#im not totally sure what to tw or cw for here so lmk if u think i should add any
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venting again lmao disregard
#vent#personal#im not totally sure what to tw or cw for here so lmk if u think i should add any#but also ofc no one is obligated or expected to read this in the first place fldskafjl#anyway i just like am losing my shit actually over literally nothing#i just feel constantly like somehow im both being too selfish and burdensome and making everything about me#and then also that im literally not even a real person bc of how much i erase all my own thoughts and wants and desires for other people#like somehow at the same time i feel like a selfish bitch and like i dont exist outside of other peoples wants and desires at all#like i know im a bad and selfish person so i cant be selfless or kind#but also i try so hard to do things for other people and i still feel like im not doing enough#but also i keep having so many breakdowns every day from overextending myself and stuff like that#i just want to be better like i want to be the kind of person thats not impossible to love#like at this point all i am is loneliness and emptiness#but also the kind of love i need and crave is something i just cannot have without people expecting things of me that im not capable of#i think i thought that the true love that movies and shows are about didnt really exist and was an exaggeration#but now ppl around me are experiencing that and im realizing that im just not able to feel the things other people are#like all i can really feel is empty and unloved no matter what and im just so tired#im so fucking tired of existing like this but connor still needs me for rent so ig i have to keep doing it lmao#sorry this is all so silly and dramatic i just spend every fucking night crying over this shit and im so tired of it#and i dont want people to feel bad for being in love and for being happy im just jealous and bitter and angry i think#i am tired of being jealous and bitter and angry i just want to not be this person anymore#and i want to know what the fuck is wrong with me thats making me like this in the first place#anyway sorry for the pathetic dramatics im done now lkadfsdh#i mean im never really done i can whine about this shit forever but im done throwing it at other ppl for now lsadkfhslkd#sorry for all this kdlfajsdkl
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