Ok but how do you not let what is going on with bg affect (or is it effect i never know lol) your view of Louis? Because this past year has affected mine and it's truly heartbreaking. It's clear to me that Louis is actively involved now and I don't think any excuse be it contracts or closeting or career is good enough to justify this morally fucked up situation. I always thought Louis was braver and stronger than that.

I’m gonna try and say this as kindly as I can but it doesn’t affect me because I’m an Old Gay on top of being an Old Fan so when I say I respect, accept, and understand closeted people I am very aware of what it is I am saying and implying and also what it is I am expecting of the closeted person. I expect nothing from them except their continued protection of their closet. And I believe that someone protecting their closet IS important, important enough to even allow you to do “morally fucked up” stuff. Because the closet comes from a morally fucked up place. The closet is about a queer person surviving. End of.

Tbh what would make me think of Louis less is if this was real. If I believed BG was real I would have to accept this celebrity I like is a shitty father, who gave zero shits about this child until they were roughly… 6ish aka old enough that the dad can spoil him with minimal effort or obligation in his end. I would have to accept that Louis had zero hand in raising his child, has zero influence in his child’s life outside of giving him big gifts, and is all in all a sperm donor with money who if he decides tomorrow he wanted full custody he could just take it away from Briana with his money even though he put in NONE of the hard effort of raising a child. He didn’t even have overnight privileges when Freddie was a baby. If you have ever heard a single mother talk about her shitty baby daddy… just apply all of that to Louis and that’s what he would be. If BG was real.

But it’s not real. Briana was never pregnant. Therefore Louis isn’t a shit dad. He’s not a dad at all. He’s a closeted queer person trying to navigate his situation the best he can. As a fellow queer person I respect closeted queer people and I demand nothing of them. I don’t think less of them. I don’t think they are weaker or less brave just because they stay closeted. I understand it’s necessary for their lives that they know better than I will.

no. 70 is louis

“I haven’t written any crack theories in a while,” I said to myself.

This is what my brain responded with.

And slowly, somehow, this idea turned from crack into something I’m legitimately starting to think is the case.

The Teacher.

This theory hinges on one thing and one thing alone— the Teacher. We know he’s told Mikhail he can bring the dead back to life, and he seems to have saved Mikhail from the verge of death in the past (it’s even possible that Mikhail actually did die, and the Teacher brought him back). If the Teacher can actually bring Luna back after they turned to dust, it’s very very likely that he might have been able to do the same with Louis.

It follows to wonder… is this something that the Teacher would actually do?

For a while now I’ve considered the Teacher’s… er… disposal of Louis to be the natural conclusion of a finished experiment, but I’m starting to realize that Louis’s continued existence actually does hold some value to the Teacher. His experiment on Louis is complete, but whatever he’s got planned for Noé (and potentially Domi as well) is absolutely not over, and Louis would be a very high value piece to have on the board when it comes to those two. If the Teacher actually can bring people back from the dead, wouldn’t it be wasteful of him to just toss Louis’s ashes away rather than attempting to bring him back?

With that, we have the very first piece of this messy, insane puzzle. The chances that the Teacher just disposed of Louis’s corpse when he could potentially use it to manipulate or observe Noé and Dominique in the future seem very very slim.

So now let’s try to fit some more puzzle pieces together.

The Timeline

We’ve established that the chances of Louis not being… entirely… dead are, while maybe not high, definitely existent. But what’s all this talk about him being No.70?

First and foremost! If Louis isn’t dead, but the Teacher wants Domi and Noé to fully believe he’s dead, he’s gonna need somewhere far away from the two of them to store the kid until he can use him again. If Ruthven has access to those magic Jeanne clone pods the Teacher must too, right? Couldn’t he just shut Louis into one of those for a little while? But that kinda doesn’t feel like the Teacher’s style— why should he stash Louis in a pod when he could be performing yet another experiment?

We know that the Teacher has a great interest in the Blue Moon clan. He sends an Archiviste out to find Vanitas in Paris, he brings Mikhail back from the dead, the cat he potentially ran experiments on has one copper sulfate blue colored eye [link to a discussion on that at the bottom of this post]… it feels like almost all of his experiments revolve around either Naenia or Luna. So it follows to assume… if a human scientist somehow got access to a vial of Luna’s blood and multiple Books of the Blue Moon, the Teacher would be the first to notice, and he’d be absolutely fascinated by what was going on there.

Come to think of it, it might actually be possible that the Teacher was the reason why Moreau acquired those objects in the first place. Out of all the characters we know of in the series so far, the only one who I could logically see somehow acquiring the Books and Luna’s blood (short of Luna themself, and they’d absolutely never give those things to Moreau) is the Teacher. The Teacher sounds genuinely excited about the mere existence of a Book of the Blue Moon back in his letter to Noé in chapter 1, but I think this could absolutely just be him faking excitement as a way of maintaining his persona and staying in line with who he wants Noé to see him as.

With that, let’s start building a timeline here.

The Teacher has a few Books of the Blue Moon, and some of Luna’s blood, and he’s messed with both items a bit, but his experiments keep coming up short. He can’t open the Books, as he isn’t a Kin of the Blue Moon. He also has a newly reincarnated Louis lying around somewhere, hidden from Domi and Noé. And now he hears about this human scientist who’s running strange experiments on humans, trying to turn them into vampires.

Isn’t that just perfectly serendipitous?

Maybe the Teacher decides to pay Doctor Moreau a visit. He flatters Moreau, tells him he’ll give him the Books of Vanitas and Luna’s blood for his experiments. He’ll even throw in a vampire kid for free— all Moreau has to do is not kill the kid, and he can do whatever he wants with the rest.

No.70

So there’s a lot of parts of this theory that make sense. The Teacher reviving Louis? Makes sense. The Teacher giving Moreau Luna’s books and blood? Absolutely horrifying, disturbing, I hate it so, so much… but also makes sense. The only thing that doesn’t quite fit is the idea that No.70 is Louis. Wouldn’t it make so much more sense if No.70 was Astolfo’s younger sister Louisette, or some other random kid?

Let’s start with what we know about No.70. They arrived at the lab after Vanitas, but before Mikhail. Their gender isn’t specified, and Vanitas never says if they’re a human or a vampire. Vanitas speculates that something horrible happened to them in the past. We never see their neck or head. Oh, and they can’t speak.

This definitely all seems like stuff that could point to No.70 being Louisette. However, all of this evidence could also indicate that No.70 is Louis.

We know that while the Teacher seems to be able to bring people back from the dead, he can’t fix what’s already broken about them. He can’t repair Mikhail’s missing arm. And if, hypothetically, someone’s vocal chords were damaged when their head got cut off… maybe the Teacher couldn’t fix them.

No.70 also seems to be given some level of special treatment at the lab. Unlike Vanitas and Mikhail, they’re able to wander around freely at night. They’re clearly still being torturously experimented on, but they seem to have a modicum of freedom that the other test subjects don’t get.

It would also make a lot of sense for the Teacher to want to place Louis at the lab as an observer. One of my theories on Murr (again, linked at the bottom of this theory) is that the Teacher is somehow able to see what Murr sees out of one of Murr’s eyes, using the cat as a sort of living alchemical bug he can observe Noé through.

If the Teacher could do that to Murr, the Teacher could probably do that to Louis as well. If the Teacher was going to give Moreau the Books of Vanitas and Luna’s blood, he’d want to be able to observe what was going on there at all times, right? Sure, he could probably shapeshift into a mouse or a fly and sneak into the lab without any trouble, but that would take up a lot of time and effort. It would be so much easier to just have an observer wandering the lab at all times, someone he could check in on at a moment’s notice.

The Teacher needs somewhere to put the newly revived Louis. The Teacher wants to give Moreau some little presents for a horrifying and deeply disturbing experiment. The Teacher wants to observe this experiment.

The solution is clear.

Whew! So! I think we’ve established some things! I think I’ve made an actually shockingly half decent case for Louis being No.70! It follows to wonder… what happened to him after the destruction of the lab? The Teacher wouldn’t have just brought Louis back to the castle, where he could run into Noé or Domi at any time. The Teacher wouldn’t have just left Louis to the Chasseurs, either, as they likely would’ve killed him for a) being a vampire and b) being proof of Moreau’s crimes. No, actually, I think something else happened.

We’ve established that Louis can’t speak. There’s a character in VnC who only seems to be able to speak when they’re using a voice box.

We’ve established that Louis is connected to Moreau. There’s a character in VnC who seems to frequently appear around Moreau.

We’ve seen Louis fight before. There’s a character in VnC who uses the same melee style slashing attacks.

Hell. They’re even introduced in the same chapter.

If I was going to make a guess, I think Louis becomes

Monsieur Spider.

I was expecting this section to be crack. Hell, I was expecting this whole theory to be crack.

But once you start seeing the parallels, you really can’t stop.

They clearly have similar fighting styles. Monsieur Spider seems to speaks with a voice box (all of his dialogue uses a blocky, mechanical lettering rather than normal text). There’s the purposeful parallels in framing and composition between the two (as seen in the panels above). When Noé hallucinates a man inviting him to Charlatan during the Gévaudan arc, the man (sitting in a very Louislike pose, and saying something quite in line with Louis’s philosophy as a child) has horns— just like Monsieur Spider.

Y’know who else is associated with horns in VnC? Dominique, who wears them during the Bal Masqué. Dominique, Louis’s twin sister.

Of course, there’s a problem with this theory. Monsieur Spider doesn’t seem to like Noé very much. As a matter of fact, he seems very interested in killing Noé. He’s angry when Noé gets in his way at the Bal Masqué and seems genuinely upset when Ruthven fails to murder Noé in the cafe. This doesn’t seem in character for Louis, does it?

But look a little closer, and you’ll start to see it.

Monsieur Spider refuses to call Noé by his name when he tells Ruthven about his interruption at the Bal Masqué, despite almost definitely knowing it. In fact, he flinches when Ruthven says Noé’s name. He seems almost unnecessarily emotional whenever Noé is thrown into the equation, especially when compared to the cold and blank way he discusses Moreau. He has to desperately hold himself back from interacting with Noé when he helps Moreau escape from the lab.

Whenever Monsieur Spider shows emotion, it’s always because of Noé.

Now that sounds very in line with the Louis we know.

I think it’s very likely that Louis, just like our other reincarnated boy wonder Mikhail, has some level of amnesia when it comes to the past (specifically when it comes to how he died). It’s possible that his memories were damaged by his head getting chopped off (along with the whole reincarnation thing), or maybe the Teacher messed with his memories on purpose. Either way, I don’t think Louis remembers any specifics about Noé and Dominique (and if he does, they’re probably buried very deep under layers of suffering and hatred). All he knows is that he feels something when he’s around Noé, and he desperately wants to get rid of that feeling.

Hence the whole killing Noé thing.

And with that, I think our timeline is complete! Louis died and was brought back by the Teacher, who took him to Moreau’s lab along with Luna’s blood and the Books of Vanitas. Louis then spent some time as Teacher’s observer in the lab as No.70, and escaped from the lab with Moreau after the Teacher’s experiment reached its conclusion and Vanitas and Mikhail were saved by Luna. Louis then likely stayed with Moreau, and eventually became Monsieur Spider.

The Storytelling Angle

Whoof. I feel like there’s some very stronk proof here. But if you need a lil more evidence to convince you that these three very different seeming characters are actually one and the same, this section is for you.

First and foremost…. Mochijun has actually done something somewhat similar to this before (albeit in a way more obvious fashion) in Pandora Hearts.

When Oz comes back from the Abyss in Book 1, he and the readers both believe that only a short amount of time has passed since he was thrown into the Abyss. Mochijun capitalizes on this by introducing the readers to Raven, a character with a striking resemblance to Oz’s childhood friend Gilbert, but who is established as a different character both age and personality wise to build up to the big reveal. A few chapters later we get the emotional reveal that Raven is indeed Gilbert, and ten years have gone by.

I can’t help but feel like something similar is happening with Noé and Louis in VnC, just in a very different way. One of the most obvious clues as to Raven being Gilbert in PH (besides his physical appearance) was his strangely intense attachment to Oz, despite seeming to have only met him a few days ago. We see something very similar going on with Monsieur Spider when it comes to Noé (just in a very negative sense of “intense attachment” rather than a positive one).

In addition to this, and focusing more on VnC as a story… I can’t help but feel like Louis being alive would throw an absolutely delightful wrecking ball into the story.

Even though a lot of insane batshit crazy stuff has gone down during the Exposition Universalle arc, I can’t help but feel like after it’s all over, our characters will genuinely come out of it as stronger people with stronger relationships with each other (and with themselves @/ Dominique).

Noé and Vanitas have withstood the ultimate test of their friendship, culminating in what’s basically their equivalent of a love confession (and Vanitas sobbing into Noé’s chest, and Noé finally bloodying his hands to protect Vanitas, and them both desperately trying to save each other’s lives but refusing to abandon each other, and—). Dominique and Vanitas, Dominique and Jeanne, Dominique and Noé, and Jeanne and Noé all have some great moments where they rely on each other, learn from each other, and save each other while facing off against Mikhail.

Dominique in particular has absolutely transformed throughout the arc, finally starting to deal with her repressed self hatred and her intense survivor’s guilt. Hell, I’m actually able to picture Dominique confessing her love to Noé with a smile on her face, telling him she knows he doesn’t feel that way about her, and accepting that this doesn’t mean she’s inferior to Jeanne (or Vanitas). It feels like like Domi is truly on the road to becoming the best version of herself and she’s absolutely stunning and beautiful and Jeanne’s in love with her and so am I.

But this is Mochijun we’re talking about. Mochijun, queen of suffering and angst.

Wouldn’t it just be perfectly in line with her writing style if, in this moment where it seems like Dominique has truly grown and become stronger, all of it came crashing down with the reveal that Louis isn’t actually dead?

Wouldn’t it be fantastically painful if, in this moment where Vanitas and Noé seem to be connecting more than ever, their bond growing stronger than ever… Louis came and threw a wrench in it?

The End (for now)

And with that I think it’s high time we wrap it all up!!

Before we get to the very end of this post I do want to mention— there’s actually a solid bit more I want to talk about when it comes to this theory, but this post is already way longer than I wanted it to be. So!! There may or may not be a part two coming in the future. I will try my absolute best to get part 2 out… uhh… in the next…. uhh… increment of time or so!!

As always, please take this theory with a massive massive grain of salt. There is a compelling case out there for Monsieur Spider being Johann. While I do not consider the anime canon to the manga, it’s extremely likely that the anime version of Monsieur Spider is indeed Johann (which bodes quite ill for this theory). I do still have a lot of faith in the evidence I’ve presented but the simple fact that Johann Spider is (90% likely to be) canon in the anime knocks the wind out of my sails a bit. This post has a Lot of speculation and it’s very very possible that I’m completely wrong on all accounts here!

Thank you so much for reading this theory/ meta/ analysis/ insane rambling thing!

Fun Fact

murr sus

Monthly Reads | November 2019

Happy 28th! I say this every month but I just can’t say it enough - all my love and thanks go to all the amazing authors this fandom has to offer! ♥

Our hearts beat the same rhythm | ssii8 | a/b/o - mpreg - established relationship - light dom/sub - dark - soulmates - 53k "You knew, who I was when you agreed to be with me." And Louis did know. Faith had a funny way of working because Harry Styles was Louis Tomlinson' soulmate. Harry Styles, who was the epitome of word ruthless man and Louis had been okay with it. That's until Louis gets pregnant and has to run for his baby safety.

The Offer | writingstylinson | a/b/o - Styles Twins - domestic violence - domestic abuse - courtship - past rape/non-con - 35k In a world where male omegas are rare and often sold to the highest bidder, Louis belongs to a wealthy and well-known alpha. He doesn't expect his life to change from the monotonous routine of cleaning the apartment, cooking three meals a day, performing sexual favors, and showing up to events as arm candy. Then, equally respective businessmen make an offer for him.

You Were Mine | brightlyharry | established relationship - troubled marriage - online friendship - miscommunication - 20k Harry and Louis hardly speak to each other unless they're fighting. Harry has ran out of ways to try to repair their broken marriage and Louis can't be bothered to even try. When the loneliness becomes too much, he joins a new social media app. It doesn't take him long to make a new friend on there that helps pull him out of his solitary hell. The more they talk, the more Harry finds comfort in his anonymous friend. He is smiling and laughing again for the first time in months. He soon discovers that Louis is smiling again too, and it's not because of him.

Shine | littlelouishiccups | Girl Direction - friends to lovers - roommates - mutual pining - Coming Out - 8k Harry’s had a crush on Louis since the moment she realized she liked girls.

You're ripped at every edge, but you're a masterpiece | Valentia | college/university - self-hatred - self-esteem issues - self confidence issues - daddy kink - light dom/sub - body worship - light angst - hurt/comfort - 50k Harry Styles knows he's weird. He likes girly things like flowers and the colour pink and painting his nails and he doesn't have any friends. But he understands that because how could someone like him if he doesn't even like himself? It's his first semester at uni and really, he just hopes the horrors of his past won't repeat themselves. Louis Tomlinson has been a uni student for a while now with a rule of not dating new students. He still helps Harry find his way to his first class, though. He's also really sweet and really hot and Harry knows it won't end well, but it doesn't keep him from falling for Louis anyway. Or: The one where Harry is soft and pretty but doesn't see it and Louis just wants to love him the way he deserves.

All Along, My Heart Was Beating For You | harryswhale | Jurassic World - Jurassic Park - fluff - 36k Louis’ raptors are having babies. Harry’s called in to help.

Blockheads (Building a home with you) | bitter_leaf | Reality TV - The Block Australia - enemies to friends to lovers - mutual pining - 37k Louis is a no-nonsense contractor with a score to settle. Harry is an idealistic interior designer who just wants the world to be beautiful. When they decide to go on The Block, a reality TV show about renovating, they’re not prepared for what else they might build together…

Godless, Graceless, and Young | kiddle | 1990s - Grunge AU - friends to lovers - pining - humor - slow burn - internalized homophobia - 110k Seattle, Washington, 1991 It takes a special breed to have a slacker persona and still be a millionaire rockstar. Harry is about halfway there. He's the guitarist in a Seattle grunge band that could finally be headed somewhere, but he's also been sleeping on his bassist's sofa for the last three months and has been fired from every day-job he's had. Money doesn't equal success, but it does pay the bills. When a job offer and a new lead singer stumble into Harry's life, he might be getting a lot more than he bargained for. Like a couple of extra gigs and a boy who can teach him more than just how to mix a few drinks, and it's gonna take a few band brawls and a whole lot of heart-searching to get there. He's gotta have one somewhere...

Baby, Come Light Me Up | dinosaursmate | cheating - emotional manipulation - - brief mentions of possible domestic violence - anxiety - light angst - 50k Life is complicated for Louis Tomlinson. His job sucks, his mum is always mad at him, and his boyfriend is too busy all the time. He gains some perspective when he meets Harry and, suddenly, everything is turned on its head.

Soul of the Sea | Vurdoc | magic realism - pining - gothic romance - fluff - 32k Louis lives a nomadic lifestyle. Never settling down in one place for long, he finds himself caught in a storm, as he’s passing through a small Scottish seaside town. Everywhere is full, except the old B&B perched up on an isolated hill near the coastline, where the recluse owner isn’t what he seems. Then again, who really is? A fic about belonging, supernatural beings, and finding your own home.

So...how's parenting going? vol. ii: the case of the missing wedding guest | thealmightyavocado | established relationship - kid fic - crack - 8k Three-year-old Rory just doesn’t understand why he wasn’t invited to his parents’ wedding.

An Explanation of Why Louis and Violet are Both Terrific Love Interests [2/5]

+Why both romantic routes are not only amazing but better than other games I’ve personally played in the past.

+Why some people are idiots and get off on picking stupid fights.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Romantic Option #2: Warren Graham

Uhm.... Warren’s a person in this story, too.

He, uh, he’s really nerdy. He does some science shit. He has a huge crush on Max which is made very obvious by the everything about him. Uh..... he took a fist to the face and got a black eye because he was helping Max, uhm.... he took a picture that was pretty important to the plot... um....

I literally can’t remember anything else about him.

I couldn’t even remember his last name. I had to look up his wiki to remember anything about him.

That’s how forgettable he is.

Hell, fans of the game took his character and made him more interesting in fanart and fanfics than he ever was in the game! I remember more about THAT version of him than I do about the him in the canon of the game!

I gave you that whole bit about Chloe from memory. That’s how much more fleshed out and important she is within the game than Warren is. Everything I’m about to talk about here if from reading his wiki and remembering things that way.

We meet Warren and find out that he’s into nerdy shit like Max. He’s also obviously into her and does a shit job at hiding that fact, but then Nathan comes over and beats the shit out of him because plot.

When I first played, it was pretty obvious that Warren would be romanceable, and truth be told, I liked Warren. He was fine! He’s dorky and weird, but I thought he and Max could potentially be a cute couple, and so does the rest of the school since you can’t talk to any of the girls without them implying that Warren likes Max.

I kept waiting for Warren to be important, but it never really came! I mean, you could talk to him and help him with a science experiment [in which he fucking blows up] and you text him a lot. Oh, and you can go to a Planet of the Apes marathon with him which you never actually get to go to, but the game constantly reminds you that you’re going because Warren won’t shut up about it.

Let’s see, he also sends you instructions on how to build a bomb so that you can break into the principal’s office, and then he beats Nathan up, and then he shows up and takes a picture of him and Max that ends up being important in the final episode and then.... he doesn’t do much else.

Well, okay, he does talk about Max’s powers a little bit in ep5 and you can give him a smooch or hug him or disregard him completely.

And that’s about it.

........Wait a minute.

A boy with boyband hair who has extensive chemistry knowledge, knows how to make bombs, uses said bombs for pranks, gets fucked up by one of the antagonists AND was a throwaway character that the writers threw in there to further the plot along but doesn’t really do much so the fandom took him and made him better than the game ever gave him credit for...?

.....Welp, that’s a whole thing that I’m not gonna get into. One post at a time, folks.

ANYWAY

Back on topic, Warren’s a romanceable character, apparently. You can agree to go on a date with him and smooch him. You can tell people you think he’s cute. It’s fine.  

With all that about these two choices in mind, compare Warren to Chloe.

There is no comparison because Warren’s “romance route” is... is nothing! It’s a whole lot of little things that don’t amount to much! With Chloe, Max has all this chemistry and you spend 90% of the game with her! You forget that Warren exists until you get another text from him or another character brings him up!

You know what Warren feels like? He feels like a character that the writers threw in because they were worried that players wouldn’t want a tragic wlw love story between two best friends, who reconnect and fall in love over the course of five episodes.

Which, fair, because people are idiots.

Could they have made Warren more important? Sure, but like with Skybound and Telltale, they didn’t have an unlimited budget to pack everything they wanted into the game to make it better, and that’s not just limited to the relationships, that’s clear in the endings we got. And I’m sure that some Warren stans will read this and retaliate and tell me that he’s just as important than Chloe, I just don’t understand because I’m a shithead.

And maybe that’s true, but look me in the eye and tell me that if you took Warren out of the game, it would have drastically changed the story beyond repair.

Now, what does all this mean?

Compare Chloe and Warren to Louis and Violet as far as love interests go and how they were handled.

In TWDG, Louis and Violet are fairly even.

In LIS, Chloe and Warren aren’t even in the same universe. It doesn’t matter if you like Warren more, or if you like Chloe more, Chloe got more time and effort put into her story and romance than Warren did.

Think of it like this: Chloe is at a 90% and Warren 10%.  Louis is at 48% and Violet’s at 52%, and that’s depending on how you look at it.

If TWDG did the routes like this, then Violet would’ve been way more important, would’ve have ten times as many scenes with Clementine, and if you took her out of the story, the whole thing falls apart because she’d be 90% of the plot, while Louis over here would’ve been used as background noise and plot convenience once or twice. Sure, we would’ve gotten to know him a little bit, but not nearly anything substantial and not nearly as much in comparison.

That’s what we could’ve had, okay? The writers could’ve given us a single love interest and said: “We want you to pick this person... but we’ll also throw in this other person just in case y’all are homophobic/racist/fucking stupid/whatever.”

In conclusion: We were blessed with Louis and Violet who each got an arc and love story, both of which are fairly even. 

Have I made my point yet? No? You need more examples? Fine. I’ll give you another alternative to what we could’ve had, or rather, what we could’ve missed out on.

[Note: I want to add that I haven’t played Life is Strange 2, but I know that its playable character is also bisexual and can choose between a boy and a girl to romance, but I can’t comment on how well it did because I’ve yet to play it.]

[persona 4 and the relationships you can’t have]

This one time I tried to romance my partner but he was too busy trying to convince everyone that he’s straight to even notice.

Persona 4 is a game that came out in 2008, then re-released with new content in 2012 under the name Persona 4: Golden. The game follows your nameable protagonist who has just moved in with their uncle and cousin. During his year-long stay, he becomes involved in investigating mysterious murders while harnessing the power of summoning Persona. 

Great game, one that took over my life for about a year. Great characters, great voice acting, great story, great antagonists, and great romance and romanceable characters. 

While the romance is more of a side thing depending on if you decide to take that route with one of your social links, it’s still nice to have special moments with them to break away from all the TV murder and whatnot. 

And you have several great options to choose from! You’ve got Chie, Yukiko, Rise, Naoto, and then you’ve got several other girls around the school that you can start a thing with, but they’re not as important as those core four. 

Each of the girls has an incredibly well-written story and share a deep bond with you, the protagonist. So, the reason I’m putting this example here is that the choice between all these great girls is super hard, right? 

Wrong. 

Because when I played the damn game, I didn’t romance any of them. Not because I didn’t like them or because I didn’t want my character to have a romance, but because the asshole I WANTED to romance wasn’t an option. 

Because I’m not allowed to romance the dudes. 

And that includes this dude. 

Yosuke Hanamura

Remember that pin I mentioned about how great it is that Clementine’s bi because not only does it give us well-deserved representation but also allows the player to romance both girls and boys? 

The Protagonist of Persona 4 is not bisexual. 

I can only romance the girls because he is straight. 

But not really, because MY Protagonist pursued and sought after Yosuke despite the fact that the game would not let me romance him. Which is bullshit, because he clearly feels the same way, and no, that’s not my crazy brain making shit up. 

My entire playthrough was pretty much 

I won’t get into it because Persona is a long game and a complicated one to even try and explain to someone who hasn’t played it so that’s another rant for another day, but know this: 

Yosuke was the perfect opportunity to tell the story of a boy dealing with internal homophobia, falling in love with his best friend [PARTNER] after the girl he cared about died horrifically and faced his shadow learned to accept himself and his insecurities. The potential here was wasted. 

There are a shit ton more layers to that, but on the barest of bare-bones, that’s what I wanted. 

Hell, according to a bunch of people, Yosuke was going to be a romantic option, but they scrapped it! Insult to injury, I’ll say!

Comparing this to TWDG, you could argue that Clementine only gets to romance Louis and Violet, but some wanted to romance Mitch, Aasim, Brody, ect. 

Fair enough, but what I’m saying is this:

It sucked that I couldn’t romance the person I wanted to when I played Persona, and it still sucks every time I play a game and my person of desire is unattainable. This isn’t just Persona, that’s just the first game that comes to mind when I think about characters I always wanted a romance, but that includes all the other missed opportunities from other games, as well.

The Final Season is different. 

The writers of TFS could’ve said, “Oh you want to romance Louis/Violet? Oh no, sorry, we were gonna do it but we changed our minds! But, don’t worry, we’ll leave hint after hint that they have feelings for you but you can’t actively pursue them. Allow us to tease you with the wonderful romance that could’ve been! Midnight piano lessons! Conversations under the stars! Lots of smooches! You’ll never see it in canon!”

Or, they could’ve only given us one of them, but that’s the topic of the next game. 

In conclusion: They didn’t have to give us Louis and Violet or make them romanceable. If you want Clementine to have a relationship with them, you have the option to do that, which is something you can’t say with other games.

Continued in Part 3

A Heated Confrontation

Summary: Clementine, Violet and Louis try to figure out how to confront the person they think has been following Brody. But are thrown off when that person ends up confronting them.

Notes: Ch. 12 of Persona AU. Read more here.

Clementine couldn’t believe the news that Brody shared. Someone was following her? Louis, Violet and her quickly agreed to help figure out who it was. Till then the three promised Brody that whenever they could they would walk with her to different locations. It was clear that this was stressing Brody out. Even if it only helped a little bit, the three of them wanted to help her.

“Thanks guys, for always walking with me.” Brody whispered as the four of them walked around campus.

“It’s our pleasure.” Louis did a little bow before continuing his casual stroll.

“Don’t worry, Brody. We’ll find out who’s following you.” Clementine placed a reassuring hand on Brody’s shoulder. Brody gave a thankful smile which disappeared seconds later. She paused for a moment, causing the others to stop as well.

“What’s wrong? Clementine asked with concern.

“Keep walking.” Brody whispered, continuing forward. The others looked at each other before catching up with her. Brody gestured her head towards a student who was sitting at one of the benches by Building O.

“I’m not one hunded percent sure, but I think she might be the one who’s been following me.”

All of them took a quick glance over there. Sitting and reading a book was an Indian girl with a long black braid.

“Shit.” Violet mumbled.

“What is it?” Louis asked, looking over at his friend.

“I ran into her a little while ago.”

“You did?” Louis looked surprised. “What happened?”

“Nothing, I ran into her and apologized, that’s it.”

“Let’s go to the cafeteria. We can talk there.” Clementine suggested, leading the way there. After a few minutes the group had grabbed some food and sat around a table.

“So, what’s the plan?” Louis asked, opening his first of many pudding cups.

“We should report it, right?” Brody looked around anxiously.

“Or we could confront her, tell her to leave Brody alone.” Violet commented, taking a sip from her drink.

“No, if we confront her it may go badly. Who knows what she might do.” Clementine placed a hand under her chin. When she had started college, the most she expected to deal with was classes and maybe a crush. While she had both of those now, it always seemed like something intense forced its way into her and her friends’ lives. What was the right course of action here? She was pulled out of her train of thought by Louis’ voice.

“Shit, she followed us.” The group tried to sneak a look over at where he was gesturing. Sure enough the girl was there, only a few tables away. Brody turned her attention to their table, taking a few deep breaths to deal with this turn of events.

“Maybe Violet is right.” Louis stated. “It looks like she won’t leave Brody alone.”

“We need to calm down.” Clementine stopped when she noticed the girl making her way over. She halted her walk, standing in between Louis and Brody. Both seemed to feel the tension of the situation.

“Can I help you?” Clementine asked, hoping that this wouldn’t turn sour somehow.

“Sorry to bother you. My name is Prisha Chakyar.”

“Why have you been following our friend?” Violet didn't bother to look up from her tray, an expression of annoyance on her face.

Prisha seemed surprised by this before her face returned to being unreadable.

“So you noticed that. I was following her because I was concerned for her safety.”

“My safety?” Brody whispered, looking over at her.

“The company you’re keeping. How much do you really know about them?”

“What are you implying?” Brody looked confused by the statement Prisha had just made.

“I have reason to believe they may have been involved in something dangerous.” Prisha seemed to notice Clementine’s gaze upon her.

This girl…. What is she up to? Clementine felt her body tense.

“That’s a pretty rude thing to say.” Louis tossed aside his first pudding cup, opening another. “After all, you don't even know us.”

“I may not know you personally, but as I stated before I have reason to believe you were involved in something dangerous recently. It had something to do with the Saint John Killers.” The four all froze, hoping that she wouldn’t pick up on their slight change in behavior.

“Why is that?” Clementine asked, praying that it would throw Prisha off though for some reason she doubted it would.

“First of all, during the time that the sheriff and his men had instructed on the news that the campus would be closed, I noticed the three of you sneaking onto campus.”

Shit. So that presence that they had felt when they snuck in… was that her?

“They were helping me.” Louis replied, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. “I had forgotten something on campus and my dad would’ve lost his shit if I didn’t get it back.”

“Really? You couldn’t have waited until the campus was open again?” Prisha raised her eyebrow. She didn’t seem to buy his story. Louis was a horrible liar.

“No, he couldn’t stop fucking talking about it. It was either get it or go insane.” Violet glared at Prisha.

“If that’s all you had, then you don’t need to worry about me. My friends are good people.” Brody exclaimed, trying to calm her heart. This situation was really beginning to wear on her.

“It’s not all I have. The anonymous tips that were sent in - it was reported that the voices were young, around college age.”

“How do you know that?” Brody asked, glancing up at Prisha.

“My father is on the force.”

Shit. Not only was she observant, she also seemed to have some pretty strong connections. How were they going to convince her it wasn’t them? Clementine felt the tension rising around her, but she didn’t let it show on her face.

“But it could’ve been anyone’s voice. We aren’t the only college students on this campus, let alone in the area.” Clementine stated matter of factly.

“It’s true it could’ve been anyone’s voice.” Prisha agreed. “However, it was my third reason that cemented my belief.”

Clementine could tell this conversation was wearing on her friends in different ways. Brody looked like she was trying to hold herself together, Violet looked more and more annoyed with each sentence that Prisha spoke and Louis tried to act chill, but he was nearly choking on his food.

“And what would that be?” Clementine figured if she could shoot down the third one, maybe that would be enough to at least buy them some time.

“The girl that died: Amelia. I noticed that all three of you daily visited her memorial shrine on campus. None of you had a class with her.”

“It’s common decency to mourn the dead.” Louis commented, opening yet another pudding cup.

“It is. However, only you three left flowers and very specific ones at that. The one that stood out the most was the one that you placed.” She looked towards Violet who seemed to be getting near her limit of this conversation. “Always the same one: a purple hyacinth, which represents sorrow and regret.”

Violet slammed her hands on the table, standing up.“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are!” she hissed, glaring at Prisha. “But you don’t get to come here and accuse us of killing Amelia!”

Prisha flinched at Violet’s action, her face filled with shock.“I wasn’t trying to imply that you three were killers. However, the way you acted and mourned for her leads me to believe that you feel somewhat responsible for Amelia’s death. You have some sort of tie to the cases.”

“We don’t have any ties and you have nothing substantial to prove otherwise.” There was a level of coldness to Clementine’s voice.

Prisha seemed annoyed at Clementine’s words. “I will. After all, the proof is in the pudding.” She exclaimed, sticking her finger in Louis’ pudding cup.

“My pudding!” Louis pulled away the cup, looking sadly at it.

Prisha’s face fell with embarrassment before she recentered herself. “All I’m asking is that if you have any information you go to the sheriff and report it. To help ease the grief that the families are dealing with.” With that she turned and left.

Brody let out a shaky breath, leaning back in her chair. Violet slouched down in her seat. Her face was twisted with anger. “I can’t believe this.” Brody whispered. “She really did have a lot against you.”

“Nothing that she could use. Besides, the way we were involved would never hold up as evidence so we should be okay… for now.” Clementine let out a tired sigh. Prisha was really sharp; they had to watch their steps from now on.

“Well, maybe she was just bluffing about stuff.” Louis grumbled, scooping around where Prisha's finger had been, desperately trying to salvage the pudding cup.

“Just get another one!” Violet snapped.

“No! She doesn’t get to ruin my pudding too!” Louis snapped back, tossing some pudding onto the table.

Brody pulled out her laptop, typing furiously before pausing. Her eyes widened. “Holy shit!” She turned around her laptop to face the others. “She wasn’t lying. Her dad is a cop.”

A picture of Prisha smiling with her dad in a police uniform was displayed on the screen.

“Not only that - look at her major.” Louis pointed at the laptop.

“Shit, she’s a law major.” Violet let out an angry groan. “We’re so fucking screwed.”

Clementine looked at the picture of Prisha that stared back at her. How were they going to deal with this?

My honest to god opinion about Larry

I do realize that this is a devastating time for the fandom, yet certain reactions to Félicité’s passing got me thinking. ((This post has nothing to do with that but I might sum up my thoughts on that topic later)).

Let me start with a couple of disclaimers before anyone comes at my throat.

- I’m 23 years old, I’d like to believe I’m a grown ass adult and I rarely concern myself with problems that are not actually mine (I simply don’t have the time ok)

- I DO read (or occasionally write) Larry fanfic for ONE reason: the idea of them as a couple, their dynamic is interesting and appealing and it had a wide audinece. AKA I enjoy the literature.

- there was a time when I was a firm believer of ‘Larry’ but that’s gone now

- also I’m not trying to spread hate, it’s all just my opinion which I’m just as entitled to as you are to yours. If you don’t think the way I do I respect that and we’ll agree to disagree. OK? Cool?

Here’s the TEA ::

1. Larry? Old news.

I don’t think that Harry and Louis are a couple. Tbh I don’t think they’re really friendly anymore even. Why? Because their LACK OF INTERACTION. And for those who will have excuses here’s how I see it. Niall/Harry, Niall/Louis, Liam/Louis had no problem with interacting, going to each other’s shows etc. But all H&L did was awkwardly acknowledge each other’s existence and solo carrier, usually when they’re asked. Yeah they were nice, because neither of them are assholes, but that’s about it. Also, they’re no longer tied to their old management so I highly doubt their lack of interaction comes from a management standpoint. It’s simply not logical. (Also if you really think about it, fans lose their shits when H&L and even mentioned in the same context, what idiot of a management team would not utilize that free promo if they were in fact a couple/friends. This aspect never made sense to me. Let’s be real, show biz is finally(?) realizing that they can market ‘gay’ and it sells. Again, I could write a whole post on that.) So, naturally, their lack of interaction to me clearly indicates that they are not in close proximity to each other. Are they both in London? So am I and millions of other people, it’s simply not substantial enought to count as ecidence.

2. The fandom phenomenon

Is it too late to mention that I’m a psychology major, specializing in fandom mentality and toxic obsessions? Oh well. Here’s my two cents on Larry from a semi(? I’d like to think about myself as a pro but boy I still have years to get there) professional point of view.

Larry shippers are intense, extreme and compulsive. But it’s ok. I’m not here to give anyone that bitter pill of reality and if you want to believe that Larry’s married, living in a cute cottage with a white picket fence, who am I to shatter that picture? Believe it or not, idealization is actually healthy to a certain degree. BUT. The god honest truth is that Larry is a phenomenon created and fueled by obsessive fan behavior and refusal of hard case evidence. I’m sorry to burst a bubble but how many times did they deny Larry? A lot! Even Zayn did in his book (btw who the fuck knew Zayn had a book wow) after cutting all legal ties with 1D. And he was bitter. So if Larry was real, Zayn had the perfect opportunity to expose it. Instead he said that the allegations strained their friendship and it hurt them. Liam said something similar in an Out magazine interview as well (soz I didn’t fact check so feel free to correct me). Why do so many people still believe that Larry is real? Because of the way fans built up their relationship. And here I have to say that I do not exclude the possibility that at some point they might have been more than friends. Boyfriends, fwb, kissed once? Idk. Do I personally believe that any of that happened? No. But it is a possibility. And I see why people would be so hooked on their relationship. But here’s my theory.

You don’t ship Louis and Harry. You ship who you think Louis and Harry are. You ship the idea. Frankly, the fans don’t know them, they only know their public persona, a carefully crafted social construction.

That doesn’t mean that the ‘real’ Harry and the ‘real’ Louis is different from their public persona. It’s more like they’re extentions of each other. Just like you have different personas: who you are with friends, with family, how you behave online or in real life. These personas all build up the personality and they cannot be separated, yet neither is true without the others. (Phew got a little carried away in the shrink bs sorry)

So what fans know is one of their personas (and with celebrities you also have to consider that their public persona is always shaped by the fans’ perception).

In English: fans created Larry and their belief makes it real for them (kinda like in the first season of Supernatural when they hunted a monster that was created by the town’s belief in it)

So for all those reasons, I question the validity of Larry Stylinson. From a completely neutral (well sorta) standpoint it is clear that Louis and Harry are not a couple, but I do see why people want them to be. Honestly, I think this whole thing got a little out of hand and with media outlets like Twitter and Tumblr I doubt it’ll slow down soon. However, the power of the fandom is damn impressive.

And now let me get to why I finally wrote this damn thesis on Larry.

3. What you think is not real

So with Félicité’s passing, the past couple of days I saw people complain about fans taking pictures with Harry on the basis of Larry. Mostly those comments say that fans should respect Harry’s grief and leave him alone. Here’s a couple things to consider (whether or not you believe in Larry)

- Harry is a grown ass adult and if he feels like fans are disrespecting his privacy he will not take pictures with them. It’s his decision and for the love of god don’t treat him like a child that can’t stand up for himself.

- more importantly (and it might hurt, I’m sorry) Harry might not grief Félicité at all. That sounds mean let me explain. Yes, her death is a tragedy, yes it is awful and unjust. But. Unless you had a personal relationship with the person passing it’s not grief, it’s projected sympathy. And that’s all right, it’s natural, and confusing the two is understandable. Here’s a personal example: when my best friend’s mum died I was devastated and sad but I wouldn’t necessarily say I grieved, because I was not in a personal relationship with her. We talked sometimes, we liked each other but that’s it. And I’m not a piece of shit becuase of it. It’s just natural. Same with Harry. I’m pretty damn sure that he feels awful for Fizzy, for Louis, for the situation but that might not be greif. Because it doesn’t affect him personally. So people asking photos of Harry isn’t the same like they’d ask Louis (now that would be outright disrespectful)

Soooooooooooo.

Tbh this is something I wanted to address for a long time but I never had the time or the will to type it. Of course I could be totally wrong, that’s always a possibility. And if you think I’m just talking out of my arse, I respect that.

Actually, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Especially if you believe in Larry.

Please be civil and kind. I’d love to start a conversation.

There are so many more topics I could and would love to address, so I might be back with another lengthy one.

🖤

//footnote: the whole Larry fanfiction thing is a whoooooole another story, but I personally don’t think that shipping and writing/reading fanfiction has anything to do with actually pushing and believing in Larry. A good fanfic I appreciate lol//

IN THE MIDDLE OF A BROKEN CONSTELLATION - PT. 9

Pairing: WonderBat (Wonder Woman x Batman) Rating: T / 14A Universe: N/A - Reader’s Choice Previous Chapter: <- Chapter 8

Whenever Diana was behind the wheel of her car, she somehow felt just as powerful as when she wore her Amazonian girdle. There was something exciting to her about handling her Mercedes that nothing else in her centuries of life could compare to, not even her training mare on Themyscira. She had witnessed the rapid progression of the Industrial Age firsthand and that explosion of technological growth had led her to owning a 2018 Mercedes, cruising through the streets of Gotham City in the early morning, imagining what it would be like to race Clark or Barry with her sleek, modern, manufactured horsepower.

Despite her own godlike strength, Diana knew just how much she enjoyed being imbued with confidence by the lavish things she owned in life. She had worked for decades to afford her car and the wardrobe she owned, after all. Even though her closet hadn’t arrived with the rest of her furniture yesterday, she had stepped into Gotham’s Fashion District late last night and bought for herself a lovely Louis Vuitton ruffle and snap dress in black so that she could get away with wearing her favourite black heels again. It was a secret passion of hers - budgeting her money to spoil herself silly - but she definitely put her all into selecting her fashion the same way she would prepare for any battle.

The proper armour was vital when taking on the any challenge, after all.

That was the mindset she intended to carry into her first day of work at Wayne Tower as she drove into the underground parking lot. There were mostly cars with black and silver bodies filling every floor, but as luck would have it, she managed to find herself situated between a orange Toyota Corolla and a black Mustang with vertical red stripes on the seventh level. Her cherry red machine sat perfectly between them, she noted to herself as she parked, exited and locked her vehicle with a push of a button. The amount of cars already stationed in the lot made her feel as though she was late for her first day, encouraging her to walk as fast as she could without breaking into a sprint while making her way to the elevator.

Though she could have already assumed as much, it was important for her to take note that Wayne Enterprises was never empty and therefore, was likely never officially closed.

Her first day was set to begin at seven a.m., yet she was inside the parking lot’s elevator at six-thirty. It was a swift ride - impatient as the man who owned the building - and she was dropped off at the lobby in three blinks. As soon as the door opened, she was met with the same hustle and bustle she witnessed the day before, except she was expected to blend in with it now.

Diana was careful to follow the unintentional train that was headed towards the above ground elevators she rode in yesterday. There were people on their phones all around her, huddles of employees having what appeared to be incredibly serious conversations, and all she managed to do was keep pace with the heard that was trying to squeeze their way into a single elevator car. The only thing she could do was smile politely to the young girl that was pressed against her as they became incredibly acquainted while she made her way to the thirty fourth floor once again.

It felt never ending, which is why she was all too eager to jump out into the hallway once the elevator reached her stop. She straightened her dress and scurried to the board room she had been in yesterday morning, a bubble of hope rising in her heart that she’d see Bruce again, despite how unlikely that would be.

No, he wasn’t present this time, but it looked as if her entire new team was.

Diana skidded to a halt in the doorway of Board Room C and was genuinely shocked that nearly every seat around the table was taken. The smaller space somehow matched the energy of the busy lobby downstairs and she felt as if she had intruded on a moment of great debate. It was only when she dared to take one step beyond the door frame that she managed to catch Lucius’ attention from the head of the table across the room.

“Ah, Diana!” Now that she was hired, it seemed that she was being promoted to a first name basis. As he rose from his seat to come meet her with an outstretched hand, the twenty or so people that had been talking over one another grew silent and all turned to appraise her at once. She greeted them with the same smile she gave the woman on the elevator before reaching out to take Lucius’ hand. Careful to show respect, she answered him safely with, “Good morning, Mr. Fox.”

She was so happy that she made the call to use his last name, as he did not correct her and ask that she call him Lucius. Instead, he faced the board room and chose to introduce her to the staff himself. “This is our new Community Outreach Specialist, Miss Diana Prince.”

An older gentleman decided to ask a question instead of offering her a quick hello. He raised his hand but spoke before being called on. “Didn’t you fire our old one when he came in an hour ago?” Apparently the speed with which the position was filled was shocking.

Lucius chuckled and abandoned her side, returning to the head of the table at the other end of the room. “Yes, I did, and now we have someone else to fill the position. I know you’re a veteran employee but that’s how the hiring process works, Don.” The obvious tease garnered a few soft giggles from around the table, all while her new boss waved her over to his side. Diana sauntered over to her designated spot across the room, aware of how everyone’s eyes followed her, finding it to be rather invigorating rather than intimidating.

However, the wind was stolen from her chest when a massive stack of papers was instantly tossed towards her and she was forced to catch them so suddenly. Apparently, whatever the team was discussing meant that they were in a rush as Lucius was quick with his words. “Once you fill out the contract, I’m going to be sending you out to Gotham General for your first day, so do you have anything you want to say to the group before we resume?”

“Sure,” was her automatic response as she tried to digest how quickly her day was already moving. When Bruce warned her that she’d be thrown into the frey immediately, he wasn’t kidding. Despite the slight whiplash, she found herself rather excited to begin. The awaiting gazes that she faced showcased the entire team’s anticipation, and if she were honest with herself, she was filled with just as much suspense as they were to see how this new career of hers would pan out.

Unable to wait another second, she grinned and said, “Hello everyone. As Mr. Fox said, my name is Diana Prince and I am very excited to be working with you all. I’m sure I’ll get the hang of this new role eventually, so if you bare with me, I promise to do my best as your new Community Outreach Specialist.”

The room politely clapped for her, and she appreciated it greatly.

Once the moment had passed though, the team returned to the same noise level she had encountered when she walked into the room. The only one who didn’t partake right away was Lucius, who stopped to offer her a few more instructions. “Once you fill that out, you’ll head to the second floor and get your ID badge printed. You can ask the front desk for directions to Gotham General after that. Got it?” It wasn’t a derogatory mark in the slightest - Mr. Lucius Fox was issuing her a challenge as he arched a curious brow her way.

Sequestered in the corner, she didn’t feel at all intimidated or anxious by the tasks laid out for her. It wasn’t at all unlike Wonder Woman to face her ventures with the utmost vitality, and Diana felt that there wasn’t much difference between her superhero persona and who she was without the girdle. Ready and restless, Diana replied, “Got it.”

Gotham General was only the fifth or so hospital she had been to in her life, considering that her wounds healed on their own. She had only ever visited friends who were ill or in labour, and she stayed in specific cities for as long as she could before moving on, so her experience with doctors and nurses was quite limited. Still, it carried the same air as any other one she had been to: uncontrollably busy while feigning a sense of calm. The lighting was the same, the smell that wafted throughout despite the wings she walked between, and the way her heart ached when she saw people laying on gurneys in the hallways without loved ones to sit with them. They were factories of mixed emotions in her eyes, and she could somewhat understand why this role would be a definite challenge.

After flashing her Wayne Foundation badge to the nurses, Diana’s access had allowed her the instructions to reach the rooms used for isolation, as that was where the quarantine of the sludge-infested people were being kept. Despite the time that had passed between the initial infestation and the disappearance of the sludge in the waterways of the city, there had been absolutely no production of a solidified cure and the constant consumption of the isolation rooms was creating trouble for the hospital.

It was her job to meet with the head of the department and assess the situation.

Approaching the nurses’ station in the Isolation Ward, Diana was greeted by a rather serious looking senior woman as soon as she came within five feet of the desk. “Hello,” she spoke as soon as she was spotted, hoping to get the information she needed quickly so as not to bother her any further. “My name is Diana Prince and I am here representing the Wayne Foundation. I was hoping I could speak with Dr. Thompson?”

“She doesn’t work here anymore.” Was the blunt and disinterested reply of the older woman, sounding irritated that Diana dared to ask such an obvious question. It seemed she wasn’t the only one who switched up her position recently.

Unwilling to accept such an answer, Diana was firm but gentle as she pushed for more information. “Then who should I speak to? I’m here to see if we can help you with the quarantine issues you’ve been having.”

“Let me see what I can do.” Groaned the nurse before slowly reaching for the phone, her teeth grinding to further illustrate her irritation.

All Diana could do was sigh softly to herself before she turned around to look at the waiting room and find herself a seat.

Only to spot the only other person she knew who was traipsing around Gotham City with the same bravado as she was. “Clark?”

The glasses he wore to mask his identity nearly leapt off of his face when he looked up to see her. “Diana!” He exclaimed with a range of emotions as he dropped his pen and notepad onto the vacant chair beside him and raced over to her. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here representing the Wayne Foundation.” She replied with a little too much glee, showing off her ID badge as if it was a badge of honour, as if she could prove to him how successful her infiltration mission had turned out so far.

He smiled at her, clearly impressed by her immediate rise to such a high status, and he prepared to open his mouth to tell her how proud he was of her. Or so she assumed, before a woman who looked to be a foot or so shorter than him squeezed in between the two of them without much subtlety and introduced herself. “Hi. Lois Lane, reporter for the Daily Planet.”

Despite the young woman making sure that she had interrupted their conversation, it somehow became Diana’s responsibility to offer her a handshake instead. Clark used his open mouth to play the part of the middle man between them. “Lois, this is Diana Prince, Diana, Lois.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Diana said kindly while putting all of her focus on the death grip that was exchanged between her and the fiery female before her. Despite her stature making her seem leagues smaller than the two of them, the rambunctious, determined energy that rolled off of Lois in waves was so impressive, she genuinely couldn’t look away from her even if she wanted to.

What Diana had mistaken for possible jealousy transformed into calculated willpower as she pulled out her phone and held it out between them. Clearly enunciating her words, Lois began to speak loud enough for her phone’s recording app to catch every word. “Miss Prince, you work for the Wayne Foundation. Is there anything you can tell us about what’s happening here with the victims of the sludge attacks? Is your company planning to invest more into a possible cure? Or provide Gotham General with a way to handle the upkeep of housing them?”

From the look in her eyes, there was clearly an invested fire ignited inside of her. Diana couldn’t tell if she knew someone in Metropolis who was affected by the sludge as well, or if she was simply that empathetic as a reporter, but it was obvious that she couldn’t avoid making some kind of statement and that put her in a dangerous situation given her short time in her new position.

Calmly so as to be mindful of words, Diana explained, “Given that I am quite new to my position, I cannot give you a proper answer at this point in time. I am here to assess the situation with the chief physician, and once we know more, I am sure Wayne Enterprises will be more than happy to provide you with a proper quote.”

Clark looked as if he had been hit with a cool breeze after sweating incessantly. On the other hand, Lois looked rather exasperated. “Sorry,” she showed that she was aware of her demanding behaviour as she removed the phone from her face and returned it to her pocket. “We’ve been sitting here waiting for answers ourselves. Since Gotham was hit first by all of this, we were hoping they might have some answers.” As Lois crossed her arms, Clark took the opportunity to add on, “We were in contact with a Gotham Gazette reporter but we haven’t heard from her since yesterday afternoon. We were hoping to run into her here today.” The pointed gaze he gave Diana showcased the nervousness he felt for whom she could only assume to be Vicki Vale.

“Why here?” Diana asked, wondering why the pair of them hadn’t just headed straight to the Gotham Gazette office if they wished to speak to her.

Lois refused to answer her at first, not until she made sure the coast was clear. Given that they were still standing next to the information desk and the older nurse had turned away from them so she could make her phone call, it was clear that no one was listening. Once she felt secure with their surroundings, she leaned in and informed Diana of their ulterior motive, “Because we might run into Commissioner Gordon here too. His daughter is supposedly one of the people who were infected.”

Gordon… The name sounded familiar to Diana and it took it her a moment too long to realize way, her face remaining blank as she tried to remember why.

Then, she remembered exactly who his daughter was, and what her alias was: Oracle.

The shock was written all over her face the moment it dawned on her. It suddenly made sense why no one had heard from her. It also explained why there was no headway made on a cure: the computer analysis they had relied on Oracle for was left incomplete if she was transformed into a sludge monster like everyone else who came in contact with it--

Diana gasped, her eyes going wide as a terrifying thought struck her like a bolt of the fiercest lightning.

“Hopefully, he will clarify if the rumour is true or not.” Clark offered some reassuring words, implying that this particular lead might be false.

However, it didn’t reach Diana. “Hopefully. If you’ll excuse me? I need make a call to my team.” Without waiting to see if Lois believed her, she turned and left the ward as fast as her feet could carry her. She ripped her phone out of her pocket and pretended to use it before placing it next to her ear, using her thumb to activate her ear piece. “Victor? Is the sludge contained at headquarters?”

“Cyborg here. I was just about to take it out again and--”

Knowing Clark could hear her with his developed sense of hearing from inside the hospital, she demanded both of their attention as she expressed her fears to them. “Don’t. This thing is taking over whoever touches it. Clark thinks that Oracle has been consumed by it. We need a new approach to it because we can’t make contact. I think that’s why we haven’t heard back from Arthur and Barry either. I think they’re… gone.”

((This is getting dramatic really fast! So now we have lost Barbara, Arthur and Barry too!? How can you find a cure for something you can’t study and experiment on? What is the remaining JL going to do? I hope you stick around to see what happens next! ~ Maiden))

While I don't think XF would be Louis' first choice ideally, I think it was the first choice under the circumstances if that makes sense? I think he's now committed for the season and he is using it to his advantage as well as sticking up for and working with contestants. I think he's getting something out of it and we may not know what that is for a while.

Anonymous said: While I don’t love X factor, Louis is doing well on it and mostly seen positively, and I think acknowledging that is better and more realistic than complaining all the time and acting like if we all complain loud enough he will leave the show and immediately release an album

Anonymous said: (½) thanks for your reply to my ask about xf being a one off or not. i have no idea pfc but just like you i was very sceptical at first but i have actually kinda got used to the idea of him being a judge and the idea of him being there for more than one season doesn’t really ’scare’ me anymore. yes there’s the concern about him having to deal with sc obviously but i think he does either way and by doing it in public (even with it being scripted) he has the opportunity to portray himself as the (2/2) wonderful, caring and clever person he actually is. and by having the opportunity to do so while sc is present he can take a clear stand away from the persona sc has been trying to create for him. i’m not saying i love it but i’m trying to see it for what it is and will always support louis and this can in many ways be a ’new’ opportunity for him to introduce himself to the gp as the person he actually is so i won’t break down if he’s doing another season but that’s me i guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anonymous said: I see xfactor as Louis building the foundations of his brand. His name recognition as an individual with the general public is improved and even better is that they see a person and personality with that name, and not just a name and a face. He’s appealing to a big tv audience of adults, teens and kids, even if the ratings isn’t what they used to be. I didn’t like the idea before but i now think there are a lot of positives doing xfactor, even with a delay in the album release. Louis is shining!

sorry for cramming you all together but i don’t want to clog people’s feed! just putting a few more voices out there!

Counting On It

Okay I know no one asked for this, but I wrote a Klaroline fanfiction and I really wanted to share it! I think it if anyone would read it, they would like. So, I’m just going to put it out there and hope that readers like it ...

Okay have at it!

Counting On It

“...Goodbye, Caroline.”

Klaus hung up the phone, wishing he was able to talk to her a little longer. They haven’t spoken in over a decade. He promised her after the glorious day in the woods, when they had to rescue Matt, that he would leave and never come back.

It was hard for him to stay away. He’s never met anyone like Caroline in his a thousand plus years of living and she was always able to capture his attention. She was a challenge and Niklaus Mikaelson never backed down from a challenge.

Their conversation whirled around in his mind, not willing to forget the sweet melodies of her voice just yet. Hearing her on the phone made it harder for him to stay away and standby while she calls Stefan her boyfriend.

It was torture enough to see his Caroline with that miscreant Tyler Lockwood. He was lucky he didn’t take his pathetic life when he had the chance, if it was anyone else, his heart would’ve been out of his chest in seconds. But Klaus knew how much Tyler meant to Caroline, and Stefan apparently meant even more to her.

He truly wasn’t expecting her to call, but of course she was worried about Stefan’s well-being. Caroline cared about people, no matter how terrible they were. Klaus knew that first hand.

Stefan’s phone rang on the bar and it felt like Klaus’ heart stopped when he read Caroline’s name of the screen.

Should I pick up? Would she be disappointed to hear the sound of my voice instead of Stefan’s? Did she miss me like I did her?

Questions and scenarios danced around his head. He knew that it would be that much harder to keep away from the blonde beauty if he heard the voice that has entranced him since he’s met her. But he would regret not picking up the phone. He hated the feeling of regret and guilt, they’ve haunted him his whole life. He knew how to cover it up and appear unaffected, but adding one more regret to his nearly overflowing basket would kill him.

So he picked up.

Klaus: Hello, love.

Caroline: Who is this?

Klaus: Ouch. Has it really been that long?

Caroline: Klaus.

Josie's cries are heard by Klaus over the phone, and he smiles despite himself.

Klaus: I know that sound all too well. You might try picking her up?

Caroline: Just hold on.

Caroline picks Josie up, but she continues crying as Caroline picks up the phone again.

Caroline: How am I talking to you right now? Where's Stefan?

Klaus: By the way, what's your stance on hand-me-downs? We have a chest that was once owned by Louis XV. It's being wasted on my daughter's outgrown onesies. Any interest?

Caroline: One––these babies aren't mine, they're Ric's.

Klaus: Yes, that's been made abundantly clear to me by your boyfriend.

Caroline: Two––I didn't call you. I called Stefan––yes, my boyfriend–– who's currently running for his life while I sit here playing worst case scenario. Except these babies, that aren't mine, won't stop crying, and now, this entire diner hates me. So, if you could refrain from gloating in the face of my misery, that would be very much appreciated.

Klaus: (sighs) Stefan will be fine.

Caroline: How do you know?

Klaus: Because I will ensure it. So, here you are, in college, building a life for yourself…

Caroline: Klaus, I'm not doing this with you.

Klaus: I take it children were not involved in these plans?

Caroline: No, they weren't. Luckily, these aren't mine.

Klaus: (amused) So you've mentioned. You know, my family challenges the bounds of my sanity. They drive me to do unspeakable things; all the while, finding fresh and inventive ways to torture me. But, as it turns out, my family is what makes me truly happy. It's not a crime to love what you cannot explain. I was sorry to hear about your mother, Caroline. I'm sure she would have loved to see you with the little ones.

Josie becomes silent, and Caroline gasps in surprise and relief.

Caroline: Oh, my God. She's finally sleeping.

Klaus: Well, then we mustn't wake her. Goodbye, Caroline.

(phone call from Season 7, episode 14)

Caroline almost wanted to tell him not to leave. She hasn’t heard his husky British accent in so long, but she could never forget him. His voice, lips, and body would forever be ingrained in her mind. She has trained her mind to push all the ‘dirty thoughts’ she had about Klaus, as Elena so subtly put it, to the back of her mind.

She couldn’t think like that again. Sleeping with Klaus already messed up her relationship with Tyler, although she could argue it was done before that. Tyler picked revenge on Klaus over her. All she wanted was him and he was focused on destroying an Original Hybrid. Like that would have any real chance of happening.

Now she had Stefan, someone who actually loved her back and was willing to stay with her even when she had babies that weren’t his. Granted, they weren’t really hers either, or that’s what she kept telling herself. She loved Stefan and didn’t want her relationship––a very strange one––with Klaus.

But even though she kept reminding herself that she hated Klaus and he has done nothing but brought misery and drama to Mystic Falls, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She saw the good in him and knew him on a deeper level than most people did. And that made it harder for her to simply leave him in the past.

Caroline gently swaddled the babies’ heads and left the diner, while trying not to make any movement or sound that would wake up Josie and Lizzie. Somehow they stopped crying and went to sleep, this temporary silence was rare ever since she had the twins and she wasn’t going to take it for granted.

She drove around for thirty minutes until she found a cheap motel to rest for the night. In the morning, they would head back to Mystic Falls and anxiously wait for a word from or about Stefan.

One thing did happen because of the call though. Caroline thought about the phone call with Klaus all night instead of being worried sick about Stefan. But Caroline didn’t necessarily know if that was a good thing or not.

A whole night went by with dreams of a certain blonde vampire that made Klaus wish he never woke up.

After he hung up last night, he held Stefan’s phone in his hand pondering whether he should get Caroline’s new phone number from his cell. He knew he shouldn’t have and she probably wouldn’t be pleased, but it was a known fact that Niklaus Mikaelson struggled with self control and patience. He didn’t know how he went this long after their rendezvous in the woods, but he knew that he couldn’t try to move on now.

His phone sat on his night stand beside his bed, taunting him with Caroline’s number shining on the screen. Her voice still rang in his ear like a choir of angels and desired nothing more than to hear her speak again. He wouldn’t even mind her yelling at him like she almost always did whenever they spoke.

He didn’t mind it though because he knew she was being honest and speaking her mind. Not many people were gutsy enough to take that chance and if they did, their throats would’ve been ripped out. But Klaus appreciated Caroline’s honesty. Yes it hurt, but it was also true.

Klaus stared at the phone for what seemed like hours, wondering if he should call. Would she even pick up? You know what, it doesn’t matter as long as he had the chance to talk to her again.

He picked up his phone and pressed on her contact. Klaus held his breath as he heard the phone ring.

First ring goes by. No answer.

Second ring goes by. Still no answer.

Third ring. Maybe she wasn’t going to pick up! I mean did he really think she would ans––

“Hello,” Caroline spoke gently, her words laced with curiosity. She just laid the twins down for a nap when an unknown phone number popped on her screen. Her heart beat sped up as if it knew who was calling.

“Hello sweetheart. If I’m honest, I thought you weren’t going to pick up,” Klaus breathed into the phone. The corner of his lips upturned a bit when he heard Caroline’s breathy laughs. Unfortunately, he has only heard it a few times but made a vow to make her do it more.

“Then why did you call?” Caroline rolled her eyes, pretty sure it was noticeable in her tone. She was used to their playful banter and didn’t know why she always played into it.

Klaus laughed again, “I just wanted to see how you and the twins were. Is that so hard to believe, love?”

Caroline hoped by now that she was immune to his charms, but even till this day a part of her melted every time he spoke. He had a persona that exuded confidence, radiated power, and oozed sex appeal. Top all that off with a British accent and you had a delicious man sundae right there!

“Yes it is! If you’ve forgotten, I have known you for over a decade Klaus Mikaelson. I’m too smart to be fooled by you,” She said with a sass Klaus hadn’t realized he missed until then.

He doesn’t know how he was able to go ten plus years without her, when all he wanted to do during the phone call is run to where she was staying and make sure she never left his side. Klaus Mikaelson isn’t a patient man, yet he was willing to wait forever for her. She made him a better person. She saw behind the ‘Big Bad Wolf’ façade that he put up to protect himself from constant hurt and betrayal.

“I know you’re not and that’s one of the reasons why I fancied,” Klaus paused and corrected himself, “Fancy you. But since I’m apparently see through, I called because I missed the sound of your voice. It made me realize that I can’t go another ten years without hearing it.”  

Caroline’s breath hitched in her throat. She wasn’t expecting him to say that. A majority of their conversations started off or end up as an argument, going back and forth was their thing. Klaus has hurt her more than many people have, but he’s also said the sweetest things to her.

It was silent over the line and Klaus was beginning to worry that she had left, “You still there, love?”

“Oh, uh, yeah I–I’m still here. Oh, is the offer for the hand-me-downs still on the table? Josie and Lizzie are in desperate need on some onesies and the ones from Louis XV would probably be way better than the ones sold at GAP,” Caroline desperately tried to steer the conversation away from their relationship. That was a road she dreaded going down and tried to avoid it as much as possible.

Klaus chuckled at her pathetic attempt to change the topic, but he went along anyways, giving her a pass only this one time. “Of course, Caroline. I’ll have them sent to Mystic Falls as soon as possible.”

Caroline didn’t hear anything after him laughing. Klaus never really laughed. The only time she could recall him genuinely laughing when he was laughing at her for being melodramatic about Elena taking her prom dress and begging if he could give her a new one.

Looking back at it now, she can’t believe she cared so much about prom and trying to impress everyone. Back then, she was caught up in trivial human conventions and as a vampire with kids, none of that was important anymore.

Drowning in the deep melodious tone of his laugh, Caroline quietly whispered, “I missed that.”

If it weren’t for a vampire’s superhuman hearing, Klaus was sure he wouldn’t have heard those words slip out of her mouth. “What was that, Caroline?”

“Nothing! I didn’t say anything,” Caroline could feel the heat rise to her cheeks and couldn’t believe she actually said that out loud. She admitted that she missed him, or missed some aspect of him. She didn’t like admitting to Klaus how she felt about him, she didn’t even like admitting it to herself.

“Sure, love. If you don’t tell me now, I will call back everyday until you don’t confess. You and I both know how relentless I can be,” promise shined in his voice. A promise they both knew he would keep. The Originals had a thing with their ‘word’. They won’t give it to you unless they plan on keeping it.

“Whatever. You’d just be wasting your time,” Caroline said, brushing off his promise to call her everyday. That’ll only make things more complicated.

“Any moment spent with you is time cherished, not wasted. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Caroline,”  Klaus told her assuringly, then hung up.

True to his word, Klaus phoned Caroline everyday for the past week. Caroline was now back in Mystic Falls with Josie and Lizzie. They were both busy taking care of their children and ensuring everything would be safe for them, but they unconsciously found a way to make time to talk at least once a day. Caroline hated to admit it, but she looked forward to the daily phone calls.

Her heartbeat raced when Klaus called her love or sweetheart, but she also felt a twinge of guilt. Would Stefan be angry with her if he knew? Was she considered selfish because instead of feeling anxious about how Stefan was doing and when he’d be back, she got anxious when Klaus was an hour late from calling at his “usual time”, which was around two in the afternoon. But she couldn’t help it when her pulse picked up whenever she heard her phone go off around that time.

Their conversations were light and every now and then, Klaus would turn up his charms or referenced their time in the woods. That always made her blush and whenever it was brought up, she quickly changed the subject to safer territories. And of course before the end of every phone call, he would ask her what she said and promised to call the next day to find out.

This day wasn’t any different. He called at exactly 2:00 pm and Caroline entered her bedroom just in time to answer the call.

“Klaus,” Caroline greeted. Her voice held a hint of annoyance, but also amusement.

“Caroline,” the smile evident in his voice. “Ready to fess up, sweetheart?”

Caroline scoffed, “Yeah, no. Just get over it already! And don’t you have revenge plan to make with Elijah or something against someone who’s done your family wrong?”

“Actually I do,” Klaus chuckled. “But not now, I have more important things to attend to. All of that can wait until this phone call is over.”

Klaus was serious. He was willing to put the whole world on pause for her if that’s what she wanted. He has shown mercy, kindness, and pity to those who have wronged him because of her. He has given her space and time, over ten years worth of time to be exact. It was all for her.

Caroline knew that he was serious about putting their conversation as a top priority. It’s not the only time he’s done this and in her heart, she knew it wouldn’t be that last. He loved her and talking to him like this made her think he still does. She figured he would move on and when she heard news about getting Hayley pregnant, a small part of her broke. But she had no right to hold him back. She constantly pushed him away and denied their connection and attraction, but he still pursued her.

   Maybe having feelings for Niklaus Mikaelson wasn’t such a bad thing. She didn’t want to cover their connection with hostility. Caroline missed him and she knew he would treat her right. They understood each other and in a lot of ways they were the same, just like Klaus said when she denied the cure.

   Caroline took a deep breath, knowing where her confession would lead. “I said I missed hearing your laugh. You never really do it much, but when you do, I can’t help but get sucked in. I wanted to be the one to make you laugh, to make you smile, but I blew it. I probably gave you more headaches if anything.”

   Klaus smiled at her rambling. He knew what she said all along and just wanted her to be honest about her feelings towards him. She could say all the hurtful things she wanted to keep herself from admitting the truth, but they both knew they had something there. They always had and they most likely always would.

“You make me smile more than you know. And the headaches and your constant denial is one of the many reasons I enjoy you,” Klaus paused when he heard Caroline’s small sigh. “And I know you’re with Stefan, but do you remember what I said the night of your graduation, love?”

How could she ever forget? Those words melted her heart until it was nothing more than mush.

“He’s your first love. I intend to be your last, however long it takes…”  

“Yes, I remember,” She said breathlessly.

“I’ll wait for you Caroline Forbes, however long it takes,” The finality and confidence in his tone let Caroline know that he would wait for her. He would always love her, no matter what was in the way, whether that be a significant other or time itself.

   Caroline took a deep breath, “I’ll be counting on it. Goodbye, Klaus.”

   “Goodbye, Caroline,” Klaus whispered and hung up.  

Enola Holmes Review: Millie Bobby Brown’s Revolution Lacks Revelation

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Sherlock… Mycroft… and Enola! The Holmes siblings—we’re looking for a mind at work! It is easy to insert the names of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous detective and his brother—and their baby sister, Nancy Springer’s relatively recent creation—to the tune of “The Schuyler Sisters” from Hamilton. It’s just the sort of playful, futzing-with-lore vibe given off by Enola Holmes, Netflix’s feminist riff on Doyle’s canon. But unlike Lin-Manuel Miranda’s musical, the Netflix movie won’t stick in your memory beyond the credits. Still, it’s diverting fun with a valuable message for both its Victorian era women and contemporary young adult viewers.

Sixteen-year-old Enola Holmes (Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown) grows up being told that she can do anything that she puts her mind to. And why not? Her sole role model is her mother Eudoria (Helena Bonham Carter), a brilliant artist and cryptographer who knows how to guard secrets with codes and her fists, and who rears Enola in the same interdisciplinary manner. Sequestered away from society in their family’s downtrodden country home with a limited and loyal staff, the two women enjoy their own bubble of safety and learning for learning’s sake.

It’s only when Eudoria disappears on Enola’s birthday, leaving behind a cryptic message, that the bubble pops. In come Enola’s older brothers Sherlock (Henry Cavill) and Mycroft (Sam Claflin), the latter to take her on as his ward and send her to a stultifying finishing school to catch up on all of the ladylike traits she (gasp) never inherited. Instead Enola wants to follow in Sherlock Holmes‘ footsteps, putting their considerable intellects together to locate Eudoria in London, but while the detective is sympathetic to her hurt and fear about their mother’s whereabouts, he does little to help her.

And so Enola is reminded of Eudoria’s seemingly cruel trick in giving her an anagram of a name that spelled backwards means alone. Not that it lasts long since Enola’s escape to London to find her mother soon intersects with the path of Viscount Lord Tewskbury, Marquess of Basilwether (Louis Patridge), and yet another mystery to solve arises with gunmen in pursuit. Try as she might to not get caught up in more intrigue, Enola nonetheless has danger literally stalking her just out of frame for all the times she offers droll asides to the camera.

Director Harry Bradbeer, who helmed almost every single episode of Fleabag, brings that series’ iconic fourth-wall break to Enola’s story, providing the loner girl with the closest thing to friends in an audience she engages with directly. Yet the device isn’t nearly as effective as when Phoebe Waller-Bridge does it, not least because Enola’s asides hardly ever shock. Despite being a fledgling detective, she’s surprisingly candid about her intentions to most everyone she meets, so when she makes eye contact with the camera, she’s rarely imparting new and shocking information or a drastically different read on a situation.

Enola shares her brother’s knack for disguises, shrewdly moving throughout London and the surrounding area in a variety of personas; an especially amusing recurring joke is when she frequently offers to trade outfits with random boys (sneakier than showing her face in a garment shop, and cheaper too). This code-switching across society allows her to convincingly occupy every role from newspaper boy to black-swathed widow, without any of them defining her. Because the real Enola is a patchwork of all of these identities.

While Enola clearly inherited the Holmes family’s wits, she lacks the real-world experience that hones such deductive skills, and winds up reacting just as much as anticipating new contacts and clues. It’s a refreshing change from mysteries in which Sherlock has all the answers, allowing the viewer to follow along with Enola as she explores Eudoria’s network of fellow revolutionary women and their ties to the suffragette movement. Yet once she uncovers signs of a greater conspiracy, Enola begins to wonder at her mother’s capacity for violence in the name of changing the world order.

By adapting the first of Springer’s popular YA novels and combining it with the period-appropriate conflict of women’s suffrage, Enola Holmes makes lofty pronouncements about changing long-established systems to make space for women and people of color. And some of it feels like terribly unsubtle lip service, at least to more cynical audiences, but one exchange stands out: Eudoria’s friend Edith (Susie Wokoma), who runs a tea shop and teaches jiu jitsu to young women on the top floor, challenges Sherlock that his apathy for helping his sister or mother is because the world as-is perfectly suits him—and he has the grace to look abashed.

This movie had the amusing unintentional PR boon of getting sued by the Conan Doyle estate for depicting Sherlock as having (dear me) emotions—a trait that does not exist in the public domain because the stories that did delve into his feelings are still under copyright for a few more years. Yet Cavill’s Sherlock arguably has a pretty limited character arc that could best be described as “begrudgingly affectionate,” while Claflin’s Mycroft is a delightful dandy who gets to sputter a few times but is mostly ineffectual. Both brothers could do with more screen time, but because this is Enola’s coming-of-age story, they are mostly relegated to a few obligatory scenes.

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Enola’s trail doesn’t lead her anywhere near Baker Street, probably because at this point in the story Sherlock is famously a solo detective and couldn’t possibly work with a partner; even his little sister spends the entire film convincing him of her mettle. While one might expect a sly Watson meet-cute by the end of the movie, it would seem that the filmmakers are saving that canonical touchpoint for potential future installments. It certainly would be amusing to see an Enola Holmes franchise in which Sherlock and Watson have cameos as their cases intersect with Enola’s, and in which Mycroft gets to be more of an obstacle to her fledgling career.

It takes the movie a noticeably long time to build to the interesting notion that a world-changing mystery is rooted in a seemingly mundane case. The movie zigzags so much between its two branching plots that by the time it sets up for its big showdown, viewers might feel a little out of step and not fully appreciate the payoff. That’s partly why even though Enola has her very own Captain Marvel “fall three times, get up four” moment, it lacks the emotional punch of Carol Danvers’ win over the patriarchy.

Like a sloppy cypher, Enola Holmes crams a few too many elements into one narrative, jumbling it in parts and lessening its overall effectiveness. But if this is just the first installment, then it is a promising beginning. There will always be a need for stories that carve out spaces in history for people other than white men, and a plucky girl detective who knows her way around a corset and a cryptograph is herself a much-needed role model.

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Enola Holmes is available on Sept. 23 on Netflix.

The post Enola Holmes Review: Millie Bobby Brown’s Revolution Lacks Revelation appeared first on Den of Geek.

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Kiwi Analysis

So, on Friday, me & @captiveharts read the lyrics of this song almost at the same time, and then when we started discussing them, we realized we both had thought the same thing. Yes, we do think it’s a song about stunting, and we do think it’s about a stunt in particular. Not b*bygate, though, but H*ylor (that is probably the stunt lol). And Harry saying this song started as a joke at the Breakfast Show with Nick, made us think this probably started as a “you know, i really need to get this off my chest” thing: it started as a joke meaning that he probably wanted to make fun of her and of her habit of writing about her exes. It was probably just “a bit of a banter,” & then at some point, they must have gone like “you know, this could be good,” & turned into a proper song. But with no further delay, let’s start our analysis.

●     “She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect.”

○     The first line can be a metaphor of how TS started from the bottom as a Miss Nothing & then turned into a pop princess/America’s sweetheart™,

○     The second line can be about how business-woman-alike she always acts. Everyone always says – even if she enjoys acting like a naive little girl – she’s actually really smart (& she knows it).

●     “And all the boys, they were saying they were into it,”

○     where “all the boys” are obviously all the men TS stunted with

    ■     many of whom are surrounded by gay rumours,

    ■     reenacting every single rom-com cliché (no, Tom Hiddleston, I haven’t forgiven you yet for going around with that hideous I <3 TS tank top)

    ■     “Into it” can also be interpreted as a way of accepting a deal, & getting along with it.

●     “Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck.”

○     Does this one really need an explanation?

●     “It’s New York, baby, always jacked up, Whole tunnels, foreign noises always backed up.”

○     Well, NYC plays a big role both in TS’ personal life, and for the whole length of that mess that was H*ylor.

○     The lines Harry & his co-authors wrote seem in fact to mock a bit TS’s Welcome to New York (Walkin’ through a crowd, the village is aglow / Kaleidoscope of a loud, heartbeats under coats)

○     Harry and Taylor are papped several times together in NYC:

   ■     The first time they were spotted together was in Central Park

   ■     Taylor went to 1D’s after party after their concert at the MSG,

   ■     They were both papped again in NYC while leaving their hotels

   ■     They were seen together at the Jingle Ball’s backstage

   ■     And of course there’s the whole super yikes NYE ball drop thing.

●     “When she’s alone, she goes home to a cactus,”

○     This is probably the most “obscure” line in the whole song, but we thought it could mean that she’s basically going home alone, finding nothing but a plant in her empty house. TS likes surrounding herself with people – her “squad”, her countless boyfriends – but at the end of the day, these are mostly stunts. We don’t know which relationships she has are actually real (*cough* Karlie i know you’re real *cough*), but most of them are probably just for the sake of the press and the media.

●     “In a black dress, she’s such an actress,”

○     TS is actually known for wearing a lot of black dresses/outfits 

○     She referred to herself as “the girl in the dress” in Dear John (The girl in the dress cried the whole way home and The girl in the dress wrote you a song).

○     About the actress thing, well:

   ■     TS is literally an actress as well since she played a couple of roles in some movies (Valentine’s Day, The Giver, etc),

   ■     she’s an actress metaphorically because of all of her stunts & the girl next door image she’s built for herself.

○     But with this line, Harry also seems to mock an old TS’s song, Better Than Revenge, where on her turn, she was mocking a girl who had “stolen her boyfriend from her” (She’s not a saint & she’s not what you think / she’s an actress, oh oh / she’s better known for the things that she does / on the mattress, oh oh).

●     “Driving me crazy, but I’m into it, but I’m into it, I’m kinda into it, It’s getting crazy, I think I’m losing it, I think I’m losing it.”

○     Okay, first of all, crazy. Harry repeats it twice in each chorus, & he stresses it when he sings it.

○     Crazy is definitely a word that comes up to everybody’s mind when they think of TS:

   ■     because of the psycho girlfriend image that has been build up around her public persona (there are loads of parodies on Youtube, media have often talked about it)

   ■     and eventually, she has – very smartly – referenced it herself in Shake It Off and especially Blank Space (and in fact she acts like a psychopath in the Blank Space music video, mocking the idea that the GP & the media have of her).

○     But “crazy” is a term she often uses in her own songs as well,

   ■     Picture To Burn (Tell you friends I’m obsessive & crazy, that’s fine, I’ll tell mine that you’re gay),

   ■     I’m Only Me When I’m With You (You drive me crazy half of the time), etc

   ■     She uses it in the initial monologue in the I Knew You Were Trouble music video,

   ■     and she has a whole song called Crazier.

○     The whole “into it” escalation, on the other hand, seems like a young Harry trying to convince himself that this stunt won’t be this bad:

   ■     his managers were probably telling him how a good idea this would be, how his popularity would increase, he must have told himself that he would have survived this, that he’d have managed to appear into her,

   ■     only to realize that no, he wouldnt have been able to do this cause the whole stunt was getting insane, and that H*ylor was the worst thing ever (for both him & Louis), and that’s why he then proceeds to sing “I think I’m losing it”.

●     “I think she said ‘I’m having your baby, it’s not of your business’”.

○     Of course, this is a metaphor. this girl mentioned in this song sounds extremely bossy, and lowkey psycho, and that’s a great description for TS (her public persona, at least).

○     This is TS saying: “I want all the promo I can get, and I don’t care if you hate it. We signed a deal, so now shut your mouth cause I’m getting what I want.” She’s stubborn, she doesn’t think about him anymore, she just wants to help herself and, indeed, she has done that even way after the end of H*ylor, publicly shading Harry, and implying that great part of 1989 (& not only) was written about Harry (and by the way, there have also been rumours, back during H*ylor, that TS was indeed pregnant of Harry).

○    Harry might have also take inspiration from another stunt (*cough cough* b*abygate *cough cough*) for this particular line

●     “She sits beside me like a silhouette, Hard candy dripping on me till my feet are wet.”

○     These are the infamous lines that made people accusing Harry of encouraging pedophily (yikes). First of all, we definitely don’t think Harry was aware of the metaphorical meaning of “hard candy” (I had no idea either), and we actually think that “hard candy” is just the name of a drink, a very girly one btw, that for sure would fit TS’s sweetheart image, and of course it’d make sense since Harry sings that “it’s dripping on him till his feet are wet.” (And btw, there’s also a scene in the Blank Space mv where Taylor eats a hard candy & the camera focuses on her face).

●     “And now she’s all over me,”

○     Well, she was quite literally all over him during H*ylor

○     and she made sure to stay all over him with all the songs she implied were about him.

●     “It’s like I paid for it, it’s like I paid for it, I’m gonna pay for it.”

○     Harry here might refer initially to the whole stunt thing: their relationship is nothing but a fauxmance, it’s literally hiring someone to play his beard.

○     And then, he refers to when the realization of what was going on sank in: he was gonna pay the consequences for this stunt for a long, long time (in fact, he still is since media still ask him about her).

In conclusion, this song seems to us Harry’s reply at all the songs she implied were about him, at all the very obvious attempts of shading him she’s done through the years. But this song, this is not a Style 2.0, it’s not even another Perfect. This is extremely subtle, and one can get the reference only reading carefully into the lyrics. It’s Harry’s way to get back at her, but in a classy way (unlike hers), and by mocking Better Than Revenge, he’s basically saying: “Take this, Taylor. There is nothing I do better than revenge.”

Rolling Stone Breakdown

I read part of the article earlier today before work and I could already tell BS was simmering even before I got home and found out about all the over the top het stuff.  Knowing this ahead of time, I’m going to go ahead and take notes / rant back at the article as I read it.

BS 101: Intro to BS

paragraph 1: wow this person really wanted to be a bad fanfic writer, but they got stuck at Rolling Stone instead

I’m being petty with this, but just use “One Direction” fully if you’re going to go to the trouble of typing out “One D” instead of “1D”

“he became a canvas onto which many of fans pitched their hopes and dreams” because all fans of boybands (i.e. girls) dream about is romance and that’s the only reason they’re fans, ALSO media like Rolling Stone had nothing to do with Harry being a blank canvas for people to project their image of him onto (*sarcasm)

every mention of After, even a vague one, is -5000 points, every time it’s mentioned normally and not as the dangerous misrepresentation of abuse it is, is -5,000,000 points, every time someone crosses the line by a light-year and talks about it directly to Harry is -5,000,000,000 points, I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them

“a song cycle about women and relationships”, *cough*womanizer BS*cough, ALSO the first single Sign of the Times is clear social commentary with no real (read: not forced to fit that interpretation) hint of romance in sight, so...?

“more of a rock sound”, still pretending that 1D’s last 3 albums never existed

Harry wants his music to be “honest”, now where have we heard that before?  Niall, Louis, Zayn with Liam probably soon to follow.  It’s almost like they’ve been held forcibly quiet under a gag order...

I’m trying to figure out how I’m supposed to take the comment that Harry “runs every yellow light” and apply it to his persona, I’m stumped (also, you can’t run a yellow btw)

“the album no one has heard is burning a hole in his iPhone”, chill the fuck out with the italics, I know everyone else has talked about that, but you haven’t even mentioned the secrecy around his album in your article so you have no reason to randomly italicize things

Hiatus

“there was another One D member to vector questions into a charmingly evasive display of band camaraderie”, fuck you and your ever so sly implications that the boys’ closeness was manufactured and that the boys never answering anything interesting had to do with the band rather than interviewers incessantly asking the same vapid questions

“It was in a London studio in late 2014 that Styles first brought up the idea of One Direction taking a break”, as @paynoisbatman already pointed out, this timeline of the hiatus makes no sense with the timing of Zayn “quitting”, also it’s inconsistent with the way the boys denied the first round of hiatus articles in June 2015

just to be clear, they probably DID know about the hiatus ahead of time and they WERE lying when they denied the upcoming hiatus in June, and that also means that there’s no reason Zayn should have jumped the gun so close to the finish line (yay mixed metaphors!), I’m just pointing out the story is inconsistent, so all of these things can’t be true

“If you’re shortsighted, you can think, 'Let’s just keep touring,’ but we all thought too much of the group than to let that happen. You realize you’re exhausted and you don’t want to drain people’s belief in you.” <- This is pure 100% lovely, insightful, well spoken Harry

I’d also like to point out that them first discussing it in 2014 means that Harry’s comment about “we all thought too much of the group” applies to all 5

“I love the band, and would never rule out anything in the future. The band changed my life, gave me everything.” I’d like to point out that they always phrase these quotes to sound like past tense, like the band is broken up as of now, when in reality he’s saying that not only will they come back after the hiatus but that he’s in this band for life

“and not just have it be ‘Here’s a demo I wrote.’”  you have that chance Harry!  Release the finished version of Don’t Let Me Go Harry!

“Every decision I’ve made since I was 16 was made in a democracy.” I feel like someone misspelled “was a rebellion under Simon Cowell and Co’s dictatorship”

Pretentious Character Work or Work on Building Pretentious Character? Ah, got it: Pretentious Work on Building Pretentious Character

“As one of the most well-known 23-year-olds in the world, Styles himself is still largely unknown” not if you’ve actually paid attention over the last 6 years?  I mean yes, always to some extent, but it’s not like this insightful, loving dork is a dark mystery

“He looks at my digital recorder like a barely invited guest.” learn to choose useful metaphors and stop being pretentious

dude, I know you did this on purpose, but you said that “Behind the effervescent stage persona, there is more lore than fact. He likes it that way.” and then put the quote about Prince’s artist draw being his mystery right after, making it seem like he that was his reason for wanting to be mysterious, then you quoted “It’s not about trying to make my career longer, like I’m trying to be this 'mysterious character,’ because I’m not.” which directly contradicts the connection you drew with your words, AKA you knew it was BS and made it seem connected anyway

“The pool cleaner looks perplexed, not quite sharing Styles’ existential joy.” there’s nothing existential about it, it’s just a smile, he’s just being nice to people he passes like a good human being, I’m sorry if you don’t know what that looks like

“It’s obvious that the band has a well-worn frat-house dynamic”, do you actually know what you’re talking about or are you going off of stereotypes? if you’re calling it a “frat” and were in a fraternity, your frat was probably stereotypical anyway

“Styles is, to all, ‘H.’” It’s a fricking nickname that his fricking boybandmates also use, not a commentary on his position as the benign and worshipped leader of the Jamaican band cult frat you apparently think formed

“Pomegranate-scented candles flicker around the room.” this I definitely believe, but did you recognize the pomegranate smell right away or specifically look at a candle to find out what it was?

“It was Styles’ first full immersion into the land of musos” I need that staring into the camera Office gif

Music Ideology

“Most of the stuff that hurts me about what’s going on at the moment is not politics, it’s fundamentals,” Styles says. “Equal rights. For everyone, all races, sexes, everything. …” this is a very interesting thing to randomly bring into a conversation without asking, unlike the rest of the article, this bit aligns with Harry’s rainbows in the pics, at SNL, and out and about with fans

“The song is written from a point of view as if a mother was giving birth to a child and there’s a complication.” No, uh-uh, I like the idea personally , but Harry has said ever since MITAM and maybe before that he likes people to be able to have their own interpretation, he said it in interviews about SOTT recently too, I’m not at all convinced Harry wanted to actually share the official story of what the song means, it flies in the face of his philosophy about song interpretation

“The lyrics are full of details and references – secrets whispered between friends, doomed declarations of love, empty swimming pools – sure to set fans scrambling for the facts behind the mystery.” the fact that you put this right after Ever Since New York is laughable, that is a solid contender for the vaguest lyrics that couldn’t possibly be accurately paired up with details of Harry’s life, but you want people to think it’s about Haylor, don’t you

“I’m happy I found this band and these musicians, where you can be vulnerable enough to put yourself out there.” this one is hard because I can see Harry being grateful for a good group of people to write with, but I also don’t believe the implications that he’s never been vulnerable in his writing before or that he couldn’t be vulnerable with his boyband, both are BS, I’m going to say it’s probably a real quote but with suggestive framing

“The album is a distinct departure from the dance pop that permeates the airwaves.” can people please stop pretending that music hasn’t sounded vaguely 70′s and 80′s-ish for the last 4-5 years?

“It’s different from what you’d expect,” Bhasker says. “It made me realize the Harry [in One D] was kind of the digitized Harry. Almost like a character. I don’t think people know a lot of the sides of him that are on this album.” such. utter. BS.  Fans know Harry.  the general public only doesn’t know him because MEDIA LIKE ROLLING STONE created that “digitized Harry” that’s “like a character”

“Asked if he spends pressure-filled evenings worried about proving credibility to an older crowd, Styles grows animated.” of course he does, sweet child of man that he is, he jumps at the chance to educate heathens like you about the wonderful world of being a decent human being rather than a sexist prick

1D and Zayn

“He’s not a heavy drinker, he says, maybe some tequila on ice or wine with friends after a show, but by the band’s last tour there wasn’t much time even for that.” Oh, ok, we’re still pretending that TMH wasn’t the craziest scheduled tour

“Styles and his phone have a bittersweet, mature relationship – they spend a lot of time apart. He doesn’t Google himself, and checks Twitter infrequently.” ah, but you forgot his lurking on Tumblr

“I mention a few of the verbal Molotov cocktails Zayn Malik has tossed at the band in recent interviews.” print interviews, all print interviews, because you put words in his mouth just like you're doing with Harry

“threading the needle of diplomacy” yeahhhh.... this is all BS, it’s made to sound neutral to make it seem like Harry is only being polite, whether Harry said these words or not, they’re not HIS words

More Pretentiousness

“Styles, born two months before Cobain exited Earth, doesn’t feel tied to any particular genre or era” funny since his 70′s image is being amped up to 11 for his solo debut

“In the car, he’ll just as easily crank up the country music of Keith Whitley as the esoteric blues-and-soul of Shuggie Otis” and now I know where the country bits of MITAM came from, I was wondering

“It’s like – that’s not how it works. I don’t even remember what the question was.” having “It’s quite small” flashbacks

“ ‘Could I get a selfie?’ Styles obliges, and leans over the counter. Click. We exit into the Laurel Canyon evening.” I’m sorry, I can’t stop laughing, but was the onomatopoeia really that necessary?

“River Phoenix,” the man announces, a little sadly. “You ever heard of him? If he hadn’t have passed, I would have said that was you. Talented guy.”  sadness, River Phoenix really was such a talented young man, a very worthwhile person based on the roots of his problems too

The Obligatory Origin Story

They share a silent moment, before Styles walks to his car. He hands me the bag filled with English snacks. “This is for you,” he says. “This was my youth …” “Harry Edward Styles was born in Worcestershire, England” great transition dude, I’m sure that was completely organic

“But in fact, all was not perfection, scored to a cool, retro soundtrack.” but I thought it was!

“His eyes moisten a little, but unlike the young man who wept over an early bout with Internet criticism, a powerful moment in the early One Direction documentary A Year in the Making, Styles tonight knocks back the sentiment.” “look, he’s repressing his emotions, this is progress!”  I wouldn’t make fun of this if he had phrased it as Harry being stronger or no longer caring about what other people think, but saying he “knock[ed] back the sentiment”?

“I’d gone because my mum told me I was good from singing in the car …  but your mum tells you things to make you feel good, so you take it with a pinch of salt.” um... first of all, X-Factor flashbacks, second of all, Harry said that he’d always wanted to audition but had always been too young, so...

“and united the members of One D in a musical shotgun marriage” I’m keeping this imagery, it’s mine, no one can take it away from me now, no takebacksies

Ben Winston Earns His Tag On My Blog

“ ‘Family,’ answers Ben Winston.” who is not Harry’s family

look, I actually think Harry and Niall and maybe the others actually have a friendship with Ben, I can’t understand why, though, when he always participates in BS like this, I will never forgive him for the Livestream of Doom/FOUR Hangout

“There is more chance of me going to Mars next week than there is of Harry having some sort of addiction.” Why are we so focused on Harry not being a drug addict?  He’s not, there aren’t even rumors he is, ok, don’t need to talk about it, moving on.

Styles had just moved out of his family home in Cheshire, an inconvenient three hours north of London. He found a home he liked near the Winstons in Hampstead Heath. wtf? revisionist history much?  forgetting all 5 boys lived in the same complex right after moving to London much?

“ He became a friendly mentor to Styles, though the friendship was soon tested... Styles asked if he could briefly move in with Winston and his wife, Meredith. She agreed,” Winston says, “but only for two weeks.”... For the next 20 months, one of the most desired stars on the planet slept on a small mattress in an attic.” this is not Harry, Harry would not move in for 20 months after asking for 2 weeks, if he did he would make sure it was ok, if he made sure it was ok, you shouldn’t be talking about it and essentially badmouthing him to the press

also, can we talk about “one of the world’s most desired stars” because as we’ve all talked about before, Harry was 17/18 and being hypersexualized in the press and this is not ok

Winston continues the tales from the attic. “So we had this joke. Meri and I would like to see the girls that you would come back with to the house. That was always what we enjoyed, because we’d be in bed like an old couple. We’d have our spot cream on our faces and we’d be in our pajamas and the door would go off. The stairwell was right outside our door, so we’d wait to see if Harry was coming home alone or with people... He wasn’t always alone,” corrects Winston, “but it was exciting seeing the array of A-listers that would come up and sleep in the attic. het BS *yawn* *snore*

The subject today is relationships. While Styles says he still feels like a newcomer to all that, a handful of love affairs have deeply affected him. The images and stolen moments tumble extravagantly through the new songs: And promises are broken like a stitch is … I got splinters in my knuckles crawling 'cross the floor/Couldn’t take you home to mother in a skirt that short/But I think that’s what I like about it … I see you gave him my old T-shirt, more of what was once mine … That black notebook, you sense, is filled with this stuff. het BS *yawn* *snore*, I’m really going to need to hear these songs for myself, they better not have fucked with his material, the consolation about Zayn’s album was that at least the music and lyrics were unquestionably his

More Specific Het!Harry BS

The relationship is a subject he’s famously avoided discussing. “I gotta pee first. This might be a long one,” he says. He rises to head to the bathroom, then adds, “Actually, you can say, 'He went for a pee and never came back.' ”  you think he was being funny, but he really really wasn’t, are you sure he came back?  I don’t think he did, I think everything after the bathroom was utter BS

“When I see photos from that day,” he says, “I think: Relationships are hard, at any age. And adding in that you don’t really understand exactly how it works when you’re 18, trying to navigate all that stuff didn’t make it easier. I mean, you’re a little bit awkward to begin with. You’re on a date with someone you really like. It should be that simple, right? It was a learning experience for sure. But at the heart of it – I just wanted it to be a normal date.” ok, maybe not such BS since he’s as vague and general as you can get in the vast majority of this quote, so he’s saying that when he looks at pictures of himself with Taylor, he thinks how he wanted it to be a normal date with Louis, got it 

yada yada yada, Harry being way nicer than he should have to be about his name being used by someone who abused his reputation for her own gain, par for the course

I like tipping a hat to the time together. You’re celebrating the fact it was powerful and made you feel something, rather than 'this didn’t work out, and that’s bad.’ huh, this seems like subtle shade to me since one of my biggest complaints is how nearly all her songs are negative, put the blame on the guy, and don’t have her taking any responsibility (even if they are fake relationships)

He notes a more recent relationship, possibly over now, but significant for the past few years. (Styles has often been spotted with Kendall Jenner, but he won’t confirm that’s who he’s talking about.) it was made abundantly clear that even if you believe the narrative, Harry and Kendall are not currently together, yeesh!

“She’s a huge part of the album,” says Styles. “Sometimes you want to tip the hat, and sometimes you just want to give them the whole cap …  and hope they know it’s just for them.” mm, nope, still BS, alternatively a quote taken out of context and not about Kendall or even romance at all

Actual Solo Stuff

“Some of the stuff they’re doing in this movie is insane. And it was hard, man, physically really tough, but I love acting. I love playing someone else. I’d sleep really well at night, then get up and continue drowning.” ok, that was clever, good on you Harry

It was the perfect rite of passage for a musician looking to explode the past and launch a future. I thought we agreed that Harry has no issue with his past in a boyband?  can you please remember what you already wrote in your own article

He didn’t feel stifled in One D, he says, as much as interrupted. you bet your ass he did, him and Zayn and Niall, interrupting clueless and/or asshole interviewers all day long (I’m sure Louis and Liam have/will do too, just haven’t had the chance yet)

There are songs from that period he loves, he says, like “Olivia” and “Stockholm Syndrome,” along with the earlier song “Happily.” #confirmed

“But I think it was tough to really delve in and find out who you are as a writer when you’re just kind of dipping your toe each time. We didn’t get the six months to see what kind of shit you can work with. To have time to live with a song, see what you love as a fan, chip at it, hone it and go for that” funny that, sounds like someone forced them into a breakneck schedule and then later made big noises about how their hiatus was because they were so overworked and acted like he had nothing to do with that

Ending

To wind down in Jamaica, Styles and Rowland, the guitarist, began a daily Netflix obsession with sugary romantic comedies. Houseworkers would sometimes leave at night and return the next morning to see Styles blearily removing himself from a long string of rom-coms. He declares himself an expert on Nicholas Sparks, whom he now calls “Nicky Spee.” sounds about right for the guy whose favorite movie is Love Actually

Like the time Styles ended up drunk and wet from the ocean, toasting everybody, wearing a dress he’d traded with someone’s girlfriend. yep, sounds about right

oops, fanfic writer made a full return for this paragraph all in present tense, written by someone else as if Harry’s a fictional character

“I think, as a parent, especially with the band stuff, it was such a roller coaster,” he says. “I feel like they were always thinking, 'OK, this ride could stop at any point and we’re going to have to be there when it does.’ this is the second time he’s brought up roller coasters in his solo interviews, it’s a good description for the thing he’s talking about, but I can’t help but think of Zayn’s old Twitter bio and Anne tweeting that bio not long after March 25th

He grabs his black notebook and turns back for a moment before disappearing down the hallway, into the future. I need the Office gif again

“How am I going to be mysterious,” he asks, only half-joking, “when I’ve been this honest with you?” *sarcasm

What do you think about the way H is portrayed in the media & the way he portrays himself? I feel so put off by it? The more he's praised the less excited I get about his solo stuff, the more H acts robotic the less excited I get about him entirely... Part of me thinks it's bc I'm bitter the others aren't praised as much but the other part of me is truly scared that it's gonna hurt H in the long run... Sorry for the ramblings I just love your POV on stuff, feel free to not answer

this is such a lovely, thoughtful comment! i feel like i’ve been trying to address this in some way since i wrote tmwy; what the heck is it like to be harry styles(TM), and how does he feel about it? in some ways it’s easier to think about harry like that, from within, rather than how i feel about him because..it’s so hard to know what to think? 

and that feels very intentional on his part, and not without good reason. he was so young when the band took off and so much of the band’s early attention centered on him, and his friendship with louis, and this reputation he developed for being some kind of lothario. it must be so weird to recognize that you exist as a person not quite who you are to a huge, huge number of people, and if you can do that - separate yourself from how you appear - then you can take certain steps to changing that appearance. 

in that way, i think harry’s very savvy and intelligent, very good at making the best of his situation; there’s that dave chapelle quote that once you’re famous, you can be infamous, but you can’t be un-famous, so harry figured out how to carve out private spaces for himself by stepping back from social media and even, at most opportunities, from pap attention. 

so on one hand, i feel the same way you do. this poor guy’s been hurt by unrelenting prying into every aspect of his life; can i really begrudge him for wanting some privacy? but, on the other hand, some of his robotic-ness feels...i don’t know, not so much like it’s self-protecting, but like he’s saying whatever you want rather than nothing at all. and that’s where it can get kind of frustrating, because it’s like, i see what you’re doing here, my man! it’s very clever, but i’d prefer he own up to it rather than forcing this impasse where he’s like schrodinger’s cat in this box of public perception. is he what he seems, or does he just want us to think that? 

media attention and his fans portray him much the same way as he portrayed himself in the another man spread; ambiguously sexy, stylish, heir apparent to a big musical legacy, flower child, and so on. i think that’s what bugged me about that spread so much. there’s so many other people in those pictures - literally, another man - where’s harry? 

so maybe it’d shatter the illusion in some way, or maybe - and i write about this possibility all the time - he’s not quite sure what he is when he’s not harry stylesTM, musician, actor, the public face of a guy who never really got the chance to grow up. it’s an unanswerable question, but just by not ever commenting on anything people say about him - not even about dunkirk stuff, or hiatus stuff, or ever really seeming to come out of his bubble - that silence can start to seem disingenuous, for whatever reason. 

i worry about him getting overhyped before anyone has heard any of his music, and harry forced into this deadlock where he doesn’t have the freedom to experiment and grow as a young artist, where it’s impossible to be unaffected and aloof in the face of all that expectation, and sincerely not letting him be unsuccessful by dint of believing in the myth surrounding him. 

i remember thinking that what gemma wrote about him in the another man piece was so interesting, and so sad; she talks about how harry went to the x-factor and never really came home, and all their memories of him became his origin story. it seems a sort of tongue-in-cheek reference to the mythological foundation laid by the x-factor itself, but it also made me wonder whether harry feels that way, too. it’s like everything before the moment you step onto the world’s stage was just build up, and this thing you are in front of the world’s watching eyes is who you really are, and in that, all you are...it must be strange.

and i totally get what you mean about the others, though it’s not anyone’s fault, i don’t think. they all have these ~public personas, and the press has all chosen to deal with them in their own ways, and for the most part they seem happy with it, you know? i think it can just be frustrating to feel like one of them is received with more gravitas than the others, or that one’s accomplishments aren’t as significant, or that any one of them is less successful than the others. i loved what niall’s record label guy said the other day, that as much as ‘this town’ is a bit of a surprise radio hit, it didn’t really need to be; it was enough that people were resonating with it. success is really just what it means to you, but i wish the lads were all treated on more an even keel, too - if only because i love reading about what people outside of our fandom think. 

i love harry. i should’ve started with that - i love harry, and he has one of my favorite voices ever, and he’s written some of my absolute favorite one direction songs. but he’s undoubtedly an enigma. that’s all i can say with any certainty.

The 10 rising stars you should watch for in 2019

Because the Oscar nominations draw close to, the focus will shine on many well-known names. However let’s transfer on and try the up-and-comers in Hollywood to watch on screens in the approaching years. A few of our rising stars already had breakout roles in 2018, together with Thomasin Harcourt McKenzie of “Go away No Hint” and John David Washington of “BlacKkKlansman.” Movie star DNA additionally makes our listing of newbies with Washington, who has downplayed the truth that he’s the offspring of the one and solely Denzel, and Maya Hawke, daughter of Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman. Veteran performers, together with Awkwafina (“Loopy Wealthy Asians”), who’ve been toiling in the trade for years (in her case, as a rapper), are also getting their correct consideration, together with the very freshest-faced of newcomers, similar to 13-year-old Shahadi Wright Joseph. Right here’s who to maintain your eye on now and in the years to come back. Awkwafina Awkwafina in a scene from “Loopy Wealthy Asians.”AP The place you know her from: Her rap albums “Yellow Ranger” and “In Fina We Belief,” as Constance in “Oceans 8” and because the wild and wisecracking greatest good friend Peik Lin in “Loopy Wealthy Asians” The place you’ll see her this 12 months: A secretive new fantasy drama movie known as “Paradise Hills” and a Comedy Central TV sequence known as — what else? — “Awkwafina.” Why she’s a standout: This 29-year-old actress, who was born and raised in New York, has an explosive persona that will have been helped alongside by her bizarre listing of pre-fame jobs: bodega employee and air- conditioning firm worker, amongst them. What she’s recognized for now isn’t promoting sandwiches, however stealing scenes. In “Oceans 8,” she starred alongside Cate Blanchett, Sandra Bullock and Rihanna. Who was everyone speaking about? Awkwafina. In “Loopy Wealthy Asians,” Constance Wu performed the romantic lead. Who did everyone bear in mind? The hilarious greatest good friend, Awkwafina. In 2019, she’s poised to turn into a comedy powerhouse. Ed Oxenbould Ed Oxenbould in “Wildlife.”©IFC Movies/Everett Assortment The place you know him from: Because the grandson in 2015’s “The Go to” and as Carey Mulligan and Jake Gyllenhaal’s emotionally struggling teen son in “Wildlife” The place you’ll see him this 12 months: “Being Gavin,” an Australian movie that additionally stars his dad Jamie Why he’s a standout: Like Lucas Hedges in “Manchester by the Sea” or Nicholas Hoult in “A few Boy,” Oxenbould is a younger actor who excels at listening. For audiences, that quiet contemplation makes the teenager with deep swimming pools for eyes completely transfixing. The 17-year-old Australian confirmed off his chops final 12 months in Paul Dano’s film “Wildlife,” in which he outshone co-stars Mulligan and Gyllenhaal as a son who needed to pave his personal path as his dad and mom’ lives unraveled. He’s one of many youngest actors on our listing, but when this extraordinary first main function is any indication, he has a few years of strolling the crimson carpet to come back. Joe Alwyn WireImage The place you know him from: “Boy Erased,” “Mary Queen of Scots” and Emma Stone’s kinky boy toy in “The Favorite” The place you’ll see him this 12 months: “Harriet,” the brand new Harriet Tubman biopic starring Cynthia Erivo and Janelle Monáe Why he’s a standout: It’s simple to neglect Alwyn is a rattling good actor. That’s as a result of his most cited credit score tends to be his function as Taylor Swift’s boyfriend. However whereas engagement rumors swirl, the good-looking Brit has had a run of supporting roles in main, acclaimed movies — 4 in 2018 alone. With every passing function the 6-foot-2 actor reveals extra persona and sheds some boyishness — typically scandalously. In “The Favorite,” Alwyn, 27, has intercourse scenes with Stone and at one level tells her, “I’ll have you stripped and whipped.” As for what goes on in his life with Swift, whom he started courting in 2017, he refuses to debate it. “I believe we now have been efficiently very personal, and that has now sunk in for folks,” he instructed British Vogue. John David Washington John David Washington starred in “Blackkklansman.”Focus Options The place you know him from: “Monsters and Males,” “Monster,” “The Previous Man & the Gun” with Robert Redford, and as a Colorado police division’s first black officer in “BlacKkKlansman” The place you’ll see him this 12 months: Greater than doubtless on the Oscars Why he’s a standout: In Washington’s quick, however impactful profession, he has carried out the unattainable: He’s made us neglect he’s Denzel Washington’s son. A formidable and completely completely different actor from his pop, 34-year-old Washington began out taking part in soccer. He was even signed by the St. Louis Rams, however quickly determined the pigskin wasn’t for him. “As soon as I tore my Achilles tendon, I knew I couldn’t play once more,” he instructed The Publish final September. “That’s after I transitioned to my first ardour.” His greatest break to this point has been Spike Lee’s “BlacKkKlansman,” which earned him a Golden Globe nod for greatest actor. He might be forging a brand new appearing dynasty: Barrymores, Redgraves, Washingtons. Danielle Macdonald Danielle Macdonald in a scene from “Dumplin.’ “Netflix The place you know her from: As an aspiring rapper in “Patti Cake$,” a Dolly Parton obsessed fan in “Dumplin’,” and the sufferer of an apocalyptic plague in “Hen Field” The place you’ll see her this 12 months: “Paradise Hills” and a Netflix sequence known as “Unbelievable,” additionally starring Toni Collette Why she’s a standout: You’ve most likely seen a number of Macdonald the previous few months. That’s as a result of two of her hottest movies to this point — “Hen Field” and “Dumplin’ ” — have been each launched by Netflix in December. The 27-year-old Australian actress radiates attraction and persona on-screen, when rapping or singing, being humorous or susceptible. Her efficiency in “Patti Cake$” made such an impression, she was supplied the function of Jennifer Aniston’s daughter in “Dumplin’ ” with out having to audition. The function required her to croon with Dolly Parton, however Macdonald, a superb rapper, doesn’t take into account herself historically musical. “I can’t sing. So, you know, it took me a very very long time to get a take that was half respectable,” she instructed Elle. “It wasn’t my first time in a recording sales space, nevertheless it was my first time singing and I needed to sing on set to Dolly Parton.” Thomasin Harcourt McKenzie Thomasin Harcourt McKenzie in “Go away No Hint.”Scott Inexperienced / Bleecker Avenue You might know her from: A pitch-perfect efficiency as the teenager daughter of a traumatized struggle vet (Ben Foster) in the quiet, critically-acclaimed indie “Go away No Hint.” That earned her the breakthrough efficiency award from the Nationwide Board of Evaluation. Or, if you’re a fellow Kiwi, you could know her from earlier TV sequence together with the children’ present “Lucy Lewis Can’t Lose” and the cleaning soap opera “Shortland Avenue.” The place you’ll see her this 12 months: She’ll be throughout in 2019, from the Taika Waititi-directed darkish comedy “Jojo Rabbit,” taking part in a Jewish lady throughout World Struggle II, to “The King,” in which she’ll seem reverse one in every of final 12 months’s up-and-comers, Timothée Chalamet. She’s additionally taking part in a grieving sibling in the upcoming Netflix sequence “Misplaced Ladies,” the true-crime story of a Lengthy Island lady who goes lacking — not like McKenzie, who’ll be ever-more seen. Why she’s a standout: The 18-year-old actress has already proven a knack for delving deep into her roles; she discovered real-life survival abilities together with fire-building and foraging for “Go away No Hint,” which, by the way, was directed by Debra Granik — who found one other up-and-comer by the title of Jennifer Lawrence for her 2010 movie, “Winter’s Bone.” Shahadi Wright Joseph Actor Shahadi Wright Joseph, left, with singer David Aleksander on the American Music Awards in October.UPI You might know her from: Taking part in Little Inez in 2016’s “Hairspray Reside!” — in which she was the youngest solid member — plus Broadway roles in “College of Rock” and “The Lion King.” The place you’ll see her this 12 months: This 12 months, she’s set to revisit “The Lion King” as she voices the younger lion Nala in Disney’s live-action, large finances remake (in which Beyoncé is taking part in the grownup Nala), out in July. She’s additionally starring alongside Lupita Nyong’o in Jordan Peele’s new movie, “Us,” a few vacationing household with some unwelcome guests; its trailer impressively one-ups “Get Out” in creepiness. Why she’s a standout: The effervescent 13-year-old made a televised smash in “Hairspray,” however she was a pint-size showbiz veteran years earlier than that. And she or he’s studying from one of the best: As she instructed Houston Model journal, “Since I’m a musical theater child, most of my inspirations are Broadway actors like, Renée Elise Goldsberry (“Hamilton”), Lin Manuel Miranda (visionary, music and e book author of “Hamilton”) and pop singers like Ariana Grande.” Charlie Plummer Charlie Plummer as John Paul Getty III in “All of the Cash in the World.”©TriStar Footage/Everett Assortment You might know him from: Taking part in John Paul Getty III in 2017’s “All of the Cash in the World,” and garnering heaps of essential reward for his efficiency in the soulful drama “Lean on Pete.” The place you’ll see him this 12 months: He’s at present slated to look in 5 films this 12 months, together with the dystopian drama “Gully” alongside Amber Heard; “Phrases on Lavatory Partitions,” a few schizophrenic teenager; and “Share,” a social-media horror story making its debut very quickly at Sundance Movie Pageant. Why he’s a standout: He might not be a relative of veteran actor Christopher Plummer, however the 19-year-old actor is exhibiting indicators of building as strong a profession as his “All of the Cash” co-star. And he doesn’t shrink back from the powerful stuff: “I’m not somebody who seeks out tales of people who find themselves struggling,” he instructed Interview journal. “I believe they simply type of discover me.” Plus, it’s been famous that he shares a resemblance to the late River Phoenix — by no means a foul factor for a matinee idol on the rise. Maya Hawke Getty Pictures You might know her from: Taking part in Jo March in the PBS miniseries adaptation of “Little Girls” (for which she dropped out of Juilliard drama faculty). The place you’ll see her this 12 months: She’ll play a brand new character named Robin on Season three of Netflix’s “Stranger Issues” and he or she has a task in Quentin Tarantino’s Charles Manson-themed “As soon as Upon a Time in Hollywood.” She’ll additionally work with Marisa Tomei and Liev Schreiber in an adaptation of the best-selling novel “Human Capital.” Why she’s a standout: If you needed to decide a celeb union that might yield a next-generation expertise, sensible cash would have been on Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman. The 20-year-old actress inherited each her dad and mom’ attractiveness, leaning a bit towards Thurman. However regardless of leaving teachers behind, she says she wasn’t ever raised as a movie-star child: “It wasn’t like I used to be dragged round on crimson carpets. They wished me to have a childhood, they wished me to be in faculty,” she instructed the Hollywood Reporter. Lana Condor Lana Condor in a scene from “To All of the Boys I’ve Liked Earlier than.”©Netflix/Everett Assortment You might know her from: Starring in one of many summer season’s hottest exhibits, Netflix’s “To All of the Boys I’ve Liked Earlier than” (and thrilling followers by saying on Jimmy Fallon’s present that she and co-star Noah Centineo positively shared actual chemistry vibes whereas capturing). The place you’ll see her this 12 months: The 21-year-old actress will star in one in every of 2019’s most hotly anticipated thrillers, the Robert Rodriguez-directed and James Cameron-produced CGI extravaganza “Alita: Battle Angel,” and he or she’ll play one of many college students in the Syfy sequence “Lethal Class,” premiering on Jan. 16. Why she’s a standout: Condor, who was born in Vietnam, has been hailed as a outstanding expertise in a 12 months that noticed main strides ahead for Asian illustration in American movie, and hasn’t shied away from speaking about it. Of “To All of the Boys,” she instructed Nylon journal that she was proud “it’s not an Asian rom-com. It’s a rom-com that occurs to have an Asian actress because the lead. It normalizes, as a result of, sadly, that is nonetheless a groundbreaking factor.” Share this: https://nypost.com/2019/01/17/the-10-rising-stars-you-should-watch-for-in-2019/ The post The 10 rising stars you should watch for in 2019 appeared first on My style by Kartia. https://www.kartiavelino.com/2019/01/the-10-rising-stars-you-should-watch-for-in-2019.html

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Netflix's Patriot Act With Hasan Minhaj is distinct, funny, and truly informative

Every week, we pick a new episode of the week. It could be good. It could be bad. It will always be interesting. You can read the archives here. The episode of the week for October 28 through November 3 is “Saudi Arabia,” the second episode of Patriot Act With Hasan Minhaj, streaming now on Netflix.

A few days before the launch of Patriot Act With Hasan Minhaj, Netflix’s latest attempt at a timely news show, the network released a 10-minute video featuring Minhaj and Queer Eye’s Tan France going shopping for an outfit that Minhaj could wear on his new program. The video’s premise and purpose were hardly novel; it was obviously meant to promote two different Netflix shows, and ever since the new Queer Eye debuted, clips of one or all of its stars giving someone a makeover have become fairly common. But it still became an instant hit, with social media lighting up with commentary.

The video’s success speaks directly to just why Minhaj’s new show is so great. It’s not that anything particularly unique happens; rather, it’s the fact that the perspectives of France and Minhaj — who are Pakistani and Indian, respectively — allow for a different kind of discussion.

Within the first minute, they’ve already covered the proper pronunciation of their names (“That’s a brown thing”) and moved on to comparing their skin tones, discussing Western versus South Asian beauty products, and jokingly referring to themselves as the “brown Illuminati.” They display a rapport and specificity that’s missing from enough media that it feels remarkable to find in a silly promotional clip. But it’s exactly that type of specificity that makes Minhaj’s new show worthy of note.

Though he’s not really doing anything that hasn’t been seen before, with Patriot Act, Minhaj has created something that feels fresh and new. Patriot Act is part talk show, part news commentary, part standup set. It’s part timely, part evergreen. And perhaps most strikingly, it seems to have a real shot at success in a streaming landscape that, by default, isn’t super friendly to a weekly news commentary show.

Minhaj defies the constraints that have sunk other streaming talk shows. Cara Howe/Netflix

Netflix’s ongoing foray into the talk show/topical news field has been a mixed success at best. Over the past two years, the streaming network has launched several shows that seem to target the ever-expanding Venn diagram of news commentary and comedy, with Chelsea Handler, Joel McHale, and Michelle Wolf all trying their hand at hosting weekly series. But all three have since been canceled, after seemingly failing to resonate with viewers in the same way that other comics turned news commentators — think Last Week Tonight’s John Oliver, Full Frontal’s Samantha Bee, Late Night’s Seth Meyers, and The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah — all have.

The other talk shows that are currently airing on Netflix, like Norm Macdonald has a Show and My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman, aren’t aiming for the same kind of timeliness, opting instead for a more traditional, less news-oriented approach. But as a result, they too have been relatively low-impact; both received lukewarm receptions upon their debut, beyond a brief controversy surrounding Macdonald’s defense of Roseanne Barr and Louis C.K. while promoting the show.

Patriot Act may just be the one to break out.

Of all of the late-night programs and talk shows currently airing on any network, from broadcast to cable to streaming, Patriot Act takes the best of each to create something that feels unique — and vital. As Minhaj takes the stage without a desk (like Bee does on Full Frontal), his show comes across more as a standup set than a talk show, and his approach of focusing on a single topic for most, if not all, of each episode (like Oliver does on Last Week Tonight) means that Patriot Act is incisive and, importantly, truly informative.

Patriot Act is groundbreaking — and fun. Cara Howe/Netflix

Minhaj is the first Indian-American performer to host a TV news-meets-comedy show, and the fact that he’s breaking ground becomes clear almost as soon as Patriot Act opens. The first episode is about affirmative action, and there’s a certain cosmic irony in how the topic — which inherently advocates for bringing a diverse range of voices into any given conversation, the better to reflect the world around us — is mirrored in the fact that Minhaj is the person leading the discussion.

There’s a specificity to the reference points Minhaj uses — such as a comparing a lota (a small water vessel commonly found in bathrooms in South Asian households) to toilet paper to help build a metaphor about effectiveness — that probably wouldn’t be made by any other talk show host currently on air.

He also addresses issues like anti-black sentiments in Asian immigrant communities, which is a thorny subject that’s rarely (if ever) so explicitly addressed in popular media, and he does it all without making any of his discussion topics seem like the domain of an “other.” The result is a news-comedy-talk show that feels like it can speak to a broader audience; while Minhaj is not trying to tailor what he’s saying for a white audience, he also doesn’t make his specific references inaccessible to anyone who might not immediately understand what he’s talking about. And his approach is only bolstered by Patriot Act’s focus on the wider world rather than on solely American politics.

The second episode of Patriot Act, “Saudi Arabia,” is perhaps the perfect example of how everything comes together, as Minhaj tackles the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi and the questionable-at-best politics of Prince Mohammed bin Salman. The episode approaches America’s relationship to Saudi Arabia from the latter country’s perspective, and Minhaj sharpens the macro into a more micro point as he explains how political turmoil within Saudi Arabia affects his faith as an Indian-American Muslim.

Through it all, Minhaj makes his stance clear, damning the crown prince’s actions as well as the role that many countries, including the US, have played in allowing him to go mostly unchecked. Impressively, the segment remains timely — and no less accurate — as of press time, though the rapidity with which news changes means that may not always be the case, a snag that Patriot Act seems to be counteracting by grounding its segments in sufficient broader historical context.

Later, in a shorter piece toward the end of the episode (that comes closest to replicating the segment-by-segment structure of a typical news show), Minhaj digs into “the Mount Rushmore of shitty Indians,” which includes political figures like far-right political commentator Dinesh D’Souza and former Louisiana Republican Gov. Bobby Jindal. Though their respective right-wing exploits have been thoroughly covered in the media, no one has ever deconstructed their personas the way Minhaj does, as he jokes that on the positive side of things, these “shitty Indians” have set Indian kids free because they set a precedent for being “complete fucking lunatics” instead of adhering to stereotypes about following the rules and studying to become doctors.

It’s also worth noting that, as yet, Patriot Act doesn’t have any bits. The comedic aspect of the show is contained within Minhaj’s delivery rather than coming from side characters or cartoonish graphics. (The graphics that do support what Minhaj is saying are all informational, in a statistic-heavy layout that brings to mind TED talks more than the complementary punchlines often seen on The Daily Show or Last Week Tonight.) Minhaj’s mission is clear: He wants to make sure we’re properly informed, but there’s no need to sacrifice accessibility or humor to get us there.

Thus, the window that Patriot Act opens into contemporary happenings feels singular, and both because of and as a result of that, it has the potential to succeed in a way that Netflix’s other talk shows haven’t. (And given the show’s 32-episode order, it would seem that Netflix is committed to giving it its best chance of doing so.) The only question seems to be how the show will handle timeliness, as the constraints of dissecting the news week to week remain a stumbling block for any show that airs on a streaming network built for bingeing.

And with the way “Saudi Arabia” still strikes home and feels relevant despite the news cycle continuing apace — a function of the episode’s smart framing of the story it’s telling within a bigger picture — Patriot Act may have cracked a difficult code. Ultimately, it may be Minhaj’s broader outlook on the news that saves the show from the timeliness trap. That, and a voice that’s too distinct to be drowned out.

Patriot Act With Hasan Minhaj is streaming now on Netflix. New episodes premiere every Sunday.

Source: https://www.vox.com/tv/2018/11/4/18038954/patriot-act-with-hasan-minhaj-netflix-review-recap

I make no bones about it – I am a fan of the Charlie Parker series by John Connolly. I came to the series exceptionally late, I believe after seeing a tweet about what was, by then, the 13th book in the series A Song of Shadows. Yes – I know – I was that far behind. Clearly being the conscientious and balanced individual that I am (?) I didn’t buy book 13, but I was suitably intrigued by the sound of the series that I went straight to Amazon and purchased book 1 – Every Dead Thing.

Now in another of those ‘what were you doing when you first read this book’ moments, the opening to said book left such a mark on me that I can tell you – 100% no question –  that at the time of reading I was sat on an exercise bike in my front room, trying hard to focus on keeping my legs moving while simultaneously becoming more engrossed in what I was reading, to a point where I could probably have fallen off the bike and not noticed.I will admit it – I didn’t immediately like Charlie Parker. There is much in his character in those early moments that takes time to warm up to, but by the end of the book I was hooked. I read Every Dead Thing in April 2015. By the following April I had read every single book in the Charlie Parker series – all 13 and they are not short books – and was waiting patiently for book 14. I was all blithering idiot (nothing unusual) when my local library won the chance to host an evening with John Connolly as part of his promotional book tour, and duly went along for what was a highly entertaining event, where, after a huge amount of personal motivation to find the balls to actually talk to another human being, the extent of my conversation with him was to say that I loved the book. (I’d managed to read it in a day – it was so good!). In fact A Time Of Torment was the first book I ever ordered as a signed 1st edition (love Gutter Bookshops in Dublin!) quickly followed by pretty much every Charlie Parker book I could lay my hands on. My collection now looks a bit like this …

What does this waffle have to do with The Woman In The Woods? Well – the fact is that I just love this series and each new book (which always feels too long a wait for) is highly prized. So I was delighted when this finally landed in my mailbox and I could sit and read one of my most anticipated and awaited books of 2018. Did it live up to expectation? (you’ll be hoping so after all this build up …) We’ll see in a moment after I’ve shown you what it’s all about.

About the Book

The new thrilling instalment of John Connolly’s popular Charlie Parker series.

It is spring, and the semi-preserved body of a young Jewish woman is discovered buried in the Maine woods. It is clear that she gave birth shortly before her death.

But there is no sign of a baby.

Private detective Charlie Parker is engaged by the lawyer Moxie Castin to shadow the police investigation and find the infant, but Parker is not the only searcher. Someone else is following the trail left by the woman, someone with an interest in more than a missing child, someone prepared to leave bodies in his wake.

And in a house by the woods, a toy telephone begins to ring.

For a young boy is about to receive a call from a dead woman . . .

Ah. Ah-hahahahaha. Oh yes. I loved this book. I’m going to have to say that this is most definitely one of the best yet and completely ticked all the boxes for me. Well – all but one but more on that later. Maybe.

The Woman In The Woods really is the perfect combination of everything I have come to love about this series. The wonderfully complex investigation which provides the basis for each story, one which our dear hero, Charlie Parker, feels often honour bound to partake in, and the presence of the supernatural or otherworldly – not in a Ghostbusters kind of way –  more spiritual in a fighting for your soul and to prevent the damnation of the world and the ending of our entire existence kind of way. In that respect this series is unapologetically biased towards that which cannot be easily explained, and will entertain and disturb, bringing forth both the macabre and mysterious in the most delectable melding of genres – the kind of thing that would happen if Horror and Crime started dating, breeding and having book babies. It is not gratuitous, although possibly still capable of turning your stomach if you are of a delicate disposition. It is, however, quite marvellous.

On a very basic level – as there is always a very basic level in every book – this is the story of a young woman whose body has been discovered buried in the woods in a remote part of northern Maine – hence the title. There is every likelihood there is some connection between the woman and the Jewish faith and so in a fit of conscience, and it doesn’t happen often, Parker’s friend and sometime employer, Moxie Castin, asks Parker to try and identify the woman and what happened to the child she appears to have been carrying just prior to her burial. On a wider level … oh it is so much more than that but I am not going to tell you how much more as the fun in this book is in the reading and gradual reveal of a most complicated and disturbing story. It links in beautifully with the ongoing narrative behind the series and sets Parker against a new and wholly disturbing foe – Quayle.

What I love about these books is the way in which John Connolly weaves such diverse and colourful set of individual threads into what in the end becomes a very rich and beautiful tapestry. There is no doubt about it, these are long books, rich in narrative and deep in terms of language and, on occasion, explanation of history. And yet it never feels as though this is a long journey. If anything it never feels quite long enough. There are so many elements of the story to articulate, so many characters whose lives, at one time or another, seem to intersect with that of Parker and his friends, who inform and redirect the ongoing back story which filters through each preceding and subsequent tale, enriching your understanding of what has gone before and what is yet to come, that you cannot help but find yourself lost within the pages, often for hours at a time. This is a story, much like most of the others, that can be read on its own, but I would question why you would want to as to read them all is to fully understand the beauty of what you are reading.

Parker himself is a very complex character. As I said earlier, I didn’t immediately like him and yet he is someone I have grown increasingly attached too, in literary terms of course, and I am fully invested in his story and his quest to discover his true purpose, as this most surely is a quest. He is flawed, but those flaws make the man, and he will always fight for what is right, no matter the personal risk or cost. His partners in crime, Louis and Angel, are just the perfect antidote to Parker’s occasional melancholy and between them the three possess such a keen sense of humour, sarcastic but astute, that you cannot help but love them. It is largely Louis and Parker in this book, Angel notably absent, which is my only regret (and unticked box) for the book as I do love Angel and I missed his hideous shirts and banter with Louis. His presence is mostly certainly felt in the few scenes in which he appears, his and the Fulci brothers who I am developing a soft spot for too, but with his larger than life persona his absence is also felt and he was greatly missed. Hopefully only a short term departure as I refuse to consider the alternative.

Parker is always given a very dark antagonist to battle and it is no different in this book. I don’t want to say too much about Quayle, but he is English (not British) and despite his vile nature, there are moments of mirth in his interactions with others. They are few but they are there. There is something inherently creepy about this man from the off, and the author excels at making this live upon the page without the character ever having to do anything in particular to make you wince or make your skin crawl. He is not the only person in this book to try to make Parker’s life a living hell, and it is certainly a case of equal opportunities for the sexes in this book, with John Connolly demonstrating that when it comes to exacting pain, the female of the species – whatever species this may be exactly – is most definitely more deadly than the male.

And then – oh that ending. Such promise. Such threat. Such a fantastic way to make me desperate for the next book and no mistake.

Gah. I’m making such a horlicks of this review aren’t I? Well this is for a good reason. I want to tell you how beautiful and lyrical, almost mythical, elements of this book are. There is just something so  – I don’t know – poetic maybe about the way Connolly forms his prose that it is so hard to review a book, refrain from spoilers and say all you want to say to do it justice. I know. I have tried so many times before.

So I will just say this – if you love this series – buy this book. You will not be disappointed. If you haven’t read this series – you could still buy this book – it’s very good and can easily be read in isolation – but you will benefit so much more if you read the whole series in order. In each one you will find a puzzle piece and slowly they will fit together and a gradual picture will emerge. I still don’t know yet what that final image will be, I’m not so sure that it matters, because right now the work in progress is pretty flipping fabulous and I’m loving every moment of it.

If you would like to own your own copy of this wonderful book then you will find it at the following retailers.

Amazon UK ~ Amazon US ~ Kobo ~ Waterstones ~ Goldsboro Books

About the author

John Connolly is author of the Charlie Parker mysteries, The Book of Lost Things, the Samuel Johnson novels for young adults and, with his partner, Jennifer Ridyard, the co-author of the Chronicles of the Invaders. His debut – EVERY DEAD THING – swiftly launched him right into the front rank of thriller writers, and all his subsequent novels have been Sunday Times bestsellers. He was the first non-American writer to win the US Shamus award, and the first Irish writer to be awarded the Edgar by the Mystery Writers of America.

Follow John Connolly on Social media: Website ~ Twitter ~ Facebook

Now if, like me, you are lucky enough to be in the area on Monday 9th April, John Connolly will be appearing at First Monday Crime at London’s City University. First Monday Crime is a monthly gathering for authors, publicists, agents, editors, students, and avid readers of crime fiction. Each month a new panel of authors is lined up to discuss writing, the world of crime, and their latest novels. This month the panel’s line up consists of John Connolly, Stuart Turton (The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle), Rachel Abbott (Come a Little Closer) and Leigh Russell (Class Murder), all overseen by the expert moderation of Barry Forshaw. You can find out more about First Monday Crime and book your place at the panel here.

Review: The Woman In The Woods by John Connolly @jconnollybooks @HodderBooks @1stMondayCrime I make no bones about it - I am a fan of the Charlie Parker series by John Connolly.