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oselatra · 6 years

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2018 fall Arkansas music preview

From Salty Dogs to Squirrel Nut Zippers

"Middlemarch" author George Eliot claimed once that if he were a bird, he'd fly around the world "seeking the successive autumns." It's a lovely idea, but then, George Eliot was not a bird. Nor was he George Eliot or even a he, for that matter, but that's a story for another day. What's really important for you this crisp season, music lover, is to spread your wings into the sleeves of your snuggliest sweater and seize the only autumn you've got right in front of you — this one. It's the one in which the Dirty Dozen Brass Band, Lee Bains III & The Glory Fires and a drag queen named Trixie Mattel land in Pulaski County within a fortnight's span. It's the one where a 6-foot-8 clown with a supple voice interprets David Bowie and R.E.M. on the stage of a technical college in North Little Rock. It's the one where hometown heroes like The Salty Dogs and Mulehead and Akeem Kemp share calendar space with Buddy Guy, the Moscow Ballet, Toby Keith, Gucci Mane and The Drive-By Truckers. See our calendar wrap beginning on page 15 for a statewide guide; meanwhile, here's a quick rundown of some of that aural inspiration, well worth seeking.

The ever-intense Malcolm Holcombe is returning to the legendary White Water Tavern, where he'll officially release his latest, "Come Hell or High Water," at the venerable joint Sept. 20. That same day, Buddy Guy, 82-year-old Chess Records house guitarist and Checkerboard Lounge owner-turned-blues legend, performs at the University of Central Arkansas's Reynolds Performance Hall in Conway.

Touring in support of their album, "Arkansas," John Oates (of Hall & Oates) and the Good Road Band come to Oaklawn's Finish Line Theater in Hot Springs Sept. 21. On the same night, tremolo lovers in Little Rock can probably catch organist Kimberly Marshall's free concert at St. Luke's Episcopal Church and still make it to the Rev Room's "Fabulous Freddie Mercury Tribute" featuring Randall Shreve at 10 p.m.

On Sept. 22, jump back to the '90s with the Toadies at the Rev Room, catch Royal Thunder and Headcold with Or at the White Water Tavern, or drink in Claude Bourbon at Hibernia Irish Tavern's hosting of an installment from the Little Rock Folk Club series. The Stardust Big Band floats into the Arlington Hotel's Crystal Ballroom in Hot Springs Sept. 23. Jazz and parks are two great tastes that taste great together, with a free Jazz in the Park concert from the Rodney Block Collective Sept. 26 at Riverfront Park's History Pavilion. That night, Sunflower Beam rises at Stickyz.

Amythyst Kiah shines at South on Main's Oxford American Concert Series Sept. 27, while the Randy Rogers Band rides high at the Rev Room. And, if you're ready for some Southern-style storytelling, it won't get much better than West Monroe, La., native musician/poet Kevin Gordon's appearance at The Joint's Potluck and Poison Ivy, also Sept. 27. (If the casserole has leaves of three, let it be.)

No wave scenester and actor/singer/poet Lydia Lunch (nee Lydia Koch) comes to Four Quarter Bar Sept. 28. Lunch is performing with composer Weasel Walter, bassist Tim Dahl and original Sonic Youth drummer Bob Bert; Mouton and Listen Sister open. Over at the White Water Tavern, Danville sage William Blackart releases his latest record, "Return," with support from Colour Design and Fiscal Spliff. Also that evening is a concert from Pine Bluff native Mark Edgar Stuart at South on Main, as well as "Gershwin: Remembrance and Discovery," an Arkansas Sounds-presented concert from Richard Glazier, who'll interpret the work of the second-generation Jewish American who crystallized the American songbook.

Then, get the bucket brigade ready for the Arkansas Symphony Orchestra's interpretation of "Sorcerer's Apprentice" Sept. 29-30 at Robinson Center Performance Hall. Should you find yourself in the Spa City, check out May the Peace of the Sea Be With You, Mouton and Fiscal Spliff at Maxine's Sept. 29. Zipped back up again, Squirrel Nut Zippers (with Arkansas son-in-law Jimbo Mathus at the helm) visit the Rev Room Oct. 3.

The always-anticipated Hot Water Hills Music & Arts Festival goes up at Hill Wheatley Plaza in Hot Springs Oct. 5-6, with headliners Larkin Poe, Broncho, J.D. Wilkes and more. And, if you missed J.D. Wilkes at Hot Water Hills, catch him at the White Water Tavern Oct. 6 — that is, if you're not at the Rev Room the same night conducting some soul re-examination to the tune of Amasa Hines.

Lagniappe performs for Arkansas Times' "R&B: Rhythm & Blues, Ribs & Butts" at Argenta Plaza Oct. 7. RuPaul's Drag Race champion Trixie Mattel struts her stuff at Robinson Center Performance Hall Oct. 9. On Oct. 11, Lee Bains III & The Glory Fires burn down the house — and the racist patriarchal establishment, for that matter — at the White Water Tavern. Kings Live Music in Conway hosts a show from Arkansas Times staff faves The Rios Oct. 13. Guitarist Brooke Miller, hailed as an heir apparent to fellow Canadian songstress Joni Mitchell, plays at The Joint Theater & Coffeehouse as a guest of the Argenta Acoustic Music Series on Oct. 18. Also that evening, the Oxford American Concert Series hosts a show from Bernice, La., soul singer Robert Finley, recently and rightfully returned to the stage's limelight.

The Dirty Dozen Brass Band is the tip of the multigenerational NOLA iceberg at UA Pulaski Tech's Center for Humanities and Arts for "Take Me to the River" Oct. 22. Also: Hey youuu guys! It's the electric 86-year-old national treasure Rita Moreno at UCA's Reynolds Performance Hall Oct. 23! Thankfully not a Rolling Stones tribute band of the era, but a Virginia-based string band from the Blue Ridge Mountains, The Steel Wheels, rolls into South on Main Oct. 28. Frankie Valli trots out the hits — and the falsetto — at Verizon Arena Nov. 9, and later that weekend, the ASO takes on the work of a beloved English composer with "Elgar's Enigma," Nov. 10-11. Stuart Baer brings his capable keyboard work to Sherwood's Amy Sanders Library as part of CALS's "Sounds in the Stacks" series Nov. 13. Mountain Sprout gets rowdy at Kings Live Music Nov. 17.

Garvan Woodland Gardens is showing its true colors this fall with a series of November events at its Anthony Chapel: Tom Christopher's tribute to Elvis Presley on the 19th; a holiday concert from Sharon Turrentine on Nov. 25; and a choral concert from Voices Rising on Nov. 28.

This pity party requires audience participation! Puddles Pity Party, the sad clown with the golden voice, croons classic rock covers with a twist to UA Pulaski Tech's CHARTS on Dec. 1. If you need to skip the sorrow and head to straight to the Five Finger Death Punch, you'll find it that very same night with Breaking Benjamin at Verizon Arena.

Finally, and maybe it's much too early in the game, but what are you doing New Year's Eve? The Squarshers and Jamie Lou and the Hullabaloo are holding down the countdown fort at Kings Live Music in Conway.

2018 fall Arkansas music preview

#2018 fall Arkansas music preview

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chimpanzeemusic · 6 years

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We wandered along the edge of the deepening canyon. With every step, the stream’s chill, clear waters cut ever more deeply into the volcanic basalt that formed the ground beneath our feet. Gusts of wind pulled on the storm-twisted shrubs and tawny shocks of long grasses, pausing to tug at our jackets before rushing down to join the water cascading steadily into a valley hazey with distance. We stopped and squinted again at the black and white map we’d printed off at a cafe and compared it with a picture we’d taken of a map on a sign the day before. Somewhere in Colombia’s Los Nevados National Park, we guessed we were in the Valle de los Perdidos. What we didn’t have to guess was that we were lost.

As a side note: thank you, America, for having drinking fountains. On another note: thank you, Colombia, for having syrup chicken.

Some days prior we’d arrived in Bogotá on a Sunday, and on a holiday, Dia de la Virgen. Consequently, the city of eight million souls had felt almost deserted. We’d known immediately what we wanted to do in Colombia: we sought the páramo, the high-altitude tropical grasslands so characteristic of the Andes. We managed to find the National Parks office downtown and discovered when they opened (a day later) and when we returned that their own maps and information on their parks, well, sucked. National parks in America arebasically chock-full of maps, info and trail routes you can grab from a visitors’ center with as easily as you’d find a drinking fountain. As a side note: thank you, America, for having drinking fountains.On another note: thank you, Colombia, for having syrup chicken.

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There was enough information to figure out which parks were closest to us and Bogotá, and with the help of some outdated guidebooks we’d sniffed out in a secondhand bookshop we’d ultimately selected the promising slopes of Los Nevados National Park. The bus ride to the town nearest its base was a thrilling introduction to one of South America’s most beautiful and often shunned countries possessed of all the amenities a world traveler could ever desire. “Hey, Shawn, look, they have food here! There’s bananas! Also, rice!”

They even have those beefed-up weasel things!

Indeed, the casual charm of nearby Ecuador and the ever-Instagrammable llamas of Macchu Picchu—paired with Colombia’s decades of rebel insurgencies and drug wars— seems to have dissuaded many travelers from visiting Colombia. Things have been on a slow chill-out since 2012, though, and a final peace accord was ratified on November 29, 2016, like, at least a week and a half before we bothered to show up. Correspondingly tourists are a flockin’. Flockin’ tourists. All up in Colombia’s bizness.

Passing through the larger city of Ibague, we finished our bus ride in Armenia. Armenia, Colombia, is incredibly like Cotopaxi, Colorado and Cuba, New Mexico (both of which I’d seen in the weeks prior) in that it scarcely resembles its foreign namesake. Fascinating, I know. Somewhat more interestingly, According to a Wikipedia article without any sourcing, “it is believed that the name [of the city] was changed to Armenia after the country of the same name, in memory of the Armenian people murdered by the Turkish Ottomans in the Hamidian Massacres of 1894–97 and later the Armenian Genocide of 1915–23.”

The tourist office informed us hikes into the páramo could only be done with a local guide, and so they’d gotten rid of all local maps that showed us the way to go.

We stopped at an hospedaje in Armenia and ferreted out some basic topographic maps of the national park with Google-fu. The next morning, we took a minivan uphill to the small town of Salento, which we walked around in search of additional information. The tourist office—according to old blogs, a good source of mountain intel—now informed us hikes into the páramo could only be done with a local guide, and so they’d gotten rid of all local maps that showed us the way to go. But if we wanted, they explained, they knew a guide who could take us where we wanted to go, for a reasonable price. We said thanks, said we’d keep them in mind, and marched off to the mercado, where we bought some bread and apples. Back in the main square of Salento we hopped aboard one of the many tourist jeeps that regularly ferried tourists uphill towards the famed Cocora Valley, an Instagram-famous land replete with wax palm trees whose lofty fronds once soared above the rainforest canopy and now stood vigil picturesquely above grassy, denuded slopes of grazing cattle.

We decided the Cocora Valley would best be enjoyed as the downhill section of a loop, and so we instead set off towards up the first bit of the loop, a side canyon leading to a placed boasting to be the Casa de los Colibris—the Hummingbird House.

As we advanced beneath lumbering packs, we attempted to avoid stepping in water and mud, which Shawn was able to do for a grand total of three seconds when a stream-embedded log capsized underfoot. We eventually made it to a hummingbird sanctuary which was full of, like, day-tripping Europeans drinking tea and stuff. As we sipped the warm, sweet cinnamon tea we’d purchased we happily discovered an old topographic map affixed to the wall. The caretakers told us the páramo was still several hours uphill. Unfamiliar with the path and just a couple hours from dusk, we decided to stay the night and resume our trek early in the morning. We paid them a couple of dollars and slept on the floor of a wooden building still under construction, doors left open to the mist that crept in as the sun set.

COATI TIME!!

Out on the trail the next morning, we passed two men folding a tarp in a trailside clearing in the early light. Dressed in knee-high rubber boots, shorts and t-shirts, one wore a white beanie, the other donned a bowler hat and carried juggling pins. Just then, a group of European trekkers descended in boots slathered with mud. Their Colombian guide seemed upset when he learned we were on our own. “You need a guide,” he said sternly, “the National Park guard at the park border won’t let you pass on your own. Also, not only could you get lost in the fog, you could die.” We shrugged at his empty warning—we’d died inside long ago. The group then continued onward, the guide apparently forgetting to ask our Colombian companions where their guide was.

Alone again with our new Colombian friends, we learned their names and talked a little bit more. Somewhat dismissively, I decided they seemed friendly, buena onda chaps but people I’d likely never see again, being the expert hiker and Fast-Walker-Up-Things I so obviously was. We bid them good-luck and good-bye, and good-walked all up the trail at a good pace.

Before long, we came across the National Park office, inhabited by a kind human being and a raucous, tethered dog. We didn’t ask this kind sir if two Americans needed a guide, and neither did he. Instead, he gestured for us to sign our names on the trail register and he told us about a time when he’d spied the elusive Andean sun bear, a shy species that eats a nutritious variety of bromeliads, grubs, and Michael Bolton fans. He told us one of the greatest difficulties in managing the park was the presence of families who had been settled on the high plain a generation or two ago, and now they had always lived there, darnit, depending on cattle to eke out an existence. The cows pooped everywhere, he complained, and their manure tainted many of the streams and rivers the cities below depended on for water, including the brook that ran nearby. Cows, I concluded, are terrible people.

We’d packed some snazzy Gatorade-brand protein bars, a strange colloid of high-tech Rice Krispies and caramel whey stuff generously lacquered in chocolate-flavored palm oil coating.

Wheezing, hungry and sun bear sighting-less, we busted out our grub for lunch, consisting of the last of our bread and apples from the Salento mercado and some snazzy Gatorade-brand protein bars, a strange colloid of high-tech Rice Krispies and caramel stuff generously lacquered in chocolate-flavored palm oil coating. “This is delicious,” remarked Shawn, and I agreed. We’d packed enough for the duration of our journey in the páramo, some three dozen 250-calorie packages of coagulated-whey America.

Whilst we feasted upon this chocolaty bounty, we were joined by Camilo and Andres, who apparently hadn’t been trailing too far behind us. After chatting for a bit. we started up the hill again, this time together. The trail was a downright slog, ofttimes covered wholesale by deep patches long blob areas of mud. Resistance was futile, and before long our shoes and legs had been assimilated by the mountain.

Weary hours passed as we made our way beneath the drab green cloud forest canopy, each tree trunk and branch covered in a profusion of feathered, silvery lichens, ruddy mosses, and bright fungi.

The 50% Great Worm

Abruptly, the thick forest gave way to amber sedges and tufted grass. Interspersed among the lower vegetation were curious plants, solitary stalks the width of a child’s wrist growing anywhere from several inches to several times the height of a deer in platform shoes. Topping these stalks were leaves covered in fuzz, a soft, green flannel. These curious plants, these frailejónes, indicated we had reached the páramo.

Camilo, Andres, Shawn and I rejoiced as we followed the trail up tawny ridges, marveling at the views and shivering as the alpine winds–no longer slowed by trees–tore at us and our belongings.

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At length, the trail led us to a farmhouse and hospedaje, the first of two in the area. But we had a tent we’d lugged up the mountain, darnit, so we advanced on to the second hospedaje, leaving Camilo and Andres behind.

begone, peasant…

A European sort excoriated us when we told him we’d flown to Colombia and would be flying out. We took no offense, knowing without having to ask he’d walked slowly across the entire Atlantic seafloor from Western Europe to arrive.

The hospedaje was a bit further than it’d been made out to be. Even if we’d wanted, they didn’t have any available rooms with beds—a European tour group presently infested these—but they did have a toilet, and this sneaky fancy-person house feature nabbed us right in the comfort organ, pzang! For a couple dollars we set up our tent in a room consisting of a concrete floor walled off from the wind. Our shoes were a mess from the day’s mud slog, so after a scrub in a tiny rivulet we hung them by their shoelaces on the eaves of the house, where they dripped and swung in the stiff nighttime wind. We talked a bit with the other guests; one guy who told us the national park was under threat of huge mining developments and another sort who excoriated us when we told him we’d flown to Colombia and would be flying out. We took no offense, knowing without having to ask he’d walked slowly across the entire Atlantic seafloor from Western Europe to arrive.

View from the hospedaje, and a distant valley to be explored some other day

We woke up before dawn and set out for some hot springs a number of miles away. The hike was visually nice and not too chilly. As we walked, we breakfasted on a protein bar each. We’d now eaten them for three straight meals, and they didn’t seem to be as good as we first remembered them.

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We dropped in elevation from our spot the night before, passing through frailejónes and emerging onto a flat, grassy plain. Uphill to our right, a 20 m waterfall slipped over orange-ish rocks, indicating geothermal activity. Ahead of us, the trail seemed to go through the center of the wide plain and through a herd of cows.

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We walked for a while, the trail petering out. We continued gamely, figuring it would re-appear as is often the case with less-used trails. It didn’t, but we headed anyways in the general direction we thought we were supposed to be following and walked along an chill river which deepened into a gully, then a gulch, then grew into a canyon. We kept the canyon to our left side, still keeping a lookout for the trail. Ahead, the canyon could be seen descending far, far, below. It didn’t look impassable, but it also seemed… wrong.

The canyon begins to deepen

It was almost as if OKAY LOOK WE GOT LOST AND I THINK THIS HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED I HAVE RUN OUT OF FANCY FEAST DESCRIPTION POINTS FOR THIS OTTER MEMORY AND IF I KNEW HOW WE HAD GOTTEN LOST WE WOULDN’T HAVE DONE SO so anyways we finally halted when a steep ravine cut across our path from the right, and consulted what little information we had. A future version of ourselves would have a GPS-enabled smartphone with offline locating-powers to divine our location, but present-us had a small paper map, some grainy pictures and a desire to not lose any more of our hard-gained elevation. Maybe… eating would help us think. “Hey, do you want a protein bar?” I asked my brother, waggling one temptingly in front of his face. “Ugh,” he said in revilement, and rose to leave instead. “You might be lost,” he continued, “but I was just a little disoriented. The trail is up that way.” He pointed up the ravine towards Tolima above. “Good thing it’s not foggy.”

We climbed for a while, seeing nothing besides sweet fuzz-plants and weird moss.

Then, movement, up ahead. Two figures picked their way into the ravine—one with a beanie, the other with a bowler hat and juggling pins: Camilo and Andres.

Enthused but tired, we slithered up to meet them with the sudden enthusiasm of weasels that have just encountered a roadkilled ‘possum—astounded, thrilled.

Enthused but tired, we slithered up to meet them with the sudden enthusiasm of weasels that have just encountered a roadkilled ‘possum—astounded, thrilled. They seemed pleased, but not surprised to see us. They’d also lost the path for a bit, but had stayed closer to the mountain above and hadn’t gotten lost. As we chatted, I noticed what appeared to be a twisted piece of aluminum, two feet long, torn jaggedly at the edges and bearing many small rivets. Curious.

We left the ravine together, Shawn and I trudging from exhaustion. The trail would rise and fall several times and traverse some marshy, sulfurous areas before finally cresting a ridge somewhere around 13,500) feet elevation.

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We dropped and walked around a bend and beheld a green carpet of verdant grass far below us. A handful of small corrugated-roof buildings clustered alongside two small pools which steamed visibly. We had arrived at the hot springs. (12,795 ft elevation)

We sat in the warm waters of the pool and soaked as the the sun set. We’d hiked up the hill above the settlement fifty feet at a time before we’d collapse to the grass, breathing ragged with exhaustion. “Why… why are we so tired?” Shawn muttered querulously, “The elevation… maybe?” We were somewhere around 13,000 feet, so this was certainly part of it, but it didn’t seem complete. I was doing better, overall, and this gave me an idea. “Shawn, how many of those bars did you eat?” “Bars?” “The protein bars.” “Oh. Gross. Um, one in the morning, one later… two?” ‘You’ve eaten 500 calories today. I’ve eaten 750. We should be eating maybe… 3,000 calories each up here. That’s why we can hardly move.” Indeed, though our bodies desperately needed food, our minds had concluded nauseously we they wanted nothing to do with our Gatorade-endorsed mainstay. Unfortunately, it was also all we had left. We weren’t in danger of running out, but actually stomaching the things was becoming most unpleasant.

View above the hot springs, our green tent can be seen below. Note where grazing takes place.

The view from the top of the ridge had been tremendous, but the simmering waters of the springs were better. It was easy to forget we had been too weak to reach the very top of the hill, and more relaxing to consider the mysterious pictographs we’d seen on the rocks partway up the slope. The caretaker didn’t know how old they were, but by their faded condition it seemed people had been visiting this area for a very long time. What kind of world had it been, then? Did people live up here? How far had the cloud forests extended below? Had there been pizza? What about syrup chicken?

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The springs themselves had certainly been changed. The water was piped from slightly above the settlement to a series of two pools. The first was a sitting-depth pool the size of a large hot tub and very warm indeed, the water exited this pool and dropped about ten feet until it reached a larger, more tepid pool below, probably 20 feet/6 m across. The water here ranged from 3-6 ft deep, the floor a slick bedrock in places. The edges of the pool were made of long bands of riveted aluminum. Investigating further, we noted these same pieces of metal could be found supporting various parts of the spring pool complex and its surroundings, including the walkway between the pool and the mud-daubed structure above it. Two shedlike areas were full of scrap metal, all made of the same riveted aluminum.

They were pieces of a wrecked airplane.

As I’ve written this overly long, boring account I’ve wondered about the identity of this plane. When did it crash? Who did it carry? Where were they headed? I tried to suss out its identity online, and followed many wrong leads before learning there had been many, many crashes in Colombia. Eventually, I found a site that explained there were had been 55 crashes in Colombia from 2000-2015, and 414 total crashes since 1920. This site helpfully mapped out the more recent crashes, and of these just one was anywhere near the hot springs, near La Venecia on the map below.

The site of the crash is less than a day’s walk from the springs.

This particular plane crash was flight FAC-1659, a Vietnam-survivor Douglas C-47 Skytrain apparently used in anti-rebel fighting.

Military plane—->leisure pool?

Further e-search into its demise begins to reveal conflicting information—supposedly crashed on an 11,200 ft tall mountain called Cerro Montezuma: actually a mostly-flat area 4,400 f/1350 m in elevation, but actually it crashed on its return to the airbase, and actually it crashed in either the Serrania de la Tatama or the Nevado del Tolima mountain areas, which are in completely opposite directions a hundred miles apart. Was this our mystery plane, carefully packed mile by mile in manageable pieces by horseback to the springs, or was it the remnants of some other hapless flying machine?

I have no idea. When I would try to find the caretaker the next morning to ask him where he’d come across the metal, I’d learn he’d gone into the hills.

We spent the evening hanging out with Camilo and Andres and discussed plans for the morning. “You guys staying tomorrow?” I asked. “Well,” Camilo said, “We thought there’d be more people here. We thought maybe we’d do a little juggling for the crowd to offset the cost of coming here. But it’s just us. And we still have to earn enough for our bus fare back home somewhere.” Indeed, it was just the four of us, besides the quiet, but enigmatic caretaker, who had told us at times there were dozens of people camping at the springs. “We’re just going to go back the way we came,” said Andres, “make it home by the evening. What about you?” “Our flight leaves in two days, so we’re taking off tomorrow as well.”

We spent the rest of the evening companionably. I choked down a Gatorade bar. Shawn demurred. “Maybe tomorrow,” he said.

The next morning dawned cold, clear and beautiful, with few clouds, illuminating a mountainside frailejónes in rosy morning light. I returned to the tent to find Shawn awake, but reluctant to leave his sleeping bag cocoon. “Is my swimsuit out there?” he asked. “Here,” I said, and handed him frozen swim trunks. Shawn glared at the fabric Frisbee and considered for a moment. Looking outside and seeing the coast was clear, he ran across frosted grass a short distance to the pool and jumped in, swimsuit in hand. “Thawed at last,” he said as he pulled it on.

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After the tent had dried in the sun, we reluctantly left the spring behind for the last time. As we packed up our stuff, we came across our protein bars. They weren’t bad, per se, they just needed to be eaten in reasonable quantities. I had an idea. “Hey, guys, would you guys be interested in trading for any protein bars?” “Sure,” Camilo and Andres responded. They didn’t really need the food, but now they were headed back down to the city they had more than they wanted. Trying a bar might be alright, though. I returned with four of our eight remaining bars, trying to be generous. After a minute they emerged from their tent with a massive bag of roasted, shelled peanuts, a couple pounds, maybe, and handed them over with a smile. This bag of legume loot even had candied toffee peanuts mixed in. It was a treasure, a thing most crunchy and sweet. We’d just traded for peanuts, and it was glorious.

We’d just traded for peanuts, and it was glorious.

******

After we’d said our goodbyes to our friends—for real, this time—we’d taken off to the south, leaving the high mountain plains behind and entering the cloud forest. Energized and enthused by our peanut bounty, we walked for hours.

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We reached the small town of El Salto (elevation 3376 m/11076 ft), and waited by what seemed to be some kind of hospedaje. After an hour or so, a lady returned and informed us the beds were $3 dollars each, or we both could stay in another room sans beds for $2.

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An oddity of traveling in another country is that regardless of the coin you bring, you quickly acclimate to whatever the going rate is for things. Dollars stretched reasonably far in Colombia, and so Shawn and I began to debate whether or not we had the money to pay for such a luxury as a bed. By the time we concluded that yes, in fact, the two extra dollars would not ruin us, six Colombian teenagers on a hiking trip (an energetic teen guiding them) had nabbed the beds and guaranteed our spot in a room with bags of potatoes and wet saddles and bridles hung out to dry, eau de shoe complimentary. The landlady informed us that a meal was just a few thousand Colombian pesos, a couple of dollars. It seemed expensive, but anxious for variety we decided just to go for it. As we warmed alongside the teenagers sitting on kitchen benches raised by the wood-burning stove, we marveled at just how good rice, red beans and a fried egg could be (we’d later learn we were charged more than our Colombian friends… oh well).

We awoke the next morning just in time to see the dawn’s light warmly suffusing the southern slopes of Volcan Tolima. Returning to our humid mud room, we concluded our evil plan to pitch and dry our tent by sleeping in it inside had failed. As we aired it out in the sun that soon crested the valley ridge, the teenagers arose, chattering excitedly about a waterfall they planned to visit that day. Their leader was particularly enthusiastic. The hike would be quick, he claimed, not more than an hour. Skeptical, we concluded even if the expedition went overtime we’d probably still have plenty of time to make the descent to Ibagué, our bus back to Bogotá, and our flight to Peru in the wee hours of the morning.

The descriptively named waterfall of El Salto (you guessed it, “waterfall”) lay just downstream of the town that bore its name. The ringleader/tour guide of the boys had previously visited, but as his flitting attention span, tremendous amounts of energy and scant patience took us several times through thick forest to the cliff’s edge near the head of the waterfall our confidence in his abilities began to wane. Nonetheless, the path to the falls’ base was at length discovered, and after a steep descent using mossy trees and rocks as handholds we arrived.

The damp clay soil banking the trail had the precise color and texture—tragically, not the flavor—of a rich, fudgy dark chocolate ganache.

Over two hours had passed by the time we returned to El Salto. Shouldering our packs, we passed a farmer digging a field by hand as we began to slog up the mountainside. The damp clay soil banking the trail had the precise color and texture—tragically, not the flavor—of a rich, fudgy dark chocolate ganache. The trail snaked back and forth across the slope, but for the most part carved straight up the mountainside. Foot traffic, cattle and water running along its length had slowly transformed it into a deep gash into which frustrated, motivated people had occasionally wedged timber in an effort to reduce the number of times plunging a foot into deep mud was a requisite, but cows, remember, are terrible people and had jacked up a lot of it.

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Muddied feet at last gained the pass at the ridgetop. Far beneath us, clouds obscured the view of distant Ibagué like dirty clothes hiding a dorm room floor—we’d see it eventually, but not without a day’s determined effort.

The hike from Ibagué had gained a reputation among online forums and blogs as an arduous, ugly descent but instead was one of the most beautiful hikes through cloud forest I’ve ever had.

Mountain descent to the famed city of Alternate Istanbul

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The other Istanbul

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At the base of El Secreto Preserva Natural

As we entered Combeima Canyon, cloud forest occasionally gave way to steep slopes of coffee. Waterfalls slipped into the river far below and we saw fields and houses perched precariously on the few flat areas.

As we descended the slopes from Tolima a strange copper-colored stream crossed the trail from our left, eventually disappearing into the forest. Did it harbor some fascinating microbe from geothermal activity, or were these mine tailings from the illegal gold mine we’d heard hid somewhere in the hills above Ibagué ? Shawn thought geothermal. I wasn’t so sure.

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After some time, we reached the outskirts of a town. Seeing a child playing among the barbed-wire clotheslines of a yard, we asked if we were headed in the direction of Ibagué. He responded, but with a heavy speech impediment we found difficult to understand. We continued to speak with him until his mother called him sharply from somewhere inside the house. Not long after, we came across another two children playing. Oddly enough, one of them also seemed to have some sort of mental or communicative disability. Their mother called them inside when she spotted us. I have no experience whatsoever in identifying developmental issues in children, but it seemed odd that two of three children we’d met had various conditions. I was reminded uncomfortably of the copper stream and the gold mine somewhere far above.

We spotted a man on the slope above us, who gave us directions at last. We confirmed them with a father and son busy at work planting a field that sloped steeply into the ravine below.

DCIM102GOPROGOPR6258.

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Several more hours yielded the end of the trail. We caught a jeep in Juntas, the small town above Ibagué, riding past outdoor restaurants that looked to be a popular weekend spot for locals. Fun fact: A city just like Juntas was destroyed almost completely in 1985 when the eruption of Nevado del Ruiz (a volcano within sight of Tolima) unleashed a lahar of mud, ash and melted glacier.

One of the lahars virtually erased Armero; three-quarters of its 28,700 inhabitants were killed. Proceeding in three major waves, this lahar was 30 meters (100 ft) deep, moved at 12 meters per second (39 ft/s), and lasted ten to twenty minutes. Traveling at about 6 meters (20 ft) per second, the second lahar lasted thirty minutes and was followed by smaller pulses.

Over 23,000 people were killed, making it the fourth-deadliest volcanic disaster in recorded history and rendering the town of Armero a ghost town. Juntas, at the base of Combeima Canyon and the active Tolima, is at high risk of destruction. from Tolima. But anyways, here’s some recycled plastic art.

On the way to Ibague, we spoke to our fellow passengers, Colombians who had been doing a small modeling shoot in some abandoned buildings in the town where we’d joined them. We chatted amicably as we approached Ibagué . When we arrived, they gave us a general outline of the town and gave us a few suggestions of places they recommended and a few better left alone. We ate delicious food—reveling again in how little it tasted like Gatorade bars—until we remembered we had to catch our flight out of Bogotá later that night.

After a few frantic minutes locating a bus and purchasing tickets, we took turns showering in the public bathing rooms (maybe about 30 cents) of the bus terminal in an attempt to smell less like the mud and sweat of three days, using the small bar of soap to scrub some of the mud out of our clothes. After boarding the half-empty bus we made a beeline for the back and cracked open the windows, trying to set up our clothes and shoes in such a way that they might ride.

Though I’d like to pretend it is better, my memory is actually pretty bad, but I do remember this about our evening journey:

As the bus returned to Bogotá, the feel of the warm, humid wind drifting through the bus window and the rhythmic sounds of spinning tires on the wet highway wove a tapestry of sensation, wrapped us gently into sleep. Right. That’s beautiful prose and whatnot, but like much of the crap you read in travel blogs (some unintentionally here, hopefully mostly elsewhere)–overly romanticized, flowery and at least partly untrue. Luckily, oddly and surprisingly for us all I have a journal entry penned on this very bus, which in distressed letters scrawled thusly:

“The bus from Ibagué to Bogotá is stupid, smelly and shaky.”

An entry several hours from the plane from Bogotá to Lima elucidated.

“Remember the stupid smelly bus from Ibagué ? I couldn’t really get to sleep. A maniacal child boarded the bus and began to entertain himself by opening and closing the window, grabbing my hat while I was wearing it, and singing. Perhaps believing himself to be the next Colombian pop star, this [nascent Shakira] kindly treated us to his own renditions of mutated songs. [Alas], this lad’s caterwauling left something to be desired. His voice was the musical equivalent of placing thirty-eight gerbils in a centrifuge: intermittent garbled shrieks and a decided disregard for social norms.”

Shakira, Shakira.

Will Trade for Peanuts: Three Days in Los Nevados NP We wandered along the edge of the deepening canyon. With every step, the stream's chill, clear waters cut ever more deeply into the volcanic basalt that formed the ground beneath our feet.

#adventure tourism #backpacking #colombia #Ibague #Los Nevados #national parks #paramo #rural tourism #Salento #trekking #Valle de Cocora #volcano #Volcano tourism

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leveragehunters · 7 years

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tagged by @albymangroves and oh god, no one should ever ask anything about my favourite author. It inevitably gets out of hand.

name: Sharron

mbti: Yeah, no. They tried to make us do this at work and refused to tell us why they wanted us to do it, so I started explaining why that was was completely non-compliant with the privacy principles in the IP Act (a whole bunch of them) and why and, after their eyes started to glaze over, they changed it to make it voluntary and then no one did it and I was super satisfied, because it’s fine if you WANT to do this stuff for fun or whatever, but your employer trying to force you and not telling you why, when it IS totally in violation of the IP Act? Again, yeah no.

languages I can speak: English, lawyer, bureaucrat, weasel.

star/moon/rising signs: Scorpio-sagittarius/only if my pants rip/I don’t know what this means.

average hours of sleep: Around 5-6 during the week on good days, but sometimes I manage to nap on the weekend and it’s so nice.

favourite scents: oranges, eucalyptus trees/gum trees, clean dog, clean horse, frying bacon, garlic.

lucky number: 4

favourite fictional creature: Aeslin mice

favourite writers: Seanan McGuire/Mira Grant, Tanya Huff, Courtney Milan, Robin McKinley, Tom Holt, Christopher Moore, Bradley Denton, Laurie R King, David Prill, Terry Pratchett, Lois McMaster Bujold, Charles DeLint, Max Brooks, David Weber (Honor Harrington series), Christopher Fowler, Alexandre Dumas, Mercedes Lackey (look, her new stuff isn’t great, her old stuff has issues, but it got me through a hell of a lot of bad times, so I’m gonna own it, in both senses of the word). (And now I’m gonna stop.)

favourite models: It no longer exists, but I love the idea that something of it might have survived, which is used in one my secret favourite movies, Hudson Hawk. It’s the clay model made by da Vinci of the horse statue commissioned by the Sforzas, which became the biggest horse of the the Renaissance, with 70 tons of bronze earmarked for the cast. Leonardo sat on it for several years (not the clay horse--he sat on the making of it), which was apparently a thing he did, but when it was finally done it was, indeed, the biggest equestrian statue of the Renaissance (at the time, at least), becoming known as the Gran Cavallo (look, that sounds all majestic, but it literally means ‘great horse’, so).

Unfortunately, Michelangelo decided to be the biggest horse’s ass of the Renaissance and give da Vinci shit about actually being able to cast something so large, and so da Vinci eventually gave over the bronze to be made into canons to defend the city instead of casting a magnificent giant horse. (This might not entirely be Michelangelo’s fault; Charles VIII was attempting to invade.) Unfortunately a gigantic clay horse, a Gran Cavallo, kind of screams ‘shoot me’ to invading dick soldiers, and they used it for target practice. Clay being no match for ammo, it no longer exists.

Except in Hudson Hawke da Vinci had made a small bronze maquette of the Sforza horse, which is, you know, a pretty awesome thing to contemplate. Also the movie is pure ridiculousness, which is also a pretty awesome thing to contemplate.

(Also also: it occurs to me this might be referring to like a human who models, but whatever I don’t even have one of those.)

favourite music artists: Boiled in Lead, Wolfstone, Dropkick Murphys, Yellowcard, Fallout Boy, Linkin Park, Concrete Blonde, Pink, Sonata Arctica, Nickel Creek, Flobots, Cyndi Lauper, Nightwish, Dark Moor, and I really like soundtracks and scores, but I’ll kind of listen to whatever comes on.

Uhh, tagging @kiriei, @onyourleftbooob, @gryphye, @theprinceofprinces, @cersei-the-truth-bombardier, @whtaft, @assbuttsthatfondue, @galwednesday and that’s 8 which is 2 x my lucky number, so I think that’s good!

#memes #stuff #personal #my vague wish is to maybe try and write a hudson hawke au sometime #disclaimer: my knowledge of the horse comes from wikipedia #so it could be wrong #but it's such a great story #and it would have been so beautiful #da Vinci's horses were so gorgeous #food mention

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

Text

tube thoughts vol. 2

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

zack snyder's 300: Rise of an Empire *Lady warrior commandeers the battle scenes and saves it from being a male meat fest like the first film.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Independence Day" *One way to make this movie more moronic would be if social media existed in its world at the time.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Cannon films "Ninja 3: The Domination" *Spunky shinobi, you must avenge me!* 3 stars

Septic Man *Municipal shit-storm* either zero stars for grossness or 3 stars for grossness and surrealness

"The Stuff" a Larry Cohen film starring Michael Moriarty *Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm lovin' it.* 3 stars

Farscape premier episode *Awol from the ratcage.* 3 stars

Garth Marenghi's: Darkplace "The Creeping Moss from the Shores of Shoggoth" *Brocolli from space. I'd thought it had tasted odd.* 3 stars

Albert Pyun's "Omega Doom" starring Rutger Hauer *It's nice to know after we've killed ourselves off, through constant warfare, sentient robots will become gun nuts and start acting out cold war westerns.* 2 1/2 stars

Kenny vs. Spenny: "Who Can Sell More Bibles?" *The Devil is in the details.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: Clive Barker's "Valerie on the Stairs" *Another bodice-ripper.* 2 stars

"I Spit On Your Grave" uncut 1978 either zero stars or 3 stars

"Beyond the Door" *Paranormal pregnancy with personality.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "The Condemned Woman" *Josie and the pine weasels* 2 1/2 stars

Lost and Found Video Night: Vol 7 -- 3 stars

Seinfeld: "The Frogger" *George's high score.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Mr. R.I.N.G." *What's the difference between right and wrong? robot need to know.* 3 stars

Everything is Terrible "The Rise and Fall of God" *Homeschool is the answer.* 3 stars

Roger Corman presents Andrew Stevens' "Subliminal Seduction" featuring Sharknado's Ian Ziering and Critters' Dee Wallace Stone *CD-ROM Inception meets Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" type inept erotic thriller.* 3 stars

David Cronenberg's "eXistenZ" *Jennifer Jason Leigh penetrates Jude Law's port hole in order to play an addictive and twisted version of The Sims.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" *Butter scraped over too much bread.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

"Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone" *Han Solo babysits a brat-pack ginger cutie, Ernie Hudson is Lando, and Michael Ironside is a Darth Humongous who believes that Earth Girls Are Easy.* 3 stars

"Riddick" *Robinson Crusoe machismo* 3 stars

Farscape: "I, E.T." *My name is Mud.* 3 stars

Dominion: pilot episode *Bright light city gonna set my soul on fire.* 2 1/2 stars

"Thor: Dark World" *Science lady Padme pines for Adam of Eternia so that she inadvertently stumbles into the evil fudge and awakens the 9th Doctor Keebler Who causes the realms to converge like ornaments on an imploding Christmas tree.* 3 stars

"Priest" *Paul Bettany's Obi-Wan character is disenchanted with his forced retirement in a Catholic 1984 dystopia and his regret filled dreams lead to the wasteland where his fallen knights of the old republic partner, a cowboy from hell Karl Urban, lurks about with his horde of bloodsucking bandits and xenomorph vampires. A decent cameo from Brad Dourif as a snake oil salesman. This movie's biggest flaw is that it forgets the classic genre work of Sergio Leone, John Carpenter, and George Miller and instead mimmicks the cliche Matrix ripoff style hack work of Paul W.S. Anderson's Resident Evil flicks.* 2 stars

"Scanners 2: The New Order" *If you get inside me, go gently, and easy on the nosebleeds. This kind of telepathic power in the hands of a fascist P.D., no thankee.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Christmas Special: Charles Band's "Pets" *Inhabits the same universe as other weird, dumb kids' adventure comedies like 'Garbage Pail Kids', 'The Super Mario Bros Movie', 'Ernest Scared Stupid', and 'Problem Child 1 & 2'* 1 1/2 stars

Sami Rami & The Coen Bros present "Crimewave" aka "The XYZ Murders" *Reminiscent of the Three Stooges, classic Mel Brooks, 40s cartoons, humorous Tom Waits song tales, and the original SNL.* 3 stars

Udo Kier in "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Miss OSbourne' --sexploitation-- *Show me where it hurts. Fill me with hatred. My pleasure is seeing your dead body.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "Right to Die" *The crispy, vengeful ghost of Terry Shiavo.* 3 stars

William Lustig's "Vigilante" starring Robert Forster & Fred Williamson *Regular Joe nihilism* 3 stars

rifftrax presents Ridley Scott's "Alien" *H.R. Giger porn on the sattelite of love.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

Josh Brolin is DC's "Jonah Hex" *Sometimes spooky, often dumb B-western that's sadly too gutless to show any blood n grit. Still it might fit into a marathon of 'The Quick and the Dead', 'Five Bloody Graves', 'Navajo Joe', and 'Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter.'* 2 stars

"Rhinestone Cowgirls" 1982 --xxx-- *Easy listenin' and screwin', plus plenty of other prickly situations protruding in Cactus Corner.* 2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Primal Scream" *Unfrozen caveman mauler.* 3 stars

"Shogun Assassin" *Daddy day samurai* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Dino De Laurentiis presents "Orca" *starring Richard Harris as a salty sea-dog, Charlotte Rampling as a sensitive marine biologist, Bo Derek as a sexy shipmate and Shamu snack, plus the indian fella from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' lending his wisdom by saying things like, "The old ways no longer work. Now, even our gods dance to a new tune."* 2 1/2 stars

"Baron Blood" *Decent dubbing, giallo lite, moody nightscapes, cursed castle, creepy stalking.* 2 1/2 stars

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace: "Illuminatum & Illuminata" *Interviewer: Do you believe in the Horned One? the actor Todd Rivers: You mean the Hoofed One? Interviewer: Yeah.* 3 stars

Beavis & Butthead: "Time Machine" *Butthead: 1832, that's like not now. Beavis: Yeah, aren't we more than that?* 2 1/2 stars

Twin Peaks: "Wounds and Scars" *"A country habit. We are so very trusting."* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Wes Craven's "The People Under the Stairs" *A ghetto version of Twin Peaks' "Black Lodge" where "Hills Have Eyes" type inbred freaks are trapped in the cellar and "Sometimes further in is the only way out." in a twisted Tom & Jerry style game of cat & mouse.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "We All Scream for Ice Cream" starring Lee Tergesen, William Forsythe, and the kid from Bad Santa and Eastbound & Down *The Good Humor Man returns from the land of the popsicles to scoop out and dish some cold and sticky revenge.* 3 stars

Gun Fu John Woo and Risky Bidness Tom Cruise present: "Mission Impossible 2" *We've got the cure, we made the disease. Dianetics incorporated.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric present: Bedtime Stories "Hole" *Spitting surreal absurdism sometimes sidetracks the sinister suburban satire.* 2 1/2 stars

MST3K presents: Charles Band's "Laserblast" *Moppy-haired stoner with a muscle-van gets to rain down the fire of the lizard alien gods on his stereotypical 70s burnout and redneck cop enemies in his one horse desert hometown.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Farscape: "Exodus from Genesis" *A hot time in the roach maternity ward in the outer reaches of the universe, tonight.* 3 stars

"Saga, Curse of the Shadow" aka "The Shadow Cabal" *Somewhere between Peter Jackson's LOTR and LARPers that run around yelling, "Lightning bolt, lightnight bolt, lightning bolt!" 2 1/2 stars

"Night of the Loving Dangerously" --xxx-- *With the allure of his ever-wanton ex-wife, Traci Lords, private dick, Peter North, is pulled into a web of blackmail involving his ex's new fiance- a perverted CEO with everything to lose, Jamie Gillis, his naughty daddy's girl daughter, and gay son's snooping photographer boyfriend.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: "Poltergeist" *Joe Bob maligns Spielberg's involvement with a Tobe Hooper horor flick, Heather O'Rourke gives me the sads, an 80s kids bedroom is full of nostalgic shit, the mom looks sexy even with a streak of grey hair, there's some kind of message about the sinister nature of suburban sprawl, a sassy medium with a drawl steals the show, and Joe Bob ponders the difference between "Go into the light" & "Stay away from the light."* 3 stars

Lost & Found Video Night Vol. 5 *Hot diggity tallyho* 3 stars

"Purely Physical" 1982 --xxx-- *Schmaltzy motel fornicating where the lovers' lips refuse to move when the pillow talk gets filthy.* 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "The Trevi Collection" *Fashion victims. Some hilariously bad acting from a witch.* 3 stars

"Gallowwalkers" starring Wesley Snipes *Spaghetti vampire western. The kind of movie Blade 3 should have been.* 3 stars

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back & Return of the Jedi ---despecialized editions--- *Impressive. Most impressive* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: 1954's U.S. version of "Godzilla" & "Godzilla vs. Mothra" *Tokyo stompin' in a Texas trailer park.* 3 stars

"Manborg" 2011 *Will Ferrell's 'Westworld', Scott Pilgrim vs. Mega City 1, Napoleon Dynamite 2: Judgment Day, Tom Green's 'Total Recall', Jim Carrey's "Battlefield Earth', Sam Raimi's 'Mortal Kombat: Annihilation', Paul Verhoeven's 'Army of Darkness', Patrick Swazy, Jacki Chan, Jake Busey, and Cynthia Rothrock in 'Revenge of the Sith'.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: Stuart Gordon presents Edgar Alan Poe's "The Black Cat" *Pluto, the little devil.* 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax presents: "The Last Slumber Party" *More potty-mouthed and homophobic than a Wayans Bros. "Horror" "Comedy" "Movie"* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

The Outer Limits: George R.R. Martin's "Sandkings" starring Beau & Lloyd Bridges *Red menace* 3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Battlefield Earth" *L. Ron Hubbard's The Passion of the Prometheus as acted out by the rat-brained man-animal, John Travolta.* 2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Mel Brooks "Spaceballs" 3 stars

rifftrax presents "Fantasic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" *Fate of world hangs in balance while obnoxious bantering, obnoxious celebrity style wedding is overshadowing focus, obnoxious background extras actors mug for the camera and stare at the pop culture status heroes, obnoxious twirling mustache Dr. Doom villain moments, obnoxious studio thinking Galactus is a stupid concept and yet going through with having his threat to earth being the plot-- leaving us with a cloud of lame spacedust* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Troma presents: Lucio Fulci's "Rome 2072: The New Gladiators" *Televised brutality in a cyber-disco dystopia where the cities of the future are painfully obvious scale models covered in Christmas lights and dirtbikes along with karate chops are still considered pretty badass.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Game of Thrones: Season 3 episode 1

*The inept, pudgy comic relief gets to stumble around in the snow avoiding ice zombies,

the dashing dwarf gets dissed by dear old dad,

the high class pimp positions himself near the daughter of the woman who always shunned his advances,

the would be future queen shows kindess to orphans and gets politely scolded for it,

a crow defects to the king beyond the wall,

a fiery zealot harshly deals with infidels,

a shiprecked war veteran brother puts himself back in harm's way to try to talk sense to his witch's pussy whipped brother,

the king of the north returns to his scorched hometown and imprisons his mum there,

a puppy eyed dragon mama sails with her seasick soldiers and goes shopping for baby slaughtering drone warriors while narrowly escaping creepy child with scorpion assassination attempt.*

3 stars

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rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "Predator" *"Speak mono-Slavic-ally and carry a big stick."* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

George Lucas & Ron Howard present: "Willow" *In order to save a red-headed bastard baby, Frodo Skywalker fellowships a force of ragtags including a Han Solo in Pocahontas drag, an indian in the cupboard Kevin Pollack, and a wizard lady trapped by spell in the body of a wombat.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents: "Twilight: New Moon" *A frigid, psycho chick gets dumped by her prissy, older, unhealthy obsession. she then begins having night terrors ruining the sleep of her closet gay lumberjack dad. next, she begins leading a lovesick puppydog around on a leash while getting wreckless on a mopad, attempting suicide for attention and all before going on a sisterhood of traveling pants adventure to a pretentious Anne Rice version of faggy Europe. 1980s teens were awesome. 2000s teens are awful.* 2 stars with riffing 1 star without

---- monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs:

"Slaughter High" aka "April Fool's Day"

*These jokers aint' f-f-f-foolin'. They like their drugs, they like their sex, they like their cruel pranks on nerds.

Unlucky for them, their 10th year class reunion takes place at the now abandoned old high school in the middle of nowhere on a rainy night.

It's the perfect setting for an old dark house horror mixed with Agatha Christie style revenge picture.

This is one of the best episodes of monstervision.

It features a classic 1980s slasher flick, it has the original mail girl, Joe Bob skewers the logic of the TNT censors, and he reads an awkward letter from a male admirer named Rufus.*

3 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------

"A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors" *Freddy flew over the cuckoos' nest* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Valerie 23" *Do androids sleep mode with electric wet dreams? 2 be or R2D2? See, I could think of some existential questions to ask my prototype sexbot over a romantic dinner, especially if she were the first sentient being of her kind, and had Hulk strength for no apparently necessary reason.* 2 1/2 stars

Jamie Gillis in "Midnight Heat" 1983 --xxx-- *Rare grime. A gem of a different time. Seedy NYC.* 3 stars

Masters of Horror: "The Washingtonians" *Patriotic blue hairs set their wooden teeth on edge about the disclosure of that rich colonial tradition of chomping on cherry tastin' child flesh.* 2 stars

Farscape: "Throne for a Loss" *Rigel, the royal pain in the rear.* 3 stars

"Hellraiser 2: Hellbound" uncut *The stigmata of Sigmund Freud, from the makers of 'Scratch it, sniff it, squeeze it, suck it,' now available at finer novelty shops.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: "On the Wings of Love" *Hangover cures, hidden secret half-sister, hallelujah for the hard of hearing, hometown beauty pageant queen hitlist, and hoot owl hieroglypics.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Randy Quaid in "Parents" *A Norman Rockwell painting hanging on the wall behind the desk at the Bates Motel.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "Blood Brothers" *Twelve immortal monkeys* 2 1/2 stars

"Kill List" 2011 -- *This feels like it could be a Garth Ennis story. It has old mates drinking together and shooting the shite about life. It has acts of extreme violence almost to the point of dark comedy. It has a bleak poignancy. There's also the occult undertones like a Hellblazer comic.* 3 stars

William Hurt in Ken Russell's "Altered States" *Waiting, in a fish-bowl, for Godot.* 3 stars

Kolchak, The Night Stalker: "Chopper" *Stunt motorcycle riding, sword slashing specter with separation anxiety.* 3 stars

Farscape: "Back, and Back, and Back to the Future" *"Psychic Spanish-fly," alien lady combat, genetically structured spy seductress, quantum singularity also known as a blackhole used as a soul saving secret weapon of mass destruction that is seriously in jeopardy of being stolen or accidentally set off."* 3 stars

"The Wind" starring Meg Foster, Wings Hauser, & Steve Railsback *Swept up in stormy solitude and story.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: "The Second Soul" *Lending our dead bodies, like they were used cars, to alien parasites, leads to some serious moral implications. Feels like a 50s style sci fi message about the dangers of multiculturalism given a more progressive twist at the end.* 2 1/2 stars

"Virgin Witch" --sexploitation-- *Prissy Galore throws a feisty spell when a group of dysfunctional devil worshippers decide they really, really fancy her.* 2 1/2 stars

Van Damme / Raul Julia "Streetfighter" *"Who wants to go home, and who wants to go with ME?!" Self aware dumb fun.* 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax' Mike Nelson riffs "xXx" starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, & Asia Argento *Double Ohhh Seven sez, "Do the DEW, dude."* 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

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rosemaidenvixen · 4 years

Text

You are my Sunshine

Chapter 11: Twelve

Ao3

He’d been awake for a while, but right now he perfectly was content to stay lying underneath the covers with his eyes shut, enjoying the feeling of being snug and cozy.

All too soon his blissful rest was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder, nudging him into full consciousness.

He groaned and rolled over, refusing to open his eyes “Five more minutes Nana,”

“But Toby-pie, don’t you remember what today is?”

Instantly it all came back to him, his eyes shot open.

“Today’s my birthday!” Toby practically leapt out of bed, all traces of lethargy gone.

Nana beamed at him “That’s right, now come downstairs and have your breakfast, Jim and Barbara will be here in less than an hour,”

Toby ran downstairs with Nana following closely behind him. For breakfast he popped some eggo waffles into the toaster while Nana mixed herself some granola and berries. He wolfed down his breakfast as quickly as he could, eyeing the wrapped presents sitting on the counter, Tonight he would open them after having the cake that was nestled in back of the fridge. Much to Toby’s delight, one of the wrapped boxes was the exact same size and shape as the magic kit he’d been asking for.

It was his big one-two, twelve years old, and Toby was going to have the best birthday ever.

Noticing the time, he swalloed his last bite of waffles and ran upstairs to get ready. Right as he was finishing brushing his teeth he heard the front door open, letting him know that Dr. Lake and Jim’s had arrived.

As Toby came down the stairs he saw that they had brought several more presents that were added to the pile.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come Nancy?”

“Oh I’m quite sure,” Nana replied “At my age all that walking around in the sun isn’t good for me, I’ll be able to see you all again tonight,”

Jim was the first one to notice Toby “Happy birthday Tobes! You ready to go?”

“You bet,” Toby replied with a grin, he had been looking forward to this all week.

Soon goodbyes were said, water bottles packed, sunscreen applied, and seatbelts were buckled; and the three of them were off.

Toby was practically bouncing in his seat with excitement. For his birthday Dr. Lake had gotten him and Jim fast passes at Disneyland for today and tomorrow.

He looked back and forth between Jim and Dr. Lake as she pulled the car onto the highway.

Toby was grateful for the Fast Passes, he really was, but he was hoping he could get something else for his birthday to.

“Hey, Dr. Lake,”

“Yes Toby,”

“Since we're going to Disneyland tomorrow to, and since it’s my birthday….” he really hoped that they took what he said next well “Can Jim and I have a sleepover at my house? Nana says it’s ok,”

Invite Jim over, don’t invite yourself over to his house, that was very important.

Dr. Lake and Jim froze in their seats. Toby fidgeted self conciously. He knew that Jim’s mom had a rule against sleepovers, but they weren’t little kids anymore. They were both twelve now, and they should be allowed to spend the night at each other’s houses.

“I’m sorry Toby,” Dr. Lake said apologetically “But we can’t do that,”

“B-- but we wouldn’t do anything against the rules like watch R-rated movies or eat a bunch of junk food. And our houses are really close together, if there was an emergency, we could get to your house really fast and--”

“I’m sorry Toby, but the answer is no,” Dr. Lake’s tone was still remorseful, but it brooked no argument.

Toby glanced over to Jim, waiting for him to speak up, to say that he wanted to have a sleepover with Toby, that he was old enough and he should be allowed to spend the night at his best friend’s house.

But he didn’t. Jim just sat there with his head hanging down, not saying anything.

Uncomfortable, Toby let the subject drop and they finished the rest of their drive in silence.

Once they pulled into the Disneyland parking lot the celebratory mood returned.

The three of them got out of the car and walked to the entrance. Toby felt his excitement building as he could start to see all the rides and roller coasters on the other side of the fence, although not enough to make him forget his unsuccessful attempt at inviting Jim over.

As they waited in line Dr. Lake went over the Disneyland rules again “Remember boys, stay together no matter what and don’t leave a ride unless I’m with you, got it?”

“Yep,”

“Got it,”

Tickets purchased and wristbands applied, they stepped through the gate into the park. Toby felt increasingly giddy as he looked around at all the rides and games and stores. Everything looked so fun! He couldn’t decide what he wanted to do first.

Not for the first time, Toby remembered just how lucky he was to have an awesome friend like Jim that had a cool mom that did stuff like this for their birthdays.

Some days Toby liked to think his parents sent Jim and Dr. Lake to him.

“Alright birthday boy, where to first?” Dr. Lake asked.

He thought about it for a little while “Splash Mountain,”

It was one of his favorites, and had a long smooth water ride before it got to the splash, making it perfect for the other thing he had planned.

They hustled over to the ride and thanks to their Fast Passes, it was no time at all before they were getting strapped in.

Dr. Lake waved to them as their log boat pulled away “Have fun boys, I’ll meet you at the exit,”

Toby and Jim waved back to her as the current slowly pulled them out of sight. Jim excitedly glanced around at the surroundings of the ride, but Toby kept his eyes locked on Jim, his mind somewhere else entirely.

They were alone now, away from Dr. Lake and his Nana. Now was the perfect time to finally get some answers.

“Hey Jim,”

“Yeah?”

“Why can’t you have sleepovers?”

Jim did a double take, clearly blindsided by the question “Oh, well….because Mom says it’s not healthy to sleep somewhere that’s not your bed,”

Toby frowned, he might not have made the junior honor roll, but even he knew that was a load of hooey “But practically everyone we know has slept over at someone's’ house and they’re all just fine. And besides, we’re not little anymore, you should be allowed to stay overnight,”

Jim squirmed under the security bar “Sorry Tobes, I just can’t do sleepovers,”

Toby’s face fell, Jim and Toby had been friends since kindergarten, they’d been through thick and thin together and they always had each other’s backs. But when Jim’s mom wouldn’t let him have a sleepover at his house he just accepted it? Without even protesting just a little?

“Jim do you even want to have a sleepover with me?”

Shock and horror flew across Jim’s face “Of course I do!” he shouted “It’s just that-- I can’t,”

“But why not ?”

“Because I can’t !”

Any further discussion was lost in the roar of water as the ride dropped them down the side of the hill, summoning a huge wave and drenching the both of them.

Before Toby could pick up the conversation the ride pulled to a stop. Jim hastily wriggled out of his seat and ran over to where his mom was waiting at the exit.

Toby slowly followed him over to where Dr. Lake was, still feeling numb from his botched confrontation. He was dimly aware of her asking him what ride they should go on next. Toby managed to mumble out a coherent reply and Dr. Lake began shepherding them down the sidewalk towards the next ride.

Too late he realized that the ride he had suggested was on the other side of the park, and they had to walk the entire length of it before they could get on the ride and he could talk to Jim alone again.

For his part, Jim stayed withdrawn and silent. Non-responsive to Dr. Lake’s cheerful chatter.

Toby forced back the doubts that had started to worm their way into the back of his mind, his best friend in the world could never stay over after dark and he deserved an explanation. And if asking questions upset Jim, well tough toenails.

At long last they got to the ride. Despite the fact that they were sporting Fast Passes, it seemed to take forever to get to the front of the ride and have Dr. Lake send them off.

But finally, finally , they were alone again.

Jim avoided meeting his eyes. Toby stared him down, undaunted, if Jim thought he could weasel his way out this he had another thing coming.

“For real Jim, why can’t you ever spend the night,”

“I….I just can’t….”

Toby wasn’t satisfied “Yeah but why , why can’t you?”

Jim’s mouth opened and shut for a few seconds as he floundered for words.

“Come on Jim, tell me the truth!”

Tense, uncomfortable silence stretched out between them, the only sound the clicking of the car along the track as the ride carried them forward. Toby crossed his arms and fixed Jim with the sternest glare he could muster. No more evasions or excuses. He needed to know why his best friend never put up a fight when his mom wouldn’t let him stay over.

After nearly a full minute of silence, Jim finally whimpered out a response.

“.....it’s a secret….”

Toby narrowed his eyes “What do you mean a secret?”

Jim squirmed and looked away.

Toby bit back an aggravated sigh and scooted closer to him under the safety bar “Jim, I’m your best friend, whatever your secret is, you can tell me,”

“....I can’t….” Jim whispered in a tone that was barely audible

“Why not ?”

“....I….I….I just….”

A sob bubbled out of Jim’s throat

Only now did Toby notice that Jim was crying

“....you don’t understand,” Jim hiccuped out past his tears “I want to tell you but I can’t….”

Toby gaped at him in stunned silence, horrified by this turn of events.

He made Jim cry, on his birthday.

Toby wanted answers, but not like this.

Jim was Toby’s best friend, always had been, always will be. So maybe Toby should start acting like his friend. So what if Jim had a secret; Toby had secrets, things even Jim didn’t know. Like when he’d lost the key to the art cabinet at school, or when he couldn’t find a trash can at the carnival and ended up putting his funnel cake wrapper in the first car that had a window rolled down.

If Jim had a secret reason for not having sleepovers, like maybe he wet the bed or maybe he couldn’t sleep away from his mom, Toby would let him keep it. Being friends meant that they respected each other’s privacy. And one day, maybe soon, Jim was sure to trust Toby with his secret. But until then Toby would be patient.

That’s what best friends did.

“Ok,”

Jim raised his head and wiped his face with the back of his hand “Ok what?”

“It’s ok that you can’t have a sleepover,” he flashed Jim his most reassuring smile “We can spend the night talking on our walkie-talkies while playing video games, like we always do,”

Jim still looked anxious and uneasy “Are you sure?”

“Positive, whatever your secret is, just tell me when you’re ready,”

“....thank you….,” even through the snuffling of unshed tears, Toby could still hear the overwhelming gratitude in Jim’s voice.

Toby held out his fist “Don’t mention it Jimbo,”

Jim gave a warbly grin and lightly bumped Toby’s fist with his own.

“Right back at you Tobes,”

Right on queue, the ride pulled to a stop and the safety bar popped up.

Toby stepped out of the car and turned around to help Jim out “Let’s not worry about it anymore, it’s my birthday, I want us to have fun,”

Jim nodded and accepted his hand “Sounds great Tobes, let’s go have fun,”

As they walked away from the ride exit to meet up with Dr. Lake, Toby forced himself to forget about all his doubts and suspicions.

Whatever weird rules Jim’s mom had about when he could and couldn’t go out didn’t matter. From now on Toby would be a good friend to Jim. No matter what.

#rmvwrites #trollhunters #tales of arcadia #fanfic #you are my sunshine #jim lake jr #barbara lake #toby domzalski #nancy domzalski #nana domzalski

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authorajalexander · 11 months

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The Passaic County Book Festival

June 10, 2023 11.00 am – 4.00 pm Weasel Brook Park, Clifton, NJ I can be found at the book festival in ‘roughly’ three weeks. I will not be a participant, though! I will meet fellow authors, check out how the program is structured and what is expected from the authors, listen to some public speaking, wander around between the tents, and meet authors from my friend list and new ones. Since I…

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#authors #fun #information #Informative #Meeting #New Jersey #participant #Passaic County Book Festival #Vendor #visitor #Weasel Brook Park #writers

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papipineapple1-blog · 5 years

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Splash pad fun. #vacation #travel #worldtravel #sightseeing #carpediem #beautifuldestinations #photography #photooftheday #wanderlust #viajar #goodvibes #bestpic #instapic #insta #earthofficial #awesomeearth #beautifuldestinations #usa #nj #clifton (at Weasel Brook Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzx-3CKBiRo/?igshid=wnqw0wwuz2qe

#vacation #travel #worldtravel #sightseeing #carpediem #beautifuldestinations #photography #photooftheday #wanderlust #viajar #goodvibes #bestpic #instapic #insta #earthofficial #awesomeearth #usa #nj #clifton

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winchestersandsuperheroes · 7 years

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Sirens Are Bitches- Dean Winchester x Reader

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,773

Warnings: Language, I guess

Summary: (This is my first fic, and I’m not very good with summaries, so just bare with me.) The reader and the Wichesters are on a Siren case. The reader has to go undercover in a sorority. This siren isn’t like most, instead of having her victims kill their spouse or mom, or whomever, she has the victim kill himself. Want to know more? You’ll just have to read.

A/N: This is my first fic on tumblr, so I would love feedback. Also it’s written in first person. I haven’t written second person in a very long time, so I plan to work my way up. Y/N = Your Name, though I feel most of the tumblr community already knows that. Let me know what you think, I would love to hear from you!

Your Point Of View

Sirens are bitches.

This particular siren was targeting college kids at the local university. More specifically Frat boys. We suspected the siren to be one of the sorority girls. So of course, being in my 20s and female, I was stuck playing sorority girl while the boys did the usual FBI bit. I had been undercover for almost a week and managed to weasel my way into the group of friends the two previous victims. And these people were driving me mad.

I took a break from the madness, and walked to the run down motel Sam and Dean were staying at. I never thought I’d be so happy to see a motel. I told my ‘sorority sisters’ I had to turn in a paper. I swear those girls spend every waking minute (that they aren’t off with their frat boy boyfriends) together gossiping and shopping, and I was in serious need of a break. They had taken me on one of their shopping trips earlier this afternoon, deciding I needed to update my wardrobe. So I was now dressed in an outfit they deemed appropriate for our activities (frat party) later this evening.

I walked into the motel room where both brothers were currently sitting at a table. Sam was on his laptop as per usual and Dean was eating a burger. I walked over to the table, neither brother had looked up from their activities, and I grabbed one of Dean’s burgers. I was in desperate need of a burger; these girls were so concerned with their weight that they rarely ate anything but salads. No thank you.

“Hey! Y/N that’s my-” He stopped himself short when he looked at me, more specifically what I was wearing. “Not a word,” I warned taking the burger and sitting on one of the beds, tugging my skirt down in the process. He was still looking at me. “Not a word,” I repeated before taking a bite of the stolen burger.

Sam shook his head at us “So what have you got?” he asked. “There’s this party tonight, seems like prime hunting ground if you ask me. I think we’ll find our girl there,” I replied between bites. “And I think I’ve narrowed the suspect pool a little bit. It’s all in the MO. Instead of having her victims kill their wife/ girlfriend/lover, she has them take their own lives and in elaborate ways. She sounds like a woman scorned. Between talking to the girls and going through all their social media, I have narrowed it down to two of the girls,”.

“Sometimes it amazes me, how much you sound like a cop,” Dean states finally out of his daze. “Well I do have my bachelor’s in Criminology remember. And that’s what you got from all that?” I questioned before taking the last bite of my burger. Sam rolls his eyes before asking “Who do you think did it?”

“Sarah Val Brooke or Allyson Voight. Both girls were… um intimate with both the guys. I swear, it’s like a game of musical lovers in these houses,” I make a disgusted face. “Anyway, They both had somewhat dramatic falling outs with the boys,” I continued. “The first victim, Preston Chambers, cheated on both girls, at the same time if you get my drift. And our second victim, Kevin Lambert, dumped both of them in humiliating ways,” I finished.

“So what? We go to this party wait for one of the girls to go all jedi mind crap on some guy, then move in,” Dean suggested. I sat up a little, “There’s no ‘we’, you two will stick out like a sore thumb. I will go to the party, and you two will be outside, and I will call you when I know who it is,” I interjected. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he shook his head. I rolled my eyes, preparing myself for the safety speech I had become accustom to in these situations. Before he got the chance to Sam chimed in “It’s a good idea, they already think you are one of them. And this siren is targeting men, she’s a lot less likely to go after you than one of us.”

I smirked before thanking Sam. “Fine,” Dean uttered. “And on that note, I better get back to the house before the girls get suspicious,” I got up from the bed and started towards the door. I heard a “be careful” coming from Dean’s direction. “Always am,” I replied walking out of the motel room.

By the time I got back to the house, most of the girls had already headed to the party; the perfect time for me to do a little pre-party snooping. I started Sarah’s. She seemed pretty clean. I found nothing that pointed towards a psychotic siren. I was about to move on Allyson’s room when my snooping was interrupted by Sarah’s roommate Trish. Trish was probably the nicest girl in the sorority, we automatically got along.

“What are you doing?” I froze. “Um… Sarah said I could borrow her psych notes. I was hoping to get in a little study time before heading to the party,” I smiled trying to hide all evidence of my snooping around. “She doesn’t take psych,” She stepped closer. “Did I say psych? I meant English,” I backed up slightly. “Why were you at those FBI agents motel room?” She questioned further.

She must have followed me. Damn it, this is what I get when I let my guard down. I should have checked to make sure I wasn’t followed. I dialed what I hoped was Sam’s number behind my back. Sam said he’d be at the campus library which was only a couple blocks away. If this got ugly, he’d be my best chance.

“I’m seeing one of them. We’ve only gone out a couple times, it is super casual,” I lied trying to cover my ass. “They’re hunters,” She got even closer. I had my back facing the door trying to edge my way out. “I mean I haven’t really asked him about his hobbies. It’s not really that kind of relationship, if you know what I mean. I don’t see how that’s relevant, so they shoot bambi. I mean deer are cute and all…” I started rambling on trying to keep up the dumb sorority girl act.

“It’s a little suspicious don’t you think, we get a transfer right when hunters show up in town,” she started. “You see I’m still not following you on the whole ‘hunters’ thing,” I tried to continue playing dumb. “Cut the crap Y/N, I know you’re a hunter. And I’m going to give you a chance to get out of here. You see, me and my sister, we aren’t traditional sirens. We don’t like to hurt women. So just tell me where they are and you can walk out of here unharmed,” she warned.

“Seriously, is there someone I should call? A doctor? Your parents? I think you are having a mental break down,” I advised continuing to play dumb and it looked like the only thing I accomplished was making her angrier. I backed into the doorway, bumping into something solid. I turned around to find Allyson Voight. She grabbed my phone out of my hand with a stronger grip than one would expect from a Malibu Barbie look alike.

Trish grabbed my arms, holding me back with what once again was a much stronger grip than one would expect from a girl of her size. “Looks like you were making a call. Which one is Sam? He’s the tall one right? I remember him from the interviews. What was his partner’s name? The one you are obviously so fond of?” Allyson taunted. “I’m not fond of-” she cut me off. “Oh yes, Dean. And yes you are. You would be surprised at what he thinks about you, I know what he desires and doesn’t after all.” She looked over at me at that last part. That one stung a little. Way to play at my insecurities. Bitch.

“How do you think we should kill him, Trish? Something slow and painful I think,” she was trying to get a rise out of me, and I’m not going to lie, it was working, but I was not about to let it show. “What do you want me to do with her?” Trish asked. “Oh just knock her out and we’ll deal with her later,” and that’s the last thing I remembered before a sharp pain in the back of head and darkness.

Third Person Point of View

Dean was starting to worry, Y/N hadn’t called or texted about the hunt. It wasn’t like her to leave them hanging like that. He tried calling her half a dozen times. He was about to call Sam when to see if he’d heard from her when there was a knock at the door.

Your Point Of View

I woke up to Sam shaking me. I winced sitting up; my hand instantly went to the back of my head. There was blood, great. I would have to deal with that later. “Y/N, are you okay?” Sam had concern in those puppy dog eyes of his. “I’ll survive,” I started to get up. “We have to get to Dean, they’re going after Dean,” I headed to the door, probably faster than I really should in my condition. “They?” Sam asked following behind me.

“There are two of them, sisters. And at least one of them is going after Dean. So we need to go, now. Please tell me you took the Impala,” We walked out of the house and sure enough the impala was parked right outside.

We got to the motel bronze daggers ready to go. Trish was waiting outside. “You’re too late,” she announced. I refused to believe her. I was sure Dean could take whatever bimbo Allyson was currently playing in there. “Go inside, I got her,” Sam urged before lunging at Trish.

I nodded and ran around them to the room. I opened the door and found something I most certainly did not expect…

Third Person Point of View

Dean answered the door to find Y/N, no longer in her sorority get up. Instead, in her usual flannel and jeans. And as good as she had looked in those clothes, he definitely preferred her this way. “Why weren’t you answering your phone?” was the first thing to come out of his mouth as she entered the motel room. “Hello to you too,” she smiled sitting down on the first bed she saw.

“Why weren’t you answering your phone?” he repeated the question. Y/N rolled her eyes, “I left it in the Impala. Sam and I took care of the siren. I walked here and he went to pick up some food and beer. Thank god this case is over. If I spent one more minute with those girls, I was going to choke myself to death.” Dean found that last bit a little odd, Y/N’s usual go to when exaggerating, was stabbing herself, but he didn’t think too much into it. Maybe she was trying to switch things up.

“Hey Dean, come over here,” Y/N patted next to her on the bed. Dean was a little confused, but he complied. Something about this whole situation didn’t seem right. Why didn’t Sam or Y/N call right after killing the siren. And why wasn’t she gloating more. She would usual be gloating about being the one to solve it.

“What is your favorite breed of dog?” he questioned her. She got closer, attempting to distract him. And boy was it working. “What?” she asked confused. “What is your favorite breed of dog?” he repeated himself. Y/N was a dog person, her favorite breed being a pit bull. He knew she would jump at the chance to talk about dogs.

“Umm… I don’t know, golden retrievers,” she got very close now. “I don’t know why you want to talk about dogs. I’d rather not talk right now. This wasn’t Y/N and dean knew it now. Fake Y/N was straddling him at this point, going in for that siren mind controlling saliva kiss. He started reaching for the dagger hiding under one of the pillows. Then the door opened.

Your Point Of View

Dean was being straddled by… well me. Allyson had taken my form. And in case you were wondering, it is very creepy looking at a replica of yourself, very creepy. Dean pushed fake me/Allyson to the ground. She seemed taken aback then turned to see me. “I should have known you’d be back. I should’ve just killed you earlier. You’re really becoming a pain in my ass,” she smirked and evil smirk, which looked really weird coming from my face.

“Now’s your chance, go for it,” I taunted holding my arms out in a gesture. I had my dagger ready in hand. But she didn’t get the chance to, because Dean plunged a dagger straight through her heart. And man did it look weird. Because I mean she was a siren and crazy, but she did look exactly me. And it was definitely weird watching Dean kill her.

She fell to the ground. Dean and I made eye contact. He had his usual ‘we beat the monster’ smile on, but there was something in his eyes, shame maybe.

“So, Dean, anything you wanna talk about?” I asked gesturing towards Allyson. “No, not really,” He shook his head. I was about to argue further, that we need to talk about it, but Dean was saved by the bell. That bell being a Bloody Sam barging in. “Dean, Y/N is everything…” he cut himself short when he saw the body on the ground. “Y/N… Dean you… oh… OH okay,” Sam spoke while processing what he was seeing.

I cringed. Sam was managing to make the situation even more awkward. “I’m going to take care of that body outside and let you two talk, yeah you should probably talk,” He awkwardly exited the room. Thanks Sam, I shook my head, very helpful. Dean was obviously looking for an exit. I groaned internally. I mean I definitely had feelings for him. And it was now obvious that he was, at the very least, attracted to me. Well maybe he wasn’t, what if she just wanted an easy way in? What if that was the only reason she took my form.

But I was scared now. I didn’t want an explanation now, I just wanted out. I turned to follow behind Sam, but I heard a “wait,” coming from Dean. I turned back around slowly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I get it, she probably just took my form to get in here, because she knew you’d let me in,” I suggested, still trying to exit the room.

“No,” was all he said in return. “No?” I questioned raising one eyebrow. “No, that’s not why she took your form,” I couldn’t process what he was saying, I was in shock. And somewhere in that shock, Dean had gotten a lot closer. “She didn’t take your form just to get into the room, though she did succeed in that part, she took it because you are what I desire. I love you Y/N,” this was not happening. I never woke up from getting hit in the back of the head. This could not be real.

“Y/N?” he gently lifted my chin so I was looking him in the eye, successfully breaking my train of thought. “Yes?” was all I could squeak out. “You have nothing to say to all of that. Usually I can’t get you shut up, then I put my heart on-” I don’t know where it came from, but suddenly I was kissing him. And after the initial shock, he started to kiss back. “I love you too,” I spoke when we finally came up for air. He smiled.

“So, how did you she wasn’t me?” I asked still in his arms. “What?” He looked confused. Well you were already going for the dagger before I busted in. I’m assuming that you don’t want to stab me, so how did you know she wasn’t me?” I questioned further. “Dogs,” was all he said. “Dogs?” I raised an eyebrow. “She didn’t want to talk about dogs,” he explained. “Heartless,” I joked. “Dogs are great, who wouldn’t want to talk about dogs? They are so cute and-” he cut me off in another kiss and I smiled into it.

A/N: Thanks so much for reading my first fic. Please let me know what you think. Feedback is very much appreciated! Also, sorry for any grammatical errors. I may or may not have had a few glasses of wine before/during the editing process. Thanks Again!

#dean winchester #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #supernatural #fanfic #supernatural x reader #reader insert #supernatural reader insert #dean winchester reader insert

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wildonlineblog · 4 years

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THE STATE OF NATURE AT JOHN O’ GAUNT GOLF CLUB

by Stephen Thompson

Golf courses have had a reputation in the past and to some extent still do of being a place that is no good for wildlife, barren desserts, and just a load of grass but that is most definitely not the case. When I first started at John o Gaunt way back in 1990 we used to cut a lot more grass, from 1 side of the course to the other but after a while it became apparent that we didn’t have to cut everything, 1 obvious advantage is less wear on machines, less man hrs spent cutting meaning greenkeepers could get on with other jobs. To the wildlife of John o’ Gaunt It was an absolute godsend.

There was already a decent amount of wildlife at the golf club with various birds and mammals, but improvements can always be made and the habitat at John o Gaunt has gone from strength to strength over the years. Things do not happen quickly though,and it takes time but gradually with the improvements that we have made here both the golf courses are proving to offer a really diverse range of species and we are discovering more all the time. Just recently in some long rough on the Carthagena course a Wasp Spider was discovered, a relatively recent addition to the UK, it has been spreading across southern England and is a welcome addition to further enhance the local biodiversity.

The first project I became involved in at the club was the Nestbox project. It started way back in 1996 when we used to have Barn owl around on a regular basis. It used to Roost in the room of an old building and use a tree on the practice area. But plans were in place to make changes to the practice area and renovate the building into what is now the Course Managers office and greenkeepers mess room. Something had to be done to help the Barn Owl to provide an alternative site to nest or roost. Help and advice were sought from the Hawk & Owl Trust and they supplied and installed an A-frame type box for the Owl. This was just the beginning, The Nestbox Project was born!

The box was used by Barn Owls for the first 2 years but not that successfully, Kestrels used it, Stock Doves and now Jackdaws. Unfortunately, the Barn Owl seemed to disappear from John o Gaunt for several years. Then in the mid 2000’s there was the odd sighting of one on the Carthagena course, so it was decided to put another A-frame box up on that course. It wasn’t really used until 2012 when we actually had a pair nest on both sides, producing 5 chicks, unfortunately none survived, and it was another few years before we achieved success. In 2016 a pair nested on Carthagena course and had 4 young, all of which fledged successfully.

The 2nd box to go up was a Kestrel box on the John O Gaunt course in 1998, It wasn’t used for the first 2 years but Kestrels soon moved in once they realised the benefits of being a member at John o Gaunt and it is used most years usually with 2-4 chicks. Stock Doves and Jackdaws have used it too. With the success of this box we erected one on the Carthagena course in 2009 but it was a further 7 years before it was used when Kestrels nested and successfully raised 2 young. In 2017 and 2018 we had a pair of Kestrels nest on both sides raising 7 young in total and in 2019 only the Carthagena box was used but the Kestrels laid 5 eggs and raised 5 chicks which all fledged making it the best ever success of a pair of Kestrels at the club. With a different cutting regime at the club, providing more rough areas on both courses we have provided an ideal habitat for small mammals like voles therefore providing an ample food source for Owls and Kestrels.

The nestbox project really took off though in 2000 when it was thought a good idea to have a trial with a few small boxes for birds like Blue and Great Tits and in March some were placed around the car park. We wanted to put more around the golf courses but didn’t know how many we could put up. We sought advice from a local expert and after a walk round both courses it was suggested we get around 70-80 boxes, well I just fell about laughing, we’ll never get that many! In the winter of 2000/2001 we put up 16 boxes on John o Gaunt course which the birds readily took to, in winter 2001/2002 we put up a further 34 boxes covering both courses gradually increasing over the years to its present number of 125. But they were not all small boxes for Blue & Great Tits. Some larger boxes, taken from a BTO Stock Dove design were placed on both courses. These boxes are used by a wide variety of species including Grey Squirrel, Jackdaw, Stock Dove and Tawny Owl. A box on the Carthagena course has had a pair of Tawnies nest in it 2 years in a row raising 2 chicks each time. Other boxes include boxes for Woodpeckers, Robins, Spotted Flycatchers, Bats and 3 of an Upright design from BTO especially for Tawny Owls. The Big Owl Boxes are attached to the trees by use of Plastic (chainsaw friendly) nut and bolts and the smaller boxes either by nails or screws but alternatives to nails are being looked at whenever we need to replace boxes in the future. The small open front style boxes for Robins are difficult to get birds to nest in successfully as they are more open to predation from Stoats, Weasels and Grey Squirrels.

When placing boxes around the course you get to a point after a few years where you know you have enough. Around 70-80% of boxes are used each year which is a very high percentage. The number of chicks in the boxes varies each year depending on a whole host of different factors. With the boxes now at maximum numbers, we usually get around 400 chicks a year. 2012 was a very wet year and the birds really suffered in the wet weather as their main food source (small caterpillars) were washed off the trees and numbers dropped by almost 50%. It took a few years to recover but numbers are now back to more normal levels. 2019 was a record-breaking year seeing a total of 512 chicks from the nest boxes.

I never imagined for 1 min exactly how successful this project would be and how many birds it would produce when we first started it in 1996 and with all the other habitat management going on around the courses John o Gaunt is fast becoming The Place to be for all Wildlife.

Grass is the obvious place to start when looking at making ecological improvements. Away from the greens tees and fairways there is the rough some of which is cut but you do not need to cut it all. At John o’ Gaunt we started leaving 1 or 2 areas that were perhaps classed as out of play just to see what happens of if anyone complained! Over the years we introduced more areas of this long rough but this long rough still required management, usually cut late summer/early Autumn and sometimes again in early spring and after a few years we began to notice a difference. Without adding any seed wildflowers were beginning to appear naturally providing a nectar source for pollinating insects, on John o Gaunt the long rough seemed to grow thicker but on both sides all the long rough provided the ideal habitat for small mammals which provide food for Owls & Kestrels. Yellow Necked Mouse was a recent addition to the site in the last few years making 6 small mammals in total.

In 2011 the club became involved in Operation Pollinator, a scheme designed to help the plight of the Bumble Bee and other pollinating insects by creating wildflower areas on the golf course. An area was chosen that was out of play but between 2 fairways and close to the brook. It was an area that was quite dry and not much grass growing. The area was prepared in October 2011 with the use of an Amazon scarifying machine and scarified to around 50-60% bare soil, wildflower seed was then sown by hand over the whole area and left to see what happened. Fast forward to the summer of 2012 and what a difference, from bare soil to a fully-fledged wildflower meadow, all 7 species of flower in the mix had germinated and it was a mass of colour and full of insects. 2012 was a very wet year and the amount of rain we had had a big impact on the germination of the wildflower seed. A survey was conducted in the operation pollinator area and 5 species of Bumble Bee were found so as the advert says, it was doing exactly what it said on the tin! Butterflies moths, Dragonflies and other insects such as Crickets and Grasshoppers have been found.

Given the initial success of this area, other wildflower areas have been put in place trying different methods of preparing the areas and different seed mixes. One method we tried was to cut and collect the Operation pollinator area and spread the clippings on another area that had been scarified, the following year not much appeared but several years later one area in particular isnow a fantastic wildflower meadow and is full of insects. It took time for a few flowers appearing each year but it was worth the wait. We have started to add Yellow Rattle to some areas to help combat the advance of the thicker courser grasses and to encourage the wildflowers without the need to use chemicals. This has worked really well.

With all the wildflowers areas and long rough on the course now, Insect activity has increased dramatically. Buff tailed Bumble Bee, Red tailed Bumble Bee , Roesel’s Bush Cricket, Oak Bush Cricket and Hornet to name just a few.

One of the most familiar insects perhaps associated with flowers is the Butterfly and we have them here at John o Gaunt in abundance with a range of different species including the rather striking black and white colours of the Marbled White and 2 slightly less common, the Purple & White Letter Hairstreaks. But the best of show surely must go to the Purple Emperor only seen for the first time at the club in July 2019 and quite a surprise find. A rather large Butterfly, the male is quite unmistakable with its glossy purple colour on the front wings. This is a butterfly that is slowly starting to spread across the region and become more common. There are now 25 species of butterfly recorded at the club.

One insect that perhaps people don’t think about that much is the Moth. They are often thought of as little brown annoying flying things that get in the house but with 2,500 species in the UK there is a huge variety, small, large, brown and really colourful like the Large Elephant Hawk Moth: At John o’ Gaunt we have recorded over 370 species, just a small percentage of what’s out there with the Hawk Moths perhaps being the most spectacularly.

The best Moth we have here is the White Spotted Pinion, it feeds exclusively on elm and is only found in Cambs, Beds, Essex and a few other areas where there is ample supply of Elm. It is found on the edge of the Carthagena course along the Bridlepath and as a result of this rarity the whole stretch of the Bridlepath is now an official county wildlife sight to help protect this important habitat for the future.

With lots of Butterflies and Moths around there will be lots of Caterpillars too providing an ample food source for birds like Blue Tits and Great Tits. Their numbers have been steadily increasing over the years with the increasing food supply and the availability of a safe secure home in the form of nestboxes. Worms are another vital food source for a wide variety of birds, Blackbirds, Robins, Crows, the occasional Oystercatcher and even Kestrels have been seen pecking for worms. There is a huge diversity of food available for birds around the course including fish in the brook for Kingfisher, berries on Rowan trees for Thrushes & Waxwings in the winter months and much more. Around 100 species of birds have been recorded on the courses. We have even managed to attract the Nightjar, (a rare breeding bird in the UK associated with heathland type areas as might be found in Norfolk). One was seen on Carthagena in August 2017 when a group of people were out Moth Trapping one night. There have been some odd single sightings of birds over the years, Whimbrel, Curlew, Reed Warbler to name just a few. You never know what might turn up!

I already mentioned small mammals as a food source for birds like the Barn Owl but there are a lot of other much larger mammals on the course. With the increasing number of birds and small mammals every year, it provides a likely food source for mammals like the Stoat & Weasel being able to get into a nestbox for a ready-made snack. As well as birds eating worms, they are the main food source for Badgers, and we have a good size sett on the course. In total 22 species of mammal have been recorded at the club.

To help keep the golf course looking green requires water and apart from using mains water we have a licence to extract water from the brook that runs through the course. The brook is yet another small ecosystem on the course and is full of life, Ducks and Moorhens nest every year, there are lots of fish and that attracts birds like the Kingfisher and Grey Heron. With a healthy range of species in the brook we have even managed to attract the Otter which comes visiting now and again. The brook that runs through John o Gaunt was at one time the best place in the whole county for the rare and elusive Water Vole but Mink paid a visit one day and now the Water Voles have all gone, It is hoped that they will return naturally one day but a re-introduction scheme could be considered sometime in the future. When Water Voles were present then the brook had to be managed appropriately to protect this fragile habitat.

The most recent large project on the golf course was the construction of a new pond, initially built as part of a flood alleviation plan on a problem par 3 hole It is fast becoming the latest amazing habitat for wildlife. Now in its 2nd year the pond is really developing, pond weed has moved in and in Hot weather it is an absolute Dragonfly paradise and along with the brook 4 new species of Dragonfly have been recorded in the last 2 years making 16 in total. Black tailed Skimmer seems to favour the pond (1st seen in 2018) their numbers increased slightly this year. Also new for 2019 was the Small red-eyed Damselfly when lots of them were seen all over the weed in the pond. A bit like London or is New York that is described as the city that never sleeps? The pond is still an active place for wildlife at night. In the warm/hot summer weather there are lots of insects & bugs all over the pond and this provides an abundant food source for Bats. After several years of not recording Daubenton’s Bat on the course, in 2018 while on a Bat walk at least 6 were seen flying over the pond, a magnificent sight and a welcome return. In total 8 species of Bat have been recorded at the club including Brown long eared and the rare Barbastelle.

We are always trying to improve things for wildlife and improve the local diversity at John o’ gaunt. With so many trees on both courses there is a certain amount of woodland management that is required, thinning out some areas to encourage trees to grow better and let a bit more light in, which hopefully encourages more plants to grow on the woodland floor, one area in particular was overgrown with elder and looked a bit messy, a lot of the elder was cleared out and trees trimmed but none taken out. Log piles were created to provide homes and shelter for insects and small mammals. The trees are hopefully now able to grow more healthily, and the area is now a vital new habitat for some of our wildlife.

People often want things to happen really quickly when it comes to the environment and creating habitats for wildlife but if your prepared to wait a little while your patience will be rewarded. If you put in the work to create the habitat then the wildlife will move in.

Nature at the Golf Club THE STATE OF NATURE AT JOHN O’ GAUNT GOLF CLUB by Stephen Thompson Golf courses have had a reputation in the past and to some extent still do of being a place that is no good for wildlife, barren desserts, and just a load of grass but that is most definitely not the case.

#Golf club nature #nature at the golf club

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elvislikespizza · 7 years

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Practicing your art Part 2. • • Today I spent the afternoon with a good friend @_dariusphotos. We were just practicing different ways to capture a moment. The only way to truly learn something is to go out and do it, no shortcuts. (at Weasel Brook Park)

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wildonlineblog · 4 years

Text

THE STATE OF NATURE AT JOHN O’ GAUNT GOLF CLUB

by Stephen Thompson

#Golf club nature #nature at the golf club

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wildonlineblog · 5 years

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THE STATE OF NATURE AT JOHN O’ GAUNT GOLF CLUB

by Stephen Thompson

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