it's actually embarrassing how into freddy i am

I'm desperate, broken... and I just want to cry.

Love Syndrome added to my watchlist

And this is the review that persuaded me

(・～・)

being back on my hannibal bs is like free therapy for me <3

I don't want to be a problem in they lives anymore, but even when I try really hard, that's all what I can be: a problem.

I don't know why I still try.

Lost ask

I just remembered I answered an ask with someone making a request for a fic. And now I can't find the post, and I can't remember what the request was. On the off chance that you, person who sent the ask, see this, please send it again if you want to! I'm so sorry!

So I have two werewolves in mind already

Do you ever get possessive of a fandom? Such that when you know someone you don't like is slowly joining it, you get all hackles raised and growly about it?

Haha, me neither, that's silly. >_>

As someone who grew up with "I'm not going to praise you for doing what's expected of you; that's not being good, that's doing the bare minimum" I want to encourage you to celebrate every little thing you can. Everything that takes energy and effort should be appreciated and you're allowed to be happy about trying.

FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S (2023)

i jumped out of bed in a cold sweat to make this

id: first image is the tumblr halloween icon, which depicts a skeleton-like ghoul in a spooky red robe. the second image is the same ghoul, now photoshopped to look like they're dabbing. end id

i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good

All or nothing.

I am like that. And in this period things are both good and bad.

Tomorrow I have a university exam, I studied and I hope it will go well; my nutrition and ed recovery are fine, I don't like myself as usual but at least I don't feel like total shit. The things that are bad are... Social life and friendship. I am COMPLETELY ALONE, I never go out with anyone and I have moved away from everyone. My best friend has moved, we always write to each other but we don't see each other very often, and I feel that she is moving away from me. Luckily my boyfriend is with me, if he were not there I would be truly alone in the world. I don't talk to anyone.

I am unable to manage social life, physical / mental health, study / work at the same time. I always have to suck at something.

i need to find a shader that is JUST RIGHT. because i now have a need to over complicate a playthrough (vesper of course, someday i'll get to you polly and sida) and just have all the companions be astarion/halsin. the fuck is wrong with me man...

man I wish people understood how much it sucks ass to be neurodivergent and trying to find the middle ground where people like/tolerate you. like, I'm either "boring" (trying to wait my turn in conversations, holding space for other people, taking a back seat to let others get some spotlight) or "too much" (too loud/talking too much, getting excited to share, trying to participate in group conversations/activities). No one really talks about how much of being neurodivergent is just sort of trying to make yourself palatable.

I feel like so much of my life has been spent trying to find this effortless sort of middle ground everyone else seems to automatically already know, and I'm always swinging too far one way or the other. I'm lucky to have neurodivergent friends who grok me, but goddamn I wish that I could just like, exist without the constant background script in my brain that's like "you're being too loud. You're not talking enough. you're being self-centered. you're being boring. you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong." I feel like I'm back in high school trying to make friends but stuck as the eternal "weird kid"

it's just... lonely and sucks bad.

not "i ship these characters" or "i want them to bond platonically" but a secret 3rd thing (I want them to be forced to interact by the Narrative bc they would HATE that)