#SHE HAS CONTROL PROBLEMS
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Hate watching 90 fiance
And its like. Do I wanna watch this show? Or do I wanna watch someone else watch this show and scream about it? Like YouTube gamer man whose also a relationship therapist absolutely screaming while they watch this show
#I should be this man#It starts out all#Okay okay they love each other I get it#Distance doesnt matter only love#Then...#Oh shit oh no red flag dude red flag#Oh shit OH FUCK GIRL NO NO NO#HE IS A GOLD DIGGER#SHE HAS CONTROL PROBLEMS#WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO BLINDDDD#KILL ME JUST DO IT#I WISH YOU ALL PAINFUL AND LONG LASTING DIVORCES CHRISTTT#and then i cry#text#textpost#tv thoughts#tv#tv show#90 day fiance
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Thinking about Lestat seeing Louis’s eating patterns as a waste of his gift/himself while Armand gives Louis food that he literally can not enjoy or digest just so he has something on his stomach
#if i had to give each of louis relationship a theme loustat would be shame and loumand would be enabling#which are both really bad ways of “helping” a partner with an ed#lestats shame and anger tactics only make louis more resentful and less likely to eat#while armand having the little drinks and exotic animals and the human food dont actually deal with louis problem head on-#cus at the end of the day louis is still not eating enough#and i think they really exemplifies both of their trauma and abandonment issues#both of them came up chronically food insecure#lestat was put into the role of provider at a very early age and stayed in that role until he died/was turned#so for him rejecting what lestat gives is like rejecting lestat cus he doesnt have anything else to make him “useful”#and lestats reaction to rejection is anger and control so he tries to shame and control louis into eating more/human#while armand has been abandoned by literally everyone he loves up till this point so for him its like#ok i can make people dtay if i give them what they want and what louis wants is to not feel bad about eating and so armand does that#but it still doesnt get to the root of the issue which is louis having poor coping mechanisms for his grief and other emotions#like either way you slice it. louis is not meeting his nutritional needs. he eats drinks from one guy eats a fox or some other small animal#when he should be having like two dudes at least#and then he has human food which according to anne rice makes vampires vomit up their whole stomach content so...#louis imma send you to my therapist shes great#interview with the vampire#iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#ldpdl#iwtv 2022#armand iwtv#armand#loumand#loustat#like armand gives louis food he cant eat just so he knows theres something in louis stomach even for a short while
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heres the limbo fusions with the rest of the vento aureo main protags
Limbo + Mista
Mimbo - any pronouns
"Are u lost bbygrl? :)"
(They give a weird stare if asked for a full name. They only use Mimbo, even though it’s a combination of Limbo’s forename and Mista’s surname.)
most stable Limbo fusion merely by virtue of Mista’s simple ability to just not give a fuck.
GET YOUR GUN OUT OF YOUR CLEAVAGE!
bitch gon step on my fuckin toe bitch with them fuckin cowgirl fuckin boots
VITALLY important that you know that despite being easily mistaken as fem on first glance, Mimbo also has the deepest voice of any Limbo fusion for literally no reason other than it’s funny to me. They also have sideburns
Stand: Mighty Wings - Redirects Signals. Still a colony Stand, looks like tiny little pastel fighter jets!
Limbo + Abbacchio
Lio Adkio - they/them
“Don’t say SHIT about my mascara or my eyeliner.”
“In fact, don’t fucking look at me or I’ll have to kill you or myselves.”
stable only because when Limbo started panicking in the mindspace, Abbacchio simply pointed and snapped at her to CALM THE FUCK DOWN. and she did so immediately.
nicer than Abbacchio. not by that much, though… but weirdly apologetic about it.
the eyeliner doesn’t appear to be due to crying, it seems that it just looks like that.
bazongas?
Stand: Keeping The Faith? Never Too Late? Shawty like a melody-
“rewinds” signals to previous states or connections and/or can do a “replay” of those signals’ succeeded actions (i.e. having a phone replay a prior conversation) Unfortunately, it’s pretty useless in combat.
Limbo + Giorno
Glimbo Giovadkins - she(?)/they/them
“Wouldn’t you like to hear one of my 765 fun facts about aerodynamics, animals or Air Bud?”
“I also have a few facts about botany, blood and birds.”
stable, until they’re not. they’re incredibly calm and delightful, but when they think someone’s mad at them they panic and start excessively apologising.
genuinely the softest cutest sweetest lil bitch you’ve ever seen. also traumatised with a guilty conscience and can flip on a dime in a terrifying way.
shortest Limbo fusion for no clear reason? shorter than both Limbo and Giorno.
Squalo’s worst fear.
sounds pretty much how you would expect.
Stand: Crystal Dolphin - can transform signals into life—by taking the signals out of something, typically disabling it, they can create life like Gold Experience can. The more complex the device, the bigger its potential creation.
Limbo + Buccellati
Bimbo Luno Adkellati - they/them
"...I've lost the conversation. I'm gonna go make pizza!"
Megan Thee Stallion?!
has no idea what’s going on for some reason? always looks a little confused and loses track of conversations very quickly.
very good with kids! practically unable to have a coherent conversation with Abbacchio. They don’t seem too distressed, but they just stop making much sense and seem to confuse themselves.
Stand: When Doves Cry? Perhaps Freewill? Uhm… I don’t know? Maybe it can sort of, ‘zip’ signals together, combining two or more functions into one sent signal? Bruno's ability is just so specific... I can't think of many ideas.
Limbo + Fugo
Fimbo (Pannalimbo Adkigo) - they/them
"STOP TALKING ABOUT FREUD BEFORE I KILL YOU WITH MY FUCKING BRACELETS!!!"
( Note: all currently depicted instances of Fimbo seem to be post-PHF, as Fimbo is almost always seen with the mouth scars hidden by the tattoo.)
enemy of the state. punches fascists. lovecore punk goth. in terms of authority figures they only respect Buccellati and Limbo’s dad.
AuDHD trauma poster child. Short fuse but very friendly until something sets them off and they start screaming and or burst into fucking tears.
Self-love in the sense that the fusionmates care about each other deeply and both sides are trying to look out for the other knowing the other won't look out for themself.
Stand: Cabin Fever - Terrifying deathly virus that, rather than being airborne like Purple Haze, is passed though signal transmission. Fimbo doesn’t know if the virus is the same as Purple Haze, a different strain of it, or something entirely different. It spreads most quickly through vocal communication between two people.
Limbo + Narancia
Nimbus Ghirgins - he/they/she
"tummyache... :("
Libby why does my stomach feel like it’s going to fucking collapse in on itself and why are my knuckles torn? aren’t they supposed to bruise when you punch?
bad relationship with food. Hanahaki disease, what are you doing here? (/ij)
sometimes they find Mista sitting around, sit next to him and fall asleep on him immediately
incredibly bad with emotions and doesn’t even get angry they just get overwhelmed instantly at any presence of significant emotion
Stand: Falling in Love/Hard on the Knees - who the fuck let this kid control CO2 emissions?? They can barely control themselves???
#jjba#back on my fusion bullshit#i think they are goiung to take me away soon applejack#vento aureo#pannacotta fugo#narancia ghirga#guido mista#bruno buccellati#bruno bucciarati#team buccellati#leone abbacchio#giorno giovanna#jjba oc#jojo oc#Limbo Adkins#fanstands#amby draws#my art#cw: ed#tw ed implied#see limbos got an ED but all other components are able to handle or 'alleviate' that in a semi-casual way#Mistas carefree attitude comes with a lot less insecurity and mista loves to cook while limbo will eat anything he cooks if shes offered it#in the case of Lio Abbacchio actually has most of the control because limbo is scared of/respects him (for some reason)#but they're mentally unstable and generally concerning for other reasons#namely lacking a will to live#glimbo sort of does a whole steven universe here-comes-a-thought type business to address the problems directly as much as they can#lunos parental instincts override everything else so anytime they dont know what to do theyre like#mm im gonna go cook. and then as a result they end up eating just because That's The Way Things Work#fimbo is (as mentioned) a fusion where the two sides know the other won't care for themself. So both sides are caring for each other instea#also fugo establishes a routine and both of these audhd bitches know if they deviate from the routine they will explode
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i love a/b/o steddie where they get started like so young that if it was someone i knew irl i'd have a panic attack. like,, mated right out of high school, baby pops out a year later, they've got like five kids by the time they're 25
thinking about an au where they were already together pre- start of s4 and steve goes through the whole thing like three months pregnant. like he's stressed about the baby and eddie and eddie's SUPER stressed about the baby and steve, like eddie's trying to get steve to sit this one out for the baby and steve has to yell at him to stop bc yeah, he's worried about losing their first child, but if he sat at home while everyone else dealt with the upside down and someone didn't come back??? he'd never be able to live with himself
and when the bats get eddie and steve tries to use the mating bond to share some of eddie's pain, help him hold on until they get to the hospital, eddie weakly tries to tell him not to, to think of the baby. and steve's just. not having it. and once eddie wakes up from his medically induced coma he's like :(( why'd you do that and steve is just. so mad. he says yeah, if i had lost the baby (he doesn't, she's fine) that would have been the most terrible pain i'd ever felt. but it would have been worse if i lost you. and eddie's like. oh. bc maybe part of him has always been thinking that steve's only stuck with him bc he's the father of their kid. but no, steve loves him.
so eddie's crying, and steve's crying, and then steve shows eddie the ultrasound they did during eddie's coma to check the baby hadn't been hurt by the week of stress and danger and pain-sharing, and it's the first time they've been able to actually see the shape of a baby in all the weird white noise of an ultrasound, and now they're both crying even harder
#also nancy is definitely the friend that's like. oh you're 19 and married and pregnant?? that's so.. good! 🙃 yay im sure this will be fine🙃#robin WAS that friend but she's spent too long in steddies proximity and has realised that if they don't work out theres no hope for anyone#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#just. steve finally letting go of the last shreds of his upbringing and becoming 'white trash' and being so SO happy#also me 🤝 eddie: understanding that steve must be kept barefoot and pregnant at all times#everyone's like wow steve your alpha has a problem dude clearly can't keep it in his pants#steve has to be like no actually *I* have the problem#they're that couple you look at and you're like. they know about birth control right. like they know that exists#eddie tried to wear a condom once and steve was like i'd literally rather die#and then he was like im joking obviously we can slow down or stop with the kids if u want this is a partnership#eddie's like oh no i just thought YOU might want to karen chewed me out for not letting you rest. but if ur cool let's gooooo
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the rolling in the graves snippet
Nesta’s voice emerged from the closet, breathless with anger in a way that piqued Lucien’s every interest, entire focusing concern. “It has to be the silk taffeta?”
Word spit like a curse, coming around the corner half in a bodice she was quite actively falling out of, Nesta froze at the sight of Lucien in the middle of white rug she hated. Stopped, one arm crossed over her chest, and like it didn’t break him clean in half, smiled.
That quick quirk, her real smile, sharp and small. “Lucien.”
In daylight, in domesticity, her sister rattling around downstairs, Nesta saying his name.
Lucien slid forward, mindful of the intimacy it truly was, brushing his palm down her bare arm. “Nesta.”
She made a face, a quick-change of amusement, scowling gorgeous at the pause before she pulled him close.
An exhale, the slow sloping sun of late afternoon picking up a brighter, bloodier metric across her walls, pink and gold across Nesta’s bare skin.
Even Lucien’s magic wanted.
“Nesta,” Lucien said again, heedless of half filling his mouth with her hair, “What’s wrong?”
Shoulders low and teeth sharp against his collarbone, Nesta nuzzled as close as skin and bone would allow, before she sighed. “Fucking temple before dinner. Feyre wants us to match.”
“Like children,” Elain said, sunnily, from the doorway, unbothered by their closeness or the hiss Nesta let out, pure temper in the sound. “Mother had better taste.”
“Mother was a tyrant,” Nesta heaved out, tipped back in Lucien’s arms but not away, hand bunched in his shirt more than a small wonder. She turned in place, wordlessly offering him her half-bared back, pink-blotched neck curved down. “Vanserra’s good with knots.”
His first, desperate urge, was to kiss her nape. To follow Nesta down, heady on the sheer acknowledgement of one true thing.
His second was to start lighting things on fire.
Lucien could see where she’d tried to get it herself. Where the boning, structuring sheer panels around her waist, had dug in so deep as to leave marks. “Gifts,” Nesta sighed, poisonous. “From the High Lord.”
#they had no problem dressing her corpse walking and Lucien has problems with EVERYTHING#Listen#of course Elain aids and abets!#she's about to succeed in her hot lesbian summer#she doesn't want him#she wants to save her sister!#Not Feyre learning the tiny insidious marks of control straight from Rhysands playbook#and calling it love#Lucien having several heart attacks in one day over his secret affair being acknowledged as an important reality#honestly since the whole not married bombshell#a part of his brain has been CHURNING OUT THOUGHTS#Lucnes
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in fairness to the Not-Doctor, “things will magically disappear if I just ignore them hard enough” is a pretty reasonable conclusion to draw when Real!Doctor is having That conversation in the other room
#seriously pour one out for that not-thing#probably has to flip through pages and pages of#“how to control my limbs if I regenerate as a dog?”#“how to control my limbs if I regenerate as a space crab?”#“how to control-”#meanwhile not-Donna just has to figure out what she really means by “knee problems”#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#wild blue yonder#fourteenth doctor#donna noble#doctor who shitpost
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MACHINES
#potatart#my ocs#robots#robot oc#POTATO ROBOT STORY#(FOR ORGANICATIONAL PURPOSES)#I DONT FEEL LIKE CREATING ANOTHER ACCOUNT U_U#SORRY FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS IT JUST FEELS RIGHT ATM#FIRST GUY DOESNT HAVE A NAME BUT I AM OBSESSED WITH HIM. what if a robot had so so many mental problems#CHARACTER IN THE LAST IMAGE IS NAMED CENTI! SHES A GIRL NOW#i could not pass up the opportunity to make a centipedegirl so now all theee of the humans r girls#which is epic#the only context i really have for this is that robot fella in the first image has control over a lot of these robots#bc he is Spreading his Code
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what would happen if you told her you were saving money for a nice trip and could she contribute money towards that?
(she doesn’t have to know it is to go visit your Daddy)
Super appreciate you trying to help✨.
I don’t think that would go well. There’d be immediate questions of where I want to go, and no one would believe I’d want to go on trip by myself, and I don’t have anybody I can use as like a mom friendly cover story. But like I kinda don’t thing it’d get that far bc she’d be quick to be inviting herself. She brings up travel and going on trips a lot. She’s already heard a lot of me saying I haven’t been interested in traveling for a while (which is a little true but mostly I don’t want to go on more trips w her, it never goes well). It has felt to me that if share I want to go somewhere she’d want to plan the trip to come, and bring the whole family if she could. There’d just be a lot of questions and even if I could convince her I just want to do it alone, I feel like that would either get her like pre-worrying I’m going to die so then like all the questions (and prolly her sounding like she’d cry if I went on a trip and didn’t like immediately reply to her) or her making me feel like a shit person for not wanting to go w her (def feel like I’d get put on the spot to have to explain why I’d want to go alone).
I think my leading idea is to ask for some expensive curling iron (or set but I’ll need to specifically pick it out or she’d think anything id consider to be an improvement on what I have to be too pricey for what it is). If it’s an expensive she’ll hit the gift cap amount she has in her mind sooner and I won’t be asked to come up with as much.
#this specific kind of thing has been on my mind a lot bc i sooo want it to be easier on my end to go see my daddy#having a good lie is the only way i can think of that has any potential of going well#there’s like her seeming to feel too uncomfortable or too nosey to give anyone privacy around things#and this like believe that everyone is kinda useless and can’t do anything#which comes to her being overly controlling when she can or excessively worrying when she can’t#and making the worrying my problem to#I mentioned to her that I’m dating some bc I thought it’d be better than her worrying I’m just sitting in my apartment alone and depressed#which she very much thought and would be telling me she’s worried about me#but mentioning dating has been even worse#I think it’d just add to her thinking I’d get myself killed#well this just turned into venting in the tags#ask
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I need to know more about this attempt at a fourth Emily book
Oh gosh, I really haven’t thought about this for YEARS, this was a product of me being like 15 and naive enough to try and write an Emily x Dean happy ending without realizing that a purely romantic Dean was neither in the spirit of how LMM wrote him nor very interesting.
Basically, I erased a few of the years that passed between Ilse calling off the wedding and Teddy coming back to New Moon, so that the year after Emily and Teddy married, WWI began. Naturally, both Teddy and Perry would have been drafted. I envisioned Ilse moving back to PEI, and she and Emily would do comic and Rilla-ish things for the war effort. Meanwhile, Dean—who of course wouldn’t have been able to fight—comes back as well. He writes a book of pacifist poetry or something not particularly patriotic, which doesn’t endear him any better to the locals. In my teenaged mind, he and Emily would then resurrect something of romance. Whether or not it’s actively something consummated, Emily would have betrayed Teddy in spirit if not in body.
Now, though, if I were to follow this war-themed plot thread, I think I absolutely wouldn’t go that route. I think Emily’s attitude to Dean and to herself would have completely changed as she grew older and seen more of the world. She would understand him better and perhaps pity him just a little—she was so nearly him, losing the love of her life to someone else. I’m not entirely settled about how Dean would react to this change: On the one hand, I’m tempted to think that he would miss not being able to patronize her anymore (I'm sure he would try and it wouldn't work the way it used to). As with many Gothic pairings, their relationship relied on inequality. On the other hand, if underneath his possessive jealousy he really does care genuinely for Emily—which we might infer if only from the final scene when he admits that she can write—they might be able to negotiate a new kind of friendship, where Dean can claim his corner of her life without it being unnecessarily fraught. Even now, I'm not sure how much of this is possible--despite Emily's newfound cynicism, she still seems a bit naive at the end of EQ about what he intends about claiming a corner of her home--but I do believe that her own literary achievements would be able to help her hold her own against him.
In the end, I always intended Teddy and Perry to come home—as much as I enjoy tragedy, I couldn’t sacrifice either in good faith—though I assigned Perry many heroic war wounds. Emily also would have written a Great Canadian Novel based on the war that would have been set up as a counter to Dean's pacifist poems. In some ways their literary output would mark more than anything the divergence in their lives.
Thinking about this now is really interesting though in terms of our previous discussions of Walter in a pairing with Dean! I’m tempted to start writing fanfic scenarios about this instead now.
#i originally wanted to write an Emily bk 4 because i found another fanfic for a bk 4 somewhere on the internet and hated it#HATED IT#i think i was irrationally biased against it because ilse has a child and in no universe did i think that was in character for her#i did not contemplate the implications of a society before widespread birth control where she might not have a choice#it was just like. ilse wouldn’t be the type to become a mother. ergo she wouldn’t be a mother#tbh I almost think she would be the type to get an abortion but that’s another issue#i'm also convinced that the same fic included an endgame for dean with a character from the anne universe#but it wasn't even a more kosher romance like there was still an age gap problem and that was weirder to me without the tenuous excuse#that in emily dean had found something like a soulmate#lmm lockdown#emily of new moon#emily starr#dean priest#teddy kent
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playing Astarion's romance and rewatching Vanitas has given me so many vampire writing thoughts--
#important question. in a vampire situation would caleb or molly let the other drink their blood--#it makes me so soft to think about relationships with astar that begin with you trusting him enough to take that step almost immediately#but also. theres just something very compelling to me about the iconic vnc scene where noe nearly begs and. as close as they are.#vanitas looks him in the eye and says if he tries to drink his blood he'll kill him--(the fact that he's saying it for noes sake too#that it seems to be something he truly has no control over. that they're both at risk of lashing out and hurting the other if they're#not careful--)#anyway--#thinking about how so much of molly's power is tied to blood. how in the orders it was a common practice for lucien and the rest of#the blood hunters to mix their blood together and drink it. the way lucien gives cree a necklace with his blood in it#that she considers sacred--#lucien would drink caleb's blood no problem he was already doing that with the tombtakers. no vampirism required--#but I think in something like a vampire situation molly would be more hesitant. more worried about losing control---especially if he#associates all those powers and that hunger with lucien--#I think caleb would probably. try to make deals with people for some of their blood. would probably be starving a lot of the time and#molly would happily help him--#in the reverse. I feel like caleb would probably refuse to let anyone drink his blood. as a matter of holding onto his autonomy--#anyway!! blood hunter orders are very fun I feel like they lend themselves well to these kinds of AUs since they're already#so thematically similar to vampires--#this is just silly self indulgent ramblings I just think vampires are fun
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you hate clara in series 7? not a clara stan.
you hate clara in series 8? not a clara stan.
you hate clara in series 9? not a clara stan.
you think clara’s farewell in hell bent is bad? not a clara stan.
in conclusion, if you can’t take the time to understand her arc then you are not a clara stan.
#clara oswald#yes i’m gatekeeping#the transition from series 7 to 8 is a bit wobbly because of matt smith leaving when a plan for another series with him was being considered#but clara is still clara.#clara in series 7 has just begun travelling with the doctor. clara in series 8 is experienced in travelling with him.#that’s the difference.#and as for clara being a lot more bubbly in series 7#she admits that’s a way of masking her bossy control freak nature in time of the doctor#AND SHES STILL VERY BUBBLY AND CUTE AND CURIOUS IN SERIES 8#okay this isnt well thought out so excuse any typos or over dramatic use of words but#i’m tired of people acting like clara’s character did a complete 180 after series 7 when she’s still very much the same in my eyes#that’s not to say i have no problems with the transition from series 7 to 8 but that’s nothing to do with clara’s personality#i’m just disappointed we didn’t get to see her family as much and i think that’s one of my issues with danny.#i like his character but i think some scenes with him would have been better if they had been with clara’s family instead#okay i’m rambling i’ll stop now.
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ok at the point now where looking at an image of dennis makes me want to smash my head through a wall
#ada speaks#idk how ppl exist in this fandom who don't feel bad for him tbh#which is the last thing den wants bc being perceived as weak and pitiable is devastating to him but#chasing this mfer down to give him a hug#he is so. fucked up. he has been fucked up by every adult in his life.#i think the fandom perceives him as this spoiled rich kid who had it better than most of the gang but the reality is#he was failed just like the rest of them and it's almost worse because he doesn't – and almost CAN'T – recognize this#letting the protective ego-boosting and boasting drop leads to him having to confront SO much baggage and i don't think he is mentally able#i think he DOES know deep down that everything is a lie and he has been hurt because we see that self awareness in ptsdee and tends bar#but his relationship with everyone in the gang is so strained that i don't think he would be able to have a moment like charlie did in s15#even in tends bar there's a moment where they all recognize something is going on with him but immediately place him at the center#because he's the problem with him. anything done to him is his fault. it's not only something he reinforces. the gang does too#this must be because *dennis* has no feelings and he hates valentines day because everyone else is unlike him which makes *him* mad#the entire gang has an issue placing blame on themselves but to not even be able to conceive of dennis being hurt by them is. telling#because he's inhuman to them. it's how he's propped himself up and yet simultaneously hopes that they will see through that act#the way he reworks things in his mind so that everything is a consequence of his grand plan#means that he is always at fault regardless of whether he brushes the blame off#so he is not a *victim* of anyone else. because this was all under his control. he wasn't raped because he was initiating it.#klinsky was His Conquest. he was fourteen and she was in her fifties but he forced himself on her so that makes it His Fault.#it was a two way road. he's fourteen. and he 'entered' her. he's fourteen. but she was uncomfortable with his advances. but he was fourteen#cw csa mention
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Feels like Coco would call Lime “Lemon” or any other citrus fruit to piss him off every once and a while and the instinct to Bart Simpson style strangle her dwells from deep within him
GHJKFG THIS IS PHRASED HILARIOUSLY LMFAOOOOOO
i think shes the one who came up with the phrase "thats not lime thats lame"
#they get along better after the timeskip i think#coco stops teasing him so much about mochi because he is genuinely Sad(tm) and its a low blow at that point#she is the number 1 love advice guild member against her will#she knows the most about mochi and limes stupid love problems for each other#and taffy gets wrapped up in this too after the timeskip#if its cocos business it is also taffys business this is how relationships work#taffy just knowing fucking everything and lime is eternally afraid hes gonna say some out of pocket shit at any moment in front of mochi#coco being 100% of taffys impulse control at all times because he has no gauge for what not to say in front of mochi/lime
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Wife eternal dilemma of knowing her husband has real deep seeded issues about being effectively owned + used & internalizing that as part of his identity and wanting to help him heal from that — and also kind of wanting to lock him up in her basement
#I say eternal dilemma they do figure ir out#but I love u possessive control freak girl sooo much#she tries so hard to be good for him when all she wants is to make everyone else acknowledge the claim she has over every breath#she’s saved his life so many times…..that means it’s hers…. (<- PROBLEMS GIRL!!!!)#big fuckin robots and stuff
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Yeah I just figured out why I hate the term Eldest Daughter Syndrome as used commonly on the internet in general, but specifically in fandom-
It’s because it’s always bestowed as a badge of honor, meant to make someone seem meow meow blorbo-able, but the person I know best who actually fucking suffered for that phenomenon didn’t become slightly uwu anxious or a soft people pleaser or the most kind child caretaker ever or so #relatable tired
It made her a cunt
#I love my aunt#a LOT#I really do#she’s a complicated person with many good sides#and she fucking suffered let me tell you#but she also used her authority in that family to traumatize my mom almost as badly as their dad and I don’t say that likely#*lightly#like my mom is to this day more scared of her than her physically abusive father#gotten better but still deeply controlling#so when people say a character has EDS I hear Kill Bill sirens#and I ask the never asked question: do their younger siblings want their fucking problems being placed in them?#it’s not cute#anyway that’s just me#Tribble post#don’t mind me
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i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am
#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately#like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad#i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic#and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me#the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic#let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything#like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing#i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard#the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know#with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things#n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case#it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others#this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate#its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences#its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control#ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship#we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people#so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there#ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere
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