#I am at the point where I am literally done | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

#I am at the point where I am literally done

jewish-vents · 2 days

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As a proud Jew and a member of the Iŋalit Iñupiaq people I have never felt as seen as reading a Choctaw Jew's post on here. Christian missionaries hauled my people off of our lands and killed most of us and they didn't even inhabit the land. They didn't even build shit there, they just took it to take it, and I'm supposed to go "ah yes America has no colonizers" and not laugh when these people say "Hebrew is a colonizer language"? Motherfuckers, MY LANGUAGE IS EXTINCT BECAUSE OF YOU! You know who didn't ever try and force a language on anyone? The Ashke Jewish man my great-great grandmother fell for and married. People really expect me to be onboard with their fact-free zero colonialism rewrite of history while my people's lands remain off limits to us, illegal to even visit, the US government holding onto it on the off chance there might be oil there even though they never bothered to even drill for it in over 70 years.

"No other religion acts like this" first of all please read up on Islamic imperialism and get your boot off the neck of my indigenous Middle Eastern brethren and secondly Christian-governed Alaska wouldn't let Native students attend school with "American" children - that is literally how the law phrased it - unless we abandoned our language, our clothes, our songs, our stories, our religion and even traditions as basic as sharing food with poor families in the community. You wanna know how my great-great grandmother met my great-great grandfather? They were both arrested for violating the law and "indoctrinating" children into "Native, anti-European practices" by which I mean THEY WERE BOTH ARRESTED FOR GIVING FOOD TO POOR PEOPLE. They were both arrested by CHRISTIANS!

And people mistake my brown skin for proof of goy status and want to talk shit about how the only good colonizer is a dead colonizer. You're white and you're in ALASKA, you might want to rethink the words coming out of your mouth when most of your ancestors came here to mine gold and get rich and mistreat indigenous people. Even if I accepted the idea that Israel is doing colonialism, which I do not, nobody moved to Israel to get rich and rape indigenous women with impunity to the point where there are words in Inuit languages for gangrape done by white men.

I don't want to hear another thing from a white goy in Alaska about Israel being colonizers when the US bought Alaska from Russia. We were colonized twice for you to get to be here and tell me to my face how colonizers are bad. AND THEN people want to say my Ashke ancestors were colonizers. Fleeing Russia is not colonization, one, and two, WHY DO YOU THINK THEY LEFT?! For fun? What, they heard our weather was nice and wanted to come visit?

I am going to need white goyim to learn US history before they open their mouths.

I'm sorry this is long and I yelled/capslocked but I have had to bite my tongue so many times to not cause a scene because I don't want the university to come up with an excuse not to let me graduate due to poor conduct. It is so tiring. I feel like I'm holding my breath all the time. Graduation is tomorrow. Shabbat shalom.

#jewish vents #antisemitism #american history #genocide tw #rape tw #Iŋalit Iñupiaq #indigenous history

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imviotrash · 2 days

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🗡️Edward Midford and Autism coding 🗡️

During my Hiatus from the Kuroshitsuji fandom, I got diagnosed with autism. It took me some time to come to terms with that and to figure myself out.

I returned to the Kuro fandom last summer, due to (what I now come to recognize as) my longtime special Interest finally getting an anime adaptation and upon rereading some of my favourite arcs, I came to the realisation that I see a lot of my (and my peers) autistic traits in Edward. What's interesting about this character is that he has a lot of autistic traits, that are not really touched upon in media. So lets get into it!

The gentleman extreme (and how everything is taken a bit too literal/seriously):

In his introduction in chapter 52 he is shown to uphold the same beliefs as his mother, scolding his sister for behaving in an unbecoming manner. He's shown to be very close to his family and strictly upholds their values of protection. At first one may assume he is just like his mother, but it is quickly revealed that he is far more ridiculous. His upholding of his gentleman status is often paired with anger, such as in chapter 58, where he scolds other men for not letting women and children go on the lifeboats first (king behaviour) and also being the one to later recommend to look for more survivors. He has a strong code of ethics and upholds it, even if it is seen as ridiculous or even dangerous.

When it comes to clothing, he also upholds strict values and instantly gets flustered and afraid when that standard is not upheld, to the point where he needs physical distance and shields his eyes.

From these tidbits already we can observe that he is ridiculously formal, upholding the social decorum to the very extreme. While autistic individuals are known for their non-conformity, they are also known to accidentally not conform by confirming too much and following instructions to every detail. I fall into both extremes, but I definitely stick to the latter when it comes to social interactions.

I think Edward definitely falls into that category, because he represents how ridiculous the Victorian code of ethics and etiquette can be if upheld at all times. I may dabble into headcannon territory again, but I strongly believe that knighthood and the chivalry connected to it is something like a special interest for him, which contributes to the way he acts.

Aggression and volume:

In his introduction he yells at his future brother in law. A complete overreaction and incredibly ironic considering his previous scolding regarding etiquette. This happens multiple times, especially when confronted with Ciel his gentlemanly behaviour suddenly turns into childish banter. He is usually soft spoken but can be louder if he is simply commanded to do so.

Volume control is something a lot of autistic people struggle with. For me it's especially when talking about special interests or talking to a person who interrupts me A LOT. I am quiet and do not speak often, so when I do I must make the most of it.

Based on cannon evidence, I believe that Edward may struggle with this too. He's loud to get his point across, because he believes that loudness will make others listen to him.

Spiky hair, in this economy?

So we all know Frances and her strict rules regarding men's hair, right? Everything has to be slicked back and she thinks Sebastians hair is atrocious (so do I). So why is it that her son is the only one allowed to run around with this type of hairstyle? Alexis has very nicely brushed back hair, Elizabeths is also nicely done. Isn't it strange that she makes an exception for ONE family member?

So here is where I dabble into headcannons, because I think the exception was made because he has sensory issues regarding his hair. He doesn't like it slicked back in any way and feels uncomfortable with any product in his hair.

Once again, heavily falling into headcannons, so take this one with a grain of salt.

Elizabeth and her influence:

Edward is incredibly attached to her sister. Mainly being protective of her and not trusting other men (especially his brother in law) to treat her with the respect she deserves. He knows and appreciates her skill and knows she's incredibly capable. So...why is he so attached?

Elizabeth is an important catalyst for his behaviour, because it shows the extremes of his gentleman code. His good manners instantly turn into ridiculous aggression as soon as he sees something that he views as a threat to her. Despite his behaviour towards Ciel, he does care about him, because he realises how important he is to his sister. Elizabeth is a person of comfort for Edward. He admires her talent and sees her as a valuable family member who has been through a lot of hurt.

Autistic individuals often have trouble with boundaries and attach themselves onto others quickly, which leads to them unintentionally treating them incorrectly. This is definitely the case here, since he gives little (social) agency to Elizabeth for the sake of her protection. He genuinely cares about her but is unable to set healthy boundaries, because his way of emphaphy differs from the social norm.

Masking and copying behaviour:

What is interesting about Edward is how he copies the behaviour of others. He has a role model and copies their behaviour because he desires to master it. So why does he do that?

My answer is masking. Edward genuinely admires these people, but is unsure of how to adapt their skills in his own way, so he copies them. This is something we can often see in masking. Behaviour that is seen as acceptable by society is often copied by autistic individuals to blend into society. I think for Edward it's a combination of masking and admiration. His strong upholding of the Gentleman code also fits well into this category.

Beyond that, the Blue cult arc also proves that he able to severely alter the way he behaves, if needed. Does he feel comfortable with that? Absolutely not. But he does have the great ability to do so if instructed, which proves to yet be another factor for him masking his behaviour.

Mediocrity in a Neurotypical society:

So Edward had this nice monologue about him being mediocre compared to his prodigy sister and I think it is exactly this scene, which makes me headcannon him as autistic. Because this is the exact trait I do not see often.

In media, many autistic individuals are represented as prodigies and amazingly intelligent and I can't help but hate that stereotype, because it puts unrealistic expectations on disabled individuals. I have prodigy friends who are autistic and I truly admire them, but I need people to understand that autism is a disability and not just "socially incompetent person who is going to revolutionise the world". As soon as one's interest is not deemed useful by society (which mainly includes "feminine" interests), they are not validated. Autism is only accepted by society if it proves to be impressive or useful. It is not seen as a disability, but as something to exploit.

I like Edwards monologue, because I relate and it rounds out his character really well. He accepts that he is not a prodigy, that he sucks in many regards, but that he still looks up to those who fit into the standard. His monologue is something that I've truly taken into heart, because you do not need to be a prodigy to be valid, you should not need to be extraordinary to be accepted as you are. You are allowed to be mediocre. You are allowed to treat your disability as a disability, because that's what it is.

Lastly:

Please remember that most of this is based on my personal expenses with autism. It is an incredibly diverse neuro divergency and manifests itself differently in all sorts of ways. Many of these traits may not apply to you or to anyone you know. This is just a personal observation based on my own and my companions experiences.

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #vio speaks #edward midford #kuroshitsuji season 4

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 days

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AITA for saying different stuff to my friend’s face and behind his back?

As you can tell, I’m pretty genuinely worried I screwed up here.

So I (17F) and my friend (17M) both auditioned for the school musical. We both have done every high school show, so we’re very immersed in the theater world. We are seniors and this was our last show. This is just some context—the point of which is that my friend and I both have tons of friends in the theater department, and that’s where a lot of our socialization happens.

My friend was the male lead in the last school musical, so it was likely he’d be the main male lead again this year. However, when I saw what musical we were doing, I actually thought he’d be better as the supporting male lead. Still an ENORMOUS role, but due to his personality, casting type, acting, and tap dancing abilities, that just seemed like the better role for him.

Meanwhile, this other senior guy who had only done one show also was auditioning. Now, he’s also very talented, so in his first show he actually got a pretty big role, but he also proved really difficult to work with during that show and also at the auditions for this new show got so upset he actually stormed out for a while.

However, his acting and singing audition were perfect for the main male lead.

If he was cast as the main male lead and my friend was cast as the supporting lead, our show would have looked SO GOOD.

But after the whole storming out fiasco, I was pretty sure that other guy wasn’t getting a big role at all. But when the cast list came out, my friend was the main lead and this guy was the supporting lead.

Now. I was super happy for my friend. But it was not a good casting choice for him, and since that other role is so big, it doesn’t really punish the other guy for walking out either. So it doesn’t save us the headache of working with the one guy AND puts my friend in a role that isn’t as perfect for him.

But my friend is BELOVED in the cast, and not just by me. He’s practically worshiped by everyone who isn’t his close friend, and his close friends love him for obvious reasons (cause we’re friends). So everyone made a huge deal about how he’s PERFECT for the role, and blah blah blah, and I kinda silently disagreed but I wanted to suppose my friend so I was like “yeah! You totally deserved it! Good for you!”

This other guy though kinda got irrationally angry that he was given the supporting lead (he’s definitely an asshole regardless of whether or not I am) and even quit the show… even though he got a big part. And then he started talking trash about my friend and saying he wasn’t talented?

But when that guy talked to me (weird decision considering everyone knows we’re really close), he said, “my acting was literally so much better for that role. I SHOULD have gotten the role.” And I said, “yeah. My friend really would have been better in the other role. I agree.”

And then he went on to say, “my acting is so much better than his anyway.” And I didn’t straight up agree, but my response was, “well, you know politics plays a huge role in these things.” Which definitely didn’t deny what he said. (And my friend actually is disproportionately benefited by director politics bc he takes private lessons from our choreographer, so I wasn’t WRONG—but I wasn’t being the good friend I should have been either.)

So I sorta feel like I told this other guy, who probably didn’t get the main lead bc of politics/being a nightmare to work with (probably both, tho the second is less likely since he got a big role anyway?) that he was right about my friend, even though my friend really is talented and I never MEANT to imply that he wasn’t. But I think I did.

I’m happy for my friend getting the lead. And I’m not sorry for thinking he would have been better cast in the other role. But…something feels icky about telling him he’s perfect for the role and then telling his rival that he would have been better for the role.

I don’t know. Let me have it if I need it, tumblr. AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole

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nefariousghoul · 2 days

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Mushy May Day 4- Wound Tending/First Aid

pairings: raindrop

word count: 1456

summary: rain is still fairly new to the ministry and feels constantly criticized by dew. after another mess up in rehearsals, dew gets upset. rain runs off to the lake, where dew unexpectedly approaches him.

content warnings: fluff w some angst. brief mentions of injuries/bleeding, brief mention of yelling, rain cries a little bit

thanks to @forlorn-crows for the prompts and @ghuleh-recs for the dividers!!

It’s a brisk autumn night at the ministry. The skies were full of stars and a few stray clouds. A gentle breeze drifts through, the water moving softly with it.

Rain had just been summoned a few months prior. He was still settling into life at the ministry. His room was still bare. Aside from the basic furniture it came with, all he had in there was his bass and a few rocks he’d collected from the lake. Rehearsals started becoming more frequent with the tour coming up, and they began to run longer.

Rain always blamed himself for rehearsals running much later than usual. He just couldn’t get the songs down. He wasn’t as confident as Swiss or Dew on stage. He’d fumble the notes during the same part of Miasma every time, and he would lose tempo, causing the whole band to stop playing.

Dew had become fed up with Rain’s mistakes, causing him to act out briefly. Yelling at Rain, asking him why he couldn’t get the rhythm down and if he was dumb, until he stormed off, leaving the rest of the ghouls on stage in a stunned silence. Rain's eyes began to burn as he quickly and quietly put his bass back in its case before leaving the room.

He didn’t understand why Dew was so upset with him all the time. Rain had only ever been kind. The rest of the pack had taken a liking to rain, all except dewdrop. No matter what Rain did Dew always seemed to be mad at him for it. He couldn’t figure out what he’d done wrong, and it frustrated him beyond belief.

That’s where he found himself now. He ran and ran through the forest behind the ministry, falling a few times as he tripped on a few stray branches, until he reached the lake. He approached slowly, his chest heaving. He walked until he reached the edge of the dock, sitting down and letting his feet rest in the water.

He kept his gaze down, watching the water ripple as his feet swayed beneath it. He took in a deep breath as he focused on the water. Being in his element helped him calm down and made him feel whole. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, staring, before the tears started to fall. He brought a hand up to wipe them away when a voice startled him from behind, causing him to jump slightly before turning to see who it was.

“Are you okay?” Dew said. his hands fidgeting with the loose threads of his shirt as he tried to meet Rain’s gaze, failing miserably.

Rain quickly wiped the tears from his face, his brows furrowing as he realized it was dewdrop that had approached him. His heartbeat quickened as he felt anxiety begin to course through him. Why was dew here? Was he going to just get mad at me again? He thought to himself. He searched Dew's face and only found concern and maybe guilt..?

He cleared his throat slightly. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” Rain said, giving Dew a small grin.

It was now Dew’s turn to look confused as he gave Rain a once-over, seeing that his knees were bleeding. It appeared that they had been scraped at some point.

Dew sighed. “Rain. You’re literally bleeding. You are not okay.” he said, pointing to the water ghoul’s knees.

Rain quickly followed his finger to see what he’d been pointing at, and he saw that he had in fact been bleeding. His jaw dropped slightly as he realized it must’ve happened when he was running through the trees. He looked back up at Dew.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I am.” he let out a nervous chuckle.

“I’m okay though, Dew. You don’t have to worry about me.” He gave Dew a (what he thought was) convincing smile, but Dew saw right through it.

Dew rolled his eyes before reaching his hand out to rain; his face stayed unchanged from the slightly annoyed look he always wore. Rain looked up at him with furrowed brows. His palms began to grow sweaty as he tried to figure out why Dew had come to check on him. He hadn’t shown Rain an ounce of kindness since he was summoned.

“What?” Rain stuttered out, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes searched Dew’s looking for some kind of hate behind them, only to find a soft hint of genuine concern.

“C’mon. Gotta get ya back to the den.” Dew muttered. His tone was the same ornery one as always. “It’s getting late. i-“ he stuttered. “They’re worried about you, waterlily.” Dew’s cheeks flushed softly as he realized his little slip-up. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, missing the gentle tug at Rain's lips.

Rain's gaze fell to his lap once more as his cheeks flushed a light purple color. He met Dew’s gaze once more, moving his hand to grab Dew's own.

Dew's eyes shot open when Rain’s hand grabbed his. the cool temperature of the water ghoul’s hand against his own making his stomach flutter. He gently tugged on Rain's arm, helping him stand before letting go, already missing his cool touch. Dew’s gaze fell to the floor as Rain slightly towered over him due to his height.

They both began making the short walk back to the ministry in an awkward but comfortable silence. The pair both stole shy glances at each other while the other looked away.

As they approached the door leading to the ghoul den, Dewdrop opened the door, bowing dramatically as Rain let out a giggle at the gesture. Dew quietly shut the door leading rain into the room. His cheeks still had a slight blush to them since his slip-up.

Dew opened the door to his room, letting rain enter first. Rain paused as he entered, taking in the contents of Dew’s room. It was cleaner than he expected and very organized. There were a few band posters here and there, a mess of music sheets piled along the desk, and his bed was made.

Dew paused, turning to face rain.

“You alright, rainy?” His blush deepened as he saw rain looking around his room.

Rain met his gaze, blushing slightly. “Oh, yeah sorry. I like your room.” he said sheepishly, walking towards him. Dew gave him a curt nod as a shy grin made its way onto his face before continuing to walk towards the attached bathroom.

“Thanks, Rain.”

They entered the small but spacious bathroom. To the left, there was a large shower. Next to it was the toilet, along with some rugs littered across the floor. To the right was a small vanity, which Dew was hastily tidying up. Rain smiled to himself as dew seemed to be becoming flustered.

After Dew had cleaned the vanity off, which had been pretty clean before, besides a few hair products left out, he turned to face rain tapping the countertop.

“hop up here. gotta clean up those scrapes.”

Rain blushed, ducking his head slightly as he hopped up on the counter. He let his feet dangle as he glanced over to Dew, who had placed a first aid kit on the counter.

Dew crouched down and faintly grabbed Rain’s leg, inspecting the wound. Rain flinched slightly as dew got a little too close to it.

“Sorry,” Dew muttered.

“It’s okay.” Rain whispered back, not meeting his eyes.

Dew grabbed the first aid kit, opening it to grab a few bandages and some alcohol pads. He looked up Rain.

“Alright, it doesn’t look like you’re gonna need stitches, so that’s good.” He patted rain’s calf softly.

“I do need to clean these up though. It might sting, just don’t bite me, alright?” He said it with a slight smile.

Rain let out a chuckle before nodding. Dew began cleaning the scrapes along Rain’s knees. Rain let out a quiet hiss as the alcohol burned against his skin.

“Almost done.”

He placed bandages over them before standing up. Rain had a shy smile on his face as he kept his gaze on the floor.

“All done, Rainy,” he said, putting the first aid kit back in the cabinet below.

“Thank you, Dew,” Rain said, glancing down at him.

“For what?” Dew said, standing up.

“For helping me and for coming to check on me.”

Dew’s blush returned as he avoided Rain’s gaze. He let out a nervous laugh, toying with the edge of his shirt.

“No problem, just don’t tell anyone, or I’ll have to kill you,” he said jokingly, as his expression fell flat.

Rain let out another chuckle as his smile widened and his eyes twinkled.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Dewy.”

#dewdrop ghoul #rain ghoul #the band ghost #raindrop #dewdrop ghost #rain ghost #rain/dewdrop #nameless ghouls #ghost bc #mushy may 2024

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dailypokemoncrochet · 3 months

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Okay so we're at 623/1025 Pokemon done right now that's 60.78%, and did you know that each 1 (one) new unique crochet brings us .09% (NOT EVEN A /TENTH/ OF A PERCENT) closer to 100%. That's 402 more Pokemon to go (currently) (not including ones that have different variants/forms). That's so many. Whoa. Wow.

#text #mind boggled again about the numbers #because like. literally if there is one thing i want to do in my lifetime that i am one HUNDRED percent SURE of. it is this project #and i know that i can do it. it is a feasible task. gargantuan. monumental. long. tedious. but doable.#and also what the FUCK i have made over #SIX. HUNDRED??? OF THESE??#AGAIN NOT EVEN INCLUDING DIFFERENT FORMS #at some point i will make an extended sheet with the different forms counted out too #but i don't think i want to do that just now or on my own because oof that's gonna be an even biiiiigger number #but oh my god i am so in disbelief of my own self. how did i do this. how do i do this. how will i do this. what. what.#i know some of yall get tired of seeing these moments but just like. this is insane. im insane.#if i had just a single dollar for every one pokemon i have done. that would be over 600 dollars. i could get a nice treat with that.#i wish this was like in school where people would pledge a penny or something for every mile you walked/ran. except for my crochets.#why cant this literally be how i make a living. why cant the universe hook me up with that. universe do you hear me?? manifesting

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bonefall · 10 months

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Are you going to keep Goosefeather's curse? If so are you going to change anything about it? From my memory the book was... depressing.

It will probably get rolled into Pinestar's Crusade, building it up into an SE rather than just a novella. There's actually a lot going on in that specific moment, and it makes sense to go over it all at once.

So to answer your question, yes, most of Goosefeather's Curse is staying. Most of the Crusade Generation have depressing stories to tell. If the Thistle Period is defined by the fact that Thistle Law metastasized and went terminal, and if the Campaign Era was when it was newly born, then the Crusade Era was when it was first conceived.

I've been thinking about Pinestar's Crusade idly and mentioned it a few times, but here's my fragments so far;

PINESTAR'S CRUSADE (Fuses Pinestar's Choice and Goosefeather's Curse)

We start in the Crusade Era; there is now more focus on 3 major characters, though it's still built around Pinestar as the POV

Pinestar, Goosefeather, and eventually Pinepaw's apprentice Speckletail.

Pinepaw is born into the start of the Crusades, a bloody period where the Clans are invading Chelford and brutalizing cats in the hopes of appeasing StarClan. He only begins to learn the full story of what happened in Darkstar's Commandment once he begins going to Gatherings as a warrior

The truth being that Oakstar came up with this idea because he couldn't take an L

But even as an apprentice, it becomes quickly apparent to him that what they're doing is evil. They were brutalizing kittypets who aren't trained to fight back.

During his first raid as an apprentice, he allows a ginger-and-white mother and her kittens to escape

This came back years later, when that queen, Crystal, forms BloodClan in response to the Crusades.

Pineheart watches Oakstar die barely a year later to the queen he saved, using early claw extenders to cut right through him. Even if he hadn't been on his last life, it would have ended him.

But, Crystal lets Pineheart go, recognizing the Clan cat who had saved her life.

Watching his dad die along with several friends, and countless more innocent Chelford, plus being released by Crystal, is a Formative Moment.

Doestar continues the Crusades in the name of revenge for Oakstar, but now that BloodClan exists and is ARMED, the easy raids become bloodbaths.

They slowly peter out, not with a bang but with a whimper. She never announces an official end, eventually she just stops organizing them. No one gets closure, especially not Pineheart.

But the 'peace' doesn't last. Just before Heatherstar takes power from Smallstar and begins the Campaign to take the Mothermouth Moorland, ThunderClan deals with the Great Hunger

Pineheart and Goosefeather become very good friends, part of a little buddy group that also included Tawnyspots and Pheasantfeather (who will become One-eye later)

Pineheart was given his first apprentice, a rowdy little one and the niece of Doestar, Specklepaw. He's tasked with helping her fill the pawsteps of greatness she's destined to walk in.

Just like canon, Goose predicts the Great Hunger... though, he is an adult this time around because of some timeline changes.

And, like canon, it fails. They couldn't stockpile enough food to last an entire year of famine, a scorching summer and a frozen winter, they end up losing a huge stock of their food as if it was destiny.

Goosefeather was forced into a role he hates, given horrible visions of the future, and argues ferociously with Pineheart; if they hadn't tried to stockpile, they wouldn't have lost all that food to begin with.

It is in this moment, he comes to realize that every time he's fought back and used his visions like a warning, it's backfired.

So, perhaps, they are instruction.

But, meanwhile, Pineheart can't loose his apprentice or his friends. While others were hunting desperately, he was keeping cats alive through scouting for grubs, foraying into other territories, and...

Every bite of kittypet food he took for himself was a morsel in someone else's mouth. But this... this he kept quiet.

It started a "bad habit" he could never break.

Having lost the previous deputy to starvation and on her deathbed, Doestar nominates Pineheart to the position. He was shocked and upset by this, but he was the obvious choice.

Son of Oakstar, Hero of the Hunger, the cat who had kept Specklepaw alive when all the other kits and apprentices starved.

But, Pinestar took the helm to extreme controversy.

Everything Pinestar's ever done that worked was nonviolent. He's never seen battle do anything but bring harm, and the thought of leading people into war... it makes him feel sick.

But the rest of the Clan can't see what he sees. They yearn for the glory days (even though they were not glorious at all), itch to die for a cause, and leave this old, disgusting subsistence survival behind them. ThunderClan wants blood and Pinestar just wants peace.

Taking back Sunningrocks is an example of this. To avoid losing Clanmates, he proposed to Hailstar that they would have a Joust, instead.

ThunderClan's strongest against RiverClan's strongest. Adderfang vs Mudfur.

It didn't go well.

The problem with those sorts of situations is you have to abide by the deal. RiverClan took Sunningrocks for 6 months. It was humiliating for ThunderClan.

Even the cats he'd saved from the famine were furious with him

The only things that DID seem to please the Clan was when he would throw them fully into battle. Such as Goosefeather's prophecy that WindClan's herbs needed to be destroyed...

Every time a situation like that happened, where Goosefeather would phrase things as a Holy Struggle, Pinestar was thrown right back to the Crusades

Terrified eyes, screeching, cats begging for mercy, his father dead at his paws and feeling horror and relief swirling

Sitting vigil for old friends killed in these horrible fights, like Moonflower, it made him feel like how he felt the day he buried Oakstar.

And the bile rose in his throat, remembering that Oakstar was not there at his Leadership Ceremony, damned to the Dark Forest.

A thought was born, here. What does StarClan truly want? What do they expect of him? If they will send the architect of the Crusades there...

What of a cat who stayed fed on human food and fed grubs to his Clanmates? Or a leader who never knows the right thing to do?

When Mumblefoot retired and Sunfall became deputy, the Clan seemed to love him more than Pinestar. He found himself just... sitting back, and allowing Sunfall to call the shots.

It was towards the end, when Leopardfoot proposed an Honor Siring. He was from a glorious legacy, she wanted kits... and on his end, he wanted the peace that raising kittens could bring.

The warmth of human dens was calling him, but perhaps the warmth of love for children could keep him home.

UNLIKE CANON; Nothing about Tigerkit was born evil.

There was no StarClan vision of Tigerstar; Goosefeather knew full well that Thistlestar was the Leader of Prophecy.

But Pinestar would never give Thistleclaw an apprentice in time. Nor would he ever give his own little son to a cat as vicious as him.

Goosefeather never hurt anyone... but Pinestar just needed a push.

Pinestar was already anxious, unhappy, clinging to the goodness that was his little kits. Even as two of them were lost to minor illnesses, shortly after receiving their names.

It wasn't a lie. It was just half of the truth.

"Pinestar... you have a choice to make. StarClan has given me a vision of blood and war, and Tigerkit will have a role to play in it."

He DID have a vision... of Thistlestar. Not Tigerkit. But that was enough for Pinestar, his fear and trauma took the helm from there.

He'd seen his friends, his apprentice, the kits who had been born and died in his rule, all of them turn into the monsters Clan Culture demanded

Nothing he did ever seemed to work, why would THIS moment be different?

How could he prevent Tigerkit from becoming like that too?! Was StarClan telling him to KILL his son??

Pinestar's never had a vision from StarClan. He doesn't have the aptitude like a Cleric... what he has is a nightmare, of Tigerkit growing so large he crushes the whole camp under his claws

After a week of agony, Pinestar unknowingly creates a prophecy of his own,

"Can only the death of a child break fate?"

Sensing he was close to victory, Goosefeather dipped his head, not denying his question.

And it's the last straw.

And that is the climax of Pinestar's Crusade. Broken from his experiences, every turn taken for peace causing him more pain, the idea that he might have to hurt his own son plaguing his mind, he makes the choice to leave.

It wasn't hard, he'd still had that old bad habit of taking bites of kittypet food, a couple friends on the other side. But what he doesn't know is that by leaving with his life... he prevents Sunstar from acquiring his own.

Sunstar had ONE single life, StarClan was not able to give him more with the previous leader still alive. For leaving his Clan, for unknowingly preventing the transfer of power, and for dismissing the Warrior Code, Pinestar is sent to the Dark Forest after his death.

He can choose to walk there, or spend time in the mortal plane as just a spirit, but StarClan offers him no place in the cosmos.

#Pinestar's Crusade #Better Bones AU #So yeah it's still depressing LMAO sorryyyy #im a sucker for the theme where someone you raised and loved became part of an evil system #failure to protect. How COULD you have done differently? Was there anything at all that could have saved them?#i've mentioned it before but I love Pinestar most as the foil of Firestar #and it's very underexplored as an idea #How Firestar succeeded where Pinestar failed #Literally like a brighter version of you #someone who never gave up past the point where you would have broken #and how painful and uncomfortable that idea must be #It doesssss things to me #Also I am still shuffling the timeline #Pinestar might end up being old enough to remember Mapleshade... BUT we'll see #It might be pretty funny to have Pinepaw watch his dad take several Ls in Darkstar's Commandment #''this is my cringefail boomer dad who I have a complicated relationship to. he cannot swim. oh god. oh fuck''

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dmclemblems · 2 years

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“Claude in Hopes is exactly the same way he is in Houses! He’s always been like that and has the same feelings/morals!”

Claude in GW/Hopes:

Claude, literally, in Houses:

Let that speak for the fact that Claude was written with a 180 characterization in Hopes.

Claude wants peace and to bring everyone together; not to tear them further apart. That is his character.

#I’m still in the middle of answering this ask I got but yeah #even Edelgard noticed Claude really loves bringing ppl together in WC #when she says ''you really value that sort of thing don't you'' after the Eagle/Lion (+Deer >.> ) battle #like if Claude's goal was to destroy Fodlan and just leave a mess of it A+++ you did an astounding show stopping brilliantly done job #if your goal was peace well you fucked that up pretty good buddy #in Hopes too like he's literally arguing with Lorenz about it while Lorenz is like ??? bruh wtf ???#literally who cares what some politicians did 300 years ago certainly not Houses Claude #in fact Claude said fuck our history sideways with a cactus let's make peace and be friends #AND he got the approval from the whole roundtable and that's all we know on the topic bc it's all we needed to know #versus in GW where it's explicitly stated that it took some doing for them to allow Claude to be king #meaning the roundtable was not up for what he was suggesting and needed to be convinced #they needed it enough that Lorenz pointed it out to everyone and from a narrative standpoint #AM Claude doesn't need to say how the meeting went and all we need to know is that it worked out #but in GW it's told to us that the meeting was very long and it took some doing for them to trust Claude's judgment #the meeting is presented in a more uncertain light with how the lords felt abt it whereas in AM #it's not told to us how things went bc it's not important. a negative aspect (i.e. the roundtable not being able to come to an agreement)#is an important thing to note and if there was any negative aspect of it in AM they would've put it in there #meaning the roundtable trusts AM Claude's judgment enough when he tells them he wants to put their two nations together again #idk how else to explain that so I hope you get what I mean lol #I just find it completely baffling that people actually say both Claudes are the same person and that he was always like how he is in Hopes #like you can like his character in Hopes and enjoy that portrayal of him but at least admit he's written differently you know?#I hate when I see people say that Claude fans didn't understand his character in Houses at all bc they don't like him in Hopes #when you have literal staunch polar opposite sentences coming out of his mouth in these two scenes #the Claude we get in AM is the same Claude - the same person at his core - as he is in VW and all the routes #Houses Claude does not blame whatever the fuck Leicester and Faerghus did 300 years ago on the people living in their present #he also doesn't blame Dimitri or anyone else presently in power for Daphnel #GW Claude there is just grasping at unimportant and insignificant straws to justify his invasion #pretty sure AM Claude would be like ''hey dimi lemme borrow failnaught back real quick'' and smack GW Claude with it #then kindly hand it back to Dimi and smile and wave

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crescentmoonrider · 3 months

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j. jakedirk kissy?

dorks

sorry for the wait !! it was 3am where i am when you sent this, so i was eepy, and then i had to take a day to recuperate

hairy Jake with the shitty teenage attempted beard.... glasses getting in the way, noses getting crushed.... ah, young love~

i missed them, thank you for getting me the opportunity to draw them again !

#yumi's art #homestuck #jake english #dirk strider #dirkjake #small valentines event #yumi got asked stuff #slowpokedragon #dorks #<- yes that is literally my dirkjake tag lmao #two homestuck asks for this event !!!#im so happy !!! its really nostalgic hehe #but also with this i am !!! done !!!#i definitely was Not expecting 9 whole asks #last time i did that i got 2 sdfsfdgfh #if i do this again ill have to change things #not sure how. but ill have to plan #damn i cant believe ive reached a point #where i cant just go 'this could be fun'#and just throw up a post #and not get almost buried in my own hubris #well its not hubris if you think too low probably #altho self-deprecation /is/ still selfish in the end #where was i going with this #oh yeah the event !! lots of fun #but also maybe too much work #for what little thought i gave the initial idea #so yeah. lots to chew on later #but for now i rest !!! take care yall <3

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cosmicterrorthe8th · 2 months

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Another Grant headcanon:

I think he wrote love notes when in relationships, and he went all out with like making the paper scented and stuff. But like he had no good perfume so he ended up using his horrible body spray. So like the lucky boyfriend would like find a paper reeking of the body spray like every once in a while.

Also I think he was someone who fell deep into romance because having a crush and feeling butterflies in his stomach was better than numbness. So he would pursue every crush even if he knew it would not end well because of the thrill of it. I think this sucked but I think he atleast felt like this is a normal way for life to suck.

#honestly I was thinking he continued the note thing with marco in college maybe?#and now marco likes the smell of the body spray even if grant found better perfumes cuz nostalgia #i think i am in my own la dee da world after this episode #where I think if willy takes a break from torturing the parents they should form a circle and become bffs #they should form a circle #toast to rebecca #and then just talk shit idk #i think they would be very funny as a group after they are done grieving #like cassandra would be like how could I have dated such a loser #he literally kidnapped like four of my exs ex friends and put collars on them when we were dating #and they would be like no its not your fault he is that manipulative #and then one of them would talk about their ex to comfort her #and then somwhow it would come out that willy is like the age of their grandparents #and cassandra would be like why did this senior citizen get me so bad #he told me to make him a sandwich and I #a multimillionaire made him a sndwich #this will probably never happen in canon #dndads #grant wilson #dungeons and daddies #the tags are their own seperate post at this point #dndads s2 #looking back on this(tags)#all the spouses knew willy as a nice guy who saved them #rebecca was the only one who suspected him so thats why he killed her #they must be feeling so duped getting tortured except for marco who saw him kill a man #cassandra has been feeling duped since heaven #this is killing me all of them are having conversations in my head now the comedy and the pain is killing me mostly the comedy #marco li wilson #grant li wilson

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theenderdirewolf · 3 months

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Okay so earlier today my friends showed me an image, and out of nowhere my brain decided that is now submas, I will make this work

And so have this little out of nowhere poorly drawn shitpost I drew on my phone

I know Volo wouldn't be wearing his ginkgo guild uniform from like 200 years ago in the 'present day' but hey- shitpost! (Also I drew Ingo first and then Emmet and had like no room to mess around with so)

Did I get the expressions right? No. Did I get anatomy right? Not at all- but this isn't my normal style and it made me laugh so I thought it share it!

also for anyone interested this was the original image!

#another thought i had was an excited iris in the back #i almost did that but volo came out on top #fun fact! this is my first time properly drawing the subway masters!#my boys! my darlings! my funny train men! /pos #i love them dearly #i drew ingo first but he ended up being my absolute favorite there #look at him he looks so done #(i am projecting my annoyance for volo onto them acK)#(i am a fool who trusted him all the way through and literally shouted “I TRUSTED YOU!!!” when he betrayed the player)#(before that there was a point where i literally went “VOLO YOU'RE WITH ME RIGHT?? YEAH VOLO!!” and was so excited that he was still with m #little did i know what i was in for)#anyway!! uh actual tags now right?#ingo #emmet #ingo and emmet #pokemon fanart #pokemon ingo #pokemon emmet #submas #subway bosses #subway boss emmet #subway boss ingo #pokemon volo #immortal volo #TEDW draws

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hella1975 · 1 year

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ive got an essay due at 3pm tomorrow and ive not even looked at it i am so so unserious about my degree and by the grace of some higher being i somehow keep managing to crawl through it's actually getting a bit funny

#me and an old friend of mine used to have a running joke during a-levels that im just one of those people where shit Works Out #and it started bc we shared two a-levels (english and economics) and in BOTH classes i regularly didn't do the homework #or the reading etc and yet it would ALWAYS work out for me #like we'd walk into a class neither of us having done the homework and they'd get yelled at while i went under the radar somehow #or that one english essay i got the highest score in the class when i literally hadn't even read the fucking book it was on #and when we pointed the theory out it started just becoming really prevalent #like no matter how late i am for things i'll arrive and by some miracle the thing im late for is also late (e.g a train or teacher)#like im just one of those people that has very very mundane luck #and low and behold i am fighting this degree with bloody fists putting the absolute bare minimum in for my own sanity's sake #and i SOMEHOW keep pulling through. literally failed two modules last year and STILL got a 2:1 average #and the last essay i wrote was the worst essay id ever done in my life and i get my standards are higher bc ik im good at essays #but the point still stands and you know what? i got a FIRST #literally was pure waffle i have never blagged it so hard and i got a FIRST #and all this shit just makes me cockier and cockier and go even more by the skin of my teeth and it ALWAYS WORKS OUT #it's soooo silly but im not complaining. anyway ill keep u posted about this essay <3 it's econ history so is actually interesting #but the most ive done for it is ask the sc ai lmao and for context degree-level essays usually require a good few days of graft #live love laziness #hella goes to uni

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the-casbah-way · 1 month

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not to beat a dead horse but jesus christ can you just leave people alone in public bathrooms i just want to fucking piss girl i'm so tired of feeling anxious and trying to avoid using public bathrooms because of how fucking weird cis people are about it. i tried to go into the bathroom at work today (i have worked here for years) and this woman who has worked here for two weeks and doesn't know me laughed and tried to like. steer me in the direction of the men's toilet instead and was like "wrong way!" are you fucking kidding me fuck off

#i have worked in this building for years. i know where the fucking bathroom is #like i'm sorry but cis people just don't want me in any bathroom at this point. i can't fucking win #i'm not kidding you i didn't really think that people in real life would actually make a fuss over who is in the bathroom #but at uni specifically i have had A LOT of people in the womens bathroom awkwardly tell me “uh i think you're in the wrong bathroom haha”#they're not even doing it in an antagonistic way it's like they genuinely think i've walked into the wrong one #and it makes ME feel like a creep or like i've done something wrong #like you guys are the ones that insist i should be in this bathroom !!!! but then i go in there and get told i'm in the wrong one !!!!#it's one of the few things that never fails to make me feel anxious and sad because it's a fucking bathroom it shouldn't be a big deal #why am i being made to feel like i've done something wrong when i'm just trying to exist here like everyone else #and you know what. it doesn't matter how i identify right. because i've actually done nothing to intentionally masculanise my appearance #like the entire time i've been out. i had short hair before i came out and i dressed this way before i came out #i have not done anything to try and Look Like A Man or Look Cis. i just have masc bone structure NATURALLY #so for all you know i could just be a woman with short hair ????? and you're telling me i don't belong in here because of that ??#like sure i'm NOT a woman with short hair but my point is you literally cannot tell the difference #so just leave people alone

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lesbiansanemi · 25 days

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I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now #because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now #and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day #we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME???#also it's such a waste of fucking water....#idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off #but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up #and this is also something that happens multiple times a day #like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god #but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach #'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit #and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good #his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before #also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career #opportunities for him here (which is true)#and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here'#like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here???#but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc #and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now #i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma #and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own #it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down #about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life #and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done #and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this #that has been made PAINFULLY clear #ugh this is so fucking horrendous #what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person #who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life #like explain it to me jfc

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pbnmj · 1 year

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actually you know what the mcu was absolutely evil for introducing spider-man and immediately making him follow iron man around and then ALSO using him as a prop to make iron man look cooler meanwhile peter barely gets a faithful story of his own IN HIS OWN MOVIES