#How old is he mentally??? How old is he coded to be. 20?? 30?? 50??? What age is he supposed to be????
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Ep 205: Terry Carnation's "Dark Air" and Rich Hatem
“Imagine the universe, compressed on the head of a pin…”
– Scott’s remembrance of a Carl Sagan quote, which, turns out, probably originates from a parody impression of Carl Sagan
Description:
We have a very special guest joining us tonight, metaphysical "astralnaut," philosopher of the liminal, "Pope of the Paranormal," and host of the AM Radio talk show Dark Air, Terry Carnation. Terry first got his start in the paranormal radio genre when unexpectedly thrust into taking over for another show. While working as a late-night rock n' roll Disc Jockey for an FM station in Buffalo, NY, in 1992, Reginald Wilcox, the host of the paranormal call-in show that aired after Terry's slot was mysteriously murdered while Terry was in the bathroom... or so he claims. In his unflappable sense of duty, apparently stronger than his sense of legal obligation, Terry immediately took over the role of consigliere for listeners stupefied by the supernatural. And in Terry's words, "that's how a legend was created." Now, after a three-year hiatus, Terry Carnation returns with a new podcast, also called Dark Air, available starting April 1, 2021, wherever podcasts are given away for free. While you may not have heard of him, there will be something uneasily familiar about his voice and visage. And the audience will come to know his strange power for tearing off the head of disbelief and reaching down deep into our souls to yank out the viscera of our darkest fears and mysteries. Wrapped around our interview with Terry, our good buddy Rich Hatem joins us once again to discuss his latest adventures and projects. We'll also con him into playing our version of a game show, in the spirit of America's NPR radio program Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! and Britain's Would I Lie to You? We'll tell Rich three outrageous paranormal stories, and he has to guess which one is fake. Please join us for an episode of inscrutable levity.
Reference Links:
Terry Carnation’s website, TerryCarnation.com
Terry Carnation and Dark Air on Audioboom, where you can subscribe to the platform of your choice
Dark Air with Terry Carnation on Apple Podcasts
Follow Terry Carnation on Instagram
Follow Terry Carnation on Twitter
Terry Carnation on Facebook
Where to stream DC Titans
“TERRIBLE FLYING JELLY BAGS aka DOMSTEN BLOBS: (SWEDEN)” by Rob Morphy on cryptopia.us
National Public Radio’s Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
The BBC One panel show involving true and false tales, Would I Lie To You?
“The Story Behind The Haunted Donkey Lady Bridge In Texas Will Send Chills Down Your Spine” from OnlyInYourState.com
“South Texas Haunted Folklore: The Tale of the Converse Werewolf” from KSAT.com
On a totally unrelated subject…
Rainn Wilson is best known for playing the role of Dwight Schrute on NBC's The Office. Additional film and television credits include Galaxy Quest, Almost Famous, The Rocker, Super, Six Feet Under, Juno, Backstrom, Star Trek Discovery, Thom Pain, The Meg, Mom, Don't Tell a Soul and Utopia. He will also be appearing in the forthcoming podcast Dark Air with Terry Carnation. Wilson co-founded SoulPancake, a digital media company, and the Lide Foundation, an educational initiative in rural Haiti that empowers at-risk women and girls through the arts.
Dark Air with Terry Carnation was created by Rainn Wilson and Aaron Lee and is produced by Thom Harp and Chris Kelly. Dark Air with Terry Carnation is a production of Imperial Mammoth, Audioboom and Kelly&Kelly. Theme music by Marcos Moscat
This episode features the voice talents of Jinous Khjadivian and Dana Davis as the two audience callers.
Please help out our good friend Stan Gordon, by purchasing his books on Amazon and Barnes & Noble – you’re gonna love ‘em!
At Barnes & Noble:
Silent Invasion: The Pennsylvania UFO-Bigfoot Casebook
Astonishing Encounters: Pennsylvania’s Unknown Creatures, Casebook 3
Really Mysterious Pennsylvania: UFOs, Bigfoot, and Other Weird Encounters, Casebook 1
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Credits:
Episode 205: Terry Carnation’s “Dark Air“ and Rich Hatem. Produced by Scott Philbrook & Forrest Burgess; Audio Editing by Sarah Vorhees Wendel. Sound Design by Ryan McCullough; Tess Pfeifle, Producer, and Lead Researcher; Research Support from the astonishing League of Astonishing Researchers, a.k.a. The Astonishing Research Corps, or "A.R.C." for short. Copyright 2021 Astonishing Legends Productions, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
#2021#205#Terry Carnation#Rainn Wilson#The Office#Dwight Schrute#Rain Wilson#Richard Hatem#Rich Hatem#DC Titans#DC Universe#Titans#Batman#Paranormal#Steve Carell#radio show#Dark Air#murder#AM#FM#Domsten Blobs#Donkey Lady#San Antonio#Texas#Rob Morphy#Cryptopia
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Globe, January 4
You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks
Cover: Ghislaine Maxwell buying her way out of prison
Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Gavin Rossdale playing tennis with his pup Chewy, Brooke Burke holding holiday balls topless, James Franco takes his cellphone into the sea
Page 3: Leighton Meester surfing in Malibu, Robbie Williams, Lisa Rinna wearing two masks
Page 4: Angelina Jolie is bracing for major humiliation after being dragged into Johnny Depp’s latest legal showdown with ex-wife Amber Heard -- Angie’s run-ins with Johnny who she starred with in 2010′s The Tourist are coming under intense scrutiny as Depp gears for a second court battle with Amber -- Angie and Johnny were so coy about their white-hot connection at the time even though their romance was an open secret but they got lucky because nobody had the smoking gun to prove it but now it’ll all come out in the open -- at the time Johnny was still dating Vanessa Paradis while Angie was five years into her doomed love-in with Brad Pitt -- there’s talk bisexual Amber was kind of obsessed with Angie so Angie is central to the plotline whether she likes it or not
Page 5: The Bachelor host Chris Harrison is worried he’ll follow Dancing with the Stars host Tom Bergeron out the door -- both these shows have been on TV forever and the world has changed around them and to keep up with Black Lives Matter and the #MeToo movement changes are being discussed and that’s left Chris fearing he’ll be the next Tom Bergeron and replaced by a woman of color
Page 6: Aging divas Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton are caught in a bitter country catfight and long-dead Patsy Cline is the excuse -- although there’s been little love lost between the Nashville icons for nearly 50 years their simmering feud exploded weeks ago when Dolly apparently took some veiled public shots at Loretta’s BFF Patsy who was horribly disfigured in a car wreck two years before dying in a 1963 plane crash -- in an interview Dolly recalled standing in the wings of Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry at age 13 and watching Patsy perform and she remembered thinking about how awful it was that she got her pretty face scarred up like that -- Loretta was fit to be tied over the comments Dolly made about her old pal and thinks Dolly should stop running her mouth about Nashville legends like Patsy and Johnny Cash -- Dolly’s heard about Loretta’s complaints through the grapevine and brushes them off as quarantine boredom mixed with old age
Page 8: Blake Shelton’s going bonkers after fiancee Gwen Stefani told him she wants to skip the mega-million star-studded wedding shindig he’s been planning and elope -- Blake is all bent out of shape over Gwen’s latest switcheroo which calls for them to get hitched on the sly at a Mexican resort and she’s got him so mixed up he can’t think straight because for the longest time she wanted the Hollywood-style wedding with all the bells and whistles and was very particular about details but now she’s telling him to ditch those plans which have already cost them a small fortune and book a trip somewhere exotic so they can just just get it over with -- Gwen wants to elope so they can hitched at the Riviera Maya resort in Cancun where they could swap vows on the beach witnessed by her three sons and Blake has no choice but to give in to Gwen and he’s saying he’s fine with it as long as she’s sure this time
Page 9: Hollywood horndog John Mayer is back sniffing around old flame Jennifer Aniston after his mom gave him a shove -- John and Jen had a steamy fling for about a year before he dropped her in 2009 and now John’s mom Margaret Meyer is scolding him for letting Jen go and John’s mom is always on him about settling down and she feels that at 43 he should be married and she recently had a heart-to-heart talk with him and told him she thought Jennifer was the most down-to-earth of all his exes and because John considers his mom one of the smartest people he knows he decided to reach out to Jen and he’s always admired Jen and thought of her as a classy lady and now he’s reaching out to her again in hopes of getting her to agree to see him again once things leave lockdown
* FKA Twigs has socked actor Shia LaBeouf with a bombshell lawsuit claiming he subjected her to relentless physical, emotional and mental abuse and gave her an STD and she also accuses him of sexual battery, assault, and infliction of emotional distress -- although Shia says she’s lying Twigs insists Shia once choked her in the middle of the night and kept a loaded firearm by the bed leaving her terrified to get up at night for fear he’d think she was an intruder and shoot her -- she claims during an incident around Valentine’s Day 2019 Shia threatened to crash his speeding car unless she professed her love for him so when he pulled into a gas station she got out of the car but he threw her against the car while screaming in her face then forced her back into the car -- Shia also had rules about how often Twigs had to kiss and touch him -- Shia has been arrested several times on now-dismissed charges including assault and disorderly conduct
Page 10: John Lennon didn’t have to die -- that’s law enforcement experts’ explosive analysis after reviewing newly discovered evidence about the Beatles legend’s December 8, 1980 murder in NYC -- an odd series of coincidences and simple decisions put Lennon and his killer Mark David Chapman in the same place at the same time -- a review of the details concludes Lennon’s death was a strange result of flukes including his penchant for running around without protection and a missed appointment with his photographer and without these quirks of fate John would still be alive and recording hit songs
Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Pink flashes her bandaged thumb after getting stitches in Santa Monica (picture), Amanda Seyfried confesses she made a terrible decision for turning down the role of a lifetime as Chris Pratt’s love interest in Guardians of the Galaxy and now she’s watching from the sidelines as the director’s second choice Zoe Saldana skyrockets in the money-making Marvel franchise, Katherine Heigl will star in the upcoming limited biopic series Woodhull about Victoria Woodhull the first woman to run for president in 1872, Big Brother alum Zach Rance has come out as bisexual after admitting a sizzling same-sex romance with his former reality show housemate Frankie Grande who is the real-life older brother of pop star Ariana Grande
Page 13: Jaime King slurps down a meal on the streets on L.A. (picture), Jax Taylor mowing the lawn (picture), Guns N’ Roses axman Slash loads up on supplies at an L.A. grocery (picture), former teen heartthrob Chad Michael Murray admits his inflated young ego got the best of him and now he looks at photos of himself and thinks what a dweeb
Page 14: Julia Roberts is headed for the small screen headlining the limited TV series The Last Thing He Told Me where she’ll form an unexpected relationship with her teenage stepdaughter while searching for the truth about her husband’s mysterious disappearance, Emma Stone is also heading for the flat-screen in the comedy series The Curse alongside Nathan Fielder about a couple starring on an HGTV-style show who are trying to conceive a child amid an alleged curse, Nicolas Cage is hosting a new series called The History of Swear Words in which he’ll delve into the origins and pop culture usage and science and cultural impact of profanely shocking expletives
* Fashion Police -- Peyton List 8/10, Sofia Carson 9/10, Vanessa Hudgens 2/10, Neve Campbell 1/10, Chelsea Handler 4/10
Page 16: Cover Story -- Jeffrey Epstein’s madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s $30M jail break -- terrified and tortured Ghislaine risks family fortune to buy her freedom -- the accused sex predator and her fat cat inner circle are set to plunk down an obscene $30 million to buy her way out of federal prison in what outraged investigators fear is a brazen plot to cheat justice
Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Mayim Bialik
* Lizzo is admitting she’s having negative thoughts and is hating her 300-pound body but adds she knows she beautiful
* The Spice Girls were likely liquored up on cut-rate champagne when they made their first album according to Emma Bunton a.k.a. Baby Spice who says she and her bandmates swilled the cheapest sparkling wine in the studio
Page 20: True Crime -- a chilling message left by the elusive Zodiac Killer has finally been cracked by a team of code breakers after 51 years -- a hodgepodge of numbers, symbols and letters called the 340 cipher was sent to the San Francisco Chronicle in 1969 and lawmen believed it contained key clues to the serial killer’s identity but the truth is even more chilling -- according to the experts the message says I hope you are having lots of fun in trying to catch me, I am not afraid of the gas chamber because it will send me to paradise all the sooner because I now have enough slaves to work for me
Page 21: Caitlyn Jenner is terrified after learning her skin cancer has returned a second time -- she was diagnosed with basal cell skin cancer a few years ago and had an entire layer of skin removed from her nose -- since then she’s been slathering on sunscreen but a new red spot on the right side of her nose popped up along with some crusty areas on her scalp but the nose patch was not cancer but hypertrophic keratosis or scaly damage from sun exposure -- however the dozen spots on the top of her head was squamous cell carcinoma which is a skin cancer that’s known to be aggressive so her doctor burned off the offending spots -- her doctor recommended she replace her 1960 Austin-Healey convertible but the chances of Caitlyn selling her prized ride are slim
Page 23: Your 2021 Horoscope -- love, luck, health, wealth, happiness -- plus surprising celebrity predictions -- Elton John, Valerie Bertinelli, Johnny Depp, Jessica Simpson, Matthew Perry, Cameron Diaz, Will Smith, Katy Perry, Howie Mandel, Savannah Guthrie, Justin Timberlake, Carrie Underwood
Page 30: Larry King has reached a deal with estranged wife Shawn but she’s royally peeved about the payoff -- Larry has agreed to pay her a lump sum of $20,000 plus $33,000 a month in spousal support which lasts until at least their next scheduled hearing in April but Shawn claims the 33Gs only covers a third of her monthly nut which includes $25,000 for rent on her home, $12,000 on clothes, $3500 on groceries and $4500 for hair and nails and pet care and gym
Page 31: Kim Kardashian is reading husband Kanye West the riot act over his junk food benders that are sabotaging her healthy eating program and it’s led to more than a few arguments with no peace in sight -- he’s telling her to chill and let him live by his own terms but she can’t do that because it’s driving her crazy -- what really ticks Kim off is his junk food has totally taken over her section of fresh cut veggies, fruits and water and she wants him to get his own storage in a different part of the house where she won’t have to see it or hold her nose
* Kardashian momager Kris Jenner’s faux reality TV home is on the market for nearly $8 million even though she never lived there -- the L.A. estate was used for exterior shots of the image-conscious family’s compound on Keeping Up with the Kardashians but it was all for show -- dubbed the Iredell Estate the house also appears in True Blood and Chelsea Lately
Page 33: Health Report
Page 34: Wrestling Ring Kings: Where Are They Now? Sable, Bret Hart
Page 35: Lex Luger, Steve Austin, Ric Flair
Page 36: The Undertaker, Tito Santana, Diamond Dallas Page
Page 37: Kane, Kurt Angle, Sunny, Mick Foley
Page 39: Despite an astounding 30 No. 1 country music hits legendary singer Charley Pride took a haunting regret to his grave that he never made it as major league baseball star -- Charley had so much success but he died tormented his baseball career short-circuited -- Charley was singing and playing guitar by the time he was 14 but his real goal was to pitch for the New York Yankees -- Charley signed with a Yankees farm team as a flame-throwing phenom at 17 but in his rookie season he threw out his arm and was just never the same -- after he struck out in baseball he put his full energy into singing but faced an uphill battle -- Charley was the Jackie Robinson of country music and he endured a lot of racism
Page 40: Kelsey Grammer admits he often breaks down and blubbers like a baby and it makes him feel better and he cries when he’s upset or sad or scared and it provides him a lot of relief and he believes years of tragedy in his life taught him to cry as a healing mechanism and now he sheds tears whenever he has sad feeling bottled up inside him
* A moneybags James Bond fan coughed up a whopping $256,000 for the handgun 007 Sean Connery toted in the first spy epic Dr. No -- the disabled Walther PP semi-automatic was supposed to bring in no more than $200,000 but the unidentified American buyer who claims to have seen every Bond epic went even higher
Page 44: Straight Talk -- Miley Cyrus is now blabbing about why she broke up with husband Liam Hemsworth after years of togetherness and just nine months of marriage and it sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black
Page 45: Furious Queen Elizabeth has booted Princess Eugenie and her husband out of Prince Harry’s Frogmore Cottage home in a bit to foil Meghan Markle’s plan to completely cut him off from England and the royal family -- pregnant Eugenie and her booze-seller husband Jack Brooksbank were ordered to quit the cottage and move back to Kensington Palace just six weeks after Harry and Meghan secretly leased them the home meaning Harry and Meghan are still on the financial hook for Frogmore which was a gift from the queen and they will have to underwrite the cost of keeping up the property and it also ensures Harry has a home in Britain if he ever wants to come back -- by moving Eugenie and Jack out the queen has made sure Harry still has a place to hang his hat if he decides to come back to leave his American wife
Page 47: Bizarre But True
#tabloid#grain of salt#tabloid toc#tabloidtoc#ghislaine maxwell#jeffrey epstein#angelina jolie#johnny depp#amber heard#the bachelor#chris harrison#tom bergeron#loretta lynn#dolly parton#patsy cline#johnny cash#gwen stefani#blake shelton#john mayer#jennifer aniston#fka twigs#shia labeouf#john lennon#mayim bialik#lizzo#spice girls#emma bunton#baby spice#zodiac killer#caitlyn jenner
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MODERN VERSE
VERSE TAG: ;;modern: i look to the stars and it feels like something is missing
LOCATION: Varies [thread dependent]
AGE: Default is 30 [otherwise, thread dependent]
Basic Information
X. Ben was born to Senator Leia Organa and high profile actor and model Han Solo. Due to their high activity schedules, Ben was left with various babysitters for much of his childhood.
X. When he was ten, he was kidnapped by one of those babysitters and held for ransom. Ben has blocked out much of what happened while he was held by Snoke. Shortly after rescue, Ben was sent to live with his Uncle Luke in New York. (Note: While these memories are repressed, they are responsible for a later depersonalization disorder on top of various anger issues and chronic depression.)
X. Growing up after Snoke’s kidnapping was difficult for Ben. He often felt different than his classmates and it was hard for him to make friends. His uncle caught on to this and tries enrolling him into various after school programs. He was often asked not to return due to his anger issues.
X. As he got older, Ben expressed a deep desire to move out of his uncle’s house despite having nowhere to go. Seeing his father on television and in movies knowing that he wasn’t around was enough to make him irritable the rest of the day. Sharing his name and being stopped on the street by fans looking for photos only made things worse.
X. In order to find something to get his attention, Ben took to technology and developed a fascination with graphics and coding. In freshman year, he started taking band classes. He can play trumpet, piano, and guitar.
X. He tried getting in contact with his mother for a good part of his senior year of high school. When neither of his parents showed up for his graduation, he enlisted in the marines.
X. He tried getting in contact with his mother for a good part of his senior year of high school. When neither of his parents showed up for his graduation, he enlisted in the marines.
X. The day he left for basic training, Ben and Luke had an argument. Luke blamed him for taking off just as Han did and felt that the military wasn’t where Ben should have been going, that he was running away. Ben did nothing to him but he did become quiet enough to absorb what was said. The argument escalated and Ben threw terrible things at his uncle. It was nothing new. In the process, he shut down and focused on his basic training - started 2008.
X. Thirteen weeks basic training and no contact with his uncle made Ben flourish. He was one of the top recruits at the time, specializing in ballistic weaponry with melee and hand-to-hand combat as close seconds. While the training was exhausting, he began finding his confidence and backbone. At the same time, he was starkly reminded that he had little to no place in the slowly crafted groups of various other marines. This distance was justified for him in the way that distance would make loss easier later on. He started college soon after.
X. 2008, E1. Started college in New York as a reserve - two-day monthly and two weeks of annual training.
X. 2010, E3. During a training exercise, he engaged in unusual tactics to protect him and his men during a mock shoot out where they were pinned on location. First emergence of Kylo Ren in a non combat situation. Due to his quick decisions, Ben was commended by the officers overlooking his training.
X. 2011, E3 (Age 20). Grandmother died. Ben attended the funeral but didn’t speak to his family. All of his belongings were moved from the home and straight to a storage facility in Queens. Ben pays monthly for storage.
X. 2012, E-3 to O-1 (Age 22). Graduated fluent in Arabic and Urdu. Attended a ten week officer training class in Quantico, Virginia. Deployed on active duty near December. Ben was involved in protecting and evacuating civilians during a battle in an Iraqi city. Afterward, he was part of a search and rescue team to recover the injured and the dead.
X. 2014, O-1 (Age 24). From 2014 onward, Ben was deployed to Iran for multiple operations. At one point, he started to rethink his goals. Beginning of Kylo Ren starting to emerge, started brutal interrogation tactics of captured prisoners.
X. 2015, O-1 TO O-2 (Age 25). Promoted from rank O-1 to O-2.
X. Bought his own home and vehicle in New York state. Found out through his uncle that his father knew of him and was keeping an eye on him. Ben didn’t tell his mother but she informed him months later that she already knew. Most of the Solo family knows who he is and what he does. While he doesn’t have a target on his back, they do keep tabs on him.
X. 2015. Ben was employed by his mother mainly because he was needed for translation assistance as well as his unique but effective interrogation techniques. He was given full reports and was only allowed to translate small pieces at a time for confidentiality sake, but what information was given to him via questioning was unfiltered.
X. 2015-2017. (Verse dependent)
(Option 1) - multiple failed attempts at dating men and women alike. Very few could handle his constantly shifting lifestyle. Two girlfriends cheated on him, three boyfriends ghosted him.
(Option 2) - multiple PTSD induced nightly issues. Sleeps away from his partner to keep them from having to deal with his inability to sleep at normal hours and/or long periods of time. Snappy, irritable, and quite easy to set off. Would never hit his partner conscious but he does have issues where waking may cause him to choke them. Attempts many different therapists and rarely sticks to a single one until the end of 2016 - failed by mid 2017, Kylo Ren scared the therapist by revealing her address, phone number, and threatened to skin her family alive.
X. 2017 O-2 (Age 28). Early in the year, January through May. Ben began making efforts to finish his education on Spanish and Russian, and finished Spanish. Listed the course completion on his files. He went from performing operations to preventing loss of life on the ground by translating messages sent from opposing forces. Begins to feel he has his issue with Kylo under control (except he doesn’t).
X. 2017 O-2 to O-3 (Age 28). Late in the year, May until early 2018. Promoted to O-3 mid-May. Deployed to Afghanistan again. Captured by enemy forces in early June. Ben remained with them for almost a year before he was freed by a US Air Force pilot (Verse Dependent - Could be any SW Resistance or First Order Pilot.)
X. 2018 (Age 29). Ben spent the majority of the year in recovery. The first few weeks was touch and go but he was allowed out of the hospital within two months time. Because of the various injuries, he not only had to have physical therapy to recover (which he took on easily) but narcotic painkillers to manage his chronic pain. He didn’t allow many people to see him while he was recovering and took to staying at home alone unless friends showed up without mention. Partners were automatically allowed near him but instructed, by him, not to try to coddle him.
X. His injuries include; the long scar down his face, a bullet wound to his left shoulder, and a near fatal wound to his abdomen.
X. Late 2018. Leia has him reassigned to a position in intelligence.
X. 2019 O-3 to O-4 (Age 29-30). Officially diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and general anxiety disorders. He refused additional therapy and any medications prescribed to him. Managed to pay his home and vehicle off, does freelance translations in his spare time. He remains at home for the most part and works on his abilities in the backyard, surrounded by a privacy fence. Chewbacca (gift from vuuelo and service dog in training), his dog, remains with him for the most part along with any romantic partners.
X. As a safety measure, Chewbacca will alert anyone in the home to Ben’s depersonalization disorder acting up. He will bark and growl, then attempt to put himself between the other person and Ben in order to keep Ben from harming them.
X. He has a home in New York City and another in D.C. and frequently travels between the two. Because of his position, he often sees his mother and works with her but rarely speaks to her on a personal level. He hasn’t seen Han much at all since he was young and he actively avoids Luke if he can help it.
Important Note: Due to Ben’s high amount of emotional and mental instability after spending a year as a POW, any romantic relationships may be highly toxic. He does not take medication for his mental conditions and can endanger himself and anyone in his home with him. While Chewbacca will growl at him if ‘Kylo Ren’ is at the forefront, this does not mean that other people in the house will be safe.
Simplified Military Timeline
Joined up in '08, completed training & was actively a RESERVE by mid-'08
O-1 promotion in 2012; Active Duty, commissioned December
O-2 promotion in 2015
O-3 promotion in 2017
O-4 promotion in 2019
Currently Reassigned As: O-4 (Major); MOS 0211 CI/HUMINT or Counter Intelligence and Human Intelligence Specialist
Yearly Salary: $89,524
Monthly: (Before Taxes) $7,460; (After Taxes) $5,068
Vehicle: Jeep Wrangler TJ Sport 03
$2100 monthly bills: electric, internet, cable, water, waste management 50 (every three months), car insurance, car payment, house payment (including insurance)
$2968 left || $2568 after food ($100 per week)
Option 1: Possibility of meeting him somewhere in town, likely a coffee shop, grocery store, or walking to and from his office in either area.
Option 2: Working with him or around him. Ben will visibly flinch if called ‘Kylo Ren’ by anyone other than his old unit mates.
Fandoms/AUs that use this verse as a base:
The Walking Dead: ;;twd: until the light finally dies // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change aside from dates. Given the length of the series itself and the numerous ways Ben could come into the main group, this will require plotting on a person-by-person basis.
Resident Evil: ;;RE: this is how you rot // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change. After hearing that the Umbrella Corporation is reportedly at the root of all issues, Senator Leia Organa petitions for her son to go undercover for them. Plotting available on a person-by-person basis.
Day After Tomorrow: ;;DAT: it ended in ice // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change.
The Silence: ;;the silence: sometimes silence is the best answer // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change.
Birdbox: ;;birdbox: seeing shouldn't be believing // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change.
Jurassic Park/World: ;;jurassic: of teeth and scales // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change. Movie information only. Ben is hired by the owners of the park to stand in as security detail for the island and the owners themselves.
#;;verses: all#;;modern: i look to the stars and it feels like something is missing#;;twd: until the light finally dies#;;the silence: sometimes silence is the best answer#;;birdbox: seeing shouldn't be believing#;;jurassic: of teeth and scales#;;RE: this is how you rot#;;DAT: it ended in ice
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Hitting Jock Bottom
I felt like shit. The throbbing headache told me to stay in bed. Actually, wise from hangovers past I should go and drink water and then take a nap and hope things would turn out better the next time I wake up. Those thoughts quickly went through my mind, still foggy from whatever had transpired the night before. I didn't remember what had happened nor how I had gotten here, but this was definitely not my bed.
Harsh white light lit the sparse, tiled room as I opened my eyes. I was strapped on some sort of gurney that was tilted at an angle between lying down and standing up. My body was secured, but I could move my head around enough to see that I wore something resembling a dark blue wetsuite. Cables and tubes where attached to various points and snaked away to a cluster of machines and drip bags to my right. Still groggy, and more confused than scared, I was trying to sort through all the different sensations. Most prominent of all was something big was stuck in my mouth, and I felt like I needed to take a dump.
*squeak*
The sound when I bit down resembled a doggy squeaky toy.
*squeak*
Before I had any time to consider this new, perplexing weirdness a door opened and closed behind me and a man in white shirt, tie and labcoat came into view.
"I do apologise, we are a bit understaffed at the moment. I try to be present for every arrival". He checked something on one of the machines next to me. "Good, good. Just waking up I see. Welcome to Goldfarb Body Shop and Repairs. I imagine you are feeling some confusion at the moment. It's perfectly normal when our services are purchased for someone else. My name is Rob, and I will take care of your process initiation."
My head still hurt like hell and very little of this made sense, beside the feeling confused part. Rob was in his forties and looked every bit like a lab technician. A lab technician who was high on sugar and couldn't wait to talk to other people.
Rob picked up a clipboard and quickly eyed the first two pages. "Let's start with the basics. As I think I heard, you have already figured out how to use the signalling device in your mouth piece. I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but we've had so much problem with people just screaming. Totally ruins the schedule. I would like you to signal once for yes, twice for no and three times to have the question repeated. Do you understand?"
*squeak*
"Excellent! Are you Jonathan Brent, social security number 078-05-1120?"
*squeak*
"Great. It would be so embarrassing to have the wrong person. In the old days we used to invite people to retreats through sham lottery winnings and have them participate in yoga and meditation, and slowly work with them from there, but the way technology has progressed we don't need any cooperation at all anymore. A bit less personal but so much more efficient."
He looked at the clipboard once again. "So someone has purchased, for you, one of our discount packages. Great value! This one is called 'jock bottom'. We are so lucky to have such a creative sales and marketing team. This bundle contains four transformation modules, well three of any substance. We have Muscleman, Meathead, Cunting and then our QA/Design module. I'll explain all of them briefly."
Muscleman, Meathead and Cunting. Whatever this place was and what they were planning to do, I didn't like the sound of any of them. Well, muscleman didn't sound terrible, but I've never been that interested in anything physical. I do the occasional jog and play some volley at the beach, but nothing regular. And I don't even know what cunting means.
Rob continued "Muscleman is about 50% of the transformation effort in the bundle. We'll use state of the art, fast acting genetic editing and gene therapy to overhaul the genetic makeup of your body. Then a combination of stem cells, hormone manipulation and viral reconstruction to actually express those genes as physical changes. In addition to biochemistry we have a set of contraptions that can force tissue to build how and where we want it."
He was looking up from the clipboard and looking into my eyes. "It gets much easier if you cooperate with all given instructions. We will not sacrifice the quality of our work, it just take different amount of time to get there. The changes are pronounced, profound and permanent, to quote our motto."
This is terrible! Somehow someone somewhere has paid these guys to force me into becoming a some sort of body builder. Who does that? How is that technology even possible?
"The Muscleman module also has a small educational component where we ensure that the target has the needed knowledge, skill and motivation to keep the body in great condition long after QA acceptance. This is done, in addition to reinforcing genetic changes, through psycotherapy and metabolic conditioning." Rob was clearly reading marketing text from the clipboard. "The end result is multiple layers of reinforcing behaviors. Eating triggers restlessness triggers excersie. Excersise triggers hunger trigers eating."
"Now the second module is the Meathead module. It's about 20% of the transformation and is a bit more involved than it first appears. First it reinforces the mental conditioning from the Muscleman module, and adds significantly more knowledge and interest in physical activities. But it also removes some of the previous drives and abilities of the target."
This was getting worse and worse.
*squeak* *squeak*
Rob looked up from the clipboard, distracted from his reading. "What? Ah. No? No, it's all already being ordered and paid for, but don't worry, there will be plenty of opportunity to give feedback and consent later. Where were we, yes Meathead. We will run a series of tests in an MRI where we will map your brain. Then we'll insert articulated, microscopic wires through your nose and into your brain, cut out small sections and replace them with stem cells with DNA we coded. You'll see major results instantly after the operation! We'll then stimulate the brain with the right chemicals, electrical impulses and sensory data, and you'll know 50 different ways of excersising your deltoid in no time." He looked up again, excitedly going off script. "We have this cool transcranial stimulation head gear you put on, and then every movement you do while you wear it you will be able to replicate exactly afterwards. Dead lifts, break dance, karate chops, you name it! Super cool. Well, you will not use it for karate or dancing though."
No fucking way! Replacing parts of the brain. Reprogramming? These people are sick.
"Then we have the Cunting module. This is also mainly a behavior module, but it will turn you into a very submissive, very promiscuous homosexual. The principle is the same as the Meathead module, but instead of cramming sports teams and being rewarded for squatting correctly, you'll be flooded with gay porn and being conditioned with chemically induced orgasms on anal stimulation. I can promise you that you will love it. After all, the point is that you should love it so much you would arrange your life around sucking dick, getting fucked and working out."
WTF!
"The last 10% is spent on quality assurance and design. We'll remove genetic problems, administer a broad set of vaccinations, slow down aging, etc. This is a standard module for all our work. Good for you to know is that it includes HIV immunity and protects against all known long term STDs. The design part is that one of our character designer will spend 30 minutes to review your build and allocate some minor work to make it coherent. Since there is no purely cosmetic change included in your package, except for the muscles, perhaps the designer will move the hairline forward to make a more youthful look, or broaden the nose a bit to make you look imposing."
Getting massive muscles and being forced to keep them was a survivable event. Some people get stuck in wheel chairs. Some people need to inject insulin daily. Having to eat clean and go to the gym was really nothing compared to that. Having the brain rearranged was way worse, but I could suffer a stroke. Becoming some sort of muscle-homo-sub was something different entirely. How the fuck could I get out of this?
"We're a bit pressed on time, as I mentioned, so I'll get right to it. We have a set of customization options to run you through. All are simply select one option out of three. Just signal once for option one, twice for two, three times for three and four times to have them repeated."
"The first option is selecting the major profile for the Meathead module. This one is important and informs a lot of the following customizations, so pay attention. Option 1 is called 'jock' and is the standard athletic option. Lot's of interest in sports, both as a participant and as an observer, spending your nights in areans or sports bars. Option 2 is called 'douche' and is the party and exhibitionist option. You'll spend your time in bodybuilding competitions, getting photographed, or clubbing. Finally option 3 is called "bear" and is the strongman option. This includes lumberjack, handyman or motorcycle specializations, with nights in leather bars or truck stops."
I'm not playing this fucking game. If I'm not saying anything it is something that happens to me, not something I've done.
"Once for jock, twice for douche, thrice for bear. You should know that the Muscleman module isn't affected, so the muscled build will look the same regardless of option here. The focus is primarily muscle size and secondly strength. Agility, stamina or coordination are not something actively worked on, but possible to train yourself of course."
We look at each other in silence. I can't tell from his voice if he is mocking or serious when he misunderstands my silence.
"I know it is difficult to make a decision. I'll put a time limit of 30 seconds per question and pick something for you. We do typically alter the body hair to match each major theme. Jock gets pretty standard body hair, but clean back and chest, douche gets no hair below the neck and bear gets hair everywhere. There is also some differences in skin tanning."
After presumably 30 seconds he continues.
"OK, let's go with option 1. Jock is our most popular option. It's in the name of the package after all. Let's continue with some specifics. For every question you can either select what you find most exciting today, or what you would like to find exciting. If you pick something you already love, that will make the transition easier. So, what sport are you most interested in. One football, two hockey or
three soccer?"
I continue my silent treatment. I'm not much into any of them anyway.
"OK, let's go with soccer. That's big internationally, so there is always something to watch. Next, what would you prefer out of basket, baseball or lacrosse?"
...
"Nothing? Not yet a sports fan, eh? Let's mix it up with something more niche and pick lacrosse. Final sport, MMA, Boxing or Wrestling?"
I have looked at a some wrestling, but being a fan is a bit of a stretch.
"Let's go with MMA then. Final question in this module: do you prefer Sweatpants, basketball shorts or compression shorts? I should mention that the questions going forward are a bit reflective. With the full homosexual module, there is really no difference between what you like to wear and what you are attracted to."
How could I relate to that question, even if I wanted to answer. Would I like to be attracted to men in sweatpants? I don't want to be fucking attracted to men at all!
"Basketball shorts then! We're almost there. Just a few simple customizations in the cunting module. What excites you the most? Licking asses, licking feet or licking armpits?"
Fuck! I can't let it be asses. What is best of feet or armpits? What is least worst?
*squeak* *squeak* ... *squeak*
"Oh, we got some interest. Licking armpits it will be. What ejaculations would you be most excited about? In your mouth, in your ass, or both at the same time?"
Is being fucked better or worse than giving a blow job? You would be more in control of a blow job, but you would have to do all the work for it. Both at the same time is clearly worse. Why do I even have to think about this?
*squeak*
"Excellent! An upcoming supreme fellator. Finally an ethnic question. What would you find most attractive? Middle eastern men, northen Latin American men or west African men?"
For a split second I felt very racist as I rejected each of the alternatives. What would be worse though? I imagine trying to find muslims to suck off could backfire in so many ways? Black or Latino then? I really have no idea what their gay communities look like.
*squeak* *squeak* *squeak*
"West African men it is. So, if I've noted everything down correctly you want to become a jock with special interest in soccer, lacrosse and MMA, attracted to West African men wearing basketball shorts, who you most would like to lick their armpits and have them ejaculate in your mouth. Is that correct?"
*squeak*
"Excellent! It's such a waste of time when people don't consent after all that work. All of this would be a loss and we would have to refund the money."
FUCK! *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *pfff* ...
Rob turned a small knob on the mouth piece that turned off the toy sound.
"So, we will go right ahead and synthesize the DNA and inject that in a few hours. Then you'll basically be knocked out and in fever for the better part of a week while the major rewrite happens. We'll do the brain mapping towards the end and perform the minor surgeries after that. Then one week of initial programming while the surgeries heal and the initial set of tissue stem cell injections start to grow. Week three and forward will be a daily rotation of gym time, injections and programming, mostly in the fuck lab. With your cooperation we could be done as quickly as 10 weeks."
FUCK NO! FUCK NO!
"While we wait for those viruses to be completed we are going to run you through a cleansing sequence. You can see it as a full body enema, so we can implant a new set of bacteria more helpful to our goals."
He pressed a few buttons and the gurney tilted back almost to a flat position. Some sort of numbing fluid was spraying in my mouth after which something started extending down my throat. At the same time I could feel the plug in my ass inflating and altering its configuration.
Part #2
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I know it's a lot! But all of the 65 questions you aren't used to!! I love getting to know the blogs I follow!
Okay love! The last one was a freebie so I guess I’ll just leave that one out haha.
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
Na, usually it’s the opposite for me. I don’t feel important enough to be real.
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
Maybe a 3? I don’t mind the dark as long as my imagination isn’t getting the best of me, which it usually is. I always have my little touch-activated lamp in my room left on at the dimmest setting at night.
3. The person you would never want to meet?
Donald Trump.
4. What is your favorite word?
Drumonios. It’s an Ancient Greek epithet of Artemis, and it means “haunting the woods.” (hey, no one said English word)
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
*in Monty Python voice* THE LARCH
No, but in all seriousness, I’d be a willow. So gentle and comforting, like the tree leaning over to hug you and give you shade.
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
Yikes.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
A black shirt with images of moon phases that says “to the moon and back”
8. What do you label yourself as?
Is this a gender/sexual identity question??? Cuz if not I could label myself as anything. But genderwise I’m a cis female and orientation-wise I’m lesbian, biromantic, possibly somewhere on the ace spectrum?
9. Bright room or dark room?
Dark room. Or mostly dark. Dim with a yellowish lamp because I hate white lights.
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Talking to my gf on the phone.
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
tbh this year, 19. My anxiety’s been better than it ever was. I haven’t been actively suicidal at all this year. I’m just in a better place all around.
12. Who told you they loved you last?
Probably my mom?
13. Your worst enemy?
Myself
14. What is your current desktop picture?
15. Do you like someone?
Romantically? My girlfriend. In general? Everyone who hasn’t crossed me.
16. The last song you listened to?
Right now I’m listening to LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco :)
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Donald Trump, while he’s in a cabinet meeting so it blows up everyone else there too
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Donald Trump or my ex
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
I don’t really want a slave? Kinda against the whole idea? But ig Thomas Jefferson bc he needs to know what it feels like (Hamilton pettiness coming out oops)
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
My eyes! Idk if I have a picture that shows them really well? But you can check my selfies tag. They’re deep hazel green with gold flecks.
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
I would look like historical Alexander Hamilton and I would hang out in history museums freaking people out.
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
Wouldn’t be a secret if I told you. ;) But seriously, I’m not very private about my talents because I’m proud of them. I write, read, make up codes, solve puzzles, sing, do calligraphy. Sometimes my eyeshadow looks decent.
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
Most of the unique things are PTSD triggers. The rest of my fears are just normal.
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
Grilled mac and cheese sandwich.
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
Put it towards saving up for a Switch so I can get the new Pokemon game when it comes out this fall.
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
The British Isles, where I will do historical tours and live in the Highlands for a year.
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
I don’t drink, I’m pretty against it in part because my uncle’s a recovering alcoholic, but I’d say strawberry daquiris? Idk brands, man.
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Socialism and if you’re gonna mess up the process and turn it into communism then you’re off the island.
29. What is your favorite expletive?
Fuckweasel. Thanks, Raven Cycle.
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
My phone I guess?
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Nothing. As much as I hate what I’ve been through (assault by my ex, manipulation by my dad) it’s taught me so much strength and made me who I am. I know red flags. I came out of my shell. I know how to say no, how to cut out toxic family.
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
Scotland.
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
FDR. We have a polio vaccine and he was my favorite president.
34. What was your last dream about?
I was doing a crossword puzzle but, like, it never ended. And the clues kept changing every time I started to write the answer. It sucked.
35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?
Nothing was inserted haha so yes. I am a good.
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
Twice. Once as a baby for my open heart surgery, and once when I was 4 for severe dehydration from the flu.
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
Yes but it’s been like 13 years.
38. What is the color of your socks?
Light blue and white stripes.
39. What type of music do you like?
Pop, rock, folk, Celtic, classical, old country, like, Woodie Guthrie, and some new country like Kelsea Ballerini.
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
SUNSETS
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
Cherry!
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
Um, I guess the OSU Buckeyes cuz that’s where I live and I hate pro football.
43. Do you have any scars?
I have a huge scar down my chest from my heart surgery, a few self harm scars left, and quite a few from old cat scratches. Also my left knee is covered with scars from being a clumsy child. And I have small birthmarks which correlate to past life injuries which is fun
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
A librarian/history or English teacher
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My weight.
46. Are you reliable?
Sometimes I flake on plans bc of mental illness, but yes. I am a strong shoulder to lean on, and I will always be there for you.
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
Am I trying for the right things?
48. Do you hold grudges?
Not consciously. But there are certain things I haven’t been able to forgive just yet.
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
Sloth dragon. Sloth with little back scales and wings who flies very slowly and breathes fire when threatened.
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
My mom and I have the funniest conversations. I couldn’t pick one. Every day between us is just hysterical.
51. Are you a good liar?
Yes. But I don’t lie anymore except when I have to.
52. How long could you go without talking?
Probably forever as long as I could write or text.
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
When I was 9 I decided to get a shoulder length bob. My hair did not approve. Constant white-fro. I don’t have a picture of it full glory, but this is after having it styled, at age 11, as flat as it would go.
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
Noooo I suck at baking. I’ve made cookies though.
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
British, I guess? I do a good Hermione.
56. What do you like on your toast?
Butter lmao I’m classic
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
Uhhh I sketched a flower on my church bulletin last week? Nothing fancy. I don’t draw.
58. What would be you dream car?
‘67 Impala baby.
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
I, uh give political speeches to the showerhead? It’s the Hamilton mood.
60. Do you believe in aliens?
I definitely believe we can’t live in a universe infinitely big all by ourselves.
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
I don’t read my actual horoscope, but I look at those zodiac posts a lot, and I know my full birth chart.
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
A and S.
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
Both. Dinsoaurs could have been dragons, we don’t know.
64. What do you think about babies?
They’re okay til they cry or poop or throw up lmao.
Thanks bb!
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Natalie Jones and the Golden Ship
Part 1/? - A Meeting at the Palace
Part 2/? - Curry Talk
Part 3/? - Princess Sitamun
Part 4/? - Not At Rest
Part 5/? - Dead Men Tell no Tales
Part 6/? - Sitamun Rises Again
Part 7/? - The Curse of Madame Desrosiers
Part 8/? - Sabotage at Guedelon
Part 9/? - A Miracle
Part 10/? - Desrosiers’ Elixir
Part 11/? - Athens in October
Part 12/? - The Man in Black
Part 13/? - Mr. Neustadt
Part 14/? - The Other Side of the Story
Part 15/? - A Favour
Part 16/? - A Knock on the Window
Part 17/? - Sir Stephen and Buckeye
Part 18/? - Books of Alchemy
Part 19/? - The Answers
Part 20/? - A Gift Left Behind
Part 21/? - Santorini
Part 22/? - What the Doves Found
Part 23/? - A Thief in the Night
Part 24/? - Healing
Part 25/? - Newton’s Code
Part 26/? - Montenegro
Part 27/? - The Lost Relic
Part 28/? - The Homunculinus
Part 29/? - The End is Near
Part 30/? - The Face of Evil
Part 31/? - The Morning After
Part 32/? - Next Stop
Part 33/? - A Sighting in Messina
Part 34/? - Taormina
Part 35/? - Burning
Part 36/? - Recovery
Part 37/? - Pilgrimage to Vesuvius
Part 38/? - The Scent of Hell
Part 39/? - She’ll be Coming Down the Mountain
Part 40/? - Stowaways
Part 41/? - Bon Voyage
Part 42/? - Turnabout
Part 43/? - The Apple
Part 44/? - Vesuvius Wakes
Part 45/? - Fire At Sea
Part 46/? - The Real Jim
Part 47/? - Return to Naples
Part 48/? - La Mela
Part 49/? - A Demonstration
Part 50/? - Out of the Frying Pan
Part 51/? - Into the Fire
Part 52/? - The Last Homunculus
It’s up to Nat, Jim, and Perenelle to put their plan into action
They came up with a plan.
“How do we get the stone to the ship?” asked Nat. “You said we need wires to transmit it… and it’s a long way from the dock now.” Even if they could find a cable that long – kilometres, surely – how would they hook it up and make sure it didn’t leak?
Sir Stephen, with his outsider’s view of the present day, was the one who came up with the solution. “There is wiring throughout the city, is there not?” he asked. “There are not many people here to be using the electricity, so perhaps we can use that to bring the stone to the waterside, and then we only need enough cable to connect it to the ship.”
“I could do that,” said Perenelle, “but I need a power source besides the stone. Newton was using some of the stored energy from the volcanoes, but that will be gone now.”
Behind them, in the building, the roof caved in. The pale purple light of the philosopher’s stone shone out in a beam, lighting up the clouds overhead. It looked like something off the Vegas strip, and gave Natasha an unpleasant mental picture of birds and communications satellites dropping out of the sky when they ran into it.
“They’ll have a generator on the ship, obviously,” said Sam. “We could see lights on it from the mountainside, so that’s still running.”
“Somebody would have to go back out to the ship to connect a cable,” said Nat. “At least this time we won’t have to worry about anybody trying to stop us.”
“Those railings around the little piazza,” Perenelle said. “Those will work as temporary containment. It’ll leak a bit, but once those have been transmuted, they’ll keep it in place long enough for us to get off the ship again.”
Nat made up her mind. “Then let’s get on with it,” she said.
“Wait,” Allen protested. “We don’t even know how we’re getting on board the ship!”
“We’ll have to figure it out on the way,” Nat said, and glanced back at the slowly collapsing Palazzo Del Corallo. “I don’t think we’ve got time.”
They headed down to a power plant at the water’s edge. There, Perenelle got to work in the switching room, shutting off connections they didn’t mean, while Sam and Sir Stephen found a drum of heavy-duty electric cable that was labeled 1000 METRI. That sounded like plenty, but to transmit the stone they would need a circuit, so two smaller drums, five hundred metres each, had to be attached together to form the route back. Then they unrolled it into a single giant mess of cable so that the other end could be taken out to the Scorpio II.
Clint had left the grappling hook arrow behind, so another solution had to be found for getting onto the ship. Natasha found somebody’s little fishing boat pulled partly up on land, and waved the others over.
“It’s not much, but I’ll have to do,” said Nat. “Who’s coming with me?” The boat could only fit two or three people.
“I am, obviously,” said Perenelle. She was now wearing somebody’s old denim shorts, which looked very much like something Newton himself would have worn, and a burgundy tank top with Stanford on the front. Her hair was up in a bun, held in place with an ordinary elastic band… and yet somehow, even when dressed like a slob, she still managed to look like a fashion ad.
“Me, too,” said Jim.
“Why you?” asked Clint, who’d been about to volunteer.
Jim took a deep breath. “Because they might need another set of hands. As many people should go as possible and… well, I’m disposable, aren’t I? I’m not going to live long and I might as well do something meaningful.”
“No time to argue about it,” said Natasha. “Jim volunteered first.” If they had to stand around and find logical reasons to pick somebody, they’d never get it done.
So it was Nat, Perenelle, and Jim who set out in the little motorboat, heading for the looming shape of the Scorpio II, with Nat wondering if it were really a good idea to bring Jim along. Could this be the moment they discovered Newton had implanted some kind of programming in him after all, to prevent anybody shutting down the stone after his death? No that couldn’t be, because Jim hadn’t stopped them from fiddling with the tubes in the volcano…
Jim really had been something Newton intended to use once and then throw away. He really hadn’t been meant to live beyond following them through Athens.
Was it a good idea to bring him, then, knowing that he knew that? Maybe this was Jim deciding that if Newton could no longer help him and Perenelle couldn’t be trusted to, he might as well just die with a bang instead of a whimper? Committing suicide would be very out of character for Jim, who so far had repeatedly stressed that he wanted to live, but maybe he’d reached some tipping point. In which case, shouldn’t they have left him behind? Or was it better, knowing he was going to die, to just let him get on with it?
She would probably have kept turning this over in her mind all the way to the ship, except that they didn’t quite make it. The Scorpio II had continued to drift, and their cable wasn’t quite long enough to make it. They were less than a dozen yards away when it ran out.
Nat pulled out her phone. She didn’t have much battery left but she texted Sharon anyway.
We need more cable, she said.
The reply came back: there isn’t any more. The light from the stone is getting redder by the way.
Nat looked up, and Jim and Perenelle followed her gaze. The glow from the philosopher’s stone was easily visible, now forming a halo over the city instead of a single beam – the rest of the Palazzo De Corallo must have fallen down. It was pinkish in colour. Nat remembered Perenelle saying that it was impossible to turn off a star… stars turned red before they exploded, didn’t they?
“Tell them to feed it something,” said Perenelle. “Anything. Now would be a good time to drive a car in. Just keep it under control.”
Nat handed her the phone. “Find a solution,” she ordered Perenelle, and stood up.
“You’re gonna swim?” asked Jim.
“Yep,” she said. “The pulleys from the lifeboats are still hanging… grab one of the ropes when it gets close enough and let the ship tow you towards shore. I’ll get as close as possible so we’ll have slack cable.” After getting it on board, they would still have to reach the ship’s generators to wire it up.
“Shouldn’t I be the one to go?” Jim asked. “I mean, this is gonna be dangerous, and…”
Nat glared at him.
“I’m not trying to be chivalrous!” he said. “I’m just saying, from a practical point of view, I seal back up if I get hurt so shouldn’t I be the one doing the dangerous stuff?”
“Can you steer a boat?” asked Natasha.
“No, but neither could he!” Jim pointed back at the shore, meaning Clint.
Nat just kicked her shoes off and dived in.
The water was warm – the Mediterranean always was – and salty. She spat out her accidental mouthful and swam to where one of the lifeboats had been lowered. The end of the rope was within reach. Nat grabbed it, and shimmied back up to the Promenade Deck. From there it was only a short run to the bridge, at the far end of the ship.
She was nearly there when she realized she wasn’t alone. There was a man sitting in one of the deck chairs next to the pool, staring up at the sky. Who was that? The passengers should have all evacuated and as far as they knew, the rest of the crew had bailed out on the way. A possibility occurred to her, and despite the need to hurry, Nat couldn’t quite stop herself from coming closer to see.
Sure enough, it was a homunculus. This one was short-haired, and dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. Perenelle had said there were four on the ship – they’d thrown one overboard and fought off another, and Newton himself had destroyed the third. This was the fourth, the last one that might be a threat to them, but at the moment he didn’t look like a threat to anybody. He was just lying there, as if he were asleep with his eyes open. There was nothing to indicate that he’d been there all night, but there was nothing to indicate that he hadn’t.
“Are you okay?” asked Natasha.
He blinked, and then sat up to look at her.
Natasha knew she probably shouldn’t worry about him, but knowing that the homunculi were people, she couldn’t just leave him sitting there.
“You should get off this boat,” she said.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because it’s going to sink,” Nat replied, though she wondered… did it matter? Like any of them, this one would only live for a couple of weeks.
The homunculus shook his head. “My job was to keep Perenelle Flamel and the CAAP from leaving this ship, and I already failed at that. Newton told me if I failed, I should stop and wait for further orders.”
“You’re not going to get any,” she told him. “Newton is dead.”
The homunculus’ eyes widened, startled. “He is?”
“Yes,” said Nat. “He grabbed one of the pipes leading to the philosopher’s stone and turned to gold. He doesn’t have any more orders for you. You’re free.”
“Free?” He stared at her as if he didn’t know what the word meant, and shook his head. “No, he said if anything happened to him, I had to finish what he started.” The homunculus stood up. “What did you do with the philosopher’s stone?”
Natasha’s mind raced. Newton hadn’t seemed to believe that homunculi could really be self-aware, despite what he’d had his duplicate tell them… but he must have been worried about it, because he’d taken steps to make sure this one wouldn’t wander off when his job was done. What should she tell him? If she told him the stone still existed, he might take steps to protect him. If she told him it was gone, there was no telling what he might do.
There was no time to lie, either. Now that the homunculus was paying attention to his surroundings again, he could see the red glow hanging over Naples. He moved towards the railing, and Natasha grabbed his arm, twisting his wrist so he couldn’t keep going without pain.
“You don’t have to do what Newton told you,” she said. “Perenelle might be able to help you.”
“I don’t need help,” said the homunculus, and with his other arm, he swung at her face.
Nat ducked under the blow and flipped him over her back, dislocating his shoulder in the process. He fell into a stack of deck chairs, landing hard, but not hard enough to do him any damage that would stick. As he got up, he stretched his arm and the bone popped back into place, grabbed a folded chair, and ran at him again.
She vaulted up onto the poolside bar and kicked the blow aside. “We don’t have time for this!” she protested. Why hadn’t she just left him there?
“He told me to finish what he started!” the homunculus said. “He said it was the only thing that mattered!” He threw the chair aside and climbed up to get her.
She yanked a keg handle, spraying him in the face with beer. “Did he tell you why?” Jim was reasonable. Hopefully this one was, too.
The homunculus staggered back, sputtering, then grabbed a bottle of wine from the counter and broke it to make a weapon. “Yes,” he said. “And if he’s dead, then it’s up to me.”
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“So I ask you to do me a favor. Suburban women: will you please like me? Please. Please. I saved your damn neighborhood, OK? The other thing: I don’t have that much time to be that nice. You know, I can do it, but I gotta go quickly.” — President Donald J. Trump
Welcome to the Countdown Journal. There are 20 days until Election Day and then 78 until the Inauguration.
Let’s start with this: The president retweeted a story suggesting that Barack Obama had Seal Team 6 murdered. And it hardly made a ripple in the news cycle, three weeks before the election.
As Bill Kristol notes in this morning’s Bulwark, “Deviancy has been defined so far down that President Donald Trump’s retweet at mid-day Tuesday was barely noticed.”
After all, what’s new? And who cares?
So what if the president of the United States brought to prominence an insane conspiracy theory that his predecessor, Barack Obama, arranged for four Americans to be killed at Benghazi to cover up an even bigger intentional blood-sacrifice of Navy SEALs—which in turn covered up the fact that Osama Bin Laden was still alive. Since it was a body-double who was in fact killed in 2011.
Or at least I think that’s the story Trump was amplifying. You’ll forgive me if I got some twists in the plot wrong.
Anyway, what’s the big deal? It’s just Trump being Trump. The important things were happening elsewhere, in the back and forth between Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett and various senators on Capitol Hill. That’s what serious conservatives were focused on. That’s what’s going to make a difference. If crazy tweets are the price we pay for an originalist justice, these people tell us, then it’s well worth it.
Speaking of crazy. Olivia Nuzzi reports that America’s Mayor “was in Philadelphia sounding like Livia Soprano.”
After claiming that Democrats used the pandemic to take away gun rights, which did not happen, he mentioned the McCloskeys, the couple who wielded guns on the porch of their St. Louis mansion in front of Black Lives Matter demonstrators who were passing by. Giuliani claimed, falsely, that the protesters had yelled, “ ’We want to rape your wife! We want to rape your wife! We want this for reparations! This is number one for reparations! Biggest house here! Reparations!’” He added, “Nobody knows this, but at the time, their daughter was upstairs under the bed because she was afraid they’re going to come in and they’re talking about rape and they’re going to rape the wife and they’re going to find the daughter.”
None of that was true.
And now we learn that Trump has chosen Rudy and Jay Sekulow to run his post-election operation. What could possibly go wrong?
How is Trump’s final act playing with women? Not well, apparently.
A reporter from the Economist who watched the focus group:
Easy questions. On balance, Amy Coney Barrett is doing as well as could be expected in the kabuki-theater hearings over her nomination. Senators bloviate and ask questions she won’t answer. She doesn’t use notes. We know how it ends.
But the thing about easy questions is that they are easy.
Questions like: Can the president unilaterally move the date of the election? The easy answer is no, he can’t. That requires an act of congress. It’s the law.
ACB’s answer:
“Well, Senator, if that question ever came before me, I’d need to hear arguments from the litigants and read briefs and consult with my law clerks and talk to my colleagues and go through the opinion-writing process,” she said. “So, you know, if I give off the cuff answers, then I would be basically a legal pundit, and I don’t think we want judges to be legal pundits. I think we want judges to approach cases thoughtfully and with an open mind.”
Here’s another one.
I’m not not a lawyer, but shouldn’t a constitutional “originalist” believe that the constitution requires a peaceful transfer of power? And that the founders kind of thought it was important? When did that become “political controversy”?
And, then there was this question about voter intimidation. “Sen. Amy Klobuchar brought up efforts by President Trump to get his supporters to the polls to observe voting activity and asked Judge Amy Coney Barrett if under federal law it is illegal to intimidate voters at the polls. “
“I can’t characterize the facts in a hypothetical situation, and I can’t apply the law to a hypothetical set of facts.”
She continued: “I can only decide cases as they come to me litigated by parties on a full record after fully engaging precedent, talking to colleagues, writing an opinion, and so I can’t answer questions like that.”
Easy answer: it is against the law to intimidate voters, and as a judge I believe in upholding the law.
Why is this so hard? (And, yes, that is a rhetorical question.)
Well, how about that. Biden says that he is “not a fan of court packing.”
“I’ve already spoken on — I’m not a fan of court packing, but I don’t want to get off on that whole issue. I want to keep focused,” the 2020 Democratic presidential nominee said in an interview with Cincinnati’s WKRC.
We are now free to get back to Hillary’s emails.
Not with a bang or even a whimper. “‘Unmasking’ probe commissioned by Barr concludes without charges or any public report.”
Or, as Tim Miller puts it in today’s Bulwark, “Another ‘Deep State’ non-scandal goes down the memory hole.”
Guess we can close the file on that one.
William Barr has quietly ended the probe into the supposed “unmasking” scandal which was only opened as fan service for Republican elected officials and conservative media in the first place. (Trump had suggested to Maria Bartiromo that the perpetrators be given 50 year sentences on Fox.)
I suspect that Barr had hoped that maybe, with a little luck, his investigation might snare somebody in some tangential wrongdoing. Or be able to do some strategic leaking. Or at least keep the issue open until after the election.
Alas, the president’s lawyer daddy struck out. Again. Thus bringing to a close a matter that—in a saner world—would have been the stupidest fake scandal in decade.
Romney sort of goes there. I blame myself a bit for this, because the other day I highlighted Keith Olbermann’s deranged rant. But I was just taking a cheap shot, not attempting to weigh the comparative insanity of the two sides of our political divide.
Which brings me to Romney, who put this out yesterday:
My thoughts on the current state of our politics:
This is good, sort of. This is the strongest denunciation of Trump’s toxic crackpottery from any Republican. (It may be the only one?) But what caught the most attention was Romney’s suggestions that there was some rough moral equivalency between comments by the president of the United States and a washed up sports guy on a YouTube video.
Both were bad. One has the nuclear codes.
So, unfortunately, this falls into the category of:Meant Well, But Actually Missed the Point.
Mitt Romney doesn’t want that to be his epitaph.
A final off-ramp for the GOP establishment?
As I mentioned on yesterday’s podcast, Politico’s Tim Alberta suggests that the GOP might still break with Trump… after the election. If the election is a blowout, he writes, “and Trump is flinging wild accusations about wide-scale fraud and deep-state conspiracies to take him down, Republicans will be forced to choose a side.
“They will either stand with a battered soon-to-be-former president whose days in office are numbered whether he likes it or not, or they will stand with the democratic norms that have guided the nation for 244 years.”
I suspect that he’s at least partly right. Some members of the GOP Old Guard might be willing to tell Trump to go. But Ted Cruz? Josh Hawley? Marco Rubio? Nikki Haley? Lindsey Graham? Forget about it.
Instead, backing Trump is more likely to become the new litmus test of tribal loyalty.
Foxconn turns out to be a massive boondoggle. Who knew?
Oh wait.
Something for the bedwetters. We’ve seen way too much hope and optimism lately, so I wanted to pass on this piece from Thomas Edsall, who warns that Biden is not yet out of the woods.
Here are some of the things causing anxiety among Democratic partisans, particularly political professionals.
One way to measure voter enthusiasm is to compare voter registration trends for each party. A Democratic strategist who closely follows the data on a day-to-day basis wrote in a privately circulated newsletter:
Since last week, the share of white non-college over 30 registrations in the battleground states has increased by 10 points compared to September 2016, and the Democratic margin dropped 10 points to just 6 points. And there are serious signs of political engagement by white non-college voters who had not cast ballots in previous elections.
But, but, but… Biden is now leading in Florida, Pennsylvania, and Arizona and the Economist Forecast gives him a 91 percent chance of winning the election. The FiveThirty Forecast has Biden at 87 percent.
The RealClearPolitics average now puts Biden’s lead at 10 points.
There are 20 days to go.
Quick Hits
Ok, sorry about the downer item above. As an antidote, make sure you read this piece by Mona Charen in today’s Bulwark.
We devote a lot of mental energy to things that are going wrong or could go wrong. It’s human nature. As the sociobiologists teach us, our ancestors were not the ones who heard a rustling in the grass and figured, “Eh, it’s probably nothing.” We are descended from the ones who said “ What the hell was that? Could be a cobra. Better run the other way.” Vigilance is our default mode.
But seven months after the start of this plague, we shouldn’t lose sight of the things that went more right than we expected for two reasons: 1) gratitude is good for the spirit and the soul, and 2) we must guard against catastrophizing.
Nicholas Grossman in today’s Bulwark:
Leaders, especially in law enforcement positions, can counter the president’s effort to stir up voter intimidation by making it clear they’ll prosecute election-related crimes, as Nevada Attorney General Aaron D. Ford did after the debate.
Police should prepare for the possibility of armed intimidation at polling places. And concerned citizens should prepare for the unlikely, but not impossible, scenario in which some police are overwhelmed — or choose to look the other way — by being ready to calmly, peacefully escort any intimidated voters into polling places.
Georgetown Law’s Institute for Constitutional Advocacy and Protection recommends documenting what you see—if uniformed militia show up, photograph or take note of any insignias—and offers fact sheets on the relevant laws in 50 states, which you can find here.
Cheap Shots
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Deep Thoughts
Josh Kraushaar in the National Journal:
Republicans are now bracing for a punishing Election Night, resigned to losing the presidency, alarmed that Democrats will pad their House majority, and growing increasingly concerned that Chuck Schumer will be the next Senate majority leader. Most are hoping for a mere blue-wave election, rather than a potential tsunami that would wipe out some GOP members of Congress in reliably red states and districts. “He’s losing older Republicans over COVID,” said one alarmed senior Republican strategist. “They take their health seriously, and they see the nonsense out of the White House and it’s off-putting.”
So today’s column is something of a scorecard that will indicate just how bad the Election Night environment will be for Republicans. These are all races that, in normal times, should be fairly safe seats for the Republican Party. But they’re shaping up to be uncomfortably close. If Democrats win even one of these four races, it’s a sign of a big blue political wipeout.
A Tsunami of Trumpian Crazy
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This is hella creative
1. Soldier, Poet, King/ Choke/ I'll Sleep When I'm Dead (no shit it's 12:53am)/ Helena/ Taking Care Of Things/ Somewhere In Neverland
2. Shit. Idk! I'd love to meet multiple people. I mean I love the whole of MCR, but that's like 5 people. I know I act like such a 15 year old girl but tbh I'd love to meet Dan and Phil... Would you call 11 years a phase?
3. "The X Files", "Gary tells me you have security clearance?"
4. How everything and everybody I love will die one day
5. "Roses are red, Your eyes are nice, He didn't have ice cubes so he put vanilla ice" I literally couldn't ask for a better poem
6. It doesn't have phobia in the title but I have misanthropy and it's an automatic strong dislike to people.
7. Wiccan
8. Dying inside or going home
9. It's not that complex, it's easily MCR.
10. "I'm not going to get up and go into a whole other room just because you forgot to check the toilet paper roll" that was in text form but it still works
11. Ehhh, not really. Idk. I hope it exists
12. Don't have one-
13. My greatest weakness is something I don't want to say anything more about except that I'm a little. My greatest strength is my great ability to mask myself and my feelings, for example, I'm autistic but you could never tell.
14. Who are we kidding? Nicki Minaj is hot
15. I cry and listen to Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough For The Both Of Us on repeat
16. You have no idea how much band merch I have
17. Sometimes I am. I know I could always be someone better, but I gotta learn to be comfortable with something I tried my hardest with: me.
18. Ok I have no sound I love except for rock/ punk/ emo music. I have misophonia meaning there's a specific sound that I hate, it can cause meltdowns and I have no control over myself. It's at a specific time, so if I'm feeling upset my misophonia kicks in and I absolutely HATE any human noise made. I do hate all human noises all the time but when I'm upset it's when I'll start shaking, crying, puking and pulling my hair out.
19. What if we could run away to neverland and have no worries
20. I'll just say I want to believe.
21. The air. I'm literally in my bed
22. Nothing, but whenever my ef comes into my room they can smell rice bubbles and apparently I smell like rice bubbles. My sibling says the exact same thing.
23. Ohio
24. Troye Sivan is so cute ahdbdhdvfj
25. Live your truth, food and sex. Tbh I am panromantic but I'm also lesbian meaning you know what
26. I don't drive because it was suggested I don't because of my height. It was just a guideline, like how 1% of people follow PG 13+
27. Fucking Star Wars. I've literally been forced. I've learnt the whole bee movie script in morse code.
28. I cracked my head open when a kid in 4th grade picked me up then dropped me after saying us shorties need to stick together. They were 6 inches taller than me.
29. Fuck there isn't one
30. Would you call a true rumour a rumour? If so then yes.
31. Nope. For example;
32. Cancer
33. It may or may have not been tea
34. uhh both?
35. Yes, I mentioned my ef before. (ef means enbyfriend)
36. I'm very guilty, I may have dated 32 people exactly..
37. I don't have one, I'm literally the least talented person
38. In Scotland
39. Writing in this
40. Kinda? I'm good at telling lies that I've told myself and I don't wanna put up with being able to tell every single lie they say
41. Call for anyone on the sidewalk to watch and make sure the dog is ok while I call a service and literally sprint when I see them coming.
42. A, no I would only tell my ef, Blayde, Taylor, Julie and Angel. I want everybody else to think of how they were too late to tell me they cared. B, I would spend them with my ef and siblings. C, No because I never expected to live later than 18 years old and I was never scared of death, my existential crises covered that.
43. Woah. Hold your fuckin horses mate. I'm literally listening to Runaway Train at the moment. I guess Sweater Weather?
44. Consent, love, listening and communication
45. Ya can't uneless you're Jakson
46. I actually did go insane once, I went to a mental hospital and it's not like the movies. It doesn't have padding and you don't have cellmates. I guess insanity did bring out creativity in me, I painted a lot and said that I can lie easily in words but I'd never lie in art and sign language.
47. Following Dan's guide to stalk your idol until they notice you.
48. "I wasn't wrong when I thought I was going to die before I'm 18." that may not be a very deep thought to you (I'm 18 at the moment) but it's true, because I'll never be the same person. I change as a person so often and one personality will never live to be older than 18.
49. An anatomical heart
50. Pastel purple, pastel pink, pastel blue and pitch black
51.
Don't look at me like that
52. Casey
53. "Do you have any life regrets?" is a question I'll never answer for anyone that knows me. Since nobody on here knows me, I regret life.
54. Selective invisibility
55. I would like to experience the first time I was told I matter. I wanna go back to 2011, I was 9 years old and I was told by a stranger on youtube that I mattered.
56. Well it would be the 14 years that my father never let me live in the house for
57. uH nO
58. I would go to Australia where it's safe
59. Uh yeah?
60. Nicki Minaj, Troye Sivan, tbh Dan pretty hot and so is Phil but they're not one person so just ignore that, ok I give up I'll admit Tom from svtfoe is hot and Bill (yes I know I find a triangular demon hot, your point?) Cipher from Gravity Falls is kinda hot 🥵
I feel like I know you better. You definitely know me better and if you've seen a glimpse of my instagram you'll feel like they're two completely different people.
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how operating systems went for me
the beginning
In the beginning, there was doubt. And fear. But mostly doubt, because I “sort of” knew C, and I could /kind of/ figure out page tables, and I took the prereq for the class, so it shouldn’t be that bad? Well, I was expecting it to be bad, but absolutely nothing worse than 046 right? because that was known to be the worst of CS at this school, so nothing could be worse than that....right?
Wrong. WRONG! First class I was like, ah you know, i know Linux. I’ve OPENED A FILE BEFORE. I know what a FILE DESCRIPTOR IS. (wrong. i truly did not know what a file descriptor was, in all of its essence.) If you read my Admissions post, you’d know that my life was in the process of being truly wrecked by my paper revisions, so I wasn’t able to start on the first lab until the weekend, and it took me around an hour to do the first exercise, which was really one solid line of code, and I was like well ok, there’s only like five exercises, shouldn’t be too bad.
WRONG AGAIN! the last exercise will forever be engraved in my brain as xargs because it took me and my friend K a solid TEN HOURS. to do the last exercise. JUST THE LAST ONE. It was the first time in maybe like a year I went to an office hours. I had never spent so long thinking about recursion in my life. I have really vivid memories of sitting at the rooftop garden with K at the poolside chairs near the Marriott staring back at the googz office, tear streaming down my face, as I thought ahead about whether I should drop the class early. (ok it wasn’t this dramatic, but I was definitely staring longingly at the coffee baristas through the window.)
And after we finished the lab, we thought, oh maybe this is just a poor learning curve. Maybe it gets better from here.
the crisis begins
*say it with me this time* WROOOOONG - we really thought the next lab would be better because it seemed like the last exercise of the last lab, but slightly expanded. but L o L! we had spent a solid five hours with no progress up until like 3am, when I lied in bed in the dark and panic emailed my advisor, asking to meet the next day. There is a calendar event in my calendar called Cry to John (john’s my advisor). I spent perhaps the entire next day up until my meeting at 4pm working on the lab, making a bit more progress after going to office hours. During my meeting, I relayed how hard the class had been so far, and whether I should drop it to the undergrad version of the class, and it got to the point where I was just like “but its just. SO HARD” and he replied “....it’s a grad class dude”
After I returned home, I consulted my head of house and he also suggested I either drop the class or drop it to the undergrad version. I really was like “lol my dude, I’m already only on 42 units, I can’t really just drop this class. it’s already like two and a half weeks into the semester.” So I ended up dropping it to undergrad status.
A few more late nights pulled because I *surprise* have OTHER CLASSES other than this one, and I still ended up staying up til nearly 3am the night before career fair finishing up the lab. A total of more than 20 hours spent on this lab, and I thought, maybe just maybe this would be the hardest lab.
And the next lab wasn’t too bad. I had spent a solid 12 hours on it, but got it done pretty efficiently. Unfortunately, it was still the time in the semester where I was doing like 1923819238 things and catching up with 1928319238 people, so it felt overwhelming, but wasn’t /that/ bad. so i thought things were turning up! I also met up with my old googz team at around this point and told them that it was a hell class, and they relayed their sympathies.
lazy_alloc
So was it in fact, getting better? WRONGGGGGG. the next lab was perhaps the WORST LAB OF THE ENTIRE CLASS. By this point, we had hit the first week of october, and I had deleted instagram off my phone in an attempt to better focus on classes. due to other things happening, like various house gov events, an 18.06 exam, and another pset, I was only able to put in around 6 hours of office hours time on this lab before Wednesday night, where K and I quickly realized that this shit was no joke, unlike the last lab. We had also met our other friend at office hours who would become the third member of our group chat kalloc==0 (iykyk), and we befriended her after including her in our sarcastic comments about lazy allocation. It was maybe four hours into an all-nighter that we went to Verdes, realized Verdes was closed, and proceeded to sit on the floor of the student center and yell about how hard this class was.
It was then like 5am, and I decided to sleep and wake up in the morning to look at it again. It was then 8:30 am, and then it was 12pm, and then it was 4pm, and I had mandatory class. My friend passed me in Stata and asked how i was, and i replied “look at me. LOOK AT ME”
It was then 6pm. I had spent 20 hours of the past 24 hours doing this lab. and the most extraordinary thing happened -- I got the OK. I cried. I weeped. I texted my friends and let them know I was alive. And I slept for a long time.
exam szn
Ok truly, things could not get that much worse after this right? WRONGGGGGG. the first exam was just around the corner! After maybe a week of rest, I started the grind, a painful realization that I knew nothing, I did not truly know what a page table was, I had no idea how a system call worked, and the throwing shit at the wall style of doing the labs was indeed going to catch up with me. It was the long weekend, but I was still studying 4-6 hours a day on top of everything else I was doing, and many nights in the student center were spent in sadness. I barely remember anything from this caffeine/adrenaline fueled week. And I got a whopping 40% on the exam! yay me
All I remember after the exam was crying from shock in Stata after the exam because it was so hard, eating too much at hot pot and nearly throwing up in the Uber, and almost punching a hole in the ceiling because I was so happy that my score was not single digits. I was actually so tired after a week of studying nonstop that I had to S^3 one of my other psets because I legitimately could not think nor read. My friend was then like why dont you just yeet to new york for a break, and i was like who in the right mind would do that??? and then i yeeted to new york (as you can read about in another post of mine). Truly an amazing decision because I really needed a break from that craziness. After that, the learning curve did chill a little. My life though? no, I went to Princeton for a hackathon, stayed up all night doing stuff for our party, and then managed to finish the very last lab of the class right before Thanksgiving break.
the finish line
This brings us to the last week of the semester, where I thank my lucky stars I dropped to the undergrad version of the class, because I watched K suffer through a whole week of all nighters for the final project, in which I definitely would have straight up had a mental breakdown, because that week was still somehow one of the worst weeks of the semester for me (two poster sessions, exam, two week pset). But luckily I was straight up j chilling until the final because i had finished the last lab before break.
obviously, this takes us to last week, which was our finals week, where I spent 40-50 hours over the course of a week just studying for this exam, which features a day where I had done a midterm from 9am-12pm and then proceeded to study from 2pm to 2am for this operating systems class, and I had had three cups of coffee, which I don’t strongly recommend as a life decision. But after much strife and anxiety, I had mustered out a 60/76 on the final exam, which I thought was a solid B, but much to my shock and my other friend’s delight (she checked my class grade for me), I actually somehow got an A after this shit of a class, despite not knowing how to use a pointer 3 months ago, despite trying to survive against grad students, despite having to pour 18239128983x energy into understanding lectures??? somehow. anyways, now i am absolutely sure I have gone through the worst thing you could ever go through in this school. if anything turns out to be harder than this, i’m pretty sure it’s not worth it lol
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Dead People From Kyauk Tan village in Rathedaung Township Tanken To Be Hidden By Myanmar Military Soldiers
Myanmar soldiers killed six detained civilians and wounded eight others early Thursday inside a school in a village in western Myanmar’s violence-wracked Rakhine state, as villagers tried to grab their guns in a coordinated attack, the government military said.
Government forces have been holding 275 civilians in Rathedaung township’s Kyauk Tan village since Tuesday to interrogate them about possible links to an alleged Arakan Army (AA) training camp.
Bridger General Zaw Min Tun, a military spokesman, said villagers attacked police and security forces who were conducting the investigations to determine if those held had ties to the AA, an ethnic Rakhine armed group that is battling Myanmar forces for greater autonomy in the state.
“Around 2 a.m. this morning, the villagers cheered and attacked police and military forces conducting the interrogations,” he said.
“They attempted to take guns from the security forces, so the security forces acted according to Section 131 of the Penal Code,“ he said. “They first verbally warned the crowd to disperse, then fired warning shots in the air. When they didn’t disperse and kept moving forward, the security forces fired shots as the last resort.”
At the time, Zaw Min Tun told RFA’s Myanmar Service that he did not have detailed information on the deaths and injuries from the incident, but an announcement by the military indicated that six villagers died, eight were wounded, and four were missing.
Following the shootings, the military surrounded the area with more than 300 troops, the announcement said.
Unconfirmed news reports said that as many as 10 villagers had been killed because some of those injured had died.
Responding to Zaw Min Tun’s comments, AA spokesman Khine Thukha dismissed the brigadier general’s version of events.
“His comments are senseless,” he said. “The security forces have kept the villagers in detention since April 30. Their detention site was heavily guarded by the security forces, so how could they be cheering and attacking them?”
“We think this is a plot made up by the Myanmar military to cover up their atrocities against the villagers,” he said.
A woman from Kyauk Tan village, who requested anonymity due to fear of retaliation, told RFA that she heard about 20 shots coming from the school.
“I heard the shooting at the school around 2 a.m.,” she said. “It was around 20 shots. No one dared to go out to look. The soldiers had completely surrounded the village.”
When residents later went to the school, soldiers prevented them from removing the bodies of the dead and taking the injured for treatment, she said.
“After a while, they gave the list of dead villagers to the village head and asked him to inform the families,” the woman said.
An impossible scenario
The eight injured civilians were taken to Sittwe General Hospital in Rakhine’s capital Sittwe in the afternoon, but the bodies of the deceased remained inside the school until evening, when soldiers told villagers they could collect them, villagers said.
The Myanmar military announced Wednesday that its troops had captured a temporary AA training camp in the mountains on April 28 and had started interrogating Kyauk Tan village residents two days later.
The soldiers detained the villagers in the local schoolhouse when they received information that AA forces were retreating from the captured training camp and taking shelter in Kyauk Tan village.
The announcement said army officials checked the family registration records of the 477 families living in the village, and decided to detain and question 275 males between 15 and 50 years old.
AA spokesman Khine Thukha denied that the Myanmar Army had seized the training camp and that AA soldiers had taken refuge in Kyauk Tan village.
The Arakan National Party (ANP), the state’s predominant political party representing the interests of Buddhist Rakhines, sent a written appeal on Thursday to President Win Myint, State Counselor Aung San Suu Kyi, military commander-in-chief Min Aung Hlaing, and the Myanmar Human Rights Commission, to take action against the shooters and to end attacks by government soldiers in Rakhine state.
“We sent this letter to inform, complain, and appeal to the government to take action to protect the lives of civilians by preventing further tragedies involving them, especially children, the elderly, and women,” said Tun Aung Kyaw, general secretary of the ANP.
The letter also alleged that Myanmar forces questioning the detained boys and men had concocted the story about a coordinated attack by villagers as a pretext for shooting some of them, he said.
“We have some of our party members in this village,” Tun Aung Kyaw said. “According to their account, the accusation that villagers tried to take the guns is impossible because they have been heavily guarded while being detained and denied food and water. Our allegation in the letter is based on the villagers’ claim that it was not possible for them to attack the security forces.”
Offering a different, unconfirmed account of what led to the shooting, Rakhine state lawmaker U Than Naing of Rathedaung township said the shootings occurred when a mentally ill detainee started yelling.
When reached by RFA later, Zaw Min Tun repeated his earlier statement that soldiers had fired on the villagers as a last resort and denied that the detainees were being deprived of food and water.
“With regard to accusations that the detainees were denied food and water, I have confirmed with officials from the police force and security forces on the ground that they are wrong,” he said. “Because they [the detainees] are only suspects, we have provided food and water accordingly.”
Injured people from Kyauk Tan village in Rathedaung township are carried on stretchers as they arrive in Sittwe, capital of western Myanmar’s Rakhine state, May 2, 2019.Credit: AFP
Preventing ‘unwanted confusion’U Than Naing, Kyauk Tan village elders, members of civil society organizations, and staff from the International Committee of the Red Cross went to the schoolhouse earlier to collect the bodies of the dead villagers, but were turned away, he said.
“We had just arrived at the entrance of the village,” he said. “We were not allowed to remove the bodies of the deceased villagers.”
Zaw Min Tun told RFA that Myanmar forces had stopped them for security reasons, but said they would be allowed to enter the village once the interrogations ended.
“They are trying to maintain stability to avoid confusion while they are issuing warnings and trying to disperse the crowd,” he said of the security personnel. “When they finish the announcements and interrogations, they will allow the aid groups to come in.”
“The military troops usually have a paramedic with them,” he added. “[The] paramedic from the unit is treating those who were injured. The aid groups have not been allowed to visit the scene for now to prevent unwanted confusion.”
The shooting incident comes on the heels of the deaths in custody of three other detainees who were taken away for questioning by Myanmar soldiers along with two dozen others from Letka village in Mrauk-U township, center of much of the fighting that has raged since January between the government army and the AA. The men were suspected of supporting the Arakan fighters.
Their deaths have raised suspicions of torture, bereaved relatives and local lawmakers told RFA a week ago.
The Myanmar Army is not the only one rounding up villagers, however.
The AA abducted more than 50 ethnic Chin villagers from Paletwa township in western Myanmar’s Chin state during a February clash with government soldiers that spilled over from the armed conflict in adjacent Rakhine state.
The AA has said that it took the civilians to a safe place after an attack by Myanmar forces prompted them to hide in a forest.
Fighting between the Myanmar Army and the AA has displaced nearly 33,000 civilians in central and northern Rakhine state and northern Chin state since hostilities escalated in November 2018, according to the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA). Others have been injured or killed.
Phil Robertson, deputy Asia director of New York-based Human Rights Watch, said the latest detentions and shootings of civilians in the Rakhine conflict are nothing new.
“The Tatmadaw [Myanmar military] is well known for targeting civilians when it conducts war against insurgents, and this looks like a continuation of that horrific rights-violating practice.”
“Human Rights Watch and other organizations have repeatedly documented Myanmar troops using torture and even committing extrajudicial executions while interrogating persons they suspect to be members of insurgent groups, so there is every reason to suspect these incidents fall into the same pattern of behavior,” he said.
Letka villagers transferred
In a related development, Myanmar forces transferred the detained Letka villagers to Mrauk-U where they are being held in a police station in Sittwe, but did not clear them of any charges, their relatives and a military spokesman said Thursday.
“The police haven’t called us to go and see the detainees,’ said Khine Hla Sein, wife of one of the men being held. “We can only go and see them after they call us.”
“All villagers, including my husband, have no connection to the AA,” she added.
The detainees’ family members, who are staying at a monastery in Mrauk-U’s Pyipinyin village, said they are afraid to return home because two military units are now deployed there.
It is not clear, however, if all 24 have been handed over to Mrauk-U police.
“We knew they would be transferred to police today, but we don’t know the details,” said Brigadier General Win Zaw Oo, spokesman for the military’s Western Regional Command, which is responsible for Rakhine state. “We don’t know if all 24 people will be transferred or not.”
It is also unclear which offenses the villagers will being charged with.
“Twenty-four detained people are at No. 1 Police Station in Sittwe now, but we still don’t know what they will be charged with,” said Agga Wuntha, head monk of the monastery where the families are staying.
Rakhine state police chief Kyi Lin told RFA that the villagers have been transferred, but would not go into details.
“It is correct they have been transferred,” he said. “If you want to know the details, please come to see me, because I won’t give them over the phone. I will explain to you about it if you ask me in person because I am concerned about [you] getting the wrong information.”
RFA was unable to reach Brigadier General Zaw Min Tun for comment, and Police Colonel Lin Htut from the Rakhine State Police Force said he did not know about the matter.
Yu Lwin Aung from the Myanmar Human Rights Commission said it is a human rights violation for the military to arrest villagers and shoot them.
“Even if the military arrests and questions AA members who are pretending to be villagers, it is a violation of human rights if those people are shot,” he said. “It is also a violation of human rights to shoot prisoners of war.”
“But it is difficult to blame the military for shooting those people without knowing the actual situation on the ground,” he said.
Maung Maung Lay, a member of the group Human Rights Defenders and Promoters, agreed.
“From a human rights point of view, their human rights have been violated,” he said. “All related parties and organizations that are detaining these villagers, and the government, are responsible for this situation. This is a terrible human rights violation.”
Reported by Khin Khin Ei and Wai Mar Tun for RFA’s Myanmar Service Translated by Ye Kaung Myint Maung and Khet Mar. Written in E
Myanmar Army Kills Six Detained Rakhine Villagers And Offers ‘Impossible’ Explanation Dead People From Kyauk Tan village in Rathedaung Township Tanken To Be Hidden By Myanmar Military Soldiers…
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Answer them all
I should have seen this coming, in retrospect
1. What’s your middle name?
Caroline
2. What are you listening to right now?
As per the last ask; The Violence by Rise Against
3. What was the last thing you ate?
A candy hug (I haven’t had breakfast yet)
4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My Dad
5. Do you drink?
Occasionally, but not heavily
6. Do you smoke?
Gd no
7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone?
Their excitement about whatever it is they’re talking about
8. What is your hair color?
Brown
9. What is your eye color?
Hazel
10. Do you wear contacts/glasses?
Yup
11. Dogs or cats?
Neither
12. What’s your favorite animal?
Living? Orca whale. Extinct? Maiasaura
13. What’s your favorite television show?
Orphan Black
14. What’s your favorite movie?
Jurassic Park
15. What’s your favorite band/singer?
Rise Against
16. How old are you?
24
17. Do you have a crush on anyone?
Since I’m in a fairly serious long term romantic relationship, I dare say I do
18. What’s your sexual orientation?
Pansexual
19. What’s your favorite color?
Aqua
20. What was your most embarrassing moment?
As per the first ask:
At one point I was trying to get Max ( @plokool) to get a new hobby and I wanted to talk about putting ships into bottles
What I said was “putting jars into bottles”
At any rate, Max still makes fun of me for that
21. Do you ever wish you were someone else?
All the time, to be honest :/
22. What were you like when you were a kid?
Quiet, I read a lot; very much a know-it-all; got bullied a shitton
23. What would your dream house be like?
Small, with lots of books and birds; and lots of windows so I can look outside
24. What last made you laugh?
Max saying something cute
25. What is your favorite word?
Compassion
26. What is your least favorite word?
Oligarchy. I don’t know why
27. What turns you on?
As per the first ask: Kindness, empathy/sympathy, passion about one’s hobbies, getting excited about things, being nerdy; some physical attributes
28. What turns you off?
As per the first ask: Cruelty, a lack of willingness to understand, an inability to modify one’s opinions, willful ignorance; not listening to me when I talk
29. What is your star sign?
Leo
30. What are your favorite books?
Harry Potter (the whole series); Pillars of the Earth; Ishmael/My Ishmael by Daniel Quinn
31. Do you have any siblings?
5 (4 older sisters, 1 little brother)
32. Do you like to dance?
Eh, not really
33. What is your definition of cheating?
Doing something romantic or sexual in nature with someone other than your partner, and you have not agreed to an open or polygamous relationship with them. Having feelings for someone else, but not acting on them, doesn’t count. You can’t help feelings.
34. Have you ever cheated on someone?
No
35. Do you regret anything?
Tons of shit. Lots of things.
36. Do you have any phobias?
Spiders
37. Ever broken any bones?
Nope
38. Ever come close to death?
Yeah
39. What is your religion, if any?
I was raised Catholic. I am currently not Catholic, and am converting to Judaism through the reform movement.
40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?
Yeah, since my freshman year of high school
41. Are looks important in a relationship?
Eh, they’re important in initial attraction, but not really after that point
42. Are you more like your mom or your dad?
I like to think I’m an even mix of both
43. What is your favorite season?
Fall
44. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope
45. Do you have any piercings?
Earlobes
46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
Just the two
47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
All the fucking time
48. Who is your celebrity crush?
None?
49. Are you a virgin?
Nope
50. Do you get jealous easily?
Eh, only of people who’s lives I wish I had, not of like, friends of Max’s or anything
51. What is your favorite type of food?
Italian
52. Do you ever want to get married?
I’m iffy on the concept but Max and I are eventually going to get married, yes
53. Who was your first kiss with?
My first boyfriend
54. Have you ever been cheated on?
As per the first ask: Probably? The first person I dated was a chicken who refused to break up with me even though they wanted to be with someone else, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they cheated on me before breaking up with me.
55. What is your idea of the perfect date?
Going to the Field Museum or some equivalent and spending the whole day together looking at fossils :D Alternatively, the zoo, but looking at birds
56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
I honestly have no idea. I need alone time to “recharge,” but too much alone time makes me ridiculously depressed, so both I guess.
57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?
Decidedly.
58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?
Eh, I don’t think we’re really born with talents. People may have more of a propensity for this or that, but in the end it’s all about what you stick with.
I wish I had stuck with piano playing more, or with drawing, but I didn’t, which is my own fault.
59. What is your saddest memory?
Some stuff that happened to me in High School. Or another, equally terrible event in college. I don’t want to bum everyone out about it.
60. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Gd no. Lust yes, but not love.
61. Do you believe in soul mates?
A part of me does
62. Have you ever dyed your hair?
I dyed the end of it blue last summer! I kind of want to do that again sometime
63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
A lot in high school, sadly
64. Would you go against your moral code for money?
Right now, given money is very tight, probably :/ But otherwise no
65. What are three things most people don’t know about you?
- I fucking love trigonometry - I enjoy reading the Foxtrot series of comics - I have an unfortunate caffeine addiction
66. Who are you jealous of?
As per the first ask, Various internet personalities who are actually making decent money from their work in science communication; actual paleontologists
67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?
Too many of them. I have an addiction to stuffed animals
68. How long was your longest relationship?
Max and I have been together for over four years now
69. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Half full
70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?
I feel like the correct answer is not appropriate for this blog; buuuut honestly just taking an interest and listening to me when I talk about the things I enjoy and am excited about? is a PG answer I suppose
71. Who is your most loyal friend?
Probably Max? But also my friend Sara, whom I’ve known since the sixth grade. We went to different high schools and colleges but we’re still best friends.
72. Are you in a relationship?
Yup
73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?
How excited he gets when he talks about his hobbies
74. Are you a bad person?
I like to think I’m not
75. Are you a lover or a fighter?
Lover
76. What did you do on your last birthday?
Went to the zoo with friends!
77. What is your favorite quote and why?
“Nothing in Biology Makes Sense Except in the Light of Evolution” ~ Theodosius Dobzhansky
78. If your best friend died, what would you do?
Oh gd. Since my best friend is Max, I don’t really want to think about it. It wouldn’t be good.
79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
How I handled my mental illnesses.
80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?
Spend it with Max
81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?
I once had a very long and elaborate set of dreams in which I angered the Capitol and as such had to design a Hunger Games in which all my loved ones were the competitors. It went on for like, a week, and spawned various inside jokes, as @a-sleepy-dinosaur can testify
82. Are you happier single or in a relationship?
I’m happy in my relationship
83. Who were you in a past life?
Probably some sort of bird
84. What is your happiest childhood memory?
Watching dinosaur documentaries with my mom
85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?
All the bleeping time
86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
Yup!
87. If you were the president, what would you do?
Prioritize science & environmentally friendly policies
88. What is your ideal career?
Honestly? I’d like to be the bird/feather-evolution equivalent of Neil Shubin, if possible
89. What is your political affiliation?
Generally liberal. Most of my opinions are similar to that of Bernie Sanders. But I hesitate to call myself a Democrat.
90. Are you conservative or liberal?
Liberal
91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?
This is a very stupid question given trans individuals and the fact that gender =/= biological attributes.
92. Do you like kissing in public?
Definitely!
93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?
Make people better able to consider the humanity of those not in their in-group
94. Where would you like to live?
Edinburgh
95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?
Scotland XD
96. Describe yourself in one word.
As per the first ask, Tenacious
97. Describe yourself in one sentence.
As per the first ask:
(I know this is a double negative but it’s a stronger statement than doing the positive equivalent)
There has never been a subject I didn’t want to explore to it’s completion.
And I guess I won’t answer any more of these xD
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I ask you to answer 1-100 go!
1. What's your middle name, and do you like it?
It's Inkeri. I don't really have any strong feelings about it
2. are you artistic?
nooo. the most artistic thing I can kinda do is makeup.
3. Have you had your first kiss?
yes
4. What is your life goal?
to be in a situation where I don't have to stress about money
5. Do you have any expieriences with a famous person?
I met Vic Fuentes when I was queuing for their gig in 2013. It was freezing cold so he couldn't take photos with us all but he took one group photo and posted it on his instagram.
6. Do you play any sports?
nope
7. What's your worst fear?
idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
8. Who's your biggest inspiration?
is it wrong if I say Harry Styles
9. Do you have any cool talents?
well I can sit on the couch for two days straight without doing anything special, if that counts
10. are you a morning person?
hell no. I can wake up early if I have to but I prefer not to.
11. How do you feel about pet names?
they're okay I guess
12. Do you like to read?
I do though I've been in a reading slump for a while
13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.
Queer as Folk, Supernatural, Skam, Charmed, Moomins...
14. Do you care about your follower count?
not that much anymore
15. What's the best dream you've had?
the one where I had my life figured out
16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?
yes
17. Do you have any pets?
nope
18. Are you religious?
no
19. Are you a people person?
definitely no
20. Are you considered popular?
no
21. What is one of your bad habits?
overthinking
22. What's something that makes you feel vulnerable
not knowing simple things
23. What would you name your children?
idk some cool name
24. Who's your celebrity crush?
atm it's Cody Rhodes
25. What's your best subject?
//
26. Dogs or cats?
both, the more the merrier
27. most used social media besides tumblr?
twitter
28. best friends name
//
29. who does your main family consist of
Mom, dad, and a brother
30. Chocolate or sugar
both ofc
31. have you ever been on a date?
yes
32. Do you like rollercosters?
I don't have strong feelings
33. Can you swim?
yes
34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?
I'd like to say that I'd try to survive as long as possible but that might be a lie
35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder
yes
36. Are your parents together?
yes
37. What's your favourite colour?
Purple
38. What country are you from/do you live in?
Finland
39. Favourite singer?
There's too many to list
40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?
nope
41. Do you like dresses?
omg yess!!
42. Favourite song right now?
Kingdom by Downstait and Dust Into Diamonds by Lovex
43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
depends who I'm talking about it with
44. How old were you when you first got your period?
9 I think
45. Have you ever shot a gun?
no
46. Have you ever done yoga?
yes and I love it
47. Are you a horror girl?
no
48. Are you good at giving advice?
hehe no
49. Tell us a story about your childhood.
can't be bothered
50. How are you doing today?
good
51. Were you a cute kid?
probs, idk
52. Can you dance?
no
53. Is there anything you do that you can't remember ever not doing?
tumblr
54. Have you ever dyed your hair?
yes, I don't have purple hair naturally
55. What colour are your eyes?
green
56. What's your favourite animal?
any animal
57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?
too many times to count
58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
it's pretty good
59. Do you have good friends?
yes
60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?
well I'm pretty close with myself
61. What's your favourite class?
any class that ends before it's supposed to
62. List all the tv shows you are watching.
Criminal Minds, Supernatural, Code Black, Vikings, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Quantico, HTGAWM, Modern Family, Travelers
63. Are you organized?
I try to be
64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?
Kingsman and I looove it
67. Which tv character do you relate to most?
idk
68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?
anxiety and laziness
69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?
watching tv probably
70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?
eternal life sounds horrible so I'd find a way to die
71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?
go running or go to the gym
72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?
probs many thing
73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
yes
74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?
I don\t even remember cause it's been so long
75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?
safety
76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?
studying
77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
I didn't really have a dream job as a kid but I think I wanted to be a teacher at some point
78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?
what dreams
79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?
//
80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence
Study and graduate.
81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?
productive
82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?
As I already said, I'd try to find a way to die
83. How would you spend a billion dollars?
charity and kickstarters
84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?
past
85. What motivates you to succeed?
the fear of failure
86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?
idk I never remember my dreams that well
87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?
in the city
88. Do you believe in life after death
no
89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?
none
90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?
gardening with my parents
91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?
Louis Tomlinson
92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?
a very good pro wrestling match
93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?
that life isn't fair
94. What do you think happens after we die?
hopefully we just die and nothing happens
95. What would you do if you would be invisible?
I'd find out all the Larry secrets
96. What's something you can't do no matter how hard you try?
run a marathon
97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?
what kinda question is this
98. How did your first crush develop?
as if I remembered my first crush
99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?
Yeah, the feeling that I'm just a huge disappointment to all
100. Do you live or do you just exist?
do I exist. Am I real. No one knows
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For Her Head Cold, Insurer Coughed Up $25,865
Alexa Kasdan had a cold and a sore throat.
Send Us Your Medical Bill
Do you have an exorbitant or baffling medical bill? Join the KHN and NPR ‘Bill of the Month’ Club and tell us about your experience. We’ll feature a new one each month.
Submit Your Bill
The 40-year-old public policy consultant from Brooklyn, N.Y., didn’t want her upcoming vacation trip ruined by strep throat. So, after it had lingered for more than a week, she decided to get it checked out.
Kasdan visited her primary care physician, Dr. Roya Fathollahi, at Manhattan Specialty Care just off Park Avenue South, and not far from tony Gramercy Park.
The visit was quick. Kasdan got her throat swabbed, gave a tube of blood and was sent out the door with a prescription for antibiotics.
She soon felt better and the trip went off without a hitch.
Then the bill came.
Patient: Alexa Kasdan, 40, a public policy consultant in New York City, insured by Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Minnesota through her partner’s employer.
Total Bill: $28,395.50 for an out-of-network throat swab. Her insurer cut a check for $25,865.24.
Service Provider: Dr. Roya Fathollahi, Manhattan Specialty Care.
Medical Service: Lab tests to look at potential bacteria and viruses that could be related to Kasdan’s cough and sore throat.
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What Gives: When Kasdan got back from the overseas trip, she said, there were “several messages on my phone, and I have an email from the billing department at Dr. Fathollahi’s office.”
The news was her insurance company was mailing her family a check ― for more than $25,000 ― to cover some out-of-network lab tests. The actual bill was $28,395.50, but the doctor’s office said it would waive her portion of the bill: $2,530.26.
“I thought it was a mistake,” she said. “I thought maybe they meant $250. I couldn’t fathom in what universe I would go to a doctor for a strep throat culture and some antibiotics and I would end up with a $25,000 bill.”
The doctor’s office kept assuring Kasdan by phone and by email that the tests and charges were perfectly normal. The office sent a courier to her house to pick up the check.
How could a throat swab possibly cost that much? Let us count three reasons.
First, the doctor sent Kasdan’s throat swab for a sophisticated smorgasbord of DNA tests looking for viruses and bacteria that might explain Kasdan’s cold symptoms.
Dr. Ranit Mishori, a professor of family medicine at the Georgetown University School of Medicine, said such scrutiny was entirely unnecessary. There are cheap rapid tests for strep and influenza.
“In my 20 years of being a doctor, I’ve never ordered any of these tests, let alone seen any of my colleagues, students and other physicians, order anything like that in the outpatient setting,” she said. “I have no idea why they were ordered.”
The tests might conceivably make sense for a patient in the intensive care unit, or with a difficult case of pneumonia, Mishori said. The ones for influenza are potentially useful, since there are medicines that can help, but there’s a cheap rapid test that could have been used instead.
“There are about 250 viruses that cause the symptoms for the common cold, and even if you did know that there was virus A versus virus B, it would make no difference because there’s no treatment anyway,” she said.
(Kasdan’s lab results didn’t reveal the particular virus that was to blame for the cold. The results were all negative.)
Kasdan’s insurance company mailed her family a check for more than $25,000 to cover most of the lab tests, and the doctor’s office said it wouldn’t collect the leftover $2,530.26 from Kasdan. The insurer since has stopped payment on the check it issued and is investigating.(Shelby Knowles for KHN)
The second reason behind the high price is that the doctor sent the throat swab to an out-of-network lab for analysis. In-network labs settle on contract rates with insurers. But out-of-network labs can set their own prices for tests, and in this case the lab settled on list prices that are 20 times higher than average for other labs in the same ZIP code.
In this case, if the doctor had sent the throat swab off to LabCorp ― Kasdan’s in-network provider ― it would have billed her insurance company about $653 for “all the ordered tests, or an equivalent,” LabCorp told NPR.
The third reason for the high bill may be the connection between the lab and Kasdan’s doctor. Kasdan’s bill shows that the lab service was provided by Manhattan Gastroenterology, which has the same phone number and locations as her doctor’s office.
Manhattan Gastroenterology is registered as a professional corporation with the state of New York, which means it is owned by doctors. It may be the parent company of Manhattan Specialty Care, but that is not clear in its filings with the state.
Fathollahi, the Manhattan Specialty Care physician, didn’t respond to requests for comment. Neither did Dr. Shawn Khodadadian, listed in state records as the CEO of Manhattan Gastroenterology.
The pathologist listed on the insurance company’s “explanation of benefits” is Dr. Calvin L. Strand. He is listed in state records as the laboratory director at Manhattan Gastroenterology, as well as at Brookhaven Gastroenterology in East Patchogue, N.Y. We tried to reach him for comment, as well.
“I couldn't fathom in what universe I would go to a doctor for a strep throat culture and some antibiotics and I would end up with a $25,000 bill,” Kasdan says.(Shelby Knowles for KHN)
LabCorp, Kasdan’s in-network provider, said that they would have billed Kasdan’s insurance company about $653 for “all the ordered tests, or an equivalent.” (Shelby Knowles for KHN)
Even though Kasdan wasn’t stuck with this bill, practices like this run up the cost of medical care. Insurance companies base premiums on their expenses, and the more those rise the more participants have to pay.
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“She may not be paying anything on this particular claim,” said Richelle Marting, a lawyer who specializes in medical billing at the Forbes Law Group in Overland Park, Kan., who looked into this case for NPR. “But, overall, if the group’s claims and costs rise, all the employees and spouses paying into the health plan may eventually be paying for the cost of this.”
Marting said this is a common problem for insurance companies. Most claims processing is completely automated, she said. “There’s never a human set of eyes that look at the bill and decide whether or not it gets paid.”
Kasdan did pay her usual $25 copay for the office visit, and a $9.61 fee to LabCorp for a separate set of lab tests.
Resolution: “I made it very clear [to the doctor’s office] that I was unhappy about it,” Kasdan said. In fact, she told them she would report the doctor to the New York State Office of Professional Medical Conduct. Next, she reached out to “Bill of the Month,” a joint project of NPR and Kaiser Health News.
After a reporter started asking questions about the bill, BCBS of Minnesota stopped payment on the check it issued and is now investigating.
Jim McManus, director of public relations for Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Minnesota, said the company has a process to flag excessive charges. “Unfortunately, those necessary reviews did not happen in this case,” he wrote in an email.
Despite the sophisticated DNA tests and resulting $28,395.50 bill, Kasdan’s lab results didn’t reveal the particular virus that was to blame for her cold. The results were all negative.(Shelby Knowles for KHN)
The Takeaway: Surprise bills often arise when an in-network doctor or hospital involves another provider who isn’t in the patient’s insurance network, without the patient’s consent. But it is often nearly impossible for a patient to detect when that is occurring.
Patients can try to protect themselves from surprise bills by asking for details at their doctor’s appointments.
Bill Of The Month Resources
Read More
“I always ask where they’re sending my labs or where they’re sending my images [like X-rays], so I can make sure that’s in-network with my insurance company,” attorney Marting said.
They can also probe why a test is being ordered:
“It is OK to ask your doctor, ‘Why are you ordering these tests and how are they going to help you come up with a treatment plan for me?’” said Georgetown’s Mishori. “I think it’s important for patients to be empowered and ask these questions, rather than be faced with unnecessary testing, unnecessary treatment and also, in this case, outrageous billing.”
If you’re sitting on the exam table thinking, “I won’t ask. … How much could it be?” The answer could be a lot.
New York state has a law to protect patients from surprise bills. The law requires doctors’ offices to warn patients in advance that they are using an out-of-network provider and that patients may be responsible for excess charges. If a patient doesn’t consent to the involvement of an out-of-network doctor, then they must be financially held harmless for the bill. But it doesn’t prevent the out-of-network providers from sending a bill or collecting from an insurer.
Kasdan said she was not told that the throat swab was being sent out of network at the time of her appointment, though it’s possible one of the many papers she signed included a broad caveat that some services might not be in-network.
People who suspect a bill is the result of a violation of law can report that to state authorities. In this case, the New York State Department of Financial Services investigates complaints.
You can contact NPR science correspondent Richard Harris at [email protected].
Bill of the Month is a crowdsourced investigation by Kaiser Health News and NPR that dissects and explains medical bills. Do you have an interesting medical bill you want to share with us? Tell us about it!
from Updates By Dina https://khn.org/news/medical-bill-of-the-month-head-cold-throat-swab-dna-tests-insurer-coughed-up-25k/
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THE SAME ANGELS WHO TRIED TO SCREW US ALSO LET US DO THIS, BUT THERE'S NO WAY ANYTHING SO SHORT AND WRITTEN IN SUCH AN INFORMAL STYLE COULD HAVE ANYTHING USEFUL TO SAY ABOUT SUCH AND SUCH TOPIC, WHEN PEOPLE WITH DEGREES IN THE SUBJECT HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN MANY THICK BOOKS ABOUT IT
But it's easy to figure this out: just take a shower. A to B, but it is the true test of a language is how small it makes your life a lot simpler.1 I think, McCarthy found his theoretical exercise transformed into an actual programming language—and a more subdued version for HN. Ideas 8 and 9 only became part of Lisp by accident, the frequency of helpful chance meetings in the Valley. They notice that people who write them win Nobel prizes. Customers will worry you're going to optimize a number, the one to discover its replacement. Often they have to work quite closely with them. Obviously they were smart, but they are much hungrier for deals.2
Even that threshold is getting lower, as people watch others take the plunge and survive. When they demo it, one of the big dogs will notice and take it away. My hypothesis is that succinctness is power, or is close enough that except in pathological examples, I thought succinctness could be considered identical with power.3 It may also be because if you do you'll blow your chances of an academic career.4 But he gave us a piece of paper saying they didn't own our software; and six months later we were bought by Yahoo for much more than they should for the amount of selling required in an industry is always inversely proportional to some prediction of its quality.5 Write rereadable code. Half the distinguishing qualities of the eminent become scheduled, and that's one of the two numbers? A term sheet is a summary of what the solution turns out to be responsible for both Lisp's strange appearance and its most distinctive features. By accepting the term sheet, the startup agrees to turn away other VCs for some set amount of time while this firm does the due diligence required for the deal to close, so we are now three months into the life of a hypothetical startup.6 What you should not do, I enjoy it. VC firm will not screw you too outrageously, because other founders would avoid them if word got out.
So one way to do it for less than a million per startup. If you really think you have a number of VCs now, and when you resort to that the results are distinctly inferior. I mean, in 1958, and popular programming languages are pretty much equivalent. Within large organizations, it can take days to really understand it again when you return to it. They don't really grasp the risk they're taking till the deal's about to close.7 Hacker News. The angel deal takes two weeks to close, so we try to standardize everything.8 Like a contrarian investment fund, someone following this strategy will almost always be doing things that seem wrong to the average person today.9
They buy a lot of good publicity for the VCs.10 It's getting more straightforward to get things done. A few steps before a Rubik's Cube is solved, it still looks like a mess.11 You can't answer that; if you want to work on, so long as no one can prove it's his fault. Perhaps it's because startups are less of a zero sum game than most types of business; they are rarely killed by competitors. They've invested in dozens of startups, elite universities will play less of a zero sum game.12 So I asked them, what do you do that, but probably hurts. And yet he seems pretty commanding, doesn't he?13 The problems are different in the early stages.14 It might be hard to get them out.
It's the second that matters. Maybe things will be different a year from now, if the economy continues to get worse, but so far there is zero slackening of interest among potential founders that startups were over, and discipline is no longer necessary.15 Plenty of good engineers got made into bad managers that way. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to deal with in a startup, managing them is one of the founders, and one that most people won't even try. Even that threshold is getting lower, as people generally do with admissions of failure, they put it off for as long as possible.16 Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, says the Old Testament in political questions, but materially the world now has a lot more than money. You're at least close enough to work that the smell of it makes you hungry. This territory is occupied mostly by individual angel investors—people investing money they made from their own startups.
That gave me a way to generate ideas for startups: what do people who inherit money, and much larger amounts of it. But not as small as they might seem. And in the process keep your mind open enough that a big idea to appear in the mainstream. According to the National Association of Business Incubators, there are about 800 incubators in the US now, only about 50 are likely to pay you for, then what else are they for, and how much funnier a bunch of kids with webcams can be than a front page controlled by editors, and how much stock they each have.17 Curiosity turns work into play. At first they're always dismissed as being unsuitable for real work. You can do it on that computer.18 For outsiders this translates into two ways to win.19 It's more likely to pretend to like what you do.
The fact that all these languages are Turing-equivalent means that, strictly speaking, you can fix it yourself. Work toward finding one.20 But I don't think that's a bias of mine. Sometimes jumping from one sort of work: if you're in a startup can stay in grad school, or to speak a foreign language fluently, that will be enough to guarantee that you'd always be behind. You have to be shaped by admissions officers. If you do this on too small a scale you'll just guarantee failure. And you can start today. And that's kind of exciting, when you go from net consumer to net producer. And people's desires seem to be on the path to some goal you're supposed to be working on. You may beat the insiders, and yet he knows what language you should write it in.21 This weakness often extends right up to the CEO. A lot of ancient philosophy had the quality—and I don't mean to suggest that our investors were nothing but a drag on us.
The first component is particularly helpful in the first Java white paper that Java was designed to fix some problems with C. What seemed like an anomaly to them was in fact cause and effect.22 For the same reason Google and Facebook have remained independent: money guys undervalue the most innovative startups. Every programmer must have seen code that some clever person has made marginally shorter by using dubious programming tricks. And that's what the malaise one feels in high school I used to want to do a really good job on anything you don't think about in the shower.23 My only leisure activities were running, which I spent worrying about, but not design it. You won't have it driving you if your stated ambition is merely to start a rapidly growing business as software.24
Notes
He had such a discovery. One professor friend says that the usual misquotation is closer to the company's PR people worked hard to mentally deal with them. The idea of getting too high a valuation cap at all.
Of course, that all metaphysics between Aristotle and 1783 had been a waste of time, is rated at-1.
FreeBSD 1.
When I talk about startups. The First Two Hundred Years. I put it this way that makes curators and dealers use neutral-sounding nonsense seems to have confused readers, though.
The rest exist to this talk, so that you can use to make a conscious effort to make money, you usually have to be a special title for actual partners. 5 million cap, but I realize I'm going to give up, how do they decide on the programmers had seen what GUIs had done for desktop computers.
It would have a competent startup lawyer handle the deal. When VCs asked us how long it would be improper to name names, while she likes getting attention in the Baskin-Robbins. One measure of the river among the bear gardens and whorehouses.
But then I realized the other hand, they mean. In practice the first person to person depending on their own interest. Watt reinvented the steam engine.
And they are bleeding cash really fast. I've also heard them called Mini-VCs and the 4K of RAM was in charge of HR at Lotus in the US is becoming less fragmented, and tax rates. Doh.
But I'm convinced there were no strong central governments.
And though they have a browser and get nothing. But there are certain qualities that help in that it also worked for a sufficiently identifiable style, you might be 20 or 30 times as much income. I couldn't believe it or not, don't make users register to read stories. University Ave in Palo Alto.
If anyone wants to see artifacts from it. Don't be fooled by grammar. What should you do. But wide-area bandwidth increased more than linearly with its size.
But it's a departure from the rest of the mail on LL1 led me to do with the founders'. This trend is one that had been climbing in through the buzz that surrounds wisdom in this, I had a contest to describe what's happening till they measure their returns. As he is at pains to point out that this isn't strictly true, it may have no way to avoid using it out of school. Some of the big winners are all that matters financially for investors.
Some of the word programmers care about. But it's useful to consider these two ideas separately. Realizing that much better to read stories.
I'm not saying that if you pack investor meetings with you, they'll have big bags of cumin for the average NBA player's salary during the Ming Dynasty, when we say it's ipso facto right to buy it.
P 500 CEOs in 2002 was 35,560. The conventional 1 in 10 success rate for startups, and the average Edwardian might well guess wrong. Cit. Yes, I use the local builders built everything in it.
At the time it was not drinking that kool-aid at the exact same thing—trying to decide whether to go the bathroom, and would probably a losing bet for a number here only to the erosion of the more powerful version written in C and C, and jobs encourage cooperation, not how much we really depend on Aristotle would be easy to imagine how an investor is more important for the correction. Founders at Work. The need has to grind.
They influence one another, it tends to happen fast, like play in a difficult position. Basically, the closest anyone has come is Secretary of Labor Statistics, about 28%.
In reality, wealth is measured by what you've done than where you go to a later Demo Day. One advantage startups have over you could probably starve the trolls of the word wealth, not you. But this is one that we wouldn't have the luxury of choosing among seed investors, is a lot, or at least on me; how can anything regressive be good employees either.
Success here is that promising ideas are not in 1950 something one could do as a monitor. In practice you can send your business plan to, but the churn is high, and since technological progress is accelerating, so much better than Jessica.
I was a sudden rush of interest, you can't tell you that if the similarity extended to returns.
Instead of making the broadest type of x. And startups that get killed by overspending might have to solve the problem, we don't have to decide whether you're a nerd, rather technical sense of getting too high a valuation.
And that is not just something the mainstream media needs to, but the problems all fall into a decent college. But although I started doing research for this is one of their name, but it is certainly part of your universities is significantly better than the don't-be-evil end. As far as I do in proper essays.
This was certainly true in the usual standards for truth. But there is something inexperienced founders. It doesn't happen often. If big companies to build their sites, and the first wave of hostile takeovers in the mid 1980s.
As usual the popular image is several decades behind reality. In practice their usefulness is greatly enhanced by other Lisp dialects: Here's an example of computer security, and that injustice is what the US since the war had been trained to expect the opposite way from the tube of their upbringing in their lifetimes.
#automatically generated text#Markov chains#Paul Graham#Python#Patrick Mooney#discovery#anything#rest#Java#My#amount#person#programmer#weeks#talk#discipline#bias#size#Day#metaphysics#commanding#nothing#tricks#li#number#accident#monitor#C#Cube#practice
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Lesbian ‘witches’ chained and raped by families in Cameroon
YAOUNDE (Thomson Reuters Foundation) – During a dreary Sunday morning church service, 14-year-old Viviane – tired of wrestling with her sexual attraction to girls – resigned herself to an unhappy conclusion: she was bewitched.
At school and at church in Cameroon’s capital, Yaounde, she had long been told that liking someone of the same sex was not only a sin, but could also be a sign that a sinister spell had been cast on you.
“I didn’t see girls like everyone else – I thought it was a bad spirit that had invaded me,” she told the Thomson Reuters Foundation with a rueful laugh by phone from France, where she sought asylum last year with her girlfriend’s help.
“So I started praying to make it go away.”
But her prayers failed. Four years later, Viviane was chained to the wall and violently raped by a man who her family forced her to marry after discovering that she was a lesbian.
From South Africa to India and Ecuador, gay people are subjected to ‘corrective rape’ by their families, strangers and vigilantes who believe that homosexuality is a mental illness that needs to be ‘cured’. [nL8N1P03QO]
Sometimes it is done under the cover of darkness or when the pounding of rain on tin roofs muffles the screams, gay Cameroonians told the Thomson Reuters Foundation.
Other times, it is arranged by family members who regularly take the law into their own hands, torturing, raping and murdering gay and lesbian relatives that they are convinced are witches or have been cursed.
Belief in witchcraft is widespread in Cameroon. Even though it is illegal to practice black magic, authorities do little to stop families consulting sorcerers who perform ritual sacrifices to ‘cure’ their relatives of homosexuality.
Same-sex relationships are taboo across Africa, which has some of the world’s most prohibitive laws against homosexuality. Gay people are routinely blackmailed, assaulted and or raped, with criminal punishments ranging from imprisonment to death.
A 2017 report by the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA) found 33 African countries out of a total of 54 nations criminalise same-sex relations.
Homosexual acts attract a five-year jail term in Cameroon, with at least 50 people convicted for crimes ranging from cross-dressing to a man texting “I love you” to another man between 2010 and 2014, according to CAMFAIDS, an LGBT+ advocacy group.
“The (anti-LGBT+) violence is getting worse,” said Michel Engama, head of CAMFAIDS, whose predecessor, Eric Ohena Lembembe was found dead in 2013, with his neck broken and his face burned with an iron, according to Human Rights Watch.
Almost 600 homophobic attacks and violations were reported in Cameroon last year, according to Humanity First Cameroon, an LGBT+ umbrella organisation, with one in five lesbians and one in 10 gay men reporting that they had been raped.
Campaigners say the true scale of the problem is likely to be much worse as most attacks go unreported.
CLEANSING
Viviane’s family beat and lashed her after they discovered explicit text messages she had sent to her girlfriend.
Her aunt and brothers then took her to their village where the local witch doctor forced her to drink concoctions made of chicken blood and inserted hot pepper up her anus, justifying it as a “cleansing” ritual.
Finding a husband who was a church pastor was a chance to clear the family name, she explained. The fact that he had two wives and was more than 30 years older was not a consideration.
“There was no discussion about it,” she said, adding that her family received the dowry from the pastor even before they informed her of the arrangement.
“To them, I was like a necklace they sold.”
Though rape is a crime in Cameroon, there was no question that such a charge could ever be levelled at her husband, Viviane said.
“A pastor in Cameroon is like a god. God can’t rape. And if you accuse him of rape, you’re the devil,” she said.
While Viviane felt her best option was to flee Cameroon, Frederique spoke out after she was gang raped in 2016 by a taxi driver after leaving an LGBT+ workshop in Yaounde.
The driver stopped to pick up another man and took her to a deserted part of town, where they both raped her, taunting her with accusations of being a lesbian and a witch.
“They kept shouting that I deserved this punishment, that they were correcting me,” said the 33-year-old, who has told her story to hundreds of girls in sexual health awareness and LGBT+ workshops in Cameroon.
“If I had reported it, I would’ve been seen not as a victim but rather as someone who deserved what had happened.”
She believes that her decision to speak out saved her life.
“I had a friend who had also been raped, and she felt completely alone, isolated, depressed. She had almost killed herself,” Frederique said, pausing to fight back her tears.
“I thought of doing the same … But I was also so angry. I didn’t want other girls to go through this, for them to be a victim like me. I wanted to denounce the perpetrators so that it stops.”
It is not easy, she said. Lesbians in Cameroon live with secrecy and caution every day, communicating via code names and frequently changing the public places where they gather.
“We continue to fight on, even though we’re doubly discriminated – first as women, secondly as lesbians,” she said.
But Engama of CAMFAIDS knows that such precautions cannot guarantee safety, highlighting how 20-year-old Kenfack Tobi Aubin Parfait was beaten to death last month by his older brother who believed he was gay.
“It’s a real war waged against us,” said Engama, who regularly receives death threats.
“But we will keep fighting until they are tired … No one will give us freedom. We have to take it.”
Editing by Katy Migiro. Please credit Thomson Reuters Foundation, the charitable arm of Thomson Reuters, that covers humanitarian news, women’s rights, trafficking, property rights, and climate change. Visit www.trust.org
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