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nikkywrites · 2 years

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HI i am here to demand (ahem) ASK about the world of crimson daybreak!!

Hi Marine! The world of Crimson Daybreak was formed just to fulfill the prompt(s) and get the piece done, but for you I will delve into it a bit (lot?) more <3

First of all, I did admittedly fit in more worldbuilding into that than I thought I would. It’s one of my finer worldbuilding moments. For real, though, let’s just talks about the dragons because. well, that’s what bore the sacrifices that’s central to Crimson Daybreak.

(Note from future me: this turned into a retelling/overview/dive into the original ceremony that became the Crimson Daybreak sacrifice).

Read more because long ramble/explanation. To no surprise.

So there were dragons and they weren’t just big beasts, they were godlike beings. Like. Massive as all heck, formed the world and all things in it sort of godlike beings. They were older than known history and as the human race was starting to take off… the dragons were dying out. By that point, the Creation that formed them (this world’s chaos/stardust that forms literally everything) was running out. It was in the world, in the things that they had made. So there’s one dragon left. The youngest of them, the one that’s contributed least to the world it’s breathren made and the one that will be it’s tomb. The only known to humans and it’s so obvious that it’s ancient — curled atop the highest mountain peak, cracked and covered in ivy like an old ruin, hardly breathing, hardly alive. It’s there and for a while (years, decades, centuries), it’s worshipped. Is a temple and a god both.

The humans know little of the dragons, but they form prayers and ceremonies and a religion. The dragon is practically comatose — it’s eyes never open, it’s breaths are few and shallow and long between. It’s hardly conscious. But the humans can tell that it’s divine (it’s a knowing in the air). So they worship it. Send their priests (maybe a dozen or so) into the almost-cage of one of it’s claws, where the sun barely shines between the bars of its talons, to say once-a-moon chants, for good harvests or good weather or good fortune.

But every five-ish years (perhaps it’s a time made significant because that’s when the dragon blinks, for a few decades, until it’s eyes never open again. It’s a significant measure of time, akin-sorta to a decade for us due to something like that), the collection of priests choose one to stand before the dragon, not a foot from its face, to act upon a ceremony (on the day of dragon’s blink). It’s a dual purpose — to see the fate of the next five years (received from the wind, and, if the next years are to be especially favorable — from the dragon’s breath) and wish well upon the dragon, laying some sacrifice or significance before it (the object the chosen person holds dearest, perhaps). There’s a constant wind atop the mountain, drawn to and formed from the last spark of Creation there is that’s still semi-tangible (that’s keeping the dragon alive, that’s feeding the heart of the people’s religion).

Because of the dragon’s decline, breaths are becoming fewer and weaker and longer between. Details are kept tight, between the priests and the chosen person and other such high ranked people but some of it, inevitably, leaks.

And one year, the one chosen (they are chosen as children at 10 (and there’s requirements to even be considered but I’m trying not to get too off-rail), because of… something dragon related. A trinket — a chipped bit of scale or talon or tooth, from the dragon they know or a salvaged bit from one they don’t. There’s a reaction that makes them chosen and perhaps it’s a series of trials — a series of hoops that must be leapt through just right). Anyways, the one chosen one year is closely related to a priest. A daughter, or a niece, or something such. There’s a personal tie, where there’s been no recorded one before (not the records are that in depth, or plentiful). So there’s… a smidgen of doubt, that this child was truly chosen, among the other priests (did the priest spill secrets to the child? Taint the results?) but they continue because once a child is chosen, it’s done. The child is chosen the same day as the ceremony, so as one is fulfilling their part, another is being chosen to replace it. And they are trained/prepared for the next five years, until they are the one standing before the dragon and so the cycle goes, on and on. (And, to clarify: the last girl is not wrongly chosen, just believed to be so).

So a child, tied to a priest somehow is chosen. They — she, because it is a girl and this year and this ceremony and this day is ancestor to the one in Crimson Daybreak. This child, this teenager, for she is fifteen when it is her turn is pessimistic or realistic or just smart. She thinks that all of this: the ceremony, the religion, the dragon; is ridiculous. They see the pattern of the dwindling breaths, have a lack of faith where most/all others have trust. She knows the dragon will not breathe. Suspects that the things it is making her people do is unnecessary — she is not a believer, though she’s kept the fact hidden (she wouldn’t be chosen if it was known).

So she has a grudge, a bitterness, a rage to her. Perhaps on the last ceremony, there was little wind and no breath (like there’s been the last too-many times, tales of it’s breath too old to be really believed to be truth) and the day following it, a friend or family member was lost. And in her childishness, her naïveté, she places blame on the dragon. On the ceremony’s failure. On the religion entirely. The priests are saying that they are ones failing the dragon — there needs to be more worship, stronger worship — but the girl doesn’t believe the fault lies with them. Believes that the dragon is the one failing.

So she is angry and hidden in the large flowing robe, there is a sharpness — a dagger or a spearhead or a rock. And she expects the little response there is, but upon the stillness — the dying dragon, the lazy wind, the dry sky — in the face of it, her rage boils over. She draws the sharpness and strikes it against the dragon’s face. It is not a large wound, in comparison to the dragon’s size (the mountain is a small perch, considering and all of their priests hardly fit in the sacred room of it’s claw) but it is roughly the length of the girl’s forearm and it is deep enough to shed blood. Blood which has never been seen, for it is sacrilege to touch the dragon without proper reason or permission. It is a startling yellow, so bright it looks glowing.

It is a small wound, but to the dragon, who has hardly been living for centuries, to whom this is a revokation of the dribbles of Creation that has been keeping it hardly alive? It is enough. It is the last straw.

It dies.

The divinity falters, the air of life cut out in one harsh moment. The ceremony is done privately, just before sunrise, the chosen girl having made the climb up over the night before. And there is no grand destruction, no obvious revelation — no wind that picks up howling, no sudden onset of black clouds or rain, no out-of-the-blue thunder or lightning. But it is there, the death. In the air. A feeling brother to the one of breathlessness when the air is forced from your lungs. That breathlessness sweeps over the mountain and though there is no grand show of proof, it is known. The dragon is dead. The ceremony has failed. The girl is claimed a traitor of highest degree — she’s slain their god, their world’s heart.

And this day is what Crimson Daybreak’s celebration and sacrifice comes from. The events of Crimson Daybreak would not be if not for this day, twisted though the memory of it becomes.

The girl is blamed, immediate, for on this day the dragon is the chosen one’s responsibility (perhaps they are a keeper of sorts, until they’re twenty and the next person takes over). And her name is ill-remembered, butchered pronunciation of her name modern (meaning Crimson Daybreak time) translating to a grave insult. It’s one of the few shreds that’s survived the centuries between the times.

That, and what follows the dragon’s death.

The felled blood’s crystallized form, that hums under the right girl’s blood. The startling change of the sun — from always yellow to red.

The people are terrified at the change — believe it to be the end of the world, brought upon by the girl. And so she is hunted (the few priests were stunned to stillness or moved to the dragon and she quickly fled). And at some point she is captured — shortly after, at midday, just before the red sun is sinking. And she is dragged back to the dragon’s head and she is killed, as urged by the witnessed priests, who saw her slay the dragon, as retribution and sacrifice. And the night is a long, terrifying thing. People waiting for death, admitting their committed atrocious trying to salvage themselves (also urged by the priests, attempting to earn favor back from the world they think is dying).

And the sun rises yellow again, the next day.

The priests claim it to be because of their honest confessions. That regrets and sins laid bare is what salvaged the world from ending.

And time slowly warps the old ceremony, that day, into what it is during Crimson Daybreak. The terrified confessions turns into the burned ribbons — yellow after the dragon’s blood, burned in repetition of the sun rising and easing the people’s fear and honesty. The chosen girl turns into the sacrificed girl. The slab of blood that hums is the new choosing trial. The sigil the girl’s blood makes upon it is the one the chosen girl drew, all that time ago (then a call for good fortune, now a death sentence). The lone night before is the chosen girl’s hard climb. The room being so red is mockery of the day of the red sun — playing it out on her alone instead of the whole world and her sacrifice is to please the sun’s color shift into lasting just the one day. And so such.

Backtracking to explain a thing or two that didn’t quite come across in the ramble. The ceremony, roughly, is like so:

At ten, a girl is chosen via prerequisites (birthed close to the day of the ceremony?), trials and the last test done on the day of the ceremony. For the next five years, she is raised by the priests, or some other figures in the religion, in preparation of the ceremony. She is taught the loose magic of sigils, has to craft her own that will shape the five years following her day. And on the night before, she must climb to the dragon’s head via the front arm not attached to the clawed room (? Using the scale gaps as handholds? It’s not too long a climb and she is prepared to be capable of it beforehand. The climb is entirely lost, modernly, just the lone girl the night before is remembered). The priests participating in the ceremony, only a few, not all, take a longer route. When the time is right, the girl lays out a pouch of soft sand and draws the sigil she crafted into it. If it is blown away, there is good fortune, if not, there isn’t and the inbetween. The priests are stationed evenly behind the girl in a semicircle. They are to stand witness and they drop their own fistfuls of sand, to blow in the wind/breath.

The chosen one beforehand did not have to be a girl, just. The last one was and that’s what’s remembered so all modern chosen ones are girls. Because the last is all that’s remembered.

Is that. What you wanted, Marine? I got carried away with the original ceremony and kind of forgot that you just wanted more of the world in general, not necessarily the past but it is still knowledge of the world, so… it counts? I think? If you want specifics, you should ask the specifics. I get off track so easily.

If more of the Crimson Daybreak world is wanted (not necessarily Gianna-related at all, just the literal world)… ask? Kinda think I’ve given it too much worldbuilding to be just one thing but I’ve also (miraculously, surprisingly) escaped the Urge (but that may just be the mental exhaustion of doing this all), so. Maybe not? Let me know if there’s interest.

Leave a comment about this because it really took something out of me. Worldbuilding is not my favorite thing when not done on the fly as I’m writing a piece, so give me kudos for this.

#nikkyanswersasks #ask #asks #marinesocks #wip ask #kinda? not really?#worldbuilding #crimson daybreak world #I made this all up as I went along #and I didn’t reread crimson daybreak (probably should have but. didn’t)#so forgive any inaccuracies across this post or between this and the actual piece of writing

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ruporas · 1 year

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soft (and some bittersweet)

#trigun stampede #trigun #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #i think they both spent majority of their lives in solitude and ofc vash went town to town and made friendships promises and etc along the w #way + he had his home and whatnot in the long years he's been alive but he still just seemed so lonely.#in prior versions of trimax he had friends at home at least and maybe he mightv made some but luida and brad are basically just his #guardians in this adaption. like brad used to be a homie.... vash watched that little dude grow up.... and jessica too.... but he doesn't #have that in this adaption. nor a town like july where he had grown close to the townspeople and shaped that tragedy to be closer to his #heart. and wolfwood spent years fighting under the eom and doing shit under their jurisdiction when we saw him so adamantly try to reject #and fight back against that fate. i dont think he had a second at all to get familiar with townspeople or even care to #so its just these two lonely ass souls and vash immediately seeing the good in ww and points it out #ww who is under orders again to be involved in vash's business but he's also SO touchy about it bc vash is so careless and lack that self #regard and also just is not seeing the world that ww is seeing. but then vash helps him and saves him by sharing a piece of what /he/ sees #and it fucking. rescrambled ww's brain for a sec. HE GAVE HIM HOPE!!! he gave him hope!!!! and in turn ww gave vash hope too and its #all done in like 3-4 eps. there's so much fervent attachment in what they managed to give each other in such a short time #but theyre limited to the contract to the inevitable confrontation with knives - so while theyd want to give into that chance to love this #person who managed to give them smth special they just can't at all #ruporas art

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tenisperfection · 8 days

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7x04 being from Buck's perspective broke my brain because of the way we saw Eddie through Buck's eyes. Then I realized that Suspicion, where Eddie was shot, was from Eddie's perspective, and all of Surviviors was from Buck's perspective and I want to jump into the ocean.

#the implications......#we saw eddie's turmoil when carla brought up the follow your heart line #his agony over charlie's abuse #then the shooting and watching his best friend splattered with his blood #that split second where he realized who buck was to him and has been all along #the way he wanted to reach out and touch buck one last time #(do not think about eddie thinking about chris under any circumstances but if you do imagine eddie feeling relieved that buck will be there #and sorrow that he won't be there with chris and won't get to see him grow up and won't get to see buck #and then we have survivors right #we immediately jump to buck's perspective with him getting eddie into the ambulance and eddie asking if buck was hurt *sobs*#and the whole episode is mostly buck's side #but so is the will scene!!!!#because we obviously went nuts over the implications of it #but consider the tone of the scene--there's devotion yes #but most of the tone is that of disbelief #because buck can't believe eddie did this and eddie didn't tell him and eddie is telling him now #and eddie wants buck to carry on for christopher if eddie is gone #and buck absolutely would #but in his mind he can't fathom a world where he has to exist without eddie #and eddie is the one asking him to #hahahahah fuck you don't find it son you make it all over again #buck made this and buck chose this and buck has to live with it #i can't wait for these men to realize/bring to light all the love between them #911 abc #this unraveling on a saturday afternoon is brought to you by insanity

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hopeswriting · 4 months

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tsuna is the patron saint of the mundane, of the normal and common place, of the average and unimpressive. he's the unshakable believer of that being enough in and of itself, of that being fulfilling and fundamental to achieve happiness. and he's the unyielding protector and defender of the beauty and love and kindness within the ordinary, of the holy and divine and sacred within it, and of them being worth fighting for.

tsuna's the guy who makes the ordinary extraordinary from the sheer way he holds it so very close to his heart like it's the most precious thing in the world, and it's the thing about him i, for one, love him most for

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr text post #sawada tsunayoshi #this is why he's THE painstakingly average teenage boy btw. that's the point #and why amano went the extra mile and made him /below/ average and 'dame'#and made it so he still went on to achieve all he did throughout the manga #and made it so he still ended up loved so wholly and unconditionally by so many people #and made it a point to show that was all thanks to things he /already/ had within him all along long before reborn showed up in his life #and made it a point to show he remained the same in that respect to the very end of the manga #and then of course he /keeps/ remaining the same even as he goes on to become vongola decimo #and i like to think that once he gains full confidence in the choices he makes and the things he feels and the stands he takes etc #and still there's mafiosi calling him weak and naive for being soft and kind and merciful and /loving/ with voices full of disdain #tsuna just goes 'you live like this? you've only ever been living like this?#is this what you really think life is all about? what it can only be about? what it /should/ be about?'#except he says it with actual genuine pity for them lol #anyway. tsuna said there's happiness and love and meaning to be found in the mundane and ordinary #and to be fought for and protected because they deserve to be #and he was RIGHT about it!!! <3

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reindeerswillsavethisworld · 3 days

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Corpse au case fic where the trio decided to try cracking a murder mystery, except instead of angst it's a comedy of errors where they make everything worse.

Like. Danny comes out of a portal dead and translucent and glowing, and there's charred remains of a human body on the floor. So now all three of them are freaking out, and instead of asking for help, or finding an adult, or telling literally ANYONE, they decide to just. Get rid of the body. As one does.

So that's what they do: they break out Tucker's nice shovels (because god forbid Sam's family owned something as pheasant as a shovel, and Danny's too afraid of touching their family's Patented Fenton ShovelsTM for... reasons), they find a nice desolate clearing in the woods, and then they bury Danny's body like one would a very unfortunate hamster who met their demise too soon under very suspicious circumstances. They even stay at the new "grave" in silence for a minute or five in respect and DEFINITELY nothing else, you know. And so, they bury the body, and then they (try to) forget the experience as some horrific nightmare.

And then, a year later, there's an uproar: the Amity Park's police department found the child's remains in the woods! And you see, Amity Park is not THAT big of a town, and the police estimated that the body belonged to a 14-15 year old child, and, look, there's only so many schools in a small town, alright. Obviously, the rumours start very soon in Casper High: about how the kid could've gone to their school, about how they could've died, about whether or not anybody was missing them, about their identity, and some definitely-truthworthy-would-I-lie-to-you-bro-come-on sources insist that the kid was murdered around a year ago, around the time ghosts started showing up. And these rumours obviously reach the ears of Sam, Danny and Tucker.

Now, you would've thought that their first thought would be something like "oh no, they found Danny's body", or "oh no, they know", or even simply "we're sooo fucked". Except. You see, the night they buried the body? It was really cloudy. And dark. And, y'know, it's very easy to get lost in a forest. And they were too high-strung, you see, they completely forgot to leave some sort of a marker or anything. And also like, it was so long ago, you know? A lot have happened, they were sooo busy and the likes, you can't really blame them for forgetting some things.

And here's lies the problem: all three of them just fucking forgot that there was a body left to bury at all.

And then it gets out that the police can't even conduct any sort of DNA test because it became corrupted to the point of being absolutely unrecognisable due to exposure to a large amount of ecto-energy.

It's now looks like a bad set up for a joke: an identifiable body of a child, cause of death unknown; the probable involvement of ghosts or at the very least a very large quantity of ecto-energy; a probable murderer on the loose, which naturally breeds suspicion and speculation; a town full of all kinds of rumours; and a trio of absolute dumbasses, who after hearing that ghosts were involved immediately went to stick their noses where they don't belong.

Rejoice, Amity Park! Sam, Danny and Tucker are now on the case! Except they are all teenagers, and nobody in their right mind will allow teenagers to solve a murder case. Plus, them poking around would be highly suspicious, but Phantom, on the other hand?

(people seeing Phantom helping solve this case and coming to the conclusion that the ghosts were definitely involved was not on their bingo card, but oh well)

They don't go to the cops, obviously: Danny at least in part because he's worried they will call GIW on his ass or try to arrest him, and Sam and Tucker simply because fuck the cops (one because the police is involved in a militaristic, capitalistic corrupted system that breeds injustice and furthers the divide between average people and the wealthy, and the other because cops suck and will probably call GIW on his friend's ass). They also can't go to any other authorities: cops are out of the question, as is the mayor; laboratory personnel will most likely just throw them out; and there're no witnesses or known relatives, so they're stuck.

Therefore they decide that desperate times need desperate measures, and so they enlist all of their ghost allies on a quest, hoping to find the ghost of the kid. Considering the amount of ecto-energy they were subjected to, they MUST have formed a ghost, they only need to find them.

Except. The Ghost Zone is a big place, and they only have so many allies, even if some of them are a queen and a god. So Danny bites the bullet and does the most stupid (debatable) thing he has ever done: he goes to his enemies for help. They're surprisingly understanding and willing to help, even if some of their reasons are a little... strange (Skulker and Johnny entered some sort of competition on who finds the ghost first, Box Ghost starts to seek out coffins (??) and Youngblood is not above to start torturing people to finally have a friend that is not either an adult or a complete stick in the mud). And even then they still can't find the ghost.

In the end Danny goes to Clockwork in a desperate hope that he will be able to glimpse at least a little of what had transpired on the night of the murder, and to Danny's annoyance Clockwork laughs so hard he almost pops a ghost equivalent of a blood vessel.

A few weeks down the line Sam hesitantly brings up Danny's buried corpse ("MY WHAT" "Your corpse which we buried in the woods, Danny, don't you remember?" "Yeah, bro, I think you dissociated the whole time we were digging the hole and carrying your dead body" "WE DID WHAT-"), reasonably saying that, you know, they ALSO technically buried a body in the woods. On that Tucker just shrugs because obviously it was not Danny's body, the place of the burial was way off, he remembers that there was a really big stone to the left of the grave (he doesn't and there wasn't), so they are in the clear. During that exchange Danny's sitting on the floor and having a panic attack, because he really did dissociate the whole time and afterwards legitimately forgot that there was a body to bury at all.

After that conversation all three of them leave with a certainty that Danny's body is still there where they left it, whenever it was. And so the shenanigans continue.

#yes i know that is custom made for some delicious angst and identity shenanigans #but also consider: this scenario would be very funny #three teenagers running around a crime scene trying to solve a murder case #and not realising they ARE said murder case #idk whether or not there would be an identity reveal down the line but if there would be one #i like to imagine vlad just sitting in his office alone afterwards head in hands #wondering WHAT he did to deserve this stupidity that went for MONTHS #like sir you did it to yourself when you decided to make a 14 years old your arch-nemesis #jazz is both horrified ('IT WAS YOUR WHAT') and exasperated ('what do you MEAN you forgot')#she's out there secretly hoping this sort of stupidity is not hereditary (in her case it kinda is lmao)#his parents are simply horrified (tho jack a few months down the line finds the whole ordeal rather funny)#the ghosts all forget about this shitshow rather quickly #except for ember youngblood kitty and johnny. they will NEVER let danny live it down. NEVER.#also danny waking up at 3am in cold sweat and remembering cw laughing his ass off: THIS MF KNEW ALL ALONG-#danny phantom #sam manson #danny fenton #tucker foley

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jacksprostate · 2 months

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f Narrator wanting to murder maim mutilate m marla.. or marla/ male marla and narrator/f narrator worsties/besties. or marla/male marla and tyler… or anything with marla/ male marla..

Marlon called me, interrupted me at work, and he said he had a bruise. He said I needed to come and look at it right away, because he needed to know.

This was him, asking me, pounded flank steak, to look and tell him the nature of his bruise.

Marlon hasn't had health insurance in years, so he tries not to think about it, usually. It's easy, since there's no difference when you have health insurance. It's old hat.

But today, he thought about it.

And he noticed a bruise.

So I'm walking up to the Regent hotel after work, and he's in the lobby in his limp little tank top. He'd call it a wifebeater and imagine himself in place of the wife, I'm sure. I wonder if he isn't cold all the time. Mr. Marlon Singer, such a masochist just so he can show off his skeletal body with all the cigarette burns I have to hear him and Tyler laughing over.

I am Jane's abnormal hemorrhoid development.

He doesn't mention what Tyler and I stole from him, even though I think it was all the cash he had. Even though just three days ago he tried to chase me around the house and beat me with a broom. He made me and Tyler go sleep in the junkyard. Buried under our furs, howling at the moon. Maybe I can't fault him for that.

He couldn't keep it here where the guys he brings back could get at it, he said, and sure. But he should've known better than to tell Tyler about it, because now it's bags upon bags of lye being kept in the driest room in the house.

I work on grinding cracks into my remaining teeth as he grabs his neighbors Agatha and Dianne's Meals on Wheels kits. The delivery lady remarks on what a good young man Marlon must be, helping out these old ladies. Oh, yeah. A real, upstanding, mummified rat of a man. Maybe he helped them into the ditch. He yaps at me the entire walk up to his room, and I don't hear a word as I methodically rip up the skin around Tyler's kiss on my hand with a broken nail. It's been infected since Tuesday, and the ring of puffy red flesh makes the ghost of her lips white like the center of a neon tube. Always buzzing.

We get to his room, he says to me, "One of these boxes is for you, you know."

I think about all the women who bother to use what little time they have to operate charities that keep the poor and destitute alive enough to want to kill themselves. All that time spent cooking mac and cheese en masse and putting little packets of powdered milk next to little cartons of the liquid, like they get at schools and prisons, packets that can only be opened by the nimble fingers of caring relatives these elderly recipients do not have.

Sure.

Tyler told me I need to be eating at least two meals a day, or she'd steal a blender and make me drink raw chicken. So I eat the Meals on Wheels box. Sorry Agatha. I rip open the powdered milk packet, dump it into the carton, hold it closed, and shake it. Twice the calories. A recipe for palliative care.

Marlon's sitting there, quiet, eating Dianne's latest last meal. All the urgency is gone. Sucked dry. He's got pallor like a hospice heart failure. When dogs get treated for heartworms, the worms die, and sometimes, not all of them break apart. Sometimes, there will be thin, dead cords of necrotized nematode strung through their heart waiting for the right beat to fall apart and clot a vital artery. This can take years to happen. Your pet recovers perfectly from treatment until seven years down the line, you give it a doggy cupcake and a pulmonary embolism for its tenth birthday.

Marlon looks like he's had his first melarsomine injection and his owner is thinking about taking him to a dog park instead of bothering with the second. If you let a dog get its heart rate up too high when getting treated for all the parasites you let grow in it, its heart will explode. Or all the worms will clog its lungs. Whichever one it is, it's happening to Marlon here in this room. On this bed.

He says he'd found a bruise, a while back. A nasty little thing, like the crush of a plum under your thumb. Near one of his ankles. And Marlon Singer knew he couldn't afford any novel treatments, and he'd seen too many people rot from the inside out from them already. He did not go to the clinic down the street that gets its windows broken in often enough that there's just big black billowing sails of trashbags over their storefront more often than not. Marlon says he once saw a rat nailed to the door, which is something you'd think would be too neat and poetic for real life. He didn't go to the clinic because he didn't have to. And maybe if he was fucking guys he wanted to he would be a bit more cautious, but the men Marlon Singer gets to fuck are the type to have given him those bruises in the first place. They're the reason there's single mothers visiting that clinic, like half melted wax getting scraped out of the picture. He says he shouldn't feel guilty.

I tell Marlon about where I got the idea for poisoning all the food at the Pressman hotel.

He asks me what I mean by that, and I tell him about my first boss at the company I work for now.

When I first started there, I was selling our cars to companies. Bulk orders for work vehicles. My job was to not fuck up any contracts we already had. Marlon is probably aware, but the type of man involved in that sort of thing, he knows he's got you on a collar and chain. You and him both know he'll be renewing the contract, but you have to do the song and dance for him. Pretend you like how close he gets to you. Pretend you don't want to rip his testicles from his ballsack when he leans in sweaty and tells you how he likes your hair, did you go and do all that just for me?

Because he knows. And you know. But enduring this is what you were hired to do. If you were a man, you would've been hired to create a sense of the old boys club with this guy. But you're not.

There is so much pretense in the world.

Anyway, my first boss, call him Joe — whenever I'd return from those trips and dinners, Joe wouldn't pretend that it wasn't a shit job. He'd commiserate and wish me luck with the next one. He didn't overstep, he wasn't creepy, he kept his distance. The best you could hope for. Thirty days on the job, they asked me how I was doing, and I told them I was doing great. The job was amazing, I felt embraced by the company, my boss was great. One of those things was true to me.

And when Joe got his promotion, for being such a great regional manager, he cornered me in my cubicle and informed me he'd been jerking off into my nicely labeled thin salad lunches each time they showed up in the office fridge. He told me this with the same smile he'd always worn.

Marlon, he's next to me, and he leans closer like we're having a nice little confession. My skin itches.

It was before the 90 day clause kicked in my health coverage, so I had to wait at one of those free clinics like Marlon's, and I was surrounded by a lot of young men, wispy mangled pears. What little flesh was left was soft. When I told the nurse what happened, I watched myself die in her eyes. Dappling up with rashes and bruises until I was all painted and sunken like a bog body.

For the longest time, I wondered if I'd become the oral Mary. How many times I vomited in that office toilet, I don't know. I stopped bringing lunch.

The thing is, I couldn't see it in his face. Joe's, I mean. Not even when he told me. I couldn't see it in anyone. So I stopped eating out. Stopped eating altogether, really.

Marlon, his response was to go to the support groups. His tragedy was that it was a slow death, coming for him. Best to wriggle into the pile of dying bodies, see what it's like. Maybe that could muster enough suicidal impulse.

I tell Marlon, of course, I couldn't go to HR. I was a new hire with no evidence and previous record of liking my boss. I didn't want to tell my mom. I didn't want her to know. Those uncomfortable dinners became absolutely, wretchedly unbearable as I thought about the food I was being forced to share.

When the option came up for a dead end job in the least loved department in the building, I put on the best performance of my life to get the part. Best aspiring Compliance and Liability head and sole department employee, that's me. My new job was to keep secrets. It was, already, old hat.

For months I thought about waking up from a narcoleptic fit at my desk, with Joe leaning over the cubicle wall and asking if I was alright. I watched my stomach like it was nuclear. Every extra second it took until I bled like usual slid me closer to buying myself a shotgun and pumping a slug or two into my brain.

It's an unavoidable fear, I tell Marlon. You can't do anything about it. Once you know, you know. At some point, you have to find the peace in it. Imagine yourself, a balloon popping with meaty chunks flying apart, splattering onlookers and raining viscera.

For a month, six months, I had cancer. Worse than cancer. Every time I eat out, I get it again.

Marlon is looking at me, melting stained glass, drowning in that sort of shared pity you build together with someone who's dying.

I don't want Marlon to feel guilty.

I tell Marlon, that's why I poison the food at the Pressman hotel. Someone's got to do it. Blood in the tomato sauce, spit on the steak. Imagine what you could do to a soup. The men who go to the Pressman hotel, they're the kind that leave Marlon bloody and walking around Paper Street calling for Tyler to come out and burn more holes into him. They're the kind that get promoted from regional manager. They're the kind that lean in close, pull your wrist towards them, and say there's one way they know you could secure the contract renewal. The kind that almost ruin it in a temper tantrum when you don't, resulting in an upper management intervention on the 24th day of your new job. They're the kind that hear that shit and say you should've been more appeasing. More polite.

Don't feel guilty, Marlon.

I hope all of them rot so everyone can see the maggots eating their insides.

Marlon isn't smiling. I am unavoidably bad at distracting him. There's something final in it, when he sighs, and takes off his tank top. He says it's on his back, and I should just tell him.

I look. I see it. Black hole, botfly, necrosis. There's so many things these broken blood vessels could be. Withering, snapping apart like mummified heartworms. I imagine driving the two inch melarsomine needle deep into the muscles bunched upon his spine.

I look.

I press my hands into him, and I grip like I'm trying to rend my fingers through his skin, deep into his body cavity to rip out his guts. Like I'm trying to grab the rope of his small intestine and strangle him with it. Marlon's yelling at me and trying to hit me, arms flapping like a chicken, and I am bruising ten deep circles into the soft pearskin of his abdomen. It's the only place left on him that's mealy, that isn't frayed rope under worn out leather.

I tell him, you've got bruises. They look mostly normal, to me.

Don't worry too much about it.

And Marlon, he leans into me, and I let him.

#asks #fight club #female fight club au #my writing #obv directly in parallel to the book chapter #this has been sort of floating in my head #in the book its probably the most caring moment the narrator has for marla #and i think that is the same here actually #its just female narrator off the charts detestes marlon more in the first place. puts all her sense of sympathy and shared solidarity into #Tyler. but. yeah #anyway made marlon's life absolutely miserable #and the narrators #i actually went back and forth on that #i dont want to... necessarily... give her Solid Reasons in a way male narrator doesnt have #but its sort of inescapable that fucked up misogynistic shit would happen #and i was thinking how to resolves the food contamination question in my head #hard to explain #inherently more horrible shit will happen to her than male narrator #but not excessively and i want it to feed into the same issues. in this case her complete subjugation in the office and inability to freely #reject the horrific shit shes forced to play along with #resulting in her doing the same to the fat cats rolling by #anyway #she does care about marlon #its complicated

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svtskneecaps · 6 months

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ngl i really hope german joins the red team sometime. i have no idea what he's like or what he's up to but 1) i want to 2) carre needs a buddy besides cellbit, because i love that guy and being surrounded by english is probably wild in maybe a bad way 3) idk just want to see what happens. maybe homie can match energy. gas mask squad, team friendship. could this be what drags him back? god only knows, but i want to

#qsmp #to be clear every team can probably be called team friendship this is the qsmp #but they went turbo friendship. friendship is the only reason they're still playing #cellbit fully intended to take like two to five days off this morning and then played a few hours with the team and will probably log again #cellbit and baghera both said it was probably best if the red team only played with each other and never alone #they ended day one making the equivalent of a blood pact but with fire and dying #day two they almost immediately made a cult #wasn't watching his pov but carre def seemed to match energy from my view #absolutely a standout when he unmuted complete star sorry about all the english he did great #tbh the backbone of the team morale along with phil #slime was like 'dude we're screwed' when carre was gone only to immediately change his stance when carre came back #(it wasn't exactly like that but character limit lol)#idk i have many thoughts about team red and their manic energy and crazy bond #shut up vic #block game brainrot

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pa-pa-plasma · 2 months

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okay i just marathoned the entirety of ATLA live action & i might do an actual review of it explaining my thoughts more in depth, but the TLDR version basically boils down to this:

if you want to watch Avatar: The Last Airbender, just go watch the 2005 cartoon

#i was trying to keep an open mind & all that cuz of OPLA (my beloved) but. holy shit it was actually worse than i expected :/#like what were they thinking. did they use AI to write this or are the writers just like. really shitty #notes: they linger too much on random bullshit & refuse to move character development along #they tell when they should be showing & when they DO show it's for stuff that benefited from brief environmental storytelling in the OG #the plot drags so hard it was basically stagnant #there were some fun things but like. those things could've been funner if they'd been given the time other useless stuff was taking up #they changed so many minor details that really don't matter in order to make them more important #but this failed spectacularly because now there's just. stupid bullshit clogging up the plot??#instead of having 10 minute monologues 3 times an episode about plot irrelevant things #they should have taken a page out of the original's book & kept minor details to a minimum & focused on ACTUAL PLOT #SO MUCH CGI. LIKE I KNOW THEY NEED IT BUT COME ON. EVEN THE CHARACTERS?????? WHO ARE JUST STANDING THERE????????#they were given 8 hours & almost all of it was Aang angsting (lol) over being the avatar & not practicing actual bending #& then they ended the plot too early so they had to fill in the last like 20 minutes with something else #so they made up random lore that literally makes no sense. & overexplained all of it to the point i was blanking out from boredom #i think this is why i didn't enjoy Korra. they over explain the spirit world stuff & avatar powers & bending #that plus i just don't vibe with the aesthetic #being a writer is a curse because when i dislike something it's because i know exactly what went wrong & why #it's always with the analyzing & the judging & the internal note taking #even when i really try i can't just enjoy shit for fun

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fictionadventurer · 6 days

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All the tour groups in Springfield should be very proud of me for how well I refrained from sharing all my fascinating Lincoln facts.

#there were so many school groups!#a giant one came in RIGHT AFTER i entered lincoln's cabinet room #part of me was screaming 'children i NEED to tell you about all these idiots and their insane drama!'#a smarter part of me understood that would be super weird #so instead i regaled different individuals of my own traveling party after we had the room to ourselves #then at lincoln's tomb we lucked out in getting there during the ten minutes of the day when school groups weren't there #which meant we got a personal tour from a guide who seemed thrilled to have grown-ups to talk to #he and my dad chatted about fishing for a long while in the entry #it didn't feel disrespectful because it totally felt like the kind of conversation lincoln would have understood and joined in on #and then we went on our way but the guide then chased us down to share all the fascinating lincoln stories as we went along #(shout-out to lefty you were great)#and then a school group found us so we made a graceful exit #but outside a teacher was explaining to a different group about how robert was significant in his own right so he's buried at arlington #and the RESTRAINT i showed in not immediately informing them that he was present at three presidential assassinations! it was rather heroic #and then when we toured lincoln's house the guide (who accidentally made it clear he was a revolutionary war buff)#(which made it a bit hilarious he was stuck with lincoln)#asked for questions before we started and someone asked about lincoln's 1860 election campaign!#aka one of my SPECIAL NICHE AREAS OF OBSESSION!#you cannot imagine how desperately i wanted to tell him ALL ABOUT seward and thurlow weed #anyway it was fun to go back now that i actually know stuff about lincoln #but it was also a bit frustrating because now i know how much they leave out #(though there was cool new info and artifacts)#(the blood-stained piece of laura keene's dress was very morbid and very cool)#also it reminded me that i still have that book on the 1860 election i've yet to read and the hype is so real #presidential talk

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detransraichu · 18 days

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broooo not my ex making posts abt how hard it is to come to terms with being conventionally attractive while having low self-esteem issues and how wild it is to get compliments randomly on their appearance when they go out and how they're worried that their new transmasc boytoy is only into them bc they're hot -_- i'm tired... meanwhile i'm just seen as a gremlin now that i'm not hyperfem... they truly have the biggest issues in the world lol

also they were like "omg turns out i'm not ace i just needed a bf lol" and i'm like yeah. i know. you've been lusting after male characters for years. you were horny as fuck just not for me bc i didn't transition. you only made moves on me when you were bored, lonely or drunk. i always asked if that was the case and you were like no baby it's just your insecurities i don't need you to transition uwu. for 5 years. my trust issues are thru the roof now yayyyyy /dies

#lay text #i'm being mean and petty ugh #my heart kinda hurts but talking w my counsellor abt it helped #it rly helps to have a neutral third party to vent to #also i still think my ex is a good person i don't actually hate them i love them as a friend. but i do hate what they did to me #i hate that they went along w us dating bc they're too much of a doormat. i hate that they thought abt breaking up w me for years #but never told me bc they were worried i wouldn't survive without them financially or emotionally #feels so fucking infantilizing #now i'm so much better off without them despite being broke #that was my first and only real relationship my first time my first everything. i'm so embarrassed wtf i was RIGHT i was right all along #i was right it wasn't just insecurities they straight up never wanted me they wanted future transitioned male-passing me #it was all lies!!! from the get-go!!! meanwhile i did so much romantic bullshit and i was wearing rose colored glasses!!!!#and i was a big dyke. being with a woman who identified as a woman would've made me 2000x happier anyway. we could've just stayed roommates #i'm so bitter guys. i feel so jaded but i'm trying not to be :/#and now they have so much luck in their love life #and i'm just a lonely gremlin dyke who only attracts polyam/casual girls who only want me on the side #where tf is my love story :'( i've been trying SOOO FUCKING HARD to gain my ex's affection for 5 freaking years i was the most loveydovey g #i deserve a love story i think i've really earned it by now!!!!!#so much love to give #now they have it so easy wtf. feels unfair ngl. i'm happy for them obviously they deserve happiness too. but i am still bitter >:/#trying to process these feels instead of repressing them for once. i have a tendency to bottle up angst bc i think i'm bad for being mad #but nope those r healthy emotions!!! i can work thru this #it just sucks #if you read all of this bs i give you a cookie 🍪 <3

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derpinette · 1 month

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i miss going to school because i always knew everybody's business but nobody knew mine due to being a huge loser. & it ruled

#now i am still a loser ( well actually this cool bubbly normie girl likes to pull me along with her but it makes me feel bad )#( also i hate going outside & barely do now because i am having an androphobia flare RN which is to say agoraphobia like i vomit... gay AF #but anyway i also went to small private schools with declining enrollment numbers all my life Well only two one for 13 years #& then i switched to a cheaper one on my senior year. i would lurk & people would be like No worries you can say it it's only nyumie here #or they would tell me directly when nobody would want to talk to them due to drama & then leave & forget me as soon as they could #nobody would ever ask about my business it was so effingg awesome. altho there were rumors i was gay ( completely true )#the fact that both schools were small made it so that it was easier to know what was happening in most grades #but now IDK ANYTHING EVER even if i were to eavesdrop my faculty is just way too big & i barely even attend anyway +i hate that dump ETC ET #this is so detrimental to my QOL & need to Observe &Lurk my life is so EMPTY & boring i want to know somebody's petty drama #& i KNOW it happens you just have to be in a circle & attend everyday which I CBAAAA. when people pull me aside to hang out i know then #but i want NO INVOLVEMENT !!!! i just want to be in the background leave me alone i already have a girl i can relate & be loyal to #& she dropped out i never thought i actually would but here we are. i just want to acquire information from a distance on a regular basis-_#the reason why i never hated going to school despite bullying up until like my last year is because well i grew up in my original school #so i was familiar with everyone & everyday there would be something new & funny to discuss with my bestie who lives far away now -_-#i meanwe only really saw eachother at school anyway Man i wish i could GO BACK but not really vut yes but no...

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sonknuxadow · 2 months

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every time someone on the internet lies about surge's origins to prove that sonic is canonically trans an angel loses its wings

#well i guess lying isnt the right word. spreading misinformation would probably be more accurate #but its still annoying #especially considering the surge being a clone of sonic misconception being so widespread #can be traced back to one specific tumblr post that blew up and got reposted everywhere #that non sonic fans (or people who just dont read idw sonic) all accepted as fact without doing their own research #and then went on to spread further. PAIN #also even if surge really was made from sonic's dna i dont see how that would mean sonic is trans.... ?#because shes clearly not an exact copy shes a different species and a different color i dont see why her gender would mean anything #i say this as a trans sonic believer btw. people saying sonic is trans is not the problem here its the using inaccurate info as evidence #and then spreading that as facts #theres so much misinformation abuot sonic related things going around all the time in general not just this and its SOO ANNOYINGGGG #this along with stuff from the sonic bible being spread as canon info are things i see brought up most oftenn by non sonic fans #on random sonic related posts i think

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taexual · 3 months

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im getting real tired of oc acting like she has everything under control and is this amazing manger when all she does is order people around and can’t be serious when it comes to confrontations. i mean she yells and questions others for their behavior but they have to draw the line when it comes to her? that’s hypocritical. her saying that she was hiding behind the bet and only bc she was scared of jungkook‘s feelings being real is and was obvious from the very beginning but she also lied to herself again i mean let’s wake it up right?

how come YOU work with your ex boyfriend that is in a band that YOU are the manager of and allow YOURSELF to work with when YOU act like YOU don’t care about him, while YOU also try to control him for petty sht that has mostly to 65% nothing to do with the work environment. she always wants others to give her time and let her get her thoughts right before she has to talk but others for example jungkook has always an ultimatum like what is wrong with her and her entire mental health atp? im on jungkooks side with, that yes i as a reader am tired too if her acting like she doesn’t want to be with him when that’s all she wants but she‘s selfish (in my opinion no shade) bc she wants to see him beg a little more to avoid a) the confrontation about their fucked up relationship that happened from both sides and b) bc it makes her feel worthy of something again bc he didn’t care about her enough in those 4 years he was with others right? then yeah i wouldn’t give my time and energy to get that kind of person back and not bc jungkook wants to be better for her he needs to be better for himself and her never giving him that reassurance is unfair and disgusting bc she can want that from him right?

like i seriously need people like her to just either be direct or get out of that persons life forever. she sees that jungkook has other SERIOUS issues like his mental health and addiction to always downgrade himself as not worthy for any-little-thing but all she focuses on is „omg u did a bet now i can’t be with you and also bc nick wants me on the renaissance tour so ughhh idk everything is so heavy and omg i fainted am having so much stress ugh:((„ like shut the fuck up. she knew what she was getting into when she signed the contract for being a manager could she know how much stress she was getting into? no but that’s no here or there bc she allowed herself to not have a break that is on nobody but herself.

i have so much to discuss about her character but i really don’t want to just know that im tired of her and also thank you for writing something that’s truly new and fresh! i like this story it makes us think and have thoughts about the the chapters in general so yeah i hope you don’t get offended of how i view oc i don’t want to bash your characters ig it just that everyone has a different opinion in certain matters right? still thank you and have a great day! ☺️😊

omg babe you are having some very very interesting thoughts!!!! thank you for reading and for getting invested!!!!!!! 🥺🥺

the characters will have a discussion about a lot of the things that you mentioned soon--mostly in the next chapter--so i'm not going to elaborate much, but again, some very interesting points!! they are people with clear issues, and insecurities ranging from their past relationship to parental trauma to toxic friends. you know what i mean?? and i can't wait to show you what's nextttt!!!! 🤍🤍🤍

adding a spoiler bc i feel like it 🤌🏻

baby you said oc "can’t be serious when it comes to confrontations" and that is going to be one of the key plot points in the upcoming chapters!!!!

their whole relationship, they dealt with the chronic let's-not-talk-about-this illness, you know?? and jungkook is overcoming it! but now that's coming back to bite oc a little bit, because not only does she have to talk too, but she also has to face her demons from the broken relationship she had grown up in

#ask #anonymous #taexual; sleepwalking #when i saw this i was facetiming my friend #it was like 2am #and the way you sent me straight into orbit with your message babe #INTO ORBIT #i was still on a caffeine high at that time and you made me want to keep working on sleepwalking rIGHT NOW #i went to bed at 5am lmao #regardless of that though #i'm so excited!!! like throughout the progress of the story i've heard all kinds of things about both of the main characters #and some of the reactions have been very intense!!! which has been very very interesting and fascinating #i have the most fun when the characters are complex and the situations they end up in are messy #so reading about your emotions?? it's extremely valuable for me!!!#i love to know what thoughts cross your mind as you go along the story<3

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