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cuprohastes · 4 months

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The humans said "We sent our very best to the stars."

Well we looked at what they sent: And thought, if that's their best, what are their worst like? They were scavengers and opportunists, fast talking con artists, barely restrained psychopaths with mayhem on their mind.

Honestly we were expecting the worst: That 'human' would be a curse word, that we'd have to root them out painfully and banish them back to their dirty heavy world.

But they cleaned up Antichor. They dredged the oceans, got the ecosystem back up, cleaned the mine lakes, remediated the sludge swamps, turned the hulks into gleaming ingots.

"We knew how. We had the experience." They said.

The humans started showing up in the weirdest places. Conflicts of all sorts... and they always had questions. "Why are you doing this? What if tehy did this. What if you did that?" And it was so odd - Within weeks of the Humans showing up, common ground would be found, or reasons to get along would appear.

"Well, we're used to it. We know how to deal with conflict." They said.

And the human liars, dressed in bedazzling clothes, singing and laughing... They spun lies! For entertainment! Of better worlds, and drama, of excitement, of adventure. Thay made such spectacles - Fire in the sky of a thousand colours - smoke and lasers, costumes and music, feats of synchronised movement the Civil Worlds had barely imagined could be performed by any being let lone these strange humans...

"We know how to have a good time!" They said.

When there was a nasty little war of expansion over on the Veran worlds, we thought we'd be barely in time to document the mass graves and the scraps of planetary genocide. Expansion wars are the worst of crimes but what can you do? The settlers who are squatting on the graves of the people who came before aren't usually the ones who ordered the invasion or carried it out. And there's always some justification that can be argued over for centuries: none of which brings the dead back.

We were horrified to find the Human fleet there. Finally proof that the Humans were the worst sort of mercenary.

But the ships had aid: Shelters and food. Medical personnel. And those that did fight did so under strange rules that allowed for surrenders and retreats in good faith.

The Verans talked of the Arnath Invasion fleet: Unstoppable, claiming thier worlds before they even landed, their leaders ranting and cursing those who lived there - But then the Humans arriving like heroes of legend, in flame clad dropships, spending their lives hard, making the Arnath throw incredible effort to get nowhere... Of the mighty Rangers, each one a hero. The Bulwark infantry who wouldn't yield a single step until the civilians had been evacuated. The Medical teams as caring as any, who'd stand and fight as hard as a soldier to protect their patients.

And even before we arrived, the Arnath were losing - Humans arriving on their world and asking "Why?". Arguing with the Archons with the skill of philosophers, litigating on behalf of the Verans with cunning arguments. The clowns and entertainers with unexpected savagery, showing the population their own "heroic" soldiers burning crops and firing on children, turning the population against thier bloody handed leaders.

The soldiers returning, not hailed as heroes, their crimes documented.

"We know these crimes. We won't stand for them." The humans said.

And we started to wonder... what else did they know?

What we know now is... you can always ask the Humans, because they always send their best.

#humans are space orcs #haso

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nerdybluephoenix · 7 months

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Alien crew: *busy with work*

Human crew member: *bursts in, visibly shaking* Did you guys know that humans can overdose on caffeine, around 40 cups of coffee? My record is 14 cups!

Alien: And what are you on now?

Human: 11 cups! I'm gonna break my record today!

Alien: *takes mug from their hands* No, you're not

#I was thinking of making a comic of this #but in case I abandon the project here's a text post version!#humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #aliens #space orcs #haso #haso artist #art #haso writer

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marlynnofmany · 25 days

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This is delightful.

#humans are weird #and this particular human is a bit of a bastard methinks #leather #perspective #haso #hfy #eiad #humans are space orcs #comics

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wolven91 · 2 months

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The Eyes Are On The Front

Wesk snarled as he dabbed at the openly bleeding wound across his forehead. The shrapnel had obviously done damage to his face and eye. No matter what he did, the canid just couldn't see out of it.

At least he'd retrieved the human from the slaver camp. This was meant to have been a silent break in, snatch and run. So much for that plan...

Wesk had cased the tiny outpost for several days. All their comings and goings. Knowing where the guards were, how they patrolled, which ones took their job seriously and which ones liked to sit on the hidden chair behind the depleted uranium rod holders.

Chained avians, damaged chintians by the crate load. All more than enough evidence with recordings to count as a payday per head for each slaver Wesk removed with his high powered rifle.

It was only when the human appeared through Wesk's scope that his plans had changed so suddenly. The canid recalled blinking several times just to confirm the bounty hunter was indeed, seeing, what he was seeing.

Gone from merely picking them off one by one, now there was a hostage to rescue. One that Wesk had successfully pulled off, if not messily.

The human, a grubby but still feisty thing, was glancing around the den that Wesk had been using as a base. It was embedded into the side of the cliff that overlooked the outpost nestled and hidden in the valley.

Wesk held what amounted to a medical stapler to his forehead and pinched the flesh closed.

"They're coming..." The human quietly warned.

Wesk dropped the stapler and nearly bowled the tiny creature over as he tried to focus through his scope.

But he couldn't see through it. Aberrations in his vision caused it to swim and blind him to the magnified images of his scope.

"Dammit, I can't see! We jave to run." Wesk decoded and span away from the rifle to quickly grab his bug out bag.

The crack of gunfire caused the canid to throw himself down onto all fours and spin round, fully expecting to launch himself at a threat.

Only it was the human that had shouldered the deployed rifle and was now peering through its scope with her finger on the trigger.

It was far too large for her and was not calibrated for one if her kind!

"Hey! You're giving away our pos-"

"One down."

The canid blinked as he watched the human breathe out and squeeze the trigger again. The whole device lurched into her shoulder which took the blow.

"Second down."

"But you need... you need a predator's eyes for that. You're a.."

"Eyes on the front mate. My eyes are on the front."

#conservationverse #cuddleverse #human #hfy #haso #humans are space orcs

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lovelesslittleloser · 11 months

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Tbh this has been on my mind for MONTHS

Human codes… but they’re not actually codes??

A small group of humans is discovered by some curious aliens. Both sides can assume that the other is sentient. The aliens are trying to translate the humans’ language to their own, and the humans are trying to learn the aliens’ language. But since humans are tricky, they’ve decided that they don’t want the aliens to know their language, so they can have secret conversations.

So they go a little crazy. With written words, they randomly use lowercase and capital letters, even using numbers and symbols, and use a lot of slang, occasionally using words incorrectly on purpose. They’ll jumble the words a bit so that only human brains can guess their meaning (that thing where if you use all the letters and put the proper letters at the beginning and end it’ll be comprehensible), and even use additional or unofficial languages (commonly known words like ‘hola’, ‘si’, ‘oui’, etc, and piglatin, in which you typically take the first letter or syllable of a word, place it at the end, and add ‘ay’ to the end).

As for spoken words, they will do a bit of the above, mashing languages and slang, perhaps mispronouncing a few things, and quoting memes, vines, movies, and even singing parts of songs to throw off the aliens. Perhaps they will say something with a somber meaning in a joyful way to throw off the meaning, or even just naturally (‘I wanna die!’ ‘Mood’), or vice versa.

Additionally, there would have to be a TON of body language. Maybe even sign language, should they know any. Gestures and expressions, eyebrow wiggles and poorly-hidden grins. Ah, the beauties of communication.

#I’m sure there’s more #please add more #aliens #humans #humans are space orcs #haso #humans are space fae #humans are space raccoons #humans are space orcs prompts #humans are weird #humans are insane #humans are terrifying #language #communication #lingustics #? I hope this counts as linguistics??#I’ve had this in my head for an unwritten fic I’ve abandoned before its birth #just humans being clever little pricks #aliens: hello humans! we wish to communicate! please speak as you naturally would!#human: ouldshay eway unray?#other human: *offended look* Bethany. I made BISCUITS *subtle gesturing to alien food*#another human: if I stay there will be trouble~ and if I go there will be double~ so I gotta gotta know~ should I stay or should I go #alien: are we sure these are all the same species? because I’m fairly sure they’re all speaking different languages

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sporksaber · 9 months

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I feel like there's something to be done with humans are space orcs/earth is a deathworld content and opportunistic diets. And obligate diets too.

Obligate diets mean they have to eat somthing because it's the only thing that provides the nutrients they need. Cats are obligate carnivores. They need meat and almost entirely meat to meet their nutritional needs. Any plant matter they eat is for other purposes, like digestion or getting high.

Wolves a facultative carnivores. They are carnivores, they need mostly meat to survive, but they'll eat fruit and other plant matter given the opportunity and gain nutritional value from it. They will always choose meat given the option.

Dogs are omnivores. When they were domesticated they evolved to line up more with the human diet. They need meat as well as vegetables and starches.

Then there's opportunistic carnivores (the most fun one). Herbivores who will eat meat given the chance. This famously includes horses (horses love corpses). They do not need it at all, but they can digest it and will definitly eat it. I've seen some people who have horses claim that some of them gain a taste for meat and seek it out. This label also includes deer, goats, cows, and hippos. (Also pandas, but like, that's kinda expected.)

I feel like it can be twisted in a lot of ways for wtf alien reactions. I also find if really interesting that there are no 100% one way or another mammals.

#haso #humans are space orcs #humans are deathworlders #also i think if hippos were brought to america like it was talked about in the 1900s theyd have eaten a lot of people #they already kill a lot of people and eat a lot of animals during migration season #warning tourists beware of hippos

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lunaiz4-misc · 7 months

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By the time the humans invented wireless Internet, the aliens had already been monitoring the RF bands on and in the vicinity of Earth for decades. Well, they didn't have decades - that was a human concept - but many full orbits of the little blue planet around its yellow star.

The packet encryption broke easily when subjected to advanced computing techniques, and soon they were able to pick up, decode, and even send information on the "world wide web." Wary of being detected, they were careful to limit their queries, but even a severely restricted ability to actually *ask questions* made the xenoscience division go starry-eyed.

Their excitement was short-lived, however, as the screen displayed a message that chilled them to their cores: "to continue, please prove you are a human."

#HASO #short story #humans are space orcs

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not-an-alien-scientist · 7 months

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Human: Hi Buddy!! AWWW DRAGON! COME ON DRAGON!! *gives all the pets*

Alien: ..... that is a carnivore that can bite at 1,100 psi force .... why are you calling it buddy

Human: Oh hooo hoo what is that *scritches* huh?

Hyena: *jumps*

Alien: *alarmed* !!!!!!

Human: >:( no you can't have the camera

youtube

#youtube #spotted hyena #hyena #animals #friend shaped #pack bonding #earth is weird #humans are weird #haso #humans are space orcs #earth is a deathworld #THESE LIK GUYS LAUGH LIKE CRAZY BY THE WAY #LIKE IMAGINE LISTENING TO A HAPPY HYENA (snickering) HAPPY FOX (laughing like they told a bad joke) AND #A RELAXED CHEETAH (purring with the teenieist cutest meows)#and theyre all fucking ferocious carnivores #and tell me its not weird AF #one hell of a house party tho #original posting

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jimvasta · 9 months

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Hangry Humans

As per standard operational procedure, we spent some time observing the Humans before we moved in.

It was identified early on that they stop work for meals three times a day and often have small amounts of food between these meals while they work. This is a common enough occurrence in many species who graze throughout their day cycle and was taken note of, again as per regulations.

We waited until the soldier caste humans were gone and swiftly incapacitated the remaining research caste via the standard electrical field interference method. We included in our observations the speed at which the humans recover from this, it is far faster than most and almost caught us out.

Then we moved the humans to our remote holding pens, providing what shelter they required and, as per passifying technique protocols, restricted their meals to once per day.

We have never had this technique fail. Keeping captives weak to prevent escape is a common method utilised for all grazing type species.

After several days we, foolishly, believed the humans would be docile enough to allow for close quarter testing.

We entered their holding pen with the standard protective equipment and when we were rushed we attempted to utilise the electrical stun weapons, but we could not prevent them from overwhelming us.

I must report that our survival was purely down to the humans choosing to spare us because we were more interesting alive than dead. They even told us why they were so determined to escape and from this I must update the standard protocols to form an exception in interactions with humans.

Do not, under any circumstances, deny a human their regular meals. Far from making them docile, it instead places them in a heightened state of aggression, the term for which is hangry.

#haso #humans are space orcs #space australia #writers on tumblr #don't make humans hangry

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thedragonboi · 9 months

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Humans evolved to be friend!!!

Probably stupid but hear me out:

• We try to pet/make friend with everything

• several different species are documented to have raised abandoned/lost humans (famously wolves, but monkeys, parrots, cats and more have raised humans)

• animals that can harm/kill us typically leave us alone (cougars don’t tend to attack unless there’s kittens around, black bears are small but they can 100% kill you if they wanted but they just kinda go away, orcas are smart enough and big enough to hunt us if they wanted to but there’s 0 wild cases of death by orca)

• there are species that are so chill with humans they literally domesticated themselves

• humans get an oxytocin boost when we see cute things, we want to be friend!!!! (Cute is subjective, some people see bugs as creepy some see bugs as friend, there’s always someone who sees something as friend!!)

• we don’t have the best natural defence or offence meaning we ride a lot on “you don’t bother me I don’t bother you” cause idk about you but I got nothing if a horse decides it’s my time to go (yeah we can build armor and weapons but we have to actively make and use them, we don’t come ready made with a suit of metal armor)

In conclusion, I’m very convinced that if we find sentient alien life either they’d find us non threatening at worst, actively adorable and cuddly at best

#humans are space orcs #humans are space friend #humans are space oddities #haso #aliens

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nerdybluephoenix · 8 months

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#i was laying awake past midnight and thought of this #sketched it up in 30 min #now will go back to sleep #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #aliens #space orcs #haso #haso artist #art #haso writer #comic

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marlynnofmany · 1 year

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Time for some science! What's the best one?

#no I'm not putting vanilla extract in this one #polls #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #haso #hfy #earth is a deathworld #eiad

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cuprohastes · 1 year

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To kill a human

It was Sqrnix eve and the Thotari Assassins had gathered for crottled greebs, and Karaoke.

Though they didn't feel like their usual darkly cheerful selves: They'd made the mistake of accepting a contract on a human.

First Blade muttered, "They're impossible! I poured so much poison into his drink! It should have ripped the water from his cells, and split his tissues!"

Second Blade added despondently, "I tried poison too! Rakandi dust in his food. At first, I thought it had lost it's potency, but then I saw him shaking more onto his meal! It should have burned him form the inside out!"

Third Blade peeled a tentacle from the crottle greebs off her face. "Pfah, you're telling me! After watching you two, I tried a bitter alkaloid from the creature's own home world, boiled into a foul brew - I didn't even try, I just handed the thing the bowl."

Fourth Blade noted, "I'm kind of seeing a theme here. I tried an acidic compound because at that point I'd just made a bet with Garki that the human would just gobble it down."

The other three looked at her.

"What? It's not like you had any luck!"

Meanwhile Dave the Human was writing a review of his stay:

"Locals very friendly. Last night they made me a pitcher of cocktails, brought me a really interesting curry, and then in the morning got me some coffee and aspirin. Four stars. Minus one star because the crottled greebs snuck into my room and ate my bootlaces."

#HASO #Humans are space orcs #crottled greebs #Dave the human

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wolven91 · 1 month

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Inventors

When humanity joined the rest of the races amongst the stars, it was a cause of celebration across the stars as they paraded the humans through the GC ring world, regardless of the gaunt and tired faces that the ticker tape and confetti fell upon.

The celebration was confirmation that there was yet more to the universe to see! The melancholy that had plagued the races for two hundred years was over! There was yet more life in the galaxy! What humanity learnt in the coming weeks and months, was the reason *why* humanity being found and brought into the fold was so important.

It was because the wider galaxy; had stagnated.

No new ideas were being made. No new technology besides mild improvements of what had already been there. No new fashion, just old things recycled again and again. Not even concepts that were commonplace and obvious to humanity had been even thought about by the wider GC. It was so bad, for so long, there was a statement that confused most humans when they heard it. The galaxy was so stagnant, that not even so much as a new recipe had been discovered in over a hundred years.

So, when humanity appeared, most of the races didn't even *think* of asking them whether they had any new ideas they wanted to share with the galaxy, they assumed that the races had not only thought of everything, but that humanity couldn't have possibly discovered new things on their own.

In the end, it was little things that were slowly added to the combined technology of the Galactic Community.

An 'umbrella' was created on a planet that only ever had rain. A blanket with sleeves in was invented for a long-haul transport trip.

'Unique' and 'inspired'.

So obvious most of the races from the stars merely blinked and wondered how they could have possibly missed such marvellous and simple ideas.

Humanity! The little inventors that *could*!

It was brilliant PR for the little race to buck off the sombre knowledge they were nearly extinct to add their own work into the tapestry of the GC. The heads of state even gave a small speech of how, regardless of whether in a hundred years humanity was still with the GC, their little contributions would mean they were remembered forever!

The console screen snapped off and the remote thrown across the room, hitting a cushion with a solid 'thud'.

"Fucking twats." Growled the human, still glaring at the now blank screen, fuming.

A canid's head popped around the doorframe at the outburst with his ears perked and eyes attentive. The human was facing away, but the tense shoulders and anger in Ted's voice told Kiv that the human needed him. The scent was acidic and figuratively burnt the back of Kiv's snout.

"You okay Teddy?" Asked the canid, quickly washing his hands and running them down the messy grey fur of his thighs to dry them. Padding into the room, the human now had his hands on his hips but was staring at the blank console screen mounted on the wall. From Kiv's perspective, he was like an ursidain; a living mountain. The tight green shirt running along and highlighting the corded muscles of his back, neck and shoulders.

"Teddy?" Asked the canid again, gently. He stepped around the oversized sofa and tapped the tips of two of his claws together, holding his hands in front of his chest as a nervous tick. Kiv was a nervous soul and despite doing nothing to earn the ire of the human, there was still a part of the canid that blamed himself for anything negative in the world around him.

The human turned to face Kiv and the mostly fleshy face broke into a tired smile, easing Kiv's fears.

Kiv was not your average canid. He was an outlier by a large margin. As a canid, he was considered 'disabled' despite being perfectly capable to exist in society without the need for help. But Kiv wasn't considered 'capable' in his own species' eyes.

Kiv was a runt. Incapable of serving the military or even private security in any capacity.

At barely 5'5, the canid had to look up at the 6'3 human who dwarfed him in all ways. Kiv practically had to bend his back and crane his neck just to look his fellow canids in the eyes, saying that they could reach up to 10 feet in height. The human blinked and sighed through his nose before speaking.

"Sorry Kiv, I got... annoyed at the TV." Replied the human, gesturing with a limp arm and allowing the tension that was in his broad shoulders to melt away with another sigh. The human merely turned to the canid and wrapped his arms around the short, furry alien. Kiv closed his eyes and rumbled into the nap of Teddy's neck, relishing the thick broad arms of the human, holding him in place. The human, without issue of effort, lifted the wiry canid from the floor and flopped down onto the sofa. It had been built for the titan-esque ursidains in mind; the furniture barely noticed both the human and the tiny canid.

Relaxing into Ted's hug, Kiv didn't know what a 'TV' was but could guess that it was the news that had annoyed Ted. It usually was.

"What were they saying?" Kiv asked quietly after a moment of them both laying there.

"Congratulating us poor, helpless humans and how we're doing *super* and that if we die out, that's okay; we invented stuff." Ted replied with a gruff, annoyed tone. It still made Kiv nervous. The mere tone was enough to set him on edge despite Teddy never *once* raising his voice in anger for frustration at the canid.

Kiv's ears laid flat as he gazed up at his human longingly. Kiv never believed he could be a real canid before meeting Ted. Canids each had an instinctual drive to protect and defend others. It mostly meant one's pack, but when Kiv simply wasn't included in a pack, all he wanted was someone who could rely on him, despite being a runt.

Then he had bumped into the mountain of a creature that was Theodore. Ted or 'Teddy' for short. Kiv liked how only *he* was allowed to call the human 'Teddy'. The human had mistaken Kiv for a cub at first, which the canid couldn't blame the human for. But after that crash introduction, the pair of them had become close friends. Kiv had shown the human around the station in a manner not approved of by the administration and the human had met an equal, one that didn't treat him like a lesser being. Kiv had to admit that he had fallen for the human almost instantly in the beginning...

Moving in together had been pragmatic. Sharing each other's bed was merely the natural progression of things, much to the canid's absolute joy. He had never dreamt that he could have had such a wonderful life when he was growing up.

Kiv gently licked the underside of Teddy's chin, pulling the hulking figure out of his thoughts again.

"You don't need their approval. Since when have you needed anyone's?" Asked the canid carefully, pointing out the truth. The human grinned and planted his soft lips against Kiv's leathery nose once. Kiv licked it as a habitual response.

"You are the only one that matters to me. Just annoyed. I feel called out." Replied the human, merely articulating his feelings for the alien.

"Don't! You're a brilliant inventor! Your invention is going to change the stars! Every canid from here to Anul-6 is going to want one! Even if you only sold them for a single credit; you're never going to have to work another day in your life! We could-"

But Kiv stopped himself and laid his muzzle flat against the human's chest, preventing him from spiralling and talking too fast and too much. He had a habit of getting excited then speaking so much that people found it annoying. Kiv didn't want to annoy Teddy...

"Hey! Hey, hey hey..." The human coaxed, aware that the canid was once again silencing himself. The human used his arms to hug and squeeze the canid to get his attention. Ted was aware that Kiv was used to being shut down by others, merely because his opinion was worthless to them thanks to his size. "What was it? 'We could' what?" The human asked calmly.

"You'll laugh." Accused Kiv, nervous and feeling vulnerable.

"Never at you darling. *Never* at you. What could we do if this works?" Promised the human, using his finger and thumb to being the canid's head up and catch his gaze, holding it; silently promising nothing but respect and love.

"We could... get a little plot of land..." Whispered Kiv in a tiny voice.

"Oh? That would be nice... Whereabouts?" Whispered Ted right back.

"...I always liked the looks of the ursidain forestry worlds... They sell little parcels... I... um... That was my dream. To earn enough to buy one..." Mumbled the canid directly into the chest of the human, the insides of his ears turning a bright pinkie red, that had the human grinning from ear to ear.

"Alright then. That's the goal." Ted said with a firm tone and a curt nod.

Kiv's head snapped right back up, nearly clocking the human under the chin with the canid's skull.

"But what about you?" The furry, wolf-like alien demanded.

Teddy snorted.

"Like I had a 'plan'. Until you came along, I didn't have anything, or anyone left to make plans *with*. At least now..." He touched his nose to the canid's muzzle again. Kiv licked again. "I have someone to dote on."

The pair laid there for a time on the sofa, merely enjoying each other with their eyes closed. Eventually Ted sighed and with a single hand, reached out to the coffee table where one of his prototypes laid there. Grasping it, he held it up in one hand and turned it over.

'This is so stupid' Ted thought to himself, only to have Kiv, seemingly read his mind and pipe up.

"They're brilliant you know. I mean it."

"You really think they'll be popular?" The human gave it a squeeze and physically felt the response from Kiv as he laid on the human. The rubberised material deformed in the human's grip and forced the air out of the hollow insides through a squeaker. The high pitch squeal gave one note, then drawled another as air flooded back in once Ted had relaxed his grip.

His eyes flicked to the canid, who despite living with these things now for a few weeks, was still; completely and utter enraptured by the object. His eyes and ears were locked on and as Ted held the toy still, raised above the canid, Kiv could help but lick his chops and begin to shake in anticipation.

Ted broke out into laughed and scooped the canid up into a hug and rolled the alien against the back of the couch as he began peppering the smaller creature with kisses, his foul mood; long forgotten.

[r/WolvensStories]

[Ko-Fi]

#conservationverse #cuddleverse #human #hfy #haso #humans are space orcs #furry #human x furry #werewolf #canid

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callum-librrry · 8 months

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Uncanny Valley

Tom and Hazai were exploring a planet recently added to the intergalactic database. Navis was tasked with bringing supply packages to the sentient species there. It was all, of course, an effort to have the planet be knowledgeable of the wider community of space while attempting to keep their technological influence to a minimum. They did something similar to Earth way back when the lightwaves finally made it to the council and Humans were confirmed to be sentient themselves. Unfortunately, any attempts made were quickly swept under the rug known as secret government agencies.

This planet seemed to be doing much better environmentally than Earth was. Lifeforms here evolved somewhat eerily. Most flora was found underground where liquid water was in constant supply. Tom had also seen a large plant with what looked suspiciously like bones in various odd places. After some confirmation with various off-world researchers, it was noted that the plants here were carnivorous. This made sense in Tom’s mind, considering there were multiple examples of such behaviour in the plant life on his home planet. This information spooked Hazai quite a bit more. She was nervous around anything with roots for the entire rest of the mission.

They had been wandering with a vague sense of purpose for quite some time and they were yet to come across any sort of sentient life. This fact did not help the ever-increasing complaining of Tom’s muscles under the weight of the supplies. Gravity here was slightly stronger here than it was in standard conditions, which did not help the ache in Tom’s back in the slightest.

“Hey, Hazai,” he said at last, “I think we should take a break. I can’t carry this pack any longer.”

Hazai reluctantly agreed. She was itching to get out of the underground tunnels and back into the starlight. Nevertheless, they sat down beside a large woody plant that smelt vaguely of honey and laid down some sleeping bags. Well, Tom did in any case. Hazai liked to rest sitting upright with her feathers ruffled in a way the Human found incredibly endearing.

Tom was almost asleep when he heard the sound of footsteps echoing off the tunnel walls. He jerked upright. Hazai had heard the sounds too but seemed less troubled by it.

The footsteps continued. They sounded odd to Tom. They were familiar. Concerningly so. He could hear that whatever it was was bipedal. Its footfalls were also heavy. Not much could echo in such a densely vegetated area. The sound seemed almost… human.

Almost.

Some primal instinct was crawling its way up Tom’s spine. Something was seriously wrong here. He just couldn’t pinpoint what.

He edged up from his sleeping bag, not taking his eyes off the slight bend in the tunnel where the footsteps grew steadily closer.

Hazai seemed to sense the tension now. Her feathers puffed up and she raised her arms in a way not dissimilar to a threatened owl. She did look bigger, but Tom found it difficult to see the Braal as any more intimidating.

Then, from around the bend a figure emerged. The dull light of the cave system made it difficult to make them out in any detail but Tom was still certain that there was something wrong with this alien.

"Oh look, Tom!" Chirped Hazai in relief, "It's a Human! Maybe they can help us find--"

Before she could finish, Tom cut her off with a warning whistle. His nerves made it a little off-key but the message came through nonetheless. Tom eyed up the approaching figure.

It did look Human, in every way it should. It had two plantigrade legs and stood upright in the same way a Human would. It had all the key features on its face. Every part of its anatomy was undeniably Human.

Except, for the fact that it wasn't Human.

There is an interesting thing amongst the species that isn't seen anywhere else in recorded databases. It's a unique sense known only to Humans. Something that has been dubbed the 'uncanny valley' effect. An ability derived from the insane capability of the Human mind to find a Human face. The mind is in fact, so good at finding faces of the same species that it can impeccably recognise when a face is not Human even though all key indicators show that it should be.

Notable comments made by various subjects in studies of the phenomenon say that they themselves cannot pinpoint what exactly causes the effect for them. Some guess it can be the way the Not-Human's mouth moves, or that its hands are ever so slightly out of proportion. Another key feature mentioned is the eyes.

The eyes are what tip Tom off.

"That's not a Human."

Hazai looks at him questioningly. She couldn't see any difference between the average Human and the one in front of her.

"I know you can't see it," Tom said as he grabbed the Braal's feathered shoulder, "but you have to trust me on this."

Hazai hesitated for a second but complied. She’d seen enough of Humans to know not to question their instincts. She eyed the alien in front of her. She looked desperately for what Tom saw in the being. She didn’t have much time though, because soon after Tom dragged her down the winding stone tunnels. A few plants followed them with their gaping traps. They weren’t running. At least, Tom wasn’t. Hazai managed to keep up with his speed walking by hopping forward occasionally.

The Not-Human was following them in strides slightly too long. It moved casually. It even spoke.

“Wait,” it said, “I only want to talk.”

Hazai had the impression they were speaking through a translator. She could hear the metallic drone behind each word. But she could hear desperation behind it. Something she’d heard from Tom multiple times before.

“Please,” she tugged at Tom’s sleeve, “Can’t we listen? They might stop once they know we know.”

Tom grimaced. He was thinking through all the possible ways attempting to negotiate with the alien might go wrong, but with one look into Hazai’s eyes, he complied.

“Fine,” he groaned, “we’ll talk.”

----

The alien sat in front of them on a mossy stone. Their limbs were splayed around them in a way that really shouldn’t be comfortable. They looked comfortable now though. The short conversation they had (which was more of a declaration that Tom saw through their disguise) allowed them to relax.

As it turns out the alien is from a species of ‘shapeshifters’. They explained that it is mainly used as a defence mechanism but as the species became more sentient they tended to use it more for fun.

“I didn’t mean to freak you out,” They explained, “I just thought you looked cool, and it’s always easier to make friends when you look like them.”

Tom didn’t make eye contact. He could barely still look at the alien. He understood them, to a certain extent, but the whole ordeal still had him on edge.

“I’m surprised you knew I wasn’t… uh Human. Generally, my disguises are pretty good”

Tom spluttered for a second as he tried to think of an answer.

“It’s– Um, it’s just something we’re good at? We just know when something isn’t actually human.”

The alien hummed.

“Don’t think I’ve heard of anything like that before…”

“You probably haven’t. We’re weird like that.”

The group fell into a mildly comfortable silence. Tom glanced at Hazai who also seemed to be mulling the new information over. She had a concerned look in her eyes.

Eventually, Tom remembered the reason they were there in the first place. He handed over the supply pack.

“It’s mainly just some information about intergalactic culture. Dos and do nots and all that. I think there's some stuff about similar planets and how to survive basic space travel,” Tom picked up a few items as he spoke. “We’re not meant to interfere with ‘the natural technological progression of a planet’, so I can’t really help you out with the getting to space part.”

“Ah.” The alien was thinking. Tom noticed a certain pattern in the way their limbs moved when they were considering things.

“I guess I’ll have to get this back to the rest of us,” they said finally.

The conversation turned to goodbyes here. Tom was eager to leave the weird uncanny valley planet and Hazai just wanted to be able to see the sky without the fear of being eaten by an off-brand pitcher plant. The alien, though, seemed at home here. He explained how he hated to see the two travellers go.

“But I guess we’ll get more now that we’re registered with, whatever the space organisation is.”

Tom agreed and they parted ways.

----

Back on Navis Tom and Yongrae were eating together.

“I had the weirdest experience on that new planet we went to,” Tom said, “The sentient species there can shapeshift, it’s weird as hell.”

“Ah,” Yongrae smiled, “like a Not-Deer situation?”

“Worse. They looked Human.”

“Ohh…”

“Y’know I tried to explain it, but it’s just really weird. What even is that?”

Yongrae thought for a second.

“Uncanny Valley?” he said, “Like with that one guy in Rogue One?”

Tom nodded eagerly. It had been on his mind ever since they left the planet. Uncanny Valley. It had a nice sound to it. He’d have to do more research into exactly what it was.

“Thanks for that, man. It’s been bothering me.”

“No problem,” Yongrae hit his shoulder, “You know what we should do now? Binge some Star Wars.”

Tom laughed. While being an Earth classic, the movies really showed their age now. It was more like watching a documentary on what the past Humans thought about space, but it was fun nevertheless.

“Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”

#writeblr #writing #haso #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are deathworlders #uncanny valley #humans are space australians #humans are weird #humans are space fae #JANK 2 #more JANK 2 one shots because the main story is killing me #uncanny valley is freaky tho #why do we need to know when something isn't *quite* human?

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