(via "I Am That Freaky Goth Boyfriend" Active T-Shirt for Sale by CreepyCornerArt)

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Okay So

- Hazel and Nico will each give the other the bigger half when splitting food

- Hazel and Nico often shared a bed on the argo ii

- Bianca was goth first

- All of them have freaky good vision in the dark

-Hazel forgets to blink or breathe sometimes, and often creeps people out. Either her body is used to being dead or she got a new one on being resurrected but her mind hasn't caught up yet. Both creepy options. Scary Hazel Rights.

- she also needs a heavy weight on top of her her be able to sleep. She doesn't like this about herself.

- Nico has ringbinders full of mythomagic cards which he reorganises by a new theme every morning. He also has metaphorical binders full of autism.

- I was gonna put a Maria one here but I could go on about Maria di Angelo for a decade and not be done

- Hazel like my little pony and strawberry shortcake

- Hazel draws a lot of fanart

- Nico has his own special set of black scrubs for helping in the infirmary

- Nico knits (mostly socks), Will crochets (mostly blankets). They both learnt from their mothers.

- Will and Nico go vintage shopping together. Nico likes collecting vintage toys.

- Nico refers to himself as "a homosexual" exclusively I don't care that canon says otherwise canon lied

- Will breeds maggots and leeches for uuuhhh.... medical purposes....

- Nico styles his hair deliberately in a bats nest. Hazel doesn't know that this is deliberate and thinks he is just scruffy.

- Hazel plucks Nico's monobrow realtrue canon feature as an experiment. Will cried seeing his boyfriend with 2 (two!!) Eyebrows.

- the only person will has acted jealous around is pranjal. Nico isn't sure if it's the boyfriend kind of jealousy or some weird healer envy (it's both)

There's probably more knocking about in between my skull and my one brain cell but I am a sleepy boy \(°○°)/

THESE ARE AMAZING i'm so here for scary hazel. i always hated the whole "nico is creepy and deathly while hazel is warm and soft" thing like....hazel is literally an undead child of pluto let her be creepy too?!?! i love the hc that she forgets to breathe and blink. sooo good

also yessss i also hc that children of hades/pluto can see in the dark

will would absolutely 100% acquire goth black scrubs for nico. hed give them to nico as a gift and nico would hold back tears cus he loves them so much

also the idea that nico deliberately styles his hair to look Like That is so accurate and such a 15 year old emo kid thing to do. i feel so seen rn. skjdhfkj will seeing nico with two eyebrows and like gently touching the plucked part like "who hurt you"

❛ FOR THE HYDE THING ? ❜ he says it so casually , as if his entire life hadn't been at stake with her accusations . ❛ ya know , in retrospect , i got off pretty easy compared to tyler . tasers &* torture tools , huh ? ALWAYS FIGURED YOU HAD SOME FREAKY TORTURE KINK . goth girls always do . ❜ it's all said playfully as he leans against the banister overlooking the lobby of the school .

a sigh escapes him before he pushes off of it to face her . ❛ i think i should thank you , in some weird way . MY FATHER ACTUALLY SPOKE TO ME ; first time in . . . way too long . &* you actually got that asshole tyler behind bars . i always knew there was something off about him ------ not just in the usual bully way . ❜ shoulders rise &* fall as his hands slip into his jacket pockets . ❛ sorry your boyfriend turned out to be a serial killer ; bummer . though i am kinda surprised that's not your thing . ❜ wry grin as head tilts , then he laughs gently &* shakes his head . ❛ if you ever need someone to talk to . . . i'm one call away , okay ? ❜ hands slide out of his jacket &* are held up in defense as he grins that playful , half smirk smile . ❛ I'LL STOP BEING MUSHY . just saying . you have a friend , @poaetise. ❜

Frenchmen keep hitting on me at memorials, funerals and/or when I’m out directly with my family. Normal men get the message i’m spooky & not interested nor catering to them yet something about being a man francais erodes common sense....

Why?

Ectober Day 22: Lose - Keen Of The Green Chap.2: Hack Up A Ghost Or Two

Kwan’s always been the kinda guy too clean up others messes, you could say he was the teams mother hen, but this was kinda ridiculous. But at least he wasn’t cleaning up after his teammates for once.

Casper High was much more used to Danny and his general.. weird, now. To the point that people would give him random ghosts -usually plants, Whisps, or Blob ghosts- they found. Or if they were getting chased by or spotted a ghost people actually ran to him. The real surprise and improvement was that the teen wouldn’t run away from ghosts now, which everyone was in agreement he had been doing to try to ‘hunt’ the ghost in private, and would actually just eat what people brought him like it wasn’t as absolutely weird and messed up as it was.

Though seeing the switch flip in him between random Highschool senior loser to predator, if someone did manage to lead a ghost to the teen, was freaky and even rather scary. Some folks watched purely out of morbid curiosity others in some odd attempt to be supportive of the local monster. His friends were the only ones who seemed genuinely unphased. Which did make some wonder just how long this had gone on for, if the boy was born like this, or the really unpleasant thought that his parents messed him up.

He didn’t like that stuff being questioned though so no one did. They just treated him like they had before excluding the, probably odd and messed up to anyone outside of Amity, support of his oddness.

No matter how used to this they were though, Kwan was honestly not prepared to walk into Fenton throwing up chunks of a ghost into the school toilets.

Kwan blinks and opens and closes his mouth a few times before finding something to say after opening the -unlocked, what was Fenton thinking?- bathroom stall door. “Ate too much or something? And Fenton, for future reference, for the love of everything, lock the door”. Fenton predictably flips him off over his shoulder while hacking some more.

Kwan sighs, muttering, “why am I always the one to walk in on this stuff”, and walks over to the teen. Kneeling down and rubbing Fenton’s back like he does for his bros when they drink way too much. At least he made it to the bathroom. That was something. Todd literally never did. It was to the point he was banned from drinking heavily at anyone’s house other than his own.

Fenton grumbles, “you-”, hack, “-just have really bad luck”.

Kwan nods, agreeing that might be accurate, “well I’m not sure if this should be more or less embarrassing for you or me”.

Fenton makes a few gagging noises, “too sick to-”, hack, “-be embarrassed”. Which again, Kwan will admit is fair. Vomiting into a toilet, especially a public one, was always embarrassing but no one really thought about that in the moment. Especially if he couldn’t even be bothered to lock the bloody door.

After a bit Fenton sits back on his heels, arms on his knees, and looks to Kwan, “ugh, probably gonna get sick a bit more before it’s outta my system”. Kwan gives him a probably rather pained cringy smile at that, though noting how the whites of the smaller teens' eyes were pale green; which he doesn’t think has been something anyone has seen before. Maybe Fenton was actually sick? “Getting what out of your system?”.

Fenton rubs the back of his hand over his mouth, scowling down at the green smeared there, before actually answering, “ah. Well”, readjusting and shaking his head while mumbling something about him probably deserving some answers for this shit. Which while Kwan doesn’t actually think is the case, he still would like to know. Finding out things about Fenton has become kinda a fun game. So he keeps his mouth shut and lets Fenton continue, “so I had -let’s call it ‘breakfast’- things didn’t smell right but I’ve barely had any sleep and do I really care? No. I’ve drunk rotten milk before. But now I’m pretty well positive someone went and ecto-poisoned the NeverWoods or something”.

Kwan blinks, well that was a dick move. Sure the NeverWoods produced a lot of ghost plants and the Whisps and shit but that was cool and the things were cute. He even had one of the little blob guys as a pet, Fenton had nonchalantly given him food for the little guy. Which was weird ‘cause he had been nervous the odd teen would try to eat his pet or something when he found out. Like how some people ate rabbits and horses. Shaking his head a little, “so... so this is more, uh, food poisoning than anything else?”. Fenton shrugs but holds up a finger and leans back over the toilet; promptly throwing up again. Fenton grumbling after hacking a bit, “I’ll be fine”.

Kwan believes that, when is Fenton ever not okay? “Eh, this is as good an excuse as any to skip health”. Fenton chuckles a little, “your fault for putting it off ‘till senior year”. Kwan just shrugs and gives an agreeing, “yeah”, but hey, at least it was easy.

Kwan speaks up again as Fenton’s just been leaning over the toilet hacking and make other sounds the jock was more used to hearing late at night than mid-morning, “I'm guessing that whatever was done to the woods ain’t good for all the ecto there?”.

Fenton hacks a bit more, “no man, obviously”, spits into the toilet bowl and turns to look at him, “if I can’t handle it in my system then they certainly can’t”. Kwan frowns, “well damn”, speaking back up at Fenton rolling his eyes and turning back to the toilet, “so... what we gonna do about it? I take it goth girlfriend isn’t going to take that lying down, especially with you hacking into a gross ass toilet over it”, making a point to chuckle, “though hunter girlfriend might approve of it”. Pretty well everyone called those three friends of his his girlfriends and boyfriend, largely because it was funny. Fenton predictably moves his arm back to shove him over. Him banging the stall door open as a result and just letting himself land on the ground -kid was strong alright?- just as Dash and Dale come in.

“There you are man! We’ve been looking- hey is that Fenton?”. Said teen just groans, it sounds more out of annoyance than sickness though, even if he does throw up again.

Dale chuckles, “well looks like someone’s losing their lunch, or breakfast really. Or did he just spend the whole night drinking”, and smirks.

Kwan gets up and closes the stall door to give the kid some privacy. “More like got second-hand poisoning. Someone went and poisoned the NeverWoods or something like that”. Both other jocks scowl immediately. Dash snapping, “oh that is so not cool”. Dale nodding in agreement, “we should pummel whoever”.

That gets a chuckle from inside the stall, “I’d place my bets on the G.I.W., my folks ain’t the type”, followed by more hacking and spitting sounds, “and Val knows better”. They all know that what he means by that is that she wouldn’t go poisoning a place she knows is something of a ‘hunting ground’ for her friend. That girl hated ghosts a lot but not enough to go getting a living person -humanity questionable or not- sick. And his parents really were the more ‘shoot their heads off’ type. Kwan hums, “see now this sounds like a good excuse to go ransack their compound”. Dash and Dale immediately grin meanly, “oh Hell yeah. we’ve been waiting for an excuse to do that”, which as true. The whole town hated those men. For a lot of reasons. Everything from blowing up buildings to murder attempts to trying to tax them for the ghost problem; plus, the town all agreed they were way too violent with ghosts. Even Valerie/Red did.

Fenton grumbles, “this town is insane”.

Dash rolls his eyes, “says the guy who eats ghosts”.

“The fact that none of y’all even-”, hack, “-treat me weird over that now is part of the insanity”.

All three boys make waving off motions at the door, “eh, we love and support our local monster”.

“Then why do you still shit-kick me?”.

Dash smirks, “got an image and norm to maintain. Highschool hierarchy to uphold, Fenton”. They all hear the teen grumble back, “you know normally, sheep don’t go around poking wolves”. They decidedly ignore the low-key sorta implied threat of him eating them; everyone knew by now that the kid wouldn’t actually do that. Alpha predator or not. Even if he probably could.

They can hear him flush and get up, opening the stall door seconds later. His face looked practically flushed a kinda sickly green, he glares at them anyway, “if you’re really gonna do that then you have my full support and involvement”. That makes the three jocks grin and cheer. And all it takes to get Fenton’s three friends in on it was dragging Fenton over to them and blurting out that the G.I.W. poisoned him. Which they oddly seemed less surprised and more just fed up about.

Survey #340

“wash the poison from off my skin  /  show me how to be whole again”

What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have this oddly specific memory of bringing my little Snorlax plushie for one in pre-k. I remember thinking everyone thought I was weird for liking Pokemon as a girl. Do you remember losing your first tooth? I don't. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I think I was addicted to World of Warcraft at a point, but it's honestly hard to tell. My depression was just so abysmal that it was the one thing I got even a smidge of not even joy, but active distraction out of because the options of what you can do in the game are essentially limitless. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it does make me jump because I don't like loud noises. Name one person you’d like to see this month. Bitch we fighting Covid, stay away from me. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don’t know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? They're nearly tied, honestly, but I prefer the original. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I KNOW my maternal grandmother didn't, and I don't believe any other grandparent did, either. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? Not since I was a kid. What do you usually buy when you go to the corner store? You mean like, a gas station or dollar store? Something small like that? In that case, I'll usually look for a Mountain Dew Voltage sometimes along with something Reese's-related. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, absofuckinglutely. He so obviously loves me. I know my snake doesn't though, considering reptilian brains just physically aren't capable of creating that emotion. She does, however, obviously trust me and definitely seems to enjoy coming out of her terrarium and thus hanging out by me. Bubbles or sidewalk chalk? I loved drawing with chalk, but I like bubbles more. I just love how they catch light and have such beautiful colors to share. What do you use to tell time when your gone out somewhere? My phone. Are you proud of your body? FUCK no. I wish I still was, goddammit. I used to be so fit, and it's funny, because even back then at like, 118 lbs at 5'4'', I thought I was kinda chubby. Like bitch shut the fuck up. Watermelon or cherries? I honestly don't like either, but I'll definitely pick watermelon over cherries. They're disgusting. What is your all-time favourite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Biiiiiitch guess lmao. I think everyone has, though. What is the band you’ve listened to most lately? Definitely 3TEETH. Love 'em. Favourite brand of cookies? Hm, good question. They've gotta be good at making SOFT chocolate chip cookies, though. I don't enjoy crunchy cookies nearly as much. If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be? I don't really know. Oh, y'know, chatting with Edgar Allan Poe would probably be cool. Do you pay for your own things? I literally can't. It's embarrassing. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? No. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Certain sexual things I've done, probably. When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Of course. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? I felt that way in my friendship with Colleen, but no romantic relationships. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape. Like no, go to hell. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Pre-Covid, yeah. What do you dislike the most about being the gender that you are? Probably how heavily judged women are for having ANYTHING "wrong" with their appearance. You could be five pounds over what is "normal" for your height and you're seen as fat. One strand of body hair, and you're disgusting. Bushy eyebrows, you're now manly. I could go on and on. Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? Yes. Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? 10. Do you enjoy tanning? Ugh, no. Just sitting there doing nothing but sweating. Have you ever written anybody an anonymous note? I have not. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah; we used to have one. It was the best when we lived in the woods. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? I just let it air dry. Candles or incense? I prefer incense. Can you juggle? No. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Do you catch lizards? No; I don't like terrifying wildlife. I'd much rather just take pictures of the little guys and let them go about their business. If we returned to a world without internet, what aspect of online life would you miss the most? YouTube, haha. It's more unique and personal entertainment than television, imo. Are you craving anything aside from food, and if so, what? I want a new piercinggggg. What was the last change you made to your lifestyle? I'm *trying* to get back into regularly making art, along with reading. I'm also really trying to implement drinking more water into my day. What was the last thing you gave up doing? *shrug* What was the last thing to boost your self-esteem? What sort of things typically make you feel good about yourself? It really, really helped to hear my PHP group enjoy my poem about gay rights so much. I was so terrified and did NOT want my therapist to share it, but it turned out being very beneficial. To answer the second question, it's pretty much stuff like I just mentioned: positive reactions to things I create. When it comes to food, do you prefer crunchy or softer textures? Definitely softer. Do you prefer savory or sweet things for breakfast? Hm. Depends on the day, ig. What is something small that you take extremely personally? I'm blanking. What was going on the last time you couldn’t sleep? I just... couldn't sleep. That's not rare for me. Have you drawn anything recently? I recently drew a picture of a still from Rammstein's "Mutter" music video, and I'm now working on Sara's 'kat Alucard. If you're going somewhere close by, do you walk? No. One simply does not walk in this town and not fear being shot. Do you prefer colorful notebooks over plain ones? I like colorful ones, particularly those with a nice pattern or something on it. What's your most ambitious goal? I'd consider wanting to be a successful freelance photographer to be rather ambitious. Do you know anyone named Alex? Well, knew, by this point. One of my closest online friends that just got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the planet when we used to talk every day. I'm still hurt about it, honestly. What's your favorite kind of pie? I don't like pie because of the crust being so, well... crusty and crumbly. Have you ever chatted someone up and scored a date? No. How far would you go with someone you just met? Not very far at all. All you're getting is a hug, if even that. What's your favorite meal to have for dinner? I mean, it depends on what I feel like having. I don't have a set favorite meal. What do you daydream about? The future, mostly. People I miss. Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? Yes, Sara. <3 We met via YouTube back when it had much more social connection. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, a good number of times. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I don't believe I've been ill in any sort of way since I had that ungodly ear infection a few years ago. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, Colleen's house. Mom once tried kicking me out of the car one night otw home, but I didn't listen. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. How many siblings do your parents have? Mom has two brothers and I think one sister, and Dad has one sister. Who last held your hand? My niece or nephew, dragging me somewhere, haha. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? No, not interested. What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I'm watching John Wolfe's playthrough of Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. It's so funny how like... every let's player I watch doesn't enjoy the game, like they miss the incredible symbolism and shy away from the advanced language, and sometimes it's just frustrating to watch them; I only do because I enjoy the game and want to see more people experience it and relive it vicariously. It's very high on my list of favorite games. What sport do you find yourself best at? I wouldn't know; I haven't played any sports in years. I was pretty good at softball as a kid, though. Do you think makeup on guys is freaky or sexy? My opinion shouldn't matter; a man can wear makeup whenever he damn well pleases without worrying what others think. But anyway, I tend to find it attractive, especially if it's goth makeup. Have you ever been accused of a crime you did not commit? No. Do you like pickles? I love dill pickles. What was the craziest moment of your life? Probably just lying in that hospital bed following my OD, my mom and two best friends just sitting there with me. It was such a weird, weird feeling. Like I was just so done, frustrated beyond what I can say. I remember thinking it was almost funny, just how it all built up and went wrong. Where do you spend most of your time? In my room on my bed. What is your favorite muffin? Chocolate chip. Would you ever get a boob job? I already know when/if I lose the weight I want to, it will be kind of a big deal to me and my atrocious body image to get a breast lift. Being overweight ~does things~ you know, and god knows I want every trace of it that can be erased gone. Would you ever go on a reality TV dating show? That's a massive "no" from me, buddy. Would you rather be inside or outside? It depends on where I am and the temperature outside, but generally, inside. Do you like the current president? Well, I voted for him, so I can't shit-talk much. I don't know the true depths of him as a person and all he stands for, though; when I decided I needed to vote, I just did some research on his core values. I don't have any complaints yet, from what I've seen at least, which isn't a lot. Do you whiten your teeth? I've used whitening strips before, but I don't now because they're not that effective. If it's financially plausible at some point in my life, teeth whitening is another thing I want to have medically done because of my previous horrible self-care. My teeth have a clear yellow tint and I hate it. Do you get cold easily? No; it's actually the opposite: I get hot easily. What was the worst sickness you ever had? Probably this one stomach bug I had where I just threw up relentlessly. Like eventually barely even bile would come up; it was just dry heaving. My stomach muscles were in agony. Was your childhood wasted by something? No, thankfully. Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? A normal person. The idea of having such a sudden death stresses me out for multiple reasons; I mostly don't want my family to just be suddenly devastated, and I honestly want to come to peace with the fact I was dying. Like, find my life's own closure instead of just having it ripped away. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Jesus, I sure hope not. Do you have a gag reflex? A very strong one. Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? I've wondered before what the effects of weed would be like for me, but "fantasize" is definitely the wrong word. Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? It'd be up to my partner, honestly, because I'm fine with either. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I never did dares because I thought they were stupid. Like I'm not gonna do dumb shit just to show you I can. Do you know anyone who has been raped? I think I might? Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Yeah. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones are just big and clunky and in the way when you use a laptop in bed, plus they irritate my skin. I like how earbuds actually go in your ears for more direct hearing. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? If I wanted children, no, because I don't think I'm capable to give a child like that adequate care, being so mentally ill myself. I wouldn't want to risk worsening their condition. Favorite thing to do with a significant other? Play games together, particularly cute multiplayer ones that are more about the experience of playing together versus getting past difficult obstacles and such. Like for example, one of my favorite memories with Jason is simply playing Little Big Planet together. Favorite ice cream topping? I don't like many toppings on my ice cream, but I do love melted hot fudge. First boyfriend/girlfriend’s name? Aaron. Do you support PETA? Considering they are incredibly self-righteous extremists, no. Do you believe in the Big Bang Theory? Well, I believe in some sort of "god" figure that created the universe, so I don't think so. A condensed ball of nothing exploding to create something so extravagant? It sounds pretty far-fetched to me. But then again, maybe that semblance of a "god" I believe in created the universe through that, idk. It doesn't really matter now, though, does it. What happened happened, I'm not very concerned with it. What insect can you not stand the site of? It's more so larvae that I can't stand the sight of, like maggots and stuff. They make me squirm. Do you like Doctor Who? I've only seen one or two episodes, so I can't say. Do you approve of gay marriage? Of course I do. I'm bisexual and would like to get married, so I might marry a woman. Are you into politics? I'm really not. Do you think the world is ending soon? Nah, even though it sure does feel like it sometimes. Ever been to a mosh pit? No, they don't seem very fun at all. Do you like to debate? NO. NO NO NO. Do you like the band System of a Down? Yeah, I do. Are you German? It's a big part of my heritage. Do your parents like your best friend? Yes. Who’s someone you can act your complete self around? Sara, 100%. She's the only person I feel entirely comfortable around when it comes to being myself. Do you believe in Friday the 13th? I don't believe in there being any supernatural power to it, no. Who is your favorite rapper? Eminem. What age is your youngest aunt? Uhhhh I have no idea. Do you like bowling? Sure, it's fun. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? I do. What shows or characters scared you as a child? Ghostface from the Scream series was my worst fucking nightmare. I couldn't even see pictures of him without crying. The King Ramses guy from Courage the Cowardly Dog also gave me a number of nightmares. Something about the way he was animated was very unnatural and unnerving to me.

BnHA Chapter 210: Put-Downs, Poltergeists, and Plot Twists

Previously on BnHA: Bakugou’s team defeated class B in record time. Everyone praised them for their flawless performance, and All Might told Bakugou he got chills watching him and Bakugou got super embarrassed and mumbled something and walked off and it was in my Top 10 Cutest BnHA Moments and I love it. Then Deku came along to shower some more praise on him and the two of them went back and forth all “I’m gonna surpass you!” “no, I’m gonna surpass you!” for a little bit and that was really cute as well. Monoma took Tokage’s loss in stride and hashed out a strategy with his team that mostly consists of “take out Deku no matter what.” Deku, meanwhile, was all fired up after his talk with Kacchan, and confidently told his team they would definitely win, and this boy is looking more and more like a hero with each passing day, no joke. Round 5 started up, and All Might got a call from Gran Torino, and then we cut to Tartarus, where the guards were bitching about how dangerous All for One is, and the man in question was sitting in his cell grinning because apparently he can “hear [his] little brother’s voice.” Uh, what the fuck.

Today on BnHA: Gran is all “oh yeah now that you mention it, Nana totally did tell me about some freaky OFA dream bullshit a while back.” Apparently in the dream, a mysterious man shrouded in fog told Nana that it wasn’t “that time. not yet.” Meanwhile Deku full cowls his way through the stage on the lookout for Shinsou. Instead he finds Monoma, who activates his secondary quirk, Antagonize no Jutsu, presumably in hopes of getting Deku to respond so that he can ensnare him with the brainwashing quirk. But Deku is a smart cookie and keeps his mouth shut, even when he hears a scream that sounds like it might have come from Ochako. It didn’t, of course, but in fairness Ochako, Mina, and Mineta are being attacked by Yanagi, Kodai, and Shouda, who have combined their quirks to fling heavy objects at them all. But anyways, so Monoma is all “btw can we talk about how Bakugou destroyed the Symbol of Peace, though,” which, wow, and that does piss Deku off enough to fire an Air Gun attack at him! Or at least that’s what he intends to do. Instead what happens is... well. Something different. Seems like it might finally be That Time, now.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 224, so any ETAs will reflect that.) 

so we’re opening with All Might standing off to the side and trying to tell Gran to call him back later because he’s in the middle of class

but Gran is just immediately launching into conversation about how Shimura did in fact once tell him something about “a One for All dream” omg

and All Might is all “and you’re only just telling me this now!?”

and Gran says he didn’t remember until All Might asked him about it

his excuse is that he’s old. whatever, Gran!

“so listen up, but don’t expect much”

listen mister, I’ll expect as much as I damn well please. my plot-spoiled self knows full well that in this case there is a hell of a lot to expect! and I for one am fucking excited about it!

so now we’re cutting back to Team Deku and our boy is sprinting along while the flashback dialogue bubbles recount his strategy

oh shit hold up

...so it occurs to me again that that’s exactly what triggered his first One for All: Avatar State experience to begin with though, way back when. Shinsou brainwashed him and then the Ghosts of One for Alls Past appeared for the first time and activated OFA without him being aware of it -- very much like what happened the night right before this training exercise

and now here he is fresh from that weird dream and possibly about to be brainwashed for a second time. is this really a coincidence? seeing as I’m reading a fucking manga, I’m gonna go ahead and say hell no

shit now I’m even more excited

so Iida is observing that Team Deku’s formation looks similar to Team Bakugou’s, and Sero says that’s not a surprise since they’re similarly balanced. true that

but he’s pointing out that they don’t have a Jirou -- someone who can pinpoint the enemy’s location -- so they need to be more careful

yeah, especially since unlike Team Kacchan, they’re up against Shinsou who can take out their most powerful player in a second if he hits them unawares

anyways don’t mind me I’m just gonna post this part here

so Bakugou watching Deku without that characteristic over-the-top seething rage is still such a novel thing, though. him feeling threatened by Deku’s growth was really the key thing holding that relationship back. now that that’s no longer an issue, he’s observing this match with a surprisingly keen intensity

and what I love about this is that it’s exactly what he said he was gonna do back in chapter 121. he vowed that he would observe and absorb what he sees from others in the same way that Deku does in order to become stronger. he’s watching this match so intently because he wants to learn from Deku. do I even need to say how big of a deal that is and how far he’s come? just, wow

so Deku’s coming to a halt on one of the pipes and he’s silently pointing to something

okay so he’s putting his plan of “I’ll be a decoy” into action

seems like this is his way of compensating for his team not having a Jirou. if they can’t pinpoint class B’s location, they’ll just draw them out instead

now an oil drum is tumbling out from somewhere and it seems like it’s caught his attention

who’s Yanagi. lol I guess we’re about to see, what with the HERE IT COMES

OH SHIT

DEKU IF YOU THINK FOR A SECOND THAT’S HER... COME ON MAN, YOU’RE SMARTER THAN THIS

so he’s turning around and Monoma is there

don’t you dare fucking respond you little green bean. just kick him in the head and knock his ass out. this is a training exercise, you know Ochako’s not at any actual risk. and she can handle herself. these guys are gonna be banking on your heroic instincts in the same way the previous team was counting on Kacchan to be the same self-centered asshole he always was before. you guys are so fucking strong the only way they can beat you is by exploiting your mental weaknesses

oh snap Monoma’s holding up his pocketwatches. way back when his costume was first revealed I speculated that he might use them to time his quirk, so I guess we’ll see if that’s the case? I suppose they could also be support items and have some unexpected tricks to them

anyway he’s talking a lot, as usual

a clever person would also think “I’d better not respond to his baiting here since that’s obviously what he wants”

having said that, Monoma’s not wrong. that would be a good strategy for them to actually have. but I don’t think it’s their real strategy lol

ahh, good, Deku is being clever and cautious and knows better than to respond to him

lol so Deku just go KO him already! why are you keeping your distance?? you once said back at Kamino that you could make it from where you were standing to where Kacchan was in under a second with one leap using OFA. that’s fucking fast. you’re faster than the kid who basically fucking teleported in between Kamakiri and Jirou a couple chapters ago. just zoom over to Monoma and kick him in the head. come on. do it

jesus christ Monoma knows what his strengths are doesn’t he

he knows how to fuck with his opponent, I’ll give him that

so now Deku is finally leaping toward him like I said! about time

not sure if that’s actually the case, but he’s probably not too far off the mark, and I think he’s making the best possible move here given what he knows

uh oh

what is he doing

OH FUCK ME

OH FUCK NO MONOMA. YOU DID NOT JUST

WHAT THE HELL DUDE. IS YOUR SPECIALTY BELOW-THE-BELT ATTACKS OR WHAT?? COME ON OVER AND SAY THAT TO BAKUGOU’S FUCKING FACE WHY DON’T YOU. JESUS CHRIST THAT WAS LOW AS FUCK

and obviously he’s just trying to provoke Deku into responding still! but man, what a way to do it! you’ll resort to anything, huh??

do they have sound on those viewscreens, or just visual? I feel like it’s both, though I’m not gonna stop and go back and check right this second. anyways I’m just wondering if Kacchan heard that, since we know all too well he does feel personally responsible, and now here’s Monoma trying to poke at this recently-healed wound and reopen it again. and Dad Might is probably still on the phone with Gran. damn it Monoma you better not have sent him spiraling again. I will send you the therapy bills

(ETA: so yeah, they absolutely do have audio, it was confirmed in chapter 197. so Kacchan did indeed get to hear that, and everyone else heard it too, and it was probably super awkward, and probably would have been even more so had Deku’s arm not fucking exploded with his goth red vines quirk mere seconds later causing everyone to pretty much forget about anything else.

and by the way, can we just quickly touch on the fact that Hellboy later explains to Deku that “if you wield your power in anger, the power will respond accordingly”? in other words, Monoma pissed him off so much here that he went and activated a quirk he didn’t even know he had and it proceeded to go on a roaring rampage of revenge. so what have we learned today, kids? don’t insult the boyfriend, is what.)

anyway the good thing is Deku’s aiming his air gun at him and still isn’t responding, although he does look fucking furious and no wonder

now we’re cutting back to Team Float/Melt/Stick

and we’re confirming that the “kyaah” was indeed Shinsou which of course it fucking was. Ochako doesn’t KYAA, she ain’t no fucking damsel in distress

lol now I want to see it too

so Ochako’s reminding the others to look at each other’s faces when they talk

what have you been up to Mineta

holy shit a whole fucking lot got stuck to it. what the hell is this anyway

Mina’s protecting them all with a veil of acid, which is fucking badass. Mina I love you

and now we’re cutting to Shouda for a second and he’s watching them and says “they vanished”...?

ah!!!

IS THIS A TELEKINESIS QUIRK!? AT LONG LAST???

HOLY SHIT

THAT’S LIKE FUCKING COMPRESS’S QUIRK. WE’RE GOING FULL ANT-MAN UP IN THIS BITCH. HOLY SHIT CLASS B, IT’S JUST BADASS QUIRKS ALL THE WAY DOWN WITH YOU GUYS HUH

holy shit. I love both of these, but the size quirk especially. that’s so fucking good. I wish she was in class A now, ngl. so many potential applications of this

and how many quirks can Monoma handle at once? he had three pocket watches so I’m gonna go with three. so I’m assuming he took both of theirs along with Shinsou’s, since he was also floating small objects earlier

Ochako’s a good person to have against a quirk like this, though!

and now just smack them away again! take that

NOW WHAT

what the hell

sob omg

I would just like to point out that this was a WAAGH and not a KYAA though. for the record. even when they’re being attacked by rampaging thooming metal objects, class A does not KYAA. we die like men

so here are the deets!

telekinesis quirk confirmed yessssss. this is like a way upgraded version of Inko’s quirk. so glad we finally get to see a hero do this shit too

Kodai’s quirk is so badass and I love it. though it’s too bad she can’t shrink people too. lots of hijinks potential there. ah well

and Shouda’s quirk too!

ngl, I read this and I was like ‘what.’ I had to reread it several times and then go look him up in the wiki just to make sure I got it. this is one of those cases where a “for example” would have really come in handy. but anyways I think what this means is if someone hit a baseball, then he could recreate that impact in the same spot a second time, and not only that but the second impact would be stronger by several orders of magnitude. idk it’s weird and confusing

(ETA: seeing it in action later helped me understand the concept better, but I still for the life of me can’t explain it in words lol. super cool quirk though.)

anyway so even though all this crazy stuff is going on, neither team has actually come face to face with the other yet and they’re all still attacking each other from a distance, except for Deku and Monoma. so now Ochako’s wondering what happened to Deku

and now back to All Might! damn, Horikoshi, you sure know how to cut away from something just when it was getting good

so Gran says it’s probably not what All Might was looking for, but right around when Shimura first inherited One for All, he and her had a casual conversation whilst on patrol

NO, DEKU!!

WHY DID YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH DAMMIT

WHAT’S GOING ON OH MY GOD. ALL OF A SUDDEN ALL OF MY FAVES LOOK SHOCKED

oh I know this. “plaaaaay the best song in the world. or I’ll eat your souls.” so we played the first thing that came to our heads and it just so happened to be the best song in the world. it was the best song in the world

lol okay so let’s see why they all seem so shocked. IS IT THE SPOILER!?!?

IT’S NOT? OKAY? WHO ARE YOU??

(ETA: this is just the continuation of Gran’s story from the previous page, doy.)

WHAT THE FUCK

okay then! lol. well that explains the “wtf” expressions

so what exactly was Deku about to do that OFA took over and was like DEKU NO. were you going to fucking kill Monoma over insulting your boyfriend. is there some reason OFA lost its fucking shit and activated one of his secondary quirks for the very first (or second, I guess) time, right here and right now? or is the “it’s not that time” what the old man said in Shimura’s dream, and now with Deku it finally is that time?

oh my god. even knowing a little about what’s going on, I still really have no clue and I fucking love it. this is insanely cool and tbh the Joint Training arc is like #4 on my list now and will possibly be #3 by the time all is said and done. IMO this twist is cool and unexpected and will make future battles much less boring (because let’s be honest, Deku’s last couple of fights were really not all that dynamic. this is definitely going to help vary things up a bit), and I can’t wait to see how All Might and Kacchan react too omg

just. thumbs up from me

Chapter 1

Zoey is talking with her best friend Kayla by her locker when she notices a “dead guy”. This guy is apparently a Tracker, sent to mark teenagers as new vampires. We also get our first characteristic of Zoey when she complains about her “freakish inability to fit in”, despite the fact that her family lives comfortably and she is dating the star quarterback of the football team. Really not fitting in, huh? While seeing this guy close to her locker should make Zoey aware that she could be picked, all she does to talk to her friend Kayla about how her boyfriend went to a part without her and drinks a lot. The quote below shows how Zoey completely ignores how Heath, her boyfriend, is becoming an alcoholic and she is only concerned about how this affects her, i.e. his attractiveness.

"The point is that he was wasted for like the fifth time this week. I'm sorry, but I don't want to go out with a guy whose main focus in life has changed from trying to play college football to trying to chug a six-pack without puking. Not to mention the fact that he's going to get fat from all that beer." I had to pause to cough. I was feeling a little dizzy and forced myself to take slow, deep breaths when the coughing fit was over. Not that K-babble noticed. "Eww! Heath, fat! Not a visual I want." I managed to ignore another urge to cough. "And kissing him is like sucking on alcohol-soaked feet." K scrunched up her face. "Okay, sick. Too bad he's so hot."

I rolled my eyes, not bothering to try to hide my annoyance at her typical shallowness.

Zoey then reiterates how there is a dead guy by her locker, and that vampires in this world have crescent moon tattoos in the middle of their foreheads. He recites some poem, points at her, and she blacks out as she gets a crescent moon outline on her forehead, the mark of a fledgling, who could one day become a full vampire. Zoey wakes back up and finds Kayla freaking out like a reasonable person because someone she is close to basically just got handed a death sentence, as apparently the tattoo means that Zoey is going through the Change, which could kill her if she doesn’t get around full vampires immediately. You’d think the Tracker would hang around so that the fledglings actually had a chance to make it to the obligatory school. Zoey then gets mad at Kayla for getting emotional.

"Stop crying. You know I hate it when you cry." I reached out to attempt a comforting pat on her shoulders. And she automatically cringed, and moved away from me. I couldn't believe it. She actually cringed, like she was afraid of me. She must have seen the hurt in my eyes because she instantly started a string of breathless K- babble.

Yeah Zoey, your friend has an instinctual reaction to a stressful situation and you immediately start bitching. Not to mention that Zoey had already mentioned how people seem to have a backwards view of vampires, despite what we’ll see later.

"Oh, God, Zoey! What are you going to do? You can't go to that place. You can't be one of those things. This can't be happening! Who am I supposed to go to all of our football games with?" I noticed that all during her tirade she didn't once move any closer to me. I clamped down on the sick, hurt feeling inside that threatened to make me burst into tears. My eyes dried instantly. I was good at hiding tears. I should be; I'd had three years to get good at it.

Our first Mary Sue trait, our poor abused heroine who tries to be tough and not cry. Zoey then remarks about how she’s glad she got Marked inside because she didn’t want every one including her “Barbie-clone sister” to see her out by the buses. Zoey then gives us a big dump and makes it clear about why I hate her as a character.

There was only one other kid in the math hall--a tall thin dork with messed- up teeth, which I could, unfortunately, see too much of because he was standing there with his mouth flapping open staring at me like I'd just given birth to a litter of flying pigs. I coughed again, this time a really wet, disgusting cough. The dork made a squeaky little sound and scuttled down the hall to Mrs. Day's room clutching a flat board to his bony chest. Guess the chess club had changed its meeting time to Mondays after school. Do vampyres play chess? Were there vampyre dorks? How about Barbie-like vampyre cheerleaders? Did any vampyres play in the band? Were there vampyre Emos with their guy-wearing-girl's-pants weirdness and those awful bangs that cover half their faces? Or were they all those freaky Goth kids who didn't like to bathe much? Was I going to turn into a Goth kid? Or worse, an Emo? I didn't particularly like wearing black, at least not exclusively, and I wasn't feeling a sudden and unfortunate aversion to soap and water, nor did I have an obsessive desire to change my hairstyle and wear too much eyeliner.

Yeah, Zoey pretty much insults any group that she isn’t a part of. And it brings up how the Casts cannot seem to get past that fact that cliques are not in vogue anymore. When I was in high school, yeah you had some kids who sat together since they were in band or on the same team, but other people sat with them. It wasn’t clearly defined, and was malleable. What’s with the hate on the goths? Isn’t that one of your key demographics, the people who think Twilight isn’t dark enough for them? Zoey then sends Kayla way after her phone starts playing “Material Girl” as her ringtone, because why show her character when she can be accurately defined by a song title? Zoey angsts for a bit about how she has to go to “Vampire Finishing School”, which is the exact phrase that Cast’s agent used, and how all she wanted was to fit in at school since her home life sucks. Zoey decides to go to the bathroom and wait out the crowd outside, but stops to look through a window.

High-pitched girl giggles flitted to me from the parking lot. Great. Kathy Richter, the biggest ho in school, was pretending to smack Heath. Even from where I was standing it was obvious she thought hitting him was some kind of mating ritual. As usual, clueless Heath was just standing there grinning.

Thus begins the massive amounts of slut shaming in this book series. The Casts constantly promote this as some kind of feminist series, but anyone actually reading this can see that they are some of the biggest hypocrites I’ve ever seen. Kathy also gets no further descriptions and only appears for this one sentence. The Casts could have just had Kayla smiling at Heath and him smiling back and that would have worked better, planting some seeds of doubt about her friend, but no, we get a throw away character who solely exists to be slutty. Zoey doesn’t think about this, instead moving to the bathroom and talking about how she looks.

She had my eyes. They were the same hazel color that could never decide whether it wanted to be green or brown, but my eyes had never been that big and round. Or had they? She had my hair--long and straight and almost as dark as my grandma's had been before hers had begun to turn silver. The stranger had my high cheekbones, long, strong nose, and wide mouth--more features from my grandma and her Cherokee ancestors. But my face had never been that pale. I'd always been olive- ish, much darker skinned than anyone else in my family. But maybe it wasn't that my skin was suddenly so white...maybe it just looked pale in comparison to the dark blue outline of the crescent moon that was perfectly positioned in the middle of my forehead. Or maybe it was the horrid fluorescent lighting. I hoped it was the lighting. I stared at the exotic-looking tattoo. Mixed with my strong Cherokee features it seemed to brand me with a mark of wildness...as if I belonged to ancient times when the world was bigger...more barbaric. From this day on my life would never be the same. And for a moment--just an instant--I forgot about the horror of not belonging and felt a shocking burst of pleasure, while deep inside of me the blood of my grandmother's people rejoiced.

Yes, a character who is supposed to be part Native American just said that she looks more barbaric! How can a person’s mindset be so ass backwards that they write that? The other thing that bothers me is that Zoey says that she is the only person in her family with a darker complexion, despite the fact that her mother is half Cherokee. Even if Zoey’s grandma had a child with a white man, her child would have at least some Native American features. Not to mention the exotification and reducing Native American people to some kind of old fashioned magical people. Ugh, onto Chapter 2.

Nevermore by Kelly Craigh

Book: Nevermore

Author: Kelly Craigh

Publisher:  Atheneum Books for Young Readers

Release Date:   August 31st 2010

Format: Paperback

Pages: 543

Started Reading: March 22, 2019

Finished Reading: March 26, 2019

Summary (supplied from GoodReads):   Cheerleader Isobel Lanley is horrified when she is paired with Varen Nethers for an English project, which is due—so unfair—on the day of the rival game. Cold and aloof, sardonic and sharp-tongued, Varen makes it clear he’d rather not have anything to do with her either. But when Isobel discovers strange writing in his journal, she can’t help but give this enigmatic boy with the piercing eyes another look. Soon, Isobel finds herself making excuses to be with Varen. Steadily pulled away from her friends and her possessive boyfriend, Isobel ventures deeper and deeper into the dream world Varen has created through the pages of his notebook, a realm where the terrifying stories of Edgar Allan Poe come to life. As her world begins to unravel around her, Isobel discovers that dreams, like words, hold more power than she ever imagined, and that the most frightening realities are those of the mind. Now she must find a way to reach Varen before he is consumed by the shadows of his own nightmares. His life depends on it.

My Thoughts: Honestly, I had read this book back in 2012 from my local public library, but due to due dates I couldn’t finish it. I then purchased the books in time so that I could re-read them. But, obviously until recently I never had a chance. I would try to pick Nevermore up again, and for some reason always just after the ice cream shop scene. I think other stuff was just  distracting me.

Of course, I picked it up again and I refused to let anything distract me. I read through it with in 7 days due to work and the like. And, guess what...I didn’t really want to put it down. I would constantly be thinking that I wanted to read rather than go into work, but of course I need to work to pay my bills. 

Nevermore is the type of book that you really have to have patience with when you get about half-way through. Its not a bad thing...its just that the build of of stuff tends to wear you down and you get impatient. I found this with the other books too. Yet, its that build up that you need. So, that you can get more enjoyment out of the parts that you really are looking forward to. 

The characters I found were quite dynamic considering the story that was being told. Isobel is a cheerleader, but she’s not a bobble head like your mind would like to stereotype. And, and with that it brings me to her future love interest in the book. Varen Nethers, he’s a goth kid, and as you can now imagine when I mentioned sterotypes...that exactly what Isobel did...she stereotyped Varen when she was placed as his partner for an English project that they did on Poe. Over time she begins to find out more about Varen. It could partially be the fact that her actions catch him off guard because she wasn’t quite what he expected either. That ice cream shop scene that I mentioned earlier? One of my all time favourites when Isobel sticks up for him. It think that was the time that he really starting thinking that his stereotyping was wrong too.

One stereotype that I did see in background characters’ behaviours was that of Isobels old friends. The jocks acted really....what you think of a jock fromt he 90′s films and stories of when they bully those who they think are weaker than they are. 

When you enter Varen’s dream world with Isobel...another sterotype, but on the story this time. It was coocoo for coacoa puffs. But, thats what you expect from a story that involves Edgar Allen Poe elements, mystery, horror and a dash of YA.

Reynolds was quite the character through out the books. In the first book he was very much like a...not quite spirit guide...but you almost want to put him in that catagory because he was constantly helping Isobel? I guess you could say a “Dream Companion” though I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that before myself...but trust me when you read the books, you’ll see what I mean.

Gwen...you meet her about halfway through the first book...and honest to goodness I saw a good friend of mine in her. Not quite the same personality, but the sarcasticasm and always there for you drive I saw completely. I just recently go in touch with this friend again too, which I find a bit ironic in a hilarious way. Gwen is the type of friend that everyone really wants in their lives. She can playfully bicker with the main character’s love inerest. She can get under the friend’s parents nerves, and yet find her way back again. She’s there to help her friend get out of a tight spot, and put her life on the line  for each other. Yet, she’s also the friend that encourages you to jump out of your comfort zone a bit, so that you can improve yourself.

The setting through out the book I found was quite descriptive, that might be why I mentioned earlier that you really need to have patience with the books. There is foreshadowing, and you really do need to pay attention. It will most likely be explained by the end of the book, or well into the next one what something might have meant. By this point you kind of want to slap you head like you “should have had a V8″ for being so simple and not catching it. You, then reflect on something, and your hear begins to melt.

The end of the story? *claps to Kelly* You really did a good one. Quite the cliff hanger to make the reader come back for more. That’s exactly what I did. Though I must say with the second one I was a sucker for punishment. For the readers of the blog...you might get an explaination in the next review.

Verdict: I quite enjoyed this book. I found it delightful, mysterious, and intreguing all at the same time. The characters you actually want to hanging out with. Even though the Dream World is kind of freaky, you do want to go there and see what you see from your own mind at times. It was next to perfect in my minds eye, but I am trying to be a little bit more honest with my reviews, like I said when I started the blog. Soooooo...I dub this book....

Rating:  4.5 out of 5 stars.

My Feelings As An Agender/Genderless Person

Ever since I was little,I never felt like a boy,I never felt connected to my name,I didn't feel connected to my first name because it was my dad's name and he was kind of abusive, so I would go by my middle name,but it still didn't feel right,people gave me a nickname that sprouts from my middle name but I still didn't feel right. I have memories of a child of writing little notes or short letters saying that I wanted to change my name,I remember handing my grandma a little note asking her to call me Storm. When I was younger,I remember trying on one of my sister's dresses,I also remember watching my mom and sister do their nails and asking if I could do mine,and I would get so sad when they'd say it's "just for girls." I also remember having a toy of the jaguar/leopard from Tarzan, and I stole a nail polish from my mom and I painted the leopard's spots pink. When I was in preschool,my favorite thing to do was play dress up,I would either dress as Wonder Woman or as a fairy princess or as a princess or I'd just simply put on a dress. As I got older,my parents kept making me have short hair,almost buzz cut like,and I remember feeling super uncomfortable, I remember looking up to strong female characters like Raven from Teen Titans, and when I'd play video games with either my brother or cousins I would always pick a character that was either a girl or a monster,like in the Lego Star Wars game,I'd pick to be either Princess Leia or Chewbacca, and in this Lego Batman game I'd pick either Catwoman or Poison Ivy. I remember the Catwoman movie starring Halle Berry was my favorite movie when I was younger,I watched it so many times that the DVD got scratched to the point of not playing anymore. Then when I hit puberty is when my discomfort got worse,my voice was changing,my body was changing and I started growing new hair,I remember asking my parents to let me grow my hair out but they wouldn't let me. When I went to high school,in 9th grade I came out as gay,that brought me some comfort for a bit but I still felt out of place,I looked up to people like Jeffree Star because of how he blurred the lines of gender,he inspired me to play with gender myself,I would wear more feminine shirts,and leggings and my best friend even gave me a pair of heels. I'm lucky enough to have pretty androgynous features because even when I wasn't trying,some people had a hard time figuring out if I was a guy or a girl,which always made me happy. I also remember being drawn to Goth subculture not only because of the music and literature but also because the men were allowed to be feminine to some extent. Sadly my mom never let me get into that subculture because she was afraid I might get into some freaky shit. It wasn't until the middle of my senior year of high school when Caitlyn Jenner came out and the word "transgender" was brought out into the mainstream,that I started questioning my gender,I thought "maybe I was supposed to be a girl",I thought back to my past and remembered my girly childhood,I remembered my teen years and how I'd feel uncomfortable being called someone's "boyfriend",I remembered that when ever I would think about my future,I would view myself as a girl,or at least more feminine looking. So after I graduated,I came out as transgender and started going by the name Daphne,and tried living like a girl for a while,but the name Daphne still didn't feel right,so I eventually changed it to Ashley,but I still didn't feel right,it also didn't feel right when people would call me "she",so then I thought to myself "maybe I'm not a girl" but then right away I thought "well I know I'm not a boy",so I was very confused for a while about my gender, until I did some research online and found terns like "non binary" and "genderqueer" and "agender" and I smiled and felt happy because I found terms that expressed how I felt inside,I even found gender neutral pronouns like they,zie,and xe,and XE stood out to me the most(now it's an equal tie between xe/xem/xyr/xyrs/xemself and ze/zir/zer/zers/zirself). So now I am finally happy because I know have words that are able to describe how I have always felt. Non Binary/Genderqueer people aren't fake or pretending,we are real and we are valid!