#I’m already in love with my future
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A little self reflection and gratitude piece because this fandom needs some uplifting:
I will never not love my purpose on this planet. I believe all people are put on earth for a reason and I believe mine is working with kids with disabilities and celebrating their small victories.
Some say that after college, life is just working with a dead end and no meaning. Although I’m still in college (halfway there woohoo), I would disagree when it comes to me. I adore and look forward to each and every day I get to spend time in the classroom working with the kids. I simply cannot imagine a life where I dread my days working. It’s my absolute favorite thing!
Finding peace and a purpose in the world will make you look forward to the days ahead.
I ask all of you to ask yourself this: what’s my purpose? What makes me wake up everyday with a smile on my face?
#that 70s show#this fandom needs uplifting#self reflection#gratitude post#everyone has a purpose#I’m already in love with my future
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my luck is so bad it is legitimately just cruel. every day literally feels like i am being punished for every little decision i make. it’s almost hard to believe and yet somehow i’m too dumb to anticipate this…?
#i have previously been burned by usps coming an hour early and not picking up my packages#i woke up at 4:45 am this morning and got out the bed fr by 9. i knew i should have had my packages out as early as possible.#i want to get paid for the items im selling as soon as possible. i want to get a refund for my returns.#and i want these people to get their stuff#yesterday usps returned a package i had sent out to me so its already delayed#i was in the middle of packaging everything up when i noticed a package was delivered#i meant to check my email to see if they sent me that bullshit fucking email claiming to have picked up my packages when they didnt#but got distracted#so naturally. my dad leaves (the only person i could ask to drop packages off at the post office) and only then do i see that dumbass email#delivered an hour ago#i am so serious……..i cannot do this anymore#it is like this every single day#like okay. if the rest of my life is terrible. if i’m losing my mind from social isolation. if my parents quite honestly hate me.#if i have no future and no hope.#if the only interaction i can rely on is friendly coworkers and patrons at the library.#if i have to spend my days off with basically only myself and my dog to talk to.#can the little fucking things go my way? like…half of them? is that possible?#i’m not even asking to have a happy life i’m not asking to be loved i’m not asking to belong i’m not asking for a point to living#man i just want the tiniest of breaks. just. two days out the week? yeah? can i get my fucking packages sent out on time? l#can i get to work on time? with no stress? can i not look forward to eating a salad all day only for my dad to have eaten it?#can i have a normal menstrual cycle? can i stop having back pain? can i be a little comfortable? can i time my birth control correctly?#this is just so exhausting. how am i supposed to do this for years and years and years#my grandma is fucking 91#my great grandma died at like 93#i can’t even do another year of this man#i’m dreading my 25 birthday this september#i don’t know how i’m gonna make it to 30#let alone anything after that#my parents are in their 60s………it’s a nightmare to have to think about living that long
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finished season 2 of fringe and feeling mentally unwell about it….
#I somehow simultaneously know so much and so little about the future plot points in this show#(a combo of seeing stuff about it on here and vaguely recalling bits of episodes I saw while it was airing)#I actually like spoilers though so I’m fine with that#anyways the two part finale is so good#I love that it opens with the alt team#it’s great to see Charlie again :’)#I already love my boy Lincoln as I knew I would#and I know fauxlivia’s gonna frustrate me with future plot stuff but she’s so fun actually.#my sister remarked that the whole alt team’s look is very kim possible; so now I can’t get those images out of my head XD#fronge
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anyone want to hear about my LU superhero AU
#fever rambles#linked universe#linked universe au#idk I just love superhero AUs so I’m thinking about mine rn#haven’t posted anything about it yet or in the foreseeable future if no one asks about it. since I’m planning on making a fic bout it#but I’m already working on a lot of stuff already so I probably shouldn’t until I finish or get further along with my other projects#with that being said please as me about my AU please please pelaugs
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Thinking about my OCs again while watching cartoons and how much information I have stored about them at all given times
#I’m tempted to like. write up a doc or script or SOMETHING just going in depth about these guys because I feel like rambling#and I don’t get the chance to talk about my OCs often anymore and I miss it!! bc they’re my little guys and I love them#i just have so many thoughts regarding these goobers and already I’m thinking of future episodes I wanna make even though we’re like.#still working on the pilot LOL#my brain just!! has them! in my mind at all given times!#lumi and the great big galaxy#Evan bleats
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long tag ramble below u have been warned
#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again#but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags#(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now#but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t#anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable#and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it#her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night#but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt#or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort#and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person#and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal#as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward#i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer#but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been#either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing#i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever#also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway#sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation#i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me#but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down#so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again#but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to#anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open#love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks
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i fucking hate being black in america sometimes
#vent#i love being black and i love my body of course#but it’s so hard. we’re always brushed over and if we say anything about it#we’re demeaning other causes and causing an issue…#there has been bills passed for the protection of the lgbtqia and asian/pasific islander communities#but there’s still no bill passed for anti lynching#black women are still payed less than white women#and i know ; i absolutely am so glad those bills were passed#i myself am queer and my boyfriend is asian#but im just . im really upset and sad#i feel over shadowed and it’s already hard with discrimination and micro aggressions and#if the kids in my class are joking about lynching me now#wjo knows what my future will be like#jf.txt#tw vent#i wish living life wasn’t so hard man. like#let’s take a daily thing like school#the teachers think that i’m up to no good just because i “look suspicious”! i have to work extra hard to be nice to everyone#and have a great record but#i see kids all the time who get away with so much bad stfuf#but then when im the one who does it i get in trouble…#i don’t feel good at all really… hopefully things can change soon
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hi my loves :) just a little update for you all
first off, apologies to those of you who have sent in asks that i’ve yet to answer!! i’m about to explain why so pls bear with :’)
so exam season is coming up wayyy too fast, and i’ve been finding writing kinda hard so that’s been going pretty slow (which is v frustrating) but man these deadlines coming up are … a lot. and with an already stressed out heartpascal you can imagine how that’s going 😭 plus my lovely hamster is getting sick and everything just appears to be going wrong!!!
BASICALLY. what i’m trying to say is i’m super sorry but asks are going to be put on the back burner for a little while :( i’ll answer when i can ofc (bc you guys make my days sm better) but it’s all just. a LOT.
i’ll still put out fics when i can, but they’ll probably be quite slow :(
i love you all very much & don’t worry, i’m doing my best to take care of myself (before any of you say anything hehe) but sorta slowing down on here is a part of that!!!
hopefully after exam season is over everything will ease up and it’ll be back to normal on here!!! but i won’t be leaving you guys with nothing so don’t worry <33
AND A SIDE NOTE!!! don’t forget that my dm’s are always open!! if you ever need a chat i will be there as soon as i can be <3
#heartpascal says#i reaaaally didn’t wanna put this out so soon#bc exams are like. 6 weeks away but these are my final exams#which will kinda determine my future so :’)#no pressure right!#and everything is already a bit stressy for me#sigh#but yes#there will probably be days where i’ll come on and answer asks ofc#but it just won’t be as much as i like to rn#i love you all very much#and i do have some fics in the works rn#(a lot of fics bc i am indecisive and keep starting new wips)#so you’ll have them soon enough!#i am admittedly not the most social person so sometimes answering asks can be kinda crazy!!!#but i love doing it#and i love you all#but i just wanted to let you all know so you know i’m not trying to ignore your asks :(#i just don’t have much time / energy to answer them as much as i usually do#love you <3#stay well my lovely heartpascalnation
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idk i do think if i’m totally honest w myself my biggest draw to being a director is that i get to put my fave actors in situations. like it is abt that relationship and trust to me + then i get to go here’s a Situation to have fun with and for the reasons they r my fave actors they go holy shit! fun!
#is this coherent. i love directing sm#i just really really really can’t wait for when i have the money and reputation to take on projects that i trust with people that i trust#it is not just abt this i am mostly reminiscing/hoping for the future#but also he sent me an ‘Idk im just stoked to work on it with you’ text abt understudying and king like. u don’t know how many of my shows r#- just an excuse to work with my actors on the characters and themes they care most abt#and this is it for him! which is v exciting. even if it’s still a disappointment overall#i just like. sort of realized recently that for me the Thing w directing is being able to create opportunities for people whose creative#- sensibilities i trust to tell the stories already inside of them#and sometimes that is abt a story i have too. but its a good 50/50 split#it HAS to be shared like it needs to be. and it needs to come from a place of care#man idk how i’m gonna get employed out of school but i will get to a place i have the autonomy/authority to do this my way if it kills me#ted talks
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i love sm that shtola’s recklessness comes from a place of being super confident in her abilities and decisions and that she doesn’t think she’s going to die bc she can cast flow instead of like a self loathing “i don’t care if i live” kind of thing that feels more prevalent to me
#this is why i also love that she’s always right 😌#can you believe ppl hate that about her…couldn’t be me#i did just notice tho she’s not on the poster for DT. lmao. haha.#so there goes my hopes for shb thanny level of storyline for her but well there’s future expacs i suppose.#as long as she’s not gone half to 3/4 like she was in hw and sb#i need a text post tag#i’m aware i’m complaining about a character with a lot of screen time already possibly getting less but idc i love herrrrrrr 😭#okay. i have to work for real now ahdjsksk
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i started replaying the end is nigh tonight and unfortunately in the three years since i first played it i’ve only gotten more stubborn. so we’re going to be here for a while
#rhyn rambles#i played for like two hours and racked up 600 deaths lmao#but i’ve already done more than i did in my first playthrough#apparently i didn’t even unlock the first future segment?? that’s where i stopped tonight#i was showing my friend and said ‘watch. this is gonna be a really hard platforming segment’#and then it was. because of course it was#this game is hard as shit but i’m determined to beat it this time. i love everything about it#i’m just bad at pure platformers
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What am I doing with my life reading sad Woosan angst after angst fanfics on Ao3 while listening to Wish You Were Here by SuperM on repeat😔🚬
#like idk guys i think i’m just filling a void atp and woosan are my comfort people#like my life is good and i’m actually grateful for everything I have but the periods of sadness always comes back#every day life is also so mundane tho. every day it’s just uni work and the same hobbies#i wonder if it ever goes away like i’m usually a happy person and try not to show negative emotions but it gets tiring to be positive 24/7#i’m also so scared for the future… like wym i’m halfway through college already… and i’m not even passionate about anything#i’ve also been trying to distract myself but i can’t even focus on the things i usually love doing#anyway i hope you all have a good week <3#also thank you to all fanfic writers for writing stories that I can use to escape my thoughts :')#I should probably find some cute fics to read now#love you all
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The best EoA episode is slowly coming to an end and so I already made the final poll :P
#Personal#I made matchups for the next round and I think it’s already obvious which episodes will go through the final#If not it wouldn’t be too much work to replace one episode with another#And honestly I probably should already make a post announcing the winner because it’s also already obvious :’D#And then there’s gonna be a hiatus before I host the next tournament becuase I don’t think I’ll be able to work on it in the nearest future#Anyway it’s been fun and I’m glad there are people who are interested in it#And I’ll be sure to come back with the new tournament as soon as I can <3#I love EoA so much oh my goodness
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peek behind the curtain the end of the magn.us archives burnt a TON of goodwill w me and when they announced the sequel series i went fuck no i will not be there but a monthish ago i learned it had already started and went ok i have v little faith in the team but i Am curious esp since i had seen truly nada about it. so i listened to the first couple eps and then kept going and am actually really enjoying it so far shdjfkg it’s a lot of fun
#expecting to be burnt eventually tbh. but yeah#there was a move in the most recent ep that i LOVED so looks like i’m in it for the forseeable future#the new characters are so fun. those are my friends#and look. we had some good times back in the day right. i loved daisy and basira#cool b does cool things#i will say there are already things set up that i can tell i won’t like when they pay off#and i don’t really gaf about the broader tma lore it never did a ton for me#but it’s been fun. and tbh scarier than the og show so far
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Gaslighting? In MY household? It’s more likely than you think
#sad pav hours#<- ‘tis my new vent tag. filter as needed#just pav things#I have experienced so many levels of Confusion today#I mean most of it just boils down to my dad being a dick for no good reason#what do I even do to him????? I yet again ask him this and he’s like#‘I live with you’. My mere existence causes him misery apparently#He says that I’m unlikeable. I say that people generally enjoy my whimsical disposition or just don’t care and ignore me#or in the case of [redacted] try to pacify me in neurotypical ways that only ended up hurting when I found out#instead of communicating that she didn’t want to be friends. Actually that was what my first vent post on here in 2021 was about#and very ironically it was the reason me and Dolphin became friends (random skribbl game my beloved ^^)#But I digress#Also I’ve already accounted for the fact of my future bosses probably disliking me and some people out there just by virtue of being human#but i’d like to believe I’m generally likeable??? I have so much evidence to prove this that the put-down just ends up confusing#Also the amount of name-calling is insane once you stop filtering it out#I can just casually be called stupid. again without any reason#and then people wonder why I have such low self-esteem sometimes#I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the family scapegoat. I live with 3 blood relatives who hate me.#Also ffs I’M NOT A FREELOADER!!!! STOP sAYING THAT#I understand the real world will be brutal I see the real effects of the cost-of-living crisis every day#I’m prepared to live frugally to survive so stop saying i will be shook 😭 i’m fuckign ready to leave as soon as I have enough savings#and a place to stay. I’m done here. Except for the dogs I will always love and miss them 😭😭😭
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maybe bc I’m pmsing but it’s making me so emotional that people are telling me that they still reread and enjoy my very first series on ao3 bc it’s become a comfort thing for them 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
#I try not to rag on my own older writing bc I think it’s counterproductive in the sense where#I hate everything I’ve written previously which in turn makes it hard to be proud of anything in the present#bc I’m already anticipating it being bad in 2+ years#BUT I do NAWT enjoy rereading that series as much as I do with other fics I’ve written 🥲#so to have people tell me that they still read it and still love this clonky lil series just makes me SOOOOOOO.#you know? lol#anyway I uploaded a dkbk poly fic last night and I like it!!!#just wish I would’ve written more but mentally I was at my capacity lol#maybe more in the future!!#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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