#It kind of stung | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hannahssimblr · 21 hours

Text

“What?”

“I said, you tore me out of this photo. I was there too,” I unpin it and hold it out to point to the crooked edge next to Jen where my eleven year old self once stood, tanned and grinning in red swimming shorts, “There, I was there.”

She looks at it, then me, but says nothing.

“You can still see my shoulder.”

“Yeah.”

“You tore me out of it.”

Again, nothing.

I let my arm drop, limply holding the photo between two fingers, speechless I just stare at her as though she might explain herself, give me some reason that makes sense, but she doesn’t, she just stands there chewing on her lip.

I tug my shoulders sharply toward my ears, “Why did you do that? That was a nice day. We went swimming in the sea, I rescued you from a jellyfish, remember? I grabbed a piece of driftwood and flung it out of the water for you.”

“Yeah,”

“And later your mam brought us back to my house and we had a water fight on the lawn and made ice cream and coke floats,” I hold the photo out to her in a last ditch appeal, “It was a great day.”

“Yeah it was nice, we had fun.” She won’t meet my eyes and looks everywhere but at me, like acknowledgement is unbearable.

“What, Michelle? I don’t get it. What did I do that was so horrible?”

She scoffs and turns away.

“C’mon, just tell me. I’ve had enough of all this bullshit between us, I’m serious. What is it?”

“Oh come on.”

“No, what?” I toss the photo onto her desk and approach her, my hand on her arm makes her flinch as I spin her to look at me, eyes livid, as I insist upon her, “What?”

“My God, you’re awful,” she hisses, “Why do you need to hear me saying it? Is it an ego thing? Is it because you’re all single and sad again?”

“What are you on about?”

“You already know what this is all about, it just gives you a thrill to bring it up.”

“No! I don’t know!”

“Oh cop on,” She slaps my hand off her, “That stuff with Holly, you just don’t remember? That’s convenient.”

“Holly?”

“Oh my God,” she tries to twist away from me but I stop her, “What did Holly say to you?”

Michelle glares right into my face with a fury that would make a lesser man cower, but I don’t budge. “Tell me!”

“That you don’t fancy me,” she grinds out, “and that I’m not even pretty.”

I hesitate.

She tosses her hand at me and hacks out a laugh, “See, you don’t even deny it.”

“Yeah, I was thirteen and stupid, she was jealous and I suppose I was just telling her what she wanted to hear. Shell!” she backs off and I follow, trying to insert myself into her eye line, “I didn’t mean it, she just didn’t get it, the way it wasn’t like that between us, but I don’t know why she told you that.”

“It’s because she knew I fancied you, and she thought it was funny how you didn’t fancy me back.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You didn’t, you fancied Holly.”

I sigh, “Holly was… everyone expected that of me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“She liked me, and she was the sort of girl that all the other boys talked about all the time, I felt like I should just go out with her because it’d be the most normal thing to do.”

“Oh my God, that’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, I know, but I was still a kid and, I don’t know, you, Jen and I had a good thing going, I just didn’t want to risk ruining it.”

“Well obviously you did, by saying I was ugly and throwing your birthday gifts back in my face.”

“I never said you were ugly, and the birthday gifts… she told me I couldn’t have them because they were from you, but I still liked them! Those pens were better than her gift, you know, I didn’t even like the movie she took me to see,” my attempt at a laugh sounds very weird and tight, “It was actually so shit.”

Michelle is unmoved, with her arms crossed over her chest she says, “You read what I said in the card and you still threw it away like it was nothing.”

“No, I didn’t- I skimmed- I barely read it.”

She reels back like I’ve spit in her face, “Is that supposed to be better?”

I don’t answer.

“‘Dear Jude,’” She recites, “‘Happy thirteenth birthday! I hope you have an amazing day! I just want to say that being your friend is the best! You’re so nice and funny and talented, I’m glad all of the time that you started going to our school because you make our friend group so much better. I hope you like the gel pens, I know you hate drawing with yellow colours because they don’t show up on the page, but I couldn’t exactly take it out of the packet or it would look pretty strange! Maybe you can use them to draw more comics. I look at the one you drew for me with the cowboy cats every day and it still makes me laugh. Is that weird? I hope not. Anyway, I hope you have an amazing birthday because you’re an amazing friend! xxx Michelle.’” She glares at me. The way she positively spat that message at me threw me off a bit, but the essence of it still comes across and makes my stomach sink with shame all of the same. It really was a nice card, and I wish for the millionth time in my seventeen-and-a-half years that I wasn’t such a fucking idiot.

“I remember the cowboy cat comic,” I mutter, “Do you still have it?”

It seems as though my stupidity is confounding her, “No, I fucked it into the bin. Obviously. I was heartbroken.”

“Heartbroken?” A bit dramatic, surely.

“Yeah. Holly and her friends bullied me for years, and you just went and abandoned me for them.”

“That’s not fair, I didn’t. You pushed me away, remember? You accused me of choosing them, I never chose them. You chose not to be my friend.”

“Yeah, I wonder why.”

“Why are you being like this?”

“Like what?”

“So stubborn. You can't let this go.”

“Uh! Yeah! Because it’s humiliating.”

“What is? That you fancied me?”

She brings her hands to her cheeks, burning not with rage, but embarrassment. She takes a shaky breath, “did you know?”

“About you-”

“Yes.”

I chew on my lip. Of course I did. It was written all over her, the way she was so eager to sit next to me in class or in the car, squeezing into the middle seat just so that her leg could rest against mine. How she jumped at the chance to help me out with something before anybody else could, her laugh, a little bit harder and longer than everyone else's when I told a joke, but not addressing it was always easier. Maybe I liked the attention a little bit, enjoyed being admired by a cute girl, or maybe it was easier, less disruptive than admitting my own uncomfortable, friendship-group-ruining feelings.

“No, I had no idea,” I say.

Her eyes are fixed upon the carpet between our feet as though by looking so intently at the looped fibres she can transport herself anywhere other than here with me and my interrogations.

“Hey, look at me.”

“No.”

I sigh, “Look, Michelle, I did think you were pretty. That’s why Holly was so jealous. Our friendship made her insecure, and she hated how much I liked hanging out with you. She could sense that I liked you.”

“Oh, come on, that’s the kind of thing you say to those stupid girls at school so that they’ll let you borrow their homework or something.”

“I really did!”

“You used to throw potato wedges at me outside the deli!”

“Yeah! That’s how you show a girl you fancy her when you’re twelve!”

Her laugh is humourless, “Please.”

“I’m telling you I did,” I take her wrist, with her pulse jumping under my fingers and hold her like that, for reasons I’m not sure of, perhaps just for connection. Close like this I can feel the heat of her body. I am desperate to show her how serious I am. “And if I wasn’t so stupid I might have done something about it.”

“Too late.”

“It’s not.”

I bend and kiss her before she can argue any more. Once, just once, but insistently, and I pull back hard with a smack expecting outrage on her face but I find only surprise, desire, and eyes that flick from my eyes to my mouth and back. I kiss her again, slow this time, deep, sure, as my hands hold her hips close to mine, willing for this kiss to wipe it all away, all of the years of hurt and anguish between us, and she lets me kiss her, and she kisses me back with hands that thread through my hair and lips that part so I can slide my tongue inside her mouth.

My knees knock against hers in our clumsy waltz towards her bed and we come down on it together, my body pressing against hers and my fingers finding the warm skin beneath her t-shirt. I draw back to look at her again, dark eyes and full lips and skin, as is mine, blushed amber with the first rays of dawn that stream through the window.

“Do you want to stop?” I say, and she shakes her head.

“No.”

And outside, as the sun creeps up over Clontarf, the branches of the cherry blossom trees hold their leafy arms up in surrender.

Beginning // Prev // Next

youtube

#lucky boy 2009 #last post!#omg!#SO EXCITED FOR 2010 YOU HAVE NO IDEA #anyway behind the scenes: originally Jude murdered the jellyfish in a very calculated and cold blooded way but I felt it was too harsh #even though it was based on something i directly witnessed on a beach when i was a kid #and i felt like the jellyfish kind of deserved it sorry #i got stung on my thigh when i was 9 and it sucked so bad #Youtube

20 notes · View notes

which-qsmp-egg-would · 1 month

Note

Which egg would catch bees to pet them?

24 notes · View notes

moongothic · 5 months

Note

Crocodile having such an explosive debut in his early 20s and such deep trust issues could also point to him having an even EARLIER start a la Shanks as an apprentice or something to an older pirate and their crew as a child/teenager — doubling down on the humiliation factor from facing off whitebeard as also a failure to “come of age” and broader sense of betrayal in watching eager encouragement fickly turn to “what did you THINK would happen”s like the kid who gets egged on by their peers into doing something dangerous and then immediately abandoned when they hurt themselves

Can't say if he did have like an early start for sure, since we really don't know anything about Crocodile's early childhood

But simply considdering how Oda typically layers backstories, I absolutely agree, I do think it's more than likely he has somekind of pre-Whitebeard trauma, be it either unrelated childhood trauma or early-pirating-life trauma (or something else)

Like the way Oda structures backstories, although we always remember like The Big Life-Changing Tragedy that happens at the end of the flashback, more often than not the flashback already begins with something horrible to indicate the character's already had a rough life

Robin was already alone, abused and rejected by most of Ohara even before the Buster Call Incident (followed by a life of running in fear for decades)

Franky had already been abandoned by his family before he lost Tom and got ran over by a train

Law had already lost his entire family before Doffy killed Rosi

Etc etc. Like not all the flashbacks are entirely like this, especially the East Blue-saga ones, but the backstories have been growing in complexity and structure, adding layers to the tragedies (like 🧅 onions 🧅) as the story has gone on

And with Kuma, his backstory doesn't end at two layers of tragedy. Like there's the early childhood tragedy of slavery, then there's the tragedy of losing his loved one in the most cruel, inhumane way possible, and we know there's at least one more gut-punch of a tragedy coming in the next two chapters to finish it all off

So with Crocodile especially I feel like... Like yes, possibly getting betrayed once in his life and having his dreams crushed by Whitebeard could break the man's psyche. But considdering just how seemingly broken his psyche might be, I do absolutely believe there's more layers here. Like his trust must've been broken more than once for him to end up the way he has.

Which alone gives Crocodad a bit more plausibility in my mind, because being rejected by the person you loved and trusted the most would most certainly break your heart (even if it was understandable why). And that really would make for a fine Final Nail on the Coffin for Crocodile's ability to have faith in others

But to really get that broken trust to be an on-going theme in his life that just happens again and again.... yeah it needs to start earlier

Personally, I think some kind of early childhood trauma would make the most sense, at least to me, not just because it could help Crocodile get started "on the wrong foot", but also because Rough Childhoods is just. A General Theme in One Piece lmao. Of course, it wouldn't be The Key Life-Changing Tragedy (I think Dragon would be that), just a "bad start"

#Moon posting #OP Meta #OP Spoilers #Sir Crocodile #Crocodad #Honestly this is kind of why I ended up becoming fond of the ''Croc is 1/4th merman'' idea #'Cause it really would like. Lay the basic groundwork for what's to come without it being like. IDK too much?#IDK I wrote a whole separate post about that not gonna go over the whole thing again #Other and one more plausible option was that he was just a really queer kid from the start and was bullied to hell and back for it #Dude just wanted to play pirates with the boys and kiss girls and everyone thought he was weird for it because he was a ''girl''#And somehow being called that stung but for reasons he couldn't understand (if Crocodad Real then he didn't Figure It Out until 27)#((Crocodile just seems bisexual as hell to me leave me be))#((I'm entitled to my unfounded bullshit headcanons until Oda gives us canon))#Alternatively if Crocodile WAS Xebec's kid then knowing his dad got ditched by Whitebeard and co would definitely leave An Impression #Especially if he ended up stranded and alone after God Valley #(...Unless... Whitebeard adopted him??? Which would be a very Whitebeard-y thing to do???????????)#((IDK I'm not into the Xebec theory)) ((It's plausible but it just doesn't spark joy for me))#((IDK I would prefer if he just kind of had a ''chill'' childhood kind of like the ASL bros had)) ((Just far lonelier))#((Especially since loneliness is such a key factor in so many characters and why they are the way they are))#((It's just that everyone else was able to find companionship somewhere eventually (be it thru Luffy or otherwise) but Croc didn't))#There's so many options and ideas on what could've happened we could stay here all day #Regardless of what it is- I'm sure Something Happened. Just gotta wait for Oda to tell us what #Asks

43 notes · View notes

stedebonnit · 8 months

Text

Actually thinking a little bit about how Angel Crowley was a little dismissive of Aziraphale when they met (not that I blame him, he had the stars to focus on), but in a way that sometimes makes me wonder if Aziraphale has always felt like he was beneath Crowley, and that's why he pushes that he's an angel still because he feels its the only area that he can compete with Crowley (because you know Heaven is all about ranking, its ingrained in him). So when he was offered to go to Heaven, to have Crowley at his side as his second, he felt...special? Like he was important, for once more important than anyone else, not only in Heaven, but with Crowley he finally had something that could help him feel competent, like he was capable, too.

I wonder if the rejection hurts even more because Aziraphale looked up to Crowley when he was an angel. I mean, you can't deny he was in awe, and maybe he's afraid that Crowley isn't so much against Heaven, but against being Aziraphale's number two.

Because Aziraphale is so used to seeing himself as unworthy, as lesser. And yes, this is so miminally important compared to the bulk of their miscommunication, but I just can't help but wonder if somewhere in the back of Aziraphale's mind, he's always seen himself as lesser compared to Crowley. Maybe that's why he constantly reminded Crowley that he was a demon, maybe that's why he told Crowley "you'd be my number 2", and maybe that's part of why it stung so hard when Crowley scoffed at the very idea of it.

#good omens #good omens meta #sort of #idk how deeply I believe this especially as a main motivator #but i was watching back that first scene and it just kind of struck me how in awe az was #and how uncaring crowley was #it just fascinates me to think that az still thinks of himself in terms of how his ranks compare to crowleys own #amd whether he thinks he's swung the support of someone so amazing only to be mediocre himself #so when metatron said he was important enough to take charge #he just felt so honoured and important #and he wanted to share that w crowley as a success. 'look we're finally on equal grounds!'#so the rejection stung that much more with the nagging thought that hes not special #and he cant do it without crowley #d speaks #mine

29 notes · View notes

writingfromruins · 1 year

Text

I thought I was over this, the grapple, the idea that my longest relationship will always be with my bookshelf, the way my hands will never write a love note that isn’t for literature. I thought the heartbreak couldn’t reach me anymore. It was a silly notion.

You can still fall in love with the concept of love in a thousand different ways and break your heart because of it, even after you discover that your heart doesn’t have room for romance, not in any of its chambers. Not even when the house you dream of doesn’t have any empty rooms in it, all filled with people that you love, just not like that. There’s still a way to feel the heartbreak even when you don’t ever want your heart to beat for anyone else.

I can’t see how I didn’t see this coming, honestly. I gave myself rings. Married the self to the identity and wove a silver feather around my ring finger, free as a bird and lighthearted enough to know it was empty. With a heart that light and hollow it was easy to give away, and I did, over and over, I did. I thought I was over this. I thought-

You’re enough. Down to the pit in your stomach, you’re enough. Down to the shell of a heart you dare to dream a home into, you’re enough. Keep saying it. You’re enough. Keep saying it. This can’t hurt forever.

NOT-WANTING // PD

#inkwell incarnate #poem #poetry #aromantic #asexual #acearo #was in a social scenario full of couples and aprtners and it kind of stung #room full of people with someone to hold onto #and me with empty hands #had to get it out somehow

55 notes · View notes

romanceyourdemons · 5 months

Text

call me luo binghe the way no one has ever chosen me (just got rejected by another job application)

#this one particularly stung bc they’d scheduled an interview for today #and this morning emailed to say actually we filled the position last night oopsies 😁#however. i did end up pulling myself out of my standard self-loathing spiral when i noticed some familiar verbiage in my negative self-talk #and was like ah shit i’m channeling binghe again #so that was kind of funny #ryddles

18 notes · View notes

true-blue-sonic · 11 months

Note

trying to sleep with a tiny mosquito buzzing in my ear and it got me wondering how silver would react to having to deal with that while living in the past. i don't really know if bugs would've survived enough to be a similar pain in the fiery hell timeline that silver's from, but if we assume that they aren't, then i can imagine him getting irritated REALLY fast... his ears are protrusions from his head so they're like an easy target and bugs are too small and fast to easily grab with his powers

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear; I hope you managed to get some sleep in!

I think some bug species like flies and parasites would have done relatively well in the ruined future: there weren't a lot of people, but those who lived in it didn't have access to any healthcare or means to deter those, so they could have thrived. Mosquitoes might have been less lucky, since they need ponds of water to deposit their eggs in iirc, and in a world where water is incredibly scarce and could have been regularly disturbed by people coming to whatever pools there were left to drink, they might not have done so well. So the horror of the mosquito might have not been inflicted on Silver there... until he comes to the past!

Assuming he is staying with the Chaotix, I can see Espio be very strict on bug screens and door-closing policies, but somehow the little beasties always manage to sneak through. Thus, at like 2 in the night Silver and Espio are awoken by this obnoxious bzzzz bzzzz in their ears, that somehow completely disappears the moment they both shoot awake. I can see Silver just being like "what the heck??" while Espio merely mutters a curse, and a prompt explanation of what mosquitoes are follows. After trying to fall asleep and getting bzz'd awake again they probably go on the hunt for it. Though, there is one thing Silver's powers might be useful at: they might not be able to easily catch the skeeter by themselves, but when it hid itself away on the ceiling it might just get nailed right between the eyes by a book flung up to it! But maybe not before poor Silver indeed got stung right on his ear. (And the whole house got woken up by the sound of stuff getting yote.) Good thing Espio is there to put on some Azaron and soothe it away, because I can easily see Silver just scratch the spot open by accident. But generally this is a poor first impression of mosquitoes for Silver, and I can see him not liking them very much if they actively go out to sting him and make him itch. But maybe he'll also appreciate how they go to dangerous territory to get blood to make their eggs? I can see him marvel at anything, so maybe mosquitoes are lucky.

#meanwhile I hate mosquitoes with a burning passion #wish I had PK so I could reach the ceilings better and KILL THEM MORE QUICKLY #silver the hedgehog #espio the chameleon #if Silver were alone I think it'd be kind of the same except he wouldn't know what a mosquito is #and if he gets stung without anyone explaining it all to him... poor boi

13 notes · View notes