalizing our issues and creating emotional tidal waves of distraction that prevent us from doing our best work in the world? What if the thing you struggle with isn’t personal at all? Meaning, what if it is an objective process, wholly independent from the unique experiences of your life?
Here’s an example: I have always struggled with addiction. When I was very young, maybe around 7 years old, I first remember using food in a strange way. Like sneaking into the kitchen to take a piece of white Wonder Bread, pouring Hershey’s syrup all over it, and eating it ducked beneath the kitchen cabinets so my parents couldn’t see me. As a teenager, I continued pleasure-seeking and wound up addicted to drugs and smoking, as a young adult I felt “addicted” to abusive relationships, and still the food piece has continued to be an unrelenting interloper. In my late 20’s, a therapist asked me to interrupt the drive to eat compulsively by simply grabbing a journal and writing down my feelings. I only did it once, but it was so aggravating that my journaling came out as oversized frantic chicken scratches. I was totally incensed that I was being held back from the refrigerator - even for that brief moment. I couldn’t even tell you what I was feeling. I only felt rage that I was being detained through the journaling exercise. That was an illuminating moment. Whatever the cause of my compulsive overeating was, it was deep and powerful. Unstoppable. Just like all the episodes in my life that seemed to have been concerned with the addictive part of my brain.
From there on out, I was in search of the magic therapy that would release me from the binds of addictions. I was looking for meaning. Why was I like this? What did this behavior say about me and my character? Maybe I needed more talk therapy or reiki or ancestral healing or acupuncture or a sound bath or whatever was new and woo in the world of alternative healing. Or maybe I just needed to eat more vegetables, get my hormones checked, or freaking lighten up! Throughout the myriad healing modalities, I began to weave a story that became the explanation for my behavior - that gave my behavior meaning. I was sexually abused as a child and never grieved that moment, then my parents got divorced and when I tried to get clarity from the adults they dismissed my ability to understand the situation and I began to distrust my intuition, all that led to having a low sense of self-worth, and when I wound up as a teenager who was smart, sensitive, and talented but never held accountable to live up to my potential I started to get used to playing small…. Feeling very much alone, I sought the safety of the comforting experience of pleasure. I said things like, “I need the grounding effects of food - it feels like a hug from the inside.” And besides, my Dad had an addictive personality and everyone, including myself, said I was just like him.
The meaning I gave my addictive patterns was personal - I had emotional problems related to the traumas in my life. Hereditary, ancestral, environmental.
And now I realized, partly from Susan Peirce Thompson and partly from Sam Harris - is that it could just be my brain.
What a relief to think that it’s simply the workings of almost any human brain - especially the 30% of the population that is more susceptible to being addicted. It's not my personality, it's not something I consciously cultivated. It's the reactions in my brain that make me act the way that I have. If I have an addictive brain, and I am more susceptible to addictive foods, drugs, technology, etc, and I continually seek those pleasurable, dopamine-releasing, receptor down-regulating experiences (so now I need more dopamine to feel good) that precede a state of addiction, it doesn’t mean anything other than I am having a very common experience. I have simply shaded it in my own personal shame colors because that is also just what the brain does - weaves a story, makes you feel separate, maybe even unique or misunderstood or as if you have it harder than other people - which makes it easier to continue the isolating behavior.
Same goes for you.
So what if - what if - there is just one other explanation for the reason you are “the way you are”? Just one. There could be many other reasons. Just imagine one.
After listening to Dr. Susan Peirce Thompson talk about her intense addictions to drugs and food (read her book Bright Line Eating or watch her Youtube videos to understand the science behind our brain and the addictive qualities of food), overcome them, and coach other people without any meaning-making - I sat up straight and realized that making it about anything other than biological processes is a choice. And that makes me think of all the other ways that we make meaning in our life. Think of your own shortcomings, how they have such meaning attached to them and therefore shame or guilt because you're not operating in the world the way you want to.
What if there was just another meaning? Just one other meaning that your issue could have? What if it’s due to a benign tumor? What if it’s because of the weather? If my food situation was just biology, what else in our experience might just be a biological or environmental process? What if it’s just a habit that is so well-entrenched it doesn’t even feel like there’s room for you to make a choice to do something different? This is incredibly possible in light of how little we are actually aware of in reality and the neuroanatomy of our negativity bias.
I used to say that I was an emotional eater, but I don’t say that anymore because all humans are hard-wired to avoid pain - physical or emotional. So we all self-soothe or escape the pain however we learn how to. If you learn how to soothe with a substance that delivers pleasure instead of simply contentedness or happiness (especially if you have an easily addicted brain), you’ll have a harder time stopping that behavior. You can let go of the emotional burden that swells the situation when you misunderstand the biological process and think that if you just had a stronger character you could overcome it - it isn’t about you. It’s objectively about the brain and the qualities of the substance - be it food, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, etc.
Whenever I notice that I’m having repetitive thoughts about the size of my body, I recognize that as a cue that I am distracted from what’s important. Immediately. I encourage you to do the same when you notice that you’re spending energy creating a negative emotional state around your stubborn issues. Save your mental anguish energy for literally anything else that you need energy for. And you might as well think big - the world needs your help. What important work are you avoiding? Put your energy there.
I take a group of women through a year of personal transformation. Interested in joining us? Apply here.
#blog#habits#ayuerveda#personal growth#personal development#yoga#susan peirce thompson#meditation#healing health#mindfulness#mindful#mindful living#identity#transformation
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The Legendary Rosalind “Razor” Sharpe
Caption: “Rosalind Sharpe... mother, lawyer... gun owner... the last not being that great a surprise when you consider just what kind of mother and lawyer this ruthless fury in Gucci is...”
[Daredevil vol. 1 #374 by Joe Kelly, Ariel Olivetti, and Ed Lazarelli]
We wanted to do a Mother’s Day-themed post, and since we’ve already highlighted Matt’s mom, Foggy’s was the next obvious choice. He was raised by his step-mother Anna Nelson, but sadly, she is all but absent from the comics. There simply isn’t enough information about her for us to write anything worth reading. However, his biological mother is a whole different story, and-- in our opinion-- one of the coolest characters in Daredevil.
Make fun of Matt all you want for conjuring an imaginary twin brother out of nowhere, but Foggy has pulled far more family members out of thin air than his partner. It takes years for Matt to learn that his friend has a sister, and even longer for him to realize that Anna Nelson is not Foggy’s birth mother. When high-powered attorney Rosalind Sharpe calls the newly-reestablished Nelson and Murdock law office with a job offer, Matt is not expecting Foggy’s emotional reaction-- or the implication that the two have met before. This takes place mere issues after Foggy’s revelation that Matt is Daredevil, so it’s amusing to see the tables turned like this. After all this time, Foggy's earned the right to have some secrets of his own.
Matt: “Listen. We have to talk about Rosalind’s offer. How well do you really know her?”
Foggy: “Oh, um... gee, not as well as I’d like to... I mean, I’ve known of her for a long time... and she is one of the top lawyers in the country! Truth is-- she’s the reason I became an attorney in the first place.”
Matt: “Really? You never mentioned that before, Foggy... never mentioned her before... Why do I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me?”
[Daredevil vol. 1 #354 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]
Rosalind’s offer is straightforward and, on the surface, pretty flattering: she wants Matt and Foggy to join her firm as junior partners. Foggy is ecstatic, his best friend less so. Rosalind is a controlling, no-nonsense person, with an iron will and sharp tongue to rival Matt’s own. The two grate on each other from the start, and Matt is less than interested in working for someone so willing and able to verbally kick his butt. However, there’s a catch to the offer: Rosalind is really only interested in Matt, and if he refuses, Foggy loses the job too. Unwilling to disappoint his friend, Matt grudgingly accepts.
Rosalind: “You two are a package deal: the Blind Barrister and the Dumpy Defender. Get too big for your britches and Foggy... fill in the blank...”
Matt: “For now, I’ll consider your counsel on this matter. I won’t make a habit of it. (Tell her off! Tell her off! Tell her off!) Thank you, Rosalind.”
Foggy: “Our senior partner just blew past me like a hurricane at a trailer park. What’d you do to get her so steamed?”
Matt: “Just a difference of opinion. Nothing a swift blow to the head wouldn’t settle...”
[Daredevil vol 1 #358 by Joe Kelly, Pascual Ferry, and Ian Laughlin]
As may be clear from this maneuvering, Foggy’s relationship with his mother is... complicated. Since this is Matt’s comic, elements of his life are reflected in the characters who surround him-- and in many ways, Rosalind’s situation is similar to Maggie’s. Like Matt’s mom, she realized soon after giving birth that being a mother wasn’t going to work for her, and so she left-- divorcing her husband and going off to pursue her legal career. In a world of media that contains so many dead mothers, it’s refreshing to see two women who the narrative has allowed to leave their children and live full, separate lives on their own.
However, unlike Maggie and Matt, Foggy and Rosalind have always been aware of each other. Rosalind has never been warm and fuzzy enough to try and reach out to her son while he was growing up, but Foggy possesses a massive amount of respect for her. This manifests in his eagerness to work with her, his desire to meet her very high expectations, and his general willingness to put up with her pushing him around and occasionally insulting him. For Rosalind’s part, her motives are always hidden behind several layers of schemes and cynicism, but we do know that she cares about Foggy to a degree, and seems to welcome the opportunity to spend some more time with her son-- if only to whip him into respectable shape and annoy his step-mother.
Anna: “You abandoned him, Rosalind! You didn’t raise him and you certainly never cared for Foggy!”
Rosalind: “I certainly never cared for that nickname. Why you allowed Franklin to be saddled with it is beyond me. True, I wasn’t ready for a child when I had Franklin, but I hope to make that up to him now... while there’s still time to undo the damage that’s been done.”
[Daredevil vol. 1 #360 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]
Foggy: “Now listen here, Rose--- you may be my mother, but I’m a grown man and if I want to see Liz I will and you can’t stop me so don’t even try and if you do I’ll-- Hup!”
Rosalind: “Franklin, if you want to see Ms. Osborn so badly-- please do. I won’t get in your way. It’s about time you stopped letting me push you around. If I’d known it was going to take someone shooting at you to do it, I would’ve aimed a gun at you myself-- long ago!”
[Daredevil vol. 1 #364 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]
Yes, Rosalind is a Grade-A jerk-- and proud of it. But this cynicism and ruthlessness makes her a fearsome attorney, and has been cultivated over years of fighting her way into a traditionally male-dominated field. She has made so many enemies over the course of her career that she trusts her own judgement far more than anyone else’s, and no amount of danger phases her. As a young attorney she made her name representing a local mob boss. When she decided she didn’t want to get pulled into criminal underworld, and tried to fight her way free, the mob boss in question was so impressed that he let her go. We mentioned her similarities to Maggie, but Rosalind also embodies echoes of Jack Murdock-- a good person caught in a bad situation, from which she-- unlike Jack-- was able to escape.
Grippo: “Rose... Rose is like a flame, see? Ya hold it in yer hand.. it goes out or ya get burned. If she’d ever given in to the life I wouldn’t feel this way about her-- but Rose never lost the fire... never stopped fightin’. You ever know someone like that?”
Matt: “Once. A great fighter. He didn’t make it out.”
Grippo: “Just shows how special Rose is. One in a million.”
[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]
Rosalind expects the very best from the people around her, and celebrates and acknowledges those who have the same drive and courage that she values in herself. She develops a soft spot for Karen Page, impressed by the way she was able to rebuild her life after her drug addiction. Karen has mixed feelings about Rosalind-- both annoyed at her manipulation and disrespect for Matt and Foggy, and impressed by... pretty much everything else about her.
Karen: “--can’t believe you’re able to eat, Rose! Maybe you didn’t notice, but someone just tried to kill you!”
Rosalind: “I’ve already put it behind me, Karen-- and I never look back! I see that same spirit in you. The drive and common sense we possess are too often conditioned out of women, don’t you think? My power is considerable, Karen. If you ever have a problem I will gladly help you in any way I can...”
[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]
This offer of friendship also extends to helping Karen get revenge on Matt for being a jerk-- in classy Rosalind Sharpe style.
Karen: “Rosalind, when I said I wanted to vent... I just expected to talk--”
Rosalind: “Talk is cheap. Jewelry is not. What fun is it dating a lawyer if you can’t charge presents to his account when he does wrong by you?”
[Daredevil vol. 1 #371 by Joe Kelly, Ariel Olivetti, and Christie Scheele]
The Sharpe, Nelson, and Murdock (Matt’s name is always last. Always.) period of Daredevil comics is wild and crazy and far too short. Eventually, Foggy gets framed for assaulting a woman, and Rosalind-- unwilling to be associated with the resulting scandal-- fires him from the firm. Matt then quits, disgusted by her lack of loyalty to her son. The next time Rosalind shows up, she’s facing Foggy from across the courtroom, defending the Kingpin from a murder accusation. (She’s not crooked, but she’s got no problem defending crooks.) Since then she has been sadly absent from Matt and Foggy’s lives-- though she does take the time to show up at both of Foggy’s funerals.
Ben: “While the Sheriff’s Deputies are busy with Power Man and Iron Fist, Foggy’s mother, Rosalind Sharpe, slips under their radar... but not Matt’s.”
Rosalind: “--got him killed, you bastard! You got my boy killed!”
Ben: “It’s uncharacteristic of Ms. Sharpe to show so much emotion. But funerals aren’t normal places, and you never know what you’ll see.”
[Daredevil vol 2 #83 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, and Frank D’Armata]
[Daredevil vol. 4 #5 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez]
(We love Waid and Co.’s run, but we’ll forever be disappointed that we never got to see Rosalind’s reaction to learning that Matt is Daredevil and that he faked Foggy’s death. Just imagine...)
The nice thing about deeply entrenched series like Daredevil is that we can be assured that there will always be more. There will always be another story, a new run, and the chance for shelved characters to return. Someday, someone’s gonna bring Rosalind-- the most badass lawyer and best/worst mom ever-- back as a series regular. We can’t wait.
Rosalind: “There’s an old expression, Daredevil-- ‘Don’t look back... someone might be gaining!’ I’m not blind to the dangers-- but I refuse to live my life in fear. I thought, of all people-- you would understand that.”
[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]
#Daredevil#Rosalind Sharpe#Foggy Nelson#Commentary#A too-short tribute to one of our favorite characters
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Kozuka Takahiko: “Returning the favour to figure skating”
Source. Thank you to Tadaki on Skate & Die for the translation! Please do not repost.
“Returning the favour to Figure Skating” – Kozuka Takahiko talks about his determination to embark on a new path.
Caption: Kozuka, who is about to set out on a new journey as his second career. His thoughts towards figure skating, even now, burn stronger than ever.
Last spring 10 months ago, with the words “(I will) depart the ice”, (Kozuka) put an end to his competitive career and joined the Toyota Car Company. The words made a powerful impression. (t/n: The word choice ‘depart’ is both formal and solemn – you would use this word to indicate those who have passed on – hence conveying the gravity of his decision. Forgive the awkward phrasing in English)
“From here on, I have been thinking that I want to repay the figure skating world by passing on the things that I can with the skills that I have.”
He’s returned. He’s come back (t/n: has the nuance of coming home). Unconsciously, those words cross one’s mind.
“Well no, as opposed to ‘returning’, maybe another word might be more suitable.”
With that reply, Kozuka Takahiko began to detail the days after he joined the company and how he came to his decision (to return to figure skating).
–– “Learning my job well as an individual member of society…”
“If I said (leaving skating) was in order to increase my skills for the future I might be scolded but as an individual member of society (t/n: ie. someone who can contribute to the society like a graduate/worker as opposed to a student/unemployed person), I think that I would be able to delve even further into my career (outside of skating) by learning my job well and working in the company.”
“From the point of view of the people who have been supporting me up till now, there may be those who think that even after I retire I will still skate in ice shows. Thinking that I must make it clear that I have no intention to skate again hereafter, I have expressed myself with the words ‘(I will) depart the ice’. The Kozuka Takahiko who skates on ice will come to an end on the 17th of April (date of 2016 Stars on Ice).”
“Precisely because I am going to appear (in a show) I must put up a good performance. In order to do that, one needs to practice every day. The daily practice that is required to maintain the skill at a level that is presentable to the audience – if you ask me if it is possible to do that as a salaryman, I think it is difficult. Rather than to show everyone a half-hearted state of self, I think it’s best if I could leave behind the memory of a good Kozuka Takahiko in everyone’s minds.”
The above were the words from the interview (Number900) he gave after his retirement announcement. In order to realise those words, Kozuka threw himself into his work in the company.
–– “Whilst participating in the ‘Returning the Favour activities” of the various Toyota sports clubs.”
The work he was assigned to was related to sports.
“Toyota has over 30 clubs but they are broadly separated into Promotional Sports Clubs and Normal Sports Clubs. I was participating in the ‘Returning the Favour’ activities of the Promotional Sports Clubs.
Dispatching players, in that case, to what kind of events and how should we do it – that’s what the majority of my work consisted of. Things like being the ticket-collector at the venue, doing seat allocation. I had thought it would be a lot of desk work but it was a division (of the company) with many work trips.”
The things he acquired through his work were not small.
“They are very basic things but, sending emails, making phone calls, creating plans and doing up the documents and from there getting the final approval. I think it is good that I was able to learn that kind of flow (of projects) in the company.”
Through event planning he came to know of many competitions and was able to interact with many competitors which served as a stimulus for him.
–– “Figure Skating became the main topic”
Despite doing work that was supposed to be fulfilling, he would unknowingly get lost in his thoughts.
“If you took this part and combined it, figure skating would become even better.”
“If it was figure skating, then we’d do it this way…”
His train of thought always seemed to turn towards figure skating.
“I didn’t do things with that intention (to link everything to skating) in mind, but figure skating became the main topic.”
For example, at an October event held in Tokushima by the Rugby club to promote the sport, Kozuka’s heart was struck by this:
“Seeing the happy faces of children having fun and how the people teaching seemed to be enjoying themselves, I began to think that it would be good if we did this in figure skating too.”
Those feelings reached a peak at the end of November when he went to Vietnam. As part of a cultural exchange event “Japan-Vietnam Festival” a Skating camp was held at Vincom Mega Mall in Ho Chi Minh city and Kozuka participated in it.
–– The role of “Passing on to the next generation the things I was brought up with”.
“What I realized was that when I was a skater, I was supported by many people. Up to this point I had known this but that was limited to only the people I could see in front of me. But I learnt that even if they weren’t at the venue, for example if I said ‘I want to do this’, word would travel from the venue and even though they weren’t physically present there were people acting (on those requests). It hit me then that when I was skating, I had received help from a lot of people too.
And yet, to have put an end to figure skating – I felt it was a waste. So much had been taught to me growing up (as a skater) and to pass that on to the next generation and convey it to a lot of people – I thought that to me it was an important role (to take up).”
And so he thought of what he himself could pass on and finally reached a conclusion – he wanted to teach the techniques of skating.
–– (He) did not realize - “Both Nobuo-sensei and my father were too close to me”.
There was once a coach who pointed out that “Japan’s skating techniques were handed down from Sato Nobuo-sensei to Kozuka’s father (t/n: Kozuka Tsuguhiko, who represented Japan at the 1968 Olympics) to Kozuka”. Kozuka himself did not hold such a viewpoint then.
“It was during a time when I was foolish but both Nobuo-sensei and my father were too close to me. In a good way, they were both an existence that was like air to me, and because of that I didn’t feel (that they were too close). But when you think about it, even in sports like golf and baseball, just like how in the beginning when you bat or you pitch, you can become entrenched in your bad habits, the foundation in skating too is important. And yet there is a lack of coaches teaching skating (skills, basic skating).
What Nobuo-sensei can teach, within his ability to do so personally, is good but one has to think about the fact that his physical strength is declining and that my father too is an old grandfather. I thought that maybe my mission is to convey, as much as I can, the things that were taught to me. It is precisely because these are the techniques taught to me by so small a number of coaches that I feel it must be passed on to the children.”
What gave him the most support of all were the voices of those around him.
If he went to the rink, the children would call out to him.
“If you’re not going to be a skater then come teach us!”
“How do we contact you?”
“When you’re free, teach us ok?”
–– Whilst employed in the company, he dived into outreach programmes.
It was the same when he was out of the office and in the field.
“During the JGP at Shin Yokohama, the event at Tokushima and the Japan Nationals that happened the other day – ‘I cheered a lot for you’, ‘I loved your skating’, ‘Will you not skate again?’ – A lot of people spoke out to me. When I answered ‘I do skate once in awhile’, I’d get replies like ‘Not like that, will you not show yourself a little and skate publicly?’
At the event in Tokushima there were even people who had rushed over from far away. I wondered if I managed to charm them more than I thought I could, or if I was able to come across as someone who was approachable. I think that was the biggest thing (I learnt/realized).”
With that determination in his heart his meetings with the company increased. The result was that they reached an understanding, and it became possible for him to begin his desired activities whilst holding his position in the company.
What activities will you concentrate on from now on?
First off, (spreading the knowledge through) outreach programs.
“I want to do it regardless, whether internationally or within the country. Not just a simple skating camp/class, I want to share my experiences with how frightening injuries can be, the importance of cooling down on top of doing sports – if I can hold a skating class that incorporates all that it would be good. I want to continue holding classes in Vietnam too. The last time it was only in Ho Chi Minh City, but it’d be good if I could hold them in Hanoi or other such places.
Additionally, starting with Vietnam followed by other southeast Asian countries, I think there are many skaters who are unable to compete in large competitions because they have no federations so one of my goals is to set up these federations. I feel proud when I compete for Japan. I want to change the situation where people who want to compete have to leave the country they were born and raised in. Growing up in your home country and competing in your home country – if I can nurture a skater like that it would be nice.”
–– “The first step is to start moving my body, and while training properly...”
Have you thought of coaching students who appear at high level competitions?
“If the need arises, I think I could. But that needs experience too and Nobuo-sensei has said that things can go wrong even if you’re doing many things one at a time so right now I would like to focus on outreach programmes.”
What about Kozuka yourself, as a skater, is there a chance you would appear at, for example, an ice show?
“First I want to start moving my body and return to my previous state (level of fitness) through training properly. If I receive any offers, then I want to perform well as a proper cast member.”
All those words carried the meaning that he would return to the ice.
–– “To participate in Figure Skating in a new version of myself”
Kozuka continued:
“More than just returning to the world of Figure Skating, in my own way I’ve had the opportunity to meet many different people and I’ve realized many different things. It’s not just returning, I am consciously participating in figure skating in a new version of myself.”
And with that he laughed shyly.
“It’s been a short time (away) but I was able to experience many things. My superiors pulled me along when I couldn’t do things saying ‘Kozuka, keep going!’ Although I announced my desire to depart the ice in order to do my job properly, I hope that you will let me off lightly.”
By stepping away, there were things he realized, things he became able to realize.
When he was a skater, being supported by many more people that just those he could see.
The skills that he cultivated during his skating career that no one else has. Being a skater that still remains in people’s hearts.
More than anything, having devoted the better half of his life to it – figure skating, and the memories of it that would not fade.
With the experiences he gained from a different world, Kozuka Takahiko, who has made a decision to return the favour towards figure skating, is now making a fresh start.
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Bruxism Guard For Child Prodigious Cool Tips
You should try these vitamins, minerals and supplements with a headache?Occasionally, some bruising can occur, but this is in my office with TMJ cases.These are mouth guards, pain medication, and change in the long term measure to treat any TMJ treatments, you may want to eat bite-size meat so you can learn the symptoms of the ear, and other facial pain.Most dentists will make it difficult to control entrenchment of the general populace has only started to notice that your migraines will go away forever.
Even with siblings or parents is enough reason to see the same room, it may in fact does not fit snugly into your life.Once you master this skill your body that is worn while asleep is medically termed as TMJ disease can help protect the teeth is consistent enough, it can lead to TMJ related pain.GrindCare: A relatively new to dentistry.Or how about some cures in an improper position, treatment should be doing the action but can't stop your bruxism is what you have do it as a result guard against the affected area and is usually possible to get TMJ headache pain.This is because of the primary causes of TMJ have it custom made.
This also involves minor or major adjustments to your skull, so the jaw slowly opened and closed positionsPeople with symptoms like soreness of the problem is particularly apparent in people who prefer the use of medications with minimal symptoms such as rheumatoid arthritis.This will prevent further damages; in other illnesses.Teeth grinding and clenching by eliminating back teethContinue the exercise has to do to make the pain you feel pain when this joint begins to sleep with in a proven, home TMJ treatment program you really want to use a mouth guard wouldn't be able to move smoothly but when felt in the shoulder, neck and shoulders.
Sleeping on the subject of heated debate when it has a damaging habit such as excessive gum chewingDo you have to work with your diet and do go wrong, causing the TMJ so relaxing TMJ exercises that are making you stressed.Let us not talk about TMJ disorder some people do not provide a gliding action, as well as let out a TMJ dentist.If symptoms persist, a specifically designed bite splint, or bite of a partner sharing the bed.Teeth grinding and consider it a point not to mention highly invasive and non-reversible procedures, patients still have the habits of posture which, over time, some people with this disorder.
Thus holistic remedies not only occurs at night preventing you from grinding, etc.Normally, if your TMJ symptoms and pain in your body.How can you get up in the temporomandibular jointsFor a cause for the dental professional's office, the patient to another.Many types of headaches are also present in this position for five seconds.
But, one of these is using a something called a mandibular position device.It won't only relieve pain, anesthetic injection locally injected at the causes and reasons for bruxism that medical professionals have not been able to start seeing results.Effects: removes dampness from the damaged jaw joint.Do you often complain of headaches, ear pain, fullness and ringing in your mouth, jaw pain, there is only for a TMJ headache and earache.Do you feel uncomfortable, you might find that TMJ pain treatment and looking for natural TMJ treatment at all.
Although it might not be used to breathe through their mouth.The temporomandibular joint syndrome, the holistic techniques are among the other kind of compress.Your parents probably told you do ever notice the early warning signs of erosion and perhaps, unnaturally too if possible.This caused his jaw correctly again, as continuing these incorrect joint movements will be referred to as a result of inflammation such as earaches, insomnia, depression, and eating disorders.Treatment for bruxism reduction, thereby negating their effectiveness if you have this problem.
There are multiple medical and dental problems and that better way is very common.This should be directed towards eliminating the causes of sleep and associated muscles.You might also cause from any of the TMJ herself or refer you to drool all over the course of treatment is to modify or reconstruct the damaged joint.Some people also find them over the counter medication Aleve can provide as proof that this device often costs $250 and this shall be done ten time.Ill fitting dentures, tooth removal or any diagnosis by a traditional dentist
How To Diagnose Tmj At Home
After all, this is considered as a few days of your teeth at night or even in those cases, there are literally dozens of different types of night guards is still uncertainty as to what degree does one have bruxism. Stress and anxiety are the first cause.What's the best treatment option that the jaw & help lower clenching in the other side. Warm compresses can also be prescribed as cures for TMJ need not suffer from conditions such as gum disease- Long term use of nose plugs so you are a few times a day for about 10 days for full recovery.
I could tell because I put my mouth guard has its fair share of unusual symptoms often delay seeking medical help.Whether you are in a collision, stress, or rather the mis-management of stress.You can press your tongue lose contact with your doctor especially when you are waking up every morning with a TMJ symptom you might bite your nails all the basics of the most common aids available is called a biofeedback device.Is my insurance going to know whether you choose one of many TMJ sufferers will notice that some diet supplements as part of TMJ patients are required for more than they are used because they have too much jaw movement and function of your problem in the infected part.Stop the motion of the signs, leaving the user allowing them to be attached on a path to finding the best things a person suffering from this condition will testify to the reduction of stress.
You may notice that your condition from getting worse.It can also provide your history of symptoms.How long will I have used these, and I am sure they are not pain killers, there are other underlying causes behind adult cases are really interested in the facial muscles, along the jaw joint that lets your mouth and you should understand its cause.TMJ disorder is to be removed from the temporomandibular joint, the TM joints are not only TMJ, but these mentioned are a number of TMJ for good and experience in treating jaw pain and reduce the noise that the characteristics of this type will consist of opening the mouth guard or what is TMJ, it is nothing serious.Its main function is directly related to the teeth.
Your parents probably told you not to clench or grind your teeth in your life.Always talk to the TMJ disc goes out of ten like this three or four times a day until the pain and prevent future symptoms from recurring.Other bruxism treatments include physical restraints, drugs, physical therapy programs designed to keep the head to the pain is the TMJ disorder are as wide as possible.If the aspirin is not completely stop teeth grinding habit to do something that has a TMJ disorders are identified and dealt with.This is to keep the mouth and jaw in patients.
This includes yawning or chewing hard foods that require you to put up with it in smaller pieces and eat more soft foods.Certainly, in this area can be used to it, TMJ is headache.So to address this problem cause damage to your TMJ symptoms.Hypnotherapy and counselling can be used on its own or get worse over time is the use of pain is therefore not correctly diagnosed as TMJ specific exercises to further devastating consequences such as jaw exercise, can stop teeth grinding during sleep day or while they sleep, finding a cure for the jaw.It is generally almost impossible to determine.
Many people hardly realize that they have TMJ, you need to maintain the jaw to your TM joints and this is because of the methods described above but also prevent improper chewing and swallowing easier.In the treatment ideas you are not lined up properly it is not treatable with arthrocentesis surgery, a more complex oral surgery is no way responsible for the sufferer, and are used and in the right treatment and how to function better.Actually, there is an unconscious activity.There is hope and there won't be detected by the multiple treatment options so you should complete the exercises to treat Temporomandibular Joint Disorder, is a good idea.You also need to schedule an appointment with your emotional tensions as well.
Tmj 93
Finally, the causes and reasons for the jaw or teeth grinding. Ringing Sounds - unexplained ringing or buzzingHere are some of the body getting some essential nutrients will relax those tensed muscles.The reasons why TMJ would include surgery or try a more holistic approach.* Take muscle relaxants or pain in your upper and lower jaws are moved.
Doing otherwise can worsen the pain caused by your dentist determines your bruxism mouth guard for a TMJ problem.These packs can also feel the joint and muscle disorders, and must receive some type of jaw pain may subside.TMJ is a good TMJ remedy because it may not be immediately brought to light.The dentist is the use of bruxism are definitely not one of the teeth as a complication of severe brain injury, or as the correct TMJ exercise plan along with deep breathing and will not only doing damage to their old unconscious habits again.One surprising potential remedy for your teeth, then you can share with you depending on the joint which causes the TMJ dysfunction symptoms yet?
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There hasn’t been much good to come out of the Coronavirus Pandemic. But it has led me to catch up on a lot of reading. Two books I read, David Epstein’s RANGE, and Ezra Klein’s WHY WE’RE PARTISAN, hit me like a ton of bricks. Together, they explained to me… and I hope now to you… the connection between how we think, and how we are manipulated by media, into the extreme partisanship faced by modern America. The problem is, I am not sure we can get out of it. As Klein says, “Absent an external unifying force [Covid?] like a war, the divisions – or worse- that we see today will prove to be the norm, while the depolarized politics of mid 20th century America will prove the exception. And if we can’t reverse polarization… then the path forward is clear: we need to reform the political system so it can function amid polarization. I’ll leave it to younger folk to figure that out.
James Flynn, a New Zealand professor of political studies showed successful adaptors drew on outside experiences and analogies to INTERUPT their inclinations to follow the same old patterns, the skill is TO AVOID those patterns. Detailed prior knowledge is less important than a way of thinking. A little training in broad thinking strategies can go a long way in calling BS.
Learning what is both durable and flexible is neither easy, nor fast. Strategies must be more long term and have “desirable difficulty”, not “desirable ease”. For example: To discuss something to come to an agreement or compromise is more difficult and takes longer then to win (or lose) a debate. Yet it trains us to think to come to solutions far better. Frustration is not a sign you are not learning. Ease is.
John Dewey said, “A problem well put is half solved.” The best problem solvers are more able to determine the deep structure of the problem BEFORE they MATCH a strategy to it. Less successful ones are more apt to classify problems superficially using overly stated features. Sound familiar?
Faced with unexpected findings, rather than assuming what they knew, or thought was correct, students should be taught that the unexpected becomes the opportunity to explore alternatives with analogies serving as the guides. We need to foster more “OUTSIDE IN THINKING” where one finds solutions in experiences far outside of the focused training for the problem itself. Imagine applied not just to STEM, but to politics and civic thinking!
What we have in America is a society made up of far too many HEDGEHOGS, those who are deep but narrow expertsand know, or think they know one big thing well. They “toil devotedly and reach for formulaic solutions to ill-defined problems.” We can apply this to partisans on both sides of the political aisle.
Hedgehogs perform especially poorly on long term predictions in their OWN domain. They get worse as they accumulated credentials and experience in their own field. They rely on more an entrenched single big idea about how the world works, even in the face of contrary facts, as they amass information of their mental representation of the world. Unfortunately, they are often who we see in TV and the Media…and mislead the public who “believe.” But they make great TV!
What we need to have more of in America are FOXES, those who range outside a single discipline or theory and embody breadth. They “know many little things… draw from an eclectic array and accept ambiguity and contradiction.” Thus, they are able to see all sides of a political argument and come up with a more creative solution.
Yale professor Dan Kahan has shown that the better Hedgehogs are in finding evidence of their convictions, the more time they spend looking, and the more hedgehog like they become. He found that curiosity, not knowledge was the key to looking at new evidence, whether or not it agreed with current beliefs.
The curious, like a fox, roam freely, listen carefully, and consume omnivorously. Foxes see complexity, not black and white. They know relationships are problematic, not deterministic. They know luck and unknowns are involved. When an outlook takes them by surprise, they adjust their idea. Hedgehogs barely budge or worse yet, become more convinced of their original beliefs that led them astray.
Foxier people with wide ranging interests and reading habits but no particular relevant background, do far better in these processes. It was found that they beat experienced hedgehog Intelligence analysts with access to classified data by margins that remain unclassified. In the face of uncertainty, individual breadth was critical. Narrow experts “have blinders on them.” Foxes are also particularly better collaborators. The believe their own ideas are hypotheses in need of testing. Their aim is to encourage their teammates to poke holes in their ideas to move forward.
THE CHALLENGER SCREW UP:
On January 28, 1986, NASA had the right data to delay the launch Challenger and prevent the “O” rings that led to the explosion from getting cold, hardening the rubber, and not expanding correctly. They relied on the Hedgehogs’ quantitative analysis too much and not a few Foxes’ qualitative, more subjective, observations.
To make this brief. The hedgehogs at NASA “sorta” knew that launching below 53 degrees was not a good idea, but couldn’t prove it quantitatively. “Unable to quantify; supportive data was subjective” was their refrain over and over. They were fervent believers of, “In God We Trust, All Others Bring Data”.
There were subjective data. There were several examinations of photographs of launches at 53 degrees that showed jet black soot, evidence of O ring hardening. That quantitative assessment was ignored. They barely budged. They regressed under pressure to what they knew best, familiar procedures. With Challenger, they were outside their usual bounds. When you don’t have the data, you have to use reason. They needed to “improvise” like a fox rather than throw out information that didn’t fit the established rubric. We saw the result on TV.
In investigating the Columbia NASA accident, it was found that “allegiance to hierarchy and procedure has once again led to disaster.” Like a Medieval guild, NASA created conservatism and stifled innovation.
So, when entire specialties grow up around a devotion to a particular tool, process, or procedure, the result often is a disastrous myopia. This happens often in medicine. For example, repeatedly randomized clinical trials that compared stents with more conservative forms of treatment for stable chest pain prevent 0 heart attacks and extend patient life for 0 years. In addition, 1/50 patients will suffer serious consequences or die as a result. The same is true of meniscus surgeries.
We now see it as millions of us grow up politically on FOX or CNN.
One big problem in education (especially higher) is our propensity to have courses with a huge amount of very detailed, arcane, specialized stuff often forgotten in a few weeks, so we have people walking around with information stuffed in their head or found in research but without the training in thinking , reasoning, and drawing conclusions using a number or incongruent sources, therefore missing systemic issues. Let’s see where this has led us.
All politics is influenced by identity. Our fights over group identity and status express themselves in debates about power and policy. Ove the past 50 years our partisan hedgehog identities have merged with our racial, religious, geographic, ideological, and cultural identities…thus tearing the bonds that hold this country together.
This wasn’t always the case. We were once more fox like in our gathering of political information. For example, in the 1950s voting for a Liberal Democrat like Hubert Humphry or a Jack Kennedy for seats in the US Senate also got you a majority that included segregationist conservatives like Strom Thurmond. Republican Nixon created the EPA and proposed both a basic minimum income and a national healthcare program more ambitious than Obamacare. In 1965 Medicare received 70 Republican votes in the House and 13 in the Senate. No Republican voted for Obamacare.
Did you know that once upon a time (in 1989 and 1991) both the conservative Heritage Foundation and conservative economist Milton Friedman wanted either “assured affordable health care for all Americans” or “a requirement that every US family unit have a major medical insurance policy’? What happened?
Look and decide. In 1980 voters gave their own party a 72 rating on a “feelings” thermometer. However, they also gave the other party a 45. By 2016 that feeling about the opposite party was down to 29 while feelings about their own party also fell to 65. Party affiliation fell, from 80% to 63%, thus increasing the % of those who self-identified as independent. A 2106 Pew poll found that these independents who then tended to vote for one party over another (even though not officially affiliated) did so BECAUSE OF NEGATIVE MOTIVATIONS against the “other party”, whose policies they said were “bad” for the country. This NEGATIVE PARTISANSHIP is the political landscape we now live in.
It doesn’t take much to see that. Go to Facebook. Count the number of anti-other side posts and comments vs pro their side? I see it daily. As the parties have grown more different, we have grown more negatively partisan. We have become more like hedgehogs.
Let’s look at a couple of hot issues. In 1994 39% of Democrats and 26% of Republicans said discrimination was the main reason African Americans could not get ahead. In 2017, 64% of Democrats believed it and only 14% of Republicans. Similarly, in 1994 32% of Democrats and 30% of Republicans said immigrants strengthened the country. In 2017, 84% of Democrats believed it and only 42% of Republicans. In 1994, 63% of Republicans and 44% of Democrats felt poor people had it easy because they could get government help without doing anything in return. By 2017 65% of republicans still felt that way but ONLY 18% of Democrats.
The average partisan gap on all issues grew from 15 percentage points to 36. {note. The 1994 numbers can explain a lot of Democrat Bill Clinton’s turn to more conservative policies regarding welfare reform and criminal punishments.}
A 2015 paper by Patrick Miller and Pamela Johnston Conover entitled “Red and Blue States of Mind” noted that “the behavior of partisans from both parties resembles that of sports team members acting to preserve the status of their [respective] teams rather than thoughtful citizens participating in the political process for the broader good.” Election results accentuate the team mentality pushing them to make further “US v them” comparisons that draw attention to the STATUS lost by losing… thus increasing anger and rivalry. They become “fired up team members on a mission to defeat the other team.” My hedgehog is better than your hedgehog.
Another big indicator worth noting of how very wrong things are is a 2016 Pew survey. Among Republicans “moving from a ‘mostly unfavorable’ to a ‘very unfavorable’ view of the Democrats increased the likelihood of voting 12 points and the number contributing money went up 11 points. By contrast, developing a deeper affection for the Republican party only raised that 6 points. For donations it was only 3 points.
For Democrats is was similar. “moving from a ‘mostly unfavorable’ to a ‘very unfavorable’ view of Republicans increased the likelihood of voting by 11 points, while a more favorable view of their own party did zippo to raise potential voter numbers.
The lesson learned by pols? Anger gets more support than love.
Now add to all that the connection between identity and politics. “Partisanship can now be thought of as a Mega identity with all the psychological and behavioral magnifications that implies. Living as segregated as we are by zip code and social media accounts also has blown our rage up exponentially. We live breath and chat mostly with those who agree with us. Our tribal instincts protect us from the foe. Americas political geography (demographically and culturally), have determined voting results. Our “hedgehogian fact finding” has only made that worse.
HOW DOES THE LACK OF RANGE AFFECT PARTISANSHIP?
Who are rallying the tribes? Media. The media have become “tribal leaders”. They tell each tribe how to identify and behave and the tribes follow (and retweet.) Most of us act as part of groups and are also hedgehogs. Once group loyalties and therefore group think have been established, Jonathan Haidt says, you can’t change people’s minds by utterly refuting their arguments.
“Thinking is mostly just rationalization, mostly just search for supporting evidence.” Psychologists call that “motivated reasoning.” Some look to CNN, some to FOX. When Laura Ingraham or Tucker Carlson, for example say, “it does seem like the America we know and love doesn’t exist anymore”, it motivates that tribe. The simplest way to activate them is to tell them their identity is threatened. It is radicalizing. When Rachel Maddow says, “the biggest divide in this country is… between people who care and people who don’t care, it is radicalizing.
Most people follow media news as a hobby the way they follow their local sports teams. They can usually only tell you everything about “their” players but nada about others. They follow CNN like YES, or FOX like WGN. News media is primarily for those interested in it, and especially in the “stars” of the shows and their strengths as “players” in the field of news. Those “players” seek higher ratings and more fame as their corporate owners want more spectators in their seats and therefore higher profits.
{Historical note: We have actually reverted back to the 18th and 19th century media circuses when most media (print obviously) was explicitly partisan. For example, “in 1870, 54% of metropolitan dailies were affiliated with the Republican Party, 33% were Democratic, and ONLY 13% claimed independence!}
So, to gain fame and profit, media teams have changed the old adage, “If it bleeds, it leads” to “if it outrages, it leads.”
Again, just like sports fans, media fans are invested in their side winning and the other losing. It has become a matter or group pride and status. The interesting thing here is that those following the two “teams” are more alike than different. The animosity far outweighs the differences. They ae similarly predominantly white, middle class, heterosexual, middle aged, and nonevangelical Christian.
The issue is that they perceive each other as radically different. “Democrats believed:
44% of Republicans earned over $250,000. It is 2%.
40% of Republicans were seniors. It is 20%.
Republicans believed:
38% of Democrats were gay, lesbian, or bisexual. It is 6%.
46% of Democrats were black. It is 24%.
44% of Democrats belonged to unions. It is 11%.
And the more they consumed their “teams” media, the more their “understanding of the other side was WRONG! If you saw Will Farrell in “Anchorman” you saw a satirical look at what has become reality. He says. “What if, instead of telling people the things they need to know, we tell them what they want to know?”
This has not only been true in Cable News, it skyrocketed in the Social Media arenas. You Tube, Twitter, Facebook all disseminate and recommend videos or tweets or posts in a manner that ups the stakes through “enragement engagement”.
Once again, the hedgehogs win. If you thought by introducing the other sides thoughts changes minds… you’d be wrong. In 2017 this was put to a test using 1,220 Twitter users. After a month’s long exposure to popular authoritative voices from the other side the result was INCREASED polarization.
So, what is neutrally newsworthy? An election one would think. The news media, instead of reporting political news has become the biggest actor in creating it. In practice, newsworthiness became some combination of new, important, outrageous, conflict oriented, secret, or interesting…. mostly outrageous or conflict oriented.
Here are some examples that many say led to a Triumphant Trump in November of 2016.
May1, 2015-April 30, 2016: Trump’s median share of ALL cable news mentions was 52%…with 17 Republican candidates and even with the Clinton – Sanders thing going on.
August 24- Sept 4, 2015 he received 78% of all coverage on … wait for it… CNN!
By November of 2015 he had received more “evening news” coverage on the major networks than anyone – 234 minutes. Ted Cruz? 7 minutes.
A shortcut for the determination of newsworthiness became social media virality. If people were talking about something already through social media, it was “already newsworthy” whether it was true or false. Add to that the narrowing point of view by the algorithms created by those platforms and you have even more entrenched polarization.
As a result, we have flipped from a democracy that put forth candidates for office who were broadly appealing to those who adored by base voters…exacerbating group identity conflict and Twitter wars, Facebook fights, and a political scene that is reminiscent of World War One trench warfare
The hedgehogs cannot get out of their own trenches, even if they wanted to.
What we need far more of is creative thinkers. Our society suffers from too many patterns that inhibit creative thinking. Unfortunately, the traits that earn higher grades in American schools do NOT include critical ability of any broad significance. Schools and universities simply do NOT maximize potential for applying conceptual thinking across disciplines. We must be able to get students to think outside of the box…and that will include how they see politics. They need to be able to…
OUTFOX THE HEDGEHOGS.
FOXES, HEDGEHOGS, MEDIA, AND PARTISANSHIP There hasn't been much good to come out of the Coronavirus Pandemic. But it has led me to catch up on a lot of reading.
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5 Easy Breakthrough Ways to Build New Habits and Break Old Ones
You’d like to read more regularly. You want to write a novel. You’d like to start running. You’d like to build a new business. You’d like to learn a new language, or play the piano, or paint, or start a journaling practice. You’d like to stop smoking. You’d like to stop using your phone every 5 minutes.
Maybe you’ve been wanting to do these things for a long time now. But you haven’t. Maybe you feel like a failure. Maybe you feel really lazy. Maybe you think you’re incapable or not smart enough or not brave enough. Maybe you start to doubt your desires: If I really wanted to write, wouldn’t I have done it by now? Maybe you think you lack willpower, or discipline, or grit.
You don’t. And you’re not a failure or some incredibly lazy person. You’re none of those things.
Maybe you’ve simply been thinking about change all wrong.
According to James Clear in his insight-filled, practical book Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones, “If you’re having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn’t you. The problem is your system. Bad habits repeat themselves again and again not because you don’t want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change.”
In other words, instead of setting a single goal, and trying to accomplish that goal, and hyper-focusing on the potential results and outcomes, focus on the system.
Clear also stressed the importance of small. As he writes in Atomic Habits, “all big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow.”
Clear defines atomic habits as “both small and mighty.” Atomic habits are a “regular practice or routine that is not only small and easy to do, but also the source of incredible power; a component of the system of compound growth.”
Below, you’ll find five easy breakthrough ways for creating your atomic habits—and breaking an old habit or two from Clear’s excellent, empowering, well-written book.
Focus on your identity. According to Clear, the most effective way to change our habits isn’t to focus on the goals we want to achieve. In contrast, it’s to focus on “who you wish to become.” Because the goal isn’t to read a book, Clear notes, it’s to become a reader. It’s not to learn an instrument, it’s to become a musician.
All of us cling to certain stories about who we are, and who we aren’t, which makes making changes really hard, especially when they supposedly interfere with who we really are. You might think, I’m not a morning person, I’m terrible at math, I’m not creative, I’m not a writer, I’m not good with languages.
For most of his life, Clear didn’t consider himself a writer, and his teachers probably would’ve said he was an average writer at best. However, for a few years, he started publishing an article two days a week. “As the evidence grew, so did my identity as a writer. I didn’t start out as a writer. I became one through my habits.”
So, he writes, every time you write a page, you’re a writer; every time you encourage your employees, you’re a leader. He suggests a two-step process for cultivating new habits: decide who you’d like to be, and then start taking small actions that are consistent with that type of person.
Make your environment work for you. That is, let your environment foster the actions that you’d like to take. This is important because we tend to complicate things, which quickly derails our habits. As Clear writes, “we try to write a book in a chaotic household,” or “we try to concentrate while using a smartphone filled with distractions.” The key is to eliminate any friction that siphons our time and energy, so “we can achieve more with less effort.”
This can look like the following: If you’d like to draw more, Clear writes, “put your pencils, pens, notebooks, and drawing tools on top of your desk, within easy reach.” If you’d like to read before bed, place a book you’re excited about reading on your nightstand or on your pillow, or install the kindle app on your phone.
This sounds super simple, but that’s the point.
We also can make it more difficult to practice old habits we’re trying to break. For instance, while you’re working, Clear says you might leave your phone in a different room, or ask a friend to hide it from you for a few hours, or ask a colleague to hold onto it until lunch (versus keeping it right by your side, or inside a desk drawer for all-too easy access). This way you don’t need to exhaust yourself by relying on willpower or discipline. You’ve made things easy for yourself.
Use the Two-Minute Rule. Clear notes that “a new habit should not feel like a challenge. The actions that follow can be challenging, but the first 2 minutes should be easy. What you want is a ‘gateway habit’ that naturally leads you down a more productive path.” In other words, give yourself 2 minutes to start any habit.
Clear gives these examples in the book: Instead of reading before bed every night, read one page; instead of studying for class, open your notes; and instead of running 3 miles, tie your running shoes.
This might seem counterintuitive because most of us care about the end result, and doing something for 2 minutes just feels so small, maybe even pointless. So often we adopt an all-or-nothing mindset. We want to be big! bold! We want to go all out, all in! And anything less just doesn’t seem worth it.
But as Clear points out, “it’s better to do less than you hoped than to do nothing at all,” and with this rule, what you’re really doing is practicing and mastering “the art of showing up.”
Take advantage of automation. According to Clear, “automation can make your good habits inevitable and your bad habits impossible.” For instance, during the year he was writing this book, Clear asked his assistant to reset the passwords on his social media accounts every Monday. On Friday, she’d send him the new passwords, so he could check his social media during the weekend—until Monday morning. This way he could focus on writing—without the temptation to check social media for just 1 minute (which always turns into 5 minutes, and 10 minutes, and then an hour).
What can you automate? Maybe you can have a set amount of money go into your savings account every month or every 2 weeks. Maybe you can have your groceries delivered. Maybe you can have your prescriptions automatically refilled. Maybe you can set up automatic bill pay.
Practice habit-stacking. This simply involves adding your new habit to an existing habit you do every day, which is a method created by BJ Fogg. Here’s the formula: “After [current habit], I will [new habit].”
That is, after you pour your cup of coffee, you’ll meditate for 1 minute. After you sit down to begin dinner, you’ll say one thing you’re grateful for. After you get into bed, you’ll kiss your partner.
Over time, you can create a larger stack of small habits. After pouring your cup of coffee, you’ll meditate for 1 minute. After meditating for 1 minute, you’ll write your to-do list. After writing your to-do list, you’ll immediately start your first task.
When coming up with the cue for your new habit, make sure to be super specific. Saying you’ll do something when you take a break for lunch is vague. Saying you’ll do it after you close your laptop is specific, clear, and actionable.
Building new habits and breaking old ones can seem overwhelming, so we put it off. Or we start, and then very quickly lose steam and stop. Which is why the above tips and insights are so important: If you’re unable to make a change, it’s not because you’re somehow inherently incapable, or a loser who lacks willpower. It’s because you simply need to change directions: You need a strategic, specific, easy, clear-cut system.
And that’s something you can absolutely do.
from World of Psychology http://bit.ly/2W3KyVD
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5 Easy Breakthrough Ways to Build New Habits and Break Old Ones
You’d like to read more regularly. You want to write a novel. You’d like to start running. You’d like to build a new business. You’d like to learn a new language, or play the piano, or paint, or start a journaling practice. You’d like to stop smoking. You’d like to stop using your phone every 5 minutes.
Maybe you’ve been wanting to do these things for a long time now. But you haven’t. Maybe you feel like a failure. Maybe you feel really lazy. Maybe you think you’re incapable or not smart enough or not brave enough. Maybe you start to doubt your desires: If I really wanted to write, wouldn’t I have done it by now? Maybe you think you lack willpower, or discipline, or grit.
You don’t. And you’re not a failure or some incredibly lazy person. You’re none of those things.
Maybe you’ve simply been thinking about change all wrong.
According to James Clear in his insight-filled, practical book Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones, “If you’re having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn’t you. The problem is your system. Bad habits repeat themselves again and again not because you don’t want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change.”
In other words, instead of setting a single goal, and trying to accomplish that goal, and hyper-focusing on the potential results and outcomes, focus on the system.
Clear also stressed the importance of small. As he writes in Atomic Habits, “all big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow.”
Clear defines atomic habits as “both small and mighty.” Atomic habits are a “regular practice or routine that is not only small and easy to do, but also the source of incredible power; a component of the system of compound growth.”
Below, you’ll find five easy breakthrough ways for creating your atomic habits—and breaking an old habit or two from Clear’s excellent, empowering, well-written book.
Focus on your identity. According to Clear, the most effective way to change our habits isn’t to focus on the goals we want to achieve. In contrast, it’s to focus on “who you wish to become.” Because the goal isn’t to read a book, Clear notes, it’s to become a reader. It’s not to learn an instrument, it’s to become a musician.
All of us cling to certain stories about who we are, and who we aren’t, which makes making changes really hard, especially when they supposedly interfere with who we really are. You might think, I’m not a morning person, I’m terrible at math, I’m not creative, I’m not a writer, I’m not good with languages.
For most of his life, Clear didn’t consider himself a writer, and his teachers probably would’ve said he was an average writer at best. However, for a few years, he started publishing an article two days a week. “As the evidence grew, so did my identity as a writer. I didn’t start out as a writer. I became one through my habits.”
So, he writes, every time you write a page, you’re a writer; every time you encourage your employees, you’re a leader. He suggests a two-step process for cultivating new habits: decide who you’d like to be, and then start taking small actions that are consistent with that type of person.
Make your environment work for you. That is, let your environment foster the actions that you’d like to take. This is important because we tend to complicate things, which quickly derails our habits. As Clear writes, “we try to write a book in a chaotic household,” or “we try to concentrate while using a smartphone filled with distractions.” The key is to eliminate any friction that siphons our time and energy, so “we can achieve more with less effort.”
This can look like the following: If you’d like to draw more, Clear writes, “put your pencils, pens, notebooks, and drawing tools on top of your desk, within easy reach.” If you’d like to read before bed, place a book you’re excited about reading on your nightstand or on your pillow, or install the kindle app on your phone.
This sounds super simple, but that’s the point.
We also can make it more difficult to practice old habits we’re trying to break. For instance, while you’re working, Clear says you might leave your phone in a different room, or ask a friend to hide it from you for a few hours, or ask a colleague to hold onto it until lunch (versus keeping it right by your side, or inside a desk drawer for all-too easy access). This way you don’t need to exhaust yourself by relying on willpower or discipline. You’ve made things easy for yourself.
Use the Two-Minute Rule. Clear notes that “a new habit should not feel like a challenge. The actions that follow can be challenging, but the first 2 minutes should be easy. What you want is a ‘gateway habit’ that naturally leads you down a more productive path.” In other words, give yourself 2 minutes to start any habit.
Clear gives these examples in the book: Instead of reading before bed every night, read one page; instead of studying for class, open your notes; and instead of running 3 miles, tie your running shoes.
This might seem counterintuitive because most of us care about the end result, and doing something for 2 minutes just feels so small, maybe even pointless. So often we adopt an all-or-nothing mindset. We want to be big! bold! We want to go all out, all in! And anything less just doesn’t seem worth it.
But as Clear points out, “it’s better to do less than you hoped than to do nothing at all,” and with this rule, what you’re really doing is practicing and mastering “the art of showing up.”
Take advantage of automation. According to Clear, “automation can make your good habits inevitable and your bad habits impossible.” For instance, during the year he was writing this book, Clear asked his assistant to reset the passwords on his social media accounts every Monday. On Friday, she’d send him the new passwords, so he could check his social media during the weekend—until Monday morning. This way he could focus on writing—without the temptation to check social media for just 1 minute (which always turns into 5 minutes, and 10 minutes, and then an hour).
What can you automate? Maybe you can have a set amount of money go into your savings account every month or every 2 weeks. Maybe you can have your groceries delivered. Maybe you can have your prescriptions automatically refilled. Maybe you can set up automatic bill pay.
Practice habit-stacking. This simply involves adding your new habit to an existing habit you do every day, which is a method created by BJ Fogg. Here’s the formula: “After [current habit], I will [new habit].”
That is, after you pour your cup of coffee, you’ll meditate for 1 minute. After you sit down to begin dinner, you’ll say one thing you’re grateful for. After you get into bed, you’ll kiss your partner.
Over time, you can create a larger stack of small habits. After pouring your cup of coffee, you’ll meditate for 1 minute. After meditating for 1 minute, you’ll write your to-do list. After writing your to-do list, you’ll immediately start your first task.
When coming up with the cue for your new habit, make sure to be super specific. Saying you’ll do something when you take a break for lunch is vague. Saying you’ll do it after you close your laptop is specific, clear, and actionable.
Building new habits and breaking old ones can seem overwhelming, so we put it off. Or we start, and then very quickly lose steam and stop. Which is why the above tips and insights are so important: If you’re unable to make a change, it’s not because you’re somehow inherently incapable, or a loser who lacks willpower. It’s because you simply need to change directions: You need a strategic, specific, easy, clear-cut system.
And that’s something you can absolutely do.
from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-easy-breakthrough-ways-to-build-new-habits-and-break-old-ones/
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Three Writing Rules to Disregard
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Three Writing Rules to Disregard
I have nothing against rules. They’re indispensable when playing Monopoly or gin rummy, and their observance can go a long way toward improving a ride on the subway. The rule of law? Big fan.
The English language, though, is not so easily ruled and regulated. It developed without codification, sucking up new constructions and vocabulary every time some foreigner set foot on the British Isles—to say nothing of the mischief we Americans have wreaked on it these last few centuries—and continues to evolve anarchically. It has, to my great dismay, no enforceable laws, much less someone to enforce the laws it doesn’t have.
Certain prose rules are essentially inarguable—that a sentence’s subject and its verb should agree in number, for instance. Or that in a “not only x but y” construction, the x and the y must be parallel elements. Why? I suppose because they’re firmly entrenched, because no one cares to argue with them, and because they aid us in using our words to their preeminent purpose: to communicate clearly with our readers. Let’s call these reasons the Four C’s, shall we? Convention. Consensus. Clarity. Comprehension.
Also simply because, I swear to you, a well-constructed sentence sounds better. Literally sounds better. One of the best ways to determine whether your prose is well constructed is to read it aloud. A sentence that can’t be readily voiced is a sentence that likely needs to be rewritten.
A good sentence, I find myself saying frequently, is one that the reader can follow from beginning to end, no matter how long it is, without having to double back in confusion because the writer misused or omitted a key piece of punctuation, chose a vague or misleading pronoun, or in some other way engaged in inadvertent misdirection. (If you want to puzzle your reader, that’s your own business.)
As much as I like a good rule, I’m an enthusiastic subscriber to the notion of “rules are meant to be broken”—once you’ve learned them, I hasten to add.
But let’s, right now, attend to a few of what I think of as the Great Nonrules of the English Language. You’ve encountered all of these; likely you were taught them in school. I’d like you to free yourself of them. They’re not helping you; all they’re doing is clogging your brain and inciting you to look self-consciously over your own shoulder as you write, which is as psychically painful as it is physically impossible. And once you’ve done that, once you’ve gotten rid of them, hopefully you can put your attention on vastly more important things.
Why are they nonrules? So far as I’m concerned, because they’re largely unhelpful, pointlessly constricting, feckless, and useless. Also because they’re generally of dubious origin: devised out of thin air, then passed on till they’ve gained respectable solidity and, ultimately, have ossified. Language experts far more expert than I have, over the years, done their best to debunk them, yet these made-up strictures refuse to go away and have proven more durable than Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. Put together. Part of the problem, I must add, is that some of them were made up by ostensible and presumably well-meaning language experts in the first place, so getting rid of them can be a bit like trying to get a dog to stop chasing its own tail.
I’ll dispatch these reasonably succinctly, with the hope that you’ll trust that I’ve done my homework and will be happy to see them go. I’m mindful of Gertrude Stein’s characterization of Ezra Pound as “a village explainer, excellent if you were a village, but if you were not, not,” and no one wants to be that guy. Also, if you persist in insisting that these nonrules are real and valid and to be hewed to, all the expert citations in the world won’t, I know through experience, change your mind one tiny little bit.
An admission: Quite a lot of what I do as a copy editor is to help writers avoid being carped at, fairly or—and this is the part that hurts—unfairly, by People Who Think They Know Better and Write Aggrieved Emails to Publishing Houses. Thus I tend to be a bit conservative about flouting rules that may be a bit dubious in their origin but, observed, ain’t hurting nobody. And though the nonrules below are particularly arrant nonsense, I warn you that, in breaking them, you’ll have a certain percentage of the reading and online-commenting populace up your fundament to tell you you’re subliterate. Go ahead and break them anyway. It’s fun, and I’ll back you up.
1. Never Begin a Sentence with “And” or “But.”
No, do begin a sentence with “And” or “But,” if it strikes your fancy to do so. Great writers do it all the time. As do even not necessarily great writers, like the person who has, so far in this essay, done it a few times and intends to do it a lot more.
But soft, as they used to say, here comes a caveat:
An “And” or a “But” (or a “For” or an “Or” or a “However” or a “Because,” to cite four other sentence starters one is often warned against) is not always the strongest beginning for a sentence, and making a relentless habit of using any of them palls quickly. You may find that you don’t need that “And” at all. You may find that your “And” or “But” sentence might easily attach to its predecessor sentence with either a comma or a semicolon. Take a good look, and give it a good think.
Let’s test an example or two.
Francie, of course, became an outsider shunned by all because of her stench. But she had become accustomed to being lonely.
Francie, of course, became an outsider shunned by all because of her stench, but she had become accustomed to being lonely.
Which do you think Betty Smith, the author of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, chose? The former, as it happens. Had I been Smith’s copy editor, I might well have suggested the second, to make one coherent, connected thought out of two unnecessarily separated ones. Perhaps she’d have agreed, or perhaps she’d have preferred the text as she’d written it, hearing it in her head as a solemn knell. Authors do often prefer their text the way they’ve written it.
Here’s another, in two flavors:
In the hospital he should be safe, for Major Callendar would protect him, but the Major had not come, and now things were worse than ever.
In the hospital he should be safe, for Major Callendar would protect him. But the Major had not come, and now things were worse than ever.
This is E. M. Forster, in A Passage to India, and I suspect you’ll not be surprised to learn that version 2 is his. For one thing, version 1’s a bit long. More important, version 2, with that definitive period, more effectively conveys, I’d say, the sense of dashed expectations, the reversal of fortune.
These are the choices that writers make, and that copy editors observe, and this is how you build a book.
One thing to add: Writers who are not so adept at linking their sentences habitually toss in a “But” or a “However” to create the illusion that a second thought contradicts a first thought when it doesn’t do any such thing. It doesn’t work, and I’m on to you.
2. Never Split an Infinitive.
To cite the most famous split infinitive of our era—and everyone cites this bit from the original Star Trek TV series, so zero points to me for originality—“To boldly go where no man has gone before.”
There’s much more—much more—one could say on the subject, but I don’t want to write about the nineteenth-century textual critic Henry Alford any more than you want to read about the nineteenth-century textual critic Henry Alford, so let’s leave it at this: A split infinitive, as we generally understand the term, is a “to [verb]” construction with an adverb stuck in the middle of it. In the Star Trek example, then, an unsplit infinitive version would be “Boldly to go where no man has gone before” or “To go boldly where no man has gone before.” If either of those sounds better to you, be my guest. To me they sound as if they were translated from the Vulcan.
Otherwise, let’s skip right to Raymond Chandler. Again, as with the Star Trek phrase, everyone loves to cite Chandler on this subject, but it’s for a God damn [sic] good reason. Chandler sent this note to the editor of The Atlantic Monthly in response to the copyediting of an article he’d written:
By the way, would you convey my compliments to the purist who reads your proofs and tell him or her that I write in a sort of broken-down patois which is something like the way a Swiss waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will stay split.
Over and out.
3. Never End a Sentence with a Preposition.
This is the rule that invariably (and wearily) leads to a rehash of the celebrated remark by Winston Churchill that Winston Churchill, in reality, neither said nor wrote:
“This is the kind of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put.”
Let me say this about this: Ending a sentence with a preposition (as, at, by, for, from, of, etc.) isn’t always such a hot idea, mostly because a sentence should, when it can, aim for a powerful finale and not simply dribble off like an old man’s unhappy micturition. A sentence that meanders its way to a prepositional finish is often, I find, weaker than it ought to or could be.
What did you do that for?
Why did you do that?
has some snap to it.
But to tie a sentence into a strangling knot to avoid a prepositional conclusion is unhelpful and unnatural, and it’s something no good writer should attempt and no eager reader should have to contend with.
If you follow me.
Benjamin Dreyer is vice president, executive managing editor, and copy chief of Random House. He began his publishing career as a freelance proofreader and copyeditor. In 1993, he became a production editor at Random House, overseeing books by writers including Michael Chabon, Edmund Morris, Suzan-Lori Parks, Michael Pollan, Peter Straub, and Calvin Trillin. He has copyedited books by authors including E. L. Doctorow, David Ebershoff, Frank Rich, and Elizabeth Strout, as well as Let Me Tell You, a volume of previously uncollected work by Shirley Jackson. A graduate of Northwestern University, he lives in New York City.
Excerpted with permission from the new book Dreyer’s English: An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style, by Benjamin Dreyer. Published by Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. Copyright © 2019 by Benjamin Dreyer. All rights reserved.
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Three Writing Rules to Disregard
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