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athousandbyeol · 9 months

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discussion #10 (only friends): topboston's car scene is proof that mew IS top's ultimate weakness [episode 3 recap]

it was devastating. that car scene. but aside from the hot and steamy exchange topboston shared in the now-broken car, there are a few things i want to point out in episode 3 (in general), and also the important topboston scene that is the start of top and boston's downfall.

this post was written right after i woke up. therefore, i apologise for the incoherence.

as always, please take my discussion posts with a grain of salt.

let's begin.

mew could've saved top from a (destined) rebound of insecurity

i think mew could've prevented the topboston car sex from happening if he let top stay the night, or at least let him in his room for a while. because we know top was willing to go to lengths just to be the best version of himself to mew. he was willing to change and serve mew whenever he could.

i think, at this point, top's feelings for mew have grown into something quite complex and profound, but his approach is somewhat hesitant and a bit forceful (?) as he insists mew is his boyfriend even though they haven't gone official, especially since mew said they 'aren't boyfriends yet.' nonetheless, it's sad to see top's persistence is only valid when he's trying to prove a point to everyone else but mew. he tried showing this 'mew's my boyfriend'' agenda to mainly, ray, his sole opponent, the trigger of top's insecurity and fear.

however, i also believe, along the line, mew has developed trust in top, possibly thinking top might've become a better person and sensed top's behavioural change (mainly sincerity) after they spent more time together. the silent disco scene was very crucial as the lyrics are a foreshadowing to many things: 1) mew isn't the good guy we (the audience and the friend group, top included) perceived him to be (he didn't sing some parts of the song, will be explained after this), and 2) top's death, even though i despise entertaining the idea there will be main character death in p'jojo's works, instead of thinking of this as literal death, i want to believe (for now), it's the 'death' of top's egoistic/confident/brash personality and his previous lifestyle. at the end of the drama, he might no longer be the villain as he finally accepted and embraced the better side that mew helped top discover.

sidetrack: a foreshadowing of topmew's future dynamic?

top sings this line;

this line;

and this line;

mew sings only this line (sorry because this screenshot isn't doing the scene justice);

and topmew sing this line together;

who's the he in this context? i don't have the slightest idea. it might be the 'new' top, or it's just mew finding/taking comfort in celibacy again (i wrote a prediction post for every pairing's ending here if you're interested to read it).

anyway, this is something we have to keep in mind. the foreshadowing in this scene alone is INSANE. but i regress by saying they're the absolute cutest and fluffiest doofus in this scene. top was having so much fun with mew and vice versa. they're enjoying each other's company. the smile on top's face was so bright, and the glint in his eyes was so vibrant. top looked sincerely happy with mew, and i like that a lot. //yet this scene teared me up when i was retrieving the screenshots. it broke me again. they could've been so happy without anything else coming their way. :( can't my babies be happy for once? goodness.

discomfort and distrust; top lost the battle with himself

in the car, top looked queasy. he was anxious from the small talk he had with boston in the kitchen. and he projected that frustration to ray as he insisted on taking his boyfriend home. in one way or another, top might not want mew to mingle with ray any longer, especially since mew was a bit tipsy and he was afraid that mew and ray would do something more than just acts of friendliness. however, top didn't save himself from the cunningness of boston's trap as he thought he had things under control.

again, as i mentioned in many of my discussion posts, top takes immense pride in himself and he won't let anyone topple that ego of his because he's the fcuking top tanin- everyone bowed down to him and worshipped him because of his impeccable skills in bed.

side note: this truly breaks my heart because it seems everyone only sees top as one thing: a sex God. that stranger (i don't want to address him by his name because i'm just very petty) who walked to top and freaking said all those bullshits in front of mew— in my eyes, top appeared guilty almost, and uncomfortable for letting mew witnessed and listened to 'the real' top from a stranger that once accompanied his sleepless night.

top was fidgety and tried to invert mew's attention elsewhere, not on him—

—which is ironic, considering he always enjoyed the attention/interest people have in him. but with mew, it's always different.

side note (2): again, why the hell does everyone think they know top better than he knows himself? this somehow shows top's struggle of understanding/determining/differentiating his truest identity as people only perceive him as a pleasure-giver and NOTHING more. what people say tends to get into our heads, and it's not weird if top believes that he's just this and nothing else.

but mew helps him see that he's capable of making mew happy, of taking care of mew and being the best version of himself; this assumption is waiting to be proven when top says, "but with mew, i just want to make you as happy as possible." it looks like top has found a purpose in life— he wants to make mew happy. he wants the person he loves to be happy. //that's so heartbreaking just to think of it...

back to the car scene, i don't know how the hell boston got that video of mewray (possibly) kissing, but that was just a nominal and lowly move from boston.

that was disgusting (insert the lee minho meme), and it showed just how evil boston is. he didn't care if mew and ray were his friends or whoever, as long as he got what he wanted— top's attention/trust/d*ck— he was willing to backstab his so-called-friends. he really used the one thing top was afraid of— the truth behind mewray's closeness— to manipulate top.

additonally, as mew had this vision of top in mind (confident, self-centred, etc), top also had this image of mew in mind (nice, helpful, etc). i guess he had always seen mew as the kind/naive/innocent type, especially since he wore that white wristband (a potent indication that mew was never really interested in romantic relationships and anything messy)—

—the first time they met. so top was afraid of the allegations coming true— perhaps mew wasn't a virgin, after all. it was all a lie. was mew lying to him all along?

notably, this also didn't come from mew's mouth— his virginity.

it's always the topic that BOSTON and mew's friends (chueam, i love you, but this shouldn't be a concern to you, really) brought up, showing just how insecure he was in that one thing mew STILL possessed, a charm that lured top into wanting to have a romantic/steady relationship with mew and ignored boston's constant cry of convincing top 'they are the same'. and how contradicting? boston said himself— mew is a 'sweet' virgin (retrieved from episode 1 part 1). so the video he showed to top can possibly be edited. //if it's true, fcuk you, boston. fcuk you.

when he saw the clip, top asked when it happened, and boston answered 2 years ago. here, we can already draw a conclusion that (if it was legit), it happened ONLY ONCE, and it wasn't a recurring thing because, a throwback to ep 1, mew clearly said, "i'm not someone like boston."

if mew was boston, it would've been more than just once— whatever mew was proclaimed to do with ray. but we know mew is a man of his own. he has always been so comfortable with celibacy. however, top's judgement was rather clouded and bugged because 1) he didn't trust mew fully (as mew didn't trust him previously), 2) he was insecure because mew might still choose ray over him, and 3) the idea of mew doing it with ray while being in this undefined relationship with top was bruising his ego/pride. so he allowed boston to do his way with top, because top felt he was losing control of himself. and the only thing that could help top regain that power was through boston.

(he lost the battle with himself. really. it was just top and the demons in his head. the devils won. top gave in. again, fcuk you, boston.)

in this post, i mentioned that boston was always susceptible and open to top. he liked it when top caved into him. but the idea was top has always been using/thinking that boston could help him retrieve composure because boston was so easy to get— boston was always ready to be controlled and handled by top. but, when top met mew, he was interested and determined to win mew over becaue he was tired of 'people who already knew too much in bed.' and always, this was the sole reason of boston's anger and annoyance— mew has something desirable that boston no longer possessed— virginity/decency.

so top resorted to boston because he couldn't take the confirmation that mew— the person he was starting to (genuinely) like— wasn't the person he had in mind. so the car scene is proof that yes, mew is top's ultimate weakness. and in episode 3, it wasn't about mew manipulating top or anything; it's boston using mew as a tool to convince and influence top into believing that mew isn't who top believed he was. boston played with top's only weakness— mew.

however, top could've stayed. he could've put a stronger fight. i think the old top— the confident top— would insist on taking mew home. he wouldn't back away this easily (throwback to ep 1 when mew said he couldn't do this with top, but top said they didn't have to know each other to have sex. after that, he kissed mew again to keep the mood going, but mew pushed him and stopped top from continuing).

side note: i think top really wanted to stay because he knew what would happen if he went to boston. but mew said he was fine and top respected mew. he didn't want to argue or make mew unhappy. mew was his priority, and he abided by the boundaries set in this relationship. this has already opened up a new horizon to us; this is what top could be if he's allowed to have a morsel of true love. he trusted mew (although it had wavered) and went to boston.

top was known to be persistent, but he gave in so quickly when mew said he was fine alone. looking back at this, i believe now that top really likes mew. that's why this killed him— the idea of mew having a secret relationship with ray behind top's back.

additionally, it breaks my heart after witnessing the hurt in top's eyes once boston leaned closer and kissed his neck. he was on the verge of crying. he seemed a bit lost, helpless and hopeless. i guess at that point, top was trying to think wisely, to make a final judgement/say to the ideas he had in mind and the verdict(s) boston showed him. he was trying to hold onto that thin slither of hope that it wasn't true because mew couldn't have done that, could he?

but i guess top didn't consider or remember mew saying so blatantly, "i'm not like boston." because it's true— mew is never boston. unlike boston, who's insecure and pretty much volatile and a narcissist, mew is empathetic, understanding, kind and has his own set of flaws, but rather a decent human being. he's so different from boston. sadly, top couldn't differentiate that stark disparity, that one thing top liked about mew when he first saw him— mew's solitude.

conclusion

i said in this post that topmew will have their first time in episode 4, and it's happening. it fits the timeline of their budding relationship really well, as they now have reached equilibrium. top will confront mew in episode 4 and ask him about ray. mew will tell the truth because he's never a liar. possibly, that will make top trust mew again.

possibly, next week, we will see top distancing himself from mew at the start of the episode, and mew might feel sad/confused about it, so the first confrontation ensues— topmew sorting out their feelings for each other. mew willingly wants to have sex with top, an indication that mew is ready to fully accept top into his life— to be all over top as he genuinely likes top now (and this can be the start of mew's transformation from good to evil)— to admit he loves top and top is his boyfriend. they're finally on the same page.

however, things will go down the gutters in episode 6 since forcebook said it's the story's climax. yet, i believe episode 5 will be their 'honeymoon' phase, and i personally want that to happen. it'll make the pain of separation even more delicious as we have happy memories of them in our riverbank of recollections.

i'm sorry for this incoherent and messy discussion. i still have so many thoughts in mind, but this is the only thing i can pen down as of now. the car scene is still breaking me, and i just don't know. (I wrote this as soon as i woke up. therefore, i'm sorry. again.)

anyway, thanks for reading this post. :)

//btw, i watched dangerous romance yesterday, and i'm in love. that drama is easily one of the best series of the year for me. it's so good.//

[1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (i) | 4 (ii) | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12]

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nauticalnova · 20 days

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Hope I'm not a bother. Could I request a OHSHC oneshot for Ritsu Kasanoda x reader where the reader walks in to the host club and sees Ritsu in the cat maid outfit? Kinda like how Tetsuya did but reader is super in love with it and obsessing over him? I love cat maid Ritsu

Note : I love Ritsu he's one of my favs <3 <3 Tsundere baby <3 <3 And once again, I suck at dialogue. I'm sorry about this being late, I'm still sore from swimming I did yesterday :( enjoy!!

The situation escalated so fast it wasn't even funny.

To Ritsu at least. Hikaru and Kaoru were, of course, laughing their asses off, but not Ritsu.

This was certainly not how he envisioned today going when he initially approached Haruhi for advice. He didn't want to deal with the nonsense of the host club again, but Haruhi was sensible enough, so he thought it would be fine to ask her what exactly to do to win your affection. Sure, he had a gaggle of girls following him, and many guys giving him advice on how to make a move ever since he expressed a little bit of a crush for Haruhi (which he, of course has since gotten over), but he still has no idea how to talk to people without sounding like he's going to beat their ass. Especially you.

Whenever you talk to him, he ends up sounding like he's going to punt you into the ocean, and despite how unconvincing he sounds with his face red enough to nearly blend his hair into his face, he still thinks you hate his guts.

So he approaches Haruhi, who effortlessly flirts and talks to the girls she entertains everyday.

"So um... Fujioka, I just wanted to ask...," he begins awkwardly, his expression a very convincing emulation of someone sucking on a lemon.

"What's up Kasanoda?"

Haruhi, as usual deems his nonsense slightly less nonsensical than that she has to put up with everyday, and gives him her full attention.

"I was wondering since you do the host club stuff everyday, do you have any tips?"

"OF COURSE WE'LL HELP YOU!!!," yells out Tamaki, leaping out of whatever bush or pillar he was hiding behind still as overdramatic as ever.

"uh no that's okay-"

"Poor Bossa Nova, trapped in the throes of longing! Dont worry, we'll guide you to your life of romance!"

And so began his next hour of torture (again). From trying to teach him to say the cringiest lines, to dressing him "more elegantly", they finally arrived at this conclusion.

A pretty little dress, frilly apron, thigh highs with dainty little bows and a delicated pair of cat ears adorned Kasanoda's head. He was this close to decking the twins laughing it up behind him.

"QUIT LAUGHING! GET THIS STUPID THING OFF OF ME!!!"

Which of course, does nothing against the notorious teasing streak of the Hitachin twins. And then...

"Kasanoda?"

He freezes. Oh god, not this. Anything but this. As if being forced into this frilly, cat maid uniform monstrosity wasn't bad enough, you had to see. He can't even try to begin to justify this.

Except...you don't say anything. When he hesitantly meets your gaze, the only emotion present on your face is complete adoration, dotted with warmth in your cheeks.

You're just as speechless as him in this situation, yet for another reason entirely.

"You look...gosh, you really look so cute!!!"

You finally squeal, and run up to him, your smile so wide and bright it might end up blinding anyone who has the fortune of looking. And yet, the only thing Kasanoda can say, is a deep profound "Huh?!", from the deepest reaches of his soul.

"Yeah! Just look at you, you're really pulling this off so, so well!!"

Well then. That's more than a little unexpected. Kasanoda smiles slightly. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all.

#ohshc x reader #kasanoda x reader #ritsu kasanoda x reader #ouran x reader #gn reader

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rahleeyah · 1 year

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Don’t know if you’ve been asked this and I’m sorry if I have you repeating yourself.

Do you think that Olivia should tell Elliot about Lewis? To me, it almost feels like people fetishized it in a way. I saw someone say how dare he tell her about being normal or whatever when he doesn’t know things about her when he was gone. And of course someone brought up Lewis.

I really don’t see a need for it unless something brings it up. Even before that horrendous ordeal, she still had reserves about normalcy with regards to family and such. Hope that makes sense.

I think it's very, very important for their relationship - I think it's something he does need to know about given the trajectory of their relationship, and I think it's important for her to see she can trust him with it. Not telling him has the potential to be more damaging than telling him - that means she's keeping secrets, and potentially turns it into a source of shame for her. Especially when other people around them know but her lover, her best friend, has no idea. What if Elliot thinks it's sexy to bend her over the kitchen table but that's a trigger for her and he doesn't know that? I genuinely think that for these characters eventually it will be necessary to have that conversation.

The real question is, do we need to see it? Is it necessary to show it to us? I think that's more what you're driving at.

No, of course it isn't necessary for us to witness it. It isn't super relevant to the plot except that it represents a significant moment in their relationship. It doesn't ever have to be addressed on the show - again, "should they film it" is a different question than "should Olivia tell him".

Drama wise, I think it would fill a real need for a lot of fans. People want that closure, for themselves as much as anything else. That was a moment that hurt and it hurt that Elliot wasn't there, and a conversation opens up the opportunity for everyone involved to reckon with their feelings about it, and to see Elliot's response, to finally know after all these years how he would react and how he feels, to witness it, would be satisfying for a lot of people. It could be a really profound moment in his relationship with Olivia. I think a lot of people find hope in a story about overcoming a trauma like that, being able to acknowledge that it happened, being able to share the story with someone you love but not be judged for it, not be defined by it. Sharing that conversation might bring some people peace. It might hurt others.

And that's the thing is, is what's good for one person isn't good for another. That doesn't make the thing itself bad. It just means we all have different needs. We can't take a one size fits all approach bc one size doesn't fit all. Some people would find that conversation deeply fulfilling, some people would find it alarming, and neither party is wrong, unless, of course, they are trying to tell everyone else what to feel.

There is no right answer, is what I'm saying. Is it important to the plot of the show to show us that conversation? Well that depends on how the conversation is executed, doesn't it? That depends on a number of factors we don't have access to. But really nothing is necessary in terms of what they show us; it all comes down to what's gonna be entertaining and also feasible to film. Should they? That's not for me to decide.

#anonymous #e.o asks #s.vu

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403tarot · 1 year

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KPOP READING: anonymous X song mingi

DISCLAIMER: this is for entertainment purposes only. tarot is a game. it shouldn't be used to take serious decisions or anything in this aspect. take everything with a grain of salt.

* this gonna be big lol i just had so much to say :')

Based on the relationship, it would be a connection with a very different vibe from others you have experienced (when you were together). I think the most accurate words to exemplify the behavior would be "passion" and "intensity". Things would happen quickly, and you would be deeply involved with each other. In those moments when you are together, things would feel light, as if you leave all the problems outside (and that seems to be a significant aspect of the other unfolding events). I believe it would be a relationship where you both feel very comfortable with each other.

I can see you discovering common interests and even having conversations where you end up saying the same thing and laughing about it because of the strong connection. It would create a profound sense that whenever you are together, it feels like the first time. However, I also see that this kind of dynamic could become somewhat problematic because it would be like living in a safe bubble where the relationship and problems cannot exist. Even if everything seems perfect between you, external factors or relationship issues themselves could disrupt that bubble, triggering a chain reaction.

I see that the most unstable part that would be greatly affected is Mingi, and most of the other issues stem from that. Things penetrate him easily, and even though he can pretend to handle it well, he keeps accumulating it inside. You would feel that he is the person you're looking for, as if he could fulfill all the things you need, even more than you imagine. However, you would also feel somewhat helpless in the relationship. Even if you could steer things and believe you're in control, it wouldn't be entirely true... You might appear to be in control, but in reality, you wouldn't do anything without thinking about how Mingi would react, maybe precisely because he's easily affected.

So, the relationship would heavily depend on him, and much of it would revolve around him. And then problems could start to arise, such as him thinking that your relationship is a sacred sanctuary and becoming afraid of encountering problems (forgetting that issues and disagreements are quite normal in a relationship), causing him to ignore them. He would try to ignore even things that can't be ignored, like if you were upset about his behavior, he would try to compensate without addressing it directly. This would make you feel frustrated, and I don't see you actively speaking up about it. You would probably express it through your behavior. But I don't see you giving up easily, like, "Oh, he's acting this way, so I'm out," because you see a lot of potential in your relationship.

You would deeply love him and hope that amidst both of your behaviors, he would learn from his mistakes and do things differently. When I asked why you would endure these situations, The Lovers card literally came up, hahaha. Mingi would see you as a safe harbor, something solid where he finds support, someone he can rely on, someone who takes care of him. He seems to be needy in that aspect, valuing the support network in a relationship. And his desire to make this relationship work at any cost without any problems would make him neglectful.

He would overlook important things like relationship maintenance through conversations about your feelings or things that need to change. If you were to approach him to discuss the things that bother you or things you need to work on, he would say, "I understand, but I don't think we need to talk about it." or "I get it, but I don't want to waste time on this. Let's spend this time together instead of discussing our relationship."

It seems like he would often try to rush against time, maybe because he's busy, but it's as if he's frequently trying to prepare for the end, and when he's with you, he lets himself go too much. Maybe this could even cause anxiety in him, the fear of losing you, as if he thinks it's going to end, and then everything will go to hell, and he won't be able to handle it. I think that might be why he avoids problems as much as possible or doesn't even bring them up due to fear. This would affect you significantly, and you wouldn't be okay with that mindset, although I see that you would try to be understanding within your limits.

Regarding the points that would strengthen this relationship, I still believe he would end up developing a dependence on you... not in the conventional sense, but as if he becomes addicted to how you make him feel, how you're someone he can trust, a relationship where he feels comfortable and satisfied. And you would love to make him feel that stability because, apparently, it's something lacking in his personal life...

However, on the other hand, the problems, in addition to the ones I mentioned earlier, would contribute to the lack of balance between your relationship in the perfect little bubble you have and the relationship in the real world, where problems and discussions are unavoidable... as if when things stepped out of that bubble, everything would start to unravel. This would also give the impression that the relationship isn't evolving.

deck used: the marigold tarot. 🫧

method used: cup of love 🍷

you can give suggestions or request personal readings/with an idol of your choice. check my pinned to know more!

#kpop tarot #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop readings #tarot #ateez #mingi #ateez tarot #mingi imagines #— duckie notes ⪩♡⪨

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khodorkovskaya · 10 months

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I'm worried that I'm boring like that dude, I'm not really a sporty person though, what can I do to become more interesting and well rounded as a person?????? PLEASE????? I really dont wanna be like or sed like that dude

No offence to him tho, like not in a bad way...

to be completely honest with you, i have no idea. because i also have a suspicion that im super boring because yes, i do a lot of things and have a lot of hobbies/interests, but when it comes to conversation i just like don't have a lot of thoughts and opinions. i can talk about my hobbies like "ooo im so excited to go to skating camp" or info dump about dinosaurs or whatever. but when it comes to more profound conversation i just like never have anything to say. so my strategy is to really ask myself questions and try to figure out what i actually believe in and think and stuff like that. because once you get past the stage of like superficial talk with me, it just doesn't go anywhere, you know?

with certain people tho what i do is that i start talking about the interesting people in my life. like stories about my father or lucien or panda or my friends always entertain people. because i know so many "weirdos" (i say that in the most affectionate way btw) and they're all so much more interesting than me. but that poses another problem that often people remember me as "the girl whose dad is a flat earther" or "the girl whose student is obsessed with the military". and people aren't really interested in me for me.

and another tricky thing about this approach is that some people really vibe with those stories, whereas with others it's just like not the place to talk about it. like with the ukrainian guy i went on a date on, he was just like too plain, so i couldn't even talk about all my favourite "weirdos". like you need to have some sort of sense of humour to be able to appreciate my stories about my flat earther father or lucien, you know? and he just didn't give off the vibe of someone who'd really vibe with that.

but back to your question, i think first of all it's important to be interested in things to be interesting. even if it results in infodumping. like id much rather talk to a person who's obsessed with something niche than someone who's like "yeah, idk, i don't really do much". for me personally i know that i have a very neurodivergent way of approaching hobbies and interests. like i get obsessed with everything and can't be chill about things. but at the same time i always stay very superficial with everything i do. so being obsessed with things doesn't make me more interesting, it just makes me come off as a little strange, you know? but if you're able to enjoy things normally, just like go to as many events as you can, take up some sports activities or classes. and through that you will gain new experiences and become more intresting.

another important thing about coming off as an interesting person is having passion. in the sense that you have to be passionate about life. going back to the dude i went on a date on, he just appeared as like quite passive and uninterested in things. but if you're passionate about life and the things you do, you'll naturally be able to talk about things more and it'll give you that little spark in your eyes, you know what i mean? like if you stay in your room all day and have an uninterested attitude towards everything in life, ofc you won't be an interesting person. and passion is important to be an overall wellrounded person. you have to be curious about everything and openminded and yeah just like passionate about things.

but idk im not the best person to give advice about this whole thing bc it's something i struggle with too. i feel like i know nothing and have nothing to talk about apart from like the two-three things im obsessed with at the moment:

second hand fashion and sustainability, our family business and our startup, also VAT laws for some reason really scratch an itch

that one documentary about dinosaurs with david attenborough

me and my cousin's interpretation of milan kundera's immortality

figure skating drama and how excited i am for skating camp

???? singing in the church choir i guess but like there's nothing to say about it, im just obsessed

when im hanging out with my oxford bestie we talk about north korea non stop, that's like our common hyperfixation for some reason

that's it

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hopeididntscareyou · 1 year

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It's 3am, i am exhausted mentally and physically, I am sleepy so I don't know if i'm going to make sense but I will try. I just want to say, that the more i read Nietzsche, the more i feel like his philosophy is written for me. For most people, their intellectual hero would be Einstein, but for me its Nietzsche. Nietzsche has changed me in profound ways that nobody else in my lifetime. I would also add Dostoevsky. I love these men I am actually tearing up as I write this as no words can just express how I feel about my realizations and reflections on their wisdom and how it impacted my views in life. Its like everything in my world just started to make sense. In my world, which has always been cruel and chaotic, full of pain and suffering, yet there is something beautiful about it. I wish to meet a Nietzschean in the 21st century, but then again I am incapable of forming close relationships with people. I don't think I am in the autism spectrum though, because I am not socially retarded. I just can't speak to people in general about things I don't care about, such as gossips and other nonsensical blabber. Its not because I'm being arrogant, i do think its a problem that I can be pretty bad with small talk, but I don't know, i just don't know what questions to ask when I'm not interested, even its something to do with me.Its like my brain stops working when confronted with "stuff idgaf" because it doesn't have any room for irrelevant information. Despite my excellent memory I tend to be forgetful of basic stuff that normal people don't forget and I often misplace my personal belongings because I just genuinely never think of them. And another thing is, its not like i can just tell people about what honestly goes through my head when they try to make conversations about topics i don't care about. My opinions about anything mainstream are usually extremist, brutal and critical so unless I have an issue with you then I don't see any point in expressing them. I don't like lying and being fake either (unless i have ulterior motive) because its just makes me feel awkward. So in summary, 'just be yourself' advice doesn't always work, it could possibly even make someone even more socially retarded. The only thing I usually do is ignore people and act like I dont breathe the same air as them, I'm nearsighted anyways and without my glasses I can't see shit.

I have NPC energy, i only talk to people unless they approach me first, and if they did, it has to be something i care to talk about. I usually like talking about ideas, scenarios and whatsup with people close to my heart. It honestly sucks sometimes but whatever. I feel like its better to mind my own business than waste my time on stuff i don't even care about. That being said, I have an exemption about this certain type of people who likes to talk, I'm talking about narcissistic snowflakes who likes to talk about themselves. I genuinely enjoy listening to them because they are more likely interesting, entertaining and quirky compared to the general, normie population. There is always something intriguing and fascinating about them so I tend to also get along very well with these individuals which should be surprising considering I also display narcissistic traits. But behind the scenes, i feel like me being mixed with a narcissist triggers my other dark triad traits. They make me feel like i'm in control of their life and there just something amusing about that yk. Narcissists are actually more easier to manipulate than normal people if you know how to play your cards well. But i dont have always bad intentions. Like I said, I just genuinely like their company

Going out of tangent, I did have an ex boyfriend who was a narcissist, and he was probably the only partner I got along most with. He wasn't annoyingly self absorbed, he could communicate like a normal person and always had interesting questions (but i know he asks questions so he could talk about himself lol). He talked like he was special, like he's the main character. But you know what? I could listen to him talk about himself all day long and would thank him for his time and sharing stories. I like that energy. I'm attracted to confidence. I guess it helps his confidence because hes arguably also the hottest guy ive ever been with, he's 6'3 tall, has 6 pack abs and also 7" down there. Ya, thats the shallowness in me. I'm superficial sometimes not gonna deny that. But no, I dont miss him at all. And even though he gave me some good experience i am no longer attracted to him, which is weird but idk, i guess its because right now i'm still hang up on Robert, my thirst for him is really preventing me to have feelings for other people and i just dont know what to do, hes an asshole who treats me like shit, he has just that handsome face and he makes me feel good sexually but hes absolutely nothing compared to Jonathan. Its funny that im just objectifying men but again, im not complaining about being objectified either. im just being honest, its hard trying to stop myself from being a hoe, i'm suffering but i CANT do that because i'm a moralfag and supposed to be a high value woman. But then again, my ego and my self respect come first before my thirst. If he actually does give me love and attention like Diego and even his older brother does to me i would have no problem actively engaging with him but he's acting like a douchebag and right now i'm just not available to do any casual sexual relationships with shitty people no matter how thirsty i am. its not my thing. i prefer relationships with solid foundations and not just some fast paced connection. thats just not gonna fly with me

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two4tea1485 · 4 years

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Thinking about the forthcoming miniseries adaptation of Gaston Leroux’ The Phantom of the Opera, by far the lines I am most looking forward to hearing/hoping will be included are

“And now, be off, for I must go and do some SHOPPING!”

“You great booby!”

“This is the SECOND time you have listened behind the door, M. de Chagny!”

“My dear fellow, you have fired at a CAT.”

“I warn you: the grasshopper hops JOLLY HIGH!”

“Oh, I don’t know what I am talking about. But you would have LOTS of fun with me. For example, I am a ventriloquist: I am the FIRST VENTRILOQUIST OF THE WORLD!”

“A churchyard? Yes, that’s where ghosts usually hang out.”

“Bring her back to us! Oh, that is a trick worth two of the Angel of Music’s!”

“Baby! We shall never get to the house on the lake by [way of] the lake!”

“OH! A safety pin! To fasten you up with - a SAFETY PIN!”

#Gaston Leroux #The Phantom of the Opera #I can't remember which translation I first read but it was amazing #Erik #Christine #Philippe #Inspector whatshisname #Daroga #MM Andre and Firmin #But how terrible is it that I can't remember any of Raoul's lines that were my favorites #Ouch #I do love book-Raoul #But he mainly gets pushed and pulled around and bossed by the other characters #He is baby #He is adorable #I just can't think of anything very profound or entertaining he says #He is very cute though #He is baby who needs protected

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skyhopedango · 3 years

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State of the Season pt 1

So, so many shows! :O I don't remember the last time I watched so many ongoing shows. Alas, quantity doesn't translate into quality, but still, there are some pretty nice shows that I enjoy a lot.

Not these, though.

Dragon, ie wo kau

Yeah, this was crap. I expected something fun and fantasy-spoofy, I got a badly animated, badly produced, badly acted (from the main character) video-game-referencing show that takes one joke that is already not incredibly funny, and runs it into the ground until there's nothing left but dust. Pity.

Mars Red

Oh, this show. The first episode was stilted and vaguely pretentious*, but I thought eh, let's see a bit more of it. So I watched episode two and three, and bam, the usual vampire-hunter-vampires shenanigans with some half-hearted attempts at ~Historical Relevance~ but still pretentious. Perhaps it could've been better with more interesting/charming characters, but they weren't interesting at all... OK, that's not quite true, I liked that young vampire (supposedly the most powerful one?) who was always doing the "hey enemy vampire, you can join us or you can die" speech, that was cute.

*I mean... yes, you've read Salome. Yay. So how is it related to what happens in the episode? Does she kill the one she loved to possess him or something? No. Does she do anything even vaguely related to the story of Salome? No. So... what's the significance of the references? And from episode 2 it was downhill. EP 2 has Romeo and Juliet for "tragic lovers" which is about the most clichéd thing ever and the lovers' story had nothing in common with Romeo and Juliet other than them dying in the end. And in episode 3 the characters are literally standing around reciting Relevant Poetry. I suppose this works for people who are satisfied with understanding a reference and who want to feel smart for knowing some classical literature, but other than that...

I've been putting off watching episode 4 since Monday, and frankly at this rate likely I'll never watch it.

Fumetsu no anata he

3 episodes in, and oh yes, I remember why I didn't keep up with the manga. Look, I'm not saying it's a bad show. As most people I was very impressed with the first episode. Good stuff, emotionally powerful. But what happens after that is just totally not my cup of tea. Nonhuman entity learning to understand humans and gaining sympathy for humanity would be totally up my street - but not really when it happens via a generic adventure story, tryhard epicness tipping into unintentional hilarity every now and then, overwrought music, precocious kids mugging for the camera, and the threat of misery porn looming just over the horizon... and that's not even mentioning the obvious production issues apparent from episode 2 that further undermine the epic tone the show is going for.

I think I'll give it one more episode, although I have a feeling I'm not going to last longer. I'm sure the story will eventually have some profound things to say, but I'm also sure it'll be nothing I haven't heard before in ways that resonated better with me.

86 -Eighty-Six-

aka "Liberal Circlejerk - The Anime". (And while it can't be "white liberal" for obvious reasons, it has the attitude down pat.)

This show. This is what you get from a LN for horny teen boys fantasizing about being badass soldiers and naive girls in sexy uniforms, that also wants to say Serious Important Woke Stuff. You get a show about Super Special Teenagers that is hilariously dumbed down, preachy, self-congratulatory, and also cynical about how it treats its female characters. (And that's not even saying how stupid the setting is... I'm sure there'll be some twist but seriously, it still wants us to just handwave away stuff like "even if the enemy's weapons will expire in 2 years, how come nobody asks 'what if they built new ones' or 'what if they have other stuff up their sleeve'" etc...)

Really, I'd like to say that at least the show has its heart in the right place, but I can't, because for every preachy and dumbed down but decent message it delivers it does shit like ogling the main female character (whose uniform has a garterbelt apparently because the LN writer is into that), having her make cute pouty or blushing faces, pointing out how she's a virgin, having a "boys ogle bathing girls" scene* where the girls of course talk about boys and romance because girls, eh? etc. Hell, in episode 4 it even manages to undermine the single best thing that happened in the show so far by basically tone policing the oppressed character who told the MC to fuck off and not treat them as her morality pets. Clearly even if your friend was just killed in action and this random person who is also your oppressor and is wallowing in privilege, is crying in your ear making it all about her, you shouldn't be rude to her because aw shucks she meant well. And of course all it takes is a "sorry, I'll treat you like humans from now on, I swear" for everyone to start respecting her. Like, wow, she's committed to the bare minimum, where's the champagne?!

*Yes, the girls were dressed, but you just know that at one point in production (or perhaps in the source material) they were were naked. The entire scene is set up as a usual ogling-bathing-girls scene, so I'd bet money that what happened was someone in production vetoed it in the very last moment so they didn't have time to rewrite everything, only to give the girls clothes.

I'm still getting some entertainment value out of 86 (those spider tanks are pretty nice...) but oh boy, the cringe.

#86 #86 eighty six #mars red #fumetsu no anata e #to your eternity #dragon goes house hunting #anime review

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dothewrite · 7 years

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okay, i just can't stop thinking about this? but like, i imagine that if kuroo has an s/o, they're probably going to be friends with kenma, right? i, along with probably the rest of the fandom, also headcanon that kenma has anxiety. so can you do a scenario where said gf is with JUST kenma (probably waiting for kuroo or planning his surprise party or something) and suddenly kenma gets a mental breakdown so she kinda comforts him while kuroo gets a call and rushes to where they are?

I have so many things to say with Kenma, but I hope that this turned out to your satisfaction. Honestly, I think Kenma is very strong. But even the strong have their weak moments, and they deal with it the best they can, right? So I think that his way of dealing would be his silence, and all his different sides just collapsing into each other, and Kenma forgets who he is a little. I’m no expert on anxiety, and I can only base this on my singular experience, but I only wish that when it happened, I had been around someone I could trust, like Kenma has.

“Butjust because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die,You gotta get up and try, try, try.”-Try, Pink.

Kenma’s never been one for many words. It’s a quiet afternoon,a rare day in Tokyo indeed, and Kenma’s silence as you manoeuvre his mouseacross his monitor is more than the approval you need. Maybe he’s just in agiving mood, or maybe there’s something about the way the sky’s darkening today,but just because you can’t put a finger on it, doesn’t mean it’s less valuablein the slightest.

“I’m going to press create, okay?” You glance downonce at your friend’s defeated posture and grin. Kenma doesn’t even bothernodding, or speaking, he simply looks up at you with that exasperatedly deadexpression on his face, and you know that it’s ago.

You press create, like you had said, and the ‘createyour character’ screen pops up immediately. As expected of the newest graphicscard, there’s zero lag in this gamer’s build.

“Alright,” you tell him as you lean back, “now it’sall yours.”

“I see I shouldn’t have been glad when I found outthat Kuro’s girlfriend is a gamer too.”

“What’s wrong?” You grin some more, channelling a bitof Kuroo yourself, “this is a game! It’s a good game! You can’t just play onthose tiny buttons all the time.”

“This is an MMORPG, and yes, I can.”

“Since you don’t want to socialize in person, you cantalk to people online.”

Kenma looks at you witheringly. “I’m talking to you,aren’t I?”

“You’re the one who invited me over,” you practicallyglow at the memory.

“Yeah, that’s ‘cus you wouldn’t stop bothering meabout this game.”

“Not because you like me?”

“Get out.”

You laugh, an unfeminine, cackling laugh and somehow,the corners of Kenma’s lips tilt upwards just the tiniest bit.

“C’mon, Kenmaaaaa, make your character!”

Kenma rolls his eyes, but turns back to the screen asdirected. You watch eagerly as his fingers drape over his streamline mouse, elegantfrom years of practice, and wait for the first change he’s going to make.

Nothing happens.

The cursor remains unmoving, and those thin, setterfingers stay exactly where they are. It’s a beautiful picture, but it’s lessentertaining when all your friend is doing is staring at the shimmering blue creationscreen without a single movement.

“Hey… are you alright?” You dare to shift a littlecloser. “I’m sorry if I was bothering you too much.”

“It’s fine,” he says so quietly that you’d have missedit if you weren’t almost draped over his back.

The hairs on the back of your neck raise in anxiousnessanyway, Kenma’s reassurance bouncing off you completely. “You don’t have toplay if you don’t want to. I know I was really pushy but-“

“-I’m fine,” he repeats, firmer.

You sit back on your heels, falling silent. Kenmararely spoke to you like that, or anyone, for that matter. As the silence growslonger, the more you feel in the way, as if you were blocking somethingprofound from happening, as if there’s a voice in the background begging you toleave.

So you do, and you get to your feet without any resistance.Maybe Kenma noticed, but there’s no movement from him that indicates eitherway. The steps towards his bedroom door feels heavy, but you don’t let themdrag.

“I’ll leave,” and those aren’t the words you want tosay, but they come out anyway- blunt, more honest than anything else you’d beable to conjure. Your hand rests uselessly on the doorknob, and you count tofive for a response before you left the house for good.

It hits four, then five, and you turn the handle.

“It’s not-“ he begins like a startled bird in winter, dartingout and back in. You almost miss it, with the flurry of shame that rushes toyour cheeks. “-it’s not you. I-I…” and you feel like you’re losing him, beingdragged away by the current, and the boy who never speaks meets the girl whonever fights.

You feel the metal slip away from underneath yourfingers as you sink down to the floor. Afraid to look up, or perhaps todiscover what you’ll see, you make your way across the traditional Japanese flooringon your hands and knees until you’re a reasonable distance from Kenma again.

His hands have fallen away from his PC and onto hislap. He doesn’t seem to be looking at them, however, but to the side, countingthe ridges on a square of flooring.

“I’m not afraid of talking to people,” he finallyspeaks up.

Somehow, you know that you’ve lost this round, thatyou’re the one left to catch up as Kenma takes one step by one step away fromhis comfort zone and you’ve yet to attempt. Heck,if you’re catching up, then you’re going to catchup.

“What are you afraid of?” Confidence comes slowly, butit swims upwards as your sentence comes to a close. Perhaps this isn’t what you’rebest at, as the words you want always seem to dance in front of your fingertipsand slip away at the last moment, but you- you love this kid. As a friend, as ahuman being, and when he turns around to look at you in a soaring act ofbravery, you’re humbled.

Kenma’s shaking, just barely, and just because, you reach out and pull his frail shoulders againstyour own. He falls into you without much resistance. His posture is stillrigid, his angles unfriendly and his breathing hostile, but he’s close, and you’rethere, and you’re going to sit there with him until that upwards twitch of hislips comes back.

“I’ve got anxiety,” he announces dully, like it’s unavoidablehow the sun rises in the east, “GAD.”

“Okay.”

“I-I don’t like people around when it happens.”

You say nothing, because it’s the right thing to say.If Kenma doesn’t want you here, then you wouldn’t be. And his interruption isas much of an invitation for you to leave as was your five seconds at the doorwas to go.

“I think Kuro’s the only one who’s been around when itgets bad,” he adds.

“Would you like me to call him here?”

Kenma doesn’t reply, but you see how his fingersclench and then unwind again, so you reach for your phone with one hand andtype in the message.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t haveto,” you murmur. “But what happened?”

“Just now.”

“Mhm.”

His silence returns, as does his shaking, and all youcan do is hold him with your own small heart. And, you wait. Soft, hesitantstrokes up and down his back you offer, and he shrinks away at first but leansinto your touch after a few seconds. Another act of bravery; you count two.

“I think of gaming a lot,” Kenma begins, “and I starta lot of games. So this MMO… it- I keep on starting things, and it’s like aloop.”

You know he can feel you nod against his hair, andsomehow, his heaves for air grow just the slightest bit more regular, althoughlouder. Like he’s not trying to hide them as much anymore.

“A loop where nothing ever ends,” he breathes, and ifa beautiful dream could be a nightmare, this is its battle cry. “I never start anythingmeaningful in my life, I only start things that take up my time, start games,beat levels- and then next game… I’m in a fucking loop.”

This is the first time you’ve heard Kenma swear withsuch vehemence, and it makes him sound present in ways you can’t bring towords.

“I’ve never really thought about what I’d like to do,or what I can do. Even volleyball I’vefollowed Kuro around and joined because he made it fun for me- it’s likenothing I’ve done is for myself.”

“Your hobby is you, too.”

“But they’re just hobbies,”he gasps, desperate. “I can’t be just games,that’s just really sad.”

Your fingers tighten, but you’re not going to saysomething you know won’t be welcome right now.

“And I don’t know what I’m capable of. Maybe it’snothing, maybe it’s just being a mediocre setter.”

He isn’t.But you can’t tell him that yet.

“I can just see it- all my life I’m going to be tiredand useless and just a quiet guy who games and doesn’t like people. I can’teven like people,” and Kenma laughscruelly against your shoulder. “What am I going to be? When will I ever getanywhere? What if I don’t care? I’m the most afraid of not caring. It’sprobably the option that’s going to come true the most.”

“I don’t think you have to care,” you offer quietly. “Whohas the right to guilt you into caring about things you don’t?”

Kenma moves to slap you about the head. “Society,dumbass.”

“Seriously, Kenma.” You sound serious. “I-I’m in noplace to say much but, I think you’re allowed to be you. You don’t have topunish yourself for being you.”

“It doesn’t help, being me,” he answers. Toeing theline between snarky and exhausted, he sounds like Kenma again, and you know forone that his laugh won’t leave you.

You shrug. “It might not help, but we can make do,right?”

“Is that the plan? To wing it?”

“I’ll help you,” you promise, tentative and feathery,like a wish made in a dream, and all Kenma has to do is to reach out and graspit. “Kuroo will help you. All your friends will help you. We can’t control everything,right? So we just gotta make do. Some things we just can’t plan for.”

“Some things,” he echoes.

“Yup.”

“Maybe I should stop gaming,” he says, and sounds somiserable saying it that it almost makes you laugh.

“Don’t! Who else would I play with? Besides, you’renot losing things because of your hobby. It’s just a hobby,” you tell himagain, “it’s okay to like it. But it’s also okay to try new things too, so wecan figure out together ‘what you’re capable of’, yeah?”

Kenma heaves a defeated sigh, and smiles. It’s a weaklittle thing, but it makes your chest warm. The only appropriate response is tocuddle him even more, to which he can only protest feebly against death bybreasts. Naturally, you don’t hear a word of it.

It’s also how Kuroo finds the two of you- he’s pantingand looking far too disheveled and sweaty for his fashionable lookingensemble, and there’s a funny little dance his face makes as he tries to decidewhether to be worried, baffled, or tsk.

“You put some effort into your clothing today.”

“Someone bothered today. Wow.” Both you and Kenma sayin unison, with varying levels of enthusiasm.

Kuroo shakes his head, a parent home to find thirddegree destruction, and flops down next to the two of you. You yelp, because he’sa big guy, and very capable of flattening both you and Kenma.

“I was worried sick,”he whines. “Then I rush here to find you two going at it-“

“We were not!”

“Oi Kenma,” Kuroo drapes himself almost entirely onKenma’s back- which is supported by your own frame, and you definitely feel thestrain. “Are you trying to steal my girlfriend?”

“Like hell,” Kenma rolls his eyes again, “she wouldn’teven leave me alone about that stupid game.”

Kuroo reaches over to ruffle your hair, and you curlinto it unconsciously like a cat.

“Which game, eh? Can I play?”

“You really should ask her instead-“

“Whaaaat, you haven’t even passed the creation screen?Kenmaaaaaaaaaa.”

“JesusChrist, alright, just shut up.”

Kenma drags his unwilling flesh body over to theabandoned PC and taps at his mouse with the weariness of a dying god. Kuroohovers happily around him, pleased enough that the tension drains out from thewires of his muscles.

They make such a picture. You’re tempted to take outyour phone and snap one, but something holds you back and you decide that the betteroption is to leave the two of them to it for now.

You’re a simple step away from the open doorway, butyou can’t resist the temptation to glance back one more time.

Kuroo’s eyes meet yours, a stolen secret, and when hesmiles at you- relief, gratefulness, pride, love- you don’t bother hiding youranswering one.

#kozume kenma #kuroo tetsurou #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #sfw #female original character #i writes the haikyuu

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