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discotreque · 3 years

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LwD 2.05: An Embarrassment of Dooplers

So I was a little nervous about this one! I hadn’t heard any spoiler-spoilers, but screeners have been out for weeks now, and I’d heard a bunch of individual, vague, non-spoilery hints about (1) big character moments, on the scale of a mid-season finale even though the show’s not taking a mid-season break; and (2) an ending that would make me cry.

I guess I imagined something relatively serious and dramatic, like “No Small Parts”? This show makes me cackle with laughter and giggle with nerdy glee and “d’awww!” at heartwarming friendships every week, but it’s only ever made me cry once—and then I was impressed that they were going to get there from the wacky hijinks we saw in the brief teaser.

The lack of a cold open made me apprehensive too—in my experience, that’s typically a sign that there’s so much plot in the rest of the episode that they need that extra scene—but after ~21.5 minutes of aforementioned hijinks, I was having so much fun that I’d completely forgotten about the alleged tear-jerker at the end…

…and they were not the tears I was expecting.

I didn’t think I’d be smiling and crying!!!! That was wholesome as SHIT!!!!!

I almost can’t believe they earned that—but they totally did.

After a Mariner–Tendi episode and a Boimler–Rutherford episode, we’re back to the “usual” Season 1 pairings… except the relationships between these characters have changed since Season 1. Mariner still feels thwacked in the abandonment issues by Boimler bailing for the Titan, and Rutherford’s having a tiny little existential crisis about losing an entire year of his life.

Both of which are extremely understandable and very heavy situations—and both of those situations get resolved because everyone in them is vulnerable with each other and honest about their feelings—AND that honesty and vulnerability brings both pairs of friends closer together. Are you kidding me?? I would watch SEVENTY seasons of that shit. Put it in my veins.

Onto the notes:

So basically Dooplers are Tribbles, but for cringe comedy instead of slapstick? Ohhhhh boy.

Look at Ransom the diplomat, tossing his own fork on the floor! I like that he’s actually a pretty competent Starfleet officer, despite also being a completely ridiculous person.

Wait a second, is that—OH HOLY SHIT, THE DOOPLERS ARE VOICED BY RICHARD KIND.

It makes sense that B. Boimler would find William annoying—who likes seeing their own flaws reflected back at them? And who could be a better reflection of one’s flaws than one’s literal duplicate?—but most interesting to me is that it implies on some level, Bradward knows the stick up his butt is a flaw. (Does William?)

Why does the Cerritos model have working phasers?!?!

I’m loving hot pink as the currently en-vogue colour for “dangerous sci-fi energy” in animation (cf. almost every previous episode of this show; Into the Spider-Verse; other stuff I can’t remember right now). As a former child of the 80’s, I’m living for it… but as a former teenager of the 90’s, I can’t help but wonder if it’s going to age as poorly as the harsh neon green of The Matrix, every Borg appearance on Voyager, and like 80% of the websites I made in high school…

SKANTS! SKANTS! SKANTS!

That fake-out joke with the fly-by over the Cerritos model was in the season trailer weeks ago, and I was so enthralled by that handsome lady that the sticker coming into frame still got me good 😂😂😂

BECKY Mariner????? omg yes

Some top-quality Boimler screams in this one. Poor Jack Quaid must drink gallons of throat-coat tea when he records.

One of the great things about Star Trek to me is that you never know what you’re going to get from any random episode. A murder mystery? A road trip? A spooky thriller? A cheesy romance? Broad comedy? Body horror? Didactic political screeds shrouded in tissue-thin science-fiction metaphors? Brain and brain, what is brain??? And after this many years of watching, you’d think I’d be hard to surprise. But if I ever told you I thought I’d see a Blues Brothers–style car chase through a frickin’ shopping mall on an episode of Star Trek, I would have been straight-up lying to you. I loved it, it worked for me, my jaw was on the floor and I was clapping with joy—but I’m definitely comfortable calling this one “unexpected.”

It’s CAPTAIN SHELBY!!! And an ancient babydyke crush rose from the depths of my childhood subconscious… (Also I think her Number One is based on the original makeup—eventually deemed too complicated—for Saru? Now that’s a deep cut.)

In 20th-century Trek, you almost never got to see what was going on inside a starship from the outside. Even after they switched from physical models (where it was next to impossible on a single episode’s budget) to CGI (which was still in its infancy, still not exactly cheap, and still broadcast in SD anyway), it was a rare thrill to see any meaningful interior details in an exterior shot. Disco’s modern VFX have given us some tasty, tasty treats in that department, but nothing quite as sublime as all the pink Doopler light glittering through the Cerritos’s windows.

Mariner says she’ll take her contact Malvus down with her, and threatens that they’ll end up “in the same cell.” Malvus is a Mizarian, a species introduced in TNG’s “Allegiance,” in which Captain Picard is held in a mysterious prison with one. I think I see what you did there, McMahan?

Bartender… so hot… lesbian circuits… overloading…

The Tendi and Rutherford C-story was, well, a C-story within a 22-minute episode, so there wasn’t much to it, but the one scene that mattered actually mattered a lot. I’m ambivalent on whether they should end up romantically involved—I’d prefer they don’t, but they’ll be one of the cutest couples in Trek history if they do—and as long as they keep that pure, sweet friendship between them at the heart of whatever else happens, I’m on board.

Carol Freeman was already one of my favourite captains before this season, and she’s been steadily moving up the list. The quiet throughline about her ambition to be on a better ship has been fascinating so far, and it’s starting to actually make me feel a little conflicted: I’m of course rooting for Captain Freeman to recognize her worth, make Starfleet recognize her worth, and become the ass-kicking captain of a hero ship that she’s clearly ready to be—but that almost surely means she’d be kicking ass off-screen, because LwD isn’t about those kind of adventures, and I’d be devastated not to have Dawnn Lewis on the show every week. So I’m kind of on the edge of my seat about this one!

I had so many favourite jokes this week I put them in a separate list:

“Even the replicated water on the Titan tasted better” is a low-key brilliant dunk on people who can’t shut the fuck up about the cooler places they used to live.

“Ooooh, they have a Quark’s now! That used to just be an empty lot where teens would make mistakes!” ← That’s literally me every time I go back to where I grew up. I felt so Seen™ I almost hid under a blanket.

“I would never go down the stairs!” (evil grin) (goes up the stairs)

The “well, shit” expressions from Mariner and Boimler as their crashed car sank right into the water… which started to bubble innocuously… and then the bottles of Data bubble-bath popped up, paying off a joke I thought had already been paid off—that was the one that woke up my poor cat this week. Just exquisite timing.

“YOUR PAGH IS WEAK, AND IT DISGUSTS ME!” “I don’t even know what that is, but I don’t like your tone!”

“Okona’s in there? He’s not even Starfleet! This is outrageous!” made me shout “NO!” at the screen like I was scolding my cat for scratching furniture. (She did not wake up that time.)

Best background joke: the neon sign at the dive bar advertising FREE SHOTS & BEERS. (Get it? Because they’re on a Federation starbase? Where nobody uses money?)

And of course Quark merchandised DS9.

This wasn’t just a standout episode of Lower Decks, this was a brilliant episode of Star Trek, period. The Dooplers, though extremely silly, are nevertheless also a clever sci-fi metaphor for real and relatable personal/interpersonal issues, and an effective plot catalyst for meaningful character growth from all four of our ensigns and the captain.

The jokes were hilarious, the action was kinetic, the A-, B-, and C-plots linked up thematically, the visuals were consistently and thoroughly gorgeous, the character beats—between Mariner and Boimler, Tendi and Rutherford, Mariner and Capt. Freeman—were all genuine, heartfelt and wholesome, and the references to other Trek canon were both deep and deeply affectionate.

Only 15 episodes in, and this series knows exactly what it is, exactly what it wants to do, and knows that it can knock our socks off doing it. Mike McMahan has said in recent interviews that the back half of S2 (and the apparently almost-fully-written S3) is a straight line uphill in quality from here—which surprised me at first, because McMahan seems like a pretty chill dude who doesn’t normally brag about his own work like that.

But then the Prophets sent me a vision of my space dad Ben Sisko, who reminded me of the words of 1930’s baseball player Dizzy Dean:

“If you can do it, it ain’t bragging.”

[Thanks to cygnus-x1.net for the screenshots this week—I was too lazy to do my own.]

#star trek #star trek lower decks #lower decks #lower decks spoilers #lwd spoilers #amy's episode notes

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ezgithechaotic · 4 years

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The Parent Trap | Chapter One; two sides of the same coin

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

AU: The Parent Trap, dad!harry

series summary: Identical twins Benjamin and Edward, separated at birth and each raised by one of their biological parents, later discover each other for the first time at summer camp and make a plan to bring their wayward parents back together.

chapter summary: Benjamin and Edward tries to convince their parents that they aren’t children anymore, but it’s harder than they think.

author note: I’m sorry in advance if I have any fault. English is not my first language. But please let me know if you see anthing that doesn’t seem right. And an important note about Harry and Y/N; They probably won’t see each other for a long time. But I plan on mentioning their thoughts about each other from time to time as I did in this chapter. So, buckle up, It’s gonna be a long way :)

Please leave a comment about what you think, love you.

The Parent Trap Masterlist

Between all the paperwork, Y/N was feeling like she could go crazy any minute. When she had decided to work from home, she didn’t think that anyone could reach her at any minute. It didn’t matter whether it was weekdays or weekends. She was either answering some phonecall from her customer or choosing the right fabric for her designs. Well, except the times she was with her son, Edward.

Y/N loved her job. She started at a very early age, it would even be proper to say that she had nothing or no one but her family when she had started this job. Now, she was one of the best designers across the world. She truly loved her job. But if there was one thing she loved more than her job, it was her son. The only person who could brighten her after a long day in her study room. He was the best thing Y/N had. So, when he brought her a cup of hot coffee while she was dealing with her job's most boring side, paperwork, he brought the sunshine inside the room with him.

When Edward knocked on the door she was so focused she didn't even hear it. So little boy quietly sneaked in and gently put the cup on the big desk. When Y/N realized, she looked up and saw her son, smiling at her. With his bright green eyes and long brown locks, Edward reminded everyone of his father. At least, the ones who knew him. Y/N was very cautious about her son’s and her private life. He was her treasure that she kept away from the whole world.

"Since when are you serving coffees, young man?" Y/N smiled as she raised an eyebrow to her nine-year-old son.

Edward shrugged and made himself comfortable at one of the leather sofas. "I thought you could use some break. I know you wouldn't stop if I didn't come in."

"You know I don't need you to be the mother, it's my job."

"It's not like I'm the mother every day. I'm okay with being the mother every once in a while. I know you love your job." Y/N got up from her chair as her son kept talking. Watching him talk was like watching a flower bloom. She would give everything to stop him from growing old. "Plus we have Nate to be the mother, I'm more like, the cool aunt of family."

"Don't ever let Nate hear that. Poor guy would be devastated."

"I think he would prefer my sassy remarks rather than yours."

Y/N sat beside Edward on the leather sofa and raised an eyebrow. "What is that supposed to mean?" She couldn't help but laugh as her son giggled. "Well, you can be very mean sometimes, mom."

"Ouch, I'm bruised, Eddy."

Y/N hugged her son with one arm. He laughed as he let his mother embrace him. Edward loved physical contact even though he didn't show it. He loved resting his head on his mother's chest as they did nothing. He wasn't a very social child, he liked staying inside and being alone. He didn't have friends at his age and was never a team player unless he trusted the people around him. But with Y/N, he felt safe.

"I haven’t seen you around today."

"Well, it's because you spent your whole Saturday trapped in here. I planted those flowers in the garden with Nate today. It was fun until he started to give me lectures about being responsible."

Y/N knew her assistant could be a bit much sometimes. But he still helped her a lot, not just as her assistant, but as her friend too. Edward loved him. He was one of the best friends Y/N had. Y/N knew growing up without a dad was hard for Edward. So she was grateful to him because, after her father, Nate was one the father figures for Edward.

"You know he loves you."

"Yeah, I know."

They sat there in silence for a moment. Y/N closed her eyes as she stroked her son's hair and listened to his breathing.

"Mom?" Edward said as if he was checking his mother.

"Yes, baby?"

"You know, my birthday is coming..." Y/N frowned but still kept her eyes close.

"There are still two months until your birthday, you know. Not two days."

"I know, mom." He rolled his eyes. "I was thinking... Since I'm turning ten this year maybe you could buy me a computer. I'm not a child anymore."

"You will always be a child for me. Your age doesn't matter."

"Moooom."

Y/N laughed at his son's reaction. "I thought we talked about this before, honey. I'm not comfortable with you interacting with social media. People can be cruel."

"I'm not saying I want to have a social media account or something. But, you know, it would be good to have a computer."

Y/N took a deep breath. "I will think about it." She said and smiled. Edward hugged her with joy and thanked her for even considering it. Y/N knew people on the internet could be cruel. All she wanted was to protect him but she knew she couldn't keep him to herself until forever. He was already homeschooled and didn't have as many friends as children of his age. People were eventually going to find out. She knew it was inevitable.

"If you want to be more social, you can always think about that summer camp that Zayn was talking about."

"Mom, I don't want to be social. I don't need friends."

"Friends can be very helpful. I had a lot of friends when I was your age."

"We both know that they were Aunt Abby's friends." Edward laughed when he saw his mother's face. It wasn't wrong. Her big sister, Abigail, had been her best friend through childhood. And she was still her biggest supporter. "Plus, I have Becky. She's my age."

"Becky isn't always around."

"Yeah, because Aunt Abby isn't always around."

Since Abigail was always traveling her daughter, Becky was traveling with her too. Becky was two years younger than Edward. And Edward loved his cousin like a sister. He was happy to be her big brother.

"They won't be here for summer. So, you can always take the opportunity and go to that summer camp." Although Edward wasn't eager about it, his mother wanted him to have friends. "I will think about it."

With that, Nate stuck his head through the open door and eyed two of them. "Sorry for interrupting your mom and son time. But are you guys hungry? Because I'm dying over here."

Y/N groaned as she rested her head against the sofa. "I'm starving."

"So, tacos?"

"You know I will never, ever say no to tacos," Edward said.

Y/N laughed but before she could answer her phone started to ring. She got up and found her phone inside the whole mess. "I need to answer this. Why don't you guys go ahead and order?"

Before he got up, Edward looked at her mother with meaningful eyes. "You will think about the computer, right?" Y/N smiled and planted a kiss on top of his head.

"I will, baby."

While Edward made his way to the kitchen, Nate stayed back.

"How long are you planning on keeping it secret from him?"

"As long as I can, Nate."

"He deserves to know."

Y/N took a deep breath. "I don't need a lecture about it. I know he will eventually ask. I will just let future Y/N deal with it."

"This is one of the worst answers you've ever given."

"You're being very helpful, Nate, thank you."

"You're welcome." Y/N shook her head and answered the call as Nate returned to the kitchen.

At the same time, Y/N made her way to the kitchen, Harry was walking towards Benjamin's room to wake him up, in a completely different country.

Harry knocked three times on his son's door. Even though he knew it was going to take more than three knocks to wake Benjamin up, Harry still had faith. But Ben was still asleep at the other side of the white-painted door. After a second or two, Harry opened the door with a sigh.

"It's time to wake up, buddy!"

Benjamin was tangled between his dark blue sheets. His short curly hair lying on the pillow, his green eyes shut. It was still mindblowing how much he looked like his father. At times like these, Harry never wanted to wake him up. If someone looked at him from where he stood, they would think that he was an angel. The only thing was that his son was the devil himself. And he didn't know if he should be proud or disappointed.

"Benny, breakfast is getting cold," Harry said as he opened the curtains. "Get up, now."

Benjamin groaned into his pillow. If there was one thing he hated most, it was waking up. He was never a morning person. The resemblance between Benjamin and his mother always made Harry a little bittersweet. It was like the universe didn't want him to forget her. As if forgetting her was an option. She was in every song he heard or wrote.

"Why can't I sleep more?" Benjamin asked, his eyes still closed. "Why do you have to be so cruel to wake me up at the crack of dawn?"

"It's almost noon, Ben."

"Well, still the crack of dawn."

Harry laughed at his son's reaction. Benjamin had always been sassy, but he always found a way to people's hearth, especially Harry's. He was something Harry couldn't explain. Benjamin was everything Harry had and he would give everything up for him without a doubt.

"So, should we let Jeffrey eat all the pancakes?"

Benjamin peeked through one open eye with a smile on his face. "Pancakes don't sound so bad. I like Katty's pancakes."

Katty was Benjamin's nanny and she usually helped Harry around the house with chores and dinner. She was one of the exceptional people around Benjamin. He liked her, and she helped him when he needed some woman influence.

Benjamin never held back what he thought about the person across him. Whenever Harry found some nanny he either scared them with his pranks or his remarks. But Katty was the only nanny who could have fun with him rather than running away from him. She was more like a sister to Benjamin. And Harry was happy that Benjamin could trust Katty as much as he trusted Gemma.

"Sorry, pal, you have to settle for my pancakes because Katty won't be here today."

Benjamin sighed. "So we're eating burnt pancakes, again?"

Harry acted like he was annoyed. "You weren't saying that before Katty."

"Because I didn't know chocolate chip pancakes existed."

"You always have something to say, don't you?"

Just like your mother.

" And I'm not even awake, yet. Think about the things I would say if I was awake."

"You sound pretty awake to me, buddy." He let Benjamin free from all the sheets. "Time to get up."

After five pancakes and two glass of orange juice, Benjamin was awake more than ever. While he was playing a game on the big television, Harry and Jeffrey were talking about upcoming projects.

"...for June we'll be recording the album and then you have that project with Gucci in July."

"I thought we were going to go to Holmes Chapel and see grandma this June," Benjamin questioned, suddenly not so interested in his game.

"I don't think we'll be able to do that, buddy. We'll be in Los Angeles."

"Will Camille be with us?"

Camille was Harry's current girlfriend. And Benjamin did not like her at all. After Y/N, Harry didn't have any relationship for a long time. Not just because he thought it would be hard for Benjamin if it didn't work out, but also he wasn't ready for getting heartbroken again. Camille was his longest relationship despite Benjamin's dislike for her.

"Yeah, probably."

Benjamin grunted with vexation and let himself fell on the couch again.

"Do I have to be there?" Benjamin looked at his father with hope. "Can't I just stay with grandma?"

"A month is a long time Benny."

"Yeah, dad, I know. That's why I don't want to spend it with Camille."

"I would appreciate it if you just tried to like her."

"Or you could just send me to the summer camp I've been talking about."

Harry took a deep breath. "We talked about this, Benny. I can't send you somewhere I've never heard before."

"But Freddie is going too." Benjamin whined.

"What's up with this summer camp?" Jeffrey asked when he couldn't help his curiosity.

"Something he heard from Freddie, I guess. He's been talking about it non-stop."

"Why don't you just let him go?"

"You know why, Jeff."

"You're just being paranoid, Harry. Let him have some fun. It's already hard to be the son of a famous pop star."

Jeffrey made Harry hesitate. He was right and Harry knew that. It was just scary to be away from him for more than a month. And since Benjamin wasn't a calm kid, it made it harder for him to decide. He wasn’t going to be there when things were going to go bad. But when he saw his son sitting there not even giving attention to the game all devastated, he couldn't help but say yes.

"You can go as long as you promise to be nice."

"Really?"

"Really."

"You're the best, dad!"

Benjamin hugged him so tight and smiled so bright that it made every bad thought Harry had, vanish. He hugged his son back. Apologizing to him without words for everything he took away from him, for everything he could have if he and his mom hadn’t been so stubborn.

If he only knew that Benjamin would take everything back with a simple summer camp.

#harry styles #harry styles au #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #one direction imagine #the parent trap au

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laora-inn · 3 years

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Supernatural - 15x17. On Chuck, Cas, and love. Chuck’s true weakness

As all my SPN metas, it’s Destiel positive and happy end positive, don’t like - don’t read.

15x17 gave us a lot about Chuck and Amara relationship. Now I should tell, that inside the story they are not mirrors for some other SPN characters. SPN characters are supposed to be mirrors for them.

Or that’s how it was planned by Chuck.

From the start Chuck wasn’t whole. That’s where his disappointment in angels and humans comes from. That’s why, though he needs fans, the same time he despises them and can’t see the truth, which is obvious for them (i. e. for Becky). Chuck doesn’t kill his fans. He just sends them away, ‘cause they are "annoying” and have their own demands. He prefers to ignore that. Just like channel execs preferred to ignore us when it came to Cas and DeanCas.

Chuck sends his angelic fans away the same he did with Becky in 15x04, with the same words actually. “I didn’t kill him (Becky’s husband). He’s just far away”. Chuck ruins their lives with ignoring them - but also he ruins lives of those who he is interested in. Lucifer was his most beloved son - and Chuck gave him the Mark of Cain, which corrupted him... though Chuck’s main purpose there was to seal Amara, of course.

That’s how his disappointment began. He sealed the part of himself and became BROKEN. Broke himself, actually. In 15x17 Chuck says he was obsessed by fractals, repetitions of one form on different levels, and that’s true: in Sam and Dean’s story he just tries to repeat his and Amara’s one - maybe, to understand something. To fix himself. Not to be haunted of his own failures. That’s his self-therapy - but it didn’t work even a little for ages... until he saw something true. Until the story of Team Free Will began and his puppets suddenly weren’t puppets anymore.

Why? I think we all Destihellers had known, but in 15x17 we got a serious confirmation. These Sam and Dean are so special because of this Cas, because of his total and absolute disobedience. According to Chuck, that’s the only real difference between their story and the others’ ones.

The reason of that is obvious - love. Cas’s perfect angelic devotion, but not to God. Here I wrote about Adam and Seraphina and the sacred oath reason - in connection to Cas. Chuck doesn’t understand Cas’s (and love - the synonyms here) importance for his story. For him Cas “is something that always goes wrong” (Dean’s words from 15x03, fascinating *sarcasm*). Here in the end there are some thoughts about Cas’s being the greatest trickster of the show.

There are lots of Sams, Deans, Cases. But there is one Amara. In 15x17 she said her return because of the Winchesters was a part of Chuck’s plan - except her feelings for Dean, as Chuck confirmed. I suppose we can believe him - he chose these Sam and Dean to return Amara, to deal with her. Thanks to them he finally found the will to face her - not to make it looks like one sibling’s death/sealing is the logical reason for another one to live long and happy life (like for Dean in 5x22, after Sam’s sacrifice). Chuck used the story to heal his trauma - but he ignored Lucifer’s trauma, his desperate want to be loved, and the Winchesters’ story continued. Now I think that it was a part of Chuck’s plan - he liked these boytoys so much. And with considering them boytoys, his trauma wasn’t healed. ‘Cause it wasn’t Amara who caused it. It was always Chuck himself. In 15x04 he said that he hates himself. I have no doubts about it, but all he’s doing was making it even worse. Hurting others means deepening your wounds. To find the way you should stop. Just stop. And enjoy the moment, maybe - like Amara in 15x17 advised.

But Chuck didn’t listen to her. Enjoyment means love, and he can’t love. Only manipulate.

Unlike Chuck, Amara found her harmony. I assume that’s because she found love in herself, not outside. The love outside can’t be appreciated if your heart is closed, like Chuck’s. Well, Amara’s heart is open, and that makes her vulnerable I guess. In the beginning of 15x17 Amara was reading “Norwegian wood”. I’ve also read this book and think that the main message here is: the real is always better than some dreams about. Just like Amara said to Dean about Mary in 15x15... though Dean seemed not to understand her. Betraying Amara for Dean means betraying himself and letting Chuck, the vengeful father, who is ready to sacrifice his children in a heartbeat, win. Betraying her means Dean becomes Chuck’s mirror. He gives up his family not for his own freedom, but for Chuck’s. ALL THIS STORY WAS CREATED BECAUSE CHUCK WANTED TO HAVE HIS FREE WILL. And he can’t.

I assume somewhere in 15x04 he thought Amara’s consumption was the only way to become whole, to find free will, to feel joy, not disappointment. To be happy.

In 6x20 we saw Cas’s praying to Chuck while sitting on a bench, with some flowers near. We know that was the moment when Chuck could stop Cas, prevent all this Leviathan story... unless he WANTED it. In 15x04 he said that he loved monsters, Leviathans especially. And by that time he certainly wanted Cas dead (as well as the channel execs, I suppose).

In 15x17 we see Amara praying to Chuck while sitting on a bench, with a flower in her hands. She wants a balance with him. He wants her dead - not literally though.

Did Chuck know that in 15x17 Amara would trap him? I think yes. He wanted that specifically.

Did he know that Sam would be alive by the end of 15x17? I think no. He was disappointed again, he WASN’T HAPPY even after Amara’s disappearance.

Why wasn’t he? The Empty gave us a clue while making a deal with Cas: to be happy you must let yourself be happy. And that’s impossible without love, understanding, and TRANSFORMATION.

Yet Chuck didn’t understand that AGAIN. He said “kill each other, don’t kill each other - I don’t care” to boys only because he succeeded in killing Amara as a personality finally. So he didn’t need Sam and Dean as “mirrors” of his own toxic relationship with his sibling anymore.

But we - now we understand. Chuck revealed the secret himself when told about this Cas’s uniqueness.

To be whole doesn’t mean to manipulate and to devour, in fact these are the opposites. Maybe Sam, Dean and Cas ARE broken, but not as much as Chuck himself. Maybe they are broken only because of him and his trauma, his awful relationship with Amara. Maybe, unlike him, they found the real way to healing.

Maybe their “cracks” are not like his. Maybe these “cracks” are the free will itself, the things that can change the convo, and they are also something Chuck doesn’t know about - ‘cause he doesn’t understand them.

He doesn’t truly understand love.

The way Cas supports Sam while looking the way to save Jack. The things he says during Sam and Dean’s fight - small things, not important at first sight. They weren’t scripted by Chuck I think: Dean, don’t. Sam, why not? All these looks - from Sam to Cas before confronting Dean. From Cas to Sam and Dean. From Dean to Cas - Dean was looking at Cas several times while listening to Sam, for support or confirmation.

Cas couldn’t fight Dean there, he was so unsure. He didn’t even agree to buy Sam some time if Dean comes back earlier than Sam. But he supported Sam in his fight, said to him not to surrender, said, that Sam’s internal compass was functioning perfectly. That’s moral support only, but it could change things.

Dean also saw support in Cas, but Cas had doubts, he ASKED Sam, why not, and Dean just HAD TO listen.

As a result they confirmed themselves as Team Free Will. All the three of them - they could escape the next Chuck’s trap. Still I assume the crucial party in that belongs to Cas. He is something that always isn’t in the plan, something unpredictable. Notice - when Sam, Jack and Dean deal with Amara, there is no Cas with them. But in the end of 15x17 it’s Cas who asks Chuck about Amara, and that wasn’t the part of his plan. I suppose this question was the reason of Chuck’s getting angry so much that he revealed the secret about this Cas as a kind of offence. Like it’s bad - to be unpredictable. To be a trickster. To be real.

Chuck’s words about this Cas’s uniqueness influence Cas for sure. After them he looked at Dean TWICE (what for?!), and I think that’s possible that his latter question “What do you mean?” refers to these Chuck’s words especially. Cas was just lost in his thoughts when he heard them. Only when Chuck told about Jack’s death, Cas was brought back to reality. Coincidence? Hell no.

Now Cas understood something thanks to Chuck, and that will play in 15x18 for sure.

Also, in 15x17 we didn’t see any Cas+Empty interaction. Only Sam+Empty - but THIS IS CAS’S HELP TO SAM THAT MADE IT POSSIBLE.

So maybe Chuck knew about Sam coming to Death library. But did he know about Sam’s getting God Death book? We’ll wait and see. To conclude: Chuck can’t control love ‘cause he doesn’t understand it, doesn’t feel it. And that's the true weakness that will end him. Chuck’s true weakness is revealed: he isn’t in love. With anything.

#destiel meta #destiel-meta #Destiel #chuck shurley #supernatural amara #castiel #dean winchester #deancas #casdean #supernatural #Supernatural Finale #supernatural 15 #supernatural season 15 #SPN #spn 15x17

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askforimagineoroneshot · 4 years

Text

Pick your team (Jeff Hardy x Reader)

wwelover0789nathalia: Hi, since I saw you do WWE imagines I have a request for you to do! I was hoping for you to do Jeff Hardy x Reader. When the reader is wrestler as well. She had some connections to the SHIELD boys but is friends with the Hardy boyz. She use to have a thing with Jeff but they went separate ways with nothing bad happening. She just needed time for her mental health. Now there is a tag team match - mixed - two women and three men. What no one knows is that they will choose they team when they get to ring. Like we have a SHIELD, Hardy boyz and maybe Sheamus and people coming in the match don't know who they are with and they get surprise that they have to choose for themselves. Maybe something like pick a shirt from Rene or something? Thank you very much!

Gifs are not mine! Imagine is!

MASTERLIST

Reader's point of view

After some time away from all of this I have to say I missed it. I missed all of the chaos from backstage and the people running around. I am so lucky to be able to return to my family. Even when it is doing to be hard and not just for me but also for people I call my family.

When I left this place I did it because of me. I had mental health issues that I needed to take care of. I left everything behind. My job, my friends, ma family. I even left town for almost a year. And it had helped me. I am much better now. With me leaving there are changes that comes with life. I left love of my life behind. I left Jeff. Even that he understood why and respected that, he even encourage me to do it. He knew I needed it. But I still feel like I broke his heart. I know he was hiding it, and he did that so well. I know him better. And with his heart mine broke too. A big piece of it stayed here.

Knowing that no one knows that I am back except for Hunter that helped me return here to Wrestlemania makes me so petrified. Hunter did a lot more for me as well. He came up with this idea that there will be a huge match - a mix tag team with five people in each team. I am not sure what it will be but nobody actually knows what he wants to do. I am told to be ready at the time in the arena. And that is what I am going to do.

I am nerves because I know my family will be in the ring with me. My Hardy boyz will be there without knowing I will be there. Will Jeff be angry with me. That I didn't tell him I am back and that I am going back to work. Did he move on from me. Should I be surprise about it? I think no. I am the one that left. He deserves someone who can be there for him just like he was there for me. Someone strong. Maybe it would be better that way. I want him to be happy.

I am just second guessing everything I did in my life and everything I am about to do now. That is just something I do when I am alone in the room for to long.

I am in a dressing room now. This room doesn't belong to anyone. The hole idea that Hunter presented to me is that I am one of the big surprises for the evening. I will be in a one of the teams. In which one I have no idea. I know that it will be my boyz and SHIELD and the Celtic warriors but that is all I know about this evening.

I am not sure how will people react to seeing me. The fans will they be happy. Do they even remember me? And what about the boys? How angry will Jeff be? I know nothing will happen in the ring since fans don't know we were in relationship but still. Also Seth and his team? Back in a day I use to have a connections with them. The storylines and everything. I was the one that thought them that family means that you don't turn your back to them no matter how many times they turn their back to you. I put the team of SHIELD boys back together after Seth did what he did.

Who will I be with? How will this go down?

“We are ready to go.” a woman came to the room. “The match will start in five minutes.”

“Thank you.” I guess I will know sooner than I thought.

I go through the halls behind her. It still looks the same. No matter how long you are gone this place has a spirit. That's why people love this place so much. And why so many people wants to work here.

As we walk I see some of the divas watching me. I know that they are talking about me being here again. I am not surprised. When we get to the gorila I see Stephanie watching TV screen.

“Hi.” I tell her so she knows I am here and ready.

“Hi sweetie. Just a moment and the show will start for you.” she looks at me with a smile on her face. “Hunter will just start the segment.”

I stand next to her after I nod to agrement. I want to know what is happening and how will Hunter work this out.

“You wanted a chance to win a tag team championship and so I will give it to you Sheamus!” I watch Hunter play his role that he had written for himself. “But I want something from it too. Since fans are a little tired from the same people crying at the same stone so I dicated to play a little game with you all.”

The boys around him looked surprised. Fan would say it is a role they play but I can see on them they really didn't know about any of this. It had happen before to be honest.

“You can fight for the tag team championship but in teams like this. It is time to give other people chance to.” he continued. “Only question is will they chose you as their team?” with that he drops the mic and walks up the ramp.

“What does that mean?” I aks without turning away from the TV but Steph knows I am asking her.

“Well,” she puts her hand on my arm and looks at Becky that was standing behind us. I didn't even knew she was there. “Let's go.” she tells her and I can hear her music play. My eyes turn back at the monitor. When Becky gets to the ring and picks the mic that Hunter left there.

“Since I am the only one that knows what is going on let me start.” she smiles and the crowd love her. “It's time for a mixed tag team five people per team match.” she chers and crowd loves it. They want to see this so bad.

“And since there is not that many people in this ring for this we will need more.” she looks at the gorila before she does anything else Steph gives me a sight to go as my music hit.

And so I go. Crowd goes crazy. I am so happy right now. Adrenaline is in my veins and I feel the moment. As I made my way to the ring I look at the guys and I can see pure shock. I can see Matt and how happy and pump he is about seeing me here. When I look at his brother, my Jeff, I can see how surprised he is. It is a good surprised but there is something on his mind and I can't really tell what. When I get to the ring I do my thing.

The music stops and I look at Becky. She is smiling still. I look at her to know what to do. I know nothing and by looks of it I am not alone.

“Now that you are back I thought that you should have a right to pick first. Pick the team that you are ready to fight for and suffer for.” she tells me with a smile.

I am in shock. And I can't take a minute to think about this. I know I am not going to pick warriors. Can I pick by who I really want to fight for or do I pick the one team that I had my last storyline.

I look at the table with the shirts. Nice and folted. When I look at Seth I can see a smirk wich he knows I hate. When I look at my boyz I see Matt's crazy jet cute smile and sparkle in the eyes of Jeff. I do what I want to and I pick Hardy boyz. Crowd goes crazy but it's like I in the box and can't hear them.

I get to Jeff's corner and change my shirt. I can feel Jeff's hand on my lover back. I lean in. Was he waiting for me or did he moved on? Do I have a right to be angry if he did? No. Will it broke my heart? Yes.

After the match

I walk with my team behind me. We won and crowd loved it. I am not hurt in a way of me not being unable to perform tomorrow but I am hurting. I did what I always do. I am not a afreight to get hurt. I am giving my everything. Some call it reclase.

“I will see you guys later.” Charlotte said as she walked to her dressing room.

“Yeah.” Matt said and before I could Jeff stopped me.

“Can I talk to you?” he asked me calmly.

“Yeah, but I don't have a dressing room so we have to go to yours.” I smile at him. God, how much I missed him. Now he is so close and yet it still feels so far.

When we get to his dressing room he closes door but doesn't lock it. I turn to look at him and I see him really happy, smiling at me.

“WOW.” he laugh. “You are back.” I have to look down to not disappoint him. “How are you feeling.”

“Yeah, I am.” I start with the laugh not so honest as his. “I am well, not perfect but I am good. How are you?”

“Now I am good to.” All I can see in his eyes is joy and love. It is hard for me to not kiss him right now.

“How were when I was gone?” I asked him scared of what he will tell me.

“You were not gone you were away. And for a good reason.” he get closer to me. “And I was fine. You know. Waiting for you to be ready to come back.”

“You didn't have to wait for me.” I felt guilty for what I made him go through.

“I would wait a lifetime for you.” he hugs me and I know I am safe and where I am meant to be. I hug him back like my life is depending on it.

#jeff hardy imagine #jeff hardy #jeff hardy x reader #wwe #wwe imagine #wwe x reader #wrestling

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astralshipper · 3 years

Text

I got sappy. wanted to write about what the show means to me. trigger warning for depression, bullying, all the rough stuff that goes along with that. also trigger warning for this being long as all hell. I had a lot to say about this dumb ass show. please feel free to ignore this, it was mainly for me to get my thoughts out.

Supernatural was there for me through… everything. I remember watching the pilot episode really vividly, though the date is fuzzy. I say it was 2012 at the time, but my mom insists it had to have been earlier than that, so I’m not entirely sure. The years really ran together back then. I wasn’t in the best place. In fact, I was in the lowest place I’ve ever been. The past few years of abusive friendships ended up finally getting me worn down, and I was in the biggest depressive slump I’ve ever felt. I thought I was weak, useless, selfish for feeling like that. I didn’t see any reason to go on, if I was just gonna be like that.

I had two people irl at the time that I considered my actual friends, as opposed to just the people that hung around me and made me feel pretty shitty. These two friends had started talking about this show they started watching. Supernatural, they kept telling me, it was the best show ever. They said I’d totally fall for Dean, and if not, then to wait for Castiel to show up. So I told my mom about it.

My mom watched the pilot episode while I was at school one day. When I got home that evening she agreed, I would love Dean, but I would be terrified of the show. So, being the dumbass I am, I trudged upstairs to do my homework for the next 7-8 hours, finishing around 1:30 in the morning. Perfect time for a wimpy little kid that’s scared of her own shadow to watch a new supposedly scary show, right? So I did. Dean didn’t even have a chance to show up before I was smitten with Sam, which makes me sound totally like becky, but let’s just skip over that and pretend that doesn’t sound familiar lmao

My mom and I got into a routine of watching the show in our free time. I would get home from school, drag her off, and we would binge a few episodes before dinner, so long as I could get my work done on time. So I started to, slowly but surely. Because Sam and Dean were waiting for me.

I wish I could say it was a quick fix for all my issues, but that’s not,,, how life works, you know? I was still getting pushed around, I was still that lanky kid that played minecraft and couldn’t maintain eye contact, and carried around a new book every week. I was still the kid with tourettes that twitched and jerked and made funky noises throughout class. And middle school kids are damn mean. It wasn’t a cure for my depression, or my ADHD, or my anxiety, or anything like that. But it was a start. Sometimes I would text or call my mom from the school bathroom, sobbing and begging her to let me come home early. I did this a lot. Finally, she had a response. Stay there for Sam and Dean (and later on Cas, too), she would say, and we can watch an extra episode tonight to celebrate. She told me they were waiting for me back home, and that they were proud of me and that they believed that I could get through it. And how was I supposed to say no to Sam, Dean, and Castiel? So I would clean myself up, head back to class, and do what I could to get through the day, knowing that Team Free Will believed in me.

When I first started this show, that dark place I was in led me to doing a lot of stuff that hurt me in the long run. One of those things was pushing away my family as much as I possibly could. My family has always been really close. Hell, I’d do anything for them, I always would have. But during that time, I didn’t want to be a liability. I thought they would all be better off without me constantly in their lives. So I stayed as far from them as I could. Until Supernatural came along, and things changed. This show gave me a means of talking to my mom and becoming closer with her. It gave me the ability to cry with her, laugh with her, talk about things with her. It gave me my mom back, and in the end, gave me my family back. I finally trusted someone close to me again, someone that could help really make a difference.

Jared Padalecki plays Sam Winchester, right? Well, a bit of time after I started following the show, he became very open about his own mental health struggles. He spoke up about his depression, and how it made him feel, and how he was working towards getting help and recovering. And all of a sudden, I could start to believe that maybe… my depression didn’t make me as weak as I thought it did. I mean, if Sam fucking Winchester himself can have depression and feel this way, if Jared Padalecki, a man that’s brought so much joy to so many people and has helped so many people through rough times, if he can feel like that too, then maybe I’m not weak. Maybe it makes me strong, the fact that I’m still here. Maybe it’s not selfish to ask for help. Maybe it doesn’t make me weak to need help from someone. I talked to my mom about getting put on some new medication. We started thinking about therapy options. I was finally open to maybe getting some help. And I was willing to start a journey towards not feeling like my mental health made me weaker, but stronger. Always keep fighting, he would say. That was the goal. So I did.

After I got my cap and gown for high school graduation, I broke down as soon as I was alone. That hadn’t been in the plan. Graduation was never an option. My plans never reached this far, because in my mind, I wouldn’t still be there to see it. I never expected myself to walk across a stage to get a high school diploma. I never expected myself to shake hands with my principal and have her tell me she’s proud of me. I never expected myself to make it. But I… did. And I know, I knew, that I owed a lot of that to Sam, Dean, and Castiel. I might not have gotten there without them, and everything they brought to me over the years.

Life isn’t perfect. I’ve continued to hit my depressive slumps every once in a while. I have good days, bad days, and worse days. But every time things get hard, every time I just want to give up, this one damn show has been there. These characters have been there, and I know they would want me to fight. So I keep fighting, as long as I can. I know it’s not cool to like Supernatural. I know it’s cringy. I know it’s problematic. I know and I acknowledge that a lot of things that have happened on the show aren’t handled properly or are insensitive. I’m always going to be critical of the media I consume, but god dammit, that doesn’t diminish everything this show has done for me. Along this road, it stopped being a show, and it started being an anchor. They stopped being characters and started being reasons to keep trudging on. And seeing it go, it’s a really, really difficult goodbye. I’m not just watching a show go off the air, it’s saying goodbye to one of the biggest supports I’ve ever had.

I don’t love Sam just because I think he’s cute. I don’t have a soft spot for Dean just because I think he’s funny. I don’t care so deeply for Castiel just because I think he’s a quirky dude. They’ve all been there for me when it felt like no one else could ever care about me. I love them, and I always will. I might not always hyperfixate on the show, but I can assure you, these guys are always going to hold a special place in my heart. They’re my heroes, they saved my life, and they did it universes apart from me. They’re a big part of who I am and who I want to be. And I wish I could thank them for that.

#astras dumb shit #astras bad brain #this is depressing as SHIT im so sorry omfg.#head hurty heart hurty just want to give tfw hugs #i feel like all of this sounds so ridiculous but like. ksjdfhjg idk this show means. a whole lot #supernaturally soulmates #hunter in-laws #ethereal family

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yusuke-of-valla · 4 years

Text

like rats fleeing a sinking ship, pt. 3

intermission i

A/N: “intermission,” basically just means I couldn’t get a Whumptober prompt in there.

TW: mentions of being shot

<-Previous Next->

AO3

After a bit of arguing, Akira gives his bag to Haru with Morgana inside it, and takes Akechi with him to Crossroads. If given the choice, Akira would have preferred leaving Akechi at Takemi’s apartment to rest, but over the last three days since the notice for the Phantom Thieves’ arrest went out, Akechi has proven that he will refuse to sit still even if it’s for his own health, so he’s coming with Akira.

Akira lets Akechi get a seat on the train and stands up, watching the people on the train mutter amongst themselves. The news bulletin is giving updates about the “dangerous thieves at large.”

“...my aunt had a change of heart before she collapsed...”

“I heard they’ve given mental shutdowns to children too...”

“...put her name on the PhanSite. I hope Shido catches those thieves before something happens to her. She may be a bitch but I don’t want her to die.”

“So quick to turn on their supposed heroes,” Akechi mutters.

Akira hums.

Crossroads is empty when they arrive, save for Ohya and Lala, as usual.

When the door opens, Ohya perks up, her eyes going from Akira, then quickly settling on Akechi. “What’s he doing here?”

“He’s on our side,” Akira says. “Shido doesn’t like him either.”

“Sweet. The enemy of my enemy and all that.”

“I suppose you boys aren’t here for a social visit?” Lala asks, pouring them each a glass of water.

“I’d really like this to be, but we can’t.”

Ohya sits up. “Right. It’s not great.”

“Sources don’t have a lot of info?”

“It’s not that. The ones I can get in touch with are happy to talk about how their search for the Phantom Thieves won’t rest until they’re dealt with and explaining some of their procedures like setting up checkpoints in and out of the city. They’re also teaming up with some tech company to monitor phones and texts.”

“Lovely,” Akechi says, “things we could’ve already deduced. Do you have anything that isn’t coming from propagandists?”

“You can tell a lot from what people don’t say as much as what they do. They’re talking a big game, but only have Sakura-san’s arrest to back it up so it’s safe to say they haven’t gotten anyone else. They’re focused on the major areas, the subway, Central Street. Stuff like that. And they’re being flooded with tips, so even though people are happy to turn you in, they also don’t have time to go over everything.”

“So the mob’s working against them,” Akira says.

“Right,” Ohya winks. Then she gives Akechi a pointed look. “And I still have some inside info. Like apparently Shido’s been fighting with this one government agency for awhile now, blocking funding and access for them. They’re called the “Shadow Ops,” and Shido is putting a lot of effort into getting them out of the way.”

“And how is that helpful to us now?" Goro asks.

“Enemy of my enemy,” Akira suggests.

“Well if we can figure out how to get in touch with them that’ll be fine, but it’s still more trouble than it’s worth.”

“What is your problem?" Akira snaps.

“My problem is we’re wasting time! You’re supposed to be the leader yet you can’t conceive of the bigger picture.”

“Akechi you’ve been shot.”

“Stop pretending you’re holding back for my sake,” Akechi says, rolling his eyes. “We could go into the Metaverse right now and get this healed. You just can’t do anything without your ragtag bunch of misfits around to sing your praises.”

“Then why don’t you go.” Akira asks. “Why haven’t you left? Is it because after we played you like a damn fiddle and you were betrayed by your boss you realized you might not be as strong or as clever as you thought?”

Akechi crosses his arms and glares at Akira. “Fine. You’ve got me. I don’t think I can take Shido on my own. I could use your help. Yours. But the others are superfluous, we don’t need them.”

“The others have saved my life on more than one occasion, and they’ve saved yours before too. One week, and we go in and fight like hell, but since you need me and you kinda owe me for that little ‘attempted murder incident’, we’re doing it on my terms when we’ve found as many members of my team as we can.”

“Does the thought cross your mind that gathering them all in one place might just be putting them in more danger?”

“I have to know they’re safe.”

They stare daggers at each other.

Akechi gives in first, getting up with a huff. “If you have any useful information, Ohya-san then please let me know. Until then I’ll be waiting outside.” He strides out the door, and lets it slam shut behind him.

“I’m sorry about that,” Akira says to Ohya and Lala, who he’s just realized heard that entire conversation.

“No problem. You okay, kid?”

“I’m fine. Any other news?”

“Not really. I can tell you that the police have the big public areas covered, but I doubt you’ll be going to any concerts any time soon.”

“Nah. But seriously thank you, this’ll help us plan our movements.”

“Stop by tomorrow, I’ll see if I have anything new for you.”

“Actually, do you mind if one of my friends does it? She’s closer at the moment.”

“Sure, just tell me what to look for.”

Akira gives Haru’s description, thanks Lala again, then heads out.

“Are we done?” Akechi asks.

“One more stop in Shinjuku.” Akira leads Akechi a few blocks down to Chihaya’s booth.

“Akira! It’s good to see you!” Chihaya says.

“Hey Chihaya. We’re here for a reading.”

“Do you know everyone in this city?” Akechi mutters.

Chihaya lays out the cards in front of them. “Do you need a specific reading?”

“Can you give me a reading that’ll tell me where my friends are?”

“I’ll do my best!” Chihaya says. She flips the cards over one by one, and there’s a familiar sensation like something snapping. Even Akechi seems caught off guard by it. Chihaya looks at the spread and frowns. “Hesitation will be your undoing, but don’t be reckless. And I’m not sure about the nine of swords, something to do with Gemini?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Akira sees the way Akechi’s eyes widen at that, then he quickly cools his expression again.

“That’s all I can see,” Chihaya says.

“Thank you.” Akira says, getting up.

Akechi walks back towards the train station quickly, and Akira trails behind. He pauses at the sight of a familiar blue prison door.

“Hey inmate!” Caroline says. “You wanna go in?”

Akira considers it, but shakes his head. He doesn’t want to see Igor right now. “Hey, Caroline, how much do you know about stuff that’s going on. You obviously know more than I do.”

“Well duh! How’re we supposed to help with your rehabilitation if we’re as clueless as you?”

“Then do you know where my friends are?”

Caroline’s grin fades. “W-we couldn’t tell you that even if we did know!”

“Alright, thanks.”

“What are you waiting for?” Akechi calls.

Akira waves at Caroline, and runs to catch up with Akechi.

~_~_~_~

After parting ways with Akira and Akechi, Haru at least takes a little joy in the familiar weight of Morgana in her bag. When they arrive in Aoyama-Itchome, Haru hangs back in an alleyway as Morgana pops his head out of the bag.

“Alright, wait until there aren’t as many students leaving, then slip around the back way there.” Morgana says, helping Haru slip in the same way Akira had been getting up to the roof to meet her while he’s presumed dead.

Her first stop is her vegetable garden. Despite everything, her babies have been growing pretty well.

“It’s too bad we can’t bring the whole thing,” she says picking the tomatoes and pulling up the carrots.

“We can see about starting a garden at Takemi’s,” Morgana offers. “There’s one windowsill that gets a lot of really nice sunlight, even in the winter. I like to take naps there, but I’m willing to give it up for your vegetables.”

“Aw, thank you Mona-chan,” Haru gives him a pat on the head before bagging up the rest of her vegetables. “You’re up next.”

Haru slips out the back and heads back to the alley, watching the school until Morgana comes out, Kawakami trailing behind him.

“Hey, slow down kitty, I’,- Okumura?” Kawakami stares at Haru taking in her new hair and clothes. “So that is Kurusu’s cat?”

Haru smiles and picks Morgana up, helping him back into the bag. “Yeah, he’s a very smart little guy.”

“So does that mean Kurusu’s alright, at least?”

“Yes. But we still need to find the others.”

“Any way I can help?”

“Do you have Shiho Suzui’s address?”

Kawakami’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, then she seems to understand. “Oh yes, I suppose that makes sense. I should be able to get it. Hold on.”

Kawakami walks back into the school, and ten minutes later comes out with a sheet of paper. One has an address on it, the other has a phone number.

“Here you go. And if you need anything, give that number a call and ask for Becky. I’ll know it’s you and be right over.”

“I can’t ask you to get more involved in this,” Haru says.

Kawakami laughs. “I’m already neck deep in the Phantom Thieves business. You’ve helped me and so many others, and more importantly, you’re my students. It’s my job to make sure you’re all safe.”

Haru holds the sheet of paper to her chest. “Thank you. Your support means more than you know.”

“Let me know if you need anything.”

Haru grabs a tourist map from the train station and follows the address Kawakami gave them. The Suzui residence is a nice small house near one of the smaller parks.

“Ready to go Haru?”

“Yep.”

Haru knocks on the door, and a middle aged man opens it. “Hello, who are you?”

“I’m here to return your cat!” Haru says, holding Morgana up to the man’s face.

“We don’t ha-” Morgana leaps out of Haru’s arms and runs into the house.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Haru says.

The man curses. “Stay here,” he says, running after Morgana.

There are more voices, and then…

“Morgana?”

“Lady Ann! So you are here!”

“Ann!” Haru calls, running in the direction of the voices. She finds an open door leading downstairs, and the man from earlier is there, along with Ann, Morgana, and a girl who must be Suzui, who immediately steps in front of Ann protectively.

“Who are you,” Suzui demands.

“Shiho! It’s fine, this is Haru,” Ann says, “she’s part of the team.”

“Haru Okumura?” the man— Suzui’s father, probably— asks.

“Yes, we’re so sorry for the disturbance,” Haru says.

Mr. Suzui waves her off, and then pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s fine, I guess. Would you like some tea Okumura-san? You and Ann probably have a lot to catch up on.”

“That’d be great, thanks!” Ann says. Haru nods as well, and Mr. Suzui heads back upstairs. Once he’s gone, Shiho shuts the door and Ann gives Haru a hug. “Good to see you! I thought you booked it for the countryside!”

“A little misdirection on my part. It’s a bit of a story.”

“We have so much to tell you!” Morgana says.

“I’m sure.” Ann says, picking him up.

“So, I’m guessing this is the famous Morgana?” Suzui asks.

Morgana perks up. “Oh? You told her about me?”

“How could I not,” Ann laughs, “I mean you’re kinda important to the whole story.”

“I’m important!”

“Wow, you can really understand him?” Suzui asks, stepping closer.

Haru nods. “Yes. How much has Ann told you?”

“Everything, pretty much,” Ann says. She and Suzui share a look, before Suzui pulls up some bean bag chairs.

“C’mon, sit. I’m sure things must have been crazy for you guys.”

“That’s a bit of an understatement,” Haru laughs. “But do you want to tell your story first?”

Ann nods.

#alto writes #on the run au #wordcount: 2000-2500 #persona 5 #goro akechi #akira kurusu #haru okumura #morgana #ann takamaki #shiho suzui #ichiko ohya #chihaya mifune

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prettywordsyouleft · 4 years

Text

How To Love

Summary: Brian hoped taking you out on a date would help you both connect more like most couples did. Except, with him being a ghost, going on a date proves to be harder than either of you anticipated.

Pairing: Brian Kang x reader (ft. Day6)

World: Spiritual Connection (masterlist HERE)

Genre: ghost au / angst-fluff / valentines au

Warnings: none

A/N: Happy Valentines to everyone who celebrates it! As promised at Christmas, we are returning to our beloved manor house to see how the ghosts are doing. I did want to write about them all but it appears Brian was a little needy this time around so he got a story all to himself! I hope you enjoy it.

For those new to this world, this story’s context won’t make any sense without reading the previous stories before this. They are linked in the masterlist shared above.

Word count: 6292

Placing down the book he had just completed, Brian let out his umpteenth sigh for the day. It wasn’t the book’s fault. He had read this story many times over his years of existence and usually it held his attention well.

Tonight, however, Brian was too distracted to let the words fully infiltrate his mind, his thoughts wandering towards the dilemma he was faced with.

Things at the seaside manor had been going well. In fact, business hadn’t been better. Although it hadn’t been long since Christmas break, as soon as the doors reopened, guests would come and go every week in larger volumes than before. And whilst Brian was thrilled that your bed and breakfast venture had really taken off, it had some disadvantages.

Since you were spending your Saturday evening entertaining your guests whilst he was stuck in the study alone.

Glancing down at the love story he had been attempting to read, Brian lifted his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. For someone who didn’t feel the same as he had when he was alive, he could still sense the weariness within his soul. He was tired of all of the distinctions between you and him, and reading about a love that held different worries than he had couldn’t ease his mind or heart.

Brian craved something more tangible to his existence. Since his death, over a century had passed by. And during that time, he hadn’t really questioned a lot about anything. Sure, he had his profound moments, inspired to write his feelings down in poetry. But that was it. He had accepted his time and place in this realm. Yet, just because he was dead, didn’t mean his emotions had died off.

Had that happened, he wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.

And it was due to the intensity of such emotions that everything felt insufferable right now.

“Here you are!” a voice called and it perked him instantly, despite it being more masculine than your tone. Turning to look in Dowoon’s direction, Brian gave his friend a curious look. “I should have known to find you inside of a book!”

“What’s up?”

“Sungjin and I are going to go walk Custard down the beach. You keen?”

Smiling lightly, Brian thought how peaceful that would be. Custard was Dowoon’s pride and joy, a dog you had got for his friend for Christmas. Brian was certain Dowoon loved his canine friend more than anyone else in this house. Custard was all too eager to spend every moment – awake or asleep – with Dowoon too.

Now I’m jealous of a dog, Brian lamented, shaking his head softly. Whilst the thought of stretching his legs and attempting to take in the salty air of the sea did sound enticing, he could already see who he wanted to do that with.

And it wasn’t Dowoon, Custard or Sungjin, sadly.

“Maybe another time.”

“Alright, suit yourself! Ah, if you get peckish, Sarah has made her infamous brownie for the house guests and served up the edges on a plate in the kitchen.”

Brian chuckled. “Peckish? Us dead folk don’t need to eat.”

“Doesn’t mean it isn’t a nice concept now and then,” the tall man suggested with a shrug, giving Brian a final look before departing the room.

He contemplated the idea. Brian’s thoughts shifted back to the first time he shared a drink with you when you moved into the manor house as an adult. No longer were you simply the child who grew up in this house each summer when visiting Pearl, your grandmother. You had arrived and stirred a lot more than the dust and bric-a-brac left behind with her passing. Brian found himself smiling at the many times after you had both shared a meal together.

Maybe, Dowoon was right.

Pushing back his chair, Brian made his way out of the study and down to the kitchen, stopping in the threshold when he overheard the conversation between the occupants of the room.

“Shh! What if someone hears you talking? It will look like you’re talking to yourself!”

“Wonpil, don’t be so silly! Everyone’s being entertained in the main living room right now. We’re completely alone down here.”

“You make it sound as if you like that idea,” his friend mentioned and Brian cleared his throat noisily, his bitterness overshadowing any guilt he felt at breaking up the couple’s alone time. Wonpil, clutching his heart, heaved a little with his fright. “You could have given us fair warning!”

“Why? Your heart won’t jump out of your chest with a little scare,” Brian remarked, reaching for a piece of brownie on the table. He held it up and smiled. “I was told to come for this.”

“Yes, but Sarah’s heart could and as much as that could simplify things, I’d much rather she live out a full life until she joins us in the afterlife.”

The only living human in the room swatted a bashful hand out at Wonpil. “Stop it!”

“I won’t! You are special to me how you are!”

And that signalled Brian’s departure from the kitchen, unsure if the brooding overwhelming him stemmed from the fact that he couldn’t really taste the chocolatey goodness of the treat within his hand that he nibbled on, or because he had to agree with Wonpil to some extent.

If you weren’t just like Sarah, someone who possessed a beating heart, that would simplify things. You would be on a level playing field. Brian knew nothing was ever truly equal in relationships – dead or alive. Still, it would mean you wouldn’t be doing everything so separately. He couldn’t help you run the guest house. He wasn’t able to assist you with your guests like Sarah could. Of course, he did his fair share around the manor where he could, and you were always grateful for that. But it didn’t change the fact that if he walked into the living room right now, only you would see him. Further, you couldn’t interact with him other than in subtle ways that wouldn’t bring attention to the living.

Sensing movement by the front door that he had mindlessly wandered towards, he gave a small smile to Jae who was slipping into his jacket.

“Oh bro! Had enough of the books?”

Shrugging loosely, Brian rocked back on his heels. “What are you up to? Do you want-”

Jae tipped his head to the side as he brushed down the collar to his jacket and then grinned. “Me? It’s date night.”

“A-Again?” Brian breathed incredulously and his friend nodded.

“You know how it is. Married life is all about making sure you keep things fresh and healthy. Date night is a part of that.”

Swallowing down a bitter curse that he, in fact, did not know how any of it was, Brian smiled again, albeit more strained this time. “Where are you going?”

“Downtown theatre.”

“Aren't they only showing Little Women right now? You saw that last week.”

“Gotta keep the Mrs happy, Brian,” Jae announced and then smiled as his Mrs, also known as Becky, came into view.

Her ruby lips twisted up with disdain. “I heard you.”

“I know you did and that was why I kept my talk decent,” Jae quipped, leading his wife out the front door of the manor house with a hasty farewell wave to Brian as he left him behind.

Brian sighed heavily once the pair had gone. Even if they bickered more often than not, he was jealous of them. At least, they prioritised having a date night.

Had he ever gone out on a date with you? Sure, he spent most of his time in your company. You would wake up together, run errands in town or the closest city, sometimes walking along the beach like the others were right now. On the odd occasion, if you didn’t pass out early from exhaustion from running the bed and breakfast, you would curl up in his arms and catch up or read books together. Eventually though, you would fall asleep and a new day would arrive just like that.

Time never had much value to him until he started being with you. It felt like there was never enough of it, moments stolen in between house chores and setting up for new arrivals.

The longer he went through the catalogue of his moments with you in his mind, he realised he had never gone out of his way to call anything a date. Glancing at the large event board by the coat closet, he moved closer to inspect the decorated part of the calendar, indicating that Valentine’s Day was just around the corner. Smiling, he finished his piece of brownie with more enthusiasm before clapping his hands together.

He knew what he had to do.

You smiled brightly when you felt arms slip around your waist from behind you, instinctively leaning back and allowing Brian to step in closer. You nuzzled into him briefly. “Well hello, handsome.”

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” You gestured to the various hues of pink and red that you were using to decorate the living room. “It’s the month of love.”

“The month of love?” he echoed, chuckling softly. “I thought Valentine’s was only a day in February. One in which, I’m certain I heard you proclaim was not your cup of tea.”

Turning around in his arms, Brian grinned at your expression. You scrunched your nose up further. “If I’m honest, it is really cliché. I mean, you should show your partner that you love them every day, right?”

He didn’t answer, simply staring back at you and hoping that you could feel what he did deep down. Brian never questioned your love for him. He just wished you realised how you prioritised him in your schedule.

And how little lately.

“However, from a business standpoint, Valentine’s is the perfect time to whisk your loved one off somewhere to have a little rendezvous. We’re completely booked out for the entire week that Valentine’s falls on.”

Brian’s mood dampened. “Really? You didn’t plan to have even one day off?”

“Now why would I do that?” you questioned, moving away from him to return to your decorations.

“Because you did during Christmas.”

You laughed and shot him a look. “There’s a huge difference between both events. Besides, we had a Christmas wedding to plan for.”

“Would it take another wedding for you to take time off again?” he wondered with a heavy breath and you stopped hanging the balloons, turning back to him.

“Are you okay?”

“I was hoping we could have some time together that week. A whole day, actually.”

You cocked your head to the side, intrigued. “Why?”

“Do you know we’ve never gone on an actual date, Y/N?”

“We haven’t?” Brian shook his head and you fell silent.

“Becky and Jae go on one almost every week.”

“That’s because they can.”

“Why can’t we?” he asked, a little hurt by your response. You could tell and swallowed slowly. “Because I’m not alive?”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” you mumbled, guilt washing over you. “Not at all. Hey! We do things together all the time! We just went to the city together last week.”

“To pick up plant boxes for the vegetable patch.”

“It was fun though. And it was just you and me.”

Brian sighed. “I meant, intentional time together. I want to do things with you like a proper couple does.”

“Can we do that?” you breathed and immediately shook your hands to dismiss your doubt. “Of course we can. We will!”

“You’ll give me one day of your time?”

“How about the day before Valentine’s?” you offered and Brian began to smile. You, however, looked stressed. “I’ll just ask Sarah to step up a bit whilst we’re gone. We will have the best date ever!”

He should have known with your hesitance that this date of yours would be a disaster.

Still, when you met him out in the foyer by the front door, Brian felt hopeful. You had put in some effort to how you looked; wearing one of the dresses he knew you had dug out of your grandmother’s wardrobe. It looked perfect on you and with a hooked arm extended out to you, Brian allowed you to curl a hand around it before leading the way out to the car.

For the trip to the city, you were both excited. Conversation flowed freely as did a lot of singing. He could see how affected you were after he sang along to a Michael Buble song on the radio, the hand he had held the whole trip growing a little clammy. It satisfied Brian to know he had charms about him still.

But it all turned pear-shaped when you pulled up at the restaurant you had made a reservation at. The maître d looked at you and then frowned. “Is your lunch partner running late?”

“What? No,” you answered, smiling at Brian and then swallowing down your easy reaction. Brian stiffened at your side. “Oh. Yes, they are.”

“I’m afraid right now we’re really busy and so we’ll have to seat you up at the bar. We’ll be able to find you a table when you’re ready.”

“Can’t I just be seated at a table for two regardless?”

He shook his head at your request. “Sorry, it’s our restaurant’s rules.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Brian breathed into your ear but you shook your head subtlety.

“I’ll just go somewhere else,” you announced, turning on your heel and hurrying back out to the car.

Brian stared at you when he was seated next to you again. Your cheeks were red and he could tell it wasn’t only with annoyance. He caressed your face softly. “I didn’t think that would be a rule in a restaurant.”

“It’s fine. We’ll still eat together, Brian. Who needs to go to a restaurant like that? Even though I look like this, I can eat anywhere!”

You both ended up in the food court, your determination now tapered out as you sat across from him staring down at your sushi. The noise within the eatery was louder than the ambience at your first stop and Brian pushed down his disappointment.

This wasn’t where he wanted to take you out to eat today.

“It’s fine,” you mentioned again when you caught his gaze, smiling for his benefit. “I love sushi.”

“I know you do.”

“What’s next on the list after eating?” you asked and Brian reached out for your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I thought we could go to the museum together.”

You brightened. “I haven’t been in years.”

“It’ll be fun. You love old things,” he commented and you slyly grinned at him whilst nodding.

“You know, I really do.”

With your lunch eaten, you got back in the car to head to the museum together. A renewed energy stepped between you both as you began to look around, Brian swinging your hand in his gently as you walked around.

“Oh look!” you exclaimed, dragging him over to the Victorian section. You lit up as you inspected a selection of men’s outfits. Looking at Brian and then back at the mannequins, you giggled. “Are any of these looks for you?”

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in number three,” he breathed and you giggled. Looking towards the casual outfit on the end, Brian pointed. “That was more like me.”

“Oh, now that is very you!” you exclaimed, looking at his modern outfit and then back at what was once the type of clothes he wore. “Maybe you should try them on again?”

“I’d rather stay like this,” he announced quickly, pulling you away from the display.

For the following hour, it felt as close as it could to a date for Brian. Of course, there were a couple of instances where other viewers would step too close to him and he’d have to sidestep away quickly to avoid being walked through. Still, he was having a lot of fun and he could tell you were as well.

Yet, Brian had become aware of a small group that had been following you both around the museum, and more so of their stares in your direction.

“Who is she talking to?”

“She’s weird, don’t look at her.”

Brian attempted to ignore the jeers from them for some time before he let out a sigh, stepping in front of you with a weak smile. You placed a hand on his torso affectionately. “Hm? What’s wrong?”

“Pull out your phone.”

“It’s already in my hand,” you pointed out, now confused. “I’ve been taking photos!”

“I mean, pull it up to your ear. Do you have your earbuds? Maybe put one in.”

You slowly looked around yourself, realising what he was referring to. Brian closed his eyes to maintain his emotions, hating that you were now aware of the people whispering and looking. He wondered if it would have been better to leave you oblivious to it all.

Forcibly smiling, you pulled out your earbuds and angled your phone towards yourself so it looked like you were on a call. And from that moment out, the trip to the museum became subdued.

“Let’s forgo the gift shop and head back to the car, hm?” he offered when you had made your way back around to the exit, your head lowered in defeat. Brian rubbed your arms softly. “We can go and-”

“I want to find something to remember this outing by,” you mumbled, stepping away from him and going into the gift store. It took a few minutes for your head to lift back up to a level you could maintain without feeling uncomfortable. He could see in your eyes that you were trying to salvage the trip here. Stepping over to your side, he pointed at an arrangement of keyrings with the museum’s logo on it.

“What about one of those?”

You shook your head. “Anyone could have one of them. I want something more us.”

It was a slow process of finding something that you liked. A couple of times you got excited over an item and turned to show him it, only to stop mid-way and cast your gaze around the tiny shop to see if anyone was watching.

It was a keyring and magnet that you eventually settled on, your mood had fallen to a level that he felt he couldn’t retrieve it from. Still, Brian attempted to. “Do you want to go shopping? I’m sure we could cheer up looking at stores together.”

“I do need to get a couple of things from the mall,” you agreed quietly, driving the car to the closest one. With yourself fully armed this time from the start, you relaxed into your experience at the mall. You had done this many times together and perhaps that was why you seemed to grow your confidence again.

“Oh, let’s look in here!” you exclaimed, walking hastily towards a jewellery store. As you browsed, Brian lingered at your side, trying not to take much notice of the items. He didn’t know how to act within such a place. Of course, he wanted to take a deeper look at everything they had in stock. Although he might be a little outdated, even back in his times, he knew the importance of a fine gemstone on a necklace or ring. It made him uncomfortable because he wanted nothing more than to find something for you.

“Anything caught your eye?” you murmured when you looked back at him and Brian shrugged. Smiling, you grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the display boxes. Everything was so sparkly; it took him several blinks to actually focus on anything. You squeezed his hand before letting go, wandering around the store whilst he remained where you placed him.

Brian’s eyes were stuck on a delicate pendant. It held a blue stone within its centre, the metal surrounding it linked in a unique way to hold it together. He decided it reminded him of his love for you.

Brian didn’t even realise he was crying until he felt his cheeks were wet. You approached him calmly, peering at what caught his eye. “It’s gorgeous.”

“It is.”

“Blue topaz is your birthstone too, did you know that?”

He hadn’t but there was no way he could reply, overwhelmed by the pure need for the necklace. His eyes travelled to the price tag and sighed.

A ghost couldn’t exactly purchase anything.

“Excuse me,” you called out and Brian turned to stare at you, somewhat disconnected in the moment. He didn’t hear the rest of your sentence, but when the necklace was taken from the display and you stepped away from his side, he knew what you had done. Walking out of the store, he ran a frustrated hand through his hair, collecting himself when you bounced up to his side and waggled the gift bag. “Here you go! Ah, I’ll carry for you until we’re back at the car!”

“Why did you do that?”

You beamed at him. “Because I could see what it meant to you.”

“I wanted to get it for you,” he explained and your smile evaporated. “I can’t even get you a god damn gift!”

“Brian,” you started but he shook his head, storming away from you and going back out to the car. He laughed bitterly when he was able to slip inside without you unlocking it. Because he wasn’t bound to the same world as you were. Although he could touch you and all the things that your realm held, he wouldn’t ever truly exist in it.

This date had been the worst idea he could ever have. It highlighted all his fears. Inside the manor house, you never seemed unattainable, apart from your endless working hours. But stepping out of the house he had stayed close to for the last century and trying to do something that normal people did had been foolish. Jae and Becky were an anomaly. Brian had learned today that dating was only for people who both either had hearts that moved or had turned to dust years ago.

Brian was in the study again, this time no book was held within his grip. Instead, you had left him with the small gift bag and headed into your bedroom, locking the door behind you, your tears muffled as he had listened on until he couldn’t take it any longer.

Looking down at the velvet case on the table, Brian snapped the lid open and stared at the necklace you had bought in his stead. He closed the lid with a sigh, only to open it again, repeating his actions even though they were taking quite a toll on his energy levels. He hadn’t expected going out on a date with you to be so exhausting.

No wonder Jae always crashed the day after his outings with Becky.

The door to the study opened and closed, though Brian had no interest in tearing his gaze away from the jewellery box before him. He blinked when a hand picked it up and a low whistle left the man before him. Sungjin then chuckled. “Wow, this is real nice.”

Brian gave no response, though his fingers reached out to touch the velvet once it was back on the table.

“Did you steal it?”

“That would take a lot of energy though perhaps I would feel more at ease had I.”

Sungjin chuckled softly. “No, it wouldn’t make you feel any better. And Y/N would have felt bad too. It’s best to do things in their realm the legal way.”

“Did … did you steal something?” Brian asked, glancing up and seeing the answer in Sungjin’s face. He gaped at his friend. “What was it?”

“A brooch,” he admitted, toying with the stack of books on the edge of the desk.

Brian sucked in a dramatic breath when he realised it was the one Pearl had worn all the time. “That brooch? I thought Pearl bought it!”

“My pride was knocked around from that ordeal. It sucks having to step back when it comes to dating though, huh?”

Brian nodded glumly. “I wanted to drive the car.”

“And hold open the doors?” Sungjin offered in which his friend agreed to with another nod.

“I wanted to make Y/N feel special and enjoy herself. Instead, all we did was constantly remind one another of our differences.”

“The only true difference you both have are that you were born over a century and a half ago and Y/N is from this time we’re existing in now. Your morals will be outdated in her world.”

“Hardly, there’s more and you know it.”

Sungjin shrugged, though his gaze was less nonchalant. “There’s only more if you allow them to be there. Why focus on the unimportant stuff?”

“Sungjin, the fact that I’m dead and Y/N’s not is kind of important.”

“Is it? I wasted far too many years of Pearl’s life thinking just like that, you know. To her, all she cared about was her feelings for me and mine of hers. All couples have to learn to compromise and accept how the other is. You’ve been doing that all along. Before this desire of yours to be more than you are, you were working well together, Brian.”

“Were we? I felt like I never did anything with her,” Brian lamented and his friend moved around the desk to pat him on the shoulder.

“So tell Y/N that, not me. You didn’t need to go all out on some fancy date to let her know what’s really been bothering you.”

“Is this how Y/N feels after talking with you?” he breathed as he got to his feet and Sungjin grinned.

“Hey, I have a lot of experience with this kind of thing. It took me a damn long time to get here though. I don’t want to see either of you spend decades stuck in the wrong situation like I did with Pearl.”

“I wouldn’t let even a year pass by being away from Y/N,” Brian replied and Sungjin clapped him on the back.

“See, you’re already ahead of me. Now, how about you go let her know how you’ve been feeling!”

You were already asleep when Brian quietly entered your bedroom, slipping into the bed tentatively. When he had been alive, he had dated briefly and so the only arguments he had experienced were with those of his friends and family. Now in his afterlife, you had been his first true love. He didn’t know what was practical to do within the delicate situation afterwards, no matter how many relationships he had studied within novels over the decades. He laid still beside you, chewing on his lip until your body shifted closer, your arm soon flung over him. Brian reached for your hand gently, drawing it up to his chest and placing it there instead.

He knew when the morning arrived that he would tell you everything. Until then, he would enjoy the proximity you sought after as you dreamed, your body now pressed into him at multiple spots.

Despite his lack of actual sleep, Brian felt well-rested when you finally opened your eyes. And he smiled when you didn’t move away from him when you realised how curled up you were next to him.

“Morning.”

“Hi,” you breathed, swallowing visibly. “Brian, I’m sorry-”

“Can I go first?” he interrupted, smiling at you more warmly. He reached out to brush some of your hair away from your face. “I’ve been waiting all night long to tell you how I feel and I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

“Did you not sleep?” He shook his head softly and you gasped. “Brian! You should have woken me up so you could get some sleep after talking!”

“I don’t need to sleep every night, remember?”

“Still,” you mumbled, pouting for effect.

“Can I tell you my thoughts?” he asked and you nodded softly, your gaze not leaving his. Brian smiled, reminding himself to actually start talking instead of admiring the way you respected that he needed to talk. He felt foolish for a fleeting moment.

He knew he could have told you all this before and you would have listened at any stage.

“I took you out on that date yesterday because I had convinced myself that was what was missing from us. I saw everyone around us doing their own thing with those that matter the most to them and believed that to do that with you too, I needed to step up, to do more couple focused events.”

“I did enjoy the concept of going out with you, Brian.”

“I know,” he told you, reaching out to cup your cheek in his hand, his thumb gently running along your skin. “And in the future, I hope we can do other things together out of the house. But the real reason for my attempt is that I stopped valuing my place here with you,”

You frowned. “What do you mean? You are everything to me!”

“So is your business,” he pointed out, sighing when your brows knitted together. “I started to feel it was easier to focus on the living as opposed to me because their needs are more visible here.”

Touching his neck with your hand, you smiled. “You’re visible to me too. But I do understand, I think. Things have been really busy when people started asking for longer stays and I went from working a certain amount of days to seven days a week.”

“Are you tired?”

You nodded. “I thought I had to prove more of myself with running the bed and breakfast. I got greedy from my success. Even when I was tired, I was consumed with doing better.”

“I wish I could help you with it and that we could run this together. But my place here doesn’t stand out as much as yours.”

“Really? You’re my favourite to talk about around the fireplace. A lot of people leave here charmed by this mysterious man they have seen the portrait of in the hallway. Don’t tell the others but you’re a crowd favourite. Must be these handsome looks of yours.”

Brian smirked. “I think it’s all down to how much you talk me up.”

“You know, it’s not the same, but I hope you know you’re welcome in the room during the times when I’m entertaining. You’ve shared your stories with me in the past and I relay them. But you could be there to help me with them. And in return, I’ll try to find balance with how much I let this place overrun me. As much as I love sharing my joy for the manor, all the people who live here are the true reason this house is magical to me. You are my longest friend, Brian. Before all this-”

You gestured between you both with a proud smile before continuing. “-you and the others were my five childhood friends who I felt safe around. I still feel safe here and I don’t believe I’m missing out on anything just because I can’t go eat in a fancy restaurant with you. I’d much rather cook together here.”

“Do you know I adore how honest you are?” he wondered, moving to rest his forehead on yours. “Here I was withholding my feelings because I worried we weren’t real enough.”

“Oh, we’re real, Brian. I realised yesterday on the trip home that I was more embarrassed with myself than I was with our unique relationship. I don’t need approval from anyone but myself to love you.”

“If you could choose to wait for a lifetime where we’re alive together or keep what we have now, even with its differences, would you still choose now?”

You nodded immediately and his heart soared. “Of course. Besides, you promised along with Jae, Dowoon, Wonpil and Sungjin that you’d stay with me here until I’m joining you all over in the afterlife. This is just the entrée to our love together.”

“Are you hungry? You keep talking about food,” he asked with a chuckle and you giggled, nodding.

“I want to go make pancakes.”

“Why pancakes?”

“Well, it’s a special day for a lot of our guests but more so for us.”

“It is?”

You nodded. “Don’t you remember one year where I stayed here as a kid because my parents had to go on a business trip and my grandmother was unwell so you five all stood over the stovetop attempting to make a batch of pancakes for me to eat?”

“You remember that? God, I have all the time in the world to replay my existence and yet you recall that far more easily than I would. Was that Valentines Day?”

You nodded, pulling away from him and padding across your room to a familiar book on your shelf, slipping something out of it. Coming back over to the bed, you crawled to his side and handed over the card. Brian chuckled as he opened it. “You still have this?”

“You were my first Valentine.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in today?”

“I believe love should be shown every day, I’ve admitted that. But I do believe in this day. Not for the reason a lot of others do, just for the fact that it makes me think of you all.”

Brian leaned in to kiss you before brushing your hair away from your face. “You were my first Valentine too.”

“I doubt it. I bet you had ladies lining up for your hand. Look at you! So charming that even the mistresses of the house you served no doubt harboured feelings for you!”

“Are you jealous if they did?” he wondered, following you as you got up from the bed and headed out into the hallway, taking the path to the kitchen. Since it was early, none of the guests were out of their rooms yet.

You shot Brian a look. “Why be jealous when I have you now!”

“Who’s jealous?” Jae enquired when you both arrived in the kitchen, Brian surprised by the full turn out. Aside from Sarah who hadn’t stayed at the manor last night, the full-time residents were all seated at the table in the room.

“I am!” Sungjin proclaimed, pointing to everyone in the room. “Pearl can’t come to visit any time soon like she did over Christmas. Look at all these couples around me.”

Wonpil shook his head. “My love isn’t here yet.”

“Love? So it’s to that point already?” Becky breathed in amazement, clasping her friend’s hand in hers. And then she turned to you. “Y/N, is there a reason you wanted us all here today?”

“It’s pancake day,” you announced and went to retrieve two boxes of premixed pancake mix from the cupboard.

Dowoon grinned and stopped rubbing his dog’s tummy. “You really trust us to make these?”

“I think we’ll be tempting fate again,” Jae agreed, shuddering as Becky stared at her husband in confusion. Jae sighed heavily. “We were in charge of feeding Y/N one year when Pearl was unwell. It took us forty minutes to serve up the world’s worst breakfast.”

“It was my favourite breakfast,” you corrected, handing a box to Sungjin and Wonpil each. “And it’s Valentines. Can’t we all have some time together before I go make my guests feel the magic in the air or whatever it is?”

It was chaotic, to say the least. Still, after all the years that had passed, none of them had mastered the art of cooking in your realm. It wasn’t as if they truly needed to, given spirits didn’t need food to sustain themselves like you did. But thankfully this time, Becky was here and she managed to deter Jae from putting too much batter onto the pan at a time.

Watching everyone with a smile on his face, Brian quietly left the room to retrieve the necklace from the study, taking it out of the velvet box and marvelling at it as he carried it back to the kitchen. It would take him some time to fully accept his pride would be knocked about in this relationship. He decided he would attempt to make you things in the future when wanting to give you a proper gift. Still, he knew that this came from him despite how it fell into his hands.

And when Brian saw you again, he didn’t hesitate to sling it around your neck, doing up the clasp to the chain. You turned and slipped your arms around his waist. “I love you, Brian.”

“I love you too.”

“Hey, Valentine’s is for us all right?” Dowoon exclaimed and clapped his hands together. “I love you all! But I love Custard justttt a bit more.”

“Just a bit? I’m offended.”

“Jae, do you love me more than everyone here or not?” Becky offered with a smile and he chuckled.

“No, I love everyone more than you.”

“Hey!”

And just like that, the room filled with laughter and exclamations, much like it always did when you all were together.

And as Brian held your hand within his, he realised that he liked Valentine’s a whole lot more than he ever had. It wasn’t about being the perfect date. Or having the best relationship either. Even though he had new ideas and couldn’t wait to spend more alone time with you.

But for now, he was surrounded by everyone he adored. And if Valentine’s was the day of love, then he knew he would be full from this year’s one.

_________________

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petersasteria · 4 years

Text

Memory - Peter Parker

Pairing: Peter x Reader

Requested? Nah

Inspired by “Memory” from Cats and “Memories” from the OST of Spiderverse

* * * *

Peter had been working part time at his aunt's flower shop across their apartment building. He loved to see different people buying flowers for different purposes. He loved to arrange them. He especially loved them whenever they'd get a special request to arrange flowers for a wedding. He loves everything about the shop and the flowers.

Peter thinks that flowers are classic and it never gets old and it never goes out of style and it never disappoints. He vividly remembers his uncle Ben giving flowers everyday to aunt May and it never failed to make his aunt smile.

Now that his uncle has met his untimely demise, his aunt is now leaving flowers everyday on his uncle's grave. She said it gave her peace and it made her happy.

So it was no surprise that the moment Peter saw you at school and wanted to get to know you, he wanted to give you flowers... or at least just one flower a day, because he didn't want to scare you off with a bouquet. He would tape the stem of the flower to your locker and leave a sticky note that says: "have a great day! -your secret admirer"

He gave you different flowers everyday, because he didn't know what you liked. But thanks to MJ, he found out that you loved tulips.

"I know about you giving Y/N a different flower everyday." MJ told him one day at the cafeteria. Peter looked at her and played dumb, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I literally saw you sticking it on her locker this morning before she arrived." MJ smirked.

"Wow, congrats! You caught me. Want a cookie for that?" Peter said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"After what I'm about to tell you, I think I deserve a cookie." the girl smiled at the brunette.

Peter looked at her with curiosity, "What are you going to tell me?"

"She loves tulips." MJ told him before paying attention to her book again. Without looking at Peter she added, "She loves pink and yellow tulips. I know, because I caught her drawing them in class today with pastel colored highlighters. She told me she painted those all the time. She's really talented in painting. I asked her to paint me a dahlia and I'll pay for it. My room is kinda empty, so her painting might bring life in my room."

Ever since he found out, he'd alternately leave pink and yellow tulips everyday on your locker. Until one day, Peter finally had gathered enough courage to hand the flowers to you personally. He stood in front of your locker with six tulips in hand. Three pink tulips and three yellow ones. The second he saw you, he swore you took his breath away.

You looked at him and smiled. You walked closer to him until you were standing in front of him, "I didn't expect you to be the type of guy to give flowers, Parker." Peter just chuckled and handed you the little bouquet he arranged for you. You gladly accepted them and smiled, "I really love these. Thank you for giving me flowers everyday."

"Y-Y/N, will you be my-my girlfriend?" Peter stammered. You beamed and nodded, "Yes!"

Present Day

You and Peter have been together since you were sixteen. Both of you are now twenty-three years old and you guys have never been happier. Although recently, you've been arguing a lot and it seemed easier to argue with the other person now that you live together.

"She's literally just a girl from work, Y/N!! You're my girlfriend! You mean more to me that she does!" Peter shouts.

Both of you are currently standing in the living room of your shared apartment as you continued your screaming match. It started thirty minutes ago when Peter got home from a photo shoot. He's a professional photographer and while you supported his job, you didn't like the way his assistant looks at him. You knew she liked him, but Peter was too blind to see that.

"You do know that the word 'more' is used for comparison, right? So, when you say that I mean more to you, that means she still means something to you but I'm a step ahead." You sass, putting your hands on your hips.

"Oh, don't act smart with me now. You know what I fucking mean!" Peter scoffs, crossing his arms.

"Actually, no I don't because you spend more time with her than you spend time with me!" you accusingly point at him as you raise you voice.

Peter's jaw drops and pulls his hair, "Are you hearing yourself right now?! I only spend time with her, because she's my co-worker and assistant! You don't see me hanging out with her after work, do you?? I go straight home after work and I hang out with you! How am I supposed to know that you're not cheating on me with that guy from your work?"

"Who?!" you ask, confusion written all over your face.

"Jonathan!" Peter throws his hands in the air and falls to his side. You throw your head back in annoyance before looking at him, "Here we go again with Jonathan! I'm not cheating on you with him and don't you dare turn this on me!"

"That's totally unfair! You're allowed to think that I'm supposedly cheating on you with Becky, but I'm not allowed to think that you're supposedly cheating on me with Jonathan??? FUCK YOU, Y/N!!!" Peter yells, showing you two middle fingers.

"FUCK YOU TOO!!" you yell.

Peter puts down his hands and looks away from you to calm himself down. He looks at the tulips, nearly dying, in the vase on the coffee table. You calmed yourself down too.

"I can't do this right now." Peter whispers. He grabs his backpack from the couch and his keys. "I'm sleeping at May's. I'll see you in the morning when we've both cooled down." You didn't get a chance to say anything, because he left immediately, slamming the door in the process.

To say that you were sad the following morning was an understatement. You knew you messed up and you desperately want to apologize to Peter, but he's not home yet. You wanted to hug him and kiss him and tell him how sorry you were for starting that stupid argument. Your thoughts were interrupted when you hear your phone ringing. You grab your phone from the night stand and your heart races when you see May's caller ID.

Something's wrong.

You immediately answer the phone and gasp at the news May just told you. "I'll be right there." you quickly get dressed and drove to the hospital where Peter was.

You arrived there and asked the reception where his room is. They tell you and you quickly make your way to Peter's room. You knock on the door before entering. You see the love of your life laying down with his eyes closed. His head is bandaged up and he has a few scratches here and there.

"Y/N!"

You look over to see May sitting on the chair next to Peter's bed. You didn't notice her there before. You sit next to her and ask what happened.

"Well, he was on his way back to your shared apartment. He said you guys had an argument and that maybe resolving it in the morning would make it okay. Before leaving, he got you a big bouquet of pink and yellow tulips. There were twenty-four tulips and I know because he said he wanted twelve of each. Then when he was crossing the street, a truck came out of nowhere and hit him. Thank god he's okay, though. I don't want to lose him too." May sniffs. She hands you the slightly ruined bouquet of flowers and you gladly accepted them.

"The doctors said that he'll wake up soon. We'll just have to wait. He's not suffering anything serious, though." May gives you a small smile.

"That's good." you smile. "He'll be okay. He's strong."

May eventually had to leave, because she needed to open the flower shop. You stayed and called your boss to say that you can't come to work due to an emergency. Thankfully, your boss said it was okay. Around lunch time, you leave Peter's room to buy some food.

What you didn't expect was the moment you came back, Peter was already awake. You smile and put the food on the table and you sit on the chair beside his bed.

"Peter, you're awake!" you says in a hushed voice, not wanting to startle him. He looks around before his eyes land on yours. Tears of joy streamed down your face as you smile at him brightly. "May and I were so worried about you! And-"

"Who are you?"

Your smile drops. Is this some kind of sick joke?

"Where am I? Why am I here?" Peter questions as he tries to sit up. You immediately pushed the button to call the nurse and they came in with a doctor immediately.

They check up on him and the doctor turns to you, "We'll run some tests and we'll come back to tell you the result. In the mean time, just calm down." They leave and you pull out your phone to infrom May about the situation.

"So...who are you?" Peter looks at you warily.

"I'm Y/N; your girlfriend. We've been dating since we were sixteen." you tell him as you hold his hand. Peter nods, "How old are we now?"

"Twenty-three."

"....That's a long time." Peter says in shock.

"Yeah, but we're happy, so it doesn't matter." you give him a tight-lipped smile. Peter just nods and looks out the window. The doctor comes back and clears his throat, "I have the result back and Peter is suffering from memory loss."

"Will he get his memories back?" you ask.

"Yeah, eventually. Telling him some significant things will help him remember easier." the doctor smiles. "We'll keep him here overnight for a few more tests and tomorrow, he can go."

It's been a week since Peter got home and you and May thought it was best for him to stay with her for a while until he gets his memories back. Your apartment without Peter was lonely, but it's near your workplace so, you didn't really have a choice but to stay there.

May kept you up to date with Peter's progress and he could remember small things like what school he went to, where he lived, his birthday, uncle Ben's passing, etc.

It's a slow progress, but at least there's something.

Peter wasn't allowed to work yet until he regains his memories so, Becky, his assistant has been doing his job. You've been helping out too, because there are some things where Peter's decision was needed and only you can answer for them. Of course while you were there, you confronted Becky.

"Thanks, Y/N!" Becky faked a smile before she turned around to leave.

"Becky!" you called out. She turned to you once more with a bored expression, "Hmm?"

"I know you like my boyfriend. Can you do me a favor and, like, fuck off? He's taken and if you think that he'll leave me; if you think he'll end our 7 year relationship for you, then you're wrong, sweetie." you sneered.

Becky scoffed and left. You smirked to yourself, "Thank fuck." you muttered.

May suggested that helping around the flower shop might regain some of his memories. So, Peter started helping out even though he didn't really know what to do. May didn't mind teaching him again.

Peter is busy arranging a bouquet of flowers when he hears the bell chime, a sign that a customer has come in. He didn't pay attention to it, because May was quick to handle it.

"I'd like twenty-four tulips please." the customer says.

Peter stopped what he was doing and holds his head. May takes notice of this and gives him a questioning glance. Peter gives her a tight-lipped smile and mouths "I'm okay."

May nods before turning to the customer again, "What colors do you like?"

The customer hums in response as they take a second to think, "I'm kind of torn between the pink and yellow tulips. I love them both, but I can't seem to pick one color."

"Why not both?" May suggests.

Peter knew she didn't mean it, but something in him got triggered and his head started to hurt even more. He closes his eyes in pain and as soon as he did, all his memories came flashing back.

He quickly opens his eyes and turns to May, "I remember everything now." May smiles and opens her mouth to say something, but Peter cuts her off, "I have to go! Thank you so much, May! I'll see you soon!"

Peter rushes out the shop and makes his way to where you are. He remembers that you're not in your office and that today is your day off. He smiles at the thought of seeing you again and soon enough, he's knocking on the door of your shared apartment.

He hears footsteps coming to the door and smiles when you open it.

"Peter! What are you doing here?" you ask in shock and happiness. You didn't expect him to be there, because you usually visit him and not the other way around.

Peter engulfs you in a tight hug and nuzzles his face on your neck. You didn't hesitate to wrap your arms around him, "Are you okay?"

Peter nods before pulling away and smiling, "I remember everything now."

You smile widely at him and say, "Oh my god! I-"

Peter cuts you off with a kiss filled with love and longing. You kiss him back and smile through the kiss. He pulls away after a while and says, "I love you. I don't want us to fight like that again."

"I love you more, Pete. I don't want us to fight like that too." you smile at him as you let him in and close the door.

Having Peter back home made you really happy and you didn't feel lonely anymore. You spent the whole day talking about what he missed and he told you about how he remembered everything until both of you fell asleep on the couch and you wouldn't have it any other way.

* * * *

thank you @lovingsiriusoswald for the help <3

Tagging mutuals: @myblueleatherbag @fanficparker @sweetdespairbarnes @tommysparker @lcvelyparkers

#peter parker #peter parker one shots #peter parker one shot #peter parker imagines #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fanfic #peter parker fic #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #in-a-lot-of-fanfoms-tbh

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 4 years

Text

Chuck, Becky, Leviathan, Cas, and writing endings

The new improved Becky is what happens outside of Chuck’s manipulations. Chuck didn’t have any more need for her in the story so she could just develop as her own person, not as a character. She went to therapy, she looked back to her past actions and mistakes with a clear critical eye, she dedicated her life to creating things that brought her joy, lived her passions in a healthy constructive way; she had a husband and kids... and Chuck makes everything disappear, in a terrible mirror of Amara disintegrating Metatron.

There was no real reason for Chuck to make Becky or her family disappear, just a whim; because she represents everything he and his writing are not and he does not understand.

He claims fans like monsters, like the Leviathan; she says fans like for the characters to talk, to have breaks from monsters to just live in domesticity. She represents fan fiction, of course, and he represents a certain way of doing storytelling, where characters are not given the space to talk and grow and heal. The Leviathan were a particular monster that represented an allegory for the lowest moment in Dean’s life and psyche (gosh, I had read such a great post about the topic many years ago but never found it again...). Also, the Leviathan were written as an anti-Cas figure, and Chuck deliberately leaves Cas out of his ending, leaves Cas away from the Winchesters. Also, the Leviathan represented Dean’s mental illness while Sam’s own was represented by his hallucinations of Lucifer, and Sam’s nightmare in this episode has a lot of Lucifer-Sam vibes.

So Chuck states to love the monster that represents all of Dean’s issues with identity and mental health, and who also represents the antithesis of Cas, and of course what Cas’ presence in Dean’s life means for him. Becky objects that the story the way Chuck wrote it is awful, because it’s too dark and hopeless; she also lists the absence of any mention of Cas as a flaw. Becky understands something about storytelling that Chuck doesn’t understand at all, as already highlighted by his favorable comment about the ending of Game of Thrones. Chuck thinks that the important thing is for a story to make the fan have some kind of emotional reaction, but he cannot see that there are good and bad emotional reactions to a story, especially an ending. It’s a discussion this fandom has had at the time of Charlie’s death (it can be read indeed as a reply to things that had been said at the time) and that other fandoms have gone through (The Magicians after Quentin’s death, for instance). The ending of Game of Thrones and Avengers Endgame have elicited a lot of emotional response, but overwhelmingly negative because of the objectively abysmal quality of the writing: fury and disappointment are a reaction, but not a good one, and arguably not better than no reaction (of course, if you only care about money, even bad reactions create revenue, but that’s a different matter).

Chuck does not understand that tragedy, that characters going through pain and terrible things, need to have a function, need to elicit specific emotional reactions in the fans, that are not anger and fury. The fans must not be left with a sense of betrayal, which is what happens when the story is just bleak and by the end you don’t really know which was the point of dedicating time and energy of your life to it.

Chuck wants to make the same kind of mistakes some very real storytellers of our time have been making. If the characters end up exactly the way there were at the beginning (may that be alone, sad, depressed, isolated, trapped in some abusive dynamic, what people said you’d be, what people feared you’d be, or even literally at the same period in time their journey started) what was the point of investing your enthusiasm and energies and time (and if you produce and/or consume fanworks, we’re talking about a lot of energies and time you invest overall in the thing!) in something that just... took these characters, made them suffer, and didn’t really do anything with that suffering?

And here’s the salt against Sera Gamble comes in. Because her stunt as a showrunner in this show is the closest the show has come to that kind of ending, the bleak hopeless ending where the characters just end up like they were at the beginning, having lost everything they had found during the journey.

Chuck insists with the Leviathan for this very reason. The Leviathan arc--which I adore in retrospect because it was not the end--represents the Worst(TM). It represents Dean’s issues condensed in one monster (while Sam’s hallucinations represents his).

(We interrupt our regular broadcasting to say something that has literally nothing to do with the topic of this post: what if they had left the head of the Leviathan inside Cas’ body instead of Dick Roman’s?? what would have the season been like?? We thank you for your attention and now return to our regular broadcasting.)

Fans liked the Leviathan, Chuck says. I think this can be translated to: fans like Dean the way he is Supposed To Be(TM), depression wrapped in identity issues wrapped in a bottomless pit of longing with no hope of filling wrapped in being trapped in unhealthy family dynamics that eat him up and everyone else wrapped in being “poison”. (That’s the Leviathan. Blackness with no appearance of its own, just a hungry mouth able to cannibalize itself, that puts poison in people’s food. Depression, lack of a solid identity, hunger/longing/disordered eating/etc, issues in interpersonal dynamics...)

If you widen the thing to the others too, you have Chuck channeling an attitude found in certain fandom circles: we want Dean and Sam with their issues, with their ~toxic codependency~, we don’t want them to grow and recover, we don’t want them to have other people in their lives, we don’t want their relationship to become healthy, because otherwise that wouldn’t be Supernatural.

Becky answers that that would be just a shitty ending. Most fans, the healthy ones, don’t want the dark hopeless ending, because that would just empty the whole story of meaning and significance. We don’t actually want the Leviathan, we want the anti-Leviathan, i.e. Cas, what Cas represented in season 7 and still does. The handpicked honey versus the poisoned corn syrup, the handmade sandwich versus the drug sandwich. The reversal of the dive into depression and suicidal attitude. Boning Dick together. Becky is us, the ones who understand the cathartic and folkloric function of storytelling, who get disappointed when white straight dudes with overlarge egos want to write edgy and ~surprise the audience~ (because the audience saw the character development and patterns and foreshadowing, so they decide to ignore all of that and do something different). Becky wants the story to go beyond the monsters and focus on the relationships and the ways the characters can grow and put themselves back together after the plot shattered them.

Stretching it a little--Chuck says Gamble rights and Becky says Carver rights. The dark hopeless ending won’t do, storytelling rules say we need to take our characters apart but then we need to put them back together (over and over, if the show gets renewed, of course, but still). I’m very looking forward to the next episode because from what we’ve gotten from the promo, there’s some heavy callbacks to the Mark of Cain arc. We talk about the Carver era tomorrow...

#my spn thoughts #spn meta #spn 15x04 #season 7 #storytelling #spn

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httphonsool · 4 years

Text

red velvet cookies

synopsis; in which you would love to stop loving min yoongi, but those damned red velvet cookies are not helping

word count: 5, 127

time taken: 5 hours

warnings: angst, heartache, unrequited love I suppose, roommate!Yoongi, Student!Yoongi, I suppose there’s some Fboy!Yoongi if you wanna think about it like that and there’s implied smut so beware aha

notes;Okay, so this took me like five hours from yesterday and today altogether and I guess I’m happy with the result, lemme know what you think and feel free to suggest ideas for more imagines/one-shots/short series :)))

I’ll try and make a masterlist or something to keep up with all the fics

It was never soft with him, no, interacting with this man had always been blunt and harsh as if you were treading on fragile ice, just waiting for things to come crashing down around you, at certain times you felt like the tension was building up; maybe today was the day it would all blow up, after all, the relationship the two of you had built throughout the year and six months you had been living together was insecure, vulnerable, the little interaction between the two of you precious and unreliable, yet you still yearned for more, though you knew what you wanted would not be given to you; that you were being selfish and greedy, you knew should have respected it for what it was, but the heart always wants more, you couldn’t blame your heart for that, right?

All you wanted was to have a…stronger relationship with this man, you wanted the precious, fragile interactions to grow with this man- this man that was strange, a mystery to the naked eye, a man who you would only know if you were around him more than often, and thank God you could say that you were around him more than anyone else, this man had mastered the act of hating you, precisely just because he did, and it hurt more than anything to know that.

He would come back from classes (He’s majoring in Music Production, another beautiful reason you want him closer to you), completely ignoring you all the while, even when you said hello and asked him how his day had been, especially when you ask him how his day’s been, all you want is for him to complain about his day to you God, you would give anything, anything to listen to his voice, his soothing voice.

His voice, that deserves millions and billions of poems and literature written about it on its own, to you: it’s perfection, it calms you; reminds you of how the waves crash on rocks, listening to it makes you giddy like a high school girl, makes you feel like you’re floating in clouds, like you’re frolicking through a meadow with the love of your life. His voice brings you comfort, more comfort than any Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream could ever bring you. My God, you remember the first time you heard him laugh, yet it wasn’t because of you, no, how could it? No, it was that stupid, dumb, sorority girl: you were sitting on the couch binge-watching Teen Wolf (because who doesn’t love Stiles Stilinski, Dylan O’Brien was hot), he came in with his dear old Stephanie into your slightly spacious apartment which somehow you’ve managed to afford, she made some dumb joke about you about how she honestly doesn’t know how he manages to live with you because you disgust him and he laughed, very hard, he laughed because he was drowning in the way this Becky girl was basically made for him, had the same sense of humour, perfect in looks (whereas you disgusted him for some reason) and you were drowning because your heart wrenched, no, it ached because this, for you, confirmed you’d never be able to make him happy like that, for God’s sake he didn’t even like you, he thought you were disgusting, the definition of disgusting, as good old Stephanie had said. You couldn’t be mad at him though, how could you? How could you when that laugh gave you life? Dragged you out of your darkest nightmare, filled you with pure joy on your worst day? Though, you still felt like complete and utter shit due to her comment, all was made better when you found several tubs of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream in the freezer, you didn’t know whether Yoongi had brought it for himself (you assumed he had) or whether it was for you, because you had been crying earlier in your room, although, you were hoping no one had heard you as you had been embarrassed enough in the moment, you took the ice cream anyway because even if it made Yoongi angry that you stole what was his, at least he would notice you, at least he would acknowledge you for the first time in weeks.

☆

The second time you heard him laugh was when he was talking to his mother, ah, his mother, at least she acknowledged you, you remember the first time she met you whilst visiting her beloved Yoongi, she had brought you red velvet cookies, your favourite, you didn’t know whether she knew those were your favourite but it did make you feel as if you were loved for once, since Yoongi wasn’t capable of loving someone like you, and God damn, those cookies were better than the store bought ones you always got, after a while, his mother’s visits became more frequent and not only for her son, but for you too, your frequent ‘Mrs. Min’ became ‘Eomma,’ because she felt that you were basically her child at this point, and you were hoping, praying, begging that this would maybe also bring you closer to this Min Yoongi man that had claimed your heart- no, had claimed soul, your heart and your body and mind completely and utterly because of the way he acted around others, it may not have been healthy but it was the whole truth, one that would always haunt you.

You don’t know when you fell for him, to be honest you didn’t want to, your entire life you were trying to best to stay away from boys. In your mind, all they did was cause trouble: you’d seen countless women in your life crying because a man had broken their heart, you remember seeing your best friend, your best friend, a girl whom you’d known for almost your whole life, crying because her boyfriend had cheated on her, she claimed she loved him, poor soul thought it was her fault, that it was because she wasn’t good enough and you never understood that until you met Yoongi, sure you dated other guys, but you never dated someone for longer than a month, claiming they’ll break your heart, which is a joke now that you look at how long you’ve been living with Yoongi, how long you’ve been pining after him with love that you cannot even begin to describe.

☆

You don’t know what it was or how it started, maybe it was the way he was so warm to his friends, the way he would take care of them, often letting them sleep over if they were drunk or inviting them over and cooking for them just because they hadn’t eaten, maybe it was the way he would take to his mother every night before bed and laugh and talk to her with so much respect and love, maybe it was the small things he did: how he would leave a painkiller somewhere near you every single time you complained about your headache or any pain in general, or like how sometimes you and your friend would go out and get drunk (usually you would drink with the pain of loving Yoongi on your mind) and you would wake up with hangover shots by your bedside, or like the time you fell asleep crying on the couch and you woke up in your bed comfortably tucked in, but no, oh God no, don’t mistake those small gestures for his care, no he does that because he’s a good person, you know that, you know he probably does it for all the girls he’s dated (there’s a lot of them, and that proves he’s more than capable of loving anyone except you, and that really fricken hurts).

Maybe that’s why you’re sitting in front of him on the kitchen counter right now, observing him as he eats.

“Hey,” You smile at him; you know there won’t be a reply, at least not one longer than a second. He briefly looks into your eyes, a stone hard expression blooming on his face.

“How was your day?” You ask, honestly, why do you bother? Oh, right, because you’re in love with him.

Stupid girl, still trying for him even after all this time, you think.

“It was okay,” Hold on a minute, you think you just made history; he’s actually talking to you.

Maybe it was just a really good day, your thoughts wander.

“Was class fun?” You ask hesitantly, you could cut the tension with a knife at this point, all parties could feel it. You don’t get a reply this time, but you’re satisfied with the fact that he ever replied at all.

You still can’t comprehend how you could love him this much, how you could bend your back, break your bones for a man who has the capability to love anyone but you, you still can’t comprehend why you still make him breakfast when you’re leaving early for class, why you still bake red velvet cookies (his mother gave you the recipe) and make loads of extras for him because all of a sudden since you first met his mother it became his favourite as well (at least, that’s according to his mother), you can’t comprehend why you still make him lunch and dinner while he’s out, why you’re always playing with his dog because sometimes Yoongi is busy out somewhere (you don’t know where, you never know where) maybe with a girl, and his dog needs the attention, you do it because you love him, also because you love his dog, Holly, but you’ve come to realise Min Holly and Min Yoongi have claimed your heart completely, clutching it with a grasp that was squeezing the life out of you because my God did you love Yoongi, and at times you wish you had never even spared a glance at him, that you had ignored him and taken up the offer of the date that a male friend of yours had offered, because ignoring people seems to be working out fricking amazingly for him.

So now, as you sit on your bed after the hopeful kitchen situation, you can’t help but think about how screwed you are, because today marks a year and six months of living with Yoongi and yet you’re still not done with him, not over him like you wish you would be, but wait- there was a way was there not? You had been offered a date the other night with one of your close guy friends: turns out he’d liked you for almost a year now and oh how you wished you had just fallen for him instead and not Goddamn Yoongi, but it’s okay because you told him you’d get back to him.

And get back to him you will.

“Hey, Baekhyun? I don’t know if you remembered but…”

☆

You’re standing in front of Yoongi’s bedroom door, ready to tell him you’ll be out for the night and to tell him that he needs to wash the dishes while you’re out because you’ll be staying out late, of course, he doesn’t need to know you’re going on a date, but for some reason you just want this to be your last attempt at him, you want him to be bothered by the fact that you’re on a date, you want him to stop you from going on that date, of course, you know it’s ridiculous, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like girls like you, actually no that’s wrong; Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically. You turn the door handle, the ice cold material burning a hole through your hands, your whole body shaking at the sight of him because WOW Min Yoongi was so beautiful it was angelic, his perfect silver hair balanced and rooted on his head, his golden skin glistening in the dim glow of his ceiling light, his eyes, usually stone cold when he stares at you but right now as he’s working on some kind of song with headphones in a small smile planted on his face, he looks content- something you could never, and I mean never make him, because remember: Min Yoongi, doesn’t like you, as in you specifically.

He can feel your stare on him burning holes through his head, and you swear you’ve never seen him whip his neck to look at you that quick.

“What is it?” He asks, wow, look at that he speaks once more; you smile as you reflect on it.

“I just wanted to let you know I was going on a date, so would you mind doing the dishes because I’ll probably be out late,” you answer hesitantly.

Nothing, he says nothing, he just nods and turns away, and you’ve never felt shittier than you do now because damn, not even you going on a date all prettied up can make him interested in you, and that’s when you know for sure: Min Yoongi really doesn’t care about you, and that was the final stab in the gut, except the stab came with pain, absolutely excruciating pain as if you had broken your ribs and shattered your collar bones but multiply that by a million.

Min Yoongi doesn’t love you back, and he never will.

☆

Your date wasn’t special, it wasn’t even close to being good, maybe it was because you were still wholly devoted to loving Yoongi who you just couldn’t get rid of, Min Yoongi was like the annoying piece of gum that sticks to the back of your shoe and takes a while to get off, the only difference is he won’t fricking get off, and you’re tired of it, because you could have moved on with beautiful Baekhyun, Baekhyun who claimed to have liked you for almost a year, Baekhyun who could have loved you and cherished you more than Yoongi ever could, because Baekhyun was showing you that he liked you, loved you even, but if Yoongi didn’t love you, could anyone, really?

You didn’t know what it was, why it was, even, but the whole mood was off the entire night, it wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault no, no, it was Yoongi’s, because the entire time you’d been talking to Baekhyun, all you’d been thinking about was Yoongi’s gummy, wholesome smile, how Baekhyun could never compare to him, because Yoongi was Yoongi, Yoongi was the man you were in love with, the man you would break yourself for because you just loved him that much even though you really, truly wish you didn’t, but the heart wants what it wants, and your heart really, really wants Yoongi.

But now, this date had brewed up a new emotion inside of you: anger. You were angry because of your inability to stop loving Yoongi, you were angry because Yoongi always would and always will occupy your thoughts when he’s not around, angry because why, why couldn’t you move on? You thought this would work, that maybe Baekhyun could shift the entire centre of your world, you thought maybe he was the trigger you needed to pull to finally be able to move on, apparently not so because even after a date with Baekhyun at some fancy restaurant where you did fancy things like drink wine and talk about your day (something you never did with Yoongi, because Yoongi didn’t care), you were still deep down the rabbit hole which was named Loving Yoongi, because that man had claimed you whether you wanted it or not, whether he cared or not, you were in love.

And, boy, you really wish you weren’t.

☆

So now, as you stand outside your apartment door as Baekhyun kisses your cheek and wishes you a good night, you can’t help but wish that maybe… just maybe Yoongi will talk to you about it, maybe there was still a chance, though you know that there was absolutely no chance of you and Yoongi at this point, but the alcohol you’ve consumed throughout the night is blurring your thoughts and even though it was only three glasses of wine you can’t help but not think straight, and unfortunately the alcohol acts for you when you walk in and see Yoongi surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol, eyes rimmed with red, tears streaking his cheeks whilst holding an almost empty bottle of wine and the first thing you want to do is run forwards and cradle your poor baby in your arms even though you know you shouldn’t because he won’t want that but, surprisingly, as your drunken state forces you to take him into your arms and stroke your hands through his hair, his soft, luscious hair, he easily complies, letting you take him in, sobs wracking his body whilst your heart wrenches and God, you felt selfish to even think of it because your baby was hurting so much but you think you’re hurting more than him because it’s like someone’s just twisted a knife in your gut but worse. So, hushed whispers are exchanged along with words of support because he’s Yoongi, your Yoongi, and you’re in love with him and you just want to help.

“Di-did you have fun?” He’s still crying and his usual soothing voice that brings you comfort is now bringing you pain,

“God, it doesn’t matter, what’s wrong, please tell me,” You’re crying now too, because seeing the man you’re in love with, seeing your Min Yoongi, the man that barely ever smiles at you, crying is making you hurt more than any other action he’s done.

“I hope you had fun, ___, and I’m sorry, you told me to do the dishes but I-I haven’t, I’m sorry,” His sobs get louder with each words and your heart is aching, no, it’s shattering because your boy is crying, he’s broken and drunk and you’ve never seen him like this, and it’s terrifying you to death.

“Yoongi,” you whisper softly into his ear, “I don’t care about the dishes, I care about you, you stupid boy, I’ve always cared about you, wasn’t it obvious?” Your head’s telling you shouldn’t be saying this, you know you shouldn’t but here you are still spilling your guts out to him, whilst he’s drunk, I mean it’s not bad, at least this way maybe he’ll forget it, ha, if only you knew.

“___, I can’t seem to do anything right,” He’s stopped crying now, now there are just silent tears trickling down his beautiful, angelic face, “I try my best for you, ___, I buy you that Cookie Dough Ice Cream when I know you’re down, and I hate to tell you because I know you love her but my mother doesn’t always make you the red velvet cookies you love so much, no, the last few times, I was the one that made them because I know how much you love them, and God, I love them too now because I feel like that’s the only part of you I deserve to have, you always make me extras and it always manages to make me happy, but I can’t even say thank you to you for it because then I’ll get attached t-to you, to be honest I’m already addicted to you, but I can’t get deeper than I already am, I know that, but I’m such a fuck up, I don’t even deserve to be within three meters of you, I always used to tell my mother about you, you know? She wanted to hear about the girl who had me acting like I was fifteen again, and-and you know all those girls I brought around, well they were just to prove that I was capable of loving someone, but yet you still don’t want me, no, you want that guy that obviously treats you right, I mean, I don’t blame you, I deserve this,” My god, wasn’t that a shock, yet even after all of that all your brain could do was-

“I love you, Min Yoongi.”

And that’s what started it; the moment his lips met yours it was like being stuck in the middle of a fire, you wouldn’t say you felt fireworks like they do in every cliché romance novel because you knew even in your drunken state that it was better than fireworks, of course, no, this was like a bomb filled with passion and pure bliss and exploded in your body, he tasted like alcohol and cinnamon and sugar and all the sweet, blissful things in the world, he tasted like something you had been missing your entire life: the secret ingredient to your recipe you called unrequited love, he penetrated your senses until you couldn’t breathe anymore, you were drunk, yes, but even more drunk and high off of him. Things escalate fast, so fast that the next thing you know is that you’re making out with Min Yoongi, the man you love the Man you will always love, and then he’s slipping off your dress, leaving not much else to the imagination, pulling off your panties and-

“I want to lose my virginity to you,” you spill out.

“Are you sure?” He asks, “We can stop, don’t feel forced,”

“Yes,” Ha, should’ve said no.

☆

When you wake up the next morning he’s gone, you don’t remember much of the night, just the important parts, like how you’re no longer a virgin, and most definitely do you remember that you lost it to Min Yoongi, but now he’s gone, the place beside you where you were one thousand percent sure he slept was now cold, your blood curdles, because before you felt angry, angry at Min Yoongi for capturing your heart, but now? Now you just feel like a whore.

He doesn’t care about you, remember?

Of course, this was your fault, you should have said no to him, but how could you? How could you ever say no to Min Yoongi? But you should have, because now you’re left with a hangover and no virginity with hangover shots on the bedside next to you (for God’s sake Min Yoongi, why couldn’t you be a complete asshole for once in your life and let you down completely) and the only thing you remember is coming back from a date with Baekhyun and sleeping with Yoongi, nothing more, nothing less, just those two things.

Hours pass and there’s no other sign of life in the apartment other than you, it feels cold without Yoongi, yet the heating has been turned all the way up, ha, just another reason to need him back, right?

Days pass and Yoongi isn’t back yet, there’s no sign of him and you’ve been skipping classes because you can’t deal with the emptiness in your heart, the hole in the shape of Min Yoongi expanding every time you thought of him.

Exactly a week later Yoongi’s back except he’s not alone, he’s with a girl and that’s the last straw for you, you’re done with it because you’d have thought that since he took your fucking virginity he would have at least talked to you about that but no, he decides that he should bring some girl back home, back home as in where he lives where surprisingly the girl who’s virginity he took also lived.

The girl was gorgeous, she was the exact opposite of you, and that’s how you were always reminded he would never want you, because he only likes girls that aren’t you, remember?

The night he comes back you find freshly baked red velvet cookies waiting on the counter along with good old Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream, something vague comes back to you, something about Mrs. Min not being the one that bakes the cookies…but that’s stupid, absolutely ridiculous, and you know that you’re just whipping up things in your head for no reason like usual, because the only person other than Mrs. Min who knows how to make red velvet cookies is you, because you love making them for yourself, of course, but you mainly made them because Min Yoongi loves red velvet cookies.

Red velvet cookies are sweet, they’re soft, vibrant and taste all the more brilliant, a bit like Yoongi, of course, he treated you like you were a bitch on heat, left you without a single word for a week after stealing your virginity, something so precious that you decided to give away in your intoxicated state, but now that you’ve had a taste of him you want him all the more.

You’ve come to realise that loving Min Yoongi is like eating red velvet cookies, you have them all the time; you love them yet you’re not sick of them, you just want more and more and more because you’re greedy like that, because you’re selfish and you know that, but it’s also his favourite as well as yours, maybe that’s why you’re still fucking stuck on it, but it’s the only part of him you know, so how could you? How could you just stop, it’s important for you and Min Yoongi whether you realise it or not you’re both connected by some stupid cookies that you both love, it sounds so stupid but you know it’s the only chance you have because you’ll only ever be his roommate, that’s all you are to him, all you are to the girls he brings around.

Weeks pass and you watch him bring around more and more girls every day, you don’t know what he hopes to achieve by it, maybe he just wants companionship, but you feel like you’re missing something, something you should know but you can’t quite grasp it, but as the days go on and on you realise he’s stopped his fuckboy routine and now there’s just one girl coming around every single day, and boy, if you thought he broke you before? Well, then, you’re absolutely shattered to pieces now, he seems to be serious about her, I mean, if he wasn’t she wouldn’t be coming around every single day would she? You wouldn’t be hearing her annoying, high-pitched voice, would you? You were so stupid to think that maybe he would stop his maniacal antic and actually talk to you, no, you were more than stupid. That’s what triggered the countless nights of crying and mental breakdowns, because you were so done with him, except you weren’t, you were a broken record, stuck on the same thing, the same man, over and over again because you couldn’t understand the fact that this was it, this was his way of telling you to fuck off, to stop trying, almost as if he was holding up two long middle fingers up at you every time you would hear him and her at night.

☆

00:53 a.m.

Here you are sitting on your bedroom floor and crying about your life, well to be exact Min Yoongi the man who had claimed your life, you’ve heard the door to your bedroom open but you don’t care at this point, you’re an absolute mess because you’ve really fucked yourself up, and how are you now going to fix it? Warmth spreads through your body at a simple touch on the small of your back, you know it’s him, you felt it before throughout the night you slept with him; you wanted to memorise every single print of him because it felt like you were living on borrowed time in that moment.

“___,” You hear him whisper.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, am I being too loud, I can go cry somewhere else if you need me to,” You cry out, sobs wracking your body, squirming and scrambling on the ground, rising to see an absolutely exhausted Min Yoongi behind you, holding a crumpled up piece of paper in his hand that he’d obviously tried to flatten, and you realise this is the most emotion he’s ever shown you directly whilst he’s sober and you feel like you’ve just earned the world, because to you that’s what he is, he’s your world.

“No, no, no, please don’t, I just, I heard you crying and I wanted to give you this, I thought you deserved to know, I thought maybe you could figure it out,” he passes you the crumpled up piece of paper, Red Velvet Cookies scrawled on the top in rushed handwriting. Looking down at the writing you realise they’re lyrics, lyrics about a girl who loves red velvet cookies, lyrics about a girl who he can’t stand the thought of living without, it confuses you, it truly does, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically remember?

“I know, I treated you like shit after we…you know, but I just wanted to let you know you’re always on my mind, though I told you that night and I’m not sure you even remember, it’s just I-” and then he’s kissing you, that same feeling of fiery passion burning in you, you can taste those stupid red velvet cookies on him, there’s no taste of alcohol this time much to your admiration, this is all him, and you can’t get enough of it, so you deepen the kiss, testing the surface waters, tasting the sweetness of him, the cinnamon and the sugar you remember tasting on him that night, and all of a sudden it’s all coming back to you, all of it, everything, the confession, the way he told you he loved you whilst saw the most intimate parts of you, everything and when you pull away, it’s like the most calming, satisfying aura of bliss settles over you both, leaning your forehead against his.

“I left you because I was scared, I thought you told me you loved me because you were drunk as well, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have slept with you whilst we were drunk, especially not when you were still a virgin-”

“Yoongi, I don’t regret it, I wanted it, even now, I don’t regret it, though I did regret when I thought you left me and you started bringing those girls around,” You told him.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to prove-” you can see the tears building up in his eyes, pain covering his face.

“I love you,” you admit.

“Even after the way I treated you?” He asks

“Always,”

“I love you more than that,” His adorable gummy smile appearing.

“Not possible,” a small smile starts growing on your face.

“Very much so possible,” He pauses, a small giggle leaving his mouth, “Hey, ___, wanna eat some red velvet cookies?” ah, of course, the God darn cookies that now meant more to both of you.

“Of course,” You say.

#bts kpop jungkook jimin army blackpink suga jin jhope taehyung btsarmy exo twice v rm bangtanboys bangtansonyeondan kimtaehyung parkjimin je

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mutantsrisingrpg · 4 years

Photo

Congratulations BECKY! You’ve been accepted as VENUS.

Becky’s back, back again. Becky’s back, tell a friend! Now that I got that out of the way, I can make this a serious acceptance note. I can honestly say there was not a moment while reading this app that I didn’t think your Hana was it. Hana is obsessed with power and the way you hit on that through her bio had me on the edge of my seat. You created this storm of a girl that I want to know more about even if I know the danger associated with her. Both of us are beyond excited to see the “human embodiment of pikachu with anger issues” on the dash!

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information:

NAME/ALIAS: Becky

PRONOUNS: she / her

AGE: 24

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: GMT ( but technically GMT +1 currently bc summer! ); online daily, particularly active atm because ya girl is working from home

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Venus / Hana Mercado

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Female; she/her

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Even in a city like Miami, Hana is hard to miss in a crowd. Bubblegum bursts, her lazy chew concealing the switchblade sharp smirk that slides across her mouth a little too late for anyone to be able to avoid the trouble that comes from it. She thinks she’s wired up wrong, like a casino gambling machine full of bullets that just keeps dishing out violence while playing its disjointed electric-warped song of congratulations, bright lights flashing wildly.

To your left, a man walking his pet leopard down the sidewalk; to the right, Hana Mercado paralysing a man with the touch of a fingertip for wolf-whistling her. She fits in well here, Florida born and raised, helping the drug lords keep their territories and the mutants keep their identities and everyone and anyone in between keep what’s left of their slowly unravelling sanity. Despite the bustling sea of tourists that ebbs and flows with the good weather, it’s easy to feel lonely. Hana isn’t great when it comes to other people. Pushing them away is a lot less difficult than making them stay.

Everything is loud. Everything is bright. The electricity is near palpable as she splashes through the remnants of a thunderstorm, rainwater spraying over fresh white sneakers. She’s quiet when the sun sets, bleeding red across the sky, the colour of the popsicles she’d eat for dinner as a kid. It’s hard to fear the consequences of her actions when she’s as close to a young god as anyone’s ever going to get. Mutants? Deities? Same difference if you know how to play to the right narrative.

Fuck you has always been easier to spit than a genuinely spoken I love you and that’s the honest-to-fuck truth.

[ + ] driven / brave / resilient / passionate [ - ] arrogant / reckless / unpredictable / childish

BIO:

Money is power. And power is power. And electricity? The sort that decorates the country like a spiderweb, an interwoven network of wires, all humming, all singing to her, the siren’s call of greatness from above ground and beneath it? Power.

Hana is a vicious formation of blood and desire, with the scent of someone burning from the inside inhaled like a nicotine hit. Interrogation comes naturally to her; smiles that should be sweet on a face like hers turn sharp and deadly. She likes to hear them beg. To watch them shake. People spill their secrets to her whether they like it or not.

It’s been that way since she was nineteen years old, static dancing between her fingertips after getting too riled up in an argument with a neighbour’s son over stealing her family’s gas cylinder. An impromptu lightning strike had left the tarmac lining the trailer park sizzling, black and sticky like summertime ( and don’t worry, the Cheeto-dust-decorated-rude-mouthed-slacker-of-a-punk-ass-brat had survived – getting hit by lightning suddenly made him interesting, too, so if anything she’d been doing him a favour ).

A freak accident, they’d called it. Another one of those unexpected Florida storms. But she knew better than that. As had her mom, smoking a fresh pack of Camel Blues from the other side of the door’s insect screen, fresh foils in her hair, acrylic nails the colour of the algae in the neglected community pool down the street. Thinking back, maybe this all stemmed from swallowing too much of that fucking nuclear-waste-looking water when she’d dared to swim there as a kid, hot and sweaty as a storm breaks on the horizon.

But the point – the point is that, to her mom, having the human embodiment of Pikachu as a daughter was as good as winning a jackpot at one of her weekly bingo sessions. She tries to sell it. Power. The ability to pluck electricity from charged particles in the air makes her daughter useful. A living battery. Studies on mutants at University of Miami dish out hefty paychecks after the right terms and conditions have been signed ( note: if you die, that’s on you, don’t try to sue us ). Hana attempts to protest but even she can’t deny that the allure of getting rich sounds like a dream come true.

So she goes to college. Not in the usual sense, sure, but she gets to live on campus ( in a secure underground testing facility beneath the BioMed building ) and hang out with others ( mostly mutants ) her age. And it’s fine for a while until simple fitness tests and blood sampling turn more extreme. Some days are hazy, pumped full of drugs and hooked up to machines that she doesn’t know the name of, let alone the purpose, beeping their own idle hospital-like symphony. Other days are dark and quiet, plunged into sensory deprivation for the sake of whatever it is the boffins in their lab coats are trying to figure out.

She’ll get rich or die trying and, ironically, neither of those things happens.

When the anti-mutant-testing protestors storm the building, they free Hana from both the confinement and the contract. The money she was supposed to get at the end of all this vanishes, along with the pleased looking humans who pat themselves on the back for doing a good deed and disappear to go and celebrate. None of them ask her if this was what she wanted. None of them stop to think that maybe liberation was never an option for her.

Her mom’s gone too. A new trailer stands where Hana’s home once had. The monthly paychecks from the university never reached her bank account, instead wired directly to Mrs Mercado. She laughs until she cries, the air crackling overhead.

After all that, turning to a life of crime is far easier than it has any right to be. Angry and alone, she fucks a guy in a gang in the back of his drop-top and makes herself useful when it comes to getting money out of those who owe it. She runs from the cops. Has a gun pressed to her temple. Watches an illegal weed farm burn at the flick of a lighter. Nothing phases her because she doesn’t let it. Rules stop meaning anything when you realise just what having powers can get you. Making a living from getting spineless people to open up their mouths and offer the gold that is information makes her feel a little less like a failure. Interrogation has a nice ring to it, after all. And once she makes a name for herself, sought after by those who know that secrets are worth a decent stack of bills – well – who is she to turn a job down?

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

YVETTE. It’s more than just the sticky sweet sugar of sisterhood. Hana would fight tooth and nail for Yvette should she say the word; would go to war for her if needed. There are very few people in the world that she cares about more than herself, but her partner ( in crime, in the sport of bringing their enemies down, in a vodka-tasting kiss that she’s managed to take a little too far ) holds the throne to Hana’s adoration. If only Yvette would take another step further into chaos and embrace becoming the seductive sort of danger that people run from.

ANDREAS. He knows how to say the right things, she’ll give him that. Hana wants what is hers. And sure, she may not know what that is exactly but the whispers of power he offers are captivating. After so long of operating alone for anyone with enough money to afford her services, the concept of joining strengths is a tricky one to navigate. She keeps him waiting, keeps him on his toes, avoiding a crystal clear answer for the sake of keeping her cards close to her chest. Better to have multiple options on the table than settling for the first one that comes along.

DEREK. Oh, the joy of knowing she’s the shiny new model; a glossy picture-perfect upgrade; a brand new battery to keep Damien and his clowns energised. The temptation of coaxing out Derek’s anger to watch him slip up and fall further from grace is all too great. She’ll press a cherry red lipstick kiss to the dark shades of the sunglasses he will no doubt need down here in paradise. Her future is bright, can he say the same about his own?

DAMIEN ft. JACKSON. He sends his loyal hound. She can only assume that Jackson is missing a collar because he doesn’t like wearing it in public; his Tiffany heart-shaped dog tag would probably get too warm glinting in the Miami sunshine. Hana knows a mob boss pet when she sees one, sniffing her out amongst the cheap cocktails and plastic palms of a Tiki Bar on Ocean Drive. Who’s a good boy? It’s appealing, the carefully constructed dream Damien offers. Almost a little too good to be true given the circumstances. She knows his gang has chased others out, a fine show of strength and organisation, but how long will it last when he doesn’t even know this city?

EXTRA:

Inspo [ x ] Pinterest board [ x ]

ANYTHING ELSE: ily both

#Accepted #accepted: venus

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lgbtqareads · 4 years

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15 Books I Want To Read That are Releasing in the Next 6 Monthes

Every six monthes, I am excited to see the new LGBTQA+ YA books of the next monthes and while thos December, I was a little weirded out to not find them on B&N Teen previews, I was happy to see that Dahlia Adler posted her lists and opinions at lgbtqreads.com. So, of course I went through and narrowed the list from 72 to 34 to 15, only choosing books that I felt I really wanted to read and not just fall for all the amazing synopses and covers, which let's be honest, are all truly masterpieces.

But enough introduction. Let's get into my to be bought (and read) list of the first six monthes of 2020:

We Used to Be Friends by Amy Spalding - JANUARY 7TH

Goodreads Synopsis: Told in dual timelines—half of the chapters moving forward in time and half moving backward—We Used to Be Friends explores the most traumatic breakup of all: that of childhood besties. At the start of their senior year in high school, James (a girl with a boy’s name) and Kat are inseparable, but by graduation, they’re no longer friends. James prepares to head off to college as she reflects on the dissolution of her friendship with Kat while, in alternating chapters, Kat thinks about being newly in love with her first girlfriend and having a future that feels wide open. Over the course of senior year, Kat wants nothing more than James to continue to be her steady rock, as James worries that everything she believes about love and her future is a lie when her high-school sweetheart parents announce they’re getting a divorce. Funny, honest, and full of heart, We Used to Be Friends tells of the pains of growing up and growing apart.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Relationship breakups may be heavily covered in YA, but friendship breakup stories are still few and far between. Enter the story of James and Kat, two girls who were once beyond close and now watch their friendship unravel as college nears. Things are complicated for both girls: James’s mother has left her and her father for another guy, and she doesn’t know how to talk about it, not even to Kat or her still-too-present ex, Logan. Kat’s discovering that her feelings for her new friend Quinn aren’t strictly “friendly,” and in fact, she’s realizing she’s bisexual and falling head over heels for a girl. It’s a bittersweet story to be sure, and while it definitely has its fun scenes, close moments, painful familial interactions, and tingly romance (what Spalding book doesn’t??), you’ll spend much of the book wishing you could push the characters together and say “Just talk already”…but isn’t that exactly how life goes?

My Opinion: As someone who has been through too many friendship breakups to count, this read is going to be devastating. But I put this book on my list for one reason: the synopsis made it feel so much like life that I couldn't help but feel that the story would pull me into James and Kat's universe and tear my heart into pieces. I absolutely cannot wait to have my heartbroken.

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The Gravity of Us by Phil Stamper - FEBRUARY 4TH

Goodreads Synopsis: As a successful social media journalist with half a million followers, seventeen-year-old Cal is used to sharing his life online. But when his pilot father is selected for a highly publicized NASA mission to Mars, Cal and his family relocate from Brooklyn to Houston and are thrust into a media circus.

Amidst the chaos, Cal meets sensitive and mysterious Leon, another “Astrokid,” and finds himself falling head over heels—fast. As the frenzy around the mission grows, so does their connection. But when secrets about the program are uncovered, Cal must find a way to reveal the truth without hurting the people who have become most important to him.

Expertly capturing the thrill of first love and the self-doubt all teens feel, debut author Phil Stamper is a new talent to watch.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: This is a lovely and bighearted debut chock full of space nerdery, big dreams, new beginnings, and social media scandal. Cal’s life is completely uprooted when his dad shocks them all by being chosen for a space mission, something his family had never taken seriously as a lifelong dream. Worst of all, he’s forbidden from documenting life in the new compound, forcing him to leave his massive social media following behind. On the bright side, there’s Leon, son of another astronaut on the program and immediate thief of Cal’s heart. But when things go awry in the program and secrets are revealed, Cal will have to decide exactly what he’s willing to do to get the truth out there, and who he’s willing to lose.

My Opinion: Social Media? Media circus? Texas? NASA? First loves? And a choice that could implode Cal's life from the inside? The name Cal? Other than Texas, a state which I hate, all of this adds up to something good, hopefully so good that I can forget that Texas is involved at all. So, basically, it has to reach Red, White, and Royal Blue levels, which is the only book so far that has made me like Texas at all. But I trust that it will do well. Plus it was reviewed by 4 of authors on my queer bookshelf - Becky Albertalli, Adam Silvera, Shaun David Hutchinson, and Caleb Roehrig. Bonus points for not being a graphic novel like I feared it was.

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Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzales -MARCH 3RD

Goodreads Synopsis: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda meets Clueless, inspired by Grease.

When Ollie meets his dream guy, Will, over summer break, he thinks he’s found his Happily Ever After. But once summer’s ended, Will stops texting him back, and Ollie finds himself one prince short of a fairytale ending. To complicate the fairytale further, a family emergency sees Ollie uprooted and enrolled at a new school across the country—Will’s school—where Ollie finds that the sweet, affectionate and comfortably queer guy he knew from summer isn’t the same one attending Collinswood High. This Will is a class clown, closeted—and, to be honest, a bit of a jerk.

Ollie has no intention of pining after a guy who clearly isn’t ready for a relationship. But as Will starts ‘coincidentally’ popping up in every area of Ollie’s life, from music class to the lunch table, Ollie finds his resolve weakening. The last time he gave Will his heart, Will handed it back to him trampled and battered. Ollie would have to be an idiot to trust him with it again.

Right? Right.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Grease goes gay YA in this rom-com about two boys whose dreamy summer fling comes crashing into a harsh reality when our lead, Oliver, transfers to Will’s school thanks to a family crisis-driven move, only to find out Will isn’t Out and isn’t about to be. As Ollie finds his own ways to settle in, he can’t seem to shake Will’s presence. But whether there’s a future for them remains to be seen. This sophomore novel is warmly delightful and delightfully warm, with some tears on the side for the aforementioned family crisis, and some hard-earned queer solidarity is the icing on the cake.

My Opinion: The last musical-ly queer book I read was What If It's Us? so Ollie and Will have a lot to live up to, but it gets points for getting an Instagram shoutout from Becky Albertalli herself. From the synopses, it sounds like a case of strangers to lovers to strangers to maybe friends to maybe something more and hopefully a happy ending, but what I look forward to the most is rewriting Summer Nights as I read this book.

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Super Adjacent by Crystal Cestari - MARCH 17TH

Goodreads Synopsis: Claire has always wanted to work with superheroes, from collecting Warrior Nation cards as a kid to drafting "What to Say to a Hero" speeches in her diary. Now that she's landed a coveted internship with the Chicago branch of Warrior Nation, Claire is ready to prove she belongs, super or not. But complicating plans is the newest WarNat hero, Girl Power (aka Joy), who happens to be egotistical and self-important ... and pretty adorable.

Bridgette, meanwhile, wants out of WarNat. After years of dating the famous Vaporizer (aka Matt), she's sick of playing second, or third, or five-hundredth fiddle to all the people-in-peril in the city of Chicago. Of course, once Bridgette meets Claire-who's clearly in need of a mentor and wingman-giving up WarNat becomes slightly more complicated. It becomes a lot more complicated when Joy, Matt, and the rest of the heroes go missing, leaving only Claire and Bridgette to save the day.

In this fresh and funny take on the world of supers, author Crystal Cestari spotlights what it's like to be the seemingly non-super half of a dynamic duo with banter-filled romance and bold rescues perfect for readers seeking a great escape.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Claire is a superhero fangirl, a card-carrying member of Warrior Nation. And when she finds an unexpected way (with some unexpected help) into winning an internship with the Chicago WarNat branch, it should be everything she’s ever dreamed of. But that unexpected help is proving very difficult to work with; it’s in the form of Girl Power (aka Joy), the newest hero and a pain in Claire’s butt. A very, very cute pain in Claire’s butt. But distraction or no distraction, Claire’s determined to prove herself, especially when she and Bridgette, a WarNat, who’s tired of being “the girlfriend” to an even more famous hero, decides to mentor her and they end up having to be exactly the heroes Chicago needs.

My Opinion: Two words. Super. Heroes.

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Music From Another World by Robin Talley - MARCH 31ST

Goodreads Synopsis: It’s summer 1977 and closeted lesbian Tammy Larson can’t be herself anywhere. Not at her strict Christian high school, not at her conservative Orange County church and certainly not at home, where her ultrareligious aunt relentlessly organizes antigay political campaigns. Tammy’s only outlet is writing secret letters in her diary to gay civil rights activist Harvey Milk…until she’s matched with a real-life pen pal who changes everything.

Sharon Hawkins bonds with Tammy over punk music and carefully shared secrets, and soon their letters become the one place she can be honest. The rest of her life in San Francisco is full of lies. The kind she tells for others—like helping her gay brother hide the truth from their mom—and the kind she tells herself. But as antigay fervor in America reaches a frightening new pitch, Sharon and Tammy must rely on their long-distance friendship to discover their deeply personal truths, what they’ll stand for…and who they’ll rise against.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Talley is one of queer YA’s most prolific genre jumpers, but she seems to be making herself beautifully at home in historical with this follow-up to 2018’s Pulp, again set amid a context of vital queer American history. This time around, it’s 1977, and Tammy Larson would love more than anything to come out of the closet as a lesbian, but that’s a major no-go where she lives. Her only outlet is to write “letters” to the activist Harvey Milk, at least until she’s matched with a pen pal to whom she can write letters for real. Sharon makes for a much better companion than Tammy’s diary, and she can sympathize, given her brother is gay and feeling all the same misery in the wake of Anita Bryant’s leading to a successful repeal of their protections. Together they’ll find their own brand of activism and learn to fight back against a world of hate.

My Opinion: Ever since reading Annie On My Mind by Nancy Garden, I have been craving more historical sapphic girls. With Pulp in my Kindle library and this in my future shopping cart + Casey McQuiston's time traveling book in 2021, I am bound to get a fix for that craving soon. Hopefully, it will also cure heartbreak.

Loveless by Alice Oseman - APRIL 2ND

Goodreads Synopsis: The fourth novel from the phenomenally talented Alice Oseman – one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary YA.

Georgia feels loveless – in the romantic sense, anyway. She’s eighteen, never been in a relationship, or even had a crush on a single person in her whole life. She thinks she's an anomaly, people call her weird, and she feels a little broken. But she still adores romance – weddings, fan fiction, and happily ever afters. She knows she’ll find her person one day … right?

After a disastrous summer, Georgia is now at university, hundreds of miles from home. She is more determined than ever to find love – and her annoying roommate, Rooney, is a bit of a love expert, so perhaps she can help.

But maybe Georgia just doesn’t feel that way about guys. Or girls. Or anyone at all. Maybe that's okay. Maybe she can find happiness without falling in love. And maybe Rooney is a little more loveless than she first appears.

LOVELESS is a journey of identity, self-acceptance, and finding out how many different types of love there really are. And that no one is really loveless after all.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Oseman’s crossed the pond before with Radio Silence, so this American’s fingers are crossed she’ll do it again with her newest, about a girl named Georgia who’s struggling with the fact that she’s eighteen and has never had so much as a crush. She’s sick of people thinking she’s broken or weird, and it isn’t like she isn’t into romance; she’s just not into it for herself. When she gets to university, she thinks maybe she can “fix” things with her roommate’s help. But what if it turns out there’s nothing to fix, and Georgia’s great and perfectly capable of happiness just as she is?

My Opinion: Alice Oseman has written a-spec characters before, but it's possible that this seemingly aromantic character will be the one that I'll read first. Not to say Radio Silence wasn't amazing, I just wouldn't know. But I can't wait to find out when I read it after I read this one. And then maybe her other books too.

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Verona Comics by Jennifer Dugan - APRIL 21ST

Goodreads Synopsis: Jubilee has it all together. She’s an elite cellist, and when she’s not working in her stepmom’s indie comic shop, she’s prepping for the biggest audition of her life. Ridley is barely holding it together. His parents own the biggest comic-store chain in the country, and Ridley can’t stop disappointing them–that is, when they’re even paying attention. They meet one fateful night at a comic convention prom, and the two can’t help falling for each other. Too bad their parents are at each other’s throats every chance they get, making a relationship between them nearly impossible . . . unless they manage to keep it a secret. Then again, the feud between their families may be the least of their problems. As Ridley’s anxiety spirals, Jubilee tries to help but finds her focus torn between her fast-approaching audition and their intensifying relationship. What if love can’t conquer all? What if each of them needs more than the other can give?

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Dugan debuted with one of my absolute favorite queer YA rom-coms (seriously, if you haven’t yet read Hot Dog Girl, do yourself a favor), so I’m thrilled to see her returning with another one, this one an m/f pairing where both halves of the couple are bi (or, more accurately, one is bi and one is still figuring it out). [Jubilee] is an elite cellist with a major audition coming up and a side job working at her stepmom’s indie comic shop. Ridley works at his parents’ comic shop too, only theirs is a big chain, and no friend to the little guy. Which makes it a little difficult when the two meet at a comic-con prom and immediately hit it off, despite their family feud. I’ll take Romeo & Juliet with a much happier ending and heaps of bisexuality any day, wouldn’t you?

My Opinion: Romeo and Juliet retelling + comic convention prom + bisexuality + indie comic shops = a recipe for me to like a book.

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When You Get the Chance by Tom Ryan and Robin Stevenson-MAY 5TH

Goodreads Synopsis: [Edited] Cousins Mark [from the East coast of Canada] and Talia [from the West coast of Canada] go on a road trip to Pride in Toronto as they search for love and adventure and uncover family secrets along the way.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: One of the things I’m often asked to recommend is books that feature mlm and wlw solidarity, and I especially love giving answers that show it not just in characters but in authorship. Here, two Canadian rock stars of queer YA come together with a story about cousins named Mark and Talia who are reunited from their respective Canadian coasts after a death in the family and decide to take a road trip together to Toronto so Talia can see her non-binary partner and Mark can get to Pride. The two don’t have much in common, and they’ll have to let Mark’s little sister tag along, but they both know some kind of magic awaits them in TO, and they can’t wait to get there.

My Opinion: There is too much to love about this book. Canada! WLW or WLNB/MLM solidarity! Canadian road trip! Road trips in general! Canadian Pride! PRIDE IN GENERAL! A nonbinary s/o! TORONTO, CANADA! And family secrets! Plus it gives off You Know Me Well vibes, and that's one of my favorites.

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The Extraordinaries by T.J. Klune - MAY 5TH

Goodreads Synopsis:

Some people are extraordinary. Some are just extra.

Nick Bell? Not extraordinary. But being the most popular fanfiction writer in the Extraordinaries fandom is a superpower, right?

After a chance encounter with Shadow Star, Nova City’s mightiest hero (and Nick’s biggest crush), Nick sets out to make himself extraordinary. And he’ll do it with or without the reluctant help of Seth Gray, Nick’s best friend (and maybe the love of his life).

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Klune’s doing double duty this year (or maybe even more? Damn, it’s hard to keep up), following up an adult contemporary fantasy with his first entry into YA, about a boy named Nick who happens to be the Extraordinaries fandom’s most popular fanfic writer, and who aims to be even more extraordinary when he meets the hero he’s been crushing on. (But maybe he’s in love with his best friend, Seth? It’s complicated. It’s always complicated.)

My Opinion: What can I say? I'm a sucker for books about fanfic writers. And for best friends to lovers stories, so hopefully this is one, and not a fan-dates-hero story.

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The Summer of Impossibilities by Rachel Allen - MAY 12TH

Goodreads Synopsis: Skyler, Ellie, Scarlett and Amelia Grace are forced to spend the summer at the lake house where their moms became best friends.

One can’t wait. One would rather gnaw off her own arm than hang out with a bunch of strangers just so their moms can drink too much wine and sing Journey two o’clock in the morning. Two are sisters. Three are currently feuding with their mothers.

One almost sets her crush on fire with a flaming marshmallow. Two steal the boat for a midnight joyride that goes horribly, awkwardly wrong. All of them are hiding something.

One falls in love with a boy she thought she despised. Two fall in love with each other. None of them are the same at the end of the summer.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Allen’s been a personal favorite of mine since her subversive feminist debut, 17 First Kisses, and I’m thrilled to see her releasing her first queer YA, which basically looks like a gay Traveling Pants except not all the girls actually wanna be spending the summer together at the lake house where their moms became besties. Most of them can’t even stand their moms right now. All of them have secrets. And two of them…well, two of them are in love with each other, so one way or another it’s gonna be a hell of a summer.

My Opinion: Look, I'm going to be honest, I saw that it was co.pared to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and I immediately added it to my list. Plus, strangers to friends to lovers? I love.

Date Me, Bryson Keller! by Kevin van Whye - MAY 19TH

Goodreads Synopsis: What If It's Us meets To All the Boys I've Loved Before in this upbeat and heartfelt boy-meets-boy romance that feels like a modern twist on a '90s rom-com!

Everyone knows about the dare: Each week, Bryson Keller must date someone new--the first person to ask him out on Monday morning. Few think Bryson can do it. He may be the king of Fairvale Academy, but he's never really dated before.

Until a boy asks him out, and everything changes.

Kai Sheridan didn't expect Bryson to say yes. So when Bryson agrees to secretly go out with him, Kai is thrown for a loop. But as the days go by, he discovers there's more to Bryson beneath the surface, and dating him begins to feel less like an act and more like the real thing. Kai knows how the story of a gay boy liking someone straight ends. With his heart on the line, he's awkwardly trying to navigate senior year at school, at home, and in the closet, all while grappling with the fact that this "relationship" will last only five days. After all, Bryson Keller is popular, good-looking, and straight . . . right?

Kevin van Whye delivers an uplifting and poignant coming-out love story that will have readers rooting for these two teens to share their hearts with the world--and with each other.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: If this book looks like the cutest, fluffiest, most make-you-melt kind of romance, it’s because it is…at least in the little romantic bubble that ensued when when Kai took advantage of a dare that requires Bryson Keller to agree to date the first person to ask him out every Monday morning for that week. But outside the bubble, the world is still wondering who Bryson Keller’s mystery girlfriend is, the one person not to shout from the rooftops that she’s got the guy. And Kai isn’t gonna be the one to tell them it isn’t a girl at all; his spontaneous request made Bryson the first and only person he’s ever come out to. But when both the answer and Kai himself are forcibly outed, he and the boy he’s come to fall for, the boy who’s only just realized he himself is gay, will have to band together and put their relationship through the ultimate test.

My Opinion: A lot of these books are comparing themselves to Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, and this one's even comparing itself to To All the Boys I've Loved Before, so it's basically setting me up for disappointment, but I will admit, I am judging this book by it's cover, and that smile is too cute to resist.

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I Kissed Alice by Anna Birch - MAY 26TH

Goodreads Synopsis: For fans of Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda and Fangirl, I Kissed Alice is a romantic comedy about enemies, lovers, and everything in between.

Rhodes and Iliana couldn't be more different, but that's not why they hate each other. Hyper-gifted artist Rhodes has always excelled at Alabama's Conservatory of the Arts despite a secret bout of creator's block, while transfer student Iliana tries to outshine everyone with her intense, competitive work ethic. Since only one of them can get the coveted Capstone scholarship, the competition between them is fierce.

They both escape the pressure on a fanfic site where they are unknowingly collaborating on a graphic novel. And despite being worst enemies in real life, their anonymous online identities I-Kissed-Alice and Curious-in-Cheshire are starting to like each other...a lot. When the truth comes out, will they destroy each other's future?

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Sign me the hell up for literally every enemies-to-lovers f/f rom-com, but especially this one, where the girls who hate each other at Alabama’s Conservatory for the Arts have no idea they’re falling for each other online as they collaborate on a graphic novel for a fanfic site under their online identities. That’s…everything I love in book? Yep, pretty much!

My Opinion: This one is on my list because Alice is basically my favorite sapphic girl name ever after my rewrite of the song, All the Girls Love Alice. Unfortunately, neither girl is named Alice, but it does seem to involve something about Alice in Wonderland. Maybe the graphic novel they're creating is a queer retelling of the classic story? Can't wait to find out.

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Six Angry Girls by Adrienne Kisner - JUNE 2ND

Goodreads Synopsis: A story of mock trial, feminism, and the inherent power found in a pair of knitting needles.

Raina Petree is crushing her senior year, until her boyfriend dumps her, the drama club (basically) dumps her, the college of her dreams slips away, and her arch-nemesis triumphs.

Things aren’t much better for Millie Goodwin. Her father treats her like a servant, and the all-boy Mock Trial team votes her out, even after she spent the last three years helping to build its success.

But then, an advice columnist unexpectedly helps Raina find new purpose in a pair of knitting needles and a politically active local yarn store. This leads to an unlikely meeting in the girls’ bathroom, where Raina inspires Millie to start a rival team. The two join together and recruit four other angry girls to not only take on Mock Trial, but to smash the patriarchy in the process.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Kisner is three for three in putting gloriously queer YA on shelves, and I am in love with the idea of this newest, which takes the famous “Twelve Angry Men” and situates it in Mock Trial with an ace lead. Raina’s killing it at life, until suddenly she isn’t. Millie’s in a similar spot, having just been ousted from the all-male Mock Trial team. When the two pair up to start a rival girls’ team, it isn’t just their opponents they’re gunning for—it’s the whole motherfluffin’ patriarchy.

My Opinion:

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The State of Us by Shaun David Hutchinson - JUNE 2ND

Goodreads Synopsis: The State of Us is the story of Dean and Dre—the 16-year-old sons of the Republican and Democratic candidates for President of the United States—who fall in love on the sidelines of their parents' presidential campaigns.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis: Tis the year for political YAs, for obvious reasons, and this contemporary romance also does double duty of being a touching demisexual coming out story that happens to take place across the aisle. (The political aisle, that is.) When Dean, the son the of the Republican candidate, and Dre, son of the Democratic candidate, find themselves locked in close quarters, they’re surprised to find that they quite enjoy the company of someone else who knows what it’s like to be in the junior spotlight. Soon, romance sparks, which is a bit of problem considering the whole “opponents” thing, not to mention Dean still trying to figure out how to deal with and discuss the fact that he’s demisexual. But someone out there seems determined to make their problem much, much bigger, and they’ll have to figure out who wants their relationship outed, how they can make it work, and how they can reconcile a future.

My Opinion: While unfortunately this love story has no Prince from England or Wales, this book is definitely in the same genre as Red, White, and Royal Blue, though of course Dean and Dre will be more YA than our favorite international political couple. No matter what, I can tell I'm going to love the angst in this one.

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The Falling in Love Montage by Clara Smyth - JUNE 9TH

Goodreads Synopsis:

Saoirse doesn’t believe in love at first sight or happy endings. If they were real, her mother would still be able to remember her name and not in a care home with early onset dementia. A condition that Saoirse may one day turn out to have inherited.So she’s not looking for a relationship. She doesn’t see the point in igniting any romantic sparks if she’s bound to burn out.

But after a chance encounter at a house party, Saoirse is about to break her own rules. For a girl with one blue freckle, an irresistible sense of mischief, and a passion for rom-coms.

Unbothered by Saoirse’s rulebook, Ruby proposes a loophole: They don’t need true love to have one summer of fun, complete with every cliché, rom-com montage-worthy date they can dream up—and a binding agreement to end their romance come fall. It would be the perfect plan, if they weren’t forgetting one thing about the Falling in Love Montage: when it’s over, the characters actually fall in love… for real.

Dahlia Adler's Synopsis:

Love books that make you laugh, swoon, and cry? Then you are going to fall head over heels for Smyth’s debut, an Ireland-set romantic contemporary about a girl named Saiorse who’s losing her mother to early-onset dementia and is determined never to get involved with anyone as a result…until she meets Ruby, and all bets are off. The girls agree to a no-strings-attached summer of just the good parts of romance, the movie montage where the couple does all sorts of fun things as they fall in love. But when the end of the summer comes, will they be able to let go?

My Opinion: The falling in love montage is my favorite part of love stories and I can't wait to read one set in Ireland! No strings attached? I don't think so Saiorse and Ruby. If they aren't together by the end of the book, I'll be tying the strings myself and writing fanfiction for days. I've only had one relationship that would qualify for a falling in love montage, most likely because I've only been in love once, and that's... ended, so I need something to fill my heart and this book just might be it.

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Check out @lgbtqreads for more recommendations and check out the link at the top of the post for the rest of the list!

#we used to be friends amy spalding #the gravity of us phil stamper #only mostly devastated sophie gonzales #super adjacent crystal cestari #music from another world robin talley #loveless alice oseman #verona comics jennifer dugan #when you get the chance tom ryan & robin stevenson #the extraordinaries tj klune #the summer of impossibilities rachel allen #date me bryson keller! kevin van whye #i kissed alice anna birch #six angry girls adrienne kisner #the state of us shaun david hutchinson #the falling in love montage ciara smyth #2020 reads #lgbtqareads book recs

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alexsfictionaddiction · 4 years

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12 of the best feel-good books

I think we could all do with a pick-me-up right now. We’ve been in some level of isolation for over a month and we’re perhaps being forced to accept a new normal. However, we’re still seeing frightening and tragic headlines all day every day (ration your news time, if you’re not doing so already), so of course, fear and hopelessness is going to set in. If you’re not used to spending time alone, loneliness is also a huge possibility but we know that books are a great source of solace in times like this.

Maybe you want to do your own research and discover how far into the realms of science-fiction we’ve got. For you, I have compiled a list of the best books that pandemic fiction has to offer but if you’re looking for something more light-hearted, I’ve got the perfect tonic. Whether you need a laugh, to be comforted or to simply remember what life used to be like, here are some books that will help you escape the current face of reality. Above all, remember that it’s perfectly natural for your mental health to be suffering at the moment. Do whatever you can to look after yourself and stay safe.

1. The Flatshare by Beth O’Leary

Remember when you could just move in with a stranger without worrying about keeping two metres apart at all times? Tiffy and Leon share a flat and even a bed but due to entirely opposite work schedules, they manage to not even meet for months after Tiffy moves in, only communicating via texts and notes left on the fridge. But Tiffy’s controlling ex-boyfriend and Leon’s innocent prisoner brother ignite a connection that is fuelled by basic human kindness and a touch of romantic attraction, of course! This quirky rom-com has been a bestseller for over a year now and it’s not hard to see why. It’s a celebration of love, friendship and the unexpected happiness that can come from taking calculated risks. Beth O’Leary’s second novel The Switch has also just been released, so there has never been a better time to read her debut!

2. Wonder by R. J. Palacio

A beautiful story of empathy, kindness and acceptance, Wonder has fast become one of the most popular and widely read contemporary middle-grade novels. Auggie Pullman was born with a facial deformity and he’s attending mainstream school for the first time but of course, kids can be staggeringly cruel to those who are different. Wonder kickstarted a global kindness campaign and spawned a film adaptation, which is one of the best and most faithful I’ve ever seen. It has already given so much to the world and I know you’ll get a lot of joy out of it too.

3. The Long Way To A Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

Of course, not all sci-fi is doom and gloom. This is the first instalment in Becky Chambers’ Wayfarers series and it’s laugh-out-loud funny. It follows a misfit crew of space travellers and their wonderful smile-inducing relationships. Celebrating the coming together of a variety of races, sexualities and personalities, it features a lot of loveable memorable characters who begin to read like dear loyal friends. If you’re looking for quirky, light-hearted sci-fi in a similar vein to Star Trek and Firefly, you’d be wise to start here.

4. Less by Andrew Sean Greer

Arthur Less is a struggling writer about to turn 50 and the love of his life is engaged to someone else. To say that he’s not feeling too hot right now would be an understatement but he has been invited to a range of literary events around the world, so he does the logical thing and accepts them all. We can’t travel right now but with Arthur, you’ll visit Paris, Berlin, southern India, the Moroccan desert and Japan. You’ll also go on a journey of self-acceptance, learn how to love the life that you have and appreciate the time you have left.

5. Hot Mess by Lucy Vine

It’s rare that a book makes me guffaw out loud in public but Hot Mess did exactly that, when I read it a couple of years ago. Ellie is a single woman who hates her office job and is absolutely nowhere near having her life together. However, she does have some great friends and a lovely relationship with her dad Alan, whose drafts of a romance novel are truly side-splittingly hilarious. We see Ellie through terrible dates, trauma confrontation and a quest for true happiness that is hugely satisfying. It has been described as a modern-day Bridget Jones but I found it much more relatable and actually quite a lot funnier!

6. The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

It’s the first in a trilogy of novels that explore the trials and tribulations of finding romance when you’re genetics professor Don Tillman. Don likes facts, logic and reason and he applies all of these things to his latest endeavour, The Wife Project. He knows exactly the kind of woman he wants to marry but then he meets Rosie, who ticks none of his boxes and he’s forced to accept that perhaps true love doesn’t always follow the rules. Don and Rosie’s relationship is such a heartwarming, mutually beneficial one that will make you laugh and leave you with a big bag of warm fuzzy feels.

7. The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien

There is a huge chance that you will have read The Hobbit but what better time to revisit a funny, charming favourite? Re-embark on the quest to retrieve Smaug’s treasure, take back the Lonely Mountain and make a plethora of fantastic friends along the way. As well as relating to Bilbo’s personal growth throughout the novel, I think the idea of facing epic threat and mortal peril in unknown environments and yet still returning safely home to a quiet comfortable life is the reassurance we need that this too shall pass. Of course, it will also be an intoxicating nostalgia trip, so there’s really no reason to not pick it up again!

8. The Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams

I read this over the Valentine’s Day period and was so enchanted by it. Gavin is a top baseball player for the Nashville Legends and he has recently discovered that he has never given his wife Thea a genuine orgasm and it’s threatening the relationship. So he does the logical thing and turns to his team mates, who actually double as a secret romance book club. They suggest taking a leaf out of a smutty Regency paperback to save his marriage -what could possibly go wrong? Funny, heart-warming and touching, it’s a great choice if you’re looking for a rom-com with a difference.

9. My Pear-Shaped Life by Carmel Harrington

If you’ve spent a lot of self-isolation being wholly unproductive and perhaps not looking after yourself too well, you may be feeling that you’re simply not good enough. Especially if your social media is full of happy healthy people doing just about EVERYTHING. Meet Greta, a struggling actress who is used to playing the role of the funny, overweight girl in all areas of her life. That’s ok as long as she laughs with everyone else, right? But things have been pretty rough lately and it’s only when she hits rock bottom that she begins to realise that maybe things need to go a little bit pear-shaped sometimes. With joy and despair in equal measure, this new novel, populated with an array of wonderful characters, will teach you that true happiness comes from simply being you.

10. A Boy Made Of Blocks by Keith Stuart

Eight-year-old Sam is autistic and struggles to make sense of the world. His dad Alex has also lost himself somewhere along the way and needs to change. Minecraft offers a place where father and son can rediscover their bond and put the family back together, block by block. I reviewed this incredibly moving, uplifting story when it was first released a few years ago. It’s actually inspired by Keith Stuart’s real-life experiences, which I think give it an extra dollop of heart-warmth!

11. The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta

The entire focus of this fantastically written YA novel is on embracing your own personal uniqueness and on not being afraid to let it out. Michael is a mixed-race gay teen who has grappled with his identity for his entire life. On arriving at university, the idea of becoming a drag artist causes everything to begin to slot into place. Told in verse, The Black Flamingo will show you how your boldest brightest colours can shine through the darkest of times. Highlighting the power of words and challenging all forms of homophobia, whether it be external or internal, this is a book that I’m sure will become a staple of LGBT+ literature in years to come. As for now, it will simply inspire you to live your very best life, regardless of who tries to prevent it.

12. Reasons To Be Cheerful by Nina Stibbe

As the title may suggest, there is plenty to smile about in Reasons To Be Cheerful. It’s chiefly a coming-of-age novel about a young woman called Lizzie living in 1970s Leicestershire. She has just got a job as an assistant to a work-shy, racist dentist who is desperate to join the freemasons. Navigating this new position alongside a relationship with her alcoholic writer mother, a boyfriend who doesn’t seem terribly interested in her and a few unlikely friends, Lizzie’s life makes for some pretty amusing anecdotes. Whether it’s the simple retro setting or small cast of eccentric caricatures, there is something quite other-worldly yet familiar about it. There is a lot of detail that is relevant to the period it’s set in, including the blatant social prejudices that were so rife at the time. I am too young to have experienced 1970s Britain but it certainly feels authentic to what I know. I have no doubt that those that were there will get even more enjoyment and nostalgia from Lizzie’s life than I did.

#feel good #books #recommended #recommendations #uplifting

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relatablemormonmoments · 5 years

Text

Saturday Morning and Afternoon Session Talks

(Note, I listen to Conference rather than watch it, names are probably butchered.)

Ulysses S. Suarez

We need the help of a faithful and inspired teacher, but we also need to teach

Teach your sons and their sons in the ways of the Lord

We need to raise our families in the Lord

Emerse yourself in Scriptures

How do we put principles in the gospel into the actions of our lives?

Actions speak louder than words

Most of our critical spiritual decisions relate to family. (story of a single divorced mother rearing her children)

Mother should guide her children

God wants us back in his presence

Pros: Encourages closeness within our families and with the lord, Encourages us to consider our actions of faith

Cons: The Family A Proclamation to the World, Seemingly excludes those with a poor connection to their families or who converted without their families or whose families have fallen away

Becky Craven

"Happiness, $15" -> cheap trinkets and souvenirs

We as a church are blessed to know how to find true happiness

Car stuck on train tracks-> conductor pulls on emergency break + whistle -> people are able to escape but car is destroyed -> woman watching claims that conductor didn't even try to stop, didn't try to swerve out of the way.

Keep our wheels on the track no matter what obstacles are in our path

Casualness can lead us from the path

World is laiden with distractions, decieving even the elect

We may drown if we aren't careful.

Actions in the "grey" (the "howevers, buts, and althoughs") = "That council does not apply to me"

"If ye love me, keep my commandments"

Doesn't mean being formal or stuffy, but being appropiate

Be more engaged & careful & modest

For the Strength of the Youth applies to each of us (no matter our age, position, or gender)

We need to seek the guidance of the holy ghost

How can we mark ourselves in the Image of Christ?

The world calls us a "peculiar people" which is a large compliment.

We need to widen the distance between ourselves and our worldly influence

Gift of repentance

When you are worthy to recieve personal revelation, you will be blessed and happy

Pros: Gospel is guide to happiness, Doesn't claim that the only way to happiness is through temple marriage, Discusses what leads us from true happiness

Cons: The analogy to a train is nice but doesn't make sense with the rest of her story and implies that there is only one path to happiness, insinuates that temple marriage is part of the path to true happiness, doesn't offer any solutions to avoiding distraction.

Brook P. Hales

God blesses us according to our desires and to his infite wisdom

Scriptures teach us

Lord carefully leads us even if we can't see the results

Lord prepares ways to overcome obstacles before they can occur (Lost Plates and Nephi)

How can God answer us? ->1. Son recieved coat too small, gave it away to another missionary who had been praying for one because he could not afford it (through other people) 2. Joseph (and his coat od many colors) 's brothers sold him rather than killing him, leading to blessings for Egypt and eventual redemption of their family (through.. better circumstances?) 3. Son not hired for dream job, but would have missed a life changing opportunity had he been hired. (Through denying us our wants for eternal perspective)

Patricia Parkinson -> Began going blind at 7 years old, had to go away to boarding school (very home sick) -> Went fully blind at 15, returned home and went to regular highschool-> Eventually gained success at university and in life -> Had a procedure, but came out saying "I'm going to be blind for the rest of my life, I know it, you know it, God knows it." -> Nephew tells her to ask Heavenly Father because Heavenly father grants all of our wishes -> She explains that HF doesn't give us everything when we want it. -> Hales remarks that she's always positive and happy in public but struggles with herself, her disability, and God in private -> she sees that God's hand is in everything

If we keep our commandments, we are blessed by God, even if its not how we expect or want to be blessed.

Pros: Nice approach on how we can struggle with our faith when God doesn't answer us how we want, Good examples of how God does answer us and why he may answer us like that

Cons: Some Ableism in his story about Patricia, simply claims that God will bless us for following commandments

UCHTDORF!!!!!!

Airplanes take 3 hours between Rome and Jerusalem in the present (would take 40 days to travel that distance in Jesus' time)

Even though the church faces persecution, we continue to grow

Put growth into perspective ( A very small flock indeed)

GERMAN SHEPHERD

In some places, the church is shrinking

We must share the good news of the gospel!

How can we fill that great commision in our daily lives?

Share the gospel with friends and acquaintances

Some go out and declare it boldly, others are more hesitant and hide behind the pew when daily missionary work is mentioned, why?

Lord doesn't require expert efforts, but he does require a willing heart and mind

We can draw close to Heavenly Father, Fill our Hearts wirh love for others, and read our scriptures

By doing this we will become better, happier, more authentic

Pros: It's Uchtdorf, Airplanes mentioned, Even small efforts matter

Cons: Airplanes mentioned only once, Encourages a lot of proselytizing in day to day life, Many members are leaving church or going inactive, Really short talk :(

W. Christopher Weidell

His (nonmember) brother (Mike) had Pancreatic cancer, could see the temple from his hospital bed.

Mike became friends with the priesthood leaders, kept askin hc about the church

Mike joined the church and gained strength

Had no pulse when on day gaining Melchezidek priesthood, has pulse as soon as Weidell enters room, he lives to gain the priesthood, but dies 5 hours later.

It takes remarkable efforts to minister

Don't give up on a "Not Interested"-hearts change

Desire tonhelp others achieve deeper conversion

Serving others

Want others to reach divine potential

Sensitive to trials and struggles

We are encouraged to follow the guidings of the Holy Spirit

Trust the Lord

Focus on what's important

It's never too late, you'll never wander too far from the path

Never too soon to extend an invitation

There is always hope

Pros: Heartwarming story about brother, hope if you are inactive and want to come back, hope if yiy have friends or family who have left the church for various reasons

Cons: Influences those really aggressive ministerers to keep going at it, which can weaken someones already weak bond with the church, ITS REALLY SAD, I CRIED OK?

Henry B. Eyring

United as one is the feeling we want in our homes

Families

No contention due to love for God (4th Nephi)

Symptoms of Spiritual Decline TM - How can we protect and increase feelings of love to combat them

Underlying cause=Satan

Reverse spiritual decline in family and in home

Remember the savior as you remember thine sins

Praying as a family brings you closer together

Family who prays together is together, even when far apart

Offer the gospel to your enemies

Examples of Parents

Worry about Celestial Kingdom and the Family Arrangements will be more wonderful than you can imagine

Pros: Talks about strengthening family bonds, NOT ABOUT THE PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD!!!, strengthen love for God=strengthen family, FOUND FAMILIES? NON NUCLEAR/TRADITIONAL FAMILIES? ?!?!, All you need is love, Love is all you need

Cons: May encourage abusive/extremist parents to shove gospel down childrens throats to "strengthen family" therefore pushing children away

M. Russel Ballard

Can't control what impacts our life, we can control how it impacts our happiness

Do the best we can each day

Heavenly Father loves you

Love God, Love Neighbors

Find peace and happiness in your life

We minister because we love others

Preform Temple ordinances

Keep it simple

Pros: Don't worry be happy, If you follow the commandments you will find happiness, Keep it simple (KonMarie LDS edition)

Cons: The whole we can control how it impacts our happiness doesn't include neurodivergent people, especially those with depression.

Mathias Held

Found a church (ours) where he felt at home

Personal growth, education, humanitarian efforts, self-reliance

Wanted to know everything about the church before joining

Mosiah 1:18

Confident that Heavenly Father would guide him

Through the power of the Holy Ghost we may know all things

Pros: Short and sweet, lists what attracts people to the church

Cons: May make some people in process of conversion feel left out or like they aren't on track/moving fast enough

Neil Anderson

God has given us a way to learn essential truths

See truths of God through the Eye of Faith

Spirit sons and daughters (AND CHILDREN, ELDER ANDERSON! AND CHILDREN!) lived with and worshipped god

We all knew God's plan for us

Prophets see ahead, not only the dangers, but the privileges and blessings

Faith, patience, and diligence

We are all part of a larger family

God will shine his approval on you

Pros: Its about the Plan of Salvation, Eye of Faith, We are all part of a larger family and should strive to help each other, I like the notion that the prophets are also seeing Good things because the world has been very much the bad place as of late..

Cons: I'm pretty sure this is the one where he mentions his LGBTQIA friend who was all like "we need to abandon the ways of the world and thus I be celibate" so... Slight homophobia maybe? I don't know I didn't write it down but a lot of people are bothered by this

Takashi Wada

Overcome darts of the Adversart

True feasting is an experience of joy and thanksgiving

Feasting on scriptures should build our relationship with God

Hearts filled with Gratitude

1. words of Christ increase spiritual capacity for revelation

2. when we struggle with our identity and self esteem, turn to the scriptures

3. live lives of others through the scriptures

A little boy handed Wada's mother a hymn book even though she coukd have easily accessed it herself, an innocent act of kindness he learned through the church and his parents

Hearts burn within us when we read the scriptures

Ye shall have eternity

Pro: This man??? so Sweet??? Hi I love him?, Very innocent stories, very funny.

Con: There is none. Perfect talk.

David P. Homer

"I'm sorry I didn't bear my testimony today, I love you"

1. Critical moments, multiple voices with competing directions, 2. Vital that we listen to the right one

We often focus on what's convenient

Popular =/= best

Mountain climbers' death zone= Spiritual too much time in bad places

Korihor

Impressions given by the Holy Ghost

Seek God's voice

Be doers of the word, not just hearers

Answers can be slow to come

Heavenly Father makes it possible to hear and follow his commandments.

Pro: His opening quote is really cute, Wow this is a call out talk

Con: You may feel called out if you don't follow commandments

Jeffery R. Holland

Adam and Eve closed door to immortality

Help comes from the Lamp of God

Offer broken heart and contrite spirit

Reduce clamor in our buildings

Be mindful of broken hearts and sad spirits around us

No shortage of suffering in the world

Lift load from those who are burdened

Bring tears to the Lord's Sacrificial Altar

Pros: calls people to acknowledge those who are hurt around us, calls people to stop using church for socialization

Cons: What is a Lamp of God?, How can we focus on broken hearts and contrite spirits without hurting them?

#book of mormon #mormon #queerstake #lds #ldsteen #tumblrstake #gencon #general conference #lds conference #mormon conference #latter day saints conference #latter day saints #the church of jesus christ of latter day saints

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let-me-love-you-loki · 5 years

Text

Hounds of Justice--Ch. 70

Chapter 70

Roman grinned as he poked his head into the door. “Hey, I’m going to grab something from catering. You want to come?”

I smiled and pushed myself away from the table where I worked. It was very different from getting ready in the locker rooms for a match, but it was something I was slowly getting used to. Being back amongst the rest of the superstars was helping more than I thought it would.

“Of course,” I said as I followed him. “I’m actually starving, but I’ve been so nervous about the last-minute changes to the match. With Sasha getting hurt this weekend, I had to re-block the match with Nikki and Alicia. And you know how they are.”

Roman chuckled. “Well, that’s what you get when homegirl doesn’t have any concern for her safety. We been telling Sasha for years to stop with the suicide dives. But does she listen?”

It felt so good to laugh with him again. His radiator warmth was still there, filling the air around us until I felt as if I’d been wrapped up in an electric blanket. I was suddenly thrown back to the first few nights of my time on the main Roster. Roman had accepted me into the fold, treated me just like a little sister, worrying about me, and letting me be part of the Hounds.

The only sound was the rubber of my wheels against the polished concrete floors. It had become so familiar that it was almost like my heartbeat. However much I longed for the time before it had been part of my life, I knew that it wasn’t going to change.

Roman stopped and slipped in front of me. He grinned at me, something mischievous in his black eyes. “Know what today is?”

I watched the way joy lit up his features. “What did you do, Ro?”

He laughed and started walking backward toward catering, beckoning me forward with a finger. “I can’t believe that you forgot your own birthday. Again.”

I stopped, flipping through the calendar in my mind. I swore that I was going to be prepared this year—maybe do a little dinner with the Hounds, Becky, Renee. Yet I’d gotten so caught up in keeping the match together and everything that had been going on with my doctors that I’d totally forgotten about it.

“In my own defense…” I started.

He flipped his hand at me, a laughing smirk on his face. Before I could say anything else, Roman slipped around behind me and started pushing my chair toward catering. The noise level picked up as we got closer—more than the typical shouting and hustle going on in the place.

Dean skidded around the corner, a wild smile on his face when he saw the two of us. “Dollface! Birthday girl!” From behind his back, he pulled out a stack of paper party hats complete with tinsel. “No admittance without the appropriate attire.”

I couldn’t help but giggle as Dean carefully put the hat on me, taking care that he didn’t snap the elastic beneath my chin. He stuck one on himself and tossed the other at Roman before giving me a playful kiss on the cheek. “Gimme a lift?”

Laughing, I patted my knees. “We’ll give it a go. No guarantees that the whole thing won’t fall apart.”

“Better not risk it then,” Dean said with a smirk. He swept around behind me, shooing Roman away with a kick to the thigh. “Tell the rest of them the princess is on the way!”

I rolled my eyes as Roman jogged off ahead. Dean fell into step beside me, letting me set the pace. His reckless energy reminded me of other times, the two of us in the ring at house shows, hamming it up and showing off. I missed those days more than I cared to admit.

“Seth’s gonna shoot me,” he said softly, hands tucked in his pockets.

“Why?”

He reached out and tugged on the end of my ponytail. There was something both playful and apprehensive in his voice when he spoke. “Act surprised, okay? Later on. Not in front of everyone, he knows better than that. But… just act surprised.”

I stopped, forced myself to think calmly. “Are you… Dean, you can’t be serious.”

“As a heart attack, dollface,” he said solemnly.

For a moment, everything went blurry. I couldn’t make sense of what was going on around me. The world shifted beneath my feet, turning me sideways. I thought I was going to be sick.

And then I was hit with some delirious sort of joy. Like the first moment when I stepped into the ring… only a thousand times more powerful. Something sizzled in my veins, rushed along my skin. It turned my nerves into firecrackers that I swore I could feel in the soles of my feet. Blood pumped in my ears. I was nearly ready to cry with the overwhelming sensation of it all.

“Even with all this?” I asked plaintively, gesturing to my chair. As often as he reassured me that he didn’t mind, I always feared somewhere in my mind that Seth would quickly get frustrated with the new no-sex aspect of our relationship. I couldn’t understand how what Dean insinuated could be real. “You’re fucking with me, Ambrose.”

Dean swept in front of me, his hands braced on the armrests of my chair. He leaned over, eye to eye with me. “I might fuck around about a lot of things, Llane. But never something like this. Now practice your surprise face.”

~~~~~~~~~~

There was so much cake. Too much cake for any one of these athletes to be eating before they went out to perform. Becky had three pieces all on her own, and she was part of a tag team match later that night. I could have sworn that Braun demolished half of the huge sheet cake by himself.

“Happy birthday, Llane,” Seth said from beside me. He had one arm draped over the back of my chair, fingertips brushing slow circles on my shoulder blade.

I grinned, even though I was slightly overwhelmed with the attention that swirled around catering with so many of the superstars and crew gathered together. Being there with him, with Roman and Dean, Becky and Braun and Finn, it felt like being home again. Those people… they were more than my friends—they were my family.

“Thanks for this,” I whispered, leaning my head against his shoulder.

He smiled. “I know you don’t like a big hoopla… but we couldn’t let your birthday go by without something. We just want you to know how much we love you. How happy we are to have you here with us.”

Melancholy leaked into his voice. My fingers found his free hand, brushed against his roughened palm. I let my thumb stroke against the inside of his wrist where the faded tattoo of Forever sat inside a burning page.

“I’m so grateful for you,” I whispered. “All the parts of you—Seth, Tyler, Colby and everyone in between.”

He swallowed, deep brown eyes shifting across the room. The others had started clearing out—to prepare for the show, to rest, to figure out how to put on a good show with 800 calories and a shit-ton of carbs running through their veins. After a while, it was just a few of us. Seth and I. Roman. Dean and Renee. Becky. Finn. Braun.

Dean caught my eye, gave me a faint grin and a nod.

This was it.

“Llane…” Seth spoke distractedly, leaning back so that he could dig his fingers into the pocket of his jeans. “You know how much I love you, right?”

Wordless, I nodded. Tears started welling in my eyes. Time compressed, stood still.

“The good and the bad. That’s what I want with you,” he said, holding out something caught between his fingers. It was an oval cut white diamond that was surrounded by small black diamonds. The band was rose gold and carved with scrolling designs and inset with more of the black stones. It was petite. It was beautiful.

It was perfect.

“Yes.”

He grinned. I grinned back. From across the room, Dean whooped his approval.

Llane’s Ring

Tag List

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#hounds of justice #seth rollins #seth rollins fanfiction #dean ambrose #roman reigns #wwe #wwe fanfiction #llane black #ofc #oc #multi-chapter #real world person fanfiction

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