#It's really hard for me to not include roman angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

delimeful · 3 years

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you cant go back (2)

warnings: fear, miscommunication, guilt, mentions of theoretical gore/injury, dehumanization, referring to a person as 'it', general angst

For the fourth day in a row, Lady Macbeth had spurned him.

Roman frowned, pulling the strap of his messenger bag over his head and tossing it over the back of a kitchen chair.

Lady was old, smug, and occasionally very cranky, but she wasn’t deaf like Ophelia-- she always came prancing over once she heard his keys rattling in the lock, delighted at the opportunity to smear cat hair all over his pants and get her claws stuck in his shoelaces.

Yet here he stood, catless.

For the past few days, too, she hadn’t been in the house at all when he got home. He’d been downright worried that first day, uneasy until she strolled back in at dusk.

They had an expansive backyard that their younger cats took delight in frolicking in, but their second-oldest cat was a rare visitor to the outdoors. Lady was first and foremost a homebody, and she preferred a warm body to sit on. Their squishy heat-generating human bodies were the only reason she hadn’t assassinated them all in their sleep by now, according to--

Roman cut the thought off sharply, feeling familiar grief pit up in his throat. He shook his head, the motion harsh enough to make his neck twinge. There was no time for standing about and pondering! He had a cat to locate!

A determined jut to his chin, he grabbed what supplies he would need for this perilous journey-- cat treats, a catnip toy, even a tempting cardboard box-- and strode confidently out the backdoor.

For the next half-hour, he wandered around the acres of their property, greeting each of the goats and chickens by name as he checked all the most common cat hidey-holes.

He’d almost given up by the time he stumbled across the old barn, pant legs covered in burrs and the beginnings of a sunburn across the back of his neck. Whatever delightful cat secrets Lady was so busy with, surely he could discover them when it wasn’t the middle of summer.

Just before he could turn around, though, he noticed that one of the doors was just slightly ajar.

Roman felt his brow gradually scrunch up the longer he stared at it. It had been locked up after the last of the old supplies had been moved from it, hadn’t it? The last big storm had proved it wasn’t weather-worthy, his dad had plans to take it apart for timber, ones that had seemingly been forgotten after… afterwards.

Petty inconveniences of getting there forgotten, Roman crept closer on light feet, grip tight on the catnip mouse in his hand. The wind died down at an eerily perfect moment, and he strained to hear beyond those old wooden walls.

Not everything is a grand conspiracy, a voice in his head reminded him, sounding suspiciously similar to Specs, it could simply be someone without housing that took the opportunity for shelter provided by the abandoned barn.

Roman sidled halfway through the ajar door, and froze at the sight of an upright humanoid figure only a few meters away. Something about it wasn't right, instantly putting him on edge. He kept staring, waiting for his eyes to adjust.

(“I’m telling you, these lights were strange even by my standards! Almost… alien.” An unsettling grin that was a beat late.)

The figure’s head was dropped forward, but he could tell even from this distance that it wasn’t human, with shiny purple-grey segmented skin and legs with knees facing the wrong way. It had spiky shoulder joints, but its arms seemed to be tucked behind it.

(Roman had shoved him off the couch, sour about being taken in by one of his tales, and he hadn’t brought it up again.)

Most alarming of all, there were four long, spindly limbs stretched out into the air behind it, seemingly spawning from its back. The legs were spider-like in nature, but shiny instead of hairy, and each one ended in a sharp point. As he watched, he could see the limbs shifting slowly, pairs of them lifting and falling in odd synchrony with the creature’s slow breathing.

(Roman had been freaked out, and his brother had dropped the subject. He should’ve asked, he should have known something was wrong--)

“Miaow.” A plaintive voice called, nearly startling Roman out of his skin.

He tore his gaze away from the (alien) mystery intruder, and felt his jaw drop as he took in Lady Macbeth’s current position. Loafing on the feet of an insidious intruder?!

For shame, he mouthed silently at her.

Lady blinked slowly and continued to purr, unbothered by his accusatory stare. One of those spider limbs shifted again, making Roman swallow nervously. He really didn’t want to see what sort of automatic reaction an extraterrestrial’s stabby-arms would have to finding a cat in its space.

He waved the catnip mouse enticingly. Lady gave him the bland look of a cat who had preferred those expensive feather toys for as long as he had known her. Roman resisted the urge to facepalm.

The insanely dangerous method it was, then.

Putting all his sneaking skills to use, he sidled further into the barn, dropping into a crouch and beginning to creep across the dirt floor as slowly as possible. Each step was carefully placed, almost entirely silent, and whenever those freaky appendages twitched, he froze in place for a full thirty seconds.

The alien’s head remained lax (asleep?) as he drew closer, but Lady refused to entertain his desperate motions for her to leave her ill-chosen bed. At this rate, he’d have to pick her up off of it, and hope that she didn’t complain too much on the way out.

He shifted his weight forwards, and suddenly all four of the arms were still, almost taut in the air. Only a couple feet away, the alien’s head bobbed slightly. His time was up.

Clenching his teeth, Roman made a gamble.

He tossed the little mouse toy directly at the space above the alien’s head and dove for Lady.

There was a whistle, like a whip or an arrow sliding through the air, and Roman made the mistake of glancing up as soon as he had his hands securely around Lady’s body.

All four of the spider limbs had jabbed into the same point, skewering the toy from several different angles. The alien was certainly awake now, and it had four times as many eyes as any one person could reasonably need. Between one heartbeat and the next, those huge dark irises went from staring at the poor mutilated toy to staring at Roman.

Terror shot through him and he gave up on subtlety, throwing himself back as hard as he could and hoping that he made it out of range.

He landed on his back with a whomp that knocked the wind out of him, and flinched as that terrifying whistling sound split the air again, ending in a muted thump. He was so wired with adrenaline that he couldn’t tell if he’d been hit or not. Locked in his arms, Lady writhed and complained loudly.

“Not going anywhere,” Roman wheezed, “you little fiend, con-- consorting with the enemy.”

There were several more whistle-thumps, which was either very good or very bad for him. He rolled to his side, pushing himself up on an elbow and taking stock of himself, braced for the worst.

The alien was still standing there against the central support beam of the barn. Half a foot from Roman’s leg, it's very sharp extra arms had left holes pierced in the hard-packed dirt of the barn’s floor.

“But no holes in me,” Roman cheered weakly, and then shifted Lady to the crook of one arm and flipped the alien off. “Nice try, Space Invader.”

The alien made a deep clicking rumble, but stopped trying to impale him. Instead, it moved to hold all those limbs high up in the air menacingly, ready to stab down at any point. The remains of the toy mouse sat near its feet, cotton innards spilling everywhere like a grim warning.

Roman got to his own feet, wincing at the feeling of Lady’s claws poking into his ribs as she attempted to kick her way to freedom. He took a moment to stare once he was back upright.

The alien’s skin plates had gone completely pitch-black, only the slightest hints of purple between the plates to prove that there’d ever been any color to it at all. Roman was abruptly glad that he hadn’t encountered it in the dark of night.

Its eyes were just as dark, with only the slightest difference in shades of black to indicate the difference between iris and sclera. Despite his artistic eye for color differences, even Roman couldn’t tell where its pupils were. If it even had pupils.

It also was still stuck in one place, despite its legs seeming totally operational. Roman slowly shuffled to the side of it, making sure to keep a few good steps clear of stabbing range, and found that it did in fact have normal arms and hands.

Well. Mostly normal. There were five fingers, but they were all way too long and ended in thick, claw-like points. He thought they also maybe had one or two too many joints.

More to the point, the alien couldn’t do anything with these arms because they were bound together at the wrists and tied tightly to the central support beam of the barn. It was stuck there, and going by the aggressive rumbling it was doing, it knew it.

Roman pulled out his phone and managed to take a shaky video of the alien, circling around it to both get a better angle and prompt it to threateningly twitch those back limbs some more. He knew his sci fi tropes, including the one where the alien mysteriously disappears the moment the plucky protagonist tries to tell anyone about the danger. He wasn’t going to be called crazy again.

Once he was content with the amount of evidence he had, he made the trek back to the house at a near-sprint, the cat in his arms protesting all the way. He burst through the back door, letting the screen fall shut behind him, and finally allowed Lady to walk on the power of her own four paws. She beelined for the screen door, stood up on her hind legs, and rattled it expectantly.

“Absolutely not,” Roman told her firmly, nudging her away. “I don’t know what it is with you and courting death via Xenomorph, but you are henceforth banned from the outdoors.”

If angry little kitty looks could kill, Roman would be as dead as King Duncan.

Shaking his head, he went over to the ancient landline phone in their kitchen, lifted the phone from its cradle, and paused.

Who was he going to call?

He’d had some half-conceived notion of calling his parents, or that infuriating police officer, or even just 911. What would he even say? ‘Hello operator, my emergency is that I have an alien in my barn, I promise this isn’t a prank’? Even the dial tone wouldn’t believe that.

And what if they did get someone out here to verify that there was a real alien? There was little doubt in his mind that law enforcement and then the government would quickly step in, whisking the evil version of E.T. away into some distant Area 51 lab. Roman would never see it-- or get any answers from it-- ever again.

He hung the phone up with a solid click, and turned to face the kitchen.

If he was going to interrogate a hostile alien, he needed to arm himself.

---

Shockingly, when he returned to the barn, the alien was still there.

He had crept up quietly again, hoping to catch it unawares, but this time it had been staring unerringly at him from the moment he peeked through the door, those smaller, rounder eyes wide open under its main ones.

He pushed the door open further with a dramatic flourish, pretending like he hadn’t been sneaking at all.

“Alien scourge,” Roman greeted, wincing at the crack in his voice. He cleared his throat, ignoring the way the alien’s dark gaze sent chills down his spine. “I don’t know how you ended up here, but I do know that you’re going to give me the information that I need.”

He pointed the end of his weapon of choice for emphasis, and the alien recoiled with a hiss, quickly jabbing out at it with those back arms.

Just as he’d hoped, however, putting vegetable oil on the already-slick plastic handle of the kitchen broom had made it basically impossible for those single-pronged limbs to stab or grab it. He grinned triumphantly, poking the alien with the end of it. The playing field had officially been evened.

“Now, unless you want me to introduce you to the Earth concept of piñatas, you better tell me what you’re here for.”

The alien was entirely silent, watching him with those shiny, pitch-black eyes. Behind it, its spider arms were vibrating with tension, probably in preparation to stab out the moment he slipped up.

“I’m serious,” Roman warned, poking it a little harder and getting exactly nothing for his efforts, not even a glare. “I know what I saw that night, and there’s no way it’s a coincidence that now you’re here. It was an abduction."

He paused for effect, and the alien let out a series of clicks and low, warped sounds that sounded like meaningless nonsense.

"I don't speak alien." Roman frowned. "Tell me what happened. Why were you-- or, your-- your brethren or your shipmates or whatever, why were they taking people? Where did they take them?”

The alien made what sounded like the same exact series of noises. Roman groaned in frustration.

“In-- In English! You understand what I’m saying, don’t you? If aliens are real and have the technology to infiltrate Earth without being detected, they have to have some way of communicating! An insta-translator or telepathy or math nonsense or something!” He threw his arms out in frustration, making the alien twitch.

He paced back and forth for a moment, before coming to a stop in front of the alien again and leveling it with an accusatory stare. “You’re faking it. I don’t believe that you can’t understand me.”

The alien just kept staring at him, flat plates where its mouth should have been, not a single expression visible on its face. It was about as convinced by Roman’s argument as everyone else in his life, which was to say, not at all. He felt a surge of white-hot anger, and levered the broom at its neck threateningly.

“Tell me, right now!” he demanded, stinging tears building up at the corner of his eyes. “Tell me where my brother is!”

He shoved the broom further forwards, and the alien snapped its limbs forwards and knocked it away, startling him into stumbling back. It hissed at him again, stabbing at the ground like a warning. He scowled, swiping at his face with a sleeve, and swung the broom handle at it sharply.

The swing went wide, more than a foot from touching any of it, but the alien showed the closest thing to emotion he’d seen so far, half of its eyes flinching closed in anticipation. Roman felt a sickening twist in his gut, some odd mix of guilt, anger, and vindication, and he turned away sharply.

Not for the first time, he wished he’d been the one that had been taken.

Remus wouldn’t care if the stupid cops didn’t listen to him, if their parents didn’t believe him, if the whole town thought he was insane. He would know how to convince an alien to talk, would threaten to-- to crush its extra eyes or cut off limbs or do something Roman was too squeamish to even think up.

If it was Remus, it wouldn’t matter if he didn’t know what to do. He’d at least do something.

He wouldn’t be going through the motions of life like everything was the same.

Pretending had always been Roman’s specialty, after all.

Roman cast a furious glare over his shoulder at the alien, resentful that it was still staring at him even as he was in the middle of a breakdown, and tossed the broom into the corner.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he said, swallowing back the thickness in his voice, “and every day after that until you tell me.”

Threat delivered, he stormed out of the barn and slammed the doors shut behind him.

#sanders sides #humans are space orcs #ts roman #ts virgil #space au #humans are deathworlders #ycgb #you cant go back #my writing #writing #sanders sides fic #alien virgil

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years

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Security Blanket

Prompts: So in a lot of your TSS fics Janus is the one taking care of everyone, giving sweet pet names, and hugging them, but what about a fic where Janus finally gets taken care of…? Just a suggestion! (I also suggest to include angst!) - anon

So many of your fics are Janus taking care of the others (and he is so valid in that, as are you ) (/pos) but it got me thinking of who takes care of Janus?? - anon

Hi! For a prompt, what about Remus and Logan comforting Janus? It can be really angsty or barely enough hurt for hurt/comfort - anon

ooof thank god i get to post something soft today

Read on Ao3

Warnings: hypothermia

Pairings: duckeceit, loceit, DLAMPR, can be platonic or romantic I don't care

Word Count: 3586

As one might be able to imagine, keeping track of Janus at the best of times is an ordeal.

Even if the man weren’t part snake and literally the embodiment of deceit, he’s a private person. He keeps to himself, keeps to his shadows, and when he allows you to discover anything about him—and make no mistake, he is allowing you to do so—it is never enough to answer all the questions you might have about him.

Remus doesn’t ask that many questions.

He doesn’t care, not really, about the precise inner workings of someone’s psyche or the things that make them who they are. That’s Janny’s domain. He knows what buttons to push to make them jump and what things they’re afraid of so he can avoid them—or exploit them—if necessary. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t paying attention.

He knows Janus gets cold. He knows Janus has a hard time being touched. He knows Janus has a very hard going to others for help.

So when there’s an emergency in Thomas’s apartment and the heating’s on the blink, Remus knows he’s got to be the one that finds Janus.

He checks everywhere he can think of. The cupboard under the stairs, the big open carpet near the windows, the corner of the living room made up with blankets and pillows, and nothing. No Snakey.

As a last-ditch attempt, he checks the bathroom.

He opens the door and the thoughts slam into his chest.

It’s so cold, a cold he can feel right down to his bones as if his body is trying to break apart at the seams just to feel something. It’s so lonely, painfully lonely, every ounce of his body screaming for something, anything, someone, anyone. There’s the sharp sting of pain riding an undercurrent of betrayal so vitriolic it almost feels like a violation. And buried beneath it all is the quiet sob of alone, alone, alone, alone.

Remus blinks and finally sees the figure curled up in the shower.

The shower isn’t running, the figure isn’t naked. It’s a huddle of dark clothes, an askew hat, and a yellow blanket clutched tightly over the face. He tries for a breath and the metallic sting of blood hits him square in the nose.

This is so much worse than he thought it would be.

“Jan,” he calls quietly, “Jan-Jan, are you alright?”

If he hears him, he does nothing. He moves closer, stepping into the shower and crouching down.

“Jan-Jan?”

Janus doesn’t flinch, but he’s too still, his breathing too controlled. Fuck. Janus knows he’s here and he’s terrified.

“It’s just me,” he says softly, “it’s just Remus. Are you hurt?”

Still no response. He reaches out to touch his shoulder. Janus reacts to that.

“Whoa, easy,” he soothes when Janus flinches horribly, “I won’t touch you, I won’t touch you, it’s alright.”

He kneels, coming a little closer. Janus still won’t move, won’t speak.

“Janny,” he tries again, “Janny, I can tell you’re bleeding. Let me help you, I won’t be angry if you show me where you’re hurt.”

Janus clutches the blanket tighter. The message is clear; he doesn’t want to move, he doesn’t want to let go. His fingers move a little and he notices that one is badly bruised.

“Snakey, I—easy,” he says, retracting his hand again as he curls tighter, “I’m not trying to take it from you, but you’re hurt, let me help you, please.”

It takes a long time. A long time of murmuring reassurances, a long time of the smell of blood getting stronger and stronger, a long time of wondering how Snakey turned into this frightened creature, before the blanket finally lowers and two eyes poke out over the top.

“Hey, Snakey,” he says softly, smiling and giving him a wave, “want to tell me what’s the matter?”

Janus shakes his head, pressing himself against the shower wall as he clutches the blanket tightly under his chin. Remus swallows a gasp of dismay at his split lip, bruised cheek, and red-rimmed eyes.

“Do you want to show me where else you’re hurt instead?”

Janus shakes his head again, harder this time, and a loose thread gets stuck on his bleeding lip.

“No?” Janus winces when the thread stays there. “Here, let me…”

His eyes go wide as Remus’s hand starts to move.

“I’ll be gentle,” he murmurs, “I promise, I’ll be quick.”

His chest aches as Janus watches his hand like it’s about to bite him, tenderly moving the thread back from his mouth and snapping it away.

“There, that’s better, isn’t it? Oh, you poor thing,” he whispers as fresh tears roll down Janus’s cheeks, “let me help, please?”

Please, Snakey, let me help you.

Janus moves slowly. Too slowly. Every single inch he manages to claw back looks like it aches, his split lip permanently curled into a snarl. If Remus peers close enough, he thinks he can see frost clinging to some of Janus’s scales.

And the blood is coming from somewhere deep within the folds of the fabric.

“Jan,” he says, “we need to get you to Logan, you’re hurt.”

Janus shakes his head, pulling away when Remus tries to help him up.

“Okay, okay,” he says, trying not to ruin the little bit of trust he’s managed to earn, “I won’t touch you, I won’t touch you.”

He glances over his shoulder. At some point, someone is going to come looking for both of them. And that is going to go about as well as—well, it isn’t. It won’t.

“Why didn’t you go somewhere warm first,” he asks gently, “what happened?”

Janus doesn’t respond but his grip on the blanket tightens. He frowns.

“Did…something happen to the blanket?” Janus shakes his head. “Then why…”

Oh. Oh, fuck.

He can just imagine what Janus would expect the others to do if they found out Janus has a comfort object and that it’s a blanket.

Not that they ever would! Patton’s bed is full of stuffed animals, Logan can’t sleep without a galaxy pillowcase on his bed, Remus clings to his Morningstar like another limb, Virgil’s relationship with sleep is complicated at best, and Roman has a blanket too.

“But you didn’t know that,” he whispers to himself as he watches Janus curl up miserably, “did you?”

Janus doesn’t respond. Remus bites back a curse.

“You’re mad.”

He blinks, startled, and looks down. “Huh?”

“You’re mad,” Janus mumbles again, clutching the blanket tightly.

“…yeah, I am,” he says quietly, suppressing noises of concern when he curls tighter, “but not like that, and not right now.”

Janus looks up at him warily. “…no?”

“No. Come on, now,” he continues, frowning when he winces, “come with me to get you warm, please, Snakey.”

Janus just curls up tighter.

“If I brought Logan here, just Logan,” Remus tries, “will you let him look at you? I don’t have to be here, I can go, but—please, Jan-Jan, you’re hurt. Like, real bad, I can tell.”

The time it takes for Janus to shakily nod is quite possibly the longest twenty seconds of Remus’s life.

“Okay,” Remus breathes out, scrambling to his feet, “okay, I’ll get Lolo.”

He dashes out into the hall, down the stairs, almost smack into Logan.

“Remus,” he scolds, “watch where you’re going. What—“

“I found Janny,” he whispers, cutting Logan off, “he’s hurt. You need to come with me.”

Logan draws himself up immediately, snapping the first aid kit into his hands. “Where?”

“This way.”

The look on Remus’s face is enough to tell Roman to keep the others here, which he does by promptly picking up one of the blankets they’ve scavenged from around and wrapping them all in it, pulling them into his lap. Remus nods in thanks and leads Logan up the stairs. He nods to the bathroom.

“He’s in there,” he says softly, “be gentle.”

“I will.”

Logan takes a deep breath and opens the door.

His breathing catches when he spots the little heap of Janus nestled in the corner of the shower, exhale somewhere between a sigh and a noise of concern as Janus peers over his blanket.

“Hello,” he says softly, crouching down outside the shower, “I’m here to help. Can I come over to you?”

Janus doesn’t take his eyes off of him but he nods.

“Thank you. I’m going to go slow so I don’t make too much noise, is that alright? Alright, I’m going to move now.”

When he’s crouched in front of Janus, he can see why Remus was so anxious to get him here. Janus isn’t hypothermic just yet, but he’s hovering on the edge. The smell of blood is strong enough to be worrying, not enough to make him panic.

“I know it’s cold,” he says, “and I know you can’t move very much, but I need to make sure you won’t bleed out or deteriorate at a faster rate. I need you to move a little for me, just so I can see. Does that sound okay?”

A low whine and he shushes him tenderly.

“If you can’t move, that’s alright, I can help. Is that it?” Janus nods. “Alright. Can I touch you, please?”

Janus looks up at him, gaze piercing, as he curls around his blanket. Logan holds his hands up, empty, and waits. When Janus nods again, he reaches forward and gently, gently lays his hands on Janus’s shoulders.

“Shh,” he murmurs as Janus shakes from the heat, “shh, my dear, you’re doing great. I know, it’s a lot, but we have to get you warm, alright?”

Of course, the warmth just increases Janus’s ability to shiver. Logan hushes him soothingly and slowly, slowly moves to pull Janus’s arms away from his body.

“Lean on me if you need to, I’m warmer than you are, that’s alright, I won’t mind.” Logan peers at Janus’s stomach, seeing the blood drying where the scales meet flesh. “Alright, it doesn’t look like you’ve hurt yourself too badly, it’s just the temperature differential causing a little bit of wear and tear.”

Janus is shivering properly now, two of his hands still clinging to his blanket.

“You can’t stay here,” Logan says firmly, “we need to get you warm. If I help you, do you think you can make it to your bed or do you need me to carry you?”

Janus’s lower lip trembles. His brow furrows, mouth drawn into a hard line. He averts his gaze.

“You’re not being needy,” he continues, softening his voice, “I’m here because I want to be here. I want to help you, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. Let me help you, my dear.”

The shock on Janus’s features is enough to make Logan want to summon Roman, who would smother the poor dear in enough affection to drown them all. Just to make Janus believe someone would. But he swallows that need and waits for Janus to figure out that he isn’t lying.

When Janus begins to shyly nudge closer to Logan he smiles, wrapping Janus carefully into his arms and standing, muttering something to Remus about making sure Janus’s room is ready.

Sure enough, when they’ve made their way through the Mindscape, Janus’s bed has a sterile sheet laid across it, warm pads at the ready, and plenty of surgical towels nearby if they’re needed. Janus’s breath is almost torn out of him as Logan crosses the threshold into the warmer room.

“You’re going to be fine,” he murmurs, laying Janus down on his bed. “But I do need to come and clean you off a bit while we warm you up, alright?”

Moving Janus’s arms out of the way is a process, one he sends Remus out of the room for, filled with soft coaxing murmurs as he gently manipulates the stiff limbs.

“You’re doing well, dear, we’re almost there. I know it’s cold, it will hurt less after a moment.”

Janus opens his mouth and tries to say something, only for air to hit his bare torso and it turns into a whine.

“Shh, hush now, dear,” Logan says softly as he begins to clean off the dried blood, “it’s alright. Once you warm up it will feel better. I’m just going to put something on the damages and then we’ll be done.”

“L-Logan—“

“What is it?”

Janus’s eyes are glassy, he realizes, as he looks up to his face. He lets out a concerned noise, reaching up to cup Janus’s face. Janus all but nuzzles into his palm as he does, a shiver racking his body.

“You poor dear,” Logan murmurs, mostly to himself, “you poor, poor dear…”

It ends up taking a little longer than he expected, what with only one hand, but if it keeps Janus grounded, Logan would happily take the rest of the day. It doesn’t come to that, thankfully, as he clears away the last of the medical supplies and gives Janus’s face a little shake.

“Janus? Janus, can you hear me?”

Logan’s face swims into view as Janus blinks away tears that he definitely knows where they came from. Logan’s hand is so warm, it’s so warm, as it cups his face, the soft stroking of his thumb systematically undoing every stitch of Janus’s defenses.

“Can you hear me, my dear?”

Janus nods on instinct, a wounded noise tearing from his throat as Logan’s hand leaves him.

“Hush, now, I’m not going anywhere. I just need to put this aside…there. I’m back, my dear, I’m right here.”

The warm hand is back on his face as the insecurity twists anew in his chest.

What is he doing?

“Shh, none of that now,” Logan chides, “I’m here because I want to be here, remember?”

“‘M not—“ he swallows— “I’m not supposed to be like this.”

“And I’m supposed to be cool, aloof, and uncaring,” Logan says wryly, brushing a stray tear from Janus’s cheek, “and Remus is supposed to be horrible and demented.”

“I can hear you!”

He gives Janus a look like ‘see what I mean?’ “So don’t worry about the roles we play right now, dear, it’s alright.”

Janus swallows again, a massive lump in his throat.

“Is that why you hid,” Logan asks softly, “because you couldn’t separate us from our roles?”

Fat shameful tears bubble at the corner of his eyes.

“Oh, none of that, it’s alright, my dear, shh, shh, oh, come now, don’t cry, don’t cry, I’m trying to make it better, not worse, hush now…oh, you poor thing…”

Janus can’t hear anything over the roar of blood in his ears and the soft slide of Logan’s hand against his face. His breath is coming in great whooping gasps.

“Janus,” Logan says firmly, “stop.”

Janus freezes.

“Good. Now breathe.”

Janus breathes. Logan’s hand, on his shoulder, now, still dry and warm through his cloak, presses down firmly.

“There,” he says, softer now, “that’s better. Just keep doing that, then we can figure out what to do next.”

Janus squeezes his eyes shut, something cold closing into a fist around his heart as Logan pulls away. He wrenches himself into a seated position, starting slightly at the rush in his head. He keeps his eyes shut until he can blink them open, seeing Logan there, watching him carefully.

“Janus?”

“My apologies,” he says, surprised at how smooth his voice comes out, “I appreciate your assistance, but it is no longer necessary. You may leave now.”

He pushes himself to his feet and tries to make it to the door, only for it to fly open, and Remus bursts in.

“Oh, thank fuck,” he sighs as he takes two steps and wraps his arms tightly around him.

Janus’s eyes go wide. The door closes behind Remus as warm warm warm too warm not warm enough don’t let go please let go it hurts it hurts oh fuck don’t stop—

He needs it to go on forever and he needs it to stop.

“Remus,” Logan says after a moment, “Remus, let him breathe.”

Remus lets him go but keeps his hands on his shoulders. Janus is shaking, staring at Remus like he can’t process what’s happening as fat tears begin to roll down his cheeks again. Remus lets out a noise of concern, reaching up to wipe them away.

“It’s okay, Jan-Jan,” he says quietly, almost too quiet for him to hear, “it’s gonna be okay.”

Janus’s face crumbles and he stumbles, scrabbling for Remus’s shoulders for support. Remus scoops him into his arms as he clings desperately to him, walking swiftly to the bed and laying him down as carefully as he can. He scrabbles frantically for his blanket, coiling around it and sobbing desperately into it.

“Ah,” comes the soft voice, “I see.”

“See? See what—oh!”

“Go and tell the others, I can keep an eye on him for now.”

Janus can’t tell what’s happening until he feels warm arms around him.

Logan, Logan, wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him into a hug. His eyes go wide as a sudden flood of warm warm warm solid Logan safe warm care love protection hits him, but none of it takes away from the fact that Logan is hugging him.

Distantly, he hears Remus chuckle as he starts to make his way down the hallway but then Logan’s hand comes up to press his head into the crook of his shoulder and he keens.

“Shh, dear one,” he murmurs, “it’s alright, I’m here, I’ll take care of you.”

His hands clench and unclench in the blanket, unsure of what to do, where to put them, until Logan holds him a little tighter.

“You can touch me, Janus, you can hug me, I don’t mind. Come, now…”

Shakily, he returns the embrace and has to hold back a whimper at the rush of warmth. He feels more than hears the rumble of Logan’s chuckle.

“There you go, dear one, that’s it. Hang onto me, now, that’s right.”

“B-but—I thought—you—“

“You can always come to me for this, Janus,” Logan reassures softly, “I will always take care of you.”

Janus lets out another shuddering breath against Logan’s neck and it’s too much.

“I doubt you’re going to get used to touch if you continue to deprive yourself of it,” he coaxes, pulling Janus closer. “Breathe, dear one, it’s alright, I’m not going anywhere.” He rubs his back. “Just let me take care of you.”

“Wh-where did—Remus—“

“The others are worried, dear, we couldn’t find you. No, no—none of that,” he says as Janus tries to mumble out another apology— “you were afraid and protecting yourself, we can’t be mad at you for that. Remus is letting them know we found you.”

“C-Can—“

“Do you want them to come here? Come help look after you?” When Janus nods shyly and buries his face in the crook of Logan’s neck, he holds him closer. “Alright. Can I call them now?”

Of course, when Logan does call for them, he has about two seconds before Remus is tackling the both of them onto the bed.

“Remus.”

“You got to hog him to yourself, let me have a turn.”

“Be careful.”

“He’s durable.” But Remus softens and scratches a hand through Janus’s hair. “Hey, Snakey.”

“Hi.”

“Pat, move.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going.” Janus lets out a soft noise when Patton and Virgil curl up near the foot of the bed, tucking blankets and pillows into place as Janus moves. “Hey, sweetheart, you okay now?”

“Mhm.”

“We’re just gonna keep watch down here, J, we gotcha.”

The sheet beneath him changes, something softer, warmer. Then the pillows get a little easier to touch, the blankets no longer scraping against his scales. He catches a glimpse of soft red sparks as another pillow changes and looks up to see Roman’s brow furrowed in concentration as he works.

He catches Janus’s gaze and softens, reaching out to carefully set Janus’s hat aside and ruffle his hair.

“Hello, little snake. You just shush and get warm, hmm?”

“Ro—Roman?”

“It’s me, just me. I’m just making things a little easier, you close your eyes.” When Janus keeps staring at him, he raises an eyebrow and gently drags a finger down the bridge of Janus’s nose to make his eyes flutter shut. “There, that’s better. Let us keep an eye on you, now.”

Well, between Logan’s arm around his waist, Remus’s hand in his hair, Patton and Virgil camped at the foot of the bed, and Roman patiently checking the wound on his stomach, Janus isn’t going to be going anywhere any time soon.

Keeping track of Janus at the best of times may be an ordeal, but if he thinks it’s not one they would gladly go through, he’s lying to himself.

General Taglist: @frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes @iminyourfandom @bullet-tothefeels @full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83 @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious @firefinch-ember @fandomssaremysoul @im-an-anxious-wreck @crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch @enby-ralsei @unicornssunflowersandstuff @wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams @averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @aularei @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws @cecil-but-gayer @i-am-overly-complicated @annytheseal @alias290 @tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance @whyiask @crows-ace @emilythezeldafan @frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires @cyanide-violence @oonagh2 @xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx @rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734 @triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo @cerulean-watermelon @puffed-up-bees @meltheromanstan

if you want to be added/taken off the taglist, let me know!

#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #logan sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #fic

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omg-im-such-a-masochist · 3 years

Text

COPING WITH YOUR FEARS

Prompt: You just bought a new house with your boyfriend Roman,with the thing he loves the most in it: a pool. The only problem? He doesn’t know you’re terrified of water and don’t know how to swim.

Word count: Long-ish

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

Warnings: +18,clitoris stimulation,smut implied,cursing,praise kink,aquaphobia(fear of water),slight angst

Tag: My sister from another mister @ziasaph (she might recognize this topic hahahah thank you for always inspiring me,love!)

Notes: Hello loves! So this is a based on a true story event (I almost drowned when I was a little girl and have been terrified of water since then),so this is me trying to cope with my fear even if it’s only a fictional thing hahahaha(since this specific scenario with Roman is impossible for little old me! But that doesn’t mean a girl can’t dream right?!).Sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language...you know the usual. Please let me know what you think(if you’re comfortable with it) some feedback is always appreciated ❤️ Also feel free to check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and you can always find my latest story as a fixed post on my page. Ok I’m done babbling now hahahaha. Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

Oh summer...the best season to enjoy the life outside: wear nothing more than swimsuits and bikinis,get some Mother Nature’s natural vitamin D and swimming!

It all sounds like a dream,right?! Except for the fact that.. I DON’T know how to swim,in fact I’m terrified of the thought of swimming! When I was a little girl I almost drowned and since then I’m terrified of water,even the simple thought of it makes me shiver.

So I don’t know what was I thinking when I agreed with my boyfriend’s horrifying idea of buying a house WITH A POOL on it! And of course that the damn thing not only had to be large but also deep.

So here I am now,sitting on the living room couch,looking out the french doors that lead to the patio watching my boyfriend excitedly fill up the pool and the pool toys so we can “happily” enjoy our newest acquisition.

“Y/N? Babe,can you come out here for a second please?”

I reluctantly got up from the couch and made my way towards him outside.

“Yes,Ro?”

He looked at me with a frown and said “Why aren’t you changed into your bikini yet?”

I gulped before I respond “I don’t have any”

“You mean,you didn’t brought any?We can take the car and get a pair at our old house”he said with a smile

“No babe, I mean like, I don’t own a pair”

“That’s not a problem either,we can go to Target so you can buy one” he responded still smiling

“What I’m trying to say is that I don’t wanna buy one...” I said with a low voice

“Oh..so you wanna go skinny dipping huh?” He deviously smirks at me and started to take his shirt off “Ugh,I love the way you think baby girl” with that he closed the distance between us and captured my lips in the most sensual kiss.

“Hmmm...Roman..wait.”

He reached to the hem of my tank top

“Ro, I gotta tell you something..”

“Later,baby..” He hummed while he pulled my tank top over my head and I took advantage of the break to say

“Ro,baby, I don’t know how to swim and also I may or may not be terrified of water since I almost drowned when I was a kid” I said as fast as I could

“What?Wait...Y/N why you never told me this before,my angel?”

“Because the subject never came up..” I embarrassedly said

“Babe,how the subject never came up when I suggested that we should by a house WITH a pool on it so WE could enjoy it?Didn’t the subject came up then?” He asked slightly angry

“It did” My voice was barely a whisper

“So,why didn’t you said ‘Roman, I don’t wanna buy a house with a pool on it,because I don’t know how to swim and I’m terrified of water?’ You should’ve told me beforehand!”

Oh boy,now he was really angry! I’ve officially woken the beast

“I’m sorry... I didn’t say anything because,I saw your excitement when you saw the pool,and I know how much you like to swim,so I just wanted you to be happy with our new house.” I finished my sentence right before the tears start to roll down my cheek.

“Baby girl,come here” He pulled me towards his chest and buried his face on the crook of my neck “I didn’t mean to make you cry baby,I’m so sorry.” He kissed my neck and holded my face between his hands,looked me in the eyes and said “Will you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive Ro,it’s fine..”

“No it isn’t! I shouldn’t have talked to you like that, I was an asshole for no reason” he wiped my eyes off “I love you,so much..Just please promise me you will tell me beforehand if you don’t want something,this is OUR house! I want you to be as happy with it as I am.”

“I love you too big guy,and I promise,no more surprise announcements” I pout my lips so he could peck it,which he happily did

“So now that we have the pool...let’s help you out with your water fear,shall we?”

“Oh no no n-“

“Shhh yes yes yes! Take you close off baby” he smirked

“But Roman I don’t have a bikini or swimsuit”

“Oh baby girl,since when that’s gonna stop us?”

“Are you implying that I should overcome my water fear by getting in the water naked?With you?”

“C’mon babe,don’t get all shy on me now..we both know that you’ve got nothing that I haven’t seen before or haven’t enjoyed to it’s fullest” he looked me up and down with hungry eyes “Besides” he stepped closer and whispered above my ear “We both also know that,you ain’t got one single bone of shyness on ya” He slowly stepped back to his original place with that delicious look on his face and I couldn’t help but finish stripping my clothes off.

Once I was fully naked,he eagerly removed his own clothes,entered the pool and reached his arms towards me,making a ‘come hear’ motion with his hands. And as much as I wanted to go I just froze in place.

I started to sweat profusely,my heart was beating so fast I swear it was going to explode,my breath became shallow,I felt nauseous,my mouth was drier than the desert, I felt dizzy, I thought I was gonna faint...Until I felt a pair of wet strong arms surround my waist pulling me back from my near mental breakdown. *When did he came out of the pool?* I thought

“Y/N look at me” His voice was soft and sweet like melted chocolate,and I looked up slowly to meet that beautiful pair of warm brown eyes.

“It’s okay baby,you’re safe. I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you, I’m not gonna push you to do anything you’re not comfortable with,we gonna take baby steps ok?” When I nodded,he continued “Good,now we’re gonna enter through the shallow side of the pool together and we’re gonna keep going until the water hits our waist,I’m not gonna let you go ok?” I just nodded again.

We entered the pool and as soon as I felt the water hit my calves I panicked.

“I can’t do this,I can’t do this..” I whispered

“Baby girl,look at me” he said with a soothing voice,when I met his gaze he continued “You’re doing great baby!You’re so strong and so beautiful,it’s just the two of us here,focus on me baby...” I started to relax so he pulled us further in,the water hit my hips and I started slightly panicking again.When he realized he rapidly said

“Hey Y/N,can you give me a hug baby?”

“What?”

“I said,if you could give me a hug?”

“Ummmm Sure?Why not” I said confused

He pulled me into his arms tightly and started babbling random things like: the details about our first date,our first road trip together,our terrible first year anniversary,the time that Jimmy bought lasagna from that very doubtful place near our old house and spent the whole night proclaiming his porcelain throne.

“Do you remember his face?” Roman asked between laughs

“Yes I do! You even took his picture while he was on the toilet with the Polaroid,wrote ‘Porcelain God’ on the photo and hanged up in the locker room so everybody could see” I was laughing so hard that tears started to roll down my cheeks.Roman couldn’t control himself either,so he let out a breathless “Man,he got so fucking mad about it”.

Once we were able to control our laughs,we enjoyed the few minutes of comfortable silence until I moved a little bit,felt the water around my waist and just like that,all the effort my lovely boyfriend did to distract me from my dying fear went down the drain.

“Oh my God,I’m gonna drown,Roman help me please...I’m gon-“ My words were cut off by his lips on mine.He was kissing me like a horny teenage boy,he turned us over,so my back could rest on the pool wall,he made sure that my arms and legs were securely locked around his neck and waist before he could start to roam his hands on my breasts,pinching my nipples.

“Hmmmm” I moaned

Once he was happy with how hard my nipples were,he roamed his hands further down,until he found what he was looking for.

“Oh my sweet baby girl” He circled my clit with his middle and ring finger

“Ah Roman” I whined

“Always so responsive baby” He applied more pressure making me moan his name deeper “I love when you moan baby..” He increased his fingers speed “It’s always so fucking hot!No woman can moan like you can,you’re the only one who can make my dick rock hard just by moaning my name..Fuck,here baby,take a look for yourself” He grabbed one of my hands and lowered down to his cock,making me grip it.

When I lightly squeezed,he growled.

“See what you do to me? Do you see the power you hold against me? I’m powerless around you baby, whenever you’re around me I’m helpless! Everything you do turns me on,your body,your voice,your smile,the way you look at me,the way you care about me...the slightest move you make has my cock wide awake to serve you as you please,my queen.”

Roman always had a way with his words,that’s how he convinced everyone to do everything he wanted,me included! And he was just succeeding,because right now the last thing I remembered was that I was inside of that damn pool!

“Ro,please..”

“What is it? Do you want me to fuck you baby? Is that it?” His voice getting deeper and deeper

“Mhmmm” Was the only thing I could say.

Then suddenly I felt a tug on my arms, the cold wind against my wet naked (now out of the pool) body,Roman’s lips on mine before he quickly say

“Now we don’t you to get drowned,do we?!” And smirked while he picked me up from the floor,leading us towards our bedroom.

Maybe this whole pool thing wasn’t a bad idea afterall.

#roman reigns imagine #roman reigns smut #roman reigns x reader #roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns one shot #roman reigns #masochist writes #wwe imagine

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the-sympathetic-villain · 3 years

Text

A Life for a Life - Chapter 1

AO3 | Next | Masterpost

Prompt by @local-space-case: Prince Roman and his two loyal friends, Patton and Logan, are on the hunt for a dragon. Meanwhile, Dragonshifter!Janus is just trying to find the right herbs to cure a sick/injured Dragonshifter!Virgil. Bonus points for Anxciet and/or Protective Remus.

@local-space-case I didn’t get a chance to include protective Remus in this chapter but the plan is to do a couple chapters whenever I get a chance between the other things I work on XD

Word Count:1189

Chapter Warnings: Arrow wound, Descriptions of wounds, Blood, Angst, Romantic flirting, Hunting People(?) (Let me know if I missed anything!)

---

“Hold still, Virgil.”

“I'm trying, Janus.” Virgil groaned, sucking in a sharp breath as the arrow in his side moved in his gut. “In case you hadn't noticed, I got shot."

Janus rolled his eyes as he pressed his hand into the wound on Virgil’s abdomen to stop the bleeding. Desperately, he pulled at the strips of cloth he'd torn from his jacket, trying to get the wound wrapped even as the arrow stayed wedged in his side. “Perhaps now isn’t the time for your sarcasm, Virgil.”

“Now is the perfect time for my sarcasm.” Virgil groaned. The slits of his purple eyes dilated as another wave of pain shook his body. “I might not get another chance—”

Janus bit his lip as Virgil whimpered at the pressure he was putting on the wound. “Don't you dare start thinking like that on me. I didn't come this far with you to have you give up on me now.”

“Jan—” Virgil looked up at him with a softness in his eyes as his fingers curled around his lover’s wrist. “—Please, they’re coming. You have to go.”

“I'm not leaving you."

“You have to, love.” Virgil’s lip curled up at the desperation in Janus' shimmering yellow eyes. “They only saw me. If you stay low to the trees, they won't see you fly away. You can save yours—”

“No,” Janus flinched as a twig behind him snapped, gritting his teeth as he glanced over his shoulder. “I won't do it.”

“Janus, you can’t fly with me.” Virgil pleaded quietly as Janus unfolded his wings and yellow scales appeared on his pale skin. His voice grew desperate as he could hear the footfalls of the humans approaching. “I'll weigh you down. You won’t make it far enough—”

The air was suddenly sucked from Virgil’s lungs as Janus leapt into the sky. His amber wings unfolded to their full length as he cleared the tops of the trees and they glided gently down the mountainside.

“I'll save you, Virgil,” Janus curled his lover close, protecting his frail humanoid form from the biting wind as he struggled to stay in the air. “Or I'll die trying.”

---

“That was an excellent shot, my grace.” Logan smiled, bowing respectfully as he offered to carry his prince's quiver and bow. “Perfectly on target at least 200 paces. I daresay your practice is paying off.”

“What practice—” Patton grunted as Logan elbowed him in the chest. He looked up just in time to see the shooting him a dirty look.

“The prince has worked hard in his training to have come this far.” Logan chastised him lightly. “He deserves recognition for his efforts.”

Patton rolled his eyes and dropped his gaze to the ground, muttering under his breath. “I'm just not convinced swapping spit with you at the archery range is what improved the prince's aim is all.”

Logan's mouth hung agape as heat rushed to his cheeks and he glanced nervously at the prince. “Patton. Frankly, I am surprised at your disrespect—”

“Relax, Lo. Your brother is free to speak as he pleases when it is just the three of us,” Roman chuckled as he moved forward, careful not to slip as he navigated the loose earth of the steep mountainside. “though admittedly, I do believe he is wrong on this particular subject.”

Patton and Logan shared a curious look before Logan turned back to him. “In what manner do you mean, my grace?”

Roman glanced back at him, offering his courtier a hand as he stepped down the steep rocks. “Contrary to your brother’s belief, I think trying to impress you is exactly what improved my aim.”

Logan could hear Patton’s groan as his blush deepened. Roman’s grip tightened on his hand as the prince pulled him forward, catching his waist as he smiled nervously up at the prince.

“Now, how about we slay this beast so we can make our pairing official?”

Roman’s hushed voice sent shivers down Logan's spine as he melted into the prince’s chest with a whisper. “I'd like that very much.”

“I'm still not sure why this is necessary.” Patton grumbled, coming up behind them as they reluctantly separated.

Logan smiled as Roman released him. The prince’s hand lingered in his for a moment before he released his grip and continued down the hill. Logan watched him fondly before turning back to Patton as they followed in the prince’s tracks. “It is customary for a prince to prove his worth to the kingdom before asking for the king's blessing on a marriage proposal.”

“—and bringing home this beast's head on a spike is a feat worthy of the favor I need to win from him.” Roman muttered, kneeling on the ground ahead of them.

“No, I understand that.” Patton rolled his eyes at Logan. “I just don't understand why I have to be here.”

Logan smirked as Patton grumbled. “Because dear brother, I volunteered your name above all the other attendants to accompany our dear prince on his important mission. You should be honored.”

Patton returned Logan’s smirk with a dead-panned glare. “You only picked me because you knew I wouldn't tell on you both for making googly eyes at each other the entire time.”

“That is indeed true as well.” Logan smiled, catching up to Roman as he rose up from where he knelt on the ground.

“The beast has lost a fair amount of blood." Roman whispered, holding his hand out to show Logan the blood he'd caught sight of on the ground. Quietly, he cleaned the glittering, red substance off his fingertips as he glanced at the wall of trees ahead of them. “It should be easy enough to track the beast and with any luck it will be weak when we catch up.”

“Can we?” Patton asked cautiously, sick of the sight of the creature’s blood as he glanced up at Roman. “Catch it, I mean. Wouldn’t it have just flown really far away?”

“The injury it sustained was significant, Patton. The creature will not be able to make it far without requiring rest.” Logan crossed his arms solemnly as he looked at the woods ahead of them. “Fortunately for us, humans are notorious persistence predators and that gives us the advantage in this case.”

“In English please, professor.” Roman teased, smiling as his courtier smirked back at him.

“Human's greatest asset is neither our strength nor our speed. It is simply our will to keep moving. The creature can run, but it will simply continue to waste its own energy until we inevitably catch up.” Logan stated plainly, glancing at the prince. “Though I do encourage you to still remain alert. If the beast is still alive, its wounds may make it desperate enough to still prove dangerous.”

The trio flinched as a sudden gust of air rushed past them and a set of wings could be heard above them disappearing into the distance. Logan frowned as he turned to meet the prince’s serious gaze.

“Noted.” Roman nodded at Logan before ducking into the trees as his friends followed him. “Then, I suppose the chase begins.”

---

General Taglist:

@somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @im-an-anxious-wreck

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #ts virgil #ts janus #ts logan #ts roman #ts patton #anxciet #logince #royals au #human au #A Life for a Life #villain writes

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averykedavra · 4 years

Text

All I Want is Serenity

*ahem* Yes, thank you for gathering here tonight. I know I’m supposed to be working on my millions of unfinished fics. However, let me propose some, *ahem ahem* Roman angst? Perhaps, perhaps. Thanks to @becca-becky for not judging when I asked for “weird crab facts, stat.”

You can find this fic on Ao3 here.

(Title is from 'dreamin by The Score.)

Words: 13019 (I’m so sorry, I swear this was supposed to be like 5k)

Pairings: platonic DLAMPRT

Warnings: food mentions, missed sleep, missed eating, self-deprecation and self-hatred, sympathetic everyone including Remus, disassociation, brief suicidal ideation (although only referring to “ducking out”), slightly unreliable narrator, verbal abuse, anxiety, panic attack, sensory overload, spiraling thoughts, discussions of time and losing track of time, touch-starvation but it’s pretty brief, extra limbs but also very brief, maybe some light PTSD? The sides are portrayed as somewhat unsympathetic in Roman’s own mind, but they are not, he just views them as more hateful than they are. (I want to say this isn’t as bad as the warnings make it sound, but...it’s not great. There’s a happy ending, though, I promise!)

Summary: Roman knows the only way to keep the Sides from hating him is to make sure he’s perfect. He needs to say the right things, act the right way, and smile at the right times. But his endless practicing, high standards, and ugly thoughts are only making him screw up more. He needs to get a handle on things and become the perfect prince they want, or he’ll be kicked out for good.

It was cold in Thomas’ living room. Roman shivered as soon as he rose up. He’d try and fix the temperature, but there wasn’t time, not with everyone’s eyes on him.

Usually he loved attention, or was good at pretending that he did. But with Logan’s cold stare, Virgil’s glower, Patton’s shaky smile, and Thomas’ blank expression tearing through him, his skin crawled and he hid his shaking hands behind his back. He was ready for this. He was.

“Greetings,” he said, trying for a smile and his usual confidence. Was that the right way to go about this? Could he even maintain the facade anymore? Should he just let down his guard and stop being so insufferably extra all the time?

“Roman,” said Janus, and Roman flinched. Why did he do that? He knew Janus would be there, a few feet from Logan, yet he found himself unable to even look in Janus’ direction.

“We need to talk,” Thomas said, and Roman nodded. He knew.

“About the last episode.” Logan adjusted his glasses and Roman felt a little flicker of comfort at the familiar motion. "Clearly there are some things we need to sort out.”

Roman opened his mouth to apologize. Was that the right way to do this? Apologize right off the bat? The idea rankled at him, the fragments of his pride trying to stop him from throwing it all away, but maybe it would help to get everything out of the way.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “I was rude and very unprincely towards Janus, and I hope he can forgive me.”

Janus watched Roman for a moment before inclining his head. Not forgiveness, but acknowledgement, which was better than Roman expected.

“That’s good, kiddo,” Patton said, his smile growing a little more real. “Now what about the rest of us?”

Roman swallowed. “The rest of us?” he repeated, wishing desperately he had chosen to do anything else, wondering why he thought this was ever a good idea.

“Well, yeah.” Virgil’s arms were curled around his knees and he was sitting instead of standing on the stairs. Rather out-of-character for him, but it helped ground Roman, not having everyone here be perfect and unaffected by the situation. “You’re...y’know...”

Virgil blew his bangs away from his eyes. Now that was classic Virgil, and it made Roman’s heart clench.

“You need to apologize to all of us,” Virgil finished, shrugging. “Sorry, dude, but...you messed up. Big-time.”

“I...” Roman nodded. “Of course. Logan, I am so sorry for insulting you by pushing the Ignorant button. That was a rude and insensitive joke and I’m sorry.”

Logan’s eyes softened, just a little bit.

“Patton, I...” Roman bit his lip. “I’m sorry for pushing you so much. We went into territory you were clearly uncomfortable with, and instead of hearing your concerns, I led you to have a breakdown.”

Patton’s eyes flashed. Okay, bad choice of words. Roman made a mental note to avoid calling it a breakdown.

“Thomas.” Roman tried to remember what to say. He’d wronged Thomas, hadn’t he? How? “The wedding,” he guessed, hoping Thomas would give him a cue.

Thomas nodded slowly.

Okay. Good. He was on the right track. “I shouldn’t have forced you to go to the wedding,” Roman continued, keeping his voice level. “It wasn’t what you wanted to do, and I let my own fears of siding with Janus get in the way of doing the right thing for you. I sacrificed your dreams, and for that, I apologize.”

Roman could have made a snarky comment about how they were his dreams too, and really he was only trying his best, but he had a feeling that wouldn’t go over well. Maybe he’d try it later, when he was tired and looking to let out some anger, but for now he was giving this his best shot.

“And Virgil.” Roman let all his sorrow and guilt flood his voice. “Virgil, I...I’m so sorry for ever treating you like the villain, for not listening to you, for being so prejudiced against the ‘Dark Sides.’ I’m sorry for even making up that name. I’ve been a terrible prince and an even worse friend, and I hope you--all of you--can forgive me.”

For a second, Virgil looked about to smile. Had Roman done it? Had he made his way through with no mistakes?

Then a sharp voice cut through his fog of hope. A sharp side to cut through all the bull. A sharp tongue and sharp eyes, slicing Roman back down to size.

“Why would we?”

Roman’s mouth went dry. He swallowed a few times. Stay tall, Roman. He was born for the stage, the spotlight. He was a master of improv. So why did this specific scenario get him so off-kilter?

“Why would we forgive you,” Janus continued, stepping forward, “when you’ve been lying this whole time?”

“What?” Roman whispered.

“You’re not actually sorry.” Janus’ voice was louder than Roman’s heartbeat, but only by a little. “You’re just apologizing so we’ll forgive you and you can start getting what you want again. I can taste lies, Roman, and you’re coated in them.”

“I-I’m not...” Roman took a step back. “I’m not lying!”

It was a weak line. A weak comeback. But Roman had always been weak.

“I’m not going to forgive you,” Janus said, and there it was. A simple statement that stabbed into Roman’s heart. “You’ve apologized before and you’ve never tried to change your ways. The fact is, you can’t change, because you don’t even believe you’ve done anything wrong.”

“How could you say that?” Roman protested. Yes and, his own mind whispered at him. Improvisation is yes-and, not blind denial. But how could he agree to that and still survive this? How could agree to that and get the good ending? “I’ve done so many things wrong! I’ve--”

“You have,” Janus agreed, stepping forward again. Roman felt his back hit the wall. The TV was between them, he noticed dimly, and cursed himself for the thought. Janus wouldn’t attack him! What kind of unsavory fear was that? So much for thinking of Janus as a good guy.

Still, even if the real Janus would never attack him, Roman had a sickening feeling that right now, all bets were off.

“You’ve made a million mistakes,” Janus said. Something we’re both familiar with, Roman remembered, but that was just a line to flatter Roman, make him let his guard down. There was no flattery now. “But you’re not sorry. I can tell.”

“Of course I am! I--” Roman paused, doubt squirming into his head. Was he sorry? Sure, he acted like he was, he told himself he was. But was he really apologetic? Or did he just want to get rid of the guilt that ate him up every night, the loaded glances everyone gave each other when he entered the room, the bite in everyone’s voice when they greeted him? Was he so selfish that he didn’t care about his friends’ feelings, only his own?

“Finally, an epiphany.” Janus smirked. “I knew it would take a while to get through that idiotic head of yours. But now that you’ve finally caught up with the big kids, do you know what it means that you’re only thinking of yourself?”

Roman knew. Roman knew. He didn’t want Janus to say it, but Janus was going to, because everything was out of Roman’s control. Why had he wanted it like this? Why did he think he could handle it?

“Evil,” Janus said, relishing each letter. “You’re the evil twin, Roman.”

Roman glanced around wildly, hoping for some scrap of support. He knew there wouldn’t be any. He knew their faces would cut him even deeper. But he looked around anyway, and he hoped, because Roman had always been pretty stupid.

Logan’s face, stern and cold, eyes flashing. Virgil, glaring at Roman like he did long ago back when they were enemies, baring his teeth. Patton, smile finally slipping off his face, looking at Roman with furrowed brows and a pout. Disappointment.

And Thomas. His Center. His person. The one he did everything for, the one he dreamed for, the one he lived for. Thomas looked at Roman, shook his head, and looked away.

Roman tried to scrounge up some sort of fight. He needed to get them to forgive him! Or at least continue the conversation! He couldn’t just give up now. Giving up wasn’t something heroes did, and if Roman wanted the slightest chance of success, he had to brave this out.

But Janus’ eyes were gleaming and sharp like the edge of a knife. The script had been torn to pieces long ago, and the more Roman stood among the people that resembled his friends, the more it tore him up inside.

He sighed, slumped against the wall, and waved his hand. “Cut.”

The room dissolved around him. He sunk to the ground, or what might have been ground. It was hard to tell when the Imagination was between worlds. Everything was the same shade of parchment white. He ran his hand down the wall and felt the roughness. Usually this place invigorated him, an empty canvas, a blank slate to create wondrous worlds and spin scintillating stories. Now it just reminded him of his failure.

Ugh. The first round was always the worst, but he thought he’d be able to handle it a little better than that. But no. He’d frozen, choked, run dry. One malicious monologue and he got tongue-tied? Pathetic. And he was supposed to be an actor.

Well. Maybe it would take longer than he expected. Ten rounds instead of five, maybe even twenty or thirty. But he’d figure it out. He’d be able to brace himself for the hatred. Or better yet, find the good ending. If there was one to get at all. He certainly didn’t deserve their forgiveness. Perhaps, though...perhaps if he found the right words, he’d manage to salvage their tolerance.

Either way, he knew when he finally had this conversation in real life, he’d be prepared. He’d be insulated from the harm of any stinging words thrown his way. He’d be fine.

Practice made perfect, after all.

Roman hauled himself to his feet and waved his hand, building the living room from scratch. He put the finishing touches on Virgil’s patchwork hoodie, Logan’s striped tie, Janus’ scales, Patton’s smile. Maybe it would hurt less if he made it less realistic, didn’t pour all his love and knowledge into each creation, but it was supposed to hurt. It wasn’t practice if he didn’t feel the weight of the real situation, didn’t feel the pressure on his lungs and the shake of his hands, didn’t feel the shame of being ridiculed.

“From the top,” Roman muttered, clapping his hands. And the scene started again.

“Greetings,” Roman said, smiling as wide as he could, ready for another try.

“Logically, there is no reason to forgive your apology. I hold no affection for you and you have sidelined me on multiple occasions.”

"Cut. From the top.”

“Kiddo, I’ve always supported you, but don’t you think you’re getting in Thomas’ way? I really think I should take the driver’s seat on this one. Maybe you can take some alone time and think through how you can be better.”

“Cut. From--from the top.”

“Oh, hey, bro! Whatcha up to? See, we’ve decided you’re not really all that, so we’re trying the other Creativity out as the good twin. Just take a backseat and be a nuisance, which shouldn’t be too hard.”

“Cut! From the top!”

“Jeez, Princey, can you pump the brakes? And I thought I was a bad guy. Hate to say it, but maybe you should just duck out and stop corrupting him.”

“C-cut. From...from the top.”

“You’ve never been my hero, Roman, and you never will be.”

Roman couldn’t even say “Cut” after that. He was too busy crying.

Eventually, though, after a million wrong choices and a billion broken smiles, he found his way to some semblance of the good ending. No jolly good fellows and cheering citizens, no happily-ever-after, just a version that didn’t make Roman want to curl into a corner and hide forever. His fake smile got better with every round. His apologies grew more polished, and even though they felt less and less sincere, they got better and better results. Soon he was just running through the words like he was reading off a teleprompter, bobbing his head along to a script he knew by heart.

He knew what to say. He knew where to pause, where to let his voice crack, when to smile and when to let someone else talk. He learned to wait his turn, to accept the first two insults from Logan but push back at the third, because if he didn’t, Janus would accuse him of taking things lying down which would lead to an entire diatribe from Virgil about Roman never fighting for himself anymore. It was a delicate balance between meek and egotistical, quiet and loud, apologetic and confident. One slip of the tongue and he’d be berated again, kicked out, encouraged to just duck out and save everyone the trouble of his company.

Still, it stung less after the tenth time. Roman barely even flinched after the twentieth. By the thirtieth, he was able to just nod and smile, swallowing the hurt. By the fiftieth--fortieth? Fiftieth? How many times had he remade this room, polished up these characters, and tried again? He didn’t remember--by the time he stopped, it didn’t hurt at all.

He was tired, he realized as he finally put away the living room for good. His eyes ached and his head swam. He must have been doing this for several hours. Time was hard in the Imagination. Well, no longer should he deny himself his beauty sleep! Usually he’d have a walk into town to reward himself for succeeding, have a chat with some characters or slay a mighty dragon or just enjoy the wind on his skin. But he didn’t really feel like he deserved a reward right now. And he definitely wasn’t up for any dragon-slaying. Or socializing.

Roman summoned a quill and scratched out a door in red ink. Maybe it was overkill when he could just sink into his room, but he enjoyed watching the ink spread over the surface of the wall and sink into a three-dimensional figure. It was one of his favorite parts of the Imagination, the way he could will anything into existence, plant a seed and let it have a life of its own.

Or it usually was. Not when the Imagination supplied biting words and cold eyes, going above and beyond even Roman’s worst fears, forcing him to confront every possible worst-case scenario.

Other than that, though, it was a fun place.

Roman opened the door to his bedroom. It was dim and empty, smelling almost stale. How long had been away? Didn’t matter, he was tired. And hungry, he realized as his stomach growled, but sleep before food. Did he even have any food? He’d been storing as much as possible under his bed so he wouldn’t have to attend meals too much, but he was pretty sure he’d eaten the last chicken wrap this morning. Or maybe yesterday morning.

Roman collapsed on his bed with a sigh. The food issue could wait for now. His eyes were already closing. He pulled his quilt over him and sunk into his pillow, breathing another sigh of relief. Goodness, he felt like he could pull an Aurora and sleep for a hundred years. All that crying must have been exhausting.

But just as Roman drifted off, he felt a tug in his chest.

Thomas.

Oh, no.

Roman’s eyes flew open. He thought he still had a day before this! That’s what Logan’s schedule said, and Logan’s schedule never lied. Why would they push it earlier?

Roman glanced out the window at the sunny day. His alarm clock read 4:30. The little red x’s over the previous days on his calendar proclaimed it to be a day before the Talk. Maybe he’d gotten the date wrong, misread it somehow. That would be just like Roman, to be such an idiot he messed up a simple date.

Well, no time to worry about it now. Thomas was summoning him again, the tug stronger and almost painful. Roman quickly jumped out of bed, waited for the room to stop tilting, and strode over to his full-length mirror. He looked like a hot mess. Nay, not hot, cool. Nay, not cool, uncool. An uncool mess.

Roman quickly snapped his fingers and straightened the wrinkles from his outfit, combed the tangles from his hair, and dried the tear tracks on his face. He practiced a smile, a grand pose, and recited his part in his head. He knew what he was doing. He was ready, he was prepared, he was numb. This would be fine.

When he felt another tug he took his chance, rising up in the real world and beaming at everyone. “Greetings,” he said, going a little quiet on the second syllable and purposefully softening his smile when he was done.

It was warm. No surprise, it was late spring in Florida, but Roman had gotten used to the icy chill of the Imagination. He’d never bothered to fix it. Maybe he should have, because the warmth was throwing Roman off, reminding him that this was the real thing and if he messed up, he got no do-overs.

“Hi, Thomas,” he said after a two-and-a-half-seconds pause. “Everyone.”

“Roman.” Janus’ voice cut in, right on time.

Roman nodded at Janus, lifting his lips slightly. Janus didn’t smile back, but he didn’t until later. So everything was going to plan.

“Where have you been?” Thomas burst out, his eyebrows furrowed. “Nobody’s seen you for days!”

Oh. Okay. That was off-script.

“I’ve been in the Imagination,” Roman said quickly. Not a lie, so Janus couldn’t see right through him. Just a layered truth. “What would you like to talk about, Thomas?”

Thomas pressed his lips together. “I think you know.”

Roman carefully let his smile fall, just a bit. “I know.”

“Yeah.” Thomas looked around. “We need to talk about the last episode, Roman.”

“We’ve already spoken about it,” Logan said carefully. “Just...not with you.”

“You weren’t answering us,” Virgil said, curling into himself, just a bit. “We, um--I. I was worried. But you’re here now, so--so that’s good.”

“So.” Patton tugged at the sleeves of his cardigan, looking nervous. The same nervous smile as Roman expected. “I--”

“I’m sorry,” Roman said, reciting the speech he perfected, the one tailored to ruin his friendships with the least people. “I messed up, and I’m sorry. Janus, I shouldn’t have laughed at your name--I actually like it, it’s very dramatic and it suits you.” End the compliments there, before Janus thought he was laying it on thick, or worse, figured anything Roman liked had to be terrible. “Patton.” Pause for emphasis, keep his voice level. “That video was kind of a mess, and that was my fault.” Don’t add any ‘maybes’ or ‘partiallys’ or ‘kind ofs’. Don’t imply it was Patton’s fault or everyone will get mad. “Logan, I’m sorry for cutting you off. I do that far too much--” Not ‘we’, ‘I’, because the last time he said ‘we’ Virgil got mad that Roman thought Virgil ignored Logan. “--and I would benefit from listening to you more.”

It was Virgil’s turn now. Roman didn’t have to say much to Virgil--too much, and he’d send Virgil into a panic attack like he did in the Imagination. “Virgil, I’m sorry for all the times I’ve been cruel to you. I haven’t ever apologized for those before, and that was my bad. You’re...you’ll always be one of us.” Oh, no. He’d gone off-script. But he just couldn’t help it! Hopefully the extra compliment wouldn’t be seen as too forthright, and no one could get mad at Roman for assuming that there was an “us” and Roman was part of it.

Everyone was silent. Roman let his words ring for a second or two. He didn’t meet anyone’s eyes, instead turning to Thomas. Thomas had an unreadable expression on his face, and Roman knew how quickly it could turn to anger, disappointment, fear, disgust. He had to do this right.

“Thomas.” Roman carefully shifted from one foot to another, a small sign of weakness that would make him seem a little less egotistical than usual. “I...I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t add anything else. No chances for misunderstandings with Thomas. He was a part of Thomas, all of them were, and Thomas would know exactly what he meant.

And Thomas did. His eyes softened. “I forgive you, Roman. Thanks for saying that.”

“Great!” Roman knew a cue to leave when he heard it. Sticking around too long had never ended well. They’d gotten their apologies, which meant he was no longer necessary. “Now, I’m afraid a noble quest awaits me, so I shall take my leave. Farewell!”

He gave a little flourish of the hand and sunk out, leaving the rest of them frozen in the living room.

“Wait--” Virgil started to say, but Roman was already gone.

Roman spent the rest of the afternoon dozing, watching TV, and scribbling down the first lines of stories he knew he’d never finished. At some point, maybe two hours or so after the dinner he skipped by insisting “I ate earlier, Padre, and I’m awfully busy right now,” he learned why the Talk had taken place a day early. Or rather, that it hadn’t. He’d been in the Imagination for a whole day without realizing.

Well, that happened sometimes. A day or so, and Roman would be back to his fabulous self. And he’d navigated that conversation with barely a hiccup, a real achievement. He usually messed up somewhere, the panic getting to him, lashing out at someone or feigning too much confidence and coming off as egotistical. And of course, before he started doing this, he’d been a mess.

He’d gotten the idea during Can Lying Be Good?, and although that episode was a disaster after Deceit showed up--Janus, his name was Janus, a change that still sent Roman’s stomach tumbling whenever he was reminded of it--it was still a good idea to work through possible options before making a choice.

So it started small. Roman practicing monologues on an empty stage, Roman working through a few different scenarios before deciding on the play to audition for, Roman conjuring up another Side and practicing asking them for help or thanking them for their assistance or apologizing for a wrongdoing. Slowly he started building worlds, polishing off characters, holding full conversations. There were more and more choices now. Everything was a choice. Every word was a choice that led to good or bad, happiness or hatred. Was this how Virgil saw the world, every sentence a pitfall? Roman hated it.

Yet made things a little better, made Roman feel a little better, a little more in control. Like a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure story, paging through each option before making his choice, messing up and being able to stumble back to the last moment of solid ground, searching for that good ending. Like a video game with infinite lives.

Ugh, a video game. That carried bad memories thanks to the disastrous episode after the wedding. Roman had gone in there completely blind, since he had no time to prepare with a few run-throughs, and it had gone off the rails. What was that analogy with Thomas’ dead friends? Why had he pushed Patton into blowing up? Why had he even tried to contribute to a discussion about morality, which he knew wasn’t his area of expertise? And why had...why had he laughed at Janus’ name?

He’d panicked. That’s what he’d done. He’d panicked and made all the worst choices he could. He’d panicked and showed his true colors as a thoughtless, heartless, egotistical villain. Honestly, it was a miracle he hadn’t been kicked out of the Light Sides on the spot.

But it was fine now. He’d managed to scrounge up some compassion from the others, they’d forgiven him, and it was fine. Well, he hadn’t stuck around to see whether they’d forgive him--expecting something in return wasn’t very kind of him. He didn’t need them to forgive him. Thomas forgave him, and that was more than enough.

So now all he had to do was not mess it up again.

Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.

Roman was already avoiding the other Sides as much as possible, but he dialed it up to eleven. He sneaked into the kitchen and stole a week’s worth of food. For some reason, it was depleted in three days. Either he’d miscounted the food or the days. But it was fine. He ate in the Imagination, and he felt full in there until he left, upon which his stomach would feel like it was trying to devour itself. After the third time he fainted, he figured he might want to start eating dinner with the others again.

So he spent half the afternoon practicing, ranging from best-case scenario of being politely tolerated to worst-case scenario of being stabbed by a fork. At least, he thought it was half the afternoon. It turned out to be twice as long as he’d aimed for. He’d missed dinner altogether. So Roman spent another night starving until he stumbled into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl of cereal. He hoped that no one would be there. But Patton was already flipping pancakes.

When in doubt, he’d learned from all the scenarios he’d ran through, smile and nod. So Roman smiled, nodded, and started to take his cereal back to his room.

“Stay,” Patton insisted, looking far happier to see him than usual. That probably meant trouble. “The others will be down soon, and we’ve all missed having you here for breakfast!”

Okay, that definitely meant trouble. And engage in conversation before finding the right things to say? Roman would be kicked out before anyone had the chance to finish their pancakes.

“I appreciate the gesture,” Roman said, trying for an ingratiating smile, “but I truly do have things to attend to--”

“You’ve been saying that for days.” Patton slid a few pancakes onto a plate. “Kiddo, what’s going on in that head of yours? There’s no reason for you to be working this hard.”

Ah, there was his angle. He was wondering what Roman was up to. As Thomas’ Creativity, any issues with creative output could affect everyone. That made sense, and that was a conversation Roman knew how to handle. He’d practiced this very scenario, what, two weeks ago? One week? It had been a Tuesday, he was sure of that, but he didn’t know which Tuesday. Well, whatever, he remembered how to handle this. Assure Patton that everything was fine on the creative front, that as far as he knew there were no issues with burnout, and thank him for his concern.

But then Logan stumbled into the room, yawning, and Roman’s plan went out the window. Logan was a new variable, and a volatile one at that. Logan hated him. Logan thought he was dramatic and worthless and annoying. More than once, Logan had ended up yelling at him in the Imagination. And in real life, if Roman was being honest. He couldn’t blame Logan, but sometimes it got on his nerves how seriously Logan took every little jab.

Still, it was just Patton and Logan. Logan would surely react well if Roman spoke of organization, promised to follow the schedule, and maybe slipped in a compliment or two. It was kind of sad how much Logan was flattered by compliments, even backhanded ones. Still, it wasn’t Roman’s place to check on his self-esteem. All Roman had to do was play into Logan’s hands.

This was fine. It was only two of them, it was only breakfast, and things would be fine.

And then Virgil slouched through the door, sat on the counter, and poured himself an ungodly amount of coffee.

Okay. Problem.

Virgil, for lack of a better word, was the most confusing side. He was run by a myriad of internal inconsistencies and perfected paranoia, his operating system a hodgepodge of self-consciousness, worry, and a million little tweaks and complexities. Roman could make a good imitation of Virgil on the outside--just slap in some gravely remarks and a general I-would-rather-be-sleeping attitude, and he had himself a decent Anxiety--but on the inside? He was lost. Virgil followed his own rules. There was no telling whether Virgil would freak out over something, no playbook for whether or not he lashed out, no step-by-step manual for how to keep Virgil happy. Virgil was always on edge, always on his toes, and always saying just a fragment of what he really thought.

Roman liked that, in a way. Virgil was different, but he liked that Virgil was different. Virgil could surprise him. Virgil could understand him. Virgil was a good friend.

However, with Patton and Logan already in the room, Roman really did not want to have Virgil around, too.

He cast around for an excuse that would be nice enough for Patton, serious enough for Logan, and not too suspicious so Virgil wouldn’t narrow his eyes and ask “who did you think you were fooling?” That had happened...more than once in the Imagination. Sometimes it was paired with a crack about Roman’s acting skills, which always stung.

Before Roman could find an adequate alibi, the door opened again.

“Apologies for being late,” Janus said, sliding into a chair, Remus following like a lost puppy. A puppy covered in green slime and sucking on a jar. “Remus wouldn’t stop throwing octopi at my head.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here now!” Patton slid plates of pancakes onto the table. “Enjoy, kiddos!”

Roman looked around at the room. Five people. Five chances to mess up. He couldn’t do this. He hadn’t practiced. There was no safety net to keep him from falling off the tightrope.

“Roman?” That was Janus’ voice. Smooth and suave and seeing right through him.

I can taste lies, Roman, and you’re coated in them.

Roman stood up abruptly. Everyone was looking at him now. Why had he ever grabbed the spotlight? This clinging attention made him want to curl up and hide.

“I-I need to go,” he stammered out. Before he could receive the consequences for his rudeness-abruptness-hesitance-everything, he sunk out. He left the bowl of cereal half-empty on the table.

The rest of his morning, which he’d planned to use to write, ended up alternating between hyperventilating and staring at the ceiling. He was doomed. Absolutely doomed. He’d made a fool of himself and probably offended, annoyed, angered or upset everyone there. Why had he even tried? Such a ridiculous idea, inserting himself in their lives like he belonged, like he was worthy to sit at their table and take up their time.

But he was greedy and selfish and didn’t want to just hide forever. It would be easiest to cut himself off. It would be easiest to lock his door and stay in his room unless summoned. It would be easiest to--no. He wouldn’t duck out. He couldn’t. He might be a defective Creativity, but he was the only Creativity Thomas had. Other than Remus, and Roman did not want to leave Remus in charge.

Then again, he couldn’t possibly mess up more than Roman had. If Roman wasn’t the hero, maybe Remus wasn’t the villain, and maybe Roman should just--

Ugh. Roman rubbed his eyes and tried to scrub the thoughts from his head. They’d always lurked in the back of his skull like an itch he couldn’t scratch, but ever since the court case, they’d returned with a vengeance. And after the latest episode? It took all his power to keep them at bay.

Well. Breakfast may have been disastrous, but this wasn’t the end of things. He would just have to practice more, is all. He wouldn’t freeze up if he had a better handle on how his friends really acted. This would be fine as soon as he was perfect at it.

So he practiced. Every day, he practiced. He did the work for Thomas and ate a meal or two, then spent the rest of his time fabricating conversations. He had one-on-ones with all the Sides. He talked to them in groups. He practiced dissolving tense situations and coming to compromises and not getting yelled at for being an idiot. He learned his way around Patton and Virgil and Logan and Remus and Janus and Thomas. He found the best cadence, the best tone, the best vocabulary.

And he messed up. Over and over and over again. At his best, he managed to avoid full-on blowouts, but after he got tired? He was berated. He was mocked. He was laughed-at and shunned and told to “just leave and make the world a better place.” He cried and that just made the situations worse, he said “Cut” and felt like a coward who couldn’t face the truth, he ran out of the Imagination and curled up on his bed and tried to get his breathing back under control. Some days, it was like a nightmare he could never wake from.

But it was worth it. On the miraculous occasions when Roman did everything right, he would get praise. Patton would beam at him. Janus would apologize for hurting him. Logan would give him a little nod. Virgil would smirk and say he “really wasn’t so bad.” And Thomas...Thomas would look at Roman the way he used to, like Roman was still his hero.

Once he even got a hug from Patton. It made his arms burn and his insides go cold and hollow. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hugged. Patton used to mandate group hugs, but everything was so tense now, and everyone avoided everyone else. Or perhaps they just avoided Roman. That would make sense.

When Roman played his cards right, he got the good ending. Which meant it was possible to get in real life, too. It was possible to maintain peace and remain accepted and even manage to be a good friend. However, the real world always threw Roman off. He panicked, froze like a deer in headlights, and his tongue curled up whenever he had to speak. He fumbled through conversations, conscious of the weight of the eyes on him, and retreated to the safety of his room.

He just needed more practice, he told himself. It would be fine.

He spent whole days in the Imagination. He brought his lunch in there with him, so he could practice eating and talking. He slept in there some nights, conjuring up a bed because he was too tired to make his way back to his real room. Sleeping in the Imagination was strange because he never knew when he’d woken up again. Everything was dreamlike and artificial. He’d stumble into his real room and pinch himself over and over again until he was sure he’d woken up.

Logan assigned Roman a brainstorming session. Roman made a note of the date and spent the day before it prepping. He had a few ideas, none of them fantastic, but hopefully Logan would be able to expand on them.

“Where have you been?” Logan asked when Roman showed up in the living room. “The session was supposed to be two days ago.”

“What?” Roman blinked and mentally ran through what he’d been doing for the past week. Oh. He must have lost track of time in the Imagination again. “I...it’s...what day is it?”

The date he got in response, along with a confused expression, cemented the truth. He was two days late.

“I'm so sorry,” Roman blurted out. “Completely lost track of time.”

“It’s perfectly alright,” Logan said, but he was still eyeing Roman suspiciously. Roman quickly quieted to hear what Logan was going to do.

“I’m free now.” Logan patted the couch next to him. “We can brainstorm now, if you would like.”

Which answer was the correct one? Logan could be annoyed about the whole thing and looking for a chance to insult Roman. But he looked earnest enough. He probably wanted to get things over with and give Thomas some good ideas. Okay, that was fine. This was fine! Roman was doing great already. The ‘missed the date’ thing wasn’t optimal, but other than that, this was going so much better than it usually did.

So Roman shared his ideas. He made sure to hesitate before each one, so Logan could stop him if need be. He peppered in a few compliments, kept his voice level, and pointed out the flaws before Logan could. Everything was efficient. Logan tried to make conversation at some point, but Roman knew that was a trap and would just lead to Logan getting annoyed at Roman “getting off-track” or “not taking this seriously.” So Roman didn’t take the bait, only talking about the ideas. Logan frowned a bit but followed his lead.

As soon as the ideas were finished with, Roman cleared up his space and stood up. Lingering after he was needed never ended well.

“You’re leaving?” Logan asked.

“We’re done, are we not?”

“Of course,” Logan said, but he didn’t look convinced. Oh no. Roman had done something wrong and now Logan was going to yell at him.

“Is there something you need?” Roman asked after a few seconds of silence. He tried to sound polite instead of dismissive, but the tone didn’t come off how he liked, and he winced.

“No, I--” Logan paused. “We’re...we’re watching the filmed version of Hamilton tomorrow night. If you’d like to join us, that...would be adequate.”

“I--” Roman tried very hard to keep from squealing and jumping around the room in excitement. “Sure! I’d love to.”

Was that too eager? No, Logan just looked...relieved. Almost happy. Patton had put him up to this, probably, and he didn’t want to fail at even a simple task. Well, Roman was glad he could give Specs an ego-boost for the day.

Roman quickly excused himself before Logan could take the invitation back. He closed the door behind him, hopped up and down, and squealed. He shook his fists and twirled around and hummed a few lines of Hamilton. Because it was Hamilton! And someone wanted him to be there! He would get to watch Hamilton with his whole fam-ILY!

He was going to watch Hamilton.

With everyone.

Oh, no.

This was bad. This was very, very bad. It was tomorrow night. He would be watching the Hamilfilm with everyone. So, so many chances to mess up. And he’d never practiced a movie night scenario before. He’d figured it would never actually happen in real life.

But here it was. He was invited. And he only had a day to prepare.

So Roman spent an entire day in the Imagination, watching Hamilton over and over with the other Sides surrounding him. He practiced eating just enough popcorn, laughing quietly, and making jokes. What he found? The best way to maintain peace was to simply shut up. No snippy comments, they annoyed Logan, who was trying to focus. No singing, it got on Virgil’s nerves. No trying to talk to Patton, who sat next to him. Patton didn’t want to talk to Roman. Every time he opened his mouth, things went wrong, and he was left curled up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and Lin-Manuel Miranda singing onscreen.

It was a good film. The close-ups were fun and the choreography was top-notch. Maybe Roman would watch it on his own later and actually get to sing along. Then again, he’d seen it ten times or more now, thanks to all his run-throughs of every possible scenario. Any magic the show possessed at first had drained away.

He wasn’t late to the movie night, thank goodness. Patton smiled and made room for him on the couch. Roman took just the right amount of popcorn, ignoring the yowling of his stomach, and settled in to watch. They were all in the positions he’d practiced with. Patton curled up on the couch, Virgil perched on top of it, Janus sprawled on the floor, Logan in the chair nearby, and Remus behind the TV. Patton was giggling over all the puns, Virgil was trying not to look excited and failing, Logan was monologuing under his breath, Janus was rapping along, and Remus was digging around between his toes.

And Roman stayed silent. He tamped down his excitement and simply nodded along to the music. He let Logan rant about the costume design and Virgil poke fun at some of the jokes. He let Janus hum the tunes and Remus shout out all the innuendos. It ached to just sit there, almost as if he wasn’t present, but he knew that being invisible was the only way he could leech off this comfort and familiarity. He had been included, and he wasn’t going to mess this up.

“Hey, Roman?” Patton asked during the intermission. “You doing okay?”

“Of course!” Roman declared. “Why do you ask?”

“You’ve been kind of...quiet?” Patton’s eyebrows were furrowed. “I thought you’d like this. I know how much you love Hamilton.”

And what could Roman say? That he’d already seen this exact film a dozen times in preparation? That he’d seen every ending where he spoke up, and none of them were good? That he really wasn’t in the mood to be yelled at when he couldn’t just stop the scenario and cry on his own?

“Apologies,” Roman said instead. “I’m...I’m just tired.”

Patton looked about to continue the conversation, but What’d I Miss had begun to play, so he turned back to the TV and let it be. Roman settled in for the second act. He really wished he could just leave, but he still liked being surrounded by his friends, and they’d think it was rude if he said goodnight early.

He kept quiet, despite Patton’s confusion. He caught Virgil giving him weird looks, Janus pausing before every song like he expected Roman to join in, and even Logan eventually ran out of steam and fell almost silent.

“This is such a good song!” Patton exclaimed, humming the upper part. Janus took the lower. “Does anyone else want to sing with us?”

It was a completely transparent attempt to get Roman to sing. But no. Even if Patton seemed to want it, he’d quickly tire of Roman’s dramatics, and Virgil and Logan would hate Roman for being such a nuisance. So Roman just shrugged and smiled, enjoying Patton’s cheerful humming and Janus’ smooth vocals, pretending he didn’t wish that he could slip in between them and sing along.

Pretending was all Roman was good at, wasn’t it?

When Hamilton ended, Patton smiled and said “Wanna watch something else, guys?”

“How about Disney?” Virgil asked, watching Roman carefully. “I know one of us would like that.”

“Actually,” Roman said, standing up and stretching, “I'm quite fatigued, and a prince needs his beauty sleep. You can continue without me! I hope you have a wonderful night.”

Everyone shared glances, but Roman didn’t stick around to figure out what they meant. He waved and sunk out, returning to his room and sitting on the floor for a long, long time.

That was all he’d ever wanted. A chance to be part of the group. And he hadn’t even messed it up. So why did it feel so empty?

Roman was struck with a horrible thought. Had he left the Imagination? Was that the real movie night? Or was it just another scenario? Maybe he hadn’t watched the real Hamilton at all. That would explain why everyone was acting so strangely, all quiet and hesitant. No, it wouldn’t, because they would act the same as he expected, that was how the Imagination worked--

Roman reached out and ran his fingers over the carpet. This was real. That was real. Everything had happened for real. He couldn’t imagine the little details, like the reflections of the TV in Patton’s glasses, the threadbare edge of Virgil’s hoodie, the time Logan started singing along and immediately flushed bright red.

Still, the next morning, he casually mentioned to Patton the Hamilton movie. Just to make sure.

And Patton laughed and agreed. So it had really happened. That was good.

It apparently hadn’t a week or so later, after a long session of possible-movie-nights so he could be prepared if he was invited again.

“Did you know female crabs lay between 1,000 and 2,000 eggs?” Remus asked in the middle of lunch. “What I’m saying is, there are enough crabs to take over the world and make us all their servants.”

“You already told us that,” Roman said, smiling.

“I did?”

“Yeah, during Moana, remember?”

That got Roman a long, blank stare. Then Remus finally said, “I haven’t watched Moana in months, bro. And I’ve never watched it with you.”

“Huh?” Roman thought back to when he’d seen Moana. It was a dark night with storms on the horizon, and Patton had fallen asleep during the first song, and Logan had gotten annoyed at Roman hiccuping so Roman started over--

Oh.

“Whoops!” Roman laughed. “That didn’t actually happen. My bad.”

Remus was looking at him like he was insane, which was strange, because usually Remus was the one who was probably insane.

“Gotta go,” Roman said quickly, and disappeared. He spent the rest of the day berating himself for being an idiot and telling himself everything was fine. He’d just gotten a little confused, is all. He’d get some sleep tonight and he’d be fine tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning, he hadn’t slept a wink, and he wasn’t even sure it was tomorrow morning. Time was starting to blend together. Roman woke up and he didn’t know what day it was. Roman forgot he could say “Cut” in the Imagination because he forgot it was the Imagination. Roman said “Cut” in the middle of a conversation in the real world and had to quickly cover for it. Roman showed up for a deadline a week early. Roman made a joke about something Virgil hadn’t actually said. Roman flinched when Patton entered the room after a long lecture from Patton that hadn’t actually happened. Roman assumed one conversation hadn’t happened until it was referenced again and he realized it was real. Roman found himself panicking in the middle of the day, unable to name whether things were real or not.

Yes, he could feel everything around him, but was he really here? Was this the Imagination? He felt disconnected from his own body, unable to make any choices, unable to settle his thoughts. He found himself curled on the floor, shaking, running his hands over his outfit and trying to tell himself it really existed. Trying to stop himself from crying.

Everything was fine. His interactions with the Sides were good, nobody hated him, everything was peaceful. It didn’t matter if Roman felt like the world was careening around him. All that mattered was serenity for the Sides and success for Thomas. If everyone else was happy, it was fine.

Roman tried mentioning it to them. In the Imagination, of course, so there would be no real-world impact. Everyone was mad.

It was Janus who stuck out to Roman the most, because Janus was the one who grabbed Roman by the arm and said he was being selfish, didn’t he want to be better than a villain, clearly they had made a mistake allowing him to stick around. And he tossed Roman into the Subconscious, screaming. That would be where Roman woke up, if this was a nightmare, but it wasn’t. He had to snap his fingers and crumple to the ground in his room, gasping for breath.

Janus showed up at his door a few days later. Roman said “Just a minute!” so he could run through some breathing exercises and calm his shaking hands and recite the pointers for interacting with Janus. Let Janus have control of the conversation, apologize whenever necessary, and don’t rise to any of his bait.

“Roman?” Janus asked.

“Why, hello!” Roman said, opening the door just a bit so Janus couldn’t see the mess. He hadn’t spent any time cleaning his room. He’d been busy practicing. “What brings you here, Janus?” No clever nickname. Clever nicknames had been generally frowned upon in the Imagination.

“I...” Janus looked uncharacteristically...nervous. “I wanted to talk to you. Check on you.”

“Oh?” Roman asked, his stomach dropping. “And why is that?”

“I can sense lies,” Janus said. “As you know. And...I--you--”

Roman froze.

“I’m not accusing you of anything,” Janus said quickly, “I’m just concerned. We all are. I know you’re upset with me for what happened, and I’m truly sorry about that. We all are. Just...we would appreciate, even if you can’t forgive us, for you to tolerate us? You haven’t been yourself lately, and we’d appreciate--I’d appreciate--to know how we can make it up to you.”

Roman needed to answer. But all he could see was Janus grabbing him with an angry light in his eyes, Janus snapping at him when he said the wrong thing, Janus saying he was selfish and evil and not worth anyone’s time, Janus laughing at Roman’s discomfort, Janus calling him the evil twin, Janus sending him to the Subconscious and telling him to never come back--

“Roman?” Janus was stepping forward, concern on his face, but all Roman heard was the rushing of blood in his ears. All he saw was Janus’ twisted smile as he tore Roman down.

“I--” Roman stumbled backwards. “Don’t--”

“Don’t what?” Janus asked.

“I have to go.” Roman turned away so Janus couldn’t see the tears in his eyes. He fumbled with his doorknob and slammed the door in Janus’ face, sinking down as soon as it was closed, leaning on the wood. Breathe. He needed to breathe. Count from one to ten and back to one, in and out, big breaths. He needed to stop crying.

“Roman?” he heard from the other side of the door. Oh, no. He’d forgotten to make sure his room was soundproof.

Janus had heard him. He’d heard him crying.

Roman dug his fingers into his arm. Stupid.

“Roman, are you okay?”

Roman tried to muster up a “Yes, sorry, I’m busy/tired/alright.” Tried to find the perfect cadence and the perfect words. But he was so far from perfect right now.

“Go away,” he said to the door.

“Roman--”

“Go away!” he screamed. “Leave me alone!”

There was silence. Maybe Janus had listened to someone else for once in his life. Roman laughed a bit and found himself crying again. He’d messed up. He’d messed up for good. He hadn’t followed the script, he’d allowed himself to be weak, and now Janus would never talk to him again.

Roman didn’t even bother to practice that night. He curled up in his bed and listened to his playlist of breakup songs and cried his eyes out. By morning, his face was red and blotchy and the searing pain in his heart had turned to a dull ache. He wasn’t ready to face the other sides by any means, of course, but he felt a little more prepared to accept his fate.

So when he heard a hesitant knock on his door and a “Kiddo, can you come downstairs for a bit?” Roman braced himself and obeyed the order.

He immediately stiffened when he saw all five of the Sides, plus Thomas, sitting in the living room. Great. Thomas was here. He could be told by his Center that he was useless. All he’d ever dreamed of.

“You okay?” Patton asked. “If--if you just want to talk to one of us, or only some of us, that’s fine. Just say the word, kiddo.”

“It’s fine,” Roman said, even though it wasn’t. “Where do I sit?”

Virgil gestured at the middle of the couch. Roman slowly sat down, surrounded by the people he used to call friends, the same organization as movie nights. As all the fake scenarios he’d run. He felt so unprepared now, so naked, laid bare for everyone to see. He hadn’t even bothered to make sure his face was clear. At least he wasn’t panicking. He just felt numb and adrift.

“Greetings,” Roman said, smiling at everyone.

“Roman,” Janus said, and Roman flinched.

“We need to talk,” Thomas said, and Roman nodded. He knew.

“Clearly there are some things we need to sort out.” Logan adjusted his glasses. “About last night, and, well, the past few months.”

Roman swallowed. “I’m sorry. I’m--I’m so sorry.”

“What?” Virgil frowned. “What’re you sorry for? We were gonna say that we were sorry.”

Roman lost his train of thought. “What?” he finally stammered, looking around for a clue.

“We’re sorry,” Thomas said. “Clearly you’ve been hurting and angry with us, and we assumed that would change on its own if we gave you time, but--”

“It just made things worse.” Patton smiled softly. “So...we’re sorry. Really sorry.”

“You’re sorry,” Roman repeated blankly. “All of you?”

“I know it doesn’t mean much.” Roman looked to Logan, who was fidgeting with his tie, staring at his feet. “But we hope we can make up for...mistakes. We might have made. Prior.”

“That episode was not ideal,” Janus said. “And despite my anger, I should not have said the things I did. So yes. We are sorry. I am sorry.”

“I’m not apologizing,” Remus said from where he was sandblasting a sculpture of male anatomy. “Didn’t do anything wrong. But seriously bro, you’re acting really freaky and not in the fun way, so yeah. Talk it out or whatever.”

“Thanks, Remus,” Patton said, and he actually sounded thankful.

“I--” Roman regretted opening his mouth the moment all heads swung back towards him. “What?”

“Um, we’re sorry?” Virgil gave him a weird look. “Thought we made it pretty clear, Princey.”

Roman looked at each of them. They all looked sincere. They all watched him with varying degrees of concern and apologetic hesitation. Their eyes burned into his skin. He felt like he was floating off the couch. He dug his hands into the fabric but he couldn’t feel it between his fingers.

“I...I forgive you,” he said slowly, the movements of his mouth not matching the words. Why did everything feel like it was underwater? Why did everything seem so far away? He tried to figure out whether he was breathing. Yes, he was breathing, his chest kept contracting. He didn’t feel like he was breathing.

Something was wrong. Something was wrong, something was wrong, something was wrong--

“Roman?” Logan asked. Stood up. Stepped forward.

Roman pressed himself back against the couch.

Logan stopped. Held up his hands. Did Roman look scared? Was Roman scared? Maybe. He should be, he knew that, but everything was spinning.

Was he breathing?

No. He wasn’t breathing. He tried to take a deep breath but it turned out he had been breathing all along, and now his chest hurt. His heartbeat pounded in his ears.

Virgil was saying something. Roman flinched away from him. He didn’t want to get yelled at. Not yet. He just needed some time to remember how to move. He’d moved a second ago. Why wasn’t it working now?

“Roman!” cut through the haze in his mind. Virgil was sitting in front of him. That was weird. Virgil had been on top of the couch a second ago, right?

“Breathe,” Virgil was repeating. He reached for Roman’s hand and Roman flinched away involuntarily. A little spasm of hurt crossed Virgil’s face. Ugh, he’d made Virgil upset, stupid, stupid--

“Breathe, Roman, breathe!”

He was breathing, why couldn’t they see that? He was breathing fine.

“I’m fine,” Roman forced out. It felt like a punch in the stomach. And all of a sudden, everything fell back into place. His hands, clenching around the couch for dear life. His knees pressed together. His shoulders tensed. Virgil sitting near him, trying to get him to breathe, Janus and Logan and Patton and Thomas staring at him, shocked and worried.

“You’re not,” Virgil said.

Roman tried to fight back.

But he hadn’t been breathing this whole time.

And his chest was too tight to form words.

“Breathe,” Virgil said again, and Roman closed his eyes and breathed.

It hurt. It shouldn’t hurt this much to breathe. It shouldn’t make his head spin and his eyes water. But he breathed. He breathed in and out and let the air fill him up, travel to every corner of his body. He could feel everything now. Everything was real. Everything was too real, grating on him, pressing down around him. He could feel a million things. The air smelled like a million scents.

That exercise. Name five things, four things, three things. He felt everything. He heard everything. He tasted too much.

Everything was way too much.

It took too much effort to raise a hand.

He sunk out.

He crept into the Imagination, white upon white, nothing there but possibility and emptiness. He sat there and let the itchy wrong pour out of him, until he was wrung out on the floor, empty and exhausted. He curled up on the ground and slept. He could have gone to his bed, but he didn’t want the choking cover of sheets over him, the rustles of air around him. Here in the Imagination, it was quiet and still and he could just wait.

When he woke up, he’d crafted the living room in his head while he slept, because there was everyone right before he’d sunk out. Concerned and frozen and helpless. They were just trying to help, and he’d panicked for no reason.

Although. Now that he was awake, the whole situation was just weird. They were apologizing. To him. Why? Why on earth would they try to apologize? And why had Roman felt so off-kilter from the start? Why was everything so wrong?

Unless--

It hadn’t really happened.

Roman looked around at the facsimile he’d created. Down to the smallest details, it was perfect. He wouldn’t be able to tell the difference if he looked at it and the real room side-by-side.

It hadn’t happened, had it?

Roman didn’t know why that felt like such a blow. Of course it hadn’t happened. Why would it? There had been no signs of it happening before then, and it didn’t match what any of the Sides really thought of him. They wouldn’t apologize to him. They’d done nothing wrong! And they wouldn’t have been so scared and worried when Roman freaked out.

Great. His subconscious was desperate for validation and made him a nice little scenario. He didn’t realize he was that much of a pathetic, selfish, greedy mess.

But this was good! It meant there wouldn’t be any humiliation or strange looks when he returned to the real world. He could continue maintaining his facade, and none of them would judge him for his weakness. Or worse, feel forced to tolerate him out of pity.

Roman’s stomach growled. Well, fantastic. He didn’t want to face the Sides again, but he’d probably faint if he didn’t have any food. Was it even breakfast time? Maybe not. Time was an illusion anyway.

Well. He climbed to his feet, vanished the living room, and stretched his arms and legs. Then he tore a little door in the side of the Imagination and strolled into his own room. He checked himself in the mirror. He looked surprisingly good for someone who just had a breakdown surrounded by manufactured figments of his imagination that resembled the other Sides.

The kitchen wasn’t empty like he’d hoped. Patton and Logan were having a hushed conversation, Janus was occasionally adding to it while fixing up several mugs of tea, and Remus and Virgil were sprawled on the floor together, watching what seemed to be Coraline on Virgil’s phone. It was really sweet. Roman smiled to himself as he walked in, stepping carefully over Remus’ feet.

Patton and Logan froze as soon as Roman walked in. Janus looked around and almost dropped the mugs.

“Hello!” Roman said brightly, opening the cupboard and grabbing some cereal. “Sorry to disturb you, I’m just getting some cereal. Carry on!”

Virgil made a small choking noise. Roman looked over and saw that he was struggling to his feet, staring at Roman with wide eyes.

“What is it?” Roman asked after a few seconds when it became clear Virgil wasn’t going to talk. “Is there something wrong?”

“Where have you been?” everyone yelled simultaneously.

Roman blinked. “Oh? I--how long have I been gone? I truly didn’t mean for it to be that long. Is there something I missed?”

“We were so worried!” Patton was babbling, running up to Roman and looking him over. “You just sunk out, and we couldn’t find you anywhere, and Remus said you weren’t letting him into the Imagination, and--”

“What?” Roman asked. “When did I sink out?”

“Yesterday,” Logan said. “After our conversation in the living room? You appeared distressed and sunk out before we could continue it.”

“Our conversation in the--” Roman froze. He thought he’d left the Imagination behind! Had he only fooled himself into leaving? Had he just sliced through one layer and tumbled into another, tossed between different pages of a book? Perhaps he was still dreaming, even. No, even his lucid dreaming wasn’t as realistic as this.

“Roman?” Patton asked, reaching forward but stopping himself, the concern painfully obvious in his face.

“Cut,” Roman murmured, waiting for the scene to change.

Nothing happened.

“What did you say?” Logan asked, frowning.

“Nothing,” Roman blurted out, stepping backwards. He tried to mentally tear the scene apart, go back to the start, rewind, pause, anything. There was no movement. All the Sides continued to stare at him.

There was something wrong. Why wasn’t the Imagination answering him? It was attuned to his every thought, molded by assumption and creation, a place where Roman was in complete control. It wouldn’t just not listen to him. Unless--

Unless this was real after all.

Which meant...

“We talked yesterday,” Roman said slowly, gauging the reactions. “That was real?”

“What?” Virgil asked. “Of course it was real, what are you talking about?”

It was real.

He’d really been in that room. They’d really apologized to him. And he’d really had a breakdown on the couch in front of everyone he knew.

“Wonderful,” Roman said. “Fantastic. Amazing. I have to go.”

“Wait,” Janus said.

Roman did not wait. He turned on his heel and practically sprinted out of the kitchen. Cereal be damned. He should have sunk out, but his thoughts were too fragmented to picture his own room, and he was afraid that the shifting of worlds around him would throw him off again. He’d just managed to get a handle on reality. He wasn’t in a mood to mess with it.

That was his mistake, though. Because as he bolted down the hallway, a figure collided with his chest and sent him to the ground.

“What--” Roman rubbed his shoulder and stared up at Remus. Remus stuck out his tongue, hands on his hips. Two octopus tentacles wrapped around Roman’s chest and held him in place.

“Remus!” Roman cried in annoyance.

“Got him!” Remus yelled.

There were footsteps behind him. Roman looked around and saw the other Sides approaching. He tried to wriggle out of Remus’ grasp, then tried to sink out, but the stupid slimy tentacles kept him in place.

“Let me go,” Roman complained as a bit of goop slipped down his leg.

“Only if you promise not to run again, bro.”

Roman sighed. “Promise. Now let me go.”

The tentacles made a little slurping noise and disappeared into Remus’ back. Roman jumped up and started wiping the slime off his uniform. Ugh, it was a mess. He’d need to conjure a new costume now! Yes, he could just snap the stains away, but he’d still feel the uncleanness in his soul.

“Disgusting,” Roman said as his fingers came away green and slippery. “Seriously. Did you have to do that?”

“You high-tailed it the heck out of there,” Patton said apologetically. “And we really need to talk.”

Roman bit his lip. “Yeah. I--I know.”

“Do you think...” Logan looked around. “Speaking in the hallway is not an optimal place. Perhaps we should go to the living room.”

“Or the real world.” Virgil curled into himself the moment everyone looked his direction. “What? I think Thomas should be there.”

Roman flinched at the mention of Thomas, and now all eyes were on him again, cloying and cloaking him in concern.

“Not if you don’t want to,” Virgil added. “Duh.”

“I--sure.” It would hurt to see Thomas, to have Thomas finally condemn him, but it was best to get everything out of the way at once. Like ripping off a bandaid or the sword from the stone. “That works for me.”

“Is he busy?” Patton asked.

“He’s watching Parks and Recreation,” Janus said. “Honestly, I think we’ll be doing him a favor by interrupting.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Logan said firmly. “This is important.”

Roman swallowed down the lump of ice in his throat. Yeah, he supposed it was important. They’d finally seen how weak and worthless his Creativity was, and they needed to decide what to do immediately, before Roman’s problems affected Thomas’ creative performance.

“Glad we’re decided.” Janus clapped his hands. Half of them rose up in the living room and the other half appeared in the living room. Roman was in his usual spot by the crooked lamp, Virgil stood by the stairs, Logan in front of the kitchen, Patton by the blinds. Remus sprawled on the floor near Roman and Janus stood by the sofa.

“Thomas?” Logan asked.

Thomas, true to Janus’ word, had been watching Parks and Recreation. When Logan called his name, he paused the TV, jumping up.

“Hey, guys!” Thomas said. “What’s the matter? Thought we didn’t have that filming session until later.”

Virgil winced. “Yeah. Um. There’s...there’s a bit of a...situation?”

“A what?” Thomas looked around and seemed to finally see the serious looks on everyone’s faces. “What happened?”

“Who’d like to tell him?” Janus asked, his eyes lingering on Roman. A clear invitation.

"I--” Roman’s voice cracked, and he swallowed. “I can regale him with the tale, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Go for it, kiddo.” Patton’s usual encouraging smile was nowhere to be found. It made Roman feel strangely empty.

Roman could easily tell a lie. Leave things out. But Janus was staring right at him, so he knew even a lie of omission would be detected.

And besides, they deserved to know just how much of a screwup he was.

“So.” Roman placed a hand on his chest. “I, as the prince of your dreams, possess a land known as the Imagination. It is a place where I can conjure creations and sift through stories until an idea sticks. Remus has his own version.”

“Damn straight,” Remus agreed, sticking a lollipop up his nose. “Mine has all the cool stuff. Roman just uses his for rescue missions and heroic quests or whatever.”

“They’re fun,” Roman argued, before he remembered talking back was not the way to handle any conversation. Thankfully, Remus seemed occupied with shoving the lollipop nearer to his brain, and didn’t fight him on it.

“Well, yes, that’s the general idea,” Roman continued, turning back to the others. “I also use it, sometimes, to practice. Run through scenarios. A rehearsal of sorts before any big discussion.”

“Like what we did after I missed Joan’s performance?” Thomas asked.

“Exactly! That was what gave me the idea, actually.” Roman waved a hand. “It helps me feel more in control of the situation and avoid messing things up. I can predict how you will all react and find the best way to navigate a conversation.”

“Okay,” Virgil said slowly, “I can already predict where this might go wrong, but keep talking.”

“Then, you know, we had...” Roman scratched at the back of his neck. “The most recent episode. In which I said some rather unsavory and unprincely things to our snaky sixth side, which I am truly and deeply sorry for.”

“You’re forgiven,” Janus said almost instantly. Everyone stared at him. “What?” he asked. “It’s been months. Roman was upset and lashed out, I understand he didn’t mean to hurt me. Quite honestly, I was more concerned that he hadn’t forgiven me.”

Roman tried to hide his complete and utter shock. He didn’t realize Janus was such a good person as to feel guilty for that! Well, Janus needed all the Sides to tolerate him in order to help Thomas, that was probably the reason.

“Of course I’ve forgiven you!” Roman declared. “You were upset and you fired back, and the jab was not uncalled for. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Janus frowned slightly.

“Anyway,” Roman said, looking back at Thomas. “After that, I started practicing more often, and...I began losing track of time? Also, being exposed to that amount of rejection a day was--draining. My creative processes have suffered thanks to the amount of time I’ve spent improving my interpersonal expertise. So I apologize for that, deeply and sincerely. I promise I’ll be on-track soon--”

“Wait.” Logan looked deep in thought. “What do you mean, ‘that amount of rejection?’”

“Oh.” Virgil winced. “Knew it was gonna be something like that.”

“What?” Patton asked.

“Okay, Princey. Tell me if this sounds familiar.” Virgil blew his bangs out of his eyes. “You’re basically running through worse-case scenarios. Sure, you tell yourself they’re all accurate, but they’re the worst kind of accurate. They’re the stuff that wouldn’t actually happen. Probably on some level you get that it’s completely ridiculous to think you’d ever get that response or be in that situation, but it still seems plausible, so you keep doing it. And you start overthinking every little choice until you’re convinced you’re doomed to failure and think everyone hates you even though in real life, everyone thinks you’re great.”

Roman stared at Virgil for a very long time. There was a lot to unpack there. “How did you--”

“I’m literally Anxiety,” Virgil said, smirking. “That’s exactly what I do. Like every day.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound healthy,” Patton murmured.

“No, it isn’t,” Virgil said, giving Roman a pointed look. “Anyway. Continue.”

“Um. Alright.” Roman braced himself. “So I was having the conversation with the other Sides and you and I may-have-not-known-whether-it-was-real-or-not-and-it-was-rather-terrifying.”

“What happened?” Thomas asked quietly.

“He had a panic attack,” Logan said. It could have been blunt, but it wasn’t. It was hesitant and soft, softer than Roman had ever heard Logan be, save for when Virgil was upset.

Thomas looked at Roman, and Roman pointedly stared at the floor, clasping his hands behind his back and trying not to bounce nervously.

“He’s been acting strangely for a while,” Janus added. Again, his voice was strangely soft. “It would...it would make sense, his apprehension whenever we talked to him, if Virgil’s theory is correct and he’s worried that we hate him.”

Roman frowned. “Wait, you don’t?”

That got everyone’s attention. Roman’s stomach dropped to the floor as Patton made a little sad noise, Virgil grimaced, and Logan stepped back like he’d been punched.

“No!” Thomas exclaimed. “Of course not!”

Roman laughed a little, waiting for the punch line. None came.

“We don’t hate you!” Patton managed, his eyes filling with tears. “Oh my goodness, Roman, we love you!”

“You’re fun to stab,” Remus said from the floor. “And, like, fun. In general.”

“You’re intelligent and thoughtful and creative...” Logan waved his hands. “I envy you and your ability to fight for your ideas and create such impactful stories. I have always valued you.”

“You’re...” Virgil swallowed. “You make us better. Make me better. Always.”

“I--” Roman covered his mouth. “You’re lying. You can’t--”

“I can taste lies, remember?” Janus smiled at Roman, a smile so different than his usual smirk, reassuring and steady. “They’re not.”

Roman couldn’t stop a little whimper from escaping. “I didn’t mess up?”

“No,” Thomas said, face open and caring and so, so soft. “You’re still you. You’re not perfect, but none of us are. You’re clearly so remorseful about your mistakes. Roman...you’re my hero. Always have been, always will be.”

Roman tried to take a deep breath and steady himself, but it caught in his throat. “You--” He shook his head and found words spilling from his lips. “I thought I ruined everything, you said I did, you said I was selfish and evil and worthless and I should just duck out and--”

“We never said any of that.” Logan shook his head. “We would never say any of that. Those are blatant falsehoods.”

“That’s not us,” Virgil said. “That’s what you were telling yourself.”

“The Imagination isn’t realistic.” Remus gave Roman a long look. “Never has been. It’s not what life is really like. It’s always warped by how we see the world. So basically, Raggedy Ann is right. That stuff you thought we’d say to you? Total bull. You unreliable-narrator-ed yourself, bro-bro.” Remus smiled a little bit. “Happens to the best of us.”

“You’re amazing.” Patton’s jaw was set. “You’re wonderful and special and worth the world. I love you. We love you and we need you here. And--and I’m so sorry we didn’t see you were hurting.”

“It’s not your fault,” Roman said. “I’ve always been a good actor, right?”

That got another long silence.

“Kiddo,” Patton said, “would you like a hug?”

“What?” Roman asked.

“A hug,” Patton clarified, but that didn’t make any more sense. Why would Patton want to hug Roman?

“Hugs have been scientifically proven to increase mood,” Logan added.

Thomas just opened his arms.

Roman stumbled forward, waiting for Thomas to pull away from him, but nothing happened.

Roman sunk into Thomas’ arms.

Warm. Fire. Burning up and down his skin, heating him up from the inside. Roman buried his face in Thomas’ shoulder as Thomas’ arms came up and circled Roman. Thomas rubbed at Roman’s back. Roman whined--embarrassing, but it felt so good.

And then there was more. Patton, wrapping around his waist and pressing his cheek into Roman’s sash. Logan, running his hands through Roman’s hair. Virgil, curling up into Roman’s side and pressing against his chest. Remus, a little exuberant but surprisingly gentle, ruffling Roman’s hair and placing his head on Roman’s shoulder. A gloved hand traced Roman’s cheek, and Roman reached up to hold it. Janus smiled back at him.

“Guys, you--” Roman choked on his own words and realized he was going to cry. Great. Just what the moment needed--Roman ruining it by being sensitive--

“Hey.” Thomas squeezed him tighter. “It’s okay, Roman. Let it out.”

“Really?” Roman asked, his voice small.

“You seem to need it,” Logan said.

“So go ahead.” Virgil smiled. “No judgement here.”

Roman closed his eyes and a few hot tears dripped down his face. He took a deep, shaky breath. Then Janus ran a thumb across his cheekbone, burning and soft, and Roman broke. He sobbed into Thomas’ shoulder, holding onto his friends--his friends--for dear life. Patton made a few little encouraging noises, and Thomas whispered little things. It’s alright. It’s okay. You’re safe, we’re real, we love you.

Roman grasped on the words like they were his lifelines.

He didn’t really believe them. Not yet. But oh, how he wanted to.

“We should...” Logan said after a long time, after Roman’s tears had long dried but he’d remained in the hug to soak up the warmth. “We need to talk about this. We need to...make a plan. Find out how to be better.”

“Later.” That was Janus. “For now, I think we could all use a movie night.”

Virgil snorted. “It’s like ten in the morning.”

“Movie morning, then.” Janus looked to Thomas. “Does that sound good?”

“It sounds great.” Thomas smiled as Patton snapped his fingers and onesies replaced their usual outfits. Even Logan was wearing his unicorn onesie. “What do you guys want to watch?”

“Uh--” Roman waved a hand hesitantly. “Um. Can I--”

“Go ahead,” Patton said.

“I’d...I’d like to watch Hamilton? I...I knew--I thought. I thought you wouldn’t like it if I sang, and I, um. I didn’t enjoy it that much.”

“Neither did we,” Virgil said. “Missed having you rapping along.”

“That sounds adequate,” Logan said, flashing Roman a smile and leading the way to the couch. “I’ll get it ready. Thomas, some snacks?”

Thomas walked into the kitchen with Patton, and they pulled some snacks out of the cupboard. Roman sat down with Logan, Remus, Virgil, and Janus. Virgil sat by his shoulder and pressed his leg against Roman’s side. Janus lay a hand on Roman’s. Remus lay across Roman’s feet. And Logan bumped shoulders with Roman. The touch was warm and fiery and made Roman want to giggle uncontrollably. So he did, just a bit. Nobody seemed to mind.

Thomas and Patton came back with snacks, distributing them. Logan turned on the TV. And the first lines of Hamilton started to play.

It took Roman three songs to work up the courage to sing along. When he did, Patton’s smile lit up the room. Janus dipped lower to harmonize. Virgil huffed happily. Remus clapped his hands. And Logan consented to add a few notes in, here and there.

Thomas just stared at Roman, and for once, the attention wasn’t stifling. Because for once, Roman knew he wouldn’t be judged.

“This is real,” he whispered to no one. “Right?”

"It’s real, Princey.” Virgil reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “We’ve got you.”

Roman smiled.

And for the first time in months, he felt at peace.

Taglist (ask to be included or removed!):

@the17thmeatball

@most-likely-fandom

@csi-baker-street-babes

@caffeinated-cryptid

@thefivecalls

@ollyollyoxinfree

@the-gay-is-back

Taglist as sourced from @the-taglist-repository:

@k1ngtok1 @just-your-typical-trans-guy @itsabsurd-and-terrifying @cottonwoolsocks @idont-freaking-know @hitmewiththatfanart33 @legendsgates @nonasficcollection @enby-phoenix @evoodo123 @hekking-happy-nonsense @demoniccheese83 @rainbowbowtie @10moonymhrivertam @katelynn-a-fan @dwbh888 @royal-stormcloud @ananonsplace @brain-deadx0 @the-grounded-raven @grouptalekindnesssoul @the-hoely-bleach @anvil527up @fanficloverinthesun @smileyzs @robinwritesshitposts @thatgaydemigodnerd @callboxkat @potatsanderssides @just-a-random-enb @demoniccheese83 @somehow-i-got-an-account @silverobsidion-speaks @a-fandom-trashdump

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logically-asexual · 3 years

Text

Hold me like you mean it

summary:

Logan’s feelings for Virgil and the fact that now Virgil barely notices him are stopping him from getting any work done. Janus offers a way for Logan to cope, by disguising himself into Anxiety. but is this really what Logan needs? and what’s in it for Janus, anyway?

Alternatively, an angsty story about rejection, denial, and manipulation.

warnings: (for the whole fic) unrequited love, rejection, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, gaslighting, dependency, dubious consent and non consent for kissing, sad ending, depression (vaguely described), angst in general, nightmares, self harm. let me know what else i should add.

taglist: @gummibearbullet @chara-07 @the-sympathetic-villain

Read on AO3

Chapter 5

words: 1147

When Logan arrived at his room a sense of relief washed over him. But there was another feeling, one he couldn’t quite name. The sort of sensation one feels after finishing a long movie and getting out of the cinema into the intense luminosity and fresh air of the street. It was nice, he felt revitalized and animated to continue with his activities. He would only work one more hour before beginning his routine to get ready for bed, but that hour turned out to be the most efficient one he had had in months. Not a single emotion got in the way of his concentration, feeling nothing but motivation continue. Later, he fell asleep peacefully as soon as his head was laid on the pillow.

The following morning, Logan spotted the notebook he had intended to take to Janus’ room on his bookshelf. He thought he recalled grabbing it, but apparently he hadn’t. Either way, he took it out and opened it to begin writing. He titled the page “Observations about Deceit’s room”. First, he wrote the physical aspects of it, including the dark lighting (which Janus appeared to have control over), the reflective floor, and the color palette of the furniture. However, once he moved on to the possible psychological effects, he found himself at a loss. He had noticed a number of behaviors that he wouldn’t normally exhibit, but he couldn’t tell apart which might have been caused by the room and which merely by the situation that occurred there. He settled on one sentence: “It was unexpectedly easy to get lost in the illusion, and to blur the boundaries between reality and fiction.”

Over the next weeks, Logan was able to continue his work with productivity. His projects weren’t hard, since Thomas didn’t require a lot from him lately, but they certainly had taken too long when he couldn’t focus on them. Now that he visited Janus, he was able to free his mind of unnecessary distractions for considerable periods. He began visiting him every few days, or whenever he felt too distracted to get work done.

He adapted his plan, no longer attempting to become friends with Virgil. Now the only purpose was to increase the effectiveness of his communication with the other three Sides through cordial behaviour. Eventually, he noticed that he reached a limit in the results of his plan. The curve of improvement had risen and then turned into an almost flat, horizontal line. This means he had already improved his relationship with the others as much as he could, and there wasn’t a need to continue seeking interaction. More effort wouldn’t bring better results, so he only needed to maintain the current level, which was just enough for the group to acknowledge his presence and listen to his input without dismissing it immediately.

He was grateful that he didn’t have to be as reserved with Janus as he was with the rest. Despite the ridiculousness of the secret that he had shared with him, Janus had been sympathetic, and was the only one Logan deemed as trustworthy, ironically. He had yet to find out if Janus had a motive behind his generosity, but it was rational that he didn’t, since this brought positive effects for Thomas, which is what they all wanted.

Another advantage he found was that he no longer felt troubled around the real Virgil. Janus’ characterization of him had gradually diverged from his current personality, adapting to what Logan prefered, in addition to some attributes Janus himself had chosen. This Virgil was more liberal with his sarcastic comments, happy to complain about the other Sides with Logan, and more assertive. He reminded Logan of when Anxiety had just made himself known, just having left the Dark Sides, and wasn’t so invested in adhering to Patton and Roman’s unrealistic ideals. It was refreshing.

Nonetheless, Logan still struggled occasionally when Virgil made a humorous comment or spoke with a soothingly low voice in their meetings with Thomas, it brought back to Logan’s attention the fact that he wouldn’t simply get over his feelings, and he would continue to depend on Janus until he found a better solution.

Not that Logan was looking for an alternative. This arrangement worked far better than anything he could have planned himself. The only possible concern was that the revitalizing sensation he got after leaving Deceit’s room seemed to decrease in intensity with every visit. He normally is relieved when getting out of another Side’s room. The emotions they make him feel are always overwhelming, and he will always choose reality over any alternative. And yet, he couldn’t shake away the slight disappointment of having to continue his responsibilities after an encounter with Virgil. He had noted this down as another probable effect of the room.

That was the third note in his page of observations, following one about a faulty memory. He found that both with Janus and outside he had become more forgetful, and seemed to confuse his thoughts with actual recollections. It started with leaving his notebook behind and forgetting about the alarm he had set on his watch the first day. Then, he forgot to set his alarm several times, and his stay extended more than it should have.

He also once thought he told Janus that he didn’t want to be kissed, but the other insisted that wasn’t true, and that he had explicitly asked Janus to maintain constant physical contact. He had been confused at first, but he was no longer opposed to that, since he now found the touch pleasant. Besides, Janus had been considerate and kept the kissing mild, allowing Logan to not open his mouth further than slightly parting his lips.

Currently, Logan breathed in the smell of the tea he held in front of him, and leaned back against Virgil’s chest. Today had been particularly stressful. Janus had had to quiet him a couple times during his interactions with the others, because otherwise he would have hurt Thomas’ pride and erased the progress they all had made with Roman’s insecurities. But as he did nearly every visit, Virgil reminded him of his worth, and his presence calmed Logan down.

“I love you, darling.” was whispered into his ear.

He felt a shiver run down his spine. He turned his head around to see Virgil, who answered with a serene half-smile. Logan mirrored his expression, and nervously glanced away.

“I love you, too.” He murmured, and turned back around, settling into the other’s arms and laying his head on his shoulder, enjoying the warmth of the teacup in his hands and of Virgil’s embrace.

Everything was fine. Logan met Virgil daily now, for two and a half hours. Janus knew exactly how to help him, even better than Logan himself. He had never been more satisfied with his life.

It was all fine.

notes:

♫♪ four tequilas down, who gives a shit if we’re messing around, they’ll never know. they’ll never know. ♫♪

reminder! this is Logan’s POV, so he isn’t always right about everything, we just know what he thinks c:

#logan sanders #janus sanders #loceit #analogical #manipulation #unhealthy relationships #angst #gaslighting #unrequited analogical

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beelieveinfandom · 3 years

Text

Convo from the 18+ discord about a very silly star wars crossover I wanted to share.

gremgeous the gem pillar Just had a GREAT idea for a star wars crossover Just dipper visiting the star wars universe for whatever reason (multiverse vacation maybe? Idk. Dipper maybe dusted off that old portal in a fit of nostalgia or smth) and palpatine finds him and tries to tempt alcor to his side by offering him power Standard stuff for the sith really Except Well If you offer a demon unspecified power, in what form are they going to take it if not in the one who is offering's soul? Biggest and best tasting power boost there is, really! And then maybe he takes over the empty shell of a body afterwards which may or may not grant him force acess and alcor has a grand old time making a mess out of running the republic (or at least running lose in the senate) This is like... early prequals or pre-preauals era maybe. When palpafucker is still undercover and being all covert and unsuspicious and stuff I call this.... "palpatines penechance for grand speeches and unspecific ominous statements to try and seem all powerful and cool and dramatic fuck him over" Or in shorter terms ... . "There's a demon lose in the senate" And it basically runs like that one john mullaney bit With a side dashing of that one journak 3 thing where bill posesses a guy, messes with a roman army and then makes a guys head explode Also like nobody knows who alcor is or that hes even there bc theres no demons or dream demons in star wars (that i know of) so he gets the run of the place Even moreso than back home in gravity falls bc no one knows magic, its all "force this" and "force that" Dippered probably spends a lot of time nerding out over the different alien species since they dont have those back in his dimension (theyve got aliens but theyre different kinds) and also about the laser swords (just like the one Grunkle Ford made for them all (Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Soos, Grenda, Candy, Grendas boyfriend, Pacifica, and even waddles and gompers) back in 2017! Good times, good times.)

swbeeworm oh this sounds like fun

gremgeous the gem pillar Right???

swbeeworm if i was familiar enough with the star wars universe to write anything in it i'd give this a shot

gremgeous the gem pillar right???

swbeeworm like i know star wars?? but i don't know star wars n i have to know something to be confident in writing it

gremgeous the gem pillar Sadly everything i know comes from time travel fixit and semi-salty pro-jedi meta

swbeeworm but just.... the sheer chaotic potential of this...

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh yes....... Oh its be so good..........

swbeeworm oh mood it would be

gremgeous the gem pillar @Abigor u like star wars too gimme ur thooooughts When ur awake and have them to give

swbeeworm ugh i should. probably not be awake, i have stuff to do tomorrow n i have a headache but this is fun to think about

gremgeous the gem pillar I had another thing thats fun to think abt too Clone wars era, alcors there and everyon thinks hes a brand new sith player b/c gold eyes

swbeeworm just the shenanigans. the bullshittery. the sheer what-le-fuck reactions of everyone from the senate to the jedi to the people ooooooooo

gremgeous the gem pillar YES!!! Exactly.

gremgeous the gem pillar Oooooh jedi can do mind things i wonder what alcor wpuld feel like to them

swbeeworm my first instinctive responses were: 1) constant Screaming and a whirlwind mishmash of colors/concepts/etc that makes everyone who 'looks' too long start bleeding thru the nose/eyes 2) wii music on loop and these are VERY different prompts to have back to back but that's what i got

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHSGGSHD I LOVE IT Oh what if its both at the same time Ajdhegdhdj what rven is the music like in star wars anyway

swbeeworm the fkin,,,, cantina music

gremgeous the gem pillar Like how would they react when confronted w wii music

swbeeworm is the equivalent i would think

gremgeous the gem pillar Do they even have the same sorts of instruments do they even know what electronic music is

swbeeworm just. that spawned another Thought imagine that the cantina music from That One Scene is the sw-equivalent of the wii music and just. just imagine that same scene playing but with wii music on loop in the background

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh "wii music on loop" i love it AODHDHSHSJD

swbeeworm it would probably FIT they have the same vibe

gremgeous the gem pillar Im crying Mits so good

swbeeworm sdjlksdafj i saw a post the other day that was talking abt the music there n how it kept playing on loop n the poster joked that it might have been like,, the john mulaney salt-pepper-diner-story situation which is only tangentially related to this topic but i had to recall it

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSHH i love that Gosh ok i feel like take 1 would fit with the new sith in town scenario And take 2 fits with theres a demon lose in the senate

swbeeworm sfsdkfjh yES

gremgeous the gem pillar But how FUCKING HILARIOUS would it be if in the senate story its the former, and in the oh so serious sith story its the wii music on loop im akdhsjdvsjdhsjbd

swbeeworm ASLDJSLKFJ plEASE take 1: gritty, serious, angst, deadly miscommunications--and fucking wii music on loop take 2: lighthearted, cracky, shenanigans and bullshittery--and fucking bleeding out the eyes if you try n read the guy talk about dissonance

gremgeous the gem pillar "Big scary sith! Look at the yellow eyes! What dastardly plots cpuld he be thinking/partaking in....." [Hard cut to alcor pov/inside alcors head] wii music plays as he stares off into space during a supposedly very important meeting

gremgeous the gem pillar OH I DO LOVE THE DISSONANCE Gsjdgysgsvsjgd wheeze its so good i love it

swbeeworm me tooooo .....for the sith one. would ppl see blue fire n think lightning

gremgeous the gem pillar Theyd probably think its some other secret sith technique

swbeeworm fair enough

gremgeous the gem pillar Everyone thinks one of the other sith lines that was supposedly wiped out had it since this sith deffs aint the line of bane- even the cirrent sith wanna know where alcors popped in from "Lightning was the bane line specialty.... guess where ever this kids guys from fire was theirs"

swbeeworm= adjlsdfkjlfkjf the shenanigans n bullshittery one imagine alcor-as-palpatine just. going incorporeal, still visible but not able to be touched, and the jedi go from "what the fuck is going on" to "why the fuck is he a force ghost"

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSGSHSGSHSA

swbeeworm alcor, who'd done it only bc his ~ornate robes~ had got so caught/tangled on something he could only get free by phasing through it: ??????

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Alcor: how the fuck did this guy move around in these AJDHSGDH ALCOR NOT KNOWING ABOUT THE SITH- SHOWS UP TO THE SENATE IN THE SITH ROBES

swbeeworm asdlkjsfkjsdfdf

gremgeous the gem pillar CALLS IT A "FASHION STATEMENT" WHEN CALLED OUT ON IT

swbeeworm a fASHION STATEMENT YES alcor: :blobsweats: alcor: what the FUCK is a sith alcor: and why do they have better style than the jedi

gremgeous the gem pillar WHEEZE He doesnt know jack shit abt the jedi or anything hes just vibing!!!!!!

swbeeworm yesssssss

gremgeous the gem pillar AJDGSGGDJS YOU KNOW WHATVWPUKD BE EVEN BETTER ALCOR THINKS THE SITH LOOK IS TACKY AF

swbeeworm alcor: no listen. listen. i picked these space robes out of my space wardrobe because they looked cool, not because i'm part of some. some space cult ljflskdajfslkdfjsd

gremgeous the gem pillar BUT HE STILL THINKS ITS BETTER THAN THE JEDI

swbeeworm that's even better

gremgeous the gem pillar space cult im HOWLING

swbeeworm you KNOW he'd be so excited at being in space this DORK

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph gosh imagine it starts out all dark and serious and angsty and creepy in the whole beginning exchange But as soon as the day after alcor takes up palps role hits it takes a sharp turn into crack terriotry

gremgeous the gem pillar OH HE WOULD

swbeeworm yESSSS

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor takes one look at dooku and is like "youre the only one aroynd here with any sort of fashion sense" "And its HORRIBLE"

swbeeworm sljflskdjfsd

gremgeous the gem pillar Just roasts him And by extension everyone else too

swbeeworm dooku has NO IDEA what's going on but at this point ""palpatine"" or whatever's taken over him is ten minutes into a rant abt the layers on layers of boring robes jedi wear and at this point he'll take the backhanded compliment about his own style

gremgeous the gem pillar Akehdsjfssksgsjd

swbeeworm just to shut him up

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHDJDGDJDHD Alco goes on a 30 minute rant on why suits are SO much more professional

swbeeworm snaps "palpatine" into a suit and goes "...except maybe for this guy idk if anything could make him look good"

gremgeous the gem pillar And its more of a backhanded insukt than a backhanded compliment but anything to shut the guy up, right?

swbeeworm how much we roasting palpatine here

gremgeous the gem pillar To a blackened crisp

swbeeworm as it should be

gremgeous the gem pillar Its better than his wrinkly old rasin look anyday

swbeeworm lskjdlsakjfdf agreed

gremgeous the gem pillar Be hard NOT to improve on that honestly But the dude sinks so low i bet hed somehow manage it

swbeeworm --alcor getting fed up w palpatine's body and just. showing up to the senate meetings, full alcor, eyes n his normal face n everything, in palpatine's robes, and when someone rightfully asks him who the hell is he, he just deadpans "i'd think by this point you'd recognize your own chancellor" and just straight insists he's palpatine (and has the knowledge to back it up) every time someone sputters

gremgeous the gem pillar Also i included the bit abt the journal 3 thing bc my saga of alcor repeating bill's patterns, behaviors, and ideas unknowlingly and without awareness that that is what he is doing shall continue >:3c

gremgeous the gem pillar AODHAJDBAKWJHEVEJDJDHSHSHSJWOWKJEHEE I LOVE IT OH HOW I LOVE OT ALSOWHSKJDISOSOAJAIW Oh gosh what if he fuckin

swbeeworm because at this point it's less about blending in and more about trolling the whole senate and being as distracting as possible because with everyone paying attention to his trolling theyre less likely to notice the bills for clone rights n abolishing slavery n such that he's pushing thru in the background misdirection at its finest

gremgeous the gem pillar I was gonna say a thing abt alcor replacing palps b4 the election and so they did elect alcor to chancelorhoood But it might be funnier if he took him over AFTER abd still says that bit abt recognizing their own chancellor Oh gosh in that secind scenario it would be hilarious if the jedi are all :blobglare: @alcor except for obi-wan who is all like "i am looking away" bc at least THIS guy (whiever the hell he is) has stopped being such a creep abt anakin

swbeeworm the jedi are sent in to figure out wtf is going on and. they, unfortunately, bewilderingly, confirm that this is the same person as the chancellor who'd been showing up recently??? same wii music/bleeding effect??

swbeeworm alcor, finding appointments with some random jedi kid on palpatine's calendar: wtf why is this creep trying to meet with a kid alone, yeah how about i cancel that

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJD Alcor, looking at palpatibes planner: "every day i am more and more glad that i ate thig guys soul" "Like i knew it was oily but im suprised i havent got an upset stomach from it yet"

swbeeworm sjlskdfjsdf alcor the next day, after finding stuff abt the order 66 chip things, gagging: "i spoke too soon"

gremgeous the gem pillar Obi-wan to the council: hmm? Yes this is totally the chancellor, i know this because of all the previous meetings and close relationship he has had with my padawan which you allowed and helped facillitate- "Palpatine":[has a completley different body type, height, and face. Plus he actually has hair and is maybe even floating a little but its hard to be sure in those black and gold robes- and with a completely different voice] oh, yeah, totally, Im the chancellor and i totally know who this guy and that kid is yup yup yup-

gremgeous the gem pillar [UGLY LAUGHTER] AkdjskkdkdjsysAODJSJEUEIEIIEF

swbeeworm ASDKAFDF "palpatine": [grins with very sharp teeth at a nervous senator] council: "okay that is NOT normal" obi-wan, deadpan: "i'm sorry, it sounds like you're discriminating against non-human beings? that's not very jedi of you now is it"

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDHDJDHD Wait wait no what if its "This is completely normal behavior. I, as a human, know this for certain" "I can do this too, but i dont, because it is impolite, but hes the chancellor he can do whatever he wants"

swbeeworm asldksajflksdfjsdf;jsdf yes yes beautiful

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor and obi-wan team up to be passive agressive at everyone who allowed palps and anakin to hang out ABOUT them letting an unsupervised minor chill w a suoer duper old guy Shoulda had a chaperone at LEAST Butalso

swbeeworm the other humans on the council: "uh, actually-" obi-wan: [manages to sip tea (which he shouldn't even have access to in a council meeting btw) with an aggressively polite smile and silent Threat] the other humans: "....um."

gremgeous the gem pillar "Thats not very jedi of you now is it" AODHSJSIDHALSVD IM HOWLING I LOVE IT THE SASS wheeze*

swbeeworm i live for obi-wan sass it gives me LIFE

gremgeous the gem pillar SAME oh its so good Love that one post where obj-wan is on tatooine and calls all the force ghosts to view his powperpoint presentation about how letting palps have acess to analin was a bad idea as hed been saying all along-

swbeeworm u need to know i wrote this with the "that's not very plus ultra of you" meme, which is a bnha offshoot of the "that's not very cash money of you" meme, in my head on repeat

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph him terrorizing all the people palpatine had in his pocket...... Ok this is veering into even MORE crack territory but at some poibt alcor replaces, uh, whats the dudes name, palps second in command - mess something-or-other? - with a nightmare Not just ANY nightmare But a DIFFERENT nightmare each day

swbeeworm ASDLSDFKLDJF PLEASE

gremgeous the gem pillar They took it upon themselves to go on rotation They couldn't decide who should go when alcor proposed the idea so its everyone One at a time They dont even look REMOTELY human Or like anything the galaxy has ever known or seen And theres no "secretive supernatural species" excuse for them to fall back on here lmao

swbeeworm random dude: "what is that???" alcor, cheerful: "that's my assistant" rd: "is that--is that supposed to be a sheep?" alcor: "no they're my assistant" nightmare: [sound that, if you ignore the reverb and microphone-screeching and kazoo effects, might be a "baaa"] alcor: [smiles aggressively wider with sharp teeth] rd: [sweats nervously]

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDJDKSIEJEHAJWJWHEI Obi-wan: i am still l :eyes:king away Anakin: oooh, the wool is so soft master. Come feel it! Obi-wan: really? Ooh youre right The council: ....

swbeeworm rd: "okay but this is a DIFFERENT one than yesterday right?? right???" alcor: "i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about :)" obi-wan, still with tea he should not have, this time with space whiskey mixed in: "sir i think you might be seeing things, they are clearly the same individual as yesterday"

gremgeous the gem pillar Mace: ...hrm it is quite soft- The rest of the council: ??? When did he get-

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHDHD JUST LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH ALDJDHFJF

swbeeworm obi-wan looking mace dead in the eye and chugging his spiked tea which is more whiskey than tea at this point: "how dare you accuse me of lying. me, after everything i've done for this council. i am betrayed. heartbroken. never shall trust again. i am leaving until i recover" -and promptly fucks off on a vacation with anakin

gremgeous the gem pillar The jedi start getting a LOT more missions about busting slave rings and giving aid in the outer rim - plus some more dimplomacy docused ones in regards to solving teeaties instead of putting down rebellions

-alcor shows up on the vacation with zero explanation and obi-wan at this point is like "fuck it why not" -a nightmare takes his place in palpatine's robes in the senate for the week they're gone

gremgeous the gem pillar ALSJSHDJDJSKDHEE Weirdly enough some of the more corrupt senators go missing after that week No one knows what hapoebed to them but the robes the "chancellor" wore that week have some awfully suspicious stains WAIT WAIT WHAT IF ITS NOT A NIGHTMARE WHAT IF ITS GOMPERS alcor didn't even ASK gompers to be there he was planning to not even warn anyone n just vanish but gompers just SHOWED UP the nightmares were the ones who put the robes on him

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor doesn't even KNOW gomoers is there He gets back after the week and is like "what the heck" The nightmares are pretty proud of themselves for that one

swbeeworm the nightmares, collectively: "this is gonna be HILARIOUS" alcor, halfway across the galaxy, sees a newsfeed of a senate meeting with gompers in the robes in his place, and spits his drink clear across the room

he's only mad because he didn't think of it in the first place

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Hes proud of them

swbeeworm he IS

gremgeous the gem pillar Its so HILARIOUS

swbeeworm i pity anyone trying to read this mess later but i hope we at least make them laugh once

gremgeous the gem pillar Same Its such a joy Alcor teaches anakin the secret to mabel juice

swbeeworm oh no

gremgeous the gem pillar Only the children thank him The minders.... not so much

swbeeworm alcor: "okay so what i'm hearing is, the adult jedi have been making Stupid Decisions and not paying as much attention to the kids, as evidenced by them letting that one kid have meetings one on one with the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago. so, clearly what needs to happen is something that forces the adults to pay attention to the kids and start keeping a closer eye on them, but it can't be something that actually hurts the kids because then i'd feel bad" alcor: "...." alcor: :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar akdhdjsgshsjhdsjdjdj

swbeeworm alcor in a totally not suspicious trench coat and sunglasses: "hey. hey, kid. you wanna try some mabel juice?"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJDLFKFIFJIF WHEEZE "With the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago" ALDJDBDJDJDDHDHDJDJDJDJDJDJDJSJDJEJEJE

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSHDJDJF

swbeeworm star wars kids: "mr chancellor why are you wearing that" alcor: "because i think it's funny" kids: "it isn't" alcor: "look do you want the juice or not"

gremgeous the gem pillar I LOVE ALL OF THAT LOOK DO YOU WANT THE JUICE OR NOT

swbeeworm i am having WAY too much fun with this ldjsldkfjdsf;

gremgeous the gem pillar "Were not supposed to take drugs from strangersl" "Its not- just take it!"

Hooooh man thats so funny Oh gosh Alcor uses a different time/date system

Than the star wars one

swbeeworm ooooooo yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Nit super sure where im going with this but.... Pretty sure he woukdnt know the star wars one At all Maybe the in-umuverse knockoff calendar maybe Hes wnough of a nerd to have that memorized But the star wars proper one

No, no i dont think he knows that one

swbeeworm nope no chance

gremgeous the gem pillar Omg yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Well its a good thing we have this..... and the mistaken sith version too :blobamused:

WAIT WAIT QAIT FLASH OF INSPIRATION ALCOR GIVING ANAKIN THE STRANGER DANGER PPT

swbeeworm i have 1 scene i can think of that actually almost made my friend cry and i have 1 au scene of a different au of mine where a character who canonically dies and gets brought back to life...doesn't come back (which is extra angst bc this is a Ghost Seeing Fic) and both of these i wrote at like 3-4am

swbeeworm SDFJKSDLFSJf YES :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor: "you know, i usually save this one for the kids who followed the stranger with the nice candy into the alleyway and end up as sacrifices but I feel like you could benefit from it too"

swbeeworm alcor: "no talking to suspicious ppl" anakin: "except you right?" alcor: "....in any other situation i'd say no but if i say that you're just gonna up and leave (i see that grin thanks very much) so in this one singular personal case it is fine that you trust my very suspicious self"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSJDJJD "My very suspicious self" Aksjdhdd

swbeeworm obi-wan, straight up knocking back shots now: "the man has a point anakin"

gremgeous the gem pillar Haha nice Obi-wan is taking notes Hes also re-inventing alcoholic mabel juice He weaseled the recipie out of the kids

swbeeworm asldfkjsdlkfjd imagine if somehow SIDIOUS CAME BACK and tries to take back over the senate but everyone at this point is used to alcor and one of two things happens: 1) they assume this is alcor messing with them with a clone/double (they don't know how he'd do it but at this point given his "assistants", the goat that somehow made more eloquent speeches than the "human", and the other things involved, they wouldn't put it past him) and just ignore him 2) they look between the real palpatine who'd been pushing thru some very sketchy bills, and between alcor who's been sneaking through law after law protecting all kinds of sentients, and they turn back to palpatine and go "how dare you impersonate the chancellor" and kick him out

swbeeworm at this point he deserves it tbh

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHFDJDJDJD Ok i preffer him dead and gone and forgotten in favor of alcor (its what he deserves) but oh those are hilarious

swbeeworm agreed to both counts alsdjalsdk

gremgeous the gem pillar ESPECIALLY if the senate chooses to keep alcor over palps XD Ph man we can work that into him being dead and gone too- alcor starts dispersing the power and the other half of the senate w bail and padme are like "yeah seems legit" along w obi-wan The jedi only put like, a token effort into investigating and are more put out by trying to figure out what happened to the real palpatine and all his past shady dealings than exposing the current "palpatine" for a fake

swbeeworm palpatine: "excuse me?? i am the chancellor of this republic" councilmembers, with the same deadpan as alcor's been pulling on them all year: "sir, i think you're confused. this is the chancellor" [points to alcor, in palpatine's robes from his closet, making no attempt to hide his lack of resemblance to palpatine, with a nightmare at his side wearing a small top hat that proclaims its position as "chancellor's assistant"] palpatine: [screams of frustration]

gremgeous the gem pillar Once they reaize the shift in mission assignments can be attributed to new palp

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJSJSJSBEJSJSJSHSJSKS

swbeeworm yesss this

gremgeous the gem pillar I wanna say maul gets the joy and pleasure of offibg palpatine the second time in that version

swbeeworm FINALLY they get a chance to pull one back over on someone, pass along the suffering a little bit

swbeeworm oh definitely

oh shit we've been at this for an hour

gremgeous the gem pillar Maul comes back and offs palps and evrryone is jist like "Maul!!! How?!?" And completley ignore the palpatibe corpse 2.0 Ajdhhd so we have Niiiight book

Also from a tumblr post the phrase "your pal friendpatine" is hilarious and i think yall shoukd enjoy it too As is "SOMEHOW... MAUL RETURNS" Both taken from the same post lol Okokok so switchibg tracks for a bit Revisiting Some groundwork for the mistaken sith version Alcor is there..... because al-v was there first, made friends with the droid army mid clone war, and caled his dad in to help Which puts alcors initial point of contact as the separost foot soldiers

gremgeous the gem pillar No matter what the dominant language alcor has most recently been using OH OH OH ALCOR WITH ACESS TO OTHER UNIVERSE SLANG CONFUSING ALL THE SENATE WITH HIS NONSENSICAL PHRASES AND IDIOMS AND SLANG/PROFANITY LIKE "over the moon" AND "hot belgian waffles" AND "fuck" "Palpatine": [drops paperwork he JUST spent so much time disorganizing (as in putting in a dissaray)] FUCK Senator: .... sir, what is a 'fuck' "Palpatine": ......... im not explaining that to you Or conversley he makes smth up Alcor, upon realizing the most common swear word is "kriff': yeaht hats stupid im not saying that Alcor mercilessly roasting the star wars profanity And how stupid they all sound. This one is great for the al-v and alcor make friend w a droid army and maybe-sorta steal them while massivelt confusing and mystifying everyone along the way, bc why not add a language barrier on top of all the other assumptions and misunderstandings >:D But also at the same time it would make sense for him to have got thw local language in an infodump somewhere along the line (maybe an older version) if its located in a different galaxy but the same universe........... but also what if theyre just suoer far away so he didnt get priority acess...... or even if he traveled back in time ............. [Shrug] idk Mwanwhile inexplicably having the same language is hilarious in the demon lose in the senate ons but also imagine alcor pretending to be palpatine while unable to speak the common tongue lolol I know it wouldnt work (he has to be able to understand palpatine on some level to take MASSIVE advantage of him and eat his soul) but it is hilarious to think abt the shenanigans............ OH GOSH ALCOR TAKING CONTROL OF THE SENAT BUT BEING UNABLE TO R E A D AKDBSKSKJFF Okokok Imagine the basic/english language inexplicably being the same structure w a few different words and concepts...... when spoken And completley different when written down SO ALCOR CAN SPEAK BUT HE CANT READ Meanwhile in mistaken for a sith land alcor either doesnt have any knowledge of the local language or else gets a SUPER OLD AND POSSIBLE DEAD LANGUAGE in an infodump (to help feed the misunderstandings and rumors and future clashes w the sith and the jedi hehhehheh) bc semi-omniscience is not total omniscience and so is not everything and, once again, is not very helpful But ill leave off for tonight on the thought of alcor, lose in the senate, in the seat of the chancellor, lord of all paperwork for the galactic republic....... and able to read NONE of it And barely understands it too (demons are not ones for politics, Brian the Organ Duck and his 200 year sucessful presidency run aside) (his is soemthing of the exception, not the rule.) Meanwhile all those humanitarian aid bills and the like are all being passed by bail and padmes group all over the place bc their strange and inexplicable source of resistance was devoured like, a week ago Not ones to look a gift horse in ths mouth until AFTER they get what they want the group passes a ton of bills without delay - and manages to break up a few monopolies along the way Now im not saying that "palpatine" suddenly acting off and the bills facing a lot less resistance is a noticeable coincidence...... and around the same time he stops asking after anakin ............... but im totally saying they notice it and realize its probably, absolutely, not a coincidence and theyre not going to say anything bc they like this new "palpatine" better. Despite all the other mindbending weirdness and mindfuckery going on there The jedi are only mad abt alcor bc a few of their own started bleeding from the eyes nose and ears when they tried to investigate initially so theyre a little ticked off abt that, which, fair.

Also the blantant lying and lack of trying on alcors part is a little insulting to them as a whole ("does he think we'll really fall for that") and is slightly concerning to them ("who the heck is this, someone is inpersonating the chancellor of the ENTIRE REPUBLIC-" Which is, admittedly, a little concern worthy) but if the council is honest (or some of the council anyway) with themselves its pretty much the darn best entertainmnt theyve had in a good long while, headaches aside, sot ehyll focus more on the okd palpatines dissapernace and dealings than the new "palpatine" so long as he doesnt start doing anything ACTIVELY damaging to the republic. A little mischief doesnt technically count as harm- and hey theys preffer to find the og chancellor b4 upsetting and potnetially causing the new one to do smth drastic by attsmpting to out him (not that alcor would, its so much funnier to deny everything to their faces while blatantly lying but they dont know that. So caution (and stress) it is)

#Transcendence AU #Discord Convo

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 3 years

Text

Virgil Angst Sh** (1)

Description: Alternative of the Strangers au where the necklaces are never uncovered and Virgil is stuck with Romulus

Warnings: Physical and Emotional Abuse, Toxic Relationship, Memory Wiping, Willingly Remaining in an Abusive Situation, Blood, Weaponry, Food Denial, Extreme Weight Loss, Starvation, Pregnancy (trans man)

-------------------------

Virgil hadnt the slightest clue how he'd managed to end up in this situation, only that he desperately wanted out.

His only shot had been destroyed in a carnival fire, the book that had revealed the truth was useless to him now.

But, at least Romulus seemed to be revelling in Virgil's discoveries.

And, of course, his true body.

Roman had long since fled, Virgil had managed to erase any and all memories of himself from the prince, and his own friends.

It was better this way, better if no one came looking for him.

Better if he remained trapped in the fortress he'd helped Romulus raise above the ground.

Better if he played a perfect little princess, faked his way out.

Embraced the destiny he'd once fought desperately to avoid.

He wondered, occasionally, if Viviana was watching him now.

He wondered how disappointed she was that he'd succumbed to the fate she worked so hard to avoid.

But something in his gut always told him, she hadnt ever really avoided it either.

"Princess, are you going to come in for dinner or not?" Virgil shuddered as Romulus' voice reached his ears.

"I'm not hungry," Virgil said, lying through his teeth.

He was, of course, starving.

But he wouldnt give Romulus the satisfaction of his company.

"Shame, well then go to your bed chambers and remain there until I have need of you again," Romulus continued.

Virgil complied, every step he took feeling like a drag.

He'd gone from one hundred and sixty two pounds to a mere eight seven in under a month.

He survived on sneaked snacks and water collected from a rain jar.

He knew it was no life to live, but he also knew that this wasnt life, this was hell. After all, what life didnt include Roman?

Roman

The name hung in his head on a daily basis.

The memory of those emerald eyes and that dashing smile and those soft curves and gentle touches that Virgil missed ever so dearly.

He always cried when he thought of Roman, which was to say, he never stopped crying.

"You never learn, do you?" Often, to Romulus' dismay and scorn.

"Your highness I-" but Virgil was to late, with a wince he felt his hair jerked back, his head along with it, exposing his neck.

A neck covered in bruises and bite marks and stains of blood.

Virgil had liked vampires, before he'd known that just about any undead regardless of its origins tended to have a taste for blood related sustenance.

"Did I ask you to talk?." Virgil whined, averting his eyes as he felt Romulus' breath down his neck.

"You'll look at me when I'm talking, princess." Romulus snarled, Virgil let out a yelp as yet another bite that well would have killed him at the size he was was brought down on his neck.

He fell to the floor like a rag doll when Romulus had released him, staring wide-eyed at his captor.

"Dont look at me like that." Virgil tried to calm his expression, but to no avail.

Romulus didnt like acting.

Weeks

No no no. . .

Years

Had gone by.

He'd had a daughter.

A daughter named Victoria, whom he would kill and die for.

Whom Romulus would not be permitted to touch, ever.

Life was better now, with the little one, her prescience gave Virgil meaning, gave him a routine of normalcy.

Who knew a simple knock on the door could shatter it in its entirety.

He knew the eyes almost as soon as he opened the door.

Emerald green, yes, but absolutely seething with a flame of fury and passion.

His knight had come for the captured princess.

But of course, Virgil had to play dumb, for all he knew, this was a trick.

"I assume you're here for Romulus yes?" Virgil asked, Victoria resting on his hip, chewing on a tiny clenched fist.

"Oh I'm here for Romulus alright. WHERE'S THE BASTARD THAT TORTURED AND DEFILED MY HUSBAND." It seemed, as Virgil quickly noted, that Roman had not realized there was a small child present.

"Princess could you quiet down? I'm trying to read and all your whining is frankly m-" Romulus froze as he reached the top of the stairs.

Roman had a sword drawn within seconds.

As, Virgil had suddenly realized, did each and every one of the people he believed he'd brainwashed.

He supposed they'd rediscovered a few things.

"How dare you call him royalty as he stands dressed in filth and blood. How dare you stand here and berate him as though he is a lowly gnat to brush away with little note. How dare you treat the father of the children that should have been mine as though he is barely worth your time." Virgil had never seen his husband speak with such anger in his voice, such protectiveness.

"A king doesnt concern himself with the matters of a consort,"

That had been the wrong move.

Virgil didnt see the rest, he was pulled back by Patton and Janus almost as soon as an opening was made available.

The necklaces were destroyed, and along with them any trace of Romulus, save, of course, for little Victoria.

"Virgil? Virgil oh my precious orchid what has he done to you? You look so frail my poor baby, if only I'd fought him off sooner I could have saved you," now Virgil was at home, buried under sheets with his head resting on Roman's chest, face tilted up towards his husband as he assessed Virgil's injuries. Victoria safely tucked between his arms.

"Ten years. . . Ten years I'd hoped you would remain forgetful, ignorant of my mere existence. . ." Virgil murmured, voice raspy and aching.

"I could never do such a thing my love, I'll never forget you, nor will I ever let you get away from me again, nor let harm come to you from now on," Roman whispered.

"You know that's impossible. . ." Virgil replied softly.

"Not if I have anything to say about it,"

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badatjokezz · 3 years

Text

Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Fic Recs

i’ve been so hype about some Hq rarepairs lately now imma list some of my fav fanfics, mostly OiSuga mwehehe....

(probably gonna add some more in the future)

Oisuga (Oikawa x Sugawara)

1. Stuck in the Middle With You by overlymetaromantic

It's not the kind of blossoming relationship either of them would expect, but maybe, just maybe, it could lead to something good.

1. In which Suga and Oikawa run into each other on a late night convenience store run.

2. In which Suga and Oikawa inadvertently switch bags and end up with the other’s uniform.

3. In which Suga gives Oikawa the lecture he doesn't want but probably needs, and Oikawa might accidentally be a little in love.

4. In which Oikawa won't shut up about Suga, and Iwaizumi plays matchmaker just to make him stop.

5. In which there is not a date, and Suga likes spicy things much more than sweet.

6. In which Karasuno and Aobajousai hold training camps in the same neck of the woods, and the trip back proves to be more revealing than it probably should.

7. In which there might just be a future to this after all.

(Dis is so fluffy i might die)

2. moving on (growing up) by _helios (neocitz)

‘I’ll do it,’ Suga says, walking into their prep school and dropping his bag on the floor next to Oikawa. He shoves the melon bun and drink forward into Oikawa’s hands, and stands there looking down at him because he knows that he needs to not chicken out.

‘You’ll do what?’ Oikawa looks up through his glasses, eyes wide and confused as the other students stream in around them.

‘The fake dating thing, I’ll do it.’

‘Fuck. Yes.’ Oikawa says with a fist pump.

(It’s been AGES since i read Fake/Pretend Relationship fic, this one is goood)

3. how strange, to be remembered by venusintwelfthFandoms

"He is not formed of the type of dust that makes up stars. Suga is not the type of person that stays in the mind of one like Oikawa Tooru, ten years later. He is formed of the type of dust you shake off, the type that settles into the ground."

Ten years after Suga last steps off a high-school court, Oikawa recollects a "Mr. Refreshing" in a post-game interview, and Suga is left scrambling.

(Cute one-shot, Oikawa still remember Mr. Refreshing from Karasuno)

4. all the small things by Authoress for lemedy

Sugawara Koushi.

Oikawa’s brain supplies the name of the person standing at the other end of the aisle before Oikawa can even register him, attuned to spitting out facts about other volleyball players on a second’s notice, even after all these years. Karasuno High vice-captain. 174 cm…no, more like 176 now. Skilled at raising morale and bringing an element of surprise to their strategy. Troublesome. Refreshing. Setter.

The enemy.

(Single Dad! Oikawa, cuuutee ugh)

5. Win Some by kingdra (aroceu) for Icie

Tooru does not have a problem, its name is certainly not Sugawara Koushi, and he is not going to the Karasuno practices just to watch him. Regardless of whatever Iwa-chan says.

(High school romane~)

6. Even as bright as you are? by BKAKCANON

That night when he goes to sleep, he includes "the safety of fairies" on his prayers, making a promise to whoever was listening him, that he'd protect all the fairies and keep their secret safe forever.

[Where Oikawa meets Suga when they are kids and Oikawa believes Suga is secretly a fairy and decides he has to protect his secret all costs.]

(This is basically matches my headcanon)

7. getting to know you by oisugasuga

Suga feels like he’s back on the court then, his heart thudding hard in his ears… so hard he almost misses what Oikawa says. Unfortunately, though, he doesn’t.

"My, my. What a surprise," Oikawa Tooru says. And then… "Hello, Mr. Refreshing."

(Haven’t finished yet but DAMN I LOVE OIKAWA AND SUGA IN HERE, single dad! oikawa, and Suga babysitting oikawa’s kid, def slow burn. Imma follow this fic till death)

8. Dear Reader by hyirule

No one seems to read the paper anymore. But Oikawa likes to for the sports section. One day he finds himself reading a section called "Dear Reader" and finds a submission he can relate to.

Basically messages sent through a page on a newspaper brings to unlikely souls together, who maybe have more in common than they first thought.

(Cannon compliant, simple and... refreshing(?))

9. rest by shicchaan

Tooru looks at the sleeping person beside him as he waits for the lights change into green. The growing fringe of his husband started to cover his eyes but he can still see the beautiful birthmark under the silver haired's left eye.

(Established relationship, fluff fluff!!!)

10. long is the road (that leads me home) by ichweissnichtauch

He thinks about himself, deleting contacts from his phone and throwing coffee cups away without even looking at the string of numbers scrawled in Sharpie ink underneath, and he’s tired of hiding, tired of carefully treading the lines he’d drawn for himself all those years ago.

Just this once, Tooru wants— he thinks he wants to be brave.

Oikawa Tooru is not a stranger to wanting.

(like... 20% Oisuga but i like the way this story follows the Cannon till he get to Argentina)

11. It's Always Been About You by mintycarrots

Every time Tooru had envisioned meeting his soulmate, it was a confession of love, filled with tears of happiness and a lot of making out. It would be a faceless petite girl that would support Tooru in whatever he chose to pursue and would understand when Tooru prioritized volleyball over all else.

It was never a boy on the rival team.

(Soulmate AU)

12. a play in three acts by venusintwelfth

"The first time Sugawara Koushi sees Oikawa Tooru play, he thinks that if he wasn’t so set on volleyball, he’d do well in theater."

the first seijoh x karasuno match through the eyes of suga.

(Kinda poetic i guess, well written af)

13. colors by dazeful

Sugawara Koushi's colorful life as an archer.

(this is like the perfect oisuga one shot ive ever read)

___

IwaSuga (Iwaizumi x Sugawara)

1. And so the moon cried by iwriteinpenFandoms:

The hillocks are the domain of unearthly creatures. Creatures of rot and fog, of music and dance. Like ghosts in the night they travel without leaving footprints, they disappear in a flurry of long dresses and pale hair. Those who are fated to see them risk curses far worse than death. You may hear them, a giggle in the wind. You may smell them, the smell of the fog rolling in through the trees. You should pray you never see them. Iwaizumi Hajime is a simple man. He works a simple farm job and enjoys simple things. After one morning where he woke next to a perfect circle of death and only the memory of brown eyes and cold hands, he finds himself inexplicably drawn to the forest. Will the tales of his childhood play out with him at the center or will he have to disregard all reason?

(Danish Folklore AU)

2. Cry Just A Little by DreadfulMind

Suga was whistling a tune to himself as he opened the door to the bathroom, so he didn't hear the muffled crying through the door. But he could hear it clearly once he was inside. He heard the sharp sob of someone trying to stop.

"Iwaizumi?" He asked, "are you sure you're alright?"

(Simple but c u t e)

3. Generations by Karasuno Volleygays (ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor), mozaikmage

Professional sports blogger Sugawara Koushi writes an article about a volleyball match that bears special meaning to him and his former kouhai: a showdown between Kitagawa Daiichi and Yukigaoka Middle School, ten years after the teams faced off for the first time. He doesn't plan on capturing the attention of the world of sports journalism, and he certainly doesn't expect himself to end up having a thing for one of the coaches involved, one Iwaizumi Hajime.

(Time-Skip, I loved it)

___

KuroTsuki (Kuroo x Tsukishima)

1. Invictus by Chiru

Kuroo T. » So let me get this straight (gay?) Kuroo T. » You want me to pretend to be your perfect and fabulous boyfriend, so that your little freckled friend will stop trying to set you up with cute little highschool girls? Tsukishima Kei » yes Kuroo T. » Aha. Tsukishima Kei » you'll do it? Kuroo T. » I don't know. I missed the part where I get something out of it. Tsukishima Kei » you get to annoy me. Unfortunately Kuroo T. » Tempting, Tsukki, very tempting indeed.

(Fake/Pretend Relationship, some fluff, some angst, i read this in the middle of the night and cried, fortunately happy ending)

2. hold onto hope if you got it by nekolyssi

"Now, in the beginning of their third year of high school, the obnoxious hollering and incessant spirit of his teammates became normalcy to Kei. And now, normalcy is this. Weekly psych meetings. Pharmacy waiting rooms. Prescriptions. Refusal of prescriptions. More prescriptions."

(Not finished yet but yep prolly gonna put this one to one of those best haikyuu fics ive ever read. I wasnt so interested at first but i really like the idea of mental ilness etc, this is g o o d!!)

3. [KuroTsuki Fest Week 2017] Traces by Heartythrills

Kuroo’s disappeared for a little over a week now, and suddenly a 4 year old who looks like him appears before Tsukishima’s apartment.

(Age regression, fluff)

4. I swear by xArtemisx

Like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there

"What are you doing here, Tetsu? It's cold." Kei asked softly. Tetsurou smiled. Hearing his name came out of Kei's lips is always music to his ears.

"Nothing. I just came to think that whatever memory we make, may it be happy or sad memories, the bright moon and the starry night sky is always there to be the witness. Did you notice?" The alpha answered and Kei nodded. He also noticed it.

"Yes, I did noticed it."

(I love agony and sad ending....)

5. Honeybee by ClosetGoblin

Tsukishima has trouble sleeping one night during a Third Gym Camping Trip. So, he takes his acoustic guitar and passes the time with some music, and gets a visitor. Maybe he doesn't mind Kuroo's voice as he does the screeching that Lev and Hinata call singing.

(Simple but sweet)

6. Say You Like Me by the_madame21

It's been three months. And Tsukishima Kei is going to see Kuroo Tetsurou.

(light angst and.. s m u t. Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamic)

7. trying to get to you by mytsukkishine

Everything came crashing down on Kuroo when Kei had left him alone with nothing but the moon shining down on him.

Wherein, Kuroo was struggling to move on and decided that he wouldn't mind being with Kei again.

(sad beginning? yes. sad ending? y e s. you’re a masochist? come get your juice)

8. Please Hold by ThemooncatFandoms

Kei was expecting Kuroo to do one of two things; Send a text to the office saying that they will have to call back another time and continue what they started, or excuse himself from Kei to answer the call, which was most likely. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Kuroo does neither of those things.

(short but hot. what’s hotter than quiet sex?)

___

Ushijima x Oikawa

1. This Insignificant Pride and Prejudice by Mysecretfanmoments, Pouler (poulerslashes)

Oikawa Tooru graduated high school with the burning desire to succeed in his college career. He'd hoped that might include taking down his arch-nemesis along the way, but when he finds that his college team hosts an offensively familiar face, he can't help but think that the universe might be conspiring against him. After all, what could be worse than playing on the same team as Ushijima?

(It was funny for me reading oikawa/ushijima fic with that “you should’ve come to Shiratorizawa” joke at first but somehow i found this one... endearing :3, cute poor ushiwaka)

___

Atsumu x Nishinoya

1. All the things I love about Yuu by KilluCoulomb

Atsumu Miya is fixated in Nishinoya. The way the boy acts, talks, plays. He Carefully observes from afar, but he slowly warms up to the Libero. Friendship becomes more and more intimate. Atsumu realizes Nishinoya is not that simple guy he met three years ago. And he loves it.

(pro volleyball players AU)

2. i'll see you then by noyabeans (snowdrops)

Nishinoya Yuu and Miya Atsumu build a rivalry and something more.

“Oh, it's Karasuno’s libero,” he says, mildly surprised to see Nishinoya’s face staring back at him from the brochure, grinning wide with his arms folded over his chest.

Contains spoilers for the current manga arc, up to chapter 380.

#oisuga #kurotsuki #oikawa x sugawara #kuroo x tsukishima #iwasuga #iwaizumi x sugawara #ushijima x oikawa #ushioi #atsunoya #haikyuu!!#fic recs

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 4 years

Text

Snap Part 1

Read on Ao3 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Inspired in part by the lovely @random-snippets‘s post here

Warnings: roman angst and everything that goes with it. self-esteem issues, self-hatred, insecurity. sympathetic everyone

Pairings: roceit, platonic DLAMPR

Word Count: 5540

Most things in life are flexible to some degree. You can push and pull and bend them in certain ways and, to some extent, they will comply with you. There are some things that you can bend and bend and bend. Creativity is one of these things. Creativity, imagination, dreams...they can be shaped and changed into whatever you want.

Bend...and bend...and bend...until they snap.

Janus enjoys teasing.

He finds that it often reveals true intentions much better than simply taking someone at their word. Plus, the range of reactions he gets is endlessly amusing.

Patton will stutter and stammer adorably, or he’ll put on his Dad Voice™ and attempt to scold. Logan, depending on what sort of mood he’s in, will sass him back or give him a death glare. Virgil definitely isn’t the type to snipe back, keeping up with Janus blow for blow. Remus is…Remus.

But Roman…Roman is different.

Roman used to be the most fun to tease, puffing himself up in a fit of righteous princely indignation to defend himself, going red in the face only to be set off again moments later. Janus could spend hours just tilting his head this way and that as Roman muttered himself in and out of circles and paradoxes and contradictions. It used to be quite an effective way to shut the prince up, letting him stew in his own thoughts.

It’s still an effective way to silence Roman, but it’s changed.

It started after the wedding.

Roman had shut himself away in his room, much to the chagrin of the others. They expected a temper tantrum, they expected sulking. Logan and Patton were constantly on standby for the minute Thomas would start being affected by it.

They didn’t expect Roman to emerge a few days later and quietly ask to talk to each of them.

He apologized.

A proper apology; for mocking his name, for calling him evil, for dismissing him out of hand. Janus can only guess by the looks of pleasant confusion mirrored on the other Sides’s faces that they received similar apologies.

Janus hadn’t been surprised when Roman extended a nervous offer of having him and Remus come around to their side of the Mindscape more often, saying that they had…valuable insights to offer. He hadn’t been surprised to see Roman extend the olive branch to Remus, only for Remus to promptly snatch it up and hug his brother so tightly Janus winced in sympathy for Roman’s ribs.

Patton, as was to be expected, was overjoyed, throwing his arms around the princely side in what could only be described as euphoria. Logan had been surprised, saying he hadn’t expected Roman’s surprising amount of maturity regarding the issue, including the way Roman had promised to listen to him more often. Virgil had shrugged, saying it was about time Roman started doing that anyway.

He hadn’t thought anything of it, not really. And it had been pleasant, being listened to. Not being treated like a villain.

He should’ve known it wasn’t going to be only a few days for Roman to completely change his black-and-white view of the world.

Roman listened more, that was true, but he didn’t talk as much either. He stood quietly, occasionally asking softly for clarification.

“…L-Logan?”

Logan pauses mid-sentence, glancing over at Roman. Roman sits there, twisting his fingers together.

“Yes?”

“Can you…slow down a little bit?”

Logan blinks. He’d been talking about recent discoveries made in the field of quantum physics, just getting to the part about how SUSY particles could reconcile the different interpretations of the expansions of the universe. Roman had been the only one who volunteered to listen, and he half-expected Roman to dismiss the topic entirely or say he had some important thing to go to. He had not been expecting this.

Roman did not seem to interpret his silence in this way.

“It’s just,” he stammers frantically, “it’s not that I’m not interested, I am, I can assure you, I’m just…I’m having trouble keeping up with you.”

He balls his hands up tightly in his lap, staring at Logan with a frantic sense of urgency.

“It’s okay if you can’t or you don’t want to, y-you’re not boring me, I promise, and I don’t want you to stop, but can you please try and talk a little slower? I don’t…I don’t want to miss anything,” he trails off.

“It’s…it’s quite alright, Roman,” Logan says carefully, “I’m happy to slow down.”

Roman’s face breaks into a relieved smile. “Okay, thank you, I don’t know what’s going on with me today.” He taps the side of his head with a self-deprecating smile. “Not all here, it seems. Sorry, Specs.”

“You needn’t apologize, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Logan adjusts his glasses. “I would be more than happy to slow down. Are you quite sure I’m not boring you?”

“Absolutely not.”

Logan smiles. “…good.”

“C-can I say what I’ve gotten so far,” Roman asks hesitantly, “and then you can correct me where I’m wrong and then jump back in when we get there?”

“Of course.”

Roman had Remus share almost as many ideas as he did, but he didn’t share his own as much either.

“Roman? Do you have anything to add?”

Roman shakes his head, a small smile on his lips as he watches Remus bounce excitedly on the balls of his feet.

“I believe we have a solid idea,” he says, gently elbowing Remus, “and there is nothing I can do to improve it.”

“You know, Ro-Bro,” Remus says, shoving Roman back, “you’ve gotten so much less boring.”

Roman chuckles lightly, picking himself up off the wall. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Oh, I am!” Remus claps his hands. “But are you sure we can’t build in the part about—“

“We are not unearthing a roadkill corpse, Remus.”

Roman didn’t puff up when he was teased anymore, but he didn’t defend himself in any other way as much either.

“Could you be more extra,” Virgil sighs, nudging Roman, “really, Princey?”

Roman pauses, before slowly lowering his hands. “I am, aren’t I?”

Virgil’s eyes widen. “Guys! Guys, I got Roman to admit that he’s extra!”

“You did what?” Remus vaults over the couch. “You did it!”

“That is in fact a marvelous breakthrough,” Logan says, drinking his coffee, “especially for Roman.”

“Good to see you’re finally developing some self-awareness, kiddo,” Patton says with a wink, patting Roman on the shoulder.

Janus smirks, shifting in his chair. “Yes, because Roman’s observational skills have always been at the forefront.”

“Alright, alright,” Roman says finally, waving his hand, “I’m extra, I get it.”

It took far too long for them to realize that just because Roman’s behavior had changed, it didn’t mean he wasn’t still struggling with the ramifications of it. It took them far too long to realize that Roman still clung to the ideas of heroes and villains, the roles had just shifted. It took them far too long to realize that the ego, still hiding its black and blue skin, was still living in fear, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It took Janus far too long to realize he wasn’t doing his job.

“Oh, come now, I’m only teasing.”

“And that’s supposed to make everything better, is it?”

Janus pauses, the sharpness in Roman’s voice killing the follow-up in his throat. His eyes don’t widen at how Roman looks at him. For the first time in a long time, Roman’s gaze is filled with fire as he stares at Janus. It gives him pause for a moment. Just a moment. Then his smirk is back.

Good. You were starting to get boring.

“You realize that saying you’re teasing doesn’t make it hurt any less, right?”

“Oh, sweetie, there’s really no need to get so worked up—“

“Don’t pretend that your intention has not been to make me uncomfortable.”

“Then why’re you letting it get to you so?”

“…so if Remus tries to knock me out with his morningstar, I shouldn’t get hurt because it’s his intention to hurt me?”

Janus blinks. This is absolutely the direction he thought Roman was going to go. “That’s not quite the same thing.”

“So I shouldn’t prioritize emotional and mental pain the same way as physical pain?”

“…I didn’t say that—“

“Oh, I’m sorry, is it frustrating to have your words taken out of context and applied in ways you obviously didn’t mean? Wow, I wonder what that feels like.”

Janus’s surprise is hidden quickly as Roman takes a deep breath in. He expects Roman to bite back, to push, to hurl acid-laced insults at him. Given how Roman has been taking most of…this lying down as of late, he expects it, even if he would be a little...disappointed. In some way, he doesn’t deserve it.

That’s exactly what happens.

“…I understand that you care and you help in your own way. And I’m grateful for it, really, I am. You…you make people look at themselves—really look and you make me think and it’s great but it’s exhausting.”

Roman buries his face in his hands, pressing his fingertips hard to his eyes. It doesn’t hurt to see him so…tired.

“I can’t—I can’t do this all the time. I can’t do this most of the time. You know that. As a matter of fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if that were the point.”

“…I do have a point.”

“You always have a point. That’s the problem. You are nothing but points, there’s nothing to you but—“

Roman stops, taking a deep breath and pressing his forehead with a fist.

“No, sorry, that’s…that’s not true. The version of you that you choose to present to me and to the others most of the time is nothing but points. There is no softness. No give. Not an ounce. It’s always a fight. I have to…double and triple check every single thing that comes out of your mouth, and I’m not…I…”

Another deep breath. Something softens.

“I respect you. I admire you. I like you. But I don’t know what you want from me.”

Janus isn’t shocked.

Not just at the fact that Roman is expressing all of this out loud, not just at what Roman is saying, but how the bitter taste slowly filling his mouth isn’t coming from any of it.

Roman isn’t lying. Not about this.

What happened in those days when you shut yourself away?

It takes him a moment to realize Roman is waiting for an answer.

“I don’t want you hurt.”

Roman huffs. No malice behind it, just exhaustion. “You enjoy putting me in situations that actively make me uncomfortable and you have enjoyed hurting me in the past. Try again.”

There’s a moment of silence. Then Roman sighs.

“Look, I don’t think I’m in the right space for this conversation and the last thing I want to do is mess this up any more than I already have, can we…can we do this later?”

He nods slowly, even though it takes him back to hear Roman ask for something. It doesn’t sting a little to know he isn’t the one that’s made it easier for him to do so.

“Thank you, I—you...you know I care about you, right?”

Not many things can take him by surprise, not many things can make him more surprised than this conversation already has, but this…this earnest confession, this does. He nods.

“Good.”

They don’t speak for days. They don’t even see each other for days. Then Roman has an episode.

The others are away, helping Thomas. Roman is alone. He rides the attack to its end but he’s still trying to recover. This one was bad. He needs to get up, he needs to eat, he needs to drink, he needs to but he knows if he stresses out too much about this, he’s just going to send himself into another attack. He’s trying to breathe but it’s hard. It’s so hard.

Janus wasn’t even looking for him. And yet there he is, sprawled on the floor, hunched over, hands trembling as he struggles to breathe. For a moment he worries at how much he can feel that Roman’s afraid. Afraid of Janus. Janus…he hasn’t exactly shown him his…full capabilities.

And, in his defense, really, Roman is so clever, so sweet, so open that he can’t help but play with him, test him, poke at his comfort zone just enough to see him squirm. And Roman is lovely, truly, he is. And yes, part of him was thrilled when Roman finally snapped at him, but he’s right. Janus is…he has not been good to him.

Time to change that.

He approaches slowly, crouching, and offering a hand. The suspicious look that he gets doesn’t hurt his chest. He does blame him. But Roman trusts, he trusts too easily sometimes and this wouldn’t be the first time Janus has ever taken advantage of it. He tries to convey that he won’t break it when Roman takes his hand. He tries not to think about how much of this is Roman going along with it if only to prevent himself from being hurt.

He leads Roman to one of the common spaces on the Dark Sides’ hallway. It’s almost never used anymore, not since the barrier between Light and Dark started breaking down. He looks at Roman to see such an unsure expression that he can’t help the soft noise when he guides him to sit on the couch.

Janus keeps Roman in the corner of his vision as he carefully shrugs off his cloak. He considers draping it over Roman’s shoulders but decides that might be a bit too much. Too much for right now, even as his mouth starts to taste bitter.

What does he want? Roman can’t stop thinking it. He’s three seconds away from another attack, what’s happening, what’s going on, I don’t know what to do—

A gentle hand cups his chin and he distantly thanks whatever higher power there may be that Janus’s gloves aren’t a bad texture. But then he has to make eye contact and oh it’s the worst. He doesn’t know what’s keeping this fragile peace. He knows Janus will see through any mask he tries to put on right now.

But not wearing a mask…he’s not sure he remembers how to do that.

He tries.

I’m trying, I’m trying so hard, can’t you see? Can’t you see that if you just tell me, I’ll be good? Whatever you want, I can do it, I promise, I’ll be good, I can be good, but I can’t do it if I don’t know what you want and if you tell me I’ll do it, just tell me what you want me to do, I can’t figure it out, I want to be good, but I don’t—I can’t—what do you want?

Janus sees. He sees all of it and it doesn’t break his heart.

He lets Roman go, the ache getting worse when he immediately shuts his eyes. He crouches, waiting.

When Roman opens his eyes again, he tries to offer. What do you want? Let me help, if you want?

Too much, perhaps. So he tries smaller.

Roman’s unsure when he offers his hand again. He…Janus doesn’t like being touched. But would he really be offering if he wasn’t okay with it?

Janus smiles when Roman reaches a trembling hand out. Slowly, carefully, he takes it in two of his, playing with it gently. Running his fingers over the back, tracing the knuckles. Roman’s hand is so much more...worn than the others. There are calluses, scars, so many stories that Janus can’t help exploring, smiling a little when the light touch makes Roman twitch. Even here, Roman’s scared of doing something wrong. His fingers tremble, try and move to match the shapes he makes.

Keeping Roman’s hand in his, Janus stands, tugging in a gentle ask for Roman to come with him. Roman stands up too fast and a second pair of arms shoots out to steady him. He looks so small…smaller still when Janus sits them down on another couch, between his legs.

Stay with me, Roman.

Playing with his hand again gets his attention, the second pair of arms holding Roman close. He waits. Waits to gently tug that hand a little closer. Roman shuffles. His phone tumbles out of his pocket and Janus catches it with his third pair of arms, setting it carefully on the table.

He lays back, all six arms accounted for. Waits.

Is something you want?

Roman looks so apprehensive, reaching out with his other hand. He folds Roman in gently, letting him move at his own pace, easing his weight down on top of Janus like they’re afraid of hurting him. As soon as he’s all the way down, still propping himself up to keep the weight off of Janus, Janus embraces Roman tightly, smiling a little at the way he instantly goes limp, exhaling sharply. Part of him takes a little selfish pleasure at having Roman in his arms; he’s so warm, he’s just the right weight, he fits so perfectly. But he’s still so tense, poor thing…

Just as he did with his hand, he explores gently. He lightly traces up and down Roman’s sides, wiggles his fingers as he runs them along Roman’s spine. Smirks a little when he feels Roman’s muscles tense and shift as he squirms under the gentle attention. Sweet little thing is ticklish too, hmm?

Like Roman, he doesn’t want to risk breaking this moment with too much noise, but he has to really fight the urge to coo and fuss when he starts scratching his hands through Roman’s hair. Roman whines for him, completely involuntarily, and it’s so small and tired and hopeful and adorable that he can’t help seeing if he can make him do it again. He can.

They have no idea how long they lie there but an alarm on Roman’s phone breaks the silence. Janus barely glances at the label—‘stop and get back to work’—as he shuts it off. He laments its intrusive presence as Roman startles horribly, scrambling up. And he can’t help himself, he catches him.

Roman should get back. He should do so many things but Janus is being so kind and he’s not too warm and Roman has no idea how he’ll react and what if they never get this chance again and he’s holding him so gently and the way he’s looking at him…

Is this something you want?

Janus lets out a soft oof when Roman throws himself at him, wrapping his arms around him so tightly he’s sure it hurts. But it’s the thing he wanted and the thing Roman wants and it’s perfect.

He clings to Roman just as tightly until his own arms ache from it. Still, he holds on, until Roman slumps, burying his warm face into his scales without hesitation. Roman’s breathing stutters, he’s still so scared...so Janus softens, gentles his grip, goes back to the soothing touches from before. Tries to lull Roman back into that half-doze they were in before. It takes a long time, much longer than he’d like. Roman keeps jerking himself awake, his fists clenching and unclenching, unsure where to put his head, where to put his arms.

He breaks finally when his fingers hit a sensitive spot on Roman’s back and Roman gasps, Janus instinctively holding Roman closer and smoothing the hair away from his ear.

“Shh…shh…” One pair of his arms come up to hold Roman’s hands. “Shh… shh…”

I want you to calm down, Roman, that’s all I want right now. Shh…

It takes several minutes of careful shushing to get Roman to relax, several more before his breathing evens out and he dozes, right there in his arms.

They still need to talk. Roman’s carrying so much grief with him that, now that he’s looking, he can see the strain. Roman is so tired, he can feel it. And he desperately wants to know what happened to turn Roman into this frightened creature, constantly bracing for a blow, so confused in the face of any affection. But for now…

He’s self-preservation, protection when protection is needed most. Of course he can be caring.

He leaves Roman in Patton’s care, giving them the space they need to make sure he doesn’t push. Not now, perhaps not ever. He receives a gentle thank-you when they happen to pass in the corridor. And it’s…good. There’s a sweet aftertaste in his mouth when he talks for a few days.

A few days later, his mouth tastes horribly bitter again and he knows it’s time. He appears to see Roman sitting ramrod straight, staring at the wall.

“…well, you certainly look as calm as can be.”

“Oh. Hi, Janus.”

“Hello. What seems to be troubling you?”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry. I’m alright.”

The lie tastes sour. “May I join you?”

Roman nods.

“Thank you.”

“Did you need something?”

“Are you…in a proper enough headspace to have that conversation?”

“…yes. Yeah, I think so.”

He can’t quite taste another lie. This is probably what Virgil means when he says it’s important to trust people about their own boundaries.

“I have a proposition for you. I would like you to hear me out before commenting.”

“Of course.”

“…you lie quite often.” Roman nods. “You are not of the opinion that lying is inherently wrong.”

Roman shakes his head nervously.

“You use lying as a defense mechanism to protect yourself, don’t you?”

A new wave of bitterness.

“…do not be afraid,” he says quietly, “it’s quite common.”

Roman’s brow furrows a little.

“Your first response to any question that causes a heightened emotional response is usually a lie,” he explains, “because your instinct to protect yourself kicks in and forces you to say what you think the asker wants to hear.”

Roman’s mouth tightens.

“It also coincides with the need to make yourself as small as possible. If you…do not require many things, or if you do not actively contribute to things that require any extra effort, odds are you will not be hurt.” Janus tilts his head. “I believe Virgil calls it ‘being low maintenance.’”

Roman huffs a laugh and looks away.

“Does that sound about right?”

“…mhm.”

Janus fiddles with the cuffs of his jacket almost absentmindedly. Roman has developed a…particular style of dishonesty that intrigues him.

Roman is very open about vulnerable topics; speaking freely and without hesitation about how he feels about his looks, his mannerisms, his sexuality, pretty much every aspect of themselves that the Sides can think to ask about. But that’s not the same as actually being vulnerable. It’s hiding behind too much honesty, taking advantage of the fact that others don’t tend to talk about those types of topics in that much detail to let them mistake it for actual vulnerability. But it’s not. It’s just a different type of hiding.

It’s not a lie. Not even a lie of omission. Which means it’s harder for Janus to detect. Even harder for the others. So it’s easier for them to believe Roman is more honest than they are. Which let him get away with lying, let him get away with sacrificing his own needs, let him get away with hurting himself.

The pitch is the easiest part, Janus decides. Definitely.

“Virgil and I have an arrangement of sorts,” he opens with finally. “Logan helped us figure it out. If…one of us receives an answer they believe is untruthful, a second chance is offered.”

“A…what?”

“If I ask Virgil a question, or if Virgil asks me a question, and we don’t believe the answer we receive to be true, we say: ‘second chance.’ Then we have another chance to answer. There are never any consequences for lying, or choosing to take the second chance.”

“…so…”

“So if I were to ask you what’s troubling you—“

“It’s fine,” Roman says quickly, “really, it is.”

Janus gives him a small, sad smile. No, no it isn’t, but this will serve as a good point.

“Second chance?”

Roman’s mask slips. It’s a good mask. Right up there with Patton, and Logan, if he’s being evaluative. Perhaps even up there with his own. But it’s cracking.

“You know it’s unwise to try and lie to me, dear,” he pushes.

Ah. Too much. Fear swells up behind Roman’s eyes and he stammers.

“…I…”

“If you do not wish to tell me,” he soothes, “I will not force you too.”

“Then I would rather not say,” Roman says carefully, each word laid down for Janus’s inspection.

“And there are no consequences.”

The wave of pure relief that washes over Roman is enough to make Janus smile properly. There’s a horrible moment where he looks like he doesn’t believe it, he’s waiting for the punchline, but then it doesn’t come and Roman just slumps, a massive weight rolling off his shoulders. Janus can’t help but watch the corner of his mouth tick up higher and higher as he realizes it’s okay.

“Well, judging by that expression,” he says, “this certainly will be awful for you.”

Another thing about Roman is that for some reason, probably tied to his connection to the Imagination, is that he has this…field around him. Janus is sure Logan’s not interested in it at all and they haven’t spend hours upon hours talking about it. But he can feel the wave of care and love and relief that hits him, making his heart ache pleasantly in his chest.

It’s gone far too quickly and Janus isn’t saddened by it, his brow furrowing when Roman fidgets with his hands, obviously trying to work up the nerve to ask something.

“…why…when you said this was common,” he says eventually, “what did you mean?”

Ah. This won’t be difficult at all.

“The…sophistication of your coping mechanism indicates that it has been developed over a long period of time,” he starts.

“…okay?”

“Not uncommon in victims of abuse.”

“What…what are you talking about,” Roman stammers, obviously trying to laugh it off, “I—I haven’t been abused.”

Oh.

Oh, that’s…oh, Roman…

“We have ridiculed you for expressing vulnerability,” Janus murmurs, “we have ignored you when you express deep feelings. Sometimes, when you attempt to speak about them, we tell you that your feelings are not worthy of your reaction, or we are indifferent.”

Janus shifts, letting his regret bleed into his voice as he continues.

“We have manipulated you to get what we want. We have used shame to make you feel bad.” Janus clenches his fists in his lap. “We have led you to believe things are your fault when they aren’t. We have pushed you to question your sanity.”

There’s an awful silence.

“We’ve been gaslighting you, Roman,” Janus murmurs, “and worse. Tell me, what does that sound like to you?”

Any semblance of relief from earlier vanishes, replaced by denial, worry, panic, and so much anxiety for a moment Janus worries Virgil’s going to be summoned.

Then his mouth fills with an acrid taste, coating his tongue so much it almost chokes him.

“…I’m sure you know that I’m summoned by continuous lying.” Why I appeared in the first place.

Poor Roman barely hears him enough to nod.

“I know what the lies are when I hear them.”

Another nod.

“Which means,” he murmurs, reaching out and gently touching Roman’s temple with two fingers, “…I can hear these.”

Roman freezes.

“There. That.” Janus’s eyes widen. “Oh, oh no, sweetie, I’m not here to be cruel to you.”

Roman doesn’t hear him.

“Breathe, honey, come on…in for four, hold for seven, out for eight.”

Roman’s not breathing at all. Janus leans forward to try and help when Roman’s mouth opens, his voice sharp and determined.

“When people lie,” he says, “does it hurt you?”

“What?”

“Does it hurt you?”

He knows what Roman’s asking and he adores it, of course he does. He adores that Roman’s so worried about hurting him, not himself, Janus, that he’s willing to punish himself by forcing away a defense mechanism that he’s had for years because it might be hurting Janus. He loves it.

“…no. Not a direct correlation,” he says, “no. More often than not, I can tell or sense what the truth would be and…that is not often pleasant. But no, Roman, you are not physically injuring me when you lie.”

“And what about when you’re telling the truth?”

“…sweetie, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself far more that you’re going to hurt me.”

Roman’s face pinches as he looks away, so determined that it looks completely painless. It doesn’t hurt.

“Would you like a hug?”

“N-no, no, I’m fine.” Roman’s hands don’t shake. He doesn’t hunch around himself protectively.

“Second chance?”

“…please?”

“Come here.”

He’s warm, but not warm enough. His aura is relieved, but not relieved enough. He’s still, but not still enough.

The bitter taste in Janus’ mouth isn’t horrendously painful.

“No, sweetie, you’re not being inconvenient.”

You have hidden this so well, so well we never realized how much this hurts you.

“I’m not angry with you for trying to protect yourself.”

I will be the first to admit that I have…not acquitted myself well from the things I have done to you, please let me try now.

“You’re not hurting me.”

Don’t deny yourself comfort, especially when you need it so badly.

“And no, sweetie, I don’t hate being touched as much you think I do.” Janus does find it easy to cry, he does get overwhelmed easily. And yet the lies he can hear right now threaten to make tears spill over. “…must you be so cruel to yourself?”

“…sorry?”

Ah, yes, apologies. That’s a conversation for another time. Janus sighs, running a hand through Roman’s hair. “At any rate, it’s not like you’re nice and warm and much better suited than the others.”

Finally, the bitterness recedes, just a little. Janus swallows, washing away the last vestiges on his tongue, cuddling Roman closer. He looks down, seeing his mouth open and close. Laying a finger gently against his lips, he shushes Roman as he tries to speak.

“Hush, you don’t have to say anything, sweetie. I understand.”

“Okay,” Roman huffs, “I will say the whole…mind-reading thing is not ideal.”

Fair enough. “I am only paying attention right now because you seem to be having some difficulty speaking,” he murmurs, chucking him gently under his chin, “I will not be all the time.”

“Okay.”

“Or you could simply…not lie to yourself.”

“Unrealistic.”

It makes him laugh a little. “Something to work on, no?”

Roman nods, gently head-butting Janus’ hand. He smiles, cupping Roman’s chin, idly tapping his fingers. The smile grows when Roman closes his eyes, tipping his head back so Janus can scritch lightly.

“Perhaps it will help you with these,” Janus murmurs, lightly stroking his fingers over the shadowy bruises just below Roman’s collar, “hmm?”

“…Thomas, huh?”

Janus raises an eyebrow when Thomas summons him. “Well, this is entirely expected.”

“I need your help.”

“Then this can’t be serious at all.”

“It’s about Roman.”

Janus pinches off the rest of his sarcasm. “Tell me.”

“I, uh, I made a…discovery,” Thomas says, “about…things.”

“How remarkably descriptive.”

“You know the phrase ‘bruised ego?’”

Janus stiffens at Thomas’s words. “…I am familiar.”

“…turns out it’s a lot more literal than I thought.”

Oh.

Oh, no.

It’s Janus’s job to protect the ego.

What…what has he done?

“He doesn’t care for you at all, sweetie.”

Roman opens his eyes, peering up at him with poorly disguised hope.

“Neither, for that matter,” he continues, running a thumb over Roman’s jaw, “do the others. Virgil, for one, despises you for being able to make him feel so wonderfully safe.

“Patton thinks the absolute worst of you—“ he pats Roman’s cheek— “and the care that you give so freely to others.

“Remus, well, he of course doesn’t value you at all,” he drawls as he tucks a loose piece of hair behind Roman’s ear, “let alone your willingness to touch and interact with him as he’s so used to that.

“And Logan would definitely prefer it if you were to never be so clever and considerate ever again,” he finishes, stroking his thumb across his forehead.

“I don’t think,” Roman murmurs, “that I’ve ever been so glad to be pretty fluent in sarcasm.”

“Yes, your sarcasm is absolutely awful.”

“Yes, I know, I love you too.”

He expects a familiar bitterness to wash over his tongue. It doesn’t.

Oh.

“You don’t have to say it,” Roman mumbles, almost about to doze off in his arms, “you don’t have to say anything. It’s just…it’s there if you want it.”

“I definitely won’t take it,” he says as he presses their foreheads together, “and you definitely can’t fall asleep right here.”

There needs to be another conversation. He needs to know what happened after the wedding. He needs to know how, or perhaps more accurately, why Roman changed in the span of only a few days. He needs to know how Roman got so good at pretending.

He tries not to think about how much worse he’s made it.

…he also would like to know exactly what Roman meant when he said he loved him.

#sanders sides #fic #dragonbabbles #roman angst #roman sanders #roman sanders angst #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #roceit #rociet

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dukeofonions · 3 years

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Season Two Episode Ranking

Warning: I get very, very, very, critical in this ranking. Like, angry ranting that’s almost laughable. Should I be getting this worked up over an online series? Eh, probably not. But this is my life and I’ll get outrageously angry over whatever media I want.

Seriously though, this is all just my personal opinion. I’m not saying you have to agree with me and if you like the episodes that I don’t then that’s perfectly fine.

I tend to overthink things a lot and I spend most of my time analyzing every little details of this series because what else am I supposed to do at work?

So yeah, this ranking is definitely less positive than the one I did for the first season. But I hope y’all can still have some fun going over it! And if anyone does their own rankings be sure to tag me because I’d love to see them and see how mine compare!

Anyways, enough of me acting like this is more important than it is, on with the ranking!

I can’t believe season two only has 12 episodes. Now I went ahead and counted Moving On as one episode in this ranking since my opinions on both parts are pretty similar, but sweet cheese and fish this season started on September 1st, 2017 with Fitting in and right now is left on Putting Others First which came out on May 1st, 2020. And as of me writing this it is now May 2nd, 2021. It’s been a whole year since the last episode and we still have no idea when the finale is coming.

Like, bruh.

Also remember how the longest episode in season one was only about 15 minutes long and the shortest one was barely four minutes?

Well the shortest episode in season two is Crofters- The Musical which is 8:42 seconds. The longest episode is Putting Others First which is a whopping 51:09.

And I wish I could say that the writing was on the same level it was in the first season, but there’s a reason I put that warning up there.

Well, enough stalling, let’s get this ball rolling.

#11 Embarrassing Phases

There are no words in the English language that can describe the sheer amount of hatred I have for this episode. If I could rank this any lower, I would, which will happen once we finally get the season finale. I don't know how that episode will go but it'll definitely be better than whatever dumpster fire this was.

Like, okay. I have some positives. Roman, Patton, and Virgil's costumes were cool. I won't lie I live for vampire Virgil. And the message about embracing your past "phases" and exploring how they helped made you who you are. That's neat. I like that.

And that's it.

My biggest gripe with this episode is Virgil. He just acts like a complete bitch in this! And I don't mean that in an endearing way he's literally so mean for no reason!

He's all "You guys are trivializing my past!"

In response to them going "Hey Virgil, we're glad you're part of our group now and are proud of how far you've come!"

Like okay, even if it was insensitive to call it a "phase" literally there was no reason for him to get as angry as he did.

Just a simple; "Hey, I don't like it when you refer to what I went through as a phase because it feels like you're not talking it seriously."

Isnt that what this whole show is about? Communication???

It wasn't fun watching him just insulting the others, it was annoying!

Like poor Patton, just trying to help and be encouraging, only for Virgil to keep treating him like dirt.

What did I miss here? Virgil was fine in the last few episodes, so what the heck happened?

Oh and let's not forget the great advice Thomas offers Patton at the end of the episode in regards to handling Virgil: "Don't do anything to get on his bad side or else he'll do bad things to you!"

Okay I'm paraphrasing here but that's basically what he says! And since Virgil is supposed to be a representation of anxiety, this is a horrible message!!!

What happened to finding healthy ways to cope with your anxiety? What happened to keeping it in check so it didn't take over your life?

Yeah I'm definitely gonna make a full post about this one episode later because there's a whole lot more to unpack here. But yeah -10/10

#10 Putting Others First

There is just way too much going on with this episode. They try cramming so much in here that I don't even remember more than half of it.

I remember the opening song, then the Lilypadton fight and everything that happens from there. That's it.

And those are the best parts of this episode, but even that has problems because everything with Janus feels like a completely different episode.

Also the whole way they try to teach about morality is all over the place. How did we go from choosing a wedding over a callback to deciding whether or not you would die for your friends to self care is important?

And while the video game sequences, while utilized well in some places, were way too distracting and it felt like they were just trying to shove as many video game references in as they could.

You could take out just about all of them and the episode wouldn't change. Everything they were used for could have been done just through having the characters talk to each other, and knowing this makes the fact that this video was delayed for so long because of it just makes the whole thing worse.

Like the animations were well done, and I don't want to downplay the hard work the animator did. They were just doing their job after all.

But the trolley scenes (especially the second one) hurt my eyes with all the flashing (would have been nice to have some kind of warning for that) and some of the voice effects (especially on Logan's) were grating and distracting.

I want to rank this episode higher, but it has almost zero rewatch ability and honestly besides the ending, when I first watched this episode I was just kinda let down.

#9 Crofters- The Musical

Okay look, the song is a bop and I adore the fact that Logan and Roman got two episodes in the spotlight, but it's just kinda "meh" to me. Plus I get just a tinge of second hand embarrassment but that's just me.

And I know this is kinda unfair but another reason why this one isn't higher is because of a couple of things. One is that they set up some angst for Roman, he's clearly not doing well and Thomas thinks the best thing to do is tell him that he might get his own jam flavor.

Then he does, and instead of following up on that little plot point from this video, they just rushed out a commercial and completely ignored and potential story telling or character development for Roman.

So yeah "Return of the Jam" is the main reason why I don't like this one as much as I used to. And I actually just got an idea for a new post comparing these two so add that to my to-do list.

#8 Fitting In

I actually skipped this one during my first official watch through for one reason and one reason alone: I wasn't allowed to watch Harry Potter.

But I realized that my parents wouldn't approve of me of watching a gay man's content either so I just said screw it.

And luckily I understood enough Harry Potter references to get what they were talking about and honestly, this episode is a lot of fun.

It's a good follow up to Accepting Anxiety, and a nice way to kick off season two. Virgil is finding his place among the group and everyone is trying their best to make him feel welcome, it's really sweet.

And of course we get the new costumes (which i hadn't even noticed that they were wearing their old costumes at first) and I dunno it just gives off season one vibes and it makes me happy.

#7 Moving On Part One/Moving On Part Two

Yeah honestly my thoughts on both parts of this episode are the same. What can I say? It's really good.

This definitely one of the more emotionally heavy episodes in the series, and we see the characters at their lowest for really, the first time in this series.

I adore Patton's room and how each side gets their own corners. All the little details they add in, including the changing picture in the background, it really gives off that nostalgia feel they were going for.

What I love most about this episode is how (unlike some other episodes) they actually let the emotional moments sink in and don't throw in a joke immediately after. Like the ending is bittersweet, sad almost, and I love that they stuck with the mood up until the episode ended.

Not to say there weren't some jokes here and there (mostly in the first part) but once the mood shifts and things become more serious they let that mood stay. And when there are jokes they all work really well.

This is one episode I've actually watched the least out of season two, so it'll be interesting when I go watch it again to see if any of this holds up.

#6 Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning?

Honestly I only put this one above Moving On because Logan and Roman are my favorites.

This episode is actually one of the weaker ones, which hurts to say because again, favorite characters, but goodness it's all over the place. It feels like a precursor to POF and not in a good way.

Logan and Roman just basically argue back and forth throughout the whole episode, never seeing eye to eye with each other, to the point where I think think the writers realized they couldn't find a way to get these two to agree so they just had Thomas step in and be like, "You guys make a really good team!"

Dude, were you even paying attention? They never even reached a conclusion on their own. And even though they have their little moment at the end, it's all kinda ruined when nothing in their relationship changes.

Yes, in Learning New Things About Ourselves, they acknowledge that there's more work to be done in regards to them, which makes sense. People aren't going to suddenly change overnight.

Yet despite having come to some kind of understanding with each other twice now (both here and LNTAO) in the following episodes they still act like they hate each other! Heck Roman is downright nasty to him for seemingly no reason and I don't really blame him for it.

More like I think the writers just don't know how to develop their relationship and just aren't as interested in them as the others. Logan's been reduced to being Mr. Exposition and apparently Roman's personal issues aren't enough for him to carry a room episode on his own because they felt the need to introduce two new characters before he finally gets it.

Sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the episode.

There's some funny bits here and there and the little animations are cute (even if unnecessary) but really it's only saving grace is being Roman and Logan centered.

Even though they felt the need to include a cameo from literally every other character because apparently no one has any faith that Logan and Roman can carry an episode on their own.

#5 The Sanders Sides 12 Days of Christmas

This episode is just pure fun. Look, I'm not a big fan of Christmas, even less of a fan of Christmas songs, but my gosh this episode almost makes me appreciate the season.

The way they're all just bickering the whole time, being very confused, and how there's just so much personality from each character even when they're not talking/singing and just being in the background is *chef's kiss* perfect.

There's so many fun little details to pick out during the song and it's fun to go back and watch how each side reacts to different things.

#4 Selfishness vs Selflessness

Gonna be real, this used to be my favorite episode. Until my overly critical brain started finding all kinds of problems in the writing department but I think I’ve been negative enough on this post so I’ll save it for another time.

Janus steals the show in this one, it’s his first official appearance since his debut and he just soaks up the spotlight. It’s refreshing to have an antagonist in the show again, and he’s the perfect foil for each of the original Sides.

He knows how to play into Roman’s insecurities, know how to feed into his ego and get him on his side. He’s in direct opposition to Patton, who believes that everything Janus represents is wrong. He’s able to silence Logan and take him out of the conversation, speaking over him most of the time.

And I guess he and Virgil have some beef I dunno.

The courtroom scenario is fun, and I love how Janus is the only one who sees how ridiculous it is (even though it was your idea in the first place, Jan) and everyone else seeing it as perfectly normal is hilarious.

I do like some of the more dramatic moments in this episode, especially that final bit with Janus questioning Thomas until he finally gets him to admit the truth. It was intense and reminded me of the scene where Janus confronts Roman in a similar manner.

While far from perfect this is still a good episode and I can find a lot to love about it, like Janus in a suit.

#3 Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts

This episode scared the shit out of me and I loved it.

Okay it didn’t actually scare me. But I stayed up to wait for it to be posted, which wasn’t until 2 or 3 in the morning. So by the time I finally watched it I was half awake and not expecting anything that I witnessed.

The result was me being terrified of Thomas with a mustache and it prevented me from sleeping. I was over it the next day though and had Forbidden Fruit stuck in my head all day. Which isn’t good when you’re running the register at work and you can’t stop singing it.

There’s a lot of reason why I love this episode, Remus being the primary thing. His entrance is iconic, the first few notes from his theme play as he creeps up behind the TV, him smiling at Roman all creepily until he whacks him over the head and knocks him out for most of the episode.

Then we get the song, Forbidden Fruit, which is just great. Slight secondhand embarrassment but seeing the finished product and all they put into it, I can’t help but love it.

Still miffed that Janus hasn’t gotten a song... specifically a villain song... I won’t ever let that go...

Logan is another highlight in this episode (no surprise) and seeing him go head-to-head against his polar opposite without batting an eye was interesting since I was kinda expecting them to show Logan having trouble dealing with Remus but nope. He handled it like a champ and I love them both.

Now I am kinda wary as to how they’re going to handle Remus in the future, especially with the intrusive thoughts aspect. It’s a sensitive topic and they’re already screwing up anxiety. But Remus has only been in one episode so far which means I can’t make any solid judgments until he’s appeared in more episodes, so I’ll have to wait and see.

All in all, great episode! Definitely deserves to be in my top three.

#2 Learning New Things About Ourselves

This episode made me feel so nostalgic. I freaking love puppets and grew up with Sesame Street and the Muppets, so I’m probably biased towards this episode but to me this is really one of the better written episodes.

Perfect? Heck no. But really, really good.

I love that we get to explore a bit more with Logan and Roman’s characters, in a lot of ways this is kind of a Logan episode which has him standing against the other Sides, and it’s really interesting to see just how different he is compared to the three of them and it could just be me but it seemed like he’s becoming more of an outsider and isn’t as close with the original four as he used to be, and this episode is what really kicks that idea off.

I can also relate to the “Well that’s nice but what do you do for a living?” message, except in my case it’s more like I want to quit my “real job” to pursue what I’m passionate about while people tell me it’ll probably never happen or “Yeah that’s a nice hobby!” So this episode really struck close to home and I just have a lot of sentimental feelings towards this one.

I love all of the designs for the puppets, they all just fit perfectly and I wouldn’t mind seeing them make a comeback one day. I know that’d be difficult since they’d need a professional to puppet them but hey, one can dream right?

And oh my gosh the song, it just gives off the same feel from Sesame Street and Muppet songs with it’s jazzy feel. And I won’t lie I flipped my lid when Logan and Thomas were in the same shot together. We hadn’t seen any of the Sides share the screen with Thomas yet and the fact that it was Logan, and he was arguing with Thomas and they were singing over each other? Ah I love it!

Also don’t get me started on how Logan’s bit in the song sounds more villainous than the others. I’m not saying anything just a neat little observation.

I have a lot of happy feelings attached to this episode, so despite the few problems I have with it I could never bring myself to hate it. The only one that tops it is...

#1 Can Lying Be Good?

The episode that started it all. The one that caught my attention and sparked my new fixation on this little series that I had just glossed over before.

I really don’t know what prompted me to watch this episode, other than I wasn’t in the best place and it just happened to pop into my recommendations one day and I figured, “Huh, haven’t watched this guy for awhile. Let’s see what he’s been up to.”

Once the episode was finished my first thought was “Holy shit when did this series start having lore?!”

This episode is probably the closest thing to perfect out of all the season two episodes so far. The writing is clever, pretty much all of the jokes land, and oh my gosh the editing in this one is phenomenal.

The way they show Roman shifting between himself and Joan throughout the episode is what sticks out the most. Having Roman’s voice coming from Joan, or having them briefly change back to Roman, I love it so much.

Not to mention Thomas’s ever changing shirt that reflects what he’s thinking/feeling is a neat little detail.

Did I mention this episode is hilarious? The ridiculousness of each scenario that they act out, with all the little inputs from Logan and Virgil who are both trying their best to do their jobs besides not even wanting to be part of it in the first place is adorable.

And of course, the man of the hour, Deceit. Or Janus as we now know him as.

Is it weird that I like Deceit more as a name? Probably, but that’s just because I don’t like how early his name was revealed.

Okay that was my last negative comment. Promise.

Now since I hadn’t watched Sanders Sides in a while I didn’t notice anything off about “Patton” during my first watch. But going back after seeing the rest of the series helped me catch all the little hints they added to clue in the audience that something wasn’t right.

A lot of it is really subtle, mostly in the acting department, but once you’ve caught on to everything it makes you wonder how you didn’t notice the first time. You can even see Logan and Virgil throughout the episode, knowing that something is off with “Patton” but holding back their concerns until Virgil finally calls Deceit out.

I’ve rewatched Deceit’s reveal so many times. When he finally drops the act after Thomas makes up his mind not to lie, you can just tell he no longer cares whether Thomas knows or not. Then things get even more tense when Logan is silenced, and everyone knows what’s going on except Thomas.

The music starts to build up, Thomas is flipping out, then after Deceit taunts him again he finally demands to know what’s going on and BAM there he is!

I love everything about this.

Like, what else can I say? This episode is brilliant. It really shows exactly what this team is capable of when they’re at their best. The pacing, the build up, the writing, all of it combined together to make the perfect episode.

Season Two has been, interesting. The long waits have caused some problems with the pacing and characters, not to mention the departure of Joan from the writing team with new writers entering the room, not to mention the first welcome now unwelcome arrival of Asides, and with only the season finale left before season three, it makes me wonder just where this series is headed.

I know this series is capable of doing incredible things, season one is still solid and it really holds up even after all this time. But season two just feels like a jumbled mess. Sure, it’s easy to enjoy the episodes individually, but once you try to fit them all together it’s like trying to jam a puzzle piece into a place where it doesn’t fit.

The best way to describe this season is as an experimental season. Each episode has the team trying something new, sometimes it seems these gimmicks take precedence over the story itself. Of course, some of these can work to the episode’s advantage, while others are just distracting and you’d know you wouldn’t miss them if they were gone.

It’s a mixed bag that’s for sure. One that has me watching in morbid curiosity as I wait to see whether it’ll crash in the end or blow my expectations out of the water. It really is fun to analyze these episodes, and yes I know I can be very harsh but believe it or not this is how I engage with media that I love.

My hope is that team will learn from season two and try to take a more simple approach with their production once season three roles around. Because if they continue at the same pace they are now I doubt there will be many people around to see this series through.

And on that note, that was my ranking of season two! I’m actually kinda excited now to go back and rewatch everything, I hope I don’t have to wait much longer to do so but that all depends on when the season two finale comes. Whether it ends up exceeding my expectations or just being “meh” I know it’ll be interesting regardless and I can’t wait to see just how they plan on wrapping this all up before the final season arrives.

#dukeofrankings #dukeofcritical #this one post spawned so many future posts #i'm gonna be a busy onion

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