hello yes i bought the tumblr blue check marks because i think its objectively the funniest thing this silly website could have done and i laughed about it for a solid five minute and with the week ive been having??? thats worth its weight in gold

and because this silly website, which I've been on since 2010, has brought me literal years worth of joy and comfort and hilarity, and i don't want it overrun with ads or bought out by some megalomaniac, and $7.99 (... okay, well, $11CAD) felt like a very small price to pay

also, im secretly hoping they turn into crabs

i came home, panicked about one thing, and my toilet was leaking. bathroom floor is covered in water and brown particles. oddly, this has not improved my mood

ok met a guy offering sperm from the internet

Pros: - he definitely had autism so we'd double up on that gene

Cons: - he had a restraining order out against him, yes he just casually mentioned this

I used to have terrible anxiety and it was worse in social media. Even liking posts or just commenting one word things were impossible for me.

And now I am sharing whatever I want some stupid posts my personal nonsense or even comment sometimes and interact with people etc.

It is very important for me because normal people things were so alien and so unreachable. And now I am doing it.

I thought I was hopeless and there were no future. Like there were good future possibilities which I wanted but find impossible and there were bad future which I was deadly afraid of. And never changing future where I did nothing and everything was same. But no right now I am living in future I didn't even thought about it there was a 4th way for things to go. And it opened many other possibilities soo there was not only 4th way but a 5th or 6th or infinite ways to go. And still future isn't hopeless and possibilities are limited it can be absolutely different and unexpected. I can't lose my hope.

Anyways just writing posts about my feelings here is something past me wanted but thought impossible so it's interesting for me. And I wanted make a post about that but it's became more detailed.

I Love you people who reading this even I don't know you and I mean it. I also started to love and value people more. And I care about things more in a way that matters. I care about random people I care about life and death I care about myself.

Life became more real and I can handle it more easily. Healing is terribly scarily super hard but it's better than what I was.

I never wanted to go back there is no back and I am more happy being emotionally unstable than being emotionless all the time.

I like making mistakes now it's better than doing nothing

End :)

Hey! I hope you don't mind the message - I just wanted to say, your tags made me cry. I'm so happy that our makin silly lil creatures over here could mean something to you all these years later. You absolutely can do what you want, and make a living at it, and more people need to hear that. Everyone in our lives told us we couldn't - we were just too stubborn to listen. I sincerely thank you, I'm going to look at these tags anytime I feel discouraged, and I hope we can make you a monster one day. <3

OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I didn't see this originally and finally checked my inbox and saw this.

Now I'm feeling teary eyed ... I genuinely think it was artists like you both, Melissa Curphy (@missmonstermel), and Allison Theus (@crispyfishsticks) who showed me at a young age you CAN make awesome monsters and be wonderfully successful and HAPPY doing so.

I'm not joking at all when I say I found your DeviantArt over 10 years ago and it stuck with me ever since. I've kept up with Homemade Horrors since then on multiple platforms. It was always a dream of mine to have a custom monster made by you both, and now that I have an actual career position (transgender healthcare, which still doesn't feel real! That this is happening and it's Real!!) I may be able to afford that someday. ❤️

For reference this is the post and tags and if you like the looks of this gorgeous creature you should DEFINITELY give them a follow!!!!! Homemade Horrors are AMAZING and everything Worms and Bones make together is always so full of love and creativity.

it's treat yo self day in the kat household

Urgh fuck it I did it

No ragrets

and ANOTHER THING. its so obvious when someone who claims to be a radical has never had any experience with poverty. they either 1) show very little understanding for class dynamics 2) are constantly looking for the correct group of poor people to hate (in the u.s. they mainly hate rural southerns or poor republicans) 3) talk about poor people like theyre all stupid or infants 4) never mention or really consider class. while saying they belong to ideologies based on class struggle. they just genuinely dont think about it.

Slightly long, ramble vent-ish post but also some negative observations of the wider self ship community that has been bothering me a little bit.

sometimes I don’t want to be in the self ship community anymore (not that I considered myself part of it from the beginning) because said the community creates these small pocket communities of the same people interacting with each other and that’s fair and totally fine!

It’s just that up to a certain point, these pocket communities start to create an isolating and alien environment for newcomers and this is not helped by the community’s genuinely bad communication skills. Like I genuinely wonder how many blogs have deactivated due to lack of interactivity (a whole can of worms no one likes talking about apparently. HI REBLOG:LIKE RATIO) and the overwhelmingly intimidating environment for younger folks (teens - early 20s) to navigate, especially people who may not be as critical or conscious of the media they consume (and don’t understand how they could be harming people through consuming specific pieces of fiction). I remember one person straight up left due to the lack of communication and it really, really sucks because just an open conversation can really ease peoples fears and worries. People just should not have to feel like walking on eggshells all the damn time in the community and if they feel that way then there is something SEVERELY WRONG with this community but no one cares to address it

Like I’ve already left a few self discord servers, and blocked some users, and now I just don’t see any point really being in the community anymore, because there’s been multiple occasions when I’ve interacted with a user and then it turns out that said user probably has some personal issues they need to sort out, but constantly deflect blame or disregard anyone’s advice to change their actions/attitudes for the better or that they really need to get actual professional help. Like obviously we should call out bad behaviour but also know that you should encourage these people to change saidd behaviours for the better.

Idk maybe I’m cursed on tumblr to interact with people who turn out to be not that great or I’m just too naive because I believe that people are inherently good. Maybe I’m a fool for wanting to see the good in people and wanting to support them, all at the cost of me ignoring all the red flags that are obviously in front of me. Which to be fair is probably reasonable; fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me for not knowing better I should have heeded the red flags when I saw them. /serious

so I stopped eating meat, dairy, and eggs nearly seven years ago after my grandma died of Alzheimer's disease. The consumption of those foods has been linked to a higher chance of developing Alzheimer's, due in part to high cholesterol. Now my grandpa on the other side of my family is dying from it as well, and when I went back to visit for the holidays, it broke my heart to see how frail and confused he was, and how bone-tired my mom was from being his primary caretaker and medical POA. She showed me all these Alzheimer prevention cookbooks she'd gotten recently, and was determined to make at least one recipe from them while I was visiting (it was delicious btw. stuffed acorn squash w/ farro and cranberries and other yummy things). My parents kept making a conscious effort to limit their processed sugar intake, too, even though it was, y'know, the holidays.

anyways it just made me sad to see their grief, but also I just love them so much for being so determined to do what they can to lessen the chance that my siblings and I will never have to lose them that way (the amyloid plaques that cause Alzheimer's can start forming in the brain like 20 years before diagnosis, so you gotta be proactive).

GOD anyway the reason I even logged on to post this is that I'm trying to cut back on my processed sugar intake since that's another thing that has been linked to increased likelihood of developing Alzheimer's. I eat a lot of whole plant foods, butttt I also have a fucking massive sweet tooth and definitely have been eating an excessive amount of pop-tarts, cookies, chocolate, candy, etc. So since I got back home after visiting my family for the holidays, I've made an effort to not buy those things and to eat, like, a piece of whole-wheat toast or unsweetened yogurt w/ honey or berries whenever I crave sugar.

And mostly it's working!! But ugh tonight I have like an overwhelming craving to just stuff my face with pop-tarts and oreos :((( don't get me wrong I don't think this is a moral failing on my part or whatever, I'm just so FRUSTRATED GODDD it feels like my brain won't let me stop thinking about sugary treats!!! I fucking hate being dependent on anything, that's why I don't regularly consume caffeine and why I take as few meds as possible (again not passing judgement on anyone else here, before anyone gets twitterbrained on me! this is me voicing my personal preferences on my blog!). So this feeling of "I NEED I NEED I NEED I WILL GO MAD IF I DON'T GET THIS RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW" is driving me up the wall lol. I do have an incredible amount of spite though so I've decided to frame it like Big Sugar is trying to pull a fast one on me, and I will not succumb to their tricks (imo it is a conscious marketing choice for them to include so much processed sugar and high fructose corn syrup in everything cuz they KNOW people are gonna get addicted to it and keep buying more of their product. it's insidious and no i'm not exaggerating).

little mars art that im happy about

Wow! Twitter fucking sucks! Anyways.

this was a comment on one of my post from a recent live event. it was photos of joyful queer buckaroos celebrating together and proving love is real through creation, community, and a trot of love. most important I AM LITERALLY IN PHOTO AS A REAL FLESH AND BLOOD HUMAN

it got me thinking about how DEEP AND VICIOUS the irony poisoning of these early internet communities goes. the way buds like this cannot fathom someone just being a sincere person unrelated to their OWN old days of cynical posting. it is fascinating, and i will admit, sad too

despite a DECADE of work, countless live events, 350 tinglers written well before large language models were a thing, there are still people who cannot imagine someone like me could exist. it is a strange place to be. not just part of me, but my entire EXISTENCE is often gatekept

it is easy to say ‘well chuck your art IS strange’ but honestly i think it is more than that. magical realism is common. there are stories about dinosaurs and bigfeet and unicorns. this scoundrel reaction is about two unspoken things: my art is neurodivergent, and my art is queer

heres the thing: I WILL BE FINE. what concerns me is not an issue of MYSELF, it is a concern for the other young outsider buckaroos who see comments like this one and think ‘is that what they will say if i express MY unique way? will i be dehumanized like this at every turn?'

i will be honest, i cannot say that WONT happen, but i CAN say this: for as deep as this irony poisoning goes, it is slowly dying. the way i was treated at the start of my career is LIGHTYEARS DIFFERENT from the way i am treated now. there is a massive shift towards sincerity

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY. to young artists trotting up, the things that i am harassed over and doubted for and made fun of for are NOT tangental to what has made me successful, THEY ARE LITERALLY THE SAME THINGS THAT HAVE MADE ME SUCCESSFUL. YES I AM STRANGE, WHAT OF IT?

the things that you tuck away for fear of a review that says ‘there is a PROBLEM with this art because it has always been done another way’ THOSE ARE YOUR SUPERPOWERS. the gatekeepers want you to tuck those parts of yourself away because THEY TUCKED AWAY THOSE PART OF THEMSELVES

never forget that your unique way is PURE UNFILTERED 100 PERCENT ROCKET FUEL. it will stick out (maybe, if you are lucky, scoundrels will even say that someone like you could never actually be real), but sticking out isnt so bad when you are waving the flag of love.

in fact, when youre waving the flag of love, sticking out is pretty dang cool. what are flags for, after all? LOVE IS REAL BUCKAROOS. thank you for reading, and if you enjoyed this long post then please consider preordering BURY YOUR GAYS.

LETS TROT

hii

Nice to see this place hasn't changed a bit since I was gone 🫠

it is totally okay to be hurt and tired and fed up with the american schooling system but i need you to understand that we need to be better about loudly and routinely defending public education.

yes, many teachers suck, many schools utterly suck. i also got bullied and was absolutely not given the right support for my needs. i am not defending public education because it was kind to me. i am defending it because it needs to exist.

right-wing republicans do not want an educated population. they want kids to be homeschooled or in private school. there is a huge religious undertone to this.

the most common argument is that despite high costs, the "result" is not "good" enough. they point to failing schools as proof that public education is just never going to work out. there will be arguments made here that you actually agree with: that teachers can be bullies, that we taught online for 2 years and still charged the same amount of tuition, that we have no recourse for students to actually have agency or a voice, and that schools are now unsafe for kids due to risk of illness and gun violence.

these are all placing the blame in a fraudulent way, one intended to get your parents to homeschool you. the less kids in a school, the less federally-awarded funding for that school, the less any school succeeds. they will not mention the fact it is their legislation that takes away important funding opportunities, that teachers are living at or below the poverty line, that buildings are not kept up to code, that administration is overpaid and forces specific curriculums, that corporations like (my personal enemy) Pearson Education control certain classroom goals because teachers can't afford other options. they pretend to be ignorant of the gun violence and say "oh just get a gun" - but these are the same people who will be sending their child to a private school with a bulletproof backpack. they don't care if your kid dies, though. they "don't believe" in covid, but they did get their kid vaccinated, because of course they did.

it is a closed loop. conservative parents hear the fearmongering and remove children from the system. frequently these parents are also deeply religious. the kids are raised without access to other media & learn to parrot their parents. you have now created a new generation of conservatives. additionally, one of the parents/caregivers must stay home and homeschool the children, usually for free. i will give you 1 guess which parent tends to stay home to homeschool the children. these parents are encouraged to have many, many children. those children are most likely not getting access to safe sex ed.

we might laugh at fox news suggesting teachers are forcing children to use kitty litter but: first of all, there is kitty litter in the classroom. it's part of an emergency kit in case children are locked in due to a shooter. so that's fucking dystopian, and the fact they've completely reimagined the scenario to somehow make the teachers look bad when it's instead a fucking huge symbol of our failure as a country to protect our children.... it feels a little intentional.

secondly: don't just dismiss the situation. because, yeah, obviously, no teacher is encouraging kids to be a catboy. but the actual undertone that fox news is trying to sew is an outright distrust of teachers and of public education. they rely on the dehumanization of trans people as a common touchstone to hide the fact they're pushing two agendas at once. (which is ironic. because the thing they accuse teachers of. is pushing. an agenda.)

whenever someone tells you they want you to read less, you should be suspicious of that. when someone tries to separate you and your education, you should be suspicious of that. i don't even like incel rhetoric nor would i want my kids exposed to it - but i would not take away my child's (age-appropriate) access to the internet. i would just provide more educational materials, not less. the difference here is that i believe we can resolve ignorance with knowledge; whereas conservatives believe that ignorance is bliss.

they misappropriate funding and demonize teachers. they pull the same trick each time - the same thing we are seeing with anti-trans rhetoric. they do not want you to have access to safe sex ed, so they act horrified, claim sex ed teaches you how to thrust deep, claim that we have no idea what "age-appropriate" means. since the mid-nineties, the united states has spent at least 2 billion dollars on abstinence-only education, even though to quote the above link: "a preponderance of studies has found no effect of abstinence education at reducing adolescent pregnancy". conservatives want you to think less of any person struggling with addiction so they can continue their racist "war on drugs", so they spend up to $750 million dollars a year on the DARE program which has absolutely no effect. acting like teachers "must" be "grooming" children is just the same thing - so they can demand that funding either goes to their causes or the funding doesn't "exist" ("i'm not paying for our kids to learn that thing!")

and they want you to feel uncaring about this. they are aware that you will hate some parts of your school experience. pretty much everyone does. they want to lean into the parts that you hate so that you don't put up a fight about it when they take it away for not being "good enough."

i know i maybe sound like a conspiracy theorist. but truly. truly. it is beneficial for conservatives to reduce your faith in the american public schooling system.

one of the explicitly stated campaign promises of the conservative party: to axe the Department of Education in 2024.

i know we are all tired and burnt out and there is so much else wrong with their entire platform. but maybe just - pay attention to this one.