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vashsscoreboardofpain · 1 month

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WELCOME BACK SPORTS FANS TO "VASH'S SCORE BOARD OF PAIN" :D

We are close to the final stretch of the season everyone! Will the debutant get to 100 points before its over?

Lets start round 8 shall we?

NOW, THIS IS THE MOMENT EVERYONE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR. A TRUE GAME CHANGER, THE BEST MOMENT THE CONTESTANT HAS HAD SO FAR TO PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS

THE FLASHBACKS EPISODE

Now, because the suffering division has already counted the Big Fall and the "accomplice" reveal in episode 1, those will not be counted today, but fear not sports fans, we have so much to cover today.

The contestant gets his first point very early in the episode. stampede vash gets a "bad event" point because everyone agreed that getting shamed with one year of life only because you wanted to eat it is pretty bad. additionally this had relevance in the future.

stampede vash keeps going and strikes another point right after his talk with nai. he gets 1 "traumatic event" thanks to the guy who grabbed his ankle. yikes. the contestant runs away from the metaphorical but also real dead bodies- oh? the suffering division has decided to count the metaphorical dead people as a separate "traumatic event" point. we are 5 minutes into the episode and things are already going intense for the *checks notes* 1 year old.

AND HERE IT IS, THE FIRST "YIKES STATEMENT" POINT OF THE EPISODE. stamped vash gets a point for his little "i want everything to be over...i want to disappear." stampede vash from the past is leaving no crumbs

he strikes another "bad event" point when he is accused of leaving nai to die alone. the contestant looked pretty distressed so it is being counted.

AND HE HITS ANOTHER "YIKES STATEMENT" POINT. THE CROWD GOES WILD AND STARTS CRYING. "why did you rescue me? i wanted to die there" are pretty strong words for a child.

AND STAMPEDE VAHS HITS ANOTHER ONE, ITS TRULY INCREDIBLE! third "yikes statement" point when he explains hes pretty much a useless plant. we have not seen this many yikes statements in a row since 2009. what a time to be alive for sports.

stampede vash knows hes on a roll and he keeps going, HE KEEPS GOING AND STRIKES ANOTHER "TRAUMATIC EVENT" POINT. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. The official news about rem passing are indeed, merit of this point. even if he already suspected it

WAIT WAIT WAIT, HE HITS A "YIKES STATEMENT" POINT AND AN "ACTION" POINT IN THE SAME SCENE. EVEN HIS RIVALS ARE WORRIED FOR THE DEBUTANT. Although the suffering division had to debate this one for a minute, the "im not gonna eat. bringing me food is a waste" will be counted even if its in the same vein as the "im useless" statement. they are in the same vein but they are different statements. the other point is counted because he is actively ignoring food even though he probably needs it.

stampede vash has proved to us he will stop at nothing. he gains another "traumatic event" point when people call him a monster and gains another "action" point for carving crosses for the many people who died in the Big Fall. The audience is shocked. the experts say if he keeps going like this, he might be able to compensate the lack of points after the wolfwood centric episodes

we hit minute 12, almost halfway the episode and the contestant strikes, thats right, another "traumatic event" point. hearing a plant in pain and getting yelled for trying to help will surely have effects in his future. after so much begging he finally makes it out of the cell to save the plant, and from there it seems like the debutant will take it easier for this round. he gets a bed. he gets friends. hes a teenager now. life is good

stampede vash seems to be getting in a nice rhythm, he gets a heartwarming moment and then THERE IT IS LADIES, GENTLEMANTS AND THE PEOPLE FROM BEYOND, ANOTHER "TRAUMATIC EVENT" POINT. HIS ONLY FRIENDS THINK HE HAS BEEN AGAINST THEM THIS ENTIRE TIME AND HE FLEES. I REPEAT. HE MOTHER FUCKING FLEES. an additional "action" point is being counted because he fled. the audience is shocked. after a few minutes of peace and wholesome moments this comes to everyone like a slap in the face. a good one tho, because we are all sports fans.

OH? everyone hold up. even after he runs away he asks the suffering division to consider his goodbye letter for points. the suffering division reads the letter, and takes a few minutes to make a decision. the audience holds their breath, everyone is on edge. News are here: the suffering division WILL COUNT 5 "YIKES STATEMENT" POINTS FOR THE LETTER. EVERYONE GOES WILD. the suffering division announces that the letter just had so so so much guilt that it deserved those 5 points. they also explain that if you make the count, the letter had 5 sentences that show how guilty he feels.

AND ON THAT POWERFUL AND SAD NOTE THE ROUND IS OVER. The debutant collapses (again) after an incredible performance. AND WHAT A PERFORMANCE! ON THIS ROUND ALONE HE GATHERED 19 POINTS, HIS NEW TOTAL IS 90 POINTS!

HE IS SO CLOSE TO HIT 100 POINTS IN ONLY ONE SEASON! THIS IS INSANE! WHAT AN EXCITING MOMENT IN SPORTS

KEEP FOLLOWING #VASHSSCOREBOARDOFPAIN TO SEE THE DEBUTANT FLY UP IN THE RANKS OF SUFFERING!

#trigun #trigun stampede #vashs score board of pain

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desperate2lose · 9 months

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hi, i’m Des. i haven’t had an @na/mi@ account since i was probably 14. that was the last time i was thin. all my life i have had weight issues, which i now know are due to PCOS (i’m ftm, have been for 12 yrs). the only 2 times i was ever thin were when i was 9 because i played sports, and when i was 14 because i was r3stricting. i’m 5’6, and i should be somewhere in the 120-150 range to be considered healthy. my lowest was 130 in high school. i’m currently at my highest, somewhere between 250-280. at about 18 i started ballooning, rapidly gaining weight no matter how much i worked out. since then i’ve rel@psed a couple times but it never stuck because i was so scared of being how i was in high school.

back then i was a zombie. due to mental health issues but also because of my ed. i was constantly tired and sad and i wanted to be a skeleton. i preferred being d3@d thin rather than fat and alive. i don’t feel that way anymore. i don’t want to be underw3ight, i don’t want to d!3. i want to be thin, i want to lose.

i’m aware that reverting to this lifestyle and r3stricting isn’t the healthy way to lose. however, it’s the only thing that has worked for me in the past. and i believe it’s the only way to regain my self control. i definitely b!nge sometimes for emotional reasons and i am not okay with that. whenever i’ve tried to diet in a “healthy” way, i fall off of it, or i don’t hold myself accountable enough.

i feel like i’m the type of person where if i say i’ll only eat 1200 cals it turns to 1500. if i say i’ll only eat omad it’ll end up being tmad. so my theory is that i have more than enough to lose, so if my goal is to eat n0thing, i’ll probably fail but still progress.

some things i’m trying to avoid:

• ending up malnourished

i plan on taking vitamins and if i do eat, making sure it’s the right type of food to get me thru my physical job/working out/life.

• my mental health declining

i’ve been working very hard on my mh and i’m not going to throw that away. so i’ll be tracking my moods and modifying what/how much i eat to keep myself stable.

• “⭐��vation mode”

i dont want to end up keeping my fat on because my body goes into this mode. so i’m gradually going to reduce my calories over probably 6 weeks.

• going under my ugw

if i even hit my ugw it’ll be a miracle, but i don’t want to become so @ddicted to r3stricting that i continue rather than maintaining if i eventually get there.

• my loved ones finding out

i plan on making it seem like im just changing my lifestyle. i don’t want to lie, so i’m hoping no one will notice.

• failing

pretty much the only perk of me being obese right now is that my doctor wants to put me on appetite suppressants. i just have to figure out which i’d rather have, do some bloodwork, and then i’m golden.

DISCLAIMERS

i’m not in the mindset to be swayed into not r3l@psing. so pls don’t try to convince me.

i’m not fatphobic. i don’t see anyone worth less no matter what their body looks like. this is solely about me and how i see myself.

i’m not into shaming/triggering each other on purpose to promote progress. you can do that but leave me out of it. if i see anyone insulting me, i’m blocking them, period.

i (in general, sometimes i have bad days) do not hate myself. i understand that this corner of the internet tends to have a lot of self hatred, sh, etc. that’s not where i am in life. this is strictly about w3ight to me. if you are sewer slidal, post sh, talk about sh, or constantly post self hatred, i probably won’t follow you. i hope you love yourself soon though.

any tips on how to lose/vitamins to take/recipes/etc are appreciated.

so thats basically it. im gonna be blogging some kind of mix between ana and d!et stuff. some healthy stuff. some not healthy stuff. i’m not trying to fit in any boxes, just trying to figure out what works for me because i am so fucking desperate to lose at this point.

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bouqetofmemes · 1 year

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so Are we gonna get cake still?

y’all get yo ass beat here 🧍‍♂️like kicked in the stomach beat

While everyone was playing pool you were spacing off in the garden

'If I wear a nice dress one day out of the blue, what would he think of me?' 'What if I'm not the sister he was expecting? What if I disappeared, would he even care?... I'm useless.' Y/n started letting a couple tears slip

"Mistress?" *gasp* *sniff* "Yes Sebastian?" "It is tea time." "Oh, I'm coming...."

While Sebastian was talking about the tea for the day Ciel asked Y/n a question "Y/n, where did you go earlier?" "I went to the garden." "Oh."

"Grell." "Oh, yes my lady?" "Learn something from Sebastian." "Yes." "Just look at him. I mean this physique!" Madam red started touching Sebastian's ass 🌝 "You should quit this country job and come work for me in the city!" "Pff- Madam red, you're too funny!"

"So do you believe the drug trafficker was one of your guests today?" Lau asked "Perhaps." "Why not leave the extermination to Lau?" "A rat knows best where a rats nest is, doesn't he?" "I'm but a tame Guinea pig dedicated to my lord and lady." "If they instruct me not to act, I'm bound to do nothing." Lau finished with both of his hands on your heads

"Watch it!" "You'd best keep your paws off my darling niece and nephew!" Madam red yelled at Lau "You wound me!" "I would never paw at them in they're own home, dear Madam!" "Are you saying you would elsewhere?!" Madam red yelled at Lau letting both of you to fall to the ground "Careful! Your on thin ice now sir!"

"Master, mistress?" "The rats are here..."

"IT WENT THAT WAY!" "And here too."

"...ready soon, would both of you like to eat with your guests?" "Bring it to my study, I'm done here, come Y/n." "Yes

Certainly, my lord."*huff*"Finally, some peace and quiet..."Then both of you saw black "The policeman and woman of England's underworld, two of the nobles who have done the royal family's dirty work for generations."" "the Queen Guard Dog, and Butterfly." Tasked with disposing of anyone who disagrees with her.""Just how many nicknames do you two have?""How many family's have you crushed, Ciel and Y/n Phantomhive?""I thought it would be you.""You shame your family Azzurro Vanel.""Come now, my little Lord Phantomhive.""Do you know how hard it is for the Italian mafia here?""You Englishmen have nothing but tea on the brain.""It's difficult to penetrate those small minds of yours, so we have to think outside the box to make money.""So we found the drug trade."

*grunt*

"CIEL!""Did you hear that!?" "The time for talk is over!"

*scream**splat*"Y/N!"Azzurro was kicking your stomach multiple times while pulling your hair"Monsters like you always wear disguises, how 'bout you turn off that porcelain face you've got heh?" He was now kicking your face as blood was coming out of your mouth and noseThe telephone rang and the man answered it, not expecting to hear Sebastian

*chuckle**giggle*

"That's too bad..." Y/n started"Sounds like your little game of fetch is over." Ciel ended"Just shut your mouth you damn brat!""CIEL!" Azzuro hit Ciel once again"Hello?"

Sebastian was on the phone"Woof." Ciel answered Time skip

A couple minutes later"I have no intention of fighting you. Not yet." Azzurro said to Sebastian

He then grabs your hair along with Ciel's "But you better have what I asked for!" Azzurro said while holding both of you at gun point"Yes I do, it's right here."

*gunshot*"Wha-""Sebastian, what the hell...""Aw, sorry, dandy. I really am, but this rounds mine.""There's no way I was going up against Phantomhive’s, lord and lady of games, without a trump card hidden.""I damaged the goods a little bit , but that's alright. I'm sure both of you'll fetch a pretty price, even in this condition.""I might even keep the girl here.""Im sure she'll make a fine attraction." Azzuro said darkly"Don't worry, you have so many enemies,I doubt you'll be alive for that much longer.""Alright, I'm tired of messing around." Ciel finally spoke up"How much longer are you planning to play dead.""Not long."

As Sebastian was turning into his demon form you grabbed a handkerchief and wiped off any remaining blood from both you and Ciel"Good thing we didn't get injured too much." Y/n said softly"But your stomach-""I'm fine Ciel, just a couple kicks, that's all.""Whatever, I'm having Sebastian check you for bruises and scratches.""Fine."As Sebastian was carrying Ciel and holding your arm the other servants came

"Oh, master, mistress, are you alright?" Mey-Rin asked"We were so worried, I thought you two died!" Finny said almost crying at the end"Well, at least you guys are safe and sound." Bardroy said, sounding relieved"Well, we need to get cleaned up, so please, excuse us." Y/n said worried"Do you think she's alright?" Finny asked"She's was prolly shaken up by the fact that she got kidnapped." Bardroy said"But she's safe now, maybe I can prepare a bath for 'er!" Mey-Rin said"Sure, I'll give you what's needed then you can take care of her while I tend to the master.""WAHH- S-Sebastian?""My lady.""Come in?""Mey-Rin, did you need something?""Ah- I- Uh-m, I've come to prepare a bath for you!""A bath, for me? You're far too kind Mey- Rin, there's no need for that." Y/n said, walking towards Mey-Rin"But my lady, you got kidnapped not too long ago, I bet you're shaken up a bit.""Indeed I am, fine, come, run the bath, I'll wait here.""Of course my lady." Mey-Rin said bowing

https://at.tumblr.com/bouqetofmemes/flash-back/zc0detzo11cb

#black butler x y/n #black butler x reader #Ciel Phantomhive x sister reader #sebastian x child reader #Mey-Rin x child reader #bouquetofmemes

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kermitheefrog · 8 months

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im about to say some absolutely cringe stuff ft eating disorder discussion so trigger warning for that

anorexia is insane the way it ruined my brain and convinced me of such ridiculous stuff specifically mindsets about carbohydrates like bread n pasta n CHIPS... like they were my worst enemies in the world that i would never eat under the guise that it was ''healthier'' i didnt... like they weren't in fact staples of the human diet all over the world for thousands of years... this is going to sound ridic but basiclee i just ate a full bag of proper chipper chips and goujons from my local chipper 4 dinner and it's the best feeling in the whole wide world eating it all and not overwhelmingly feeling shame and disgust at myself over eating carbs n anything ''unhealthy'' like that or like i have to burn it off or make up for it by starving myself of nutrients that my body fucking needs like.... like I won't lie those thoughts haven't gone away n frankly i don't know if they fully will but I'll keep challenging them and right now I just feel happy and full. like in perspective it's bonkers that i fought so much to avoid fullness. i'm glad i'm alive.

#sorry if this doesn't make sense im kind of just in awe that im actually making progress

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kratosfan6632466 · 1 year

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Failed mission

Wrecker walked in from their mission as he angrily mumbles to himself as he sat down

Zima : sweetheart are you OK?

Wrecker: no! We failed another mission it was so STUPID !

Wrecker said as he threw his helmet across the room in anger

Zima : what happened???

Crosshair: we couldn’t get the supplies….there were too many storm troopers….

Zima : hm

Wrecker: an’ we don’t get paid now either!!!

Zima thinks for a moment

Zima grabbed her purse and opened it

Wrecker: hm?

Zima grabbed some credits from her purse

Zima : here you boys can have some of my credits

Wrecker: really?

Zima : yeah it’s only fair if you really needed some money

She gave the men some credits

Wrecker: stupid storm troopers tryna replace clones!

Wrecker said as he had his arms crossed

Zima : aw hun im sorry the mission didn’t go well but at least you’re alive

Wrecker: I know I - I jus hate failing on missions this should’ve been easy

Wrecker: zima…..why are they replacing us….? Are we not strong enough for them anymore?

Wrecker said as she wrapped her arms around him and he rests his head on her chest

Zima : your all very strong clones it’s a shame they’re trying to wipe out the clone army but I won’t let that happen

Wrecker: really….?

Zima : of course not! You guys are amazing the best army the republic could ever have

Wrecker: th-that makes me feel a bit better….I’m still strong to you right?

Zima : your the strongest clone I know of course you are strong ! You could break a door down on its hinges!

Wrecker smiled

Wrecker: you always know what to say to cheer me up

Zima : that’s not all I can do to cheer you up I made cookies while you were gone

Wrecker gasped

Wrecker: cookies????

Zima : yeah they are in the kitchen they are probably cooled off now

Wrecker went to the kitchen and grabbed a cookie and sat down and started eating it

Wrecker: ooh chocolate chip!

Zima smiled as he removed his armor and sat back

Zima : there we go you feel better?

Wrecker: little bit yeah

Zima sat on his lap

Zima : dinner tonight is some soup I think you would like

Wrecker: yeah what kind?

Zima : chicken and dumplings

Wrecker: I’ve heard of it but never tried it before

Zima : trust me you’re going to love it but for now….

Zima gently massaged his shoulders

Wrecker: you sure you didn’t take classes to do these?

Zima : Nope I just have soft hands and skin

Wrecker: I have a cramp on my back if you could just-

Zima waited for him to stand up and got him to lean back while standing up as his back cracked as he let out a sigh of relief

Wrecker: oh that feels so much better thanks zi

Zima : of course! I’m glad to help you out

She gently massaged his back too

Wrecker: oh I feel a lot better!

Zima : then it worked

Wrecker picked her up and hugged her

Wrecker: thank you so much zima I really appreciate it

Zima kissed his nose as his cheeks turned red

Wrecker smiled as she chuckled

Wrecker: I feel all mushy now because of you

Zima : aw your cute

Wrecker: nuh-uh YOU ARE cute

Zima smiled as he sat down as she laid down with him and rests her head on his chest

Wrecker: love you

Zima : i love you too hun

#zima lurzo #my ocs #tbb wrecker #zima x wrecker

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blueberrycheesecakesblog · 1 year

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eat me alive tonight/ eat away my pain/ my shame/ anything that screams that i was here/ swallow away the air i breathe/ gently maybe/ choke me to death/ im running/ my legs dont know how to walk slowly/ running away before you can tell me youre gonna leave/ a coward/ a miser in feelings/ wring my heart away/ im ready to surrender/ doors to my house are open wide/ come inside/ steal away that isn't yours/ that was once mine/ not anymore/ this is my note/ like a dream/ watch me pass you by/ like a memory/ let me fade away slowly/ eat away my thoughts/ if you can/ eat away my infatuations/ hear me out for a minute/ ask the big start/ end is near/ sharpen your nails/ how to fight loneliness/ how to end it without ending it/ how to fly away like a migratory bird/ i need answers to my questions before it's too late/ for me/ it's been too long/ tell me if youre gonna miss the parts of me i never showed/ tell me in hush voices/ how youre gonna erase me/ i want to/ bleed on the bed i was born/ in the same room let me tie my head to the ceiling/ this is a lil bitter/ im sorry but they are not coming back for you/ knives are out/ one on my throat/ staring right into my eyes/ do you see/ fear or something bigger/ like a want that lingers/ my fingertips are leaving the marks behind/ hush me down to my room/ slowly lay me down/ tonight is the night/ tomorrow is not coming around/ paint on the floor is spilled over/ paint on the walls all dried up/ a liar/ i am/ i want to be but i cant/ i wouldve been but i wont/ everybody is gonna go sometime

ask the big star, end is near

ask the big star, end is here.

#writing #big star #smh man #idk dude just read it for the sake of reading it

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jett-does-art-stuff · 3 months

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guys I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna copy and paste the long ass vent from my texts to this post. Are you excited? I'm gonna go through it to add paragraph breaks just for you guys <3 only open that shit if you want to read it, because it will take a sec to scroll through.

It's fucking insane how just a few weeks ago I was thinking about how content I was with how things were, my friends checked on me a decent amount, I didn't feel like a burden, I was content with how I was being treated and how I was treating others, and now here I am. I don't think half of my friends like me anymore. I feel so fucking worthless. I feel filthy. The only people I even talk to anymore I feel like an outsider with because of how recently I joined the friend group. I don't talk to my best friend much. I don't feel welcome with my other friends. I feel like I'm always being judged. I can't keep my stupid fucking mouth shut. I hate myself so fucking much and I think I'm depressed and there's nothing I can do because I'm acting normal around my family and I know that if I tried to talk about the possible eating disorder, and the possible depression, and the fact that I want to cut my tits off and have a dick, and the fact that I like girls and boys would be too much for my family to handle. My dad is getting more hostile with his remarks, I'm getting along better with my uncle (I know it sounds good, but he's a bad person and I don't want to be like him or have stuff in common with him.) Im getting along with someone I want to hate way better than any of my other friends right now, and the worst part is that this is probably the third worst it's ever been (behind my friend dumping a load of shit onto me and causing several mental breakdowns a day for me over shit that wasn't even true, and my breakdown that caused my school to think I wanted to shoot up the school) and I'm the happiest I've been in a while too.

Can you fucking imagine how much I hate being alive right now? And all I can think about is how much worse it could be and that I don't deserve to be upset I fucking hate myself so much I'm so sick of existing. I keep having to tell myself to make it until my birthday/christmas (six months apart, so I'm always essentially telling myself to just make it six months or less) before I can kill myself and just have to hope that by that point the festivity makes me feel guilty for wanting to die. Like, genuinely the main thing keeping me alive is that I feel guilty for existing, and I don't want to die without giving my parents SOMETHING in return for all the effort they put in for me to just end up some fucking faggot ass tranny writing shit like this at 3:30 am when I'm supposed to be asleep and I'm writing it to myself in texts so I'll remember to post it and properly vent because I can't fucking bottle shit up anymore. I listen to songs that I feel like relate to, but I always end up hating myself for it because I feel like I don't deserve sympathy because it's my fault I'm going through this I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me I can't fucking think at this point I just want to be happy and have a normal childhood and whatever the hell is out there had to fuck me over by giving me an extra hole and some fucking lumps in a time period where liking tits and dicks is something that gets people only a few years older than me disowned and abandoned and shamed by the people supposed to protect them.

(Dawg when I went to copy this, LOOK HOW FUCKING LONG IT IS IN TEXT FORM.)

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klavery · 6 months

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ok ive alluded 2 this b4 and i wanted 2 talk abt it 4 ace week so if anyones just dying 2 get in on an internet strangers Dramatic Queer Backstory im ready to overshare. its about my history with sex negativity and how its affected me.

so i grew up with an lgbt+ irl friend group of about 7 years. it sounds totally fake but for the love of god just trust me on this. Friend A was your typical anti-aspec, anti-mogai, anti-kink exclusionist with internalized homophobia and Friend B was a sex repulsed asexual. these two people were my best friends, we were all nd, we all liked fandom stuff, and we all found out we were lgbt+ together.

now with that context in mind, im letting you know right now that our relationship with eachother as lgbt+ people was utter hell. we werent CONSTANTLY at eachothers throats, but there had always been an air of uneasiness any time any topics about our identities or lgbt "issues" were brought up. there was no solidarity, and any support for eachother had always been one-sided. when tolerance HAD failed us, it resulted in arguments and shade-throwing. and it was all fueled by tumblr funnieman internet discourse brain poison. i was unable to feel pride within the presence of these two people, and the damage this did to me as an aspec person alone is a post all on its own.

these two friends, as you can imagine, were also very sex negative people. as was i. for me it was from a weird mixture of repulsion, and repression. but the nuances of my mess of an identity is, again, an essay for another time. but anyways, my own issues combined with both Friend A's internalized homophobia and Friend B's repulsion lead to us being neck deep in a miserable cycle of both sex and kink shaming, of either people we knew or people on the internet, amongst ourselves (i guess this was the one thing we could all agree on. isnt that just swell). this had been disastrous for my self esteem as someone who, later realized, wasnt "as asexual" as they thought, for lack of a better phrase.

i cant begin to describe how psychologically damaged this behavior has left me. to be stuck in such a toxic, harmful mindset during such a crucial period of development, between the ages of 13-20 years old. that i still struggle immensely to unlearn. it feels permanently ingrained in my subconscious, its just completely automatic to react with disgust or anger towards anything sexual. i always thought myself to be the perverted freak of the group, because of what i only relatively recently realized was actually normal human behavior all along. but the guilt of simply having any sexual thought continues to eat me alive to this day. and i must reiterate, the shaming wasnt just from my friends. i take just as much responsibility for the harm i caused. and i dont doubt my old friends are also just as fucked up from it as i am. i dont want to blame them for what happened. there is a part of me that wants to be angry, but thats mostly at the exclusionist shit. which i, big shocker, also had a hand in as well. funny how that works. its just. sad it had to be this way. this month is the 4 year mark of when i finally stopped talking to them for good. and i can only hope theyve grown up and gotten better.

#hollyposts #vent #ace week #aaw #i could go on foreeever about this. but i actually wanted to keep it readable.#so storytime with holly will probably happen more often #considering turning off reblogs actually takes a lot of anxiety off my shoulders talking about it #i see posts that say aspecs should speak up more about their experiences. so ill try 2 internalize that.

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zestybxtch · 8 months

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cant believe im being horny on main

hhh you just make me so asfdkjhadjkfha cant put it into words ur just..... so.... i wanna munch you, like,,,,,, physically need to just bite you, just, really softly yk

your posts make me feel such a way just make my brain all fuzzy, dont know how to think and i get so wet hhhhh and kajdfhakd cant talk right now not normal

you make me feel like i need a bf sooo sooo bad makes me so sad i dont have one T^T

apologies for being horny on main

do i baby? hmm, love making boys feel a certain way and get desperate for something more... it feels good to know someone enjoys reading my shameful desires<3

cute boys can eat me alive if u only wish so

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analtyranny · 10 months

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let’s play gore screaming show, part 10: the man-eating demon

kyoji assumes aoi must be done already, but she hasn't filled in any answers at all

so then he shows her what she needs to do to solve them. he even solves one for her, no burger required.......misandry is real u_u

"classes are back to normal" but the boys’ gym teacher's still at the meeting so all the dudes are stuck inside lol. kyoji looks out the window at the girls’ gym class, and sees someone running

and we get another choice ALREADY? im guessing this choice decides which girl he notices. Schrödinger's runner

so he checks out aoi, and shinta starts going "do you LIIIIKE her" again

😳 there's someone else i like, shinta... someone who's always got my back... someone i love talking to, even if we keep being interrupted... someone who bought me a light-up digimon

also no gym clothes cg. for shame

so yeah, measures are being taken because of the disappearances. maybe if we walk home in groups we won't run into the plot

also shinta's a soccer guy

wh-what do the boys think though 😳

anyway we’re heading back home with akane

it's awkward at first but they soon find a common interest: talking shit

and now aoi's walking home with us too! everything is fine

OH FUCK OH GOD

thank fuck it’s just yamiko...right, she wanted us to help her with an article for her occult mag

if we all run in different directions we can't ALL get eaten so anyway, about that article...

........this is the first we're hearing of any ruins kyoji says he can't leave akane and aoi alone because of the disappearances so he can't help yamiko today, but yamiko points out kyoji could be in just as much danger himself

......y-yeah... gobbled up........

so obviously the solution is for all four of them to go to the ruins, and akane and aoi are invited along

oh it's the creepy trail kyoji got warped to at the start of the game

it's just some creepy ruins, what's the worst that could happen

FGHJKJHGFD WELL WE WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANY MAN-EATING DEMONS

text dump incoming:

cursed altar in a haunted cave, gotcha

oh, i think there was something in the OP that looked like that

okay not really a mountain but still

come on, akane, context cues

so the crazy guy died after, but not before saying something about a passage to another world. ppl started saying the altar was devoted to a man-eating demon, but nobody who tried to kill it came back alive, and their bodies kept being found half-eaten

...then a monk showed up and sealed the demon and everything was fine

anyway, back to the hike. we end up at the entrance to a shrine, but kyoji and akane don't seem very happy about it because something something Three Years Ago

apparently! but we won’t know until akane’s route

apparently the hokora (mini-shrine thing) is connected to the story but yamiko doesn't say how. anyway she heads off somewhere on her own, leaving kyoji n’ friends to uhhh look around for weird shit i guess

the story she told us took place on a rainy day...im sure it's just a coincidence....... but just then, aoi notices something made of bricks in the woods. there's a ton of plant shit in between them and it though, so it looks like a pain in the ass to get to. kyoji wants to ignore it and move on, but aoi just charges right in

...aaand akane makes her come back. so kyoji just goes himself, but it turns out there was a trail to it anyway. lol

it looks like...a well? maybe you do edgy fangame sacrifices to arceus on it there's a line down the middle so maybe it can be opened. or maybe it's THE evil altar

sure enough, kyoji manages to open it a bit. but just as akane is about to peek inside...

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tumbleringismycopingmechanism · 1 year

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So, I got an ask to answer all questions from the last ask sheet I reblogged. Here you go:

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Not really I guess? I mean, it could be so much worse, but my father's practically a stranger to me because he was hardly ever around and my mom pretty much closed herself off emotionally after my older brother died (I was still very young back then), so I also feel like I barely know her. But we usually all have a pretty nice time during holidays and they both support me financially as best as they can, so I don't really think I have a right to complain much.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

I'm not sure I've ever said that to anyone. There's a similar phrase im German (it roughly translates to "I hold you dear") that you usually use with family (and I guess friends?), and even that one I barely use. I just never had one to say it to, I guess.

03: Do you regret anything?

Yes. But if I were to list every regret of mine, we'd be here for a while. Though in rare moments I can't bring myself to regret anything, because it made me who I am. (Most of the time I'm not really happy with who that is, so of course I have regrets then.)

04: Are you insecure?

Yes. Maybe less so here with the anonymity of the internet, but not by much.

05: What is your relationship status?

I'm currently single.

06: How do you want to die?

No idea, I'm open to suggestions. (jk😆)

07: What did you last eat?

White cookie poki sticks

08: Played any sports?

I'm terrible at litterally any sport you can imagine, but sometimes I like to go swimming, biking or hiking.

09: Do you bite your nails?

No. (But to my shame sometimes the skin around them without noticing.)

10: When was your last physical fight?

If I had to guess, when I was still a kid and me and my younger sister used to fight a lot. I can't really remember though.

11: Do you like someone?

Yes, several someones which is why I had a little crisis that ended with me now considering that I might be polyamorous.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Not quite, but I think something close to it several times.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

No one particular person that I actually know in person, but of course I hate Homophobes, Transphobes, Racists etc.

14: Do you miss someone?

Yes, but that's a bit complicated.

15: Have any pets?

Nope, also never had any. And while I would love to have little animal companion, I feel like I should not be trusted with having to keep something alive...

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Okay-ish. Have a bit of a headache, but otherwise I'm fine and as I said answering the ask that prompted this post, I'm delighted there's someone who cares to know so much about me.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Nope.

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Yes.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Depends how much I could go back. I'm a big history nerd and would love to see some events as they happen.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

In front of a parking building in summer 2021. I did not really enjoy it.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

Mostly doing stuff for uni. I also partake in the production of a local culteral event this weekend.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Nope. For similar reasons as with the pets.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

If holes for earrings count, then those, in the usual spot. Apart from that, no.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

I usually got straight As in everything but P.E., but often times they felt undeserved (e.g. in Latin - because even 4 years after my graduation and with additionally completing the entire Duolingo course, I still barely understand a word when I come accross it).

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes; see answer 14.

26: What are you craving right now?

Affection. I always do.

Also, to finally be through with the semester and all my exams so I can have some sembelence of free time again.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

If so, I honestly don't know. As far as exes go, I have three (that generously counting, as you'll see). With the first one I was together at the start of Elementary School. When I broke up with him, his mother lamented to mine that he was heartbroken, but he never seemed to be so in school and also, we were like 7, so I'm not sure it even counts.

With my second ex-bf, I thought I would be breaking his heart, be he told me that he usually doesn't feel any emotions (intently) and that he pretty much didn't care that I broke up with him.

And with my last ex, I can't even tell you whom of us broke up, so I can't imagine that I broke his heart. (We haven't spoken since, so I have no way to guess either.)

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

Don't think so, no.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Not as far as I know, no.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

My headache. And I'm getting slightly hungry.

31: Does somebody love you?

Bloody good question. As far as I know, no. (Some of my family members sometimes claim they do, but I have a hard time believing it, since I think they'd at least try to spend time with me from time to time if they really did.)

32: What is your favourite color?

Black, but most of the time I enjoy it more when it's paired with other colours.

33: Do you have trust issues?

I don't think so.

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

I don't really remember... The last time I still remembered what I dreamt when I woke up, I posted it here because it was Good Omens related. So if you scroll back enough, you can read it.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I don't cry in front of other people. (To be fair, I hardly ever cry on my own either.) Although, come to think of it, one time I cried in school in front of a floor full of people - but none of them noticed.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

I don't think so.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forget. To forgive I have to figure out why it even still bothers me and most of the time I have no idea.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

So far it is. But January isn't even over yet, so that's hardly an achievement.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

20.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

No.

51: Favourite food?

Pizza or curly fries, I think.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Probably not everything, but most things. (And by "for a reason" I usually mean a logically reason, not some almighty higher force or something.)

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

I started answering an asked, but got too tired and finished it this morning instead.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

No.

55: Are you mean?

Sometimes, I think. Most times I will apologize though. But as far as I know I also often come across as mean when I'm actually not, so... Think of that what you will.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

Noone, as far as I remember.

57: Do you believe in true love?

I mean, it kinda depends on how you define "true love", but yes.

58: Favourite weather?

Summer rain/thunderstorms.

59: Do you like the snow?

Only to look at and for pretty much nothing else; so technically no.

60: Do you wanna get married?

Not necessarily, but I do want a relationship.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

I think I wouldn't like that nickname much.

62: What makes you happy?

The most: texting to/talking with people I like and who I feel might like me back. But also reading, singing, dancing, painting, writing, on rare occasions hiking, learning new stuff.

63: Would you change your name?

If I ever manage to publish a book I think I might do it under a pen name. If I ever get married, I might consider it. Apart from that, no, I don't think so.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Yes.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

That's a hard question, because I don't really have any irl friends, let alone a best friend. And without a specific person in mind, the question is kinda pointless, because the answer would be based purely on speculation.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I don't think I have anyone (at least irl) that I feel like I can act my complete self around. My little sister probably comes closes, but she's obviously my sister, not my friend, and also not of the opposite gender.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

(Actual talking:) Some guys with whom I work on a project for uni together. We had a seminar together this morning.

(If texting also counts:) The lovely @jdoegainer 🥰🥰🥰

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I'm not sure what counts as "deep".

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

Yes.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

I think so, yes.

If you made it this far thank you (and sorry 😅). Also, if any of the answers isn't specific enough, feel free to ask again. Also also, if you're the one who sent me the anonymous ask for this, feel free to text me 😊

#me #asks #thanks for the asks #i love getting asks

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rottenstrawberryshortcake · 1 year

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Getting bad again

The world turns dark and consumes me

And swallows me whole

Rejection eats me alive

The lies people tell me tear me apart

And when the blame gets put all on me

They spit me back out

I dont understand what it is about me that makes me so distrustful

And why they cant understand or refuse to see why i act the way i do...

I sit here with evidence but they tell me im wrong and that i don't know what i am saying

But its all right here splayed out in front of me

And i cant even make you listen

And im left with the shame of ever opening my mouth in the first place

My words wither and die before they are ever said..

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bethanie28 · 1 year

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blessing season

The enemy loves to get in my head and tell me thats it’s too late too to do the things that God asks me to do. I believed for years that it was too late to start that new career, its too late to break away from unhealthy relationship and even now … its too late to start this blog. Now that being said Hi, Hello, my name Is Bethany Hope. I want to officially Welcome you to my personal blog. I Know its the end of the year but I feel a urgency to post today. i use to think my story was unique but really it isn’t. The things I am going to share on this blog are warning signs to some but are also very relatable to others. So lets get started.

There’s this terminally called cuffing season is normally used among menials and Gen Zers but everyone participates in this act. Yes even the old boomers and anyone with a pulse.

Cuffing season is done mostly in the fall and winter, it’s the time when people connect themselves to things that are below their value or convenient for the time being.

In the urban dictionary cuffing season means “ it’s a season of loneliness and desperation you settle for our relationship that’s beneath your standards”

This definition uses relationships as an example but its not about just relationships please keep reading. I want to be clear everything has consequence good and bad. Being cuffed to anything that is not christ Himself will lead to death in time. For example being cuffed to wanting to getting married is just as unhealthy as being cuffed to money the little things you do will become patterns and become big problems. I’ll come back to this in a moment.

To to make this easier to understand. Imagine my friend coming over to hang out and she asked me for a quick snack I wouldn’t go to the garbage can to grab her something to eat. Why ?? Because the garbage can is not a standard for someone to eat from. We all know how ridicules it would be if someone went to their garbage to grab you food. You and I both have a standard when it comes to food. We know no matter what we are not eating out of the trash. This Sanrio may seem like a no brainer but the “eating trash” is just an example of the real thing we settling in our lives. some examples can be love for money, wanting a relationships and or a successful career. If you’re a believer or not I want to tell you the things you are doing in just “for now” knowing its the very thing that is destroying you. you would never settle to eat trash because your hungry even if no one was watching right? keep the same standard in al areas of your life.

Im not off the hook either. Ive been in many situations that destroyed me because I was lonely, inpatient and board. I will open up on this blog about my relationships, difunctional eating and personal insecurities. I have endured lot of pain because of my own choices. Ive been bound up by shame and guilt for years. The "well sees" are never fun.

let this be a blessing season . a season that is a thirst trap or distraction a season that isn't lonely but full of life. Where God pours out peace and direction onto your life. A season that God blesses you so you can be a blessing to others. Do not be fooled by anything. Dont wonder looking for food in the trash cans. what you find is contaminated. Please do not be curious about things of the world. Ask for help, ask for prayer be honest with you self if you need help. Just like you choose what to wear everyday you choose to receive Gods guidance.

I believe everyone who is reading this God sent you to this blog this message is no mistake. God sees you and he loves you. stand tall and pray that God revels all the areas where the enemy is lying to you. read His word for guidance and rejoice that youre alive today.

read with me Romans 12 verse 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Please let me know how I can pray for you. share is you must but most importantly I love you and God loves you

Bethany Hope

#christianpost #girlblogger #church #church girl #life is a blessing #blacklivesmatter #jesusistheway #jesuslovesyou #gospel #peacemaker #hope #i love you #love #jesus christ #black girls of tumblr

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