#I do have plans but sometimes plans don’t happen
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THE OTHER SIDE OF PARADISE - rafe cameron (+18) - two
request: "a rafe enemies to lovers 🫣 the reader is jjs sister the whole drama before but then she gets left behind on the ship and rafe ends up comforting her and then yea that’s all I got you can do whatever else the rest 😛"
WARNINGS: maybank!reader x sorta canon!rafe; doesn't exactly follow the real plot line but...it does?; am i turning this into a series? maybe.
word count: 6k...
Neither of you ever mentioned that night again, as if it had never happened. It couldn't have happened; it must have been a figment of your overactive imagination.
There was no way in hell you would have let Rafe Cameron have you on top of a dining table, living up to the derogatory "dirty pogue" nickname. You were better than that. You knew better.
Despite that...You found it impossible to look at him for the next forty-eight hours. In fact, facing yourself in the mirror became a challenge, so much so that you refused his help in tending to your wound. Self-sufficiency had long been your norm. Growing up with Luke meant mastering the art of tending to your bruises from a young age.
Initially, there was an undeniable tension between you and Rafe.
Every time your paths crossed, it dragged you back to that regretful moment—the feeling of his hands, the memory of his presence inside you—but there were bigger things at stake, and so, you pushed the nagging feelings aside, focusing on one thing only: getting out.
You and Rafe didn’t mix, oil and water, two stubborn bastards with heavy emotional baggage. Sometimes it was tricky to work together, but other days, it flowed so easily it gave you whiplash. In the time that followed, you both worked tirelessly to plan your getaway, meticulously plotting every detail to ensure success and not another round of bullets. Your job was to sit around and act innocent, while Rafe had to ensure you had a way out and enough money to pay someone off. Avoiding Ward was easy enough since he spent most of his time in Guadalupe.
Rafe scoffed; his arms crossed over his chest as he eyed the small, weather-beaten boat skeptically. "I'm not getting into that piece of shit. No fucking way," he declared, voice dripping with disdain.
You rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the knot of frustration building in your chest. He was so fucking insufferable.
"Oh, so you've got a better suggestion?" you shot back in defiance.
He shot you a glare, but you couldn’t help but notice how his eyes caught the shimmer of the clear night sky, "I do," he retorted, gesturing towards a sleek motorboat moored nearby. "That one looks like it might get us somewhere without sinking halfway."
You followed his gaze, your entire face scrunching up as you took in the sight of the motorboat. It was certainly more modern and well-maintained than the rusty old dinghy you had been eyeing, but something about it made you uneasy.
"Hell no?” you hesitated, chewing on your bottom lip nervously. "It seems a bit...too much. We don't want to draw any unnecessary attention to ourselves."
Rafe rolled his eyes, "C'mon,” he scoffed, his voice tinged with impatience. "This isn't the time to be playing it safe. We need to get out of here, and that boat is our best chance."
You bit your lip, torn between your instincts and Rafe's seemingly reckless impulsiveness. On one hand, you didn't want to take any unnecessary risks, but on the other hand, you knew that time was running out and you needed to act fast. Ward was coming back to the island soon enough and if he dragged Rafe away with him…you were a lost cause. There was no third chance.
“What about the guards?” your voice dropped to a whisper as you glanced around nervously. The last thing you needed was someone overhearing your plans.
Rafe’s stare flickered with a hint of irritation, “I’ve got it covered,” Your skepticism must have shown on your face because he stepped closer, lowering his voice, “Look, I know you don’t trust me, but I’m not about to let us get caught. I’ve been dealing with Ward’s security my whole life. I know how to slip past them.”
You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration, “Fine. But if this goes south, it’s on you.”
“Yeah, yeah, isn’t it always?” he replied, dismissively waving a hand, “Just try not to get shot this time.”
"You think you're so fucking funny, don't you?"
"Keep your voice down."
The tension between you two was palpable, but there was no time to dwell on it. You both turned your attention back to the task at hand. The sleek motorboat gleamed in the fading light, its potential for escape glinting like a promise of freedom. As night fell, you both moved with practiced stealth, with a reluctant nod, you followed him towards the sleek motorboat. The docks were eerily quiet, save for the gentle lapping of the waves against the hulls of the boats. Your heart pounded in your chest as you kept a lookout for any sign of the guards. Rafe moved with the confidence that you envied, quickly untying the boat and preparing it for departure. You glanced around nervously, half-expecting to hear the shout of a guard at any moment. Every shadow seemed like a threat, every noise a potential alarm.
“Hurry up,” you hissed, glancing over your shoulder.
“Calm the fuck down,” Rafe muttered, though he did quicken his pace. “We’re almost ready.”
Your anxiety spiked. This was it. No turning back. Rafe started the engine, the low rumble sounding like a roar in the silent night. You winced, half-expecting the noise to draw attention. The sound was louder than you expected. But luck seemed to be on your side.
“C’mon,” He whispered, his eyes scanning the area for any sign of trouble, “Get in.”
You climbed aboard, your hands shaking as you settled into the seat.
“Go!” you urged, glancing back at the docks nervously. Rafe didn’t need to be told twice. The boat lurched forward, cutting through the water with surprising speed. As the island receded into the distance, you felt a surge of hope. For the first time in months, freedom was within reach.
As Rafe guided the boat out of the harbor, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.
“See? I told you it’d be fine,” Rafe said, a hint of smugness in his voice.
“Just keep your eyes on the water,” you retorted, refusing to give him the satisfaction of being right.
He adjusted the throttle, the boat picking up speed. "Relax, Maybank. Enjoy the ride," he said, his tone dripping with mock concern.
You shot him a withering look, gripping the edge of your seat. "Just focus on getting us out of here in one piece.”
He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, a muscle in his jaw ticking. "You think I don't know what I'm doing?"
"Frankly, I don’t care what you think you know. Just keep us moving," you snapped back, your voice tense.
Rafe's hands tightened on the wheel, but he said nothing. The silence between you was a common thing, the hum of the engine the only sound cutting through the night. Minutes passed, each one stretching longer than the last. The coastline was a distant memory now, the open water vast and foreboding. You kept scanning the horizon, every wave a potential threat.
"You're acting like we're about to get ambushed by pirates," Rafe finally said, his tone lighter but edged with irritation.
"Better safe than sorry," you muttered, refusing to meet his gaze.
Rafe let out a sharp laugh. "Always so paranoid. That's what gets you in trouble."
You whipped your head around to glare at him. “No, your family got me in trouble. In case you’ve forgotten.”
His face hardened, the easy bravado slipping for just a moment, “Huh, right. ‘Cause your friends are such fucking saints.”
“At least they’re not murder—”
You cut yourself off before you said it, but the damage was done anyways. Rafe's jaw tightened, the muscle there twitching as he ground his teeth, lips pressed into a thin, unforgiving line. He didn't respond verbally, but the anger radiating from him was answer enough to you.
He turned his attention back to the horizon, his grip on the wheel tightening until his knuckles were white. The boat's engine roared louder as he increased the speed, the vessel slicing through the water with renewed urgency. The waves splashed higher, and the night air became colder, but Rafe didn't seem to notice. His focus was absolute. Yeah, he was pissed.
What could you possibly say? Apologize? There was no way in hell you were apologizing to him. Not after everything his father had put you through. If anyone owed an apology, it was him. And you knew you'd see the world end before Rafe Cameron ever uttered those words. It was infuriating. There he was taking a step forward, leaving his loyalty to Ward behind and he still refused to show remorse if not between four walls with you. Never out in the open, never too loud.
The sound of the engine became a steady thrum, drowning out any other noise, as if creating a barrier between you and the rest of the world. You sat in silence, each lost in your thoughts, the weight of the past pressing down on you like a lead blanket. It was done. And although you wished things had been differently, they weren’t.
Despite the chill in the air, sweat prickled at the back of your neck, tension coiling in your muscles. The night stretched on, like a never-ending path.
After what felt like an eternity, a sliver of light appeared on the horizon, signaling the approach of dawn. You breathed a sigh of relief, the tension in your shoulders easing slightly. The worst was over, for now at least.
Rafe glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, “We’re almost there. Keep an eye out for any patrol boats," he instructed, his voice curt and businesslike. He was all focus still, facade slipping away to reveal that calculating side that had always unnerved you.
You nodded, scanning the waters diligently. The further you went, the more the reality of your situation sank in. You were out there, in the middle of nowhere, relying on a Cameron to get you to safety. The irony was almost laughable.
“Where are we heading?" you asked, breaking the silence. Your voice was softer, the edge of anger dulled by exhaustion.
Rafe glanced at you, his expression unreadable. "We'll head south, find somewhere to lay low for a while. I've got contacts who owe me favors."
“Uh? We’re not going back to The Outer Banks?”
He shook his head, attention fixed on the horizon. “No. Not unless you want to get killed.”
The Outer Banks, once your home, now felt like a trap waiting to snap shut. You should’ve figured Ward would send someone after you the minute he figured you were gone. A loose end. Shills ran down your body as you remembered your close encounter with death.
"Your contacts won’t sell us out?"
He smirked, though there was no humor in it. "They know better than to cross me. Criminal, remember?”
You sighed, ready to jump into the water if it meant a little space from the unbearable atmosphere. Despite everything, you couldn't shake the nagging feeling of guilt that twisted in your gut.
“You know what I meant, Rafe.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“Listen,” you began, your voice faltering as you struggled to find the right words. He glanced at you, his expression guarded, but you pressed on, determined to break through the wall of resentment that had formed between you, “I don’t care, okay? Not right now. What matters is that you’re here, not with him.”
Rafe's face softened slightly; the hard edges of his demeanor were momentarily blunted by your words. He looked away, his jaw working as if he were chewing over something in his mind. When he finally spoke, his voice was quieter, more subdued than before.
“If you say so.”
As you drew nearer to the shore, details of the island began to come into focus. Lush greenery blanketed the landscape, punctuated by towering palm trees swaying gently in the breeze. It was oddly like the place you’d been stuck in for months, but this time, there was no sense of dread in you. The boat slowed as Rafe expertly maneuvered it into a small cove, sheltered from prying threats by rocky outcrops and overhanging foliage. With a soft thud, the vessel came to a stop, the engine sputtering into silence.
Once he was done, he stepped onto the water, knees deep as the sandy shore still lay a little ahead. You blinked in confusion as he turned to you, his arms open wide in a gesture that left you momentarily perplexed. The water laps gently against the sides of the boat, its surface reflecting the golden hues of the setting sun.
"What are you doing?" you asked, your brow furrowing in bemusement as you eyed his outstretched arms.
“Helping you.”
You blinked, caught off guard by his simple gesture of assistance. It took a moment for his words to register, and when they did, a faint blush tinged your cheeks at your slowness. In all fairness, you weren’t used to this side of Rafe. You’d only seen it a few times and it was…something else entirely.
“Right.”
As Rafe's hand brushed against your waist while helping you out of the boat, your skin prickled in goosebumps, despite your efforts to remain composed. You quickly brushed off the sensation, chalking it up to nerves from the situation. With a grateful nod, you stepped onto the sandy shore, feeling the warm grains shift beneath your feet. The island stretched out before you, its landscape dotted with lush vegetation and towering trees. It was larger than you had anticipated, much bigger than Ward’s private hell.
"We should find a place to sleep,” you said, turning to Rafe as you scanned the horizon for any signs of civilization.
He nodded in agreement, his gaze following yours as he surveyed the landscape. "Let's head towards the center of the island. There should be some motels.”
With a shared nod, you set off along the sandy shore, the waves crashing against the beach providing a rhythmic backdrop to your footsteps. The warm, humid air carried the scent of salt and seaweed, adding to the coastal ambiance. As you walked, an uneasy feeling crept over you, the hairs on the back of your neck prickling, maybe it was just the paranoia that had become like second nature to you over the past year.
After a while, you noticed a winding path leading into the dense foliage of the island's interior. Without a word, you and Rafe followed it, venturing deeper into the heart of the island. The sounds of civilization faded, replaced by the rustling of leaves and the chirping of birds.
Finally, after what felt like hours of walking, you emerged into a clearing. Before you stood a beat up motel, its faded paint and weather-beaten facade blending seamlessly into the surrounding landscape.
"This should do," you said, nodding towards the building, "I guess."
“Yeah. Good for a night or two, my contact won’t be here till then.”
As you entered the motel lobby, the air was thick with the scent of stale cigarettes and cheap air freshener. Rafe followed closely behind you, his expression unreadable as he glanced around the dimly lit room. You approached the front desk, where a bored-looking clerk sat slouched behind the counter, flipping through a magazine with half-hearted interest.
"Hi there," Rafe said, flashing a charming smile as he leaned casually against the counter. "My wife and I are looking for a room for the night."
His what? Your eyes widened in surprise, but you quickly masked your reaction, playing along with his impromptu act. It was obvious it wasn't the first time Rafe had pulled a stunt like this, and you had to admit, he had a knack for getting what he wanted. To pretend and lie his way out.
The clerk glanced up from his magazine, peeking over the two of you with mild curiosity. "Sure thing," he said, his tone disinterested. "How many nights?"
"One for now," Rafe replied smoothly, reaching into his pocket to produce a wad of cash that you hadn't even realized he had. It was a substantial amount, more than enough to cover the cost of survival for at least two weeks.
The clerk took the cash without comment, handing Rafe a key with a grunt of acknowledgment. "Room 203," he said, gesturing towards a staircase in the corner of the lobby. "Upstairs, second door on the left."
"Thanks," Rafe said, pocketing the key with a nod of gratitude. He turned to you; his expression unreadable. "Let’s go, baby.”
Baby?
He must've been out of his goddamn mind. His hand found yours, rough fingers intertwining with yours in a gesture that felt oddly intimate. You glanced at him, confused, but he simply squeezed your hand reassuringly, focused on the hallway ahead.
When you reached the door to room, he released your hand with a reluctant sigh. That always happened with him, there was always something new you couldn’t pinpoint, but eventually got used to. The charming, panty-dropping posture was gone in an instant, replaced by his usual brooding demeanor as he unlocked the door and pushed it open, revealing a modest but comfortable-looking room.
“After you.”
You swallowed your surprise at his manners and stepped into the room, grateful for the relative privacy it offered. Rafe followed close behind, closing the door behind him with a soft click. It was sparsely furnished, with a queen-sized bed dominating the space and a small television mounted on the wall opposite. A worn armchair sat in the corner, and a narrow window offered a glimpse of the night sky outside.
"It’s a fucking dump,” Rafe said, his tone light but with an underlying note of exhaustion. "But it'll do for now."
You sank onto the edge of the bed with a weary sigh “Better than my room back home.”
“Really?”
"Don't act so surprised," you said with a wry smile, a hint of defiance creeping into your tone. "We're not exactly living in luxury over there."
You could see the realization dawn on Rafe's face as if he’d forgotten your background, “Didn’t think it was that bad for you.”
"Yeah, well, appearances can be deceiving," you replied, trying to keep your tone light despite the underlying edge of irritation. "But let's save up the pity for later. I'm more interested in asking you why the fuck you got just one room with one bed."
“I can sleep on the floor, relaaax.”
You shoot him a skeptical look, eyebrow raised in disbelief. "Seriously?" you ask, a hint of incredulity coloring your voice. "You'd actually sleep on the floor?"
He shrugged, "Why not? It's not like I haven't slept in worse places."
You didn’t want to delve into that. Instead, you only studied him for a moment, searching for any hint of insincerity in his expression. To your surprise, you found none. Moments like these reminded you that he was human, and you hated it.
“Okay.”
With a weary sigh, you rose from the bed and began to remove your shoes, the events of the day finally catching up with you. Exhaustion settled into your bones, dragging you down like an unbearable weight.
Rafe watched you for a moment before turning away to rummage through spare sheets and pillows, preparing a makeshift bed. There was no time to change clothes; you had left the little you had behind. As you slipped beneath the covers and closed your eyes, you couldn't shake the feeling that this was only the calm before the storm. It felt too easy.
You heard the rustle of sheets as he settled onto the floor, making himself as comfortable as possible, “Don’t fucking snore, Cameron.”
Rafe chuckled softly, the rare sound carrying through the darkness of the room. "Wouldn't dream of it, Maybank.”
Hours later, you woke suddenly, your heart pounding in your chest, the remnants of a nightmare still clinging to the edges of your consciousness. For a moment, you lay there in the darkness, disoriented and trying to make sense of your surroundings. Then, you heard it—a low, murmured voice coming from the other side of the room. Turning towards the source of the sound, you saw Rafe lying on the makeshift bed on the floor, his face twisted in a grimace of pain.
He was tossing and turning restlessly, his brow furrowed as he muttered incomprehensible words under his breath. Concern gnawed at your gut as you watched him, the sight of him trapped in a nightmare and it weirdly stirred something protective within you. Despite everything, despite the walls he put up, you didn’t like to see him in pain. It felt so familiar, and for a second you were back home, in your room, rocking yourself back and forth after waking up in hysterical screams.
Moving quietly, you slipped out of bed and crossed the room to kneel beside him. Gently, you reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a gentle shake.
"Rafe," you whispered softly, trying to rouse him from his restless slumber. "Hey, wake up."
In the next second, you were gasping for breath as Rafe's hands closed around your throat in a vice-like grip. Shock and fear surged through you, your body instinctively fighting against his hold as you struggled to break free.
"R-Rafe!" you gasped, your voice coming out in a strangled whisper as you clawed at his hands, desperate for release. But he was lost in the grip of his nightmare, his grip unyielding as he continued to squeeze, his eyes wide and unseeing.
Panic took over you as the world blurred around the edges, darkness creeping into your vision while your lungs burned for air. Frantically, you tried to call out to him, to wake him from whatever hellish nightmare held him in its grasp, but your voice was little more than a choked rasp, "Rafe!"
Then, as suddenly as it began, the pressure around your throat vanished, leaving you gasping and wheezing for breath as you collapsed against the bed. Blinking away the tears that pricked at your eyes, you looked up to see him kneeling beside you, his hands shaking as he stared at you with wide, horrified eyes.
"Fuck, fuck," he whispered, his voice trembling with fear and disbelief. "Shit, shit. I didn't mean to—I didn't know—"
His words were choked off by a strangled sob as he buried his face in his hands, his entire body shaking with the force of his sobs. It was a startling sight, seeing the usually composed and confident Rafe Cameron reduced to this, his vulnerability laid bare for you to see. For a moment, you were frozen, unsure of what to do or say in the face of such raw emotion. But then, instinct kicked in, and you reached out to him, wrapping your arms around him.
He practically dragged you into his lap, one hand wrapped around your waist and the other tangled in your hair. He only shook his head, his sobs growing louder as he buried his face where your neck and shoulder met, his entire body wracked with tremors. All you could do was hold him close, offering whatever comfort you could. Eventually, his sobs began to subside, his breathing evening out as he clung to you like a lifeline.
You held him close, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head, “Better?”
Rafe nodded against your shoulder; his breathing still ragged but gradually steadying. "Yeah," he murmured, his voice barely audible above the soft sound of your heartbeat. "Yeah, I think so."
You remained silent, holding him close as he slowly calmed down. The weight of his body against yours was oddly comforting, grounding you in the present moment and pushing back the memories of his violent outburst just moments before.
After a while, Rafe pulled away slightly, his eyes red-rimmed but clear as he looked up at you "I didn't mean to hurt—”
You reached out and brushed a stray lock of his blonde hair from his sweaty forehead, your touch gentle and reassuring. "I know," you whispered softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "It was just a nightmare. I have them too.”
You don't know why you offer him that solace.
"You do?"
You nodded, though you knew he couldn't see it in the dim light.
"Yeah," you admitted, your voice soft but steady. "They’re pretty bad too.”
There was a brief pause, filled only with the sound of your quiet breathing and the distant hum of the night outside. Then, Rafe spoke again, his voice tinged with curiosity, "What do you dream about?"
You hesitated, unsure of how much to reveal. But something in Rafe's earnest expression urged you to be honest, to let down your guard just this once, “Luke. You?”
Rafe's immediate reaction was defensive, hands pulling away from your body, “Doesn't matter."
You felt stupid for asking him such a personal thing. He wasn't like you.
“Do you want to sleep in bed with me? It might be better than the floor."
"I'm fine on the floor. Don't worry about me."
But you weren't about to let him off the hook that easily. With a sigh, you reached out and gently grasped his arm, turning him to face you again, "Rafe," you said, voice borderline pleading, “Just sleep on the bed. Okay?"
For a moment, he hesitated, his gaze flickering between you and the bed, but with a reluctant sigh, he nodded, his defenses crumbling.
"Okay, okay," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. "Fine."
With that, he rose from the floor and cautiously joined you on the bed, his usual bravado replaced by a rare hesitancy. You shifted slightly to make room for him, and as he settled beside you, a wave of warmth and comfort washed over you, “Don’t snore.”
“Not more than you do.”
The rest of the night passed in a blur of fitful sleep and restless dreams, but somehow, with Rafe by your side, it felt more bearable. When morning finally came, you awoke to find he was already gone, his side of the bed cold, no traces of his presence, and a messy scribbled note left behind on the bedside table.
"Picking up food and clothes, brb. Don't open the door."
You felt relieved that he hadn't disappeared without a word and was instead putting in the effort to rely on you. Deep down, you knew he had left as soon as he woke up, probably sprinting out of the room to avoid waking you and having any awkward confrontations about last night. It was going to be a long day, especially if he was determined to hide his emotions and weaknesses. You knew the old, bad Rafe Cameron would make a reappearance.
Pushing aside your conflicting emotions, you rose from the bed and stretched. The events of the previous night began to fade into the background as you focused on the task at hand: a shower. You stank. It had been two days since you had washed, and the thought of having gone to sleep in such a state made you want to hurl. You’d have to ask for another set of fresh sheets if you stayed another night.
As you stepped into the bathroom, the warm water cascading over your skin felt like a soothing balm, washing away the remnants of fear and tension from the previous night. The steam filled the small space, enveloping you like a comforting embrace as you took your time, allowing the water to ease the knots of stress from your muscles. You focused on the simple act of washing away the dirt and grime, letting the familiar routine ground you.
Yet, even as you lathered soap onto your skin, your mind couldn't help but drift back to Rafe, to the way he had clung to you in the darkness, his vulnerability laid bare. It served as another reminder that despite his tough exterior, he was just as human as any of you, with fears and insecurities that ran deep. And it terrified you, because up until last month Rafe Cameron was not capable of emotions to you, only violence.
You stepped out of the shower, the steam still lingering in the air and with a towel wrapped snugly around your body, you stepped back into the main room of the motel, feeling refreshed.
“Huh, good morning to you too.”
You nearly jumped out of your skin, “Fuck!”
Rafe stood leaning against the doorway, something similar to a playful smirk playing at the corners of his lips as he watched your startled reaction. His arms were laden with bags of groceries and a few articles of clothing.
"Didn't mean to scare you. Just wanted to make sure you were alive in there."
You stared at him incredulously, “Turn around!”
He scoffed, walking into the room as he closed the door with his foot, “Nothing I haven’t seen before.”
He said it so casually, it irked you. As if you two hadn’t been purposely ignoring that night ever happened. You shot him a withering glare, snatching a towel from the nearby chair and aiming at his face, full force.
"That's not the point, Cameron," you grumbled, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment, “And you didn’t see shit. I was dressed.”
Rafe raised an eyebrow, catching the towel with ease before tossing it back to you "What's the matter, Maybank? You shy all of a sudden?"
“Will you shut up?”
Rafe held up his hands in mock surrender, his grin widening as he leaned against the nearest wall. There was no point in getting into a pointless argument with him, especially not when you had more important things to worry about. Instead, you focused on drying yourself off and getting dressed in the bathroom, slamming the door behind you.
As you emerged again, fully dressed and composed, Rafe had already begun unpacking the bags of groceries, laying out an assortment of food on the small table in the corner of the room. The sight of the makeshift spread made your stomach growl in anticipation, reminding you just how long it had been since your last meal.
“Hungry?” Rafe asked, glancing up from where he was arranging the food.
You nodded eagerly, making your way over to the table and helping yourself to a plate of fruit and plain toast. As you ate, Rafe filled you in on his plans for the day. It was strange, hearing Rafe talk so casually, without insults, without fear, or threats. For so long, you had seen him as nothing more than a spoiled, entitled rich kid, content to coast through life on his family’s wealth and influence. But ever since that night, you couldn't help but feel a newfound sense of respect for him. He wasn’t Ward.
When he finished speaking, you glanced up from your plate, “Sounds like a plan,” you said, your voice steady and confident. “Is your contact here, yet?”
“Nah, only tomorrow.”
“Great. So, we’re on our own for now?”
“Yeah, you and me, Pretty Maybank.”
"Hey," you began, your tone light as you tried to sound casual, "I've been curious—why do you call me 'Pretty Maybank'? Is there a story behind it?"
Rafe's gaze flicked up from where he was picking at his food, a hint of surprise in his expression. He seemed taken aback by your question as if he hadn't expected you to bring it up.
He shrugged, "I don't know," he admitted his voice casual but tinged with a hint of embarrassment. "Just seemed fitting, I guess."
You raised an eyebrow, unconvinced, "Fitting? How so?"
Rafe hesitated, elbows dropping to the table as he searched for the right words. "I don't know," he repeated, his voice softer this time. "You just...are pretty, Maybank, everyone knows that.”
You felt like there was more to the story.
“Oh.”
He leaned back, now sat in the old chair, “Might start calling you snoring Maybank though.”
Your lips twitched, fighting back a smile, “You’re not funny. At all.”
“Sure.”
You tilted your head, studying him intently. He looked like a completely different person from last night, “Do you feel any better?”
“About what?” He feigned innocence, avoiding your gaze, as his fingers started tapping nervously on the table. You knew what that meant.
You leaned forward, expression softening as you reached out to touch his hand gently. “Uh—Y'know, last night, your nightmare.”
“Don’t,” Rafe's abrupt change in demeanor catches you off guard, his walls shooting up in an instant, his tone laced with defensiveness and irritation. You straightened up, your expression hardening as you withdrew your hand, a wall of your own rising to match his.
"It’s not important," he snapped, his words cutting through the air like a knife. "Just drop it, okay?"
You recoiled slightly at his harsh tone, the sting of his words making you want to slap him across the room. It was clear that he wasn’t in the mood to talk about whatever demons haunted him in the night, and you knew better than to push him when he was like this. But you were feeling inspired.
“Why do you always do that?” You blurted out, frustration bubbling over. You needed some sense of security around him, and every single time you were close to getting it, he backed out.
He stood up straight, rolled his shoulders back, and narrowed his eyes at you “Not doing anything.”
"You always shut me out," You continued, words coming out in a rush as you struggled to articulate your feelings. "Every time. You say a few words, and then bamb, gone. We’re not friends, that’s fine. But I need to know you’re someone I can rely on, okay? You can’t be doing this. One moment you’re all trusting and the other…I don’t even know what the fuck you are. You can say no nicely, you don’t need to act like a dick.”
Rafe's jaw clenched, his expression turning steely as he locked onto your gaze, "I don’t want to be your fucking friend, Maybank," he retorted, his tone laced with irritation. "I'm protecting myself. And if you can't handle that, then maybe you're the one who needs to reevaluate things."
The words stung like a slap to the face. Resentment flared within you; the color drained from your face.
"Protecting yourself?" you shot back, your voice rising with each word. "From what, exactly? Me?"
He didn’t move, didn’t so much as toss a glance your way as he responded, “Keep your voice down.”
You shook your head, standing up from your seat. He'd said the same exact thing before you got on the boat and you were tired of being pushed aside like a toy.
“No, I fucking won’t. You’re the one who punched me on that ship, your guards were the ones who shot me, your father is the one who wants me dead,” your lips quirked in a small, humorless smile, “And you want to talk about protecting yourself?”
Rafe felt himself flinch, noting how his brows seemed to furrow ever-so-slightly. There was a feeling in your stomach that you couldn’t make out yet, but it was heavy and made you antsy.
"You think I don't know that?" he growled, his voice low and dangerous. "You think I don't carry that guilt with me every single day?"
His words caught you off guard, the raw emotion in his voice sending a shiver down your spine.
Rafe ran a hand through his hair, frustration etched into every line of his face. "You have no idea what it's like. To carry that weight, to know that everything you touch turns to shit.” His voice was probing, his eyes scanning your face with a scrutiny that made you want to run out the door. “And you—Shit, you’re just searching for some confirmation that I am as horrible as everyone’s made me out to be. Newsflash, I am."
You let out a groan, the sound scraping against your throat. "I’m trying to help you! Are you stupid? Oh my god.”
"I don't need your help!" he snapped, standing taller than you, "I don't need anyone's help. I've been doing just fine on my own."
You stepped closer to him, pushing against his chest with your finger, "Fine? Is that what you call it? Living on the run, constantly looking over your shoulder, never knowing who you can trust? That's not fine, Rafe. That's not living."
His hand shot out, gripping your wrist tightly, “I don’t know how to live. I know how to serve, that’s it.” His grip on your wrist tightened as if he was trying to anchor himself, "I just...I can't."
Can't trust you, you think that's what he wants to say.
“Right,” You swallow, finding the carpet of the room suddenly all too interesting, “Good enough to fuck, not to trust.”
His grip loosened slightly, his hand falling away from your wrist as if burned, “I never said that.”
“You don’t have to. Dirty pogue, remember?”
His breathing mirrored your own, both erratic, leaning in closer, breath hot against your skin as his nose brushed against yours, “You think I’d risk my life for you if I believed that?”
“I don’t know. Would you?”
“You have no idea," he breathed, “Do you?”
"I don't understand you."
"Neither do I."
Without another word, he closed the distance between you in a single fluid motion, his movements graceful yet filled with an underlying urgency. His hands found their way to your face, fingers tangling in your hair as he deepened the kiss. His touch wavered between tenderness and roughness, with soft, gentle kisses blending seamlessly with fervent, desperate ones, as if he was unable to choose between cherishing the moment and giving in to his desires completely. You melted into him, your body responding instinctively to his touch. It felt different from the first time you kissed. Less violent, less primal, more…intimate. It was as if he was trying to convey everything he couldn't put into words, everything he had been keeping bottled up inside, and you welcomed it.
He pulled back slightly, his forehead resting against yours.
“You can’t kiss me to avoid questions, Rafe.”
"I know," he murmured, "It's just easier than talking."
You sighed, your hand coming up to cup his cheek, your thumb brushing lightly against his stubbled jawline, "It's wrong."
He closed his eyes, his breath hitching slightly at your words. For a moment, you thought he might pull away again, and retreat into his shell. But then, to your surprise, he leaned in closer, his lips brushing against yours in a feather-light kiss.
"I know," he murmured against your lips, his voice rough with emotion. "But for now, can we just...be?"
You nodded, "Yeah," you whispered, "For now, we can just...be."
Neither of you knew what you were doing nor the consequences to come.
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you#rafe x pogue!reader#rafe x Maybank!reader#rafe cameron x maybank!reader#rafe cameron angst#rafe angst#rafe fic#rafe x reader#rafe cameron fluff
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Candlelit
“Heeeey, Baby! Welcome home - was it a long day - bad shift?? Hey, Hey, Let’s just keep the lights low - and romantic - see - I’ve lit a couple candles... isn’t it nice?” Eddie was being weird when you got home. “Made you dinner...” He sang.
You flipped the light switch on and saw his face.
“Fuck! Eddie! ‘Let’s just keep the lights low??? Really???” You went to get the first aid kit.
“I didn’t want you to worry!”
Eddie winced as you applied antiseptic to his eyebrow.
“You didn’t want me to get mad,” You accused and got out a butterfly bandage and removed the wrapper.
“I also did not want you to get mad,” He admitted “...because I have plans for you tonight.” He smirked at you. Licked his upper lip in that way that made your knees wobbly.
“For me or With me?? No - no-aah Eddie....Don’t flirt to distract me, what happened??”
“Okay, but don’t be mad?”
“Did someone punch you? Did you get in a fight??”
“No. no fights, I promise.”
“Then what happened?”
“It’s not a big deal, don't be mad.”
“I won’t get mad if you tell me the truth sometime in the next 2.5 seconds.”
“Hmmm…” Eddie seemed skeptical that you would stay calm. “... so Gareth said that I was not good at crowd-surfing - which you know is a goddamned lie - and...”
“You crowdsurfed... at your show?? At Coffin’s Show??”
“We had a bigger crowd than usual and the vibe was right.” Eddie looked sheepish.
“You just wanted a bunch of strangers hands all over you.” You laughed. “Did people grab your ass?”
“Someone absolutely grabbed my junk - I was face down, you see. Babe, I’m not stupid. I wanted to be able to see where I was going.”
“You were going to the floor, apparently.”
“Not for a loooong time. I was flying for a looooong time! I’m talking Iggy Pop with Peanut Butter level antics here!”
You kissed just under the black eye. Eddie winced again but grinned.
“It's a good thing you are so pretty.” you joked, but really it was.
“I have to do something to spice things up when you can’t come to my shows.” He looked down.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” You were.
“I missed you.” Eddie buried his face into your neck, leaving kisses that got progressively less soft and sweet as he moved lower. “I got you your favorite pie...”
“You are my favorite pie. Next show, you stay on the stage where you belong and I’ll come and throw my thong underwear at you, deal?”
“Deal.” He chuckled.
#eddie munson#stranger things#my fanfiction#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fluff#cw injury#rockstar eddie munson
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obscurial!aunt!Reader and Bellatrix becoming an official couple after the war ends when they shared a heated moment right before the Battle of Hogwarts started though everyone but aunt!Reader knew Bellatrix was desperately in love with her beforehand and she just didn’t pick it up because she couldn’t imagine anyone who would want to be with an obscurial
and Bellatrix takes a lot of initiative in the relationship to the others surprise because she knows her darling is insecure.
yeah, she’s unhinged as fuck, but you guys know what?
she’s technically considered a war hero, has retained a respectable job for the last seven (eight?) years teaching defence against the dark arts at Hogwarts since Harry started first year you know she’s forcing him to go back and redo his missed seventh year if he even missed it int the first place and she’s very obviously affectionate and obsessed with her obscurial darling. they eat every meal together. she’s been seen several times giving her flowers collected from the forbidden forest and sometimes just sitting quietly in the library as they grade assignments.
so imagine one of the professors asking the reader if she’s got any spring holiday plans since Harry, Ron and Hermione are staying behind since it’s their final year and they just want to chill and enjoy a peaceful year together and she just casually mentions Bellatrix booked the two of them a cruise ship through TerrorTours that will sail them through the Bermuda Triangle so they could have a romantic getaway now that all the war business is done and the professor is just like “what the fuck?” and Harry has a mini heart attack while Hermione is already trying to look up the travel agencies fucking fatality rates
just to fuck with them Bellatrix mentions that the travel agency offers life insurance apart of the travel package so if they died it’s okay cause Harry would get like a half a million galleons if they both died 😂 poor Harry calls them every day to make sure they’re okay and the following summer they take Harry, Ron and Hermione on a camping trip along the Zombie Trail before they start pursuing career just cause Bellatrix want to prove the dangerous vacations are fun.
it becomes a little tradition among the girlfriends to have a bit of good ole, adrenaline pumping fun two or three times a year
I just love the idea of yan!Bellatrix never giving yan!Harry any peace when it comes to his beloved aunt!Reader. Like, he of course knows that Bellatrix adores his aunt and worships the ground she walks on, she’s proven that enough by now, but the poor boy can’t help the sudden panic attacks that nearly take him out whenever she makes plans for the Reader and her outside of him being incorporated. He’s happy his aunt is happy and being loved but he still feels the need to be overprotective, to the max.
I do like the thought of Harry and Hermione especially having such anxiety for the Reader during their holiday cruise that they drag Ron along and sneak aboard to keep an eye on the Reader. They all know Bellatrix would never let anything happen to the Reader but they just gotta be sure, y’know. What if the Reader falls overboard?! What if someone tries to kidnap the Reader?? What if, Merlin forbid, the Reader and Bellatrix don’t come back home and want to have fresh start away from all of them??!?!???
Also, the thought of yan!Bellatrix just being an absolute romantic for the Reader in her own dark way. Like, it’s not completely dark but she of course has to put her own little twist on things.
#anxious answers#yandere bellatrix lestrange#yandere harry potter#yandere harry potter concept#yandere concept
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The stupid closet (1)
Hello everyone! I have been working on this Mattheo Riddle story since August and am so excited to finally share this with you all. This story is my baby and is so special to me and will be multiple chapters so buckle up and get ready for some steamy romance and drama ;)
I will be releasing (hopefully) every week on Sunday but we'll see how it works out and how you guys like this!
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“Fuck you Riddle” You flip off Mattheo as you sit down quickly next to Draco at dinner. You had been at school for almost a week already and he was as insufferable as ever.
You both knew how to push each other’s buttons and it was so fun…sometimes. So much teasing and bickering had happened throughout the years between you two and it was finally your last year at Hogwarts.
Mattheo sits down across the table from you, his jaw clenching.
“What’re you wearing to the party tonight?” Pansy asks, taking a seat on the other side of Draco.
“Oh it’s a dress I bought over the summer” You smile gently, popping a grape in your mouth. Theo looked across the table and smirked just a little. You guys had been friends with benefits for the past year but had never put any other labels on it.
Only one person knew about this secret relationship…Mattheo. He had accidentally walked in on you and Theo one time and ever since then he loved teasing you about it.
“I’m sure Theo will love it” Mattheo retorts before Theo knocks him over the head.
“Shut the fuck up” Theo adds. Mattheo looks up smirking. He looks right at you with those big doe brown eyes. The fact that they were attached to him made them not so appealing though.
After a few moments, you break eye contact, looking down at the food in front of you. For some reason, eye contact with Mattheo always lingered longer than it should.
“Well I don’t know about anyone else but I plan on getting fucked up tonight” Pansy mentions. Since it was the first weekend after classes, Slytherin was throwing a house party. Last weekend was the entire school, this week it was just your house. These parties were honestly way more fun.
“Me too,” you reply. You and Theo hadn’t hooked up since when he visited over the summer holiday. Not that it should bother you but you wondered why he hadn’t wanted to since. You guys had gone at it like bunny rabbits last semester and now? It felt like he was avoiding you.
Dinner went on as normal, Draco bickering with everyone around him (even you, his closest friend) and Pansy was handsy with him the whole time while talking about beginning of the year gossip…typical.
You walk back to the Slytherin house with the group, separating ways to go back to your shared dorm with Pansy.
You both start getting ready, doing makeup first. While you opted for a light, subtle look, Pansy opted for a more full-face look. She was fully convinced that Draco was going to make his move on her after all of these years. While you knew it wasn’t going to happen, you didn’t want to break her spirit.
You slip on a short silk slip black dress, pulling your hair up in a messy, high ponytail and strapping on simple black heels. A simple look but it made you feel so good about yourself. You were going to hook up with Theo tonight.
You hear a knock at the door so you open it, only to see Blaise, “Hey uh the group is gonna mingle for a bit and then break off in Theo and Mattheo’s dorm for some games”
“Oh…ok. Thanks Blaise.” You smile, shutting the door behind you. There goes your plan to hook up with Theo, there was no way it was going to happen if the whole group was together.
Slightly annoyed, you leave your dorm first, Pansy following suit a few minutes later. You instantly head for the liquor table taking a shot. You were determined to figure out a way to sleep with Theo regardless.
“This one is actually kinda boring” You hear Draco behind you.
“It is…” You say pouring another shot, “Has Pansy found you yet?”
“Instantly but I told her she had lipstick on her teeth so she went back to fix it” Draco smiles.
“And did she?”
“Of course not.” You both laugh. As much as you loved Pansy, Draco was your best friend. You had spent every summer together since you were both 6 years old. Your parents were very close with each other, the next generation also bonding. Of course when Theo visited over the summer, he had to lie and say it was to see both of you. You had the feeling Draco knew but neither of you had ever brought it up.
Mattheo walks up behind you, grabbing a liquor bottle around you, “This party is lame as fuck, wanna split now?”
“Yes.” Theo chimes in, walking up as you turn around to reply to Mattheo.
“Oh looks like lover boy can’t wait to get his hands on you” Mattheo whispers just loud enough for you to hear. You stare up at him, before nudging him in the arm as you walk away. It was always those little comments that made you want to kill Mattheo.
Theo and Draco find Pansy, Blaise, and Daphne before heading up to the boys’ dorm. While this group always bickered, they were your family and you loved them as such. You did however still have the hope that you and Theo would be able to break off alone at some point.
You all sit in a circle, setting an empty bottle in the middle. Spin the bottle, how cute.
“Ok we’re playing spin the bottle but whoever it lands on, is spending seven minutes in heaven with the spinner. Got it?” Blaise asks. The entire time he explained the rules, you stared daggers at Mattheo, him looking at you again with those big doe eyes, acting completely innocent and unaware.
“This is so juvenile” You speak up as you roll your eyes.
“Well then, it’s your turn first” Draco smirks.
You smirk back sarcastically, annoyed before spinning the bottle. The bottle spins for a good few seconds. You were desperately hoping it would stop at Theo as it slowed down but the bottle ended facing directly at Mattheo.
“Absolutely not.” You say. You were not about to go into a closet with Mattheo Riddle for seven minutes.
“Rules are rules, time to pucker up” Blaise says. Everyone in the circle whoops and hollers as you both stand up and start walking into the closet.
“I hate all of you” You say, flipping them the middle finger as Mattheo closes the closet door behind him.
The closet was small, causing you two to be touching. It was dark, only the light coming from the bottom of the door seeping in.
“I don’t know what they expect” Mattheo scuffs.
“I do but it’s never going to happen.” You look up to him, your faces only inches apart.
“No, never.” He shook his head ever so slightly. You were so close to him you could smell the combination of liquor and cigarettes on his breath. You actually didn’t mind it as much as you thought you would.
You stared into each other's eyes for a moment before you blurted out, “I mean…it won’t mean anything right?” Your noses are practically touching by now. The sexual tension lingering in this small space was suffocating.
“Right.” Mattheo breathes out. You two finally connect lips. The kiss was slow and passionate. Mattheo set one of his hands on your waist, the other on the back of your head.
You break away just for a moment, “It’s just for the game” You mutter out between kisses. The make out session was heating up, both of you grabbing for different parts of each other. It was like you both wanted more. You both needed more.
Just as you're about to jump up and wrap your legs around his waist, the door is opened. The two of you back away from each other, you instantly looking out to see Theo watching. Mattheo walks out of the closet and straight out of the door, leaving the dorm without saying a word. You look over to Pansy who had opened the door and was currently standing there, eyes bugged out of her head.
“Holy shit” Draco blurts out. Everyone in the room was shocked, nobody in the group butted heads more than you and Mattheo.
“I have to go…” You mutter. You walk to the door, Theo following you out to the hallway.
Theo grabs your arm, stopping you in your tracks, “Are you ok?”
“I’m fine. I just need some fresh air.” You say. You could not believe that Theo caught you kissing someone else, let alone Mattheo Riddle. Theo furrows his eyebrows, “Seriously, I’m fine Theo. I’ll be back in a bit, ok?” You say more genuinely than the first time.
“Ok just…we’ll talk about it later yeah?”
“Sure.”
You walk back to your dorm, changing into Draco’s sweatshirt and your own flannel shorts before opening the window and sitting in the window sill.
God you’re so stupid! Mattheo? Really?
Your mind was racing. You only did it for the game, right? You had to.
But then why did you still feel his kiss on your lips and why did you not mind it? There had to be an explanation. Mattheo was not who you wanted. You wanted Theo…right?
#mattheoxreader#mattheo riddle#hogwarts fanfiction#slytherin#frenemies to lovers#mattheo#harry potter
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More siren reader x vox pls I loved ur other siren fic!
⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ : siren!reader x vox
𝜗𝜚 : SMUT, 18+, porn, fingering, cuckold technically, valentino mention, valentino manipulation, literal filth ngl, reader is dating vox, reader is vox’s assistant, porn without plot to an extent, reader refers to vox as daddy out of sex mostly teasing, reader is kind of a brat, vox has a sir kink . . . that’s all i need to say, orgasm denial
You Can Fuck Harder
you weren’t sure how you kept getting yourself into these predicaments. but here you were. dressed in blue and red matching lingerie ( although it pretty much being torn apart at this point ) handcuffed to a bed.
although usually when things like this happened it was just you and vox, sometimes you being handcuffed while he fucked you against his desk or you being handcuffed to his bed.
only difference here is that you had multiple cameras aimed at you and vox wasn’t the one fucking you currently. you honestly forgot who even was, being too lost in your thoughts and giving out a couple fake moans here and there for the camera.
valentino had asked you and vox to shoot a porn scene for him which you agreed to but vox declined. although valentino being the little snake he is, told you that vox agreed to let you do the scene with someone else.
you soon found that to be false as you saw vox sitting next to valentino, eye twitching and screen buffering. vox wasn’t one to share and he especially wasn’t planning on sharing you with another man.
although you had fun being a bitch to vox which is when you had the brilliant idea as the sinner behind you’s thrusts began to falter. “fuck! cum in my mouth please!” you fake whined, sticking your tongue out at him.
the sinner immediately pulled out pushing you onto your knees before shoving his tip into your mouth so the camera could see him finish. once he did, you turned towards a camera making direct eye contact at the one you knew vox was currently watching before sticking your tongue out to show the camera the sinner’s cum in your mouth before swallowing.
“cut! bonita, that was amazing!” valentino praised while having someone uncuff you. “i know.” you rolled your eyes before walking over to vox and sitting on his lap. “hi daddy.” you smirked but he just rolled his eyes at you
“i’m not in the mood for you trying to be all innocent.” he said looking away from you. all you did was pout at him. before looking towards the temporary dressing room valentino had given you. “talk in private?”
he sighed before nodding, you both getting up and walking into the dressing room. you immediately took a seat on the bed, vox stayed standing.
“to my defense i was told you agreed to have me do a scene with someone else.” he just sighed “why in my right mind would i agree to that?” all you did was smirk “‘cause we both know those stupid sinners can’t fuck me like my daddy can, i mean come on he couldn’t even make me cum.” during your sentence you had started to spread your legs, your torn up panties hiding very little from vox.
“so you have me watch you get fucked by someone else and now you want me to fuck you? fuck no!” his eye practically twitched at the idea. you just shrugged before reaching a hand down and starting to circle your clit “fine! i’m gonna cum with or without your help. just thought you’d wanna cum inside me. but, i guess it’s fine since you know you can’t fuck me as well as that guy did.” you fake yawned causing vox to be way more than annoyed
vox immediately had his hand around your throat, squeezing tight but not enough where you weren’t safe “you think i don’t know what makes you tick? believe me i know you weren’t really moaning and whining over that dude barely even going all the way inside of you.” you just smiled up at him and that’s when vox realized. all you wanted was for him to pound into you.
he sighed before taking his hand off your neck and taking his pants off as quick as possible, you immediately moved onto your knees, putting your hands on top of the headboard of your bed. once having his pants off vox kneeled behind you on the bed.
vox inserted one of his fingers into you, you immediately letting out a whine. “you know for such a brat it doesn’t take much for you to become my little slut again.” you just rolled your eyes “fuck me already please!” you practically whined out causing vox to chuckle before pulling his finger out and inserting his dick inside of you
you always needed adjustment when fucking vox, no matter how many times you fucked your body never got used to his length, although vox wasn’t complaining as you were always ‘tight as fuck’ as he usually told you.
although this time vox didn’t give you your usual time to adjust, he just immediately started pounding into you, which surprised you causing your upper body to fall down into the mattress, a couple of loud moans immediately falling out of your mouth
“sir! fuckfuckfuck!!!!” although you and vox did some . . . kinky shit together he never was rough with you. sure choking you here and there but never enough to where it hurt but in a good way. even when you guys fucked he never went as fast as he was now. especially in your current position. which was the position where vox would usually pick your upper body up and have you lay against his chest as he softly fucked into you, a more intimate position than anything.
but not right now, vox was seething, how dare you try and tell him someone fucked you better than him? the whole reason you became his assistant was because you wanted to fuck him, which was something you drunk confessed to him one night after the two of you fucked. one of the few things he remembers from that night minus the two of you going to that bar.
“fuck vox! sir! i’m close! please please!” vox thought about it for a second “just wait, cum with me.” you nodded, vox’s pace increasing which surprised you. after a couple more thrusts he came inside you, immediately pulling out before you could cum too
“maybe should’ve thought about that before being a brat.” he smirked at you, you flipped your body over before smirking back at him “oh c’mon sir, we both know you want a taste.” you put your legs on his shoulders “we know you can fuck harder but can you eat me out better too?”
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel smut#vox x reader#hazbin hotel valentino#hazbin hotel valentino x reader#valentino x reader#vox smut
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Pelvic Floor Health for Detrans Women and All AFAB People
A disclaimer before we start: I am not a doctor, a PT, or an expert of any kind, I just noticed there was a lack of information about pelvic floor health in the detrans (and trans) communities and I wanted to compile the information that I’ve gained. If there are any issues or you have any wisdom to share, please DM me! I plan to add to this post and edit it over time as I learn more.
95% of females who have been on testosterone report pelvic health issues, which can include urinary leakage or retention, bladder pain, difficulty emptying the bladder, general pelvic pain, pain with sex, vaginal dryness, vaginal atrophy, vaginismus, anal issues, and more. (Source)
If you’ve experienced any of these problems, you’re not alone, and there are things you can do!
Vaginal Atrophy
The vast majority of detransitioning women (and females who are transitioning) have vaginal atrophy, which is a thinning and weakening of the tissues that line the vaginal wall. Atrophy can lead to pain during sex, or with regular movement, bleeding due to small tears in the vaginal lining, narrowing of the vaginal canal, urinary issues, and more.
Because testosterone affects our ovaries, we can think of this issue as something similar to GSM (Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause). Many of our symptoms mirror what happens to women as they age and their estrogen production decreases.
Treatments for Atrophy
1. Vaginal estrogen comes in the form of creams, suppositories, and insertable rings.
2. Vitamin E suppositories have been found to be as effective as vaginal estrogen in some studies. (Source)
3. Regular sexual activity can help by filling the vaginal wall tissues with blood, which can help to revitalize those tissues.
There are also many options for dryness, including vaginal moisturizers, aloe, coconut oil, and more. Sometimes the simplest natural options can be the most effective! Always talk to your gynecologist and do your own research on products you’re considering buying and make sure the ingredients are safe. Some people may experience yeast infections and other issues when using certain products.
Vaginal atrophy itself is to blame in many cases for the urinary symptoms that many of us report, and treating the atrophy may be all that’s needed in order to improve the urinary symptoms.
In other cases, we also need to look at overall pelvic floor health. I would argue that taking care of your pelvic floor is essential for any woman at any stage of life, since it can help with so many things!
Pelvic Floor Muscle Issues
Pelvic floor health issues can be divided into 2 types - Hypotonicity and Hypertonicity. Both types can lead to bladder issues, among other things.
Hypotonicity is the classic type many women experience after having children or during menopause. It’s also described as having a weak pelvic floor, and kegels are often the best treatment. The YouTube playlist at the end of this post includes videos for beginner and advanced kegel exercise methods and yoga.
Hypertonicity is the opposite type, where the pelvic muscles are chronically tight. For this, the treatment is to use muscle release methods to relax the pelvic floor. Remember - Relaxed muscles are the best at doing their job.
You wouldn’t think at first that Hypertonicity could lead to urinary symptoms like leakage, but when your muscles are overly tight, they just don’t work the way they should.
And when you have a urinary issue, or you’re dealing with the aftermath of childbirth, surgery, or any other medical trauma to the pelvic floor, there can be a tendency to reflexively tighten your muscles all the time, for fear of what might happen if you don’t. Some people with hypertonicity also experience their symptoms getting worse if they do a lot of kegel exercise. In these situations, kegels can become counterintuitive.
That said, using methods to address both types can be the best option for some people. As long as you listen to your body, keep track of how each method makes you feel, and talk with a doctor or pelvic floor PT if you have serious concerns or don’t understand how to do something, you should be able to figure out something that will help!
Vaginismus is also a very common condition that’s connected to hypertonicity and potential mental causes. You’ll know you have Vaginismus if you’ve always had trouble inserting things into your vagina, or if your partner has had trouble with it. Many women describe it as a sensation of the vagina closing up when faced with something trying to get in. You may find that at certain times or with certain objects, you have no problem, and at other times or with other objects, you do. Stretches and massages for hypertonicity can often help with Vaginismus.
Prolapse is a relatively common issue in women who have had kids and older women in menopause. This can also cause urinary symptoms. The incidence of pelvic floor prolapse in females on testosterone is not known, but due to atrophy weakening the walls of the vagina, it’s possible that testosterone will increase your risk. It’s also more common in people who have had a hysterectomy.
Tools
1. Vaginal dilators can be helpful for people who have trouble with Vaginismus or feel like their vagina is small. These are also helpful for people who have difficulty inserting fingers
2. A pelvic wand can help you to massage the internal muscles, if needed
3. Vibrators can be helpful for releasing tight muscles
4. Kegel trainers come in various types and can help you perform kegels more effectively if you know that your issue is hypotoniticy
5. Pessaries can help in cases where atrophy has led to pelvic floor prolapse. Make sure you get diagnosed before using one!
6. Your hands! Don’t underestimate the power of using your hands for external or internal massage
The biggest thing to take away from this post is this - Don’t be afraid of your vagina! Don’t be afraid to try things that may help you improve whatever issues you’re having.
Your vagina is a normal part of your body, and especially when you’re experiencing issues, that’s when it’s time to get to know it inside and out. If you’re anything like me, you’ve gone your whole life being too afraid to do certain things or explore your vagina in certain ways. We need to reduce the fear, stigma, and awkwardness of vaginal and pelvic floor issues, and the first step is to get to know your body. 💪
Exercises
I’ve put together a playlist of YouTube videos that have helped me in this process, which I will continue to add to. I hope they help you too!
And again, please DM me with any information you think is helpful or stories about what worked for you.
And if you’re a medical professional, I would love for you to review this post and suggest edits or additions.
Please share this with all your friends! My intention is for this to be a community resource we can use to spread awareness✌🏼
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At the sight of the fierce determination in Aziraphale’s eyes, Crowley gasped. “No. Nononono no, you are not going to go up there and file a formal complaint, that is too dangerous-”
“It’s fine, my dear. After all, one has to take a stand sometimes for what is right, should the situation warrant it. Make a choice to take the initiative, even if it’s dangerous,” Aziraphale said, straightening his coat and his vest, his bowtie.
“No, absolutely not. Do not do this, Aziraphale. Angel, last time you made a fuss about the state of the world, they retrained you so thoroughly that you forgot my name. That was during the fall of the Roman Empire and it took you centuries to remember that we were friends.”
“It won’t happen this time. I know what to do. I have a plan. I shall go directly to the Almighty and file a complaint with her personally,” Aziraphale said confidently. “After all, this is inhumane; how could someone murder their own children or the children of other people?”
“This is humans we’re talking about, Aziraphale! They’re capable of anything! Anything. And right when you think you understand that, they surprise you with something else that’s even worse. Just...just wait, all right? Please. Please don’t do this. Put some thought into it first before going Upstairs, make some kind of strategy, have a plan going in; a better, more reasonable plan-”
“I can’t wait. The longer I wait, the more people will die. They’re already dying. You know that I can’t let that happen.”
“I’m begging you, Aziraphale. Please just let this be. Give it a day. A few hours. We’ll work it all out-”
“I can’t, Crowley. I have to do something for these people. Even if it costs me everything.”
“Aziraphale, no!”
“Don’t worry,” Aziraphale headed for the door of the flat, glancing back at Crowley with a little hint of a reassuring smile. “I’m sure it won’t get to that point. I’ll see you back on the ship soon, and then we’ll have a proper late breakfast and I’ll tell you all about it. We’ll be in New York in a few days and oh, I have just the club I want to take you to, I think you’ll like it. It's called Minton’s Playhouse in Harlem, and we’ll go have dinner and drinks and listen to the music and see the dancers and it will be ever so lovely. Just let me do this one thing very, very quickly, and I’ll be back as soon as possible.”
“Aziraphale, please…”
“Sorry my dear, I really can’t hear you from here, I’m out the door already.”
The door closed with a finality that felt like the ending of the world, a clunk that could be heard through the flat, and then realizing he could walk Aziraphale out, Crowley sprang up onto his feet, chasing after the angel.
There was a large window on the second floor landing and it was open. A cool wind blew, with the scent of cold mountain air or perhaps it was the pure fire that burned off of bright fiery stars but the scent dissipated almost immediately, even as Crowley took a deeper breath to catch more of it in his nose, upon his lips and tongue.
But Aziraphale was already gone.
x
#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#good omens fanfiction#good omens fanfic#aziraphale x crowley#mistakes were made
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HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL — RIO [Summer Prompts]
A/N: I was debating between making this Rio or Manny based and usually I like to alternate but for this prompt it felt more Rio like 😂 so hopefully for my October prompts if I write for Mayans again I’ll probably write for Manny. Anyways! Hope you guys get a kick out of this as much as I did writing it.
WARNINGS: language & things actually got a little 🌶️ towards the end which isn’t normally my thing but I guess I got inspired 😈 Enjoy!
SYNOPSIS: Rio’s so productive he hardly gets a day where he can get enough rest in…what happens when you disrupt that over something so irrational? He swears he loves you but he’s also not putting up with your shit.
PROMPT IS FROM HERE & I’m using: "what's the point of the blanket being on the couch if it can't be used?" "it's for show!" "oh for the love of god-"
<- check out my previous summer anthology writings here.
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Rio preferred it cold.
It just made sense for the weather to be cold or cool rather than as hot as Diablo’s breath. He wasn’t made for hot weather and he couldn’t get away with his dark attire in the hotter months either. That’s where you two deferred, you loved the heat over the cold any day so as soon as the first day of summer hit…you seemed to glow more even when it wasn't golden hour.
You were outside way before the official day of summer hit because the warm weather was actually sticking around in Detroit and usually Rio was down for whatever, in fact he already booked a trip to Grenada in August (which his skin would probably regret as soon as y’all touched down in the West Indies), but for this particular outing felt like a waste of a time. A older Australian couple that the two of you became acquainted with when the two of you picked up the sport of pickleball—Rio still liked tennis better—invited you two to celebrate their furbaby’s (a Chinese Crested) birthday.
Thats right a whole ass birthday party for a dog who was now widowed, you two attended the wedding just last year and the Chinese Crested, Harlowe was still dealing with the loss of their loved one so the couple thought a party would uplift his spirits. It was ridiculous what rich people got up to but you liked to entertain it sometimes.
For Rio? It was all about networking considering that the wife of the pair was a retired attorney and her husband owned a billionaire company. You knew it wasn’t really a genuine friendship (more so out of convenience) they were the couple you mainly chatted with just to past the time when you all appeared at the same events. So the both of you didn’t appear that disappointed when the husband called Rio up just fifteen minutes before the both of you were getting ready to leave telling you that they, “regretfully want to inform that their beloved Harlowe was not up for a party and rather a intimate gathering with just his parents.”
“Do you think they’re still having something but much smaller and we got uninvited?” You asked, already stepping out of your heels when Rio came back into the bedroom to tell you the news.
Rio lifted his shoulders, “we’ll find out if they did but I didn’t want to go no way.”
“I know you didn’t,” you laugh as you spin around motioning for Rio to help you out of your dress, thanks to a old shoulder injury that had you attending PT from time to time.
He pauses with his fingertips brushing against the nape of your neck, “whatchu getting undressed for? You don’t want to find other plans for tonight?”
This wasn’t shocking, usually when plans got dropped the both of you always found something else to get into. It was rare for either of you to just take cancelled plans for what they were since the both of you stayed busy as a couple and separately.
“Nope…we can stay in. We’re hitting the gym in the morning anyway right?”
“I did say that didn’t I?” Rio sighed while you laughed to yourself, knowing he would prefer doing his own workout at the park or even in the backyard of your contemporary colonial—when you were with him—rather than at the gym.
He already had to put a few people in check for looking at you too long or even turning a friendly conversation into flirtations. Of course you loved Rio letting his protectiveness come out but you drew the line at him causing a few to lose their jobs when it was never that serious (to you). In this economy?! He even tried to persuade you into another gym—which was about an hour AND thirty minutes away from home but you liked the set up of your current gym and already made a few friends there as well.
Which is why he was putting in that work to get ownership over the building these past few months (which went from professional to lethal) but that was a need to know basis for you.
“Uh huh,” you nodded holding the front of the now slumped cowl silk aqua dress, “I know you can’t hang with me, so I’ll let it slide and you can enjoy your PTO.”
“Thank you for your permission, mama.” Rio rolled his eyes playfully, which then proceeded to follow you as you disappeared into the closet by the bedroom door.
Rio leans against the doorway just watching you as you shoved into some loungewear.
“I think I washed these on the wrong setting, ain’t no way these shrunk after only having them for a month.” You stated, pulling at the ends of your plaid boxer shorts with a huff.
Rio hummed, tugging his bottom lip into his mouth while he viewed the length of your legs in those shorts, “nah…that ass is growing and it’s giving me and those shorts something more to eat.”
Throwing your head back with a shake of your head you sharply exhale through your nostrils in warning, “behave.”
“It’s kinda hard to when you look like that.” He licked his lips, tempted to pounce.
“Please, I’ll put you to sleep as soon as you get up in it.” You tease as you step to cradle your husband’s face, “get some rest first honey and then we’ll talk.”
Patting his cheek, you went to squeeze by him but Rio caught your wrist to gain your attention once more. Peering up at him, Rio let his eyelashes flutter as he took his time analyzing the shape of you which was part of the many reasons he loved you, “you’re lucky I could use a few hours.”
You just smile at the heaviness in his raspy tone, leaning forward to press a kiss right to his plump and always moisturized lips. “I’ll be downstairs deciding on bourbon chicken or honey pineapple salmon for dinner.”
Rio kept a straight face as he fought back a yawn but still nodded his head at your retreating form. It felt like as soon as you told him to take his rest, his body was underneath your spell and normally he liked having that effect on you more so but he’ll fight you on it later.
What he hoped you didnt fight him on was taking a spot right on the couch to get these much needed hours in. He couldn’t exactly hide it as the kitchen and living room were basically side by side in an open floor plan but once you got on the phone with your girlfriends…that Kiking was unstoppable and lengthy. Moments later it only took you placing the fillets into the oven, sides done and covered to keep warm, with you getting off the phone and finally glancing to your right to notice the lanky frame of your husband snoring on the sofa. His limbs were always too long for the couch in the living room, which is why majority of the time he spent time on the 2-piece sectional downstairs.
Thankfully Rio wasn’t much of a snorer but sometimes when that sleep really hit? It came out and you knew he needed it. Rio was always sitting on ready regardless of his laidback but cardinial personality but you knew his profession as a, “businessman,” was anything but sweet—unless it came to counting the bag that is. You didn’t get much into his business, always being the one to turn the other cheek until necessary.
The both of you shared words a few times at the start of your relationship when you became serious and found out that Rio had people (before Mick) following you. You were an artist with a successful art gallery, which contained half of your artwork along with other local artists, new and young, and you even had some imported from all over the world. Rio tried it with the import portion of your gallery once before but you shut that shit down and the both of you didn’t speak for at least a week—almost two until the gym became his second focus—after making things right with you. Take that how you will. At the beginning you didn’t appreciate being followed and figuring out that Christopher had something to do with it after pulling out your own piece—something you hated to do but you knew how to handle your own business—Rio tried to persuade you later on that it gave him comfort knowing that his men can keep a eye on you when he can’t.
Some may have felt like that was a red flag (half of your girlfriend’s being the “some,” but one of them always had something negative to say about anything you had going on…which is why you weren’t friends at this point in time) but with a love so immense? And a career like Rio’s? You grew to accept it as a source of another security blanket since you didn’t like to get your hands dirty. Having that kind of power where someone could do that for you? Was indescribable. Sure Rio’s methods of getting to the money may require things you didn’t really agree with, you kept your own business clean just how you wanted but the way you felt about Rio was not something that could just vanish. You knew what his business entailed but you didn’t need to see the grit of it.
So maybe you did get off just a little at your man having that kind of pull on these streets.
Somebody should sue oh wait…they tried that and were part of a missing person’s report but that case was closed back in January.
You leaned against the white marble countertops, another small smile playing on your lips as it was your turn to watch your lightly snoring of a husband on the couch. He didn’t even get the chance to turn the tv on to fall asleep to, another opposite of your relationship, he needed some noise while you preferred it quiet and no light. His ankles hung off the sofa, one hand crossed over his chest as he held onto his shoulder in slumber. It wasn’t until you noticed the bright colored fiesta floral blanket pulled up and slanted underneath his chin that had you entering the living space.
You almost stopped your actions as you stared down at him in peace. You hated him watching you sleep and here you were doing the same but that didn’t last long as you shifted the spatula in your hand.
SLAP!
The stinging Rio felt against his forehead jolted him awake. His lengthy lashes popped open, making him sit up some as he tried to figure out what and who just assaulted him. He blinked a couple of times, trying to focus his vision before he shifted his view to you and that teal silicone spatula.
A furrow appeared seconds later, hand going from his shoulder to rub at the spot in between his thick brows. “What’s goin’ on?”
His voice is groggy and you almost felt bad for slapping the mess out of him. Yet he should be thankful that you didn’t slap the eagle tattoo right off the skin of his throat. The blood rushed to that spot on the center of his forehead but him rubbing at it only made it worse.
“I can ask you the same thing, why are you cuddled up with that blanket?” You motioned to the item with the cooking utensil.
Rio licked his lips, glancing down at the peach, orange, yellow, green, and navy blue blanket. He clears his throat, “Whatchu mean? I’m sleeping and the air’s on.”
Not Mr. Cool needing a blanket when he’s the one who loved having the house set on: icebox where his heart used to be, Omarion needs to slide glide and collect his boy real talk.
“Whose fault is that? I told you it didn’t need to be lower than seventy.”
Rio side eyed you a bit and proceeded to close his eyes again, ready to check out but you kicked at the cushion he laid against. Which made him sit up on his elbows, pinching the space in between his brows, “what’s good wit you? You think that makes sense to have the thermostat set on seventy when it’s damn near ninety out that front door?”
“Yes. It’s all about comfort.”
“That’s what I’m tryin’ to do with this blanket, thank you.” He went to plop back down, ready to pull the fallen object back over his shoulders.
You snatch it right off his body, “this blanket isn’t for you to get your drool on.”
“I don’t drool and wait a minute…did you hit me with that? A used spatula? You’re about to mess up my skincare and that’s feelin’ a little disrespectful to me.”
You scoff as you proceed to fold the blanket how you previously had it tossed along the couch, “No it wasn’t used! You know me better than that and I know you take pride in self care. I wouldn’t do you like that but it’s clear you’re disrespecting me by using this blanket that abuela gave to me.”
Rio felt his eye twitch as he exhaled his rising nerves, “…what's the point of the blanket being on the couch if it can't be used?”
“It’s for show!” You exasperated as you finished brushing over the fur of the oversized blanket.
Rio snorted, “oh for the love of almighty!”
You huffed with your hands on your hips, pulling your attention away from the blanket that was back to the way it was, “What?”
“Be real with me.” Rio jabbed a thumb at the direction of the blanket, “you want me to believe that you’re being this extra over a blanket my abuela got you from fucking Marshall’s?”
You tilted your head to the side, “oh no you didn’t, not you being uppity Mr. Serena & Lily.”
“I didn’t even mean it like that.”
“Now you’re disrespecting Abuela!” You pointed at him accusing, “Just wait until she hears about this!”
“Nah you’re not telling her nothing!” Rio latched onto the waistband of your shorts, yanking you right on the couch as you squealed feeling the air hit your lower back.
You elbowed him as you collapsed right on his lap, “are you trying to get me to moon you? What’s wrong with you?!”
He shushed you with a smirk, “Thanks for confirming just what I needed to hear…” his hands slip down your sides and towards your bare hips beneath the fabric, squeezing the sides of your ass.
“No, we have beef now you pervert.” Your attempt to get off his lap was not working for you, at all.
His lips are at the space beneath your earlobe and the way he’s sucking on the skin is definitely leaving some tingles all over your body. Rio chuckles as he feels you shudder in his lap, “what beef? I think we should talk it out, don’t you?”
He moves one hand from the side of your ass to travel up the valley in between your breasts, grabbing a hand full of the one on the left and his right. Your breathing is picking up now as Rio settles you both back against the couch and it isn’t until you feel the plush of the blanket against your shoulder that you come back to your senses.
You pull yourself from Rio’s hold, snatching the spatula back to aim right at him in defense, “that wasn’t talking.”
“Well I disagree and thought it was until you rudely interrupted me.” Rio briefly rests his elbows against his knees as he sizes you up while you cautiously step back towards the kitchen, “you clearly don’t want me getting in that overtime of sleep anymore so I guess I’m well rested enough to spend quality time with my wife.”
Rio has his eyes set only on you and he can visibly see you gulp at the distance you put between you. That feeds his ego enough, he sniffs as he pushes himself to his feet, stalking over you to pluck the spatula out of your hand and to slide it against the counters towards the deep sink. Rio towers over you, using his fingertips to grip your jaw firm enough to get your sight back on him. Quickly he latches onto your thighs, lifting you against the counter and making space for himself right in between.
His forehead is pressed against yours breathing you in as he yanks you right to the edge of the counter, his hands caressing the warmth of your upper thighs, “you care about that damn blanket so much, I want your eyes to stay only on it while I sample my appetizer, you got that?”
A finger ran over your clothed center and you pushed your moan back down your vocal cords. The both of you were famous for your poker faces but eventually one of you would take it off of the other.
Your heart was pounding against your chest along with the adrenaline also running wild at the way Rio was looking at you, seeking to devour you while biting down on his bottom lip as he fought to keep his eyes on you and not on the increased rise and fall of your chest.
His hand snakes up to your throat, squeezing just enough to let you know what time it was, “I said, do you got that?”
You sucked your teeth, “I heard you—
You started just for Rio to push you by the throat with the swiftness against the counter, other hand flying behind your head just in time to protect the back of it while your thighs instantly latched around his hips in alert.
He laughs a bit, “yeah I knew you’d like that shit,” as he lets go of your throat after turning your head to face the living room, right where your blanket sat then using both of his hands to nudge your thighs apart so he can leave you bare from your shorts.
Curiosity got the best of you as you tried to take a peek to see what your husband was up to. Usually he was the light sleeper but you didn’t miss the sound of the pop of his lips, making you turn your head to see two damp digits.
“What did I say?”
Quickly shutting your eyes, you shielded them with a free hand trying to fight back a smile and still holding your “innocence,” as you waited to open your eyes again.
“Wait!” You called out, just knowing what was to come, “…check the timer for the salmon.”
Rio barely let the annoyance hit as he gazed over his shoulder to the clock on the stove, “ten minutes left. That’s all I need for right now…desserts a different story.”
And with that being said you let his touch be felt in the most pleasing of ways, folding at the way Rio knew just what to do to set you right.
Sitting in the dining room, since you refused to sit at the island—which Rio found humorous and promised he would clean—you can’t be eating at everybody’s house y’all—the both of you sat face to face with you on the bench and Rio in the navy chair across from you.
He chewed on his last piece of fillet, hand underneath his chin as he stared at you slouched over a bit. His long limbs tapped against you underneath the table, watching you flinch as you pushed your shoulders back, which added to more of Rio’s amusement.
“What’s the matter?” He questioned, his dark eyes can’t help but to falter down to your white tank top, “you look cold and might need a blanket? There’s one not far from us actually.”
You scowled while he laughed grinning at you, “you’re such a dick!”
“And you took it so well.”
A gasp fell from your lips while you tossed a folding napkin right towards Rio’s smug face, who snatched it before it could touch him. Leaving him to mockingly kiss his lips at you, “it’s all love.”
“We’ll see.” You chewed back a smirk but Rio can read you just by looking into your eyes.
Rio raised his brows, “That a challenge? I can guarantee you we can make it happen.”
Rio loves leaving you a crying mess and talking you down from your high. His drive was hardly ever low but he thought it was respectable for the both of you to get some nutrients in before the full rounds started.
You held up a finger, grabbing your glass to chug the rest of the water, making Rio rest his cheek into the knuckles of his hand with a glint in his eyes.
“Okay,” you exhale, “but it’s my time to set it off.”
Rio nodded his head ready for whatever you had in mind although he’s envisioning reverse cowgirl, “cool, no complaints on my end.”
“I bet,” you raise a foot to caress his lap, “Can help you back to sleep in some blankets that are actually meant for sleeping with.”
Rio groaned for two separate reasons of course, reaching one hand down to grip your ankle, “lead the way, mama.”
“Not until you do the dishes and clean the counter. I know how much you hate going to bed with a dirty kitchen and we ain’t got shit to do so…get to it. I’ll be waiting.” It was your turn for some small payback as you hopped up from the bench, a glare crossing Rio’s features.
You laughed as you gripped his shoulders, leaning down to press your lips against his. The both of you tilted your heads just right as your lips battled against each other soon before you slipped your tongue against Rio’s. It was getting nasty again and he was ready to pull you right in his lap and let you do your thing right there but you pulled back with a bit of saliva between your lips.
“Hurry up, I’ll be ready to take my own nap myself soon.” You wink at him before you quickly pulled yourself from his grasp.
Rio swallowed his own breathing down, hands rubbing at his wet lips first and then the tension in his jaw all while feeling the twitch below again. Looking at the dishes and feeling the pull towards you was another battle within itself. Usually he wasn’t the clean up crew, he had people for that professionally and personally and as he started cleaning one dish he checked his own pocket to book a cleaning service for the morning. However he did take his time cleaning down the island, he wasn’t that cruel.
And who needed the gym anyway when you had his heart pumping enough?
He didn’t have to cancel that too.
Rio always ran shit.
The gym was just as much as his now as you are.
Just how he liked it.
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Continue with my summer anthology prompts here.
#Spotify#queued#good girls nbc#good girls rio#good girls Rio x reader#rio x reader#rio x black!reader#manny montana#summer prompts#summer writings
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Guess who finished writing the last chapter of Tainted City >:]
#it’s me I did#still gotta do some editing and have my partner beta read before I can post the last two chapters but#I did it I wrote way too much just dance fanfiction#what comes next? you’ll see#I do have plans but sometimes plans don’t happen#I hope I can still write the sequel after this but I’m about to graduate college so I have no idea what my life’s gonna look like next month#I also have some cirque du soleil fics I wanna write at the same time#yes cirque du soleil#I’m getting way off topic here#point is look out I’ve got two more chapters in the bank headed your way#and wish me luck
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the return of my dedede wedding headcanon
he likes to keep it lighthearted and sweet; most of why people like having him officiate is because of his charisma. he’s great at handling whatever situation and usually good at ad libbing. and he genuinely loves doing it because well. it’s a party and it’s about people caring for each other, what’s not to love?
(tbh he probably tries to hide how much he cries at weddings but he just really likes love lol)
also! dreamland culture is kinda complicated, being made up of so many species from all over and who knows where, so there are a lot of different wedding traditions and no one way to do it
anyway, silly art
i just really felt like drawing something soft
#i wasnt planning on having something for wednesday this week but it just so happens to be today so#happy cringe day wednesday#i dont think dedede would start doing weddings until prolly sometime after tfl#being such a crucial point in his arc and all#and he probably changed some of his responsibilities around then too#all my metadede stuff is late timeline i know i just have a very particular timeline in my head about Kirby character arcs and whatnot#they really are my comfort ship at this point tho huh#kirbyposting#my art or something#meta knight#king dedede#metadede#headcanons#quinn does comics#kind of a low quality and unpolished post but I don’t care I had fun drawing#also a few of these ideas were sitting in my notes for months lol
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“white mourning.”
#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’#jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice#judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice.#she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry#he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as#he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back.#he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb.#planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco#you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen#his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but#jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control#i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation.#but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse.#i relate to jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late#my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone.#kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon#disco elysium#de fanart#jean vicquemare#disco elysium fanart#jean heron vicquemare#jean posting#illustration#de#artists on tumblr#my art#I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!!#i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings#my little maiu maiu
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While the main event in terms of crossovers next week will be The No Way Home of Marisha PC’s, let’s stop and consider another possibility.
Autistic Ginger Bisexual to Autistic Ginger Bisexual communication.
#critical role#c3e50#cr spoilers#Critical Role Campaign 3#keyleth#caleb widogast#obviously the actual main event is you know… the party#and like wtf is up with Imogen#is Orym and Fearne’s plan gonna have to be enacted#I hope not!#but also if they do that’s spicy!#but yeah M9 and VM stuff are less important than Bell’s Hell’s and I hope audiences keep that in mind when the exact interaction they want#doesn’t happen#this is all just fan service#not the meat and potatoes#but fuck if fan service don’t work on me sometimes#unless it’s Star Wars#well it’s okay if Rian Johnson or Tony Gilroy doesn’t#this is get super off topic from CR isn’t#watch Andor it’s good!
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her
#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging#out with people but for it to be so fucking consistent is exhausting for ME#we don’t even fucking make plans that often it’s literally maybe once a fucking month if that#like you’re telling me somehow whenever we have plans that’s when you’re SOOOOOO exhausted ?????? but you left the house 39203 other times#to do shit that takes up way more mental capacity than sitting bat your house smoking weed for a while and catching up?????#i just don’t fucking get it dude i really don’t#if i make plans with someone and the day of i don’t want to anymore i always tell them right fucking away so they don’t spend all day waitin#around and planning their entire day around it just to get fucked over#idk i’m just frustrated and probably need to eat something and i’ll be less angry#i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day#we planned to hang out like i just think it’s unfair to me and i Have expressed this in general before so it’s like ok cool#thanks for taking my own feelings and time into consideration 🙄🙄😐#like i literally love and adore my friends more than life itself and it just hurts and is shitty when someone doesn’t act the same even tho#they’ve said the opposite idk#i genuinely hope i don’t sound like a dick right now bc i truly really understand when ppl are mentally exhausted or deal with chronic issue#issues* bc fucking SAME HERE I ALSO DEAL WITH ALL RHAT so it’s like idk i just don’t wanna sound like a dick i am just upset i’m not feeling#like i’m loved the same as i love people idk this always happens to me i feel like i just love too much and i over project and then when i#don’t get the same things in return i feel like people actually don’t like me or secretly are tryin to separate from me idk it’s shitty i#hate it so bad i want a normal brain this shitnfucking sucks#my brain is going too hard now tho i need to stop before i spiral for real right here right now on tumblr dot com
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mom is bitching at me how i need to wear short sleeves TOMORROW, and just get over it
#‘you NEED to wear them tomorrow’ or what.#youre gonna take my phone away? im just AnXioUs and need to get the fuck over it?#woman youre lucky i dont fucking take my car and leave. youre lucky i don’t disappear without a trace.#‘we love you and dont care and dont judge!’ i understand that. i do.#but sometimes that just doesnt matter. you can say that to me all you want and ill always have a voice saying otherwise!#i cant just get over this hump. i dont know how to explain it to you but i just cant. its not that simple.#i cant just.. get up and get moving like you want me to. i dont know how to tell you that im absolutely fucking exhausted.#‘youve been taking a break for 6 weeks now’ and? i worked my ASS OFF. FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS STRAIGHT. I DESERVE A BREAK!#IVE EARNED A GODDAMN BREAK. IVE EARNED A FUCKING SUMMER OFF. THIS IS MY FIRST SUMMER OFF IN 5 GODDAMN YEARS WOMAN#i dont care if you think im being lazy. im sorry i dont work the same fucking way you do! but thats a you issue!#‘you need to get your life together’ WELL I DONT WANT TO! I DONT WANT TO RIGHT NOW! I WANNA BE A STUPID COUCH BUM!#i basically just learned that EVERYTHING. I WORKED FOR! IS USELESS! i pushed myself to the edge a constant amount of times over the past 5-#years for NOTHING. because i am incapable of doing anything without someone telling me to or holding my hand.#how do you expect me to know what to do with my fucking life when the life i thought i always had was just shattered?#ive trailed off my planned path! i didnt plan for this! i never thought it could happen! i thought id be PERFECT!#imagine being told your entire life how smart and capable you are only to fail right as someone isnt holding your hand anymore.#just#whatever man. if i dont wanna wear short sleeves i wont. if i dont wanna go outside i wont.#i didnt want to interact with the world anyways. especially after finding out that i dont fit in whatsoever.
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Someone remind me not to mention creative writing as one of my hobbies in the academic interview I have on Monday, because if those people ask what I’m currently working on I cannot answer them
#why not you ask? because it’s fucking m/m omegaverse#look. sometimes you read something that was so promising yet so bad and you start thinking ‘if I’D written this i’d have done [x]’#and then you realise you have characters that can be omegaversed extremely easily. they’re already werewolves for god’s sake#and you only have to mess with your setting a tiny bit to make it happen. and then you get into concepts like heat#and uhhhh anatomical changes. iykyk. and you’re like.. this is something i’m interested in interrogating actually#and before you know it you’ve created a brand new scrivener file called abo because you don’t have a title yet#but you DO have many pages of notes#what you don’t have is a plot but you have a half baked idea to use a random vengeful alpha and his crappy demon boyfriend as plot devices#you also plan to; if all else fails; give your main omega a gun and just see what happens#it’s going to be fun to write if nothing else. it’s probably just going to be 50000 words of michael being a bitch#but i need that anyway. for my health#well if you need me i’m going to go do my physio exercises. because i have to#personal
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