#I need to post more of these sorry I'm a coward lols
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Aziraphale and "I Forgive You"
So after I watched the first season a few times however many years ago, I noticed something, wrote up a bit of a meta about it and then never posted it. I thought that it was either very obvious or very silly and either way, no one needed to see it. But now it's several years and another season later and again, I'm noticing the exact same thing so here it goes- I think the reason Aziraphale keeps saying that he forgives Crowley has overall very little to do with what Crowley has just done right before Aziraphale says it and much more to do with a secret Aziraphale hides deep within himself and has for thousands of years, a truth that he hates to acknowledge and is terrified to speak aloud: he thinks God is wrong to have not Forgiven Crowley.
Get settled in because this is gonna take a bit.
The first time I started noticing this really clearly is the Bandstand Breakup scene. Crowley starts by cussing God literally out- "For the record, great, pustulant, mangled bollocks to the Great blasted Plan." To which Aziraphale says, "May you be forgiven." And yes, Crowley has just sinned and Aziraphale is a stuffy angel but the way Aziraphale says it is like a hope, atleast to my ears. Like he's really wishing that God will see how good Crowley truly is and bring him back to Heaven even though he keeps doing stupid stuff like this
Anyway, Crowley then responds with, "I won't be forgiven. Not ever. Part of a demon's job description. Unforgivable. That's what I am." And Aziraphale responds again with a hopeful sounding, "You were an angel once." At this point, I was almost sure that he's talking about his personal wishes here. It sounds like he's saying, "Come on, Crowley. There's a chance." To which Crowley responds, "That was a long time ago," basically saying it's impossible and shutting that whole bit of the conversation down. And you can just watch Aziraphale's face fall at that, like it kills him for that to be true.
The next time the topic of forgiveness and Crowley comes up is when Crowley shows up to beg Aziraphale to run away with him one last time. In this conversation, Aziraphale is very adamant that if he talks to the right people, they won't want the apocalypse and they'll stop it. He, of course, thinks this because his most core belief is that God is good and that even if we don't understand how what God is doing is good right now, it will lead to goodness eventually via the Rube Goldburg machine which is time and the universe etc aka God is ineffable. But even Aziraphale can't imagine how the ineffable Rube Goldburg machine could turn an event where everything on earth dies into a good one so therefore, he's certain that God doesn't want the Apocalypse.
Crowley responds to this hope with, "You're so clever. How can someone as clever as you be so stupid?" to which Aziraphale responds, "I forgive you" in a very gentle but sure tone. And now yes, while it is entirely possible that Aziraphale is forgiving Crowley for calling him stupid, I've always felt like that would be a rather weighty response considering how mild an insult it is. It's also possible (and I feel slightly more likely) that Aziraphale is forgiving Crowley for his lack of faith, his inability to believe in the goodness of God anymore.
And that could definitely be it, but if we think about the way Aziraphale had talked about forgiveness at the Bandstand, the hope and desire that he seemed to put into the idea of forgiveness and Crowley and the fact that Crowley had dismissed it as entirely impossible for him to ever be forgiven, than a third read of Aziraphale's "I forgive you" emerges: one in which Aziraphale is saying, "While God might never forgive you, I do". It's "I might never see you again since you intend to run away to the stars but if this is the last time I ever see you, I want you to know that I think you are deserving of forgiveness. That I see the good in you even if God can't." It's a combination "I love you" and small rebellion against God, because while Aziraphale can't bring himself to give up on Her completely and run away with Crowley (even though a part of him clearly wants to), he is willing to say that She's done this one thing wrong and it's never forgiving Crowley, who Aziraphale can see clearly is more kind and good than any of the angels he knows.
So yeah, that was about where the idea rested at the end of the first season but now we have a bunch of new historical scenes and a new "I forgive you" following a very loaded conversation in which Aziraphale got extremely excited by the idea of Crowley being reinstated as an Angel and I felt like this idea has even more legs than before.
To me, it's very clear that Aziraphale's pitch for Crowley to come back to Heaven isn't him hoping to "reset" Crowley to how he was before the Fall or him being incapable of loving Crowley as a Demon and instead was him being overjoyed to have this secret truth (Crowley is deserving of God's Forgiveness) that he's been observing for 6000ish years be acknowledged and have a chance to come to fruition. After all, as we saw this season (and honestly last season too but less pronounced), Crowley, current Demon Crowley, not the angel he knew over 6000 years ago, has proven over and over again just how truly good he is to Aziraphale.
For example, in the Job sequence, Crowley does a truly good thing that no Angel (beside Aziraphale) would do or even think that they should do and that is save Job's children. And through the entirety of this bit, Aziraphale basically always believes that he will. There are even two moments where Crowley tries his best to scare Aziraphale away, to play up being the bad guy (so as to better hide the con he's running and protect Aziraphale), but Aziraphale's faith in Crowley's goodness does not falter. At the end of the day, it seems clear that Aziraphale has more faith that Crowley will do the good thing, the correct thing than God. Conveniently for Aziraphale's faith in God though, not understanding how something horrible he hates will eventually lead to goodness in the long run is a foundational principle of said faith so his faith in God remains strong even after everything She and Heaven do to Job.
But his faith in Crowley doesn't require such a complicated work around. He believes Crowley won't kill children and he is correct. Though unfortunately, this very simplicity leads to a new problem, a problem that we can see eventually solidify in Aziraphale's mind, becoming a running theme of their association and leading to the eventual "I forgive you"s.
Aziraphale can clearly see how kind and good Crowley is, how he does the right thing as best he can, even when he could (and sometimes does) get into immense trouble for it. But for some reason, despite repeated evidence that Crowley is everything that Aziraphale believes Angels are and should be, Crowley continues to be a Demon. And once you realize that Aziraphale has noticed this contradiction and that it most likely haunts him and is a constant challenge to his worldview, it colors a lot of what he says in a new light. Many of what seem like simple, self-righteous statements reveal themselves to be Aziraphale trying to protecting himself from a massive logical inconsistency he keeps stumbling across.
"It must be bad, otherwise you wouldn't have tempted them into it," Aziraphale says, clearly not quite sure why it's bad actually.
"You, I'm afraid, are evil," Aziraphale asserts, basically stating that Crowley is evil because he's evil. It's tauntological and therefore doesn't have to make sense. (He says this one shortly before Crowley saves Elsbeth from suicide, poverty and damnation.)
"So this is all your demonic work? I should have known," Aziraphale says, thinking, "Aha, this time Crowley must have done the bad thing and therefore continues to deserve being Fallen." (Crowley has, in fact, not done the bad thing but shhhh, worry about that later.)
Once you notice this self defensive habit, you can't unnotice it really, it's just so present in Aziraphale's logic and speech. Aziraphale even at one point says, "Still a demon, then?" after the Ark and Job and Jesus because on some level he probably doesn't want to actually evaluate, it makes no sense to him that Crowley is still a Demon, especially when he has also sinned in a few ways (lied to Gabriel, thwarted the will of God, technically gluttony etc) and nothing has happened to him, to say nothing for all the things Gabriel has done (or has just let passively happen without a thought to interfere).
So yes, I think the entire final argument plays out the way it does because Aziraphale thinks Crowley is good and deserves to be reinstated, to be forgiven by God more than anything.
He comes into their final conversation nervous but excited, to the point where he stomps right over what Crowley is trying to say. "You see I... I have some incredible good news to give you." The good news is for Crowley, you see, because Crowley deserves this and clearly being forgiven like he so deserves should logically make Crowley happy. It will make Aziraphale happy after all.
Aziraphale then starts to describe the conversation that he had with Metatron, stating that he thinks he might have misjudged him. And why would he think that he misjudged the angel who had told him point blank to his face that "The point is not to avoid the war, it is to win it" about the Apocalypse? Well, it's not because he's offered the job of Supreme Archangel, that's for sure. As we can see in the flashback, Aziraphale seems nervous and uninterested in the job at first. He says clearly that he doesn't want to go back to Heaven and even brings up a very half assed excuse to try and weasel out of it, a soft no of, "Where will I get my coffee?"
No, instead, the clear, obvious point where Aziraphale changes his mind about the job and about the Metatron is when he offers to reinstate Crowley as an Angel. Metatron has, quite accidentally (I think? I don't think he actually knows Aziraphale's secret soul), just said one of the most faith affirming things he possibly could to Aziraphale, "We can correct that little error that's been bothering you. You are completely correct that Crowley deserves God's forgiveness."
Given that, it's understandable that Aziraphale is absolutely bubbly about Crowley's reinstatement when he mentions it to him, like the best thing ever has just happened to him even though he's talking about something that will happen to Crowley and not him at all. "You could come back to heaven and- and everything. Like the old times, only even nicer." (Nicer because this time, they are in love. Nicer because they'll both be powerful enough to make a difference.)
Some other bits of Aziraphale's dialogue from this scene that make so much sense through this lens are:
After Crowley tries to reiterate his constant stance that both sides are bad actually, and mentions how he rejected Hell's offer to work with them again, Aziraphale misses his point completely and says, "But well, obviously you said no to Hell, you're the bad guys. But Heaven, it's the side of truth, of light, of good." Aziraphale's faith in the potential goodness of Heaven and the actual goodness of God is unflappable but so is his belief that good is what Crowley wants to be doing. Like of course a good soul like Crowley would reject working for Hell again but why would he reject a chance to do good like he's sneakily been doing all along? (Aziraphale here ignores the fact that he's also had to sneakily do good on the side sometimes even though he was always working for "the side of good" but that is very par for the course for him sadly.)
The lines, "Come with me- to heaven. I'll run it, you can be my second in command. We can make a difference," are a particularly telling set. Everything about these from the high position he's offering Crowley to the "We" scream that Aziraphale trusts Crowley, a Demon, to guide Heaven the correct way more than any angel already in Heaven.
Aziraphale's final, desperate argument also lines up well with this (as well as featuring Aziraphale more completely referencing how he wants him and Crowley to be together romantically). "Come back, to heaven. Work with me! We can be together. Angels... Doing good. I- I need you! I don't think you understand what I'm offering you." Like is the "I need you" here romantic? Definitely. But it's also Aziraphale again affirming that he trusts Crowley to lead him the correct way ie goodness, because, as it's been shown to us many times (and focused on particularly in this season), Crowley will do and always has been doing the correct thing as best he could while Aziraphale would dither and be locked into passivity (like in The Resurrectionists).
So yes, after many attempts to explain to Crowley how he should be in Heaven, doing good and Aziraphale needs his help and one last desperate kiss from Crowley, we reach the final dreaded, "l forgive you." And yes, maybe Aziraphale is forgiving Crowley for not having faith that they can fix heaven, for abandoning him, for kissing him so suddenly. But I hope, after everything I've laid out here in this essay, you can also see why I think Aziraphale is saying, "Even as you reject God's forgiveness and leave me behind, I still see that you are good and know you deserve it so I will forgive you anyway." And maybe, even though it's still blasphemous to disagree with God, it's less scary for Aziraphale to say "I forgive you" one more time than tell Crowley that he loves him for the first time. He is very good at forgiveness after all.
#good omens#good omens meta#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#aziracrow#ineffable partners#crowley#good omens crowley#good omens season two#good omens s2#GOS2 Spoilers#Fingers crossed that next season Aziraphale realizes that while yes#Crowley is quite good#he doesn't need to be forgiven because he is in fact the wronged party here but we shall see#My GO Thoughts and Feels#I sure do hope it's apparent how much I love Aziraphale from this and it doesn't come across super negatively#This is forever a no Aziraphale hate allowed zone#but yes I spent forever writing this#so I hope it's clear#I need to post more of these sorry I'm a coward lols
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Situationship with Konig (part 2)
fem!reader x situationship!konig
MDNI
Part 1
y'all weren't feeling the angst like I was lol, and i did promise a fluffy fic since I've been posting depressing shit. for the record, i'd love to keep part 1 as the ending, but I know it's sad....
happy ending! drinking, angst, some mentions of smut
konig didn't intend for this to happen. he didn't want to leave you, but he felt like a coward. he always wanted you. but the voices in his head kept saying things like "you're not good enough" and "she'll never want you." and so he left.
you weren't satisfied with Soap's one-sentence answer that konig didn't want to be a part of the team anymore. you needed to hear it straight from the Austrian beast himself. but you had no way of contacting him. no burner phone, social media handle, not even an email. konig was effectively off the map. which was probably good for someone of his profession, but it did nothing but upset you. and it wasn't like you could go asking around for a scary Austrian man's phone number without arousing suspicion.
you went to Soap for help. surely there was something he could do? soap said he'd try, but made no promises. it went on like this for weeks, you constantly asking Soap if he made any contact with konig, wondering if he would come back to 141. but nothing.
you didn't think it would be tonight, a random fucking tuesday night at 7:30, that you'd run into konig again at a bar you probably shouldn't have been in. 141 invited you to go out with them, wanting a quiet night off base, and you agreed without realizing this bar was in a seedy edge of town, with tightly shut curtains behind scratched glass and neon signs that flickered or didn't work at all. but you went in with them anyway, and you almost fainted when you saw konig hunched over the bar with a small glass of vodka in his large hand. he looked like he could've crushed the glass so easily, yet his ungloved grip was barely holding the glass between his fingers. his signature hood was on, as always.
ghost, soap, and gaz went up to the bar and pretended not to watch how you went up to konig with angry tears. you stood next to him as he stared down at his lap before he noticed you. he nearly jumped out of the barstool.
"verdammt," he whispered under his breath when he saw you. "i...didn't expect to see you here," konig said as he slurred his words.
"you lied to me," you said plainly as you fought back more tears.
konig glanced at soap and the others, who were staring at you two. konig looked away from you. "i'm sorry," he muttered before slightly lifting his hood and downing the rest of his vodka.
"why did you lie to me, konig?"
he sighed and looked down at the wooden countertop. "i didn't....want to hurt you..."
You scoffed. "you didn't want to hurt me?" you repeated. "fuck you, konig!" you said angrily as you began to cry. "leaving was the worst thing you could've done."
konig's eyes grew wide when you cussed at him, and his whole body tensed when you cried.
"i liked you konig. i still do," you admitted through your tears. he was as still as stone as he looked at you. you wiped your eyes and looked at him.
"don't you have anything to say?" you asked expectantly.
suddenly, you were engulfed by two wide wide arms against a hard, toned chest. you could smell the alcohol on his breath as he leaned his head down near the top of yours. he was holding you so tightly.
"do you mean it?" he whispered on the crown of your head.
"yes, i do," you say against his chest. "i wish you wouldn't have left."
"you deserve better," konig uttered, almost to himself.
you sighed against his chest. "shut up, konig. none of that."
he gingerly placed his large hand on top of your head. if you were with him in any other context, it might've been arousing, it might've sent you to your knees like you've done for him countless times. but there was nothing but love and vulnerability in his gentle touch.
"come back to the team," you whispered.
"ok" he said before you could even finish. "only if you let me take you out on a date."
You smiled and looked up at him. "you have a deal."
#konig fic#konig#konig x reader#cod mw2#konig smut#konig cod#konig imagine#konig call of duty#konig mw2#konig headcanons#konig modern warfare#konig fluff#sub konig#konig x you#call of duty mw2#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare 2#call of duty mwii#modern warfare 2#konig cosplay#cod konig#cod modern warfare#mw2#modern warfare x you#codmw2#könig cod
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BrokenHearts4Caplan Challenge
**ignore the graphic, i did it in literally two minutes lol.
So it's been a little while since i hosted a challenge, and since my last one sadly flopped, i ran a poll over sometime, and an angst challenge won the poll. (don't worry, im still gonna do the other writing challenge soon!)
But on the note! here's the newest challenge for you all!
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Rules:
It’s not necessary to follow me, but it’s always appreciated.
There are no deadlines, but please keep me updated on your fics.
Tag the fic #brokenheartsforcaplan
Also tag me in the authors notes (along with the hashtag so I know which Masterlist to place the fic when I post it)
Please tag the proper warnings before the fic
Must be MCU characters only
prompts are all up for grabs. they will not be crossed out if taken
No RPFs
If you’d like to write for more than one prompt, please make them separate fics
Can be however long you’d like the fic to be. (If it’s more than 450 words PLEASE use the keep reading feature.
If I do not respond to your fic being posted in 24hours of you posting the fic, please message me a link.
Send me an ask or a DM with your prompt and the character you’re writing for.
Prompts are down below
“I can’t pretend to love you anymore.”
“Please don’t do this.”
“I loved you, with every fiber of my being. And this is how you return the love?”
“Why don’t you trust me?”
“This can’t be goodbye.”
“Don’t come back ever again.”
“First time seeing a dead body, eh?”
“Please don’t walk out.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“We were never meant to be.”
“I just wanted to be enough for you.”
“I don’t forgive you.”
“Stop saying sorry! It’s always ‘I’m sorry’. When you really aren’t!”
“Get up and fight, you coward!”
“I know you’re lying.”
“I’m so stupid to think we had something.”
“You never cared about me.”
“This isn’t working…”
“I can’t believe you thought this was real.”
“No. We can’t… we are too toxic for each other.”
“Why me..?”
“Us? There was never an ‘us’.”
“No, we can’t- we can't do this.”
“Someone might see us- stop.”
"... What else am I supposed to do?"
“Where else can I go?”
“What do you mean, you’re dying?”
“How could you do this to me?”
“You were never supposed to survive that mission!”
“Leave them; they’re mine!"
“Did you really mean that? you don’t love me?”
“If you don’t love me, prove it to me. prove to me that you’ve never felt something towards me. look at me.”
” Is this what you wanted, huh? you could just make me fall in love with you and then just- just fucking leave? do you really expect me to be okay with that?”
“I wish we had more time.”
“This isn’t the real you talking.”
"Freedom is just a concept, isn't it?"
"I'm not some toy you can play with!"
“Don’t you love me?”
“What did you expect me to say?”
“This will be the last time you lie to me.”
“How did you think this wouldn’t hurt me?”
“I hope you're happier.”
“At least you got what you wanted.”
“I was miserable, and I still loved you.”
“Stop pretending. You wanted me like this… You wanted me broken and you got what you wanted.”
“You don’t own me.”
“I was nothing to you. I was only a toy for you to manipulate and I fell for it.”
“I spent so much time hoping you’d come back to me.”
"You mean nothing to me."
“If I leave, you will never see me again.”
“Don’t – Don’t make me fall in love again.”
“No, please, I don't want to die!”
“Why can’t you be happy for me for once?”
“We shouldn’t be together anymore. I’m supposed to hate you.”
“Why would you do this to us?”
“How could I be so oblivious.”
“Why did I even think I could be enough for you?”
“I needed to hold you once more.”
“I don’t understand... Wha- what are you saying...”
“I don’t want to say something I’ll regret later.”
“Haha! You think I love you? That’s pathetic.”
“What the fuck do you mean, you killed him?”
“You don’t get to leave and then come back after all this time and expect me to welcome you with open arms.”
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if we got a second season of tfatws what would you want to be in it 👀
Oh my gosh, such a good question to ask! 😆 A very hard one too Cassie, lemme think on this 🤔
Okay, a few things that would be a must would be:
A "Meanwhile, on the boat..." moment, or perhaps a montage of moments where things are happening throughout the MCU movies that happened post-TFATWS and Sam and Bucky are just 😂 on the boat, hearing about the events after the fact. I keep thinking about the scene in season 7 of Supernatural where they montage Dean commenting on what Castiel does with his new godlike powers while Dean fixes his car, but it doesn't have to be like that (3:16-3:46 here for reference lol).
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Sam needs to save Bucky from falling. Sam had someone he couldn't save in the air. Bucky didn't have anyone to save him when he fell. Sam and Bucky both need that catharsis and it's wild that didn't happen in the first season.
Sam flying around as Bucky snipes at things 😂 Again - how did that not happen in the first season?
Sam and Bucky must either be already roommates or looking for an apartment which will be the place they will live in together.
Sarah, AJ, and Cass must be in it as well as other people we've seen like Carlos, Tommy, Isaiah, and Eli.
Another song by Curtis Harding must close the show's next sunset ending (it MUST be a good ending where they look into the sunset again, I'm sorry, I don't make the rules). Perhaps Can't Hide It by Curtis Harding?
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Joaquín! There must be more Jay, I refuse to believe there wouldn't be so much more Jay in a season two.
FLASHBACKS. WHERE. WERE. THE. FLASHBACKS. Gimme Sam and Riley flashbacks, flashbacks of Sam with his family, gimme more info on Sam.
Can we???? Get more info on Sarah too???? Like was she married before??? Who are Cass and AJ's dad or dads??? How does she feel about Sam disappearing for a huge chunk of years??? I just want to know more about her.
And GIDEON. GIVE SAM HIS OLDER BROTHER.
Also, GIVE SAM BIRD TELEPATHY, YOU COWARDS, AS WELL AS A FALCON NAMED REDWING.
AYO AND ANEKA VISIT. THEY HAVE TO VISIT. LET AYO AND ANEKA BE BESTIES WITH SAM AND BUCKY.
Acknowledgment that Sam found Bucky in Europe but kept Bucky's secret and visited Bucky. Also that Sam visited Bucky during his time as a goatherder in Wakanda, possibly with a reference to the costco tub of lube 😂
MORE EPISODES. GIVE US MORE EPISODES. GIVE US TEN EPISODES AT LEAST, YOU COWARDS.
Things I can live without but I think would be a waste if they aren't in a hypothetical season two:
A huge and exciting action sequence during a New Orleans Mardi Gras Parade with Sam being the King of that parade.
There's a team of villainous jugglers in the Marvel comics called the Death-Throws. I really want them as secondary comedic villains who may or may not be kind of good people a la Jessie, James, and Meowth from Team Rocket in Pokemon movies. Just let Sam and Bucky have some comedy villains in the background doing their thing, Marvel.
Visiting Steve on the Moon. I just think Sam and Bucky deserve space shenanigans. I will also take a Facetime, if that's too out of budget, though.
Misty Knight cameo where Sam and Misty either imply or outright talk about being exes. Probably amicable, though, it would be funny if Sam's a bit awkward about it, but Misty's chill with him.
Karli resurrection. She deserved more of a redemption arc than Walker. Bring her back to life, Disney, I dare you.
Bucky and Falcon!Redwing don't get along. More because Bucky is jealous than anything else.
A VISIT TO WAKANDA! Do they go to Birnin Zana? Do they visit the town Bucky was living in as a goatherder? Do they go to Ayo and Aneka's home for dinner? Maybe they possibly only let Sam into the country while Ayo is like "I told you to lie low for a while, White Wolf" to Bucky 😂
Baron Zemo can have a cameo, if only because Anthony Mackie was bummed that Daniel Brühl isn't a part of Cap 4.
Wildest Options I Don't Think Would Happen But I Would Love:
SamBucky wedding. It all takes place the days leading up to their wedding. Or, if I'm being more realistic, a wedding. Like, if, say Sarah and Rhodey were getting married or Carol and Valkyrie or perhaps Ayo and Aneka.
SamBucky kiss? Though, again, highly doubt that and I'm really okay with SamBucky not being canon.
Fourth wall break where Feige himself walks into a room, sits down, and apologizes about how he treated Sam Wilson's character in the MCU and promises to do better. He pulls out an entire slide show and the episode is just him talking about how he will be integrating Sam more thoroughly into the MCU. I'm talking how specifically Sam will cameo, where he will cameo, pitches for other projects Sam will be heavily tied to, the works.
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(this is so long, i am so sorry)
i understand why the artist was offended because your post made some pretty strong if not aggressive arguments, and i'm sure some assholes took the opportunity to send that person anon hate which probably made it feel more like a personal attack than it actually was, but i am honestly so sick and tired of people using their real life trauma as an excuse for every single thing. i may not have some deep, life altering trauma but i have my own issues and experiences and i too use fiction and art to cope but here we're not just talking about fiction and art, hell we're not talking about fiction at all. the ethics of shipping real life people are already questionable enough and i don't think there's a clear cut and dry answer but taking someone so repulsive, so downright dangerous, as Vargs and not only making cute artworks of him a if he's your casual anime boy, but also shipping him with a person who hated him, is inexcusable. just saying that you don't like or support Vargs is not enough when you have practically dedicated an entire account to making fanart of him. the Mayhem community is already messy enough and by doing that, they downplay what a piece of shit Vargs is and the pain he caused. (no matter how unintentional). also can we talk about Pelle for a moment? claiming to like him and pair him with such a horrible person? using him as a prop and completely ignoring his real life relationships and beliefs? how is that fair? people are already infantalizing him enough because of his mental illness and possible autism. how about realizing that Pelle is not a prop? that he was a person who deserves respect and that drawing him in the embrace of his friends murderer, is not being respectful to say the least? what about Oystein? no one seems to want to address were Olystein fits in this situation at all, why? was he not the person affected the most by Vargs? was he not his victim? putting his friend with his murderer feels like a huge fuck you to him. overall, painting someone in a positive light and later going 'lol im just kidding' is not good enough. Vargs (amongst others..) has spend the majority of his time insulting, belittling, even sexualizing Oystein, in an attempt to ruin his legacy and he has mostly succeeded because he's surrounded by cowards like himself who don't have the balls to stand up and speak the truth. the first thing people come across when researching Mayhem is the same bullshit about what a ''terrible'' person Oystein was and how he ''needed to be stopped''. this is the narrative Vargs has created and if you don't care enough to look deeper, you'll end up believing his lies and blaming a dead person. therefore such artwork, that completely rewrites the history and relationships of these people, can be very dangerous because it can actualy help Vargs into better selling his stupid narrative. i'm not saying that this particular artist is a bad person or that they're lying about their trauma or any bullshit like that, but art affects real life and the moment you post sth online you've opened yourself to criticism. do these Vargs/Pelle fics have more depth than initially presented? maybe. maybe they truly are a great psychological analysis of Vargs (although i don't understand why the hell you'd want to touch that with a ten-foot pole) but you can't blame people for not seeing that. whenever i see fanart of a ship, i don't sit wondering what the artist wants to say with their piece, i either like it bc i like the ship or i don't. if this is your copying mechanism, fine. can't criticize someone's copying mechanisms without sounding like an asshole i guess. but my advice is that maybe people need to take a better look at themselves and see how their interests affect others as well. you can do whatever in your own time but when you post it online it contributes to sth bigger whether you like it or not.
Don't worry about the length of your messages. I like that you elaborate.
I agree with everything and thank you for your message.
I honestly don't understand when this person says that she is NOT a fan of Varg, or that she doesn't like him and makes fun of him. I haven't seen anything mocking. I've only seen a great idealization of the young Varg, who was a horrible person, more violent than the current Varg. And a certain idealization of the "wonderful" intellect of the current Varg. I'm sorry to say that "the mockery" is poorly done. Like when you have to explain a joke, if no one understand it, it's because it's done poorly.
About Pelle, I liked this: "claiming to like him and pair him with such a horrible person? using him as a prop and completely ignoring his real life relationships and beliefs?" Yes, that's why I said Pelle is not a ball that goes from here to there. I also agree that no one seems to think what's going on with Euro in this situation. In my case, it is almost the first thing that shocks me, it is a double offense towards him. That's why I wonder if there is something, deep down, against the Euro. Because romanticizing Varg SO MUCH, yes or yes, for me, brings with it some kind of sympathy for his ideologies, therefore, some kind of resentment towards Euro. When people attack Euro, they generally resort to two things: lies about the mistreatment of Pelle, and his political inclinations, painting him as an authoritarian extremist fanatic. And therefore, Varg as a person who was encouraged to go further and do "something that many would want to do."
Varg is a failure who does not know how to value the only good thing in him, his musical talent. He did not know how to value the influence of Euro and the environment in which he found himself. Now he is a clown who needs to resort to ridiculing himself on the internet to stay current, so that his morbid followers consume him "as ironic consumption." It's an internet phenomenon. And he is free only because the Norwegian prison regime is very soft. I think he should be under psychiatric treatment because he can't stop being a bad influence, even on his children, or they should send him to hard labor, so that he can channel his anger through physical labor instead of the internet.
Perhaps the girls who draw Varg romantically and the people who are big fans of him beyond his music do not specifically have his same ideologies, but they admire him in some way, and it is clear that his systematically offensive attitudes are not enough to stop them and scare them away I sincerely feel that they see him as a master. I see Varg as the typical cult leader, and I feel cringe at the adoration they profess of him.
"i'm not saying that this particular artist is a bad person or that they're lying about their trauma or any bullshit like that, but art affects real life and the moment you post sth online you've opened yourself to criticism." What you said sums it up. I don't doubt that this girl could be harmless in real life, and that she has traumas and that her art and fanfics help her in her introspection. I fully believe her when she says it, but the debate does not end with whether something is therapeutic or not. It is up to her to choose what things to express her art on. She don't lack talent, why do you choose Varg? That's what's shocking, I mean, it's shocking that she brings Pelle into this and twists history to support her capricious ship and celebrate that more and more people join her ship. There you can see that she doesn't do it for herself, she wants more people to romanticize Varg and have the vision of Pelle that she has, which, in my opinion, is a bit humiliating and objectifying.
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💚✨ 💚 Yoosung Kim 💚 ✨💚
★A mirror of sadness: depression, grief & isolation★
After reading this post, I feel like I've been slapped lol he's really more than I gave him credit for, which is why I'm going to add something I learned while I was studying how to write better but whatever... let's get into it.
There's a thing called Foils, Simultaneous contrast and doppelgangers which I'm starting to study in Literature.
So, the thing with Yoosung is that he's there to allow the others shine too. As it's expressed by @yooseven-heaven , he's our mentor, but also, it is important to the whole game in a different way.
You'll see, foils are "opposite" characters. That are there to highlight others either by flaws or skills. So in a way, Yoosung is Jaehee foil. If he was hardworking (or if he lets us know he is hardworking) Jaehee suffer would never be as meaningful as it is, so in hindsight we would never understand Jaehee enough for us to point it out to Jumin. Because his behavior was quite deplorable with her.
But he is not Jumin either, if he was to be as skilled, rich or smooth as the others, the others wouldn't shine through. And also, it is thanks to him that we are told not to overwork ourselves. Several times during the whole game. So if you feel down you just have to look at him for some encouragement. And yes, Zen tells you that too. But he is one of those who doesn't do as its told. He drinks beer, doesn't even eat properly. Let me remind you it's Yoosung who actually eats better than Zen lol so, in a way, Yoosung existence helps Zen to tell us we should eat properly and sleep when its needed... or play games! Ironically I can see a bit of a parallel with these two though I have yet to acquire these endings (i'm too much of a coward lol)
Anyways Jaehee is so busy she can't actually say anything because of that. He also helps the player (at least it has helped me several times lol because I don't want to be like him and complain all day about stuff.) to get over everything faster.
Plus, if you look a bit into his past we are told that he was actually an excellent student, quite popular among girls too and he even rejected several girls under the impression that he would be able to date them in college. And then maybe he would but Rika's death happened. So he would definitely be a great boyfriend material at that time but not after that. What happened to him was basically, depression. But who wouldn't get depressed after all that? Even the song says it so: I miss Happy Rika
What if Happy Rika doesn't only refers to Rika but Yoosung itself?? Just a thought.
Now let's talk about Simultaneous Contrast. And because I suck with explaining these concepts i'm gonna leave a quote I heard from a great video analysis on Jane Austen characters, the video itself and an image where i'm summarizing everything up:
Quote:
Everything you see affects everything you see. So by nature we are always choosing the middle ground.
Image:
Video:
youtube
So on one side we have Jaehee, Zen and Jumin who are always working and on the other side we have Yoosung. In middle we have Seven. Who is really hardworking too, but also tends to lose a lot of time playing around. Now keep in mind that while I did say he was trying to mirror us (since we're the ones who are playing the game and so is he) he also has his own persona to add to this mix so it's not disappearing entirely under that mirror.
And this is why Yoosung is important as a character and can stand his own ground.
(Sorry I didn't went into a lot of detail with all the depression and mourning but those things are heavily triggering for me right now so I won't be able to fulfill it properly. Maybe I'll come back from time to time and add a line or two if I can gather my thoughts.)
#Youtube#mystic messenger#character analysis#analysis#mm#mysme#mysme yoosung#yoosung kim#yoosung#kim yoosung#mysme zen#zen#jaehee#jaehee kang#jumin#jumin han#rika mm#rika mystic messenger#mysme rika#Spotify
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Several months ago I was feeling nostalgic & played Dragon Age Origins and Dragon Age II again, about a decade after I had first played them. A few weeks I posted my fan art of my OC & Alistair. Now it's time for my Hawke OC & her love interest!
When I had first played DAII, I made Anders my love interest. This time around, I decided to change things up & make my character go for the broody Fenris. It took a lot to get him to slightly warm up to my character (whom I named "Chevaune Hawke), but then there was that sexy scene where Fenris couldn't help himself and he kissed Hawke, and then she returned the kiss by pushing him against the wall. (I never knew she had it in her! Lol!) But after they got intimate, darned Fenris was already getting dressed, so Hawke asked, "Was it that bad?" To which Fenris replied, "I'm sorry. It's not...it was fine. No...that is insufficient. It was better than anything I could have dreamed." I got why he was afraid to get close to somebody, so Chevaune & Fenris remained "just friends" (no intimacy" for a few years, but I made my character loyal to him.
Eventually, this conversation happened:
Fenris – “We have never discussed what happened between us three years ago.”
Hawke – “You didn’t want to talk about it.”
Fenris – “I felt like a fool. I thought it better if you hated me. I deserve no less. But it isn’t better. That night… I remember your touch as if it were yesterday. I should have asked your forgiveness long ago. I hope you can forgive me know.”
Hawke – “I need to understand why you left, Fenris.”
Fenris – “I’ve thought about the answer a thousand times. The pain, the memories it brought up, it was too much. I was a coward. If I could go back, I’d stay. Tell you how I felt.”
Hawke – “What would you have said?”
Fenris – “Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you. ”
Hawke – “I understand. I always understood.”
Fenris – “If there is a future to be had, I will walk gladly into it at your side.”
Then they kissed. Awwwww. Ha ha. They had such a complicated relationship but I'm glad my Chevaune Hawke got his heart & affections. Especially at the end, before the final battle...Fenris said, "“I…may not get the chance to say this again. Meeting you was the most important thing that ever happened to me, Hawke. Promise me you won’t die. I can’t bear the thought of living without you.” Notice how I drew him wearing the Hawke logo at his hip? He eventually wears that in the game after a while.
At one point during the game (before all the final battle/ending stuff), Anders questioned Chevaune, stating that he did get what she saw in Fenris & hinted that she be better with him instead! In fact, all my companions questioned my relationship with Fenris! LOL! Varric once stated, "I haven't told anybody about you and that angsty Trevinter elf." Ha ha! Even Chevaune's grumpy arse uncle (Gamlen) said (in a snarky tone), "So you're into elves now? It takes all kinds of people." Oh, shut up. Ha ha. There was a lot more bantering & conversations, but I'm not going to type them here, because it would take up a lot of space! As it is, I already wrote too much! *Grins*
Drawn with Sakura Pigma Micron pens, then coloured in with a mix of Copic Markers & Ohuhu Markers.
Fan artwork © Jacqueline E. McNeese
Dragon Age II/Fenris/Hawke © Electronic Arts/Bioware
#dragon age#dragon age fan art#dragon age fanart#dragon age art#da fanart#dragon age ii#da 2#dragon age 2#hawke#dragon age hawke#dragon age oc#fenris#dragon age fenris#dragon age romances#dragon age elf#kirkwall#electronic arts#copic markers#ohuhu markers#traditional art
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Well interacting with you makes my week too! **aggressive friendly fist bump**
I hope your holidays are going well 😁
Wolfheart is ending me. Can I pet that dawg? CAN I PET THAT DAWG? (https://vt.tiktok.com/ZGeN9U7kG/)
I love seeing the hairy SH art! PCOS / trans / wolf girlie, I stan all versions I see. We're not cowards here! The new band drawings are fire, still making my heartrate go jglcbxlw. And seeing the growth? Honestly it's magic to me, I think it's perfect then it becomes even more perfect and I'm just how?? How possible?
Veteran'zel, Baby'zel, Beam'zel, Horny'zel, Rat'zel, all I do is love'zel! The cheetah/dog doodle + wet rat'zel made me hiccup from laughter, we were blessed.
Buddy, Karlach's got her tail docked like the gith children, that's why! See, problem fixed **insert Flex Tape meme**
Also for Lae'zel's accent : yes, she would have such a harsh accent! As a foreign speaker, the pronunciation isn't always intuitive and is sometimes paradoxal. She probably never used some sounds, and it's hard to guess a lot of them. It's so inconsistent. I lack air in the middle of my sentences because of the tonal accentuations differences. Languages are crazy man. Lae'zel would have a stroke, struggling to say "library" with Gale correcting her.
I've been upgraded to bestie? Careful, I feel like the most specialest goblin in town now 😎
I also wanted to share with you my recent victory : I passed my exams with unexpectedly high grades! It's been 10 years since I succeeded in anything school related, I feel strangely proud and hopeful. I attribute this partly to the intense hyperfixation for BG3. I can come back to this fandom and get comfort when I feel burned out and in need of motivation. Thank you for being part of it and sharing your blorbos with us. Good soup for our cold starving souls. So yeah, you and your art matter even if you find it bleh sometimes and you doubt yourself.
I wanted to be brief but I'm incapable of shortening shit even if my life depended on it. Violently dumping my brain in your ask like I'm late on garbage collecting day. Sorry not sorry for the awkward emotional stuff. Take care of yourself, bestie ✌️
🫀🚑
Sry for answering these “backwards”, I just needed to get the conlang stuff out first before all my good braincells shut down lol
hope the holidays are going well on your end as well :]
To pet a werewolf truly is the dream isn’t it, wereshart is prob my fav hc for her it just fits so well. I've been trying really hard lately to figure out how to draw her recently bc despite the art disparity her and lae’zel are neck in neck at being my fav characters. Seeing the growth in the bass drawing really gave me that boost of confidence that I'm at least slightly getting there lol
I truly do love Lae’zel in every form, but wet rat’zel rotates in my mind more than it should, sadly its not a hc I could ever commit to considering I can’t even remember Karlach’s canon tail lmaoo I really should just hc that karlach got her tail docked at this point, that or I need to make a checklist for her so I can go through and make sure ive got all her bits when I draw her
Also Ive already posted my big rambling mess about Gith accents but yeah harsh accent lae'zel best lae'zel, it just makes sense
But yoooo big gratz on the exams! Def something to be proud of!! I can agree this fandom really is a huge motivator, I haven’t had this much drive to do anything I've been doing recently in years. Glad I could help provide a lil comfort spot full of blorbo soup for the soul lol
Dw about shortening shit as you’ve prob seen i’m prone to rambling and also every emotion I experience is awkward so that's just par for the course here.
Hope life treats you well till the next ask, peace ✌️
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WIP ask game
Thank you for tagging me @trishacollins! (Kindly ignore how late I am). I don't actually name my files, I write them in this Word document I named 'Document' and then cart them to Google Docs with their working title when I'm done. So I'm going to be taking some creative liberties of what I would name them if I wasn't a coward.
Rules: In a new post, list the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.
Miraculous
How things went from okay, to bad, to horrible, to eeehhh, to okay again- A Kwami Therapy Session (A Ripple of A Butterfly's Wings)
Trisha's Gift Fic
Marinette is the one Adrien needs. Here's how Plagg feels about that.
Sonic the Hedgehog
This Robot Cannot Be Kept a Secret Feat. Amy Rose and her hammer (Glitching Away and Holding Tight)
The Owl House
I am so sorry for you existing.
Don't talk to me until you're done.
Conversations + more Convos (and to keep loving anyway, no oath or binds)
Other (stuff I have very little of + haven't really started + that one file)
SI Hell (Self Indulgent Hell, where I put stuff from fandoms I am not actively in. Something got published from this under Anon. I will not tell you what.)
Puss in Boots 2 (Perrito family and sick fic)
Anime Sinnoh Pokemon Therapy
No pressure to anyone but-
@no-white-dress, @not-someone-who-matters, @generic-sonic-fan, @bbb35, @possibly-a-table-or-just-gay, and @trishacollins (sorry bud lol).
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ARC - V Month Day 8 - The Regular- ah, Standard Show
Late post again! Sry, @arcvmonth!
A/N: Man im not sure how this turned out exactly, but I'm quite fine with it.
I wrote this before the day but didn't finish it lol. I did now and this is more just a Yuya/Yuzu kidfic (where they're kids. Thats what kidfic stands for right?) rlly with some random things here and there... But yeah.
(For the song mentioned, the beat & tune is from the one made by Sleeping at Last btw! Just look up [the song title] by Sleeping at Last. If u want a diff tempo tho its ok)
Oh, word count is just 2k in average. And Yuya & Yuzu r 'round 11 here.
Pairings: Yuya/Yuzu
Warnings: None. Just some mentions of getting bullied if that counts
—
Yuya sat at the part of Maiami that overlooks its huge stadium—the place he always goes when he’s sad or wants to go away to a place away from people.
What happened this time is something more mature people would consider ridiculous… for the first part, anyway.
Today, he saw a group of kids climbing a tree together with Yuzu and Gongenzaka as they went home from school.
Little Yuya wanted to try climbing the tree himself, ignoring Yuzu and Gongenzaka’s protests and warnings because he wanted to try what the other kids were doing.
This… did not end well.
The other kids wanted the tree for themselves and as a result, they dueled for it, and Yuya lost greatly.
What was worse, they made fun of his dad, reminding him of how he was a coward because he didn’t show up to his duel against Strong Ishijima.
Now, Yuya didn’t like that they said that and got into a physical fight with them. Gong helped out, and so did Yuzu, but at some point he couldn’t handle it—the painful reminder of his dad, not the fight—anymore and just… ran.
The kids called him a coward too for doing so. It hurt, though they were right… The truth always hurts, as people’d say.
So what was supposed to be just him wanting to climb a tree had turned into a remembrance about his dad.
It’s always his dad, huh…
‘They didn’t need to remind me that…’ Yuya thought, looking at the sunset through his goggles, which was filled with quite a lot of tears.
“Yuya!” Yuzu’s voice echoed from behind him.
He quickly took his goggles off, dropped the water from them, and wiped his eyes.
“Yuya…” He heard the relief clear in Yuzu’s voice. Turning around, he saw Yuzu happily running up to him, her little pink dress a bit dirtied from all the pushing earlier.
Yuya gave her a smile—although it was fake—to hopefully give her some more relief. “Hi…”
“You just ran off!” she scolded through panting breaths as she stopped beside him. “I’m sorry for saying this, but that was very chicken of you!”
Yuya frowned. “I know…” he muttered lowly. “I didn’t mean to…”
He felt his heart starting to throb again. His eyes also swelled as if tears were to come out any minute. He clenched his fists.
“You shouldn’t have started that fight,” Yuzu went on more gently, sitting behind him. “They were trying to make you angrier on purpose, you know that.”
“They called my dad a coward…” Yuya’s breathing became quick again, but he tried to stop it—tried to tell himself not to cry, to keep that feeling of sadness from oozing out of him. “I wished I had been better—better at dueling, better at fighting…!”
But no one can keep such a feeling to themselves forever. And when your body and mind feels like it really needs to, that feeling will come anyway despite one’s efforts to hold it in.
He put on his goggles again and pulled his knees to himself to hug them.
He then buried his face there to hide it from Yuzu as he continued to cry.
That feeling was too much. It had grown too big to just keep it in now, and for some reason, it thought to let itself show now.
It’s so stupid, Yuya thought, rubbing his fingers together and curling his little toes in his little shoes.
He then hugged himself tighter.
“Why’s there people l-like this…? Why can’t they just…” he tried to speak, his breaths and voice shaky. “Disappear, and though I dont want to think bad of other people: be gone?”
“Yuya, those kinds of people will always exist…” Yuzu muttered. ”We can't really do much about them.”
That didn't seem to work, though.
He continued to sob, shaking his head. Great, his snot was starting to go out. He wiped it off with his shirt-jacket.
Yuzu just watched him, not really knowing what to do to calm her best friend down.
She looked out to the sunset as if it’d help in any way.
Of course, the sun isn’t exactly gonna help calm Yuya down, but… it made her remember.
Remember this one, specific, certain little song.
It’s helped her feel better during the times she herself was down, and there won’t be any shame in sharing or trying it with Yuya now, right?
And with a hum of the beginning, she began…
It's a world of laughter, a world of tears…
She closed her eyes.
It's a world of hopes, and a world of fears
She heard Yuya stop sobbing for a bit. Probably wondering why she just started to sing.
There's so much that we share,
It's time we're aware,
Pausing for a bit, Yuzu observed the landscape in front of them, how the sun’s light shone beautifully off the glass dome of the stadium.
She then sang the last lyrics of the stanza.
It's a small world after all…
She then got up and put her feet at the bottom bar of the hand rail and her arms atop it.
There is just one moon and one golden sun,
Yuzu looked up at the horizon, trailing her eyes to the setting sun.
And a smile means friendship to everyone…
Before smiling, as this line reminded her of Yuya’s cool smile philosophy.
Though the mountains divide, and the oceans are wide,
She traced the outline of the bridge and stadium with her little index finger,
It's a small world after all~
until she reached the conclusion.
She then just sang from there, not noticing how Yuya had already removed his goggles, now just dangling on his neck, and smiled at her.
It's a small world af~ter all,
It's a small world after all…!
It's a small world after all,
It's a small, small world…
She hummed the instrumental.
As she did, Yuya went and joined her by the rail, also watching what was left of the sun’s summit on the horizon.
This surprised the former, although she liked it.
It's a world of laughter, a world of tears,
A world of hopes, and a world of fears,
She likes how her plan actually… worked on Yuya.
And for some reason, he sang the next few lines with her.
There's so much that we share
It's time we're aware
It's a small world after all
(Yuzu) There is just one moon (Yuya) and one golden sun,
And a smile means friendship to everyone…
Yuya giggled a little while singing this part, and Yuzu couldn’t help but smile as well.
(Both) Though the mountains divide and the oceans are wide,
(Yuzu) It's a small, small world.
(Yuya) It's a small world after all,
(Yuzu) It's a small world after all,
(Yuya) It's a small world after all,
And now they just raced on who’s gonna sing next
It's a small, small world.
They giggled at themselves and went off the railing.
It's a small world after all,
It's a small world after all,
It's a small world after all,
It's a small, small world…
They faced each other and held the other’s hands in their own.
(Yuya) It's a world of laughter, (Yuzu) a world of tears…
She looked down.
A world of hopes, (Yuya) and a world of fears
Yuya gave her another sweet smile. “Let’s sing the last parts together…”
“Sure.”
There's so much that we share,
It's time we're aware,
It's a small world after all~
For a few moments after this, the two just sat there for a while, sitting down there behind the green handrail.
They relished in the salty scent of the sea brought about by the cool breeze that brushed past them, as well as the glow of the sun setting yonder.
It was a nice, peaceful moment. And the realization that it's just the two of them here made the experience even more amazing.
Finally, Yuya felt a bit of… True, solemn tranquility within his heart and mind.
“Yuzu,” he began, listening to some far away squacks by some seagulls, “why'd you sing that song to me?”
“Oh, silly…” she laughed, “it was… To make you feel better, ya know?”
She looked towards him. “I know I yelled at you, but I also know that that alone won't make you feel better. And I didn't know how else to help calm you down, and I thought that the song helped me calm down… So maybe it will calm you, too.”
“Oh…”
To be frank, the song actually did help calm him.
And he was grateful for it, for if it weren't for his precious friend and her soothing song, who knows how long he would've stayed where he was — just dwelling on those awful thoughts and events.
He turned to Yuzu, observing her happy, serene expression as she looked towards the stadium.
“Who knows, Yuya,” she started out of the blue. “Maybe someday, you'll be able to avenge your dad and defeat his annoying opponent.”
“You're right.” He stood up. “You know? I'm gonna do it—one day. Not today yet, but at some point in the future. Soon enough!”
Yuzu giggled and stood next to him as well. “I'll be looking forward to that day, Yuya. But for now, learn to defeat me and Gong first! If you can't, you probably will never survive even just a minute with the guy!”
“Don't worry, Yuzu. I will!” He gave her a determined smile. “I will do my best!”
Later, they met up with Gong again. For some reason, they decided to try and climb a different tree anyway, as Yuya so desired.
To a nearby hill they went as quickly as they could so as to go home before it gets too dark.
And when they got to their preferred tree, Yuya scaled it at once and, when he reached the top, was rewarded with the perfect, small view of Maiami.
Some buildings had their lights turned on already as night was approaching fast, and it was… Really nice to see the nice orange-pink-blue contrast of the sky above them combined with said buildings and other structures.
When they climbed down, he fell at some point, but… He was fine with it (even though it did, in fact, leave him with some bruises and scars).
It was just four feet anyway.
He got scolded by Yoko a lot when he got home, of course, and he took it to himself to listen to her.
And when he was finally in bed, he smiled remembering the stuff that happened that day.
Sure, there was that, but then again, good things can't happen without bad things, and the same vise-versa. How will something be considered good if there is no bad?
And as Yuzu had sung, this world…
It was one of laughter, as well as tears… A world full of hope, but also fear.
And those things do coexist.
But yeah. He got to climb the tree too, that was fun.
He raised his hand to glance at the bandaged scars he got and giggled. They were just a small price to pay for such an amazing view.
And that thing he talked about with Yuzu… How, one day, he'll beat his dad's annoying opponent. And Gong and… her, too, of course.
Maybe even, he hopes, beat his own dad…
He just knows it.
Turning to his headboard, he picked up his pendulum and made it sway. Back and forth it did.
Yep. One day, things will swing his way…
He exhaled happily. One day. There will be a day for all those one day. Not now, but soon.
But for now, what he needed to do was sleep.
And, looking at his glowing stars and duel monsters scattered across his dark ceiling one last time, that's what he decided to do. Of course, he put his pendulum back onto his headboard gently first.
It didn't take long for him to fall into deep slumber.
—
Ending A/N: kinda just wanted to find an excuse for Yuzu to sing 'It's a Small World' to Yuya :P
#arcvmonth#arcvmonth2023#fruitshipping#yuyayuzu#arc v#01's writing#yugioh arc v#this... spawned from a wip i have where serena sings to yuri actually lmao#and then i accidentally listened to its a small world in a random playlist amd got a wave of nostalgia and immediately thought DANG thisd#fit Yuya & Yuzu sm man#it's a small world#its 2 am here dont be like me sleep early. im gonna sleep now
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piqued-curiosity/718080230266470400
I'm so sorry. This is so funny. I agree with the post itself but it's hilarious that she can't see she's doing literally the EXACT same thing about bisexuals. When lesbians call us dick worshipers, compare bi women to TIMs, or talk shit about our rape statistics to make us sound like liars and harpies, her response is the exact thing she's criticizing! She mentions it in passing, in some completely non-confrontational "well I don't 100% agree with everything but let's agree to disagree" way and rushes to praise the author for being soooo insightful and to say we all need to listen to her lol. When people get mad she's sidelining the rape apologia, she triples down on that bisexuals are zeroing in on the wrong thing and anyway she didn't fully agree with it or anything and something something Andrea Dworkin! Why can't anyone get it through their skulls that it's ALSO demeaning and triggering to lecture people they shouldn't "zero in" on people belittling their rape and instead they should use "criticial thinking" to care about "(what is implied to be) more important conversation" about lesbophobia. Clearly she gets it if she sees why a useless disclaimer that then gives all the textual sympathy to the perp is bad!
Not to mention how she reacted to the blackpills harassing bi rape victims, saying they're just angry at bisexual homophobia and they need compassion and anyway what does it harm. Is that not the same shit she's criticizing here?
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omg you're right anon.
The easiest explanation I can see is that these people DO think that biphobia of any severity SHOULD be dismissed for more important things (literally anything is more important), and they DO think in some way that bi rape victims deserve to be demeaned and degraded as punishment for other bi people being homophobic (or at least they have no right to complain if they are).
If it's not that... then, what? I guess maybe they're just so secure in their assumption that bisexuals are always in the wrong and whining about nothing that they become incapable of seeing how spreading rape apologia with only passing criticisms about general misogyny (and absolutely not addressing the homophobia of it; more on this later) and then immediately dismissing it to focus on "the real problem" is actually kind of insane? Like just a complete lack of empathy there? I guess this just loops around to being the first thing to me.
But yeah, it just seems IMPOSSIBLE to get anyone to just stand up to say "no you're just being homophobic and/or misogynistic" and accept that as enough of an answer when someone starts belittling the homophobic abuse of bi people. There's always a million conditionals that get spit out - "oh they're angry because they've been hurt by homophobic bisexuals" - "oh these people are wrong but they need compassion uwu" - "oh well bisexuals are sooo privileged this doesn't affect them who cares". And ultimately the conversation shifts about how much of this shit bisexuals deserve it and to what degree lol.
And yeah you know, it never gets called homophobic, despite the fact there's really not many things more severely homophobic than belittling, silencing, and ridiculing SSA ppl attempting to speak out about homophobic abuse they've suffered. Just a fun quirky thing to do if it's some bihet ig?
I guess part of the problem is that so many people are so much worse and so much more outwardly hateful and wretched, that these cowards dropping "Well I don't agree with aaaall of it but gross language aside she's RIGHT and you bihets need to to get over yourselves and listen to her <3" bullshit honestly think they're nuanced heroes giving neutral and enlightened views - and they get mad if we see through it! They actually get mad if we don't want to be sold rape apologia in a polite package, just because their friends are worse and outwardly wishing hate crimes on us!
There's no point in calling out the hypocrisy though because as we already saw they just spin it to say bisexuals are weaponizing our rape or whatever and we should stop trying to censor their andrea dworkin or whateverrrr.
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August's Monthly Music Post
Actually released in August (or late july lol):
"Memory Lane" De De Mouse & Maeshima Soshi. This is a song that belongs on an infinite lofi study playlist.
"Beautiful (2023 Edit)" AG Cook. ADHD-ass song.
"Do The Dance" SiM. JRock does screamo-y, punky ska? It's all English, for the foreign language cowards. You'll find yourself singing along to the WOOOAHHHS if you give it a chance!
"Sorry (Won't Cut It)" Bibio. Need to relax after that song worked you up? This psychedelic slowburn might just be what you need! This song wants to rock you in its arms, hoping you won't leave it behind. If you want something purely instrumental and more mellow, also try out "Sunbursting."
The song came out in June but the MV came out in August so it counts! "On My Mama" Victoria Monet is actually pretty good follow up to Bibio. They're cousins once removed--slick, slower but still hits hard, and just so enticing. Listen to the rest of her album, I really love "Alright," "Cadillac," & "I'm The One."
"Alien Love Call" Turnstile. The reimagined version! The raw edge of the original is sawed off but it's another transcendent slowburn for this month. Love the horn infusion. The ending of this song reminds me a lot of "Strangers" by Raj Ramaaya, from Wolf's Rain. The songs aren't similar beyond that but just had to shout out a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL song.
"Honor of Love" Wagakkiband. This is a band grown from vocaloid origins but instead of leaning into the synthetic roots, they use a lot of traditional Japanese instruments and vocal techniques and add a rockier edge with guitar and drums.
“Picture” Hyo. Generic dance kpop. You know I’m here for it.
“Don’t Wanna Go Back” Jihyo & Heize. Less generic kpop, not mind blowing though. I do think this mini is the best music from Twice is a while. It’s pretty and I love a duet with two women :3
"Nembutsu" Alpacas. More Jrock but there's so little singing in this song, the language shouldn't be a barrier. God, this song feels like driving through the desert and as you open your mouth to scream, dust and sand and ghosts crawl inside and the scream that comes out is older than any living thing around you. If you listen to only one track off this list, let it be this one. I haven't finished listening to the rest of the album, but it's good so far!
"Fall of the Leaves" Club Casualties. Does anyone remember the like... video game culture rave music from the mid-late 2000s? It's that... meets like... the synth indie music of the M-83's midnight city or like... safe and sound by capital cities. Like it's the UNZ UNZ of the former but aspires to the latter. This song isn't necessarily good but it is... intriguing.
Quick list of releases that I enjoyed but are from artists I mention a lot, so I feel like... you probably know what you're getting if you've followed my earlier posts:
"Metali!!" by Babymetal ft Tom Morello, "Needs" by Tinashe, "Rush (Big Freedia Remix)" Troye Sivan, "Elevator Eyes" Tove Lo, "Gold -Mata Au Hi Made- (Taku's Twice Upon a Time Remix)" Utada Hikaru, "Tik Tak Tok" Silica Gel & So!Yoon!, "Lemonade" BB Girls (uesd to be Brave Girls)
Also, I recognize a lack of English music this month... my bad
#monthly music#im also working my way though alex anwandter's album rn#and it's really good everyone say thank you z keyhologram
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Our Infinity of Stars (pt. 4)
Hey y'all!! Sorry its a bit later than usual, I totally forgot to do the timed posting thing. My bad lol
on an unrelated note:
ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY (gonna be honest, it wasn't the best one yet, but def not the worst...)
Anywho, as always, I appreciate you guys so much, hope y'all like this part, I'm close to done writing the story, just need to get it chunked out for posting.
Enjoy lovelies!!
After a long day, everyone gathered on a rock on the far end of the beach furthest down from the village, a place all the older kids liked to hang out. Tuk had wanted to go home, exhausted from the play and swimming of the day. The rest of us, The older Sully kids, my siblings and I, the metkayina kids, all started trading stories of our lives.
“Okay, I am dying to ask.” I had turned to where Neteyam sat across the fire from me. “How in the hell did you become Toruk Makto? The full story, not the half-assed version from the other day.”
A proud grin slid across his features as he launched into the story, sitting down next to me.
“I was in the midst of battle. The clan next to ours had been relentless and were closing in. My ikran, Seze, may the great mother reunite our souls, had been shot down. As I fell, a great shadow, the last shadow, dove after me. He extended a kuru towards me and safely got us to the rockface. I was, of course, terrified. I was injured, couldn’t walk, and he knew that. As I tried to hide away in a small cave I knew he couldn’t follow me into, he stepped in my path and hissed before extending the kuru again.
When we flew back into that battle, the last big battle, it rallied the spirits of the warriors. We somehow drove away those cowards. They haven’t been too much trouble since.
Anywho, it was easier to get more stuff to bring with us when we had Takutai with us, bigger back and stronger wings and all.”
The group stared wide-eyed at him, and I shared a smirk with Adib. “Somebody needs to be more original, one of the best warriors of his generation, Toruk Makto, became so the same way his mother became Palulukan Makto, c’mon ‘Teyam, be more original.”
“Somebody’s jealous.” He chided, wrinkling his nose at me.
Everyone laughed, and a new group of the other teenagers neared, introducing themselves as they sat down.
“Toruk Makto, that’s a huge title.” One of the girls, Leilani, commented to Neteyam, a hand brushing over his arm.
He pushed her touch away politely, “Yes, I just did what my people needed from me.”
I looked back towards the beach where a training party had just returned, their raucous laughter carrying over even the crash of the waves against the rock.
Everyone shifted as they neared, making room for everyone. I cringed as Ralak situated himself in between myself and Neteyam, knowing I was in for a long evening.
“Rani, what was the salve you gave me earlier? It worked wonders.” Adib’s voice drifted across the fire to me.
“It’s dapophet and a mixture of other roots.” I responded, happy for the distraction. “A recipe from back home, but with the numbing properties of some other plants from around here.”
Adib nodded, and Ninat started asking me more about the mixture. I shifted to go and sit next to her, shooting a small smile across to Neteyam and the Sullys as I went.
We talked more about our shared passion in healing, and sometime along Kiri joined in our conversations alongside Tsireya. The other girls formed their own group and the boys wandered off to do their own thing. After yawning for the fifth time in a row, I finally stood. “Sorry guys, I’m getting really tired. Gonna head home.”
The girls all agreed, and as a group we all walked back towards the village, separating once we entered it with soft goodnights and smiles.
“Princess! Wait up!” I turned to see Neteyam jogging up the beach towards me, and I stopped to let him catch up. “I’m surprised you're still out and about. Last I remember you had a strict curfew of two hours past eclipse.”
Laughing I replied, “Yeah, well that was your curfew, and I didn’t want to have to hang around your fan club after you were gone.”
He shoved me lightly. “They were not a fan club. More like stalkers who ruined half my solo-hunts.”
We continued to banter, stopping a bit away from the other mauris so we could continue talking without worrying about waking anybody, sitting down on the beach in a small cove area just around the corner.
“The water is so beautiful at night. I thought the forest had nice lakes and whatnot, but this is breathtaking.” Neteyam breathed, eyes focused on the water swirling around his ankles. He smirked as he looked over to where I had splashed the water to make the algae glow brighter. “Baby legs. You have to sit so much closer to the water to make your ankles reach.”
I feigned insult. “It’s not my fault your legs are like a gazillion feet tall!”
He laughed and splashed me lightly, not saying anything.
“I always preferred the stars.” I stood and moved back from the water’s edge, to where no trees would obscure my vision. “You can always find the same ones no matter where you are.” Neteyam laid down on the sand next to my feet, patting the spot next to him silently.
I sat down, immediately shivering at the cool breeze that had stirred up from across the waves, and Neteyam pulled me into his side, an arm around me to keep me there and awakening butterflies in my stomach. “How the hell do you always run so warm?” I asked, calming my voice and wrapping an arm around his middle to stay in his warm embrace.
He rubbed a large hand up and down my side, trying to create friction. “Not my fault you always run so cold.” he mumbled into my hair. I played with the beads of his songcord, rubbing my thumb on the reef shell he’d strung on to the end.
He shifted a little under me, and I glanced up. “My arm’s going a little numb.” He explained.
I shifted onto his chest, “Better for me, I get to be warmer.” I muttered against the necklace he always wore. A chuckle sounded through his chest, and I smiled at the sound, ignoring the tingling in my gut. We stared up at the stars, and I let my eyes slide shut as I listened to the rumble of his voice through his chest as he told me his father’s stories of life beyond the stars.
~ᐧ~
“What the hell is going on here?” I awoke to see Ralak standing over me, hands on his hips as he scowled at Neteyam.
I blinked the spots from my vision as I gathered my surroundings. “Shit, we fell asleep.” I groaned to Neteyam. He hummed in response, offering a hand to pull me up.
I saw as Ralak straightened up as if he was about to start something, so I made up some excuse of Tsahik Ronal needing Neteyam and I today.
We did end up at the tent, but there was no help the Tsahik needed, so we decided to go search out the other Sullys, who were sure to be with my brother. “I’m not going to go looking for Rina or Ateyo, I’m sure they’ll show up soon.”
“Maybe they’re all at the beach, they mentioned really liking that one spot with the shade one time.”
I nodded, and we set off in that direction.
“Aw, look at his little baby tail!” I saw the Metkayina boys circling around Lo’ak and Adib, who were pushing their way out of their grip.
“Leave us alone!” I saw Kiri standing off to the side, and without a second thought, both Neteyam and I ran towards the group.
Neteyam strode over to Aonung, shoving him off of Lo’ak as I put myself in front of Kiri, both of us knowing Adib can very well hold his own, but also that Lo’ak was young and angry, and Kiri was more of a pacifist.
“Leave them alone.” Neteyam growled out. He pushed a finger into Aonung’s chest, “back off.” He warned.
Aonung stepped back, hands raised in surrender.
“Good choice. And from now on, I’m gonna need you to respect my sister.” Neteyam looked at the group, making sure each heard his words.
The Metkayina boys had backed away, and I turned to see Kiri sticking her tongue out at them. I smirked, inclinding my head to signal them to leave. Neteyam pushed Lo’aks head as he turned, and I stood next to him, waiting for Lo’ak to start walking. I glanced back at Neteyam, who again tried to get Lo’ak to leave.
Lo’ak got into Aonung’s face, balling up a fist. I glanced up at the sky before making eye contact with Adib. “Hey, ‘Dib, I think Kiri wanted to ask you something.”
He nodded and walked away from the group, knowing it’d be too messy for him to get more involved. By the time he reached her, Lo’ak had already knocked Aonung to the ground, and Aonung was launching himself at Lo’ak’s legs.
They scuffled, and then one of Aonung’s goons slapped Lo’ak in the face with his tail.
Neteyam scratched his head, and joined in the fight. “You’re stupid!” Kiri shouted from next to Adib. Lo’ak was screeching about his tail, and was dragging a whining Aonung by the ear as he was pulled back. I giggled as I watched the fight, and after a few minutes saw that the Sully’s were outnumbered.
“That’s enough now!” I tried to stop them, but of course I was ignored. With an exaggerated salute to Adib and Kiri, I stepped into the fray and tried again to get their attention. Aonung tried shoving me out of his way, and within a second he was on his back holding his nose and curled in a ball. The fighting ceased, and I brushed off the sand from my leg as I straightened up. “Are you done?” I raised a brow at all the boys, then cringed as I heard Jake’s voice boom from behind me. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”
~ᐧ~
“What was the one thing I asked? The one thing!” Jake had diffused the situation and was now shouting at the three of us, the boys sporting some cuts, bruises, and scrapes while I had only bruised knuckles.
We all hung our heads and answered, “Stay out of trouble.”
Neteyam stepped up, myself right on his heels. “It was my fault.”
Jake narrowed his eyes, ears twitching backwards. “I don’t think so. You gotta stop takin’ the heat for this knucklehead.”
Lo’ak stepped forward, “Look Dad, Aonung was Picking on Kiri. Called her a freak.”
Jake sighed, then sent us off to go make peace. He grabbed Neteyam and I before we could walk out. “So what’d the other guys look like?”
“Worse.”
“That’s good.”
Neteyam grinned, glancing over at me. “Alot worse.”
Jake sent us off, clearly looking to find Kiri to make sure she was okay. “C’mon “Teyam. Let’s fix you up.” The two of us ducked into my tent, and I grabbed a bowl of clean water and a towel to wipe up his scratches. “Sit on the counter, it’ll be easier for everybody.”
Neteyam compiled, and I settled myself between his legs as I started to carefully wipe at his wounds, crouching down to get a nasty one on his calf. I worked my way up, changing towels as I moved from his legs to his arms, and then again to his torso.
“Did it hurt to get these?” Neteyam asked as he traced the tattoo that ran from the side of my ribcage dowm my thigh, resembling the markings on Syura. His eyes were glued to my skin as he felt the slight raised texture of the marking.
I smiled, “At first, yes. But I had already gotten a few,” I shifted to show him the art on the inside of my bicep, “It’s an ikran made in the traditional Metkayina style.” I explained and his fingers traced the lines of it too.
One arm wrapped around to trace my spine, “And this one?” He whispered as he finally looked up at me.
I wrinkled my nose, “That one wasn’t very fun. I made it really simple on purpose.”
The hand that was still resting on my hip twirled me around, and he traced the linework of the simple pattern that ran down my back. “Your songcord?” Neteyam asked, resting his chin on my shoulder.
I nodded, and he leaned back to once again feel the swirls underneath his touch. “Your birth stuck between two clans, your siblings…” He trailed off, and I looked over my shoulder to a furrow on his brow. “Is this one Syura?”
“Mhm. Syura means energy, so energy symbols kinda in a very abstract shape of wings.”
His finger trailed to the next shape, “being old enough for curfew to be pushed back but still sneaking out for stargazing?”
“It was a fun experience!”
He huffed out a laugh, “Whatever you say, princess. Getting ranked as a top warrior, becoming part of my family, completing your tsakarem training, and this one?”
His hands had stopped on my lower back, near a large diamond shape. “That’s for when Ateyo officially stole my sister away. The next one too. Evil twins, ugh. Gotta hate ‘em.”
Neteyam grinned, “yeah, I can’t believe he won that bet.”
“What bet?”
Neteyam gaped for a moment, before sighing. “We kinda made a bet when we were like 12 over which one of us will get a mate first. I had to do any punishments Ateyo got for two months after he won.”
“And what if you’d won?” I asked, twisting around to face him.
“He’d have had to teach the soon-to-be warriors for two months. The ones who had decided that they already were ready to go off on their hunts and everything.”
I laughed, leaning into his chest as his arms once again hooked around to rest on the last marking on the chain. “And this one?”
“That’s for when we joined the Metkayina clan.” I pulled back to reach around him and grab a new cloth. “Close your eyes.” I softly instructed.
He complied, resting his hands on my hips again as I dabbed cool water on the black eye already forming. He hissed as I got to a particularly sensitive part, tapping twice on my hip in our silent signal of ‘it’s alright’ at my quick apology.
“Okay, you can open.” I stepped back to grab another, gentler salve for the cuts on his face. I applied the salve and lightly blew on it to help with the sting when I saw his face twitch in pain. “Must you always put others first? You protect your family, sure. Take the blame for Lo’ak every time, fine. But you don’t have to silence your pain just for me. I swear, I don’t feel bad in the slightest about making your wounds sting.”
Neteyam’s lips pulled into a wide grin, and this time he didn’t try to hide his wince as it pulled on the cut situated there. “And why’s that, Paskalin?”
I grabbed his chin and started wiping at the wound. “Paskalin? You haven’t called me that in ages.”
“Well, you’re sweet, and you like berries, so ‘sweet berry’ is a fitting pet name. You never answered my question though.”
I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the salve. “Like I said, you like putting yourself in danger too much, and you put everyone and everything above your own needs. This is my little revenge.”
The side of his mouth I wasn’t working on quirked. “So basically your ‘v’ is for vendetta?”
I lightly slapped his bicep, laughing at his pouting expression. “Pretty much, yeah you could say that. But seriously though,” I grabbed his face to make sure he was hearing me. “Stop putting others above yourself.”
He raised a hand from my hip, holding up his last finger. “Pinky promise.”
“You do know those are practically legally binding, right?” I said, hooking my own ‘pinky’ with his.
“I know. And I also know you’ve gotta-” he pecked my cheek “seal it with a kiss.”
I scrunch my nose before lightly placing a kiss on his nose. “Happy?”
“It’ll do.” He hopped off the counter. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have business to attend to.”
He strode to the entrance as I asked “What kind of business, exactly?”
He turned in the doorway as I gathered the towels from cleaning him up. “The kind where I ‘apologize’ and vaguely threaten that skawng for calling my sister a freak.”
I threw one of the towels at his head, which he deftly ducked and caught. “Nice try, paskalin!” He shouted as he walked away tossing the towel in his own mauri as he went.
“So you’re just fucking him now, huh?”
I turned to see Ralak’s tall frame standing right behind the side of my mauri, a disgusted look across his face.
“Were you eavesdropping the entire time?” I was shocked and backed away out of the entrance to my mauri
“Long enough to hear you kiss him. We ended things two months ago. They’ve been here a week at best. What-”
I had stopped listening, “I thought I told you to stay away from me.” I turned and started walking away, but his hand grabbed my wrist and stopped me, his face had morphed into one of pain.
“Please, ‘Rani. I asked you to be my mate, I proposed to you. Please don’t leave me like this. I can’t lose you.”
“You did the moment you went and slept with someone else the second we disagreed about something. I’m sorry you can’t live with your own actions, but that’s for you to figure out. Without me. Say hi to Leilani for me.” With this, I quickly walked the other direction from Ralak, not bothering to turn, the Tsahik always needs some kind of help. She’ll be able to stop Ralak as well, should he follow me.
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Do you prefer SasuNaruSasu in the manga or anime?
I know you're asking about SNS specifically, but..
Nothing beats the added experience for me of having the Japanese VA's pouring emotion through our characters like only they can seem to do.
Not saying other people can't, but their standards seem to be on a whole other level and I can't be more grateful or in awe *-* I have so much respect for their work.
And then Naruto OST's.. do I need to say anything? I mean I can, but I wouldn't stop.
I know, Naruto is popular and has been for so long, but sometimes not for the right reasons. The animation team doesn't nearly get enough credit for the insane amount of research that went into weaponry and fighting techniques. They've done so incredibly well even now in 'Boruto'. So much so, that other anime have been copying sequences as tributes.. and most people don't even know ;__;
Naruto has so many 'Easter Eggs' and nudges toward martial arts legends or even their own tributes as far as I'm aware.. I mean.. just take a moment to really look at the fights.
Look how Naruto keeps his arms close to his body.. I think experts had been talking about it and said how their forms in the animations are absolutely perfect. Like.. I'm just so.. *-* ugh it's so beautiful. I can look at it forever 😭 Not to mention all the incredible Jutsu effects and all the sounds that come with them.
And well, having this animated..
Or some extra stuff..
Can't complain.
.. however, obviously with something as huge as this, teamwork is involved and decisions are to be made. Including what to show from the manga. I don't agree with a lot of posts here on Tumblr saying "how evil the company/industry" is.
Official accounts have supported the 'SNS'-idea plenty before, it's the loud (insecure perhaps) dude-bro and pro-het-shipper minds that threatened 'Naruto's' popularity that eventually made them back down to satisfy "everyone" in the most cryptic way possible.
No, of course I'm not saying they supported SNS as in "Naruto and Sasuke were going to be together", I'm saying they never minded SNS events, fan-works or even publicly liking anything that indicated the idea.
Are they fucking cowards? Yes.
Evil? Nah.
Which brings me to your question (lol, sorry), of course Kishimoto and he alone is able to portray their relationship in the most accurate way possible, but I do enjoy the animations when it comes to SNS alone. I wish some choices weren't made and I think most fillers were extremely unnecessary, but hey. It's entertainment.. it's what they do.
So purely SNS? Manga. But generally I enjoy anime over manga, including 'Naruto' (without fillers and bs).
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Camp nano day 9
I always keep writing like, until 10-15 minutes before midnight and go "OH CRAP I HAVE TO UPDATE ON NANO OR IT'LL BE COUNTED AS TOMORROW!" lol
so anyways, a little lower but still 7k today! I'm at the point of the story where shit is easy to write (lots to do lots to see)
I'm not even sure what scene to do for this one, but since I've been pretty consistently posting lesbicious longing I decided that this will just be my theme. That or lesbicious suffering!
“Hina, are you alright?”
“Hm, what do you mean?” Hina questioned as she tilted her head.
“You’ve just been kinda… quiet since we left the ramen place.”
“Oh, that?” Hina waved her free hand at Ayumu dismissively. “It’s nothing, I’m just a bit tired.”
It was something. She wanted to ask about her birthday. Was she really going to be so much of a coward that she’d delegate that to asking over texts? It’d be so much better if she asked in person.
“If… if you say so. If there is anything, don’t feel afraid to speak up.” Ayumu reassured her, reaching her free arm over to pat Hina’s head on top of the cap; it was a bit awkward with the way they were walking, but she appreciated the gesture nonetheless, cozying up to Ayumu the whole way.
“Don’t worry, it’s… really nothing. I’m… really happy we did this. Even if it was a bit silly.” Hina couldn’t help but smile timidly as she looked down at their feet, down their bodies, still pretty amused at what she saw.
“It was pretty dumb. But hey, I actually kinda like this outfit. I’m keeping it.” Hina was incredibly happy to hear it. “What about you?”
“I’ll keep it. Though I still do think I look like a kid trying to be cool and failing.” Hina couldn’t help but laugh at herself as she looked down her body; it just felt a little surreal.
“Trust me, you don’t look like that at all.” Ayumu looked towards the night sky, refusing to face her. “In fact, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you wore stuff like this all the time. You look like a model.”
Hina blushed, unable to form a good reply to something like that, instead moving her hand down Ayumu’s arm to hold onto her hand, locking their fingers together. There was no hesitation and neither of them made any move to stop it. Touching each other had become entirely too natural.
Surely, they just looked like friends to most others, especially right now; no one would see two girls holding hands and find anything strange by it. That’s what she told herself, at least. That this was still just “friendship”. She sighed to herself ever softly, but Ayumu seemed to notice, holding her hand a little tighter.
“Are you… really sure you’re ok?”
“Yes… I’m fine. Sorry. I think I just need to get back and sleep.”
They had been stalling this entire time, but finally they arrived at the station. Well, perhaps it wasn’t “finally” in her mind, but “already”. How splendid it wouldn’t be for them to just spend an eternity, just the two of them, with nothing else in the way. If such a world existed, perhaps right now, they would call each other more than friends.
And yet, the world was not so simple, for they had expectations put onto them. There were restrictions that they followed. If they had not been idols, would it have been different?
The train was surprisingly empty, and it was mostly just the two of them; Hina was mostly left alone with her thoughts as they sat down in the seats, leaning on each other. All that kept her company in her reverie was the rustling sound of the train on the rails, and the warmth of Ayumu’s shoulder against hers.
She watched the night sky through the windows across the aisle, as the scenery passed them by. Ayumu’s hand never left hers, even as they got up to leave the train, only briefly parting to walk out through the ticket gates on the other end.
They walked until they came upon that familiar intersection. Hina stood still for a moment, shuffling on her feet, not wanting to let go of Ayumu’s hand.
“It’s late.” Ayumu finally spoke up, as if drawing attention to the fact that they were just standing there without letting go of each other.
“Mhmm.” Hina hummed in response, turning her gaze down to look at their hands. “We… should really go home…”
“… Yeah.” Ayumu finally let go, albeit very slowly. Hina felt a little lonely, even though she knew that they had to.
The urge to ask to go to her house was huge; if she did, what would happen? Instead, she watched as Ayumu turned around; her silhouette looked beautiful in the moonlight, the new outfit enhancing her slender frame.
“Goodnight, Ayumu.”
“Goodnight. I’ll see you… at practice.”
Hina watched her go, until she turned the corner; that was when Hina finally pulled the jacket around her body, feeling the cold seeping in as she made her way back home. If only she had even the smallest little smidgen of courage in her body, she would’ve probably had the ability to move forward with this relationship. Instead of that, however, she walked this path home. Alone.
Oh, the miseryyyyy
I think tumblr found the excerpt too long so I had to split the indentation pls don't look at it too hard
#my ocs#original character#oc#sapphics#sapphic#camp nano july 2023#lesbian#camp nanowrimo#this is getting painful#50k words baybee#my writing#the urge to make them kiss is HUGE#lgbtq+
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So, feel free to just delete this, obviously this is your blog lol I just feel like I need to spill it to a 3rd party, I hope that's ok- it's really long though so 100% there is no expectation to read or post it LMAO
So, I got into a big argument with my (now ex) gf where I basically said she and her friends, who said they were my friends too, were pretty much leaving me out of group chat convos and talking behind my back (I know this because they brought stuff up that I'd only told her.) And like- I understand I'm not going to be involved in literally every conversation she has! Some things are just between her and her friends, that's fine, I have friends I talk to without her too! But the fact that *nothing* I told her stayed between us made me really insecure and paranoid, so I stopped telling her important stuff, and then she got upset that I wasn't talking to her as much or giving her as much time. When I told her why, she got more upset and kind of dodged the accusation, saying that if I respected her more and gave her more of my time then we would be better off and I would be a better girlfriend.
I left the group chat pretty suddenly because I was overwhelmed and just didn't feel like I could do it anymore; they all expected me to be online 24/7 even when I told them I couldn't be, and because of this, there were a lot of times where my ex would send a picture of herself, get lots of support from the friends, and then they'd turn this silent spotlight onto me to see what I had to say about the selfie. Then, when I didn't respond bc I was busy, they would all get passive aggressive, and my ex would (I hate to use this word but I cant think of another one) mope about it until I apologized or did something to make up for it.
Recently we all made up, i apologized for whag i said because some of it was mean, and I was invited back to thr original GC, but it turns out they had all been talking bad about me behind my back, saying I was a coward for leaving, i was jealous of her talking to other people, and that I needed to support her no matter what, even if it was something I didn't agree with (we'd gotten into minor spat about abortion rights; im pro-choice, shes not, and it made me upset to find out). I dont really know how to feel. On one hand, yeah- they were supporting their friend who had a (fairly messy? Idk, that was my first relationship) breakup and sometimes a little smack talk is warranted, I won't pretend I was perfect. But on the other... they brought up a lot of stuff I did before we broke up that I didn't realize was a problem. How I don't like group calls because of my anxiety and that made me even more of a coward, how I didn't like sending pictures of myself and that was apparently me faking being insecure for attention, how I wouldn't answer things in the GC immediately even though they knew I had work and at the time was my nephew's most reliable babysitter.
My fight or flight activates pretty much every time I even open the app, but I don't want to just up and leave again because then they'd get mad all over. They haven't said anything to my face, so maybe I'm just projecting my insecurities or something, and I knew things wouldn't be the same as they were before, but I feel like my being back in the group has caused some serious tension. 2 of them clearly don't like me but won't say anything about it. 1 of them claims he's always blunt and will call me out if I go too far or smth, but he never has, and he was a big part of talking about me.
I don't know. They make me want to just ghost them and find new friends but 1. I would feel terrible if someone ghosted me and 2. I don't really have many opportunities to meet new people at the moment. I have 1 friend who isn't part of it but he lives an 18 hour drive away.
I know your relationship dynamic changed recently (in a good way, right?) so I really hope this wasn't like, uncomfortable to read or anything. Sorry for the mega rant
These people sound emotionally immature to the point of being toxic. I don't think you'll regret leaving this chat and moving on
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