#I MISS ARCANE SO BAD BRO
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Truly New Horizons
We made it, folks. The end of 2023 is upon us. We have a new year upon us, a year that ideally will be full of new opportunities and new possibilities. A year where we can learn new things about ourselves and become better versions of ourselves.
Well, it's also an election year, so any hesitation or mounting dread is definitely understandable.
But as I think what may come next year, I realized a while back that a couple of constants from the past several years will no longer be there. The slate will be much cleaner than it has been in years past without these known quantities coming at some point.
In terms of shows I've followed, both Hilda and The Owl House ended this year to varying results (for me). I went on a while ago about how the former spurred me to watch more animation to see what I've been missing, which has mostly worked out. The latter is one of several shows I've warmed up with and have come to really appreciate from the past couple years.
We might possibly be coming down to the end of The Ghost and Molly McGee, which is another one I've come to really enjoy. Fans will surely keep these alive through fan art and writings, but their absence will be noted.
There was just one movie I was really following since we got the first snippets from years back, being my favorite of the year (shocking no one who knows me) The Super Mario Bros. Movie. You'd think they would have immediately told us about making another one but there is reportedly nothing yet.
Then there was also Nimona, a movie whose previous cancellation made everyone sad but then everyone happy when it turned out to be probably the comeback story of the year alongside Elemental (for me, anyway). I've really fallen off movie watching the past few years, so maybe I can get that back on track next year.
The biggest one: video games! The Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Booster Course Pass is over. The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom dropped nearly four years after it was first announced. Pikmin 4 dropped after years of wondering whether it actually exists. We got the first 2D Mario in over a decade.
The only MIA from the past six or so years is Metroid Prime 4, which we're all assuming now is being saved for the next system. Aside from a couple of remasters and smaller scale games, it really feels like we're coming up on the end of the Switch's life. That's sure to be another bittersweet day where I'll probably spew a few paragraphs.
There are still several constants. My main show Big City Greens is still chugging along with most of its fourth season yet to air. I've gotten into recent fare like Kiff, Hamster & Gretel, Hailey's On It!, and have shows like the other half of Invincible and the much anticipated season two of Arcane on tap.
I'm sure to play all those Switch games like the remaster of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door and Princess Peach: Showtime!. And sure, some of the other new things could provide some good times. I guess having become a fan of the series or something this year means I'll check out Persona 3 Reload. Maybe keeping some kind of blind eye to news feeds and being surprised by some new stuff is not a bad way to do things.
But maybe the biggest constant of all will be the company I keep. Sharing my experience with Persona 5 Royal with someone was perhaps the most exciting thing I did all year. I've begun to participate a bit more in some areas because maybe it could pay off with new connections. Then while nothing is set yet, I'd like to think it's a strong possibility that going to visit someone may be in the cards...
I've shared a bit of myself every day since July with my daily reports, and I'm happy to say those will not be going anywhere. It's interesting to look back at them months later and see what I was doing and wonder how I've changed since then. Another year of doing those is sure to provide more enriching opportunities and guide me with anything I want to do.
Thank you all for reading this year. Here's to 2024!
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F/O list and tags!!
This could change quite a bit cuz I collect f/o’s like Pokémon cards
I am comfortable with sharing btw!!
I do have poly self ships with some of them
This isn’t in any specific order like from most liked or alphabetical, it’s just random placement
Also some of them are a bit strange be warned lol
. Sal Fisher (Sally Face) - 🎸
. Spinel (Steven Universe) - 💖
. Elsa (Frozen) - ❄️
. Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice: The Musical) - 🪦
. Max Goof (An Extremely Goofy Movie) - 🛹
. Finn the human (Adventure Time/Fiona and Cake) - 🌳
. Fiona Campbell (Adventure Time/Fiona and Cake) - 🍬
. Farm World Finn (Adventure Time/Fiona and Cake) - 🦾
. Jacob Holland (Sea Beast) - 🏴☠️
. Mr Wolf (The Bad Guys) - 💰
. Diane Foxington (The Bad Guys) - 💍
. Scout (Team Fortress 2) - ⚾️
. Miss Pauling (Team Fortress 2) - 💜
. Jack Frost (Rise of the Guardians) - ⛄️
. Sully (Monsters Inc) - 🚪
. Ralph (Wreck it Ralph) - 👾
. Emily (Corpse Bride) - 🦋
. Kuzco (The Emperors New Groove) - 🦙
. Isabella Madrigal (Encanto) - 🌺
. Woody (Toy Story) - ⭐️
. Luigi (Super Mario Bros Movie) - 🍄
. Mario (Super Mario Bros Movie) - 🌟
. Princess Peach (Super Mario Bros Movie) - 👑
. Donkey Kong (Super Mario Bros Movie) - 🛢️
. Helga Sinclair (Atlantis: The Lost Empire) - 💄
. Jinx (Arcane) - 💣
. Ekko (Arcane) - 🪲
. Eris (Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas) - 🫧
. Goldilocks (Puss in Boots: The Last Wish) - 🧸
. Nani Pelekai (Lilo and Stitch) - 🌊
. Johnny (Sing) - 🎤
. Haley Dunphy (Modern Family) - 📱
. Hobie Brown (Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse) - 🕷️
. Avocato (Final Space) - 🪐
I’m still not 100% sure about using these tags so they may not be used for a while :/ sorry
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I posted 427 times in 2022
That's 212 more posts than 2021!
7 posts created (2%)
420 posts reblogged (98%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@sunder-the-gold
@starship-nine
@your-local-bambi-lesbian
@momolady
@theselkiesea
I tagged 98 of my posts in 2022
#monster fudger - 7 posts
#monsterxhuman - 7 posts
#d&d - 4 posts
#my writing - 4 posts
#ask game - 3 posts
#fate grand order - 3 posts
#unus annus - 3 posts
#dnd - 3 posts
#jeanne d'arc fate - 2 posts
#food - 2 posts
Longest Tag: 98 characters
#the words ‘stone cold jane austen’ have been sitting in my sketchbook for months and ronan finally
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
1 note - Posted May 30, 2022
#4
For the OC asks! 1, 2, 13, 14, 25 and 26 😁
For this I’ll be using my OC Lee Bromax, my most recent D&D character, a half-orc monk!
1. Weapon of choice?
He’s a trained martial artist, so he prefers to fight unarmed. Because he busted his hands up and it never healed right, he’s incredibly skilled with his legs and feet! (He was trained in aikido before his injury.)
2. Any magical powers?
Not in the arcane sense. He’s got the power of ki on his side, letting him push his body to do cool shit every now and again. His favorite trick is Flurry Of Blows, so he can throw three kicks in six seconds. (Soon it’ll be up to four kicks and I can’t wait!)
13. What is their attitude toward losing?
Lee is a very good loser. He’s no stranger to getting knocked down, but he hears no bell until he’s officially knocked onto his ass.
14. What is their ultimate move?
He’s only level three rn, so he doesn’t have any real Monk-style Super Moves, but for now it’s Relentless Endurance. Which means that once per long rest, when he gets knocked to 0 hp, he can instead fall to 1 hp. He didn’t hear no bell.
25. Are they good at fighting in teams or do they fight alone?
Lee is used to either one-on-one, or free-for-all fights. Being in teams is a little new to him, but he’s getting used to it.
26. Any special quirks?
Like I said, he can’t punch without hurting himself these days, so he’s pushed himself to master the art of legwork-based martial arts. Aside from that, he’s rather simple as a person. (Like, biting into a whole-ass loaf of bread because he’s hungry king of simple.)
1 note - Posted May 1, 2022
#3
7, 18, 26, 39 and 42!
7: What was your life like last year?
Honestly it took me a minute to remember lmao, but in all honesty I was still feeling the loss of Unus Annus and I had just gotten a solid job, so a little bit of good with the bad really
18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?
Absolutely not, my life now is far and away less detestable by my standards! I have a girlfriend, a job I know I can stand, and I’m doing far better mentally.
26: Idol(s)
If I had to guess, I’d say Ben Parker or my old man. Humble and generous men doing what they can for the people around them.
39: Favorite sport(s)
… Do eSports count? 😆 Honedtly I’d say I’m trying to get into boxing and MMA. It seems like, aside from an interesting (and rather painful) career, it’d be useful if I need it in a pinch. If we’re counting eSports tho, I’m gonna say Overwatch or Super Smash Bros Ultimate.
42: Favorite books
I don’t really have one favorite book. My favorite series growing up was Percy Jackson/Heroes Of Olympus, and recently I’ve been reading Arsene Lupin out of curiosity. My favorite short story is Call Of Cthulhu, hands down. (I’ve been meaning to read more horror anyhow.)
1 note - Posted January 5, 2022
#2
In light of the Stray game coming out, I welcome all cat pictures to be put in my inbox so they can wander about this empty tavern I call my blog
3 notes - Posted July 20, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I Am Not Immune To Pretty Lady In Armor
14 notes - Posted April 20, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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still doing requests? arcane ladies with a small muscular s/o
im 5’0 so i imagined the reader as that height as well. sorry 😭
Arcane women w/ Small, Muscular!Reader
Requested ⇢ Yes/No
Type ⇢ Headcanons ❥
❤️ Vi is absolutely enamored with you. You both work out together from time to time and because you’re smaller than her you’ll either be on her back while she’s doing push-ups or spot her here and there. She’s always cooing at you in you’re face about how adorable you are and it really bothers you from time to time so you’ll “playfully” hit her and she’d clutching her stomach, wheezing. For someone so small you sure do pack a punch.
💙 Caitlyn liked how she was taller than you. You’d remind her that you can protect yourself without needing her help but she always does what she can to protect you. Caitlyn isn’t really a gym bro or anything like that but she is always happy too spot you or just be you’re moral support whenever you go to workout. On chest days she’d suggest you sit in her lap while you both just veg out on the couch or even people watch from the balcony while enjoying junk food.
💛 Mel teases you a lot. Like Caitlyn, she’ll make fun of how she’s taller than you but she finds you absolutely adorable. On her off days she’ll either spend the whole day making sly comments about how you have “Short Person Syndrome” But she never means any of it. She just loves the pouty look you give her. Even if you’re a bit heavier than her she always wants you either on her lap or her carrying you. You think it’s because you’re short and it most likely is the reason why. Who knows ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ – ✧)
🧡 Grayson stopped working out cause of age, but she try’s every now and then when you ask her just so you don’t feel alone. Other times you’re both just vegging out, enjoying each other’s presence. She likes how your shorter than her because she can rest her arms or head on tops of yours. She likes when you swat away her hands because of how adorable you look but overall she knows when to stop because she doesn’t want you really upset. You had to stop training with her because of how hard you’re punches were. She swore she could take it but you decided it’d be best to train with the enforcers instead.
🤎Ambessa is absolutely in love with the size difference. At first it felt a bit weird and it took a bit of getting used to but once she did she couldn’t stop making up excuses to pick you up. Of course you’d hit and punch at her because of it but she was like a brick wall. She said they felt like pinches to her so they never really had an effect of her but she’ll always stop if you didn’t really like it. She’s against you training with her because of how powerful she is but you always annoy her about it, always in her ear too until she finally gives in. Never again. You swore you were stronger but never again. Most days though, your lounging out, clinging onto her while she’s coming up with strategies. It’s cute, like a little koala.
💜 It doesn’t matter how much you weigh or how much muscle you have, because you’re shorter than her, she’s always picking you up. She’ll put you in her shoulder over even gave you clinging to her arm. The work outs you both do are her favorite because you’d help her. She never wants to spar with you because she’s afraid you would get hurt really bad. You always tell her how much you could protect yourself, how your probably even strong than her she just didn’t want to take that chance.
💟 Renata likes looking down at you. But you on the other never miss a chance to talk about her height and because your short she never says anything about. Says you suffer from “Short Person Syndrome” too and never misses a chance to rest her hold entire body on you. You don’t struggle to hold her but it sure is a hassle, and she’s just laughing because of how cute it is. You’d sit on her desk just messing with random things and then out of nowhere she’s poking at your thigh with a pen because she’s bored. This both ends with you both roughhousing in her office until someone gives up or she kisses you. Never in between.
🤍 It’s common for you to get an attitude with Cass over the smallest things. For a long time she thought it was because of how small you were. You’re so tiny so you’re just full of rage. Whenever it does happen she often just ignores it and coos at you even more. Just flattering you about how cute you are, how you look so beautiful with your muscles. This calms you down and most of the time is really what you needed. We love Mommy Cass.
note: “short person syndrome” is just a gender neutral version of “short girl syndrome” something my mother always said i had when i was younger. basically it’s when you’re angry all the time because of how small you are ;-;
#arcane#☞shhhhh#sevika x reader#arcane grayson x reader#arcane caitlyn x reader#ambessa x reader#mel x reader#renata glasc x reader#caitlyn x reader#vi x reader#arcane x reader#enforcer grayson
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Everyone’s horny and everything’s on fire
NOTES 8-4 CORN CORN BEEF “Everyone’s horny and everything’s on fire”
The night before the meeting:
The gang is in a hotel room with Corrin.
How do we get him to the meeting? Elle, Melody, and Seymour vote to use the disguise kit and disguise him as Lieutenant Dan. The Captain agrees to the disguise.
What do we do with Gneeze? Robert the Gorgeous will babysit.
“Something bad’s a-brewing”
The gang goes to bed. (Long rest).
The gang wakes up at 7 AM to eat and get cleaned up.
Woody rolls for investigation: 19. He looks around and finds chandeliers and makes a wheelchair out of it. We are down 2 chairs and 2 chandeliers. Seymour inspects the wheelchair. “Solid but not your best work”.
The next morning:
Melody uses the disguise kit to make Corrin look like Gary Sinese as Lieutenant Dan during the NYE party.
Woody brings food to the gang. “Breakfast is ready”.
(Ally thought Corrin was a huge orange cat, LASAGNA!)
We start making our way to the palace, Seymour is pushing Corrin in the wheelchair. We managed to stay low-key even with the wheelchair rattling and squeaking. The gang decides to go to the store to buy new clothes for Melody because she’s pretty much naked at this point.
The gang pays 15 gold from the party fund.
We make it up toward the palace area. We sit in the reception area for 45 minutes. The Captain begins to get frustrated and goes into the counsels chambers. Some time goes by and the Captain comes back saying “They moved you to later in the day… they are busy… They are currently talking to your Dad”. Captain tells Elle to stash Corrin. She leaves the palace and teleports with Corrin to Gar’s. The gang watches Elle’s back. On our way out, we run into Alabaste on his way into the Palace.
“I thought you guys had a meeting”. Woody explains that the meeting was held back.
Elle and Seymour split from Woody and Melody.
Alabaste seems confused. Woody whispers a message to Gar explaining what is going on. “Who knows he’s here? Could anybody have been tracking you guys? Let’s just hope no one is tracking your movements… Keep me informed”. (This is the first time Alabaste has even used Telepath on the gang)
Elle is looking paranoid, looking for a place to hide. She teleports with Corrin.
(It’s bad)
The gang catches up with Seymour. Woody sends a sending stone to Elle asking how everything is going.
“Hurry up to the fucking room, it’s so fucking bad bro. Gar’s fucking dead. The place is on fire. Everyones on fire and dead. Vamanos”.- Elle
We make it to the hotel in 5 minutes. As we arrive, we head up the stairs and leaned up against the wall is a familiar hobgoblin. He steps out into the middle of the stairs and says “Let’s have a conversation”. We have not seen in him a while but we have had a conversation with him in this very hotel. His hair is pulled back into a topknot, he is wearing leather studded armor, is wearing a vile that has an arcane glow to it. He ushers the gang to a table off to the side. The gang sits at the table. “You have someone we want. Bring him to us or there will be consequences. No negotiation, no backdoor deal. You have someone we want and you will bring him to us”.
When it comes to the hobgoblin: Whatever is in this vial is an arcane focus of some kind. He is obviously some sort of spell caster. He has armor and a hilt of a sword. He is some sort of marshal type.
“Where is he?” “I actually don’t know who you are talking about”- Woody.
“You will find him and you will give him to me”. He pulls out a sliver of paper and puts it in the center of the table. “Why do you want him” “You know how dangerous he is. You know what he possesses. Give him to us and all will be forgiven… I would; however, avoid that meeting you have later today”.- hobgoblin
“And you are horribly outnumbered.”
We see 3 of the same big large Orcs wearing shiny plate armor sitting various places in this hall watching us. Not related Doomhammer.
“By my count, theres only three of you. The two women are missing. You have to sundown”.
He pays for everyone’s drinks and goes back to the main part of the bar.
As we go up the stairs, Melody starts feeling like we are being followed. She makes out that a large figure is following us.
At the top, the doors are open. Inside the room, Elle is trying to wake up Robert the Gorgeous.
(After the message with us, Elle realizes the room has been ransacked. Gneeze’s hammer is still there. Handsome is kind of fucked up but Gneeze is gone)
Woody bonked Bob with the heal hammer. “Hob Goblins and Orcs?” -Woody. “No, cat folk”.
Elle sends a message to the captain over “sexy phone”. “What’s going on with you and them. Everything’s horrible everything’s on fine. What the fuck. When are you free? Watch out for 3 cats, elves, Orcs, and hob goblins. There’s a lot to unpack”.
Elle explains what just happened. There were fires and they were attacked during the night.
Aurelio Faranth… who is this?
There was an Elf, a dwarf, and 3 or 4 more indivuduals.
The gang explains to Elle everything that just happened.
“alabaste, Gar’s keep was under attack last night. Gar was in bad shape. Elle made it back, Man named Aurelio was there, too”- Woody to Alabaste.
“What do you mean attacked? Who is this Aurelio?”
“Elle said Aurelio was a friend of Gar’s. Elle saw Gar still alive but badly injured. Place was burned. It’s bad”.
Elle just remembered Gar said “We were betrayed”… hinting toward Dalm the beholder.
Elle messages Gneeze “Hey where the fuck are you? Answer if you’re dead. If you are say yes”
“I’m at the brothel”. He sounds strange.
“Okay, everyone is dead and room is ransacked. They took only your stuff so you should hurry back”
“Oh, I’m sure it will all work out. I’m here with my family”.- Gneeze.
It is believed that Gneeze has been dominated.
The gang discusses what to do next.
The door explodes. A very large buff, ripped, Goliath woman comes in. “I hear you’re missing a friend”.
Melody has heart-eyes.
“Everyone’s horny and everything’s on fire”
This Goliath woman to Melody “Are you from Tennessee because you’re the only ten I see”.
( Every time she is within eyesight, Melody must roll disadvantage because she is distracted by the hot Goliath chick).
“They’re not letting anyone in at the moment and everythings on fire?” – to the Captain
Elle explains the situation.
“I’ll keep an eye out for Gneeze. Do you need more or would I be more useful here”- Captain
Uwu- The Goliath woman
“Stay in Cataracta, we don’t know what we are doing” “You aren’t leaving are you?”
“Don’t come back to the hotel”
Uwu wants to tag along “for the coin”. “Sex work is work”. Elle looks shocked.
Uwu offers to carry Corrin and disguise him as a john who had a rough night.
“I feel like we are running into an unintentional trap” Elle.
Corrin and Robert look a lot alike. Seymour says we should disguise him out of here and take him to the sublevel. Woody asked Bob if he would be a body double for Corrin. He agrees to do it. While we take Bob out the real Corrin can sneak out the back.
The plan is to disguise Bob as Corrin and take him out of the hotel while Corrin goes out the back with Uwu to go to the sublevels.
Bob, Melody, Seymour, and Woody go out the front. Bob and Melody sell it as Seymour and Woody are having a bit of a time trying to look convincing.
(the paper slipped by the hobgoblin was a location to bring Corrin)
Elle and Uwu are trying to get out the window.
Elle runs and jumps out the window, Elle catches herself on a tree. Corrin and Uwu jump and catch the tree. The branch breaks. Elle climbs down the tree.
Elle psychic whispers Corrin, Woody, and Uwu.
Bob leaves.
Under Uwu’s direction, we get to the sublevel. Uwu is in charge of the investigation. “The junk smith is an informant of mine”.
As we continue through the subcity, we start to smell rotten garbage. There are large holes in the ceiling. We see smoke rising in the distance. Theres a small hut and a small blacksmith area. A 3 foot tall Mogo. Uwu “So we are looking for a guy and you know things. Have you seen a cat girl who got stolen” “I may have seen something”.Uwu asks what Mogo wanted for information. “Mogo needs new parts”. They give Mogo the wheelchair. Mogo gives a list of parts he wants.
Mogo goes through items. Uwu asks if he saw a cat girl. Mogo says he saw 2 cat people carrying a 3 cat person. Mogo said he saw them on the Eastern side of the sublevel at the docks. Uwu gives him a crowbar. “Mogo happy.”
Corrin lays low with Mogo. Seymour “Shine on you crazy Cobalt.”
The gang and Uwu leave toward the warehouse Mogo was talking about.
We make it to the warehouse. 150 ft long, 60 ft across. Windows are busted out, it’s abandoned.
Melody climbs and looks through a window. She didn’t notice anyone inside.
Elle cases the joint. She sees, in toward the back, strapped to a chair, Gneeze. There are 2 individuals wearing silken robes. One is clearly a Tabaxi and the other is either a Tabaxi or Leonin. Elle psychic whispers that.
Melody casts greater invisibility and Woody turns Seymour invisible.
A 3rd cat person is against the wall and staring at Gneeze.
Uwu goes into the building, Melody stays in the shadow to the right. Seymour and Woody to the left waiting by the door. Elle walks toward them, and Melody does also.
Uwu talks to them. They ask what she is doing there and she says she is here for the cat girl. They ask if she knows the gang and she says she knows of them. “We have no interest in you. You just speak to this persons people and bring them”. Elle sees the door they are posted up against is barricaded.
Woody breaks through the barricaded door. Elle runs for Gneeze. The big tabaxi/leonin pulls a sword on her.
Woody yeets into the building. Seymour does as well. STILL INVISIBLE.
Gneeze throws a bag of coins at Uwu and the illusion drops. “You’re free to go you’re no longer needed”.
“You have the prisoner, Corrin. You will bring him to us or we will kill your friend”.
Seymour is unhinged. The cat people offer Uwu more money.
The sword pulled on Elle has a powerful aura about it. It radiates energy.
Elle dashes toward the window and into the window.
Woody casts haste making him visible. He shoots the big cat person and misses and Titan bites the little one. It weaves something with it’s hand, the claws begin to glow. Sparks of energy begin to flow around it. Melody casts counter spell, the cat person counter spells the counter spell. He hits Elle, Seymour and Woody with a fireball. Seymour casts bless on everyone. Seymour’s invisibility drops and he moves forward. The cat person pulls out a short sword and slashes Seymour. The cat person in the middle uses a Legendary and uses it’s ability to after image
Melody attempts to cast chromatic orb and it misses. She moves toward the battle.
Uwu hits the middle cat person with a light hammer. As a bonus action, she attempts flurry of blows; however, they all miss. Elle casts summon fae, fuming. A red cap appears. Elle uses Psychic blade and hits the middle cat person. Fae uses multi-attack, causing 12 pts of damage.
Woody shoots the big cat person causing 10 pts damage. He casts arcane jolt and heals 12 pts. Hits another 32 pts of damage. Titan bites the big cat person moving a shadow off. Every time the cat people are hit they all react. The caster disappeared. The big one gets a flurry of arcane around it. It casted haste on the big cat person. Seymour hits the cat person and it’s mirror images disappear. It sends a dart toward Woody, missing him. It goes toward Woody. The cat person attacks Seymour with the sword causing 53 pts of slashing damage and 9 of radiant damage. Melody casts heal on Seymour and gives him 70 pts. Melody casts firebolt and misses.
Uwu hits with light hammer. She misses flurry of blows. Uwu misses stun. The cat person hits Uwu causes 18 pts of slashing damage. Elle misses using Psychic blade, misses again, and threw the psychic blade missing piercing herself causing 8pts of psychic damage. The fae misses. Woody moves to where Titan is. He casts dispel magic on the hasted cat person. Counter spelled. Woody misses again. Titan bites the big cat person. Uwu hears whispers in the back of her head. “Good now I need you to tell me where is he hiding?”. She is dominated. “Hes at Mogo’s junkyard" “That wasn’t so hard, was it”. She snaps her fingers and they disappear. Elle counter spells. Seymour dispelled the magic. Uwu is no longer dominated. The small cat person misses. The large cat person hits Seymour causing 74 pts of slashing damage. The big cat person action surges and drops Seymour to no pts. Melody cure wounds and heals Seymour 24 pts. Melody casts shocking grasp and misses. Uwu hits twice causing 14 pts damage, misses twice. Elle Psychic blades the big cat person causing 51 pts of damage. Second attack, missing. Psychic blade hits for 7 pts of damage. The fae clobbers the big cat person for 14 pts. Bonus action, fuming. Woody causes the small cat person 10 pts of damage. Titan bites the big cat person for 13 pts of damage. The mage sends necrotic energy in form of blight, 13 pts damage. Seymour misses. Seymour hits with smite and the big cat person goes down. The smaller cat person attacks Woody, missing. It moves circling around and attacks and misses. Melody casts spirit guardian, was counterspelled. Melody counter spelled back. Shocking grasp the small cat person for 15 pts of damage. Uwu misses. Hits unarmed strike for 7 damage. Flurry of blows for 17 pts of damage. Elle misses twice and hits for 10 pts on the small cat person. The fae misses the mage twice. The mage takes 16 pts of damage from Spirit guardians. Mage dispelled spirit guardians. Seymour swings on the small cat person and hits twice. 34 in damage and 25 in damage. Melody casts chromatic orb and misses. Casts shocking grasp and the mage puts up shield. Uwu misses and hits Melody with 11 pts of bludgeoning damage. Elle psychic blades, missing thrice. The fae misses. Woody misses. Titan heels. She teleports away.
Elle gets the box and teleports to the junkyard. Woody goes to find the Captain. Seymour, Melody, and Uwu stick around. This place was set up as an ambush. The sword was left behind. The sword is of an arcane make that Melody has never seen. It is not a common thing. When it is touched it has a deep connection to magic. They go to the junkyard.
Uwu and Melody are locked in stasis. A man releases them from stasis and walks away from them. “Who are you?”- Melody asks. He turns back, makes eye contact with Seymour and walks away.
Elle teleports to the junkyard. She looks around and sees Mogo. “Mogo say, Hi friend”. Elle asks if he knows where Corrin is and he does not. Elle psychic whispers Corrin. Corrin says he’s going toward the palace.
Woody sees the two cats in the corner against the wall.
Woody ties them up and puts them in the bag of holding.
Woody plans to question them.
Elle is really tired from running. “I can’t find the fruity sorcerers”.
She finds Corrin. She uses her disguise self to dress like a fruit vendor.
Mages are fruity. She asks where to put the cat people. The gang shows up.
Woody asks where to put the cat people. He says to put them behind bars.
City guards come and take them away.
Everyone gets some food and gets cleaned up.
Akaron black blade short sword.
Plus 2 studded leather
Ring of protection
The Mage Slayer- plus 3 sword forged in Cazarn, so perfect it will cut through Arcane. Can only be attuned to if it was won in combat.
The Captain and Seymour decide to go find Gneeze (In Temple with Lady Shailllia... the temple for the fertility god)
Corrin and Woody go to the meeting.
Was Gneeze raped? Is Gneeze prego?
...TO BE CONTINUED
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[ Rest ]
Request: For the Douxie prompts/asks could you write something angst or hurt/comfort where he overexerts his magic and Claire, Jim and Archie take care of him with soft cuddles and stuff? - @random-nerd-3
Author’s Note: Your wish is my command, dear reader ~
“Douxie, I want to improve my skills just as much as you do, but don’t you think this is too much? Everyone’s worried about you,”
“I can’t afford to not practice, Claire. The Arcane Order has the Genesis Seals! If we want our future plans to work, I’ve got to be ready,”
Claire frowned. He wasn’t wrong, but this? This wasn’t right either. He was starting to run on empty, exhausting himself, growing weaker and weaker as the hours passed. She couldn’t stand to see him like this. Before she could stop herself, the words slipped out.
“Merlin wouldn’t have wanted this...”
Douxie froze. Claire clasped her hands around her mouth.
Too soon. Way too soon.
“Get out,” he breathed out.
"Wait I didn’t--”
“Claire. Don’t make me repeat myself,”
There was no room for hesitation. Closing the door softly behind her, she walked towards her quarters, ignoring the eyes on her that begged for some sort of good news. Jim followed her.
“Didn’t go well, huh?”
“Didn’t go well? Jim, I messed up!”
“Hey hey hey, don’t be so hard on yourself, Archie did tell you Douxie can be a little stubborn,”
“Yeah, but I told him Merlin wouldn’t want him to overexert himself...”
Jim winced. Okay so maybe she did mess up. But that didn’t make her words less true.
“Maybe I can take a shot next? Toby and I have bro to bro talks all the time so I can maybe convince him,” Jim offered.
“Go ahead, but I don’t know if it’ll work...”
It didn’t. Jim ended up slamming the door shut this time, before the flames could escape. Archie raised an eyebrow.
“Well that’s new,”
“He... he definitely has gotten stronger... I’ll confirm that,” Jim replied between breaths. Man, if there’s something he learned, it’s to never make a wizard mad. He wondered just how Claire was able to get by unscathed.
“I think we’ll have to wait this one out,” the familiar shrugged. Neither Claire nor Jim liked the idea, but there really wasn’t much they could do.
And so the next few days passed like that. For hours on end Douxie stayed locked up in his room, practicing the spells Claire translated from ancient draconic -- which she now regrets -- and barely showing up, save for meals.
Even then he seemed to be lost in his thoughts. No one could really get through to him. Sometimes Steve would literally have to shake him out of it. Of course, that resulted in an even more irritated Douxie and a frightened Steve.
But one day he started to not show up at all, skipping meals to the point of not even letting Claire drop the food off in his room. Clearly, he was isolating himself and it was getting out of hand. So much for the talk about relying on friends and being there for each other.
“He can’t go on like this! He’s not even eating Jim,” Claire pleaded. Jim nodded, holding her hands in his. This couldn’t go on.
“I know, I know. I think it’s time we confronted him,”
“I’ll join you. I’ve known Hisirdoux the most out of us three,” Archie added, perching on Claire’s shoulder.
“Then it’s settled. And remember, we’re not going to stop until Hisirdoux stops.”
They didn’t expect to see the wizard on the ground coughing, staff several feet away. His eyes were clouded with grief, a string of ‘sorry’s falling from his lips.
“Douxie! Oh god, you’re in really bad shape. Jim go get some water. Archie bring a towel, he’s sweating a lot,”
“On it!”
Douxie couldn’t feel Claire propping him up on the couch and wiping his face. And he didn’t know exactly when the water Jim got him hit the back of his throat. He was too numb to comprehend anything. But there was one thing he knew. He failed. Again. He really was a failure.
“Fool, do you really think you can save your friends? You couldn’t even save me!” Merlin shouted. He had every right to shout. If he was alive, then maybe Hisirdoux wouldn’t be so lost right now. Maybe he would have become a better wizard under Merlin’s guidance. Maybe his friends would have had a better chance at being safe. This was all his fault. It was his fault that Merlin was dead. If he was just a quicker, a wiser, a better wizard, this wouldn’t have happened.
The only way to mend things was through practice. Practice, practice, practice. A wizard never makes mistakes. A wizard must be perfect.
Claire wrapped her arms around him and willed the shadows in his mind to part. Archie nuzzled Douxie and Jim patted him on the back.
“It’s going to be okay, teach,”
“You always be the perfect wizard in our eyes,”
“But you gotta let us help you, it’s not good to be alone. I would know,”
Hisirdoux wanted to believe all of it, but it was so difficult to. He was so terrified of the future. He didn’t want to lose his friends like he did Merlin. He didn’t want to disappoint them. To fail them. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t feel like he’d ever be.
"I’m tired...” he mumbled. Claire smiled.
“Yeah magic does that to you. Can we just stay like this? You probably need a cuddle sesh right now,”
“I’m with Claire on this one,” Jim added, snaking his arms around the wizard’s shoulders. He was never one to shy away from hugs, having gotten used to them from the team as well as his mom. Archie on the other hand, climbed onto Douxie’s lap, purring softly.
Archie knew the kid missed Merlin dearly. He did as well. But sooner or later, they would both have to learn to move on.
“Rest, Hisirdoux. Rest.”
#hisirdoux casperan#hisirdoux#douxie#claire nuñez#claire#jim lake junior#james lake junior#jim#archie#toa#tales of arcadia#toa wizards#tales of arcadia wizards#toa trollhunters#tales of arcadia trollhunters#toa spoilers#tales of arcadia spoilers#tales of arcadia imagines#toa imagines#request#hope this was to your liking!!#and yes douxie listens to everyone and eats and becomes stronger again
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MY WIZARDS EXPERIENCE
A COMPILATION BC I'M TOO LAZY TO SEPARATE THIS SHIT
P.S. Spoilers(?) Ahead
P.P.S. THIS IS REALLY LONG SO HONESTLY DON'T WASTE UR TIME JUST WANT TO GET THIS ALL OUT
Episode 1
Douxie is precious. I'd give my life for him love him.
Archie the little shit. I love him.
THE OPENING SEQUENCE!!! BROOOOO
Jim u unfotunate bb
GIVE JIM A BREAK!!!
Merlin ur so useless sometimes i h8 u
NARI BB I LOVE U I'M ADOPTING U U PRECIOUS CHILD
GIVE DOUXIE AND CLAIRE THE STAFFS THEY DESERVE!!!
THE END CREDITS!!!!!!!!!
Episode 2
FREE JIM!!!
DON'T KILL JIM!!!
SAVE JIM!!!
POWERFUL CLAIRE 😍
GLOWY EYES CLAIRE 😍😍😍
MORGANA I KNOW U TRIED TO KILL MY BABIES IN TROLLHUNTERS BUT I LOVE U UR GORGEOUS
Arthur u suck
... douxie that was yourself
douxie u suck at blending in but i still love u
oh God steve why
u fucking look alike ofc u'd say that
YES FREE JIM!
drunk steve :')))
rapper steve :')))
Merlin during that part when the trolls escape Camelot lol same
POWERFUL CLAIRE!!!
GLOWY EYES CLAIRE!!!!!
trollhunter squad -1 being saved by their enemies lol
Episode 3
I do not like glowy eyes jim
morgana gwen gay
HOLY SHIT POWERFUL CLAIRE 😍
i wanted u two (morgana and claire) to be friends :'(((
HOLY SHIT ARTHUR WAS THE ONE WHO CUT MORGANA'S HAND OFF
AHSAKAJSKAJ MORGANA DEAD???
Episode 4
AGAKAJAAJ BLINKY
NIMUE!!!
TIME TO SEE WHICH NIMUE THEORY IS TRUE
AAARRRGGHH!!!
WITCH CLAIRE! POWERFUL CLAIRE! U AMAZING GIRL I LOVE U! U CAN OPEN THAT SHADOW PORTAL!
TEACHER DOUXIE :')))) I LOVE U
no nimue theory is true (or maybe there's a true theory out there but the ones i have read aren't)
IT'S THE THINGY!!! (and by thingy i'm referring to that netflix screensaver?/sneakpeek?/thingy)
Douxie freeing Nimue and receiving excalibur
Ur an amazing person Douxie and i love u
Jim & Morgana parallel???
OoO IT WAS NARI WHO GAVE MORGANA THE HAND
history's going alright in my pov
Episode 5
MORGANA GETTING HER GOLD ARMOUR GEAR THINGY!!! (me: 😍)
MORE TEACHER DOUXIE HIHI!!!
SHIT CLAIRE GET OUT OF THERE
>:((( merlin listen to them
steve and food hihi (same)
oh God steve
steve calling for eli :'(((
IS CALLISTA GONNA BE DEYA?!!!
CALLISTA DEFINITELY IS DEYA
CLAIRE IS BEING THE AWESOME QUEEN SHE IS AGAIN I LOVE HER
U GO GIRL
creepslayerz :'))) i miss eli
past douxie u dork i love u
Episode 6
AAAAAAAA VENDEL
Jim & Claire reunion 😍
draal i missed u :'(((
TROLL DADS ORIGIN HIHI
IF THEY KILL JIM I SWEAR
THE AMULET OF DAYLIGHT ORIGINS HIHI
where's kanjigar?
decimaar blade >:(((
coach steve HIHIHI i love him
Jim and Claire date hihi they're so soft my bbs
:'((((
jim... claire's always been an awesome wizard
THE AMULET ORIGINS!!!
DOUXIE AND MERLIN WORKING TOGETHER TO CREATE IT :')))
DOUXIE FINALLY GETS THE STAFF HE DESERVES YIEEEEE!!!
CALLISTA TROLLHUNTER!
pre-trollhunters draal >:(((
THE TROLL DADS 🥺
BLINKY U GAY SHIT
ALSO AAARRRGGHH!!! HAD A NOSE RING WHAT A CUTIE
YIEEEEEE CAL IS DEYA I KNEW IT!!!
AJA MENTION!!!
Episode 7
IT'S THE BATTLE OF KILAHEAD!!!
PLS DON'T KILL JIM HUHU
gosh merlin u useless shit douxie's doing all the hard work
DEYA WHERE DAFUQ R U
OH NO LANCELOT
OH NO ARTHUR
OH HE ACTUALLY DIES HERE AND IT'S NOT GONNA MESS WITH TIME ALRIGHT NO PROBLEM
DEYA! TROLLMARKET! WHERE R U
THERE THEY ARE WHAT TOOK YA'LL SO LONG
WHERE'S THE DAYLIGHT ARMOUR???
OH THERE IT IS
DOUXIE TURNING HIS STAFF INTO A GUITAR THE ABSOLUTE CUTIE
don't worry doux i think it's amazing
DOUXIE U DORK I LOVE U
U CAN DEFEAT MORGANA WITH THE POWER OF MUSIC I BELIEVE IN U !!!
DOUXIE AND HIS OBSESSION WITH FIRE HIHI
IT'S THE QUOTE (ALTHOUGH JUST PART OF IT) BUT STILL !!!
IF U THINK I DIDN'T RECITE IT ALONG WITH DEYA
(disappointed she didn't get to say it so i'll say it for her) DON'T THINK !!! BECOME !!!
DEYA MY GURL I'M SO PROUD OF U
I LOVE MY TROLL DADS
JIM PLS DON'T DIE :'(((((
where's steve? where dafuq is steve? did ya'll leave him? HOY DON'T LEAVE HIM
oh jk he's there
hihi past douxie hihi
Episode 8
JIM NO DON'T DIE HUHU
NARI U PRECIOUS CHILD 😍
PROTECC NARI
DOUXIE AND HIS MAGIC GUITAR I LOVE HIM
WTF NO JIM!!! HUHU
NOOOO JIM
AYSJAHSKAHA IT'S KREL HIHI
her name's zoe !!!
soooooo who exactly is zoe
"we're closed to privileged arthurian toolbags" ok i love zoe
wizard underground hihi
HAVE I ALREADY SAID HOW MUCH I LOVE NARI HIHI
WTF DID THEY DO TO JIM GRRR
FREE JIM !!! SAVE JIM !!!
OH NO THEY FUCKING BROKE THE AMULET AGAIN
WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP BREAKING THE AMULET
WHY DOES IT KEEP FUCKING BREAKING
MORGANA!!!
MORGANA JOINS TEAM GOOD ???!!!
HOLY CRAP WHO DAFUQ IS THE GREEN NIGHT
IS IT ARTHUR? BUT HE'S DEAD ???
PROTECT NARI HIHI I LOVE HER
but gdi merlin
YES!!! SAVE JIM!!!
so ... who is pretending to be nari
is it archie???
yep! it is archie
NARI I LOVE HER
PRECIOUS
gdi merlin we're not leaving without claire and jim
CHANGE JIM BACK FREE JIM SAVE JIM HUHU WTF DID THEY DO TO JIM
fucking shit morgana i want u in team good stop being team bad
IT'S ARTHUR HOLY FUKC
HOLY SHIT MERLIN DEAD ???
i h8 merlin but shit bro why'd u kill him huhu
GLOWY EYES DOUXIE 😍
POWERFUL DOUXIE 😍
GO BOI
MERLIN ALIVE ???
"i'll try to make u proud" "you already have" :'((( no i'm not crying u r
SON???!!! HAHA(?) I KNEW IT???
BUT WHY WOULD CALL UR DAD MASTER??? WHAT KIND OF MESSED UP KINKY SHIT???
Episode 9
hihi past douxie
douxie u cheater
AH JK FATHER FIGURE NOT REAL FATHER alrightz
doux :'((((
i mean i'm not super sad bc i don't really like merlin but still
IS THAT A GOOD MORGANA I SEE hihihi
FREE JIM :'((((
nari i love u
NO JIM'S ALIVE I BELIEVE
noooo don't bake douxie into a blood pie i love him
did charlemagne the devourer just make a pun
charlemagne is archie's dad lol i didn't expect that
charlie
lol this is gonna take a long time
TEAM GOOD MORGANA !!!!!
HIHI MORGANA I'M PROUD OF U
CLAIRE AND MORGANA BFFS lol
BB ARCHIE THAT'S SO CUTE
DOUXIE!!!
THE CLAIRE MORGANA DUO HIHI
Episode 10
Last ep huhu
krel my boi !!!
nari bb :'(((
krel precious
douxie hihi my boi !!! U SMART BOI I LOVE U
YES U ARE STRONG ENOUGH HISIRDOUX CASPERAN I LOVE U
he trapped them in a time loop i love him
douxie and his guitar i love him
NARI HIHI UR SO PRECIOUS I LOVE U
THAT'S MY BOI DOUXIE I LOVE U
OH NO DON'T KILL DOUXIE
DOUXIE PLS DON'T DIE
AHSKAJSKSJA PURPLE EYED CLAIRE OMG GURL I LOVE U
GLOWY EYED PURPLE EYED CLAIRE !!!!
OH NO DID THEY KILL MORGANA
DID MORGANA DIE ?????
OH NO DON'T KILL CLAIRE
CLAIRE PLS DON'T DIE
MORGANA DEAD :'(((
WHY DO THEY KEEP KILLING PPL HUHU
stop it
STOP BREAKING MY HEART
JIM ALIVE!!!!
IT'S MY BLUE EYED BABY BOI
OH NO JIM DEAD :'(((( i'm literally sobbing right now huhu NOOOO
U CAN'T DO THIS WTF HUHU
AHAAJJAJAAJ TEAR!!!
AHSKAJAKAKAKA JIM ALIVE!!!!
JIM HUMAN!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
OH NO DOUXIE NO
DON'T DIE DOUXIE HUHU
YES SAVE DOUXIE!!!! CATCH DOUXIE!!!
OH NO FUCK DOUXIE DEAD TT
DOUXIE ALIVE!!!
or douxie dead??? i'm confused
MHM DOUXIE WHY R U THERE GO BACK TOT THE LAND OF THE LIVING
LOL DOUXIE NOT FOLLOWING MERLIN'S INSTRUCTIONS I LOVE HIM
WTF DOUXIE DEAD???!!! I DISAGREE
YES!!! DOUXIE ALIVE !!!!!!!!!
JIM HUMAN I'M SO HAPPY!!!!
JIM EYEBROW SCAR??? OMG!!!
JIM WIELD EXCALIBUR???
OR NOT???
TALES OF ARCADIA: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC
no douxie nari don't go away huhu i'm gonna miss u
DOUXIE AND NARI IN A BIG CITY IS THAT NEW YORK OR SMTH
WHERE R THEY???
BUT WBT EXCALIBUR???
AND THE ARCANE ORDER???
SEASON 2???
it's a limited series tho so maybe not huhu
#wizards#tales of arcadia#tales of arcadia: wizards#Hisirdoux Casperan#Douxie Casperan#Douxie#Claire Nuñez#Steve Palchuk#Merlin#Morgana#James Lake Jr#Jim Lake Jr#Archie#Toby Domzalski#AAARRRGGHH!!!#Krel Tarron#Blinky#Blinkous Galadrigal#wizards spoilers#toa spoilers#toawizards
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“Hey bro! Check out this Nike ad!” This was my entry point into a new world.
…
Since Carlos had lived mostly outside the United States, he was able to follow soccer on a level I’d never encountered in my hometown. Back then, before social media and the advent of scarf-wearing Northwestern fútbol hipsters, big-time European soccer was like the metric system: Known to almost all but ourselves. But Carlos knew, and immediately used LimeWire to curate me a massive archive of 1990s through early 2000s soccer highlights. What was I doing in the world without them?
Oddly enough, in trying to inculcate me in soccer fandom, he started not with game highlights, but with the advertisements. Yes, Carlos was an educator and a voluntary footsoldier for Big Apparel. Going in, I had no clue about high-quality, internationally popular Nike soccer ads. The ads, written by the legendary Wieden+Kennedy firm, were miniature movies, films that were often creatively daring but also quite funny. The most popular of these ads might be “Good vs. Evil,” from 1996, where Nike’s best soccer players team up to play Satan’s literal army. The blending of sacrilege, theology and comedy just worked, like a more ambitious version of Space Jam that somehow took itself less seriously than Space Jam.
…
Yes, I know ads aren’t supposed to be high art. I understand that they are the purest distillation of manipulative greed. And yet, they sometimes are culturally relevant generational touchstones. While Nike was weaving soccer into enduring pop culture abroad, it was having a similar kind of success with basketball and baseball stateside. These ads weren’t just pure ephemera. Michael Jordan’s commercials were so good that, as he nears age 60, his sneaker still outsells any modern athlete’s. “Chicks dig the long ball” is a phrase (a) that can get you sent to the modern HR department and b) whose origins are fondly remembered by most American men over the age of 35.
Modern Nike ads will never be so remembered. It’s not because we’re so inundated with information these days, though we are. And it’s not because today’s overexposed athletes lack the mystique of the 1990s superstars, though they do. It’s because the modern Nike ads are beyond fucking terrible.
…
They’re bad for many causes, but one in particular is an incongruity at the company’s heart. Nike, like so many major institutions, is suffering from what I’ll call Existence Dissonance. It’s happening in a particular way, for a particular reason and the result is that what Nike is happens to be at cross-purposes from what Nike aspires to be.
…
For all the talk of a racial reckoning within major industries, Nike’s main problem is this: It’s a company built on masculinity, most specifically Michael Jordan’s alpha dog brand of it. Now, due to its own ambitions, scandals, and intellectual trends, Nike finds masculinity problematic enough to loudly reject.
This rejection is part of the broader culture war, but it’s accelerating due to an arcane quirk in the apparel giant’s strange restructuring plan, announced in June. Under the leadership of new CEO John Donahoe, Nike is moving away from its classic discrete sports categories (Nike Basketball, Nike Soccer, etc.) in favor of a system where all products are shoveled into one of three divisions: men’s, women’s and kids’. Obviously Nike made clothing tailored to the specificities of all these groups before, but now, Nike is emphasizing gender over sport. Gone is the model of the product appealing to basketball fans because they are basketball fans. It’s now replaced by a model of, say, the product appealing to women because they are women.
And hey, women buy sneakers too. Actually, women buy the lion’s share of clothing in the United States. While women shoppers are market dominant in nearly every aspect of American apparel, the clothing multinational named after a Greek goddess happens to be a major exception. At Nike, according to its own records, men account for roughly twice as much revenue as women do.
You might see that stat and think, “Well, this means that Nike will prioritize men over women in its new, odd, gendered segmentation of the company.” That’s not necessarily how this all works, thanks to a phenomenon I’ll call Undecided Whale. The idea is that a company, as its aims grow more expansive, starts catering less to the locked-in core customer and more to a potential whale which demonstrates some interest. Sure, you can just keep doing what’s made you rich, but how can you even focus on your primary business with that whale out there, swimming so tantalizingly close? The whale, should you bring it in, has the potential to enrich you far more than your core customers ever did. And yeah yeah yeah, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but those were birds. This is a damned whale! And so you start forgetting about your base.
You can see this dynamic in other places. For the NBA, China is its Undecided Whale. It could be argued that the NBA fixates more on China than on America, even if the vast majority of TV money comes from U.S. viewership. The league figures it has more or less hit its ceiling in its home country, so China becomes an obsession as this massive, theoretical growth engine.
…
Here’s the main issue for Nike in this endeavor: The company, as a raison d’être, promotes athletic excellence. While women are among Nike’s major sports stars, the core of high-level performance, in the overwhelming majority of sports, is male. Every sane person knows that, though nobody in professional class life seems rude enough to say so. Obviously, there’s the observable reality of who tends to set records and there’s also the pervasive understanding that testosterone, the main male sex hormone, happens to give unfair advantages to the athletes who inject it.
Speaking of which, there’s a famous This American Life episode from 2002 where the public radio journos actually test their own testosterone levels. The big joke of the episode is just how comically low their T levels are. Sure, you would stereotype bookish public radio men in this way, and yet the results are on the nose enough to shock.
As a nerdy media-weakling type, I can relate to the stunning realization that you’ve been largely living apart from T. Before working in the NBA setting, I was an intern in the cubicles of Salon.com’s San Francisco office, around the time it was shifting from respectable online magazine into inane outrage content mill. Going from that setting to the NBA locker room was some jarring whiplash, like leaving the faculty lounge for a pirate ship. To quote Charles Barkley on the latter culture, “The locker room is sexist, racist, and homophobic … and it’s fun and I miss it.”
…
The “Good vs. Evil” ad boasts a “Like” to “Dislike” ratio of 20-to-1 on YouTube. On June 17th of 2021, Nike put out an ad ahead of the Euro Cup that referenced “Good vs. Evil” as briefly as it could. In this case, a little child popped his collar and used Cantona’s catchphrase. As of this writing, the new ad has earned a thousand more punches of the Dislike than of the Like button.
When you see it, it’s no surprise that the latest Euro Cup ad is disliked. I mean, you have to look at this shit. I know we’re so numb to the ever-escalating emanations of radical chic from our largest corporations, but sometimes it’s worth pausing just to take stock and gawk.
…
But today we are in the land of new football, where we take dictatorial direction from less-than-athletic minors. After her announcement, we are treated to a montage of different people who offer tolerance bromides.
“There are no borders here!”
“Here, you can be whoever you want. Be with whoever you want.”
(Two men kiss following that line, because subtlety isn’t part of this new world order.)
Then, a woman who appears to be breastfeeding under a soccer shirt, threatens, in French, “And if you disagree …”
And this is when the little boy gives us Cantona’s “au revoir” line before kicking a ball out of a soccer stadium, presumably because that’s what happens to the ignorant soccer hooligan. He gets kicked out for raging against gay men kissing or French ladies breastfeeding or somesuch. Later, a referee wearing a hijab instructs us, “Leave the hate,” before narrator girl explains, “You might as well join us because no one can stop us.”
Is that last line supposed to be … inspiring? That’s what a movie villain says, like if Bane took the form of Stan Marsh’s sister. Speaking of which, was this ad actually written by the creators of South Park as an elaborate prank? It’s certainly more convincing as an aggressive parody of liberals than as a sales pitch. Why, in anything other than a comedic setup, is a woman breastfeeding in a big-budget Euro Cup ad?
It’s tempting to fall into the pro-vanguardism template the boomers have handed down to us and sheepishly say, “I must be getting old, because this seems weird to me,” but let’s get real. You dislike this ad because it sucks. You are having a natural, human response to shitty art. This a hollow sermon from a priest whose sins were in the papers. Nobody is impressed by what Nike’s doing here. Nobody thinks Nike, a multinational famous for its sweatshops, is ushering us into an enlightened utopia. Sure, most media types are afraid to criticize the ad publicly. You might inspire suspicion that what you’re secretly against is men kissing and women breastfeeding, but nobody actually likes the stupid ad. No college kid would show it to a new friend he’s trying to impress, and it’s hard to envision a massive cohort of Gen Z women giving a shit about this ad either.
Now juxtapose that ad not just against the classics of the 1990s but also the 2000s products that preceded the Great Awokening. Compare it to another Nike Euro Cup advertisement, Guy Ritchie’s “Take It to the Next Level.”
…
Here’s the problem, insofar as problems are pretended into existence by our media class: The ad is very, very male. Really, what we are watching here is a boyhood fantasy. Our protagonist gets called up to the big show, and next thing you know he’s cavorting with multiple ladies, and autographing titties to the chagrin of his date. He can be seen buying a luxury sports car and arriving at his childhood home in it as his father beams with pride. Training sessions show him either puking from exhaustion or playing grab-ass with his fellow soccer bros. This is jock life, distilled. Art works when it’s true and it’s true that this is a vivid depiction of a common fantasy realized.
Nike’s highly successful “Write the Future” ad (16,000 Likes, 257 Dislikes) works along similar themes.
…
The recent Olympic ads were especially heavy on cringe radical chic, and might have stood out less in this respect if the athletes themselves mirrored that tone on the big stage. Not so much in these Olympics. It seems as though Nike made the commercials in preparation for an explosion of telegenic activism, only to see American athletes mostly, quietly accept their medals, chomp down on the gold, and praise God or country. Perhaps you could consider Simone Biles bowing out of events due to mental health as a form of activism, but overall, the athletes basically behaved in the manner they would have back in 1996.
But Nike forged onwards anyway. This ad in celebration of the U.S. women’s basketball team made some waves, getting ripped in conservative media as the latest offense by woke capital.
…
“Today I have a presentation on dynasties,” a pink-haired teenage girl tells us. “But I refuse to talk about the ancient history and drama. That’s just the patriarchy. Instead, I’m going to talk about a dynasty that I actually look up to. An all-women dynasty. Women of color. Gay women. Women who fight for social justice. Women with a jump shot. A dynasty that makes your favorite men’s basketball, football, and baseball teams look like amateurs.”
When she says, “That’s just the patriarchy,” the camera pans to a bust of (I think) Julius Caesar. At another point, the girl says, “A dynasty that makes Alexander the Great look like Alexander the Okay.” Fuck you, Classical Antiquity. Fuck you, fans of teams. You’re all just the patriarchy. Or something.
Nike could easily sell the successful American women’s basketball team without denigrating other teams, genders and ancient Mediterranean empires that have nothing to do with this. Could but won’t. The company now conveys an almost visceral need for women to triumph over men because … well, nobody really explains why, even if it has something to do with Undecided Whaling. In Nike’s tentpole Olympics ad titled “Best Day Ever,” the narrator fantasizes about the future, declaring, “The WNBA will surpass the NBA in popularity!”
…
There are theories on the emergence of woke capital, with many having observed that, following Occupy Wall Street, media institutions ramped up on census category grievance. The thinking goes that, in response to the threat of a real economic revolution, the power players in our society pushed identity politics to undermine group solidarity. Well, that was a fiendishly brilliant plan, if anyone actually hatched it.
I’m not so convinced, though, as I’m more inclined to believe that a lot of history happens by happenstance. If we’re to specifically analyze the Nike Awokening, there is a recent top-down element of a mandate for Undecided Whaling, but that mandate was preceded by a socially conscious middle class campaign within the company.
This isn’t unique to Nike, either. Given my past life covering the team that tech moguls root for, I’ve run into such people. They aren’t, by and large, ideological. Very few are messianically devoted to seeing the world through the intersectionality lens. They are, however, terrified of their employees who feel this way. The mid-tier labor force, this cohort who actually internalized their university teachings, are full of fervor and willing to risk burned bridges in favor of causes they deem righteous. The big bosses just don’t want a headline-making walkout on their hands, so they placate and mollify, eventually bending the company’s voice into language of righteousness.
…
All the guilt and atonement transference make for bad art. And so the ads suck. There’s no Machiavellian conspiracy behind the production. It’s just a combination of desperately wanting female market share and desperately wanting to move on from the publicized sins of a masculine past. So, to message its ambitions, the exhausted corporation leans on the employees with the loudest answers.
There’s a lot of interplay between Nike and Wieden+Kennedy when the former asks the latter for a type of ad, but the through line from both sides is a lot of cooks in the kitchen. Based on conversations with people who’ve worked in both environments, there’s a dearth of personnel who are deeply connected to sports. In place of a grounding in a subculture, you’re getting ideas from folks who went to nice colleges and trendy ad schools, the type of people who throw words like “patriarchy” at the screen to celebrate a gold medal victory. The older leaders, uneasy in their station and thus obsessed with looking cutting edge, lean on the younger types because the youth are confident. Unfortunately, that confidence is rooted in an ability to regurgitate liturgy, rather than generative genius. They’ve a mandate to replace a marred past, which they leap at, but they’re incapable of inventing a better future.
…
Ironically, Nike mattered a lot more in the days when its position was less dominant. Back when it had to really fight for market share, it made bold, genre-altering art. The ads were synonymous with masculine victory, plus they were cheekily irreverent. And so the dudes loved them. Today, Nike is something else. It LARPs as a grandiose feminist nonprofit as it floats aimlessly on the vessel Michael Jordan built long ago. Like Jordan himself, Nike is rich forever off what it can replicate never. Unlike Jordan, it now wishes to be known for anything but its triumphs. Nike once told a story and that story resonated with its audience. Now it’s decided that its audience is the problem. It wouldn’t shock you to learn that Carlos hated the new Nike ads I texted to him. His exact words were, “I don’t want fucking activism from a sweatshop monopoly.” He’ll still buy the gear, though, just not the narrative. Nike remains, but the story about itself has run out. Au revoir.
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LoL Chapter 6- Of Guilds and Gems
Master Post
A Wizard Hermits tale (AU belongs to @theguardiansofredland )
Rejected and told to disband, the hermits can only lament their losses and try to figure out where to go from here. Luckily, a message gives them all they need to know.
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The hermits sit at the canal’s wall, feet dangling over the slow moving water. Watching letters sail by, flags flutter in the wind, and waterfalls fill the ever-moving marsh. Most of the hermits can’t manage to touch their ice cream, their stomach sick just thinking about what happened. For once, Grian’s foolproof pick-me-up isn’t working.
But ice cream always works. It’s how he got to know Mumbo, after saving him from a violent robbery. He remembers Mumbo’s alarmed expression as he simply wiped away the blood and asked what his favorite flavor was. When Etho failed his S-Class trials, it was ice cream that brought back a smile on the shadow ninja’s face. Grian was sure ice cream would ease the painful rejection they just received.
The frozen treats are all melted by the time someone speaks up. Everyone expected to hear Xisuma, wise counseling from their substitute guildmaster, or an angry tirade from Doc. But it’s Zedaph who’s voice rises up. “I didn’t like his office. It had...a bad feeling in there. The feeling of death.”
“Probably because of all his taxidermy animals, bro.” Iskall sighs, flopping onto his back and staring at the sky. Watching the white clouds move across the blue sky with one crystal eye. “Trust me, that was weird for everyone.”
“No, beyond that. It wasn’t just the heads. It felt like everything in there was… was screaming. I don’t know, my shepherd magic just told me that all those souls were in agony or something.” Zedaph bites his lip. His magic was always so hard to describe. It was more than just a feeling. It was nauseating, overwhelming.
“Maybe it was just the sound of all our souls being betrayed at once.” Jevin grumbles, playing with a ball of slime in his hand, movement lackluster and slow.
“He had our crest.” Impulse’s voice is gruff, husky and low. Twenty something heads turn to face the member of team ZIT, but he doesn’t look up from the water. His fists clench, leather of his fingerless gloves rippling. “He had the crest of a murdered guild hung up on his wall like some trophy.”
“Maybe it was in memory?” Stress whispers. “Or he had a friend who died in the massacre? As rude as that whole burning contract thing was, I don’t think he’s anything more than a jackass.” A ripple of agreement washes across the other hermits. Tango looks at his friends, and does his best to console them. They’re all thinking about their old guild, the only three survivors left to remember them. The only legal guild that wanted a shepherd mage and his talking animal abilities, a wizard that can summon hell magic and has fire for hair, and a sorcerer who only deals with destruction.
Keralis’s eyes follow two wizards, walking by in dark grey robes, blue tassled belts denoting their position within a legal guild. Uniforms of notoriety, of power and presence. Respect, easily won as they just walk down the streets of Milliara. “Maybe we can ask one of the Council guilds to help. Surely if they hear what we saw, they will want to help the people of Lairyon, no?”
“Those pompous bastards?” Iskall snorts, leaning back to rest on his elbows. “They only care about their seat on the council and being the richest guild in Lairyon. If Gildara doesn’t pay up, they won’t do a damned thing.” The Council seats are filled by the six strongest guilds, and the elected magistrate. Unlike Dolios, they aren’t chosen. The guildmasters take up the seat, and they are picked solely based on their guild’s bylaws. Many are nobles, gaining even more power in law as well as class. The guilds are elite, licensed and powerful enough to sway not just the populace but the government as well.
Keralis whimpers, watching the two guildmembers walk by. They must be strong, well trained to be a member of a Council guild. And all that is being wasted, put on display by their guilds and waltzing around Milliara. When the entire nation needs them.
“What about King Sor?” Stress breathes. “He has some say in the ruling of Lairyon. These are his people.”
“No one has heard anything from the king in years. Apart from his festival appearances and other civil duties, he just passes any law that appears on his throne.” Mumbo remembers the last time he saw King Sor. Just a few days before he attempted the exam for the Stoneforge guild- the last guild that would even think to take him. It was a joyous day of celebration, a festival of art and creativity- something he remembers King Sor used to love when he was but a prince.
But when the king appeared at his promenade, there was a hint of fear in his eyes the entire time he spoke. As soon as he was done, he scrambled back to his royal advisor and let Magistrate Dolios return to his part of the speeches. There was no one in the government they could ask, no one they could think to turn to.
Etho nudges Xisuma on the shoulder. “There’s one person we could ask. What about your-”
“No, absolutely not.” Xisuma stands, brushing off the dirt from his robes. “Come on gang, let’s get back to our home.” He glances over his shoulder, the hermits following his gaze to an arcane guard, just a few meters away and easily visible as the crowd breaks around him, like water splitting at a boulder in the stream.. “We need to get to work packing up.”
Mumbo’s lip trembles. No, this can’t be happening. He finally has a guild, a place he feels he belongs. His magic may be weak, uncontrollable at best, but they don’t care. They just like having him around. Years of being denied entry into guild after guild, abandoned by his family as a failure, and turning to an illegal guild. And finding more than he ever had in the gilded halls of noble high life. All gone, taken from him again. But then he notices Xisuma wink from within the mask, as well as Grian’s sly grin on his face, and he realizes his mistake.
“Whoa, what the hell?” A cacophony ripples down the street, people ducking out of the way and chagrining at the flying flame that banks and bows under the many flags and pennants. “Who is stupid enough to use a phoenix for a mail carrier?”
Grian gasps, bouncing into the sky with his wings unfolding. “Phoebe!”
“Still needs a better name.” Doc grumbles, watching as the firebird lands on Grian’s arm. Feathers like tongues of flame ruffle, brushing up against Grian as she nuzzles against the wizard. His cheeks turn pink, but don’t burn. Her chirps are the sound of wood breaking and embers sizzling, but each hermit welcomes the sight of their unusual mail carrier.
“I bet it’s TFC. He’s probably asking how things went.” Grian grimaces, letting Xisuma open the scroll strapped in an enchanted carrier.
“Nope, actually. Wels is back,” A loud cheer follows the announcement. He’d been gone for months, on a solo mission in Alphasgard. The guild was starting to worry when he wasn’t responding to their correspondences. X peers at the letter, ignoring Grian as he digs into Xisuma’s backpack. Searching for charcoal to treat Phoebe. “He’s writing to… he wants us to come home as soon as possible.”
Xisuma sighs, feeling the pressure of the entire guild peeking over his shoulder and clambering over him to see what the letter says. Impatient buggers, the lot of them. He tosses the paper for them all to see. Elegant handwriting, sharp as a blade and shiny as armor, pens out the message to them all-
To my fellow hermits,
Please come home IMMEDIATELY. TFC is scaring me- he’s not acting right. He spends all day pestering with one tiny crystal, he’s been acting irritated and irrational. Just yesterday he yelled at me for bringing him baklava. He loves my baklava!
What is going on? Is there something I missed?
-Wels, Paladin Wizard, sworn Knight of Lairyon
“Does he always have to sign it like it’s an official document?” Cub shrugs.
“What does he mean, TFC isn’t acting right?” Mumbo bites his lip, brows knitting together. TFC never yells at anyone, he’s more of a father to Mumbo than his own ever was.
“We missed Wels’s baklava!” Zedaph whines. The day just keeps getting worse and worse.
“If it’s something that has Wels so worried, we should get back as soon as possible. Either way, there’s nothing for us here.” Xisuma rolls up the parchment, and the entire guild continues with a heightened pace to the western gate- the gate of determination. Set on getting back to the sea as fast as possible.
#hermitcraft#light of lairyon#lol#hermitblr#hermitcraft au#hermitcraft fanfic#wizard grian#wizard mumbo#wizard xisuma#wizard wels#wizard keralis#wizard iskall#grianmc#mumbo jumbo#xisuma#welsknight#keralis#iskall#wizard stress#stressmonster101
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Season 1 Episode 5: Wither Into the Truth [Part One]
Oop someone is screaming
Is Beatrix being tortued???
That's a child oh my god Dowling that is a CHILD you CAN'T TORTURE A CHILD
Silva side eying her like "uhhhh... Fara... that- that's a child" he is NOT down with torture. I acc love how he's been written
"It's painless" SHE'S SCREAMING. I'm with Sword Dad, Fara you need to STOP
I do actually love Fara's character though she's so interesting
I also ADORE Beatrix
Sword Dad looked so conflicted lmao
Ew it's Dane
Do NOT trust Dane. I have no real basis for this I just... don't like him
Who would win? Bloom and Sky or one Fake Crispy Lad
Why is Bloom cauterising a wound the size of a paper cut?? Bro that'd hurt MORE and also... leave a scar??
So they actively pair up a Specialist and a fairy, right? And they're talking about it like a permanent pair because they need to learn to trust each other. So why the fuck is Sky, top of his SECOND YEAR CLASS, with the first year changeling that can't control her magic?? Even IF it's so he can keep tabs on her, as per Silva's orders, why is no one questioning that??? Why isn't BLOOM questioning that????? Ravenclaw my ass this bitch is a full blooded Gryffindor
What was with that look Aisha gave her?? Full blown yikes vibes
WHAT is FakeMusa wearing
So you're telling me that FakeMusa is the ONLY empath available for Dowling to use?? Awfully conveniant and unexplained plot point but tbh, not even close to the worst written thing here
Is Riven being nice???
WHY IS DANE BEING MORE OF A DICK THAN RIVEN
Don't you fucking DARE pair up Terra and Riven
Since when were Dane and Beatrix a thing???
"He's still got a hard-on for her. Like a weird, gay hard-on" I don't... I don't even have the WORDS to describe the fucking biphobia in this show
At least Sky's pointing out the OBVIOUS pairing of him and Bloom. Also Silva "no one's questioned it" I FUCKING HAVE
Sky looks like such a puppy he feels so bad oh no
Sad Sword Dad flashbacks??
Oh shit this is gonna be Sky's dad's death isn't it
Oh so Sky's dad was a DICK and Silva has always been his real dad
...after having typed that, and having seen the way this show handles non biological relationships, imma say Silva is Sky's bio-dad
Dead Crispy Boy
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SPIT ON IT
Right so Sky's dad was, in fact, a Grade A Douche
Wayo wassup Roz
Oh she's ALSO a bit of a dick
Bro don't blame the kids you're the one who eased off their training
Burned Ones are clearly people like come on...
Imma say the Burned Ones were a failed experiment for the Solarian Army (and that perhaps Bloom's town was the source which is why it had to be destroyed)
The Solarians have DIPPED
Why does Terra care you ALL CLEARLY HATED STELLA
Also imagine the lack of creativity to have the magical realms use earth's social media
Why does Terra WANT to be insulted??? WHY WOULD SHE MISS HER BULLY THAT'S NOT HOW PEOPLE WORK
A Slytherclaw would be a better liar but go off I guess
"I mean, I get it; who wants to deal with nuance?" Not the bloody writer that's for sure
Whom the fuck raised Beatrix??? Is there a weird, Rosalind-adoring cult out there because, if so, I feel that's a little bit BLOODY IMPORTANT
Love that you're giving the fire fairy a book to charge with her magic
Also why are the only guards of the powerful murderess two children?? Two first year children, no less
"Ancient Geometry" ah yes, the secret and evil artifact, containing the arcane knowledge of... *checks notes* old shapes
Can Musa and Pebble PLEASE have a conversation
Also if y'all wanna hook up... maybe go back to Pebble's room and not the one Musa shares with Terra, his literal sister??
Musa backstory???
Oh my god they're ACTUALLY having a conversation
Nope never mind they're back to fucking
...in Stella's room lmao
DON'T LIKE THAT THE PLANT IS MOVING ON ITS OWN
Lmao I love that Stella's just vibing and breaking Terra's plants
Also glad we're getting some Stella and Musa content because they've like, literally never spoken
Sorry are we saying she was only actually gone for like three days and has just been vibing invisibly for the rest of the week because that's OBJECTIVELY hilarious (but also, again, shit writing)
Ah the artifact was IN the book this makes a lot more sense than Bloom imbuing ancient geometry with her fire magic
Also why IS the Stone Circle important?? They keep specifying it is but not why
I'm with Bloom she is PERFECTLY within her rights to be pissed at Sky
Sky I understand why you did what you did but you must understand that her trusting you right now is UNLIKELY
Oh nvm she's just telling him anyway. We love this ~realistic writing~
Ah see the troops looking for Stella makes a lot more sense
Queen LED is right - you have half-trained children to defend you! That is JUST the same as soldiers
Are we getting the actual Ricky story?
I feel really bad for Stella but also it's been an in-universe week and her character has done a full 180. This is NOT the same girl who would send Bloom out with the ring or teach Bloom with the exact same methods that made her lose control what the fuck
There has literally been 0 progression come ON
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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 15
Love Wins!
Welcome to an insanely chaotic episode of Fantasy High--even by the very high standards of this show. How chaotic you may ask? Well, the first thing that happens is that Bill Seacaster point blank shoots Gilear to death for being in a relationship with Hilariel. Full dead. He is full dead. Strangely, his plan to bring him back as a janky devil does not do much to comfort Fig. Imagine that.
Bill’s pirates are looting the Bottomless Pit (Gorthalax’s domain in Hell) and Vraz orders Fig to make them stop. When she instead orders Vraz to eat her ass, Vraz nullifies all warlock deals Gorthalax made and brings none other than Johnny Spells (and his greaser pals) to join the fight!
Really, this fight is insane and it’s better served by a highlight real than a play by play so I’m just gonna give you some bullets:
All the PCs rolled super low initiative this fight which really kinda screwed them. Like Fabian was down to 16 HP one point and it was like, “Lol, this is the end of round 1.” YIKES.
A big part of this fight was just surviving long enough to get to the second level of hell and rescue Riz’s dad which I think was probably good for morale because the thought of this fight dragging on for more than a couple of rounds exhausts me.
Fabian rolls off against Johnny right off the bat for the Hangman’s loyalty and Fabian wins with a 25 (and by coming out the gate with the word ENSLAVED which isn’t the word *I* would have used but a 25 is a 25 I guess).
He also has to contend with fighting Allistair who has a massive hole in his head filled with fire from Wicklaw eating his brain. It seems like Chungledown Bim is in hell too based on how Allistair keeps saying he’s gonna get him so he can shit in Fabian’s mouth. Of course, Fabian gets the better of him, but not before he deals out a fair bit of damage.
Adaine uses an Arcane Hand plus her portent roll to just whole-ass throw Johnny off the ship. Like, he gets back up but it’s so funny to instead of fighting an enemy to just throw him off a set piece (see eg: Bloodkeep ep2).
Kristen Revivifies Gilear and Bill, the mercurial sunuvabitch is like, “We love the same woman! I just want her happy!” and gives him a gun. Kristen immediately is like, “Bro, you need to hide,” and Gorgug protects him while he does so (in a sarcophagus that has a 50/50 shot of being launched as ammo).
Penelope shows up to the fight, eyes all black, wearing a shredded prom dress, and with shards of silver embedded in her forehead like a crown. Dayne and Daybreak also join the fight as messed up Harvestmen! It’s a veritable Smash Bros lineup of people the Bad Kids have killed!
Adaine and Fabian are christened the “Posh Squad” which is important to me, not to the fight.
Adaine gets to counterspell a counterspell from Penelope, one of the sexiest things you can do in D&D.
Fabian declares toxic masculinity dead. Shortly afterward, he makes Brennan eat a die when Daybreak tries to Frighten Fabian, a condition he is immune to due to his eyepatch I gather based on the table reaction.
Daybreak’s punishment in hell is a complete lack of self-awareness of why he’s there. He still thinks he should be sipping Mai-Tai’s in corn heaven with Helio while Kristen and Ragh are attacking him with gay spit (their words, not mine). Gay spit and, also, a ton of radiant and thunder damage.
Ragh gets some emotional catharsis by getting to body Dayne before Gorgug decapitates him. Very important step in the stages of grief. Decapitating the source of said grief.
Penelope gets Sparta-kicked off the edge of the boat by Fabian after Ayda dispels her protective globe and Riz shoots Daybreak again for old times sake. Unfortunately, Penelope Misty Steps back up and Daybreak is hurt but not killed. Ayda does a cool Dr. Strange teleportation thing and does a bunch of damage to both of them. Fabian finishes off Penelope with a sheet/sword combo and between Booming Blade and a Psionic Blast (does she have this ability as a Bard or as a Warlock? Relatedly, when she felt something leave her was that her Warlock deal being nullified or was she feeling the deals leave her since she is sort of the temporary Gorthalax?) Fig destroys Daybreak. Johnny just falls off the ship with no PC intervention because he sucks.
Bill also falls off the ship but Fig (with an assist from Gorgug) saves him and steals a scroll from Vraz on the way back up. By the by, earlier in the fight, she also had Baby Invisbly steal a random item from her.
Anyway, as they reach the end of the end of the fight, Bill loads Riz into a canon (!) and shoots him into the city, hopefully towards his dad (to the distress of his party). He crashes through the window in a familiar looking building and, when he finds a hallway that he’s pretty sure leads to his dad, he goes towards it.
He sees a familiar light coming out of a doorway (the interrogation room light) and a doorway next to it that is slightly open with steel thrones in it. There’s a two-way mirror between the two rooms and if he goes into the open one, he can see who is in with his dad. After checking for illusions and finding none, he stealthily walks in and sees, in the other room, his dad with a hulking pit fiend (30 ft tall, winged, almost dragon-y devil).
The pit fiend is questioning Pok about any regrets he had in life and Pok answers very uncharacteristically from the man we saw in the video saying he had nothing but high hopes for baby Riz. He says he had no regrets, his job was just a job, and that he only had a kid because Sklonda wanted one before going into a snarling goblin rage. The pit fiend smiles at that and says that Pok has promise so they won’t create a lemure out of him (a lemure is a weak, blobby devil). Two devils in the room with them whip him unconscious and then leave the room to go send more people to deal with Bill.
Riz Misty Steps into the room and does a self-imposed Wisdom check to steady himself after what he just heard--Nat 20 baby. Then, he opens his Briefcase of Holding, ready to scoop his dad into it when, the two lesser devils open the door and catch him in the act. But Riz persists in the scooping. They try to grapple him and he rolls a Nat 1 to avoid it. He *still* tries to get him dad. But then he notices, his gun is missing.
BLAM. The devils heads are blown clean off. He turns and he sees his dad has taken the gun--his gun originally--and shot the devils. Pok, who is amazed that Riz is there and no longer feigning apathy for the situation asks for an extraction into an earpiece, causing a halo to appear over his head and a beam of holy light to come down like a tractor beam.
“Wait,” says Riz. “You’re an undercover angel?”
“You got it, kid.”
Murph goes feral. The table goes feral. I go feral. What a way to end an episode!
And now for an all-Dad round of superlatives:
Detention
Bill Seacaster for KILLING GILEAR
I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain myself here.
Honor Roll
Pok Gukgak for Officially Joining the Fantasy Fathers of the Year Club
Here either.
I will, however, add a Hell Yeah!
Random Thoughts
If you haven’t seen it yet, the trailer for S5 of Dimension 20 just dropped and I won’t spoil it but, from the looks of it, it is gonna be a doozy.
“Do not metagame with my freaking Dad!” Oh to have the support of an NPC Emily Axford has decided to imprint upon.
Gorgug: It’s been one year. We’re sophomores.
“We support you as a DM and as your friend but also you’re our enemy.”
I think it’s very interesting that with just a little space and time from his dad, Fabian is finally having the proper reactions to his dad doing what I will charitably call shenanigans.
The level of distress and outrage from Emily when Gilear got shot was just *chef’s kiss*. I aspire to create an NPC that provokes that level of reaction from one of my players. Similar energy in a different direction from Ally when Daybreak attacked Tracker.
“Adaine, the jocks are being feisty! Get out of there!”
Vraz calls Fig “the Faithless” as her devil title and she insists on instead being called, “the InFaethable”. I wanna know how long Emily’s been sitting on that one or whether she came up with it on the spot.
Fabian upon seeing Johnny: Fuck off dude. I have too much going on right now.
Brennan being the eternal DM mood: How do I get out of this?
Very wild how little time has passed since Leviathan. Like, Fabian’s had this whole arc and grown so much but, like, OF COURSE Allistair still wants to murder him! It’s been like two days.
“I want to crumple up Gilear like a wrapper.”
A seven is a Murph 10.
The very specific way Brennan does foley for sword fighting (“Clang! Cling! Clang!”) is so funny to me.
Cannot overstate how much of a power move it was for Kristen to go, “I’ve been PRAYING FOR YOU,” at Daybreak and knock him on his ass.
I feel like I bring this up all the time but I love when Brennan is counting dice for a ton of damage and all the PCs are BSing reasons that it’s not a big deal like, “He’s just getting D4s,” or “Well I should get advantage for the reason just made up,” with everyone else fully playing along. ”
Allistair Ash, man. He is fascinating to me. I am so curious about what Brennan had planned for him originally because I feel like we barely scratched the surface before things took a TURN. He had two little moments in this ep that made my heart break for him a little: (1) When he says to Fabian, “If I die, I just come back a little bit worse but, if you die, you’re stuck down here with me.” and (2) when Fabian kills him and Bill grabs his soul and is like, “You know it’s gonna cost you X gold to revive you,” and he sighs and says, “Put it on my tab I suppose.” Like, I know he spent all ep trying to kill Fabian but I can’t help but be like, poor guy. He just has this pathos in his haplessness. I’m surprised Fabian didn’t make more of an effort to connect with him instead of being like, kind of like, “I will throw hands if I must.” Talking is a free action my dude. Anyway, I would love to see Brennan’s DM notes for this guy.
Lou was really doing some expert D&D with all the second winding and bonus actioning and burning spell slots for extra damage he was doing. He was like, “My initiative is trash so I have to do approximately a million damage per turn.”
Lol at Ayda asking if it’s weird to talk about sex stuff in front of friends in a group that involves both Kristen and Adaine.
Fig wishing she could do something cool in front of Ayda as if Ayda didn’t try to flood Hell on her behalf last week. My girl. You’ve already locked that down.
Not really an issue that’s we’ll run across during the run of FH but tieflings live 20-40 years longer than humans according to the official D&D lore. So lets say Fig lives to be 120 years old. And let’s say she sticks with her high school girlfriend and marries her. It’s possible they die at around the same time and then Ayda has to Deal With That in her next life but that’s not what I’m interested in. What happens if you’re a full elderly woman and your partner phoenixes into a child? What are the ethics of that? How do you deal with that? Chronomancy?
The horrified, “Love wins!” from Daybreak.
Is there a reason the viewing room Riz was in had thrones in it or is Hell just very about the ~aesthetic~
Every time a DM asks for a HP total, my entire being clenches in prep for a Power Word Kill.
“I’m gonna need a Dexter--”/”Counterspell.”
“You guys murdered me too but we hashed it out.”
I totally forgot that the Bad Kids lied that Ragh had shat his pants until the moment Adaine was saying it this episode. Freshman Year was WILD.
Also, just wanna take a second to talk about the elevation of Ragh from this side-note bully to a fully fledged, likeable character with depth and and an arc and gay spit. D&D is crazy.
Summoning Boggy via Bloody Mary is such a delightful image.
So, Kalina is the one that led Riz down the path that led to him finding out Pok is an Undercover Angel (!!!), which means one of three things: (1) She knew but miscalculated hard, (2) she didn’t know and made a different but also big miscalculation, (3) she did know and she’s doing some kind of 4-D chess thing we don’t know about yet.
Ayda hitting Fabian with a portent and then swooping in and saving Adaine. So clutch. What a good NPC to befriend.
Speaking of, I think we all kinda figured, but Brennan officially said on Twitter or the Discord (I don’t remember which) that Ayda is autistic. Like, I was pretty sure but I didn’t wanna assume.
Lol at the absolute lack of respect Kalvaxus got in this episode.
Pok as an Undercover Angel is SO GOOD. Like, I didn’t think he was really bad for a second but I never could have guessed he was an UNDERCOVER ANGEL. That’s such a dope combination of words. Undercover Angel (which my computer keeps trying to correct to undercover agent which isn’t wrong to be fair). Man. I love this. I love this for me and I love this for Riz. Riz deserves this. After so much crap in his life and so many mind games from Kalina and all this turmoil, he deserves to know that not only is his dad a good person who loved/loves him, he’s SO good that he’s an ANGEL and he was such a good spy in life he still is a secret agent in death. God, what a reveal. I can’t believe Riz got Spy Kids-ed TWICE by the same parent. Can’t wait to hear what exactly is going on with him.
Wait, what’s goblin heaven like? Which god is sanctioning this? Who is he working for exactly?
This episode, Kristen and Gorgug rolled 1 Nat 20 each, while Riz, Fabian, and Brennan each got 2. On the flipside, Adaine got 2 Nat 1’s, Fig and Fabian each rolled 1 that was cancelled, and Riz rolled 1 (in addition, Murph rolled two more which were lair actions and one of which was cancelled by a luck point so they don’t really count but it was very funny so I wanted to note it).
#fantasy high#fantasy high live#fantasy high spoilers#dimension 20#dimension 20 spoilers#wow a recap that isn't a million pages for once#turns out I can do it
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Dnd Circus Campaign session two recap:
spotty the rainbow dalmation blink dog from the circus follows theren (the circus runaway) home b/c the animal caretaker is dead and spotty only feels safe with theren. spotty has theren follow him back to seesaw the fortune teller’s tent where seesaw tenderly cups his face before giving him the fortune “what you seek is also seeking you. to find your answers, first find the anarchist and the living trophy”. he goes home with spotty and successfully lies to his gnome parents that this is not the same dog from the circus even though it looks pretty identical.
the next day:
theren spends the morning with his family and spotty. his mom and dad tell him theyre going to go to work soon building the new coal factory. he plays with spotty in the backyard after they leave.
the mayor is meeting with Thorne the ringmaster again later today before the next circus performance to discuss the future of the circus in humdrum heights. he has a meeting with coal benefactors after the circus and he wants tallulah the trophy wife to be there with him.
tallulah the trophy wife wakes up early and goes to starbucks where sinclar the anarchist works. a funny passive aggressive interaction b/w the two ensues. sinclair has a history of intentionally getting tallulah’s order wrong. tallulah brings in her own metal starbucks cup b/c sinclair kept intentionally giving her a size smaller than she asked for. tallulah briefly sarcastically thanks sinclair for literally leaving her hanging last night (when tallulah got caught in the ringmaster’s snare and was hanging upside down and sinclair didn’t help).
tallulah goes to get another fortune from seesaw even though seesaw told her she only gets one. seesaw tells her “remember:” and taps her nose four times and her right cheek once.
theren the circus runaway tentatively walks the outskirts of the circus grounds to investigate further (by this point he is silently certain this is the circus he grew up in). he finds a copper dragon in a circus carriage cage that wasnt apart of raffles the beast tamer’s act. it’s friendly and looks like it hasnt been let out for awhile. theren goes to the local bar and buys two steaks and gives that to the copper dragon.
the circus performs again. there is a crowd of kids wearing clown noses to this performance who sit in the front. theyve been wearing the clown noses all day. the performance is relatively the same. except for two differences: the blink dog doesn’t appear in raffles the beast tamer’s act. and la capony the king of clowns asks the mayor to join him in his act. the mayor was sitting with his wife tallulah and has been wearing a clown nose since earlier in the day when he met with thorne. he isn’t apprehensive about volunteering like he was last night and he joins la capony. la capony does some stuff and then makes the mayor disappear. the mayor does not reappear and the performance ends.
tallulah is immediately suspicious and worried and messages him. he responds “i don’t know where i am! tallulah, honey, i don’t know where i am!” tallulah searches all around for him but the player kept rolling comically low investigation rolls so she wasn’t able to find anything.
tallulah realizes she and her husband are late for the coal meeting and she calls the inept bro-y receptionist to try to tell him to tell them theyre going to be late and to call her if they leave.
finally, sinclair reluctantly tries to help but tallulah asks her why she’s here and sinclair says she’s here to help. sinclair helps investigate and she rolls well enough to lead them to the old train tunnel. she waits outside the tunnel and warns tallulah not to go in b/c people have died in there, it’s a dangerous tunnel. tallulah says she’s going to go in b/c her husband’s in there.
sinclair takes one step in and the stones curving along the entrance of the tunnel start to glow a firey orange with old magical runes. she steps backwards and doesnt go in. tallulah sees this and asks why that didn’t happen when she stepped in and sinclar says i don’t know why.
tallulah runs into the old train tunnel and finds la capony standing over the mayor who has been tied to the train tracks. la capony is yelling at him asking him what he did with his son’s body and accusing him of killing his son. the mayor is denying it all. tallulah saves him and convinces la capony the mayor had nothing to do with his son’s death (she knows this b/c she investigated the body last night). she says she thinks the ringmaster knows something. la capony leaves to go confront the ringmaster.
tallulah takes a picture inside the cave with her magical film camera to see if any magic is picked up.
sinclair confronts the mayor when he and tallulah exit the tunnel asking why he doesn’t seem to be looking into the death of la capony’s son. while briskly walking away from sinclair (and her keeping up) he says going public about a murder would scare everyone and wouldn’t look good for him as a mayor (as there hasn’t been a murder in this town for decades). sinclair doesn’t take that well and asks what he’s going to do about the murder. he says he’ll look into it but he has an important coal meeting to get to that he’s already late for. she says the murder is more important and he says this meeting has been penciled in for awhile now and the boy’s already dead isn’t he it can come later.
the mayor and tallulah miss the meeting and the coal benefactors have left. they say they’ll be waiting in town until they come across the mayor. the receptionist said “i told them ‘take it easy’ but they did not take it easy” (his whole thing is that he just says “take it easy” he’s a very bad receptionist).
tallulah develops the photo she took earlier and sees there are magical arcane train tracks going off the main normal train tracks in all kinds of wild directions. they look like they go into the walls of the tunnel.
before bed, the mayor tells tallulah he has some exciting news for tomorrow.
the next day:
the mayor, still wearing the clown nose, has a ceremony b/c it’s the day the town is meant to vote on what to change the town’s name to: coalton heights, coalgood heights, or a write-in. he says there will be no vote and the town will be renamed to thorne heights (after the ringmaster).
at this point, the players frantically looked back at all the graphics i made of the circus performers and noticed that all the performers are wearing clown noses except the ringmaster. tallulah tries to yank the clown nose off of her husband’s face, but his arm reflexively (like it’s moved of its own accord) grabs her wrist and she’s unable to take it off. she tries to cast charm person on him to see if he’s being controlled and learns he’s incapable of being charmed. she rolls a good enough insight that tells her for certain this means he’s incapable of being charmed because he is already being charmed. she sees all the kids in the crowd wearing clown noses and messages sinclair--the only person she can think to trust in this moment--that the clown noses are controlling everyone. and we ended the session there!
#J: text#DnD Circus Campaign Tag#sry this is a long one. things are starting to kick off so i had to include it all!#some other stuff happened too but these are the Main story beats
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Holy fuck, the Iowa Caucus
Okay so I want to break this down, mostly as a way to help myself make sense of it all. If this helps other folks understand the time line of events, all the better. My ‘sources’ are scattered and random, as I’ve been absorbing most of this stuff through osmosis and it’s super hard nailing down the ‘best’ link to something, given how fast all this is moving.
I will arbitrarily start my rant here.
BUTTIGIEG BLOCKS CRITICAL DES MOINES POLL
https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2020/02/iowa-poll-swiftly-spiked-after-buttigieg-campaign-issues-complaint
Shortly before the Iowa Caucus was to begin, the CNN/Des Moines poll was set to release. This is, apparently, a very important poll that a lot of the mainstream media (MSM) had already scheduled a lot of coverage for, as it would be a good indicator of the final state of things just before the election.
Then, Buttigieg campaign blocks its release. Why? Well, their campaign claimed that one of the pollsters may have not been giving out Buttigieg’s name while calling out. Not for any nefarious reason, just what is basically an IT issue. This alone isn’t really too bad. And, in a vacuum, not really worth too much fuss over. Like, I do think it’s a bit weird that CNN would let all that money/effort go to waste over a single campaigns minor complaint, but, still, whatever.
The fact that the poll ended up getting leaked and was very favorable to Bernie (and VERY unfavorable to Biden) is another small annoyance. It would have probably helped get a bit of positive / surprise coverage shortly before the caucus. But again, whatever.
https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/unreleased-final-iowa-poll-had-biden-in-fourth
Given what all ends up happening, it’s a just a prelude to some REAL hinky shit.
THAT FUCKING APP
So election day comes. I and many others are tuned into various outlets. We have the NYT and other vote trackers open, watching it all roll out. Looks like it’s going good for Bernie. Oh Boy!
Then, around 10PM, the numbers get pulled. We’re told that some app that was being used to communicate the votes was messing up. Numbers were going missing. They aren’t adding up. Tons of nonsense goes down.
The company that created the app is a company called Shadow (yes, really), which is part of a larger group called Acronym. It is staffed by ex Clinton staffers and other failures closely tied to the establishment, so the app being a POS should not be a surprise to anyone. Oh, and the company accepted over $42k from Buttigieg’s campaign.
https://www.truthorfiction.com/did-pete-buttigiegs-campaign-donate-42500-to-iowa-caucus-app-developer-shadow-inc/
It should be mentioned that this company and the people behind it will face no real repercussions. Yeah ‘Shadow’ might go under, but and they might have temporarily lost a few contracts with the DNC. But never underestimate how corrupt the democratic consultant class can be. They’ll be back to fuck some other shit up in no time.
Now, again, not trying to be conspiratorial here. Maybe the vapid bougie fucks behind this had no ill intent. Maybe their worst crime is being morons who did not test their software and accepted money unthinkingly. But at the very least, their history as agents positioned against one of the front runners, and acceptance of money from one of the others, is a clear conflict of interest and should not have been allowed to happen.
Moving on.
BERNIE RELEASES INTERNAL NUMBERS, BUT BUTTIGIEG VICTORIOUS?
Sander’s campaign releases their internal numbers, showing they are leading by a solid 5 points.
https://twitter.com/reaIKevin/status/1224685920504504321/photo/2
The above is the best we had that night.
Then, Buttigieg ended up reporting that he was ‘victorious’. This is obviously misleading at best, as he’d have no way of really knowing that. It was just blustering. An attempt to get ahead of the chaos and create The Narrative.
I won’t go into it right now, as this post is going to be long. But, in the end, the truth is not nearly as important as what people believe. If Pete can successfully insert the idea that he is winning, enough people won’t question it that you’ll gain some converts, regardless of it being untrue. Now, MSM would (surprisingly!) criticize him, a bit, but not nearly enough to make it a bad play, strategically. Pete is dangerous, because he’s the kind of guy that can identify an opening like this, see how it will play out, and shameless act on it.
When he got called out on it (again, surprisingly), he would later claim that he was being just being poetic / flowery, and didn’t mean to say that they had come in 1st and won, which is what victorious means. Pete’s lying, of course, because he is a liar who lies.
We’re getting head of ourselves. Let’s see what happens the next morning...
CONTROLLING THE NARRATIVE
The party decides that they need to do a LOT of ‘quality control’, and it’s just too much to release all at once. They need to do it small batches. And the initial 62% they decide to first release excludes all the area’s where Bernie is doing the best.
https://twitter.com/joules1971/status/1225057375540916226/photo/1
Hey look, Pete’s fucking winning now (if you exclude all the poorer, urban, or minority focused areas)! The numbers aren’t in yet, but it fits The Narrative, so who cares!
From then, past initial 62% release up to the 80-something-% yesterday, we at least have some data. We can look past the noise and see that Buttigieg’s claim to victory is NOT based on the popular vote. It turns out that, even with the releases being poised against him, Bernie is still leading in both the 1st and 2nd round of voting. The only thing he did not take is the SDE count, so they are end up tied for Delegates. What are SDE’s? They’re State Delegate Equivalents. I’m not going to claim to understand how it works, as it is extremely arcane, but an easier way to think about it is that Bernie won the popular vote, but Buttigieg won some Iowa-based electoral college. And even there, is only winning by a slim margin.
It is very important to stress that the delegates from Iowa BARELY MATTER. They’re not why Iowa is significant. The reason we care at all is winning Iowa means you get positive press, and a news cycle dedicated to you. Most voters do not pay much attention, and will generally vote for whoever they perceive to be winning. And who they perceive to be winning is generally based on what the media tells them.
If the goal was to hurt whoever truly won the Iowa election, you would do exactly this. You would you string along the release of info for as long as possible, so that either A) someone else gains the benefits of the election, based on misrepresenting, incomplete data OR B) folks stop paying attention.
Let’s stop and think. A bunch of stuff has happened already. Is it gross incompetence? Or is there nefarious intent? Both? Does the DNC even deserve the benefit of the doubt, after all the shit that they are on the record pulling in 2016?
Let’s assume incompetence for now, and see if it’s even still possible to think that later.
The point is, Bernie was getting his (OUR) media cycle stolen, and Buttigieg is now starting to gain in the polls.
UH OH, MATH IS HARD!
It starts coming out that the totals we were getting were incorrect.
https://twitter.com/Harvard4Bernie/status/1225189173998411778
Bernie votes (and a few from Warren even!) were going to other candidates. Black Hawk County managed to break into the news cycle, but they were far from alone.
https://twitter.com/MCulshawMaurer/status/1225198291140268033
https://twitter.com/crulge/status/1225185093091840002
https://twitter.com/Banalization/status/1225199174171451393
https://twitter.com/MikePrysner/status/1225229056519503872
Turns out TONS of counties were seeing major discrepancies. And, for some reason, all these errors and miscalculations were seeming to only break against Bernie. In some areas, all of Bernie's votes going to fucking Deval or Steyer, who otherwise had basically no support. The only reason we found out is because of local leaders that were smart enough to keep there own numbers, were paying close attention, and caught it. If they hadn’t, we would have never known. Now that’s what I call ~~~QUALITY CONTROL~~~~<3
I goes without saying that the DNC’s numbers at this point are EXTREMELY SUSPECT, and Bernie’s numbers are starting to look like they might be closer to the truth. However, even with this blatant idiocy / corruption (your pick), Bernie still has the popular vote.
TOM PEREZ NEEDS TO RESIGN
That brings us to earlier today, 02/06. 97% of the votes are in. Bernie is only down by 0.1 points in SDE’s, still will ahead in the popular vote, and we’re clearly going to win at this point.
https://twitter.com/micahuetricht/status/1225131303189852160
The remaining votes are coming from satellite locations, mostly minority groups. These groups were pulled in by the Bernie campaign and with their support we would surely pull in that last 0.2 percent needed to win in EVERY metric. There would be no way that the MSM or other campaigns could spin this. Bernie Won!
Then, Tom Perez puts his foot down, sees Bernie Winning all these unfortunate, unforeseen issues, and decides it’s high time to pull the plug and start the whole thing over from the beginning.
https://twitter.com/TomPerez/status/1225468833458245632
Tom Perez, in case you don’t remember, has been in control of the DNC since 2017 but was an opponent of Sanders during the 2016, including him offering plans on how to best shiv Bernie that were discovered in the Podesta leaks.
https://wikileaks.org/podesta-emails/emailid/4429
Notably, he helped engineer the narrative that Bernie could only connect with white liberals (ie the Bernie Bros myth), which has been something the Bernie campaign has been able to successfully push back on until it is now not only untrue, but the exact opposite of the truth. POC are the back bone of Bernie’s campaign!
https://twitter.com/CANCEL_SAM/status/1225566817889980418
ANYWAY, Tom Perez, sleazeball he is, decided to wait until just before we had crossed the finish line to pull this stunt. This is a pretty transparent attempt to delay the results (and the left’s victory!) as long as possible. It also achieves the goal keeping Pete out front and able to boost his polling going into the next states. Which is so far working for them, gaining 6-9 points just this week in NH.
https://www.realclearpolitics.com/epolls/latest_polls/democratic_nomination_polls/
I don’t think anyone would be opposed to a recount, but there can be no reason to not release the last 3% (which they already had: (https://twitter.com/JennUWinn84/status/1225474355028746241). It is overt, blatant corruption.
THE TAKE AWAY / WHAT DO WE DO?
- Don’t feel hopeless. That’s what they want.
- It is super important that we not only win, but we need to win in CRUSHING numbers. Because the DNC will pull every trick in the book to stop us, and we need to be ready.
- Paper. Fucking. Ballots. You’re not a Luddite for wanting this. It’s just the most practical, tamper-proof method. The app was a technocratic solution that was sold to the DNC, based on a problem they invented.
- More transparent oversight of our elections. We invade South American countries due to electoral malfeasance with weaker pretenses then what just happened.
- Capitalists will always break fascist when confronted with the possibility of marginally higher taxes. ALWAYS. For these reasons, If/When Bernie takes over the party, the DNC needs to be purged of EVERY LAST Reagan/Bush/Clinton era asset. We don’t need them, they are not our allies, they will actively try to sabotage us, and for all these reasons and more unity with them is impossible.
- Do not play into the ‘VOTE BLUE NO MATTER WHO’ game. It is not the time for that. We are in the primary, and Bernie is the front runner. The old arguments no longer apply, and no longer matter.
There are real fucking stakes here, and half/partial measures aren’t worth shit. It doesn’t matter if YOU think you’re being principled by showing up to cast a vote for Bloomburg over Trump. Anyone other then Bernie will suppress the vote, full stop. When people don’t vote, republicans win. You will not be successful in holding poor / underprivileged people hostage and trying to activate them politically if all your promising them is the status quo, or wonky means tested BS.
- We’re winning!...
https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/2020-primary-forecast/
... But pretend we’re losing! We can’t get complacent.
Ok that’s enough. I have idea if anyone will read all this as I have like... four...? Followers? Sorry for my rant, but it’s time to get politically engaged!
#democrats#2020 Election#bernie sanders#dnc#tom perez#pete buttigieg#elizabeth warren#joe biden#bloomburg#iowa caucus
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Hia! I always feel happy when I see one of your posts pop up on here c: why do you like Khadgar?
*Stares into space* OH GOD THIS IS gonna probably be a long post. HERE WE GO.So uh. I always really like Karazhan and the lore around it, hardcore fell in love with Medivh and pretty much ANYTHING in game that was connected I ate it up. I got the urn, the keys, all the rings, all the rep, you name it. I tried SO HARD to get Atiesh from the old Naxx but that didn’t happen. (I AM STILL SAD ABOUT THAT.) So that was -kind of- the start. In order for the next part to make sense, need to sidestep and backtrack a wee bit for context.Not to be all sob story, but I gotta be honest, I spent most of my childhood alone (either outside or in my room), reading, playing out epic stories with my toys, exploring the outdoors, and most of my social interactions with people I was either being bullied by kids at school or my mother. And y’know, despite all the stories I read or watched on t.v it was a loooong while before there were characters that made me go….”Holy SHIT I know what that’s like!?” Like there was a difference, to me, between characters like Michelangelo and Beetlejuice that I REALLY WANTED to hang out with, and then a character that made me go….”I know exactly how that character feels. What happened to them, happened to me.”Digimon was the show that broke that mold for me when not only were there two characters who had DIVORCED PARENTS!??? Like me, there was a girl who had a REALLY BAD and unhealthy relationship with her mother. (But she was still powered by love, which was awesome.)This kinda started getting me into other stuff because the more characters I found that I could relate to, the easier it was to explain how I felt to strangers and it made friend finding a little bit easier. FAST FORWARDING A LITTLE BIT.
So I certainly have a character -type- that I relate to the most. And it’s chaotic bookwork with anxiety. Fun fact: I am always dubbed “the twilight sparkle” of friend groups IRL because I was always, ALWAYS the one who was solving friendship problems and I did that looong before the show. OOPH. THE BIG PROBLEM. Was that it was getting to the point where all the chaotic bookworms were either: Evil, female (and I love gals, but that’s not my gender identity ORZ), or like. largely hated by the fandom and were always mocked.Or some combination.SO LIKE. Hey, I get introduced to Medivh and his TOWER OF BOOKS and all that shit and it’s like “Fuck yeah sign me up bro, living alone? Shitty mom? I feel you.” But then, y’know. He was a wee bit possessed and not. Exactly the good guy SO THERE WAS THAT.And then. There was Khadgar.I hadn’t been able to find the last guardian book yet, though I had read about the lore highlights online so I was familiar and stuff.And then WoD came out. And Khadgar! Was doing stuff! Which got me excited because it was more of the Lore that I really liked, and during MoP, I was hardcore going…”THE LEGION IS COMING BAAAACK. I JUST KNOW IT. CAUSE WE DIDN’T KILL KJ. SKREE.” I got called crazy and stupid a few times BUT HEY. Jokes on you fuckers I was *right*.Anyways!That first quest chain into Tannan rolls in. And it’s just. Khadgar. Being Khadgar. “Well, then I guess we owe you one.” scene hit every…“Oh fucking god bless Khadgar for the sarcastic sass”Because I really enjoy sarcasm and it’s more obvious in voice chat or in-person but my sass rhythm and tone, especially if I’m ranting is veeery similar to Khadgar’s sass.And then the PUNS. Listen. *Listen*. I hear an opportunity for a pun and I have to take it. I have to. If I try to hold it in my face starts smiling like the Cheshire cat and I sometimes let out a high pitched “eeeeeee” until given permission. After that quest chain, I quickly noticed that no one had rolled a Khadgar blog. No one! And well, I was all about having a blog where I could be free to make jokes all the time. IIRC, my first post was…”The party has arrived~!” Or something like that. I honestly didn’t expect much to happen cause I didn’t have any friends or anything like that and all the wow blogs all pretty much had their followings already and I was uh…a WEE BIT ALONE. But I was like “well even if this blog doesn’t go off I’ll at least have an outlet where I can just be me where no one will harass me.”Cause gotta be honest, I’ve never been well-liked. There was never a place for bookworms who liked puns and had anxiety in the world I lived in. If I acted like myself I was hated, and in order to fit in, I had to be someone else, which was a ditzy stupid, lazy girl. I wasn’t allowed to be trans, (still not back in Maine), or smart, and….yeah. But hey! On tumblr, I can RP a male character that had my same sense of humor and sass and BE MYSELF and NOT BE A GIRL and all my IRL haters wouldn’t be able to stop me.And then uh, A THING HAPPENED. I no longer have the original blog because of reasons I’ll mention later, so I CAN’T REMEMBER who first started sending me asks but I know @kiyastrasza was one of them (she passed away suddenly a few months ago and I miss her SO MUCH.) But then like, I DON’T KNOW. I know I got a few initial asks because “fuck yeah finally a khadgar blog” and honestly, I thought my blog was rubbish because it was 80% me just being my sassy nerd self and 20% studying his word usage for more serious things and getting my hands on every scrap of Khadgar related lore.”So I fully expected to get called out on being canon divergent or a shitty Khadgar or SOMETHING. Or have people ONCE AGAIN be like….”This character archetype is annoying and stupid and we all fucking hate him and hate you for rping him.”But that didn’t happen. In fact the EXACT OPPOSITE HAPPENED.My ask box kept getting filled with puns to be approved, rhyming his name with stuff became a thing and now even BLIZZ says “Dadgar” like jfc what even.And then like. I don’t even know, a lot of it is a blur because it all happened so fast but the BIGGEST THING.Was that for the first time ever, being myself wasn’t met with bullying and hate and people telling me to shut up and go away or anything like that.People -loved- Khadgar in-game. And people -loved- finding a Khadgar blog that “when I read their posts I can hear Khadgar’s voice”. And better yet? KHADGAR WASN’T A VILLAIN! (Don’t get me wrong, I loooove AU’s but imagine being a kid and you can only ever connect to villains and then people hate you anyways IT DOESN’T FEEL TOO GREAT).And uh. Yeah. I don’t really know where to go with this. But yeah! It was the first time where I felt like nothing was wrong with who I was. That there was nothing wrong with being book smart and having a sense of humor and looking death in the face and just eye-rolling and going “Well aiight.”I mean hell yeah there’s been an epic shit ton of drama with people being jealous and making shit up and who the hell even knows what any of that was about anymore, and there’s still plenty of bullshit in my life keeping me otherwise miserable and I’m getting really frustrated that every goal I try to accomplish gets utterly destroyed in some way and I’m currently an emotional husk and I 100% HAVE NOT been myself lately as I’m a mix of grieving and severely hurt and physically ill and I’ve been broken pretty damn hard and when I pull myself back together it’s probably going to be like. 11th Doctor just turning into cranky 12 and not being pleasant BUT. The muse is still strong, the muse is honestly probably the strongest thing about me. Not because I think that I’m actually, really Khadgar and that’s ME you’re talking to in game and Azeroth is real, etc, etc. But it’s strong because that type of muse was already something that was effortless for me and part of my personality foundation. And before the blog it was withering away and crumbling and I had no self-love to keep it going anymore and then the blog happened, and even though I still have 0 self-love, I genuinely hate myself, the love from others healed it, and my love for the character, I think, is my subconscious finding a weird loophole to get around the self-hate because I CAN’T HATE KHADGAR, and fucking hell whenever I make a pun irl and someone is a shithead about it or calls me annoying over voice chat, my brain is like. “Yeah, but if Khadgar were real. He’d laugh.” And eventually, it’s like….”OKAY FINE. IT WAS FUNNY. THAT PERSON IS JUST A SHITHEAD.” I can’t remember where I was going with that. Uhhhhhh……SOMETHING SOMETHING.I absolutely hate myself and feel as if I’m undeserving of love because I’m a horrible, broken person that makes stupid mistakes and is only good for hurting others and being a bitchB U TI hate myself a little bit less when I RP a character, like Khadgar, that lines up with one of my personality foundations, and the general response to it is people loving it and telling them I make them happy. I’ve still had more hate directed at me in the past (and sadly the present) than I have love. But uh. It doesn’t take much love to get me all sappy and crying and happy. (Hate is a tossup, a lot of hate I can take but certain, specific things will strike me hard and fast).SO LIKE. Uh. I know the majority of my foundation at the moment is either destroyed or heavily damaged, cause I’ve also been heckin angry a lot lately and I don’t know how to deal with that at all since it’s something new so a lot of my foundation wasn’t protected against that, and I’ve certainly died emotionally a few times more this year than my normal rate of it taking a couple years or more to emotionally die and regenerate. BUT THE PART that’s still holding fast and bouncing off all the negative self-destructive shit is because of Khadgar, and all 1,297 of you (give or take) that’ve either stuck with this blog since the beginning and through a blog deletion and change or have come recently. That send in everything from ARCANE MEAT to puns, to AU ideas to random nice things SO UH. This is turning into an awkward unexpected thank you, to all of you. dashjkIt’s more than likely that I will live the rest of my life absolutely hating myself, and it’s possible that the rest of my foundations may never heal or be repaired. Even though I can easily attach some of them to characters like Khadgar for the most part, I just….eh. I dunno. No outlet and it’s not prompted ever and…it hurts still cause they’re broken. Which, eh, whatever, healing can’t be forced or half-assed, cause you can’t expect a broken leg to heal as fast as a papercut, all you can do is wait and let things heal or you’ll make it worse, but then obviously you can’t heal EVERYTHING otherwise no one would ever be disabled, but REGARDLESS.I may always hate myself. But I’ll always love Khadgar. And YOU guys love Khadgar. And you enjoy me rping Khadgar. So then I guess MAAAAYBE.It helps. With making it worth. Sticking around for a little bit longer. :T
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Wah
Full disclosure: I played an entire 20-level Dungeons and Dragons campaign as a character based on Waluigi.
An entire campaign
like almost 2(?) years of my life
playing a joke character
I based on Waluigi.
Scratchy nasal voice and going waaa and everything.
I wore a goddamn Waluigi hat.
I’m torn on this, folks. On the one hand, I feel like I should’ve changed my character to a more original creation after a couple levels. Play as a joke character for a little while to get used to 5E, then switch over to one of my brainchildren.
On the other hand, I fucking love Waluigi. I’ve wanted a Waluigi game since the Nintendo 64 era. I despaired when Nintendo failed us again last year (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, SAKURAI).
Well, what’s done is done. My Level Ridiculous Moon Elf Rogue-Ranger is part of our old group’s canon timeline, becoming the kingpin of the Baldur’s Gate underworld.
Strange, the passing of time.
Without further ado, a Waluigi build! After I deleted like half my notes when I shouldn’t have. Not like it was an accident - it was a totally conscious decision I regretted a few days later when trying to figure out why the hell I picked the things I did.
TOO BAD, WALUIGI TIME.
Race
Outwardly, Waluigi’s clearly a half-elf, if I had to pick a Wizards-sanctioned D&D race. Noodle build, big pointy ears, somehow still grows facial hair.
In the campaign I mentioned, I made my boy a moon elf. And his mustache was magical because elves can’t grow facial hair. I never fully fleshed out the magic mustache’s origin.
Functionally, neither elf nor half-elf caters to the Waluigi experience. Half-elves get that major Charisma bump. Waluigi’s not a charismatic fella; doesn’t play nice with others, throws fits. You know the type. Plus the Fey Ancestry feature doesn’t quite match up.
My number one choice? Githyanki.
That little Intelligence increase: Between him and Wario, he’s supposed to be a bit more cunning, more the Snidely Whiplash type.
Strength Boost: Waluigi’s always statted as a heavyweight/high-power character.
Githyanki Psionics: So githyanki get these psionic-flavored spell-like abilities at levels 1, 3, and 5. Mage Hand’s a bit of a stretch. Idk, Waluigi always has an abnormally long reach in Mario Sportball. But githyanki get Jump and Misty Step at levels 3 and 5, respectively. In multiple games, Waluigi has Super Jump abilities, and in at least one of the Mario Strikers titles, he has the ability to kind of Nightcrawler-bamf while he’s running.
Note: I’m aware Gith are kinda… noseless. Maybe your Waluigi Gith wears a false one, or a plague doctor mask, I dunno. Like he’s self-conscious about not having a nose, or the nose and mustache is their shitty disguise and everyone just goes along with it.
Class
Again, I picked Rogue for my way-too-long tenure playing High Fantasy Waluigi.
Looking back, I don’t think that was a bad way to go. He’s highly skilled, has well-rounded stats with an emphasis on Defense and Control (equal to DEX in a D&D framework, I guess?), and a set of special moves focused on sabotaging other characters.
I considered Alchemist (the ENWorld template), because Waluigi and his stages and items and stuff usually have a bomb motif. But beyond the bombs, I don’t think the Alchemist’s abilities are as neat a fit.
Subclass
My version of a D&D Waluigi was an Arcane Trickster. After looking into some of his more obscure abilities, I think that was the best way to go! Unfortunately, I didn’t use my abilities to their full Waluigi-ness.
The Mario Bros. and Wario all need power-ups to give them an edge. (With a few notable exceptions, like in Superstar Saga where Mario and Luigi unlock the ability to wield fire and lightning, respectively.) Waluigi, on the other hand, demonstrates several innate magical abilities. To name a few: surrounding himself with whirlwinds, summoning walls of thorns, filling the arena with water, cloaking his projectiles with illusions, etc. These lend beautifully to an Arcane Trickster, with a suggested spell list below:
Cantrips
gust
mage hand
minor illusion
shape water
true strike
Level 1
catapult
feather fall
fog cloud
jump
magic missile
silent image
Level 2
darkvision
dust devil
gust of wind
levitate
magic weapon
misty step
warding wind
Level 3
fireball
major image
tidal wave
wall of water
Level 4
control water
dimension door
Evard’s black tentacles
Background
The Criminal background seems obvious, but mechanically, I think two other backgrounds fit better:
Gladiator (Entertainer variant) and Harborfolk (Elemental Evil).
Acrobatics because that boy can jump (I’d rather demonstrate with GIFs, but I am lazy) and he can like swim through the air for no reason; and he’s a big ol ham, so Performance.
Gladiator also grants you proficiency in an unusual weapon. In all his appearances, Waluigi doesn’t really use weapons, besides bombs and Bullet Bills and other explosives/ballistics. If your DM allows firearms in their world, that could be his “Unusual Weapon” proficiency. Otherwise, I was thinking if I had the chance to redo a Waluigi-inspired character, I would use bats; baseball bats, tennis rackets, cricket bats (I like the image of D&D Waluigi cracking skulls with a cricket bat, I dunno why), etc. You could probably just borrow stats for clubs.
For Harborfolk: Athletics and Sleight of Hand make sense to me, and because of his high Control in the Mario Kart series, I’d say any vehicle proficiency is a good fit.
Suggested Characteristics
Gladiator
Personality Trait: I get bitter if I’m not the center of attention.
Ideal: Greed. I'm only in it for the money and fame.
Bond: I want to be famous, whatever it takes.
Flaw: I have trouble keeping my true feelings hidden. My sharp tongue lands me in trouble.
Harborfolk
Personality Trait: I'm a fisher, but I secretly detest eating fish. I will do anything to avoid it.
Ideal: I will gain the favor of someone powerful.
Bond: [A gang/faction] killed my friend. I'll get them back somehow, someday.
Flaw: I oversell myself and make promises I can't keep when I want to impress someone.
Suggested Feats
Acrobat
Athlete
Defensive Duelist
Durable
Elemental Adept
Magic Initiate
Resilient
Sharpshooter
Skilled
Spell Sniper
Congrats! You survived my first post! Your reward?
MORE TRASH!!
Stay tuned for just a bit more Waluigi!
“Please no stop with the Waluigi. I will kill myself and then you if you say “Waluigi” one more goddamn time.”
I hear you. I’m not changing my behavior, but I hear your complaints. But let me explain:
For some characters, I’ll be following up the “Canon Builds” (the format of this here post) with a new subclass targeting these characters. I’ll usually make a “Character Class” if some vital part of the character and their abilities feels missing from the Canon Build, if I couldn’t find anything that fit.
For instance, I relied on a lot of stretches of the imagination for Waluigi, relying on stuff like his Mario Sportball stats and specials to select the closest analogous things in D&D. Using Arcane Trickster, I captured some of his weirder, more obscure abilities.
But remember the Snidely Whiplash thing I mentioned earlier? I feel like that’s Waluigi’s core: explosives and sabotage. And other classes known for using explosives – Artificer and Alchemist – I don’t think quite cut it.
So stay tuned for the Dastardly Prankster Roguish Archetype! Unless I come up with a better name! Until then, ta-ta!
#dnd homebrew#5e homebrew#DnD 5e#waluigi#rogue#githyanki#gladiator#arcane trickster#too bad waluigi time#critical shoal
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The Venture Bros. Quotes
Season 1
“When the sun sleeps... the wolves begin to howl.”
“Holy Toledo, he ripped on him!”
“Traitor! Dirty bastard traitor!”
“Let’s take this slow. This is my first time.”
“Oh yeah, the pain. It's not so bad. I hacked up some blood a couple of minutes ago and there was this pink chunk about the size of, uh... one of those little kiwifruit, but I don't feel anything missing, so I'm not too worried.”
“What’s got into you?”
“What the hell are you smiling at?”
“Holy dammit Christmas!”
“ It craves... purity... it devours... purity... it seems to be... What the hell is this thing made out of?”
“There are four puddings in the fridge. You may enjoy the contents of one of them. Dinner at six.”
“Violence isn't the answer. This is a think tank; we're the most powerful minds on the planet! Let's act like it!”
“I will remember these last few days with you as the happiest of my life.”
“Apparently this is the reward I get for years of screwing with super-science. In short, I pissed in God's eye, and he blinked.”
“I had to sleep in my clothes. Now I feel gross wearing them two days in a row!”
“Why haven't you tried the world domination thing? You scared of the big leagues?”
“With every fiber of my being I stab at thee, as long as blood flows through this heart I will hunt you down. I will be the stuff of your children's nightmares.”
“When the sun sleeps... the wolves begin to howl.”
“Oh my god, look at this place. It's like a museum of failure.”
“Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, we get waylaid by jackassery?”
“Consider this your final warning. You do not know the risk you are taking. For a whisper from my lips could open your mind to a world of arcane tortures!”
“Okay, this is getting nuts.”
“Have you seen my juice-box?”
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”
“Okay, then who haven't you slept with? I'm sure that's a shorter list.”
“Th-th-th-this is most unorthodox.”
“Who wants PIZZA ROLLS?”
“Get me my cloak!”
“Consider this your final warning. You do not know the risk you are taking. For a whisper from my lips could open your mind to a world of arcane tortures!”
“You've had your little adventure, now go the hell home.”
#rp meme#Role play meme#venture bros meme#sentence starters#ask meme#normally dont make specific memes but i love this show
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