#YOURE RIGHT BUT AT WHAT COST
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I find it a little funny when you put in the tags “delete later” and then you forget and don’t delete it
I'm here for two seconds and nonnies already calling me out 😭
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there's nothing orym would ask of the other hells that he wouldn't do himself, which is sort of the problem, really
#critical role#cr spoilers#orym of the air ashari#bells hells#if you don’t have a homegrown curse you can use to your advantage (moon powers) storebought is fine (deal with a hag)!#and its not even sunk cost fallacy or feeling like he needs to make the deal worth it i think. this is just what he feels is necessary#and its his own self worth and the value he places on his own life vs the importance of this cause. reflected back on the others#how the rest of the hells have adopted this mindset but with wavering conviction and doubt - not really fitting quite right#while it fits orym like a glove. bc that's who he is. it's what he's been taught. bc this conflict is his past and his present#and as far as he's considered it. his future!#me this morning: i will not get back into orymposting. orymposting is the mind killer.#me now:#eta: i guess this could be disputed by him saying fearne would have to be the one to take imogen out pre-solstice.#but i've always seen that as a purely practical 'who would actually be capable of doing this' issue as opposed to sentimentality.#he was fully ready to cut dorian in exu. however he may feel about the act his resolve is not an issue!
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The moment I saw the fast pass preview for episode 83, my mind has been in a constant balance of ‘FUCK YEAH WE’RE GETTING PLUTO BACKSTORY!’ and ‘Oh god we’re getting Pluto backstory’
#WE WERE RIGHT ABOUT HIS FATHER BUT AT WHAT COST…#‘you should be able to take a punch’ BITCH YOU JUST BLINDED YOUR SON#I’ve been dubbing his dad ‘Cronus’ in my head#nevermore#webtoon nevermore#nevermore webtoon#pluto nevermore#nevermore pluto
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current mood: thinking about the unbearable tragedy of lucretia tazbalance
#the way the temporal chalice is the only relic she warns them about#because the power to fix your mistakes is the most tempting thing she can imagine#they way she has to beg her dearest friends not to give into what she knows magnus made with love and hope#the way she looks her beloved brother in the eye and tells him she didn’t have enough faith in him#and that it cost her their family#and has to live with the fact that he just nods along without a hint of recognition#the fact that he still cares for her and supports her and is proud of her even without their history#and she just has to live with that because she can’t go back no matter how much she wants to#i’m onto the rest&relaxation interlude/the eleventh hour today can you tell#god i just have so many fucking feelings about her#all the wrong choices for all the right reasons#taz balance
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Sometimes my MH AUs are about recovery and redemption and hope and basically a ‘What if things got better instead?’ And SOMETIMES I tap my evil fingers together and go “What if I made someone worse. What if I made Brian specifically worse. What if.”
#marble hornets#I’m not saying it’ll become a fully fledged AU but. But.#I’m thinking about it. A little.#What if the guy you were trying to kill was getting better and you just got worse. what then. what if.#are you an executioner? do you still have the right?#the past sins have not been forgotten but do you have the right to take another life?#to which he answers yes. because if he didn’t then all of this would be for nothing and maybe he can’t handle that#is it enough that things get better or do you need your sacrifices to mean something.#all those years. alone. empty. losing yourself. did they mean nothing if he got better.#no. you will make it mean something. no matter the cost.#yeah. that’s the premise basically.
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alright nero damn
#WHERE do i even start with this ohahnd m#ok first of all TOM why is your voice so fucking low???????????????????? like girl.........#i know he's being quiet but it's also so LOW. so murmuring...... so .... IntimateTM#the way they act so TETHERED to one another. the way greg is like OH YEAH for a second i forgot#i am bound to you. so am i gonna be okay bc are you? are WE?#YOURE GONNA GET CASTRATED ON PAY SHUT THE HELL UP NERO!!!!! I KNOW HE AINT SAY THAT ON ACCIDENT#he's still thinking about nero sporus he hasn't forgotten what he said to greg in that office he still feels the same way#greg is his sporus now and forever i'm suprised he didn't drop the sporus right there tbh#but i think i can keep you girl i KNOW that is all you are thinking about. that is a top fucking priority for you. you want to keep greg#at all costs. your job yeah you want that and all but the Real reason you want it all is to keep greg with you just SAY that#i mean. you did but still#also stop looking at him like that by talos!!!!!! it gets worse by the day i s2g#tom [looking at greg like he's his entire world]: die#ALSO THE WAAAAY HE TOUCHED GREG TWICE AFTER#cant just touch him once huh. touching his face tenderly is NOT ENOUGH i Must touch his shoulder too. more touching. he is mine btw#tomgreg
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I made Hifumi's earrings!! **
#wow i actually did it#this is what happens when you're in a chinese shop and your eyes catch the right corner#so happy with the result!!#hypnosis mic#hypmic#hm#hifumi izanami#izanami hifumi#anime cosplay#anime#manga#jrap#japanese rap#japanese music#cosplay#low cost cosplay
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The 1x00 AHiB -> 4x06 glowup
#this just reminded me I need to make a ''being there for your friends when they need you'' post#because that shit is EVERYWHERE#LIKE THAT'S ALL THEY FUCKING TALK ABOUT#''It's okay sandy! You're always there for us when we need you. The least we can do is be there for you when you need us.'' (4x06)#''No! Mei is my best friend. I'd never abandon her when she needs me—we're heroes! It's what we do!'' (3x10)#''You don't know! We'd risk it for sure! I won't abandon them when they need us'' (4x02)#''As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend- I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me.'' (2x08)#''Wukong only values people by how useful they are to him'' (3x08)#''No no honestly—this is exactly what I need right now. I'm trapped under a mountain- but the 6-earred macaque brought me a peach!''#(4x11)#Literally just the shit off of the top of my head#and then. And then that in contrast with#''I get it. I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?'' LIKE GOD DAMMIT LEGOS#You took the basic bitch ''Help you friends'' theme and went ''But what if helping your friend hurt others'' like come on man#Hello#Where am I#I'm dying. I'm dying#Okay imma go do hw......I guess....whatever....#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk parallels#lmk Sandy#lmk Mei#lmk Pigsy#lmk Tang#OH GOD ALSO. ''I will become someone they can depend on...the way I can always depend on them!'' (3x08)#AND#''But you're always there when I need you- so it's time for me to return the favor!'' (2x04)#Which also just ties into ''we'll figure this out together'' as a whole right#what. ever.
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I have successfully boiled my problem with most of the izzy reads that i hate down to a sentence:
he's not sexually repressed, he's emotionally repressed.
#they are different and ihave paragraphs and paragraphs of thoughts on it#but dressing like a leather daddy and holding your hand over an open flame and literally everything else he does#is not the behavior of a man who doesn't know or realize what gets him going#he's not closeted. he's not homophobic. he thinks having Any Positive Emotion not related to violence makes you vulnerable#[and he's right for his experience and circumstance but i won't touch that now]#his conflict is emotional; ed's ability to captain isn't compromised by his being attracted to a man. it's compromised by Having Feelings.#their ability to survive a world that wants them dead isn't compromised by either of them being queer; it's compromised by being SOFT#by having WEAK SPOTS#pets are a weak spot. lovers are a weak spot. get rid of them to stay safe. not out of spite.#not out of a disdain for those relationships themselves. out of disdain for what Feelings Do To You#idk man maybe i am simply emphatic about this nuance because i get—more than I would like—the impulse to be SAFE#even at the cost of your self and some chances at being happier#he doesn't even care that lucius is gay in the deck scene and i'd go so far as to say he doesn't really care that lucius is slutty#insofar as. like. he doesn't know him and pete are open. from a monogamy-normative perspective it's a betrayal.#your partner being unfaithful when you expect them To Be is ALSO A THING THAT CAN GET YOU KILLED#like idk i just. i think people don't get how much of him is about safety?#and i know the show's created this atmosphere of 'homophobia isn't a real threat'#but they haven't removed the violence and danger crews other than stede face for Other Reasons#so. he's very security-driven. and that's why he speaks to me.#and it's annoying that people just make 'lol izzy's closeted' 'peak homophobic gay' jokes instead of. engaging. with the shit izzy AND ED#went through to make them emotionally closed off the way they are#THE SENTENCE IS A SENTENCE BUT THE EXPLANATION SURE ISNT
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""""um well kon and bart have to go into space/the future to get involved with weird shenanigans"""" my GOD. youre in the comics fandom read a Fucking Comic now and then maybe
#rimi talks#wipes tear. you are all so fucking annoying <3#its really just so. if you haven't read any comics about a character. you can simply Not Make Sweeping Claims about them#it costs a grand total of $0!!! thats right!! $0 to simply not talk about things if you dont know what youre saying. btw#i kinda admire the confidence to just say shit thats Completely incorrect with your full chest though!#rolls my eyes loudly. anyways.
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tumblr and social media in general has created a bizarre version of the free rider problem where not only do people not financially support websites that they use daily, but they actively shame the people who do. the obstructionist rider problem.
like the typical free rider problem applied here would be like - ao3 is supported by donations, and only a fraction of the people who use the website donate. ao3 meets its goals, though, so thats fine, but then theres a weird crop of people who are like - not only are we going to continue to use ao3 and not donate towards its maintenance, but were going to belittle anyone who does, despite the fact that ao3 would not exist anymore without donations
so not only are you a free rider, you are standing in the doorway of the bus trying to stop other paying riders from getting on, which begs the question of like, why are you on this bus to begin with, if you dont pay for it and you dont want other people to pay for it, what exactly is it that you want this bus to do.
#i saw people complaining about whatever crab day is and its like#thats fine#dont do it yourself#but that shit funds the website you are currently using right now#so now youre like not only failing to contribute#youre actively shaming the people who DO contribute#like what is the end goal of this thinking#just let everything we enjoy fail#like no matter what websites cost money so if you arent personally paying for it#i feel like you have limited space to complain about how it runs if you continue to use it.#theres exceptions to that but like as a general rule of thumb#best guess i have is that its some kind of envy#they have no intentions of leaving ao3 and no intent to donate#so they envy the people who at least are able to be comfortable with their use of the website
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To anyone in the TUC fandom who has looked at AHS and skipped it because they heard the ending is happy...
... and then assumed that it's just a wish fulfillment "ideal reality" kind of outcome of the TUC story that cuts all of the depth, pain, and realism ... Go back and read it right now.
Because that is not what AHS is. Not even close.
AHS is not "my version" of TUC where I just change whatever I dislike without regard for themes or characters in the original. Far from it. One of the main goals I had was actually to give more of the Underland. More characterization (that aligns with canon, although some characters develop in a different direction because of shifts in circumstances), more worldbuilding (that coincides with canon, adding onto it), ... just more, period.
The best way I can describe what it actually is is honestly saying that AHS is to TUC like Marvel's "What if ...?" is to the MCU. It is quite literally a "What if Henry had survived his fall at the end of "Gregor the Overlander"?" And I kid you not, 95% of the changes in the story, compared to TUC, are simply a result of exactly this change.
But the entire plot of the final book is different, right? Well, I didn't say that the consequences of that one change weren't substantial. They are. Without spoiling too much I can only say that Henry happens to be an optimist, and it also happens that an optimist was exactly what the TUC story needed to achieve a happier outcome.
Anyone who has actually read my version of the CoC plot will tell you that it is far from ideal, perfect, or pain-free. A lot more happens in the actual plot, but most of those new events are there to serve the dark, violent nature of war. There's so much talk about loss, and sacrifice, exploration of (also the dark side of) heroism, and whether "for the greater good" is worth it. There's corruption and death, injustice, and grappling with unkind fates and alienation/rejection.
Now, I will admit that I did put less emphasis on the societal pressure aspect of CoC, but mainly because that theme is a huge part of AHS 2 already, and it did not really fit this part of the story anymore. Instead, "Gregor against society" becomes "Questers against society" (quite literally, since they are — small spoiler — banding together to actually overthrow Solovet and bring about change.)
BUT ... if there is corruption, death, and the violence of war, how is it happier then? How can it have a happy ending?
Very simply because it is not only corruption but also redemption. Not only death and suffering but also growth and gain. Not only violence and breaking of relationships but also companionship, hope, and mending of relationships.
... The main change that happens to be so powerful it can give this series a happy ending without disrespecting or abandoning its original gritty violent core is ... a shift in mindset toward the positive. For Gregor, but also for everyone else. One of the main themes I added is the exploration of the double-edged nature of things: Everything has good and bad consequences. What we take away from it is what we choose to focus on.
Now you might see better what I meant by "All this series needed was an optimist" earlier. If there were someone to remind people of the bright side, to remind Gregor that his rager power does not make him evil and that he is never alone or choiceless, to embody this hopeful outlook and bring it out in everything ... I promise to you that this is all it would have taken.
And this is what I'm giving you.
#gregor the overlander#the underland chronicles#suzanne collins#tuc#underland chronicles#a henry story#ahs#ahs is actually so far from happy go lucky or lighthearted#like so incredibly far#it has made so many people cry#hope and optimism do NOT mean lighthearted and fun#yes it gives belonging and family#but at what cost#hope means clinging to hope in your darkest hours#when everything seems lost and everyone is against you#when everything wants you to give up#choosing heroism when you have every right to just become a villain is also a huge thing#what it means to have power over your own fate and make your own choices too#tight knit found family against society#fighting and sacrificing your own happiness and yourself to bring about needed changes#to create a better future#you guys literally do not understand how much#gregor and the code of claw#one of my main gripes with coc is its lack of nuance in how it looks at pain and loss#everything has a price#but everything also has a gain#it just depends on learning to look at it the right way
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i finally finished High Noon Over Camelot. I am...........unwell
#Trans rights and trans wrongs and poly rights and poly wrongs but at what cost#Moral of the story is that you can avoid your tragic ending if- 1)you remember and accept trans people exist and 2) dont be xenophobic#But it really gets me that The Mechs like supported Mordred in him wanting peace#They were at his side! Even if Gawain and Arthur believed him to be weak the narrative was on his side#And the tragedy was that he lost faith in his ideals because of the cruelties of his world#Also why are so many people are like 'haha tragedy could have been averted if Galahad hadnt sit on ppl killing chair'#When like the only reason they all had a fighting chance for a happy ending was because of him#And the sacrifices he made because he genuinely wanted everyone to survive. Both by sitting on ppl killing chair and by sacrificing himself#(Even if it was all for naught)#justiceformyman. So what if he is so intense he comes across as every single stereotypical corrupt crazed priest/cult leader#Anyway my favourite songs were Hellfire and Skin and Bone#high noon over camelot#the mechanisms#galahad hnoc#arthur hnoc#guinevere hnoc#lancelot hnoc#hnoc#mordred hnoc#gawain hnoc#drumbot brian#special shoutout to him. He was trying his best#empty thoughts
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let me preface this by clarifying i am not anti therapy in any way whatsoever and in fact encourage people to get therapy if they can and even go the extra step to help friends find the right type of therapy that may help them
ok now that that's out of the way.
therapy is bullshit man you go to a therapist saying "hey. i wanna kill myself. can you help me stop wanting to kill myself somehow?" and they go "sure! first step, stop wanting to kill yourself" and you say "well i can't. that's why i came to you. bc i don't know. how to stop wanting to kill myself" and they'll say "that's a shame. i can't help you if you want to kill yourself. that'll be 125$ please"
#mad abt my old therapist again#even checked the cost of sessions in usd to make this accessible. came out to be 124$ and a bit. and i did that on a weekly basis for YEARS#and i'm extra mad bc trying to find a new therapist is already hard esp with bpd where your options are very limited as is#but when they ask abt my history with therapy and they ask why i stopped seeing him after years. what am i supposed to say#so that scares them off and they say they can't help me or they're like. scared to go deep with me ig. bc idk. they're scared I'll snap?#what am i supposed to do. hospitalizing myself isn't an option obvs. what is there left.#it feels like a cycle#like. 'i can't help you if you don't want to help yourself'. but i need help even figuring out how to want that#and it's not like ppl in my life know how to help. tbh they usually make it worse. so loved ones aren't an option and professionals aren't -#- an option. so what is there left. how am i supposed to do a thing that comes naturally to others but not to me#even with medication even being in a recovery program i want to kms more than i used to for years#I'm supposedly taking the right steps. but. to get metaphorical ig. the road is crumbling and there's nowhere to go#and that only makes me spiral more. despite taking the right steps i feel like i'm only getting worse. there's no hope for me. lol#vent#suicide //#negative //#ask to tag#i need a good cry like full-on sobbing and screaming but unfortunately. i became too emotionally constipated for that
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also was revisiting a little bmc bway interview ft. william last night & him saying his favorite part of the show was probably doing the agtikbi reprise scene on the couch at the party & mentioning the Nonverbal aspect of jeremy & christine's interacting / communicating there & a way of exploring/depicting Love & Affection in a way you don't always see everywhere and like aaaarghhhhh so true good lord that specific scene. and Again the bway obcr version Existing and being like that, it's just like. winded exhale yeah obsessed 5ever thank you all
#sooo true so true....#bmc#love putting it right in like the eye of the storm#both of them basically just having had these breakups & with jeremy that means mitb scene And [all of that A Time he had prior]#also now reflecting on how you know obviously he was Not ready to hear it w/michael & ofc he was affected by what all Just happened#but it's also like probably the worst time to be very pushy even with the best intentions & thinking it's Urgent & right abt all that lmao#but jeremy's Just had like whoops autonomy revoked ten ways to sunday from two different squip figures like#even [being correct! having jeremy's wellbeing in mind!] behind trying to yank him into some outcome; he's gonna be like Not Again#& ofc the sunk cost re: his squip & he has not had time to catch his breath like literally; not in a place to Confront Shit#if even his missed bestie is; from his perspective here; not at all comforting & not giving him what he feels is a real option....#& anyways ofc we can sympathize / understand them both b/c that's what the show is giving at all moments re all characters#all this to say like jeremy & christine like having such a time being very at sea very uncomfortable but then having This moment#and the refreshment & relief finally of having this successful genuine connection & relative security being with this person rn#love & affection for sure....just say what's on your mind....lord first of all that they improvise those Noises every night. i'm gonna cry#second of all imagining not knowing how that scene goes & the pause & jeremy like [augh] & then christine just Yes Anding. aaaugh#head in hands haven't even relistened for a moment despite all this reflection. the downtempo quiet reprise waaah#it's Pretty killer to sit & chat with you....it's pretty killer for me too....sooo true Not getting this everywhere always & Waaugh ;;m;;#and wasn't even thinking of it as a joke like [and talking about devote specific focus on the Nonverbal aspect of such a scene: im putting#my hands on the shoulders of that & keep drawing a deep breath to start talking abt it but instead going Whew & making Expressions]#i.e. the significance of my nonverbal response as per conveying emotions & thoughts lmao. and just....You Know
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*Vibrates with a rage so potent it transports me to Washington to puch all of the uselss spineless piece of shit putin jerking off republicans throwing bitchfits about "border securty" while Ukraine NEEDS the funding they're blocking in the fucking face*
#not an actionable threat but god I wish it was#Obviously I care about other things too but this is my mantle#IT COSTS ONE TEENY TINY BIT OF YOUR DEFENCE BUDGET#And you fucks can pretend to care about your own people all you want lets be real you DON'T#Fucking disgusting useless GHOULS#& there are MANY reasons to hate them but GOD is this ever one of them#I sweaer to fucking GOD if they pull the plug on ukraine. You're doing the right thing for FUCKING ONCE IN YOUR HISTORY YOU USELSS FUCKS#GIVE UKRAINE EVEN A 4TH OF WHAT YOU GIVE ISRAEL (talking about the money/weapons specifically#Obviously we should all care about the Palestinian people too. like I said Ukraine is just MY mantle)#kat gets personal#me#politics#current events
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