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isaacdian · 4 years

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hope you don't mind me asking, do you have any Isaac and Miria headcanons? i'd love to read some from you. you appear to have a good grasp on the characters, and great love for them. :)

aw thank you so much for the ask, sure thing!

some of these will probably get into theory territory as well, because i’ve had the novels sitting in my mind for years now, and there are a few details i’d like to mention (beware of baccano light novel spoilers, just in case).

this could get a bit long, so you can read it below the cut:

i’ll write my headcanons/thoughts in no particular order. more people might have come to similar conclusions, but i don’t think i’ve seen any posts or had any discussions with anyone regarding these (at least in depth), so!

- i like to think that miria and isaac ran away from their then (seemingly) unhappy lives after they got to interact with each other for quite a while, and not spontaneously upon meeting for the first time.

there isn’t much evidence to back this up beyond some characters commenting that they “were probably runaways” or that “maybe they eloped”, so they might have escaped together on the spot, since we already know they can be very impulsive. however, i get this feeling that their bond took some time to develop, and i’d love to see some of their interactions as isaac dian —and— miria harvent before they ever became isaac & miria, if that makes sense.

i doubt they met too long before their string of robberies, though? this is such a weirdly specific and probably meaningless thing to pinpoint, but in 1935 miria asks isaac if he’s ever been to the circus, and he responds that he does remember animals, but he doesn’t remember if that was the circus or the zoo. this hardly means anything, but their circumstances overall don’t really make me think that they’ve known each other since they were too young.

- whatever optimism and general exhilaration regarding life isaac has is innate. on the other hand, miria has mostly acquired her own sense of hopefulness over time, with isaac’s help.

miria is a 100% confirmed literal ray of sunshine and this indisputable. it just hasn’t/doesn’t always come to her as effortlessly as it may seem. bloody to fair isaac and miria magic show color page.png

this is somewhat related to the next one (and also the last point i’ll mention at the end of this post):

- when isaac gets arrested and he and miria get separated in 1934, they’re both having an equally hard time dealing with this.

okay this one is like. obvious ksjksk. but i wanted to talk about how they deal with this situation, because at first glance it looks like miria got the shortest end of the stick here. and in a way, that might be true! i’ve already mentioned that miria herself has been shown thinking about how much isaac helped her to be happy, and narita has been deliberately vague regarding the nature of their silliness, on top of hinting at the possibility of their shenanigans being a kind of mechanism to escape the harsh realities of life from the rolling bootlegs (very first novel), if i recall correctly.

(btw:

i recall that somewhere in the 1935 arc, graham starts talking with the usual “let me tell you a sad, sad story” prelude. however, isaac and miria are upset by this, and they tell him that he shouldn’t tell sad stories, because if you do it, your happiness will run away. meanwhile, this part in cloudy to rainy living rent free in my head:

i have to laugh..........)

that being said, i couldn’t help but feel like isaac was having an equally bad time, even if he displayed it in a different and not so blatant way. while i was rereading the novels after i got to buy the official english release, i felt very strongly that something was definitely wrong about their separation, which, again, is obvious to us readers and to the characters who know isaac & miria. but it extends beyond that. there was this general feeling of knowing that whoever came across an unaccompanied isaac would magically feel like there was something missing. i don’t know how else to explain this. he’s still full of energy and optimism and he’s fueled by his desire to reunite with miria, but every time he’s shown hesitating or doesn’t reach a satisfying conclusion while thinking about a frivolous topic, it hits you like “oh... right” (firo didn’t help much on that last front, either, so miria and isaac must have had to discuss what exactly happens to fellas who don’t believe in fairies after their reunion... lol)

in short, he needs miria just as much as she needs him. this is something i’ve seen other people mention as well: isaac might be the “force” factor in their relationship, but that force won’t amount to much without miria’s “direction”, and viceversa. the lift each other up, and they keep each other grounded, too.

i’m also remembering isaac and sham’s conversation and just. there’s a self-esteem/confidence factor in there. Fun Game of Spot the Difference

and this is getting ridiculously long, so i’ll spare you from having to read my dumb thots about isaac’s (possibly real) fear of miria not liking him, as the narrator implies, which i subconsciously ended up linking to that one impossibly crack ending in the ds game, where you pick the option of him not knowing frankenstein’s monster’s real name, so miria leaves him after realizing how “cheap and uncool” he is LMAO

- isaac’s father might have been an academic of some sort, as well as a stern man who disapproved of his son’s flighty and childish tendencies.

???????? besides miria’s implied tragic backstory, the most we know about both of their pasts is that isaac comes from a wealthy family with whom he seems to have a bad relationship with, so even though i’ve tried to work out other details (his parents’ provenance for instance?) i can’t really elaborate on this. even if isaac’s knowledge on the topic is pretty scrambled (to put it nicely lol), he knows a lot about “the orient” as he puts it, and the “dian” surname is pretty unique so who knows!👀 i’ve only mentioned his father because isaac, too, has only mentioned his "old man” twice so far in the novels, if i’m not mistaken. in my opinion, it also speaks volumes how flustered isaac got when molsa apologized to him, because it was the first time someone older than him has done this. and this is pretty arbitrary, but if isaac started robbing and getting into trouble before he and miria even met and/or before he got kicked out/ran away from home, that whole deal about “being used to dealing with policemen” (in the unofficial translation i read back in the day it was something along the lines of “this isn’t my first time being interrogated by the police”) in 1934 would make sense, i guess, considering that miria didn’t realize what was going on at the moment even though she’s a fairly perceptive person.

anyways it’s too bad we don’t know that much about miria on this front, also!! i get the vague feeling that she might have also come from a wealthy family (probably not a good environment, though), since in 1935 it’s mentioned that the closest they’ve ever gotten to working/having a job was when they were digging for gold, apparently. that’s why i can’t really think of anything too specific regarding miria’s past and upbringing... i have a feeling that she might have felt alone, trapped and/or overwhelmed. let’s just hope that when she said her bruises would heal up fine with ice in 1935 it had nothing to do with this “i should have died” business :(((

- even though isaac and miria love their friends and would do anything for them, they aren’t particularly attached to anyone (or any place) besides each other.

this is more of an observation than a headcanon, but i find it really interesting: they would definitely do anything for their friends, and they do enjoy life very intensely, but that’s precisely why they don’t seem to be fixed in one singular spot? basically, i feel like they’re the personification of “home is where the heart is” taken to the extreme. they could go anywhere and do anything as long as they have each other, and they will never make any attempts to actively do things that make it easier to label their relationship, such as getting married, which is heavily implied by firo (i think) in 2002 bullet garden (i think!!). that’s also part of the reason why i’m sure they’d never find themselves commiting to things like taking care of a pet, or a child; it’s more like they instantly “adopt” everyone they run into, as if they’ve always been friends, even if they won’t meet again for months, years, or ever again. anyway, isaac and miria are extremely good and they are literally going to be happy together forever and ever! they don’t need to prove that.

that doesn’t mean they’re not sentimental, though! i like to think that they keep some meaningful objects that remind them of fond memories of their friends. and this is hardly canon because it shows up in the anime And in a background at that, but shoutout to the rocking toy horse in their california mine lol.

- miria knew about her own immortality (as well as isaac’s) before the 2000s.

THIS IS PROBABLY MY SPICIEST TAKE and i tried to back it up in the next point of this list. i still keep thinking i’m reading too much, into this but

i can’t stop thinking about the implications, folks

which brings us to:

- miria is smarter than isaac is and actually has a fairly good idea of when he’s making stuff up, but is happy to let him take the lead.

i won’t deny that isaac and miria dedicate a huge chunk of their day to doing moronic stuff, and they are pretty dumb, but i feel like people don’t give them enough credit for how perceptive they are. even though that’s true of the two of them, i feel like this mostly applies to miria.

among other things, we’ve learned that she knows ronny isn’t human and has supernatural powers (wow), which is why she comes to him for help after isaac’s arrest. she’s very good at paying attention to small details, such as the kind of programs ennis watches on tv, or chané’s feelings, when the two talk in 1934. miria also “really knows her way around japanese” and has been shown to --apparently?-- multiply large numbers in her head in 1935... while isaac was talking about how good of an idea it would be to use the martingale betting system. not to mention how isaac stated he “doesn’t know how to count money” earlier in this arc. my god ksdjgjks. i want to know what’s up with this, if anything.

so, yeah! there’s probably more stuff that i could mention, but i am exhausted lol. thank you for your patience anon, i have no idea how long this has been sitting in my inbox. always happy to get baccano questions <3 i apologize for any typos/errors and the like.

bonus headcanon: miria grabs ennis with one hand and chané with her other hand and they go out with their arms linked and excited and they learn more about having fun, as friends do. no printer just fax

#Anonymous #baccano #headcanon

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imajin-that · 5 years

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Meet Cutes - Joshua x Reader

A/N: I’m going to be honest with you, I have no idea if this is any good, but I wanted to write it, and its kind of incomplete? I could be persuaded to continue lol (I probably will anyway.) With Seventeen’s new comeback having me feel some type of way, enjoy this soulmate fluff thing. It features Meanie and Verkwan, and if I do another part, it will probably also have Jeongcheol because I am trash for my ships. Anyway, I love Josh so much, so please enjoy. Remember, our requests are open, so please feel free to request! Also there’s probably going to be a Minghao fic up on my AO3 soon, but is well over 10,000 words and I’m not even close to being done, so I don’t want to post it on here unless you guys want me too. As always, I hope you enjoy!

♥♥ Admin Daisy

The world you live in is weird. Vampires exist and live alongside humans with minimal problems. There are donation banks for them to feed if they don’t have a human mate, although there are contracts among close friends that allow for vein feeding. There are vampires that are beyond old and there are “baby” vampires. Baby vampires are usually either born vampires (like your best friend Mingyu) or are freshly turned (usually in the case of something life-threatening and only if there is an advanced directive already in place for this, or if they are someone’s mate, or (and this is even rarer) they petition the elders and then there’s a lot of psychological tests to make sure they aren’t, like, mass murderers or something.) It was really uncommon to not know a vampire in this day and age. Its no longer kept a secret and studies have shown younger vampires learn to control their urges and strength earlier and easier when around humans. That’s actually how you met Mingyu, shortly after the studies were released in the 80s, all baby vampires were paired with a compatible human baby. Mingyu was born a few months before you but latched on immediately when you were put together to see if you were compatible. Its been you two, plus the friends you’ve made growing up, ever since.

“I can feel that I’m going to meet him soon!” Mingyu had been telling you about his mate, something you barely understood. Apparently, all of the Old Ones have mates although not all of them are mated. Something about them not being born yet or not being found in one lifetime, or whatever Mingyu was saying.

“How do you know they’re a he? What if they’re a she and they’re sad because you were misgendering them?” Mingyu scoffed and took a drink of his coffee, they didn’t need to eat human food, but it helped them go longer without needing blood. It was another thing you didn’t understand but knew to be true, like vampire mates.

“I can tell. It's like.” He paused, trying to come up with the best example. “It's like when you look outside and it’s sunny and nice but you can feel the storm coming. You just know.”

“Oh. Do you know if they’re human or not?” You took a sip of your own coffee, briefly wincing at how hot it still was, Mingyu had ordered the coffee before you got there and it was finished as you arrived, but the two of you had been sitting in the coffee shop for a good twenty minutes. It was Tuesday, which meant that in another ten, Vernon and Seungkwan would show up. They were a pair of mates that would be insufferable with how in love they were if it weren’t for Vernon’s calm demeanor. You had met them when they first started at the college, Seungkwan shared a math class with you and had claimed you as his friend very quickly, adopting Mingyu in the process. He’d apparently met Vernon in high school and followed him to college so he could be with him.

“That’s the thing. They have to be. I can sense that they’re a lot older than me. Like, hundreds of years a lot.”

“So you’re gonna get stuck with an old man.” You snickered and he looked scandalized. “If he’s a vamp he’s probably young looking. And handsome. You’re all attractive as hell. It's not fair.”

“It's okay, Y/N, you can admit you’re in love with me, it won’t change our friendship.” He reached across the table to softly brush your cheek with the tips of his fingers. “If I wasn’t already technically taken, we would make a lovely couple.” You fake gagged at him, swatting his hand away from your face in the process. He just snickered at you.

“Is Mingyu flirting again?” Vernon had arrived, his mate nowhere in sight, however, prompting you to ask after complaining about Mingyu being his usual self. “Seungkwan’s dad asked to meet with him, apparently some of the Old Ones are coming to campus. Three of them have pinpointed their mates to this college. Seungkwan is only going to be in charge of one of them, but I guess it’s an important meeting.”

“Oh, so then I guess we’ll have another person joining us?” You were followed closely by Mingyu’s “Text him to get the new guy’s coffee order!”

“Seungkwan promised he’d give us all of the details as soon as he knew them.” Vernon had taken a seat in the spot Mingyu had moved from, sliding next to you instead. “I’m worried about him. He can be serious, but he has such a bright personality. I don’t want him to accidentally offend one of them and get hurt.” Vernon frowned a little before brightening and waving his arm, when you turned, you saw his mate glancing around the room with a stranger you could only describe as tall, dark, and handsome. And a resting bitch face, but you had one too so you couldn’t judge too much. Next to you, Mingyu prattled on making fun of how excited the normally calm Vernon was.

“Aww, the face of a man who’s whipped, what are you gonna do when-” Seungkwan and the stranger arrived at the table, and Mingyu was effectively cut off when he looked into the eyes of the stranger. Both of their eyes softened, the stranger’s black eyes melted into a warm brown. You realized that this was the man Mingyu was telling you about earlier.

“And our love story comes to an end,” you faked wistfulness, causing Mingyu to laugh but the newcomer to glare at you. His eyes were hard and it made you squeak and shrink in your seat. “I was kidding, I’m sorry.”

“Uh oh,” Vernon snickered and you sent him a glare. “Seungkwan, introduce your friend and us so he stops glaring at Y/N.”

“Oh! Right!” Seungkwan’s voice was cheery despite everything that had been going on. “Wonwoo, that’s Mingyu. The whole reason we were paired together! Next to him, is Y/N, his human and closest friend. And my mate, Vernon.” At the last part, he pushed himself in Vernon’s space and rubbed his face on the other’s. Both you and Mingyu looked on in disgust, but Wonwoo’s eyes stayed on you.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was deep and it made you blink for a moment. “We can be possessive with our mates, especially when we first meet them. As a vampire, we know immediately that we have a mate, it.” He took a moment to pause, looking down at the table before looking back up sheepishly. “It made me a little jealous that despite knowing I was close, he would be with someone else.”

“It's mostly me, I’ll make sure not to do it anymore.” This time Mingyu spoke up, slightly bumping his knee with yours. “We’ve known each other since we were in diapers. But I don’t have any romantic feelings for him. We’re very close and very tactile with each other. But I’ll try not to do any of that from now on.” Wonwoo’s mouth parted in surprise, before shaking his head.

“As long as it’s not romantic, I don’t have a problem with it. Most vampires are tactile with their family and mates. If you’re his family, you’re mine too.” Wonwoo paused again, as if trying to decide if he wanted to continue before pressing his lips in a line.

“You can have this seat, I’ll go order for you, Boo, and Vernon. What do you guys want?” Vernon and Seungkwan wanted their usual and Wonwoo wanted an iced americano. You thought it was kind of funny because it matched his exterior. He’d have to be somewhat soft with Mingyu as his mate. You startled slightly when Wonwoo’s hand brushed your shoulder when you walked by him, Thanks.

There was a bit of a line at the order counter and you pulled out your phone to help pass the time. You had a message from Jihoon, someone you shared a music class with, asking if you were at the cafe still. You replied with a yes and asked why, but were left on read. You frowned but moved onto checking your emails before scrolling through twitter. The line moved slowly enough that you received a text from Mingyu telling you to get another drink for him and yourself, as he drank yours. You snorted and rolled your eyes, sending a thumbs up back. There was some shuffling next to you, and when you looked up, you were startled to see Jihoon and a stranger, his eyes were regular vampire black and you smiled politely at the stranger before focusing on your classmate.

“Want coffee? Apparently Mingyu is buying.” Jihoon shook his head but smiled. “Okay, what can I do for you, then?” He gestured to the man next to him, who now that you looked closer had honey eyes and was unbelievably handsome. Literally the guy of your dreams as far as looks go. He had soft cat-like eyes and a gentle face, expression kind as he stood a little ways away from Jihoon but closer to you than you would expect from a stranger.

“Y/N, this is Joshua. He’s, well, he wanted to meet you.” Jihoon was smirking and Joshua looked sheepish.

“Uhh,” Before you could comment on that, the person at the counter moved and you took the time to order all of the drinks. “We’re at the table that’s between the fireplace and the windows.” You tapped your phone to the card reader and watched as it thought before displaying it was approved, thanking the cashier as you took the receipt. “It’s nice to meet you, but I can’t imagine why you’d want to meet me.” You gestured for them to follow you to your table, but Jihoon said he couldn’t stay and walked off.

“You don’t,” Joshua paused and bit his lip, “You don’t know?”

“No?” You stopped in front of the table and turned to him. “I’m sorry.” You weren’t sure why he looked so hurt by you not knowing, but Mingyu’s gasp drew your attention to him.

“We both found mates today!” You looked at Mingyu and Wonwoo’s hand before startling, his eyes had changed the same way Wonwoo’s did.

“I’m so dumb.” You pressed your hand to your face and groaned. “Sorry, Joshua, I didn’t even realize.”

“Oh yikes,” Vernon spoke this time, “Both of you got stuck with Old Ones.”

“That means they’re like extra possessive. I can totally understand one of them letting you be close, but both of them?” Seungkwan burst into laughter, a fond smile coming to Vernon’s face.

“Am I missing something?” Joshua had a musical voice, the kind that made you want to listen to whatever he had to say. But it was also commanding in the way that spoke of power and underlying strength.

“Only that Wonwoo almost had Y/N’s head earlier because of how close she and Mingyu are.” Wonwoo glared at Seungkwan.

“I wouldn’t have hurt her.” His voice sounded like he was sulking and Mingyu already looked so endeared. It made you smile, he was your best friend and you were beyond glad he was happy.

“I see.” From Joshua’s voice, he didn’t see and wasn’t happy about the idea.

“Let’s sit down,” Spoken to Joshua. “Our drinks should be here soon, here’s your receipt, Mingyu. I tried to get Josh and Jihoon drinks too, but they said no.” Mingyu laughed.

“I’m sorry for drinking your coffee. But it was getting cold and you were taking a long time.”

“I tried to stop him,” Wonwoo spoke with the ease of friendship, and it made you think of something you had read in your studies a while ago about two vampire mates being able to share memories and feelings once they met. Vampires who have human mates can push their own onto the human, but cannot receive it from the human except in rare cases. It was unfortunate because soon you would know everything about Joshua, but he would only know the basics about you. The thought made you frown, both of your hands were suddenly being held. Mingyu’s in your right and Joshua’s in your left. Both were meant to comfort you and both did.

“Thanks, guys.” You squeezed both of their hands before releasing Mingyu’s hand. Before you could say anything else, a waitress brought your drinks out and you reached for your drink immediately, but a hand moved to put it back down before you could take a drink.

“It’s too hot, love. Wait a moment.” You smiled sheepishly as Joshua, realizing he was right. He pulled the plastic lid off the container and turned to Wonwoo. “I’m surprised we didn’t get assigned the same person since our mates are so close. She doesn’t seem particularly close to Jihoon, but the others said she was.”

“Maybe because they were partners on a project for their music class?” It was Vernon who spoke up, “She’s been spending more time with him for the last month than us. Although she and Mingyu share an apartment, so he still got to see her. Uh,I’m Hansol Vernon Chwe, by the way. Seungkwan’s mate. My friends just call me Vernon, though.”

“Joshua Hong. It's nice to meet you.” Joshua’s smile was gentle but the color from Vernon’s face drained.

“Like, Seventeen’s Joshua?” At Joshua’s nod, he continued. “I uh, sorry for being so informal.”

“You’re friends with Y/N, that makes you a friend of mine.”

“Is it that a big deal? What’s Seventeen?” You were confused and looked between Vernon, Joshua and Mingyu for help. Mingyu mimed shaking hands and biting something, hands shaped into claws. It donned on you then, Seventeen was the group that head spearheaded peace talks between humans and vampires and pushed for equal rights. They were the ones who suggested blood banks and strict contracts after their now CEO found his mate, a human, and didn’t want him to be isolated from his friends and family. That had been at the turn of the 20th century, but Seungcheol had lived a long time before that. All of this information had been given out in the name of complete transparency, the idea that if you knew what exactly you were getting into, there would be less fear and stigma. It had worked, if your friends were anything to go by. “You’re that Joshua?”

“Yes.” He was suddenly shy and fearful as if you would reject him. “Seungcheol and I worked really hard to try and help people coexist. I know I’m old but I won’t hurt you.”

You flung your arms around him, “Thank you for giving me my best friend.” Everyone at the table was shocked. Tears sprang to Mingyu’s eyes, realizing that even though he was technically an apex predator, if they were still in hiding, he would have you. You two had done so much for each other while you were growing up, and you couldn’t imagine a life without him and the thought of someone hunting him made you sick.

“I-” You cut him off with a sob.

“What if I never got to meet you because of this.” You had been near each other long enough for you to feel the mating bond, incomplete until he bit you, but there none the less. You already had the pull of feelings, the kind that would only get strong the longer you were together. “Thank you for finding me.” Joshua wrapped his arms around you and rubbed his nose along your hairline, pressing a light kiss to your head.

#seventeen x reader #joshua x reader #meanie #mingyu x wonwoo #Vernon x seungkwan #verkwan #joshua hong x reader #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #joshua imagines #joshua scenarios

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jordm · 4 years

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Heartland 13x10 - The Passing of the Torch review

Remi for MVP. She may be just a dog but that also makes it a hell of a lot harder to “act” or contain how the dog acts within scenes, even if Remi is a seasoned actor being around for 13 seasons. I can’t help but notice that some of the “acting” after Remi was healed, like Remi approaching Amy when she was with Ty was not acting.

Also how about the promo pics clearly misleading that only Amy got hurt when really Ty did too but none of us caught it because he got shot in the abdomen and all promo pics showed him sitting down? Clever, clever.

Also, where was Katie this episode?! Was Katie not there to support her mom? Or did I totally just miss her in the scenes because even Peter was there... so if she wasn’t with her fam (WHO WAS ALL AT MAGGIES) where the heck was she?!?!!?

Looking at the credits, I think I just totally missed Katie because she’s credited sooo um oooops lmao

Amy/Ty

Spartan seems to have found a bound with wild horse (I don’t know the horses name okay), so Amy decides to try to tame the wild horse. She’s especially high strung because she’s still emotional about Spartan getting old and his recent injury and the look on Amy’s face when wild horse accidentally kicks Spartan in the leg is pure distress. A look of “What did I do?!? I was doing this for Spartan not to hurt him.”

Amy’s genuine sadness about Spartan, even though - as Ty says, his ligament is completely healed and they’re going to treat his arthritis (which is completely normal for older horses too per Amber’s post on IG) is also completely understandable because it is her last living link, besides the family home and her family - to her mother, especially since her mother died saving Spartan.

After a heartfelt conversation with Ty, and all seems well (Ty is even cleaning up the new house?!), things come crashing down and Amy and Ty get shot by sniper guy while aiming for the wolf. Luckily, they’re going to be okay (I mean... obviously?) and Ty was able to catch the license plate but this could have ended a lot worse. But this is Heartland.. did we really think either would die?

In the end, Amy is able to complete a join up with wild horse and Spartan and her family is there to watch it and it’s really just a wonderful way to end the season/episode. More Marion flashbacks about her younger life please! I loved the flashback to her first Spartan join up from S1X01. It was like Spartan was given Amy his blessing to ride a new horse so that he can rest his legs.

Can I also add, how cute was Lyndy when Ty pointed out that wild horse was coming and she turned her head and said horsey? What a scene stealer!

Georgie & Quinn

So, the real reason Georgie quit was because she missed Quinn? I guess thats somewhat realistic but, like where is the joy she had for jumping and competing before she met Quinn? It wasn’t as if she suddenly started loving jumping because of Quinn when she went to Europe. Why does she suddenly correlate being with Quinn to loving jumping when she had a passion for it pre-Quinn?

Narys the point though, because she goes to Kelowna to confess her love to Quinn and he just doesn’t know what to say, even if he’s been wanting to hear it for awhile. Do I blame him? No - it’s a lot to handle and not everyone responds to an ‘I love you’ in the same way. Anyone remember Gilmore Girls and how Rory and Dean broke up because she didn’t say i love you back how Dean expected? However... could he have responded better? Yes. He just seemed to walk away to collect his ribbon even though he acknowledges he’s been waiting to hear those three words, eight letters for oh so long. At the same time, she could have stuck around till after to have a full conversation - not one that is going to be interrupted by him having to go collect his ribbon and in the middle of the competition.

I mean, I get leaving because she felt that Quinn didn’t care any more but to me, it seemed fairly obvious that Quinn and the girl were just friends; however, Georgie was probably in a heightened emotional state so I don’t particularly blame her for thinking the worst. Although, perhaps if she had stuck around and waited, they could have talked and she wouldn’t have come home crying.

“Give me a reason to stay and I will” - Quinn

And just like that, Quinn is staying (funny how this always just works out eh?). He took a coaching job (which I suppose he realized is his calling) at a stable in Hudson, gets a snazzy nickname Golden Boy from Tim (who appears to not have a problem with Quinn since he doesn’t dote on the fact that he caught his granddaughter kissing another guy) and looks like he’s going to be here for the long term.

Perhaps he’s even going to be Georgie’s coach?! That was definitely the first thing I thought when I heard that Quinn was going to be coaching. I will say, i do like them together and they do fit better than her past boyfriends, but I don’t think i’ve seen enough of them to make a solid judgement until next season at least. Here’s to their relationship being more stable than Lou and Mitch’s!

Lou

How ironic; just as Tim says asks where Mitch, Lou’s supposed boyfriend (okay, he actually is her boyfriend but not the point) is to support her during the campaign, PETER shows up to support her. Irony at its’ best. And I suppose, ideally, Mitch is at their summer-turned-business home taking care of the herd but if Tim’s infer that Mitch hasn’t been around at all, yet Peter found the time to come from BC and help hand out posters and go door to door, then it’s a valid question.

Peter’s advice to not start up a shit storm with JD Worth when she hears about the snares is... probably correct but Lou’s assertion that JD is behind the snares is also 100% correct.

It’s probably correct to infer that sniper guy was trying to shoot the wolf but how STUPID is he to shoot at a wolf if he doesn’t have a clear shot and there are people around? How do you miss seeing two humans in the same shot? Luckily, Lou is able to pinpoint that the same truck sped out of there is the one JD Worth went to talk too after their chat AND Ty is able to grab the license plate. And she knows she has JD almost in a corner by the smile on her face.

In the end, Lou wins (not due to sniper guy ratting out JD but a win is a win I suppose) to no ones shock whose seen the promo pictures; even JD is indicted in his role in this mess! However... she does lose her boyfriend, who seems to think that Peter is winning Lou’s affection. I understand why he thinks that but Lou and Peter have worked hard to become friends after a messy separation, Peter is... uh dating Jen?, and he will have to live with the fact that they will always have a bond a a relationship. Look how far Caleb/Ty/Amy have gotten!

What about Lou defining herself as ex-wife... who defines herself as an ex-wife? On gravestones, you say ‘loving wife, mother, sister, daughter...’ etc but no one defines themselves as an ex-wife? That was just strange. What’s even stranger is that Mitch seemed to think the tipping point of their relationship was when Lou didn’t mention she was a girlfriend too... and while i suppose in the context that she mentioned ex-wife but not girlfriend, it makes sense but in the grand scheme of things, no one really defines themselves as a girlfriend. Plus, if they were really stable, this wouldn’t be an issue, but from what it sounds like, Mitch has been away a lot due to his new business and they haven’t been seeing much of each other. Even if this truly was an oversight, the fact that she remembered Peter before Mitch does say something.

On a whole, what’s going to happen with that vacation-turned-work property they bought? And seriously, will they ever get their shit together and be together together, because if they aren’t then I sure hope they don’t ever get back together again because this isn’t healthy. How do they decide to buy a house together to deciding that they aren’t fully committed to each other? Be together, or don’t be together y’all.

Jack

Jack feels that he ‘dug his heels in a little too much’ when Mitch kept on asking about expanding the herd and I can’t tell if this is brought on by wanting to make Lou’s life easier or because he feels bad or because he really wants to expand the herd. The idea to invite Mitch back into the partnership is a nice utopia but at the end of the day, Tim is right. Mitch isn’t family (by marriage of blood), but more family “family friend because he’s been around the farm so much” relationship and should Lou/Mitch breakup it would easily complicate things even further.. and given how unstable they’ve been keeping separate may not be a bad idea.

*LOL i wrote the above before Lou and Mitch officially broke up so I guess I saw the future. Perhaps it was a good thing they didn’t get back in business considering how on-off these two are!

OVERALL

This season was good - there was no Mongolia and more family storylines. I enjoyed Amy’s arc with Spartan, Ty not jetting off to Mongolia and being their for their fam, seeing Lisa and Fairfield(!) - even the election wasn’t a bad storyline and I enjoyed Quinn’s character. All the throwbacks to the past with the painting and the flashbacks to Jack’s life were also great to see and learn about.

I didn’t enjoy Casey’s one-episode arc nor the Lou/Mitch storyline (just decide to be together or not!!). And even thought it brought “drama”, the whole Wes “bad review” story line felt a little contrived and forced but in the grand scheme of things, besides some plot points which seemed out of character or continuation issues, the season picked up by near the end.

I mean, no one went to Mongolia and almost died - why would you when you can get shot in your own backyard? (jokes)

Songs in this Episode @heartlandians

Call to Arms - Evan Olson

I’m Boring - Jacob John

I’ll be There For You - Philip Larue

#heartland #finale #review #13x10 #passing of the torch

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spiritcc · 5 years

Text

Got it ol in me ded moroz bag, eNJOY THE INFO DUMP, CHILDREN.

1. Andrey Mironov and his Interesting Facts

Lemme not be original and recite the facts that might just as well be very-well known but I myself constantly forget about these:

The dude suffered from skin boils (furuncles) all over his body: this is one of the reasons he always wore these never-ending turtlenecks, it was just a way to hide the skin horrors. Those fuks also hurt af which bothered Mironov’s stage partners and friends in scenes where he’d have to fall and/or get caught by other people, because that they’d have to grab all his 20359582 sore spots and deliver The Pain. Obvs they’d be like m8 lets just change this scene but Mironov insisted to do it for The Art, so all they were left with was to figure out how to grab him today to lessen the pain.

The dude got one real daughter and one fake daughter (stepdaughter ok ok), both were named Maria, which never fails to entertain me whenever pics of both of them show up and ppl are like HECK YEA MASHAS!!! WAIT WHICH MASHA IS THIS??? The fake daughter recently split up from Livanov’s murder son which is a shame imo, it really looked like there was something good going on but alas.

Mironov was the epitome of YOLO, in a positive way, all Mironov and His Friends ever cared about is how to make money and have a grand time, bc nobody was ever rich in the USSR and tbh not that happy either. They can and they WILL get across half of Russia on a scooter to make a show for the grandmas of the Meat Processing Factory No. 425 for em sweet sweet 100 roubles, the absolute SLÜTE for the cash and vodka, jump in for the Good Kush and do not look back. The shite they did on their international theater tours is something else entirely, ma dudes, but basically: THEY WILL EAT YOUR CROPS, STEAL THE FOOD FROM SQUIRRELS, BEG STRANGERS FOR MONEY, DO A GROUP PISSING.

The betch was a constant victim of pranks: whether it was from Livanov and his canteen sausages, or his bffs Shirvindt and Derzhavin who packed his bag for his honeymoon with bricks and a portrait of Lenin, but the pranking shitstorm was relentless and neverending and it looks like Mironov took it all with a big ol face of :’)

2. The most dramatic celebrity romance

I think we can agree it’s them fucking Vladimir Vysotsky and Marina Vlady, my gOD how fucknig dramatic and inflated and over-exposed and fucking overrated, the meaning of DRAMA itself. Yall know how much the government LOATHED every single breath Vysotsky took anyways, thenks to his poetry/songs that rightfully shat all over the most prominent aspects of living in the USSR, so the guy was rolling in constant drama 24/7 as it was, bUT THEN! He just HAD to get involved with a French fucking actress and make it serious: cue the absolute shitshow of them trying to get married, then an even bigger shitshow of Vysotsky getting so fearless he wanted visas to visit his wife in France and he gOT THEM in the end, possibly resulting in the government using his cutouts as target practice. So the betch keeps spitting out his Realest Songs despite them being forbidden, gets a free pass to teh fuckin ABROAD!!!!!! to dick his wife down, and gets away with it ol!!!!! The romance is so fucking shite lmao the gal is still trying to make it out as something Special when the motherfucker was quite openly cheating on her left and right, he literally died with his new burd at his bed (i am so sorry yarmolnik’s wife i luv ur husband and i hope yall still happy together). I think I’ve accidentally read a snippet from her book where she fuckien started describing them FUCKING in some cringy terms i was like hELLO???? THE SHIDD??? Basically, every aspect of Vysotsky’s life and their marriage was always some full-blown drama and tragically enough it still is bc all these other fucks are still alive and throbbing for attention i am so tired.

However, I cannot not include a VERY HONOURABLE ADDITION of uuh ~somewhat” celebs because this romance was GOOD, AND VERY GOOD, AND EXTREMELY GOOD!!!!!

Fucking Brian Grover and Elena Golius in 1938, the absolute mad lads. We have a luv story of an English engineer and some Russian gal who fell in love despite the very real fears in the current regime and all, and despite the gal being woke enough to try and dodge such a potential death sentence on her ass, but Grover’s intentions were good and pure and serious so the otp became canon. The dude was such a sicc engineer he got actually nationwide famous thanks to his sicc good actions during some oil rig explosion disaster, which did make him a celeb I guess. After that the gal felt safe enough to confess her luv and get married but SYKE LOL good luck with that in the fucking 1930s! So Grover came up with a Cunning Plan where he just quit his job, bought an old truck and hid the gal between flour bags, transported her to Moscow and they somehow managed to get married there, bUT SYKE AGAIN!! He had to come back to England one day and when he wanted to return back to Russia TOUGH LUCK LOL THE POLITICAL SITUATION HAS CHANGED UR BLOCKED BETCH BYE. The wife pleads the government and is told to get fuck’d, she applies for a visa and gets fuck’d, the husband accepts a job in Persia and works there for five years in hopes that the country has sum Right People to help him get in Russia, but no luck. Finally, the wife writes to him that’s all lost and rip and they should just forget it all, and this is where Grover goes :)

One day a nice man shows up at London’s flying school asking for a pilot’s license, to which he obvs gets a rational answer of UH M8 YOU GOTTA COMPLETE THE FLYING COURSE N ALL IT LITERALLY TAKES YEARS TO DO??? and the man says that’s ok :)) i am ready :)) in just under a MONTH he gets his license, and uses his last money to buy an old plane and pay another pilot to accompany him on his Surprise Journey, which was literally FLYING ACROSS THE CONTINENT ILLEGALLY TO RUSSIA TO SEE HIS WIFE. So em fucks buckle up and navigate their way with a help of a fuckigg world map from a high school geography book, it was so cold Grover had to water the fuel meter with hot coffee from his thermos to stop it from freezing, all until they finally ran out of everything and safely crashed SOMEWHERE in Russia.

So as the shocked as fuck farmers watch an English fucking plane crash in their field, some nice gent crawls out and in broken Russian says something liek Hello I am Brian Grover and I’m Here To See My Wife :))

Cue the NKVD prison, the mass coverage from the press, the criminal charges up to 10 years in gulags bc of how many fucking laws he broke, but as it became very clear that his only objective was to see his wife, the court suddenly chilled the fuck out and only ordered him to pay a fine and allowed the luv burds to ~reunite~ while the court cheered. SO BRIAN AND ELENA GOT TOGETHER FOREVA AND HAD TWO KIDS AND LIVED WITH EACH OTHER ALL THEIR LIVES TILL THEY WERE LIKE 90 AND DIED ONE YEAR APART!!!!!

IF THAT AINT THE MOST DRAMATIC ROMANCE IN THE USSR THEN NOTHING ELSE IS.

3. Goodie actors/Baddie actors

i wallow quite a lot in biographies and autobiographies n all, and from them i certainly learned that no person is just 100% good or evil, like there are always aspects of their lives where they are assholes, but there are always good sides to them as well, so in that conclusive sense of ASSHOLE vs ANGEL, nobody is either. My luv smoktun is a strong power bottom irl but an absolute annoying betch when it comes to The Art, mikhalkov is the fuckin devil child but everybody always praises how good of a director and even a friend he was (NOT ANYMOR HUH), Livanov is always that 50/50 on the pure evil vs goodness good scale, like it’s hard to just pinpoint a BETCH or a UWU.

But I’ll try and say that on the Bad scale, it’s usually the gals, and Nonna Mordyukova is one of them. Like we have divas, but then there’s this gal where you just never know what she’ll do to you. A nightmare to work with (”mordyuk” the “”swear word””” from the diamond arm is literally Gaidai getting pissed at working with her this much), explosive in life, holding fucking nothing sacred. Varley, her daughter-in-law, was just liek TF 24/7 bc one day the grandson would be her best person ever and then SUDDENLY she’d be like FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS KID WHO KNOWS WHERE IT CAME FROM!!! despite the kid being a carbon copy of Mordyukova’s son. You’re just constantly at her vague mercy wondering which stars should align today for her to suddenly change your mind about you, like idk what is everybody loving about her but she was a rather heavy and unpleasant person to be around and fuck that. Also, not a good fucking actress. Find me a role where she isn’t playing some Ethnic Slavic Woman.

As for the Pure Good, we will never have the Pure but the Big Good is Alexander Abdulov. Trust me, this guy sure knows how to tell you to fuck off and push his own self to get something and punch you in the face and even describe how he’s going to dismember you with a straight face (asdfgh it’s a long story), but he was Good. Anything you read about him, all Good, he was a very friendly guy, outgoing, active, kind, made friends with everybody, was an insane workaholic (only managed to work on the wizards during the night bc for the rest of the day he was busy in FOUR OTHER FILMS SIMULTANEOUSLY). I luv his own fake daughter story bc he really did consider Alfyorova’s daughter his own, and he’d fuckin punch you so hard if you tell him otherwise. As he said himself, he knows all her problems, all her interests, all her worries and joys, so she is his 100% no-gmo daughter. aND the fake daughter has an insta n everything and everytime she mentions Dad it’s nothing but love and rainbows and almost a decade later after his death she still cannot bring herself to visit his grave bc she just doesn’t believe that he is truly dead. All of that, mind you, with the fact that abdul and alfyorova split up and he had a family of his own later in life n all, so there was NO obligation for anything at all from either of them and yet still abdul loved her senselessly. She’s ask for a bag of sweets and he’ll get her a fucking truck of these, total mad lads all around. PLUS he was Peltser’s almost fake son she luved him this much, and stories about Peltser indicate that she was One Hell of a woman, and yet even she crumbled before the Good. I’m just never worried when it comes to articles about abdul bc i know it’s either clickbait or something good again.

THAT’S ALL DED MOROZ HAD IN HIS BAG FOR THESE QUESTIONS, CALL SNEGUROCHKA X3 MORE TIMES TO SUMMON MORE

#andrey mironov #alexander abdulov #vladimir vysotsky #QUESTION TIM BITCH #ASK MORE MY BALLSACK IS STILL FUL- shouldnt have said that

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stennnn06 · 7 years

Note

Sanvers or someone drags Kara for a night out to cheer her up after losing her job, end up in a gay club and there's more than a few women hitting on her, one coming off particularly hard and Kara is flustered. In comes her savior in the form of one Lena Luthor a la Kate (Dates, can't remember her surname lol) and Kara is even more flustered. What happens next is up to you~

This was fun!!! Thanks for sending this, I hope it gives you all a bit of a fun jolt. [Not Canon in terms of timeline - Lena/Kara are more like ep 2/3 status, even though Kara is fired from her job. Maggie knows Kara is Supergirl. Carry on…]

Off the Record - on AO3 or under the cut!

Off the Record

The music is so loud she can practically see it pulsing, and for once, she’s fairly confident it isn’t just because of her enhanced senses. Kara can’t pinpoint exactly why she let Alex and Maggie drag her to a club on an unassuming Thursday evening, but being recently unemployed, and fresh out of other ideas, she agrees to a spontaneous night on the town. It’s a rare combination when Supergirl isn’t being beckoned and CatCo isn’t calling, the former suspiciously quiet, the latter a sad new normal after Kara’s most recent transgression.

She doesn’t want to say she was fired, but Snapper made it clear. Kara prefers to think of it as crusading for justice, but her empty desk begs to differ.

“Why did you bring me here again?” Kara all but shouts into Alex’s ear, as her sister pulls her by the hand through the dense throng of gyrating bodies and cool glances. It’s a far cry from their usual quiet, unassuming alien bar, and definitely an interesting pick for her sister, who is more about pool halls and beer.

“Because you need to live a little! You’ve been sulking around and frankly, it’s making me depressed. You need some fun!” Alex nods at Maggie, holding up 3 fingers, signaling the number of drinks, and grinning at Kara. “Besides, it’s the only bar in town where you won’t get obnoxiously hit on by every man within two feet of you.”

Kara looks around, and it hits her, then, that the crowd is two things – very female, and very, very gorgeous. She gulps.

A gay bar shouldn’t surprise her, and it doesn’t, not really. But it brings with it a whole new set of issues. Namely, issues that come with lip bites and lingering stares that make Kara’s cheeks flush and the room spin. Just surveying the crowd, she accidentally makes eye contact with quite a few women, each one more suggestive than the last, and she finds herself looking away forcefully. She’s embarrassed to be caught gawking, but finds herself pleasantly amused.

Definitely amused.

She isn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it’s kind of – thrilling. It feels good, and she feels the familiar warmth creep into her chest that she usually only associates with the looks she receives from one other person. A person she is refusing to think about right now, because it isn’t a crush. It’s not. Her relationship with Lena Luthor is strictly professional, with perhaps a tendency towards personal as of recently, but nothing beyond casual friendship. It isn’t Kara’s fault that Lena is stunning, and captivating and brilliant—

“Are you okay?” Alex cuts in, her head tilted in curious thought.

“G–great! Good. Yes this is exactly what I need!” Kara agrees, pulling herself from her thoughts and stumbling forward into an empty booth, pulling Alex along with her.

“First round, on me!” Maggie cheerfully calls out, smiling as she delivers the goods. “Sorry Kara, I know it won’t do much for you, but it’s got a tropical umbrella.” She rolls her eyes good naturedly as Kara grins. The tropical fruity drinks make her happy, if for nothing else than they remind her of sunshine and taste like juice.

Kara grabs for it enthusiastically. “I came prepared!” she announces, producing a small unlabeled bottle from her purse. The alien alcohol came from their corner bar, a little gift from M’gann after Kara gave her the best version of puppy dog eyes she could muster. Alex purses her lips and rolls her eyes, but Maggie holds out her hand for a high-five.

“Nice! Cheers then!”

They clink their glasses and everything feels better than it has in weeks.

It doesn’t take long for Kara to get targeted, much to Maggie and Alex’s endless amusement. A surprise drink lands on the table in front of Kara, and the waitress smiles, winks, and points across the bar to a lovely brunette who is smiling kindly. She raises her glass and Kara blushes, trying desperately to figure out where she knows her from.

“I–I don’t know her?” Kara whispers to Alex frantically. “Why would she buy me a drink?”

“It isn’t because she knows you, Kara. It’s because she wants to know you.” Alex laughs and shakes her head. “Sometimes you really are a useless alien.”

“Wants to–OH…” Kara realizes quickly what’s happening, and bites back the smile creeping across her face. She’s flattered, really, but has no idea how to respond.

“Relax, you don’t have to do anything. It was a nice gesture. Drink up.” Maggie assures her and Kara exhales in relief. She swallows her drink with a mixture of pride and a little boost to her ego, before settling back into the booth comfortably. She isn’t going to strike up a conversation with a random stranger – not yet. But maybe…

Her eyes wander and trail across the crowd periodically, as if she’s searching for something in particular. Subconsciously, she is, but she can’t be sure of what exactly. Not until her eyes land firmly on a familiar face that flashes through quickly, before turning away.

“What is she doing here?” Kara almost spits out her drink as she continues to stare across the room. She’d just spent the better part of an hour struggling to determine if her eyes were playing a cruel joke on her, or if a certain attractive CEO was actually in the same bar they were in. Could this really be happening?

Her eyes are not deceiving her. Lena Luthor is absolutely in the bar, because Kara knows she’d recognize the profile of that face anywhere. But who is she with?

Kara is squinting hard, now, on the verge of using her X-ray vision if necessary, when she hears Alex respond to the question she forgot asking out loud.

“Who?”

“Lena Luthor!” Maggie interrupts, following Kara’s stare before Kara can reply. Maggie and Alex exchange knowing looks, before grinning conspiratorially.

“You should go say hi to her!” Maggie nudges Kara. “You guys are friends, or something, right?”

“Don’t encourage her!” Alex glares at Maggie in a half mocking tone, but Kara feels she’s somewhat serious. Still, Maggie’s eyes sparkle as she winks in Kara’s direction, like she knows something Kara doesn’t.

“I mean, I wouldn’t call us friends, exactly, more like… acquaintances? Work…friends? I’ve interviewed her a few times, and she likes my writing, but that’s all…” Kara trails off, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. She knows it’s a joke, but could she really go over to Lena? Were they at that level? She couldn’t deny the thought did sound appealing. But what would she even say?

Starting a conversation with Lena suddenly becomes much more daunting without the guise of work to fall back on. Kara slumps in her seat at the realization that losing her job means losing her direct line of access, and therefore, direct line of excuses, to go see Lena.

“Relax, Kara. You’re bulletproof.” Maggie grins, sipping her drink before putting it back down. “Besides, I hear her bark is worse than her bite.”

“And how do you know that?” Alex asks incredulously, her eyebrows raising in surprise.

“A high profile person like that who comes with a lot of baggage? Good old detective work, my friend,” Maggie shrugs, sipping her drink, “I hear things.”

“You’re a gossip hound, is what you are.” Alex rolls her eyes and scans the room, settling on the topic in question. “Her dress probably costs more than my apartment.”

“Both of our apartments, actually,” Maggie chimes in. “Girl’s got taste, that’s for sure.”

Kara is growing increasingly more anxious, her eyes shifting from her own table to Lena’s and back every so often. She’s trying hard to be subtle, but that is hardly one of her strong suits. Lena’s hand lands on the thigh of her counterpart and Kara feels a random surge of protective energy. She gets up abruptly, knocking the table with her hip and almost breaking it in the process.

“Woah, easy there, where’s the fire?” Alex holds out her hands to steady everything before looking at Kara for an explanation.

“I–More drinks! Who wants another round?” Kara fumbles an excuse and doesn’t wait for the response, already darting through the crowd angling for a closer look.

Kara doesn’t even see it coming. Call it ignorance, call it selective attention, call it naive. But she certainly doesn’t expect to be intercepted while crossing the bar by a nameless, but intriguing stranger.

“Has anyone told you that you look an awful lot like Supergirl?” An attractive redhead sidles up to Kara’s side, smiling innocently.

Kara looks around before she realizes that she is indeed the object of conversation.

“Really?” Kara crinkles her nose in mock surprise, feigning ignorance and acting like it’s the most preposterous claim in the world. “You’re too kind! No, no, I can’t say I’ve gotten that before.”

“Oh, it’s true, and I bet you’d look wonderful in that outfit.” The stranger says, inching slightly closer and resting a hand on Kara’s arm. “You look like you work out, in any case.”

Kara isn’t sure how to respond, and what’s worse, she’s completely lost sight of Lena. She sighs, her shoulders slumping, as she turns back to the girl in front of her.

“I—That’s so nice–” Kara begins, her eyes still dancing around hoping to catch a glimpse of Lena, “But really, I don’t…”

“Kara?”

Kara’s head snaps to attention at the sound, because the throaty voice cuts through every sense, every nerve, every pulse and wraps itself around her, pulling her away from reality. She knows that voice. She’s memorized that voice. It’s kind, but confident, yet at the same time, there’s the smallest hesitation, as if waiting for an invitation.

Somehow – and Kara still isn’t totally convinced it’s real – when Kara turns around, she’s hit by Lena’s intense green eyes that are suddenly peering at her in that certain way she has. The kind of way that somehow seems to smirk without any help from her lips. They’re the kind of eyes that invite you in immediately, and you have to accept, because how could you ever turn down a look like that?

“L-Lena? What are you doing here!” Kara yells, mostly out of surprise, but also out of genuine, unbridled panic. Her heart skips more beats than she’s sure is physically possible.

Lena Luthor. Here, in the flesh. And oh, Rao. She is certainly not all business. Kara gives a not-so-subtle once over, her eyes raking over a sleek form fitting dress with a plunging neckline, which Lena catches with a smirk.

“I suppose I could ask you the same,” Lena grins, winking, before looking between the two women as if sizing up the situation. She cocks an eyebrow and clenches her jaw briefly before speaking. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

Kara notices a look in Lena’s eye. It’s strangely territorial and almost – jealous? No, it can’t be. Jealous of what?

And yet…

“Oh, I– no. No you aren’t!” Kara insists, looking apologetically at the other woman. “She isn’t!” she explains to no one in particular, as if trying to defend her desire for Lena to stay with them when really she has no idea what she wants or what she’s doing.

Thankfully, Kara’s former companion, who still doesn’t have a name, takes the hint.

“I was actually just leaving,” she explains, gathering her drink and moving to make room for Lena. “Enjoy your night!” she offers, before departing, leaving Kara bewildered, but somehow relieved.

“Well, Ms. Danvers, I have to admit, you’re not quite who I expected to run into tonight…not that I’m complaining,” Lena slides into an empty booth and reaches her arm out to insist she’s serious, smiling genuinely at Kara as her fingers brush along her forearm, “Although, if I’m intruding, please, tell me…you seem to be quite a regular here.”

“A regular? Me? Pshh Lena–” Kara giggles nervously, painfully aware of how ridiculous she sounds, but also unable to form a coherent thought at the moment. She slides next to Lena, their thighs just barely touching, sending a shock through Kara’s system like she’s never experienced. For a second, she thinks she almost used a super power she didn’t know she had.

What is even happening to me?

“No? I suppose that’s presumptuous of me. I noticed you earlier, and was going to send over a drink, but realized I was beaten to the punch.” Lena sounds wickedly amused, if not slightly annoyed.

“No! No not at all! I’m– This is my first time here. I’m actually just with my sister and her girlfriend. They’re..somewhere…” Kara gestures, making a vague attempt to find them, but giving up midway through in order to focus back on Lena. Her skin is hot from where Lena’s fingers merely grazed, and she stares at her arm briefly before coming back to her senses. “How are you?”

Lena leans back casually, angling toward Kara with her arm gracefully draping over the back of the booth. She stirs her drink slowly, her fingers tangling elegantly over the red straw. She stares at Kara with gentle amusement, like she’s thinking about her favorite joke and is just on the verge of telling it. Her hair is pulled back, and even though Kara loves her hair down – yes, she’s thought about it once or twice – the smooth lines of her neck draw Kara’s eyes in immediately. She unconsciously licks her lips, as she tries hard to listen to Lena’s response, but instead, she just falls deeper into the trap of focusing on how perfect the black dress Lena is wearing fits around her body and the way her jawline seems to cut through the darkness with piercing perfection.

“Busy as always, no rest for the wicked I’m afraid. Though you haven’t been around conducting many interviews lately. I’m starting to think CatCo has lost interest in me.” Lena flashes a teasing look of hurt, before smiling.

“How could anyone lose interest in you?” Kara finds herself saying, before realizing exactly how it sounds. She clears her throat. “I mean, I– I think you’re more than just material for interviews.”

That isn’t much better, but Lena doesn’t seem to mind. She simply leans forward, her eyes never leaving Kara’s, her lips forming a pleased pout, and everything about it draws Kara in. She really wants to explain the real reason she’s at the bar tonight – licking her wounds from being fired – but she’s enjoying basking in Lena’s admiration for a few more brief moments.

They eventually settle into a more comfortable conversation once Kara slowly relaxes enough to ask Lena more about work, getting lost in the way her eyes light up with passion when discussing scientific concepts that are beyond anyone else’s ability to rationalize.

“I’m sorry – I don’t mean to bore you with all that,” Lena finishes, waving her hand as if to throw away her own words. “I’d much rather hear about you.”

“Oh, I’m not nearly as interesting. Your work is fascinating, Lena. Consider me very impressed.”

“Well, if I can impress Kara Danvers, it looks like there’s hope for me yet.” Lena teases, sipping the last of her drink with a satisfied smile.

“Sorry, were you here with someone? I don’t mean to keep you…” Kara explains, remembering for the first time that Lena wasn’t alone an hour ago. The thought makes her heart drop.

Lena shrugs it off casually. “My night has taken a pleasing turn. I’m fine if you are.”

“I’m fine as well,” Kara parrots, keeping up with Lena’s cool bravado, even though her heart is pounding out of her chest. The only way she’s able to mimic Lena’s calm exterior is because she hears the satisfying hum of a rushed heartbeat coming from next to her, and it gives her the satisfaction of knowing that Lena Luthor is just as nervous.

“Well, that’s almost good enough. Can I buy you another drink?” Lena asks, already signaling the waitress with a simple lift of her eyebrow and a small flick of her wrist. It’s smooth and controlled, and so elegantly poised, that Kara’s jaw hangs slightly in awe. “What’ll you have?”

Kara’s feeling bold, and she licks her lips in response. “Whatever you’re having.”

“Putting your fate in my hands? That’s awfully daring, Ms. Danvers.”

“I somehow trust your judgement, Ms. Luthor.”

The liquid goes smoothly down her throat, and immediately warms her insides, enough to catch up with the rest of her limbs. Her limbs that feel positively on fire every time Lena so much as looks at her. To be fair, the two have had lunch meetings, and a few short casual conversations, but this just feels different. Charged. Fueled with tension, but the kind that comes with other intentions. Kara isn’t sure if it’s Lena’s usual charm, or if there’s something more to it tonight, but whatever is happening, she’s sure about one thing: she doesn’t want it to stop.

“So tell me, Kara, what exactly are you looking for?” Lena casually leans her head against her hand, biting her lip at the suggestion.

“Oh, I’m not really–” Kara begins, stopping herself mid-sentence. She doesn’t want to deflect the weighted question, which tells her a lot about what she wants. More specifically, what she might want from Lena. Instead, she pivots her response. “I think…. I’ll know it when I find it.”

“Interesting. Well that’s usually how it works, isn’t it? The best things come when you least expect it.” Lena’s eyes catch the light just right, as she narrows her gaze to focus on Kara, her lips curled in a contemplative smirk.

“Or where you least expect it. I’m learning that.” Kara agrees, maintaining their eye contact, feeling the space between them growing hot and electric, vibrating with a pleasant intensity.

“Dance with me?” Lena asks suddenly, and it’s said in such a way that Kara thinks there might be more to it than just standing around swaying to music. Kara looks to the crowded dance floor, then back to Lena’s patient, sparkling eyes. She smiles and nods, taking Lena’s waiting hand.

Lena pulls her gently through the crowd, nestling them in their own space where they tuck into each other almost immediately in order to keep everyone else from crossing their paths. Lena��s arms drape around Kara’s neck easily, as if they always belonged there, and Kara reaches for Lena’s hips, emboldened by the way the darkness seems to hide all her inhibitions.

It brings her back to the first time she held Lena. Granted, it was as Supergirl, when circumstances forced them together and Kara had to pull her from danger. Lena fit perfectly in her arms then, too, but this is something else. This makes her limbs quiver and shake, and her entire body come alive, buzzing with adrenaline as if she’s under a permanent sun lamp.

The music pumps loudly, but Kara doesn’t hear it anymore, her focus shifting entirely to the way Lena’s hips rock against hers, and the way her warm breath cascades against her neck as she leans in desperately closer.

Kara’s hands roam across the smooth, soft skin of Lena’s exposed back, before wandering dangerously lower, testing how far she can get away with before being called out. Lena’s lips ghost from Kara’s ear, across her jaw, before hesitating right at the corner of her mouth. They lock eyes in a heated, silent exchange, before both leaning in, their lips coming together and finding a perfect rhythm within seconds.

Across the room, a five dollar bill is exchanged from one hand to the next. “I didn’t think she’d have the guts, but looks like your sister has more game than I thought.” Maggie nudges Alex, grinning from ear to ear.

“Okay, gross. Just for that you owe me double.” Alex shakes her head, laughing, wrapping her arm around Maggie’s waist.

Lena’s lips are soft, and hot, and Kara feels like she’s using every ounce of super strength just to keep upright while trying desperately for more, more, more. She’s hardly aware of the crowd anymore, she’s only conscious of Lena’s hands roaming along her back, and her teeth nipping at her lower lip, and the small grins in between kisses that make Kara’s entire body erupt. Her tongue slides slowly over Lena’s lips, eliciting a soft moan before she lets Kara deepen their kiss immediately.

Kara has no idea how long they stay like this, ensnared in each other, Lena’s hands weaving through her hair, Kara’s hands pulling tightly on Lena’s back to prevent any space from getting between them. Lena eventually pulls back softly, surveying Kara’s face for a reaction. Did I read this right? Her eyes seem to beg, and Kara can’t help but smile.

“What are you doing after this?” Kara blurts out nervously, her lips still tingling from Lena’s mouth on hers. She adjusts her glasses, but still forces herself to look into Lena’s eyes.

“Well, Kara, that depends,” Lena leans in close, her hot breath trailing over Kara’s neck and into her ear, causing her to shiver. “Is this off the record?”

“Of course” Kara breathes. Her knees are weak, and it’s a peculiar feeling, all things considered.

Lena seems satisfied with that answer, nodding quickly before folding her hand in to Kara’s, her fingers filling the empty gaps perfectly. “My place or yours?”

#supercorp #ficlet #oneshot #karlena #lena luthor #a little flirting and dancing #yummmmmm #ill post on ao3 later #fanfic #ao3feed

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icantstopanalyzingbts · 7 years

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Jungkook as an ISTP x Cognitive Functions

So, as BTS released MBTI test results with Festa 2017, I was going to go back on all of my analyses and re-think everything in order to make my impressions fit with what I was seeing. But then I realized they ranked the accuracy of their results, and that delighted me. Because oftentimes, the MBTI is taken in Korea in high school as a career aptitude test, which means the accuracy of the results is questionable. And, sometimes it is just really hard to get an accurate result taking MBTI tests, even if you try to answer the questions truthfully. Which is where cognitive functions come in (and, of course, exploring other type descriptions as well).

A lot of people who like MBTI don't know about cognitive functions, but they are basically what determines one's MBTI type. Here's a link to a good article about cognitive functions, which I will be using as a source for this post.

I'm a bit of a cognitive function rookie myself, so if I get something wrong please feel free to correct me. This series of posts will be based on cognitive functions. I might do some later posts just relating to their actual type descriptions. :)

I'm going to go with what most of the members said about their types; particularly, I think J-hope, Jin, and V seemed to feel that their types were quite accurate. Jimin seemed mostly satisfied, but I still think there is the possibility he is something else (but will comment later). HOWEVER, Rap Monster, Suga, and Jungkook's types need some more fleshing out. CLEARLY. And although Rap Monster gave his type 4 stars, that one 5th crying star was too much for my heart...I still think he's INFJ. So without further ado, let's talk about why Jungkook is not an INFP.

As an INFP, Jungkook's dominant function would be Fi. In a dominant position, Fi exhibits itself as a moral compass. An Fi user is highly preoccupied with how an action fits into their moral code, and will make decisions based on where that action finds itself in their sense of morality. My INFP brother has very strong feelings about his morals and judges everything by those morals. They don't have to match the system around him, but are instead his own unique set of ideals that influence all of his decisions. A caveat: Fi users usually know very well how they feel about something and are comfortable with theirs and others feelings.

His auxiliary function would be Ne. Ne is focused on the possibilities of a concept. Ne users will entertain all of the manifestations of an idea, no matter how crazy.

His tertiary function would be Si. Si is a nostalgic function. Si in the tertiary position is concerned with matching previous facts and experiences with current ones and making connections between those experiences. It manifests as nostalgia as well sometimes, or a longing for the past.

His weakest, inferior function, would be Te. Te is an executive, logical function. In its inferior position, Te manifests when the user is stressed out. And a stressed out, inferior Te looks like someone on a power trip. Lol, just kidding, but the frustrated Te user comes across as someone who cannot set in motion the plans they have, and feels inferior because of this. They fear others perceiving them as inferior, incompetent, or immature, and will lash out with "bossiness" and sensitivity to criticism of their decisions and executive abilities. *This is one reason why Rap Monster /could/ be an INFP, because he sometimes has these types of reactions to the other members when under pressure.

However, I don't believe Jungkook is INFP. My reasoning goes as such: we do not see Jungkook vocalizing his use of an internal, emotional, moral compass as an evaluation of his decisions. While he is often seen observing, his observations are made towards the physical that he is interacting with; he is intrigued by how things work. We don't see Jungkook getting nostalgic, either. Whether it is because he's so young, or because of his personality, he isn't often seen reflecting back on his earlier days like, say, Yoongi. Instead, Jungkook lives in the moment, a typical trait of SPs.

Finally, I refer to the "Hamburger Incident" and "Birthday Surprise" videos. Under both situations, Jungkook does not become aggressive. Instead, it feels more like taking pot-shots at a puppy...which is exactly what it is, based on his inferior function as an ISTP. He insists he brought hamburgers, he insists he didn't get the dance moves wrong, and then he retreats because he isn't able to insist on his point in the waves of his highly emotional response (which he is unable to control).

As an ISTP, Jungkook's dominant funnction would be Ti. In a dominant position, Ti presents itself as a fact-gathering, highly introverted function. Ti users can appear quiet and shy, and when presented with a new situation will sometimes hang back to take in all of the information they can about the situation before making an analysis of what they wish to do next. They are preoccupied with determining how all logical systems work and love to point out any inconsistencies in those systems. We can see Jungkook using his Ti in his cool, almost nonchalant reaction to most things occurring around him. He quietly takes in information and enjoys spotting the inconsistencies in others stories. He is assured of his assumptions regarding the world around him and this contributes to his "I got this" attitude in most situations which he can, or has already analyzed. Ti users tend to be independent thinkers who prefer making their own observations before determining whether or not something is as others say it is.

Auxiliary Se: Se is a physical function. Se in the auxiliary position is fascinated with the physical world and wishes to experience many enjoyable feelings, sensations, and emotions. They are preoccupied with the current moment and wish to live out as many exciting, exhilarating moments as possible. We can see this in Jungkook's affection for roller coasters, the banana boat ride, the paraglider, and just about anything that gets his adrenaline running. He is most at home in the moment. His introversion still rules, however; he cannot match up to Jimin's extroverted prowess on stage, despite his smooth dance moves in practice videos. His image leans toward the quiet, sexy one instead of the spotlight stealing heartbreaker. And he's comfortable with that.

As an ISTP, Jungkook's tertiary function would be Ni. Ni in the third position comes across as a kind of passion for perfectionism, which Jungkook shows us constantly. He is the golden maknae- he can do everything, and he prides himself in that. When his abilities are questioned, such as in the video where he is surprised for his birthday, he just works even harder, believing that there must be something wrong in his approach which can be improved upon. This is the essence of tertiary Ni. In fact, I think his second and third functions were easiest to pinpoint in this analysis. Lastly, an ISTP's inferior function is Fe. I'm going to quote the post above as I think they just nailed the inferior Fe description so well for this one: "As an inferior function, Fe originally manifests as the user being reluctant to dabble with or express emotional concerns, as the user cannot logically make sense of many of his or her own emotions and therefore doesn’t feel confident in moderating them. As Fe matures, its user will feel increasingly comfortable making and keeping emotional commitments to others, as they grow more confident in what is expected of them. The inferior-Fe monologue (prior to maturation): “Feelings make me freeze with anxiety because I don’t know how to moderate them. I am terrified of accidentally offending someone.” "

And this is Jungkook's feelings in a nutshell. His birthday surprise video sums it up well; although he is delighted to be surprised by the other members and staff, he is somewhat offended that his emotions were so easily toyed with. He doesn't enjoy showing emotional sides of himself, as he himself doesn't understand those emotions. He is also terrified of offending others as can be seen during the "Hamburger Incident". He becomes paralyzed by the fact that he might have unknowingly hurt or offended someone, all while being hurt and offended himself and perhaps not even realizing it. Others might assume that an ISTP is made of steel based on their cool, risk-taking, highly independent, sometimes impulsive personalities. But they are not. In more developed positions, Fe is the loving, people-pleasing, puppy-dog warmth of Jimin and J-hope. Those with inferior Fe can exhibit that too. But at Jungkook's age, they are usually terrified of showing that side of themselves, as they don't understand it. Though affectionate, Jungkook can come across as a bit cool and reserved to anyone other than his closest friends, which arguably are some of the other members of BTS. His moments of emotional breakdown are a result of either feeling comfortable showing those emotions in front of others, or being assaulted with a sudden onslaught of disapproval and criticism, which literally hits him in the feels. An Fi user, like an INFP, would be 1. more comfortable with this emotional response (instead of describing it as "annoying" as Jungkook did) and 2. would react rigidly to others criticism, perhaps even lashing out or becoming cynical. Jungkook simply collapses, and that's why I think he's an ISTP. A huge thanks to Heidi Priebe for her amazing article on cognitive functions, which introduced me to this lovely mess which is typing.

#bts #mbti #bts type analysis #bts mbti analysis #jungkook #jungkook mbti

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sanguinesprout · 7 years

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Uhhhhh... *derp* (More stuff about indecision, some talk about doctors and some blog changes)

Lately has been well... kinda okay but mostly meh. I’ve been flip flopping between feeling somewhat content with myself and a little motivated and feeling absolutely empty inside and distraught. It’s been almost two weeks since my last post here (actually a reblog lol) and I’ve really been wanting to write a post but I’m still stuck in the habit of putting it off until I know for sure what I want to write or have the privacy to do so. Or maybe it’s just me being a big scaredy cat again :< I think from now on I’ll try to just write as if I’m writing in a diary, so more spontaneous and with less worrying about structure/keeping to just one topic or whether someone reads it or not, as I’m doing this for myself and my benefit most.

Although I was dawdling I did however sort out quite a lot of stuff to do with the blog and some good stuff irl (which I’ll get to later or in another post). One of the main things to mention is that I switched this blog from my primary one to a side one, which does make more sense and makes me feel a bit more at ease which should make it a bit easier to write and post without the restraint I was feeling before. Whether to keep them linked or not idk, I feel uneasy about it but I don’t think it should matter, I mean it is still me on both blogs and everything. I just wanted to separate the huge blocks of serious emotional text from the random cutesy and silly stuff I also wanted to post, but I think I might still post mental health related things to my main one, just in the form of images and not essays like these lol.

Also I changed the urls from the hyphenated and maybe overly fancy termed things they were previously to more simple and cute ones. I still feel a lil iffy about them (like this blog url feels a bit ‘cold’ but looks pretty and flows well while my main one sounds more ‘warm’ but the world cuddly doesn’t flow well or look as nice lol) but whatever I’ll grow to like them or just change them again whenever, I spent way too much time agonising over them, it’s time to move on! I fixed up the about pages on both of them too, the links and tags pages are still empty for now, but I’m content enough with the way they are now to actually begin posting properly soon I hope. Oh and the current avatar/sidebar image is a really crappy drawing I made 2-3 years ago with a mouse when I was feeling down and was going to make and name this blog ‘rainysnail’ lol. I still might use that name/url someday for something though ^^

I searched for ‘extreme indecisiveness’ in google the other day because I was that frustrated with myself about well, being indecisive (and it was over the same lame url/blog stuff as before, not surprise surprise). I know there’s a lot of stigma around consulting ‘Dr.Google’ and self diagnosis being looked down on as it could prove to be more harmful in some cases and I won’t lie, I do get kinda hypochondriac-ish sometimes, but sometimes it can be very educational and helpful too. I just wanted to know if I was feeling something... something valid(?) or if I was just being an idiot.

I came across ‘Aboulomania’ on my indecisiveness search and wow, it sounds pretty similar to AVPD and my current feelings but the way it’s written is kinda heavier? (and hella typo-ey/engrish-y lol I just chose that one because it seemed to have the most info from the few I clicked on). Idk... it doesn’t seem to be as much of a known/legit thing so there doesn’t seem to be that many sources on it or at least any reputable ones (though I didn't look particularly hard or for a long time though but once you’re past page 2 on google everything is bleh anyways lol). Also on its definition here lol it talks about ‘analysis paralysis’ and that’s something I kinda knew of and struggle with already. I feel some resonance with this finding and feel a little more assured and saddened at the same time, but I’m not about to run around screaming I have this thing or anything. Maybe I’ll look into it more another time but right now I kinda don’t have the energy to .__.

Indecision is something that appears and could be caused by all sorts of disorders, even just depression alone or a whole mix of other things and factors. Many disorders overlap (like the stuff in cluster c which I feel are most relevant to me) and trying to pinpoint exact reasons and causes for things to do with mental health is near impossible, so I don’t wanna dwell on it. I have therapy soon so having a professional help work out things is a much better idea (unless they also consult Dr.Google like some of the stories I’ve read online lol).

I did see some snippets of advice on indecision on another page and it was basically to let go of the feeling to try and always be perfect/choose the definitive ‘right’ decision and to just trust your gut feelings instead of leaving yourself to stress over it. Yeah, it’s nothing new really and I have been trying to do this but sometimes it’s just so difficult with all these automatic negative feelings weighing my rationality down and sometimes I forget because it’s so hard wired into me to get anxious and over analytical. *Sigh* ...but if I keep reminding myself I think it will stick more in the end. I have already adopted the ‘it doesn’t hurt to try’, ‘just do it, ‘yolo’, ‘no1curr’ etc. kind of mindset/mantra when I get hesitant before doing something that I usually avoid lol, sometimes it fails but the times when I have been brave and not overthought or avoided I’ve felt kinda proud of myself and there were some positive-ish outcomes too. So I just need to continue and allow myself to grow stronger in mind and spirit (and hopefully body too).

In relation to what I said before about the whole ‘Dr.Google’ thing, I thought maybe take the time now to write about my experiences with doctors in general. Many times in the past and even now when I would be explaining my problem (whether physical or mental) to a doctor, they would just shake their head and scoff to them self or even outright laugh smugly and then dismiss it straight away (especially if I mentioned I read something on the internet). The feeling of being fobbed off and even ridiculed by someone that’s supposed to be helping didn’t fare well on my confidence at all and I feel it is a reason I wasn’t proactive in sorting out a lot of the problems I’m still dealing with and obviously I am regretful, maddened and saddened as many of them could have been avoided or alleviated better if they were dealt with sooner.

I’m not saying all doctors are like this, I think it was those particular doctors that were the problem and thank goodness I don’t have to choose to see them anymore (I hope). My current doctor (who I actually came across due to those mean doctors being unavailable one time) is worlds apart in the way he handles things. He is so kind and accommodating to start with, listens well to any concerns, addresses them with great care and reassurance and is very adept at scheduling appointments for further investigations. I feel he really goes above and beyond and has both a friendly and personal but professional demeanour. I mean he isn’t 100% godly perfect as there were times I felt a bit iffy with some of the explanations and prescriptions and sometimes things were delayed, but he does try hard to help and is not against reading information from the internet and in fact encourages it and utilises it himself (eg. printing a informational page on a certain health thing from a reliable health website).

When I presented some info and concerns relating to a health problem I was having investigated already but felt was going in the wrong direction (ie. going down the typical ‘fob you off with the most common explanation so you go away’ route) he explained that it’s the typical process to go for the most common things first when investigating and agreed another route of investigation would be beneficial, more relevant and time efficient so he arranged that too. This doctor is such an awesome and good natured person and I’m so grateful, but he may only be temporary at the place I go to however and it makes me sad to think I might end up with the mean kind again someday. But the lesson is to not settle on doctors that are not helpful or any other type of awful and that there are good people out there. Something that was really very prominent and touching about going to this doctor is that my mother and sister who go with me sometimes were also stunned by how nice and helpful he’s been.

I distinctly remember one of the first times I went to see him with my mum and at that point I had been ill for so long already and she was obviously very worried about me. At the end of the appointment he announced what he would recommend me for investigation and assured that he’d help me get better soon with a smile and then he pointed to my mum next to me who I wasn’t facing at the time and I can’t remember exactly what he said but it was something about my mum crying. When I turned to look, she was indeed crying and I couldn’t stop my own eyes from watering either. I have never ever EVER seen my mum cry before, so it shocked me a lot and made me emotional too. I mean my sister told me she did cry one time recently, but that was when she was so stressed and upset over a family matter on her side of the family :c It’s not like this is something on my bucket list or anything, because I would rather her never be upset or cry for a bad reason, but this showed how much she cares and worries for me and in this case she was crying because she was happy, relieved that she would possibly not have to see me suffer as much and was moved to tears.

Unfortunately the problems have still not been resolved or fully recognised yet, and recently one of the doctors recommended to help investigate fobbed me off and it feels bleh lol... no not lol... very un-lol :< But at least the investigation is still going further in some way I guess and I’ll take his words with a grain of salt, I’ve yet to see my regular doctor to discuss what happens next. I think I’ve just backed down and passively taken whatever explanations too much in the past with negative results or progress and Idk I have a hard time accepting things some doctors say nowadays, a lot of it seems contradictory, sometimes illogical or outdated, robotic, insincere etc.

When I’m reading what I’ve just written it keeps making me worried I’m a ass or have trust issues or something... :< I know doctors are meant to be serious and professional, but I can’t shake the feeling that some of them are not nice/unwilling to help as much as they could. I have had so many past experiences to do with being treated differently and being prejudiced against and it still happens today and not just to me but all of my family members, it’s tough and really upsetting... :c

It is true though, that you really have to push and persist if you want something done about a problem, and many times people are let go and misdiagnosed with stuff that ends up being something different or a lot more serious. I’m not saying whatever I have is ultra serious and I wouldn’t know anyways. I am clearly not dying, and I hope I’m not, but when I was without medication at the beginning I felt so bad and I was so scared of dying (even though usually idgaf thanks to depression etc.) I’m scared of being in pain and having to suffer both physically and mentally forever. I want to get better, become a stronger person. do the things that matter and well, in a nutshell live my life to the fullest.

Anyways, about the app with the normal doctor... I avoided phoning on a day I could’ve gotten a sooner appointment (my sister encouraged me to, but she was away that day and my mum said it was an inconvenient day to go, but it actually wasn’t really... I should I have pushed myself to go forward even so...) the appointment I do have is 2 weeks away from what it could’ve been. But I guess maybe someone else might have taken that appointment that needed it more urgently, or there might not have been any available that day anyways w/e. Avoidance playing up again... be more brave silly self!

I was planning to write some more happier stuff that’s been going but this post is already quite long so a separate post it is~ and I won’t keep putting it off! Tbh I’m only comfortable pulling up my blog and writing my feels whenever I am alone, so when my family are all at work, but this only occurs on random days and for such a short span of time. Or at least when I know they are all busy downstairs, I can try but I feel like I have to be extra alert and switch it away when they do come. I... ugh idk :c I don’t want to be secretive or feel guilty but I can’t help it, it’s just so hard and frustrating. I can’t even write what illnesses I was talking about earlier on (though I do hope to dedicate whole posts to writing about them later). I will improve and forgo this paranoid feeling someday though! Believe it! *cringe*

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