#asoiaf crack
Text
#he’s the kind of kid that gets left at the orphanage while stuart little gets adopted#we’ve got rhaegar. ned. benjen. mormont. maester aemon. mance rayder. donal noye. stannis#my son’s abandonment issues are through the roof#i stole this from my own twitter account#jon snow#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#asoiaf crack
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
A tale they said was TOO SHOCKING for the screen.
Ladies and gentlefolk, American International Pictures presents the CINEMATIC EVENT of 1961:
A SONG of ICE and FIRE!
A Roger Corman production. Music by Albert Glasser.
Starring... well, you'll see. (Will this be a "good" movie? Absolutely not. Will costumes and hairstyles be woefully anachronistic? For sure. Will many casting choices be questionable? Indeed. Will major plot points be changed to comply with the morality clauses of the Hayes Code? You betcha!)
Starring
RICHARD CARLSON as EDDARD STARK - an HONORABLE man caught in a WEB of political intrigue!
MARIE WINDSOR as CATELYN STARK - the mother who will do ANYTHING to protect her own!
COLEEN GRAY as CERSEI LANNISTER - the BEAUTIFUL QUEEN with a TERRIBLE SECRET!
JOHN AGAR as JAIME LANNISTER - the DASHING SWORDSMAN who SHOULDN'T be TRUSTED!
MICHAEL DUNN as TYRION LANNISTER - the HALF MAN with BIG APPETITES!
BASIL RATHBONE as Tywin Lannister - the STRATEGIST with a HEART of ICE!
RAYMOND BURR as ROBERT BARATHEON - the king who LOVED WINE - almost as much as he LOVED WOMEN!
JUNE KENNEY as DAENERYS TARGARYEN - the PRINCESS from an EXOTIC LAND!
ROBERT REED as RENLY BARATHEON - the HANDSOME KING all of Westeros WANTED!
GLENN LANGAN as STANNIS BARATHEON - the HEIR who WOULDN'T BACK DOWN!
ALLISON HAYES as MELISANDRE - the sultry RED WOMAN no king could deny!
With...
ANTHONY DEXTER as the SCHEMING Petyr Baelish!
LON CHANEY JR as the TERRIFYING Sandor Clegane!
and TOR JOHNSON as THE BROTHER who MADE him a MONSTER!
...And Introducing...
MICHAEL LANDON as JON SNOW - a TORTURED SOUL at the EDGE of the WORLD!
JOHN ASHLEY as ROBB STARK - the BOY KING marching to his DOOM!
DOLORES FAITH as SANSA STARK - the fair princess TRAPPED by a WICKED queen!
DAWN BENDER as ARYA STARK - a LITTLE GIRL with LOTS OF FIGHT!
and newcomer JACK NICHOLSON as THEON GREYJOY - the rogue who HIDES behind a SMILE!
THE INTRIGUE
THE SUSPENSE
The Song of Ice and Fire!
#asoiaf#asoiaf shitpost#asoiaf crack#asoiaf fancast#game of thrones#eddard stark#catelyn stark#cersei lannister#jaime lannister#tyrion lannister#tywin lannister#stannis baratheon#renly baratheon#robert baratheon#arya stark#sansa stark#jon snow#theon greyjoy#mst3k#old movies#b movies#roger corman
882 notes
·
View notes
Text
Somewhere in the future Jon names his first born " Robb" after his beloved brother ( like he has already expressed that wants to do).
In the afterlife where all the asoiaf dead characters are gathered, Robb is crying tears of joy while also hugging his dad ( the hug is awkward bc Ned is also holding his head in his arms). Meanwhile, Rhaegar and Robert finally found something they agree on: they do not like the name choice.
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
asoiaf characters as youtubers
cersei: she is the CRAZIEST mukbanger ever. always has some new drama to talk about and it’s very very interesting so she has millions of subscribers. you know that meme of azealia banks’ internet feuds list? yeah that’s cersei. she’s beefed with everyone on the platform and never makes any apology videos for it. she’s had the channel since before she gave birth to joffrey and it’s still going strong. she sometimes does sponsorships but only for wine companies
tyrion: he is the vsauce of asoiaf youtube. does a lot of videos about scientific theories and experiments that get a lot of views. sometimes has drama with people but it’s not very often. he did a face reveal once he got to 3 mil and people edited picsart flower crowns onto his head and made it their pfp, so his comments are just filled with those. sometimes does his own experiments but they always end up going wrong
margaery: she does a lot of makeup tutorials!! she makes sure to use easily accessible drugstore makeup products so people can follow along. she has a couple million subscribers and is renowned as the most non-toxic makeup youtuber of all time. tried to collab with cersei but cersei didn’t show up. she also used to be a nail tech so she has a master class on that
theon: OMGGG theon is THE internet gossip youtuber ever. he’ll literally be pumping out videos about feuds hours after they started. some call him shady cause of the types of videos he makes but he doesn’t care cause he’s having fun. he also has a twitch gaming streaming channel and he is the Jerma of his universe there. he sucks at the games and does not know anything about gaming consoles or the best mics/cameras etc so he has to get computer science™ major jon to help him
sansa: sansa is a fashion design major in nyc so of COURSE she is posting lifestyle vlogs. she started the whole channel because she was featured in a few of margaery’s videos and people kept asking for her to make her own. but she is also very careful with her privacy cause she’s scared of someone finding her. she also has a second channel where she posts sims 4 videos and it’s super chill and fun over there
arya: arya’s really into self defense so she mostly posts tutorials and videos about that. she’s super super helpful in the comments but will insult people brutally when provoked. her genre isn’t as popular as the others so she has a couple hundred thousand (very loyal) subscribers. she also has a secret second channel that only has around 10k subs and everyone there gatekeeps tf out of it. she posts roblox and fortnite videos with her siblings that are really funny and entertaining. all of the girls in the comments are thirsting for robb 😭
jon: jon doesn’t post very much but when he does post it’s minecraft videos. most of the time sam is in them and sometimes robb will make an appearance but he has no idea what is going on. jon posts minecraft builds and he has his own smp (is that what they call it????) he’ll occasionally post videos about playing choices matter games like detroit become human and until dawn. sometimes ppl go ??? because during his minecraft build videos he traumadumps in the background instead of just putting on music or smth. he doesn’t show his face tho cause he’s afraid of getting made fun of
myrcella and tommen: ok they have a super secret channel that only has around 1,000 subscribers where they post videos of their cat. that’s all. people in the comments are super sweet and myrcella and tommen make an effort to respond to all of them. their videos only get like 230 views each time they post but they don’t really care they’re having fun
renly and loras: they’re posting relationship vlogs and stuff but they don’t have a filter so sometimes they talk about really nsfw stuff and get in trouble for it. they’re mostly known for their travel vlogs but they also do videos about drama in their lives that is literally insane. like once renly casually brought up how his brother almost killed him during a ouija board game and loras is like “mhm mhm” but all of the comments are ???? margaery collabs with them all of the time too
bran: 3am challenges.
#asoiaf#asoiaf crack#a song of ice and fire#cersei lannister#theon greyjoy#sansa stark#jon snow#renly baratheon#loras tyrell#margaery tyrell#arya stark#tyrion lannister#myrcella baratheon#myrcella lannister#tommen baratheon#bran stark
255 notes
·
View notes
Text
Oh so when my BROTHER rebels and declares himself king in response to Lord Stark’s wrongful execution he’s taking down a madman and his tyrannical rule, but when *I* do it, I’m “ignoring the laws of inheritance that say Stannis should inherit if Robert dies without legitimate heirs” and “attention seeking”. I see how it is.
#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#renly baratheon#robert baratheon#stannis baratheon#<3#baratheon brothers#asoiaf memes#asoiaf crack
675 notes
·
View notes
Text
My wildest asoiaf crackships (TAG! GAME)
Post your 4 favourite/wildest asoiaf crackships and tag blogs you think can match the energy
I will be held accountable for my actions. I will say I don't ship these, but I probably read a great fanfiction that made me question myself.
Starting cute, Myrcella and Nymeria.
This one I'd a bit strange due to the age gap but it's cute.
Jon Snow and Missandei of Naath
Now, I don't like him, but it's kinda cute to read their dynamic. Just two loyal people accustomed to strange beasts.
It gets bad here, again my apologies.
Daemon and Corlys. I stumbled on this one, and Ottomon could never.
Take a deep breath, consider all the good things I've said and done. Elia and Tywin.
I hate the fact that the fanfic was that good. I hate it to this day.
It doesn't get much worse than this but I thought it would be fun.
Low commitment tags: @theothermaidoftarth @martellspear @lady-phasma @viiisenyas @niocel @savagefangirl @bohemian-nights @witheredoffherwitch
#a song of ice and fire#i dont ship incest recreationally#but yk the targs have a few ships#these are my bottom of the barrel though#outside of nymeria and myrcella#crackship#asoiaf crack
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of my fav parts from asoiaf is how inaccurate and slow word travel/news is. Like high lord drama or wars, the small folk don't get ravens or anything so it's so inaccurate. One person comments on lady Lysa and another's like, "Oh, yeah, she died. Like a month ago."
Another comments on the war of the five kings, like a prisoner is like, "Long live king Renly!" And the soldier comments, "King Renly died, Lady Catelyn stabbed him." Which is inaccurate.
Someone comments on Ned, saying they've got to send a letter to Winterfell and that he'd probably approve the request. Another person in the tavern has to explain that "lord Stark lost his head weeks ago at King's Landing".
Not many know of Jofferys death until a drunk knight comments on it in a bar. They decide "good riddens" and "next drinks on me".
#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#robb stark#catelyn stark#renly baratheon#joffrey baratheon#ned stark#gossip#news#asoiaf crack#lysa arryn
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay, but you cant tell me that the kingsguard didnt fucking hate Jaime at first. Like imagine you're a 34 year old or something just doing your job and your boss decides to hire some 15 year old as part of a weird revenge scheme on his dad who he used to be friends with. Also he gets to wear his own super special gaudy gold uniform because he's obscenely rich while you guys are stuck with white. I'd have stabbed him.
129 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love vaegon
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
my ultimate asoiaf crackship is definitely Qhorin Halfhands (but he's secretly Arthur Dayne) x Mance Rayder (who's just some guy). like imagine being so stuck up about your vows and notions loyalty that you refuse to serve the usurper king and choose to go the the wall instead and then your new brother is so thematically similar your your dead best friend that you can't help but fall in love a little. and then through all the yearning and catholic guilt-ing and actively misunderstanding the difference between choosing your post and being made to take it, when you think you finally found a like-minded soul..... the guy just fucking dips. would that be fucked up or what.
#obviously this hinges on how much arthur believed on rhaegar's prophetic stuff#and whether or not him and mance talked about The Possibility Of Others#but it's not like did mance deserted because of the others themselves so eh#asoiaf#arthur dayne#mance rayder#qhorin halfhands#a song of ice and fire#sun o' mine#valyrianscrolls#asoiaf crack#mance rayder x qhorin halfhands
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
When crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges it's 'intelligent' and 'really cool', but when I do it I'm 'petty' and 'need to move on?
- Aegor Rivers
153 notes
·
View notes
Text
men: i never cheated on you please believe me!
ned stark: i cheated on you please believe that! i cheated on you so hard look here’s proof of my adultery doesn’t he look just like me? that’s definitely my love child tell everyone you know
#the sexiest thing a man can do is gaslight his wife into beliving his nephew is his son#i need him carnally#ned stark#catelyn tully#catelyn stark#nedcat#jon snow#valyrianscrolls#asoiaf#asoiaf crack
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
The crackfic is alive!!! Thanks to everyone who helped, I worked your ideas in as best I could 💕
@dusana-thewitch @triangulor
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
*Catelyn remembering the last thing she told Jon was that he should have been in coma instead of Bran*
Catelyn: I'm satisfied.
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
random things i think asoiaf characters would do at school in a modern!au
theon: probably one of the worst people in his class. manspreads obnoxiously, gets people distracted and laughing, and has undiagnosed ADHD so he doesn’t know what is going on at all times. mrs. catelyn stark gets pissed and in the new seating chart puts him next to jeyne poole for him to get his shit together. he doesn’t. he even manages to rope jeyne into some of his antics. he has not shown up to school once in anything but pajamas, even on the first day, and has one notebook and one folder. that’s all. always is asking people for answers and gets into major beef with jon because jon purposely gave him the wrong kahoot answers. brings a “water bottle” to school but there’s just vodka in it. shadow boxes. stinky
jeyne: the sweetest person you could be sat next to. she’s super prepared for school and has 20 different folders arranged by color, her locker is decorated with a bunch of mini furniture and fairy lights, and she always has perfume and pads and stuff for all of her girlfriends. however she does look a bit odd sometimes because her hair just sticks out in all directions in every hairstyle she does. she always forgets to put on her retainer and tells theon to remind her. he forgets about it too
dany: is always bringing her three kittens (drogon, rhaegal, and viserion) to school. chews gum a lot so her breath is overwhelmingly minty when she comes within 6 ft of someone. in study hall when she has nothing to do she creates braid trains with sansa (poor missandei’s at the elementary school across the street). rides her bike to school on the first day and it is immediately stolen. always is dropping her hydroflask on the floor and it makes a really loud noise that teachers yell at her for. you can’t even see what color her water bottle is because of how many stickers there are on it
sansa: does her makeup in class and does not care. cries hysterically during math class (real) but always says it’s her “allergies”. does cartwheels in the hallways ???? eats a whole box of fig newtons in class while she’s on her period and proceeds to say that it’s healthy because there’s fruit in it. always has the prettiest acrylics and loves getting her nails done!!! she’s crashed her car trying to park in the school parking lot 3 times
jon: emo emo emo emo. never has his chromebook charged and gets screamed at for it. he smells like chlorine because he always goes to swim practice at like 4 am before school. draws a lot but especially draws ugly alliser thorne art and then leaves it on thorne’s desk after class ends. people ask him how his eyelashes are so long and he acts like he doesn’t know but he wears mascara. is in the robotics club with sam. never makes it to the bus stop in time and then complains when bus driver lysa arryn gets pissed off at him for it. the 9th grader of all time
margaery: has really bad RBF and is so popular that people are intimidated by her but she’s actually really nice. she’s a cheerleader and her brother is the quarterback. always has the prettiest notes with designs and drawings and stuff 😭 in every other class she’s smart but she does not understand physics at all. yells a lot in gym class??? not at people she just yells. also does gymnastics moves in the hallways for no reason
#asoiaf#theon greyjoy#sansa stark#a song of ice and fire#valyrianscrolls#jon snow#jeyne poole#margaery tyrell#daenerys targaryen#asoiaf crack
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cersei: I would rather face 🤺 any 🙅♀️ number 🔢 of swords 🗡⚔️🗡 than have to sit helpless 👼👼👼 pretending 🎭 to enjoy 🤣 the company of this flock of frightened 😱🫣😰 hens 🐓🐓🐓.
Sansa, 12, trying not to think about the battle outside: YOU asked for them to be here, Your Grace!
#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#acok#cersei lannister#sansa stark#tbotbw#the battle of the black water#asoiaf memes#asoiaf crack
460 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
oldpaintings
Old Paintings
worldpressberlin
WPB World Press Berlin UG
webpos
Webpos Software Solutions
dearangels
AKIA
