#I'm depressed i have 4 illnesses | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wild-at-mind · 2 months

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Not reblogging it for reasons, but I really agree with that person on here who said people are reframing depression and generally feeling shit all the time as a good thing because of the horrors of Gaza. There are people on here heavily implying that you feeling bad and finding it more and more difficult to live with yourself is actually an appropriate response to war and genocide. In some way, it might be. But the thing is, where does that lead? Does it lead to decisive action in accordance to your values, or to nihilistic stewing and self isolation from your community?

The post went on to call it anti-recovery culture- I don't know if I would call it that, because I get why people don't like recovery culture, especially in relation to addiction, but mental illness also. I think that's something I'm not qualified to speak on. So I wouldn't call this anti-recovery culture. Instead I would call it pro-burnout in activism culture. Do you honestly think people who are the most productively working in their communities and participating in actions to help overseas are feeling like this? Or do you think they have learned to use self-accountability and community support to reign themselves in when they begin to burn out emotionally, and rest and recuperate their mind in order to come back stronger? Ask yourself, is that wrong of them to do, because they should be feeling bad, because after all that is the appropriate response....does it mean they don't care, because they don't spend all their time feeling shit? Or perhaps, the truth is, they do care, and are demonstrating it all the time, but they also understand that them feeling shit literally doesn't help anyone. Why can we not talk about or acknowledge this?

#i don't want to make out like i'm some amazing activist- absolutely am not talking about myself here #but i think they key thing is activism is best done as a group and one of the group's important functions is caring for one another #if you see an activist framework that encourages people to isolate from others it's not leading anywhere good- avoid #please do not let these ghouls trick you into thinking your depression and shit feelings are the right thing to feel #or that it's wrong to not want to have them any more #as that other post said: no thought crimes and also no thought activism #it's just thoughts and they don't do anything without actions and guess what makes you unable to do actions? (depression)#by the way i wish there was a better word than burnout to talk about this because it's so associated with work and capitalism #but it's a thing- i have seen it through my environmental activism group over the past 4 years #one woman just cut ties with everyone right down to her best friend and disappeared- we know she is alive but that's it #i miss her. but she had all the tools to avoid burning out and she didn't use them- at the end of the day you can't MAKE someone stop #oh yeah finally the above attitude to mental illness also puts you in a vulnerable place for conspiracy thinking #PLEASE do not become like my dad who listened to his mental illness too hard #and went from a leftist to a horseshoe theory conspiracist #guess how much activism he does now?! (hint: it's 0)

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laneaconite · 2 months

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Treatment

“Take this pill,” They say.

Take this pill and it should work

In a month,

Three months,

Six.

Take this pill,

And it will make you tired.

They all make you tired,

Because they act on the brain,

You see.

Take this pill,

“We’re sorry the others didn’t work.”

We will smile

Sympathetically.

We do care.

Take this

Pill.

It will make you dizzy.

Take this

Injection.

Since it is treatment resistant

Now.

It will hurt,

It will make you itch.

You can still keep taking the old ones,

In case they end up working

Too.

Take this pill,

It should work in one month,

Three months,

Six.

No, we don’t know

Why this is happening.

We don’t know

How to fix it.

Your blood screening was

Normal.

Your CT scan was

Normal.

Take this pill.

-Lane Aconite,

March 5th, 2023

#poetry #my work #lane archives #chronic pain #chronic migraines #chronic illness #this poem is still pretty ouch #the us medical system can really suck in its cyclical lack of progress regarding finding out what's “wrong” with a person #due to crazy long wait times for appointments & processing referrals as well as 4 profit health insurance #my chronic migraines had to escalate into epilepsy for me to be seen by an actual neurologist and be taken seriously & even now I still fee #neglected by the system #not because my drs are bad but because they're overloaded with patients #it's really exhausting & difficult to have to fight at every turn to receive the care we need & deserve when we're bent over in pain #in my experience this repetitive cycle really broke down my ability to advocate for myself for a while because I was just too depressed #but hey if you're reading this and you relate: I love you. You deserve to feel better and to be supported by your physicians #I'm getting better care now but healing isn't linear #and if you have insurance & you're feeling absolutely fucking crushed by the system pls look up if they have a nurse advice line & call the #to see if they're able to set up a complex care coordination plan & if the nurses themselves can set up appointments for you #it really helps to have an insurance lady or 3 you can call to set up appts & referrals or check on them to see where they're stuck #I could write a poem dedicated to all the wonderful women in social services who are literally saving my life every time they call

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hyperfixiation-station · 3 months

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Heyy!!!

I loved your Life , liberty and pursuit for information fic!!! It's so good and well written. The cliffhanger has got me on edge. Can we get any update on part 4.

Happy Writing!!!

Stay safe 💝

Awww thank youuuu. I'm working on Pt. 4 rn, and I'm hoping I'll have it done by next week, I've got writers block lmaooo

But anyways, here's a little(very little) sneak peak for ya:

~Soap was a god at Mario Kart. He had no right to be as good as he was, especially with you playing pretty much all day everyday, and yet he came in first every time you played together. It was almost enough to make you yell at him. Almost.

The one upside to this whole torture thing? You get to play video games all the time to rebuild the muscles in your hands and fingers. They attach little sensors to you to make sure your nerves are recovering correctly, that signals are being sent to your brain at the proper response rate. It is the most nerve-wracking playing time you have ever done. ~

Crumbs for the children :))

#I'm working on it I swear #I just have no motivation #for anything #I am sorry though I swear #Chronic illness and ADHD and depression are not a good combo when it comes to writing fics lmaoo #cod fanfic #cod x reader #john soap mactavish #part 4 of this and part 2 of choices choices choices should be coming soon

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merkerlerspeaks · 5 months

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*exhibits symptoms of disorders you have been diagnosed with and just so happen to also be depression symptoms, but isnt actually depressed*

People: Hmm I diagnose you with depression

#for reference the symptoms are fatigue/trouble motivating/general anxiety #I have had at least 4 people suggest 'Oh you might be depressed' in reference to my exhibiting symptoms of...what I have #It's very frustrating #Im tired because im chronically ill #I have trouble motivating because thats what ADHD does and being tired does #And my anxiety issues have gotten BETTER #Im am not numb hopeless or sad. I have plenty of interest in the things I like even at my worst.#my appetite is the same as its ever been #I've been through periods of self loathing. Those have passed.#and even when they were present I knew it the thoughts weren't facts bc God isn't a liar #Which that was the closest I've been to being depressed in a long time. But it still isn't depression.#If I were treated for depression rn it would totally ignore all the things ACTUALLY causing my symptoms #Life is awesome. I like doing things & I think I am the bee's knees (lol)#I have been depressed before. This just ain't it chief.#I already know what my issues are #Just cuz I got those don't mean I have to be depressed too #and I feel weird saying it too because I have the oddest feeling that I'm going to be dismissed as stubborn and blindsided #like 'you just refuse to admit it' kinda thing #But I know what it is that I am expiriencing #It's frustrating that an entirely different topic keeps coming up about it #also. the self loathing issues- they popped up when my ANXIETY got worse.#I was otherwise not expiriencing depressive symptoms outside of the things I expirience as a result of other illnesses #that I have been actually diagnosed with #blegh grr growl #Wanna focus on the actual issues not come up with false ones

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raystie · 1 year

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wow my last post was in Feb so despite not really having a following here I still feel obligated to say I'm going through a Bad Time both mentally and physically rn I can't even be bothered to think about or play Yakuza or do anything really. not dead but I sure feel like I'm on the way there rn. won't be here for a while take care everyone

#ray txt #well if you really wanna know the tmi details I'm putting it in the tags because I love overshsring #short version is entered depressive episode couldn't regulate my emotions constant crying and racing thoughts and mood swings #eventually psychosomatic symptoms caused by anxiety gets bad enough I start also having health anxiety and freaking out that I had some #disease or illness and that I was gonna die #if you've ever had your body feel like it's dying because of anxiety it's the typical shit #chest feels tight and like it's being crushed and like I can't breathe #random pains all over sometimes muscles or stabbing pains across torso #random nausea sweating and constant loss of appetite but maybe that was the depression #anyway after multiple crying sessions and nights where I couldn't sleep until like 8am and my parents considering putting me in #psych rehab (idea got scrapped) I go see some specialists #they check my blood piss uterus (irregular cycles I only get it every 2-4 months for years now)#and x-rays and they tell me actually everything looks fine physically! there's nothing wrong anywhere they can see and all my Levels are #perfectly Normal and Average I don't have a disease or illness or deficit #so all those pains and suffering really was just psychologically manifested and my brain made it up #andi know it's true because after that visit the chest pain was a lot less Andi can breathe better now #wait but that's not the end of it!#the gyne thinks I could have PCOS but can't confirm so I get my hormones tested and turns out I have more prolactin than normal #that fool made it sound like I Needed to get a MRI scan to check the gland that produces it in my brain or whatever #i go see an endocrinologist who says oh actually the extra prolactin is most likely just from your psychiatric medications #turns out if you take those it's commonly seen to go up so I didn't have to get scanned #this was optional but he suggested I take cabergoline to lower it and also get my menstruation regular again #and that's what I'm doing now but I feel like I had forgotten what having a period is like after always going for months without it #Oh and then I saw a new psychiatrist. because I had serotonin syndrome before and my body reacts badly to medications I've taken #he suggests a sensitivity blood test which I agreed to IMMEADIATELY because I've spent almost a whole decade taking all sorts of meds and #none of it working out #I haven't gotten the results back but he also said SSRIs are out of the question #although I've tried a bunch of antipsychotics and (prescribed) ADHD medications and they didn't work out #really want this fucking test because taking a med and then getting blasted with side effects makes me feel like a guinea pig being #experimented on

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mosstrades · 6 months

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Ya boy's deleted/locked himself out of every social media except for Tumblr. It won! It fucking won! Don't forget you're here forever!

#(and youtube and discord im not a monk)#It's the way exploitative content algorithms are easily circumvented. and the rigorous dash curation. and my frens:-)#it's a shame bc social media is like... useful for meeting ppl and accessing good creative works and genuinely worthwhile stuff #but i guess now I'm gonna have to go outside for that kinda stuff #can't hurt to try #nick.txt #if not for the gruesome app-ification of regular life (i need an app to access my fucking washing machine) i wouldve sincerely switched to #using a flip phone #and just kept my computer as a way to access the Webs #the webs arent inherently negative! theyre such a good tool! i just have brainworms as-is and its all DESIGNED to make them worse #i read so many books before i got a phone. and tbf. that was ALSO when the mental illness hit. which was unrelated.#so it's not ALL just because im always on that damn phone #but still #so many hours i lose on fucking reddit of all things. 4 hours watching instagram reels and i retained absolutely fuck all #and no roadblocks i set for myself (timers and uninstalling the apps and everything) are enough #i cant keep doing this dude. im gonna be 20 next year. i miss *books*. I miss writing and drawing and going outside just to be outside #i AM genuinely sad at how not having instagram will make having a social life in uni actually harder lmao but we stay silly #if i die and god shows me how many hours i spent on twitter and the number has more than two digits im gonna get so depressed ill die twice

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browniepokemon · 1 year

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starting to realize that by being a booksmart snobby homebody kid, i never really got to experience anything and now i feel like i missed out on some Important Experiences that i should've had in my formative youth that i now read in fiction and go "damn, wish i could've done that/had that much fun doing that as a kid"

only recently have i had the experience again of playing video games with my friends (different friends, we're all adults) and having a nice time and realizing,

"oh. maybe i shouldn't have been wishing i was dead in school because i hated myself but no one noticed cause i never showed any outward signs of being suicidal/hating myself other than the usual teenage angst thing"

y'know?

maybe if i'd been able to get help and get my head out of my ass sooner, maybe i wouldn't be so fucked up today. maybe i would've realized there was a problem that went beyond the assumption that everyone hated being the gender that society assumed they were and that maybe, just maybe, being that anxious all the time was a sign that something was really wrong and it wasn't gonna just Go Away if i ignored it hard enough

but denial is easier i say, pretending to avoid that i probably have ocd and really don't want that to be the case because it sucks that i might have it and i don't wanna deal with it! i just want it to go away

not gonna lie. i also denied i had autism for a while because it really wasn't what i thought it was and this feels like a very similar denial ("I Have The Symptoms But It Couldn't Possibly Be That Thing That's Big And Unknown And Fundamentally Changes The Way You See Your Life")

and i don't really have. a regular job, or a car, or a driver's license, or executive function most days (see spoon theory & executive dysfunction). i don't really have anything physically wrong with me, other than my anxiety giving me stomach issues. i've checked so many times in my life if something was severely wrong with me physically because i've had so many intrusive thoughts about possibly being sick/getting sick/etc.

and i'm also american so. fuck me i guess (almost no cities are walkable and i live somewhere where it's fucking freezing eight months of the year and i have to pay a shit ton of money for healthcare, except no wait! i have to rely on toxic family because i have no money or job or future!!)

#emberian solunaria #voidkeith #void keith #emberian talks #voidkeith talks #void keith talks #vent post #ventpost #i already have at least 4 undiagnosed mental illnesses dude. that's 4 too many #autism i'm usually pretty okay with (meltdowns/shutdowns suck though)#the anxiety and depression and c-ptsd and possibly ocd. can leave me the f u c k alone #aaaaaaa

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andthebeanstalk · 1 year

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Infinity Train isn't the best counterpart to Last of Us on positive representation. Remember the only explicitly Neurodivergent character in Infinity Train became a villain and died brutally on screen?

No, I don't remember. But what I do remember is that the entire core concept of the show is basically "a train that puts people through magical therapy." And so I remember that nearly every lead character is clearly dealing with some form of mental illness or another. I don't need every character to be explicitly diagnosed onscreen to know that the show is chock-full of neurodivergent characters, so I'm quite genuinely not sure what you mean. Have I missed something?

#like correct me if I'm wrong but i recall Simon's inability to see other living creatures as fully alive came from a place of entitlement #and i didn't see it as an accident that it was the white boy who was ultimately unable to break free of the power it gave him #but like. I don't know how a neurodivergent person can watch season 2 and come away with #the idea that MT is somehow a neurotypical character written by a neurotypical person #and in season 4 the guys fight a monster that is the literal embodiment of depression. am i missing something?#what does simon have? i don't recall him explicitly stating a mental illness or difference. maybe I've forgotten #but like. all the characters are mentally ill. for some of them that is why they are on the train!#having all of them state an official medical diagnosis would not only be distracting but impossible in some cases #mt doesn't have access to mental health services how could they know??#simon was a mentally ill person who got so fucking sucked into the comfort and power of cultism that he was lost and it was a tragedy #I never got the impression that this was because he was more mentally ill than other people on the train.#just like how people who get really into conspiracy theories are not doing it because they are mentally ill.#illness might make them more vulnerable to brainwashing but there is a DRIVE that has to be there too.#and very often that drive is a kind of hatred and insecurity that cannot be reasoned with. it is a tragedy. a very real tragedy.#original

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shelleyspeare · 2 years

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i think i might have ocd

#had to say it #not gonna try to get diagnosed because (a) i don't have time (b) my intrusive thoughts are too much to talk about with anyone rn and (c) i #dont want to get stuck with a diagnosis like that for the rest of my life #because it feels so much more official and permanent than good old depression and anxiety. like i could never get over this #but i just wanted to put it out there into the universe that I'm like 99% sure if i described what's going on with me rn to a doctor they #would diagnose me with ocd. wild.#once i started thinking about it i wrote down a list of compulsions and it was like a full page long #i barely even think about them as weird because theyre so familiar to me but i do them constantly -- like probably hundreds of times a day #and most are textbook ocd stuff like even down to which numbers my brain registers as like. safe numbers to count to. like the number 4 is #good powers of 2 are good etc. and i touch light switches and doorknobs a certain number of times and i count my steps and the words i read #and i count how many times i blink and look at people so it all comes out right #and beneath all of that control is just a whole pit of obsessive anxious thoughts i can't control. so.#now i know that this is a Real Issue and not just my generalized anxiety being spicy #idk. maybe ill find help in some informal way that doesnt involve a psych eval lol #it's good to know this about myself

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tardis--dreams · 2 years

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I am once again signing up for way too many seminars knowing fully well I've never managed more than 27 points since starting university and yet aiming for 50

#someone come and slap me please #also add 60 hours of work each month #so if we go by the theory that one point is one hour per week #(which is not the case because a 4 point seminar already has 4 hours of Presence time #PLUS the time you need to spend on studying and reading etc)#that'd be 65 hours per week #which is roughly 10 hours per day #which is something i have not managed to do outside of actual structured jobs #where i had to be present and work shifts #this is unrealistic #but if feel like i need to make up for the points i lost last semester #(i got a total of 9 woooowww #because i just lost all structure and motivation and spent all my time depressed in bed #but still #i need to do better #and it's not like other people don't manage twice of the points I'm aiming for #i know people who do 70 each semester #i feel so bad lmao #ok ill shut up now #i hate university

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eggmeralda · 18 days

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i'm lucky my obsession with remembering everything peaked from late 2013 - early 2016, bc the phone i had during that time hasn't been able to turn on for years and i'm still in denial about it

#the light doesn't even come on when i charge it #my sister had the same phone at the same time and her one turns on so it's definitely a my phone problem #i got it to turn on once a few years ago? idk when though. it was definitely like in my 20s so at least 4 years ago #or maybe i was 19. idek. 18 even? it was recent enough though #in fact no i really have vibes it was 2021. but it hasn't turned on since #and i swear to god if it ever gets confirmed i've lost everything on there i'm going to die #schrodinger's phone data i guess #but yeah so luckily i made such a big deal of remembering Everything in the first half of my teens bc that's the only time of my life i #can't access #i just wish i could read my notes from when i was 14 though #they were awful bc i was so cringe by default. bc i was 14.#but they were Historical #i remember when i read them a few years ago there was the bit when i was gonna see the who in december 2014 but then it got postponed #bc roger daltrey was ill and it was like 2 days before i was meant to see them and my life was depending on it bc i was already so depresse #and in my notes it was all like ''my mind has reached the absolute bottom my soul has become dark eternally'' or something like that #it wasn't worded like that it was probably like 70% more incoherent bc i basically spoke a different language at that age but still #it was SO good like 14yo what are you actually on about #after i die i'll be able to access it #along with swag and bitter's fully readable tflu blogs and every 60s episode of coronation street available to watch whenever i want #i mean when i die i'll be able to go back to the actual time and witness my 14yo self being Like That #so there's that to look forward to i guess #but anyway #does anyone know anything about an htc wildfire s btw #ramble

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tan1shere · 2 months

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Look after you

Ellie Williams x female reader !

A/n: currently in the situation where I was slightly drunk earlier, my ass passed tf out for a good 4 hours 😭 but like I woke up and my head slightly hurts (I found out that I had spilt some of my drink in my hair- it was a night ill say that 😃) and it made me think how Els would be while taking care of her drunk girlfriend. Hope you guys like this regardless, I kinda made this more comforting as I need that right now fr 😔✊🏻

Summary: Ellie taking care of her drunk girlfriend, but why is she even drunk in the first place ?

Warnings: drinking, swearing ? Slight angst in a way ??? Mentions of depression. Just cute fluffyness tho :) - this is set in where they are still in that little town ♡

Masterlist

The smell of alcohol was all that could be smelt in the small bar you and Dina were at. You two decided to go out for the night, the both of you getting absolutely wasted. When Jesse came to pick the both of you up he was shocked at the two of you for drinking so much. "You two are insane." He said as he walked with you guys. "I'm so sane." You'd slur. Which earned a hum from Dina. "I'm going to Ellies, later." You said as you stumbled off. You go over to her little garage of a home, just clumsily opening the door. Everything was spinning, your mind was so dizzy but oh boy did you feel good. As you enter you see Ellie on her bed reading a comic. She looks up at you. "Oh Jesus you look drunk as a skunk." She begins to get up. "I dunno what you're on about." You mumble, heading over to her couch feeling as if your legs were about to give out. She sighs. "Did Dina get this wasted too?" You don't answer only shrug.

She awaits for an answer when she hears giggling, she looks at you slumped on the sofa, laughing like a little weirdo. It only makes her smile tho. "Come on, let's get that makeup off." You look at her as she speaks. "Noo I'm comfortable!" You say, moving slightly on the old couch. "And I'm not taking 'noo' for an answer, I know you. You'll hate yourself in the morning." You groan, but still staying in your spot. "Don't make me come over there." She begins to walk over, when suddenly you feel a presence on top of you. "Ughhh get off." You weakly try to push her, this just makes her laugh. "That's cute. But don't make me have to bring it over here, I'll go into the bathroom and grab those cloths don't put it past me." She puts a finger in your face, you then look at it, going to bite it gently. "Ay!" She exclaims pulling it away. This makes those previous giggles return.

"You're such a fucking menace you know that." You hum as she says that. "You love my menaceness." She shakes her head at you. "That's not even a word, you drunkie." You open your eyes up fully to look at her. "Well I made it one." Ellie rolls her eyes at how silly that statement was, making her laugh once again. She gets up eventually going to leave for the bathroom. "Nawww." "Stop your whining I'll be right back." Your drunken mind finds that funny, starting to smile and giggle as you replay her words in your brain. "You loveeee when I'm whiney." She raises her brows, coming over to you with a warm cloth. "Don't start with me Missy." She says as she sits on the couch, moving your legs so they're resting on her lap. "You didn't deny it." You sing. "If you don't shut up now you really will be whining."

You give her a silly little glare. But it did make you shut up. She begins to bring the face cloth over your makeup, wiping slightly. You being your annoying drunk self goes to swat her hand away. "You little monster." "Hey! I'm not little." You huff, but she ignores all these antics going for your face again. "No. No touching, I'm not even speaking to you right now." Which puts a smile on her face because you were indeed speaking to her. "Is that so? May I know why?" You shake your head. "No, you figure it out since you're so big and smart." You huff again. "Cuz I called you little huh?" You just give her a look. "God you're pleasant when you're drunk." She says sarcastically. "Say you're sorry for calling me short and then you can do whatever it is you were doing." She gives you a be for real look, rolling her eyes with a shake of her head. Knowing you are drunk still, just going to do so anyways.

"I'm so very sorry I called you little. There." You ponder for a second. "Nope, didn't say what i told you to." This makes her let out a huff. Earning a cheeky smile on your face. "God you're trouble." "Say it." You giggle. "I am so incredibly sorry that I called you short. Happy?" She says. "Yes very." You could feel the tiredness taking over, she notices. "Come on, let's sit up." She goes to try and get you to do so, making you groan as your head started to hurt from the dizziness. Not long after she was done with taking your makeup off, going into the bathroom to put the cloth on the small railing she had. When you suddenly felt like- "Ellie.." You began. "Yes my drunkie." But she didn't realize you had gone serious as your tone was still slurred. She comes out to look at you. "Baby?" Her brows furrow. "I think I'm gunna-" you don't even need to finish that sentence before she's over there helping you up and into the bathroom where you immediately puke in the toilet.

The groan you let out makes her heart hurt as she knows you hate puking. She holds your hair back as you continue to chuck up your guts, feeling slight tears spring from your eyes. "I hate puking." She gets on the floor with you. "I know babygirl. I'm sorry I got home so late tonight, even tho that doesn't matter I should've gone down to see you." There was a silence as she began to stroke some hair out of your face. "Whyd you drink so much love." She asks softly, you just shrug in return. Honestly you don't know why. You'd been feeling a little off lately and you thought this night with Dina, having some drinks would ease the slight sadness inside you, but if anything it's made you feel worse. "Talk to me sweetheart." That makes you look at her, feeling tears again. This time they were genuinely sad ones, not out of pain from puking.

"I don't know whats wrong with me." You sob, one thing Ellie hates is when you cry, she just wishes she could take that pain away for you. "Nothings wrong with you my girl, nothing." She says, cupping your face gently. "I don't even know why I'm sad, i- I have no reason to be." You hiccup not only from the crying but also from the fact your still just a tiny bit drunk. Which makes her say this. "Why don't we talk about this when you're fully with it yeah? I think you've had a long night and rest is the best thing right now." You nod, agreeing. "I'm going to get you some water ok?" You let out a small mhmmm in understanding. Getting up with her. She walks you over to her bed, carefully laying you down on your side, brushing any loose hair out of your face and making sure your comfortable. She came back with a glass, getting you to sit up a bit and drink it. But you were worried to, as you didn't want to puke again.

"Drink it, please. You lost alot of fluids you need it." You know you do, but it wasn't easy. "I promise you won't puke, why don't you suck on some ice instead." This makes you feel happy inside. "Ice chips?" She smiles at you. "Ice chips." All you wanted was to give her a big hug and a kiss. She truly knew you and you couldn't thank her enough for being such a great girlfriend. "I love you Ellie." She grabs your hand smiling more. "I love you baby. Let me get the ice hm?" You nod softly at her words. As she goes to get it you sit and think. You really didn't know why you were so upset inside lately. Maybe it was the dull weather or another one of your depressive episodes. You did miss Ellie though, she has been so busy lately you feel like you haven't really been with her. Maria always getting her to go on patrols, poor Ellie never has a day off, even if she loves what she does everyone needs a break from time to time.

She comes back over with a tiny bowl and some small ice chunks. "Here you go pretty girl." You thank her going to suck on the first one. She sits on the bed just looking at you admiringly, putting any annoying piece of hair out of your face. "Els?" "Hmm?" She hums gently. "Why don't you have a day off from patrol baby." She softens her look as you say that. "Get Maria to ask someone else, you're always working your ass off." And it all clicked on why you said what you said earlier. "I'm so sorry." You get a bit confused by her apology. "I should've seen you were getting depressed again." That makes you look into your lap fiddling with your hands, but she grabs them. "Look at me baby." And you do. "From now on I'll take the breaks i need and to spend that time with you. I realize I do work alot, and I don't really need to- but I'll tell her that from now on." You nod.

"It worries me Els." She shakes her head. "I don't ever want you to worry about that-" "but it does baby. I see how worn out you are. Take tomorrow off, please?" Which she immediately nods to. "Ofcourse, I was going to anyway. Gotta look after my hungover girl don't I?" You smile at her. "I'm still sorry tho my love. I never ever want you to feel lonely inside, and seeing you cry earlier broke me. I hate seeing you cry." You hold her hand tighter. "I'll be okay, I've got my amazing protector." She smiles big. "Dina." You try not to let out a laugh at Ellies offended face. "I'm kidding I'm kidding." "You better be, I don't see her here looking after you, do you?" You smile more. "No. Ofcourse I meant you silly." She just smiles now. "Ok good, cuz I'm just that amazing." She says, putting her arm up showing her muscle. "And your protector." That makes you laugh more going to punch her arm. "You goofball." She gives you a small glare. "Ow that hurt." She tries to look sad but she immediately laughs, making you join in with her.

Ellie then wipes the left over tears from before. "So it's a plan, no more working overtime when I truly don't need to, and spend all that time with my special girl." Nodding, as you smile. "It's a plan." "Good." She goes to lean into kiss you but you pull back, leaving her stunned. "I have puke breath.." She just lets out a pft noise. "Good God woman, I've watched you pee and crap before, a little puke isn't going to gross me out, not to mention I literally watched you hurl." You playfully roll your eyes. "You're mad." "For you? Fuck yeah." Your smile hasn't been so big in a long time. You were glad to be back. And so was Ellie.

#elliewilliams #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie williams angst #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams comfort

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musical-chick-13 · 2 years

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Having complicated feelings about the MCU in this Chili’s tonight.

#there's the usual of endgame/tony and nat #and whatever tf they're doing with gamora now #but mainly it's about th4r #(get it: because it's thor with a 4 in it because it's the 4th movie sorry I'll shut up)#like...I am very excited to see Fighter™ Jane. but I have seen people worry that they'll cover up her scientist background and original #personality and gotta admit yeah I'm worrying about that too!#and MAINLY I'm having Thoughts™ over. THAT scene in the trailer #b/c like. can we have one (1) character who goes through trauma/depression and doesn't immediately revert back to #exactly how they were before? like why did you feel the need to go straight from endgame thor to 'scene so sexualized we had to #censor it' like???? Idk. and the fact that THIS was what they decided to include in the trailer. you know the thing that's supposed to #show you the REASONS to go see the movie? like: oh look come see our movie chris hemsworth gets to be Hot™ again and scantily-clad #as if THAT'S the reason to watch something??? and judging by the UNIVERSAL reaction I saw they were RIGHT about it?????#like...you really couldn't have him be not ''''conventionally'''' attractive for one (1) movie huh #like don't get me wrong characters can wear tight or revealing clothing but this genuinely feels...exploitative almost. like a level of #objectification that makes me feel genuinely gross.#*something something all we care about are unrealistic visions of '''idealized''' bodies*#*something something this whole franchise is intentionally sanitized at every possible moment but objectification rooted in fatphobic #origins to the point of genuinely uncomfortable sexualization is apparently okay*#*something something trauma and mental illness can get unpalatable sometimes @ creators please use your braincells*#salty mc13 is salty #and don't get me wrong. I am a Giant Bisexual I talk a LOT about characters being attractive. but this just feels like reducing a #genuinely (wow let's see how many times I can use THAT word on one post) interesting and sympathetic character down to his appearance #SOLELY. down to his appearance. and nothing else.#like I'm just so tired #I want to support tessa thompson and natalie portman and I really do love this character so much like he's one of the only original mcu #mainstays I still hardcore care about so yes I sadly am still going to see this movie once it hits disney plus but I have...mixed feelings #and most of them are not pleasant #what if I...made a fic about Thor keeping his endgame body and not being shamed for it #WAIT I HAVE THAT OLD ENDGAME FIX FIC I FORGOT TO UPDATE I CAN ADD THIS IN OMG

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larluce · 1 month

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Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU

Tagging @aceauthorcatqueen , @fallenxjas , @smileytrinity ,@lucifertookmyshoe , @an-entity-i-think , @thecornerofbelu , @griffonskies , @odinjm , @cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu , @thelady-mary , @bennedict , @nightninjaboy , @st8-of-grace , @star-rie , @error-username-not-available , @dogberryrowan , @jamieweasley13 , @tansyuduri , @tercais , @robynnemrys , @evadne01 , @serasvictoria02 The tag list is increasing! I'm crying 🤧. Again thank you so much for all the love. I've been sick in bed, all depressed cause I couldn't speak or sing (I'm a musical theater student) and reading your comments cheer me up ^^.

LINKS TO THE OTHER PARTS OF THIS AU HERE: PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8 , PART 9 , PART 10 , PART 11 , PART 12 , PART 13 , PART 14 (You're here) , PART 15

In "Remedy to Cure All Ills"

Arthur pacing around in his chambers after Morgana fell sick and he encountered Edwin.

Arthur: (thinking, trying to convince himself) She's evil, she's going to become evil, it's okay if she dies. She's evil, she's going to become evil, she must die. She's evil, she's going to- (Shouts and throws a lamp againts a wall, furious with himself)¡AAARRGH!(sinks in a couch an covers his face, thinking miserably) Why can't I let her die? I watched her take her last breath before my eyes before, damn it! This shouldn't hurt this much.

Merlin: (enters) Arthur?

Arthur: (sighs and takes his hands out of his face, exhausted) Don't you know how to knock?

Merlin: (with a comforting smile) You know I never do that. (gets close and puts himself infront of Arthur, bending down to be at his height) She's going to be alright, Arthur. She's strong. You'll see.

Arthur: (smiles back, but it doesn't reach his eyes) A man came to the castle this morning. He claims he can cure her. (thinking) Of course he can, he was the one who did this to her.

Merlin: (thinking, wary) Edwin... (says) How could he? Not even Gaius knows what's wrong with her.

Arthur: He says he has a remedy to cure all ills.

Merlin: That doesn't exist. It's impossible.

Arthur: I know that! But what other option do we have? Morgana is dying and we are farther from close to find a cure! We don't lose anything by trying (thinking) And we gain everything by doing it. Once he cures her I can kill him.

Merlin: (puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, hesitantly, but relaxes when Arthur doesn't reject the touch) You really love her a lot, don't you?

Arthur: (with unshed tears) We grow up together. She's like a sister to me. I can't let her die. (Thinking) Even when she doesn't share the same sentiment. I just can't.

Merlin: Wait till tomorrow. If she doesn't get better, you can fetch the man.

Arthur: I'm the prince, Merlin. You can't tell me what to do.

Merlin: But?

Arthur: It's too late the fetch the man now. I'll wait till tomorrow.

Merlin: (smiles) Wise as always, my lord.

Arthur: (caresses the hand on his shoulder, lovinly) Thank you, Merlin.

Merlin: (blushes, nervous) 😳 I... I didn't do anything.

Arthur: You did. (Looks at Merlin's eyes intendly) Thank you. (They stare a each other, faces inches from the other).

Merlin: (snaps out of it and moves away) I-I need to go 😅 (smiles nervously and walks backwards) Eh... Physician apprentice things to do- (collides whit the table and some things fall and he picks them up quickly) Sorry!

Arthur: (laughs softly) Don't stay awake late. Rest.

Merlin: Right... you too. I'll be back to dress you in a minute, so don't sleep until I get back! 😅 (Leaves, thinking) 'Don't sleep until I get back'? Really? 😳😖🤦‍♂️

Arthur: (Sighs, thinking) Sleep. If only I could.

It's rare the times Arthur has a good night of sleep. Nightmares or rather memories of the time Merlin was a tree always assault his mind. Specially the time Merlin was turned before his eyes and he couldn't do anything about it, too weak from his wound, too useless. It's better now that Merlin sleeps in the antechambers. He just has to open the door and watch him sleep there peacefully, human and alive, and his heart is at easy again. Now with Morgana at death's door there's no way he's going to catch any sleep at all.

Arthur: (whispers to himself) I still have time. Tomorrow. Just wait until tomorrow.

Time skip. For everyone's surprise, Morgana wakes in the morning all cured, like she has never been ill in the first place.

Uther: (happy and relieved) Morgana! (Goes to her) This is truly a miracle. I thought... I really thought...

Morgana: (smiles) Oh, you won't get rid of me that easily.

Arthur: We certainly won't. (Just as realived and happy, puts hand on her shoulder, unconsciously) I'm glad you're alright, Gana.

Morgana: (surprised he's showing affection to her again, but touched) Gana... You haven't called me like that since we were kids.

Arthur: (realising he put a hand on her shoulder and puts it away) Right. Sorry, I know you don't like it.

Morgana: (messing with him) Oh, you can call me like that if you want. If you let me call you... Art? Arthie?

Arthur: Don't you dare! (He threatens but then they both laugh and look at each other fondly)

Gaius: I still need to make a few tests to see if she is really out of danger, but for what I can see, she'll be fully recovered in no time, sire.

Uther: Of course. Thank you, Gaius.

Gaius: I don't consider this was exactly my doing (looks at Merlin significantly and Merlin makes himself small in his place). But I'm glad to be of service as always, your majesty. I'll prepare some concoctions to prevent any outbrake just in case. (Makes a bow and it's about to leave, but then turns to Merlin sternly) Merlin?

Merlin: (sighs) Coming (bows quickly and leaves with him)

Uther: (frowns, thinking) Is it my idea or did he vow in the direction of Arthur alone?

Arthur: (who saw all the exchange between mentor and ward) I'll go to inform everyone the good news. Morgana, father (smiles politely makes a bow to both of them and leaves too)

Morgana: (sighs, a little sad, thinking) And cold Arthur is back.

Time skip. In Gaius Tower. Gaius scolding Merlin.

Gaius: You used magic on the king's ward?! What were you thinking?!

Merlin: I was thinking that I didn't want her to die! She's my friend and she's very dear to Arthur-

Gaius: Arthur, Arthur. Is what all this is about isn't it? I know he's the prince and you care for him. But let me remind you, he's still the prince of a kingdom that bans magic. Do you have any idea of what would have happened to you if someone discovered you? if someone have seen you?

Merlin: (explodes) Yes I know! Of course I know! Every time a wake up, every time I breathe, I know I could be killed at any moment. I watch every pyre that is made fearing maybe I could be next. I watch every friendly face, knowing that if they knew, if they only knew, they'll see me like a monster. I have to look at Uther, the man that would have me executed, the murderer of all my kind, and I have to serve him and smile at him trying to no throw up every day. So yes I perfectly fucking know, Gaius!

Gaius: ...

Merlin: (with teary eyes and his voice breaks) But I can't stop doing it, I can't separate myself from it. And I tried, believe me I tried, but I can't. Magic is part of me, is who I am. So I'll use it however I see fit, whenever I can, because no one knows the risks of using magic in a kingdom that forbids my very existence better than I do!

Silence...

Gaius: You're right. I don't understand it. I will never understand it. Magic was never to me what it is to you. I'm sorry I didn't see it before.

Merlin: It's alright. I know you only worry about me.

Gaius: It's more than that. (puts both of his hands on Merlin's shoulders) Merlin, in this short time I've known you, you've become like a son to me. I can't bare to lose you.

Merlin: (smiles) You won't lose me. I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you.

Gaius: Then for the sake of this old man, stop doing these things behind my back.

Merlin: Only of you promise to help me rather than forbid me of doing things. I still need guidance, I still need you.

Gaius: Alright (he hugs him close and then pulls away). Lets start with how you cured Lady Morgana. I don't recall giving you any healing magic classes.

Merlin: I didn't have to, I just had to call this little one out of her ear. (pulls out a beetle from his pocket) I think it was what was making her sick. Do you know what it is?

Gaius: (alarmed) Don't touch it! (picks a jar and opens it) Put it here. Now! (Merlin does it and Gaius closes the jar) It's an Elanthia Beetle. They can be enchanted to enter the brain, feed on it until they devour the person's very soul. Thank the gods you managed to pull it out.

Merlin: (who already knew all this, but still has to play ignorant) So Morgana was echanted? By who?

Gaius: There are many sorcerers who wish to cause harm to the crown, my boy. But, whoever it is, once they find out their plan failed, they are going to try again.

Time skip. Merlin leaves Gaius tower with Morgana's concoctions and almost jumps out of his skin, when he sees Arthur is there at the door.

Merlin: (scared, but trying to disimulate, closing the door behind him) Arthur! How long have you been there?

Arthur: (who heard the whole conversation, very affected) I... I just arrived.

Merlin: (relieved, but concerned for Arthur's state) Arthur, are you alright? What is it? (with growing panic) Are you ill? Did something happen to Lady Morgana? Arthur, answer me!

Arthur: (hugs Merlin suddenly)

Merlin: (too stuned to say anything) ...

Arthur: (Pulls Merlin closer to him, thinking) 10 years. You suffered my father's reign and then I made you still live in fear for 10 years.

Merlin: (red and still very concerned) Not that I'm not enjoying this gesture, sire. But, please, say something. I'm going to freak out.

Arthur: (pulls away gently) Nothing's wrong, Merlin. It just... seemed like you needed it.

Merlin: (confused) ... right. (Thinking) He must still be sensitive about Morgana. (coughs, trying to hide his red face) I have to... ehm... give Morgana her concoctions so...

Arthur: (playfully) Are you blushing?

Merlin: No.

Arthur: Your ears are red.

Merlin: They are not!😡

Arthur: Yes, they are. It's hard not to notice. They're as big as your face.

Merlin: Not as big as your fat ass!

Arthur: Have you been staring? 😏

Merlin: (even more red) I...😳 stop wasting my time, get out of my way!😡

Arthur: That's no way to talk to your prince, Merlin.

Merlin: Fine (with exaggerated courtesy). Your highness, my lord, sire, would you make me the enormous honor to remove your royal, pompous, supercilious presence out of my way?

Arthur: (laughs, but steps aside)

Merlin: Thank you, my lord. I'll be forever in debt with you. (Bows in mockery and leaves)

Arthur: (thinking, as he watches him leave) You chose to save Morgana with your magic this time. You shouldn't have risk it. But thank you. You won't have to suffer for so long this time. I'll create I world where you feel safe, you won't have to hide and be scared anymore. I promise.

#merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #merlin prompt #merlin fanfic #merlin fic #merthur fic #arthur and merlin #merlin and arthur #merthur prompt #Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU

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handmade-witch · 2 months

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part 5 baby!! Slytherin boys x Incorrect Quote Generaror~

Part 1 ☆ Part 2 ☆ Part 3 ☆ Part 4 ☆ Part 6

Draco: Hey, are you free?

Blaise: No, I’m expensive.

☆☆☆

Mattheo: Go fuck yourself.

Lorenzo: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!

☆☆☆

Mattheo: BE A BETTER PERSON!

[Y/N]: WHY?!

Mattheo: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

☆☆☆

Draco: *venting endlessly to Mattheo about their week*

Mattheo, every once in a while: *in a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.

☆☆☆

Mattheo: Astrology is fun because I can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness.

[Y/N]: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.

☆☆☆

Blaise: What are you doing here?

Draco: I could ask you the same question.

Blaise: I live here. This is my house.

Draco: I should probably ask you a different question.

☆☆☆

*Lorenzo and [Y/N] texting*

Lorenzo: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I'm lonely.

[Y/N]: Isn't Mattheo there?

Lorenzo: Yes but I like you more.

☆☆☆

Theodore, about Mattheo: I could fix them, but honestly whatever the hell is wrong with them is way funnier.

Draco: That's what any god probably thinks about me.

☆☆☆

Lorenzo: From now on we will be using code names.

Lorenzo: You can address me as Eagle One.

Lorenzo: Draco is “been there done that”.

Lorenzo: [Y/N] is “currently doing that”.

Lorenzo: Blaise is “it happened once in a dream”.

Lorenzo: Mattheo is “if I had to pick a(nother) dude.”

Lorenzo: And Theodore is..

Lorenzo: Eagle Two

Theodore: Oh thank god.

☆☆☆

Blaise: Anyone d-

[Y/N]: Depressed?

Theodore: Drained?

Lorenzo: Dumb?

Mattheo: Disliked?

Blaise: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people...

☆☆☆

Draco: I dare you-

[Y/N]: Mattheo is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Draco: Why not?

Mattheo: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

☆☆☆

Theodore, at [Y/N]: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Mattheo, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

☆☆☆

[Y/N]: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Theodore?

Theodore: No.

Lorenzo: I do!

[Y/N]: I know, Lorenzo.

Lorenzo: I’m sad.

[Y/N]: I know, Lorenzo.

☆☆☆

Mattheo: Ooh, somebody has a crush

Theodore: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on [Y/N] I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them.

*Later that night*

Theodore, very much awake: Uh oh.

☆☆☆

Kidnapper: I have one of your friends.

[Y/N]: Which one? I have six.

Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.

[Y/N] Which one? I have six.

Pansy, distantly: HEY!!!

☆☆☆

Mattheo: I have very high standards, you know.

Theodore: I can make spaghetti...

Mattheo: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!

☆☆☆

Blaise: You bought a taco?

Draco: Yes.

Blaise: From the same truck that hit Lorenzo?!

Draco, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain't gonna help them.

☆☆☆

Mattheo: In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.

☆☆☆

Theodore: Can you be serious for five minutes?

Lorenzo: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

#slytherin boys #lorenzo berkshire #theodore nott #blaise zabini #draco malfoy #harry potter universe #matteo riddle #lorenzo berkshire x reader #theodore nott x reader #mattheo riddle x reader #incorrect quotes

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