#Loxosceles | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wouldntyou-liketoknow · 9 months

Text

RE8 AU Incorrect Quotes [Part 2]

I’m currently busy with other writing projects at the moment (mainly this year’s Goretober, because I’ll have to stick to an actual posting schedule if I want to go for thirteen days).

I’m still not sure when I’ll be able to write another fic for this AU, but I definitely haven’t forgotten about it! Until then, here’s more memes. (Thank you for all your patience and understanding, @that-bat )

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. Ethan Nestor-Winters: But how—? Nate/Lord Ophio: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Shouldn’t you have something inspiring yet infuriating to say? Hunter/The Baron: Yes, actually. . . Hunter/The Baron: *stands up, clears his throat, straightens his tie* Hunter/The Baron: . . .Smash Mouth was right all along! “The years start coming, and they d o n ’ t s t o p c o m i n g . ”

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Life is just a hallucination caused by oxygen. Once you stop breathing, it all goes away.

___

Matt/Lord Loxosceles: I'm not creepy. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: I'm petty. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: There's a difference, y’know.

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: I’m a multitasker! Mark/Lord Isurus: I can torture fifteen people at once.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Though I admit I don’t know much about you, I am feeling pretty confident in my assessment that you are probably some sort of sick deadly fuck. Hunter/The Baron: Who told you my secret?

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: The “how the fucks” and “why are you so dumbs” don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

___

Hunter/The Baron: So, you three are brothers? Mark/Lord Isurus: Only in spirit Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Technically speaking, yes. Nate/Lord Ophio: No.

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Those darn tall people. Nate/Lord Ophio: Darn em’ indeed. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Don’t worry, they'll be gone soon enough. Mark/Lord Isurus: Hahaha. . .

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: *sitting on the roof of The Baron’s Market, quietly talking to an undead raven* Hunter/The Baron: . . .Lord Ophio, what’re you doing? Nate/Lord Ophio: Apparently finding out that Ethan guy is pretty weird. Hunter/The Baron: Ah, so you’re stalking him? Nate/Lord Ophio: No, my pets are just helping me observe from a distance. Hunter/The Baron: Look, it’s none of my business what you decide to do with Mr. Nestor-Winters, but I’m pretty sure that still counts as stalking Nate/Lord Ophio: *pauses, then sends the raven off* Baron, do you know what the difference between people-watching and stalking is? Hunter/The Baron: I might. . . Nate/Lord Ophio: *nods* A restraining order.

___

Hunter/The Baron: Why do you and the other Lords want to kill Mr. Nestor-Winters? Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Have you seen him?! His neck looks so snappable!

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: So, what do you do for a living? Nate/Lord Ophio: I exist against my will

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: I can’t fucking handle this right now! Mark/Lord Isurus: Just remember, if you can’t handle me at my worst. . .I CAN HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, WHICH MAKES ME STRONGER THAN YOU!

___

Hunter/The Baron: Lord Ophio, when’s your birthday? Nate/Lord Ophio: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me? Hunter/The Baron: . . .So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

___

[The Lords are getting ready for a standard ritual event]

Nate/Lord Ophio: Mark is late again. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: How did this happen? I called him at eight o’clock this morning and pretended it was eleven! I even printed up a fake schedule for him saying we were starting at nine instead of noon! Nate/Lord Ophio: I set his clock to say PM when it’s really AM. Hunter/The Baron: *not involved with the upcoming ritual, but is still within earshot of all this* . . .I think you might’ve overdone it, my lords. Mark/Lord Isurus: *bursts through one of the temple’s windows* Mark/Lord Isurus: WHAT FUCKING TIME IS IT?!

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: You don't know anything about me! Hunter/The Baron: I know EVERYTHING about you! You’re an open book written for very disturbed children!

___

[During the Boss Fight between Ethan and Matt]

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Why did you let Miranda turn you into this?! There’s so many better things in the world that you could’ve seen! Matt/Lord Loxosceles: I don’t know, Earwig. Why do you keep letting your hands get ruined?! THERE’S SO MANY WEAPONS IN THE WORLD THAT YOU COULD’VE USED COMPETENTLY!

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: You’re terrible at interacting with people. When you meet someone, what’s your opening line? Nate/Lord Ophio: “Hi, did you have a happy childhood, or are you funny? It can only be one!”

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: It’s strange how well you and that zombie get along. Didn’t he hate you at first? Hunter/The Baron: Lord Ophio hates everybody at first. It’s his way of reaching out to people.

___

Matt/Lord Loxosceles: What’s the plan? Nate/Lord Ophio: I don’t know! You’re smart, *points at Mark* and he’s mean, so come up with something!

___

“Adulting is hard. How do I quit?” Hunter/The Baron: Time travel. Nate/Lord Ophio: Die.

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Mark/Lord Isurus: You’re gonna need to be more specific. Are you talking about original birth or rebirth? Nate/Lord Ophio: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: I personally metamorphosed in a lab. Hunter/The Baron: I just straight up spawned lol.

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: I technically don’t have anything against you, but I can still make up lots of reasons to attack you!!

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: I’m gonna go check on my scouts. Try not to kill each other while I’m gone. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Oh, please. We’re not children. Nate/Lord Ophio: *leaves* Mark/Lord Isurus: *casually* . . .Eat shit and die. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Yeah, fuck you, too.

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: *writing in his diary with a glitter gel pen* I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There’s blood on my hands.

___

Hunter/The Baron: Why can’t we all just get along? Nate/Lord Ophio: Because most of us are assholes, Baron. I thought that was obvious

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: You know what I’ve realized? Ethan Nestor-Winters: Some thoughts are better left unsaid? Mark/Lord Isurus: Nice try, anyway—

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Are you trying to give me a fucking aneurysm?! Nate/Lord Ophio: Pretty sure we all are. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you came here. Mark/Lord Isurus: To be perfectly fair, you almost gave me one first Hunter/The Baron: I just cause aneurysms naturally.

___

Hunter/The Baron: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?  

Matt/Loxosceles: Maybe a bit tipsy?  

Mark/Lord Isurus: Drunk.  

Nate/Lord Ophio: Wasted.  

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Dead.

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: *trying to hide his gun behind his back* If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true, then WHOEVER’S CONTROLLING MY SIM NEEDS TO COME SEE ME BECAUSE I JUST WANNA TALK—

___

Hunter/The Baron: It’s not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You’ve got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Could you maybe just like. . .stab me. . .right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: Look, try not to roll your eyes at me, alright? I’m not in the fucking mood for that. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . .I don’t even have pupils anymore??

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Why do people worry when their life feels incomplete? If it was complete, they would be dead. Hunter/The Baron: . . .Do you have, like, a spirit animal to look up to? Ethan Nestor-Winters: Yeah—roosters! Because they also start every day screaming!

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Yesterday, I overheard Matt saying “Are you sure this’ll actually work?” and Mark replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

___

Hunter/The Baron: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: Matt, I’m so ready for the Twitch stream with Lady Dimestrescu! It’s gonna be so great! I bought the best laptop your money could buy! Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . .Did you say MY MONEY? Mark/Lord Isurus: Yeah! It’s even one of those two-for-one foldable ones! Mark/Lord Isurus: *forcibly snaps the laptop’s screen back, breaking it pretty much beyond repair* Matt/Lord Loxosceles: Mark, that was nOT A FOLDABLE LAPTOP. Mark/Lord Isurus: *freezes in place, eyes welling up with tears* ...EuH. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . . Mark/Lord Isurus: EuH—!!! Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . . Mark/Lord Isurus: *gingerly pulls the laptop’s screen back up, letting out a raspy sob* I tHiNk YoU bRoKe It. . !

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: *unconscious on the ground* Hunter/The Baron: Do you think he’s okay? Nate/Lord Ophio: *holding a bucket of ice water* Who cares? *dumps all of the water on Ethan’s face*

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Mark has no survival skills. His need to win has replaced them. Hunter/The Baron: Prove it. Nate/Lord Ophio: Hey, Mark! Matt said you couldn’t get to the bottom of those stairs faster than him! Mark/Lord Isurus: *Throws himself out a window at the top of the staircase*

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: This is a safety pin. Ethan Nestor-Winters: *cuts off the end of the pin* Ethan Nestor-Winters: It is now a danger pin.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: I just realized that every person is living a life as vivid and complex as my own. Nate/Lord Ophio: . . . Nate/Lord Ophio: I feel so bad for them.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: It’s called the Circle of Life because it’s POINTLESS Hunter/The Baron: Haters got you down? Nate/Lord Ophio: I show the haters how it’s DONE! By hating myself more than they ever could! Hunter/The Baron: The point of this was to tell people what the longest part of your morning routine is. Nate/Lord Ophio: FINDING THE WILL TO LIVE

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?

Ethan Nestor-Winters: “Bees?”

Mark/Lord Isurus: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES!

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Wait—

[Matt/Lord Loxosceles approaches, shaking a jar of bumblebees menacingly]

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: I think it’s time I get my life in order. Hunter/The Baron: *narrating* But he did not get his life in order. In fact, he got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

___

Nate/Lord Ophio: When I admitted that I didn’t know what family I actually came from, Mark told me Mother Miranda must’ve found me in a KFC bucket next to a dumpster. Matt/Lord Loxosceles: . . .I mean, that probably is what happened. Nate/Lord Ophio: Oh crap, maybe that’s the reason why. Maybe my lackluster feelings towards their fried chicken is because subconsciously I'm reliving the trauma whenever I see their trademark bucket. My brain and cognitive dissonance won't let me completely lie to myself and say I hate their food, because fried chicken is great and I want some now, instead it just steers me away. Thank you for helping to guide me towards this epiphany, perhaps now the healing can begin.

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: I’m learning what PEMDAS stands for! Ethan Nestor-Winters: Please-End-My-Depression-And-Suffering!

___

Mark/Lord Isurus: Y'know, I once knew a man who said to me, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” He also had a pair of sideburns that would cause even Jude Law’s face to weep in forfeit. You put those lemons in a sack and beat your enemies with ‘em! And maybe if you beat ‘em hard enough the bag will split open and lemon juice will spray into their eyes, causing intense burning pains as you crush them into a citrus-y pulp! Hunter/The Baron: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Their heads or the lemons? Mark/Lord Isurus: Whatever caves first!

___

Ethan Nestor-Winters: Did you win? Or just not die? Ethan Nestor-Winters: Either way, hooray. Nate/Lord Ophio: . . .Is “no” a valid answer? Ethan Nestor-Winters: The hooray is redacted.

___

#my writing #incorrect quotes #that bat's resident evil village au #re8 au #ethan nestor #crankgameplays #ethan nestor-winters #nathan sharp #natewantstobattle #lord ophio #matthew patrick #matpat #lord loxosceles #mark fischbach #markiplier #lord isurus #hunter hughes #dookieshed #the baron

5 notes · View notes