#I’m so proud of her growth and recovery! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bronx-bomber87 · 9 months

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Happy Saturday :) Thank you to everyone who commented and liked/reblogged the last review. I was nervous to take on such an epic episode and it got well received. Thank you all truly you have no idea how much it meant to me. ❤️ We move onto post 2x11. The healing process. Or start of. This episode is an incredible follow up.

It shows why I love the Harper/Lucy dynamic so much. Their amazing scene in the shop wasn't gif'd so found a site that'll do easy gifs. So took video with my phone and made a few. So those be mine lol They are no where near the status of the ones I use from the library, but wanted it to have some sort of gif for it. So apologies for it not being as pretty haha Anyways The growth is unreal between Lucy/Harper and I’m here for it. Off we go.

2x12 Now and Then

We open our episode with Lucy putting concealer on her DOD Tattoo. She’s using her beautiful mirror to cover it up. It’s obvious she’s trying to cover up more than just the ink. Poor thing. I can’t even imagine the recovery mentally for something like this. We then see the guys talking about her over coffee in the kitchen. Jackson telling Nolan she had him run out at 6am to grab more concealer for her. Such a good friend. Says she does it every morning. John asks when she can have it removed?

Lucy comes out says ‘4 weeks, 2 days and 9 hours’ not that she’s counting... It’s her first day back she’s been cleared by medical and psych. Lucy asks that they don’t clap for her during roll call. I can’t blame her I hate being the center of attention in a public setting. Also its very obvious Lucy just wants to shove this into a box and move on. Sadly not how trauma healing works my dear…

We join Nyla and Tim at the station and she’s asking what he has planned for Lucy? I love her immediately wanting something in place for Lucy. Wants to see what he's doing to ease her back in. Tim explains he wants to do input overload. Forcing her to push through dynamic engagements. Hone in on her fight or flight responses. Nyla says so basically get her into a bunch of fights? Tim says he wants to remind Lucy she’s a cop not a victim.

Nyla is not even a little on board for this. Tells Tim she knows she isn't a victim. What she needs is to make peace with the voice inside her head. The one telling her she’s never going to be safe again. You can tell Nyla unfortunately has experience in this area. Tim fights back says he’s been training rookies a lot longer. He knows what she needs. (yes babe but not in this instance…) Harper tells him that’s ego talking right now and he concedes. (Look at him so proud.)

Nyla goes on to say what happened to her is every woman’s worst fear. It really is. I know it’s one of mine. Tim says he’s very aware of that. Her retort is perfect. ‘But you have never lived that fear.’ Harper is on it with the logic and good points. This is an excellent scene between them. They too have grown a lot in their interactions. Tim wouldn’t be giving her opinion on this time of day early on like he is now.

His face below when she tells him he can’t understand. It’s crushing. If he could undo her knowing this fear he would. He would do anything for that. Harper continues on trying to give him a little balm for his wounds. Says she knows he has her best interests at heart. Harper wants him to consider letting Lucy ride with her this week. To let her be served and guided by someone who’s been there. Tim looks sad and defeated but says 'And that Someone is you.’ She nods with tears being held in her eyes. Trying not to think too much about why she fits the bill so much.

This scene is outstanding. Both Eric and Mekia showing so much with just their expressions. You can see he feels for Harper too when she reveals this. It couldn't have been easy for her to do so. Also just adore her stepping in like this to take care of Lucy. By letting Tim know this piece of her history in order to convince him. Tim is throughly persuaded by Harper's plea. But also looks so very sad he can’t be the one to to guide her through this.

Especially when she’s done it for him so many times. I’m sure it’s killing him he can’t be her emotional support during this. As we all know that’ll come towards the end of this ep. It’s huge for him to step aside. Let Nyla take the reins like this and with Lucy of all people. His personal growth never ceases to astound me. Honestly this scene is that for both of them. Their arcs arcs are my favs. (Other than Lucy’s ha) They are my top 3 fav characters for a reason.

We start with roll call. Lucy apprehensively entering trying to avoid the clap. It happens anyways and she anxiously scurries to her table with the guys. Nolan says say he tried. Lucy says he’s dead to her LOL Grey announces she will be riding with Harper this week. This scene is another example of that incredible silent communication of theirs.

Lucy looks back to double check with Tim. Wanting confirmation this is true. He nods sadly at her like 'Yes you are and It’s ok.' Her face is a mixture of sadness/hurt but also trust. She knows he’s going to do what’s best for her. Even if what’s best isn’t him. I think she’s also a little confused as to why but doesn’t have time to question it any further. You’ll find out soon enough my girl.

Tim gets saddled with a ride along he didn’t approve. It’s too funny. Harper approved it knowing he would be stuck with it haha She’s grown a lot but she’s still Harper LOL Her satisfied face as she walks away is everything. Tim asks who it is? Cause he's not interested in tame calls today. (We know why) Nolan says his future daughter in law Abigail. That he actually wants to take high risk calls to scare her off. Tim smiles for first time says that’s his speciality haha

Lucy immediately asks Nyla why the switch? Sure that’s been burning a hole in her pocket since roll call. Harper gives her a simple answer. 'Tim thought she would’ve better served riding with her.' Lucy questions this. Goes off on a mini tangent saying this has to be a Tim Test. (Oh honey no. This is actually cause he cares about you. Not that your brain would think to go there honestly.)

Nyla bites back a little saying 'Do you think I would allow anyone to rope me into something like that? Especially Bradford?' haha Lucy says fair enough hehe Already their dynamic so much different this time around. More confidence on Lucy’s end. She asks again why the switch? Nyla lets her know due to her own experience she would have better insight for her. To help reintegrate her back out onto the street.

Lucy asks snarkily ‘Did you go on a date with a serial killer? ‘. Harper stumbles and says ‘Well no…’ Lucy cuts her off and says then she can’t help her with this. I think she’s still a little grumpy she’s not with Tim. She wants to take the Tim approach that she normally scolds him for. To push her emotions deep down in a box never to be opened. She then starts ranting off psychological exercises she’s been doing. Harpers face above says it all LOL Not even a little convinced that’s all she needs. Lucy finishes off with a shaky ‘I’m fine.’ Sure you are…

Harper and Lucy return to the station after helping out Angela out with an arrest. Nyla god love is her trying so hard with Lucy. Complete opposite of last time. Asks if she wants her to do paperwork? Lucy says no. Harper tells her she did a good job out there. Trying to commend her performance out in the field. Lucy is one worded again says ‘Thanks’ Harper smiles and says 'You're not gonna let me help you at all are you? Lucy reiterates that she doesn't need it. She’s fine. (You’re really not though..) Harper says ‘We’ll see.’

Lucy spots Abagail when Tim and Nolan are bringing in an arrest. She hugs her and thanks her for the basket and flowers. Tim like a moth to a flame flits over to them. Makes a classic jab at her. Says he lets her ride with Harper for half a day and now she’s hugging people on shift?

This scene is such a marriage moment. From her giving Tim crap about Abigail not buying his tough act, to him biting back that her fate isn’t in his hands like Lucy's is. (that one a little heavier for him than usual) Lucy is giving him the most wifey look as she knocks on him for his lack of bark. Damn I just love them sfm it’s insane. Look at these two clueless idiots haha Abigail ducks away to use the bathroom leaving them alone.

Tim instantly softens for her once Abigail is gone. Takes off his tough guy act to check in with her. Says he heard she dodged some bullets. Lucy asks if he’s keeping tabs on her? A smile on her face. You know she’s actually really hoping he’s doing that. It would prove to her he cares. More than you know Lucy far more than you know. He continues his marshmallow trend letting her know if she needs anything he’s there. Look at this man's face. He would do anything she needs. He's trying so hard to keep his bounds by letting Harper help her. But can't help letting her know if she does need him to just ask.

She asks for a Time Machine. His face. Sucker punch to my feels. If he could deliver that you best believe he would. What I love the most about this scene is Lucy's vulnerability. She's been fending off Harper all shift. Trying to convince her she's fine. Holding her cards very close to her chest. Two minutes with Tim that wall comes crashing down. She immediately confides in him that she isn't ok yet. That a time machine feels like the only way to fix how she is currently feeling. The sadness in both their eyes.

Her's seeking comfort from his and him wanting to fix it so badly. Trying to relay how much he wants to be able to do that for her. The immense amount of trust and comfortability they’ve built shines in this scene. She gets a stolen moment with Tim between calls and is more open with him than she’s been the entire day. Nolan and Jackson included in that. He is her safe space in so many ways. This scene truly showcases that. The emotional pull between them with those final looks. *heart clutch*

Lucy is getting changed in locker room and we see her run her fingers over the fading concealer. Wanting to cover it up it as soon as possible. She covers it up quickly when someone walks by. Harper and Angela ambush her and says she’s not going home but out with them. She’s so confused.

I love Nyla enlisting Angela on this. Says they’re gonna have a girls night. Lucy gets defensive at first and says she can’t believe Nyla is not convinced she’s ok. They do little white lie and say it's just to hang out. But if she doesn’t want to….Lucy jumps on their plan after that. Saying they've never hung out before but she's in. She asks where they’re going? A a bar? A club?

They lead Lucy to speed dating LOL It’s got some solid logic attached though. She's instantly uncomfortable. Nyla starts with saying Lucy was right. She had never gone on a date with a serial killer. Angela jumps in and adds ‘That would make anyone question their judgement.‘ Harper tells her she’ll never truly know she is fine if she can’t trust her judgement again.

That in this controlled environment she can get that back. By going through all these guys and sharpening it again. Also the song choice for this scene is perfect. 'Shaking off the rust'. Exactly what they’re trying to get her to do. She makes them do it with her. Haha They tell her that's fair enough. Angela pulls out a flask. LOL I love her.

Lucy gets started and grills the hell out of these guys. Asking if they’d submit to a full background check? If not why? Haha omg. This scene is really funny watching all their reactions. Harpers dead pan face as these guys say stupid crap is so funny. Their plan is going successfully until the final guy touches a thread on her sweater near the tattoo…

Lucy blacks out and he’s on his ass in seconds. Harper rushes over and tells Lucy it’s ok. Angela escorts the guy out quickly. Telling him. 'Maybe don’t touch a woman’s sweater without asking.' LOL How he doesn’t need to make a thing of it as she leads him out. I love them protecting her when she has a clear PTSD reaction. Harper asks what happened? Lucy doesn’t reply just looks mortified she’d done it at all. She takes off without a word. Poor thing.

Tim is none to pleased when word gets back to him about it. He asks Angela 'What the hell is Harper doing?' He took a huge leap of faith by letting Nyla do this. Angela backs her and lets him know Harper is doing this to help her. His instinctual fierce protector is coming out. Angela has to ground him a bit before he goes after Nyla. Says not to go all ‘Tim’ about this but thought he should know. He relaxes and softly asks ‘Lucy’s ok? ‘He is an absolute squishy marshmallow for her in this one and letting it show. I love it so much. Angela reassures him 'She will be.'

Lucy starts off her day saying she’s fine. It's like if she says it enough it'll be true. Smh. Harper reiterates she is not. Lucy continues on to say she was only doing what she was trained to. React quickly and subdue the threat. Harper disagrees. Replies that all the guy did was pick a piece of thread off her. That she was triggered. Lucy snaps and says ‘Yeah well what do you know about it?’ Oh Lucy. So very angry and barely keeping it in. Nyla sighs and knows she needs to share why she took Lucy on.

Just her word of being her best option isn't going to cut it. It’s here we finally find out why Harper decided she was the best option. Why sadly she could relate. The absolute sass on Lucy's face above when Harper starts her story. Like she thinks she will gain nothing from this other than a lecture. How wrong you will be. Harper begins with telling her UC you can never let go. Not even for a second. That it is physically and emotionally draining. Because you are reading through every glance.

Lucy continues the sass and replies ‘ So what you slipped up and someone figured out you were a cop?’ Nyla disregards her comment and continues. She takes a deep breath and you can see how hard this is for her to share, but she’s going to do it anyway. Tells Lucy she used to meet her case officer at a bar. It was the one place she could let go and truly be herself. Take off the mask of whoever she was at the time.

Tells her one night one beer turned into two and then she lost count. Says if it was any other scenario she would sobered up and cut herself off. But she wasn’t with the crooks she was with another cop. That she trusted him. She should’ve been safe. You can see the defensiveness from Lucy fade away as Nyla gets emotional. It’s inferred just by their looks what happened to her. Clearly he took advantage of her being drunk and violated that trust deeply. Realization washing over Lucy with tears in her eyes.

Nyla says it was a long time ago but the point was she shut down. Didn’t even tell her husband. Kept pushing her feelings down. Thinking she would just deal with them when she was ready. Lucy interjects ‘But with each week it only got worse…’

Nyla admits maybe she pushed her too hard last night, but she knows what it is like not to face things head on. Lucy takes a deep breath her words getting through. Looks like she’s holding back tears. Nyla is so sweet and supportive. Tells her she’s going to get through this. She promises. Such a good shot of them both. I talk a lot about Eric's expressions. Melissa too is incredible good at conveying so much with just a look. Written all over this scene.

Lucy NEEDED this moment. As much as Tim wanted to be this person for her he couldn’t be. Not in this capacity anyway. Nothing hits home more than someone who’s been through what you have. I commend and respect Nyla so much for doing this for her. Lucy asks what happened to her case officer? Best reply ever above. Note to self. Don’t mess with Nyla Harper. I love this woman SFM. One of the best female role models Lucy could’ve gotten post Capt. Anderson.

We roll back to Tim and Nolan in their shop. They’re ride-along free. So Tim decides to ask about Lucy. The concern just seeping out of his body. The way he grips the steering wheel while he does. Asking how she’s doing? Like really doing? Nolan tries to pass off a generic answer. Telling him she's good. Tim is deciding if he wants to call him on his BS or not. It’s written all over his face.

John sees the genuine concern on Tim’s face. Picks up on him feeling like that wasn’t enough of an answer. He amends it by saying 'Really.' Tim relaxes a little but not enough that he seems convinced. John decides to add more. Saying how once tattoo is off things will better. Like that’ll be the magical fix to all this. I mean it’s a drop in the ocean of what’s she dealing with. Tim knows that.

Why his reply schools Nolan. Questioning him on his POV of the whole thing. Asks him if he think's because its physical it somehow makes it worse? That tragedies always leave scars only some you can see. He knows that all too well. Not that Nolan will ever get an inch into that window. He gets her struggle so much more than Nolan ever would. God love John he sure tries but falls short. Just another reason why Tim is her person and Nolan never been could’ve been.

Anything that emotionally damages you leaves deep scars that take a long time to fade. I can relate to this all to well. Why I relate to Tim so deeply. I had that relentless emotional abuse growing up. Its not something you walk away with scot free. It stays with you whether you like that or not. It’s almost worse when you can’t see the scars, because people understand it less. Because there is no physical marker. Why Tim is so defensive when John pops off that the tattoo being gone will fix everything. It’s a start but nothing more than that.

We start this incredible moment with Lucy in the training room. Punching the hell out of a punching bag. Such a good parallel to the last time we were in here with 2x02. Roles very much reversed. Lucy uses her shirt to wipe her face exposing her tattoo. Tim sees this and respectfully looks away. Lucy awkwardly says ‘Hey...Hi 'His opening line is classic. Telling she’s got no quit in her does she?

He says it with so much pride though. The way he speaks about her with such reverence. I’ll never get over it. This entire scene. The pride he holds for her and this entire situation. Lucy tries to defer that to being around him. Says she gets it from him. Tim refuses to take any credit for that. Says she walked in the door that way. It’s what caught his eye in the first place. Wouldn’t be surprised if he heard about her arrest on the way in and requested her.

Here comes one of the most beautiful parts of this scene. He was about to walk away after their mini chat. Even says good night then stops himself. Hesitates for a moment before jumping into it. Some may think the best part is towards the end. When he’s telling her about her tattoo. Now that is one of my fav parts as well. It’s iconic. But I like to point out the parts that aren’t brought up as much. Tim decides just like Harper did to carve out a piece of his past. Share a piece of his soul and history with her. With the hopes it’s going to help heal her present.

Decides that is more important to do this than walk away leaving her to stew. Tim so badly wants to empathize and relate with her. God how far he’s come. The impact she’s had on this man. For him to even think to do this for her. Imma cry. I just love their development so much. Their slow burn is so well written. It’s such a beautiful thing to witness. Lucy had no idea with all her sunshine ways, empathy and understanding for his things, that she was teaching him how to be there for her emotionally. For Tim to show up for her like he does in this scene. She has awoken this portion of him and its showing.

Never be over Tim sharing a little piece of himself by telling her about his past traumas. Letting her know about the physical ones and more importantly the ones you can’t see. Telling her how they’re apart of who he is whether he likes it or not. They made him who he is now. Lucy tells him she appreciates it but it isn’t the same as what she went through. A sadist etched her day of death into her skin. S1 Tim might’ve backed off at this point. Seen her resistance to his help and tapped out.

What’s so great is he doesn’t deter from his course at all. Only strengthens what he’s going to tell her. He does what he does best. Adding some logic to his empathy. I love how fiercely he’s says his 'But you didn't die' line. So desperately wants her to understand what’s she’s overcome. How incredible he finds her resilience. How she fought to stay alive. You can see Lucy getting mad like he’s not getting it. He continues and says he’s in the ground and she isn’t. Her final words to Caleb came true. He died. She lived.

Tim backs it up with saying he isn’t telling her what to do. Which is huge for him. Also to quell her anger a bit. You can tell she is still trying hard not to continue defending her anger. He just wants her to have some perspective and possibly some peace. Which she has so earned at this point. Tells her his iconic line of how he views her tattoo. That she may choose to see it as her greatest failure. I would feel that way for sure. To have your security ripped away from you about something you felt confident about. Not only that but to have a reminder of that failure etched onto you. Never letting you forget.

He knows that she may see it as a massive failure. That she may also be worried that he views her as one because of it. Which is part of why Tim is letting her know his POV on this. Needs her to know that isn't what he sees in her at all. What Tim sees is bad ass survivor. The tattoo is proof of that. (Just like when she saw his kinesthetic learning as a strength and not a weakness) She survived something incredibly traumatic and came out the other side. Not a damn person can take that away from her. He is her fierce protector and sometimes that means protecting her from herself. Which is exactly what he's doing in this scene. She is beating herself up so much over this and he won't have it.

Her teary ‘Thanks’ is a mirror to his back in 2x02. I love it so much. He couldn’t be any cuter putting his hands in his pockets. Asking her if she’s riding with him tomorrow? Like a nervous boy asking his first girl he likes out. She laughs and smiles replies yes sir. That beautiful smile of his he reserves just for her comes out.

She needed Harper a majority of the ep no doubt. But she needed to finish strongly with a moment with Tim. To really seal the deal towards that healing. To have a deep convo with her person. Tim finally getting to be there for her the way he wanted to be the entire episode. Wonderful moment to end the episode on.

He then tosses her the ring that saved her life. (My shipper heart trying not to explode with how long he's been carrying that in his pocket.) It’s then we see the change in Lucy completely. That smile he’s been working towards this entire scene. She's in awe he kept it and returned it to her in this moment. The way these two look at each other. Said this before but if you had no context you’d think they were together already. The in love looks this scene ends with. My shipper heart is gonna implode. The heart eyes are out of control in s2 and I love it. Perfect way to end this episode.

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Side Notes-Non Chenford.

Not really anything. Jackson had his own SL separate with Angela. Otherwise it was a pretty intwined episode.

Thank you to everyone’s continue likes/comments (oh how I love the comments) and reblogs. They make every ounce of effort for these worth it. Shall see you all in 2x13 :)

#Caitlin rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #summer rewatch #waiting on s6 #s2 #2x12 Now and Then #2x12 #the rookie #The rookie 2x12 #tim bradford #lucy chen #tim x lucy #lucy x tim #eric winter #melissa o'neil #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well.#tim bradford x lucy chen

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seemawrites · 1 year

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Growth is Not Just Ageing

I was at my mothers house for the last week. It was an interesting time. It was pleasant that I got home-made food, but at the cost of small freedoms. I didn’t mind that too much, definitely not as much as I did as a kid. Being back home in the childhood space that drove me insane, it’s interesting to see how okay I have been in the last few years. During university, I was at the end of my recovery, moving back, I felt as if it would all fall apart at the seams, but that’s just an illusion. It doesn’t matter where you live, as long as your insides are good, you’ll be good too. It took me moving out of my parents house, and living with them at a distance to realise that. When I was a teenager, I would be upset that I couldn’t just smoke cigarettes freely in the house. But now as an adult, I like that I’m forced to smoke a minimal amount a day when I'm at their house. My mother and I are getting along better, but I think that may be due to efforts on my side. We watched Turning Red together recently, where the mother realised how much her holding on to her daughter, ruined their relationship, and in turn, ruined her daughter.

But, since it’s a Disney film, of course they didn’t show to what extent that kind of relationship can do to a person. I almost cried watching it with her next to me, and when the film ended, she turned and said “wow, that was a sweet movie”. I don’t think she understood the point. But I’m also somewhat happy she didn’t understand the point. We have found peace bouncing around the fact that I am moving in the world, and doing my own thing, without my parents in my life. She’s happy (proud even) that I have figured out the ways of the world by myself. But, sometimes I wonder what kind of relationship we would have if she realised that I could’ve ended up a very different person than what I am now, if I didn’t have the right tools as a teenager to heal. Family is a very weird complicated thing. I have come to learn that parents are just vessels that bring you into this world. And it is really as simple as that. Kids are tiny human beings who are learning, and they grow to be adults with their own unique personalities and how they choose to live their lives. I wonder how many parents would have their worlds shaken if they took a step back to realise that. I’m not sitting here trying to say that my parents were terrible, or that I need an apology from them. But it would be nice if they would be able to acknowledge that I am my own person now. I have been the black sheep of the family since I was a young child. I may not have liked it as a kid, but I grew up to love the fact that I am different. I’ve been given the label of “the eccentric cousin” which I like. I think it definitely fits my personality. I’m happy with my tattoos, I’m happy that I have friends who love me so much that they are my family, I’m happy that I like to go out and dance and can be a bit crazy at times, I’m happy that I have a loving boyfriend by my side who cares about my well being. I’m happy, happier than I’ve ever been before the age of 20. I haven’t cried on any of my birthdays since 20 either, which I feel is a huge improvement on how I view myself and my life. I just wish there was a way I could show my parents that my happiness and who I am happy with, is not a reflection of how they raised me, or even a reflection of how I feel about them. We may have our differences, and we definitely come from different generations, but I still love them. If therapy taught me anything, it’s that we’re traumatised by parents who were traumatised by their parents who were traumatised by theirs, etc etc etc. I can’t blame them for how they are, and I can’t be mad at them for it, especially seeing the amount of effort they have put in to become better parents. I’ll forever be grateful to my therapist for teaching them and showing them how they needed to change. They may not have taken every single lesson, but they changed in the ways that were the most important.

#creative essay #writing

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gingermcl · 2 years

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There are many paths to recovery and no one but the person is recovery actually knows what methods are (or aren’t) helping. An addict may have to try various treatments until he finds one that works.

Putting the substances down is only half the recovery process. The other half is healing the inner child, healing trauma (that likely caused us to use in the first place) learning new coping skills, how to deal with negative emotions, and so much more. Recovery is an active practice of working towards your betterment, not just abstaining from a substance. In the AA program the term used for someone who only puts substances down but does no further betterment is a “dry drunk.” It is chaotic behaviors that differentiate SUD from dependence.

Recovery involves learning new behaviors & coping skills,learning to love, forgive, & accept the self, and finally developing an inner peace. Recovery is taking action, working toward becoming a better person, and living honestly. Recovery is daily and it is a lifelong journey. If you’ve managed to put downsubstances but are still stuck in old patterns and behaviors, it may be time to explore something different for yourself.

You are on YOUR own journey in recovery. Be open to trying new things. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results. if you want your life to be different than the past, you need to honestly observe your thoughts and behaviors and be willing to try something different.

I’m talking about doing things like reading the AA and NA literature, reading books on addiction, reading books on self growth, betterment, trauma healing, seeing a therapist if you have the ability to do so say with your insurance. Lots of insurance companies will pay for 20 visits a year. Online support groups, natural practices such as meditation, time in nature, eating healthy food, getting enough sun, all of these things combined together greatly affect how a human being reacts to an perceives this world. Having a hobby can be incredibly helpful.

We all do the best we can with the tools we have at the time & we’re all just trying to survive this reality. Forgiving the self for choices we made when we didn’t know better, developing self acceptance, & recognizing patterns that lead to our inner discontentment are important.

For example someone who grew up with narcissistic parents was most likely taught to put another’s needs in front of his/her own and we feel guilt for taking care of ourselves and following our hopes and dreams. Such parents often try to control our recovery journey. When no one but you knows exactly what you feel, what you’re willing to do, and what may work. It’s issues like this that we figure out are happening and begin to work on during a recovery journey.

When it comes to your recovery you MUST do what your instincts tell you regardless of what anyone else says or threatens. You are the only one who can truly assess yourself. Don’t put your life in another’s hands. Especially anyone clueless about addiction. Addiction is a life and death situation. There is no guarantee an addict makes it back to recovery after a relapse.

Surviving addiction is something everyone should be so proud of and I want everyone to give themselves the best chance to never go back down that path.

Medically assisted treatment when done properly absolutely is recovery; anyone who says otherwise is so ignorant or grossly misinformed that it’s infuriating & pathetic at the same time.

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justoneacatperson · 3 years

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Two babies broccoli

Alpha! GN! Reader x Pregnant! Omega! Midoriya Izuku (Headcanon)

This is reupload from my old blog!

I would say that his pregnancy was accidental, not planned. You are two heroes who are trying to climb the charts, and your mate is struggling to be the number 1 hero, there are no children in your plans.

But apparently a month ago, when you both entered your cycles at the same time, blurred by lust and instincts, you forgot protection. So now the green-haired omega walks back and forth in the bathroom, muttering hundreds of questions under his breath as he waits for the time for the pregnancy tests to over.

His phone rang, announcing that the time had over. He stopped the alarm, looked in the mirror, taking a deep breath. Now is the time, he thought. He took one of the three tests, looking at how many traits had. Two large clear red lines appeared. Midoriya couldn’t believe it, looked at the other tests, seeing the same results. Tears welled up in his eyes, threatening to erupt like waterfalls.

Now what? He has to tell you. You’ve both commented that you want children at some point in your life, but not is the time. Deku is already in the top 10 best heroes, and you are in 17th place. It took a lot of time and effort for both of you to get to where you are now. Are you ready for that? You put a lot of time and work into reaching this position. Will you be happy or angry? He never saw you angry at him, you were the most wonderful mate in the world in many ways, but now the situation is very different from all you have been in.

It was late when you came home from a patrol and imprisoned several villains while Izuku had been home for several days due to illness.

-“Izu?” you called, taking off your shoes in the hallway. You immediately heard footsteps on the floor coming towards you. You looked up smiled when you saw your omega. -“How are you?” you asked, giving him a hug.

-“I should ask you this question.” he replied, running his finger over the cut on your shoulder.

-“A villain managed to hurt me, but it’s nothing serious, just a scratch.” you answered quickly so as not to bother your mate. -“So you?”

-“Well… I have something to tell you.” he replied, arousing your curiosity. You released him from your embrace, placing your hands on his shoulders.

-“Whatever it is, I’m listening.”

Midoriya tried to say something, but no sound came out of his mouth, so he took the test out of his pocket, showing it to your eyes. It took you a second to realize what he showed you, and immediately your eyes widened.

-”Omega, you…”

-“Yes, I’m pregnant.” he did not know what to expect before you wrapped your arms around him, lifting him off the ground and turning him a few times in a circle. -“(Y/n) !?” exclaimed Izuku, stopping you. You smiled, kissing his nose.

-“I’m very happy, Izu.” you said, touching your forehead with his. The omega chirped merrily, and tears streamed from his eyes. -“It would be amazing to have puppies together.”

First Trimester:

Midoriya wanted to keep working while he could. He takes only tasks related to patrolling and paperwork, and starting to show his pregnancy, he will go on leave maternity and will only do paperwork.

You have become very protective of your omega. You will always scent him from head to toe to mark it as your own.

You had to tell your mate’s mother. Inko was in complete ecstasy, crying and hugging her son in a bear hug, shouting how proud she was of you two and that she couldn’t wait to become a grandmother.

He had a slight morning sickness that he only had in the morning and late at night.

His sense of smell and hunger sharpened. From morning to night he eats his favorite food - katsudon, but of course you can`t leave your pregnant mate to eat only that. Midoriya has no food he hates or can’t eat, but sometimes there are many weird combinations of foods he likes to eat.

On your appointment to a doctor, you both learned that you were expecting twins. You were both in shock and joy at the same time. You didn’t expect to have more than one puppy, so you need to rearrange your plans a bit. Because he had twins, he started showing up early, and your protective alpha instinct didn’t want to put him on missions anymore, so he was left to do only paperwork.

Second Trimester:

In fact, Deku is a very nesting omega. The nest has always been the most comfortable and safe place for omega, their confidential place. The green-haired omega needed his nest more during his years of growth, due to the traumatic news that he was quirkless, the constant harassment by Katsuki had made him spend more time in his nest, seeking solace. He now has a new occupation to remodel his nest for hours until he thinks it’s okay. He was so focused that you asked if he needed anything, if you could get more things for his nest.

He had made several nests in your house. The main nest was in your bedroom, next to your bed - big, fluffy, soft, made mainly of All Might merch, of course. There are two smaller ones in the living room and in the nursery where your puppies will be.

Izuku had pain in his ankles and back from the weight of the twins. You will often smear him with oils, giving him a light massage. He always tried to tell you that he was fine and didn’t need to, but you’ve seen enough of him since his school years to be with Recovery Girl or in the hospital often, because he doesn’t take care of himself and makes life-threatening decisions, you don`t want him to get worse, you have no rejection, and your omega has no choice but to agree.

Stretch marks appeared on his abdomen and thighs, which you bless! You will not allow insecurity to crawl up to Deku, you will always show that you love him and he attracts you, no matter how he looks like.

You started making the children`s room. Your close friends like Uraraka, Iida, Shoto, Tsu, even Bakugou helped you a lot with painting the walls, assembling the furniture. (Katsuki even made very spicy ramen for the green-haired omega, as you told him that he’s been craving spicy lately).

You were above the moon when you felt the puppies kicking under your palms.

At your next checkup, you found out that your twins are girls.

Third Trimester:

In the last months of his pregnancy, Izuku did not want you to leave him alone home. His inner omega needed you more than usual and will whine when he doesn’t get enough attention or closeness from you.

Spend most of his time lying in his nest and sleeping, to your happiness and surprise. It is rare to see Izuku Midoriya do nothing You like to lie next to him and brush up his curly hair with your fingers.

Babies became very active in his womb. They move and kick. You were both in cloud nine when they began to move in his belly, and you will both enjoy those moments. But in recent months, the puppies are too strong and kick their mother in the kidneys and ribs, which does not affect him well. It is difficult to calm them, your omega manages to sleep no more than 3 to 4 hours a night, because at night they are very active. This is slightly offset by his constant bed rest.

Birth:

7 hours of labour - sweat, tears, fatigue, but they were worth it when your little ones came into the world. You held one of your daughters while Midoriya held the other. They both looked the same - curly (h/c) hair, emerald green eyes, freckles all over their faces, and their skin something between yours and his color.

-“They’re beautiful.” you said, sitting on the hospital bed next to your omega. He let out a little tired purr, leaning against your chest.

-“That’s right.” you planted a kiss on his head.

#bnha omegaverse #mha omegaverse #bnha mpreg #mha mpreg #omega izuku midoriya #omega midoriya izuku #omega deku #izuku midoriya x fem!reader #deku x fem!reader #deku x male reader

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ramp-it-up · 3 years

Text

It Takes Two

Pairing: Soft Dark!Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI. Curate your own experience. Cursing, drinking, cheating, breakups, rehab, recovery, deception, lies, celibacy, manipulation, wedding planning, semi-public explicit, rough, sex, oral sex (m receiving), degradation kink, breeding kink, choking, dubiuous con (b/c of deception). Darkish! Scott Evans. This is not proofread!

A/N: @lovebittenbyevans gave me a great idea about still dealing with Chris when commenting on The One. I thought that the Chris in that fic could really go left and get pretty Dark and dirty. And then....

Anonymous asked:

Imagine Chris cheating on Y/N …

That made me think up this fic. It is a sequel to The One. I hope you like it!

-----

You left him.

You flew to Montreal to surprise him on set, trench coat and lingerie and everything, and when you opened the door to his trailer, you saw Heidi on her knees giving Chris a blowjob.

You cussed him out, threw the ring back in his face and turned around and left.

You blocked his number, moved out of his house and cut off all contact. You were done.

The audacity of Chris being indignant about your warnings about Heidi when he was boning her all along.

You loved Scott, but you had to cut him off too after he tried to explain that Chris was drunk when you found him, and was going to rehab to deal with his issues.

It was classic celebrity bullshit and you didn’t have time for it.

You decided to center yourself, and swear off all relationships and sex. You wanted to purge your mind of all that weighed you down.

You concluded that love, sex, and Chris Evans made you feel heavy as fuck.

You moved to New York City. It was far enough away from Chris and your folks in Houston to give you some peace.

You could still run your business and even think about a storefront. It was the perfect location to live your best life, eat healthy, exercise, socialize and network.

You fell in love with yourself, and you didn’t think much about Christopher Robert Evans at all.

Only every time you went on IG or Twitter, even though you blocked him and his hashtags. And every time you went to Target, because his fucking movies and merchandise were everywhere.

But you were cool, because you were doing you. You weren’t looking for love.

Of course, that’s when it found you.

Six months after you left Boston, you were at a natural beauty products expo in Brooklyn hawking your wares.

Your business had taken off, with almost a half million dollars in sales, and you were being interviewed by a major news outlet of color when one of the correspondents caught your eye.

You flirted, exchanged numbers and ended up going on a date. In another three months you were engaged to him.

Kevin Watts made you feel safe, protected and loved. And he wasn’t just after sex. He was well off, and secure in himself and you. It just felt right.

When Kevin proposed, it was just you and him at your favorite restaurant. So romantic.

Not like the rowdy family 4th of July party at which Chris asked you to marry him last year, in front of both your parents.

The laughter and the joy was just a little much.

This was perfect. You didn’t miss Chris at all. You set about planning your wedding with a profound sense of peace and safety.

You and Kevin were meant to be.

----

Chris was nothing without you.

Nothing but an award winning actor and producer, a multi-millionaire and founder of a major organization dedicated to bringing opposing political viewpoints together.

All of that was cool, and it kept him going, but when he lost you, he lost his motivation.

Chris didn’t take any more roles after the sequel with Heidi, and he dumped her post haste. He did enter rehab and realized that he depended way too much on alcohol to dull his emotions.

He got drunk off his ass when he was away from you because he missed you so much, and that led to him letting Heidi think that she could have him.

She’d had him physically, but never his heart. Or his mind. You owned those.

Chris followed your business closely, and was proud of your success.

Of course he followed your social media on burner accounts and saw that you were doing well.

You looked like you enjoyed being single and seemed healthy and happy.

He couldn’t ask for anything more for you.

Except to be his again.

Chris was just biding his time for your reunion, deciding to give you a year before he made his move.

Now he felt every emotion, and he knew that you must still love him too.

You just needed to realize that your life would be even better with him back in it.

The year apart would be just punishment for what he’d done to you, and when you came back together, it would be better than before.

Everyone speculated on his bachelorhood, wondering if he would settle down, speculating and gossiping about who he was with, but he just played coy and kept quiet.

No one would know that he was yours and yours alone, and that you were still his.

You just didn’t know it.

But you weren’t going along with the plan that you didn’t know about.

About seven months into his self-imposed purgatory, a complication started popping up on Chris’s feed.

Kevin.

And a couple of months after that, a post of a proposal, in a restaurant.

The asshole probably didn’t even ask or involve your folks. Chris was in a rage for a week.

He almost started drinking again, but as he got ready to drive to the liquor store, Kevin’s face flashed on his screen doing a report on the election.

Instead of making him even more angry, he smiled, elated at the thought that came to him.

Chris had a new plan, and it was going to be even better than before.

-----

The last three months had been a whirlwind, and you never thought it would turn out this way.

You were planning your wedding with your mother, discussing the seating at the reception, and you deciding where Chris Evans and his date would sit.

What a time to be alive.

Your mother only let it slip a couple of times that you should be marrying Chris, but for the most part, she kept it cute.

You explained to her that everything was squashed between you and Chris, and that he and Kevin had a great relationship, were friends, even.

They’d bonded over politics when Kevin interviewed him, and became buds before Chris even realized that you and he were together.

Kevin knew, but he wasn’t the jealous type, and he didn’t want to make things awkward. Surprisingly, Kevin insisted that he be at the wedding.

You thought about it and decided it would be the ultimate closure for Chris to watch you marry someone else.

You were pleasantly surprised at Chris. He was handling this very well. He never tried to contact you, and according to Kevin, never even mentioned you. That was growth.

Maybe you too could be friends.

You felt good about it. So much so that you unblocked him and started a dialogue.

-----

Hi.

Chris saw your number come across his apple watch and he practically did a dance. It was 9:24 pm. He picked up his phone and stared at the word, forcing himself to wait and not respond. He went to work out.

47 minutes later, he responded.

Hello?

This time, he sat and waited for your response, which came 7 minutes later.

I just wanted to say, I appreciate the way you're handling this.

Chris bit his lip, imagining you sitting there, thinking of what to say and staring down at your phone.

I’m sorry, I don't know who this is. You may have reached a wrong number?

He grinned at the play.

-----

Your heart dropped. Did he no longer have your contact?

Why would he do that?

You don’t know why you felt some kinda way; you’d blocked him.

Maybe he had changed his number and this was no longer his. Your heart was beating fast when you texted back.

Is this Chris? This is Y/N. I was just texting about Kevin Watts.

You anxiously watched the thought bubbles on imessage.

----

Even though you’d texted back almost immediately, Chris kept you hanging for just a couple of minutes. His dick was hard at the thought of communicating with you.

Fuck, you were such an aphrodesiac.

Oh shit! Y/N I’m sorry. I got a new phone.. You know how it is…

He knew you wouldn’t believe that. That’s why he said it.

You just stared at the phone. That was bullshit. You can easily port your contacts into a new phone. You just never believed that Chris would really move on. And you didn’t know why.

You had.

You took a deep breath and continued.

Lol, No worries! Just wanna say thank you for being cool with my Boo. I’m gonna turn in now. Check you later.

You tried to keep it light.

Chris ignored the ‘my Boo’ comment and focused on the thought of you in bed.

You usually slept in a tank top or t-shirt and panties, and the top would invariably come off because you got hot.

And then things would invariably get hotter if he was in bed with you….

Cool! Sweet dreams. Check you later. 😉

Chris made sure to exit your message thread and come back so that you wouldn’t see the thought bubbles that he saw when you kept staring at the text.

You were lost in the times that Chris always used to say that to you, and when he whispered “Sweet Dreams” in your ear when he was far away, you always had wet dreams about him.

And that wink.

How could a fucking yellow emoji turn you the fuck on?

You reached for your bullet vibrator as you continued to stare at the interaction.

Chis had already started stroking himself when you told him you were going to bed.

Knowing that you were thinking exactly what he wanted you to got him close, and he didn’t even have to pull up your old videos to get off.

Not tonight.

-----

Over the next few weeks. you’d texted a few times, Chris ‘made amends’ and you accepted his apology.

Then, you started texting more regularly, mainly joking around about sports, your Celtics/Rockets rivalry ever raging.

From your perspective, Chris was always appropriate and respected your relationship with Kevin. You were glad because you’d missed your friendship with him.

You felt giddy that your life was working out so well, and you traveled to your weekend getaway in the mountains for your bridal shower with a light heart.

Chris attended Kevin’s bachelor festivities with only a week to go until the wedding.

——

From Chris’s perspective, things were working out better than he’d hoped.

Scoring an invite to the wedding was more than he’d imagined, and Kevin inviting him out to his Bachelor party was just icing on the cake.

Maybe he could make Kevin slip up enough so that you would dump him before the wedding. Chris was hopeful.

If not, Plan B was the nuclear option.

-------

Kevin was following the stripper’s ass like a puppy. He was lit on booze and pills (that Chris provided) and his guard was down.

Kevin considered Chris a friend.

Chris just wanted to keep Kevin close because he was the enemy.

They were talking about you.

“She’s so fucking innocent. A sweeter angel there never was. I’ll have to teach her how to fuck.”

Chris almost choked on his water.

“I'm sorry. What now?”

Kevin just barreled on, ignoring the question.

“That's how I know I need to wife her.” He was talking to Chris, but still staring at the stripper.

“She would never chase the D. Hell, she won’t even touch mine. You know, her being celibate and all.”

Chris raised his eyebrow and smiled, which Kevin never noticed. Chris shook his head at your antics. His little beautiful love.

“That’s why I was never pressed that you are her ex. I mean, I’m impressed you were with her as long as you were.”

Chris just smiled and nodded, curious as to where this was leading.

“A man like you don’t have to put up with that. You must have punani lined up for days, bro.”

Chris’s heart lept. This dullard did not have access to your pussy. HIS pussy. Never has.

Chris could fuck a lot of people a million ways from Sunday with one text. Except for you. And you were all that mattered.

“I don’t know about all that.” Chris put on his best, ‘aw shucks’ act.

Chris was over the moon. You were still his. In every way.

Kevin kept tipping the stripper and was trying to call her over. He asked her about a private lap dance. Chris’s eyes lit up. This asshole was making it too easy.

The stripper nodded and went back to finish up her set. Chris walked over to the bar.

“Aye!” Chris summoned tha bartender over.

“What can I get you, Sir.”

“I don’t need a drink. I wanna take care of my friend over there. He’s gonna have a lap dance with Star. It’s his bachelor party. I need it to be extra special.”

Chris started peeling off hundreds so the barkeep could see.

“And I need him to have some keepsakes, so he’ll remember it always.”

More hundreds came off. The bartender’s eyes got bigger and bigger. “That’s no problem.”

Chris flashed his famous smile.

“Great, let me tell you where to send them. Wanna make them a wedding present.” He wrote down an address on a napkin.

He was now on Plan C. And it was perfect.

------

A week later and the rehearsal at the church was more fun than you thought it would be. You weren’t allowed to participate, just watch, as the result of an old wives tale.

The church secretary found you in the pews. She handed you a manila envelope.

“This was mailed here yesterday, probably an invoice of something for the wedding, I put it aside for you, sweetie.”

You smiled back at her and tucked it into your purse, not wanting to distract yourself with more wedding bills.

Later, when you and Kevin were in the back of the car to the restaurant for the Rehearsal Dinner, you pulled it out and opened it. You couldn’t believe your eyes.

“What the ENTIRE FUCK KEVIN!”

You threw the pictures of him fucking a stripper in his face, startling him out of staring at his phone.

He picked one up, his mouth dropped open and started talking.

“Look, Baby, Baby! I can explain!...”

“DO NOT FUCKING LIE TO ME KEVIN! WE HAVE OVER 300 PEOPLE HERE FOR OUR WEDDING TOMORROW MORNING.”

Kevin was on his knees in the back of the suburban.

“Listen to me.. Listen. I’m a man. I have needs…”

“Kevin, I swear to god….”

“Okay, okay… I admit it…”

You listened to him and your heart went silent. You couldn’t even absorb what he said.

When you pulled up to the restaurant, you straightened your dress and looked at him coolly.

“I am NOT going to deal with this tonight. Tonight was supposed to be a fun celebration of our wedding. I will decide later if it's still going to happen.”

Kevin was terrified.

“Right now, you and I will go into this place, greet our friends arm in arm and pretend that you are not a fucking narcissitic asshole who just ripped my heart to shreds. Got it?”

“Yes, but I-”

“Do NOT speak to me unless I speak to you first. Or it's automatically off.”

Kevin just nodded and cleared his throat.

You raised your chin and said, “Let’s go.”

-----

Two hours later, dinner was over, and you were lit on your way to TURNT.

Chris observed you, from the moment you entered holding hands with Kevin to the second you dropped his hand in disgust, to the way you held yourself away from him at dinner, but then put on a sweet face when everyone spoke, to Kevin, who was an absolute mess.

He figured you got the pictures. He suppressed the glee that was coursing through him.

But he couldn’t figure out why you were still going on with the charade.

Chris didn’t make a beeline for you like he wanted to, he just let the natural flow of the party lead you to him. He was talking to your cousin when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around.

“Hey you.”

You cocked your head at him in that way and looked up at him, your smile brightening your face. Damn, he had to plant his feet. You smiling at him like that made him feel faint.

You both heard your cousin say something, but you didn’t pay attention, caught up in your own orbit.

“Hey.”

Chris crossed his arms, and you swore that he was recalling the time when you told him your forearms made you horny. Fuck. Chris made you wet and you were fresh out of fucks tonight.

“So, I can’t have a hug?”

Chris shook his head at your line and opened his arms to embrace you, keeping a respectable pressure and distance until you hugged him tight and pressed close.

He couldn’t help but pick you up, but he put you down immediately, cleared his throat and backed up, looking uncomfortable.

That wouldn’t do. You wanted more of his scent, his warmth, his HIM. You pouted unconsciously in your buzzed state.

Chris’s cock stirred. That fucking mouth had haunted his dreams for almost a year. He was pleased that you were flirting, but he had to work the plan. Couldn’t go too fast.

“You look… great. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow in your wedding dress. You will be a beautiful bride.”

Chris broke his voice in just the right place to convey a wistfulness, making you think that he thought he lost you.

You felt bad. Chris was so sweet. You thought about him and you thought about Kevin.

What was the difference between what Chris did and what Kevin did?

And who did you have more chemistry with? Chris.

Why were you even marrying Kevin?

You looked over at him looking at you and Chris like a lost dog.

You had no idea why you were marrying him.

“You look… Like Chris fucking Evans.” You two laughed.

“I bet you’re fighting them off with a stick.” You sideyed him.

Chris reveled in your interest in his sex life.

“Well, you know. After rehab, I’ve laid off the... physical part of my life. It only brought chaos, you know. I’m trying to be more… zen. Haven’t really had… that for the better part of a year.”

He watched your eyes get big.

“Word?” You smirked. “So you…”

Chris held up his hand. The one you knew he jacked off with. You grabbed it and started drawing on his palm. Chis pulled it back and cleared his throat again.

You pouted again. Him being hard to get made you wet.

And Chris knew that.

“So… you ready to marry the love of your life?”

Chris’s sea blues looked you deep into your cocoa browns. You were transported back in time.

“Yes.”

Then you snapped out of it.

“I mean… the church is set up, the dress is bought, everyone’s here. I guess so.”

Chris laughed as if you were telling a joke.

“I miss your sense of humor.”

You all made small talk and you caught up a little before you asked what you wanted to know.

“So what are you up to tonight?”

Chris looked at his watch.

“I’m actually about to go to my condo an turn in. I get up early to work out.” He felt your eyes sweep up and down his body, and he flexed even though he was fully dressed. It was true. Working out was a regimen. He wanted you drooling for him.

“It’s the Marvel condo in Brooklyn?”

You nodded, remembering good times.

“So you have a car picking you up?” Your mind was whirring.

“I actually have a rental.”

You gulped your drink down, not daring to look in his eyes. Now, not only was your pussy wet, your nipples were hard as hell.

“It’s in the parking garage down the block.”

“Well, I need to clear my head. I’ll walk you there, and you can drop me back?”

Chris looked down at your cute face, and then around the room, spotted Kevin and gave him a nod.

“You sure that’s a good idea?”

You looked at Kevin, too. You wanted to stick your tongue out, but you just took Chris by the arm and headed toward the door.

“I’m a big girl. Nobody owns me.”

You looked up into Chris’s eyes and instantly regretted that statement. You played it off and pulled him through the door.

You didn’t talk at all the entire way, both of your heads deep in the clouds of you and him. The chemistry was crackling the air between you.

You held on to his arm, and he let you, reveling in your touch.

When you reached the parking garage, Chris pressed the button with his knuckle and you got in, headed for the top deck.

You just stared at each other, both thinking the same thing. Chris chuckled.

“You’re dangerous, night before your wedding, you probably have cold feet, I’m here. Maybe you want to be sure that you’re sure…”

You cocked your head. “Who said I wanted to fuck you, Chris Evans?”

Chris cocked his head too, mirroring you. “Who said ‘fuck?’ I was thinking you wanted to talk.”

He smirked and you scowled as the door opened.

Chris left you in the elevator stewing as he walked over to the black Tesla he’d rented. There was no other car on the deck.

You scoffed, and followed him out.

He was about to walk around to the driver's side door when you grabbed his arm before he made it. He stopped directly in front of the car.

“Do you mean to tell me that you don’t want me?” You were hot, in more ways than one.

Chris leaned back against the hood.

“That’s not what we’re talking about, y/n. You’re getting married tomorrow. To someone else.”

You smiled and reached up, fingers grazing his neck and playing with the hair at his nape. You ran your fingers through his beard. Kevin’s couldn’t compare.

“That’s tomorrow. Tonight I’m single as fuck.”

You stood on your tip toes and brushed your lips against his, reveling in the moan that came from his throat.

Chris fought to control his urge and continued with his act. His fingers tightened around your waist and you thought this was it. He turned you around in front of the car and then let you go, stepping back to pace back and forth.

“What? What is this? You’ve had almost a year. Kevin’s my friend. What do you want from me?”

He advanced on you, and you had to remember to breathe. He knew what you wanted.

“You. I want you, Chris.”

Chris attacked your lips with his own. He took two seconds to savor them before he ravaged your mouth with his tongue. You moaned and he broke from your mouth to re-discover your face, your neck, your cleavage. He had to control himself not to rip the bodice of your blush pink chiffon dress.

He had a raging hard on, which you were feeling up, remembering how you always struggled to take him. You wanted him to hurt you with it now.

“Give me this Chris… please…”

You were reaching into his pants, thumb caressing his wet, thick tip. He was leaking for you.

“Remember when you told me that I would meet you in a parking lot, and let you fuck me over the hood of your rental car? Even if I was with someone else?”

You pulled your hand out and started sucking your thumb, closing your eyes at the taste of Chris after so long. You pulled it out with a pop.

“You were so right.”

Chris practically growled, grabbed your arm and spun you, pushing your back until your chest hit the hood of the Model X. He leaned over you, pushing his covered crotch into the back of your dress, you moaned, wanting more. His mouth was at your ear.

“Oh, so you want to be my cock whore on the eve of your wedding to someone else.” You moaned because it was true.

“It’s been so long, Chris…”

He reached down in between you and flipped the flouncy skirt of your dress up, exposing you to the wind of New York City. He looked at it for a minute, your ass always his favorite.

He caressed it with both hands, pressing into you with his thumbs.

“So you want me to feel you up?” He pulled his hand back and sucked one of them, practically jumping for joy when he tasted you.

“You want me to pull your panties to the side….” and he did so, seeing your slick shine in the moonlight, and playing in it for a minute, tracing your lips and making you quiver around nothing.

The way you were moaning his name was everything right now.

Your face was pressed against the cool metal of the car, and it was the only thing tying you to the earth.

“Oh yes, Chris…. Please please yesss...fuck me… damn...stretch me out…”

Chris’s dick pulsed and he needed you around him. He moved close again and unzipped his pants, the sound making your knees weak.

He teased your cunt with his tip, collecting your arousal and smearing it not only around your pussy, but around your asshole.

“I know you’ve fucked him, but have you let him have your ass? Am I still the only one…?”

Chris was still playing the game.

“No, no, no… I haven’t let him… I haven’t given him anything. I’ve been celibate, too. It’s still yours Chris. All of me is still yours.”

Chris almost came just hearing you say it out loud. He already knew, but hearing you say it was the shit.

He pushed into you with a grunt, and it was difficult. He didn’t make it. Your cunt squeezed him out.

“Ffffuck, y/n. You’re practically closed down. Is it true?”

He started rocking his tip into your pussy slowly, both regretting and reveling in the fact that he didn’t stretch you out with his fingers beforehand. Then he decided that he wanted you to feel this fully.

You couldn’t answer, only responding with moans has he painfully breached you. You welcomed it, though.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah… yes Chris. Only you.. Since you and I….” Talking about it and the fact that you were taking him again made you wetter, and eased Chris’s way, although your pussy was already stinging with his girth. Your eyes rolled back in your head.

You would never get over this and were so grateful for the feeling again.

Chris watched you and had to grit his teeth to hold back from the reality that he was taking you again.

He leaned over you, hot breath huffing in your ear, puffing and groaning as he fucked you slowly. He was trying to feel every sensation. He wanted you to know that each and every millimeter of your glorious wet, tight pussy was his.

‘Ohhhh. Fuck Chris… YESSSS!” Your voice echoed off the concrete walls, and Chris wanted you louder.

“This what you wanted? You wanted your thick cock inside you again. Hunh? You wanted me to stretch your walls and fuck you raw, hunh?” He started speeding up in time with your moans.

“Such a fucking filthy cockslut for me, baby.” Chris grabbed your neck from the back. “Why didn’t you let Kevin hit, hunh?”

You didn’t answer, you just moaned and Chris smacked your ass, hard.

“Chris! Fuck!”

You screamed. You missed his ruthlessness when you fucked, you missed him making sure that you knew that he knew that you knew. You belonged to him.

“Please!”

“I know why.”

Chris stopped fucking you and pressed down harder on your back, reaching around to find your clit. He swirled around it once, then started to press down slowly.

“Because you would never beg him for that subpar dick that he has. You’re MY whore. You belong to me.”

He pressed down roughly, and you detonated around his dick. He didn’t have to move. Chris pulled out, leaving you cold and bereft.

You turned around and leaned up against the hood, panting and still desperate for him. He stood there in front of you, dick sticking out of his pants, which were ruined, and still rock hard and ready. He was in a quiet rage.

“Why did you leave me?”

You searched his face. He sounded like he was about to cry. You couldn’t quite see his entire face, but his eyes shone, bright with liquid. You went toward him.

“You hurt me Chris. I couldn’t stay. But let me take care of you now.”

You got on your knees in front of him, the hard concrete of the parking structure digging into your knees.

Again, you welcomed the physical pain, distracting you from what you were doing to Kevin, to Chris, and to yourself.

Chris felt like he could fly. You on your knees for him again was a dream.

He took his cock in his hand, stroking it, while moving close to you. In no time, the back of your head was in his palm, and you opened wide to accept him, hand coming up to stroke what you couldn’t fit.

“Ah, ah. Let me.”

You looked up at him to see an evil grin shine down on you.

Chris looked down on an angel trying to swallow him whole. He brushed the tears away from your eyes as you struggled to breathe. You were perfection.

Moaning around him, you relaxed your mouth and throat and let him use you. It was difficult, because you were out of practice, but you welcomed the letting go of all thought.

You dripped down your thighs as Chris pumped into you, ready to accept what he had to give.

After a few minutes, he stopped, and pulled out, grabbing you up to your feet.

Then he bent down and grabbed you by the back of your thighs and you wrapped your legs around his waist, kissing him and trying to grind down on his still-erect cock as he backed you to the car.

Your ass hit the hood, and Chris reached between you to first tear your panties off. He put them in his pocket as he swiped his dick up and down your dripping wet folds.

He looked back up to watch your face as he pushed inside you, now, an easier path to nirvana.

He pulsed as he watched the pleasure take over your face, with your mouth slack and your eyes glassed over. This was his main purpose in life and he almost lost it.

He brought his hand up to bring you closer, breathed into your mouth as he squeezed your throat. You were high instantly, and clamped down on his cock as your body was wracked with waves of pleasure.

Chris let your body descend back down to the car as he pumped his seed into you, his mind fantasizing that he was impregnating you.

He shook your body as the last ropes of cum spurted out of him. He ran his hand down your body as he pulled out, zipping up his pants as you came back to your senses on the hood of the car.

You stared at the stars as you realized what you had done. You sat up and adjusted your dress, gingerly climbing back down to the ground.

Chris kissed you on the forehead, and this time you let him get into the driver’s seat. You got in the passenger side and Chris reached into the glovebox and handed you some wet wipes.

“Fix your face. And your knees.”

He nodded down to your legs, which were dirty from the parking structure floor. He watched you wipe your knees off, but stopped you as you went higher.

“No. I want you to feel me all night long.”

You wanted to be a brat, but you didn’t feel like sass right about now. You felt kinda terrible.

You got another wet wipe and fixed your makeup as best you could as Chris drove you back to the restaurant.

“Chris, I…”

“I know. None of that meant that we’re back together. That was for some kind of something, I dunno, something Kevin might have done?”

You looked down, ashamed. Chris lifted your chin up with his hand.

“I want you to come to me on your own. You’ve gotten that out of your system, and I’m glad to be of service.” You looked up into his eyes and at his wry smile.

“But remember, you still have a choice. I’m here if you choose me.”

He leaned over and gave you a tender kiss in front of the restaurant.

You smiled at him and climbed out of the car, watching as he drove off.

Chris’s heart was beating out of his chest as he watched you turn and go back inside. He fought the urge to turn around. It was better this way.

----

You walked in the restaurant, and pulled Kevin over to the side of the restaurant in dark alcove.

“Listen. Do you still want to marry me?”

He looked you up and down, taking in your state, from the faint marks on your neck to your scuffed knees. He knew exactly what was up.

You raised an eyebrow at him.

-----

Three hours later, a sleepy Chris answered the doorbell in Brooklyn.

He smiled at you, in the Captain America t-shirt and jeans that you’d stolen from him after a photoshoot, looking like his favorite Disney princess. You.

You took him in, clad in grey sweatpants that hung off his magnificently cut body. He blinked at you sleepily.

“The wedding is off. Chris, I….”

He reached out and grabbed you, pulling you in the brownstone and shutting the door behind you. He had you pinned up against the wall as you tried to speak.

“Shut up and let me taste you.”

You grinned and wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you upstairs.

---

The next morning, Chris was on the phone with Scott.

“Yes, tell the workers at the warehouse to dump all the products….I don’t care, the river, the landfill…. Y/N can’t find out that I bought up all her stock…. We’re going to be married..... I know what the fuck I’m doing Scott. We leave for Aruba this afternoon. Listen, I’ll call you later.”

Chris hung up and turned to find you in the doorway, frowning and rubbing your eyes.

“We’re going to Aruba?”

You smiled and yawned, sleepily stretching. That was all that you’d heard of the conversation.

Chris gave you his stunner smile.

“Yes. It was going to be a surprise.”

He reached down and swung you up in his arms, carrying you into the bathroom bridal style.

“Now let’s get in the shower. You’ve been very naughty, gotta get you clean for your wedding day.”

You giggled as you relaxed in Chris’s arms. “It takes two to be naughty, Chris.”

He winked at you as he turned on the shower. “Don’t I know it.”

-----

I know it’s different. Let me know if you like it. Like, comment, reblog!

Tags:

@olyvoyl @summerofsnowflakes @sillyteecup @riiyy @honeysucklechocolatedrippin @theselilwonders @lonelydance @chattykathysquietsister @anh1020 @nissameta1782 @afriendlyblackhottie @betterkeepmewetterthanabayou @jbrizzywrites @stilltoyou @donutloverxo @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @kiwisa @food8me @aiikaa @marvelfansworld @london-grunge @pheebsyells @thesecretlifeofdaydreams-bl-blog @douxtille @ximaginexx @fofisstilinski @bertieandberries @ladystrawberry @bit-of-a-timelord @chesca-791 @calimoi @fangirlfree @bbaengtan @karolsboo @aliceforbes @insertpithyusername @sickknik @photmath @whorekneebrain @anacrcarvalho @iconicshit @spicybibimbap @chaoticsteverogers@txtsfromyourex @sadthotsonlylove @ikatieebabyy@nerdymugsharkempath @maroonsunrise83

#Chris Evans #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x black reader #soft dark! chris evans #chris evans smut #chris evans imagine #chris evans fan fiction #Chris Evans angst #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans reader insert #chris evans x you #chris evans x reader #Chris Evans 40th #chris evans birthday celebration 2021

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agiledragothe3rd · 3 years

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Aang: Here, Azula. A turltleduck.

Azula, confused af: What's this for?

Aang: It's for you. I thought that since you had just recently gotten over your depression, you'd probably need an animal guide to help you continue with the rest of your recovery. Besides, it'll also help you with your spiritual and mental growth.

Azula, scoffs: Hmmph! An animal guide? How is a dumb animal like this supposed to help me in any way?

*weeks later*

Zuko: Azula, why are you meditating beside a pond? We have a meditation garden.

Azula: I know.

Zuko: Don't you prefer using the meditation garden?

Azula: I do. But my friend here prefers meditating in the water.

Zuko, looks at the pond: Do you mean that turtleduck floating in front of you?

Azula: Yes. Do you have a problem with that?

Zuko: Err... no...

Azula: Great. Now if you don't mind, Ory and I would like to meditate without any interruption.

Zuko: Err... sure. Sorry for interrupting.

Zuko, goes to look for Aang: Wow, I can't believe it. That turtleduck you gave her really helped.

Aang: I know right. She even gave the turtleduck a name. I'm so proud of her.

(Just another Azulaang fluff I have in mind. Also posting this because turtleducks are adorable ಥ‿ಥ And fyi, I decided to name the turtleduck Ory because Ory is duck in Korean, according to Google translate.)

#avatar the last airbender #avatar #atla #atla incorrect quotes #zuko #azula #azulaang #azulaang incorrect quotes #azulaang fluff #azaang #aang #turtle ducks #turtle duck

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 3 years

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Thoughts on the ship Rosalie/Bella?

While it’s a nice thought, sadly, I don’t think either Rosalie or Bella are what the other would ever seek in a partner.

Indeed, I think the other would be too close of a reminder to what they see in the worst of themselves. So, even in better circumstances, I don’t think they’d choose each other.

Let’s break that down.

What is Rosalie Looking For?

Rosalie’s past is one filled with brutal trauma, betrayal, and heartbreak. She has been violated by men in the worst of ways, betrayed by the man she thought would be her husband, and then has the surreal experience of being turned into something that, while alive, is not human.

She romanticizes the human life she could have had, clinging to it, never acknowledging that circumstances were such that she never would have had it.

Rosalie never was going to get that simple future of being a humble, good, simple man’s wife with beautiful children and a comfortable life. She was raised in society, uncommonly beautiful and charming, and was set to marry the wealthiest man she could. It might not have been Royce, she could have married a good man, but she would have married into this wealthy world and not ended up with someone like Emmett.

I think this is very telling.

For very understandable reasons, Rosalie has never confronted nor truly gotten over her trauma. Oh, she murdered her rapists and murderers, and put their deaths behind her, she married Emmett and has a (fairly) good relationship with him, but she hasn’t taken her full final steps to recovery.

I think this in part shows in her ending up with a guy like Emmett.

Emmett’s not bad, don’t get me wrong, but it’s very telling in what he loves of Rosalie and that Rosalie loves him for it.

He worships her beauty above all other things and is described as a very simple but pleasant and laidback guy. I think Rosalie is at the point where she wants to be worshipped, especially for the quality that was most valued in her human life, her beauty.

She wants to be with someone safe, someone who loves her, and that someone is definitely Emmett.

I think in the short run this works out very well for the pair of them and perhaps even in the long run. I think both could have chosen a better partner.

Rosalie is complicated, she’s not the shallow vain bitch Edward complains she is nor is she what Emmett seems to see her as. Emmett doesn’t really get his wife, or defend her all that much, he’s in love with her beautiful cheerleader persona. Rosalie, similarly, is in love with this man whose greatest attribute is his love of her. I’m sure there are moments she finds Emmett rather boorish and slow on the uptake.

What Do I Think Rosalie Needs?

To be honest, of all the characters where I raise my eyebrow at Meyer putting them with someone of the opposite gender, Rosalie’s one of the ones where they raise the highest.

Even Carlisle, when Rosalie drags in this man’s bleeding carcass, goes, “Oh, is this your cousin?” And has a “Him?!” moment when Rosalie explains this is her new husband.

I always would have expected, especially after her experiences, for Rosalie to be with a woman. That said, I do think her society’s prejudices and expectations would be a huge barrier for her and she’d have to do a lot of character growth before this would ever be possible. And I mean a lot of character growth, as in, Rosalie hasn’t reached this point even post Twilight saga.

Right, regardless of gender, I think Rosalie needs a partner who a) understands her b) does not value her looks c) accepts the good and the bad parts of her.

Like all of us, Rosalie is flawed. She’s a very impressive, down right intimidating, woman who has an iron clad will and gets what she wants. She has a deep love for her family and a great capacity for compassion. However, there are times when she’s the sixteen-year-old girl who has very much not escaped her society’s mindset. She fully advocates Bella Swan’s murder so the family won’t have to move, not realizing until Carlisle points it out that this is a heinous thing to do. Rosalie says vicious, racist, things to Jake likely never realizing exactly what it is she’s saying. She’s stubborn, proud, and as Edward put it a bit pig-headed.

Emmett tends to just go “Yeah, she’s a bitch, but she’s my bitch”. Which... great, thanks Emmett, that’s very helpful.

Bella Swan is Not That Person

Bella per the start of the series is a seventeen-year-old girl with cripplingly low self-esteem, huge parental issues, and a dangerous inclination towards depression.

Bella shows serious interest in women sexually (her relationship with Alice has some serious homoerotic undertones) but she’s also very intimidated by them. Rosalie, especially, makes Bella evaluate and feel worse about herself as she knows she will never be as beautiful as this teenage blonde goddess.

In other words, this Bella is not in a position to be the kind of person Rosalie needs. She’s too caught up in figuring out who she herself is, cares very much about Rosalie’s appearance and using it to compare against her own, and isn’t stable enough to be what Rosalie needs.

And by the end of canon... Well... Bella’s left the planet and will soon join Esme in being a hauntingly strange person entirely divorced from reality.

What if we’re in a slightly AU world?

Well, we’re banking on a lot of character development for Bella that I don’t believe can happen with Edward around. Either Bella shows interest in Edward or, well, he eats her. (No, seriously, this is canon, both Alice and Edward confirm as much.)

And if the family packs up and leaves during New Moon and never comes back... Well, of all the people Bella might end up with after that, I think Rosalie might just be the least likely (not to mention Rosalie would not be down for hanging around Edward’s stupid human girlfriend).

What is Bella Looking For?

Bella’s looking for validation of her very self. She wants to be loved, more than that, she wants to be worth something.

Bella has such a low opinion of herself that, at this point in her life, she needs this feeling to come from elsewhere. She finds this in both Edward and Jacob.

And it doesn’t matter how scary they are (and both are, indeed, very scary towards her), it doesn’t matter what it is they value, just that they both seem to want her even though she’s a foolish, clumsy, pale, ugly, human, nobody, loser.

That’s all Bella wants.

Edward’s a perfect storm in that he’s inhumanly perfect, beautiful beyond all comprehension, and completely obsessed with her. In Edward’s eyes, Bella is not just perfect, she’s fascinating.

And then, of course, she’s not and it utterly destroys her.

Basically, Bella’s is a very sad life.

What Does Bella Need?

Bella needs time to grow up and find out who she is and how to value that.

Bella is your very typical teenage girl. She’s precocious, has a lot of issues growing up with her mom, but she has a lot of issues many teenage girls do have.

I think, before Bella can find a truly good partner, she needs to learn how to value herself.

This will be painful and take a lot of time. In New Moon, I think Jake actually sets her back as she uses him to find value in herself for her (essentially replacing Edward).

Only after Bella discovers who she is, reaffirms why she is important and worthy of love, can she find someone.

What does that person look like?

Well, it sure as fuck isn’t Vampire Patrick Bateman, otherwise known as Edward Cullen. Nor is it Jake Black who sexually assaults her, tells her to kiss him or he’ll kill himself, then tells her that her dying is pointless as it means he and Edward fought over nothing.

It also isn’t Alice, who treats Bella a lot like she would a life-sized Barbie Doll rather than a friend and a human being.

I’m not sure who it is, to be honest.

Someone who recognizes who Bella is, certainly, the good and the bad. Someone who is able to... reconcile her with the world she truly lives in. Maybe, circumstances changing around a bit, it’s Carlisle Cullen? (Though that would certainly be a dumpster fire of divorce and despair with Edward and Esme) Maybe it’s Jasper (also a dumpster fire of divorce and despair with Edward and Alice)?

I really have no idea here. Unlike Rosalie, I can’t even tell you what this person would need to be like.

What I do know is...

Rosalie is Not That Person

Just as Bella views Rosalie as a threat, as something to measure herself against and feel unworthy of in every way, Rosalie does the same.

Bella is a pretty human woman who captures Edward’s attention in a way she never can. Rosalie, at the time we start canon, for all her accomplishments and all she’s done is still insecure enough that she needs to be the prettiest woman in the room.

Just as Bella’s not secure enough to be what Rosalie needs, Rosalie is not secure enough to be what Bella needs.

Rosalie also doesn’t see Bella for what she is. Rosalie sees, at first, a normal boring human teenager and dismisses her. She falls into the typical Cullen trap (for all but Carlisle) that they forget humans are people too. Later, Bella discounts Rosalie’s very earnest advice and Rosalie never forgives her for it. This is understandable, Rosalie lays her soul bare, but she forgets Bella’s a teenage girl and more can’t see what Bella herself is battling with.

Bella thinks being human is worthless because Bella thinks being Bella is worthless. Children and a human future mean nothing to her.

It would take a lot, A LOT, of character development for Rosalie to be someone that Bella needs in this situation and even then... Well, they’d have to deal with the horrifying shit show that is Edward. Because if Edward/Bella isn’t happening...

It’s lunch time.

TL;DR

I’d say pin your hopes on Alice/Bella, except that one’s not happening either for all that they do have their very homoerotic friendship.

#ask #anon #twilight

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phoukanamedpookie · 3 years

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Do we sell Zuko short?

“For so long, all I wanted was you to love me, to accept me. I thought it was my honor that I wanted, but really, I was just trying to please you.” —Zuko

“You know, Zuko, I don’t care what anyone else says about you. You’re pretty smart.” —Aang

There seems to be an implicit assumption in ATLA fandom that Zuko loathes Azula and blames her for everything bad in his life, starting from the moment she took her first breath. At best, she’s been more of a thorn in his side than a little sister.

But I wonder if that reading of him sells him short.

After all, the boy figures out all on his own that Ozai doesn’t give a crap about him. I don’t think it’s far-fetched for him to look at Azula’s condition by the end of the show and realize that Ozai didn’t really care about Azula either.

Listen to what he says in “The Beach.” Azula asks him, point-blank, if he’s angry at her, and he immediately denies it. He’s not mad at her. And if he were, he’d have no problem showing it. This is Zuko we’re talking about, not Aang.

She annoys him, irritates him, and aggravates him because she’s Little Miss Perfect, and she teases him, tricks him, and interrupts his alone time with his girlfriend as many kid sisters are inclined to do.

He doesn’t hate her, and he’s damn sure not afraid of her. When they’re not competing for Ozai’s approval, they get along just fine. It’s only when Zuko is a literal enemy of the state* that things get deadly between them. In fact, there’s quite a bit of evidence that he actually holds Azula in high regard. It’s as if he has this unspoken belief that she’s the smartest and most capable person he knows.

Honestly, he’d likely have many conflicting feelings about her, which is par for the course for him. He’d probably feel incredibly guilty for not seeing how much trouble she was in and for how long, for abandoning her to live alone under Ozai’s thumb when he knows what kind of man he is, for not trying harder to convince her that bending over backwards for his approval is pointless.

I’m not saying that what befalls Azula is Zuko’s fault, or that her recovery is his responsibility. I am saying that he'd often be wondering, “What if?” What if he’d paid more attention to how Azula was doing? What if he tried to get Azula to understand why he had to leave the Fire Nation and join the Avatar? What if he tried to get through to Azula and help her realize that their father would never love her?

He’d probably also be frustrated with her because, as smart and perceptive as she is, she’d likely refuse to believe that. He’d likely want to tear his hair out when faced with her absolute certainty that if she works hard enough to meet Ozai’s expectations, he would love her. It’s as obvious as the nose on her face. How can someone so smart and so perceptive not see it?

“Azula, it doesn’t matter what you do. He doesn’t love you. He never has, and he never will.”

“Whatever, Zuzu. You’re just saying that because you can’t measure up.”

Cue flames flaring along with Zuko’s temper.

All that being said, if Azula turned her life around and found her way to a healthier, less destructive path, he’d be proud as hell of her.

*My headcanon is that Azula personally blames Iroh for “turning” Zuko into a “traitor.” Why else wouldn’t he try to stop Iroh from interfering at the North Pole. Why else but her fuddy-duddy uncle’s influence would make Zuko turn his back on his country to join the Avatar?

**I refuse to consider the comics canon because that weird OOC author avatar of Zuko is a slap in the face to his character growth during the show.

#zuko #zuko meta #azula meta #azula

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arinbelle · 3 years

Text

And that is a wrap. Me adding my random thoughts after that live.

ACOSF is steamier and I kid you not, she said I’m thinking about “bodily fluids everywhere” and I literally choked on my dinner. And then she said I’m comparing bjs from Crescent City and ACOSF- anyways aHEM

Nesta goes through so much growth in the book. She starts out “beyond imploded.” I don’t remember which account, but someone made a post on how Nesta’s depression is one of the deepest ever portrayed in Acotar. I think it was @nestalytical who made it but not sure, but the post said they wouldn’t be surprised if Nesta was suicidal or has a scene showing that. With the way Sarah described where Nesta begins in ACOSF, I think this basically confirms that post. It is one of the roughest, deepest depressions. I’m also kinda sad that like, she’s gonna suffer more (according to Sarah) because I feel like she’s been through a lot anyways.

Sarah doesn’t like the thing where the romantic pair part ways at the end or like you get a sad ending. She likes her happily ever afters and she doesn’t like it when the couple is confirmed for the book and in the end they don’t end up together. Like she does not like, and I agree so I think it’s safe to say Nessian begins and ends happily in ACOSF AND Nesta gets a happily ever after

She and Azriel are not bffs in the way that Feyre and Cassian are but they are similar and she recognizes a lot of her own traits in Az- which I so appreciate. And they tease Cassian together which is just *chef’s kiss*

The BOX! This is not some stupid piece of jewelry (Sarah’s words paraphrased not me) This is something he really thought out, thought about, spent a lot of time tracking and getting. AND NESTA WOULD HAVE LOVED IT SARAH SAID AND CASSIAN KNEW THAT! Which makes me think he tells her what it is but she doesn’t get the one from the Sidra. Assumptions tho. But OMG!!! He knew she would love it- I just...ugh my Nessian heart

Eris is not in the books as much as Azriel and therefore, I say, the thing where it’s like he and Nesta may be something- throw it away. Also, she said Eris literally hates the IC and finds them so annoying, but also specifically she said he doesn’t like Feyre, Rhys, Cass OR NESTA. Which omg thank god lol bc I cannot stand it if they become some kinda fwb or even mildly date.

Lucien is there for a bit but not like a lot a lot I think. Which is fine, I think he’s in the next book.

She said Nesta is aware of what she has done and how she’s hurt people. I think that is something we need to keep in mind even as Nesta stans. She has done bad things. Not horrible, evil doesn’t deserve life things. But she has bad coping mechanisms from how she grew up, she’s lived a horrible life, she lashes out, she’s angry, she’s always hurting and ofc it’s going to be taken out on other people. And I think it’s an amazing growth, recovery and healing process for Nesta to say I did this in my past and I’m not proud of it, but that’s not who I am anymore.

That being said, Sarah did not write Nesta as sweet or enjoyable basically a palatable female character. I know a lot of us were worried she’d become pliant and nice and just lose that Nesta fire, but I think it’s basically confirmed that won’t happen.

We didn’t get much else on Cassian other than the box and how he and Azriel are really close and brotherly, which ya know, I get, spoilers. But also sad...very sad.

oh and Helion does show up, is not naked, but he does want to be ;)

#nessian #acosf #nesta archeron

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redphlox · 3 years

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i’m just.... so happy with this chapter. it’s not perfect and there’s things i wish hk hadn’t done but overall? i love it. i never believed rei would have a setback from the touya reveal bc that would be a shitty message, but i never expected the reveal to give her the strength and confidence to finally give up on her abuser and move on. i just figured she would focus on touya and... not really acknowledge enji? not exactly forgive him, but definitely not turn on him like this. hk hasn’t exactly been consistent with the todoroki women so to see this character development makes me so emotional. i never thought i would see rei confront enji like this, to have completely moved on because she saw her son in pain and it was the last straw for her. i just... i love her so much. i love how strong she is, and i really really hope hk doesn’t ruin this development.

I'm really excited about this turn of events too! Actually I never imagined that Hori would have Rei be so Fierce and call Endeavor out on his shit. Finally, someone is telling him to put his feelings aside, that it's not all about him. I love everything about these panels. It's been pointed out that we've always seen her sitting and wearing white, but in this chapter she's dressed in black and she's standing. Endeavor is the one who is sitting down. This marks a change in dynamic for the family and I'm so proud. Like she's the head of the household now, like she's regained her power from her abuser back. Her children are gathered around her and not Endeavor, which is reminiscent of Endeavor's "I had a dream that my whole family was gathered at the table but I wasn't there." It's not just a dream dude, it's reality. It always has been. He pushed them away. It's telling that when he asks Rei why she's there, she doesn't say that they wanted to check on him. She says she's there to talk about her eldest son and their family. I wrote about this in a meta a while back, but it only makes sense that Touya being alive gave her strength. Being reunited with her son Shouto did wonders for her recovery by making peace with the past, and now she has a chance to do the same with Touya. It's amazing that we haven't had a lot of screen time with Rei but she's already made so much more progress and growth than Endeavor. I hope Hori keeps this energy up!

#just ask julie #Bnha asks #Bnha #Bnha 300 #Bnha spoilers

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everythingloveandanimated · 3 years

Text

Tangled the Series Rewrite: Eugene/Varian Team Awesome

This relationship is so beautiful and amazing! The scenes we get of these two from Cassandra’s Revenge Part Two, Once a Handmaiden, and the Finale are fan favorites. However, I felt there wasn’t enough on-screen development of where their relationship started to where it was at the end of the show.

Eugene goes from being scared of Varian to suspicious and untrusting, to comfortable with him, to a big brother to him. That’s a jump with little or no displayed journey.

Hearing Varian’s side for the first time

I came up with three settings for this scene.

One, Eugene is with Rapunzel at Varian’s house when he tells Quirin what he did over the past year. Two, he hears it during a day out with Varian. Three, the King and Queen get their memories back and call a meeting with Rapunzel, Eugene, Varian and Quirin to decide what to do and how to move forward.

When Eugene hears this, he has to step back a bit to process Varian’s side of the story. He’s sad and shocked that Varian knew, but couldn’t accept, that he had essentially killed his father. That he had effectively orphaned himself for a over a year and had no one else to turn to. His father was encased, his friends neglected him, the King turned a blind eye and deaf ear to the Black Rock Crisis, the Royal Guard coming to his house to take the graphtyc and maybe keep him quiet. Basically every adult that he should have been able to trust to protect him had abandoned him.

Before he can sincerely apologize to Varian, Eugene has to get to the bottom of why he didn’t care to help him. It’s simple, his fear fo Varian and the fact that he was more concerned with Rapunzel’s recovery from the blizzard than checking on Varian.

He apologizes to Varian for letting his fear blind him to the fact that Varian needed help, and for abandoning him when he needed someone.

Talking With Quirin

Eugene asks Quirin how he’s doing with the news of his son’s actions. Quirin admits that he’s proud of his son’s courage but feels helpless. He wants to protect his son but now he feels that he really can’t. Eugene tells him that yes, Varian screwed up and has a lot to make up for, but also tells him that at the end of the day, Quirin is the is the only person that Varian can consistently go to for love, safety, comfort, and support. That will be the biggest help to Varian on his journey to redeeming himself.

Quirin finds someone who sees both sides of the problem in Eugene. Their shared experience trying to get Varian to see that a lot of his ideas are dangerous, but having no success in it until it’s too late. As an older man, Eugene sees Quirin’s side. As someone who grew up without parents, he wants to make sure that Quirin and Varian’s relationship is strong, reliable, and healthy. He keeps up to date on it without meddling.

Giving advice

Varian admits to Eugene, Rapunzel and Quirin that he’s scared no one in Corona will ever forgive him. Eugene kneels down and tells Varian about the time he returned the ring he has stolen from the Queen, and the goods he returned to the people and towns he stole from. Also his growth in season 2 is given more screen time. While they are traveling, Eugene is given the opportunities to make amends with the towns and families he stole from. Some forgive him, others don’t, some allow the seeds for shifting mindsets to change.

SCENE “I was terrified that she wouldn’t forgive me and that the King would banish me. But even if she never forgives me, I know in my heart that I did the right thing by her, and by Rapunzel. If nothing else, her approval is what matters the most to me. I know it would be best if everyone forgave you and forgot what you did. But when that’s not possible, it’s important to have a small group of people that you can rely on. You’ve got your dad, you’ve got Ruddiger, you’ve got Rapunzel… and you’ve got me. We’re in your corner, kid, and we’re not pulling out.”

“Thank you, Eugene.” Varian answers with tears in his eyes.

“Hey, you used my real name! Team Awesome?” (offers his fist for a fist bump)

Varian smiles, bumping his fist with Eugene’s. “Team Awesome. You remembered.”

“Hey, not everything from that day was traumatic.”

This gets a teary chuckle out of Varian.

“Okay, c’mon kid, you gotta stop crying, or I’m gonna start crying and I.. I have a… really bad crying face.” Varian hugs Eugene burying his face his his shoulder. Eugene returns the hug, trying to keep the tears from falling.

Supporting Varian

Throughout the rest of the rewritten season we see Eugene being there for Varian to turn to for strength and advice while he tries to re-insert himself into Coronan society. Eugene gives things to Varian straight, but always affirms his belief, support and growing trust in Varian.

We see a comforting hug or two. Eugene tells him that he’s proud of Varian’s courage and determination to set things right. Varian asks if it was hard for Eugene to redeem himself in the castle. He says yes, but what kept him going was his own confidence, Rapunzel’s support, and the fact that he knew he had changed and was working to prove himself trustworthy.

Headcanon Bonus! Eugene and Lance took Varian out to get a new outfit. Eugene gives fashion advice, and gloats about his own good looks, to which Varian sasses back. It catches Eugene off guard a bit; Lance finds it entertaining. Banter continues throughout the day/episode.

In town we see people’s wariness and anger towards Varian. Things get tense as threats and rude comments are thrown in his direction. Eugene and Lance defend him before they adjust their shopping plan. So they head to the castle where Eugene decides to get a fashion book and they do the equivalent of “catalog shopping”. Varian considers fabric types as well as designs. They finally settle on what to get. Varian changes into his new outfit, looks in the mirror and has to take a moment. For the first time, he looks and feels grown up. Not a child, not an irresponsible teenager, but a responsible maturing young man. He stands taller and prouder. As he settles his goggles on his head, a smile appears on his face. He’s fully dressed now. Eugene and Lance give their approval and affirm how good and grown up he looks.

#varian #varian tts #eugene fitzherbert #team awesome #tangled rewrite

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d-nghy-ck · 3 years

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say 5 nice things about your moots!!!!!! A twist on the trend going around right now 🥺

This is so sweet!!! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to gush over those I love, anon!! I seriously covet these people so much. You guys really brighten up my days, and I really hope I can provide joy for you, too <3

Confessions under the cut!

Mads | @neonun-au - Mads, you’re so exuberant, funny, uninhibited, bouncy, interesting, and creative... Endlessly inviting to be around and so open to discussing any topic (though assertive and unafraid to provide your real viewpoint!) Refreshing, honest, and very fluid-minded, in the sense that you meander around your thoughts and shift to and fro in a very conversational manner and I love it!! Listening to your thoughts is like taking a trek down a bustling town square with no destination in mind, because it’s all about finding gems and precious moments along the journey. Talking to you is such a joy. I’m so thankful that I can go to you about anything <3 And I like being there for you, too! I’ll always be here to listen and laugh or contemplate and get those gears going. You’ve added a little bit of joviality that was missing from my life, filled in a space that needed a bit more silliness, and for that I am SO thankful! You live life like it’s worth living and have such a free, explorative spirit that I find inspiring and uplifting. Keep being you!!! You’re so great!!

Cee | @nctsworld - Cee!!! I’m really, really thankful to have your company! Somehow you’re simultaneously both carefree and on top of your game, ready for action and prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve your goals, whether it’s writing a series or setting up a game night. Highly functional human being for sure. I feel so comfortable approaching you about any topic, and it might be thanks to us having so much in common or perhaps just because you’re so approachable and sweet, and also a bit silly (love love love!!). You’re always down for a good time and you never fail to bring the good vibes!! Not to mention, you’re so confident and think your aspirations into actuality and that is so powerful!

Sasha | @neocitycafe - Ah Sasha, there’s something about you where your soul is so beautifully delicate and whole that when you bring up topics that subvert those expectations, I can’t help but be entranced ahahaha! Know what I mean? It’s like the effect of thoughtful, sweet sweet Mark cursing hahaha. Speaking of thoughtful, you’re such a deep thinker and have really meditative, emotionally aware, human qualities to you. I really dig it!! We can go from having a deep talk about the kpop industry to gushing over sleepy groggy boyfriend Sunday morning looks. And also, I adore your unabashed admiration of cute things and how you really embrace it aaaaah, speaking of which, I think I might go ask how the employees are doing at your cafe eeeee!

Nikki | @jaemxxi - Ahhh Nikki, you are so great!! You always put your best efforts forward and look out for your friends, and doing so takes a lot of strength. I’m really proud of you <3 You’re realistic, kind, honest, and grounded. You always find good in people, but also know when to take care of yourself, too. It’s a really mature mindset. You value very sound morals and focus on meaningful qualities both in those around you and the characters you create. You know your worth and always seek to incorporate things that build you into a better person, even if it involves changing habits and pursuing alternate endeavors.... A strong asset of yours is your ability for growth and adaptability while also staying true to heart. I love you Nikkiiii, in all of your candid thoughts, in all of your quiet moments, in all of your wonders and epiphanies!

Jackie | @hchan-main - My person <3. My soulmate <3. Loving you is so easy. We can conquer anything we put our minds to, whether it’s creating a network, learning new skills, providing the best emotional support possible, or just having a very light, hilarious conversation djfhagsk I love you so much!!! Even when I’m tired, when I feel hopeless, when I’m downtrodden and crying, you are the safe home I can crawl to for a moment of recovery. Just knowing you’re there is enough. Just you existing as you are is all I need. With all of your encouragement and support, you’ve helped me grow into a better, stronger person, and that part of you will be with me forever. You’ve shown me how deep love can feel, and all of the care you’ve put into treating me kindly is indicative of the absolute angel that you are. But at the same time, you’re worth more than what you can do for others. Seriously, you’re so selfless and nurturing. Be sure to take care of yourself, too!! Take care of my Jackie for me, I love her a lot and she only deserves warmth and happiness, nothing less. Yes I did just cry a little.

#sorry this took a while to answer <3 #i have another one of these so i will make myself stick to five people in this one <3 #asks

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greenhappyseed · 3 years

Text

We need to talk about All Might.

After Chapter 309, everyone seems to be screaming DEATH FLAG (more than normal), and I wouldn’t ordinarily agree given the fakeouts we’ve seen before. However, AM isn’t given much to do yet (except look cute in his sunnies) and doesn’t seem to be in a good position to grow as a person. It makes me sad bc there is a lot of potential with AM, and it all seems pushed aside in favor of Endeavor’s narrative, which I don’t love. As a ::cough cough:: older BnHA fan in a workaholic profession, I want to see the larger hero society narrative use AM to ask if you can be a hero (and therefore of any value to society) when you’re old and/or have less strength/power/endurance than you used to have. What happens when you WERE an equal, and then you lose a step along the way (note there may be a parallel to Bakugo’s/Aizawa’s post-war condition on this theme)? Or, given the focus on teenagers and the role of the “new generation” in rebuilding society, let’s ask whether AM made the right choice in sticking with his teenage ideals through adulthood. Was he right to give up EVERYTHING for his dream, only to crash land into a nightmare? I mean, the dude destroyed himself for years and then watched his life’s work crumble in a matter of weeks. Can he pick himself up, powerless, and still find a new way to help? In BHNA, all of the top heroes have major flaws (a meta for another time!) and a chance at redemption, so I really want to see AM do the same thing.

AM starts the story as the singular, self-proclaimed Symbol of Peace, which was a mission he gave himself as a naive, idealistic middle school student(!!!) Through Nana Shimura, AM received the power to make his teenage ambition a reality and then ... kept at it for 40 years. Alone. Without critical reflection. In Vigilantes, we learn the cost of this relentless pursuit is that AM has no real friends and no social life. Even among other top heroes, he’s not an approachable peer, but the hired gun brought in to clean up the biggest, baddest disasters before he’s immediately called out to the next one. To the extent he socializes after a big win, it’s to talk to the media and sign autographs, not debrief or bond with fellow heroes. The guy has charisma and can do stage banter all day, but he has no idea how to have an actual functioning relationship with colleagues. At the beginning of BNHA, it’s been 20ish years since AM spoke to Torino, 10 years since he spoke to Endeavor, and 5 years since Nighteye. He does keep in touch with Tsukauchi, but he’s more like a “work husband” than a best friend.

When Deku meets him, AM is holding it together on the surface, but is really in mental distress. AM is the first hero in the story whose facade is ripped away (initially to us readers, then eventually to everyone in universe). Unable to do the hero work that defines him for more than 3 hours a day, he seems to spend the rest of his pre-UA time wandering around aimlessly. He’s lost his sense of purpose, has nobody to confide in (he may not “lie” but he definitely doesn’t tell anyone complete truths), and he is indifferent to his own survival. He is certain Nighteye’s prediction is coming true, and he’s looking for a successor because he HAS to before time runs out, not because he wants to. If he can pass on OFA then he can die, ideally in a blaze of glory. And, if not for Deku, he would have let the slime villain kill Bakugo and told himself he can’t save everyone. In Deku he sees his younger self’s ideals and decided his new purpose is to build the next Symbol of Peace, not just do a handoff. With a true successor secured, he can really go for one last big heroic act.

Except it doesn’t work out as planned. Deku — lonely and idealistic himself — desperately needs AM around for approval. And AM, with extra time on his hands, seems to enjoy being needed by his boy, like a parent with a toddler. As hard as they both aim to create the next AM, Deku is his own person (as all children are), which makes the process trickier than either one anticipated. At first AM tries imitating Torino and trains Deku through physical activity and battle, the same way Torino punched a grieving, teenage AM around. AM encourages Deku to sacrifice himself, just because AM also did it for 40 years. But these tactics just don’t work for Deku. AM gets (rightly) scolded by Recovery Girl. Then AM sends Deku to Torino, who teaches Deku Full Cowling and scolds AM for not telling Deku the truth about AFO — and for this one time, Torino is right. Slowly, fuller truths start coming out from AM, and in return Deku learns to protect himself and ask his mentor questions rather than merely imitate. Both begin to grow and change for the better.

After Kamino, Inko uses her leverage to convince AM to stop the blaze of glory nonsense. He wants to be her successor as parent to Deku, and she’s not going to allow it if AM is going to drive her son towards needless self-sacrifice. This seems to take root, and we later see AM openly defy Nighteye’s prediction because he wants to be with Deku. He starts jogging! We even see him confide in Aizawa he has decided to live. Even if he’s not always sure how to give his new life purpose, and he bristles at needing to be protected, he’s accepting his post-pro existence. Progress!

Finally, AM comes into his own as a teacher and member of the old guard with experience to share. He may be using “Teaching for Dummies” as a shortcut, but he’s recognizing his own failings and trying to improve. He tells Deku to quit imitating him, full stop, finally giving Deku permission to become his own hero with his own style. AM takes initiative to teach Deku Air Force, and really guides Deku through the use of the power until Deku becomes proficient. AM also gets actively involved in coaching other students (not as much as he should, but it’s something). AM will similarly counsel Endeavor later, saying Endeavor has to walk his own path and answer for himself why he has his power. AM is building new relationships, new skills, and forming an identity outside of punching things!

Of course, we still see signs AM is a work in progress. Staying up too late at night to do research on prior OFA users for Deku. Diving to protect a woman from a falling streetlight (saved only by a fast-acting Bakugo). At the same time, we see that Deku is coming into his own with his 1A friends. And Deku is no longer looking back to AM for approval (both literally when jumping away and figuratively as part of Deku’s decision-making processes). AM seems both proud and sad, as is natural when a parental figure watches their child become independent.

Fast forward to 309, and a powerless AM leaves all the growth behind to help Deku, Endeavor, Jeanist, and Hawks find the LOV. On the good side, AM isn’t keeping secrets anymore (arguably, telling Jeanist and Hawks about OFA should have involved a consultation with Deku, but okay). Moreover, AM isn’t useless in this fight; he can provide financing, emotional support, police connections, UA connections, and Oracle/guy-in-a-chair backup to the active heroes. But what will this change tell us about AM? Can he ever really get comfortable with this role or is he there just out of duty? Can he actually deliver some hard truths to Deku about AM’s own experience if/when Deku stretches himself too thin? Is this new role respected by the other heroes? If not, will he be tempted to return to battle to be “valuable”? To give his life for Deku so he can claim one last “win” by saving? Or give his life for Deku because he actually loves him and has something personal to fight for? All of these questions bear on where an older, powerless person — that is, an outcast — fits into society and how a lifelong loner can find their role within a group. (Boy, this sounds like a familiar BnHA theme!)

I feel like, if AM dies just to become a vestige, all of these deeper questions are unexplored and we’re just copying Star Wars plot points without any added meaning. I’m not satisfied AT ALL with AM living rent free in Deku’s head and robbing others of his wisdom/experience (which he was just starting to share!!!). Likewise, if AM dies as a plot device so Deku can stand as a hero on his own, or tap into his inner rage or whatever, well, that’s also copied from Star Wars — and it seems to counter what we’re starting to see with Deku calling his own shots and AM supporting. Unlike Torino and AM, who don’t talk for years, I want to see Deku be his own hero AND have his mentor in his life. I want BnHA to keep resisting the absent adult trope, because it’s entirely possible (and realistic!) for grownups to be their own people while having mentors and parental figures in their life. It’s an adjustment for a parental figure to watch their teen become an adult, but it doesn’t mean the parental figure just ghosts and ceases to matter as an influence.

Similarly, if AM turns to sacrifice, it will turn AM’s life story into a cautionary tale with no growth. How can a story about saving people who have done bad things have a good guy succumb to his worst instinct, with nobody to save him? How can AM’s life lesson be “make friends now and learn to give and take in a relationship, otherwise you’ll get too old and it’ll be too late and when you aren’t powerful you’ll have to take a hit to have value”? Even if his sacrifice ultimately allows Deku to win against AFO it feels hollow against the larger narrative. Unlike pre-war Bakugo, we already know AM will self-destruct for others. AM wanting to take on the world alone and die “heroically” is the PROBLEM that drives his pre-Kamino failures, not the solution. And if AM can’t escape this and become comfortable in society post-retirement, who can???

I’m worried we are going to see AM’s growth cut short while Endeavor, Hawks, and the LOV get a shot at redemption, which feels problematic. Of course life isn’t fair, and not everyone gets to have a second act, but it feels wrong for the BNHA narrative to punish someone who is trying (and who wants to help Deku save the villains). Maybe you can argue it’s AM’s fault that the hero society became corrupt, so it’s a cosmic balance for him to die watching it fall. Or maybe the other heroes will realize AM needs their help too (not just Deku) and keep him safe. (Maybe Endeavor will save him in a parallel to Bakugo and Deku.) Much is TBD, but chapters 306-309 make me worry.

#all might #yagi toshinori #mha 309 #mha spoilers #mha #my hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha all might #toshinori yagi #bnha meta #bnha all might

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mangobilorian · 4 years

Text

before i die, i’m tryna fuck you, baby | (explicit)

Kix x F! Reader

Words: 4158

"A leg hooks around his waist, tugging him closer, and Kix has to stop himself from careening into your half-naked body. Lips attach to his, and there’s nothing soft there, only teeth and tongue and heat."

Tags: [Dubious Consent][Sex Pollen][Fuck or Die][Oral Sex][Rough Sex][Doggy][Missionary]

Read on AO3 here

Kix is furious. For many reasons, the first being the lack of planning on General Skywalker’s part and, being a soldier in the 501st for so long, Kix is not surprised. But it doesn’t mean he has to accept or condone it.

Kix also hates how the entire situation went wrong when it shouldn’t have, despite General Skywalker’s disastrous plan. Because his idea, though reckless and unsafe, would have at least kept most of the men out of danger. They had prepared for the Seppie advance on the eastern front, keeping most of the fire and manpower there, which left the west and north sparsely guarded.

But no, the Seppies just had to come from the west, trapping a portion of the troops in the scary, unknown forest full of chemicals.

Rex and the ARCs got most of the men out in time thankfully. Kix counted them as they passed by, the sealed helmets keeping out most, if not all, of the strange chemicals the flowers produced. Peter, Lens, Nero. Lloyd, Gadget, Boot. Regs, Gearshift, Mezro. Wait no, not Mezro, that was Fives. But that meant-

You had arrived at the same conclusion Kix had.

Which leads to the biggest reason why Kix is furious. The rescued troopers, though not exposed, still suffered injuries from the droids they had encountered. Fives, Echo, and Rex would have gone back into the forest for Mezro, but the crashing sound of another droid battalion called their attention elsewhere.

When he had looked back for you, you were already running into the forest without the proper gear. Which, as a nurse, was a stupid thing to do. And, as Kix’s girlfriend (isn’t that a nice thing to say), you should’ve known better. But you’re too brash, too headstrong, too willing to sacrifice yourself if it meant others would live. Sometimes Kix wonders if you would be better as a soldier than a nurse but- only clones served and died for the Republic.

He paces around the base, his path blocked by Jesse and Echo.

“It’ll be okay, Kix. She’s fine,” Echo reasons. “The General and Rex are out there looking for her and Mezro.” Kix knows that. He knows he shouldn’t worry. Because Skywalker is one of the best Jedi and Rex is one of the best clones, and they’ll make it back with you and Mezro in tow.

But that still doesn’t stop him from being angry. Yes, part of it is at you, even though it feels wrong. You don’t deserve his negative emotions, but you’re too damn reckless and caring to ever think about yourself.

Kix will always care for you, but sometimes it’s hard when he also has a hundred brothers to care for. Instead of running after you, he patched up Reg’s knee and Lloyd’s arm. He gave Gearshift some meds, Gadget a stim, and used the bone mender on Nero’s shin. Kix helped them before he could feed all his energy into waiting for you.

He helped them despite wanting to dash after you immediately. Because his brothers need him just as much as Mezro needs you to come back and save him. It also kills Kix a little on the inside that, if he had to choose, he’d probably pick you over his brothers.

A traitor, he’d call himself. A man in love, Fives would say, winking, wishing for his own cyare. If only Fives knew how much work it takes to be in a healthy, loving relationship. How much work it takes to love someone during a war.

“She didn’t have proper gear, Echo. What if the chemicals kill her? What then?” And oh how that thought pains him so much. Kix doesn’t know how he could survive your death. He can’t just light a pyre and sing a song like he does for his vod. The love he has for his brothers is strong like their plastoid armor, strong enough that the death of a brother won’t shatter him, and he can wish them well as they walk to the next life.

But you? Fuck, Kix would grieve for you for eternity.

“Look, Rex brought an extra helmet for her and some meds. If she’s sick, the meds will tide her over until she gets the medical help she needs,” Jesse says, placing hands on Kix’s shoulders. His own face stares back at him, but instead of the worry and concern Kix feels, he sees determination. “And when she and Mezro come back, you need to be strong for her.”

“I know. It’s just that- I should’ve been the one to find Mezro.” Echo shakes his head.

“She’s a great nurse, but she doesn’t have nearly as much experience as you do with combat medicine. Yeah, she’s been with us for a year, but you know clone bio better than any civvie.” Kix sighs, but the anger lingers. It’s ebbing away, yes, because his brothers always know how to calm him down but- he knows he’d be a lot calmer if you were here. Here and happy and home with him.

“Fives!” Kix, Jesse, and Echo turn at the sound of Rex’s voice, strained and hampered. The ARC trooper hurries to the edge of the forest where General Skywalker walks, arms full with a limp Mezro. In Rex’s arms, you sag, head lolling around in the much-too-large helmet.

Kix’s first instinct is to run over and take you away, hiding you from prying eyes and keeping you safe. But Jesse’s arm tugs on the crook of his elbow. “See, she’s back. Get your head straight, Kix, so you can help her.” Kix nods, a little dazed, and walks forward at a slower pace than he’d like.

“Mezro has a broken ankle and shattered hip bone, I think,” General Skywalker says gently handing the injured trooper off to Fives and Echo. “But your girl’s fine, Kix.” For a moment, Kix feels guilty. He spent so much time worrying over you when Mezro had worse injuries. Injuries that could put him off of duty for a while, and he knows, compared to many brothers, that Mezro has a larger thirst for droid deaths than most. Which was probably one of the reasons he had stayed behind, determined to kill every last B1 on field.

“Right, I’ll take a look at him. Will you…?”

“Yeah, I’ll take her to your quarters,” Rex replies. “I did a quick scan, and her vitals seem fine, but-”

“But what?”

“She keeps asking for you. And squirming. The general put a sleep suggestion on her. It was… weird and a little disturbing. She wouldn’t even let me approach until I said your name,” Rex shrugs as best as he can while carrying your weight.

Squirming, signs of distress… Kix doesn’t like what he’s hearing. But at least you seem fine.

“All right. I’d best work on Mezro. Jesse, remind me in ten minutes to give Peter and Nero another shot of the antibacterial.” Kix helps Echo and Fives lower Mezro onto a bed wheeled out from the medbay. “Thank you,” he says, turning to Rex, then to his general. “For saving her.”

“Of course, Kix,” General Skywalker responds. “I’d do the same if I were you.” His general’s face flushes a deep red. “Not that I- uh- even know what relationships are like. Or anything.” At his troopers' knowing looks, the Hero With No Fear dashes away with an awkward smile. Right. He’s probably off to comm Senator Amidala.

Kix spares one last glance at your unconscious form, carried away by Rex before turning his attention to Mezro. Jesse claps a hand on his back, covered hand meeting hard plastoid, and waltzes away, the ARCs in tow. He wheels Mezro to the makeshift med bay, minding the other injured troopers.

Mezro wakes up about halfway through Kix fixing his ankle with the bone-mender. Groggy and in pain, Mezro mutters nonsensical things. Like how you were an angel who came to save him. And how the angel cried for Kix before falling to the ground. Kix administers a pain reliever right before Mezro goes back to sleep, and Kix is left with more questions than before.

He gets to work on Mezro’s hip and feels placated by the fact that Mezro probably only needs two weeks of recovery before being put on light duty then another week of waiting to get shipped to active. Most nat-born medics, even you, are surprised at the clones’ growth rate. But Kix isn’t. He’s proud. Because his brothers are the best kriffing soldiers in the galaxy, so of course they’ll heal faster too.

All in all, Kix finishes up with Mezro’s injuries in less than an hour, despite leaving to administer anti-bac to Peter and Nero and checking up on Lloyd’s arm. He gives the trooper a small pat on the shoulder, leaving him sleeping and patched up.

Kix’s stomach ties itself into knots the closer he approaches his quarters. He had Jesse do another scan while Kix worked on Mezro, too nervous to see you. Jesse had come back saying you were physically fine, but mentally… off. Apparently you kept calling for Kix over and over again. To the point where you were moaning in pain. He doesn’t know of any disease that would warrant that response.

He pushes the door open to find you sprawled across his bed. Your eyes open a little bit, glazed and confused. But you immediately spring up in recognition, and try to get out of bed. Kix stops you in time as you almost fall off in excitement, placing you down to sit on the edge.

“Kix,” you breathe. “I’m so happy to see you.”

“I’m happy to see you too. How do you feel?” You shake your head, hands reaching out to unclasp his chest plate. He lets you, arching a brow when you moan as soon as you drop his armor on the floor, fingers tracing his chest. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. Please, Kix, I- need you- want- inside-”

Your hand reaches behind his back to the zipper of his blacks and tug down. Before his bare chest is revealed though, Kix grabs at your wrists, gently pushing you away. He doesn’t understand what’s happening, why you’re so excited for him to the point of speaking incoherently. “What’s happening?” He brushes his knuckles over your forehead then your neck to find you burning.

Kriff, you definitely have a fever. Kix doesn’t know how Jesse and Rex forgot to mention that to him. He places a palm on your neck again, worrying more and more as you feel like pure fire. “Sweetheart, you need to listen to me.”

You shake your head, eyes glazed over, tongue lolling out of your mouth. You look like every fantasy Kix has at night, every inch the sexy goddess you are but- Kix doesn’t entertain those thoughts. Especially since you’re sick.

When your knee brushes against his inner thigh, Kix curses loudly. That seems to startle you out of your haze, and you back off a bit, mouth closing. Sighing, Kix leans in to take your shirt off and finds the fabric soaked with sweat. Fuck, how did no one notice? Is everyone in the goddamn GAR incompetent?

Once your chest meets open air, though, you try to unclasp your bra, pushing your chest into Kix. “Please,” you moan— no, mewl— eyes half-lidded. “Need you now, Kix. Want you- fuck- really really really-”

“Shhhh, it’s okay,” he says, gently wiping your wet back with your discarded shirt. He still doesn’t understand what’s happening, but he’s determined to help you, to stop whatever is going on. Whatever it takes. “Lean back for me, okay? I’m just going to take your pants off and put you in some clean clothes. Clear?” You nod, but Kix can tell you don’t really understand what he’s saying. It hurts his chest to see you so out of it.

He unclasps the button holding your pants closed and slides them down your legs. At any other time, he’d ogle you, watch intently as each inch of skin reveals itself to him. But right now, when you’re not in your right mind, Kix can only focus on getting you the help you need. His fantasies can wait.

Except it’s hard to shove horny thoughts out of his head when the first thing you do once your pants are gone is shove a hand into your panties and begin rubbing yourself.

Fuck.

“I don’t think that’s a very good-”

A leg hooks around his waist, tugging him closer, and Kix has to stop himself from careening into your half-naked body. Lips attach to his, and there’s nothing soft there, only teeth and tongue and heat. His head empties then fills with one word.

You.

You. Sucking his cock. Taking him from behind. Riding him in full armor. Fingering yourself. You, you, you-

“H-hurts,” you whisper, and Kix jolts back like he’s been burnt. In fact, he feels like he’s been burnt because every place you touch him— his lips, his face, his fucking thigh— tingles with a sensation akin to fire.

Kix stares at you in horror. You’re hurt, and all he can do is thirst over you? Kriffing hells, he’s a monster, not the gallant medic trooper you think he is.

“Where does it hurt? Give me a number on the scale for pain, sweetheart. Can you do that for-”

“Ten!” you gasp, “everywhere, b-but it’s thirteen down here,” you point to your underwear. Kix watches as clear fluid drips and coats your thighs. “Please, please, please, need you i-in me, please Kix, m-more, I can’t, I-”

Fuck, you look like you’re on the verge of tears, face flushed and contorted in pain. But he can only watch as you rub yourself furiously, not stopping even when Kix knows the pressure you’re applying is painful. Kriff— you said you “need” him and want him to- to

“If I penetrate you, will you feel better?” Kix cringes at the wording, but he needs to make things clear, so he doesn’t hurt you or take advantage of your distressed state. You nod frantically in reply, pulling him closer until his armored thigh brushes against your center, and you grind against him.

For the first time, Kix registers how tight his blacks are. Fuck. He makes quick work of his codpiece, opening the zipper of his lower blacks, groaning in relief as his impossibly hard cock springs up to smack his stomach. You give a happy gasp, free hand reaching to him, and he can’t stop you— can’t do anything— as you begin rubbing him with the same pressure you use on yourself.

And fuck- it feels good, your soft hand against his most sensitive part, but you’re going a little too hard, a little too fast, and Kix— though hard as plastoid— isn’t producing nearly enough precum to lubricate himself. So when you pull at the skin of his cock just a tad harder, he has no choice but to back off with a wince, his dick bouncing back to his stomach.

You pout at him, and he can see a stray tear slide down your cheek and- fuck, he leans over to kiss you, replacing the hand in your underwear with his own. If this is going to happen, Kix will make sure he does it right.

As he dips two fingers inside you, he can already tell you’re more than prepared for him. He sneaks a look to the edge of the bed and sees your underwear and the spot you’re sitting on soaked with your fluids. And kriff, it’s hot as fuck.

Groaning, he guides you to lay on the bed, and you open your legs wide, knees butterflying on either side of you. Kix can only gulp as you tug your bra down, not even unclasping it, so that your tits can spring free. With both hands on each breast, you squeeze and pinch, moaning all the while.

“Kiiiiiix. N-now, ne-need you right- fuck- deep in me,” you gasp. Kix can only surge forward, not bothering to slip your underwear off and sliding himself between your folds. As the underside of his head brushes past your clit, you moan loudly, loud enough that anyone passing by could hear you, but Kix doesn’t bother telling you to stay quiet.

“I’m going to push in now, okay, sweetheart? Is that good?” You bite your lip as you shoot him a glare.

“Fuck me, now, Kix, or else-” His head squeezes past your folds and into your cunt, all wet and tight, and Kix feels every nerve erupt into flames.

“Fuuuuuck,” he groans, pushing in until he bottoms out. He stays there for a bit, both of you panting. You look fucked out despite barely any foreplay or real sex, hair fanning across the bed, lips swollen. Kix wonders how he looks, if he looks as sexy to you as you to him.

You hook your legs around his waist and move your hips up in time for him to thrust. With your legs trapping him, he can’t thrust as hard or deep as he wants to. So he grinds into you, pressing himself as deep as he can into your warm core. You moan into his mouth when he kisses you, gasping when he bites at your neck. Kix can feel your new wave of arousal as he sucks a hickey above your collarbone, almost bursting when you squeeze tightly around him.

He wants to fuck you hard and fast, though, so he pushes your legs away from his waist, braces one hand on the bed as the other grips your hips, and starts pistoning into you. The movement is rough enough for your breasts to bounce, and Kix watches as your fingers dance to your clit, rubbing yourself with as much speed and urgency as before.

You arch your back as Kix thrusts upwards, muttering incoherent phrases about how his cock makes you feel so good, how he’s strong and handsome and how you want him to have your babies. And fuck- the thought of you full with his child, breasts even larger almost makes him spill mid thrust.

“You want that, sweetheart? Want me to- kriff- fuck a baby into you?” You nod, tears spilling from your eyes, lips bleeding. Your cunt seems to agree because you squeeze tight, tight, tighter than he thought possible, and he squeezes your hip to tell you to ease up a little because he’s still a human after all; he has to be a kriffing god to resist you.

But you don’t loosen up, still squeezing until Kix’s left with no choice but to pull away. You scream when he does, and Kix’s chest hurts enough at the sound that he wants to pound back inside you to keep you happy. But he has enough sense to flip you over, so your ass sticks up in the air, and he gives you a gentle slap, which you respond to with a soft moan.

The scene of you on your elbows and knees, cunt dripping with clear fluid, body flushed and trembling is so erotic that Kix feels like he has to pay to see you like this. “Kix, now ple-ase, ugh-”

He enters you in one go, and you both groan. Kix reaches so much deeper in this position, and he immediately starts pounding at your ass, one hand tight on your hip as the other reaches around to paw at your chest. It takes two, maybe three thrusts for you to scream into the sheets, cunt tightening more than he thought possible.

The sensation is way too much for both his cock and his brain, and he finishes much earlier than he wanted. Fuck- he might as well use it to his advantage though, so he pulls your hips closer to his and leans over, his cum staying deep inside you.

It feels nice to be connected like this, chest heaving against your back, mouth nipping at your shoulder. It’s nice and Kix can stay here forever, comfortable and sated.

Until you start moving against him again, commanding him to keep fucking you. But he’s so tired, and his cock starts to get way too sensitive, so he pulls away and a trickle of white follows. Kix watches your cunt flutter, entranced as more of his release escapes you. He takes two fingers to push them back in, and you gasp when he re-enters you.

“M-more, please. Kix?” You roll onto your back, legs opening wide to trap Kix between them. “More?” you plead, eyeing his softening cock. Fuck, he really wishes he were hard again, so he can fuck you until you feel better, but he’s only one man, and clones— though engineered humans— can’t get erections that soon.

So he does the only thing that comes to mind.

He kneels down so his mouth is level with your cunt, wraps his hands around your thighs to tug you closer, and dives in.

Kix tastes his release, bitter and salty, but he mostly tastes you. He brushes his nose against your clit, and you wriggle away only for Kix to pull you back. His tongue enters you briefly, but he knows it’s not long enough to bring you any real pleasure, so he replaces his tongue with two, no, three fingers, and curves them upwards to reach that ultra sensitive spot they don’t teach in clone medic classes.

Satisfied at your mumblings of pleasure, he circles his tongue around your clit, alternating between different patterns to no patterns at all.

“Yes, yes, yes! Fuck- Kix, I- fucking love you- kriff- your tongue, I-”

He increases the pace of his fingers as he sucks on your clit, groaning as one of your hands grabs onto his hair and tugs. Kix sneaks a glance upwards and sees one of your hands massaging your right nipple, and fuck- Kix would love to be the one to do that.

But right now his job is to eat you out like a starved man, and he’ll do the best fucking job he can. He feels like he’s drowning in your cunt, streams of your arousal staining his cheeks, his swollen lips, his chin. There’s only one thing that exists for him right now and that’s your aching body.

It doesn’t take long— in fact, it happens sooner than Kix would like— for you to climax with his name on your lips. He continues finger fucking you, though, until you squirm away with a giggle. He notes, with pride, that your temp seems to be back to normal, no longer feverish. The biology of that, Kix will ponder on later, but at least he knows you feel a little better.

“Good?”

“Yeah,” you smile, eyes drooping closed, “really good. Thank you,” you rasp. Kix moves your body to lie properly on the bed, with your head on his pillow and a blanket covering your body. He helps unclasp your bra then takes off your soaking wet underwear. It’s only when he tries to snuggle next to you that you stop him.

“What’s wrong? Do you still hurt?” You laugh, lips curling into a shape Kix wants to kiss forever.

“Aren’t you going to take care of that?” you ask, pointing at him with your chin. Following your gaze, he trails his eyes down his chest to his stomach where-

Where his stiff cock stands proudly. Not the hardest he’s ever been, but hard enough to warrant action. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” you laugh breathily. “Round two?”

“Are you serious? We just- you just-”

“Kix,” you pout, “most of the chemical is out of my system. Not all of it though.” The chemical. Who knew the flowers produced a highly potent aphrodisiac? Before he could recall more facts about the planet’s flora, you tug the blanket downwards to reveal your bare chest. “And I need you right now,” you plead, eyes shining with desire.

“Are you sure? I just want to make sure you’re safe, sweetheart. You know that.” You roll your eyes, tongue darting out to lick at your lips.

“If you don’t fuck me right now, I’ll have to get help somewhere else.” Streaks of red flash through Kix’s eyes at the insinuation and he lunges at you, pulling you into his lap. You giggle all the while, nipping at his shoulders when he has most of you splayed across his thighs.

“Now that isn’t good medic-patient protocol, is it?”

“Nope,” you giggle. Kix imagines you riding him like this, grinding hard and fast as he thrusts upwards to meet your hips. He guides his cock to your center, both of you groaning as he slips inside easily.

“I guess it’s time for your next dosage, sweetheart,” he grins, and you lean into his lips as he takes you exactly how he fantasized.

[a/n] I hope you like this! Kix is the first of the many beloved SW boys I will be writing about. So far, I have unedited stories for Boba, Maul, and Wolffe. Let me know which one you want to see next! The Boba one is particularly long (over 7k words), so if you want that, I need a little more time.

Be sure to check me out on AO3 too! I usually upload stuff there hours before I do on Tumblr.

#kix x reader #clone medic kix #clone medic kix x reader #clone trooper smut #star wars fanfiction

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