Little Homeworld Life chapter 21: Being Human (originally posted on May 15, 2023)
AN: And at long last, we finally reach the culmination of the Flipso storyline running through most of Season 2 and his grand entrance into the physical realm. While you may find it kind of a bummer that he only had four episodes where he actually appeared, keep in mind that Black Rutile is still the villain at the end of the day. However, circumstances will force her to team up with the Crystal Gems against a shared enemy. Could this be the start of her redemption arc? No, we'll get there when we get there!
Synopsis: Black Rutile summons an impish creature who can change the world around him to make the Gems easier to conquer, but the creature instead turns everyone into humans.
Cast:
Noël Wells as Black Rutile
John Mulaney as Flipso
Estelle as Garnet
Michaela Dietz as Amethyst, Tiger's Eye
Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl
Shelby Rabara as Peridot
Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Laz, Zuli
Uzo Aduba as Bismuth
Kimberly Brooks as Jasper
Lauren Ash as White Topaz
Della Saba as Aquamarine
Charlyne Yi as Eyeball
Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate
Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye
Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon
Martha Higerada as Topaz
Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald
Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope
Melissa Fahn as Demantoid
Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite
Halsey as Tanzanite
Idina Menzel as Amazonite
Mia Barron as Apatite
Gal Gadot as Desert Glass
Willa Holland as Albite
Courtenay Taylor as Beryl
Maddie Ziegler as Serpentine
Olga Kurylenko as Rasputina
Matthew Rhys as James Brenner
John Wurster as Marty
Featuring Anthony Stewart Head as Solaris Noctua
--
As day turned to afternoon in Little Homeworld, Black Rutile had brought together her followers for a grand ceremony that was about to take place. She finally had all she needed to unleash Flipso onto the world and use his powers to destroy the Crystal Gems once and for all. And she had Holly Blue Agate and her silver tongue to thank for it. As the Rutile began making preparations, Flipso's silhouette excitedly zipped around her house while giggling to himself. "I'm going to be free! I'm finally going to be free!" he cheered eagerly. "Oh, it'll be so nice to get outta that prison, thanks to you!"
"Oh please, you're far too kind!" Black Rutile smiled in response while keeping her fingers crossed behind her back. While Flipso was more than happy to get the Rutile's help, he seemingly didn't realize that she had far darker plans for powers that great, plans that involved taking Flipso's powers for himself and using them to become omniscient. "Now then, without further ado."
She then turned to the Rutile Rebels. "Take heed, my followers!" Black Rutile announced. "Around us stands a symbol of oppression: Little Homeworld. Where dozens of Gems have languished under the names of these rebels." She then pulled out a picture of Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. "They have been held up to us as a shining example of kindness and forgiveness. But I say you have been supplied with false idols." She angrily tore the picture in half. "To stop you all from tearing down this corrupt reeducation camp!" The rebels all began cheering in excitement. "And will we just lie down and accept such a terrible fate? NO! For you see, I am now on the cusp of attaining phenomenal unlimited cosmic power courtesy of the cosmic jester Flipso, who I shall release via this ritual!" Finally, Black Rutile turned to Rasputina standing next to her. "Ready?!"
"The ritual is ready." Rasputina nodded before her eyes began to glow. "Owa Tagu Siam. Owa Tagu Siam." She began chanting. "Join me!"
"Gladly." Black Rutile replied before she started chanting as well. "Owa Tagu Siam. Owa Tagu Siam."
"It's working; it's working!" Flipso cheered as his shadow slowly turned into an orange and blue costume. "I can feel myself coming back!"
"When was the last time we had a successful plan?" Aquamarine asked snidely just as she heard the door get kicked open.
"Black Rutile, we've come to stop you!" Garnet yelled as she, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, Jasper, and White Topaz barged into Black Rutile's house, ready for a fight. "And to make up for my foolish decision earlier!"
"You've arrived too late, Crystal Gems." Holly Blue sneered evilly. "In just a few moments, a being of indescribable power who will finally give you the karma you deserve!"
"Owa Tagu Siam. Owa Tagu Siam." Rasputina and Black Rutile continued chanting together as the room was bathed in blue and orange light.
"Someone, stop them!" Pearl yelled. "Wait, is that Rasputina?"
"I got it!" White Topaz replied as she charged towards the ritual, only to be stopped by Holly Blue spin dashing towards her with an electric aura. "OOF!"
"Well, she's down." Jasper declared. "Everybody else, attack!" The Crystal Gems charged at Jasper's command and tried to fight off the swarm of Black Rutile's minions to stop her, but they were too late. All of Little Homeworld was covered in an explosion of light. At long last, Flipso was finally freed.
"OOOOOH, HOT DIGGEDY DOG!" Flipso cheered as his true form was unveiled. His jester costume was bright orange and blue, his pupils were like miniature galaxies, and his mouth was permanently fixed into a big, toothy grin. "This place is magnificent!"
"Oh my stars, what is that?" Peridot muttered with terror and curiosity.
"Oh, you must be everyone's favorite character, the one who's hilarious, and we will quote everything she says." Flipso greeted Peridot. "Hey, name's Flipso J. Jestrix, lord of all confusion and delay. How's it going?"
"You mean to tell me this weird little gremlin man will be the key to you destroying us?" Lapis asked in utter disbelief of the impish jester before them.
"Nobody feed him after midnight." Teal Zircon replied, just as disappointed, while everyone started awkwardly at her presence among the Rutile Rebels. "Hey, I thought this was a book club or something!"
"Well, Flipso, now that we finally freed you, it's about time for you to hold up your end of the bargain." Black Rutile said as she weaved through the crowd to meet with Flipso. "Destroy the Crystal Gems! Prevent them from ever existing for all I care!"
"Not so fast." Flipso chuckled evilly as he ominously turned to Black Rutile, his eyes now completely black and empty except for the stars decorating them. "I know what you are, kiddo. You're planning on stealing my powers and becoming an all-powerful god yourself, eh?"
"Uh, quesadilla, matador, chihuahuas bravos, ¡Los Diego!" Black Rutile tried speaking Spanish to hide how terrified she was that Flipso knew her true plans so quickly. "Seriously, how did you know?"
"I read the first paragraph of the chapter." Flipso confirmed the Rutile's fears, even though she had no idea what he was saying. "You're just like some of the other morons that tried striking a deal with me! They all wanted to use me for my body or some other gross reason!" he declared. "Well, I am way smarter than you think I am! I'm not some silly little man who just wants friends because I'm a lonely little weirdo who also revels in making everybody's lives miserable; I am four parallel universes ahead of your puny 12th-level intellect!"
"Bold choices of words coming from someone who's about to lose everything to a mere Gem." Black Rutile fired back while menacingly holding up the Seer to the Void. "I released you; now you will obey me!"
"This is not going to end well." Eyeball grimaced.
"Well, you know what they say about striking a deal with a creature of total chaos." Flipso grinned as he pulled the Seer out of Black Rutile's hands, and it began glowing in his. "You'll never know whether they'll stay loyal to you or not. SHABOOEY!"
Soon, another flash of orange and blue completely covered Little Homeworld.
--
Meanwhile, far beyond the known universe, or the known multiverse even, there was a grand library containing every story known to man. Within that library resided its current overseer, the almighty and all-knowing cosmic owl Solaris Noctua, sitting down to a good book by the fireplace when he felt a disturbance in the multiverse.
"Something is happening." Solaris gasped in alarm. "He's finally escaped." Setting down his book, Solaris narrowed down Flipso's current location and suddenly disappeared from his library.
--
As the light slowly vanished, Black Rutile laid on the ground in a daze, overwhelmed by the power the Seer to the Void unleashed in Flipso's hands. A strange ringing noise droned in her ears as she could barely hear the Crystal Gems asking her questions about Flipso. Wait, ears? Gems don't naturally have ears! And why does her body feel so warm all of a sudden?
"Hey, I think she's waking up!" Bismuth exclaimed as Black Rutile got up off the ground and shook her head. "Okay, Black Rutile, you got a lot of explaining to do!"
"What more can I explain?" Black Rutile replied. "That freak already told us everything we could know about him."
"Well, not everything." White Topaz added. "Like, for example, why did he turn us all into humans, and why do we all look like we came straight out of my dream?"
"Wait, humans?!" Black Rutile exclaimed before racing towards the window and gazing at the human with black hair, red-rimmed glasses, a black dress shirt, and matching pants staring straight back at her. "AAAAAAHHHHH!"
--
As Black Rutile quickly realized, it wasn't just her, the Crystal Gems, and her subordinates that were turned into humans. The same happened to every Gem in Little Homeworld; they had no idea what was happening. Some were freaking out; others believed this was all a weird dream.
"Whoa, check this out!" the now humanized Teal Zircon exclaimed as she felt her new heart pumping. "Having a heart is really cool!"
"Blonde? So not my color!" Laz complained about her and Zuli's new hair colors.
"Hey, I think I look kinda cute." Zuli disagreed with Laz.
"Can someone get my hair out of my face?" Eyeball asked as she tried to brush away her bangs over her left eye.
"If I am a human, then that must mean Ruby and Sapphire no longer exist." Garnet muttered in horror as she gazed at her palms where her gems should be.
"Wow, you look almost the same." Tanzanite remarked at Apatite's darker-skinned human form.
"So do you," Apatite replied, commenting that Tanzanite had more human-looking skin and no other changes.
"This feels so strange," Serpentine commented on her new look. "Anyone else feeling the same?"
"Ditto." Albite nodded affirmatively.
"I don't feel that much different." Desert Glass remarked. "Of course, being human would mean our lifespan has now been dramatically shortened."
"Don't say that!" Tiger's Eye yelled in shock.
"What's going on?!" Beryl asked.
"Did you see this coming, Black Rutile?!" Amazonite dramatically asked Black Rutile. "Did you predict that we would be stabbed in the back and forced into these organic forms?!"
"Yeah, it's about time you talked!" Amethyst agreed with Amazonite.
"Okay, fine!" Black Rutile stated. "His power is too great for me to take on alone, which means that the only way to stop him is to," she gagged in her mouth at what she was about to say. "team up. But first, a little history lesson."
--
Eons ago, before time had a name, there was an all-powerful kingdom of reality-warping beings whose empire spanned entire multiverses. Before becoming the mad trickster who would influence human events for millenniums to come, Flipso was but a humble court jester for the royal family that ruled this kingdom. He happily entertained the royals and the people who would meet him, but eventually, something inside him would change. Rather than entertain the people, he would amuse himself by using his godlike powers to cause chaos. Why? Because he thought it was cool.
Upon destroying the empire and ascending to godhood, Flipso's actions would catch the attention of Solaris Noctua, the cosmic librarian who watched over the multiverse from his endless library. Fearing that Flipso would become a danger to all possible realities, Solaris would assemble an army of some of the mightiest beings in existence to stand a chance against him.
He would call upon the likes of the New Gods and the Celestialsapiens, the Children of Oberon, the Ninja Tribunal, the Thirteen Primes, the twelve Gods of Destruction, the Eternals, the Great Dragon, the Q Continuum, the Eight Guardian Generals, and many, many more. They all answered Solaris's call for help and came together as a mighty army that could counter Flipso's power.
The ensuing battle of gods was so great that trillions of realities were erased from existence because that much godly power was just too great for anybody to handle. The war on Flipso would last for many days and nights; some might say it stayed for longer than an eternity, but eventually, Flipso got bored of the fighting and decided to try and go home.
Unfortunately for him, Solaris used this as an opportunity to seal the jester away for good and trap him in the space beyond the omniverse. Despite Flipso's confinement, he would find a way to discover one universe he had an interest in for a while and influence the history of the creatures known as humans. Eventually, one soul learned of Flipso's existence and documented him in the spellbook that would come into the ownership of Rasputina. That man's name was Grigori Rasputin.
--
"Ah, this really is living the dream!" Flipso declared as he made Beach City fall into chaos upon his arrival at the seaside town. Within mere moments of his entrance, the almighty jester quickly began making himself at home by turning the Pizza family into literal slices of pizza, switching Ronaldo's butt with his mouth, releasing the giant crab monster that had previously been buried in the sand and taking it in as a pet, transforming the lighthouse into a disco ball, making the sky a perfect mix of day and night, among many others acts of defiance towards reality and common sense. "I could really get used to this!"
Meanwhile, in Little Homeworld, the human Gems had begun to settle down and think of a plan. With Rasputina's help, they began examining her grimoire in search of answers about Flipso's weaknesses. And to their surprise and delight, they found their answer.
"Ah-ha, I think I found it!" Pearl exclaimed. "It says here that Flipso can only be temporarily subdued by transferring his powers to whoever holds the Seer to the Void! But one problem, Flipso stole the artifact when he was released, and I'm pretty sure he won't give it back."
"If we do retrieve the Seer, then I volunteer to be the one to stop him." Black Rutile declared. "I was the one who started this mess, so it's only fitting that I stop it as well." However, she turned to the Rutile Rebels to reveal her true intentions to them. "Of course, that would also lead to me stealing Flipso's powers and using them to erase the Gems from existence once and for all."
"Hey, there's something else here!" Amethyst exclaimed and began reading a passage from the tome. "Whoever is foolish enough to steal such power, it will ultimately consume and then destroy them. Wow, intense."
"Now, Black Rutile, are you sure you want to do this?" Pearl asked Black Rutile. "You've heard that gaining such power will be fatal. You know the old saying, right?"
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely." Black Rutile nodded affirmatively. "Well, whoever created such a line has never met me before!"
"Don't get too cocky there." Garnet urged Black Rutile. "This shall only be for a few moments."
"You underestimate me, Garnet." Black Rutile replied. "I haven't fought scores of Gems in the Rebellion just to be told that I can't face one little jester!"
"But that begs the question," Pyrope stated. "what chance do we have against Flipso? We can't summon our weapons, we can't use any of our powers, and I'm pretty sure we're unable to use the Warp Pad to get to Beach City in our current state!"
"Well, I suppose we'll have to make the most of what we have," Demantoid replied.
"Which means we better start walking!" Morganite added.
"Nyet, allow me." Rasputina declared. "I shall use my magic to bring us to where Flipso may be. It is the least I can do to repay Black Rutile for saving me."
"Hey, that reminds me, I'm noticing a suspicious number of old enemies and friends on your side now." White Topaz pointed out. "What are Emerald, Pyrope, Demantoid, Morganite, and Topaz doing here?"
"They are insignificant at the moment!" Black Rutile stopped Amethyst from digging any deeper. "It's just some good old manipulation, nothing more! Now then, shall we, Rasputina?"
"Gladly," Rasputina said before casting a spell that sent herself, the Rutile Rebels, and the Crystal Gems away to follow Flipso.
--
"Man, I could get used to a place like this," Flipso remarked, gazing upon the chaos he had created in Beach City. "Ain't that right, Brenny?"
"Please put me out of my misery." James Brenner, now turned into a helpless ventriloquist dummy by Flipso, begged for the sweet release of death even though it was virtually impossible.
"Yeesh, who knew you'd be such a Debbie downer?" Flipso rolled his eyes before looking towards Marty's decapitated head on a plate served by his body and also smoking a cigarette. "How about you Marty-Mart?"
"Kill me." Marty urged Flipso to end his suffering as well.
"Later!" Flipso scoffed at Marty's expense. "Man, just look at this world." He declared while looking out at the sea beyond him. "So much potential for a little spicing up of everyone's lives! I could give some third-world country everything they could ever want, make it a new global superpower, and watch as the power eventually gets to their heads! I could turn millionaires into politicians; no, that seems like a bad idea."
"Flipso!" Black Rutile cried as the Crystal Gems and Rutile Rebels were warped to Beach City by Rasputina to confront Flipso. "You got some nerve thinking you can stab me in the back!"
"Whoa, look at what he's done with the place." Tiger's Eye gasped at how much Flipso had altered Beach City to fit his twisted morals.
"How could he have done such a thing?!" Pearl yelled in horror. "What is the method to your madness?"
"Are you doing this because you have no sense of right and wrong?" Cat's Eye asked.
"Are you just lonely and only want a friend? What is it?!" Eyeball added.
"Of course, I have a sense of right and wrong." Flipso answered the human Gems. "It's just that I do all this because it's cool."
"See, I told you he survives on pure amusement, just like the book said!" Black Rutile reiterated for the reality-breaking clown.
"In fact, this reminds me of a song! You like songs, right?" Flipso said before clearing his throat and beginning to sing. "Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling. From glen to glen and on the mountainside. The summer's gone, and the leaves are falling." He then pulled out a top hat and cane to dance with. "What do I do? What do I do? I can do anything that you can't do!"
As big band music started playing, Flipso conjured up an army of pink elephants to back him up in his psychedelic number. "I could turn you all into puppets!" he declared before transforming his enemies into marionettes to play with. "Yeah, that I can do! Or maybe you all become bread!" Flipso then changed the puppets into various types of bread.
"We're toast!" Teal Zircon cried.
"No man can come up to par with me; it makes you wanna scream!" Flipso exclaimed while sticking Teal Zircon into a toaster and turning her into cinnamon sugar toast. "What do I do? What do I do? I can do anything that you can't do! What do I do? What do I do? Pants to be darkened full of poo!"
"Ew." Desert Glass muttered disgustedly.
"Hm, my, you seem a little stuck in the mud. Let's change that, shall we?" Flipso demonstrated by literally trapping Desert Glass in mud and then sticking her in a washbin. "A little shower will make you smile with glee, all thanks to me!"
"Someone, stop that song!" Jasper commanded and led the charge in trying to stop Flipso in his tracks, but they were powerless to stop him from trapping the combined Gem teams in trapping them in chocolate.
"What do I do? What do I do? I can do anything that you can't do!" Flipso exclaimed before trapping everyone in a challenging video game where they died repeatedly. "What do I do? What do I do? Try and stop me, but wait, you can't do that too!" The song ended as Flipso laughed manically while volcanos erupted from behind him, signifying how he was just as much a deadly threat to humanity as he was hilarious. "Thank you, thank you! You like me; you really like me!" he thanked an imaginary audience while receiving an award for his song. "I'd like to thank all the little people for getting me this far!"
"Enough games, fool!" Black Rutile yelled. "I'm the only one allowed to wreak havoc upon this town and all the fools that live in it! Either leave this planet and never return, or I will destroy you!"
At Black Rutile's threat, Flipso's previous casually psychopathic attitude became far more sinister as he slowly glared at Black Rutile, his face becoming more monstrous in the process. "Are you threatening me?"
"You bet I am!" Black Rutile replied while taking out the grimoire to threaten Flipso with. "This book has all your weaknesses, and I won't stop until I've used every single one of them!" Unfortunately, Flipso immediately snatched the book from her hands and put it under lock and key. "Hey!"
"Sorry, kiddo, but I can't let you end a story like that." Flipso declared mockingly. "But if you want me gone, you'll have to fight me for it first."
"Tell us what the catch is," Garnet said.
Flipso gave the ground rules for his challenge. "The catch is that if I win, I'm sending you all to parts unknown where you can never bother me again. But if you win, I'll leave, and you'll never see me again. But that won't stop me from causing chaos wherever I may end up!"
"Oh, you just had to pull that card!" Amethyst moaned. "Okay, it's a deal!"
"This better be good." Albite added.
"Splendid, and I got just the venue." Flipso grinned eagerly before he teleported everybody away.
--
In a massive arena filled with cheering fans, the Gems were teleported into a wrestling ring where Flipso was the host. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND EVERYONE ELSE IN-BETWEEN, WELCOME TO THE CAN'T-MISS EVENT OF THE EON!" a duplicate of Flipso yelled into a microphone. "IN THIS CORNER, A BUNCH OF HUMANS CALLING THEMSELVES GEMS!" The crowd began booing at the Gems, who reacted with embarrassment and confusion. "AND IN THIS CORNER, OUR REIGNING CHAMPION, THE BREAKER OF REALITIES, THE DEVOURER OF WORLDS, IIIIT'S-"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT MY NAME IS!" Flipso's voice echoed from above as the spotlights revealed him in stereotypical wrestling gear while wearing the Seer to the Void around his neck. "The champ is here! AND HIS NAME IS FLIPSO!" The crowd began going wild as Flipso leaped down into the ring, creating massive shockwaves as he landed and took the microphone out of the referee's hands. "THAT'S RIGHT, BROTHAS, SISTAHS, AND EVERYBODY ELSE, FLIPSO IS READY! OOOOOHHHH, YEAAAAH!"
"Oh no." an irritated Garnet, Pearl, Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, White Topaz, Aquamarine, Cat's Eye, Holly Blue, Desert Glass, Topaz, Amazonite, Albite, Pyrope, Morganite, and Serpentine groaned.
"OH YEAH!" Amethyst, Jasper, Albite, Tiger's Eye, Eyeball, Teal Zircon, Tanzanite, Emerald, Beryl, Emerald, and Demantoid added eagerly at the chance to wrestle.
"Now let me tell ya something, ya stupid Gems," Flipso jeered his opponents. "you got some nerve trying to combat the single most powerful clown in the entire universe! But since I gotta play fair according to Rule A-113 of Da Rules, I'll give you back your weapons." He snapped his fingers, giving everyone their weapons to be better matched against him. "Now come on, come at me and get some!"
"Finally, some action!" Jasper grinned excitedly before charging at Flipso and punching him square in the face. "Get him, everybody!"
As the human Gems began fighting Flipso, Solaris Noctua appeared among the audience to watch while helping himself to some popcorn, a soda, and a chili cheese dog as he closely examined Flipso duking it out. "I should've known he'd get out." He shook his head disdainfully. "Hopefully, those Gems know what they're doing."
As the fight continued, Flipso became far more animalistic in his movements and fighting, almost like he was becoming the violent monster he was described as in legend. Regardless of the Gems' current species, some of their combat experience, especially Amethyst and Jasper, stayed the same. Soon, Rasputina's grimoire began hanging over the ring like a briefcase to be won in a wrestling match, and naturally, only one could take it for themselves.
"There, there is my book!" Rasputina yelled as she pointed to the spellbook. "Someone, grab it at once and throw it to me!"
"On it!" Black Rutile replied. "Someone, throw me!" On command, Holly Blue raced to her boss while everyone else kept Flipso busy. Amazonite, Tanzanite, Apatite, Albite, Desert Glass, Beryl, Tiger's Eye, Serpentine, Teal Zircon, Topaz, Demantoid, Pyrope, Emerald, and Morganite were all suddenly blown back as Flipso changed into a more beastly form, angered that his fun would have to end so soon.
"I refuse to let anyone poop on my party!" Flipso shrieked like a banshee as he charged at Black Rutile, being tossed into the air by Holly Blue, and the two began fighting over the grimoire. "I thought we had something special here, babe! The two of us would've caused so much destruction together!"
"But you betrayed me, you disgusting gremlin!" Black Rutile argued back. "Was this your plan the whole time?! Did you exploit me for your twisted games?!"
"I don't care; just give it back!" Flipso yelled back as Black Rutile tried distracting him by ripping the Seer to the Void off his neck and grabbing the grimoire in accord. "Oh no."
"Oh yes!" Black Rutile cheered as she tossed the book to Rasputina. "Now, cast the reversal spell!"
"With pleasure." Rasputina grinned evilly while casting a spell to keep Flipso contained. "Jamaic Kirkhopus, Sontenny Leonidas, Spartan Hellacious Apocalpyso!" With that chant, all the Gems were officially restored to normal by negating Flipso's magic, leaving Black Rutile free to absorb the clown's powers for herself.
"YEEEEESSSS!" Black Rutile roared delightedly as she felt herself becoming a god beyond gods. "This power, this unlimited power! I could do anything with this level of omnipotence, the world is my oyster, and I am the pearl! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Don't you realize what you're doing, kiddo?" Flipso frowned as he was reduced to a mortal man. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely. That much power could probably kill you! Listen, I'll leave you guys alone if you give me my powers back!"
"Sorry! After the way you treated me, it's only fitting that I repay in kind!" Black Rutile replied while examining the possibilities of her new powers. "I can see it all now. Not only can I use these abilities to be rid of Steven for good, but I will use them to hunt down any young hero like him! Trollhunters fighting their last battle, huntresses losing that more honest soul, invincible champions reduced to puddles of blood, an age of wonderbeasts coming to a destructive end, human witches and warriors of calamity meeting their untimely demise, princesses of power, heroes of heroes, vampire slayers, guardians of light, American dragons, all of them destroyed with a mere wave of my hand!"
"You need to stop this!" White Topaz urged Black Rutile. "Like Flipso said, this power could kill you if you're not careful! Please, listen to people other than yourself for just once in your life!"
"No, I will destroy everything! Destroy, destroy, and destroy more until this world disappears! That is the reason I'm standing here today!" Black Rutile laughed manically as she prepared to use her newly gained omniscience to wipe the Crystal Gems from reality once and for all. But just as she was about to attack, the now godly Rutile suddenly gained an epiphany.
"No! Now I see the universe for what it is: We are all dust, bound by one enormous, universal force. No, not universal, not even multiversal! This omniversal force continues forever, in every direction through every reality!" Black Rutile began a monologue before turning to Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. "My lust for power, my hatred of Pink Diamond, it isn't just evil, ultimately; it's pointless. I could never truly destroy you. You would only have been not unexistent in what could have not now been the past, present, and partial future. To tear down and destroy is of no consequence or quality; to create is divine."
"Okay, I think that's enough playtime for you, Blackie." Flipso muttered as he anticlimactically snatched the Seer to the Void away from Black Rutile, regaining his powers as he stuffed it in his pockets. "Listen, babes, I had a lot of fun here, but I can definitely see that you're way more boring than I expected. I mean, come on, working together?! I thought you two were supposed to be at each other's throats for arbitrary reasons! And who's this Steven kid, and why does Black Rutile have such a huge hatred for a freakin' teenager?"
"They came together because of you." Solaris Noctua proclaimed as he finished his chili cheese dog and warped into the ring to confront Flipso. "I should've known you'd use such wicked hearts to enact your escape, Flipso."
"Oh no, it's the fuzz! I can't go back to jail!" Flipso yelled and tried to escape, but Solaris kept him from fleeing by grabbing his ankle. "Hey, let me go!"
"You must be Solaris Noctua, correct?" Black Rutile asked as she groveled at the sight of the cosmic librarian. "It is an honor to be in your presence, sir! I apologize; the creature took advantage of my lust for power and played me right into his hands!"
"She struck a deal with him." Eyeball admitted to Solaris.
"How unfortunate. This planet has had enough interplanetary visitor dudes as is." Solaris said before he started chuckling. "Dudes. Such a silly word."
"You'll never take me alive!" Flipso screamed as he wriggled free and poofed away.
"I'll catch up with him later." Solaris rolled his eyes before returning to the restored Crystal Gems and Rutile Rebels. "As for you, it's time for you to go home." He snapped his fingers, sending all the Gems back to Beach City before flying away.
--
Once the Crystal Gems and Rutile Rebels were brought back to Beach City, it seemed like that, thanks to the reversal spell, everything Flipso destroyed was back to normal. Well, minus the fact that the giant crab monster was still around and was now entering the ocean, no doubt to find a new home.
"Well, now that Flipso is finally dealt with, our alliance ends." Garnet declared to Black Rutile while taking the grimoire and bubbling it to the Burning Room, where she ensured no one would ever find it again. "But make no mistake; we're still watching you."
"I don't care; I'm just going to take a few days off after that bout of omnipotence made me rethink my life's choices." Black Rutile answered. "But that won't stop me from finding ways to ruin you for what you did to me!"
"Still as determined as ever." A shaken James Brenner gasped as he dusted himself and checked his jaw to see if he was still a puppet.
"Good grief, I need a smoke after all that," Marty replied before whipping out a cigarette.
"We may no longer have a god by our side, but we still have a far greater weapon." Black Rutile smirked while clenching her fist. "Fear."
--
"And then Black Rutile got all nihilistic and junk as she gained my powers!" Flipso complained to an old friend of his as they played cards together. Said old friend had the head of a pony and various other animal parts making up the rest of his body. "Puh-lease, if you want to become almighty, you gotta own it! You know what I'm saying?!"
"That Beach City place seems awfully dull," Discord observed while revealing his cards and winning the hand. "I mean, almost any kind of conflict is just resolved instantly with crying and singing! Now, my world isn't that much different, but at least it's way more adventurous, and some foes still get comeuppance!"
"Kinda like how you never got any punishment for impersonating that Grogar guy?" Flipso replied.
"Hey, I can get away with being as obnoxious and destructive as possible after becoming friends with my enemies!" Discord fired back. "What's your excuse as to why you couldn't do the same?!"
"Because it's not cool enough." Flipso proclaimed.
--
And John de Lancie as Discord.
At long last, Flipso is finally dealt with and we can move onto Black Rutile using the Internet and Earth politics against our heroes. I wish I had dedicated more time to Flipso, but it's my story and I can't just change everything at the last minute. But in the meantime, we got a certain brigade of Pearls coming back next episode and with them, some old friends of Black Rutile and a few we haven't seen before either. Catch you then!
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Pros and cons of common diamond-alternative stones for engagement rings 💍
In 1947, a copywriter by the name of Frances Gerety went down in "didn't get paid enough for that" history as he penned DeBeer's infamous tagline, a diamond is forever. Now, that tagline had more to do with subtly brainwashing the public to never sell a diamond to the secondary market than to making consumers aware that diamonds are one of the hardest substances in earth, but they were on to something nonetheless.
The real reason that diamonds have persevered as the most popular stone for engagement rings is not because they're the most beautiful, rare, or expensive—it's actually because of their incredible durability. A diamond has the unique ability to stand up to a lifetime of every day wear and tear and then some. Most other stones, and even the gold or platinum that rings are mostly comprised of, cannot say the same.
The primary measurement used to determine a stone's hardness is the Moh's Hardness Scale. This is the most well known scale, numbering 1-10 and placing all known gemstones somewhere along that range.
So here's the issue with the Moh's scale: it doesn't test durability. The Moh's test only determines one substance's ability to scratch another. For example, it says here that a copper penny is .5 higher than a fingernail. But a human tooth can bite a fingernail in half with absolutely no effort, while a copper penny might damage teeth first. The relative difference between the substances is large, though on the chart it's only a margin.
A better scale to judge by is the Vickers Hardness scale. See that huge swoop between corundum and diamond? That's an 8000 point difference here that's only shown as a one point shift in the Moh's scale. This is a much better illustration to my point: diamond is, by far, the most durable material you can put into an engagement ring.
But diamonds are expensive! And everyone's got one anyway, so what are your alternatives? Allow me to list every popularly demanded gemstone here and give you some pros and cons.
-> Morganite and Aquamarine (beryl)
Cons: They are SO INCREDIBLY difficult to keep clean!! After just one day of wear, they will look cloudy and dirty, losing a lot of their color and attractiveness very quickly. The worst part of this is that if you don't keep on top of the cleaning, dirt and frequent exposure to soaps/perfume/lotion can cause it to become permanently cloudy or discolored. Also, they're a 7.5-8 on the Moh's scale, meaning they will scuff and scratch much more easily than a diamond.
Pros: They're both very pretty, and morganite especially is much less expensive than a diamond.
Recommended alternative: Pink or blue sapphire, pink or blue diamond, pink or blue moissanite, pink or blue topaz
-> Emerald (beryl but slightly different)
Cons: Emerald is expensive as fuck, I won't parse words. Getting an emerald with ideal color, cut, and clarity will likely be more expensive than a diamond and MUCH more time consuming to find. Emerald has an average rating of 7.5-8 on the mohs scale. But unlike its beryl siblings, it does have a tenancy toward internal flaws that make them more prone to chip, crack, or break in half altogether.
Pros: no denying they're gorgeous, but that's about it.
Recommended alternatives: Spinel, green diamond, green moissanite, green sapphire
-> Sapphire and Ruby (corundum)
Cons: Depending on the quality of stone you're looking for, these can get quite expensive. A triple-A quality, untreated, natural ruby will have you taking out a second mortgage. Rubies also have the same tenancy toward internal fault lines as emeralds do. Corundum has a hardness of 9, so it's one of the best diamond alternatives there is. However, I've still seen a few scratched up sapphire engagement rings in my time. CAVEAT: WHITE SAPPHIRE IS A NO-NO
Pros: I mean, they're pretty.
Recommended alternatives: blue or pink diamond, blue or pink moissanite, pink or London-blue topaz
-> Cubic Zirconia
IT'S HONESTLY NOT AS BAD AS THE DIAMOND INDUSTRY WANTS YOU TO THINK!! CZ is a whopping 8-8.5 on the mohs scale, coming in above beryl by an entire point. However, there are a few big cons you should be aware of.
Cons: In the event that your stone were to fall out of the setting, or you needed prong repair work done, many jewelers will turn you away. Why? 1: they don't want to work on CZ, they want to sell you a diamond. 2: CZ is more heat-sensitive than any other stone at the same hardness, so it can crack or shatter when a jeweler is trying to work with it. Additionally, getting a well-cut stone will take some time and research.
Pros: it's so inexpensive!! So! Inexpensive! You can get one as big or small as you like, in any color of the rainbow, and none of your friends will be able to tell the difference. Well, unless I'm your friend. But I'm Built Different (read: sell jewelry for a living).
Recommended alternatives: moissanite
-> Amethyst, Citrine, Smokey Quartz, Rose Quartz, Onyx, Prasiolite (it's all quartz babey):
Cons: at only 7 on the mohs scale, it isn't very durable.
Pros: there are so many varieties to choose from! Strawberry quartz, moss agate, the choices are practically limitless. Even though they're soft, they're relatively inexpensive and make a nice alternative to a diamond ring in a situation that you may not want to wear it, like on vacation or getting your hands dirty. If you plan to wear your ring sparingly or replace it sometime in the future, Quartz makes a fine alternative.
Recommended alternatives: I don't recommend Quartz as your go-to stone, please refer to other categories.
-> Topaz
Cons: It can have some of the same issues as beryl where keeping it clean is concerned, but it doesn't have the same tenancy to discolor. Topaz is heat-sensitive, however, which means extended exposure to significant heat (hot tub, boiling water, left in the car in summer, heat exposure during repair work) can discolor it permanently. CAVEAT: WHITE TOPAZ IS BAD.
Pros: at an 8 on the mohs scale, this bad boy will last you a pretty long time if you take good care of it. Topaz also comes in every color of the rainbow and is readily available, so less expensive than some of the other stones listed such as corundum.
Recommended alternatives: depends on what color you're looking for!
-> Moissanite
Ah, the golden child of the current engagement ring scene.
Cons: Moissanite has something called double refraction, which basically means that you see two of each facet in the stone when you look at it. This isn't a huge deal to the layman, but it does mean that jewelers and their ilk can tell moissanite apart from a diamond faster than we can tell CZ from diamond. Moissanite also has double the refractive index of diamond, meaning that "fire", or the prism effect, is much more pronounced. TLDR: it's more sparkly and rainbow-y, and most people will be able to tell that it isn't a diamond. But that's ok! The goal isn't to fool people, it's to enjoy whatever stone you choose!
Pros: Almost everything. Seriously, moissanite is so affordable. It's a 9.5 on the mohs scale, as close to a diamond as you can get. Any shape or color you desire, you can find it easily.
Recommended alternative: diamond
And here's my list of don't even fucking try it stones.
These are all way too soft to consider. I don't care how bad you want an opal engagement ring, I'm sorry, it's the worst idea in the whole world. It'll last maybe a year or two with every day wear.
Tanzanite
Pearl
Opal
Tourmaline
White topaz
White sapphire. Listen, white sapphire is MORE expensive than CZ and FUGLY. If u buy ur girl/guy/partner in crime a white sapphire engagement ring I will manifest a plague upon your bloodline, full stop.
And never ever buy an engagement ring in sterling silver!! It's too soft for long-term, regular wear. You need platinum or gold.
And that's it! Thanks for reading all the way through this, if you managed it. You deserve a gold star. Or ring. Or something. Hopefully you learned something, and always feel free to drop questions in the replies or my inbox!
Note: the mohs scale was used throughout this post even though I clearly stated that it's not the greatest measurement. That's because, unfortunately, it's the only one that's commonly used and I couldn't find reliable sources for all mentioned stones on any other scale :/
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