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amevello-blue · 1 day

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Yo back up Donny tried to comfort Raph? This I gotta see

Yes but first of all you have to sit through my rant about this entire scene

They're all standing back to give Donny his space with Leo. They're all worried, hands clenched, tense, but Raph's the only one with his arms crossed over his chest. He's close off right now. They're sharing vulnerabilities, emotions. Raph is not. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want anything to show.

Raph scoffs and jokes "I think you got him hanging on your every word, Don." And Leo stirs. Casey's the one who comments on it, saying, "I think he heard you, Raphy."

Everyone looks kinda intent on this revelation, surprised, but determined. Raph genuinely looks surprised and stunned and almost dare I say frightened? Some of that emotion is leaking through.

Then Mikey does his story, and Raph is... less than impressed. His arms are crossed over his chest again, he's scoffing, he's insulting Leo, saying he's not waking up because he's afraid.

He gets upset. "He got his butt whooped, and now he's too chicken to come back and face it!"

Mikey looks worried, upset, but Donny gets this moment of... Realization. He knows what Raph's doing. He knows Raph's going to say things he doesn't mean. He knows Raph.

Donny says, "that's enough, Raph." He doesn't scold him, or get mad at him about it. Just. Set his hand on his shoulder and says that's enough. That's enough getting angry at Leo when we all know that it's not Leo you're angry at.

Raph's trying really hard. He turns away from Donny. He's squeezing his eyes shut. He's trying not to cry. This is the comforting part I mean.

He shakes Don's hand off, which surprises Donny. Implying this method has worked to calm Raph down before.

"Well I say who needs ya? It's not like we can't get on without you playing fearless leader." Interestingly when Raph says that they'd be fine without him, it focuses on Leo, who is bruised and unconscious and spent hours in the rain trying to escape the Foot because he couldn't bring them back to April's. He knew he couldn't bring them back to April's. He could have gotten help there, but that would risk putting his family in danger.

Then, when you see Raph again...

He's crying. And Donny's shock has turned to genuine concern for Raph.

And he turns away from Donny more, and Donny's expression softens from concern to understanding. The fact that this scene is set up like this, where Raph is crying and Donny is the one watching him in the background, it hits me a certain way. Donny doesn't cry. Not after Kirby, not after Honeycutt, not when he realizes that he's going to have to kill his entire family to stop the Shredder. (In Exodus and in SAINW.) But Raph's here, crying, at their first big defeat. One of them has been defeated, broken, and only lived because their enemy was playing with him like a cat toy.

And Donny is RIGHT THERE.

Anyway, Raph tells the story of how he accepted Leo's leadership when they were kids, that strongest and bravest do not necessarily make for the best leader who makes the best decisions for the team.

And he's struggling again. "I don't even know why I told you that story. I guess I just... What I'm tryin to say is..." And he can't finish his sentence. He just trails off he clutches at his head, his face, he can't look at anyone, can't let them see the expression he's making.

And Leo, who has only reacted to Raph's voice this entire time, is only shown to be reacting to Raph's voice, stirs again.

Splinter reassures him this time. "Your brother hears you, Raphael. He understands."

And Raph, he doesn't say anything. He just. Goes to the window. And imo is processing the fact that he knows they can't survive without Leo. They need their fearless leader (a nickname that Raph gave him in the first place.) That's what that story meant. They need Leo. Raph needs Leo.

anyway the whole scene makes me incredibly emotional. The farmhouse arc wasn't just a Leo arc, it was very much a Raph arc as well. It was learning his brother isn't fearless. Isn't invincible. Leo is breakable. Raph literally helps Leo put himself (and his swords) back together. And I don't think Raph would have ever realized that Leo needed that kind of help if this scene hadn't happened earlier.

Cause the thing is, Leo was afraid. He was terrified of coming back and facing that failure. Failure is SUCH a big part of his character, his fear of it, his fight against it, and Raph... Raph hit the nail on the head. But telling stories of the times Leo was strong, the times that his family has needed him, was what brought Leo back.

And I think Raph realized at that point that. Maybe Leo needs help sometimes. Maybe he isn't Mr Perfect Ninja Son. Maybe Raph can be the one to help.

#tmnt 2003 #ame talks

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saeist · 3 hours

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"so.. who here has a secret boyfriend we don't know about?" mina asks the first thing that came to mind not even a minute after this impromptu slumber party that's currently held in yaoyorozu's room

after a long week of training and pro hero studies, you lot decided to why not unwind by having a little sleepover at one of the girls' rooms. yaoyorozu was kind enough to volunteer to hold it in her room as she has never experienced sleepovers with others

you all looked at each other with curiosity. curious if anyone was actually in a committed relationship that the class didn't know about. not like it was their business or anything..

"what? nobody? that's kinda hard to believe.." hagakure comments, genuinely surprised since usually at this age where everyone is in high school, you're bound to get into relationships

"i mean it's like we have the time to mingle around since we're busy with training and on top of that, trying to keep afloat with our academics" tsuyu points out, a finger on her chin as she recalls if anyone actually had free time to spare amidst all the chaos your class has been through

hearing what tsuyu said, mina whines, dramatically flailing her arms around

"ugh i hate that what you said is true, tsuyu-chan.. but what about crushes! do you guys have a crush on anyone in class or anyone in ua?" mina continues to bombard everyone with questions related to romance. to you it almost feels targeted because you're not too sure if she knows something about you

"crushes?" uraraka trails off. all of a sudden she shakes her head vigorously.

"what's wrong uraraka-chan?" tsuyu asks, worried

"oh my god! are you crushing on someone?!" hagakure squeals, "you have someone in mind don't you!"

the girls (minus you, tsuyu and yaoyorozu) start to bombard her with questions

"is it midoriya?!"

"is it iida?!"

"who?!"

"it's nobody!" uraraka defends herself, shaking her hands around. mina pouts but drops the subject.

you didn't even realize that you were holding in your breath til jirou points it out

"what's with the sigh of relief, y/n?" jirou pokes your side jokingly.

wrong move on your part

suddenly there was a certain glint on mina's eyes. like you just walked into her trap

"you haven't said anything since we started talking about crushes, y/n-chan.. anyone in mind?" mina grins mischievously.

"no one" you say abruptly but it turns out your own body betrays you. you can literally feel the heat creeping up to your cheeks

"oh my god she's blushing! WHO! IS IT IN OUR CLASS OR CLASS B? WHO?! WE NEED TO KNOW" hagakure squeals in joy, suddenly clasping your hands together as she shakes you

"it's nobody you guys-"

"i've been meaning to ask, y/n-san.. if there's anything going on between you and bakugo-san" yaoyorozu speaks up for the first time tonight

mina and hagakure both scream in delight

"what makes you say that, yaomomo?" you ask, trying to calm your heartbeat at the mention of the boy you think you're seeing..

you and bakugo had a weird, for lack of better word, "relationship" going on at the moment. one would call it a situationship but you're still not 100% sure if it's even heading to that direction

it all started after the provisional license exams. the same night where he and deku had a brawl at ground beta. right after bakugo and deku got dismissed by aizawa, you bumped into him in the kitchen. obviously scared out of your wits that he was looking all beaten up, you brought him to the nearest bathroom to clean his cuts and bruises

since then you and him had found yourselves in this weird "relationship". sure, he's still the same bakugo you first met during the first day of classes. always brash and rowdy but when it was only the two of you.. he was.. a littler calmer than usual

to others, he was his usual explosive self but when it came to you, his tone would be a little softer. still, it's still rough around the edges but the subtle change is noticeable if you were a close friend of his

overtime, you and bakugo slowly became touchy with each other. there were lingering stares, lingering touches when you two were paired up to spar during training and what not

obviously with this sudden change of attitude towards you, the whole class noticed it. why were you getting treated differently by the king explosion god himself?

and before you even noticed it, you found yourself almost by his side at all times in the dorms. may it be in the kitchen where you're basically his second in command when he was in charge of cooking, in the lounge whenever everyone decides to have a little movie marathon or a little celebration, literally everywhere to the point everyone had made assumptions that you two have something going on

have you guys said anything about your little situation? no

have you guys shared a kiss? maybe

have you guys been caught holding hands? definitely. on multiple occasions

but nobody dared to question it. or else they would've been blown away by boom boom boy himself.

that is until, the girls found an opening which was tonight at yaoyorozu's room, in the middle of your slumber party

"i didn't mean to eavesdrop that one time but i overheard you giving him your notes when he was under house arrest for a few days" yaoyorozu sheepishly admits. she suddenly clasps her hands together and bows as she spews apologies for eavesdropping that one time

and like a domino effect, it seems like all the girls have noticed something about the two of you all along

"that reminds me! when we were practicing for the school festival, one time i saw bakugo teaching y/n how to play drums!" jirou quips

"did you guys notice the look on bakugo's face during the joint training with class 1-b when she got hit by gevaudan?! he was pissed!" uraraka adds

"don't think we didn't notice the look you have on your face whenever bakugo comes home from their remedial classes" hagakure teases

"god i've been dying to know! kirishima keeps telling me that he hears bakugo laughing to himself late at night at times now it's all clicking!" mina gushes

all this time you thought you and bakugo hid it well. then again it's like you two even had the chance to properly talk about whatever you two have going on

"so what do you have to say for yourself, y/n-chan? or cat got your tongue?" mina teases, nudging your shoulder

all the girls lean forward, awaiting for your answer

"... we're friends- yeah that's right! we're just friends you guys" you say awkwardly, scratching the back of your head as a nervous habit to top it all off

mina and hagakure don't buy it

"that's not very nice of you to deny your boyfriend like that" mina teases, poking you multiple times in hopes you break (you almost do)

not wanting to say anything else that could potentially jinx whatever you have going on with the blonde, you shrug. it might be a little embarrassing on your end to admit that you and the infamous bakugo katsuki were in a little dilemma you call a situationship

sensing that you weren't gonna budge anytime soon, mina moves on with the subject. talking about what quirks they wished they have from the class

you took this time to pull out your phone and send a little update to your.. friend

[9:24PM] you: so the girls asked me if i had a boyfriend.. [9:24PM] kitkats: and what did u say?? [9:25PM] you: i said no lol cus i dont have one [9:26PM] kitkats: ?? [9:26PM] kitkats: so am i just an arm accessory now or?

right before you were able to reply back, mina snatches your phone from your hands.

"no texting during the slumber party!" she yells, before taking a peek at who you're messaging

"give it back, mina!" you scream, trying to get your phone back to prevent her from reading what seems to be a new message from bakugo

"oh my god it's bakugo! wait let me send him a pic so he won't disturb our party" she squeals, taking a quick selfie of everyone with you looking all stressed out

"and.. sent!" she smiles proudly. after what seems like torture (it was only a few seconds) mina tosses your phone back to your hands before continuing on whatever you guys were talking about

not even a minute later, bakugo replies

[9:30PM] kitkats: raccoon eyes you better not set yn up with someone else when im literally right fuckin' here

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valley-of-headcanons · 23 hours

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If I can request, you did the way the bachelorettes react to ex-stardom. I enjoyed it so much and would love to see it for the bachelors too?

I love your writings ;u; ♡

bachelors reacting to your ex-stardom || headcanons

being in the limelight was fun for a while, but settling down is definitely what you needed. but how would your partner react to your past? part one here!

warnings: nothing that i can see! :)

requested by: anon! hii, thank you so much for the request! this topic is pretty interesting, and i really enjoyed writing for everyone! be sure to check out part one, it adds a little more context and i think it's super duper cool and you're definitely missing out. anyway! hope you enjoy :)

alex

• You and Alex were on the beach, resting after tossing around the Gridball. He got on the topic of his dream of playing Gridball professionally, and how although he wanted to make it big and turn his passion into a profession, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. He's been such a shut-in these last few years, only really hanging out with you and his grandparents. The fame sounds so scary. But ... you knew that all too well. He didn't know that, though. Maybe it was time.

• You slowly told Alex that you knew a lot about being famous, before explaining who you were. “Wait- what?! Why didn't you tell me sooner?! I love your music! Genuinely, like I listen to it all the time ... I know it's not really the manliest choice and it's my guilty pleasure- not to say men shouldn't listen to your music! Oh my yoba- sorry- ... I love your music. That's what I'm trying to say. It's really really good.”

• As you explained why you left the limelight, Alex nodded understandingly. “Yeah, Gridball will always be a dream of mine, but the people I'd be around are probably not good. Maybe staying in the town isn't such a bad idea, huh? I don't think anyone could really beat hangin' with you, grandma, and grandpa.”

• Alex soon opened up about which of your songs was his favorite, and asked in depth about them. There were some that really spoke to him emotionally, and he had a really bad time dealing with that sort of stuff. The fact that you created something he relates to makes him happier than ever! He scored pretty good, if he says so himself.

• Regardless of your old fame, he's still deeply in love with you. He admires your talent, but that doesn't overshadow how you've helped him in his life since you've actually been in it. He will still listen to your music, but maybe a little more publicly. He wouldn't tell anyone unless you said it was okay, but he'd totally be bragging about you if he were allowed.

elliott

• Elliott was not having a great writing session. He invited you over, incredibly stumped with his latest novel. He was bouncing ideas off of you left and right, but nothing would stick! You mentioned that music could be an inspiration, and it was like a lightbulb smacked him in the forehead. He raced over to his stereo and turned on the radio. A cheese-y pop tune ... YOUR cheese-y pop tune. He was embarrassed over the pop playing and immediately turned it, but he did notice your expression and inquired.

• You explained that the song on the radio was a song that you wrote and sang yourself. He was startled at first. “I didn't know we had such a big star in our midst! Are those your lyrics as well? I didn't pin you as such a wonderful writer, but I am so grateful! Someone that shares my writing prowess! I knew some invisible string brought us together!”

• As you continue to explain your past and why you came out to Pelican Town, Elliott nods along, hearing your story. “I didn't realize how similar we are. I understand wanting to get away from it all, that's why I'm out here as well. I suppose you came here to get away from your work, and I came to get closer to it. How awfully poetic that is, don't you think?”

• He asked a lot of questions, really diving deep into your mind. Of course, he only asked if you were comfortable with it. He loved analyzing people's minds, especially if they were different from his own. He may or may not use some of these aspects of your life in his new novel. With your permission, of course. You've always been his biggest muse.

• Elliott is invested in your life, like any good partner should, and admires your creative talent. This only heightens his view of you, as you are an artist, just like him. Despite the different mediums, you two share a lot in common. He would love you regardless of this aspect, but this only draws you two closer.

harvey

• Harvey was giving you a check-up, which was a bit unethical now that you were dating, but eh. He's the only doctor in the town and he's very worried about your health. He noticed that you mentioned a previous injury when checking your knee reflexes. This injury has occurred in a rehearsal for one of your tours. You didn't want to lie to your sweet boyfriend, so you had to admit the truth.

• As he wrote on his clipboard your reasoning, he stopped for a moment. “Tour? Popstar? Is this one of your sarcastic comments that I'm not getting? ... oh, really? You've never mentioned that part of your life before. Please, if you want to open up about it, show me some of your work once we get home. I hate to admit, but I'm fairly curious,” he said with a soft, caring smile.

• When you two get home after the checkup, he starts to cook dinner. “Please, keep me company while I cook. If you'd like to share some stories ... well, only if you're comfortable with it, I know that you got away from fame for a reason, but ... I want to know that part of your life, just like I know this one. Indulge me, if you would, my love.”

• He tries his best to support this part of your life, even if he wasn't involved. He ends up purchasing a lot of your old music and keeping a collection, showing it as a sign of affection. He listens to it while he does household chores, humming along to your songs happily while you're away.

• Harvey didn't mind this aspect of your life. It was another thing that made you the person he loves. He listens to everything you say and pays attention, specifically to the parts of fame you enjoyed and didn't enjoy. He only asked about the stuff you liked, and allowed you to open up about the hard times on your own, when you were ready. He was incredibly careful about the whole thing, and wouldn't dare make you uncomfortable.

sam

• As you and Sam were relaxing in his room one day, he was fiddling with his guitar. He seemed super stumped, strumming random chords to try and make some sense. Nothing was working ... he eventually showed you something that sounds sort of functional? But this rhythm was VERY similar to a song you put out a long time ago. You let out a soft giggle, which left Sam confused. You had to explain now.

• You drop the fact that you were a popstar in a nonchalant manner, trying to make it not a huge deal. But it's Sam. Of course it's a big deal. “No. Fucking. WAY! You're kidding, you've gotta be fucking with me! And you didn't tell me?! For SHAME! As punishment, you've gotta tell me all about it and I will refuse to change the topic. Now SPILL!”

• You explained who you are and why you left everything behind, which Sam thought about for a moment. “Wow ... I never really bought about fame that way. That must've been a lot, and I really do get why you came all the way down here. I'm just glad you're here now, y'know? ... but if you do end up getting the itch to create some music again, with no strings attached to fame, I'm always here. I'd love to create somethin' sick with you.”

• Sam always asked questions about the parts of fame he didn't know much about. Did you go to any parties? Was this person actually chill or were they a dick? He was so curious and asked probably the weirdest questions imaginable, but they were refreshing. And if you weren't the first person Sam showed his music to before, you were now. He always asked for your approval, and asked how to improve. It was extremely sweet.

• Even though he was excited about everything you had presented to him, he tried his best to be respectful. If you asked him to stop, he would with a nod and a quick apology, giving you a small kiss before putting the topic to bed. He still loved you for you! This aspect about you is just so cool and interesting to him. He adores you regardless, and wouldn't trade the current version of you for anyone else.

sebastian

• Sebastian had just finished working for the day and needed to relax. He flopped down on his couch and pressed the button on his radio. The pop station came on, and he was about to turn it before you walked in. You were shocked to hear your own song playing, staring at him with wide eyes. He makes some sarcastic comments about how this is actually his music taste and you just don't understand him. He doesn't understand why you're so shocked, though.

• As you slowly drop the bomb, he lets out a little chuckle. “Hah. Funny. You can drop the act, I can tell you're fuckin' with me ... are you really a world renowned superstar with several albums with hundreds of chart toppers? Like I believe that! Why the hell would you choose Pelican Town of all places to live, huh? This is the type of town you need to run away from.”

• You eventually have to explain why you left, why that lifestyle really wasn't you. He's actually at a loss for words for a moment, before nodding. “I didn't expect that out of you, you really are full of surprises. Tell me more, if you wanna. I'd be willing to listen. If you don't wanna talk about all that shit though, it's fine. Whatever you wanna do,” he said with a welcoming smile.

• Your music was FAR from what Sebastian listened to commonly. His Radiohead collection can attest for that. But ... he decided to take a listen to your music. He's very picky usually, so this is a pretty good feat. He actually kind of enjoyed it, for once. Maybe you're leading him down the path of liking something that's not edgy. Hmm. That's nice.

• Sebastian found this part of you incredibly interesting, but he didn't ask many questions. If you wanted him to know, he would, and he respected that. He loves hearing you talk about anything that you're passionate about, or just hearing you talk in general. It's arguably one of his favorite past times.

shane

• You and Shane were sitting by the pier one night. This was Shane's safe spot, attempting not to start drinking again. You two spent several afternoons sitting under the glow of the stars with an old cassette player and some of Shane's favorite songs. One of these nights, he mentioned that his childhood dream was to be an actor, and how weird fame seemed. He would hate being famous ... and you did too. This would be a perfect time to drop this bomb.

• You mentioned your past to Shane, but he brushed it off. “Uh huh. And I'm actually a famous bowler but I fucked up my arm and now I'm destined to live the rest of my life in this little shit hole. Oh, my poor dreams. How sad,” he said, his dry humor biting with sarcasm. He noticed your facial expressions ... they weren't sarcastic. “... I'm sober right? You didn't spike my drink or somethin' and you're tryin' to fuck with me ... huh. Now that's a topic.”

• You explained everything, mainly about why you came back here. You figured Shane wouldn't really know much about who you were, that's not his type of music anyway. “Huh. Nice. I figured you were just some corporate big league who got tired of the white walls. A lot of things make a lot more sense, I guess. You're a lot more talented than I thought ... sorry, that was mean- let me rephrase ... you are talented. I really am tryin' to get better about that ...”

• Shane didn't ask much about it further, but would listen if you brought it up again. He ended up stumbling across your work ... it was way better than he imagined. Maybe because it was you. It was a source of comfort to him, and he often listened to your beautiful voice when he was in a dark time. It helped him through a lot.

• He didn't mind your past, you had a lot less skeletons in your closet than he did. He liked hearing your voice, so it was a win-win. He got this down-to-Earth side of you that he enjoys being around, but he can also listen to his star-studded partner whenever he wants. He wouldn't tell you that, though. That's his little secret.

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authormars · 3 days

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Rant!

Don't read this if you don't want to. I am just very angry and needed to get my feelings out. It has nothing to do with Dialuci or headcanons like my normal content, it is simply me being angry at an anon.

If you want to read more, don't say I didn't warn you

The Barbatos Gossip Section is so funny to me. I like to yell my thoughts into the void there, but recently people have been blowing up about people complaining about there not being a whole lot of x male reader content (I am one of those complainers, but look at the tag fam. It's almost all women)

People kept saying "It's an otome game! It's for women" and people fought back saying "MC is genderless for a reason! They're inclusive!" (A point I totally agree with, as a masc person)

The thing that genuinely pisses me off though is the point of "You want to see it, go write it yourself" and I know it's stupid to get pissed over, but it seriously does, as a writer myself.

Some people just want to see representations of themselves in fanfiction, the place we go for representation when the og media doesn't give us that! Some people don't have the luxury of being able to write! A very close friend of mine has dysgraphia, in which they basically cannot write or keep a coherent story in their head. Some people don't have the time to write! Some people want to have a story with a reader that is male and that is hard to find in the x reader tag, especially with characters like Lucifer (I know from experience)

Also, the Barbatos Gossip Section is a place to complain! Stop getting on people's backs for complaining there! A particular anon called it, and I'm quoting directly here, "Look, I understand that OM mc is genderless, but I see those who complain about there being way too many female mc content. They need to realize how hypocritical they’re being. They’re acting like the mc has to only be gn, or male, and when they are gn they have to be masculine. Yet, when there is female mc, or the gn mc is feminine they get offended, and complain."

When has anyone ever gotten mad at this? Most of the people, including myself, understand that x female reader is always going to be common. The only thing we ask is that more people make MC more inclusive (for example, when writing a GN!MCxCharacter smut, doing two chapters for people with either parts, which I have seen done before)

They also called those people mysogynistic. They said, quoting from the post, "To those that do that, you give off heavy misogynistic vibes. Like being male is okay, but being female is the end all. The mc can be who the player is, how is that hard to comprehend for you."

The thing that pisses me off most of all, however, was how they ended it. "Lastly, Otome games are created for girls/women. Be grateful that there are games like OM that has a genderless mc." The arrogance of this anon alone pisses me off to no level. She acts (I can say that, based on the ask where she implied she was female) like all the masc people in the community don't matter.

The link is here for people who don't want to be searching for the post

Don't mind my rant, this ask just pissed me off to no end.

Please don't send hate to this person if you find out who she is. I am merely one very angry masc obey me fan who hates when people say things that aren't true.

If it pleases you, write/read x female reader fics. If you want, write/read x male reader fics. If x gender neutral reader is your jam, read it! I'm not here to police anyone's actions. I merely want to say that I, personally, desperately crave bottom Mammon fics :p

I'm a whore for bottom brothers

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pronounrespector · 23 days

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Can I say something

#beep booping #I'm glad there was a exodus in dtblr #It got rid of the fake fuckers 😭😭😭#Like there was people who peacefully left the Fandom and were essentially already one foot out of the door #And I could understand why they left #Then there's the fake mfs who I feel like wanted to leave at the first inconvenience #throw a hissy fit and make a dramatic exit #Like I just blocked two people (who's blogs aren't active anymore but just to be safe I still blocked them)#Who literally had posts all over their blogs about how much they love the dteam so so much #And they deserve the world blah blah blah #And then say fuck dream/fuck gnf IMMEDIATELY when everything went down #Like.#Dawg.#Sure you could say that maybe they felt betrayed or whatever the fuck and it's true that everyone was kind of freaking out in their own way #But at the same time they switched up so quick #I'm happy they left #We genuinely don't need anyone like that here #Anyways #Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

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scorndotexe · 21 hours

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genuinely sorry about all the dndposting recently it hasn't even been interesting but i'm so desperate to dm. i've got storytelling skills!!! i've got improv skills!!! i want to build a story around characters!!! i want to see what players do with what i give them!!!

#i want to get good at planning combat encounters too #i'm sad that the first group didn't work out #it really could have been great #but also. thank FUCK it didn't work out i need to get away from those people.#earlier the person that has basically only been condescending to me was like #''hey are we cool?''#because i never responded to his shitty condescending message #like no bitch we're not cool. shut the fuck up.#you have permanently ruined my opinion of you.#which may be harsh #but you need to understand he's an experienced dnd player and dm. started several dnd clubs #and did Not help me out at all #and when i was like ''hey man you're the experienced player here can you help me out''#he was like ''well i'm doing EVERYTHING i can. it's just a shitty way of life that the dm has to do everything''#(''everything'' means things i genuinely could not do by myself. things that were explicitly a group effort)#and he kept being like ''this is stressing you out let's take a break''#fucker i didn't need a break i needed HELP. i wasn't even stressed #i was pissed off #and INCREDIBLY reasonable the entire time. this sounds like biased bullshit i know #but the worst things i said were like #''hey guys i'm really looking forward to this but i can't do everything by myself i need some help''#''don't you wish you had a proactive player in your groups?''#and ''if you leave a date blank on the calendar i just have to assume that it's free. that's why we have the calendar''#so no man we're not ''cool''#also talking down to me is the easiest way to get me to dislike you. it's like a speedrun #''i don't think it's your fault. i don't think it's anyone's fault :)"#bro it very clearly is SOMEONE'S fault. definitely not mine.#fuck that guy #persimmon's rambles

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eclaire-went-bam · 13 days

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hey, what happened to the left believing in second chances? what happened to the belief that if somebody's tangibly doing better, they deserve that chance? you guys realise how common problematic beliefs were when the internet was younger? like, when gamergate was a thing? not that long ago? you guys realise most people on the internet are not from the same moral background as you? you guys realise keeping people out who have changed their beliefs, is only going to discourage more people from doing better? are you guys crazy? why are y'all bringing moral purity into this? it's a powerful thing to recognise things you've been taught were wrong & to then move away from it, especially when you're in a community around it either irl or online. being in a community is such a powerful force in most people's lives. not everyone had the perfect background & not everyone had access to being as educated on social issues as you did. it's fine to personally not forgive someone's problematic history & not interact with them, but to actively exclude them from the cause? get off your high horse, you're harming the movement by gatekeeping it to those with a perfect moral background.

#this is in response to a post i saw on here a while ago #“how do u even fall into those beliefs to begin with!!!” some people are raised by very shitty people next #yknow grifters who spread misinfo arent just talking into the void. they target a demographic that is ill-informed #idk i grew up in a household that never quite grew out of the cold war & when i was introduced to the internet when i was little #i was groomed by someone on the right & though i didn't hold any explicitly racist or homophobic beliefs or anything (mixed family household #& queer myself)#i was still problematic & stupid!#i know my Capitalist Era™ ended when i was 13-14 & that's Young but idk a lotta people believe the wrong things bcs they're stupid #or never questioned influences growing up before it spirals out of control #if someone shows genuine change they deserve a chance. the very system we live in is one that tries to convince ppl it works & to keep ppl #from knowing its crimes. so yea if it's working as intended a lotta people aren't gonna have Flawless beliefs i'm sorry #i feel like a lotta people who'll just exclude anyone from the left if they have a problematic history they've grown from are younger & need #to work thru their own special kind of puritanism #you don't have to like someone but you're helping Nobody by excluding those who've changed & tryna rile up ppl against them

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sovonight · 8 months

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sometimes i order a piece of clothing that turns out to be constructed so very carefully for a body that could never resemble my own that tailoring isn't even an option; the only possible courses of action available to me are to tear apart all the seams and attempt to patch it together into something new, which would take far more pain and effort than starting from scratch to begin with and would never be as beautiful as the potential of the original garment, or to just call it a loss and move on. that piece of clothing is bg 3

#bg 1 on the other hand is soooo tailorable--#not just because it's neutral by default but because of the fundamental belief that modded xan manages to instill in me #that if i could just speak to him outside of the confines of the script's dialogue options for a second... he would understand #like genuinely cringely that belief is present for me and it's why i'm ok dedicating so much time to tailoring him for me #meanwhile i dont believe similarly for anyone in bg 3 #my belief in bg 3 is that the LI would go 'ok bye' or 'but we can still fuck though right' or 'so basically we're just friends'#trying to believe otherwise is SOOO much work. and even if i modded it all... i'd still remember how it was originally!#i need the daydreaming to be effortless. i need to see the potential. i simply don't here #now if someone comes out with a brand new full companion mod--THEN we might be talking #if someone comes out with a full game replacer where bg 1 is recreated in bg 3--THEN i might return #until then?? it doesn't fit right. it doesn't fit right So Badly that there's no fixing it without a disproportionate amount of work

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 months

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truly something that, amidst facing / going through a dramatic Life Change ft. unavoidable emotional effects of that, there are instances where i can't conceal any & all degrees of being distressed / upset, & repeatedly getting "it's hard for me too" as a Direct Response to that: really something & a half how the asserted theoretical Sympathy of [i feel similarly!] is invoked so as to, oh you know, preclude sympathetic Treatment. such as that what would be More sympathetic in these instances would be to say Nothing, "if there's nothing but dismissal / making it first & foremost about someone else's feelings to say, don't say it at all" style

#reading also that original Lovelessness essay ''love is meant to make me human / love is also the mechanism by which my humanity #has been denied'' always preferring to have [sorry! couldn't fully bottle up this Emotiona externally manifesting at all!] Ignored rather #than ''nicely'' interacted with so as to Invalidate; Dismiss; someone's annoyed at you for having it; etc #for bonus context like we are not in the same boat with it.#not a case of ''the same situation; mine is worse though'' like no; fundamentally different situations here lmao. mine is worse #If You Feel So Bad. Or At All. then at least now do me the favor of Not Saying That; Repeatedly #their feelings put on me too in other ways. stewing resentment into lashing out; tossing out ''but i'm justified'' like ok! Your business!!#the ol like. If You're Going To Do Something Anyways then how you justify it to yourself is Your business / b/w you & your god as they say #& the last thing to do is be making it the problem of ppl Most Affected by what you're gonna do anyways & Also ask their Absolution.....#like if you need more moral support abt What You're Doing Anyways: turn to Anyone Else. even No One if you have to.#bit going tf through it when it's spilling over into Posting but such is life!! we all have that [the horrors. girl help] blogger on dash #again the tl;dr like oh you don't say. the [umm but have you considered? My Feelings! (they're so sympathetic at all. yor welcome)] is #the mechanism through which Really basic sympathy is being denied & replaced with [Saying Nothing would've been less hurtful]#misgendering me the other night too while Also all 'hey I'm trying to talk to the customer service. why are You going up & talking first'#(that was me experiencing the latter. i didn't say it but i was like cmon. my glasses are fogging up w/surgical mask (don't have access to #more effective masks so doing what Nonzero i can there) i'm a bit carsick i'm weathering a crisis. can i have anything here lol)#just Oh You Know. The Horrors....#balancing ofc trying to endure trying to self soothe etc etc. with ''it's the horrors. it's gonna be horrific & you're gonna be affected''#ah the [being kind to oneself] like also means knowing how reasonable it is to Not solo contain & endure & Cope Through everything....#crushing a paper cup in my hands genuinely i would like to generously thank my virtual allies out here today. mic feedback #irl In Real Life? life is Real asf here & nobody Realer than them

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izzy-b-hands · 10 months

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I really wish blocking someone meant their stuff wouldn’t wind up on your dash at all. Like I understand why it doesn’t, but. still.

Actually, I just need to get better abt checking source urls before I reblog. I try to be mindful, but now and again I Forget and have only myself to blame lmao

#text post #I would love to reblog their art and be supportive in that way at least but tbh #every time I accidentally reblog it I remember checking out their blog and seeing how they talked abt fans that like Izzy and the izcourse #and it's like oh no that's right you hate ppl like me and ur art might be gorg but maybe we just shouldn't interact #they do their thing and I'll be over here doing mine #what really needs to happen is I need to remember to check urls on fandom art to make sure it isn't any of the folks I had to block lmao #but sometimes I get excited bc the art is genuinely lovely and i do like it and think the person is v talented!#and then i forget to check and it's only after scrolling my dash that i see my reblog and the url and go 'oh. fuck. that's right. damnit.'#it's a weird feeling to be like yes I want this person to have fun and make gorgeous art but also it seems #they've made it p clear how they feel abt folks like me and so maybe they would prefer i just fuck off #which i tried to do by blocking!! and yet. here we are #i delete the reblogs whenever this happens so they don't have me in their notes but #i do hope they know their art is lovely and I appreciate their hard work even if we wouldn't otherwise get along with each other #idek why I'm blogging abt this I guess bc I feel like usually it's either or online? like u either hate each other or u don't #but I don't hate the folks who sent shit to me or the folks who condoned it i just wish i had found a way to get along with them instead #as useless a wish as that probably is #and i don't talk abt it a lot but it really bugs the fuck outta me sometimes that we can't just start over and try to interact generally #no messages no trying to be friends just reblog from them if u like and otherwise ignore each other #which has been a thing that's worked fairly okay in other fandoms tho things have happened in others to change how workable it was #but for some reason in this one i feel like im just always walking on eggshells to interact w/anyone bc it feels like everyone is waiting #for someone else to say something they vaguely disagree with and instead of just like. blocking and moving on w/the fandom experience #it turns into a massive mess that even if ur on the fringes of it all you still get pulled into or sent shit and just.#idk it doesn't matter bc ultimately none of this does but dang it the show has been special to me and hits all my special interests #and it's hard to let go and accept that there's no changing how things went and how they are and how this fandom experience for me is often #very fucking lonely even when i'm bursting at the seams to share and to hear from others what they think abt anything and everything w/it #no one is gonna read this tag essay lmao pls scroll on

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iridescentoracle · 8 months

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@eglerieth replied to your post: Hello! I am here to ask about your Dior headcanons…

What’s your Galadriel headcanon?

Oh man, I didn’t see this!! Thank you for asking, i fully did not expect anyone to actually get far enough into the Dior post to see that let alone actually want to know. Sorry I’m two days late!

So! What we know about Galadriel in the Silmarillion:

She hated Fëanor but thought being a queen sounded pretty sweet/desired power

She’s named as one of the leaders of the Noldor across the Helcaraxë

Instead of founding her own kingdom (like she’d explicitly originally wanted) or moving in with her brother she got married and stayed in Doriath and learned a lot from Melian

Eventually Melian was like “hey so you should explain the weird ominous evil metaphysical cloud i can see hanging over the Noldor so i can explain about it to my husband bc he should really learn about whatever happened before it blows up in everybody’s faces” and Galadriel was like “yeah he probably should but i’m not telling”

At some point Galadriel asked Finrod why he wasn’t married yet

One time Melian casually foreshadowed Beren’s existence to Galadriel, who has no recorded response

That’s it. That’s literally all we know about what she was up to. She was super jazzed about the prospect of Ruling A Kingdom and then made friends with a queen and learned a bunch from her and… was still alive after the War of Wrath, and in between we have nothing.

We don’t know how she survived the Second Kinslaying, we can assume she made it to the Havens of Sirion but don’t know how she survived the Third Kinslaying let alone what she did/where she went after that… we don’t know what her reaction was to the death of her only remaining family member in Middle-earth, for which her cousins and the great-uncle in whose kingdom she lived were both partially responsible…

Like, that's weird, right? Galadriel is firmly established as someone bold and interested in being a ruler and stubborn as all get out, and then she… does nothing and everybody seems to forget she exists for several hundred years and some major political upheavals that should have personally affected her? It's not just me? That's really weird?

So, my Galadriel headcanon is that she’s inexplicably absent for most of the Quenta Silmarillion because she was deliberately erased/left out by the scribes writing things down because there was no way to acknowledge her presence in Doriath during and after Beren & Lúthien’s whole everything without getting into the messiest bit of Sindar-Noldor political tension that didn’t involve the Fëanorioni, because (again, headcanon) Galadriel Did Not Respond Well to her uncle getting her brother killed as a side effect of trying to get her cousin’s boyfriend killed and there was A Lot Of Tension for a while there (when you’ve got that kind of interpersonal tension between people who are both essentially Political Figures, i figure it’s probably going to turn into political tension unless they’re both trying very very hard to avoid that and potentially even then)

…and then after Thingol’s death a few years later, I think one of the primary contenders for Next Ruler of Doriath was Galadriel “Well I Came Here For A Kingdom In The First Place” Granddaughter-of-Olwë and also her husband is related to Thingol* and Lúthien’s clearly removed herself from contention so if the Sindar want a monarch who’s actually related to the last one they both qualify, it’s perfect and obviously Galadriel should be the next queen of Doriath (it is not obvious to everyone)

* on a side note, Celeborn is mentioned twice in the Quenta Silm: #1, Galadriel stays in Doriath because she’s marrying a “kinsman of Thingol,” while #2, shortly after Thingol’s death, Celeborn is referred to as a “prince of Doriath.” Not actual evidence, but it sure fits in nicely!

Like I said in the Dior post, I don’t think anything ever came to outright surface-level conflict; a civil war in Doriath is not getting left out of the Silmarillion. Tension between Galadriel and Thingol, though? and then between Galadriel and [various other contenders for the throne after Thingol, potentially including Dior himself when he arrived] that had everyone a little nervous? when she didn’t become queen and did (however begrudgingly) accept that Dior was the closest thing to a consensus pick and did survive the next several thousand years only to finally wind up as functional queen of most of the remaining Sindar despite eschewing the actual title? That I can see getting diplomatically left out of the histories, and explaining why she’s completely during the parts of the story where you’d think she’d be most involved.

#eglerieth #replies #lotr #character: galadriel #the silmarillion #listen i love galadriel more than words can express but so much of what's interesting about her is her character development #we know her best from LOTR as one of the oldest wisest most powerful most respected people in all of middle-earth #and she started as this stubborn willful power-hungry kid?#it's been a long time since i first read the silmarillion but i still remember discovering that and how it blew my mind #so while i do think all of this makes sense as An explanation for her disappearance from the text #part of why it's *my* explanation of choice is that i love that that's where she started and i think it's a shame we don't get to see more #of first age galadriel being this complicated messy figure who makes her third age self look all the more amazing #bc how the hell did she get there from here #so it works out so nicely if part of the reason we don't know more about early galadriel being Complicated™...#is just how Complicated™ early galadriel was #anyway the main thing i have realized in writing this & the dior post is holy shit i think about the silmarillion too much #i have. so many thoughts and opinions that i have never discussed with anyone and i don't even know what i actually need to explain #/what facts & opinions i need to establish as context for the stuff i'm actually trying to talk about #guessing the answer is "a whole bunch that i didn't‚ but not like half the things i *do*'' but i genuinely do not know!

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maraeffect · 7 months

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there is literally not a worse feeling that exists than the feeling that you just annoy people.

#just doesn't exist. I'm so fucking isolated right now i absolutely hate it. and the people that ARE close to me?#i feel that i annoy them the most and one of them is actively pushing me away #i can't find anyone to be friends with me IRL here in Jersey. it's been almost nine months here #and I don't have a single IRL friend. i try online apps and support groups but nothing clicks #and the people that chat with me on the apps stop answering after 2 messages.#my own best friend of like 8 years won't even fucking talk to me. not bc she hates me or anything #but she is so fucking caught up in her own head that she literally avoids me. so that sucks!!#i know she's suffering bc she is so worried about me but. it's a really big slap in the face that #we've supported each other thru thick and thin the past 8 years. and i dropped everything for her more than once #but in my time of biggest need when I'm the most alone I've ever been in my adult life???#she cannot show up for me. that fucking sucks.#and I've distanced myself from my only close family bc they've severely mistreated me so.#all i have is my partner. who means the world to me and sacrifices so much to help me!!#but it comes at the cost of CONSTANTLY feeling like a huge fucking annoyance to the only person in my life #who is genuinely able to show that they love and care for me. that's literally awful to feel.#we just had our 5 year anniversary and i needed something really celebratory so badly.#and it didn't happen and our ''anniversary'' was just at home #and our official anniversary of starting dating is on veterans Day. and we won't even be in the same fucking region #so I'll be alone with my shitty family.#i hate it i feel so unappreciated and unwanted and like nothing about me is ever enough.#negative #audio

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dreadfuldevotee · 6 months

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i am just...so profoundly tired of being me

#char.txt #there is something that is so revolting about me I am incapable of shaking the shame of it #Theres nothing i can do to make myself happy its just not possible i think i have to accept that #but im tired of pretending for other people its so stupid #everything feels fake even when im being honest i dont know who this person is anymore #its just stupid idk im thinking about too many things #my life feels like it exists for other peoples entertainment and if im not interesting im failing and im wasting peoples time and energy #but i can't be alone anymore I legitimately cannot be alone anymore ive tried so hard it only makes things worse #I need to feel wanted and maybe its something im missing thats keeping me from feeling that way #but I feel so deeply that when i stop being funny or when the person ppl actually want to talk to comes around ill stop being relevant #i dont exist to people when im not infront of them and...idk i have to be okay with that because im never anything more #and like this genuinely isnt a dig because there are people who I am friends with who have access to see this and I don't want you to feel #like its something youve done cause its not your fault its kind of not even about any of you or the ppl wholl never see this #Its something im missing its something about me and i dont deserve cruelty ik that #but i can't make anyone want me more than they do and thats alright #i just know that ill always be second fiddle at best and it just exausts me sometime #its be easier if I liked me but I wouldnt wish my presence upon anyone #but im selfish and i need the attention or ill actually self destruct so here we are this is my boulder

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thethingything · 1 year

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I just remembered after all the shit earlier with having to figure out whether to go to the hospital, we fell asleep for a few hours and then woke up with stomach cramps so bad we couldn't move and we've had food poisoning symptoms for the rest of the evening. we have no idea what caused this

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #we were fine and then we didn't feel great shortly before sleeping and then we woke up almost screaming so idk #this is me venting about a smaller issue because the hospital and a few other things earlier triggered some stuff #and we've felt like shit all day but kept trying to ignore it but then it eventually led back to stuff that happened back in early June #which I don't think I can talk about on here because I'm not making those triggers public #and I genuinely don't know how we'd trigger tag it properly to avoid triggering other people because yeah it was fucking bad #we had a whole breakdown in a discord vent channel and then barely spoke about it again with anyone #other than like the people who were also there at the time and saw what happened #vent post #<- so I can find this later if I need to

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viosjaan · 2 months

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i don't think you want anything to do with me anymore so i can just vent the texts i want to send to you here

#i am sorry #truly genuinely #ive been trying to justify it to myself that we weren't technically together and you said go kiss other people ill still be here meet your #needs in the way you want #but i think it was #yesterday #this guy flirted with me and i flirted back but then suddenly this wave of disgust and self loathing hit me #like what am i even doing #how could i have done that #you were sitting there thinking we're okay you thought we were still together and im just in a bad mood going thru one of those depressive #episodes you were so understanding when you shouldn't have been because if i say im in love with you i should be there for you every step #of the way.#but you go through so much shit alone and im never there for you or atleast not there for you a lot of times and then i blame you for #liking your bestfriends more like it's so stupid obviously love should be reliable stable #and we were something na. we were everything except the label #i should have told you the moment i started feeling empty and dissatisfied again #but just. this isn't an excuse but like i didn't want to hurt you by bringing up this same fight for the one thousandth time #we agreed that you're not in the position to give more and i agreed to be okay with it and i really was.#but i can't help myself i want to give you everything i hate that feeling that i need to be less love less WANT less. mujhse nahi ho pata #i wasn't lying or pretending to be okay with it i was TRYING my best to be okay with it because i love you and this was the only way to #not lose you forever #now i just want to move on fr and be just friends with you. i can't lose you as a person but i don't know how to make this up to you #i am physically incapable of being in this situationship i want a relationship or a friendship i can't with this in between #which is what i told you in jan. i remember my chest actually feeling heavy with fear bc i was so scared of hurting you and getting hurt #again. jokes on me my worst fears came true all the progress we made by taking space is lost #i don't know if you really deleted my playlist. i tried to listen to more songs from it but they're so. lovely. talking about epic grand #love. which we have. but it's like waving a candy in front of a kid and snatching it away it hurts too much to have all the feelings and #none of the relationship. now that ive talked to some people in the romantic sense i get it #you were my best love my most perfect love there are no flaws there's nothing anyone else can do that can be equal or more to what you did #but idk it isn't meant to be maybe there's no future

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sastiel-is-my-serotonin · 8 months

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Apparently some people don't know this but don't force your help onto others and basically kidnap them because you think they need your help and aren't doing it how you want them to.

Like if someone agrees to stay with you for the weekend because hotel prices are incredibly high and they can't afford it, don't strand them at your place for nearly a week where they have no electricity, service, or internet. Especially when they have important things to do for their livelihood that can change their lives for the better. Such as meetings and calls they have been waiting for because they're income sources that they need.

And they were already screwed over by getting kicked out of a shitty apartment from shady people that gave them less than twenty four hours to put down three grand to possibly stay there for six months. Saying you weren't compliant, even though you went above their expectations and did their job for them because they weren't meeting your families needs and were delaying stuff the way they were doing it. And it had a lot of problems like electricity not working in like the apartment, plumbing being a nightmare nearly every day. At night it sounded like the purge and it was genuinely scary especially when people would pound on your door multiple times a night.

Like don't play the savior and screw over the people you were supposably helping because they aren't acting the way you want them to and they're getting upset at you purposefully setting them up for failure so you can "help" them further.

You know, just a general thing and not something that we just had to deal with at all. And are still currently dealing with because we have to undo the "help" we received.

#Life would be better if people helped us in the way we asked and not the way they want to #Because it takes a lot to ask for help especially when you keep getting treatment like this #We know what needs to be done - we are working on it #But because people keep purposefully setting us back since they think they know better for us - we're going in circles not forward #It's exhausting and frustrating and we need people to let us do what we are trying to do #Because we understand our situation better than anyone else and know the hardships and solutions to get out of them #All you have to do is listen to what we're asking for and you can genuinely help rather than be someone else that set us back #I've been holding in this frustration for too long and honestly I'm going to snap if people jeep doing this #Why were we basically kidnapped for nearly a week and we're so totally screwed if we don't get things sorted #All because someone thought they knew better for us?#Because they refused to listen to us and nearly got my siblings taken away from us because of their ignorance??#Like genuinely wtf is wrong with people #We're homeless - but we're still people you can't just decide where you want us to be and force us there #Like a aaahhhhh #We appreciate the help of a roof over our head but I don't know if it was worth the price #Okay I should get some sleep bc we definitely aren't staying here bc we don't have money #So I need some sleep at the very least

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