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aloneinthehellfire · 4 months

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Chapter Twelve: Down The Rabbit Hole

Gates Of Hell Masterlist

Word Count: 11k (the struggle was real)

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, horror, gore

[A/N: immensely shocked at myself for finishing this chapter but ultimately that means there are some reallyyyy good bits and some that… I hate the ending but I wrote it five different ways and this is just word vomit now. We will be back with more GOH after the new year but until then, I hope everyone has a good festive period <;3]

Down The Rabbit Hole

White walls. Red blood. Green Eyes.

The same nightmare crept up on you again, raising your heart rate and jolting you awake. This time hadn’t been any clearer than the last, no matter how hard you tried to look for more clues, to escape. But it ended the same it always did; with those glowing green eyes.

You blink against the darkness, hearing soft snores and breathing in the space around you. Everyone else was sleeping, only Joyce and Hopper not to be seen. They must be on patrol.

When you look to your right, you notice a familiar head of hair in the cot beside you, facing the wall with steady breaths. Part of you wanted to wake him then, pull him into all of your spiraling thoughts. But that was selfish.

Holding your breath, you make as little sound as possible as you slip out of the bed, containing a wince when a pain shoots up your ankle. An unfriendly reminder of your fate. You hadn’t bothered taking your sneakers off when you slept, part of you worrying that something would have you rushing out of bed at a moment’s notice.

Thankfully, the door was quiet as you closed it behind you, taking a deep breath in an empty room. New maps were sprawled across the table now, different markings. Places Hopper was going to search in a dangerous setting all because you had a theory.

It was all too much to be thinking about now. Rather than stay, you head up a few measly steps and exit the ‘bunker’, finding yourself back in what you assumed to be a control room. The room was cast in a red light, the source held behind a long panel of glass.

The gate, while terrifying, was also strangely beautiful. It looked alive, if anything, thrumming in calm bursts of crimson lights, a few white particles scattering the air in front of it. You thought it almost looked peaceful as you leaned with your arms against a metal railing, noting the door that would lead you to the gate on a lower level.

What would be the last thing you saw? It was useless pretending like the virus wasn’t constantly in your mind. If you were to turn, where would it be? Would it hurt? Would you hurt someone? How would you avoid that?

You remembered how Holloway was barely human. You also recalled his momentary lapse of weakness, a glimmer of the man you once called a teacher. Did that mean he was still in there, in no control of his own body? And, if that were to happen to you, could you really live with yourself if you killed the ones you loved?

A heavy thought for an April morning.

The creak of the door caught your attention. You glance over to see the boy you survived four days with closing the door behind him, running a hand through his hair. Even with a bed-head, he might be the most godly guy you’ve seen.

“Sorry. Was I loud?” You wince but he’s quick to dismiss it.

“No, no. I… I tried falling asleep but, uh, haven’t managed to do that in a while, you know?”

You merely nod, returning your attention back to the gate as he joins you, mirroring your own stance.

Steve takes a long look at the gate in front of him. This was the very thing that started all his problems, ruined his life. Although, he supposed he was already doing that himself before he could redeem that part he had kept hidden away. And that wasn’t until the gate had spewed out a grey faceless monster. Funny, how he could be grateful for an alternate dimension when it was the birth of an apocalypse on the town he called home.

His eyes eventually shift to yours, his gaze softening. You looked tired, worn from everything you’ve been through over the past four days. He can tell you didn’t sleep much either. He could also tell you were overthinking something in the way your tongue was pressed against your bottom lip.

“Are you okay?”

You meet his stare and he almost feels himself melting. He had followed you out here for a reason, and now he was paying the price of nerves attacking him. He really hoped you couldn’t notice the red he felt creeping up his neck against the already rouge light.

“I wish someone would have dragged me into this sooner.” You sigh and he looks surprised. “I get my dad was just trying to protect me but… I can’t help thinking how different everything would be if someone just told me. Maybe… maybe I wouldn’t have been in detention in the first place.”

“Maybe.” He agrees quietly, fidgeting with his hands, “I’m glad you were, though.”

Your eyes flash towards his with a confused scrunch of your brows. “Why?”

“I don’t know what I would have done if I had to go through this alone.” He admits, avoiding your eyes by turning back to face the window. “It was nice, having someone there. Even if we, uh, hate eachother.”

You let out a small laugh, shaking your head slightly. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m kinda glad you were there, too. Even, yeah, even if we are sworn enemies.”

“Y/n.”

He finally looks at you and you patiently wait for whatever he has to say. The longer it takes, the stranger you feel, like a growing pit of anticipation, both good and bad. You watch as he struggles with the words, like he couldn’t choose or he genuinely didn’t know what to say, his lips forming them in small twitches but never speaking.

“I don’t hate you.”

You didn’t realise how close you were until you felt his shoulder brush against yours as he shifted to lean on one arm, looking at you, expecting a response.

“I…” You try, searching his eyes for some kind of hint that this was all a joke. But it was genuine. So genuine, you found yourself lost in his gaze, fighting the idea that you never wanted to leave it. “You don’t?”

“I thought I did.” He says, his voice merely a whisper. “But I meant what I said. I’m glad you were there at the beginning of all this. And… and I’m glad it was you.”

The sudden flutter in your chest was crumpled by the hand of anxiety, pulling you back down to earth, burning the incriminating evidence on your ankle as to why that hope you felt would never be. Timing was a cruel mistress.

“Steve…” You start, but he is already closer now, close enough to make you look at him.

“I don’t want us to hate eachother.” He says, and he meant it with every heartbeat in his chest, “I don’t… I don’t even know why it’s like this. The last four days just proved that I don’t have a single reason to hate you, Y/n. And… and I don’t want to pretend anymore.”

“I…” You hoped if you started talking, the words would just follow. But instead, they stay stuck in your throat in the same way your eyes never wavered from his brown ones. Those little gold flecks shone bright at you. You couldn’t do this to him.

“Do you hate me?” He asks, rearing himself closer. You catch his eyes dart to your lips and you hold your breath, your fingers unintentionally moving to his hand.

That delicious tingle of contact brushed against him, racing his heart across his body until he felt like it was over the moon, that painfully sweet anticipation of your lips against his…

But you pull your head away from his, your eyes squeezed shut.

“We can’t.” You whisper out, so quiet he thought he misheard you. He hoped he had, but he was so focused on your lips he knew each word as they left your mouth.

“Why?” Steve frowns softly, reaching out to take your hand in his, and you don’t snatch it away.

“Y/n… we don’t have to keep playing that stupid game high school made up for us. Okay? High school practically doesn’t even exist anymore-”

“There’s too many complications.” Your voice is strained, like you didn’t want to say it.

“Like what?” He looks at you for an answer, but you can’t meet his eyes. “Give me one good reason why, and I’ll go. Just don’t lie to me.”

“We haven’t spoken in years, Steve.” You finally look up at him and he can see the tears already pooling. “Not as friends, at least. I’m glad I got to see the real Steve Harrington, even if it was just a few days, but… but that’s not enough time to really know eachother. You don’t know me.”

“It doesn’t change how I feel.” He says and you so badly wanted to grab him and kiss him until all the pain went away, all your issues and burdens, the entire world if nothing at all. But you can’t. What if you committed to this and it all blew up in your face? What if it ended quicker than it began?

“I’m sorry.” You finally say, stepping back and wiping a tear. He doesn’t let you go. “Steve-”

“You claim I don’t know you. That I haven’t had enough time to.” He starts, concern marking his eyes. “But right now, I know you’re hiding something from me.”

Steve can’t believe that his past self was so adamant on hating you, returning your unkind favours with his own, battling out who could make the other’s life a living hell. It took an actual living hell to realise he was wrong. Without the distraction of high school, he was forced to admit his feelings. To himself. To you. The whole world was burning, but his biggest fear was that you wouldn’t like him the same way he has liked you all this time.

“Just tell me.” He pleads. “Y/n-”

“One of those things got me.” You finally blurt and he blinks, shaking his head.

“I don’t-”

“The demodog. At school.” You begin, gulping back the fear. It was time you admitted it to yourself. “When it was dragging me away… I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“What are you trying to say?” He asks, but he already knows the answer. He wants you to prove him wrong, tell a different fate.

“It bit me.” The words were heavy as they tumbled from your lips, hitting the air with a cold smack. “And I’m pretty sure I’m gonna turn into one of those things out there.”

Steve doesn’t speak, doesn’t move- breathe. It would have been funny to see Steve buffering if you hadn’t just admitted your death sentence.

“No.” He says plainly and you shut your eyes. “No, that’s not- no.”

Rather than speak, you slowly reach down and pull up the leg of your jeans, revealing the damned mark to him once and for all. His skin was getting paler as he followed the black veins snaking along your skin, like growing vines.

“No, that’s not poss-” He stops himself with a deep breath, stepping back and resting his hands on his head. “If it was- you would have turned by now if it was true. The others didn’t take that long, right? It’s not…”

“I don’t know how it works. I thought… maybe, it wasn’t affecting me. But the veins… look just like the ones they have. I… I don’t know how long I have left.”

“We’ll find something.” He suddenly says with a hardened face and posture. “A cure. There’s gotta be a way out of it.”

“I don’t think there is one.” You say, cutting him off when he tries to speak. “We don’t even know how long this virus takes, or if it affects people differently- we don’t have the time.”

“Maybe El knows something.” He suggests, but even he knew it was a long shot. He just couldn’t believe he had been laying in that bed figuring out how to tell you his feelings, thinking the worst you could say was that you didn’t feel the same way.

“You can’t tell anyone.” You’re quiet, shifting on your leg with your head low. Steve can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“What- you… you expect me to just pretend like everything’s fine?” He exasperates, scrunching his face when you don’t respond. “No, Y/n, don’t- don’t just spring that on me and expect me not to help you.”

“They’re leaving today.” You finally speak, looking up at him with sad eyes. “They’ll head out to the school, go through a gate and try to survive while finding unknown evidence of my theory. If I’m wrong, then it was all for nothing. They could get hurt, or- or worse. And if I’m right… then what? How do we know they’ll be able to fight it? All of this while the kids are going to be listening in on every breath and every step, Joyce is gonna be wondering what to do if Hop never comes back, Jonathan- Mike is going to be scared for his life knowing his sister is down there. And then El… everyone already has so much weighing them down, so many things to be afraid of. I don’t even know if this bite is gonna do anything but I want them going in with clear heads, not constantly worrying about me.”

“Not even Robin?” He challenges, coming closer again. “Your dad?”

“Robin will be fine.” You say, convincing yourself. “And Hop… I can’t think about that right now.”

“Y/n-”

“No.” You snap, taking a deep breath when you realise how loud the word had slipped from your mouth. “Sorry. I just… even if I did tell him… what is he gonna do? What the hell are any of us gonna do? There isn’t a cure, or- or a way out. Either it’s fine and it doesn’t happen, or I’m gonna become one of those things. And… and I can’t become one of them. I can’t let my dad, you, anyone, watch me become one of those things.”

When you blink, a single tear catches and trails down your face. Steve places his hand on your cheek, gently wiping it away with his hand and you’re surprised by the contact, but you don’t pull away. He brings his other hand up until he’s cupping your face, a pained expression painting his own.

“I’m not letting that happen to you.” He whispers and you instinctively hold on to his arms.

Before you could utter another word, the startling creak of the lab door on the other side of the room catches your attention just as it’s thrown open, revealing wide eyes of the adults catching you in a moment.

Steve practically jumps away from you, assuming what he hoped was a casual pose and you tighten your lips.

Joyce is suppressing a smile, clocking Hopper’s hardened stare as his eyes flicker between you both.

“Hi, kids.” She smiles.

“Hey.” You respond, ignoring Steve’s flushed look. “How was the patrol?”

“I’m moving your beds.” Hopper states and Joyce rolls her eyes.

“He’s kidding.” She says as she steers him away from you both and towards the bunker door.

“He’s not.” Hopper grumbles but eventually gives in with a sigh. “We’re about to get everyone up and ready, we’ll need you both for this meeting.”

“We’ll be there.” You nod and he lets out another sigh.

“Come on.” Joyce teases, opening the door and stepping through.

Before Hopper followed, he paused with one hand holding the metal door open. “Oh, and Steve?”

“Yes, sir?” Steve suddenly straightens and your eyes widen in amusement.

“Three feet away from my daughter.”

“Yes, sir.” He takes a big step back away from you and Hopper hums in approval, finally shutting the door behind him.

Despite the tension still lingering in the air, almost-kisses and heartbreaking-declarations, you started to laugh.

“What?” Steve frowns, the tips of his ears bright red.

“Nothing.” You giggle still, shaking your head in disbelief. “Never thought my dad would ever be worried about me and Steve Harrington. It’s… god, it’s funny.”

“He’s scary when he’s like that.” Steve mutters and you have to walk away before you laugh any harder. “Where are you going?”

“To this meeting before Hop comes back and asks for your head on a stick.”

With that, his eyes widen and he clears his throat, nodding viciously.

“Yep, yep, one hundred percent with you there.” And he steps forward before pausing.

“What is it?” You raise your eyebrow and he scans the floor between you, making you groan. “Are you seriously staying three feet away from me right now?”

“He could be watching.” He whispers and you roll your eyes.

“God, you’re such a coward.”

“Better a coward than thrown in jail for the rest of my life.”

“He can’t do that- oh for god’s sake.” You move quicker than he can react and place your hand on his shoulders. He tenses and you smile. “See? No one’s coming to arrest you.”

He lets out a chuckle, looking down at you like you were water in the Sahara, before his face drops to a serious tone.

“You have to tell him, Y/n.”

You let your hands fall back by your side and bite your bottom lip. “I know. But I can’t. Not yet.”

“What on god’s horribly disfigured earth were you doing this morning with Harrington?” Robin persists with a low voice and you shoot her a warning look.

You and Steve had returned to the sleepy gazes of your friends, some still trailing in while rubbing their eyes, others didn’t even look like they had woken up yet. Regardless, Hopper’s voice was demanding, and you had shuffled your way over to Robin so you could focus. If you were standing beside Steve, the apocalypse wouldn’t be the first thing on your mind.

“Can we not talk about it here?” You hiss, aware of the ears around you that could pick up on the conversation.

“Fine.” Robin widens her eyes mockingly. “You wanna keep it on the down low, got it. Tell your boyfriend that first.”

She nods her head in Steve’s direction and when you look over, a blush creeps across his cheeks and he’s averting his eyes, making your heart flutter.

“Not my boyfriend.” You almost forget to correct, folding your arms and redirecting your gaze back to Joyce.

“El will be by the gate, ready to connect with Hopper and try to find whatever is causing these gates to open.” Joyce smiles at the young girl beside her. “As for everyone else, we’ll need people on radios at all times. Patrol will be done periodically as usual.”

“I got the radios sorted.” Dustin smiles, motioning to the pile on the table.

Steve takes a glance down before his stomach twists. How many times had he tried contacting Dustin before his heart couldn’t take it anymore? Too many.

“The plan is for us to be down there an hour at most. It will let us cover the area surrounding the school and if we don’t find anything when our time is up, we’re getting out and we’re coming back here for a new course of action.” Hopper states and Nancy nods beside him, mentally capturing the map in her mind with the intention of scripting their movements in the limited time period.

“And if you do find something?” Mike asks and Hopper furrows his brows.

“We’re not planning on getting close enough to say hello.” He replies lowly, “But I know El will have eyes on us the whole time.”

The girl in question is nodding her head, face stoic and ready for her duties.

“We’ll head off in two hours. Until then, let’s make sure we have everything we need and take some time to prepare.”

And by that, he meant to prepare mentally. Nancy looked ready but her eyes kept darting to where Jonathan sat, already staring back at her. You supposed there must have been some friction when she decided to follow Hopper into the Upside Down. And in a mere two hours, a lovers quarrel would be the last thing to worry about.

“Y/n.” Hopper calls and you snap out of your thoughts, looking up. “You okay to do the patrol shift?”

“Yeah.” You nod, turning to Robin.

She was already walking away, her hands held up in silent protest and you understood her decision.

You absent-mindedly start looking to where Steve was standing, his arms crossed, back against a wall as Dustin chatted his ear off. The idea of being alone with him before all of this was excruciating, a thought that would never have crossed your mind. Now you were willing, and very happily so, to be spending time with him. He’s changed a lot from the King Steve you’ve grown to hate. He’s much more like that boy you met in middle school.

Hopper clears his throat and you realise you’ve been staring too long, returning your attention back to your father.

“I could-” You start but he’s already got other plans.

“Billy.” He calls over, summoning the boy by his side. “I need you and Y/n to patrol. Nothing long, just a quick check around the lab to make sure nothing has gotten in before we head out.”

“Sounds like fun.” Billy shrugs, throwing a smirk your way and you almost roll your eyes.

Content with his decision, Hopper gave a smile that said ‘that should keep you occupied’ and headed back to Joyce, probably to boast about how well he handled the Steve situation.

“Shall we?” Billy gestures to the weapons and you let out a sigh.

“Why not.” You say, throwing a look over your shoulder to where Robin was stifling a laugh. You pull a face at her before reaching the table, grabbing a knife.

“Last I remember, you were a pretty great shot.” Billy suggested, eyeing the shotgun. You knew he was genuine in his suggestion, but the thought of holding one again sent a chill down your spine. The shotgun didn’t save you last time.

“Like Hopper said, it’s just a quick tour of the lab.” You dismiss, smiling. “We better get it over with so you can prepare.”

“Right.” He chuckles, slinging the shotgun strap onto his shoulder. “Let’s go.”

Steve watches in disdain as you leave with Billy, falling into easy conversation like the guy wasn’t a horrible human being. Part of him wanted to walk over and smack that smug look off his face but he was also fully aware of Hopper’s stare on him.

With a sigh, he re-immerses himself back into Dustin’s explanation on the notebooks he discovered in the control room upstairs.

“Most of it was pretty unintelligible. People need to learn how to write, or what’s the point?” He rambles, waving the book in the air. “I mean, the only words I could figure out were ‘green’ and numbers attached to experiments. Will’s much better at reading cursive than I am, so he’s getting information whenever he has time. Do you think they were doing other experiments here?”

“Are your radios gonna work?” Steve questions and Dustin looks in exasperation.

“You’re not even gonna attempt to be interested?” He complains and Steve pinches the bridge of his nose.

“We need to be focusing on this mission, not what some whack-job scientist scribbled in his diary.” He sighs. “So, radios. Are we sure they’ll even reach them?”

“Uh… duh. Or we wouldn’t be doing it.”

Steve resists the groan bubbling in his throat. “Well, it hasn’t been very useful so far.”

“What do you mean?” He looks up at him inquisitively, clutching his radio in his right hand.

Shifting uncomfortably, Steve lowers his head and purses his lips.

“Nothing, man, I’m just… I’m not convinced the radios work properly.”

“Why?” He pesters once more and Steve sighs.

“I tried reaching you.” He admits and the young boy’s eyes widen. “Like five times. And I know you’ve got that thing on you all the damn time. There’s gotta be a reason why it wasn’t reaching, or maybe you were just ignoring me.”

“I would never ignore you.” Dustin states matter-of-factly, shrugging. “And it wouldn’t have worked because I’ve been stuck in this bunker for hours on end, the frequency doesn’t reach this far down. I don’t think it’s built for stuff like that.”

“Oh.” Is all Steve can say.

“I would’ve answered if not.” Dustin assures and Steve slowly nods, swiping the bottle from the table beside him. “Plus, you should be thankful it never reached.”

“I should?” Steve raises an eyebrow, taking a sip of water.

“You would never have a girlfriend right now if I answered.”

Steve almost spat out his water, choking when the minimal requirement of swallowing said water went horribly awry.

“Knew it.” Dustin laughs.

“She’s not- we’re not-” Steve stumbles over his words, thankful everyone is too consumed in their own tasks to take notice. “Shut up, Henderson.”

The boy just laughs, content in his observation just as Nancy wanders over, picking up one of Dustin’s radios.

“Hey, this gonna work?” She asks and Dustin’s face drops.

“Why must everybody question me?” He grumbles, walking away without answering her question.

Nancy looks dumbfounded, turning to Steve. “Something I said?”

“I don’t know, that kid’s a ticking time bomb, anything could set him off.” He sighs, rubbing a hand down his face. “But, I wouldn’t worry about the radios. Henderson knows what he’s doing.”

She slowly nods, looking down at the object in question and Steve is unsure of what to say to her. They hadn’t talked since… well, not since they broke up. He wasn’t even sure if he was fully over her, or their relationship to be specific. It was the first time he really felt connected to someone. Until she started pulling away and leaving him to stare at himself for hours on end in that mirror of conscience.

“You guys are pretty close now, huh?” She queries, raising her head to meet his eyes and he clears his throat.

“Uh, yeah.” He nods, moving away from the wall and straightening up, wondering what to do with his hands. How did he used to stand? “He’s a little shit, but he’s pretty cool. Like having a little brother.”

“Right.” She chuckles under her breath. “But, um… that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you…” Steve began before it finally clicked and he tightens his lips, wincing. “Did everyone see us come in together?”

“I think most of them saw you follow her outside, actually.” She offers a smile and he starts to laugh awkwardly.

“It’s not- we’re… we’re just friends. I think. I actually don’t know if we’re even that right now. We’re not- that’s not…” He rambles, wiping his hands on his jeans. Was it always hot in here, why did he feel so hot? “Acquaintances.”

“Sure.” Nancy says knowingly, setting the radio back down. “I’m just… surprised. Last I knew, you hated her.”

Her smile drops when his face does, avoiding her eyes. She starts to shake her head.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no. You’re right, I… I did hate her.” Steve shrugs, “The more I think about it, though… the more I wonder if I ever had any reason to.”

“You mean other than freshman year?” She asks and his eyes shoot up. “I don’t remember anything else-”

“What about freshman year?” Steve interjects and her brows scrunch.

“You don’t remember?” Her eyes widen when he shakes his head, letting out a breath. “Wow. Sorry, I didn’t realise- it was the biggest gossip. I wasn’t even in high school yet but everyone in my class talked about it.”

“About what?”

“The date.” She says it was a historic event. “All I heard was you guys went to Lover’s Lake, she tried… well, she tried something, and then got all upset because you turned her down. I remember Carol saying that Y/n took it so bad she tried turning everyone on you, using it to get closer to guys?”

Steve wasn’t sure if his memory was truly terrible, or if he shouldn’t be believing any of it. He couldn’t recall ‘the date’, or Lover’s Lake. Not even the part where you apparently came onto him and he rejected you? That made no sense.

“That didn’t happen.” He frowns, mostly muttering to himself.

“I wasn’t there.” Nancy tightens her lips sympathetically, “And I know now that anything Carol says can be a complete lie. But it’s the only thing I can think of. You guys never fought in middle school.”

“Nancy!” Mike’s voice carries across the room and she looks over her shoulder.

“Look, I should…” She motions to her brother, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He dismisses with a forced smile. Nancy knows him better than that, but she also knows she’s on borrowed time to see Mike before she leaves, so she starts moving away from him. “Hey.”

She looks back expectantly.

“Good luck. Just in case I don’t get a chance to say it later.”

With a smile, she finally turns away and joins her brother and his friends, leaving Steve to stand with his thoughts, and wonder just how much of his life he had lost in those battles.

Everything was pretty quiet in the lab. There hadn’t been one ominous sound, not even an echo of a snarl. The only noise came from the soft thumps of footsteps between friends.

You wondered what Steve was doing now.

No, you tell yourself, stop it.

Whenever your thoughts drifted to Steve, they were automatically met with a wake up call from the sore curse on your ankle, feeding into the long list of reasons you couldn’t be closer to him. Your life had gotten spectacularly more complicated and, as a result, shorter than anticipated. You hoped you would at least feel when it was happening. Maybe then you’d have a chance to stop yourself before it was too late.

Billy lets out a yawn beside you, peering through a door that was slightly ajar before returning with no evidence of a monster in sight.

“So.” You look up to the boy beside you, welcoming a distraction. “Haven’t talked to you in a while.”

You can see his eyes retract from you, looking almost… sheepish. He must have been expecting this conversation.

“Yeah…” Billy coughs, rolling his shoulders. “Sorry about that. I was busy.”

“Hm.” You nod with a smile, tilting your head. “I can imagine how busy it must have been. How many missed calls was it? 7?”

“9.” He responds quickly before immediately clocking the trap you sent for him. “Shit.”

“Not too busy to see them, then?” You comment with a smirk. You weren’t upset about it.

Truthfully, you weren’t really close friends. More… friendly acquaintances. But he did just suddenly drop off the face of your earth and never explained himself. Avoiding you wherever possible, watching your calls ring through with no intention of picking up. You gave up after 9 days. That was enough to be satisfied you had tried your best.

“Okay, yeah, you got me.” He chuckles, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I don’t have a good reason for it, either.”

“It’s whatever.” You shrug when he raises an eyebrow. “Come on, we were just partners on a project, you didn’t stand me up at our wedding or anything.”

“Always figured you wanted something more.” He jokes with that smirk of his. You simply roll your eyes.

“In your dreams.”

“Every night, princess.”

“God.” You grimace, laughing. “You’re such a creep when you call me that. My dad’s the chief of police. And it definitely doesn’t suit me.”

“That’s what makes it so funny.”

“Whatever.” You roll your eyes and he chuckles to himself.

“How about I make it up to you later?” Billy nudges your shoulder and you laugh.

“Not necessary.”

“Nah, come on. We’ll go wherever you want.”

“If I recall, aren’t you about to go on a dangerous mission?” You try to keep it light-hearted and he shrugs.

“When I get back.”

“Okay,” You nod slowly, curious. “And where in Hawkins are we gonna go? Considering everything is a pile of rubble.”

“The chief said something about Illinois.” He recalls as he holds a door open for you, “How about I buy you a drink there?”

You laugh. “No specific place. Just Illinois.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re barely 19.”

“That’s not what it says on my ID.” He pretends to act shocked and you laugh, shaking your head. “So, what’d you say?”

“You get back from the Upside Down… and I’ll think about it.”

He clicks his tongue with a grin, shaking his head. “That’s fair. I deserve that.”

“Just focus on finding monsters.” You playfully push him away from you, ignoring that jolt of anxiety you feel when you notice a flickering lightbulb in a passing corridor.

“So, when we go for drinks.” Billy smirks, “Is Harrington gonna mind?”

You almost trip up. “Why would Steve care?”

“Look, I don’t wanna get in the middle of stuff.” Billy says and you’re slightly surprised. After all, he wasn’t known for his quiet and respectful nature at school. Your hesitancy must have shown on your face because he shrugs. “High school’s almost over, and I’m not looking for those assholes to be my ‘glory days’ or whatever. We all gotta grow up sometime.”

“And the thing that happened last year?” You suggest, “I don’t know what happened, but everyone seems pretty pissed with you.”

“It was a mistake.” His eyes darken, jaw tight and set as he looks ahead. “I was just sick of people ordering me around all the fucking time, you know?”

You go to answer when something starts echoing your way. It sounded like… scratches?

“The hell is that?” Billy frowns, shotgun slipping off his shoulder and into his hands. Your heart starts to race.

“Probably nothing.” You shake your head, and then the noise starts up again. Except this time, it’s a pounding of noises, harsh banging that had you stumbling back.

“Nothing is making a shit ton of noise right now.” Billy breathes out harshly, stepping in front of you.

He’s already moving toward the noise before you could offer any more dismissals and you have to follow, your knuckles paler from the tightened grip of the knife in your fist.

Your heart leaps into your throat, choking a gasp from your mouth when you reach a set of double doors, leading down the very hallway that you had discovered yesterday. The one that apparently wasn’t just in your nightmares.

“Billy.” You hold a hand out, stopping him from charging forward. “We should get back-up.”

“It’s fine, probably just another demodog.” He raises his shotgun, ignoring your protests.

Something suddenly snarls behind you and you both spin around, finding nothing under the furiously flickering lights. The banging noise starts again, in the same space you both stared at.

“Shit, it’s following us.” Billy curses, grabbing your arm and pulling you behind him. “That hallway leads to the other side of the lab. It’ll get us closer to the bunker.”

“Are you sure?” You glance over your shoulder, an unsettling feeling burying into your gut.

“Trust me, we’ve been using it for days now.”

His retreating footsteps weren’t giving you much choice as another snarl bites the air, forcing you to bump open one of the double doors and back yourself into the hallway.

And then the banging starts again. Except it’s behind you.

You both freeze, turning once again to the singular door at the end of the hallway, a snarl vibrating through the wood of it.

The door you had walked through swung itself closed with a loud bang.

Spinning around with no intention of being here any longer, you reach out and pull the handle towards you.

It didn’t budge.

You grab the other handle in your spare hand and pull harder, the doors rattling under your force, but never opening.

“Billy!” You yell, but he’s already pushing against the doors, eyes wide. “It’s locked! How is it locked?!”

“Shit!” He hisses, turning to ram his shoulder against it for extra strength, but he couldn’t keep it up forever.

And then the pounding against the door gets louder, more violent. He is using every bit of his strength to break through, but it’s not working.

“Shit, shit, shit!” He yells out, driving his boot down on the doors hard. It was just as successful as before.

The air is cut silent and you freeze, breathing heavy as you raise your head, meeting Billy’s eyes. He’s looking behind you, trying to figure out what was going on. But you knew. You’ve been here before.

“Billy.” You divert his attention with pleading eyes. “Go back to the bunker.”

“The fuck I will.” He protests, frowning.

Knowing you needed a solid reason, you put on your best front and nod at him. “Get back-up.”

His eyes keep darting between you and the door, a scowl masking whatever fear swam in his gaze.

“You don’t have any other choice.” You say and he lets out a frustrated sigh, nodding.

“Do not die.” Billy warns, jogging backwards before breaking out into a run, back through the winding hallways.

And you were left alone, slowly turning back to the door, waiting for your nightmare to begin again.

Steve was brooding. There wasn’t any other way to put it. Pouting, maybe. Like a child that had been left behind.

Right now, you were roaming the halls with Billy Hargrove, probably discussing that ‘moment’ you apparently had. He wondered if you would tell him about the bite, trust Billy like you trusted Steve. Part of him felt bitter about that thought.

He feels a shadow approach him and turns around from where he was standing at the window to the gate.

“Does something perplex thee?” Robin mocks with a posh British accent, earning a glare. She drops the act. “Damn, you do be perplexing.”

“No, I’m not.” He scrunches his face, glancing back at the portal to hell. “Wait, what does perplex mean?”

“The American education system has failed you, my friend.” She rests a hand on his shoulder, curving her head to meet his eyes. “There something you wanna tell me?”

“I mean, I did miss a lot of school.” He admits with a shrug and she whacks his arm. “Ow!”

“I meant about her, dingus!” She flails an arm out, her voice louder than anticipated.

“Shh! Jesus Christ.” His eyes are wide and Robin is resisting the grin ever-growing dimples on her face. “No. No, I’m not…”

She raises an eyebrow and he feels a blush creeping up his neck.

“Y/n and I are just friends.” He states sternly and she smirks.

“I never said I was talking about Y/n.” She points out and by this point, he’s beetroot red.

“Fine.” He whispers out. It was admit it or forever be haunted by it. “I… mightlikeher.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Robin prompts, holding a hand to her ear.

Steve grits his teeth. “I… might… likeher.”

“One more time.”

“Robin!”

“Okay, jeez.” Robin laughs, shaking her head. “You didn’t even need to say it out loud, you’re so obvious.”

“No, I’m not.”

“I’ve seen monkeys act more normal than you.”

“Yeah well, maybe monkeys can act normal because the monkeys they like actually like them back.”

Robin stares blankly. “You lost me.”

“I… I told her this morning. Kind of. Well…”

She raises a brow. “You either did or you didn’t.”

“There was a…” He waves his hand in the air, eyes squinting. “Moment.”

“And was this, uh… moment, inside or outside of your head?” Robin accuses and he slumps against the metal railing.

“Why am I even talking to you?” Steve mutters and Robin snorts.

“Because your only other friend is a child.” She laughs, quietening when she catches his glare. “Okay, okay, sorry. I’m just curious, that’s all. One minute you guys are literally yelling at eachother across a cafeteria and the next you’re sneaking off and sneaking glances and being all… mushy.”

“Horrible word choice.” Steve cringes.

“And Y/n won’t spill anything. In fact, she’s been distracted and kind of distant so naturally, I’ve come to the source.”

“She…” He isn’t sure how to finish his explanation. It wasn’t his place to tell her. If anyone should, it should be you. But he knew you would avoid the topic forever if you could. “I don’t know. Nothing’s happening between us, if that’s what you’re asking.”

She detects that tone of disappointment in his voice and her entire demeanour changes.

“It’s really hard liking someone when you don’t even know if you can be together.” She says quietly and Steve turns his head to her. She rests her hands against the railing, staring down at them. “Especially when it’s literally only one thing. And that thing is usually the most crucial part.”

Steve thinks about this for a moment, catching his reflection against the glass. The most crucial part to your relationship was, as it has been for the last four days, survival in its simplest form. But you might have this virus and Steve can’t change that. You might not survive.

“You just have to figure out if it’s worth trying anyway.” Robin smiles sadly at him. “Jump into the deep end. Sink or swim.”

Steve couldn’t decide. Was it better for him to lay it all out on the table, tell you how he really feels, give it a shot? Or is it going to be easier for him to just forget this ever happened? It was a horrible thing, to decide how you could live best after someone was sentenced to death.

“What do you think I should do?” He asks and she looks a little surprised, her mouth parting. And then she smiles.

“Well, it should really be your decision. But... if you really want my opinion...” She meets his eyes and tilts her head. “I happen to remember you’re a really good swimmer.”

Steve couldn't help but smile at that, standing beside a girl who might have the potential to be the friend he always needed.

A loud echo drums against the control room walls, snapping their heads to the sound. Steve frowns while Robin’s eyes widen.

“What was that?” She whispers out.

Steve’s arms begin to trail goosebumps along the skin as he pushes away from the window.

“I don’t know.” He replies truthfully, straining his ears for another clue.

“Maybe they’re on their way back and dropped something.” Robin suggests, and Steve wants to believe it’s true.

Until a hot blare of screeching sirens suddenly rings out above them, red lights spinning around the room in crimson shadows. They immediately clamp their hands over their ears, groaning at the ear-piercing sound.

Hopper finds his way out of the bunker, holding two shotguns and a hard stare. He had snapped into action as soon as he heard the distant warning bells.

“What happened?!” He shouts over the noise, but the duo shake their heads.

The door bursts open and a red-faced Billy stumbles in, panting as he tries to catch his breath.

Steve’s heart drops when he sees he’s alone, and Hopper immediately strides over to him.

“Where’s Y/n?!” He demands, and Billy stumbles over his words. “I can’t hear you!”

“She’s trapped and something’s in there with her!” Billy yells, and Steve’s blood runs cold.

Hopper immediately turns, chucking a shotgun toward Steve and the boy luckily manages to catch it.

“You two, with me!” He orders, turning to Robin. “Grab the others and figure out what’s going on with the sirens!”

She quickly nods and scrambles to get into the bunker as Steve and Hopper follow Billy out, wasting no time.

They didn’t know what to expect, and they didn’t care. Steve prayed they made it in time.

You stand there, pressed up against your locked exit as the door shudders from the impact behind, rattling the hinges with each force of a beating.

You weren’t going to wake up this time.

You scan the floor for what you remember seeing, Robin’s bracelet. It was different this time, like it hadn’t happened yet.

The door shatters into splinters and you almost stop breathing, a loud piercing sound of nails against the chalkboard.

Claws.

It was the first you saw in the darkness, and then a fog of breath.

Everything plunged into chaos.

The sirens start blaring and you wince against the sudden noise, clamping your hands over your ears. The lights were flickering out of control, leaving you dazed and disoriented. You struggled to keep your eyes on the door, knowing one moment of distraction would be your demise.

Something was breathing heavy, a dim silhouette growing until its head almost struggled to fit inside the doorframe. Then you saw it.

Green glowing eyes.

And it finally stepped forward, knocking the air out of your lungs as your eyes pricked with tears.

“Y/n?” A voice calls out, and for a mere second you thought you were free.

Until you realise that voice was echoing from the wrong direction.

The monster stops moving and you can just see a figure behind it at the end of the hallway, their soft features looking around with a frown. And then she sees it.

Robin finally sees the monster.

Her eyes widen in terror as the thing turns towards her, snarling, flexing its claws.

“NO!” You scream, and your best friend tries to run.

She doesn’t make it.

The monster hooks its claws into her back and she lets out a blood-curdling scream. You cry out, raising your knife and charging forward. One swift hand throws you back and you thump onto the floor, coughing for oxygen.

You try to scramble to your feet again, save her, kill it. But you’re too late.

Her screams suddenly stop and you watch as it rips into her, slicing through flesh like it was paper, your knife slipping from your grip as everything around you feels like it has stopped. You couldn’t even feel your own heartbeat anymore.

One motion from the creature’s claw and something is flung from the vicious actions, landing at your feet.

A glint of metal in a woven circle.

Her bracelet.

You let out a strangled cry, falling back to the ground. It stops, breathing heavily, and slowly turning back towards you.

It was similar to a demogorgon’s body, pale and unnatural. But much bigger. And this one had a face.

Two green eyes that stretched along each side, like they had been pulled back.

A long, gaping mouth, slots of sharp teeth slowly pushing through the gums.

Its arms were long and lanky, sharp claws scratching against the walls as it creeps closer to you, smearing red against the white. Robin’s blood. Robin’s blood.

Tears are streaming down your face as you try to scramble away, knowing there was no escape. It had murdered Robin- god - in cold blood right in front of you, and now it was going to kill you. Part of you didn’t have the fight left.

One terrifyingly high pitched roar escapes its mouth as it raises an ugly claw.

Your eyes squeeze shut, trying to imagine your family, Sara. Robin. Steve. You couldn’t let your last memory be that ugly face.

The sound of smashing glass had your eyes flying open in an instant, rattling sounds of a shotgun fire above you. You look with tear stained cheeks at the monster stumbling away from you into a run, startled by the attack.

Not before it sent another cold shiver down your spine with one look in its endless green eyes, clicking its tongue.

It had vanished down the hallway by the time Steve had managed to break through one of the doors. It was almost like it had opened by itself, never been locked. Nothing like how Billy had described it to be.

“Y/n?!” He yells, fear coating his entire body when he notices something further down the hallway. So much blood.

“Steve?”

Your small voice turns him to where you’re curled up in the corner, eyes wide and gleaming with the tears that hadn’t already fallen.

“Thank god.” He breathes in relief, meeting you on the floor and capturing you in a hug, wincing at the way you were shaking. “Are you okay? Did it hurt you?”

“No-“ A sob is caught in your throat and he pulls back, searching your eyes. “It… it got her. She’s-“

“Who?” Steve asks, his brows furrowed as bile rises in his throat.

Your eyes drift back down that hallway. He turns his head to see Hopper already walking over to the body, kneeling beside it. You suddenly scramble to your feet, startling him.

“Y/n-“

“It killed Robin.” You finally say and he starts to shake his head.

“No.” He frowns, placing himself in front of you. “Y/n, look at me. That’s impossible. I was just with her. She’s safe.”

“She came looking for me.” Your mind was distracted, a heavy weight pushing against your chest as you avoided his eyes, “I didn’t get there fast enough, I could’ve- it killed her right in front of me…”

Steve looks at Hopper in exasperation as the man raises his head, shaking it. Steve looks down at the body, actually taking time to take in what remained.

“Why didn’t I stop it…” You’re still whispering to yourself, searching the ground for the weapon you abandoned. “I have to kill it. I have to-“

“Wait, stop.” Steve’s hand flies out to grab your arm, but you yank it away.

“She’s dead, and it’s my fault.” You still mutter, swiping the knife from the floor again. This wasn’t normal, the reaction you were heaving. Where was the screaming, the crying? Your best friend is dead.

“No, look-“

You ignore him, gripping the knife and trying to charge forward, but Steve grabs both of your arms now and you start to struggle. “Get off me! I have to-“

“Hey! Hey, it’s not her! Look, it’s not her!” Steve yells at you and you stop to finally look at the body, breathing hard and frowning.

There was so much blood splattered around, gashes of flesh against the cold floor. But none of it belonged to Robin. Because it had never been Robin.

The same dark and bony figure you had seen take your form days ago was led there, its hands a dead giveaway. A shapeshifter.

“It's not…” You blink back tears, shoulders dropping in defeat, and you feel someone gently taking the knife out of your hand.

“Just another shapeshifter. Y/n, look at me…” Steve gently places a hand on your check, guiding your eyes to look at him. “She’s okay. Robin’s okay. You’re okay.”

A tear trickles down and he pulls you into a hug again. Except this time, you surrender to it completely and hold onto him like a lifeline, sobbing into his shoulder with all the tears that were physically causing you pain to hold back.

Steve can’t believe this happened again. He left you, again. Anytime you weren’t in his sights, the universe had to find some way to mock him.

“You’re okay.” He whispers, into your hair, his own eyes falling shut.

Alarms were still blaring out of control when you finally left those hallways, the repetitive noise drilling a headache into your mind.

When the door bursts open, Dustin gasps and Robin turns from where she had been hitting random buttons in an attempt to get the noise to stop.

“Oh, thank god, you’re-”

Her words were cut off when you almost flew at her, pulling her into an unexpected hug.

“You’re alive.” You whisper quietly and she frowns.

“Of course I am.” She shakes her head as you pull away, noticing the trails tears had left down your cheeks. “What happened?”

“A shapeshifter.” You sigh and her face drops.

“And… it looked like me?” She theorised, her lips tightening when you nod. Wordless, she pulls you in for another hug, squeezing her eyes shut.

“You found a way to get this thing to shut off?” Hopper asks, his raised voice sounding like a normal volume over the shrill sounds of sirens.

“I’ve looked everywhere, there’s no instructions or even a manual for this thing!” Dustin exasperates, flinging a bunch of notebooks everywhere. “All I got is this weird countdown!”

Hopper frowns, gently moving him aside to stare down at a screen implanted into the control room panels, staring at red numbers that were counting down from 7:00, assuming it had started much earlier before he arrived.

They had already lost 10 seconds before he finally turned back around, and you noticed the pale look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” You question, stepping forward.

“It's not safe here anymore. We need to leave.” He says, looking between the confused expressions in the room. “Now!”

“It's a lockdown.” Dustin whispers out in realisation, mouth dropping open.

“What does that mean?” He frowns, finding himself looking at where Billy was peering down at the ticking clock.

“It means if we don’t get out of here soon, we’ll all be dog food.” He grunts, quickly moving to where Hopper was flinging open the bunker door, already shouting for everyone to abort the mission.

“Shit.” Steve spits, making sure you were already descending the stairs before he grabbed Dustin’s arm. “Come on, go, go.”

Everything was chaos. Groups were scrambling to collect different items, hastily shoving them into backpacks. Hopper didn’t need to say much to get them motivated, just his horrified look and a mention of an explosion to have them scrambling around to pack as much as they could before the time was up.

You hadn’t come with much, just one of Steve’s old backpacks still filled with various supplies. So, you make sure the kids are moving as quickly as they could, taking on different tasks, afraid of what will happen if you’re not out of the building when that clock hits zero.

“We need to go, now!” Hopper shouts and everyone drops whatever was in their hands, knowing if it wasn’t packed, it wouldn’t be coming with them. “Kids, follow Joyce! Billy, Nancy, Jonathan, go ahead!”

The trio in question nod their heads, arming their weapons and running up the stairs, Joyce just behind them. Hopper directs Mike and Will to follow, his head darting around for the other four.

“Guys!” You yell at Lucas and Max, pointing. “Go, quick!”

“Where’s El?!” Max worries out loud and you’re spinning around.

“I saw her head up already!” Dustin shouts as he runs past. You and Hopper share a similar nod of relief and you slip your backpack on.

“Let’s go!” Hopper yells again and you grab Robin's arm, knowing Steve would be following.

The increase of volume was as if you had walked into a room filled with high-pitched shrieking, wincing as Robin clamps her hands over her ears. She’s running through the door, Dustin and Steve beside her when you sneak a glance at the clock.

4:54

You were gonna make it.

As you turn on your heel to begin running, your eyes catch the window, processing something that almost tripped you over. The gate wasn’t as red as it had once been.

Dust was pouring out, flooding the railings with a sea of black. You shivered, deciding to run and leave it. It would simply be a pile of rubble in a few minutes.

But the distant screaming struck your spine and you found a girl struggling against its pull, taking shape to wrap around her body and tug her back towards the gate. Your eyes drift to where the door below the railing you stood on was wide open, like someone had run out. Someone who spent more time with the gate than anyone else.

El.

Steve glances over his shoulder and skids to a stop, steadying the shotgun that threatened to slip from his shoulder. The others kept charging ahead and he barely waited for you to appear before he began running back the way he came, one hand on the doorframe when he reached the control room.

“Y/n-”

You weren’t there. Shit. Why weren’t you there?

“Steve! Where are you guys?! Over!” Dustin’s voice blared through the radio strapped to his hip and his hand hovered over it, debating.

He couldn’t leave you behind again.

The first time he let you go, you were bitten by a demodog which could now be the very reason you wouldn’t survive. The second had you kidnapped and traumatised, a distant look in your eye that made him worry a hell of a lot more than he should be. The third you just disappeared, battling some unbeatable creature he had thought killed you. And now, a fourth time, that ungodly creature with glowing green eyes..

He wouldn’t let that happen a fifth.

“Henderson, listen to me. Get out of the building. Make sure everyone is out, don’t let anyone turn back.” He says into the radio, a hit of silence before Dustin’s voice comes blaring through again.

“And you’ll be out soon, right?”

Steve lowers his head, looking over at the countdown.

4:32.

“Yeah, we’ll be out soon.” He says, but his heart wasn’t in it, no vindication of truth in his words.

He straps the radio back on his hip, knowing if he talks too much he might feel the guilt of leaving Dustin. He could get you out in 2 minutes. Right? He checks his watch, making a mental note of the time. He wanted to track how long it took to find you. It was 9:28am right now.

If he could find you. Steve’s eyes scan the window of the gate, squinting at a blurry black shape. He’s been wondering if he needs glasses for a while now.

And then he sees you, leaning over the railing, screaming. His eyes dart to where he can just see El being dragged through the gate, heart leaping into his throat.

He didn’t expect you to push away and start running further down, closer to the entrance, further from him.

“Y/n!” He shouts out as he almost flies down the steps and out the door before his conscience could convince him otherwise.

He keeps shouting your name, and you keep ignoring it, trailing further and further down, your footsteps harsh against the metal staircase.

You didn’t have a weapon, no chance for survival. But you couldn’t leave her. You couldn’t watch her die. Not another sister. Not your sister. Not again.

It was stupid, reckless, suicidal what you were doing. No doubt as to why your friends were screaming for you to stop. But was it really a risk when you’re already so close to death?

It wasn’t just the bite, it was the veins, a black substance stretching around the wound. It was already too late for you, just like the other townsfolk plagued by the creatures ripping you all apart. You could have just sat and cried about it, helplessly ranted to your friends, to Hopper. To Steve. But what good would that do?

You hated yourself, but even that small miniscule part of you that still had faith was powering you to do something right for once.

To run into the wonderland of your nightmares alone.

Because who would ever follow you down the rabbit hole?

The difference between metal and rocky ground almost threw you off, ignoring that hiss of pain in your ankle. It was loud down here for a different reason, a thrumming of sound emitting from the gate in front of you. It was huge, taking up entirely too much space. And the dust was retreating through it, your sister already vanished.

How long has it been since the countdown? Probably too long for you to turn back, find another way. There were other gates, but this one was right here. El needed you.

Charging forward, you reach your hands out and pull apart the seams of the gate, pushing through what felt like some sort of unpleasant membrane. You tried not to think too much of it, driving yourself forward with what little will you had left.

The air felt thicker, white specks floating aimlessly around you as you drag yourself through the gate, wondering if it ever ended. Your foot catches on something and you fall forward, letting out a groan when you barely manage to bring your hands out in front of you in time.

You take in a breath, reaching out for the walls of the gate. Your eyes slowly open.

Everything was so dark in here. The sky, the ground, even the flashes of red lightning through the dark clouds. You push yourself to your feet, frowning as you take in your surroundings. If this version of Hawkins was meant to reflect your own, why were you outside?

“El?” You call out, frowning. You didn’t see any dust.

Something spits behind you and you spin around in a stumble, face dropping. The gate was towering over you once again, plastered to a wall of vines the same size as the lab you were just in. You look at your feet, gasping.

This was a flipped version of Hawkins. Except, somehow, you were standing in the ruins of a lab that once was. Like something destroyed it.

“El?!” You yell out, searching the dim blue for a girl, or at least a sign. You turn back around, feeling helpless.

The gate starts physically breathing, beaming a brighter red and casting your shadow behind you. You slowly back away. The humming of it grew louder, the vines it lay on slithering around it in unchoreographed patterns.

Something breaks through and you search the ground for a weapon, panicking. When it almost reaches you, you grab a rock and get ready to swing.

“Hey, woah, hey! Stop!” Steve yells out and you drop it, eyes widening, “Jesus, you could kill somebody with that!”

You blink, slowly shaking your head. “No, no, no, no, no…”

He frowns at you, quickly looking down at his watch. It just turned 9:30am, “Fuck, okay, we have just over two minutes to get the hell out before god knows what happens.”

“You’re not meant to be here.” You say, still shaking your head. “Steve! Why the hell did you follow me?!”

“Like I was gonna leave you?!” He gawks, gesturing to the gate. “What else was I meant to do?!”

“Get the hell out of the lab!” You exasperate. He shouldn’t have come with you. This was a death trap, he had to know it.

“We still have time-”

“I need to find El, you should leave before you run out of time.” You point to the gate but he’s much more stubborn than you think.

“I’m not leaving unless you’re coming with me.” He says sternly and you could almost scream.

“Steve, you’re literally wasting one of those minutes arguing with me, we can’t-”

“It’s fine, it’s still two…” Steve frowns, glaring at his watch. The hand hadn’t budged from the six. He looks a little closer, holding it to his ear. It wasn’t ticking. “What the…”

“What?”

“My watch stopped working.” He says and you scrunch your face. “No, I only just replaced the batteries, Dustin borrowed it and fixed it while we were gone, I…”

You stare at him. “So you don’t know how much time is left?”

He shakes his head vigorously. “I-“

A loud rumble shakes the floor and you automatically reach out to Steve, his hands grabbing your waist as you try to balance.

“What the hell was that?” You breathe out, and you both turn to the gate, something behind it growing brighter and brighter. “Steve…”

He squints against it. It looked like something was getting closer. Then, as he stares down at his suspiciously broken watch, his stomach drops. You were out of time.

“Run.” He breathes helplessly, not bothering to wait for your response before grabbing your hand and pulling you with him.

Steve desperately searches the area for some shelter, any kind of cover. He was standing in what looked like debris, a giant piece of… the lab? Whatever it was, it looked sturdy enough for him to pull you behind it.

He ducked his head down just as a giant blast of fire spat out of the gate, feeling the heat of it in the air as he held you tight. The shock left a ringing in his ear, his only reminder that he was still alive being the way you grasped his hand tight.

You move first, peering out over the slab of concrete and hissing when your hand accidentally makes contact with the burning stone. Everything around you was either burnt or burning, small flames dancing along the ground and chasing after screeching vines.

The lab had exploded, you realise, shoulders dropping. It was gone. And it took the gate with it, only a large crack against the surface left in its demise.

You turn to see Steve already standing beside you, taking in the scene just as you had, his hard stare softening into defeat. There was no going back.

“What now?” You whisper, afraid if you say it any louder the realisation of what you had done would come crashing down, taking away that last remaining piece of sanity with its tide.

“I…” Steve frowns, slowly meeting your eyes. He didn’t have a plan this time, no positives to share. You were both stuck in an alternate dimension, your exit blown to smithereens. “I don’t know.”

Four days ago, you had both survived the beginning of the apocalypse despite mutual hatred in every bone. It was purely a strategic pairing, unbeknownst to how much you’d learn.

Four days later, and there was a new beginning lurking in the air, staring at one another and holding hands like it was the only salvation.

This is it, Steve thinks, his eyes searching your own worried glaze of hue, sink or swim.

Chapter Thirteen: Three Weeks Later ->

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max-nico · 3 months

Text

Shadow's development Headcanons

Started off looking like more of some .. creature than a hedgehog

Like way too many or not enough limbs, especially because of the Black Doom DNA

I'm imagining him having one eye and being more of a scaly texture but still oddly goopy lol as well as not having hands or fingers and instead having some tentacle type things

Between getting experimented on and his normal growth he eventually grew to look like a normal mobian hedgehog with some key differences

The differences being, the whites of his eyes having a light green tint, too many teeth, every joint is double jointed, quills that are unable to fold down/look relaxed, sharp claws, etc, etc

I also think it'd be fun if one of his feet had one or two extra toes :3

I think at some point during his development he looked like Stitches alien form (from Lilo and stitch)

Whether he can still regrow the limbs now, Gerald manually rewrote his DNA, or one day he just lost the ability to use them is up to you bc idk

Maria watched Shadow grow up essentially from a weird amoeba looking splotch to a semi grown Hedgehog

I headcanon that Shadow's body didn't look like it does now when he originally went into stasis, and he grew while in containment

Hedgehogs aren't supposed to lose quills unless they're under high stress. I think Shadow sheds a lot by nature, and he frequently has to brush his quills to make room for the new ones growing

Teaching Shadow to talk was a rough process. Mostly because he didn't always.. have a mouth.. or hands... so Maria and Gerald had to be on top of figuring out new ways to communicate, just in case

Perfecting his design was painful, Shadow could gain or lose random parts of his body, organs could be grown wrong and bones had to be corrected and moved over and over again, just for the sake of a "perfect" life form

They'd put Shadow back in the Green Tube when they knew a long process was going to be painful, but sometimes he would need to be awake so they could watch his development, but I would hope at least Maria would fight for these processes to be as few and far between as possible

The first words Shadow said were "Maria", "sister", and "pick up"

It took years before Gerald was finally happy with Shadow's look, and even after that he was still being experimented on to track the progression of his steadily growing powers

Things like his enhanced memory, speed, agility, strength, etc

I think Shadow was given his inhibitor rings for ease of retrieval and containment, and it was an easy way to keep track of his powers while not letting him over use them

This is not to say there was nothing redeemable about his childhood. He technically still has good memories to look back on, after all he still had Maria

Anyways uhm yeah, I'm going to post this without proofreading it hopefully that doesn't backfire :D

Feel free to add your headcanons or whatever !!!!

I'm a Tails centric blog, but please hop into my ask box or DMs, I love meeting new people :33

#sth #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #i have the mic #sonic headcanons #sth headcanons #sth hcs #headcanons #shadow headcanons #shadow and maria #shadow the ultimate lifeform #shadow #maria robotnik #these are the times i wish i could draw well enough to show you my inner thoughts lol #i want to write a fanfic about Shadow and Maria #but with the way my motivation has been........ don't count on it lol

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lryghe · 9 months

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MXTX thoughts; themes

Okay so this was supposed to be a post about themes AND conventions common throughout MXTX’s writing, but I literally wrote too much for one post so I’ve split it in half. This is the half that addresses two of the most prevalent themes splayed across MXTX’s novels. Yes, this post will contain spoilers for all of MXTX’s works (though probably minor ones in terms of plot points). Expect the second half in the next week as I’m kind of busy over the next couple days!

REDEMPTION

In SVSSS, Shen Qingqiu has this genius moment where he realises that he’s now an active part of ‘PIDW’, that the people around him are actually affected by what he does. This comes in relation to (unsurprisingly) Luo Binghe, and the guilt he feels for having been so caring towards him before hurting him so soundly. And this realisation takes 70 chapters but when he does realise this, he actively starts making himself better, so that he’s ‘worthy’ of staying by Luo Binghe’s side, even after all the anguish he caused him. He’s attempting to redeem himself even from the very beginning though, because when he had transmigrated, his very first thought was to change the hand fate had dealt him, wanting to survive past his probable miserable ending in a pickle pot at the protagonists' hands. This wasn’t driven by guilt but over time the guilt complex gradually appears in the picture.

MDZS is focused mostly on Wei Wuxian’s guilt complex and him working to forgive himself and move past his time as the Yiling Patriarch. Lan Wangji is a key factor in this, his presence being something that Wei Wuxian clings to when he comes back to life after the burial mounds siege. And it’s something so important to MDZS as a whole because it’s so lovely that although Wei Wuxian himself admits he had done horrible things, Lan Wangji is there to help him through it, and he eventually comes to forgive himself for his actions (even if the rest of the world probably hasn’t). I’ve already talked about this before on 4 separate occasions, so if you want more insight just find a post about MDZS thoughts on my page :)

And finally, there's TGCF. The key characterisation point that Xie Lian has is the guilt he carries over the situation of Xianle and the death of just about everyone and their mum, but over the course of 800 years he eventually moves past it? He even feels guilt over how Qi Rong turned out, something that’s so stupid in the scheme of things, but he’s such an empathetic and intuitive character that he’ll stew in guilt over it anyway. I don’t think this theme is as important to TGCF because Xie Lian is also very mature (one would hope so after over 800 years of living) character, and he states (in one of my favourite quotes of all time) “rather than remembering how I was butchered and trampled hundreds of years ago, I’d prefer to remember that I ate a delicious meat bun yesterday”. And this gives important insight, because he feels the guilt but he moves past it, and Hua Cheng is central to this, helping Xie Lian realise he’s worthy of love, after 800 years of suffering.

LOYALTY

This is a rather obvious theme and I plan to actually write an analysis about loyalty in MDZS specifically, but I think we can categorise it and explore it in two different categories.

Firstly we have romantic loyalty, something that is prevalent throughout all her works considering that they are all romances. Each love interest remains steadfastly loyal to their main character, even through the rise and fall of dynasties, through death and through years of steadfast mourning. It’s so important that these characters remain loyal, because even though Lan Wangji mourns, and Luo Binghe has every chance to sleep with his future 3000 wives, and Hua Cheng could have destroyed his ashes when he lost track of Xie Lian 800 years previous, none of that occurs. They continue holding on to that loyalty and it fuels many of their motivations. You can also point out the loyalty that the main characters have for their love interests. Shen Yuan sits through 1000+ chapters of some horribly written stallion novel because he has some ridiculous crush on the protagonist of said story. Wei Wuxian has a similar type of obsession with Lan Wangji, every second thought something along the lines of ‘Lan Zhan would love this!’. And Xie Lian waits quietly at Puqi shrine for Hua Cheng, no matter how long it took for Hua Cheng to come back to him… “Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other's embrace.”

Another type of loyalty that could be explored is familial loyalty. Yi Ziyuan, Jiang Yanli, and Jin Zixuan end up dying to protect their home, dying to save their brother, and dying trying to make their wife (and by extension, son) happy. Wen Qing and Wen Ning die to protect Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian sacrifices his core for his brother. Qi Rong spends time hanging out in his aunt and uncle's tomb for some weird reason. The various peak lords of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect spend years fighting for Shen Qingqiu’s body. Xie Lian cooks horrendous food, because his mother cooked the same way and even if its not on purpose, he holds true to her memory. This loyalty is the backbone of character backstories, whereas romantic loyalty is more of a plot device, but both are equally significant.

There’s another version of loyalty that I want to talk about, but I think I’ll save it for my eventual post on analysing loyalty in MDZS.

I may post the second half of this post in a few days (I haven’t finished writing it (I haven’t started writing it)). Until then, goodbye.

Words: 997

Reading time: 4 mins

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myths-tournaments · 7 months

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Awful Characters Round 1 Part 2 (3/8)

Propaganda under the cut!

BEN LINUS

One of my fave characters of all time! Also a prolific liar. Almost every single thing this man says is a lie. He lies, manipulates, murders, and feels very little remorse, all in the name of “protecting” the magical Island where he and his people live. Ben is fueled almost exclusively by bitterness, stemming from an entire childhood’s worth of abuse from his alcoholic father, who blamed Ben for his mother’s death in childbirth (Ben did eventually kill his father, along with the whole community he grew up in). Additionally, Ben is desperate to have some great destiny or higher purpose, and his bitterness toward the fact that he’s just an “ordinary” man and jealousy toward the man who DOES have a higher purpose drives Ben to commit various acts of cruelty and murder. Ben does act as a villain for most of the story (save for the last season, in which he’s more of an anti-villain and eventually an anti-hero), but he has two redeeming qualities: his love for the Island and his love for his adopted daughter, Alex. The latter is complicated by the fact that he kidnapped Alex as a baby from her biological mother, a woman stranded alone on the Island. However, when forced to choose between protecting the Island and saving Alex’s life, Ben ultimately chooses the island and deeply regrets this decision for the rest of his life. He’s eventually forced to reckon with his many, many mistakes and undergoes something of a redemption arc, but he spends enough of the show establishing himself as a villain that I can easily see the good denizens of Twitter attacking his fans.

IANTHE TRIDENTARIUS

Her number one hobby is ruining every person's that she knows life. Her second hobby is being soooo slutty about it despite looking like a literal wet rat. Her third hobby is having an extremely unhealthy relationship with her twin. Her other hobbies include cannibalism, wearing a maid outfit, being extremely convinced she is the main character, the badboy sexy love interest and the villain. 'Why', you may ask. Well, the answer is, for shits and giggles #justgirlythings i, aswell as literally everybody else in the fandom have gone through the pipeline from hating her to desperately wanting to fuck her. expect for i still fucking hope she dies and doesn't come back for good. (that would literally solve all of everybody's problems) as god intended (EXPECT FOR. one of her hobbies literally is gaslighting god) She is fucking horrible i will love her until i die and even after that

parks and recs jean ralphio voice she's the woooorst!! The moment she learns she has to kill someone to become a Lyctor (aka a more special necromancer), she doesn't hesitate to kill and cannibalize the guy who has been her cavalier since childhood… cavalier who she also totally bullied as kids, she was allowed to choose one guest for her and her twin sister's birthday party each year, and she would always pick whoever she thought her cavalier didn't want to see there! While other characters are shown to regret the process of becoming a Lyctor (which involves someone close to them dying)/were forced into it because of circumstances, Ianthe has absolutely no regrets, she believes she did what she had to do

The author once said of Ianthe: "I don't think she's been nice to anyone, if she has I'll go back and change it." She killed and ate the soul of someone she has known all her life so that she could become a necromantic saint and tormented him plenty before that. General negging, ganging up against him, always inviting people he didn't like to their birthday parties. She doesn't regret killing him. I think she is repulsed by the idea that his digested soul is affecting hers. She helped her crush lobotomise herself so she would be in Ianthe's debt, and later lied and said she didn't see the corpse of a woman her crush killed under her bed (why did she do that? I do not know). She has a bone arm because her original arm was cut off, she hated the replacement so her crush cut THAT off and grew her a new one out of just bones. She had it gilded and only after that did she decide to help her crush deal with the person who had been repeatedly trying to kill her. She wants so badly to be the main character but people keep interrupting her villain monologues.

she has her own content warning tag pollrunner's note: this is the most compelling propaganda I've ever seen for a character, thank you for submitting

She's such a bitch to everyone all the time, she causes nothing but problems, she tries to do a villain speech but fumbles it because her tummy hurt, she is the awfulgirl of all time

#awful characters tournament #tournament poll #awful characters round 1 #lost #benjamin linus #the locked tomb #tlt #ianthe tridentarius

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goldenhylia · 3 months

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Despite everything he said in Future Redeemed, when it came down to it N was completely unwilling to kill his family (At least after the death of Ghondor).

During the fight at Raguel Lake, N tells Alpha that he has no qualms killing him despite the fact that he is currently possessing Na’el but N doesn’t kill her. Even when the Ontos core was damaged, N didn’t attack to finish them both off while he had the chance.

On Prison Island, he insinuates that he hasn’t killed Matthew because he is the only thing tying Na’el to the current world, but even after Alpha is defeated, even when he knows Matthew is roaming the earth setting soldiers free and killing other Moebius he doesn’t kill him or even try to stop him.

And I think most telling of all, when he interrupts the final battle he severs the tether between Na’el and Alpha. He had absolutely zero incentive to do that, it was a surprise attack, he could have killed Alpha then and there. But he chose to spare Na’el. Because N isn’t “divorced” from his feelings about his family. Matthew and Na’el are still part of Ghondor, still part of Mio, still part of him and represent that hope for the future he thought had died with the original Mio. The hope that was eventually reborn as Noah.

#I feel like I’m going insane #this is probably so ramble-y and idk if I got my point across but #oh my god thinking of the ‘Vandham’ family causes me pain #also I don’t even think N killed Ghondor (even accidentally)!!#watch the scene again. Ghondor grabbed the sword with his hands #any way I’m normal now #Xeno tag #Xenoblade Chronicles 3 #N #Na’el #Matthew #Future Redeemed #Future Redeemed spoilers #XC3 spoilers #Xenoblade #XC3

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randomnameless · 3 months

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Reverse uno card : Jugdral edition

2014 : "yay, i can't wait for a Judgral remake, with updated graphics!!!"

2024 : "gods please no remake"

What happened in ten years to make me dread the remake I would have sold my soul for back in the days?

Well... IS's policies and new writing, mainly.

While I was joking about "Genealogy of the Holy Self Insert" in 2015, I still had faith in eventual Jugdral remakes. Sure, we were in the big Fateswakening era where the only things I could frown at IS were the "writings" worshipping self inserts (Ryoma being jealous of Corn's talents, when Corn was like, 5?) - but I still had hope for a more "serious" FE, and I first I was very delighted by FE15 - no self insert, a more "serious" setting, no hyperbolic time chambers to try to explain in watsonian words why second gens exist, etc...

But there was still something ringing dead wrong with FE15, which I only noticed thanks to FE16 and its years of discourse - at one point, IS's writing went in a certain direction that makes it impossible, imo, for us to have a "correct" Jugdral remake, as long as IS still follows this direction.

I'm not talking about uwufest - even if it is part of the larger problem - but back in FE15, I remember being really pissed at the schizophrenia of the plot : saying one thing and the inverse at the same time.

The narration reminds us of the classic Kaga lesson : whatever madness exists in dragon/gods, a greater madness/evil lurks in the heart of men.

And yet, we have the Hero (who was so cajoled by the plot that, at times, you have to wonder if Alm wasn't the devs's self insert, he's lavished with praises almost as extensively as Ike was!) saying nonsense - without being contradicted by characters at all (or when Celica does it, she admits later she's wrong) - like Duma being responsible, mainly, for the events that transpired in Valentia and, novelty that wouldn't have been in the original game since the character was made for the remake, Berkut's fall and madness.

By that point in the game, the player saw that Berkut hunts low class people for what he sees and perceives as sport, is the textbook classicist asshat noble, but has a lot of pression on his shoulders due to his role of being the heir of the Empire, pression that isn't alleviated at all by his Uncle who mocks him and refuses to give him a third chance... to fight against a person said uncle very well knows cannot be defeated by Berkut himself, especially as said Uncle pretended to "care" for him, only to pit him against his trueborn son whom he names his heir just before dying.

Point is : Berkut feels betrayed by Rudy and goes mad - because of this betrayal : Rudolph named him heir when he fully knew Alm was alive and was the true heir he always wanted, in Berkut's eyes, no matter what he did, it wouldn't have mattered to Rudolph since Rudolph planned on giving Alm his throne since day 1 - of course, without telling him a thing and making him believe he would one day become Emperor.

Is it Duma's fault that Berkut went off the deep-end in Part 4? Because Rudolph's shit gambit involved playing with the life of his nephew and crush it in a bid to have Alm unify the continent against Duma ? Or... it's just Rudolph being an asshole, not curbing the worst of his nephew tendencies (and in a larger part, of Rigel in general) ?

Now, Rinea. She too, is called one of Duma's victims, and yet, who pushed her in Duma's magic pyre that turns women in witches? Duma himself?

No.

Berkut, who already, when pissed tells her "silence woman" pushes his fiancée and love of his life in a pyre to sacrifice her, because in his grief and rage (caused by Rudy!!!) Rinea is only a pawn to be sacrificed to gain more power to kill Alm. Sure sure, Berkut is redeemed in death and Rinea - in a classic Kaga style writing that wasn't here made by Kaga since this plot is basically new so where the fuck does this sexism come from - forgives him and they both die and ascend to another plane of existence.

The point is, despite what Alm says, Berkut and Rinea's fates weren't caused by Duma's degeneration - but by Rudolph and Berkut's own actions.

Heck, I remember when I was sort of live-blogging my run back then, Desaix's greed and lust for power wasn't fueled by Mila's apathy : it wasn't Mila who burnt Celica's house and tried to cook Conrad, it was Desaix, and why Desaix did it? Because he wanted to become king. That's it, and that's all.

So why FE15 - while giving the Kaga message - still tries its hardest to pin the blame of everything "wrong that happened" on... dragon gods, refusing to acknowledge the own responsibilities of humans in their suffering?

I think we had that lunar dialogue at the end of FE15 (or in part 4?) where Clive (i think?) tells Alm without gods giving their blessings, people in Valentia will starve, and Alm saying that may be so, but ultimately Valentia will survive and work hard through those upcoming harsh times to demonstrate how humans, when they work together, can achieve things without needing to rely on Gods - basically, King Alm tells his people to starve now because Humanity will come out stronger afterwards, since they will have learnt to grow their own food without needing magic dragon blessings to make the ground fertile.

... yeah. That's definitely going to work.

FE15 took the Kaga lesson to try to hammer some "humanity fuck yeah!" Square JRPG message and it completely messed up what FE2 tried to say.

(I confess, retconning Duma'n'Mila in dragon gods like Naga from Archanea was a big part in this shitstorm - that was also retconned to explain Grima from FE13! - i mean Duma'n'Mila have to die because they're degenerating, but they didn't get the memo from Gotoh living overseas that degeneration can be stopped by using dragonstones, instead of being a fatality that must be dealt with death...)

Humans cannot be held responsible for what they did, everything BaD that happened is somehow due to the influence of dragon-gods : even if it means "suffering" and sacrificing a part of your population, this choice is a good one to get rid of the obviously nefarious influence of dragon-gods.

So, is it so surprising that FE16 - the most popular title in the franchise uwu - went in the same direction?

Even if it tried to mitigate the "gods BaD" spiel because the avatar - Billy - is the Goddess reborn, the thing is the CoS - aka the dragon - is blamed for humanity's mistakes through each route (AM dodges the question completely) and all routes end up with the dragon going away (her skull being cracked open, or she retires, or she dies off-screen, or she dies because the plot commands so unless you want, as the player, to shag her).

"But in VW, Claude reconsiders his initial stance!"

And yet, it is only off-screen that he seemingly becomes aware that Fodlan people are not superpals with Almyra because Almyra raids them, not because Rhea told them Almyrans are BaD, that's why he tries to negotiate - off-screen and post-game - some sort of ceasefire between the two parties, or at least make it so Almyra doesn't try to raid Fodlan every Thursday for their weekly dick measuring contest.

No matter the ending, Rhea retires and in the worst support, muses on her failings for "having turned a blind eye" to Fodlan and its people in her quest to resurrect Sothis : aka, Rhea (and the game, since Billy doesn't tell her anything) believes Fodlan's state is due to her inaction and not, you know, the action of the humans who lived in the continent and ruined it of their own volition.

Which is also what fuels the endless discourse about what kind of power she has - or not : Rhea BaD for using her power, but also BaD for not using it and letting humans to their own devices.

Supreme Leader's memetastic line from the trailers ring even more true : in Fodlan, Crusts are to blame for everything. For Adrestian being attracted to young women because otherwise without crests they surely wouldn't seek to bed a 12 years old Doro, for Miklan trying to murder his younger brother (and not because, at least FE16 wise, Miklan is a terrible person who is very jealous and not afraid to kill even a child to get what he feels like he deserves), and for people basically killing their wives/letting their daughters die to get a "suitable" heir.

Humanity/Humans can get a pass for doing horrible things (Berkut burning his fiancée alive) because those horrible things can sort of be linked to "dragon-gods", and so, the blame exclusively lays at their feet.

I am always reminded of that Obi-Wan reply to Anakin when Ani accuses him of having turned Padmé "against" him, Obi-Wan basically tells him he brought this upon himself.

Now, what would Obi-Wan tell a non-recruited Doro who blames the Goddess for the War, the leader she is actually protecting, started?

Billy is no Obi-Wan, so we are left in this limbo where characters are telling you everything wrong that happens in Fodlan is due to "dragon blood" aka their existence and presence, even dragons who blame themselves for "being blind" - but not once do we have the Kaga message, or an Obi-Wan reminding people that they have to take responsability for their own actions : Hanneman will blame crests (dragons) for having killed his sister, but not the man who forced her (marital abuse?) to bear him many heirs until one was "good enough" for him.

Claude blames dragons for creating, both literal and metaphorical walls between Fodlan and Almyra - and it's only in his best ending, after the game credits and off-screen that he seems to realise that those walls were built by Almyrans raiders.

"enough about the fodlan rant, what about jugdral?"

Jugdral was sort of unique for not having a giant eldritch abomination as a boss, unlike the later FE8, we never fight Loptyr in his "original" form, Loptyr is fought through his host, Julius.

And I love Jugdral because unlike Fodlan, the local evil death cult might stage a few skirmishes and manipulations here and there, but Jugdral people are... asses, in general.

Elliot will mount an army to seduce Raquie while Eldie is away - and it's not because Manfroy told him to seduce her, no, Elliot does it from his own will.

Reptor'n'Langobalt'n'Andrei rebel against Kurth and Azmur? Sure, Arvis is pulling some of their strings, but Reptor'n'Langobalt are ambitious, even without Manfroy whispering anything.

Arvis pulls out his gambit... with Manfroy's help (and blackmail?), but also because he genuinely thinks he can sacrifice lives to make HIS world a reality because HE has great ideas about how the world should be and will torch anyone who opposes him.

F!Lewyn, as much as I dislike the character, reminds the cast that while Travant's actions might seem justified to him and to the Thracian people, he is still a man who assaulted a bunch of randoms + non-combattants in a desert, amushed them and slaughtered them : no matter his reasons and how justified he was, Travant is still a criminal to Jugdral people.

In Jugdral, people do things and have to take responsability for it - Oldvis basically dies after losing everything he had - by Seliph's hand (and with his own participation!!) because Oldvis has to take responsability for what he did in Barhara. Ditto for Travant, who accepts to die if it means the peninsula will be united (tfw his son doesn't understand what he meant !).

Dragon blood and Dragon people are never blamed for the shitty state Jugdral is in in the 1st or even 2nd gen, if Danan turned Isaach in giant brothel, it's not Julius-Loptyr who asked him to do so, nor Manfroy.

At least, that was the case for the pre FE15/FEH/FE16 Jugdral.

Now...

While I want to blame FE16 for this shift, I know the roots are more ancient (FE15?), IS's writing seems to favour a certain narrative, aka people having sad and or complicated fates because of their brands and Holy Blood - when the ONLY case of having a fate tied to Holy Blood was the Curse of the Gae Bolg, aka a sibling quarrel between Dain and Noba that will eventually "curse" Noba descendants, but through the events of the game we know that curse is more like a prophecy : Quan doesn't die because he had Noba Holy Blood, Quan dies because Travant kills him in Yied. Why Travant kills him? FE5 reveals Quan and his forefathers are basically letting Thracians starve and refuse to "give" them arable lands, or even export food.

Now, did Travant kill Quan because Quan had major Noba Holy Blood, or because Quan (and his forefather)'s policies made Thracians so desperate that their king feels like he has to resort to murder to "save" his people?

The issue is more complicated than "he has Noba HB so I had to kill him".

Come FEH and we had, in 2018 (before FE16 but after FE15) this :

My blood has granted me gifts, it's true. I have expended every effort to be worthy of those gifts. That same blood makes it impossible for me to live a peaceful life. That's a lesson I learned from my mother...

Now, even if I was dissecting and hc'ing and posting about Saias a lot for 5 years, I fully understand Saias is a character with maybe 20 lines in FE5, so you can only dissect the script and theorise and read between invisible lines to get something about the character.

But this?

It might be a reference to Cowen's last words who basically tells him his job is to "pass on" his Fjalar HB, and how having major Fjalar HB was the reason why Manfroy tried to kill him when he was younger (his mother Aida died to protect him).

And yet, FEH here seems to imply Aida died because Saias had Fjalar HB, and not, y'know, died because Manfroy wanted to kill him due to this HB.

It wasn't HB who killed Aida, but Manfroy!

FE5 never reveals why - but if Fjalar HB was the reason why Manfroy targeted Saias, then why the fuck wasn't Oldvis iced earlier, since he has the same brand and blood?

In a way, Saias blaming HB here as the "reason" why his mother died and why he cannot live a "peaceful life" is similar to a Leif who would blame Quan'n'Ethlyn for being the reason why Travant and the Empire were after his life : what is to blame, their "blood" that makes people want to kill them, or the fuckers who want to kill them?

Granted those lines from FEH completely miss the point of Saias as a character - FE5!wise Saias is in a class that cannot use fire magic, when his HB automatically gives him the highest rank in fire magic, and he is funnily enough the only character who "retreats" in his death quote -> Saias doesn't "expend" every effort to be worthy of HB, he hides and doesn't use the abilities given by said HB!

We can say, mkay, this was just FEH trying to fit their "gods and their influence BaD" narrative and missing the real culprits, aka humans themselves (Manfroy is one!) - from FE15 - in Jugdral, even if it meant retconning a character no one cares about.

But then, last year, we had Galzus' FB :

You speak of the blood of the Sword Saint Od. Perhaps. Is that the reason you have been set on a path of violence and bloodshed?

Nyx says Galzus' "curse" isn't tied to his HB, but it's basically his regret at not having been able to save his daughter.

So far, it's completely the inverse of what I decried, so this was a good FB, right?

There is no doubt that the blood within you compels you to lead a cruel life. However, the loss of your daughter was the wedge that split your life into pieces and let the curse in.

Damn it Nyx, why???

Why Galzus's brand "compels him" to lead a cruel life - when it was just established that Galzus fell to despair and became a mercenary who kills for money after the loss of his daughter?

Before losing Mareeta, Galzus, at least per this FB, wasn't killing people right and left as the merc he now is (or was in FE5).

Now, much like Saias...

Why was Galzus left to roam around Jugdral with a toddler to begin with?

I had a daughter. When my wife died, I brought my daughter with me as I traveled around Jugdral.

This FB establishes that Galzus settled with Mareeta's biomom for a while, but when she died he "traveled around". Why Galzus couldn't return "home" and had to "travel around"?

You know the Ribaut family was devastated by our own House Isaach.

Timeline wise : Ribaut is already demolished during the prologue of FE4, and Mareeta is no older than Leif himself, which means she was born after Galzus' grandfather and Ayra's brother, aka, his uncle, beheaded his dad and demolished his kingdom. Galzus, in exile, had Mareeta, and then had to "travel around" Jugdral because his home had already been demolished by "House Isaach" -

Note how Ayra talks about the Ribaut (i prefer rivough but meh) family when she talks about her very own sister - Galzus' mother. Jugdral family trees being what they are, Shanan, Larcei, Scatach and Galzus are actually cousins, Galzus is Ayra's own nephew, just like Shanan!

Anyways, in FE4, the reason given behind Ribaut's destruction is their attack on Darna, so the Isaachian royals killed them.

Galzus' "cruel life" wasn't compelled by his HB, Galzus' life took a turn for the worst when his Uncle and Grandpa knocked at his door and slaughtered his entire family, destroying their Kingdom.

So why FEH tried to fit his backstory in some sort of "dragon blood is to blame" Fodlan narrative?? They at least acknowledge the bad blood (lel) between Isaach's royal family and Ribaut's, hell, Ayra even wants to say Mareeta is a part of Isaach's royal family in her FB with her son, so it's not to whitewash the Isaachian royal family because their units are more popular and would sell more...

Contrary to Saias, Galzus's writing and his FB seem to have been made by people who cared and didn't completely ignore what the character was about so... why this emphasis on his HB ??

Are we bound in post FE16 releases to have, at least with the current writing team, the excuse of "dragon blood is to blame" ? Galzus cannot blame the Isaachian Royal Family or even the slavers for his (and his daugher's!) fate, but he can blame his HB, aka, a non-entity?

Will HB be now used as a "responsibility free" card, because the fate a character suffers or their actions are only tied to said HB? Arvis will get a pass because his HB compelled him to save the world (tfw Victor prefered to "seduce" women instead), Lewyn will be lightly chided by his mom instead of receiving the beatdown he has in FE4 because his HB now makes him unable to stay in place? Ditto for Ced, Karin won't chew him out for abandoning his mother and sister because his HB compelled him to travel around, so in the end, dragons are to blame for him abandoning his sister and mother?

That's what I'm the most afraid in future Jugdral remakes, that had humans characters with human flaws in a crapsack/shitty verse, the insertion in a future remake of a very Squenix "but aksuhally gods and church bad" when Jugdral is the pinnacle of "the world sucks because people living in this world suck". No need for secret sects manipulating everything in the shadows like FE16's Agarthans, Chagall is a horrible person without needing Manfroy's help, and Hilda will not say "Holy Blood is to blame" when she tortures Tailte to death.

When Tailte is caught and Hilda'd, it's because she participated (or even commited) in parricide, and because her camp/army lost the battle. She doesn't die because of her HB, she dies because Hilda kills her, most likely, for having killed Reptor (Hilda wants to avenge her "father" when fought, i'm pretty sure she means her father in law aka Reptor!).

As befits a game called "Genealogy of the Holy War", people aren't targeted because of their HB, but they are targeted because they are part of a genealogy - see the Leif comparison earlier on : Leif is hunted because he is Quan's son, even if he doesn't have Noba major blood. Seliph is hunted because he is Siggy'n'Deedee's son, not because of his Baldo HB.

In FE4, Manfroy tells Julius Arvis was a thorn at their side because "Fjalar's ways" ran too strong in him - implying he had some moral fiber that would make him oppose the return of Loptyr (but those same "ways" didn't prevent him from torching his own brother and conquering the world...) - I will have to check the translation and og script, but was Saias targeted because he had Fjalar HB, or because he could develop the same moral fiber Arvis does in his later years, or just, because he is Arvis's son? Cowen seems to suggest it is FB, but we know Fjalar HB cannot harm Loptyr so... what was the true reason?

Blaming dragon-gods reduces the complexity of Jugdral's setting and characters - and in a post FEH world where tropes win character contests and sell a lot of alts if they are flanderised enough + a post FE15/16 world where characters, to be likeable enough, have to ditch their responsibilities or at least have the plot elude them to pin them instead on vague and non-important (gacha wise) gods, what is going to happen to Jugdral?

Fanfics are fanfics and people are free to write whatever they want - but I wonder (especially after Nopes and the plethora of 'golden endings' fics that ended up with the CoS as the big bad lol) if fics where Mareeta and Ced blaming their HB for their various hardships is going to become the new canon...

I seriously hope it will never, and it if happens then...

I guess I'll still yell at cloud and nerd about the 1990s versions of those games, completely ignoring the new releases (save for maybe updated artwork).

Tl;Dr : FEH makes me afraid Judgral remakes will borrow the "humanity fuck yeah" page from FE15 and FE16 and put the blame of Jugdral's shitty situation from Jugdralians to... Holy Blood and "dragon-gods", completely missing and rewritting the point of those games. IS already said "fig" to Kaga once or thrice, but this might become the most contentious "fig" they ever give him if they decided to write a Jugdral remake this way.

#rant #heroes salt #fe series salt #at least the few last games #FE17 is a breath of fresh air #will it become the new standard or will we have more and more shit like those FBs?#jugdral stuff #at this point i'm afraid of that fandom syndrome #where you put much more thoughts and love and care about a setting than its own authors #so when said authors develop it you're disappointed #because you feel like it's a downgrade to what it was before #like star wars maybe?#i'm very worried about the writing of future games especially since the faux issues raised in Fodlan games apparently #made people want more writting as consistent as pudding #as long as has a veneer of being solid and realistic

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poeedamerons · 6 months

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I anticipated it, and despite my futile hopes, it happened. One of the most masterfully written books on World War II was transformed into an overly dramatic series lacking any complexity, glorifying a Nazi as our heroic figure. If you can't grasp how messed up these changes are, then just get out.

This wasn't an adaptation; it was a complete distortion of the original story. Having read the book, it's infuriating to witness the show's blatant disregard for the profound moments that reveal the humanity in people, the major moral dilemmas, and the portrayal of Werner as inherently good, wiping away all shades of his moral complexity. He's essentially an entirely different character, suggesting a world where individuals are either inherently virtuous or irredeemably evil, with no middle ground. Werner's numerous transgressions are trivialized and never brought to light, leaving his path to redemption woefully incomplete. His character portrayal is utterly disjointed.

And Marie... she was as unremarkable as the color beige. It's not just about her acting skills (acknowledging she's a newcomer), but her entire character lacked any memorable impact.

Werner is a brilliantly written character who evokes our sympathy, as he was just a small grain of sand on a vast beach. Even though he had little control over his circumstances, he was still a part of the bigger picture. His most redeeming moment came when he helped Marie, making his eventual death in the book all the more heart-wrenching. He found a glimmer of light within himself, only to meet a tragic end, while someone like Volkheimer, who way less deserving, survives and grows old. The injustice of this situation was painfully evident. However, all of this depth and complexity is missing in the show. It's like it never existed.

Moreover, the absence of Frederik, who represents the greatest source of light and humanity in this book, is a significant loss. Frederik played a crucial role in Werner's personal growth. He is also an element of resistance, and his absence robs the story of an important element.

A major oversight was aging the characters in the adaptation. Portraying them as children would have underscored the loss of their innocence and the cruel theft of their youth and early adulthood by the ravages of war. It could have highlighted the extent of their suffering during that time, a reality that is frequently disregarded. War spares no one and the book is brutal about it.

The alterations in the storyline didn't align with the original narrative and it was disservice. The portrayal of the scene where Werner fixes the radio was entirely inaccurate. Moreover, all the German adult characters were depicted as cartoonish embodiments of evil – there were no layers of complexity. In the book, they were initially amiable towards Werner, but their behavior changed not because they are some cartoonish evils, but due to the complexity of human nature. They were kind to Werner because they wanted something from him, and once their purpose was served, the pretense disappeared, as Werner comes to realize.

The show completely mishandles the chronology, revealing crucial details about the Battle of Saint Malo without delving into the complexity of why the characters are the way they are or how they arrived at their current situations. The portrayal comes across as overly simplistic and lacking the depth present in the book, as if the producers attempted to compensate for this by sprinkling a handful of meaningful quotes, hoping to capture the essence of the profound analysis found within the book.

The decision to have the characters speak English with their national accents was distracting and bordered on being caricature-like. While I understand the desire to appeal to an American audience, it seems questionable whether the series would even be marketable there. Aside from the general American taste for hero-focused war movies and the presence of Mark Ruffalo, there seems to be little appeal for the American audience. Presenting a Nazi character as a hero would likely not sit well with viewers. It might have been more effective for the show to cast German or French actors and have them speak their respective languages, which could have added at least layer of authenticity to the series.

To be honest, I could continue to elaborate on how this show tells an entirely different story. With the characters aged and Werner surviving the Battle of Saint Malo, the essence of the narrative undergoes a significant shift. Overall, the series fails to capture the poignant essences of the book, offering viewers a simplified and emotionally detached rendition of what was originally a profound narrative.

Apart from the fact that not all Nazis enjoyed being Nazis, I’m not sure what we’re supposed to take away from this series… even the significance behind the title of the book seems to have been overlooked and might not be understood by the audience.

Honestly... this was four hours too long.

#all the light we cannot see #spoilers

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ashes-writing · 1 year

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stranger things ● forever, pt 2 ● s.harrington

warnings

{ part 1 } <- can be found by clicking. everything else I've started will be updated asap. this just grabbed hold and i had to lean into it, that's why there are two updates for it in one day.

Angst, hurt comfort, internal angst (because reader/you and Steve apparently love to overthink fucking everything), baby talk (your kid is 3. she's still grasping speech.), so much dad!steve fluff omg, robin has a crush and might get the girl, (Barb. it's barb and i am fully prepared to die all alone on this hill.), small town judgment and rumors and shit ( if curious.. this has both to do with eventual Robin/Barb and also bc stevie, in my mind, looks like she could be steve's actual daughter bc drama ), huge changes to seasons 1 thru 4 (Everyone but Jason lives, Max is not in between life or death, Billy's brush with death has redeemed him.. slightly, starcourt is rebuilt, the portal to the upside down is closed PERMANENTLY), vaguely hinted at that Vecna may have mentally tortured Steve and it may have gotten in his head a little when Vecna 'attacked' his mind in my version of events for this, alcohol/smoking mentions, eventual filth (probably gonna have Steve's known breeding k*nk front and center, fwiw.), swearing, arguing, roommates trope eventually, slow burn (as slow as I can tolerate tbh ), reader has not had a very good life prior to Hawkins, ( more will come on that later trust me )

Reader/you are Robin Buckley's cousin. Reader/You was born female and you identify as female with female parts and a 3 year old daughter named Stevie and reader/you have personality + a past and backstory. This is self indulgent and I do not apologize.

word count

5302 exactly. I uh.. got carried away.

summary

Robin thinks what you’ve just said is hilarious and she’s doubled over laughing as she pauses to look at you and shake her head. “You don’t know Steve. Trust me. This will not get annoying for him. And anyway,” Robin rolls onto her stomach and looks at you, “He likes her.”

aka, the one in which Robin -and Steve also Barb watch Stevie while you try to interview for a job.

taglist + shoutouts

-- taglist is here. if you wish to be added click the bolded part to be taken to it. if you're here for eddie/gareth or other guys from ST and don't want to be tagged please let me know.

@allelitesmut

@chaoticcancer - just wait. my heart was also like ahhhh.. writing these two parts. I really hope you like this, thank you for reading!

@caravelofthesun

@dylanwritesgood

@eddiemuns0nl0ver

@just-a-blue-nerd

@music4life42

@slyisbehindyou

@spaceconveyor

@tbmunson bestie. babe. babesss. i had to do this okay? we needed it. and i proceeded to go ham. oopsies.

other links

masterlist ● steve's masterlist ● about + rules

TWO

You must've put in an application at every place imaginable all over town. It's been a week and the phone lines have been silent. You're starting to wonder if you'll get any callbacks.

"Will you relax? Someone will call, okay?" Robin speaks up from the doorway of her room. You sink down to sit on the bed. "I'm seriously having my doubts."

"They will." Robin is unwrapping a bomb pop and holding it out to Stevie. Stevie takes it and climbs up onto your lap. You grimace at her reddened shoulders from an afternoon spent in the kiddie end of Hawkins pool and she leans back against you as Robin leans forward to hit play on yet another movie Steve Harrington rented for your daughter. Tonight it's Alice in Wonderland and as the opening credits roll, you're surprised to find yourself wondering what he's doing at the moment. It's a thought quickly buried as deep as you can.

As Alice finds herself in Wonderland on the television screen, your aunt's landline rings and you slip off the couch so Stevie goes to sit in Robin's lap. Until she remembers the glittery 'picture' she drew earlier and goes to get them both because she's made one for Steve too, a little thank you for being so nice to her when she knows she might be annoying at times.

"Who's this one for?" Robin asks, looking at the squiggles, circles and squares covered in glitter and drawn in vibrant red marker beneath. The purple glitter is falling off the page, settling on Robin’s bed.

"Steve. I make him dragon. Only he doesn't breathe fire, he breathes toasts."

Robin laughs and smiles. "I see that. I'm gonna put mine right here. On my bulletin board." She hugs Stevie again and Stevie is hugging back, playing with her hair.

"'Kay!" Stevie laughs, looking up at Robin. “I like Steve. He’s sooooo nice.”

“Oh you do, huh?” Robin laughs again. Stevie nods.

You wander back in and Robin speaks up. “Well?”

“That was the secretary job I applied for? I’m a ‘risk’ but they’re willing to give me a shot?” you’re still a little shocked because when you applied for the secretary position at some office in town, they were literally the last stop. You didn’t think they’d even look at your application, let alone hire you. “They want me to come in for face to face interviews tomorrow.”

Then it hits you. Your aunt Janet has to work. “Shit.”

“What?”

“I can’t, Robin.. Your mom has to work.”

“And?”

“And, I can’t take Stevie. I also can’t leave her alone.” you bite your lip as you mull it over.

Robin speaks up. “I’ll take her to Family Video with me. I’ve got a shorter shift tomorrow and it’s gonna be slow as hell anyway.”

“Robin…” you eye her warily.

“I’ll take her.” Robin repeats, firmer. “It’ll be fun. Won’t it, Stevie?” Robin gazes down at Stevie. “A little help here?” she asks, fluffing Stevie’s hair. Stevie is nodding. “Please, mama? I be so good.”

“Okay, sweetie, but aunt Robin is working. You have to be a good girl.”

Robin laughs. “Relax. She’s an angel.” she looks over at you and now both of them are begging.

“Okay, alright. Fine. The second I have money again I’ll pay–” you start to tell Robin you’ll pay her but she’s already shaking her head. “You’re not. I wanted to do it.”

“Okay, but.. For whatever reason, she’s attached to your friend. It might get annoying, Robin.” you point out after turning your attention back to the television for a few minutes and having a little more time to think about it. You’re grasping at straws because you’re already seeing Stevie form a little bit of an attachment to Robin’s best friend slash co-worker and you’re just so afraid that sooner or later, the novelty is going to wear off for the guy, leaving your little girl heartbroken and missing something she’s never actually had and most likely never will.

A father.

“Yeah. Now, in theory, when he only has to deal with her a few minutes here and a few there. A whole day with her underfoot is different.” you take a deep breath. “I’m just..”

“I get it. You don’t want Stevie to get too attached.” Robin mumbles quietly, nodding in agreement. “You need the job, right?”

“Well, yeah, I’d like to find an apartment sooner or later. I’d like to be able to do things for Stevie..” you trail off, letting the rest of your sentence go unsaid. Because Robin knows exactly how awful your mom was now, the two of you had a really long talk recently. You finally told her everything that’s been going on, full honesty. Instead of letting her believe everything was fine like you’d done before.

Robin nods. A grim look on her face as she shakes her head. “I wish you’d told me and Mom everything way sooner.”

“I didn’t want you guys to worry.” you answer, going quiet. “Okay, alright. Don’t let her annoy him, please?” you give Robin a pleading look and Robin nods. “I’m telling you though,” she insists, “Stevie is not annoying to him. Like… not even a little.”

“Robin.” you laugh and shake your head. “He’s probably got an image or something.”

“Yeah, as a giant dingus.” Robin states, laughing. “I know what you’re thinking. Just stop overthinking already, okay? Steve Harrington is a good guy. He’s not going to treat her like dirt because she’s three.”

You blow at damp strands as they fall down into your eyes. “I just.. She’s never really like.. Attached herself to a person like this before.”

“Could have everything to do with her mommy being stingy.” Robin teases gently, laughing as she looks up at you. Stevie wanders back in with a yogurt cup and spoon. Robin reaches out, pulling her up before you even get the chance. “Guess what, sparkles?”

“Yeah?”

“Your mom finally gave in. We win. You can come to work with me tomorrow.” Robin and Stevie share a laugh and Robin takes Stevie’s spoon and takes a bite of yogurt for herself. “We can watch movies all day.”

“Yay!” Stevie claps her hands together in excitement. “Will my fwiend be there?”

Robin laughs softly. You tense up slightly. Look at your daughter with a soft smile as you warn, “Sweetie, you don’t need to bother him too much, okay?”

“Otay.” Stevie nods. But she has no intention of listening because she likes being around Steve. He’s nice. Really nice. And he gives her piggyback rides sometimes. He tells her stories about dinosaurs and some weird thing called basketball that he used to play and really likes a lot. He showed her how to tie her favorite purple sneaker earlier when he dropped off her aunt Robin after work, because her shoe was untied and he said he didn’t want her to fall on her face.

CONTINUED

The morning comes too early. And it’s off to a not so good start. You’re rushing around because you forgot to set an alarm the night before, and the button’s popped off the only ‘suitable’ shirt you own for an interview.

Stevie’s missing her shoe and she can’t find her current favorite stuffed animal, a stuffed husky that Robin won out of the claw machine outside of Big Buy when they went in to pick up groceries for your aunt Janet. So she’s upset. Robin spots the shoe and holds it up. “Aha! I knew it was in here somewhere!”

“Fank you!” Stevie throws her arms around Robin’s neck. Robin grabs the hair brush from her dresser and motions for Stevie to sit in front of her. You laugh. “She’s tender-headed.” you warn as you flip over your own hair and try to make something out of the wild and thick mess of curls you have going on now, no thanks to your old reliable blow dryer quitting earlier. You’re in the midst of scrunching your hair to create a more defined curl pattern when Stevie wanders over, bending down to look up at you through a curtain of hair. “Mama! Mama, your skirt dirty.”

“Shit.” you say it without stopping to think and just as Stevie looks as if she’ll repeat it, you tack on quickly, “Mommy didn’t mean t’ say that, cupcake. You’re still a baby. That’s an adult word.”

“I know.” Stevie answers, giggling. “It sound funny.”

“It’s not, though.” you smile at your daughter and laugh softly. “You’ll let your aunt Robin braid your hair but you won’t let me? I might cry.”

“Don’t, mama. It’s just aunt Wobin do it better!”

You pout a little, flipping your hair over to stand and look in the mirror. Robin notices the stain on your skirt too and nods to your aunt’s room across the hall. “My mom’s got a suit or something? I think?”

You nod. After digging through your suitcase, you happen to find a modest -and totally shapeless, t shirt style black dress, you grab that and rush down the hall into the bathroom of the trailer to change.

“This looks like I’m wearing a trash bag. If I wind up working at this place I’m gonna have to get dressier stuff.” you wrinkle your nose at the thought. Because it’s money you don’t want to have to spend, but if you could luck into getting this secretary job, you’d be thrilled because it’ll be more money than you’ve ever made at once before.

And the job actually has insurance.

Robin’s friend Barb pulls to a stop outside and Robin’s giddy, laughing and smiling as if she could float. She drops a quick kiss to Stevie’s head and hugs you, lingering in the doorway. “I’ll see you in a little bit!”

You laugh and nod. “Yeah!”

After Robin’s gone, you scramble some eggs and squeeze an orange to make some juice for Stevie and as she eats ketchup covered scrambled eggs and a piece of fried ham, you try to finish getting ready.

You hate the shapeless dress, it’s one of your least favorite articles of clothing and even adding a belt to it doesn’t do anything to make it look better. You laugh at yourself in your cousin’s full length mirror on the back of her closet door and you toss the belt at your open suitcase on the bed. “Just get it over with. You’re probably not getting the job anyway, they said you were a risk to hire.”

Stevie’s sitting on the floor watching you. “We go, mama?”

“Yeah, we should get going,cupcake. Turn off the tv.”

Stevie pushes the button to turn off the television atop the dresser at the foot of Robin’s bed and you scoop her up,carrying her out. As the two of you walk out of the trailer, the girl with red hair is outside skateboarding again.

Stevie gives her a wave and the redhead waves back, quick to turn back to her skateboarding. The muscular blond with the mullet is leaned in the open door again, you can feel him staring. When he grins at you, cigarette smoke billowing out of his mouth, you manage a stiff wave and turn your attention to getting Stevie fastened into her car seat.

It’s a hard pass on the guy for you. He’s exactly the type of guy who fathered Stevie when you were 17. You are not going down that road again. And as you slip into the driver seat, a thought pops up out of nowhere. Surprises you a little when it does.

,, he’s not as handsome as Steve Harrington, either.” and as soon as this thought rises, you’re quick to shove it back down.

He’s definitely not an option.. You know, if you were even considering anything. The last thing any guy your age is going to want is to get a package deal and you’re just not willing to settle for anybody who won’t love and cherish your little girl as much as you do.

As you drive into town, you hum along with the radio, watch as the tree lined blacktop turns to buildings and houses. You pull to a stop in the parking lot of Family Video right around the same time that Robin and her friend Barb are pulling to a stop. You watch as Barb leans in closer to your cousin and you smile softly to yourself.

Robin mentioned someone in her letters around Valentines Day. You’re wondering if Barb might be the girl she mentioned. You hope so, because the way Barb looks at your cousin when she’s not looking is the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen with your own eyes, hands down. Robin spots you as the two pull away from their super close conversation and she grins brightly, waving.

As Robin and Barb wander over, Stevie’s already grumbling as she fusses with the way her upper harness in the seat likes to hang up. “I just wanna get out! Stupit buckle.” as she fumes and keeps trying to work with it, you lean over and unfasten it. Gently caressing her chubby little cheeks as you look into big brown eyes. “Mama will be back later to get you, alright? Be a good girl for aunt Robin.” you go quiet, adding a second later, “And don’t bother Steve so much when he’s working, please?”

“But mama..”

“Stevie Robin..” you using her first and middle name has the desired effect, but she’s pouting and not happy about it. “Otay! I try not to bother him! But if he wants t’ play, I not stop him.”

You laugh softly and press a kiss to her hairline. As Robin opens the door and scoops up Stevie, she’s laughing. “Ready for a big adventure, sparkles?”

“Uh-huh!” she laughs and smiles, hugging against Robin. One of her braids is already trying to come undone. You smile at Barb. She smiles back as she reaches for the old backpack you use to keep everything Stevie needs inside when you have to leave her with sitters and you fight down the usual guilt that comes rushing up when you’re thinking about just how well used that backpack is by now and how it means you hardly get to spend any time with your daughter like you always dreamed you would when you were little.

The time your own mother refused to spend with you.. Unless, of course, she took you along with her to try and ply single men by playing the single mom who needs sooooo much help card.

“She’ll be fine, ___.” Robin’s gentle teasing and the reassuring grin she gives you has you nodding. Smiling at her even though leaving Stevie with them while you go off for an interview is the last thing you want to be doing.

You’d rather be spending all day with your little girl. Making a blanket fort in the living room of your house. Making crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as you both lie around, you reading her book of Grimms fairytales to her. Cuddling. Until the man you love comes in from work, where you’d have a nice home cooked meal, not something frozen or canned or even burned beyond recognition.. The life you didn’t have and always longed for as a kid.

,, you really need to accept the fact that this is your reality. Unless you want to turn into her, parading an endless string of faceless and nameless ‘uncles’ in and out of your life, always leaving you hurt and confused when they were gone and she was mean and bitter all over again.” the thought comes and you shove it out.

You watch as the three of them disappear into the video store, door banging shut behind them. And then you put your car into drive and pull out, merging with traffic. Journey is playing on the radio so you hum along and you hope it’ll distract you from a full to bursting mind. You’re just focused on doing your absolute best at this interview. Because you have to get money coming in somehow.

CONTINUED

Steve’s flipping through the channels on the old tv set that sits down on the counter out of sight. His legs are reclined and he’s just.. Fighting the urge to pass out from exhaustion.

To say sleeping through a full night since March has been a struggle would be a gross understatement. It’s been literal hell on Earth for him because every time he starts to doze, he can feel the earth rumbling beneath him. The sensation of free falling and then a hard thud as he connects with solid. And then he can hear Vecna’s evil laugh all over again. The way Vecna forced him to watch his worst fears and deepest secrets play out in front of him just to torture him. He had to watch everyone move on and leave him behind. He had to watch as his parents just went on with life as normal after his ‘death’, totally unaffected. He had to hear every single dark thing he’s ever thought or felt but never given a voice to, on repeat.

It’s not until his alarm’s going off every morning that the torment stops as Comfortably Numb starts to play and brings him rushing out, into another long day.

It was the same this morning and yet somehow, it wasn’t. Because Robin let it slip that Stevie was going to spend the day with them while you were interviewing at one of the offices in town for a secretary position. And somehow, knowing the little girl was going to be around to distract him all day just made things a little better.

She’s eating gummy bears that Robin and Barb stopped at the gas station in town to buy her as she makes her way over to him and motions for him to pick her up. “Tell me more about baske..About the game.” Stevie asks, holding out her bag of gummy bears to Steve as she smiles. “I wanna play too.”

Steve chuckles.

“Hang on, little bit.” he reaches for the remote, “Maybe there’s a warm up game on or a replay.” he flips through stations until he finds the channel he’s looking for. “That’s basketball.” he nods to a replay of an old Bulls game. “I used to play in high school.”

Stevie’s eyes fix on the television and she holds the bag out to him again. Steve takes a handful of gummy bears and pops them into his mouth as he arranges Stevie on his lap a little better.

As this is happening, Barb nudges Robin. “I never thought I’d see this happen.”

Robin laughs softly and nods. “Me either. From what __ has told me, Stevie doesn’t meet strangers though.” she shrugs, “Does he seem off to you too lately? And it’s gotten a little more obvious since Nance and Jonathan left town.”

“It has.” Barb admits, leaning against Robin slightly. Not enough to be obvious or invateRobin’s personal space but enough that she can feel the slight weight of the other girl and just..be close.

She wishes she could be so much closer. But she doesn’t know how to even begin telling her.

Robin feels her cheeks burn at the slightest hint of contact and she bites back the smallest whimper threatening to break free. She forces herself to pull together and calls out to get Steve’s attention. “Dingus, don’t get her into sports!”

“Looks fun!” Stevie is grinning and she’s turned herself to face Steve. “Open your mouth.” Steve opens his mouth as the little girl’s asked and Stevie tries to toss a bear in but she misses. The blue gummy bear settles on the front of his new polo shirt and he picks it off, eating it.

The bell over the door jingles and Robin glances over to see who it is.

“Harrington! Yo! Dude!” Billy’s calling out Steve’s name as he wanders the aisles to search for his former enemy turned friend. He finally gives up the search and stops in front of Robin and Barb. “Either of you seen Steve or do I need t’ go over and drag his broody ass outta bed again?”

“Right here, Hargrove, jesus.” Steve speaks up. Billy nearly chokes on the gum he’s chewing as he sees Steve sitting behind the counter with the cute little 3 year old daughter of the hot mom living across from him and his stepsister and her mom in Forest Hills. “You stealin kids now, Harrington?”

“I came t’ him.” Stevie sasses, leaning in against Steve just a little. Steve laughs and shrugs. Robin speaks up. “Yeah, he stole her from me! It took two hours to convince her mom I’d be able to watch her today when she went in for the interview. He’s had her since Barb and I got here.”

“You get her all the time, Robbie.”

“And? She’s my sparkles.” Robin argues back with Steve playfully. Billy chuckles. When he spots the game on tv he laughs to himself. “Girls don’t like that sh–”

“Mama said that’s adult word.” Stevie warns, giving Billy a very stern little look. Billy snickers. “It is, huh?”

“Mhm.”

Steve looks up at Billy. “She wanted to watch it, actually.”

“I did!”

“Anyway, what’d you want?”

“You’re comin with me tonight, dude. Munson’s band’s having a gig at the new bar. Told him we’d go.”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“Fuck no. No you don’t, Harrington. I’ve got tomorrow off, I’m not gonna waste th’ night sober.”

Steve grumbles but shrugs. “Not like anything else is going on. Okay, fine.”

“I guess you can drive the Camaro because I’m not gonna be seen in the grandma mobile.” Billy smirks, he’s purposely being a shit now, hoping that maybe if he just keeps treating Steve like the way he treated ‘old Steve’ it’ll eventually piss Harrington enough to bring out just a little of the fight and spunk that’s been gone completely since March.

He’s really worried about Steve. He figured him out fairly easy right after he hit Hawkins their senior year. So he knows that walking out of the station with Eddie to his waiting car after everything played out in March.. Seeing the girl he wanted to be with more than anything reunite with a guy she claimed she ‘wasn’t sure about anymore’ when they looked like they’d reconnect. Billy knows this killed Steve.

And then there’s the whole Vecna thing, something Steve absolutely refuses to talk about with anyone. Even Robin, his best friend.

Billy just doesn’t want to see Steve go down the path he’s been down already.

“You loud.” Stevie mutters, giving Billy a dirty look as she leans against Steve’s chest and nods to the little television set. “We watch baske..” she gives up, “the ball game.” and Steve chuckles.

“Bas-ket-ball. C’mon, try it.”

“It’s big word! I 3.”

“And you’re really smart for 3, Stevie. C’mon, try it.” Steve coaxes.

With a little grumbling, he gets her to attempt sounding out the whole word. When she finally says it, she’s laughing and smiling, clapping chubby little hands together. “I said it! Aunt Wobin! I said it!”

Steve laughs. “You did.”

Billy snickers. “Try this one, shortstuff.. C-a-m-a-r-o.”

Stevie gives him a blank look and places a hand on her hip. “What that?”

Billy gestures to his haphazardly parked car outside the store and grins proudly. “The best car ever.”

“Uh uh! My mama’s car is best.”

Robin and Barb laugh. “Oooh.. a three year old just burned you, Hargrove.” Barb taunts and Robin laughs, " How'd that feel, Billy?"

“Shut it, both of y." Billy grumbles. "I'll be over at 9, Harrington. You're going if I have t' drag you."

"I said I'd go. Jesus." Steve gives Billy a dirty look. The guy has gotten it in his head lately that he's gonna make it his daily goal to find ways to annoy Steve.

Billy leaves and Stevie scowls at the door before looking up at Steve. "He's loud. It scare me."

Steve smoothes a hand over her hair. "He does, huh?" he looks down at Stevie and smiles, "I'll tell him to calm down, 'kay?"

"Fank you. I gonna go to aunt Wobin now. But I come right back." Stevie slips off his lap and makes her way over, instantly picked up by Robin. As she sees the movie Gremlins, she reaches for it and Robin laughs. "Sparkles, they don't stay fluffy the whole movie."

"Why not?"

"Because someone fed them after midnight." Barb answers, laughing. "Did you get tired of watching the basketball game, bub?"

"No. Just wanted to come t' you for a while."

CONTINUED

The afternoon is dragging by for him. Hardly anyone's come in since 9 that morning and the pattern seems destined to continue. Then there's a steady drizzle from a surprise afternoon storm as the rain drops pitter patter against the stores tin sheet roofing. Robin and Barb went to get the four of them some lunch and Steve flips the sign on the door from open to closed.

Stevie is asleep in his chair at the circular desk, huddled into a jacket he kept in back in case the store got too cold. The bag of gummy bears is dangling from her fingertips and about to settle on the floor when he decides maybe she'd be more comfortable on the couch in the office besides the break room.

But he's so damn tired, the 2 to 3 hours he's been getting a night since late March, those are catching up to him. He tells himself he'll just sit there and read a magazine while she naps but it turns into him laying down too, on the opposite side of the couch. And at some point, Stevie wakes up, comes over to where he's laying and crawls onto the couch with him, laying on his chest with her little arms around his neck.

This is how they're still sleeping when Barb and Robin come back a few minutes later. Barbs the one to find them and with a finger to her lips, she gestures for Robin to come to the door of the office. Robin peers in over Barb's shoulder, smiling to herself.

"Hang on. I actually think I have my camera with me out in the car." Barb hurries out to go get the camera and Robin stands in thr doorway watching the two of them sleeping on the old leather sofa. "___ is totally wrong in thinking Stevie is going to annoy Steve and I think this is exactly what he needs right now."

After Barb takes the picture, she and Robin decide to put the fast food they picked up for Steve and Stevie into the microwave and just let them sleep.

You make your way in, a brow raised at the silence. You're still processing the fact that somehow, you impressed the office interviewing you so much that you got the job. Robin grabs your wrist and practically pulls you to the office in back so you can see the way Steve and Stevie are sleeping on the couch.

"I hope she didn't bother him all day."

"She didn't. They crashed while we went to pick up food. Steve hasn't been sleeping at all and I think Stevie playing with Will when he came in with the other kids earlier tired her right out." Robin smiles, "by the way, Steve's kids have adopted her.. well, Max, she's still warming up to her but..pretty sure if you want a sitter all you have to do is say so."

"Steve's kids?" you question, brow raised. This leads to Barb and Robin sitting you down in the little break room and as they tell you everything, from the start to what’s only just come to a close -hopefully for good, as of March, you're gaping. “You..He.. Oh my god, why did nobody stop it? Like.. they had to know, right?” you’re looking at your cousin in concern and if you thought Robin Buckley was a badass before, you really believe it now. Because all she does is shrug it off as if it were nothing.

"The running joke is that Steve's kind of adopted them all..because we've been through so much." Robin goes quiet. Weighing how much she can tell you without you freaking out on her. Even thinking about the insanity she’s been through the past few years is still a lot for Robin to get her own head around, let alone try explaining it to someone else.

"Wait..back up." You're trying to process it all, from secret government science labs to these kids -and their teenage counterparts, including Steve and Robin, having to fight as if they were in a war just to save the town. Robin can see you freaking out so she explains quickly, "Billy,Dustin Eddie and Steve saw the portal close because Eddie almost didn't make it up. That nightmare is over now, thank God."

,, well, you think to yourself, now I'm really fucked when it comes to finding a reason, any reason at all to keep from getting feelings for the guy." and of course, this is quickly overruled by one thought.

He's in the prime of his life. He probably wants to enjoy that. He probably doesn't want you and all your baggage plus your daughter. And thankfully, this is just enough, for now, to keep you from letting yourself get in too deep.

Steve wanders in with Stevie on his hip and his hair sticking up everywhere. Stevie has never liked waking up before she's ready so she's got her sour face on. Steve hasn't said a word to anybody, he possibly hasn't noticed the three of you sitting at the table in the break room or the way you're staring hard right now yet.

He heats up Stevies food and then his own and when he turns around, he finds himself being watched intently by the three of you.

You smile at your daughter. Everything Robin's just gone into detail to tell you comes rushing back and in light of it, you decide that maybe he needs this. Maybe it's okay to let her seek him out until he says otherwise.

"Did you have a nap, cupcake?"

Stevie is still yawning. Steve sits her chicken nuggets down on the table and Stevie climbs into your lap to eat them. "We did, mama! And we watched movies and this boy came and he gived me crayons!" Stevie digs in the old and faded backpack until she finds the crayons that Will gave her earlier.

You laugh softly.

"How'd the thing..the interview go?" Steve asks, locking eyes with you as he bites into his own double cheeseburger.

"How did that go?" Robin asks.

" I got the job. And they're willing to let me bring Stevie if I need to." You smile.

Steve is staring. And as you smile, he feels himself smile too because there is just something beautiful, something contagious about your smile that he can't help but do it too.

"That's great!"Robin hugs you and you both laugh.

"I start tomorrow. I'm working in the mornings, so open to 2?"

You're excited. Maybe everything will finally start to go better for you and your little girl.

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x single/former teen!mom!reader #steve harrington x yn #steve harrington x buckley!cousin fem. reader #<- my writing ● steve harrington #<- warnings | angst - single/former teen mom - post s4 with s4 / show changes - see warnings above.#<- warning | female reader - robin's cousin - female parts - 3 year old daughter - female clothing; etc - personality + a backstory and pas

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ofbluesandyellows · 1 year

Text

Committed to the Cause - TASM! Peter Parker / Fem! Reader

Summary: Spider-Man gets injured in battle, he accidentally crashes into you and his hero complex comes into action. As he tries his best to redeem himself he can’t find a way out from the guilt and unbidden feelings.

Word count: 5,321

Warnings: mentions of blood, injuries, swear words, grief.

a/n: Hi! It’s me again, here I bring a story I started writing almost a year ago but i kind of forgot it existed until like four months ago. It’s a tasm! one, hope you like it! I divided it in 3 parts because it is a bit long so yeah, have fun :)

Part 1

Peter Parker sat down near Gwen Stacy’s grave, the sky was evenly gray and the cool air swirled around making the snowflakes dance away and float around. It’s been only a week since he came back to his universe.

“I wonder how Peter 2 and Peter 1 are doing right now.” He whispered to Gwen, while his fingers brushed through the colorful daisies he bought for her. “I’m Peter 3 you know? I guess 3 is just the best number,” he shrugged remembering the chaos of that night around his brothers from another universe, literally.

“Honestly Gwen, if you only could’ve seen them—see us. They were truly amazing, and the way we all connected and then we were shooting webs, the synchronicity that I experienced— I never had that. It was as if we could read each other’s minds and wow—it was fucking cool.“

Peter sighed, a hue of vapor escaped his lips. “I bet you saw it though, how I saved MJ? Peter 1’s girlfriend, I did what I couldn’t do for you Gwen. I’m sorry, I'll always be sorry for that.”

Adjusting his beanie tighter to his head when a sudden wave of wind made his skin form goosebumps. Deep in his heart he could feel that Gwen was actually listening to his banter, that this was her way of telling him that things were okay between the two.

Peter went to see Gwen every week, she was the love of his life, he was certain of it. But the truth was that Peter had lost all hope on love after Gwen.

He’d be lying if he denied the fact that he had found himself thinking of what Peter 2 said to him; that things worked out fine eventually in the love department, it put the seed of curiosity in him, what if things actually changed for him, in his heart, and he could finally let Gwen rest. He was clinging to her memory like a life jacket, if he let go he would drown, he would lose himself to the darkness.

His phone buzzed as a message showed him a text of the police department trying to contact Spider-Man.

“Gotta go Gwen, I’ll see you next week. Love you so much.” He put a kiss on his palm to then let it linger on her tombstone.

In a hidden part of an alley he put his mask on, he had to put his stuff between some garbage bags so people wouldn’t steal it, there wasn’t much to steal there, still he plastered it with web fluid, a force of habit. He swung between tall buildings and across streets, hearing sudden gasps and shouts announcing his presence in the city. It was funny how things had actually changed for him in the span of years; The Daily Bugle seemed to stop with the nasty propaganda; he was now on good terms with the police, he also had free health insurance thanks to the police department and he was doing well financially. Stark Industries was a place he never thought he would find a spot to fit in, to do the research he felt drawn to.

There were big threats still in New York but Peter didn’t feel that dread whenever he fought, the constant fear of losing someone he loved, those being the benefits of being alone, but how alone could you be to start missing the company of a partner after years of being lonesome?

Spider-Man quickly solved the robbery near the upper east side, it wasn’t a major thing, the thieves got webbed and delivered to the detectives, he got a bullet wound in his shoulder but nothing some tweezers, neosporin and a bandage couldn’t solve. Peter was even able to do so by himself now: the perks of being alone.

Peter had received several injuries and even more deeper wounds than the one he had on his shoulder but this one time as he shoot a strand of web coming from his right arm—the wounded one—his arm didn’t find it easy to carry his weight, and he was feeling somewhat dizzy, he thought it was the blood lose, because he hadn’t received a kick to the head nor anywhere his body could react the way it was doing now. He found himself screaming as he fell from a twenty four storage building.

“Watch out! Spider down!”

His instincts shouted at him to use his other web shooter, he did so, but Peter was being a little clumsy today. Slow motion turned on in his brain. The web-thread splashed on the building in front of him, but the height wasn’t enough to make him swing by without any implications. The chime of a bicycle bell was his only warning. After that he felt the clash of his body against something warm and then he rolled on the cold concrete.

That was embarrassing. People screamed and sooner than what Spider-Man could recover, people were surrounding him to help him get up.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” He spoke under the mask, his shoulder throbbing with every move.

It took him a few seconds to register what just happened. He saw a mint green bike with a twisted handlebar, a bunch of flowers scattered and crushed on the ground and then panic started to bubble in his chest. A girl—a young woman was sitting on the wet asphalt, a few people were kneeling by her side as she held her arm against her chest.

Spider-Man ran to her side, pushing the pedestrians lightly. Squatting down, his eyes scanning her, a scrape on her cheek and forehead on the same side of what he guessed was an injured arm.

“I am so sorry, I swear this isn’t me, I mean it is me but I don’t know what happened I don’t— are you alright? Can I help you with anything?”

The woman had pools of tears on the rim of her eyes, she was holding them in, because that was just humiliating, she was late for the delivery and now she had lost the bouquets and she didn’t dare to accuse The Spider-Man of her bad luck. The day was not a good one since the start. This was the ultimate confirmation.

“No, Spider-Man… sir, It’s not your fault, I just, I think I broke my arm.” She was barely able to pronounce the words, she was in terrible pain, how could she know?

“Oh, let me see.” Peter gulped under the mask, his stomach churning. He had broken the woman’s arm, this was bad. Taking her elbow she winced, tears finally slipped down her cheeks, shit. “Ms. I need to take you to the hospital.”

“No, no I have work, I can't go to the hospital now.” He saw the panic take over her features.

“It’s the least I could do. I caused this, please let me do something.”

Guilt was eating him alive, the more time he spent there with all the witnesses watching and telling her she should take Spider-Man’s word.

She felt a little hazy on the head, like when you take a pill to not get dizzy on a long road trip, and everything starts to lose sense, sounds muffling. She shook her head trying to keep the masked hero away, she had to work, she needed to gather the flowers and—

“Ms.?” Spider-Man felt panic, a rush of blood like his spider senses were going off.

Her eyes rolled backwards and she went limp on his arms.

“No, no, no.” he mumbled, taking her in his arms he did what he could to swing through the city to reach the nearest hospital.

People, nurses, doctors, they all came to a halt when they saw Spider-Man arrive carrying a woman on his arms, this was quite the scene Peter could imagine but he was not able to think straight not when he had hurt someone—by mere accident that was true, yet the guilt was so heavy he felt like he could cry under the mask.

“I need help please!” He shouted and as if he had broken a curse, nurses and doctors moved again, some of them walking towards him.

“What happened?” a nurse asked as they started moving him to a nearby stretcher.

“uh, I… she had an accident on her bike and I think her arm is broken and she has a concussion or something I’m not sure.”

The nurse nodded as they put oxygen on the girl quickly moving her to the ER. Peter followed them until someone stopped him. “Sorry man, you can’t come in.”

“Oh, yeah ok. I’ll just wait.”

“You need to get yourself fixed too.” The same nurse told him, pointing to his shoulder. “You’re ruining the floor.”

Peter’s eyes looked down and there, from his shoulder all the way down to his finger tips a thread of blood was dripping down, leaving crimson drops on the floor.

“Sorry,”

A minute later another nurse got to him and made him follow her into a room.

“We know you can’t reveal your identity and if people keep on seeing you out there they’re gonna start asking questions and it’s gonna be messy. So mister Spider-Man can you take off your suit? The mask can stay on, I need to clean that.”

Peter was a bit shocked still and maybe the blood loss was not helping so he nodded, his suit landed at his feet in a pool or red and blue, at least he was wearing a nice pair of boxers.

“I recommend you to come back later, you will only cause drama here, mister Spider-Man”

The nurse said and Peter just watched her work.

He was good as new in no time. His head felt light still but he managed to swing back to where he put his belongings in that alley. With the last bits of adrenalin still in him, he swung back to May’s, he sat on his old bed, suit on, mask off. The uneasiness he felt in his chest was suffocating. Why did he leave the hospital then? He couldn’t be at peace now. And why did he end up at May’s when he had his own apartment in Manhattan?

Maybe his injury affected his brain, his eyes checked his shoulder and the little wound was almost closed, thank goodness for fast healing but what about those who didn’t have that… What about the girl?

He wanted to make sure the girl he hurt was okay, it was an obvious statement. Yet he couldn’t go as Peter because he didn’t know anything about her and ugh, he grunted against his hands. Then he could go as Spider-Man. He knew the nurses would let him in if he asked kindly. However, he was scared of the reaction of the girl, what would she think of him of his idiocy. Spider-Man was not known for hurting pedestrians, he was supposed to save them not harm them.

His phone chimed from inside his backpack, Peter was on a streak of bad luck.

The news on his mistake quickly spread, he shook his head reading the article The Bugle had just released, how were they so fast? He wondered as his messages continued to pop up, Jonah Jameson wanted photos of Spider-Man, Peter’s former boss couldn’t let the other news sites win the exclusive so when it came to Spider-Man he still contacted Peter for exclusive photos, and Peter delivered, just because the news always made him look nice, but not this time.

Peter groaned even louder, this was not how he planned his day to go. Whenever he visited Gwen he usually had the best experiences afterwards, once he found a fifty dollar bill on the subway, just lying there on a seat, and then there was this other time where he got a free coffee because the owner proposed to her girlfriend and the drinks were free.

But that luck seemed to be long gone.

“Peter, are you in there?”

Peter’s heart jumped, he didn’t know May was home. “Yes it’s me, May!”

“Are you okay?"

“Um, yeah. I just got work to do and you know me… I’m complaining.”

“With the amount of hours you work I’d complain too. Are you heading out? I need you to bring me some bread and milk, are you staying the night, right?”

“Yeah, sure, May. Why not! Are you working today?”

“Yes, but the car is at the mechanic,” Shit, Peter totally forgot about that, he made a mental note to give May some money to get that car fixed.

“At what time you’re off?” he asked, putting a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie on. “Do you want me to pick you up?” he said, opening the door.

May shook her head, a sweet smile on her face, “No, Peter. Jamie, my coworker is driving me back, you’re fine. Just don’t come back too late okay.”

Her hand caressed Peter’s cheek, making his anxious body feel slightly better. He gave her palm a light kiss and nodded. “Of course not May, when have I been late for our weekly dinners?”

He let out a chuckle watching May drop her hand as she rolled her eyes, she shook her head and with a tired sigh she only added. “Don’t forget the bread and milk!”

“I won’t!”

His smile dropped once he heard his phone buzz again. Plopping on the bed, with furrowed eyebrows, and a guilty mind, he took the decision he guessed was the most appropriate, maybe was a little over the top either way his hazy mind was calling the shots for the day.

He found himself crawling up the walls of the hospital at night, after finding the girl’s room. Spider-Man found a way in, the windows were tiny but not too tiny to not let him sneak his body inside. Crazy, he knew, he had no other option.

Seemed like none of her family members got informed because no one was there making her company. Peter felt even worse. Gulping, he took a step closer to her bed, she was sleeping. It gave him enough time to assess the damages he caused. She had butterfly closures on her forehead, her lips were chapped and her arm was in a cast resting on her stomach. Her face was resting on the pillow in a weird angle almost over her left shoulder.

The IV made a rhythmic noise with each drop, the monitors were checking her heart rate. Somehow seeing her like that made the guilt and worry grow, Peter wanted to fix this.

His eyes landed on a clipboard over a table at the feet of the bed. He grabbed it and checked every detail. Name y/n, heart skipped a beat, now her face had a name. You were a year younger than him, you had health insurance, well that was something good he could cross from the list of his doing wrongs.

No concussions, no internal bleeding, you had surgery on your broken arm, Peter winced, the radius broke in two and now you were half a robot with the pins and rods attaching your bone together. That definitely was not helping Peter feel better.

“Shit,” he mumbled, placing the clipboard back down. His hands were up to his head.

When his eyes found your face you were looking at him, with wide eyes and parted lips, Peter felt his soul leaving his body.

“Jesus fuck!” He gasped a hand on his chest. “You scared me,”

“I—um sorry? I’m, what… how did you get in?”

His hands went to his hips and shrugged. “Through the bathroom window.”

“Why?” you tried to reincorporate on the bed but whined when you moved your arm, like you forgot you had it in a cast.

“Because there was no other way to get in,”

“But there’s a door there,” you pointed with your head. “It’s easier,”

Peter furrowed, you were not able to see him. He sighed. “Yeah, I know that. But it’s the anonymity of the visit that I want to keep… anonymous.”

What was he saying now!

He shook his head. “Um, how are you feeling?”

You scoffed, Peter deserved that disdain. “Like shit, well not as bad because I’m on medication but still not great with a useless arm.”

The casted one got up as if to show him, he nodded. Taking a step closer, his hands grasped the plastic railing at the feet of the bed.

“I can imagine— I owe you an apology, I wasn’t feeling too well and it wasn’t my intention to hurt you… or anyone. I don’t do that, you know? Goes against the hero thing.”

Your eyes were shining either for the low lights coming from outside or because you were on very strong medications, Peter couldn’t tell, what he saw was a little smile on your lips.

“I suppose it’s not on the hero policy… It's fine Spider-Man, sir.”

Peter chuckled. “Spider-Man it’s fine, I’m not as old as you may think I am.”

You cocked an eyebrow. “Really? I thought you were like thirty five or something.”

“Ouch, I… hmm no, no I—listen. I'm gonna tell you this because I think I owe you something so I’ll answer this one concern of yours, I'm around your age. So think twice before calling me old again, young lady.”

Now he saw a full smile blossom in your face, it made him feel better, a lightness finally reaching his sore shoulders.

“Um okay,” you laid deeper on your pillow, a smile still tugging at the corner of your lips.

Peter felt suddenly so overly conscious of his body and presence in front of you in a dark room, the darkness was helping but he felt your eyes on him as he paced around.

“Do you know how many days you are gonna be here?” he asked.

“I have no idea, I woke up surrounded by people, then I passed out when the nurse extended my arm and woke up like two hours ago to go pee and then fell asleep and then you were here.”

“That bad huh?” Peter crossed his arms as he leaned his back on the wall right in front of you.

“The pain was bad, but now it’s light. I do feel like I’m in a cloud when I don’t move.”

“That must be nice,” his back cracked unbidden.

“That, on the other hand, sounds bad… Are you better now? or why did you crash into me?”

Peter blinked, scratched his forehead and watched you, you looked tiny and sleepy.

“I got a bullet wound right here,” he touched his clavicle. “Lost blood and that’s when I accidentally crashed into you I was feeling dizzy, but yes I am better now.”

“I see… well, at least you are not in risk of losing your job,”

Peter straightened, a knot in his throat. “You lost your job? because of me?”

You bit the inside of your cheek, making his agony longer.

“Not really, just my weekly payment. My dad’s the owner so he wouldn't fire me, but still he didn’t even come see me, so” you shrugged. “you’re all good Spider-Man.”

“Hmm for what it’s worth I am truly sorry and I want to make it up to you, so if you need anything, really I am here for you.” Peter walked to your side, his hand lingered over your shoulder, debating himself if the touch would be too much.

“I don’t think I need anything, but thank you.” you were blinking more often, heavier.

“Are you sure?” his hand dropped by his side, forming a fist.

He wanted you to ask him a favor he wanted to feel useful, to prove to you he was good and not an asshole.

Your eyes grew big for a moment. “Wait, there is something… but I don’t think it’s safe,”

Peter clasped his hands together. “I’ll do it, what is it? I mean I’m Spider-Man, if something is not safe I am your guy, I do unsafe things for free all the time.”

“Hmm… right, okay yeah. I mean it’s not safe for me but why not, what else could happen to me, right?”

You laughed, Peter grimaced, fair enough.

“My dog, I have a little dog and he hasn’t been fed since I left this morning so… I mean if you don’t have any crime to fight right now, would you feed him?”

And his heart melted, maybe because you looked very worried and the way you were observing him made his chest flutter.

“Yeah, of course. I love dogs, I can do that, easy peasy. You got it!”

You grinned at him, teeth and sparkly eyes, Peter felt weird.

He let you explain how much food he had to put on his plate, and to refill his water bowl as well, to not step on his little grass square where he peed and to leave the window just ajar for the air to circulate.

And at the end you gave him your address, hesitation still on your voice, but Peter promised you he was going in and out fast.

“I’ll check on you later okay?” Spider-Man said, as he walked to the bathroom.

You nodded, giving him a lipped smile. “You can use the door,”

“Nah, not my style… see ya later y/n.”

Peter struggled to get out, it wasn’t as easy as getting in. He considered using the door next time.

Your apartment was small, not too small but it wasn’t big as in rich family kind of big. But it was small as in cozy. Your dog, Percy, was barking at him as he entered through your room’s window. It smelled like coconut, he sighed.

When he opened the door to reveal the hall leading to the living room, Percy jumped at his legs, looking at him with curiosity, and the barking resumed. Peter started petting him on his tiny head and as soon as Peter reached his bag of food, Percy sat at his feet.

“Oh good boy!” He scratched tiny Percy on the back of his ear. “Okay, Percy, show me your bowl…”

It surprised Peter to see Percy run from the kitchen to the spot dedicated to the little Yorkiepoo, two bowls rested side by side on a corner as his bed was placed right beside the largest couch in the room. Toys were scattered around and Peter smiled.

“Okay so your kind owner said half a cup and two treats, right?” Percy tilted his head, Peter laughed. “You are too cute”

The bowls got filled with the respective things and as Percy ate throwing Spider-Man curious looks, Peter roamed around the room. His mask forgotten on the couch. You were messy but not too messy, your apartment was clean and you had flowers everywhere. A big vase of daisies in your bedroom. Another one with lavender carnations and purple monte casinos, it made your house smell fresh. He watched a photo of you with friends and he noticed how different you looked, dressed up in casual clothes, hair brushed and yes, without a cast on the arm.

You were pretty, he noticed, how your hair fell over your shoulders and your eyes were big and sparkly. Maybe your eyes were always shining.

A bark took him out of the trance, Percy was at his feet again looking up to him. Peter squatted down and patted the dog, until the latter laid on his back showing Peter his chubby belly.

“You want me to scratch your belly? Okay, but just once because I have to go, still need to go buy some stuff you know? I need to fight bad guys and do groceries, not like you!” he kept on scratching until Percy moved his back legs as if he wanted to scratch himself. “Look at you, living your best life.”

With a sigh, Peter stood up. Ready to go back to his life, this has been a nice way to stop for a second but for him there were not many breaks.

A flick of a wrist, the window slid open a little, he gathered his web with his hand so Percy wouldn’t eat it, put his mask on and jumped off the balcony window.

Spider-Man had a busy night, some guys robbed a few trucks with chemicals inside that ended with an explosion on a dock. He felt a bruise forming on his back and arms, but he managed to get out of there, leaving the robbers webbed onto a wall of a building, the police and the firemen arrived in time for him to take a minute to recover from the smoke and the harsh hits his body received.

He filled in the police with the information and as the sun emerged, the warm sun beams calmed the pain and the coolness of his bones as he made his way back to the hospital.

Spider-Man was not in condition to sneak in through the smallest window in the room, so he entered through the emergency exit and took the elevator. People threw him furtive looks, a kid hugging his mom’s arm had his eyes glued to him, so he did what any other person would do, Peter waved at him and the kid beamed. With excuses and hand gestures Peter sighed, exiting the elevator, no nurses were around but once he entered your room, he got surprised by the one nurse who had received you a day before.

“Oh mister Spider-Man, good to see you.” She smiled at him and Peter saluted her as she made her way to the door. “She is ready to go,” she winked at him and Peter knitted his brows together.

His eyes landed on you, gathering your stuff in a tote bag as best as you could, your left arm was not as trained as the right, he noticed.

“Hey!” he said, waving at you.

You nodded. “Would you help me?”

“Sure,” Peter opened the bag and you literally threw everything in.

“Thanks… how was your night?” you asked, dark circles around your eyes.

Peter shrugged, regretting it instantly as his muscles complained. “Nothing out of the ordinary. What about you?”

You sat down on the bed. “I feel weird, but okay I guess.”

“Are you walking home?”

“Nope, got to go see how work is doing and then I’ll go home.”

Peter nodded, well… this must be it then. “Percy is a cute dog, very well behaved.”

It made you smile, hence Peter did so too. “He is… thank you by the way, for checking on him and for coming by too. You didn’t have to but you did anyway.”

Peter felt a flush and warmth coming for his cheeks. “Nah, it’s nothing. As I said I owed you so it was the least I could do, really. I’m glad you are okay, sorry for the arm though.”

Peter smiled even if you couldn’t see.

“Well, it was fun to see the famous Spider-Man up close. No offense but hope this is the last time,”

“Ouch, no, yeah I get it, hope that too. Don’t get in trouble, okay?”

“You got it spidey.”

You looked at your feet and the whole mood in the room felt weird, so Peter knew this was his cue.

“I’m gonna go now, need a bit of rest after a long night. See you… well… yeah whatever, bye y/n.”

He heard you chuckle, Peter shook his head feeling a bit dumb, closing the door at his back he made his way out the hospital.

When he got back to May's, he came to the realization that he didn’t buy the bread nor the milk, May made sure to remind him.

“PETER!”

“I’m on it, May! Sorry!”

•••

Peter was late for his date, his date with Gwen. He fell asleep on the subway and now he had to swing all the way back to get her weekly bouquet.

The place where he always bought flowers was closed, mumbling obscenities as he crossed the street.

How funny was that only half a block down another flower shop was open.

He bought flowers only for Gwen and for May’s birthday, so he didn’t know much about them other than the classic red roses for his aunt and the colorful daisies for Gwen. His jaw almost hit the floor seeing the flowers on display, buckets of color and the smell so fresh and so sweet and so magical.

After a second of admiring the shop he went to the desk where a guy was wrapping pink roses for a woman. He gave him a lipped smile which Peter replied with a nod.

“How much for a small bouquet of daisies?”

The guy waved to the woman and put all his attention on Peter. “What kind?”

“Um.. normal? I don’t know.”

The guy looked at him funny. “We have pink daisies, african, chicory, fire wheel, gerberas, japanese…”

“Just the cheapest bouquet you can give me.”

Peter was late and he was not in the mood to know the kinds of flowers. He also forgot his wallet and now he had like ten dollars to survive the day.

“Okay…” the guy shook his head. “Y/n,”

Peter’s heart skipped a beat.

Suddenly you appeared from a door he hadn't noticed until now, cast still on, but you looked healthier.

“What?!”

“Price for a bouquet of daisies…”

“What kind?” you sounded exasperated.

“Cheap,” the guy said in a tone that made Peter want to roll his eyes.

You squinted at the guy and Peter almost laughed. “Umm… eight dollars.” You finally looked at Peter.

Peter felt naked without the mask, and even if it was a crazy idea that he would deny later on the day, he, deep inside, was hoping you’d recognize him.

“Uh, um yeah that’s okay.” Peter spoke, a little choked.

“What colors do you want?” you asked him.

“All of them?”

It made you smile. “Nice.”

And you disappeared through the door, Peter let out the trapped air in his lungs.

The guy was just staring at him weirdly. “cash or card?”

“Cash,”

“Of course.”

Peter furrowed his eyebrows, offended. “Whatever man, I don’t want anything, thanks.”

Peter came out of the store mad, upset, shocked and disappointed. Crossing the street he tried to look for another flower shop. He didn't care he was late anymore, Gwen was a priority and he shouldn’t feel this shitty prior to his date.

“Hey, hey… dude..”

He heard and looked over his shoulder, you were running towards him, a bouquet in hand, cheeks red and no coat on. Were you crazy or what?

Peter stopped and waved his hands to stop you.

“You forgot your flowers!” you said, a hue of vapor came out of your lips.

“I didn't pay for them,”

“I know,” you looked embarrassed. “Sorry about Jerry, he's a little bitch, here take them! They’re on the house.”

Peter’s eyes went from your eyes to the happy perky daisies on your hand.

“I will follow you around until you take them.” You grinned. “Go on.”

Peter with a little smirk on her lips, sighed. “Just because you have no coat on and it’s freezing… Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure, have a nice day.”

Your smile made him feel funny inside. “Yeah you too.”

Pivoting on your post you made your way back, Peter stood there perched, waiting for you to get inside the shop again, his cheeks went fully red when you looked back at him and smiled.

“No,” he simply said, shaking his head making his way to see Gwen.

Part 2 - Part 3

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