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brrahbrrahcharacterimagines · 3 years

Text

Groceries (Might Guy x Reader)

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Might Guy x Reader

Word Count: 2723

Warnings: very minor angst, food mentions (TW for EDs)

A/N: Hope you enjoy! I've been so thirsty for Naruto characters recently it's not even funny

Also, this was originally two parts but I've combined them into one so let me know if the transition doesn't work!

Growing up in Konoha you always felt safe. You knew there were experienced shinobi there to protect you. As a little girl, you would see them walk down the streets and watch in awe as they passed by you.

Despite everything you had seen in terms of violence, you still felt safe in the Leaf Village. There had been some tense battles, but the leaf shinobi always prevailed.

It was a day more peaceful than most as you made your way down to the store. You only needed a few things, but with the nice weather you decided to take advantage of the day instead of waiting for the grocery list to get longer.

Smiling, you walked into the store to the tune of children laughing and birds chirping. It was like you were in a movie.

You made your way down the aisles, picking up the items you needed as you went. Milk, eggs, noodles, and more went into the small cart in your hands as you browsed. Lost in your own world, you didn't see the other cart as it came around the corner at the same time as your own.

The carts crashed into each other, you and the other person with them. It almost winded you, both from surprise and the force of falling into the cart.

"I am so sorry!" You explained, looking up to the man you found in front of you. Luckily, neither of your groceries seemed to have sustained much damage. You found yourself surprised to be met with the most gorgeous dark eyes you had ever seen.

"It's no problem!" Said the man, flashing you a confident smile with a thumbs up. "No damage done."

You felt a hot flush rise to your face, but thankfully the man didn't seem to notice.

"Thank you," you said in a fluster. You weren't sure what you were even thanking him for, not yelling at you? It was then that you took notice of his outfit, especially the band around his waist. "Are you a shinobi?"

The smile stayed ever-present on his face.

"Yes I am! A jonin of the Hidden Leaf Village!"

If you had just half the enthusiasm of this man, you think you would be running on empty in less than five minutes. Hearing he was a jonin, you were impressed.

"Well, thank you for all that you do," you offered, moving to continue your shopping.

Although your interaction was brief, you couldn't stop thinking about it as days passed. Something about his eyes, and his confidence, drew you into him. You tried to brush it off, seeing as it was such a simple interaction, but it was impossible. Even trying to tell yourself that he didn't remember you wouldn't work; there was still a part of your brain that would never quiet down.

You had never minded being a civilian in Konoha. Sure, when you were younger you had thought about being a konoichi, but those were just the thoughts of a child. You never pursued it. You were happy with your career, teaching young children in subjects other than jutsu.

Despite your happiness, you began to wish that you had gone to the academy. Then you would have been able to find the man who was plaguing your thoughts. Even after that, you might have been a real option for him. You knew shinobi tended to mostly be interested in other shinobi.

You didn't know why it upset you so much. You didn't even know the man's name, and yet you were sad that you might not be his type. Feeling a bit pathetic, you found yourself in need of another grocery run. Trying to ignore the thought that you might see him again, you made your way to the store.

Sadly, at least for that persistent, gremlin part of your brain, the trip was rather uneventful. At least, until you found yourself in front of the produce.

You were trying to eat healthier, but it was hard. It wasn't that you didn't like your body, you just wanted to feel better in your own skin. As you stood there pondering, a male voice scared you from your thoughts.

"Excuse me."

You turned, disappointed to see a man with silver spikes instead of the dark bowl cut you had hoped for. You mumbled a sorry, stepping out of his way.

"Careful Kakashi," boomed another voice, "I'd keep your distance from that woman's cart if I were you."

Now that is the voice you had been hoping for.

As you turned, the tall man immediately caught your eye. You blushed at his words, remembering your initial encounter. The other man, Kakashi, looked at you with confusion. He grabbed what he needed before walking away, leaving you and the other man alone.

"So what brings you back here?" He asked. Normally you would have thought of this as awkward conversation, but your heart leapt at the opportunity to talk to him again.

You sighed, "I'm trying to decide what I want. I wanted something healthy but I didn't want to just start grabbing vegetables."

"Then you're in luck," he grinned, "I'm somewhat of an expert. Try some blueberries, they're a superfood." He grabbed a package, placing them in his own cart. "They're on me today."

You tried to protest, but he wasn't having any of it. You made your way through checkout, paying the rest of your items before meeting back up with the man.

"Thank you," you told him, looking back up at his deep eyes. Pausing for a moment, you realized something. "I don't even know your name! How could I thank you for buying these before me without even learning your name?"

The man chuckled, extending his hand out to you.

"The name's Guy," he said loudly, shaking your hand. "Would it be crazy to ask for your name in return?"

You blushed as you grabbed his hand, his grip firm yet his hands soft.

"Y/n," you told him. He smiled.

"That's a beautiful name." His words did nothing to help calm the blush on your face. You were sure he knew exactly what he was doing to you based on the color of your cheeks alone. Suddenly Guy grew rather sheepish. "I know how this is going to sound, but would you want to come by my place sometime?"

Your eyes widened. After all this time wondering what this man was really like, he was just the type to invite you into bed with him immediately? Admittedly part of you was curious, but you weren't stupid.

"Excuse me?"

Now it was his turn to blush.

"Well I know how that sounds," Guy said quickly, trying to get his words out faster than he could think. "But I just meant to make you dinner. I could show you how to cook some vegetables so that they aren't all that bad."

Immediately you felt bad for assuming the worst, offering him a small smile.

"I would like that."

He smiled back at you. Guy gave you his address as the two of you decided on a time before parting ways. You couldn't help the giddy grin that covered your face as you walked home. Your date couldn't come fast enough.

---

In the days leading up to your date with Guy, it was all you could think about. You told yourself that was fine, since you were obsessing over him already. At least now you had a reason to.

The day was finally here, and as the hours ticked away you found yourself growing more nervous. Deciding what to wear was a challenge in itself. Did you want to try to dress up nicer, or would that be too much? Yet at the same time you worried dressing too casual would give him the idea that you weren't as interested as you were.

You tried on just about everything you owned, settling for a dress that made you feel pretty. It was fancy enough to make you feel like you were trying, but still casual enough that you would be comfortable.

You looked at the clock, seeing that you still had ample time before you needed to leave. Sitting down, your mind wandered. What would tonight be like?

in your mind you ran through a myriad of scenarios. If you didn't like the food he cooked, you would have to just stomach it and hope for the best. Based on what he told you at the store though, it seemed like he would know what he was doing. Still, you worried that something would go wrong.

Above all, there was a bigger question ringing out in your mind. Would he try to kiss you? And, would you want him to?

The seconds turned to minutes as you pondered, the minutes turning into hours until it was time to go. You collected your things, making sure to grab any and all essentials before you left. You had already told your friends who you would be with, going as far as to give them the address should anything go wrong. Guy seemed like such a nice guy, but you could never be too careful.

Locking the door to your apartment behind you, you set off. It was early in the evening, and the sun was just beginning to set in the sky. You were thankful you wouldn't have to walk in the dark. You knew there were plenty of shinobi around, hell, you were even meeting one right now. But even then you felt uncomfortable walking home alone at night, surrounded by darkness.

It was a shorter walk than you anticipated, and before you knew it you were at his place. Taking a deep breath, you reached up to knock on his door. It seemed like a nice enough part of town, and his place itself was well-kept especially considering how much time you were sure he spent on training.

You heard Guy's loud steps make their way to the doorway, pausing on the other side before the door swung open. His usual confident smile was on his face, but instead of moving his mouth into words he just looked at you. You felt yourself growing red under his gaze.

"Hello Guy," you said softly, looking up at him.

Guy had been making the same amount of preparations as you, if not even more. He planned the meal out carefully, even practicing it the night before to make sure it went well. He had spent more time than usual perfecting his hair, making sure not a single strand would be out of place. He had even thought of exactly what he wanted to say when he opened the door.

Hello Y/n, he would say as he smiled at you. You look more beautiful every time I see you.

Sure, it was more forward than he had been with you before. This was a date after all, and he wanted to make how he felt about you clear from the start.

That plan went right out the window when he saw you, your sundress captivating him. It looked so cute on you, and at the same time there was something about it that sent a wave of tingles between his legs. To put it simply, he was speechless.

He knew he should say something but he couldn't, enraptured by the way you looked in his doorway.

"Hello Guy," you said to him. That sweet voice of yours would drive him crazy someday, and he knew that. He loved hearing his name fall from your lips, hoping it would be far from the last time. Everything about you made him fall for you more.

Despite his thoughts about your voice, your words were enough to stir him to action himself.

"Hey," he said.

Really Guy? He thought to himself. You're the Blue Beast, a strong shinobi. And yet all you can say to a woman is 'hey'?

You giggled at him, and he felt a smile creep onto his face.

"It's good to see you again," he continued. He decided to dial back the forwardness, realizing he had already kept you waiting outside for too long in his daze. "Come on in."

You followed Guy into his home, taking in the delicious aroma filling the rooms.

"I don't know what you're making," you stated, "but it smells amazing."

Guy beamed with pride, ushering you over to the kitchen.

"It's my favorite." He told you. "A spicy, vegetable curry."

Thankfully, you didn't mind spicy. In fact, you enjoyed it. Your mouth watered, taking in the sight and smell of the food in front of you.

"Actually, it should be just about done." Said Guy, stirring it all for a final time before putting it onto beautiful dishes to serve.

He had already set the table, candles and all. He pulled the chair out for you, pushing you back in as if you weighed nothing. He sat across from you, and the way he smiled at you made you weak in the knees. It's a good thing you had already sat down.

You wasted no time, digging in. And it was delicious.

"Oh my god Guy," you said in near disbelief at how good it was. You could see his expression perk up. "This is amazing!"

"I'm glad you like it," he chuckles, eating his own.

The rest of the meal went off without a hitch. You talked about your job and his, bonding over your love for your respective students.

"Maybe sometime I can come watch one of your training sessions," you mentioned. "I would love to see you teach them."

Guy smiled, "I would love that." The sincerity in his tone took you by surprise. While you knew he was never joking with you, there was always some sort of bravado to his speech that now was missing.

You helped him clean up despite his protests. You told him that if he cooked, you would at least clean up. It was only fair, after all. You scrubbed the dishes, oblivious to the way Guy was looking at you.

He never would have admitted it to anyone but himself, but he was falling in love with you. He had no problem picturing a life with you. Coming up to you at the end of the day, sharing a meal together. He wanted everything that life would bring him.

"Well," you said, finishing up, "I should probably get going."

"Let me walk you," insisted Guy. "A lady such as yourself should never walk alone at night."

He offered his arm to you, and you accepted it with a shy smile. You could feel his prominent muscles under the fabric of his outfit, and you could feel your face growing warmer. You were thankful for the darkness for obscuring your face from him, hoping he couldn't tell.

He could tell.

As the two of you made your way back towards your own apartment he would flex his muscles every so often, loving the way your face would flush. A couple of times he timed it right so that you were speaking, making you stutter.

The walk ended much earlier than either of you would have liked it to. Suddenly your heart started racing. You could answer your questions from earlier clearly.

Would he try to kiss you?

You sure hoped so.

Would you want him to?

Definitely.

You paused in your doorway, letting go of Guy's arm. You looked up at him, flashing him a genuine smile.

"I had fun tonight."

He reciprocated your own expression with a smile of his own, "me too."

You both paused for what seemed like the longest second in the world. It was as if he was building up the courage to actually go through with what he wanted to. He cleared his throat.

"Y/n, may I kiss you?"

You nodded your head and he lowered his lips to yours slowly. As you pressed your own lips to his you couldn't help the gasp that escaped them.

That's a sound I'll keep replaying... thought Guy.

He pulled away sooner than you would have liked, but he was a gentleman.

"I'll see you soon." Guy ended his sentence with a wink, sauntering off as you went to go inside.

"I can't wait."

#guy x reader #guy sensei x reader #might guy x reader #might gai x reader #gai x reader #maito guy x reader #maito gai x reader #naruto x reader #naruto #naruto shippuden

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shu-sakamaki · 2 years

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I thought of a scenario that I wanted to share because it's so cute (a lil bit sad at the end but cute)

We know Shuu is precious with animals, probably with kids too but what about an old and lonely grandma. I've noticed in most of the mangas (during Shuu's chapter) that he tends to isolates himself and sometimes leave the manor to just chill in the city or lie in a bench where he can sleep. How about a grandma that often see him there and just assume that he's probably homeless and/or left an abusive family and starts talking to him. It starts off with "good evening young man" or "are you not cold in this weather, it is freezing" and one day she brings him a hand-knitted scarf and then she starts bringing him meals because she lives alone and she can finally eat with someone and Shuu...just goes along with it because it's not like he care but he slowly starts to like those moments with the old lady because she's really sweet. Shuu also doubt her kindness a lot because "what type of person would just help a stranger without wanting anything in return ?" And she answers by "I don't have much time left on this earth young man, I rather do something nice for someone than die alone in my flat." And Shuu would probably be surprised by it but will definitely starts to enjoy the lady's company as she sit next to him to talk about her dead husband, feeding the birds or just eating in silence. But one day, she stops coming. Shuu doesn't really understand but try to not worry too much because "he don't care", granny can do whatever she wants. What was one day turns into two then a week and then a month, Shuu is still sitting in the same spot and starts to feel...odd, where's granny at ? And as he's sitting here, an old lady come next to him but thats not the usual one, she smiles at him and basically said that she often walk in this park and was used to seeing him with the other old lady, she then proceed to tell him that,sadly, the old lady died alone in her apartment last month, the woman also tells him in which cemetery she's buried,right next to her husband, in case he want to visit her. (iwasfeelingemotionalgoodnightnow)

Time for humans, the life is ever flickering, isn't it...

[*Sits down facing the grave*]

... Are you finally happy you got to meet your husband, grandma...? The way you spoke of him, and how you called him your lilypad -, the one thing to keep floating above waters, no matter what; he kept you floating past all the pain in the world, right?

You know, I never felt a motherly love, and I never got to tell you who and what I really am, but even after so many lies... I'd like to ask you if you'd be okay if I were to introduce you to my own lilypad when I finally meet her... Introduce you to her as my granny... As the kind lady to always smile at me no matter what...

[*Watching the stone and reading her name over and over again*]

... No more lies, granny...

I'm... I'm older than you, older than your husband... I am probably older than your own grandparents. I'm a vampire and the heir of a mansion and a throne, and I hate this so much.

The memories you gave me as a common boy, the sweets you'd so stubbornly bring to me, all those are memories I'm holding with me... We had little to no time at all, but... I'm glad I was there for you -, even if I think your grandchildren should be the ones there for you; you said you didn't care back'em, told me you're fine and that "everyone has their own lives", Granny... I told you all the truth. Now, you tell me... Admit you missed'em, even when you forced a smile...

[*feels it has started to rain*] [*look up at the skies*]

... You're crying, Granny...?

[*small smile*]

I'm glad you can take it off of your chest... You see, here in the cemetery there is a small lake, and I see from here that the lilypads are still floating above your tears, grandma. Safely.

[*sigh*]

I'll be the lilypad for someone, keep their head floating above freezing waters, be there to support them through daring times, like how you told me your husband did for you...

[*lean my face against my hand, thoughtful*]

Thank you, grandma, for everything...

#Ask

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veenussposts · 4 years

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A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

At the beginning of your relationship, Gunhak was quite cautious around you and always asked you with a blush on his cheeks if he could take your hand or kiss your cheek. Now, his hand is always resting on your waist and he kisses you whenever he has a chance. But his most notable display of affection is when he bites your shoulders and cheeks.

B = Beginning (How would the relationship start?)

You were an actor and you were hired to act in Oneus' new music video. On the recording set, you met them and Gunhak couldn't take his eyes off you, but since he was very shy he didn't dare to speak to you until Dongju got tired of his behavior and pushed him with all his strength towards you, causing him to fall into your arms. From then on, your relationship slowly flowed into dating, and all thanks to Dongju.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Your cuddles are his weakness. If he could spend the rest of his days curled up in the comfort of your arms he would do it without thinking twice.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

After spending a lot of time with you and making sure you were the one, the idea of having a place to call home with you brought a beautiful sensation to his chest. Gunhak isn't very good at cooking, he can do basic things, but occasionally he likes to learn new recipes to surprise you. Regarding cleaning, each one of you has your tasks and he always tries to do his best for you and to keep the house in order.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He would break up with you only if you no longer feel the same for him as before or because he thinks you deserve someone better who can give you all the attention you deserve and that sometimes he can't give you. At the time of the confrontation, he would be the kindest and sweetest person with you since, although things can no longer continue, he really appreciates all the moments lived by your side and all the times you made him happy.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Putting a ring on your finger and calling you his husband is one of his greatest goals with you, but due to your jobs, he doesn't think his dream will be fulfilled in the near future. Because of this, Gunhak gave you a promise ring, promising you that at some point in your lives he would marry you.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He is the kindest person you have ever met in your life. He always speaks in his soft voice when both of you are sharing an intimate moment and his caresses are very delicate as if you were going to break at any moment. He is always there for you when you start having conflicting emotions, being the wall to lean on when you think you can no longer stand for yourself.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

His hands are most of the time on your waist or hips, and most of the time, he ends up hugging you. His hugs feel like being surrounded by a warm blanket on a winter day, like coming home after a tiring day or like sleeping in your freshly made bed after taking a calming shower. Their hugs are comfortable, relaxing, and full of love.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

The first time he said I love you was on the night of your first anniversary. You were lying on his bed, looking into each other's eyes as he caressed your cheek with his knuckles when the famous three words came out as a sweet symphony from his lips.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

It's very rare that Gunhak gets jealous, he really trusts you and that trust doesn't break easily, but like anyone, he has his moments. When he's jealous his answers are simple, his voice gets lower than normal and his eyes avoid yours because inside him he knows that you would never do something to hurt him and he feels ashamed of his behavior. But after a big talk, a million apologies, and a lot of kisses, Gunhak is your teddy bear again.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Lowkey loves to kiss you in general, the feeling of his lips against your skin is magnificent anywhere, but his favorite place to kiss you is the nape of your neck. The same is the other way around, he doesn't have a preferred place where you kiss him but if he had to choose a place it would be his nose, he can never help but blush and feel shy when you do it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

HE LOVES CHILDREN. Gunhak is a totally different person when he is around children, his eyes shine, his shyness increases and he gets excited just thinking he can play with them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Depends on the day. In times of work, when he prepares for a new album and you have a new series to record, you don't have much time to be in bed together but you always wake up an hour early so you can have breakfast together in peace. When you both don't have to work, it's almost impossible to get out of bed because Gunhak is hugging you like a koala.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

First, you cook dinner together and then eat it curled up on the sofa while watching a movie. However, the best part of the night is when, before bedtime, both of you take a bath together with music and talk about your day.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Little by little, once he already trusts you.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It's very difficult, really, get Gunhak angry. He may get a little upset with you for something but he's never gotten mad at you or has gotten to the point of yelling at you and never would.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

Gunhak remembers every detail of the things that are really important to you and those things that you really don't like, but the rest sometimes lingers for a while in his memory and then gets lost.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Your first time together. That moment after a long time, under the moonlight that filtered through the window, where you finally were one, was something that he will never be able to forget, he will never be able to forget the intimacy and love for the other that your bodies radiated that night.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

You are one of the most important people in his life so yes, he is very protective of you. He is always aware that nothing happens to you when you accompany him to public places with many people, that you eat all your meals, drink water, and rest your eight hours per day. Every time you make a dangerous scene and you don't have a double to do it for you, his heart is in his throat all the time. On the other hand, you are not as protective of him or at least you don't express it in words like Gunhak, but he loves the subtle way you do it such as putting yourself in front of him so that the sun doesn't bother him or when you put a blanket on him and take him to bed when he stays up late writing new songs.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Since not every day you have the opportunity to have a date, Gunhak does everything in his power to make each date unforgettable, he even asks his friends for help. But sometimes, as much as he does his best, things don't always go as expected. Once, a group of fans recognized you during a walk on the Han River, and, from one moment to the other, both of you were running to hide. Regard to gifts, he prefers to make them himself, such as writing a song for you rather than buying something, but if you stare at something in a store for a long time, Gunhak will consider it.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

For you, his worst habit is when he stays up all night composing songs. He tends to lose track of time and the things around him when he is doing what he loves so much, and sometimes that breaks your patience because he doesn't take proper care of himself. But with the passage of time, Gunhak has learned to control it and from time to time you accompany him.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks? Do your looks bother them?)

Looking good and being fit is a big part of his job as an Idol so most of the time he is surrounded by stylists and makeup artists who take care of his looks but, beyond that, when he's in your home Gunhak is... Gunhak. He wears a comfortable outfit (not too elegant and not too scruffy), sneakers, and just a bit of makeup.

Absolutely not, it doesn't bother him because you will always be perfect in his eyes. But, if he has to speak honestly, he loves when you take off all your makeup after a recording, showing your face as it is, and then putting on wide and comfortable clothes since it means that you trust him and you are not ashamed to show you how you really are around him.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Gunhak thinks that each person is complete by themselves and that he doesn't need anyone else to be wonderful, but that doesn't mean that he feels lonely and that he misses you every time you stay away from him for a long time. He knows that he can be complete and perfect without you but he prefers a thousand times more to be perfect with you by his side so you two can shine together (if that makes sense)

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Once, Gunhak and his groupmates were watching your last series called "Through time". And, at one point in the last chapter, when everyone thought you were going to have a nice and happy ending, your character passes away leaving an open and painful ending to the story. Everyone, absolutely all the members cried but Gunhak felt his heart break after seeing that scene. That same night, when the two of you met in the dorm, Gunhak didn't detach for a second from you and didn't stop saying how much he loved you.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

A partner who is rude to the people around them, even if they are not rude to him, is a big no for him. Kindness, humility, and respect are important to Gunhak and someone who doesn't have them is not a person with whom he would like to share his life.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs? Does it change around a partner?)

When he sleeps alone Gunhak has no specific habit, he only snores a little, but nothing out of the ordinary. When he's with you, he has the habit of tangling his legs with yours and resting his icy feet on yours.

#kpop x male reader #kpop #oneus x male reader #oneus leedo #oneus gunhak #oneus geonhak #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #oneus #oneus scenarios #oneus imagines

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vagabond-sol · 4 years

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Innocent or Guilty: Cazhim

Asked someone to marry you?

"Hah? A romantic are you? Well, No. I can't say that I have. My partner knows how I feel with or without a ring. Though If we ever retire...perhaps." Cazhim appears tickled by your question though his expression grows more thoughtful towards the end.

Kissed one of your friends?

"Yea. Several years back during the early years of my adventuring I had a different partner. A Miqo'te girl. After a while she said she wanted to sort some things out and being young and confused myself, I agreed. We got as far as a kiss but agreed that more wasn’t for us. We still talk but I'm pretty sure she's takin more of a liking to Viera women." Cazhim smiles and shakes his head. Clearly the two have quite a history.

Danced on a table in a bar or tavern?

"I prefer to watch the entertainment rather than be it. Besides those tables are for food not feet." Cazhim folds his arms as he gives his answer. Perhaps his meal has been the victim of a misplaced dance step or two? Might be best not to ask.

Ever told a lie?

"Of course. Though I find it easier to omit the truth rather than come up with a lie. Keep em’ guessing. That's fun for all involved." He said, leaning forward in his chair as a rather mischievous grin crept across his face.

Had feelings for someone you can't have?

Cazhim tilted his head in minor confusion "No. Though I don't get all that romantic easily anyway."

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?

"Oh! I suppose I was not clear earlier. Xavier is my partner in combat but we are dating as well. We have been together for some time now so I can safely say we are both guilty of that. Cazhim readily replies. His smile a touch warmer than before. He seems pleased to speak more about his partner.

Kissed a picture?

"I have. Sometimes our tasks or...circumstances can keep Xavier and I apart. It helps." Cazhim answers, looking down at his hands for a moment. Clearly these circumstances he mentioned were less than pleasant. Maybe another question to lighten the mood?

Slept until 5pm?

"Hah. Never. Need to make the most of the daylight while we can right? Besides, I need to be awake to put together a proper meal for a certain scholar when he overworks himself again." He responds with his usual simper and calm tone. His mood seems to have improved a touch.

Worked at a restaurant?

"Yea...once." He chuckled, internally deciding how much to explain. "Lets just say that Momodi is a very kind woman and was nice enough to let me pay a debt with work rather than gil."

Stolen Something?

As Cazhim takes a sip of the tea he prepared he simply points at the spherical Allagan droid floating by from time to time. "Does that count? I mean they weren't using it."

Been fired from a job?

"Nope. Though I'm sure I've gotten close once or twice at the Leatherworking Guild." He replies, looking off in to space as if remembering no small amount of close calls he may or may not have had.

Done something you regret?

"Just once and I intend to keep it that way." His gaze meets yours and lingers. You know better than to push for more details.

Laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose?

Cazhim almost chokes on the tea he was drinking at the time as he hears the question. "N-no. Don't worry about it."

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?

"I have but I don't think I get the appeal. Its much more fun to just eat a handful, right?" He replied, obviously looking for validation.

Sat on a roof top?

"Often! Though the climb is the more interesting part...most of the time. There's almost always a fantastic view at the top as well! I think I have a few sketched here..." Cazhim begins pulling out a journal filled with notes and half-decent sketches of various places he's been. He seems eager to share.

Kissed someone you shouldn't have?

"...I believe we've covered this territory, my friend." He gives a slight nod with his answer but nothing more.

Sang in the shower?

"More of the humming type myself." he says with a smirk on his face.

Been pushed into a body of water?

"Many have tried....Many have failed." He answers as he relaxes back into his chair. His grin grows wider as he remembers past conquests.

Shaved your head?

"Gods no! I don't even want to think about it." Cazhim quickly responds, briefly running a hand through his short but well kept hair.

Made a boyfriend / girlfriend cry?

"I hope not, but I imagine if I ever shave my head I just might. Bleh!" It is clear both this question and the last are incredibly displeasing to him. Perhaps a new topic?

Shot a gun?

"Oh ho yes! Let me show you something." Cazhim stands up and excitedly leads you to a side room filled with boxes of tools, raw materials and a desk cluttered with a variety of design documents. "I dabble in the Machinist trade. I much prefer spit balling designs with the Boss back at Skysteel but every experiment needs a test phase! You should stop by the factory. The Boss always likes seeing new faces."

Still loved someone you shouldn't?

"No, but I can't say I've loved that many people. Especially not romantically." He seems more caught up in reorganizing his workshop then this particular question.

Have a tattoo?

"Not my thing. Clashes with my scales. I've seen some pretty cool ones on the other monks around though. Maybe I could engrave my revolver with one..." His focus is barely there. Perhaps it would be best to relocate.

Liked someone, but will never tell?

"Eh, life's too short for that. Might as well take your shot while you can. Worry too much and you're likely to make yourself sick with regret" He replies over his shoulder as he leads you back to the living room.

Been too honest?

"Honesty has never been an issue. As I said omission is a powerful tool." His mischievous smile returns along with his focus on your questions.

Ruined a surprise?

"Can't say that I have, luckily."

Been told you were beautiful by someone who totally meant it?

"A few times. It's nice to hear...even if its almost always out of the blue nowadays. Xavier tends to do that." He says with a warm smile on his face.

Stalked someone?

"Eh yea actually. A friend of mine had a hunch about one of our clients. Thought they weren't giving us all of the details. She was most certainly right. Luckily we sorted everything out."

Thought about murder?

"I assume you're referring to something more scandalous than what goes on in battle. If so: No. I've kept very few loose ends that need that kind of...attention." His tone makes it clear he is not pleased by this sort of question.

How about mass murder?

Cazhim stares at you for a moment before replying "I see no circumstance where I would need to."

Cheated on someone.

"No" he says almost before you finish speaking. He quickly downs his tea before standing to make more.

Gotten so angry that you cried?

"Yes, my friends are talented, dedicated and not afraid to risk life and limb at the drop of a hat. However; that doesn't always mean things will go their way. Sometimes it gets the in trouble. The sort of trouble I can't pull them back from..." He says while prepping a kettle. He does not turn to face you but you can tell a bad memory is on his mind.

Tried to stay away from someone for their own good?

"No. Only for my own good. Briefly." He says before placing another cup before you. He does not seem inclined to elaborate.

Thoughts about suicide?

Cazhim simply begins sipping from his own cup. A moment passes before waving a dismissive hand in your direction. Your question goes unanswered.

Had a girlfriend or boyfriend?

Cazhim scoffs but not with ill intent. "How about I say this instead. Yes, Xavier is the only person I've ever dated. Everything before has been more...temporary."

Gotten totally drunk during a holiday?

"I'm not much of a drinker. A spiked lemonade or a sip of spiced wine at most but that's mostly just for others who may get the wrong impression if I don't eat or drink at all."

Whoa! Okay well that was loooong but fun! Helps me flesh out Caz's personality. I hope who ever decides to read this has fun and if you really like it then why not try it yourself? Thanks for tagging me: @windup-scholar Stop by their blog to see even better OC stuff. From Art to asks like this one. See ya.

#FFXIV rp #ffxiv #Cazhim Delrune #Cazhim #long ask #long read #oc #roleplay #oc asks #ffxiv shadowbringers #updated

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lexpistachio · 7 years

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Yo, your opinion doesn't bother me so much as I like debating? And like. I don't expect to change your opinion, just like you won't change mine, and you're totally within your right to not respond if you don't want to! I think with me, I don't see the issues presented as having disappeared? Like just because Jack has been doing well mentally doesn't mean his anxiety is totally gone. Bittys checking problem isn't gone, either, just because he's gotten better at handling them. 1/?

And maybe it’s because I went into CP knowing what to expect but like. I always thought the whole point of CP was “hey hockey’s cool but Fuck the NHLs homophobia and Fuck toxic masculinity. We don’t need it.” It should also be noted Ngozi did write something about homophobia/toxic masculinity in hockey. It was called Harvey, it was a screenplay she did for a class, and she wrote check please to be it’s counter. A Gay player with a toxic team vs an accepting one 2/2

Outsourced homophobia anyone?

Kidding aside, do you mean Hardy not Harvey, of which only the first 15 pages was shared? Firstly, I have read that and it features hypermasculinity and internalized homophobia but I didn’t see the toxic vs happy team comparison that you’re talking about. Maybe you have access to the complete script, maybe it’s really Harvey and you have, like, a different script altogether, I don’t know, and I honestly don’t care because that’s not what we’re discussing. We’re talking about CP as a body of work. You don’t tell each and every one of future buyers of the comics to, hey, read the script she wrote back in college, all the issues are there, this is the fluffy companion. We look into this particular piece as it is.

Going back, I don’t think you got the point of my answers to your previous asks: it’s not particularly the lack of homophobia that bothers us here. It’s not. It’s the erasure of this issues that were present at the beginning, which makes for an unsatisfying narrative. Homophobia and hypermasculinity in sports was real when Bitty was afraid to tell his dad, or his team, it might’ve been real when Jack OD’d, but now that they’ve come out (at Jack’s behest, may I add), it’s suddenly gone? Did the comics just present coming out as a cure to homophobia? That depiction makes my eye twitch, as a queer, but never mind that. Narratively speaking, it’s just unsatisfying, is all.

Allow me to be a little more pedantic here and talk a little about narratology. One of the most interesting explanations that I’ve read on why we read is by Peter Brooks, who said that we’re driven to read because of our drive to find meaningful, bounded, totalizing order to the chaos that is life, and if the natural state is quiescence, it is interrupted by dilations (through discursive manipulations), which are necessary also to give us a sense at the end that the narrative has reached a proper closure—that feeling of “ah yes, of course!” Basically, what he says is that in plotting, it’s necessary for loose ends to be tied for the purpose of reading to be fulfilled. How do we do that? He borrows from Freud and says that it’s through repetition of a past trauma. The goal is “to make an end to its reproductive insistence in the present, to lead the analysand to understanding that the past is indeed past, and then to incorporate this past, as past, within [the analysand’s] present, so that the life’s story can once again progress.”

It’s all fancy shmancy for: don’t leave your plot points behind because it’s fucking annoying.

That is to say, regarding your point that Jack’s anxiety or Bitty’s problem not disappearing, let me remind you that it’s fiction that we’re talking about here. They’re fictional characters. It’s like the metaphysical question about the tree in the forest: if homophobia and anxiety and checking problems (? what) exist out of frame and they aren’t manifesting in the comics itself, do they still exist? Maybe to your imagination, but more importantly, do they matter if these don’t affect the comics’ characterizations, the plot or the narrative at all? I don’t think so.

And the nature of oppression, or maybe any significant burdens for a long time at that–they tend to warp you, subconsciously, and it affects your attitude, your habits, your decision-making. A story: I grew up poor, and when I was growing up, my parents didn’t have money to spare me lunch money, so we have to eat every single food on our dining table because we can’t afford to get hungry outside. Years later, I had dinner with a colleague who was in charge of the tab that night. He noticed I was taking a long time in eating my food, and I was still trying to finish it even though some of our other friends had moved on to post-meal chatter. He said, “You don’t have to finish that, you know,” and it seems innocuous enough but I felt my cheeks flushing. I felt humiliated in that I recognized that I was still on that habit of voraciously eating everything in front of me if it was in abundance because I was afraid of being hungry. I realized I had certain behaviors affected by the oppression that I carried, even though some of them aren’t present anymore: I tend to hoard things, I stock food a lot. The oppressions I still carry, I can’t even begin to describe. My parents think mental health illnesses are weakness and laziness that I could snap out of any moment, so I try not to be a burden and would rather curl in by myself rather than seek help when I break down. Having grown up in a traditionally Christian environment, I can’t talk about my queerness to my family. I don’t even write about it in my journal in fear they will come to look at it and reject me (which, I know they will). I certainly don’t hold a person of the same-sex’s hand outside when on a walk or talk to a significant other in a public kitchen in a shared house where my peers will be able to walk on me anytime. Such is the nature of oppression: it incites fear and manifests in the littlest of ways.

Check Please used to be so relatable in that sense, but stopped being so. Now everything’s just smooth and shiny with no past traces of anything at all. I remember Jack being so relatable in the ways he felt closed off to people and I was so interested on how he manages it once he goes pro, but the lack of repetition of these themes just makes for (1) inconsistent characterization (2) unresolved issues and (3) a seeming lack of insight on the nature of oppression, or at the very least, poor plotting decisions. Not to go post hoc ergo propter hoc on this, but love/coming out -> issues missing/not discussed, ergo? Fallacious, but that seems to be a problematic portrayal if I do say so myself.

(and not to go ballistic, but really? the way to fuck NHL’s homophobia and toxic masculinity is to pretend they don’t exist? really, you’re affirming that?)

Anyway, as I’ve said before that it’s okay if you want fluff; personally, if I’d wanted fluff, I’d read a fic. Though, even then, I like a satisfying story, but that’s just me. This has been a long enough post just to tell a person I have no chance of convincing anyway, apparently. I’m busy and tired, yo, and just so you know, people in this fandom with unpopular opinions have been harassed and driven into deleting their accounts, you know? So if you want a proper debate that doesn’t put me on the defensive I’d be glad to entertain you over the little smiley chatbubble in the right hand corner of your dashboard, thanks.

#omgcheckplease #omgcp_critical #jack zimmermann #Anonymous

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eds-zebra-warrior · 3 years

Text

2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 9 Prompt: Inclusion)

Inclusion is a difficult topic for me as it's very difficult to feel included. This actually comes hand in hand with discrimination, segregation and inequality, especially being someone with EDS who can’t walk. When it comes to family, I can go into my own house and into my neighbor's house and that's about it. I grew up in the invisible illness community, eventually making me part of the rare disease community. As my symptoms progressed and I was paralyzed, becoming a permanent wheelchair user, then fell into the visible illness community. I will explain my lack of inclusion not only among the community, friends and family but also exclusion I face within the medical system and law enforcement.

I have been excluded by all outings and holidays by my extended family. My aunt likes to have holidays at her house and had a wheelchair ramp installed when her mom got older. Not long after the passing of my grandma, I was paralyzed, going into a chair. Being in a chair and my aunt knowing I cannot walk soon after removing the ramp from her house with little to no consideration of my needs so now when she has holiday dinners at her house I cannot go. I brought up the ramp once and she said “Well I didn't think about you” then later I realized how hurtful and mean what she said was so I sat down asking questions like “So you can't walk at all? “Have you ever tried to see if you can stand up?” “Well what about physical therapy?” “Well, I went to physical therapy when I had cancer and it helped a lot so I don't know why it didn't help you.” Which honestly was even more hurtful because I am not even a candidate for physical therapy after being paralyzed during physical therapy.

With cancer going rampant in my family somehow when family members ask about me and how I've been, they somehow seem to turn the conversation into cancer. “Trust me I know what pain is, I had cancer and if you ever get cancer you will learn what real pain feels like.” of from those older than me saying “You're too young for pain, Wait till you’re my age, then you’ll know what real pain is”, failing to even research EDS, Multiple Neuropathies, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome or any of my other conditions. The McGill Pain Scale has recently been challenged with a study done on a cohort of EDS patients. It was found that EDS is more painful than Complex Reginal Pain Syndrome which originally took the top place on the chart as the most painful condition with Cancer pain hitting around the mid range area of the scale. Some tend to downsize EDS and make it sound like I’m just a wimp for needing medication for my pain. I always hear things like “Me and my daughter were sick and we are both doing great now. Why aren't you getting better? Again, this relates my condition to cancer and other long term conditions that are a lot more common and have treatment and/or surgery that can put them into remission.

EDS has no remission. It doesn't magically go away. I have a gene mutation and as of now, you cannot repair a broken gene so this is forever. There is no remission but society is raised to believe cancer is the worst thing a person can ever go through and cancer is also one of those conditions where there are two outcomes. You go into remission and get better, living life normally or possibly on several meds to keep you functioning well, with the exception of younger children or some adults who have organ systems permanently damaged by chemo but even then they are much healthier and have a much more normal life than they did with active cancer. There's also the other side of the spectrum. You die. There are so many conditions that, depending on the type of cancer or hormonal mutations can easily be much worse than cancer leaving people much sicker than chemo patients but with no chance of remission. Imagine being on chemo for 50 years straight.

I have learned to hate the discussion of cancer when others compare pain and symptoms because many with chronic and/or rare diseases like Ehlers Danlos, Lupus, Muscular Sclerosis, Lateral Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteogenesis Imperfecta and many more are also very dangerous, have a lot of serious symptoms and comorbidities, risk the person's life and can very well cause more pain or more systemic symptoms than cancer. I am not saying cancer is not important, I am just saying people with these conditions are also compared with people who have cancer with most people who do this not knowing anything about our condition, just going off of the assumption that what we hear about most in the media, what has the most fundraisers and financial backing and what has the most attention has to be worse. Many more will get offended if you explain or give them information relating to the pain levels found in EDS mad that you would ever compare your own medical condition to cancer even after they just did the exact same thing by invalidating your pain and saying something like "If you think you're in pain now you should experience the pain that comes along with cancer. Now that's real pain" Its as if its okay for them to compare but not you making it automatically wrong for you to stick up for yourself when they try to invalidate your pain. The worst part is when they do this day in and day out without even noticing they are doing it. It gets exhausting and frustrating when someone is always trying to tell you why you are weak and spread the misconception that all cancer patients are much sicker than these other conditions, downgrading you. This leads to a lot of people giving unsolicited medical advice, telling you all the reasons why you aren't getting better knowing nothing about your condition so it really does go both ways and gets old to hear.

Another issue I had with inclusion was when my cousin got married. I have food allergies and couldn't eat anything they were serving. At the time I was a teenager and couldn't drive so my mom told my aunt she was going to go to Wendy's and get me a baked potato because I needed to take my medications and needed to take them with food. We were at the reception and next thing I knew my aunt was literally screaming at the top of her lungs at my mom about how she wishes my dad had never married her, she cant stand her and I’m a spoiled rotten little brat. My mom kept trying to get a word in telling her I have food allergies and can't eat what she has so it has nothing to do with being spoiled and it's not that I don't want what they are eating and honestly would probably rather have what they are eating but that I can’t because before my diagnosis gluten put me in multiple organ failure. My aunt was yelling about how she will not take my mom leaving and coming back and me eating Wendy's at their beautiful wedding and continued saying, if I’m hungry enough I will eat what they have and she needs to quit spoiling me and allowing me to have a different meal than everyone else was eating like I was a picky little kid instead of someone who if I ate what they were serving I can go into organ failure or anaphylactic shock. If she didn't think a Wendy's baked potato fit into her daughter's wedding décor scheme she would have really not been happy to have an emergency squad backed up to the door, a gurney and a bunch of paramedics so my mom, myself and my dad didn't understand why she was making such a big deal out of it. My dad then told my aunt we are going to leave and apologies to my cousin for leaving the reception early. After he did this my aunt started calling my mom and I derogatory terms still yelling while my mom was simply talking and trying to keep it quiet so it wouldn't be a big deal but she started calling me and my mom derogatory names and didn't talk to my mom for two years all over a baked potato and my food allergies.

Outside of the family also have little access to inclusion as I have not one friend with a wheelchair ramp or no steps going into their house so zero access to visiting friends as well as family. The lack of understanding crosses over to friends as well and I have lost most of them. I’m not the best when it comes to visiting friends as my health is so unpredictable and many people take this as me being flakey or not wanting to visit when most of them knew how timely and never canceled on them when I was healthier. I also had two friends who used me and manipulated the situation to make it sound as if I was the reason we never hang out. One of these people, she and her husband did a lot of traveling and it seemed like every time she was out of town she would contact me and ask if she and her husband could come visit me when they came back. I would agree and when she was back in town she would usually ignore my messages until a day or two before leaving again and say “I wish you would have said something sooner. We’re packing up now and about to leave to go to Florida now. They would leave and she would message me saying they were on a Disney cruise but when she comes back they wanted to visit me if I was up for it. Again she would either not tell me when she got home or I would message her that day or a day or two later telling her if they want to visit it's fine with no response and no response until right before they were about to leave again saying something like “Oh, well we're about to go to California. I wish you would have let me know sooner, not acknowledging the message was originally sent a week or two prior. When I finally asked if they really wanted to visit or not and what was going on, she then responded saying, well every time I ask if you want to hang out, you never do which was far from the truth since she would only talk about visiting when on vacation or while packing to leave the state again.

Another friend of mine since high school did something similar. She would call or text me and ask if I wanted to hang out the next day and of course sometimes I said no but a lot of the times I said sure because it was something low key like she would come over here to visit or just meet at the dog park or something. If I said yes she would say “I know you have good days and bad days and your health can change so if you are still up for it call me at 10:00 in the morning and let me know what you want to do. Well 10:00 am would come around and I would call her and say I was up for hanging out and she would say “well, I’m actually at my sister in laws now so can we do it another time” another time she would call and tell me if I’m up for it call her around noon and I would call her at 11:30 or so and tell her I’m up for it and she would say “Oh, well I didn't know if you would be up for it or not, I actually took my daughter to the park so we will have to get together another time.” Next time she would call me that morning and tell me she was going to be in my area and asked if I wanted to meet her for lunch. I would agree and she said she was going to take a nap and to call her at noon. I would call and she would say “Oh, well I’m at the mall with another friend, can we meet up another day”

Don't get me wrong, she was like this before I got sick and when we were kids where she would cancel a lot but when I got sick and she was calling me at least once a month to hang out and after two years went by and every single one she canceled out on me to hang out with another friend or go somewhere else and only two of those were because you had a doctor appointment or something and declined on your own there's a problem. I asked why she didn’t seem to want to hang out and she said “What's the point because every time I call you say you're not up for it. When I only said I wasn't up for it twice and she canceled more than 20 times in a row, having no problem telling me she was hanging out with a friend from work or someone else making plans to replace the plans she made with me so this is another struggle I have faced since getting sicker.

The people I used to think were my friends who obviously don't like me because I’m boring and can't go out and party, run around the mall for 8 hours or go to the fair and ride all the rides with them but now can only handle the low key stuff like lunch, going to watch a movie, stay here and play cards, go to one of those paint with a friend things or something low key like that and I know the fact is that they don't like these low key activities and think I’m boring to hang out with but don't want to tell me this and I truly believe they don't want to admit to themselves that they don't like me anymore since I’m now disabled so they try to push the blame on me and throw it into the pile of problems I already have lol so friendships just don't work out well for me either.

Now that we have covered inclusion with family and friends let's talk about the community. I have always said, even before I was disabled that the communities that face the most inequality and discrimination are the communities you never hear about when discrimination and inequality is brought up. The Deaf Community, the Disabled Community, the LGBTQ+ Community, the Rare Disease Community and the Invisible Illness Community are the communities who I believe have the most severe lack of inclusion, face the most discrimination, face the most prejudice, endure the most physical, verbal and emotional abuse and have the fewest rights many take for granted. Black Lives Matter has really made me realize how severe these disparities are. Being in a chair I can’t just go to a small town. If we are going on a trip to Cleveland Clinic or the University of Toledo and we are driving through a small town with a lot of small, mom and pop businesses I can't stop and shop at one of those stores. If I have to go to the bathroom they don't have a wheelchair ramp going into their building so not only can I not go into a single store but I am unwelcomed by the entire city.

With ADA being signed in 1990, 21 years later the Columbus Police Department says and I quote “ADA laws aren't real laws and shouldn't be treated as such. Our own police have left me outside on the second coldest day of the year in January when two cars parked illegally in front of both handicap curb cut ramps going down to a parking lot. Instead of enforcing these laws and punishing those who illegally parked in front of these ramps or taking the time to send an officer out to help get me and my chair off of the curb they told me it was my problem and though every building in the strip mall had closed down that it was my responsibility to sit out in the cold with pure autonomic failure and the inability maintain my body temperature indefinitely until someone came back for their car which resulted in me going into hypothermia.

With BLM coming to the surface the disabled are seen as weak and also are essentially the punishing back for the black community now just because we are seen as weak and easy targets to take their anger out on. I have been through the illegal parking issue time and time again. Another time a black man parked in front of the curb cut. My dad kindly asked him to move his vehicle and he told us we had to wait while he finished his conversation with his friend which took about 20 minutes. We were in a bad area of town and my dad and I were the minority so there wasn't much we could say or do or we would be seen as the ones who were racist. This 20 minutes was one of the scariest times of my life as a woman overheard my dad asking him if he would mind moving his vehicle so I could use the ramp. She came up to me and pointed to my dad who is a senior citizen, asking why he can't lift me up in my chair and off of the curb. This area was old and fan down so the sidewalks had been done multiple times so the curb was quite high. It was about 10 inches up from the parking lot so not a little bump I can just back off of and I was 112 lbs., sitting in a 39 lb. wheelchair with a 17 lb. service dog and I didn't understand what she was talking about because she couldn't possibly mean for him to lift all of that weight himself and put me onto the ground plus the wheels spin and even with the wheels locked the wheels will still move so you need two people to lift a person in a chair without flipping it. Anyhow, kind of confused I said “No, I don't think so”

She then went off yelling about how I'm an overly entitled white bitch who thinks she can get whatever I want handed to me on a golden platter. My family probably owned slaves and how I have a lot of nerve to ask a “N word” to move their car so I can use a ramp that belongs to the community and doesn't have my name on it. How he can park wherever he damn well pleases and white bitches like me need to be shot thanking we can get all our NEEDS met when we don't even know what needs are because they “N words” have had to go without their needs for 400 years now calling me multiple swear words and derogatory terms as well as saying multiple times that I need shot. After about 20 minutes of her in my face screaming at me during Covid and me saying please, I have a compromised immune system or I’m sorry, I just can't get to my car the guy finally said he would move his car for us to leave. It was terrifying but things like this happen all the time.

Another incident happened in Aldi near the beginning of the pandemic. The checkout line was massive and stretched ¾ way down the second isle. And there was one of those electric pallet jack things they use that can't be moved because you need a key to start them on the right side of the isle so no space to get through I just waited at the back of the line until it got past the pallet jack so I could get by which wasn't an issue because the line always moves really fast at Aldi and there were only two people with carts in line behind the pallet jack so I got in line behind the last woman in line and locked my breaks. I put my smaller service dog on my lap because the isle was really crowded and I didn't want her to get stepped on.

Next thing I knew there was a black woman coming around the corner yelling everybody move, get out of my way slamming her cart into the back of my nearly new $7000 wheelchair and $7000 smart drive so hard that she shoved me in my chair, with the wheels locked about two feet forward and my foot plate into the ankles of the woman in front of me and kept pushing her cart yelling at me to move. I was still shocked at what was happening so all I could do was say “I can’t” because of course the line ran beside the pallet jack which couldn't be moved so there was only about 4 inches between the edge of the fork of the pallet jack and everyone's cart. The woman let go of her cart and walked up to the side of my chair, grabbing my right side push rims and tires and yelled “I SAID MOVE!” and pulled up flipping me and my service dog out of my chair and onto the ground with my body hitting the shelf to my left and dragging a ton of baking products off the shelf and on top of us. A bunch of people turned around and gasped when she did this and the woman's teenage daughter embarrassingly yelled “MOM NO!” then ran up around her mom and flipped my chair upright.

I was sitting there on the ground so shocked I still didn't know if I was hurt being someone who is prone to dislocations, traumatic brain injuries and having multiple spinal cord manifestations. The woman's daughter was almost in tears from embarrassment and reached down to grab my arm to try to help get me back into my chair when her mom yelled at her to get over there The girl said “but mom” and she said “get your ass over here now” and turned around her cart to start to go around the next isle. The girl then let go of my arm, her eyes still all watery because she was about to cry, she mouthed to me “I’m sorry” and ran around to the other isle where her mom was. Of course I didn't blame her daughter. She tried to help and I felt bad for her too. She tried and proved she was different from her mom.

After they went down the other isle the woman in front of her and the woman in front of me started helping me. I was checking my service dog Maggie to make sure she wasn't hurt and she seemed fine, just had eyes as big as saucers like she was kind of in shock over the whole thing too. The lady in front of me picked Maggie up off of me and held her in one arm while both picked up all of the cake, brownie, cookie and powdered sugar laying on the floor and all over me and put it on the shelf. She then put Maggie down on the floor for a second while they both helped get me back into my chair and then the one in front of me picked Maggie up again and put her on my lap. The Lady in front of me pulled up her pants leg to look at the back of her ankle where my foot plate slammed into her and she was bleeding. I apologized and she laughed sarcastically and said “It's not your fault, trust me, you are not the one who should be apologizing for this.

The three of us started talking with the one in front of her talking about how disgusting it was that she did that to me when right then the woman who slammed the cart into the back of me came up the front of the isle yelling at everyone near the front of the line to get out of her way. She didn't physically assault any of them like she did me but she was yelling at everyone to get out of her way, shoving her way between carts to try to get things off of the shelf and throwing it into her cart. There were only two employees working that day, one ringing people up and one trying to stock all of the shelves that were being picked through faster than she could stock so I can't blame the employees either because they were grossly understaffed.

I have had so many experiences like this since Black Lives Matter took off, a lab core worker talking bad about me because I showed up without an appointment when their door and website says “Walk ins welcome” and I tried to make an appointment but the captcha was down on their website so I wasn't able to confirm that I wasn’t a robot in order to submit my appointment and purposely showed up at 11:30 am because you could see already claimed appointments and 11:00, 11:30, and 12:00 were all open appointments. To make things better, My doctor had already sent the request and I scanned it into the tablet they had there as well as scanning in pictures of my license and insurance so everything was filled out and all I needed was to pick up two plastic, half gallon jugs for a 24 hour urine test.

She was in the back calling me similar names to what the woman did at the eye center when the guy was illegally parked, bringing up slavery and how my grandparents may have been able to get away with whipping “N words” to get them to do what they wanted but I can’t, how inconsiderate I was for walking in and who did I think I was thinking I can just walk in all unannounced without an appointment. She said “I ought to slap that bitch! Girl, you gonna have to hold me back before I slap that bitch” talking to the other phlebotomist. I could hear everything she was saying after she closed the door and she went on and on, came out and asked for my paperwork so she could put it in the system, ripping it out of my hand, kept going on and on saying nasty things about me then finally came back out and nicely said “Oh, I didn't know you already put all of this in the system for me. So you’re just here to pick up the jug?” I said “Yeah, I've done one of these before so I don't need any instructions or anything, just the jugs. She went back and still talking nasty about me came back a minute later with the jugs and said nicely have a nice day but still her body language wasn't nice and you could tell her friendly voice was sarcastic.

That's when I decided to stick up for myself and stopped her before she closed the door again and said, “Did you know your walls aren’t sound proof? I heard every word you said about me while I was back there and just so you know, I tried to make an appointment before I came here. The captcha is down on your website; you know, the little thing you have to click online to prove you’re not a robot? It wasn't working so I couldn't click it to submit my appointment request but it said online and on your door that walk-ins are welcome. I saw you had empty appointments from 11-12. I didn't know if anyone else would be here since the site was down but that's why I chose to come now because I didn't think you would be busy because of Covid and all but I did try to make an appointment. Her facial dropped.

She then started kissing up to me saying “Oh sweetie, you are totally fine, that's what we're here for, come anytime you need to, she walked over to the double doors and opened the first one saying “Let me get that door for you sweetie.” pointed to the floor and said “Do you see that spot right there with no carpet? There used to be a big lip in the door right here and I personally had it removed just for people like you who are in wheelchairs so your wheels won't get stuck on it. Would you like me to get the other door for you?” I said “No, that's okay, It’s not that heavy, I’ve got it” she then said “No, no, no, I insist. I’ll hold it open for you, I’m here to serve you. She then followed me outside where my dad was parked which was awkward and said “would you like me to help you into your car?”

These are the more major examples but I’ve had more minor interactions too such as trying to buy vinyl for my Cricut maker from a black small business owner to be told “Sorry, I only buy from and sell to black people” I had a dental appointment and Medicare and Medicaid is a death sentence for those with rare diseases with only two dentists that took my insurance within a 30 mile radius. I settled for Refresh Dental in Hebron, Ohio which was quite a drive but none that took my insurance were close so I made an appointment. When I called I asked if they were ADA accessible because I’m a wheelchair user and the receptionist said yes. I then asked about Covid and the precautions they take because I’m immunocompromised. She said they are very careful, told me they wear full PPE, mask, face shield, smocks, they have updated their HVAC system and are really clean. She said none of their staff had contracted Covid so I made an appointment.

When we got there we parked at a building that looked like it was about to fall in. Termites had eaten all the way through the window ledge, and you could see the studs behind it. When I went up to the door I was relieved to see a sign saying to go to the white building behind that one, surrounded by a bunch of orange stickers which looked like condemned stickers. Their driveway was gravel and anyone who is in a chair knows, a gravel driveway isn't easy to roll on at all so though it was cold outside I was getting myself into a sweat going back to the building behind it. The first thing I saw was a staircase with about 9 steps up into the building and I was thinking uh oh. I hope they have another door. I went around the building and found another door and this one had two steps into it. It was a door with a step into it, you walked about 5 steps and stepped up another step into a second door. I called the office and no one answered.

I then called my mom who was in the car by the first building and asked her to come over there. She saw the steps and said “You’ve got to be kidding me” and went into the building to talk to them and then came back out and told me what they said. She asked the receptionist if they had a ramp or another way into the building for people in a wheelchair. The receptionist pointed to the door that my mom just came in and said “That's the door our disabled patients use” My mom told her I’m in a wheelchair and called ahead of time and was told they are ADA accessible and the receptionist said “We are ADA accessible.” My mom followed up saying “Then how can someone in a wheelchair get in here? The receptionist said “Can't she just walk in here?” My mom said “No, she’s paralyzed” The receptionist then said “Well we have other patients in wheelchairs and they just leave their wheelchair outside and walk in here. It's only two steps.” My mom then said “So, we just drove 40 minutes here and you’re not ADA accessible?” The receptionist said “Yes, we are” my mom said “but you don't have a ramp?” She said “When your daughter called she asked if we are ADA accessible. We’re ADA accessible, not wheelchair accessible.” My mom said “First of all wheelchair accessibility is part of being ADA Accessible, you don't have wheelchair access you are not ADA Accessible and second of all, she told you she was a wheelchair user so I don't know what else you could have thought she meant by ADA accessible. The receptionist said she had to go speak to another staff member. She then told my mom to have me go back up to the front building and they would bring supplies from this building and meet me over there to see me.

We went back to the first building and I had been sitting out in the cold all this time. We sat outside the building for 20 minutes waiting for someone to come unlock it. I then called their office and this time someone answered and I said “I’m really sorry for bothering you but will it be a while before anyone gets over here? The reason I’m asking is because I have Autonomic Dysfunction so cant maintain my body heat well and was wondering if it was okay if we go back out and sit in the car until someone is ready for us” She said “stay there, she should be there right now” I said okay and waited, finally about 5 minutes later someone came to the door and opened it. The concrete wheelchair ramp was so old that it had sunk about two inches into the ground so I still had to pop a wheelie and push on my wheels while my mom pushed the back of my chair to get up into the door.

When we got in there it was filthy, every surface was covered in dust, dirt, wood chips and dead bugs. It smelled like the moldy basement of my sisters 1890 house. It was so dirty that I put my service dog in my lab because I didn’t want her to sit on the floor. I could see a trail from my wheels and my mom's footprints in the coat of dirt on the floor. The receptionist brought out paperwork for me to fill out and while I did she and the hygienist were flipping breakers to turn on electricity to one of the rooms and were bringing over a laptop, air purifier and some dental tools. I could see them in the room. The hygienist took a dry paper towel and brushed the dirt off of the chair and edge of the countertop onto the floor, not using any chemicals or even moisture to clean anything. The dirt started floating around in the air which was when they brought in the air purifier to suck some of it up. She sat the dental tools straight onto the counter she had simply brushed the dirt and dead bugs off of. I watched them do all of this while I filled out my paperwork and sat in my chair waiting for my appointment. They eventually called me back, now well over an hour after my appointment time. I gave my service dog to my mom because they had to do x rays and went back.

I got in the dirty chair and the hygienist only had a mask on and nothing else. She wheeled in an old x ray machine that looked like it was jimmy rigged to a sawed off IV pole. She put the bite wings in my mouth and tried to take the image and nothing happened. She yelled at the receptionist to hit another breaker and took the first image of the tooth that was bothering me. She then pulled the bite wings out of my mouth and that's when I noticed that they were reusable bite wings and having a lot of medical knowledge I knew those cannot go into an autoclave and was horrified when I saw that they didn’t have the clear sanitary cover bags on them to prevent the spread of disease but at this point I had already had them in my mouth and the damage was done. Having no clue if I had just essentially French kissed a Covid patient while being immunocompromised myself and having a condition that so far no one with it who has contracted Covid has survived it was too late so I didn't say anything. She put it back in my mouth for another image. Once she was done she grabbed a camera made for taking pictures of the inside of the mouth. It also had no sanitary covering on it and she took pictures of my teeth and said we have to wait for the dentist to come over.

I looked around the room while waiting and it was totally empty except for the chair I was sitting in. There were no pictures on the wall, no curtains, no TV, no pedestal where the little sink you can spit in usually is and where the cleaning tools and suction hook up, no chest of drawers with toothpaste or other supplies. They didn't even have any light in the room, just a light fixture with wires hanging out of it. Just a very thick coat of dirt, dust and dead bugs everywhere and a window letting light in. When I looked at the window I noticed there was light coming in around the window where termites had eaten holes all the way through the wall around the window casing. There were brown streaks running down the wall where water had come in the holes which I was assuming explained the moldy smell because if there was water getting all the way inside through the swiss cheese termite walls then there is probably a ton of water and mold behind the walls. I I continued scanning the room while talking to the hygienist about my dry mouth and she told me she was going to give me some jell to trial for dry mouth. Soon after, the dentist came in and was very cold. He said nothing to me at all but said to the hygienist “Cavity on 15 and 16” and left totally ignoring me when I said hi. The hygienist told me to go to the front where the receptionist was to schedule a filling and a second appointment for a comprehensive dental since they refused to do them the same day or do the imaging of my whole mouth when doing the images of the one tooth.

the receptionist had brought over a laptop of her own and tried to schedule my filling for two days after I got the second Covid vaccine and I told her I didn't think that would work because I would get the vaccine less than 48 hours prior to the appointment and I didn't know if it would make me sick or how long your sick for when you get it but I know my nurse didn't feel well for about a week after hers. The receptionists said “You’ll be fine” and scheduled it anyhow making sure to tell me about their cancellation policy and fine which she should know with the vaccine I wouldn't know how it effected me until the cancellation policy had passed. She then went on to tell me that she cant get it because she has a heart problem. I told her I couldn't either at first either but not because of my heart problems but because I'm a high anaphylaxis risk but my doctor came up with a concoction of meds that we can take starting two days before the vaccine, the day of and three days after that has shown to prevent full blown anaphylactic shock in most of us. She said we would have some kind of allergic reaction and still can go into anaphylactic shock but it will reduce the chances so hopefully the allergic reaction is tolerable and we won't need to go to the hospital. So I went that route and got the vaccine at a place close to the hospital. I then said, It's too bad that more healthy people don't consider people who literally can't get a vaccine or are immunocompromised and won't get the full benefit, or any benefit at all from the vaccine before they refuse to get it. She said Actually, I can get it, I just dont think I should get it. My dad got it and my sister and I tried to tell him not to get it but he didn't listen to us and got it anyway but I guess when you're old or sick like you guys are and are going to die sooner than later anyhow you don't really have much to lose.”

I felt like she was throwing me in the grave. She then said “you know that they chop up aborted babies and put them into the vaccine right? I said “Nahh.. that's just a rumor that went viral on Facebook that was originally created by some college freshmen. There's no fetal tissue at all in the vaccine. Where the fetal tissue comes from was in the 70s and 80s two women voluntarily donated their aborted fetuses to science. No other fetuses have been used since then because they have replicated the cells over and over again. Think of cloning. They do this so they won’t need any more fetal cells. The replicated cells aren't used in the vaccine, they are used in the early states of testing potential vaccines before they even start conducting studies on animals and after the hypothesizing stage to see how human and living cells respond to benign injected with the possible vaccine to ensure it doesn't harm the cells and does what its supposed to, which not only saves money because the cells can be replicated over and over again but it also helps save animals because its a way to test the vaccine before moving on to testing on them. Of course a lot more can be found on living animals than just in cells so things can still go wrong in the animal phases but there is no aborted fetus at all in the vaccine, it's simply used as a cell to test the vaccine on.” She said Well I’m a nurse too, not just a receptionist so I would know.

I then thought this would be the perfect opportunity to change the subject and said “Oh, really, I am too. I graduated from Columbus State, where did you go to school?” She changed the subject back saying, I know a lot of nurses and none of them have gotten the vaccine. Only a few people here have gotten vaccinated and this place has been riddled with Covid. Almost all of the ladies have had it at least once and they all are okay now. How many people do you know who have gotten vaccinated? I said “When I called to make this appointment I asked about Covid because of being immunocompromised and the person I spoke to told me no one had gotten it. Why would they lie to me? She said “I don't know who you spoke with but that's not true. This place has been riddled with it” At this point I was letting what she said simmer a bit and sink in, honestly not happy at all that they had lied to me more than once at this point and about very important issues.

She then went back asking me how many nurses I knew who had gotten vaccinated. I said all of them and not even just people I graduated with my home health infusion nurse got hers but she ended up getting Covid too. Idk if you saw on the news about the senior husband and wife that got Covid and the nurse arranged for them to be put in a room together and they died within minutes of each other? Well the nurse who set that up, her name is Mariah and I went to high school with her. Just a fun fact I guess.” She said “Well did she get vaccinated? I said “yeah and right then the hygienist came back with the dry mouth gel so I cut the conversation off and said I needed to go because my mom was out in the car. I couldn’t believe they had a halfway decent office for their able bodied patient but put their patients in chairs into a filthy, condemned building that is moldy and about to fall in from termite damage. If that's not discrimination, I don't know what is. and to top things off, I put the dry mouth jell into my mouth and it tasted awful. I looked at the expiration date and they had just given me and it had expired over a year prior. I saw another dentist and also found out that I never had a cavity at all and my wisdom tooth was coming in.

I do not feel included when it comes to my extended family, friends, community or country. Most things labeled handicap accessible aren't including the Franklin County Social Security Office which slaps a handicap sign on their bathroom stall which the door is so narrow that my tiny wheelchair for my 112 lb. self rubbed the edges of the door trying to get into it, not meeting the 32” door clearance standards listed in the ADA laws nor did it meet the minimum 5’x5’ size limit in order to be ADA accessible so most people in chairs cant use it at all and even those with tiny wheelchairs like mine cannot get their char in far enough to close the door so are forced to use the bathroom with the door open, on their period while people walk past and see everything. It’s disgusting that we live in a society where people in wheelchairs, even if they can hold their bladders are forced to wear adult diapers or map out every public facility, only going to ones they know are accessible enough because here in the US we are so welcomed and marginalized that we don't even have access to about half of the businesses in the US let alone a bathroom that everyone else in the world who is not a wheelchair user takes for granted and when we are lucky enough to find a palace that has a toilet we can use, it's always the filthiest ones, the ones that able bodied people use as their private pooping palace believing that just because it’s two or three feet wider that extra three feet will make their fart inaudible.

This is a country where an able bodied person can buy a new car for $16,000 and a used one for sometimes less than 2 grand but if you’re disabled your new accessible vehicle costs around $75,000, a used… well many states you can’t insure a van that is more than 5 years old and cannot convert one more than 4 years old and it has to be less than $50,000 miles and fit a bunch of other criteria so used isn't much less. We live in a country where you are not allowed to pay an able bodied worker less than minimum wage yet SSDI comes out to $2.60 less than minimum wage and employers are allowed to pay disabled workers less than minimum wage. We live in a country where ADA laws were passed but police officers don't have to enforce any of these laws. Here in the US they have schools for girls only, boys only, black only, deaf and blind but no special schools for children with physical or developmental disabilities, just life skills training for adults so education is still not equal. A country where if the Black or Asian Americans are brutalized by the police or community members and it is broadcasted on the news even though more than 70 percent of police brutalities in fact occur to those who have physical, psychological or developmental disabilities but this is never mentioned even if the person fits into two minority groups.

This is a country where if you have a service animal that you rely on you still don’t have the freedom of religion because a church can legally turn away a service animal. A country where if you are a drug addict you can get 50 mg of low dose naltrexone free and go to suboxone clinics free of charge but if you are a chronic pain patient you have to pay over 300 for 2 mg of naltrexone to control your pain and stay off of opioids which are oftentimes the only things covered on Medicare but also the same medications being cracked down on not by people who need them for chronic pain but by addicts in turn putting limits on opioids so drug addicts can live and chronic pain patients who are in so much pain they have seizures and go into organ failure to live in agony and possibly even eventually die weather it be suicide because they cant stand the pain or from organ failure that results from the pain.

A country where doctors are taught “if you hear hoof prints on the ground think horses not zebras'' meaning when a patient presents with a symptom consider common conditions that can be associated with these symptoms not rare diseases allowing doctors to abuse and neglect patients and slap psychological diagnoses on them so they don't have to jump into the rare disease realm of medicine or even learn about it in school. This results in more than 250,000 deaths each year from medical neglect alone and that's not even the people like my mom who wake up on life support to find out days of their lives have passed and they are now living with permanent disability. A country where there are still states like ohio where you cannot sue for medical abuse and neglect unless someone died or comes out essentially a vegetable and if this results in disability where you are in a wheelchair or have limited cognitive impairment but can still speak and think to some degree, yet still resulting in permanent disability, it's just too bad, so sad for you because sure you went in for a simple gallbladder removal and came out needing the blood in your body replaced 4 times, going into exploratory surgery with a 5 percent chance of survival, split from your breast to your pelvic bone to have all of your organs removed, your liver repaired which fell apart multiple times in the process of trying to sew back together your liver the other doctor cut open and tried to hide for 9 hours while you bleed to death, sure you came out on life support after being deemed legally dead multiple times and had four brain aneurysms because of this trauma, which resulted in cognitive impairment, missed months of work only to get laid off, now deal with chronic pain, fatigue and weakness for the rest of your life and will never be able function like you once did ever again but you didn't die and you're not cognitively impaired enough so that's on you, the doctor on the other hand can keep operating on people as if nothing ever happened.

America is where people on Welfare, who are poor and in many cases don't want to work, make more money and get more financial benefits than someone on SSDI who is disabled and literally can't work. A country where people on Medicaid who are poor get better healthcare than the sick and elderly on Medicaid and if you qualify for both Medicare and Medicaid you might as well forget it because your insurance isn't much better than having no insurance at all regardless as to what special programs you fit into, where the Medicare formulary trumps the Medicaid formulary and if Medicaid for the poor covers a service but Medicare doesn’t, what Medicare says, goes and you simply don't get coverage for your needs. A country where a president cuts funding to the Orphan Drug Tax Credit, oftentimes the only funding that most rare diseases have to study possible treatments for these diseases while cutting taxes multi billion dollar industries have to pay in taxes such as his hotels and golf courses and every time they send out a relief check during Covid they make up for it by cutting funding to either schools or Medicare, particularly Medicare recipients with rare diseases, removing them from the formulary and allowing them to die to pay for these checks, hitting those with rare diseases because they are just that rare, meaning less people to complain so it's less likely there will be large riots for these people. This essentially reversed the act put in place ensuring those with preexisting conditions can get insurance leaving us so underinsured that many will likely die because they cannot get their medical care covered and can't afford it.

A place where those with disabilities are still not accepted, ADA is not yet being utilized in many areas or even seen as real or legitimate leaving us to be isolated from all aspects of our lives. We have very few rights, access, equality or inclusion more than 20 years after the signing of ADA into law. This leaves a lot of people like me to live lonely lives where we have no chance to succeed or in some cases such as those issues related to Medicare, not even a chance to live. By law an insurance company cannot deny you insurance based on pre-existing conditions however they can deny you coverage of the vital care you need once issuing you a card leaving insurance virtually useless with many rare diseases making survival of the fittest a terrifying reality. Welcome to America. The home of land of the free and home of the brave.

#MyEDSChallenge #MyHSDChallenge

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