this fukcinh loser

Survey #410

“oh baby, baby, does she take a piece of lime for the drink that i’ma buy her, do you know just what she likes?

Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Ye. Have you ever written/drawn/painted random stuff on your bedroom wall? No. What do you currently hear? A slowed w/ reverb version of "If U Seek Amy" by Britney Spears. Yes, I have a serious thing for these edits of childhood songs, ha ha. Actually, no shame, I still love Britney lmao. What's your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch. Do you like bagels? Yep. Do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? I ain't having any of those, so I don't have to worry about that. Have you ever seen a hippo in person? At a zoo, yes. Are you any good at HTML? Noooo. When was the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Recently, because I'm awful about downloading things illegally. What was the last thing you downloaded on your computer? A picture. Do you ever cry just to get your way? Hi, I'm 25. I at least have SOME adult traits. Have you ever been to any professional sports games? Yes. What's the most boring sport to watch? The only sport I enjoy watching is dance, so. I think golf has to take the cake for the absolute worst, though. Do you like lip rings on the opposite sex? UGH I just love lip rings on anybody. Do you have good or bad vision? Literally awful. Have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren't supposed to? Hell no. That is so fucking inconsiderate and lazy. Have you ever been to a different country? No. When was the last time you finger-painted? Nooo idea. Probably not since I was a little kid. Do you say car-mel or car-A-mel? "Care-uh-mel." When you get out of the shower, do you use one or two towels? One. Are you uncomfortable with changing clothes in front of others? Absolutely yes. Hell, I don't think I ever really changed in front of Jason back in the day, so that says something about how self-conscious I was with a FIT body. Never mind this catastrophe I own now. Which is worse: Runny nose or stuffy nose? Both suck, but stuffy drives me absolutely INSANE. Who's been the most influential person in your life? My mom. Do you have any tan lines? Ha, yeah, no. How many different schools have you gone to? Six. Do you know how to slow dance? I mean, yes? It's not complicated. Have you ever taken The Impossible Quiz? (If not, you should Google it. :D) No, and I'll never waste my time doing that shit. I've watched people play and beat it, but it seems like such frustrating, pointless madness with zero rhyme or reason behind it. Has someone that you liked told you that you are a waste of their time? No. Who is the last person you were in a car with? Mom. In the next 6 months, what are you looking forward to most? Ummmm Christmas, maybe? That's always exciting. Is there anyone who hates you? Probably. Who were you with the last time you went out for food? Mom. If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? Eh... I guess if it was for medicinal purposes, I would be okay with it. I'm not keen on dating a smoker of anything. Do you want to start over with anyone? Just Jason, at least sometimes. It'd be really, really nice if we could be friends again and just forget about who we were all those years ago, but I genuinely doubt my ability to be "just friends" with him. Even though I haven't spoken to this dude in over FOUR YEARS, and I'm sure he's changed a lot, just like I have. We might not even be compatible anymore. As much as I may want it, I think it's probably for the better we remain unassociated. Do you eat the crust of your sandwiches? It's what I eat first. Are you completely over your last relationship? Not "completely," no. I still love her, but I'm in a headspace of accepting that now is not the right time with unfit conditions. What hoodie did you wear last? My Pikachu one, which is the one I pretty much always wear. Do you listen to Incubus? Probably surprisingly, no. I don't know if I've even heard a song. Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? More like always. Do you like the smell of Axe? If you don't use an obnoxious amount, yeah. What do you think of feminists? Absolutely necessary as pilots for change. HOWEVER, I do believe some can take the concept waaaay too far. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? Dad, probably. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Oh my god, GUYS. It was my niece's birthday last month, and she did the CUTEST shit. She used to be very, very opposed to getting even slightly dirty (I mean like a speck of dirt on her would make her cry), and this kid decided to just C H O M P into her cupcake and get the frosting ALL over her face. She had two and got so messy, and that angel was just laughing hysterically about it. That girl is such a damn gift. Safe to say she was bouncing off the walls that night. Did you hug one of your parents today? No. Do you tan in the nude? I don't tan, period. Have you ever put a lot of thought and effort into a gift for somebody, only for them to act like it didn’t really matter to them? Oh god, no. That would really, really hurt, because I genuinely do try to be very thoughtful with my gifts. Do you follow the ‘five second rule’ when you drop food on the ground? NOOOOOOO. It's just a bullshit myth. I am NOT eating food that's been on the floor for a millisecond. If you had to describe yourself using a colour, which colour would you be? Maybe like... navy blue? Kinda dark and somber, but also has a calmness to it. Have you ever had to use another person’s toothbrush before? What were the circumstances? I WOULD FUCKING NEVER. Omg that is so gross. Have you ever crashed a car? No. Do you have a garden? Does it have flowers, vegetables, or both? No. Where do you want to raise your kids? I don't want kids, but if I did, absolutely surrounded by nature and animals. Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Yeah, I love it there. Damn, now I want some, lol. Have you ever seen a ghost? I sure as fuck saw something. As soon as you find out you are pregnant, who will you first tell? Who says I'm ever going to BE pregnant? 'Cuz it sure isn't in my plans. But hypothetically, the dad. Have you ever won a game of Minesweeper? Like ever? I've never played it. Who is your best guy friend(s)? Girt. I really should chat with him soon, it's been too long. If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? I'd keep it. Make me look more badass. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ What is your hair naturally like? Brown and kinda-sorta wavy. Have you ever stared at a stranger and they said something to you about it? No; I don't stare at people. Is your father very protective of you? I wouldn't say "very protective," no. What would you do if your hero died? ffffffUCK THIS QUESTION HOW ABOUT NO HE'S NOT ALLOWED THAT'S VERY ILLEGAL Where was your first date at with your current lover? I don't have one currently. Are you friendly in the morning, or are you barely awake? Depends on how much sleep I got, but I'm generally in my best mood in the morning. Did your parents force you to go to church? Mom did. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? It was the next book in the series I'm reading, Wings of Fire. When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Hm. I dunno. Hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? Is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? I mean it would really depend on WHY I was breaking up with them, but I guess in most situations I'd try to meet them face-to-face and explain why I wanted to cut things off. I think it'd be important for them to hear my tone of voice, and I think physically meeting somewhere would show that I care enough for them to cut time out of my day to see them and try to hurt them as least as possible, given the situation. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? DO NOT in even a minor way ridicule mental illness or belittle victims as "weak" or pull the "it's just in their head" bullshit. The misuse of the term "retard(ed)" also genuinely offends me. I wouldn't say I'm easy to offend, either. What was the last chore you completed? Changing my cat's litter. When was the last time someone saw you naked? It's been a loooong time, and it would've only been my mom when I was like, going into a shower or something. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? Probably Steve Irwin. I'd go on and on about how his family has carried his legacy so brilliantly, and show him aaaaaall the public pictures of Bindi and Grace, especially. God, that man would be so proud of them all. What is the greatest lost you’ve endured? My first "real" boyfriend. How would you describe your current mood? A mix of tired and anxious. I don't feel like going to bed yet, and the storm we've got passing through has me nervous about tornadoes 'n shit. Do you ever drink or get high alone? I've had some light drinks alone. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? I've never done any illicit drugs, and I don't want to. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? Probably that I've had a pilonidal cyst. It's awkward to explain, but I'll share it anyway if there's a good reason to/I'm asked or something. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? Her just being the most toxic, drama-filled person with the biggest victim complex of any human I've ever met. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Mom, and my voice was raised. Where do you like to be kissed? This depends on how serious we are. Can go from just the cheek to a lot of places. Which season is your least favorite and why? Summer, because it's too goddamn hot and humid. Who, if anyone, do you compare yourself to most? Probably my little sister. She's on such a successful path, and then there's like... me lmao. Do you have a night-light in your bedroom? If so, what does it look like? No. What is your favorite breakfast food? How often do you get to eat it? Cinnamon rollssssss. I have 'em very rarely, though. I'll eat too many of them, which I definitely don't need. What is your favorite thing about autumn? What about your least favorite thing? AHHHHHH EVERYTHING. I love Halloween and the decorations that come with it, the changing leaves, the crisp air... just all of it. :') Who was the last person you asked for help? Mom, I'm sure.

11/11/11 tag

I was tagged by the lovely @waterfallwritings​. Thank you so much <3 

1. How do you come up with ideas for your WIPs?

I put my headphones on, pop some music on, and pace around. And then I play pretend.

No, really, that’s what I do. I pretend to be my characters, in different situations, and I just... play around. I mess with things. I put them in modern situations. I put them in my favorite TV shows/books/movies/games. I have them switch places with a character in that show/book/movie/game. Sometimes I find them narrating their backstory to their future kid, or their friends, or whoever. I dunno. All sorts of crazy situations.

When that doesn’t help, I go and read. Or watch something. Or play something. I give it a rest for a bit. Something eventually comes to me. 

2. How do you get past gaps in the plot?

Same answer as above, I guess? Letting myself really feel the characters, really be them, helps me view the situation as they would. I can generally resolve gaps pretty well that way! 

3. What motivates you to keep writing?

My characters.

Sometimes it feels like they live in my head, just waiting for me to tell their story. I think about it all the time. 

But other than that... 

I mean, I was hospitalized a bunch as a kid. I got pneumonia a lot. And bronchitis (which developed into the former). A common cold could turn into bronchitis. I was a sickly kid with a terrible immune system. So I read. I read a lot. I read anything I could get my hands on. (Word of advice: Jurrassic Park and Stephen King novels are not really appropriate novels for a 10 year old to read. Or at least not one who hates gore. Like me.) A lot of those books touched me, influenced me and how I behaved growing up. I want to do that for other people. I want to write the novel they pick up and find themselves needing.

Also, you know what? 

Sometimes my writing is pretty damn good. 

4. Do you do any other kind of creative writing?

I write poetry!! My favorite poems are: 

Death (lightly nsfw)

Wolf-Women (feminist poetry with werewolf themes) 

Lonely Ghosts (Travelin’ Endlessly)

This poem I wrote about the main character of TMQ

I also roleplay for a favorite fandom of mine, and I write fanfiction. (You can find my stuff on my main blog, which is linked in my bio.) 

5. Do you have any other creative hobbies besides writing?

I like to take photos! Usually of flowers and such. I’ll reblog this with some of my favorite ones~ 

I also like editing photos. By which I mean throwing lots of filters on them and trying to make them look ~artsy.~ 

6. What do you do when you’re stuck on a scene and don’t know how to get it out / write it?

I whip out my brackets. And I write a short scene description. Here’s an example off the top of my head-- 

[Fight scene. CHARACTER A gets injured pretty badly and begins to sway. CHARACTER B is so absorbed by their lover being hurt that they don’t notice when CHARACTER C is grabbed behind them. By the time they realized C has been kidnapped... it’s too late. CHARACTER A dies in their arms, but not before making them promise to save CHARACTER C.] 

That’s a really emotional scene, fraught with tension and violence. Maybe I wasn’t feeling it, so I skipped it. But I want to remember what I was doing, hence the summary. Then I move on to the next scene. What the next scene would be in this scenario, I have no idea. 

7. How do you decide how to end your WIP?

I’ve never really tried to put it into words, but because you asked, I’m gonna try.

So the first thing I think about is what my protagonist wants. In THE MARTYR QUEEN, Alinora wants her home back. She wants her people free again, and her family/loved ones back. Unfortunately, most of said loved ones are dead. But she can still save her people, so that’s her primary goal. To save her people, she needs to defeat Kai’os, and get him off of her throne/out of her homeland. 

Now, let’s look at the antagonist. Kai’os wants to end the world and start a new one. Well--he doesn’t really want to do that, but he believes it’s a necessary evil, because that’s what Fate told him. What he really wants is to keep his family--his two daughters--safe. And that’s how he can best do that. According to Fate. In order to end the world, he has to be able to get to the World Tree. And to get to that, he needs Alinora.

So obviously, at the ending, the two of them are going to clash.

But what happens during/after the clash? Well, now, that’s where I have to think about the OTHER things going on. Alinora’s personality, for instance. What her friends are doing. The “bigger” players in the game--Death and Fate. What I have planned for the next books, and what I need to have happen for Alinora’s character arc. 

I hope that was a good explanation ^^; 

8. When in the process of writing do you decide how its going to end? Or do you kind of just wait til you get there?

I generally know my endings before I’m even halfway through the story. TMQ’s I knew before I even started writing it. Sapphire Dreaming’s I realized pretty early in the game as well. 

9. Why did you decide to join writeblr?

I have been looking for a supportive writing community for so long. I found one on a fantasy forum called Worldsmyths that’s lovely, but people are more apt to talk about the technical aspects of writing on there. Which is great, and all of the advice on there is really good and well thought out. But I also really, really like hearing about other people’s WIPs and talking about mine in turn.

So when I found out that was how Tumblr’s writeblr worked... that’s when I decided to start getting involved in the community. And I’ve found so many WIPs that way!!! And found people who like my ideas too, which was like: what? Because while I’ve met supportive people before this is different. And it’s really nice.

10. What’s your favourite food?

Favorite... food?

I have to... I have to pick?

But, but ToT I can’t.

I’ll try anyway though,  I guess, because you asked :P 

Let’s see... my favorite dessert is a toss up between tiramasu and cheesecake, but I also really, really like brownies. 

Breakfast wise, it’s hard to go wrong with blueberry pancakes or a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. Or omelets. 

For lunch, I really like sandwiches. Lately I’ve been on a subway kick, and I’ve been ordering a tomato basil wrap with rotisserie chicken, mozz cheese, spinach leaves, ranch dressing, and green peppers. It’s so good. 

For supper... Oh, jeez. I eat a lot of chicken and pasta, but I also really like steak and bbq!! 

I’m not a big fan of fruit, but I like blackberries and raspberries!! I also really like peaches and cherries. 

I love vegetables. My favorites are peas, broccoli, and cucumbers. 

...what. was that not in the spirit of the question? 

11. If you had to kill off a character in your WIP, who would it be and why?

Um.

So in Sapphire Dreaming, if I had to kill a character off... fuck. I dunno. Maddock, I guess? Side characters are okay right? His death could be really fun, though it would absolutely destroy Aura.

I mean, if I had to choose a main character... I guess it’d be Chase. I love him a lot, I really do, and he is important to the story but. I can’t get rid of Aura or Melantha or [SPOILER]. 

In The Martyr Queen... 

Um. 

I actually answer that question in the story itself, so, uh.

I’m just gonna. Move on to the tags & new questions now. 

I tag:@witchywrite; @marniebalboa; @quartzses; @she-writes-love; @idreamonpaper (lemme know if you want to be added or removed. yes i know this isn’t eleven people.  get nervous about tagging people in things ^^;) 

My questions are: 

1. Do you have any ideas for future WIPs you’re excited about?

2. What’s your favorite part of writing?

3. What’s your favorite aspect of the genre you write?

4. What themes/tropes do you find show up in the majority of your ideas? (E.g. found family, belonging, love triangles, etc.) 

5. Do you have a routine or ritual you do before writing? (E.g. lighting a candle, putting on a playlist, making a specific beverage)

6. What would your ideal place to write look like?

7. Do you sort your characters into, say Hogwarts Houses or Meyers Briggs Types? (Or other kinds of archetypes?) If so, which characters fall where?

8. Have you ever participated in a character chat? (An almost roleplay chat where you introduce your characters to other characters. Sometimes they’re focused around a time limit with specific questions, as on Twitter, but sometimes they’re more free form.)

9. How much prewriting do you do before you start writing?

10. What’s the last book you finished reading? Would you recommend it?

11.  What’s your favorite piece of writing advice, or favorite quote about writing? 

QUOTE

“The true opposite of depression isn’t gaiety or absence of pain, but vitality: the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings.” -Alice Miller

BASIC

NAME: Emilia Eleanore Echolls NICKNAMES: Emily, Em, Emmy AGE: 22 BIRTHDAY: November 21st, 1995 GENDER: Female PRONOUNS: She/Her

FAMILY

MOTHER: Evelyn Echolls (Maiden Name: Montgomery) FATHER: Edgar Echolls LEGAL GUARDIAN (?): N/A SIBLINGS: Elisha Macdonald, (Maiden Name: Echolls) Elizabeth Echolls PETS: Jett, a female black longhair cat IMPORTANT EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBERS: N/A

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES

FACE CLAIM: Kristen Stewart RACE/ETHNICITY:  English, Scottish, Irish… Your typical American mutt. NATIONALITY: American HEIGHT: 5′5” WEIGHT: 113 (Waaay too skinny) HAIR COLOR:  Naturally dirty blonde, dyed dark brown EYE COLOR: Light green SKIN COLOR: Pale DOMINANT HAND: Right ANOMALIES: To list Emily’s tattoos would take up too much space on this- there’s a post here for those interested, but suffice to say she’s seriously inked. Her ears are pierced three times on each ear, including two cartilage piercings on the left side. Her belly button and right nipple are pierced. (The latter done on a dare during her freshman year) She has a mess of raised self harm scars on both thighs, starting as high as her hips and going down halfway down her femurs, covering the front of them and going all the way over to the sides of her legs. Some of the scars are pale and faded out, but a good number of them are discolored and may never completely go away. One of her front teeth has a barely noticeable crack across the front of it where she into a fight during high school and someone hit her in the face with a textbook and broke it. SCENT: Eucalyptus and spearmint from her shampoo and conditioner, Kat Von D Saint perfume, a clean herbal smell from her lotion. An undertone of cigarette smoke or pot. ALLERGIES: Cherries and strawberries, acetaminophen FASHION: Emily puts just as much thought and care into her clothes as her sister, in her own way. Her clothes aren’t designer, but they are carefully purchased from alternative kinds of clothing brands like Banned Apparel, Killstar, and Aderlass, and kept as carefully as Emily keeps anything. Her fashion sense is tomboy meets former scene kid meets punk meets greaser meets tattoo model. It’s dually a look meant to draw stares and a costume for Emily to hide behind, though she wouldn’t admit to it. NERVOUS TICS: Running a hand through her hair, picking at her cuticles, pulling out her cigarette pack and hitting it against her palm, pulling out her zippo lighter and flicking it open and shut, biting her cheek.

LIFESTYLE

HOME ADDRESS: 9430 East Cove Lane #1F, Seacrest Cove, CA RESIDES: Seacrest Cove, CA BORN: Beverly Hills, California RAISED: Beverly Hills, California VEHICLE: A fully restored 1971 Buick Regal, black with dark red seats and a top rated stereo system PHONE: iPhone 7 with this phone case LAPTOP/COMPUTER: A cheaper alienware model HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION: (A private high school in Beverly Hills- will update once I collab with Brand) COLLEGE EDUCATION: Seacrest Cove University MAJOR: Psychology / Social Work MINOR: N/A JOB: N/A POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Left leaning but she doesn’t really give a shit. RELIGION: Atheist BELIEFS: Karma MISDEMEANORS: A count of indecent exposure, an underage drinking charge, and a public intoxication charge- all of which were issued when she was seventeen and were sealed when she turned eighteen FELONIES: N/A TICKETS AND/OR VIOLATIONS: A handful of speeding tickets, a disturbing the peace charge. DRUGS: Weed, (regularly) cocaine, (a few times) xanax, (occasionally) ecstasy, (a few times) oxy, (was abusing to control pain before her last ER visit) acid, (a few times) SMOKES: Yes ALCOHOL: Yes. DIET: Whatever’s easy. Emily tends to dislike anything deep fried or overly processed. She has a love/hate relationship with frozen food. She likes fresh fruit but hasn’t ever been a huge vegetable person, and she tends to dislike red meats in most everything. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual with a preference towards women. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single CHILDREN: N/A LOOKING FOR: Not looking for anything. At all. BEST FRIEND(S): Julian Lowell, Stella Belmonte LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English PHOBIAS: Lizards HOBBIES: Mobile games, skateboarding, going to concerts, sketching, TRAITS: Aggressive, bold, protective, depressed, sarcastic SOCIAL MEDIA: Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Tumblr

FAVORITE

LOCATION: The beach at night, any old place. SPORTS TEAM: The only time Emily gives a shit about sports is during the Olympics, and even then only kind of. GAME: Alto’s Adventure, Blyss, Miracle Merchant, Plants Vs. Zombies, horror PC games MUSIC: The Runaways, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, other pioneering girl rock bands, My Chemical Romance, Pop Evil, Nine Inch Nails, System of a Down, Slipknot, Iron Maiden. SHOWS: American Horror Story, Bob’s Burgers, Black Mirror, Rick and Morty, Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, The Defenders, Lost Girl, Salem, Orange is the New Black, Sense 8 MOVIES: Horror movies, light hearted comedies, crime movies, the kind of mind fuck movies with twist endings that make you think, thrillers. RADIO STATION: N/A FOOD: Peaches and cream, baked salmon with wild rice, salt and vinegar chips,  pomegranates, peanut butter and honey sandwich, pickles, grilled chicken sandwich with ranch and tomato, blueberry muffins, mashed potatoes PROFESSOR: Emily feels like she’s honor bound to say Macdonald BEVERAGE: Sweet tea, sprite, vanilla coke with rum, orange juice, almond milk. COLOR: Ash gray and dark teal

CHARACTER

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good/True Neutral MBTI: ESFJ ENNEAGRAM: Type 5 - The Investigator TEMPERAMENT: Melancholic and Choleric WESTERN ZODIAC: Scorpio   CHINESE ZODIAC: Pig PRIMAL SIGN: Squid HOGWARTS HOUSE: Gryffindor SONG: Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier IDEOLOGIES: That people are inherently selfish, and have to put effort into not being selfish pieces of shit, so when you find someone that’s a good person- they deserve twice your respect than they would otherwise.

Request- Dinner with Bradleys

“Dinner at the Fuhrer’s house....damn.”  Maes Hughes sat back in his office chair and put his feet up on his desk as he watched Roy pace back and forth on the green rug in front of him.   

“I know...what the fuck?”  Roy said and ran his hand through his hair.  He had almost run into Mrs. Bradley in the hall and in the exchange of apologies and introductions she had somehow managed to invite him to dinner to make it up to him.   He was trying to excuse himself from that potential awkward engagement but the Fuhrer himself walked up and insisted.   Now he was going to be a guest at dinner tonight and he was confident in his ability to handle it, but also overwhelmed by the prospect.  

“Selim Bradley has some fascination with alchemy now.”  Hughes said and put his hands behind his head to think about the implications of all this.   It’s not like the officers in Central could hate Roy more than they did and it wouldn’t be a bad stepping stone to Central if he could make a good impression with the Fuhrer’s family.  “So, maybe he wants lessons?”

“What?”  Roy asked.   “I’m not a teacher.”

“Then maybe the Bradley’s are looking to spice up their love life with a...guest?”  Maes said and Roy stopped in his tracks and looked at him appalled.  He laughed.  

“Maes...”

“Roy, you would not believe some of the weird shit I have to investigate around here.   The Top Brass is into some kinky stuff and some of it I’m surprised there is a name for.”

“I know.  My Mom built a business around that...demand.”  Roy said and shook his head.  “Stop trying to fluster me.”

“I am trying to distract you.”  Maes leaned back in his chair and swiveled a little.  “Just go to dinner.  I can’t believe you went through this much trouble to get out of Elicia’s recital.   Good thing I’ll take pictures and we can have a slide show when you get home tonight.”

Roy kinda felt a little bad about that.  He did coach Elicia on her singing....well maybe not so much coach as steal her microphone and sing duets with Maes in their living room.  The recital however, sounded like a live action “Shirley Temple Infomercial” and he wasn’t too upset about not going.   “What do I wear?”

“Pants.”  Maes said.  

“Asshole, you know I meant uniform?  Dress or regular?”  Roy could see him smile, god why was he having fun at his expense.  Bastard was supposed to be helping him to the top!

“Normal.   Don’t make it weird.”  Maes said and then eyed his mess head of hair.  “Don’t slick it back either, that makes you look like you’re trying too hard.  Bring a pie.....or melon!  The Fuhrer loves melon!”

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

“This melon is delicious!!”   The Fuhrer’s face glowed with excitement.  “You say it’s a hybrid variety?”

“Yes, sir.”  Roy said and cut into his perfectly cooked stake as Selim Bradley sat next to him and tried to hide vegetables under a pile of fat in the corner of his own plate.   Fuhrer Bradley had yet to take a bite of his dinner, still fussing over the novelty of random melon he picked up in the market district on the way over.  

“We must plant this.”  Bradley beamed.  “It’s a delight!”

“Honey, eat your dinner!”  Mrs. Bradley chided and rubbed her husband’s hand affectionately.  “Colonel, I am so glad you joined us!  Selim really enjoyed your basic alchemy lesson, but clearly didn’t comprehend that part about ‘matter not being created or destroyed’ since he’s trying to hide his veggies instead of eat them.”

Selim huffed and reluctantly started to eat the hidden vegetables.  

“You’re so good with kids, are you planning to have some?”  Mrs. Bradley asked.

Roy almost laughed, then realized she was serious.   He was awful with kids! He only started talking with Selim about alchemy because he kept going on and on about Fullmetal and wanting to be like him when he grew up.  He cleared his throat but before he could answer, the Fuhrer answered for him.

“The good Colonel isn’t married yet, dear.”  Bradley said with a smile.   “Which is a shame because I think my staff would be more serious about his requests to transfer to Central command if he showed some maturity and settled down.”

What...what? Roy stopped chewing and stared at Bradley. He winked at him.  That weird old person with one eye wink that said, ‘I wouldn’t be winking if I wasn’t trying to drop a hint because it’s weird when I only have one eye’.  

“Oh.”  Mrs. Bradley said and then focused on Mustang.  “Have you not met the right girl?”

Before he could answer Bradley spoke again.  Clearly he was not going to be able to say anything here and he heard Selim mutter something about ‘at least it’s not me’.  

“Clearly you have a problem just settling on one.”  The Fuhrer took a bite of melon and grinned.  “I hear your reputation is well earned.”

“Oh Colonel, tell me you’re not one of those types.   You seem so nice.”  Mrs. Bradley said.  “I was hoping you’d be a role model for Selim but if you’re...well let’s just say it’s a bad example to set.  Especially when you are mentoring a nice young man like Edward Elric.”

“Your personal life reflects your attitude towards your professional life.”  The Fuhrer said.  “A man who let’s a reputation like that develop, clearly doesn’t need to be tarnishing the upper echelon of my staff.   I thought with you being such an esteemed alchemist your dedication would be through and through...”

This was taking some weird turns.   What the hell?   Roy finally put his fork down and said in the most sincere voice, “I give you my word Fuhrer, that my reputation is simply an exaggeration.  I...date a lot to find the right girl to settle down with.   Perhaps I would have better luck in Central?”

Bradley laughed.   He appreciated the way the man turned that right around.  “Well, I am happy to hear that.”

“I know some wonderful single ladies, Colonel.  Probably all a little young for you though.”  Mrs. Bradley said.   “And the others way too old.”

He was too young, now too old?  There was no winning here.  Roy was now focused on proving himself a suitable candidate for promotion or transfer and apparently that meant proving himself husband material.  Fine.   Rich old people did odd things at dinner.   “Of course I trust your judgement, Mrs. Bradley.”

“So you do want to get married?” Mrs, Bradley asked.   “Have kids?”

He would have agreed to anything to get out of this weird conversation and onto a topic like why there was ranch dressing in the quiche.  Roy gave her a dazzling grin, his most handsome and attractive grin sure to win over anyone.  “Absolutely.  Unfortunately it’s something that eludes me.  I work long hours and it’s difficult to meet people.  Dating has been more of a set-up by friends these days, hence all the girls I end up seeing.”

“What about the Armstrongs?”  Mrs. Bradley asked her husband.  “So many girls, none married.”

“Olivier has shot me down and Catherine is a little young for me.”  Roy said.  He couldn’t remember any of the other girls names.  

“Oh.”  Mrs. Bradley then said.  “What About Miss Douglas, my husband’s secretary?”

Roy had seen the woman and although she was OK looking she reminded him way too much of Ed and Al’s Mom.   Dead Mom was a bit of a turn off.   “Not sure we have much in common?”

“How about that bodyguard of yours?”  Fuhrer Bradley asked.  “Hawkeye?”

Now the feeling of weird was replaced with dread.  He could feel that eye on him.  “She works for me and I wouldn’t dream of fraternization...”

“And if she didn’t work for you?” Mrs. Bradley asked seeing a weakness and pouncing.  “You would consider it?”

“I mean....Hawkeye is just a subordinate.  I never thought of her like that.” Roy lied.  God he could feel Mrs. Bradley just locking on and targeting him now. 

“Someone who works that close to you, you have to get along...right?” Mrs. Bradley asked.   “That’s what marriage is about!  Partnership and respect. Perhaps you’re missing what is right under your nose!”

“Lieutenant Hawkeye has refused promotion in order to stay your bodyguard.”  The Fuhrer said.  “Repeatedly.”

“Clearly she thinks very highly of you?”  Mrs. Bradley smiled.  “If she accepted one of those promotions than you would be free to explore that!   My Husband needs a new bodyguard.  We lost one in that attack the other day when that man broke in our house and attacked him.”

Woah...wait...what?!?  Roy’s eyes darted to Bradley.  He was trying to take Hawkeye away? ”Sir, are you taking my bodyguard?”

“Well, think of it as giving you both an opportunity for advancement.”  The Fuhrer smiled.  “If you can prove yourself serious and mature enough for a stable relationship than maybe you can also find yourself a transfer to Central. Basque Grand’s office is still vacant, I would love to find a capable individual to fill that position but I need someone with....more at stake than just his career.  I want a man who is dedicated to the military and to the future of Amestris.  You don’t quite get that perspective unless you settle down and want a better world for your kid.”

Selim smiled at the stunned Colonel and with his other hand pushed his vegetables off the plate and into his napkin.   

You know. 

People make a lot of jokes about how much midwesterners love their Ranch dressing. 

The funny thing about it? It’s not an exaggeration. 

My mom got me a salad from Subway (which, who gets a salad from Subway, mother? Whatever, food.) I said, “What dressing did you get?” 

My mom just stares at me for a minute and then, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world, goes, “Uh. Ranch.” Like, ‘duh, what else would I get?’ 

Now look. I’m not picky. I’ll eat fucking anything. But I have never once in my 23 years of life asked for Ranch dressing to be put on my salad. I don’t hate Ranch, but it’s a dipping sauce, not a salad dressing. 

I, maybe a little too bitchy because I just woke up, said, “Ok. Thanks.” 

Mom goes, “WHat? What’s wrong with that?” 

I said, “Nothing, Mom, Ranch just isn’t even in my top 5 favorite dressings.” 

Oh my god. You’d think I’d just insulted her face. “WHat do you mean, not in your top 5? What could possibly be better than Ranch?” 

I was like, “Idk, thank you for the salad,” and retreated before it blew up in my face. (For the record, honey French is my favorite, then honey mustard, that fuji apple dressing that Panera Bread makes, poppyseed dressing, ceasar dressing, raspberry vinaigrette. Honestly, Ranch is like... #18 on my list of things I would put on a salad. I’ll dip the shit out of some wings in Ranch, but not on a salad.) 

But, “what could possibly be better than Ranch?” was a legitimate question on my mom’s part. And I’ve just been sitting here thinking about it and it occurred to me how obsessed with the shit my family is. 

My mom, my sister, and my brother all mix Ranch into their salsa at Mexican restaurants. My sister and my mom put it on their pizza. My sister once put it on her corn on the cob because she didn’t have mayonnaise to make elotes with (we’re not even going to talk about how badly that didn’t work.) My mom knows how to make 6 different dips using Ranch as a base (some of them are admittedly amazing. Like, there’s one that’s jalepeño-Ranch and oh my gooodddddd I could eat an entire bowl of the shit.) We having something fried? Ope, get the Ranch. Onion rings, chicken wings, zucchini, doesn’t matter, get the Ranch. We run out of that vegetable dip that comes on veggie trays at family functions? GET THE RANCH QUICK. 

Like. 

This shit is fucking ridiculous. 

So, next time you hear a joke about how Midwesterners have nothing but Ranch running through their veins? It’s entirely fucking true.   

midseason breaks really suck ass

But here’s the latest from my facebook memories. 2009/2017

***********FOODOLOGY*************** 1. What is your salad dressing of choice? honey dijon. Ranch. 2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? tgi friday's. Usually Applebee’s. Gotta have me some quesadilla burgers. I also love BJ’s Brewhouse and Bob Evans. 3. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? wings. Pizza. 4. What are your pizza toppings of choice? cheese, pepperoni, and hot sauce. Cheese. 5.What do you like to put on your toast? butter. Butter for use with fried eggs, grape jelly for scrambled. I don’t eat toast unless it’s with eggs. 6. Any vegetables you don't like? not really. i thoroughly enjoy vegetables. I stopped liking broccoli several years ago.  7. Do you eat seafood? no. Still no. Never will. ***********TECHNOLOGY*************** 1. How many televisions are in your house? three. Four total, three that are hooked up. 2. What color cell phone do you have? black. Grey. 3. How long would it take you to look up who invented the Rubber Band? seconds. the interwebs are cool like that. A really long time because I don’t feel like it. 4. Have any idea how many megahertz your computer has? no. i'm sure dave could tell me but i don't know. No. But I’m pretty sure they run in gigahertz now. ***************BIOLOGY****************** 1. Are you right-handed or left-handed? left. Lefty. Hail Satan. 2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? tonsils. Tonsils and gallbladder. 3. What is the last heavy item you lifted? maranda. Marshall. 4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? i had a concussion when i was five. I don’t remember the fall that caused the concussion knocking me unconscious. I just remember my babysitter yelling at me for trying to take a nap because I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep. ************BULLCRAPOLOGY************** 1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no. Meh. Idk. 2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? no idea. I never really had a new name in mind but I’ve always hated mine. 3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? hell yeah i love hot sauce. I’d do it for free but I also wouldn’t turn down a thousand bucks. ************DUMBOLOGY****************** 1. How many pairs of flip flops do you own? six-ish. At least ten. And I only ever wear the red or black ones. 2. Last time you had a run-in with the cops? my fucking birthday. A few years ago I got a ticket for “running a red light”. I maintain that it didn’t turn yellow until I was at the line and there’s no way I could’ve stopped in time. But I paid my $112 and got on with my life. 3. Last person you talked to? chele & megan. In person, Sue at work. Online/texting, Amanda. 4. Last person you hugged? dave. Austen. **************FAVORITOLOGY**************** 1. Season? fall. That will always stay the same. 2. Holiday? fourth of july & new year's. Fourth of July and Halloween. I have no idea what I ever liked about New Year’s. 3. Day of the week? saturday. Thursday & Sunday. 4. Month? october. Don’t really have one, as long as it isn’t snowing. ***********CURRENTOLOGY***************** 1. Missing someone? gary. Dave, my family, my friends. 2. Mood? content, but tired. Pissed about being sick, tired AF, really not wanting to go to work tomorrow. 3. What are you listening to? that 70s show. Literally just the sound of my furnace and laptop. 4. Watching? same. Nothing. ***************RANDOMOLOGY***************** 1. First place you went this morning? pee. I haven’t gone anywhere. It was great. 2. What's the last movie you saw? idk. Die Hard. 3. Do you smile often? yep. Ehh kinda. I mean I like to laugh but I’m not really a happy person. ***************OTHER-OLOGY***************** 1. Do you always answer your phone? rarely. Never unless I’m expecting a specific call. And even then there’s like a 65% chance that I fell asleep and couldn’t answer anyway. 2. Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? could be anyone. Probably Dave. He’s always up then, whether it be just getting up to get ready for work or almost done with the night shift. 3. If you could change your eye color what would it be? i wouldn't. well maybe i'd make them more green than hazel but i like them this way. I like my eyes. And they ARE more green now. 4. Do you prefer cold or hot? warm. Tepid. 5. Whats your favorite gossip magazine? cosmo isn't really a gossip magazine...it's more for sex tips than anything...and it's the only one i read. I don’t read magazines. 6. Have you ever had a pet fish? no.  Nope, my cats would murder it.

8. What's on your wish list for your birthday? this gorgeous ring from tiffany's (don't get the wrong idea - it's only a hundred bucks), and booze. lots and lots of booze. Probably just money. 9. Can you do push ups? no. Not even the girly ones. 10. Can you do a chin up? ha nope. Not since I was 14 in volleyball conditioning. 11. Does the future make you more nervous or excited? both. Nervous. Everything makes me nervous. 12. Do you have any saved texts? yes. I mean who saves texts anymore? That’s what screenshotting is for. 13. Ever been in a car wreck? no. Not a wreck. I was with my mom when she skimmed the side of a van in a parking lot but it was minor damage and I took out someone’s taillight with my truck once in a different parking lot but it literally cost ten dollars to replace it. 14. Do you have an accent? apparently a "yankee" one. I get real southern when I’m drunk or pissed off. Which is funny because I’m not southern. 15. What is the last song to make you cry? idk. every song makes me cry. i can't keep track. My former answer stands. 16. Plans tonight? just got back from megan's. now i'm going to bed. Tonight just ended. I planned to sleep three hours ago. Now I have to pee and actually sleep.  17. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? yeah. Yes but I probably haven’t. 18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? nothing. i have no money. I didn’t get them all yesterday, but the last three things I bought were a phone card, Arby’s, and a box of peppermint crunch junior mints. 19. Have you ever been given roses? just for graduation. i hate flowers. Same. 20. Current worry? bills. How the fuck I’m gonna make it to work tomorrow with this illness. And the weather. 21.Current hate? psoriasis. Winter. And my sinuses. 22. Met someone who changed your life? of course. Everyone I’ve met has changed my life, for better or worse, in large ways and small. 23. How will you bring in the New Year? like a drunken idiot, along with my best friends. In bed. Or probably more accurately, on the couch with my netflix and my kitties. 24. What song represents you? all of them. music in general represents me. Still true. But right now I can’t stop listening to Matchbox Twenty’s second album. Rob Thomas is just so freaking talented. 25. Name three people who might complete this? i don't think anyone on here will. erin maybe, if she gets really bored. Nobody because it’s almost ten years old and this is tumblr. 26. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? no. Probably not. 27. Have you ever been to a concert? many. i've seen eleven shows this year alone. Tons. We go to at least one or two a year. At least. 28. Do you have any tattoos/piercings? ears pierced, one tattoo so far. My ears closed and I’ve added a tattoo.  30. Does anyone love you? hope so. Maybe like two people. 31. Ever had someone sing to you? yeah. Usually Amanda. We serenade each other. 32. When did you last cry? don't know. Christmas day I believe. I was in pain and tired and stressed out and didn’t have time to get ready before going to do festivities.  33. Do you like to cuddle? love it. Ehh. Sometimes. Othertimes I feel like I’m literally suffocating.  34. Have you held hands with anyone today? nooo i didn't get to see him at all :( Um no. We don’t really hold hands. Like almost never. And I haven’t seen him since Wednesday morning, won’t again until January 4th or 5th. 35. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? country - i wasn't allowed to listen to anything else. i still snuck in my sister's room at night to watch vh1 though lol Country. And Matchbox Twenty. That was the first non-country album I ever owned. 36. Are most of the friends in your life new or old? new. a couple old. Old. I like the friends I have and don’t need new ones. 37. Do you like pulpy orange juice? i don't like orange juice at all. unless it's got vodka in it. Fuck no. I don’t want shit floating around in my juice. I do, however, now enjoy the occasional glass of OJ. Couldn’t drink it every day but it’s alright. Mostly I require that my beverages contain copious amounts of caffeine. 

Survey #199

“mama, just killed a man; put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.”

Who is the nicest person you’ve ever met? I dunno, I've truly met so many. How about the meanest? Literally my former best friend, all things considered. I too often ignored her overwhelming ratio of bad versus positive traits. She was an absolute witch when entirely unnecessary to most she met, and even to those she did like, she could be extremely rude and just. Yeah, mean. Do you prefer sugar cookies or peanut butter cookies? Hmmm, probably sugar. Chocolate chip cookies or Oreos? Chocolate chip. What is on your mouse pad? I don't have one. Who was the last person to yell at you? Mom. Why did they yell at you? I don't recall, I just know it was her. What was the last thing you spoke to your mom about? I can't remember. It was as she was leaving for work and nothing major. Where was the last place you took a train to? Never been on a train. What is your favorite sleeping position? What about sitting? Sitting, idk. But I sleep like, kinda on my stomach but twist to my side with my arms positioned up like a fetus' or something. My legs are just kinda just splayed out or bent a bit beside each other. When is the last time you felt appreciated for something you did? Had to be something with Sara when she needed some comfort. Do you ever call friends just to have a casual conversation with them? I don't willingly call anyone. I've texted/messaged friends at random though. Are you the type of person who gets straight to the point? Not really. Do you enjoy playing board games? No. Are there any movies you are wanting to see? The new How To Train Your Dragon, ahhhh! Probably gonna see it with Sara when she comes. Who was the last contact you stored into your cell phone, if you have one? Probably VR. What was the last song you sang along to? Uhhh something by Powerwolf in the shower. Are you a fan of the band Taking Back Sunday? Never heard 'em. Nachos or tacos? I hate tacos, but nachos are literally the best. Do you think Kurt Cobain was assassinated? This is a conspiracy I'm not really educated on. *shrugs* I barely ever rule shit out now after going down the conspiracy theories rabbit hole. Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Not at all. Does it annoy you when people wish away their lives? I'm guessing you mean just wish for things instead of taking action towards achieving them? Yes, it does. Wishing isn't gonna do a damn thing for you. Have you ever lived with somebody with truly repulsive habits? No. Do you tend to say things because they’re appropriate not because you mean them? No. I've probably done it, but not enough to recall an occasion. What was the last thing to perplex you? Some conspiracy theory in Shane Dawson's new series I thought was pretty far-fetched. I've already forgotten it. What was the last thing to fascinate you? Another theory in the same series mentioned above lol. It was about the fires in California. Do you ever have really good dreams, and then the whole next day, you’re in a really good mood because of that really good dream? No. What’s the last thing you bought at the mall? A book. What are you listening to? "Fire & Forgive" by Powerwolf. Have you ever wanted to go to the moon? Not really. Is your favorite author the author of your favorite book? No. What are you looking forward to the most? Settling down comfortably with Sara with nice jobs, pets we love, a house we feel is perfect for us, and just. Yeah, all of that. ;v; What’s the last CD you bought? I haven't bought one since Hollywood Undead's "Swan Songs." Is that your favorite cd by that artist? I'm not too familiar with their albums, but I think? What food do you eat the most of? Idk, really. Meats? Some form of bread? What food do you not eat enough of? Vegetables. If you HAD to look like someone else, but could choose who, who would you choose? Probably Suzy Hanson. I'm gay as all fuck hell for that sweetheart. What’s something you’re proud of yourself for? DEDICATING TO THE PROCESS OF RECOVERY. Think of your favorite band… if you got to talk to ONE person from that band, who would it be, and why them? Ozzy because he is my granddad, savior, and most importantly, spirit animal. Have you ever seen someone get a tattoo done? If so, what was it? Did they cry or were they in a lot of pain? Yeah; it was a watercolor feather with "ohana" written on it. She didn't cry, nor was it excruciating. What do you like on hot dogs? Ketchup and mustard. Favorite sport team? I'm biased towards the Carolina Hurricanes because of Dad. Do you live somewhere where it’s completely safe to walk alone at night? No. Have you ever lived with someone who was a total slob? Yup. Have you ever interviewed a job applicant at your workplace? N/A Have you ever gone over 3 months without shaving/waxing your legs? Yeah, or close to it. Would you ever consider being a foster parent? No. What’s your opinion on lottery tickets? Waste of money, or no? A waste and a risk for addiction. What are some things that make others cry, that don’t make you cry at all? Well, this is hard. I cry at pretty much anything moving. Have you ever swam in a saltwater pool? No. Can you run in heels? I highly doubt that. My balance is bad as it is. Do you think anyone has given up on you? I'm sure Colleen has. When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation? Today, but literally most days on FB anyway with my stepmother and abortion. Do you pay your own cellphone bill, or do your parents pay it for you? Dad pays it. Have you seen every Harry Potter movie in theaters? No. Have you ever been pregnant? No. Would you ever drive a hearse for your car? Fuck yeah I would if I could decorate it some. What snacks do you usually take to the beach with you? I haven't gone to the beach consistently enough to known. Do you like to eat tomato soup along with your grilled cheese? No. Have you ever watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer? No. Do you have thick or thin hair? Thick as all fuck. If you have thick hair, do you get it thinned when you get it cut? I get it like, tapered so the ends aren't so abrupt. If you have thin hair, do you wish it were thick? N/A What kind of shoes do you normally purchase? Converse or Vans. Did you like Pokemon or Digimon when you were younger? Pokemon was and still is everything. Do you sleep with your hair up or down? It's too short to go up, but I didn't when it was long. When you go swimming, do you put your hair up or down? ^ Do you do any special workouts to stay in shape? I've started doing some yoga exercises and push-ups everyday to try to get IN shape. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? I'd say they're fine. Is there a day you’d just like to forget? Which one? The day I ODed. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? I haven't worn a dress since my sister's wedding three years ago... and I looked awful. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? No. What is the one stereotype people label you as most? Don't really hear those nowadays. Who makes you the most angry in your life right now? My last fucking school. How many times have you seen Star Wars? Be honest. Literally once, and I hated it. It was incredibly uninteresting. Do you like flowers? What’s your favorite kind? YEAH. I love orchids and dahlias. How many grades have you failed in your life? None. Do you own a car? Who provides your insurance if so? No. Are you someone who can easily keep a secret? Yup. When was the last time you painted something? December, a painting for Sara. Who was the last female you hung out with? My mom. When is the next time you’re going on vacation? Hell if I know. Are you currently renting out your own apartment? No. Have you taken anyone’s virginity? No. Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house and what kind? No. Have you ever made your boy/girlfriend choose between you and someone else? No. Do you remember when some of the Walmarts had a McDonald’s in them? Our neighboring town still has one. When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? I dunno. What color are your curtains and are you satisfied with this color? Maroon, and yes. When was the last time you were stung by a bee and what kind was it? Last year by a bumblebee. Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? Yes. What’s your favorite kind of potato chip and are they cheap to buy? Hm. Maybe classic... or cool ranch. Who was the last male you hung out with? My dad. Are you self-conscious? You have no idea. Do you tend to get sick more often in the wintertime? If not, is there a certain season that you get sick more often in besides winter? No. I rarely ever get sick. Do you find yourself being more of a germaphobe when you’re in public? Uh, duh. What is the worst thing you’ve seen in a public restroom? Blood under the seat. And I mean quite a bit. I usually check under them now after that event with Colleen. Nerdy question time. If you were in a more medieval time period, would you prefer to excel in might, magic, or finesse? MAGIC. Do you have an friends from foreign countries? Are they online friends or foreign exchange students? Or perhaps you have some from both? Online friends. Have you ever studied how your last name originated? Yeah. What is one recipe that you would like to learn how to make? Hell, a lot. I need to know how to cook period. How many hours can you go after a meal before you are hungry again? Does the time vary off how big of a meal it was? Depends on what I ate. Can be like... 4-5 hours or I can fast and go beyond 16. Really varies. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? HUNNY don't DO THIS. Oh Lord. I really don't think I can pick. I know back then it was "The Call," though. Favorite *N Sync song? Probably "Bye Bye Bye." Which of those two bands did you like best? Backstreet Boys. *heart eyes drool emoji* Do you learn choreography easily? I was okay back in dance, but I doubt it now. My memory and focus have declined. What is the theme of this year’s wall calendar? Idk, Mom hasn't changed it yet. Do you believe that Jesus will come back in your lifetime? I don't believe that concept. Do you still have your favorite toy from when you were kid? Apparently no; asked Mom recently outta curiosity, and I was VERY surprised. I don't know how I ever could've gotten rid of him. Which do you do more: read books, spend time online, or watch television? Guess. What do you do the most when you’re online? Listen to/watch YouTube. Is your 2019 off to a good start? Eh, I suppose. What color is your winter coat? I don't have one. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Reese's. Do you think you’re too old to go trick-or-treating? Well, according to society. Do you have a bobblehead? If yes, what does your bobblehead look like? No. Were you afraid of heights as a child? No. What’s the strangest thing you’ve wrapped a present in? Nothing odd? Can you read in the car? I don't know if I've ever done that? Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Would you ever take a solo road trip? Nah. What is the most fascinating part of nature? Shit dude, idk. There's so much. Evolution, maybe. When did you last go to the library? What book(s) did you check out? Couldn't tell ya. Have you ever gotten in trouble for running up your phone bill? Nope. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't plan to any time soon. Do people normally say you’re a fast typer, or are you rather slow? Very fast. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? It's 2019. "Concept" my ass. Have you ever worked in retail? Never again. Are you even a little bit racist? No. Were you more fond of swings, monkey bars, or seesaws as a child? Swings. Do you believe in a near-future apocalyptic event? We can't predict that. A meteor could fuck us tonight, or the supervolcano in Yellowstone could erupt the next time I blink. May not be for thousands of years. Do you have a chandelier in your home? No. Do you have a bar with stools? No. Don’t you love American Horror Story: Asylum? I didn't watch it. When’s the last time you blew some bubbles? No clue. Are you self conscious about your nails? Not too much. Which pair of pants that you own are your favorites? Why do you like them? Pretty much all I have are yoga pants and leggings that all look the same... Now if I can include pj pants, the soft, black, white, and lilac Jack Skellington ones I have. They're comfy. Have you ever had any kind of dangerous addiction? What’s this addiction? No. Are your parents still married, divorced, or split up? Like this decision? Divorced. And I mean, any person would wish their parents were together ideally, but just with how mine always fought and just constantly seemed angry at each other, I'm glad they are. Are you a Jeffree Star fan? Or no? Do you think he’s awesome/dumb? I love that alien. His personality is so bubbly, he cracks me the hell up, and he's gone through so much growth. Are any of your favorite shows too dirty for television? Which ones? No. Are there any colorful quilts in your room? Which ones are colorful? No. Do you own a guitar? Specify. Which brand of guitar do you own? I do, but I don't recall the brand; I don't play it anymore. I just know it's black and white. Are you a monogamous person? Or do you hate commitment? Monogamous. Who was the last person who was rude to you? Idk, probably Mom. Have you ever met someone in person that you first met online? Yeah. Have you ever taken a test to see if you are colorblind? No. Who do you know who is dyslexic? Idk. Describe your dream wedding in five words. Small, memorable, gothic, emotional, and sincere are a few words I can think of. Is weed legal in your state? No. Have you ever thrown up in class? In kindergarten, I believe. What is something that you used to be ashamed of, but now you’re not? Mmmmm I dunno. OH ACTUALLY, for quite a while I was embarrassed of liking Pokemon for yeeeaaars because at that time it was seen as "weird," but now like. Give me everything Pokemon. Have you ever held a newborn baby? No. Are a ton of your Facebook friends getting married and having kids now? Yes. I sometimes forget we're at that age where it's kinda normal. What’s the last supernatural thing that happened to you? Idk. If you’re a Christian, how long have you known the Lord? N/A Do you live in an apartment, condo, dorm, or house? A house. Do you have a sibling with the same first initial as you? Well, it's his nickname. Do you ever eat kids’ food (as in, meals made for kids)? Hell yeah, give me that fuckin nachos Lunchable. Do you remember pre-school? I have vague memories. How old were you when you made your first friend? Two. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? The Incredibles 2, probably. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? It's game over if you recognize my Markiplier tattoo lmao. Do you refer to yourself by any sort of fan nickname (Belieber, Little Monster, etc.)? I will always be a GMM mythical beast, fucking fight me. What sort of situations make you feel most self-conscious or inadequate? Are there any people or places that just make you want to crawl into a hole? If you can’t think of anything specific, can you remember the last time (or any time) you felt this way? When I'm in a position where it's my responsibility to be knowledgeable, hence why I've struggled so immensely with work. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? I use Ozzkat like, everywhere, and it's my fave. Are there any cities near you that you’re afraid to go to because of the crime rate or its other bad reputations? Yes. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? Ha, yeah. Can you remember the last thing you thought and subsequently thought, “wow, I really shouldn’t be thinking that”? PTSD and OCD alike give me intrusive thoughts occasionally, so. How long does it take you in the morning to fix your hair? It takes just a few seconds to wet my hand(s) and go over the back where it usually sticks up like crazy. My hair is otherwise short enough where I have to do like... nothing. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to be around your ex everyday? No. Do you prefer kisses on the nose, cheek or forehead? Cheek. Have you seen someone recently you used to talk to, but don’t anymore? No. Do you prefer a lot of ice in your drinks or just a little bit of ice? None. I don't like it to water down my drink, and even with water, I worry about one/some small ones going down my throat. Well, in margaritas it's obviously fine, just because it's so fine. Which condiment (ketchup, mustard, etc.) do you use the most of? Ketchup or honey mustard. Would you ever flirt with somebody in front of your parents? With my s/o, sure, just not if it's even mildly sexual. Have your parents ever questioned your virginity? Yeah. Have you ever spent over $100.00 on an article of clothing? What was it? FUCK no. Do you think your parents know things about you that you don’t want them to? Mom might. I doubt Dad does. How many of your friends play World of Warcraft? I think Sam still does, maybe Alex, and then I have a number of acquaintances exclusive to the game. Actually Girt might too... maybe. I just know he keeps up with the lore. Are caterpillars more cute or disgusting? CUTE. Would you rather receive roses or sunflowers? I'd appreciate either, but I prefer roses as flowers. Is your dad bald? No. Surprised honestly; he's in his mid-50s, and while it's gray, there's no less of it than there's always been. Who is the most boring or dullest person that you know of? Uhhhhhhhh I dunno. How long do you have until your birthday? Three days y e e t Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Do you remember the name of the first bar you ever went to? Never been to one. Were you of age? N/A When was the last time you wanted to do something, but couldn’t? With how Sara's been such a flirt lately, I deadass wanna pin her to a wall and go ham. Is there a certain song you like to headbang to? I don't for the sake of avoiding a headache and getting dizzy. Anything you might be giving up on soon? In the back of my mind, every once in a while lately, my hope's dimmed for photography, but I just refuse to give up. Have you ever made any kind of video? Yeah. Have you ever taken someone back after they’ve cheated? Hell no. How many living grandparents do you still have? One. Is there a garage or carport attached to your house? No. Have you ever stayed in a hotel without your parents or older relatives? No.