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lykegenia · 7 months

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So something has been bugging me for a while now about A and N’s backstories, and while I know not everyone will be as pedantic as me, as someone who loves history and has done a lot of writing, I feel that if you’re going to write a story about vampires and give them a specific time and date of origin, then there should be a certain level of research that goes into making that background authentic. I'm not saying that Mishka didn’t do any research. It just seems that in order to keep the vibe of a happy, mellow fantasy some of the less savoury aspects of A and N’s upbringings have been left out, and it's a shame. To be honest, it feels a bit disingenuous, and it feels like an opportunity got wasted.

Let me explain (long post got long, it's 2am)

Let's take A first, since the problem is simpler here.

A is the child of a Norman lord and an Anglo-Saxon noblewoman, born in the first generation after the Norman Conquest of England in 1066. A says that these were turbulent times but that their parents had a happy marriage. Which. While I’m sure a lot of unions in that time period made the best of it, I can’t help but feel this description strips away a lot of the context of what was going on at that point in history - and removes some of the complexity about A’s thoughts on love and relationships.

Basically, after he took control of the throne, William the Conqueror stripped many Anglo-Saxon lords of their lands and titles so he could give them to his Norman buddies instead - with the added bonus that it left the Anglo-Saxons without the means to raise armies against him. The sisters, daughters, and widows of the dispossessed Anglo-Saxons were then forced to marry these new Norman lords to legitimise their power, not infrequently after all of their male relatives had been slaughtered. It’s not as if Anglo-Saxon women weren’t used to being used as political chess pieces, but the years after the conquest were brutal. It’s why William had to build so many castles. The point that I’m trying to make is that even if A’s mother was content enough in her daily life, due to the power imbalance between her and her husband, it's very likely she had little choice in the matter. She may have seen a lot of her family killed for political reasons, with the knowledge that – in an age where women had very little protection outside of their paternal household – she might be next if she made too much of a fuss.

It would be fascinating to see what effect that tension has had on A 900 years later, or even to get an acknowledgement of how much times have changed, but we don’t. We don't see how their early years affected them, how they view relationships formed naturally instead of via political contracts. And I really, really wish we did. There is so much potential there.

But A is not the one keeping me up past 2 in the morning. It’s N, and the utter detachment their backstory seems to have from the period in history they lived in as a human. And it all stems from the fact that they came from the English nobility in the late 1600s.

See, the bulk of the problem is that English inheritance law at the time heavily favoured primogeniture, where a man’s wealth would go to his first-born son. Some dispensation was made for widows and other children, but the estates, assets, and most of the money had a very clear destination.

For one thing, this makes it kinda weird that N’s stepfather would have needed an heir before he could inherit, because except in extreme circumstances everything would have gone to him anyway. Don't get me wrong, this isn't the worst part of the problem, it’s just annoying when there are more plausible reasons for him marrying a woman already pregnant with another man’s child (old family friend wanting to save her from disgrace, needed the dowry to pay off gambling debts, there was a longstanding betrothal between them that would have been tricky to get out of, etc.).

No, the bigger problem with N’s backstory vs primogeniture is firstly that at the time the English aristocracy was racist af (still is tbh) and given his pretty obvious mixed-race heritage, no court would have agreed that Nate was a legitimate son (this is for a very special reason that we will be coming back to). I say Nate specifically here because primogeniture requires the eldest legitimate son. Nat wouldn’t have inherited at all, as women in that period passed from the guardianship of their father (or other male blood relative) into that of their husband after marriage, and only gained any kind of independence with widowhood. If N had been an only child, maybe they would have been treated as a special case, but unfortunately Milton exists: the eldest legitimate son who by law will inherit everything.

Now here’s the thing. Your average aristocrat in the 17th century is very obsessed with lineage and keeping the family line unbroken. He would not, therefore, send his legitimate heir to sea to be shot at or drowned before he can carry on the family name – that joy instead goes to any other sons who need their own profession, because again, they will get very little. Nat would have had a dowry, but would never have been expected to make her own living, so I'm going to focuson Nate for this next bit.

In Book 3, if you unlock his tragic backstory Nate tells you he joined the Royal Navy after Milton went missing so that he could go look for him. And, well. This is where his backstory as Mishka tells it completely falls apart. For two reasons:

1. Even in the modern day, you can’t ‘just’ join the Navy, and you certainly can’t just jump straight to being a lieutenant – it takes years of training and after a certain age they won’t take you because they won’t be able to mould you easily enough into a useful tool. For most of the Navy's history, the process was even more involved. It wasn’t an office job you could just rock up to and then quit if you felt like it, it was a lifetime commitment. Boys destined to be officers would be sent to sea as early as 12 to learn shipboard life, starting at the bottom and moving up the ranks. These were gained by passing exams and by purchasing a commission – which is why you generally had to come from wealth to be an officer at all. Once you get to lieutenant you're responsible for a lot of people, and might be tasked with commanding any captured ships alongside the daily running of yours - it was not an easy job.

2. Even as a lieutenant (one rank below Captain, with varying levels of seniority) it’s not like you can just go where you want. In the 1720s British colonies already existed in India, the Caribbean, and up the entire eastern seaboard of North America and into Canada, and the Navy was tasked with protecting merchant shipping along these seaways (and one trade in particular that we’ll be getting to, don’t worry). Nate could have ended up practically anywhere in the burgeoning empire. He would not have been able to choose whom he served under, and would not have been able to demand his superior officer go against orders from the admirality to chase down one lone vessel because he thinks another one of the admirals might be a bit dodgy. It could not have happened.

Besides these impracticalities, there’s a far easier way for the child of a wealthy man to get to a specific point on the far side of the globe to look for their lost sibling, which is the route I assume Nat took sine she couldn’t have joined the Navy (yes she could have snuck in but she’s specifically in a dress in the B2 mirror scene so). All they'd have to do would be to charter a ship and tell the captain where to go, which is the plot of Treasure Island. It's quicker, less fuss, with less chance of things going wrong. It's even possible in the age of mercantilism that the Sewells had some merchant vessels among their holdings that could be diverted for the task. Why go through the hassle of joining the Navy and potentially ending up on the wrong side of the world when you can just hire a ship directly?

If Nate does have to be in the Navy (and let’s face it, it’s worth it just for the uniform) then it's far more plausible is that, as the illegitimate son who would not inherit because of racism etc, he got sent to the Navy as a boy and rose through the ranks to become a lieutenant. When he got news of Milton’s disappearance not far from where he was stationed, he begged his captain to go investigate in case whatever happened turned out to be the symptom of a bigger problem. Like pirates.

I like this version better not just because it makes more sense, or because it keeps Nate’s situation re: inheritance closer to Nat’s and therefore makes their stories more equal, but also because it adds a delicious amount of guilt to Nate’s need to find his brother. We know his entire crew died looking for answers, because he was selfish – that’s roughly 100-400 lives lost because of him, and we know that sort of thing eats at him.

So that's one side of the story, but if Milton wasn’t in the Navy, what was he doing on the other side of the Atlantic in the first place? Well, this is where we come to the biggest elephant in the room regarding N’s backstory as a member of the 17th century English aristocracy and potentially as a naval officer: the Atlantic Slave Trade. If you are wealthy in 17th century Britain it's more than likely that your wealth comes either from the trade itself, or from the products made with the labour of enslaved people. If you are wealthy, you want to protect your assets from attack by pirates or foreign powers so you don't become less wealthy, and that is what the Navy is for.

Regardless of N’s own views on slavery at the time – and any subsequent changes in opinion – it’s likely their family owned or had shares in slave plantations in the Americas. As distasteful as it is, it makes far more sense that Milton was on a trip to check the family’s holdings when his ship - specifically a merchant vessel - went missing. From a pirate perspective, a merchant ship would make a much better target than a Navy vessel, being slower, more likely to have valuable cargo, and less likely to have marines or a well-trained broadside.

It's not surprising that Mishka left out the subject of the slave trade given her tendency to skirt around darker subjects and general blindspot for racial politics, but it is nuance that, if it was there, would create a more grounded and coherent backstory for N that doesn’t have quite so many holes. Like with A being the child of an invader and his war bride, we could get some deeper thoughts from N about their place in the world - How do they feel to have grown up so privileged when others who looked like them were regarded as literal property? How did they feel being part of the system that made it happen? Did it inform their compassionate nature? Is it still a source of guilt or someithng they've tried to make up for?

I'm not sure where I was going with all of this. It's late, my sleep pattern is fucked. The tl;dr is that giving the vampires' backstories historical context would make them feel more multifaceted and would give opportunities for character growth that are instead missed because of a desire for a more sanitized version of the past.

#thank you for coming to my ted talk #the wayhaven chronicles #twc #a du mortain #adam du mortain #ava du mortain #n sewell #nate sewell #nat sewell #it's annoying because it’s such a small tweak in the grand scheme of things #If she didn’t want unfortunate implications she could have made N from a century later when the navy was actively trying to stop slavery #A could have been from a 50 years earlier to tie his whole family’s demise into the subjugation of the english after the battle of hastings #or a century later when the two courts had mostly integrated #mishka made choices #they deserve to be given more substance than mere aesthetics #you can tell it’s late I’m using long words

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waitmyturtles · 3 months

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Last Twilight, episode 11: reflections

Okie-dokes. Just finished this now-infamous episode and my thoughts are rolling, especially with what I've seen posted throughout today. I think this is going to be more of a musing than a concrete Big Meta, because I am ultimately not going to be surprised if a lot of what was left on the table here will be addressed in episode 12.

One theme that I think an episode 12 will NOT be able to address, is the sudden change of Mhon from episode 10 to episode 11 in regards to her accepting Mhok. As we recall, episode 10 started off REALLY HEAVY. Mhon IS the reason why Mhok leaves as a caretaker in episode 10 and has to find a new job -- that's a fact.

Last night, I reblogged some important and interesting commentary on Mhon from prior to today's episode, especially in terms of examining her actions from an Asian/non-Western lens. I think this commentary was super important to understand her mindset as a work-first single mom up to today's episode. I think an Asian lens absolutely contextualizes her actions up to episode 10, 4/4. But I don't think today's episode helps to offer further context of her actions from a non-Western lens.

Mhon states in episode 11 that she doesn't want to be a "silly mom" who keeps her son from dating; when, unfortunately, she was depicted as doing exactly that in episode 10, to the point that Mhok was in fear between episodes that she'd break them up after seeing them at Christmas dinner.

This a bad plot hole -- and her words, her past, anything, could have been used to save that inconsistency.

I think her sudden acceptance of Mhok in today's episode came off as soapy. And her doubts about Mhok being able to take care of Day without the family's help were a touch condescending. I don't think this episode does enough to place Mhon's last monologue in a place of accurately relating to others. It was clunky and not good.

Aof Noppharnach, I feel, knows how to bridge Mhon's changes better. If episode 12 DOES address these changes -- please, let it be with context and grace. I don't want soapy tropes here, especially because we know that Noppharnach shows have done parenting so much better than this.

Here's one bit that I think the episode did well. While I see a lot of the internet protesting the break-up: in my opinion, I think Day made the right decision for himself at this moment in his life.

Day's life paradigm in 2/4 is repeating itself: as his past caretaker in his mom was the same, his current caretaker is a chef who works morning to night, and Day is alone in his room, eating by himself.

However, Day revels in being in a relationship, finally, where someone isn't taking pity on him, and he can be seen as a potentially self-determining person.

Day's recognizing that he has a path of self-advocacy and self-sufficiency to work on here, as he gets himself out of his hotel room with the use of the cane, and ends up playing with children. Yes, this is happening while Mhok is battling his fears about caring for Day while leaving him alone during work -- which, we learn, is something Mhok cannot ultimately bear if they're together.

A lot of the discontent I'm seeing about the episode on my dash is about Day's not empathizing with Mhok in the moment of the break-up. But Mhok doesn't previously reveal to Day his panic attacks -- the car accident, the search for Day before finding him on the hotel grounds. Mhok only explains to Day his panic reactions regarding Rung at the moment of the break-up. Bro. Communication is a dance for two in a relationship.

What motivates Mhok to be near Day now? Number one: the caretaking, which was a job. Number two: the current nearness, which should now be a relationship, but Mhok's motivation isn't quite the relationship alone, as we learn with his story about Rung. In my opinion, vis à vis Mhok, I think that's a touch disingenuous for Mhok to only be talking about this now to Day, on the cusp of a break-up. This is heavy!

Mhok's motivation is ALSO, now, his being consumed with his perceived economic need to support Day, along with the reality that while Mhok works, Day will be alone... which is something Mhok clearly will have difficulty handling anyway. I'm not sure what the difference is here, between Mhok working a hell of a job in Thailand vs. in Hawaii. Day will still have to learn to be self-sufficient in a relationship with Mhok. Day says this himself.

Day calls Mhok out on exactly this, and breaks up with him. I would argue here, for Day's perceived path to learn to be self-sufficient, that dumping Mhok was the right thing for him. Day is seeing a cycle repeat itself -- someone who is going to "sacrifice" their life for him, and keep Day in a stasis. Day only needs an equal partner to live a blossoming, broader, and independent life -- as we see happening between Aon and Pla. I did not appreciate Mhok's lying, and I agree with @bengiyo's Stray Thoughts on this very much (in which he says this FAR more succinctly than me, ha).

While I think Day made the right decision... I think the execution of all of this was just so clunky. We can do better than this, the tropes, the lying, everything. Imagine an episode of Mhon reflecting on her past, with her monologue reflecting on lessons she's learned by caring for her boys while figuring out the vagaries of an adult needing to be loved in the context of life's complications. Imagine Mhok telling Day about Hawaii right away -- as an equal partner who doesn't PITY his partner would do. Imagine Mhok telling Day about Mhok's panic attacks as they're happening -- and Day, as an equal partner, helping Mhok through that pain.

At least between Mhok and Day, those are growth patterns that can certainly be explained in the long-term course of a relationship. Not everything gets solved in love right away.

But. BUT. We did NOT see this side of Mhok in previous episodes. In previous episodes, Mhok WAS Day's strong and equal partner. In previous episodes, Mhon WAS struggling with her demons. What happened to all of that?

This episode 11 threw too much new and non-contextualized... stuff in the pot, to reach a climatic episode 12. This is heavy family and love stuff that I know past Noppharnach shows have handled deftly, and I'm just a little deflated by it....

...ESPECIALLY because Day's self-advocacy journey is a hell of a storyline that doesn't need scripted curveballs thrown at it by the need for a drama to be "dramatic."

#last twilight #last twilight the series #last twilight meta #last twilight the series meta #jimmysea #jimmy jitaraphol #sea tawinan #mhokday #mhok x day #day x mhok #morkday #day x mork #mork x day #i have a grand conspiracy theory for why last twilight went this direction #i blame only friends #i blame only friends for a lot #but i'll get into that another time

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controversialhpmemes · 24 days

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Obviously hate is never okay and that message is was super shitty, I’m sorry!

But it’s also very obvious that you think canon is superior. Even with the small things— like chocolate chip versus oatmeal raisin in your response. (i know i know it’s silly but…) Based on my experience with your page, you do shit on non-canon ships in your memes and you complain about people who like those ships.

(And before you say that you’re critiquing the ships— it doesn’t feel like you’re doing it in good faith. Good faith critiques come from a place wanting something to improve because you like it and want to be part of it. You’ve made it clear you don’t like these ships and it feels like you don’t want to actually engage in productive discourse)

So It feels like the “if people just tagged correctly” argument is disingenuous. Like how do you tag a character as OOC when they don’t really have a characterization to begin with? Not to mention— I feel like sO many marauders fics are tagged as AUs anyway because they don’t take place in the magical world.

There are also so many other tags you could filter out, such as any of the ships you don’t like. If you don’t like how Jegulus treats Lily and Harry, filter out fics that having Jegulus raising Harry.

To a casual (but deeply invested observer) it feels more like you miss the focus on the older parts of the fandom and are taking it out on the newer members. If you’re annoyed with the lack of content/focus/popularity, you’re not going to change that with anti posts. You just need to find your people (which you’re doing here!) based on what you all like.

To your jokes about marauders fans not understanding or knowing the canon… many marauders fans grew up reading Harry Potter and have since become uncomfortable with how JKRs views come through in the text. Many of us have since distanced ourselves from the original canon on purpose because of the transphobia, racism, and pro-cop content. (This isn’t me trying to say that canon lovers are endorsing this, but it also doesn’t feel right when canon lovers act like they have more of a claim to fandom spaces… so many people would have loved to continue being in those spaces, but feel like Marauders is a safer space)

I don’t get the impression that people are trying to pretend they invented Harry Potter, but to some degree they largely invented the marauders characters. Obviously some characters have large roles in the canon (you post a lot abt Remadora, which makes sense) but others are barely mentioned or are only shown through specific lenses.

Like I mentioned earlier, how do you tag something OOC when there’s no original characterization? But it’s not an OC, because you’re pulling bits of the character from the world and thousands of other people have the same character (or a similar character) in their heads.

This isn’t supposed to be a gotcha moment. I’m genuinely asking bc it doesn’t really feel like tagging is the root of the issue.

One last big point: Your blog talks a ton about misogyny and fetishization of gay men. These are topics that are much-discussed in so many spaces and not even the most fanon-focused marauders fans can agree on them, but I’d like to give my two cents.

There is misogyny. Of course there is. Even as people try their best, Marauders revolves around a group of boys (it’s in the name) and men will continue to be at the center of it. That will inherently attract and breed misogyny.

However, the canon treatment and characterization of women is also misogynistic. Lily, for example, is very flat in the books. She has a few scenes (in Snapes memories, mostly) and is otherwise talked *about*. She is held up as an idyllic mother and student and person, true, but that is not a well-written character. She isn’t really a person in the books as much as she is a motivation/plot device for men around her. And this is entirely a product of JKR’s inability to write women.

Again, all of this is par for the course, and most people would agree that canon marauders-era characters are often single-note.

What feels unfair about your arguments is that fanon has added so much depth to these characters and flushed them out as real fallible humans. It’s fair to point out that fanon does this more for the men, but it feels reductive to oNLY talk about the misogyny in fandom, when canon is just as guilty by nature of the author.

On the topic of fetishizing: there’s this idea that a bunch of creepy white women are sitting at their computers writing porn about gay teenagers… when that is really a straw man argument. Maybe those people exist, and I would be more likely to believe that that’s true in the broader HP fandom… but a majority of the marauders fic authors I know (including the ones who write filthy smut) are genderqueer (transmasc esp) and are actively experimenting with their sexuality and gender. Marauders fics played a large role in my coming out as transmasc.

It’s not fetishizing if the people writing these things are closeted gay men/nonbinary people. That’s just people writing the experiences they wish they could have had.

And that’s also part of why we—I, at least— distance from canon. JKR looms over a lot. Maybe you don’t feel it, which is great! I’m very glad. But please don’t shit on people who do.

Anyway, I know this is super long and idk if you’ll even read/respond to it, but thank you if you do. If you want to engage in more discussion, I will continue to check back and DM you if you want.

Canon is superior to fanon. I do complain about people who enjoy the ships. Not only because of mistagging. Mistagging is a band-aid for the problem. It solves the immediate issue of having a fanon fandom and a canon fandom under one umbrella. That is the tip of the iceberg.

I do not want to engage in productive discourse as you put it. Not on this page. This page serves a specific purpose for me. Venting. I do not start any post with "let us discuss" or "we need to talk about". Any engagement I get is from asks like this one. People come to me to vent. It is ok.

Because it is not productive to argue about canon versus fanon. I have tried. I have failed. In this fandom it is impossible to have a good faith critique of fanon ships. Too many people treat their fanon ships as markers of their morality or personality. A good faith critique of fanon ship becomes an attack on the shipper. It goes like this:

Them: "Jegulus could be canon IF. Or Jegulus could be canon, BUT"

It is the IF/BUT that makes the discussion impossible. I do not want to talk about IF/BUT. I want to talk about what is.

OOC and canon characterisation. There are some characters that have almost nothing. Like Evan Rosier. But what we do know is he was killed by Moody. He was resisting arrest. He blew off a chunk of Moody's nose. That does not sound like a spring flower who loves justice and Muggleborns.

I am angry with newer Marauder fans because they have taken these AUs as canon. Some have not read the books by their own admission and seem to be proud of it. How do you talk about canon James Potter if you only have fanfiction? We know enough to piece together a character. We know enough that he hated dark magic, loved Lily, loved his friends. There is never ever mention of Regulus by James.

To say it again. Mistagging is the tip of the iceberg. It can solve an immediate problem. It does not solve the problem of the whole fandom. I cannot solve that. I do not pretend to try to solve that. I am incapable of solving that. I can make memes that make me laugh, make others laugh, occasionally break containment. I have been blocked by loads of accounts. I expected this and am ok with it. I have also said before I will not do this forever. I am angry and taking it out with memes. Instead of going to individual ask boxes or fics or TikTok accounts or Twitter accounts or Discord servers and harassing individuals.

I do filter. The filtering makes certain tags walls of filtered posts. If you filter wolfstar and go to the Sirius Black tag page it is mostly filtered posts. That means the tag is unusable to me.

Filtering fics. This is easy enough in theory. But fanon characterisation has become ingrained. When I filter out all the ships I do not want, I still find OOC characterisation in fics. Overly-dramatic Sirius. Alpha male Lupin. Do-no-wrong Hermione. Stupid Ron. Those are not tagged. I do the sensible thing. I click out of the fic, do not leave a hate comment, do not engage with the author or fic.

Yet I can still be frustrated and make a general meme that is not specific to an author or fic to the best of my ability. Almost everything is tagged anti marauders fandom, anti marauders fanon, or anti ship, or anti X bashing. I make it easier to filter my controversial takes. This page, one more time, is not for discussion. I open discussion with asks but it is up to the asker to discuss with me.

I will push back on your interpretation of Lily. We know more about Lily than James. You pointed out the problem. By focusing on the Marauders (men) it does breed misogyny. But we know more about the Marauders than characters like Mary Macdonald, Dorcas Meadowes, Marlene McKinnon, Hestia Jones, Emmeline Vance. If we have almost nothing for Marauders and even less for the female characters, why is fanon incapable of doing as much for them?

We cannot do anything about the internalised misogyny and transmisogyny by JKR. We can and should criticise her and her dehumanising views. It seems hypocritical to me to say "well, the author is guilty of misogyny so we should be as critical of her."

We are. The reason I push harder on fandom than on JKR is that many parts of fandom are declaring themselves morally superior, morally better, more socially progressive than JKR. Which is true in many ways. But if this is the claim, I expect more from fandom than JKR. If you know better, you do better. The Marauders fandom claims to know better. So I push harder on fandom.

It is good that the Marauders fandom encouraged you to be who you are. It is good that you felt comfortable and supported to come out as transmasc.

However we all have our echo chambers. I am guilty of it. This blog is an echo chamber often. I respond to asks like this one that are in good faith and disagree with me.

Fetishisation to me is not about writing genuine experiences or wishful thinking or wish fulfillment. It is about using an identity as an object for pleasure. Only you can decide which one is which. I have been in fandom for a long while. It is not only middle aged white women who do this. White people fetishise POC. Het people fetishise queer people. Young people fetishise. Old people fetishise. Everyone is susceptible to using another person or identity as an object for pleasure. I have seen it all over many years.

You are welcome to DM me. You are welcome to send more asks. I expect you will find my response to be insufficient or lacking. You may even block me. That is ok.

#asked #answered #anti marauders fanon #anti marauders fandom #fandom wank #fandom discourse #fandom etiquette #fandom misogyny #harry potter #fandom critical #fandom criticism #fandom culture #fandom problems

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lemonflavouredchaos · 11 months

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My Girl

(Dmitri Antonov x Reader Smut)

You shouldn't be messing with Dmitri - you know you shouldn't. He's dangerous, here in secret, hiding from his government, a little too old, and your brothers friend... he's warned you off before, but he never turns you away. And lately he's been seeking you out.

Yes it is a cheesey 'Hoppers Sister' fic, and I have no regrets because taboo 'we shouldn't be doing this' feels and needy, touch-starved, ruined Dmitri have a chokehold on my soul and libido.

Tagging @believeinthefireflies95 because they asked to tagged in Dmitri smut 😄

Originally posted by brieattea

The dress was an innocent mistake, or so you told yourself when you arrived. Light and flowy with a floral pattern, it certainly looks innocent. No one would think you wore it to drive a man mad... but most people don't know that Dmitri has a thing for sundresses. For pressing innocent, sweet women up against walls in quiet places and making them just a little less innocent.

No one, not even Hop, would have noticed the way his face changed when he saw you, because even when he's at breaking point, Dmitri Antonov has a face that could be best described as taciturn. It's in the eyes; those hooded eyes widened just a fraction when he saw you, then narrowed again, their heavy lids creasing slightly at the corners, and the right side of his lip twitched up for a second. Then he continued speaking to Ted Wheeler, but he did that sweet thing. That thing he always did when something had amused or shocked him; when he smiled, one side of his mouth turned down slightly. He licked his lips and rolled his shoulders.

You should have known how it would end when you saw that, but it was still a surprise, the way he found you at just the right moment, in just the right place and used the bulk of his body to push you against the side of the house... just out of sight.

The party doesn't stop when he buries his face in your neck and drags one of your legs up onto his hip. Anyone could walk around the corner in a second and there would be no explaining this away... somehow that makes it better,

"Dmitri," you whisper, pushing at his shoulders weakly; it's a pointless and frankly disingenuous pretence. Every time your hands slip ineffectually up onto the top of his strong shoulders, they grip him and pull him closer. You can feel him smiling against your skin, and the smugness of the curve to his mouth, more than anything else, is what makes you prolonge the lie, "we shouldn't."

"I know," he mumbles against your cheek as his lips search in the gloom, finding yours a few seconds later. His free hand comes up to hold your throat gently,

"No, we really shouldn't," you gasp, "not here."

"Then tell me to stop," he says against your mouth, free hand pushing up under the gossamer material of your dress to cup your ass while he slides one denim-clad thigh between your legs. "Go on," he pushes you, voice teasing,

"I told you-"

"You say we shouldn't," he whispers, "not that you want me to go away. Tell. Me. To. Stop." He pulls your hip, dragging you up his thigh, then pushing you back down with each word. You let your head fall back, "no?"

Perhaps its the liquor, or maybe it really is the dress, but he decides to be cruel and pulls away,

"Dmitri," you whine, seeing his teeth glint in the barely there light that seeps arund the side of the house,

"What is it, princess?" He leans in, inches from you, "you say we shouldn't," he shrugs, "so we won't." When you make a frustrated sound, he chuckles, "you want me?"

"Dmitri..."

"Dmitri," he mimics your tone, thin and high and pleading, then rubs his nose to yours, "tell me what you want."

"I..." you shake your head, making him grin,

"Ok," he says and turns away again, making it two steps before you grip his hand and drag him back,

"Please," you whisper, and this is what breaks him. He sighs,

"How can I say no to those pretty eyes, hm?" This time it's his hand that slips between your legs, pushing under your barely-there panties as he hisses through his teeth and leans down to nip the skin on your shoulder, muttering something you can't understand. Mostly, anyway. You've picked up a word or two of Russian while spending time with him, and the word 'wet' jumps out at you first. Then 'tight' - that one is branded into your mind and skin, making you blush as he curls two fingers in you. As you whine and shudder, he raises his head, craning his neck to make sure you're still alone, then pulls the neck of your dress to the side. "Feels good?" He asks,

"God yes," it's not even your voice; its high-pitched and breathy. Desperate. Shameless.

"God," he chuckles, "I'm not sure he has anything to do with this, Y/N..."

You fall apart so easily for him, shuddering around his fingers, then he nudges your legs apart and pushes between them, fumbling with his belt,

"Gentle," you whimper as he pushes into you in one hard thrust. Dmitri lowers his head to kiss your shoulder apologetically,

"Forgive me," he murmurs, "I can't think when you're so close. You turn me into an animal..." he's speaking against your skin now, between licks and kisses, "can't... fuck... can't get close enough to you. No matter how hard I try." His teeth press into the sensitive skin on your shoulder and he sucks gently,

"Dmitri... you're going to leave a mark," you whisper, unable to articulate just how bad it would be if Hopper saw a goddamn hickey, but he's mindless, rocking in and out of you so slowly that you feel like its all one motion. Constant friction. The comforting weight of his body,

"Good," he almost growls as he pulls away and covers the aching mark with the fabric of your dress before he lifts your other leg and speeds up, craning to look over towards the corner of the house again, "have to be quick," he gasps and you nod, "keep quiet, yes?" You nod again biting your lip as he speeds up, knocking the air out of you with every roll of his hips, "good girl." He almost groans, but stifles it, shuddering as he cums, then pulls away quickly, kissing you firmly, helping you to fix your dress before he deals with himself. He slips away seconds before Joyce rounds the corner,

"Y/N, hey, where've you been?" She asks, and you're glad she can't see the blush on your face,

"I went and sat in you and Hop's room for a while," you say, which is part of the truth, "needed a few moments of quiet." She takes your explanation without question,

"Well, we're bringing out a keg, come on."

It's only as you walk back into the firelight with her arm hooked through yours that you realize you're still bare beneath your dress. Are your panties on the ground back there, you wonder with a flash of panic. Dmitri smirks at you across the fire, then, seeing your look of panic, rolls his eyes and taps his left pocket.

"Fucking animal," you mouth at him when no one's paying attention, but he only smiles and raises his glass.

#enzo smut #dmitri antonov x reader #dmitri enzo antonov #stranger things #dmitri stranger things

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ghostbnuy · 2 months

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hiii so queer discourse post ahead!! im sorry if i say anything wrong please correct me if i do!! also pls read to the end if you would like to comment because its very much a "stream of thought" kinda post so i go through a few opinions before settling on anything-

saw an argument under a poll recently about how detransitioners who hadnt gone through any sort of medical transition shouldnt be allowed to call themselves trans if they had reverted to a gender that matches with their assigned sex and. honestly i feel like this is one of those admittedly rare moments where i dont really know what opinion to take? i mean i do believe that a detransitioners experience is unique so its entirely reasonable for them to identity more with a trans experience but- relating to what the argument was about- should someone born a woman be able to call themselves a trans woman if they had briefly thought they were trans then. changed their mind before having taken any steps to transition? i really really really!!! dont want to gatekeep identities, its just as people pointed out, being TOO accepting can just open up a loophope for ppl with umm. other intentions, such as chasers - which is, not that great? im just bringing this up because admittedly part of me is worried about both of these positions- one seems really gatekeepy but could also be helpful in allowing trans ppl to have a term to describe specifically themselves; while the other kind of means that the uniqueness of a trans experience is taken away if ppl can say they're trans without having ever transitioned or facing any of the experiences of trans people (dont wanna say issues because defining trans ppl by the issues they face isnt that helpful, though yes obviously those as well)

after having written this out i partially think i may have been influenced by conformity tbh (whoaa psychology reference) because like. the VAST!!! majority of the notes in that poll was that they shouldnt call themselves trans but while im here typing this out im finding myself disagreeing with that position more than not- like ultimately i feel like people should be able to use whatever labels they think fits for them as long as its genuine to their feelings at that moment, and in the cases where they're using them harmfully/disingenuously then thats like. the exception and not the rule- right?

anyway i just wanted to talk about this because talking about things helps me articulate my thoughts!! i guess i did actually end up coming to a conclusion with what i believe in the end so it worked, yippee! but if anyone wants to discuss this please feel free because i am interested in other opinions, especially those which come from experience :D

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thisiskatsblog · 6 months

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louis posting an instagram video where he mentions the paris rainbow lights fan project and shows pride flags and talks about his connection with fans etc feels like a way to appease us and is very insidious and i'm seeing him in a very different light tbh, i simply cannot forgive him for shitting all over us then trying to appease by showing pride flags and talking nice about a rainbow project it feels very disingenuous, back in 1d days these counter moves of love towards the lgbtq+ community after a denial or a shut down or whatever would feel authentic and brave but i'm seeing it from a very different perspective these days and i don't know how to feel, i'm just very much done with louis i think and as a queer fan i feel heartbroken because he used to be my home and now he's completely unrecognisable to me, oh well, things change and i hope he's happy with his 14 fans by the end of it bc he's giving us the shovel in which we bury his career, lots of people have said the chicken thing was their final straw and are leaving in droves (i'm one of them) so i wish him luck and hope all this shit was worth it for him, i have no empathy left for him and it's time to call it a day and just speak to my fandom friends and not support him directly via money social media mentions etc

(((anon))) (if you're into hugs, sounds like you needed one)

Thanks for bringing up that Instagram reel - I actually hadn't seen it in full yet, just some snippets on Tumblr here.

I don't know how much of your negative feeling towards that reel stem from the fact that you thought it was posted after Parmageddon to appease LGBTQ fans. If it makes a difference: seems that actually, the reel was posted before the Twitter chat.

I feel some thought went into it, and there’s definitely a shitload of rainbows in there, at quite interesting moments of the narrative.

I'm inclined to believe it's genuinely trying to say something, trying to express gratitude for the rainbow projects -without saying so explicitly - ok - I'll grant that - but it doesn't seem disingenuous to me.

The tweet, on the other hand, comes across as such a ridiculously far fetched comment. Why would he even bring that up?

Like I said, I cannot make much sense of one thing next to the other. I'm not even trying to anymore, to be honest.

And I do understand that this is different for you - for many people maybe. For very specific and very personal reasons that I can't really ever put the finger on, I have a strong undercurrent of (blind?) faith in Louis and the tweet didn't shake that enough for me to leave the fandom. And I fully understand that not everyone feels that way. That you can’t feel that way if you don’t have the same very personal reasons that I have.

Clearly the balance is different for you, for others, and particularly for a lot of LGBTQ+ people. The conflicting messages are confusing, they are painful, and they do lead people to believe they are safe when maybe in the end they are not. It's not a great situation. And it's totally valid, and acceptable, and healthy, perhaps, for someone to decide to leave that situation.

Sorry to see you go but I hope leaving brings relief and makes you happier.

#anons #disappointed by louis #louis doubters

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ronearoundblindly · 1 year

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Ro's Bi-Weekly Edit

January 15th - January 28th, 2023

In case you missed any of the posted fics/ficlets this week, here's a quick list with snippets of each!

Five series, mini-series, and one-shot additions for your reading pleasure.

The Root of All Ransom, Part Two, Rated Mature Ransom Drysdale x rich!Reader

The one thing Ransom is not around you is bored. There are people who try so damn hard, thinking whatever makes them likable is good, but none of it is real. At best, they turn out warped, misunderstood because no one knows fuck-all about them. Everything’s been curated. Everything’s been forced. That behavior has always been brutally obvious to him. He grew up surrounded by people faking everything about themselves, disingenuous people. Harlan is the only person who did not put on a front for him. They’re the same that way, but his grandfather allows people to play their little games in front of him, using the intrigue in his novels; Ransom simply tells people to fuck off and does whatever he wants. What occurs to Ran now is you don’t do anything for him. You don’t tailor your behavior to appeal to him in any way, and in fact, you seem to deliberately refuse to be appealing. You’re so obviously uninterested in most of the things Ransom spends his days (and nights) on that he wonders. He rethinks every encounter trying to pinpoint where something changed for you because why else would you pay him any mind whatsoever. He’s searching for warning signs that you’ve taken this the wrong way. He can’t let you expect something from him. Expectations are predictable. Predictable is boring. You are not boring.

Formation, Rated Mature/Dark Challenge Entry, Lloyd Hansen x Reader

He always desires that. It happens at different stages during the night but it always happens. Tonight is one of the rare times he starts slow. The day must have been bad. How can the day be worse when every day Lloyd lives is bad? You'll never ask though. You would never demand anything of him, not even to come. You've learned. You know better. You've been trained.

Wedding, from Book One of The Stark Legacy series Tony Stark's Daughter coming of age adventure

“Champagne?” Sam looked at him quizzically, adjusting her shawl across her shoulders and arms. “You’re old enough right?” “In several countries,” she said, “not this one.” “I won’t tell,” Tony mumbled, swiveling to grab one of the pre-poured flutes from down the bar and handed it over. His eyes flicked toward the tables. “You and that boy seem cozy.” His daughter blushed, rousing mixed feelings in Tony. Love and affection: he could remember the beginning but also the end, and now he resisted watching Sam go through the same. She didn’t take his bait. “How are Big Sam and Parker?” Tony hardly let the pour end before ripping the glass up to his lips. He tapped again. “They’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine.”

The Root of All Random, Part Three, Rated Mature Ransom Drysdale x rich!Reader

For a split second, he contemplates setting the bag on fire and returning its charred remains to you or Linda or both, but instead, he stares at the beautiful thing with narrowed eyes again. He’s such a whore for nice things; he can’t damage it. In his mind, Ransom thinks about how he’ll eventually get bored with it. The bag won’t always look shiny and new. It won’t always be top quality when newer versions come out. He’ll throw it away like all the other stuff. It’s replaceable. It’s not special. It could be one of a kind, and he should not care because it’s just a bag. He doesn’t give a shit about it. He doesn’t give a shit about anything. Then he thinks about his car. It is not new. He is not bored. He sees all the new models and fucking hates them. None are his. It’s special to him, and he knows it’s just a car. His car has never made him look bad. His car has never made him feel exposed. No one has ever looked at his car and thought “what’s a car like you doing with a guy like him” or some stupid shit because it’s just a fucking car.

Waking, from Book Two of The Stark Legacy series Tony Stark's Daughter coming of age adventure

Sam noticed a bit of formula that intrigued her. He was still trying to harness the energy of the infinity stones in a controlled environment, pairing them to be precise. The problem seemed to be what carrier mechanism to use. Bruce saw how Sam studied the screen and started to tilt the monitor away from her. “That’s not…You shouldn’t have anything to do with that—” “Ya know, if you could,” Sam interjected, looking away, fumbling with junk on the counter,, “use the mind and soul stones to recreate Vision. Aunt Wanda would love that. But he would only be a close approximation, assuming you have as much footage of his mannerisms and speech pattern. Oh, but that would be Jarvis.” Sam slipped Missy into the pile while she replaced each piece sloppily. “There is still the possibility you would generate an alternate personality, like a psychopathic robot killer, oh wait…Tony did that. Wanda may kill literally everyone if you dangled him in front of her enough.” She had to walk a fine line between irritating Bruce, but not angering him, and giving him more to think about on top of all of his current work. “Sam, how do you know anything about,” he waved his arm into the paused screen, “this?” She was no actress, but she had the brainpower to over-analyze most of her performance and correct herself. “That's why I'm here, Bruce, because I'm drowning in a bunch of information I already know, and I want, I need something new!” She removed her cap and rubbed the exposed stubble of hair in frustration, and demanded, “so for the love of all innovation, can you throw me a bone?” Sam saw a tiny light come on at the base of her tablet. Blindspot had started. Missy was in action. However, she hadn’t intentionally distracted the doctor with her itchy head.

A/N: Been a crazy couple of weeks. Fewer posts than normal but they are some chonks. Yes, 'The Root of All Ransom' is now 5 parts, up from the originally planned 3, but...no one is surprised.

See you in February!

#ro's bi weekly edit #writing wip #the root of all ransom #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale fanfiction #tony stark fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #original female character #lloyd hansen fanfiction #lloyd hansen x reader #lloyd hansen smut

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thequiver · 2 years

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I’m trying to get a friend into the arrowfam and like Ollie (or at least as much as they like Bruce which is not much). What would you say to explain why he’s great, especially in terms of him raising Roy in contrast to Bruce and Dick?

Okay so!

There’s this post from me that I feel sort of handles a fair amount of like misunderstanding of Ollie’s character. But what I really really love about Ollie, is that unlike Batman, his story is actually about being human. Ollie isn’t a human who pulls himself up to the level of gods to become their equal, he’s a man who pulls gods down to his level and demands that they recognize their own humanity.

But more generally, and for as much as I loathe Bruce Wayne, I think it’s really important to acknowledge that Ollie and Bruce come from completely different archetypes and operate in different sub genres of the larger superhero genre. They have vastly different stories, motivations, and personalities and the insistence on lumping them together based on incomplete ideas of Ollie’s character are disingenuous at best. And I even have a post on here about Ollie and Bruce’s relationship that I’m happy to dig up if you’d like it.

This being said, because they are completely different people and come from different genres the way that Ollie and Bruce tackle parenthood is also very very different.

Unless you want to to back and read Golden and Silver Age GA you’re not going to see a lot of Ollie raising Roy in the comics, and will instead sort of be relegated to flashbacks and what Ollie and Roy have to say about that period in both of their lives. But what we see in the Golden and Silver Ages and what is alluded to in later comics is that Ollie is extremely doting, he’s very protective of Roy, and even as far back as the 40s he’s hesitant to let his children be involved in the dangers of vigilantism beyond driving the car. He and Roy have an extremely close bond where they often refer to each other as close friends, and in a similar vein to Bruce and Dick’s relationship there’s acknowledgement that Roy had a father before Ollie but that the relationship they’re building is clearly that of a father and son.

In later comics as we reach Snowbirds Don’t Fly and beyond and as Ollie’s character as we know it now in the post O’Neil era solidifies we get to see something in Roy and Ollie’s relationship that’s very different from Dick and Bruce’s. And this is that Roy is allowed and encouraged to be mad at Ollie and to take that out on him. Hal and Dinah don’t the to guilt trip Roy into being the more mature one in the dynamic. Ollie, as an adult, is expected to manage his own emotions and his own reactions and when he wrongs his son (and he does) he has to earn forgiveness on Roy’s terms.

We see Ollie in the O’Neil through Grell era very much giving Roy the space he asked for, we see him still supporting his son from a distance, we see Ollie changing his thinking and growing as a person to better himself not just to earn Roy’s forgiveness but because he knows he was wrong. We see Ollie reaching out to ask Roy if they can talk things over, the relationship does not rest on Roy’s shoulders alone and Ollie is just as active in building the bond they have, and in trying to make it a healthy one. When Roy is brainwashed to kill Ollie, Ollie offers him his bow and tells him that he’s given Roy enough reason to end it if this is how he wants to- Ollie accepts any punishment Roy would give him and the two reconcile shortly before Ollie’s death.

After Ollie’s death in GA 1988 #100: Where Angels Fear to Tread, and specifically in the Arsenal Mini, Batman + Arsenal (which in of itself is also a vital read for the differences in Ollie and Bruce’s parenting with Roy and Dick, it’s one issue not a long read at all), and in Green Arrow: Quiver (GA 2001 #1-10) we really see more of Roy’s perspective on his time living with Ollie and they’re complicated feelings, but they’re also overwhelmingly positive ones.

In Roy’s recollections we see that Ollie took an extremely active role in raising Roy even before he lost his wealth when Roy was in his late teens. Roy speaks of fond memories of learning to cook with Ollie, of the two of them going camping for no reason other than they wanted to go camping together for fun, we see Roy talk about wanting to be the kind of man that Ollie taught him be could be. We see Roy sort of exemplifying that Snowbirds is an outlier in Ollie’s behavior and that it’s a mistake that he’s been forgiven for because he loves his son enough to change. We even see Roy defend Ollie against Dinah’s disgusting accusations in Quiver. It really gives us the image of Ollie being a loving but flawed man who acknowledges his flaws and changes when he’s wrong.

After Ollie’s resurrection in Green Arrow: Quiver we also see a lot of Ollie bragging about Roy, he’s incredibly proud of his son, he talks about Roy being better than him, praises him as a father and as a hero, and importantly this praise isn’t limited to times that Roy isn’t present. Ollie is continually affectionate with both his son and his granddaughter and has clearly grown to be someone that Roy trusts Lian with. Which is HUGE.

Roy and Ollie’s relationship is complex and beautiful and it’s so often oversimplified by people who don’t really care about either character. I am working on a very large meta undertaking with @batphobique and @capes-and-arrows that will sort of track the evolution of Ollie and Roy’s relationship. They’re talking pre-Snowbirds and I’m handling post-Snowbirds so that will be getting posted eventually, there’s a lot of comics to go through lol.

I will also say that analysis of Ollie’s parenting shouldn’t just be limited to Roy, much like analysis of Bruce’s parenting shouldn’t be limited to just Dick. And that Ollie’s adaptability and willingness to change to meet the needs of his children is highlighted with Connor, Mia, and Emi- and that these relationships and the way he builds these relationships really highlights the changes Ollie made to himself as a result of his mistakes with Roy, and that Roy is allowed to and is shown to have complicated feelings on that without being shown as selfish.

I’d say more on Bruce and Dick but I really do think Roy Harper said it best when he said that being Bruce’s kid was the price Dick had to pay to be a better hero but that he was glad he himself didn’t have to pay it.

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shegoesbyjoy · 11 months

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hey just wanted to let you know that zaum take you reposted comes from the overcoat who got institutionalised due to both stress of production and Roberts behaviour (& he was open about RKs influence &it was mentioned in the video in the letter robert sent and chris dismissed just not by name). so idk how much more could they open their mind on this situation really. He was not on video due to the extent of damage suffered & currently is on disability pension due to it all and that repost was the only opinion piece he shared, so idk. you had many better takes than this one is all im saying. peace xx

Hey anon thanks for your message. I find it a bit difficult to believe the OP is who you say they are after checking out the reddit profile from which it was posted, and it's OP's post that I'm specifically commenting on. (Happy to be proven wrong or given a source for what you say here though!)

In any case, I stand by what I said in my tags. But in case it wasn't clear, I do think OP brings up points worth considering. Ilmar's motivations for letting PMG have free reign on interviewing are obviously not because he believes in journalistic integrity—Ilmar clearly wouldn't have done so if he was worried it'd change the eventual outcome of the legal dispute. And yes, this video will sow public division sure, purely because we actually have more information to go off of now (a step up from the very simplistic and limited view we had before due to the sheer lack of info that wasn't just one news outlet reposting another, a tiny handful of press releases from either side, or Martin's tweets).

But where my opinion differs from OP is I do think it was valuable and important to include the perspectives of these employees, because one big aspect of this legal dispute is in fact the grounds on which Kurvitz and co were ousted. Yes, of course it doesn't have any bearing on the final ruling. And I agree that regardless of their interpersonal issues, it was wrong of the IP to be forced out of the original creators' control. Again, I'm not discounting that part. But I object to the callous attitude toward current employees even when it's clear this entire debacle has caused a lot of hurt, and OP's labeling of that entire third of the video as "fluff". To me, it is disingenuous to feel so strongly about Robert being able to get his creation back while entirely ignoring all the effort that went into said creation from the rest of the team. They deserve to be advocated for as well.

Ultimately (and this is my opinion based on what I know), it looks to me that DE was created by a bunch of artists who didn't know much about IP laws or how to protect themselves back then, who then in the ensuing years got taken advantage of by investors. And unfortunately, everyone else on the ground at ZA/UM (who weren't responsible for whatever wrongdoing occurred) got caught in the crossfire, and those people have been either harassed or in this particular case—had their struggles entirely dismissed. I don't think that's fair or kind, do you?

#answered

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hipsterarcade · 2 years

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When I attempt to post something after an extended period of time I find myself questioning every aspect of this page, from my writing style and amateurish photos down to the layout and the name. How much of who I am is in a name? I've been "HipsterArcade" for a decade now. Does one outgrow a moniker and get to change it or is it something we live with and carry with us?

This probably sounds silly as you, dear reader, understand well that I can and have changed my name with a few presses of the smartphone screen but somehow it feels disingenuous. I'm not sure I have a real point to what I've said so far except to say that I'm not sure how to identify myself anymore. Not that I've ever been too sure of that but lately I feel even less so. I find myself mentally weak. Crippled by addictive tendencies and poor impulse control. I've wasted years running the same laps on the metaphorical treadmill.

I want to revive this blog, try to post semi regularly again. I'm not sure how much of a community Tumblr has these days but I've had this account for nearly a decade and so much of who I am is embedded in this blog. So whether anyone is out there reading or not, here is my shout into the void.

Last month, in August of 2022, I bought a new camera. A Canon EOS 80D which I named Milo, a worthy upgrade to my decade old Canon Rebel T2i (aptly named Gertrude). Now I am working on learning this camera in and out and figuring out how to do new and creative things with it. For someone who has been doing photography this long, I'm pretty piss poor at it. But I'm learning and adapting and upgrading my hardware and soon I'll be trying to learn to edit. In the meantime my girlfriend has inherited Gertrude and her high school photography classes have proved to have not been a total waste as she takes some really great photos. Though I've had Gertrude for over ten years she only just yesterday took her 10,000th photo. Whereas my 80D was bought slightly used and passed 10,000 last month. I'm not sure Gertrude will ever catch up in terms of shutter count but it's always good to have a backup.

I've been in a committed relationship for nearly two years now and it is going better than any I've ever had before. I fully believe I've found the one for me and that someday I'll be calling her my wife. Sometimes I find myself wondering, though. The negative thoughts creep in.

Would she still love me if she knew the totality of who I am? Would anyone? I truly don't think so. I struggle to reconcile who I've been with who I am and who I want to be. Who I've been is most unfortunately not too different from who I am, while who I want to be is so far off it feels unattainable. Yet still I feel compelled to try. Because I'm not sure I can take another day of the mediocrity I subject myself to. I have notebooks and web pages full of ramblings just begging myself to be better than I have previously been and I continuously come up short. How much of my life will be comprised of the same pathetic plea to myself to be accountable and to be better?

There's so much I don't remember. Years of my life that I remember less than a dozen memories from. So many people I've let down by not showing up when I said I would. So many events I was supposed to be at that I instead ended up flaking on. I can't bear to think of all the people I've let down, the ones I remember and the ones I've forgotten. As I've said so many times before, I want to be more than I am. But who am I?

For now I am Ryan. AKA HipsterArcade, and tomorrow, September 12th starts my journey. Who knows who I'll be at the end of this. Still Ryan, of course. Too much hassle and paper work to change that at this point. But maybe my URL will be different. And maybe, just maybe, somewhere in my core I'll be different too.

I hope so.

#photography #personal #prose

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saucylittlesmile · 2 years

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To engage with VM at all is to navigate how to respond to the (publicly) unaddressed tensions and them seeming to be so close for a long time and then going their separate ways under more difficult or at the very least somewhat tense circumstances. You have to admit there was a good long stretch in 2019 when they did not show their previous comfort level with each other. We're not entitled to know more than they choose to share, but I can see both why they would present a united front in public and why people who follow them would feel the dissonance between what they were saying and how they were behaving. And in real life, when someone tells you one thing but behaves in a way or shows cues that tell you something else, it's normal and actually wise to question it. That doesn't mean it's respectful or ok to shit on everything they say, but it makes sense that the suspicion would remain for many people. Saying get over it, or why are you here without acknowledging what came before is negating that gut instinct, and I think it's healthy for women particularly to cultivate and listen to that instinct because it's so often gaslighted out of us.

Mmmm… if these were people who were actually in your life in a personal way, sure. But we don’t know them personally. They are semi-famous people who choose what to publicly share about their lives and their careers and, yes, to a certain extent, put themselves out there into the judging public eye. But that doesn’t mean that they owe us details or information or to be completely transparent. That doesn’t mean that we get to demand that they act as though we are their friends or their family or their therapist and are privy to the intimate parts of their minds and hearts. We are strangers, with a weirdly high amount of superficial information about them.

And while there has been, for as long as I have been a part of this fandom, a surprising amount of rampant speculation about their lives, it never bothered me so much as it did post-2018 Olympics. The speculation and assumptions that have been made by this fandom and turned into ’reality’ without proof in any way, and then used as weapons against them? The harassment and stalking of people who are connected to them? For people who still remain to almost exclusively find ways to tear them down, to mock, to speculate even further based on things that were all speculative to begin with? Yeah, I’ll keep saying, move on. You think they’re being disingenuous because they’re not talking about the ways in which their relation has changed and why that is, and instead focussing on the ways in which their partnership worked? Okay, then stop listening. They’re not people actually in our lives, they’re people doing talks that you have to seek out to hear.

They don’t owe you their personal choices, and you don’t owe them an audience.

#‘you’ meaning generic overall rather than specifically you #ask

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akwardlyuncool · 3 months

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Class Favorites: Movie Ranks! (Part 1)

This is a ranking of all the movies I saw for the first time in 2023. Since the writers and actors were on strike for a good chunk of he year, I only did one full length movie review in 2023. I was also a little burnt out from the last few years where I "made" myself write full reviews for almost every new movie I watched, so I took the strike as my okay to for the most partjust consume.

That freedom led me to watching 40+ "new" movies this year and I wanted to just come rank and rant at you for a minute. And thanks to very short mostly 1 lines on Letterboxed I don't have to rack my brain too hard. I will say though before we get too deep into the explainers, just know that a lot of how I ranked these films is based on re-watch-ability, so don't get mad that some of the better made films fell shorter than you'd like.

I decided to break it into 2 parts cause the post would be too long otherwise.

PS: Not in backwards order cause I can't be bothered.

1) Can't Hardly Wait (1998)

Let's wait 4 years to tell the girl you're in love with, that you love her, while the grad party before the rest of your lives takes place.

I know I'm behind on this one, but I made it and we're it's supposed to be lol. Yes, there are movies that I ranked higher than this one because they were probably just better overall movies, however good or decent 90's always shows my bias. But also Ethan Embry 😍. Can't Hardly Wait just fits with all the other classics of it's time and I think that's what ultimately does it justice. Obviously it didn't age great, I'm acknowledging it's faults, but neither did some of its peers and knowing where it came from we're letting that part slide. It is what it is with this one, sorry not sorry.

2) Alabama Moon (2009)

*Based on a book of the same name by Key Watt. Your father doesn't trust the rest of the world, so you learn to not trust it either and now that he's gone you have learn how to survive in the world outside of your woods.

Not 100% but I'm pretty sure this movie made me cry and that's partly why it made it to the top of the list. I'm a sucker for a spunky "family" movie and this one just tugged at me. There were some parts where it was a little silly in the "bad guy" area and I also called the ending "disingenuous" but all that aside, I was here for everything else. I probably liked it more than most but again I'm a sucker for a lot of this ish and it wasn't bad by my standards. It also does a little ACAB, which doesn't hurt lol.

3) Are You There God? It's Me Margaret. (2023)

*Based on a book of the same name by Judy Blume. When changes arise in Margaret's life, she starts talking to God to see if she can find the answers.

I read the book several years ago and had planned to re-read it before watching the movie, but didn't get around to doing that, so I can't remember if it was accurate to the source material or not, so going beyond that, I can say that I liked it. I liked how awkward and coming-of-age it was. I like the questioning and I liked all the prayer for the big and the small, to the silly and the honest. I also really loved the parents relationship, they were just super cute. There was a bit of confusion at the end with my understanding of the conclusions Margaret came to, however setting that aside, it was still rather sweet and would totally recommend to the young and the old.

4) Leap Year (2010)

When another year passes and your boyfriend has not proposed to you, you're obligated to take matters into your own hands and do the proposing yourself. Obviously like all romantic comedies, accidents will happen along the way.

Another one I'm late on, but y'all that was actually rather cute. It's one of those ones where you're not sure in the beginning and then it does the thing and drops the feels and you can't deny the fact that it did what it said it was going to do. It's a 2010 rom-com and I think it did that era justice.

5) A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints (2006)

*Based on an autobiographical book of the same name by Dito Montiel. Dito returns home after his mother's request because his father is sick and relives why he left in the first place. A bunch of kids who don't have much, but are fighting for what little they do have.

I thought this was a very decent movie. It kept me engaged and the acting was good. Now I never want to hear Channing Tatum shout racial and homophobic slurs ever again, but outside of that, for those into raw indie movies I think you'll like this one. It's good outweighs the bad. I'm not sure but I might have also cried a little during this one too. All I know is that it dug a little bit and that was enough for me. This is also one of the lesser known films for this cast, but worth the watch cause they got some strong folks in here and I don't think they'll disappoint you.

6) Runt (2018/2021)

When you're bullied, eventually, sometimes you fight back. TW: For violence, sexual violence and animal abuse.

I had a little moment of Cameron Boyce movies this year and of the few that I saw, Runt was the best one. This was his last movie before his passing and I could for sure see why people liked him so much. Cameron pulls you in and is so likeable. I know Cameron Boyce being in it wasn't enough for everybody, so do with that information what you will. Now beyond Boyce, this movie could have been better and more fleshed out, but I was for sure engaged in what I was watching and that was good enough on my end.

7) Mystery, Alaska (1999)

A small town in Alaska bets it's home town heroes against the New York Rangers.

I've watched the trailer for this movie in front of several VHS tapes for most of my life and because of that it was always on my to-watch list. Several years ago I found a sealed VHS copy and this year I finally unsealed the thing, because #NoSealedTapes. One thing to know about me is that I'm not big on sports unless you put it in a movie and preferably in the family movie era of the 80's, 90's and mid 2000's. So did it live up to the hype? Only once you take away the misogyny and leave the hockey and the underdog tale. Despite it's faults it did alright and plus I saw so much "crap" this year, that I'd take a few 90's misogynistic comments over some of the other, way more offensive things I consumed this year lol.

It also won me over because they were correcting people on not using the slur for Inuit people back before I knew it was even a slur. Like folks been tryin to tell us.

8) A Look Back: Dog Town & Z-Boys (2021)

A short documentary follow-up to the original documentary Dog Town and Z-Boys and it's impact.

This didn't rank higher mainly because it was less than a half an hour long. I love the original documentary and this addition brought attention to some of the things that I wondered about after seeing the full documentary, like the lack of girl skaters that were highlighted, so it just furthered the love. When the people involved also see falls and aren't denying them, I say that's a little stand-up-y and I support it. Now could they have just done better the first time, absolutely, but it is what it is. I also watched this during a re-watch of the Hollywood film which sparked me to watch other little skating docs on YouTube and I just gotta say, man do I love skateboarding culture!

9) Ashby (2015)

Ed Wallis has the high school assignment of interviewing an older person, so he chooses his ex CIA neighbor (didn't know that at the time) and stuff goes down.

I watched this on YouTube one night and it wasn't a waste of time. I gave a lot of 3 stars this year and this one truly was decent. It might have been a little far fetched in some places, but it really tried and I enjoyed it. Also father figures are all around us.

10) Keith (2008)

Popular vs unpopular, smart vs slacker. Rich vs poor. Let's pick on you because we like you. I just want to save you, but I don't know what from. A tale as old as time.

I thought I'd seen this one before, but apparently I hadn't. Well I've seen other iterations of the same story before, but no I had not seen Keith in particular. Yes there are so many other movies that tell the same tale, and came before and after this one, however as long as it makes an attempt at being decent I'm gonna watch it. Of course it does the feel-y thing and makes you root for the underdogs. It also gives does the thing where we want to chuck the current ideas about our future away. Oh and you're always saving someone lol. Essentially there have been plenty of movies post 2010 that do the same thing (I counted 6 in under a minute) and we've never turned away, so if you watched and remotely liked any of the "new" guys, you'll most likely enjoy the older stuff.

PS: I kept it a little vague only because I didn't want to spoil a big plot in the movie and the thing that makes it a common theme in teen movies today.

11) Blind Dating (2006)

Let's get literal and take a Blind man on blind dates. The dates aren't good, but that doesn't mean his hunt for love is over.

I'm not saying that the representation wasn't iffy or that it's not filled with ableism, but I can say that in the problematic era of 2006, I thought this romantic comedy was cute. There are better made movies, even on this list, but when I think about what would get the easiest of re-watches, this beat out a lot of the other ones. Sorry.

12) Whiplash (2014)

Andrew wants to be a drummer and he wants to learn from the best, but at what cost.

Obviously this was a prime example of a better made movie than some of the other films that proceeded it, however it didn't hit as hard as I would have liked it to. The day I watched it, there was a lot physically going on in the room, people moving in and out, talking about the movie, not about the movie, and that most likely soiled the viewing experience. Now I think it probably just needs a solid less-distraction filled re-watch because it was good in all of it's depiction of toxicity, it just didn't get a fair shot. Also I like the roles Miles Teller plays and he also needs more of a fair chance with this one.

13) Eagle Eye (2008)

The supposed sins of your identical twin brother get you mixed up with the Feds and a woman who you've never met, so now youre tied to her and his past, because of an all seeing AI woman.

This was my distraction movie the night that I watched it and I had been avoiding it because I knew that I didn't want to watch a military/war movie with everything going on, but somehow it's what I ended up choosing. The acting was good and the running and the car chases do keep one entertained, but not a movie I'd suggest you watch at this time, again with everything going on.

This was also another Cameron Boyce movie I knocked off this year. He's not the main character, like we don't see him a ton, but he was there so it counts lol and he did well.

14) Abducted: The Carlina White Story (2012)

*Based on a true story. Carlina was abducted as a baby and now as an adult finds out she might be a missing person and the woman who raised her isn't telling the truth.

First we support Keke Palmer in this house! Now that that's been addressed let's talk Lifetime/Straight to DVD Movies and how they're all rated on a curve. Even when these movies aren't that good, they keep me interested and I will always come back for more and that's how I watched 9 or so of them this year. The Carlina White Story was definitely the best one that I saw though. I gave it a three because it was decent and I enjoyed the performances. Obviously there was also conversation at my screen, which always helps these films. Yelling at the screen is half the fun. Although based on a true story, remember this is Hollywood and Lifetime, so do with that what you will.

15) Fun Sized (2012)

Change of plans, you can't go to the party you were invited to by your hot crush, because you now have to take your little brother out trick or treating and spend the night in charge of him. But hey, what could go wrong.

This was Nickelodeon/Paramount's take on the semi-raunchy teen party movie. I thought I had seen it before, but apparently I hadn't and I'll say that I didn't hate it. I think it would have given me more post high school feels of nostalgia had I actually watched it in 2012 and then did a re-watch now, but with the formula being mostly fill in the blank you're gonna get some of them regardless. Now although it was the funniest part of the whole movie and the part that isn't okay in real life, like don't do that ish, was taking an 8 year old to do illegal stuff, as a sad adult. I laughed, but again don't do that. Also I hope the kid who dressed up as Aaron Burr got to see Hamilton a few years later lol. It's another teen party rom-com in the list of other teen party rom-com's, so if that's your thing just go with with it.

I feel like any time I watch a Thomas Mann movie, I have to watch multiple, so I ended up watching 3 this year and this was my favorite.

16) Unaccompanied Minors (2006)

Stranded at the airport during the holidays, the kids who were riding solo decide to make friends with one another and mischief ensues.

Unaccompanied Minors is basically The Breakfast Club meets Home Alone, if both were set at the airport. It wasn't bad... It's a family movie with Grinch-type adults and kids who's goal is to be happy. If that's not your thing, I get it, but for those who do enjoy one of these films every now and again, you're gonna have a decent time.

17) The Pact (1999)

A teenage boy witnesses the murder of his parents and now must go into hiding. While in witness protection he makes a friend, but will his secret be kept for long.

I picked this tape up one day at the thrift store because it had Rider Strong in it. I thought it was going to be way more thriller-y and just overall hit harder, to the point where I thought it would trigger my anxiety, however it fell a little short of that expectation. I still gave it 3 stars for doing what it did, but it wasn't something I needed to be truly nervous about lol. The punch just really didn't hit hard enough.

18) Fight Club (1999)

*Based on the book of the same name by Chuck Palahnuiuk. I can't really talk about what Fight Club is actually about, so I'm just gonna talk about the vibes and some takeaways.

My nephew said this was his favorite movie, so I went and bought a VHS copy for him and we watched it one day. Now the reason that this movie is this far down is simply because I had so many thoughts after watching the movie but I still don't know what I was supposed to get out of it. What is the moral, what are we supposed to gain?

I read somewhere that if Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt's character) is your favorite character, like you want to be him, that's a red flag and I agree. You should not want to be him and if you do, seek help lol. The other red flag for me was the fact that in a section in the movie, I could potentially see how some men are convinced to join that alt-right and even hella far-right pipeline in the real world and it gave me all of the heebie-jeebies.

David Fincher who also directed The Panic Room, which I absolutely love, makes intense movies and Fight Club was no different, so it's not the fact that the movie wasn't made well, just that I was so uncomfortable and confused at times, that I don't know when I will ever subject myself to another watch. Not saying I'll never watch it again, I kinda even want to read the book with my nephew which is supposedly worse, just that it's gon be a minute, a very long minute lol.

19) Fifteen And Pregnant (1998)

* Based on a true story. When Tina Spangler gets pregnant at 14, she starts to realize that not everyone is gonna stick around and how much she actually has to show up in the world.

Again Lifetime movies are graded on a curve, so based on on that criteria alone, it was okay. That being said the movie was hella religiously conservative coded in terms of teen pregnancy and just like sex in general. I felt like it wanted to do sex education, but didn't lean hard enough into that desire because of how coded it was and that's what ultimately failed the telling of this story.

Also yes Tina is more than a little bit selfish. Not in the getting pregnant part, but in a lot of her attitude and the way she moves afterwards.

20) Emily & Tim (2015)

Emily and Tim's romantic relationship is being told through 6 acts with different actors representing their different stages, as well as different time periods.

The cast across the board is very wonderful and the movie itself had an interesting set up, but at the end of the day it was just alright. I think I had started this movie once before, but it didn't keep me engaged enough to see it through. This time however I pushed, probably in a few sessions for that same reason but I got to the end and that's the win here. This set up and the charm the movie does have, will definitely win some people over and if that's your thing, enjoy.

If you made it this far and are still into it, come back for part 2 as I finish out the rest of the movie rankings. Spoiler alert I watched one of the absolute worst movies in 2023 and now have 2 movies on my worst movies of all time list.

There's also more ACF 23 content to come, so be on the look out for that too.

#Class Favorites 2023 #AKWARD CLASS FAVORITES #Movies #Can't Hardly Wait #Leap Year #Fight Club #Whiplash #Runt #Mystery Alaska #Are You There God? It's Me Margaret #Thomas Mann #Cameron Boyce #Movie Reviews

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starmansymphony · 1 year

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saw a post abt found family on my dash and it instantly unlocked Thoughts™ so i'm gonna ramble under a read more. thoughts will be both discussion of points brought up in the post and my own thoughts unrelated to it.

(i should also note that i don't hate the post, i do think it brings up some good points, but i don't think i fully see eye to eye with it and reblogging it would feel disingenuous to my own feelings. also i don't think it would be fair to op to reblog it JUST to make counterpoints and observations in the tags. i'm not even sure if all my thoughts would fit in the tag + character limit.)

i'm not trying to defend the western status quo of what a family is here, but if you say family, then lots of people are going to think about a nuclear family first and categorise characters accordingly. that's just how many societies teach shit to people. not saying it's good, but it is how it is. and i doubt that that's going to change anytime soon.

on that note, of COURSE people who sees characters having a parent/child or sibling dynamic are going to get defensive when someone else ships them. that's kind of just common sense??? hell, it's not the exact same but i get weird seeing certain characters shipped if i hc them as aro hard enough. i don't tell people to stop having their own headcanons, though, that's just weird.

although i do think op brings up a good point with their specification of unrelated mature adults, like people get into relationships others many years older/younger than them irl heaps and as long as they're both mature then that's fine. eg a 30 y/o and a 50 y/o getting together is fine.

also i do think that claiming it would be incestuous when the characters are unrelated is going a bit far. and i'm sure op's seen it happen, i can feel it in my bones.

ALTHOUGH. (this is the unrelated-to-the-post thoughts part)

i've never really, truly understood the hype around found family as a concept? and as bizarre as it may sound, i think it's because i have a stable, loving family (and probably the autism as well but mainly the stable family).

i've never even understood the hype around nuclear families. not in a "this is what you should aim for in life" way in this context, but in a "having a family is the greatest and you should love your family" way. like, to me, a family is just either 1; the people you're related to and you kinda just hang out with them i guess, or 2; the people you really really like and care about and you hang out with them.

so when you go to found family, which is meant to reject traditional family roles, i simply?? cannot compute how it's a family??? like a family, to me in my mind, at bare minimum, is siblings. if there aren't even siblings then wouldn't it just be a really close friend group at that point??? and i know this is a case of letting people label their relationships however they want and i should really just shut up and keep my nose out of other peoples' business, but i simply. cannot understand. and maybe it's just past midnight but i don't think i ever will. and i do feel like i'm missing out on something by not understanding why found family is so important to people. why it's so important to my friends.

i will stop here before this becomes about non-romantic love in general. goodbye.

#ventish #<- for that reason i've turned reblogs off #larimar says

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tahitianmangoes · 2 years

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A long, rambling non-fandom post about loneliness

So I've been using Bumble BFF (like bumble for dating but for friends) for around 3 months now and it's really not great.

I thought it would be a good idea to meet new people in my area because making friends as an adult is seriously hard. Pretty much everyone at work is older than me and while I don't mind having older friends, they're very different to me - mainly cishet white ladies who are married with kids. And as much as articles and blogs about making friends as an adult will tell you to just "put yourself out there", a) it's not that easy, esp during a pandemic and b) it's not normal. I can't just strike up conversation with someone at the gym because not only is that annoying, it can be taken the wrong way (ie people think I'm hitting on them) and just come off as plain weird. People don't really just strike up conversation with strangers here and if it does happen, you're spending the entire conversation wondering when this weirdo is going to leave you alone. I also think people can sense desperation. Clinging onto a new, potential friend too tightly can also drive them away because it freaks them out. Being too available, too happy to do this and that for people... It reminds me of some cringey times I had at uni when I was just trying so hard to connect with people that I ended up pushing them away because it made them feel uncomfortable. I think I do it to the majority of people, whether they be real life friends or online. It led me to start thinking maybe I'm just better off alone.

I decided to use Bumble BFF after seeing an ad for it but it just ends up with me matching with people, playing messaging ping pong with them for a bit until one of us forgets or gets busy and then that's the end of that. A couple people added me on What's App but one just messages me about Kpop stuff (as we're both into Kpop) and doesn't seem to have any intention of meeting up and the other ghosted me. I've also ran into some transphobic profiles too which is not encouraging. I actually had the premium account for a while as it was on a discount and found the experience to be better despite not meeting anyone in person as now I think I'm shown less profiles and I also can't filter people anymore. I just assumed that people using an app to get new friends would be more interested in... making friends? Maybe I'm wrong. Some people just seem to want to grow their social media followings, find travel/gig companions, housemates and unfortunately lots of the men seem to be using the friend app disingenuously.

All of this to say, I'm still super lonely and haven't made a friend since downloading the app.

So I took a step back. My therapist said that maybe it's hard for me to make friends when I'm working on myself, which I can understand. Although I started therapy and I've started taking meds, it's only the beginning of my journey. So I was excited when an acquaintance of mine messaged me following a post I made on IG during pride month about being nb/trans. I've never "come out" publicly as I feel it's not important. They are also trans and suggested we hang out sometime. I gave them my availability and that was 2 weeks ago. The message is marked as seen and they've just not replied. Maybe I should have known as they tried to organise a hang out between us before which never happened either so maybe they're just majorly flaky but I can't help but take it to heart. I've really wanted more trans and nonbinary friends but finding them is just so hard, especially ones more my age.

I had told my therapist about all of this, saying that once I had stopped looking for friends, this person came to me and wanted to hang. But that turned out not to be true. And now suddenly I feel like that person all those years ago at uni, stretching myself, changing myself, doing whatever it took just to get someone to come back to my flat and watch stupid movies with me and hang out like normal people do. And even now, years on, I'm still being rejected and ghosted. I still can't make people stay.

I'd never voiced that I was lonely until I spoke to my therapist. It feels so stupid. People my age shouldn't be lonely, I should have an army of pals that I go on nights out with, to festivals with, on holiday with. But the truth is I have 1 friend and although I love her, our relationship was built on toxic foundations and now I've been having therapy and thinking more about the past, I can see that they abused me when I was super vulnerable. Sure, people grow and change and I have no doubt that she has in the 10 years I've known her but I feel a certain way about what happened and what she did and feel like new relationships might be better for me.

So I guess I'll continue matching with people on Bumble BFF and never hanging out with them, I'll keep scouring local meet up boards to see if I can pluck up the courage to go to something and keep trying to find trans/non binary events in my city.

Years ago, when I was a teen, I went through this weird phase of being obsessed with Sex and the City. In the movie on New Year's Eve, Carrie goes across New York to Miranda who's moved to Brooklyn and is spending the New Year alone because her ex has their kid that weekend. Carrie turns up on the doorstep with takeout and they spend New Year together. For some reason, I have that imagine in my head of friendship. I know it's unrealistic, movies aren't realistic but one day it'd be great to find the Carrie to my Miranda.

#rambling #loneliness #lonely

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preemshots · 3 years

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the definitive post of WHERE IN THE WORLD IS JOHNNY SILVERHAND’S BODY?

AKA the post of HERE’S WHY I WANT TO BELIEVE WE ARE GONNA GET JOHNNY’S BODY BACK IN DLC.

buckle up, gamers. it's time for some lore. this is a very long post.

warning: this will contain a million spoilers. both for details of multiple game endings, a wee bit of the “where’s johnny” comic, and the cyberpunk RED book. if you want a sparknotes version this is the post for you. my main source here is the cyberpunk RED book as well as as some references to the cyberpunk 2077 world book to cross examine the lore.

i have no idea if someone has made this post before or what anybody else has been finding in their own lore diving. this is just me documenting my own findings from the sources i’ve been using.

it would be disingenuous not to preface this with the ways in which cyberpunk 2077's telling of the arasaka assault differ from the version told in the TTRPG books. the books =/= the game. pondsmith acknowledges in the intro of RED that this is a bridge between the old cyberpunk world and the new world of cyberpunk 2077.

we also know that johnny's an unreliable narrator and his memories presented to V are often different than real events. but on top of that we don't know if the reason why many elements are changed is simply CDPR editing/adjusting/condensing the storyline for their own canon, or if it's due to johnny's construct being manipulated by outside influences such as arasaka.

some of the main differences you need to know from cyberpunk RED canon:

in 2023 johnny doesn't bring the nukes to arasaka tower. he's solely there to free alt.

johnny and rogue and their team from the atlantis/the aldecaldos are actually hired by morgan blackhand.

morgan blackhand is the one who plants the nuke, unbeknownst to many members of the team.

morgan blackhand promptly disappears after this event and no one knows if he's alive or dead. (claire confirms this fact to jackie and v before the heist in 2077 canon)

johnny's silver cybernetic arm is its own character, separate from himself. it seems to have a mind of its own and johnny interacts with it and/or is influenced by it.

when he, spider murphy, rogue, thompson, shaitan, and a team of los lobos from the aldecaldos (who are there in place of santiago, as he’s busy as the leader of the aldecaldos at this point) are attacked by adam smasher, johnny and his arm actively choose to draw smasher's fire in a deliberately suicidal move. smasher downs him instantly, but the distraction is enough to also save his friends.

spider murphy shoves a mysterious chip in johnny's dying head as they escape that alt had downloaded to her a long time ago.

johnny's body is later "rumoured" to have been retrieved from the rubble by a full-body borg groupie that was a first responder to the ground zero of AHQ and then hidden away in a nearby garage.

here comes the political lore that makes my eyes cross, so hopefully this accurately summarizes it: the 4th corporate war begins to end. arasaka is ultimately blamed by the NUSA government to have nuked themselves in a political move to protect their secrets and promptly banished from the USA. arasaka denies this all the way back to japan, then eventually returns to “liberate” night city in the unification wars.

but what the public doesn't know is that kei, saburo's oldest son, had actually hidden an EVEN BIGGER MORE DEVASTATING NUKE at the bottom of the tower to, well, do exactly what they were being accused of doing, even though blackhand was the one who actually dropped the smaller nuke on them. and luckily the bigger one didn’t go off.

arasaka tries to find their nuke in the rubble so they don't get in even bigger trouble, only to discover that it was moved and hidden away to... surprise! a nearby garage.

to compare with 2077:

in RED: we have no johnny loading the nukes into the elevator. no johnny being carried off the premises. no meeting saburo. no johnny getting soulkilled.

in 2077: there's a parallel moment to RED's version of events right after johnny uploads "liberator" from alt's old cyberdeck with spider's help into the arasaka mainframe in saburo's office. adam smasher comes for him as he's trying to escape, knocking him off the second floor of the atrium into the rock garden below.

visually this is the same atrium we always meet alt in in cyberspace and also where V meets johnny for the first time. hmmm. meaningful, perhaps.

not unlike what happens in RED, johnny unloads a clip into smasher at that point, but from there the scene instantly cuts to him running to the roof attempting to board the AV with rogue, where smasher shoots him down again. it’s possible johnny actually died to smasher in the atrium and we have some fabricated memories going on.

either way, in 2077, we lose the character beat of johnny dying for his friends, and the current-day general consensus from rogue and others is that he’s perpetually a selfish asshole with ulterior motives.

and, just to wrap up the politics of it all: morgan blackhand is rumoured to have been secretly hired by the militech-backed NUSA government to help end the 4th corporate war by... you guessed it! nuking arasaka.

HERE'S WHERE JOHNNY'S BODY ENDS UP IN CYBERPUNK RED (SPARKNOTES VERSION):

RED ends with a story called "black dog" set in 2045. black dog is the last song johnny recorded right before the assault on arasaka tower, but the final copy is a bootleg copy of the song and only a fraction.

we're introduced to a fun group of cybernetic-enhanced characters that represent the classes in the TTRPG and based on/designed by real people in collaboration with CDPR.

this group includes trace santiago, santiago's son, who is a media that is curious about the mystery surrounding the circumstances around his father and the arasaka bombing.

just connecting lore here: if you talk to saul at the aldecaldo camp in 2077, he confirms that santiago was killed for his involvement with johnny and the bombing, something that rogue and johnny reference when they talk about their now-dead crew from the afterlife, and in chippin in, santiago is a friend that johnny lists as someone he had disappointed.

the group sets off to find any info about black dog, and meet up with a full conversion chrome woman named samantha in a garage who is blatantly a johnny silverhand fangirl. trace discovers she has a history with johnny, having rescued him from a studio fire at some point in 2015 and speculates she could have been a groupie also.

she mysteriously has a more complete recording of black dog, though not perfect, and offers to trade it for a service: she wants the group to transport a large crate to a facility in new mexico, asking them not to open it.

shit goes down. evidently everyone in night city wants to kill them for this package once it starts moving. eventually they open it. it's the arasaka nuke that had been hidden and never went off, emblazoned with warnings.

trace inquires about the circumstances surrounding the arasaka assault with an older member of the lobos who had been present with rogue and johnny. the man mentions that it was weird, because morgan blackhand organized the whole thing and then ran off immediately with a mysterious bag that we now know contained the nuke.

michiko arasaka intercepts the gang, explaining the situation around the bigger nuke, that other factions in arasaka want to utilize it for their own goals (presumably hanako and yorinobu) and her father's legacy, that she feels responsible for. she escorts them to new mexico so that the nuke can be dismantled once and for all.

they meet up with a woman named angel in new mexico that takes the crate from them, at a facility that specializes in nuclear material. she gives the group the full recording of "black dog". the group leaves successful.

this woman is also a johnny silverhand stan. once alone, she calls up samantha, who says, "i promised i would get him to you in the end" and reveals that she had already gutted/dismantled the original nuke and discarded the material into the bay.

angel opens the "nuke" to reveal a hidden cryochamber, and greets the face of the person inside with, "hello, my love."

i mean, holy shit. okay! so that’s DEFINITELY johnny’s body. cool!

now let’s go into all the references to this story in the actual game of cyberpunk 2077 that SUGGEST we are going to pursue this story AND johnny's body since it’s such a HOT FUCKING TOPIC.

and i know many of the following can just be considered easter eggs. but my personal interpretation of this game is that it has a really delightful way of intentionally glossing over important story details—and not by ONLY putting them in shards (which people tend to dislike because lol reading) but by also hiding them in plain sight, constantly deferring to V's own ignorance, distracting us with shallower, shinier things, encouraging us to actually play as the fool hero of this story.

so here's the fun list of “””evidence”””:

this one’s a reach, but fun. in the initial arasaka assault flashback in 2023: we can interact with the groupies at kerry's show as johnny. samantha doesn't appear to be present, but the first person and groupie you can encounter in the flashback has a passing resemblance to angel in that she has a cybernetic arm.

in chippin' in, where we go to johnny's "grave" in the oil fields: if we are to take the 2077 retelling of events as truth, the story could instead be pretty easily be changed that samantha procured his body from there.

mike pondsmith, who wrote these stories and created the TTRPG can be heard on the radio narrating various conspiracy theories. and sure, these can just be easter eggs, intended to reference the differences between the TTRPG lore and the game, so take it with a grain of salt:

johnny. bro. tell him it was morgan blackhand

to top it all off, mike also directly references the actual WORSE nuke arasaka had hid in another arasaka conspiracy:

SPOILERS FOR GAME ENDINGS AHEAD.

in the rogue ending of the game we discover rogue has a son. it's possible her son is trace (edit: nvm NOT LIKELY, since in RED’s black dog story rogue is listed separately from santiago’s mom in conversation) OR possibly one of the other characters. she tells her son to "pull over and look at the stars" or something along those lines. maybe just details, so that screams nomad to me.

rogue also has a photo of herself and johnny with mike pondsmith in her apartment/office in the afterlife. i initially read this as a delightful cameo but it also can mean mike the CHARACTER knew johnny and rogue, and rogue therefore has some kind of relationship to him and these conspiracies on the radio. and why the fuck not make him a full on character? we have a smattering of streamers and personalities already integrated into quests in the game. the creator of all this should be no exception. fuck it!

rogue and johnny constantly dance around this accusation of her “selling out”. it’s repeated over and over that she and adam smasher worked for "the same people". i'm beginning to wonder if this wasn't meant to imply only arasaka since smasher mysteriously disappeared after the AHQ assault in 2023 and returned to SOMETIMES take jobs from arasaka... but possibly morgan blackhand and/or by extension, the NUSA or any other greater influences. (like nightcorp? we still don’t know where all this shit with nightcorp/the peralezes/sandra dorsett’s discovery about their research into mind control is gonna go) this also doesn’t account for the multiple factions inside arasaka with VERY different motives.

morgan blackhand and adam smasher are rivals in the TTRPG, a role that appears to be at least partially filled by johnny instead in 2077. in relation to the arasaka factions, it’s worth nothing that smasher specifically works for yorinobu as his bodyguard at the beginning of the game, in part i assume because yorinobu is avoiding working with arasaka security details as he stole the relic and is plotting against his father. he is then promoted to head of security by yorinobu when yorinobu assumes power.

in the ending as you work your way through arasaka tower with rogue and shaitan and johnny, rogue remarks:

michiko at this point in 2077 is the leader of the more “liberal” faction within arasaka, so it’s possible we’re seeing that while rogue and smasher work for the same people/family, they couldn’t be more different.

you can also encounter rogue more than once on the phone fighting with wakako, who has apparently crossed her. wakako also seems to have her own ulterior motives and works mainly with the arasaka-backed tyger claws. she notably gives v/takemura the parade security info for “play it safe” without asking for anything in return, enabling hanako’s kidnapping. my theory is that yorinobu intentionally leaked the parade info to her to give away to put hanako in danger or at least continue to destabilize arasaka.

in the takemura/devil ending of the game, there is a point where violence breaks out at the arasaka board room meeting when yorinobu-allied security open fire on them. one of the only people that survives along with hanako is michiko arasaka, who was at odds with hanako’s decisions, but very involved in the preceding discussion.

and now for is my favorite detail! in the afterlife AT ALL POINTS IN THE GAME (but it can only really be inspected in the rogue ending when we are allowed behind the bar), we can find a photo of the squad that transported johnny's body from samantha to angel on the shelf below johnny's tequila, of them hanging out in front of the afterlife sign:

this implies rogue has some relationship with them, and sentimentality, if we're to judge by the placement. she maybe even took the picture. i don't know, it's charming, it could be all easter eggs. who fucking knows.

either way, rogue and these kids both have in common that they worked with or at least interacted with michiko arasaka.

and you know what my final evidence is? more wishful thinking! black dog plays on the radio in game. we got a full recorded version of it by refused. if not an oversight, i go ahead and take it to mean the final version was finally released to the public by those kids that were looking for it.

i haven’t the slightest idea how this is gonna wrap up in future DLC. who has johnny’s body now in 2077, decades after it was dropped off in mexico? what is the truth?? where the fuck is morgan blackhand?? from the devil ending, we know that arasaka stole jackie’s body and put his soul into mikoshi, so the idea that they would just toss johnny’s corpse has always been laughable. the “where’s johnny?” promotional comic was even about thompson unsuccessfully trying to find johnny’s body. i know i am biased here but i cannot fathom all this talk about johnny’s body ending off with us NOT finding it, whether it’s just to bury it, shove johnny’s engram back in it, make out with it, or WHATEVER.

if you made it through this slog, congrats. thanks for reading!

#cyberpunk lore #johnny silverhand #spoilers #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk game #lore post

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