#Listen some people HAVE to die
Note
Dear powerful Bex if you had to put your mutuals in the Scream movies who do you think would survive?
HOOO BOY! OKAY! LETS FUCKING GO!!! This is a fantastic ask man, I love this.
So! I think our hot as fuck, big name get that is the shocking first out is @looooooooomis, can't you see her opening a scream movie? Getting that first call, the banter and back and forth, the little chase and that huge, brutal first kill? She would body that shit so hard. I need it. Love you lots Lex.
Next, I think we would see in rather quick secession @gophergal and @lightofthemoonglow get got, one of those fun scenes where the pair are hanging out and are both inexplicably killed, a valiant effort is put forth, but sadly it ain't enough. They get in some good hits tho.
Next still @ace-of-clubs-and-diamonds and @tinymonsterlover fall one after another around the mid-point, something real gruesome and unexpected. The kind of kills that makes the theatre audibly be like "oh my God-"
We get near the final act and lose @loserwitchbitch, RIP K, you will be sorrily missed, a fan fave that people get angry got killed. @visceravalentines gets an unconventional kill! Working at the morgue, dealing with a ton of the fallout from the murders and we get a sick as fuck Ghostface jumpscare from a body bag, how sick would that be? A death truly worthy of such a cool person.
Final act kills is where @darklylucid and @early20sfailingplenty as well as @lordebugington get separated and sliced, moment of silence for the bad fucking bitches we lost. During the reaveal and monologue we lose @mrsaltieri-real who SOMEHOW hasn't run herself through on Ghostface's knife until now, a truly impressive feat. @lucifers-horror-harem also is lost during this time, don't ask me why, it's giving pushed off a roof, a valiant effort that just falls short. @kruegerzkunt gets the last kill after the demasking, so close, but so far.
And who manages to make it out at the very end, I would say @f1nalboys left town and has been lying low since the first kill and managed to squeak through. Leading to the very end where, who is left standing but @lackingspace, @eggsandbeer as well as @therottengirl. Harley would manage to survive because Ghostface didn't double tap, serious stab wound but she makes it. Riri would have gotten away barely to get a hold of the cops, and Kate would just go batshit, rip and tear, no way Ghostie stands a chance by this time of night after all the damage taken. I think whoever Ghostface is at this moment is giving their speech and she just, snaps and tackles em. I am talking a Sam Carpenter stabbing Richie moment.
I love all my moots a ton, this is just in good fun but also man I need a scream movie casted with my moots.
#Listen some people HAVE to die#It's a scream movie#But fr I love you allll#Sorry if I left anyone out#BHF asks#GREAT ASK ANON
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i need to wynnepost. somebody has to
#its crazy how people will assume she is all the tropes she subverts and then ignore her#also how sympathy for circle mages’ indoctrination only lasts until they get old i guess and then fuck them#because its not as if they were ever a terrified child who’d never had anything better than a single templar’s mildest kindness and any kind#of home even if it was the tower#so an orphan kid who had no memory of anything but scurrying between farmsteads and hiding in barns#didnt want to leave. what a shock. you guys dont get the place comfort has in keeping circle mages complicit#so it’s violent and terrible and you never have privacy and your children get murdered and you’re always watched and hated#its also a warm bed and community and a chance to succeed#do you honestly think every kid from fucking THEDAS knows theres anything better out there#that doesnt make the circle good. it makes it horrific that they prey on vulnerable kids to teach them the world hates them#and only the circle is ‘safe’#i just think there should be some sympathy for those kids and what they grow up into#its easy for the player to walk in and say their character would hate the circle and never have listened to the templars#its easy for say an amell or even a surana with a family back home to not fear what they left behind#wynne genuinely thinks without the circle mages would all be murdered and she’ll fight and die protecting her fellow mages#from the right of annulment#yes its a flaw that she goes on to teach others the circle must be tolerated and that is precisely how the circle is perpetuated ove#over generations#but its amazing to me to just act like its her fault#well. this is more tags than i expected it to be
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the statements “catra was an extremely traumatized person who craved love and validation from her abusive mother and used unhealthy coping mechanisms because she wasn't taught how to deal with her own trauma” and “catra abused and tortured everyone around her and committed war crimes with no hesitation, and she did not deserve to be forgiven so easily” can and should coexist.
#saying this because some people still think that spop antis are all “catra needs to DIE she's an IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER”#listen to me a lot of us dislike catra because of the wasted potential#because she COULD have had a good redemption arc she COULD have stayed a complex and interesting character#but the writers decided that it was more important for her to smooch the person she's been abusing her whole life#a lot of us dislike catra because she relate to her and her arc was handled so badly#we don't want her to die we want her to face consequences of her actions and GROW and CHANGE#can you tell i'm a bit snappy today#anyway good morning#we relate to her**#spop critical#spop salt#spop#spop criticism#spop discourse#she ra#anti spop
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I feel like... Perhaps... Arguing that transphobia is defined by murder and that anything other than murder doesn't even matter... May NOT be conducive to fighting for trans rights.
Like... people want the right to exist as they are. They want to have access to hrt and surgeries and prosthetics. People want access to clothes that fit them and reflect how they want to be seen. People want access to medical care (eg. Getting screened and treated for sex-based forms of cancer can be impossible if you have the "wrong" sex listed to receive those tests). People want to be respected and treated well. People want to not be sexually assaulted and beaten and abused. People want to have access to housing and jobs, and the protection to not lose those things for being trans. People want access to shelters for homeless people or survivors of domestic abuse. People want name changes.
Acting like all of those things don't matter because at least they weren't murderered by an individual (and instead die of suicide or state violence, or survive and suffer) isn't okay.
#'hey people are forcibly detransitioning you and raping and beating you and you lost your job and are going to be homeless and#probably die of infection from being stabbed for trying to go to the bathroom. but at least you arent part of a demographic that has a#higher murder victim rate! shhh just ignore that we dont actually have data on the murder rate of your group.'#do ppl like. forget state based violence exists. and that thats most violence minorities face.#idk man im just. mad about people on here acting like youre only oppressed if youre a perisex trans woman who was AMAB.#cause i exist at the intersection of multiple minorities and being told hey u experience violence but at least you wont be murdered by an#individual feels like a slap in the face.#like it doesnt matter if i have to mask my neurodivergent behaviour bc if people see they could assume im on drugs and call the police and#i could potentially be really hurt but not die but hey at least i wont die just be horrifically traumatized by police brutality!#there are millions of people with mental illnesses similar to my own around the world who are institutionalized and forcibly medicated or#living on the streets or dependant on horrifically abusive caregivers#but hey at least they arent being murdered!#like. the way the transphobia discussion on tumblr rn discusses (and doesnt discuss) race and ability and class and health makes me#feel very invisible.#like if people had to choose who to believe about my experiences between listening to me a black/mixed mentally ill maybe disabled (used to#be disabled) hella nd trans nonbinary person#or listen to a white middle class trans woman's take on my experiences that theyd choose her. its such a weird weird microcosm.#its like a monkeys paw like people are finally listening to trans fems and finally recognising the violence they experience and finally#actually caring about them but for some reason decide that in order to do that its necessary to throw every other minority under the bus#like fuck man have you seen how 'anti transandrophobia truthers' discuss race? its NOT okay#we all matter we all are so similar and are part of the same groups and same communities we need to stick together#stop using trans fems as a battering ram to hurt other minorities challenge#cause like. yes its some trans fems. but its mostly NOT?#like its non trans fems telling other non trans fems that they arent oppressed#and even when many trans fems are like what the fuck dude of course other trans ppl matter whats wrong with you#the group of like 80% non trans fems 20% trans fems are like 'hmm if you are defending other trans people you must not really be trans fem'#like. denying trans fems their identity bc they disagree with them?? dude someone doesnt stop being a trans fem cause they recognise#people other than trans fems matter and exist#its just all so WEIRD its a weird little tumblr microcosm#i wanna stress. for those of you who dont have access to other lgbtq+ communities. how much it seems to be primarily a tumblr thing. to
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My crack theory for ATN is that John will use Kiriona to preserve the sun (and the nine houses) by transferring the 'godhood' to her, which is why he didn't resurrect her in a regular body but in an immortal one, also why he's been flaunting her as his heir tower prince yadda yadda, so he can go fuck off and become mortal again and live the rest of his days on earth, frying that bacon Tamsyn talked about.
The tension of the book will either be him failing in doing that or succeeding and now they have the job to turn Kiriona mortal again.
With this also fulfilling the generational ructions she talks about.
If anything, John is crafty, and it'd be foolish of us to think he doesn't have a plan, what that plan is gonna try to achieve is where I fall flat, but we know the first step has been completed: the Tomb is open and Alecto is free (and if we consider those dreams are his actual connection to Alecto, he might've known about Harrow's soul swap and getting her back was also part of the plan).
#listen i love john and i support his wrongs#if i was him and saw the perfect scapegoat out of the most stressful and unfulfilled immortality. i'd take it and run with it#kiriona doesn't love him. and with what we've got so far idk if he loves her. neither of them is much to blame though#they're both in some of the shittiest moments of their lives having lost people they cared more than each other#i think they both care for each other in some level but love is yet to be achieved between them#anyway#alecto the ninth#atn theories#atn speculation#tlt#the locked tomb#john gaius#kiriona gaia#also whatever wedding we get it's gonna be weird af like somebody will be at gunpoint somebody will die
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i have managed to actually do a hobby for the first time in months. yippee
#executive dysfunction and depression are kicking my ass#like severely. i am apathetic about everything and so so tired. things that brought me the most joy are no longer available to me#like. i love you so much you are so important to me but i no longer have the ability to care or do anything about it#things i love the most are behind a glass door that i can't unlock. or break.#sewing and embroidery especially are like. things i very much love and aspire to do but they are SO time and energy consuming#i don't have the patience#i stayed up till 4 am listening to lenka králová's interviews with trans people and it made me a little hopeful#currently transition doesn't really feel possible and i kind of just want to die so. hearing from others who made it was important#i also appreciated the comments#because a lot of them are from cis people. who didn't really know things about trans people but are learning thanks to lenkas channel#and after hearing a bit about our lifes their reaction is usually to applaud the strength we have. to be ourselves#and it's heartwarming to read. that there are people who learn. and can empathise in some way. that not everyone hates us#'you only have one life and no one else is going to live it for you. so you better be yourself' or something along that was in one of them#most of the comments under every video are just people saying how beautiful Lenka looks and yeah. true#i love her
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I just find it mind-boggling that some people will reblog things like “Anakin didn’t care about Rex and his men, he wouldn’t listen to Fives just because he was friends with Palpatine” and then in the next post be gushing over Rexwalker/Rexanidala like???? so you agree. Anakin does care about Rex?
#some people will literally hate on either Anakin or the Jedi council for reasons that explicitly contradict the point of the prequels#and then YOU'RE either toxically positive or condoning abuse for liking all the characters and having a nuanced view of things#the takes I mentioned in the body of this post literally wiped out the fact that Palpatine groomed and manipulated him for Years just so-#-they could say “wow the clones didn’t deserve what that horrible guy Anakin did to them”#me: okay. so you’re saying they didn’t deserve for him to show kindness and friendship and help reinforce the mindset of individuality they#-already had and that the majority of jedi encouraged because they are a group who treasure individuality and have compassion on everyone &#-all things???#Anakin could be a shit person but he wasn’t to the clones and I will die on this hill#“he enslaved them” you’re pinning that on ANAKIN. a literal former slave. not the Republic or the Kaminoans?#he would have 0 reason to enslave them because he knows what that’s like. he’s been through that#why. WHY do people blame Anakin or the Jedi for 100% of everything going wrong instead of Palpatine.#you can blame Anakin for the choices he made and the Jedi Order for the oversights and legalism they started to have during the war#but enslavement of the clones??? not listening to Fives because of Palpatine???#if you want to blame Anakin for the clones being slaves you have to blame the rest of the Jedi too#and we all know how rare it is for ‘Anakin antis’ to also be ‘Jedi order antis’#quotation because there is a certain connotation and generalisation that comes with those phrases these days#I just don’t understand why Anakin is to blame for that specifically. blame him for being angry and violent and obsessive and turning to th#dark side logic+morals be damned to save one person yes but slavery??? he didn’t know about the chips and if he did you bet your ass he-#-would hate them just as much as the slave monitors on Tatooine#anyway#I want to see both sides of the debate i really do because some people have really good points on character motivations etc#but it’s getting ridiculous at this point. I always try to be a calm and positive space but some of y’all’s takes are contradictory bullshi#Fandom salt#swift talks#Swift rambles in the tags#vent#Jedi positive#meta#ish?#jedi positivity
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. . . Dress code color requirement . . . For your guests . . . At your wedding . . . What
#is this a new thing#i am not buying a new outfit for a wedding i dont want to go to and if im forced to the $$ is coming out of the Card Fund#listen i may be a goth but i have no problem toning stuff down for normal people at their events#all my appropriate clothing is black or very dark jewel tones with black accents#and i tone down my makeup to just a red lipstick and black eyeliner instead of going ham. i have never had a problem before.#but i wont be wearing Colors even if i can find something for 20$ at goodwill. die.#im just some dweeb u invited to get more money im not a background prop for your production#my mom says im being a bitch i think im just not going to go. rsvps arent out yet anyway its not like they spent money on my dinner
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zhongli thoughts im bored
i am obsessed with the imagery of him holding a golden fan just below his eyes and gazing over the city
highly proficient in all makeup, cosmetics and accessories, you need to dress up nicely for a fancy occasion he can have you looking like a goddess just give him some time
he sits in the sun a lot, when he had the exuvia he would sit on the tallest mountains and sleep in the sun
Unlike the other archons zhongli is closely attached to the sun, he is like the sun in many ways, he guides people, brightens their lives, plants and life thrive under his care
However the sun is still deadly, those who get too close to him burn up in his presence and those who keep their distance are trapped in the shadow he casts and lose themselves, like the sun in the sky he is meant to shine brightly all by himself
i am obsessed with the imagery of zhongli sitting in a bathtub and all of his draconic features just come out one by one, first his arms turn gold and then come his claws. Next comes the horns on the top of his head as his hair grows longer and longer. Last is the tail which flops over the edge of the tub
He can't sing but he has some talent with instruments, a habit he picked up from being around quizhong, ping and venti for so long, he can work with string instruments best
He will pat your head, he can't help it, if hu tao has her hat off and she makes him smile that hand will be on her head
crazy thought of the liyue gang playing hide and seek, like xiangling, xingqiu, yunjin, xinyan, hutao and chongyun playing this huge game and they run all over the city it becomes a huge affair at one point xiangling is "it" and she can't find anyone but she comes across zhongli sitting in his favorite spot at third round knockout and she's like "sorry to disturb you but have you seen hu tao" and he smiles and is like "well i don't know about the director but i saw a blue haired exorcist up at the terrace he might be around the glaze lilies" and xiangling thanks him and goes to chase chongyun down, zhongli whispers behind him "she's gone" and then 4 of them, xingqiu, yunjin, xinyan and hutao just poke out from behind him (they want to keep hiding behind him but with a smile he shoos them away to play the game properly)
zhongli is painfully popular you can take the man out of the archon but you can't take the archon out of the man
zhongli likes to keep the moon by his side specifically the people who are like the moon; guizhong, venti, xiao, azhdaha, rukkha, ganyu the list goes on and on -perhaps they are naturally drawn together its unclear who gravitates to who but even liyue itself is a beautiful moon he can cling to
zhongli can petrify things with his hands, just lightly brushing his fingertips over anything will encase it in stone and with a short breath it will crumble to dust
mr. workaholic the reason why we never see him at work and always on vacation is because he goes crazy and completes all the paperwork and it scares hutao so she kicks him out (but then he spends all his money so he has to come back the cycle never ends)
as a consultant zhongli takes on many jobs if they hire him from wangsheng he’s quite expensive though ganyu tries her best to direct the qixing away from him but some things are unavoidable and they require his assistance
#zhongli#genshin impact#zhongli headcanons#the liyue hide and seek has been in my mind for like two weeks lol#since he was alive at the time i like to believe he knew one of the moon sisters#maybe that is where this moon affection originated!#give me 3 minutes there is too much sun and moon symbology going on listen listen listen why is zhongli the only one associated with the su#why is everyone close to him associated with the moon even liyue is named after the moon listen listen i think its neat i think its great#hes like batman the moons are his robins and he keeps losing them like they just die and shit#we have lost quite a few moons mister zhongli like i'll knock on wood but i have this terrible feeling you will outlive the other moons too#there are so many moon characters just people whose symbols and themes are all connected to the moon#i have seen the theories to some extent but i can't discuss it#i can only be so delusional#sometimes i wonder if im talking to myself#i mean like that’s okay the void can be welcoming i suppose
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top ten things i didnt think could happen during the aoki/bodyguard segment Aoki Actually Attacks
#snap chats#ignore the fact joon-gi's having the worst time ever ok sacrifices had to be made#GOD FINALLY I GOT THESE STUPID GIFS#the funniest bit is that aoki primarily targeted eri i just didnt wanna show her gettin dogged on twice#like father like son why the fuck do they both have problems with eri ☠️☠️#BUT YEAH NO I DIDNT. I NEVER SAW HIM USE HIS GUN OR ATTACK UNTIL LAST WEEK#AND I NEVER SAW ANYONE ELSE TALK BOUT IT AND WE ALL KEPT JOKIN AOKI NEVER USES THE GUN#BUT NO HE DOES my hypothesis. right.#is that he'll only do these things when he has some bodyguards left#'snap the fuck is that top gif then' LISTEN i had JUST gotten rid of a guard before his turn#idk maybe he needs a buffer turn to use guard order idk#but i kept him alone for a solid ten turns and he just kept using guard order#thing is his goons are so easy to take out with essence of rose typhoon or something similar he's always in need of guards#this fight just goes by so fast you never expect him to use either of these- which what makes his empty gun in the followin scene hilarious#hence. why ive never seen it lmao#i can die happy now. im not crazy. im crazy but im not lying#this was so unnecessary LMAO#genuinely insane i can just upload homegrown y7 gifs and videos... wild...#unrelated to these. ive decided tendo is no longer scary ive got the timing down everyone <- two people died during the tendo fight#LISTEN FOR THE MOST PART I GOT IT I JUST FUMBLED AT THE WORST TIME LMAO its all good#at this point im more afraid of the arminator fight since that shit just hates me and kills my millenium runs more than tendo#ok bye im practicing more before my friend hangs out with me
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there are doctors there are hospitals there are specialists there is medicine there are systems in place so people do not have to suffer and be tortured under their own chronic pain daily and yet. they're all fucking inaccessible to the people who need it most!!! to what I would argue is most disabled people!! I'm so fucking done with the medical system.
#today is an absolutely wretched pain day that makes me want to not be here anymore but guess what!#wasted a whole year trying to convince my doctors I was in significant and disableing pain daily and the best they could do#is tell me to go to PT and to wait 6 months and tell them if it gets better#to prescribe some shit like gabapentin or otc pain meds and write me off#tell me they'll get new X-rays to see if it got worse by the summer#disability exists!! specialists exist! good doctors fucking exist!! somewhere!!! I'm sure!!#but here I sit. in excruciating amounts of pain unable to convince any fucking doctors of anything#and that year I spent pushing myself to the limit is wasted bc at the very end of it all only one guy listened to me#and he said no one in their giant ass facility could diagnose me#so I'm back to square one bc I got a new job which means new insurance and new doctors to try and convince again#I just want to be on disability so i can want to be alive again#I'm so frustrated and in pain constantly#what are people like me who have to work 40hrs to afford to live but don't have any family to rely on supposed to do??#just die? am i supposed to continue to work until im too disabled to move and be profitable unless i get lucky?#bc some fucking doctor finally decides to actually listen???#ive tried ALL THE DAMN TRICKS TOO. telling them a friend has it and thats how i found out. that my previous doctor was looking into it#etc etc#I'm SO done living like this i am exhausted.#and to know that i COULD BE HELPED. RIGHT NOW. is the worst fucking part#these systems are in place so people like me dont have to fucking suffer.#but i cant even do anything about it bc i have a cat.
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remember when i said over a year ago that vegapunk's arc would start revealing even more of sanji's power and potential and how hard that was worrying me? yeah
#i'm clearly talking to myself here since this blog is basically a corner of my brain#but last chapter having sanji deflect a light beam and both kizaru and franky reacting the way they did#and zoro commenting in wano you cannot possibly block a laser... lmao....lmao!#ooooh man i just. feel oda is cooking something for sanji. and since there was a parallel with the wings of the pirate king#in recent chapters (where oda typically shows both sanji and zoro fighting and not just one of them)#just... man. man! man. lol#i know i can't let myself go and talk about all things going through my mind anymore because of. lol guilt and fear of being annoying#but god. that moment stirred something in me. like you're resurrecting a fucking corpse#so i am both scared and excited about next chapters and what this means for sanji#i was saying from DAY ONE of this arc being centered about vegapunk that it would eventually#touch on sanji and this is it. this is happening#if this for some reason isn't it. and oda will for some reason just let this slide or die in the shadows? i won't understand it#because of JUDGE and VEGAPUNK and QUEEN being partners and being linked to vegapunk! like come on. the connection is there#and this laser deflecting thing seems to finally touch on this red thread i've been holding with both my fingers like an insane person#so yeah. lol. listening to a video right now about it and finally. FINALLY i see SOMEONE ELSE point out that#not mentioning judge still is giga weird. so here's hoping. here's hoping#also lol it was very fun to be on reddit and look at so many people being MAD that sanji managed to do that. and that we got a little bit o#mr prince vibes. LMAO STAY MAD. my boy is being treated good right now and i can't wait for oda to destroy me#(again) lol#GG rambles
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A couple comments on Candor going like:
“Doesnt this mean he could have escaped the entire time??”
Or
“So none of it mattered”
Or
“He didn’t have to go through all that”
THATS THE POINTTTTTTTT!!!!!
#candor fic#some of yall bitches would rather die or go through hell and back than love yourselves!! thats the point thats the POINT!!!!!!!!!#the pain and misery you jump headfirst into just because its routine and easier than having to forgive yourself for being you!!!!#the fact that you perpetuate cycles of self harm and abuse!!! because its all you know!!!! and having to learn to break that cycle because—#no one else can do it for you!!!!#self hatred is the epitome of irrationality of COURSE it was the pretty option of COURSE it could have been avoided#but you can tell someone who beats themselves up all the time that theyre fucking stupid but you KNOW they arent listening to SHIT#thats the POINTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!#*screeches at the top of my lungs*#okay. im good now 😤#im totally down for people to interpret my works however but my god is it a struggle when someone literally explains the main theme without-#understanding it#and rather than not commenting something else they take that misunderstanding and speak of it like its a flaw in the actual work#delete later
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and J and T 👀
J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)
OK so you know these guys
Tim and Moby from Brainpop. I didn't know they had a fandom until I saw someone making a dating sim and there was a good amount of people hyped and i was like
Wait
Yeah! HELL yeah!!
I get it now. I wonder how that fandom is doing. Hope they're well.
T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?
Not really strong headcanons 🤔 maybe it is actually
Hmmmmm
- wwx is close to jiang siblings but still only adopted into the clan (despite everything jfm wanted)
- lsz is not adopted by lwj, just taken in to be adopted into the clan
Anything that's approximately those kind of cases, I have the same ideas about
WAIT JUST KIDDING
I HAVE ONE
I cannot believe at all
That nmj didn't die a virgin. In Canon. I badly want him to be a virgin and not only that. The type that never learned because he wasn't told to do it and by the time the elders wanted him to marry and reproduce, he has too much of a backlog with nhs to focus on that. He'll do it after nhs becomes independent
This one
Come on. Please. Someone who became sect leader young and in an environment like the nie clan? Duty must be at his core. Also it's funny. Nmj learn sex Ed with nhs. I'm saying a lot of words but saying nothing. But you gotta hear me. Call it too much projection but when you're the first born son, right? AND the heir to the sect? AND an older brother. You've got all these roles to fulfill. And then you're now upgraded to SECT LEADER? HELP-- now you've got like 600 new main quests added and they're all time bound. Like no way there's nobody trying to usurp a wholeass child. So he gotta stop all these crackass adults from finessing him while running a sect finances, social instability, political instability. He's got a baby brother at home. He himself has to develop for like 5 different roles too and uphold sect image and keep relations with other sects. It's like taking a college entrance exam in 5th grade suddenly.
I'm not able to explain what I mean. But you feel the vibes?
Ehhhh I'm lying I don't have any die hard headcanons. I don't think so. This is the strongest one tho.
#some words#im not neutral i swear i just cant make up my mind#i say i dont have strong headcanons but the top 2 im with strongly#i wont say anymore im not trying to get cancelled over 'what is incest' discourse again HAH#man i love talking thank you#nmj is my doll. i love shoving things into him. life experiences#girls look at this 2 meter tall ox of a man and go 'literally me'#bruh when i was supposed to be taking sex ed i was being prepped how to prevent the government from seizing our assets#how is learning safe sex gonna help me raise a pre-existing child?#how about i dont pay attention and just never have sex. thats one less task from my task list#and then my brothers highschool required a guardian to give the talk.#i told him he'd die if he had sex but its natural to want so he can think about it instead of gaming for entertainment#see i didnt listen. i was busy ok. so the only thing i caught on was the fact that STDs exist and something about people dying#i genuinely thought people were risking death for sex and thats why its considered sacred#and before that i thought you could only have sex once in your life and it was a soul binding ritual thats why they say no sex before marry
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hey so. childhood friend of mine commited suicide late july and his dad’s trying to fund the money for his funeral service - if people have the money to donate please do the service is in 3 days (august 5th) and he’s very close to the goal but otherwise it’d mean a lot if people spread the link around -> https://gofund.me/f04d9bf0
#gofundme#suicide#donations#idk what else I would tag this with but. yeah#sorry to the people that're gonna get jumpscared by a blocked tag I just felt liek this was important to share#he was like. the one irl friend I had consistently that never bullied me because we were both so different from everyone else#we fell out of touch but I always talk about him fondly and then my mom told me this morning and just. god#I'm really glad I'm gonna have a lot of support and love this month I already know that but what a way to start it huh.#I hope everyone's doing okay. if you're in a hard place right now take this as a sign to do something nice for yourself#talk to a friend go buy some chocolate listen to your favorite song anything#and if it feels like nothing's making you happy#please trust me when I say it will some day#I know everyone says that I know but I've been there I've been through some horrible fucking shit#like anime anti-hero/rival/love interest-to-die levels of trauma#trust me. trust. me.#it will get better. wake up another day. this too shall pass#sorry for the ramble I just feel Very Strongly about this
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#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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