okay so I keep general politics off this blog (other than eat the rich, obviously) but I am so tired of hearing this shit from family members on facebook and am heated at the moment so:

this blog stands with palestine 🇵🇸

Wait, what did I just watch?!

When I first became interested in BTS, it was because my Facebook algorithms thought I might be interested in them and kept showing me fun videos. They were not wrong and I got sucked into watching BTS more and more.

As you can imagine, I quickly started getting fed videos of popular ships... mostly Taekook. Being new to BTS (and K-Pop and "ships" for that matter), there were definitely moments that I could admit looked like the actions you might see between romantic partners and it did get me wondering if any of the BTS members might actually be together. But I also knew close friends could sometimes look like a couple to people that don't understand their relationship. I have friends I kiss and cuddle with, but never once did I plan to date them. Add to the fact that I originally assumed some of this was just fanservice, something I no longer believe after much research here on Tumblr convinced me that BTS doesn't participate in traditional fanservice after their early debut stage. I knew it would take a lot to convince me any relationship was more than that of two very close people that cared about each other very much.

So I watched these Taekook and other videos with a lot of skepticism. I dismissed many of these videos right away as just playful people that enjoyed skinship with someone they were close to. But a couple caused me to find longer clips to check context. Most of these looked like nothing when played at full speed, uncut/edited, or with conversation context. And the more I watched of BTS, the more I could see how close and unique each of their relationships were. I loved how much they cared for each other and I wasn't invested in any of these guys having more than the close family relationship I could see they all shared. Still, I was curious if there was something all these fans knew about Tae and Jungkook that I didn't, so I kept looking.

I should add here that I was only days in to my BTS obsession research at this point. I had lost more sleep than I want to admit watching "one more video" for hours at a time desperately trying to answer the next burning curiosity, but still, I had only just started learning about the members of BTS. At this point, I absolutely believe all the BTS members care deeply for each other. They are family and have a bond I don't think any of us can really understand. These are 7 individuals that each share a unique bond with each other and as a whole. I don't think any relationship "competes" with another and each should be honored.

Though I wasn't expecting to be convinced that any of these members were actually dating, my desire to put context to these cute clips I kept seeing made me want to understand their relationships more... especially Tae and Jungkook because my video feed was FULL of these! I often found tumblr posts explaining the moments/relationships that gave me clues and insights about the members that I didn't have yet. The arguments I read for Taekook seemed possible, but I was sure there were similarly convincing arguments for all the ships. So I decided that I had to research the other ships to either prove or disprove that Tae and Jungkook actually had something extra.

I decided to start looking into Jimin and Jungkook. At the time, I just picked that "ship" first. But I am sure it was because I had already noticed how close those two are. Most of the stuff I dismissed, especially anything on stage. But I kept reading and watching "evidence", rinse and repeat. Definitely cute moments, eyebrow raising moments, some super questionable stuff on stage (2018 I am looking at you!), but I saw that stuff with Taekook too. I saw GCF Tokyo mentioned several times, how Jimin and Jungkook went to Tokyo together and Jungkook made a music video. And somehow this was amazing "proof", so I decided I should look that up.

The skeptic I am, I started watching and saw two guys that are very close, on a trip together, having fun. Lyrics talking about being there for each other. So cute! They are so close and this shows how much Jimin's friendship means to Jungkook. I loved it, but I could not understand how this was the ultimate proof everyone accepted. And then, 3 minutes in, when the video was almost over and I had basically decided it was about a beautiful bromance, it happened...

Boy, I'm holdin' onto something Won't let go of you for nothing I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

Eyebrows raises, well that is definitely romantic. And then, seconds later, my brain broke...

There was a time that I was so blue What I got to do to show you? I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

My jaw was on the floor. What did I just watch?!? That wasn't "proof", that was PROOF! There was no way to spin that other than a full on love confession. Did he actually do that? I can't believe any member of a K-pop group would do something so loud that is almost impossible to take any other way, unless you cover both eye and plug your ears!

I needed confirmation. More context. I read blogs all about GCG Tokyo and they delivered. Jikook fans gave me even more details, things I didn't understand because I was a BTS newborn (still a baby, maybe toddler, but growing quickly). Solo trip together on personal time, big deal. Jungkook recorded and edited the video, releasing it only a week later. Wow. Jungkook is a perfectionist that cares about his art and chose the song for a reason. Check. The song is by an openly gay artist? Why are we still discussing this?!

Still, I wanted an outside perspective. One not looking for this video to confirm anything with little context. So I made my sister watch it. Told her it was these two guys went on a trip together and one recorded and made this video. What did she think? "It's a love confession." Two of my kids also agreed... the third is a teenage boy that is horrified that his mom is obsessed spending all her time watching BTS and he refused to see it as anything other than someone saying "you need to be there for me too".

I suppose it's possible this was just about friendship. I suppose I could be wrong. I'm not Jungkook and unless he tells us, I will never know. But unless Jungkook denies it directly, you CAN NOT make me believe that video was anything other than one person telling another that they love them.

Sorry this post is SO LONG! I didn't expect it to be this long, but it was super fun. Thanks for sticking around and reading my TMI. <3

FROM THE MONARCHIST LEAGUE OF CANADA

As this Ecomm went to publication, we received word of the death, at the great age of 96, of Bill Silver, a significant benefactor of the League from its early days, and for many years a pillar of our Ottawa Branch.  We wished to remember him here: his ebullient spirit, fierce loyalty spoken gently, innate modesty and kindness.  Indeed Chaucer might have had forethought of Bill in describing one of his characters as a “very parfitt gentle knight.” May his ardent spirit rest in peace, and his memory be a blessing and example to us all.   LEAGUE ISSUES NEW FLYER: THE CASE FOR THE CROWN The League thought it timely and useful to issue, offer in its advertising and distribute as widely as possible - both via the website and in printed form - a new flyer which will give you, our members, ammunition to argue logically the case for the Crown in conversation with others, and, we hope, to distribute strategically. One never knows when such an item, left on a waiting room table at the doctor or dentist’s office, affixed to a supermarket or other community bulletin board, put through neighbours’ mail slots - the possibilities are many - will do good work for our cause. We hope you will both enjoy and profit from this item, and that many thousands will be distributed across the country. See item one in the WHAT CAN I DO FOR THE CANADIAN CROWN? section of this Ecomm, below, to read online and request printed copies.   And special thanks to our wonderful team of no less than seven translators, all francophones from La Belle Province, who so kindly volunteered to make the French version one that is accurate in expression and eloquent in its prose.                     WHAT CAN I DO FOR THE CANADIAN CROWN? Some suggestions for member activity during these times. We invite members to send additional ideas by return of email. 1.    How about asking the League to send you several print copies of our new flyer:  THE CASE FOR THE CROWN, or print them on your home computer:  https://www.monarchist.ca/index.php/publications and give them to others who may be unaware or sceptical of the importance of Canada’s constitutional monarchy, or even hostile to it. School teachers could be encouraged to read the League’s educational booklets, also available both online and in print at the same URL, or even to request a class set.   2.    When you read an editorial, opinion column or letter to the editor in a newspaper, or a tweet or Facebook post, critical of the Crown, don’t get mad - get even! In other words, use a temperate tone and logical argument to refute the writer’s attack.  Keep it brief: focus on the obvious flaws in reasoning, mis-statements of fact or name-calling substituting for logic.  Same goes for radio talk shows. In the long run, on all media, whatever the provocation, whatever the momentary satisfaction of ”giving them a piece of my mind” - an old adage remains true: “You catch more flies with honey.” 3.    Write your elected representative at the federal level to re-state briefly the reasons you support constitutional monarchy as our system of government,  and asking the MP whether not your view is shared. 4.    Once pandemic restrictions ease, try to make sure that Royal events - such as the upcoming 95th birthday of our Queen, 10th Wedding Anniversary of William and Catherine or 100th birthday of Prince Philip are celebrated both in your home but also among your wider family, your friends, your colleagues at the office,  your place of worship/faith community or service club. The League generally sends you some ideas to mark these celebrations. Remember, as they are incorporated into family life and public life, the     Crown becomes further embedded in the heart of the nation, and truly represents The Queen’s wish that it ”reflects all that is best and most admired in the Canadian ideal.” This is especially true when you go out of your way to include in your observance the newest members of our Canadian family, who generally are eager to participate in the traditions of their new homeland, and in turn to share their own traditions with the wider community. 5.    Always use a Queen stamp when you write a letter or pay a bill by mail. 6.     At events of ceremony, whether a Council meeting, a graduation, a civic celebration - whatever - make sure that the Royal Anthem is sung as well as the National Anthem. To the extent you can, discourage event organizers from having a soloist “perform” them. Far more pride and         learning develop from the untrained voices of loyal folk singing together. In that way, the Anthems are sung “with heart and voice” and not merely listened to.   A FINAL IDEA: AN ACT OF LOVING SUPPORT & THANKS Apart from the above, we think it would be enormously comforting and supportive for every one of us to  write a kind letter to The Queen, expressing your thoughts at a difficult time: her beloved husband ailing, a grand-child chiding other family members via sensational television, the drumbeat of the tabloids and the restrictions on her busy life caused by the pandemic.  A selection of letters, especially those from Commonwealth Realms, are indeed seen by The Queen - and their number and tone are summarized to Her Majesty. The address is - Her Majesty The Queen, Buckingham Palace, London SW1A 1AA, UK Theoretically you don’t need postage to write the Sovereign; in practice, it is safer to affix the international airmail stamp available from your local Canada Post outlet.   AN INTERESTING OPINION PIECE FROM TODAY’S DAILY TELEGRAPHWe thought you might be interested to see the following strongly-worded opinion piece, reflecting a good deal of the tone of recent British public opinion, rather different from much of the Canadian and US commentary. Meghan’s fake interview has real-world effects The Sussexes’ claims have undermined the monarchy and done lasting damage to the Commonwealth by Tim Stanley, March 15, 2021 Two headlines appeared on the BBC News website on the same day. At the top: “Harry and Meghan rattle monarchy’s gilded cage”. At the bottom: “The kidnapped woman who defied Boko Haram”. Well, that puts the Sussexes' problems in perspective, doesn’t it? Yet across Africa, one reads, the Duchess’s story has revived memories of colonial racism, tarnishing the UK’s reputation, and has even lent weight to the campaign in some countries to drop the Queen as head of state. The only nation that seems to think a lot of nonsense was spoken is Britain. In the wake of an interview that Joe Biden’s administration called courageous, British popular opinion of Harry and Meghan fell to an all-time low, and the American format had a lot to do with it. Oprah Winfrey is not our idea of an interviewer. She flattered, fawned and displayed utter credulity. Imagine if it had been her, not Emily Maitlis, who interviewed Prince Andrew over the Jeffrey Epstein allegations. “You were in a Pizza Express that day? Oh my God, you MUST be innocent! Tell me, in all honesty, though...did you have the dough balls?” This wasn’t an interview, it was a commercial for a brand called Sussex, a pair of eco-friendly aristo-dolls that, if you pull the string, tell their truth – which isn’t the truth, because no one can entirely know that, but truth as they perceive it. “Life is about storytelling,” explained Meghan, “about the stories we tell ourselves, the stories we’re told, what we buy into.” Meghan is a postmodernist. Just as Jean Baudrillard said the Gulf War never happened, but was choreographed by the US media, so the Royal narrative she was forced to live was fake, her public happiness was fake and, following that logic, this interview might involve an element of performance, too. People have challenged her claims, alleging contradictions and improbabilities, but one of the malign effects of wokeness is that you have got to be very careful about pointing this out. Why? Because wokery insists on treating a subjective view as objective truth, or even as superior, because it’s based upon “lived experience”. To contradict that personal perspective is perceived as cruel, elitist and, in Meghan’s case, potentially racist, so it’s best to wait a few weeks to a year before applying a fact check. In the meantime, affect sympathy. People would rather you lied to their face than tell them what they don’t want to hear. The result is profoundly dishonest, for I have never known an event over which there is such a gulf between the official reception, as endorsed by the media and politics, and the reaction of average citizens, who are wisely keeping it to themselves. Into that vacuum of silence steps not the voice of reason but bullies and showmen – like Piers Morgan, who said some brash stuff about Meghan’s honesty and, after an unseemly row on Good Morning Britain, felt obliged to resign from his job.  “If you’d like to show your support for me,” he wrote afterwards, “please order a copy of my book.” Dear Lord, was this row fake, too? I can no longer be sure, though I despised Good Morning Britain before and still do: it embodies the cynical confusion of emotion and fact, a show made for clicks, where even the weatherman has an opinion. So what is real in 2021? The Commonwealth, which does a lot of good in a divided world. The monarchy, which has been at its best during the pandemic, doing the boring stuff of cutting ribbons and thanking workers that, one suspects, Meghan never grew into (can you imagine her opening a supermarket in Beccles?). It contains flawed people, but that only adds to its realness, and they can adapt faster than you might think. Prince William got the ball rolling by telling reporters, who he is trained to ignore, that his family is not racist. His wife paid her respects to the murder victim Sarah Everard, demonstrating that she is neither cold nor silenced. I’d wager Kate does her duty, day after day, no complaint, not because she is “trapped”, as Harry uncharitably put it, but because she loves her family and believes in public service. Meghan and Harry have indeed prompted the Royal family to change: not in order to endorse their criticisms, however, but to answer them.

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

Survey #343

“i slither like a viper and get you by the neck  /  i know a thousand ways to help you forget about her”

What's your favorite kind of bear? I don't really know. I just like bears. Have you ever sent a FWD because you were afraid? Ha, yup, as a little kid. Would you ever date more than one person at a time? Nooooo sir. Have you ever rebounded... or been someone's rebound? No. What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? My grandmother cursed me the fuuuuck out one night as a kid because I was in a mood and didn't tell my mother goodnight. I still remember being called an ungrateful bitch with her like an inch from my face, and admittedly, I was being rude because I wanted to go home, but it kinda scarred me for life. For the remainder of her life, I was always sort of on edge around her and was convinced she didn't like me. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? I've been through lots of hurricanes. None that massively affected my life, though. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Venus is a snake, so she obviously doesn't get food meant for humans. Roman is very well-trained to not beg or make a move for people's food; he tried once as a kitten, and giving him a pop taught him right away. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? The car. Mom's, specifically. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? No, but I wish. :( Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? NOOOOOOO. What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? Mom is *always* right, pretty much indisputably. And she WILL have the last word. Dad, meanwhile, can be pretty rude to people. I don't think he realizes it half the time, but still. It's not an excuse. What is your main source of anxiety? Social interactions. What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? Pokemon. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never tried sparkling water. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't have a favorite, considering I don't wear it nearly enough and have never even bought my own. I just use whatever Mom buys. What are some female names you would name a baby? Alessandra is my favorite for sure. I also love Anneliese, Justine, Evelyn, Chloe, Evangeline, Quinn... There's a lot. What about male? Severin is my favorite, and I also like Damien, Vincent, Victor, and Luther. Do you have any subscription boxes? No. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? I want a dragon, goddammit. Idc if it can breathe fire ok I want a dragon. Ewoks are also the one and only thing I enjoy from Star Wars. What kind of dwelling do you live in? Just a one-story house. Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? N/A Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? PLEASE adopt, especially with cats and dogs, given the number of strays. Purebreds tend to have so many underlying issues, and besides, it's just a LOT of money for an animal that probably wouldn't outlive a mutt. Don't feed the machine if you can. What's your favorite chain restaurant? The Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden. Why were you last pulled over? I’ve never been pulled over before. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Just kinda swam around a bit in the ocean. It was so warm, totally like a bath. I do NOT miss that sun poisoning, though. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? I think I'd do it if someone invited me to, and the lake didn't look filthy, of course. Do you have a drone? No. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? We have this tiny, local Mexican place that's really good. I don't know the name of it, and I wouldn't share it for obvious reasons. What do you order from there? Chips and salsa of course, along with a shrimp and cheese quesadilla, and finally their cheesy rice. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Depending on my mood, it bounces between vanilla with chocolate syrup or just plain chocolate. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I used to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's podcast, but I'm like... ten months behind, haha. What's something someone calls you that you find endearing? I like "love" a lot. What's your favorite children's book? I loved books like The Rainbow Fish, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Stellaluna, 10 Minutes 'til Midnight, What Makes a Rainbow?, Chrysanthemum, etc. Is there a new season for a series you're excited to come out? Meerkat Manor comes back this summer, and I am fucking HYPED. How old are you? I'm 25. What is something unique you enjoy about the one you like/love? I tease her about it all the time, but it's really cute that she keeps all of her snakes' good sheds in her room. Proud reptile mom. Are you more liberal or conservative? I'm close to the middle, but I lean towards being more liberal, and I seem to go more that way with time. Do you watch American Horror Story? I used to. I saw the entire first season and really liked it, and then I almost finished the second, but I lost interest. The story got a bit stupid imo. I'd be willing to watch other seasons, though. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? None that I’m aware of. The people there are scary enough. What's the scariest nightmare you remember having? Let's not talk about it. Are you medicated? Uh very. Are there any apps you're addicted to? Nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? It was initially a bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket, then it become a moose I got from Cabela's when in Ohio. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Only meerkat ones. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Haha I've worn Jason's pj pants before and they just kinda... became mine, lol. What's the last movie you watched at home? The Shining, I believe. What's the last movie you watched in theaters? The CGI remake of The Lion King. I still don't get why it was received so badly. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? I don't think so, no. If you do drink, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas, generally. However, Sara's dad made me this absofuckinglutely incredible chocolate drink before that tasted like a milkshake. It had like, no alcohol flavor, which worked out well for me considering I very much dislike that taste. Are there any songs you've been listening to repetitively lately? There's a new one every day lately, haha. Today it's Halocene's cover of "Love Bites (So Do I)." Cereal, granola, or oatmeal? Cereal. What TV shows did you grow up watching? You gotta gimme an age group... but I'd say the typical stuff for kids of that time. What does your phone case look like? It's just a boring purple that came with it. What were your favorite toys to play with as a child? I looooved playing with my "family" of a father crocodile, a mother deer, their two "children" (a fawn and smaller croc), and "friends" that were little Pokemon figurines. Then there was an evil t-rex with two stupid sidekicks, haha. I can't remember what dinosaurs they were. What's the most embarrassing thing you can ever remember doing? Hold on, lemme find my book. Do you remember what you dreamt about last night? I only very faintly recall dreaming about my cat Roman. Have you ever done anything embarrassing in a dream? Thank FUCK they're just dreams. Do you vape? Nah. What was a song you loved as a child? So uh. Apparently. I loved "Dookie" by Green Day. It's an undying story from Mom about how it came on once at a putt-putt place and I apparently started yelling "dookie!" and dancing. Do you enjoy the Arctic Monkeys? Yeah, I love some of their songs. Are you going to see Finding Dory? You bet your sweet ass I saw it. I've cried everytime I've watched it. Have you ever been horseback-riding? I have not, but I would love to. When was your last piercing? Whenever I got my tragus done, which I can't remember. What did your first crush look like? I don't remember my puppydog love first crush, but I can talk about my first REAL crush, Sebastian. He's a skinny dude with short, brown hair and a lip piercing... I can't remember which kind. He dressed in an emo style, and Facebook pictures at least suggest he still kind of does, I think. Is your body more curvy or flat? Well, I'm not at all skinny, so... What's your least favorite holiday? Probably Christopher Colombus Day, honestly. You didn't discover shit. Don't pretend to me it's worth celebrating in a clean conscience. if you’re having a boring day what do you usually do? If I'm rock-bottom bored, quite honestly, I normally nap, even though I know I shouldn't. Do you turn to food when you're upset? Ugh, I'm admittedly an emotional eater. I got way better about it, and then I started up again. Is your bf/gf good with your parents? I don't have an s/o. Do you think soda should be served at school? Vending machines are fine I suppose, as I don't believe they should be free seeing as they're nothing but sugar content, and I feel schools shouldn't just hand that out to kids at lunch or something. Do dogs have feelings? They sure do. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them. I respect snakes and am going to give wild ones their space for sure considering I don't recognize every native venomous one, but nevertheless, I'm not afraid of them. They are so vital to the ecosystem and are incredibly fascinating animals that deserve our protection. On that note, PLEASE do not kill any snake you come across in your shed or whatever. Call someone to relocate the terrified thing. Favorite snack? It depends on what I'm in the mood for, really. Ever seen The Notebook? Read the book, seen the movie plenty of times. Do you think cussing is trashy? No. Who is the most famous person you’ve met, if any? Nobody. Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? No. Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? No. Do you like gore? Yeah, generally. Do you like to drink water? Ugh, I really don't. I wish I did. Have you ever had a wax? I used to get my eyebrows waxed. Do you have any sets of matching bras and underwear? No. Are you any good at improv? Not at ALL.

I may be just shouting into a void right now, but I’m very much not ok. I know no one is and no one has been for a very long time, but I just need to talk about it in a judgement free zone and I have basically no followers here or anyone that pays any attention so this feels safe.

I grew up in a small town. Very sheltered and conservative. There wasn’t anything around except for grocery stores, fast food chains, one movie theater that popped up when I was 16. To be very clear I grew up in Amish country. Everyone was white. I can recall maybe three students of color in my schools from kindergarten to senior year. I never really paid much attention to politics until maybe my senior year of high school. And even then, I didn’t really give it too much thought. We as a family never talked about politics. My parents are very religious so I have very clear memories of going to mass, CCD, first communion, confirmation. But we never talked politics.

I was a freshman in college when Obama was elected. I very much remember my mom asking if I had gotten an absentee ballot, since this would be my first election and I had just moved out of my home town but hadn’t been able to change my address before moving. I had gotten it, and my mom asked me who I voted for, so I answered Obama and she was shocked. That was when I first realized we were not on the same page when it came to politics.

The first time I can really remember getting into an argument over politics was right after Michael Brown was killed. My mom and I got into it over how Michael Brown didn’t actually attack that cop (won’t use his name) and my mo believes deadly force was justified. Then of course we had multiple arguments when Trump was elected. And I was getting so much blow back from so many family members for going on Facebook and saying “America was never great”. I got phone calls, Facebook messages, texts, and at one point my aunt cornered me at my parents house to tel me how wrong I was and ask me if I was a lesbian. And obviously this year, I got the same treatment once the BLM protests began. I’m very vocal about my support of the movement and again, I received much criticism from my family for it.

But the one person I never really heard from was my dad. It was mostly two of aunts and my mom who would confront me about political views. But my dad never did. Like I’be always known he shared the same views as my mom, I just always thought that it never mattered to him as much. But recently I’ve realized how wrong I was.

At one point this past September I think, a good amount of black owned business owners, mostly women, received very threatening emails saying that their businesses would be burned to the ground and the owner would be horribly murdered and worse. I posted a link to an article about it, saying that we should show these businesses a little extra support. My dad takes so much offense to this, that he sends his first ever Facebook message to me saying that “while it’s sad that this happened, other businesses are suffering too that are owned by whites, Asians and Latinos” so we get into it through Facebook about that. Then, my brother texts me a picture of my dad learning how to shoot a handgun at a shooting range and my brother says he’s feeling really uncomfortable about it. My dad also has a book on how to use a handgun. He’s never really expressed any interest about learning how to shoot, at least to me. My mom seemed very surprised by it too. My dad also bought 2 months worth of MREs to “prepare for the government comes after us” He won’t watch Fox News anymore. I’m not sure what was the last straw, but it’s scary to think that Fox News isn’t conservative enough for him. Now he only listens to talk radio. People like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. And watches their stuff online too. To a point where if he has to leave the room, he puts whatever program on his phone so his viewing/listening won’t be interrupted. And he also believe that the pandemic isn’t serious, that businesses should be allowed to stay open and that our constitutional rights are being infringed upon, so much so that he gave all of us pocket sized constitutions to refer to when “they” come for us. He’s not really an anti maskers because I know he doesn’t fight anyone when going to the grocery store or anything, but as soon as he’s out of the door, he all but rips the mask off his face. And he (nor my mom for that matter) seem to care much about the fact that my coworker and two of my friends’ parents have died from Covid.

And now, he’s posting things on his Facebook (which he used to never do! He would only every like or comment on his children’s photos!) In defense of Trump. He posted a video that claims trump asked the terrorists to go home and that the media will never let anyone see it. But trump made that video hours after that rally. And he fully believes the election was rigged. Part of me is wondering if he had the chance, would he have gone to DC today? Would he have been there? It just seems very likely to me and it’s just... devastating.

The point of this whole post is to say that I’m afraid my dad is beyond reason. I was talking to my sister today and she’s ready to cut him off. I’m not ready for that but I feel like I may have to. He’s defending terrorists. How can he not see that? I love my parents so much, and they’ve done so much for me, and I know that they’re good people. But they’re sheltered. They grew up in a white, small towns and then chose to live and raise a family in another very white and small town. They don’t travel. They’ve only been out of the country twice and both times it was just to Niagara Falls. I could have easily gone the same route but I’m so grateful that I managed not to. It would have been very easy.

I feel very alone right now. I live alone, in a city that even before the pandemic my family didn’t really want to come visit me in. And the pandemic has made it worse, but knowing that my dad and possibly my mom are this far gone just really make me feel so isolated. Like I said my sister wants to cut my dad off, but it’s easy for her because she’s married. So is my brother. They have their spouses and in laws at least. I don’t have that. I have friends yeah but that’s just different. I don’t really know how to describe that difference though. I still miss my family. I still want to see them for the holidays and birthdays. But it’s so hard to go home now. I feel like I can’t even call my parents’ house home anymore. It feels tainted.

If anyone has read this, and made it this far, and is experiencing or has experienced something similar, I hope we can talk. I don’t know anyone who is at this point so I just feel even more alone. I don’t think anyone I know really understands how I’m feeling. And if you can relate, I’m sorry. This sucks. So much. So so so much. I know not everyone has a great relationship with their parents, and while I wouldn’t said me and my parents were BFFs, I know that they love me and want the best for me and would do anything for me. But I can’t take their borderline extremist conservativeness anymore. It just goes against everything that they raised me to be.

All of this is to say I’m just really fucking sad and I don’t know what to do about it.

an internet/social media survey. 1 - Are you one of those people who shares absolutely everything on social media? What do you think about those who do? I do tend to overshare in surveys and I share quite a bit on Twitter. I’m pretty quiet on my other social media sites, though, in terms of that. It only bugs me when people share something and then someone asks about it and they’re like, “I don’t want to share it on here” or “I don’t want to talk about it.” You just did, though? Why post about it then? Plus, my nosy ass wants to know haha. I see that all the time on Facebook.

2 - Does anyone in "real life" know that you take surveys? Would you be embarrassed if they found your blog? I don’t think so. Back in the Myspace days people knew cause I posted them there, but no one in “real life” follows me on here. I’m surprised I shared those back then cause I don’t want anyone to see them now. Although, I wasn’t as open back then in surveys. I took the more basic ones and didn’t elaborate like I do now.

3 - When you receive a text message, do you reply straight away or wait a little while instead? It depends.

4 - Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Did you have an argument that lead to that happening? I don’t recall. It was probably some spam account on here.

5 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you spend the most time on? I spend a lot of time on YouTube. 

6 - What was the first social media account you remember signing up for? Are you still a member of that particular website, if it even still exists? Ooh. I’ve had an online and social media presence for so long... like it was probably something that doesn’t even exist now.  I remember some teen sites I was on that I guess were like the social medias of the day. For example, there was this one website I remember called Kiwibox, where you could interact with other people, post stuff, and it shared like trending topics and whatnot that I was a member of in the early 2000s. It was pre-Myspace. I don’t think it even exists now, but if it did I’m sure my account was deleted long ago for being inactive. 

7 - How many social media accounts do you have now? Do you use them all regularly? If not, which ones do you think you update the most and why? I’m on all the common ones. I use them all, but I’m more active on some than others. Some I check regularly but rarely post. For instance, I’m super active on here and I post on Twitter quite a bit. I check Facebook a few times a day and “like” some stuff, but I very rarely post. I check Instagram and Snapchat, but not daily and I rarely post or even interact on there. I spend the least amount of time on those two.

8 - Are there are any popular apps/social media sites that you've never got into or signed up for? How come? Hmm. Like I said, I have all the main ones I think.

9 - Do you take surveys on any other website apart from Tumblr? Nope. 

10 - Before Tumblr existed, what kind of blogging site did you use (eg. LiveJournal, Xanga etc.). I had a Xanga and LJ account. 

11 - Is there anything you miss about websites like MySpace, or do you prefer social media the way it is now? The Myspace days were interesting that’s for sure. I miss the hype of changing up my page and adding stuff, picking my profile song, rearranging my top 8, changing my display name, follow forever trains, comment 4 comments... haha what a ride.

12 - How old were you when you first got the internet at home? Was it broadband/wireless or did you use dial-up? I remember it wasn’t long after my brother was born, so it was sometime in 1999. I remember when my mom brought home our first computer. Those were the days of dial up/AOL. Gah, I do not miss that. 

13 - Are you old enough to remember life without any kind of internet access whatsoever? What kind of things did you do to fill the time? Ha, yeah. It’s crazy to think of the days before the internet, but I did have them. I actually used to play outside *gasp* That’s shocking cause ya’ll know I’m a hermit crab. I used to get so tan back then cause I spent so much time outside. Other things I used to do was play Barbies for hours, play with my cousins, read, color, and watch TV.

14 - Have you ever gotten into an argument with a stranger online before? Lol yeah.

15 - Overall, would you say social media is a good thing or a bad thing, or does it depend on how you choose to use it? It definitely has its pros and cons. There’s a dark side to social media and the internet in general, but a lot of good can be done with it as well. 

16 - How much time do you think you spend online each day? Is this something that varies depending on the weather? I spend a decent amount of time online for sure, but it does vary. The weather has absolutely nothing to do with it. 

17 - If your internet went off right now and you knew it wouldn't come back on for several hours, what would you go and do instead? Well, it’s 3:50AM so I’d watch some TV and attempt to go to bed.

18 - Since getting the internet, what's the longest period of time you've gone without access to it? Did you miss it as much as you thought you might? Probably the times I had surgery. I didn’t have to go completely without because once I was able to I was able to rent laptops that were available for patient use or access a computer while there. That was really nice during the couple times I had to spend a few months in the hospital. Even the shorter stays, like a week or two, I had some access at some point. But yeah, I definitely wasn’t on nearly as much during those times. Not at all the first few days/week. Then when I was back home and had my laptop I still wouldn’t feel up to spending much online. I did miss it, but I spent so much time resting and sleeping during the early stages of recovery so it was fine for awhile. I did start to get stir crazy, though.

19 - What's something you find yourself doing less of because you spend too much time online? Hm. I can’t think of anything I do less for that particular reason. 

20 - What websites do you spend the most time on? Do these fall into any particular category or are they just random? Tumblr, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter.

21 - What website from your childhood/teen years do you wish still existed? I miss Xanga a lot. The survey community was poppin back then. I miss the days, not so much the websites themselves, of Myspace, Neopets, playing games on Disney Channel’s and Nickelodeon’s websites, making dolls, and the AOL teen message boards. Good times, good times. Much nostalgia. 

22 - Have you ever met up with anyone in real life that you first met via the internet? Did you get on as well as you thought you would? Nope. I had online friends back in the day that I talked to all the time and actually texted with. I even talked to them on the phone a couple times. :O That was during my Jonas Brothers days and I got close to a few people that I met through a Jonas Brothers’ message board and chatroom. I was pretty involved on there. I can’t believe I used to do that cause I wouldn’t do that now.

23 - What's your thoughts on internet dating and is it something you would ever consider for yourself? I probably wouldn’t do it myself, but hey if that works for people then go for it. *shrug*

24 - Do you tend to shop more online or in person? Is that something that's changed since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic? I do all my shopping online now since the pandemic hit, but even for a few years prior I was doing most of my shopping online. 

25 - Speaking of the pandemic, did you find all the stories on social media quite scary or overwhelming at the beginning? Absolutely. 

26 - If someone on social media annoys or upsets you, are you likely to tell them or just hit the hide/block buttons? Nah, I’ll just keep on scrolling. If it’s that bad then I’d likely mute or just delete. 

27 - Are there topics you won't post on social media about, simply because they always end up in an argument? I don’t post about politics. 

28 - Are you friends with your parents and family members online? Do you limit what you say because you know they can see it? Yes and yes. Like, even though I don’t post anything bad or risqué lol I still hide some stuff from my grandparents just because they wouldn’t get it, ya know? I’ve done that before and my Nana called my dad and asked if I was okay cause I posted some relatable self-deprecating meme or something haha. It’s sweet of course that she cares, but yeah I didn’t want her to get worried and concerned over stuff like that.

29 - Are you using the internet for anything else except this survey right now? I’m watching ASMR videos on YouTube as well.

30 - Do you access the internet more via a phone, tablet or laptop/PC? Which device do you prefer overall? I use my phone a lot for certain things and my laptop for others. Like, I much prefer the Facebook and Twitter apps, and I access Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, the Kindle app, and my email on my phone as well. I use both for YouTube. I only like to access Tumblr on my laptop, though, as well as Pinterest.

rambling.

Everyday I wake up and are beyond thankful and blessed to wake next to the one person that i love the most. He helps me build myself and life together. We have a beautiful puppy named Mamba. Definitely trying for a baby as well. I don't know sometimes I do have these feelings as though ill never been good enough for anyone. Sure; yeah, my photos get likes and there are plenty of people that I could hangout with and/or call friends, I just truly know that no one is going to have your back like you do. for the first seven years of my life and even after, I belonged to everyone. my dad just tossed me around homes with his friends and or co-workers as well as different family members. I got to experience the wonderful life of neglect, child abuse, and sexual molestation. My dad left me, my biological dad left me, my mother left, I wasn't able to meet my biological father until I was about 20-21. Our relationship at that is rocky. the parents that raised me disowned me due to them being extremely controlling. Everyone leaves. Or they choose to spend there time entertaining other people. Like I don't know my aunt and uncle that raised me always were so about one another. My uncle would like barely even look at anyone else, she sure as hell didn't. their bond and built family wasn't perfect by all means but they did it together and I guess that's all I've really wanted and searched for in life. Well in the male wise. I'm not sure why I let myself be abused to the point where I couldn't breathe. I let a man dictate how I felt about myself to the point I starved myself almost two years straight, had my weight weekly checked , psychiatric appointments weekly, did coke for the first time, drank every day, every chance I got. It was kind of bad for a good three years but whatever. Sometimes my boyfriend entertains females. for what reason I'm not sure. like why slide up on her story with no face but her body and alcohol? why want her to send her address when she's drinking? I wasn't invited so its not like we both were going to go. I try so hard every time to just trust. trust. trust. trust. believe every word he says about us forever and us together. I'm not that public of a person but I let it be known who I'm dating and that I'm in a relationship. yet he don't, wow he allows it on Facebook, meanwhile talking about other girls squirting on him. lmao. every argument we have had I've done nothing but my absolute best to be and do better for myself, him, and our future. I just want him to have everything he ever wanted and hoped and dreamt of. If I could give him all the money cars and love in this world I would. he deserves it, he deserves the world and more. I wanna be by his side being his number one fan and girl and supporter through it all. I wanna show him that I'm not ever going to give up on him, no matter how hard times get, how low life seems, and even through the daily life adventures. this is my person. and when we have deep talks i really believe him to the point where I am crying because he understands me and hears me and I love that. but then the next day the smallest tiniest thing will set him off and I'm stupid. I'm really hurt still about all of the stuff he told me when he left me at the casino. he gone flex on me with a hotter bitch, I ain't shit, I'm a dumb bitch. Like whaaaaaa. I love you with every ounce in my entire soul and would drop absolutely anyone and anything for you. as I have and will forever to continue to do. but when is enough, enough?? when am i enough for him to be like nah I got a girl lol. or be like not unless my girl sliding. love the support though, keep sharing. its not its send the address no cap. hahahahhaa. I'm embarrassed to have them on my snap. like yeah I show him off cause like haaa I have him but then I look fucking stupid cause they over there being the first to watch my story and probably just be laughing at me. I LOOK FUCKING STUPID. then again its whatever. I try to understand that when we got together it was right after he got out. and he missed all his outside life from

being sent away. :/// its just how can I be more of a woman that he's proud to be with, wants to be with. someone whos like nah my bitch is badder. lmao instead I'm just over here hoping he even likes me today. I just need to I don't know yet figure out how I can continue to grow as a woman and wife. I wish we didn't lose our baby though. I often think about it. I was farther than I thought, and I wish that right now I was talking to my baby and watching him/her grow in my belly. because its parents would love that baby more than anything on planet earth. I pray we get pregnant though, but when we are ready. I love my man so fucking much and I really know how much he tries to do good in this world and how far he has come as a person. he really is so amazing, so smart, handsome and beyond giving. even to people who definitely don't deserve it. I don't know how I was so blessed and lucky to have him with me. I really am, I love his family too, so much. I hope he never leaves me. id do anything for him and he knows that. I just also pray and hope that I am enough as a person for him to remain loyal faithful well only entertaining all that to me and only me. he is my other half, forever.

my family always taught me that crying wasn't okay. therefore I never really cried growing up. I mean yeah when I got hurt and such but even when I almost broke my nose I didn't cry. It just wasn't something I was allowed to do. everything I felt, every feeling, every moments, etc. I was alone. I really went through life alone. Part of it was my fault yeah I could have opened more up to my aunt a little more and did more with her, but she wasn't that person for me.

Real question is why? why do people willingly choose to hurt others. What am I doing wring in life to have all these people want to leave me and then actually leave. but its more than that people like to see me hurt. for what? maybe I'm too sensitive now and need to back to being an anger bitch. but I fight everyday to be a better person. a happier person. there's just times like I know I'm going to fuck up and I just don't like disappointing people and that is all I seem to be good at. my legal dad is just neglectful and wants to throw my biological father in my mothers face. as if I was at an age to say whether or not who could raise me. At the end they all did a shitty job. It's just crazy how everyone can have an opinion on the way I need to be living my life. I'm always too much this or too much that. I have an angry face and i know that, I know that i always look like that i am angry or that i am upset about something but reality is that im not, i dont really get mad easily. it takes a lot. I just overthink about everything. Like one thing will happen then ill instantly think about the time that it happened before or if it had even happened before, yeah know. i dont know anymore im just rambling and complaining about nothing. i guess typing all of this out feels better than talking to my asshole of a dog or too busy boyfriend.

I've mentally been really good the past couple weeks. I knew the fall was coming. I don't know it would bee when I was drunk. And I didnt expect it to be with my boyfriend.

I politically disagree with the majority of my family, and a lot of his family. I got in an argument we with my boyfriends uncle (a bottle and a half of wine in...). I replied to his comment on a Facebook post, that was shared by another family member. Seconds after I posted my comment, I realized "oh shit, I probably personally attacked instead of remaining factual." I screenshot my comment, deleted it from the post, and sent it to the uncle personally with a HUGE apology message for "if I was rude, I'm sorry. I don't want us to be the reason the family is torn apart." Politically his uncle seems to be right-center; I am left-center. I told my boyfriend about our fight, because it's his family and his serious girlfriend- I felt like he should know about it. He seems to be mad at me now. I've had two bottles of wine, and I'm crying for the first time in 2 and a half weeks. Great. That's EXACTLY the reason I dressed in my favorite provocative outfit and drank two bottles of St. James sweet wine. Thank you.

“A long thread about my personal experiences during this election dealing with my Labour voting family deciding to out themselves as casual racists by voting Tory / Brexit Party in traditional Labour "Red Wall" heartlands

I come from a genuine working class family .

Grandparents were miners and domestic cleaning staff

Dad was butcher , mum was a cleaner and when she remarried after their divorce she married a miner .

I grew up in a two up two down terrace house that my parents rented from the local Co-op society and then moved into a council house in Kendray (Barnsley) when my mum remarried .

One grandad was a NUM union rep ( at Woolley Colliery alongside Scargill )

Other grandad was a NUPE union rep .

Mum and her sister were both UNISON union reps .

I guess what I'm trying to get across is that we were a proper Labour supporting family , cut us in half and we would have Labour running through us like a stick of Blackpool rock .

And yet in this election I was the only one still voting Labour, in traditional "Red Wall" Lab areas.

I'm in Sheffield but my family is split across the Barnsley area, some in Dan Jarvis' constituency, some in Steph Peacocks and some in the Penistone area that's just turned Tory.

How the hell did this happen ?

Why did my mum and step-dad and my Dad and step-mum all vote Brexit Party ?

Why did my brother and his wife and my aunt and uncle both vote Tory ?

They're not stupid people , my step-mum is a nurse and educated to degree level , my brother an accountant and educated to degree level and my sister-in-law a teacher educated to degree level .

We all lived through Thatchers annihilation of our communities when she went after the unions and destroyed Barnsley after and during the Miners strike .

My step-dad lost his job when Woolley Colliery was closed and never worked again .

So how the hell did they all come to abandon Labour and vote for parties whose policies are the complete antithesis of their own needs and aspirations ??

To answer that you've got to look further back than just this last few weeks or months or the last couple of years .

You've got to look a lot further back .

Before the Miners strike everyone I knew lived and worked in Barnsley , my grandparents jobs were in Barnsley , my parents jobs were in Barnsley , my aunt's and uncle's all worked in Barnsley as it seemed did all my friends families.

The aftermath of the strike changed that .

Most people were employed at the Pits or in industry connected to the Pits or in the service industries like retail , pubs etc where the Miners spent their wages.

When those wages went then so did the local economy.

New Labour in 1997 gave people hope of a change but all they brought to the area were low paid minimum wage jobs to replace high paid skilled industrial jobs .

People thought that New Labour when they got in would regenerate and revitalize these traditional working class Lab heartlands.

They didn't.

Yes we got a far better funded NHS and Sure Start etc.

But areas like Barnsley just got left behind , their Labour votes taken for granted.

Life had changed .

Only my mum still worked in Barnsley .

I moved to Sheffield because of work . My dad ended up in Stoke were he met my step-mum before they returned to Barnsley .

My brother , his wife and most other family members worked in other nearby towns and cities , even though they still lived in Barnsley .

Some like my Step-dad and aunt and uncle relied on the benefits system to see them through to retirement age .

Then along came the banking crisis , followed by the high street crisis that saw the likes of Woolworths bite the dust .

Quickly followed by a Tory & Lib Dem government pushing their disastrous Austerity policies.

Areas like Barnsley took another hammering .

Jobs lost in the local economy which had never recovered from Thatcher thanks to New Labours indifference.

Cuts to essential council services and cuts to the NHS locally meaning longer waiting lists and crowded doctors waiting rooms .

And in amongst all this comes Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson .

The poisonous bastards gave everyone in areas like Barnsley exactly what the needed , exactly what they wanted .......

Someone to blame.

Immigrants .

Immigrants let into this country by the EU.

Immigrants taking our jobs .

Immigrants using our NHS

Immigrants taking our council houses

Immigrants filling up our doctors waiting rooms

You see it couldn't just be the Tory's fault that things were rough because it hadn't gotten any better whilst Labour was in power.

So it has to be someone else's fault .

So Farage and Johnson must be correct when they blame immigrants and tells us all politicians are the same

Both narratives that have been pushed relentlessly by Farage , Vote Leave and Johnson

Farage and Johnson must be correct if the news on the telly says the same thing and asks them to come on all the time to talk about it .

Farage and Johnson must be correct if the newspapers all print the same stories blaming immigrants for taking our jobs and our houses and clogging up our NHS .

And Farage and Johnson must be correct if everyone on Facebook is posting the same Memes especially if greasy Brenda from the local chippy is posting it cos she obviously knows here stuff !!!!

Under Thatcher we knew who to blame , the Tory's.

But under Blair who did you blame for life getting no better because of New Labours indifference ??

The politicians , both sides because they are all the same , none of them give a stuff about us .

Under austerity who do we blame ?

Not the Tory's cos they've told us that we are all in this together and there is no other way , we have to all make sacrifices .

So we blame the immigrants , the ones that the EU are forcing us to take .

And by default because we tend to class anyone who's different to us as a potential immigrant then we blame any and all ethnic minorities

All of this whipped up to a frenzy since 2016 by the likes of Farage , Vote Leave , Tommy Robinson , Katie Hopkins , Hartley-Brewer , Rod Liddle and Boris Johnson and his Tory cohorts.

Aided and abetted by the usual cast of idiots at the BBC , ITV and Sky .

Sadly I watched this unfold with my own family over the last 3-4 years and didn't do anything like enough to try and counter it

I ignored the initial flurry of anti EU comments and social media posts partly because I was voting leave too, albeit for completely different reasons

I spent far too long just telling them to stop spouting racist bollocks when they moaned about immigrants instead of actually sitting down and explaining why the stuff they were reading , watching and sharing was wrong and factually false .

I ignored the anti Corbyn comments because I just assumed that when it came around to election time they would just hold their noses and vote Labour as we had all done for years before regardless of the leaders popularity , just as they all had in 2017

I finally realised I hadn't done enough when the election campaign kicked in .

I only work part time now and that's from home so I'd decided to get fully involved in the campaign both on the ground locally and on social media .

Boy did I get the shock of my life when I started posting stuff about Labours plans and manifesto on Facebook .

I got absolutely frigging mullered ...........

by my own family members and friends.

My posts were full of comments from them with arguments and rhetoric that had been drummed into them by Farage and Johnson over the last few years .

My timeline was full of anti Labour Memes .

It got that bad that I ended up deleting my Facebook account .

Most of the family aren't speaking to me and Boxing day this year when we traditionally all meet up at my mum's is going to be an absolute nightmare .

Then you realise it's not just yourself and your own family thats experiencing this .

You speak to a friend in Rotherham and find they've had the exact same experiences.

You get a call from your oldest son in the armed forces to tell you that he's up on a charge after getting into a scuffle with some of his colleagues after being called a muslim loving terrorist supporting traitor just for sharing some Labour stuff on social media

Living in Sheffield possibly led to me being a little insulated from Labours problems .

It's a multi cultural city and apart from the usual quota of nobheads and Tommy Robinson types we all live side by side with few serious problems.

Brexit didn't seem to be as big an issue inside the city as it did in the out-laying towns .

But in fairness things never got as desperate or demoralizing in the cities as they did in the town's and old industrial area's

We weren't looking quite as hard for someone to blame

Corbyn had a definite image problem on the doorsteps .

He had a massive target on his back and there's no denying that the media were able to hit it's bullseye with alarming regularity

But this hadn't been insurmountable during the 2017 election even in areas like Barnsley and Rotherham.

And I genuinely believe that had Jeremy Corbyn been just as intolerant towards immigrants and ethnic minorities as the Tory's were we would have had a very different result.

After all the country happily elected an absolute racist bigot instead of Corbyn

That's an absolutely disgraceful situation to find ourselves in especially when you also come to the realisation that members of your own family voted this way .

How do Labour get voters like my family back ???

More to the point do we actually want them back ???

I'm not sure I want to be related to my own family members at the moment because of their willingness to blame immigration and ethnic minorities for all our ills .

And yes we may have had the policies that would have addressed the problems that led to them voting for the Tory's / Brexit Party but you can't enact those policies if you don't get into government in the first place .

Would a different leader have made a difference to these voters ??

Yes to some of them .

Would a different Brexit policy have made a difference .

Definitely , to most of them

Did they vote this way because they're racist ???

Who genuinely can say ???

I hope that for the ones related to myself that it isn't a deep seated racism , rather just a reaction to a constant and unrelenting malign influence of the mainstream media , targeted Facebook memes and snake oil salesmen like Farage , Johnson and Cummings .

But I guess we won't know that until 2024 when we go to the polls once more , with a different leader , with Brexit no longer an issue and with the realisation that even outside of the EU nothing has changed in Barnsley and similar towns under this bastard of a Tory government”

Link below:

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? no

Who is the person you would least like to be stuck in a lift with? Why? smelly drunk puking rapist murderer - do I really have to explain? If your parents looked in your inbox and read your messages, would they find out anything you didn’t want them to know? my sexts Have you cried at all during the past week? ... When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? now, no comment Who was the last person you had an argument with? how would you feel if that person never spoke to you again? both good and bad

Do you like forks with three metal pokers, or four? I don’t care Would you ever wear a hat with cat ears on it? I already do 

Have you ever eating raw sugar by itself? when I was a kid I was stealing it from my grandma’s sugar-bowl  Do you paint your left or right hand fingernails first? I don’t recall but probably left as I’m righty What about for your feet? not that I paint them but whatever What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done? hmm... Do you think fish are cute? some can be If you found an ant on your food, would you still eat it? doubt it How much do you weigh? 42 kg now

What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? but dates or relationship?

Do you have any theatrical experience? If so, what have you done? just school

Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? every subject you talk about constantly is getting on my nerves tbh

Is there anything you need to say to anyone? I don’t know how/what/if I should/want to

If you could have anyone to do your eulogy, who would it be and why? my dad

If given the choice, would you rather go to Subway or a Chinese restaurant? Subway

Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? many ways

Whose car were you in last? I was in a taxi

How late did you stay up last night? I barely slept at all because of cannula/venflon and feeling like I’m choking, also noise and anxiety

What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? coming home 

Who did you last see in person? mom

When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? today (my father)

What is on your wrists right now? finally nothing and that feels weird, I constantly want to fix my ID wristband but it’s not there anymore

Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? second hand - it has an elephant and Perfectly imperfect written on it

Do you like clowns? very

Are you listening to anything at the moment? I am

Do you twitch when your falling asleep? it happens at times but only rarely

Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? we don’t own a dishwasher

Are you at home or with friends more often? home and I like it that way

Would you date someone 15 years older than you? noooo

Do you own a strapless bra? nah

How are you feeling at this exact moment? it’s complicated

Are you someone who worries too often? absolutely

Do you ever wonder how other people see you? obvi

What is one good thing you’re known for? How about one bad thing? don’t ask me

Are you taller than most? lmfao 

Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home? take a guess...

Has anyone ever said i love you to you and not meant it? it seems

Do you regret going out with the last person you did? going out as dating or just spending time with somebody outside?

When was the last time you showered? few days ago because I couldn’t move my arm :( 

Who did you last talk to in person? my mother

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? yeah

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? hahaha

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? not sure

What area of math are you best at? Worst? dunno

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? only Dorota had similar taste in music to mine not counting my current gf’s love towards 80s songs that we share

How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? often?

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? yes

Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? sure

What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? everything?...

If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? mixed feelings

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? -

Have you ever considered going to art school? I have considered and am slightly regretting that I didn’t

How quickly can you write an essay? depends

Favorite episode of Spongebob? it’s not my fav but I remember the one where Spongebob painted the room most (why tho?)

Do you have any silly/odd emotional connections to anything/anyone? would say so

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? I might

Do u own a rolling pin?: u don’t? :o

What’s your ideal indoor temperature?: never checked 

Does your kitchen have a theme?: ... apparently poop is the theme 

Are u a pack rat?: mhm

What’s the grossest thing u have found in your food?: bug, hair, piece of plastic...

Do u like ice cream sandwiches?: why not

Ever worn a flower in your hair?: for a moment

What surgeries have u had?: none 

What health problems do u have?: what health problems I don’t have?...

Do u like to sleep in?: yasss

Don’t ya just hate foot cramps? who likes those? 

Would you say you have an infectious laugh? not really Shouldn’t you be doing something else right now? omg thx for a reminder :o What is something you worry about often? every single thing Do you walk fast or slow? compared to?... Would you consider yourself healthy? Both mind and body. not at all Does sitting in waiting rooms drive you insane? not as much as majority of people, I can wait for a long time when I see the point and don’t feel the worst, I don’t need much entertainment to not get bored What form of public transport do you use most often? bus Would you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie? the opposite Have you ever been arrested? If so, why? I’m an angel Do you ever put sticky notes around the place to remind yourself of things? I have shitload of notes but they’re not sticky  Would you eat a spider for $50? hell no Would you rather be a kangaroo or a koala? koala Are you easy to talk to? am I? Can you juggle with more than two items? I can’t juggle with one item pfft At airports do you ever worry your luggage won’t arrive? scary but luckily I don’t travel by plane What other windows have you currently got opened? fb, youtube, tumblr drafts, google translator and google searching Who else is in the same building as you? my parents Would you like a penny farthing bicycle? maybe Would you ever consider visiting Ireland? what for? Would you like to visit Venice? no thx Did you ever eat leaves when you were a kid? my sister did Do you have any flags in your house? we occasionally put polish flag on balcony Are there any ‘keep off the grass’ signs where you live? just don’t throw trash on the ground on cemetery Have you ever walked on the grass with such a sign? that’s rude unless you really didn’t notice or had no choice Are you double-jointed? could say so At school which area of science did you prefer: biology/chemistry/physics? definitely not physics Which did you prefer between geography/history? neither Have you ever driven a tractor? didn’t have an opportunity  Does the smell of the countryside bother you? animal shit does Do you drink more water or juice? water 

Sweater weather or tank top weather? Which do you prefer. I like it hot, I hate winter but I enjoy sweaters Is there a cat in the room you’re in right now? stuffed only Do you enjoy going to the movies? prefer to watch movies at home

Are you an animal lover? I admire from afar How tall are you? according to my doctor I lost 2 cm  Is there anything you want to ask anyone right now? God  Are you gay, straight, bi, lesbian, asexual, or not sure? asexual/lesbian Are you more negative or more positive? negative Have you made any life altering decisions lately? I’m deciding

Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? not atm Have you made a CV? several Where is the last place you applied for a job? (If you have) which was the last one... Are you photogenic? I’m ugly

What are you listening to right now? stopped because family member is asleep What are you going to do tomorrow? shopping if anything

Have you ever been judged on something you wore? been bullied

Think QUICK what word begins with c? clown :D

Are you a funny person? I believe  Be honest, do you go for looks more or personality? personality is more important but I’m picky

Are you a flirty person? a bit

Are you homophobic? I’m homo myself so...

How would you react if someone said you ruined their life? I know I ruin everybody’s lives

If you’re home alone, do you still close/lock the door when you use the bathroom? I don’t lock ‘em even when I’m not alone

What’s the stupidest song you’ve listened to today? nothing stupid

How is your hair currently styled? it’s dirty and after this survey I will wash my head finally

Do you ever stay up late just to be awake oh well...

Would you ever write a letter to someone you haven’t met yet, like your future spouse? I don’t think so

Would you rather spend the day watching movies or on an intense hike? entire day just one thing?!

Are you stressed about anything? always Have you ever stood on a frozen solid body of water? too dangerous for me Are you one of those people who take like, 50 Facebook quizzes at a time? whoops :x What’s on your bed? it’s so clean/empty that it freaks me out Are you texting anyone? no longer

Did your last beverage contain caffeine? it was just water

Did you get any friend requests on Facebook today? did not

What’s your least favourite song by your favourite artist? for example - one of my fav bands - Queen - I dislike Radio Gaga and We will rock you

What’s your best friend’s middle name? no middle name!

Who was the last person to comment on your Facebook status? my partner

If the person you miss turned up at your door now, how would you react? woah wtf

Where were you THREE hours ago? in here

What are you wearing right now? my leggings with colorful heart pattern

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? parent

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? I got two shirts and socks 

What day is tomorrow? Friday

Do you remember the first person you ever kissed? we’re together now again

Ever use someone else’s toothbrush? that’s disgusting, don’t!

How We Are All Going to Die Laughing

The other day, I was looking at a post made by one of my favorite internet comic artists.  The guy used to be something I’d read in the army newspapers, next to the adds for cheap TVs at the post exchange, but these days it’s mostly a facebook feed I occasionally read.  The artist and writer behind “PVT Murphy” (though these days Murphy’s a sergeant, I’m aging after all it seems) was annoyed at Facebook showing him a shopping page offering what amounted to white nationalist (US neonazi, if you prefer) paraphernalia.

Now, I pointed out that this was what the robot had concluded he wanted to see, and honestly none of us should be surprised by this.  Military members lean right, and in the age of Trump this means that radicalization is around every corner- though for the record it always has been.  In some insidious ways with a cancer of racists and bigots among our ranks, sure, I know because being gay I was targeted by a few myself, but also in more subtle ways.

I once watched a man scream at some Iraqis who were emptying a waste bin nearby, screaming that they didn’t get him, because he’d been the target of an IED attack two hours prior.  Those men had no way in hell of having anything to do with it, but the guy that hit us got away free and the trash guys looked like someone he could defiantly vent his feelings of helplessness and victimhood upon in a vain effort to reclaim his power.  I’m not condoning it, I’m just saying that sometimes the path to prejudice isn’t paved with propaganda and privilege.

I have every faith in the artist who draws PVT Murphy himself, but if you attract the attention of a lot of white supremacists, then probably the robot is going to conclude that you might want to look at some of the things that all the people who like your posts are looking at.  Hence the shop page that offered a wall pinup of a templar knight preparing to smite the saracen to defend (white) Christendom with a few crass remarks about Islam written on it.

Now I explained, in truncated terms, how the robot made this call.  The artist wasn’t excited about this explanation, and in fairness no one is excited about the black mirror showing them something ugly, it’s almost like an automated attack.  But the machine was really just trying to be helpful.  It wasn’t programmed to be sensitive to racial issues, and certainly the people who took out the add didn’t take that into their considerations.  It identified a pattern and arranged the delivery of data that conformed with its instructions based upon the data input.

Now, some right wing dude decided to join in this discussion to point out that the robot didn’t know what it was talking about, included the terms “lib” and “snowflake” in his post, and suggested that if the robot had any idea who he was it wouldn’t keep showing him liberal content- after all he always used the laugh react on it.  I pointed out this part as well, but I’d like to go into a deeper analysis for this discourse.

The right, and perhaps a lot of people using the reacts on facebook, has decided that you can use the laugh react to express a dismissive chuckle to the words of others.  I think this has several sweeping, problematic implications.

First, the people using the internet are using it to each other, and are either unaware of the robots they share the internet with or ignorant regarding how they function.  The robots do not interpret Laugh as a dismissive gesture.  The data they gather from this is that you were paying attention to something and decided to put a reaction on it.  The Laugh react is not a downvote on reddit, the robot, innocent little helperbot it was made to be, assumes you are amused by the thing you clicked on, and so endeavors to further tickle your funny bone.  In short, it’s your good-natured wholesome friend who doesn’t understand the difference between you laughing with liberals and laughing at us.  It thinks we’re all friends.

This leads to the second problem.  If you are a conservative and you do not care to be bothered with leftist posts, then using the laugh react doesn’t help you at all.  It further engages you with the content that annoys you.  The stuff that caused you to try and put on your dismissive “ha ha tawdry communist drivel” mid-atlantic aristocrat voice is going to keep appearing.  If you’re the sort given to conspiracy theories (and you are my bro, you still hate Hillary for the pizza thing), you might draw the conclusion that you are being targeted by leftist internet operatives, spamming your feed with leftist propaganda.

The truth is you’re spamming yourself with leftist content because your socially clueless helpful robot pal is gonna go out and find more things for you to laugh at.  You’re not special or important enough for leftist internet operatives to target your facebook feed with propaganda attacks, and you have damned yourself to an experience on facebook in which you are bombarded with annoying or even blood-boiling content.  All of this guidance, by the way, is equally applicable to left leaning users of the laugh react as a dismissive gesture.

What this does is contribute to people’s paranoia.  It makes them believe that an enemy that doesn’t exist is trying to get into their heads.  It fills their electronic lives with incendiary content that makes them angry and it encourages them further to continue to have generally unproductive electric arguments with people that they disagree with, leaving them exhausted by a brain full of cortisol.

Personally, I think the Left’s electric sin is more to do with our frankly superior witticisms (sorry Right, you invented and stuck to Nobama, you’re just not witty) and the craving so many of us seem to have for delivering that sick burn one-liner so cutting and succinct that it stops the conservative dead in his rhetorical tracks seems to consume online political discourse on the left almost as aggressively as call-out culture does when arguing among our own.

In the effort to sell us more things by pandering to our professed passions, the capitalist internet has created an electric rage engine that wraps you into one heated argument after another among people who are not listening to one another and who are learning to disengage from hard discussions.  This last part is so dangerous to our democracy.

To be clear, I’m not lamenting the death of compromise specifically.  There can be no compromise on the income gap, healthcre, free elections, or the rights of people who are darker in skin than I.  But the electric rage engine makes it difficult to even have conversations about these things in the real world, and if you’re not talking to the people you disagree with face to face in the here and now, your chances of finding compromise are precisely zero percent, nevermind actually changing their views.

Have you noticed yourself having conversations with people that could just be copy pasted almost word for word off the tumblr where they “informed” themselves about this topic?  I’ll bet that you have.  Or else, more dangerously, you have begun to avoid having such conversations at all with people.  Have you ever been in a discussion turned friendly debate with your friend and realized after a few moments that the debate isn’t suddenly so friendly?  I’m willing to bet it’s been a while, so much so that you might even be shocked if it happens.

People like to go on about how fraught the holidays can be because of how politically charged family dinners can be, but I can’t remember such an experience within the past ten years.  No throw down arguments, no discussions about the merits of one tax policy or another- we can’t even seem to discuss weighty matters with people who are blood kin anymore unless we already know they agree with our own views- and thanks to the electric rage engine, we can know, in precis, what their views are and what we think about them as a result long before we ever think about what to put in our covered dish.  The opportunity for someone stepping into a landmine social or foreign policy issue at family and social gatherings has been eliminated, and with it the ability of the dinner table to serve as a place for families to reach consensus by resolving their arguments.  We don’t talk politics with people who disagree with us in the real world anymore, we all just avoid it and spit our venom on the internet, achieving nothing but our mounting unhappiness and dislike for one another.

I have a young colleague at work, maybe 25, who demonstrated the ability to just promptly end a discussion last week.  Now it was a nonsense discussion and in fairness the participants had gotten into trolling him for kicks, saying a blue shirt was green on purpose or some other nonsense, I don’t remember the particulars.  But what I do remember vividly was the ease and efficiency with which he was able to simply end the discussion, how disengagement came so very naturally to him.  I despise the phrase “agree to disagree” because it means that the argument hasn’t been resolved, but it is at least a sign that there was actual thought going on between participants.  No such gesture here.  My colleague put down the conversation and simply went back to his work with all the ease with which you might put down your phone when you decided you were done arguing with someone, and the ability to do this in realspace chilled me to the bone.

Moreover, there is a certain epistemological nihilism that has arisen among us, suggesting that no one can truly know anything because the sources of information, with whatever omissions or biases they may possess, are a matter of consumerist choice rather than objective fact.  We can’t agree on what is real anymore because if you dislike someone’s account of events, you can simply get someone else to present a more palatable story and declare the other people liars.

If you don’t like what you read on NBC, you can simply tune to Fox to hear it told in a way that you choose to consume, often playing to your appetite for validation rather than your need for actionable information.  We like feeling right, and the consumerist information economy has identified that as a means to get our attention long enough to upload some ads along with our news video of choice.

If the very identity of a person can be expressed by a computer algorithm and 4 or 5 hundred clicks across news articles, think pieces, and shopping pages, how easy will it be for the people who do understand how the machines work to begin influencing who we are?

In closing, I think every single one of us is developing a progressively more toxic relationship with the internet, particularly when it comes to political discourse, and I think that if we aren’t especially careful our ability to simply shut down and switch off, while healthy on the web, is going to begin invading our lives in the waking world in insidious ways that will hurt our ability to function as a cohesive society. I think that the marketing robots and the very act of making a profile and posting to it things that are important to you are dangerous influences on our sense of identity, and that by wrapping our sense of identity in the ideas and products that we consume in such a contrived, calculated fashion that we are restricting our ability to be flexible in our thinking, making us less able to get along with one another.  

I’ve been on a soft departure from Facebook for a good while now, making it my loose rule to stick to messenger and instagram because I like indulging my vanity but for the most part I want to be interacting with people directly and not selling myself for likes when I use these things.  Real attention from real people  is much much better.  

In 2020, I invite you to join me in kicking facebook or your own social media vice altogether and bringing our political lives and our debates back into the real world so that we can practice and re-acquire the skills of persuasion and discussion; not as a cynic call to begin trying to convert every conservative we can find, but for the sake of a political discourse that serves as less of a battleground with immovable ideological fortresses and more of a crucible in which the useless can be burned away and useful consensus and meaningful, mind changing-discussions can be had once again.  We cannot afford to keep unsubscribing from one another if our democracy is to survive. (<- leftist witticism addiction in demonstration)

Omg

People need to stop using what they think are intellectual arguments to try to shade at shit while COMPLETELY MISUSING IT.

Example: There was a cross in the reunion episode!

Okay, great, let’s look at all the other uses of crosses. Oh look, episodes about faith, faith, faith, faith, faith, and faith. Right after not believing in anything, not backshadowing him with the cross, reuniting, and then having the cross, only to later confirm he now has faith.

Thing someone thinks is occam’s razor: It could mean anything any time and at any moment could mean something totally different without any regard to the base themes being employed literally every time. It could just mean resurrection like jesus!

What’s actually occam’s razor: The cross is tied to faith theme episodes. Like, I don’t know. The episode Faith.

Y’all stop. It’s like arguing from an angle of belligerently intentional ignorance.

And losing your patience with people who have no idea what they’re talking about downtalking at people who know what they’re talking about, after fucking up and making their own bed to begin with while they stomp around like a child and get other angry bitter people stomping with them to make a fuss -- getting annoyed, at any point, is in no way the sign of being the More Logical Person. Sometimes you’re so illogical you piss everybody around you that knows what’s up, off. See: Kelios. 

If your only victory point is staying calm while you piss off people that know better, you’re not smarter. You’re just annoying. You know how there’s that “annoying stupid Republican” idea floating around out there where they just can’t say anything without being annoying or infuriating? It started somewhere. And it’s not because Someone Lost To Them. It’s because ain’t nobody got the time for their Headass.

PS: It’s not “stuck up” to cite your actual career, education, or whatever else after already being driven up a wall by a bunch of bitter fansplaining from people who can’t grasp concepts like the above. If someone’s talking on an elementary school level to a person who works in an industry, the person will first gently tell them how it works, and when the child starts kicking and huffing and throwing insults, will call a parent, but if no parent’s available, they get “you’ll understand when you grow up” and that’s essentially what’s happening here.

Being intentionally fucking numbskulled about things because someone wants to be bitter and act like they understand a business, when they literally do not understand the business, and have shown they do not know the business, and continue to insist to yell down at people that know about the business, eventually makes people who know the business go “You do know I’ve done this for a living and you’re totally on crack, right?”

If all of the people with Actual Experience are saying a thing, maybe you should stop trying to Fansplain or Hobbysplain shit to them and actually consider adjusting your perspective instead of acting entitled all the time. 

Imagine trying to be a trainee in a workplace with this attitude.

Machinist: Okay, these are the lathe codes. Just use these, and avoid this one.

Trainee: What’ll happen if I enter this instead.

Machinist: Don’t, that jams up the machine for some reason.

Trainee: That doesn’t make any sense! You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Machinist: Look, kid. Just don’t. If anything goes wrong, hit this emergency stop button.

Trainee: I’ve read online that some of those buttons break the machine

Machinist: I... look. Hit emergency stop if anything goes wrong.

Trainee: Don’t tell me what to do.

Machinist: I been working here 30 years kid.

Trainee: That doesn’t matter, you’re just pulling the experience card, I’m skilled too.

Machinist: .....

[ 2 hours later Trainee punches in code he’s told not to and bores at a bad angle and burns out a multi-hundred-thousand-dollar machine because he didn’t use emergency stop, loses his job ]

Ask me how I know a story like this, while we’re at it.

Frankly, no. Alone, a degree doesn’t count for a whole lot. There’s an assload of educated idiots that manage a passing grade and then never see the profession in the real world. But when the people who have been out there, in the real world, dealing in an area, are telling you what they know, maybe you should give it some consideration. But when that degree is, say, a double degree lit professor, or that degree is someone in marketing that’s also run all levels of the actual industry for years on end, maybe they might know a little something about something that your basic lit course or bitterness aren’t taking into account.

Apologies to you, random blogger #89234 with an interest in a thing, but if the accumulated hobby information you’ve collected is outright in conflict (see machinist example) of How Things Actually Work, you cease being a supreme authority, and if you start acting like a little prick about it to people who actually know the ropes, well -- we can’t fire you from the internet (as appealing as that sounds at times), but we can deadass tell you “you have no idea what you’re talking about.” HOW DO U KNOW “BECAUSE I’VE DONE THIS FOR A LIVING.” HUrRruUrURRRr thAT donT meaN anyTHING

Yes, yes it does. It means I’ve been there, I’ve watched things be set up, be destroyed, transition, be debated over, been in the heart of it. It means I’ve watched friends lose their gigs and get sidelined and others take off so hard we barely maintain contact anymore. It means I’ve had to listen to marketing groups piss and moan over working titles because it’s not X enough for Y demographic (you want to know a pain in the ass? marketing test group runs for pagan mythology LGBT friendly content in a southern religious conservative region --and you know what, I can release that, because it’s mine and a discontinued project now; unlike, say, if one of us happened to land at a CW/SPN marketing test group somewhere and happened to have to sign an NDA about what they were polling about).

It means I watch when a TPTB family member posts in a private facebook group and it means I talk to the sound dev crews about how they make certain things -- not some one off room-mating or the occasional DM or whatever, because we can all talk actual shop and not fanbuzz; in fact, I’ve BEEN a roommate people tried to get stuff out of and they probably walked away thinking they were super in-the-know while there’s a thousand things I didn’t/couldn’t say but they’d never know; and it means I know which of my fandoms have shared PAs you guys never knew by name; it means they can actually break out about the kind of lenses and audio devices they used to perform a certain shot and the abstract methods they attained it and I can actually come back with a suggestion that doesn’t embarrass both of us to sit out there in the air; it means I know how to appeal to a shifting demographic and discuss the problems in limited circulation.

 It means that I know how the gears of a machine work and don’t just sit from the outside going “well maybe it’s-” no, it’s this, this, and that. No, you don’t get to pontificate what you think Actually Is In It when I literally know What Is In It. That isn’t how reality works. Well you can, but the reality of it is that no, your opinion or Hot Take(TM) aren’t equal. I don’t care if you’ve gone to teaparties with them, I really don’t. 

The quickest way to get someone from a creative team to disengage from actual content conversation and instead feeding you fluff is when you obviously have no idea of the machinations involved and are coming as a fan or hobbyist. You don’t think people can tell the difference. You think you sound like you’re exceptional. But when you open your mouth it takes about two seconds for us to know. 

I can turn a regional studio owner’s ear in the middle of a freaking dollar general by saying a few things; or a major music producer; why? Because we’ve been there. And we’ve been there long enough when y’all try to come up talking like you know shit.

Reality: You don’t. I don’t care how many clickbait articles someone has written. I literally have 0% care for how much public facing PR you’re fed. Or anything you think is non-public facing that they were willing to give You, the general You, a fandomite or hobbyist or yes, reporter. Hell, the latter list of LOL tends to think X rando directing assistant or whatever will have All The Secrets at a business level. Thing is, when I was any kind of PA or adjacent, I sure as hell didn’t delude myself into knowing everything going on above my head, just what I needed to know. Do it long enough and yes, you learn the business mechanics themselves but no one person beyond the upper executives is gonna know everything. Each knows what their job specification is.

Frankly, again I say, if you want to really know what’s going on, you check out what marketing is polling, because that’s what Big Business is putting in discussion, and really, that’s that. Then again, if you get into the groups, enjoy that NDA, and not being able to tell anybody about anything about it, and just waving your arms emphatically about an idea that people try to lol about.

Am I talking SPN? Am I talking something else I worked on or attended or know about? In the end, does that really matter? 

Not all topics come down specifically to experience and expertise within a subject, but some do, and if you’re out here acting like a twidiot over it, eventually, the people who work in it go, “look y’all bless your heart but we actually do this, so sit down?”

Nobody’s saying you CAN’T meta or lit crit without a degree or experience, but if you’re out there being a shady fuck towards people who literally know what they’re doing, with minimal to no actual substance to your shade, just convenience to those who want to believe you, then yes. The people who actually know what they’re doing > the people that don’t and are just ass speaking  or throwing “what ifs” or “it could bes” on hunches regardless of the follower counts attached.

A lot of people do good meta or spec without a degree or experience, because they just have a good reading and, I don’t know, understand what shit like Occam’s Razor actually means. It’s not mandatory. But if you’re about to start swinging on someone, son, just because you’re piloted by bitterness and aren’t even thinking to 1+1 this charade, you should probably check your narcissism points if you’re butting off at-random against people who do have experience and a fairly synchronized understanding.

Or at least more than piss-poor long-disjointed sub-par disembodied and fractal arguments that sum to nothing, their captain wank planet forces combined.

There’s a pillar or two of meta and Destiel meta fandom I avoid like the plague because I can read it’s pure fluff and completely uncorroborated with an actual basic application of Occam’s Razor. That doesn’t mean I spend my time shading them or dragging their crap out or picking fights with them or just being a bitch about it on my blog.

A few people could learn from that.

My mamoo passed away last week. When my friends and co-workers asked who I lost, I called him “my uncle”, but in English, he’d be more accurately described as my “first cousin once-removed” or my mother’s cousin. I have been devastated to lose him. Some folks not familiar with the culture I was raised with probably read this and think: "I’m not even that close to my first cousins, so why is he grieving about his Mom’s cousin?" As with all of my work, I am incredibly loathe to explain things that are inherent to my perspective or attempt to validate my world view as the child of Muslim immigrants.

But I think the reason I grieve my mamoo is important. And I want people to know the reason. I also want my family, who for better or worse all share Facebook as a common platform, to understand what he meant to me.

The crux of the importance is in that word, mamoo. "Mother’s brother."

In Urdu and in practice, we never distinguished between my mother’s actual brother and my mother’s cousin, nor my father’s sister and my father’s cousin. All were the same. And family comes with things like loyalty, respect, and unconditional love. It also comes with drama and arguments. But family is there for you.

Now like any family, you are closer to some branches and less to others. For whatever reason, this mamoo and his three other siblings has always been very close to our branch. Every single one of my mother’s four cousins has been deeply present throughout my life. They were (and are!) older than my parents and all but one were born in British India, in Panipat, before Partition.

Somehow, losing him, especially so suddenly, made me (and my sister Zainab, who independently came to the same conclusion) realize something — the culture of my mother’s family (and probably my father’s too) is seeped through with a refugee’s loss of home. My mother and everyone younger than her only knew Pakistan, but they inherited this trauma of their parents losing self, of losing home, of giving up what we knew to go to a new homeland and not by choice. And they passed that down to us. I’ve written about why this Partition means a lot previously here (https://www.buzzfeed.com/ahmedaliak…/not-quite-eat-pray-love). But even still I did not realize that how deeply these lessons penetrated my consciousness until I lost my mamoo.

My mamoo was a child when that happened. I can't even bear to think of all the young children whose lives ICE has ruined, but while mamoo and family would never be able to return home to India, the family stayed together at least. And he and his siblings have been a living link to that past we were inculcated with. My grandfather died when I was two, so my mamoo was the oldest man on my mother’s side that I regularly spent any time with. I hesitate to say he was like my grandfather, because that wasn’t the relationship at all and it feels pandering to American sensibilities of what familial love is. But still, whether he knew it or not, he was one of the most important elder men in my family and I see his influence on many in our generation. The loss was not just of a beloved family member — but of another pillar that was holding the family together, despite us dispersing throughout the world and away from Panipat.

Now, I want to point out that I have not personally experienced any suffering from this sort of “refugee” mindset, as it might imply to some. I have immense social and economic privilege as the children of two doctors and I have everything I could have ever asked for. But I do have this feeling that our culture, our family, our love for another may be eroded over time away from home. My grandparents worried that time in Pakistan would erode the culture from Panipat. And I worry that time here will erode some of the good that I learned from Pakistani culture. There is no strict value to this change, but when I talk with outsiders about my family, they remark that they admire how close we are. How much we are there for each other. And I never want to lose that.

On a personal level, there were many things I admired about my mamoo. He was present at every function he could be, no matter how far. Despite living in Pakistan and the UK, he visited my dying mother an incredible amount of times with his wife, my mami-jaan, who we also lost a few years back. I would often wake up from the deep sadness of knowing you’re going to lose a parent to see that yes, once again, Lutfi mamoo and Anwar Mami had came. I would ask him…. “Did you come from Pakistan?” not believing he had made the trip again, just to sit with his younger sister. And inevitably, he had. He made it seem like it was nothing at all, that to be there for us in our time of need was as easy as breathing. Mashallah. I wish to be like that in my family’s lives one day.

He was funny and loving and giving. You could be stuffed full of food and he would still literally stick his hand down your throat with food. My father was never much of a feeder in that way, so I never stopped being tickled watching this grown man lovingly present his entire khandan with nawallas to choke down at every meal. Until I was his next target of affection and I had to find a way to fend him off.

Once, he fed me the most delicious nihari of my life…. And immediately I fell unbearably sick with food poisoning, as did my sisters. But I recovered. And he served nihari again. I told him I wouldn’t eat it a second time, but he insisted… he said the sheermal we had eaten the nihari with was stamped on by the shopkeepers feet. "Just don’t eat the sheermal." So I happily ate it again, sans sheermal, only to be poisoned again. My sisters smartly avoided the second serving. I survived, but when I returned five years later, he served us nihari again and this time, despite his legendary insistence, I had learned to say no (he blamed the sheermal again). But my father did not, and he was the victim for the third iteration of this dangerous nihari. I had never him sweat like that. But I laughed at Lutfi mamu’s belief in our stomachs ability to persevere and his belief in showing love through food. It was, after all, the best damn nihari ever. I don’t regret eating it twice.

Before Facebook was ubiquitous, I’d get completely random Skype calls from him. I always found it a bit strange, since the older generation rarely called me at that age. And even more interesting, he’d often be calling in bed, against a generic white painted wall. And I’d ask him if he was calling from Lahore, his home. And no, he’d be calling me from Zanzibar or somewhere else in East Africa his business took him. I didn’t even know his job took him there! But he called me to ask how I was doing, to update me on his life, to connect us. As a lot of Pakistanis know, oldest children are valued and when you’re a younger sibling, you can sometimes feel ignored. But I never felt that way with my mamu. Those calls were such intensely memorable experiences of an elder treating me as if I was worthy. That I was valuable to him. I don’t even remember what we talked about, but it stayed with me, that he decided I was worth calling.

I am better at reflecting on the dead than the living. But I would remiss also to not mention his four daughters who have always treated us with a lot of love and affection as well, a legacy they got from both their parents. And of course, I can’t forget to eulogize his wife, Anwar Mami, who I have such fond memories watching cricket and cooking pullao with. I remember she was very impressed I had taken the effort to learn the family dish and I don’t believe my cooking deserved the level of praise she gave me. But that’s just the way she was with me.

Back to the original thrust of this: Lutfi Mamu was not the first person to die recently. We have lost so many elders in the past few years, including Mamu’s older sister, Khalida Khala, who I don’t believe I wrote anything about because it felt so freakish as well, that one day my beloved Khala could be there, and then be gone to a medical complication. And the same with Mami jaan who died to a long battle with cancer, as did my mother and Nuzhat Usmani’s husband Salahuddin Khalu. And then, of course, things repeat themselves. And Lutfi mamu died to a complication, to a battle with recovery.

And I realize that these things are not freakish, they are not strange. They are the norm. It happened to my parents and they felt the loss of Panipat and it will happen to us and we will feel the loss of Pakistan. One day my generation and I will look around and we will be carrying the torch of the legacy of the family. For better or for worse, we all took something from our family. I don’t know that I valorize any family value besides loving the fuck out of your family, besides being there for people who need you, besides loving to share food. A lot of other stuff is negotiable and I don’t want to say that I think inherently being an Usmani is good.

But being a family who loves each other. Where a cousin’s child can grieve his mamoo, to feel truly and bitterly lost at losing another model of Usmanihood, of family, of loving…. That is what I believe we should hold on to. Because it’s easy to transition to new ways of living, of nuclear families and of individual needs over those of the many. But for me, that way lies a deep, painful loss. I don’t want to let that happen. Because ammi, my mamoo, my mami jaan, my khala, and all the others we lost would be intensely pissed to know that the family is not together. And a week in London with the family has me confident that we can make it work, but it requires humility and sacrifice. It requires calls from Zanzibar and force feeding nihari that makes you shit out your face and your ass because it comes with a moment of bliss.

After my mamoo’s funeral, I saw my niece Laila play with her cousins, who are my mom’s cousins grandchildren. And I hope in thirty years, when they all grow up, they’re still connected. Because we did the fucking work and made the calls.

EDIT: i keep editing this to add clarification, but i think at this point i need a new comment.

one, i am sure there are buzurgon i have forgotten to name. one major one i forgot is rehmat amma, who was truly and absolutely the legacy of my nani on this earth during my lifetime. and i am sorry if i have forgotten others, but i pray that all of their souls are at ease

two, one of the bitter contradictions about having a huge, closely knit family is that deep layers of sweet familiarity and love are also marked by constant, repetitive cycles of loss and death. it’s a hard, but i think ultimately useful perspective to have on life. death is ever-present, for each of us, and whether you turn to god for explanation or you use the loss to find balance, i believe it is useful to know that life is short and it ends and it ends and it ends. I wouldn’t trade that knowledge for anything.

October 5th and 6th, 2018 (Friday and Saturday)

Cebu, New Friends, Excursions

When I went to bed in the hostel, I just laid down and was still in my day clothes. As mentioned before, some idiot from our 8 bed dorm turned off the AC. Maybe it was too cold but I woke up burning up inside early in the morning.

After the AC was turned back on, I kind of layed in bed for a little bit. I looked up the nearest gym available. For some reason it’s so refreshing to me to go to a gym in a different place. I found they had anytime fitness around the corner and I was pretty much jumping for joy inside because I’m a member back home.

I wasn't really interested in having breakfast first so I left with just my phone and headphones. Anytime fitness was literally around the corner in the top floor of a four story plaza.

I walked in and went to the front desk. I said to the woman working, “hi, I’m an anytime fitness member in the states and don’t have my key fob, can you look me up?” She looked pretty resistant off the hop. She immediately said “sorry, we can’t look you up here. But you can pay 500 pesos for a day or 3000 pesos for the month.” I was taken aback. I told her I am already a member and paid that in the states monthly already. I said, “I’ve gone to anytime fitness in other countries and they could look me up. This is the first time I’ve ever had issue because anytime fitness happens anywhere anytime when you’re a member.” She half ass looked me up when the flag on the search box was still showing the Philippines. It said “not found.” She then asked if I had ID. I showed her my license and passport on my phone. She said it wasn’t enough. I told her to get the manager.

The manager came out and had a disappointed look on his face as he introduced himself. I told him the story and he said “Sorry, but if you don’t have a key fob you can’t come in.” I told him I wasn’t expecting to be near an anytime fitness in the Philippines. He then went back to saying that even foreigners always have their key fob when they come and asked me why I didn’t have mine.

The argument had my blood boiling. I then showed them my bank statement that I just had money withdrawn from my bank account October 1st from the company. They said it still wasn’t proof. Then I said what if I had my dad take a picture of it. The manager said he would need to see a live video. I was thinking you gotta be kidding me.

I called my dad on Facebook messenger and it was already 11pm for him. He got up and looked in my room and found my one set of car keys. I had to inform him he had to go on the hunt for my other set that had a purple key fob on it. I felt bad, I made him look in my car, in my bombed messy room, and it took him a while before he stumbled upon them on my dresser.

I showed them the live video of my dad holding up my keys in the camera. Then they said “well what’s the number on the fob.” I asked my dad and he said needed to find a magnifying glass because the numbers were so small. He hunted all around the garage and found it with some digging. I gave them the number and the 1 hour or so ordeal was done. It was principal I went through that because I’m a paying member. They finally let me workout after all that and I killed a great workout. People probably think, “you’re in the Phillipines why are you stressing over the gym.” I’ve kind of lost my gym mojo since being here. It was like I found my home when I saw their was an air conditioned, non polluted, clean gym to go to. And I had a membership!

After the gym I went back to the hostel where they had some cheap food options. After I ordered I saw Anna. Anna was one of the girls from last night that was sitting in a different group. I asked her what her and her friend Carys were doing for excursions. Anna said she would ask Carys and come back in a few minutes while I was eating.

Anna is from Scotland and Carys is from the U.K. and they just arrived to the Philippines. They are also nomads in their 20’s. Anna’s travel stories are incredible, she has has spent five years working in and out of many countries. It makes me feel like my moments of traveling in a country for a month is the equivalence of me going from NY to Canada for a week. She can actually say she had lived in places like New Zealand and Vietnam.

They came back to the table and Carys was extremely hung over after last nights shinanigans. They both arrived earlier in the day and started drinking many hours before I arrived. Anna and I encouraged Carys to maybe put something in her stomach. She ordered an oatmeal and a smoothie but was unable to touch it. She excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she came out she was all smiles and was much perkier. She was able to take in some of her lunch.

We sat at the outdoor picnic tables for what felt like hours of just talking. Once we decided on a tour I told the front desk. I excused myself from the girls so I could walk around the area we were in and maybe find a nail salon.

After walking for a while, I couldn’t find A nail salon anywhere. I did stumble upon a massage spot. For only 250 pasos, I experienced the most painful foot massage of my life.

I got a message from Carys while I was walking back that they were going to go to a cafe bookstore called “books and brews.” I replied yes and was almost back at the hostel. When I got back they were already ready and we headed out.

We made it to the bookstore through a random restaurant alley. It felt like a New York City speakeasy. I ordered the soup and sandwich with a latte. The other girls also ordered a hot latte. It was funny because we all shared that we were normally all or nothing when it came to having drinks. I typically don’t drink alcohol much at all. It doesn’t interest me to have “one or two beers.” I’d rather have coffee or water. Depending on the crowd, my surroundings, the atmosphere, and most importantly, how conversations are going- all depend if I dip into the “I’ll have a blue moon.”

I urged the ladies I had to go back because I had to use the bathroom and the toilets there didn’t have rims. It would be okay if I just had to pee, but I couldn’t squat for like 5 minutes straight for other duties. Filipinos must have quads of steal.

Also, I was supposed to meet Kevin out later. He said there was a table that Blui reserved. We left the restaurant and I started getting ready. Kevin messaged me he was on his way to pick me up. It was the first time I was in a car in the Philippines that wasn’t a taxi!

Kevin picked me up, he was dressed really well. Made me bummed out that I had a pour selection of clothes. I had to be up and ready BY 4am for the excursion the girls and I were taking. Kevin had a 7AM flight to catch to Manila. We figured it would be a short night.

We arrived to the bar Blui and his friends were supposed to be. I guess they were on Filipino time. After a few drinks, I thought I saw a recognizable face. “Is that the mayor from ABCD beach in Guiuan?” He came out of his vehicle with a woman. Kevin had no idea he would be here and we waved him over. It’s crazy that he also came from an entirely different island and to run into the same face. He also flew out of Tacloban to Cebu.

After an appetizer was ordered, Blui and his guests finally arrive after 11pm. We were all pouring sweat in our outside table while the inside was air conditioning. Everyone was content being outside, I kept having to go inside to use the bathroom but really just to catch the cool air.

Time flew, 4 mojios later it was already 230am. Kevin dropped me off at the hostel where my head literally hit the pillow and in an hours time my alarm went off at 330 to get up for the excursion.

4am whale shark tour

I actually didn’t feel as terrible as I thought. Carys and Anna got in the back of our private transport car and I sat front seat. I wanted to sleep the three and a half hours to the whale shark tour. I have a really hard time sleeping in cars naturally but our driver made it so much worse. He constantly started conversation, and as the front seat passanger I wanted to be polite and talk to him a little.

Constantly, the driver would ask..”So Mam, in your country…” over and over again. With different questions from wages to asking me if I could get him a job as a driver. He then asked me if I knew any mechanics to help get him a job. I said flat out, “I really don’t know, literally go there and apply yourself everywhere.” I had to tell him “okay I’m gonna sleep now. My eyes are closing..” he would say “okay mam you sleep now.”

As I tried to sleep I felt like the guy was intentially speeding up to slam on his breaks. By far the worst driver ever. We were all jolted around the car unnecessarily. It was very frustrating. I would doze off and it’s like he was speed, brake, and swerve at the same time causing my head to bounce off the side door. I would look up in a slight panic and it would be a straight road in front of us. I would give him an annoyed WTF look but didn’t have the balls to say anything. If he became a driver in the states he would lose his license first week. Or run a family over.

We arrive to the whale shark tour at about 8am. It was already packed and we had to wait about 45 minutes until our numbers were called. After we waited we all jumped aboard these boats that would take us maybe 30 yards from the shore line. They had 8 whale sharks they were feeding and allowed us to get out and swim with them but not touching them. It was scary and surreal At the same time. There was a time the biggest one was coming straight at me with its mouth opening and closing like some kind of jaws. I saw him through my snorkel and panicked sloth holding on to one of the balancing bamboo beams. The boat men laughed as I screamed. Turns out, I survived. It was cool because Carys had a go pro and caught some great photos.

After the whale sharks we were able to grab lunch. The girls and I sat down and ordered some food. I noticed the driver was sitting afar not eating. When the food came out I went over and invited him to join us. I scraped half of my food onto his plate which was abou 6 shrimp and a ton of seasoned noodles. He began speaking Waray to the server and she brought out pork and rice for him as well alone with an orange soda. I was a bit confused but I guess he could have managed to order his own and I lost half of my meal for nothing. He shared some rice with me.

It came time to pay for the meal. We all dug for our last dollars and worked on configuring how to pay for the drivers additional add on meals. Afterwards he got up and said “ready?” And had no intention of paying. His meal was the most expensive one to pay for so we were all taken back that he added on to the bill. There was also no thank you in return. It was just a bit awkward.

Kawasan Falls

We then headed to the waterfalls which was another 2 hour drive. The spazzing drive was turning our stomachs. As we were just arriving, Anna said “good because I think I was going to be sick.”

We arrived and it was an obvious path the the falls. We were bombarded by locals demanding money and entrance fee in which we forwarded them to our driver. Our excursion was supposed to include our entrence fee and the driver kept asking us to pay. Our driver disappeared for about 15 minutes and then arrived again with another man. The other man was eager to take our photos and was acting as a “tour guide.” The girls and I caught on that he might expect payment at the end. They all voted me to tell him that we didn’t need a tour guide. I went up to the guy and was pretty blunt. “Hey sir. We don’t need a guide we want to be alone- thanks.” He proceeded forward without responding. We didn’t see him for a bit.

We arrived to the huge heavy flowing light blue waterfalls. It was heavily commercialized with a lot of rules and a lot of areas where you had to pay money if you wanted to do anything. You had to rent a life jacket if you wanted to swim close and had to pay 300 pesos if you wanted a table. We did our own thing and refused both. The other guy returned who started to ask if we wanted our photos taken. We blatenly ignored him and took our own photos of eachother. We kept playing around with the “throw your hair back” photos. water was freezing but amazing.

Once we left we had our tour guide take us to the hostel in Oslob where whale sharks were. We tipped the driver 300 pesos for driving us back. The hostel we arrived to was very basic but beautiful. It was called Salangers hostel. It had at least 16 dorm bunk beds in the one room with us being the only people at the moment.

The first thing that caught our eye was this adorable puppy that was half Dalmatian and half lab. It was the first dog I’ve seen that was actually a pet. What is more heartbreaking is that his name was Buddy. I had a delmation and labordoodle and the labordoodle’s name was Buddy.

The hostel owner gave us a ride to downtown Oslob which was tiny and we as dinner at a pizza shop. We don’t even eat much just craved mango juice and a salad then tricycled back.

When we returned, the Canadian from the hostel 7 in Cebu city was there. He was like “hey Courtney!” I said “Sam!” It’s crazy how I kept running into the same people all around. Sam was from Vancouver Canada and was traveling alone while he is out of work. Where he has already gone is where I’m going. We were kind of on the same path but opposite. He was easy going and comfortable to be around.

Sam sat outside and picked up this cute kitten that was meowing around him. I was so surprised he did that but also happily impressed. The animals are so unpredictable here, were finally in a spot where a puppy and kitten are easy to handle and play with like your common domestic animal in the states.

Just as we were about to head to bed a guy from the Congo came in who was also traveling alone. He spoke French but lived in China. Him and Sam planned the whale sharks the next day.

I chose a bottom bunk and put my ear plugs in and eye covering on. The beds were worse than prison beds and it felt like we were upside down.

Are Republicans Voting In Democratic Primary

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/are-republicans-voting-in-democratic-primary/

Are Republicans Voting In Democratic Primary

Why Some Conservatives Are Voting In Michigan’s Democratic Primary

Republicans launch Operation Chaos 2020 ahead of SC Democratic Primary

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. Katey Morse is on a journey of political atonement.

“I’ve gone on Facebook and apologized to family and friends and said hey, I made a mistake,” the 39-year-old Michigan resident said last year of her 2016 vote for Donald Trump.

Morse said that she got caught up in Trump’s celebrity and was impressed by his business record. And she assumed that the bravado she saw and heard on TV was just a character put on for the campaign trail that would subside once he got into office.

But she said she had learned since then that it wasn’t an act. A turning point for her came in March 2019, when she took her son to a Trump rally. She was horrified. Afterward, Morse had to have a conversation with the boy, then 7, about how not to talk about other people.

And as the Democratic primary season began to take shape last year, Morse started to consider voting blue.

It’s a choice some moderate Republicans across the state are also grappling with ahead of Tuesday’s Democratic primary contest. NBC News spent time with voters in Kent County, where Morse lives, just outside Grand Rapids. The hometown of Gerald Ford, the area is a traditionally Republican stronghold. Some Republicans here said they feel lost because they no longer recognize the party they grew up with. They’re wary enough about another four years of Trump’s presidency to consider the Democratic candidates.

Do I Have To Affiliate With A Political Party

No, you do not. If you do not select a political party on your voter registration application, you will be “unaffiliated” with any political party. This means that you will generally not be able to vote in party primary elections, but you will be able to vote in any nonpartisan primary elections held in your jurisdiction, such as a primary election to select nominees for the board of education.

Can A Democrat Vote For A Republican

The Democratic Party and the Republican Party are the two major parties in America. Before the general election takes place, there is a process called the primary election. The primary election is how registered voters determine the candidate for the nomination of each political party for the general election. The general election is the election that determines who becomes the President of America.

The question is, can a democrat vote for a republican?

In answering the question on whether a democrat can vote for a republican, it is essential to note that the answer depends on the type of election in question. For closed primary elections, only persons that register as members of a particular party can vote, and in such a situation, they must vote for their party candidate. For an open primary election, the voters can vote for any party without declaring their affiliation to a political party.

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California And Primary Election Alternatives

A “modified closed primary” was in effect in California from 2001 to 2011. Each political party could decide whether or not they wish to allow unaffiliated voters to vote in their party’s primary. This appeared to avoid the constitutional concerns of both the open and the closed primary. In the 2004 and 2006 primary elections, the Republican, Democratic, and American Independent parties all opted to allow unaffiliated voters to request their party’s ballot. However, since the 2008 presidential primary election, only the Democratic and American Independent parties have taken this option, while the Republican party has not.

In 2011, the state adopted a “modified open primary”. Individual citizens may vote for any candidate, and the top two candidates regardless of party will advance to the general election. The Presidential election is exempt from this voting method as it is a contest for delegates rather than a direct election for an office.

A potential side effect of the open primary is that parties that run more candidates may find themselves at a disadvantage, since their partisan supporters’ votes will be split more ways in the primary and thus those candidates may have a harder time reaching the top-two ranking when competing with parties that run fewer candidates.

From Ohio To Florida Your Cheat Sheet For The Next Crucial Primaries

Five states voting Tuesday could be make-or-break for some presidential candidates. A primer on whos voting and what outcomes are likeliest

Tue 15 Mar 2016 11.00;GMT Last modified on Fri 9 Feb 2018 19.15;GMT

On 15 March, the names of the remaining presidential candidates Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and John Kasich on the Republican side, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders for the Democrats will be on ballot papers in five states and one US territory. Although this Tuesday will be less frantic than Super Tuesday two weeks ago, when 12 states and one territory held primary elections, its just as important. By 16 March, the race for the White House could look very different depending on how Florida, Illinois, Missouri, North Carolina and Ohio vote.

Thats partly because the delegate numbers in those states are so high in total, 367 Republican and 792 Democratic delegates are available on 15 March. That brings us significantly closer to the finish line of having just two presidential candidates: at the moment, 33% of Democratic delegates have been pledged but by the time the polls have closed on 15 March, that number will rise to 50%. For Republicans, pledged delegates will jump from 46% to 61%.

Those percentages just mean that playing catch-up gets harder from here. Clinton is still on track for the Democratic nomination to change that, Sanders needs to pick up at least 326 of the pledged delegates .

Also Check: How Many States Are Controlled By Republicans

New York City Voters Shifted From Republican Or Independent To Democratic Party Ahead Of Primary

Voters

The Democratic Party in New York has consistently grown its voter base over the years and has also drawn previously party-unaffiliated and Republican voters to its ranks. In the last year alone, more than 88,000 voters who either had no party registration or were registered with the Republican Party switched their affiliation to the Democrats, potentially creating a new bloc of voters that candidates may seek to woo in races such as the crowded and competitive primary contest to replace term-limited Mayor Bill de Blasio.

According to data from the state voter file analyzed by Prime New York, a political consulting firm, 67,965 unaffiliated voters and 20,528 Republicans joined the Democratic Party, for a total of 88,493 new Democrats. In that same period, 20,136 Democrats switched over to the Republican Party.

Just 209 voters from the Republican and Democratic Parties gave up their party affiliation and became so-called blank or independent voters.

New York has a closed primary system, where only those with a party affiliation can vote in party primary elections. With 3.7 million registered Democrats in the city as of February 21, compared to just over 566,000 Republicans and about 1.08 million independents, the Democratic primaries all but decide the winner of the general election as well, at least for almost all citywide, boroughwide, and district-specific seats.

Arguments On The Open And Closed Methods Of Electing Leaders

Political and social analysts have discussed extensively the manner of conducting open and closed primary elections. Some argue in favor of the open primary election. Some also argue in support of the closed primary election. Let us look at their various views to understand what the electoral process stands to benefit from the use of these forms of elections.

Proponents of the closed primary elections are of the view that only members of a political party should be able to vote for the candidate that the political party presents. In this regard, their opponent political party will be unable to influence who the party presents in a general election. They believe that in open primaries, other political parties could play dirty to control the candidate that emerges on the platform of a particular party at the primaries. That way, they can ensure that the candidate representing the other party is the one not likely to draw the popular vote from voters at the general elections.

Thus, the advocates for a closed primary election are of the view that only those of a political party should participate in deciding who represents them as a political party.

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Rules For Number Of Delegates

Number of pledged delegates per state

The number of pledged delegates from each state is proportional to the state’s share of the electoral college, and to the state’s past Democratic votes for president. Thus less weight is given to swing states and Republican states, while more weight is given to strongly Democratic states, in choosing a nominee.

Six pledged delegates are assigned to each territory, 44 to Puerto Rico, and 12 to Democrats Abroad. Each jurisdiction can also earn bonus delegates by holding primaries after March or in clusters of 3 or more neighboring states.

Within states, a quarter of pledged delegates are allocated to candidates based on statewide vote totals, and the rest based on votes in each Congressional District, though some states use divisions other than congressional districts. For example, Texas uses state Senate districts. Districts which have voted Democratic in the past get more delegates, and fewer delegates are allocated for swing districts and Republican districts. For example, House Speaker Pelosi’s strongly Democratic district 12 has 7 delegates, or one per 109,000 people, and a swing district, CA-10, which became Democratic in 2018, has 4 delegates, or one per 190,000 people.

Candidate threshold

Consider Candidates Track Record And Party Service In Allocating Debate Slots

Will President Trump encourage Ohio Republicans to vote in the Democratic Primary

For a variety of legal and political reasons, the parties authority over their own debates is constrained.44 Yet debates are very important for introducing voters to the partys candidates. They are an essential aspect of the winnowing process. Selecting invitees is particularly challenging when the candidate field is large, as became evident in the Republican nominating cycle four years ago, when the candidates were so numerous that those who fell below a national poll threshold of 3.5% had to attend an undercard debate instead of the main attraction. One consequence was to favor a reality-television celebrity over veterans like Sen. Lindsey Graham, an expert on foreign affairs who had served South Carolina in the Congress since 1993. That seemed shortsighted and unreasonable at the time, and it seems all the more so in hindsight.

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Professional Vetting Provides Quality Control

Our case so far has dwelt on the shortcomings of the plebiscitary nominating process. So, we ought to re-emphasize: We are not saying that primary elections bring nothing to the table. To the contrary, they surface all kinds of important information about candidates and voters. What we do believe is that two filters are better than one. Electoral and professional perspectives check each others excesses and balance each others viewpoints; and, more than that, they complement and improve each other. Each provides the other with vital information which otherwise might be missed. Perhaps most important, professional input aids in winnowing the field to those who will likely govern competently.

wo filters are better than one. Electoral and professional perspectives check each others excesses and balance each others viewpoints

Insiders look for whether candidates are able to work with others, and whether they have sound judgment, adaptability, a nuanced way of dealing with problems, and influential relationships inside and outside government. Insiders also observe candidates character, and they can detect personal flaws that might affect sound decision-making. Insiders know from experience the attributes and talents necessary for effective governing. Voters are not privy to that kind of detailed, hands-on knowledge.

Vetting not only evaluates politicians; it also helps equip them to govern.

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Republicans Delivered The Democratic Primary Election To Dan Lipinski

Illinois 3rd is solid blue district; there is virtually no chance of a Republican winning a general election there. However, Democratic incumbent Dan Lipinksi is probably the last person one would expect to represent a district that Hillary Clinton won by over 15 points. Lipinski has been in Congress since 2005, where he has a record as an anti-choice homophobe who fought and voted against the Affordable Care Act. Lipinksi was gifted the seat by his party boss father and since has largely flown under the radar, occasionally drawing primary challenges during his career. In 2018 however, he faced a strong primary challenger in Marie Newman. Lipinksi won his election by a razor-thin margin, just 2,200 votes. Our analysis shows that Lipinksi owes his victory to Republicans who were using the Illinois open primary system to vote strategically.

Thereâs no party registration in Illinois, meaning that primaries are open to any registered voter. This often leads to strategic voting, where Republican partisans vote in Democratic primaries and vice versa. Despite having no party registration, we can still get a good sense of whether someone is a Republican based on their primary voting history.

We consider two different definitions for considering someone a Republican. The first definition is people who voted in the 2016 Republican primary. There were about 10,000 2016 Republican primary voters turned out in the 2018 Democratic primary, more than 10 percent of the electorate.

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Results Of The 2020 Republican Party Presidential Primaries

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Below is a detailed tally of the results of the 2020 Republican Party presidential primary elections in the United States. In most U.S. states outside New Hampshire, votes for write-in candidates remain untallied.

Primary elections and caucuses can be binding or nonbinding in allocating delegates to the respective state delegations to the Republican National Convention. But the actual election of the delegates can be at a later date. Delegates are elected at conventions, from slates submitted by the candidates, selected by the party’s state chairman or at committee meetings or elected directly at the party’s caucuses and primaries. Until the delegates are apportioned, the delegate numbers are by nature projections, but it is only in the states with nonbinding caucuses where they are not allocated at the primary or caucus date.

Grassroots Group Of Republicans Say They Are Protesting Open Primaries By Voting In Saturdays Primary

COLUMBIA, S.C. â Cole Kazmarski and thousands of other voters in South Carolina will be casting their ballots in the Democratic Presidential Preference Primary on Saturday.

Kazmarski is the Vice Chair for the Midlands Republican Liberty Caucus. âThis coming Saturday I plan to vote for Bernie,â she said.

Kazmarski is taking part in Operation Chaos 2020. Some conservative Republicans in South Carolina are protesting open primaries in the Palmetto State by voting on Saturday. âThe only thing you have to lose is you get on their mailing list and they spend a little ad money on you in the future.â

Pressley Stutts is the Chairman of the Greenville Tea Party. He is urging fellow Republicans to vote for Senator Bernie Sanders in Saturdayâs primary. âWe are open and proud about it,â he said.

Stutts said if Sen. Sanders were to become the Democratic nominee, he believes President Donald Trump would have an easier path to reelection.

According to Stutts, their goal is to get South Carolina to switch to closed primaries. He said, âPrimaries are a selection process. Itâs not until November we actually have an election. Thereâs a difference between the selection process which should be done by the Republicans and the Democrats.â

Over at the State House today, the discussion of closing primaries took center stage. A Senate Judiciary Subcommittee took up two pieces of legislation that would change primaries in the state.

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South Carolinas Open Democratic Primary Means Republicans Can Vote Too

When South Carolina voters cast their votes in the states Democratic primary Saturday, registered Republicans will also be able to show up and vote. Here, the states primaries are open, which means all registered South Carolina voters can participate in either partys primary regardless of political affiliation.;

The South Carolina Republican Party;announced;in September that it would join a list of other states that would not hold a presidential primary this year. Historically, the South Carolina GOP also didnt hold primaries when Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush were incumbents in 1984 and 2004, respectively.

Now, some South Carolina Republicans and Tea Party activists are encouraging Republican voters to participate in Saturdays contest. Karen Martin, organizer of the Spartanburg Tea Party, is leading Trump 229 , an effort thats using social media and word-of-mouth to encourage Republicans to vote for Bernie Sanders on Saturday.;

Joe Biden has been leading the race in South Carolina. Martin said that her small group was hoping to win enough support for Sanders to bump him into first place, above Joe Biden, who has been holding onto a shrinking lead in the state.;

The initial impetus for the group, according to Martin, was who can we pick to coalesce our votes around that would make the most impact on South Carolina Democrats understanding why they should join us closing their primary?

California Independents Can Vote In Democrats 2020 Primary

SACRAMENTO, Calif. Californias more than 5.6 million independent voters will be allowed to vote in the 2020 Democratic presidential primary, but not in the Republican contest, Secretary of State Alex Padilla announced Monday.

The two parties have used a similar setup in recent presidential primaries.

The states presidential primary will be held on March 3, 2020, known as Super Tuesday, because of the large number of state contests that day. California is one of the biggest prizes, offering nearly 500 delegates in the Democratic nominating contest.

Independent voters, known in the state as no party preference, make up roughly 28% of registered California voters. But experts predict theyll make up just 15% of the Democratic primary electorate because of extra steps they need to take to get a presidential ballot, said Paul Mitchell, who runs the nonpartisan firm Political Data, Inc., which gathers and sells voter data.

More independent voters in California lean Democratic than Republican, but more call themselves moderate than liberal or conservative, according to the nonpartisan Public Policy Institute of California . But Mitchell said the independents who go through the effort of voting in the Democratic contest are likely to be young, more diverse and more progressive.

But the presidential primary doesnt work that way. Independent voters will need to specifically ask for a Democratic ballot at the polls or by mail ahead of the primary.

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Happy Father’s Day

My 2 1/2 year old daughter is sick this weekend. All last night and all day today, she's needed my husband and me to come to her side and tell her that we’re here - not that we can stop her from being sick but to acknowledge that she IS sick and that it's ok and that it will pass. We take shifts at night. I took the early shift - 8 til 12 and my husband took the later shift. I went in every 45 minutes for a while, finding her in a cold sweat, confused by the cough she has never experienced before. We’re lucky. I can count on one hand the number of times she’s been sick but every time it happens, she’s stunned that her body could rebel against her. She cries, blubbering “I don’t feel well today.” in her eerily accurate grammar. We’re lucky.

There are 2000 children who were on the most harrowing journey of their lives, fleeing their countries because their parents feared for their lives, and at the end of that journey, they were ripped away from the only people they had who could tell them that as hard as this is, it will pass. 

Now they're alone. They're being treated like prisoners. And some of them are sick and all of them are scared and there's no one there to tell them that it's going to be ok. There's no way to know that it will be ok. 

We wouldn't treat a stray nursing dog and her puppies like this. But we have done this to mothers and their babies. WE have done this.

We have the luxury of pressing our children against us and knowing that their cold will pass and then they’ll get to go out and play without repercussions. But such freedoms are on a slippery slope. The moment we start seeing “others” as more of a pestilence and less of our sisters and brothers, our democracy begins to decay. Our moral highground is eroded. “It can’t happen here” is the biggest lie that anyone can tell you. Anything can happen anywhere. We alone are responsible for what happens on our watch. And so we are responsible for the children who have been ripped away from their parents this month. 2000 children in one month. Project forward a year and that’s 24,000 children. We cannot allow that. 

How can you help? SEND MONEY TO FIGHT FOR THE RIGHTS OF THESE HUMAN BEINGS - mother, father, and child. 

RAICES bond fund (https://actionnetwork.org/fundraising/bondfund…) gives 100% of your donation will help pay to get a parent out of detention so they can claim their own child.

VOTE. VOTE. VOTE. Are you not registered yet??? CLICK TO VOTE.

Please read the whole post below that (among all the chilling articles I’ve read in the past 24 hours, in the past week, in the past month) but especially this: 

"There is a fundamental principal of international law which arose after World War II: the concept of a refugee – a person deserving of protection because she is unsafe in her country due to persecution in her country based on her race, religion, nationality, political opinion, or membership in a particular social group. The United States Government has recognized its responsibility in protecting refugees for almost seventy years – in international treaties and in our own laws. Whatever your politics, it is an absolute and undeniable fact that the US must protect asylum seekers under its international treaty and internal legal obligations."

From FACEBOOK - Kate Lincoln-Goldfinch on June 8 at 4:03pm

Yesterday, I met with a mother whose 5-year-old son was literally pulled out of her arms by a Border Patrol Officer while she and her son cried and begged for him not to be taken. She is an asylum seeker who fled death threats in her country. She has not seen or spoken to her son in weeks. This mother recounted the story of her son being taken, stone faced, clearly unable to begin to access the emotions under the surface. It was the lowest, saddest, most distressing moment of my career as an immigration lawyer.

I chose to be an immigration attorney after my first experience as a law student in the immigration clinic. I was asked to do an intake with a family of Iraqi asylum seekers who were being detained with their 5-month-old daughter. The baby was wearing a prison-issued onesie. Her mother asked me to hold her, because I smelled like the outside world. All along, that moment has been my marker of the lowest moment, the catalyst for my career. Yet that was nothing compared to what is happening today.

I am writing to share with you what I am seeing so that you can be informed and take action. I want to help you know the background and combat the arguments that these parents chose this for their children, that they brought it on themselves. And to combat the lies coming from the Administration, claiming there is no choice in whether to enact the policy of separation.

There is a fundamental principal of international law which arose after World War II: the concept of a refugee – a person deserving of protection because she is unsafe in her country due to persecution in her country based on her race, religion, nationality, political opinion, or membership in a particular social group. The United States Government has recognized its responsibility in protecting refugees for almost seventy years – in international treaties and in our own laws. Whatever your politics, it is an absolute and undeniable fact that the US must protect asylum seekers under its international treaty and internal legal obligations. (I am avoiding citations and legalese in this article because I want it to be readable, but I can easily provide citations for anything written here.)

In the last decade, the political situation in Central America has deteriorated. Gangs and drug cartels have taken power and the governments of Central America, particularly in the northern triangle of Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras, are unable to protect their citizens. People are being extorted and required to make regular payments to gang members. If they refuse, they or their family members are murdered. Boys as young as eight years old are forced into the gangs. If they or their parents refuse, they are murdered. Young girls are forced to become the property of gang members and treated as sex slaves. If they or their families refuse, they are murdered. The police are unable to help, and in many cases have themselves been infiltrated with gang members, so that making a police report brings more danger. Parents are fleeing and bringing their children here to rescue them from rape and murder.

When an asylum seeker wants to come to the United States, she has two choices: come to the bridge to ask for asylum, or sneak into the country. Why sneak in? Well, because border patrol officers often don’t permit people to seek asylum. They tell them to turnaround, we aren’t accepting asylum seekers. In fact, now border patrol officers are patrolling the Mexican territory in front of the borders to keep asylum seekers from even crossing the bridge. This leaves option two: the only way to get in. Historically, asylum seekers who crossed over got immediately apprehended (we don’t have the porous borders the Administration claims we do), then were placed in family detention centers and put through the credible fear interview process. If they passed, they got out of detention and finished out the asylum process in court. If they failed, they were sent back. This was far from a tolerable solution, but it has “worked” this way for over a decade, with subtle shifts in policies and practices.

What changed? The Trump Administration decided in May to enact a “zero tolerance” policy against people crossing the border. This means everyone, regardless of cause or circumstance of entry, gets prosecuted for illegal entry. Parents of children, including infants, are being taken to federal court and their children are being placed in custody of the Office of Refugee Resettlement. There is NO agency responsible for facilitating communication or reunification of these families. Parents are getting deported without their kids, and shelters are filling up. These families are being transferred and taken all around the US depending on where there is space for them. Parents are not told where they are going, where their kids are, or whether they are okay. If this does not horrify you, check your pulse.

What can you do? Here is the hard part. And I promise to keep working on this. Immigration attorneys can help – that’s easy. You can travel to detention centers and help parents pass their credible fear interviews and get out on bond. A volunteer sheet will be circulating within the next week. Nonimmigration lawyers can partner with an immigration attorney or attend a training (Mark your calendars for an opportunity for Austin Bar Association members the afternoon of June 25.) Nonlawyers – there are the obvious options: contact your legislators and demand an end to family separation. Form mom groups, dad groups, psychologist groups, contact the media, and get loud. Give money. I personally think money is best spent on the RAICES bond fund (https://actionnetwork.org/fundraising/bondfund…) where 100% of your donation will help pay to get a parent out of detention so they can claim their own child.

What you should not do, in my opinion: anything to support or legitimize what is happening. This includes offering to foster these kids and take them off the hands of the agency, donate supplies, or assist the Department of Homeland Security in any way. I know your hearts are in the right place, and you want to help the kids. But if the shelters are at capacity and no one is offering to take the kids, maybe the administration will stop taking them from their parents. Maybe they need to feel the pain of what it is to care for so many distraught babies, so they stop the horror show.

Thank you for reading this far, for letting me get this off my chest, and for caring. The only positive that comes out of moments like these is the groundswell of goodness.

In solidarity, Kate

Finally, happy father’s day. Hug your babies close. Hug your fathers tight. Celebrate your connection and your liberties and find a moment in your day to  talk as a family about what it would be like if you had to flee your country. What would you need? What can you as a family sacrifice to help?