Mr. Xie Lian's Guoshi kindly SHUT THE FUCK UP!! IDC if you're right BUT YOU DON'T SAY SOMETHING LKE THAT TO SOMEONE OUTRIGHT LIKE THAT

Evening all :)

Time to continue with the story.

Wishing you all a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 7

Back at the room, i quickly took another shower, and still wrapped in my towel opened the wardrobe. Hmm, what to weare? I havent really paid attention when i packed before coming to Duskwood, i just threw clothes in my suitcase, i was lucky i took enough clean underweare. I decided for my grey skinny jeans, black straps top, and my favorite green shirt. I loved that shirt, it made my eyes more greener when wearing it. Arround my neck was a descrete silver chain, with a clover pendant that i got from my mom. I was releived when i found out in hospital that i havent lost it when all the shit happened. She gave it to me when i was 10ish or so, telling me it will always bring me luck and keep me safe, and i always did feel safer wearing it, so i rarely took it off. My toughts got interruped by the sound of a message on my phone. It was from Jessy, informing me she and Dan will pick me up in about 15 minutes. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, put on some face powder since i was still a bit paleish. I putted some mascara and my lipgloss on. I grabbed my shoes and my purse. One more quick look at the mirror.I was ready and decided to wait for them outside. I wasnt out for long when Dan steered the car onto motels parking. He left the car and went for the back doors opening them for me. „Wow, Maya, i almost didnt recognize you, all dressed up!“ he grinned at me. „Should i take that as a compliment?“ „Definatly!“ he said, winkig at me, as i sat in the back seat, Jessy turning to me. „You look great!“ she smiled at me. „Thanks!“ i replied, smiling back. „I hope you're hungry.“ „Actually, im starving.“i said with a smile. After days of gloom toughts about all, and well, Jake mostly, seeing him today got me in good mood again.

We parked infront of the Black Swan. Leaving  the car, i turned to Dan saying teasingly  „Last time you got stud up comming here, this time you're here with two beautifull women.“ As i said it, both Jessy and me grabbed Dan, each under one of his arm. „What more can a guy wish for!“ he said, grinning, but added as we neared the entrance „ But, sorry Maya, i'll be going home with just one of you, tho.“ He turned to Jessy, giving her one soft kiss. „Good answer.“ I teased „And dont worry about me, my broken heart will just have to drown its sorrow with some chocolate!“ I tried to sound serious and hurt, but Jessy looked at me, and we both stared laughing. Dan shook his head at us „Man, and Jessy tought i will be pain in the ass when we meet. You two are impossible.“ „Untill you get some whiskey in you.“ i teased, mischievous grin showing on his face. „Exactly!“ he chimed happily, but Jessy was already giving him one of her stern looks. „Dannn..“ she started, but i stod to his defense „Aww, c'mon Jessy, dont be like that. You did promise me you will let Dan of the hook when i get out of the hospital. We are celebrating afer all.“ Now both Dan and me wer looking at her, making the best puppy faces we could. „Oh you two!“ she said, waveing her finger at us. „Fine, just this once! As you said, we are celebrating.“ Dan gave me a high five as a sign of our victory, wich now made Jessy shake her head, adding wit a groan „Oh, im soooo gonna regert this.“ I hugged her, pecking her on the cheek, cherfully saying „We could all use some fun.“ She looked me inquiringly, as we wer seated at our table „What got you in such a good mood?“ „Oh, nothing much“ i said, not realizing my smile widening „I'm just happy to be alive and kicking.“  The restoran was really nice, and quite packed with people, but not too loud, so we could normaly talk. We ordered some food and just had a nice time, talking casualy, eating, drinking, laughing and teasing eachother. Jessy became a really good friend to me in this short time, i was grateful to have her in my life. Both her and Dan. And she and Dan went so well together. He looked tough at the surface, but she calmed that restlesness in him. And she looked happy with him, sincerely happy. At some point, Dan excused himself and went for the toilet. As he left the table, Jessy looked at me, squinting her eyes „Spill it out already!“ I tilted my head on the side „What possibly could you mean?“ „Ohh, dont keep me on edge, Maya!“ she pleaded. „I knew the moment i saw you something was up.Spill it!“ „Fine, fine“ i started, her look getting all curious. „I saw Jake today.“ I said grinning like a little kid. She squileed from excitement, waveing her hands on the side „Talk! Now, before Dan comes back! And dont you dare to leave anything out!“ I chuckled at her. I quickly told her everything that happened, her listening patiently. When i was done, she was smiling from ear to ear, and i guess i did the same. „I told you so!“ she siad, and i burst laughing. „Oh, i had a feeling you might say that.“ „Well, was i wrog?“ she asked, to wich i shook my head in agreement with her. „Then i should say it again: I told you so!“ she said cheerfully. „“All right, all right, lets not get ahead of ourselves“ i started „It was a start, a promising one, but he still cant get over it completly.“ „That may be“ she said „But it wont be long till all will be allright again, you'll see.“ She smiled at me, and let a little squeek of excitement again, and this time i joined her. Dan returned to the table, looking both of us quizzically „What are you two up to now?“ he asked, as he sat back at his chair. We looked at eachother, grinning, and Jessy replied, winking at me „Oh, just talking some girls stuff.“ Dan made a face „You're talking about 'hacker boy', arent you?“ I looked sharply at him „Yes we are, if you must know. And i told you to stop calling him that.“ As i said it, i kicked him at his lower leg under the table, just as he was taking a sip of his beer. „Sorry, sorry“ he said, stedying his glass „Old habbits die hard.“ I stuck my toung at him, and he did the same back. „Stop it you two!“ Jessy hissed at us, and we started giggling. „Well, then“ Dan started to say „If you dont mind, leave that mooshy wooshy stuff for later, when im not arround. I would like to keep my dinner 'in', if you get me.“ He made a gaging gesture, wich made Jessy hit him on the shoulder. „What“ he protested „I'm just being honest here.“ He grinned at her. I smiled „Fine, fine, no more wooshy mooshy talks from now on. But, im in need of that chocolate then, to compensate for it!“ i teased, and Dan just grinned at me „Way ahead of you!“ Now it was my turn to look at him with confusion, when the waiter came to our table bringing three pieces of chocholate cake. I took a bite of mine, Dan asking „So, all good?“ „You're lucky i'm a sucker for chocholate..so, yes, all good.“ I said smiling and taking antoher bite. „Well, since you're in such a good mood, i have a confession to make.“ Jessy was looking at me now, smiling through her teeth, a bit nervous . „Our evening kinda doesnt involve just this dinner.“ „Mhm, go on, talk“ i said „I had a feeling you had something else in plan for me tonigh.“  „Well, its just that everyone was asking me about you..soooo i invited them all to join us for drinks at Aurora later.“ „Kinda tought that might happen.“ I said seriously, and Jessy's mood got down a bit. „But, only if Dan promisess me some karaoke fun.“ Jessy chuckled. „Dear God, is there anything you didnt tell her?“ Dan asked, and she started moving her eyes from one side to the other, gesturing her thinking „Hmm let me see.“ Dans eyes opened wide in wonder. „I might still keep few things to myself.“ She turned to me, winked, and we laughed. Poor Dan took three big gulps of his beer „We better hurry to Aurora, i need something stronger then beer.“

Oh Noel (Trigger Warning)

Note: this is inspired by iDKHBTFM's (I Don't Know How But They Found Me) "Oh Noel". I'm having the feels tonight and I just want to write a short story about it.

Here's a link for it by the way, for those who doesn't know about them, Oh Noel by iDKHBTFM

(Btw, the italics are the letter, the Bold and italics are the lyrics, the bold letters are the news reporter, and the normal font is the main pov)

Hasn't every little Christmas wish been sent? Have sugarplums been dancing in your head?

"To My Dearest Noel"

Perhaps it was the chill of the night that caused the goosebumps on his skin. Maybe it was the snow, that caused his nose to clog up and his face to turn pink. How he wish that it was the season that he can blame for this cold feeling that he's having at this moment. This wishful thinking, that he hope will change places with the truth that is layed out in front of him - that did nothing but to make him remember more - but alas, it will not be the case.

I hope the holiday will find you well Oh, Noel Oh, Noel

My love, I cannot express to you how ecstatic I am when you told me last year that you're being relocated to your company's branch there. You can't believe how happy I'am that you can finally achieve the things that you want even form the start.

A smile fought its way to his face. He remembered the time when he told you that he's going to be transfered to a new branch of their company as its new and first President, and how you told him that his hardwork had finally payed off.

I met you in December '93 Noel been staying up the block

Remember when we celebrated it up until the other day. Our heads were like splitting in half that time. I remember you, almost tripping outside our front door because of excitement. We laughed and laughed and enjoyed ourselves that night, and I fell in love with you much more.

He smiled and smiled until his cheeks are hurting. For, of course, he remembers that time. Where they both lost themselves in each other's arms. How they kissed each other under the street lamp while walking towards a pub. How they whispered to each other, contently, while the upcoming winter chill started to seep through their bones. Still, they held each other's gazes without the care in the world. How he wish that he can go back to that time again.

Do you remember the time after that?

Of course, how could he not? That month was the happiest month of his life. How could he forget about it when he felt as if he traveled to the moon and back when you told him the news, weeks prior to his departure?

With her mother's family For two straight weeks, we ran through snow

When I told you that you're gonna be a father in nine months? We we're in cloud nine that time that you can't even stop giving me your glorious kisses and that comforting hug of yours. If I thought that I couldn't love you more, then i was an idiot, because that time I know that we will be together till the end.

He was ready to give up his company's offer that time, but you slapped his head and told him that he needed to go. That he can come back in a month or two to check up on the both of you, saying that its not even that risky because your pregnancy just started. Oh how he insisted so hard that you made him sleep on the couch. Now, he wish that he insisted more 'cause he would prefer to sleep there even for a year, than to be in this situation.

And do you remember the time after that?

And kissed beneath the mistletoe And swore our love in secret company

This made the man scoff, of course, how could he forget? The way how the both of you broke down in your hospital bed for god knows how long. He just got home for a three day leave before it happened. How the both of you grew hysterical when you both saw and felt the blood in the bed. How could he forget the way he saw your eyes lose its natural shine while you're staring at your own blood. How the he saw you breaking down in front of him while he's carrying you downstairs and into the car.How could he forget?

I was so lost that time. So, so lost. I let both of us down. I feel as if something was ripped inside me. As if I lost a part of me that I haven't even met yet. It hurts so much. I could remember it as if it happened yesterday. I can't even express what I feel and still feel right now. I just can't help but to hate myself when I realised that I've selfishly took every opportunity that you have when I heard you decline them in the phone, just for this mess. Just for me.

Hasn't every little Christmas card been sent? Has every child been tucked into their bed?

"...Why?" the man asked helplessly. As if he awaits a response that will never come.

So I decided to persuade you that I'm fine, that you should go back to your work. Of course you told me that you can't, but then again, I wouldn't be called your wife if I don't know how to handle you, right?

The man chuckled. "But of course." He thought, and that's why after a week of preparations, you're already saying your goodbyes to him in the airport. Only if he didn't let himself be persuaded by you. How he hoped that he grew suspicious that he suddenly recieved an actual letter in paper from you, just two months afer his departure. But then again, you told him that you just wanted to do it because you love him, and he trusts you in that.

It was perhaps, ingenious of me, to think about this kind of ploy. But can you blame me, my love? I wouldn't want you to see my tears or to hear my sobs and whimpers in a call. I wouldn't want to impose and worry you much more. So I wrote to you instead. Even if the letter arrives just every other day or so, at least it buys me time. Time to be alone. Time to wallow in pitty and sadness, before it's time to reply to you again. I mean, what am I even thinking right now, confessing to my sins and making this much harder for you?

"No please, god no. Please...just...keep writing, my love."

I'm hoping that this song will find you well Oh, Noel Oh, Noel

My love, when you recieve this letter...do not fret for I will still be proud of you. I will still be in love with you. I just hope that you will forgive me, because I know I can't. I know that I'm being selfish right now, but please don't be mad...

The wind howled on the other side of the window, the embers in the fireplace are starting to dwindle down almost to nothing, but he ignored all that. However, the open telivision in the background is the one that he can't block out, no matter how hard he tried. He didn't know what made him open it up and turn it in to a channel that shows the late night news reports. How he wished he didn't.

I hope that the thing that I'm gonna do will not dampen this year's holidays. Although, I know my wishing of that will be futile. My love, I am sorry for not being there with you in the upcoming celebrations...

A decade passed, and letters all but died Ten years that saw her folks divorced "On tonight's breaking news..."

...I's sorry for lying to you, that I am fine...

"...A woman was found just an hour ago..." And best friend's suicide I'd see her on occasion, looking pale and petrified I'd wave, but she would only turn and cry

...I'm sorry for failing the both of us in making a family of our own...

"...In a motel located in Freeport, Maine..."

If you're reading this letter, I hope that you wouldn't be upset to me, and especially to yourself.

"...The sight that the authorities and staff saw was very disheartening, the woman was found lying in the room's bathroom in the pool of her own blood. The police informed us that they are currently contacting the dead woman's family..." The embers in the fireplace are dead

As if to mock him more, a ringing of a phone can be heard around the room from somewhere around the living area that he's in. A sob escaped the mans mouth, no longer being able to contain the pain that he can feel. The contracting of his chest was too much, even for him.

Know that I love you and I always will, even if I'm not there to tell you that in person anymore. I'm sorry my love...

Maybe it was the upcoming winter. Maybe it was just meant to be gloomy because of the harshness of the chill in the air. Maybe it was the sobs of a broken man echoing around the place. Maybe it was the still ringing phone or the emptiness that the man can feel. Maybe it was the news in the background or the way how the man lost that particular shine in his eyes, just like what he'd witnessed before.

The late night news reports are being read

I hope that you can forgive me, Noel. I hope that someday you will be happy. I love you. I'm sorry. Your love, Emelia

They found you in some dirty, cheap motel

...or maybe, Just maybe... he can blame the lack of warmth coming form the fireplace, for the goosebumps that he's sporting, and for the emptiness that he's feeling right now... just this once...just this once.

But, oh, well Oh, well Noel

Please if you're feeling suicidal seek help and talk to someone National Suicide Prevention Website and International Suicide Prevention Lifeline

*please read this* 1/ I can tell that this is gonna be a long rant so I'm already sorry but, I feel like camila has sociopath traits. There's a lot of them and sociopaths don't always have the same ones but she has a few. I'm not making fun of the situation I'm legit concerned about Shawn. You see sociopaths are obsessed with control. They see a shiny thing and they want it for themselves.

2/ “they gotta have that person” and if they don’t, they will make sure that that person later feels like they’re missing out. And then the game begins. There’s no doubt in my mind that camila is playing Shawn. At first to promote her career. But now, It’s on a more personal level. Sociopaths enjoy turning people into someone else. And that’s what camila is doing to Shawn. Shawn isn’t blind but he’s in love and completely trusts camila. This is why it’s so easy to change him.

3/ First it started with his fans, she was jealous of the attention and all the beautiful girls around him and she wanted two things. 1st to let it be known that the person they wanted was HERS. 2nd to make it seem like everyone was against them and she was someone in need of protection. (that attracts Shawn and she knows it).

4/Usually the next step is towards the friends, there might be some complain about them or making it seem like the person would have more fun with them than with their friends, or “you can go but I’ll miss you”. You know those kind of things. Idk if that happened I’m not psychic nor was I there. But this is the pattern. Usually there’s a separation between the “pray” and their social circle.

5/Then they turn to their looks. In this case Shawn’s hair was and always has been something everyone obsessed about. Now it looks different doesn’t it? But Shawn doesn’t seem to mind. And he DOESN’T. Bc whilst camila is changing him, she’s reassuring him that he’s great. He’s amazing. He’s the best in the world. Everything he does is magic. She shows him love, there is A LOT of sex involved. Which makes Shawn believe that he’s completely safe with her and he should listen to her.

Sociopaths are capable of showing love and will demonstrate it quite often, but always to get what they want. When  it comes to looks their goal is to turn that person in to someone people no longer find attractive so that they will be left out of options and will only feel appreciated by their partner aka the sociopath. While that is happening they make sure that they integrate their partner in their group, their family, their life. Making it seem like the relationship is balanced.

6/When  in reality there’s a separation being made between the “pray” and their own family. Is Shawn at home with his family during this pandemic? No. My point exactly. The tricky part here comes when the sociopath achieves their goal, they start to get bored and since their partner is no longer the person they “fell in love with” bc they changed them.

7/They start pulling away, they feel smothered and legit noxious of their partner who hasn’t done anything wrong and is only trying to love them. The victim card comes into play. They don’t like confrontation so two things might happen. If they have another “pray” in sight they’ll begin to complain about their partner to them, creating false stories or by acting like they no longer feel the same but they don’t want to hurt their partners feelings.

Or they will use a family member or friend to do that. Meanwhile their partner is left confused and out in the dark. Basically towards the end. The partner will completely get cut off. Feeling like they no longer have a place in their old social group or family and feeling like no one loves them. When that’s not true. But that’s how they’ll feel. They will be left confused, and without completely understanding what happened but feeling like it was their fault.

9/ It will feel like they lost someone for real. They will sometimes still hang on to the sociopath, bc they will unfortunately feel like that that person was the only one who truly loved them when in reality that person destroyed them and walked away. I unfortunately feel like this is what is happening to Shawn. I feel like he will have the same fate as others who encountered people like camila had.

9/And he will romanticize it, because he does that to heartbreak, everyone will get a breakup album maybe not the next one but the one afer that. camila will move on and Shaw  will be left to pick up the pieces. Hopefully he will be able too. Most people aren’t. Most people never trust anyone else again. They might have other relationships ships but something g inside them gets broken forever. Sociopaths aren’t “player’s” but they will play you, they might not kill you but they will destroy you.

10/I believe camila has sociopath traits. And I’m concerned about Shawn’s mental health.

*****

okay okay I don’t think I would normally post something like this but THE DEDICATION, THE CRAFT OF THE ARGUMENT. I had to. this anon took a lot of time and well….I appreciate a good observant argument.

while I think sociopath is a bit of a strong word, all celebrities are narcissists. like in varying degrees and to their own detriment most of the time. Camila and Shawn are no different. but I don’t think she’s intentionally doing any of this and intentionality is one of the biggest differences between a narcissist and a sociopath. I can’t bear to think that Shawn is willfully with someone who wants to harm him on purpose. that’s the only counterargument I have though. I think a lot of what you’re saying clicks. 

p.s. still waiting on that break up album…maybe that’s the greatest gift corona will give us. from the ashes will rise a Malibu Nights-level album. LET US PRAY.

Guess the Avenger - Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Title: Guess the Avenger

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: During a game in an interview where you show just how well you know your costars and friends, you and Tom prove that you know each other like the back of your hands and are the soulmates everyone believes you are. However, when things about your life get revealed, the fans go crazy and the shipping of you two has no end.

“Do you- do you always carry a pair of spoons with you wherever you go?” Jimmy asked with a smile once the audience stopped cheering.

“What? Oh yes, always! Always.” he nodded his head as you all wiped out your answers from the small white-board and got your own rewards for getting the answer right, a bonsai tree. You were currently playing a game where you had to guess which person out of the five of you had done any of the things that Jimmy asked. You were sitting in the first row, between Scarlet and Danai, while the boys, Tom and Mark, were in the back.

“I think the real question should be: Is there anything this man cannot do?” you exclaimed “I'll dare you to try and find an answer to that one!” you grinned as the audience cheered and you friends and Jimmy all laughed. You felt a hand on your shoulder and looked back to give him a small wink as you gave his hand a squeeze.

“We're gonna spend too many hours in here and we won't come up with anything, that I know.” he chuckled, looking down at his cards for the next question.

“But I think, there's something else that I'm sure Mark would want to point out as well: Isn't it such a surprise how (Y/n) instantly knew the answer to the question that concerned Tom?” your best friend teased with a fake surprised look on her face, instantly making everyone laugh and you very shyly more than anyone.

“They know everything about each other, everything, you don't even have to complete the question, they will pop the answer immediately!” Mark emphasized over-dramatically, making you giggle and lower your head shyly.

“They can tell you the exact time and place it happened if it's an event, too. Not a surprise again, right? Well, of course not... if only they could remember the answers to questions about themselves this well, though!” Scarlett shrugged, looking at you with a knowing smile.

“And you know, about this game-” Mark spoke up again “It wasn't that hard to guess, yes, since we all got it right but I-” he chuckled “I was just waiting and waiting and thinking that, you know, when it's Tom's turn, (Y/n)'s got a certain point so in the back of my mind I forgot I forgot about Tom and I ended up looking at her and waiting for her answer in this instead of his.”

“Well, you weren't far from wrong!” Jimmy laughed “Alright, next one. A-and Mark, just try to get the answer right, focus on your board, yes?”

“Absolutely.” Mark nodded his head seriously “No matter how hard it is to not gush at those two?” he asked after a small pause, looking up with a raised eyebrow and everyone laughed, including you and Tom.

“Ye-yeah, no matter.” Jimmy snickered but tried to keep his cool.

“Ok.” again a small pause before he asked “And no matter how hard it is to not just ship them right here and now?”

This time Jimmy lost it and just laughed, nodding his head “N-no m-matter, yes.”

“Alright, ok.” he nodded his head as he looked down at his board, all of you waiting for a second and looking at him in case he had anything more to say but he only kept quiet... until you looked away and he just muttered sadly like a little kid “Scarlett we're not getting our shipping T-shirts out today.”

You couldn't control your laughter as you spoon in your stool and looked at Tom, who was laughing like everybody else, and pointed at him with a smirk but still as accusingly as you could “This is all your fault!”

“How so?” he raised an eyebrow but grinned at you.

“Because you so shipable, and yes that's a word now! That, and perfect, so I can't keep my hands off you.” you turned back straight to face the cameras but broke into a grin when you heard him laugh straight behind you.

“Always worth it, your cuddles are the best in the entire world, darling. And you have no idea how much I want to say this out loud.” he leaned in to whisper in your ear and you grinned, turning your head slightly to kiss his cheek. Something that wasn't really the best option at the moment because you already had the fans going crazy and cheering at our adorable whispering and close proximity.

“Alright, alright next one!” Jimmy tried to calm everyone down “Next one before Mark has a heart attack at how adorable you two over there are and we ran out of time.”

“Thank you, Jimmy.” Mark nodded his head, saying all too seriously but Jimmy only laughed.

“Ok let's see: This Avenger has admitted that their first kiss was their celebrity crush, whom they met while filming a movie.” he read and looked at al of you.

You looked at your friends to see that they all hesitated for a moment in deep thought, of course you knew the answer to that one but trying to play along you decided to pretend like you hesitated as well. You caught yourself grinning when you saw everybody's gaze after a few seconds fall on Tom, who was the only one scribbling his answer immediately and with much confidence. You knew that he knew the answer and it seemed that everybody else did, because as he looked up from his board he looked around him and saw everybody was looking at him already.

“What?” he asked innocently as he looked at them, but a grin slowly spread on his lips nonetheless.

You all laugh, looking back down at your boards and writing your anwers, as you shook your head and said with a grin “You just gave it away.”

“I'll tell you, I wasn't sure about this one but from his reaction...” Mark spoke as he wrote his answer “I'm 100% sure now. And I want Tom to verify it because, well, he clearly knows it.”

“I'll agree.” Danai laughed, writing her own answer.

“Alright, everybody ready?” he asked as you all gave him a nod “Then give us your answers-”

“I'll go first!” Mark exclaimed, turning his board with pride and confidence.

“(Y/n), is your answer then! Scarlett?” he asked her and she turned her board to show the same name “(Y/n) as well it is. Danai, you?” he asked her and she showed your name too so in the end with a heavy sigh you showed your own board.

“Me” you shook your head “Jimmy I thought we were friends! Why did you have to chose the most embarrassing one for me?!”

“I didn't chose them myself, I'm sorry!” he defended himself but still laughed “But- but why don't you tell us a bit more about that?”

“Yeah, sure, make it worse now!” you groaned, hiding your face behind your hands “See, it was during a movie so it was for the purpose of that movie.” you cleared your throat “And uh I was like 20? I don't know, maybe 19, or somewhere in between. Don't judge me guys, my parents were really strict and it feels like it's been years so everything has changed very much in- in general, you know, how kids act nowadays and all that. Anyhow, uhm I can't say I'm that embarrassedabout that because- come on! Look at this man!” you exclaimed, motioning with both hands at Tom who was already smiling “I'm actually proud to say that Tom Hiddleston was indeed my first kiss!”

And you should have probably said it a little more slowly but the damage was already done when you jumped in your seat and with wide eyes you noticed the audience all got on their feet and clapped for you while cheering. Well, you didn't think it would be such a surprise because they had seen your character kiss Loki but maybe, just maybe, it really had to do with the 'celebrity crush' part after all, which you forgot about and it was all out in the open at the moment.

“Tom-” you laughed shyly, glancing at him to see he was laughing as well “Tom knows this.” you waited for the audience to calm down, looking at the British man “I think I had actually told you about it being my first kiss even before the scene, right?”

“Oh yes, yes you had.” he nodded his head with a soft smile “And I was trying to make you laugh about it to calm you down. But truthfully? I was too freaking out on the inside as well, how could I not be with such a wonderful woman?”

“Stop it.” you breathed out a shy laugh.

“And- and we're talking about Thor 1, right?” Jimmy asked and you nodded your head.

“Yeah, it was the second Marvel movie I was in. Well, uhm with Iron Man 2 I was only in the afer-credits scene but it counts I guess. Anyway, in Thor 1 it was were we really met my character and in one of those few but very important scenes she had with Loki, there was a kiss as everyone remembers.” you stopped for a second as everyone cheered “I'm sure Mark and Scarlett remember the most.” you giggled “And uhm that scene right there, all those years back then - the first take of it in fact - was my first kiss. And I can happily say that it was with both Tom Hiddleston and Loki at the same time, 'cause that's the way I see it in all honesty!”

“Well, you do have a point. It was Tom but he wasn't acting as Tom, so there's a fair point. And you Tom have anything to say about it? Seeing as we've already broken the internet as it is.” Jimmy said with a small laugh.

“Well, I've known for years so it's no surprise to me. But now probably everybody will know about it so uh-” he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck but still shrugging with an adorable smile “I will only be honest by saying how incredibly honored and proud I am to have been her first kiss, because- because come on, who wouldn't brag about something like that?” he shrugged, grinning nonetheless.

“Or the celebrity crush part!” Scarlett pointed out with a smirk and he laughed.

“Believe me, Scarlett, that is something I barely hold myself from saying every chance I get!” he said and you laughed, shaking your head.

“That is also very true, and I speak from experience!” you pointed out.

“It's always fun to find out something new about you guys, trust me! Well, the I think everybody gets a tree because you are all correct- oh, wait, wait did yu reveal your answer Tom?” Jimmy corrected himself and stopped him before he could wipe his board clean.

“I didn't?” he frowned.

“No, we got carried away with talking about my first kiss in America TV!” you exclaimed “Very low, Jimmy, I will get you back for this!” you pointed at the man who only laughed.

“I'm still sorry about that, let's see if Tom got it right thought cause there might be a chance he messed it up- wouldn't that be funny?”

“Very” Tom chuckled, turning his board “But I'm afraid, no, my friend. I would never-” but he was cut off by the audience clapping for him.

You frowned “What is it- oh!” your eyes widened and a laugh escaped your lips when you turned to look at his board and so did your friends who just laughed.

“Is it really saying 'Future Mrs Hiddleston' there?” Jimmy asked

“Now, that depends on what she'll say for us to figure out if the answer is correct, though, right?”

“That is most definitely true, Jimmy.” he said with a small smirk and you laughed, turning to face him despite your cheeks burning.

“Is that a proposal?” you asked with a smirk, wanting to play along, and he shrugged with a grin.

“I have a ring if you'd like to go the traditional way.”

“Nah, we're from Asgard, we don't do that there.” you laughed, shrugging “Just give him a tree too!”

.

..

…

“Wait- wait is that a yes?” Mark asked with wide eyes.

“Oh my gosh, I think it is!” Scarlett exclaimed just as enthusiastically “Mark, go get our T-shirts, we'll be wearing them after all!”

June 5

-TRIGGER WARNING-: This post contains depictions of depression and contemplations of suicide. If you suffer from anxiety, depression or suicidal thoughts, you may not want to read further.

If anyone who is reading this has thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please remember that no matter who you are, no matter what you’re going through: you do matter. There is help out there.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:  1-800-273-8255

Across the winding river that ran through the Cindersap forest south of Marnie’s ranch was a long line of sheer cliff faces overlooking the vast Gem Sea. Down at the ocean level, violent waves crashed up against the cliffs, spraying foam high up into the air; on some days, when the sea was particularly turbulent, the spray could be seen over the cliffs.

It was the kind of place where if you were to fall, or jump, or simply just walk off the edge, it would more than likely be fatal; if the spiky rocks that jutted up out from the water didn’t end you, then the current would surely carry you far out to sea and finish the job. This was especially true where the river met the ocean via a raging waterfall—the force of the falling water alone would be enough to pull you under and crush you. A slow, agonizing death.

More and more lately, Shane had made the trip through the forest to that very spot, overlooking that shimmering, endless ocean. The idea was always there, in the back of his head, quietly nagging at him so that he could never truly ignore it. After last night, that idea had moved to the forefront of his mind.

Surrounded by three empty six-packs and countless beer cans, he laid sprawled out on the ground, staring up at the thundercloud-filled sky as a heavy, warm rain soaked him. He was so drunk that he couldn’t even feel the wetness of his clothes as they clung to him, the chill of the wind as it blustered over him. But no matter how many beers he had, he couldn’t numb the pain in his heart anymore. He’d even went through a fifth of vodka in the hopes that it would take him to that state of inebriated serenity that he always sought, but nothing helped. Nothing helped.

Nothing could keep Jas’ voice out of his head, repeating what she had asked Marnie the night before. ‘Is he gonna be drunk? I don’t like it when he drinks…’

And then Marnie’s voice would follow. ‘What’s your plan?’ She had asked that day when he’d passed out in his room. ‘Don’t you ever think about the future?’

No matter what he did, he always seemed to end up hurting the ones he cared about. Even when he tried to do something good, his damn dependance on alcohol ruined everything. It had ruined him. And he had let it, because he didn’t have the strength or willpower to change anything. Everything had gone downhill when Jas’ parents died, and the only comfort he had during those dark days was alcohol. Now, all it did was make him even more fucked up than he was, without numbing any of the pain…

An umbrella appeared above him, shielding his face from the pouring rain; blinking the mix of tears and rain from his eyes, Shane squinted up, until Ashe’s face came swimming into view. He was so wasted that he hadn’t heard the farm boy come to stand near his head, looking down to Shane with a quiet expression of concern. “Ashe…” He mumbled, struggling to make a coherent sound come out of his mouth. This time, he didn’t have it in him to push the kid away. He didn’t have anything left in him anymore.

Wordlessly, Ashe sat down, keeping the umbrella held over Shane to protect him from the rain even as he himself became soaked by it. As their eyes met, Shane felt another wave of regret and shame wash over him, mixed with the feeling of nausea from the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. He had done everything in his power to push his only friend away, and even now, he was still there. No judgement, no pressure; even with his pushiness to get Shane to open up to him, he never actually forced him to, and when Shane really needed him to, he backed off. He was a true friend, and Shane had done nothing for him in return. So, then why…? Why was he here now? Why was he sitting out in this storm, just for him?

“I….” Shane could feel a lump in his throat as he tried to talk again. “I’m sorry…. I’m so fucking sorry….” A strong gust of wind blew, and Ashe instinctively doubled his grip on the umbrella to keep it from blowing away. “M…. my life…. It’s a pathetic joke…. Look at me…” Fresh hot tears stung at his eyes, cascading unchecked down his cheeks and into his ears as he sobbed, “Why do I even try….?”

Another flash of lightning lit up the sky just overhead, followed by a crack of thunder that they could feel in their chests. It was as though mother nature herself was hurting for her child.

Through the tears, Shane continued, his voice breaking and shaking as he tried in vain to steady it. “I’m too small and stupid to… to take control of my life…. I’m just a p… piece of soiled garbage flittering in the wind…” For a long minute, he fell silent, as though waiting to see if Ashe would respond. But Ashe remained silent, continuing to look down at Shane as he waited for him to speak again. “… I’ve been coming here often lately… looking down…” He admitted, wanting to close his eyes so he didn’t have to look up at that gentle face but being unable to do so. “Here’s a chance to finally take control of my life… These cliffs…”

For some reason, saying it out loud filled him with a terrifying fear. But maybe… maybe he’d felt that fear all along, and just didn’t realize it until he was saying it to someone who would be impacted if he actually did what he’d wanted to do. “B… bu….” His chin quivered, his face scrunching up slightly. “But I’m too scared, too anxious. Just like always…”

Silence again fell, broken only by the crashing waves, the roaring wind, the rumbling thunder, the plink plink of the rain on the surface of the river.

“Ashe…. All I do is work, sleep, and drink… t… to dull the feelings of self-hatred. Why should I even go on?” The lump in Shane’s throat was painful, pointy and sharp as he openly wept. “T…. Tell me why I shouldn’t roll off this cliff right now…”

It wasn’t a rhetorical question. He was begging, pleading for Ashe to give him an answer. For anyone to give him an answer, a reason to continue this pathetic excuse of an existence. It was cruel for him to ask such a thing of his friend, but he didn’t know what else to do. And he didn’t even know what kind of answer he was hoping for.

“….” Ashe shifted closer, gently resting Shane’s head on his lap so the tears wouldn’t keep going into his ears. “The decision is your own.” He murmured, using his other hand to brush Shane’s rain-soaked bangs from his face as he spoke. “Just know that I’m here for you.”

I’m here for you. Despite it all, despite him seeing Shane at his absolute lowest, Ashe was still there. No matter what choice Shane made, he would support him.

Hearing that reaffirmation made the lump become even bigger. “I… I appreciate that. I really do, Ashe…” He admitted, finding comfort in the feeling of warmth radiating from Ashe’s body. He fell silent again for a few moments before speaking once more. “… I… need help, Ashe… I need help…. Please help me….”

As the words were uttered, the umbrella slipped from Ashe’s hand, carried away on the wind out to the ocean. It was so hard to admit that he needed help. It was painful, and humiliating, and selfish. But… he felt like he could trust Ashe enough to ask for it of him.

“Then let’s get you some help.” Ashe answered, shifting to sit Shane up so he could get him to his feet. He couldn’t put into words how relieved he was to hear those words…

  The sound of the wind and rain was muffled by the walls of the clinic; the storm had only seemed to intensify as Ashe had all but carried Shane into town, with little hard hailstones coming down by the time they got inside. Harvey had taken one look at Shane before whisking him into the back, leaving Ashe to sit in the waiting room, shivering as he waited for any word on his friend’s condition.

Afer what felt like an eternity, Harvey finally stepped through the swinging door into the waiting room, carrying a thin white blanket and a cup of hot coffee. “I’ve pumped his stomach and re-hydrated his body.” He explained, handing both to Ashe to help warm him up and dry him off. “He’s going to be okay. It’s good that you brought him in, though.”

“Thank Yoba…” Ashe wrapped the blanket around himself tightly and held the warm styrofoam cup in his numb hands. “Can I see him?” Even with what Harvey had just said, he wanted to see it with his own eyes that Shane was going to be okay.

“Of course.” Harvey nodded and gestured for Ashe to follow, leading him into the back recovery area; an unconscious Shane lay on the bed in the furthest corner, his soaked clothes hanging up by the heater to dry. Even despite the doctor’s efforts to clear the air, the scent of putrid alcohol still lingered from the stomach pumping. “Too much alcohol is terrible for the body…. But right now, I’m most worried about his mental health.”

Wordlessly, Ashe reached out, gently touching Shane’s cheek; it was warm against his cold fingertips, offering a sense of relief to him. “Me too…” He murmured, letting his hand fall back to his side. “… Dr. Harvey, please help him.” He looked to the doctor, unable to hide his own tears any longer. “Help him, because I don’t know how to. Please…! Help him stop hurting…!”

For how hard he had pushed for Shane to rely on him, for how often he kept telling Shane that he was there for him, he didn’t know how to give him the help he needed. He didn’t even know if what he had been doing the whole time was the right thing. He just wanted Shane to get better—not just physically, but mentally.

Seeing Ashe’s reaction, Harvey picked up a box of tissues and offered it to him. “When he comes to, I’ll have a chat with him about his treatment options.” He assured, as Ashe tugged a couple from the box and used them to stem the flow of tears from his eyes. “I know an excellent counselor in Zuzu City.” Looking back to Shane, who finally had an expression of peace on his face as he slept, he continued, “Life can be painful, sometimes… But there’s always hope for a better future. You’ve got to believe in that.”

A better future. That’s all that anyone could ever strive towards, wasn’t it? Life was just an endless pursuit of something better, something always just out of reach. When hope was lost of ever achieving that goal, that was really what could be considered ‘death’… “Yeah….” Ashe agreed with a sniffle, looking back to Shane as a heavy sigh escaped him.

He wanted Shane to start living again. More than anything in the world—more than winning back his grandpa’s farm, even, he wanted Shane to find that hope again.

  Though the storm carried on well into the night, the next morning greeted Pelican Town with sunshine and a brilliant, clear blue sky. It had been a restless night for Ashe, though, who barely slept at all, unable to make his brain shut down long enough to rest. He knew that Harvey knew what he was doing, but that didn’t stop him from worrying.

“Sorry, Blue…” He apologized to the cat that he had adopted not long after he’d moved in, running his fingers slowly over the long orange fur that covered the animal’s body. “I guess neither of us got much sleep, huh?”

Blue had been his great companion on the farm. The most laid back and chill cat Ashe had ever met, he was much more like a dog, actively seeking out affection from Ashe and following him around as he worked the farmland. He even liked to play fetch from time to time, when he wasn’t lounging out in the sunlight of course. Even despite the rough night, he climbed up onto Ashe’s chest, lightly butting his head against the farmer’s chin almost in response to Ashe’s apology.

“Haha, you’re too patient with me.” Ashe spent a few moments scratching at Blue’s cheeks before he got up, against the protests of his sleep deprived body. He’d learned quickly that the best solution to exhaustion was to get up and moving, no matter how difficult it was. “Let’s get some breakfast going.”

He said ‘breakfast’, but he really just meant toast for himself and fish for Blue; money was really tight for him right now, meaning that he was really having to stretch what he had. He’d gone and spent all that hard-earned money on seeds, only to wake up on the fourth to find his fields completely trashed from a pack of roaming raccoons. All he could do was salvage as much as possible and use other money-making methods to buy more seeds. It was a setback, but he refused to let it hold him back for long. Despite that, he refused to skimp out on Blue’s food, since there was no reason for the cat to suffer too.

“I wonder if Shane’s awake yet…” He pondered aloud to himself, leaning against the counter as he waited for the bread to toast; Blue jumped up onto the countertop and rubbed against his hand, earning himself more petting as Ashe let his mind wander to Shane. “… I hope he’s okay….”

A knock at the door made him jump—for a moment, he’d thought it was the toaster going off sooner than expected, a minor fright which at least helped to wake him up. “Ah, just a second!” He called, traipsing hastily to the door and undoing the locks so he could open it. Who on earth could it be at this hour, he wondered.

As he pulled the door open, his eyes fell upon Shane, who stood on his front porch with his hands shoved in his pockets and a somewhat meek expression on his face. “Hey…” He mumbled, unable to quite look Ashe in the eye just yet; fidgeting a little, he looked away, bringing one hand up to rub the back of his neck as he exhaled slowly. “Oh man… uh… how do I say this?” He struggled with finding the words for a few more seconds, eventually forcing himself to look Ashe in the eye. “I’m really sorry about what happened at the cliffs. That was… embarrassing…”

It almost felt surreal for Ashe, who stood there motionless with his eyes widened slightly at the sight of Shane. He hadn’t expected Shane to be back on his feet so quickly, let alone for him to seek him out to apologize. “…..” His chin quivered a little, and before he could stop himself, he threw his arms around the man, hugging him tight in a gesture that caught Shane off-guard. “I’m just really happy you’re still here.”

“… It was that serious, huh?” Shane felt a twinge of guilt, hearing that from Ashe; unlike before, he made no move to push him away this time, though he didn’t move to return the hug either. He wasn’t quite up to that, yet. “I can hardly remember…” And that was true; there wasn’t much about that whole day he could recall. There was one thing, however; he could clearly recall Ashe’s presence there.

Letting go of Shane after a few moments, Ashe stepped back, his eyes just a little misty as he smiled happily. “Here, come inside.” He offered, holding the door open for his friend; looking a bit hesitant, Shane eventually accepted, stepping into the small home so they could continue to talk. The toast in the toaster was done, and Ashe poured them each a cup of coffee, sharing a stack of browned bready goodness with butter as they sat down at the table.

“I’ve decided I want to see a therapist.” Shane admitted, holding his cup in both hands as his bad knee jittered up and down anxiously. “Harvey got me in touch with a colleague of his. I want to actually get better…” He looked down into the dark liquid, tightening his grip on the mug slightly. “I want to be the kind of godfather that Jas deserves, and I can’t do that when I’m drinking. So I’m going to give up booze for good.”

Hearing that put another smile on Ashe’s face… and an idea into his head. “Then so will I.” He said, leaning forward in his chair as his smile widened. “I won’t drink anymore, either.”

“H-Hey—” Shane jerked his head up to look at Ashe in bewilderment. “You don’t have to do that. This is my problem, not yours.”

“I want to support you.” Ashe continued to smile cheerily, making Shane’s protests die in his throat. “That’s what friends do for each other~” He was quiet for a moment, before softly admitting, “Though, it’s really not the same for me to give up alcohol, is it…. So, how about this?” Holding out his pinky finger to Shane, he continued, “I’ll give up eating chocolate cornets, too. That way, we’re both getting clean in some regard. We can help keep each other in check, and vent to one another when the cravings get really bad.”

“…..” Shane didn’t quite know what to say; he knew what a bad sweet tooth Ashe had for Gus’ cornets, so for him to willingly give them up just to support him was…. “… You really know how to twist my arm, don’t you?” He asked, reaching his own pinky out and gently locking the two digits together in a promise. “I dunno why you’d want to make yourself miserable, but I’m not gonna stop you.” His face softened a little, unable to remain hardened against that dumb merry smile. “Anway… I wanted to thank you for taking care of me.” He said, once they’d let go of one another’s pinkies. “For whatever reason, you’ve stuck by me since you got here. I know I’ve never said it before, but… I really appreciate you being my friend, Ashe.”

It was the second time in as many days that he was honest with his words. It was terrifying, in a sense, to let down his guard like this and make himself vulnerable, but he understood now that if he wanted to get better, he was going to have to step out of his comfort zone.

His gratitude just made Ashe beam even more. “I’m happy that I get to be your friend~” He chimed cheerily, as though it truly was the highlight of his life that Shane had finally accepted his friendship. It baffled Shane, but he’d kind of figured out by that point that Ashe was weird and not like other kids his age. And maybe that was what he liked so much about the kid.

Curious as to who this stranger in his house was, Blue jumped up onto the table and came right up to Shane, his tail raised inquisitively as his little wet nose touched the man’s hand to sniff him. “…. I didn’t know you had a cat.” Shane commented, somewhat caught off-guard by Blue’s sudden interjection.

“Oh yeah.” Ashe laughed, as Blue decided that he liked Shane and proceeded to lightly paw his hand in an attempt to get petted. “That’s Mr. Blue. I found him not long after I moved in here, pecked half to death. I think he tried to snuggle up in Percy’s henhouse or something and got torn up by his chickens. He doesn’t have any claws so he couldn’t protect himself, the poor thing.”  

“You sure do like making friends with lost souls, huh?” Hesitantly, Shane scratched the top of Blue’s head; he didn’t have the best experience with cats, but this one seemed alright. “Well, at least I know you’re not stuck here all by your lonesome.”

The two made idle chat for a bit longer, with Shane firmly cementing himself as Blue’s best friend thanks to the amazing skritches he gave. Eventually, once their cups were empty, Shane got up from the table. “I should get going… Marnie pulled a mama bear move and got Morris to give me today off so I could head to Zuzu City for my first counseling session—well, she doesn’t know that’s what it’s for, but that’s what it’s for, so I better not waste any time.”

“She must have put the fear of Yoba in him…” Ashe’s eyes widened at the thought of sweet, kindly Marnie putting an asshole like Morris in his place. “Be safe on your way there, okay? And I know I keep saying this, but… I’m here for you. No matter what.”

“… Yeah.” Shane nodded a little, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. “I finally know that now. Thanks.”

It was the first step on a long, winding road to recovery; it wasn’t going to be easy, and there were going to be times where he tripped and fell and regressed. But surely, he could reach the end someday. He had to believe in that.

DULL CHAPTER 3: DIRTY LITTLE ROMANCE

DATE: JANUARY ELEVEN

TIME: APPROXIMATELY ELEVEN FORTY-FIVE O’ CLOCK POST-MERIDIEM

Captain Kanos picked a ripe fruit from a tree shouldered against the gates of the Skordi’s fortress. Then taking one bite of it, and tossing it away, he said, “Mighty Krvondel, we demand you meet us face to face.”

“And why should I?” Krvondel hollered. The tentacle-fingered alien scoffed. “You aren’t worth my time and I’m not worth yours.” said Krvondel. “You shouldn’tve bothered to come here.”

“Consider us even then. I didn’t wanna come here either.”

Krvondel asked, “Then why did you?”

“Because I had to or I would’ve been excommunicated. I don’t make the decisions here. Queen York and her slobbering dork of a husband King Jan do. Got problems- bring it to them.”

“I didn’t think it was a skill of yours to underestimate,” Krvondel said harshly. Then he explained, “You owe me debt. You freed a dragon from being my slave only to hurl it into the dungeon. I want that dragon back.”

“What- you mean Mariq? He agreed to be with us. You’re crazy.”

“And how can I be sure?”

Captain Kanos yelled, “Because we have him right here! Look!” Mariq rose from the desert sands, mighty, drizzled in blood, sand, and flames, and angered.

“We rescued this dragon,” said Captain Kanos. “And gave him a new home. You were gonna kill him.”

Captain Kanos cried, “And what makes you say that?”

“Because when taking in your fire-breathing slave we noticed wounds caused by a butcher’s cleaver. You were gonna chop him up and sell his meats to the street vendors, a crimimal offense in Fort Scarlet’s government.”

“My actions are not for Fort Scarlet to dictate.”

he said harshly, “Your crimes which happen in our kingdom.”

“While they occur in your kingdom, I can only be prosecuted in my homeland.”

“And where is that?”

“My homeland was destroyed,” cried Krvondel.

“Sorry.”

“Damn right you are sorry. Your people destroyed mine. They discovered our technology, used it to build the castles you call your abodes, and then got ahold of our space-age weapons and destroyed our planet of Sacrilege. Our species’d already been poisoned by GASH-CORP. I said, ‘We finna do something about this.’ But it’d been to late by then. The other aliens’d given up. Our planet was gone. Our species was dwindling down in numbers. And I said, ‘There’s no hope.’ ‘Cause there was none. ‘Cause you know why? You mortals got so pissed off, you wiped us out.”

“And we’re sorry,” Captain Kanos replied honestly. “And we want to ease the pains, heal scars, mend the broken bonds of species of two natures. Let us help.”

He replied, “Fighting truths with lies. Primates and Skordi can never learn to coexist.”

“Maybe we can. Maybe what it takes is one extended hand to another.”

Krvondel thought for a second, and shouted, “Never. Not to you. Never think for a moment I’ll be coaxed into your coterie of knights and witches.” He stumbled down the castle stairs, his shoes rattling as he made his way to the gate. “I’ll never be seduced by corruption.” said Krvondel. “Nor forced at gunpoint, nor drugged by your illegal silverine trades, which yes I know about.”

“Says you,” said Captain Kanos. “An intergalactic space ringleader,”

“Nor will I be drawn in by gunk-smelling Hades-looking nose-picking, dirty, no-good ass-herding thieves like you.” Krvondel drew back his suckers.

“Never did I think for a moment I’d be hurt this badly,” Captain Kanos uttered silently. “I allowed you a chance. After the killing sprees and bruising and murdering. And afer the murdering and brutality and the recklessness. And still- want to dance?”

Krvondel yelled, “You ready to dance, my captain?” Lined against the fortress walls were fifty men with shotgun-rifles. “Then dance, Captain! Dance! Dance! Dance!” Gunshots rang. Captain Kanos leapt off the ground, his feet springing off the floor in spaced, calculated hops.

“Right foot, right foot, left foot,” said the captain. “Left foot, left foot, right foot.” His shoes made a distinct tapping noise as he danced deliberately. “Right left right,” whispered the captain to himself. “Left right left.”

“Dance, Captain! Dance till you drop!” Further bullets shot off, trickling like a rainfall upon the unamused captain. “Dance, chief! Till your heart stops beating!” A thunderstorm of gunfire seized the landscape, bullets perforating the air, cascading to the captain, and the rugged landscape on which he stood like thumbtack meteorites.

“What the hell would you do this for?”

“No questions! Only dancing!”

DATE: JANUARY ELEVEN

TIME: APPROXIMATELY TWELVE O’ CLOCK ANTE-MERIDIEM

Artala glanced over his shoulder and said, “So, Joe Worthingold, see that? We’re winning.”

“I see it,” noted Joe Worthingold. “I see the captain being forced to dance under gunfire and threat of death.”

“I know your secret. You’re an alien, just like Krvondel. And I’ll tell everyone if you babble on, so it’s best you keep your trap shut.”

“I’ll keep my trap shut when you blow my head off with a rifle,” said Joe. “Unless I’m dead, I’ll speak forth and tell everyone of the secret you’re hiding.”

“What secret’s that?”

“The little secret between you and King Jan about you two’s dirty little romance. Those make-out sessions in the chariot, those little pecks you give him on the hand which you’ve told others again and again are ‘just greeting kisses’ and ‘not something to be concerned about?” Joe Worthingold got up from his crooked seat, nails rusted and scuffed, fabric pillow drizzled in stains and other muck. He paced around the rickety chair, eyeing Artala continuously. Fluently, he spoke, How he never asked you once for an offering? How he repeatedly stands up for you against crooks? I know about your puppy love with him. I’ve caught a glimpse or two. So if you don’t want me to tell the queen of this nasty affair, it’s best that you quit threatening me with a dull sword. and we have a little chat about loyalty?”

“Says you… Your affection for the queen’s just as terible. I’ve seen your cheating sessions with the ma’am. We’re all the same, aliens, and humans. So let’s swear to never speak of the atrocities we’ve committed.”

“It’s already too late…”

5x11.

“You were the most important person in my life, and you ruined me. But that's just who you are, that's who you'll always be. A monster.” This is the line that pushed Damon to end things with Elena. He can’t stand the idea of ruining her the way he ruined Enzo. She’s the most important person in his life. 

It’s a hard thing to imagine being tortured every day for five years. And Damon didn’t have people like Caroline and Katherine to help him sort through whatever residual feelings he may have as a result of that. He’s dealing with the pain and the memories of his torture the only way he knows how. By killing. Katherine taught him how to kill, and she taught him how to enjoy it. 

Damon and Elena are miserable without eachother. Elena doesn’t wanna get out of bed, and Damon is passed out at the bar. I always pay mind to the soundtrack because they’re chosen with purpose in every tv show. “Love don't die.” That’s Delena. Caroline is still on about it. She needs to shut up. She has no idea who Damon is... yet, and girl is single for a reason. 

Afer what Stefan said of Damon in 5x10 and what he says of Katherine in this episode... it’s hard to take him seriously. He’ll excuse the actions of any woman he’s sleeping with, but not his brother’s. Katherine and Nadia are planning to take over Elena’s body, and therefore, her life. I would’ve been cool with Katherine had she continued caring as she helped Stefan deal with his PTSD. As far as I’m concerned, it was her decision to take over Elena’s life that made her irredeemable to me. She could’ve chosen any life, she chose Elena’s for selfish reasons that run deeper than her typical selfish. A. Elena is a vampire. B. She can pass off as Elena, which makes her able to date Stefan. The life Nadia deserves to live will end because Katherine cares more about her love life than her daughter. 

Yeah, I hate her for this one. Katherine sacrificed everyone else’s life for her own, including the lives of people she considered friends. She shouldn’t have the audacity to take over Elena’s life when Elena was willing to sarifice herself for everyone else. Damon is visiting with Katherine and talking to Liz about their past. His words striking a chord, given he just broke up with Elena out of his fear of ruining her. 

“Every awful thing I've ever done is linked to her. She taught me how to kill, how to enjoy it. She ruined me, and I can't take any of that back.”

He’s being honest. He loved her for 145 years and thought she was trapped in a tomb, so yeah. The woman he feels ruined him, now he fears ruining Elena, all feeding off Enzo’s comment about Damon ruining him. That’s how deep Damon feels and how much words matter. Caroline is finally thrown into a scene that her character most certainly needed. She’s gonna sleep with Klaus because girl is too judgmental about Damon. 

Katherine uses their power of dream to show Damon why she felt fate brought her and Stefan together. It was love at first sight for her. She's trying to sell the idea that she never meant to hurt him, she only meant to love Stefan. But she strung him along because she got from him what she couldn’t get from Stefan. A love that came with full acceptance. He didn’t require compulsion. Katherine and Nadia put on a show for Damon, making him believe she’s willing to die, that she’s having a selfless moment. Still, Damon hears what he needs to. He plans to patch things up with Elena, but his ending things with her allows Katherine to pull what she does when she takes over her body, and she’s about to take over her body... so Delena will be broken for a bit. 

as a polyamorous person i really feel that we shouldn't date monogamists unless we're alright with not being with anyone else and can handle that kind of relationship. a lot of us really can't and tend to feel unfulfilled, others will make an attempt to have their partner comprimise which is uncool, and some will even cheat and use their nonmonogamous nature as an excuse and even go as far as blaming their partner for "making them feel trapped". i know this because i've seen it, i've had guys do it back before i was comfortable with the idea of a polya relationship. even as a nonmonogamist, i was pressured into open and polya relationships before i was ready. like my bf and i actually are essentially polya even though we've been exclusively with each other for about three years. we've talked about all the what if's and possibilities of a third person and if the right person comes into our lives, we'll talk more about it then. but a lot of nonmonogamists don't do that, a lot of them aren't honest about their nonmonogamous nature, and they get in relationships with monogamists only for it to end badly. and this especially happens in straight relationships where the woman is monogamous and the man is not but pressures her to let him do as he pleases or will constantly cheat.

i think that's part of the reason a lot of women blame themselves, because their man was selfish and chose to be and stay with them though they were both so different and proceeded to tell her it's in his nature and she's making him feel shitty about not wanting to let him date other people. another big issue with nonmonogamous men, specifically straight men, is how often they'll try to be in open relationships where their girlfriends aren't allowed to seek out other people while they are. if you see a monogamous person, especially a woman, talking about how they won't comprimise and even equating nonmonogamy to cheating, you should think about, and if possible ask, why. because chances are they feel that way because of experiences that mirror the negative ones i mentioned before.

not all people who want monogamous relationships are brainwashed puritans or possessive, some of them just prefer that kind of intimacy or can't emotionally handle a nonmonogamous relationship. getting pissy when you read about a monogamist who won't comprimise is petty and saying "well i'm expected to compromise" is sad considering no one should be pressured to do so. and if you don't want to have to comprimise, don't be in relationships where you'd need to. i mean it, if you want a nonmonogamous relationship, seek that out with complete transparency and be honest about it, do not date people who aren't confortable with it no matter how much you like or even love them, don't try to pressure anyone or get sad or angry if you feel unfulfilled in a relationship with them. if you want to be that way, cool, some people are and that's okay, but you need to look for people like you and not settle for someone who isn't okay with that. it won't end well for either of you and you're both gonna walk away with negative ideas about people like each other.

monogamy and nonmonogamy are both equally natural. some people are one way, others are the other. if you're one way and refuse to comprimise or try anything different, that's good and fine unless you're dating someone who loves differently than you and you try to pressure or demonize them. some people are okay with having agreements and trying new things too and that's good as well unless promises are broken and you go against the aforementioned agreements. that could mean cheating but it could also mean getting angry when your partner does the exact thing you said they could do and blaming them because you didn't realize you couldn't handle it afer all. relationships seem tricky but really all you need to do is respect the person (or people) you're with and their boundaries, sticking to your own, finding a person(s) who will show you the same respect, and achieving harmony and intimacy. it's only difficult because we were taught it's supposed to be and society's idea of how relationships should look is unhealthy, somewhat unrealistic, and vastly different than how many actually are.