#I wonder if that fucked me up psychologically
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Hmmm... those latest chapters had me wondered if in another universe when she haven't met the pack, the m/c ever happened to meet a seriously really good guy, maybe better than the pack at caring and loving her, would Yoongi gave her up or would he selfishly keep her by his side?
OOOOOOH so this....this actually is gonna get visited in the super angsty alternative bily ending if we ever get around to talking about it. but in short- yoongi would fight like hell. ESPECIALLY if he was still like mated to her- and if that was still a factor.
it's touched on a little at the very beginning of bily but beta mating bites can make both parties behave a little irrationally because they're incredibly strong- mating bites already are a soulbond- but a beta mating bite is straight on dependency and addiction. the m/c has skirted by most of the nastier side effects because she's got geumjae's bite- which yoongi's bite softens and weakens greately- diluting it. but rest assured if they where apart for more than a week yoongi would start to feel some seriously negitive health effects- think along the lines of irritability, tremors, insomnia, paranoia, difficulty keeping food down, like...classic withdrawal symptoms.
but yeah- this question does get delt with eventually in the alternative ending for bily and i guess i've never gone into what happens so! i'll go into it now
tw: psychological conditioning, phsyical and psychological abuse, mentioned suicide attempt, serious angst, beware!
basically, in the angsty alternative ending for bily, the m/c ends up going with moonbyul and staying with her for a period of years until...the m/c is no longer 'fun' for her to play with. think what happened with geumjae x10.
i have thought through the angsty plot of bily almost more than i've thought through the begining part of the series. in my mind- i can picture vividly the night that moonbyul returns the m/c to the pack- that she'd take a picture of some random dumpster behind a bar that the family own and send it to yoongi with the message, "i'd get here quick, the trash comes in the morning. have fun with my scraps"
and of course- the pack would hunt it down- the location- jin and jimin using their training to the best of their abilities, and when they find her- i firmly belive that she'd be near death, broken ribs from being stomped on, hair shaved off because moonbyul wanted to take everything from her before she let her go- i can vividly see namjoon sobbing as he picks her up, thinking she's dead but then her crumpled hand coming up to touch his dimples and everyone scattering, maybe they move to take her to the hospital and she tells them not too but...namjoon cannot make her better. she's beyond repair.
i picture very vividly her in the hospital. namjoon and yoongi standing back against the wall while they fight to save her life- taking in everything, the buuises, the healed cuts- more words that she wrote on her- maybe a tattoo or two- a collapsed lung, dangerously skinny and small because of course moonbyul would have fucked with that too.
i think moonbyul would have systematically psychologically dismantled the m/c, would have pulled some sick dependancy shit, would have made her dependant on the approval of her and the other packmates. to the point where the m/c would not think to do things like eat or fall asleep unless someone ordered her to do it. i do think she'd fight the doctors at the hosptial physically- or at least try too- so unused to being around people that wheren't moonbyul at that point that she'd be paniced.
of course the pack would try to rehabilitate her afterwords with very minimal seucess because at that point, she wouldn't be interested in a relationship or even have any interest in being loved- she's not even a ghost after what moonbyul did to her she's basically just existing because dying would kill yoongi and she doesn't want him to die. thats honestly- the only think i think she even thinks about- is keeping yoongi alive. thats the only thought or want or desire she has anymore.
maybe that was all that kept moonbyul from truly breaking her- just telling herself over and over again that yoongi had to live, that he had to live because if the pack looses both of them they'll never recover.
but just wanting him to live does not mean she wants to be apart of his life or love him or be loved by him, she is past the point of that making her comfortable. i think- being back at the house of course the pack would want to be near her but would be very mindful of stifling her.
i picture the first night she gets home and jin and jungkook would be waiting with a nest they made special- it's all clean, everything is clean because they saw- they know what moonbyul did to her and she passes right by the nest with a blank look and goes downstairs and when yoongi tries to get in the bed with her she doesn't even say anything she just moves to the floor. and he picks her up and places her back in the bed and moves to sit outside the room because it's clear- it's clear she can't be around them- and her moving around too much in her state is actually a little dangerous with her collapsed lung and all.
she doesn't want to do anything but sleep and even then sometimes she doesn't want to do that.
it's brutal and bloody- but after a near suicide attempt in my mind, the pack agree that it's best for her to go into inpatient care... permanently. especially because there where signs that they ignored because they wanted her to get better and where convinced that just a few more days and she'd crack.
keeping in mind that yoongi is going to have to see her at some point because of the mating marks and because he litterally will suffer from mate sickness if they are not at least around each other for a few hours every month. so they find a place thats nice and close, close enough for weekly visits, with a star studded staff that jin vetts, and she gets on medication that may not do everything but at least makes her not violent towards herself.
but then, after a little while the m/c just keeps getting worse and worse. (i can picture one night- when namjoon and jin get a call that she's had another attempt, and they go to see her and she's actually trying to ram her head into the wall while several people hold her down. its a room with a one way mirror and she doesn't know that they can see or here her beg to die and just...i don't think they'd have ever heard her sound like that. i think if yoongi was there- he'd be the one going non-verbal.
i think seeing each other wouldn't be good for yoongi and the m/c at that stage. it would just hurt too much- hurt yoongi because he feels like he's failed her so completely that he can hardly look at her and her because every time they come and see that she's still fucked up- she feels like she's failed them and she wants to stop failing them but getting better isn't possible for her. she's too damaged, too broken.
so yoongi decides to see how long he can go without seeing her- to give them both a time to regroup- namjoon and jin still get the reports from the facility where she is about how she's doing- which are very very detailed because jin and namjoon would only get the best for her. jin approves all of her medication changes and reads every report, hinging on every word for some bit of hope.
The symptoms of mate sickness start slow, but yoongi wouldn't let them get too bad before going to see her, he'd maybe last 6 months. only in my mind- when he goes to the facility, the m/c has already left and disappeared, with not even a note in her place.
and then yoongi would get sicker,
it would take the pack a year or two to track her down again- but i think when they find her again, she's still a ghost- but the beta she works with...looks at her a little too fondly and yoongi sees red.
anyway! if you have any questions about the bily alternative ending! please don't hesitate to ask! i've had lots and lots to think about.
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thinking about how last weekend I came home drunk and put on Dead Poets Society just to drunk post snapchat videos of Charlie Dalton, calling him the loml
#ashley’s rambles#I really just went off#fell asleep with it on too#I wonder if that fucked me up psychologically#dead poets society#charlie dalton#dps#gale hansen
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"distant relative" i assume you are referring to my father?
#happy father's day everyone!#mine was fucking terrible he received a C- rating at best#and that is me being fucking GENEROUS with the grading rubric yeah#anyway i love and respect anyone who feels the need to quietly publicly shame their negligent father figure on anonymous social media#there should be a RateMyProfessor website but it's RateMyParents#it would serve no possible practical purpose but it would be as potentially psychologically scalding as a ghost pepper and/or supernova so.#do it#.......that could actually be so interesting#comparing and contrasting the reviews of siblings and half-siblings and step-siblings#the differences in parental perception between the Black Sheep/Scapegoat and the Golden Child and the Middle Child and So On#(on that note why are the two main idioms for being blacklisted in your own family both *livestock* related who laid that groundwork)#ANYway. back to RateMyFather#this one dad gets nine 5-star reviews and one absolutely SCATHING no-stars review#which mathematically leaves him with a 4.5 rating BUT#the main thing you are left wondering is how did one dad end up with TEN reviews that is in itself an Indictment
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i will shut up abt this i promise but like. the concept of being in a stable safe mutually loving whatever relationship is INSANE . like how can you ever feel bad about yourself or wounded or whatever again. it’s like a superpower or somethi ng. <- doesn’t know what she’s taking abt bc she’s never experienced it or the absence of it after having it merely the negative space of it and is filling in the gaps w logic or something. but it’s INSANE to me. like of course i feel like shit about myself i am catcrumb unloved.jpg!
#purrs#imbeing insane about it i know it’s not that simple / reductive and i will still feel like shit abt myself once im in a relationshp (if i#get to be ♥️) and there are lots of other legitimate reasons to feel shit agtbyiurself. but it’s like no ficking wonder i feel inadequate i#am a 24 year old who lives at home and has never held a hand or whatever next to two 50sometjinf year old married men with pets and phds. of#course i am going to feel inadequate and stupid and lonely. like i canttttt 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and th w worst part is you can’t just go out into#the world saying that and looking for that it has to find you so i will not join any dating apps or whatever but i don’t fucking go anywhere#so im not going to meet anyone and i knowi am so young and stupid and just having a horrible day that is reminding me of horrors. but the#way i am mentally shoving my whole fist in my mouth. OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT I DONT HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE THAT#SAFETY AND STABILITY AND TRUST AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!!!! AND I NEVER HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#delete later#like this is what makes me crazy abt parents and kids too and whyi don’t think ihave kids. bc i think (and i know this is wrong / unhealthy)#it is a primal human need to be mutually someone else’s number 1 person and when you have kids it’s like you’re gonna love your partner more#than the kids and then the kids (read: me) watch that and get fucked up over it. but also that could just be me reacting to the UNSPEAKABLE#psychological damage of being a twin. which again is ridiculous bc it’s n out like abuse i just had to share something with someone else si#since before i was born and ofc there was more like actually kind of abusive stuff on top of it LOL but that aside. idk what im saying i#just feel so crazy. the amount of composure it takes me every day to not start SCREAMING with frustration and envy when i see ppl being#RIGHTFULLY DESERVEDLY visibly confident and loved. like ok valentines grinch go sit in the drainage pond forever please. but it’s so crazy#like how are you supposed to go through the world unaware of how much love you’re missing out on because you’re young and then you realize I#it and then somehow you miss the train and you are scared you are going to d*e alone ♥️ im normal
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i think the weirdest thing thats happened to me is when i had a genuine hyperfixation on the annoying orange as a kid (bear with me) and i apparently didnt find it frightening but somehow my subconscious must have recognized before i did that they were because at some point i started having nightmares about it and could no longer watch it because i was so scared.
like wtf?? can some brain scientist study how my brain put forth an organized effort to smack me out of a hyperfixation using psychological warfare. this has never happened with any other thing ive been interested in, ive never randomly started having nightmares about something i thoroughly enjoyed beforehand, and as embarrassing as it is ive on no other occasion had such intense and recurring nightmares
#on a quote unquote serious note i wonder if there was like an actual psychological explanation for this#my current theory has to do with the fact that youtube and especially content like that were restricted from me at the time#like it was a little more for older kids but i felt like i was rebelling or skating on thin ice or doing something bad by watching it#that feeling having been in the back of my head much of the time i was consuming online content like that#so maybe even though i enjoyed it i still somehow associated it with slight stress that my brain amplified in the form of nightmares#i couldnt tell you if there was something specific that could have triggered it i literally remember it smacking me the fuck out of the blue#just one night i went to sleep and the whole night went thru a series of nightmares to do with annoying orange like it was a horror antholog#and that was just the first time it happened#but it genuinely like fucked me up so bad for a little#idk i just think that era of my life was so funny looking back on it#i have no psychological expertise i am speaking so much bullshit#i like coming up with explanations for the causes of my own dreams sometimes#🌈 neo's ramblingz!!!#<soo much rambling
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It's so weird being a non-American on the internet sometimes because like. I feel nostalgia for things I've literally never experienced/don't even think I want to experience?
Like. Snow days. Road trips. The food. The suburbs. Being in a small town that *isn't* a farming town in the middle of nowhere. The concept of thanksgiving?? I've never had anything remotely close to most of these experiences (and honestly I don't *want* to experience some of them- Thanksgiving just sounds like Australia Day but worse) but I have this weird pseudo-nostalgia for them? Fuck sometimes I *miss* them which makes literally no sense
#thinking its something to do with how i grew up on american media#especially around christmas time (most if not all of my family's christmas movies are american)#so i guess i miss the way that media made me feel as a kid?#god i dont know its a weird fucking feeling#would kill to have a proper american christmas one year though they seem so fun#ugly jumpers. not melting to death. THE FOOD#snow even#specifically like. american suburbs from the 90s#its just so nostalgic to me and i have no clue why#thered be some psychological bullshit behind it im sute#*sure#wondering if other non-americans feel the same way or if my brains just screwy#hm#me.txt
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2/2 My one complaint is that they talk in euphemisms rather than saying ‘autism’ or ‘autistic’ and I’m just like. Spit it out. I think the actual depiction of autistic people is pretty good, but as always with these things, your mileage may vary.
Okay when I first read this second part I laughed at how disconnected they sounded to me, but that's not on you! My memory just reeeally doesn't remember anything like that in the game akshsk, this was so far back for me that I don't think I knew what an autism was despite y'know *points at all of me* peak trauma bullshit time as well so I had zero emotional intelligence to notice it in any way shape or form, like seriously I don't remember anything you mean the patient right? Don't think this would apply to Eva (?) or the other guy we play as if I remember their personalities right? Boi oh boi I wonder how I'm gonna feel revisiting this one could be one of those stories that make me cry now despite not having shaken me in the slightest when I was that age
#i get the sentiment though especially for an indie game with a somewhat realistic setting it'd be kind of annoying to not just say it#especially if it's like Relevant and we're literally dealing with psychology stuff#I get wanting to put the autism in layers and layers of metaphor sometimes though#idk how to explain it but I do think exploring neurodivergency with fantasy concepts and the such without bringing up labels can be healthy#still want more straightforward rep though for fucking sure#but yeah feel free to tell me the specifics if you want with spoilers and such kahdjs#or don't#one day I'll rewatch it and blog about it for sure especially since I'll go in wondering about this and itching to make my own conclusions#a tag for asks
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flatmate is up so im trying to talk about episode 46 to him and he doesn't give shit okay whatever hope you die
#bwark#something about this is bothering me psychologically but im not going to address that right now#i listen when he infodumps about his ugly g*nshin characters but he can't return the favour#+ combined with being mocked for my interests since i was little it's no wonder i feel shame and embarrassment whenever i bring them up#even on my own fucking blog
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>“What are your favourite animals”
>*Lists off almost exclusively creatures that most people are afraid of or think are gross [or both], for the given “I am offended on their behalf, they are simply vibing” reason* “...And also dogs!”
One Of Those Things Is Not Like The Others, except it actually is because I was raised by my mother and my mother fucking hates [read: is afraid of] dogs, especially the big ones. When I was a kid I asked for a pet dog once and she got me two cats instead.
#.It speaks#About me#I am about to bitch in the tags#Animal abuse //#Child abuse //#She HATES hates dogs. I have to listen to her seethe about how much she hates dogs every time the subject of ''dogs'' gets brought up.#She says they're 1. dangerous and 2. ''too clingy and emotionally needy''#She doesn't like affectionate animals [or people] because they're ''manipulative'' [her words] and thus revolting#She likes cats because ''It's so cute. They think they're so independent and don't need me but they would DIE without me.''#Her smug words once again. She does NOT believe me when I try to tell her cats are social animals too.#They literally are affectionate they just don't show it the same way dogs do. Different body language.#Essentially she likes cats because they make her feel Superior™. Bit fucked up!#Psychology fun fact btw. People who like things other people find repulsive [ahem] aren't necessarily just being contrarians.#Sometimes it's a sympathy/relatability thing because the person themself has been made to feel repulsive/hated#Guess what happens when a small child's primary caregiver -- the only person who is raising them -- thinks love and crying are manipulative#I have DID :)#Another reason my mother hates dogs is because they can maul her much worse than a cat can if she kicks them#I think one bit her once. We USED to have two dogs when I was very small.#She was always really mad at them for ''Taking up all of everyone's attention'' and liked to drag them around by their collars#And she wondered why Lorraina had anxiety issues and chewed the furniture.#Lorraina and Frosty were both just kind of uh. Gone one day.#Mom also declaws her cats. I don't understand why vets are even still willing to do that. It's extremely inhumane.
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I will read more books i promise though i cannot say if id talk as much as i do this.
#Many a media i will enjoy but not do all. This with#Im not sure if i can have more than one major one at a time but we shall see.#Floyd.txt#Im trying to get thru what i have...at the moment....#I do think the length of it fueled it a bit. A little. We spend so much time with this freak and see so much into his mind#And he intrigues and fascinates me so so much psychological stuff is so ohh ohhh ohh god#I could talk on everything that was so from the isolation and the the fucking whatever whatever#I have to wonder whats base level and what isnt i dont look around. Because i will see something stupid and talk about it too long.#Most of all hes so pathetic and sad and failguy and i see so much of my struggles in him i can't help but want to squeeze him tight like a#Teddy bearrrrr i wont overshare but man it was a little crazy to see some elements like WOAH okay. Cool. I understand him#Like no one fucking else. Thats a little unironic but i swear to god some stuff i could totally go oh yeah this is xyz and someone else wil#Just..ugh whatever IM SHUTTING UP NOW IM SHUTTING UP. THERES REASONS I WILL HAVE CERTAIN IDEAS ABOUT HIM IM JUST SAYING. BUDDY...#So many reasons it makes me mad when people see him as a cold heartless monster but ultimately did you fucking read the book at all im seri#THE PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT HE FELT NO GUILT OTL WHAT??? WHAT??? WHAT?????????#WHAT????
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It's amazing how I have zero interest in updating the wiki anymore, and yet all it takes is some rando popping in to add one shitty incorrect sentence and I'm immediately rolling up my sleeves and pulling out my books to Do It Right.
#Well. Right-ish. Noticing typos as soon as I log out is special layer of annoyance but fuck you I'm not logging back in#to fix it. Anyway this is some reverse psychology bullshit and I DO NOT APPROVE.#I should be editing my fic not looking up *Dara* facts. Special hate for that hdy#Although I guess I must be moving on if I could look up three different segments without getting a rage migraine#Although the way EoG keeps repeating that Dara was a minor 😭😢😭 when he got the Qui-zi mission is just. Stfu.#Making me edit HIS page today of all days is just. Eugh. God if the series came out now I wonder if the fandom would be any less braindead#about him or if the excuses and delusion would be just as strong#Actually I don't want to know I just want to move on#Where my gay witches at
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I just realised tomorrow marks the 7ths week of me being sick and feeling like garbage lol
It's some ups and downs but generally it's been a while since I've been healthy and none knows whats up which is nice.
#been to the doctor so many times#and at least my general doc is trying but she cant figure out what's wrong#and the throat specialist I've been to twice in one month got a very helpful “sounds like stress and you imagine all” for me#like thanks i keep having my ear throat and nose inflamed constantly and nothing i tried so far helped but surely its stress#my doc suspected a virus but we also didnt find any active anti bodies#so i was just told to rest and was off work for two weeks that also did nothing#so i worked again even tho my doc was like maybe not but i got psychological issues being home with nothing to do#gotta go to my dentist tomorrow to see if the source is there#but im sure its my ears but I'll never go back to that doc#i was there twice a month cuz it kept getting worse and got a stress stamp#stress i didnt even have lately cuz i got a healthy fuck you all work motivation now#and now I'll lose all chance for promotion cuz i cant do my usual 200% and my bosses translate that with: she broken now bye#going great#also don't really have motivation to draw anymore#I started to build model sets but idk if anyone would wanna see those#I also got a cyst on my ovaries and got an appointment in july#that gives me serious pms like i never had it before but ok#someone knows a doc that'll remove the whole uterus i don't need that shit anymore#anyways in case anyone's been wondering where i am lately or if anyone even read this my asks are open if anyone wants to ask smth#or ask my OCs they live rent free in my head and are very precious to me#even my new car is named Michael#he's cute and my record so far been 190km/h#one day I'll do the 225 he can do#just get off the road that day pls#that car was the onyl thing i worked for so idk what to do with my life now#save for car repairs maybe#anyone wants a pic of my child#he's orange#I'm very proud of myself i managed to save up for him quiet fast#these tags are wild but I'm feeling a bit more energetic thanks to some plant supplements my uncle gave me
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TRYING TO REPLY TO COMMENTS, IM SO AWKWARD??? I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE
#if you’re wondering why it takes me two years to respond#it’s because I cringe at everything I say#I have to script my reply out in my head all day#also anxiety#it takes so much energy#i have to psych myself up for it#fuck psychology psychiatry and physics#those are stupid words and im dyslexic#i love comments though#i put them in a composter and use them to fuel my brain
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I stayed up till morning last night reading the wiki pages for the DDLC characters, even though I've never played or watched videos of the game. No wonder it was so popular, god damn
#personal#i remember when it came out and everyone went nuts over it#before now all i knew was that it's psychological horror and that monika breaks the 4th wall and becomes obsessed with the player#i had also seen someone mention awhile back that she manipulates the others into suicide#so that was the most specific (and most fucked up) thing i knew about it#oh and i also saw the clip of natsuki snapping her neck but that was the only clip of it i ever saw#anyway. good god.#part of me wishes i had watched a playthrough with next to no idea what was going to happen instead of reading all about it first#but i also have no idea how i would have reacted had i done that so i'm kind of glad i didn't tbh#if you're wondering how tf i even ended up here; i was looking up the girls' ages to see if i needed to block someone#and then i was like 'monika's the one that becomes obsessed with the player right?' so i read a bit of her bio to see#then i was curious about what actually happens in the game so i read further. 3 hours later it was morning and i was changed as a person#i reiterate. no wonder it was so popular#i've been meaning to get into horror; and psychological horror specifically seems so fucking cool#i hope i can actually handle it lmao#anyway i need to find a ddlc playthrough to watch now#cw suicide mention#ddlc spoilers
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Do You Get It Yet?
hi guys!! this is one day late, but i literally fell asleep trying to proof read last night, so… you win some you lose some.
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader
summary: Spencer Reid is your professor and you really, really need help. If only he wasn’t so distracting.
warnings: smut, little bit of fluff, professor/student relationship, unprotected sex w/ talk of contraceptives, age gap (both parties of age), breeding kink, choking, and some light degradation
this is a fun one guys! let me know what you think!
You swear you aren’t stupid. Really, honestly you aren’t. You’ve done well in school your whole life, not always outstanding, but you’ve always done well.
Right now however, you feel completely dumb. You’re in you third year of university, and up to this point, you’ve done good. Your classes are challenging but rewarding, and you have a wonderful group of people in your life. You have a cat and an apartment to yourself. You have wonderful friends, Lena and Eden, who’ve been with you since your freshman year and who you loved like sisters. Everything in your life was going right, except for your stupid, stupid criminal psychology class.
You should love it. You’ve taken classes like it before and they really weren’t a problem for you, but for whatever reason, you can’t wrap your head around the subject matter at all. Everything you learn seems to morph together and you can’t get it to sort itself out. Your teacher, Dr. Reid, is incredible. He is a genuine genius, member of the BAU (your dream job), and to top it off, he is incredibly attractive. Not just to you either! Half the class is auditing, which probably contributes to your troubles. It’s hard to focus when everyone around you is constantly whispering about how fucking hot the teacher is.
You try to avoid it. You sit at the front of the room, not the first row, but still front and center. Even so, right behind you are two or three girls who will not stop talking about him. Sure, they’re saying what you’re thinking, but good god does it get annoying. You’ve tried pointed looks, a few aggressive hair flips and humphs, and even a few well timed shushings, but they will not let up. You’d move seats but the class is full and everyone has seemed to have already found a place.
So, really, your lack of understanding was not only on you. Dr. Reid us distractingly hot, the girls behind you will not shut up, and the subject matter is just plain tricky. All of this leads you to spend a big chunk of your free time in your professors office hours, which always seem to be full.
You get it. Girls, and some boys, show up looking their best and asking all sorts of questions, and honestly if you were in a different position you’d probably do the same thing. But, you aren’t, and you really need help. You go to his room completely disheveled with a notebook full of questions that for the most part stayed unanswered. You’re lucky to get five minutes of his undivided attention. Again, you get it, those minutes are the highlights of you week, but, your grade is starting to slip.
Finally, it gets to be too much, and you find yourself spending nearly the whole class building up the courage to ask to speak with him privately. Right when he concludes his lecture you spring up out of your seat and go straight to him, surely annoying some of your other classmates.
“Dr. Reid?”
He looks up from his desk, “Hi! Ms.?”
“Y/n. Or Y/l/n, I guess. I was hoping to talk to you privately if you had time?”
“Oh! Um, sure, of course. Let me just wrap up here. You can wait in the seats.”
This has already gone better than you thought it would. Half of you expected the only thing that would come out of your mouth would be gibberish.
“Thank you so much.”
You hurry off to take a seat and wait, and wait, and wait. Around five other people stay around to try and speak with him, and while you catch him anxiously glancing over at you, each conversation still seems to stretch on and on. Finally, after close to 15 minutes, the final student leaves and it’s just you and Dr. Reid left in the room.
He looks over at you and motions for you to join him at his desk, “I’m so sorry that took so long. People tend to have a lot of questions after my lectures.”
You take a seat in front of him, “It’s no worries. That was actually part of what I wanted to speak to you about.”
You pause, wondering how you should word what you want to say. He looks at you, waiting for you to go on, but he doesn’t seem impatient.
“I’ve come to all your office hours, and it helps, I’m just still struggling and I, uh, I just feel like it’s not enough time to get my questions answered, I guess?”
You’re looking at anything but him at this point, “I’m sorry I’m just kinda out of my element. I love this subject and normally it clicks for me, but it’s just won’t. I have a notebook full of questions and I’m worried I won’t be able to figure anything out. Sorry, I think I’m just rambling at this point.”
“No, don’t apologize, I understand. This class is challenging, and a lot of the subject matter is hard to research.”
He stops to laugh, “My office hours do tend to be pretty full. I’m, well to be honest I’m not sure why. A lot of the questions people have tend to be things I explained in my lectures.”
Without thinking, you cut him off, “I think people just want to be around you.”
He looks surprised at your words, and you are as well. You didn’t mean to say that at all.
“Oh my god, I’m sorry. It’s just with a teacher that looks like you, god, no. I mean with a teacher like you-“
Your cheeks grow hotter by the second, “You know what, I think I can figure this out on my own! I’m sorry for-“
He stops you before you can finish, “Y/n, I’ve taught this class before. Half the people are auditing. I’ve gathered what that means.”
He cracks a smile at that and you feel your heart flutter.
“I meant I’m not sure why people would waste their time trying to, uh, impress me at office hours. They’re meant for students like you.”
“Oh, yeah, of course.”
“Unfortunately, there isn’t much I can do on that front. My hours are open to anyone.”
Your shoulders deflate a bit at that, worrying you’ve wasted your time and his for nothing. He doesn’t let you stay like that for long though.
“I want to help you though. Truly. I know reaching out for help is hard and I’m glad you did.”
You look up at him then, “I can set aside some time for you once a week if you’re comfortable? We can review everything you’re not sure on until you’re up to speed.”
You were not expecting that. You thought he’d look over your questions and give you some articles and journals to review at best.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.”
“You aren’t. I’m offering, Y/n.”
“Then I think yes, I’d like that a lot.”
“Great! Email me some times that work for you and we’ll get started.”
~
This is all, admittedly, a bit above your pay grade.
Despite your best efforts, you are not a chill girl. You’re not very cool. There’s nothing wrong with that usually! You’re shy, but still manage to talk people’s ear off. It’s normally a non-issue: that’s just how you are. Today however, you are meeting with Dr. Reid and you are so not chill about it.
You had his class yesterday, and while you feel better knowing you’ll finally have help, you couldn’t focus on anything but today, so you retained nothing. All you can think about is saying something stupid or off putting and having him start to despise you.
You know you shouldn’t worry this much. He’s a professional, you’re trying to be, it should all go smoothly. They’re just the issue of the colony of butterflies who have taken up residence in your stomach. You’re nervous, so nervous, and you are not the type to get this crazy over some guy. Yes, Dr. Reid is probably the hottest person you’ve ever met, but he’s still human! You think… the fact that he’s some sort of super genius with multiple (multiple!) phds does not help to calm you.
Your entire walk to Dr. Reid’s office is spent worrying over all of this. In fact, you’re so caught in your head you find yourself barreling into someone’s back as you walk through the door of the psychology department.
You rush to squeak out an apology while picking up your notebook, but are stopped short when you look up. It’s Dr. Reid. Of course it’s Dr. Reid. You seem unable to be in the same vicinity of him without making a fool of yourself, so why would today be any different. You’d hoped to be able to manage yourself for the better part of an hour, but your professors unbelievably solid back has literally knocked you on your ass.
You do notice a ghost of a smile on his face when you look up, and you’d like to think he’s admiring you clumsiness, but it’s not likely.
“Hi,” you manage to say after a near excruciatingly long silence.
“I’m really sorry, I clearly wasn’t looking at where I was walking.”
He laughs a bit, “It’s no problem honestly. You were the one knocked off your feet, so I really can’t be upset aside from the fact you may have hurt yourself.”
This makes you breath hitch a bit. Maybe you are incredibly starved for attention from the male gender, but the slight affection of his words made you blush.
“Oh, yeah, sure.”
If you were any more articulate you’d be a public speaker, but at least you always seem to make the man in front of you laugh.
“I was on my way to my office to meet with you, but since I already have, you can walk with me.”
You nod, pushing yourself off the ground, then blush again when you realize you had this entire conversation on the ground.
The walk is silent, and you’re sure it’s more uncomfortable for you than it is for him. Any question you had has completely exited your mind, and all you can think about is how good he looks in a suit, and how much staring you can reasonably get away with.
Your first session is sweet. You manage to hold it together in Dr. Reid’s presence. He is incredibly helpful one on one, and you feel more confident about the class than you have in weeks. Before you finish, he asks if you’d like to meet again.
“Yeah, if that’s alright. This helped so much, but I think I still probably need to do some more catch up work.”
“That’s perfectly fine, Y/n, I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.”
He pauses for a moment, like he’s considering something, before going on.
“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to give you my cell. I want you to be able to reach me if you need to reschedule, especially if we continue meeting, and it’s a bit easier than email.”
You’re a bit stunned but manage to reply, “Of course! But, um, is that allowed? I don’t want to over step.”
He looks away from you for a moment before replying, “I’m honestly not sure. Maybe we just don’t tell anyone?”
You have to bite back a grin, but you nod nonetheless and exchange numbers.
Although you know you shouldn’t be, you’re giddy the entire walk home.
~
So far, you’ve met with Dr. Reid three times and haven’t had to use his number once. Not that you’d been looking for an opportunity to though! It just hasn’t come up at all until today.
It’s been raining all morning, which normally you wouldn’t mind, but you’re slightly under the weather and the thought of walking to campus and risking getting more sick doesn’t sound appealing in the slightest. Though it’s not normally an issue, moments like this make you really wish you had a car.
You’ve asked everyone you knew for a ride, but they were all busy.
Currently, you were on the phone with Lena, listening as she tries to calm you down.
“He gave you his number, Y/n. Just text him and say you’re sick and can’t make it.”
“It’s the day of though! I don’t want to come off as unprofessional.”
“Babe, again, you have his number. Your relationship isn’t exactly the most profesh in the first place.”
“It’s not like that, Lena.”
“Just text him. Over explain everything like you know you want to. He’ll probably think it’s cute, maybe he’ll even offer to come take care of you.”
You can hear the teasing lilt in her voice, but, still, you rush to defend him.
“You know it’s not like that.”
“Whatever you say, babe. I gotta go, but text him. It’ll be fine.”
You say your goodbyes, and deep down you know she’s right. About texting him, not the shy sort of seduction act she thinks you have.
After contemplating for a few more minutes, you type out your message and hit send.
You: Hi, Dr. Reid. This is Y/n from your criminal psych class. I know we’re supposed to meet today, but I’m feeling like I have a bit of a cold coming on and don’t want to risk walking in the rain.
You: I’m sorry it’s late notice, if I could get there I would, scout’s honor.
You were never in girl scouts. You don’t actually know why you said that at all, but it’s too late to take it back now.
As much as you try not to, you watch your phone screen, waiting for a response.
Luckily, you don’t have to wait long. You see a typing bubble pop up, then disappear, then pop up again, before finally two messages come through.
Dr. Reid: I completely understand. Don’t worry.
Dr. Reid: I could come to you? If you’re comfortable.
When you read that, you feel your stomach drop to your ass. You decidedly not expect him to offer anything like that. A few things fly through your mind, but mainly that Lena may have been right, and having your professor come to your apartment is, at least, frowned up by admin. Still, the image of him in front of you, in your home, with your cat, is too much to resist.
With shaking fingers, you text him back.
You: That would be wonderful if you’re sure you’re okay with it.
You: Friendly warning, I have a very affectionate cat.
Dr. Reid: Good to know. Is 4 still alright?
You shoot him back a quick yes and your address, and then get to cleaning every square inch of your apartment.
~
Dr. Reid is an angel on Earth.
When you hear a knock at your door, you have to stop before answering to regulate your breathing. When you finally do, you see your professor in front of you in a cardigan (a fucking cardigan) and togo cup of tea that he immediately hands to you.
It’s all like a hopeless romantics wet dream. Hot professor, in the rain, at your house, who clearly cares about you in some way? It’s like he’s trying to kill you.
You step aside to let him in and move to your couch, “You really didn’t have to do this.”
He stands for a moment before sitting at the opposite end and saying through a laugh,“The tea or coming over?”
“Both, I guess? I just feel bad that Ive take up so much of your time. I feel like a bit of an inconvenience.”
“Y/n, please stop worrying so much over this. I want to help you learn, it’s not an inconvenience or a both or unnecessary.”
You really look at him then, trying to read whether or not he’s being genuinely. He just seems too good to be true, like he’s a fiction character made just for you. Well, not just for you, but in your fantasies that’s how you’ll think about it.
The next couple hours are spent reviewing material you are sure he taught weeks ago and stealing glancing at his mouth when you are sure he is not looking. Your kitty makes a few appearances too, and seems to have formed an instant attachment to the doctor. You are not as sly with your staring as you’d like to think, and get caught a few too many times. Honestly, you are trying desperately not to think about anything but academia, but he makes it so unbelievably hard. Not to put the blame on him for your insatiability, but jesus fuck. Intelligence has always been incredibly sexy to you, and it oozes from him
Despite the distraction, you’ve been doing good in terms of building your understanding. Now however, you are on the verge of tears, chocking down a knot in your throat as you try to make sense of anything coming out of Dr. Reid’s mouth. This has to be the third time he’d tried to explain it to you, and while this is the entire point of these meetings, you feel like a failure.
The doctor is lost in his own world, trying desperately to explain the concept in a digestible way, so he doesn’t notice your state. That is, until you sniffle, just slightly, and immediately avert your gaze.
He cuts himself off, “Y/n? Are, are you okay? What’s wrong.”
It’s too much, so too much. What kind of dick asks something like that, with that much care in his voice. You can’t help the tears starting to fall.
“I’m so sorry. I just, I can’t understand it.”
He looks at you with his beautiful eyes and says, “Y/n, it’s okay-“
“No. God, you must think I’m a fucking idiot. No, not fucking, I didn’t mean to say fuck in front of you. God this is terrible.”
You’re fully crying at this point, and you can’t bear to look at Dr. Reid.
He stays silent for a moment, before you feel movement on the couch and look up to see he is much closer to you.
“You’re incredibly intelligent, Y/n. I, I would never judge you for needing help.”
You bury your face in your palms, and, very eloquently, try to speak through them.
“Sir, you really don’t need to say that. I know I should have been able to grasp this weeks ago, all of this.”
“Spencer.”
You look up, “What?”
“My name is Spencer. You don’t have to call me sir or Dr. Reid. I’d like for you to call me Spencer.”
“Well, Spencer then. I’m sorry for wasting your time. I really don’t know why I thought any of this would help, clearly there’s something seriously wrong with-“
You’re cut off by a hand on your jaw, guiding you to look up. Dr. Reid’s hand. Spencer’s hand, and it’s gentle and he’s staring at you, and you feel like your skin is on fire underneath his palm.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Y/n. You’re one of the most capable, intelligent people I’ve ever met. I’m breaking nearly 20 different codes of contact by being here, but I can’t help it.”
You feel all your words caught in your throat, and all you can fucking think about is his hand and his eyes and his lips. You don’t know what else to do, so, in an act of unusual bravery, you push forward and press your lips to his.
The response is immediate. All thoughts in your head are gone and replaced by a mantra of Spencer’s name. You feel his hands move to the nape of your neck, holding you to him, and his lips pressing yours open so he can glide his tongue over yours. You’re breathless and ruined, and when he pulls back you’re too struck by him to speak.
“You have no idea what you do to me, Y/n. I’ve never wanted anyone like this before”
Your forehead is pressed to his and you breath out, “Show me.”
The hand on you tightens its grip, but the man before you pulls back a bit, and it becomes your only point of contact.
“I, I can’t. I’m your teacher, I’m nearly 20 years older than you. I shouldn’t have even kissed you.”
“I kissed you. I want you, this. I want whatever you’ll give me.”
“It’s wrong, Y/n.”
“I don’t care. I want you, Spencer.”
Hearing you say his name must break his resolve, because in a moment his lips find yours again, and he’s pulling you into his lap.
To recap, you’re in your home, on your couch, straddling the hottest man you’ve ever seen, and his lips are trailing down your neck and over your clavicle. You put your arms around his neck, threading your hands through his hair and experimentally rolling your hips against his.
His hands grab your hips, stilling your movement, and breaks from his assault on your neck to say, “I won’t be able to control myself if you do that, Y/n. I need to know what you want.”
“I want all of it, doctor.”
The honorific must do something for him, because he growls low in his throat before once again connecting with your lips. The same hands that just stilled your movement now guide your hips to press into him harder. You feel his length beneath you and moan into his mouth.
You’d fantasized about this for months, but now it’s actually happening and it’s so much better than you could have ever imagined. You feel him every where, and he knows exactly what to do and whisper in your ear to drive you fucking crazy.
You move your hands from his hair and break from his lips to pull your shirt off. You make eye contact with him and then reach behind your back to unclasp your bra, leaving that part of yourself entirely exposed to him.
“Fuck, Y/n.”
The expletive takes you by surprise for a moment, but you snap out of it quickly, taking one of his hands and bringing it to your chest. He moves quickly from that point, cupping your breast in his hand and toying with your nipple. Your lips find his again, and you feel him move to flip you, but you stop him before he can.
“Bedroom, Spencer. Please.”
He nods and you climb from his lap. On your way to the room, he discards his shirt. You can’t help but ogle his frame. He’s slender and sinewy, but you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. The angles and curves of his frame fit
together to create the perfect portrait of a man. He has scars littered over his arms and torso, but they don’t phase you.
You’re under him on the bed now, your core raising to meet his desperately.
“You’re so beautiful. So beautiful, I’m so lucky.”
His words cause a blush to form on your cheeks, which you can barely focus on as his hands are in the process of pulling your shorts and panties down your legs.
“Fuck, baby, you’re soaked, huh?”
You whine as his fingers make contact with where you need him most.
“Is this all for me, Y/n? Who’s making you this wet?”
“You, sir, only you.”
“Jesus, baby.”
If someone had asked hours ago you what you thought your professor would be like in bed, this was the last thing you would’ve said. Not that anyone would ask… but still. He’s nerdy and adorable, and while his looks are literally to die for, he doesn’t scream ‘I’m gonna fuck your brains out’.
His fingers pick up their pace on your clit as you find yourself trying to undo his belt. You’re desperate to see him as bare as you are. He stops to help you get his pants down, and when you see him in his full glory you feel a little faint.
“You’re so big.”
He lets a little whine slip through, “Yeah? Biggest you’ve had?”
You blush a little at his tone. As much as you’re trying to fake it, you don’t have as much experience in this field as one might expect for a girl your age.
“I’ve only been with one other person, so yeah.”
Your candor is decidedly not sexy, and you really have no clue why you would say that right now. The man above you does not seem deterred though, if anything it spurs him on.
“Fuck, Y/n. Didn’t know you were so innocent.”
You blush again, but reach to grab him, trying to prove how good you can be. He’s heavy in your hand, and part of you worries how he’ll fit. You know you’re programmed to accommodate, but the thought is daunting.
He must sense your concern when he says, “Don’t worry, love. Gonna stretch out this pussy for me.”
With that, his fingers resume their previous task, and he slowly moves down to trace your entrance with his middle finger. The sensation has you spinning, and let breathless moans leave your body he slowly starts to open you up. His fingers are long and precise in their movements. Every time he thrusts into you, they graze a spot that sends sparks of pleasure straight to your core.
“You’re doing so good for me, puppy. Letting your professor fuck you with his fingers.”
You can barely breathe, and your climax comes closer with every passing second. When his thumb moves to press over your clit and his other hand presses firmly on your lower stomach, you’re done for.
“Good girl, Y/n. Coming so pretty on my hand.”
Your orgasm is stupefying, and all you can think or say is Spencer’s name. You grab at him, desperate to find something to ground you, and you hear him moan as your nails dig into his back. He doesn’t stop for a moment, continuing to press into you and riding you through your high.
Once you come down, though you can still feel your legs shaking, you want more. You want all of him. You take him in your hand again, pumping up and down his shaft at a lazy pace.
“Spencer, I need you to fuck me.”
He laughs, his hand still on your core, “Ask nicely, Y/n. You come on my fingers and all of a sudden your manners disappear? You really are desperate for me, huh?
You didn’t want to admit it, but he’s right.
“Please, Spencer. Please fuck me, I need it.”
“Good girl,” he takes your wrist and leads your hand to your mouth. “Spit.”
You aren’t exactly sure what he’s doing. You think he might be teasing you more, letting you work him over until you beg, but he answers all your questions quickly.
He guide your hand back to grab him, helping you jerk him off before he grabs himself and lines up with your entrance.
In his first Dr. Reid like moment in the last hour he stops and asks, “Fuck do you have a condom? I obviously didn’t think we’d do this, so I don’t have anything on me.”
You’re panting with anticipation at this point, but still manage to get out, “I’m on the pill and I’m clean. I trust you.”
His eyes go soft for a moment, before he continues his previous mission. He lines up again with you, before teasing your slit with the head of his cock. If you didn’t want him so bad, you could’ve come like this, but you are desperate. You push your hips up, hoping he gets the point, and he does.
“I could play with that pussy all day if you’d let me, Y/n.”
You want to protest, and tell him to get on with it, but you don’t have to. You feel his tip
slowly pushing into you as he lets out a groan.
“You’re so fucking tight.”
He’s slow and careful, and you can’t remember sex ever feeling this good. You know he isn’t all the way in, but you already feel so full. When he does reach the hilt, you let out a low moan at the feeling. He’s completely inside of you, filling you in a way that is unbelievably good. He stays still for a moment before slowly pulling back and thrusting into you.
You can tell he’s being gentle, but hard enough and fast enough to have your legs start shaking more heavily again. You already feel a pit in your stomach, and you know you’re going to come, for a second time, embarrassingly fast.
“Fuck yes. So good for me, Y/n.”
The way your name sounds in his mouth drives you crazy. The only thing you can think about is how badly you want this moment to go on forever. Everything about him is perfect. Even now, while fucking your brains out (literally, you could make yourself say a word even if you wanted to), he’s cupping your head in his hand and telling you how beautiful you are.
Now that you’re more accustomed to the size of him, he takes your thigh, pushing it up to your chest, and starts too fuck into you faster and harder. His pelvis rubs over your clit with every thrust, driving you crazy. Your hands are in his hair and down his back, grabbing and clawing at him.
“You love taking this cock, huh baby? Love how deep it is in you. Can’t even talk you’re so fucked out.”
His words go straight to your core, but you know what you need to come again. You guide his hand up near your sternum and manage to cry out a few words.
“Please, need it. Need you.”
He takes your request to heart and moves his hand to your neck, squeezing the sides. You feel yourself get light headed in the most incredible way. Tears are forming in your eyes. The feeling is so intense.
“So perfect for me. Gonna fuck you dumb, puppy.”
You whine at the nickname, you didn’t even know you were into that.
“You’re just sucking me in, Y/n. Hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.”
You’re close, and you can feel the pit in your stomach start to spread and take over. Spencer’s hand on your throat tightens slightly, and it only take a few more thrusts before you’re coming on him.
“Coming. Fuck, Spence you’re making me come.”
“That’s right. Come all over this cock. Show me how good I make you feel.”
Your vision is going white at the edges and you feel like your whole body is shaking.
“Fuck, gonna come just watching you. Gotta pull out, baby.”
You grab him before he can, “No! Want it inside me.”
He groans above you and you feel his hips stutter.
“Fucking Jesus. Want me to fill you? Make this pussy mine.”
You nod, the tears now falling down the sides of your face.
“Gonna come, baby. Fuck, I’m gonna come in your perfect fucking pussy.”
You can feel when he does. His dick is pulsing in you, filling you completely, just like he said he would.
When he comes down, he pushes his lips to yours, kissing you with an intensity you’ve never felt before. For a while, he just lays there, kissing you.
“Gonna pull out now. Gotta clean you up.”
You whine, but nod regardless. You feel empty at the loss of him, but you don’t have much time to think about it before you feel a warm towel wipe around your centre.
“You gotta go pee, Y/n. Don’t want to develop a UTI.”
Five minutes ago this man was coming inside of you, and now he’s back to being the man who came to your house in the rain with tea. You do know he’s right though, so you pull yourself out of your bed on shaking legs and make your way to your bathroom.
When you come back in, you find Spencer with his pants back on. Your heart breaks a little.
In a small voice you ask, “Are you leaving?”
He looks up at you then, “Do you want me to stay?”
You don’t know why you wouldn’t.
“If you don’t want to you don’t have to.”
You can feel tears welling up again, but these are different from before; he notices immediately.
“Baby, baby don’t worry. I don’t want to go, I just didn’t want to over step.”
You laugh a little at that, wiping your eyes, “I think we’ve gotten over all the steps, Spencer. I, I want - Just please stay.”
He nods and moves to take off his pants before sliding into place next to you. His arm wraps around your waist and you feel a tingle in the spots where he touches you.
“I don’t want to have this be a one time thing,” you blurt out.
You feel him hold you a little tighter then.
“I was never planning that, Y/n. Now, sleep. We can talk about how much I’ve come to adore you tomorrow.”
END!! i hope you all love it!
tag list! (leave me comment if you want to join and i’ll add you): @sabage101
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds smut#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid smut#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x y/n#fic rec#professor!reid
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Vox with an unlucky s/o?-
What about Alastor with a lucky s/o?
I CAME AS SOON AS I COULD
Alastor X Reader Headcanons
✅️Romantic
❌️Platonic
TW: None?? I think??
Description: ☝️⬆️
Unlike with Vox, Alastor immediately believes you when you tell him you're naturally lucky
However, maybe you should've kept it to yourself because what he takes away from that is that you're indestructible
Always sending you in somewhere dangerous first because he knows you'll come away unscathed
Physically anyways
Motherfucker you'll never psychologically heal from this
Sometimes he tries to use you as his good luck shield charm but it backfires and he ends up on his ass
"What just happened?"
It only cools down a little once you two are together
Somehow the fact that you're so lucky is something Alastor takes pride in as if he's the one responsible for it
If you're bragging about it then he's bragging about it
Even if you're not bragging about it
He's eager to prove it too, just waiting for someone to try and call bullshit
"Okay now I know you're exaggerating, Y/N isn't that lucky-"
"Wanna bet?"
Not him shoving you into traffic just to watch you miraculously spin back to him with some tasty food in your bewildered arms
"You're so thoughtful, my dear! That looks delicious~"
Fuck off you can't have any after pulling that little stunt
Alastor is so pleased when your supernatural luck pulls through because he knows he doesn't have to worry about you all the time
You get kidnapped?? Somehow you always end up home by the end of the day with your kidnappers blown up
You're stuck in a street fight??? Somehow you come out on top and the territory is yours now
Sometimes Alastor is genuinely baffled by just how lucky you can be but he's learned to just stop questioning it
You're his amazingly lucky S/O and he's so impressed by it, will use you to help him win bets/place deals
"Wanna make a deal that Y/N will land on their feet after I push them off this building?"
You're gonna make him so powerful
Sometimes you wonder if he's trying to kill you but all your anger melts away at the sight of his proud face
You can't stay mad him, not when he just wants to show you off and genuinely seems to believe in you
It helps that he rewards you afterwards with some affection, rubbing his cheek on you and telling you what a good job you did
Shut up and keep rubbing my head you psychopath
You can always get him back if you really wanted to, your luck would prevail and you'd come out on top
Not that Alastor knows that
You should get revenge
"Mm...you're so gonna get it...~"
"What was that now?"
The chaotic side of me took hold but I hope you still like it!!
#hazbin hotel x reader#alastor hazbin hotel x reader#alastor hazbin x reader#alastor x reader#hazbin x reader
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