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maskydoolovesmasseffect · 3 years

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Mass Effect Tag

Wellio, I’ve been tagged by @berryshiara. Passing this on to @grummel83

Gunna answer my questions now. Y’all feel free to tell me what you think of these answers.

I’m a fan since: 2008. I was just out of high school and still not over KoTOR. I was fresh in the army and got to talking to some other dude fresh to the army about video games. He asked me if I played Mass Effect. I said no. By the next day I just about totally forgot about him, then he suddenly appeared out of nowhere sat in front of me in the chow hall and pulled a copy of ME1 for Xbox 360 out his pocket like he was a magician doing a magic trick (ACU pockets are huge.)

Anyway turns out that guy was a romance option and I must have picked the right dialogue options. I’m still with him, too.

Favorite game of the series:

Mass Effect 2. It seemed like that’s the one where choices mattered most and you really got to know your squaddies. Also MAJOR gameplay improvements over the first game. And that game gave me the most freedom to do basically whatever I wanted and wasnt afraid to give me consequences for it.

MShep or FShep:

FShep. Nothing against MShep, but for me the real Shep is FShep. Can’t beat Jennifer Hale’s voice.

Earthborn, Colonist, or Spacer:

Colonist. I like having the background of knowing just how dangerous the galaxy can be and how the Alliance can’t be everywhere at once so sometimes you need to manage your best on your own.

Biotics or Tech:

Both.

Paragon or Renegade:

Paragon, mostly. I tried being renegade but some of the actions are just so pointlessly dickish, or even outright unhinged in a way that would make it impossible to believe the Alliance would ever promote Shepard as an officer or even keep her in the Alliance at all, especially in the first game.

That said, there are times where a renegade action is more expedient and practical than a paragon one, like in 2 when you stab a dude in the back to prevent him from repairing an enemy gunship, so even with a paragon playthrough, my Shepard will have no issues taking that opportunity. She’s already seconds away from betraying all those guys anyway.

Paragon in treatment of others, renegade in combat pragmatism.

Favorite Class:

I play as infiltrator and vanguard.

Infiltrator is great for using a sniping and opening loot, and then for going invisible, and if I remember right AI hacking too. That’s cool and I wish there were more genuine opportunities for stealth.

Nowadays I play as Vanguard in my playthroughs mainly just so my Shepard can be canonically biotic for story reasons. From 2 on when looting no longer needs a special skill and I get to charge around the map. I don’t really care much about using biotics (that’s what the squadies are for) but the movement is super useful (when Shepard actually does the thing instead of just standing out in the open soaking up bullets until the ability decides to actually work.)

Favorite Companion:

Garrus. I like to set him up in sniper positions. When he actually STAYS where I put him instead of running straight up to enemies to try to snipe them at point blank, he’s great.

Also his quips in 2 on are pretty entertaining.

Least Favorite Companion:

Garrus, Oh my god. Go back to the sniper position where I put you. Leave tanking to krogan; you do not have the HP for this.

Also Kaidan in ME1. He can not shoot to save his life - literally.

My Squad Selection:

For all ME1 playthroughs after my first one, Ashley and Kaidan, just of their comments and because... well... I only have so much time with them.

Apart from that I mainly just pick my team based on who’s likely to have the most interesting commentary on whatever the mission happens to be, squad balance be damned.

Favorite In-Game Romance:

Garrus X Shepard is my favorite love story. They are just so adorable together and always supportive even when they disagree.

But my cannon romance is Kaidan X Shepard for the drama and angst.

Favorite NPC:

In ME1 there’s this random Turian on Noveria who randomly has like a New York accent and I absolutely adore him. He plays basically no part in the story other than some minor information but he’s just so pleasant to speak to.

“If you need anything, I’ll be here.”

Favorite Antagonist:

Morinth, the Ardat-Yakshi daughter of Samara. Yes, she’s a murderous vampire who will absolutely kill you given the chance... but like, it’s a medical condition. And I really can’t help but feel for ardat-yakshi in general when their only options are to spend their whole lives on the run from justicars out to execute them, or waste their entire 1000 year lifespan imprisoned in a monetary unable to experience the world at all. Yeah, Morinth is evil, but Ardat-Yakshi don’t exactly have a good deal.

Favorite Loyalty Mission:

Grunt’s loyalty mission is the best. I get to help my baby boy, reunite with Wrex, enjoy krogan society being fleshed out, have a kickass battle against a thresher maw, and get a breeding request. It’s nice to have a quest that isn’t about family drama and genuinely gets a happy end.

Favorite Mission:

Despite Citadel DLC requiring everyone to have a deathgrip on an idiot ball, and also basically gloss over some really dark stuff, the whole clone storyline with the whole crew is an absolute ride all the way though, with lots of interesting and unique scenarios, a ton of replay-value, and funny party banter that feels like it came straight out of a Marvel movie.

Favorite DLC:

Again, Citadel DLC. Not only did it come with the story above, it also had all those interactions with past and present crewmates, including a memorial for Thane (finally!), a cool apartment to hang out in, a party, an arcade, and an awesome battle arena. It really added a TON. Also, it’s nice to see Bioware figure out that DLC needs characters - I’m remembering back in the DLC to ME 1 the party never had a single thing to say, no matter what was going on. The fun and wacky Citadel DLC is a far cry from the serious and somewhat dark space opera Mass Effect started as, but as the final DLC capping off the end of the series, it gets to do a silly victory lap (and get the taste of the ending out of our mouths.)

Control, Synthesis, Or Destroy:

No.

Favorite Weapon:

Sniper rifles, whatever I have that’s fast and has high damage output. Also that one pistol that shoots tiny energy grenades. Pew pew.

Yeah I wasn’t really big into the weapons so much. I’m here to get my story on.

Favorite Place:

The presidium on the Citadel. It bothered me a lot when I couldn’t explore it in the second game. I know it would have been terribly impractical, but as the presidium is just a huge ring, it would have been cool to be able to explore the whole thing, going past all the little park areas, shops, monuments and so on until you loop aaaaall the way back around to where you started. Like, how cool would it be if the ring had a running track? Maybe C-sec academy trainees would be spotted jogging together along it in formation. And can you imagine grabbing a coffee (I was going to make up a space-related name for Starbucks but it’s already STARbucks...) and taking a nice stroll along the water before finding a nice bench to alien-watch from? Other locations in the game are like great places to explore and do gameplay stuff, but the presidium seems like a nice place to just be.

Favorite Quote:

"Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer." - Javik.

This is such a fucking raw damn line. It makes me think a lot about Cerberus. When ME3 wasn’t out yet, I thought maybe the plan was Shepard would at some point choose a side, Alliance for paragons and Cerberus for renegades. It would have been so cool to have morality not merely be good vs evil, but idealism vs that ruthless calculus Garrus mentioned. How fucking raw would it be if Cerberus wasn’t just generically evil for no reason and suddenly indoctrinated but really were embodying that ruthless calculus, determined to defeat the reapers at any and all cost. Maybe Cerberus actions’ were more likely to do terrible things for the sake of ultimate victory, doing whatever it took, whereas the Alliance would be less willing to make the terrible choices and ultimately be less likely to succeed.

Now obviously, that’s not what happened, as it would have required Bioware to basically make two entirely separate games. But that line from Javik makes me think of that concept, and a universe where like Dragon Age party members can approve or disapprove of actions not merely as good or evil but along the lines of their personal values. I think Javik would sit at victory at all cost.

Also that one mission in 2 where some random NPC catches Shepard sneaking around and is all like ‘what are you doing here?’ and Shepard is like ‘What am I doing here? What are you doing here? Get out here before it blows!’ and the guy’s freaking out like WTF and she says ‘RUN!’ then laughs to herself as he flees from an imaginary bomb. Shep you troll.

The thing I like the least about the entire franchise:

The misogyny and objectification that crept its way in, epically from the second game on. Really didn’t like those ass-shot camera angles, or female characters being slut-shamed in-universe for the clothes the designers made them wear. Yikes.

But the biggest yikes for me in that regard is actually the reveal in 3 that the prothians guided asari development. That was fine and all, but the part that bothered me was the characters commenting “ooooh, so that’s why asari are so advanced,” as it was ever any kind of mystery before that exact moment. For one thing, asari aren’t really shown as being more advanced than anyone else, apart from having discovered the citadel first, and for second, why wouldn’t asari be advanced? All the way from ME1 it’s established that 1: Asari live for a really long time, and 2: can instant transmit information directly from brain to brain. That means they have long lifetime in which to accumulate knowledge and experience, and also can easily spread and preserve that knowledge without even the need for books. That ALONE should put them ahead. And even with all that, they only barely beat the salarians to discovering the Citadel first. But no one asks for an explanation for why salarians, who live only a few decades and can’t do mental data-transfer, are so advanced. No, only the success of the all-women race needs explaining. It was just one moment but it still bugs me.

Also the general loss of realism after the second game. First game everyone gets armor, including full-face helmets automatically on in environments that need it. After that, people can apparently just wander the battlefield half-naked and even somehow survive in a total vacuum if they just put a plastic cup (that isn’t even connected to anything) over their mouth and nose. In the first game they at least made up some reasonable-sounding science fiction explanation for things, but after that it’s like F-it everything is just space magic now.

Oh, and those repetitive unlocking stuff minigames. I use a mod to just skip those.

#mass effect #tag

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whatsupwithher · 4 years

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Ok it's me here to rant about TROS again.

I think Disney having that R//ylo kiss shoved in at the end was a huge mistake. Thinking about it makes me wish I never liked Star Wars in the first place. Literally where is the respect for Rey's character? This is a grown man who kidnapped her, devled into her mind to take what ever he wanted, tried to kill her, tried to kill her friends. Yet it's suddenly okay because she turned Kylo Ren back to the light? It doesn't make any sense. Plot wise it just came from no where. You spend a whole trilogy building up this battle between the dark and the light (aka, a battle between Rey and Kylo Ren) only for them to kiss with no real romantic build up? Gross. It's like they tried to make a Han and Leia romance 2.0, which I've seen a lot of R//ylos try to compare the two, because of their age difference. But newsflash! Han Solo didn't kidnap Leia, nor did he torture her, or actively try to kill her!! So sit down with your comparisons because they are not the same!! That kiss just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I remember sitting there on opening night, seeing one disappointment on screen after another. Some things I could push aside, and other things I predicted would happen, but that just left me with a feeling that I had just, wasted so many years being so excited about how the series would end. I was so, so disapointed.

Not to mention there were so many opportunities missed with this film. Finn and Poe? They've had so much natural on screen chemistry. SO natural. I mean, how often do you hear an actor having fought so passionately to get a gay couple on screen? Oscar Isaac fought for that for years and the Disney gremlins said no. He's right, they are overlords. And also good for John Boyega going absolutely feral destorying R//ylo's left and right (nothing but respect for my kings). The introduction of Zorrii is Disney's way of holding their hands up to say "obviously Poe isn't gay look theres a GIrL!" (Which is similar to that Rose and Finn kiss at the end of TLJ, because like, when rewatching it I still see no hints of romance prior to that kiss.) Disney are cowards. Fuck Disney. If you didn't want a gay couple then why not use the next most natural-chemistry filled couple... Finnrey? You know, an actual loving relationship?

Leia's "sacrifice" felt so wasted and unnecessary. It hurts. Like why are we pretending Kylo Ren deserved to be redeemed? If he wanted out of the FO regime I'm sure after he killed Snoke he would've been happily able to bail, but no, he stuck around, played the role of SUPREME LEADER for A WHOLE YEAR. Does that sound like someone who wanted out? Seriously. It's a joke.

Finn should've has such a huge arc learning about his force-sensitivity but again, Disney are fucking cowards and needed to side line him.

Where the fuck were the knights the year before? Why don't they speak? Literally wtf?

HUX? That still hurts.

Rey's Palpatine connection? Gross. Creepy. You're telling me Palpatine cannonically fucks? Get OUT. I remember Daisy Ridley saying in an interview something like "why does everyone need to connect Rey to another character? She's just strong." And I felt that. Why couldn't she be Rey? Just Rey? Who's parents and lineage were nobodys? Who just happens to be powerful with the force? - That kid of the end of TLJ has no connections to any of the characters we've met and clearly has the force. Why couldn't Rey have been the same? Maddens me.

Also Daisy Ridley did NOT like R//ylo. So...

I remember getting goosebumps when I watched the first trailer for TROS, but looking back now, I dont know why. And god, my dad was obsessed with the original trilogy when he was a kid, he turned to me after we watched it and he genuinely looked sad. That movie has actually let him down, that story he watched so much as a child was literally ruined for him. He said that it wasn't even like a Star Wars movie. Disney seriously let down everyone with that movie. They let everyone down with the sequel trilogy. It's silly but my heart is heavy. They offered us something good with TFA, and it only went (rapidly) downhill from there.

Disney said oh you like the characters we gave you in TFA? How about we make Star Wars fans every where hate the franchise they grew up with :) and thats exactly what they did. Fuck Disney and fuck whatever the hell they did to the sequel trilogy.

#im mad af #tros #star wars #rey #finn #poe dameron #kylo ren #general hux #rose tico

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ghostmartyr · 5 years

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Avengers: Endgame Thoughts

SPOILERS, obviously.

So I figure I’ll babble enough to keep all the genuinely spoilery content under an appropriately timed cut. Even though everything after this statement is full of expectation spoilers. The few key things that I can think about to mention are that I really appreciated the movie and enjoyed the highs and teared up aplenty.

Also that I think this is going to be a primarily negative post. Whoops.

Not because I think it’s awful. I want to emphasize that I don’t think it is awful, because I am very worried that I’m going to forget to say that.

There’s a base level of quality you can sort of expect from MCU movies, so I don’t generally feel the need to move beyond the role of passive audience member for them. Then Infinity War really impressed me, and I couldn’t wait to see how everything was going to wrap up when they really left the movie there, so my investment level piqued.

As a result, there are more thoughts than usual. About a movie I really did find to be of high quality, and probably would see again happily if planning to sit still for another three hours didn’t make me twitchy.

I liked the movie.

There are just some character decisions and plot mechanics and overall writing decisions that... really?

First thing that I don’t have much to say about but can’t rationalize having a complaint post with no mention of: Thor and Hulk.

People in charge of the movie, you had no problem including Captain Marvel when you had no earthly clue what to actually do with her. Her smile warmed my heart in every scene she graced, and while I was criminally disappointed she was not more involved, none of the material she was given made me feel like the people writing her didn’t care about her.

...

Actually, now that I think about it, this should not have just a Thor and Hulk complaint section. Like that was the idea, because I didn’t have much, because I don’t care (slightly different than the writers’ level of don’t care), but the whole...

...

Oy.

Here, once for flavor, with the knowledge that I’ll get back to it and repeatedly whine about it this whole post.

I find the fucking time skip wanting in too many ways for me to really forgive the film for.

Anyway, Thor and Hulk.

In short, no.

In less short, what are you doing.

Hulk I don’t have a serious gripe with, except my main complaint about Infinity War was how Banner (I should probably change how I name him based on which character I’m talking about, but I really just mean the entity represented by a particular actor so I can’t care that much) got used up as comedy relief. You can have comedic moments and characters. If you have transformed your character into a comedic moment, you’ve fucked up.

(See Thor in too much of this movie.)

But one of the interesting parts of Hulk’s general arc in the MCU was how Banner and Hulk were starting to negotiate for their place in their body.

Cue Endgame, cue time skip, cue completely glossing over how they make their peace with each other.

Avengers franchise, why?

I am not attached to Hulk or Banner or any of that section of the plot, honestly, but the potential of that entire element is shot and left for dead in the water. Then the floating corpse gets up and starts walking around as part of a cog of the story.

Hulk’s most interesting plot point basically happened in another movie that doesn’t now, and probably won’t ever, exist, and considering what Infinity War put the guy through as a character, my writing senses are hurt and sad all over.

Then there’s Thor.

I think he might fit into the whole thing I will soon get into about character resolutions that hit the right emotional keys solidly enough that you forget they’re playing the wrong song.

Mostly he picks up the “hole” (wrongly perceived as something that needs to be filled) left by Hulk leaving the walking gag scene party. Drinking himself into oblivion and disregarding self-care in the aftermath of an immense trauma is one of the film’s chosen humor mainstays.

My impression is that I’m the only person in my tight corner of the internet who doesn’t really like Ragnarok because its silliness felt like it was trying too hard. It’s my favorite of the Thor movies, but a bunch of the humor didn’t feel natural to me. Better than Infinity War’s handling of Hulk, and better than Endgame’s handling of Thor, just not my favorite tone.

Endgame sort of takes that element, jacks it away from its surrounding strengths, and rolls out a keg for it to drown in.

When the movie remembers to empathize with Thor instead of mocking him, there are some great moments. But he draws one of the shortest straws of the movie.

And the character resolution is...

Good fuck this is why I had to say I liked the movie. Because when I actually sit down and think about my problems with it, the rest of my brain just lounges to the side in horror, wondering what could possibly have been entertaining if such elements were included.

The very beginnings of my problems with the movie is that they kill Thanos.

I think he’s dead ten minutes in.

Then they skip five years.

Five years.

Ooooh my everything.

Okay so like, you know how you start reading something, or watching something, and your head immediately takes note that oh, this must be a dream sequence. The couple in a romance is suddenly way too hot and steamy for where the story has them in their development, a random bomb goes off, the guy who destroyed half of all life in the universe because no one can stop him in the last movie is killed in the first ten minutes of the next--

There’s like.

A rhythm. There’s a rhythm to how stories work.

When that rhythm is disrupted, the audience is left with a tangible feeling of wtf. Either that feeling enhances the other quality stuff going on, or it enhances the other Quality stuff going on, if you catch my drift.

You step into a vacuum.

It’s great for recreating that sense of absence. The world is irrevocably changed. It’s emptier. The heroes are broken. Their revenge doesn’t fix anything. They just. continue to exist, with losses they aren’t equipped to handle.

FIVE YEARS OF IT.

I have probably a longer list of things I want stories involving time travel not to do than is perhaps healthy. But maybe stories involving time travel should keep their act together better or I don’t know.

Bad Future ends are not something I appreciate, because often, they go grimdark just because they can, because they know it’s not the final future, so anything goes. You don’t have to treat it like any reality that matters, because it isn’t permanent.

This story... I would say it toes the line there, but in ways that grate on me thoroughly enough that it presses all the same buttons.

Thanos can die in the first ten minutes, and it doesn’t matter. We know it doesn’t matter, because it happens in the first ten minutes. ...Maybe twenty, to be safe. It’s early. But you have this villain who’s built up to a ridiculous degree, bizarrely succeeds in living up to his own hype, then you kill him off so that a younger version of himself gets top billing in the final battle.

Why?

I get why as far as the story is designed, but at some point in the process, this story is designed by humans. Humans who could have stopped and asked themselves if they were really telling the best version of this story they possibly could.

Thanos is defeated while his blight remains. I love saying that. I love that I can describe a story with those words.

But the initial defeat is so unsatisfying and bereft of life. All the energy of him as an external force for our heroes to unite against is bled out early, and to get it back, they really do just ship in a younger model.

Which does make sense. Younger Thanos’ motives are fine and reasonable. Just, as far as the plot design, the whole presentation of the movie’s setting feels like a dream sequence. It feels, very early on, like this will never be allowed to be forever.

Then that feeling lasts for five years.

Getting into the time travel thing.

Time travel is really hard to get right in stories. You want to change something, but the people doing the changing are products of what they’ve lived through. How do you honor that while still fixing the unspeakable evil that happened? How do you change the world while keeping the threads that made us care alive and relevant?

One thing I very much like is that Tony fights to keep what he’s gained alive. Good. The volcanic soil grew him something irreplaceable, and it’s perfectly reasonable for him to want to hold on to that, and I’m glad he does.

But then you have the other half of the story, where no one is able to move on.

My preference for time travel correcting things is for characters to either be trying to change their own future that they have yet to live through, or for them to trying to fix something that is so recent the characters are still wrangling with it as a piece of their present. I have more than a touch of “humans should not mess with these things they don’t know what they’re doing,” past a certain point.

In case it weren’t obvious, five years is pretty far past that point for me. It hits this awful uncanny valley sweet spot of people wanting to change a reality that never should have been vs. people who are willing to fuck up the world because they can’t let go.

I like superheros. I like correcting injustices. Save all the people. I like people fighting tooth and nail to fix things set in stone because these are their people, dammit.

I also hate seeing people so stuck in the past they refuse to make a future.

This movie screams both of those elements so loudly that it’s hard for me to really piece out how I feel about the story in its entirety.

I like that they don’t simply hit an undo button, and do bring everyone back in a way that lets the future that has already happened continue.

But then there’s Steve and Nat and just... fuck, dude.

Gun to my head, I’m a happy person. If everyone could be alive at the end, that would be my preference, I don’t care if it’s cheesy. But you have the choice between Hawkeye and Black Widow. The man who’s lost his family, and the woman who’s lost purpose.

Or something. I don’t do MCU meta.

The sense I get from watching is that Natasha feels like her life works better as a sacrifice. If they succeed, she doesn’t have children and a wife waiting at home. So clearly it makes sense for her to be the one to die. Her road ends to bring back the happiness of others.

Which...

I don’t know how to articulate my problem with this without moving on to Steve first.

So let’s do that.

Steve.

Steve, whose story ends with him going back in time and staying there.

Forget about how the story criticizes every movie that does time travel better than it. Forget about all the levels of not caring went into designing the time travel elements. If possible.

I do not like how Steve’s story is essentially about how there’s only one time and place for him to experience a fulfilling life.

It is the nature of writing stories that we want to encapsulate things. The perfect moment. The perfect set of emotions. The perfect time. Everything falls into place, and that’s how we want it. We’ll never get it better than that. Keep retreading that dead horse, because it was so good.

Steve and Peggy are beautiful together.

What I hate about them ending up together is that... there’s this obvious, painful belief that the world of the future doesn’t have anything left for Steve. Bucky’s there. Sam’s there. Billions of people have just found there way back. Steve’s lived in this century for years.

Reclaiming the past is more important than building a future.

Even though the story’s driving plot is about keeping their past maintained so they can have this future. Or something.

Steve doesn’t have a future. Natasha doesn’t have a future. So the story removes them from it, and calls that a clean, happy (if bittersweet) ending. They’re pieces that don’t work in this world. Their chances are gone. They can live in the past or die.

I hate that. I’m a sap who will read a million stories about someone having a single true love they can’t be without and no one else could ever compare and blah and blah and blah, but that somehow feels different from watching a character’s life play out for years, and seeing them come to the conclusion that they can never belong in this place.

Building a new home never compared to the old one.

That’s depressing as fuck.

Thor gets a piece of this as well, becoming more of a knight errant than a king. After going to so much trouble to become his people’s king and just. Geez.

I don’t think that this is a thing the movie as a whole is really trying to encourage. I think the people working on it just had different visions for what would be cool as a sendoff and so on. Tony’s insistence that they don’t undo the five years they’ve had, and Nebula’s... everything--those aren’t elements of a story that says you can’t grow and find a new place. You don’t have to keep on repeating what you know and nothing else. You really don’t.

But that feels very twisted around for some of these characters’ personal journeys, and as happy as I am for Steve getting his dance with Peggy, the idea that this is a person whose true happiness could never be in the future...

That lingers in a way that I can’t like, and colors a lot of the other resolutions.

I really enjoyed the movie?

Yay?

Even though no one cared even a little at all even once except to attempt to drag other movies about time travel.

This movie’s time travel mechanics are terrible.

They’re just bad.

When you drop the titles of that many other things that have time travel.

And say this isn’t like that.

You should. you should hope. that your thing could at least make a convincing case for making more sense.

This does not succeed in that.

How could you watch enough of those movies to know they had time travel, yet fail to learn anything about how to write time travel. How. Why did you. why. Dragon Ball Z has more internally consistent time travel.

Three hours well spent. The hours on this, maybe less well.

#Avengers #Avengers Endgame #endgame spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr

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michelles-garden-of-evil · 5 years

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Episode 1 Review, Part I: Welcome to Maljardin

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 | 3 }

{ Synopses: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

What to write about the pilot? How should I begin the introduction to the first real post on this blog? I don’t wish to write a detailed synopsis, because other people have already done so, and I feel neither the need nor the desire to comment on everything in this episode (or, indeed, in any episode). Also, funnier writers than I have already written detailed reviews of it, and I don’t feel I can compete with them, especially if I focus too hard on trying to be funny. So this will be a different kind of review series, focusing on analysis of what I think is important/interesting instead of recapping everything. And I promise that my other posts won’t be as long as this one. There’s just a lot to cover in this first post.

One of the main questions that I intend to explore in this post series is what makes a TV show “bad.” Obviously, this is purely subjective, and most of what I write will be my silly personal opinion, but we are dealing with a show that many people consider “bad” and that, arguably, is “bad” by most mainstream TV watchers’ standards nowadays. Today, we live in an era where TV dramas have increasingly higher budgets and production values, where viewers expect realistic acting and special effects, where streaming and binge-watching are increasingly the norm, and where making a single continuity error or retcon will inspire scorn from your entire fanbase (and God forbid one of the actors forgets to throw out their Starbucks cup). TV today is almost the polar opposite of TV in 1969, when shows were much lower budget, special effect failures were far more acceptable, and streaming on demand probably sounded more absurd than using science to bring a frozen woman’s body back to life. As such, people today expect different things from television from the soap opera viewers of fifty years ago, and are quick to dismiss a show as bad.

I agree that continuity errors and retcons are signs of mediocre writing, but do high production values and good special effects really matter? Is realistic acting necessary for drama, or can drama be just as effective with artificial, stylized, hammy or campy acting? How do we separate a genuinely bad show from one that is merely dated, or that has a few minor problems? If you ask me, the answer lies in the writing and the effectiveness of the acting--and it is the writing that will be the primary focus of this blog.

The pilot, like the 43 episodes that follow, was written by Ian Martin, an actor-turned-writer for soap operas and later Gothic romance and horror. He is most famous for writing over two hundred episodes of CBS Radio Mystery Theater in the 1970s. (While I only recently discovered CBSRMT and therefore haven’t listened to most of the episodes yet, I can say that those of his that I’ve listened to are very good. I particularly recommend “And Death Makes Even Steven” and “Time and Again.”) For the plot of Strange Paradise, Martin seems to have drawn on his own life experiences: namely, the tragic early death of his first wife, the actress Inge Adams. According to Curt Ladnier, “Though no one can claim to know what was going through Ian Martin’s mind as he wrote the scripts laying the groundwork for Strange Paradise‘s basic plot, it’s not hard to conceive he may have felt some familiarity with the story of a man who lost the love of his life to an untimely death.” His grief shines through every speech that he has Jean Paul give to Erica. Indeed, his episodes have far more heart in them than later Maljardin episodes or Desmond Hall, and most of my favorite episodes were his work. They also have a lot of snarky humor and better dialogue than most of the later episodes, so, if you imagine a sliding scale going from “good” to “slightly so-bad-it’s-good” to “David Wells,” most would be on the “good” side. (Most of Desmond Hall, in contrast, is decidedly on the other--which is a given, considering that David Wells plays a prominent role in that arc, and most of the time he’s hilariously bad.)

This is not to say that Martin’s writing is perfect. Some of his episodes drag and he is not exactly subtle about many things. He has characters (especially Raxl) repeat themselves perhaps more than is necessary. Also, many of his episodes contain a certain subplot that I find boring and pointless and that the show could have done without. (More on all these things when we get to them.) The early Maljardin episodes are not masterpieces, but they’re a hell of a lot better than most of what came after. And it’s clear that Martin was trying to do its own thing, rather than copy off Dark Shadows.

So, anyway, enough about Ian Martin and onto my thoughts about Episode 1, which is what you presumably came here for:

The obligatory first-episode title card screencap

The show opens on the fictional Caribbean island of Maljardin, which roughly translates to “garden of evil.” Jardin is French for “garden” and mal for “evil (noun).” Mal can also be used as an adverb to mean “badly,” but it is not an adjective. “Evil (adjective) garden” would be Mauvaisjardin, which doesn’t sound half as cool. The exterior shots are of Casa Loma, a mansion in Toronto surrounded by trees that look nothing like anything in the Caribbean, but I can forgive them because the Château de Maljardin is awesome both inside and out. I would say I want to live on Maljardin, but I don’t like the heat and I’m sure the air conditioning costs for the château are extravagant--and, although they never mention it on the show, you know that filthy rich and frequently overdressed Jean Paul Desmond would have had air conditioning installed.

Jean Paul Desmond (Colin Fox) is the master of Maljardin and he is grieving the death of his wife Erica (Lara Cochrane), whose body he is preparing to freeze in order to bring her back to life at some point in the future. Erica has apparently only just died, and he is already having his servant Quito (Kurt Schiegl) carry huge blocks of dry ice--with his bare hands (WTF?)--to line her coffin. Jean Paul must have spent a while preparing for this, and one wonders how far in advance he had to decide to do this, especially since he has already arranged for the Cryonics Society to professionally freeze her and they state in the first episode that he does not have a phone on his island. I’ve watched this episode three times and, each time I watch it, the whole situation seems a little more suspicious. But maybe he and/or Dr. Menkin (Joe Austin) predicted her death far in advance and planned accordingly? Surely a man as besotted with his wife as Jean Paul couldn’t have murdered her, right?

I love the scene where he makes his grand entrance carrying Erica. It's so extra. He's so extra.

I’m not speculating about all this because I don’t like Jean Paul, but rather because of certain clues in the narrative that might reflect a once-planned plot twist that writers after Martin ignored. (The keyword is might; I have no evidence that Martin was planning one, but one can always speculate.) In fact, I adore Jean Paul. His actor, Colin Fox, is the main reason why I’m obsessed with this show and can’t stop watching it. I have a huge crush on him thanks to this show, even bigger than my previous #1 crush, which was on King Henri III of France. Jean Paul is exactly my type: super-tall (he looks about 6′6″/2 meters), dark, handsome (more so when he’s not brooding), graceful, elegant, and very, very extra. He also has a beautiful voice, and I love listening to him talk. Yes, I know I’m attracted to him for mostly superficial reasons, but Jean Paul’s a fictional character, so does it matter? There are only a few problems with him, most notably some megalomaniacal tendencies:

I suppose, though, that it’s inevitable to become somewhat of a megalomaniac when you own not just an isolated private island, but “a brokerage house, a department store, three newspapers, a football franchise, motion picture and television interests, and real estate holdings,” to quote another character. Jean Paul thinks that he can bring Erica back to life by spending millions of dollars on cryonics, which other characters--most notably his housekeeper Raxl (Cosette Lee)--insist is playing God. Only one other character approves, and he even applauds him for it:

This is Jacques Eloi des Mondes, Jean Paul’s identical ancestor from the 17th century and my favorite character on this show. His surname literally means “of the worlds,” which I think is an awesome name for a character in an urban fantasy/horror series. According to Raxl, who is highly knowledgeable about both the des Mondes family history and the supernatural, Jacques Eloi des Mondes was THE DEVIL. (It is never clear whether she means this literally or figuratively.) He is also, in my not-so-humble opinion, the single hottest male character in the history of television. No exceptions. If you gave me the choice between Jacques and the entire cast of every other show in existence, I would choose him. He is charming, charismatic, seductive, and hilarious, at least in Ian Martin’s episodes. Most of the writers after Martin, however, ignore his superficial charm and focus instead on his evil, which Martin mostly only hints at. Anyway, Jacques talks through this portrait--a surprisingly good one compared to other ��period” portraits from other shows and movies--which glows when his spirit talks to Jean Paul in this episode and which disappears when he (mild spoiler alert)

possesses him.

Jean Paul realizes that he and Jacques have a lot in common, including both having lost their wives at a young age. It is implied that he may even be a reincarnation of Jacques, who calls him “the man you are, the man you might have been,” before making him have a flashback to Jacques’ wedding reception three hundred years earlier. I will cover the flashback in another post, because, despite being only a minute and a half long, there is a lot to unpack and I want to critique the costumes in addition to analyzing the content. But I will say this now: Martin has Jacques mention “the cliff heights at sunset” in a rather ominous way, followed by a glance at the camera that suggests a much darker intent than just showing them to his bride:

This is the face of a very handsome man who is contemplating murder.

After this flashback, Jean Paul finds a glass of brandy in his hand that wasn’t there before: something which only Debby Graham’s synopsis mentions, but which is the first of many instances of Jacques literally making him drink. Jacques offers to resurrect Erica in return for Jean Paul setting him free, which involves finding his effigy in the crypt in the basement and removing a silver pin from its head. Jean Paul does this in a scene interspersed with clips of a singer performing a bad cover of “That Old Black Magic” (somewhere between slightly so-bad-it’s-good and David Wells on the sliding scale), and, as soon as he removes the pin from the doll’s head, Raxl freaks out because she senses what has just happened:

Jacques: *bows* “Bonjour!” *smirks as show cuts to brief shot of blank portrait* “The voodoo spell is broken.” *taps on doll’s head with pin* “I no longer have any need for you. Now...”

Raxl: "YOU DEVIL OUT OF HELL! OH! YOU FOOL! HOW DID YOU EVER BREAK THE SPELL THAT BOUND YOU TO-" *stops in archway and gasps*

Jacques: *in both Jean Paul’’s body and clothes now* "Why, what's the matter with you, Raxl?"

Jacques Eloi des Mondes, THE DEVIL, has possessed Jean Paul and is loose on Maljardin! And the episode ends shortly after.

While not one of the best episodes, the pilot is definitely interesting. The acting is somewhat campy and cheesy, especially in the flashback and in all of Raxl’s scenes, so this episode is definitely so bad it’s good. If you have read any of the synopses I linked to earlier in this article, it will be obvious that I didn’t write about everyone and everything in this episode (notably, I didn’t cover Alison and Dan’s scenes), but that is out of a desire to focus on Jean Paul and Jacques rather than a lack of interest. I do wonder, though: is this the first time that Jacques has spoken to Jean Paul? And just what is the true, original story behind Erica’s death?

{ <-- Previous: Introduction || Next: Episode 1, Part II --> }

#strange paradise #gothic soap opera #week 1 #episode 1 #maljardin arc #review #analysis #ian martin #cbs radio mystery theater #cbsrmt #conjure doll and silver pin #jacques making jean paul drink #magical costume change #on this island i am god #sliding scale of episode quality #speculation on ian martin's original story

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fandom-rants · 5 years

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Plotholes, Story Rushing, and Shoddy Writing In Keyblade Graveyard, Pt. 1 (p.s. there are SEVERAL issues to unpack here)

~~~~THIS CONTAINS COUNTLESS SPOILERS FOR KHIII~~~~

PLEASE NOTE that this will not be in perfect order; there are so many things wrong with the story in the Keyblade Graveyard that I struggle to balance it all without having a raging meltdown. As someone who adored the Kingdom Hearts franchise (yes, you read that right; past tense) and memorized all the lore and played all of the games (save Coded; I just watched that one because it does not look to be worth it at all) and loved the characters, I can only express deep and profound disappointment in the story. The rushed, chaotic garbage mess of a story.

And those who say otherwise? Have chosen to ignore the story for the sake of the ‘happy ending’ (which is a farce; a happy ending doesn’t include Sora sacrificing himself again for the damsel in distress trope).

If you thought some of my other rants were long, you aren’t ready for this one. It’s so long it needed to be split up into parts.

1. Aqua and Ven

a. Firstly, it’s good to know that Nomura is literally incapable of writing a female who isn’t a damsel in distress. Good to see Aqua go “I’m gonna prove how strong I am,” only to need immediate rescuing. Brilliant.

b. So it’s that easy to wake Ven up, huh? His heart’s been linked with Sora’s for Sora’s entire life, it’s been sleeping in Sora’s for so long that Sora has taken on Ven’s mannerisms, but they can just separate without a single hitch, huh? Just like that, huh? And there’s no problem waking up, it takes no time at all, and he can move in his body without even remote difficulty, huh? Basically, there are no repercussions to any of this, huh? I call bullshit.

c. Going back a page, it’s good to know that these guys all showed up at Castle Oblivion and didn’t even bother clearing the place to ensure there weren’t any enemies around to - /snorts with laughter/ - immediately try to kill Ven while he was still vulnerable. Who could have ever expected such a thing, amirite?

d. Why aren’t Riku and Mickey there?!?!?!

e. This was actually so anticlimactic and boring. Why wasn’t Terranort/wtf-ever there to add some drama and tension? Why was it simply ‘grab Aqua, which can be done merely by having Sora show up and beat her up, even though Riku and Mickey got their butts kicked by her,’ ‘arrive very quickly and suddenly at Castle Oblivion,’ ‘unlock it,’ ‘go inside and wake up Ven’? Why was it so boring? It’s something we’ve been waiting for since 2010, and our reward for waiting 8 years is ‘ta-da! Boom, bam, done!’ Did a child write this?

2. The Requisite Romance Scene Before the Final Showdown

a. We have to really sell this romance, or else people will be pissed about the ending! Quick! Let’s have Sora and Kairi share a paopu fruit and leave their friend completely out of it! Riku doesn’t really matter, anyway. He’s not integral to the entire storyline like Kairi!

b. To make it clear, Riku was integral to the storyline while Kairi was not. Something I’ve already mentioned several times. So why in hell did Sora say he wouldn’t have gone through the things in the games if it wasn’t for Kairi, when that girl hardly entered the storyline at all? It was Riku who started the whole story off, Riku and Kairi both whom Sora was looking for in KH1, Riku only whom Sora looked for in CoM, Riku only whom Sora looked for in KH2, Riku only whom Data-Sora cared to run after, Riku only whose concerns made Sora go through the Mark of Mastery... but yes. It was only for Kairi that Sora went through the things he did. Riku, keep sitting on the sand all night while these two pretend you don’t exist. Perfect.

3. We Arrive and Everyone Fights Against Heartless

a. Is this what we came here for? Is this what Xehanort planned when he told us to come here? To sic a bunch of heartless on us? How does this in any way complete Kingdom Hearts? How does this in any way help Xehanort’s overarching goal? Hell, ignoring that, why would he sic heartless on us when we’ve defeated them a million times? How in god’s name do we fail against them this time????

b. Can I just say that it is beyond suspense of disbelief to have Kairi and Lea finish their fights before Sora? Or that the entire group would finish, see Sora still fighting, and then just run forward without him???

4. Terranort

a. How is he back? No, seriously, let’s look at this. He was brought from the past. But when you defeat Young Xehanort, he says he’s going to return to the past and live his life up to the present. But Terranort can’t do that! Which means Terranort can’t go to the past and stay on as Ansem the Wise’s apprentice. Which means he can’t trick the other students into becoming nobodies - so how is Saix there? How is Axel there as Axel? How do the others retain their memories of being Nobodies? He also can’t become a heartless or a nobody himself, since he’s not returning to the past to do so (because we save him instead of killing him)! So how the hell could Ansem and Xemnas exist??? You can’t argue about alternative universes because those haven’t been introduced in the plotline, and even if they had been, that still wouldn’t explain how this universe had an Ansem who took over Riku and a Xemnas who existed whatsoever. What the fuck.

b. Why in five flaming hells is he just waiting there at the beginning? No, again, I’m being serious. Why? To defeat the seven keyblade wielders? Why? They’re apparently needed to clash with the thirteen Xehanort clones, so why on earth is he there? For sad plotline feels?

c. Even that doesn’t make sense. After all, Aqua had all night to warn Ven about the state she’d last seen Terra in. Apparently, that was not a topic she thought necessary to bring up. Go figure.

d. How the fuck does Xehanort even have him??? All those who played Birth By Sleep, I can only assume you all have dealt with the same frustration and confusion as me. How did Xehanort retain control over Terra’s body after Lingering Will defeated him?? Because I did. Allllll the way back in Terra’s storyline, I defeated Terranort. So how did he show up in Radiant Garden? The blast of light (or whatever) from the end of the storyline should have, at the very least, turned him into a heartless. Right then. From the start. So how did he even survive long enough to get to Radiant Garden, let alone return to the Keyblade Graveyard? What had been the point of that final battle?

5. Lingering Will

a. I was waiting for him to show up. It makes less than no sense to have him only do so at Namine’s behest after Ven has already been KO’d by Terranort. That entire debacle in the Final World should never have occurred, simply because Lingering Will should have shown up the first time.

b. I laughed in disbelief when I saw Terra’s keyblade turn into a hooked whip and then a giant fuck-off gun. I already thought the transformations were pretty random, considering a keyblade is supposed to serve its own purpose and strength without needing to turn into a door or a frying pan or a pair of yo-yo’s, but to see Terra’s do the same thing when no one else’s had? Oof. Painful.

c. Lingering Will was Terra’s mind, but apparently he doesn’t need that to reconnect with his past body! (Even though it was never with said body; it was always separate, so...?!?!?!) Instead it disappears from the plotline (like so many other necessary details) and acted as KH’s version of Fallout’s Mysterious Stranger, apparently deciding to disappear to wherever said stranger goes after doing its duteous cameo.

6. That Entire Debacle With Everyone’s Hearts

a. There’s just... so much to unwrap here. The fact that it even happened, which I’ve already noted the plot failure there. The fact that Kairi needed protecting not once, but twice, only to fall, anyway. Is she even capable of being something other than a damsel in distress? (Looking at the rest of the story of this world, I can do nothing but snort at the fact that I even bothered typing out that question.)

b. The whole shit with Chirithy. We get it, KH. You want to peddle your stupid mobile game. (A game I’ve been playing for over a year now, like a good, dutiful KH player, only to find that the plotline shows up roughly once every 300+ “chapters.”) This Chirithy shit isn’t plot; it’s bullshit. Nice to know Kairi’s heart was definitely lost, though, because bullshit on that, too!

c. Why on earth are everyone’s hearts just hanging out on other worlds? Why are they in worlds I’ve specifically already gone to in this game? Why not any other worlds from any other previous games, or worlds I’ve never been to? Oh, yeah. To bring back the annoying shit from KH1, where you enter fragments of worlds for no reason in order to fight some random heartless. Is this plot?

d. The whole ‘Dive Into the Heart’ thing being the equivalent of ‘the power of waking,’ which is also apparently how Mickey could get into the Realm of Darkness (and here I remember Mickey saying he could only do that by being in a world when it fell to darkness! Silly me). Just admit you had no idea what the hell you were doing when you made up that ‘power of waking,’ Nomura. Shit.

e. Let’s go a bit farther, because the whole “Dive Into the Heart” thing was awful. Why is that a thing? Why do you need to ‘dive’ into a heart (which, he didn’t, he didn’t, he just dove into different worlds to find said hearts, wtf) in order to save it from... what? Death? Darkness?? What the hell even happened here-

f. How is Kairi fine and waiting for us??? This actually made me think Sora had fallen to darkness (or dreaming, or what the fuck ever), because how in hell was Kairi okay? Namine said flat-out that Kairi’s heart had been lost like the others, and that such was the reason why Sora had found her in Chirithy-Verse (it isn’t any ‘Final World,’ just as it isn’t anything I’m ever going to take seriously). So how was she perfectly fine and, uh, able to... uh... meet with him??? In some sort of... Heart Realm Between??? What happened there?!?!

g. I get that this floaty, hand-holding scene was supposed to once again peddle the romance in some last-minute bid to make us okay with the bullshit self-sacrifice move Sora bounces into with all the finesse of a Sequel Coming trailer, but all it did was piss me off (as every romance scene did in this shithole of a game). There has been next to nothing on the whole ‘romance’ thing other than us being told ad nauseum that it is a thing. If you can’t even give me normal, non-romance scenes between the two, then all it’s going to be is forced trollop that you expect me to swallow simply on your say-so. If you can’t give me a lead-up to the romance, don’t be surprised if you fail to sell it to me. And if you fail to sell the romance to me, then why the hell should I ever find any part of that ending all right?

7. The Time Ret-Conning

a. This one’s a minor gripe, so I’ll just say that I despised the multiple times the game acted as if the previous failures hadn’t happened. ‘Here you go; try again!’ It makes no sense when you realize Sora actually did things to ensure we got this second chance, even less sense, somehow, when you see that neither Sora nor anyone else acts any differently to rewatching the same thing happen all over again - like, what the hell kind of time travel bullshit is Nomura writing here? Is there any rhyme or reason to this shit whatsoever?

8. That Entire KHUX Fuckery

a. I honestly cannot believe we had to watch Sora get saved by Ephemer. A lot of people loved the cameo, but the cost to the storyline is far too high. Our main character needing rescuing in his Final Battle is always bad writing; what’s the point of watching the main hero’s growth if it turns out he still needs to be protected? This other character should have been the one we followed, not the one needing rescuing! And hell, what was the point of all that growth if, in the end, it still wasn’t enough? Simply based on storytelling, it was poorly done. But the fact that he got rescued by a long-dead (I hope; everyone has a bad habit of just living forever through Bullshit Time Mechanics) character from another KH game? Disgustingly shoddy. Thanks for nothing.

b. What the fuck was that triangle spam for??? I was there when the challenge came to KHUX, for those with the highest scores to appear in the game. I honestly thought their names would just be in the credits or something, because how could you possibly add them in without making it the most horrendous bullshit possible for a video game? Answer? You can’t. That entire thing is something I’ve been trying to delete from my memory since I saw it. What a fucking travesty.

9. "I Can’t Do This Alone”

a. You are literally talking to someone, your best friend, and saying you’re alone. What the FUCK.

b. What strength did you get from Kairi, you twit? Riku, on the other hand...!

TO BE FREAKING CONTINUED... Edit: I know Nomura is BS-ing some answers to pretend he didn’t fuck up. I don’t care.

#kingdom hearts rant #khiii rant #khiii spoilers #anti nomura #anti bad writing #omg you guys don't know the pain here #although if you see the length of this maybe you will #long post #anti kairi

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brightlotusmoon · 6 years

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Anyway, I had my first 2018 dream last night. I probably will do a fic once more episodes get under way. I'm waiting for more episodes before I start writing fics. Also I have, like, four fics for 2012 and 2003 that I need to finish or continue chapters on. Plus one for Darktober.

The fact that many fans are STILL WHINING about the specific changes in Rise means that we have a while to go before the 2018 fandom and the 2018 series becomes comfortable enough beyond the initial "THIS IS WEIRD AND OUTSIDE THE BOX AND EITHER TOO BIZARRE OR SURPRISINGLY FANTASTIC" reactions. I think both of these thoughts and totally accept the show. My very first reaction was "Whoa, damn, that is really really different and weird" and once I saw the action I fell in love with with the characters and the animations, although sometimes my epilepsy isn't so fond, but that's nobody's fault. I decided that it was too extraordinary not to turn away from.. I quickly got over the initial WTF of Splinter’s design once I reasoned that he was too much like Uncle Iroh from Avatar The Last Airbender if Iroh was selfish and dismissive because he never got over his Tragic Traumatic Past. He'd probably become a resentful slacking neglectful surprise parent who had no idea what he was doing with a bunch of kids and his kids probably grew up knowing of his trauma and not wanting to bug him much. But I believe he loved them completely while raising them into their teens. He most likely used their colors as nicknames, you know, Purple, Baby Blue - hell, there were already headcanons about nicknames like Little Blue, Little Red, Little Purple, Little Orange. It would seem they were confirmed. Also Leo is actually his favorite, and with Stage Three Leo had been trying dissuade Splinter by denying it. I had originally scolded Splinter for his color nicknames him just not paying attention, but I really think there epic reasons for everything Ratdad does in Rise. We will find out, slowly, probably in two parter episodes, as the series goes on. And speaking of that, fears about the Teen Titans Go influence are, well, wrong. Rise Of The TMNT is actually better than TTG, because of the character interaction, and the general storylines being mysterious enough. The design is a lot nicer, too. I watch TTG for the quotes, kinda a hate watch, because I use it for autistic echolalia and scripting, and ADHD husband and I will talk like Starfire at each other. Point is, I don't loathe TTG but I don't love it, and with that opi I say that TMNT 2018 is far more awesome.

We haven't even gotten to a cohesive storyline yet. My husband even wondered if it was just slices of life without an overall plot while watching Repo Mantis and Shell In A Cell. And he knows how much I hyperfixate on TMNT, he's been my resource for my fanfiction where I need to severely injure someone, describe quantum physics, discuss art history, and create visual art (he's a fucking mensch and jack of all trades, it's scary). Like, even though I'm writing two urban fantasy novels with autistic main characters, every time I bounce into the living room and start with "Hey so what would happen if" he grins and says "Is it for the Turtles?" and then I pout sweetly.

So far, we have ideas for overall plots: Splinter and his past and how he became his current character, which would include how he raised the boys. How Baron Draxum is how he is plus the birth of mosquitoes. How the boys met April. How they agreed on big brother Raph being default interm leader as Leo obviously was not ready yet and won't be til the second season. We already saw why they don't have their signature weapons. It's a good reason, seeing those weapons destroyed and finding magic ones and being too excited about those new ones. Besides, Raph can do just as much havoc wreaking with tonfa he could with sai - He has spikes, and his squishy desire to be protective is more suitable for smashing than stabbing, for once in the franchise his anger is controlled. Leo is fabulous with that odachi and excuse you have you seen how quietly sarcastic and snarky the past Leo versions have been, he's just letting it out while he can along with being the clever intuitive strategist we all know. Mikey can have more fun ramp up his supernaturally athletic prowess with his mystic whip that unleashes a fuckin fire spirit that I hope becomes his kitty friend, plus his goofball side is tempered by both his brothers sharing his hammy flamboyance and his soft sensitive, naive yet wise, ADHD with obvious RSD, and silly adorable sweet artistic creativity that he will obviously put into his weapon use. Donnie having his incredible beautiful tech bo and eventually getting that magic staff we saw in promos is truly epic and now I bet my husband will build his own tech bo, plus Don probably knows a ton of science that he could teach his excited brothers especially empathic Mikey.

(Holy run on sentences, Batman)

What I am getting at is that there is so much to explore and look forward to.

We're not there yet. The audiences of excited children need to first be appeased by silly hijinks and sweet adventures before we get to the meat and probably angst. Then we can get deep and deeper into actual hard-core plots.

So chill out, angry people. It's twelve minutes that you could ignore if you really want. The rest of the fandom will tell you when it gets better.

#Tmnt 2018 #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt headcanon #tmnt is my autistic special interest #musings on ninja turtles #writing ninja turtles as neurodivergent symbolism #mikey is my muse #mikey is a kickass ray of sunshine #mikey is smarter than they think #mikey is an iron woobie #i created this tumblr because of michelangelo #neuropsychology of michelangelo #michelangelo is adhd and autistic like me #michelangelo the social empath #neurodivergent mikey #neurodivergent donnie #i love them all equally #i love them so much #these good boys #look at these nerds #i'm married to a mikey and donnie type anyway #i am married to a donnie and mikey type anyway #oops i am going to torment mikey again #My fanfic #the sunshine child #the brightest fire #mikey the lifegiver #mikey the gymnast #mikey the artist #mikey is a trickster god

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bigloquatthoughts · 3 years

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Thoughts While I Watch The Nintendo Direct A Day Late

Thoughts on the Nintendo Direct: Yoko Toro is an interesting person, that card game looks interesting but Y wouldn’t I just play Talisman? Cool to see more isometric RPGS on switch.

Hyrule Warriors is fun! Age of Calamity is where I really fell in love with the musou formula again - I played a LOT of DW Empires 5, so taking over a map / doing stuff on a map before combat is fun. The silly weapons like the broom etc also make this really fun. I’ll gladly play more of this. the new scientist warrior looks sick! Who asked for Chocobo GP? This looks like Garfield Racing re-skinned and with better physics maybe. When they said Chocoboooooo! I was hoping for a Chocobo’s Dungeon. My buddy Ted got that game with his PS1 and we though it was soooo cool, especially after playing Azure Dreams on Gameboy.

Thanks for telling us when we can see the new Smash Fighter which is probably more Sword boy / Sword gorl why won’t you put any interesting fighters in this game I am moving to Smash Bros CatDog Edition. Kirby washing up on an island is the most unlikely thing for a being who summons giant warp stars to fly through the universe on but okay. this looks INCREDIBLE. Kirby + Nier vibes with the busted up environment. what bums me out is that we saw the same enemy like, 10 times in the first 10 seconds of that one area. The giant snakes / fish are cool, but lets see some more variation maybe 3D Kirby boss fights look pretty freaking fun! 3D Kirby looks pretty great. It will suffer from Kirby things and also be fun. I will play it.

Hey, don’t worry. We’ll tell you some things about Animal Crossing in October. Not now - but in October. U will have content in November. Just hold on pls, be on the lookout for all ur rotten turnips in ur house

Lets move on, to more stuff second free update for Mario golf, which I would LOVE to play but can’t afford rn. I played it at my neighbors the other day and it’s pretty damn good. new courses and seeing little ninji run around will be very fun. Cool, kid Disney game. Dope. Old Republic for Switch looks great! Dying Light 2: Mirrors Edge edition. Oh, we can play with other people? That seems fun. Do we scavenge together? The Control cloud game demo felt okay on my wifi, but IDK about these cloud games as something worth getting on the switch when PC’s are a thing?

Triangle strategy looks dumb, Disgea does that shit better now right? Metroid Dread looks really cool, excited to run from big robot and make Samus Very Strong Hopefully u get to crawl around as big robot at some point in the game. Love the lore dump we get. Dude, Chozo were here! That’s sick!

Many people have been using switch online… Oh, giving out their old roms gathering dust for “free,” with their current sub was too generous for Nintendo I suppose. New plan for N64 games seem sick - the playing together online thing is very cool. Starting library is standard but nothing too exciting. Very excited to see how the emulation handles these games in relation to how they behaved on the console, as all the cool sped running shit we see in these sorts of older games vary depending on the version of the game.

I’m more excited about the Genesis line up than I am about the N64 one, save those two games I don’t recognize. We get Castlevania, a Contra, some puyo, Beatem ups, and playing this version of Gunstar Heroes might sell more of the other one. Expansion Pack is a name.

Notice how Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon and Comix Zone are not on these lists? They are too afraid to give us the best of what both platforms have to offer and it’s a shame.

WIRELESS CONTROLLERS FOR $60 EACH? ARE THEY BLUETOOTH SO I CAN USE THEM WITH OTHER STUFF? WTF

I was just talking to my friends about the Shadowrun Isometric RPGs last night! Cool. Castlevania collection looks dope. Button mapping is huuuuge for me. Love that. An Almighty Classic Returns: Actraiser - even the SNES game was hella off my radar, this looks dope. I’m down to side scroll and then town build. Deltarune + Homestuck are games that I really really want to play but my depression is such that I just sit and stare at the starting screen and nothing happens. One day I will consume Toby’s works and be better for it. But until then, I’ll just be excited for my friends and listen to the baller soundtrack. god dammit I love that dog.

new story of seasons looks cool but Natsume is dead, no hope left cept for Stardew #doomer NAMCO Hamster - yes. Rune Factory 5 might be good on the switch. The 3DS versions were sooooo sloooowwwww for me. I’ve heard really good things about the franchise as a whole though. MARIO movie thoughts: THIS CASTING IS GREAT EXCEPT FOR CHRIS PRATT WTF. WHY IS HIMBO WHO HATES GAYS MY MARIO?

CHARLIE DAY AS LUIGI WAS WRITTEN IN THE FUCKING STARS EXCEPT HIS SHORTER THAN FUCKIN CHRIS PRATT, HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU MESS THIS UP. CHARLIE DAY AS MARIO AND CHRIS PRATT AS LUIGI BECAUSE HE BUSTS GHOSTS WHICH IS SUPER THEOLOGICAL ANYWAY GOD DAMN DUDE. THIS ISN’T THAT HARD.

KEEGAN MICHAEL KEY AS FUCKIN TOAD MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD. I AM SO EXCITED FOR THAT.

JACK BLACK AS BOWSER - WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MARIO BUT ANYTHING THIS MAN TOUCHES IS GOLD.

Movie is saved by Seth Rogan, I bet you 1 full bitcoin that DK saves this fuckin movie.

FRED ARMISEN AS CRANKY KONG IS ACTUALLY PERFECT. He is a real life hipster Cranky Kong and I love it. Dude playing Kamek looks familiar? Who is that

After seeing Wreck it Ralph, doesn’t Mario sound more like a Kenneth the Page than a Starlord? IDK man. Boomers are weird. Splatoon 3 looks cool, bummer it’s still 4v4 but whatever. the story mode for 1 and 2 were great aside from the difficulty spikes. stoked.

THE WAY THAT BAYONETTA IS REVEALED IS ONE PUNCH MAN TIER COMEDY.

Also, ya’ll spoiled it for us with the capcom font.

WAIT A GLOVED HAND PUNCHED, NOT A DEMON HAND? YOOOOO MOMMYYYYYYY THIS HAIR.

YOOO BUTTERFLY SHIT HELL YEAH

THERE IS MY BIG HAIR DEMON YES OH SHIT WE GET TO MEGA ZORD FIGHT WITH OUR DEMON?! THIS IS FUCKIN SICK

OH DIFFERENT DEMONS TO FIGHT WITH THIS IS SICK. THIS IS HOW I WANT POKEMON TO PLAY. 100% NOT JOKING. BAYONETTA: GODZILLA EDITION

HOLY SHIT THAT IS TIGHT

UHHHH IS DANTE GONNA BE IN THIS

WHO IS THAT BOI WITH THE SWORD

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Alright. There have been better directs, Christmas line up is looking p weak so far. Hopefully they can give us some bangers for holiday.

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gazzhowie · 3 years

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My Top 25 Movies of 2020.

It is indeed time… or at least, as is tradition, it is indeed now overdue for me to dust off the cobwebs from my Tumblr account and post my Top 25 movies of the year. This time for 2020. That funny old year, huh? Where - if some are to be stupidly believed - “no films got released because of the pandemic”.

I thought I was done with this after 12 years and concluding with my Top 25 of the decade effort and yet here I am. Back rather egotistically because 2 people told me how much they look forward to reading this. Go figure! Years 2008 through to present are available in the archive. Frequent visitors know that I’ll throw out a few special mentions to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make them fit yet believe they deserve a shout out regardless and then I get stuck in to what I think are the 25 best films of the year.

As always, films listed are based on their UK release date whether that’s in the cinema or on DVD, VOD etc. Anyway, without further ado, here’s the ‘also-rans’ and ‘near-misses’ separated per genre that very nearly made the final list:

Setting my stall out straight away, Steve McQueen’s Small Axe was very much TV to me and won’t get ranked within my film listing. I loved two of the efforts a great deal (Education and Mangrove), liked two but found them lacking (Red, White & Blue and Alex Wheatle) and did not get what everyone else seems to from the other (Lover’s Rock).

In terms of documentaries this year, I thought Frank Marshall did a fabulous job with The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart; a comprehensive study of the personal complexities and professional excellence of an incredibly underappreciated band. I found On The Record to be a difficult but inspiring watch and its background ‘politics’ exposed the hypocrisy of Ava DuVernay and Oprah Winfrey in a manner we’re not talking loud enough about. Hitsville: The Making of Motown was an extensive, lovely historical tribute to an era and a style of music, full of great tunes and equally great talking head anecdotes. And finally Belushi managed to find fresh angles and previously untold stories about one of the most mythologised comedy stars of all time, simply by pulling the man to the forefront ahead of his talents.

For dramas, I enjoyed Trial of the Chicago 7 a great deal and am an absolute sucker for the work of Aaron Sorkin but bad casting (Eddie Redmayne) and stunt casting (Sacha Baron Cohen) hurt this film. I’m a sucker for a disaster movie and Pål Øie made an incredibly entertaining one with the Norwegian high-melodrama, The Tunnel. Edward Norton’s long-gestating Motherless Brooklyn was a solid, old-fashioned PI yarn with some great casting to back it up. It’s the most alive Bruce Willis has been in years and it served to remind you that Alec Baldwin can be quite the terrific actor when he’s not being an utter joke of a human. I liked The Vast of Night a great deal when in the throes of watching it but liked it less in the aftermath. Cut Throat City was the underrated dramatic gem of the year in a lot of ways and showed that RZA has a great deal of skill as a legit filmmaker, when not being caught up in the ‘gimmicks’. O.G finally landed here via Sky Atlantic of all places, rather than any sort of VOD release, and it was an enthralling drama that served to remind us all how brilliant Jeffrey Wright can be when not overacting to the point of cringe or being stuck with really terrible writing (hello, TV’s Westworld!).

With the blockbuster season at the cinema all but dead from the outset, the joys of the action genre were to be found in the little b-movies tucked away on streaming platforms and VOD. Quick notable exceptions were The Outpost which was a reminder that Rod Lurie can deliver a hell of an action sequence, blighted by truly awful film-damaging casting and Extraction which was a well-directed derivative piece of hokum. Donnie Yen delivered an earnest, entertaining end to one of the surprise action franchises of the last decade with IP Man 4 that not even Scott Adkins could fuck up. Hack director Deon Taylor accidentally delivered Black and Blue; a pretty good ode to the ‘man on the run’ non-stop action thrillers of the 80s and 90s – with Naomi Harris killing it in the lead role. Netflix tucked away two of the greatest b-movie actioners of 2020 with The Decline (a ‘Doomsday Preppers’ training camp goes horribly wrong) and Earth & Blood (a sawmill owner uses his place of work as a battleground to take on the cartel). And, finally, the Ma Dong-seok (aka Don Lee) Taken rip-off Unstoppable arrived to streaming and turned out to be vastly superior to all of the films it was a knock-off of.

It was a great year for horror, especially if you were open to the sort of scares you were after. Sea Fever didn’t stick the landing but delivered an ace sense of foreboding and tension building for the most part. Harpoon was a sneakily nasty, surprisingly engrossing, violent little film. VFW was a lot of fun but nowhere near as good as its concept and cast suggested it was going to be. It’s also been subsequently marred by the stories coming out of its production and the revelations about Fred Williamson. I thought Come To Daddy was an absolute gift of a horror comedy that kept swerving whenever you thought you had a handle on where it was going. And Elijah Wood continues to show himself to be an American national treasure. After Midnight was an intriguing relationship drama with a horror bent and You Should Have Left, the Stir of Echoes reunion we’ve all long sought, would work as an off-kilter double-bill with it. Kevin Bacon is brilliant in it. Vampires Vs The Bronx is a totally disposable but immensely fun ode to The Lost Boys and The Monster Squad that’ll serve you well on a lazy Saturday night. Black Water: Abyss was a really good little creature feature with a ridiculous ending that infuriates. And Train To Busan: Pennisular was a pretty shit Train to Busan sequel but an immensely entertaining post-apocalyptic zombie action movie.

Onwards is worth mentioning for the fun and moving animated ride it initially presents as but, like too much Pixar nowadays, it does not hold up to repeat viewing.

Comedy-wise, I thoroughly enjoyed Bill & Ted Face The Music but thought its gag-rate was far too hit and miss for it to take a place on the top spot. Buffaloed was a kind of “M’eh” blue-collar Wolf of Wall Street with yet another fantastic ‘How the fuck isn’t she a huge star already’ turn from Zoey Deutch. Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made was a quirky out-of-leftfield oddity that me and my eldest son enjoyed a great deal. Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga was not the travesty you would’ve thought it’d be, mainly because of Rachel McAdams, but if Will Ferrell had just leaned a little harder towards his more absurdist style of humour (the killer fairy shit for example?) this could have been so much more. Finally, the second Borat film had some utterly majestic moments of cringe-comedy that make it worthy of a mention but the mechanics of joke-execution and faked set-pieces were far more on show this time around.

And now, if you’re still hanging in there that is, here is my actual Top 25 films of 2020…

25. Skyfire

I don't know whether it's because I’ve been starved of my usual 'Summer Silly Season' this year but I absolutely fucking LOVED this. It's the stupidest, most ridiculous, relentlessly bonkers "Jurassic Park - but with volcanos" fare you could ask for. I have no idea what the fuck Jason Isaac is doing in this but I’m so glad he is because it just adds to the glorious WTF-ery of it all. It's 30 minutes of mechanical lay-up followed by 60 minutes of non-stop, audacious carnage. It's been a long time since me and my wife have had this much fun watching something.

24. Bad Education

Dropped exclusively to Sky Cinema here, this is a great little film that has a shocking true story at its centre. Hugh Jackman and Allison Janney are absolutely terrific. Both of them are the sort of talents who've been in bad movies but never ever given a bad performance regardless.

Here both Jackman and Janney are having a ball with the material and they elevate a very good film into something that demands to be seen.

23. Blood Quantum

This was definitely one of the first-class b-movie horrors of the year for me. It does wonders on screen with very little AND it gives a shot in the arm to the zombie subgenre. It leads you into thinking you're getting yet another zombie-breakout film before expertly wrongfooting you into growing into something else. It's a Native American NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD meets MAD MAX!

22. Bad Boys For Life

This was a first-rate blast, it really was. From the inexplicable reusing of the 'Simpson/Bruckheimer' production card to the reworking of Mark Mancina's original theme, it draws you straight back to that 1990s blockbuster vibe. It's not just very funny and stacked with some pretty decent action sequences but, rather bizarrely, it actually has something interesting to say about ageing and masculinity... because nowadays Joe Carnahan is killing it when it comes to introspective recalibrations on what it means to be a man. If you were to spoil this movie for someone and reveal what the "twist" is it would sound like the stupidest, hokiest shit ever. And yet inexplicably they make it work. And furthermore, Martin Lawrence goes from the tag-along in this franchise to the platinum level MVP here. The entire final third is held up higher by his insanely good line delivery ("Would you fuck a witch without a condom?") and it's most likely how he plays shit as to why that stupid, hokey plot twist works as well as it does.

Over the course of three separate decades each BAD BOYS entry has, in itself, served to be a somewhat accidentally perfect reflection of the very cinematic decade it landed in: The first is possibly one of the last to truly and wholeheartedly successfully land that perfect marriage between the 'MTV era' and the blockbusters; bringing about the boom of the "music video director as filmmaker" that the 1990s became well known for. The second was a pitch perfect reflection of the gratuitous, often empty-headed, completely excessive pop culture period we were birthing in the 2000s. And the third lands now, right in the very time period where masculinity is being put under a spotlight and men are being asked to be more self-reflective about themselves and their conduct.

With that said, the fourth will obviously therefore land sometime in 2029 and deal with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence wandering a pandemic-ravaged Miami wasteland.

21. Wolfwalkers

This is one of the most lovely, visually wondrous, sumptuous animated films you'll experience this year. Or in quite some time, actually. It’s not just a great adventure film but it’s also a really effective ‘message’ movie that manages to teach about tolerance and friendship along with the perils of fear-mongering, without ever being overly preachy.

20. An American Pickle

This was one of the surprises of the year for me; I THOUGHT I was getting a quirky Seth Rogen fish-out-of-water comedy and instead I got that... with a massive dollop of heart, humour and interesting things to say about legacy and 'cancel culture'. I liked it a lot. It's also further evidence of how intriguing a talent Seth Rogen is becoming; jumping between broad commercial fare and original off-kilter stuff like this, producing and developing fascinating projects for film and TV and working to pass the ladder back down to others too.

19. Get Duked

I say this with only a modicum of bias as I know someone who worked a little bit on this film but this was genuinely brilliant - the absolute laugh-out-loud delight we all need right now. At the time I watched this I don’t think I’d smiled in nearly a fortnight but this broke through with me. Its wrap-up is a little too silly for its own good but that aside, this thing is absolutely stuffed with some TRULY great gags! This is one of the best comedies of the year for me.

18. Host

I had been giving this the big ol' swerve because it sounded like unoriginal, overhyped pish frankly and... fuck it, if that hype isn't absolutely deserved: It's a lean, effective, scary incredibly enjoyable ride. Made all the more fascinating by the fact it was made remotely on a shoestring with the director apparently never being in the same room as his cast at any one time due to Covid restrictions.

NB: I could not find a GIF to represent Rob Savage’s Host sufficiently so here’s Jack Black doing a backyard pandemic dance instead...

17. Sweetheart

What a crackin, lean, little horror thriller it is. It gets straight underway from its fade-up and never overcooks itself or leans hard on lazy exposition, silly character actions or bad deus ex machinas. Remember when Jonathan Mostow made BREAKDOWN and it felt like such a shot in the arm for the man-against-the-odds/standard thriller? This is like that - but for survival dramas and creature features! It commits fully to its high concept, helped along by a truly excellent performance by Kiersey Clemons and some really well-delivered set-pieces (that first flare scene is very well done!). If you watched Tom Hanks in CASTAWAY and thought to yourself "This film is great but what it really needs is a monster!" then this is definitely the film for you. And if you believe the rumours, it’s allegedly a sneaky Creature From The Black Lagoon redo for Blumhouse’s expanding ‘Monster Universe’ too.

16. Soul

I really connected with this. I like Inside Out a great deal but I’ve never understood why it's spoken of as a flawless masterpiece when it's overlong, tonally all over the place and has clunky as fuck casting. In the same breath, I don't understand why the reviews for this are so disparate. I thought it was a wonderful way to spend 100+ minutes. It was visually inventive, funny and inspiring. It doesn't quite seed its VERY deep otherworld-building foundations and Graham Norton doesn't really work in his role but overall I thought it was a delight. And, unlike Onwards, it really does lend itself to repeat visits.

15. Tenet

I had real trepidation about seeing this what with the reviews being all over the place but... well... Is it complete, barely comprehensible bunkum of the highest order? Yes. Could the film have benefited from Nolan letting his brother Jonathan have a pass at the script? Hell yes! Is it most definitely not the majestic masterpiece of masterpieces it thinks it is? Yup. Yet in spite of ALL that I had an absolute blast with it, I really did. If you give it a seconds thought it crumbles completely as the utter egotistical piffle it really is. But where it excels is in looking so gorgeous, being so kinetic and massive with its action and casting with actors who sell the shit out of a hokey script that you're so consumed with the spectacle you don't smell the bullshit until its over. Washington Jr has come out of nowhere these last few years to make me a big fan of his work - and Robert Pattinson has went from being an actor I couldn't fucking abide to being someone I now really rate and who I came away from watching this thinking "Yeah, that's your goddamn perfect James Bond right there!"

14. Da 5 Bloods

It works infinitely better as a 'men on a mission' action adventure shot through the off-kilter lens of a Spike Lee "joint" then it does as a searing commentary about race, war, etc. And that's probably why Spike's choice to include real war atrocity photos and documentary footage alongside the narrative doesn't land as successfully as he probably intended it to. But as an overall film, it's a genuinely great watch. Delroy Lindo has always been one of the greatest working actor. Here he perhaps delivers his ultimate masterclass. Regardless of whether awards season moves online or not, you cannot have any SERIOUS dialogue during it that doesn't have his performance heading the conversation. Ignore the dickheads online putting this in the same bubble as TROPIC THUNDER or DIE HARD (??). This is a wink and a nod to TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE and APOCALYPSE NOW, through and through. It's big, bombastic, broad and unafraid to swing out in every direction. It's not flawless but that doesn't mean it's not fuckin ~great~!

13. His House

This very much stands as both one of the most impressive debuts and modern horror movies I’ve seen in quite some time. It's an effective, lean, interesting film that buries under your skin and takes up residency there. Go into it knowing as little as you possibly can and then let it scare the shit out of you and, in its reveals, kick the shit back into you.

12. Tread

I really, REALLY liked this. It's my favourite documentary film of this year - made by that fella who did the bonkers-bad killer dog in the warehouse movie with Adrian Brody, no less! It's an absolutely fascinating true story I knew nothing about, brilliantly intermingling talking heads, archival news footage, dramatic reconstruction and audio recordings. It'll really drop your jaw - it's most definitely one of those 'needs to be seen to be believed' type deals because if you described this to someone as having happened they'd never believe you!

11. Bacarau

No plot description really does this film justice and the less you know going in the better an experience you’ll have. It’s an odd, deeply violent, unsettling, darkly funny, bizarro confection of The Most Dangerous Game meets Assault on Precinct 13 and… well… even that doesn’t really do the film any justice whatsoever. It’s a critique of dire political circumstance mixed with political satire mixed with the tropes of the Western, the siege movie and both horror and comedy. It’s very much its own thing. And that’s what makes it so wonderous.

... and it’s sort of both wondrous AND weird that when searching for Bacarau related GIFs, this was the Brazilian offering I was given! I apologise.

10. Alone

I found this came out of nowhere to be one of my favourite films of the year; a crazily efficient, brutal B-movie without an inch of fat on it that works its propulsive and well-structured screenplay hard to make you feel like you're seeing a new variant on the "stalked woman in peril" film. John Hyams - son of Peter and the man who reconfigured the UNIVERSAL SOLDIER franchise to superb effect - has made one hell of an effective movie that beautifully captures the vastness of the Pacific Northwest: this is one part DUEL, one part FIRST BLOOD, all parts odes to everything from THE GREY, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and the last third of THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. It's very easy to make films like this. But it's clearly hard to make them as great as Hyams has done here, otherwise everyone would be doing it. Maybe coz what those films don't have is lead performances as strong and brilliant as Jules Willcox and Marc Menchaca give here.

9. American Murder: The Family Next Door

This is an incredibly powerful true crime documentary on a horrific tragedy, in which Jenny Popplewell tightly and clinically weaves through police interviews, news coverage and Shanann Watts' phone, laptop and social media to weave a moving and ultimately devastating portrait of her and her children's death at the hands of one of the worst forms of evil I’ve ever been exposed to. This still haunts me to this day.

8. Greyhound

I was really impressed with this. A crisp, lean, tension-drenched watch with yet another rock solid Tom Hanks performance centring it. It strips back all the tropes of these war pictures - the character backstories about post-war hopes and dreams, the cutaways to the families back home, the subplots involving the villains - and keeps a propulsive commitment to just this situation, this boat and the people on it; who only talk to one another about the job they're doing. As a result, it's completely involving and committed with action set-pieces that are clean, tense and entertaining as hell. Genuinely had a great time watching this and highly recommend it.

7. #Alive

Whilst the TRAIN TO BUSAN sequel earned rightfully shakey reviews, think of this as an unofficial prequel / 'side-sequel'. It is a tight, disciplined thrill-ride that throws up some interesting spins on old zombie set-pieces (climbing zombie vs. toy drone, for example). It may well deflate as it heads to its denouement but all before it was strong and entertaining enough for it to stand as one of his favourite horrors from this year.

6. The Invisible Man

This started good... then got very good... then got quite frankly flat-out tremendous and then entered a final third flipping anyone the 'bird' who thought that the trailers gave too much away. There is some truly tremendous, inventive and not at all 'cheap' jump scares. In fact, the whole second act is nothing else BUT terrifically effective scare after scare. All bolstered by a REALLY committed lead performance by Elizabeth Moss. Between this and UPGRADE, Leigh Whannell has not only become seriously one to watch but he's possibly just outed himself as John Carpenter's one-true heir.

5. Lynn + Lucy

I was left completely broken by this - what a truly fantastic piece of British cinema; a dark, uncompromising morality play for the modern age with a truly jaw-dropping performance by Nicola Burley. And, Jesus Christ, what an unbelievable find Roxanne Scrimshaw is?? THIS is her acting debut? Holy SHITBALLS! It's harrowing stuff that'll really make you think.

4. Parasite

This really is absolutely ~everything~ people are claiming it to be and more too! It's an exquisite piece of work, in love with the art of spinning out a story, narrative layers, sociological parables and effortlessly terrific direction. It builds and builds in an utterly enthralling manner and then... the pressure valve pops, taking you down a whole other audacious avenue that'll have you giggling at the insanity but still completely hooked.

3. Uncut Gems

It’s alright been memed and GIF’d to death but that doesn’t change the fact that it really is an astounding film - it's completely exhausting and quite honestly one of the most anxiety-inducing films I’ve seen in a long, long time. Even on multiple go-arounds, I found myself screaming at the screen, begging Adam Sandler's character to just fucking STOP for five seconds and... and... it's inescapable as to the direction down in which it heads but it goes there at such a propulsive rate, it is actually scary. An absolutely astounding film - it's like a John Cassavetes film shot with the adrenaline drawn from a Michael Bay action movie... and believe every bit of the buzz: Adam Sandler is jaw-droppingly fucking excellent in this!

2. Wolf of Snow Hollow

I thought this was a complete delight. Once again Jim Cummings has taken a film 'type' you THINK you know and infused it with his own very specific sense of humour to give us something that's very much delightfully off-kilter. What's more, as a sophomore directing effort, Cummings deserves all the plaudits for the massive advancement: There's action scenes and scary set-pieces that are really first rate and are way more accomplished than what you'd expect from someone only on their second movie and have never worked in the horror genre before. Cummings is REALLY funny in the lead role too but it's Robert Forster's final performance that'll break your heart. He was a hard miss anyway but this very much drives home what a great guy we've lost.

1. The Way Back

Gavin O'Connor has hit the trifecta with this, Miracle and Warrior on making a masterful sports drama and using it as a platform to 'say something' and draw a career best from a talented but under-appreciated actor (first Kurt Russell, then Nick Nolte and now Ben Affleck).

Affleck is astounding here. Fallible, real and pained. He's truly brilliant. There’s a realism to every movement he makes and every breath he exhales that only someone who has struggled with addiction will recognise. And around him is a deconstruction of the sporting underdog movie as we know it - it's only by the end that we truly realise that this has always been about the connections made through the game rather than the game itself.

Like with Warrior, you can go back and watch this umpteen times and find different strokes in the human and unspoken moments. If ever there was a secretly feel-good film for 2020 it is this – the movie that tells us that it doesn’t matter how hard or how far we fall, we are defined only by the moments in which we rise again.

And that’s that. See you all next year. Maybe ;)

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mayphenix · 6 years

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The humour killed Thor:Ragnarok for me

I... didn’t dislike the movie, I actually enjoyed it but what has been called the “best part” of the movie and what everyone has been enjoying just killed the entire movie for me. It was too much, all the time. I’m all for light-hearted jokes, the marvel way but it was too much and I didn’t feel like I watched a Thor movie at all, more like a mix of lots characters vaguely attached to Thor thrown together into a comedy movie, or a joke of an epic movie. There were lots of good points, and some bad points.

More under. Spoilers warning.

I’m going to start with how much of a fan of the Thor franchise I am. Thor is my favorite Avenger, Loki is my absolute favorite character of the entire MCU, I adore the universe of Thor, the Thor movies were my favorite and it was mostly because it was so different from everything else from Marvel. We had some gods, seen differently, heroes, space, epicness and I loved it all - the family drama, the deities different from the myths but still interesting, I absolutely love it all. Perhaps I had too many expectations for this movie but I was going to the theater knowing I might be disappointed because over timewhen we saw new stuff for this movie, so many things didn’t seem right with the accumulation of characters, old and news, of stories to explain and introduce in this final movie and most especially, the obvious emphasis on humour the entire movie has been promoted with. I was worried, but I went in the theater positive. Thor franchise, and Loki being my favorite character and everything I expected from this movie might make this review a little biased but... well.

About the good points:

- The special effects. I don’t think I need to give an entire speech on that, everything was absolutely beautiful and breathtaking and phenomenal. The opening battle? Amazing, the sequence with Mjollnir was WOW. So, nothing disappointing with the special effects, if anything, it was even more amazing than usual.

- The battles. All great, good fighting, good characters, the only problem being that when it was final, epic battles...the epicness died because it was stopped with some joke.

- The new characters: I absolutely love Hela, Valkyrie and even Krudge (if that’s his name?) All amazing characters who can fight, various, POC, with ptsd, I love it. They even go through some character development in the movie but it felt a little rushed at times - I would have wished for Valkyrie to at least appear like she considered joining Thor’s team a little more BEFORE doing it because it just felt sudden and because she didn’t know what else to do with the Grand Master’s ultimatum?

- Our beloved old characters: some were well used, some not so well. Loki was the only fully satisfying character who was all mischief and more to his true-self than the dramatic, traumatized character we’ve seen so far without disgarding what had happened to him and the depth of his character. Thor was charming with his sense of humor but it felt to me like he was belittled. He’s a god, he’s a freaking god, he’s a PRINCE. But too often he appeared like the big, friendly dork and it’s annoying. The good thing about Thor is that he really seemed concerned about the universe, Asgard, its people and his motivations wasn’t because of Jane like previous movies, it seemed more... realistic, for a royal god. I’m not an enormous fan of Banner and the Hulk, but he’s sweet, and he still is in this movie but..ultimately I don’t feel like he played a huge part in the movie, like he had any significant importance. It was more “oh we haven’t seen the Hulk in a while let’s add him here”. Yes, he helped espcae and fought Fenris but it wasn’t that epic in my opinion, I expected more of their fight. But other than that? What did he do? Make jokes, make people laugh but that’s it? He asked about Nat but 5mn after meeting Valkyrie he’s all “she’s strong, she’s beautiful” so... wtf? Odin was here, but I feel like his end was too quick - we didn’t have a quick explanation on what really happened, how he felt, he just “all right my sons, a hel of a trouble is coming because I messed up again, be ready” and then he went into fairy dust in the sky. I cried at his death, but mostly because he called Loki his son, and he treated both as equals despite everything that had happened. Heimdall had his importance but because he was the only character who seemed to take things seriously, he felt out of place. The Warrior Three...how could they kill them off like that? We barely saw them, barely recognize them and oops, dead at Hela’s feet. I get it, she’s powerful but they’re some of the strongest warriors of Asgard. They could have had at least a bit of a fight to end in a glrious battle not... that.

- The plot and twists: I didn’t want Hela to be Loki’s daughter because it would have come out of nowhere so I’m glad of what they did, but once again, I would have wished for more explanation tha just “she’s Odin’s first born turned evil”. Like...who is her mother? What happened? No more details on how he banished a first child and erased her memory from all of Asgard? Why is she so freaking powerful if she’s “just” his daughter?? I need more than just what we were given. The final twist with Ragnarok being the only way to defeat her, that LOKI was the one to cause it directly, that Asgard was a people and not a place - I LOVED IT! It was totally unexpected so I loved how it turned out.

- I’d need to rewatch the movie to fully enjoy the depth of this point but I think that there were lots of hidden political critiques and stuff said in this movie, laying behind everything, which ought to be taken in consideration more fully but like I said, I’d need to watch it more to understand it all.

- I’ll finish with MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS MOVIE: LOKI AND THOR (kinda) RECONCILIATION! THey finally talked, they finaly came to terms with it all and there are already several posts about how perfectly done it was made so just... Thank you for finally bringing them back together as a team and brothers. That’s all I wanted for this movie, with the hope they won’t ruin it all again in Infinity Wars...

The bad points:

- HUMOUR EVERYWHERE. Except maybe a few lacks of details here and there which can be forgiven with the length of the movie and its final cut, the really only one and big problem is the constant presence of humour. I like little jokes, I laughed at several of them. At hte begining it was great and all. Loki’s reactions mostly were hilarious, the button pushed when they escpae and it provokes firework that was good too. But the rest of ti? It insisted too much, it constantly came back, it ruined the moods, it just felt off, it wasn’t even fun. Where do I even start? The sexual jokes were... too much, like I thought it was a family movie? Why do you talk about orgies, and anus, and that thing Valkyrie did with her hips? Where did it come from? Not necessary. The ridiculness of these jokes too - Thor throwing a ball that rebounced and put him down? Nope. Banner jumping down for an epic landing as the Hulk but landing on his face? *heavy sigh*, the end of Asgard and we have some silly lines ruining the intensity of the moment? At this point of the movie I just couldn’t handle these stupid lines that weren’t even fun anymore. The final epic battle got me sighing ALL THE TIME because there was always some stupid moment put here to make you laugh when it’s not the moment to be funny but the moment to fight and be heroes. It’s a superhero movie, not a comedy. It’s Thor’s final movie, not a joke! It’s freaking Ragnarok, not good-hearted playtime!

- Because of this forced and too heavy humour, I feel like the middle of the movie in Sakaar or whatever it’s called is way too long for what it’s worth. It was too much humour and in the end the final battle felt rushed. Perhaps it was just because it was constantly cut because of the stupid jokes, but it felt like because there had been so much in the midlde for Sakaar, some fights for the final battle were finished very quickly (I’m mostly thinking of Fenris VS Hulk, Skuge’s comeback, Hulk VS Surtr (if you can call that a battle), Surtr period, Loki period...)

- The Guardians of the Galaxy vibe. Dont get me wrong, I love the colors and I love the GotG. But it was supposed to eb a Thor movie and it didn’t feel like one... I barely heard Thor’s theme, it was only all about this colorful planet and atmosphere but it was so similar to GotG that well, it took away what made Thor franchise unique in its own way: it’s not a superhero from Earth, he’s a god and prince from a majestic place, it’s epic and royal and deeper than just “the god of thunder swinging a hammer”. THAT’S what I like about Thor, the multidimensions used for his movies, character and universe that made it apart from the rest of the Avengers movies and the GofG. But adding such a GofG vibe twisted the universe of Thor we had so far that was unlike any other.

Questionable points:

I’d need to rewatch the movie a few times, but there were a few things that seemed rushed...and a few things that were probably deeper than a first viewing allows you to conceive with Waititi’s directing and what he tried to express through this movie (too bad people only remember how ‘fun’ it was, uh) and I’d like to think moer about the parallels made between Odin/Hela and Thor/Loki and basically, everything that had some sense and wasn’t taken as a joke.

Conclusion

...It could have been worse. I had my fears, it could have even been an epic end for the Thor franchise. If the constant, out of place, ridiculous humour (that really..didn’t make me laugh that much) hadn’t ruind the epic, emotional moments.

#i'm still bitter #i was crying tears of disappointment and bitterness at the end damn it #thor #loki #thor ragnarok #marvel #review #valkyrie #hela #hulk #bruce banner

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cupcakeshakesnake · 7 years

Text

Watching Oxygen for the first time

(A bit late, but still, spoilers)

-”Space, the final frontier.”

-REALLY DOCTOR

-YOU HAD TO OPEN THE EPISODE WITH A STAR TREK QUOTE DIDN’T YOU

-IT’S NOT EVEN YOUR OWN FRANCHISE

-well at least the rest of the lines are different

-This reminds me of the movie Gravity

-Okay, if there’s something I did learn from that sorta-scientifically-incorrect movie, it’s that you NEVER EVER pant in space. You end up spending too much oxygen.

what the?

hELL?!?!

FUCK NO WHY

-Okay, lemme just add ‘space zombies’ to the list of horrrible things we have seen so far in Series 10 alone.

Omfg he drew a rocket

-”So how does space kill you?”

-”Don’t hold your breath or your lungs will explode.” Didn’t Arthur Dent hole his breath or do I need to re-read the book

Oh, he was drawing a skull, oh that’s clever

-Please don’t let it be foreshadowing

-”What’s this got to do with crop rotation?” “I don’t know, space is great, isn’t it?”

So I think it was pretty much confirmed that Missy is going to be in next week’s episode, which makes me think that it’s pretty much her who’s in that vault.

-”Too much between you and the outside and you might as well stay home. To really feel it, you need the space equivalent of a wafer-thin sleeping bag and a leaky two-man tent.“ “Got any reviews?“ "What?” "You know, like for restaurants. Waiter was a bit handsy, lasagne gave me "Two stars.” "Strangely, no.”

-Maybe the Doctor should be the Campsite Reviewer of the universe when he retires.

-*alarm noises* “That’s my theme tune. Otherwise known as a distress call.”

-Hahaha, silly Doctor. That’s not your theme tune.

-Your theme tune doesn’t go beep beep beep, it goes dooooweeedoooooooo.

-Either that or the BBC should use the beeping sound as the intro for the next episode.

CAUGHT IN THE ACT

-BUSTED!!

-”I saw through your cunning ruse.”

Rule #1: The Doctor lies.

-Soooo how big is the Tardis’s big-enough-for-a-stroll air shell, exactly? Like one step forward after a certain distance, then you could suddenly run out of air?

-”Space doors are supposed to go shk-shk, not urrrrr.“

I love Series 10 dialogue so much

-Have I told you how much I love Series 10 dialogue

Ah yes the plastic human taxidermy

“Sooooo... Back to the Tardis?”

-Love that part

-The corpse is starting to get to me

-THIRTY SIX DEAD?!

-”OkAY thennnn back to the TARDIS, LoVELy in there, nIcE and cOZY”

-Please don’t let this be Silence in the Library the Sequel

b O N K

a A A A A A

l o l

-”Do people ever hit you?” “Well, only when I’m talking.”

-OH SHIT THEY’RE EXPELLING THE FUCKING OXYGEN

-Why did the Tardis door close though

-Was it to stop additional air escaping from the Tardis

h a i r

*Doomsday flashbacks*

Wouldn’t the Tardis get stuck in the doorway though

-”The Tardis is on the other side of that.” ”Yes, I was really hoping that someone would state the obvious.“ “Vacuum behind it, can’t open it.” “Oh, you’re on a roll.”

-”Nothing to worry about.” “Really?” “Yes, not for several minutes.”

wHAT THE FUCK

-How did it pull the sonic screwdriver towards it?

-7256403 0 days since you last broke your sonic

-”What if you’re wrong?” “Well, we’ll be horribly murdered!”

“Walking Dead: Into Space”

-I find myself breathing along with them.

-One thing good about me is that even when I become aware of my breathing, I can divert my attention to something else and become unaware again fairly quickly.

-”Great, we rescued a racist.”

-But if the employees get paid by oxygen, wouldn’t they just go look for another job that actually pays them where they can breathe freely?

-Or are they pushed to the extreme where they’re forced to work or suffocate and doesn’t have any alternative

-THE FUDGE D’YOU MEAN, FAULT IDENTIFIED

-WHAT THE HECK, ARE THEY BREAKING IN

-Every single Series 10 episode so far was a nightmare in some way and so is this one

-They’re really putting in every

-”Please remain calm while your central nervous system is disabled.” LIKE HECK YEAH I’D BE SO FUCKING CALM IF I WAS BEING BRUTALLY MURDERED BY A SPACESUIT, WHAT A CALMING SENSATION OF DEATH AND ELECTRICITY

-”Don’t throw up in helmet then. Check.”

-...shit?

-SHIT?!?!

-BILL?!??!!?!11one!!?!

-BILL NO DON’T YOU DARE DIE ON ME

-YOU’RE NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH THE SEASON YET BILL

-BILL!!!!!!

-WTF IS GOING ON

-DID THE DOCTOR TAKE OFF HIS HELMET

-WHAT THE EVER LOVING SHI-EEEET

Ah, delicious irony.

-”He died?” ”He should have done. I don't know how he survived.” Timelord powers

-Too early for regeneration, yes? Please?

-”He’s in Section Twelve.” HA GET IT BECAUSE HE’S THE TWELFTH DOCTOR

DAFUQ

-”You’re blind.” “Oh, that explains the bruised shins.”

-WHAT

-WHY

-TEMPORARY MY ASS (I got spoiler’d on Tumblr, really, too bad. Could’ve been a good plot twist for me)

-”I think I've got some spare eyes somewhere. They're from a lizard, but I'm sure they'll fit.”

-(How did they do the blurry eye effect? Did they use contact lenses?”

-”What’s happening?” “Guess.”

-”Great, i get fined for dying.”

Please give the owl his sight back.

-SHIT NO??? IS BILL DEAD?? I THOUGHT SHE LIVED?!?!?!

-Kudos to Peter Capaldi for that blind acting

-Something bad always happens when the Doctor is in a spacesuit.

-Once, he got possessed by an angry planet, shot fire from his eyes and had to be put in a freezer.

-Then, he almost messed up a timeline by pulling a Martian team out of their supposed time of death.

-The other time, he fell from way outside of the atmosphere in a spacesuit, he was okay but had his helmet on backwards.

-He also had something to do with the moon that was actually a giant egg.

-”Are you of your mind?” "Er, yes, completely, but that's not a recent thing.”

-This is a suicidal plan. And especially more suicidal than his normal plans. It’s really dark...

Oh my god...

-(At least the team gets to live.)

YAAAASSS

How did they do that, again? Also, I thought his eyes were blue?

-I’m just gonna lie to myself and think he can see again

-At least it looks normal again

-”The universe is your crrrustacean.”

-What does that even mean

-”Promise me you’ll be loud.”

-Why is he wearing shades

-”Doctor, why are you suddenly wearing shades all the time all of a sudden?” “Oh, I just thought it would be cool. I’m definitely still not blind.”

-”You need to be here, and you need to be READY if that door ever opens!” You mean there’s a chance of whoever/whatever is inside it breaking out?!

-”What if you came back injured or sick? You really think our friend down there won't know that? Won't sense it?“ Whoever’s down there is connected to the Doctor in some way (obviously.)

-99.9% of theories suggest - no, INSIST - it’s Missy down there but I’m still open for all possibilities

-”LOOK AT ME!” “Nardole, I can't. I really can't! I can't look at anything ever again. I'm still blind.”

-*sobs quietly*

-Okay, that line was delivered really well, and I love how they blacked out the screen when he said “I’m still blind,” as if the viewers themselves went blind as well.

-BUT IMAGINE THE ‘OH SHIT’S I’D HAVE WRITTEN IF I WAS UNAWARE OF THIS FACT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING

-IMAGINE THE PLOT TWIST HITTING ME LIKE A COLD SODA HITS YOUR THROAT

-DAMMIT

-Welp, still looking forward to the next episode (which, I think, comes out later today or tomorrow, depending on time zones.)

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