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whatsk-poppinhomies · 2 months

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Pairing : Idol!Song Mingi x F!Reader TW : reader is an internatiol ATINY ; nationality unspecified ; pure angst ; long distance relationship ; arguing ; disastrous break up ; heartbreak ; it's just sad ; he's a little bit, slightly yandere ; Word Count : 8.0k A/N : Mingi angst!! Yay! Haven't written for ATEEZ in a good bit! This one is fun! I have full control and I love it! Time for some heartbreak!! This turned a little yandere... But I hope you still like it! Also, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm trying to write as much as I can! Request : Anonny : hi! I was wondering if you could do a mingi angst! I've been reading your angst fics and well just your gifs for like the past year and never had the courage to ask until now! I don't really have specifics and you could just do whatever you want with plot wise or something! I haven't thought about plot and stuff yet, just mingi angst 😭

The last fancall, it was kind of sad, but in a way, also relieving. They got to just relax after this call, they didn’t have to try to understand what an international fan was saying, not that it was a problem, but it was hard, although they’d never expect anyone to learn Korean just for them. They all loved talking to ATINY though, even if it were just a few, they got to personally get to know them for a minute or two, they got to joke with them, laugh with them, even playfully flirt with them. It was just nice to have some kind of interaction with the fans that brought them to where they were today.

It was your first fancall, you weren’t even sure how you had gotten so lucky to be chosen, but you had been, and when you got the email you screamed so loud that your neighbor started banging on the walls. Something as small as a video call, but it was huge to you, it felt like a dream. Surely, anyone who wasn’t a fan of k-pop wouldn’t understand, they’d probably think you were crazy for getting so excited over something like this… But this just might be the closest you’d ever get to any of them, and it would most definitely be the only time you ever got to talk to them.

You had done your hair and your makeup and you had changed your outfit about six times before settling on something more casual. It’s not like any of them would remember you anyway, and you weren’t even upset about that, you were just glad to be able to have this opportunity… an opportunity that had you so insanely flustered that you could barely even speak when Hongjoong showed up on your screen.

How embarrassing it was to sit in front of your favorite idols, not all of them at once, but one by one, they all got to look at you and see you looking so absolutely enamored that they were in fact actual people. The most you could get out was a ‘hello’, and even that was kind of squeaky and they would laugh, which in turn would make you more shy. They were all so nice though, asking you what your favorite song was and who your bias is, even though you couldn’t seem to find your voice. You wondered if things like this happened often.

Then you got to Mingi, who was last second to last in the lineup. He wasn’t exactly your bias, you didn’t really have one, they were all amazing and attractive in their own personal ways. But damn did he look good. If you were awestruck before, you were completely starstruck now, your eyes widening as you took in his perfect features and just… everything about him.

“Oh my god…” You said, under your breath you had assumed, but he had to have heard you considering he turned around and looked behind him before looking back at the camera to smile and wave at you. “Hi…” His turn was slightly different, it made you feel different. The other guys had simply looked at you, but it felt like Mingi was really looking at you. What did he see? Did you have something in your teeth? Was your hair messed up? You felt shy, like you were standing right in front of your crush. It was crazy.

“You ever been to Korea?” He asked, and it was so blunt, but he had this cheeky smile on his face that both eased your nerves and somehow had them going haywire at the same time. You giggled nervously and shook your head no. “You should come, it’s nice here. A lot of pretty girls, you’ll fit right in.” He… He just called you pretty? Was this fan service? It had to be! He was just really really good at it. “Do you have a boyfriend?” None of the other guys had asked you these types of questions, why were things getting so personal? Why didn’t you seem to mind it when it was coming from him? You shook your head no once again. “Good. I’m your boyfriend now. Okay?”

It probably wasn’t a good time to take a sip of water, not that you had expected him to say something like that, but you spit it out all over your desk, completely in shock at the words that you had just heard him say. There was no way he was being serious right now. His fan service was immaculate. “Oh…Okay!” You stammered out, and you wondered how long this would go on. He had surely passed up the timer.

“My turn now!!” You heard Wooyoung shout from beside him, and Mingi groaned loudly as his bottom lip jutted out. “I’m gonna steal your girlfriend, deal with it.” He teased, and you let out a small sigh. It was just fan service. You felt kind of foolish for momentarily getting worked up over something that he probably said to 20 other people today.

“I’ll see you again, yeah?” He asked, his words coming out rushed, and what the hell were you supposed to do? Say no?! You obviously wanted to see him again, that would be awesome, but the chances of you winning a fan call raffle twice were so low, you would be crazy to think that you’d ever have a moment like this again.

“Yeah… Yeah, you will.” You said, because even though you knew he was just very skilled in acting, you might as well play along with it. For a few short seconds, you had been Song Mingis girlfriend… And now that you had moved to a call with Wooyoung… All you could think about Mingi and his words and the way he looked at you. It drove you crazy… He drove you crazy. He had just become your ultimate bias though!

///

“I’m not gonna be able to go to the Ateez concert.” Your friend mumbled, and part of you, the more selfish part of you, was partially glad that she wasn’t able to go. She had flaunted the fact that she got front row tickets and you hadn’t been able to get even a back seat, they were sold out before payday. “Stupid fucking job, not giving me a day off. I requested it too!”

“That’s bullshit.” You shook your head, trying your best to sympathize with her, but all you could selfishly think was that if you weren’t lucky enough to go, she shouldn’t be lucky enough to go either. “Are you going to sell the ticket? You could get some good profit considering it’s a front row seat.” You quizzed, but the way she was looking at you made you quite uneasy. It looked like she was planning something… or at least thinking of something, and you didn’t know if it was malicious or something else completely. She was hard to read.

Long, manicured nails tapped against the table top, the sound putting you even more on edge, and then she sighed. “I know that your birthday is coming up, and… well I’m poor because I bought this damn ticket so…” Her shoulders shrugged, but there was a slight, tight lipped smile spreading across her face. “I’m just gonna give it to you. Happy early birthday! Yay! Tell Yuno I love him so much.”

Your jaw might as well have been on the floor. Was fate really giving you a good hand this year? Was this all that good karma you had earned from being a wonderful citizen in society? “Holy shit… No way! Are you being serious right now?” You just had to be sure. There was no way someone would just give up a front row ticket, especially not for free, even if it were your best friend. There had to be some kind of clause.

“Yes, I’m serious. Now, accept it before I change my mind and just skip work that day. I would have done that anyway if I didn’t have to pay rent.” She rolled her eyes and sunk down in her seat. “Take as many pictures and videos as you can… for me. Please! That’s all I’m asking for.” You nodded your head firmly, shit, that was the easiest thing you’d have to do. “He’ll probably look so good… Maybe…”

“No take backs!” You blurted out, your finger waving back and forth as you stared at her, and you hoped that she thought you were just goofing around and that your expression didn’t let on just how panicked you felt just by her words. “I will facetime you just so you feel like you’re actually there… Okay?” She was sulking, as anyone would be, you knew damn well that you would be if you were in the same position as her.

“Just have fun… And make a big sign, you have to get at least one of them to notice you, especially since you’re front row. Take advantage of those seats, bitch.” She teased, reaching her hands across the table to grab yours as she let out a little squeal, kicking her feet and acting as if she were still the one going. Maybe she was just trying to hype you up. “I gave you the best birthday gift, nobody can top me, they shouldn’t even try.”

“They should definitely still try though… I mean… I like getting things.” She snorted loudly, and you couldn’t help but laugh along with her. She was absolutely crazy and you absolutely adored her. A world without her as your best friend would be dull and boring and you didn’t even want to think about how sad it would be. You would have the best time of your life at that concert, and you’d do it for her.

///

Picking out an outfit for something like a concert was much harder than picking out an outfit for a video call. This was important, especially since you were going to be in the front row. One of them - hopefully Mingi - would look directly at you at some point. You couldn’t just be casual about it, you had to draw attention to yourself, you had to make sure that you were noticed. This decision felt more crucial than anything else in your life, and that seems quite absurd, but these guys had been the subjects of all your dreams and daydreams, you at least wanted to look good in front of them.

You had only been to one other concert in your entire life, and it was back during middle school for an indie group when you were going through your “emo” phase. This was bigger than that, you could already tell as you pulled up to the arena and saw the people pouring into the entrance. Your heart was hammering in your chest, it was crazy, you had even gotten there 2 hours early to try to make things easier on yourself but the crowd was already massive.

The lightstick in your hand was already shaking, but only because of your nerves, but you knew that you couldn’t just sit in the back of the Uber forever, so you climbed out, taking a deep breath before heading into the building. It was somehow more packed inside than it was even outside and it was so insanely congested that it felt more like a train station than an arena for a concert. Did all concert venues look like this or was it just because ATEEZ was performing?

Since you were front row, you got to go in and watch them warm up… funnily enough, you felt you might miss it considering you didn’t have a single idea where the hell you were going. You were trying your best to navigate through this cluster of people that were just as excited as you were, and you wished that you had someone to help walk you through this whole thing. It was so loud and you were being bumped into, and while they apologized for it, it didn’t make you any less anxious.

By the time you finally made it in the arena, you were just exhausted. The big sign that you had made and brought along with you had miraculously made it through all of it unscathed, but you were drained. You dropped down into your seat, hoping that your hair and your outfit had survived as well as the sign, but there was no mirror and you didn’t want to risk getting lost on your way to or from the bathroom, so you just had to rely on that hope that you still looked as good as you did when you left the house.

It felt like you hadn’t even had enough time to really catch your breath or cool off before the guys were walking out on stage. Everyone around you was screaming, but you were so enamored by the sight of them, literally right in front of you, that your mouth was hanging open but no sound was coming out. You had really thought that the video call was the most amazing thing, but now, you were sure that you were wrong. They were legitimately real, they were right in front of you. “Holy shit…” You mumbled to yourself, and for some reason, even though there were still a pretty good amount of people around you, you were self conscious, you were shy, you were nervous.

They came to the edge of the stage, one by one, and they all walked by and finished hand hearts that other people were making and stayed still long enough to be in selfies with certain people, none of them really stopped for longer than a minute tops… No one, other than Mingi.

Oh, Mingi… Who had managed to make your heart flutter through a simple video call, he made you feel like you were going crazy… Surely he wouldn’t remember you though. But why… Why did he full stop on your side of the stage? Why did he kneel down in front of you, his eyes locking with yours as his head tilted to the side? Gosh, he was adorable. There was no way that he would notice you after the couple months that had passed. The video call hadn’t lasted long enough for your face to be saved in his memory. Had it?

The chants of the people beside you seemed to pull him out of whatever trance he was in, and he quickly stood up and scurried along the stage, but it didn’t go unnoticed that he continued to look back at you, his eyes narrowing as if in deep thought. Did he remember you?

Soon enough they were off the stage and the rest of the stadium began to fill. The noise was much worse inside the arena, the sound just echoing off the walls and filling your ears, and you wondered how people could handle it constantly. You were sure that you’d have a major headache once you got out of there. The sudden influx of people and the growing excitement of the show that was about to begin had taken your mind off of the slightly strange interaction from before. You shouldn’t think so hard about those things, it was foolish and you didn’t want to be delusional.

As the show started, the screams that you had originally thought to be loud seemed to multiply tenfold and your ears were already ringing. Of course, you had a seat right next to the speaker. Would your eardrums even make it through the night? Were there enough ibuprofen in the world to soothe the awful ache in your head once you got back home?

It didn’t matter now, you just wanted to enjoy the show. You were here to enjoy the concert, to live the experience… But also, not forget to get enough video footage of Yunho to thank your friend for the ticket. This was something that you wouldn’t be able to do again, at least for a long time. Screw the headache, you should enjoy it while it lasts, and that’s exactly what you were going to do.

///

“I swear, I think that’s her in the front row.” Mingi said backstage after the warmups. The guys all stared at him like he was crazy, but he knew that he wasn’t. He knew your face, he knew your eyes, they had filled his dreams every night… They thought he was crazy for that too. “I’m so serious right now. I wouldn’t say it’s her if it wasn’t.”

Wooyoung snorted, but patted Mingi on the back as he walked by. “Maybe you’re the delusional one. Spotting your dream girl out in the crowd. That’s crazy. Come on, we have to get ready. Get your head out of your ass.” Mingi pouted as he walked over to the stylist and dropped down into his seat beside Hongjoong.

“I’m being so serious right now. You believe me, right? I mean… You saw her in the call. You know what she looks like. That was her out in the crowd… Right?” Mingi asked, trying to keep his voice down so that Wooyoung wouldn’t come over and completely crush his dreams and rain on his parade. Hongjoong chewed on his bottom lip, looking at Mingi through the mirrors that were in front of them. “You… You believe me… Don’t you?”

Hongjoong sighed, turning to Mingi with a slight pout. “I didn’t… But if you really believe you saw her, I’m happy for you. I’m not going to tell you that you’re crazy.” He pushed himself up off of his chair and stretched, preparing himself for the show that he was about to put on for all the fans. “It’s almost time to go out there…”

“Yeah! Maybe you’ll see your girlfriend!” Wooyoung chimed in, seemingly coming from out of nowhere. “It’s okay to be delusional, bud. I’m not judging you for it.” Although it seemed like he was judging him a lot for it, Mingi tried to avoid the teasing and focus more on the fact that he was about to head out on stage in less than five minutes.

He was so nervous though, not for the reasons that most would think though. Being up on stage in front of thousands of people wasn’t the issue, it was being up on stage in front of you. What were the chances of you winning a fancall and being at a show too? It’s like the universe was trying to bring the both of you together. He truly believed that. He couldn’t think of any other reason for those two things to happen. Especially with you being right in front… Front row seats, like he was meant to see you. It wasn’t a coincidence, it couldn’t be, and he knew that it was you. Your face was unforgettable to him. He daydreamt about it every day, he would have dreams of you every night. He couldn’t get you out of his head.

///

The speakers in front of you send vibrations through the air around you, you could feel it in your muscles, in your bones. The entire arena went dark for a moment, and then you heard the crowd roar as they walked out. You had already seen them once during their warm up, but it was like the first time again, your breath held in your lungs as they walked out, the music crescendoing the closer they got to the edge of the stage.

It felt like when you ride a rollercoaster, the slow climb to the top of the hill, and you knew that the edge was coming soon, that feeling of falling, excitement and fear all in one… But this time there was no fear, it was just the strange tingly feeling in your stomach, that last breath of air before you’d let it all out in one loud scream.

Building and building, their bodies like shadows in the darkness, and then with one click the spotlights turned on and they were illuminated, the bright lights shining on each and every one of them, but you were only looking specifically at one. An audible gasp left your lips as you seemed to once again lock eyes with Mingi.

Your hands shook as you held up the sign that you had made, feeling quite foolish now as it was hoisted above your head. “Call Me Mingi”, with your phone number written neatly at the bottom. It was a joke, one that your friend had laughed about right alongside you as she added the glitter to the glue hearts that had been neatly placed along the board.

It was crazy, you and your friend both agreed to that, but it was probably a good switch up from the typical signs that asked the idols to marry them. What was even crazier though was when Mingi pulled out his phone, aiming it in your direction and snapped a quick photo. You couldn’t be delusional, being delusional wasn’t good for your heart or your mind, but you also couldn’t help but think that maybe he took the photo so that he could check back on the sign… So that he could call you…

The rest of the concert felt more like a blur, stuck in your own mind thinking about what Mingi could have wanted that picture for. You didn’t see any of the other guys taking pictures of the crowd… Or maybe you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice if they did. You couldn’t stop thinking about it though, and before you knew it, the concert was over and you couldn’t even remember the setlist or the last song they played before the main lights in the arena turned back on and everyone began filing out.

Your friend was going to kill you, you hadn’t gotten a single video of Yunho for her. You honestly were quite pissed at yourself as well. This is why delusions aren’t good at all. You missed the whole concert, one that you most likely were never going to be able to experience ever again, because you were too busy thinking about whether Song Mingi, a literal idol, would make the time to call someone like you.

///

“You didn’t get a single video of Yunho!? Oh my god!” Your friend whined as you laid in bed, your phone next to your head, not even on speaker, but her voice was loud enough that it didn’t need to be. “Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t go to the concert. I can’t afford to be a delulu as your ass.”

“I’m sorry!” You mumbled, throwing your hands over your face and letting out a loud groan. “I just… I’m not even thinking about him calling my number at this point. I just don’t want him to post a picture of it online and have a bunch of people trying to call me or text me, you know?” You explained, finally getting over your delusions and moving onto a safer, yet still highly panic inducing train of thought.

“Oh! Your phone is going to be blowing up! You’ll finally be super popular!” Your friend teased, snorting loudly as she said it, but you could only muster a slightly annoyed shut up in response before your phone started vibrating. “It begins! Maybe he did post it!”

“Oh hell no! I’ll call you back!” You said quickly, ending the call with your friend to quickly answer the incoming call. “Look. I don’t know where you got my number, but if it’s from where I think it is, I will not tolerate unsolicited calls. This is harassment.”

“Oh…” The voice on the other end was quite timid, but you could tell it was a guy. He sounded kind of nervous, and although all of you wanted to believe who you thought it was, you didn’t want to go down that road again, at least not tonight. “But your number was on the sign… I thought you wanted the phone call.”

“The sign was a joke!” You explained exasperatedly, kicking your legs like a toddler in the store who was throwing a temper tantrum. You surely didn’t want to deal with this right now. “Unless you are Song Mingi, I’d advise you to hang up the phone and find someone else to bother this late at night.”

There was a chuckle, although the sound was slightly muffled, but it was extremely agitating that someone found this funny. As if harassment was something comical nowadays. “So I shouldn’t hang up the phone then… Right?” You scoffed loudly, finally getting up from your bed and pacing around your room, something that you often did when you were just too annoyed to sit still.

“Look, this isn’t funny. If you’re doing this to mess with me, I’m sure you’ve already had your fun. I’m trying to get some sleep, I’m exhausted. It would be really cool of you to not fuck with people like this.” The words came out in huffed breaths, you were beyond pissed, not just at whoever this person was, but at yourself for being stupid enough to put your number out so publicly just on the small chance that someone like Song Mingi would actually dial your number.

A soft hum, and then your phone started vibrating again, this time an invite to a video call that you surely weren’t up to accepting. You let it continue ringing until it ended, and you thought that it would be a one and done type of thing, but then it started vibrating again. “Just for a second, you don’t even have to be on the camera, I just want to show you something.”

You didn’t exactly mean to laugh as loudly as you did, but you had heard that line one too many times in your lifetime to trust it. “Look bud, I don’t want to see a live action shot of your dick and balls. I wasn’t born yesterday.” You snarkily shot back, and the audible gasp that came through your speaker had it crackling slightly.

“Who did that to you? That’s disgusting… Hold up. We don’t have to call. I’ll just… Send you a selfie real quick. Not of my dick and balls.” Were you so annoyed that you were laughing, or did you actually find him funny? You weren’t sure, but regardless of what it was, you laughed at his little quip, your hand moving over your mouth so that the guy didn’t think he was actually getting anywhere right now.

Your phone buzzed in your hand once again, and luckily it was only once, but when you went to your texts, you were met with a selfie of the guy that was on the other end of the line… The guy that the sign had been made for. “I call bullshit!” You blurted out, because there was no way in hell your little glitter bomb sign would have worked. You just couldn’t fathom it.

“Reverse image search it then. It doesn’t exist anywhere else than in your messages.” He said rather bluntly, quite cockily too. Now that you were really listening to his voice though, you couldn’t deny that it sounded all too familiar to the voice you heard at the concert, and not just that, but the voice you had heard in your phone before when you had won the fancall. You were stunned into silence, you didn’t know what to say or what to do next, and he could tell. “You believe me now?”

“Mmhm…” Was all you could mutter, because what else were you supposed to say? How were you supposed to think of anything coherent when you were currently in a very real, very one on one call with Song Mingi… Or was it one on one? Did his managers know about this call? Were they just standing around him listening to every word you and him say? Did they freak out when he sent the selfie to you?

“So… I’m going to be here… Close to you… For another two days…” What was he hinting at? Ain’t no way he was hinting at what you thought he was… right? “If you want to meet up for lunch or dinner… or something…” Holy shit he was. “I know that this is crazy, I just needed to be sure…”

“Sure of what?” You asked, and your heart felt like a freight train, speeding straight to your ribcage and you were sure it was going to shoot out in a matter of seconds.

“I… I need to be sure that I do actually like you…”

///

Two days wasn’t enough, but in a sense, it was for him. It felt like a dream when he finally met up with you, even though he had to practically disguise himself from the public, it felt nice to just be able to sit across from you for lunch and talk to you. It didn’t take long for him to be 100… No… 500% sure that you were the woman that he wanted to be with. Love worked in crazy ways, but he trusted it, because the odds of everything lining up so perfectly to get to this moment… It was fate, it had to be.

The way your body froze for a second before melting against his when he so suddenly pressed his lips to yours. It was a spur of the moment thing, but it felt right, and he needed to kiss you now because he knew that the moment wouldn’t come again for a long time. It wasn’t supposed to lead to anything more, it wasn’t what he had planned, but before either of you could really think twice, you were falling back onto the hotel mattress and he was falling on top of you.

In that moment, it was like his heart grew ten times bigger, and laying beside you, your hair carelessly clinging to your sweat covered forehead as you dozed peacefully beside him… Love wasn’t hard to find, the world was just waiting to bring the one you were supposed to love to you. That’s how he felt, and he believed it wholeheartedly. How could he not when he felt like he was falling deeper and deeper in love with you with every soft breath that escaped your lips.

To live in that moment forever, both bodies hidden underneath wrinkled sheets, his feet hanging out from the end of the blanket, your arm draped lazily over his bare chest. Could you feel his heart beating beneath his skin? It seemed like now it was only beating for you. He saw his future flash before his eyes, mornings like this, every morning like this, just waking up beside you, being able to see your beautiful face as soon as he opened his eyes. What a wonderful future it would be to spend it with you.

Falling in love was easy when it was with you, but it was hard… It was hard because he knew he couldn’t stay with you, at least not in person. He had to go back to Korea, he had to finish the rest of the tour. His heart felt like it was connected to yours entirely, and having to leave you behind was going to be painful… But it would work. He’d make it work, solely because he couldn’t imagine his life without you in it.

“I wish I could take you with me…” He whispered, and while he knew that that wish couldn’t be granted, not yet at least, he had been able to swindle security to pick you up just so that he could ride with you to the airport, so that he’d be able to see you one last time before he had to go. “I’ll message you… I’ll call you every day.”

“What if you get bored?” You practically whimpered, and his heart cracked at the question. How could he ever get bored of you? He had spent months before the concert just thinking about you before he even knew where you lived or what you were truly like. He had been loyal to the singular thought of you. There was no way that he’d give up so easily when he finally had you and was able to call you his.

“I’d never get bored, baby. I’ll wait, always… Until we can be together.” He reassured you, his hands cupping your cheeks gently as he wiped away the stray tears that fell from your eyes. “Don’t cry, please don’t cry. I’ll start crying and then I won’t be able to get out of the car because I won’t want to leave you…” He kissed your forehead, and then the tip of your nose before leaning back and giving you a smile that had his eyes disappearing momentarily. It was your favorite smile, you had told him multiple times, and it always seemed to cheer you up.

“I’m sorry…” You sniffled, leaning forward and resting your head against his chest. Could you hear his heart now, could you hear how fast it was beating for you? “You should go now… I don’t want you to miss your flight.” The words sounded choked out, and he would have said more, but he knew that his words would come out the same way.

For some people, two days wasn’t even enough to be acquaintances, but for him, two days was enough for him to feel like his heart belonged to you completely. You were his soulmate, his everything, without a doubt… He wouldn’t even look at another woman, he wouldn’t be able to look at anything without somehow finding a way to see you in whatever it was. He loved you with every ounce, every fiber of his being.

“I’ll… I’ll try to make a stop here after the tour… I’ll visit you again… Before I go back to Korea… Okay?” He held out his pinky to lock with yours, twisting his hand and pressing his and your thumbs together. “Wait for me… Always wait for me, okay?” You nodded your head quickly, your nose scrunched up in the most adorable way as the tears continued to fall down your cheeks. With one last kiss, he was moving away, closer to the door. He hated goodbyes. “Get her home safe, okay… Please.” He told the driver who simply nodded, and then he was gone.

The windows were tinted, and although he knew that you could see him constantly looking back at you through the windows, he couldn’t see you at all. The last image of you that he held in his mind was your tear stained cheeks and the expression of sadness as he let go of your finger and your hand dropped back down to your lap. He wished he could take you with him, but life just wouldn’t allow that… Not right now at least.

///

For a good amount of time, you both kept in touch with each other frequently. Hell, you even had your first argument as soon as he got back to Korea because he pinky promised that he’d come visit you before he left, but he didn’t. It was quickly solved though, because one of the main things the two of you had going for the relationship was communication. He promised that when he had free time he would come visit you for a week, and you held onto that promise just as you had held onto the one from before.

You would talk about how your day was, all the little things that happened, regardless of time difference or schedules, you both always found a way to keep in contact. For months your nights would end with video calls from him, and his nights would end with video calls from you. Everything was perfect, he truly felt that way.

But soon the messages came in less often, it seemed like you were always busy doing something when he wanted to talk. He’d call you at night and you wouldn’t answer, always miraculously not having your phone with you or on when the call would come in. He didn’t understand it, and when he went to one of the other members to talk, he didn’t want to hear what they had to say either.

There was no way that you were getting tired of him. You couldn’t be getting bored… Because he promised you that he wouldn’t get bored. It would be hypocritical for you to ask him if he’d get bored of you and then… then get bored of him.

The thought stuck with him though, and while that would usually make most people give up, it just made him try harder. He messaged you as much as he could, he sent you constant pictures, he tried to call you whenever he knew you’d be on a lunch break or when you’d usually get off work. Your responses were always so dry though. Were you trying to get rid of him? Had he done something wrong? He was doing his best, it’s not like he enjoyed being so far away from you. It had only been 3 months… He was willing to wait forever to be with you… Why couldn't you do the same for him?

“Hey baby, how did you sleep?” Nowadays he felt nervous when he texted you. He didn’t know whether he’d get a one word reply or no reply at all. It felt pathetic that the days he’d get the one word replies were his favorite, but you had been leaving him on read so often now that even the smallest response felt like a win to him.

“I think we should talk…” A five word reply, and while the words didn’t sit right with him and they made his stomach do flips, it was nice. It was nice to think that you wanted to talk to him, regardless of what it was about.

“Yeah sure! I’m down to talk, do you want to call? I haven’t seen you in a while. I miss you!”

“No calling… It’ll just make this harder.” Make what harder? What were you going to say that could possibly be so hard? You weren’t… leaving him… were you? You couldn’t be… He hadn’t done anything wrong. He was devoted to you, he was loyal to you in every way. You weren’t just going to give up on him that easily… Were you?

“Well, whatever it is that you have to say, I want you to know that I love you. I can’t wait to see you again!” Maybe that text would make you rethink whatever it was that you were about to send. If you knew that he loved you, although he did tell you every single day, maybe you’d realize that whatever you were planning on doing wasn’t the right thing to do.

“Mingi… I can’t keep this up. I… found someone else…”

“No you didn’t… No you didn’t!” He was already crying even though he wanted his mind to just forget that he had even read that text. “You love me! Don’t you love me?!” You had to love him… Why else would you have been so sad in the car when he went to the airport? “Is this because I couldn’t visit you after the tour was over? I’m sorry! I’ll come visit you! I’ll buy a plane ticket right now!”

“It’s not that… I need someone that’s here with me. I don’t just want to keep repeating the same conversations every single day. The schedule differences and… Everything is stacked up against us… We weren’t going to work.”

How could you say something like that? He was doing everything he possibly could to make it work. He was the one putting in all the effort. He was the one staying up later than he should just to be able to call you and message you when you were free. “No… You just didn’t want it to work… I still do!” His fingers moved like lightning across his screen, his eyes blurred with the tears that he was trying so hard to hold back. “You can’t decide something like that.. If you would have talked to me… We could have made it work.”

Did you know that you were killing him, that you were breaking his heart? Would you take the words back if he told you? “I don’t want to argue with you… I just wanted you to know…” Were you as nonchalant as your texts made it seem you were? You really didn’t care… But maybe… Maybe if he gave you some time… A bit of time you’d come to realize that you did love him. He won’t message you… He’ll let it simmer… Maybe you’ll end up missing him and messaging him first.

So he waited, and days turned into weeks, and he thought he’d be able to wait a month, but then you started posting on Instagram. You looked so happy in your pictures, you looked absolutely gorgeous, and the smile that you were wearing was the same one you had given him during those two days he got to be with you. He swiped through, and he was fine… Maybe not as fine as he wanted to be, but he was fine with seeing the pictures of just you. It brought back happier memories of when he was able to actually be with you. Then he got to the last picture, the guy that you were currently with, he assumed, his arms around you and his lips planted to your cheek.

As if your words hadn’t been enough to have his heart breaking in two, the pictures felt like you were purposely throwing it in his face that he couldn’t be with you, that he couldn’t make you happy. He couldn’t stand seeing it, he was pissed, he was devastated, he wanted to lash out and he wanted to cry. Why were you doing this to him? What had he done?

There wasn’t a single thought in his mind as he closed the instagram app and went to kakao, not even bothering to text you before his thumb slammed down on the call button. He didn’t care if you answered the first time, he’d just keep calling until you did, and that’s exactly what he had to do. It took 6 times for your exasperated breath to come through the speaker when you finally answered, but he wasn’t going to give you any time to complain.

“Did you post it to piss me off or upset me? Because you did both! I guess you’re really winning now, aren’t you? You got to break up with a k-pop idol and break his heart! Good for you!” Right off the bat he was ranting, and maybe he sounded a little bit psychotic, maybe he sounded just slightly obsessed, but when you’re in love with someone, isn’t that how it should be?

The sound of a man talking in the background had Mingis ears perking up. Were you with the guy still? Oh, how he wished the guy would get on the phone, he’d love to have a word with him. “You’re being ridiculous. I had a clear, logical reason to break up with you. I didn’t do it to hurt you or piss you off. I just wanted to be happy.” How could you sound so sad when you were the one that left him. He didn’t do this! You did!

“What about my happiness?!” He screeched, running his hand through his hair. He had become aware of the rest of the guys all coming into the room to check on him, but he didn’t care enough to stop. You were going to listen to what he had to say, and those that decided to stick around would have to listen to it too. “You gave up on everything… You’re so selfish! And you weren’t even going to tell me!”

“I was going to tell you!” You shouted back, and for some reason, it made him kind of excited to hear you fighting back. Something about hearing you get emotional over his words… It had butterflies swarming his stomach. “I didn’t even have time to fully think about how I was going to tell you, but you kept fucking messaging me and-”

“Of course I kept messaging you! You were my girlfriend and I hadn’t heard from you! Don’t try to act like I’m the bad guy when you’re the one who was practically cheating on me!” While he was angry, he was also struggling to keep from laughing. It would probably sound a bit maniacal to start laughing right now though, and that’s the last thing he wanted. He just found it so cute, the way you were swearing and breathing so heavily, he could almost perfectly envision your face right now.

You huffed loudly, and the sound was so beautiful to him. Maybe it was just the fact that you hadn’t hung up yet… You were still making time out of your day that you were spending with your boyfriend to focus on him. “I don’t know why you’re being such an asshole right now… I didn’t do anything to you. I never cheated on you… We… What we had… It couldn’t even be considered dating… We were only together for two days…”

Now he was laughing though, his head falling back as the sound built in his chest. “Yeah okay! Let’s just hope that your boyfriend doesn’t have to go out of town or leave the country for more than a week. You might replace him too!” He shot back and he could almost hear the eye roll from your end. “Maybe you’re not actually meant for relationships, you just want someone to physically dote upon you daily. Sorry I couldn’t fit your selfish needs into my already busy schedule.”

A small sniffle and the shuffling of fabric, maybe you were wiping your tears or maybe your wonderful boyfriend had come over to wipe them for you. “You’re being unnecessarily mean to me right now…” You whispered, sniffling again before swallowing thickly. “I’m sorry that you’re hung up… And I’m sorry that my happiness is upsetting you. I’m not asking you to stick around though… I’m not forcing you to. You don’t have to stalk my life… You can unfollow me.”

Of course he wasn’t going to do that. He couldn’t imagine not seeing you on his feed when he opened Instagram, or not having your messages to look back on when he missed you too much. “You’re happiness won’t last long… You’re too selfish to be truly happy with anyone. The first time you can’t get exactly what you want, you give up. Have fun with that.”

“I-” He quickly hung up, and it was only then that it sank in what he had done… And a wide smile spread across his face. He’d be kicking his feet if they weren’t touching the floor over the edge of the bed. The call only lasted 20 minutes tops, but hearing your voice that long… It was amazing, it made his heart beat a mile a minute and that familiar warm and fuzzy feeling washed over him.

“Dude… What the fuck?” Wooyoung finally spoke up, concern masking the man's features as he stared at Mingi on the bed. No one had ever heard him talk like that before, and truthfully, he looked and was acting like a complete psychopath right now. “Who was that? What’s going on right now?”

“I found a way to talk to her…” Mingi said, his chest rising and falling heavily as he let himself drop back onto the bed. He was happy, the happiest he’s been in weeks. “She’ll keep talking if we argue… I just have to keep arguing with her… Then she’ll come back to me. She’ll realize how much she misses me… This’ll work. I know it will.”

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television-overload · 9 months

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Get to know your fic writer (no pressure):

1, 4, 13, 16, 22, 25 (add link if you want), 40, 54, 56

Ooh yay! Thanks for the ask! I think I copied these all over correctly. I was bored so I went in-depth 😂 Here we go:

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I've been sitting here for like 5 minutes trying to figure out which I prefer 😂. I find myself coming up with multi-chapter ideas more often I think, really grand plots that I definitely don't have time to devote attention to. I also run into the problem of not knowing how to fill in between the parts that I do I have ideas for, so true multi-chapter fics are a rarity. I've had a few times where a one-shot turned into a multi chap, and THOSE tend to work better and are way more cohesive. One of my favorites is one I wrote for Star Wars (wrong blog, oops 😅) but both chapters were a lot stronger than my usual stuff, and it performed way better on AO3 which was really gratifying.

I've always wanted to write a true masterpiece where readers are anxiously awaiting the next chapter, like so many I've read, but I don't know if I've ever gotten there yet. Maybe a few when I used to write NCIS stuff on fanfiction.net.

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Songs, a lot of times. They hit me in the feels. Sometimes a line in a fic I'm reading will spark an idea, something I haven't thought about, a new interpretation of an existing scene from the source material. Gifsets, Tumblr meta analysis, movies I'm watching. So many places. I feel like half of them come to me when I'm at work, which is very inconvenient. The aforementioned Star Wars two-shot was half written on the bus ride home from work in the notes app on my phone. I've written several in the aftermath of particularly good or bad episodes/movies. Fix-it fanfic is always great, I feel like I need to write more of it.

13. What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

I haven't done this for very long, but lately in my adulthood (as opposed to my teenage fics *shudders*) I've actually been pretty good about writing out an outline and going back to edit later. I used to just spew everything in a word doc and barely go through it before posting, but now I reread it to death, mostly to make sure it flows well. My outlines are, shall we say, extensive. The Star Wars fic I'm working on now had 20 chapters outlined and it totaled over 20,000 words. I've basically storyboarded the whole thing and then I go through and convert that to actual scenes. Important dialogue moments I want to hit are included, cause I know I'll forget them if I don't write them as they come to me. It helps me to be able to see the big picture, so that I don't give up on the project halfway through. But for spur of the moment fics or most one-shots, I still mostly write as I go. Occasionally if I have a thought that I want to make sure to include in a later scene, I'll just tack it on at the bottom of the doc and delete it once I get to that point and I put it in writing.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them.

They're scattered all over the place so that's a good question that God probably only knows the answer to. Some are barely even ideas but take up a line or two in my notes app on my phone. Some probably live only in my brain, forgotten until something triggers me to remember that I was thinking of writing it 😅.

I'd love to do something with @irish-trish 's prompt to fill in the scene from NCIS "She mentioned you at the funeral, I could see what she felt." It sounds right up my alley, but there's a Star Wars fic week coming up in September that I want to actually do on time this year, so I can't allow myself to shift focus to NCIS quite yet 😭

Other than that, I want to write a second chapter to my X-Files fic "Field of Dreams" where Mulder gets to play catch with his son. I really loved writing that fic.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

Nothing spicy. I don't think I'd ever write in first person unless it was in the form of a letter. Other than that, I think I'd do pretty much whatever. It's just a matter of what I have the skills for I think 😂

Not a fan of AUs, except canon divergence, obviously. To me, the way the characters meet is so integral to who they are that it can't be changed much or it just doesn't feel like them. I've read maybe one fic that changed how characters met (Mulder and Scully) but that was the result of time travel and all sorts of things that warmed me up to the idea, plus the characters as we know them were still there. Alternate universe in the truest sense. I got distracted, what were we talking about?

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

The two fics I think of as my comfort fics, ones I found really peaceful and natural to write, would have been nice to see get more attention. I've been writing on and off for like a decade now (😳) and I've only ever really had one fic truly pop off in terms of kudos and comments. Which are literally my life blood 😂. But a lot of my older stuff I look back on and I'm like, yeah, that wasn't that great.

My Star Wars (Obi-Wan and Satine) one shot "this could be such a dream" I found really emotional and relaxing to write. I was kind of surprised it didn't go very far, but it was part of a weekly challenge thing so I suppose it makes sense in a way.

To get back to the TV shows I write for, though (since that's the focus or THIS blog), I really really loved my X-Files fic "Field of Dreams", in large part because I love that movie which inspired it, and I love a domestic, peaceful and content-if-not-happy happily ever after for Mulder and Scully. The movie itself makes me cry and feel so many feels, and I thought the connection to Fox Mulder was a really good one.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

I would welcome anythinggggg, that is my dream!! I haven't really written anything I'm super proud of yet in the NCIS fandom that I feel would warrant art, but maybe someday! I'm working on a Star Wars "Sound of Music" type looooong fic rn and boy, the amount of work I've put in, I would die if someone were engaged enough to be inspired by it.

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Honestly, I get so excited to post it. I hope people will enjoy what I've written. I've read so much great fanfic, that I just want to contribute my 2 cents to the fandoms. Getting comments (as rare as it often is) literally makes my day and makes it all worthwhile to me. Any form of engagement, interaction here on Tumblr, that's what I strive for. But I also write for me. Exploring ideas I've never seen done before, filling in gaps in the fandom, I love it. Those comfort fics I was talking about, I love to just go back and read. It doesn't really matter, in the end, if they touched other people like they do me. I like them and that's what matters. The fics I'm not so proud of? I've been transferring them over from Tumblr and fanfiction.net anyway because some of them have received really lovely comments and people might enjoy them despite how I feel.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I hope I'm improving on descriptive language. I want to bring out emotions in my writing, and I think there's been definite improvement since I started. I'm also thankful that I have a grasp on grammar and spelling and all the typical writing conventions. That can be a turn off to a lot of readers if it's a complete mess, so luckily I was always a pretty harsh editor throughout my schooling 😅

Get to know your fic writer

#asks #askbox #get to know your fic writer #get to know me #fanfic writing #my fanfic #fanfiction

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blorbocedes · 2 years

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your beloved parallel universe wife anon here, i'm coming once again into your inbox because i was just imagining lewis and nico in a russian doll-like situation (i don't know if you've watched the series, the one with natasha lyonne, if you haven't i strongly recommend it because it's amazing, especially the first season). well, let's imagine lewis finds himself stuck in a time loop, forced to relive the same day over and over again and he's literally going crazy because he's got no damn clue about how to get out of the loop, and also because he can't tell anyone about what's happening to him or they'd definitely think he's lost his mind. until one of these days that he's relived countless times (even though, despite the setting always being the same, the days all look different because he's been trying to figure out how to get out of this) he meets nico in the lift of their montecarlo building and that's how he finds out that nico is in the same situation, stuck in a time loop he doesn't know how to escape. needless to say lewis isn't very pleased that he has to go through all of this with his former anything but lover *COUGHS VIOLENTLY* at first, but nico thinks there must be a reason that the universe is playing this trick on them, that maybe there's something they have to accomplish together if they want to get out of the loop. so every night they promise to find the other the following day so that they can keep investigating and trying to break the loop, and this of course makes them get closer and also pushes them to talk about everything that happened back in 2016 one day, making them reach some sort of reconciliation. and then the morning after they both realise that it's not the same day anymore, and that the universe, tired of their antics as well, probably pulled this prank on them because there are some things, some loves, that nothing could ever truly break and force apart

(cont) 'so lewis figures that it's maybe about damn time he gives nico another chance and they decide to start over '

my lovely anonwifestie im thinking it's time we renew our vows again 🤭🥰 im still as in love with you as the first time we met

first of all I LOVE Russian Doll, i binged season 2 in like 2 days, nat lyonne fucks so hard and the outfit inspo!!! ugh!

I am such a sucker for forceful magical trope where the solution is reconciliation 😭 I've actually written them for other fandoms!!! the thing about the Groundhog Day au (same day over and over) is that it is such a visual treat. i still have supernatural's "heat of the morning" stuck in my head and I'm not even an spn fucker 😭 just a tumblr heyday connoisseur. however I Have read some fics that capture the Groundhog Day vibes just perfect, the repetitiveness the unease the going from denial to perfect memorisation of every possibility by day 200...... all that good stuff. could I do it justice? no, but is it a delicious delicious concept? yes

Lewis was tired of dying by the stairs. He'd avoided the lift every time he saw Nico's blonde hair through the closing gap of the elevator doors. But he'd been through so many loops at this point, he just wanted to be able to go to up his room, see Roscoe again -- the day starting from the Mercedes motorhome and him being unsuccessful to get back to his apartment.

This time, he walks in the elevator. He expects Nico to avoid him, the cool silence between the two the handful of times they've shared the lift over, what, a decade of living here? That would be par for the course.

Instead, Nico's eyes widen. "That's new." He says, under his breath.

Lewis is immediately out of patience, he's died too many times to care. "Nico," oh, it feels good to say his name, to stop pretending he's above it all, "Shut up, man. You won't believe the kind of day I'm having." Days now, if not weeks. He's lost count.

Chances are Lewis will turn on a light switch at his apartment and die anyways, so why bother with all the energy it took to avoid Nico? When nothing mattered anymore.

Nico laughed, a more expressive sound from him than Lewis has heard in years. "Touchy. Yeah, I bet."

Lewis is actually glad when the lights starts flashing red, pressure losing rapidly as their elevator fails. Better to pull the plug as fast as possible. He looks at Nico, to see the panic, horror, fear all the mundane expressions of when you're about to die. Instead, Nico is calm, almost smiling with his eyes closed.

"We're about to die, mate." Lewis comments, in case he hadn't noticed; was in some deep denial funk. Nah, Nico didn't get to walk out of this.

Nico opens his eyes to smirk at him, always leaving with the last word, doesn't he?

He knocks the wind out of Lewis more than the eventual crunch will.

"It's okay, I die all the time."

Wait, what?!

Everything goes black.

Lewis wakes up in his Mercedes motorhome to the same fucking annoying affirmations alarm. 'You are loved. You are important. You are the best you can be. You will rise again.'

But this time, he has a purpose. He has to find Nico.

(hehehe I hope you enjoyed it... I love love being stronger than every cosmic force in the universe...... how long do you think they'd take to get their shit together lol)

#blorbocedes ask #brocedes #russian doll au #my fics

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yellowloid · 2 years

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When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love.

i was tagged by @elorianna @glorious-blackout @trickztr and @fiireside - thank you my lovelies! 💖 i'm definitely *not* going to talk about my older fics i've written in my native language because they're not that good and i cringe a bit at the memory (but still with love, y'know) + i only have five published works on ao3, so i'm going to talk a bit about those! in no particular order because i'm very proud of each and every one of them.

• Demons, Nightmares and Relatable Stuff

{buzzfeed unsolved}

a little fic i wrote back in 2018, when i was still in the middle of a terrible case of writer's block. i had it since 2014 and it only went away in 2021; during the years in between, i was only able to write sporadically and with great difficulty. being able to work on and finish this, as short as it may be, was a great accomplishment for me. it was also the first fic i ever wrote in english, so i was really proud and even though i don't write about bfu anymore, i'm still a big fan of ryan, shane and everything they do, and this fic is still very dear to my heart.

• In the Woods Somewhere

{tlsp - milex}

my first milex fic and the fic that finally got me out of writer's block! also first attempt at writing fantasy AND smut. the idea had been in my head for a long time and i finally had the chance to put it on paper, so i just took the chance and looking back on it i'm so glad i did. i'm very fond of this one - i worked really hard on it and, as i already said elsewhere, i kept going back to it to fix things because i really wanted it to be as good as it could before posting it. i had a lot of fun writing it but i was also a bit obsessed, it needed to be perfect - and of course it isn't, it's definitely not my best work but it felt amazing to finally be able to write again. it still means a lot to me and when i posted it i was blown away by how supportive the milex fandom was and still is 💞💞

(also, it's almost been a year since i posted it and, y'know, if you still haven't read it maybe it's the right time to do it lmao)

• Terra Incognita

{tlsp - milex}

this is one of the fics i'm most proud of! it taught me that sometimes the things that come to you almost casually are the ones that end up surprising you most. i started writing it after putting another project aside and i just wanted to write something cute and simple. i had a clear idea of it in my head and i was very satisfied with how it turned out. however, being a big ass pessimist i didn't expect it to receive so much love when i posted it 😭 i was so happy that people were enjoying it; writing it and receiving such lovely feedback gave me a big boost of writing-serotonin, which i really needed after giving up on that other project i'd been working on. so yeah i'm really attached to this one 💖

• Away From Harm In My Baby's Arms

{tlsp - milex}

the first part of my first ever series. there's not much to say about this one, it's just cute and fluffy and it gives an overview of their relationship growing over the years, from the puppy love of the recording of taotu to the horny shenanigans of the eycte tour, and everything that happened between 2016 and today. there's a lot of reminiscing about the past, very cute but very angsty in some passages, but it's mostly Certified Fluff TM. it was inspired by my love for alex's hair and my ever-growing need to write essays on how his hairstyles reflect his mental state. the idea of miles braiding his hair just wouldn't leave my mind, so i HAD to write it down and make it extra fluffy. overall, i think this fic gives a nice preparation as to what to expect in the next parts of the series, especially when it comes to alex and miles' dynamic.

• All's Well That Ends Well (To End Up With You)

{tlsp - milex}

my baby, my love, my emotional support fic! definitely the one i'm most proud of along with Terra Incognita, but i have to admit i have the biggest soft spot for this one. it might very well be the longest fic i've ever written (i used to write long-fics when i was younger but they were definitely shorter than this); it's the first multi-chaptered fic i've been able to write ever since getting over my writer's block, and it just makes me a bit (very) emotional because if you told me from the past that i'd be able to write this i would have never believed it. and yet here we are - 65k words, which might not be that much for other people but it's definitely a lot for me. i worked on it very hard and i'm just so proud of it, i doubt i'll ever shut up about it. so much shit happened to me personal life-wise as i was writing it, and at the end of the day no matter what happened i always came back to this fic and it was like getting wrapped in the tightest, warmest hug. i've grown so attached to it, and i just love everything about it: the idea behind it, the dynamic between alex and miles and just the pure romanticism of it all. now that i'm almost done posting (only two more chapters to go!) i'm a bit sad that it's ending, but i'm also so excited to share the last chapters with you guys. you've shown this fic so much love and i'm here, a bit like a proud parent, seeing my baby go into the world and be appreciated 💖 idk i'm just really emotional over this fic, and i'm also very excited for the next and final part of the series. stay tuned for that!!

since i'm a bit late and everyone has already done it, i'm tagging whoever wants to do this 🥰

#aaah shit here we go again: crying after thinking too much about AWTEW #my writing #milex fanfiction #tag games

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anondudeao3 · 2 years

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It's been a while since I posted, and I just wanted to update, particularly about Broken!Verse, because that's pretty much at the forefront of my agenda.

First of all, a couple very big Real Life projects really kept me from working on anything for this account for quite a while, and then some medical issues for the last month and a half have been severely, severely reducing the amount I've been able to write, so that hasn't been great, or very conducive to updating in the least.

Secondly, irt b!v: I have over 30 WIPs for it, but I also, about a month ago, have just started questioning...just about everything about it. Basically I'm just feeling incredibly unsure of the series, both what I have so far (has it been bad and cringe all along? I have no way of knowing because I'm IN it, I'm very in my own atmospheric bubble about it usually, and I kind of feel like the mood has been popped and going back and rereading without the Mood, it's just Not Good. This isn't me fishing for compliments, this is...should I even continue with the series? Should I try to rewrite the series? I'm not even sure how to go about fixing it tbh), and especially where I'm taking it (because these last couple fics in the series have been the start of a turning point).

Particularly I'm just questioning whether any of the writing I have for the WIPs, which is at the VERY least 35k words, is even useable at all. And whether I'm taking the series...too far? Whether I'm unintentionally escalating in a way that I don't mean to? Because my intention has been to pretty much keep the level of the 'extremeness' of their sexual exploits and Tim's tastes I suppose at the same level throughout the whole series, but they have just been trying different stuff so it takes some different forms and there is some amount of variance but overall no real Difference in Tim's tastes and the type of sex they have. And the focus is on their Relationship, that is what's changing and growing. But I'm worried that's not the case? And I'm starting to wonder if I've...started to make the characters (especially Tim, but also the others) a parody of themselves maybe, in these upcoming WIPs? (And maybe in Movie Night. Tbh that one has felt very off to me ever since I wrote it; the tone just doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel like it fits with the rest of the series, and I can't put my finger on exactly why, and I could never figure out how to fix it). I'm also wondering if some of these are stepping over the line of too...self gratification-y? And kind of cracky sometimes? Which, yes, I know fanfiction is supposed to be about being allowed to write whatever you want and whatever you want to read, but I can't ignore that I now have thousands of loyal readers for this series who I am writing for, and I don't want to hand you complete rubbish.

One potential, at least partial, solution I am considering is creating a separate series for crackier stories in the universe, but which would not be part of the actual canon, which would still allow me to share some of the fun stuff I've written without having to worry so much about whether it's 'good' or even realistic, because by virtue of being crack, you are suspending all disbelief at the door to be entertained. However, this would not solve everything, as this would only be able to apply to some of the stories, whereas some of them definitely still need to be part of canon, so I would still need to work on figuring out how to tell what exactly the lines are and how to sort out if I'm going too far/staying consistent/making a parody of my own work.

I would welcome any thoughts or opinions on this (or any part of this post)!

#broken!verse #AD updates

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savrenim · 3 years

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hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

#my life #my writing #ifmlam

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colour-outside-the-liness · 3 years

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Hii! Yeah don't worry about it! Live your life, the internet people can wait, I know I appreciate you taking the time to reply, no matter how long it takes! 👍✨

Oh cool! France and LA that must've been fun, have always wanted to go to those places. Will get around to it eventually. I've lived in Brazil, Canada, and now Portugal, but I've also visited Orlando (Disneyland) and Miami in the US. Hoping I can go to Spain next year to visit my best friend too.

What did you say that got people making fun of you? haha Which fic did you insert that in? The only reason I cheat while playing games is bc I get bored easily so I have to add a little bit of spice hahaha and my morals are questionable I guess. 🤷‍♀️ My mbti is the architect (INTJ-T) so I guess that explains things a bit (?). Do you know your mbti? Omg your poor roommate hahaha I mean that's the best kind of winner to be, humble winners are boring as hell lol

Aren't you glad you had those drunken experiences when you were younger instead of now tho? I can't promise I'll never do stuff like that again but I'm fine with it being behind me for now hahaha. Omg you're totally right on the accent thing, hadn't thought about it that way!

What!! You should watch Stranger Things with her! It's sooo good, it's a guaranteed fun time for you two. My favourite episodes of thobm are 4 and 6 too, I like epi 9 only up until Dani's bathtub incident.

I like doing accents too but only to myself bc I'm too self-conscious haha Although I pick up accents really easily it's kinda embarrassing, sometimes people think I'm mocking them. Do people get offended when you try to do their accents? 😂 I got a scholarship at a british english school in my home country when I was a kid so I had an RP accent growing up but ended up with a generic American accent after watching too many American movies and TV shows. Sometimes it comes out generic Canadian too haha. Nordern English accent became my favourite tho after watching Billy Elliott when I was a teen!

Awwh gee thanks! I'm happy you liked my damie fan art! Didn't know you already started writing for medieval AU, makes sense people already thought to send you prompts for it, it's a really cool universe! Looking forward to updates on all your WIPS, love them all! Take your time if you need tho!

Sounds like a really fun weekend! Yeah I know what you mean, don't worry we won't tell them you have a favourite haha. Congrats on coming second on that game of crazy golf! 🎉 and thank you, I will!

Awwh thank you for understanding!! I'll always reply to people's comments eventually it just takes longer sometimes, but I will always get around to it eventually!! France was fun I went to Disney Land Paris and shared a hotel room with my roommate (yes she was on the trip too because she was in another photography class... we have been friends for so long now) it was honestly a lot of fun and I went to LA to visit my ex-girlfriend while we were still together it was a long distance relationship and I went out to LA and my roommate was invited too so we had a trip out there and had a great time I would 100% go back to LA some time!! So jealous that you've lived in Canada that's one place I really wanna go I would love to live there it looks like such a beautiful country!! I would love to go to Orlando and Miami... I wanna see all 50 states eventually if I can... so far I've seen one so only 49 to go haha!! Awwh I really hope you can get out to Spain to see your best friend!! Which is your favourite place you have visited so far? Okay so... the thing I said is in Can't Buy Me Love and it's a bit of a long story so I'll shorten it down here, but basically a group of us were talking about myths and things and I mentioned the myth of being able to see the Great Wall of china from the moon (you can't) and to add to the myth as a buster I genuinely said "Well that's the thing, people say you can see the Great Wall of China from the moon... but can you see the moon from the Great Wall of China?" and it took a good five minutes of people telling me you could see it from my house and just about anywhere else to realise that, if the moon is out, and it's a clear night, and you're y'know facing the moon... you can pretty much see it anywhere... but that's what people still mock me about... that I asked if you can see the moon from the Great Wall of China... so I put that in CBML and had it as a story Dani tells Jamie. Haha I love your reason for cheating and think it's as good as a reason as any haha!! I do know my mbti... mine is the campaigner...EFNP-T... I don't know what these mean either I read it a while ago but forgot what it meant I just know what I am haha... oh yeah she's had a lot to put up with so she just won't play games with me anymore... oh yeah I agree humble winners are okay but I do like a good bit of bragging when you win a game I am glad yeah... although the road sign incident was only... 3 years ago haha like I would like to say I was a lot younger then but I wasn't haha the black out incident I was though... I can't drink much anymore though because of medication I'm on (life long medication) so I can have maybe one or two drinks and that's it so I can't do things like that again which is probably a good thing really!! Haha best way to be don't make promises like that because that is a sure fire way to definitely do it again the second you make that promise the opportunity to do it again will show itself haha!! Yeah Jamie just has no accent to me like she just talks like most people I know it's only when I saw people talking about it that I realised to some people the Northern accent is exactly that... an accent haha I LOVE episode 9 for me 4,6, and 8 are a joint favourite like I can't pick between them and then it's episode 9 because I do love it and I love seeing them be that happy for the first part of the episode but then it just gets so sad and I can't take it!! I do accents all the time around anyone even though I am terrible at them haha... nah people don't ever get offended they just sort of smile and shake their heads at me... some people have asked me to do their accent before but I mean, I am sure eventually someone will be offended there's a first time for everything... I just have an accent that's really similar to Jamie's it's not the exact same but it's very close I love that you've had so many accents for so many reasons... omg yeah the accent on Billy Elliot is my favourite accent ever, it is a northern accent but it's from a city called New Castle which is SO different to some

other northern accents... it's the Geordie accent and it's just beautiful I could honestly listen to people from New Castle talk for hours- people from South Shields also sound like that (SS is really close to New Castle) I can see why that accent is your favourite I wish I talked like that I loved that fan art I thought it was amazing!! Yeah I haven't written much of it but I have some of it written and when I say some I mean I have like 4 different scenes written from different points of the fic and each scene is only like 1k words so far!! It's such a cool universe and I am so happy people have sent me prompts for it!! Awwh thank you so much I'm glad you're looking forward to the updates of my WIPs that really means a lot to me!! I've had a great weekend but I am so tired now totally and utterly done after the weekend I've had haha... I wouldn't say I have favourites I have just spent more time with one niece than the other because since she was really young I've looked after her while her parents have been at work and I've had breaks from work / college / university so I have spent so much time with her and she's turning into a little mini me with some stuff she does but I love all my nieces and nephews the same (and I have so many nieces and nephews haha) Awwh thank you!! I appreciate that, still feeling really proud of my second place in crazy golf haha!! and you're welcome!! ☺️

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dingobabywrites · 4 years

Text

so, in light of recent events, people have been discussing when they think Dean and Cas realized that they were in love with each other. While I 100% believe dean realized in purgatory, I dont think Castiel realized until Dean broke Naomi's connection.

BUT!!!!

I also think that is around the same time Sam realized it too. Obviously Charlie already knew ( " what about Castiel, he seems helpful and..Dreamy" she's a lesbian. That comment wasn't for Her!") I think Charlie was the one to point it out to sam and I think the two of them agreed to keep it to themselves since neither of those two would have been able to handle that information. So, I wrote a little thing about how I think it went down.

I also wanted to give myself an explanation for those wierd looks and mystery note from the end of the episode...so yeah...here's that.

Sam hobbled down the hall to the guest room, his hand still throbbing from knocking Dean unconcious . It was…worrisome, to say the least, that he was having this much trouble with healing from such a minor injury, not to mention the other things that were happening to his body; the fatigue, coughing up blood. Troubling, but, as much as he hated to admit it, worth it. Dean had been pissing him off more than usual lately anyway. It wasn't just the trials. Sure, he was frustrated with Dean for thinking he wasn't strong enough to handle them (he had fought against Lucifer in his own mind for christ's sake) but it was everything else too. His loyalty to Benny still didn't sit right with him. He had been so quick to kill Amy, just because she was a monster. He didn't care that she was just feeding her kid. She was just a monster to him. But for some reason, Benny got a pass. Sure, the guy saved both their asses, he was grateful for that, but even Bobby knew it was wrong.

And then there was Cas.

Sam wanted nothing more, than to tell Dean that he should have learned his lesson the first time with the Angel. It wasn't like he didn't like Castiel. Of course he did. He was appreciative of everything the guy had done for them. Dean was right that he had saved their asses more than once. It was just….at the end of the day, whether they liked him or not, Castiel had betrayed them. He understood that perfectly. What he couldn't understand, was why dean was so suprised by him doing it again. Hell, Dean had been the one to bring up that fact that the guy wasn't acting right since he got back and yet, there he was, praying to him, putting his trust in him again. It was maddening, to say the least. He had tried to talk to his brother about it, but Dean immediately shut down.

So, yeah, his hand was still hurting, but it was damn worth it.

He turned the corner to find Charlie stuffing her things into her duffle. He knocked on the door frame with his uninjured hand. "Hey, there."

"Sam." She half smiled, when she turned around, her eyes still a little bleary from crying. "Hi, I'm just…just packing up to head out and…" she sniffled and plopped down on the bed, covering her face as she began crying anew.

Sam walked into the room and pulled up the desk chair, sitting down in front of her. "Dean told me what happened, while you two were under." He said. "I am so sorry about your mom, Charlie." He placed his hand on her shoulder as she began crying harder. "I know how hard it is to let go like that…"

"Dean was right," she sniffed. "I needed to stop holding on."

Sam let out a bitter scoff and pulled his hand back, squeezing both hands between his legs. "Yeah, Dean's always right, isn't he? Too bad he can't follow his own advice."

Charlie looked up, her eyes sad and confused. "Holding on to my mom was the reason I was stuck there. If he hadn't made me let go, I would have died.we both would have."

Sam shook his head at himself, trying his damndest to let go of his own bitterness to be there for his friend. "Ya, I know. I'm sorry…just…I know you're hurting right now, I just want you to know I'm here for you."

Charlie sniffed again, wiping her arm across her face to dry it before leaning back and staring at Sam. "I don't get it." She said, as firmly as possible.

Sam, leaned back and shrugged. "Me neither, really. I always thought all djinn fed off happiness. It's like every time we figure stuff out, something new comes along to throw us off our game."

"Not that." Charlie said, waving his statement off. Sam looked at her, confused, not sure what she was referring to. She took a breath and pulled a book out of her duffle throwing it on Sam's lap. 'Mystery Spot' By Carver Edlund. "You say these books happened in real life. That everything written in them actually went down…but the past two times I've been around you guys…you certainly dont act like you do in the books."

Sam skimmed the first page of the book and chuckled, tossing it back on the bed next to Charlie. "Yeah, well, things have just been different, I guess."

"So, you used to love and support each other, no matter what and now you just, what? Stopped?" She asked.

"It's…" Sam scoffed and shook his head. "things are just, more complicated now…"

"You maybe, wanna elaborate there buddy?" She asked. "I may be a genius, but a mind reader, I am not."

Sam let out a breath and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He figured it might feel better to at least get something off his chest. "To be honest Charlie, I dont think Dean is cut out for the job anymore."

"Why not?"

"His judgment, for one thing." Sam answered. "I don't know, just ever since he got back from purgatory… he's been…it's like he can't think straight anymore. He used to be no nonsense when it came to killing monsters and only trusting people he knew he could trust and now… I mean, I get it. Purgatory was rough on him, but the guy has literally been to Hell and back. I don't see why this time is any different."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked softly.

"I mean like, being friends with a freaking vamp." Sam answered, coldly. "Yeah, Benny wasn't like the others, and I get the whole 'brother's in arms' aspect, but it still doesn't make sense." He waved his hand, gesturing back at the book before letting it drop. "That Dean? That Dean would have never put his trust in a monster. That Dean wouldn't let people back into his life that had screwed him over, and now…I don't know, now it's like he just doesn't care about letting people in that who could hurt him, or…people who already have."

"So, it's not just about the vampire." Charlie said. "Who else has Dean been trusting that you don't think he should?"

Sam gritted his teeth and shook his head. "Cas really messed him up Charlie. I mean, the guy already turned his back on us once and Dean just let him back into our lives like nothing even happened."

"Ah." Charlie said, with complete understanding. "Okay, I get it now."

"Get what?" Sam asked.

"I get why Dean has been acting wierd, duh." She said, like it was obvious. Sam sat, staring at her, trying to peice together what puzzle she seemed to have completed. "Oh, my God. Do you really not see it?" Charlie laughed.

"Um, no?" Sam said, skeptically.

"Wow," she scoffed. "And here I thought you were the observant one." Sam waited for her to explain herself, still utterly lost on what she was talking about. "It's Castiel." She said, speaking to him as if he were a child.

"What about him?" Sam asked, hoping like hell that she wasn't talking about the angel brainwashing his brother or something.

"I've read the books, Sam." She said. "I know all about Dean's special Angel friend."

"No." Sam shook his head. "No, chuck stopped writing after Dean went to hell. There's no way you could have a read anything about Cas."

Charlie scrunched her face and bobbed her head back and forth. "Mmmm, not exactly." She reached into her bag and pulled put her laptop, turning it on. "Remember how I said the books were online now?" Sam nodded waiting for her to continue. "Okay, dont get mad," she said as she typed "but, he may have kept writing a little bit longer than you thought…."

"He what?!" Sam said, furious. They had told that dick to knock it off after that stupid convention."How long?"

"Relax." She said, scrolling through some page on her screen. "He stopped after you sacrifice yourself to Hell, actually. It was beautifully written by the way, super emotional, but no one has seen or heard from him since."

'Good!' Sam thought to himself. He felt a little bad for that thought, since Kevin was now the prophet it meant that the reason no one had heard from Chuck was likely because he was dead, but at least no one else could know more about their lives than they already did. "Okay, but what does any of this have to do with Dean? Why would Cas be the reason he's acting wierd?"

Charlie sighed, cringing to her self a little. "Well, as you already know, where there's a fandom, there's most likely fanfiction…"

"I'm aware." Sam said, peeved by the memory of stumbling upon the fanfiction written about him and Dean.

"Look, I'm not saying anything is definite, but alot of people who write fanfiction are really good at reading between the lines." She clicked her mouse a few times before closing her laptop and setting it back in her bag. "I mean, I've read all the books myself, and I totally know that you guys are real people and not some fictional characters, and it's completely not okay to speculate on your lives and feelings or whatever...but I mean, it's kinda hard not to see where they're all coming from."

"What are you talking about, Charlie?"

"Dean said that Benny helped him fight through purgatory, right?" She said. "He met him pretty early on in his time there, no?"

"Yeah," Sam said, still completely bemused, "I guess…Dean hasn't really talked a lot about what happened while he was there. He told me some things, but he never really went into detail."

Charlie nodded and shrugged sheepishly before continuing. "Okay, so he met Benny early on, and Benny told him he had a way to get back, right off the bat. So, why did it take them so long to get out of there?"

"Dean said he spent alot of his time searching for Cas." Sam answered.

"Exactly!" She exclaimed, like that should have been the answer.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I still don't understand what you're getting at here."

"Sam, he could've come back at any point after meeting Benny. They only spent as much time as they did together, because Dean wanted to bring Castiel back with him. Even after everything he did. Don't you think that's a little…suspicious?"

"That's exactly what I've been saying!" Sam said. "Why would he do that?!"

"Yeah, Sam, why?" She said, still trying to lead him. "Why would someone run back into a fire, when they have a way out? I mean, I think you, of all people, would know the answer to that."

Sam gaped at her in shock. It took a minute for him to register what she was implying, but once he did… "Charlie, that's…"

"Just a thought!" She defended before he finished. "I'm just saying that Dean doesn't normally put his trust in people. Except, maybe…the people he REALLY cares about and the people that protect them. Maybe there's more to the story when it comes to his trust in Benny than you thought. I definitely feel like there's more when it comes to Castiel."

"Charlie, come on." Sam laughed a little. " You know Dean. He's…"

"More complicated than people give him credit for." Charlie cut him off. "He also knows how hard it is to let go of the people he loves. He's actually really bad at it. Maybe, worse than you know."

"Charlie," Sam started, before being cut off once more.

"He's definitely more concerned about you than you think." Charlie said firmly, standing up as she did. She began packing once more, keeping her eyes averted from Sam's. "He's not trying to control you, you know. He raised you, Sam. You mean alot to him. You ever think for a moment that he's just really scared for you? Scared of losing you? I mean, back to my point, he is really bad at losing people."

Sam sat in silence, petulantly mulling over Charlie's words. She was right, probably. Dean may have been scared, but it was still possible that he just couldn't hack the life anymore. Sam wasn't some child. And the other stuff she was saying…she was way off base. There was a big difference between reading about someone's and living it.

"I sent you the link to the website I used to read the books." Charlie said as she zipped up her bags. She slung her backpack over her shoulder crossing her arms as she stared him down. "I know you lived through it all and everything, but not every part was about you. There's a few things you may have missed."

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen." Sam shook his head.

"Just a suggestion." She shrugged. "It might open your eyes to a few things you don't understand. I get not wanting to relive those times but…if you ever decide that's something you might wanna do, hit me up. I can tell you what chapters to skip, or whatever. And, if your really curious about Dean's relationship to Castiel, 'On the Head of a Pin' is a good place to start. The torture chapters are pretty rough, and I know you'll want to skip over your parts…but the other stuff.…" she shrugged.

"Okay." He said, at a loss for more words than that.

"You ready to roll?" Dean said, from the doorway, knocking on the door frame before entering the room.

"Looks, like it." Charlie smiled up at him as he entered.

"I didn't interrupt anything did I?" Dean asked looking between her and Sam with concern written all over his face. "You guys look a little spooked."

"Ew, gross, no." Charlie said, scrunching her face at Dean's implications. "Sam, was just helping me with my bags. Right Sam?"

"Uh, yeah…" Sam said, standing up and grabbing her duffle off the bed.

"Eh, come on, you know I'm just teasin ya!" Dean chuckled, jabbing her on the shoulder playfully. "He may have the hair, but the body parts are all wrong, right?"

"Definitely." Charlie agreed.

"Come on." Dean said, tilting his head toward the door. He waited for Charlie to leave the room, then cast a skeptical glance at Sam before following after. Sam was sure he was in for an earful after she left. He began dreading it as he said his goodbyes, anticipating the lecture as he told Charlie she was welcome to comeback at anytime. But it wasn't the only thing on his mind now. After bidding Charlie farewell, he went inside, giving the two of them their time alone. He hesitated for a moment, convinced that the trials were seriously messing with his head if he was even considering this. Then again…

He headed to the library, grabbing a peice of paper and a pen on his way and sat down. 'This is just stupid.' He thought to himself as he wrote down the words 'On the Head of a Pin'. He heard the bunker door open. Dean walked up, the look on his face telling Sam that it was time for his ass- chewing, so he decided to cut it off before it could start.

He clicked the pen closed and stood up, ready to defend his actions. "Okay, look you were right. I-I should laid low. I-I know." He said as Dean approached him."I should have hung back. I'm glad I was able.."

Then Dean grabbed him. Then Dean pulled him into a hug. It wasn't at all what he was expecting. He was lost, but relieved and hugged his brother back.

Dean chuckled and patted his back before pulling away. "What do you say we find our prophet?." Dean smiled, before smaking him in the chest and walking away.

Sam was left to himself, completely bewildered by what had just occurred. Dean had certainly not been acting like himself, but this was a whole new level. Maybe there was some truth to Charlie's words? Maybe he really was just scared? Maybe Sam really didn't know everything about his brother. Now, wasn't the time to think about that, though. Dean was right, the had to look for Kevin. They had work to do. Research.

But Dean had to sleep at some point. Maybe Sam could do a little light reading in that time.

If Charlie was right about Dean being scared for him, who knew what else she was right about?

#destiel #fanfic #destiel crack #crack post #this is not at all what happened #unless

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snarkwrites · 3 years

Text

12 | gangsta; sweetpea

NOTES:

It's been a while. I've had these two chapters written for a while now but I haven't had time to sit down, edit them a little better and post them. Since I have time now, I thought I'd go ahead and do that, whether you guys asked for these next two chapters or not.

Sorry this took forever! Sorry I'm so slow, I've been settling into a new house and taking care of some IRL stuff / taking a little break. I swear, I'm going to update everything sooner or later. >.>

I love you guys.

WARNINGS:

NON/ LOOSE CANON COMPLIANCE - this is the biggest warning, so if you’re into things that follow exact canon plot you are… definitely not going to like this. ANGST & SLOW BURN, HEAVY SEXUAL TENSIONSTARTING NOW, ACTUALLY - this is just so everyone who started reading this thinking the smut would transpire in a hurry knows that apparently, it is not. VIOLENCE / SWEARING & FIGHTING, POSSIBLE UNDERAGE DRINKING AND OTHER SHENANIGANS- look.. it’s high school. shit happens. also apparently, my ofc Alyssa uses the word fuck like all the time?…EVENTUAL SEXUAL CONTENT / A VIRGIN ORIGINAL CHARACTER- this one is self explanatory. yes, i plan to write a smutty chapter in this at some point. when? i don’t rightly know. it’s got a while before we get there. STALKER TW - this chapter marks the true appearance of Alyssa's ex, Dave Novak. It's hinted heavily that he's a gross asshole who likes to play mind games.

If you're under 18+, probably not a good or wise idea to continue reading this series. Because there are going to be a few dark and adult themes within. I'll warn here, of course, but you need to understand that I don't control you. If you continue to read after having read the warnings and you're upset or don't like something... Totally on you, friend.

PAIRING:

Andrews!Sibling OFC x Sweet Pea.

TAGGING:

@brithedemonspawn is the only person on my Riverdale tag list. If you want to be added, the link to do so is below.

OTHER PARTS:

ONE - TWO - THREE - FOUR - FIVE - SIX - SEVEN - EIGHT - NINE - TEN- ELEVEN - soundtrack

OTHER STUFF:

[ about my writing - tag list doc ]

T W E L V E.

[773 - 589 - 7956] attachment

[773 - 589 - 7956] I think I decided how you can repay me, scarlet…

[773 - 589 - 7956] Better enjoy your quiet and happy little life while you still have it, scarlet. Because soon it’s all going to be ripped right out of your pretty little hands.

[773 - 589 - 7956] That boyfriend of yours isn’t even gonna be able to save you this time, scarlet. You’re mine.

[773 - 589 - 7956] See you soon, scarlet.

Each new text that came in had me tensing up. Careful to keep my phone out of sight of anyone who was nearby. My heart was about to beat right out of my chest and my stomach felt like it sank to the floor. I was barely listening to anything being said around me and I guess it was more obvious than I thought because Toni cleared her throat, nodding to the phone in my hand.

Gazing at me in concern.

“Everything okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“Yeah,yeah. Everything is fine.” I lied. I think at that particular point in time, I was just trying to convince myself that this was all some kind of bad dream. Or worst case scenario, Dave was making empty threats.

Toni eyed me suspiciously. I tried to give her a convincing smile, but I’d have had to be an idiot to even think for a second that she believed me. She eyed my phone and reached for it. I managed to shove it in my pocket.

“Trust me.” I pleaded. She gave me a wary look and sighed, grumbling “Fine, okay. Alright.” under her breath.

And I did my best to push the texts out of my head. Jumping in the conversation she had going on with Cheryl and Veronica. Laughing and talking as if nothing were wrong.

Lying through the skin of my teeth.

XXX

“What’s got you so jumpy?”

The question caught me off guard. I wanted to tell someone what was going on, I really did, but… I didn’t want to worry anyone, either. I was at least 99.9 percent sure that there was absolutely no way that Dave would show up in Riverdale, at least that’s what I was hoping.

I did my best to play it off. Shoveling french fries into my mouth just so I didn’t have to answer right away. My cell phone lit up and I flinched before I could stop myself.

Toni reached for it and I quickly grabbed it and shoved it in my pocket. She gave me a concerned look and I muttered quietly, “Probably just Reggie...again.”

“Reggie’s with that new girl though?” Cheryl spoke up. Gazing at me thoughtfully. My breath caught in my throat because if anyone would catch on to there being something truly wrong with me or something off in the way I was acting, it’d be her or Polly.

So far, I’d managed to fool everyone else into thinking I was alright, even my dad and my brother.

,, Dave won’t come here, it’s not worth the hassle. He’s just playing mind games. That’s all this is. Pull yourself together.” the thought came and I managed a smile, shrugging.

“You’ve been acting weird all week, now that I’m thinking about it.” Cheryl was the one who said it and she gave me an expectant look. Waiting.

“I have not.”

,, I do have one secret I can spill. Maybe if I tell them about my crush on Sweetpea…” and so that’s what I did. Sighing as I reached for the shared plate of fries between the three of us. Raking my fries through my vanilla milkshake and taking a few deep breaths to kind of collect myself, both from Dave’s harassing texts and what I was finally about to get off my chest about having feelings for Sweetpea.

“You have. Start talking.” Toni spoke up, watching me. Sizing me up. If I had to guess, I’d pin money on her sitting across the booth, trying to figure out what was up with my jumpy attitude all week.

“Okay, alright. Fine. But what I’m about to tell you two does not leave this table, okay? It.. It can’t. If Sweetpea ever found out, pretty sure he’d start avoiding me and things would get weird.”

Toni and Cheryl exchanged a look and then Toni nodded. Chewing a mouthful of fries as she muttered calmly, “Go on.”

“ I may or may not have a crush on Sweetpea.”

“Oh, you definitely have a crush on him. It’s kind of obvious.” Cheryl gave a soft teasing grin and I sighed. Dragging my hand through my hair and taking a few seconds to let her words sink in. I almost dreaded asking, but I felt like I had to given that she said it was obvious. “Oh god.. He doesn’t suspect anything.. Right?”

“Oh, he’s the only one whose oblivious. But the rest of us, we’ve known a while.” Toni teased me. Then asked calmly, “Is that all? Why’s that have you so jumpy?”

“Because I know how bad I am at hiding things, okay? I was kind of… I dunno, freaking out I guess.” I eyed her, waiting. Searching her face in the hopes that she accepted what I said and didn’t keep pushing. A few seconds passed and she laughed softly. Took a sip of her strawberry milkshake and asked with a smirk, “Are you gonna do anything about it?”

“Probably not. Every time I even think about it, I manage to talk myself right out of it. He’d laugh his ass off, okay? Besides, remember all the flirting he was doing with Josie when they had to work together during the play?” I pouted as I pointed it out.

Cheryl and Toni exchanged looks and Toni laughed. “He was doing that to make you jealous. Or that’s what I think he was doing. Either way… I think you should do something. He’s not going to and trust me… I’ve known the guy my whole life. I know him well enough to say that I know he has a thing for you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been so cranky when you two first met?”

“I thought he was just naturally grumpy?”

“Oh, he is, but the way he was towards you was totally different. He’s only that grumpy when he’s trying to keep his defenses up.” Toni informed me before finishing off her shake.

The door to the diner opened and Sweetpea walked in, Fangs in tow. The two of them were laughing about something. I gave both Cheryl and Toni a pleading look and Cheryl seemed to pick up on my unspoken plea to change the subject thankfully, because she asked, “Are you going to F.P’s retirement party at the Wyrm?”

“Yeah.” I answered, finishing off my milkshake. Sweetpea flopped into the booth beside me, carelessly slinging an arm over the back of the seat. His hand brushed against my shoulder and I swear just the small brush against me felt like someone had taken a livewire and dragged it over my body real slow.

Toni smirked at me, nodding at Sweetpea while he was too busy wolfing down french fries to notice and I shook my head.

“I dare you. No… I triple dare you.. Flirt with him.” Toni gave a teasing grin as she mouthed the words to me and I swallowed hard.

She’s not playing fair. She knows I can’t turn down a dare.

I happened to glance out the window of the diner and when I thought I saw Dave standing there, leaning against a streetlamp, one hand in his pocket and a cigarette dangling between his lips, I nearly choked. This prompted Sweetpea to start hitting me on the back lightly as he laughed and looked at me in concern. “Damn cherry, are you trying to kill yourself?”

Toni’s brow raised and Sweetpea explained what happened earlier in the day, how I’d nicked myself with the scalpel in our first period class while doing a dissection. What Sweetpea didn’t know was that when it happened, it was because I thought I’d seen Dave standing outside in the parking lot, only to blink and the parking lot be empty.

I have got to stop letting his stupid mind games get to me. It’s just because he’s texting me again. It’s just because he knows how to work me up and get me all scared, he used to be good at it when we dated.

He’d never come to Riverdale. He’s just doing this to me for his own sick amusement and every single time I let him get to me, especially when I’m to a point where I’m so paranoid I’m imagining that I see him everywhere lately, it’s letting him win and that pisses me off more than anything.

I’m supposed to be stronger than that, damn it.

Toni eyed me suspiciously and I braced myself. When she didn’t bring up my skittish behavior, I relaxed a little.

I wanted to tell someone what was going on, but at the same time, why? I’m pretty sure this is just Dave, being an absolute bag of dicks.

It has to be that. It has to be.

XXX

He stood outside some podunk little diner right in the heart of town. The hazy red neon gave off a comforting and inviting warmth and he lit his cigarette, fuming in anger as he watched her sitting inside.

“I know you’re not ignoring me, scarlet. I know you’re not.” he muttered, mostly to himself as he turned the collar of his leather jacket up against the wind and started to walk towards the South Side.

Maybe it was time he paid his old buddy Eric a visit. Eric was out of prison. Eric was the one who’d told him where Alyssa was to begin with, though he didn’t realize it.

Dave chuckled and shook his head as he walked towards the shitty apartments on the opposite end of town where Eric lived. Eric owed him a few favors. He was coming to collect.

“Did you really think I was jokin when I told ya I have friends all over? That you weren’t ever gonna get away from me?” he mused to himself as he knocked on the door of a first floor slum apartment.

Eric opened the door, leaning in it lazily. Blinking at him in a daze and smirking. High fiving him as he asked him why he was in town.

Dave whipped out his phone, showing Eric a picture of Alyssa. At first he gave him some story about her running off while he was in the pen. Eric wasn’t buying it, he could see it written in the expression on his face. And that only made him angry. Eric owed him. He was here to collect the favor owed. All he wanted was for Eric to help him out on this one little thing.

Eric shook his head, chuckling in disgust. Gazing at him with a brow raised. “I think you need to leave, man. Now. You don’t want the heat this is gonna bring down on you. And I’m not about to get on a Serpent’s bad side, even if the Serpent in question is just a damn kid.”

“See, I’d like to just put this all behind me, man... but she’s the whole reason I even went to prison to begin with. Then I get out and find out not only is my girl not loyal, she’s also the one who snitched on me?” Dave eyed Eric. Getting irritated because this was not how he saw the conversation going.

“I’m telling you, you need to leave. Forget about Alyssa. I see her around all the time with some kid… Sweet Pea or Green Bean, some shit. The Serpents are not people you fuck with, man. Not around these parts.”

“You know the Serpents aren’t shit to me… Right?” Dave quipped, smirking. “I’ve got this under control. I just need you to help me out a little… C’mon, man. You owe me.”

“I don’t fucking care. I’m not helping you do whatever it is you’re here to do. What I oughta do is put a bullet in your fucking head for even thinking I’d be down for this shit. She’s a kid, man. A fucking kid... Favor or not, man… I’m on the Serpents side with this. Not yours. You need to leave.” Eric warned, giving Dave a firm glare as he folded heavily tattooed arms over his chest.

“Oh, so that’s how you’re playin, huh? Okay. Alright. All I wanna do is see her again. I’m not going to do anything. I just want to straighten things out. Get a little closure on the situation...”

Eric scoffed. “This coming from the king of overreaction. I don’t trust you.I’m breakin code of my gang by even talking to your ass. Nope. The answer is no. I’m not helping. Do whatever you have to do to me, but I’m not about to help you scare some kid. I’ve got better things to do with my time, buddy...”

Dave’s arm shot out and he pinned Eric against the door of his apartment. Smirking at him calmly. “I know you haven’t forgotten just how much your sorry ass owes me. Because that’s what this sounds like.”

“I guess that’s what it is then. Because I’ve seen what the Serpents can do. I’m not about to bring all that down on my head.” Eric stepped back inside his apartment, slamming the door in Dave’s face, leaving him to glare at the closed door and take a swing.

“Guess I’m doing this all by myself.” Dave mused as he turned and wandered down to a shitty dive bar nearby. He needed to have a few rounds. Come up with a plan.

And a little after midnight, after finding himself a few new talkative friends in some local Ghoulies, things were starting to look up for him. And he was slowly forming a plan.

Now he just had to wait. Pick his moment. Toy with her a little more.

“I’m so close I can almost touch you, scarlet. Soon… Soon you’re going to pay for running your mouth to mommy about me...” he smirked to himself as he unlocked his hotel room and stepped inside.

#sweetpea fanfiction #sweetpea fanfic #sweetpea fic #sweetpea imagine #sweetpea imagines #my writing ; sweetpea #my fanfiction; sweetpea #my fics; sweetpea #// stalker tw #// seriously. these next two parts are gonna get a little... scary.#// you have been warned

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shadyb00ts · 4 years

Text

A Chromatica Review

So I never really use Tumblr, but when I do go on here, it’s pretty much to review something long-form. As you can tell from my profile picture here, and from my glowing review of ARTPOP from 7 years ago, I am and have always been a Gaga stan. Just read the melodramatic first paragraph of my ARTPOP review and you’ll get the gist of how much I idolize this woman. Well, idolized. Past tense.

That’s not to say I suddenly hate Gaga–I’m still going to follow her career and listen to whatever she puts out. There have just been several factors this past year that have changed my perspective on how I view her, this album being one of those factors. But I’ll get to those later. First I just need to lay out all my issues with this album.

Yes, this is going to be that type of review, so if you’re a fellow Gaga stan that isn’t able to criticize her work, this probably isn’t for you. Otherwise please read to the end if you can, because this is honestly about more than just the album.

Issue #1: The Mismatch Between Music & Aesthetic

When the cover of the album came out, I was so gagged. Like, just look at it! It’s striking, and Gaga has rarely ever disappointed me when it came to visuals. Actually, I can’t even think of any visual choices she made in previous eras that disappointed me. Even in the Joanne era, the pink cowboy hat became iconic and all of her aesthetic choices fit with the overall vibe of that album cycle.

So naturally, when she revealed to us the new visual direction she was taking for Chromatica, I assumed it would give us some insight into how the music would sound. The aesthetic of this era always gave me grungy cyberpunk and heavy machinery tease. When I look at the album cover for example, I can hear a song produced by SOPHIE in my head, the clink-clank queen herself. (There were rumors that Gaga was going to or did work with SOPHIE but that was never confirmed, unfortunately for us.)

For those unfamiliar with SOPHIE, here’s Ponyboy, which was most recently used in the ad campaign for Beyoncé’s Ivy Park clothing line.

youtube

That was the kind of production I was more or less expecting when taking the visuals into account; dark, metallic, basically similar to ARTPOP’s production (to be honest ARTPOP sonically fits better with the Chromatica aesthetic; think about it).

But what did we get? Light, garden variety dance pop, a stark contrast to what the album cover and the promo images teased us with.

In the album, we get these orchestral interludes that are beautiful but don't really mesh that well with the actual tracks. The songs don't have any orchestral elements by themselves, so the interludes felt a bit misplaced to me. I wish they'd incorporated more of that into the individual songs, so that there could be an orchestral through-line to give more cohesion, like what Ariana did in her album positions by using strings. However I will say, the transition from Chromatica II into 911 remains unmatched.

I get that the album is supposed to sound happy, that it was her returning to her “dance pop roots” and singing about serious topics like mental health over happy-sounding beats, because it’s supposed to reflect her current mental state. I get all that. But if that was the case, I think she should’ve gone with a different visual direction to match. Personally I wish she went a different direction musically instead, but even if it was just the other way around and she changed the aesthetic of this era, my opinion of the album would probably improve slightly, cause at least there would be cohesion between the visuals and the sonics.

I look at that album cover, and promo images like the one below, and then I listen to songs like Fun Tonight or Plastic Doll for example, and there’s a noticeable dissonance there.

You might be thinking “why are you so hard on her for this?” and I guess it’s because I’ve always held Gaga to a high standard when it comes to how she links those two elements. Think of every era she’s had in the past, and you remember how the visuals always just worked with their respective albums.

And that’s before I’ve even talked about the videos. Oh lord, the videos.

Issue #2: The Videos Are Lackluster (Except For 911)

It started with Stupid Love, the lead single. I had mixed feelings about that song in the beginning, but because I was so thirsty for new music from Gaga at the time, I played that song like hell when it leaked and it was on rotation for a good while. But when Gaga premiered the Stupid Love video, I’m not going to lie; I really didn’t like it.

The whole “shot entirely on iPhone” schtick really did the video a disservice. I’m sorry but it had to be said. If I imagined the video with a higher budget and more of a plotline as opposed to just being a dance video, I think it could’ve worked a lot better and been a decent introduction to not only Chromatica the album, but this fictional world/planet that she’s created. Which by the way, she didn’t really deliver in that regard either.

The concept of Chromatica being a fictional world could have been expanded on further; she could’ve showcased all of the different factions (I know they were called “tribes” at first but that’s appropriative so I’ll call them factions) and perhaps had an overarching storyline about how these factions are at war, and it’s Gaga’s job as one of the “Kindness Punks”, as she calls it, to bring everyone together for a rave.

This is why I will always say it: Chromatica needed to be a visual album. Just imagine the storyline I mentioned just now being turned into a full-length feature, and now imagine the album’s orchestral intro playing as they’re essentially opening the gates to Chromatica and Gaga discovers this world for the first time, and then it goes into the first song Alice where she’s meeting all the factions and getting acclimated to her surroundings.

Honestly I could go on and on cause I have thought about this for SO LONG now and I’ll never shut up about it. It’s just such a missed opportunity cause the concept was just begging for a visual album. Anyway sorry for my tangent: back to the Stupid Love video.

The whole “shot on iPhone” gimmick really was unfortunate. Like she really ruined the quality of a music video because she wanted that Apple check??? Come on, Gaga, there could’ve been some other way to secure that check.

And then there was the Rain On Me video, which definitely have visuals that are a massive improvement from Stupid Love because it was professionally shot and cinematic. But even that was another purely dance video with not much in the way of storyline. Not that storyline is always required for music videos, but I think specifically when it comes to Chromatica, not having storylines in the M/Vs does a disservice to the overall concept.

I guess my issue with these two music videos, but mostly Stupid Love, is that Gaga isn't fully utilizing her COIN. Like she's successful enough to the point where she has budgets for these videos and can go all out, but doesn't. She has the capacity for extremely high production value, but up until 911, the last video she did that had that level of extraness was G.U.Y. I miss the days when her music videos were an event. I still remember where I was and what I was doing the exact moment the Telephone video came out. That's impact.

Taylor Swift I think is somebody who really knows how to blow her budget on a video. Look What You Made Me Do may have been a terrible song, but I always thought the video was sickening.

Anyway, I have no notes on 911. She's a masterpiece. If there was a music video category at the Oscars, I'd be campaigning for it right now.

Issue #3: Any Other Girly Can Do This

The thing I always loved the most about Gaga's music was that nobody was doing it like her. Everything she put out always felt like it was distinctly hers and hers alone, it's unmistakable. Even in Joanne, despite that album being a major departure from what she normally did.

I know Joanne is a very polarizing album, even for Little Monsters, but personally I've always loved it. Joanne was an album that I always knew she would make and I thought was essential to her career and body of work. Despite her straying away from pop for a more earthy, grass roots sound, it still sounded very much like her music. Even from the first track, Diamond Heart, her DNA is all over that.

It's difficult to explain what exactly I mean when I say there's a certain signature "Gaga-ness" or that she has a very specific DNA injected into her songs. If you've been a fan of hers for a long time or followed her career, you probably understand what I'm referring to. It's the way she laughs maniacally in the beginning of ARTPOP on Aura, how she says "I don't speak German but I can if you like, OW!" and proceeds to recite broken German on Scheiße, how she invented the phrase "disco stick", literally the ENTIRETY of The Fame Monster.

These examples probably give you the gist of what I'm trying to convey. Gaga is fucking weird. She has always been fucking weird and I love that so much about her. And her brand of weirdness was so specific that if any of the other pop girls tried to do what she did, it would have been cringey as hell. To me, the most disappointing thing of all with this album was that this weirdness that was so uniquely hers was missing.

It's there in brief moments, in tracks like Sour Candy, 911 and Babylon, but most of the album doesn't really sound like her music. It sounds like songs that she wrote for other people, like her old unreleased stuff. OG Little Monsters probably remember songs like Second Time Around and No Way. These were leaked unreleased songs that Gaga had written for other artists, and even though they were absolute bops, they didn't sound like her. They weren't supposed to.

A similar feeling I had was when her song The Cure came out a few years ago. I genuinely thought that was something she wrote for someone else, cause even though it was a solid pop song, it absolutely had zero Gaga-ness and any current pop girl could sing it. This pretty much encapsulates how I feel about the majority of Chromatica.

I was gonna say it sounded like songs that were written for Ally, her Star is Born character, but I think even those pop songs from the soundtrack sounded more Gaga than Chromatica does. 💀 I can easily imagine Hair Body Face being on The Fame.

Final Thoughts

It's funny that the last review I had posted on here before this was my review of Kingdom Hearts III. The Kingdom Hearts game series is something that's very near and dear to my heart, and I waited a wholeass decade for the third game to come out. And then it did, and I was so disappointed.

So you know what happened after that? What helped me deal with my disappointment of that game was my anticipation for Chromatica, or at the time it was still called LG6. I had no idea I would feel the same exact way about this album the way I do about KH3. Now when I think of both of these things, I'm mostly frustrated by all of the potential and the missed opportunities, but I also look at them with a certain fondness. I had fun playing KH3, and I also had fun listening to Chromatica, despite both of them disappointing me overall.

In the beginning of this review I said that there were certain factors that have stopped me from idealizing Gaga too much. Firstly it's because I'm much older now, and secondly it's due to the sheer state of the world this past year. The pandemic really precipitated the fall of celebrity culture, and all of that made me really examine how putting someone on such a high pedestal can be damaging in the long run.

Gaga is a human being and I haven't agreed with everything she's done, particularly how she handled the whole R. Kelly situation back in 2013. And also the simple fact that she's a white woman, we know how a lot of the time they can't help but show their asses and are bound to disappoint us in some way. I'm forever grateful for her artistry and how she saved my life when I was a suicidal little eighth grader, but I'm also going to hold her accountable for any of her mistakes, and I'd be ready to stop supporting her entirely if anything she does ever goes too far.

Now I stan artists for fun. It's not healthy to idolize them to the point of revering them. I mean, I like to make jokes like that about Beyoncé, like "no way on Beyoncé's green earth", etc. But even she is just a person that we shouldn't deify for real.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Chromatica being a lackluster album and era ended up being a good thing, because it helped me grow out of idolizing celebrities too intensely. Chromatica was pretty much the best disappointment I've ever listened to.

If you've read all the way to the end, thank you! Writing this was very therapeutic but also stressful; this is a second draft cause Tumblr fucked up my first post. 😭

Anyway, SAWAYAMA & Ungodly Hour are albums of the year. Argue with the wall.

#album review #gaga #lady gaga #chromatica #pop music #review #music

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darley1101 · 6 years

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Say You Won’t Let Go (Nov 2 Music)

A/N For the November prompt challenge hosted by @meeraaverywalker November 2: Music featuring Katarina Vance and Parker Shaw from It Live Beneath. Combined with first kiss while slow dancing, a night kiss with a promise, and 'Why are you looking at me like that?' Requested by @blackcatkitaTags are at the end of the story. If you would like to be added, moved, or removed please let me know. If you enjoyed the story please consider giving it a like, comment or re-blog. Thank you for reading.

Rating/warning: Mature due to slight sexual innuendos.

Side note: for those who are into this sort of thing, the song Kat and Parker are dancing to: Say You Won't Let Go

Say You Won't Let Go

Drawing her bare legs up beneath her, Katarina leaned against the rail and stared down at the deceptively peaceful water lapping at the sides of the boat. She didn't know what Imogen was thinking, hosting another party on her parents yacht so soon after Kyle's death. It just felt wrong. It also felt like they were asking for trouble. 'I shouldn't have come,' Katarina thought, her fingers absentmindedly toying with the frayed hem of her denim shorts. She'd been on the verge of declining the invitation when Imogen mentioned that Parker was going to be off duty and able to come have fun for once. Like some love sick school girl, Katarina had quickly accepted. It had been a mistake. Parker hadn't spoken more than two words to her and she couldn't shake the guilt or unease for attending a party that felt very much like the one where Kyle had died.

“Hey.”

At the sound of Parker's voice, Katarina drew her gaze from the water. Her traitorous heart sped up, fueled by a love sick adrenaline rush. “Hey,” she echoed. The fingers plucking at the fraying on her shorts picked up speed, tangling in the white threads. She didn't know how to react to his sudden attention. The last time they had been alone together she had made a fool of herself by flirting with him and asking him for coffee. He'd quickly shot her down, citing work as the reason. It had been a plausible excuse, one that didn't completely put her off since he'd followed it by suggesting they exchange numbers. Not that he ever contacted her. Which made her coming to the party because he was going to be there even more pathetic.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

The question caught Katarina off guard. Her brows drew together, confusion clouded her eyes. “Like what?”

“Like you're confused about why I'm talking to you.” He nudged her foot with his own, a playful grin stretching across his full, kissable lips. Full, kissable lips? It took every ounce of Katarina's will power not to gag. Since when was she that girl? The one who noticed things like how kissable a guy's lips were? Looks had never factored into what attracted her to a guy. Her ex-boyfriend Gary had been cute enough, in a Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory sort of way, but it had been his quirky sense of humor that drew her in. Ironically enough, it was that same quirky humor that pushed her away. Well, that and the fact that he'd made her first and only sexual experience awful. There had been no foreplay, no loving kisses. Just Gary lubing up with some KY and sticking it in. His reasoning had been the first time was going to suck no matter what so why not just get it over with so they could get to the good stuff. He hadn't thought about how painful it would be for her or how she might not appreciate his little jokes about needing practice. 'Why are you thinking about that loser,' she silently scolded herself. She knew the answer. It was Parker and his kissable lips.

“I'm not confused,” Katarina lied. Everything about Parker confused her. His hot and cold demeanor. The way he made her feel. It would be easier if she was the sort of girl who could just point blank ask a guy how he felt, what his intentions were. She didn't have that sort of bravery in her. Jumping in to save Kyle and then trying to get justice for Ned had been anomalies, she didn't usually have that much courage.

“Good because most girls don't understand about my no flirting while on the clock rule.” He dropped down next to her, his muscular thigh pressing against her slimmer one. “It probably seems silly, but I'm the youngest and the newest...a lot of the older officers are just waiting for me to screw up.” Parker glanced at her, his grin widening, “you should know...not flirting with you has been the hardest thing I've done in a while.”

“Really?” Her heart skipped a beat before accelerating to triple time when he nodded. Katarina chewed her lower lip and then let out a sigh. “Parker, I'm really not very understanding. I mean, I am. I totally get why you don't flirt while you're on the clock. I just...I didn't realize you were serious about that and...” she shrugged, her cheeks flushing.

“And you thought I wasn't interested.” She nodded. “Kat, if I wasn't interested I wouldn't have given you my phone number or asked for yours.”

Katarina felt her cheeks flush even more. “I thought you were being polite. Besides...you never text or called me. What was I supposed to think?”

“You could have text me,” Parker pointed out. “That's why I gave you my number. Plus, I've been busy.” He glanced around before lowering his voice. “I talked to Ned after you came into the station the other day. He wasn't acting like himself and he was definitely favoring his left side...like he'd hurt himself or-”

“Or been stabbed,” Katarina finished breathlessly. The fact that Parker had taken her seriously when she'd burst into the station announcing that Ned had been stabbed to death, only for Ned to walk out of the Chief's office very much alive, was huge. Parker had no reason to trust her, she wouldn't have blamed him for writing her off as crazy after that incident, but he'd taken her at her word and looked into it. “Parker, I-”

“Guys,” Imogen cried, dancing towards them, “it's a party!” She grabbed Katarina by the hand, pulling her to her feet. “Dance with me! You too Parker!”

“I don't dance,” Katarina protested, glancing over her shoulder at Parker. He smiled and then shrugged before moving his body in time to the music. 'Of course he's a good dancer,' she thought, trying to coordinate her body with the rhythm of the song. It was one she recognized and had occasionally danced to in the privacy of her dorm room. Who didn't dance when Kesha came on?

“This place about to blow-oh-oh-oh,” Imogen sang, shaking her hair out of her face and shrieking with laughter. It was a relief to see something other than sadness on the other girl's face. The memory of Kyle was hovering just beneath the surface, it was written in her eyes, but she wasn't going to let it define how she lived. “Come on, Kat! Sing it with me!”

Katarina shook her head. “Hard pass.” The only thing worse than her dancing was her singing. Her freshmen roommate had dragged her to a charity Karoke event and basically forced her on to the stage, where she was promptly booed off before she could reach the chorus of Miley Cyrus' Party In The USA.

“Dance with me?” Parker pulled her close as the music transitioned into a slow ballad. Heart pounding, Katarina raised her arms and looped them around Parker's neck. Beneath his light gray t shirt she could feel his heart thumping triple time. She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on the lyrics of the song instead of how amazing it felt to have Parker's hands resting on her hips. I met you in the dark, you lit me up. You made me feel as though I was enough. We danced the night away... “There's just something about you,” he murmured against her ear. Her eyes fluttered open, their gazes locking. She felt her breathing starting to accelerate when his head dipped just slightly. “Kat...” The way he whispered her name sent tingles throughout her body. It was unlike anything she'd ever felt. She closed her eyes, her breathe hitching when his lips brushed across hers. It was innocent enough, just a whisper of flesh against flesh, yet there was something hot and demanding as well...a promise of more. “Kat,” he whispered again. His left hand slid up the side of her body, stirring awareness, before sliding into her wavy dark hair. His fingers rest just below her ear, his thumb gently rubbing across her cheek bone as their breathes mingled. He used his other arm to pull her closer, sealing the gap between their bodies. It felt right, the way each curve and valley fit together perfectly.

“Ahem.”

Katarina jumped back, her cheeks blazing with color as she turned to face Imogen. There was a curious mixture of amusement and jealousy in her friend's golden brown eyes. “I hate to break things up, but my mom called. We have to dock the boat,” Imogen sulked. “Apparently Daddy is pushing for new restrictions about drinking on the lake and it wouldn't look good for his daughter to be throwing a party...especially so soon after an alcohol involved drowning.” Tears brimmed her lashes. “Did she really have to bring up Kyle like that? She made it sound like...like I don't care.”

“I'm sure she didn't mean it like that,” Katarina tried to reassure her but a quick glance at Parker's grimace told her that Imogen's mom probably had meant it like that. “I'm sorry Im.”

“It's not your fault.” Imogen let out a frustrated sigh.

“Thanks for coming though. I know you were a little hesitant...so I just...I appreciate what a good friend you are Katarina. I don't have many of those left.” The smaller girl impulsively engulfed Katarina in a hug. “Please be careful with Parker,” she whispered lowly. “He's a nice guy but he's got a bit of a reputation for being a flirt. I don't think I've ever seen him get serious with anyone.”

The words were like cold water being thrown in her face. Everything in Katarina froze. She forced a smile before pulling back. “I'm always careful,” she promised. “It's my middle name. Well, not really, but...it could be.”

“Lunch tomorrow?”

Katarina nodded, shoving her hands into the back pockets of her shorts. Her mile faded when Imogen left to relay the news to the rest of her guests. She should have known Parker was a player. 'Not a player,' an inner voice chided, 'a flirt. There is a difference.' Was there though? Katarina wasn't exactly naive when it came to men but she wasn't all that experienced either. “You have that confused look on your face again,” Parker said softly.

“Oh.” She ducked her head down, studying the apricot colored polish on her toes. “Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“About what Imogen said?” Katarina's head jerked up, her eyes widening. Parker let out a small chuckle and then sighed. “She's not very good at whispering.” He let out another sigh, walking the short distance to the rail. He stared out at the water before turning to face her. “Can I just be blunt?” She hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Pine Spring is a small town. People tend to mistaken friendliness for flirting. I'm not saying I don't flirt...I do...just not as much as people claim. As for never being serious with someone...I guess I've never met the right someone.” His voice lowered, the gold flecks in his hazel eyes intensifying. “Until now.”

Conflict warred with desire. She'd already been through one crummy relationship that had left her sad, disillusioned, and wear. Did she really want to take that risk again? Her mind kept drifting back to the kiss that wasn't quite a kiss. There had been real feeling there...on both of their parts. She hadn't just imagined that. Katarina glanced in Imogen's direction. She knew Imogen meant well, that she was trying to be a good friend, but she also knew Parker was telling the truth. 'You have enough regrets in your life, do you really want to add Parker to that list?' The answer was simple. She was tired of regrets. If there was one thing she had learned from her parents deaths and the strangeness going on in Pine Springs it was that life was short. Too short really. “Hey Parker,” she said softly, “I like you too. Besides...” she smiled sweetly, “you still owe me a dance.”

Tag list: @debramcg1106 @josieschoices @boneandfur @speedyoperarascalparty @zackzilberg @tmarie82 @blackcatkita @mfackenthal @hamulau @endlessly-searching-for-you @umccall71 @damienazariostan @drakelover78 @penguininapinktuxedo @eileendannie @stopforamoment @writtenbycandy @lizeboredom @alicars @choiceslife @leelee10898 @choicesfannatalie @liamxs-world @hopefulmoonobject @katurrade @jadedpixiescribbles @indiacater @hellospunkiebrewster @gardeningourmet @speedyoperarascalparty @mfackenthal @damienazariostan @stopforamoment @leelee10898 @katurrade @gardeningourmet

#choices fanfic #it lives beneath #parker shaw #parker x mc

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saltandlimes · 6 years

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I know it's not Sleepover Saturday anymore, but do you have any advice for writing a thesis? I'm trying to hard not to let my anxiety take over and also to not tip too far onto the other side (apathy), but it's really difficult and I'm worried I won't finish, or that I'll fail, because I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and I have less than two months left to write basically the whole thing. I've been crying a lot because of it; I'm not sure I'd be able to live with myself if I failed.

*giant hug*

(Finally! A question that I have professional qualifications to answer! I’m going to include a possible detailed plan of work for 7 weeks under a cut that assumes you’ve got with most of the research done, but not much writing.)

You have two months left, give or take a bit. That’s definitely enough time to write a passing thesis, but there are a few things you’re going to have to do to both make yourself feel better about the work and make sure it happens.

First of all, spend some time (a day maybe) skimming other MA theses written for your program. While an MA thesis is supposed to be significantly more original than a BA thesis, it isn’t a substantial contribution to the field like a Ph.D. dissertation. Reading through a few recent ones will give you a chance to see this, and make sure that you’re not freaking yourself out by trying to do something too big.

Let yourself internalize this. It doesn’t have to be the best thesis ever written - if you’re thinking about trying for a Ph.D. some day, then your MA thesis isn’t going to be the document getting you jobs. If you’re interested in jobs that only need an MA, those are going to be less research focused, and thus, again, it isn’t going to be the sole document getting you jobs. So take a deep breath and remember that it has to be a reasonable representation of your work and thought, but not the best thing you’ve ever done!

There’s one other thing you’ve got to let sit in the back of your mind. Graduate education isn’t like undergrad. Your advisor will not let you get to the point of submitting your thesis if there’s a substantial chance you’ll fail. That just doesn’t happen, just as it doesn’t happen that a department will let you defend a dissertation if there’s a huge likelihood that it won’t pass. So your only worry here should be finishing a document that you’re reasonably happy with. You’re going to pass as long as your advisor lets you turn it in!

(As an aside, in most MA programs, if you’re actually not ready to submit at the deadline, they’ll let you have an extra semester! Again, the magic of grad school)

Last but not least (before I give you an example plan below a cut), here’s a wonderful secret of thesis or dissertation writing. No one ever feels like they know what they’re doing. Obviously senior scholars with tenor have generally gotten past this feeling, but other than that, the rest of us are just bumbling through. I’ve had a chaired professor ask me how a part of our Ph.D. program works, even though he’s been teaching here for much longer than I’ve been alive. Academia is a little of flying by the seat of your pants, a little of pretending to be the most confident person in the room, and a little of reminding yourself that you are more educated than the undergrads, at least. What you’re feeling is totally normal. That doesn’t make is less stressful, but I find it helps to remind myself that everyone else also got through this.

Ok. So here’s how I would go about getting this done if I were you! I’m basing this on a thesis length of about 15K-20K words, because that’s the average (about 50 pages).

Week 1 (this week): 1 day reading old theses, 1 day outlining exactly how your thesis will look. Make this a really detailed outline, filling in as many subsections as you can right now, and linking to everything you have written already. This will help you figure out exactly what you have left to write. Spend the rest of the week consolidating your research and inserting citations into each section of the outline where they belong. It will really speed up the writing process to have all these on hand so that you don’t have to look for them when you’re chugging along.

Week 2: Finish the methodology sections. JUST FINISH THEM. I know they suck. Get them done if you haven’t already. Then work on the body, but not after you finish the boring structural stuff. Aim to write at least 750 words 5 days out of the week.

Week 3-6: Keep writing. Keep up that 750 words per day pace. Only work 5 days of the week. By the end of week 6, you should have almost 18K written. MAKE SURE YOU TAKE WEEKENDS OFF. It will help you avoid burn out, and keep up the 750 wpd pace.

Week 7: Take the whole week to polish, read over, correct, and edit the work. Get a trusted friend to read over it for you and make notes. Submit your thesis and BE FREE. (Take a vacation afterwards).

Broken down like this, it looks a lot more manageable. You’re a great writer. You can easily manage 750 words a day on a subject you’re knowledgeable about. That’s fewer words than this post, and I wrote this in less than an hour!

#academia #ma thesis

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moonlight--cafe · 2 years

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No that’s so interesting, please keep going on! I’m genuinely super curious about where people pull inspiration from, because sometimes the answers can be enlightening. I like writing as well but everything I write usually turns to angst lmao. But deep down I’m like you and a hopeless romantic at heart :) deep, deep…deep down 😂 I’m sorry you went through all those adversities - but I admire how strong you are and how you’re able to use them to your advantage. What’s your fave genre to write tho?

As for NCT, oooh who are the three? And how do they rank up against Jun? 👀 I’d love to read content if you ever feel like posting some! I had a bias long long ago, but now idk anymore - like you said they’re all pretty and I’m superficial 😍 maybe you can help me pick one!

Oh my goodness I’m so excited for the ship and letter akksksjdkskjs

And I'm back! Just waiting for the paint to dry. So far I've found that I love writing dark romance, but something that I've written recently is possibly the best genre to write (ahem, that Yeonjun fic). I have a big thing for coming of age hurtful romance, like it stings that you can't have each other but when you come together it makes the world right. I have so much fun writing those stories. Spoiler for that fic (if I ever post it that is) badboy Yeonjun has this childhood friend reader, they met as kids over lollipops and cute cartoon band-aids, so they still use them in their friendship. The only difference is that Yeonjun sticks a lollipop into the readers mouth to playfully "shut her up" and he still patches her up with cute band-aids. So once they get together there is a scene where he shoves a strawberry lollipop into her mouth and covers the hickey's he gave her with band-aids, so she doesn't get into trouble with her family. That's the stuff I like to write, a big thing I love as well is childhood friends to lovers so I've been adding that into a few of the pieces I've done over the years.

Well I can't just stop at NCT you see, there are some that make me want to cry when I see them because bro I am in love and from NCT they are Chenle (I know, I always get "playfully" made fun of that I want baby face Chenle to dom me), Yangyang and Lucas. Now the Lucas thing is weird because I was under the impression we wouldn't get along but imagining him looking at me makes me want to cry???? I'm confusion. But other guys who I would happily play the wife with is Heeseung and Sunoo from Enhypen and Hyunjin obviously. I'm a simp and I've come up with so many domestic scenarios in my head with them. I think you can guess my type, they have switch energy and seem neutral but hell they can dom me any day. That's my type. And also Jun because boy is my angel face.

But again if I had a top 3 of people who I would propose too definitely

1. Jun

2. Heeseung

3. Hyunjin

Reasoning, I feel like Jun would be into me kind of. Heeseung is too sweet and I feel like our flirty nature will attract each other and I chose Hyunjin last because I did a synastry reading for us and while we would work, we are also dysfunctional but we keep coming back to each other, it's the angst I like to write about essentially.

And hmmm I didn't wanna say but even your synastry ship lowkey said you were superficial lol

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musicatheart12 · 6 years

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A Chat with a Bassist: Natalie Kim from Old Joy

Old Joy is an indie/alternative rock band that released their debut album on September 7th, 2018. They come from the underground New Brunswick scene and have played many basement shows around the area, with their most recent performance being for a student-run charity club at Rutgers University. This week, I got the chance to interview Old Joy's bassist, Natalie Kim, also a student at Rutgers University.

The interview:

What kind of music do you guys play? How do you, as a band, characterize it?

It's kind of under the umbrella of Alt Rock and Indie just because we're in the local New Brunswick scene. So it's kind of like Indie, DIY kind of music.

How did the band get together?

So my two bandmates who started the band started it before I got to Rutgers. When I came here as a freshman, I met one of them, Phil, and he told me they were looking for a bassist so they kind of adopted me. And then we had no drummer, so we had to go out looking for a drummer. So yeah it started with those two people. The other two of us kind of made our way in.

How long has the band been together?

I joined at the very end of summer before freshman year, and back then we had a like a different drummer like every month.

That's interesting.

Yeah, it was kind of weird since I play bass. Bass and drum really have to work with each other so I would change what I played for like every person. It was kind of rocky to start with, but we found someone about 3 months in, who ended up staying for the rest of the next summer. So when we all decided we were in it for the long run, that's when we recorded our first album.

Wow, that's very cool. Yeah, but he decided to go back to school, so literally the day of our release party, we got a new drummer.

Oh wow! Fun fact, drummers are like the hardest people to find because if you're going to be a drummer, you have to be good because everyone can hear you. There was a really big shortage of drummers, and this is a problem that every band has.

I didn't know that.

So in this current state, we've been together about 2 months.

So even though the current band is fairly new, are you guys still playing songs from the first album?

Our new drummer, he didn't make his parts, he had to learn it. But obviously, from now on, it's going to be him.

Are you guys going to make any new music?

We've started making some new stuff, but we're probably going to record, I don't know, not for a while.

That makes sense.

Maybe sometime next year. But it's also a lot different, because the two members that started the band found me after everything was already written so like, in this case, it's everyone. It's more democratic in the way we're making music. It's like everyone is developing it together, rather than it being the work of two people.

So, I know you're a full-time student. It must be difficult to find time to practice.

It's f***ing hard. The good thing with my band is, they're really good at planning ahead. We'll set up a date for a rehearsal a week or two weeks in advance, I'm so grateful. The worst is definitely when we're recording an album. It was so hard last winter. I'd have to go down to the recording studio like twice a week, and it's like an hour away, so like what I ended up doing is bringing my homework and doing it in a dark lit basement. It was hard work, but it definitely paid off because now it's just basement shows and events, which are just a weekend sort of thing. Sticking it through recording was definitely a good idea.

Were you taught music/playing or writing? Are you self-taught?

Kind of, so like, I think I developed an ear for music growing up from piano lessons as a kid. Even though that only went up until like fifth grade, that's what taught me how to read music. And then through middle school, I played French horn, I played flute. And when I got into high school, that’s when I picked up bass and I really should've taken lessons then. I regret not taking lessons when I had the time to when I was like 14. I kind of just learned bass by ear. And the internet's fantastic.

I have other questions, but I'm trying to think of a question based on what you just said.

I mean I can keep talking if you want.

Yeah, go for it if you want!

I mean, here's the thing about bass, so like I've had my friends ask me to teach them before. A lot of people have this conception that "oh I have to start the same way I learned piano" with all the scales and fundamentals, but I think for bass it's heavy on intuition. Of course, you'll be a better musician if you know all the techniques and fundamentals but like you cannot be a bassist if you do not have some kind of musical intuition. Like over the first year I picked it up, by the end of the year, I listened to music differently. I never noticed bass parts before I started playing. And then once it like really clicks you start to listen for it, and that eventually grows into the intuition. Especially playing in a band versus an orchestra. I play in an orchestra every year, and it's much more technical. Playing in the underground music scene, its more about what sounds good, what works versus what doesn’t work.

So it's more about understanding the vibe?

Yeah, kind of. It's like what people say about writing, how you can't be a good writer unless you read a lot, it's the same way. You have to listen to a lot of music to be able to play well.

Do you guys ever spend time experimenting with different kinds of music, or do you stick to the same kind of genre?

Right now, most of our rehearsals are geared toward preparing for shows. But in terms of being experimental, I'd say there are 2 parts to that. Number one, there's a lot of cover songs. We'll just like jam sometimes and go off of each other and play whatever. But also we're like trying to be different for our second album… now that we're trying to follow up to our first album, we're trying to be more advanced in terms of adding more atmospheric sounds and big picture stuff. We're going to add some synth, maybe some more keyboard stuff. I think like in terms of experimenting, I'd like to do it more, but we're not going in the wrong direction.

I know Old Joy plays a lot of basement shows. What other kinds of gigs do you guys play?

Just last Friday we performed at the student center for the Seeing Eye club, I forget exactly what the event was called. Yeah so we did that, it was a fundraiser. And in a month we're going to be doing Overnight Sensations which is like a program run by WRSU, which is a Rutgers radio station. So every week they have bands come late at night. We've also done a lot of other charity shows.

And as far as setlist goes, do you have a specific order you play in?

Our album is 7, 8 songs. There are some songs that we all love, and some that we all don't want to play. So we'll play 4 to 5 songs and we'll do like one cover.

So it's short.

Yeah, it's usually like a half hour set. Also a lot of these songs, we recorded them in the winter so almost a year ago. Now that we're more mature musicians it's kind of like, I wish we recorded this differently or played this differently.

Do you guys tease new music in your shows?

Yeah we played a new song at our last show, which was last Friday… but yeah definitely.

Do you need to think about the audience, or do you just do you (as a band)?

It depends. We don't have very many songs yet, so there's a skeleton that we have to follow. It's usually the cover that we'll very. And then the other thing we'll mix up is the order. Sometimes it’s the energetic songs first if everyone seems dead. The hardest part is definitely when everyone's like "one more song!" and we don't have any more song.

What's your response to that? Do you guys play a song from the album that you wouldn't normally play?

We'll play another cover song, we have stuff that we kind of keep in the back in case we need it. But I wish we had more stuff.

How does recording working?

So basically what happens is, first everyone plays, to get a scratch track for timing purposes. Then everyone will go in on their own and we'll put it into the computer and do it as many times as it takes to get it right. It can take forever sometimes. And so the way we did this album was each time we went down there, we'd record one song. It took a while, but it turned out ok. The recording was less than half. The rest of the time was just mixing and then sending it out to get it mastered. Honestly, I'm not a fan of recording because sometimes I can get really perfectionistic. That’s why I really like playing basement shows. I don’t think I've ever played the same song the same way twice. Like this kind of goes back to the experimental thing. Thank god we play live shows because that's where you get to be creative as a musician.

How did you guys come up with the order of the album?

It's weird, I don’t think we discussed the whys of it. We all kind of came to a consensus. It might be a little bit subconscious, and it kind of goes back to the intuition of it. There might be some legitimate reason to it, like songs being in the same key. From what I can observe, I think the biggest things are tempo and mood. As an Alt rock, indie almost emo band, there are energetic happy songs like typical Alt Rock songs, but there are also songs that are really emotional. Like we have this one song "Rover Shore". Watching Phil do the vocals for that was literally spiritual. Like I've never seen anyone put so much emotion into one song. So obviously you wouldn't put that first. We put that sort of in the middle near the end. We never discussed the explicit details, it just flows somehow.

Yeah, it just feels right.

Do you guys plan on making music videos?

We filmed a music video last year, but because we switched drummers, we had to scratch all of that. I really wanted to because one of the girls in the band is a film major. It's definitely possible, the only issue is we all have no time. 3 of us are students, and one graduated but he has a full-time job. Yeah, the biggest issue is definitely time. I understand why some bands buy a house and live together like it definitely makes sense.

Do you have any other interesting stories? Anything cool!

The most exciting moment of being in this band was this Friday. We were at a house for a show and me and my bandmate we were just walking from one side of the room to the other, and we heard a group of people talking and they said Old Joy. It was the coolest thing 'cause it was like people actually know us. That was so exciting even though it was such a small thing because people actually recognize us. Like last week someone was at work and they said some of our music was on the radio. It was really cool!

What's weird is that the style of music that we play is not my style.

So what is your style?

I've never really gotten into indie music, but I figured I'd try it out. When I play on my own, I play a lot of Jazz and Funk. So this is very very very different. And this type of music isn't what I listen to but it's so interesting because the number of things you can do on bass is infinite. I do appreciate it, it's definitely grown on me. Before, all indie music sounded the same. Like to the average person, all classical music sounded the same. It's cool that I've learned so much through this.

Does it make it hard, not having listened to indie music beforehand?

When I first started, I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was sticking to the root notes, keeping time. Super simple. By the time recording rolled around, I got the hang of it enough to create my own tracks, but looking back on it now, I would do things 100% differently.

Natalie Kim is a talented young artist making her way through with her bandmates. With the first album already out, and another in the works, Old Joy is already paving their path into music. It's cool to see the beginning of a band that is transforming into something bigger, especially coming out of a local music scene.

Check out some of their songs:

#old joy #new brunswick #college #local music #indie #alternative rock #alt rock

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