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#I didnt even expect that myself LMAO
kuzoowl · 3 months
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The devil gang 🦈 csm school au!
this is a redraw of this drawing I did a while back :D
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koskela-knights · 4 months
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😳⛓
art ref 18+
Companion piece to Ilmo
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the-2nd-random-kid · 1 year
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So i heard that the orv movie is real
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sapphic-luthor · 1 year
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How did you realize your bisexuality was actually comphet?
mostly time, i think. i also at one point just started identifying to people as a lesbian before i was 100% sure and even though it felt a little bit wrong, because i just figured if i leaned into it for a while and it still felt really wrong then i could say ah actually i was wrong everybody, i’m bi! and no real harm done. but eventually it did start feeling like the more correct label for myself, and i realised that the “attraction” i had to men was very much more about enjoying the chase and the complicated dance of the heterosexual dating dynamics; i was essentially just toying with men and i found that fun and the attention was validating, but i never took anything emotionally seriously at all because it was all kind of just a game.
ultimately when i got a little older and realised that maybe i did want a solid, valid intellectual and emotional connection with somebody, i just literally could not imagine in any capacity that a man could be what i needed. like even now i just cannot fathom any world in which i can lay in bed at 3am and talk about the intricacies of what it feels like to be me with a man that i know just isn’t really going to get it— i would always feel there was some unbreachable gap between us and i’d never feel like it was quite enough for the romantic connection i demand with partners.
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jrcarchived · 1 year
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I think i was gonna quit my job anyway regardless of the issue with my pay. That job sucked the life out of me i hated it so much.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao#a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head#sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so#i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet#at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me#location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take#measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring#at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which#was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im#just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for#and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do#something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move#like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which#would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data#processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for#vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to#without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding?#idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and#that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it?#anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so#when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok#but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we#just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece#pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked#hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done#unrelated
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apathyfairy · 1 year
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my whole life ive been thinking im an old soul bc everyone would tell me i was bc i was “serious” and quiet and shy as a kid and riddled with social anxiety so i was like ok. i must be then. and now im realizing im not lmao like honestly as stupid as it sounds i think that was putting pressure on me to know how to live my life and what to do all the time but now im like oh im new no wonder im afraid of absolutely everything and i cant function and everything disappoints me it’s bc i dont know whats going on. im new in town. and im incorporating that into my belief system now
#yeah im going insane clearly but anyways#in friends when joey is like what was my past life and phoebe was like oh sweetie youre brand new like lmao me#but did anyone else get called serious as a kid and did anyone else take it as an insult like i did like.#i hated absolutely nothing more than people being like oh youre so serious and quiet like i am but also i dont want to be here talking#to you so i have nothing to say. like sorry i wasnt saying every thought i had out loud like every other kid so that made me 'mature'#for my age like honestly that fucked my life up more than anything else was being called mature for my age. it put way too much pressure on#me and i didnt even get to be a kid because everyone expected me to be older than i always was and now that im#so old and approaching death it's just all regret man i have nothing but regret for how ive lived my life#and im so old and i have absolutely nothing figured out i just dont know what the fuck to do#i just didnt think things would be this fucked up or id still be this lost at this point in my life and its disgusting im disgusting#everything is just so fucked up and i hate it like absolutely nothing is right in my life right now i am truly at rock bottom#like i genuinely cannot imagine ever being at a lower point than im at right now and no that's not inspiring like 'oh it cant get any worse'#'if youre at your lowest point it can only get better :)' no thats not how it works#it can get worse i just cant possibly imagine how and nothing is ever going to get better bc i dont know how to get myself out of this#literally im spongebob in rockbottom but the bus is literally never coming like the bus station shut down that's where im at
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mwagneto · 2 years
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my parents came home:-(
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the-kipsabian · 2 years
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ive been here twenty minutes and everything already sucks woo
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kuiinncedes · 1 year
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i need to test my fucking code lmfao 🤡
#imagine not just coding blindly and then submitting to see what happens like im about to do sdjnfbfdhhskjfbjdkhgdf#trying to set my expectations low even tho for some reason im hopeful that it's gonna work#but like bro u didnt test shit u have no idea lol#ksjnfwhbowdfogbqogbieruhqeigrhiwngoqrf FUCK it's 3:30 since when TT lmaooooooo#i told myself i woouldnt go to sleep until i finished this function section and here we are#it's not that late like i 've been going to sleep around this time lmfao#but i havent gotten ready for bed yet so it will probably be around 4:30-5 then#i was gonna wash my hair today........ dont thinkthats gonna happen XD#i think im procrastinating submitting lmfao#there's DEFINITELY something i missed#im just gonna be so so so sad if i dont pass any test cases for the shit i just implemented#i hope i hope i hope lmfao#🤡🤡🤡🤡 and like that probably means i should probably TEST IT TO SEE#but no#🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 i've been snacking on fucking salami bites LMFAO health <3 salt and fat <3#RIP i rly didnt pass any test cases for the functions i just implemented LMAO ugh it's fine i just gotta test TT#wait i passed a few more tests for another thing ........ did i even change that from lst time i submitted lol ok#damn now i wanna try to debug but maybe i shoud sleep first TT#fucknjdbgfhbjdbfgjlsdblkfd i'm not . screeewwwwwweeeeedddddd i'm just . not not screwed TT#i at least have code written for almost all the functions and shit tho#it's not CORRECT CODE but it's CODE#anfghbwbgqirepupqiuhgbwjhfkbdfkhsfljghljdfkfasdf and i have a couple late days i can probably use dnghdjbfdbfbgerpqehir okokokokokkokkokok#am slightly nervous bc of show tmr and stats hw due thursday TT#jndsfjhgjfhjblsjdfblsjfhdbgqorbgpqiuerhtqepurthqornfjfddljfl ok shut the fuck up go to sleep or sm ;-;#jk not that i can even rly get ready for bed rn i think my roommate in the bathroom lmfao#screaming <3#jeanne talks
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i listend to midnights and i will never be the same
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jaechan01 · 2 years
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🥹🏆
#im speechless i was talking myself down like ok we might not win rn but it's realistic that we will at some point bc we got so close#last time. i was fully expecting to cry my eyes out but im just sitting here all dazed lmao waiting for it to hit#like. all idols work hard#but man. dongkiz/dkz did not have it easy at any point. since their debut theyve been fighting to stay afloat#to the point of considering quitting altogether#and it was NEVER due to them being inferior in any way. they have some of the BEST dancers and vocalists of this gen theres no argument#i cant imagine how difficult it's been especially with the rebranding#sick and injured members. the feeling of just. not being enough and not being able to do your job properly#it broke my heart when jaechan described how the end of -21 felt for him...#i... feel so lucky i get to somehow be a part of this honestly 😭🫂💌#i know im being dramatic but also im not like this is such a huge moment for any group that's been struggling#to have their talent realised#god they all worked so hard 🥺.. i keep thinking of jong becoming the leader with how young he is and what an incredible job hes doing#i keep thinking about jaechan falling asleep on the semantic error set like 😭.. having no energy for kkumiya but pushing through#like that's nothing to glamorise this isnt to say like 'see what you can achieve with hard work' but the reality of it is that they had to#because their circumstances are so different to how it is for bigger companies#and to anyone and everyone who talked shit about SE or jaechan or the idol-bl pipeline. you were wrong. so.#semantic error for sure gave both jaechan and dkz visibility that's been crucial. but anyone who even for a second thinks#that dkz didnt do this as a GROUP can suck it tbh . none of them couldve done this by themselves.#im so thankful for yoon for taking care of them all. im so thankful for jonghyeong for being such an amazing leader#im so thankful for mingyu for choosing dongyo out of all companies and to all the new members#and to jaechan for doing what he wants. for being unapologetic and not caring what others think#to munik and wondae for being such an integral part of their sound for a long time and giving us amazing performances that still#bring in new fans.. ❤️#ok i'll calm down now#CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!
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soupyspaghetti · 2 years
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venting again lmao disregard
#vent#personal#im not totally sure what to tw or cw for here so lmk if u think i should add any#but also ofc no one is obligated or expected to read this in the first place fldskafjl#anyway i just like am losing my shit actually over literally nothing#i just feel constantly like somehow im both being too selfish and burdensome and making everything about me#and then also that im literally not even a real person bc of how much i erase all my own thoughts and wants and desires for other people#like somehow at the same time i feel like a selfish bitch and like i dont exist outside of other peoples wants and desires at all#like i know im a bad and selfish person so i cant be selfless or kind#but also i try so hard to do things for other people and i still feel like im not doing enough#but also i keep having so many breakdowns every day from overextending myself and stuff like that#i just want to be better like i want to be the kind of person thats not impossible to love#like at this point all i am is loneliness and emptiness#but also the kind of love i need and crave is something i just cannot have without people expecting things of me that im not capable of#i think i thought that the true love that movies and shows are about didnt really exist and was an exaggeration#but now ppl around me are experiencing that and im realizing that im just not able to feel the things other people are#like all i can really feel is empty and unloved no matter what and im just so tired#im so fucking tired of existing like this but connor still needs me for rent so ig i have to keep doing it lmao#sorry this is all so silly and dramatic i just spend every fucking night crying over this shit and im so tired of it#and i dont want people to feel bad for being in love and for being happy im just jealous and bitter and angry i think#i am tired of being jealous and bitter and angry i just want to not be this person anymore#and i want to know what the fuck is wrong with me thats making me like this in the first place#anyway sorry for the pathetic dramatics im done now lkadfsdh#i mean im never really done i can whine about this shit forever but im done throwing it at other ppl for now lsadkfhslkd#sorry for all this kdlfajsdkl
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buggachat · 10 months
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To be clear, I goddamn hated the finale on first watch. I was withering in my seat. My heart had dropped to my stomach. I had no fucking idea what I was watching in that final scene lmao
and then Adrien said "when Ladybug gave me the rings—" and I was like— wait. LADYBUG? LADYBUG STILL EXISTS?
I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIMELINE HAD BEEN REWRITTEN 😭😭😭😭 I THOUGHT LADYBUG AND CHATN OIR DIDNT UFCKING EXIST uNTIL ADRIEN SAID THAT I WAS SO SO SO SCARED
and then I realized, oh wait. This isn't a complete utopian timeline rewrite. This is just a timeskip of a few months and Mme Bustier is just a kickass mayor. In fact, she's only mayor BECAUSE it's still the same timeline. And then I realized, hey, wait, if they didn't rewrite the timeline, then how tf is Emilie casually there with no questions?
And then I realized she was wearing black. And Félix was there. And I remembered Amelie exists.
Basically, I went into the finale chanting to myself "it's okay, it's okay... they probably wont bring Emilie back... they probably won't rewrite the entire timeline permanently.... right? please....", even though I didn't actually expect it to happen, but just because I was terrified that it could. And apparently that fear actually got to me so much that I misinterpreted the episode as being everything I didn't want it to be... when... it actually wasn't that at all
anyway, all of this is to say, everything in the episode happens so fast that it confused and terrified me at first. And when I realized what had happened, my opinion went from "my year is ruined" to "oh. well. okay. kind of disappointing, I guess". And then I kept thinking about it, and the ending, and all that is set up and rewatching the scenes and all the loose ends still in place and.... i realized I loved it?
like, every time I think about this finale, I love it more. every time i rewatch a scene, I get a little obsessed. this episode went from my nightmare to actually really really cool to me, and I'm still kind of reeling from it
Basically, this is why I've been kind of passionately defending the finale— not because I think people who don't like it are """dumb""" or anything, I don't blame people at all for that, and I totally get the confusion. I was confused too. And I know I'm not the only one who went in preparing themselves for the worst, or went in with very specific expectation on what will happen, because this finale has been long awaited for so long. I think everyone was shocked with how it ended. I think most people probably startled at Amelie's face (it's so easy to forget she exists....)
Anyways, I started this post basically as an apology for if I seem too aggressive or defensive about the finale. Because I get it! I get hating it! I get being disappointed or frustrated or confused! Part of why I'm so defensive is because I have all the arguments so ready on the tip of my tongue because I had the very same argument with myself already 😭 So I'm sorry if any of my posts came off as too aggressive and in advance for any future posts that might. I promise promise promise I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for having bad opinions on the finale! I just think this episode is really cool and the fact I related to a lot of the nay-sayers makes it easy to feel so impassioned about it.
But this post is getting off the rails and I'm just gonna let it, because some of my regrets w my participation in fandom is that I find myself chickening out of actually talking about my thoughts on episodes a lot. I get kind of overwhelmed and overthink everything after I've posted it and I'm a shy person. But my inbox is closed and this is the season 5 finale and I want to ramble and ramble so I will allow myself this
Basically, I went in with some very specific expectations for this episode. We all know about the Hawkmoth defeat story. Many of us have read it in fics over and over again, it was teased in Chat Blanc, we all know what we expect, we all know our favorite beats from it.
And what actually happened....... met virtually none of those beats. (For me, at least).
Like, Adrien wasn't there for the final episode. At all. He was completely absent from the confrontation. He never found out his father was Hawkmoth. He got his rings, but he never found out he was a sentimonster. He is living in the dark.
Ladybug confronted Monarch... alone. Which is sad, when so much of the series is dedicated to the partnership of her and Chat Noir. Them against the world....... and Monarch was "defeated" with nary a Chat Noir in sight.
The whole entire "Gabriel is known as a hero" thing. I don't think anybody was expecting that. Absolutely shocking.
The fact Marinette would lie to Adrien like that. The fact she's keeping so much from him. The fact everyone is. SO MANY people in Adrien's life (Marinette, Plagg, Nathalie, Felix, Amelie, Kagami, probably Alya, maybe more I'm not thinking of....) are just... lying to him, now. He is so in the dark. He knows nothing.
But.........
I kind of like that I didn't predict nearly any of this. I like that it caught me off guard. I love how this show just completely baffles me at every turn, how it will present concepts and ideas to me that I've never read a fic about.
In retrospect, Chat Noir being absent from the final battle... makes sense. It actually makes a lot of sense, if I think about it, because... there is only one possible way that could've gone, right? Chat Noir would not be allowed to have the emotional implosion that he would have to have. This is devastating. This is SO devastating. This is the entire shattering of Adrien's entire world we're talking about, and Chat Blanc is the only real way for that to end. Adrien has an emotional implosion in front of Monarch, he gets akumatized, it turns into an emotion explosion, extinction event. The end. We've already seen it.
And........ even if it didn't end that way, even if he managed to avoid akumatization...... how could the finale satisfyingly end on that note? How could it end in any semblance of a "wrapped up" way, at the very start of Adrien's emotional breakdown? It couldn't. I wouldn't WANT it to. In retrospect, Adrien finding out his dad is Monarch and then.... what? The season ends on a close-up of him crying? The season ends with a time-skip to the new school year where they skipped his entire grieving period!? I would HATE that, actually. I would hate that. I thought I wanted it, but I would hate it. I would hate it so so so much.
What's kind of amazing is that the finale ended with Monarch being defeated.... but Adrien still has those realizations to make. He still has those betrayals to come to terms with. There is time for him to make these realizations, for him to come to these conclusions, perhaps one at a time, perhaps in a more controlled environment.... and that gets me far, far more excited for the seasons to come than an episode that tried to wrap it all up in the last 5 minutes.
Also, the reason Adrien didn't go to the final battle was because he feared becoming Chat Blanc. He didn't know the truth to it, didn't understand that literally, yes, that's what would have happened if he was there, even if he hadn't been under a nightmare curse. But he still knew. He still expected it. He willingly chose to sit it out, no matter how much he hated it, because he knew. And there's something kind of powerful to that, I think, of Adrien making a choice that is so unequivocally the Correct choice, even more than he realized. And the strength it took for him to make that decision...... damn.
As for the lies and the Gabriel statue? I... it's upsetting, but it's supposed to be. And I believe it. I absolutely believe it. I 10000% believe Marinette would keep the secret of Monarch's identity to herself to try to save Adrien the pain. I 10000% believe that the population could easily be led to believe a famous billionaire is a hero. I 10000% believe that Adrien would WANT to believe it. I 10000% believe Tomoe would take advantage of it.
And I can't wait to see that illusion crumble.
Also.... this is the beginning of The Lila arc.
And the Lila arc begins on........ Marinette telling the biggest, boldest face lie she ever told. The Lila arc begins on the most extreme city-wide illusion we've ever seen. It begins on such a huge fabrication and....
..... it's Marinette's lie.
............ and Lila knows that it's a lie.
I'm
!!?!?!?!
This is so fucking cool???? The irony here??? the deceit???? All these loose ends, all the possible confrontations, all the ways this could GO. I don't know where the show is taking this, obviously, because nobody ever can predict where this show is going apparently (and I love it for that), but oh my god. I'm imagining all the fics I could read about this. all the fics I could write. all the thoughts and scenarios that this finale has provided me with to daydream about as I go to sleep.
Adrien, going through the motions of life. Looking up to his father as a hero, despite the fact the last time he saw him, Adrien was sobbing, in tears, and cursing his name. Adrien, after all the abuse he was subject to, having to look up at a statue of his father and...... be forced to think that maybe he was wrong about his father. But he's not wrong. He WASN'T wrong. He just THINKS that he is. His father is going to continue to loom over his life in ways I never expected post-hawkmoth. Adrien's relationship with Gabriel has not ended, a new and terrifying and horrible new chapter of it has simply begun, and Adrien is still as manipulated by his father's ghost as he was by his father himself.
THAT'S. WILD!!!
also, Adrien now believes that MONARCH MURDERED HIS FATHER. Chat Noir now believes that his greatest nemesis KILLED HIS FATHER. CHAT NOIR, resident self-sacrificer, believes that HIS FATHER was a HERO who DIED FIGHTING MONARCH. Adrien thinks that maybe he should be more like his father— more like his father who died in battle. This is. Not Good. For Adrien.
And it's Marinette that started this. Well intentioned Marinette, who doesn't really understand the extent of the horrors. Marinette, Adrien's girlfriend, the person he trusts most. She did this.
And, I mean.... god. I totally get how this sucks for a lot of people, because it's objectively upsetting.... but I LOVE lovesquare tension. Season 4 is probably my favorite season for that reason alone (still mulling over if season 5 beat it for me). I love the relationship drama, I love that it's in character drama, I love how it fits everything we know about them sososo well, I love that it's horrible and it's terrible and it's awful and it's all because Marinette loved Adrien too much to want to hurt him.
I was worried no reveal would mean that season 6 would just be... what? adrienette fluff? not that I don't love that, but where's the drama? well. there it is. that's the drama.
I need to stop typing this. I know this is abysmally long and ranty and if you read all of this then I'm sorry. But I wanted to get some of my thoughts out.
But basically, I was expecting a lot of things for the finale.
In my best case scenario, it would somehow, miraculously tie up and address all the loose ends with Adrien's angst and character arc in two episodes.... and then end with me totally satisfied, ready to only half-heartedly watch season 6 like it was just a small dessert after the main course.
And I already described my worst case scenario (my first impression of the episode lmao)
But it wasn't that. I was expecting a series finale, but I got a season finale. And I love season finales. I love how they keep me wanting more. I love how excited I am for season 6, because in both my best and worst case scenarios, I honestly didn't expect to be. I love all the new ideas and thoughts and scenarios swirling around in my brain. And even if season 6 doesn't address some of the things I want addressed, I'm so excited to see the creative content in this fandom that DOES
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the-moon-files · 2 months
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I love the idea of humans being built different, it's even more fun when you get to unintentionally traumatized the other people :3
Sorry for late reply! I didnt realize i had mail 🥺💌
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No fr, one of my fav tropes in "humans space orcs" fandom stuff over there, is like what we eat/strength equivalent/resistence to stuff = and the reactions thereof to it lmao
OH JUST HAD A FOUL THOUGHT
What if most things just bounced off of us as humans, bc the gravity in Hyrule is different than ours, i mean it is a diff planet (kinda?)
(This is not how gravity works, more like we could have extreme jumping, but roll with my bs science im an arts kid)
or like if we did get hit, it had nowhere near the impact of how it's hit a hylian, like for example: Guardians.
The guardians get possessed/copied into Dark versions after running around Wild's hyrule enough, and so not only is it 10x harder to beat than usual guardians, as its taking nearly half the chain trying to take it down (rather than like 2 usually)
And even better if ur out of the fight bc they still expect u to not be great at it, like ok ur temperature resistent, but thats not helpful in battle-
U get fucking hit by a Guardian Laser Beam, and everyone freezes, the Links fighting the guardian, the Links fighting the misc monsters, Wild mightve even screamed and came running after you-
And you just kinda, sit. Like someone pushed you while u were off balance, and u flopped on the ground, still sitting up even 💀
And ur chest is hot, but not burned or anything
Yeah, I'd love a universe of Humans ≠ Hylians
Maybe ill make a fic or like a bunch of oneshots abt this with Masc!reader, if anyone is vaguely interested in reading it
Otherwise id write it for myself and not bother posting LMAO
Peace out,
🌙
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