sweeney todd was so good i got my period early

MBTI✨ The Gatsby Method🍸🎩pt.2

entp (the debater)

x

infj (the advocate)

budding romance

(ft. intp (the logician) x entj (the commander) couple, and enfp (the campaigner) x intj (the architect) best friend gang)

--------------------------------

[entp's apartment. 10:30 pm. saturday night, party #2]

[intj comes storming in walking up to enfp and intp]

intj: i hope you know your little prank caused me to loose a client.

intp: wait... so you're telling me, someone who can afford an expensive architect to design their vacation home, DOESNT appreciate a handle bar mustache and penis art all over one's face??

enfp: [covers their mouth as they snorts into a giggle] 🤭😆

intj: [dead pan] i hope you two rot. [walks off]

enfp: intjjjjj, wait! [still laughing] it wasn't even me! it was intp and entp! 🤣

[intp sees entp standing adjacent to the front door, goes to investigate]

intp: [from behind in entp's ear] are you planning on using gorilla warfare tactics on infj when they show up?

entp: [flinches from being startled] god! how do you do that??

intp: um entp you forget, i was a green beret. [scoffs and sips drink]

entp: you were never even in the army.

intp: [looks with slightly squinted eyes trying to be mysterious] and that's exactly what i want you to think...

entp: oh my god.

[entp's phone buzzes]

[incoming call from infj]

entp: hey, uh where are you at?

infj over phone: i am so, so, sorry, i got called into the embassy, they're trying to get the italian ambassador extradited, and the italian consulate is having a field day- anyway it's a giant cluster fuck. i'm not gonna be able to make to the party tonight.

entp: oh well that's unfortunate, but hey you know stuff happens, [kind tone] i hope you get everything all sorted out.

infj over phone: me too. look, i'm sorry again, the italian consulate will have an answer tonight, if only the party was tomorrow... anyway i should probably go-

entp: actually the party is a um, two day event!

infj over the phone: really? two days? wouldn't this be day three, though??

entp: umm, uhuh, yeah so friday was ya know the small little wine n' cheese get together, tonight is the main event, and uh tomorrow is like uh, closing ceremonies. it's very casual tho. 😬

infj over the phone: ..... well... it's uh, ahaha definitely different, but i guess i'm glad it's a weird three day event, so i can make up for missing it twice, aha.

entp: oh yeah it's no big deal. so um see you tomorrow, 8pm??

infj over the phone: i guess you will, ahaha...

[entp goes up to intp, & entj]

entp: sooo lil snag, in the Gatsby-ing. infj is caught up in a work thing... again.

intp: right... "work thing"

entp: no, no, don't do that, don't do air quotes, i believe it. [quietly] ...kind of... anyway we need to have another party tomorrow night.

entj: what the fuck?! [throws hands up] the only way i got rid of my hang over from yesterday was drinking more tonight!...i'm so drunk... [looks off into space]

intp: [smiling, pats entj on the back]

entp: anywayyyy... the Gatsby-ing will continue tomorrow, tonight, let's see what embarrassing stuff we can get intj to do.

intp: you know i truly hate these social events. and a hungover entj is like a rabid dog mixed with a whiny over eater at a buffet when they run out of mash potatoes.

entj: wha- what dog?! we don't have any dog! [gasps] [looks at intp with puppy eyes 🥺] we should get a dogggg, oooo a lil puppppyyy!

intp: okkk, we'll get one on the way home... [shakes head smiling]

entp: look i know, i know, but tomorrow's the night, i feel it in mahhh boness!

intp: mmmhhmm. you sure are doin a lot for someone you barely know...

entp: you ever meet someone, and it just feels like you've known them your whole life...

intp: [looks over at entj in the kitchen with enfp]

entj: TAKKKEEE MEEE HOMMME COUNTRYYY ROADDDSS- WES VAGINA, MOUTH IN MAMBA- TAKE ME HOMMEEE COUNTRY HOOOEESSSSS!!

intp: [looks back at entp] no, but i have met someone who continues to bewildered and intrigue me.

entp: well that's one kind, ahaha, but the one i'm talkin about is ancient...

intp: nodding along... but confused, continue.

entp: ok look i don't know how to explain it, this shit is complicated, but idk it... it feels important... or whatever... ok, so let's not make a thing of it... but it is a thing.

intp: ok. [shrugs] i'll get more red cups tomorrow.

not totally sure if i can even put this into a prompt (or if it even is one tbh its more of a thought???? make of it what you will ahaha), but i immediately PICTURED FAHC Michael walking onto the scene, something has /definitely/ blown up and everything is a mess, and he's 100% unfazed, maybe snackin on something, and says “Was there a scuffle?”

[Also on Ao3 because this got longer than anticipated lmao]

Back when he was young and desperate for approval and responsibility, Michael had begged Geoff to trust him with his own little group to lead on smaller heists and stickups. Nothing much. Just him and Gavin, and maybe Jeremy. Something to prove that he could handle more than working demo or serving as extra muscle.

He was surprised when Geoff hadn’t even bothered to fight him on it. He’d just leveled Michael with that analyzing look he got whenever he was considering something. And then he’d just shrugged and said “Sure. But don’t come crying to me when shit goes down.”

Michael had walked out of Geoff’s office with the biggest grin on his face and a hundred different ways to paint the city red.

*

Three years later, Michael thinks Geoff is the biggest bastard in Los Santos. Dickbag knew exactly how it would play out. How Jeremy’s chaos, Gavin’s encouragement, and his anger would all interact. Sure, the Lads were efficient, but they also tended to leave a massive swathe of destruction in there wake. Something Michael is usually left to clean up. 

Sometimes it’s not so bad. Sometimes Trevor and Alfredo join them. Both of them, mercifully, think more than one step ahead, and they can escape with less collateral damage. Sometimes he has no fucking idea what to expect, but he knew it was going to be a wild night when Fiona showed up dressed as a teletubby. 

He loves being the leader of the Lads, don’t get him wrong. It’s just that sometimes he feels more like a mother or underpaid babysitter. 

Case in point: tonight.

He’d left Gavin, Jeremy, and Fiona to take a piss for Christ’s sake. He was gone all of -- what? -- two minutes? Apparently that’s all it takes for them to start trouble. 

They like to frequent rowdier bars when going out for bevs. The likelier they are to have a secret illegal fight club going on, the better. 

It isn’t uncommon for them to stumble across places with drunken brawls. Any idiot can start a fight. Michael just hopes that it isn’t his idiots this time.

Of course, that would be too much to ask, wouldn’t it? 

He narrowly dodges a glass shattering against the wall when he steps out of the men’s room. A large crowd is gathered in a circle in the middle of the bar, and he can’t see what’s going on. But he doesn’t need to. As soon as he hears Gavin and Fiona’s drunken cheering -- “Get’em Lil’J!” and “Fuck’em up!” -- and Jeremy hap-happing to hype himself up, Michael groans. 

How irresponsible would it be to just go back into the bathroom?

He doesn’t -- damn him and his conscience -- but he doesn’t get involved either. It’s about time they learn that good ole Mikey won’t always be there to save them. So, he heads to the bar instead. Ordering a virgin whatever and some mixed nuts, he ducks his head, and pointedly ignores the bad decision happening behind him. 

To the bar’s credit, they actually get security to intervene. 

Just not until after someone -- presumably Fiona, but really it could have been any of them -- bites and scratches another person. It’s a flurry of angry French, panicked squawking, as two buff guys haul the two Europeans over their shoulders and carry them like sacks of potatoes. Another two guys have to wrestle Jeremy to the ground before carrying him out and tossing him to the curb as well. 

Michael sighs. Part of him really wants to let them sit out in the cold rain and calm down. The more realistic part of him knows that the longer he leaves them alone, the more likely they are to get into more trouble. He knocks back the rest of his non-alcoholic drink, slams a few dollars down on the counter, and picks up his bag of nuts. Casually, he makes his way out of the bar.

It takes him longer than he’d like to find them For three drunk people, they move fucking fast. He doesn’t even see them first, just hears their drunken arguing and follows it until he tracks them down to a sheltered bus stop. 

“Stop, don’t touch my face,” he hears Jeremy snap. “I don’t want to fucking talk to you.”

“But Jeremy,” Gavin whines, “My hands are cold! It’ll help the swelling!”

“Oh my god, both of you shut uuuuuuuup,” Fiona groans. And then, more quietly, like she’s just realizing it, “Guys, I think I bit that guy...There’s blood in my mouth.”

Michael’s coming up behind them, sees them seated on a bench, leaning on each other. Gavin shoves his hands in Jeremy’s face, making the other man recoil in pain. “What are you -- Gavin, stop -- Ow!”

Michael knocks against the glass of the bus shelter and comes around to lean against the frame. He pops a few nuts into his mouth and chews on them while the others process his sudden appearance. “So,” he says after swallowing. “Was there a scuffle or something?”

Gavin’s eyes light up and he throws himself at Michael, his arms wrapping around him in a loose hug. “Micoo!” he coos. He turns slightly to look at Jeremy and Fiona, both of whom are glowering and covered in blood. “I told you he wouldn’t leave us! Micoo would never leave his boi!”

It takes a lot to keep his face trained into a disappointed scowl. He’s angry. He’s fuckin’ pissed. Not so much because of the fight but more because they just ran off. But it’s hard to be mad when Gavin is acting like a cuddly koala, draping himself over Michael’s shoulders like he’s trying to be a blanket.

Fiona opens her mouth to say something, but a pathetic whimper escapes Jeremy’s mouth when he pokes at his tender, swollen face. And, shit, that’s enough to soften Michael’s expression at least a bit. The yelling can wait. It’ll be more effective when they’re sober. 

“C’mon,” he sighs. “I’ve got ice packs and wet wipes in the car. Let’s get you guys home.”

He holds his hand out to Jeremy, who takes it meekly. Fiona stands and slinks after them as they walk back to Michael’s car. She pauses every now and then to spit onto the sidewalk, making a disgusted noise every time. When they make it to the car, he pops the trunk and pulls out a first aid kit for Jeremy. He fishes out some ice packs and Gavin keeps himself entertained by placing band-aids on anything he deems to be a “boo-boo.”

Then he pulls out his emergency bag and lets Fiona unbox the toothbrush and toothpaste. She needs it more than he does right now and he always carried a spare just in case someone else was with him when they have to run. 

Once everyone is more or less cleaned up, he piles them all into the back seat. He’d love to enforce the seat belt rule, but something tells him that’s a losing battle. They all slump against each other, and it’s a tight squeeze back there anyway. As long as he drives carefully, they should be fine. 

He slides into the front seat, adjusts his mirrors, and turns the engine. It’s quiet and sleepy, but as he peels out of the parking space, he hears a small chorus of “Thank you, Michael”-s.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up you fucking idiots,” he says, but the smile on his lips and the fondness in his voice betray him.

Twenty minutes later they’re stumbling through the door to the penthouse. He shoos his drunk friends to their rooms, making sure they’re laying down on their sides with a bucket nearby, and making double sure Jeremy is without a concussion. 

Geoff is sitting at the kitchen counter, Diet Coke in one hand and heist plans in the other. He lifts an eyebrow and his eyes sparkle with the same amusement they always do whenever Michael brings the Lads home from an exciting night. “How’d it go?” he asks.

Historically, Michael has been known to flip him off and not say anything, but now he’s taken to pulling up a chair and commiserating.

"This is your goddamned fault,” Michael says, not because he means it, but more because it’s what he always says when shit like this happens.

Geoff shrugs and takes a sip of his soda. “You fuckin’ asked for it, kiddo,” he answers, because that too, is part of the tradition. They’re silent for a beat, and then he breaks the pattern. “But, for what it’s worth, you make a pretty good mama bear.”

And y’know what? Coming from Geoff -- a professional cat herder if there ever was one -- that means a fucking lot. Michael steals his can and takes a drink to conceal his smile.

Syzygy

“Shizuo didn't ask for any of this, but maybe there is such a thing as being in the right place at the right time.”

((click here to read on ao3!))

Shizuo hates places like this.

Sure, he used to bar tend. It was actually one of his most favorite gigs before that bastard flea got him arrested and fired, but that was a swanky place, rarely any incidences to invoke the wrath of the muscled bouncer usually lurking in the corner. This place is another story entirely, and Shizuo is considering asking if Shinra has any ibuprofen on him to combat the reverberance of the bass in his ears.

It's not anyone's fault but his own. Shizuo could have said no to coming out. He wanted to, but Celty asked him, said it wouldn't be fun without all her friends there, and Shizuo reluctantly agreed on the grounds that Shinra treat him to drinks and bar food, preferably wings. Shinra has delivered on his end of the bargain, but no one else deemed to show up but the three of them, Kadota and the gang citing they had something else to do, which is likely staking out in front of the comic store to await the release of some closet manga. Shizuo is tipsy, has a headache, and is a third-wheel.

He grinds his teeth, looks around to distract himself while the two lovebirds across from him snuggle it up in the dingy-ass booth like it's the finest linen in the country. There's no one worth paying attention to. Pretty women are all over, lining up the walls and dressed in—what could be considered clothing, if one was feeling generous. Shizuo can recognize their appeal, but he doesn't want to strike up a conversation with any of them because...what would he even say? Besides, he doesn't think he'll meet the love of his life in a place like this. People always say it happens when you aren't looking.

There isn't a band playing tonight. Sometimes local bands get gigs here, and Shizuo wishes there was one on stage to distract himself with, but instead electronic music is blaring, the lights are dim, and the bar is so packed that Shizuo doubts he could get another drink without standing there like an asshole for a few minutes. He sighs heavily, tongues his teeth, considers throwing the table into the dancing crowd, decides against it. He looks up when he hears his name being called.

“What?” he asks, raising his voice to be heard over the music.

“I said you don't look like you're having fun!” Shinra says, leaning over the table to holler into Shizuo's face. Shizuo throws a balled up bar napkin at him.

“I wonder why the fuck that is,” Shizuo huffs, crossing his arms and leaning back into the booth.

“I'm sorry. You can go if you want to. I know this evening didn't turn out how I described.” Despite just being text on a screen, Shizuo can feel the emotion in Celty's words, and he knows her tone would be apologetic if he could hear it.

“It's fine, I just— It's loud.”

“It's a bar!” Shinra shouts. If Shizuo is tipsy, Shinra must be wasted, and he's certainly getting more handsy with Celty than Shizuo would like to be witness to.

“No shit.”

“Really, Shizuo, you can go! We probably will soon too. Shinra is an awful drunk, he's likely to cause a scene soon.” Celty's screen is almost too bright in this low light. Shizuo considers his options. What the fuck else is he going to do, sit here for another hour? Watch the scantily dressed women turn down advances from desperate men? He could even go into the graffiti-laden bathroom, if he was feeling adventurous.

Going home really is the most appealing option. It's not his fault no one else came. Shizuo should have been smart and ditched as well, seeing as Shinra only ever wants alone time with Celty anyway. Besides, the wings were too greasy, and Shizuo is pretty sure he has leftover yakitori in his fridge from overestimating his appetite two days earlier. Worst case, he'll just eat some ice cream and call it a night. It sounds above and beyond what he's currently doing.

He's getting ready to say he's on his way out when a scent catches his attention. A familiar scent. His fingers grip the table, cracking the wood underneath as his eyes scan the crowd. Surely Shinra didn't invite Izaya, right? This was supposed to be a friendly gathering, and there's nothing friendly about that parasitic fucker. But—no. Shinra wouldn't have done that. Shinra knows better. But as Shizuo watches Shinra drunkenly slosh whatever the fuck is in that glass down the front of his shirt, he wonders is Shinra actually knows anything at all.

It takes longer than it normally would for Shizuo to locate Izaya. There's a lot of people in here for one, and for another, Izaya isn't dressed in his usual attire. He ditched the coat, has opted for a short sleeved black T-shirt that appears to be artfully tucked in to some light gray plaid slacks that are rolled up around the ankles. Shizuo has never understood that “rolling up” bullshit. Why buy pants if you have to do that to make them fit? Just wear shorts if you want them shorter! And of course Izaya would be one of the idiots indulging in the trend. Of fucking course. Shizuo grinds his teeth, prepares for a fight, but Izaya...isn't alone?

A tall, well-dressed man is guiding Izaya through the crowd, a hand settled between Izaya's bony shoulder-blades. They settle at an empty table by the bar, and Shizuo watches with the impossible realization that Izaya didn't come here for him.

For some reason, Shizuo feels sick to his stomach. He blames the shitty wings.

Izaya already has a drink in his hand, and so does the well-dressed asshole. They're talking, and Shizuo can see Izaya smiling, laughing at whatever the hell is being said. Well-Dressed reaches across the table, touches his fingers to Izaya's, and Izaya pulls his hand back, makes a playful admonishing gesture before resting his chin in his hand and giving a sultry gaze back to the man.

“What are you looking at?” Shinra asks suddenly, and Shizuo tears his eyes away from Izaya's pouty lips. So Shinra has no idea Izaya is here? That means Izaya really is here with someone for...a date?

It doesn't sit well with Shizuo. At all.

“I need a drink,” Shizuo says, downing the rest of his and standing so quickly it rattles the table. He hurries to the bar, settles at the corner, not really caring how long it takes for the bartender to get to him because that's not why he came over here. It's very loud with everyone talking over the thrumming music, but Shizuo focuses on as much as he can on what Izaya is talking about.

He has to make sure Izaya isn't scheming something, right? The guy he's with could be bad news. They could be planning trouble.

“—glad you could come out with me, Izaya-san.” Well-Dressed's voice is deep, and apparently he's on a first name basis with Izaya. Shizuo turns his head a bit to see the guy's fingers have once again settled over Izaya's.

“Your choice of venue is...surprising,” Izaya says, taking a sip from his drink. “It's not usually where I conduct my business, but I'm always up for a change of scenery.”

“Come now, surely you know this isn't just a meeting,” Well-Dressed says. “You came here looking absolutely gorgeous, after all. Did you dress up for me?”

Shizuo grinds his teeth, forces himself to stop so he can keep listening.

“Ahaha! Well, I never reveal my secrets, you know? You said to wear whatever I wanted.” Izaya takes another sip. “I'm glad to know you find it appealing.”

“I do. I do. You always look amazing, Izaya-san, but you look especially so when you're here just for me.”

“Now, now, Touma-san. You're being very touchy. If you start too forward too fast, you'll burn out soon.”

“Oh? Do we have plans later?” Well-Dressed, Touma-san, asks.

“Who's to say? The night is young, after all. I'm only suggesting you pace yourself. If you pass out, I'm certainly not going to feel pity for you,” Izaya says.

“How cruel!” Touma laughs, downing his drink in one go. “I like that about you, Izaya-san. I promise I'll be coherent for whatever you want me for later.”

“A bold promise,” Izaya says, following Touma's lead and drinking the remainder of his glass. “Who knows what I could want? It's a risk you're taking.”

“I'm a gambling man,” Touma all but purrs. Shizuo tastes bile in the back of his throat.

“Can I help you?”

Shizuo looks up to see the bartender is in front of him at last.

“Uh, yeah, I'll just...have a beer,” Shizuo says absently, still trying to focus on Izaya.

“What kind?” The bartender asks, sounding impatient. Shizuo hears Izaya laugh again, feels insane with the need to know why.

“I don't care! Anything!” Shizuo snaps, and then quieter he adds, “I'm sorry, no, just— Your choice, your favorite. It's my last of the night, so surprise me.”

The bartender goes off to do just that, leaving Shizuo back to his eavesdropping. A new voice has joined the two, and Shizuo turns a bit to see a woman hovering around the table, chatting it up with Izaya.

“Thank you for your patience!” she's saying, a tray in her hand. “It's so crazy tonight! But we expected it, right? What can I get for you?”

“I'll take another Macallan, rocks. And you, Izaya-san? I'm treating you, of course.”

“Here you go,” the bartender says as he returns, setting a glass of beer in front of Shizuo. “Do you want to try it first?”

“No thanks, that's great,” Shizuo says, fishing some money out of his pocket. He can always force Shinra to pay him back later. Speaking of Shinra, Shizuo should probably go check back in with Celty. But then how will he know what's going on with Izaya?

Shizuo sighs, tastes the beer. It's good.

What's he even doing here? He didn't want to come out at all, and now he's spying on Izaya, who is obviously not plotting anything, and just wants to fuck this douchey Touma guy later. Shizuo doesn't know why that bothers him so much, but it does, it does, and the fact that it does pisses Shizuo off to no end because he can't figure out why it would.

He should just go home. Finish this beer, say his goodbyes, go home, sleep off these weird, drunken feelings. He decides to do that, but first, he looks over at the couple one more time when he hears the waitress return.

She's very pretty, and she seems to think Izaya is either also pretty or nice or maybe both, because she strikes a conversation with him, a small flush on her face, and Izaya is nothing but pleasant in his responses. Shizuo growls at the thought, because she doesn't even know Izaya, and maybe this Touma guy doesn't either, maybe Izaya is the problem, so Shizuo looks at Touma just in time to see the glimpse of Touma's hand over Izaya's glass before quickly retreating and—

And.

“Fuck,” Shizuo says, realizing what it is he just saw. He considers his options, puts a hand in his hair and yanks. What the hell is he supposed to do in this situation?! Since when should he be the one to save Orihara Izaya?! “That fucker can handle himself. And if not, he'd deserve it. This whole thing is fucking—stupid, ugh, I'm pissed off,” Shizuo mutters to himself, drawing a few looks from those around him. Angrily, he chews the inside of his cheek. “It's not my problem. It's not like I wanted to be here or see that. Nope. It's his own damn fault for going out with shady trash.”

“Are you...okay?” A man to his right asks.

“Fuck off,” Shizuo snaps, and the guy runs away. Shizuo turns again to Izaya, sees Izaya take a drink from the glass, and Shizuo doesn't think, can't think as he marches towards Izaya's table, clearing a path through the crowd by shoving and not caring who gets mad about it.

“Shizu-chan!” Izaya almost shouts, and Shizuo takes one second to wonder how drunk Izaya is already before he yanks Touma out of his chair by his collar. “What a surprise.”

“You know this clown?!” Touma sputters, and Shizuo snarls at him, lifts his feet right off the ground.

“He's an old friend,” Izaya says with a grin, and Shizuo is too late to stop Izaya from taking another long sip of the drink, but Shizuo does manage to reach back and slap it out of his hand before anymore damage is done. “Well,” Izaya huffs. “That was just unnecessary.”

“This fucker put something in your drink!” Shizuo snarls first to Izaya, and then he shakes Touma back and forth, makes the bastard's head bobble like a toy. “You think no one here would notice something like that, huh?! You think everyone is stupid? That I'm stupid?! Are you CALLING me STUPID?!”

Izaya observes the shattered glass on the floor, frowns, and looks up at Shizuo with an entirely bizarre expression. Izaya should be concerned, he should be pissed, he should be asking Shizuo to kill this worthless guy, but as it is, Izaya is only watching Shizuo with a dopey grin on his face, and then he stifles giggles behind his hands.

“Oh no!” Izaya says, seemingly unconcerned. “I'm in real danger now! I've really done it this time.”

“What the fuck—“ Shizuo starts, but he's distracted by Touma's fist connecting with his face.

“Actually,” Izaya lilts, “Touma-san has really done it this time.”

To Shizuo's credit, he only punches Touma once or twice before flinging him across the entire room. Touma collides with a wall, lands in a crumpled heap of limbs, and doesn't stand back up. Shizuo stands with his fists clenched, ignoring the shock of the crowd in favor of turning back to Izaya, who is—trying to flag down a waitress for more drinks.

“Izaya!” Shizuo snaps, slapping the table and making Izaya almost jump out of his own skin. Izaya grins and looks up at him, makes a real show of giving Shizuo his undivided attention.

“Yes?”

“Did you fucking hear me?! That guy drugged you! He put something in your glass and you drank it!” Shizuo shakes the table a bit more, but Izaya only laughs again.

“Yes, I heard, and that's very unfortunate. Nothing I can do about it now. Boo, Shizu-chan, I think you scared everyone away,” Izaya says with a pout.

Shizuo sees red.

“How are you not getting this?! Who the fuck knows what he gave you? Shouldn't you be—I don't know, scared? You need to go to the hospital before it kicks in!”

“Relax, would you? It was probably just a roofie. It wouldn't be the first time.” Izaya stands, stumbles a bit, and turns to face Shizuo with such a dramatic flair that Shizuo honestly wonders if Izaya will hit the ground. “Besides, why would you care? Shouldn't you be trying to kill me now?”

“I—“ Shizuo begins. He thinks of a lie, but that's bullshit anyway, and what does he care what Izaya thinks? “I won't fight you when you're like this. It wouldn't be fair, and I'm not sleazy and underhanded like you.”

“How noble of you,” Izaya says. “I'm very impressed. Remind me to send you a fruit basket later. Or...a tub of Milk Bones.” Izaya suddenly bursts into laughter, and Shizuo is so baffled he forgets to be angry. “Get it?! Because—it's a dog treat—and you love milk...!”

“How much have you had?” Shizuo asks. He never thought he'd see Izaya like this. Getting drunk together is something friends do, or strangers who have no reason to dislike each other yet. Seeing an enemy in this state is...otherworldly.

“Oh, I don't know. Touma-san was boring. Did you hear him? Hey, were you watching us?” Izaya's gaze sharpens, and Shizuo feels himself jolt to attention, but then Izaya is giggling again. “He was so uninteresting that I wanted to drink myself stupid!”

Shizuo hates to admit it, but he knows Izaya well enough to know this isn't like Izaya at all. Izaya is careful, quick, untouchable. Izaya allowing any of this to happen seems like an impossibility, and Shizuo is waiting for Izaya to pull a knife out and say, “just kidding!”

“That's really fucking stupid,” Shizuo says, and Izaya stops laughing as abruptly as he started.

“Well, you are an expert in stupidity.” Izaya sighs and then he turns on his heel, sways, rights himself before he tumbles over. “See ya, Shizu-chan. Remind me to thank you later!”

Shizuo reacts before he can think better of it. He reaches out and grabs Izaya's collar, yanks him backwards until he's falling, and then Shizuo picks him up under the armpits like Izaya is a diseased stray that might bite him.

“Shizu—! Put me down!” Izaya snaps, kicking his feet out in what very much resembles a tantrum.

“Shinra is here. You should go home with him so you don't die.”

“I don't want to go home with Shinra! I want to get another drink!”

“And you don't fucking NEED another drink, I-za-ya!”

“Like you care what I need! Why are you—ugh, put me down! If you aren't going to snap my neck, I don't want you anywhere near me!”

“As if I want to be— Wait. Why would you want me to snap your neck?!”

Shizuo's violence didn't do much in thinning the crowd. The place is still packed, and it takes a while to carry Izaya back to where Shizuo was sitting earlier with his friends, especially because Izaya is fighting against being carried. Of course, Shinra and Celty aren't there anymore. Why would anything be easy?

Izaya seems to have worn himself out. His limbs are hanging by his sides, and from what Shizuo can see, Izaya is pouting very openly.

“Fuck. They left already,” Shizuo hisses. He doesn't know how long he's been gone from the table, but he can't be mad at them for assuming Shizuo was already gone.

“Can you let me go now?” Izaya asks. Shizuo shakes him around violently, and the next thing Izaya says sounds like “Guh.”

Grumbling to himself, Shizuo carries Izaya out of the bar and into the chilly night air where it's quieter. Seeing Izaya silhouetted in the neon lights of the city is a much more familiar sight to Shizuo, but he can't pretend any of this is normal behavior for them. Izaya has resumed trying to kick him, and based on Izaya's increasing giggles, Shizuo can tell Izaya is still drunk as shit.

“You know, Shizu-chan,” Izaya says in a whimsical voice, “if you hadn't thrown Touma-san across the bar and let him crawl away to safety, we could have asked what he gave me.”

“I didn't think about asking him anything. He deserved to bleed.”

“You rarely think, so I suppose I can't blame you. Just let me call a cab home! I'd much rather pass out in my own bed.”

“Shut the fuck up a minute, flea,” Shizuo growls, pulling his phone out of his pocket and selecting Shinra from his contacts. He holds Izaya by his collar now. “If he says you can go home and die, you can go home and die.” As much as Shizuo would love for Izaya to suffer, Izaya being drugged and left to die isn't something Shizuo can let himself live with.

If anyone is going to kill Izaya, it's going to be Shizuo. Shizuo is the only one who's earned it, and if Izaya doesn't stop kicking him, Izaya is going to die tonight for another reason than drugs.

“Shizuo-kun!” Shinra's voice fills his ear suddenly. “We couldn't find you! You went home, right?”

“No. Listen, Izaya is here—“

“Izaya-kun? Oh... Um, Shizuo-kun, I'm really not someone who hides bodies...”

“Shut up, it's not that! I saw Izaya get drugged, and I need to know if he can go home!”

“Drugged?” Shinra sounds...very unconcerned. Why the hell is Shizuo the only one taking something like this seriously? “Well. Is he conscious?”

“Yes.”

“Vomiting? Is he cognizant? Does his heart seem fine?”

“He's—the same as always. He's drunk, but he's not acting anything other than drunk. Hang on...” Shizuo shakes Izaya a bit. “Is your heart fine?”

“How would I know that?” Izaya asks as he dangles.

“You should be the first to know if it wasn't!” Shizuo hisses. Izaya's collar twists in his hand, and Izaya turns enough to face him, a deadpan expression on his face.

“Clearly it's beating,” Izaya says slowly, like he's talking to an infant. “I can't say whether that's good or bad, since it means I'm alive to suffer in your company.”

“He's as fine as he ever is,” Shizuo says into the phone, trying very hard to restrain the urge to throw Izaya as far as he can and see if Izaya skips like a stone.

“It was probably something to make him lose consciousness. The biggest concern will be making sure he doesn't choke to death on his own vomit, but he should be fine,” Shinra says.

“Okay, then I'll bring him to your place so you can monitor him,” Shizuo says, and he balks as Shinra laughs outright into his ear.

“Oh, no, I don't want him here. Celty and I have plans.” Shinra's tone suggests all kinds of things Shizuo doesn't want to think about.

“Plans can be put on hold!” Shizuo snaps, and he hears Izaya sigh heavily.

“My Celty can never be put on hold! Besides, I'm incredibly drunk myself. I can't monitor anyone properly. You could take him to the hospital, but otherwise, there's nothing else I can do or suggest.”

“You—what?!” Shizuo is left speechless as Shinra hangs up on him, leaving him alone in dealing with Izaya, who Shizuo doesn't even like.

“Well,” Izaya says, “that was certainly a helpful conversation. You have the best ideas, Shizu-chan.”

“What the fuck, he just— Has everyone gone crazy but me?” Shizuo asks, and Izaya laughs.

“Aw, is this the first time Shinra has chosen Celty over you? It's okay, you get used to it,” Izaya says. “Now then, you heard him. I'll be fine! I'm sure you can sleep much easier at night knowing I'm alive and well and plotting your demise.”

“Fuck you, he said you needed monitoring. I'm dropping you off at the hospital.”

“They won't accept me as a patient if I don't want to go,” Izaya says. “Besides, I'm beginning to doubt you saw anything at all. Maybe you just wanted to ruin my date! Pettiness is unflattering.”

Shizuo sees red, shoves Izaya against a wall and sees a flash. He finds himself wrenching a knife out of Izaya's hand before he tosses it to the side and glares into Izaya's stupid smug face.

“Yeah? And look where your date got you! Here, with me, because no one gives a shit about you or whether you die! How's that feel, I-za-ya? How's it feel to know if you didn't wake up tomorrow that no one but me would even notice?”

Izaya's eyes are wide, and if Shizuo didn't know what to look for, he'd honestly think Izaya didn't care. But Izaya looks baffled, and it takes just a few seconds too long for him to reply.

“It doesn't matter,” Izaya says, and Shizuo flattens him further into the wall.

“It matters. You think you can hide behind your stupid words and try to convince yourself you're above being scared, but I'm not buying it. I've never bought anything you've said, and I'm not starting to now. You wanna go home and die alone? Well guess what, even that's more than you deserve.” Shizuo lifts Izaya up again, starts walking towards his own apartment.

“Stop it— Shizu-chan, just put me down, I hate this! I hate you! If you take me inside your monster hovel, I'll destroy everything you own!”

“I don't own much,” Shizuo says. “And I know you hate me. I hate you, too. The best payback I can think of would be making you die in my company.”

Izaya pauses in his thrashing, chokes in a way that makes Shizuo worry he's about to be barfed on, but then Izaya is laughing loudly in a way Shizuo has never heard before. It's not forced or sarcastic or...asshole-ish like Izaya is. It's genuine.

“How cruel!” Izaya cackles. “I didn't think Shizu-chan could be so vindictive! You're right; that's about the worst fate there is!”

Shizuo could argue an even worse fate would be Izaya left in the hands of that Touma creep, unconscious and...

“Hey,” Shizuo says suddenly, unable to contain his curiosity. “That guy, do you think he was gonna kidnap you and kill you?”

Izaya scoffs. “No. He wasn't thinking with anything but his dick. He's been trying to fuck me for a while now, and ordinarily I wouldn't have even entertained him, but his boss is a good client of mine, and I thought Touma-san might be full of useful information. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't. He was boring and touchy.”

Shizuo grits his teeth at the idea. For once, Izaya's using of people isn't what Shizuo is angry about.

“That fucker,” Shizuo hisses. “Taking advantage of anyone like—that. It's lower than low, lower than dirt. I should've killed him.”

“Even if it was me?” Izaya asks. “He'd deserve death even if it was just me he was taking advantage of?”

“Shut up. No one deserves that, not even you.”

Izaya laughs again, but it's so bitter it makes Shizuo wince. “You really are cruel, Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo doesn't ask for an elaboration. He doesn't think Izaya would be honest with him anyway, but then again, aren't people always saying drunken words are sober thoughts? What about roofied words? How the hell is Izaya still conscious anyway?

When he opens his door, he's happy to be out of the cold, and even happier to be home. Like this, it's easy to forget about Izaya, who is now draped across his back and...possibly unconscious? Izaya has been silent for an eerie length of time, and somehow Shizuo hasn't been stabbed yet.

He dumps Izaya onto the couch, and Izaya lands in a heap of limbs before immediately sitting upright and looking around, his face absolutely gleeful.

“Shizu-chan! Your place is a lot cleaner than I thought it would be! But then again, I assumed you slept hanging from the ceiling. Maybe you do? Your bedroom is this way, right?” Izaya asks as he rolls to his feet and starts towards Shizuo's room.

“Oi! Sit back down!” Shizuo hisses, yanking Izaya backwards and tossing him onto the couch. “This couch and my bathroom are all you have access to! If I see you anywhere near my room, I'm beating the fuck out of you.”

“Scary!” Izaya crosses his legs and grins up at Shizuo. “So then. Are we having a slumber party?”

“I'm waiting for you to pass out. Oh, also...” Shizuo goes to his fridge, pulls out his leftover food, and doesn't bother heating it up before devouring it. Izaya watches him with obvious fascination, and Shizuo hates the pinpricks he feels at knowing Izaya's keen gaze is on him.

“Do you want some water?” Shizuo asks, feeling like an alien in his own home.

“Well, it would probably help,” Izaya says. “Have you got any alcohol?”

“You don't need alcohol, you shitty fucking louse. You're fucked up enough.”

“I feel sober!” Izaya says, but his flushed face and swaying demeanor beg to differ. “Just the water then. The sooner I sober up, the sooner I can get away from you.”

Shizuo grits his teeth as he pours Izaya a glass of water, and when he stomps over to the couch, he shoves it at Izaya so forcefully that the water sloshes out of the glass and onto Izaya's chest.

“How are you gonna act high and mighty even when I'm doing you a favor? You should be fucking thankful that you aren't in a ditch somewhere!” Shizuo growls as Izaya frowns down at the water on his shirt.

“I never asked for your help,” Izaya says before he looks up and meets Shizuo's gaze. Ordinarily, Shizuo would be creeped out by Izaya's unnaturally red gaze, but as it is, Izaya just looks exhausted and maybe even scared. He's just too proud to let it show.

“Yeah? Well, you better be glad I gave it to you anyway. You could be out there getting—“ Shizuo pauses, huffs, and turns to go back to his food.

“Raped,” Izaya says, because he can never leave well enough alone. “I could be getting raped, is that what you wanted to say?”

“For fuck's sake, Izaya, shut the hell up and pass out already.”

Unsurprisingly, Izaya doesn't. He sips at his water and looks around before he tries to stand. Before Shizuo can even yell at him, Izaya stumbles backwards, misses the couch, and lands sprawled in the floor with the water glass completely emptied on him.

Sighing, Shizuo tosses the empty food box into the trash before he makes his way over to Izaya, who bristles visibly and narrow his eyes up at Shizuo as if daring him to say anything.

“You're a goddamn mess,” Shizuo says because Izaya needs to hear it, or maybe just because Shizuo likes needling him. Either way, Shizuo leans down and picks Izaya up again.

“I thought I wasn't allowed in your room...” Izaya says, his voice slurred and heavy with impending sleep. He's clearly fighting it with all he has, and Shizuo wonders just how many times Izaya has been drugged before.

“I'm chaperoning.” Shizuo shrugs and tosses Izaya on his bed before he tries to find dry clothes for Izaya's small, flea-like body. He has sweatpants with a string, so that'll work. As for shirts, he has plenty of T-shirts he wears on his off days, nothing fancy like Izaya is accustomed to, but if Izaya complains, Shizuo might just punch him.

When he turns to Izaya, he's surprised to see Izaya sitting up, though he looks far from cognizant. He's swaying, catching himself, and trying and failing to focus on Shizuo.

“Can you get undressed?” Shizuo asks him.

“Oooh... Shizu, how naughty...” Izaya says with a giggle, and then he's trying to tug his wet shirt over his head. It gets caught at his elbows, and Izaya rolls off the bed and into the floor with a resounding 'thunk'.

“Fucking flea... Stupid fucking drugged annoying ass flea,” Shizuo mutters to himself as he goes to Izaya and helps him up again. “Alright, lift your arms, you can do that much.” Izaya does, and Shizuo does his best to avert his eyes as he removes Izaya's shirt and helps him into the dry T-shirt.

“Smells good,” Izaya murmurs, and when Shizuo looks at him, Izaya is holding the collar of Shizuo's shirt to his nose and inhaling happily.

“What the fuck?” Shizuo asks, wondering what planet they're on.

“I said...you smell good,” Izaya says a little louder, glaring at Shizuo as if Shizuo has yanked this confession from him without permission.

“Okay? Take your pants off.”

Izaya pouts at him and shakes his head.

“Izaya! Take your—!” Shizuo yanks Izaya's hands away from the shirt collar and tries to make Izaya undo his pants, but Izaya merely stands there looking like he might cry. “What's wrong with you? I'm trying to undress you so you can sleep comfortably!”

“I hate you,” Izaya says with his usual ire, and then, inexplicably, his voice is breaking and he's hiding his face in Shizuo's giant T-shirt. “I hate Shizu-chan so much!”

“Yeah? Well I hate you right back!” Shizuo hisses, and he undoes Izaya's pants before yanking them down. His renewed anger makes it easier to ignore the fact he's undressing Izaya Orihara in his bedroom. “But even if you're fucking horrible and I don't want you here, I'd rather you be here than with some creepy douchebag, so help me out!”

“You should've left me! I'd be fine, I'm always fine!” Izaya is practically sobbing by this point, and Shizuo is helpless to do anything but watch Izaya cry with his pants halfway down his thighs. “You were right to say no one would care, so why should you? I don't want your pity!”

“Too bad,” Shizuo finds himself saying. “If you wanted it, I wouldn't give it to you. I hate people who want pity for the sake of being pitied. But right now...”

“You never do what I want,” Izaya says with a sniffle. This time, when Shizuo pushes Izaya gently towards the bed, Izaya allows it, and Shizuo is able to get the wet pants off and replace them with the sweatpants. Izaya is skinny, so Shizuo has to tie the strings as tightly as they'll go.

“There. Isn't that better?” Shizuo asks. He's always been pretty good with kids, which is exactly what a wasted Izaya is reminding him of. “You'll feel better when you sleep.”

“I'm not tired,” Izaya says, emerging from the shirt at last to show Shizuo his red-rimmed eyes and wet cheeks.

“Right,” Shizuo says. “Well, when you are, it'll be better.” He almost laughs when Izaya nods very seriously, as of Shizuo is saying anything other than common sense. Shizuo tries to back away, but he finds one of his hands being held hostage by both of Izaya's. “Flea,” he says warningly, not trusting Izaya to not have a hidden knife on him somewhere.

“Your hand is one big—callus,” Izaya announces. He turns Shizuo's hand over and examines it. “You should moisturize.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” Shizuo mumbles, trying again to pull away, but Izaya seems like he might cry again if Shizuo does.

“Isn't it weird...” Izaya says, and then he's just holding Shizuo's hand, looking up at Shizuo with his watery gaze. “You're like a regular person like this. A human.”

“I am a human,” Shizuo snaps, not ready to hear Izaya's usual spiel about Shizuo being an unlovable monster.

Izaya just nods and looks down again at their joined hands. “I love humans,” he says, and then he sniffles again. “But humans don't love me.”

“Izaya,” Shizuo sighs. “You need to sleep. You'll hate that you said all this in the morning.”

“I'll be unhappy either way!” Izaya snaps, and Shizuo wonders where the hell this is going, or if he's ever actually...had a conversation with Izaya before? He doesn't think so, at least not one where they weren't actively trying to antagonize or kill each other. It's weird to be in Izaya's space, to smell his scent, to be able to see his eyelashes. Shizuo wishes he was drunker than he is, and then he remembers to mourn the full beer he left at the bar.

“You can't pretend like you don't know why people hate you. You've given them every reason to.” Shizuo's gaze is hard as Izaya meets his eyes. “You know that.”

“Why is it so wrong to want to see the worst parts of people? Isn't that what love is—to see those parts, the parts they want to keep hidden, and love them anyway? Can you say you love someone if you aren't willing to accept the worst of them?” Izaya asks, his grip tightening on Shizuo. “I love all those things! I love them, and everyone looks at me like I'm a monster! And then, you! You have so much love and you don't even deserve it!” Izaya finally lets Shizuo go, throws his hand away like it's poisoned.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Shizuo asks, genuinely feeling more confused than angry. “Tricking people into revealing what they hate about themselves just to use it against them won't ever get you anywhere. Aren't you supposed to be some kind of genius? How could you think that would work?”

“Nothing works anyway,” Izaya says. “You hated me before I even did anything to you, after all. Wasn't it nice of me to give you actual reasons?”

Shizuo frowns, thinking back to the day Shinra introduced them. Izaya was beside Shinra, clapping at the violence Shizuo exhibited, and Shizuo thought to himself that Izaya was making fun of him, or worse, that he liked violence when Shizuo himself hated it and couldn't escape it. Shizuo admits to himself, and has for a long time, that his hatred of Izaya wasn't justified at first. But in the end, he thinks it was instinctual, and he just knew Izaya was up to no good.

“As if you care what I think,” Shizuo says. He's ready to get out of this room. Izaya can have the bed, he doesn't even care. He's just ready to get Izaya sober and out of here.

“I do care,” Izaya says softly, and Shizuo feels his brow furrowing in disbelief.

“God, how drunk are you?” Shizuo asks, and Izaya grins.

“Very. I'm being honest with you, after all.” He reaches again for Shizuo's hand, and Shizuo debates only for a few moments before letting him have it. What's the harm? Izaya likely won't remember any of this, and keeping him complacent is in Shizuo's best interest if either of them are going to get sleep tonight.

“So you care what I think? And that means you get to try to ruin my life and get me killed all the time?” Shizuo asks as he watches Izaya drunkenly play with his fingers.

“Not all the time,” Izaya says with a pout. “I just like your attention.”

“My attention?”

Izaya laughs, traces one of Shizuo's calluses with smooth fingers. “Wasn't it effective?”

“...Go the fuck to sleep, Izaya.” Shizuo still has a headache, but now he thinks it has less to do with loud noises and the alcohol he consumed earlier and more to do with Izaya being a weirdo. He remembers now why talking to Izaya is impossible. It's all riddles and lies and bullshit. It's much easier to just try to kill him.

“Do you think I'm lying to you?” Izaya asks.

“I know you are.” Shizuo glares as Izaya kicks his legs out, narrowly missing Shizuo.

“I'm not! I just—“ He pauses before a wicked grin spreads across his face, and Shizuo's hackles rise. He keeps his eyes peeled for the glint of a knife. “I never thanked you for saving me, did I?”

“As if you'd be sincere,” Shizuo says.

“I'll give Shizu-chan something! Something he's never had.”

“I don't want—“ Shizuo is suddenly yanked forward by Izaya, who is exhibiting more strength than he should have, but Shizuo has no time to think or say anything before he feels the softness of Izaya's mouth against his own.

It's impossibly gentle. Shizuo has never kissed anyone before, but before his mind can catch up with who he's kissing, he feels Izaya's hands thread through his hair, feels Izaya shift and move closer, and when Shizuo curls his fingers in Izaya's collar to throw him against the wall, he feels himself instead pulling Izaya closer, chasing after the softness of Izaya's lips when Izaya begins to pull back.

“Mm,” Izaya hums, licking his own lips. “How's that for sincerity?”

“Izaya—you...” Shizuo's mind catches up rapidly with what happened, and he feels anger he's never felt before overtake him. “What the fuck!”

“I can't be blamed for it being subpar, Shizu-chan,” Izaya says absently. “Kiss me when I'm sober, I'll make it up to you.” He crawls under the covers, clearly not the least bit worried about Shizuo or his wrath. “I'm sleepy now.”

Shizuo roars with rage, worries about the neighbors, and then gets even angrier. He storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him as he flops face-first into the couch, screaming into the cushions.

Fucking Izaya. In the morning, Shizuo is going to be as loud as possible, is going to torture a severely hungover flea, and then he's going to make Izaya wish he'd never been born. After that, he's going to beat the fuck out of Shinra for leaving this situation up to him. As it is, he realizes he has to make sure Izaya isn't sleeping on his back, because he needs Izaya to be alive in the morning to torture.

Shizuo slips back inside the room to find Izaya is curled on his side, his face buried in Shizuo's pillow. Shizuo grimaces as he considers sleeping on the floor. After the night he's had, he convinces himself he deserves to sleep in his own bed, and if Izaya has a problem with that, Izaya can fuck right off to Hell where he belongs.

Shizuo maintains as much distance between them as he can as he settles into the bed, but Izaya doesn't move at all and is clearly dead to the world. Shizuo relaxes and comforts himself with thoughts of vengeance in the morning, and is finally able to fall asleep.

The first thing Shizuo notices when he jerks awake is that he doesn't think he's slept much at all. The room is still pitch black aside from the light flooding under the door from the bathroom. The second thing he notices is that Izaya is gone, and there's an awful retching noise coming from the next room. Sighing, Shizuo gets up, and he finds Izaya throwing up violently into the toilet, but thankfully, there isn't vomit anywhere else, so at least Izaya made it this far.

“I hoped...” Izaya rasps, “that it was a dream...and I wasn't really here...”

“Yeah,” Shizuo says. He winces as the vomiting continues. He heads to the kitchen, grabs Izaya another glass of water, and then he picks up his cigarettes and goes back to the bathroom, setting the glass beside Izaya before sitting down on the floor near him and leaning against the wall of the bathroom doorway.

“What are you doing?” Izaya asks weakly. “This is gross enough without you seeing it.”

“Barf doesn't bother me,” Shizuo says as he lights his cigarette. “Kasuka used to get sick a lot. He didn't like being by himself.”

“So you...sat with him while he vomited?” Izaya asks with a weak laugh.

“No, dipshit. I sat with him afterwards, but it's not like you'll be done anytime soon.”

Izaya looks like he wants to argue, but then he's retching once more, and Shizuo shakes his head as he takes a deep drag on his cigarette.

“I guess this is revenge enough for you ruining my night,” Shizuo says. “I might still punch you later, though.”

“That would be fair,” Izaya says softly. He folds his arms over the seat of the toilet, rests his head in them, and adds, “I'm so glad your bathroom is clean.”

“As if you could complain if it wasn't.”

“Oh, I don't know. I'm good at complaining.”

Shizuo snorts and reaches over to pet Izaya's back in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. Kasuka used to appreciate it. If Izaya minds, he doesn't say so.

“I don't suppose you have a spare toothbrush?” Izaya asks after a few silent minutes. Shizuo frowns.

“No. I don't usually have people over.”

“Mouthwash?” Izaya prompts, and Shizuo shifts to look through his cabinet under the sink, putting his cigarette in his mouth to free his hands.

“I have this kind,” Shizuo says before handing Izaya the bottle.

“This is the alcohol free version,” Izaya notes with a clear look of distaste.

“I don't like the burning.”

“The burning is how you know it's working.”

“Use it and shut the hell up!” Shizuo snaps, and Izaya sighs before doing just that. He spits into the tub and then settles back with a groan, using his foot to flush the toilet.

“I should probably get going soon,” Izaya mutters.

“Are you okay now?”

“Well, I'm as sober as I'm going to get tonight. I'm more concerned about the massive hangover I have coming my way. I doubt either of us wants me trapped here all day—“

“Hey,” Shizuo says, almost interrupting Izaya, who glares at him for it. “How often does this happen to you?”

“The drugging? Only once before.” Izaya sips at the water Shizuo got for him.

“Did...anything happen?” Shizuo asks warily.

“I don't know. It was a long time ago.”

Shizuo's expression must speak volumes, because Izaya sighs before continuing.

“I met with a client about locating someone. The story sounded far-fetched to begin with, but he was offering a lot of money, and he seemed so ordinary that I didn't think about anything happening. When he offered me tea, I drank it. And then I woke up in an alleyway outside my apartment building the next day.”

“Flea...”

“I went to the hospital and they said it didn't look like...that had happened. But other things could have.” Izaya sips again at the water. “It doesn't matter. He's dead now, and I'm still alive.”

“So that means you won or something?” Shizuo asks warily.

Izaya shrugs. “Sure. But I wasn't the one who killed him. I didn't even have a hand in it, if you believe that. Turns out he killed someone's daughter, and her father was pretty high up in the Russian mafia. He got what he deserved, in the end. If anything it was my own fault for underestimating him and not looking into him further.”

“Something like that isn't your fault!” Shizuo snaps, and when Izaya grins at him, he feels his anger rising. “It's not, okay, that's victim blaming bullshit, and if he did something to you, it's because he was fucked up and it's not to do with you!”

“But Shizu-chan,” Izaya says playfully, “I thought everything wrong was to do with me.”

“Fuck you,” Shizuo says. “This is different.”

“Unfortunately, things like that happen and will always happen. I'm usually more careful about meeting people, but foolishly I believed Touma-san wouldn't try anything in public. I suppose it could have ended up a lot worse.”

“No shit,” Shizuo says.

“And this time, I didn't wake up all alone, after all.”

Shizuo looks to Izaya, expecting him to have a playful grin or a teasing leer, but as it is, Izaya is gazing down into his water glass thoughtfully.

“I suppose I said...things. I hope you can pretend I never said them,” Izaya says.

“How much do you remember?” Shizuo asks.

“Enough to be embarrassed. I'm sure that's pleasing for you.”

“You kissed me.”

Izaya makes a choking noise that would be comical if he didn't look so mortified. Shizuo knows he isn't imagining the blush spreading across Izaya's cheeks.

“Ah, okay, we can ignore that, if you want. I was drunk.”

“Fuck that,” Shizuo says. “That was my first kiss, asshole. Take responsibility. It wasn't even good.”

Izaya chokes again, with laughter this time, and Shizuo grins back at him stupidly. What a night it's been.

“I'm afraid I can't remedy that right now unless you want to kiss me when I just threw up,” Izaya says, and his smile is so genuine that Shizuo can't look away from it.

“Wouldn't taste much worse than the first time,” Shizuo says, and Izaya laughs again.

“How cruel! Okay, I deserve that. You really are getting in all your jokes now. I thought for sure you'd draw them out a while to torture me more.”

“I will. Pretty sure that was all I had.” Shizuo flicks his cigarette into the sink and runs water over it before standing and offering a hand to Izaya. “C'mon. You can sleep here and leave tomorrow.”

“You want me to be gross here all day?” Izaya asks, looking at Shizuo's hand much like he did the night before, with wonder.

“I'll take my chances.”

Izaya takes Shizuo's hand, and Shizuo leads him back to the bed. Neither of them comments on Shizuo flopping back beside him. Someone has to make sure Izaya doesn't choke to death on vomit still, even now. Shizuo doesn't trust that it's over, and clearly Izaya isn't taking it seriously.

He falls asleep much easier than he did the first time, and he wakes once to find he's tossed an arm over Izaya and nestled behind him. Blearily, he thinks to himself that Izaya's scent isn't bad, especially when it's mixed together with his own. He doesn't move, and he falls back into unconsciousness with the bite of Izaya's scent sharp on his tongue.

When he wakes again, Izaya is gone.

***

“Really, I was impressed, Shizuo-kun! I thought for sure when you called and said you were with Izaya-kun that you would kill him!”

Shizuo is at Shinra's and Celty's place, politely drinking tea while Celty goes off on Shinra for not telling her about what was happening that night. Shizuo knows she'll forgive Shinra. She always does.

“Have you checked on him? Izaya?” Shizuo asks, interrupting them. They both turn to him.

“Not since it happened. Izaya-kun will be fine. He's always fine.”

Something about that statement infuriates him, and when he stands, his teacup hits the floor, shattering as he advances on Shinra.

“What the fuck kind of friend are you?! He was drugged, could have been raped and killed, and you were so focused on having Celty that you didn't give a shit?! That's wrong. It's so fucking wrong! No one is fine after that!”

“Shizuo, please calm down!” Celty's PDA pleads with him, but he barely glances at it.

“I'd punch your face in, but you wouldn't understand why I was doing it,” Shizuo spits at Shinra, shoving him once, but even that's enough to make Shinra topple backwards. “I'm sorry,” he says to Celty. “But he shouldn't think what he did was okay.”

He leaves before they can say anything else to him, also before he can do more damage, and he doesn't even know why he cares so much. Izaya is awful, has ruined so many lives, including Shizuo's. But when he thinks back to all the shitty things, he sees Izaya's crying face as clear as day, feels the depth of that loneliness, because he's felt that way before too, like an outsider looking in no matter what he tries. And sure, it doesn't excuse or forgive anything, but after seeing an actual human side of Izaya, it's impossible to pretend he doesn't care at all.

His feet carry him home, and he's surprised to look up and see Izaya standing outside his door, a paper bag in hand.

“Ah, I hoped you'd still be out,” Izaya says, and he holds the bag up. “Your clothes. I washed them. I thought it was the least I could do.”

“Thanks,” Shizuo says, feeling dumb as he takes the bag. He can't stop staring at Izaya, who looks as he always does, infuriatingly smug and not a hair out of place.

“Right. Well, we can put this behind us now! Next time I see you, I'll fully expect you to be trying to bash my head in.” Izaya smirks at him before trying to walk around him, and Shizuo finds himself grabbing Izaya's coat sleeve.

“Wait. You still haven't accepted responsibility,” Shizuo blurts, and Izaya gazes up at him confusedly.

“About— oh. What would you like me to do? Let you punch me?”

“No, I already almost punched Shinra just now. I think punching is starting to lose its luster.” Shizuo keeps hold of Izaya, tries and fails to think of how to articulate what he wants. He isn't good with words, never has been, but for once in his life, Izaya being so damn perceptive comes in handy.

“I see. So then, would you accept dinner? On me, of course, to make up for my many transgressions.” Izaya's wearing that smile again, the real one, and Shizuo finds himself laughing.

“There isn't enough money in the world to buy enough food that you'd need for that,” Shizuo says, and his grip on Izaya morphs into something less harsh until it's more of a gentle touch on Izaya's arm than anything else.

“It might take a few dinners,” Izaya says, nodding in agreement.

“More than a few.”

“Well then,” Izaya says, turning and reaching behind himself to tug on Shizuo. “Shall we?”

Persuasion 1995

The incoherent rambling commentary of a 3am viewing.

we start in a boat -- wait have i done this one before -- who cares CIARAN HINDS BBYYYY. I have sheep too just in my front yard ya know. that's just how it be. here's some boats - i can see where they pasted the fake boats in teh background i love it .calm nice piano music. dude is cutting the lawn people out here with top hats and wigs. oh dear everyone pissy SHOW ME THE MONEYYYY. lots of wigs and coats and here's a lady in a turban she's definitely the worldy kind. sailors n shit sitting drinking wine and smoking. oh god who's this. i can't hear the dialogue over my laptop fan. this ol mate's a fop i hate his voice. oh dear he's supposed to be a moron huh. oh whoops the fop is a baronet and he is poorr lol sucked in he got debtss extreme debts you musssttt retreennnnnchh. the neighbours be tryna help out and hereeee is Anne eyy. wow eatin grapes and sorbet and they're goin to Bath. he hates sailors and now he has to be ol mate's tenant. ohh Anne knows about the admiral and this fop keeps talking nonsense. a lady with no children has the best furniture. WENTWORTH she gasps. and she is dramatic and sad, puts her tea down takes a breath by the window and comes back takes up her tea and sits down damn. aww Ann---OH 'since no one will want you in bath its best you stay here!' what a fkn bitch what is happening. ITS AUNT PETUNIAA. naww anne is so cute and petite and so miserable. her sister looks cruel and stupid and her dad is just as bad honestly. damn they got Greek statues in their giant house. her sister. is. a . bitch. fuck me. give her like two lists and tells her to go visit everyone in the parish. damn all the peeps glared at him as he left like give us the money you foppish twat. Poor Anne, that is a fkn big ass house. everyone's watching em leave. ohhh cows. oop packing up the house, sheets over the furniture, she's lucky they got like a thousand servants. she's found something in teh box - it's a letter in the shape of a boat ooh i wonder who its from. she's been miserable for years; she hates Bath; her mum's dead and everything went to shit after that - her dad's a moron, her sister's a bitch, she's out here gonna fixedly avoid risking meeting him. Lady Russell - she's the one tsk tsk. oooh Annneeeee she is persuaded despite disapproval and anxiety of his prospects - she was 19 and she wanted to fuck and Lady Russell told her to fuck him off because he was a peasant damn fuck Lady Russell; she just brushes Jane off like shut up little girl I'm right you're wrong move on dumbass. And Anne's like, did you not hear me - i literally just tried to tell you I hate my fucking life and I miss him and I love him and I kinda resent you for telling me to say no. More sheep and a puppy, and close up view of sheep. dad and sister got to ride in a fancy carriage and Anne has to ride in a wagon that's a bit rough. I like her bonnet. oh my god her sister i love her. 'i am soooooooo ill' - she's searching for attention; lonely and miserable and sad and a little bitter. Mary you poor girl leave Anne alone none of that emotional manipulation. 'oh i was very well yesterday, it's just today' yeah alright. sounds like Charles isn't as rich as the Elliots and Mary's not happy about it.  ohh i know this lady and of course Anne can play piano very well and everyone knows it -- Mary tryna cut in like yes i'm as accomplished as Anne and they're awkward like ehhhh but we like watching you dance and Anne doesn't dance so there you go and she sits there with an awkward cringe 'no'. Mary goes off and sulks and Charles rolls his eyes. The Musgroves are rich and friends ohmygod Mary don't be embarrassing in your bitterness yikes and we cut and Mary was there but now Mrs Musgrove and Anne are sitting in teh same spot - I like Mrs M's dress, even the lace around her shoulders that matches the hat I don't know it just seems refined or something. There's lots of very swift conversations - good pace just like my fingers and brain can't keep up yo. Yikes Mrs M thinks Mary is a shit mum; Mary says Mrs M riles em up with lollies; Charles says Mary interferes and fancies herself ill; Mrs M tells the kids are so naughty the only way to keep em chill is to feed them cake; dunno who this girl is (Henrietta?) anyway the brown haired petite one, they're sitting in the window, Anne's finished her tea by now damn how is she so casually moving from person to person how long have they been chillin with the Musgroves? anyway she's tea-less and talking with brown-haired-possibly-Henrietta: wants Mary to stop being rude over Mrs M even though she has precedent to no one likes her for it; blondish sister now and Anne's got more tea and this one says Mrs M's not one for etiquette she just wants cake lmaooooo; Mary is superior and wants her to persuade Charles that she is very very ill. Anne and Charles sigh on the couch together. Now only Charles has got a tea. okay never mind Mary's a bit more like her sister than I thought. oh my god kids ew. it's petunia looking high as a kite ahaha i wish i was her naw petunia was like idc bout your sister I wanted to meet you btw ol mate is married and Anne's like kill me now I guess. she's horrified, shocked, wants to find an ant hill to bury herself in. god mary's a bitch i take back everything i said about her but all is well Anne has a new friend. she's got a very good memory, Anne does, naw and she's good with her nephews. what's this girls name plz tell me oh it is Henrietta. oh damn they're invited to the house tonight to 'meet Mr Frederick WEntowORTH by ALL aCOunts a most CHarMinG anD agreEable GeNtlemAn' Anne could not look more uspet. fixing her hair in the mirror - there's boys screaming ohh no a child what's happened oh god Mary's screaming for Anne the boy has broken his collarbone - she's knowledgeable chatting with the doctor - Charles marches in like wtf my dumbass kid out here falling out of trees - it's his first born the kid looks so fkn miserable that's hilarious now he's off to dinner cause -- oh damn i forgot they wear gloves. this kid's just lying there. ahah Mary doesn't give a fuck about her kids she just wants to be in on everything -- damn--"you are the properest person to sit with the boy. but you haven't a mothers feelings, have you?' like BITCH she's just offered to sit here so you can go to dinner and you're out here being a fucking cunt for no reason? gtfo. and the scene just changes with that damn savage leave Anne be she deserves better than this. oh damn i know that cheekbone. Anne's been out here watching this kid all night like literally and Mary shrugs off that Wentworth barely asked after her because they're barely acquaintances and says he and Charles are out shooting and Anne's tense like uhh they're not coming here tho right and just as Mary's like nah BAM SURPRISE BITCH o no O NO and THERE HE IS DRAMATIC ZOOM HE DOESNT EVEN LOOK AT HER SHE LOOKS TERRIFIED, HE BARELY GLANCES AT HER, doesn't talk to her, she grips the chair tight fuck he's hot. another swift glance and he's gone. dramatic zooms all around. Mary returned, didn't even look at her injured child who has a big ass cut on his face who's just sitting in the corner looking plain and miserable and wentworth - "you were so altered he would not have known you again' - scene cuts to her sitting in front of a mirror looking fucking sadddddd. they're all at dinner together fuck me he is so hot my god. the girls are all over him and he's enchanting everyone with his stories and of course the reason why he first went out comes up and he's like 'i was extremely keen... to be at sea. i was extremely keen. i badly wanted to be doing something.' the PAIn in his eyes, the tight swallow as he turned to listen to the Admiral, who sits Right next to Anne who's sorta just sitting with wide eyes staring at the salad bowl. then the admiral leans over 'when a man has no wife he wants to be afloat again' and she's like yeah wow ah ha ha ah 'yes well i had no wife - pity the essex (?? dunno what that means but I GET THE POINT)" and then he looks at her properly for the first time and i want to die and she wants to die and he wants to die and we are all quite miserable where we are BUT WE ARE ONLY A HALF HOUR IN and we move on talkin bout his ship crap just wait im eating chocolate but i have many thoughts. sorry honestly theres no time to take a breath in this movie i love it but damn it doesn't give one enough time to write and snack. RIGHT - ol mate's declared he'll never have a woman on his ship because its not pink and frilly enough and petunia's stepped in like fkn excuse me m8 wanna say that again? and also is Anne and petunia related because they are looking very similar to me right now??? they're not related. alright pulling us back yet again, I'm so sorry this is a mess I'm eating chocolate at 1 am and watching Persuasion, I think you can guess how my day has been. they keep talking about him getting married and he laughs and jokes it off and then excuses himself like yeah real smooth yeeting yourself outta here dude at that certain topic hanging around. naww the only time petunia felt scared or bad was when she was away from her husband this is adorable. ol mate's tryna play the piano to the amusement of the girls, sees Anne sneaking up to listen and immediately hurries outta there, face pale never moved so fast in his life i bet and they all follow him and she just sits down and starts playing while everyone dances. for people who were so refined they danced like crazy people --- 'no never she has quite given up dancing' Wentworth's face falls and he looks at her and she looks away from him come on guys you are hurting me. some guy has just rocked up who the heck is Henry - a cousin? who is not --- 20,000 pounds fuck me. Charles and Mary; wait we're talking about Henry. oh my god, they're planning who's gonna marry who - Henrietta and lousia and henry and wentworth 'what say you Anne, which one is the Captain in love with? she laughs slightly - I've never seen someone so depressed before in my life, at least not in a romance . this is actually a really sad story ya know, Wentworth got rejected and fled to sea; and Anne rejected him and became depressed about it for years. damn. anyway these girls can't go anywhere without Mary butting in, now they're going for a long walk or something and Mary's forcibly inserted herself and they look at each other and the poor kid is sitting with his arm in a bandage that goes round his neck? with that scratch on his face and adorable little round glasses sitting at the table with some cake and a puzzle he's doing with Anne like please don't abandon the suffering child has he even had any panadol?? Who the hell is looking after this kid if they're all going on this long walk - now Charles and Wentworth too. Charles helps two of em over, Wentworth helps Louisa over the fence, and Anne has to help herself over, which she does without hesitation good girl you do you fam. yikes Charles and that are going to Winthrop or something where Charles' aunt lives and Mary's offended to have such connections and refuses to go and assures Wentworth she's only been there twice and he half-smiles politely. louisa came running up to take Wentworth wherever and he like turned around to look at Mary and Anne and Anne fkn spun around to avoid him just generally so smooth these two so smooth. Anne's looking around at like anything and everything except him. every time he's nearby she tenses up and skitters around like she's tryna hide in plain sight but also stand tall and brave and staring straight at him like she wants him to look at her so badly. 'we all wish that charles had married anne instead' 'did charles want to marry anne' 'did you not know' 'you mean she refused him' 'yes' ... 'my parents think it was Lady Russell's doing, that my brother not being philosophical enough for her taste she persuaded Anne to refuse him.' ohhhhhh. damn. Wentworth is very quiet. Mouth tight. Brow low. Anne's freaking out down the hill. Mary's just stolen her spot. Christ. It's chaos. Anne's stumbling along she's tired she's sad she's got the depression her sister's a nightmare, WEntworth doesn't care about her, she cares about him, everything is awful and she trips over some sticks and he turned to look at her, concerned out of his thoughts. Hey petunias back with her carriage and they're offering a seat and Wentworth like rushes over and whispers for them to take Anne and she catches it like wtf confusion she goes to protest and suddenly He's AT her SIDE and he doesn't even say anything and he leans his head down to hers for a moment with a gentle look on his face, putting a hand to her back and her brain just shuts down as he leads her to the carriage and hold her hip tight as he helps her up and she looks around in shock and he's staring straight forward like everything is chill and doesn't look at her again. oh wait petunia is wentworth's sister damn awesome but she doesn't think very well of him. oh they're going to Lime and they ask if Anne can come and I think Wentworth choked on his tea a little bit. and here's some establishing shots : the ocean. Some rocks with seaweed on them. The shittest 'beach' ive ever seen there's like boulders everywhere where's the sand? is that a teepee of seaweed? what Wentworth looks pretty happy about it though like he wants to jump in. I like Charles he's a funny dude. Wow that is one helluva hat Wentworth. All these fancy people going into a sailor's home like etiquette is what but everyone is chill with it except Mary of course. is Anne supposed to have her bonnet off? o no now she's chosen to be the nice depressed girl who tries to talk to the weird depressed guy who is too into poetry about death. cute they're all shoulder to shoulder around the guy's table. she starts getting the hint that this guys a bit off 'you cannot know the depths of my despair.' damn son get a therapist. ohh shittt 'you have no conception of what i have lost' 'yes I have' she says, and Wentworth is sitting there smoking what could be a blunt who can honestly say and he heard the whole thing. Wentworth and Louisa are doing a whole lot of hanging out.  Like every time they actually speak to each other feels like a momentous occasion - they literally just said 'good morning' to each other and it feels like such a big step and her heads down and he's watching her BIG STEPS --oh shit some blonde haired guy that im sure will come up later tipped his hat to the girls and then Anne and Wentworth was coming up behind her and she looked over her shoulder to look at the BLondie but wentworth thought it was at him and he SMILED to himself nawwww. that looks like the house from Pride and Prejudice ahaha. whoop Blondie's back and she looked back at him again and now they're at breakfast ohmyGadh his eyes sparkle when he looks at her the few times he looks at her my god they're talking about Blondie who is apparently their cousin or something and he and mary and anne's father aren't on good terms and she tells Mary so and he looks over his bowl with those fkn sparklllinggg eyes and a playful smile and it doesn't even matter what he says just that look and he drinks his soup and licks his lips and looks up at her and she's just staring but like calmly not even freaking out and she lowers her eyes to her toast and just chills like all is well.  whoop i think weird depressed guy is gonna propose but before he can whats up we're helping girls down some scary stairs yikes i'd sit my ass down going down those things. Louisa is being crazy oh fuckkkk ahahaha hahaSPLAT holy shit oh fuck weird depressed guy is standing in the background with his hands over his mouth Anne is in there with Charles and Wentworth damn she'd 100% be a doctor nowadays, Louisa the dumbass has smashed herself on the cobblestones and WEntworht is just freaking out and he is looking straight to Anne who is giving straight smart orders and he is following them without hesitation - the other women are crying they're all sitting around her while the doctor does like... something and Anne's the only one like hey we have shit to do like people gotta hear about this we don't have phones and her speaking makes Wentworth speak and Charles is in shock cause its his baby sister whose hurt. Once again she's looking after the injured person and she walks out and Wentworth is talking to Charles 'I think it should be Anne - no one so capable as Anne--' he cuts off when he sees her coming in 'I-we-you'll stay, won't you?' he stammers as she enters holy fuck my heart can't handle...they're just staring into each others eyes; in any other context man. he clarifies himself but fuck if they didn't think it. ah fuck Mary is so annoying crying that she should be the one to stay with Louisa like bitch you didn't even give a shit about your injured son let alone your sister-in-law wtf she needs a slap why are they listening to her. 'If only I -- if only--' he cries in the carriage 'yes.' Anne said, looking at him sadly. 'Anne... I regret that...' he looks at her once and again and again and she lowers her eyes and holds the sleeping Henrietta close. like honestly i feel like there's no problem writing their dialogue cause there is just so little of it and when it does happen all of it means everything. but anyway she doesn't answer him and I am sad and he is sad. 'damned foolish' he sa---wait holy shit SCREAAAAAAAMINGgGg fucking hell grab your torches and pitchforks Mrs Mudahwhatver is screaming and Wentworth is riding off in the rain and once again Anne is all alone and she stays up just walking around all night and playing the piano and yay Louisa is conscious and Anne continues to be depressed poor girl and you can tell because its raining. and its still raining and they're not back-- wait now she's in Bath and her fop father and bitch sister are lounging irritatingly and he says he's happy for her to have come because it will be an advantage to have four at dinner. things are white and gold - clean and unhomely and too perfect and the fop is calling everyone ugly - they're eating sorbet again ahaha yum. god they all look bored and miserable and here's blondie come to greet them and he glances at Anne, processes and then snaps back to stare at her in astonishment he's got nice hair and he continues to stare damn and she's so confident she just smiles and stares back I'm so jealous she can do that. oh mygod they're having an intimate conversation in front of her shitty family dude i know he'll probs turn out like a wickham character but one can have hope. damn that jaw-line tho. hmmm lady russell is back. i hate her hair. metal cups are odd - they make sense but so strange. Russell's got plans man Anne's telling her about how her bitch sister is after Blondie and Russell laughs and pats her cheek. Oh yay it's petunia! aw she hears the admiral is in poor health and she's immediately like what's wrong here come get some water. damn bitch sister 'she is nothing to me' damn whats about the screaming and the random rage bursts damn. oh and here's a viscountess why are they always fucked. Blondie and Anne are in the corner flirting crazily I know he's bad but like you can't fake this chemistry no one's that good. and suddenly she's surprised?0oh my god that suit. Mrs Smith oh my god she's adorable she and Nurse Rook are gossipers hell yeah 'there are no secrets in Bath' naw this better not be a Helen situation come on guys - oh fuck Louisa is gonna marry weird depressed guy?? and Anne is freaking thrilled. damn it rains a lot here. far out hats are crazy. Here's Blondie. Anne's so used to being verbally abused by her sister she doesn't respond -----holy damn its Wentworth walking down the street. Penelope is n---- oh fuck he just walked in -- she took a breath with her back to him then spun around HOWDY he looks shocked and delighted and she hse ewihpewjihp oh my god they love each other and they're so nervous and uncertain about it oh my god so awkward and cute please trying to go through the etiquette script oh no so cute 'im already armed for Bath' he grins and she laughs ----oh no. ... oh shit. Blondie just showed up and she just accepted Wentworth's umbrella everything was going so well stop awwww nooo his face falls, her face falls everything is awful. standing all solemn and glum by the window and all dressed in white looking shiny and gorgeous her little sack bag is weird but. and who is she looking for, I wonder. The family is standing awkward---there he be. tall and commanding and hmhmmm i love a man in uniform - she steps in front of him as he tries to pass him by. asks him if he's come for the concert - 'no ive come for a lecture on navigation am i in the wrong place' damn son no he's so good at making her laugh she never laughs oohh her family have to bow to him interesting - he's asking her how she's been since Lime I love them talking he starts on about being concerned about weird depressed guy getting married to Louisa because of his depression about his dead fiance 'a man does not recover to such a devotion to such a woman - he ought not; he does not' i'm sorry was that a declaration of love m8 omg Anne knows it too 'i should like to see it again' 'would you i would've thought i mean the distress, too painful' 'but when the pain is over...' dudes DUDES guys please guys 'It was my doing solely mine - Louisa would not have been obstinate if i had not been weak - Anne, I have never--' GUYS NO the fucking viscountess wandered in ruining everything and now he's gone please come back who cares about this lady singing i mean the candles look cool and but stop honestly who cares bring back Wentworth. omg fop is asleep, Anne and Blondie are bantering and she's not realising that she's pushing into flirting, again my god silly silly innocent naive and entirely relatable lol help. but there's Wentworth standing all tall and handsome in the corner and he looks so sad and meanwhile Blondie is like tryna propose and Wentworth is tryna yeet outta there and she's sprinting over to him tryna block his way tryna convince him to stay HOW THE TURN TABLES 'the next song is beautiful its a very beautiful love song is that not worth your staying for.' 'there's nothing worth my staying for.' kill me. Blondie needs to like there's no way he couldn't tell.  Yay Charles is here! oh and Mary lol. Lol everyone is making decisions on what Louisa and Henrietta are gonna wear on their wedding day except they themselves?? And here is ol mate sweeping int eh room, smile briefly falling at the sight of Anne but everyone's happy to see them yay. mate what he just swept over to her talking softly ohmhwy god i don't think they've said anything directly to each other in their lives its all round the bend and metaphors and insinuations please kill me i love it he picks at her that she says she doesn't like the parties her family and Blondie give; 'they mean nothing to me'  she has nothing in common with them and dislikes how they are, they're smiling at each other - oh shit Mr Elliott is out there meeting with her sister's friend or whatever now fkn Russell's tryna PERSUADE (ahaha) her into marrying Elliot 'that is not what I want!' Russell is shocked. now he's here looking stiff and snappy and awkward because the admiral has told him to invite her and her newly engaged Mr Elliot to his house and oh my god poor ol mate he wants to yeet away into the sunset goodbye world fuck you all 'if you wish it all you have to do is give me a yes or a no and we are both released' 'the admiral is too kind...' 'just say it: yes or no.' fuck you jane austen. Anne is overwhelmed and stormed off Russell faces Wentworth, he sneers her name, she smiles serenely 'You have an extraordinary ability to discompose my friend sir' , he twitches ' you have an extraordinary ability to influence her ma'am for which I find it hard to forgive you.' damn and then the scene ends damn.  she's run off to Mrs Smith and Nook I love em she's ranting about everyone thinking she's gonna marry this guy and they're astonished and relieved cause he is poor and living on loans - he wants her for her money, title and lands thank god she's got her friends eyyy yasss. naw petunia and mrs musgrove are here my favs. Wentworth is writing a letter. whever they're in the room she can't help but look at him. she's talking with weird depressed gyu's fiance's brother - he's bitter that he's moved on so fast - she wouldn't have, its not in her nature, 'it would not be in the nature of any woman who truly loved.' 'do you claim that for your sex?' 'we do not forget you as soon as you forget us.' blah blah about women being stuck at home because people were shit to us back then fuck the patriarchy and all that. Fiance's brother says women and men are the same in being inconstant and forgetting those they love or have loved. Their convo gets interrupted by Wentworth knocking the whatever it is that they sprinkle over ink to dry it off the table and everyone's like dude the fuck we don't own vacuum cleaners you know. Fiance's brother says he's not read a book in his life that didn't have something to say on women's fickleness. 'but they were all written by men.' she argues. they laugh.  he's on about going off to sea and being the victim cause he has to leave his family behind and boohoo it's so hard for me to be away from them even though i'm the one choosing to go away. yikes too close to home. anyway lolol. She says that above all, women are the ones who love the longest when all hope is gone. they all left, he snuck back and put out a letter on the desk, gave her a look and then left. she pretty much threw herself at it OH MY GOD THE LETTTTTTTTERRRRRRRR dudes dudes dudes dudes deud ed dud oh ymf theihwhes 'where are you going' 'i hardly know' ihowyiqruhoijpfg0hurbj3ifjpgrn Charles just keeps on standing between them and chattering finally gets it tips his hat and trots off wringing his hands. those eyes - he offers a hand, he takes it - i tried to forget you, i thought i had. they kiss very slowly, very gently, very chastely. his hair all windswept like that is very becoming - the way she slowly ran her hands over his arm before tucking it into his --- aand now there is a very random festival procession what and they're walking down the empty street. okay cool fine. she wanders into the gaming room or whatever, the camera mans shadow spreading all over the place, her sister grabs her and tells her not to monopolise wentworth - there's another war coming? oh how romantic. 'MY PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE TO YOUR DAUGHTER ANNE HAS BEEN ACCEPTED.’ he fucking beams. everyones shocked. 'Anne? You want to marry anne, whatever for?' he just grins at the fop. And now she's on a ship and they're sailing off to war, oh how romantic. and there you go.

--

ya know before this 1-3am viewing i wouldve given this a 4/5 or even 4.5/5, but now I’m gonna give it a 3/5. there’s just something about it thats a bit... idk. still really like it but also.. yeah.

A Child With the Gods

Chapter 6

(Series Rating E 18+)

CHAPTER WARNING: NSFW

The following chapter contains graphic depictions of sex. This content is not suitable for minors. You have been warned.

Note from the Author: Ahaha! You didn’t really think I was going to leave out the good stuff now did you ladies? Enjoy!

                                I Want You to Feel All of Me

     There was something strangely enticing about Zyglavis’ scent. It seemed almost appetizing to me now making me wonder if being pregnant was heightening all of my senses. The moment his fingers found my bare skin my whole body quaked under his sensual touch. His silvery eyes were hypnotizing holding me prisoner. There was definitely something different about Zyglavis as his warm hands traversed my body. While he was gentle there was a hunger there I had never seen or felt before. I wanted his love. I wanted all of him no matter the cost. 

     Every time his lips brushed against my naked skin I strained to hold back the sounds threatening to overwhelm me. His perfectly calculated movements made him appear truly heavenly and as I watched him slowly and carefully remove every piece of fabric, it was then that I truly realized that I was being touched by a divine being. I had never known any of the gods to appear this way to me before. There was a soft glow surrounding him making it seem as though he was truly made of pure starlight. He was ever so, so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes just to simply look upon him.

     “Zyglavis.” His name tumbled from my lips as soft as a whisper. Naked before each other it felt as though we were being pulled together in the gravity of our love and desire for one another. We may live worlds apart but in this moment the two of us existed in-between the two planes. His hovering divine form above me smiled down before leaning in for a deep and slow sensual kiss. Our tongues lovingly caressed each other as the heat at my core began to burn wildly. 

     Gently raising my arms above my head his fingers intertwined with mine giving off a soothing warmth that had always belonged to Zyglavis. Desperate to feel more of him my back arched into his chest only to further torture me sweetly as I longed to feel his body against my own. I could feel him smile into our steamy kiss before bringing his lips to my neck. Feeling the heat from his breath along my skin I closed my eyes focusing on the delicious sensation. 

     Slowly his sweet kisses descended before reaching my swollen breasts. He released my hands using his left to lovingly fondle the right side of my chest while he brought his mouth around the erect nipple on my left. The sensation coaxed a pleading whimper from me further encouraging his delicate movements. I could feel the wetness beginning to pool as his wet slippery tongue lovingly traced circles around the sensitive area. 

     Continuing his way down across my abdomen he pressed slow and tender kisses before dipping his tongue into my navel sending a ripple of goosebumps across the area. I felt the low hum of a quiet chuckle before he resumed his journey. As I glanced down our eyes met and once again I couldn’t rip myself away from that bewitching stare. The way he was looking up at me hungrily was more than I could handle forcing my eyes shut lest I release right then and there. 

     “Z-Zyglavis...I...I’m not going to l-last long at this rate.” Giving him fair warning he continues anyway seemingly unconcerned. His hands slowly guide my legs apart before I feel his weight shift coming to rest comfortably between them. He teases me simply by only allowing the sensation of the warmth from his breath to wash over my nearly throbbing core. 

     “Forgive me. I cannot resist the desire to memorize the way you look at this moment..” His voice is thick with playful desire only serving to further my desperation below. 

     “I cannot deny how much I want to watch as you come undone so exquisitely beneath me.” 

     “Oh my god Zyglavis please!” I writhe with desperate need to feel some form of contact.

     “That’s right my darling girl, beg me for mercy.” I’m so close just from his sweet torturous words alone.

     “Do not worry, I plan on taking my time with you tonight. If you need to let go then do so. Sing for me.”

     “B-But I want...no, I need....something please!”

     “Is that so? Very well, show me.” I can’t help but look at him wondering what exactly he means but it doesn’t take long to figure it out. Feeling too embarrassed I hesitate but he doesn’t allow me to shy away.

     “Do you need clarification?” I’m unable to answer immediately which gives way to a very sexy smirk causing the heat already present on my face to travel to my ears.

     “Very well, I want you to touch yourself.” Unsure of exactly how to proceed due to my battling emotions of embarrassment and desire he delicately takes my hand in his and assists me bringing it between my legs. 

     “Very good. Now, touch yourself.” Sighing inwardly I realize it’s too late to turn back now so I obey his commands pleasing him immensely. At first it’s not doing much for me but then when I actually see his face all of that quickly changes. Eyes heavy-lidded with desire he watches every movement biting his lower lip in anticipation. When our eyes meet once more I can feel myself instantly getting wetter. Holding my stare with that sexy smirk he runs his index finger along my inner thigh barely touching me but enough for it to register. 

     “Good girl. Now, I want to see you cum.” That sentence sends me over the edge as I cry out, the waves of pleasure washing through me in a hurry. My entire core throbs from the intensity and though I want to feel him inside of me a larger part of me wants to taste him. As I catch my breath I stare at the ceiling panting.

     “Well done. Shall I reward you?” A smile quickly stretches from ear to ear before I raise myself up on my forearms to answer his question. 

     “Yes, I would like that very much.”

     “Very well. What would you ask of me?” I waste no time in answering his question. I may still be recovering down below but the flame of my desire for him is still burning white hot.

     “I want to taste you.” I admit without hesitation, a fierce hunger raging through me. Once again he smiles but decides to play hard to get which only serves to unleash the animal within and effectively release me from my inhibitions. 

     “Oh? Then tell me in your words exactly what you want to do to me.” Oh boy Zyglavis sure is being quite the naughty boy tonight. How I absolutely love it. Getting on my hands and needs I slowly crawl toward him as if he were my prey even though he doesn’t seem the least bit intimidated. I had originally assumed that Zyglavis was inexperienced and innocent but I quickly learned how wrong I was when I offered him my virginity. He exudes more mature sexiness and confidence than Lou and Leo combined. 

     “Okay Zyglavis, Ill play your little game.” I smile mischievously. After closing the distance between us I sit on my feet facing him as he does the same. We are close enough that our knees are touching. He smirks confidently at my sudden eager boldness awaiting to hear my lust ridden words.

     “While I absolutely want to feel you buried deep inside of me, I want to taste you first. I want to wrap my lips and mouth around your enormous cock and suck the cum from it. I’ll start slowly, taking only the tip in first while pressing teasing kisses along the head. I’ll swirl my slippery wet tongue around it before pulling the rest of you into my hungry mouth. But don’t worry, I’ll do it nice and slowly so you can feel my tongue explore every little nook and curve. When I begin to feel my jaw tire I’ll beg you to fuck my mouth until you fill it with your divine warmth. I’ll be a good girl and make sure to swallow every bit of it and savor the sweetness on my lips. So, again I ask, will you let me taste you?” (’And the award for best dirty talk in a sex scene goes to...’) 

     “My you are quite the naughty goddess aren’t you? It seems you are in desperate need of a punishment speaking to a god in such a way.” He adjusts his position so that he is now sitting on his rear with his legs stretched out in front of him. Wasting no time he pulls me over draping me face down across his lap.

     “Such naughty words, I believe we’ll start with three strong spankings for you, you bad girl.” 

*SLAP* 

     It hurts so good. The lingering sting only fuels the fire as I await the next spanking.

*SLAP*

     “Mmnn. Oh god yeah...” My fingers curl into the sheets as I brace myself for the last.

*SLAP*

     I can feel the sting from the hand print I know he left behind which is only making me wet again especially being draped in this vulnerable position on Zyglavis. 

     “I am proud. You are quite exquisite at taking punishments but I would like to pleasure you more. Since you also wish to do the same for me I think we can accommodate each other with a few simple adjustments.” His warm and gentle hands tenderly lay me on my side placing a pillow for my head to rest upon. He too lies on his side facing me so that our heads are on opposing sides. Taking the lead he tenderly drapes my leg over his shoulder and I do the same which gives us both access to our desired prize. 

     I feel him first and can’t help but softly gasp at the divine sensation of his tongue along my wetness. As the heat swells I take all of him into my mouth savoring his sweetness. I have learned that apparently human men seem nothing like these divine beings. I suppose it pertains to their perfect pure bodies that need nothing but the energy of nature to sustain them. According to articles I have read in smutty magazines and discussing blow jobs with friends I was surprised to learn that there is a degree of....unpleasantness when dealing with a man’s nether regions. That couldn’t be farther from the truth regarding the gods. 

     Their inhuman cleanliness coupled with the purity of their bodies makes everything about the experience purely sexual and exquisite. Their divine seed tastes sweet almost like nectar making it more than simply enjoyable to swallow. The gods of the Zodiac more so than the rest as they have a unique property that allows for eternal youth. It’s no wonder the goddesses in the Heaven’s are always trying to get into one of their beds. It’s also no wonder I am deeply hated by those same goddesses as I have actually been with all twelve and now carry one of their children. It’s not as though any of this happened intentionally. At least not on my end. However I can’t help but wonder if being intimate with Zyglavis like this is also keeping me youthful. 

     With every pass of his tongue across my labia and clitoris I can’t help but suck harder and more desperately. The pleasure he is bringing me is driving me so insane I feel as though I want to swallow all of him. As I feel the familiar warmth starting to quiver deep inside I close my eyes taking him in as far as I can before choking. As soon as I feel myself reach the tipping point I simultaneously feel the steely hardness in my mouth begin to twitch. My orgasm is so intense I cry out in sheer ecstasy around Zyglavis’ cock. The sheer magnitude of it’s intensity makes every fiber of my being shudder in bliss. 

     Just as the last wave washes over me I am treated to the most amazing sound in the world as Zyglavis’ clear voice cries out filling my mouth and coating my tongue with round after round of his divine seed. The flavor so sweet and delicious I can’t help but drink it down greedily. Once he’s finished he moves so quickly it’s impossible to even see him actually in motion. He now has me straddling his lap his mouth hungrily claiming mine. 

     “You. Your scent, your taste. It’s different.” Upon hearing his words I cringe a moment remembering that unlike the pure divine beings I have lain with I am simply human. Sensing my sudden discomfort and hesitation he chuckles before kissing and nibbling on my ear keeping the fire burning.

     “Do not worry. Neither time I have tasted you has ever been anything less than perfect.” I feel relief upon hearing his confirmation once more relaxing my body into his.

     “However tonight you taste and smell so sweet, like honey and sugar. It’s....intoxicating. It is difficult to think of anything other than devouring all of you.” His confession is the final straw breaking down my confident facade making me desperate to feel him fill me heart and soul.

     “Zyglavis...nnmmm. Make love to me. Please.” It seems he too has reached his limit for playing around as he firmly but gently raises my hips and slowly brings them down as he fills me. My head falls back at the overwhelming and wonderful sensation of becoming one with him. Our movements are slow at first. Deliberate and coordinated as we move perfectly in sync. I wrap my arms around his neck pulling his head to my chest as he makes love to me. The way we are moving together leaves me in a foggy state of euphoria. I’m so caught up in his love I don’t even notice when the soft glow he has been emitting this entire time has gradually gotten brighter. Nor have either of us noticed in the depth of our passion that I too have begun emitting a light of my own that gradually grows brighter the closer we become. 

     With our bodies moving together rhythmically our voices mingle together in cries of passion. Zyglavis pulls me in for one last kiss as we both stand together at the precipice of our lovemaking. With his lips merely brushing against mine he speaks softly.

     “I....I love you.” With that we cling to each other’s damp bodies our vocal ecstasy surrounding us as we climax together embracing the finale of our union. We hold each other as we catch our breath, his heartbeat beating with equal fervor in his chest. Contented, I melt into him running my fingers through his silky hair.

     “I love you too Zyglavis. No matter what happens from here forward, you are now and will always be a part of me.”

Here’s the fic you requested me, @happyqueenandgrumpydork! 

I hope you’ll like it!

When Poppy simply told her best friend her little secret, the expression painted on Suki's face appeared absolutely priceless, unforgettable: a perfect mixture of surprise, happiness, disbelief, confusion, sentiment and joy. “Oh my... girl, ya're saying that... ya're pregnant!? Seriously!? This isn't a fuckin' prank, right!?” the dj covered her mouth and freckled cheeks with both hands, emotion and excitement in her purple eyes as she tightly hugged the always happy Queen. “I'm so, so glad for ya and Branch, sweetie! What a sly dog, that survivalist; he knocked ya up, uh?” the orange haired Troll winked naughtily, gently punching her bestie's left shoulder, of course playfully. “Did you tell Branch yet?”.

“So it seems, yes... it happened a week ago. And no, I haven't told him yet.” the pink haired girl sadly nodded, sipping a cup of warm tea and sighing out, fear and uncertainty shining in her magenta orbs as she spoke once again: “I just don't know what to do, or what to say anymore... In seven or six days I will give birth, and I'm so scared about it. I mean, what will the others think about me? What will my dad think about me? What will... Branch think about this, about us and the kid? Having sex and, most important, a baby before marriage goes against a couple of our traditions.” the female forced a laugh after a few moments, scratching her fluffy nape with her fingers and blushing slightly. “But after all, following the rules has never been my strong point, I guess.”.

Suki blinked a couple of times, not understanding all those useless worries: “Pops, are ya seriously concerned about the others' reaction? Trust me, your friends and your dad will go completely nuts when they'll found out about this, a baby is somethin' amazing, a beautiful new for the whole reign actually. And Branch? Come on, ya know him better than I do, he adores and loves ya with all his freakin' heart, of course he will be happy about this!” the musician, ended her wise speech, offered to the Queen a cinnamon bun, encouraging the royal Troll and promising to be by her side. “I will help ya when you'll decide to tell everyone. In my opinion, your pregnancy could be a whole new adventure for both of you guys, Branch wants to start a family with ya, girl.”.

“And how can you tell?” Poppy lifted her aching head after a short pause of silence, that tiny and resigned smile still there, apparently impossible to remove despite Suki's reassuring words. “How can you know that for sure, Suki? Of course, Branch is my boyfriend and I should blindly trust him... ok, I really do trust him, but at the same time I have my doubts about this particular situation. I just don't know how he and the others will react! What if he doesn't want another family and decides to just... go away, leaving me behind?”.

“Leavin' ya behind? Are ya kiddin', right?” Suki loudly slapped her forehead, sticking out her tongue and rolling her orbs, a little bit exasperated, trying to talk some sense into her beloved, childhood friend: “I can bet on it because ya already are his new family, Poppy. With you, Branch found serenity, will to live and deep love, all over again.” the reddish musician crossed her chubby legs, leaning against the back of her yellow couch lazily. “That stubborn survivalist won't let ya go or have second thoughts about the beautiful relationship ya two share... well, mostly because I would fuckin' kill him and then punch his lifeless, fat cadaver if he just tried to abandon ya... The others and Peppy will surely support your life decisions, like I'm doin' right now. But we must tell this to the gang as soon as possible, ya don't have a lot of time, besides their trust depends on it. Six or seven days before the birth, ya said?”.

“Ahaha yeah, pretty sure that's exactly what I said, within a week. You won, you won, I'll do it!” the Queen merrily laughed in front of her protective best friend, finally convinced and a little bit reassured. “You are completely right about this Suki, I should tell everyone as soon as possible. This night I will organize a little party here at 7:00 p.m., with an excuse of course, and then inform the Snack Pack, my dad and Branch. I hope it will turn out ok.”.

“Now ya're talkin', girl! It's settled!” the dj gave Poppy an high-five, immediately jumping up and stirring her tense back and limbs. “Com'on, we have a lot to organize and plan, no time to waste! I'll warn the Snack Pack now, ya warn Peppy and your paranoid man, alright?”.

The pink haired Troll nodded and stood up as well, one of her hands gently caressing her own belly in a weird, unconscious gesture that was starting to become pretty common since... the very beginning of her pregnancy. “Alright. See you all tonight at 7:00 p.m., right in front of my pod.” Poppy replied with a playful grin, walking towards the doorway and saying goodbye to her best friend. “I hope it will be ok. I really hope they will be happy about it...” the colorful Queen repeated in her mind, almost like a mantra, a small part of her still rightly scared and unsure. “Oh, and Suki... thanks for your advices.”.

“No problem, girl. I'm always here for ya, don't ya ever forget that.” Suki gently replied, winking and walking Poppy to the front door. “Don't worry too much and take care of yourself, remember that there's a little one inside that belly.”

That night was incredibly beautiful, magical and especially calm: the moon was standing high and proud in the clear sky, and all the bright stars were clearly visible, not even a single cloud could hide their majestic and reassuring light. And along with the darkness and a big group of familiar, loud guests, even Poppy's long awaited moment had inexorably arrived, after all. “Ehy, people! Glad you could make it! Don't just stand there, come on, come in!” the Queen quickly gestured, opening her door and making way for her jumping friends, old dad and perfectly composed boyfriend, that was looking at the Snack Pack with a pretty pissed and irritated look. Savage beasts...

“Poppy, how are you today?” Branch sweetly greeted the pink haired female, kissing her right cheek and staring at her with a pretty confused look. “While we were waiting, Suki said that you've got something very important to tell us all. What is it?” he asked then, tilting his chubby head to the left side in a strangely stupid but yet adorable way, according to the pink, royal Troll.

“Yeah, I actually do have something to say. Umh, very well... everybody, take a seat and listen up!” Poppy cleared her throat and shrugged, waiting for the others to get comfortable and ready for the big announcement. With the corner of her magenta eyes, the nervous Queen spotted Suki smiling at her, trying to encourage her bestie. “Alright, emh... you all know that Branch and I have been a couple since a pretty long time now. Well, more or less.” the chuckling female started her speech, grinning at her life partner and keeping up: “Either way, it feels like an eternity, a beautiful, amazing eternity. I'm sincerely having the best time of my life with you all, friends and dad, and with you Branch, by my side. But now, very soon, we're gonna be blessed with a new, tiny arrival in our lives, pretty much because...”; that was it, that was the moment or truth. Poppy took a deep, deep breath and relaxed her throbbing mind for a brief second, suddenly pronouncing those exciting but also scary words: “I'm pregnant.”.

The reactions Poppy got were pretty various, she had to admit. Her beloved father, after a moment of pure shock and surprise, rapidly got up and immediately hugged his daughter to his chest, tightly, to express his joy and congratulating non-stop. “This is a wonderful new, my dearest Poppy! I'm so glad for you and Branch! Everyone, I'm gonna be a grandpa! But when?”.

The twins, Biggie, Smidge, Fuzzbert and Cooper pretty much gasped with big smiles (well... Fuzzbert kinda smiled on the inside), joining their ex-King in the hug and talking without stopping for entire minutes. “Oh my god Poppy, you are seriously pregnant!? We must start to design new clothes for the baby as soon as possible, we'll start tonight! We'll make tiny socks, tiny hats, tiny pajamas, tiny scarfs, tiny gloves... but wait, will it be male or female? That's a problem, what color should we use!?”.

“That's absolutely amazing to hear! But...” Guy Diamond, despite his natural happiness, in that moment had a pretty lost and dumb look painted on his glittery visage as he tapped Suki's shoulder and whispered her a question in the ear.  “Suki, how did they make a baby?”. Needless to say, the musician replied with an eye roll, a firm slap across his face and a cold comment: “Dumb fuck.”.

And what about Branch? Well, his reaction was the cutest, but even the strangest in the whole group's opinions. In fact, after hearing that Poppy was pregnant, that she was carrying their unborn child, the small life they both created with love and passion... silent tears of emotion started to flow from his touched, wrinkled light blue eyes as he sank his face in his bigger and callous hands, crying. “P-Poppy... I... you... we...” the ex-survivalist managed to call her name between his sobbing, approaching his girlfriend and hugging her as well, nuzzling the Princess' neck and wrapping his purple hair around her magenta one, in a very protective gesture.

Understanding the situation and the couple's actual needs, the Snack Pack and Peppy slowly exited the room, leaving the two alone to talk in private.

Still weeping against her comforting shoulders and shaking in her familiar arms, Branch bit his lower lip and expressed his biggest fear, confiding completely with his love: “W-what if I mess up, Poppy? M-my parents weren't around while I was growing up, I... I don't know how to be a d-dad, I don't want to ruin our kid's life...” the bluish Troll sadly admitted, feeling like a total failure and leaning against Poppy, hurt and defeated in body and spirit.

“Mess up? Ruin a life? Branch, don't you ever think about this.” the pink, royal Troll caressed his wet cheeks and held his visage, trying to make eye contact with the ex-survivalist. “Branch please, look at me. You won't ruin its life, you won't mess up, I can bet on it. You are the most responsible, kind-hearted, brave, smart and gentle Troll I've ever met. If this child, if our child is just a fraction of who you are... it will be an upright and dignified sovereign, trusted and loved by everyone. Branch, you always trusted your instinct, do that this time as well. You would never ruin a life, 'cause you were capable of making my own life way better.” Poppy tenderly cooed, kissing his dry lips gently and sloppily, adding a few other words after they parted. “Are you... happy about this baby, honestly? Do you want to start a family with me?”.

“H-happy? Why are you even asking, my love? Of course I am, I do want to start a family with you, Pops!” Branch nodded with great decision, holding his beloved Queen closer and still not totally able to prevent some of his warm tears from streaming down, too excited about it. “D-do you really think I'm fit to be a dad? Despite my still grumpy personality and moody behaviour?”.

“I'm completely sure, dork.” the always positive Queen kissed his big nose, pressing their foreheads together and sighing when she felt the ex-survivalist's hands caressing her smaller body. “One week and it will come, you know.”.

“I will be ready, Pops.” the bluish male simply replied, suddenly knealing down and pressing one of his pointy ears against her tiny belly, as if he wanted to communicate with their unborn child. “I promise I'll be more than ready to meet this little guy or girl that day.”.

And he kept his promise.

One week later, Branch and Poppy were silently lying on a comfortable hospital bed, their colorful and teary (Branch's, to be specific) eyes staring at a tiny, little baby girl wrapped in a scented and delicate towel that the Queen was lovingly holding against her body. The little girl had pinkish skin and magenta hair, almost like her mother's but a just little darker, but a few locks of hair (the top part of it, especially) were purple, just like Branch's color. When the kid opened her eyes, the royal couple immediately noticed that her right one was light blue, and her left one was magenta. Heterochromia? “She is beautiful.” the ex-survivalist silently said, sniffing just slightly and then cuddling both his girlfriend and daugther, proudly watching the newborn play with one of his chubby fingers. “How do we name her? Any idea?”.

Well, that was a good question indeed. But the answer kinda came out from the inside after just a few seconds, leading Poppy to think about all her previous fears, insecurities and, especially, hopes for her future, for their future.

“Hope.”.

Hufflepuff!Joshua and Slytherin!Jihoon Hogwarts Headcanons

HUFFLEPUFF!JOSHUA:

Literally the sweetest boi, I cri

When he was put in Hufflepuff no one was surprised because he spent the whole train ride there being his gentlemanly self

Helping people with their luggage if he saw them struggling or having a hard time carrying their things

Holding doors for everyone- the ladies and  gentlemen

Because let’s be real- Joshua Hong don’t care about your gender he just wants you to be happy and comfortable

The lady with the snack cart rolls around to his section of the train and asks if he wants to buy anything

And he’s like “oh no thank you, but hi what’s your name”

Cue Joshua befriending the lady and learning her life story and the names of her 6 kids

The lady is like “can I give an award to your parents for raising you to be this way”

And Joshua is like !!! “My parents are great I’ll tell you why!”

He tells the lady everything about his family and is so happy and  enthusiastic and the woman is almost in tears she’s so touched

She’s all “if you need anYTHinG don’t hesitate to find me”

She low key leaves him a bunch of snacks without charging him

And he’s like “oh she must’ve left these, how nice” and shares with the other students around him and adfghjk  can you tell I love Joshua Hong because I do like who doesn’t

I stg it’s impossible not to love him

BUT ANYWAY

FLASH TF FORWARD

You know he’s one of the Prefects for Hufflepuff because like who else is more qualified? Soonyoung? No ma'am. Not unless we want a dance party every time people are trying to study in the commons room. 

Is really helpful and caring over the younger students and if he sees they’re getting frustrated/sad/homesick, he’ll just go full out dorky and get them to laugh

Student: *is sad*

Joshua: “Wanna see how high I can sing?” *SCREAMS*

Student: *not breathing enough because of how hard they’re laughing* 

If anyone questions his prefect method of handling things (which is usually in a casual and memey way) he’s just responds like “well it’s a good thing they didn’t make you prefect, you obviously have no idea what you’re doing”

*air horn noise x1000* KILL EM JOSH

if he’s really worn out or just generally feeling down after a long day, he’ll go to his bed and slide his guitar out from the space under his bed frame and play really relaxing and beautiful melodies and sing along

And EVERYONE KNOWS JOSHUA DOES THIS BC IF YOU HEARD THIS ANGEL DO MUSIC THINGS WOULD YOU KEEP QUIET? nope

So if someone hears Joshua playing in his dorm room from the commons room it’ll be a chorus of shuffling and whispers of “he’s playing again! Everyone hush and listen!” Until everyone literally stops what they’re doing to listen to his beautiful voice and rhythmic guitar playing. 

Joshua wonders why he finds most of the Hufflepuff kids asleep in the commons room the next morning like “how did you all manage to fall asleep here?? Why wouldn’t you go to bed?”

And Seungkwan and Hoshi are all “wELL yOU know these couches are so comfy ahaha”

And Joshua is just like “ …k good to know”

Everyone knows that if Joshua is ever up late playing pretty music it’s because he’s feeling down so they make like an organized system so that the next day, everyone is nice to him and only good things happen. 

Someone’s clumsy owl is flying straight for Joshua? Hoshi jumps and grabs it out of the air and then runs tf away so Joshua doesn’t notice anything happened. 

Some jerk looks like they’re about to start a fight with him? Seungkwan “accidentally” drops a vial of newts urine on the jerk. 

Seungkwan: *hair flips* “hmm… sorry bout that” *walks away*

Joshua: “??? Are you okay? Let me help you”

Joshua would literally help the guy clean himself up OBLIVIOUS TO THE GUY’S ILL INTENTIONS TOWARDS HIM and the guy would be like “WHY DID I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS ANGEL, I MUST PROTECT HIM” 

And this is how everyone comes to love Joshua

Because how can you not?

ALSO

Joshua was talking with some random Hufflepuff kiddo about Naruto and a pureblood Hufflepuff walked by and was like “wtf is a naruto”

And joshua was like “bro its an anime how do you not know this”

And then the pureblood kid was like “wait what is anime?”

Joshua immediately calls for a Hufflepuff house meeting

“Okay guys it’s come to my attention that some of us aren’t aware of a certain reALLY awESoME thing called anime so we’re gonna have a marathon of a handful of them. I chose Fairytail, One Piece, and Haikyuu for tonight, let’s do it!”

Half the kids are like “hECK YES”, and the other half are like “??? If it makes Joshua happy then sure I’ll stay”

Some kid: “what about Yuri On Ice??”

Joshua: “what ABOUT Yuri On Ice?”

Another kid: “wait doesn’t Jeonghan kind of look like Victor?”

Joshua: “omg, you’re right. no one tell him about it but let’s Photoshop his face onto Victor and fill his dorm with copies of it”

The kids: “Joshua aren’t you supposed to be nice”

Joshua: “I’m nice to you now hush Natsu is about to breathe fire”

A couple of days later Ravenclaw!Jeonghan (at this point in time his hair is dyed silver and is longer like in the Mansae era) storms up to the Hufflepuff dorms with hands full of crumpled Victor posters, demanding to see Joshua

Joshua is just like “oh it must’ve been one of your ravenclaw kids, us Hufflepuffs know not to start trouble”

Jeonghan: “what do you mean you don’t start trouble, you have Seungkwan and Soonyoung in your house”

Seungkwan: “LISTEN VICTOR GO BACK TO YOUR DORM”

Jeonghan dyed his hair black and cut it shorter the next day

All the Hufflepuffs were snickering and Joshua was like “doN’t make fun of him”

Joshua: “hey Jeonghan nice hair” *knowing smirk*

Moral of the story, everyone just wants this memey boy to be happy and loved, and he definitely is. Even by Jeonghan.

SLYTHERIN!JIHOON

Don’t make fun of his height unless you want to be hexed. 

Literally the other Slytherins call him “Prince of Hexing”

He really likes hexes the best because they’re worse than jinxes but not at bad as curses

They’re just the right amount of “don’t fuck with me, I dare you”

Is also a prefect like Joshua,  but more because he’s really smart and good at handling situations that require leadership (like who could be the leader of a subunit with memes like Seungkwan and DK and not be a good leader smh)

The other houses are like “woah this guy is hardcore”

But his Slytherin kids know he’s a softie :)))

Jihoon: “hey quit running in the hallway, who do you think you are”

Actual translation of his emotions: “don’t run in the hall because someone’s gonna get hurt and I’ll be upset if you guys are in pain”

He’s soft. But disguises it well. 

NO ONE TELLS HIM THAT HE’S SOFT UNLESS THEY WANNA BE HEXED THOUGH

Unless you’re like already good friends with him and just picking fun at each other and are like “aww you’re a cutie, ya know”

Jihoon’s cheeks will flush brighter than a tomato

Also the sleeves of his robes are a lil too long for his arms so he has constant sweater paws and it’s the cutest thing

I’m not saying that he has a prank war with Gryffindor!Seungcheol but that’s exactly what I’m saying

All the stereotypical negativity between Slytherins and Gryffindors has been channeled into pranking each other. 

For the most part it’s Slytherins Jihoon, Jun, Minghao, and Chan vs. Gryffindors Seungcheol, Vernon, and Mingyu.

This war was initiated in the dining hall on one fine day *ba dum tss*

Seungcheol may or may not have slipped a love potion into Jihoon’s drink (literally just for shits and giggles like he had no real reason to, he just wanted to see what would happen)

the next person to go talk to Jihoon was Hufflepuff!Soonyoung

Let’s just say that after a very accidentally romantic conversation between the two, that Soonyoung still has a crush on him lol (who wouldn’t)

Soonyoung: “SEUNGCHEOL THANK YOU”

Seungcheol: “??? You’re welcome?”

Meanwhile Jun, Minghao, and Chan who were at the Slytherin table at the time never let Jihoon live it down

So Jihoon is like “alright revenge time”

So he plans to hex Seungcheol because like. that’s just what he does, he’s Prince of Hexes. 

He goes to the stadium one day because he left his bag behind when he was leaving quidditch practice (his position on the team is beater) and was like “oh God my homework is in there, what if it rains???”

What a cute studious boy

But yeah he’s getting his bag from the stands and thought that no one else was in the stadium but there he is. Choi Seungcheol. Out on his broom practicing (He’s the captain of the Griffindor quidditch team). 

Jihoon is like “welp it’s now or never”

But he finds himself hesitating.

he realizes that if he hexes Seungcheol, the role model for the Gryffindor kids, how is that going to reflect on their opinion of Slytherin kids?

And Jihoon does NOT want anyone fucking around with his kids. 

So instead of putting a painful hex on Seungcheol, he turns Seungcheol’s originally black hair, very very pink. 

And he just leaves the stadium. 

Seungcheol meanwhile has no idea that this has happened, because he’s intensely practicing and there’s no mirrors around because it’s a stadium

He only finds out when he walks into the Gryffindor commons room, vry tired from practice, and goes up to his dorm which he shares with Mingyu. 

Mingyu sees him and loSES IT

He can’t even say why he’s laughing because he’s laughing so hard

Seungcheol is literally about to throw hands when Mingyu just shoves a hand-held mirror in his face

Seungcheol stops moving and just thinks really hard. 

And he knows that it was Jihoon. he knows in his sOUL that it was Jihoon. 

Mingyu is like “its okay man do you want me to fix it?”

But Seungcheol is like “no. let’s have the rest of the school see what he did”

Mingyu: “pffft okay, princess bubblegum”

Seungcheol: “right back at you, Cheeto”

Mingyu: :/

ANYWAY BACK TO JIHOON

The next day in the dining hall (because yes this is a high school, it’s just for magic and stuff, so like all high school dramas/movies, shit is gonna go down in the caf)

Seungcheol walks right up the Jihoon who’s sitting at the Slytherin table and is like “like my hair? ;)))”

Jihoon is like “yeah, it really suits you”

And Seungcheol

My boy, Seungcheol

We know how he gets a lil reckless when he’s competitive

So Seungcheol says “I’m surprised you could even see the color from all the way down there”

Before Jihoon can stand up or react or do anything, Seungcheol’s pink hair is covered in an apple pie

An apple pie that Slytherin!Minghao just happened to be taking to Jun who was sat further down the table

Jun: *yelling at Minghao in Chinese* “omg my freaking pie!!”

Minghao: *yelling back in Chinese* “it was fOR A GOOD CAUSE”

Seungcheol is just standing there. And on the inside he’s thinking “fair move, Slytherin”

And he just turns and gives Mingyu and Vernon a certain look full of determination and a lil bit of craziness tbh

They know what Seungcheol wants them to do

Cue Mingyu’s look of horror and Vernon’s biggest smile

Vernon stands on the Gryffindor table and yells loud enough for everyone to hear:

"FOOD FIGHT!!”

And metaphorically speaking, shit hits the fan. Literally speaking, Minghao is immediately pied in the face by Jun.

Minghao: *still yelling in Chinese* “WE’RE ON THE SAME SIDE”

No but for real everyone in Gryffindor and Slytherin are throwing food across the cafeteria at each other. 

And you know how in the dining hall there’s just four really long tables, one for each house? Well the Slytherin and Gryffindor tables are the outside tables. 

Which means they are throwing food OVER the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables. and a lot of food begins to hit these two houses too

Jeonghan and Joshua just make eye contact and nod and then everyone is in this fight

It lasts for about fifteen minutes until the professors can get it under control

When the professors ask who started it, everyone knows about Seungcheol and Jihoon’s feud, so the finger is pointed at them. 

While sitting in Dumbledore’s study, its dead silent but Jihoon and Seungcheol are shooting glances at each other every couple of seconds

Until they finally make eye contact and bust out laughing

“did you see Seungkwan get knocked out of his chair because Vernon threw a whole chicken at him?”

“Of course but did you see the look on Jeonghan’s face when Wonwoo smeared peanut butter into his hair?”

Dumbledore walks in and is like “I see you don’t regret your actions, but you’ve made a special bond with one another, so I’ll let you off the hook this time around”

Seungcheol: “wow, really?”

Dumbledore: “lol no, you two get to clean up the whole dining hall, without using magic. But that’ll give you two more time to get to know one another and realize you’re more similar than you think”

So Jihoon and Seungcheol spend the whole night cleaning, but they also talk the whole time, too. 

By the end of the night it’s like they’ve know each other their entire lives. 

The next day, Jihoon sees Seungcheol in the dining hall and smiles at him and everyone is like “…what. Jihoon just smiled at someone. and it was seuNGCHeoL. Are they friends now?”

But everyone just goes along with it and no one holds any grudges. 

Except for Minghao @Jun lmao

“Well Stone boy, let the games commence.”- Amanda

Too busy socializing and not sounding bad for once to make a long one but FUCKKKKK!

Welp.... there goes my plan, both of the people i could control the votes of are gone.

Jenna thought she could get me out? Ahaha, you're gonna have to try a little harder than THAT. Took me all of two hours to get an eight vote majority against you girl, maybe next time try and target somebody you can actually vote out. Catch ya later, little miss last place.

OMG BYE JENNA! You little snake ass bitch!! *booty drop* im so happy that snake is gone! BUT NOW A TRIBE SWAP OMFG! Already this game is so crazy! Amanda is safe so bless! Im gonna bring my social game in today and try to talk to the vets and then tmw for only a little bit I don't wanna be seen as a big social threat yet or overplay anything! I made an alliance with everyone that is left an good thing i was in an alliance with all of them! But the fact that i have previously made a doc with all the info from the past players should help my tribe out! Chris stoner is a big threat he won a season and got second out! I want him out but only if somone else brings up his name! I'm so anxious now oh my lordy!

I survived first tribal with no votes and I'm so excited. Though now we are switching tribes are im a little worried because I was in a good position and now I don't know where I stand

OKAY SO I made an alliance with Jacob Payton and Toph and we were ready to slay the game and stuff and then we have a tribe swap which meant we lost Jacob but we decided to do a newbies alliance so that's cute 

Payton is cute and it distracts me that is all

I am kinda alining myself with Madison just cause she won the thing at first and i think she's cute and i feel like that's gonna bite me in the butt. She's also though the only one i even remotely trust though atm.

So we swapped and there's some good things about this tribe, thankfully. They've got an inactive, and I screamed for joy when I saw that. The fans want Willa gone, we want Willa gone, so when it comes down to numbers the fans will be scrambling and that puts me in a neato position to work with either the newbs or the veterans, and I love that gig. As for the newbies, I'm really liking Toph, Payt, & Amanda so far. I haven't talked too much with Madison off-call but Amanda and I sent memes and did some good ol' Game of Thrones chatter, Toph is a fellow atheist (which there's less of us than I'd like rip) and Payt rocks his dino onesie and seems like a fun fella. But as for the returnees, I can't say I'm fond of many of 'em. I've barely spoken with LA and Jordan M., but I do like Adrian & Chris. Hopefully I'm on decent footing here, I just gotta stay chatty and stay sunny. I'm not going anywhere, bet on that.

JENNA WAS ROBBED also me socio-strategic icon not getting any votes except for the one i gave myself B) jk i was afk all day whoops, but this game is crazy already yikes cant wait to flop <3

The returners are some shady motherfuckers, like seriously the first fucking challenge they backstab us, like i trust that madison didn't and i'm pretty sure jordan lied to us and maybe poteet knows.

Surprise!

Tribal again, rip. I'm a little worried this round.

So, I planted the seed into the newbies alliance chat that we should get Chris out as soon as we can. I saw his games, he's a comp beast and has made FTC both times he's played. I feel like he's going to become a huge threat in the game if we don't take him out soon enough. I also feel really insecure with my newbies alliance, they haven't done anything shady, I just have a bad feeling. Thankfully, I can't get voted out this time! I love Jenna for giving me immunity. Payton wants Jordan out, but I kind of like him. He has been acting shady, but I think now is the best time to get Stone boy out. I don't think anyone will wind up listening to me, though. I told Poteet I'm debating between getting a threat out or someone annoying or someone shady and he was like "Well the other tribe isn't bad at challenges so I think we should stay strong for now." I get where he's coming from, but I have a feeling that Chris will be impossible to get out once merge hits. I'm having a (bean) dilemma right now and I just don't want to put a target on my back for mentioning Chris to any returnees. Payton told me he made an alliance with Poteet (and I think LA) and he told them to get Jordan out, so I guess we have to get him out now unless something (hopefully) changes. I'm happy though, I can remain a bit calm because in the end, I do have immunity. If something happens though and one of the newbies goes home, we're all royally fucked.

Omg we won immunity. It was close but we did it. Aah I'm just trying to make it a day at a time I personally didn't know what the heck I was doing during the challenge Out of all the vets, I have a pretty good relationship with Daniel And I have a good relationship with the newbies So hopefully I have a really good social game going

So, winning that challenge was AMAZING! I led Malaga to a big fat W, and I've made a group of friends doing it. I had a rocky start to this game, but I ain't going any where for a while yet, so I guess y'all are stuck with me.

guess who has no fucking clue what's happening? it's me it's been a busy couple days and my cat died and i died inside and there is this org going on that i'm probably losing and there are new people and old people who probably know each other and there's a shea and an angry tomato in our tribe chat for some reason i'm actually so confused about life i think there was a challenge

Hiiiii! Your fave floppy fan from the last FvF is here and is ready for his second shot at the virtual million bucks! I love everyone here, from the hosts to the people that actively tried to talk to me: Jordan Pines, Rhone, Poteet, Jake and Jordan M! But we're not on the island coming off the boats or whatever, and these twisted hosts say that we have to vote someone off from both tribes?!?! Also, noting the fact right now that I was completely oblivious that there were 22 people to begin with and not 20 AJNAJSND I HAVE BEEN A MESS SINCE THIS GAME STARTED AND I HATE IT ALREADY! So, I have been somewhat inactive in the first 24 hours of this game. Half of the returnee tribe has not responded to my add request, and I have only been talking to Jake, Rhone and Poteet a whole lot. Both Jordans are chill, but Pines is acting all fucking smug ever since it was announced that he found that immunity? Okay chill. We get that you're immune for the first tribal of the season, but most of this community knows your reputation of being a dick and asswipe, and I wasn't apart of that mindset until you demonstrated it with our short 15 minute talk. I pray we lose this first challenge so I can take you out. Day 2 and WHEWWWWW ALREADY A TRIBE SWAP? Amazing. Just amazing. Also there is a thing called "Trials of Terror" this season? But like, where is the trials part of this twist.... and how is it terrorizing? All we have for premergers is for them to hand immunity to some unsuspecting flop from either tribe, only for them to advance to the next round of gameplay? Again, terrorizing? No. Good idea to be buddy-buddy with the person who's name you are writing down tonight? ABSOLUTELY!

So this round is a god damn mess. Payton really is trying my patience right now. First you want me and poteet to target each other. Now you want to target me. Oh hunny no you gotta try harder than that. The best part is poteet helped me in the challenge to try and get the advantage so that was his first mistake. Also Madison I see you leaking information. That's noted and wont be forgotten. I'm so ready to get votes at every tribal I attend honestly. Shower me in votes daddy.

It is Day 4? Idk I lost count already that's so sad :( But, my new tribe lost the challenge and I'm not even too worried. The newbies are like digging their selves into a ditch and I'm just sitting back and watching the show unfold. Willa is an inactive mess. Thank god I got to see how he played in Athena ORG, cause then I would know to keep him on a leash. Amanda and Toph are like the only cool ones I had the pleasure of talking too. Madison is something. Girl, I personally think is oblivious to the fact that we swapped tribes and did not add me back until the challenge results went up, and there is Payton. Sweet lovable Payton. Dude you're  a mess, and you already fucked up saying that you have an alliance with someone by posting in the tribe chat "but don't tell anyone we're an F2"..... Typical newbies. Its hilarious to watch honestly. Literally, how people are like offering me these alliances offers is truly baffling. Because I am really at most a 6 on the activity scale at this point, and with us attending tribal tonight, they're really looking and scoping for a vote that they can use huh? But alright, I'll play dumb and go along with your plans. Just don't be shocked when its you tonight that goes home!

So after we lost immunity I started talking to Jordan who said that Payton kept beans for himself during the challenge so of course I immediately told Payton so then we got the anti Jordan train rolling BUT WAIT now Jordan wants to work with our newbie alliance so idk how I got out of this bean mess unscathed nobody even blamed for it which offends me deeply and I would just like to say that Jordan Means rhymes with beans so he was the one that held out that is all

I'm not agreeing with Amanda or Payton so that nobody can use my words against me but now everyone is turning against Payton who I trust so very much so I feel really torn about the vote and Ahhhh

Looks like I'm the only newbie here that grew a pair of balls today. Jordan told me that he knows Petra and I was like "Oh shit, I have to flip this vote on my own!" So, I suggested it to the newbies alliance. Turns out, I was right for having a bad feeling about them. Payton goes to Chris and tells him that I'm throwing his name out there. This little hoe is really testing my patience huh??? I rallied up myself, Jordan, Madison, Toph, Adrian, and Willa to get Chris out. Things should go smoothly because I highly doubt he has an idol. I heard that people were also trying to get Payton out, but I brought up the point that if Payton goes he will give Chris immunity. I thoroughly believe Chris is a very smart person so I think he would throw immunity just so he can take out one of our numbers, which could wind up being me. Also, this is how I know Payton is out to get me. [3:15:32 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: hmm [3:15:37 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: just be careful [3:15:58 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: watch your back [3:16:20 PM] Amanda Sledge: okay then [3:16:23 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: look [3:16:25 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: dont be fake [3:16:28 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: dont come at me w that fake shit [3:16:29 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: ill get u out [3:16:33 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: easily [3:16:35 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: trust me [3:16:38 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: im not some fool [3:16:46 PM] Amanda Sledge: okay [3:17:35 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: just done be fake thats all [3:17:38 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: otherwise im a great guy! [3:17:43 PM] Amanda Sledge: aight lol [3:17:45 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: if u wanna come after me have some balls [3:17:48 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: say yo ur a threat [3:17:50 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: boom game done lets go versus [3:17:56 PM] Amanda Sledge: aight then [3:18:00 PM] Amanda Sledge: game on pal [3:18:09 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: this is where the fun begins [3:18:11 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: gluck [3:18:16 PM] Amanda Sledge: thank you [3:18:20 PM] Amanda Sledge: good luck to you as well [3:18:34 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: ur safe tonight [3:18:42 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: but not next round [3:18:46 PM] Amanda Sledge: yep Well Stone boy, let the games commence.

God, I've been torn all day, but I decided to vote Payton out. Chris gave me a really good case, and I decided to listen to it. Let's hope that it will benefit me in the game! Fingers crossed. [5:24:29 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: well this is my pitch to you in regards to not voting me [5:24:33 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: I am loyal to those who help me [5:24:43 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: you came after me in a good attempt but without getting to know me [5:24:51 PM] Amanda Sledge: fair point [5:24:54 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: i don't judge that or hold it against you, I expected it coming into the game [5:25:08 PM] Amanda Sledge: my messages are gonna send later my wifi sucks sorry [5:25:10 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: im pretty loyal, I'm good at comps. i am the only winner in this game so there will be plenty of time to get me out [5:25:12 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: no worries youre good [5:25:18 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: no one will let me win twice [5:25:29 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: let alone make finals again [5:25:36 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: i got luky a second time cause i had 2 very very close friends who i knew for 6 years [5:25:46 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: this time im alone with a big red target on my back [5:26:31 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: thats the jist. im loyal to those who help me. my allies make it to the end with me. I'm strong in comps and I will always have a big target [5:26:37 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: this big move of yours will paint a target on your back [5:26:48 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: and i think it benefits you to have me in the game to keep that target me and you in the shadows

After tonight Imma just shut up for a while XD

Dora the explorer becoming my best friend? more likely then you think 

So I can’t fully 100% tell anyone about this rn cause Spenny is sleeping and Pati isn’t around so HERE GOES PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE STORY OF THE YEAR

So like ykno Alex the French/Spanish guy that I’ve been after for like 2 years but we only ever really spent 1 night together until this year because he stopped replying cause he was a dick and then I moved to London and then HE MOVED TO LONDON TOO and we met up once for drinks once but it was so incredibly innocent and just drinks. And then I moved back to Warsaw and so did he like 6 months later. Well it’s been going much better recently, we’ve been seeing each other more in general like going with separate friend groups to the same places and just saying hi and then when I’m drunk I text him to get his “shift” together and come over HAHAHAHAHA drunk Jamie is unstoppable. 

Anyways, last night I was at this techno club Smolna with my close friends from uni (our last hoorah) and low and behold who fucking texts me at 7pm asking if I had plans tonight? Alex of course. But the thing is he texted me 2 days before asking what I was up to, so of course I’m like alright, momma gonna get her sugar tonight. But what does he do? He stops replying after the second message. Literally CLASSIC ALEX. There is not a more Alex move to pull. So last night when he texted me I was like k fuck u, I want you obvs but f u. So I reply after a while saying Smolnaaa, and he goes “hum” which is supposed to be “hmm” but Alex is a fucking weirdo so. So anyways I go “lol why whats up” and hes all “i’m home...” and i’m like “okay...” ahahhahahahahaha literally dead i love myself. And he goes “come over :)”. So at this point I’m still going to Smolna but he says to come over after (which is obvs at like 4am or something). So we go to Smolna and it’s all fun, raining a bit on the patio but no one gives a fuck.

So we’re dancing and having a good time and there was this guy who spilled his drink on my friend and he didn’t notice but then he did and was SOO apologetic and of course I realize right away he has a British accent. My British radar is impeccable I swear. So I can tell right away he’s pretty fucked up, drunk or whatever he is. He said he’s on a stag do with his buddies so I ask where his friends are and he didn’t know so I said to stay with us. So the night goes on and he goes off on his own nothing special, but then I see a group of these British guys and they’re all speaking in an accent so I go up to one and tell him that I saw this guy earlier that was part of a stag do but he couldn’t find his friends! And this guy (who is incredibly handsome might I add) says yeah yeah he’s with us! And he was the only guy in the whole group that didn’t look completely wrecked so I kept talking to him. And we introduced ourselves, his name is ARCHIE. How fucking adorable is that. I don’t think there is a more adorable name I swear. AND HE’S BRITISH. ugh. So anyways, Archie and I chill and dance and talk and we get to know each other a tad, he lives in London (thank fucking jesus I love London). But as the witching hour approaches I’m thinking Alex is probably going to go to bed soon so I either go now or never. 

I call Alex and he’s still up, this is around 230am. I leave around 330am, my phone on very low battery but I made it! He’s staying in his brother’s old place so I didn’t know where it was exactly. And oh my god. This is where the night just keeps getting better and better.

Before last night like.. I’m obvs obsessed with Alex cause he’s so fucking attractive, but I thought that we didn’t have much to talk about really. Like he can be kinda negative and a dick and he knows it but that’s him. But last night was a COMPLETE 180. He didn’t go out so he was 100% sober which has not happened ever when we meet late at night. I got there and he was in bed chillin and I was still high so I was chatty af. So we were talking and honestly we talked for about an hour about everything and whatever came to mind and it was great. Like.. really really great. He was so cute in his boxers and T laying there while I was bouncing around the flat ahahhahaha. And I was making fun of him and we were laughing and just.. it was really really nice. So finally I calmed down and laid down and of course you guys know the rest. I slept alright cause the high but he snores but honestly it didn’t bother me that much, I think that’s when it means something. When you think their snoring is cute. One of the things I really like about him is although he can be a  dick sometimes, he is the biggest teddybear I swear. He gained weight recently this year but honestly it doesn’t even bother me. He’s hairy head to toe literally chest, back, EVERYWHERE HAIR. Which of course if you know me then you know I’m totally into that (ya the back hair not necessarily that much but it doesn’t bother me;)). So he’s quite literally this big teddy bear. And he cuddles so nicely. Like we didn’t cuddle much during the night cause it was hot af and just cause but in the morning he comes over to me and puts his arm around me and he’s just really sweet when he wants to be. So obvs then this morning you guys know the rest, but damn. One thing I will say is that drunk sex SUCKS DICK and oh my god if Alex and I were always sober when meeting up I think it would’ve been a way more frequent thing cause HOT DAMN he knows his shit. Ugh. I feel like I’m glowing.

 And then after he was considering buying more stock on some weird internet currency idfk I have no clue, and I was laying on the bed and he was at his desk and we were just chatting and he was talking to himself but also to me kinda ahaha but I love that cause I literally do that ALL THE TIME. And yeah. It was just really good. And at the end I was leaving and I was poking fun and it was just horrible cause he’s a mean man but he’s really not. I know it might sound like he’s a huge dick but he’s just honest and he knows he’s not the nicest person ever but he’s okay with that and honestly as long as he’s not hurting me then it’s okay. And we will never ever date (I FUCKING WISH WHYYY) cause I won’t live here anymore and I don’t think he would be interested in dating me (who knows?) so it’ll just stay this way and I’m totally good with that.

Ugh guys. He’s legit the only guy since I left Canada that I’ve been this enthralled by. I wish there was some sort of way it could or had a chance to become something more but I know my destiny isn’t here in Warsaw, it’s in Edmonton. But fuck it was great having him around, especially this last year. I’m gonna miss him. I am a woman in love. 

“Catherine” - EPISODE 3

Honestly I'm me believing Seamus when he tells me everyones voting for Shea and I end up putting some cocky ass confessional that looks absolutely dumb now because he didn't go. I'm. Just. Sad. I should've known better whew. Anyway I need a swap or something, like I need new people and ones that actually wanna form solid alliances because literally nothing is happening here and I'm too eager to just sit around...Anyway...Send help...And wish me luck.

my game consists of nothing but doing what amanda & kait tell me to do.. D: im sorry i'm a flop i've just been real busy....if i make it to merge i'll start playing then

My tribe is doing that. I survived our first tribal council, and got myself into a majority. I literally told everyone they're the only person I talk to lol I love people quitting like honestly my aesthetic is people leaving without me having to do anything. Who's next?!

So I went from winning two immunities to getting second to last! Ahaha at least I might not look like a threat! Right after rhea was announced as immune I went to working making sure I was safe I talked to rob, Amanda, rhea, kait and Emma to get Steven out! If all goes well I'll be safe and we can move on to the next challenge 

Honestly this Matilda thing isn't so bad. 1, I'm in Chicago so it's hard to participate depending on the challenge. 2, as long as the vote goes as planned this time having everyone vulnerable for the next ones allows my alliance to vote out who we want. Seamus should be going tonight which makes me sad because he is really cool and awesome to talk to. But because of the reactions from last vote it's the best move. Hopefully the game changers continue to dominate. But ya never know with this game. 

WHEW me getting out in the first round? I believe it. Relatable content. I'm so hungover and I don't have the patience to figure out the vote. I think it's Seamus, but I need to check in with people, but I'm also trying to not fucking vomit. 

Alright so I'm kinda sad I flopped in the challenge, both winning/losing it....And now no matter what we're all vulnerable next round thanks to the lovely Matilda so everything is just lovely. On the bright side Kait told me she found the idol so Queen! As of right now I think I'm in a good spot and as far as I know the vote is between Shea and Seamus. I really want Shea to go because I trust Seamus! Like he really got screwed over last vote and I'm shocked people handled that so poorly!? Like don't make people believe something's the vote when it's not!?!? I literally thought he knew about the split but then Lily told me she didn't tell him about it and just let him vote Shea like......Why would you do that...So now I'm a bit nervous about Lily but I think I can trust her for now. That's about it for now but I'm gonna try everything I can to make sure Seamus isn't caught in the crosshairs here.

so last round these mcfucking liars of tribemates told me they were all voting shea but then voted veronica and didnt tell me :/ so i kinda had to play catch up and guilt a few of them so they wouldnt target me this week. i believe again that sheais going home this week but im p sure im getting some votes

So it sounds like shea is going tonight? Which is cool with me because he hasn't been talking to me much recently. I wasn't sure about Seamus because of how the last vote went but it seems like Seamus and I are good. I just don't want any flippers going into a merge tbh. Haha. But honestly people will flip shit will go down and we just wanna go in with the best tribe possible. Also this Matilda thing? Might actually be okay if we have the same tribes tomorrow. I'm worried we will have a tribe swap and all of the tasi people won't be able to get immunity so we will all get voted out. I'm glad I don't have to do a challenge while I'm in Chicago tho so that's good. Hopefully everything works out and I don't get too much anxiety. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9MGnRX900w&feature=youtu.be

I think I orchestrated my first vote ever and it was amazing. I got out Sam, screw him, he's the worst and I bet he didn't care about the game. Now I want Steven gone, cause... who's Steven? He seems snealy too. I think I might go too, so I'm not cocky.

I hate everyone still. This tribe is boring AF. Rob goes and tells everyone last night about his plan to vote Steven this vote, which is fine by me bc I didn't even know there was a Steven on our tribe!!!!! However like Darian and Amandie (they will be referred to as that from here on out) came to me about it also after. So okay Rob I see you leaving me out until TODAY!!!' Freak. Anyways, I'm fine with him thinking he's some kind of kingpin for now til I decide I'm tired of doing what I'm told hehehe

So I won immunity!! https://media2.giphy.com/media/1ofR3QioNy264/200.webp#4 I can't believe I actually won an immunity! And so, here I am just like,  https://media4.giphy.com/media/qGmYKpdCVoXu0/200.webp#8 I don't like that Darian is calling all the shots! https://media.giphy.com/media/vouHgfse1v7cA/giphy.gif I want him to go soon, but I forsee him easily making the merge which scares me. 

I CAN FINALLY VOTE!!!!! London Tipton voice "YAY ME" *clap clap*

So I go to do the deep challenger thing and....they say get past level 4 on what's inside the box. I was like okay, but then I realize, I played this game literally yesterday for fun and I was like oh okay, and then I realize I chose some pussy shit lol

From what I can tell...The plan is to leave Kelsey out of the loop which is so stupid. I don't know why these people want to ostracize so many people from votes like they did it with Seamus last vote with no valid reason!?!? I know Kelsey felt sympathy for Shea last vote which is making people nervous so that makes a little bit more sense but like...I just don't feel comfortable leaving people out of the loop? Ugh. This is just too much. 

Okay so my confessionals have sucked and I'm sorry. Lily, Liana, Dan, and I are all in an alliance and we've decided who's getting voted out every round and this time we'e going for Shea. Last time he got wind that his name was being thrown out there even though it was the decoy name and he went OFF!! LIKE HE WAS CRAZY FREAKING OUT AT EVERYONE! And during the first vote he was throwing out EVERYONE'S name! He threw out mine, Christine's, and Carson's and those are just the ones that I heard about. Who knows who else he was saying. So his messy ass has got to go. I think we might be swapping soon and I don't want to get stuck with someone who's going to throw me under the bus the first second they get to save themselves. So I also got to go to that Challenger Deep thing. IT FUCKING SUCKED! I HATED IT! I picked level 25 because I think hey that's pretty deep and the deeper you go the harder the challenge but the bigger prize! TOO BAD THE PRIZES WAS A FUCKING PUNISHMENT! Now no one from my tribe can compete in the immunity challenge next time and I feel awful. If we stay in these tribes then it'll make it easier to just vote out Kelsey but if it's a swap we're all fucked because of it.

I....Might've caved and told Kelsey the plan. If this backfires.....I'm dead. I just felt so bad like Kelsey didn't deserve to be left out, you know? Don't let me down Kelsey, don't let me down.

Im just doing this so I dont get a strike

Girl. Hold my hair...this week was too much. Coming off of Veronica's elimination, I was feeling so good for Shea and I. It seemed like we have finally found some leverage in the competition and I was ready to run with it. However, when I checked in today and saw a severe lack of people wanting to talk strategy, I knew something was up. Winning immunity was amazing and I don't regret that for a second but I think it softened my reaction time a little bit. I think the biggest challenge for me in this game is actually pushing myself out there. I'm usually very confident in my facade of being a harmless player letting me be subtle in my moves but I don't think that's the case at all anymore. If you don't speak up, you're outspoken and...that showed this week. It's a deadly balance that you have to find and on the tribe this week, it just didn't work for me. Originally, Shea wanted to do Seamus but lil' ol me thought we could get out another person who's a threat such as Liana since Seamus still makes an effort to talk to me. When it came to the votes and convincing others...not many people wanted to strategize with me and that was a definite problem. The only people who kept it real with me- or shall I say person- was Catherine. (Host Note: Whom??) THAT is something I appreciate more than anything. I thought that Lily would but unfortunately she was "out" the whole day. Girl...get a grip. Catherine (???) would definitely be the only person I cling to in the competition IF we were still together but...we. Merged. DEAR JESUS AND LORD ABOVE, THANK THE HEAVENS!!! I know I'm not going to be able to win immunity, but at this point, I could care less. This is definitely something that came at just the right time. I was at the bottom of my tribe and I know a few people are still going to be coming after me, especially coming off of my immunity win. However, I'm giving this week everything that I've got. While I doubt more and more I was the real mastermind of eliminating Veronica, the reason why I was prominent in that elimination was because I was bold. Not aggressive, just bold. I think if I can harness that quality again, I can breakthrough another one. Tasi is OVER, darling. Liana is already fuming despite her attempts to cover it up. There are people from Tasi that I bet will never talk to me again now that we're merged. Everything I want, I've definitely got to work myself for. Basically, it's what I expected it to be being a new player; it's me working for myself now. Now's the part where veterans who know each other and people with connections outside of this game start linking back up. It's up to me to start really wedging myself in. I want to give people a reason to vote out anyone BUT me. And at this point, now that Shea's gone, I'm going Open Season on all of these hookers. Miracles are hard to do, but if I did it once, I can do it again. I REALLY want to show these people what I can do. I came to slash throats, save my family and wear ugg boots. And if I have to do it from scratch? Christina, bring me the axe; NAAAAAOOO!!!! Wish me luck! Sincerely, Canada's Self Proclaimed Favourite; Kelsey Mikaelson~!