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thepradapariah · 3 months

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Mars ☄️ and Your Sexxx Language 🐱💋✨

QUICK MESSAGE TO THE BADDIES

HELLO!!!! To all of my sweet, sweet Kosmic Baddies, Oh!! How I’ve missed you!

I cannot believe it’s been over a FRIGGIN year, but GOODNESS….believe me, when I say this past year has been a roller coaster for me, I truly mean it. I can only imagine what’s been going on in your lives as well. Just TOO MUCH!!!1111!!!!!111!!!!!1 But welcome to 2024! A universal 8 year and the year of the Dragon!!! WE IN THIS THANNNNGGG!!!! Hard work, discipline and accountability is the theme, and we can’t lose!!!!!

Believe it or not, I actually STARTED writing this to have to you for Halloween, but ummmm….this is looking like a Valentine’s Day post instead! HA!!!! Blame it on my Saturn in Pisces– my relationship to time is….non existent. But, I think this timing is better anyways. The theme is very fitting so we are going to turn apples into oranges.

***Even funnier update, now it’s past Valentine’s Day….GOODNESS!!! This has been the longest it’s taken me to write anything. Like…INSANE. Almost 6 months I’ve been steadily working on this!

Thank you to those who have continued to support me! Thank you to those who have continued to share and interact with my post through my…let’s say, hiatus! I am planning to put more energy and effort into this blog post. I LOVE writing for y’all, it is really one of my favorite things in the world.

I am going to take a moment to apologize in advance and say, the typos are probably going to be real with this one. Because I’ve been working on it for so long, I’m just ready to get it out, so it won’t be my cleanest work. I will probably be updating and editing, so bare with me!

🕯 INTRODUCTION 🕯

Sooooo….where to start? I wanted to do something fun and interesting this go round because I missed y’all so much, but I also wanted to do something light so I could get back into the rhythm of writing again….aaaaaaaaaand I thought you would enjoy something a little smexiiiii as we move into cuddle buddy season. So, in this post, we are going to talk about Mars and Your Sexxx language.

One day, as I was driving around town, it dawned on me that we always talk about Love Languages (check out my Mercury post if you haven’t already) and we never talk about sex languages. And y’all know me, and if you don’t know, you’ll soon find out, I am a Bharani moon (atmakaraka at that); and the blending between Mars and Venus is my soul’s most valuable asset to share with the world…(Did I mention my moon is the 11th House?) Sex is one of the most taboo topics (in Western puritan culture, at least), yet such a powerful resource in our human tool box and it’s ridiculously important in our relationships. The 7th House is followed by the 8th House for a reason. Intimacy, of course not always sexual, is what leads to self-discovery, the 9th House. So we cannot overlook the important step that is sexual relations. Even the word “orgasm” means “little death” and death baby, is as close as you get to God. (See how those houses flow together so well?) Hence why things such as Tantra are a sexual AND religious experience all in one. Don’t be fooled by western/christian ideals into thinking that sex is unholy or ungodly. If you think Jesus was a virgin, think again. I mean, what’s the point of turning water into wine if you’re just going to roll over and go to sleep? Y’know what I mean?

Don’t worry! If you’re a less experienced reader, and haven’t engaged in aaaaallll thhhaattt… this post is still for you! In fact, this is one of the reasons I love astrology so much, because hopefully this post will give you some context about yourself and what your SOUL craves, not just your body, so when you do start “doing the do” you can be spiritually comfortable with your wants and desires instead of ashamed or even afraid of them.

Not to put all my business on the street…but, hey, I love y’all, so I won’t keep too many secrets from you (mercury in the 8th, HA)…but, I had to do quite a bit of bumping and grinding to discover what my soul needs in an intimate relationship and I wish there was more of “guide” for me on that journey! So HERE…I’m giving it to you!

WHAT IS A SEX LANGUAGE? 😈

To be completely honest, a “sex language” isn’t something as defined as a love language, so please, bear with me as we discover this together. Please feel free to share any experiences or insight with me. Although I may not always respond, I TRULY appreciate you taking the time to share with me. I try to read everything that I can!

I’m defining sex language as how one creates and shares intimacy in their close relationships. This is particularly expressed through physical interactions and outward expressions. Mars is a planet that governs our passions, drives and desires, meaning our sex language is guided by what we deeply want and crave from our partners on a spiritual level. Venus represents more of the external notions that we have for love and relationships, while Mars represents our internal needs from love and relationships. Mars is inherently a more personal and “self-centered” planet, so interestingly enough, your sex language is all about you! I go as far to say, when you find a partner, don’t forget to check your Mars compatibility as well. If you have extremely incompatible Mars signs, you will have to do a lot more work in the relationship to overcome the constant friction. Moreover, if you have more compatible Mars signs, then WOOOO BABY, the sexual tension could be off the charts!

✨ ABOUT MARS ✨

Mars placements won’t make or break a relationship, per say, but it is a very important layer to help maintain a relationship. How many of you have heard of sexless marriages and people being unsatisfied in their relationships in a sexual way? Does that mean the couples always break-up because of the lack of sex or chemistry? No…..But does it help a HECK OF A LOT when you are wildly attracted to your partner? YES! (Of course this isn’t always a good thing…but for the sake of this post, we are only talking about rainbows and sunshine.) Just keep this in mind as you start to use this knowledge in your journey. Mars is a really important planet that is easy to overlook because it’s not in the Big Three! (Yet, it iiissss the natural ruler of the 1st House).

WHY IT ALL MATTERS 🌚

I truly believe there is a shift in the collective and many couples are going to be coming into union over the course of the next year or so. Why? Because Ketu is FINALLY transitioning out of Libra and entering Virgo. If you’ve noticed, we’ve seen quite a bit of celebrity break-ups and covid relationships coming to a screeching halt. Hence why I say, if you’ve been single, or haven’t been in a serious connection in the last few years or even ever, now is the time that your next partner might be going through some significant ending with an ex. Union is on the horizon for a lot of souls who have been doing theeee spiritual work. That’s why I couldn’t think of a better topic to get started to set the mooooooooood. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

So without further ado, let’s get into the nitty gritty. I’m going to do something different and start with Mars in Pisces/12th House and work backwards to Mars in Aries/1st House! I thought “Hey! Why not switch it up a bit? Pisces shouldn’t be forced to scroll ALL the time!”

***Note: If you’re feeling extra spicy, you can read for whatever sign is in your 1st House and 8th House as well because those are traditionally Mars ruled Houses. And you can read for your 12H, because the 12H is also the house of bedroom pleasures! Always keep in mind that we are complex creatures and astrology is like a puzzle, so it’s okay for some things to resonate and other things to not. Learn as many perspectives as possible so you can define yourself!

With Love & Lust,

Enjoy!

A-D 💋

Mars in Pisces/Mars in the 12th House

“Cut me like a rose, turn me like a beast” Only- Ry X

If your natal Mars is in Pisces or the 12H, you may actually have a hard time knowing what your desires are. Why? Because Mars can feel as if it’s drowning in the deep spiritual waters of Pisces. Your wants can be quite dreamy. You crave a sexual experience that transcends space and time, forcing you to leave your body and touch God himself in ecstasy. (I’m a western Mars in Pisces, so…I get it). When it comes to your sex language, you want your partner to just get “you”. You don’t want to have to explain or talk or direct, you’d rather just receive and give a special type of unconditional love that knows no bounds. Because of this “boundless love”, you may actually, literally, lack boundaries. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, so we are going to focus on the positive. You are truly accepting of those who are accepting of you. Because Pisces is a mutable sign, you are willing to fit into whatever box your partner wants to put you in…and you receive great pleasure from making a deep seeded fantasy of your partner come true. You could be just as playful and imaginative when it comes to role-playing as a Gemini.

Because Mars is in Pisces or the 12H, you’ll find that a lot of partners will project their wishes and dreams onto you. Hence why you want a love that is really deep, because people can get washed away in the shallow end of your energy without ever fully realizing how deep your waters flow. This can be frustrating. And because Mars isn’t the most comfortable here, you can have some unhealthy ways of expressing your sexual frustration. Particularly if your Mars is in the 12H, you can be attracted to self-gratification through self-pleasure and also self-harm. You may even conflate the two, harm & pleasure, and have a dark side to your sexual fantasies. Your passions and desires can end up being repressed because people may not understand them, or be able to meet your high expectations. Amd babes, I love you, but just know, your expectations out of partnership are OTHERWORLDLY. But no worries!! You are SUPER DUPER freaky and almost a guaranteed partner that will go down in history books, particularly after you get comfortable in your own sensuality.

One of the things to watch out for with this Mars, is you can be passive-aggressive in the bedroom. You can take a more passive role, expecting and energetically demanding that your partner take the lead. You may not realize you even give off this energy, but the internal need that you have to dissolve into your partner, like sugar into water, can be very intense. And the gag is, sugar doesn’t really fully dissolve, so what you’re seeking can be impossible to satisfy on the earthly plane. Because of this, it is IMPERATIVE for you to have spiritual outlets within your sexual connections. It may be that you and your partner practice Tantra, or you simply pray together. With this Mars, you can absolutely use sex as a tool for manifestation. Watch your thoughts during sex, because you truly can create MAGIK!

Mars in Aquarius or Mars in the 11th House

“I believe in aliens, I don’t believe in love” Familiarity by Teezo Touchdown

If your natal Mars is in Aquarius or the 11th House, you are something special. Why? Because out of all the signs, you are the most unique lover. I KNOW!!! How friggin’ cliche, Aquarius=Unique, blah blah blah…boring. YES! It’s said all the time, but it’s the truth. In Vedic Astrology, it is important to note that Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Rahu. This is hugely impactful as to why you are unlike anyone else. Even as you read this, you won’t be exactly like the next person reading this, because the Saturn Rahu combination can be influenced by so many different factors. Aquarians are the hardest sign to write for in general, simply because you are going to be very individualist when it comes to how you express yourself. Now, all that being said, you still crave, very deeply, a sense of belonging. So please, don’t ever take for granted how special you are. If someone is lucky enough to break through your hard exterior, they really are in for an extraterrestrial experience!

Because Mars is in an air sign here, you may or may not be the most sensual and/or sexual person on the planet. You could be. But you could not be. And that is the gift…or curse…of this Mars placement. I have Mars in Aquarius myself, and I remember reading an article that said “this placement can be infuriating to your partner because you are so nonchalant.” And I can definitely say I’ve lost relationships because the other party assumed I was disinterested because I wasn’t the most expressive when it came to my emotions. It’s important to remember that Mars in Aquarius/11H is actually a neutral placement. It isn’t a death sentence or the worst thing on the planet, but it’s not necessarily the best. So don’t be too hard on yourself if your partners don’t understand you very easily. You will just have to do more work to learn how to communicate and accommodate in your relationships. This may be something that follows you throughout life…and forget your partner….it could be infuriating to you! BUT NO WORRIES! Mars in Aquarius or Mars in the 11th house is usually more concerned with developing and nurturing friendships, which seems to contradict the more lustful side of Mars. Longing for friendship and connection versus longing for sensual pleasure and connection can be seen as two different things.

What Mars in Aquarius/11H wants more than anything is L. O. Y. A. L. T. Y. Because this Mars placement can grant so much freedom, it is imperative for the person with this placement to feel safe and secure in the sexual relationship they are building. This is NOT to be confused with possession. Expecting loyalty from a partner isn’t the same as feeling as if you own your partner. You believe that your partner should have freedom to express and live their life the way they want to, and you expect the same in return. However, you do expect your partner to consider you when they make their decisions in life. It is very much “give a dog a bone, leave a dog alone, let a dog roam and he’ll find his way home” (S/o DMX, may he rest in peace). Meaning, in your sexual language, you want your space and privacy, but you want to feel a belonging no matter how far away you are from your partners.

NOW, for the fun stuff. You are one of the most explorative lovers on the planet. You may have a “the more the merrier” type attitude and be interested in group smexii time or oragies. You may have a dream to experience Amsterdam and the Red Light District. The beauty in having your Mars in an air sign/house is that you can remain detached from the sexual experience and partner– therefore, you may not experience jealousy because you aren’t super possessive. Again, you’re all about freedom baby!!! You may also have some pretty “far-out” kinks. You may be interested in different genders, or same gender, or mix gender or no gender or latex or pantyhoes or dress up or furries or hentai or tentacle porn….and if you’re not into it, chances are you will at least click a questionable link or two. You don’t carry the same shame as others do when it comes to what turns you on sexually. You don’t like anything boring or too routine, so your search history could be a bit…odd….BUT HEY!!! As long as it’s not hurting anyone or anything and pleasure is being derived from all parties involved, then let adults do what adults do is kind of your attitude.

Friendship is the key to your heart…and to your…uh…biological box….lol. When it comes to long-term relationships, I can bet my bottom dollar that you’re far more interested in the friendship aspects than the inherent relationship drama. When your friends ask “why are you still dealing with them”, you will follow up with “well, we are friends before anything else.” And you mean that deeply. The really funny thing is…on the other hand, you are also very likely to get down with complete strangers and never think about it again. You can hook-up and detach with the best of them, or your loyalty to a confidant can keep you in a relationship for a very long time…it. Just. depends.

The one thing that is true about your sex language, is that you speak ALL different kinds. When you look back at your life and your experiences, if you are more of an adventurous Aquarian, lets say you have a lot of air and fire in your chart, you will most likely have all kinds of stories from all different people and places. You will be one of the most interesting partners and friends to talk to about all the mixed bags of experiences that you’ve had..which is awesome. If your Mars in Aquarius/11H is paired with a more “earthy” sign or even water, you will most likely have a rom-com type love thing happening…that tugging “will they/won’t they” energy at the beginning of relationships, only to fall head over heals with the “guy/gal next door”. You may also find your sexual partners online, in a group setting or be hooked up by natural friends. “How’d you meet?” “Oh, I heard from a friend of a friend that that d*ck is a ten out of ten!”

Mars in Capricorn or Mars in the 10th House

“My vicious love, My lethal heart, I wanna screw you up into me” - Bad Bad Bad by Ramsey

If your natal Mars is in Capricorn or in the 10th House, then your sexual language is money, money…and….uh….more money. I kid, I kid…but not really. It would be easy and predictable for me to say you just lust after money, but it goes much deeper than that. Believe it or not, Mars is actually exalt in Capricorn, so, you couldn’t have a better Mars placement. Your natural ruler Saturn and Mars truly are the best of friends. And if you’re familiar with Tarot, then you know The Devil represents Capricorn energy and The Devil is all about seduction and temptation. Unlike some of the more dreamy Mars placements like Pisces/12H or Cancer 4H that use their sexual language as an escape from reality, or the detached air placements like Gemini/3H or Aquarius/11H, who are too aloof to harness Mars’ energy, YOU my Capricorn/10H individuals are acutely aware of how powerful the nature of sex can be…and most importantly, how it can be used to your advantage.

To the average person on the street, you may not seem like the super sexual type. You prefer a sophisticated lover to a “cute” one, so people can assume that your standards are too high. And perhaps, your standards are high, because you understand the value of your presence and your time. In fact, you HATE wasting time, so why would you waste time on lovers who don’t bring anything to the table? Sadly, for most of the public, they won’t ever have the experience to be with a Capricorn/10H Mars because quite frankly, they can’t afford it.

Funnily enough, I’m sure as you’ve been reading this, you’re like “dang…am I that shallow?” And the answer is yes and no. You’re shallow because we live in a shallow world– and you know in order to survive it, you have to use what you got to get what you want. The other side of this is, you’re not shallow at all because you are willing to work and discipline yourself and sacrifice for those that you truly care about. There is such a depth to you in the long run, that it makes sense that you make it really difficult for people to get to you. Because you know and I know, once you’ve committed to someone, you’ve committed for as long as you possibly can. Your sexual language is all about stamina and endurance. This is true in and and out of the bedroom. As an earth sign/house, you are a sensual being. You enjoy each and every bit of romance that you can get. A nice meal, some good perfume, dressed to the nines is all considered foreplay to you. You entice your partners with a certain dignified class and only the brave will approach. In your younger years, you could find this extremely frustrating at times because men will really have to get their sh*t together before they can even THINK to approach you on that level. But the more that you use your Mars to get you where you want to be in life, partners will follow behind you and constantly buzz around as if you are the Queen Bee and they are mere workers for your attention.

Funnily enough, you are quite the heart-breaker with this Mars placement. Because you are so focused on your goals outside of love, and yet, you can crave sensual pleasures, you will be very direct with a partner, but they may not be aware of how serious you take yourself. How can this manifest? Let’s say you meet a partner and everything is groovy, but you are working on a big project for work, you’re working on a degree of some kind, or you’ve said you won’t rest until you make partner at the big company…unlike other Mars placements, you won’t let romance sway you or take you off track. You are probably the best example of “right person, wrong time”. You don’t have as much of an issue as other signs walking away from a situation that is distracting you from your more worldly desires. This can leave people utterly confused, because you seem like a perfect partner, but honestly, you’re just not focused on aaaalll the drama that can come with fully committed relationships. People may actually take this energy and say that you’re a player…or worse…a floozy (one of my favorite words lol, definitely needs to make a comeback). You actually aren’t. You will be one of the most committed partners they could find, but if it’s not the right time…it just ain’t happening. So your partners will have to maintain some level of patience or they will miss out. On the other hand, because Mars is a planet of extremes, you may go through periods in life where you are celebate. It may take you awhile to stop channeling that Martian ambitious energy into your career and put it towards your sexuality. That being said, you will enjoy the more sensual side of sex. You could have great stamina and endurance. Because sex may not come around as often as you’d like, you will learn to savor every drop of your partners and please them in a calculated, thoughtful and masterful way! How smeeexxxiiiiiii!!!!!

Mars in Sagittarius or Mars in the 9th House

“I’ve been everywhere, man, looking for someone. Someone who can please me, love me all night long” Where Have You Been by Rihanna

If your natal Mars is in Sagittarius or the 9th House, your sexual language is that of many languages. You fall in love with the exotic, unknown and unexplored. You like your partners like James Bond likes his cars– foreign. You appreciate partners who expand your understanding of reality. Your partners have to expand your mind…and body…into positions that you never thought were possible. If you don’t attract partners who are of a different race, culture or class from you, then you will be attracted to partners who are otherworldly and spiritual or are just as serious about their religious beliefs as you are. Like Mars in Pisces/12H, your planet is ruled by the planet Jupiter, aka Guru. You NEED to learn from your partner. You NEED to explore with your partner. And you NEED to be able to teach your partners something as well. “I wanna know…can you show me…I wanna know about the strangers like me”...It’s giving…Tarzan and Jane. I have Mars in the 9th House, and it has manifested in a very fun way! So with my bias, I believe that this can be one of the more fun placements if you just go with the flow. Unlike other Mars placements, you don’t necessarily feel the need to control your partners. You’d much rather experience them, learn the lesson and move on to the next new shiny thing. Much like your brother, Gemini, you are equally as invested in getting the knowledge and seeking more knowledge. You of all signs are unlikely to overstay your welcome in a relationship. You can come off quite restless and unsatisfied…UNLESS you are just fascinated and enamored with an individual.

You can find yourself attracted to people who have accents, or speak a different language than you. But you will be even more turned on by someone who shares the same religious beliefs as you. You may actually be willing to convert religions for your partner OR, and this is more likely, you have a partner who is a different religion than you are, and instead of being ashamed by it, or making it an obstacle, you embrace it– ultimately respecting their religion, while maintaining the traditions of your own.

You will naturally desire to travel with your partner. Making some of your favorite memories in life when you made-love in some far off land. If the sentence, “I made love to a Frenchman I met while eating a baguette at the local cafe under the Eiffel tower and I’ll never see him again, but he’s the love of my life” turns you on…congratulations, you’re in the right spot.

This Mars placement is fueled by your deepest desire to see the world and its deepest truth, and then just imagine how much you can learn about the world through the lens of an intimate partner. Your sexual language, like I said earlier, involves language in and of itself. You want to hear the stories of distants lands, fascinated by the foreign nature of your divine counterpart. You will want to be intimate with partners who can speak for hours and hours about their adventures and endeavors. You need to be intrigued at the very least.

I also find that with this placement, there may be an age difference in your relationships. You either will be attracted to someone who is much older and wiser, OR, interesting enough, you could find yourself with someone younger. Why is this? You will appreciate a person who still has zest for life. You will be equally attracted to partners who are bright eyed and bushy tailed! Plus, I know I’ve talked a lot about your partner entertaining and teaching you, but the truth of the matter is, you will want to be as much of a sage to your partner as well. You will enjoy teaching them the ways of life and the pursuit of happiness. They will look to you with eyes of wonder as you paint beautifully vivid pictures of your life experiences that have shaped your view of the world.

Another element to this Mars placement, is you are one to challenge authority. This may manifest in your sex language by liking to explore BDSM culture in some way. Because this Mars is all about freedom, you may be turned on by the thought of your partner controlling you…just so you can say no. You can come off as a “well, make me”...kind of lover when it comes to foreplay. You love a challenge and you like partners who challenge you in some way when it comes to living out your sexual fantasies. Another way this may come out is you AND your partner may have a knack for getting into trouble or enjoying sex with some kind of risk involved. You get off being able to sneak away for a quickie. You’ll have sex in the backseat of a car. Joining the mile club is definitely on your bucket list…all the things! Because you are such a rebel, you tell stories that have “normies” clutching their pearls and leave their mouths open. You want to have memorable sex that is worth writing a book about!!!

I can not drive home enough how spiritual your sexual relationships have the potential to be. You are not a shallow lover. You are a lover full of wonder and full of lust…wanderlust…if you will. Sagittarius/9H is a very serious zodiac/house. You're destined to seek truth– so your sexual partners HAVE to enlighten you in some way. You don’t want to get stuck in the mundane, boring stuff of a relationship, (and please, don’t get too carried away, because we do live on planet earth!) you want to experience shrooms, talk about God and make love in the forest! Smexxiiii!!!!

Mars in Scorpio or Mars in the 8th House

“Every breath you take, every move you make, every smile you fake, every single day, I’ll be watching you” Every Breath You Take by Sting

Okay, okay, it would be all too easy to say your love language is stalking, and more stalking and even more stalking, but…that’s only a small fraction of what this Mars placement has to offer. If your natal Mars is placed in Scorpio or in your 8th House, your sexual language is that of raw passion and intensity. That being said, it is also about restraint and self-restriction, and sometimes self destruction. I tend to find Scorpionic energy and 8H energy to be radically internal. You, actually, may not be the most expressive lover. You are more comfortable waiting, studying and planning to pursue a lover, rather than going in full force. Because Mars is your natural ruler, Mars is more than comfortable here, but unlike your brother sign, Aries, you are more of the “planning” part of war, rather than action. This is the strategy of self-defense more than anything. You don’t want to walk into an intimate situation to be intimate yourself, you want to extract vulnerability from your partner like a detective solving a murder crime. Your sex language is more of a riddle than a question. And you would like a partner who intrigues you and leaves a lot of mystery. In my many many years of dating, and many many encounters with Scorpionic energy (I attract them like flies…it’s crazy) I always find that Scorpios are nowhere near as mysterious or hard to figure out as they perceive. Behind all that black and dark stares and gazed is usually a pretty pretty boring, but shy person. There is such a caution with this sign when it comes to acting on those very deep and sometimes all consuming desires, so you are very careful to not put yourself in harm's way. Another hot take that I have on this placement that may seem a bit contradictory to the Scorpionic stereotype is YES YES YES, you are smexxxxiiii and all of the things, but that doesn’t necessarily make you the most sexual person. You take intimacy and sexy very seriously, more seriously than most, because for you intimacy and vulnerability can be used against you and be seen as a weakness, so you are hard pressed to just be going around willy-nilly swinging from partner to partner. You also view sex/intimacy as more of a “power” thing than a “love” thing. And what do I mean by that? You know that deep intimacy and truly being intertwined with another individual gives you an unreal amount of access to that person on a personal and spiritual level. It is always important to remember where Scorpio/8H lines up in the grand scheme of things. It follows the Libra/7H of partnership. The 8H is actually the house that dictates how a relationship will play out. This. Is. Imperative. To understand this placement. You are far more focused on how the partnership plays out, rather than the partnership itself. Again, unlike your predecessor, Libra, who is ruled by Venus and may be more interested in the looks of a relationship and romantic partner. Your sexual language is more interested in the psychology of your partner. You don’t care nearly as much about the outside as you do the inside. What draws you to your partner is a need to access the ultimate truths through your partners. Hence why, you are followed by Sagittarius/9H of Truth and Liberation. Your sex language involves restraint, power and hidden truths.

As I said before, it may be really difficult for you at times to truly connect with your partners because your energy can demand sooooo much from them. You will require partners to go through such depths in their relationship with you, that they may not be able to handle it. And on the other side of that, you may stay away from relationships because you may mistakenly feel like it brings out some of your “worst” qualities. With this Mars, you may go through a very intense relationship when you’re young, one where you give your all, I mean…you would kill or be killed for those you love, and because that relationship fails, you may never want to experience those types of lows again and stay away. You are one of the most loyal of the Mars placements, so you are very careful to study who exactly you are giving your loyalty to. I recommend with this placement, you may find yourself oddly attracted to Aquarian/11H energy. It sounds weird, water and air, but in this case, Aquarian energy is endlessly fascinating because they are so unorthodox, you will never truly figure them out, so you’re constantly intrigued by them. Aquarians also value loyalty the same way you do. They will allow you the freedom that you need to sit in your own emotions, but value the friendship in such a way, you won’t feel abandoned by them. Even if the people you are attracted to don’t have Aquarius in their chart, I think that quality is something you should consider when looking into intimate partners. It is probably the partner who gives you the most space and it is the hardest to figure out, that will give you the most in life. If you have a partner that is easy to conquer, not only will you be bored, but you can easily slip into those darker energies of control and manipulation to get you way…even when it’s unnecessary.

AAALLLL that said, you are still a hell of a lover! I mean…wow. You intricately know how to please and conquer. You use sex as a language itself when you’re ready and willing. And man, do you have a way with words. You can easily hypnotize a lover to fall under your command, so be careful with this gift. You are more than comfortable in this arena once you move past your fears in the subconscious. You can channel this energy, much like the exalt Mars in Capricorn to succeed with some of your greatest ambitions. You will put your sexual energy into your work and projects in a way like no other! Just don’t take everything so seriously! It’s okay to have a good time. Be intimate and open up some! You’ll enjoy getting your head out of the sand!

Mars in Libra or Mars in the 7th House

“What a rush & what a high, cause when your love don’t fight, smoke gets in your eyes” Smoke In Your Eyes by Skepta, Ossie, Harry Stone

If you came to this section thinking that I was going to talk about how sweet and balanced you are when it comes to your sexual language…THINK. AGAIN. BABE. You are nothing of the sort. Seems contradictory, huh? Because Libra/7H is all about balance, right? Well…not when it comes to this Mars placement.

If you have your natal Mars in Libra or the 7th House, you are quite the spicy lover. To be completely honest, Mars is VERY uncomfortable here. Why? Because Libra is naturally ruled by the planet Venus, which is essentially the opposite frequency of Mars. I like to think of Mars and Venus as the brother and sister planets of the Milky way. Traditionally ruled by Ares and Aphrodite in Greek mythology respectively, they are technically half-siblings. So when you think of this Mars placement, this of how a girlie-girl would feel surrounded by all boys at a football camp. Sure, she may attract a lot of attention and she may have plenty of options…but she will CERTAINLY have to set clear boundaries to command the respect she deserves, as well as deal with the fact that no one around her may have the same interest. See how this can be uncomfortable? It’s not the worst thing to happen, but it can cause you to feel like you have to play the field a little bit differently because of Mars being in the House of Libra.

Okay, so now that we covered why this placement might be different than what you were imagining, let’s get into what this post is actually about!

If you have this natal placement, your sex language is all about breaking up to make-up. Because you’re on this constant quest of seeking balance, YOU will subconsciously or consciously seek chaos in order to regain balance. Your indecisive and somewhat aloof nature in relationships can be a source of frustration when it comes to your sexual expression with your lovers. If you have Mars in your 7H, you genuinely LOVE conflicts and attract conflicts to your relationships. You can be quite passive aggressive, honestly, and stir the pot to get attention. AAALLLL this being said, you still enjoy the finer things and love the idea of love, even though you may not have the most direct way of going about it. Your partners may even find you hard to read, and this can frustrate you, because your wishy-washy-ness is so innate to you, you may have a tendency to think that everyone is as back and forth with decision making as you are.

Ironically, more so than any of the previous placements I have discussed before, I will focus more on what sexual language you like from your partner rather than yourself. Of course, you like good food, good wine, good clothes, good banter, good company…you have Libra, like DUH, but I want to offer a different perspective on this placement.

So when it comes to your partners, you truly like a partner who takes charge, regardless of sex. You crave a level of masculinity and directness in your love language because as I stated earlier, it can be difficult for you to make decisions for yourself. You overemphasize how people will perceive you, and this can cause you to stunt your decision making, so you’ll find yourself craving a partner who can be unabashedly unapologetic in their approach to life. You seek partners who are brave and courageous and you will find yourself testing anyone you fall in love with to see if they have that spark of passion in them. You may find yourself seeking different things from different people, so you may have multiple lovers– and just like how it may take you forever to pick out your outfit in the morning, it may take you forever to figure out what you value in a partner. It is important to note that Libra/7H energy is indeed a masculine energy. I’m sure most would assume it’s feminine because of the “sophisticated” and charismatically social nature usually associated with Libras, but when it comes to sexual relationships, Taurus/2H energy is the feminine side of Venus. Libra energy in this way is more detached than people would think. As stated earlier, because you enjoy dates, chatting, getting to know people, you may be a really good casual dater! This could send mixed messages to potential lovers because you may have never really had any intention of dating them long-term– or, you really just haven’t decided yet. Now are we starting to see how this Mars placement can attract certain conflict? You will desire and crave a partner that can make decisions for you. This may lead to some kinkiness in the bedroom because you’re open to compromise and you can be bossed around in this regard.

Overall your sexual language is complex because of the inherent contradiction of this natal placement. You can make this work in your favor as long as you keep open communication with your partner, even if it’s to tell them that you need some more time before you’re comfortable making any lasting decisions. When you date, you will have to allow your partners to understand your up & down nature. Most people will probably take your pragmatic nature personally, so if you can find a way to channel this into being sexually playful with your lovers, it can be a great way to keep romance fun and interesting. As stated in the beginning, you are most likely to end up in an on-again-off-again kind of relationship because you like for the scales to be tipped, so you can rebalance them. You are far more detached in commitments than most people would assume, so it is essential for you to date like-minded people who understand that your coldness is not a reflection on your feelings. You choose to remain objective in your judgements and seek fairness in your relationships—even if you are the one who was unfair to begin with! Kiss it kiss it better baby!!!!

Mars in Virgo or Mars in the 6th House

“I got commitment issues, but I’m tryna fix that for you…I don’t believe in love, but that doesn’t mean I don’t take you serious” Commitment Issues by Central Cee

With Mars in Virgo or the 6th House, you may be surprised to find how non-committal you are when it comes to relationships. Why? Because you find relationships to be impractical. So when it comes to your sexual language, you are quite all over the place. Lovers can find you hard to catch, almost like trying to keep a fairy in a jar. You prefer to flutter around and keep things light in the sexual department. To you, sex can scream responsibility. After all, sex can be a pretty risky and dirty affair. All the fluid exchange and, ultimately, the required vulnerability, can make you quite uneasy. With this Mars placement, you can go between the two extremes of putting too much emphasis on sex or not enough emphasis at all. This is due to the natural ruler of Virgo/6H being Mercury, which, I find to be, an asexual planet. You are more interested in the intellectual connection than the physical connection.

BUT PLEASE, don’t get me wrong! You know you’re way around the bedroom. Your sexual language is constantly evolving. You do well with long-term partners that you can trust, study and get to know. You prefer a lover that is loyal, so you don’t have to worry about where they’ve been, or better yet, who they’ve been with. You find joy in repetition with one partner. OR, you are really open to “protected” one-night stands. You are either all in or all out. You don’t like to waste time on sexual relationships that you don’t see a return for a long-term investment. That being said, if you are unable to invest in the long-term, you can find yourself in a position of sexual frustration. You may really desire a person, but because of your deep need for perfection first, you may stall connections & find a lot of pleasure in masturbation for the time being. You, like your opposite sign, Pisces, can really get into your fantasies. You may find that erotica and romance novels can be great resources to pass the time while you likely toil between celibacy and being a whore (this is particularly funny to me because Virgos are known for being the Virgins of the zodiac– hence the contradiction in Mars in Virgo. The planet of sex and desire ruled by a “Virgin” is, uh….a difficult juxtaposition to say the least.) – again, it’s all about mental stimulation with you.

When you do meet a partner that you can FINALLY settle down and feel comfortable with, you will be a very giving lover. Because Virgo energy is usually associated with servitude, you better believe that you will make it your duty to service the object of your affection. You care very deeply about the satisfaction of your partner— far more than you care about your own. As stated earlier, you don’t mind finishing up solo as long as your partner is satisfied. You will find every nook and cranny, every deep desire, every love spot that your partner has, because you will analyze their body with astute detail. You will break your partner’s sexual language down and adapt it to be your own, because after all, you are a mutable sign. As well as being an earth sign, you do have a very deep sensual nature to you. Although you can come across as quite guarded with new partners, once you blossom, you really enjoy heavy petting and physical touch. You can spend so much time in your head and alone with your thoughts in other aspects of your life, you may find it very powerful to have a partner that literally grounds you and brings you back to planet Earth by holding you in their arms. Again, after you’ve bent over backwards (pun intended) to please your partner, you, more than any other sign, except maybe Leo, really needs to be acknowledged and celebrated for your hard work. You don’t take kindly to being undervalued or under appreciated when it comes to your romantic relationships in this context.

Believe it or not, this placement can actually be quite kinky! Why? Because of the influence of Mercury again. As stated before, you want to learn your partner’s as well as you possibly can to make sure you are seen as perfect in their eyes– sooooo, that means you’ll have some exploring to do. Mercury is such a curious planet, that it may not be kinky for the sensual pleasures of it all, but it will be interested in testing out sex & kinks for “research purposes”. This can give you a sort of detached feeling when it comes to sex, which may or may not work in your favor– you’re able to disassociate in a way that makes sex almost an out of body experience…it may take you some time to actually feel pleasure from sex. You are so focused on the other and pleasing your partner, you can forget that sex is supposed to be a two way street! I just want to reiterate, that this placement is so mutable, that you may find yourself pretty ambivalent towards sex at different times in your life. You’re kind of like “eh”. But there is hope, when you find a partner that lights your fire– you will find yourself wanting sex like a child wants candy! There is plenty of potential here for a beautifully active and engaging sex life– it just may take more time to develop than others.

Learn your own kinks! Have fun! Explore the more sensual side of life for yourself!

Anyone who is able to win you over (which is NOT an easy feat by any means) will be able to revel in the fact that you are such a wonderful lover! But don’t forget, sex is not a test that you can get an A + in, it’s supposed to be the culmination and celebration of it all!

Mars in Leo or Mars in the 5th House

“She may be the queen of hearts, but I’m the queen of your body parts” - Cockiness, Rihanna

If you have Mars in Leo or Mars in the 5th House, you are Britney Spears, all eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus, bay-bee. You LOVE to put on a show. Your sexual language can make love-making a spectacle! You’re over the top, you’re loud, you roar. You LOVE LOVE LOVE the attention. So much so, you may not even need sex to fulfill that internal desire for you. Huh? What do I mean? I mean, you may be satisfied using your creative gifts for sexual gratification. Chances are with this placement, you are highly creative and charismatic. You find sensual pleasure in being able to share your creative gifts with other people. Haven’t you heard of entertainers saying they had so much fun on stage, it was orgasmic? That’s where you come in.

Ironically, I don’t naturally find this placement to be the most sexual. Don’t get me wrong, you are DOWN DIGGITY for a good time, but you really use sex as an ego booster. You may even be quite lazy in the bedroom. You could easily live by the code “my present is my presence” and be a dazzling pillow princess. This isn’t a bad thing, and it definitely doesn’t have to be the case all the time! When you’re turned on, you’re turned on, but when you’re just casually engaging in sex, or are in a long-term commitment, you may feel like sex is something that is owed to you. Not in a weird entitled way, but more like a Queen sitting on a chaise lounge being fed grapes– like, “duh, you should have sex with me, I’m beautiful”, type energy. This, if you haven’t been able to guess already, can lead to a selfish attitude in the love-making department. You must remember that sometimes, your partner wants to be catered to as well. That being said, you won’t shy away from Valentine’s Day. You are the type to go all out! You’ll put on the lingerie. You’ll lay out the rose petals on the bed. You’ll pay extra for that honeymoon suite. OR, you will expect your partner to do all of this without you asking. You treat holidays and sex as if it’s a royal affair.

Due to your standards being so high, I cannot express to you enough that you may really put all your sexual energy into your creative pursuits until you find a lover of high-value and high sex drive. You love and somewhat need to feel desired in order to break down your walls. You don’t play hard to get– you ARE hard to get, so this may leave you with extended periods of non-sexual activities. You are more than willing to give up sexual pleasure for your own personal pursuits– in fact, you are more likely to do that if you have specific career goals.

You may be a tad bit surprised at my interpretation of Mars in Leo, perhaps you were assuming it would be a bit spicier, but I challenge you to look at your ruler, the Sun (yes, the actual burning ball of fire in the sky) . Not literally…well, you can, but make sure you wear sun-glasses. But in all seriousness, the Sun shines alone. The Sun is too hot to let anything near it, and it carries such a gravitational pull, that things simply orbit around it, but can never get too close. With Mars in Leo/5th House, you may find yourself in this position when it comes to your sexual nature. You attract a lot of people towards you, but they are unable to get too close, for fear they will burn up in your presence. Or, you shine so bright, you are forced to do it alone. Being the Sun and the center of the Universe is a hard job, but ultimately an isolating job. Your being, your creative gifts, your star power and the way you shine can cast such a shadow on those who dare come near you. It really can be one of the most challenging placements because you probably won’t understand why people can’t/don’t come near you. Again, you’re just soooo great, people can have an overwhelming and unrealistic ideal of what it will take to make you happy. It’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, it’s flattering, but on the other hand, you can suffer from being put so high up on a pedal stool that you never asked for!

One tip for you, is to keep your hair beautiful and lushes! People will be attracted to your wild side and want to bring that out of you. You can either really love having your hair pulled or be turned off by it because you spend so much time making it look perfect. Either way, your hair may be an essential part of foreplay for you and something that suitors may find undeniably sexy.

As long as you are mindful to share the spotlight from time to time and not always prioritizing your needs & your desires, you can be a remarkably loyal partner. Fierce is the word that comes to mind and you can be very fierce in the bedroom. (When you want to be.) You can outshine any of the competition. Most people truly can’t hold a candle to you when it comes to how committed you are in an intimate relationship. You are proud and you protect those that are around you and that you deem worthy. You have a royal air that surrounds you and it loudly and proudly screams `bow down bitches' when it's time to get down and dirty!

Mars in Cancer or Mars in the 4th House

“Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain, you like your girls insane” Born to Die- Lana Del Rey

If you have Mars in Cancer or Mars in the 4th house, ironically, your sex language involves a knack of overwhelming emotional destruction. Dramatic, yes, yes, I know, but very true. Mars is VERY uncomfortable in the deep waters of Cancer/4H. Mars in the 4th House, in particular, is a naturally difficult placement because it sits in the House of happiness, as well as aspects the 7th House of partnership and the 11th House of friendship– making that native, uh, a little difficult to deal with. Why? Because your emotions can be so erratic and illogical, it can be difficult for people to understand what you want. Heck, you probably don’t understand what you want most of the time. I promise I’ll get to the good stuff, but keep in mind that this Mars placement is in detriment! (It’s exalted in Capricorn, the opposite sign.) So when it comes to your sexual language, you value such a deeply emotional commitment from your partner, you could constantly try to test them by pushing their emotional boundaries.

There is a mixture of pleasure and pain. You love an emotional outburst– this can be good and sexy, or bad and scary. Emotionally bonding make-up sex, is your cup of tea…ESPECIALLY if you are the one who caused the “break-up” in the first place. You truly enjoy engaging with your partner in a loving way, when you can, but because Mars is so unstable here, it can be hard for you to maintain emotional consistency within long-term relationships. You can find that your passions wax and wane for your partner. Sometimes, you just want to run into their arms and kiss them in the pouring rain, other times, you want them to LEAVE YOU DAFUQ ALONE. This can be quite jarring to your intimate partners, but also to yourself. I recommend embracing this quality and being as honest as possible! Instead of literally creating a sh*t storm in order to be left alone, just communicate to your partner that you need a little space from time to time. But also be willing to give your partner that same courtesy and grace if they ask for the same.

You can feel a need to wrap yourself up in your partner's desires. It may come from a genuine place, but because Mars is an aggressive planet, you may be quite aggressive in how you demonstrate your love to your partner because your deepest desire is to be able to emotionally control them. This can manifest in an extremely emotionally manipulative way through passive aggressiveness and just causing overall uneasiness within your dynamics and partnerships. One of the lovely sides about this particular placement, is when you mature, you can have an extremely high emotional I.Q. Because you are naturally very sensitive to your surroundings, you can literally sense the emotional and physical needs of your partner without them having to say a word. You can be so emotionally intune with your lovers, it can feel like telepathy if they need anything from you. You just know, y’know?

In the bedroom, you can go from one extreme to another. Sometimes you want to be dominant, and sometimes you want to be dominated. It is important for your lovers to be able to ride your waves and learn what is needed from them at any given moment. Again, Mars is all about conquest. So when Mars is in the 4H in particular, you want to be able to be the leader in your home, but you also want someone who can take the reins when necessary. Again, this can be a difficult balance to strike within your sexual relationships because people may not understand the method behind the madness, typically because there really isn’t a method…it’s just kind of madness AND THAT’S OKAY!

Because Mars is so uncomfortable here, it is imperative for you to be able to channel your energy in creative ways or you can fall victim to your own emotional tirades. You want a clear line of communication with anyone you are interested with and they absolutely need to have some emotional intelligence or else they will drown in your water. You don’t want to suffocate your lovers with so much emotional intensity, that you both are unable to remain somewhat grounded in the chaos. You of all people understand just how powerful emotions and sex can be together, so be careful to use it wisely!!! When done right, you can have anyone wrapped around your finger.

Mars in Gemini or Mars in the 3rd House

“Talk is cheap my darling, when you’re feeling right at home. I wanna make you move with confidence. I want to be with you alone” Talk is Cheap by Chet Faker

If you have Mars in Gemini or Mars in the 3rd House, then you are all about an intellectual connection when it comes to your sexual language. You want to catch viiibbbeezzz. You want to be razzle-dazzled with the lingo. You want someone hip, cool, in the know…because, well, you’re hip, cool & in the know, y’know? It’s only fitting that your partner be the same. You, of all placements, may truly crave “your other half”. And I know, I know, we live in a world now, where people are saying “you are a whole person and you’re looking for another whole person yadayadayada…”, but you’re a TWIN. You want to be able to connect with someone as if you share the same brain, the same thoughts, the same…everything. This isn’t to say that you’re not sexual…you just enjoy mental jousting for foreplay. Think of how beautiful the dance between two evenly matched fencing partners is– the ebb and flow of tension – playing both parts of the aggressor and the defender– gliding almost effortlessly with a weapon in hand. It’s like the tango…but with swords. That’s how you envision your love. Beautiful art, yet dangerous. You may not be the most sensual lover at first, but in time you will certainly warm up. Why? Because at the very least, you are a curious partner! You. Want. To. Explore. You may be the type of lover to want to try almost anything once. You want to be surprised. You don’t want your bedroom to be boring. You resent repetitiveness and you welcome new experiences. You may even fall into the “switch my wig, make ‘em feel like he cheating” category. You like to switch up your look, your style…sexual positions (lol). This can even translate into role play! (Especially teacher/student).

I cannot express to you enough how much learning from your partner turns you on. You love asking questions & consider getting to know someone a conquest. The more difficult the puzzle, the more you yearn to solve it and this type of stimulation oozes over into your sexual pleasure. You’re curious to know what your lover’s love. You can have an objective perception of sex, because you aren’t the most naturally emotional person, so you can look at the love making process as getting to know every nook and cranny of a partner’s body– learning what makes them tick & “ick”. You become more emotionally open with a partner, the more confident that you are that you know them. You like learning, but you don’t like unpleasant surprises. This may be counter intuitive, but I find that after you go through your “lemme try any & everything era”, you will genuinely enjoy one partner. It will make you feel secure and like you have that missing piece in life. You don’t come across as the most committal type, but when you do commit, you commit fr fr, you just need a certain level of freedom in life to continue to expand your horizons far past the mundane in life.

Another element you may add to your sexual reservoir is……drugs. “DON’T DO DRUGS, KIDS & STAY IN SCHOOL”...alright, there is my disclaimer. Now back to what I was saying, you may be curious to try mind-expanding drugs & smex. Because you can be so cerebral, drugs like ecstacy can help you actually feel your body. The tingle will start from your subconscious mind, and venture into your conscious body, possibly making love-making a more pleasurable experience. If this doesn’t interest you, don’t worry, no pressure! Just making a note that this placement is more likely to think outside of the box when it comes to making their sex lives thrilling and exciting! Not saying that vanilla sex is boring…just saying in general. You do you!

Overall, this is a curious placement. It’s a fun placement, but it can be an extremely flighty placement in the beginning. Don’t let your fear of getting stuck, stop you from finding a true partner that you can really see the world with. You can find that “other half”, that “twin soul” that really knows how to light a fire in you and warm your cold cold cold gemini heart. In your moments of passion, you will prefer to keep things fun and light. Only when someone truly captures your mind, can they capture your body and soul! SEXYYYYYY!!!!

Mars in Taurus or Mars in the 2nd House

“People stop to ask me, how do you please your man? Take it from the black sheep baby, any way I can. Sometimes it’s with fire and sometimes, with ice…Just don’t get it twisted, his body’s gunna pay the price.”

- Rock My Boy’s Body by Joseph Stephens

If you have Mars in Taurus or Mars in the 2nd House your sexual language is about sensuality, sexuality, & seduction. You believe in making love an all encompassing experience and you will stop at nothing to make sure your partners have an all exclusive pass to your BO-DAY. IF it is earned. Because Taurus is naturally slow moving energy, you may be slow to open up. As I’ve studied astrology for years now…I’ve come to realize that Taurus energy is just as private and cautious and it’s opposite sign, Scorpio. If you have this placement, you feel the need to study your lovers and you wait and wait and wait and wait and wait before you make your move. But if you are able to wrap them in your warm embrace…you won’t want to let go and they won’t want you to either.

Like Leo, when it comes to your sexual language, you believe in putting on a show. But your show is subtle, quaint and slow burning. You will have the candles burning, the scented lotion and fresh out the shower smell, you will have the most luxurious sheets on the most comfortable mattress. You don’t believe in cutting corners when it comes to your comfort and whoever is lucky enough to wind up in your bed, simply gets to enjoy how you live your life. I could bet you have an impeccable taste in music and truly know how to set the tone when it comes to seduction. As stated before, you are able to create a world of pure pleasure for those you love and make them spell-bound to you, because chances are, they haven’t been able to match with a sexual partner who cares so much about the details of ALL 6 senses. (I’m including intuition because, y’know, I’m a tarot and an astrology girlie.) For example, I dated this guy with heavy taurus placements a few years ago. I very much remember and very much miss this awesome TV room that he made for himself. Instead of having a regular degular couch, he had a couch that was also a bed. It wasn’t a couch that converted into a bed….it was just a couch that had a bed in it…and massive 70 inch television mounted on the wall. When I TELL you, I wanted to marry that man because….UGH!!! I was so comfortable! I could melt into the floor when I was with him. And I have YET to be with anyone who has a room set up quite like that. The feeling has stayed with me long after we have been together. THAT is what I mean by the power of Mars in Taurus. It lingers when you’re done!

On the other side, you of all signs, can be extremely jealous and possessive over your sexual partners. You DO NOT LIKE TO SHARE. AT. ALL. The 2nd House is all about owning and possessions and you may take this mindset with you into your romantic relationships. To the right person and in a healthy way, this can be enduring and make your partner feel safe and secure in your presence. In turn, you also want to know that your partner is crazy about you and cares deeply about your well-being. Again, in a healthy dynamic, a little jealousy and possessivness isn’t bad. It can show that someone does have an interest in you and takes pride in the fact that they are able to claim you as their own. This is just something to be mindful of in this placement, because if underdeveloped, it can lead to issues of selfishness & strong resistance to allow your partner’s freedom. Of course this can bleed over into the bedroom as well. You don’t want to get so focused on your own comfort that you end up putting your partner into a routine that they no longer enjoy. Your favorite position may not be their favorite positive. It can feel like eating lobster every single day. Like, yeah, Lobster is great day 1, maybe even day 2, but by day 5….yuck. Depending on other placements in your chart, you may attract partners who are very much like you, in the sense they prefer routine, OR you may attract partners who are so wild and out of the box, it forces you out of your comfort zone. All I can do is say embrace whatever floats your boat.

There is no doubt that you are one of the most sexual, sensual and passionate lovers of the zodiac. Your innate knowledge of pleasure makes you an expert in the bedroom and you can be hard to beat. Although it may take you a while to warm up, either physically or emotionally, you eventually show your partners that it is absolutely worth the wait! Because you tend to be safe and secure in yourself (the 2nd house rules self esteem) you share that safety and extend your protection to those you love the most. Your sexual language is unforgettable. You know how to love someone head to toe! WOOOOO!!!

Mars in Aries or Mars in the 1st House

“Dollhouse, dressed up, perfect messed up, Torture me to sleep, paint the air I breathe. Fishbowl, chokehold, dirty water, I’m cold. Dirty as can be, have your way with me.” Dollhouse (with Lily Rose Depp) by The Weeknd

If you have Mars in Aries or Mars in the 1st House, your sexual language is intense & powerful. You have a way of pulling people into your orbit just by being your unapologetic self! The force is with you! Best believe! And people feel it. You get what you want and you want what you get and you have a way of luring in your prospective sexual partner by projecting your lust onto them– so much so they feel it when they walk by you. Much like your sister, the Mars ruled Scorpio, there is a carnal desire that surrounds you. It’s magnetic. It’s magnificent. And it’s very fleeting.

When it comes to your bedroom pleasures, you can be a pioneer of the “Wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am or…sir” (not as cute of a rhyme) mindset. You may have a habit of treating your lovers like conquest– wanting to overpower them and wrap them up in your passionate fantasies. You deeply enjoy power play in your sex life. Yes, you could easily be the dominant one in your relationships, BUT you could also seek refuge in being submissive to your partner. How? I know it seems contradictory. But chances are, with this placement (unless it’s in a water sign in your first house) you are more than likely the boss and the leader in your everyday life…so when it comes to sex, you may want to just “relax” and let your partner do all the hard work for once. If that’s the case, you may be a bit of a brat in the bedroom because you still like to challenge your partner for shizz & giggles, but you are certainly fun and definitely unforgettable.

Your sex language is raw and real. You don’t like to hold back your passion and you appreciate a partner who can match your enthusiasm in the bedroom. You love the runner chaser dynamic, and again, you can easily play both parts. You are strong and competitive and don’t like to lose the interest of your lovers, even though you can get bored pretty easily. You may prefer quickies over long drawn up love sessions, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like to indulge your sinuses from time to time– you’re just not one of the most lovey dovey of the zodiac and prefer loud, wild, hot, steamy sex opposed to soft caresses and whispers of sweet nothings. You may also be a person who uses sexy time to advance a certain agenda. You could use sex as a tool of manipulation to get what you want. That may seem extreme, but think about a stripper using her sensuality as a means to make money so she can pay her way through law school. THAT’S what I mean. Because you may not be so shy about your sex appeal, if used correctly, it can be your weapon of choice when it comes to getting what you want from someone.

Passion matters to you more than most. You would prefer a risky lover than a predictable one. You also may be a fan of the ole’ break up to make-up trope. Make-up sex is always better. And you don’t mind starting a fight in the streets, simply to uh…you know…end it….in the sheets…..if you catch my drift. You aren’t one for subtleties. You are probably one of the most straightforward and upfront people in the world and you may play shy, but once you allow a person to get to know you, you don’t hold anything back. Because you are a cardinal energy, you always have a childlike flair to you! You keep things interesting and youthful. You’re not afraid to cross boundaries and push the limits of yourself & your partner in the midst of a sexual act. You really may think that sex is something that can be “won”. You want to be the best. You want to be the one that lovers can’t get enough of. You don’t appreciate being compared to others and honestly hear partners talking about their past as if it was some sort of challenge. You definitely have a jealous and possessive streak, but like I always say, when this is a healed energy it can be enduring to the right partner. As long as it’s not obsessive and unhealthy, you can provide comfort to your lovers that you are there for them and only them. You expect loyalty in return, of course, but you don’t mind protecting and defending what you see as your own. Your love is real. Your love is honest. Your love is young and wild and free!

#astrology #astro notes #astrology observations #vedic astrology #astro community #sidereal astrology #jyotish

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leclerced · 1 month

Text

sweet dreams

Summary: Oscar getting a lot of head.

Warnings: 18+ minors dni. some degrading language, blow jobs, face fucking. balls briefly in mouth.

Author’s note: hi. here’s this. enjoy. sorry for typos or other mistakes i am tired.

She's been itching for him all day, and he’s been in meetings all day. He was gone before she woke, he didn’t even wake her for a goodbye kiss before he left. She woke hours after he left and found a note on the fridge, morning baby! there’s a pastry on the counter for you, we have a lot of meetings today so i’m not sure when i’ll be home. xx

She plucks the note off the fridge and retreats back to their bedroom, flopping on the bed before grabbing her phone from the nightstand.

osc

baby

when are you gonna be home?

Oscar's phone buzzes in his pocket and he jumps in his seat. After glancing around to check that no one noticed his startling, he slides it out under the table. He feels his stomach flutter at his girlfriend’s contact on the screen and he clicks on the new texts.

morning honey

are you you hungry? i got you a pastry

Her nose scrunches at the mention. He drove all the way to get her breakfast when they could have had a quickie. He's so kind and thoughtful it’s infuriating.

no. i’m horny and you aren’t here.

i wanted your cock in my mouth as soon as i woke up

rolled over, reached for you. and you weren’t there ):

i’m so wet for you right now, i’m literally dripping.

Her left hand drifts between her thighs and she whines at the feeling. she was exaggerating for dramatic effect but she’s not wrong. Her thighs are sticky and she barely has to ghost her fingers through her lips before they’re coated.

The first text comes through right after he hits send. his phone buzzes in his hand and he glances down, nearly choking on the breath he’s taking as the next text comes through, followed by two more in quick succession. his cock twitches in his jeans when he reads the last one and he grits his teeth.

nows not a good time, i’m in a meeting

She rolls her eyes. she knows that, it doesn’t change anything.

when are you going to be home?

i have two more meetings. expected time is 45 each. could be longer or shorter, depending.

A sigh leaves her and her pussy throbs under her fingers. She lifts the coated digits to her lips and pulls them inside, sucking them clean. she can almost pretend they’re oscar’s instead of hers so she leaves them, swirling her tongue around her fingers to try to sate the craving she has for him.

can’t you fake sick? i could suck your cock three times in that time

jesus christ.

you really are horny huh

sorry, ill try to be quick

It’s a pointless claim, there’s nothing he can do to speed it along unless he agrees to everything, and that could end up with more meetings in the future because he gave the wrong input because he was rushing. She bites her finger tips as her thumb fumbles across the keyboard, checking for typos before sending the next string of texts.

do you wanna know what i dreamed about?

i was sucking your cock for eternity

you know that dreamy feeling? where you know you’re gonna be there forever? like it’s heaven?

it was like that, and i was sucking you off. i lost track of how many times you came, but i swallowed it all

honestly impressed with dream me

i think i grew gills because i didn’t have to stop and breathe once

who needs air? not dream me

anyways.. i really wanna suck you off for eternity but that’s not possible so i’ll take as many times as i can get

and the sooner you get home. the more i can suck you off

After a few minutes of no response, she gets bored. It's no fun sexting when they aren’t sexting back. She rolls onto her stomach and presses her cheek into the pillow. She’ll go back to sleep until he’s home, maybe she’ll keep dreaming about his cock and when she wakes up, he’ll be home.

Oscar can hear the blood rushing through him as he reads the texts coming through, the chatter of his bosses and team members around him fading into nothing. His cock throbs in his jeans and he backs out of the chain of messages as soon as he reads, sucking your cock for eternity. He presses it face down in his lap and stifles a groan when it vibrates directly on his cock. He slides it down his thigh then tucks it underneath his leg. It’s muffled between the weight of his thigh and the plush cushion but the vibrations don’t stop tickling the back of his thigh for a minute.

When someone prompts him, he lets out a weak sound and squeezes his eyes shut, “I’m sorry, i was thinking about the brakes last race.” It's the worst excuse he can manage and brings on more questions.

Someone immediately curses, “Was something wrong? Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

He shakes his head quickly, cheeks flaming red, “No! They were good! I was thinking we had a good balance and should keep that in mind and I just got stuck. My brain is kind of mush right now.”

Lando lets out a noise of agreement next to him and he’s suddenly reminded of his teammate’s presence. “Yeah, same. I missed the last five minutes.”

Andrea nods, “Well, I think we can finish this next bit up without you guys. get some sleep, come in with a clear head tomorrow." They both nod thankfully and Oscar takes a look around the room and feels a bit guilty that they’re being let go early because they can’t focus. He sees Lando stretching from the corner of his eye and suddenly can feel the tension in his muscles from sitting in the same office chair all day. Even if it’s cushy and expensive and comfortable as hell, sitting in one position all day kills his body. He does one better and stretches as he stands, reaching above his head and groaning softly as his muscles finally feel some relief they didn’t know they needed.

If he had a tail it’d be wagging. He’d be chasing it around the room. He's never been so relieved to hear those words. He turns to grab his phone from the chair and swipes it up before another text can come through. He's opening the text thread again as he walks out of the mtc, casting a quick glance over his shoulder before he unlocks his phone. Each one feels like a punch to the gut, his mind going thick as he rereads them. He starts typing out a text that he’s coming home, but he erases it. she can wait until he gets home.

She’d barely fallen asleep when she’s harshly woken by someone yanking her to the edge of her bed. A grumble leaves her throat as she tries and fails to pull her legs back up, to curl into herself and fall back asleep. The hold on her ankles is solid though and she gives up after a single pull. There’s not a care in the world about who’s touching her, Oscar almost laughs at the thought. Oscar's voice immediately rouses her, though, when he commands, “Sit up.”

She jolts up, rubbing her eyes and sighing, “Opie, you’re home.” She drops her hands to her lap and looks up at him with glossy eyes. He’s already stripped down to his boxers, she can see the bulge he’s sporting and it makes her mouth water. He looks into her eyes for a moment before glancing down her body, down the little nightgown that was forced up her body when he pulled her down. It slumped back down on her hips when she sat up, but he can still get a peek at her cunt and it’s just as she described. “On your knees. on the ground.” His voice is sharper than usual and it buzzes in her ears, sending a shiver down her spine.

He releases her ankles as she slides off the bed in front of him, clasping her hands behind her back obediently. “Like this?”

He nods, “Just like that. Open your mouth.” She blinks up at him and does so, tilting her head back for him. She’s not sure what he wants, his cock isn’t out yet, so that’s not-

She flinches as a glob of spit lands on her tongue and he says, “Swallow it.'' Without a moment's hesitation, she does so and lets her mouth fall back open to show him it’s gone. He smirks and lets out a huff of air. “You’re fucking filthy. went right back to fucking sleep, did you? Couldn’t have the real thing so you went to your little dream land.”

Her brain is still foggy with sleep but the words float through the clouds like rays of sunshine. She nods up at him, “Thought you weren’t gonna be home for awhile.”

He gives her a soft smile and tuts, “I’m home now, aren’t I? Why don’t you give me a warm welcome?” Oscar pushes his boxers down and kicks them aside, she instinctively reaches and he shakes his head and she freezes, “No touching, unless you need to tap my thigh for me to stop, okay? Keep them behind your back.” She whines at his words but complies, licking her lips before dropping her mouth back open. She's not sure what to expect, but she’s happy to take anything he’ll give her.

Oscar steps closer and curls a hand in her hair, wrapping the other around his cock. He taps it against her tongue, “Show me what you dreamed about.” A contented murmur bubbles up from the back of her throat at the taste of him hitting her taste buds and she flicks her tongue across the head before wrapping her lips around the tip. She swirls her tongue and sucks softly before flattening her tongue and taking more of him into her mouth.

The head of his cock hits the back of her throat and she lets out a noise as she forces her throat to relax so she can take more of him. He pets her head softly as she bobs her head, taking more each time. The soft grunts he’s letting out make her clit throb and if he hadn’t already told her to keep her hands behind her back, she’d be reaching between her legs. Her eyes flutter shut as she moans around him, squeezing her hands into fists to will herself to take more, to take all of him.

“This is what you wanted?” Oscar's voice makes her eyes pop open, low and thick like molasses. She blinks up at him twice. Yes. He licks his lips and lets his head fall back as a moan tumbles out, then drops his head back down. “All day? That’s what you want?” Two more slow blinks. yes again. He cups her face and strokes his thumb over her hollowed cheek as he coos, “I’m gonna fuck your mouth now. Did you dream about that?” She blinks quickly this time, yes, before he even finishes the question. Just before he thrusts, she taps his thigh and pulls off with a gasp.

She presses her forehead to his thigh and he can feel her quick breaths all over it, hot and steamy on his skin. After a moment, she sits back and nods, “Okay, ‘m ready. I just wanted a breather so I could last longer.” Oscar could come just from the fucking words she’s speaking. Pacing herself to suck his cock? Jesus Fucking Christ. He taps his cock against her lips, pressing into the warmth as soon as she parts her lips for him. A shudder runs through him as she sucks on the tip and her eyes flutter shut like she’s enjoying it.

He pushes the hand cupping her cheek back into her hair and curls it into a fist, sighing at the softness between his fingers. his hips jut forward to test the waters and she presses her tongue to his cock as if to urge him. Oscar works his cock into her mouth with slow steady strokes until he’s buried in her throat. He moans as she swallows around him and he pushes further into her mouth. A shiver courses through him when she gasps for air through her nose, cool air hitting the part of cock that hasn’t made it into her mouth yet.

He suddenly pulls out until just the head is inside, she takes the moment to suck on the head before he gives another thrust. “My pretty girl, so eager to suck my cock.” He teases as his cock hits the back of her throat again. She can feel a different fog taking over her brain, much better than the sleepy dreamy fog she’d been in. She’d pinched her own ass when Oscar told her to get on her knees, half convinced this was a hyper realistic dream. No. Her boyfriend really did just come home early minutes after she fell asleep. And now she has what she wants, his cock down her throat, drool down her chin and what will likely become an ache in her jaw.

She blinks her eyes open to look up at oscar as he slowly fucks her throat, not even fully fucking her throat. His head is tossed back and he’s letting out soft moans every few thrusts. She feels like she’s being teased in a way, but she’s not going to, nor can she, complain. She lets her eyes flutter shut again and moans around him, rubbing her tongue against the underside of his cock.

Oscar tells himself not to over do it yet, he doesn’t want her jaw aching or her throat sore this early in the day. Not when he has plans to be in it all day like she wants. He gives another slow thrust and moans, pulling back until just the head remains tucked between her lips. she flutters her eyes open when he doesn’t move. The look in her eyes really does it for him. “Make me cum.” She blinks twice up at the orders and begins bobbing her head again, moaning when she feels his cock throbbing against her tongue. His hand tightens in her hair, his abs contract and his hips jerk forward as his orgasm hits. A string of praises and curses mixed with her name tumble from his lips as she swallows him down until he tugs harshly at her hair. She flops back and leans into the bed, gasping for air.

Out of habit, she raises her hand to wipe the drool from her chin and then feels it down her neck and gives up before she starts, the back of her hand would be no help. Oscar seems to have the same thought process because before she’s even realized what he’s doing, he’s grabbed his shirt from the ground and is crouching in front of her, wiping her clean.

An hour later, she’s had three orgasms and they’ve had a shower. Oscar has her on the edge of the bed with her head hanging off. “You sure this is okay?” She nods eagerly, opening her mouth to agree, but he stops her. “You told me about the dream. I’m convinced. Just triple checking.”

She reaches out to brush one of the freckles on his hips, “I love you for that.” She lets her mouth fall open after the profession and he repeats it back to her as he pushes his cock back into her mouth. It’s different than usual, her tongue is pressed to the top of his cock when normally, on her knees, it’s the underside. It feels a bit neglected now that she’s rubbing her tongue along it as he presses into her throat. A moan punches its way out of his throat when she gags around his cock, he jerks his hips back as an apology.

The hand on his hip squeezes as if to say it’s okay and he presses forward again. Oscar works up a quick pace, marveling at the sight of his cock in her throat. For God’s sake, why hadn’t they done this before? Everything about it is incredible. The feel of her mouth, her throat, the angle, the sight of her naked and spread out on the bed. He should get a mirror to put opposite him so he can fuck her throat and watch her touch herself.

Oscar comes suddenly, hips stuttering as he watches her press her fingers into her pussy, thrusting them a few times then waving them at him teasingly. It’s like she read his fucking mind. He plants a hand next to her shoulder on the mattress as his orgasm rocks through him and his hips jerk into her mouth. She swallows it all, sucking at his cock and petting his hip until he’s suddenly oversensitive and backs away with a grunt. It’s funny watching him stumble back from her upside down angle, bring his hands up to rub his face as he groans, “Fuck. Movie?”

She lets out a raspy giggle and rolls over, “If you carry me.” He steps back towards the bed and she pushes herself up onto her knees and makes grabby hands. Her hands wrap around Oscar's neck as he hooks his hands under her thighs and lifts her up around him, crossing her legs around him. He can feel her slick coating his abdomen as he walks and his cock is already perking up for another go.

They don’t even finish the movie before Oscar pushes her down between his legs for another go, telling her to suck him off while he watches the movie. She’s happy to do it at first, and then he actually goes back to watching the movie and hasn’t looked at her or said anything in the ten minutes since she got her mouth on him. The only sign that he’s even interested in what she’s doing is the way his chest rapidly rises and falls, or his cock occasionally twitches and spills precum into her mouth.

She's determined to make him lose focus. Each time she peeks up at him, he still has his arms folded behind his head, head turned with his cheek pressed to his bicep so he can see the tv. She pulls off his cock and spits on the head to get a reaction out of him, but he doesn’t spare her a glance as she strokes her thumb over the tip and spreads her spit along his length. when he doesn’t react to that, she licks from the base to the head, sucking on the tip when she reaches it. His thighs twitch and she can see his lashes flutter, but he doesn’t look at her or say anything.

She bites back a whine and goes lower, sucking softly on his balls as she strokes his cock. He lets a little noise slip and she continues, taking the rest into her mouth. As soon as she does it, he’s jerking his head down to look at her while a shocked moan falls from his lips. She bats her eyelashes up at him before pulling away, “Why wouldn’t you look at me?”

He squeezes his eyes shut, “Trying not to cum. That did not help.”

She whines and squeezes his thigh with her free hand, “Kinda the point?”

He pops his eyes open, “Not if it takes two minutes.”

She swipes her tongue out over her lower lip and sucks it between her teeth momentarily. “You make me cum in two minutes.”

He shakes his head, “It’s different. You can have a few back to back, I've gotta wait a bit. Plus, I could cum in two minutes anytime with my hand and a photo of you, no offense to your mouth, but that’s my record on you.”

She nibbles on her lower lip, “I think you should cum.” At the same time she says it, she begins flicking her wrist faster.

He juts his hips up, “Thought you were gonna swallow everything?” In lieu of responding, she dips her head back down and wraps her lips around the tip. She swirls her tongue around it twice, goes for a third swirl and he lets out a low moan as his body shudders under her and he spills into her mouth for a third time. She keeps her eyes locked with his as she swallows him down, challenging him to look away from her again. He does as a final spurt of cum coats her tongue, pressing his head back and gasping her name. she pulls away from his cock with a pop and wipes her hand on the throw blanket half wrapped around them.

He’s still twitchy under her as she climbs up his body and presses a kiss to his lips, sucking softly on his lower lip. He sighs against her lips and presses back, pulling a hand from behind his head to cup the back of hers and hold her there as he licks into her mouth. Oscar can’t help but moan when he tastes himself on her, but wants to taste her. “Swap places?” He murmurs into the kiss, sliding his hand down her back and around her thigh for leverage to flip them over on the sofa.

The movie was never finished, they fell asleep shortly after trading orgasms. she wakes first, the afternoon sun peeking through the open blinds burning through her eyelids. It was nice to open them in the mornings and let in natural light, not too nice to wake up to. She turns her head away from the windows and presses her cheek into the pillow, willing herself to fall back asleep. Oscar's sleeping on her and the weight is so comfortable and warm she never wants to leave. Her bladder has other plans. she succeeds in slipping away from him without waking him and tip toes to the bathroom.

When she returns, Oscar's sitting up on the couch. “My pillow grew legs and walked away,” he grumbles, the lines from her shirt pressed into his cheek. She rejoins him, straddling his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck.

She presses a kiss to the tip of his nose as she curls her fingers through the back of his hair. “Your pillow is back now, had to take a bathroom break,” she teases.

He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her closer, dropping his head to rest on her shoulder. “Hate waking up without you. ‘specially when i fell asleep holding you.” His words move through her like notes of a song and she coos. “You keep saying things like that i’m gonna fall in love with you.”

A disgruntled noise leaves his throat and he pulls back to look at her, “And here I was, thinking you already were.”

She giggles, soft and sweet and rubs her nose against his as she agrees, “I fall more in love with you every day.” She doesn’t think truer words have ever been spoken, at least from her lips.

“You keep saying things like that i’m gonna fall in love with you.” he hums, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips, then to her cheeks, forehead, and nose. It sends butterflies shooting around her stomach and she forces back the urge to smile like an idiot.

She ignores the lovesick feeling and teases, “I suck your dick so much, you have no choice but to be in love with me.” Her words make him snort.

Oscar nods in agreement, “I would stay for the blowjobs, if nothing else.”

She bats at his chest and gasps, “You’re supposed to say, no I love you for other things.”

A wicked grin takes over his features and he squeezes her hips, “Oh, trust me, I love you for other things. Your pussy for example-” She presses her lips to her mouth to shut him up, he breaks the kiss immediately with a loud laugh, tilting his head back. She should have expected it really, after she made the blowjob joke. Oscar slows his laughter and sighs, “I really do love you, every little thing about you.“

She presses a kiss to his chin, “Ditto, Opie.”

#oscar piastri smut #formula one smut #op81 #my writing

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goldsbitch · 3 months

Text

Just don't talk----

-and please bite me like you did before.

p5 to Just don't talk

summary: Enemies to lovers on steroids. Lando is so bored at a gala event that he overcomes his grudge and makes a request he never expected to make.

warnings: not for minors, cursing, biting kink, typos!!! not checked yet

It was yet another of the FIA gala events that were not to be missed by the drivers. Not even if they wanted to, which was something that Lando had wanted to opt for. But no, he was told specifically to be there - and he didn't respond well when somebody was ordering him around. Unless it was a girl in his bedsheets, especially one specific girl.

She was sat quite a few seats away from him, which he found to be a relief. He was still mad at her - either at her being a super calculating bitch or at her not having a grip on her own team. Nevertheless, he was still pissed, not planning on going back to fooling around with her and risking his career. She made him mad. The way she just sat there, laughing, looking all cute and innocent. As if she really was. Only he knew how she liked to dominate him in bed, how wild she was and how far from innocent she could be.

It made him furious. Why did she had be such a bitch? Also, why were all of of the people he was sat close to someone so annoyingly dull? He considered that to be a crime. The worst thing one could do - be boring.

It must have been a 50th joke he had to pretend to laugh at. At this point, all he wanted to do was to escape. But he was mad, mad at the fact he had to waste time here, angry that this was one of the things that he had to endure in order to have this job and furious that she was flirting with some random executive from a sponsor. As if that guy was in any way a match to him. He wasn't fit, attractive and from the little of what he heard, he was far from funny. Plus, what had he done for Y/N with regards to her regarding her career? Unlike Lando, this guy had done shit.

My god, was he bored. He couldn't stand one more remark from the guy sitting opposite to him. He had to get out. Fuck it all, he said internally, not being as sober as one should be at these events.

"Come and meet me at the bathrooms," he texted to Y/N. He burned her with his look until she read the text. She looked puzzled and he just looked at her with a look that suggested she didn't really have a choice. So she nodded slightly and left few moments after him, not to raise any major attention.

She wasn't sure what this was about. Still had their last argument in fresh memory and was not looking forward to living it all over again. But, she felt obligated to at least go and talk to him. She was taken back a lot, when the mood she was met with once she found him in one of the men's stalls was not a look of anger.

"I want you to bite me again," he stated simply, as it was the most normal thing in the world.

"What?" she asked, puzzled. Shock wave ran through her.

He ached from the inside. Needed a hit of any excitement available - and she was the best one out of all of them. Not that he would ever admit it.

"I'm bored. I'm so bored I'd rather be burning alive waiting in a never-ending line at the grocery store than get back to that table. I am fed up by mediocre conversation, people saying this and that, same shit all the time and I have to sit and smile at the right people. Bite, please" he said, eyes sending shockwaves towards her. She has seen lots of intense looks on him, but not this. It took her a bit by surprise.

"Don't tell me you're not bored out of your mind too. I see the way you look, so desperate for fun. I can show you fun." Without breaking the eye contact, he walked few steps towards her. "I know what you like," he knew she was super sensitive the first time he would touch her during their nightly sessions. Before she got used to his body temperature, she would always shiver a bit. Not from cold or warmth. But the feeling of his fingertips on her skin. With that thought, he slowly traced the line of her arm with a light touch, moving from elbow, to shoulder, where he did few circles and then as a cheeky fuck boy he was, he went for the top line of her dress, right where is covered her chest.

"Bite me, come on. I like it," he said, putting his finger over her lips. She licked it slowly. "That's my girl." He was challenging her with his eyes, had the same look as her had right before a race. "Come on."

Something shifted in her, inhibitions gone away before she could say "stop".

"Take your shirt off," she ordered without missing a beat. Lando bit his lips, smiling and began on working his shirt off. She just watched, not participating, calculating her move. She loved having his full attention. Knowing that he was waiting, even probably begging for her to do stuff to him. Oh, what a joy to have that kind of a power.

His shirt was off and he was standing there, anticipating. She knew they had very little time before someone would come in and the risk of a scandal was too big. Yet, she wanted her moment.

"Say it."

"What?"

"Please."

"Please." he whispered with a need that was so honest it made her wet. She closed their distance and kissed him hard. Her tongue danced with his, having a complete upper hand. Then she bit his lip, hard. He reacted immediately with a slight hiss.

"That's not it, my dear," she said and swiftly bent down and put her mouth on a piece of flesh on the side of his waist. It was hard to avoid biting into a muscle on his body, she felt like this would serve good enough. And my god, did this send him to heavens. Her teeth digging to his skin, pain shooting through his left side and all the good emotions coming with it. He gave her a rather loud sign when the pain was too much and she stopped immediately. That was when the emotions started really running in Lando. The same cocktail as last time, but now he was ready and looked forward to taking it all in. The pain shifting into adrenaline, relief and dopamine hitting the right spots. He didn't even notice the sound he made when she released her grip.

She watched him, like an artist would observe his favorite muse. Obsessed with him. How he reacted. How he took pleasure in. She would fuck him right then and there, but sadly, reason stopped her. Also, she wanted to maintain the cool aura this got her. Just feel a little cooler. So she walked away, leaving him with his newly forming bruise alone.

He felt her bite all evening, whenever he turned over to discretely glance over to her, he felt a little tingle in his left side, leaving his constantly reminded of the little slut he was for this girl.

part 6

_________________________________________

@scopeiguess @leclercsluv @sulliamour

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bettyfrommars · 10 months

Note

Ok idk if this will spark inspiration but fluff, playing fetch with wereworlf!eddie? 🐺 😭 OR something smutty with werewolf Eddie 😏 and he’s chasing you down

This is not at all what you were thinking, I know 🙃 but this is what came to mind, and I couldn't stop.

wolfman!Eddie x Reader

18+ONLY, it's 1959, mention of cultural bias and norms for the time, sexual tension, mature themes, no mention of she/her or y/n for reader, blood, hints to being cut with glass, reader puts up a tiny bit of chase, mention of the Frankenstein family, hints to future smut, but none in this (I might do more with this Wolfman as it gets closer to fall). wc: 2.2k

A/N: this was a quick write I had fun with last night. Please forgive any typos. Love you, thank you for the creative requests and for reading!

Working the reception desk at a fancy hotel in the city had you fielding all sorts of strange requests over the years, but when Mr. Munson checked in, it was different.

First of all, you were attracted to him which made you turn into an awkward mess. You spilled your coffee on the ledger—had to clean that up—and then you asked him to spell his name twice, even though there were only a couple letters. He was patient though, and charming in a mysterious way. It’s 1959 and his suit is tailored, dark hair pulled back in a knot at the base of his neck under a gray fedora, and he wears a silver skull ring on his pinky. It was rare to see a man with long hair in your time, in your circles, and so you stared at him a little longer than you should have.

“Is this all I need?” He lifted the key by the metal fob and his eyebrow up to break you from your trance.

Flustered, you tried to remember which planet you were on. “Yes, sorry, you have full amenities in your suite, living room, king bed, a 16-inch TV. Complimentary breakfast starts at 6 AM in the dining room—”

“I have a favor to ask,” he stopped you, trying to be as polite as possible.

He leaned in close, over the desk, and you check to the side to see that your co-worker, Janet, is busy with another guest.

“Can you,” he glanced down at your mouth and then back to your eyes again. “Would it be too much trouble for you to lock me in my room tonight? From the outside?”

Your first thought is, “I would do anything for you, Mr. Munson,” but then you wonder why he is asking you this, and the implication of what being locked in his room means.

Your mouth stuttered like a fish for a few moments, and then he continued. “The moon is full tonight, you see, and I—-” he looked around again, straightening his shoulders, licking his full lips. “If you could come around at 7:00 and lock me in, and then unlock it around the same time in the morning, I’d be much obliged to you.”

“Of course,” you finally answer, taking his key as he passes it back to you. Your fingers grazed and you could feel the heat that radiated off of him. “I’ll take care of you, I mean, I’ll take care of it, I’ll make sure you’re locked in until the morning.”

He adjusted his fedora, fixing a crooked smile on you. “Have a good night,” he said, and then he winked, picking up his suitcase before turning to head down the hall to the elevators.

You watched the clock as you checked in other guests early that evening, and when it was time, you made your way up to the 12th floor to lock Mr. Munson in his room, just as he’d requested. There was a food tray in the hall next to his door, letting you know that he’d ordered room service. You hesitated for a second at the door, leaning in to press your ear to the cool wood, to see if you could hear any signs of distress. The only noise that came was the low laughter of a comedy show on the TV. You put the big key in the lock and turned it, and it made a loud metal on metal clanking noise. You rapped your knuckle a few times softly, “all secure for the night, Mr. Munson. Sleep well.”

Inside the room, Eddie was yanking his tie off, removing his cufflinks, and unbuttoning his shirt, staring out the window up at the gathering gloom when he heard the door lock. He held his breath while he waited for what you would say, his head turned to one side, heartbeat strong in his neck, and then he exhaled, ready to wait out the rest of the nightmare with staunch resolve.

An hour later, a huge fruit basket decked out with cheeses and an expensive bottle of wine showed up for Mr. Munson. A courier set it down in front of Janet at the opposite end of the counter while you were working on something else. You heard the courier say Mr. Munson’s name, and then you watched Janet pick up the basket with both hands and head off toward the elevators.

“Where are you going with that?” You called after her, smiling your forgiveness to the other guests nearby. You came out from around the desk and met her in the middle of the reception area.

Janet was young and she looked very nervous, eyes wide as if she were about to be scolded. “This came-came for M-M-Mister Munson and I was just taking it up to his—”

“Mr. Munson asked not to be disturbed this evening,” you told her. “I’ll take it. You check-in the Parson family, please.”

Janet handed the heavy wicker basket full of crinkly cellophane over to you without argument, and you stood there for a few beats, trying to plan your move. Finally, alone in the service elevator, curiosity got the better of you, and you decided to read the card inside the small envelope:

Dearest Edward,

I’m so please you’ve made the journey, especially under

the circumstances. Excited to talk with you about what

I’ve been working on when we meet for lunch tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Lawrence Frankenstein

A shiver ran down your spine. Lawrence was the great great grandson of Victor Frankenstein, the one famous for reanimating dead tissue and reviving the first Monster. He was in town that week offering guest lectures at the university. You slipped the card back in the envelope and tucked it back where it had been between the wine bottle and the banana.

From experience, you knew that the courier was guilty of being late with the basket. It should’ve been in Mr. Munson’s room by the time he checked in. You decided you would knock and let him know about it, just in case it was something he had been expecting.

When the elevator dinged and you stepped into the hallway of his floor, you heard a crash, like a glass breaking, and your ears followed the sound, pointing you in the direction of Mr. Munson’s room. With tension in your face, you stumbled to hold the basket in one arm while you found your skeleton key.

In front of his door, you heard a strangled cry, as if someone were choking, and you strained to listen. There came the sigh of heavy, labored breathing, and then something that sounded like a shoe hit the door with force, making you jump back, almost fumbling the basket.

A bit of fear lodged in your throat, but you cleared it, and squared your shoulders. You rapped on the door a few times, “Mr. Munson? I’m sorry if it’s a bad time, but a basket came for you. I wouldn’t have bothered you, but it should’ve been here hours ago, and so I wanted to—-”

The other side of the door became eerily silent.

You continued. “I know you requested not to be disturbed, but I don’t want to leave this out in the hall where someone can take it, so here’s what I’m going to do—-” you waited for some type of acknowledgement, but nothing came, not even the sound of footsteps. “---I’m going to open the door just enough to slide it in, and then lock you up again, okay? We don’t even have to see each other.”

Nothing, not a peep.

You closed your eyes and counted to three in your head, and then clicked open the lock and turned the knob with a creak. You set the basket on the floor, about to push it in with your foot, when you glanced up to see the bathroom door was open. The vanity mirror was shattered, and blood dripped down from the broken shards into the sink, as if it had been broken with a body part.

Your heart raced, fearing for his safety, and before you could stop yourself, you were pushing the door open to step all the way in, knocking the basket over. “Mr. Munson, are you okay? Do you need me to call the—-”

On your way to the bathroom, you heard the door shut behind you.

You turned, about to say his name again, but then what you saw made you shriek and stumble back, hand flying up to cover your mouth, the key plopping to the carpet.

Mr. Munson stood in front of the closed door now, blocking your exit, but he was no longer the man you remembered. He wore his shirt unbuttoned and untucked, suspenders hanging down the sides of his trousers, and his dark hair fell long over his shoulders, messy and wild. His once chocolate brown eyes seemed to glow gold, pointed incisors jutted down into his bottom lip, and his body was covered in….

Hair? Fur? It covered his exposed skin almost entirely; down his hands that now had pointed claws for nails, and up his belly and chest to his neck, along his cheeks. You noticed that his feet were bare, and they were also furry with the tips of slightly curled, pointed claws.

His chest went up and down as he heaved, gold eyes narrowing on you. “You should’ve never come back here,” he growled, sweat glistening on his brow. “I didn’t want you to see me like this.” His eyes clenched shut, as if in a grimace of pain, and his head dropped back against the door.

Your brain lost all function for a moment and a few noises came out of your mouth, but no words. A few drops of blood dripped to the cream carpet at his feet from the knuckles of his right hand. You looked around at the broken vase shattered on the ground, and the way one of the sofa cushions had been ripped to shreds, and you gulped, realizing he would probably kill you. Especially now that you knew what he was.

In a split second, you remembered the adjoining door in his bedroom that led out to the emergency exit. It was locked to the guests, but you could open it with your key, and if you could manage to get over there before he—-

You took your chance, dropping down to grab the key, and then bolting for the other room. Eddie followed, matching your movements. You were hyperventilating, trying to aim the key in the hole for the emergency door when he snarled and bound across the bed on all fours like a feral beast, breaching the distance in no more than a second.

He dropped down next to you in a crouch, and then rose to full height, a low growl purring deep in his chest. He had both of your wrists pinned against the wall above your head before you knew what was happening. He bared his teeth, dripping with a string of saliva, his pupils pinned, searching your face.

“I can’t be trusted right now, like this,” he hissed, swallowing. “With you.”

There was no mistaking your arousal, but then there was also a fight going on inside, a voice saying you absolutely should not like this.

“I won’t tell anyone that I know about you,” you promised. “It will be our secret.”

Eddie shifted so that he was holding both of your wrists together with one hand while the other came down, one claw dragging gently across your cheek and neck. You noticed that his pupils began to open, pooling black within the gold irises.

“Do you want me to let you go?” He shifted his head back to look at you, running the tip of his tongue along one of his teeth, desire blooming in every pore, setting his hairs on end.

“No, not really,” you mewed, exhilarated but also afraid of your desire.

Eddie lowered his head, running his nose and his mouth against the side of your face and your neck, inhaling long sniffs, taking in your scent, making animalistic noises. Your eyelids fluttered at the way his tongue darted out to taste your skin a few times, at the feel of the fur on his cheek that brushed soft at your jaw.

He let your arms go and you brought your hands to his shoulders, slipping them inside his shirt to rest on the sides of his neck, pinching the hair between your fingers, finding his gaze again. “Is there anything I can do for you, Mr. Munson?”

“You can call me Eddie,” he scratched his claws along your jaw, thumb crossing down your mouth to pull your lips apart. “And you can let me taste you.”

His eyes glowed like someone lit a fire behind them, and outside, somewhere nearby in the moonlit night, a wolf howled.

#wolfman!Eddie #Eddiemunson #Eddie Munson fic #monsters #monster!Eddie #Universal Monsters #requests #Eddie request #eddiemunson x reader #eddie munson oneshot #monsterfucker

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charlypancakes · 2 years

Photo

10 years later - basegame savefile

hello everyone,

today i am sharing something a bit different than usual.

my first savefile using only basegame & no cc.

i have been building on this savefile for over 2 years now. sometimes more, sometimes less frequently. so it's kind of a work in progress still because i don't believe i will ever be 100% happy with it. but i decided to share it with you anyways because there is already a lot to discover and play with in here. many families have backstories and relationships to get you started with some interesting gameplay.

as the title predicts, the stories in this savefile are my imagination of what happens in the lifes of our known townies (and a few new ones) after 10 years. i just realized i could have said 8 years because of how old the sims 4 is by now, but i don't want to go back and change that now.

to make this savefile more fun i decided that everyone can renovate or expand this to their liking and upload their own version as well so we can all get most out of this. if you decide to share your version please use the hashtag #10yearslatersave or tag me so i can check it out.

you can also upload the builds to the gallery if you renovated them. actually do whatever you like with it i just hope you like it and have fun 😊

if you find typos, builds that are not working, relationship settings that i missed or anything like that, please let me know so i can update the savefile in the future. i also want to update the savefile with more worlds from other packs and maybe take some better preview screenshots for this post some day!

anyways, i am happy that i can finally share this with you and really hope you enjoy playing with it, renovate the builds or whatever you like to do!

to install the savefile you only need to unzip the download file and put the .save file in to your saves folder. if you use windows you can probably find that folder here: \Documents\Electronic Arts\The Sims 4\saves make sure that no other file in your 'saves' folder has the same name so you don't overwrite any of you existing ones.

DOWNLOAD

take care 🥰 charly

#10yearslatersave #sims 4 save file #sims 4 save #sims save file #save file #ts4 save file #basegame save #basegame save file #basegameonly #ts4 base game #base game #ts4 basegame #charlypancakes

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arammies · 1 year

Text

pac: what's next in your romantic life ?

ू take a breath and focus on the question. then pick a pile that stands out the most to you. you may pick more than one pile. if nothing catches your attention, then there is simply no message for you here at the current moment.

ू many many thanks to my guides and your guides for helping with these messages :)

ू decks used; crystal unicorn tarot , typo multicolor daily affirmation cards

from left to right; pile 1, pile 2, pile 3

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

pile 1

[ eight of swords, nine of pentacles, affirmation take a moment out of your day just for you ]

your love life might be really stagnant right now and you're left here wondering and wondering when is the next thing going to happen? well buckle up my dear pile 1. because for your love life to start moving to the next phase, the change has to come from you. there's a message of sitting down with yourself and really be aware of what do you need and want in your love life (though i get the feeling that majority of you already did) and if you've done that, now's the time to put it into action! whatever it is you're thinking of trying, do it. putting yourself out there, going on dates, manifestation, etc. after all the reflecting, now's the time to do it! maybe you didn't think you had it in you but really you have it all right there within you. share your love, stand up for yourself, don't isolate yourself from the love life pile 1. i feel like whoever's on the other end of your relationship is waiting for you and misses you so dearly :( you've got this, pile 1! i'm rooting for you!

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

pile 2

[ strength reversed, four of pentacles, affirmation sit in the sunshine for 10 mins ]

i feel like this is the already have something with other people(s) pile; whether that be relationship, situationship, courting etc. if you're single, don't worry, this pile is still for you. hello my lovely lovely pile 2. it seems that you've done all the necessary things to be done in your love life and now you have a solid foundation to stand on, congrats! you're probably just here thinking "and now what?" lmao. this is the time to venture yourself out there and enjoy the outside world :D if you've been thinking for signing up on a class or club, or going on a picnic, this is it! the cards are telling you these stuffs, as in spending quality time, will help strengthen your love life whether that be leading you to your s/o(s) for the singles or just greater bond for the non singles. but yes, go out there! it's kind of funny for the coupled ones, your guides are telling me you stay in home too often and they're just 'tsk tsk'ing you guys lmaoo anyway, go have fun!! and be safe pile 2, that's all i got for you :)

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

pile 3

[ the star, ace of pentacles, affirmation phone a good friend today & check in ]

oh precious pile 3. my sweet and hardworking pile 3. so many good things are awaiting you and not just in your love life but in your general life as a whole as well. i am so so proud of you pile 3. the cards are telling you to hold your faith and do not lose hope, if you've been putting in the effort, they see you pile 3. a new cycle is coming and with it, comes tons of great things because you deserve them pile 3. you deserve to be loved just as you are. to be loved simply because you exist. keep doing what you're doing and many things will flourish in your love life. you'll get that happy ending pile 3. this is the confirmation that you're looking for. it's coming very very near so please hold on a little more. i love you pile 3 🥺 also the affirmation card states friend but i get the feeling that this "friend" is actually you yourself pile 3 so please take care of yourself lovelies.

extra; you might also feel attracted to pile 1

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

#...alright thirds time the charm 😀#☆°(ꈍᴗꈍ) aram pac ू #pick a card #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pac #pac reading #collective reading #tarotblr

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 months

Note

Okay so here’s my request for a blurb…💕

Think of that one scene where Tormund is talking to the hound about Brienne but instead of Brienne it’s the reader (fem Y/N). The readers a hard woman and hasn’t given in to Tormund because she’s secretly with Sandor.

So basically the hound being jealous that tormund is into his woman.

Preferably NSFW if it’s too long to get to NSFW no worries.

⭐️( PS: i love your writing for the hound, barely anyone else gets it right!)

Save Me A Bowl

"A pretty thing for a pretty thing," Tormund says, holding up a small flower, not yet bloomed. I raise my brows at the white bud, "do I look like a thing to you?"

Sandor Clegane x Reader x Tormund Giantsbane | 1k+ | cw: fem!reader, jealousy, whipped!Tormund, fluff?, casually implied sex, typos, etc.

A/N: UR NOT ABOUT TO CATCH ME SLIPPIN ON MY POST STREAK. Once I post this, I'd have finished all my requests which is such a slay for this girl 🥹🫶. It has been quite a while since I got this req tho, so I hope you enjoy it nonnie 🫶 also.... I haven't actually reached this part of GoT yet HAHAHAHAHAH it's fine tho I think I know enough to write it lmao

Sandor was not very affectionate, at least not in the noticeable kind. In truth, neither was I, though I suppose it's because you don't really have the time to think about such things when there was a war at hand.

However, I would say I didn't shy from checking on him, nor from asking him to accompany me. I definitely didn't shy from going out of my way to sit next to him, nor from leaning into him when it got too cold. The same could be said about him, I think.

In my opinion, my relationship with Sandor was rather obvious, though we never spoke about it, especially on the multiple accounts I've announced I'd be heading back to my tent and have the Hound immediately follow after me. If anything, I thought it was at least crystal clear what we were up to after the fact.

This was why I turned to Brienne when Tormund began harking nonsense. She and I had been huddled by the fire, finishing a bowl of soup when he came around.

"Is he trying to seduce you?"

"Don't look at me," says Brienne in between spoonfuls, "I am not the one he directs such gaudy poetry to."

I raise my brows as I turn back to Tormund who immediately smiles at me. I find myself sparing a smile back just to get his oration over with.

Ever since then, Tormund went out of his way to tire my ear with the sound of his voice, telling me tall tales of his life and his people. To be honest, I didn't mind it. In fact, I was partially entertained by some of his stories.

Showy as he was, he was harmless for the most part, and so I just let him do what he wanted. Eventually, his yapping would earn him a bowl to head and a threat to shut his trap. It worked out for me the men had much less patience for him than I did.

Little did I know, Sandor just about lost his patience with him.

I have to stop eating so I can get a laugh out of my system. The orange haired man laughs with me and concludes his story. He sighs, "you're the only fun one on this side of the fucking wall."

I shake my head and continue eating my food, "you mistake my tolerance of you as solidarity with your humor."

"Yet you laugh," Tormund raises a thick brow.

I shrug and swallow a mouthful before replying, "because you are fool."

"Fool enough to make you laugh," he says, standing from his seat beside me. He seems to look for something in his pocket.

I barely spare him a glance as he tells me, he's forgotten something, "I'll be right back."

Just as he runs off, I see Sandor and smile at him. He seems not to notice me and sits in a spot across from me. I immediately stand and come up next to him. I sit next to him, "took you a while."

Sandor ignores me.

I nudge him when he does not respond.

He side eyes me then begins to eat.

I raise a brow at his ignorance, "has something happened?"

He grunts then snaps, "why don't you ask that ginger fuck."

I frown.

"You seem keen of his company," Sandor glare, "you even laugh at his rancid jokes."

I furrow my brows.

Just then, Tormund comes back. He looks for me a moment, then beams when he spots me.

He runs up to me and Sandor; I feel Sandor stiffen against me.

"A pretty thing for a pretty thing," Tormund says, holding up a small flower, not yet bloomed.

I raise my brows at the white bud, "do I look like a thing to you?"

"The prettiest thing in the south," Tormund grins.

I release a breath.

I look over my shoulder and realize Sandor has stopped eating in lieu of glaring at Tormund. I'm about to speak, but I'm beaten to the chase.

"Fuck off, filthy minge," Sandor growls.

Tormund turns to him. His upper lip curls, "I wasn't speaking to you, smelly mutt."

Sandor stands and the two impose upon each other.

I immediately set my bowl down and step between them. I push them both on their chests, but neither budge. I hiss, "enough."

"You heard the woman," Tormund says, "get lost."

"I-"

"She was talking about you, you yapping fuck," Sandor snarls.

Before they can jump at each other's throats, I step back and yell, "ENOUGH, I SAID."

Sandor and Tormund stare at me.

"It's been a long day," I snap, "I'm not in the mood to soothe two whining bitches."

Tormund nods, "right!"

I narrow my eyes, "Tormund-"

"Yes?" he immediately retorts.

"- fuck off."

He opens his mouth but is too taken aback to say anything.

"You've been too busy picking flowers to notice that I'm with Sandor."

Tormund stares at me blankly.

"He's the one warming my tent."

He is aghast.

Sandor's face is blank, but he seems otherwise pleased as he sits back down and continues to eat.

The ginger steps forward and reaches out, "but I-"

"Keep your fucking hands to yourself," Sandor stands again, "if you know what's good for you."

Tormund glares at Sandor.

I sigh, "I told you you were a fool."

Tormund deflates. He walks off silently.

Sandor pulls me by the arm as he sits, sitting me down next to me, "good fucking riddance. Finally some quiet."

I roll my eyes at him, "you know," I pull my arm away, "this wouldn't have happened if I-"

"Fucked you harder?" he says in between chewing, "aye. I know better now."

#ngl i kinda feel bad for tormund #hes my pathetic meow meow too #Sandor Clegane fanfic #sandor fanfic #sandor fluff #sandor smut #the hound fanfic #the hound #sandor clegane fluff #tormund fanfic #tormund giantsbane fanfic #tormund giantsbane fluff #Tormund fluff #tormund x reader #sandor x reader

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justanamesstuff · 1 year

Text

All I Need

Chapter 10 (the final chapter)

A/N: I want to thank all of you for supporting this fic so much since the start. Nothing would've the same without you, without your comments, wishes, excitement, encouragement, EVERYTHING. All of you that read it are a substantial part of 'All I Need' and I'll be forever grateful for it. I hope you like the end...have a happy reading, guys!!! 😘😘

Warnings: fluff, angst, swearing, smut (MINORS DON'T INTERACT!!!), baby in hospital, sickness, typos.

Word count: 9.8 K

Blog MASTERLIST

1 month later

Finally, the dynamic around the house came to a normal one.

When Matty wasn’t away for a few days during the weeks doing shows –here and there– around the UK, he was at home with his girls. Amelia was stoic to have daddy’s time and attention.

Y/n love to watch them play around the house, Matty was making his life purpose to play with his daughter when he had the time. Y/n would never admit it, but sometimes she sneaked behind the door after excusing herself to do some chores. Matty and Amelia were so engrossed into the game to notice that mommy was watching them like if it was a play.

It was sweet to watch him when Amelia asked –as best as she could– Matty to play princesses. Over all, it was funny when she tried to make him fit into one of her tiny dresses. Matty was only able to fit his arms, and not even all the way. Whatever would make Amelia happy, her dad was ready to do.

All of their games were fun to watch: from tea parties to being pirates.

Y/n wanted to be as creative as he was, although her way to spend time with Amelia have to do more with watching films and spending hours without end drawing, or painting with their hands.

Amelia and Y/n were in the middle of one of their’s mommy and daughter time before nap time watching ‘A Bug’s Life’, Amelia was getting a bit sleepy already. When, suddenly, Y/n felt a strange wave of heat brushed over her body. She got scared for a minute. Y/n stayed still, trying to find what was wrong inside her.

Trying not to startle her daughter, she managed to run towards the downstairs bathroom. All the content inside her stomach was flushed down the toilet a couple of minutes later. Y/n pushed the button, raising her hand as best as she could. Feeling tired after the sudden actions, she rested her forehead on the toilet for a second.

Y/n tried to pick herself from the floor as best as she could. Once on her feet, she had a look at the bathroom mirror. The mirror's reflection showed a very pale woman. Y/n washed her face, hands, and teeth.

Once again, beside Amelia, Y/n stared at her calmed face deep into sleep. She would let her sleep her nap on the couch. The spiral inside her head, ignoring the film, focusing on what was happening to her body.

If she was honest with herself, she hadn't kept her medical records really updated. What if…?

Y/n shook her head, trying not to think about the worst possible scenarios. Even when her mind kept pushing to think about how Amelia was going to lose her mother, and how Matty would manage being a single father. ‘It’s only a stomach bug’, Y/n thought for herself. Adding a mental note to book a visit with her doctor.

******************************************

Y/n stirred when a hand brushed the apple of her check. Her first instinct was to look after Amelia, she was on the floor playing with blocks of different colours. Y/n felt relieved, resting again on the cushions, closing her eyes.

“So, am I invisible or what?” Matty asked from her side, surprising her.

Matty was supposed to arrived two days later, even though he was there and that was what only mattered for Y/n.

She opened her eyes wide, focusing on his form, “What the f-” Y/n couldn’t help to launch her body to be closer to him. Matty huffed, feeling her body on top of his. “You are home early!” Y/n shouted on his ear. The singer laughed about it, rounding her with his arms.

Matty looked tired, although there was something about his hair –it was shorter, there were still long curls to ran her hands through– and his casual outfit –something rare on him–, that made Y/n felt feral about him. Nothing that she would tell him.

“Hello to you too, baby.” Matty joked, happily, touching the width of her back. She was wearing the –his– blue hoodie, and his heart couldn’t help to skip a bit about her wearing his clothes.

“Hi, Matty.” Y/n said more shyly this time, staring at his eyes. He was directly staring at her, making Y/n feel a chaotic mix of warm feelings inside her.

Matty let his right hand make its way towards the back of her head, “Come here.” he pushed her face closer to his, gently. Matty left a chaste kiss on Y/n’s lips. “Agh, I missed you.” he mumbled in them.

Y/n pushed back a little, “You went away for three days…” she pestered him.

“Haven’t you missed me?”

She faked thinking about it, “Mmm, I think I’ve noticed I didn’t have my personal heating at night.”

“Oh, am I an object for you now?” Matty continued inquiring her. Y/n felt his touch everywhere, being hyperconscious of him closer to her body.

Y/n brushed her hair back, “What else then?”

Matty pouted visibly, “Meany.”

“Stop crying, Healy.” Y/n pecked his lips sweetly, letting her lips detached from his slowly and painfully sexy for him.

“And do what?” he replied suggestively, pushing Y/n’s body closer.

During the past month, the tension was raising, although neither of them dared to do something significantly about it. Matty and Y/n, both, were terrified about the idea of scaring away the other. Even though, they thought about being tangled with the other a lot.

Y/n rounded his shoulders, “Kiss me.” she said, directly.

Matty smiled wide. “My pleasure.”

Y/n tried to keep the kiss PG rated, because Amelia was around. It was hard when Matty was kissing her like they haven’t seen each other for years. She sighted loud.

The sound, coming from her mother’s mouth, startled Amelia. The little girl paddled towards her parents.

“Mommy, mommy.” she tried to gain her mother’s attention, making grabby hands.

Y/n picked Amelia up, leaving her between their bodies. Matty groaned when Y/n moved far from his embrace, although having his daughter close made him happy.

“The Healy’s are needy people.” Y/n teased Matty.

“Daddy!” she chanted, falling on her bum resting her back on Y/n’s side, even though she stared at her father with admiration.

Matty rolled his eyes at Y/n, “As if you aren’t needy from time to time.”

“‘m not.” she defended herself, brushing back Amelia’s hair with only her hands.

“Do you want to be one?”

Y/n knew what Matty was referring to, although she preferred to joke about it. “A needy person?”

“Aren’t we all a little bit needy?” Matty got distracted by the topic for a second. “But- No, I mean the other…don’t you-” he tried to continue his idea, getting mixed up with the words because he was scary of her reaction to it.

Y/n chuckled softly. It wasn’t common for Matty to be that shy, so she was going to take advantage of the moment, “What?” she asked, sporting a big smile.

“Forget it.” he muttered, stubborn. Matty changed his attention from Y/n to Amelia, leaning forward to be face to face at her high. “Mommy is being mean with daddy.” he informed her, pouting visibly. Amelia’s smile disappeared seeing his daddy looking sad, Matty opened his arms instructing her –silently– to be closer to him. She obeyed. “I need kisses.” Amelia planted a few open-mouthed kisses on his cheek. Matty didn’t want her to grow up any more. His little baby was perfect.

“No! Tell me!” Y/n interrupted the little moment between father and daughter, continuing with the discussion.

“No, you don’t want. I get it. Fine.” Matty said, offended.

Y/n snorted, his frown wrinkling his forehead and the still lingering pout made him look so cute. “You never really asked!” she protested.

“You implied it.” Matty narrowed his eyes.

“Daddy!” Amelia called him. Matty looked down at her.

“Mel-mel!” he repeated her tone.

Y/n couldn’t stop smiling. She mischievous said, “I do want.”

“Stop.” Matty’s cheeks turning crimson with the implication of her words.

“Matty!”

“What?”

“Ask me!”

He was going to keep his front steady until the last consequences, “I don’t want any more.” It was his time to teased her a little. Tango is danced by two.

“Baby.” Y/n started whining.

The singer tried with all his force to prevent the smile creping from the corner of his lips. “Fine.” Matty rolled his eyes at her. He waited a few seconds, extending the moment to make it more dramatic, then he asked, “Do you want to be a Healy?”

Y/n made direct eye contact with him. “You’ll have to get down on one knee to find out.”

“Fuck you!” Matty spat.

Y/n scolded him right away from it, “Matthew!” looking at Amelia staring at her parent's talk.

“Sorry, my love.” Matty kissed Amelia’s head.

“I love you” Y/n said, still grinning from ear to ear.

“Oh, you’re in a mood today.” Matty stated.

“So, you don’t love me? Okay, perfect.” Y/n faked being angry. Sometimes it was fun for her to joke with him. Y/n knew that Matty was down for that kind of silly games with her. “I’m going to cook Amelia’s dinner.” she let her words linger in the air, not glancing at her daughter and father. Which obviously pissed Matty.

He started to protest from the couch, “Y/n, you started-”

“No, I get it, Matty!” she answered from the kitchen, gathering the ingredients she needed. “With all this models and beautiful girls surrounding you-”

Matty stopped her abruptly, “Y/n-”

She continued to rant, without acknowledging his presence, “I can see why you don’t love me any more. Three days away-”

Even with Amelia in his arms, Matty took Y/n by the arm, flushing her body to his. He shut her words with a strong kiss, making her feel weak on the knees. Y/n was the first one to break the kiss because she starts laughing nervously directly on his lips.

Matty pushed back a few centimetres to glance at her eyes, saying, “I love you, you’re the love of my life.”

“Oh, really?” Y/n couldn’t drop the teasing, if she did, she feared she would fell to the floor. He made her weak like no one else.

“Yes!” Matty was growing desperate with her.

“What about your daughter?” Amelia was resting her head on Matty’s shoulder, enjoying the warmth his body provided.

“Our daughter. Half you…besides, that’s another universe of love…” Matty spoke messily, he wanted Y/n to know how deep he had fallen for her and how much she really meant to him.

“Right.” Y/n pattered his chest softly.

“I love you.” Matty sentenced in a very serious tone.

Y/n looked at his eyes, “I love you, ratty.”

Matty groaned loud, “Agh!” Y/n hide her head on his neck, kissing the skin there while she enjoyed his scent.

***********************************

Late at night, Matty made himself comfortable in Y/n’s bed, behind her. He knew she wasn’t still asleep, even though the lights were off, and they were ready to drift.

The singer sneaked his arms, one under her neck and his right hand touching slowly her waist. His fingers made a loving path on her skin, until his hand rested with the palm open on her belly. Matty felt how Y/n’s body stiffened.

He tried not to look too much into it, feeling better when Y/n relaxed under his touch. Matty drifted minutes later.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days later

Right after Matty left for the gym, Grace showed up at the door as if she could sense when he wasn’t there. Y/n found that funny.

Her best friend was nursing a cup of tea, enjoying the rare sunny day with Y/n and Amelia. The little girl took advantage of the day to explore the garden. From time to time she went from picking flowers, to kicking a ball –showing the Manchester United’ logo– long forgotten outside.

“Fill me in.” Grace moved beside Y/n who was staring at her daughter to make sure she was alright.

“About?”

“About you and the rat.” Grace said as if it was obvious.

Y/n chuckled, “Are you ever going to stop calling him that?”

“Never.”

“Right.”

“So?”

“There isn’t much. We’re okay.” Y/n glanced down at her almost empty cup.

“Are you trying for a baby yet?” Grace grinned behind the poetry, hiding it from Y/n. Amelia’s mother glanced at Grace with her eyes blanked.

“We haven’t-”

“Why?”

Y/n tried to give Grace an explanation when she didn’t even have one. “We are taking things easy this time.”

“Oh, come on…you sleep together! Same bed! Are you still sleeping on the same bed, right?” Grace pushed her body closer to Y/n.

“Yes.”

“Then?”

“I don’t know, Grace!” Y/n shouted, frustrated.

Y/n’s friend held her hands up, showing her innocence…or trying. Y/n shook her head from side to side rapidly, trying to stop thinking about the matter for a second.

“Do you want to?” Grace asked the million question.

“Of course!” Y/n exclaimed way too quickly for her liking, so her hand went straightly to her mouth. Grace fell backwards on the outside couch, laughing very loudly.

“Whore.” she moved her arms on the air, as she was envisioning a sign with the word.

“Grace!” Y/n scolded her friend. It was a difficult mission as a parent to keep her away from the swearing.

“Sorry, mel-mel.” she shouted. “Mommy is needy!” Amelia came closer, titling her head, trying to understand her godmother’s words.

“Oh my god, Grace!”

The little girl got distracted quickly by a bunch of butterflies around a bunch of flowers. She ran towards them.

Grace went to ask, “Have you tried-”

“No.” Y/n interrupted her.

“Y/n!” Grace protested. “Are you going for a monk's lifestyle or what? He’s your boyfriend!” she pushed her body up again.

“Is he?” Y/n asked, making a weird face expression.

“I don’t know. Is he?”

“Maybe?”

“I swear…two idiots in love.” Grace affirmed, falling back once more. “Don’t be like your parents, Ames!” she screamed.

“Thank you, Grace!”

“Hear me out, put some nice outfit…go on a date, and- you know!” Grace encouraged Y/n, knowing that from time to time her friend needed a little push to do the things she was excited about.

“What if he doesn’t want?” Y/n bit her nails, nervously.

“Bet you, a hundred quid, he’s going to say yes!” Grace sat back up. “Call him.”

Matty made his appearance, startling them, “Call who?”

“Fucking hell!” Grace cried out, making Y/n rolled her eyes at her. “Why you always do that, Healy?” she spat at him.

Once Amelia’s sight fell on Matty’s form, she ran towards him, colliding with his legs. The frontman picked her up, kissing the crown of her head.

“Do what?” he asked.

“Come out of the blue, scaring the heck out of me!” Grace continued, meanwhile, Matty went to kiss Y/n openly in the mouth. Y/n’s friend inevitable grinned at them.

Matty felt Grace’s staring, “What now?” he asked, not moving too far from Y/n’s side.

“Tell him, Y/n/n!” she chose to ignore his question, encouraging Y/n once again to ask him out.

“I hate you.” Y/n mumbled.

“Oh, no! You’re going to thank me later.” Grace winked at her.

“Tell me what?” Matty took a sit beside Y/n, leaving Amelia on the floor. He was scared of the two women conversations.

Y/n turned her body away from Grace, closer to Matty’s. She dared to ask him, “Do you want to go out?” with a lack of interest.

Matty stared at her face. “Sure, don’t make it sound so fun, Y/n!” Grace screamed from between her hands, amplifying her voice, making Matty laughed.

“Are you asking me on a date, Y/n?” Matty combed her hair back, staring at her eyes and then her lips, making Y/n blush.

“Yes?”

“I agree with the menace here.” Matty pointed, with a movement of his head, in Grace’s direction. “Ask me properly.”

Y/n closed her eyes for a moment, trying to ignore the embarrassment. “Do you want to go out with me, Matty?” she finally inquired.

“Yes.” Matty replied without skipping a bit.

“Told ya!” Grace pushed herself from the couch, jumping as a signal of victory. “Give me my money!” she extended her hand towards Y/n.

Matty stared at the pair of friends, “Excuse me?”

“I never agreed to that, Grace!” Y/n glanced at her best friend, offended.

Grace fought back, “You considered it!”

Y/n chose to ignore her, returning her attention to Matty.

“Tonight works for you?” he didn’t wait to ask.

She wiggled her eyebrows, “Someone’s eager, Healy?”

“About a date with my girlfriend? Always.”

“Oh, girlfriend!” Grace teased her specially.

“I hate her.” Y/n whispered for Matty, although Grace heard it.

“You don’t! And thank me because you’re going to get some because I’ll look after your daughter.”

“We can ask Denise…”

“Actually, no,” Matty scratched the back of his head. “She was doing some shit today.”

“See?” Grace felt like she won the competition.

Y/n’s friend was beyond happy for her friend, she couldn’t help to feel like the victory was more about that than anything personal.

*****************************************

Y/n walked down the stairs. Matty was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, looking extremely handsome from Y/n’s perspective.

Even though she was the one to ask him out, he was in charge of picking the place. Matty only instructed her to dress comfy, a fancy restaurant wasn’t the option.

Matty was wearing cream white trousers, a black t-shirt showing a simple design and on his feet a pair of black and white sneakers. It was so simple, although he pulled it off perfectly. Y/n, on the other hand, wore a black skirt –showing her legs–, a white plain shirt and Matty’s flannel on top. She carried a jean jacket on her arm, just in case the night was too cold.

“That’s my flannel?” Matty asked first.

“Maybe?” Y/n worried he might hate her from stealing it. “You left it in my bedroom…I can chang-”

The frontman took a few steps, stopping under the one Y/n was standing. He took her hand on his, leaving a kiss on it.“You look beautiful, baby.”

“Because I’m wearing your clothes?” Y/n teased him.

“Because you are beautiful and my wardrobe suits you.” he winked up at her.

Y/n faked coughing, saying, “Territorial.”

“Ready?”

“Yes! Scared because I don’t know where are we going.” Y/n admitted, walking all the way down the stairs without letting his hand go.

“You’ll see.” Matty replied, cryptic.

“I’m going to say bye to Amelia, and then I’m ready.” Y/n told him, when they reached the floor.

Grace was in the kitchen with Amelia. The little girl standing on a high bench made for her, so she can actually see when they cook or do something on the counter.

“Oh, you look hot!” Y/n’s friend complemented her when Y/n entered the room.

“Thanks!” she said, lifting Amelia to hug her. “Are you going to have fun with Grace?”

“Yes.” Amelia giggled, hugging Y/n.

Grace analysed her outfit, “That’s Matty’s…?”

“Yes.”

“Sexy!”

“Stop, Grace.” Y/n shut her. “Okay, bye mel-mel.”

“Bye.” Amelia answered in her cute voice..

“Mommy loves you so” Y/n kissed her cheek soundly. “so, so, so” she continued, leaving kisses “much!” making her daughter chuckled and trying to hide from it.

“Ove you, mommy!” she said back.

After the cute moment, Y/n left her again on the bench.

She went to hug Grace from behind, “Behave!” she instructed.

“Off course not!” Grace snorted. “Have fun! I’m happy for you guys.” she truthfully said.

“I love you.”

“Stop with the goodbyes…you’re not going to die, you’re going on a date!”

For a moment, Y/n’s mind couldn’t help to go directly to the multiple times she had been sick during the past weeks. Again, she had forgotten to book an appointment with her doctor. She would do it the next day.

“Say it back, grace!” Y/n urged her.

“Fine.” she whipped her hands. “I adore your crazy ass!” Grace admitted.

Y/n left a last kiss on her cheek, shouting a quick, “Bye!” running down the hall to meet Matty.

*************************************

Y/n got confused when Matty stopped the car in front of the studio. Her sight went from the iconic door to Matty’s face. He was making sure everything turned off. The singer wasn’t aware of her staring.

“Are you going to work?” Y/n decided to be frontal about her doubts.

“No.” Matty chuckled. “This is all about you, us…” he said, taking her hand.

“Explain to me why we are the studio then…”

Matty leaned forward, kissing her softly. “You have to wait, baby.” he recommended her, leaving the car.

Y/n saw him round the vehicle, going to open the boot. Matty closed it with a big sound, at the same time he carried a basket on his hand. She didn’t recall him putting it there when they got in the car.

Matty made signals for her to follow him. Y/n did, hearing the sound of the security system being turned on by him.

“What that’s for?”

“Y/n, I’m going to cover your eyes with something if you keep trying to guess.” Matty warned her.

“Kinky.” she cheekily said. Matty’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly, shocked with her words. Speechless, she left him. “This is not fair. I asked you out!” Y/n whined.

“I was faster to make a plan!” Matty offered her his hand, which Y/n took it happily.

Hand in hand, Matty conducted Y/n through all the halls and door the studio had until the last one appeared in front of them. The one leading towards the rooftop.

“You’re crazy!” Y/n turned to tell Matty, after taking a look at the big blanket on the floor surrounded by cushions and fairy lights. She couldn’t believe he did all of that in record time for her.

“George is going to make me pay for this…forever.” Matty admitted, letting go of her hand to left the basket in the middle of the blanket.

Matty stood there, staring at her, looking around. Her eyes full of something that Matty hoped it was because of him and only him.

“Do you hate it?” he nervously asked her.

Y/n returned her sight to him. It felt like a dream come true. “I love it, Matty!” Y/n moved faster to hug him tight. She was hoping it wasn’t only a dream.

“Let’s eat then.” Matty shook her playfully.

They spend a nice evening eating all the delicious food —Matty admitted that Grace helped him, detail that surprised Y/n–, chatting about everything —included their sunshine baby– and stealing kisses meanwhile the sun settle down behind them.

******************************

Y/n fell with a thud on the studio’s couch, bringing Matty down to rest on top of her. She held his head between her hands, kissing him, letting him know her intentions.

Matty broke it, supporting his weigh on his arms. His short t-shirt exposing his strong arms, making her mouth watered at the sight. Y/n pushed her hips up to meet his, founding his hard on.

“Fuck, love.” Matty hissed. “You deserve better than a quickie at the couch-” his words were interrupted by Y/n’s actions, letting her hand wandered down his body. She rested her right hand on his crouch, driving him insane.

“Matty, I need you. I don’t care where.” she told him, staring at his face. His eyes were closed, enjoying her touch where he craved her the most; his lips parted, showing how moisturized his mouth was.

“I missed this so much.” Matty breathed out, bucking his hips forwards.

“Have you been thinking about me, baby?” Y/n squeezed his cock, making him drop a heavenly amount of moans from his mouth. Matty couldn’t care less if the neighbours could hear him.

“You don’t even want to know.” he managed to say through clenched teeth.

“Oh, I do want, my love.”

“Fuck.” Matty gained back some of his composure, tracing a path from her left knee towards her core under the skirt that droved him crazy through the whole evening. “You’re so ready for me.” Matty felt the wetness damping her lacy underwear. He needed to be inside her sooner, or he would explode inside his trousers.

“Since we left home.” Y/n admitted, fighting with his zip.

Matty got rid of his shirt, muttering a low and raspy, “Y/n.”

On a quick rush, Matty pushed his trousers and boxers down enough to have his dick out of them. Y/n stared at his form, feeling extremely hot. She couldn’t rip her sight from him, while she pushed her shirt up, revealing her breasts.

Matty palmed himself, glancing at his favourite part of her. He didn’t want to wait any more.

Y/n moved her panties to the side, silently telling him to penetrate her. Her wishes were his command, so he did.

Matty let his body fell forward until their foreheads were touching. Y/n couldn’t even gasp out loud, feeling how he was slowly entering her.

Once his tip touched her special spot, Matty took notice of her tight grip on him. He let his hands wandered towards her boobs, trying to patently wait for her to be comfortable enough. His blood was pumping hard in the veins all over his body, and her scent was infecting his senses.

Y/n tried to breathe in and out, getting used to his girth –again–.

“Please, Matty. Move!” she begged him.

With a wet sound, Matty let go the nipple he was sucking, replacing his mouth with his hand once more. He was obsessed with her breasts, he could spend an entire day just sucking and nibbling her nipples.

“Are you sure?” he checked with her.

“Please.” Y/n arched her body, pushing her boob further into his touch.

Matty started moving slowly, keeping his eyes on her face, just to be sure she was alright. Y/n had her eyes closed, losing herself in the sinful pleasures he was driving from her.

The singer protested against it, “Y/n!” he suddenly said, making her open her eyes as far as she could.

“Mhm.” she replied to the call.

“Eyes on me, baby.” Matty ordered her, retracting almost all the way out. Y/n whined. “Shush, be a good girl for me.”

“Mhm.” Y/n changed the intonation, trying to say she was. The words didn’t come to her mind.

“Are you a good-” Matty stopped the words from coming out, when he pushed all the way in. “Are you a good girl for me, baby?” he fully asked this time.

“Mhm.”

“Words, Y/n.” required taking her face on one of his hands, tight but without hurting her.

Y/n looked at him through half opened eyes. “Yes!” she told him, feeling how he moved in and out more eagerly. “I’m…I’m!” she chanted. “Please!”

“Are you close?” Matty let go of her face, burring his on her neck. Y/n let her legs round his middle.

“So close!” she informed him. “Faster, Matty!” Y/n implored him.

Matty did as he was being told. Founding a good rhythm that worked for both of them.

Y/n tried to keep her eyes fully opened when Matty returned to stared at her eyes. Their faces closer than ever, while their bodies moved in unison.

“Matty-” she whimpered softly.

“I know, I know.”

“I’m cl-”

“Come for me, baby.” he allowed her.

Matty’s worked like magic over her tired body. Y/n came undone, feeling herself creamed all over Matty’s cock. Her pussy squeezing tight around him was what brought Matty to his own orgasm, pushing sloppily inside her cunt.

Y/n wait until his released was done, touching his muscular back with all the love she had more him. Matty let his weight fell on her.

“It’s never this good with someone else.” Matty, drunk of his orgasm, let it slip through his lips.

“Are you thinking about other girls when you’re still inside me, Healy?” Y/n tried to joke.

“What? No.” he mumbled on her skin. “I’m saying-”

“I know, baby. I know.” Y/n left a kiss on his sweaty forehead, making him sighed.

**************

Y/n woke up, coming into the realization that they fell asleep on the couch after Matty pulled out of her. She couldn’t think too much about it because a new wave of sickness took over her.

As gentle as she could, Y/n got out from Matty’s embrace and ran towards the bathroom. Being thankful there wasn’t a single soul at the studio, since she was fully naked. Minutes after, Y/n launched towards the toilet, emptying her stomach.

Y/n tried to be cool about it, rinsing her mouth and washing her face with cold water.

When she returned to Matty’s side, the singer woke up.

“Y/n?”

Y/n sat on the edge of the couch, feeling how Matty extended his arms to touched her. “Hey,” she let her hand ran through his curls. “We should get back home.”

“Are you okay?” Matty glanced up at her face.

“Yes, something I eat must’ve irritated my stomach.” she told him, touching the area.

Matty let his hand rest on top of hers, pushing his body up. “Baby-” he caressed the skin of her hand.

“I’m okay.” Y/n calmed his worries, touching his face. Matty went to kiss her, but she stopped him, “Don’t…” Y/n let her fingertips touch his soft and pinky lips.

“Why?” Matty dissented.

“What if I have a virus or something?”

“Then we’re going to have it…” the frontman took her hand on his, placing it where his ‘true love’ tattoo was. “I’m not going to stop kissing you only for a bug.” he scoffed.

“Matty…”

“You sure you’re okay?” his worries taking over again.

“Yes, but can we go home?”

“Of course, my love.” Matty left a kiss on the corner of her mouth, partially respecting her point.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weeks later

Y/n and Grace were in the living room watching Amelia stare with all the love inside her little body at the little animals on the screen. She was obsessed with PAW Patrol currently, and she constantly asked for it.

Matty had been away for the whole week until that point. Grace was trying her best to distract Y/n because she noticed something was off, and her best friend wasn’t having a great time. Hence why Grace and Y/n were discussing which one of the boys was each of the dogs.

“That’s Matty!” Grace shouted.

“Of course not! Marshall is clearly George…he’s ready to extinguish Matty’s fires.” Y/n knew she had won the battle.

Grace folded her arms, knowing she had lost the battle. “You’re so wrong.”

Y/n laughed at her childish behaviour, reaching for her phone. Out of instinct, she opened Instagram, bumping into news about her boyfriend. A new article.

“Fuck, not again!” Y/n rolling her eyes at the article.

That took Grace’s attention, “What?”

“Look.” Y/n let her have the phone to read the headline.

‘Close source: Matty (Healy) is after a worldwide model.’

“They never give up!”

“Never.”

Grace returned the phone to its owner, when the device started ringing, showing Matty’s contact information.

Y/n answered calmly, “Hello?”

“Darlin’, I swear it’s not-” Matty rushed his words, trying to explain Y/n all he knew.

Y/n cut him, “I know, baby.”

“I don’t know where this came from, and Jamie is talking with the journalist-” she could picture him, walking around his hotel room, tugging his curls anxiously.

“Matty?” Y/n interrupted him again, trying to be as sweet and calm as possible.

Although, he continued with his ranting. “Meet her once in my life, and it was years ago, I don’t even have her phone num-”

“Matty!” Y/n shouted sternly, walking away from Grace and Amelia.

“What?”

“I’m not making the same mistake twice. I believe you.”

“You do?” her heart warming with his disbelief. The urge to have him close was strong.

“Yes, my love.”

“I can ask Jamie to talk with you if you need.” Matty offered, still not fully taking in that she believed his words.

“I don’t. I trust you, boyfriend.”

“Thank god, baby.” Matty breathe easier. “Going through that shit again- I can’t even think about it.”

“Hey, hey…we’re okay.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you so much.”

“I know.” Y/n chuckled, feeling like a teenager. “When are you coming home again?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.” Matty complained about it, feeling like he had to wait years and not only hours to be home again.

“Perfect.”

A chaotic and repeatedly sound knocking on Matty’s door reached Y/n’s ear.

“I gotta go now.” Matty informed her.

“Okay, bye…I love you.”

“Bye, love you so much more.” Matty’s voice broke at the end. He wasn’t going to waste a single day without showering in his love.

“Bye, bye.”

Y/n held her phone, staring at the kitchen floor with a smile bigger than her face. Grace came from behind, startling her a little.

“I feel so single right now.” she protested.

Y/n felt a laugh coming from the depth of her stomach, shaking her body entirely. “Shut up!”

“Maybe I like hi-” Grace commenced to joke about Matty, when her head turned around like a whip. “Y/n?” she called her, desperate.

“What?” Y/n answered without looking.

Amelia had starting puking on the living room’s floor. Grace rushed to her side when her body fought the surprise.

“Y/n!” Grace tried again, being careful to not scream too loud to scare Amelia.

Y/n ran to them, moving Grace from the middle. She went to held Amelia, rubbing her back, trying to not freak out looking at the mess in the floor.

After a few minutes, Amelia stopped. She looked down at the weird mass there, her eyes watering when panic stroked her little body. The little girl turned around crying with all the force she had left, going to hide on Y/n’s chest. She took her in right again.

“It’s okay, baby.” Amelia’s cries raised, breaking Grace and Y/n’s heart. “I know, I know. Mommy’s here.” Y/n rocked her softly, rubbing her back to sooth her.

“What’s wrong with mel?” Grace dared to ask.

“Maybe she ate something. I’ve been like this for a few weeks now. I’m starting to get worried about it.” Y/n admitted, not fully thinking about the words she was letting out, too focused on her daughter.

“Nausea?”

“No, no…only puking from time to time.”

An idea grew inside Grace’s mind, making her open her eyes wide.

“Y/n.” she started.

“It’s probably some stomach virus-”

Grace interrupted her, “Y/n!”

Amelia’s mother, still holding the crying and scared baby, turned her head to look at Grace.

“Excuse the formalities,” Grace excused herself. “Since when you haven’t had your period?”

Y/n perfectly knew for what Grace was aiming.

“What? No, it’s not-”

“Y/n! Shut up and think!”

“I can’t remember!”

“More than a week? Two?” Grace counted with her fingers.

“More than a month and a half…” Y/n felt her cheeks hot.

“Fucking hell!” Grace shouted, making Amelia cry harder. Y/n stared at Amelia’s godmother, angry. “Sorry, sorry, baby.” Grace went to touch the little girl’s cheeks. “Y/n, you need to do a pregna-”

Y/n shushed her, “Don’t say it!”

“I’m going to drop by the shops and be right back.” Grace stood up, Y/n tried to stop her, but with Amelia in that state she had a priority.

“Grace!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine…but you need to get rid of the doubt!” Y/n friend said, disappearing.

***************************

Y/n tried to occupy her mind and her hands with something else while Grace was out.

After her daughter calmed down a little, she took her up to bathe her and change her clothes, since some vomit fell on her shirt. Y/n sang softly for her a little anthem that Matty came up for his daughter and only her. With it, she sensed Amelia relax, and even enjoy the bath time. Y/n managed to even brushed her teeth properly without a single tantrum.

Y/n let Amelia rest on the couch, keeping her body closer. They were watching a new episode of PAW Patrol, when Y/n’s hand rested partly on her forehead and crown of her head. The area was warm, way too warm. Y/n readjusted it to feel her forehead only. Amelia had a fever going on. Her mother kissed her head, deciding she was going to wait to see if it was related with her being sick earlier or not.

Grace stumbled, out of breath, into the room, holding a brown bag. “Okay, here.” she extended the bag. When her sight fell on Y/n’s face, she asked, “Did she vomit again?”

“No…but I think she’s the flu or something.” Y/n let her know, without ripping her eyes from Amelia.

“I’ll stay with Mel…shout if you need help.” Grace rushed her to move, making signals with her hands.

“Fine.”

Y/n took the bag on her hand without speaking one more word. She walked the short way to the bathroom, feeling like her feet weight like concrete.

It wasn’t her first time taking one of those tests, so the process was quicker than expected. Even though the worries clouding her mind took all of her attention. Y/n couldn’t recall detail by detail what she had been doing for a few minutes.

She let the sticks in the bathroom, setting the alarm to wait the minutes the instructions put.

“So?” Grace asked right away.

Y/n took a seat at the other end of the couch, “Have to wait.”

“Okay.” her friend stared at her to then returned to the screen.

Y/n started tapping her feet on the floor, driving Grace crazy.

“Stop that!”

“I can’t help it.” Y/n pushed her body forward, resting her elbows on her knees, rubbing her face way too harsh.

“At least-” Grace started to talk when the timer went off.

“Can’t do it.” Y/n stood on her feet, walking from side to side. Luckily, Amelia had fallen asleep.

“What?”

“Look for me.” Y/n begged.

“Fine.” Grace agreed to it. She moved, letting Amelia rest on the couch, and going to the bathroom.

Y/n’s eyes fell on her daughter. The possibility of another beautiful baby like her, even a boy, made her heart fluttered.

Grace didn’t spend a long time in the bathroom, returning with the sticks on her hand.

“Tell me.” Y/n hurried her friend.

“Haven’t seen them.”

“Then look!”

“Okay, first one…” Grace recounted what she was reading.

“Aha.”

“Negative.” Y/n’s friend said without imprinting an emotion to her words.

Y/n felt a wave of disappointment. “Mhm.” she swallowed thick.

“Second.”

Y/n didn’t speak, feeling a wave of sickness creeping her throat. She tried to keep it under control.

“Positive.”

“You have to be kidding me!” Y/n exclaimed, giggling.

“‘m not.”

“And the last one?”

“Inconsistent.” Grace told Y/n, looking directly to her eyes. She saw how Y/n’s smile fell from her face, turning to a worried expression.

“So I might be?”

“Or maybe not.”

“Shit.” Y/n let her face fell on her hands. Thinking hard about it all.

“You need to do the blood test.” Grace stated.

“Since when you know so much about pregnancies?”

“Since my best friend had a baby, do you remember how it was with Amelia?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I did my research.”

“I’m going to call the clinic.” Y/n reached for her phone and midway stopped.“Grace, what if I am…what Matty is going to think?” she worried.

“I don’t know, but I bet he’s going to be okay with it.” Grace took her hands between hers.

“And if he’s not…what would I do?”

“Y/n, first thing first…call the doctor, do the test.”

Y/n did as she was being told, booking an appointment for the next day. She needed to know and quick.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day

Y/n opened the front door for Matty, holding Amelia, who refused to be away from mommy. Even the night before, Y/n resolved for them to sleep together –on Y/n’s bed– after Amelia refused to sleep in her crib. She made her point, crying for an entire hour.

Matty had his hands full when he made his way inside the house.

“Hello.” he sang, especially for his daughter.

“Hi.” Y/n answered for both of them. Her sight going to Amelia’s face, “Say hi to daddy.” she encouraged her.

“Daddy.” Amelia shortly spoke, rubbing her eye, resting her head on Y/n’s shoulder.

Matty noticed something was clearly off, “What’s wrong, baby?” he dropped everything he was carrying, without minding the mess, going to check on Amelia.

“She’s a bit sick.” Y/n filled him in Amelia’s current state.

Matty brushed her curls back, approaching his face to hers. He wanted to take away whatever was bothering her little body and suffer himself instead of his baby.

“Oh, no! Come here.” he didn’t hesitate to take Amelia. “We’re cuddling until mel-mel gets better.” he adjusted her on his side, walking towards the living room.

Y/n followed behind them, sharing a silent look with Matty when he turned around to check she was in fact walking behind them.

******************************

“Matty?”

“Yes, baby?”

“I have to head out for a couple of hours…can you look after Mel?” Y/n asked for the favour.

“Yes, ‘course!” he looked at the exhausted baby. Amelia had been drifting in and out of sleep, being interrupted by Matty or Y/n to drink water or check her temperature.

“I’ll be right back. Whatever happens, you call me, okay?” Y/n didn’t entirely want to leave when Amelia was that sick, although she needed to know what was going on inside her own body.

“Sure.”

Matty stared at Y/n, who leaned down kissing Amelia, being careful not to wake her. “Bye, sweet cheeks. I love you”

“Mhm.” Amelia groaned on Matty's shoulder, without waking up.

“Bye.” Y/n pecked Matty quickly.

Y/n left so suddenly that Matty wasn’t able to reply to her goodbye, and his mind started running in circles about what was happening to her.

***************************************************************

Hours passed, Amelia was getting hotter and hotter. She whined constantly for half an hour, and Matty was unsure about his options. He tried to google but desist from it since nothing made sense online.

He was worried and Y/n wasn’t coming home. The frontman send her a bunch of texts, but she wasn’t seeing them.

When Amelia barely managed to open her eyes and her forehead burned his hand, he decided to start calling Y/n.

“Y/n, pick up, pick up.” he whispered, not leaving Amelia’s side.

He stopped hearing the characteristic tone calling, to the robotic voice saying: ‘the line is out of…’. Matty cut it, staring at his screen.

“Fucking hell, where’s she?” he said, annoyed, going to call her again.

He tried multiple times, checking Amelia between tries. The same answer over and over again. Matty wasn’t going to quit until Y/n’s voice came from the other end of the line.

“Please, baby.”

One, two, three tones…

“Hi, Matty.” Y/n picked up.

“Finally! Where the fuck are you?” he shouted at her.

Y/n’s voice shaking from fear, she pictured the worst, “What’s wrong?”

“Where are you?”

“Stop replying with questions! What’s going on? Amelia”

“Amelia is boiling, Y/n. She’s whining, and I don’t know how- I’ve tried everything. Nothing is working.”

“Did you take her temperature?”

“Yes, Y/n. She’s almost at 40º C”

“For how long?”

“‘Fuck I know. I’ve been trying to bring it down, it’s impossible…and calling you- I’m going to take her to the ER.” he concluded.

“Okay, I’ll meet you there.” Y/n agreed silently that it was the best option.

“Where are you?”

“Um-”

“Y/n?”

“Which hospital are you going to take her?”

“The closest one.” Matty let Y/n know, going to pick his wallet and jacket.

Y/n decided to be frontal about it, “I’m here.”

Matty stopped death in his tracks. “Y/n, please. What the fuck?”

“I’m okay, I’m okay.” she quickly reassured him.

“You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“I’m sorry, I’ll explain, okay? Just bring Amelia to the ER. I’ll be there.” He needed to be hurry up.

“Okay, okay.”

“Bye.”

“Bye. I love you.”

“Love you, please hurry!” Y/n said before the line cut.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/n was at the front desk, talking with two nurses, when Matty rushed in holding Amelia.

“Them!” Y/n said to the older woman, signalling with her fingers to father and daughter.

The youngest one walked closer to Matty, ready to take Amelia in her arms. When he didn’t move a muscle, the woman ordered, “Let me carry her.” with a calmed voice as if she went through situations like those a hundred of times.

“No.” Matty refused, making the people –waiting in the waiting room– to look at him.

“Matty-” Y/n tried.

Matty stared at the nurse, saying, “Let me know where I have to take her.”

“Sir, we need to check her.”

Y/n went to stand beside Matty, touching his back. “It’s okay, she’s going to be okay.” Y/n tried to keep the calm.

Matty stared at Y/n. After an eye battle, he let the nurse take Amelia. They followed her to a room.

“Stand there.” she instructed for the parents.

Y/n took his hand, squeezing it hard. They were too focused on Amelia laying at the emergency room’s bed to notice the doctor coming to check their daughter.

“Daddy.” Amelia moved her head, raving from the fever. Matty’s instinct was to be close to her, going to stand beside the rudimentary bed.

“Sir, please stay back!” the doctor instructed him.

“Let me hold her hand.” Matty implored.

The doctor stared at the singer, thinking how to say no, when Amelia screamed again, breaking the silence of the room, “Daddy!” Matty didn’t wait for the man’s reply. His daughter was calling him.

“Okay, but stay out of the way, so we can work.” The doctor defeated by the parent.

“Mhm.” Matty don’t even thank her, holding Amelia’s hand and brushing her wet curls back. Y/n tried to keep her tears at bay, her heart swelling for her baby girl. “We’re here, mel-mel. Mommy and daddy are here with you.” Matty whispered only for her.

After a while, the doctor looked between Matty and Y/n. Choosing to talk with her.

“Are you her mother?” she inquired.

“Yes.”

“We need to take her to the operating room right away.”

Y/n felt how her blood disappeared from her head, going directly to her feet. She held a chair beside her, preventing from falling down.“What’s going on?”

“Her appendix has exploded, or it’s about to do it. We need to operate with urgency because it can cause irreversible-”

Y/n abruptly interrupted her, “Don’t tell me. Just do it, help her, please!” she pleaded desperate.

The doctor nodded with her head, deciding to keep her silence. She shared a look with the nurse, who went to give Amelia a painkiller.

“Sir, you need to move now.”

“Matty-” Y/n called him.

“What are you going to do with her?”

“They need to intervene her, Matty.” Y/n explained.

The nurse tenderly instructed them, “Please, go to the waiting room. I’ll keep you guys updated, I promise.” she said more for Y/n than Matty.

“Thank you.” Y/n thanked her.

Matty and Y/n saw how they took Amelia away.

********************************************

Waiting room

Y/n studied the people around the waiting room. She needed something to focus while waiting. The nurse appeared –as she promised– from time to time saying everything was okay, but they still were working.

“Here.” Matty offered Y/n a coffee, arriving after visiting the hospital’s buffet.

Y/n rejected, “No, thank you.”

“Y/n, you need to drink or eat something.” Matty took a seat beside her, placing her arm around her shoulders.

“I know, but-”

“‘m also scared althoug-”

“Matty, it’s not that.” she stopped him. “I’m 100% sure everything is going to be fine. Amelia is going to be fine.”

“Yes.” Matty bobbed his head. “What’s then?”

Y/n kept her silence, returning to look around the room. Matty didn’t push her, although his mind instantly went to his principal worry before Amelia got worse.

“Why were you here? Are you okay?” he took a sip of his coffee, oblivious to Y/n’s next announcement.

“I-” she started, worried of his reaction. The words getting stucked on her throat.

“Y/n-” Matty took his arm away from her body, turning to the side to fully stared at her face. Trying to find the answers he was craving.

“Remember how I’ve been feeling sick from a time to now?” Y/n asked, without hesitation this time. Her sight falling on a little boy running around his father.

“I do.”

“Amelia puked yesterday, and I told Grace that we probably caught something…which now I’m sure it wasn’t that-”

Matty wanted to skip the extra details, so he interrupted her rant,“Y/n!”

“Be patient!” Y/n took his hand on hers. “So, Grace suggested something I really didn’t think about…”

“What?”

“When I had my last period.”

“Okay?” Matty continued to look at her puzzled.

“I couldn’t remember.”

The realization of her words hitting him, “Y/n-”

“That’s not everything. She brought pre-... tests for me to do.”

“Baby-” Y/n ignored him

She continued, “One negative-”

“Shit.”

“One positive.”

“And the other?” Matty touched her chin gently, forcing Y/n to look directly into his eyes.

“Doubtful.”

“That’s why you came here.” Matty concluded.

“Exactly.”

He waited for her so say more, so when she didn’t, he added, “And?”

“Please, don’t be mad at me. It’s fine if you don’t-”

“Y/n, are you pregnant?” Matty breathed out.

“I can’t drink that” she pointed towards his coffee. “For 9 months…or more. Do the maths, Matty.” she gifted him a smile.

“Never been the smartest. Please, say it.” Matty mumbled.

“We’re going to have another baby, Matty.” Y/n felt the tears on the corner of her eyes. Matty started crying silently.

“Oh my god!” Matty directly placed a hand on her belly. “How long?” she dried his tears falling through his cheeks.

“Doctor says I’m almost at 11 weeks…which is almost 3 months in.” Y/n shared with him. The news better sweet with the place and the situation they were surrounded by.

“Mel is going to be a big sister.” Matty stated, not tearing his sight and his hand from Y/n’s belly.

“Mhm.” Y/n couldn’t help to keep crying.

“I need to hold her for a week after this.”

“She’s going to love that.”

Y/n was interrupted by the doctor calling after them, “Healy?”

“Yes!” Y/n and Matty stood from their seats, rushing to meet her.

The doctor instructed, “Follow me”

They indeed followed her though halls and stairs, finally stopping at a hospital room. The light inside was dimmed, Y/n and Matty gasped when they saw Amelia sleeping on the bed.

“She’s under the effect of the anaesthesia.” The doctor informed Amelia’s parents. “Probably going to wake up soon. Amelia’s going to be scared of the effect, probably, so be patient. When she does wake up, touch the red button and the nurse is going to check on her.” she finished.

“Is she alright now?” Matty asked her.

“Yes, she’s out of risk…if you waited a few hours-” She stopped talking, they fully understand.

“Oh my god!” Y/n touched her chest, where her heart was.

“You did right.” she reassured them.

“Thank you, doc.” Matty held his hand towards her, she politely took it, shaking it shortly.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow morning.”

“Good night”

She got lost between the halls connecting all the rooms. Matty and Y/n went directly to stand beside Amelia.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three days later

Amelia was recovering as expected. She was tired of being away from her house, even though Y/n and Matty tried to ease it for her. They brought her favourite toys from home and even all her favourite people –the guys, Tim, and Susanne– called her. Grace and Denise dropped by right away when they found out Amelia was in the hospital.

They knew it was the last hour for them in that room. Amelia was ready to be back home, as well as her parents.

Grace came in meanwhile Matty was putting on display a play for Amelia. He wanted to distract her and made her laugh to make the hour to pass quicker than it felt. Y/n was in the bathroom since she reportedly to have to pee even more than before.

“Hello!” Amelia’s godmother shouted from the door holding balloons in her hand.

“Ace!” Amelia changed her focus of attention from her father to Grace.

Matty wasn’t happy about it, “Crushing my play…thank you, Grace!”

“Shush.” she dismissed him, going to Amelia. “This is for you, mel-mel!” Grace let her hold the threats holding the balloons. Amelia laughed watching them bounce on the air.

“How are you?” Grace checked on the little girl.

“She’s better.” Matty answered for her.

Grace turns to look at him. “Was talking with my god-daughter.” she rolled her eyes at him.

Matty went to say something; but Y/n interrupted, returning to the room. “You guys are never going to drop it?”

“Never.” they say in unison.

Y/n shook her head. Matty walked closer to his girlfriend. Amelia’s mother felt his arms sneak around her, touching her belly. It was a habit he had when she was pregnant with Amelia. Matty was bringing it back now.

Matty kissed the side of her face, when Grace interrupted their moment.

“Oh my god!” Y/n stared at her friend, knowing.

Y/n moved away from Matty. “What?” she asked, faking being oblivious about her surprise. She knew Grace knew.

“You are?”

“What?” Matty interfered.

“She knows.” Y/n silently said it was okay to share the news with Grace.

Grace started crying. “Oh my god!” she went to engulf Y/n in a hug, pushing Matty away from them, “Go away you”

“Hey!” he protested. “I’m the father!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Grace brushed him off, making Y/n laugh.

Matty returned to Amelia’s side, half whispering, half shouting, “Your godmother is crazy.”

“And I was starting to like you…” Grace warned him.

“Really?”

“Don’t steal the moment!” she shouted from Y/n’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you’re going to have another baby!”

“Who’s having another baby?” Denise showed up at the hospital door. Grace and Y/n break the hug, smiling at Matty’s mother.

“Grace and his big mouth!” Matty groaned. “Hi, mom.”

“Nana!” Amelia clapped for her.

“Hi, sweets! How’s my favourite grandchild?”

“Well, she’s not going to be the only one now…” Grace muttered.

“Grace!” Y/n and Matty yelled at the same time from opposite sides of the room.

“What?” Grace made her shoulders move up and down, innocent. “If I know, you have to tell your mom, Matthew!”

“Tell me what?” Denise said.

Matty and Y/n shared a look. Y/n bowed her head, instructing Matty to just tell his mother. “Y/n is pregnant”

“Are you the father?” Grace and Y/n burst into a fit of laughter at Denise’s antics.

“Denise!” Matty scolded her. “Of course I’m the father!”

“Are you sure?” his mother teased him.

“Learn from your mom how to be cool, Matty!” Grace suggested him.

Matty ignored his comment, replying to his mother, “I am sure.”

“Really?”

Y/n approached him, resting her hand on his back, “Don’t say it too loud, Denise. Or some tabloid is going to pick it up.” she tried to redirect the conversation.

“Jokes aside, I’m so happy for you!” Denise admitted, drying tears from her eyes. “You’re going to be a big sister, Ames!” Amelia’s grandmother shouted, making her titled her head without understanding what she was saying

“We haven’t had the chat…” Matty said.

“Oh, okay!”

Before they can continue, the doctor came in.

“Okay, time to leave, Amelia Healy!” she smiled warmly to Amelia.” I’ll ask the family to wait outside, except the parents.”

Grace and Denise left right after, respecting the protocol.

“Please, sign this while I check her one more time.” she gave Y/n a paper to put her sign in, allowing Amelia to leave the hospital.

When all the check-ups are done, the doctor informed the little girl, “Now it’s official, Amelia. You can go home with mommy and daddy!” The little girl clapping, making the rest of the presents laugh.

*******************************************************

Time to return home…

Matty placed Amelia gently on the special car chair for her, making sure not to mess with the bandage on her belly.

Y/n watched her boyfriend —father of her children, and love of her life—, jog around the car coming to the driver's seat.

When Matty drove out of the car park, Y/n turned the radio on. A very familiar chords reached their ears. ‘All I Need to Hear’ was on the radio.

Y/n grinned big, feeling how Matty took her hand to left it on his tight. During the journey, Matty’s hand travelled from the stare wheel to Y/n’s belly.

She admired the side of his face, turning after to make sure Amelia was alright. The little girl fell asleep with the car’s movement. Y/n returned to look at the love of her life, feeling like the future was with them together in it. The four of them and all the people that witness Y/n and Matty’s love story.

188 notes · View notes

taexbankai · 3 months

Text

I only want you

this is chapter 7, the other 6 are on my page!

i’m sure by now, everyone who’s been reading knows that this story comes with many different types of warnings, so yeah.. please read at your own accord

this chapter is a kinda long, i’ve been extremely busy so please excuse any typos or spelling mistakes… enjoy!

———————

“i’m almost done packing, one second!” i yelled downstairs to satoru. it’s been 2 days since the graduation party, satoru suggested that instead of me just driving back with him to pick up more clothes, i stay at his apartment with him for a few weeks. He said it’ll be good for me to get away for a little bit and to take a mini vacation. so here i am, excitedly packing my giant suitcase full of clothes, my toothbrush, my face care and hair products, makeup, heels, sneakers, literally anything i could think of

“i’m ready!” i said excitedly as i walked downstairs with my suitcase. satoru came over and grabbed my suitcase from me

“damn, it’s like you’re getting ready to move in with me” satoru said and laughed.

“i’m just so excited, i want to make sure i have an outfit for every occasion!” i told him and smiled

“i understand” he said as he smiled back at me.

“i’ll be right back, i’m going to go put our stuff in the trunk” he told me before he walked outside with our luggage

“have fun sweetie, be safe” my mom said as she gave me a hug. i missed my parents while they were away on their little trip

“good luck with satoru” my dad said as he winked. i hit him playfully

“what? he’s a good young man. a nice head on his shoulders. I wouldn’t mind if you two got together, i know that he would take good care of you” my dad said. i nodded in agreement. i didn’t have to tell my parents about what happened with yuta because as soon as they walked through the door once they came back from their trip, suguru and satoru told them everything. they were furious, especially my father.

“yeah, if suguru wasn’t so against it then that would be perfect” i said while laughing

“i don’t think he would be against it. he’s just a little over protective and he wants to prevent you from getting hurt” my mom said to me. before i could respond to her, satoru came back in the house

“okay i’m all done… you ready?” he asked me. i quickly nodded my head and gave my parents one last hug before i ran towards the door to stand next to satoru. he said goodbye to my parents and we got into his car

——————

“y/n wake up, we’re here” satoru softly said as he shook me awake. i slowly opened my eyes, looking at my surroundings before my eyes landed on the beautiful building in front of me

“holy shit, this is your apartment?!” i asked

“yeah… well it’s a condo” satoru said and laughed

“we got here so quick, it’s only 12pm” i said as i checked my phone

“you were sleep after the first 10 minutes of driving” he said

“i was too excited to sleep last night” i said, playfully rolling my eyes. satoru and i got out of the car. satoru grabbed our luggage out of the trunk and started walking towards the building. i could hardly contain my excitement as we walked through the entrance. i looked around the lobby looking at all of the expensive decor. we then walked over to the elevators and i watched satoru as he pressed the number 7

“there’s only 7 floors, i got the top floor” satoru said

“why is there only 7?” i asked

“we got the more expensive condo’s, so this building is separate from the rest of the condos in the neighborhood. i have a 2 story condo and so does suguru. the condo’s across the street are nice but they’re not as big as the ones in this building. because all of the condo’s in this building are really big, there’s only about 4 to 5 condo’s on each floor. the top floor only has mine and suguru’s condo’s though” he explained as we reached the top floor and exited the elevator

“wait.. i thought you and suguru lived together?” i asked, now confused. satoru walked in front of me, leading me down the very expensive looking hallway

“we do… we live in the same building. but we each have our own condos. we’re neighbors” he told me as we reached his door

“this is suguru’s condo” satoru said as he pointed to the door directly across from his. underneath the doorbell i saw a sign that had suguru’s name written in cursive. i turned back to satoru’s door and realize he had the same thing with his name

“you can definitely tell only rich people live here” i said and laughed, satoru laughed with me as he unlocked his door, letting me walk in first

“my dad owns this building” satoru said as he locked the door after we walked in. i stopped dead in my tracks… it was beautiful. everything was wide and clean. satoru had all white furniture with hints of black throughout the house, a huge flat screen tv above his fireplace, and cute little decorations. there was a beautiful chandelier hanging from the ceiling and huge ceiling to floor windows throughout the living room

“let me show you the kitchen” he said as we took our shoes off and walked towards his kitchen

“oh my goodness” i said as i saw the kitchen. everything was so bright and expensive looking. the sink didn’t even have handles because it was motion censored. after the kitchen, satoru took me upstairs and showed me the beautiful bathroom before showing me the guest room

“this is the guest room… if you want to sleep in here” he said as he walked over to the curtains and opened them, letting the sunlight fill the room

“if i want to sleep in here?” i repeated, turning my attention to satoru. he just smiled at me before telling me to follow him to his room. i don’t know what i was expecting, but satoru’s room exceeded those expectations. it was beautiful. he has a huge king sized bed in the center of his room. the frame of the bed was black and the sheets were white. he had matching dressers on each side of the bed. everything in his room matched his bed set. he walked me over the the balcony in his room and we stepped outside

“wow i can see the entire city from here!” i said as i leaned on the railing, looking at all of the buildings

“it’s even prettier at night” satoru said as he stood next to me, his eyes never leaving my face as he smiled at how happy i was

“i have the giant windows in here too but i keep my black out shades down during the day because my room get’s extremely bright. he said as he showed me the windows

“oh yeah, i have a bathroom in my room too. it has a shower and a separate bathtub, same color scheme as the room…nothing too special” he said and laughed. i walked over to his bathroom and my mouth dropped

“okay, this is another level of rich” i said as i looked at his spacious bathroom. the shower was big enough to fit 6 people in it, and his bathtub could fit at least 4 people in it. he had a 2 person sink and a mirror that touched both ends of the wall

“you can just sleep in here with me instead of staying in the guest room” satoru said as he laid down on his bed. i followed after him and laid down

“your bed is super comfortable” i said as i got underneath the thick blankets

“you sure you don’t mind me sleeping in here?” i asked him

“of course not” he said while laughing, getting underneath the covers with me

“oh yeah, watch this” he said. i looked over at him and watched him grab a remote and press a button, second later a huge flat screen tv came down from the ceiling until it was centered directly in front of his bed. i sat up in excitement and looked at the tv

“you’re so cool” i told him. satoru turned on the tv and put on some random movie before we ended up falling asleep

———————

when i woke up it was dark outside. i turned around and saw that satoru wasn’t in bed anymore. i reached for my phone in my pocket and checked the time

“damn, 5:12pm? i can’t believe i fell back to sleep after that nap in the car. guess i was more tired than i thought” i said to myself. i got up from the bed and walked over to the bedroom door. satoru must have been cooking something because i could hear the sound of pans hitting each other. i opened the door and started walking downstairs until i heard satoru talking to somebody. i stopped mid step

“for how long?” a girl’s voice asked

“uhh.. i’m not sure actually. maybe tomorrow, just ask him riko” i heard satoru say. riko?, so riko was here. i suddenly started to feel nervous and a little bit jealous

‘so she really does come over here a lot’ i thought

“i spoke to suguru last night and he said he was coming back when you came back” riko said

“what day is choso doing it?” satoru asked her

“not until the day after tomorrow” she said

“he’ll be back by then” satoru said. i slowly tip toed down the rest of the stairs. i walked over to the kitchen area but hid behind a wall before they saw me

“but i want you to come too” riko said. i peeked from behind the wall and saw riko walk closer to satoru, who was cooking what smelt like spaghetti

“i’m busy” he said, keeping his eyes on the food

“but i want you there. i miss you” riko said as she hugged satoru from behind. my eyes widened as i watched the interaction. i watched satoru put down the utensils he was holding. he looked like he was about to say something but i didn’t want to watch or hear anymore. i walked out from behind the wall and walked right into the kitchen, when satoru and i made eye contact he looked like he just saw a ghost. when riko saw me she immediately let go of satoru

“y/n..when did you get up? i was just about to come check on you” he said, a small smile on his face

“oh..you’re y/n, suguru’s little sister… i remember you” riko said as she walked up to me with a smile on her face. she was pretty, her hair looked cute and her eyes were big and beautiful. i can see why satoru fell in love with her. my insecurities started to crawl up my spine, i could feel my tears threatening to show

“what are you doing at satoru’s house? suguru lives next door” she asked

“visiting” i said, trying to keep my composure

“are you hungry? i’m making us dinner” satoru asked me, walking up to me, gently grabbing me by my waist. he knows me too well, he can tell something was wrong and he obviously knew what it was

“oh, i thought you were making dinner for me and you. spaghetti is my favorite after all” riko said. i bit my lip to hold in my tears, i’ve been a big crybaby and extremely sensitive recently and the last thing i need is riko seeing me cry because of me being jealous

“i forgot something in your car… can i get the keys please?” i said, my voice low and my head down as i didn’t want to make eye contact with satoru

“it’s hanging on the hook by the door. i can come with you if you wan-“

“i’m fine. thanks” i said before i turned around and walked to the front door. i put my crocs on, grabbed his car keys and walked out the door. the minute i closed the front door my tears started falling. i stood there crying for a few minutes before i violently wiped my face

“stop being so damn emotional y/n. it’s not like you’re dating him…she can come over whenever she wants” i said to myself as i walked over to the elevator. i pressed the button to take me to the lobby.

“i just need some fresh air” i said as i left out of the elevator. i started walking in the direction of the entrance door but someone caught my eye. i saw a guy sitting down on one of the chairs in the lobby area. he had dark hair that was pulled into two buns, his eyes were dark and he had a long mark across his nose. aside from the fact that he was obviously attractive, he looked extremely familiar

“choso?” i said out loud. the man looked up from his phone and right at me

“yeah?” he asked, confusing written all over his face. i smiled a little bit as i walked over to him, sitting down on the chair next to him

“it’s me y/n…. suguru’s little sister” i said. his eyes widened in realization

“oh wow, i was thinking that you kind of resembled suguru but i didn’t think you were his little sister. you’ve grown a lot since the last time i saw you” he said, turning off his phone and giving me his full attention

“i know, it has been a while..i’m 18 now. so what are you doing here?” i asked him, my smile growing bigger

“waiting on riko, we have to go somewhere after this. what about you?” he asked

“i’m staying with satoru for a few weeks” i told him

“oh really? why? if you don’t mind me asking” choso said, turning his body to face me

“a lot of stuff happened. my ex boyfriend cheated on me, i got into a fight. just all kinds of shit, so toru told me to come out here and get away from all of that for a few weeks” i told him, feeling embarrassed about telling him just how fucked up my life has been these last few days

“that’s fucked up. i couldn’t imagine someone cheating on you, you’re so cute and you’re a nice girl” choso said to me. i felt my heart rate pick up a little bit at his compliment

“thank you” i said as i smiled at him

“of course beautiful” choso said and smiled back at me

“are you seriously flirting with her right now choso?” choso and i both turned around and saw satoru walking up to us, riko following behind him with a sad look on her face

“what? am i not allowed to tell her she’s beautiful” choso asked

“no, you’re not” satoru said as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to stand next to him

“interesting” choso said as he smirked

“i actually have a little brother around your age” choso said as he stood up and took out his phone

“this is him” he said, turning the phone around and showing me a picture of him and yuji

“what?! yuji is your brother? stop lying” i said, not believing what he was saying

“yep. suguru actually told me a while back that you’re friends with my brother” choso said while laughing

“you’re so pretty, i’m surprised he never tried to make a move on you” choso said. i laughed at him, i felt satoru’s grip on my wrist tighten. i saw choso look at satoru and then back to me, another smirk growing on his face, but i chose to ignore it

“yuji is one of my best friends” i said to choso

“our dinner is getting cold, let’s go” satoru said as he started pulling me back towards the elevator

“wait… y/n i’m having a party in a couple of days. do you want to come?” choso asked me

“sure!” i told him

“great, just give me your number and i’ll send you the-“

“she’ll show up with me, you don’t have to send her shit” satoru said as he continued walking towards the elevator. the elevator ride and the walk back to satoru’s house was awkward. once we were inside the house i took my shoes off and placed satoru’s car keys back on the hook

“come eat” he said as he walked into the kitchen. i silently followed him into the kitchen and saw that he had the table made up and our plates already sitting on the table

“i had to cover them before they got cold because you were down there chatting it up with choso” satoru said as he sat down. i remained silent and sat down across from him

“so did you find what you were looking for in the car?” he sarcastically asked me

“no satoru, i only left out of the house because i didn’t want to be in here when your ex girlfriend was hugging on you and telling you how much she missed you and wants to eat your cooking” i said

“i didn’t know she was going to do that” satoru said as he sighed, uncovering his food and picking up a fork

“i told you i had to get our relationship under control. she hasn’t been doing well with rejection” satoru said as he began eating. i uncovered my food and stopped to take a picture of it, satoru did such a good job, it looked delicious. i put my phone down and proceeded to finish my conversation with satoru

“you’re too lenient with her” i told him

“how do you know? you don’t know how i treat her” he said before taking another bite of his food

“i can clearly see you’re not tough enough based on how she acted today” i told him. he nodded his head and decided to drop the whole conversation

“i’m sorry, i didn’t know she was going to hug me and say all of the stuff she did, honestly” he said

“it’s okay, don’t apologize. you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s my fault for being so sensitive ” i said and looked at him, feeling bad that he keeps getting caught in the middle of my mood swings

“and thank you for the food”

—— skip to choso’s party———-

i was nervous as i approached choso’s house with satoru, suguru and yuki

“you guys look so cute with your matching outfits on, babe we should have matched” yuki said as she turned to suguru

“i know right. toru agreed when i told him we should match!” i told her, happy she think’s it’s cute. satoru and i had matching shirts on, mine saying “if lost return to stupid” and satoru’s shirt saying “hi, i’m stupid”. satoru had black pants on and i had a black mini skirt to match the color of the shirt

“she didn’t let me see what it was until 30 minutes ago” satoru said

“it’s okay stupid, you look nice” suguru said as he patted satoru on the back, earning a slap from satoru. we opened the door and walked in. i was immediately bombarded by the smell of weed and alcohol. there were tons of people inside of the house. i reached for satoru’s hand to make sure i didn’t get lost. he held my hand and we followed suguru and yuki to the backyard

‘they love meeting in backyards’ i thought as i continued holding onto satoru’s hand as we walked up to their group of friends

“what’s up man” nanami said as he dabbed up satoru and then suguru

“oh hey, you made it” i looked to my left and saw choso walking up to me

“thanks for inviting me” i said to him as i squeezed satoru’s hand tighter, now super shy since everyone’s attention was on me

“are you satoru’s girlfriend?” nanami asked me

“she’s my little sister” suguru answered before i could

“oh i remember her!” haibara said as he came up to me, greeting me

“so you’re not dating? just holding hands for fun?” nanami asked satoru sarcastically

“she’s never been to a college party before. i was holding her hand to make sure we didn’t get separated” satoru said

“aww how cute!” yuki said. i love yuki, she’s literally my number 1 supporter

“so to sum it up… you’re single right?” choso asked me

“she’s not up for grabs choso, don’t get any ideas” satoru said as he looked at choso.

“okay okay, i won’t ask her out…yet” choso said as he smirked, he then walked over to suguru and threw his arm around his neck before they walked off, talking about something. satoru started talking to haibara and nanami but i kept my eyes on suguru and choso. i could see choso say something and then look over to me and satoru before he started laughing. suguru said something back and also looked over at us

“y/n come join the girls over here!” yuki said. i turned my attention to yuki and reluctantly let go of satoru’s hand before i walked over to where she was at. she was sitting by the pool with shoko, riko, and 2 other girls i’ve never met before

“y/n this is mei mei and this is utahime. girls this is y/n, suguru’s little sister as you’ve just heard” yuki said, introducing me to the girls

“nice to meet you both!” i said to them. they smiled and greeted me back

“you’re such a cutie! i don’t know how you can stand to be around satoru” utahime said to me. i started laughing

“he’s really kind” i told her

“do you want to get in the water with us?, we’re gonna go swimming soon” mei mei asked me

“oh i didn’t bring a swim suit, i didn’t know there was going to be a pool” i told her

“don’t worry, i bought 3 extra bathing suits today for riko but she ended up bringing her own so instead of brand new swim suits going to waste, you can have them. they’re adjustable too so you should be able to fit them” mei mei said

“are you sure?” i asked her

“yeah of course! follow me into the house, you can get changed in there” mei mei said as she led me into the house

“thank you!”

————

“i can’t believe they started smoking without us” shoko said as we watched the guys stand in a circle, talking and passing a blunt around

“the water is better anyways” utahime said as she did laps around the pool

“the water feels really nice” i said and smiled, thankful that mei mei had extra swimsuits

“hey have you guys ever had a shroom before?” mei mei asked us. everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at her

“no.. what’s a shroom?” i asked her

“it’s a mushroom that makes you hallucinate” shoko said

“hallucinate?!” me and riko yelled at the same time

“it’s just like weed but a little stronger” mei mei said while laughing

“i have some with me… want to try?” she asked us. shoko and yuki both said yes as they’ve had them before, utahime took one shortly after. riko looked at me and i looked back at her

“should we?” she asked me

“if you take one i’ll take one” i told her

“deal” she said, we both took one of the shroom chocolate bars from mei mei. after we all ate the bars, everyone went back to talking amongst themselves. i turned to talk to riko

“hey, can i ask you a question?” i asked her

“sure” she said

“do you still have feeling for toru?” i asked

“yeah… do you?” she asked

“yeah, i’ve been in love with him for a long time” i told her honestly

“yeah i’ve heard. at first, i was going to try and get satoru back but the other day when i was over at his house when he cooked both of you dinner, he yelled at me after you left. he said he was done messing around with me and that he wants to take your guys relationship to another level” she told me, i was shocked from hearing this

“i was sad at first, but then i realized that it’s my fault that satoru and i aren’t together anymore, so i just accepted defeat” she said, lightly laughing towards the end of her sentence

“you seem cool, i wouldn’t mind being friends with you if you don’t have a problem with it” riko said

“yes we can be friends!” i told her as i nodded my head and gave her a hug, she immediately hugged me back and we started swimming around in the water

“when did the two of you become besties?” i heard satoru ask as he walked over to us

“since now” i said and smiled at him

“that’s good” he said and smiled back at me

“can you not smile at her like you’re head over heels in love right in front of me? i’m still healing here” riko said jokingly making us laugh

“all of the guys are going to go back inside and get something to drink, do you want anything?” he asked me

“no i’m okay” i told him

“okay, if you need me i’ll be in there okay?” he said

“she’s a big girl satoru, she’ll be fine” suguru said laughing at satoru. he then walked with satoru and the rest of the guys into the house. we all stayed in the pool for 10 more minutes before we were ready to get out

“those shrooms kicked in fast, i feel like i’m having an out of body experience right now” i said as i fell onto the grass after getting out of the pool

“help.. i can’t get out” riko said to me. i turned around to help her out of the pool, i grabbed her hand and pulled her up until she ended up falling onto of me. we just sat there laughing

“yeah… you two are fucked up. she wasn’t even inside of the pool anymore” shoko said. i looked over at yuki and saw that she was laughing while recording us

“omg really?” i said, not believing that riko wasn’t actually in the pool

“man suguru is gonna kill me for giving his baby sister shrooms” mei mei said as she started laughing

“he’s not. i won’t tell him i promise” i said as i stood up, using riko’s body to help me stand without falling

“you won’t have to tell him, he’s gonna be able to tell by taking one look at you” utahime said

“hey… have you guys seen toru?” i asked the girls as i walked over to yuki, my legs almost giving out as everything around me started to get a little fuzzy

“he said he was going inside with the guys remember? he told you himself ” yuki said as she grabbed me and helped me stand up straight

“i miss him, i want to see him” i said as i started putting my clothes back on, quickly taking the swimsuit off so nobody inside the house would see me naked

“are you two dating yet?” shoko asked me, a smirk coming to her face

“not yet, but he’s mine. i won’t let anyone else have him” i said, my words slightly slurring as i walked towards the house, the girls followed after me. i made my way through the house full of loud music and people dancing. the main house lights were off and there was flashing strobe lights throughout the house.

“the kitchen’s this way” i turned around and saw yuki next to me. she grabbed my hand and walked me to the kitchen

“thank you, yuki i love you” i said to her as i gave her a hug. she laughed and told me she loved me too as we walked through the kitchen doors. luckily the normal lights were on in the kitchen and i was able to actually see. suguru, satoru, choso, nanami, haibara and a guy i’ve never seen before were standing around the kitchen island taking shots.

“my legs! it’s hard to walk” i turned around and saw riko being carried into the kitchen by mei mei and shoko

“riko, PLEASE get it together” shoko said while utahime and mei mei laughed

“toru!” i said as i ran over to satoru. he immediately opened his arms and i gave him a hug, keeping my face buried in his chest

“you smell good” i said to him

“thank you” he said and smiled at me

“hey, who’s that?” i hard an unfamiliar voice ask. i turned around to look at the person speaking

“this is y/n, my little sister. y/n this is mahito” suguru said

“nice to meet you cutie” mahito said as he walked over to me, outstretching his hand so he could grab mine

“h-hi” i said, feeling shy

“don’t be a weirdo” satoru said as he slapped mahito’s hand away from me

“yeah mahito. plus i’ve already called dibs on her, right suguru” choso said as he poured himself another shot

“what are you talking about” satoru asked as he looked at choso and then suguru

“come on gojo man… take a shot and relax a little” haibara said as he started pouring another shot

“no, i’m driving home tonight” satoru said as he refused the drink

“i’ll take it!” mei mei as she walked over to the counter

“let’s all take one ladies” she yelled as she grabbed more shot glasses and started pouring all of us shots

“yayyy!” i said as i started giggling, excited to take a shot

“are you high y/n?” suguru asked me as he walked over to me and lighted grabbed my face

“no” i lied, hoping he wouldn’t see through my lie

“she’s more than high. i was just about to ask her myself” satoru said

“don’t lie to me, what did you smoke?” suguru asked me

“i didn’t smoke anything” i told him

“suguru leave that girl alone, she’s grown” mei mei said as she finished pouring the last shot

“what did you give her?” suguru and satoru asked at the same time

“only 1 shroom” she said

“a shroom?!” haibara yelled

“i want one!” he said as he walked over to mei mei. suguru sighed as he ran his hand over his face. he turned back to me and looked me over carefully

“are you okay?” he asked, his face and tone dead serious

“yes sugu, i’m fine i promise” i said as i gave him a hug. he hugged me back before he looked back at satoru. no words were exchanged between the two but they were definitely talking with their eyes

“alright, stay close with satoru for the rest of the night okay?” suguru said. i nodded my head. he took one last look at satoru before he turned around and walked over to yuki who was already on her second shot

“can you pass me one please?” i asked mei mei as she poured more shots

“no, you don’t need anymore of anything” satoru said as he grabbed my waist and pulled me against him, my back now firmly pressed against his chest

“toruuuuu, pleaseeee just one?” i asked him

“no” he said. i turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck

“pretty please toru. i’ll be done after this i promise” i told him as i looked into his pretty blue eyes. he stared down at me for a few seconds, wrapping his arms around my waist and not breaking eye contact. he then leaned down to whisper something in my ear

“you look so pretty right now” he whispered. he stood straight up again and we locked eyes again, a smile slowly made it’s way onto my face. suddenly feeling bold, i pulled satoru down enough for my face to reach his and i kissed him, in which he immediately kissed me back, his arms tightening around my waist

“oh my GOSH, get a fucking room. there’s single people around still… HELLO!” shoko yelled while laughing. i broke the kiss and quickly spun around, now completely embarrassed as everyone was laughing, even suguru. i locked eyes with riko and saw that she was the only one not laughing, she looked sad and hurt

“s-sorry” i said to everyone as i snatched a shot off the table. i looked at satoru to make sure he wasn’t looking before i finished the drink. everyone started drinking, talking and having a good time. after a few more hours the party started to die down as some people started to leave. it was 1:30 in the morning and we had moved from the kitchen to the living room and was sitting on the couches

“satoru can i talk to you for a second?” riko asked as she walked up to satoru who was sitting beside me on the couch

“sure” he said as he stood up and followed her upstairs. i watched them as they both disappeared out of my line of vision. my mood dropped drastically after satoru left, but i tried not to let anyone notice the change

“want to go spy on them?” choso asked me as he sat down next to me, where satoru was previously sitting

“huh?” i asked, acting confused

“come on” choso said as he pulled me up by my wrist and guided me towards the stairs. i looked over my shoulder to where suguru was sitting, he was making out with yuki so he didn’t see me get up and leave. we made it upstairs and choso stopped in front of a half opened door. he put his finger up to his lips telling me to be quiet before he leaned towards the door. i leaned forward also to hear the conversation between the two

“just one more time and then i’ll leave you alone, i promise” i heard riko say

“riko i-“

“please satoru! it’s not like you’re dating her”

“i told you i was cutting off everything romantic with you”

“sex isn’t romantic unless you make it romantic satoru”

“it’s too intimate riko”

i moved in front of choso and looked through the crack of the door as saw riko and satoru standing inside of the room. they continued to argue before riko started hitting satoru on his chest

“i hate you! i hate you!” she yelled, tears streaming down her face as she continued to hit him. satoru pushed her back onto the bed and pinned her arms down to stop her from hitting him, she then began kicking and screaming about how unfair he’s being

“riko, stop” satoru said as he remained calm. after a little more fighting, riko finally gave up trying to hit satoru and began crying. satoru let go of her arms and sat down next to her on the bed. riko leaned over and started crying on satoru. he wrapped his arms around her and comforted her. i watched as he hugged her and stroked her head, telling her ‘everything was alright’ and to ‘let it all out’. i was jealous, beyond jealous at the sight. i stood up straight again and stared off into space, deep in thought. choso took a peak inside of the room before he turned around and faced me again

“y/n-“ he said but i didn’t let him finish. i walked past him and right into the room where riko and satoru were. choso stayed hidden outside of the door. i made eye contact with a very shocked satoru

“y/n, what are-“

“i’m going home with suguru tonight…and then i’m going back home to my house” i said, cutting him off. i turned around ready to walk out of the room. in less than 3 seconds, satoru was already behind me with a strong grip on my wrist

“wait, if you’re upset about what just happened then i can explain” he said. i shook his hand off of my wrist and turned around to face him

“i’m not mad. you can comfort your ex who cheated on you all you want. let her cry in your arms about how much she wants to fuck you and how she misses you even though SHE’S the one who cheated! do what you want, i don’t care satoru” i said turning back around

“y/n it’s not like that, she’s just drunk… and so are you, try to calm down” he said, grabbing me again

“let go of me” i said

“y/n”

“LET GO OF ME NOW” i yelled, tears rolling down my face. i watched satoru stare at me, his face turning red from anger before he let go

“i don’t get why you’re so upset. you act like we’re dating. even if i did end up fucking her that has nothing to do with you!” he yelled. i stood there in shock for a couple of seconds, just looking at satoru

“you’re right. sorry” was all i said before i turned around and started walking towards the door

“wait y/n i didn’t” i didn’t let satoru finish his sentence as i slammed the door closed on his face. i stood outside the door, still holding onto the doorknob before i started silently crying. choso who was still standing there looked at me in surprise

“come here” he said as he grabbed my hand and made me follow him into a room. we walked in and he closed the door before turning on the light

“this is my room. you can chill in here until you’re ready to come back out. i’m sorry, i guess we shouldn’t have followed them” he said. i just stared at him, feeling extremely thankful to this handsome man in front of me

“i’ll be downstairs if you need me okay?” he said as he was getting ready to leave

“wait.. can you stay?” i asked him. he turned around and smiled at me before making his way over to this bed and sitting down next to me. it was silent for a couple of minutes before choso spoke up

“you know he didn’t mean those words right?” he said to me. i looked over at him as we made eye contact

“he was just upset. trust me, he’s very possessive over you even though you’re not dating. i was talking to suguru about it actually, i told him i wanted to make satoru jealous tonight and suguru said he didn’t mind cause its obvious that satoru has feelings for you” choso continued. i had stopped crying by now and was listening to choso speak. we began to slowly talk about other things and choso made me feel a lot better

“y/n?… y/n? are you up here?” i heard suguru’s voice yell from the hallway. i stayed silent as choso looked towards the door

“what happened? and where is she satoru” i heard suguru ask, by the tone of his voice he sounded extremely pissed off

“we got into an argument and she walked off. she said she was going home with you and leaving back to her house later on… that was almost 30 minutes ago now” satoru said. i heard suguru sigh

“what were you arguing about?” suguru asked him. while satoru was explaining what happened, choso turned back to face me

“i got an idea” he said while whispering

“what?” i asked him, whispering back

“let’s make satoru jealous” he said, a smile growing on his face

“okay, how?” i asked, suddenly loving the idea of making satoru mad

“let’s pretend we’re having sex” choso said. i was speechless as i stared at him

“if you’re uncomfortable then-”

“no… let’s do it” i said, my adrenaline suddenly racing at the excitement of satoru walking in on me and choso ‘having sex’

“okay.. lay down” choso said. i laid down and watched choso take his shirt off

“we are still.. pretending right?” i jokingly asked as i started laughing. choso laughed at my question before he opened my legs and wrapped them around his waist

“gotta make it believable babygirl ” he said as he leaned down next to my ear. his voice was so deep it sent shivers down my spine. if i would’ve dated choso instead of yuta after satoru rejected me then i probably would’ve actually gotten over satoru

“is it alright if i touch you and kiss you?” choso asked me as he made eye contact with me. i nodded my head and he reached for something in his dresser. he then showed me a small pink vibrator

“i’ll put this in beween us while i grind into you so your moans sound real” he said with a small smile on his face, i quietly laughed and said okay. choso turned the quiet vibrator on before putting it inside of his sweats so it was touching his dick. he grabbed his blanket and covered our bodies with it as he hovered over me.

“she’s probably with choso” i heard yuki say as she came upstairs. mine and choso’s attention turning back to them outside of the door

“with choso?” satoru asked

“yeah, they came upstairs together a while ago, i haven’t seen them since” yuki said. it was silent for a second before suguru spoke up

“don’t make that face satoru, it’s choso. he’s not going to do anything to her” suguru said. i could hear more footsteps coming up the stairs as more of suguru’s friends started asking him where choso and i were at and what was going on

“ready?” choso asked me, my attention turning back to him. i slowly nodded my head. choso pressed himself against me and i felt the vibration of the vibrator against my pussy

“oh shit” i gasped at the sensation. choso groaned as he buried his face into the side of my neck. he started slowly grinding his hips into mine, the friction plus the vibrator making my heart beat quicken

“choso!” i moaned loudly as he moved his hand underneath my shirt to play with my nipples. i quickly forgot about the pretending and making satoru mad. choso’s headboard on his bed started hitting the wall from the force of his movements as his hips staring grinding harder and faster into me

“choso it… it feels…choso!” i was a moaning mess, barely able to get my words out, this little vibrator was powerful

“f-fuck” he moaned out as he looked at me, his hips never stopping or slowly down

“if you keep moaning my name like that, i’m going to lose the little bit of self restraint i have left” he said

“choso don’t stop please” i moaned out, completely ignoring what he just said. he looked down at me, the look in his eyes suddenly turning dark

“keep it up and i’m going to fuck you for real y/n” he said, his face completely serious as we held the most intense eye contact i’ve ever had in my life. before i could respond to his statement, we heard commotion coming from outside of his bedroom door

“wait, satoru just calm down for a second” i heard suguru say

“gojo don’t do it, it’s probably not even her in there” nanami said. there was a moment of silence before a series of fast, loud, angry knocks started hitting choso’s door.

“open the door” satoru said, his voice low and cold

“i’m busy right now” choso yelled out, his hips never stopping as he leaned back down and started kissing me on the neck, which caused me to moan

“choso, open the door right fucking now” satoru said, his knocks becoming harder. choso stayed silent

“if i open this door and see y/n in your bed… i’m going to fucking kill you choso” satoru said as he started banging on the door. choso chuckled into my neck, his movements still going, making the headboard continue to hit the wall. satoru finally stopped banging on the door and tried to open it instead, quickly realizing that the door wasn’t locked. the door swung open and satoru immediately came in, everyone running into the room after him. choso reached in between us and into his sweats to turn the vibrator off before satoru reached us. choso stopped moving but kept the blankets over us, he looked over at satoru with a smirk on his face. everyone’s faces were full of shock as they looked at mine and choso’s position

“can’t a man get a little bit of privacy in his room with his girl?” choso said to satoru. that was the breaking point for satoru. he rushed over to the bed and roughly pulled choso off of me before throwing him to the floor and punching him in the face. he was about to punch him again but suguru and nanami grabbed his arms and pulled him away from choso. i got off of the bed and walked over to choso to make sure he was okay

“this was a stupid idea choso! are you okay?” i whisper-shouted to him so only he could hear me. he laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his lap

“i’m okay baby, it didn’t hurt” he said to me while looking right at satoru, a smirk on his face

“choso what are you doing?” yuki asked him, her anger starting to get the better of her

“what? satoru told y/n that he can fuck anybody he wants because they’re not dating so why can’t i fuck y/n? she’s single.. right satoru?” choso said

“y/n” satoru said sternly. i was too scared to turn around and face him

“we’re leaving, now” he said. i got off of choso’s lap and stood up, choso stood up after me, but i stayed standing next to choso, my head down looking at my feet

“aw man…looks like she wants to stay with me-” choso didn’t get to finish his words because satoru abruptly walked up to me and grabbed my hand and pulled me next to him. he didn’t say anything to me. he grabbed my phone and purse from shoko before we silently walked out of the room, leaving everyone shocked in silence. we walked down the stairs and out of the house.

the ride back to his house was silent.

—————————

it took everything in me to not make y/n and choso hook up. i loveeeee satoru but choso is second on my list lol…. anyways, the next chapter is the moment you’ve all been waiting for ;)

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POLARIS

Disclaimer: I do not own Maliksi, or Makisig (the Tamawo bros). Full Credit goes to HC - @ask-emilz-de-philz. Please check out their blog for amazing art and the wonderful world of Planet Puto.

A/N: This one is the sequel to Rough around the Edges. The last chapter (Rough Around the Edges - Final Part) may seem rushed- honestly, it is. Not in a way that I wanted to finish it at that, but my ADHD brain sometimes gets sudden bursts of ideas that I need to quickly get into my drafts, however, my fingers are too slow to type everything. Those I didn't get to type is somehow forgotten or changed into something else, thus explains the inconsistencies in pace, typos, wrong grammar, and other imperfections in my writing. (No, I am not sad or apologetic about it. I have a lot to improve and I have all the time in the world :D ) Still, I am thankful for everyone who takes time to read the products of my mind. I love writing about Maliksi btw, I think his character is complex and simple in itself and I am absolutely smitten with him. <3 Love HC and everything they do, as well as my fellow Planet Puto fans and enjoyers.

((AND NO, I AM NOT HURTING YOUR HEARTS THIS TIMEEE))

"Hey old hag, slow down or do you wanna get your second hip replacement right away?" Maliksi grumbled as he helped Amor's granddaughter, Maricela sit into a chair at the patio. She and Maliksi became friends- sharing their adoration for Amor.

Maricela has been old now and being in her 70's wasn't that enjoyable for her. She recently got hip replacement surgery and her grandchildren will be coming home from the city next week to take care of her.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure Lola Amor loved not getting this old. That woman died pretty." Maricela softly chuckled. "Thank you for visiting, Maliksi."

Maliksi scoffed. "Yeah, yeah. Can't have you tumbling around your backyard again before Amor scolds me on my dreams."

"Lola visits you on your dreams? Wait, you guys sleep?"

"If you were any younger I would've smacked you on your head by now. Ofcourse we sleep! We're not vampires! And no, she doesn't visit my dreams, that snobby little lady not even showing herself to me...even once."

"Not like you visited her when she was still alive!" Maricela burst out laughing.

"To my defense, I absolutely have no idea how time works outside Biringan. I didn't bother finding out before losing her." Maliksi softly answered.

"Atleast you're learning now. How's your Kuya Makisig? Still busy with his tamawo duties?"

"Yeah, as always."

"If you both didn't tell me everything about tamawos or explained how you guys' relationship with the humans work, I would've stayed there. I was crushing hard on your Kuya when I was younger." Maricela giggled.

"Well, you're a widow now want me to get Kuya to-"

Maricela, even being that old was still strong enough to playfully bonk Maliksi on his head. "Oh shush! Have some respect to your elders, how can you pimp me like I'm some kind of sugar baby wannabe."

Maliksi clutched his stomach from laughing too hard. "C'mon. I'm technically older than you by a lot!"

"You have a point. You should visit here next week. My grandchildren will be throwing a little party since this is the first time they'll be going home here in the province in a very long time. We'll have a lot of sweets and kakanin for sure."

"Next week huh? Seven human days, sure...I'll set that in my calendar so I won't miss it."

Maricela's laughter filled the air as her younger grandchildren pushed her wheelchair around the yard. Most of Maricela's family stayed at the city and rarely visited the province. The kids are absolutely enjoying it, having a chance to play in the sun and have fun on an open yard for the first time.

Maliksi quietly watched as he picks up a plate, ignoring the other savory dishes and going straight to the dessert section. The family members just thought of Maliksi as anak ng kapitbahay who looks after their Lola Maricela whenever he's free so he is treated warmly, oftentimes greeted by everyone who passes by his table.

Maliksi was spooning some lecheflan right out from the llanera when a shy boy approached his table and placed a platter of kutsinta right infront of him.

"My ate told me to give this to you." The boy shyly said before running away to join his cousins.

He tilted his head, eyes scanning the plate of steamed rice cake in front of him.

Amor still makes the best one.

Kutsinta is still his favorite, no doubt about that, yet he couldn't get himself to eat it after learning about Amor's passing, knowing nothing can top her kutsinta- it's the best he's ever tried even after being alive for centuries afterall.

Maliksi looked around, knowing that the kakanin might be prepared by one of Maricela's relatives, or worse, by one of her grandkids. Not wanting to be rude towards the one who made it, Maliksi slowly picked up a piece, inching it closer to his mouth before taking a bite.

His eyes widen as he quickly stood up from his seat, Maricela and her family were surprised at his suddenness, all eyes staring at him in bewilderment.

"Is everything okay, ijo?" one of the aunties asked Maliksi.

He quickly realized his actions, clearing his throat to gain composure and sitting back down calmly. "I- Sorry, it's just..the kutsinta is...good. Who made it?"

"Oh, must be Y/n. Lola Maricela's granddaughter who just graduated college. She loved cooking."

Maliksi heard a soft chuckle from behind him. He slowly turned around to see who it's coming from.

"Tastes like the best kutsinta ever, huh?" You stood infront of him, giving him a smug smile.

"You look like a kutsinta type of guy so I asked my lil bro to give you some. You like it?"

Maliksi stood frozen in place, his mind wandering to places. It is indeed the best kutsinta. Hell, it tastes like Amor's. He cannot forget that taste even after so many years.

The nostalgia brought by that single bite alone is enough to take him back to that time when Amor would make kutsinta and place it somewhere he'll find since he's too prideful before to accept anything from humans. He won't be able to resist it and just tell himself that Amor didn't give it to him- he 'sneakily' stole it from the human girl and enjoyed every last bits of it.

"I might not remember him, but my heart and soul will know him once we meet again."

"You...made this?"

You nodded. "Yeah, aside from the kutsinta itself, the secret actually lies on-"

"On the yema that is spread lightly on the top of the kutsinta before it's sprinkled with grated coconut." Maliksi finished your sentence which made you chuckle a little bit.

"How did you know that? Not everyone does that."

"A...friend of mine made it like that." Maliksi softly answered.

#philmytcrea #planet puto #rp tamawo #planetputo #maliksithetamawo #PLEES ACCEPT DIS AS AN APOLOGY FOR THE ANGSTT

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astranite · 2 months

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*grumble rant mostly complaining in a big block paragraph chucked out to the void* executive dysfunction issues feel so ridiculous because even when i know exactly what step i need to do next— read the articles for uni essay. Why i need to do it— so i have a base from which to figure out a thesis (look that might cause problems in What am i arguing, but thats a solvable issue if i can focus enough to fix it) to do the rest of the next steps. And how— i have no trouble reading or analysing complex texts. None of that fixes the Cannot Concentrate problem. The articles arent even boring and i like learning new things and im the sort of person know to literally read random bits of textbooks for fun. And i Want to do it. Because i like reading and writing and analysing stuff even above it being important for uni work. But ive spent the afternoon scrolling tumblr, checked my email thrice, left bite marks on my good pen, and literally stared at a blank wall rather than read the article on my screen even when i put away the aforementioned tumblr so now i want to scream. And it makes it difficult to ask for help because people assume its one of the other problems as they aren’t familiar with brain literally wont do it. And being “”clever”” doesnt help (even putting aside the frustrating fact that I couldve done this at 15 and done well and wouldve liked it) because its an entirely different thing (uncannily good pattern recognition and Details and long term memory for facts lead to analytical skills because everything ever is a giant interconnected web, but to focus they do not.) And the classic advice of ‘dont be a perfectionist’ which somehow people also go to isn’t actually what is happening here. The reason things are either in a not even submittable note or its living in my head stage or straight up noting then completed to high level (typos and formatting editing aside as at the last minute those are predictably first to go in the calculation of time to marks) is because the gap of executive function between nothing and even done at all is very large but the subsequent gap between done and done well is limited. My very particular flavour of autistic adhd coming through yet?

So hence rather frustrated especially as here i am trying to do the responsible thing of not starting at the last minute because the research alone will Take Time. And given its the final essay I would prefer not to entirely fuck it up. But ah well, so it will begin again trying tomorrow. Probably is character development that im going to Go On A Walk instead of continuing to bang my head against it.

If anyone read this far ✨Welcome to my brain✨

#astra stuff #yelling into the void as opposed to letting this be another diary entry of a post draft

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goldsbitch · 3 months

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Here I go again

part 4 to I gave so many signs

summary: Afternoon talks are harder than late night fucks.

warning: present + flashbacks, mentions of cheating and typos

song fic (disclaimer: rights belong to the respectable owners)

The Louvre - Lorde Mamma Mia - ABBA (shoot me, I heard an amazing slow piano version of it and got obsessed)

"We heard some noises on the stairway, were you alone?" her mom asked first thing in the morning. The irony that her mom would actually approve of Charles maybe a little too enthusiastically was not lost on Y/N. "Yeah, alone. Bit tipsy, so sorry about that."

Our days and nights are perfumed with obsession

He stared silently. Monitoring actions of his girlfriend and having absolutely clear on the mind what to say to her. Part of him wanted to leave the premise immediately. Part of him wanted to scream out his confession. Part of him was astonished that she absolutely did not acknowledge his absence - did she not notice anything? He must have had Y/N scent all over him, punching through the quiet living room. He wanted her to say something. But she just grabbed her workout bag and casually got to the gym. Left him there, bewildered. He wanted to feel guilty, but the lack of emotion from her part was making a really hard thing to follow through. Was he just an asshole? Or someone who forgot to get out of a relationship at the right time and lived in a stale water?

His now fully developed brain decided to jump on the train to the past and he spent his entire morning checking his phone for a text - and not from his girlfriend. For a man who slept about an hour last night, he was surprisingly fresh and energized. Must have been the three orgasms. A lighting of excitement ran through him whenever he came back to those. And there it finally was, his catalysis for a guilt trip.

I am your sweetheart psychopathic crush Drink up your movements, still I can't get enough

Mood swings were the one to rule Y/N's day. She felt like dancing around. Woke up to an empty bed, which was a shame, but it saved from potentially an awkward conversation, so maybe she actually appreciated the gesture. With a lazy day ahead of her, she could replay yesterday's night over and over all day. Rarely would the sun shine so brightly through her window. But - mood does swing. Even though he was the one to cheat, she was the one cursing herself over and over again. Not because she felt any sympathy for his girlfriend, on the contrary, the thought that this girl got to have, what Y/N only experienced for one night, anytime, was infuriating. Fuck any girl power bullshit, she was jealous and angry at herself for crumbling so easily. She had been happy, content, on the lookout for someone available to date for fun and maybe love. Not fucking with her old best friend only to develop a crush so massive her apartment felt small. Y/N was content yesterday morning. This morning, she was satisfied, and anything but content. And yet, she couldn't help but smile into her morning coffee, while trying to remain casual and normal in front of her family.

Blow all my friendships To sit in hell with you

"We need to break up," he found himself saying in the early afternoon. There was no plan from his side, no agenda about getting with Y/N or anything like that. He just had to get out of a relationship where he managed to be the cheater. The decision was suddenly so simple, just hard to execute. There were tears. Not his. Mutual understanding is the hardest thing to fake.

Y/N really tried to go about with her day, having lunch with the family, catching up and just generally free Sunday vibes. Only problem was that she was all over the place mentally - short attention span, distracted and having trouble keeping up with longer conversations. Head over in the clouds, fingers tapping nervously. In some ways, she couldn't wait to get back to he daily life in London filled with work and array of distractions. There was no hope for her in this town. Guilt and desire punching through her own integrity. It was in the late afternoon when disturbing messages appeared under Charles Leclerc tag on socials, which she monitored in every available moment. When she saw her own front door on one of the headline photos, that's when she lost it completely. Panic set in when she finally came to a photo that the two of them talking in front of the bar, with speculative headlines.

But we're the greatest, they'll hang us in the Louvre Down the back, but who cares? Still the Louvre

She sat in her room, tired, confused and lonely. Social media doomscroll it was then, trying to desperately ignore any photos of them. Her brain got stuck in a loop when she stumbled upon a slow piano cover of Mamma Mia. Not particularly her favorite song. But it spoke of everything she couldn't put a name on. Their joined history, the change of course, the inevitable return and the sudden urge to get it right this time. It was like being possessed. She had to act this time. At least let him know that she got it wrong the first time. She had loved him. The feeling was just so common in her life that she didn't recognize it only after it was gone.

Look at me now, will I ever learn I don't know how, but I suddenly lose control There's a fire within my soul

She had to see him and it had to be NOW. Powered by the lyrics praising delusion, she was not going to let it slip through her fingers this time. Not even sure his old number was still active, she called him, only to end up in a voicemail without any message. His private socials were deleted or replaced and she could't just walk over to his flat. His girlfriend would be there and the thought of it broke her heart. Was her current state of mind only make things explosive and worse for everyone?

There had been many times she'd let her chances pass her by.

So I made up my mind, it must come to an end

Only once she was standing before Charles's childhood home, ringing the bell, she realized that zero thought went to what she actually wanted to say to him. Fear hit her hard. Seconds turned into minutes and she realized that nobody was probably home. Heart sank low. What was there to do now? She had no idea where he to find him.

They'd walked together for hours. It felt so intoxicatingly refreshing after all those months of no contact. If one got lucky in life, they'd understand the type of connection that does not go away with time. But there was something different in the air that evening, as if their usual hang out spot, just above the town had a different vibe that day. She looked him in the eye and saw a look she's seen countless of times on his face. There was a shift in her mind and out of nowhere - what if the line got crossed? Would it be such an issue? She knew Charles would never make the first move. What if? Just to know how it feels. Curiosity got the better of her. This was not the first time she glanced at his lips, wondering what they tasted like. But she knew the feelings he might still have for her was something she could not respond to properly. The thought of hurting her best friend was stopping her from ever actually exploring this idea. But, what if? Just this one time.

Thousand of quick thoughts passed through her mind in that one moment - the last few seconds before they kissed for the first time. She was nervous, but it didn't show. Confidently put her hands on his chest, stepped on her toes and put her lips on his. If she was scared, he was borderline terrified. Never expected her to actually do it. Her warm lips touched his own, but he was still trying to process that her hands rested on his chest tenderly. Stiff and shocked seventeen year old boy stood like a rock, trying to catch up with what was just happening. Both of them have had their fair share of kisses and make outs with other people in their life, but this was one different. Somehow, it was harder to kiss someone who actually knew personal things about you. It was no romantic kiss, once Charles finally started to respond, both of them picked up quite a quick tempo and all of that was more close to a drunken teenage make out rather than an honest vulnerable kiss. And still, his soft lips felt really good, her tongue exploring his mouth was sending him to highs unexperienced before. Just as he started to relax and stopped fathoming what was happening, she pulled away. It was all too much, too real and scary for her unsure self. Afraid of loosing her fake confident mask, she had to stop before she lost herself in this. What even was this? She'd be leaving for university soon, so what was the point.

"Sorry," she said immediately and looked anywhere else but his eyes. Stepped back away from him in order to gain more socially acceptable distance. "I dunno, guess I hadn't kissed anyone in a while, so yeah... But this is wrong, sorry for that." There is heartbreak and then there is heartbreak. Charles felt betrayed, she didn't even give him a chance to kiss her properly. He wasn't ready, didn't expect it and now it felt like his one chance got slipped away from him. Once again, he stood there, frozen and processing. She couldn't stand silence. Scary thing to experience in a difficult situation. "I should not have crossed the line, we're really good friends and-" "No," he cut her off, not letting her play this game again. "That's not true and you know that. I never told you in person, which is a really coward move, but that's on me. But you know how I feel. That hasn't changed and I can't imagine it ever will." His words burned like hot sand. "You're right, yes," she replied quickly and wished she could just make herself invisible for a moment. This was all too much to handle. "And that's why I'm saying I'm sorry. I thought ignoring the subject would help you..." "Help me? Help in what, getting over you?" he had to laugh. Where did her delusion end? Was it truly endless? "I don't want that. Definitely not from you. I want you to open your eyes and give us a chance." One thing she couldn't stand was to be pressured to something and this was strongly resembling that. How could someone else try to say what she wanted when she herself wasn't sure?

"Charles, I can't. I need to leave this place and figure out who I am." "Why can't I be a part of that journey?" he said, broken once again. "We would only end up hurting each other and lose our friendship, can't you see that? I want you in my life permanently, so we can't date." "How does any of this make sense in you head," he replied bitterly. While she waved around these big concepts, the one intrusive thought he had was that she was just trying to avoid telling him, that he was just a bad kisser. Her gut was telling her to run away from this. How is one suppose to resist that? "Charles. This whole thing is a mistake. You don't love me and as much as I'd like to, I don't think I love you." The word think punched through Charles like a knife. She wasn't even sure of that... "Well that's it then," he said, knowing the last thing he wanted was to talk her into being with him and have her run to someone else at the first opportunity. He was trying to control the emotional cocktail mixing within him. Trying get his anger, disappointment and wonder lust in check. He tried to read her facial expressions, but the only thing he finally saw was a little girl running away from mature feelings. Suddenly, he understood. She wasn't ready and there was nothing for him to do with that. His job now was to work on his attachment to her, because relying on her was only blocking his own development.

"I think I should get going, big day tomorrow," he lied and waved awkwardly instead of their usual hug. "Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna stay here for a while, if you don't mind," she said and turned her attention to the stunning view on the mountains, sea and the city below them. To Charles, their favorite hang out spot was ruined. Forever the place where his worst kiss happened. His stomach turned at the thought of that and he knew he needed to get out of there and far away from her immediately. "See you when I see you," he said, walking away. She watched him, hoping the weight on her shoulders would disappear quickly. They didn't speak to each other for more than two years after that.

It was hard to believe, she only came to their favorite spot to reminisce about one of her greatest misjudgement and dwell in her sorrow. But, to her luck, he was already there, looking over at the sea as they had countless times together. Walking towards him felt like walking on a tightrope with the chance of falling down getting bigger with every step.

Mamma mia, here I go again My, my, how can I resist you? Mamma mia, does it show again My, my, just how much I've missed you?

Charles didn't come there to meet up with her. His intention was to run away, to clear his thoughts, come to terms with the fact he had just cheated on someone. Take in the feeling Y/N made him burn with last night. Like some sort of breakthrough - this was they were all singing about. This is why people were able to drop their while life and follow love. It was an old and new love at the same. And that created a complete mess in his head. But when saw a figure coming his way, he knew immediately that she chose this place as well. Charles hadn't been at their spot since the time they first kissed here. Unlike Y/N, who came here anytime she was back in Monaco. She truly didn't expect him to be here - but took it as a sign that there was no way but forward for her. She walked towards him and sat on next to him, joining the view he was getting lost in. No words were shared for the first minute.

Y/N found out only after her university years that physical communication was her way of expressing feelings. Words were a little too messy and hard to put together. So she reached over to gently put her hand over his. She felt him shake a little, but he kept his hand below hers. Which she took as a good sign. Charles was the one to break the silence. "I hope you won't have much trouble online. There are pictures of us circling around," he said bluntly. "I have a very average face, I think I'm good." Charles laughed at her response. "As if." She really wanted not to ask. But the words just slipped out of her tongue. "Will your girlfriend mind?" And immediately after that, she wanted to shoot herself.

Charles took a deep breath. Then smiled bitterly, because what else was there to do. "Do you think so low of me that I could stay with someone once I'd cheated on them?" "Every couple goes through a crisis..." Charles chuckled again. "Have you ever been cheated on?" "Yes," she did not have to think twice about that. "But strangely enough, it was a relief when it finally happened." "See, so you understand." They sat in silence again. There was a feeling in the air like rain was coming. Neither of them moved. "Are you sad about it? Do you regret it?" She took Charles of guard. "Look at you, asking the big questions. What happened to you?" "Grew up, you know. You're not the only one. But don't get me wrong...it's still very hard. Talking." "I can see that," he replied, somewhat amused by her red cheeks. "To answer your important question," he highlighted, making her feel like a school girl passing a test, "I guess I regret the fact I wasn't honest enough to myself before something like that has happened." Y/N got a sudden influx of insecurity. Could it be that he was just unhappy in his relationship and it wasn't about the two of them? She pulled away a bit. Charles picked up on that. But this time, he couldn't put himself on the line first again. Not after what she said all those years ago. "Regret is the worst feeling. I think." "Why would you think?" "It's really hard to get rid of it. It lingers. Stays on." "Is there something you regret?" Somehow, he knew the answer before she did. "Of course. Everyone does." "You're avoiding again." "I know. I am perfectly aware of that." "At least something has changed."

The mood shifted and there was no way back. Charles was about to push like he had never done before. "Y/N. Why did you come here tonight. And be clear, blunt and honest or just leave now. It's been confusing enough even without you." She did not expect him to talk to openly. But she came searching for him, to do the leap, so it was actually appreciated. She started speaking, very slowly. "Um. I was looking for you. Wanted to say...not sure what exactly, but...I guess to let you know that I'd changed my mind. And I understand, you're somewhere else in your life now. But I need you to know." One very impatient Charles spoke when she took a break to breathe. "Know what?" "Charles, you keep interrupting me! Let me just...you know." He nodded in understanding, amused by her giddiness. "I just need to say...When were young, I never realized that the connection we have is special and rare. Stupid as I was, I thought it was just normal and common. And I don't regret not dating you back then. I had to take some time to grow up and understand more about the world. But now I do - and even if you've moved on, I feel like I'm just about to get on this train." He took in everything she said carefully. Tried not to get to ahead of himself.

"Did you ever think of me? Or it this just because last night." This time, it was she who smiled with a sad undertone. Did she ever think of him? Her? Had she spent nights and more nights wishing he'd call? Had she walked aimlessly around Monaco just to run into him? Did she compare every guy she shared a bed with to the times Charles made her feel like she was the only one on this planet that he could see? "One would say it's alarming how often I come back to the days we spent together. How hard it is to be so raw with someone in the same way as I was with you." Charles was slightly overwhelmed by her words. "Look, Charlie, I don't want to put any pressure on you. I had many chances and blew them all. I get it. Just want you to know that this was not a random encounter with an old friend for me." She'd been so focused on the right words coming out, that she missed the moment when Charles got close to her, so his kiss that followed was a surprise to her. Soft and sweet lips touched hers and it was like a release from prison. This time, it felt so right and safe. She didn't want him to end this. But once he inevitably did, fear came in like an unexpected summer storm. Would he be as cruel as she had been back then? Sharing a kiss with her while knowing that he was going to break her heart?

He took a breath in order to speak again. She stopped him with her finger. For just a minute, she wanted to keep this moment intact. To have this possibility of him still having a trace of the love he once had and she now bared as well. "Charles, I know what you're going to say. I can taste the words in your mouth. Please, don't." "So tell me, what am I going to say?" She sighed, slightly annoyed with him pushing her. "You're going to say that you'd moved on and this was just to have some fun. And you know what? Maybe it really is for the better, it was never-" "And this time, I am really going to stop you," he said, staring deeply into her eyes. "It's even harder now that we're adults. I understand that, understand the hardship my lifestyle can bring to the ones closest to me...My love for you never left. Yes, it's way less destructive and I've come to peace with it. But I am also not a scared boy anymore. Y/N, I would like to see you again and not as a friend. I don't think you ever were my friend. But you need to brave and honest too this time. Are you ready for that?" "I want to have all the hardest conversations with you, even if that's all we'd be doing," she laughed, taking in the fact he did not reject her. "I sincerely hope we'll be doing more than that," he said and joined her in easing the tension. "Is this really happening?" she whispered, as if it was a dream. "Yes, I believe it really is."

Mamma mia, here I go again My, my, how can I resist you?

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@linnmee @itsjustkhaos @rhythmstars @blueflorals @janeholt3

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x you #song fic #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc x female reader #ferrari f1 #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 smut #best friends to lovers #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fluff #f1 fluff #charles leclerc x y/n #f1 fanfic #formula one x reader #friends to lovers

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