#Vashti speaks
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I would love to surprise a woman with the sound and feeling of my voice, my growls, my pleased throbbing purrs.. especially right in her ear, where she can hear it best and know exactly how close my teeth are to her neck
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Oh wow yall really like Vashti
Glad you do cause I like him too ^^
sadly I have no more art of him in my “queue” but as the RP progresses I am sure I will draw him more!!
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mutuals i wanna know better, tagged by @hollowslantern THANK U ^____^!!!!!!
last song I listened to: mother by vashti bunyan. really good song (sniffing really loudly and blowing into tissues as i speak.) (Hmm That wa smeant to imply crying but it kind of sounds like i just have allergies..) .
currently reading: does this gamemaker coding tutorial count... if not then pride and prejudice. ive been putting it off for a long time so its nice to check it off my list >:D
currently watching: im watching the last few episodes of succession and im about halfway through season 3 of frasier... i do really want to reawtch ds9 though i might after im done. i miss my good friends kira and sisko
current obsession: ive been playing lethal amounts of dragon quest builders 2 lately if that counts. i DID have a weird pikmin dream last night, though..?
tagging @redskysailor @billymayslesbian @dooxliss @yarnkirby @plnwos and anyone else who wants to do this >:D i forgot to tag a few people im sure OTL
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Character ask: Queen Esther
Favorite thing about them: Her courage and selflessness when she risks her life to save her people, and her cleverness in the way she uses flattery, entertainment, and well-chosen wording to maneuver the villainous Haman into a vulnerable position and turn her royal husband against him.
Least favorite thing about them: I suppose the fact that at first she's reluctant to approach the king without being summoned and come out as Jewish to him. Of course it's natural that she's afraid to risk her life, but still, thousands of other people's lives are on the line and she almost chooses to protect herself rather than them.
Three things I have in common with them:
*I'm part Jewish.
*I'm often afraid to reveal my Jewish heritage in public.
*I often wear purple – most mass-produced Queen Esther costumes for Purim seem to dress her in purple, since it was associated with royalty in the ancient world.
Three things I don't have in common with them:
*I'm not married to a king.
*I'm not an orphan.
*I've never been to the Middle East.
Favorite line:
Her instructions to Mordecai when she agrees to speak to the king on the Jews' behalf:
"Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”
Her reveal of her Jewish heritage to her husband, with its clever rhetoric of saying that she and her people are threatened, arousing her husband's protective outrage, before she reveals that by this she means Haman's planned genocide of the Jews that her husband had blindly agreed to:
“If I have found favor with you, Your Majesty, and if it pleases you, grant me my life—this is my petition. And spare my people—this is my request. For I and my people have been sold to be destroyed, killed and annihilated."
brOTP: Her cousin and foster father Mordecai.
OTP: Well, I have to say her husband King Ahasuerus, though it's hardly a modern love match, and though there are plenty of valid reasons to loathe him and wish Esther could leave him. If not for their marriage, she couldn't have saved her people.
nOTP: Haman.
Random headcanon: I accept the Talmudic tradition that she was a vegetarian rather than eat non-kosher meat in her husband's palace, but not the tradition that she lived on only legumes and seeds. While I understand the appeal of saying "Out of virtue and piety she turned down the most tempting dishes in favor of plain, simple food," that's not a balanced diet, and Persian cuisine has so many wonderful vegetable dishes she could have chosen from!
Unpopular opinion: I don't think she and Queen Vashti need to be pitted against each other. While I don't like the tradition of vilifying Vashti in order to glorify Esther as the superior, deserving replacement, neither do I think admiring Vashti's courage and defiance means we should look down on Esther for being "docile and submissive" or "complicit with the patriarchy." After all, it's by finally breaking the rules that Esther saves her people, and ironically, despite having banished Vashti for her disobedience and chosen Esther as a suitably docile replacement, Ahasuerus obeys Esther's will in the end. I admire and sympathize with both women and see Vashti as ultimately vindicated by Esther.
Song I associate with them: Well, it's mainly a song about Haman, not Esther, but I have to choose this popular silly children's song for Purim, "A Wicked, Wicked Man." It's the song I most associate with the holiday.
youtube
Favorite picture of them:
These various paintings.
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Would you be open to talking about in more detail how you have seen the Purim story oversimplified or misrepresented? I just read your post about that and it made me recall going to a “queer Purim” event where the hosts talked a lot about reclaiming Vashti as a trans icon. I’m now looking back at that event with a lot of… questions. I had honestly forgotten about it, but I’m the kind of Jew who gets really bothered when our history and culture is misrepresented, regardless of the reason… in this case, supposed LGBTQ representation and inclusion.
I mean yeah I know what you're talking about and I don't like it. There's so much actual LGBTQ representation in the Tanakh, I hate it when people focus on someone who was literally an antisemite who would torture her Jewish handmaidens. Vashti wasn't a feminist or trans icon.
This is the actual Purim story, unsimplified and unromanticized:
Achashverosh was the king of Persia. He was an antisemite and made a feast celebrating the anniversary of the destruction of the Jewish Temple. He served food in the vessels stolen from the Temple and wore the High Priest's garments. One day during the feast, he got really drunk and started bragging about his wife Vashti's beauty to his friends.
Vashti was a descendent of Nebuchadnezzar, who you'll remember was the one who destroyed the Jewish Temple and took the Jewish people into captivity. She was also an antisemite, and would torture her Jewish handmaidens. When Achashverosh asked her to come out and display herself to his friends, she was insulted because she was technically a superior to Achashverosh. She came from royalty. Achashverosh did not and merely conquered the throne. She refused to listen to Achashverosh and she was killed.
Once sober, Achashverosh realized what he did and regretted it. His advisors convinced him to make a pageant calling for all virgin girls and women to stand before him for him to choose as a wife. When he didn't find anything he liked in the women that came voluntarily, he made it mandatory, and sent out soldiers to kidnap girls and women.
Esther was one of these girls who were kidnapped and taken to the palace. She did not want to marry Achashverosh, and did everything she could to make herself look "unappealing", but it didn't work. Achashverosh chose her to be his wife, and made all the other girls and women he kidnapped his harem.
Mordechai would sit at the gate of the palace all the time hoping to hear news from Esther. One time he overheard two royal guards plotting to kill Achashverosh. He told Esther, who told Achashverosh, who had the guards killed. Mordechai was then written as a praiseworthy man in Achashverosh's book of records.
Haman was one of Achashverosh's advisors. He was also an antisemite. He wore an idol around his neck and made everyone bow down to him when he passed. Mordechai refused because he was Jewish and wouldn't bow down to idols. Haman got really upset. He convinced Achashverosh to let him make an order to kill all the Jews. Achashverosh initially didn't want to do this, not because he cared about the Jews, but because they paid taxes to him. Haman convinced him by paying him the money that would have been lost.
Mordechai and all the Jews found out about this order and started mourning. Mordechai donned sackcloth and ashes and wailed outside the palace. One of Esther's manservants told her about this, and she was horrified, because she didn't know about the order yet and thought Mordechai lost his mind. She sent her manservant to bring him proper clothes, but Mordechai told the manservant to tell her about the order. They had a whole exchange through the manservant, where Mordechai told Esther that maybe the reason she was going through all her misery in the palace is because she can be an inside man to save her people. Esther was reluctant, but agreed to go speak to Achashverosh, but she asked Mordechai to tell everyone to fast on her behalf, because people who entered into the throne room without permission, even the queen, could get killed. Esther also fasted for three days, and then walked into the throne room to speak with Achashverosh. Achashverosh let her speak, and she asked if he and Haman would come to a feast she made in their honour.
Haman and Achashverosh go to the feast. Esther asks them to come back again to another feast. Haman goes back to his family and tells them that he's so happy to be given respect by the king and queen, but he's still pissed off by Mordechai. Haman's wife convinces him to kill Mordechai by hanging, and Haman gets to work erecting a gallows.
And then comes the crux of the story.
On that night, Achashverosh's sleep was disturbed. He asked his servants to read to him from his book of records, and he gets to the page where Mordechai is acknowledged for saving his life. He realizes that he never did anything to thank him. He calls Haman in.
He asks Haman "what should be done to the man that which the king is fond of?" Haman thinks Achashverosh is talking about him, and suggests that the man be dressed in royal robes and paraded around the city on a royal horse, with a crier shouting "thus shall be done to the man that which the king is fond of!"
Achashverosh likes this idea, and tells him to do this for Mordechai. Haman has to go dress Mordechai in royal robes and parade him around the city on a royal horse. He's pissed, but he has to do this.
He gets home, angry, and his family advises him that he's got a bad omen. Then the royal guards come to take Haman to the feast Esther prepared.
At the feast, Achashverosh asks Esther what's really on her mind. She says "I'm upset because my people are going to all be killed." Achashverosh asks "who called for this?" Esther responds "a horrible man. Haman." Achashverosh is incensed and overwhelmed and goes out for a few minutes to breath. While he's out, Haman gets on his hands and knees begging Esther for mercy. Achashverosh steps back inside, and Haman had fallen on top of Esther. He thinks Haman is assaulting Esther, and gets even more mad.
One of Achashverosh's men suggests that they kill Haman and hang him on the gallows he made for Mordechai. They do that.
But the story isn't over. They still have to reverse the decree. Achashverosh gives Mordechai the royal seal, and Mordechai sends out an order telling the Jews they can defend themselves when everyone tries to kill them on the 14th of Adar.
The Jews defend themselves, and hang Haman's sons on gallows. Esther asks Achashverosh if they could have another day to defend themselves, and he says yes reluctantly. The Jews win, and a holiday is established in celebration.
Mordechai is made a vizier by Achashverosh, and he and Esther write the Book of Esther. Achashverosh makes another tax on the people, and Esther gives birth to Achashverosh's son. Years later that son would let the Jews return to Israel to rebuild their Temple. But Esther would never get to leave the palace or be with her people, even after everything.
The Purim story is not a romance. It's a tragedy and war story and a horror story. Because while there were victories, there were still losses.
There are so many other figures in the Tanakh to claim as LGBTQ: Sarah, Yosef, Dina, David, Yonatan, and so many others who aren't antisemites.
This kind of girlboss feminism has honestly rotted people's brains in my opinion. Vashti isn't an icon, and I don't understand why people focus on her when Esther is right there. Esther, who changed her name and hid her identity for years. The queer analogy is right there. We don't need to romanticize an antisemite to tell queer stories. You want a queer, LGBT, trans analogy in the Purim story? Esther is right there.
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Shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people. tagged my @hexgh0ul MWAH
shadow of love / the damned
left of center / suzanne vega
(outing myself as my mother's child)
feeling of release / slow children
bitte bitte / paula carolina.
(this is going to be a 53 fancam at some point)
underneath / paris paloma
(chthonic hearted behavior once again)
coeur croisé / polo & pan
(this song is so fucking good to me.... i've genuinely had it on perpetual repeat lately)
break-a-way / detroit cobras
(this will also be a hockey fc when i figure out who is taking darren helm's place as the guy who can't finish on a breakaway)
the yawning grave / lord huron
(Oh Fuck Yeah Babey)
sleeping in your garden / gia ford
(i can't speak on this further. redacted.)
running up that hill / the wombats
(THIS COVER IS REALLY REALLY GOOD. very gentle autumnal cover.. it reminds me of like, if vashti bunyan covered kate bush almost? + i like these guys. i really am not immune to soggy english boybands sorry)
@svechkin @godturnmeintoaflower @petrichoriess @lakevida @berrytart @morningaerobics @romanced @fangedsaint @othellho @girlhorrror @fragilelimbs 🖤
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Who Got the Kids in the Divorce? Theme Songs
YouTube Playlist (all links below are to YT)
Spotify Playlist (organized by character)
Monkey Fam
The Ballad of Smokin' Joe Rudeboy by Tom Cardy - While the story does not exactly line up with what happens in WGTKITD (obviously), it is hilariously very close, with Wukong being Smokin' Joe, his wife being Macaque, and his long lost daughter being Savage, of course. Some say many years ago, Before Joseph Rudeboy was Smokin' Joe, He had a wife, her name was Bo, Bo was with child in a happy home [...] Joseph Rudeboy was too slow, For a child that he'd never know, Joseph Rudeboy you're too slow, Burning inside Joseph died, But from the ash the man who rose was---Smokin' Joe [...] One day an outlaw came to town, "Come out here Smokin' Joe, You're just as well already dead," He wore a velvet cloak but Joe saw red [...] And as Joe fell, He beheld the outlaw's face, A young girl who'd seen it all, And grew up in a terrible place, Whose mother once told Joseph, To run and bring back help, A girl who thought her father, Had run out to save himself.
Here Before by Vashti Bunyan - This song is Wukong's view towards Rumble (Once I had a child, He was wilder than moonlight, He could do it all, Like he'd been here before), then Savage (Once I had a child, She was smiling like sunshine, She could see it all, Like she'd been here before), and, finally, MK (Then I had a child, Took his while like northern summer, And he knows it all, Like he's been here before), and how he lost the Eclipse Siblings and fears loosing MK too.
The Truth from 36 Questions - This is literally just a song about how many different views of truth there is to the tale of the Monkey Family---how each one of them views it differently, and how they chose to hide or distort the truth. Generally, I interpret the two singers as Rumble and Savage, speaking about each other and about their parents, and perhaps both of them are speaking to MK. And what’s true for you, Doesn’t have to be true forever, And sometimes the truth isn’t always, For the better, It’s something that we aspire to
Or maybe, that’s something we say, Until it gets in the way [...] But the truth is, The truth doesn’t exist in, Black and white, And sometimes two sides, Can both be right [...] The truth is that you will never really know, The truth is that you will only think you know.
Too Far by ChaoticCanineCulture - This song can represent each member of the Monkey Family, as they all have moments where they "went too far, leaving scars." Generally, Wukong and Rumble are the more openly "guilty" parties and therefore fit the song more, but Macaque (especially Macaque) and Savage both hold a lot of guilt too. Looking inside my mind I see the truth, I was always the one who tormented you, This was my choice, my evil doing, 'Cause I died inside when you stop moving [...] There's no excuse for what I did to you.
Crazy Human Psycho Crush (mashup) by doodleoodle - The chaotic intertwining of multiple different stories/viewpoints fits the Monkey Fam perfectly. Oh, and I know, and I know, and I know that I've been acting so strange, But you should know that you're the one who made me this way, I'm a psycho just like you said I'd be [...] I feel like all of this has aged me, Right on the edge of twenty-two, You look like you've just seen a monster, Is that what I look like to you? [...] 'Cause I'm so sick of the drama and I hate to shout, But you drag it out of me [...] You can't love someone and just let go, And yeah, I know that I'm a little bit intense, right, But can you blame me when you keep me on the fence, like, (Three words, two hearts, one maybe
Say something before I go crazy now)
Runs in the Family by Amanda Palmer - It runs in the family, what can I say? Mostly the speakers of the song would be Rumble and Savage equally. Mary, have mercy, Now look what I've done, But don't blame me because I can't help where I come from, And running is something that we've always done well and mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from, Run from their pity, from responsibility, Run from the country and run from the city, I can run from the law, I can run from myself, I can run for my life, I can run into debt, I can run from it all, I can run 'till I'm gone, I can run for the office, and run for the cause, I can run using every last ounce of energy, I cannot, I cannot, I cannot run from my family, They're hiding inside me, corpses on ice, Come in if you'd like but just don't tell my family, They'd never forgive me, they say that I'm crazy, But they would say anything if it would, Shut me up.
Shadowpeach
Peach by The Front Bottoms - Self-explanatory. You are my peach, you are my plum, You are my earth, you are my sun [...] Once I sink my teeth, your skin's not so tough, I'll leave a tiny cut, there'll be a lot of blood, But once you wipe it up, You will feel better about our entire situation.
No Children by The Mountain Goats - Self-explanatory. I am drowning, There is no sign of land, You are coming down with me, Hand in unlovable hand, And I hope you die, I hope we both die.
First Burn from Hamilton - Macaque's PoV. The implied cheating can be replaced instead with Wukong listening to Azure over Macaque's warnings about the battle. Heaven forbid someone whisper, "He's part of some scheme," Your enemy whispers, So you have to scream, I know about whispers [...] If you thought you were mine (mine, mine), Don't.
Red Like Roses Part II by Jeff Williams - Macaque (red): I wasn't dreaming when they told me you were gone, I was wide awake and feeling that they had to be wrong, How could you leave me when you swore that you would stay? Now I'm stuck inside a nightmare every single effing day [...] I know you didn't plan this, You tried to do what's right, But in the middle of this madness, I'm the one (I'm the one) you left to win this fight.
Wukong (white): I know you're broken down by anger and by sadness, You feel I left you in a world that's full of madness, Wish I could talk to you, if only for a minute, Make you understand the reasons why I did it, I wanna tell you that you're all that ever mattered, Want you to know that for eternity I'm shattered, I tried so hard just to protect you but I failed to, And in a prison of abandonment I've jailed you, I never planned that I would leave you there alone, I was sure that I would see you when I made it back home. [...] I didn't have a choice, I did what I had to do, I made a sacrifice but forced a bigger sacrifice on you.
This is Love by Air Traffic Conditioner - Both Wukong and Macaque could be perceived as singing this at different moments. There is an implication that their fates are forever horrible interconnected as they always come back to one another despite it all. You're no good, you're no good, You could kill me and you should, I'm an idiot for thinking, This was anything but blood, On the wall, on the couch, On the corner of my mouth, You must like being the victim, You've done nothing to get out, Of this pattern of pain, Washed away by the rain, You'll forgive me if I promise, And do nothing but the same, This is life until death, Could be my last dying breath, But this is love, love, shut up, this is love [...] It's pathetic, I know, A jealous fool who won't let go, If I was sorry for my actions, Would I ever stoop so low?
Goodbye Old Friend by The Devil Makes Three - Fairly self-explanatory. Wukong and Macaque can both be the singer, reminiscing on their complex relationship of love and hatred. I need you and I want you 'cause I know you from before, I hate you and I fear you but I hold open the door, I see you and you see me and we know what must be done, So we draw knives and lock eyes 'cause it does no good to run. [...] I've missed you, you know that's true and I've retraced every scar, [...] I chased you to embrace you like the sun chases the moon, I burn you and you burn me but I know I'll see you soon [...] I've held you and you've loved me but our lives cannot be spared, I trust you and despised you, shadowed your every move, Scorned you and warned you, befriended everyone you've used.
Old Friends by Ylvis - The calm reveal of someone being twisted ("I'm aiming at the kids") reflects nicely on Wukong and Macaque's relationship post-fire where Wukong was shocked to see what had happened to Macaque and how Macaque was simultaneously so calmly cunning yet unstoppably demented. Their respective "wives" in the song is the other one, simply their past selves before the battle/the fire. And he threw a rock, So I threw a rock, We both put some gravel in a sock, And he threw the sock, I said we should stop, He smiled at me then threw a rock in a sock. [<-these lines are about how they both keep fighting] [...] Oh [Macaque], oh [Macaque], don't you worry bout me now, I'm doing just fine on my own, There are other things to life than your soft skin against mine, And [Tripitaka] is helping me move on, I'm moving on.
Genghis Khan by Miike Snow - A song about how possessive, jealous and selfish Shadowpeach are of to one another. I know there's no form, And no labels to put on, To this thing we keep [...] 'Cause I don't really want you, girl, But you can't be free, 'Cause I'm selfish, I'm obscene [...] I wanna make up my mind, But I don't know myself, No I don't know myself [...] I get a little bit Genghis Khan, I don't want you to get it on, With nobody else but me.
Kiss With a Fist by Lungs - Self-explanatory. Shadowpeach's relationship is all about hurting the other. It's romantic! You hit me once, I hit you back, You gave a kick, I gave a slap, You smashed a plate over my head, Then I set fire to our bed, oh [...] I broke your jaw once before, I spilled your blood upon the floor, You broke my leg in return, So sit back and watch the bed burn, Love sticks, sweat drips, Break the lock if it don't fit [...] A kick in the teeth is good for some, A kiss with a fist is better than none.
Kiss Me You Animal by Burn the Ballroom - Self-explanatory. Another song about how Shadowpeach just can't keep their hands off each other, and how they love to see the other hurt. You say you wanna tear right through me, I welcome you to try (Kiss me, kiss me), I wanna see your teeth girl lemme see you grind, yeah, Woah [...] Kiss me you animal, I need to take you in real slow, Cause dying on your lips is how I wanna go, Connect with the sound you're making, Connect with my body whoa, Kiss me you animal and don't ever let me go.
Therapy from tick, tick... BOOM! - Literally listen to it. It is the pinnacle of Macaque and Wukong talking about their miscommunications and struggling to get along yet attempting to. Wukong: I feel bad, that you feel bad, About me feeling bad, about you feeling bad, About what I said, about what you said, About me not being able to share a feeling [...] I was afraid that you'd be afraid, If I told you that I was afraid of intimacy, If you don't have a problem with my problem, Maybe the problem's simply co-dependency [...] I thought, You Thought, I reacted shallowly, When I reacted to you. [...] If I were you and I'd done what I'd done, I'd do what you did when I gave you the ring, Having said what I said.
Macaque: If I thought that what you thought, Was that I hadn't thought about sharing my thoughts, Then my reaction to your reaction, to my reaction, Would have been more revealing [...] Yes, I know, that now you know, That I didn't know, that you didn't know, That when I said, "No," I meant, "Yes, I know," And that now I know that you knew, that I knew you adored me
Both: I'm not mad that you got mad when I got mad, When you said I should go drop dead!
Eclipse Twins
Evelyn Evelyn from Evelyn Evelyn - Self-explanatory, although not technically correct as Savage and Rumble did not grow up "closer than most." In fact, they are closer post-everything than they were as kids. Still, the point stands that they are two siblings who have a lot of differing opinions, perspectives, and arguments. One side struggles with keeping everything perfectly together while the other desperately wants to be free. Rumble (female): I’m only trying to do what is best for us [...] Looking in your eyes, I’m coming home [...] Now I realize, I’m not alone [...] But you never cared for me [...] ‘Cause you’d never dare to be [...] ‘Cause you never listen, you’re always insisting, I’m just reminiscing, I feel something missing, I just want you here with me, God can’t we just get along?
Savage (male): Well, I never asked for this, I never wanted this, All that I want is some time to myself [...] Just get away from me, please just stop touching me, You’re always trying to be somebody else [...] Well, you’re only scared of me [...] Why don’t you let me free? [...] ‘Cause you never listen, you’re always insisting, just stop reminiscing, I feel something missing, I just want my privacy, God won’t you leave me alone!
Wake Up by ChaoticCanineCulture - The song starts with Savage singing about how "they" (Macaque, Rumble) are haunting the halls and "killing her," and how she can't take the demand of killing her own father. My brother i'm begging you please understand, When I cry, I really can't take the demand, Oh they're killing me. Rumble continues the song as he finds himself just as lost and haunted as his sister, but with a flavor of self-torment. These dreams are made of things, I can't deny, I cannot flee, They're constantly tormenting me, can't close my eyes tonight. Then, the song ends with them begging to be saved. Wake up wake up, they're here, Please won't someone just save me?
Wukong's
Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives - Relatively self-explanatory. Wukong reflects on how his love only ever brought pain to others so he shouldn't get too close to them. It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest, With this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful [...] There are times when I still wonder about you, You are someone I have loved, but never known, And you'll never see the reasons I had, For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you, I am selfish, I am broken, I am cruel, I am all the things they might have said to you, Do you ever think of me and my two hands? And wonder why they never soothed your fevers? [...] And wonder why they never held you gently? And wonder why they never had the chance to lose you?
My Ordinary Life by The Living Tombstone - Fairly self-explanatory. Much like the singer, Wukong reflects on how much he has been given in his life that he might not have necessarily deserved (such as forgiveness), and how out of touch he feels with reality sometimes. Do you feel me? Take a look inside my brain, The people always different but it always feels the same [...] The haters wanna hurt me and I'm laughin' at the pain [...] They tell me that I'm special, I smile and shake my head, I'll give them stories to tell friends about the things I said, They tell me I'm so humble, I say, "I'm turning red," They let me lie to them and don't feel like they've been misled, They give so much to me, I'm losing touch, get me? [...] The people blend together but I would be lost without their love, Can you heal me? Have I gained too much? When you become untouchable, you're unable to touch, Is there a real me? Pop the champagne, It hurts me just to think and I don't do pain.
I'm Your Man by Mitski - Completely inspired by this animatic, which will give you all the context to the lyrics you need. I'm sorry I'm the one you love, No one will ever love me like you again, So when you leave me, I should die, I deserve it, don't I? [...] People always gave me love, Others were never to blame after all, You believe me like a god, I'll betray you like a man.
Against the Kitchen Floor by Will Wood - Wukong apologizes for not being able to be as affectionate and trusting as he used to be, but promises he wants to do better for his family and friends, and Macaque. It just don't come natural to me to think that you'd want me for me, I swear, I'm really trying, Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best, I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet, I still don't know who you are, I only know that I'm still lonely, That morbid sort where even company can't cure me, And the more you reassure, the less I trust [...] I've lived more lives than enough, I haven't died quite as much, But I'm not a real person, just the shit you can't make up [...] I'm catatonic in your arms, Crying, "How did I cause so much harm?" I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor, Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours [...] I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress, I promise, I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible, I swear, I'm so fucking sorry, I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all, But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all.
You Were Perfect & I'm Sorry by Mickey Darling - Very much a reflection of the title itself---Wukong believes Macaque deserved everything and is sorry he ruined everything, but with a self-deprecating egotistical twist to it. You were perfect and I'm so sorry, I'm such a dick, But you still love me, I still regret letting you leave me, Don't you forget you used to need me [...] How can I love someone that can't stand, The thought of loving me back? Why do I think I need that? [...] I remember what you said, You were wishing I was dead, Now, you're wishing me the best, 'Cause my song's stuck in your head.
Feed My Ego by Mickey Darling - Wukong mourning the relationship he lost, but make it self-deprecating egotistical again. I hurt u, For selfish reasons, U are all, I ever needed, needed, needed [...] U would be so good without me, happily, Nobody could ever be as, sad as me, All i need is compliments please, constantly, I make people think i’m happy, comedy.
HEAVEN SAYS. (remix) by GamePlayah - Wukong atones for his sins on the journey, slowly converting and accepting the pain from the fillet as his punishment. Now spell sinner: F-R-I-E-N-D-S
Wrong! The correct spelling is Y-O-U, Just let go, Your past is sinful, Stop standing up, You can’t escape. [...] Answer for your crimes, Beg for mercy.
It's Been So Long by The Living Tombstone - Self-explanatory. Wukong mourns the death of his kids, and seeks revenge on their killer (Erlang Shen), though Tripitaka reminds him killing isn't justified. Justification is killing me, But killing isn't justified, What happened to my son? I'm terrified, It lingers in my mind, And the thought keeps on getting bigger, I'm sorry my sweet baby, I wish I'd been there.
the last beautiful thing I saw is the thing that blinded me by Paris Paloma - Despite the misleading title, this song is Wukong's perspective on Macaque's second death at his hands, albeit in a theatric, poetic, solemn way that is more Macaque's style. The moment of Macaque's death and imprisonment was difficult, and Wukong cut himself off from feeling anything ("blinding" himself). The dove represents Macaque and how he "became a demon," but the fact that "somebody else" killed her reveals the story is made-up and Wukong feels a disconnection from reality. I came across an injured dove, I wanted to put her out of her misery, There came no signal from above, No sign, no guide, I thought "whatever could this mean?" And with my hand I picked her up, And in that moment, oh it shifted magically [...] Because I wanted all of it to stop, And I didn't know how to tell you, I didn't know how [...] And I looked up, into the sun, It separated all the colors, And the ice, into my eyes, It fell and left me blind.
Used to be Young by Miley Cyrus - Wukong reflects on his younger years, both the good and the bad, and how people still believe he should be how he used to be. I know I used to be crazy, Messed up, but, God, was it fun, I know I used to be wild, That's 'cause I used to be young, Those wasted nights are not wasted, I remember every one, I know I used to be crazy, That's 'cause I used to be young, You tell me time has done changed me, That's fine, I've had a good run
I know I used to be crazy, That's 'cause I used to be young.
Macaque's
The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives - Self-explanatory. Macaque always felt like Wukong's shadow, and wished he could have been seen as more than what he was, and that he hadn't followed Wukong so blindly. The moon will sing a song for me, I loved you like the sun, Bore the shadows that you made, With no light of my own, I shine only with the light you gave me [...] (I could've been anyone, anyone).
iGhost by MNQN - Macaque talks both fondly and angrily about how all he ever was was Wukong's "Van Gogh" (the painting, and the artist), and how he fears getting hurt again by getting too close. You fooled me once, You fooled me twice, again, I had a hunch, That it was all pretend [...] I'm hypnotised, You're telling lies again, You were my life, And now you're not my friend [...] I'll play it safe, I cannot be broken, I've been erased and now I'm gone again [...] The senses deceive us from time to time, And it is prudent never to trust wholly those, Who have deceived us even once, But yet, I still come back.
taking a stand by updog - Macaque lamenting to Wukong how he was neglected, ignored, and pushed aside, and how he won't stand for it anymore. And no amount of words could ever fix the damage done, No matter how much you ignore it wont come undone, Hard to blame you when you acted out of cowardice [...] Picturing your end, I will not pretend that, It might feel so sweet, You left me no option. 'Cause this scar it never healed, All the hurt will be revealed.
The Ballad of Lucy Gray Baird from The Hunger Games - Macaque tells the tale of how he and Wukong grew up, then grew apart, and questions what Wukong would do when he was gone. Well, all right, I'm bad, but then, you're no prize either, All right, I'm bad, but then, that's nothing new, You say you won't love me, I won't love you neither, Just let me remind you what I am to you [...] It's sooner than later that I'm six feet under, It's sooner than later that you'll be alone, So who will you turn to tomorrow, I wonder, For when the bell rings, lover, you're on your own.
taixu (ネジ巻き師と太虚鳥) by Iasah - This one is more symbolic, fitting Macaque's love of theatre. The white crow and black crow represent Macaque's selves, but also his fates (Which of the crows told you the truth? [...] The crows were both myself, Or was it you?). The song reflects on how he used to perceive that he and Wukong were destined to do great things together, but then it became that only Wukong was destined and Macaque, "was not chosen." The list of deaths is both literal and metaphorical, representing, in order: The first end came so suddenly, You couldn't say goodbye to me (his death in the fire; literal), The tenth end came with agony, I thought that we were meant to be (Wukong killing him; literal), The hundredth end was simply just, An apathetic day for me (the resurrections of the Eclipse Sibs; literal), The thousandth end was ecstasy, The people begged for me to bleed (the failure of killing Wukong; metaphorical), The millionth end was vanity, I thought I saw you smile at me (Possessed!Wukong fighting Macaque; metaphorical). By the end of the song, Macaque has realized his life is up to him to choice (I killed the crow that tried deceiving,
"No, the world is up to me!").
Pomegranate Lips by Derivakat - Macaque would make this his self-assigned theme song because it's cool and mysterious, which he thinks he is, and also all about how someone screwed him over but he's better than them. Been through nine circles of hell, even dragged some people down, I can cut right through a soul with a snap, don't need a spell, So what gave you the right? I'm the queen of death and life, Whether you like it or not [...] So bite your tongue and watch your back, Show some respect or you'll get a taste of these, Pomegranate lips.
Tool by Derivakat - Macaque spitefully believes that Wukong only ever sought to use him like a tool. So I'll cut you off once, you say try, try again, I'm ghosting you twice, you still claim I'm your friend, You set me on fire three times, now I'm done, 'Cause you lit the fuse, and you loaded the gun [...] I'm done with your lies, and I'm done with your games, So cry all about it and I'll take the blame.
Eden by Derivakat - Opposite to the anger in Tool, this "version" of Macaque is much calmer, though sadder, about how he believes Wukong never cared about him, though he believes it wasn't necessarily Wukong's intention. We were living in a garden made for two, But two is one too many and he doesn't understand, When he crushes all the flowers that I grew, I want him off this land [...] 'Cause he's nothing but a liar, Caught up in his own desire, He started this fire, so let him fall in flames, You know he's the one to blame [...] Kick him out of paradise, Finally he'll realize, Too late to apologize to Eden, To Eden, to Eden.
Mrs. Bluebeard by They Might Be Giants - Macaque laments bitterly on how he never should have trusted Wukong, and how the world is cruel. I want to say I learned something valuable today, Alas, my murdered remains are incapable of learning anything, Trusted you, I should have never trusted you, In fact I never did, What's the use [...] Most people wouldn't hang the corpses up for review, Dearest, I can only hope most people are nothing like you [...] Is this how you thank somebody, For their selfless loyalty? Is this what you do? Pardon me for failing to grasp how this works, Excuse my breathtaking ignorance.
The Haunting by Set It Off - Macaque talks about how he suffered and how he will torment Wukong for the rest of his existence. So you dragged me by my feet, To a ghost town, where you buried me, No wonder no one heard my screams [...] Run away, boy, if you couldn't tell, Baby's got a thirst for blood [...] Catch a lover, turn an enemy, Just to watch them burn alive [...] No one will love you like I did, Will treat you like I did, So go on, wear that scarlet letter, No one will love you like I did, Will touch you like I did, So good luck finding something better.
Problematic by BoyWithUke - Macaque sings about how Wukong broke his heart and his trust. Why did you love me so? Watch me as I let you go? Told you that I'm better off alone without you in my home, I let you in my heart, let you back into my arms, Fool for thinking we could make it faking every single part, I thought that maybe you could be the final fucking remedy, The one to pull me out if I were ever stuck inside a dream, I'm looking back at times we had, the things we did and things we can't, How could you stab me in the back? I thought you were better than that.
You're Going Down by Sick Puppies - A good ol' battle song between Shadowpeach. The singer is Macaque rather than Wukong here as the singer laments that the fight is no longer worth it, yet he can't let go and must keep fighting. Let's take a trip down memory lane (do you remember me?), The words circlin' in my brain (look what you did to me), You can treat this like another, all the same, But don't cry like a bitch when you feel the pain [...] This is hardly worth fighting for, But it's the little petty shit that I can't ignore, When my fist hits your face and your face hits the floor, It'll be a long time comin', Bet you got the message now, 'Cause I was never goin', Yeah, you're the one that's going down!
Hermit the Frog by Marina and the Diamonds - While its also a Savage song, the romantic undertones push it towards Macaque. This song reflects Macaque's conflicted mental state post-family-break-up, where he's started to recover himself a little bit, but still feels this hatred inside of himself. Yeah, I feel it coming on
When I've been static for too long, And an explosion comes in time, Before I go and cross the line [...] Well, I went to the doctors believing, The devil had control over me and, I was finding it hard to breathe in, Finding it hard to fight the feeling [...] You can take your double standard love and keep it, I can't help the devil likes to make my heart a double bed.
Villain by Bella Poarch - Macaque sings about how he'll be the villain, but make it flirty. I'll be the villain tonight, I kinda like when you despise me after we fight, (Feels so much better when I'm), Pushin' all your buttons 'til you're crawlin' on the floor, You say you hate my guts, but you're still coming back for more [...] What's you and I without a little pain? Tastes bittersweet each time you say my name, If love was poison, we would drink it anyways, Feels so good playing these wicked little games.
SAY THAT YOU MISS ME by Mickey Darling - Macaque both taunts Wukong for what he did (Hey necrophiliac what are you doing? I said why are you trying to fuck me, If I am dead to you?) and demands an answer from Wukong, not willing to honestly admit that he misses what they had, instead hiding behind anger. I said "you broke my heart," You said "boo hoo," I said "I'm going to leave," You said "please do," I said "I hated you," You said "me too" [...] It's harder than you think finding someone for me, That could ever compete with somebody like you, I cant help that I hate every fucking girl I date, Cause it always feels the same, like im cheating on you, Hate that I have to say, babe, I made a mistake, Thinking anybody could have ever been you, They'll never be you.
Hell and You by Amigo the Devil - A song portraying Macaque's obsession with Wukong, be it in love or as enemies, or something twistedly in-between. Cause I'd rot in hell with you, If you'd just ask me to, I love the shitty things we do together, Live with me in this sin forever, Hell and you, I know you want it too [...] I'd crawl in bed with you, Even on someone else's blood on top of someone else's love, In the worst motel we find, Cause home is the last place that I'd stand to be with anyone but you.
Cannibal by Naethan Apollo - Another song about how Macaque is obsessed with Wukong, even when he hurts him, as he struggles to choose between leaving him alone entirely or continuing to seek his attention. Think I got the message, Thought our love was destined, But it's more like a death wish, A guarantee for misery [...] Tell me when I overreact, No, tell me again, please, I love being told what to do, But only when I'm told by you, At least, that's what I used to think, But nowadays, I'm on the brink.
The Red Means I Love You by Madds Buckley - Another song about Macaque being obsessed with Wukong, but this time it's set when he truly was obsessed with him---post-fire, post-imprisonment, post-resurrections. This Macaque can't see clearly at all, and is obsessed with making Wukong bleed if it's the only way to feel close to him. They say such a shame, I turned out this way, A maniac, Well, yeah, I get manic when I cause a panic, And of course, I'm excited when I see you around [...] You leave me high and dry, A rush comes to my mind at the drops, Of blood you leave behind, Run as you might, my love will never, ever, Stop.
TERRIBLE THINGS by Axie - This song follows the degraded mental state of "zombie" Macaque, post-Eclipse Sibs' resurrection, and how he knows he is doing terrible things, but that he cannot bring himself to feel anything remorseful, until time goes on, and things start changing inside him. This song also lists his deaths: 30 years with torture you can’t comprehend (the fire), 40 years, they’re seeking for means to an end (killed and imprisoned by Wukong), 50 years attached onto puppeteer strings (the Eclipse Sibs' resurrection, and his subsequent debt to LDB). The song begins to hint towards Macaque regretting and wanting to be free near the end. I just want to die, yeah, So please just let me die!, I’m undefeatable, I'm thriving, ‘Cause I know a thing or two when it comes to being killed, It’s oh so very painful, And I don’t want it to happen again, and again, and again!
Savage's
Catabolic Seed by The Scary Jokes - Savage feels lost and hopeless after everything that's happened to her, and she desperately wants to feel like she's in control. That dissipated so fast, seems the good times never last, And I always fall flat on my back, like an upside-down cat, But is bad luck really such a crime? [...] I want to destroy everything that's mine [...] (I'm safe, I'm whole, I've got it under control), My structure's compromised, (I'm safe, I'm whole, I've got it under control), But you still batter at all my fault lines, (And I will protect you even if you won't protect me too), I can't run, I can't hide, but you can't say I didn't try.
Second Child, Restless Child by The Oh Hellos - She was born the second child, though truly she wasn't the restless child---that was Rumble. But the song does reflect how she wanted to run away from it all. And they saw trouble in my eyes, They were quick to recognize the devil in me [...] And Heaven knows how hard I tried, But the devil whispered lies I believed [...] You've got to go on, further than you've ever gone, You've got to run far from all you've ever known.
Shared Eyes by Blixemi - Savage laments about how misunderstood she is and how mistreated she was by her family, and how much she simultaneously wants to hurt them and wants their attention. I figured this would be, A great time to misunderstand me [...] I used to beg and plead, But you sit there ever silently, 'Cause you can't hear it, Won't stand to hear it [...] I'm not who you think I am, If you think of me at all [...] You've let hate blossom, Now you cannot recognize [...] I wish your silence came from hate, Then at least I'd know why I'm to blame [...] So fine, I'll find the rage, To scorch out on my own, And in my wreckage, may you burn upon your throne [...] It seems to me, That I have always been the problem, Though I'd wish to solve it [...] I'm not who I think I am, When you think you've seen it all, In this frozen state of apathy, I've blossomed with every flaw, To hate I've fallen, And I now can't recognize, Your eyes that you despise [...] This feels wrong, It's not playing out right, How am I colder now, Upon a bridge I chose to ignite? [...] You close your eyes but open mine, I hate the way you make me hate myself for sharing eyes, You're not who you think you are, And I wish I never knew, I don't want to see the irony, That you hate me for being you.
Play With Fire by Sam Tinnesz - Savage copes with lighting fires, and she likes being dramatic. This song would be her jam. Let a girl be edgy and cringey. Insane, inside, The danger gets me high, Can't help myself, Got secrets I can't tell, I love the smell of gasoline, I light the match to taste the heat, I've always liked to play with fire.
Dead Mom from Beetlejuice - Savage sings to her Alive Dad, Wukong. Alternative lyrics can be found in the comment section on WGTKITD... somewhere. And no one sees me, Nothing seems to fit, Mamma is this it? Are you receiving? I want something to believe in or I'm done.
Already Dead by KittenSneeze - Savage talks about how she felt almost "possessed" by Macaque and Rumble as they forced her to fight and attempt to kill her own father, and how, now, she can't tell what she does or doesn't want anymore. I woke up in a daze, My mind in a haze, The smell of devastation lingers, What did he make me do? Or did I want to? I can't get the blood off my fingers [...] You don't need to believe me but just understand, That you can't get too close, Not with what I have planned [...] Do any of you know what it's like to walk through the fire? Know how to fight the crushing desire?
Go with a knife to do what's required? I'm already dead since you got in my head!
Daddy's Little Monster by TryHardNinja - As the title suggests, Savage pleads for others to understand that she doesn't want to be cruel, she's just "daddy's little monster," referring to Macaque (for the most part). She wants to start anew, but feels like she's kept in a prison, especially as she looks at herself and remembers what she looks like now... Please don't be afraid, we're a little bent, Broken souls looking for a way to start again [...] You need us, we need you, it'll be alright, Yeah, it's alright, We don't want to stay under lock and key, You can help break the curse, we all wanna leave [...] If we could only shed our shells, Wear a mask and escape these cells, On the surface, we could start new.
Miss Wanna Die by JubyPhonic - Savage isn't exactly about being resurrected, and she isn't happy with her life... She would resonate with this song a lot. It both fits her character, and is a song she would listen to. Ah wanna die, wanna die, But don't really wanna die, You were there, you would care, Making me aware, Every scar, all the blood, More and more, they’re never done, Not enough, not enough, Ah wanna die, wanna die, But don't really wanna die, If I died, you would cry, And I don't know why [...] I wanna live, wanna live, Deep inside I've always been, Reaching out for a hand, so don’t let this be the end.
The Devil Within by Digital Daggers - Let's be real, this is how Savage sees herself, or wants to see herself. Cool, mysterious, dangerous... But really she's just angry. And dangerous. But, the song's vibes still stand---she wants to hurt others and protect herself. I made myself at home, In the cobwebs and the lies, I'm learning all your tricks, I can hurt you from inside, I made myself a promise, You would never see me cry, 'Til I make you [...] I'm gonna make you suffer, This hell you put me in, I'm underneath your skin, The devil within [...] Look what you made of me, Now I'm the heavy burden that you can't bear.
Rumble's
Sin Triangle by Sidney Gish - Rumble desperately wants to be like everybody else, but struggles with his own inner demons as he tries to fit in and be cool as a young demon, and then struggles with rebuilding his family as he feels guilty for destroying it in order to get what he'd wanted. Two-faced bitches never lie, And therefore I never lie, Diagram this sin triangle for me tonight, because, I don't know what to say, A sickness by another name, Wouldn't be sweet either but, With luck, it would at least look much more tame [...] Bill Woodruff here has something on his mind, He wants something, In fact [...] You want certain things from other people and your environment, The way you go about getting those things, Reveals your personality [...] Did you ever want, so much, To make a good impression on someone? What did you do? How accepted was your personality? Did you ever feel alone, out of place, When you wanted very much to be part of the group?
¿Viva la Gloria? (Little Girl) by Green Day - On the inside, Rumble is cracking under the knowledge of everything he did to harm (manipulate, deception, double-crossing) his family. He feels like a stray without a home. Little girl, little girl, Why are you crying? Inside your restless soul, Your heart is dying [...] There is no place like home, When you got no place to go [...] Little one, little one, The sky is falling, Your lifeboat of deception, Is now sailing [...] Your bloodshot eyes, Will show your heart of treason, Little girl, little girl, You dirty liar, You're just a junkie, Preaching to the choir [...] The traces of blood, Always follow you home, Like the mascara tears, From your getaway, You're walking with blisters, And running with shears, So unholy.
Icicles by The Scary Jokes - Rumble convinces himself of his self-entitlement; that he is better than everyone else. He is jealous of what everyone else has, both in past and present. He hates having to always be the one to "play nice." But, at the same time, his flaws (The one where you are crying, And I don't do anything at all, directly referring to his treatment of Savage) are catching up, and he can't stay on the pedestal he put himself on forever. Get in your zone, don't even look at them at all, Their shallow observations will only stall the transformation, You've become art, how could they even start to see, Beyond your presentation when they've got no imagination? [...] I can only be forgiven if I'm giving myself up to you, On a silver serving tray, Must I bare myself to the stabbing of your knife and gnashing teeth, While our lovely company appears so entertained? [...] My world has turned so cold, but I won't cry, 'Cause icicles don't soften when they die, So why should I?
Soup Song by Nep - Rumble has very mixed feelings towards his family, and he struggles under the weight of being the "good one" when no one else will try. I hate you and I loved you for a very long time, I do not share any more, I'd ask you how'd you do if I was feeling kind, I do not dare anymore, My mom got a new job, and my dad's doing just fine, I do not mind anymore [...] If I had a tendency to yell, Your ears would be numb, If I had it in me to tell you off, You would be done, I'm not used to feeling so down and so dumb, Guess I thought that I was lovable, Kinda thought that I was lovable [...] I put my head down, and you stepped on my neck, I cannot take any more.
Smokey Eyes by Lincoln - Rumble desperately wants to bring his family back together, and struggles through his emotions with how difficult it is. The song also has implications towards his struggles with addictions and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Some people want to be your friend, Some people just want to be free, And the worst thing about me, Is that I’m somewhere in between, I might miss you, But I’m still trying to get clean [...] Quiet lies that you’re telling to, Those black and screaming skies [...] This is not what all my idols told me college would be like, I hope someday you learn to take your own advice [...] So help me make amends with all my friends, Most other people are just dead ends, There’s nothing worse than making friends.
How Did You Love by Shinedown - Rumble would totally sing this family to his family, specifically his parents, questioning, "how did you love?" and what they left behind. You can try to fight it, just like every other careless mistake, How do you justify? I'm mystified by the ways of your heart, With a million lies, the truth will rise to tear you apart [...] Nothing ever feels the quite same when you are what you dreamed, And you will never look at anything the same when you see what I see, How we forget ourselves, lose our way from the cradle to the grave [...] No one gets out alive, every day is do or die, The one thing you leave behind, Is how did you love, how did you love?
#who got the kids in the divorce#lego monkie kid#shadowpeach#sun wukong#monkey king#six eared macaque#six-eared macaque#lmk#liu er mihou#older cubs au#wgtkitd?#wgtkitd#fanfic#lmk fanfic#lmk au
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wayward - a toto wolff x susie wolff one-shot
After the Formula E season ends, Susie has stepped down from her role as CEO of Rokit Venturi Racing as they become Maserati MSC Racing. She’s been in transitional periods in her life before, but something about this one is keeping her up at night.
Word count: 2.1k
Warnings: none, it’s just pure, tooth-rotting fluff
Author’s note: I’ve been living alone for a few weeks now and I think it’s starting to get to me. Anyway, I want what these two have.
Didn't want to be the one
The one who's left behind
While the other one goes out to life
And comes back home to find
Me sitting pretty happily
Surrounded by a house
With cups in all their saucers
And not a bit of dust
Vashti Bunyan, “Wayward”
Susie Wolff was not having a good night.
She was in the throes of insomnia. She checked her phone after a few hours of fruitlessly trying to sleep. 1:39 a.m.
She sighed, trying to remember what time she and Toto had to be ready for the crew from Bloomberg to be there in the morning for an interview over breakfast - they were giving a joint interview for the company’s YouTube channel, and then Toto would be jetting off tomorrow to go to the Netherlands for another Grand Prix. She had just gotten back from Las Vegas herself a few days ago, and still hadn’t quite recovered from the time change.
She’d had an amazing vacation over the F1 summer break with her husband, Toto, and her son, Jack. They’d gone to Porto Cervo, in Sardinia, one of their favorite places in the world. They’d spent plenty of time on the beach, ate their fill of delicious food and drank plenty of amazing wine, went water skiing, snorkeling, hung out on their friend’s yacht, and came back relaxed and ready for the rest of the Formula 1 season. It was two weeks of absolute bliss, but reality had to barge back in eventually, like it always did.
At the end of the Formula E season, Susie had announced that she was stepping down from her role as CEO of the Rokit Venturi Racing team, as they were changing ownership and no longer using Mercedes power units. Due to her connections to Mercedes, and Mercedes selling their Formula E team to McLaren, it just seemed like a good time to back out. But still, she kept wondering if it was actually the right choice. That was one thing on her mind - for the first time in a while, she’d be without a full-time job, other than being a housewife and mom.
Sure, she had her foundation and nonprofit work, she had the work she did with the FIA, she had occasional speaking engagements, and she had options and offers open to her, but nothing that really grabbed her and gave her the motivation that she’d felt when she’d stepped in to being the Team Principal of Venturi.
For now, she decided to just take some time to herself. The last time she’d taken time off was when she was pregnant with Jack, but even then, she occasionally did race commentary for Channel 4 in the UK.
Speaking of Jack, that was the other thing… he had been extra needy that day, extra clingy. Susie found herself feeling “touched out”. The only time she’d been alone that day was when she’d gone to the bathroom, and it left her feeling irritable after she was trying to do something simple earlier that day and Jack practically wouldn’t let go of her leg. It took everything in her to not snap at him, to tell her to leave her alone for a few minutes. That, of course, made her feel guilty because she adored her son, and knew that there would come a day where her son wasn’t quite as keen on spending time with her, so she should enjoy it while she could. But that just compounded the guilt.
Susie gave up on trying to sleep, getting up from bed. She glanced at the sleeping form of her husband. She envied him, almost - as much pressure and stress as he faced every day, he always seemed to be able to fall asleep quickly and easily. Maybe it was the fact that he traveled so much and went through so many time changes and just had more practice. She touched his shoulder as she walked past, on her way out to the living room. No sense in waking him up with her tossing and turning, and having them both be exhausted tomorrow.
She stepped into the kitchen to take a moment to make some tea - that would help. There was a nice chamomile blend she thought she had, given to her by a dear friend as a gift, but she found that the tin was empty. She’d already boiled the water and poured it into a mug. She snorted in frustration, settling for the not-as-nice bagged decaf green tea that just came from the grocery store.
“Better than nothing, I guess,” she thought.
She took her cup to the sofa, setting it down on the glass-top coffee table in front of her to let it steep. She gazed out the large windows of their apartment, looking at the streetlights below, and the lights of the boats in Monaco harbor, trying to let her thoughts unravel. After a few minutes, she gave a cursory glance at her phone when she wanted to check the time again. She scrolled through Instagram and Twitter, and noticed that the official Venturi Twitter account was now listed as “Maserati MSG Racing”, and the username was now @Maserati_FE.
Her throat tightened as she scrolled through the company’s twitter timeline, seeing all of the pictures from the last few races of the season, like the Seoul ePrix that she wanted to make it to, but couldn’t.
She paused on a picture of herself, taken at the London ePrix. She was surrounded by a flurry of red, white, and blue confetti, during the podium ceremony. She was smiling, and she remembered the feeling she had at that moment, like she was on top of the world. She was so proud, so happy.
She’d helped to take the team from the back of the Formula E grid to two-time vice world champions, with a victory in the London ePrix. She’d miss the team so much. She was proud of what she’d accomplished. She was especially proud of bringing more women into motorsport by hiring them for jobs on the team, creating the most diverse team in Formula E without sacrificing talent. She’d remember that moment forever, even knowing then that she’d be stepping down soon, and that it would be her last race with the team. Her throat started to tighten, but it was the caption attached to the photo that made her start to cry.
“Thank you @Susie_Wolff 🖤
Thank you for every moment, every memory and for striving to inspire by leading change, empowering the under-represented and daring to be different, helping dreams become a reality.“
It was like there was a pressure valve somewhere inside her that had opened. It didn’t take long before she was crying in earnest. She buried her face in her hands to try and muffle her crying - she didn’t want to wake up Toto and Jack, which would just make her feel more guilty.
She didn’t know how long she’d been crying, before she heard -
“Susie…? Are you okay?”
She heard her husband’s voice, and looked up to see him standing in the doorway to the living room.
He was wearing his boxer briefs and a white t-shirt, and his hair was mussed and wild the way it always was in the mornings. He looked confused, squinting with the small amount of light filtering into the living room from the Monaco skyline. Susie must have woken him up despite her best efforts not to, and just as she thought, it made her feel even more guilty.
“I’m fine, Toto. I’m sorry if I woke you up. Go back to bed. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Toto was already walking toward the couch, squinting a little.
“What are you doing all alone out here - oh, Susie…”, he said, settling down on the couch next to her. “You’ve been crying. What’s wrong? Please, tell me, leibes.”
“It’s nothing, Toto. Just some insomnia. Please, go back to bed.”
“Susie... please,” he said, looking into her face. She could tell that, even in the limited light coming into the windows, his expression was worried and sad.
He touched her shoulder. “Please, let me in. I want to help.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you, Toto. I’m sorry.” Susie said, wiping her eyes a bit. “I know you have a long weekend ahead, and you need your rest, I don’t want to weigh you down with my problems.”
“Susie... I know you bottle things up like this because you feel you’re a burden, but you could never be. I want to help. I care about you, I love you.”
Toto looped his arms around her shoulder, guiding his wife to put her head on his chest.
“It makes me more worried to know that you’re having a hard time and want to suffer alone.”
“I know, but -”
“I know you know, but do you understand? I want to help you. Please, let me.”
“But -”
“Susie… you’re the strongest woman I know, but you don’t have to shoulder your own burdens all of the time. It is okay if you’re not okay, it doesn’t make you any less strong. You know that there is strength in letting yourself be vulnerable. Please, liebes, tell me what’s wrong.”
Susie looked up at Toto’s face. His expression just made her start crying all over again.
Toto ran his hand over his wife’s back, trying to soothe her.
“Shh, shh, I’ve got you. I’m here for you. I’m not going to go anywhere.”
After a few minutes, her sobbing abated.
“Give me your hand, my love.”
Toto took Susie’s left hand in his. The weight of his hand over hers and the weight of his hand on her back, and the solid warmth of his body against hers had a grounding effect on her. She started to calm down a bit.
“That’s it. Breathe with me. Nice and slow. That’s it - long slow breath in… hold it… and out.” Toto said. Susie followed his instructions and started feeling put-together enough to where she could talk.
“I’m sorry. I know. I’ve just got… a lot on my mind.”
She told him everything - about how much she would miss Venturi, about how conflicted she felt about not having her career plans or next move lined up right away, and what that meant for her - her public persona had almost been constructed around the fact that she was a wife, mother, and CEO, but what would taking a step back and just being a wife and mother mean for that?
And of motherhood - she knew from the beginning that there would be hard days where she wished she could shed that mantle, too, but she adored her son. They both did, but there were days she just wanted some time to herself - would she be able to get that if she wasn’t working and traveling?
Toto let her talk, not interrupting unless he needed to ask for clarification on something. The whole time, he kept rubbing her back to soothe her, occasionally planting gentle kisses on her forehead.
When she was done, Toto spoke to her in a quiet, deep voice. He told her what an amazing woman she was, and how that wouldn’t change with her career, or even if she didn’t have one outside the home for a while.
“I don’t expect you to stay home and be a housewife, either. You know that. I will always support you, no matter what you decide to do. But, it might be a nice break for a while, you know? I don’t want you to jump into something right away just because you feel that you have to. Find something that you believe in, that really inspires you.”
And sure enough, eventually, Susie felt her eyelids growing heavy. Her head started drooping a bit against Toto’s chest.
“That’s it. You can sleep if you want to. You deserve to rest, however you can. I’m not going anywhere.”
After a few minutes, Toto carefully shifted, checking to see if his wife had truly fallen asleep. She mumbled a bit, but stayed asleep, almost clinging to his chest.
Very carefully, he gathered his wife up in both of his arms and stood up, making sure not to shift her too much as he carried her across the apartment and back into their bedroom. He carefully laid her on her side of the bed, laying her on her side like he knew she usually liked to sleep. She didn’t wake up, somehow, as he pulled the sheets and comforter over her body. He pressed another kiss to her forehead before climbing into bed next to her.
Toto put his hands around his wife’s waist, snuggling with her. She unconsciously drew closer to him, reaching out for him like it was a reflex, which made Toto’s heart skip a beat.
He kissed her forehead once again.
“I love you so much, Susie.” He murmured into the top of her head. “I’ll always be there for you, whenever you need me. Sleep well, meine liebe."
#toto wolff x susie wolff#f1 fanfic#toto wolff fic#susie wolff fic#toto wolff fluff#married couple#f1 rpf#formula 1 fanfiction#short fic#susie wolff#toto wolff
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I think every human has an animal side to them, but some are so woefully out of touch with it or repress it that they may need a little… help, to bring it out
How does being hunted through the woods and running for your life before being trapped and relentlessly fucked beneath me sound?
#primal/prey#primal play#vashti speaks#lesbian ns/fw#sapphic ns/fw#monsterfucker#terato#lesbian terato
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songs and quotes for the muse
tagged by @shilohgreen
tagging anyone who would like to do this .) tag me so i can have a look at what you write down <3
five SONGS for my muse:
—suntescobar by lor. how would you feel if you were the sunset / sailing alone behind the mountains looking at her / she dances losing her way far from home
—everything matters by aurora. you're part of the dawn where the light comes from the dark / you're a part of the morning and everything matters / and we are, an atom and a star / you're a part of the movement and everything matters
(to me, to me, to me, to me)
—sleeping giants by the crane wives. i feel the mountains, i feel the mountains / shifting under me / the sleeping giants are finally waking / waking finally
—rule #1 - magic by fish in a birdcage. pass it along, pass it along, i'm just the messenger givin' a wake-up call / pass it along, pass it along, i wanna speak to your soul, this is our conversation starter / there is magic in this room, i don't know if you can see it / there is magic in this room, i don't know if you can feel it / it's called love.
—diamond day by vashti bunyan. just another diamond day / just a blade of grass / just another life to live / just a word to say / just another love to give / and a diamond day
five QUOTES for my muse:
"the field that you are standing before appears to have the same proportions as your own life." the field by john berger.
the entirety of the 'my name' chapter of in watermelon sugar by richard brautigan.
"my brother once showed me a piece of quartz that contained, he said, some trapped water older than all the seas in our world. he held it up to my ear. "listen," he said, "life and no escape." plainwater: essays and poetry by anne carson.
“still, a great deal of light falls on everything.” from a letter by vincent van gogh
"be alone, and feel the trees silenty growing. be alone, and see the moonlight outside, white and busy and silent. be quite alone, and feel the living cosmos softly rocking, soothing and restoring and healing." lonely, lonesome, loney - o! by d.h.lawrence
#▻ 𝐸𝑀𝑀𝐴𝑁𝑈𝐸𝐿 、musings ⁽ ˡᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵖᵒᵘʳˢ ᶦᵗˢᵉˡᶠ ⁾#its been a while since i'd done something like this. trying to gather some form of writing juices this way :')
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Submariner Summer 30
Ay mi amigos, it is time for a key edition of #SubmarinerSummer, because here in part 30 we are covering Tales to Astonish #96: Somewhere Stands...Skull Island! Namor faces off Plunderer and his vibra-gun on Skull Island right on the cover; love both figures' sense of motion
Raymond Marais takes over the tale, with Everett pencils and Colletta inks. The Title page gives us Namor back on his throne in Atlantis, ready for another Council of War. Dorma's still voicing her misgivings, though, thinking he's acting in rash hatred.
But Namor can't let go that the "air-breathers" had the temerity to build an undersea city in his territory. He feels its too late for diplomacy and he must act now. Vashti speaks up and reminds him he'd best take care of Plunderer first; Namor agrees, and knows where he is
As a Ka-Zar villain, Plunderer's base is of course in the Savage Land. So, Namor goes towards Antarctic waters since the Savage Land is hidden there. While there he visits the crumbling ruins that was his boyhood home, the previous Atlantis now destroyed, and makes his way to-
-the grave of Princess Fen, his dear beloved mother, the very sight of which threatens to overwhelm him. He attempts to banish the sadness with a happy memory. But he soon recalls instead the city's death and destruction, and her's, at the hands of an attack from the surface
So now we've seen how he lost his first city, his mother, and his memory, though he isn't sure who on the surface is to blame. But the surface keeps pushing, so he feels he must go to war...once Plunderer is taken care of. Before he can, though: Savage Land sea monster attack!
Just then, Dorma arrives, having felt compelled to go where Namor went. Unfortunately, she picks the wrong moment to get closer, as just then Plunderer attacks Namor and she gets caught in the blast radius!
But it takes more than that to stop Namor, especially when he's in the water, much to Plunderer's shock. Just as Namor is about to wrap him up, he reveals he saw Dorma sink from the previous attack and a wild-eyed Namor lays him out before going to her. She's actually fine, but he's angry
She wants to be beside him, but he tells her to return to Atlantis. She wonders if there's something else behind his anger. You ask me, he should keep Action Dorma. Unfortunately by the time Namor returns to the Plunderer, he's laid a trap for our Prince
Um. Plunderer sure knows how to outfit some henchmen, huh? Better rename it from Skull Island to Beefcake Island. At any rate, Plunderer has a scheme in motion because, y'know, villain. Meanwhile, Dorma makes it back to Atlantis, where their screens give a puzzling view of Namor
But the truth is Namor is caught, and the Plunderer's plan is conquest! We are once again at a cliffhanger, Namor Nation.
Once again we see the debate between Dorma and Namor about war, we revisit the site of the Atlantis from the Golden Age comics, go over its destruction, and the loss of one of the key characters in all Namor's history, his mother Fen. Oh, plus a sea monster, and a villain scheme. Quite a full issue, and you see why I called it key right at the start!
But now we look forward, because NEXT we will cover Tales to Astonish #97: The Sovereign And The Savages
#submariner summer#submariner#namor the sub mariner#namor the first#namor of atlantis#namor#lady dorma#dorma#lord vashti#vashti#plunderer#parnival plunder#savage land#princess fen#fen of atlantis#old atlantis#antarctica#marvel comics#marvel#silver age comics
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Moiraine Damodred: a playlist
Geyser (Mitski): Moiraine POV
Paprika (Japanese Breakfast): Moiraine POV
Hebridean Sun (Vashti Bunyan): Moiraine POV
Long & Lost (Florence + the Machine): Moiraine POV
Some things Cosmic (Angel Olson): Moiraine POV
Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart (Mitski): Moiraine POV
Francesca (Hozier): Lan POV
I'd Like to Walk Around in Your Mind (Vashti Bunyan): Moiraine POV
Explanations under the cut:
Geyser:
You're my number one
You're the one I want
And you've turned down
Every hand that has beckoned me to come
and
But I will be the one you need
The way I can't be without you
I will be the one you need
I just can't be without you
This is first on the list, and iirc Mitski wrote it about the unstoppable pull she feels toward her craft. In the same vein, I interpret this as an ode to Moiraine's mission, her reason for living, her guiding light.
Paprika:
Lucidity came slowly
I awoke from dreams of untying a great knot
It unraveled like a braid
Into what seemed were
Thousands of separate strands of fishing line
and
How's it feel to be at the center of magic
To linger in tones and words?
I opened the floodgates
And found no water, no current, no river, no rush
How's it feel to stand at the height of your powers
To captivate every heart?
This is just how I imagine it feels for Aes Sedai to hold Saidar. Also, the imagery at the beginning is so evocative and so relevant.
Hebridean Sun:
Traveling towards a Hebridean sun
To build a white tower in our heads begun
The grass knows, the hills know, we all know
Spring has come, the good fountain flows.
Each hoof fall brings us nearer the land
Of peat and seabirds and silver sand.
I've included almost every lyric in the song. I think the first book in the series begins at springtime/Bel Tine so I like to imagine that it's the journey that Mo/Lan/EF5 begin toward Tar Valon, or maybe just a song for Mo & Lan's travels. The White Tower reference is almost too good. Also, I headcanon Cairhien as having a really unique musical tradition, replete with microtones and lyrics that are akin to poetry.
Long & Lost:
Is it too late to come on home?
Are all those bridges now old stone?
Is it too late to come on home?
Can the city forgive? I hear its sad song.
Every time Moiraine returns to Tar Valon, a city built entirely of dusty stone, it has been years (if not decades). This song simultaneously evokes nostalgia, homesickness, and the awful, underlying knowledge that the city is home no longer.
Some things Cosmic:
Before we draw
My dear, dear friend
I promise you my word
If we should part
My dear, dear love
You know you're in my heart
and
If cosmic force is real at all
It's come between you and I
I want to be naked
I don't mean my body
I don't need my body
I mean, of course Moiraine believes in cosmic force. Fate has separated her from everyone she has ever loved. I thought of this song for when she masks the bond with Lan, leaving him in Fal Dara and taking Rand to the Eye of the World. She wants the bond back as much as Lan does. The moody vocals and dreamy (nightmarish?) atmosphere are also very good for the Blight (the wall of thorns from Sleeping Beauty had to have been an influence. Right?) The end of the song speaks to the nature of a bond (shared vulnerability, a nakedness that doesn't involve the body) as well as Moiraine's conviction re: her imminent death at the Eye. Also, I just love that this song is addressed to a friend. Platonic soulmates 5ever.
Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart:
There's nobody better than you
It took me a while 'til I knew
But you knew from the start it was us, didn't you?
It just took me a while 'til I knew
and
So, I don't blame you
If you want to bury me in your memory
I'm not the girl I ought to be
and
There's some kind of burning inside me
It's kept me from falling apart
And I'm sure that you've seen what it's done to my heart
But it's kept me from falling apart
That last stanza^ is The Mission, but more importantly, the strangeness of that beginning riff absolutely screams "massive breakdown." So I headcanon this song as what goes through Moiraine's head as she executes mental gymnastics convincing herself that Lan needs to get away from her as quickly as possible, by any means necessary (post 1x08). Also, we know that Moiraine considers Lan to be her better.
Francesca:
Do you think I'd give up
That this might've shook the love from me
Or that I was on the brink?
How could you think, darling, I'd scare so easily?
and
Now that it's done
There's not one thing that I would change
My life was a storm, since I was born
How could I fear any hurricane?
If someone asked me at the end
I'll tell them put me back in it
Darling, I would do it again,
If I could hold you for a minute
Darling, I'd go through it again
and
It was too soon
When that part of you was ripped away
This is almost self-explanatory, but I'm going to explain it because I am so in love with this song for Mo and Lan. It captures Lan's selflessness, his deep love, and his unshakable willingness to support her. There is a reference in the song to a traumatic event befalling the object of the singer's affection, and it can be read as directly paralleling what happened to Moiraine. Finally, the lyrics allude to someone's choice across lives to come back for the person they love, which is totally breathtaking (and relevant to the worldbuilding in WOT).
I'd Like to Walk Around in Your Mind:
I'd like to walk around in your mind someday
I'd like to walk all over the things you say to me
I'd like to run and jump on your solitude
I'd like to rearrange your attitude to me
and
I would disturb your easy tranquility
I'd turn away the sad impossibility of your smile
and
I'd sit there in the sun of the things I like about you
I'd sing my songs and find out just what they mean to you.
This is the song that bites at my heart. It is so lovely, and I wanted to end the playlist on a hopeful note. This is for the stretch of time during which Mo and Lan are walking on the beach together (right before Lan asks for the bond back). Something that took me a second to realize is that Moiraine wants the bond back as desperately as he does. This song is about that. She knows he is still wary around her after the way she treated him, and that breaks her heart. She misses knowing what he was thinking and feeling without having to ask. The line that really does me in, though, is the one that refers to the warmth of the things the singer likes about their beloved. That she imagines them filling their partners' mind like sunlight. The warmth and love between these two characters, the profundity of their shared understanding--it's exquisite. I'm tearing up at the very thought of it.
#moiraine damodred#moiraine and lan#lan mandragoran#wot show#wot on prime#wot meta#Spotify#also uhh i would add to this if anyone wants to share songs that they associate with mo/lan/siuan
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Hi Tumblr, I love children's books and I'm looking forward to seeing the Caldecott Award winners announced in January. Until then though, I wanna try doing a mock Caldecott tournament here. IF you are unfamiliar with the Caldecott Award, it is a children's book award awarded to children's picture books that display an excellence in illustration. It is only for books published in America however, and only for books published in the same year. More info can be found here: https://www.ala.org/ala/alsc/awardsscholarships/literaryawds/caldecottmedal/caldecottterms/caldecottterms.htm
I am incredibly lazy and have no experience in making a bracket and so this will be a very laid back thing. To put together a list, I am referring to school library journal's lists, because again, I'm lazy. This includes:
An American Story by Kwame Alexander and Dare Coulter (disclaimer, I am biased, this is the one I want to win)
Evergreen by Matthew Cordell
The Fire of Stars: The Life and Brilliance of the Woman Who Discovered What Stars Are Made Of by Kirsten W Larsen and Katherine Roy
Nell Plants a Tree by Ann Wynters and Daniel Miyares
The Tree and the River by Aaron Becker
The Skull by Jon Klassen
Jumper: A day in the Life of a Backyard Jumping Spider by Jessica Lanan
There was a Party for Langston by Jason Reynolds and Jerome and Jarrett Pumphrey
Tomfoolery: Randolph Caldecott and the Rambunctious Coming-of-Age of Children’s Books by Michelle Markel and Barbara McClintock
Big by Vashti Harrison
I intend to start things on Monday. Also, I said I am referring to the attached lists for this, but if there's a book someone else really thinks should be included, let me know!
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tagged by @lestatism -- my 9 favorite album covers >:)
top: drunk - thundercat; blond - frank ocean; dummy - portishead
middle: because i'm young arrogant and hate everything you stand for - machine girl; lookaftering - vashti bunyan; without a sound - dinosaur jr
bottom: circle thinking - i hate sex; dc snuff film / waste yrself - teen suicide; disco4 part II - health
i tag: @jaegershund @centergad @and-speak @parmelde @igetdrunkonpicklejuice !
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❤💛I just feel you💛❤