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poopingonthefloor · 10 months

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Davesport is Toxic NOT abusive

(((WARNING: PRETTY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT.))) I've seen some people making the claims that Davesport is comship/proship (ok well i've more seen people bitching about it) and im tired of the Davesport slander so this will be an analysis of their relationship. My motive isn't to force anyone to ship it or anything- i really dont care what you do with your life, my frustration is just when people try to make up REASONS why they don't like the ship, even though its literally canon (and not badly written). My main point is -- You can hate what you want. You don't need a reason, and it doesn't need to be bad just because you don't like it. But I will not take any slander on their ship nor any slander of people who like davesport. Davesport is absolutely toxic-- No DSAF fan would disagree. They are literally child murderers with little to no souls and literally are physically disfigured to the point they don't have the capacity to feel proper humanity anymore. You cant expect 2 men who live their lives willingly murdering and then partying in vegas to celebrate on repeat to be gentle and kind to themselves or anyone else.

However, its NOT abusive. I've seen multiple people (mostly from twitter screenshots) claim that Davesport is abusive or the way people portray it is in a fetishy or romanticizing way of abuse, when that's just not the case. I don't blame a lot of people, since a lot of it comes from reading context and intent of the artist, which not everyone is good at-- BUT I'm here to assure you that MOST people don't intend to do that much and just like to portray how their dynamic is canonically like or portray Daves obsession with Jack. Another argument I've seen (by a twitter screenshot...) is that people are comshipping Davesport because people draw Jack annoyed a lot at Dave when...thats not true? That's just Jack's personality, first off:

(From the Dave x Reader fanfic by Directdoggo)

"Jack is a bastardman not very touchy-feely. We can see this in many scenes, where Dave more or less says “I love you” and Jack responds with deflecting humour, or outright scorn. When Dave says it for the final time, this time, Jack tries to say it back, but can’t outright, only getting out: “Why is this so hard?” and “I hope you can find peace with what you’ve done.” Which Dave understood the meaning of. (Hey, better than Henry (LEGACY Jack) hearing “I love you” and proceeding to tear Dave limb from limb, huh?"

(Directdoggo describing Jack's personality)

I know it can be a little confusing to some people, but as someone who struggles with similar issues, just because he struggles to express intimately doesn't mean he can't love anything. Sometimes people are just different and communicating like that doesn't come as easily, even to the people you're closest to. To make it as easy as possible to comprehend-- He's quite literally a tsundere. (Minus the exaggerated ridiculousness in anime) He loves Dave, he just cant bring himself to say or act like it. The dismissiveness or rudeness in response to Dave's affection is not abuse, it's just a defensive response since he doesn't know how to say it back. (His way of being "shy") -- Also note its important that Dave UNDERSTANDS this about him by that point.

However Jack isn't the only thing I've seen regarding the claims that their ship is abusive-- and to debunk all of those I'm going to explain the three points that keep Davesport from being abusive, and I'll use Henry x Dave (which is what I'll call it to prevent it getting confused for FNAF willry) as an example alongside it since its super obvious why that one is messed up. Firstly, They are both bad people. By this point, Dave and Jack are murderers. It's just not surprising that they will be willing to kill each other at at least some point, considering they are willing to kill 5 year olds without remorse- and they'll both deserve it. It's only their own faults that they teamed up with the other, and it's meant to be the ultimate irony when Jack becomes even worse than Dave by "An ending". My point is- they're bad people. It's not like they're owed perfect company or would choose wholesome people to hang out with when they're literally both child murderers. Dave wasn't evil and didn't want to kill by the time he teamed up with Henry (and even after it was Henry's fault), so by that point his suffering was absolutely undeserved.

Secondly, They're lacking any specific power dynamic. Unlike Henry and Dave- whom have several levels of "Age, Father figure, and Employer", the most important one is that Henry is Dave's abuser. He manipulated him and purposefully harmed him both mentally and physically, whereas Dave never had any intention of doing either because Dave loved him and didn't want to lose him (because he had nobody else) This obviously much different with Dave and Jack, whom other than being taller and several years older than (which you can argue their 6 year age gap is weird but they didnt get to know each other till they were both older than 30 so by that point age difference doesnt rlly matter and (also theyre "mentally" like 24 and 22 canonically anyways (as much as I usually hate that argument)) Other then that they are only co-workers. This is a bit more arguable during DSAF 1, where Dave comes across more threatening and comes across like he's manipulating Jack, but I don't exactly count that because I wouldn't say theyre "shippable" or in their "situationship*" by that point (but also because them even being a ship was barely considered by the creator at that point obviously)-- whereas Dave is certainly more easily recognized as sincere to Jack in DSAF 2. Jack also is not someone who is afraid to defend himself against Dave, as shown by the fact he's willing to call out Dave's ridiculous behaviors (which is reasonable of him to do).

(Also from the Dave x reader fanfic) (I just think this specific screenshot debunks any sort of "power dynamic" claim)

My Third and Final point: There is a CHOICE involved I haven't really done much Dave defense in this post, but his defense is very simple: He is literally physically unable to comprehend guilt or conscience. Dave didn't want to murder anyone in the first place, but it was Henry who fucked with his (literal) head so much to the point he stopped being able to feel guilt. He doesn't care about murder and doing wrong because he CAN'T care. You can't really let that reflect Dave as a character when he's really not in control of himself in the first place. Now with that, that doesn't change the fact he could certainly affect and hurt people, and it's fully up to Jack as to whether or not he wants to deal with this purple man's freakish life choices and hobbies or not. And that's honestly super dependent on the ending you decide to base Jack on. Most people see the 'canon' endings to be: Gnarly ending (DSAF 1) -> An ending (DSAF 2) -> Good ending (DSAF 3) Where in all of these, Jack DOES choose to deal with Dave and basically is completely cool with murder. You don't have to follow those endings if you don't want to, but that's just typically what the modern "Davesport" is known for, but its what I'm using for my defense (considering this is a defense of both fandom and canon Davesport.) Though as opposed with Henry and Dave- Dave had no choice. Henry only ever manipulated him into thinking he did, and Henry made sure to feed this whole 'we will be a family' ideal into Dave (who never had one) so that Dave would be terrified to lose him. Jack never manipulates Dave (when teamed up with him), and Dave never manipulates Jack (tho arguable in DSAF 1 as well). They stay with each other despite all of their issues, and I believe its due to some co-dependency (imo I think Jack is also obsessed with Dave just in a different way before DSAF 3) Which isn't healthy, but not...inherently abusive.

I believe my main three points kind of cover the most of why I dont consider Davesport to be inherently a bad ship, but like I said- if you don't like it, none of that matters anyways. You dont NEED a reason to like something, and I wont try to convince you why you should ship something because I like it. Just don't hate it just because of what someone else says-- 90% of the dsaf fandom aren't comshippers, and Davesport isn't gross or "toxic /neg" just because it's not healthy. I think "Don't fetishize/romanticize literal abuse like its normal or sexy" and "We should explore more complicated and unhealthy dynamics" can and SHOULD coincide with each other!!!! I think Davesport is great because of how bittersweet it is that these two people finally found solace and acceptance in each other but couldn't get past the self-sabotaging nature of what Henry turned them both into, ultimately making it impossible to work out forever. I think embracing the Davesport makes the (kind of aged) trilogy a lot more enjoyable of an experience and I DO encourage any davesport skeptics to keep an open mind. [Pretend I wrapped this up super nicely I can never do that--- Also this is open for conversation and/or debate, and also yada yada my bad if i said something randomly terrible I have extremely poor social skills lol let me know so I dont do it again yada yada] *Also if anyone doesnt know a situationship is (at least in the context im using it in ive heard other definitions for it but its not a real word so i actually dont care) when 2(or more) people basically treat eachother like lovers but they never communicate this outright and dont technically officially date but like they treat and commit to eachother like a partner would) (So its kind of what all those people who playfully flirt and call each other their spouses as a commited running joke are in)

#this might have gotten a little messy by the second half but i've spent so long on this the words have lost their meaning #could you believe this is my second draft #ill make a tldr...#dsaf #dayshift at freddy's #dave miller #jack kennedy #dayshift at freddy's 2 #dsaf dave #dsaf dave miller #dsaf jack #old sport #dsaf old sport #dsaf william afton #dayshift at freddy's jack #dayshift at freddy's 3 #dayshift at freddys

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ssalballoon · 4 months

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i wanna get better at art but dont know how to start ^^' whats a good way to get into studying anatomy and improving as an artist? tysm 💗 love your art soso much

more art converts 😼 yay!!

i think these asks were sent by different people but they're pretty related + a lot of my advice is the same! so i'll answer these together under the cut (it's so long oh gosh)

ok first of all i'm very flattered that people are asking me for art advice but i'm really not the most equipped person to ask TTOTT I've never been deliberately studious with my art so I feel bad offering advice when I've mostly gotten by with just drawing fanart and ocs a lot... my rate of improvement has therefore been slow, but I've still had an enjoyable learning experience so perhaps from that angle my input may help! i'll mainly refer you to external resources that have helped me

For anatomy + drawing humans:

1) I know I'm not diligent enough to sit down and study muscles, so instead I make it more enjoyable by drawing my favorite characters in a pose that targets the muscles I want to practice! (i default to drawing ppl naked because of this lol) This isn't the most efficient, but it serves as good motivation to get practice in. (honestly a lot of my general art advice has the undercurrent of becoming so obsessed with characters to drive your motivation to draw even when artblocked/ struggling with doubts!)

2) I want to refer you to Sinix's Anatomy playlist! Although Sinix focuses more on digital painting, he gives simplified anatomy breakdowns that include how muscles change shape under different movements/poses, which is crucial for natural human posing. the static anatomy diagrams from Google don't really help for that

3) What's just as important as anatomy is gestures! (especially important if you're used to drawing non-human objects I think!) Making figures look like they have flow to them will sell the "naturalness"(?) to your anatomy. If you have in person life drawing sessions accessible near you I'd recommend trying those out, or if you prefer trying it digitally there's this website!

This helps you not only get a sense of human proportions, but also natural posing! I'd limit the time taken to draw the poses from like 10 seconds to 1 minute(?) for quick gestures, and maybe 1 minute to 5mins(for now!! typically they go much longer) to study human proportions. I'd say don't spend a lot of time on them, repetition is more important!

4) I've also picked up on useful anatomy tidbits from artists online! Looking at how practiced/ professional artists stylize a body helps me focus on what the essential details are to convey a particular form (looking up "human muscles" and being hit with anatomy diagrams full of all the smallest details can be overwhelming! what do you even focus on?! so these educated simplifications really help me) Like Emilio Dekure's work! Look how simplified these figures are, and yet contain all the essential information to convey the sense of accurate form (even though it's highly exaggerated!)

(shamefully admits I've never studied from actual anatomy books so I can't recommend anything in that sense TTOTT)

For general improvement:

1) I highly recommend Sinix's Design Theory playlist and Paintover Pals! (+ his channel in general) You don't have to put them immediately into practice, but I think these are good fundamental lessons to just listen to and have them in the back of your mind to revisit another day. Plus these videos are just fun and very approachable! Design theory fundamentals are essential to creating appeal and directing a viewer's attention, and critiquing others' work/ seeing his suggestions are a good way to practice noticing areas of improvement+ solutions yourself!

2) If you prefer a more formal teaching resource, the Drawabox YouTube course covers all the basic fundamentals of drawing in short lessons. But honestly if I were starting out, this would be a little intimidating for me (and even now it still is! I haven't done all of them) But even if you don't watch them, the titles should give you an idea of the basic concepts that are valuable to pick up. I think it would be nice to keep in mind and revisit once in a while as you learn!

(One lesson I do encourage you to watch is the line control one! A confident continuous line conveys motion and flow much better compared to discontinuous frayed lines which I think is good to practice early by drawing from the wrist and shoulder)

3) As a universal piece of advice: Please please please use references! Use a reference for literally everything, observing is how we learn! You'll find that a lot of things you thought you knew what they looked like are inaccurate by memory alone. Also, trace! This is solely for your practice, tracing then freehanding has helped me grasp proportions when I was struggling! (of course don't post these online if you traced from art)

I've found that being able to compile references into easy to access boards has been very helpful in encouraging me to use references more. For PC, I think they use PureRef (free/pay what you want), and for iPad I use VizRef. VizRef is a one time purchase (which was definitely worth the $3.99 USD price imo)

4) On that note, try building up the habit to observe from media + real life and make purposeful comments about what you see! Like hey, when I bend my knee, the muscles/fat in my thighs and calves bulge outwards, I should draw that next time. Purposeful observation carries over to your overall visual library, and it's a little thing that adds up over time

5) For motivation, get into media you really enjoy, or make your own characters! The way I started art more seriously was by drawing fanart + OCs from anime that I liked ^^ For OCs it really encourages you to draw more because you're the primary creator of their art! Also you gotta see a lot of good art to make good art! Watching visually appealing media (like animation with appealing stylization/simplification) can passively help you learn just by observation.

ok wow I could go on but this is already a lot of information TTOTT my main aim for this reply is basically: don't let anything discourage you from learning to draw!! drawing is so fun and brings me a lot of joy ^^ practicing often will of course help you improve, and the way to incentivize that is by having fun with it! i hope this could help!💞

#my asks #art resources #trying to be concise n failing #i'm mainly worried that like. my art tips make me sound more skilled than my art actually is

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c-kiddo · 13 days

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hi hi your drawings are amazing and i love each and every one of them, and i love dfy as well. it's comforting but like a nostalgic memory of a cold autumn morning when i Had to go to school but really didn't want to. i was curious, do you ever imagine your characters or your favourite characters (like cad) listening to the same music as you do? like him listening to the microphones or una and ava listening to mount eerie? what would any of them think abt it?

thank u ! glad u like things i make :- )

ava and ùna yes, for sure . tho idk how canon it is to the world because i find it tricky to set it in a specific time or place. but in spirit yes, ùna is a big Microphones fan especially. ava likes the weird quiet soft Mount Eerie things and loves his voice . i've drawn them singing his music too. ùna is v much into music as a thing, like listens to everything and has opinions abt it (fave is like crunchy loud lofi stuff, like the microphones) but she also likes tracy chapman, big thief/adrianne lenker. she likes this song:

youtube

and this is an ùna ava song in general to mee . so them

youtube

as for characters that aren't mine, idk i dont think abt it that much but especially if they're not set in this world . it feels incorrect to me. for cad i cant imagine him super listening to a lot of recorded music tbh , mmore like what his family or him are playing, or the radio or just the sounds outside. in dfy i think he just kind of hangs around and doesnt realise he could listen to music (autism coded). maybe he likes something repetitive like the shipping forecast.

ok maybe actually i do have other thoughts but its not like music i like i just think its funny to say characters have music taste thats a bit shit (in ->my<- opinion). like i bet fjord listens to imagine dragons while working out and is like wow this is so motivational . and im sorry for saying this but i just know jester would be a swiftie .

#asks #she'd be so into it i can feel it

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cool-person-yey · 4 months

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TMAGP NOTES PART 2 : THE HORRORS ARE AT IT AGAIN

tmagp show notes for episode 2!

again, this will contain spoilers for tmagp episode two and it is tagged with " tmagp spoilers"

if there are any confusing misspellings please tell me so I can fix them

anyways, here it is yall

• I've said this before and I'll say it again OMINOUS MUSIC

• making adjustments huh

• * more office noises*

• will this be an actual office drama

• more of the... interesting filing system I suppose

• Blasphemy? maybe ?

• "we aren't here to decide the system" oh cmon!!! let the guy try

• "unpack that ominous silence later" Alice I'd die for you

• "time isn't real "fuck yes. preach

• ohhh already at a doctor's office?

• court ordered ? ohhhh

• still on the body dismorphya theme suppose ?

• fuck instagram

• oohhh

• I don't understand anything about tattoos so idk really

• not the dugstep

• influencer-"style" stuff just sets me off for some reason idk.

• if a stranger asks me about my personal life you can bet I'm runnin outta here

• " The artist becomes the canvas"

• STARTED A LIVESTREAM????WTF

• WHAT

• WHAT???

• THAT SEEMS SO PAINFUL

• BLOODY LIKE. ACTUALLY BLOODY OR JUST

• what

• wait what

• I mean?? at least you didn't have to pay I suppose???

• damn instant tattoo

• the random motivation at late nights and the mess that ir creates is a mood

• falling asleep while drawing too lmao

• don't stare at it too much. do not. you will starting seeing Things That You Did Not See Before and you will cry

• yes. ignore al the pain and fatigue to continue your work. that's extremely healthy

•"just a small tweak" yeah right

• WAIT WHAT??? THE KNIFE SCRAPED BONE ? WDYM???

• YES YOU SHOULD'VE. GO OUTSIDE STARE AT A TREE WATHEVER DONT DO WHAT YOURE DOING PLEASE

• OH MY GOD

• "nothing much" yea right

• the tatto is leaking??? oh no

• that's an artist's life. you think you finished up a piece and guess what? another 35 details it would be cool to add and another 157 mistakes you need to fix

• eventually you just gotta say " fuck it" and leave it be

• she has a roommate??? oh my god is she not recognizing the other?

• " perfect" but not usable or healthy if I understood it correctly(???)

• acid? oh boy

• Alice being dramatic again love her <3

• * more little noises *

• honestly the Gwen-Alice friendship ( or frienemiship???) is just gold

•"expanding external operations" huh

• wait who you're talking to Alice

• OHHH SISTER???

• play an instrument? we got a musician over here

• yeah Alice does give big older sister vibes

• so Alice's sibling is an aspiring rockstar huh

• ok so his name is Luke

• last time someone had a brother in a Rusty quill podcast it didn't end very well for them

• the band names .just. the the band names.

• I will actually use The Box In The Incinerator Method from now on

• Alice being serious oh dang

• * more ominous music*

#tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol

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howlonomy · 2 months

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Two things:

One: Thank you so much for being very enthusiastic about my work! I always see a few things that seem "off" to me, or that I think look "bad". But every time you always respond with either "Oh it looks great!" or "Yeah, it is pretty hard" and it always makes me feel much more confident in myself and motivates me to draw even more!

Two: Here's the next two drawings from my set of seven

Y'know, funny how I talked about the first point becaaaaaause yeah. This time it's the eyes for both, and also the little feather fluff around her neck. BUT I'm choosing to say that my inability to draw the same thing twice perfectly, thus making the fluff in the Geno fight much sharper, is ACTUALLY an artistic choice since at that point I had damaged her a lot, so I... ruffled a few feathers. Also I don't know if it's obvious, but I did kinda trace over the actual battle sprite for the head because I don't think I can do perspective quite that good yet (I also did that for the hair right on top of Ceroba's head, I've been sort of blending your design and the actual fight design together in these so far, it is very likely to happen again)

...I just realized I forgot about her eyebrows in the Pacifist fight... You know what? I'm claiming that to ALSO be an artistic choice since she isn't pissed off at Clover in that one.

Anyways enjoy! The next two should be interesting (another pair)

DAMMIT I FORGOT HER TAIL IN PACIFIST! AND THIS TIME I DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE I CAN MAKE! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I ALSO REALIZED I FORGOT IT WHEN I FIRST DREW HER WITH CHUJIN!

I will be mulling over this for quite some time

WAHOO YIPPE!!!!! MY GIRLRLLL MARTLET <333

AND ITS OK i think tracing is a good artistic tool!! and dont worry i am Contantly forgetting aspects of my own design when i draw them ABDJSK its bound to happen all the time!! and perspective (especially with the big ass beak i gave martlet) is so. hard. i dont even know how to draw it most of the time GDJCND i tend to avoid 3/4/front facing martlet as much as i can LMAO

BUT THESE LOOK SO GOOD IM SO HAPPY U DREW BOTH FIGHTS AAWUUGH MARTLET!!!!…!!!

#asked and answered #art for me #undertale yellow #TEEHEES MARTLETT I LOVE THESE!!!!!!#and i always want to uplift other artists!!! my goal as an artist should be to inspire and uplift newer artists and ofc im always happy-#with art i get. u could not pay me to be disappointed #and all of your art for me has been a genuine delight to see!! i love them all so much!!!!!#they go straight to my art for me folder on my phone :]

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dhmis-autism · 9 months

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Hii ok so I know this may sound suspicious but it’s grrgrrgrr, I wanted to apologize for suddenly disappearing like that,,,

My imposter syndrome was getting to me and I began losing motivation to draw much of anything. Then school started taking up more of my time and out of impulse I just threw everything away. Every now and then I’ve been looking back and somewhat grieving over all that I’ve lost because of my stupid little brain. I deleted all of my art from my gallery, and I lost interest in both of the things that had brought me so much joy. As season two of good omens came out, I found myself hooked again, I missed creating stuff for that show, I missed interacting with you guys :(

I’ve almost completely forgotten how to draw the good omen boys and the stoplight trio, and I’m a bit scared to try again. I’m not sure if I’ll ever start posting again, but if I do I hope I’ll still have that charm that I did all those months ago.

I think one of the main reasons that I boiled over like that was because of my inconsistent art style, I hated it. I hated not being able to ever be satisfied with my own work, always wanting to change it every post. I don’t think I’ll ever have a consistent artstyle, but I’d like to think that I’ve at least improved

I enjoyed our chat on discord, even if it was short, you were always a mutual that made me feel good abt my art, thank you :]

but anyway, I wanna apologize again!!! I’m sorry for leaving without a proper explanation,,

(You do not have to answer this, I just wanted you to at least know why I left)

BRO..................

I MISSED YOU SO MUUUUUUCHHHH

DONT LOOK AT THE POSTS I MADE ABOUT YOU THEYRE EMEBARRASSINGNG

#YOU KNOW THIS BC WE TALKED BUT WHATEVER IM JUST REAL HAPPY UR OKAAAAAAY #IM JUST REAL HAPPY THAT YOURE HAPPYYYYY #IM JUST REAL HAPPY THAT UR HEREEEE #AND YOUR BDAY HASNT PASSED SO I CAN DRAW YOU GOMENS BOYS FOR YOOOOOUU #my postings

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appatary8523 · 2 months

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Dumb probably negative no context rambles under the cut

Last chance, don't ruin your mood and go back

OK you wanted it this way

1.- I like STW but I usually have to get up to do things while playing (yea sometimes in FN:BR I hide in bushes to go and do some other stuff. I've barely made any progress, the game is quite complicated to me because I don't play it often and I forget what was going on? And I don't know how to use most of the mechanics of the game(? Still, the humor is funny, the gameplay might feel repetitive from time to time but I like it, I really really like it.

I also would like to have more IRL friends who play STW (or FN in general), I bet that game mode is way funnier and rewarding in squad. But nobody plays it, and I think I have no friends who play FN? Just my older brother and he has his own duo so I'm not getting in between them (?) (and he doesn't like STW so he doesn't even have access to it). There's a dude at my workplace who plays FN but no thanks, I don't like him, he's stupid (he's the it guy who can't fix a damn thing. I hate that guy he's so stupid)

As always, I'm playing solo in this squad mode game called life (?

2.- I know I often say I'm doing it for me but, damn, I wish someone could like it the way I like it too. I'll see if it's worth the effort or if I should just finish the damn thing and save if for myself. I'm not hurt or anything alike, I was 1000% aware this was going to happen, and it's helping me improve. I think I just don't want to deal with that anymore. Sorry, I lose motivation quite often and easily

3.- I try to keep everything happy and positive in my FN blog but... I don't really like Hope. I mean she's cool and all that but I just don't like her e-girl thing going on. The only thing I like about her is the cat on her banner icon whatever the name of that thing is. Neither sunsp0t, actually y don't like a lot of things but I'll just save my awful FN opinions. I should've saved my headcanons too

4.- Surprise surprise (actually is no surprise) I'm losing followers. And I get it, I get you guys, I used to post funny things, funny drawings (or drawings in general) but now I just complain about everything. Sorry, I'm not in a good mood anymore.

I don't think people should keep following/stay suscribed to a channel, account, blog thing they dont like no more. I've seen artists (on Twitter of course) complaining about how people should not follow an account for X specific thing but I don't think that's how things work. Just like the things you like change, the things other like change too. They should NOT feel forced to like the things you like and see the things you want to share. But I guess you have to grow up to realize that. I personally don't feel offended when people stop following me, right now I'm offering nothing but negative text post, and that's OK. Curate the things you consume, make it a more pleasant experience, don't feel forced to follow someone you no longer like.

I personally follow people for a specific thing, and sometimes, like everyone, they change the things they make, but if I like their stuff I usually stick around because it's interesting! I just stop following if they change for worse (the same way I changed for worse). Still, not everyone thinks the same way I do.

5.- I still thinking I should just make another sideblog to dump all this dumb kind of posts but honestly I don't want to deal with it. Making an FN exclusive sideblog was already way too much, but I didn't want to mix all in here

6.- I guess that's what you get for interacting with people half your age.

7.- Shouldn't have joined, should've stayed away

8.- I wish we could talk, someday. I'd like to know you better. I know I don't exist for you but you mean so much for me (yea now I understand my taste for one-sided fictional relationships lol). I know, im stupid, I'm delusional, I'm, as always, daydreaming about things that will never ever happen and I will never have. I can't understand love, I can't wrap my head around the idea of being romantically involved with someone but that's OK, that kind of things are not meant for me

9.- I wish I could control whatevers going on in my mind. I wish it could slow the pace of my thoughts, I need some rest from the world but most important, I need a break from myself but I guess there's nothing I can do about it

10.- Also, Beatles song

11.- I fell asleep after posting this and I OBVIOUSLY had to edit it to add this because i DREAMED someone gave me some support words and it felt so nice and comforting jdjsjs I'm alone

12.- Morningssey song. Yes I like him too so sue me (?

#Mental diarrhea #And probably morning mental dump (?#I've been awake for several hours now and I'm doing nothing

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ryuzakjis · 10 months

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glamrock bonnie theory!

ok hey fnaf fans! my brains been brewing with a theory about exactly what happened to glamrock bonnie for a while so i wanna share what ive come up with !!

now i know theres a lot of people under the opinion that monty had decommissioned bonnie a short time before the events of security breach, but in my opinion most of the evidence people had pointing towards monty being the perpetrator has been rendered prettyyy baseless after the release of ruin.

so now im beginning to point fingers elsewhere.

specifically, fazbear himself.

OK but just hear me out because i know what ur all thinking !!! but a close relationship has been established between bonnie and freddy in both the base game AND in the ruin dlc !!!!!! how could he possibly become suspect to these claims !! and to THAT i say... Motive.

now by no means am i implying that there was malice behind my theory of events, i know freddy and bonnie were obviously extremely close before his decommissioning (gay robots hehe..) but id like to draw attention to how much emphasis was placed on bonnie and freddy throughout the game! i have a feeling that this was intentional.

one thing that caught my attention in particular was the fact that there are now confirmed to be 2 glamrock freddys.

at first glance, a second freddy seems to make sense considering that in the majority of the base game endings, freddy ditches the plex alongside gregory. of course they would need to use a second freddy after all that happened in security breach! but even so, this is easily disproven by the fact that all of the animatronics remain in the state gregory left them in, implying that fazbears immediately went out of business after the events of the game.

this implies that there must be another reason for the existence of 2 freddys.. now i KNOW this still seems a little skeptical considering that prototypes arent often used in the final product, but at the same time it does seem like the prototype freddy had been used as the main attraction before, a clue towards this being the gift in his stomach hatch. and anyways, would fazbear entertainment really spend all that cash on a whole other model after creating a functional prototype..?

but regardless of whether or not u think that theres another reason behind the existence of 2 freddys, there was clearly some emphasis on fazbear - like the graffiti along the vents, the intentional prototype print on the bottom of his paw, the focus drawn to him and bonnies relationship.. this along with monty's origin story, which seems to subtly shun freddy throughout, gives me the feeling that there must be more to it than what we initially assumed.

now to shift our focus to the possible motives of bonnies decommissioning.. what if he had been the first target of glitchtraps virus? this would make more sense now that glitchtrap is basically confirmed to have been the mimic all along because of COURSE the mimic would have a rabbit bias if its basing its behaviour off of afton!! and now that bonnies body has been found in bonnie bowl, monty being the aggressor seems to be off the table. sure his aggressive nature initially would place him under suspicion, but this flaw isnt any different to chicas food cravings and roxys perfectionism, i dont think his temperament is anything more than just another flaw displayed to show off the ai's sentience. under this premise, i have a slight suspicion that monty was simply used as a sort of red herring to cover up the truth of what happened.

so what actually happened?

what if while spending time with bonnie in the bowling alley one day, freddy was suddenly presented with the impossible task of facing off against the first victim of the virus. while attempting to fight off the unknown virus, maybe bonnie had begged freddy to put a stop to it for his own sake in order to save his best friend from destruction during the small moments of clarity he experienced while fighting for his own autonomy. the amount of damage on bonnie suggests a struggle, so maybe freddy was forced to obey bonnies request when he realised it was too late for him, grabbing a bowling ball and following through as a very last resort. perhaps this is why a second freddy had to be built, what if the aftermath of losing his best friend by his own hands, as well as the damage he wouldve sustained in the struggle, rendered freddy beyond repair.

BUT of course this is just speculation based off of the hints given to us, so if anyone has any criticism feel free to share! and even if this ends up being disproven, its at least an angsty headcanon i quite enjoy..

#fnaf #fnaf security breach #five nights at freddy's #glamrock freddy #montgomery gator #glamrock bonnie #five nights at freddy's security breach #security breach ruin #ruin dlc #fnaf ruin #fnaf sb ruin #fnaf theory #fnaf sb

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crowkip · 11 months

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hi there!! i came across your art recently and love how you simplify forms for your style!! Do you have any tips on what you did to learn art and develop your current style? Did you take figure drawing lessons or just hyperfixate on an anime?? Any materials/exercises that were particularly helpful for learning how to draw humans? Thanks for your time!

thank u so much!!! i do have some handy info but im gonna put it under the cut so it doesnt clog up ppl's feeds bc it's gonna get a little long, hope this helps out!! ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)

ok so!! my top tip is to try out some life drawing classes! you'll often be expected to capture a full body gesture in 5-15 minutes which really helps you learn break the body down into its simplest forms since you wont have time to work on all the details. i only ever did a few sessions since they were part of a design course i was taking but even that alone definitely helped me streamline my process when it comes to planning out poses and making sure things arent looking too stiff

as for developing a style i honestly dont have a super clear answer bc i still find that i feel like my art is vERY very inconsistent, but even with that being said i do still have a few things that've helped personally!! easiest place to start is finding the tools you enjoy working with, for me i have a handful of brushes in csp that i tend to default to which helps form a little bit of consistency across my drawings (ofc dont be scared to branch out!! it's just handy to know what brushes work best for you). the other thing that's influenced my style is reading lots of comics and spending a lot of time looking at other artists' sketches, if you see a specific feature you like in their work try giving it a go yourself!! i remember noticing the contrast of soft and hard shadows in old oil paintings a few years ago n thinking 'ooh ive gotta try that' and ive been using it on my own art ever since. in the end your own style is greatly just a reflection of little things you've loved seeing in other peoples art and once you combine all those you end up with smth uniquely yours which i just think is awesome tbh

and as for shows n stuff that got me drawing, i dont have the coolest answer but as a kid i got super into drawing my friends as my little pony characters lmao i would spend every minute between classes drawing these stupid little rainbow horses and it actually really got me into picking out colour palettes and helped me build up that muscle memory which was what led into me drawing things that were a little more challenging. even if whatever motivates you to draw is considered kind childish or 'cringy' or whatever, dont stop drawing what you enjoy!! i wouldnt be drawing now without the years of pony doodles on homework as a kid and im glad i embraced it. i hope this can be helpful to you, so sorry for the long read but thanks for getting through it all!! good luck as dont be scared to dm me if you ever have any questions, i'll always do my best to help out :D

#omg this got so long but i did my best to keep it concise #rlly great question!!#ask crow

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1tsjusty0u · 2 months

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actually you know what. ganondorf. what can you tell me about him

hehwhwhahahahahahahhhhahahahahahhahHAHAHAHAAHAHQHAHAHAHAHAHA YESS…. YESS!!!!!

ok so. the thing is for the mmain fic? i dont know how he will. fit in. like i have timeloop related ideas which i. need to do eventually. but generally speaking i dont know how to give him a good ending or even how he’ll effect the plot. but also i dont want to ignore him because he is very vital to the plot. honestly i might do a flowey for this in that he interacts sparsely, more to the end of the game. thanks toby fox

BUT ANYWAYS to me ganon really isnt. a twist per say? like with link im making his death be different and the reader is going to have to find out what happened (or immediately Know based on the tags and such and instead of finding out their horror??? only grows i hope because they basically have to watch a guy who they know something bad will happen to. like siffrin in stars and time when you’ve played sasasa). but for ganon his deal is basically almost canon except im highlighting how fucked up it is i guess. we already know hes under the castle, but the devs never expand his motives. so im trying to do that

so. spoilers?? i guess??? also its pure stream of consciousness be warned

ok so firstly totks whole Pre Hyrule thing doesnt exist here. im not doing that. the zonai are non-gods who literally just sailed into the country and happen to know magic. they also dont make the same type of ruins associated with the zonai in totk. their ruins match up much more with the ruins in faron and the animal-esque designs. also theyre extremely vague and none of them become the king. i can draw you some zonais if youd like but the whole zonai thing in totk makes zero sense especially with botw and theres actual contradictory information in this essay i w

because of this rauru and sonia Might exist, but they will be Extremely Different. im not making rauru a zonai if he does exist too, though mineru still might be one just. heavily redesigned. so theres no power struggle to lead to ganondorfs imprisonment- something else is the cause of that.

as to what? i have no idea yet </3. itd probably be similar to the exile of the shekiah when the helped with the calamity, ganon being seen as a threat and something to be exterminated. ganon may not have helped or interacted with the monarchy, but it didnt change what the king and queen viewed of him. though i dont think any prior games or legends “influenced” this- as in they didnt follow any prophecy or something, but they basically ingrained the roles of the past into being completely static if that makes sense. zelda is always the pretty princess with wisdom and powers of the goddess (and hylian), link is always the hero always with the master sword and courage (also always hylian), and ganon? always the oppressor. always the king of evil, king of the gerudo. always a threat. in the same ways these roles hurt zelda and link pre cal, these roles ESPECIALLY hurt ganon, just this time more directly. its almost like how certain laws target marginalized groups and by proxy accidentally hurt literally everyone else. but he was just a “threat to hylia” in some way or form, either due to something or just by existing. or both. but an incident probably lead to his imprisonment. all things considered i should. really work on this..? though thats complicated because if the shekiah just noticed the pattern of the calamity then people would have to deal with two separate events rather than just one, which could work but the “inciting incident” of the 10000 year calamity being beaten is almost null and passed on to another. at that point i might as well do what ive seen other fanfics do before totk came out and wrote about the zonai- grouping them together in the same time period and make the sealing of ganon himself as the person the 10000 year sealing of the calamity. however that wouldnt make sense with the tapestry…unless the tapestry isnt accurate to what happened which Is possible but still why go through all the effort to lie about becoming his calamity form? showing him as not human would fit with how they view him but still they couldve made him look like a monster- like a lynel or his pig forms, not a boar like cloud. so. i almost want to ignore his backstory entirely and only focus on him being well. trapped. i just dont know if this is the right move to make, as much as being trapped under the castle Is a backstory its not really a fleshed out one or one that shows his past connections or who he was as a person. though that does kind of fit with what he is now. uhm so yeah i have no idea im sorry

but to his. not-really-a-backstory backstory. like in totk, hes under the castle. everybody has forgotten this, the rulers being warned about.. Something under the castle, and to not speak of it like zelda says in the intro to totk. theres a locked gate, maybe with some stolen shekiah tech (used by the king/someone when the shekiah were exiled and hunted, getting scrap parts before they were buried) to secure it. or maybe they just like about it being protected by the goddess so no one can open it and because its such an easy lie to check everybody believes it. though i genuinely think its locked extremely well, either with past magic, the triforce when a past zelda or queen had it and sealing ganon was sealing the gate as well, sheikah tech, or something else. i say that because at some point youd think the yiga would literally just walk in if it was a lie. the shekiah tech is a bit dicey because the yiga probably know way more about it than the shekiah (except for purah and robbie), however. i was going to argue they might not actually know that much about the tech which while it would depend on yiga to yiga i feel on some level they could absolutely break into it. (i used to think it was a parallel to botws general amnesia, forgetting their goal of originally helping hyrule, but after reading gboh the possibility of them changing it over time actively is probably a lot better, especially with it adding agency and also them being Rightfully Angry at the monarchy and eliminating those who stand as its biggest supporters? or pawns. and rereading the wiki page for them i cant remember how i thought they “forgot” their goal. ok sorry!! honestly i like to think some sheikah and yiga before being truly separate still made tech in secret, either to prevent something in the future or to help themselves (the sheikah being ok in the rain because of the tech in their outfits.) kind of like a third group that eventually faded out due to amnesia or became a yiga and Remembered. ok anyways) but yeah. on one hand Itd Fit and be such a slap in the face to the sheikah in general, but also the yiga should and probably would know how to break it down. that is if they even know the door exists, and the only reason they dont break into it is because they dont know It Exists because it wasnt built by them and ganon isnt able to communicate with them, or at least communicate with them well. in that scenario they could and Would be able to break down those protections which would actually make sense.

ALRIGHT. under the castle isnt the same as totks under the castle, and while it might…??? be the same one in the Trailer, that would require the zonai which, while they have their own mysterious plotline here (they magiced so hard they ended up in the sky), and theyre absolutely Important, i dont know how important they were in ganons sealing specifically. i like the zonai having some secret involvement of it and i also like having more zonai ruins, but i dont think the royal family would tolerate them At All because theyd also be a threat like the sheikah. they built literal labyrinths and actually know about the triforce more explicitly (the sheikah also seem to, or the ancient sheikah). them casting themselves off into the sky makes sense because who else could do that, But Yeah. theyd have their own documented versions of what they did, and i like to think they were fairly involved in hyrule as a whole. anyways sorry i just need to come up with how he was sealed and how it makes sense. god i used to have hopes and dreams about totk. we couldve gotten a new major god. and yet,

OK ONTO THE ACTUAL. PERSON IN THIS. GANON IM SO SORRY. yeah lets just say hes only Mildly Pissed about being under the castle for 10000 years (<- any words i could use now can not describe the sheer anger and hatred he has. like. its like genuinely wanting to kill someone if that makes sense. besides that being half the literal case, its . ok so you know how in totk the hands let out a shrill scream when they spot you, rushing over to kill you and choke you without thinking? its like that. wanting to make others feel the pain he felt for years and years, with an added touch of genuine hate and wanting to Hurt Someone or see them get hurt). hes being forgotten by everyone- his people the hylians, the shekiah, either people who he used to love or people who actively helped and encouraged his imprisonment, it doesnt matter when they all forget and dont even seem to care. its like he never mattered in the first place, what happened to him just something inconsequential and might as well not exist at all. He might as well not exist at all. but hes awake, rotting and tearing apart down at the bottom of that chamber always awake and always there. he cant move on yet, he needs to get out he needs to get out he has to get out

so!! his main focus is escape!! anyone who dies either had to or isnt something he thinks about. something something a means to an end, if people die so be it. plus if hes going down hea bringing hyrule with him, clawing onto it. he isnt mindless, guardians trying to ravish important locations like the temple of time and the akkala citadel, tactical locations. the malice is more of a by product of the original 100 year calamity, but it serves to help ganon keep and Eye out haha but also block and cover things. i like to think theres malice in guardians and thats why the master sword reacts to them. anyways, in botw he has a butterfly esque cacoon, and a spider like body made of sheikah tech. he was probably building a New Body as his means of escaping. why he made it like that? no idea. he definitely wouldnt live a quiet life once he was out and i think its an accidental by product of wanting to kill people/punish them in a sense. maybe he was going to have two bodies, like mettaton EX where the box body would be in this sense ganondorfs “normal” form where his spider form would be his Kill form.

if he wanted to be king of hyrule, this would probably be why. i dont really think he would, but if he did he’d do it both to punish those who wronged him while making sure what happened to him wont happen again, making sure the hylian royal family is never in a seat of power again. but right now he wants people to pay.

this also ties into him being “a calamity”; as hes trapped under the earth, i think he’d have an effect over it as well. trying to claw his way out from under the earth, parting the dirt in which it looks as if its breathing, sand piling over making sounds described as screams (though in real life its described as singing). in a way hes a part of it, but not by choice. hes the very thing you stand on and yet hes dismissed.

but anyways. hes very mad. link would describe him as “actively wanting me dead” in the timeloop au. his blights are described as screaming in the fic and i like to think thats ganon screaming in rage, pain or both. hes also not green here i should mention that. his form down in the dungeon i like to think has ghouls protruding from it like theyre melting into one and other and are reaching out with their hands, grabbing at whatever they can. hes pretty chill but smug post imprisonment, mostly a quiet cocky. less one for dramatics and rather plays it straight. likes pink and also is a fan of the desert right under spectacle rock. in the timeloop au hes also in the timeloop with link which causes problems. speaking of theyre pretty alike, and wreath would be like him in the timeloop au if he didnt already exist like percy jackson and luke. they could be friends in theory, but their circumstances drove them apart (hey like the wind waker post). hes a big fan of water buffalos, bulls, goats, cats and dogs, and sand sparrows. sand sparrows are his favorite animal in general and almost made it a symbol of the gerudo. id like to associate him with moths thanks to queen gibdo (shes not in this au she doesnt exist here). might actually like spiders as well as other insects. kotake and koume exist here :] . i think some of the gerudo havent forgotten, and thats why the hylia statue is way less in use, though it still being there is an act from the gerudo from the present ish. he likes soft and airy clothes. a lot more regal in the presence of leaders of their respective races- like the king or queen of the zora, the king and queen of the hylians, etc. likes hearty soup but also straight voltfruit juice. doesnt like hydromelons. he and zelda would hate each other, zelda Especially and their anger at each other almost cancels each other out. zelda is Very mad at him. chronic pajama wearer, gets a gerudo clothes person to make regal clothes with the same fabric from pajama clothes. sometimes he sleeps in them but other times he doesnt. big fan of the concept of magic, and likes chuchu jelly a lot. hes more prominent in the timeloop au honestly and im sorry for that. id like to give him an actual arc but well. i dont know how i would do that…….. also i want him to have a happy ending for once but i dont know if thatd work with this story. especially because of him killing the champions. him being an omen would be fitting, but still. him being punished narratively for no reason is stupid if that makes sense. his reason for doing what he did wasnt bad, but what he did by proxy was. i dunno death doesnt feel right for him, at least yet. he was happy though, once

ok sorry if this trailed off its. 5:40 am . i need to eat and sleep

#wreath of the bild #hello #i would stay up. however i am a mere mortal #goodbye for 6ish hours. i . will probably answer things in a more healthy manner next time snorts

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neopuppy · 10 months

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Wait what? I don’t understand, why would you stop writing for nct :( ??

I have had a lot of unpleasant experiences on here ever since I started sharing my fics with the world wide web and while I understand putting anything out there for the masses to possibly find and critique I do not appreciate the extra unrelated unnecessary drama that has come with that too

from the start I have been harassed and attacked for writing a/b/o, hybrid, and other taboo-‘ish’ genres(stepcest etc), a lot of people just dont know how to SCROLL apparently and are extremely self-centered and think their opinion is the only opinion. the love has always outweighed the negativity and thats why I kept writing for nct BUT once my privacy starts to be invaded(and this has happened multiple times) I draw the line and really have to ask myself why am I even writing for this horrible fandom that has been so fucking mean to me- OVER FANFIC.

nct is really my ult group, I love them so damn much and I am really about curating my fandom experience. its been really fun this last year being able to see them again and meet up with my friends and live in reality where people can’t hide behind a keyboard with their lame attempts of doxxing and bullying lmao. on one hand I have great wips and ideas I’d like to continue writing for nct but on the other hand I will always choose to protect my peace and I love nct too much to ever sacrifice that for the sake of writing fanfic for people who 80% of the time don’t even engage with the work and demand more.

there are a lot of reasons I have gone back and forth contemplating for over a year now. nctblr has really just left a nasty taste that I know a lot A LOT of good writers have agreed upon and shared their thoughts with me/ultimately end up moving to other fandoms to write for(and once I started to I really understood that the way nctzens act is actually not normal…and only solidifies my feelings abt this side of tumblr).

its hard because with popularity comes bitter spiteful people, which I’ll never understand but as someone who writes only to write and not gain some personal validation or any type of connection to ME outside of this blog, I find it mad disrespectful that people go out of their way to find me on other socials and bring that here. this is a blog for fanfic with no identity outside of: I write, you read, we love nct. keep it that way, and have the decency to not invade peoples privacy for no reason other than your own weird ass mentality that has excused to you that thats ok or normal.

ANYWAY, this isn’t to say I’m not writing for nct, but it’s definitely a struggle I’m having as I lose motivation to write in general.

#asks

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narutoenjoyer5000 · 1 year

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obito :)

favorite thing abt them:

hmm i think my favorite thing abt obito is that like. there is genuine compassion behind what he does. like as mean and abrasive as he presents himself, there is suffering behind it and there's compassion behind it and he genuinely wants to build a better world. like that scene during the war arc when the godtree is abt to bloom and he addresses the ppl on the field and he's like "be still .. you've endured enough. its gonna be over soon." i remember being quite moved when i got to this scene for the first time. i just always like this mixture of violence but also desperation and suffering that kishimoto puts into his villains lol. and i think obito embodies that the most

least favorite thing abt them:

i think my least favorite thing abt obito is the hokage thing w naruto and kakashi at the end after his redemption. like we get it, youre one of the good guys now but u dont have to suddenly full-on support the shinobi system that u before this point spent 15 years condemning and hating lol. i mean its probably more kishimoto's fault for always dividing his characters into bad guy villains and bootlickers only but if we go down that route, no character is to blame for anything they said. so yeah. couldve just shut it instead obito.

favorite line:

this one! its more of a monologue than just one line but i like this a lot:

brOTP:

ok so this might read a bit like a diss on him lmfao sry obito but i think him and rin are great as friends. i dont get the feeling that she reciprocated his romantic feelings. but she cherishes him and loves him as a friend and i think the two of them were so harmonious and sweet w each other as kids. so i choose them :)

OTP:

hmmm i dont rly have that many ideas abt obito in romantic relationships aside from rin tbh. altho i do think that him and kakashi are quite juicy together :) so i pick them sfshgesgds

nOTP:

obito x madara is a no for me. first of all bc madara's already deeply in love w someone else. but also there's just way too much control and psychological violence there from madara's side for that to be enjoyable for me. like the power dynamic between them is just too one-sided. also obito wants him dead in a ditch. and madara is literally around 80 years or so older than him lmao so that gives it kind of a weird vibe for me, too.

random headcanon:

obito is a coke fiend and the only reason why the akatsuki took so long to gain all their funds was that obito kept using up all their budget to get high. i KNOW this is true. cant keep up a madara-level god complex without medical support.

unpopular opinion:

so i havent rly seen that much obito meta recently (or any at all actually). so idk if this is still an unpopular opinion. but i think obito being convinced to change his path and join naruto against madara is quite sensical for him actually. obito is 1) more emotionally motivated and thus can also be influenced emotionally (unlike madara) and 2) much of his views kind of hinge on his ability to make others confirm them for him. as in breaking others down to the point of them adapting a similar worldview as him. obito did that with itachi by helping him w his genocide, he did it w nagato and the akatsuki as a whole but he couldnt do it w naruto. and thats why naruto could convince him to change his views.

song i associate with them:

i think the song i associate most w him is red light, green light by the kiffness. the song itself doesnt rly have anything to do w him lol but i listened to it a lot at the start of last year when i started getting into naruto again and was thinking abt him all the time. i also remember spending all afternoon drawing him some time while listening to the song .. so its forever kind of associated w him :')

favorite picture of them:

couldnt decide for just one, so i picked two. the first one cuz it kind of shows what i said above. he comes off pretty adversarial and bitter but u can see that there is also pain and hurt in his expression. the 2nd one just cuz i love the vibe :)

#sry for how long this became .. who tf's gonna read all that .... but thank u sm for asking him!#havent thought abt him this much for a while #so it was fun remembering all this :)#fragen #obito #naruto ask meme #character ask #also i just realized headcanons are supposed 2 be things u believe are canon without them being stated as such in the actual canon .. right #not just things u'd find funny? well. guess narutoverse has cocaine then #according to me 😌

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fbj723 · 9 months

Text

honestly been going back and forth w myself on a lot of things lately attaching a read more for the sake of ik i'll be rambling like theres no tmr

a part of me wants to drop pnc but i havent really gotten everyone i wanted yet + im broke so i need to build my stash up *looks at clotho and eos* oddly enough pnc has been a game ive been pretty happy on playing still hate how i missed a login day tho tbf ive rarely borderline never interacted w the fandom so me just being in the dark w what goes on there has kinda been a blessing and a curse in a sense that i can enjoy the game in peace but it feels like im alone doing so

pgr im really REALLY tempted on dropping my glb acc, once nocti comes around which will prob be around the end of the school yr for me thats where i'd be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ welp ig im done and drop that acc after playing around w nocti and whatev. tw im still not too sure abt?? prob when i get around to lvling up my main teams i can be like ok im done and drop that at any time since im just there to experience content ahead of time without being in cn directly

before dropping pgr entirely i do wanna complete a few stuff i had in mind tho

countdown for hyperreal which will prob happen bambi patch

still need to finish that nocti countdown for tw ive barely had any motivation completing that

nocti's bday countdown (similar to how lee's went)

glb nocti's countdown

draw every char up to latest one in cn

a few noctiskk comics thats been in the back of my head for MONTHS now

basically LOTS of countdowns and nocti stuff before i drop everything entirely

will i still draw pgr stuff after all that? mayyybeee???? itll moreso be towards kye's lore building rather than it being a standalone thing. i'll still collect merch and build up my shrines and make cosplay for chars but aside from that i'm pretty much gonna be moving on to other things

ive always had 50/50 feelings w being in the pgr fandom, tho being introduced to it on disc and then going to twt may have affected my views on this whole thing. esp when the side of the fandom i was first introduced to is like the lowest of the low, i dont want to go back to a place where a bunch of dudebro incels made fun of me for being afab and liking lee and me thinking that was a norm when it clearly isnt. its been 2 goddamn yrs and theyre still poking fun at that?? like my god grow up im so sick and tired of it.

if by a slim chance i still want to participate in being in the pgr fandom i'll just go back to lurking like ive always done in prev fandoms, if i really wanna be active in talking abt the game i'll talk abt it in servers or dms, but publicly i felt that i could never really comfortably talk abt how i feel abt it aside from here cause this site >>>>>> bc i felt like my opinions arent valid, tho that really applies to anything i do so 💀💀

pgr has been a really nice game for me to destress and detach myself from reality for a bit, tho now i wanna move on to other games and focus more on my ocs like i did back in the day. once i properly set up everyone's lore doc maybe in the future i'll make a game around them, nothing too big since i'll pretty much be making most of it, but i kinda wanna fulfill my childhood dream that was just recently unlocked

theres also that small part of me that wants to be known for my oc stuff rather than pgr stuff, but bc im not tagging w popular art tags im kinda just existing, and thats fine by me. hitting 500+ follows on twt was like peak realization of me going like "oh shit, 😨 maybe this big of a following aint for me" and it truly isnt lol

#fbj rambles

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totallynotaraccoonindiscuise · 21 days

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tw vent

my mom is the only person who can make literally everything about how hard it is for her and how her husband is evil.

my dad has this character he made up. shes like this steampunk fairy thing and ive wanted to draw her since i first heard about her.

today my dad was like "hey u should draw my character" so i thought it would be cool because i was bored and he described some more of her actual design to me and i drew it

i went to show my mom and she was just like "ok. cool." and i just broke the fuck down

when i was 6 fucking years old i started drawing things because she liked art and i wanted to impress her. she had a huge big loving warm reaction to it and i felt amazing. i started drawing all the time and she even put me in an art class. this was like one of my core moments that literally changed my entire me. ever since then i drew every day on any slip of paper i could get my little paws on.

at the start of covid everything was terrible. everything sucked and i started learning things about myself. depression, gender dysphoria, anxiety, full nine yards. i was stuck in my home with my family for months and i just wanted to interact with people. i was all of the depression. i couldn't get up in the morning, i couldn't sleep at night, i couldn't eat, i couldn't run around, everything sucked all the ass.

i lost motivation. all of it.

any motivation to wright or draw or do anything. i lost motivation to live. drawing was my escape mechanism. it made me feel like my mom cared. it made me feel good. and i just couldn't do it anymore. it hurt. it hurt so so much.

eventually i figured i was a lesbian and told my sister who told my dad and he reacted poorly and said i was to young to know. after that, everything went numb. i couldn't feel happy, or angry, or sad. i actually lost my ability to cry for a year. just all of the tears were gone after being a very emotional feeling kid.

i started public school after my mom finally decided i was worthy of not being homeschooled (the art class was my only interaction with other people). i met people i cared about. who cared about me even if i couldn't draw. i met people who were some of the worst people ever. i met people. it was amazing. i went to school every day and talked to people i liked and liked me even though i wasn't special or important.

i started getting motivated again. i started doodiling on any scrap of paper i could find. i started wanting to wright again. i started to get past the numbness. i did get passed the numbness. everything was better. i started finding a personality i liked instead of one just to make my parents happy.

my moms opinion has always mattered. it still does.

going back to what actually brought us to now.

after my mom disregarded my art that i wanted her opinion on i went to my room to go have a breakdown. i started crying and my dad came in and asked me what was wrong. i told him that i showed mom the art and she didn't even look at it. then mom came in and asked what was happening and dad told her. she said shit like

"i was busy."

"i like your art /lie"

"dont do art for other people without them paying you"

"dont get involved with your dads bullshit"

and i told her that this has nothing to do with that, and that i just wanted her to look at my art.

she said all the same shit again

she just would not admit that she fucked up

she kept passing it onto my dad

she kept making up excuses as to why she wasn't in the wrong

eventually dad stepped in and backed me up

and she just said all the same shit again

eventually i told her to fuck off and went to my bed, still crying rivers.

shes literally just in her room watching reruns of her childhood crush right now. like none of this matters to her. like she didn't just rip my heart out of my body, throw it to the ground, and step on it infront of me. like she didn't just fuck up the thing ive hidden in my entire life.

i dont think i can keep drawing

i dont think i can keep thinking about my characters i want to wright.

i dont think i can keep doing this.

fuck this shit man she always says shit about how i shouldnt let others dictate how i feel and not give me an environment i can develop like any sort of healthy relationship with anyone ever

im gonna go doomscroll mlm fanart till i feel better. if you read this, please help me.

#cw vent #tw vent #mention of homophobia #depression #cw depression #tw depression #mental health #i actually need help

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