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#I've been working on and off on this post for like a month now
lydiimae · 3 days
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Guardian Angel
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Pairing:
MDI 18+
Warnings: Opium powder use, mentions of drinking, high Benedict, Benedict being an insecure cutie pie, fluffy fluff hehe
WordCount: 2.2k
A.N: Hello my loves! I'm sorry for my lack of posting, I've been sick and I've finally started work. I am still trying to find a schedule where I can post and have time for other things. For now, have some lovely Benny fluff while we all wait for part two of Season 3 to come out. I love you! <3 P.S. Thank you for 200 followers OMG I love you all so much.
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Marrying Benedict Bridgerton was the easiest decision you have ever had to make. The two of you grew up alongside each other, the rumors of a proposal coming when you debuted, and the actual proposal occurring only two months into the season. It was an easy choice, a choice you were happy you made. He made you feel alive. He filled a part of your soul you did not know was missing before you met him. Even in the hardest times of your marriage.
Benedict, like many other men, has insecurities. He keeps them hidden well behind an air of confidence, but you know better. He never was jealous of Anthony, but rather scared that he would always be looked at as the lesser son. The spare. He just did not understand what you saw in him. He saw himself as a man without purpose, a man who could not provide the life you wanted. He believed you when you said that was not true, but there was always a little voice in the back of his mind that made him doubt himself.
You knew this well. He was less talented at hiding his feelings when he was a child and had shared many of them in your many late nights on the hills of Aubrey Hall. Though now, these insecurities only rear their ugly heads when Benedict has had a few too many to drink. Or, as is the case tonight, too much of the strange tea Colin buys him.
You get out of the carriage with your maid and footman, John, after he had come to get you claiming that Benedict had had far too much tea. A result of drunken carelessness by his younger brother. You rush up the front steps and into your townhouse, taking off your cloak before bouncing up the stairs toward his studio. You sigh as you walk in to find your bohemian husband on the floor of the studio with a canvas in front of him, smearing paint on it with his fingers without a care in the world. It would be an adorable sight if you were not worried out of your mind.
You walk to him and sit down next to him, watching as his glassy eyes sweep over the floor before meeting your own. "Ah! My love!" He exclaims, his demeanor immediately brightening as he drapes his paint-stained arms around your middle, his cheek resting against your shoulder. You hum, not bothering with the wet paint that stains the dark blue fabric of your gown as you wrap your arms around him. "I have been seeing visions, darling." He mumbles into your skin as you run your fingers through his curls.
"Have you now?" You murmur as you press a kiss to his forehead, making his lips turn up into a loopy smile. The most adorable sight you have seen in a while. "Mm. Colorful visions. I had to paint them as quick as I could, had to feel the smoothness of my oils on the canvas." He says, pulling back to look at you. You grin when his eyes focus on yours, one of his paint-covered hands coming to rest on your cheeks leaving a beautiful mess of blues and purples in its wake.
He studies your face for a moment longer before crawling, quite clumsily, over to a clear canvas. "Benedict?" You call softly, moving to sit next to him as you watch a beautiful image come to life on the canvas. It wasn't anything, but at the same time, there was something so divine about how he is painting.
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After about an hour he stops, looking up at you with that darling crooked smile. "Look, Y/n. It is you. How I see you." He whispers, resting his head on your shoulder. You smile and look down at the mess of colors for a moment, believing that this canvas full of swirls might truly be how your husband looks at you in this state. "It is stunning, my love." You murmur, pressing a kiss to his brow before returning your attention to the painting. "Shall I explain it to you?" He slurs, his attention solely on you.
You hum and nod, returning your attention back to him. He smiles giddily, laying back and pulling you on top of him. "It is as if... I tried to capture a dream." He slurs, pressing his lips to your nose. "A whisper of our love, tangled in colors and chaos. This mess of lines and splashes, it is you and me, dancing through the storms and the sunbeams. It is...it is us." He stumbles, weaving paint-streaked fingers through your hair. Even in his most inebriated moments, he never ceases to take your breath away.
With a wavering smile and glassy eyes, he gestures to the canvas, his voice thick with emotion, "You see, my love, it is as if you are my guardian angel. This painting...it is not just colors. It is you. You are in every swirl, every splash...." He grins, watching your eyes shimmer with tears. "You are the light in the chaos, guiding me, saving me from myself. Each stroke is like your touch, soft but powerful, keeping me safe, lifting me higher. It is a tribute to you, my protector, my guiding star. My love, my guardian angel." He mumbles, and you break.
Tears begin rolling down your cheeks and you bury your face into his neck, making him laugh, his hands smearing paint up and down the back of your gown as he tries to comfort you. "You need not be saved from yourself, Benedict." You whisper after a moment, pulling back and wiping your eyes. "My God, if only you could see yourself as beautifully as I see you." You whisper, pulling him up into a sitting position. "Y/n... I have only ever needed saving from myself." He slurs, though even through his inebriation you can sense the deep sadness that lingers somewhere deep within his soul.
"You are the most remarkable man I have ever known, and I am utterly captivated by every part of you—your brilliance, your kindness, your passion. To me, you are perfect, even in your moments of doubt and struggle." You whisper, cupping his cheeks. "You are my world, and I am here to stand by you through every storm." You vow, brushing away the tears that have spilled down his cheeks with your thumbs.
"My Y/n." He whispers, pressing his forehead to yours as he sniffles. "My Benedict." You return, sitting on his lap as his arms encircle your waist. You shift his head into the crook of your neck and allow him to cry for a moment, rocking him side to side as he does. He rarely ever shows this kind of emotion. In a way it is comforting, to know that the man you married still feels just as intensely as he did when you were first wed. You press a kiss to his head and he nuzzles your neck.
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You sit with him on the floor of his studio for about an hour, and when he finally calms down you help him to the master bedroom. He falls back on the bed without even a sound of protest, moving his arms so you can help him undress. You grin and bend down, pressing a kiss to his cheek as you unbutton his shirt. Once it is off, you move onto his trousers. Then, when he is completely bare, you tuck his already sleeping form into bed.
You walk into the closet, laying his paint-stained clothes out on the chair for the maids to collect in the morning before changing into a nightgown yourself. Once you are ready for bed, you crawl in next to your husband, combing your fingers through his hair and watching as he smiles in his sleep. You wish that he will remember every word of what you said in the morning, but the logical part of you knows that he will not. Even so, you shall keep saying the things you did tonight until he believes them. You close your eyes, falling into a slumber right next to him, your fingers still curled into his hair.
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He wakes far before you do at the crack of dawn, a usual occurrence when he has overindulged. He groans, rubbing a hand over his aching forehead. He cannot remember getting into bed or the events that transpired before he did, though he remembers bits and pieces. The image of the deep blue gown you came home wearing, the way your hair fell around your shoulders when he ran his hands through it, the sparkle of tears in your eyes...
He sighs, sitting up and running a hand through his hair, his eyes immediately drifting over to your sleeping figure. He grins at the image before him. You look like an angel, sleeping on your stomach with your hair sprawled against your back and your lips parted ever so slightly. His grin only widens when you let out a soft sigh in your sleep, your eyebrows furrowing. He hums as he bends down, kissing down the notches of your spine.
You wake at the tingly feeling it sends through your body, grinning at the warmth that blooms in your chest. "Good morning." He murmurs from above you, brushing your hair out of your face just as you open your eyes. "Good morning." You whisper back, your hand coming up to rest over his. He looks heavenly, the morning light from the windows behind him making him look like a God. "You are positively beautiful in the morning, Ben." You hum as you stretch out, and he laughs. "No more beautiful than you, my heart." He returns, taking you into his arms and pulling you up to a sitting position.
You smile as he sits you in his lap, your arms settling loosely around his neck. "Do you remember anything about last night?" You murmur and he shakes his head, stroking your hair. "Just bits and pieces, I suppose." He hums, yawning as you press a kiss to his forehead. "You made a beautiful painting and then made me cry with your explanation." You smile and he laughs, brushing his nose against yours. "I am happy to know that my poetic tendencies do not fade when I am intoxicated." He grins and you giggle. "If anything they only grow stronger." You return, closing your eyes as the two of you lean on each other.
After a moment of comfortable silence, you decide to bring up the second part of last night. "You also expressed some insecurities, Ben. Like you always do." You whisper as you open your eyes. His eyes meet yours and he sighs, pulling back to rest his chin upon your head. "You need not worry about me, my love" He murmurs and you shake your head, pulling back and cupping your cheeks. "I do need to worry about you, Benedict. You are my husband. The man I am so hopelessly enamored with, the man I adore even when he is mumbling gibberish on the floor of his studio." You whisper.
He averts his gaze to your lap, playing with your fingers. "I said something foolish when I was intoxicated, Y/n. It is truly not worrisome. I do it often." He mumbles. "You said you needed saving from yourself, that is incredibly worrisome." You whisper and he sighs, looking up at you. "What if I am not enough?" He asks suddenly, and your eyes widen. "Whatever do you mean?" You breathe and he shrugs. "Just that. What if I am not enough, for you? What if you wake up one day and realize that I am a man with no purpose who creates silly paintings in his studio all day?" He asks.
"Benedict. You mustn't say that." You whisper, getting teary. When he begins to speak, you shake your head bringing him closer. "When I look at you, I see a man of incredible talent, passion, and depth. Your paintings are not silly; they are a reflection of your soul, a testament to your creativity and the beauty you see in the world. Each brushstroke is a piece of your heart, and I am in awe of the masterpieces you create. Every single one." You whisper, running your thumb along his cheekbone. He gives you a wobbly smile as he tries not to cry.
"But beyond your art, it is you—your kindness, your compassion, your strength, and your gentle spirit—that I cherish most. You give my life meaning and fill my days with joy and love. Your presence is a gift, and I am eternally grateful for every moment we share. I adore you more than any star in the sky. My love, you mustn't doubt that my love for you will never ebb." You continue and he smiles through tears as you pepper his face with kisses. You stay like that for a while, his forehead resting against your shoulder as you let him cry.
"It seems I married a woman who is just as poetic as I." He whispers after a long while, making you burst out in laughter. He pulls back with a crooked grin, peppering your face with kisses now. "My love, my light...." He whispers.
"How I adore you, my guardian angel." He murmurs.
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honeipie · 3 days
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THE WIFE
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izuku midoryia x reader
synopsis: you’ve been asked to do an interview after your husbands cute little story blew up. now it’s your turn to express your love for him
authors note: to the anon who did the ask i am SO SORRY. i posted it by accident then fucking deleted it in a panic.. don’t worry though i got the gist of it! for the people who don't know it was getting the reader's POV of how they fell in love with izuku as well. also sorry if i went a little off track. i js wanted to give reader a lil opinion and personality ☺️
you can find part one here
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this was out of your comfort zone.
you sat in a plush chair across from a woman who was currently fiddling with the microphones. your husband izuku had done an interview with a popular podcast about a month ago. it wasn’t only popular because he was the number one hero. there was a charm to the episode that others couldn’t fake. the way he talked about you as if you showed him colors for the first time. everyone loved it.
now people really wanted to get into the lives of the midoryia’s, which included you. about a week ago you had gotten an offer to be on another podcast. you made sure to check out some of her work before you leaped into it.
the host's name was aiya, and she was absolutely amazing. not only were you laughing with the one episode you did listen to, but so did izuku since he was kind enough to watch with you.
"are you ready mrs. midoryia?" aiya asked going to put on the headphones. taking your own set of headphones, you placed them on as well.
"i am! plus you can just call me y/n. i really don't mind"
"thanks for letting me know," she clicked a button on her computer which started the camera up "hello everyone! it's aiya here! on this special episode we have the wonderful, and very lovely y/n midoryia in the building"
you gave a shy smile and waved to the camera "hello everyone!" you faced the aiya letting her smile ease your tensions "i just wanted to say thank you before we start. not only for inviting me on your podcast, but just being so respectful and kind as well"
aiya nodded placing both hands over her heart "you're just too kind! but girl you don't have to thank me for doing the bare minimum"
"no i really do have to. because there are a lot of other people out here that i've talked to and are not as professional and sweet like you. it's really crazy" you shook your head when you heard yourself start to get off topic "i'm sorry i don't want to control this whole interview. i think i got the rambling from my husband through the years"
both you and aiya laughed at your statement.
"don't worry about it! this is not a place where i will every cut you off from rambling, seriously. plus i want to get into some of that as well. what is your experience with the whole ‘being a wife of the number one hero’ thing? like you said before people can be unusually cruel to you for absolutely no reason"
you scoffed dramatically making aiya laugh.
"so when people ask me this in person, which has never happened ever" you made direct eye contact with the camera before turning back. this had aiya laughing more now than before "being married to izuku is great, but being married to deku can be.. iffy on my end. does that make sense?”
"yes and no"
"okay so what i mean is that being deku's wife is stressful. not only because of the major backlash that i get from the internet, tabloids, and gossip shows, but also because of my safety. the backlash is something that doesn't go away but gets easier as time goes on. for me it was easier to just laugh at how stupid they are. like one article called me fat, cool, but then another one from the same company called me pile of bones skinny" you tilted you head slapping one hand down on your thigh "now you just look fucking stupid because you can't pick one and clearly can't run a business. cause like how didn't you know that both of these articles were coming out?" you shook your head "they piss me off more than make me upset"
aiya listened carefully letting you go on with your rant.
"but when i say i love being izuku’s wife i really mean it. i love that man more than i love anyone else. i love the way he looks when he wakes up in the morning. i love the way he gets excited every time we see cows when we're driving. he is who i was meant to be with and i believe that with my whole heart. i see deku and izuku as two totally different people because i get to see it from both perspectives. i can understand how some people might not understand where i’m coming from with this and that’s okay. this is just how i’ve been able to express the way i feel about the whole situation”
“wow.. thank you so much for sharing your point of view on things. i hope this really opens the eyes to some of the haters out there”
“ugh me too” you played with the ring on your finger “i feel bad now. when this episode airs i can just imagine what he’s gonna say, ‘oh so my episode was me spewing my undying love for you and all i get is i hate my husband?’”
the two of you laughed thinking about it.
“no, but we’ve seriously talked about it before and he understands where i’m coming from. i love that he’s so understanding about everything”
“speaking of love,” aiya pulled out a piece of paper coming from her lap “we’ve got questions”
you clapped your hands together excitedly.
“oh! hit me”
“okay so of course deku did a podcast episode where he made all of us singles jealous by describing the moment he fell in love with you. so now people are wondering what was the moment you fell in love with him?”
you had been preparing for this question ever since you read the email.
“i actually fell in love with izuku pretty early in our relationship. maybe like a month in? i’ve honestly had a crush on him since year one, but we never got the chance to interact.”
it was early off in your third year when you had come down with a bad fever. the only reason you could assume the sickness took over you was because everyone had just moved back into the dorms. bringing whatever kind of diseases they wanted back.
“hi izuku”
the phone was placed on the pillow beside your head. you didn’t have enough energy to hold it up. hell, you’re surprised you even had enough energy to accept the call. everything on your body was just hot. they only thing you felt you needed was a cold compress on your forehead, but getting up just wasn’t an option at the moment.
“y/n you’re making me worried. are you sure you don’t need recovery girl?”
“i should be okay,” you stopped in the middle of your sentence to take in a long breath “plus i don’t think she could help with what i have anyway”
izuku was slipping on his training uniform as he was talking to you. he didn’t know if you could hear yourself, or if you even cared, but he could probably picture what you looked like. comforter thrown to the floor. medicine bottles scattered on your dresser and not knowing which one to choose.
“are you sure you don’t need anything?”
“i should be fine izu. just focus on- on training for the festival. bye now”
izuku had wanted to get a couple more sentences in to ease his anxiety, but you quickly hung up the phone without a second thought.
once you found yourself a semi-comfortable position you took the chance of drifting off to sleep.
the nap lasted about thirty minutes before you woke up to the feeling of a cold compress being laid onto your forehead. slowly, your eyes opened to reveal your boyfriend making sure it was in the right spot.
“izu” you mumbled going to sit up but he placed his hands on your shoulders laying you back down.
“nope, you’re resting”
he still had his training uniform on from the time you had called him.
“but you shouldn’t be here. you should be training”
the newfound coolness on your forehead felt amazing, and part of you wished he had came sooner.
“i can take a day or two off. it’s fine”
you shook your head gently.
“i don’t want you to miss it because of me”
“y/n are you me?”
“no”
“are you my teacher?”
“no, but-“
“then don’t worry about it. your health means more to me than training. i’ve been working hard for the past two years, so if i have to take a day or two off to take care of my girlfriend then i’m jumping at the opportunity”
it was right then and there you felt some of the weight lift of your shoulders. this felt like confirmation of what you had assumed you were feeling from the moment you first saw him.
you loved him.
you loved him so, so much.
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taglist! @sagejin 🫶🏾
lmk if you’d like to be added
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roosterforme · 21 hours
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Covering the Classics Part 13 | Bob Floyd x OC
Summary: Confronting Kevin in California should have made Anna feel like she had the advantage, but nothing with him ever went to plan. As soon as Bob encounters Anna's husband for himself, he knows something isn't quite right.
Warnings: Angst, Kevin is a dick, bruises on Anna's arm, adult language, 18+
Length: 4300 words
Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Female OC (this story is part of the Beer Boy/Sugar and Jake/Jessica universe)
Covering the Classics masterlist. Check my masterlist for more!
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"Did you delete her number yet?" Nat asked as she lifted her helmet and Bob's off of the shelf in the hangar where their gear was stored when they weren't flying. "Or are you trying to prolong the pain like some sort of sadistic artist?"
Bob flinched at her words, because she hit a little too close to home for his liking. It wasn't that he wanted to be missing Anna like this, but he had been writing a lot of poetry about her. He couldn't help himself. He hadn't posted any since the one about his bookshelf, but that didn't mean his computer wasn't full of it.
"I'm not trying to prolong the pain," he told his friend with a grimace. "I don't know what I'm doing."
She shoved his helmet down onto his head and told him, "I know she threw you for a loop, but either delete her number or give her another chance. Don't sit in this annoying gray area. I don't know why you guys insist on doing that shit. I tried for ten years to get Bradley to contact his wife, but he just flounced around in the gray area like an idiot instead. Don't be like him," she said firmly, pointing to where Bradley was looking down at his phone with a dopey smile on his face. He was almost definitely texting his wife if he looked like that.
Bob sighed. "Nat, I don't know if she wants me to give her another chance right now. She said she's going to deal with her husband, but I think she needs time."
Nat rolled her eyes and held her hands up in the air. "Why don't you," she said, waving her fingers like she was performing magic, "talk to her again?!"
Bob pulled his helmet off again, saying, "What would you suggest I say? She already knows I've had feelings for her for months. There's just a point where it becomes too much."
"You could tell her that even though it blew up in your face, she's the best lay of your life." Bob immediately wished he hadn't told her that. "Or that you'll still be around after she figures her shit out. I think the ball is in your court."
He was still blushing furiously and nowhere closer to knowing what he should be doing when they all got called to the tower, but he did smile when Nat snapped at Bradley to put his phone away. She probably needed to get laid more than Bob ever did.
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The bus ride from San Diego to Carlsbad shouldn't take an hour and a half when it would take barely forty minutes to drive yourself. Not for the first time, Anna wished she had a car in California. That way she could get to Kevin faster. Kevin. Fucking Kevin. The man who was the reason she didn't have a car in California.
She needed to stay calm. If she could catch him while his guard was down and convince him to just sign the paperwork, she would be golden. But every time she thought about seeing his face, she started to panic. She had seen nothing except kind faces for months. The faces of her friends. The faces of her students. Bob's beautiful blue eyes always seemed to look at her with a smile behind them. Even now, after she met up with him for a little bit at the bookstore, his eyes were kind.
Her hands shook slightly. She needed to deal with Kevin so she could move on and never have to see him again. Then she could work on getting back to the people who didn't look at her like she was worthless. When the bus finally fought its way through traffic and made a stop near the hotel where the conference was being held, she sprinted down the steps and up the block. She had already memorized the map and knew she needed to find the grand ballroom, but when she got to the upscale hotel, she was sweaty and panting for breath, and even the doorman was looking at her skeptically as she slipped inside.
The lobby was crowded enough that she padded her way across the marble floor in her beat up sneakers, blending in well enough with the others. Signs for the National Neurological Physicians Association conference were plastered all over the place, and she had to keep from rolling her eyes. It was laughable that physicians from all over would come here to listen to Kevin blathering on and on about his specialty area of study. But when Anna paused to really think about it for a second, something close to cold fury started flowing through her veins, because she was the one who paid for that for him. She was the reason he was a speaker at this massive conference in the first place.
With renewed purpose, she picked up her pace and turned right past the elevator bank, following the signs that led her toward several people in monogrammed lab coats. The ballroom was in sight, and she was ready to push through the double doors when one of the men in a lab coat popped up in front of her. 
"Not so fast," he said, a forced smile plastered on his face. "You're late for the introductory speakers, and you haven't signed in yet."
"Oh," she said, scrambling to push her bag up on her shoulder. "Right." When he gestured toward a long table with some unclaimed name badges and information booklets, Anna's heart skipped a beat. She took a step closer, praying nobody would ask her for any sort of identification, and reached for the badge that said Dr. Angela Harmon, MD. She clipped it onto her shirt, realizing she was terribly under dressed to even try to pull this off, and then she picked up the booklet with Dr. Harmon's name on it as well. "Is this all I need?" she asked, tapping the name badge and praying this random woman didn't decide to show up right now.
With a nod, the man said, "Please try to find a seat at the back to keep disruption to a minimum. I believe Dr. Webber is still speaking, and you know how excited we all are to have him here."
Anna had to bite down on the inside of her cheek and take a deep breath before she could say, "So excited," through clenched teeth. "I wouldn't dream of being disruptive."
"Of course not," he agreed, finally smiling kindly. "Enjoy the conference, Dr. Harmon."
Carefully and as quietly as she could, Anna entered the ballroom to find hundreds of people sitting in rows of chairs listening to her worthless husband giving a presentation in a three piece suit. 
"But we already know recent attempts to update computational axial tomography are largely like someone trying to reinvent the wheel," he said with a charming smile, and the room hummed with amused laughter like everyone was in on some sort of inside joke. Anna's skin crawled as she carefully took a seat in the last row, praying Kevin hadn't seen her yet. If he was this well known and well regarded in his field, then he didn't need money from her manuscript. He was simply holding onto it to be an ass.
She had to listen to him for twenty more minutes after that. Nineteen too long in her book. His voice sounded light and carefree, and his smile was handsome and unassuming. Frankly he was putting on some sort of persona, and it was nothing like she was used to. But it wasn't until he started on a short presentation that Anna's attention was piqued, because it was then that she saw he was using the laptop that they used to share. The one she used to type up her book.
A soft sound escaped her as she stared longingly at it, wondering if her work was still there. He slammed the computer shut, and she was jolted back to reality as he said, "Once again, thank you all for being here for the next week. We have so many groundbreaking topics to learn about and some of the most renowned research physicians in the country sharing their expertise with us. Let's take a quick break and then dive right into new MRI techniques with Dr. Nunez."
There was an immediate round of applause, and Anna jumped to her feet, heart pounding so hard, it was making her nauseous. When she headed toward his cocky, smiling face, she realized Kevin was already surrounded by colleagues, shaking hands and laughing. And that was when he spotted her. They'd been on the phone just a handful of hours ago, but he looked shocked to see her here. She watched his sharp, gray eyes narrow in on her with a spiteful glare before he smoothed out his features into something neutral. And that's when she came to terms with the fact that he would know she was living in southern California. That's when she knew she needed to make this work.
"Anna," he said with absolutely no emotion as she cut in front of the person he was talking to. "What are you doing here?"
She swallowed hard, imagining Bob and her two friends were with her, urging her on, cheering for her to fix this. "I have something for you to sign," she told him as her voice shook. She took a step closer as she reached into her bag to pull out the folded paperwork and a pen.
"No," he practically growled under his breath, trying not to draw more attention to himself. "Why are you doing this here? I'm a little busy."
Anna wanted to laugh in his face. She was a little busy trying to get on with her stupid life, but that didn't stop him from disrupting her mission every day. "Just sign the divorce papers, Kevin," she demanded, but she sounded like a child even to her own ears. His eyes flashed with so much anger, she could barely breathe with him this close to her. He was built similarly to Bob, which was a frightening realization. Where Kevin always used his size as an intimidation tactic, Bob had never done that to her. She always felt safe around him. Right now she felt very unsafe around Kevin, even though they were literally in the midst of a crowd of people.
"Just sign it," she whispered, trying to push the document into his solid chest. It was unbelievable that at one time, she was in love with this man. It was crazy to think about how he used to tell her he loved her too. "Please, Kevin." He looked so angry right now, and Anna felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up in fear as the people behind her started whispering.
"Who is this woman? That's not Alyssa."
"Did she say divorce? Isn't he married to that other physician? The pregnant one?"
So Alyssa was pregnant. And nobody here even knew about Anna. It was like she didn't even exist. Like she had never existed to her husband. A mortifying little sob bubbled free from the back of her throat, and she looked up at Kevin as he said, "Let's take a little walk."
His hand closed around her bicep, and Anna wanted to yelp as he pulled her up onto the stage, past the podium, where nobody else would be able to hear them. The laptop was right there, and she considered trying to take it, but she'd never make it out of the hotel let alone back to her apartment with it. Instead she tripped along next to him until he had her where he wanted her.
"Are you out of your fucking mind?" he snarled. "Were you always this stupid? Or have you gotten worse?"
"Come on, Kevin," she pleaded, and he finally released her throbbing arm. "You don't need it. Look how well you're doing. You don't need my book."
He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair as if he was trying his hardest to keep his composure. "You think you can come here and embarrass me in front of my peers? Mentioning our marriage like we still have one when you moved away?"
Her fist clenched at her side. "Our marriage didn't fall apart because I left," she hissed under her breath. "It fell apart because of you. And now your mistress is pregnant?"
Kevin sighed. "I understand that you're jealous, Anna. I really do, but I'm not signing anything for you."
She clenched and unclenched her fist. The desire to punch him in the face was so strong as her other hand shook with the papers grasped between her fingers. She was far from jealous, and he knew it. He wanted to get a rise out of her because he felt cornered. "I don't care what these people think about me," she whispered. "But you do. So just sign it."
He stood before her, tall and broad with his jaw set as he said, "There is no way in hell you have what it takes to intimidate me. Now get the fuck out of here, or I will have security remove you from the hotel for disrupting the conference."
She knew she didn't have any other choice. If she somehow got herself in trouble for being here, she didn't have the money to spend on more legal help. So she took a step backwards just as Kevin's hand flew up to pull the name badge from her shirt. "And you're obviously not Dr. Harmon. She has enormous tits, and I fucked her last year in Toronto. Now go." 
Twenty minutes later, Anna was back on the bus heading south toward San Diego, empty handed with tears in her eyes and a bruised arm.
-----------------------------
"What happened to your pretty girlfriend?"
Bob looked up from his phone as he walked up his porch steps after a long run on Monday evening. He hadn't been sleeping well, debating reaching out to Anna again, and he was hoping the run would tire him out. But he should have known Suzanne would have her door open and her game shows blaring at this hour.
"Hi, Suzanne," he said, wishing he could just duck inside his own place without having to chat with her.
"I haven't seen her again in weeks."
Bob sighed and tipped his head back. "She's not my girlfriend. She never was."
"Not with that attitude," his neighbor mused under her breath.
"You have a good night, Suzanne." Bob swatted Sylvester away from his front door before heading inside and up to take a shower. He thought about Anna as he ran his soapy hands along his body. He tried not to, but she was on his mind a lot. When he climbed into bed, his skin felt too hot. He opened the window to let the late fall air in, but it did nothing to help him. He wanted to see her, even just to make sure she was still okay.
He reached for his phone, typed up a text, and then deleted it. "You sound so desperate for her," he groaned, trying again. But again he had to delete it rather than send it. Finally he settled on something simple.
Hey, I've been craving some peanuts from Chippy's. Feel like joining me for a bit tomorrow?
It sounded neutral enough. If she said no, he'd ask Jessica to make sure the ladies were checking in on her. If she said yes, then Bob could see with his own eyes if she was okay. He would also get to see with his own eyes how fucking beautiful she was, but that didn't matter as much, honestly.
He was just slipping into a daydream where Anna's husband divorced her tomorrow and never left the state of New Jersey again when his phone vibrated on his nightstand.
Anna Webber: Peanuts from Chippy's sound heavenly right now. I would love to join you for a little bit.
He exhaled as the cooler air finally met his skin, and he pulled his sheet over himself after he promised to meet her there.
----------------------------
Before she went down to the quad with her lunch bag, Anna adjusted her cardigan. She knew her sleeve was covering his bruised arm, but she felt naked all morning during her lectures anyway. She felt like her skin and the inside of her brain were on full display for everyone. She wondered when Alyssa was due. She wondered if Kevin slept with Dr. Harmon when he was in Toronto last June or last October. Perhaps both. She wondered how someone who was so full of shit could keep coming out ahead of her.
"Anna!"
At least her friends were still faithfully waiting for her at the weird looking tree. And at least Bob was making it a point to let her know she was welcome around him. She could hardly wait to go to Chippy's later. 
"Hi," she said, plopping down in between them on the bench, adjusting her sleeve one more time before pulling her sad sandwich out. "What's new in the world of science and mathematics?"
Almost immediately, she had a container of veggies and a homemade ranch dip in her hand while her friend told her about a fascinating math conference she wanted to go to next year in Philadelphia. Apparently the dates were just announced, and you had to be someone important to even get an invitation. Anna loved that her friend already knew she was going to go, but it made her dwell on Kevin and his conference which was still going on in Carlsbad.
"Oh!" Jessica said as she poured some potato chips on her already delectable looking sandwich. "Jake and I are going to Cabo next month! A much needed break after the term ends."
"I love that for you," Anna told her, feeling jealous in spite of herself. And that made her feel even sadder. She almost winced when her other friend wrapped her arm around her, inadvertently mashing her hand against the bruise from Kevin.
"Don't worry. Bradley and I aren't going anywhere for term break. I wanted to, but his favorite Grateful Dead cover band is playing right here in San Diego on New Year's Eve, and he absolutely can't miss it. That would be a crime." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm which made Anna laugh. "How's your week going?" she asked cautiously. 
Anna wanted to tell them all about going to the conference at the hotel. She wanted to tell them that she saw Kevin and left with less than nothing. She would tell them, but not right now when she only had a little bit of time before she had to give her Classics lecture. She didn't want to run the risk of arriving to the lecture hall with tears in her eyes. 
Instead she softly said, "I'm going to see Bob later. Just a quick visit to Chippy's for some peanuts."
Jessica was instantly vibrating with excitement. "That's great. I think you and he will have fun!"
"We will," Anna confirmed. Even though it was a little awkward, she'd had a nice time with him at the bookstore. She always did. Because he was kind and sweet and literally the opposite of everything that Kevin turned out to be. She just wished there was some reality in which she could feel his arms around her again. "We will."
The end of lunch came way more quickly than she wanted it to, and Anna found herself mentally regrouping to try to find another way to get her manuscript. She taught her last two lectures and graded a handful of essays, counting down the minutes until she could see Bob again. His blue eyes would be soft when he looked at her, and his words would be enough to make her feel better even if they only engaged in some small talk.
When she only had thirty minutes until she was supposed to meet him, she printed off sixty copies of the quiz she would need for tomorrow afternoon. Anna locked her office door behind her as she headed down to the teacher's lounge to retrieve the quizzes before someone moved them, never to be seen again. She learned her lesson after last time that if you didn't grab them right away, there was a good chance they'd end up in the trash. Then she would drop them off before going to meet Bob.
----------------------------
Since he was running early, Bob decided to just head to Anna's office and meet her there. He'd been so antsy to see her, he showered and dressed in his favorite jeans and tee shirt in record time after work. Even though he'd only been in this one academic building one time, he remembered exactly how to get to her office. Having an outstanding sense of direction just came with the territory for a WSO, but her hallway also smelled like fresh baked bread.
When he rounded the last corner, Bob skidded to a halt and ducked back behind the wall. There was a man about his age who was vigorously jiggling Anna's doorknob. "Anna. Open the door so we can talk," he said calmly even as he pushed his fingers through his hair in exasperation. Bob didn't know who he was, but he had a bad feeling, and that's when the man turned his head and spotted him.
Bob squared his shoulders to try to match the other man's height as he rounded the corner completely and asked, "Are you looking for Dr. Webber?"
The other man appraised him with cool gray eyes and smirked. "Let me guess. You're sleeping with her?"
Bob's heart lurched into his stomach as the color drained from his face. He knew this had to be Kevin. He knew it without confirmation, and now he didn't know how the hell he was supposed to respond. So he simply kept his mouth shut while the other man took a step in his direction.
"She really likes to act so high and mighty. Very hypocritical in this scenario," he muttered, making Bob's skin crawl. "I can't believe her."
Bob swallowed hard, trying to figure out why Anna agreed to go to Chippy's today if she knew Kevin was in San Diego. All he knew about was what she'd told him when she came to his house. Bob didn't think he should divulge too much to this man, so he simply asked, "What do you want from her?"
The answer was swift and felt like a punch to the gut. "She's my wife, and she's coming back to New Jersey with me where I can keep track of her. She doesn't belong here, and she needs to stop lying. So why don't you tell me what you want from her?"
His nostrils flared as his fingers curled into fists, and Bob had to take a few deep breaths before he said, "I just wanted to make sure she's okay."
Kevin crossed his arms over his chest and said, "She's nothing you need to be concerned about."
The uneasy feeling that started to fill him up spread through his whole body now, and Bob took a step backwards. Maybe Anna was already at Chippy's. Maybe she didn't know Kevin was here at all. He backtracked his way through the building as he started to panic. What if she did know he was here? What if she had played Bob and everyone else the whole time?
He would check for her at Chippy's. He made it all the way across the quad to a weird looking tree that was growing sideways when he froze again. It just didn't make sense. Anna said she hated Kevin and never wanted to go back to New Jersey, and Bob had no reason to believe someone else over her.
He started calling her phone, torn as to which direction he should head. Back up to her office? To Chippy's where they were supposed to meet up? She didn't answer. He started toward the bar, covering the few blocks at a brisk pace as he tried to call her again. He walked back and forth across that sticky floor through the clusters of students enjoying an after class drink before he was satisfied that she wasn't there. 
"Damn it, Anna. Answer your phone," he muttered as he ran back to her building and up to her office. The building was virtually empty at this hour, and now there was nobody in the hallway at all. He knocked on her door and called out her name, but he was met with silence. The kind of silence that just didn't feel right.
He felt like he was going crazy, running in circles both metaphorically and physically for this woman, and when he finally reached his truck, he had to wipe the sweat from his brow. Her apartment wasn't far from campus, and he didn't know where else to even look at this point. When he got there, he parked and tried to call her one more time before someone else who lived in the building simply held the door open for him.
"Thanks," he muttered, heading for the stairwell and taking the steps two at a time until he reached Anna's floor. And then her apartment. What he heard coming from inside made him want to rip the door from the hinges.
--------------------------
I hate Kevin. Hate. Him. I'm sorry, but he's still going to get worse. Just remember that Bob is a sweet cinnamon bun. Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls
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whowantslovergirl · 15 hours
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Casual
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Paige Bueckers x reader (reader is female with she/her pronouns)
warnings: angst, italics are flashbacks, no happy ending, loosely based on a true story 🤣, paige is SUPER clueless,suggestive but no smut so tht one part will not be in this story, cursing, again paige is kinda mean in this, NOT ASSUMING HER SEXUALITY THIS IS PURELY FOR THE STORY gonna make a new masterlist once there’s more stories 😫
Summary: Y/n knew what her and Paige had but she never wanted that and Paige just wanted this casual
posted: May 30,2024
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This has been going on for months. Ever since I hooked up with Paige we had this little thing going on. Then I did the one thing you shouldn’t, catch feelings. Technically it’s not my fault she shouldn’t be acting like a girlfriend, giving me gifts, taking me on surprise dates and even saying ‘I love you.’ I mean my friends call me a loser 'cause I'm still hanging around. Which is completely understandable it’s been like six months and she hasn’t asked me to be her girlfriend.
______
“Oh that’s Paige’s girl.”
“Yea Paige is dating that chick over there.”
“I heard they’re not even together yet.”
Every single day. I walk around campus and I hear the same thing. “That’s Paige’s girl.” Like my name is Y/n.
Then you heard someone say.
“Paige said she’s just fucking her nothing more nothing less.”
What the hell. I've heard so many rumors that I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch but I never believed it was true. You texted Paige saying you’re coming over and she said okay see you soon.
______
“Why would you say shit like that?!” This always happens we always get into an argument about something she said or something I did. It’s like a routine.
“Well are we not just fucking Y/n?!” Paige yelled back. Then you started to tear up. “Well I- I thought you thought of me better, you know like someone you couldn't lose or something.”
She shook her head and took my hands in hers. “I don’t know what you wanna hear Y/n.”
"We're not together"
Well that hurt. “Yea I know Paige. It just hurts that you see me like that.”
“I don’t but- but I do love you. You know that right?” I nodded and leaned forward. “I love you too Paige.” She smiled and connected our lips.
So now when we kiss, I have anger issues.
_____
“Baby, no attachment”
Those three words make me madder than I ever been in my life. I should leave but to be honest I don’t want too. I mean I always had a crush on Paige and when something finally happened I never been so happy. But at the same time.
Is it casual now?
I remember when we just started messing around and in two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach.
Is it casual now?
______
I know what you tell your friends
“So what’s going on with you and Y/n.” Azzi asked. They were always curious about your… relationship? So they always asked you or Paige what’s going on. Paige shrugged.
“It's casual.”
They didn’t say anything just nodded when they know damn well what Paige and Y/n have is not casual.
_____
Dumb love, I love being stupid.
Sometimes I like to dream of us in a year. You know maybe we'd have an apartment.
And you'd show me off to your friends at the pier.
I walked into our apartment and Paige is already coming up to me giving me hugs and kisses.
“Hey baby how was work?” You shook your head. “Stressful but you know it happens.”
_____
“Come on! They’ll love you I promise.” Paige was showing you off to her new team. “Y/n!”
“Y/n!” I see my friend waving her hand in my face.
Well shit.
______
Paige and I just finished doing our thing and I was putting my (her) shirt on. “Hey so do you wanna go on a date or something?” Paige asked me and I nodded. Usually we do casual dates so it wouldn’t hurt doing a serious one right?
“Do you wanna go to a restaurant or something.” I saw the panic in her face and she immediately shut that idea down.
“Baby, no attachment.”
I rolled my eyes. “Didn’t know going to a restaurant was being attached.” I got all my stuff and left before she could stay anything.
Who asks to go on date then talk about being attached? Fucking idiot.
Is it casual now?
______
Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach.
You just started your ‘relationship’ with Paige Bueckers. Two weeks in and her mom is asking you to go on vacation.
Is it casual now?
______
I know what you tell your friends.
“And she just stormed off like a kid bro. Just because I didn’t wanna go to a restaurant.” Paige was telling Azzi about your recent argument. Azzi just looked at her. “What?” Paige asked.
“Well what did you say for her to storm off P?” She shrugged. “I told her she shouldn’t get attached.” She said looking down and mumbling. Azzi looked at her again. “How is wanting to go to a restaurant being attached?”
“She said the same thing! Look, it's casual going to a restaurant is what couples do and we are not a couple.”
“Maybe she doesn’t wanna be casual Paige.”
And that’s what scared her.
______
It's hard being casual
When my favorite bra lives in your dresser
I was getting ready to go out with some friends and was looking for the bra that makes my boobs look big then I remembered that it’s probably at Paige’s which is not good because we are currently not talking.
Whatever I need my bra back.
______
“What are you doing here?” Fuck why does she have to look so hot. “Don’t cream your pants I need my bra.” She just moves out of the way.
I got my bra and was trying to leave but Paige grabbed my arm. “So where are you going dressed like that?” Is she serious?
“I’m going out with friends.” She nodded. “I miss you Y/n.”
“Ok” and you left.
And it's hard being casual
______
“Im so tired of this shit Paige!”
You’re finally confronting Paige about this thing you have going on due to your friends hyping you up.
“Tell her you’re over this shit Y/n!”
“It’s been too long for her not to do shit.”
“Tired of what Y/n?!”
“You! This has been going on for months. Almost a year and you still think this is a casual thing?!”
“If it bothered you so much why didn’t you say anything?!”
“Because Paige I try to be the chill girl that holds her tongue and gives you space.”
Before she could say anything you cut her off.
“I try to be the chill girl but honestly, I'm not.” You started to tear up and she noticed but didn’t say or do anything.
“Well I didn’t want to lead you on-.”
“But you did Paige.”
“Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her Long Beach house and you don’t think that’s leading someone on.”
“And I know what you tell your friends. You probably told them it’s casual right?” She looked down avoiding all possible eye contact. “What we have is not casual Paige and you know that.”
“You knew what this was Y/n. And what we have is casual or so I thought!”
You rolled your eyes. “Oh please I fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner and you told me you loved me. That’s not what casual is!”
She ran her hands over her face knowing you were right.
Your parents at the table, you wonder why I'm bitter
You’re at dinner with Paige’s parents and before you got here. We got into a huge argument about… honestly I don’t remember but I do know that it was her fault and I’m mad at her. You had been a little rude to her parents but they know you didn’t mean it.
After a while Paige pulled me to the bathroom obviously fed up.
“What the hell bro. I get you’re mad at me but don’t take it out on my parents.” You didn’t say anything and just went back to the table.
“I just want to say sorry for the way I acted today.” They assured you that it’s okay and they know you mean no harm.
Paige wondered why you were being so bitter.
But she didn’t do anything to fix it.
Bragging to your friends
“Yea we’re like doing this thing and like I’m so happy I did it!” Then Paige went on and on and on about you basically bragging. The team was obviously not going along with that, shutting it down immediately.
I hate that I let this drag on so long, now I hate myself
“Hate that I let this drag on so long, you can go to hell!!”
You pushed her out the door and slammed it in her face.
Note to self: never be in a ‘casual’ relationship.
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An: ENJOYYYYY MY LOVERS 🤍🤍🤍 but definitely making a wbb masterlist maybe emily engstlers next who knows…
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rockybloo · 2 days
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Getting people interested in your OCs takes a LOT of time. So creating OCs for the sole purpose of getting people interested in them is def draining af and I get why people get frustrated and sometimes just give up completely.
I have been drawing original characters since I could hold a pencil because I love making my own beings I can just do whatever I want with. And I've been posting my OCs since the early 2010s (I had been drawing original characters earlier but it wasn't until I got into middle school that I began posting my art online).
The biggest reason I've been going so long just drawing them, with only sprinkles of fan art in between ever blue moon, is because I genuinely enjoy my characters. I've had an active imagination since forever so I enjoyed imagining them in scenarios and sometimes drawing said things.
I would say, with my full chest, that I didn't really reach any flavor of "popularity" until 2022 which is when I came up with Glitter and Guilt. And I am fairly certain that is where a GOOD chunk of people came from since...I mean who can resist magical girls?
I had been drawing my number 1 favorite baby, Beanstalked, since highschool but, unfortunately, I spent most of that time posting it on a sperate blog from this one and only am I recently sharing art for it here.
I think the only other big source of other people discovering me is from my Red Beans art (Jack x Nana) because prior to 2022, that was like...85% of my art I would make. And while that was on a separate blog as well, I'd at least sometimes reblog it to over here.
Bondwidth also helped a wee bit with getting a couple people interested in me since before Glitter and Guilt showed up, Bondwidth became an active thing I'd post on this blog that kept it alive since, like I said, I had a separate blog for Beanstalked and Red Beans so there was a time long ago where this blog was basically crickets.
I WAS LUCKY TO GET ONE ASK A MONTH TBH
So 2022 was def when I got put on a wider radar thanks to Sweetheart and Bitterbat.
SO YEAH--Getting people to be interested in you OCs is def a time consuming process which is why I say to just keep having fun and blabbering about your characters because in the end, that's the only thing that matters. That you enjoy them.
I couldn't predict when people would flood me because I had been blabbering about my characters for practically 2 decades and I had been a relatively small artist working on a small lil webcomic that I eventually had to reboot because I had a better vision of it.
And then one day I just happened to have designed some OCs people REALLY liked and here we are.
I do get curious about how things would play out if I never made Glitter and Guilt and just kept trucking along with Beanstalked. I would have probably made it to where I am now, given like....an additional 10 years maybe? I dunno how to gauge fairy tale interest--I AM BIASED THO SINCE I LOVE THEM (I get so happy watching walk throughs of little story book forests and Eftling y'all have no idea).
But now I am getting off topic
THE POINT IS
LOVE YOUR OCS AND KEEP DRAWING/WRITING/TALKING ABOUT THEM AND PEOPLE WILL NATURALLY ARRIVE
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black-arcana · 3 days
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LZZY HALE: New HALESTORM Music 'Will Be Worth The Wait'
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During an appearance on the May 23 episode of SiriusXM's "Trunk Nation With Eddie Trunk", HALESTORM frontwoman Lzzy Hale spoke about the progress of the writing and recording sessions for the band's follow-up to 2022's "Back From The Dead" album. She said (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): It's a strange year because instead of us taking three months off to do a record, or 'hey, now we're only focusing on touring' or 'we're only focusing on other avenues,' we're kind of doing everything all at once. So we've had a couple just kind of three-week sessions in the studio, and we're finishing up new music, which has been so exciting. We've been recording with [producer] Dave Cobb, of all people, and he's just amazing and, I think, exactly what the doctor ordered for where we're at in our life. And so we're really excited about new music. But then we're touring all over the States this year because we spent so much time in Europe last year. So, yeah, we kick it off with I PREVAIL in July. And then in the fall, we're going out with EVANESCENCE to Canada, for all the people up there. It's how we live. This is life. We just keep the train rolling down the hill. So it's all very exciting. And I can't wait for you to hear the music, and I can't wait to see everybody this summer at all the festivals. And yeah, we just have a a great year coming up."
Asked how fan along she and the rest of HALESTORM are on the new music, Lzzy said: "This has been an amazing experience because Dave Cobb, he's like half wise old oak and then half A.D.D. five-year-old in the sandbox, which works very well with our little camp in HALESTORM, because we're all perpetually 15 years old anyway. And so it's been a beautiful process.
"We've been doing all the things," she explained. "So I've been writing during our off time, but then also we're writing and recording in the studio, but kind of all at once. So as it's being created, we're getting the final takes. So, half of the record is done, and then there are some things that we have one more session to kind of go in, after our next tour, to kind of just kind of finish everything up, put the icing on the cake, if you will, and make sure we have everything there and then it should be kind of sewn up. But it's been really beautiful because we've been recording, actually, out in Savannah, Georgia. Dave Cobb has a house [there]. And if you can imagine, it's just the four of us staying in one house. No distractions, 'cause it's Savannah, Georgia — they love their tea and they love their food and that's about it. And unsupervised, so there's no managers, there's no crew, no tour and nothing going on. So, in a lot of ways, this record feels like our beginning, when we were all just kind of living with each other in the same apartment and every day is something new, everything is ready to record, ready to go. So whatever you do, as long as you're chasing what gets you excited, it's going to get down on tape. So, it's just been a great experience. And I'm looking forward to the finished product and being able to tease everybody with dates as to when we're gonna unleash it."
Speaking about Cobb's somewhat unorthodox recording approach, Lzzy said: "There've been a couple of songs where we'll have forgotten to put on the click track as a guide, and then that ends up being the take because we were all playing with each other and there was a different energy. Or [Dave] really understands the line between when you're excited about something and it's happening, and then that post, after that line when you're trying too hard to rock, or you're trying too hard to be a singer, or you've memorized it too many times. There's a fine line with performance and getting magic on tape, whereas a lot of people are… I mean, we all do it, but you shoot for perfection. But somewhere, if you're shooting too hard for that perfection, the human element gets lost. And then the magic is lost, or it just sounds like you're reading it, or it sounds like you've played it a million times and you're tired, or you're thinking about something else. So, for a band like us, it's really worked. And it was actually nerve-racking in the beginning because we went in, and you always have your bank of songs you've written or riffs for days and, like, 'Okay, what do we start with? And Dave was very adamant about not having a plan, which was nerve-racking. I'm, like, 'Wait. No, we have to have a plan or it's just gonna be chaos. What's happening? I don't know how to work like this.' And then, after a couple of days, I'm, like, this is actually really nice because every day we just get in the sandbox and we play, and, 'Oh, I brought a LEGO set, you brought a rocket. Let's see what we can do with this.' And so it's been really beautiful to see these things develop and almost the music telling you what to do, not the other way around. I'm so used to going into a studio where it's, 'Okay, we have our 15 songs that we know we want on the record, and we're just gonna do a song a day and get them all done and recorded.' This is completely different because he doesn't want to lose — again — that intangible magic that comes with the excitement of when things are new and you're creating. You don't have time to think; you've just gotta get it done. And so it's been beautiful to kind of. see all of that come together."
Asked if she thinks HALESTORM will release some new music this year or fans will have to wait until 2025 to get something fresh from the band, Lzzy said: "You know what? I've learned this — I can make all the promises in the world. I would love to do that. I'm hoping that we will at least have something to show before the end of the year, but I know how this goes — I end up promising dates, and then something happens and some recall from mastering or something doesn't work out with numbers or with whatever it is. So I'm not making promises, but I will tell you it'll be worth the wait."
HALESTORM is working with Cobb after making three records with Nick Raskulinecz.
Cobb has shared in nine Grammy wins, including four for "Best Americana Album" and three for "Best Country Album". He's also been named "Producer Of The Year" by the Country Music Awards, the Americana Music Association (twice) and the Music Row Awards, and has been a Grammy nominee in the category.
Lzzy and her brother Arejay (drums) formed HALESTORM in 1998 while in middle school. Guitarist Joe Hottinger joined the group in 2003, followed by bassist Josh Smith in 2004.
In May 2023, HALESTORM teamed up with country singer Ashley McBryde for a reimagined version of the band's song "Terrible Things", which was originally featured on HALESTORM's latest album, the aforementioned "Back From The Dead".
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lightleckrereins · 11 months
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Six the musical crowns guide
This is a long overdue post that was requested again recently so here is the crown breakdown. While I tried to include everything there are probably some things I missed and some that appeared only tmporarily so I ended up omiting them. Also whenever I mention spike numbers it is very likely that I am off in some of them as it is hard to get photos of some where the full crown is visible and clear enough to count. And whoever is in the photo is not necessarily the first to wear a style, it is the best picture I have of it at the moment.
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Aragon: It would seem that there are only two versions of this crown (original single band and new double one) but it actually has a few very distinct styles.
The very first one was a double tiered halo looking crown that never made it past very earyl first UK tour press.
1: After that and until the redesign Aragon wore a single headband shaped crown that went down to right above the ear with eight long gold spikes evenly distributed. It was commonly styled with hair strands weaved between the lower spikes.
2-3: The first redesign appeared only on 2020 Broadway previews and features two bands connected at the ends that lay on top of the head and goes slightly down (doesnt reach the ears). This crown had ten short gold spikes in the front band with the final one on the union of the bands and six long gold spikes alternated with five short on the back. The shape and number of spikes has changed a lot since but in general the shorter spikes in front and long and short alternated on the back format remains. The current US crowns have the same format as the original Broadway one but with 13 short spikes on the front band and eight long and seven short spikes on the back. Cruises started with a different style but have now switched to this one.
4-5: There are two versions of the crown in use in the UK. The most common one is the same format as the US crowns with short spikes in the front (16) and alternating size in the back but changes the short spikes on the back band to medium sized ones in the center and small on the sides (9 total and 8 long). The second version has the same format but is narrower (12 small in the front, 6 long and 7 medium/short in the back). This version seems to be used by queens with hairstyles that pull the hair back higher so the gap for the crown is narrower.
6-7: The original cruise crowns have the same format as the original Broadway one but change all the small spikes for medium sized ones. This crowns were worn backwards (long spikes in front) for Breakaway 2.0 and this appears sometimes in other productions. I am pretty sure this style was originated for Bliss 2.0 which had an early version of the costume redesign and made in advance for the cancelled original Breakaway 2.0. Crowns were worn for a few cruises since reopening but now seem to be retired in favor of the usual US style.
8-9: Since the Aragon crowns are gold to match the costume, the alternate crowns are silver. There are three alternate crown versions mirroring principal styles. The original headband one worn in the UK until lockdown, in the pre broadway US tour and in Australia for the whole run. This style of crown was sometimes worn by alternates for Cleves or Parr. Currently the UK productions are the only ones to use the alternate costumes and have both wider and narrower Aragon crowns in silver.
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Boleyn: This crown has had the least variations across time. It consists of two circular bands worn around the spacebuns with spikes on the sides. Sizing and spike number vary but in general it is 10 spikes for UK crowns and 8 for US; AUS had 10 and cruises follow the style of the costume maker they have at the moment. The only notable difference was Hazel Karooma-Brooker who wore two flat bands on the sides of an updoo in a style that was later made the standard for Cleves.
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Seymour: This one is simmilar to Aragon in that there are only a few base styles that have many distinct variations.
There are photos of Natalie May Paris wearing a few different crowns early on but none of those seem to have made it past early first UK tour press
1: the original Seymour crown was a small white band that laid on top of the head with six small spikes.
2-3: the second version was a long band shaped like a headband with 11 short spikes. There were both black and white band versions of this one; in general it was black for dark haired actors and alternates and white for light haired actors. Sometimes it was styled with hair covering the ends so the spikes showed between strands.
4-5: There have been two versions of the Seymour crown. The first is a double white band that lays on top of the head with five short spikes on each band and two more on the edge where the bands meet. When the Boleyn tour opened the crown was updated. It is the same format but now the three middle spikes on the back band are taller than the rest.
6: The UK crown has the same shape as the US crown but in black; and has seven medium sized spikes on each band and none on the union. A white crown was made for the 2023 UKT cast change presumably to match Erin Caldwell's blonde hair but she ended up wearing a black one.
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Cleves: Just like there are a million Cleves hairstyles there are a million Cleves crowns.
The very first version of this crown looked like a hat with spikes around the brim but was cut in early tour press.
1: The first crown to appear onstagewas a headband in the same shape and size as Seymour, but with spikes starting slightly higher on the sides. It had three short spikes on each side and in the middle three long with two more short in between. This crown was the main style until shortly before lockdown when the mohawk style started to be introduced.
2: Vicki Manser wore one of her Boleyn cuffs for multiple queens including Cleves. This style was worn by some alternate Cleves early on with ponytails and side braid styles.
3: Brittney Mack wore a few different crowns, the first being a single cuff simmilar to the Howard crowns but with more spikes.
4-5: The first version of the side crowns was two single bands with eight short spikes on each. This was worn in the pre broadway tour, the UKT between 2019 and 2022 and by Jessica Niles in Breakaway 1.0. The later versions of this crown started shifting from straight bands to a slight curve.
6: Kiana Danielle got a slight variation of the previous one with alternating short and medium spikes
7-9: At reopening West End introduced a few different styles. The first was a headband with 15 spikes alternating between short and medium only worn by Lexi McIntosh. Second was the same but alternating between medium and long, this was worn by Zara Macintosh and Cherelle Jay. Third was simmilar to the Aragon crowns with two bands; 12 short spikes on the front and five medium and six shorts alternating on the back. This series feels like an experimental era where the costume team was trying to figure out different crown styles for different hairstyles before settling on everyone having a take of the double crown.
10-11: The US crowns are made by two slightly curved bands connected only on the back, has nine short spikes on the lower band. The top band alternates six medium spikes in two slightly different lenghts and two short spikes on the back. In the Aragon tour the crowns are worn backwards with the union on the front.
12: The UK crowns are two curved bands joined in the back. They have ten long spikes on the top band and eight spikes in the bottom alternating between two medium sizes.
There have also been Seymour crowns (the full headband shaped ones), Howard crowns and Parr crowns worn for Cleves by alternates or in cruises.
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Howard: the Howard crowns can be separated into two groups. Open band and closed cuff. But that doesn't mean there are not a million variations on shape and size.
1: The very first version of the crown was a round cuff with three tiers of six spikes. This was narrower than later ones as originally principal Howards wore only half their hair up in the ponytail.
2: the pre broadway tour crown was also round but shorter and wider than the UK one and had only two tiers of spikes.
3: Vicki Manser wore one of her single tier cuffs for multiple queens including Howard. This style was worn by some early alternate howards.
4-6: The crown was standarized in late 2019 to a shorter, wider cuff with the same amount of spikes. Depending on the specific crown the shape shifted between being round, oval and slightly triangular shapes. This version appeared on UK productions until lockdown, AUS for the entire run and early cruises.
7-8: At reopening a new shape was introduced. Consisting of an open band that covers only the front of the ponytail and is left open on the back. This version has become standard for all productions in different shapes and sizes. The current UK crown is a wide band. It has four spikes on the top and bottom tiers and three in the middle. Since the crowns are made to be stiff this change shape between a wide curve and a narrower C shape. Height and width vary I think depending on the size of the ponytail.
9: the US crown is a narrow open band. It has four spikes on the top and bottom rows and three in the middle one. This are the narrowest crowns and the size allows the ponytail to cover the sides instead of staying in the back like with UK crowns.
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Parr: this one looks like a million variations but is more of a million different ways to wear a few versions.
1: The original crown was a wide band shaped simmilarly to a fabric headband with three rowns of 10 spikes going around it. This was worn by the original WE cast, Athena Collins in the UKT Hana Stewart inWE, and Nicole Lambert in the pre Broadway tour.
2: For the pre broadway tour a headband simmilar to the Seymour crown with a wider band was introduced. This was worn by Ana Uzele before switching to the side crown, Bliss 1.0, Elizabeth Walker on Breakaway 1.0, the UKT alternates until lockdown, and the AUS alternates for the entire run.
3: For Breakaway 1.0 Amelia Walker wore a double headband.
4-5: For the AUS opening a new crown was introduced made of two bands on each side (simmilar to the Cleves crowns) with six spikes on each band worn on the back of the head and weaved through the hairstyle. This version with longer bands and more spikes was worn by Courtney Mack on Broadway and (I think) Megan Leung and Sophie-Rose Middleton in Bliss 2.0. A variation of this crown with spikes alternating between short and medium on the top bands is still worn in the UK by all Parrs with straight hair and In South Korea.
6: The first version of the side crown was introduced in late 2019. It is a single band with nine long spikes that goes from the side of the ponytail on the right side of the head beside the ponytail and reaching the center in the back. This was worn by Anna Uzele in the final stops of the pre Broadway tour, Danielle Steers until lockdown and Athena Collins for a public performance before the postponed UKT reopening.
7: At reopening WE and UKT introduced a new version of the side crown. Consisting of two bands connected in the backsimmilar to the Cleves crowns. With 11 short spikes on the bottom one and 12 spikes alternating between short and medium on the top one. This was worn by Danielle Steers and Athena Collins.
8: For the Broadway reopening a variation of the previous crown was introduced in the same shape and number of spikes only switching the spikes on the top band to three long alternating with three medium in the front and six slightly smallermedium on the back. This crown has become the standard version and is the only to be pretty much identical in both the US and UK.
9: Keirsten Hodgens wore a variation of the double crown specifically made to be worn on the left side to accomodate her locs naturally falling to the right.
10: In the Aragon tour both Gabriela Carrillo and Erin Palmer Ramirez wear the crown backwards with the bands connecting in the front.
11: Again in the Aragon tour Kelsee Kimmel wears another unique version. The top band has two short spikes in the front and back and then in the middle there are five spikes that go from medium to tall and back again.
12: For her first cruise run (Breakaway 2.0) Ellie Sharpe wore yet another unique crown. This seems to be a take on the double crown. The two bands are connected at the front and have medium spikes on the bottom band and alternating medium and long on the top one. I think this is another case of NCS changing all the short spikes for longer ones like they did with the Aragon crown and might have been intended to wear further back or it is two crowns worn as one. But no way to confirm this as there are only three photos of Ellie wearing it, none show the crown in full and she wore a standard side crown for her second run.
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optiwashere · 7 months
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I liked doing this last week, but it will get kinda repetitive in the coming weeks. So I'm not sure if I'll do it often while I'm posting the modern/band AU, but oh well!
It's another Saturday morning in a blanket with new music. Truly all I could ever need to write.
Here's what I've been working on...
Modern/band AU is fit and ready to start posting this upcoming week. Chapter [redacted] is complete, and I'm now far enough ahead that even a few weeks of busy life won't stop a regular posting schedule. And if I keep up writing then I'll be able to post around Xmas without needing a break!
Chapter [redacted+1] has an opening sentence, which is often the hardest part.
The outline for the AU has been modified a little. Combined three chapters into one, split out another chapter into two. Probably lots of consolidation to be done otherwise. There's a weird bit in the outline that's kinda fuzzy, but I'm sure I'll knuckle my way through it since it's not thematically deep. Might even be another chapter consolidation. This fic is definitely going to be longer than the 40k I was hoping it would top out at...
Editing the previous chapters has been a fun exercise in trimming the fat! I still want there to be scenes that are just ~vibes~ but I axed 1k words and the whole thing is cleaner for it.
More Minthara/Lae'zel is in the works, but it's mostly only the skeleton of an idea as I've had to rework it multiple times. I've a little under 1k actually written, and I'm not too convinced of what it is at the moment either. Quite frustrating.
Another seedling of an idea for non-smutty Asheera/Shadowheart fics. But it's really just "Shadowheart meets Asheera's parents" and boy I'm not ready for the mixed emotions Shadowheart's going to feel in that one. You know it's not just going to be fluff.
The Gauntlet/Nightsong segment for my core Shadowheart/Asheera series has a skeleton of an outline now. The POVs have been picked, the core beats are there, and I know it's going to hurt like a motherfucker to write some of this.
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tanicus-caesareth · 1 month
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guarana drama, damage control
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strangefable · 2 months
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Finally got my queue cleared to only ~80 posts in it (wahooooo!) so. I have added everything i've been tagged in this month to come back around to haunt all y'all with my commentary tags <3
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satanfemme · 2 years
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I only just started being trained in dog body language a few weeks ago, but already I feel like I'm suddenly bilingual.... and on a sadder note I'm honestly shocked by how many people just don't understand this language in the slightest. my new knowledge is beginning to feel like a double edged sword here. obviously I was recently uninformed myself, but frankly I had no idea how fucking unreliable "common sense" actually is when it comes to understanding dogs' emotions.
I mean, I just came across a reddit thread in response to a "dog attack" video where not only does the dog never hurt nor even try to hurt anyone, but the animal is also very very clearly just trying to play a game. 100s of comments saying this video is "proof" that aggressive dogs can still be wagging their tails isn't clever, it's just missing the forest for a single tree. or uh....missing the forest for a rosebush you've confused for a tree. even more concerning, the person in the video itself is only making the situation worse by panicking. an unfamiliar dog approaching you should make you nervous, but escalating is not going to solve a currently-safe situation. and making fast, irregular, large, and panicky -- if not actively aggressive -- movements around/towards an unfamiliar german shepherd is ESPECIALLY NOT going to keep that situation safe for very long.
I'm glad it worked out, the dog seemed very intent on remaining friendly lol, and I sympathize with the subject for being thrown into that situation without any training nor warning, but 100s of people should not be applauding his response as rational quick thinking against an otherwise-guaranteed mauling.
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discoreptile · 10 months
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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arrowpunk · 1 year
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Incredibly hilarious and ironic how when I am no longer stressed out of my mind, and also have time to rest and recuperate, I am suddenly able to draw a lot more and actually put time into my hobbies and interests.
Who woulda thought
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thatoneluckybee · 8 days
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Not main tagging this cause it's rude I think but I am so close to muting the S.BG tag. I love that comic with all my heart, I love the fanart, the memes, the fics, everything, but y a l l
I like when fandoms grow because more people discover the media! But despite being thriller S.BG has drawn a younger audience. This ain't a bad thing I am technically "younger audience" but it is painfully clear that lots of us are very new to fandom. Y'all have GOT to learn to BLOCK AND MOVE ON. I cannot browse the tag without seeing people arguing over a WEBTOON and tagging people and hating on other users. Block and move on. Please. It is always better to block and move on
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prismatic-dreaming · 4 months
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tav backstory ask game! 1, 2, 11, 15 👀
Is your Tav Baldurian? If yes, did they grow up in Baldur’s Gate? If no, where are they from?
She looks to you with a smile. "Ah, yes, I am - I wasn't born here, but it's been my home since childhood. My mum and I moved here when I was around 12, so we've been here for about half my life at this point. It's an interesting place to call home, that's for sure. We live in the Lower City, though I've spent time outside the city at the Selûnite enclave as well."
Does your Tav have any siblings? Are they close?
"Two, actually! Both adopted and notably younger, but I care for them dearly. Faeryl's ten, she's the kid of one of our neighbors who was killed when she was a baby. Thankfully I was watching Fae at the time. We'd thought someone had gone after her for being a drow or she'd gotten into some trouble, but now I think I know what actually happened... and I'd say I've gotten what justice I could for her. She's a good kid, curious about magic and helps me make potions sometimes. I'd be happy to help her on her journey if she learns magic sometime." There's also Kaelis, my little brother, he's twelve. Little troublemaker, but he's a good kid. Hopefully he'll stay out of trouble. There's some kids I ran into on my journey that reminded me of him.
Did your Tav know or know of any of the other characters?
"I had heard of Gale before, actually. I'm no wizard, nor the biggest fan of many, honestly - it's the magical elitism and the common audacity. But I keep in the loop on and have done some research on magic and mages. I never would have expected that an archmage would be someone I could sympathize with on having volatile magic inside of you. Though mine isn't threatening to kill me - anymore at least - nor is it explosive. I think. He'll get on my nerves at times, but we get along fairly well. Not the closest, but we are friends.
And of course I'd heard of the Blade of Frontiers, though I didn't know much about Wyll beyond the stories before we met. I always respected him, but didn't expect to meet him or end up as one of my dearest friends. Same goes with Jaheira and Minsc - and Boo, of course - strange circumstances to end up with revered heroes as friends. Though I suppose I ended up becoming one too. Still feels a bit odd."
Do they have any sentimental items?
this is the one that took me awhile to come up with (alongside siblings)
"Yeah. My mum's an artisan, makes jewelry, trinkets, various metal things. When I was little, and I had a pretty rough time when my powers were coming in, and she'd tell me I was as strong as a dragon, and that I'd make it through. I didn't get to see her as often as either of us would have liked when I was recovering. It couldn't be helped, since she had to get a new job and find a place we could live in the city. But one day when she came to visit she'd made me a little dragon and put it on a cord as a pendant. It meant a lot to me, reminded me of her encouragement. And I did get better." She's been holding onto the pendant, which she holds up to show. "I still wear it, and it was a good reminder during some of my tough times finally getting a real hand on my powers along my journey - though I learned to rely on the people around me too."
"During my adventures, I also found an owlbear plushie somewhere along the road that I ended up attached to. Named 'em Feathers, and they're little buddies with Clive." She chuckles. "I leave 'em next to him when we head out for the day." (note: clive is karlach's teddy bear and sera is dating karlach they are in love <3 added just in case for the few non bg3 playing friends who might read)
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youngks-smile · 3 months
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What I Want You To Know About Long COVID
Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.
Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.
COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.
Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).
There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.
So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.
COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.
The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".
Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."
There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.
You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.
I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.
This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.
Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.
Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.
Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.
Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.
Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.
Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.
And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.
Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.
I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.
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