Well, it was a pretty good cult, but hockey season's startin' an' all...
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A tale they said was TOO SHOCKING for the screen.
Ladies and gentlefolk, American International Pictures presents the CINEMATIC EVENT of 1961:
A SONG of ICE and FIRE!
A Roger Corman production. Music by Albert Glasser.
Starring... well, you'll see. (Will this be a "good" movie? Absolutely not. Will costumes and hairstyles be woefully anachronistic? For sure. Will many casting choices be questionable? Indeed. Will major plot points be changed to comply with the morality clauses of the Hayes Code? You betcha!)
Starring
RICHARD CARLSON as EDDARD STARK - an HONORABLE man caught in a WEB of political intrigue!
MARIE WINDSOR as CATELYN STARK - the mother who will do ANYTHING to protect her own!
COLEEN GRAY as CERSEI LANNISTER - the BEAUTIFUL QUEEN with a TERRIBLE SECRET!
JOHN AGAR as JAIME LANNISTER - the DASHING SWORDSMAN who SHOULDN'T be TRUSTED!
MICHAEL DUNN as TYRION LANNISTER - the HALF MAN with BIG APPETITES!
BASIL RATHBONE as Tywin Lannister - the STRATEGIST with a HEART of ICE!
RAYMOND BURR as ROBERT BARATHEON - the king who LOVED WINE - almost as much as he LOVED WOMEN!
JUNE KENNEY as DAENERYS TARGARYEN - the PRINCESS from an EXOTIC LAND!
ROBERT REED as RENLY BARATHEON - the HANDSOME KING all of Westeros WANTED!
GLENN LANGAN as STANNIS BARATHEON - the HEIR who WOULDN'T BACK DOWN!
ALLISON HAYES as MELISANDRE - the sultry RED WOMAN no king could deny!
With...
ANTHONY DEXTER as the SCHEMING Petyr Baelish!
LON CHANEY JR as the TERRIFYING Sandor Clegane!
and TOR JOHNSON as THE BROTHER who MADE him a MONSTER!
...And Introducing...
MICHAEL LANDON as JON SNOW - a TORTURED SOUL at the EDGE of the WORLD!
JOHN ASHLEY as ROBB STARK - the BOY KING marching to his DOOM!
DOLORES FAITH as SANSA STARK - the fair princess TRAPPED by a WICKED queen!
DAWN BENDER as ARYA STARK - a LITTLE GIRL with LOTS OF FIGHT!
and newcomer JACK NICHOLSON as THEON GREYJOY - the rogue who HIDES behind a SMILE!
THE INTRIGUE
THE SUSPENSE
The Song of Ice and Fire!
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I don't understand it, Frank. This movie should've broken their will. And yet, they thrive on it.
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Homestar Runner, Mystery Science Theater and Space Ghost Coast to Coast is superwholock for people who listen to They Might Be Giants
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"Mystery Science Kabuki" by Chet Phillips
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