Could you do a director's commentary on "Are You In There" from Whumptober?

Heyo, kyanako! I'd be down to! Lemme pull up the fic and I'll be pulling out passages that I remember small details from. So, here we go! Mug's Director Commentary!!

First of all, the title "You in There?" That's basically the Whumptober prompt as its name, but the exact phrase is not used that often in the fic because I didn't feel like Muu would use that exact phrase? At least, she says something else on her birthday, so I decided to just reword the question multiple times.

Ever since the Warden’s second interrogation, she was starting to feel on edge about everything. So, her sleep wasn’t the best. She can probably deal with it eventually, though. It’s not a big deal. She’s going to get forgiven again, anyway. They know it’s not Muu’s fault.

There's no specific time when this beginning scene occurs, but I have a feeling it's a few days after Muu's voting ends. I'd like to think all of the prisoners hear the Voices, so Muu is kind of just actively denying them because she can't be wrong.

”You have to eat, Haruka.” “Aah… I… I guess I do…” “…You have to come out of your room to eat.” “…!! Yes, yes… Um… I can’t do that.”

I wanted Haruka to still lean into what Muu wants because she shows him attention, but then suddenly realize he has to keep his promise first. His promise is the most important thing right now.

...also, it's kinda funny to see the quick switch back and forth.

Mikoto stands in the kitchen area, staring at something. Muu starts slowing down and looking away. Mikoto is a very nice guy, but ever since the end of trial one, he’s gotten a little scary…

I don't actually recall if Muu ever said this, but considering her reaction to Kotoko in trial 1, I kinda think she'd have a similar reaction to Mikoto in Trial 2.

As she turns away from Mikoto, he calls out to Muu one last time. “Hey, tell Haru I hope he’s alright. I’m glad he’s all confident now, but he seems upset now… Or something.” “I will.” ”Thanks.” When Muu makes it back to Haruka’s cell, she can barely hear Haruka inside. “…they forgave me. They forgave me.” “Haruka! I brought you some food.” Muu calls out. “…o-oh! Thank you, Muu.” Something inside Haruka’s cell moves around, probably Haruka before the door slowly opens to half of Haruka’s face.  “Y-you can leave it there…” ”Can we talk in your cell today, then?” “Oh… um… I guess so.” Haruka fully opens his door and Muu finally can talk to someone who listens.

OOOH boy, here's a long one. breaking it down time we ball!!

I feel like, despite pulling away from the group a little out of fear of himself, Mikoto would still notice a few things, especially Haruka changing so much. Plus, I'm pretty sure he's noticed Haruka change even before Trial 2. He's noticed Haruka pulling away, too.

We never actually see Muu tell Haruka that Mikoto hopes he's alright, but I'd like to imagine during their conversation she does. (Not because I forgot that Mikoto had just done that. Definitely not.)

I enjoyed throwing Haruka murmuring that he was forgiven in because I thought it would be nice to include his thoughts on his verdict as well. He cares about Muu's, but he also cares about his because Es affirmed him, right? They said he was good and forgiven. So, why did they take it back? He was right, right? RIGHT??

oops sorry writer mug came in there (that may happen a lot, I like explaining my fics by accidentally writing more in character stuff), anyways.

Once again, going back to Haruka leaning into what Muu wants. He thinks that maybe it's not time just yet, that he has a little longer to think.

“You haven’t left your room in a few days, Haruka… It’s not healthy to be inside all day.”

This sentence implies she's been doing what she was doing in the previous scene every day now. Also kinda funny considering they're inside a prison, but she's telling him that's it's not healthy to be inside all day. I know what I meant inside his room, but STILL!!

Also, side note, i really enjoyed this next passage, so yeah :D!

Yuno sighs. “Fine, then. Even if Haruka clearly wants to be alone, do whatever you want.” “Muu is at least trying to be friends with Haruka. You stopped trying to be friends with anyone after the first trial verdicts were revealed! Can’t you be happy you were forgiven by the Warden?” “Forgiving everyone basically ruined the fun atmosphere here, so I’m upset. The Warden can do whatever they want, but what they’ve done has caused MILGRAM to be entirely bothersome. I don’t want to bother with any of it.” ”Upset? Bothersome? What are you even talking about? Does it even matter if MILGRAM is bothersome? You were forgiven, can’t you relax and enjoy it?”

Yuno's first line is kinda just a reference back to how she has opinions but doesn't act on them that often. She believes that Haruka should be left alone, but if Muu wants to do whatever, then so be it. It's all up to her.

Muu kinda makes a good point here where Yuno pulled away, but it's because of what happened after them. (Which is what Yuno mentions next.) (Also, "forgiving everyone" was an odd term to use here, I think it would've been better to say "Judging everyone," but "Forgiving" works considering how most people acted because they were voted FORGIVEN...

Muu wants to enjoy her... um, past forgiveness, I guess. It's because in that moment, it solidified the fact that she was right. That she was never in the wrong and it could never be her fault, right? So, she's finally able to relax. No one's out there actively trying to hurt her. (Actively look away from Muu's verdict please PLEAS)

“It does matter when people almost died because of MILGRAM! Why are you acting like what happened to Fuuta, Mahiru, and Mikoto never happened? Because it did!” ”What does that have to do with Muu? They deserved it after all.” Yuno stares at Muu. “What the fuck do you mean they deserved—”

OHH I needed this scene emotionally actually JAIODJOWIA I really wanted Muu and Yuno to fight, especially over this because they definitely have differing views on this. Yuno talks to Mahiru, who was severely impacted by Kotoko's attacks. She even mentions in her second voice drama that Kotoko is the type of person to make an assumption and not go beyond that.

On the other hand, Muu mentions that Kotoko's attacks were sorta deserved because Es did not forgive them.

so. woo D:!

”P-please stop f-fighting…!” Haruka squeaks out. Yuno and Muu quickly turn to Haruka standing in front of his cell door. “I-I know it’s my fault for not leaving m-my cell, so… it’s okay… Yuno, um… I’ll walk with Muu. I love walking with her.” “See! It was a good thing Muu didn’t leave Haruka alone!” Muu grins. Yuno stares blankly at the two before shaking her head and walking to her cell. “Oh, and, Muu… Just to let you know…” ”Eh, what does Yuno want?” “The Warden said the forgiveness was temporary.” With a chill going down Muu’s spine, Yuno enters her cell without another word. Glancing at Haruka, they both already realize they knew that.

Looking back at this, I sometimes have like a fifty-fifty opinion on Haruka's lines, but I think they kinda work. (I don't remember if he's ever broken up a fight as well, so this could be a first for him and he doesn't want to mess up. Not after everyone thought he was being so good.) He wants them to stop fighting about him. He appreciates the attention, but he doesn't want to be the source of someone else's torment again. He blames himself because that's all he's ever known.

Also, I really wanted to drop that "Forgiveness is temporary line" because 1) It's coming from Yuno, who believes she can't even be seen as something other than forgiven and 2) it's towards the two prisoners who lost their forgiveness. That line drills in the fact that they weren't forgiven again. And, it's terrifying.

"Haruka?” Muu knocks on the cell door. There is no response.  “I brought you some food.” Muu holds the food up higher as if he would see it through the door. “Are you alive?”  There is no response. She’s… starting to get scared now.  "You haven't grown mold or anything?” Muu tries joking. There is no— Haruka’s cell door slowly opens with Haruka looking at the food and Muu. Haruka looks down. ”.....Oh, thank you very much. Muu, I'm sorry, that ..... I..” Muu shakes her head. ”Don't shut yourself up in that cell forever! You have to eat properly too, you know? I understand if you feel this way though, the recent atmosphere has been feeling bad lately.” "Um, I said it's okay..... I, thought of what I should do, a little.” Haruka mumbles.

You might recognize this! It's because it's Haruka's birthday timeline from a while back!! I really wanted to include it because this fic is very much based around Haruka pulling away to fulfill his promise and Muu checking in every time.

This is when anaphora my beloved comes in and I begin to repeat the phrase "There is no response." more often :D. You could actually see it in the last scene, too!!

“Thought about what you should do…?” Muu blinks before slowly nodding. “…oh, Muu remembers.” “…I’m glad.” He smiles. “…” Muu exhales. “I think that you should… do what you want to do, Haruka.” “E-eh… What does that mean…?” "I'm... worried, that's all." Haruka looks up at Muu, who, even if she still seems confident, has a bit of fear behind her confidence. “Muu, you… you don’t have to worry… I’m just thinking about what to do, for you, right…?” Haruka smiles. “Y…yeah. Okay. Yeah.” Muu exhales before giving him a small smile, which he returns. She hands over some food which he takes with a nod. “Muu hopes she sees Haruka next time she drops off the food.” “…yeah.” Haruka nods. Muu looks around before finally leaving. “What do I do, what do I do, to keep... My promise. For Muu’s sake....”

I believe this is the only time I write in Haruka's POV? I kinda wanted to have a small glimpse into Haruka's side, but not too much considering this is a Muu-POV fic!

Here's also where I branch off from the original timeline but go right back to it. I really wanted for them to have a conversation about Haruka's promise. Although Muu seemed pretty nonchalant about what Haruka's promise was in Queen B, she also believes that friends are people who let you do what you want because they listen to you. She cares for Haruka. If she didn't, she wouldn't have done everything she's done for him. She's worried, and she doesn't want him to go through with it because she can't lose another friend, another person who listened to her because who else would?

“Are you there? Are you alive?” She tries joking. It worked a couple of times before, but this time, no response. Muu swallows; her fear is slowly rising. “You have to come out… It’s… bad for you! And, you have to eat, too!” Muu knocks on the door a little longer this time. She places the dish on the ground as she knocks even more. No response. “Haruka! Please!” Muu screams at the door. “Muu— I miss talking to you. I miss talking to someone. The atmosphere has been feeling so bad lately and… I’m scared— Please. Just— Just come out this one time…! Or, write something to me and slip it under the door! Please!” No response.

Oh, here comes hell (and my friend anaphora!). Alright, so this is when Muu really shows how terrified of losing friends again. Last time that happened, she was left to deal with the bullying of everyone and she can't do that again.

She tries joking because that's what she believes will work first. Then, sorta telling him that he has to come out because it's not healthy because it worked last time.

Then, she loses it because she's terrified. She can't let this happen again.

She even stops using "Muu" (which, although I don't use it often when writing for Muu, it's an intentional switch). She just needs someone.

“Haruka!” Muu places her head against the door and begins banging the door with her hand. “…please, please…!” No response.

This is a reference to her After Pain scene where she's banging from the inside of the hourglass. She's begging. She's back to where she once was and she can't have that; she can't have that.

“I’m begging you. Please— Please just leave your cell! I’m scared. I’m scared. I don’t— I don’t want to lose you. You’re my friend, Haruka. Please don’t leave me—” Muu sobs. No response.

This is basically a repeat of what I said, but Muu is terrified of losing Haruka. She's gotten "better" in her eyes and she can't go back to when she was on the ground, getting kicked around and ignored again. She can't lose someone who listens and cares. She can't lose Haruka because he's her friend. She can't lose someone to something stupid like judgment again.

“Please… Haruka…” Muu begs. “I’m scared. I can’t… I don’t want to lose a friend again…” “…Are… you alive…?” No response.

She's terrified. She can't do this again. (It can't be her fault, right!? It was Rei's fault first. Is it hers? Is Haruka dying her fault? She didn't mean this. She didn't mean anything wrong. She was supposed to be FORGIVEN.)

She's in the same position as when she killed Rei, except it's worse because Haruka cared. He listened. He listened.

And, he's not listening, and he's not responding. Say something! Anything! Muu needs to know he's still alive.

“…you in there…?” Muu quietly asks the door. There is no response.

Muu needs Haruka to be alive, in there, because who else would be there for her?

Anyways.

I mentioned this in the ending notes, but I was intentionally vague with how it ended, so you can interpret what really happened to Haruka. Is it a dream? Is he sleeping in? Did he fulfill his promise?

As a fan standpoint, good God, he has to be sleeping in. As a writer, honestly, let's see where MILGRAM goes.

So, that's my director's commentary! Thank you for reading through this longgg post ahah. Sorry for the moments where I blended commentary with writing, it helps me explain sometimes ;;

If anyone else would like to give some commentary (whether long or short, a whole fic or selected passage), I'd love to do this again ^^!!

okay so i know i mentioned on here before that i have a bunch of dreams when i sleep and how i had that cute one with xiao & mingxiao before right?? 👀

forgot to share it sooner bc life but anyway i had a funny/cute dream with diluc the other day (i'll try to add a read more bc this got a lil long but it doesn't always work on mobile so i'll try & fix it asap if so!) but yeah this kinda turned into a whole fic of its own lol,,

☆ the dream itself is here, under the cut! ☆

basically, to not have to explain all the lore about my oc/self insert and all that again, the tldr of it is that i landed on teyvat similar to traveler but didn't really have anywhere to go so after gaining his trust and becoming close, diluc sort of just takes me in and lets me work at the tavern + lets me stay in a spare room at the winery. so yeah we often walk to/from work together if he's working at angel's share that day, and i guess everyone just assumes we're dating?? ...except for me, that is, who still thought he was in love with jean (bc of the whole stormterror thing).

one night, kaeya's been hanging out in the tavern all night, venti's already left or passed out or smth, and then once things close up, diluc and i get ready to head off, but apparently this is the first time kaeya's seen us head off together/in the same direction, and immediately decides to start teasing. he's all "ooh look at the two lovebirds, you've moved in together already? how'd you ask her out, i didn't know you two were a thing, congrats bro so glad she likes you back" kinda stuff and then i just start laughing and telling him to knock it off, wouldn't want jean to overhear and misunderstand. and they're both just like ......wait what? and i'm all "oh cause diluc likes jean right? i thought the were like an Unspoken Thing yknow??" and both stare at me as if i've grown like 3 heads and started doing a one-(wo)man barber shop quartet. lightbulb goes off in kaeya's head that i don't know jack shit & we're not a thing (yet) and diluc is just thinking like "i can't believe you're literally this oblivious, holy shit". hence kaeya's teasing The Sequel, where he just starts complimenting my uniform and says i look like a cute little maid or whatever and diluc is silently fuming behind me. he mutters something along the lines of "how oblivious can you possibly be?" and all but throws his coat/jacket over me to try and cover me "bc it's cold" (yeah yeah sure, jealous much? haha), then asks me how i never noticed how he felt about me. so i'm there having an earth teyvat-shattering moment of revelation that it WASN'T jean he liked, and that he didn't do all those nice things for me bc i'm friends with her, but because he liked...me????

kaeya smugly walks off with a little "you're welcome", after a his shenanigans, and i'm still trying to process things bc i'd never seen diluc that way, always assuming he'd liked someone else so i never really looked at him that way. we kind of quietly resume our walk back "home" and im clutching his jacket close to me, then we both try to speak at the same time, he tries to ask for my response/reaction and i was trying to ask for some time. he's kind of confused and almost looks hurt, but agrees to give me some time to think, since i explained the whole "not seeing him in that light" and didn't want to answer on a whim. that i didn't want to mistake gratitude for all he's done for me for affection and stuff so he was like hey good point i wouldn't want you to feel like i forced you into this, and no you're not gonna get kicked out/fired if you don't like me back, it's okay. diluc mentions having to be away for 2 weeks cause of a work trip and that i can respond then.

in the meantime, a bunch happened like a trip to liyue with aether & paimon, a whole girls' talk over tea with jean & lisa over the situation, and got my own lil serenitea pot so i potentially had the option of moving out now if i wanted to. i decided to my day off from the tavern to go out on a little adventure, just journey around and test out the teapot home and all that jazz. ran into noelle and we hung out/trained for awhile together and invited her in for for a tea break and stuff, like it was just really cute and fun. but apparently diluc came back a few days early and was freaking out when i was nowhere to be found, no one had any idea where i was, and was just really concerned something might happen to me. then noelle arrives through the gates and overhears him asking lisa stuff and goes all "oh she's over by (idk where i was maybe that bit of land between mond & liyue?) and he thanks her for the info and runs off to find me. he finds the teapot (somehow) on some rock but doesn't see me and i come back out of my lil abode bc someone outside kept saying my name and then i felt the teapot shake (he'd picked it up). cue a dramatic reunion in the rain bc when isn't it pouring and trying to kill me in teyvat in true romcom fashion i guess.

diluc is all "do you have any idea how worried i was about you? all alone out here? any of the abyss mages could have hurt you or taken you away or-" just rambles on and meanwhile im having this sort of Oh You're Back and I Think I'm Feeling Things realization (absence makes the heart grow fonder lol). so there's just this kind of strong, desperate hug moment and everything's quiet, save for the pouring rain and faroff occasional lightning strike. and i whispered something along the lines of "i think i'm in love with you" and his eyes widen before responding smth like "i think i'm in love with you too" with a fond smile, the first genuine huge smile i've ever seen on him (pls picture him like in the manga and not his in game ._. face PLS-🤣). cue another romcom cliche reunion hug + kiss scene in the rain, in which we take shelter from the rain inside the serenitea pot bc of how bad the storm kept getting.

(aether has tubby but i have chummy, kinda looks like the teapot salesman, and i usually just call her chums.) so we're greeted by chums who kind of is like staring daggers at diluc bc i showed up with a guest unannounced, drenched, and we're holding hands. she's overprotective in a very Mom Friend kind of way but she just means well. we change into some baggy share clothes i have and then i scrambled up something to eat (since we can apparently cook & forge in our lil pot i love that so much-) anyway so we decide to get some rest bc it's late and have the Oh No There Was Only One Bed conundrum until we agree to just share and sleep on opposite sides bc nbd right? i turned in my sleep and essentially was hugging his back whilst asleep, and he just turned over at some point and hugged me too, and booooiiii was this fire boy WARM, he felt like a personal heater and after all that rain, i slept like a log. diluc woke up before me cause he's used to an earlier schedule and slips out quietly to speak to chummy, asking if she knew where the supplies were cause he wanted to surprise me with breakfast (and man can he cook! goodbye kfc, hello good hunter). chummy is still kind of not vibing with him, until he apologizes for "intruding" and explains everything that's happened, to which chums kind of softens up and realizes he's sweet and just wants to do something nice, not go around raiding the house. woke up alone and went to look for the source of the smell, and kinda just clung to him, making diluc blush. don't remember too much more after the cooking thing though besides going for a stroll around my teapot layout, meeting all the pets that chill there, and kinda just having a relaxing day off together. the winery staff was probably freaking out wondering where we were, but we were just kinda in our own world (literally?), enjoying the peace before returning to all the chaos that is teyvat. cutest damn dream ❤

Roundup of all the things I’ve translated within the last month

Those who have been following me for a while might know that the last month saw me be very unusually prolific with translation (especially Digimon-related ones), to unprecedented extents. I'll be very honest about the fact that it's because of the current quarantine, which has left me with not a lot to do and a sense of boredom that translation somehow happens to satiate a bit ^^;; That said, the very large number of translations I'd been posting has caused things to get a bit buried, and has made things easily missable, so I've decided to make a bit of a roundup post summarizing everything I've done in the last month.

Of course, there's probably still more to come in the near future -- I have two books (the Digimon Official Super Encyclopedia and the Gakken Digimon Adventure tri. Memorial Book) hopefully coming in the mail soon, and I still have some stuff lying around I might take up if my mood warms up to it, but since I've finally cleared up a ton of the backlog I felt I should take a breather to summarize stuff. (Although, every time I say I've cleared the backlog, suddenly more interesting things pop up...^^;;)

Digimon Adventure, Adventure 02, Tamers, Frontier

Digimon Adventure 02 Drama CD "Armor Evolution to the Unknown" I will be honest in that this is actually my favorite thing to have translated in this past month. Actually, fiction translation has a higher level of difficulty for me than things like interviews -- because I want to be careful with what real people have said, I tend to be less stringent about rewording things, whereas with fiction I hold myself to a higher standard to make things flow well. But that's actually what makes it so much fun, because I can challenge myself to play with wording and broaden my horizons, and moreover Adventure 02 has a ton of characters, and it's really fun to try and make unique "voices" for all of them. That said, translating this was a bit of a wake-up call, because the sheer amount of pop culture references (to things made before I was even born, at that) and wordplay everywhere led me to the very harsh realization of why so few people have attempted to translate this drama CD into so few languages over the past two decades ^^;; I give my thanks to the anonymous Japanese commenters on Nico Nico Douga who pointed out many of the really old and obscure pop culture references, and I ended up spending several hours on Japanese Wikipedia looking up things like said old anime and British punk rock artists. I might not have gotten everything, and I'm sure there are people out there who probably would have been able to pull it off better than I did, but it ultimately became a test of my abilities as a translator, and if it's fun and entertaining and enjoyable, then that alone makes me satisfied. But I think this will be the last time (at least for a while) that I try translating something audio-only with no transcript -- my hearing is not that great, not even in English ^^;;

The Mystery of the American Box Bug A story from Adventure and Adventure 02 director Hiroyuki Kakudou that has some very tangential (at best) relation to Digimon, but is amusing nevertheless.

Digimon Adventure Character Complete File -- Future Encyclopedia Little "dialogue" snippets from an Adventure/Adventure 02-related book, checking in on the kids-turned-adults during the time of Adventure 02's epilogue. I actually translated this a long time ago, but I lost the transcript for it and I'm pretty sure (given how long ago it was) it was probably pretty embarrassing by my current standards, so I went ahead and did this over again. There are some other things in this book that are interesting and/or amusing, like further background info on the kids' family lives and room layouts, so if I have some spare time I might do some of those in the future, although naturally doing the entire book would probably be practically impossible.

Digimon Series Memorial Book: Digimon Animation Chronicle — Special interview with Hiromi Seki, Hiroyuki Kakudou, and Yukio Kaizawa An interview with some perennial Digimon staff members about Adventure through Frontier (and a bit of X-Evolution). We've had no shortage of these kinds of interviews over the years, but this one happens to summarize a lot of things that used to be considered "obscure" in the Digimon fanbase outside Japan, even though this book (and thus this interview) is one of the most prominent resources for diehard Digimon fans out there. Also, Frontier-related development info tends to be somewhat rare, so it's nice to hear about it. The Digimon Official Super Encyclopedia that I'm hoping to get my hands on soon allegedly has a similar interview with the same three people. I don't know specifics about it yet, but I'm informed that it mostly covers similar territory to this one, but also allegedly has some very fascinating details that weren't in this, so I'm looking forward to that as well.

Message from Digimon Adventure producer Hiromi Seki, to Toshiko Fujita Posted by Adventure producer Hiromi Seki to the LAST EVOLUTION Kizuna Twitter on February 8, 2019, right before the 49th day (last day of mourning, in Japanese tradition) after Taichi Yagami voice actress Toshiko Fujita's passing.

Mimi Tachikawa and Lilimon Posted by Adventure director Hiroyuki Kakudou on his blog, talking about the intent behind Mimi Tachikawa's character and her corresponding track in the drama CD Digimon Adventure: Two-and-a-Half Year Break.

Digimon Adventure tri.

On Creation and Production for “Super Evolution Stage: Digimon Adventure tri.” A post by Director Kenichi Tani about his work on the Adventure tri. stage play. Despite technically being under Adventure tri. branding, the stage play actually has surprisingly little in common with the Adventure tri. anime in terms of both content and production background, and moreover Digimon hasn't had a lot of contact with the stage medium all that much, so I thought it'd be interesting to translate something about its production, especially since this tends to be a lesser talked-about part of the franchise.

October/November 2018 Gashapon Blog interviews with Kenji Watanabe This is actually two interviews, one where Digimon franchise creator and character designer Kenji Watanabe talks about design for a Digimon gachapon set, and one where he talks about Adventure tri.'s Omegamon Merciful Mode, but I'm categorizing it under the Adventure tri. section because I figure the vast majority of readers will be reading the interview for the latter.

Digimon Adventure tri. voice actor comments (Part 1: Reunion | Part 2: Determination | Part 3: Confession | Part 4: Loss | Part 5: Coexistence | Part 6: Our Future) A series of voice actor comments that were posted to the official website prior to each Adventure tri. movie being released. I'd actually had it on the brain to try my hand at these when they were first posted, but various circumstances happened and I never got around to it, until now. In retrospect, though, I think it turned out for the better that I didn't attempt them on the spot. Adventure tri.-related interviews tend to be much more difficult to translate than most Digimon-related ones, and although there are a few reasons why, the biggest one is that, during its run, it had a very tight spoiler embargo, resulting in a lot of vague language being used, and so when you translate from a language like Japanese -- where having proper context can be life or death -- not knowing the original context behind what was being said can throw the end result into completely incorrect and misleading interpretations. While I was working on these, I did actually end up having to pull up the movies again and reference what scenes were being referred to multiple times just so I could phrase the sentence correctly, so yeah, I think it did ultimately work out. Incidentally, this is also the first direct Adventure tri. production-related thing I've translated since 2016 (mainly due to the expenses incurred by importing magazines and my difficulty with translating print media at the time). Looking back at it, I'm honestly kind of ashamed at my own inexperience from back then, but sadly, I don't have the original magazines anymore, so I can't do much to fix it, and so I'm kind of glad to have these as my sort of attempt at "redeeming myself".

Digimon Adventure tri. — Yoshimasa Hosoya interview on “To Me” Also from the official website, discussing voice actor Yoshimasa Hosoya's involvement with the ending theme song from part 3 (Confession), "To Me".

Digimon Adventure LAST EVOLUTION Kizuna

Anime! Anime! interview series (Director Tomohisa Taguchi interview | Natsuki Hanae and Chika Sakamoto interview | 02 human cast voice actor interview | 02 Digimon cast voice actor interview | Producer Yousuke Kinoshita and supervisor Hiromi Seki interview) I didn't actually know this was a series until very recently, so you'll have to forgive me for translating these out of order. Technically, all of these were posted in February to March 2020, after the movie was released in Japan, but it's pretty much spoiler-free. It's got a huge amount of development and background info behind LAST EVOLUTION Kizuna, so I recommend them as reading for anyone interested in seeing the movie.

"In regards to the new Digimon project" Otherwise known as "what happened when Hiroyuki Kakudou accidentally revealed that they were making another Digimon Adventure-related movie". Since the news that original Adventure director was recusing from LAST EVOLUTION Kizuna due to some kind of creative difference over lore ended up naturally being a hot topic, I felt like having a proper translation of his statement on the matter would be a useful thing to have. Despite technically being LAST EVOLUTION Kizuna-related, it also has a transcription of his tweets regarding Adventure/Adventure 02 background lore along with some surprising production details, so it may interest fans of the original series as well.

Digimon Continues to be Loved Thanks to its Creator’s Commitment — With Digimon Character Designer Kenji Watanabe An Asahi &M article (sort of a half-interview) with Kenji Watanabe over his involvement in LAST EVOLUTION Kizuna, which, unusually for a Digimon anime work, actually had him directly involved in production from beginning to end. I put this on the post already, but this article gets a lot dangerously closer to outright spoilers than you'd expect for this kind of material, so if you're particularly keen on going into the movie "completely clean", best to maybe avoid this one until you've seen the movie.

Digimon Adventure LAST EVOLUTION Kizuna — Website messages from Hiromi Seki and Yousuke Kinoshita It's just a short greeting message on the official website. I wanted to translate it mainly because it's not on the official English site.

Animage Plus interviews with Yousuke Kinoshita Also something I'd wanted to translate for a while but never got around to (until now). A triple set of interviews with LAST EVOLUTION Kizuna producer Yousuke Kinoshita, who also talks about Adventure's 20th anniversary and the "Memorial Story" short story collection crowdfund.

Digimon Adventure:

Interviews with Yabuno Tenya and Atsuhiro Tomioka (Part 1: V-Jump Web | Part 2: Digimon Web) A two-part interview (each part on different websites) with Digimon Adventure V-Tamer 01 artist Yabuno Tenya and Digimon Adventure: lead writer Atsuhiro Tomioka, discussing their respective works and Adventure:'s surprising relation to V-Tamer.

Digimon Adventure director Hiroyuki Kakudou’s initial comments on the Digimon Adventure: reboot A triple set of blog posts from original Digimon Adventure director Hiroyuki Kakudou about the Adventure: reboot and what relation it has to him and the original Adventure (along with some fun trivia about the latter). I figured some people out there might be curious about what the original Adventure director thought about Toei rebooting his series.

Digimon games

Explore the Secrets of Digimon World Re:Digitize Decode’s Evolution! Interview with Habu and Tomono Decode is rather inaccessible to the West right now (being unlocalized, and on the region-locked 3DS at that), so the idea of translating too many things relevant to it is pretty low-priority to me at the moment, but it's still a game of significant interest to the Digimon fanbase outside Japan, and is also notable as one of the first major titles spearheaded by Digimon game producer Kazumasa Habu, so I felt that there'd be quite a few people interested in this one.

Interview with Producer Habu of Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth: Hacker’s Memory: Highlights and Future Prospects A 4Gamer interview that I'd wanted to translate since I'd first read it, but never got around to. Incidentally, I decided to go back and make some revisions to the wording for the Famitsu interviews I translated for the original game. They were some of the first things I ever translated, and it...kind of shows. ^^;; Normally I don't like to lock myself into a habit of constantly going back and revising old work, as doing so tends to be a bit of a black hole, but since the original Cyber Sleuth is still quite the hot topic among the fanbase right now (and especially with Complete Edition being recently released), I thought it might be worth it this time.

Famitsu.com interview with Kazumasa Habu on Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth: Hacker’s Memory Another Hacker's Memory interview, a bit less detailed than the above but still fairly informative.

Other

Iwata Asks #14: Hatsune Miku and Future Stars: Project mirai Somehow this ended up the only non-Digimon thing on the list ^^;; The version of this game that eventually did make it to the West (Project Mirai DX) is so different from the original game that it meant this Iwata Asks was never officially translated, so I thought it'd be worth taking a shot at this one. I don't have any plans to translate any other Iwata Asks at the moment, mainly because it requires me to have more than a passing knowledge of how each game works for proper context, but I hope you can at least enjoy this one.

DVD Commentary A: Lesson in Navigation - The End of Chapter 5? Starting with: "She wakes to the sounds of the shower running and an empty bed across the room." (it may be slightly longer than 500 words, but only by like 60, don't cut off this line: "It reminds her a little of the way he'd case a potential score, half-lost in the calculations and newly revealed details, and she fights a shiver, looking away as she ties her laces and stands." cause it's one of my favorites)

A. Send me any passage of 500 words or less from any fanfic I’ve written, and stick that selection in my ask. I will then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what’s going on in the character’s heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you’d expect to find on a DVD commentary track.

She wakes to the sounds of the shower running and an empty bed across the room. There’s a pounding behind her eyes, a physical protest against the late night and too short hours of restless sleep, and an irritation at the world under her skin.

This was a mixture between my personal dislike of developing a crush, because it feels awful in the beginning and I don’t get anyone who says they like feeling that way, and my being convinced that Kate didn’t sleep well after her realization the night before that led to Kate waking up cranky and with a headache from a bad night’s sleep.

Not gonna lie, I’m a little proud of the line “an irritation at the world under her skin.” I made a point not to cut it when my editing almost reworded it in such a way that it didn’t work.

She wants to roll over and escape back into unconsciousness for a few more hours but the digital clock beside her tells her its already well into late morning. Her stomach grumbles in hungry protest as Kate slips from the bed, blinking groggily in the muted light from the curtained window. 

I probably spent way too long trying to figure out exactly what time motels stop serving breakfast, especially when I didn’t even specify what time it actually was that Kate woke up, but that’s a big part of writing, doing a bunch of research you never actually use. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the timeline so that I could stick as close to canon as I could, and I needed it to be late enough that they wouldn’t arrive at Uncle Eddie’s too soon but also wouldn’t have to skip out eating. Parts of the breakfast scene were already written and I really didn’t want to have to chuck them all and make them eat in the car.

The shower turns off and Seth appears a few minutes later clad in boxers and pulling his undershirt on over his head.

Seth was always going to come out in some kind of clothes, but I did amuse myself with the idea of writing him coming out in a towel and a flustered Kate grumpily dealing with that.

It’s such a small thing, I doubt anyone’s noticed or cares that much, but I try very hard to only call Seth’s white tanks “undershirts.”

Lingering patches of moisture glue the thin material along the lines of his chest and torso and Kate’s eyes catch and stick for a moment, a faint echo of heat pulsing low in her stomach.

Because now that Kate’s realized she’s attracted to him, she's going to notice such things in a way she didn’t quite before. And Seth seems like the kind of guy to not fully dry off before pulling some of his clothes back on (but not all, because pants on damp skin doesn’t work). They’ve also developed quite a bit of casual intimacy with each other by the time season two starts, and coming out in what is essentially his underwear falls under that.

I was also wanted to touch on the idea that Kate finds her feelings/attraction to him a bit inconvenient. Not only does she have to deal with everything else going on in her life, she’s now distracted by Seth in a damp undershirt and runs the risk of being caught staring.

I’m also asexual and do not understand the appeal of visual stimuli in a purely sexual context. I read a lot various slowburn romances dealing with sexual attraction in hopes that I could get Kate’s physical attraction/noticing of Seth across in this and the chapters following. I know this is just a short line, but “a faint echo of heat pulsing low in her stomach” was practically agonized over as I tried to figure out if that was something that was plausible. *shrug* It’s easier to imagine/write about when there’s touching and/or emotions involved.

He pauses when he sees her, gaze flicking down to her bare feet before coming back up to her sleep mussed hair.

“Sleeping Beauty finally wakes,” he greets almost cheerfully and Kate scowls at him.

It’s a cliche and I don’t care, Seth one-hundred percent noticed her wearing his shirt and only his shirt, especially with her just-out-of-bed hair. He’s also more than a little amused by Kate’s sleepy state, because sleepy people are adorable and you can’t convince me otherwise.

The fandom refers to Kate as a Disney princess enough that I just had to put a reference in as well. :P And Seth will take a teasing opportunity when it presents itself, especially after last night and her new awareness of him. And I’m stopping there because I do have his version of this scene written and I don’t want to spoil everything that’s going through his head.

And of course, grumpy!Kate.

Seth, she’d discovered shortly into their life on the road, is a morning person. Even when hungover he’s able wake-up fairly alert and ready to get moving, while Kate has always needed time to shed the lingering effects of sleep. “Get dressed. Breakfast ends in forty-five minutes.” 

“Yeah yeah,” she mumbles, rolling her eyes as she heads towards the now vacant bathroom.

I took most of that from canon and just expanded on it a bit. We only see him wake up the once, but he definitely got up and got moving really quickly. It wasn’t much to decide that he’s a morning person.

She finds her clothes folded haphazardly on the bathroom counter, pausing with a flash of muted embarrassment at the sight of her underwear sitting on top of her jeans.

It amused me to think of Seth catching sight of Kate’s clothes on the shower and then having to pull them down and poorly folding them. Just the domesticity of it, of sharing a living space with another person and all those little things that you end up doing/seeing. But it also takes on a different, more embarrassing context when you like someone and you realize they’ve seen your bra and panties sitting out.

It’s ridiculous, Seth must have seen every article of clothing she owns at some point or another, either when doing laundry or because life in one room motels doesn’t leave a lot of space for modesty, but there’s something about knowing he had to pull her delicates down from the top of the shower curtain that leave her self-conscious and eyeing the simple faded green cotton critically.  

I was thinking of those moments when you run into your crush and suddenly you’re thinking about how your shirt still has that coffee stain from this morning or how messy you’re desk/apartment/workspace/etc looks and just becoming suddenly self-conscious of how they are taking in you and your stuff. And again, the whole he saw her bra and panties thing and then had to move them out of the way.

She shakes it off, brushing her teeth and using the restroom quickly before pulling on her panties and jeans.

I’ll admit, this line was mostly because I didn’t want to forget that these are people and they need to do basic human things like use the restroom.

Her shirt from the day before is full of weird wrinkles and her bra still too damp from where the lightly padded cups absorbed their fair share of water and she hesitates only a moment before shoving them both in the plastic shopping bag.

Part of this was an excuse to get Kate in Seth’s shirt for a bit longer (for reasons), although the bra part was more inspired because I noticed Kate wears bras with slight padding and I know they can take too long to dry.

Folding the sleeves of Seth’s shirt up to her elbows and removing the smudges of make-up from below her eyes go a long way to making her look presentable, but she still morns the loss of her few cosmetics and face wash. Or god, even a hairbrush, running her fingers through her hair only does so much.

I hadn’t entirely realized the implications of Kate and Seth running into Carlos right after their dinner and then having to flee until the conversation Kate had with Sonja in the parking lot. (I’m a pantser, I set write something and then think about the consequences after :P) In the first draft, Seth didn’t come back with anything after getting a room so there was no bag or Tylenol for Kate’s headache or toothbrushes. But he also didn’t get much, and I wanted to show the consequences of running with virtually nothing and how much you miss the little things.

Seth’s brows knit together when he sees her, but he doesn’t comment.

Seth and seeing her wearing his damn shirt and the statement it implies... yeah...

He watches her though, throwing on his suit jacket and buttoning it closed as Kate pulls on her socks and shoes, something thoughtful and a bit intense behind his eyes. It reminds her a little of the way he'd case a potential score, half-lost in the calculations and newly revealed details, and she fights a shiver, looking away as she ties her laces and stands.

Seth is a strategist guy, and when he’s casing a job he’s figuring out angles and how to best approach. He knows how to work the job, how to study all the pieces and get everything set up to give himself the best possible outcome. Its a rather focused look he has, his attention devoted on gathering as much information as he can and working out the steps he’ll need to take. Not to imply that Kate is something he's going to steal (although he kind of already did that) or that he’s got some grand master plan here, but rather this newly discovered (on her part) possibility between them and the statement she’s subconsciously implying and just this shift in their relationship... there’s a strategy to courtship and Seth knows strategy.

“C’mon,” she mutters, shoving what little possessions they have into the bottom of her bag. “I’m hungry.”

I’ll be entirely honest, I struggled way too much with how to end this scene. I swear that line gave me more trouble than the rest of the scene combined.

things a new (old/mutual/whatever) rp partner should know about me !

fun new meme here ! write 3-5 things a rp partner (or those who want to be) should know about you and tag 3-5 people! it should be related to rp and not to other interests.

I have a lot of muses all spread out on different blogs so, if I can’t choose one of your muses, I’m going to send in a meme for each of your muses. Out of my three primary roleplay blogs, there are four side roleplay blogs. Four of the muses being time lords and every regeneration - incarnation - is a muse of their own. Over at @themadvigilantist​ have 339 V muses, 89 Vin muses, 3 villains; sideblog @tardis500​ has 6 tardis oc muses, here, which is also a sideblog, I have 8 ocs, 12 canonical characters, 52 televised/comic/audio parody portrayals of the doctor. At @pennybraddock​, i have only 1 oc muse. At @drbabygirl​, i have 1 oc, and 4 canon characters. At @thebadtimewolf​, I have a singular time lord main muse with 15 human alternate versions of herself and one angel entity with @nosewitch​ being one singular side blog. Altogether, i have 533 muses, possibly more if I miscounted (or if the doctor ends up getting more that I missed then well shit, i’ll add them later as muses too. So, if you are someone that don’t want a spam of asks your way or thought I would just pick one muse out of your many, you are dead wrong on that and I might not be the blog for you. I’ll slap in a new muse left and right and then think I’m done only to add 20 more out of excitement just to forget about them later on. When I say I am excited to rp with you, I’m excited to throw a small village at every single muse you got unless you pick one first.

I am a very graphic and dark writer with the occasional smut (depending on the blog/muse), that does not censor or tone down their muse but, there are some limits. Just about all of my rp blogs deal with some very heavy subject material, which I tend to write out in great detail. This means you might come across descriptions of scenarios, that are very dark, graphic, disturbing or just drawn out as something that my muse realistically, no one would give/expect that kind of reaction towards in general. However, I have a limit and no, it’s not because it makes me unconfortable writing it, I just get...stuck. Okay, for example with my villain/neutral muses, I can’t write rape. I’ll write with someone that can write that particular subject but, I can’t write it myself because I don’t know how. Murder? You betcha and with detail. Torture? You got it and with trauma. Destroy an entire solar system while making the character feel wracked with guilt over the deaths of billions? Yeah, I can do that with detail on how it affected everyone else on a visual. Rape? Nope, nothing, same goes if you random anons want to just worse stuff, I can’t write it. Don’t know how, won’t know how. Now, that being said, I will never condone any of those behaviors that I describe but, if I can’t write it? Then pick something else. I can tag appropriately but, if my partner don’t tell me to cut to the next day or do fade-to-black in their following response, I’m going to describe that. Why I say depending on the muse is this: some of my muses are into fearplay/edgeplay but, the level where they were probably the reason some of their ‘interests’ are called risk-accepted consensual kinks which, for muses that are vile or evil, y’all gonna have to um, explain it that what you’re doing to them is not a dubcon situation but, a no-dont-get-off-on-this situation-this-is-my-scare-tactic. if you don’t, it’s gonna get real uncensored morticia/gomez real quick and you don’t want it. Other muses on the other hand will actually be scared so, choose (out of the collective 533+ muses) wisely. I’ll give you a list of who is in to what real quick, just ask/im me and i’ll find a generator that show just how much/little they’ll be into a thing.

I use either memes, open starters, greeters as an ice breaker but, also aiming to pre-established starters. So, I tend to make general starter for those that recently follow me in a way that anyone could respond to. I’m not shy to plotting but, for the most part, I’m just testing the waters. We can also im each other, send each other asks or whathaveyou. A jumping board that I might respond to one of your open starters or make a thread out of an answered post that you or I had sent to the other.

I don’t know how to godmod but, if you do it ...don’t be surprised that the muse is gonna fight back?? I only say this because I can’t write physical fight scenes with anyone because I’m so shit at those that I can now say that I have been accused of godmodding (2) twice in the span of a decade on this site by two ppl who (hopefully) live somewhere with free healthcare. Everytime I respond to how my character would counter an attack, there’s always that one person with their muse - that they are clearly in a fight scene - that only I get accused of godmodding out of nowhere. Despite when I look back at my responses on how I word things and I don’t see it (I still don’t. Is there an editor I can ask to look over and what I should reword here??) and the accuser fails to tell me to reword what sentence/paragraph to fix it where it’s not that. If I don’t get a response to what/where the specific bit in my response that made you think/came across as godmodding, then clearly you was godmodding too.                        OTHERWISE, WITH THE REST OF THE PPL I RPED A FIGHT SCENE WITH IN THE SPAN OF THE DECADE, THEY WERE JUST LIKE ‘OH THIS IS FUNKY AND FUN! *CUE TO US VIBIN OVER ANGST IN TAGS WHILE ALSO POKING FUN AT OUR MUSES AND SHIT*’ AND LIKE WE COOL SO MAYBE IT’S NOT MY WRITING STYLE, IT’S JUST YOU MISREADING THE TEXT PRESENTED TO YOU AND NOT ASKING ‘hey what you mean by [action/thing]? could you like rewrite that? i don’t get it, it didn’t sit right could you rewrite it?’ I’LL DO IT, I’LL FIX IT. HELP ME SEE WHAT YOU SEE?? INSTEAD OF JUMPING TO THAT ACCUSATION WITH NO EXPLANATION WHEN A THREAD DON’T GO YOUR WAY?? IT’S NO ANNOYANCE/BOTHER FOR ME TO FIX MY MISTAKES BUT IF YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT THE MISTAKE IS (while consciously choosing to just point out that in some part of our thread to say only ‘stop godmodding/that was a little godmod-y’ when a muse of mine don’t react/act indifferent to yours and their actions) THEN HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO GET BETTER, DO BETTER, AND BE BETTER IN MY WRITING WITH YOU IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE REPERCUSSIONS/REACTION OF MY MUSES CHOICE OF RESPONSE?? ok that’s out of my system                                  anyway don’t-don’t-don’t godmod but also, if you think im godmodding when i can’t tell where it is on either side ahahahah, u better fucking tell me which paragraph/sentence i fucked up instead of just throwing that word around when you can’t handle when muses don’t automatically shiver at the sight of yours. if anything, they already been there done that over it.

I’ll make a manip, gifset, draw our muses for our muses. I do that. I do that a lot. Ask me, I’ll do it. I’ll submit/send the drawing privately but, manips and gifsets: I put that on display. I will. Ask me.

Tagged by: @blindeddevil

Tagging: @city-full-of-ocs @idontdosecondchances @takumishinobi @paigeatyourservice @girl-in-the-tardis @followthedrums13 @gingersrockstheuniverse @destinybitten @lonelybxstards @theiracademydaysareover @theserpentsjester & anyone else that wants to/sees this

my entire mood @ #4 but, it was made at 3 AM and i don’t have the voice but, the vibe of yvette nicole brown because i got into community again

hey actual queen of roger taylor smut, can i ask for some advice ? i’m trying to write something and i just can not get it sounding how i want. can’t get it past that kind of awkward, cliche phase if you know what i mean. do you have any tips for smut writing or anything you do yourself ? would be very much appreciated :)) xx

ksjgdhjs well idk if i deserve that title but I’ll try and help! 

so when i write, the first draft is just about getting the basic ideas down. I have an outline of the main things I want to happen and I follow that and try to fill in the blanks/inbetween parts. This means the first draft is often littered with cliches and poor word choice because I’m more focused on making sure I know where everyone’s hands are and that if they start in position A they can get to position B in a way that makes sense. If I can’t think of anything better than “their tongues battled for dominance.” then I put it down and move along.

when I go back to edit I try to fix that sort of stuff. Cliches can be good, and you don’t have to get rid of all of them, but you don’t want there to be too many of them too close together either, and the trick is knowing which is the good kind and which is the bad kind. I wish I had some of my drafts so I could take some screencaps for examples but I write in word online so it gets saved over when I make a change, I’ll try and pull some stuff from memory though. 

So, theres this bit in I’ll Make It Up To You

I’m pretty sure this was a ‘tongues battle for dominance’ bad cliche moment in draft 1. I knew I wanted a kiss in there but I didn’t know how to describe it so I used the cliche. When I came back to it once I’d finished writing I had a better understanding of the characters and their emotions and also just a better idea of how to write than when I’d started. I realised I needed this kiss to demonstrate how much the two characters had missed each other so I tried to focus on that. It was easy with the reader character cause I could just flat out say “god you’d missed this” and it works but I wasn’t writing Roger’s POV so I had to try and get it across through describing his movements and expressions and stuff that reader would be able to see and feel - “pulling you as close to him as you could possibly get.” 

I think I also tried to describe the kiss in more detail when I was editing - I definitely remember trying to work in something about teeth clashing or something like that. I was really trying to make it obvious how much they missed/needed each other but it ended up sounding just as bad and cliched as what I originally had. So I simplified it, cut out excess description and just said it was messy and needy and figured whoever was reading it would know what I meant, or at least be able to picture what they see as a messy and needy kiss. Sometimes you have to trust that your audience can picture something without you giving a beat by beat description.

Then theres this from QITL 2

Taken on its own, out of the context of the rest of the story, thats a fairly standard line. It could have come from any number of smut fics and could easily be described as somewhat cliche. But its a different type of cliche to the ‘tongues battling’ one above. Plus, when it’s in the context of the rest of the fic it’s not as noticeable. 

I find that a lot of smut writing (or just writing in general i guess) is just about balance. It’s walking a thin line between too much and not enough. To much description gets in the way of the story and the characters. Not enough leaves your audience confused. Cliched language can be good, especially if you havent experienced what you’re writing about so don’t know exactly how it’d feel, you can use cliches like ‘gasping for air’ and ‘back arching off the bed’ and ‘hard enough to bruise’ because you’re audience will understand what you’re saying with them. But cliches like ‘tongues battling’ and describing his ‘blue orbs’ should probably be reworded because they’re so ubiquitous now that it pulls your audience out of the rhythm of story. 

It’s something you get better at the more you write, but heres a couple of things I do when I’m trying to fix awkward phrasing:

1. Edit multiple times - something might hit you as particularly clumsy or awkward on your second or third read through that you completely missed on your first. But likewise, if you read over something a few times the way to fix it becomes clearer

2. Look at the sentences around the one your trying to fix - sometimes the problem isn’t so much with the one sentence you’ve noticed. sometimes its the way the previous sentence leads into it. or the way the next sentence starts. sometimes its some clumsy dialogue from earlier in the paragraph thats throwing the whole thing off.

3. Think about what your characters want and what they feel and try to get that across in your word choice. If Character A feels touch starved and needy choose words that emphasise those feelings - mention how their fingers twitch at the thought of touching Character B, things like that. If Character A is eager to please, use words like enthusiastically or without hesitation. Mix emotive phrases in with the standard smut phrases - they balance each other out and make cliched language appear less cliched.

4. Take a break! Sometimes you just look at something for too long and everything starts sounding bad! I always try to take a break in between finishing my first draft and starting to edit. Do something away from your writing, make a cup of tea or watch an episode of a tv show or read a chapter of a book or put on a load of laundry, anything that will make your mind focus on something else. Then you can come back with fresh eyes and properly evaluate what you’ve written. 

5. Read things out loud. It’s not always easy to do, especially if you live with other people and you don’t want them to know what you’re writing, but it does help. Even just whispering it to yourself. It forces you to pay attention to what you’ve written which makes it easier to pick up on mistakes you’ve made (both grammatical and things like how your characters are positioned), and also pick up on clumsy/awkward/bad word choice. It’s the thing I do most when something feels off  but I can’t work out what, it helps narrow down where the issues lie which makes them easier to fix.

This got longer than I meant it to be so hopefully something in here helps you! Let me know if you have any other questions or want more details about something I mentioned in here!!

I said I was gonna probably talk abt Deltarune, I’m talking abt Deltarune

ALSO. THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THE GAME. LOTS AND LOTS OF SPOILERS

theres a whole lot to unpack from the ending, and I have a few headcannons in mind. I’m also going to focus on Kris, Frisk, Chara, Asriel, and Ralsei and the connections between them. It’s a lot of word barf too, so be warned.

(also I haven’t seen any theories from the deltarune fandom, this is all what I got from deltarune. I’ve kept it blacklisted bc I’m not going to have it tainted like undertale was.)

as we know, this universe is one where monsters never went underground. and as we know, everyone (keep this in mind) from the previous game is alive but living very similar, but different lives. And then there’s us. Kris. A new character presumably not from the last game Here’s what I think so far:

Chara was most definitely the voice talking to us in the beginning. They have the same kind of speech patterns and the same kind of thinking. “Its kill or be killed” “You can’t choose who you are in this world.” Both Chara and the voice have a very pessimistic view of the world, mostly about how people are naturally very cruel and will hurt you any chance they get. (and honestly, considering Kris’ life in the upper world, it would make sense that they too would have the same thought process).

As for the end, what happened in the end scene has happened before, multiple times before. It wasn’t because Kris went to the dark world. The birdcage they (or Chara) throws their soul in the cage is significantly damaged and the cage shakes with the force of it. It would explain why Kris always wakes up late for school, because they go out and do, whatever it is they do at night, and their body gets very tired. The ending scene also suggests that Kris isn’t pulling their soul out willingly, or even getting out of bed willingly. And since that’s supposed to be Kris’ soul, that means their soul isn’t in their body anymore, which suggests something else. 

also, I think the “incident”, whatever it was, that tore the family apart and outcasted Asgore has something do with Kris’ specifically. The first time there was an incident in the family it was when the Chara and Asriel fusion died, and the second time Asgore killed a bunch of kids. It doesn’t seem like Asgore killed some kids because he’s not in jail or anything, but it was definitely something that upset both Tori and Asgore significantly, so it might have had to do with the kids. That was also the turning point for both Asriel and Chara to become flowey and murder child so this universe’s kids must have changed significantly too.

Remember how I said everyone is living similar yet very different lives? In the last game, we played two characters: Frisk in pacifist and Chara in fight, but Kris is new, presumably one of them. Initially it seems like Kris is in Frisk’s place If Asriel is cannonly around the same age as Chara and is in college, I’d pit him around his early 20’s, maybe still 18. Considering the school looks like it was made for younger students and there are already stereotypes in the school (Susie, obviously) I’d pit Kris somewhere in middleschool, in sixth grade at the very least and eighth or ninth grade at the very most. Probably 12, or 13? 15 at most (which was around the age Frisk probably was when they fell). So they’d be more than four years apart, and that's a conservative estimate.

At the same time though, both Chara and Kris (other than share the same sweater) also share a personality as the weird kid that doesn’t talk that much. They naturally do very weird things that frighten other people, but they seem like pranks at worst. And they’re also naturally very aloof and don’t talk a lot and likes to keep to themselves (but will make an exception for Asriel). What Kris does with Asriel is also similar to what Chara did with him (Asriel’s final form was referenced by one of the characters, where they say that Chara and Asriel were too busy focusing on the wings). Then again, Frisk doesn't talk a lot either.

But then it came down to the name. I was originally confused why Kris had such a normal name, but if Ralsei is just a rewording of the name “Asriel” and is supposed to represent a version of Asriel, then “Kris” may be “Frisk” without the “F” (it also may be a stretch but I think there is no F because you probably shouldn't fight. Either that, or putting an F in that name is kinda hard to do). Thats what I initially thought that was. But If you pronounce Chara the same way you pronounce the first part of the word “Character”, then the name sounds like “Kara.” Add the K of Kara and the ris from “Frisk” and you get “Kris”. Not only that, but the regular spelling of Kris is Chris, “Ch” from Chara, “ris" from Frisk, and the “Ch” is disguised as a K from Frisk (also to make it more gender neutral, I think)

So maybe Kris isn’t just Chara or isn’t just Frisk, they’re both, a mixture of the two angels that fell down to free the monsters from the underground. But then why is the Chara part of them so prevalent here? 

I think that’s because Chara’s possessing Kris. Since characters like Chara can break the fourth wall and don’t follow the laws of reality, as well as know of alternate universes and endings, Chara could have crossed from the Undertale Universe into the Deltarune Universe, and then influenced their “Chara” side more.

Here’s what I think happened: An incident occurred where Kris and Asriel were put in danger that almost killed them. They lived, obviously, but Kris became very vulnerable. Because Kris was very vulnerable at the time and is also the version of Chara here, it was easy for Chara to possess them.

It may be very easy for Kris to be possessed frequently. When we first meet sans and he greets you, you have the opportunity to say “good to see you again” or something like that, to which sans replies that he’s never met you before. Either Kris was joking around or that was actually Chara saying hi to him. Plus the phase “It’s only you.” when you look in the mirror is a bit....ominous, and can imply there can be another person there sometimes.

Kris isn’t possessed all the time though, they still wake up late, and it’s implied they still have control of themselves sometimes —when you visit Rudy, there’s a card on the table that “you” have never seen before, even though you wrote it.  And Chara has to store the soul in the birdcage frequently, implying that Kris can fight them, to some degree.

So if Chara has been here the whole time, and has been possessing Kris frequently, what exactly are they doing? Honestly, I really don’t know. As Undyne says, the town is really boring. Of course, considering the shit that went down at the end of the game, that's probably going to change. Still though, I have no idea what they were doing before the whole “dark world” business.

I’m not going to go into much detail into Ralsei but I do want to point out one thing that stood out to me. He seems like a pretty cut n dry character, and his purpose as Asriel’s reverse is pretty obvious. He is the dark opposite of Asriel, he’s the dark prince living in the castle, while everyone in his universe is alive except for him, all of his subjects are gone and he’s the only one left. His name is literally a respelling of the world Asriel, plus he’s a goat. A goat. 

But if there’s one thing that concerned me the most was how insistent he was on making sure you “acted” instead of “fought”. what stood out to me the most was when he was talking about the consequences of fighting, he said something alone the lines of “You may not like the outcome/ending you get.” Which makes me wonder what exactly happened to him and his entire kingdom. And since he’s technically a version of Asriel (who is still Flowey in the undertale universe), maybe he knows about the old resets from the Undertale universe. 

The other theory is he went through his own fight route which honestly sounds pretty intense. Really intense. Considering that flowey too did many routes, especially fight routes, the idea that Ralsei here could have done a kill route too can be very possible. also, the way Ralsei tells Kris to act sounds less like “dont do this because I saw someone else do it”, and more like “don’t do this because I did it and now I live with the consequences”. 

finally, to tobias fox

im not forgiving you for what you’ve done to mettaton

that is all

If you’ve never been part of a certain fandom, you probably only know him from his recent appearance on Critical Role. If you have been in that certain fandom, you probably remember him as being the Community Manager for nearly two years before moving on to be a content creator for the same group instead.

So you might not know the blemishes on his record. I have one to share that’s to my knowledge never been discussed except amongst those it directly happened to and their immediate friends. It happened, we were upset, we carried on with our weekend and moved on. I’m not trying to start “Drama” here, I’m just putting on record what probably should have been put on record a long while ago anyway.

Let’s talk about Mark Hulmes and London MCM Oct 2015.

Some background first, and I stress that this happened almost 3 years ago and my memory isn’t the best so some details might be off or omitted. I was and still am a content creator myself, and in 2015 Minecraft was very much my standard fare. In particular around October, I was working on a special mini-game map that used command blocks to create guns and freezing effects and team-based trickery meant to create a decent game reminiscent of John Carpenter’s 1982 movie The Thing. You could liken the gameplay of it to the Trouble in Terrorist Town sort of genre.

Part of my intention in attending MCM that October was to shop the project around a bit with content creators that might get a kick out of it, netting me some publicity and networking. Going to MCM is always a business decision for me in this regard, but I attended it with a friend of mine, whose bed I was (very apologetically and at their insistence) thieving instead of getting an expensive hotel room, and with my partner. The friend in particular bears note because they were attending MCM despite having recently undergone corrective knee surgery, which certainly didn’t make me feel any better stealing their bed.

Now, I’m well aware the perils of being a big name content creator at a convention, especially one where you’re answering autograph queues and have your own stand and even have actual security assigned to you. I know full well what concerns and such are at work in that situation, so I took and always try to take them into account when interacting at conventions.

When looking to shop my project to the creators Hulmes was, at the time, community manager for, I first approached their security detail (a fairly amicable man named Kev in most cases) and explained the situation. I’ve spoken with him a few times at a few MCMs and I’ve always tried to present myself as an understanding individual, well aware of his priorities and fully willing to cooperate with him to ensure I don’t come across as some sneaky and/or obsessive fan trying to creep around backstage as it were. His objectives and mine are best accomplished by working together and I’m happy to jump through whatever hoops he requires to that end.

Through the guard, I got to talk with Hulmes for a moment. I explained what work I’d done with the group before, described my project, and asked if he could inquire with the creators he represented if any of them would be interested. He even offered to nab some swag for my friends and I, which was very much not on my mind but my friends were certainly all in favour. He suggested we stop back in the hall at a specific time later in the day (I vaguely recall it being 5:30 PM, but suffice it to say it was Hulmes who chose the time and place) so we could talk directly with one or more of the creators. We agreed, said see you later, and went about the rest of our days.

Fast forward a little bit to the Appointed Hour, and we return to the convention hall in question to find it is being dismantled at the end of the day. Having been in convention halls in such states before, this didn’t phase me in the least and my friends and I strode confidently up to the booth where Hulmes was in plain sight.

And here’s where you should really start paying attention.

Before we’ve even gotten half-way across the hall, we are stopped by security. Not the detail on Hulmes and his employers, but by convention security. They stop us in our tracks, say that we’re trespassing if we stay, and firmly tell us to leave. We explain that we already arranged to meet with Hulmes there and then, but they aren’t listening. As with the security detail, I can understand this, anyone could make the same claim to try and dodge them, this much makes sense.

But unlike “anyone”, we could actually verify it there and then, Hulmes was a literal stone’s throw away, we’d spoken directly to him away from the horde of fans mere hours ago. I called out to him to get his attention and he turned and looked straight at us, gestured and yelled that he’d email me, and walked off.

This was sufficient to severely (and you’ll have to pardon my uncharacteristic French here) piss me off for the rest of the day, but is made worse by the account given by my post-op friend that they were intimidated physically and verbally by the security stalling us in the course of this whole thing.

We went back to our accommodation, I cooled off, and I typed out an email to Hulmes hoping to discuss my project further. Despite a couple such attempts since then, I have never once received any email or response from him. My Thing project ultimately fizzled out due to some Internet connection issues (namely the complete and total lack of one) that lasted well into 2016. The incident wasn’t really discussed outside of our immediate social circle and not for very long even then, so that’s why it’s taken so long to be written down here.

To finally summarise this wall of text: Hulmes invited a group of people to an appointed time and place of his choosing, did nothing as they were stopped by security and a disabled person was physically intimidated, when he could literally have shouted “it’s okay” and the whole matter could have been resolved in seconds, then proceeded to completely ghost those involved.

Sure, this is my one anecdote, it was a convention, he was probably quite busy, he was probably in a rush to get his own taxi to his own bed after a long day, but this behaviour was cruel and, as an ostensive community manager, inexcusable.

If you know nothing else about what has gone down on his watch, know nothing about his actions outside of Critical Role or Tabletop Weekly, know that Hulmes put a disabled person in harm’s way and did nothing to prevent it even when it was right infront of him, whilst acting as a community manager.

End of story.

UPDATE An earlier version of this post cited the post-op friend being physically knocked over, but discussion of the incident with said friend has them not remembering such.

They do remember being justifiably scared by the security agents and being physically herded from the convention hall, and wouldn’t think it impossible for their memory to forget being knocked over, but I’ve reworded parts of the post to better declare what we know for relative-certainty to be on the side of caution.

At the Broken Places

Title: At the Broken Places Pairing: Ignis/Aranea Rating: T Warnings: Very minor mentions of blood Prompt: Day 2- Wounds & Blood AO3: here

Written for @ffxvrarepairsweek

Aranea definitely didn't mean to make Ignis bleed. It's just too damn easy to forget he's relearning the bulk of his skills.

“It’s nothing,” Ignis knows the words aren’t precisely true, but he isn’t going to let such a detail throw him. The pain is present and impossible to ignore, weeping hot and angry down his chest, over defined muscle at his abdomen. Aranea makes a noise in response that he can easily translate at this point- frustration and a hint of incredulity. He likes the little sound, even if it is one of annoyance. It’s one of concern too, though there really isn’t much to be concerned for.

“Training isn’t meant to actually injure you,” she’s taking a no-nonsense sort of tone and Ignis is quite aware he shouldn’t be smiling, but there they are and there he is. He can picture the narrowing of her eyes and furrowing of her brow in response with an almost startling clarity. It’s a moment of utter dissonance, where he can forget the particulars of his situation, set them aside in favor of a brief fantasy. His eyes are only closed here to avoid the small measure of carnage. He’ll open one and find her disapproval, maybe he’ll catch her lips and wipe away a scowl.

That, of course, isn’t quite the situation as things stand. He thinks he could probably still lean in for the kiss, be accepted at it grudgingly and with another one of those disapproving sounds. It would be clumsy though, searching, lack a sort of confidence that would turn the gesture from smooth to, dare he admit it, a bit pathetic. He makes a mental note of the idea though, sets it away for a time when his spatial awareness has improved some, when the gesture is more likely to err on the side of smooth over that of pathetic.

“You’ve been beating me soundly for weeks. I don’t see how this is any different,” maybe he’s hidden a joke in there somewhere, just a small bit of bait, but he knows better than to think Aranea will take it. Perhaps it’s Noct’s humor that’s worn off on him, or maybe Ignis has always been inclined toward it, but it’s a particular trait that Aranea isn’t quite as disposed toward. It’s not a situation she takes lightly. It’s not one that Ignis has the luxury of taking lightly either, in most cases, but a bit of humor to harshen the blow usually helps. Usually. Not in this case.

He’s taken the liberty of shrugging off his shirt, even used it to mop up a bit of the blood. It’s not a terribly deep wound, nothing properly threatening, but it’s a harsh cut into the meat of his chest and he can feel the slippery quality and work out that he’s not done much but smear the mess, make the whole situation appear worse than it really is. The pain is far from overwhelming and, when he runs his fingers on either edge of the wound, drags them along the horizontal length, he finds that there really won’t be much to remember it by save a thin scar he’ll never see.

“It’s different,” Aranea tells him this in a tone that isn’t easy to decipher. It sits somewhere between frustration and concern, hints around the edge of guilt. All of this may simply be Ignis filling in the blanks, leaning into instinct and inflection and tiny invisible hints. He is fairly well convinced, though, that he’s worked it out. He’s usually fairly well convinced that he’s worked things out with her. He doesn’t say this, though he feels just the start of a smile working the edges of his lips when her hand slaps his away. There’s a rough thump at the center of his chest to follow, the flat end of her fist followed by the cool work of a potion.

“I suspect that will do the trick,” Ignis keeps his tone calm, casual. He goes back to with the undershirt just the best he can manage, but Aranea pushes his hands down and tugs it away. There’s a moment where neither of them say anything, where Ignis can feel her eyes burning at him even if he can’t see it. It’s something in her touch, the way her fingers linger at his hands for just a moment too long when she snatches the soiled cloth. Maybe it’s in the way the air shifts around them, how he can feel her proximity, her face a few inches from his.

Aranea has been no small help to his recovery, that much is without question. Ignis is learning in leaps and bounds, really. He’s learning to conduct himself on the field again. He’s learning to pay attention to things like those hints of light that still register, like the warmth of a body near his, like the sound of breath or shifting gravel or scraping armor. He’s getting better, too. He doesn’t admit to this, doesn’t allow himself to rest on any laurels, but the beatings are actually far less sound than he gives credit for, and the ground is becoming more even with each passing day.

Ignis presses his mouth into a thin line and he allows Aranea to set at work properly cleaning the blood away from his torso. Her touch is almost shockingly light, even if he’s well-aware that she’s capable of such tenderness. He finds something so terribly intimate about the act, the careful way she’s wiping away the blood she, however inadvertently, was the one to draw. He’s making a careful point to keep his expression neutral, maybe bordering on a tightly drawn mask. He knows that she’ll say what she needs to. He can hear the particular intakes of breath, the beginnings of sentences that she’s rethinking, mentally rewording. It’s horribly endearing.

“You do realize that if anyone else was responsible for this, I’d kill them,” the words Aranea settles on are absolutely frank, maybe a little dull in their delivery, but still enough to have Ignis incapable of choking back a brief laugh. He does, in fact, realize this. When their training together began, shortly after his injury, even less shortly after his experience in Gralea, it would have absolutely mortified him. Ignis is absolutely capable, self-reliant to a fault. A small thing like the utter loss of his sight shouldn’t change that.

The version of himself that he hasn’t entirely quashed yet, the one that still rises in hot flashes of frustrated anger from time to time, is still screaming that fact. It’s still rebelling against the idea of being cared for, being looked after, being protected. The better part of Ignis, however, the part that has been improving day by day, that has been learning to accept certain limitations, feels a particularly unfamiliar warmth at the idea. And that part understands that, at her core, Aranea knows fully well that Ignis can take care of himself, that he doesn’t need someone fending off every threat, coddling him as a child. He even understands that she hasn’t been doing any of those things. She’s been standing at his side, assisting him where he needs. Knocking him soundly on his ass when he needs that, too.

“Well aware. It wasn’t anyone else though, so I hope you find the capacity to forgive,” Ignis says it with a tone that isn’t entirely serious but also is not without weight. He can hear the guilt in her voice, practically feel it in her touch, in her fingers skimming over potion-mended flesh once the blood has been wiped away. His hand moves swiftly to cover hers, press it flat against his chest, against that warm skin that is still a little sticky with remnants of blood, against the steady metronome of his heart beneath. And this time, with her hand as anchor, as a guiding point, he feels absolutely no hesitation, sweeps his head in and steals her lips. He thinks for just a moment that she will pull back, scold him again, but she doesn’t. She lingers there, warm and present and accepting. The sensation lies somewhere between comfort and thrill.

“Am I being too hard on you?” her voice is just above a whisper when their lips part, when she lets her forehead tilt to rest against his. He can feel the way her brows are furrowing, feel the little bit of tension in her hand, still pressed flat to his sternum. It’s just the sort of behavior that, back in a lifetime that seems to have passed over the course of a few weeks, would have absolutely startled him. Here, it’s only unexpected on first examination.

“I’d tell you if you were. We agreed on that at the start,” Ignis reminds her in a voice that has dropped to match hers. He thinks that it must have the intended soothing effect because there is a hinted nod and her thumb makes an affectionate little brush against his skin. He thinks he might say more, that he might tell her there’s no need to worry, to feel guilty, but those are poor things to say. He wouldn’t dare tell Aranea how she ought to feel.

“You’re improving. It’s easy to forget why we’re at this sometimes,” he can hear a lift in her words and it’s one hell of a relief. The words themselves, really, have a particular effect on Ignis. He thinks that, just maybe, he should be a little bit angry over them. If they had been spoken before this moment, before this day or maybe a handful prior, he absolutely would have lashed out, would have made a point that it’s not particularly easy for him to forget. His moods have evened though, he’s begun- to some extent, at the very least- to find some acceptance. And, put simply, the words encourage him. The idea that he’s moving well enough, performing to a standard that she might briefly slip into a mindset where he’s entirely unhindered? That’s an idea Ignis almost has to smile at.

“I’m taking that as a compliment. Well worth a little scratch.”

“I didn’t intend that,” he thinks it must be a difficult confession for Aranea. She doesn’t do much of anything that she doesn’t intend. This is an apology, in the best way she can put one forward. He absolutely does smile at this and he catches her lips again, only briefly this time.

“I’m certain I can think of a way for you to make it up to me,” a tease, of course, but one that comes with him drawing an arm around her waist, drawing her a little bit closer. She makes a noise of feigned disgust, but she ducks her head in against his throat and he can feel the upward turn of her lips against him there.

I remember making a post some time ago about OCD and...

I've finally gotten around to typing up this symptom list with some details. First and foremost, I may list some obsessions and compulsions I used to have and carry out and I will list those that have been with me forever. The most specific ritual thing at the earliest I can remember, I must have been about 5 years old. I don't remember watching a film that gave me an idea or even anyone planting the idea in my head. My sister and cousin were hanging out (I dunno why I'm putting this here lol) and I was up in their business. They were talking about weird people they knew. Anyway, I guess it freaked me out on my way to the bathroom (which was like 20 feet away from where they were hanging out) and when I sat down to pee, I pulled back the shower curtain almost without thought. I was so proud that I had done this totally brilliant thing to ward off the weirdos... and it's been with me for almost 20 years. I've tried going to the bathroom with the curtain closed and I'll just repeatedly check behind it. At this point, it's easier to just keep the thing open. A few years ago I developed this habit while IN the shower. I will look out just to *make sure.* Also, I know I've posted about the trichotillomania before, which was also something I experienced when I was young and I shamed myself out of it from like the 6th to the 9th grade, doing it only sparingly because I was 99.99% sure that someone would pick up on it and harass me over it and I'd be the freak forever. It's a daily thing for me now. Sometimes stress makes me do it more, but a lot of times it's automatic and I just *do* it without even thinking. I've also developed a skin picking problem as of probably 3 years ago and just learned to deal with it for a while until the end of 2016 when I started working a second job. Sometimes I'd pick my scalp until it would bleed. I've definitely kept my foot off the pedal lately, but I'm still picking. ***We'll get to the list after I say this*** In 2012, I got super fucking sick and it scared me SO fucking bad that I refuse to be around sick people, especially the person that gave it to me (and kids.) Christmas this year was really difficult because my nephews had been sick and I didn't want to be anywhere near them. I ran in circles about the whole situation and even told my mom I was considering buying face masks for this occassion... which was apparently the wrong idea because my mom literally laughs at everyone else's anguish and I'm sick of talking to her about issues tbh because she's always been total shit about it. I eventually calmed down when I found out it was a sinus infection and my brother's girlfriend made him sound sicker on FB than what he really was (I want to strangle her for the shit sometimes... she's JUST like my mom. Everything is ten times worse than what it is, she wants sympathy all the time and then I freak the fuck out because I think I'm going to get some bad virus that's going to incapacitate me for days.)*** 1. Fear of bodily waste and secretions (though I try to rationalize and say they're unfounded... I can't agree with that 'logic.' They are gross...) 2. Concerns about sticky substances and residue. 3. Need to align objects just so. 4. Sexual thoughts that one views as unacceptable/inappropriate. I'm going to go into this one for two reasons, the first reason is because sometimes the fear of child molestation is symptomatic of OCD, and I am super confident that I'm not going to harm any children. The second reason is because my boyfriend is going to read this and think I'm talking about gay porn or something. I'm not entirely certain how many people envision others naked or what their sex lives are like, but I tend to do that. I don't deem homosexuality unacceptable which is why I don't want to include it even if those thoughts arise. Sometimes I will hear things about some sexual deviant and imagine it, sometimes I'm appauled by it. Not so sure how much I should have included this point because I'm not sure how normal it is to do this. 5. Repeating activities. I'll including 'checking' in with this. I check the door multiple times. I'm glad most rooms I need to access go past the door and that I can just look down at the bottom of the steps to accomplish this. I also fear ever having multiple doors in a home because I know I'll have to keep up with them. I've always been repetitive, ESPECIALLY at video games. I have played against bosses before in games and either allowed myself to die or dragged a game on longer than it needed because I felt the need to just keep doing it. I used to have 4 games total that I'd keep going over the same parts and doing the same things over and over, never progressing or I'd beat the game and go right back to play it again. I play the Sims rather often and even then, I can never finish a game for a multitude of different reasons. I believe this may be why my favorite games are puzzle-related like Tetris, Dr. Mario, etc. 6. Rewording, rewriting and re-reading. I handle the work e-mails from time to time and let me tell you... I could not be a more annoying cunt about it. Yes, I understand that to some extent, being careful and proof-reading are totally acceptable... but maybe not to the extent that I carry on. My boyfriend types and re-reads an e-mail then sends it. I re-read their e-mail, I type up my reply, proof read it. Change something. Proof read it again and the unnecessary process just goes on and on until I'm happy with what I've got. I also take FOREVER to read books (I'm not an idiot, I'm good at reading...) because I get stuck on sentences and continously read them over and over. If your book has a typo, it's even worse. 7. Intrusive, violent thoughts of others harming others, others harming me, and me harming others. 8. Food rituals like not letting foods touch and being a childish prick when they do or pretending I'm *totally stuffed and just cannot handle anymore* This is why my jerk ass INSISTS on fixing my own plate. 9. The old "even numbers are good and odds are bad!" 10. Dishes can never be clean enough, dish inspection before using them like my fucking life depends on it. I'll even run my fingers across a plate before eating off of it just to be sure. This also makes it uncomfortable to eat at other people's homes as I don't want to look like an asshole. 11. Need for symmetry. This includes becoming angry when people have facial piercings all over the place. Eyebrow pierced to the left, nostril pierced to the right, etc. 12. "Hoarding" useless objects. This is less of an issue to me than it used to be. I have to talk myself up before I throw certain things away, but I've at least worked on this especially after seeing my grandmother's hoarding and how she REFUSED AND YELLED AT PEOPLE over her pile of Sunny D jugs she was DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITH. I'm not the cleanest person, but hoarding does bother me, even if I do it mildly. 13. Blinking/staring rituals. I wish I could explain this in a way that didn't sound totally dumb. It goes beyond having a lash in your eye. Sometimes my eyes don't feel like they (I hear you groaning out there because I'mma say it...) like they're open at the same level and sometimes squinting and then trying to open my eyes as wide as possible and vibrating them is the only thing I can do to fix it (but it really doesn't. My fix? Wipe around them with anti-bacterial wipes or use eye drops. One eye always seems to be err...oily? and the other always seems dry and fucking closed!) I also have eye issues, so wearing glasses is a total pain because I HAVE TO CLEAN THEM 234436236 TIMES A DAY. If I engage in ANY physical activity, the number is much higher. If there's a smudge or streaks on my glasses, life will not continue, sorry. 14. Touch/tap/rub. I have to touch things (so long as they're not slimy or wet... unless it's the shark I touched at Ripley's Aquarium...) My cat is the biggest victim... her fur is so soft I just keep doing it until she runs off or starts trying to eat me alive. The tapping is more recent, but I do it with my thumb and middle finger and only on the left hand (also on my keyboard because the sound it makes when you gently tap the keys...) Also I just generally have a lot of issues with my hands and I do weird stretches with them? 15. Also I have weird toilet rituals that I'm not getting into on here. 16. Closet door in the bedroom must be checked and shut at night. I'm also the most difficult person when it comes to getting into bed comfortably. There's just so much. I'm constantly worried about fires, floods, tropical storms, tornados, blizzards, burglary, murder, being mugged, car accidents, any other transport accidents, I've thought about driving my car into off the road and face first into a hill on the interstate (in all fairness, it could have been the depression running rampant in me at the time,) I've worried that I was going to grab some rando's ass in the store because he was bent over (and I totally wouldn't even do shit like that to ANYONE, but it scared me to even think I could do it...) I hate vacations because I hate worrying about my pets and whether or not they're being baby-sat or whether or not someone in my building is going to burn the fucking place down while I'm gone. ughhh. Not even a complete list, just all I felt like writing out right now.